TW for skin picking

I think I finally found a way to healthily combat my anxious skin picking problem.

I found these star-shaped, hydrocolloid and salicylic acid medicated acne patches. They look like star stickers, but are actually like, zit bandaids. Everytime I get the urge to pick at my skin compulsively I put a star patch on the acne that’s bothering me and it’s working.

Reuniting // M.C. - chapter two

Word count: 2.5k

Warnings: drug recovery and drug use, pregnancy and abortion mention, 

Not requested but requests are open

A/N: hi guys! I need to say I’m not too happy about how this one turned out. I had the idea in my mind for so long that I feel like it is so hard to put it into words now. I feel like this isn’t as realistic as I want it to be but I’ve been stuck here and I feel like I owe you a chapter. I may edit this one later or maybe not. Also there may be some typos, I’m sorry about that. Please tell me what you think about it, feedback is very appreciated. Enjoy!

Masterlist

You had spent the last 20 minutes pacing around your house. You didn’t remember a time when you had been this nervous since the day Jake was born. As soon as you heard de doorbell you ran to open the door.

“Hi”, Michael said as you opened it.

“Hey, come inside”, you said feeling a little bit awkward and once you had closed the door you took him on a quick tour around your apartment.

“You and Jake have a nice home, it’s big but cozy at the same time, I like it”

“Thanks! Let’s sit on the couch, I guess I owe you an explanation” you sat facing each other and you took a deep breath trying to figure out how to explain everything that had happened since you two broke up.

“I just don’t really know where to start”, you said, feeling overwhelmed by the situation and covering your face with your hands.

“Hey, you’re shaking. Calm down, it’s just me, okay? You don’t owe me anything, just tell me whenever you’re ready” Michael said as he rubbed your back but instead of calming down you started crying. It wasn’t even a loud cry, tears started to leave your eyes because you finally felt like you weren’t alone in this anymore and you were afraid he would leave again after you spoke. 

“It’s fine, y/n, cry it out” he hugged you tight and you stayed in that position for almost 20 minutes until you could speak normally again. It surprised you how familiar his touch felt even after all this time and how it made you feel at home.

“I’m so sorry, I’m sure you have somewhere better to be”, you said as you sat back in the original position and wiped away the tears left in your cheeks.

“Don’t be sorry, this must have been very hard for you. I’m the one who should be sorry. And I canceled everything for today, I really don’t think there’s anything more important than this”

“But you just released an album, aren’t you supposed to be doing interviews and stuff? I don’t want to harm your career in any way”

“Don’t worry about that it’s just one day and besides, I’m in a band, remember? There are three other guys to take care of things. Just relax, don’t think about any of that. This is what’s important now, okay?” you nodded.

“The thing is that it won’t be just a day and being honest I’m so scared you’ll leave after I tell you but if that’s your decision I guess it’s fine, I can do this alone, I always have and I can’t ask you to do anything after almost 3 years” Michael placed his hand on your chin and lift it up softly.

“I’m not leaving, do you hear me? I’m here now. Start from the beginning and just speak, you’ve always been good at explaining things” you took one last deep breath and started speaking.

“Okay. You know I always respected your decision. When you cut me off your life I knew you were doing it because you needed to, it was the healthy thing to do, we weren’t good for each other at that time. And I want you to know that even after everything that’s happened I think you did the right thing so don’t blame yourself. I mean, look at you! You’re more healthy and handsome than you’ve ever been and that’s what you deserve!” Michael blushed at your words and you couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh my god, Michael! There’s no way you still haven’t gotten used to compliments, you’re a superstar!”

“You know I’m shy! That will never change” he said laughing with you.

“Fair enough. Well, so as I said, this is not your fault, I know you tend to feel guilty about a lot of things and I don’t want you to feel bad about this, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll try not to feel bad”

“Perfect. So, as you told me to and as I’m sure you remember since that was the only time you hadn’t been high in more than two weeks, I packed all my stuff and left your house before you came back from that promo trip” he nodded. 

“I went back to live with my parents until I found a new place and then I moved here. I remember it as if it was yesterday. The second night I slept here, when I went to bed I checked my phone as I always do and I had a notification from my period app that said it was late by one week. I thought it probably was because of the stress with the breakup, the move, and everything and so I decided not to think much about it, it wasn’t the first time it had happened.

I kept myself busy with university and I found a job at a bar so I had less free time, I didn’t want to think about us much. It was really hard for me to understand that we were done and I couldn’t call you when I was feeling down or talk to you about things. Also, I had to find new friends and I’m sure all your friends hate me now because I left without an explanation but it was the best thing for you to not have me around anymore so I knew I had to do it”

“I really am sorry about that. I shouldn’t have asked you to distance yourself from them, they were your friends just as much as mine. You must have missed the girls so much, you and Kaykay were practically sisters... that was so selfish”

“Michael, I said it’s okay. I understood why you did it. The thing is that I was trying so hard to focus on other stuff that I was so busy I didn’t realize I never had my period that month. So the next month when the app warned me the next one was supposed to come in two days I literally panicked. I didn’t know who to call because I wasn’t that close to my new friends yet so I just cried myself to sleep on the kitchen floor. The next morning I bought a pregnancy test and, as you probably can guess, it was positive. I can’t put into words everything I felt at that moment. I was terrified because I didn’t wanna go through a pregnancy and raise a child all by myself and also because I hadn’t planned it and you know I always plan everything. I’m not gonna lie, the first few days I seriously considered having an abortion but eventually, I decided I was ready to be a mom and I knew I could financially take care of the baby and give him a great life and you know I always said I wanted kids so I figured it had just come a little earlier than I expected but that it was fine.

Once I had decided I was gonna have the baby I called you, and I knew you weren’t gonna pick up the phone but I said to myself I had to at least try. You obviously didn’t pick up so I called my mother instead and she was the most supportive person ever since the first moment she knew. So that’s how things went I guess” 

“Why didn’t you come to see me? You knew I had deleted your number but you could have told me in person”

“Michael you literally told me, and I quote “I don’t want you around anymore, I’m hurting you and that’s the last thing I want to do. I would never forgive myself if things escaleted more than they did last night and I don’t trust myself anymore. I’m gonna get help, I promise. And if I ever feel strong enough I’ll find you and we can try this again. I’m begging you to let me go and don’t ever contact me again. Please forgive me, I love you” and left the house. That was the last time I ever talked to you”

“No, I know that, but I never thought about the possibility that you were pregnant!”

“Me neither, but I was. And all I did was respect your decision”

“You could have come to me, you know I would have taken care of you and the baby”

“I know you would have, and that’s why I didn’t tell you. You needed to focus on yourself so you could be a great dad, and that’s what I told myself”

“But you took away my choice, you decided for me!” Michael said standing up and raising his voice.

“Are you yelling at me right now? You can’t be serious” You stood up too and started yelling back at him too with tears filling your eyes.

“You have no idea how hard it is for me to know that Jake could have had a father but I chose for him not to. I always thought you’d show up someday, you know? Throughout the whole pregnancy and even his first year, every time I got a call from a random number or a knock on the door I expected to find you on the other side. Because YOU told me I needed to give you time to heal and you’d come looking for me when you were ready. So I decided based on your own words that Jake could wait a year for his father if that meant you’d be better for him, for me, and for yourself. But you never showed up. So you don’t get to tell me I’ve taken your choice because this was all your decision”

“I just”

“No, you just what? You have no idea how painful it was to accept you weren’t coming back. And it was even harder because I saw you on the news, I heard you on the radio and every time it felt like I was the bad one for keeping Jake a secret but I had to remind myself that it was you who asked me to literally never contact you again”

“You’re right, you’re right, I’m sorry. I guess I’m still processing everything and it just hurts to know that I haven’t seen him grow up and I’ve lost the first years of his life because of the stupid addiction”

“Believe me. I get that. And I am sorry about it but what was I supposed to do? You had finally decided to get help and I couldn’t be the one to ruin that”

“You did the right thing, I’m sorry. I couldn’t thank you enough for everything you’ve always done for me. I’ve thought about reaching out to you a million times but I thought you probably hated me after everything I put you through, especially that last night. God, you should hate me! I convinced myself you had probably moved on and you deserved someone who would treat you better so I tried to forget about you” Michael confessed in a more quiet tone and sitting back on the couch.

“I don’t hate you Michael, I want you to know I forgive you. You weren’t yourself, those were the drugs talking and I know you would have never done any of that sober”

“But still, it never should have happened. Earlier, when you let me hug you, I felt so relieved because I didn’t know if you’d be comfortable with me touching you ever again. I am so deeply sorry” his voice cracked and this time it was you hugging him and rubbing his back.

“We’re past that now, okay?” you said once he had calmed down.

“Does he know who I am?” Michael asked.

“What?”

“Jake. What does he know about his father?”

