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ganondoodle · 14 days

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"bc i find it weird and uncomfortable how nintendo treats and comments on Riju and the gerudo as a whole"

Could you elaborate on this? Outside of men perving on the Gerudo (which is honestly just representative of real life scenarios) I can't think of anything problematic in regards to how they or Riju are treated. (Her being put into power at such a young age is questionable but that's just one of the downfalls of hereditary ruling I think.)

This is genuine, I'm not trying to be sarcastic or obtuse or anything! I never noticed anything overtly concerning so I just was curious what you were referring to. (Sorry I'm sure there's a post or something I missed where you were talking about it.)

so, this ask comes off as a little weird since the Gerudo are very overtly orientalist/racist stereotypes and you can just .. .research it instead but, given that i recently got an ask from someone saying they were 14 i will answer it bc i know sometimes you think first about asking someone about something instead of looking it up yourself

so, mind you, i am not a person of color, and the issues are a giant can of worms i cannot possibly go into every detail of nor know every detail of

the Gerudo, both in older games and new ones (botw/totk) are basically a bunch of stereotypes about black and arab people rolled into one, they are based on a mish mash of middle eatern cultures together with popular stereotypes about them

they wear stupidly impractical sexy clothing for people living in the desert, its very skin exposing (something that is the opposite of what you do living in an environment like that) and based on the wrong but popular idea of the 'belly dancer' outfit- an outfit that isnt sexual but was popularized as something akin to a strippers outfit by western people (colonizers im pretty sure .. who else) and is STILL used as that, they also wear high heels ... in the desert ......... a sand desert .... and wear heavy make up (like hylian women dont)

even worse then that the EXACT SAME outfit is used for the children as well, they too are put into heels, heavy makeup, and that 'belly dancer' outfit which is very VERY uncomfortable if you know what that oufit is largely seen as .. (even if youd try to argue that Riju wears it to seem more like a competent leader, it falls flat bc the children wear the same damn weird outfit as everyone else)

the Gerudo are also all very muscular in a way that no other women is in the game, which plays into the stereotype of black women being more masculine/mannish than uwu frail little white women and thus, among more, less women, or being able to feel less pain (yes that is an actual belief wtf??), while at the same time still sexualized

now in OOT they were thiefing evil women (thief being yet another stereotype for arabs as well as evil) whos only 'good' one both rejecting some of their tradition (kinda playing into the idea of those tradtions being wrong and adhering to the "good" traditions of western people is what makes you good) and is also abused throughout the game; in botw/totk they are not eviiiil but live in a closed to all men city and their entire society revolves around finding a hylian man to marry, their only goal in life is basically to find a man and have a family which i HOPE i dont have to explain why that is problematic (misogyny anyone) while it is treated by other NPCs as something to be conquered, something alien and other that beckons them to invade, they constantly try to get into the city where all da sexyyyy women are (hello????????????) and its less treated as disgusting and more like a haha little joke (in botw theres a guy circling around the city at all times??? excuse me?? and in totk the same guy is SNEAKING ON THE ROOFS OF THE HOUSES IN THE CITY LOOKING TO GET IN?????????????????)

the argument of that just being real life is ... not all wrong per se but the thing is, ONLY the Gerudo are treated like sexy things to be oogled at (both in OOT and botw/totk, possibly even more but i am not as familiar with all games in the franchise) and no other women from any species is eyebrow raising to say the least, and it never really gets called out either beyond making fun of that one guy by scamming him out of his boots by .. pretending to be a girl (pretty sure link is the only non Gerudo that is oogled at by anyone and its the creepiest creep)

then, with Riju in particular its made even worse that she is not just young but VERY young (which also begs the question why the fuck the Gerudo would put someone so young into the seat of leader of their entire region- something also no other race does), shes only 12 in botw and yet, like all the other children too, put into the same kind of outfit, but then theres also the commentary in the concept art book saying that "gerudo age faster than hylians and thats why shes got a mature air to her" which, among being a way to make how shes sexualized (both in outfit and at times camera angles- also applies to Urbosa) seem more okay (its not) and plays into the stereotype that people of color are quicker to gorw up and thus be treated as adults despite being children like any other child- hence why often in the news when a black child is shot they dont call them a child but "young man", using that to subtly shift it to seem more okay (like we are currently seeing in the genocide of palestine, news calling a murdered SIX year old palestinian "YOUNG WOMAN" while calling a 19 year old white soldier lady who got a little bruise an abused child)

and it also applies to Ganondorf, he is the epitome of evil arab men stereotype, power hungry abusive and ruling over lots of women (in this case its his entire race...), (with a hint of antisemitism too, his hooked nose being both used as an overemphasized feature for arabs and jewish people as a sign of their connection to the devil/sing of evil and to other them from white 'good little noses'- (((i want to yell about this so much bc big and hooked noses are so cool and beautiful argh))) and his skin tone being always some strange greyish-yellow color no one else has and even worse mint green in totks official art, despite him being very dark grey in model- green skin being yet another antisemitic trope PLUS playing into the whole idea that being evil means you also LOOK evil, whichs is often, who would have guessed- anything that isnt the traditional western beauty ideal of thin thin white and young)

while also in totk, he as well is sexualized with his new revealing outfit and the weird constant emphasis on how he is meant to be sexy to everyone alike (and it not being apparent in the game nor used in it) in multiple interviews with the main people in charge of the franchise- and his evilness being what all the Gerudo must atone for, they birthed this eviiil man (who is evil from birth i guess bc thats totally fine and logical) and they have to bear that sin for all eternity (as in dialog about him in the gerudo sage cutscene, plus the whole idea of the closed off city, despite there having been no ganondorf in thousands of years, being closed of to men as to shut out any potential Ganondorf or similar evil? though the latter im not sure how supported it is .. i cant remember every line of dialog ok) while the hyrulean monarchy and its uwu blonde god descdendants are never even confronted with the horrible shit they did, bc its fine if they torture and murder people (OOT and possibly more), chase them into the void or persecute their own servants bc da king got afraid they could rise up against him- with their only choice being give up their tech and knowledge to live under the royal rule (botw/totk ancient shiekah- shiekah, and its presented as a good thing, we are all happy beign the eternal servants of the monarchy :)))) or be killed, and the ones resisting are eviiiill and now a cult and also very stupid and silly and not to be taken seriously (yiga) while its mentioned once as a fun fact and never ever mentioned again, bc, the hyrulean monarchy is all god descendant uwu white blonde people that are so good you guys, everything they do is in the name of good uwu and neva to be questioned uwu bc obviously everyone that opposed to them is evil bc they are the perfectest good guys uwu

youd think, and i hoped, they would do better by now, in botw, the gerudo are not well done at all, different than before but still bad, but at least they introduced other people with darker skin tones that arent Gerudo so they are not the literal only people with non white skin anymore- but with totk espeically, they had the chance to make Ganondorf into an interesting villain with a point, maybe not even full blown villain, bc he has a point- he does but its not treated as such, its treated as if he is the most blatantly flat evil guy ever- even more flat and one note evil than all his previous appearances, which is frankly, quite insulting to say the least

look i wanted to keep it short but here we are, i dont know if this anon was genuinely being genuine or not (since bigots like to act all non offensive and like to ask you to explain your very obvious point ..) but i dont htink i ever talked about it as a whole so eh- i probably missed stuff but anyway, heres a good video about it for zelda in particular

youtube

#ganondoodles answers #zelda #i really dont think you need to be an expert to see why how they are portrayed is off #but who knows #none of the biggest zelda youtubers ever mention it either #so maybe to some people it realyl is a non problem #...given how many baffling racist comments i have seen about the gerudo .... theres worse i guess #wasted work time with this #but anyway

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bobosbillionsknives · 2 months

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i agree with a lot of your points about knives, i do also think he is aroace of some kind (demi imo), but the way he ignores bodily autonomy wasn't a theme that was new to stampede. the way he consumes other plants and forced vash to use his angel arm are examples of it, though less explicitly 'sexual'. either way, his actions weren't born out of sexual attraction, he simply thinks that all plants are an extension of himself and he can use their bodies as he pleases since its for a 'greater purpose'. he is not a predator but he isn't innocent either

Oh no no no no no no no I do NOT wanna give the impression that I am genuinely defending knives is ANY way. 😭

I completely agree with everything you're saying. He is inarguably abusive. Saying he's not would be a wild ass claim to make. 🙏 My only argument here is that it isn't specifically sexual, but I'll get more into that in a bit. 😝 I have SO MUCH to say abt this...so I'm gunna use this as an excuse to word vomit on y'all. Thank you for bringing this to me I am itching.CRAVING to talk about my favorite girls always. 🤗💖

INSANE ESSAY POSTING LETS GOO !!!

I think your point on Knives seeing the plants as an extension of himself is SPOT ON!!! He does the same thing with Vash too. He's doing it because hes so stuck up his own ass he seriously thinks there is no possible way he could ever be wrong, everyone else is just too blind or stupid to see it his way. That's why he does the whole "eternal suffering for Vash the Stampede" bit. He genuinely cannot comprehend that Vash just fundamentally disagrees with him. He thinks if Vash goes out and sees every horrible thing a human can be he'll finally give up the hippy dippy act and face this false reality Knives made up as a coping mechanism so he never has to actually face any of his problems. Cause stabbing all your problems away is waaaaay easier than actual growth or change. Top ten girls who are trapped by the horrors of their past 😂!

Knives has a blatant misunderstanding of people's worth outside of himself. He disregards the lives of others constantly, he literally murdered 20 mil+ and was genuinely confused when Vash was mad at him for it. He doesn't take anything seriously. He especially doesn’t take physical pain seriously, unless it’s happening to himself. [DID YOU ACTUALLY SHOOT ME!!?] He's said that he knows none of the crazies he sends after Vash can ever kill him. He thinks if they can't kill him, then none of the hurt Vash experiences during these fights really count. Its always a game to him. He knows Vash will be fine because he has faith in his ability to fight. (He's complimented his fighting skills several times lol.) Yet he’s consistently shocked and disgusted when he sees Vashes scars, like he didn’t play a role in that ??? He just never thought of it until it was literally staring him in the face.

HE THINKS EVERYTHINGS A DAMN GAME !!!!!

