sloomishh - Tumblr blog

sloomishh · 10 months

Text

Nightmares

TRIGGER WARNING!! (sexism, R@p3, Self H4rm ect.)

I wake up every day to the nightmares of my existence

Sweating and racing with the remembrance of the persistence

The persistence of the boy in my fourth grade class who would grab me.

This soon to be man suddenly using my body like everyone would agree.

They did, turning it upon me, I was the issue, all because I wore a skirt.

"She wanted it" he said, calling me a pervert

That’s what I was called, I was 8,

When can this world stop all the hate?

The innocence of my little 8-year-old self

But yet I'm being told "he just couldn’t help himself"

He would grab me and my friends weekly, monthly

No one would hear our cries while we were being told to shut up bluntly.

We can't exist in this world without men overpowering us.

I just want to live in a place where I'm able to discuss

Discuss issues yet I'm told "you wouldn’t know, you're just a girl"

These discussions of sorts would send my head into a whirl.

"Speak clearly" "shut up"

"You’re simply just making this shit up."

“That never happened” they would all say

Yet everyone believed his display.

Every night I'm being assaulted by people I thought were my friends

Harassed by people, I just want it to end.

Yet everything happens and I awake in a fright

Why did I have to go out on that night.

The blood from my body leaking out my wrists

As the razor in my hand moving smoothly as I clench my fist.

His hands still linger around my body.

As tears ran down my cheeks as the pain washed over me softly

The remembrance of everything that has happened

The fear of going outside constantly maddened

I just want this madness all to end

When will this torcher condemn?

only my scars that remain

not covering them, all hell will rain.

Called things that aren’t even true

When all I wanted to feel was brand new.

I was 4 and I couldn’t wear a crop top

Because my mother told me a man wouldn’t be able to stop.

I was a child, and he could still get his way

How is any of this actually okay?

It was May 16th when the scars went away

I finally thought I could get away

Yet I couldn’t stop myself the next night

There wasn’t a break of this harassment anywhere in sight

This world cannot be changed

Unless everyone around us feels the same.

I want to live freely.

Without constantly being weary.

Living with the constant thought

That women's bodies can be bought

I just want to live with my male counterparts

Living equally, yet it seems that we are too far apart

Only body parts that are changing us

Same brains, same bones, same guts

Yet everything is different in this society

Living with the agony and constant anxiety

Playing games to release the stress from the day

Thinking I will be treated the same way

Instead I’m being told to "go back to the kitchen"

This,

This is how it is being women.

#poem #sexism #poetry #selfharm #sexualassault

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