“Oh, at first I didn’t talk to him about you because I didn’t know what to say but my mother convinced me it was important for him to know from a young age just so he wouldn’t be confused. So I told him you were a musician and that you were on a really long trip but you would eventually come back. My parents have always helped me a lot with him so he has never been lonely and he didn’t ask about you until recently. But the past few months he has been saying he wanted you to come back”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I think it is because he’s noticed how in kindergarten most kids have two parents and he has just one around” 

“Do you want me to be around, y/n? I mean, I imagine this can be a lot of change, going from single parent to us being two but I want to be there for him. I want to take care of him but I feel like this should be a decision we have to make together, I can’t just come into your lives without permission after being gone for so long. So I’m asking you if I can, please, be in your life again” you stared into Michael’s eyes and you knew he was being sincere, you could tell he really wanted this and how serious he was about it.

“Yes, of course. I’d love for you to be Jake’s dad and I’m sure he’ll like you”

“Thank you so much. I promise I will never let you down again. However, I need to say I don’t know how to be a parent. I’ve always been good with kids but they weren’t mine so I don’t know”

“Don’t worry about that, just be you and it will come as an instinct. You know it will take most of your time, right? I mean, this is not like taking Rose for a walk or something, you need to be here for him all the time. If you come into his life you need to promise me you will stay, okay?”

“I promise, I want us to be a family. Do you really think he’ll like me?” Michael asked with a hopeful tone on his voice.

“I’m so sure he will, you two have a lot of things in common”

“Oh, we do?”

“Yep, he loves videogames, just like his father”

“Really?” Michael said getting more and more excited about all of this making you giggle.

“Yeah and he also loves your music”

“He’s listened to our music?”

“Of course! I didn’t say I liked your music because you were my boyfriend, I really love it so I listen to it and also I wanted him to have you a little bit closer”

“That’s so sweet of you, you’re amazing” you smiled at his words.

“Do you know what else you have in common? You’re middle name”

“You did not!”

“Oh yes, I did. I hadn’t even thought about it until I was registering the name but I guess it was the hormones or something and I thought since he didn’t have your last name he should have your middle name”

“Jake Gordon, oh my god poor boy!”

“I know!” you said and you both started laughing.

“So, is it okay if I stay for lunch and I spend the afternoon getting to know him?” Michael asked after a few minutes.

“I think it would be better if I talked to him first. As you saw yesterday, he’s a shy kid and I believe it will be easier for him if I prepare him. You may have to be patient, it takes him a while to be comfortable around new people”

“Oh, that’s okay, I get it, I was a shy kid too” Michael said but you noticed a sad tone on his voice, you could tell he was disappointed he had to wait one more day to spend time with Jake.

You and Michael spent the rest of the morning talking about how your lives had changed these past few years and you showed him pictures and videos of Jake. When it was time he left and you agreed he would come again the next afternoon. You didn’t want to get your hopes up because you had been waiting for this moment so much time it didn’t even feel real but you were too excited about Michael being around you couldn’t help it and you started imagining how things would be from now on. 

How to have a baby during COVID-19 pt 2-The roller coaster of pregnancy

And so it began. The roller coaster of pregnancy.  The first & only pregnancy I’ve experienced. In the middle of a pandemic.  While barely sober enough to be done detox.  What a combo.  But I was determined to break the stereotype. I would not endanger my unborn child, I would not resort to my selfish & reckless ways.  I would do something different.  And then reality hit, and I felt the whole emotional rainbow at once, and then felt guilty for some of the ways I felt, shameful, like I didn’t deserve to have a child with the thoughts I was having.  In case you’re not familiar with addiction & recovery, there is no cure.  I know it’s a controversial subject(my favorite kind) but in my experiences it is NOT a choice, it is NOT curable, and the biggest argument starter it seems, I was born this way.  Example, when I was younger & I discovered skinny jeans, I bought every different color of the same pair....when I found a song or a band I liked, that’s all I listened too until my mom finally had enough.  You get the idea.  Anyway, so that being said, some of the thoughts that swirled around my head in the early stages of the pregnancy included  “just do one” “noone would know” “the baby will be fine just once” “I wont be a good mom anyway so why not just do what everyone expects”  I am proud to say, that I did not use during my pregnancy, and still haven’t to this day but I do not judge women that do, it’s heartbreaking how sad but real that struggle is.  And I was so embarrassed to share those thoughts, because I felt like I shouldn’t be having them.  More about that later...

Okay, so now I’m pregnant, my fiance & I live in a recovery house, we were both just laid off of work, and I mean within 1.5 months of finding out, we were both jobless, and I was absolutely petrified.  This may be TMI, but I have always been afraid of the dentist & the OBGYN, so getting poked, prodded, and having a human being come out of there mortified me.  So, I did what anyone in this society does-google.  I downloaded every single pregnancy app, I googled every single movement, feeling, question & thought I could think of.  I was determined to be good to this baby, to undo all the wrong I had done through my life.  My fiance turned into the baby whisperer, talking to my stomach before this baby was even the size of a kidney bean.  It was beautiful.  Thank GOD for the PUA money, because without that we probably would’ve had this baby in a recovery house....just kidding, but seriously we would’ve been living with family & not able to bond as a little unit.  While I was out of work though, I tried to use the time to read, learn & eat as much as possible.  The first 4 months all the baby wanted was nachos, until one long awful night filled with vomit, diarrhea & lots of tears, I didn’t go near Mexican again.  After that, it was hot wings.  I started eating mayo on sandwiches (which I HATED), ate eggs every morning(also wasn’t a big fan), whatever that baby wanted to eat he got, my fiance made sure of it. And I can’t forget the famous pregnancy pillows.  A true must have.  My fiance’s dad got me a C shaped pillow & my fiance became as obsessed with it as I was.  I would fold this thing up in it’s little portable bag & drag it back & forth between my house & my fiance’s just to get some comfort...& so my fiance could get a little snuggle with it here & there. So as soon as I started getting used to being pregnant, and started to embrace all the changes, I became a house manager for 10 women, which means a glorified babysitter- giving drug tests, monitoring chores, enforcing rules, which would be fine if people want to get sober, but this particular group wasn’t there.  So it was very difficult, and honestly, I didn’t give as much attention & effort as I should have, but I was determined to try and help as much as I could, while juggling all of my own things.  Needless to say, around 7 months pregnant I had to step down.  The drama, the running back & forth between spending time with my fiance & having to deal with house shit became too much.  All I wanted to do was be with the father of my child & experience every little thing with him.  

Okay, so I know I’m jumping around, and for that I apologize, pregnancy brain is a real thing & 7 months postpartum it’s still alive and well.  So, I finally got the courage to tell my mom about the baby.  She was the last one I told, and the one I was most afraid to tell.  My mom & I have always been incredibly close, she’s been the most amazing support that I could ask for.  But I knew before telling her what she’d say...”are you crazy” “this is NOT the time to have a baby” “you are being so irresponsible” and it actually ended up going WORSE than I imagined.  We barely spoke for months, and when we did, there was so much tension, so many things unsaid & so many unshared feelings you could literally FEEL it in the air.  It was absolutely terrible.  It was the hardest part about the pregnancy for the most part.  She finally started to come around right before we moved into our apartment, because I think she realized she didn’t want to lose out on her daughter & her life.  I was moving into my first apartment, yes at 27, finally moving into my first apartment, I was getting bigger & more exciting things were happening with the baby, I was finally growing up & starting this beautiful life & I think my mom realized she would miss out if she didn’t put aside her feelings and just be my mom.  I still am so grateful for the moment she came around, because I didn’t really have anyone to talk too, woman wise.  Sure, I could ask the older women at the house, or people I knew, but it’s not the same as MY mom.  I wanted to be able to ask her the gross, embarrassing questions I didn’t even want to acknowledge were happening to me.  “What do I do about the horrible acne I have?”  “What makes this gas go away?”  “Will I poop on the delivery table?!”  “What happens if the baby comes out & I’m not ready to be a mom yet?”  Questions only a mom can answer.  Thank God for moms.  

So as I said earlier, at about 7 months, we finally were able to move into our own apartment, and I was ecstatic.  I could sleep with my fiance AND my pregnancy pillow at the same time.  I could fill my refrigerator with whatever me & my fiance(AKA my fiance & the baby) wanted, and most importantly, we could start getting ready for this baby.  We could give him a HOME. Decorate the different rooms, get the nursery ready, we could settle down, relax & wait for this baby to make his grand appearance.  It was just one less thing to be stressed about, we had somewhere to bring this new little guy too, we could be together & we could pack for the hospital...something I waited until about 8 months 1 week to do....