Knives never really wants to force Vash to agree with him either, he's literally waited decades for him to come around to his point. He's definitely lashed out violently before, and has disregarded his safety. But I don't think he actually even likes seeing Vash in pain 😭 (maybe a little in a Itoldyouso brother kinda way lol.) He's completely horrified when he sees his scars. This panel speaks absolute VOLUMES to me. He is angry that Vash would allow people to hurt him this much. (Bro is for sure a victim blamer 🥱 Vash OBVIOUSLY should've known humans are evil and would do this to him. 🙄 HIS FAULT !) Those scars solidify in his mind that his brother is reckless, and clearly doesn't know what's best for himself. That's why he feels the right to "save" him from humans. Knives out of anyone in the world knows how much Vash disregards his own life. He's angry that his own brother would choose the perceived violence of humanity instead of the safety he has worked SO hard to cultivate for over a hundred years. After everything they learned from their childhoods, Vash would have to be deaf and dumb to keep crawling back to them. (From his perspective anyway.)

Everything Knives does he thinks is to better Vashes life. That's what makes him such a tragic character to me. He genuinely believes he's in the right and doing everything he has to so him and his brother can feel that safety that was never guaranteed to them in childhood. He loves Vash, (PLATONICALLY !!!! 😰) He wants Vash to be happy. He just doesn't understand why, that despite everything, living alongside the humans is what makes him happy. Something he only accepts at the end of trimax when he literally trees himself to assumed death so Vash could have that. Knives is unambiguously in the wrong, but I do think his thought processes are sympathetic. WRONG. But like .I get it girl. Besides, he acts more like a toxic mother than anything. How DARE you be so ungrateful after everything I've ever done for you that you've never even asked for. ✋😒 and EXPLICITLY told me not to do. Ugh. 🙄 you don't even love me…guess im just a terrible brother than huh…🥀 BITCH SHUT UP !!!!

Now about the asexuality, not only...do I think Knives is aroace. I think he's completely sex REPULSED!!!!! Sex is a mark of human degeneracy, animals clinging for power over each other. Hed think hes above it !! It would disgust him, I don't think he's ever had a sexual thought in his life. He’s also a Jesus freak he'd think procreation in general is a sin 🙄‼️ik his interpretation of the bibles gotta be INSANE. Exploring sensuality is like a normal and healthy thing to do no fucking WAY Knives is self aware enough to do all that. If he could experience any kind of libido, his hatred of humans would never allow him to explore it anyway. Since sex is such a huge part of human culture. He probably thinks consensual sex is a myth humans made up to assault each other easier…😭

this is literally him bro I can't see him any other way...🚬 He's literally a pearl clutching mom who refuses to understand anyone else's experiences because he doesn't understand them.

I can't imagine him being able to feel romantic love either...I actually think it would be pretty out of character ngl. Plus I think it could be an interesting element of why he feels so disconnected from humanity in general. It would be part of why he feels the need to define himself as alien. Knives would rather die than admit this, (and he did) but all he's ever wanted was understanding. The same way Vash does. Knives doesn't understand sexuality/romance, or deep empathy, or most social confinements at all. That's clear by his inappropriate emotional reactions and lack of a filter. He can't feel emotions the same way Vash or Rem can. It makes it very difficult for him to relate to and connect with others. Especially Rem. He feels too wrong, too broken, too alien. But he's convinced himself that this is actually a superiority. So he can sleep at night. But he's far more human than he'll ever be willing to accept. The familial love he feels for Vash is the only thing that makes him feel normal. And it's why he clings to it so desperately. I think that feeling being explicitly familial makes the most sense for the story.

(cut for explicit talk of SA/CSA)

Im never one to dismiss bad actions from a fictional character. If I thought Knives was a sexual abuser, id say it. I even considered it before I watched/read Trigun and kept it in mind the whole time because of how prevalent of a take it is. If anything, I feel like theres more evidence for metaphorical depictions of Knives BEING sexually abused than being the sexual abuser. I mean his literal whole thing is how plants bodies are used and abused against their will. Solely for the humans gain. While it's slowly and painfully killing them. And how afraid he is that they'll do it to him too....😭 He would be absolutely HORRIFIED by SA. I just don't think it's an abuse he'd perpetuate. It goes against literally everything he stands for. I get he’s a hypocrite and all but I could just never see Knives of all people doing anything sexually ever. ESPECIALLY for his own pleasure.

Both Vash and Knives read to me as CSA victims. This would need to be a separate post all together because there is entirely just too much to say. But I feel very strongly about this interpretation and it's why I'm so firm on this. Sexual abuse is a huge theme in trigun OBVIOUSLY!! And Vash and Knives can easily represent different ways people cope with trauma like that. Knives gets angry, and bitter, and lashes out. While Vash shuts himself off, and tries to run away from it all. Two extremes from two brothers. Two sides of the same coin and all that. They've been victimized, I think it's the main reason why Knives would be so angry and distrustful of humans. Now I know Steve was kind of a throw away character from the anime- but I believe long term interpersonal abuse from a human early in life would explain a lot of the deep rooted hatred Knives has for humanity. Along with his hatred for Rem if she failed to protect them, and his deep sense of entitlement to protect Vash if Vash couldn't protect himself. (Tesla was the last straw for Knives bc at least for a while he thought he could trust Conrad till all that happened and he realized the only person he could ever trust was Vash, and that fear never really left him even 100+ years after.) (My interpretation of Conrads role is also a different post gerrrrr TOO MUCH TO SAY.)

Knives' ideology has always been inconsistent, I can easily see him disregarding autonomy in some ways but refusing to in others and never making a mental connection between the two. Plus Knives would think Vashes scars are shameful and disgusting. He probably cant even make himself look at him let alone touch him be so fr. Knives' definitely has an unhealthily attachment to Vash but not in a sexy sex or ROMANCE way 🤦‍♂️ ITS JUST HIS BPD YA’LL 😝‼️#favoriteperson #extremefearofabandonment #vashkeepsleavinghim (also another separate insane essay post) there is no argument here that Knives isn’t extremely bad at emotional regulation. Familial/platonic dynamics like that happen literally all the time it’s just not evidence of anything to me. I can't even see Knives directly punching someone let alone be capable of sexual violence against his own BROTHER ? I'd argue he's far more verbally/emotionally abusive than he ever is physically anyway. He doesn't even kill directly, it's always either done without a second thought by his powers, indirectly by starving the population out, or by making other people do it for him. He doesn't seem to actually enjoy seeing people in pain, more the satisfaction of a job well done. I don't see why this wouldn't apply to Vash too? He doesn't even usually initiate their physical fights. Vash does. (He has every right to, for the record. Knives just doesn't comprehend why Vash would be mad so he always tries to talk like everything is normal. Lol.) And when they are fighting he always puts his hand on his face ?? More annoying than a direct indication of violence. He could just punch him or something but he doesn't? Like violence in Trigun isn't a thing known to happen. Idk I think that's interesting and worth exploring a bit yk ???

Obviously he chopped his arm off I'm not saying he's innocent there either, just that he's more likely to be emotionally manipulative than explicitly interpersonally violent LOOLL. He didn't chop off his brothers arm because he enjoyed it, to him that pain is neutral. It was just a super casual reminder. But SEXUAL violence is completely different, sure it'll leave scars but you can heal from physical pain all day and night I mean commooon it barely even COUNTS as real pain. (Because he rarely has to experience it.) (A certain someone's got a major empathy problem.) And if it kills you it doesn't matter cuz you're already dead 😝!! But SA is different. It's his worst fear and greatest agony. It's something he knows sticks with you your whole life, he doesn't think that's a wound capable of being healed. (So he never tries and chooses to live in constant fear and anger instead.) That's how I see it anyway...🤕 Again it's not like he's a reasonable guy he is known to be a bit unstable idk if u knew...

Actually if anything, I think Vash would be the more interpersonally violent of the two. (Vashes abuse is always reactionary tho he would never act like that if Knives would just be normal lol he is not the aggressor here.) I can't see Knives punching Vash but I could VERY easily see Vash punching Knives ykwim ??? (For trimax anyway, ik kid Knives beats the shit out of him in 98 which I DO think is funny. But I don't accept into my personal canon okay LISTEN we are talking about a lot of conflicting characterizations here. JUST HEAR ME OUT. ✋) Knives never even really blames Vash for BLOWING HIS LEGS OFF in July too, which I always thought was so interesting. It makes me think this is actually a common thing for them to the point that they don't even argue about it outside of "are you actually aiming at me again 🙄?" Which is more bitchy than angry. Like ugh I can't believe you. Typical, typical Vash. 🥱 He'd probably use it as a way of proving to him that they are the same. And despite denying it, Vash would actually agree and feel a deep sense of shame abt it. He's had 150 years of pent up anger after all. He almost killed him with a rock once lol. I'm tired of everyone woobifying Vash as some kind of perpetual uwu victim. Vash is fucking mean sometimes. He is just as capable of violence as Knives is. The same way Knives is just as capable of great kindness. It is known that Vash is in fact physically STRONGER than Knives. (With his plant powers and id assume in general because Vash actually goes outside while Knives reads in his garden all day.) I truly believe that the only reason Knives ever wins the sibling fights is because of Vashes constant hesitance. He's not a battered wife stereotype. All Vash wants is control over his own life, the last thing he'd want to see himself as is a helpless victim. It's why he always pretends nothing is ever wrong with him. It's why he doesn't accept help, and values other people's problems far above his own. His kindness was always an active choice and that's why he's such a powerful character. And Knives would bring out the absolute worst in him LOOL all that work he's done to better himself is instantly thrown out the window the second Knives' very punchable face walks in the room.