After we finally settled into our new place, I noticed the famous swelling of the hands & feet, only this was not normal.  And unfortunately, the hospital that I was going too for prenatal care was ALWAYS slammed, it was during COVID so the doctors wanted to be in & out, it was someone different every time & I felt like nothing I said was heard or more importantly, taken seriously.  So when I started complaining about the swelling, without even looking at it, it was dismissed as normal swelling, and I was told I was fine.  I was starting to go for weekly stress tests as well after my appointments and THERE was when the preeclampsia was discovered.  Not at my OB appointment, where they’re supposed to be physically checking me and making sure I’m okay.  Where I complained of swelling, headaches, fatigue, which are all red flags.  Anyway, at 8 months 2 weeks, I went for an OB & stress test appointment.  As usual the OB said everything looked great, HA.  I went down for my stress test, found out my BP was 145/90, after taking it 4 times it was determined I had preeclampsia & would be admitted immediately for delivery.  It was hands down the most terrifying thing in my life(at that moment, because it got much scarier in the next few days)  Because of COVID, my fiance wasn’t allowed in the appointments with me, so when I found out I was staying, I called him in a meltdown, while begging the nurses to let him come up. And so began the most traumatic, excruciating, beautiful, breathtaking week of my life...the induction of Oliver. (yeah, you read that correctly, a WEEK)

Hi! I have atypical autism and I’m having trouble at work. I feel like no work place is working out for me because of my diagnosis. I’m uncomfortable around my colleagues, I’m quiet, I don’t know when to speak or what to say etc. I’m sad, mad and frustrated that this ruins every work place for me and I don’t know what job would fit me. I’ve never told my bosses that I have atypical autism and I don’t want to do it either. I want advice on what I should do

this is a great question!  I didn’t know what atypical autism was, but I googled it and it sounds like  they came up with this because they can’t call it asperger’s anymore? “a subthreshold diagnosis, presenting with some symptoms of autism but insufficient to meet criteria for a diagnosis of childhood autism (or autistic disorder). Alternatively, atypical autism can be diagnosed when there is a late onset of symptomatology.” Aka DDNOS, apparently.  From my perspective, it doesn’t sound different from any other autistic experience. FWIW. I think they tend to base their diagnostic labels more on how we seem from the outside than what our experiences really are. just my onion It sounds like you’re struggling with social anxiety, in that special vicious-cycle kind of way where not knowing how to interact with people makes you more anxious, and that makes it harder to interact with them, which makes you more anxious....?  The nice thing about vicious cycles is that you only have to knock out part of the cycle to make the whole thing fall apart. Like: if you didn’t feel anxious about not knowing when to speak or what to say, it would be easier to figure out when to speak or what to say. Which, in turn, would give you less reason to feel anxious about it, et cetera.  Or, if you knew what to say to them and how to hit it off, you would have fewer triggers for your anxiety, which would then make it easier to.... you get the idea.  There are a lot of things that help with social anxiety. I am going to give a shout-out to medication, first of all. There are a lot of life hacks and therapeutic techniques that help a lot. And for yeeeeeaaaars, I didn’t realize that I really had anxiety, and also, thought that I “should” see if I could manage anything myself before “resorting to” meds.  Turns out, medication saves me a TON of spoons, which I was previously using to “manage” depression, anxiety, and ADHD. You would not BELIEVE how much more energy and just general functionality I had when I finally got my meds right. OMFG.  It can be a pain in the ass to find the right medication, especially if it means first having to find a medical practitioner that can help you and then having to explain the situation. Sometimes you find something that helps you right away. Sometimes you have to try different things to find something that works well enough. Sometimes you get the fun of “doesn’t work for me AND has bad side effects for me.” (OTOH, when looking at side effects, always remember that you might not get any of the side effects.)  IMHO, the hardest part of finding the right medication is that a lot of practitioners don’t know how to track whether it’s helping you or not. Or whether it’s helping ENOUGH. Like: I got on anxiety meds that were starting to help, but which were making my ADHD meds not work.  I tried a bunch of other things, and finally got Vyvanse to work for my ADHD. But I managed to FORGET that my anxiety meds weren’t doing anything, for a full year, until things got really bad and I was like “wait a minute... these should be helping????” And I did some research, accidentally found a competent psychiatrist, and found that Cymbalta worked for me... but even then, if I hadn’t found decent tools for assessing if it was enough, I would’ve stopped at like half the dose I actually needed to be on.  This post is gonna be long as it is, so I’m gonna reblog to add different tools you can use to gauge what’s working, and which will help medical professionals understand what you’re experiencing. (Because tbh, they’re often just plain ignorant about this shit.)  You do not necessarily have to go to a psychiatrist to get medication for anxiety, social or otherwise! My partner’s OBGYN prescribed him depression meds. My family doctor was willing to prescribe stuff for depression and anxiety, but only if it was something that didn’t potentially interact with ADHD meds. My chosen brother’s doctor was asking EVERYBODY, after the 2016 election, how they were doing and if they needed depression/anxiety meds. (And they’re in North Carolina!) He had never really thought about it before, and in fact, when he started taking them, his social anxiety got so much better that he was doing shit like going back into the store to tell them they’d given him too much change. He was the one who got me to think about taking them. He had a little kid, and he was like, "I’m doing this for my family.”  Ok, medication aside:  Some kinds of therapy are really good for figuring out how to interact with people. I’ve been learning a lot about different modalities, and I would recommend finding someone who does what’s called “relational therapy” or “relational-cultural therapy.”  Basically, relational therapy is ALL about learning how to interact with people and have better relationships of all kinds. It’s very connected with issues of marginalization: people who are into relational therapy learn about how marginalization, and abuse, affect us and our relationships. Like, how we can internalize a ton of shame, just from being autistic and being devalued by the people around us. Even just from existing in a world that doesn’t value or understand how we communicate, and how we experience things.  And it’s really good for identifying that stuff, healing from the struggles of trying to interact with people, and learning how to relate to people in a way that works for you.  I found an organization that explains it pretty well (”Are you anxious when it comes to social situations like the workplace?... If we are depressed or anxious, inevitably it can be traced back to tension or breakdowns in relationships, or an inability to connect”), has a blog post in the sidebar called “Signs of Aspergers In Adults - Sound Familiar?” and apparently does therapy globally via Skype. I have never used them, I don’t know anything about them, I just googled “relational therapy” “online therapist.” (Shockingly, tho, that blog post not only links to one by an actually autistic person, but is very positive about autistic traits. I’m impressed so far. And I’m sure there are other options out there, too.) Lastly (as far as Things That I Personally Know Work go), I’ve gotten a LOT of recovery around social anxiety, and learned how to build relationships at work, from 12-step programs.  The reason it works for that, as far as I can tell, is:  • It’s a peer-led model, where everyone is equal. (this was huge to me, because I really struggled for a long time with feeling like everyone knew better than I did and had more of a right to talk about anything than I did, and therapy was a tough way to deal with things at that point because I saw the therapist as A Professional who’s In Charge.)  • There’s a lot of emphasis on the fact that the newcomer who just walked into the room has as much of a right to give input in a business meeting, or to volunteer to help out with something that doesn’t require specific experience, or to share what’s going on with them, as anybody else.  • Everybody there has gone through the same stuff as you, and anybody who’s helping you is showing you what worked for them, not what they were taught would work for people. That can be a pretty big difference, especially in terms of being able to relate to them and share personal things with them.  • Working the steps involves a lot of writing about your fears and resentments, and looking at, basically, what has and hasn’t worked for you, and why it hasn’t worked. Really, what you're doing there is seeing where you can reclaim your power. And then you deal with a lot of shame, and get to discover how much you’re like other people, and how much you’re equal to other people, and that you’re a good addition to the world. • You also connect with your intuition, when working the steps, and develop a better sense of what’s intuition and what’s fear/anxiety. That, and sharing in meetings, REALLY helped me get a sense of what to say to people and get comfortable saying things. (A lot of people shorthand what I’m calling “intuition” as “god,” but it’s very much supposed to be a nonreligious idea of “god.” and IME, it’s basically your intuition, whether your belief system says that’s god talking to you, or a psychological thing, or a mystical force, or what.)  Plus, 12-step stuff is free, which I’m very much in favor of lol. And most 12-step orgs have phone meetings and online meetings, so you don’t even have to go in person if that’s a barrier. (and in a phone meeting, they might not even know you’re there!) The tricky part can be figuring out which 12-step groups are good in your area and what might work for you. Because they range from Alcoholics Anonymous to, like... what’s the most obscure one I can think of? ARTS Anonymous, I guess. (it’s for artists who are stuck, it’s not saying art is an addiction)  But if you wanted to try 12-step for this, I would say that Emotions Anonymous is really good for dealing with all sorts of emotional and mental health stuff. (and holy shit, they have an app????) Adult Children of Alcoholic and Dysfunctional Families has, iirc, a good book, (as well as all the meetings and whatnot) and most people probably qualify for that. If you have any experience with sexual assault, abuse, harassment, or being cheated on, COSA is good, and you end up working on all your other relationships and emotional stuff along the way. 

01/25/2020 DAB Transcript

Genesis 50:1-Exodus 2:10, Matthew 16:13-17:9, Psalms 21:1-13, Proverbs 5:1-6

Today is the 25th day of January, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian it's great to be here with you at the end of another one of our weeks. And this is actually the final weekend of the first month of the year. So, well done. And as we end this week there's also another special line that we’re gonna cross. Today, we will conclude the first book of the Bible, the book of Genesis and then begin the book of Exodus. So, well done! And let's get to it. Let’s conclude the book of Genesis and then we'll talk about the book of Exodus as we begin it. But first, Genesis chapter 50, which is the final chapter of the book. And we’ll conclude the story of Joseph.

Introduction to the Book of Genesis:

Okay, so that concludes the book of Genesis and the book of Genesis concludes with the conclusion of the story of Joseph. So, what we have started at the very beginning, right, when we started on January 1st, the first words of the Bible were, “in the beginning.” So, we started at the beginning, we got a glimpse of how things were always intended to be for us. We saw how that got blown apart. We saw separation from God be introduced into the human story and then we watched humans try to use the knowledge of good and evil to essentially glorify themselves so that they could be their own God, which is what the serpent essentially tried to promise them, but we watched that disintegrate and fall apart completely until everyone's heart was evil and the world was flooded, which took us to the story of Noah. As we continued to journey forward, we met a man named Abram whose…his name was changed to Abraham and he entered into a covenant with God. God selected Abram changed his name to Abraham and then said, “I'm starting over with you. I'm going to create a people set apart unto me on this earth among all of the other people who bear my image, but who have rejected me and embraced separation. Through you. I'm going to create a people set apart as mine and through you will be the light to the world and all the nations will be blessed.” So, in other words God’s saying, “we’ve tried a few things but this knowledge of good and evil inside the heart of man is corrupting him utterly. So, I'm going to create a people of my own through Abram, Abraham. So, Abraham didn’t have any kids. We know that. He had a child in his old age, the son of promise named Isaac. And we went through all of that story. Isaac then had sons, Jacob and Esau. We went through that story of conniving and deception by Jacob and it certainly was revisited upon him. He did reap what he sowed but in the end Jacob's name became Israel. Alright. And, so, his children then are the children of Israel of which Joseph was one of them. And Joseph was trafficked into Egypt as we know. But that is how the children of Israel got to Egypt. And, so, we close Genesis at that point. Now we’re about to pick up the second book of the Bible.

And Exodus picks up this very same story, we’re just moving centuries into the future as we pick it up. So, these original children of Israel, the actual children who became tribes of Israel had...had certainly died. We’re centuries into the future, but their offspring had flourished in Egypt. They had become as numerous as the stars in the heavens, which is what God promised Abraham. But this flourishing that was happening was happening in Egypt and we’re centuries in the future and Joseph is forgotten and the Egyptians began to fear the numbers of the Hebrews and to fear their loyalty. So, like I said, Joseph's forgotten and they don't necessarily remember that he had saved them from devastation centuries in the past. So, Israel's children were enslaved. And the new Pharaoh of Egypt wanted to curb and control the explosion of population among the Hebrews. So, his version of population control was to demand that the Hebrew midwives would literally…would throw every boy, every baby boy that was born into the Nile River and the girls could live. And this…this, among other things certainly cause the Hebrew people, the children of Israel, Jacob's children, they cried out to God. And there was a baby and he was a boy and he was supposed to be thrown into the Nile River, but instead he was…he was put into the Nile River in a basket and then his little sister kinda watched from a distance to kinda watch out for him while he's technically in the Nile River. But he's being saved. This little boy's name is Moses and we will be journeying with Moses for quite a while. And as it turns out, this little basket that had this little baby in it was discovered by the daughter of Pharaoh and he was given the name Moses. And, so, he was a Hebrew who had been raised as an Egyptian and we will watch that story unfold as we now begin the second look at the Bible, the book of Exodus.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You, we thank You, we thank You for Your word and we thank You for bringing us these 25 days into this new year all the way to the last weekend of this first month. And we acknowledge, time, it moves by quickly, but as we established this rhythm, it strengthens us, it encourages us, it gives us wisdom for the road ahead. And, so, we thank You for all that You've done in our lives as we’ve journey through the book of Genesis, all that You are doing as we move through the first Gospel of Matthew. And we invite Your Holy Spirit as we release this week into our history and look forward to the next, that we would be aware of Your presence in all things. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

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And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment 877-942-4253 is the number to dial or you can just press the Hotline button, the little red hotline in the app at the top, you can't miss it, and just start sharing from there.

And that is…that’s it for this week friends and that's it for today. I love you I'm Brian and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi Daily Audio Bible listeners my name is Brent. I was encouraged to call by Ben from Ohio. I’m the guy that’s been on the fence from calling in. Anyway, I’ve been listening to the Daily Audio Bible for eight years. I’ve been a Christian since I was a young child and I talk to God all day long every day but I struggle from an addiction to prescription pain medicine that I used to take for my back but I now take for the euphoric feeling that I used to feel before I built up a tolerance. So, I end up taking too many and running out two weeks before my refill is due, and it’s been a vicious cycle and has destroyed my marriage. I’m still married but my wife and I don’t talk very much anymore, and I need deliverance from this stronghold. And I ask that you will pray that God will free me from this bondage. That’s about it. Thank you.

While happy new year family this is Biola calling from Maryland. I actually had to call even though I’m recovering from tooth surgery and my cheek looks as if a chipmunk hid a nut or two in it. Pray for me when you think of me for full recovery. But I had to call in because I heard Kimberly, Yvonne, and Victoria Soldier. I had to call into pray for you. Kimberly I am so sorry for what you’ve gone through. Father Lord I pray for Your daughter. You are the one that comforts oh God Lord and heels. I pray that You will heal Kimberly completely oh God emotionally oh God Lord Father even spiritually. I pray that You will give her a heart oh God even to forgive these people oh God and release them even though I know it’s very difficult. But Lord You said oh God Lord that when we do forgive its freeing. Father God I pray that You will heal her from PTSD in the name of Jesus. Father every part oh God that the devil is using to harass this woman oh God Father I put a stop to it right now and I command it to cease and desist in the name of Jesus set her free Lord. In Jesus name give us her sleep oh God in the name of Jesus. Yvonne…Yvonne my sister I heard Your prayer request regarding Your children. You know it is comforting what happened to the prodigal son. The prodigal son’s dad just kept waiting, waiting proudly praying for him and that is a picture of our Lord. You are not responsible for their choices, but I know as a mother myself I know how You feel. So, keep praying for them. Father Lord I pray that You will draw Yvonne’s children back to You. Arrest their hearts oh God Lord in the name of Jesus. Father let them turn their way even from darkness back into light in the name of Jesus. Lastly Victoria soldier so sorry for Your cousin. I pray that God will comfort You in Your loss in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Good morning Daily Audio Bible community I just wanted to call and pray for Brian this morning. This is Darby in Georgia. And Brian I just…I was thinking about meeting today in Genesis 39 and I think it’s verse 22 or 23 where God just he…he was with Joseph. It’s all about Joseph and being put in prison. And I think with depression and anxiety you can feel as if you’re in a prison, that you’re in a pit. But Joseph lived as if God was with him because he was. And at that right time God brought him out of the pit and raised him up so that he could not only be free of that but also be a blessing to many others. And I just pray today that God would give you hope, that God would fill you with a sense of his nearness even though you said you feel like He’s far from you, He is not. And I know I’m not the only one that’s been provoked by just your hopelessness today. I just pray that God would just give you a sense through His Holy Spirit that He is near to you, He is not far. And God, fill him with hope, fill Brian with hope and let him choose to live this day as if You were with him. Give him direction, give him wisdom, and surround him with others Lord who will help to fill him with hope and to see You and to raise his head up and look for You and find You. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Hi this is Linda calling from Folsom California and I’m a first-time caller and wanted to call. Today’s date is 1/19 and I just listened to the prayers for today and I’ve been meeting to call for a long time. I’ve been a listener for about five years. And Ben, I’m just going to thank you and do a callout for pushing us to call because I’d wanted to call again today and your prayer of “just call” has…has prompted this. So, I thank you but today I’m really calling about Brian. My brother, I heard your prayer today. I heard your anguish and feeling depression and problems in your marriage and lack of memory and I just want you to know you’re not alone. I...it’s been for me about 15 - 20 years, that I had to because of my depression have a ECT which…that’s the electroconvulsive shock therapy. And, so, since then I have suffered not only the disease of bipolar but with lack of…loss of memory and how frustrating. I do know…I do know what that feels like and I want you to know how much God loves you and it can be frustrating but continue in the blood of Christ. Remember how much He loves you and wants to be with you. Let Him…let Him and don’t shoot Him…don’t shut Him out by telling Him that you don’t feel Him. He loves you. He is inside of you. I also want to do a shout out that I am praying for Diana and Burning Bush. That was such great news. Welcome with your citizenship and I’m so glad to hear about your sister. Love you all.

Hi Daily Audio Bible this is Kylie calling from Brooklyn New York. I’m a first-time caller. I’ve been listening since 2018. I just…I heard some calls today. I’m reaching out for new listeners who haven’t called in before and I was super touched, and I was grinning really widely on the train. So, I just wanted to say that this community has been a family to me since I stepped foot into it in October. Even just by listening I have been met in places I never thought I could be met in by this community. So, thank you. It’s like a hug every day listening to you. Be well and talk soon.