He was fighting absolute demons not to run over and beat tf out of Knives in this panel

This is why I feel so disgusted by stampede and the way they handled their relationship. They've dumbed down these characters to the point that they are unrecognizable. Literally every aspect of stampedes portrayal of them feels like a first conclusion based on a synopsis of their goals and personalities. I get there's only one season but that's a LOT to fuck up in one season bro. 😭. There is absolutely no salvaging Nai as a character for me. I'd cover my drink around that guy I find him genuinely repulsive. At least with trimax, you can read around an initial sussy reading if you wanted. How anyone defends Nai, I don't even know. That whole plant insemination thing is pretty on the nose y'all. Literally doesn't even make sense for him to do that like? Why would he want more independent plants??? It's like they tried to make Knives' motivations make sense when the whole point should be that they don't. He's fighting ghosts out of fear. Stampede wasn't even good enough to justify its own existence by how it looks. Adding peculiar plant pregnancy preggo fetish incest bait is just the turd on the turd cake. They ruined the most compelling part of the story for me. Pfft.... But whatever...🚬 not like I care ....🚬

Not to mention Legato y'all don't even get me started. The guy that HATES humans more than anything in the world taking in a HUMAN -SEX TRAFFICKING VICTIM. The one time he's ever taken pity on a human being and it was someone who was the victim of a violent sex crime. Yeah guys that dude. Total raper. Defo a brother diddler. What the fuck are we talking about right now y'all. I genuinely feel like sexual violence would be the last thing knives would ever do ever. I understand that there are sus scenes in the manga that could be interpreted this way, but considering the many themes in Trigun and his place in the story as a whole, I think it is such a misrepresentation. And it frustrates me to see it as one of the only things talked about in regards of his character. If I could, I'd rewrite every scene in the world so people could understand what I see, but I can't. And I know I can't control how other people see the media I like. Trigun is extremely interpretive, and I understand why this is a common conclusion. But I guess I just can't shake the feeling that it's more complicated than that. I have criticisms with trimax and ESPECIALLY 98. And there's obvi a lot id change to fit what I'd find most interesting. (Also why every headcanon revolves around Knives somehow teehee) BUUUUUT I do think all of my analysis is pretty based in canon. I can't stress how insane I am about this and how much I've thought about it 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕. Believe me, I've considered every obstacle. And I've stayed consistent.

Knives is a raper feels like the easy answer to me. To be completely blunt, it's just not as compelling. Vash and Knives would both have very complicated relationships with their bodies and sensualities and gender and their relation to their plantself and their humanself and blah blah blah whatever. I'd much rather explore that as a separate result of the same abuse than default to supercestsimulator69. Knives is already an abuser. Making him a sexual aggressor too doesn't really add anything to the story besides diminish and dumb down his very complex motivations. Vash and Knives should be very good friends who know each other better than anyone. (They are trauma bonded like CRAAAZZY, very codependent like y'all get it.) I think that would make their conflict SO much more interesting. While providing some great context to why Vash is so willing to give every horrible person he meets a second chance at life. If I saw my brother, who I love, and is my best friend in the whole wide world, slowly deteriorate under the pressure of the abuse we we're BOTH experiencing; go fucking crazy and kill everyone. And I KNEWW. He genuinely believed he was doing what he had to do to protect the both of us...I'd probably also give everyone the benefit of the doubt idk. Vash understanding Knives' motivations but still holding on to that (justified) resentment and anger is ESSENTIAAAL to their dynamic and also literally all of Trigun. Sexual abuse throws a rock in all of this. If anything I think Knives would tell Vash "I'm the only one who WOULDN'T assault you. They're human, they'll only see you for how useful you are. It's what they do. It's what you know they do. You're choosing them over me the same way Rem chose Steve over us." Knives' abuse is complicated and multifaceted, not just some gross display of power. He's not even the most power hungry character in the world. He's got a whole cult dedicated to him that he canonically IGNORES.

And he sure as shit doesn't respect people who are desperate for power over others!! He'd think he's above that too. Just more evidence of human deviance. (Like the scene in 98 where kid Vash and Knives are watching the humans fight over water. Animals who think one is more deserving of resources than the other.) He's narcissistic in the literal diagnosable sense but definitely not some kinda megalomaniac. I think that's a huge mischaracterization. He doesn't want to rule the world, he wants to destroy it. And he wants Vash to be his equal in this, he respects Vash. (as far as someone like Knives can respect anybody at all) He doesn't understand why Vash would choose to be so "dumb" because he's never allowed himself to feel the vulnerability of potential harm that Vash wants him to understand is worth it. It's why he locks himself away from the world, he's afraid of being victimized again. Knives' morals are all over the place, he genuinely doesn't think murder is bad but would consider sexual violence to be the worst thing anyone could ever do EVER. It's not like we're talking about the beacon of reason and consistency here y'all, Knives is cray cray sauce.

Anyway that's my thoughts, sorry this took forever to answer. 😿 And ended up being SOOO long.. I've on and off mauled over this writing and rewriting again trying to make any of my garbled thoughts make any sense. Hope it resonates with anybody at least bc I genuinely feel like I've been taking crazy pills lately LOOL. Take care of yourselves everyone. 💖 Never an easy subject to talk about.

#tw sa mention #theres more to say with knives and the plants too but thats an entirely different essay post LOLL #thank you again for the ask I was itching for some kind of excuse to get my thoughts together like this 😭🙏#my based takes #asks #vash the stampede #millions knives #trigun #ive been putting off posting anything else to force myself to finish this...sorray yaaalll.....hope it was werth it thoo....#do NOT let him talk about trigun yall. 😂 !! you'll never hear the end !!!!#trigun maximum

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magoapple · 5 months

Text

Opposites?

Seungmin x Neutral Reader

Word Count: 1.2k

Genre: kinda enemy to lovers fluff

Warnings: sassy seungmin but that's not a warning you know what you're getting into

Summary: Seungmin is sassy and looks like a puppy while you look sassy but are like a golden retriever. Do opposites attract or are you really opposites to begin with? And what happens when Seungmins sarcastic jokes go to far?

When the guys first met you, they were positive you and Seungmin would get along because you just had this sassy look to you. They soon figured out they were very wrong. You and Felix were actually the ones to get along the most. The two of you would joke non-stop, and the guys learned you were nothing more than a golden retriever. Han would often make jokes saying you and Seungmin were a perfect match because he looked like a puppy but was super sassy, and you were the complete opposite.

The members loved when you would visit because they felt like they could just be themselves around you. Seungmin, however, disliked when you would come over. You were always joking and laughing with the members, yet it seemed you could never tell when he was joking or not. You being over always made his head hurt because he was constantly rolling his eyes. Today when Felix invited you over, things were actually peaceful for once, but that all started to change.

You and Felix were playing UNO and the game was getting pretty intense. You had just laid down your third draw 2 card, leaving Felix to pick up 12 cards in total. “Oh my god Y/N why would you do this?!” You didn't even need a second to think before spitting out the your mom card. Seungmin took in a deep breath and quickly got up. “You know Y/N you want to hear a joke?”

You looked suspicious but nodded your head. “Um, sure why not.” Seungmin gave a disappointed look before speaking. “You know, I really like walks, especially when they're taken by the people who irritate me.” You were straight up confused. Until his words registered in your mind. “Oh… Do I annoy you, Seungie?”

Seungmin would often make these sarcastic jokes with the members all the time. Felix placed his hand on your shoulder and shook his head. “He's just being sassy Y/N he jokes like that with all us.”

“Oh Seungmin is that true, for a second I thought I really bothered you, if I did, I'd feel bad.” You gave him a gentle smile and Seungmin felt a little bad but brought himself back to the present. “Yeah joking… Why don't you guys play this somewhere else, I'm trying to relax.” Felix rolled his eyes and helped you pick up the cards before heading to his room with you. “Don't worry about him, he's just mister grumpy pants.”

“Are you sure? He did seem really upset, I just don't want to be rude. I am a guest here, after all.” Felix comforted you for a few minutes before you guys went back to playing your game. You two only played for another hour before watching a movie. Halfway through the film, Felix had fallen asleep and you sighed. That left you and Seungmin as the only two awake and in the dorm.

You carefully walked into the living room and heard the soft sounds of voices playing on the TV. As you got closer, you saw Seungmin was on his phone and you smiled. He was actually adorable when not being a sassy pant. The moment was ruined as your foot stepped on a creaky board, sending his head snapping in your direction. “What are you doing?” You fiddled with your fingers before sitting on the couch. “Um, Felix is sleeping, and he's my ride so yeah.”

“Well, just get an Uber, I'm trying to enjoy my alone time.” You didn't say anything and just sat there. You knew how Seungmin was, but today it seemed like he wasn't joking. “Do I really bother you that much? So much that it's painful to just have me sit here, even if I was quiet?”

Seungmin rolled his eyes. “Well, you're not being quiet so… I don't know.” You huffed. “I'll never understand you, I try to be nice, and I understand you're the sarcastic one, but there are limits Seungmin limits.” You got up and grabbed your stuff, not even checking if you had everything. “When Felix wakes up, tell him I went home.”

Seungmin didn't bother nodding his head, he just went back to his phone. He did feel a little bad about how he worded his words. Then again, if you said you knew he was sarcastic, then you shouldn't have taken his words seriously. He sat for a few seconds before rubbing his hand across his face. “Ugh, why do I care.”

Seungmin was really questioning himself as he stood up and walked outside. He let out a thankful sigh when he saw you still standing by the bus stop. “Bus hasn't come by yet?” His force scared you and you jumped in place. “Geez next time announce your presence, you scared the living shit out of me!”

For the first time today, Seungmin smiled. “My bad, listen I apologize for earlier, I forgot you're not like the guys.”

“Well, what is that supposed to mean?” Seungmin sat down on the bench and ran his fingers through his hair. “I guess I just mean you're different, I didn't mean to make you think I was being serious.” You sat down next to him, looked his way. A blush spread across your face when his eyes met yours. “I just was convinced I was annoying you, and no one wants to be an annoyance to their crush.”

You dryly chuckled before realizing what you had said. There was no taking it back now because, sadly, life did not have a reset button. “You like me?”

“Uh, yeah, I really thought it was obvious.” Seungmin blinked. “I mean like why I'm like a sarcastic bag of sassy, and you're super adorable who gets hurt at my jokes.” You scoffed while hitting him with your shoulder. “Okay ouch, but I don't always get hurt, just here recently when I was catching feelings. I thought it was obvious and so when you kept making your jokes It seemed like you were being serious, and it hurt.”

Seungmin didn't mean to hurt you if he did. “Well, I'm sorry it seemed that way… Um, why don't we head inside and watch something, it's getting cold out here.” You nodded and agreed with him, as it was getting a bit chilly. “Yeah, I'd like that.”

As Seungmin got up, he held out his hand for you. This was like the first time he was being like a gentleman towards you. “Wow, Kim Seungmin, this is a new side to you.” He laughed, opening the dorm door for you as well. “What can I say, I'm secretly like the nicest person you'll meet?”

“Well, I'll be the judge of that if… You know you'd ever want to maybe spend time together just us not the other members.” Seungmin thought for a few seconds. “You know I might just enjoy that.” You both exchanged smiles and plopped on the couch, finishing the film Seungmin was watching. After a while Felix had woken up and walked into the living room.