Good evening DABbers this is Running Desperately to Jesus calling for you Diana. I have started and stopped calling on the prayer line so many times because I feel I don’t know what to say to you but then God let me know that you need to her know by His stripes you are healed. To be healed down here on earth or in eternity, but the ultimate is that you are going to be healed. Your boys will be taken care of. God has them in the palm of His hand. He will honor your request because you have been faithful to Him Diana. You have been faithful, you have taken His word and made it into rhymes and poems so that it…it touches everyone’s heart. Your legacy is here. Your boys will be taken care of. Diana, we love you, I love you. I desire to see you in person. I don’t…I don’t know what else to say. My heart wants to cry but at the same time I’m happy because I know that this whole thing, cancer does not have dominion over you. I love you Diana. Running Desperately to…

Hello, my name is Claire and I’m calling from Canada. I am a longtime listener and first-time collar. I just want to say that I’ve been praying for everybody all these years. Everybody I hear call in, I pray with you and I’m just glad that you guys do call in. I did want to mention the guy that was running, that he just started listening as a podcast. I thought that…just…it made me so happy to hear that because I pray for the salvation and that people would start listening to the Daily Audio Bible all the time. And anyways, I want to call in because I have a friend and this is probably running prevalent through a lot of people’s lives, but I had a friend that’s been injured, he’s had crones for many years. We’ve been friends for 20 years and he’s really suffered. He is a believer but it’s the crones, they ended up putting him on painkillers when he went through surgery and after that he became addicted to them. And anyways, he’s living with my mother now and we’re trying to get him into detox and the enemy really has, you know, a grip on him emotionally and spiritually and I just, you know, want to ask, you know, everybody to please pray for him as, you know, he is really fighting a battle and, you know…I’m sorry but it’s just, you know, I don’t…I…I really want to see him healed once and for all. And just so you know I’m praying for all the people that are dealing with sicknesses and cancer right now and all these kinds of things. I am standing in prayer with all of you as well. So…I didn’t want to cry or anything but be blessed everyone and thank you for this podcast. It’s an amazing gift to my day. Thank you. Bye for now.

Hello Daily Audio Bible community I’m calling in today because I just listened this morning and Ben from Columbus Ohio encouraged those of us who have been reticent to call in to just get on it and do it. And, so, here I am. I’m going into my 10th year with the Daily Audio Bible and I’ve been praying for all of you this whole time, just never called in myself. But I just wanted to share a praise report. Over the last…some of the things you’ve shared with me and my wife of the last 10 years even though you didn’t know you were sharing them with us, you were. So, we’re both soldiers in the U.S. Army and the last 10 years both of our children were born. We’ve done seven moves, we’ve done 23 month-long training deployments, we’ve done two combat deployments between two of us. We’ve done two noncombat deployments between the two of us. The year before this last job I’ve had I did 190 days on business travel over that one year. We did to master’s degrees and then we both got selected to command at the next level. Her unit that’s about 4000 people, mine is about 600…well 640 exactly today. I am currently on one of those noncombat deployments right now. And here comes…that was the praise report, here comes the prayer request. Reintegration with my family, looking at that in about 30 days. I’ve spent a lot of time away from them training and being deployed over the last 3 to 4 years and I need to be the person they need me to be. I need them…I need them to just see Jesus through my actions when we get back under the same roof. So, that’s…sometimes it’s more difficult coming back from all that time separated and living apart but just help when we’re back together and living under the same roof together. All right. I love you all. Thanks.

Measuring Monday: A look back at 2018

By the numbers:

350.27 - Miles walked/hiked/run for fitness including tonight’s 4 mile race

22.1 - Pounds Lost

217 - Days I worked out

322.5 - Measuring Life related  work blocks of 50 minutes since July 2 aka 26 weeks

189 - Hours spent exercising since July 2 aka 26 weeks

1010.40 - Amount of money I made dog sitting since the end of September

2 - Number of semesters I taught Urban Hiking

0 - Amount of credit card debt I have

Changes I made (in semi-order)

Weight Watchers: recommitted on New Years Day 2018

Journaling: In February-March, during Lent, I used those 40 days to get back into journaling. I did it daily during Lent, but I aim for 1-2 times a week now.

Working with a Life Coach: For a while, I had listening to this new “find your purpose” podcast called “Life Amplified” from Dan Mason on my to listen to list. Finally, in May I listened and was jolted. A week later I was on a free webinar, then scheduled an exploration call. I worked with Dan in a 12-week group program from June 30 - mid-September. I got crystal clear on my purpose and have been making moves ever since. I continue to call Dan my coach and hope to work with him 1/1 later in 2019.

Therapy: Doing the deeper work is important, a lot of time was spent this fall working through some big stuff.

Paper Planner: As soon as I started working with Dan, I got a paper planner which has helped me maximize each day. This is why I know how many hours I spent working out or on Measuring Life projects because I logged everything and I love it. My planner helps keep me sane and motivated.

Body Pump Certification: This has been something I had thought about for a while, but used not having enough time and not being fit enough as excuses not to pursue it. Well, fall 2018 was my time. After successfully negotiating comp time to spread over a few months due to all the insane overtime my job requires in the summer, I was able to focus on this goal. It was hard to “try” for the first time in a while. I’m not naturally coordinated or athletic, but I put in the work and I’m excited to see where this takes me in 2019 and the new friendships that will continue to bloom within my fitfam!

Finances: I started obsessing over money, in a good way. Starting in July I began tracking every dollar my fiance and I spent. Thanks to Dan I also began to explore additional income streams - dog sitting with Rover, AirBNBing our guest room, selling clothes through ThredUp, and doing the cashback apps like GetUpside and Dosh - if you are interested let me know and I can send you a referral link where we both get money! I also have been using Acorns to “round up” my purchases and put the rounded up amount in a separate money market type savings account - I literally have accumulated $2K in there without trying over the last 3+ years. I was hoping my 403b was going to hit a very significant milestone before the end of the year, but the market has been absolute trash since September. In December I took a baby step into the Dave Ramsey world and joined EveryDollar, even upgraded to the plus version. It’s like Mint, but I never was able to fully get on board with Mint and I just can’t fight Dave Ramsey anymore #thisis35

Phone Addiction: My fiance calls my phone “my precious” because of how obsessed I am with it. My phone time is mostly spent during TV time which annoys my fiance to no end. I just can’t sit on the couch and not be on my phone. My phone addiction was really becoming a problem at bedtime. I would lose hours scrolling endlessly, or when I’d get up for something in the middle of the night I “had” to check my phone which would lead to me getting sucked in for varying around of time. My sleep was really suffering, particularly this summer when my schedule is extra busy and sleep is harder to come by. After listening to the Forever35 Podcast I heard the hosts talking about charging their phone in a different room at night and I couldn’t even fathom that. The fact that I was so shook by someone’s decision to charge their phone in another room made me decide I needed to try. I first kept the phone charged in the other bedroom like across the room, then I moved it to a closer outlet in the other bedroom - mainly because the alarm was blaring AF and I was already up and moving to shut it. Now that we sometimes AirBNB our guest room I charge it across the room of our bedroom. I’ve only been tempted by it twice, but otherwise, I’m fine plugging it up ~10:30pm and leaving it there until my alarm goes off the next morning. I have some more phone related goals for 2019, but more on that later.

Measuring Life: Last, but certainly not least. Measuring Life went from being this mistress of a Tumblr I had since 2010 into being my lifeblood. It was my anonymous pen name for years, but it was also really a way of life. The frequency of my blogging was a good indicator of how my health and fitness was going. By taking Measuring Life to Instagram, Facebook and beyond this year has given me the best kind of accountability, confidence, creativity and best of all connection with others on their journey. I’m excited to continue to measure all aspects of my life in 2019 while staying on my purpose driven journey of self care, recovery, and alignment.

Thank you 2018, I’m a better woman because of all I learned, changed, developed, healed, shared, felt, and tried.

Dramarama (BHLP)

Summary/Situation: How Jin got addicted to a K-drama and dragged Tori with him.

Author’s Note: This was a random idea. Monsta X fans might recognize the title of this scenario. The title of the fake drama I invented in this scenario is a combination of three real K-Dramas. K-drama fans would know which three dramas I made use of and Shawols might or might not get the reference I added in.

GIF not mine

It took a mere three seconds for Jin to declare that he was bored. He was bored of lying still with his injured ankle atop a cushion, tired of rubbing his numb butt ever so often, and sick of having to limp his way through Tori’s apartment for a cup of water. He would not have been in this state if Jungkook had not coax him into sneaking out in the middle of the night to buy instant ramen at a convenience store. 

They were both hungry and the fridge at their dorm had nothing edible to eat. Suga had helped himself to their last serving of leftover pasta hours before, which left the two men with growling stomachs at two in the morning. They decided to get food delivered instead but none of the menus they have on hand were very appealing. Jin had given up on trying to satisfy his desire for food and opted to just go back to sleep. However, the youngest boy in the team had other plans. Equipped with his adorable puppy eyes, he snuck into the elder’s room and, with the sweetest voice he could muster, asked sleepy Jin to accompany him to the nearest 7-11. Jin, already tired and sleepy by this point, unconsciously agreed and soon found himself being dragged across the hall and out onto the streets.

It was all smooth sailing from there until a stray black cat had scared Jin and had him running at top speed. Because of the darkness and his fear of the cat, Jin tripped over a large rock and tumbled across some gravel, spraining his ankle in the process. This left him with an inability to work for two weeks and an embarrassing story he does not want to share with his future kids. With no one to accompany him during his recovery, Jin decided to visit Tori since she was forced into a break after working too hard. After wobbling his way to Tori’s home and using his spare key to open it, Jin found her apartment empty. He sent the girl a quick text and found out that, due to an important errand, she would be gone for most of the day. The injured boy groaned in annoyance and decided to wait for his friend.

With no Tori to entertain him, he was left with no choice but to find other ways to pass the time which was more difficult than he thought. No game in the App Store piqued his interest and none of his bandmates were available to hear him rant about his predicament. Napping felt more like a chore especially with a sprained ankle and a butt paralyzed by the number of hours he spent lying down. Left with no other choice, he turned to his last resort: K-dramas. Jin was not a frequent viewer of K-dramas. He never had the time to watch at least one episode, let alone 16 or 100. Plus, he was always on the go with many tours and interviews lined up taking up most of his time. Although he has watched a clip or two while waiting, it was not enough for him to grasp the essence of a show.

He grabbed the remote off the coffee table and turned on the TV, just in time for the beginning of a marathon. It was for a show called 'Descendants of the Moonlight Lovers', an ongoing drama that was poised to be the next big thing. At first, Jin thought it was like every other drama he had heard about. It had the typical elements: a love story, star-crossed lovers, and good-looking leads. However, by the second episode, Jin was hooked. The injured boy found himself screaming at frustration when the two leads decide to take a break from their relationship and tear up a bit when the female lead’s mom was killed off.

---

Tori was surprised to hear a loud sob coming from her living room when she reached home. Jin must have fallen off the couch, she thought to herself. To her surprise, the aforementioned male was seated near her small TV, crying into a cushion. 

“No! Don’t you dare touch my girl’s man!” The upset boy screamed. He scooted a little closer to the screen, before screaming profanities at who Tori assumes to be the main antagonist of whatever drama was on.

Tori placed her hand over her mouth to stifle her laugh. She knew Jin was a loud and extra man but she had never seen this side of him before. Her friend, who seemed to be unaware of her presence, was cheering for the two characters on screen as if he were cheering for a basketball game. After taking a quick video to send to the group chat later on, she approached Jin who was still very much engaged with the show.

“Hey, Jin, it’s getting pretty late. I think you should go.” Said Tori while trying to ease him off the floor.

Jin turned to her, surprised and annoyed. “No, not until this episode is done and that coward confesses to his sister.”

“I don’t think he’ll do that until a couple of episodes later and besides, the marathon is ending soon.”

“How do you know that? Do you watch this drama too?” He looked back at her, hoping she was a fan too. If she was, it meant he had a friend to discuss his frustrations with.

Tori shook her head. “Nope, but I know how K-dramas work. Now, come on, get back on the couch. Since you have no plans to leave I might as well cook you something."

“Oh yes, please! I was supposed to get Chinese food but Jong-Ki and Hae-Soo were going to reunite and I just couldn’t miss that.”

Tori chuckled at her excited friend. Jin let her guide him back to his previous position but not without him screaming another set of profanities at the TV. His friend wondered if Jin was indeed an adult man or a hormonal teenage girl in the body of a 25-year-old. She settled on the latter.

---

“It’s a great drama, you have to start watching it. The male lead is so handsome, but not handsome enough to beat me, of course."  Said Jin over their shared meal of doenjang jjigae and rice. 

Tori rolled her eyes while helping herself to a spoonful of the broth. When the marathon was over, Jin pestered her with his frustrations with the plot as well as tried to convince her into watching the show as well. He had been rambling on and on about how the love story was unlike anything he has seen before and was looking forward to the new episode next week. It seemed like this man had no plans on leaving until she agreed to his request.

---

“Is it just me or is Hae-Soo the bravest woman I’ve seen in a while?” Muttered Tori while passing the bowl of popcorn to Jin. It was fifteen minutes past midnight and Tori and Jin was absorbed in the sixth episode of their new favorite show.

Jin nodded vigorously. “She is, but I will say, she did seem a tad bit stupid in the next episode. Ooh, speaking of the next episode, you better brace your heart for that one. It’s a heartbreaker!”

“If it’s as heartbreaking as watching Ra-on die, then you better grab me another box of tissues.”

The two friends had their eyes glued to the small laptop perched atop the dining table. As the doctors on screen tried to revive a patient using poor CPR skills, Tori and Jin hoped and prayed for a miracle, as if it were actually happening. They watched as they tried to revive him one last time before collapsing in tears when the patient was declared dead. 

On the other side of the apartment complex, a worried RM was trying to reach Jin and Tori. He and the rest of the members had just come back to the dorm after a long day of work. BTS’s leader was surprised to see Jin had not returned to the dorm and was worried that the older male might have hurt himself again. Little did he know that Jin and Tori were too absorbed in the romance and drama of ‘Descendants of the Moonlight Lovers’ to answer his calls or even pee.

Hi.

I’ve been sober for over five months. I don’t know why I am on this app, but I think I just needed to write and this was where I thought to go. Life isn’t any less complicated now; but I handle it with a lot more grace and go out and live it more fully which is worth the work. Sometimes the journey is lonely and I get afraid of messing up but I can handle those things way better now.

I think of being sober and in recovery as my spiritual practice these days. Recovery requires me to ask myself how I can take care of and strive to be my best self every day. It requires me to challenge myself and to be compassionate and look the ugly truths square in the eye when I’m faced with them. It requires service and mindfulness and community and boundaries and that feels a lot like what church tried to be for me growing up. I am learning to be in love with my sobriety and every blessing it gives me, and every lesson it teaches me.

Before I wrote this I saw the last post I had made. It tore open a really vulnerable emotion in me; to face that side of me that was so lost and addicted to escaping my life and all the things that made me feel so afraid and out of control. All that heartbreak and isolation and desperation was taking the best of me and shoving it somewhere to be hidden away. I’m grateful to be present in my life and to work on and heal myself and to be proud of that.

Sobriety doesn’t make life easier. Life is still messy and complicated and riddled with mistakes. I still feel heartbroken over him. But I also love to know him. I still dream about him twice a week and I always feel so safe and loved and it breaks my heart. There are times when I am depressed, or so anxious I can’t breathe, or so triggered I want to tear my hair out and scream. But it is getting better than it has ever been. Coping tools, surrounding myself with people who care about my wellbeing and support my healing, boundaries, therapy, etc.... are all things that take a lot of work but are literally saving me from missing out on life. The journey is scary, and ugly, and humbling, and breathtakingly miraculous. Ups and downs happen but I’m choosing to care about my life all the time. I hope you can too.

03.12.2021

Dear G,

I hope had you a better day than yesterday. I checked your twitter and you said you were feeling low and blue. I read your tweets and my first instinct is to just call you, message you, hug you, hold you.  I wish there was something, anything, I could say or do, but we’re separated now in more ways than just the odd five thousand kilometers between us. I just want to hold you and hug you. I miss being able to just message you or call you. Everyday this hole in my heart just gets heavier and bigger. Every day I think i’m going to be ok and there’s no way I could be missing you more but every day I prove myself wrong. Today I kept wanting to just call you and I got more and more sad that i just couldn’t do that. I lost my besh fren and you’re not here anymore at all. There was always something so magical about the feeling of sharing our lives together that felt like a huge warm blanket. I was always so secure and safe inside that with you. You felt like home. You are my home.  II know that there is nothing I could say right now to you to make you feel better and you probably don’t even want me to reach out to you right now. It still doesn’t stop me from feeling like I want to reach out to you. I can’t help it. I just need to.  I know that I’m the cause of your pain and I also know that there isn’t really anything i could say right now to make you feel better. I feel sad, angry, helpless, and completely useless thinking about how I put us in this situation. Why did I do this to us? We had it all, I had everything when I had you. Now I can’t even message  you or call you. Yes I do keep up with your Twitter, Tumblr VSCO and now Spotify. At first it was enough, it was like I was getting rationed you. I would check in with your platforms and get just enough of you to get by. But then I tried to push more and I realized that no matter what nothing will ever compare to being in the light of talking with you, holding you, kissing you, living with you. I know what that feels like and I am really just starting to feel what it is I lost when I pushed you away and choose drugs over you. I wish I wish I wish I wish I could throw it all away now and just get you. Nothing no amount of drugs or alcohol will ever fill this void in my heart. It just gnaws at me more day after day after day. I still think of the laughs, the love, the joy but these days as I start to get some more clarity and start to get past the fog in my mind, I can’t help but just hate myself over how I treated you in the end. About how I was so fucked up in my fucking addiction to lose sight of what really mattered. You. Me. Us. All the little dreams we shared. That I wanted too. All the little things we were to each other. All of it. All of it. I just cheated myself and us out of what we both shared. For what? For nothing. For drugs. For fucking drugs. You are the love of my life. I found you. You found me. We found each other. Then I had to go and lose myself again to addiction. I miss all our little talks of how we met, how we dated, how we started, how we used to talk about the future, about how we had so many plans. I miss the story of us. You’ve left such a huge imprint on my soul and now that you’re gone I feel like I’ve lost a huge part of me. I’ll always want you. I’ll always want us. I  will never ever give up on us. I still see us being together in the end. I will wait. If I have to wait forever I will. I just want you. You are the only one that I will always want. Its such a saddening thing to know that you are here and I am here, living on the same planet but not together. 