He had to rub his eyes multiple times to see if what he was looking at was true. You were sleeping with your head on Seungmins shoulder, and Seungmin was fine with it. He was even laying his on top of yours. “Oh my God, what happened?" Seungmin gently shrugged his shoulders.

“We talked now shh Y/N is sleeping.” Felix was confused but also to tired to judge. After he left Seungmin rested his head back in yours and closed his eyes. He could definitely get used to this.

◄Tumblrs system works on reblogs so if you'd like to support my content please reblog but do NOT feel obligated to►

#kpop #fyp #stray kids #fanfic #fluff #kim seungmin #seungmin x reader #gender neutral reader

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yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt · 8 months

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I am Never Not Thinking about Comic Ambrosius y'all

This mf was clearly so obsessed with Ballister, constantly showing up to "thwart" his plans without ever seeming to take it seriously, seemingly just as an excuse to be around him. He acts like a bratty thirteen-year-old with a crush who never got taught to express it properly.

He seems to live in his own little world, where he and Ballister have this silly little Nemesis relationship that's just a part of a game instead of the deeply fractured and tragic thing that it was. Presumably because it's easier to deal with than the guilt.

In the prison scene, he seems to completely ignore when Ballister basically tells him to shut the fuck up, continuing to reminisce fondly as though they're still friends. I really feel like he lives in his own little reality half the time. Living in a little world where they're playing a game of cops and robbers and they're still close deep down, even if he isn't doing it consciously, is a lot easier than acknowledging his guilt and the pain he caused someone he loved.

I think this is the reason he didn't apologize for so long, and also the reason his memory is so shit even before the head injuries. He legitimately cannot remember exactly what happened at the joust. He wanted so hard to believe it was an accident, to live in a world where it was an accident, that his brain created a false reality and erased the parts of his own memories that contradicted that. He didn't even realize that he hadn't apologized. He is horrified to receive that information. His brain constructed a reality where they had already made up, even though he knew they hadn't. His memories got so jumbled between his imagined and true experiences that he just assumed he must have already apologized, because he was sorry, why wouldn't he have?

I'm not trying to say that he was struggling with psychosis, he knew what was and wasn't real. But his brain dealt with guilt and trauma in very disorienting ways, choosing to ignore or erase truths that hurt him.

I can't imagine what their healing journey must have been like. Imagine trying to un-fuck the thing you fucked up the most in your entire life while also learning how to exist without the ability to walk unassisted, and possibly also recovering from brain damage, dysmorphia from your face getting shredded, and a myriad of other injuries. I cannot imagine the self-worth of someone who is being cared for by the person they love the most, who they irreparably hurt, while also feeling like a burden because they are newly disabled and can't yet take care of themselves.

Also it makes me sad when people talk like Blackheart would hate/be cruel to him post-comic like he wasn't willing to die/kill his friend to save him. He'd give him a ton of shit all the time probably but he'd also protect him like a wolfhound change my mind okay I'm done thanks for coming to my Ted talk

#maybe Im neurodivergent and projecting my own tendencies to fictionalize my reality #and my experience with depersonalization and maladaptive daydreaming and how they affect memory #but I feel like I saw so much of that in him which is why I have such a soft spot for him #ambrosius goldenloin #nimona novel #nimona comic #nimona #ballister blackheart #cw unreality

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worstvideogamesong-poll · 5 months

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Worst Video Game Song Tournament - Round 2 Match 5

Know What I Mean? - Mario Party 2

youtube

VERSUS

The Yoshi Clan - Yoshi's New Island

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FIGHT!

I would recommend listening to as much as you can of each song before voting, but how you choose is up to you! Remember to be civil in the tags and replies!

Propaganda under cut:

Know What I Mean?:

"#i'm going with the mario party #it's SO off-tune and off-beat constantly #which i think is intentional but #i hate it"

(in reference to its previous match) "#this literally isn't even a fight. coughing baby vs nuclear bomb level matchup. what the fuck was that mario song. who thought that was a #good idea. i want to have words with them."

"#kwim is overstimulation in its purest form #it's the musical equivalent of getting nonstop discord notifications while looking for something i dropped while someone is talking to me"

"#know what i mean absolutely ROCKS. horrible. rocks so hard. they did the same thing that yoshi clan did. im guffawing"

The Yoshi Clan:

"the ass band will play a song of farts to celebrate your failure"

"#FUCK YOU YOSHI"

"#yoshi sounds like suck"

"#YOOOOOOOOSHI CLAAAAN!!!!!!!! #ok im gonna complete my santa review before getting to my ten page essay on why i love yoshi clan. yea that shit bad #i accidentally started it playing in two tabs at different points of the video which was honestly really fun. i recommend tryin that esp wi #bad songs really adds smthn to the exprience. it was awesoeme #it also just sounds the exact type of awful that that video image implies which is cool. its so perfect. it sounds ass #but. what it can not beat. is my favorite of all time. my darling love. it is time to begin my sermon #ok so yoshi clan is just so beautifully terrible. and truly the whole soundtrack is an orchestra of bad design. and its so fun to look at #that really nice professional looking art for the game and get BLASTED with kazoo #and like. i understand the thought process. kazoo does seem silly goofy yoshi. and it also sounds like a chorus of pain #now this song specifically has some really great awkward pauses. at 0:16 theres like a full 3 seconds of silence. which is SO cool #then the hot cross bun bit that ends at 0:27 gets so sad and deflated at the end of it. like it starts off in time but then clearly the #soloist got kinda embarrassed alone and so rushed and got really quiet. and its just so sad and lonely. its so cool #also some of these pauses have a couple lone far away kazoo squeaks for no reason before the 'melody' comes back in? awesome #but what i really really love about this. what really draws my eye. is the ending. because we go through this entire rigamarole with the #worst secondhand embarrassment of my life. then. 0:43. the kazoos move out. and in. the most genuinely awesome groovy drum beat in the worl #like its SO good. and those last few seconds are like you're in a different world. like you just survived horrors and you are brought to an #angelic chorus. and it lasts what 5 seconds? 5 seconds of beauty after a full 40 seconds of purgatory. in what world do horrors live foreve #while an angel can last for only a flash #its cruelty. its injustice. its completely ingenious. incredible music making. i am in such awe. #anyways thats my manifesto. please feel free to put any of this in the propaganda section op. im passioante"

Feel free to add more propaganda in the tags and replies, or send it to me in the ask box and I'll try to share it as soon as I can!

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swords-of-a-soilder · 3 months

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Just Shapes

youtube

I'm just venting here, I'm not asking for advice if anything the most I'd want is a supportive word or two.

A random day in 2022 I was playing the Sims on my mother's laptop, I had a lot of mods of course, a few risky ones in including.

I had a queer couple, that I loved playing with, but suddenly whenever they got intinment, they had a moodlit in which they express not being intersed in each other.

It felt like my entire world had fell apart, I was in frantic tears trying to fix. I would constantly jump back and forth from create a sim trying to figure out what mod was breaking their relationship.

I eventually fixed it, but once I did, once I looked back at these sims again, they became shapes, pixels on a screen they weren't real they were never real.

I close that save, then never opened it again.

Perphas I'm parasocial in what I'm about to say, but the reality is we're all parasocial it's why certain careers exist. streamers depend on the viewer being parasocial, our enjoyment is what pay them.

Its just some people take things too far, and it gives parasocial behaviors a bad name, I knew the qsmp characters were different from their actors(streamers) that played them.

I'm not the type of person who thought Philza minecraft was my best friend but q!Philza was someone else entirely. Someone I felt close to, someone who's journey I felt apart of; Those eggs were just as much my kids as his own, I felt like a resident.

With Forever's removal and q!forever with him I became painful awear of what I was watching.

The series that keep me company when I quit my abusive job and was seeking new ones, The series that made me forget the pain of being hit by a car, the series that made me forget the Sexual abuse I expressed at my newer job that I shortly quit after.

The pain I felt over and over non stop, the continuous cycle of trauma I was able to process slowly without feeling alone. Living in that tiny space, with nothing to eat but determine not to go back to my abuser, at least with them I wasn't alone.

Perhaps I'm parasocial for feeling like a resident, perhaps I'm parasocial for loving Chayanne and Tallulah like my own children, perhaps I was parasocial for cheering for my team in Purgatory.

But it meant so much more to me than just a Minecraft roleplay server, it was my entire life. And now it's just shapes, pixels and shapes on a screen.

I think back to Qsmp 2023 and it's there, the joy, this overall sense of Happiness these people I know and care about, I made a Tumblr account just to see more art of them, I engaged in headcannons, joined discord servers with other residents we were all residents.

Whether you were a crow that sat top q!Philza's head, the voices in q!Fit's head; your art sat in the museum, your head canon's adopted into canon and your jokes acknowledged.

We were residents, without ever stepping foot on that island....

Now Tumblr still recommends me clip, There are some people I forgot to unfollow or choice not to. They show me the new Island and new creators, they tell me about the new mods and new characters.

They show my children, they show me my friend q!Philza, they show me all these things I love but..

It's Just Shapes...

Now in it's current existence it's just shapes, pixel on a screen actors In a play, I see nothing but the actors behind it, nothing but improvised roleplay, nothing but a video game.

Shapes.. and it drives me insane that some people don't understand that, and it comes with the neurodiversity I Know. no one ever talks about how painful hyperfixation death truly is.

Its made worst by seeing how the fandom, the other residents have started turning on one another. Residents bite and growl at me like I'm a villain came to kill them, I was one of you!

It wasn't my choice but it's one I'm glad for, seeing how cruel We've became. It isn't even the same island anymore, they left me behind on the old one.

And that's fine, the new one is just a pixilated mess to me.

#qsmp discourse #vent post #qsmp #ace says shit #i feel like people are gonna assume inwas one of those annoying chatters from this Post #for the record #i didn't even use the chat feature most times #I was a vod watcher for most of it #so when I started catching lives I didn't talk much #i don't care either way #just putting it out there #Youtube

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bsd-elle · 1 year

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Thoughts on Buddy Daddies Episode 10

Too many thoughts, in a way I haven't felt in a long time.

I expected angst, but I didn't think they would proceed the way they did with this episode.

Bringing back Miri's mom to trigger doubt in their relationship was so heartbreaking.

Because you can tell so much about all three of them.

Kazuki even calls her out, that her intention is all about herself.

Whereas both Rei and Kazuki, throughout their discussion put their sole focus on Miri and her opinion and her happiness.

In fact, I'm sure Kazuki understood her mom more than ever.