Last week I wrote so many emails to you and then just before sending I deleted them all. This week I haven’t done that.  I know now that what you need right now is space and time. I can feel your anger, your pain, your sadness and your heartache from all this distance away. Your posts and your tweet still speak to me and I can feel you. I’m going to back off though from trying to directly talk to you. Its just so agonizing I just want to talk to you. I miss you so much its hard to get thru the days without u.  I can feel every little thing that you’re going thru. I’ve stopped messaging you on your blocked WhatApp chat awhile ago becaus it just started to hurt more than it helped. Nowadays I just look at the greyed out avatar, somehow hoping that you will unblock me and we can message each other again, talk to each other, send voice notes to each other. I stare at it for awhile then I close the app. I know that you won’t unblock me deep down, not now at least, maybe not ever. I hope with all my hopes thought that someday we can talk to each other again. I miss your voice, I miss your laugh, I miss your smile, I miss your everything. It doesn’t really matter though because nowadays I see you everywhere I go, I hear your voice, I think about everything that we’ve ever done together, anything and everything. I go on and on and on through my days now doing the same thing over and over again and I see you everywhere. This entire city is full of memories of you and me, things we did together, feelings I had in specific spots, all of it, this entire city is relational to you.  I daydream now all the time throughout the day about you. I actually look forward to remembering every little thing because I never want to forget. Not that I could even if I wanted to, you’ve imprinted on me. I’m here living my life, thinking of when our life was together, thinking of when we shared our life together in this city. My heart and my mind are always with you and I’m not really here right now I’m with you somehow. I often think that maybe you can feel me too . I often wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you. I think about you all the time. I think about the feeling it was like when we both shared the same life, when we were both together, and then I just think of how completely separated I feel from I life that I still desperately want. I want it back. I want you back. I want us back. I focus on the happy moments that we both had, all the hope, all the laughs, all the joy. It seemed so simple in the beginning. I love you. I want to be with you always. I want to take care of you. Then I had to go and make it difficult. My lies, my insecurities, then my self sabotage, and my addictions. They just came and stole away everything that I wanted from us and for us. I’ll never forget in the last days how you said I’m going to finally get what I wanted - to be miserable. Well I didn’t want that at all. What I wanted and what I still want and will always want is us. But I am miserable. I feel like I’m living a shadow life, like someone has robbed me of my happy life with the love of my life. The worst thing is that its just me that did that to me and to us. 

I go through these moments of complete disbelief, like I’m just going to get a message from you, or I’m going to come home and you’ll be here saying hey bb. I’ve been thinking nowadays about how long it has been since I pushed you away and you had to leave. I start to get really desperate at times. Something will just set me off, just a thought or a song and I will get this painful and sharp sadness. If I’m driving I’ll writhe in my chair. If I’m at home, I’ll twist on the couch or the bed. My nails have never been worse. Then I self talk myself, telling myself to take responsibility for my actions and the consequences of those. I tell myself that if there is ever any hope of ever seeing you again I need to do what I am doing now and keep working on myself and getting better.  I really just have this hope that somehow once this is all over we can be together again. I would want nothing else in my life than that. But I also have to be open to the possibility that you do not want that anymore. That thought terrifies me. Absolutely completely scared that you will not love me anymore or you don’t want to give us another chance. I am holding on to the hope with clenched hands. I know that this isn’t about you or even us its about me and my recovery but there is a huge part of me that is completely heartbroken that I did this to us and I just want to be able to be the person I was before. I know we can’t go back to before, nobody ever can, and I know it won’t exactly be a new beginning either. I do know that I love you and I always will and you are the only person I will ever want. I’ll never stop until I’m back to you. I do realize that this choice isn’t really up to me at all and I have no say in it. I have no control over you, not that I ever did, no matter how desperately I want us back, if you do not then there’s nothing I can do about it. I am going to have to be open to that possibility when I contact you again. The only thing that will bring you back is your choice. The only reason for coming back could only be love. I don’t deserve anything from you G but I cannot ever stop loving you.  I am so full of excitement, fear, anxiety, everything over contacting you when I’m a month sober that I don’t even know what I will say. Will you even message me back? Will you be over me and have moved on? Will you not want to talk to me? I am just full of hope but I’m not going to have any expectations. For now you are where you are and I am where I am which is exactly the consequence of my actions for which I will always be sorry for G. 

Yesterday was the anniversary of WHO labelling COVID a pandemic. Remember how you said I told you so. Thought about that yesterday and smiled. Remember when you were so worried about toilet paper? Remember how it felt like it was the end of the world and we were just two souls facing it together. Remember how I woke up to check your breathing when we thought you had it and you probably did? Remember when i came back from Uber and picked u up because I felt really sick then we had passionate sex? Remember all those things? Remember the feeling? You and me. Ride or Die. Us . I still feel it. I feel it so much even now when you’re all that ways away from me and from us.  I’m smiling thinking about it. 

I love you

I only ever want you

If not you nobody

I’ll wait for you

Forever if I have to 

so I am addicted to porn but I am over a week clean now. However, I can’t physically stop fantasizing about girls in a sexual way and keep thinking about porn videos I’ve watched. I want to view girls not as objects and I want to stop fantasizing and thinking about porn as it might be slowing down my rebooting process. Any advice? I’ve started exercise so I’m trying to take steps to stop this but it’s just not working.

Hello, friend,

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling with this. Viewing pornography and the subsequent actions we take can release hormones like dopamine and oxytocin into our systems, and chasing these highs is at the root of many addictions. It is certainly admirable that you are actively seeking not to objectify women, and I do want to tell you that I’m proud of you for not only recognizing this is a change you want to make and the steps you have already taken to get to this point. I know it can be a struggle. I believe in you.

It sounds like you’ve started taking some steps, including starting to exercise. That sort of mental redirection and substitution is great for coping with the initial compulsion, but a lot of people in recovery do experience a form of plateauing with these methods. The easy access can also make pornography extremely tempting, but there are some additional steps you can take. 

Regarding your physical access to pornography, have you tried writing out your recovery plan to break the habit in the form of a contract to yourself? Having a physical agreement that you can hold onto can help provide a tangible reminder of your commitment to yourself. It’s one of the reasons a lot of recovery programs offer sobriety coins for the progress you’ve made. To make it more difficult to access pornography, you can download software for filters/blockers on your computer or apps on your phone.

Regarding your thought process and the urge to revisit those scenes, find something else that is mentally stimulating that can serve as an intellectual distraction from that desire. Logic puzzles like nonograms or sudoku can redirect the thought process and are generally relatively quick to solve, which can give you a small feeling of accomplishment. You can also practice mindfulness through meditation or yoga to help center your body and make you feel more present in the current moment. You can also talk to a trusted friend or a therapist about these thoughts and engage in an intellectual conversation about what, if anything, you are getting from having those thoughts and engage in critical discussions about how and why those scenes are objectifying or damaging to your mental health/overall wellness.

I know you said it has been a week, and I’m sure you know that it takes about a month to break a habit. Keep at it. I’m proud of you, and I am here for you if you need to talk again.

With love, friend!

6 Months of Recovery

Originally posted on September 8, 2016

Seems like not that long ago I wrote about giving up alcohol 100 days ago. That was a big milestone. Several months before I officially gave it up on March 9th of this year, I told my wife I was going to stop drinking on weekdays. You know, only be a drinker on Friday and Saturday evenings…somewhat of a weekend warrior of beer. You know how long that plan lasted? One day. One freakin’ day. It was pathetic. That’s the thing about addiction. You have habits. Habits are a bitch to break, especially for addictive personalities like I have.

Addiction: a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry. Dysfunction in these circuits leads to characteristic biological, psychological, social and spiritual manifestations. This is reflected in an individual pathologically pursuing reward and/or relief by substance use and other behaviors.

While habitual behavior is what got me in this mess, the desire to get out of it finally outweighed the addiction. I feel incredibly fortunate that I am where I am right now. I have never been addicted to dangerous street drugs. I wasn’t even your stereotypical disoriented drunk. I was a high-functioning alcoholic addicted to craft beer to ease the burdens of my anxiety. I also feel very fortunate that I had the courage and will to finally get and stay sober, before things potentially got worse.

Whoa…I just wrote that. (Sidebar: that was the first time ever that I wrote I was an alcoholic.)