Him loosing his family and trying to build a family now, it could've very easily been a method for him to gain self validation and just validation in general, but not once, throughout the series has he EVER projected his trauma onto Miri, but rather it pushes him to do better for her.

Both of them care so deeply for her, that they never brought themselves into the conversation, 'we took care of her for a year', 'we're here for her', nothing.

From the jump it was, Miri's happiness is our main priority.

And that's why, Kazuki was so adamant on not giving way to her decision, which is when their occupation comes into play.

On paper, not an ideal situation, two hitmen whose lives are constantly in danger, raising a child... I understand her perspective, but it's malicious that she used the only tactic she could to plant the seed of uncertainty in their minds.

Which brings us to their conversation with Kyuu.

They realised the depth of the circumstances of their jobs, but I think the 'dream' like state they were in, this haze, almost shielded them from even considering reality.

Because what would they do when Miri finds out about her real father, about their jobs, that she's in danger, grave danger, all because of them.

And that is the only reason Kazuki changes his mind.

He must've been struggling internally, to give Miri back to her mom would be tough on a kid, and who knows how she would raise Miri.

But he safety and happiness comes first.

He tries to convince himself that they wouldn't want to carry on with any regrets.

And they spend the day like normal, both of them fawning over Miri.

And we see the pure anguish on Kazuki's face as he realises the impact Miri has had on him, the changes she has brought, and how it would soon leave.

He understands the consequences of his original decision to take care of Miri.

And although it has significantly improved all of their lives, he still wants her to be happy, even without them.

He brings up the cat, and reminds us that he still remembers it even after a year, because that's the value he places on other living creatures, on life, and he doesn't take that for granted.

Kazuki planned the entire day for them to spend together, strategically including games and rock climbing so even Rei could get involved, because this was potentially the last time they could spend together. And he understood that Rei might not openly express his pain and suffering, and pushed them to spend time together, to, like he said, have no more regrets.

The way Kazuki was hovering over Miri's every move, I really can't imagine how it would be now, for him to silently worry over Miri without ever being close to her.

Miri has both of them completely wrapped around her little fingers, and they totally realize that their lives will never really be the same again.

And what's so painful about it is that you can tell how much Miri has changed both of them in such a drastic manner.

When Kazuki began to spiral in his thoughts, Rei was the one who said, hey, let's just have fun today.

Both of them have become support pieces to each others lives through Miri, and I truly hope they realize that that would never change.

Rei and Kazuki's conversation in the Ferris wheel was so beautiful. Because they both understand that their lives have changed for the better since Miri came into their lives, but unfortunately, they haven't changed, and they don't have an option to change.

They are constantly tied to their jobs and can't escape from that world, and the only way to ensure Miri's happiness is to let her get away from that world.

From their world.

Miri was their beacon of light through the darkness, and a Mirage of what could've been, but no matter what, it could never actually be this way.

They are a happy, little family, but unfortunately, dreams are a little too misty to see through it.

And the Ferris wheel is the perfect metaphor for that, it's their own little world, isolated from their pasts, their traumas, and everything that ties them to the real world.

Their in their own cocoon of love, comfort and happiness, and once they reach the high of it, they understand that that's the highest things can go, this is the most amount of happiness and comfort they can ever recieve and eventually they have to come down their high, to touch back to the real world, and give up their happiness, give up Miri, for her to grasp to her normal happiness, something that she deserves, something they will never be able to grasp.

And aahh... When Kazuki runs back to tie his scarf around her, to ensure that she wouldn't catch a cold, because this was his daughter, someone he cared about more than he could ever think of, more than he could've ever imagined he was capable of.

The parallel to the time he went back to take care of the cat, still tied to every person he was forced to abandon.

Rei and Kazuki have the discussion of 'changes', and although it's evident that both of them have changed and progressed drastically, the environment and the circumstances around them haven't, and giving up Miri was the ultimate sacrifice and sign of that.

(few things to note:

Miri never told her mom that she would rather stay with her than her Papas, she just said that she loves both of them.

Miri has a car seat in the car, and something about that makes me so🥺.

Although the angst is STRONG, in the episode, and I'm lousy at making predictions, I think Miri will definitely be upset and demand to see her papas again, which ugh... How could you let a four year old go through all of this.

It makes sense that this was the route they opted for, because imo, the pain they must feel to intentionally give up Miri must be so much more heartwrenching than actually loosing her.

But I'm still praying for them to actually betray the Agency.. I'm betting on that🤞).

#buddy daddies #miri buddy daddies #rei buddy daddies #kazuki buddy daddies #buddy daddy spoilers #bd #kazuki kurusu #rei suwa #miri unasaka #anime #this is so angsty and I expected it but it still hit me so hard #I really do hope we get a happy ending #atleast some kind of a happy ending #also Kazuki is so pretty when he cries #not important but it's important to me

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bonefall · 1 year

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Honestly, the two most interesting parts of Bramblestar's character to me in cannon are his heritage to tigerstar and the effects of Ashfur's takeover of his body on his mental state. Does BB!ashfur basically just stick Bramblestar's spirit in a cage in the dark forest like in cannon? Because you could still do interesting things with that.

Bramblestar just being stuck in the dark forest, the place that both his father and brother were put in, and just being forced to do nothing but THINK about his life up until now. It could be the moment of reckoning for Bramblestar, were every delusion and lie he built for himself is unraveled by him as the possiblity that no one comes to save him gnaws at his mind.

And then he comes back to life and finds out that his body got put through a wood chipper and the imposter personally killed several of his clanmates with said body.

That's so interesting to think about, how does this affect him? How does he cope with all of this? Does he still try and be leader or is it basically a formality until he figures out how to make squirrelflight the new leader?

I don't rewrite arcs until they're done, but honestly, I simply don't want a "moment of reckoning" for Bramblestar. I include them for plenty of cats, like Spiderleg, Bumblestripe, Hawkfrost, but I absolutely don't want most characters to get one.

I don't really like it when every (or most) abusers realize and apologize for their actions and have a big turnaround. It kind of rubs me the wrong way that every crappy person has to "see the light" when so often, you don't get that. They live their whole lives acting this way, always insisting they never hurt you, and if they did, you deserved it.

You NEED to learn that they will INSIST it was your fault, when no, it wasn't. And they will never be sorry for what they did. That's it. You were hurt, and there's nothing deep or beautiful about your suffering.

And a person like that can really, truly be in pain (and they usually are, because being a crappy person sucks) and they can still not deserve your extended hand to pull them out.

Bramblestar already worries constantly about the possibility that no one will save him. It's why he plays games with his power. It's why he drives people away to watch them yoyo back. The fact that his family always comes back to him no matter what he does is a comfort. The Dark Forest Cage that Ashfur tosses him in didn't put new thoughts or feelings into his head.

So, we're going to see how ASC pans out, but I'm currently leaning towards Bramblestar clinging to power until the end. He even set up one last "fuck you" to Squirrelflight on the way out with his petty Nightheart Spy Plan, a textbook abusive set-up.

#I LOVE depth and complexity #but I feel like I often find it in the wrong place #It's so much more common to try and shove in nuance to the abuser and to the toxic lover than in the way their victim recovers #More focus on the anti of antiheroes than the hero part #Idk I'm w h i s t f u l about Brambs #But in any case I do not plan to soften him #or give him a Come To Jesus moment #abuse #tw abuse

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friends-to-lovers-tournament · 9 months

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Friends to Lovers Tournament: Round 3, Side A, Match 2

propaganda under the cut!

Polyneed:

Okay so they were childhood friends who wanted to form a band together, but slowly drifted apart after Saki fell ill and was admitted. They formed their band again after Saki joined the school. Originally, Shiho was the only one who wanted to go professional out of all of them and was offered to play with another band who was going pro, but she hesitated because she wanted to continue playing with her friends. HER DREAM WAS RIGHT IN HER GRASP BUT SHE STILL REFUSED. The rest of Leo/Need also decided to go pro with her even though they had no previous experience, just because they wanted to be with their friends. They're constantly encouraging each other and take really good care of each other. They mean sm to me fr 💙💙 Also, some gay ass lyrics from their songs:

Please don't think you don't matter, love won't end this easily- NeedLe

Even if I smile so that I don’t cry Even if I walk so that I don’t fall The words we hide will never be conveyed There’s only one future that we can envision, So let’s see it with our own eyes- 1 For your sake, I shall sing my weaknesses For your sake, I shall realize my hopes For your sake, I'm laughing today May these feelings of ours will resonate with someone's- Order Made Overflowing in my voice, in my thoughts The yearning that I entrusted to you- Voices It's painful and lonely to sing, but If it's with you, then I want to sing for the world- the WALL

They sing an awful lot abt feelings if you know what i mean

Fuyupoly:

Submission 1:

they're from the winter troupe of the mankai company, and unlike the other troupes they're all adults. that said, they all have varying degrees of trauma and emotional stuntedness. it takes them some time to fully open up to each other bc they're all very cautious of each other's boundaries and don't want to cross any lines which initially led to some issues in the group's formation. over time they've learned to bridge the gap while still being mindful of hard boundaries. at one point they have a discussion about what exactly their relationship is (gay) cuz they were talking about how the other troupes have clearly defined dynamics (spring=family, summer=besties, autumn=rivals & teammates) but they don't,, and homare deadass says they're "people bound by a common destiny" which in and of itself sounds very Gay (like why are you as a man bound to other men by a common destiny), but it goes even further because homare starts spouting WEDDING VOWS: "In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, we shall share our laughter and our tears as those with an intertwined fate... How beautiful we are!" THIS IS A DIRECT QUOTE FROM THE GAME AND THE MC EVEN REMARKS "i can already hear wedding bells in the distance..."

gradually they become closer, in individual sub-units based on who's paired up as co-leads for a play, and as a troupe overall. also two of its members are childhood friends who had a messy 'divorce' in their young adulthood and it took the game breaking its genre to introduce a timeloop for them to finally make up if that means anything to you. one of their troupe songs "precious to us ~bokura no kisetsu" has some pretty beautiful and fruity lines: "The many kindnesses born in me here / Never fail to breathe life into my chest / Even all the pain and bitterness / Have now become dear to me (Ah…Stay with me)", "No matter how many times our season passes / Let us keep living together / Holding our hands, without ever letting go / Let us open up the curtain of tomorrow", "There is no need for words, because once our gazes meet / Joy sparks a light in your eyes", "Our journey, may it be a brilliant one / As our breaths overlap as one"

a lot of their plays has a LOT of homoerotic tension between the two leads too. their first play has tsumugi and tasuku play angels, and it's heavily implied that tasuku's character has an unrequited crush on tsumugi's character. their third play has azuma play a vampire and tasuku play Just Some Guy and it's generally agreed in the fandom to be one of the gayest, if not THE gayest, play A3 has ever written. obviously the vampire thing is very fruity, but there's also how the vampire was longing to bite the human but was holding himself back, and when the vampire left the human in the end, the human was absolutely HEARTBROKEN over it and was swearing they would reunite one day. the stage play of this takes it even further by having the vampire embrace the human from behind and BITE his neck. the fourth play is a watered-down adaptation of Phantom of the Opera where they genderbend Christine into Chris among other things and change the relationship between Chris and the Phantom to one of friendship.... ostensibly so, because there's still a lot of homoerotic undertones in their interactions. i could go on but this should be enough of a sampling taste

Submission 2:

the writers rlly said "let's take 2 normal guys who are childhood friends and have been into theatre since their school days and have them go through a pre-canon messy divorce, an eccentric poet with a potentially controversial haircut, an amnesiac sleepyhead who can only be awoken with marshmallows but is also somehow extremely athletic despite doing nothing but sleeping and eating marshmallows all day, a man who is so beautiful and mysterious he breaks gender, and a supposed android from a fictional south asian country, and throw them into a blender, oh and for good measure let's throw in some theatre and angst and gay and angst and gay" and the end result was marriage. i mean it took them a lot of awkward fumbling around and conflicts to get there but they got there and thats what matters. ok *technically* in-text they're all rlly good friends and kinda found family BUT they are found family via marriage papers i do not make the rules chief

Submission 3:

The reason why they are so friends-to-lovers to me is because their relationship is founded on quiet and unconditional acceptance of each other—regardless of how flawed they may be or how heavy their burdens and trauma may be. When the troupe first formed (sans Guy who was in another country at the time), they didn’t have any major clashing personalities at the very beginning and generally they were mindful of each other’s boundaries, unlike the other troupes that came before them. However, it’s BECAUSE they were too mindful of said boundaries that it was difficult for them to break down their walls and bond as a team—and there were a LOT of walls to break down, as all of them had varying degrees of emotional baggage and trauma.

In fact, it’s only three plays in that they finally truly start opening up to each other, with Azuma getting the ball rolling by opening up about the deep loneliness that haunted him ever since his childhood. It’s during this conversation that they also discuss what their relationship as a troupe is, because the other troupes have defined their relationship as a team (Spring is family, Summer is best friends, Autumn is rivals & teammates), and Homare goes on to declare that they’re “people bound by a common destiny” and goes on to spew wedding vows: "In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, we shall share our laughter and our tears as those with an intertwined fate... How beautiful we are!" I mean… it can’t get any more obvious than this, really. They are married.

But anyway, Tsumugi says he wants their relationship to be one where while they respect each other’s need for space, they’ll also be there for each other and share their pains and burdens—or in his words: “supporting each other when our burdens become too heavy to bear on our own”—which I think is really sweet because it carries this idea of quiet, unconditional acceptance; they don’t push each other to share more than they’re comfortable with sharing, but with whatever they ARE comfortable with sharing everyone carries the load and pain because pain is easier to bear when you’re not bearing it alone <3

A later part of the story focuses on Hisoka, a mysterious amnesiac, being terrified of regaining his memories and facing some “sin” from his past that has led to another character, Chikage, trying to take revenge on him. When he confesses this to the rest of the Winter troupe, Homare asks, “How heavy is this sin you bear?” and Azuma suggests, “Perhaps it’s just heavy enough for the five of us to carry together.” (at this point Guy hasn’t joined yet). The stage play adapts this scene into a song called Key to Memory. The key (pun unintended) part is 1:27 where there’s a back-and-forth between Hisoka and the other Winter troupe members (sans Tasuku because he wasn’t in that particular play)

Hisoka: “I’m scared…”

Tsumugi, Homare, Azuma: “It’s okay.”

Hisoka: “My unforgivable sin…”

Tsumugi, Homare, Azuma: “Let’s carry it together.”

Hisoka: “I might not be me anymore.”

Tsumugi, Homare, Azuma: “It’s all right. We understand and we accept you, so let’s go together.”

And it ends with Hisoka singing: “I was afraid to open the door of my locked memories. But if everyone is here, I believe I can do it.” In both the game and stage play, Hisoka fully regains his memories and reconciles with Chikage (long story). He tells Fuyupoly he can’t go into detail about his past with Chikage because it’s dangerous but he’ll tell them when the time is right, and they accept this saying that no matter what his past is, they know and love him as their Hisoka which obviously is a very sweet thing for friends to say, but it’s also very Marriage-coded to me.

Later, Guy is introduced as an android from Zahra (a fictional South Asian country) and joins the Winter troupe as a temporary member—because he’s stuck in Japan for the foreseeable future—until they find a permanent member to replace him. The other Winter members have a conversation among themselves and agree that regardless of whether he’s really an android or a human they’ll accept Guy for who he is and help him improve his acting, which again harkens back to the idea of ‘unconditional acceptance’. Eventually it’s revealed that Guy is in fact a human who has forgotten his memories of the past and his emotions. He recovers his memories all at once which shocks his system and causes him to pass out. When he wakes up in his room, he finds the rest of the Winter Troupe asleep around the room—which I believe is symbolic of their whole theme of “quiet acceptance”: they don’t want to push Guy to share beyond what he’s comfortable with, but they’re always there to listen to him and share his load if that’s what he wants. He opens up about the memories he recovered, and they don’t treat him with pity like he’s a lost child, but still extend gentle empathy and understanding. They also emphasise that it genuinely doesn’t matter to them whether he’s human or android because he’s Guy first and foremost. It’s at this point that Guy truly lets himself become part of the Winter troupe/Fuyupoly and not just as a temporary stand-in member, because he’s found a place where he’s found himself again and people who will accept who this “himself” is, whether that be an android devoid of emotions or a human brimming with vivid beautiful emotions.

[Mod note: There’s a LOT more but we’re afraid of crashing the post. I (Deli) summarised it the best I can since I’m familiar with A3, but if you want to read the full thing you can check it out on this google doc)

#friends to lovers tournament #project sekai #a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#polyneed #fuyupoly #ichika hoshino #saki tenma #honami mochizuki #shiho hinomori #tsumugi tsukioka #tasuku takato #hisoka mikage #homare arisugawa #azuma yukishiro #guy nishiki #tournament polls #polls #a total of 10 character tags bc of these two POLYS

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fayesdiary · 3 months

Note

hmm hmmmmmm.......Rhea, Veyle, and Faye for the character ask game!

Rhea

1) how much I like their personality

WTEGDGFSFDYDGFFG

I adore her. She's my fav 3H character by far. Just this mix of sweet and awkward and kind but with a boatload of trauma and repressed rage... She's the bestest <3

2) how much I like their design/aesthetics

Her archbishop outfit is great (although what is up with those hips. She barely has enough space to fit her organs), and general design is super pretty!

Also her Seiros outfit is 😳

3) how interesting I think they are

GOD. I feel like I could talk about her for hours if you caught me in the right mood. I want to inspect her with a microscope.

4) how well-written I think they are

As a character? Wonderfully, but her treatment in the story leaves a LOT to be desiered, often shoved to the background and generally getting treated like crap by the narrative for an alleged main character.

Also fuck everything about the SS endgame.

5) (if applicable) how much I like their mechanics in-game

her CF fight is pain and her SS one is pure agony

6) if I think they are a Good Person(tm)

For the most part, yes! It's clear all her actions were done with good intent (albeit a bunch of them were questionable but still, never cruel), and I think it's important to note that her vicious side only comes in regards to the man who literally committed genocide towards her kin or when she's being violently having her trauma of said man triggered.

Hell, her burning of Firdhiad is pretty much her lowest point and even then it only comes after she's being violently triggered and blamed for everything over and over. She's pretty much gone insane by that point and for damn good reason. Also you know, it's all your fault.

Veyle

1) how much I like their personality

BABY. She's the cutest but also constantly wracked with guilt and shame about being a Fell Dragon.

2) how much I like their design/aesthetics

I love her Somniel outfit and her evil outfit absolutely slays, but while I really like her main outfit since it's fluffy I hate her collar and ankle chains.

3) how interesting I think they are

A whole lot! Her relationship with Alear is the best, in typical younger FE sister fashion she's a lot stronger than she seems (they literally had to brainwash her into compliancy and even then it didn't work all that well), her guilt over her evil self's action (on top of just being a Fell Dragon period). Also she has a knack for making (magical?) trinkets and she lived on her own wandering around Elyos for quite a while, so :D

4) how well-written I think they are

The brainwashing/evil personality part is a bit iffy as always in FE plots, but other than that? She's great!

Something that keeps suprising me about FE writing is that while they're not... the best at writing female characters somehow they keep hitting the spot with writing younger sisters.

5) (if applicable) how much I like their mechanics in-game

She's a lot of fun! Her personal tome and dagger are great and her personal skills are quite useful :D

6) if I think they are a Good Person(tm)

Definitely! She's an absolute sweetheart, but at the same time I love the hc that her evil self is actually a part of her albeit exaggerated and twisted by Zephia and not just a personality that came out of nowhere. Doesn't help I'm playing Persona 4 right now.

Faye

..fun fact, do you know she actually got on Top 200 of CYL8? I'm genuinely shocked.

1) how much I like their personality

I really like it, mainly in the sense her obsession is portrayed negatively for once. I've seen a bunch of fans trying to "fix" her by toning down and/or removing her obsession with Alm, but I always loved more the angle of keeping it while pointing out how toxic and self-destructive it is and having her slowly grow out of it.

2) how much I like their design/aesthetics

Peak. Perfection. Immaculate. Well except maybe the lack of freckles, but that's why I draw her with them ;)

3) how interesting I think they are

It may be mainly due to projecting and overanalizing, but god. Soo much. Her trauma and horrible coping mechanisms, her huge trouble making friends and socializing with strangers, her fondness for Celica, her clinginess and yearning for both a place to belong and to return to the good old days at Ram...

Also she's a bisaster. It's totally canon trust me

4) how well-written I think they are

Hahaha... oh, terribly.

I'm not gonna pretend the writers ever saw her as anything more "the girl with an unhealthy unrequited obsession towards the protagonist we're apparently contractually obligated to put in almost every game". Like, I'm pretty sure all of her small nuances you can find if you start digging were an accident, and considering how she gets flanderized outside of Echoes, I'm almost certain that's the case.

(speaking of, the sole fact they managed to flanderize her holy shit)

5) (if applicable) how much I like their mechanics in-game

GOD I LOVE THEM. All of the effort they didn't put into writing her they put into her gameplay mechanics because they portray her SO WELL.

The fact she loses avoid when supporting Alm, her higher then average growths hinting at the fact she's trying desperately hard, her unique spells as a Cleric being either a way to ignore distance (Physic to heal from afar, Rescue to get someone literally close to her) and Anew, the only form of a Dancer you get in Echoes, costing so much HP portraying her self-destructive behavior in an attempt to be useful.

Just... screams

6) if I think they are a Good Person(tm)

Yeah... I'd be lying if I said yes.

She's a lot better than people claim she is, but still, between the obsession towards Alm and general (albeit potentially accidental) rudeness towards strangers and... less-than-stable state of mind, she's far from the greatest person to be around.

Still, she can be pretty sweet when she wants to, she apologized to Silque and actually accepted Alm's rejection which oh my god why do people keep claiming she's a yandere when she's actually capable of hearing no as an answer, and also she's unflinchingly loyal to her loved ones!

#ask replies #loregoddess #fire emblem #fe16 spoilers #fe17 spoilers #rhea #veyle #faye #my rambles #answering this ask after what feels like forever yay!

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jojoturnip · 2 months

Text

A response to a mother at war, the poem of a friend:

You think of things so cosmically, don't you? I'm not surprised. I've seen your poetry of angels and your notebooks brimming over with theories of the world to compile into your games and campaigns.

There is no problem with that. Maybe that's a part of why I'm drawn to you and others who do the same. I like deep thinkers. I'd like to consider myself one.

There's nothing wrong with having your head in the clouds but don't forget you stand on earth.

I've been asked to hold a science writing workshop for another university's students who want to put science on the ballot (go them!!), so I've been thinking of some of my best writing advice. One piece I think of constantly when I write I found a long time ago scrolling through Pinterest:

"Don't write about the Holocaust. Write about the pair of children's shoes left behind in the street as they were taken away."

That one resonates with me a lot. Maybe it's the Jewish fear. I think it's more than that, though.

I, too, have been torn apart and eaten by the cosmos. I was punctured by the points of stars that promised to light the way. I have known and loved the darkness of man, the darkness of voids. I saw the big picture before I knew what it was.

It isn't pretty. Stepping back and looking at the timeline of my life, it isn't pretty.

Come look closer with me, though. Do you see that smudge? That's where my sister and I used to spray men's shaving cream at each other in the backyard when it was too hot to play like normal in the desert. Oh wait, no, look at this one, it's me hanging up my first houseplant, a rabbit footed fern. Does this one of me playing Minecraft with my cousin even look like me anymore?

No, no, this one you should see. You'll remember it. I had invited my sister, my roommates, my creative writing friends, and you all to the award ceremony for my literary award. You came with me, no one else did. Did you see how close to crying I am? Not from sadness even, just joy that you were there and supported me even though you didn't understand and it wasn't your thing. You were just there.

Don't think me stupid for finding that joy, my friend. The connections of the universe may be hard to conceptualize, but the constellations look nice. Did you hear we're supposed to be able to see the Aurora tonight?

Stepping back, I see all the pain and suffering that you do. And it's true that it overpowers the rest. But isn't it lonely up there? Only seeing the big picture and none of the details that make it worth painting?

I'm no artist. Or ethics professor. I'm not the one to tell you what's right and what isn't.

I study life. Both in botany and in writing. And I'm convinced, even after all the ugly I have pulled my rubber boots up from to stay afloat, that life is beautiful.

My bus driver always waves to other bus drivers we pass. But, when we come across a bus on the same route going the opposite direction, I see the flash of toothy smiles and special waves and salutes, like secret best-friend handshakes. My coworker dug a digital camera out of someone else's trash so I could use it to take pictures of my niece. The girl I complimented in the coffee shop today on her leather jacket beamed and told me how she was pretending it was warmer than it really was.

One of my favorite quotes comes from a source almost as odd as Pinterest, Norman Borlaug's biography. He's the father of the green revolution, and credited with saving more lives than any other person. I read it as a Borlaug Scholar in high school, and it was mostly dry. But he talked about his grandfather a bit, who said,

"Don't look for God in the sky. Look for him in the ground. That's where things grow."

Some of the tulips in the horticulture garden are planted above a hot water pipe, and the soil is warm enough for them to bloom early. They always come up short and have purple anthocyanin stress marks on their leaves, but people stop by to see the early flowers anyway.

I understand where you are, up in the universe, seemingly above it all but feeling swallowed by the vacuum. There's a beauty in that, too, in having a mind that can untangle dark matter. So I'm not here to change you.

But I also know your feet are as gravity-striken as mine. Welcome to Earth, my friend, come dig in the dirt with me. We can find earthworms and seeds and a thousand lives too small for us to see. It does not take away from the big picture, or the acknowledgement of your pain to pay them notice.

I brought you an extra trowel, but I cannot help you find god or hope or love or whatever it is people dig for. You have to want it. Then you have to dig for it.

I'm just digging next to you.

#clinging to nothing but what gravity forces me to #and to my emotional support water bottles #my writing

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shihalyfie · 2 years

Note

lots of talk about ken recently and i'm wondering your take/general analysis of his whole 'the digital world is just a game' shtick compared compared to yuu's. i've seen a couple comparisons here and there but i'm sure they're different when you go deeper in?

I think there are similarities, and since there are times Xros Wars seems to be deliberately keeping older series in mind, I've sometimes wondered if the reference is intentional (the target audience for Xros Wars would be far too young to have ever seen 02, so it wouldn't be a bad thing to bring this kind of plotline to a new audience), but as you said, there are some key differences.

The main points in common are that both are said to have originally been kind and gentle kids, and that both of them went to the Digital World hoping to have some escapism where they could destroy anything without consequences. There's also the fact that both of them fled into the Digital World in response to grief about "death" in some way, and are snapped out of it when their partners die due to their own mistakes. But the biggest key difference is that for Ken, the idea the Digital World is just a "game" is an excuse, whereas for Yuu it's the premise.

Ken's flashback in 02 episode 23 showed that when he first went to the Digital World and met Wormmon, he either didn't believe or didn't care if it was a game, and treated Wormmon accordingly; on the flip side, there's the infamous puppy-kicking scene from 02 episode 3 where he undoubtedly harms what is a living thing. Everything he was doing was for self-gratification and to make himself feel better based on his own inferiority complex; he was chasing the image of Osamu glaring coldly at him (from the 02 episode 23 flashback) thinking that Osamu at his worst represented his ideal of "perfect" and "strong". So you basically have the side of Ken that wants to lash out and throw a tantrum and destroy everything to be "strong" versus the side of Ken who wants to be kind and treat everything well, and the excuse "the Digital World is just a game I can tailor to my tastes" was the flimsy excuse he gave himself to keep his own better nature at bay and justify why his increasing cruelty and coldness should be okay -- it’s fine as long as he keeps it to the game, right? But it was a flimsy excuse to begin with, and, faced with incontrovertible evidence in 02 episode 21, his better nature won out.

Yuu, on the other hand, was much more consciously aware of himself and where he stood from the get-go; in fact, the circumstances around what happened to him happened because he was arguably too self-conscious about this. He even refused to join in play fighting because he hated the idea of hurting others so much (Xros Wars episode 37), and in Xros Wars episode 47 we learn that Yuu had been holding back on everything so much that the pent-up frustration had brought all of the worst out of him. In this case, Yuu was directly fed a lie about the Digital World being a "game", and moreover, not only did he not have an inferiority complex, he was so confident in his own talents and abilities that he’d been overly self-conscious about the idea of constantly beating others (meaning that he could worry less about that risk if he were in a “game”). And he really, truly did think he was in a wonderful place where he didn't have to worry about the concept of pain or death until Taiki wounded him in episode 47; it’s only after that when Yuu started going into denial, but in this case it was because he'd now gone so far deep in that the retroactive understanding of everything he'd actually been doing would be too much for him to bear.

So the base outline is similar, but in some aspects they come from almost opposite directions; Wormmon sensed in 02 episode 3 that Ken didn't actually seem to be that much happier as the Kaiser, and the first half of 02 involved Ken himself getting progressively more and more miserable as his attempts to be "strong" did absolutely nothing to fill the void. Ken was already well on his way to realizing this wasn't working out for him; it's just that the realization that Digimon were alive was the last straw (and that the other kids and Wormmon were able to intervene before he really did end up going beyond a mental point of no return). On the flip side, Yuu's crusade in the Digital World had him venting out everything he'd had pent-up to the point he really did enjoy being as sadistic as he wanted, and he probably would have continued doing so without issue had it not been for the fact the initial premise he was fed by DarkKnightmon turned out to be false.

Now that you do bring it up, though, this makes me think about this line from 02 episode 23:

But kindness alone isn't enough. You have to become stronger, or…Or you'll be overwhelmed by your own kindness.

In 02′s context with Ken, this ends up referring to the fact that Ken ended up becoming emotionally vulnerable enough to be manipulated by others and exert all of his emotions in the wrong directions, but interestingly enough, Yuu’s take on this concept seems like a more literal version of this -- his own “kindness” in constantly holding back and being afraid to hurt others caused the resentment to build up in him so much that he succumbed to sadism in order to vent it all out. His own kindness really did overwhelm him.

#badmistmountain #shiha's ask box #digimon multi series talk

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sloomishh · 9 months

Text

Nightmares

TRIGGER WARNING!! (sexism, R@p3, Self H4rm ect.)

I wake up every day to the nightmares of my existence

Sweating and racing with the remembrance of the persistence

The persistence of the boy in my fourth grade class who would grab me.

This soon to be man suddenly using my body like everyone would agree.

They did, turning it upon me, I was the issue, all because I wore a skirt.

"She wanted it" he said, calling me a pervert

That’s what I was called, I was 8,

When can this world stop all the hate?

The innocence of my little 8-year-old self

But yet I'm being told "he just couldn’t help himself"

He would grab me and my friends weekly, monthly

No one would hear our cries while we were being told to shut up bluntly.

We can't exist in this world without men overpowering us.

I just want to live in a place where I'm able to discuss

Discuss issues yet I'm told "you wouldn’t know, you're just a girl"

These discussions of sorts would send my head into a whirl.

"Speak clearly" "shut up"

"You’re simply just making this shit up."

“That never happened” they would all say

Yet everyone believed his display.

Every night I'm being assaulted by people I thought were my friends

Harassed by people, I just want it to end.

Yet everything happens and I awake in a fright

Why did I have to go out on that night.

The blood from my body leaking out my wrists

As the razor in my hand moving smoothly as I clench my fist.

His hands still linger around my body.

As tears ran down my cheeks as the pain washed over me softly

The remembrance of everything that has happened

The fear of going outside constantly maddened

I just want this madness all to end

When will this torcher condemn?

only my scars that remain

not covering them, all hell will rain.

Called things that aren’t even true

When all I wanted to feel was brand new.

I was 4 and I couldn’t wear a crop top

Because my mother told me a man wouldn’t be able to stop.

I was a child, and he could still get his way

How is any of this actually okay?

It was May 16th when the scars went away

I finally thought I could get away

Yet I couldn’t stop myself the next night

There wasn’t a break of this harassment anywhere in sight

This world cannot be changed

Unless everyone around us feels the same.

I want to live freely.

Without constantly being weary.

Living with the constant thought

That women's bodies can be bought

I just want to live with my male counterparts

Living equally, yet it seems that we are too far apart

Only body parts that are changing us

Same brains, same bones, same guts

Yet everything is different in this society

Living with the agony and constant anxiety

Playing games to release the stress from the day

Thinking I will be treated the same way

Instead I’m being told to "go back to the kitchen"

This,

This is how it is being women.

#poem #sexism #poetry #selfharm #sexualassault

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bibblex1 · 11 months

Text

#1 Introduction

-------------------------------

Hi my name is a Bibble, I am a femme enby 17 year old who lives in Australia but was born in New Zealand. My life overall isn't that interesting but I'd consider it relatable and very random which in some cases I think it's the simplest things in life that people should take notice of. I mean why does everyone have to blog about there fun and exhilarating vacations or there passionate fitness life? not saying that's every blog but it's those that seem to get very popular. I'm not what you'd consider super exciting but I do have a few things in my life going on such as recently I got a tongue piercing. It's been 5 days since I initially got it and overall it's not too painful I barely notice it really besides the fact I now have a horrible lisps. I do hate that, it's almost impossible to say anything without slurring on my words when I'm geeking out which truly sucks but this is only temporary. I could've had an infection by now or chipped my teeth horribly so I guess it's not the end of the world.

Anyways, l happen to make a few dumb decisions and have alot of thoughts and rambles like currently I haven't been going to school. I'm in my last senior year or Grade 12 and it's been hell. It really makes me consider whether I want to go on and do college at all. I mean I'm actually quiet smart but it's my inability to focus and actually get shit done that holds me back. Of course that's the case for most teenagers, it's not like I'm an outlier or anything and yet it's these next six months that will apparently decide my future. I don't like to let that get to me, schools not the most important thing. it's truly not the end of the world if I fail or even if I pass and do amazingly well, does it really matter? I say this and have to wonder if that's exactly what someone who is doing not so great would say and if I'm perhaps lying too myself but again I simply just don't care enough to give it any deeper thought. Highschool will come through and be over its not forever. I guess that's why I look towards the future opportunities and how my life will play out and how the decisions Ive made have led me to this point.

As I continue to ramble I remember back to what made me begin blogging in the first place. 'Solitaire' by Alice Oseman, finding out Tori Springs blogs made me feel some what comforted. I have always been partial to keeping a diary but I was never consistent enough to stay on track with it. I thought that a blog is essentially like a diary right? Maybe and maybe not but either way I like typing out my little word vomits for people to read about and put there own opinions on and even if this blog doesn't get that popular that's okay. Having a healthy outlet to clear your mind is always super important and as you could guess I'm not using a template or anything to format these blogs. Now to get a deeper look into who I am as a person. I enjoy music, art, video games and reading. I used to be super into anime and fandoms but I guess maturing has changed me. I'll never forget those points of my life but I'm alot happier now, but that's only due to the fact I've moved onto new obsessions. Lately I've been super into the game Monster Hunter World. Ive always been into the Monster Hunter franchise, ever since I had a 3DS Ive played the games. the release of MHW was mind blowing to me. Id never seen a Monster Hunter game so extravagant and lush with the amazing visuals and storyline. this was the first ever story game that got me truly invested and I remember spending hours and hours constantly playing and grinding. I'm not going to say it's an indie game or anything but it's not very active anymore, many people who play it are either extreme try hards or beginners speeding running with the defender set. No matter how you play though, the game will always be interesting, something about the way it fully immerses me is just so captivating. I find myself returning back to it at least every once and a month and it's times like those that make me happy. So much so I started to fall off the face of the earth for alittle bit, and yet I love it. I love those little moments in life where you truly have to do nothing. Maybe that's a bad mindset to have but I'm only human.

-------------------------------

#blog #blogginglife #life blogging #blogging #music #queer community #gaming #pc games #writers #Spotify

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erstwhilesparrow · 1 year

Note

what's double life, sparrow? it almost sounds like a dnd podcast title jsdfgkjh

reyni, i would like to preface this by saying that i'm genuinely delighted and flattered by your consistent efforts to reach out / discuss shared interests, and that i hope my responses reasonably convey how much i like seeing you in my inbox. i appreciate you! :]

that said. i regret to inform you double life is not a dnd podcast; it is a minecraft roleplay series on youtube. double life is the third season of what i think we're calling the life series, where a bunch of creators scheme, collect resources, and fight to the death on a very small map. the goal is to hold on to your limited number of lives longer than everyone else, and the prize is [???]. (the prize is you have fun fucking around with your friends, and a lot of people on the internet get very sad about your roleplay character.) i have seen double life be described by turns as a telenovela, a sitcom, and a minecraft gay marriage simulator. i really really like it, and in particular i'm a huge fan of the way they do soulmates, but i will put that under a cut for reasons of [talking a lot about something that is not really directly answering the question]. i'm (not very) sorry that i keep reblogging fanart that makes silly youtube videos look all edgy and serious :P

hi there, welcome to the space underneath the readmore! the thing about double life is its shiny new conceit, the thing that makes it different from previous seasons of the life series, is (:sparkles:) soulmates! each player is "soulbound" to one other player, and what this means mechanically is that when one of them takes damage, the other person takes that same amount of damage. what this means narratively, on the other hand, has widely varied depending on the creator / soulbound pair.

i've tried describing this set-up to multiple people without mentioning the minecraft component and the thing that particular exercise has thrown into sharp focus is that "person who feels your physical pain (and only your physical pain)" is. not necessarily a very conventional definition of soulmate. and the thing i keep ending up at is that i kind of adore that fact? it gets dressed up in language and behaviour we typically use when dealing with romantic relationships (some characters refer to their soulbound partners as their "crazy exes", others find their partner and immediately start flirting with them, i mean even just the fact that they call this being soulmates) but it is so important to me that the soulbond is fundamentally a game mechanic.

it's completely arbitrary who gets paired with who, and i know that none of the creators went into this game with the goal of picking apart the whole way people often think about romance, but the fact of its randomness combined with the ways the players talk about the bond is so deeply appealing to me for a soulmate story because i think it opens up avenues and / or spaces for discussing aspects of romantic relationships i am personally very interested in exploring?

i've thought for a long time about soulmate stories, because i'm invested in Doing Weird Shit to romance tropes (see: that summer i wrote what is to date my longest published fic about hanahaki But Make It Weirder) and this is sure one of them! i know there are other people -- on tumblr even! -- who are interested in this too, but i've never been totally satisfied with the stories i've seen?

like, obviously, just playing the trope straight throws me off because it constantly feels... too easy? like it shouldn't have worked out that neatly? it typically assumes a certain amount of... natural importance to romance that i don't agree with? but the ones that try to complicate the trope have also never quite clicked for me. the closest i've gotten to being able to say why is... i think they are often "what if soulmates existing sucked for this one specific person because [this person isn't their soulmate's soulmate / this person is in love with someone who isn't their soulmate / this person doesn't seem to have a soulmate at all / this person is aro which comes with its own set of potential complications]?" and there's. it feels like a personal problem? one that that specific person has to [repress / ignore / cope with / solve]? and that, on top of being wildly depressing, just. doesn't ring true or feel interesting to me?

because sometimes [gestures broadly at the whole thing of dating / relationships / falling in love] is good for people! it works out for them, and they genuinely are getting things they need / want out of it even though it's not perfect! i care about stories that can play around with that! i don't care about stories where this works out fairy-tale-happy-ending perfect, but i do care about what it takes to get to this being Good For You, what those types of people might fail to consider when they assess other people's relationships, the very subtle ways things can go wrong in a relationship because parties involved have been told their whole lives that this thing they're doing is Good and Correct and The Only Way, what it looks like to feel that pressure toward a romantic relationships and attempt to conform to those expectations, and so on. there are so many different ways to be hurt here! and that sort of thing just. doesn't fit into either of the models of soulmate stories i've described above?

but double life! double life has So Much of that! it's so delicious! there's such a range in the way that the players approach the bond, and it's so so fun and useful as a springboard for thinking about and illustrating -- in the [greatly exaggerated for funsies but nevertheless reflective of real parts of our society] way of sci-fi / fantasy fiction -- so many of the ways people approach romance, outside of the binary of [Perfect And Good] and [Just The Shittiest Ever]. and, again, i cannot imagine any of the creators set out to On Purpose say any of the stuff i've described here -- it was improv and playing around and friends trying out new stories to tell. but they give themselves over to an arbitrary system for defining their relations to each other, and some struggle to fit themselves to it and others don't, and we as the audience can see just how arbitrary it is but we and they find meaning regardless, and none of them think to say, "hey, what if we just gave up on every single piece of this system entirely?" and in the end it all falls apart anyway, because separate from being a soulmate story it was also a death game and it was never not going to be a tragedy. i care So Much about it. despite this being the season where the rules of the game themselves seemed to intertwine themselves with the concept of love, it was also the season where the power of love failed, where everything unravelled not despite but because of it.

#chattering sparrow #thanks for the ask! good opportunity for me to talk about things i've just been rolling around in my brain for the past uh. six months.#i just. wow. double life smp you own my entire heart.#i do not feel as awkward for talking this much as i otherwise might because i suspect this is at least loosely relevant to #some of your interests reyni

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