So the term, alcoholic. I totally get that we can classify people suffering from alcoholism as alcoholics. What I don’t get is when someone is sober and in recovery, they still get thrown in the alcoholic bucket. “Hi, I’m Jon, and I’m an alcoholic”. Sound familiar? How can someone be labeled an alcoholic when they are living an alcohol-free lifestyle? It seems like there is not enough credit being given to that person’s achievements. Do we call our parents or grandparents potheads, even though they haven’t touched marijuana since the 60’s? What about former cigarette smokers? Are they still smokers? While I can admit that I was a high-functioning alcoholic, I will not say today, tomorrow, or in year that I am an alcoholic now. This is a nice segue into talking about 12-step programs.

I have never attended an AA meeting, or a 12-step program of any kind. Since I’ve outed my struggles via this blog I have been contacted by many people recommending a program. I have read in a Facebook recovery group I belong to that AA is the only thing that works. I even read once that if someone is winning the addiction battle without AA, then they must never have been a real alcoholic. Really? Fine, maybe I wasn’t a real alcoholic. I don’t really care…it’s just a label. What I do know is that I habitually drank high ABV beer daily for several years, and I could not stop doing it for more than one day when I tried! Look, I have nothing against AA. It sounds like it is a fantastic program that has worked, or is working for many people. I’m also not ruling it out for myself in the future. On the other side, I have also heard and read from people that AA just wasn’t their thing, and they found alternative ways to cope and work though their recovery path.

All too often we classify and label a person is who is struggling with addiction, and what their recovery path should look like. This is not a one size fits all thing. For some, recovery is the difference between life and death. Again, I feel fortunate that I was never in a life or death addiction. Mine was more of wanting to have a healthy body, be a good-role model for my children, and learning how to cope with my mental health without substance abuse. As you know, we are all incredibly different in nearly every aspect of our lives. Recovery is a difficult thing to go through. People who are going through this fight need to see what works for them. No one knows what is going on inside someone else, except the person living it every day. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t reach out and offer help to someone struggling. To all of the people who have suggested 12-step programs to me, thank you. This means they genuinely cared enough about me to reach out. It is truly a great feeling to know someone else wants to unselfishly help you.

Today marks six months of being alcohol free for me. If I did attend AA meetings I would be given a 6 month chip. I have this cool app on my phone that is a sobriety clock. It counts the time down to the minute of how long someone has been free of a given substance. It even gives out virtual tokens at certain milestones. So today, I was given my virtual six month chip. That’s crazy to think about. Up to this point I have changed a huge part of who I was. But damn, it feels good to get this far.

I am learning more every day of who I want to be in my new lifestyle. Just a few days ago I received a message from a friend of mine who is on the sober path as well. He seemed to be struggling a bit and asked my advice. I proceeded to give him the best advice I could for the situation he was in. The very same day I was asked by another friend if I would come share my sobriety story at a healthy living presentation she was hosting. Awesome! This is starting to get cool. People are coming to me for advice and inviting me to speak. That’s the cool thing about opening yourself up. When you become honest with yourself, share your experiences, and expose your vulnerabilities…the possibilities will present themselves when least expected.

Whoever you are and whatever your struggles are, look them head on. Deciding to make a change is the hardest part. From my experiences the desire to change had to be greater than the destructive behavior. I obviously was not ready for that change at my first attempt to stop drinking. One day, remember? But I finally saw who I wanted to become. Six months ago was the first day of the second half of my life. Some days are harder than others to get through. But I earned my virtual chip through perseverance, and hard work. If you want to make a change or are currently on the recovery path, find what works for you. Go to a meeting, or find something else. Just do something.

Dating in Toronto

In this world of hookup culture we are forgetting who we are.

It’s December of 2019. The year is coming to an end, in fact the decade is coming to an end. In my generation of millennials I think we’re called, ( I’m 32 ), we either have been involved or know someone that’s been involved in the hookup culture that is currently taking over the world.

Gone are the days of loyalty, trust, commitment, and love.

(Edit: Actually that’s not true. It’s been pointed out to me by some friends, and I already knew this too, that there ARE some people in committed, loving, trusting, healthy relationships. I mean romantic ones. Because I have all of the above mentioned things going on with friend relationships. I have just yet to find it in a ROMANTIC way.... I’d like to say I have SOME hope though... anyways read on to get why I’m so jaded)

Although I know the older and last generations have had their share of breakups and divorces, cheating and scandals, side chicks, alimony, and child support.

These tragedies aren’t new.

What is new and still continuing and evolving is the ever present hookup culture.

You can download an app or two, or three, four, fuck there’s so many who can even keep count.

The point is you can download an app, set your preference, and boom by 11pm that night you’re fucking someone you just met, on an app, literally hours before.

You don’t know them and they don’t know you. You go for coffee, but it’s not really coffee. It’s them picking you up, grabbing a hot chocolate at 10:30pm at night, and going for a drive in their car ( this has happened to me many a times). You then realize ah shit I fucked up, I’m stuck in a strangers car, who is now chain smoking for whatever reason, and then you go park in a deserted parking lot, to sit and get to know each other and make small talk.

Now I know most of you are thinking no way, this can’t be real, who stoops to that level of getting a Tim Hortons hot chocolate between 10:30-11pm at night with a total stranger to then go sit in their car and hope to God they don’t murder you.

But this is real life.

I’ve used Tinder, POF, OkCupid. I downloaded Bumble & Hinge and deleted immediately. I also think I tried something called “Happn” which I also deleted.

I’ve made an account on Seeking Arrangements just for the hell of it ( fuck I really hope I deleted my account oh man). I’ve joined Match for its like one month gig. I’ve joined Christian Mingle YEARS ago only to talk to some horny Italian guy that clearly was on the right site ( insert my VERY DISTINCT sarcasm please.)

It’s interesting because

You lose yourself in it all.

Somewhere someway somehow you allow people into your life you never in a million years think you would. You say and do shit you never thought you would.

You tolerate the weirdest and strangest shit.

Not once but at least.... four times I’ve been picked up by a guy in his car just to drive around, go park, talk, and then they wanna have sex.

I was once, no twice, master manipulated into having sex with a guy I suspect was married, in his van. It was scary. Horrifying. Terrifying. I went against my gut instinct. I went against my vibes. I’ve put myself in quite dangerous and scary situations.

I’ve let men into my life, into my body, I absolutely should never in my life have done so.

I can’t blame my daddy issues, my daddy issues are maybe the root of my issues with men. But my behaviour is something I have to own up to. My patterns, my habits, my inability to catch the players and walk away, block, delete, sooner than meeting up with them, that is on me.

So here I am now just reflecting back on this decade. In this decade I started it off dating someone that was toxic, unwell, borderline abusive. It never starts that way, and then next thing you know I ended up in a psych ward cause I tried to kill myself. The psychiatrist then tells you that one day the memories will fade away until they’re all gone. And it’s true. And he was one of the best psychiatrists I’ve ever met. And I cried when I heard he’s taking a sabbatical to work on something else. All the while knowing this is life. I’m sick. I’ll get better. And this was years ago.

And I slowly get better after that.

But I start using the dating apps. I’m single and vulnerable. I’m a social work student. I’m doing my placement, I’m going through school. I start working at a movie theatre.

My attachment issues, my mental health issues, my DADDY ISSUES, I don’t wanna deal with them. I know I have to. Maybe they’ll go away.

I had previously gotten clean, off drugs and alcohol. So I keep going to meetings.. NA meetings.. at one point I get a sponsor I start step work, I give up, not because I didn’t want to work on my recovery... I just stop using that sponsor. No hard feelings.

Fast forward to now. December 2019. For the last seven years of being single I’ve fucked countless guys... I’ve gone on some weird ass dates and some OK dates. I’ve tried to be non judgemental... I’ve been judgemental... people are... fucked lol.

I fucked a Ryan Gosling lookalike.

A guy I went to high school with.

Many other guys who shall remain nameless. Security guards, guys from NA, guys I met online. Boys boys boys boys.

I’ve gotten attached. I’ve cried, obsessed, blocked and unblocked so many times I have driven myself absolutely insane.

I was taken advantage of. In a van. I blocked that guy by the way... fairly sure he’s a predator... like I said.. some scary scary shit!

I’ve been reckless, not safe enough.

I’ve invited guys over. I’ve had one night stands. I’ve probably broken hearts, I’ve had my heart broken.

Then I meet a couple guys over the last year. One stood out. He was SO good looking in my eyes.. but SO unwell. I dropped every standard known to mankind and hooked up with him. He was F U C K E D up. We eventually end things.. stop talking or seeing each other. In Feb 2019 we randomly see each other ( after having first met each other in March/April 2018) on the subway, he comes over, we fuck. I never hear from him again. I see him on the subway platform a couple weeks later holding hands with a girl. We spot each other. I’m almost near the end of the platform. So he moves to the left, towards more of the centre. The train comes and we all get on. I’m fuming. Raging. I start voicenoting my friends, yelling loudly so he can hear me.. he’s further down the train than where I am. “THIS FUCKING GUY, I JUST FUCKED HIM AND HERE HE IS WITH A NEW GIRL, HOLDING HER HAND, THIS IS MADNESS”.

People are staring. I look crazy. We get off at the same stop. During the train ride They FOR SURE could hear me but they had their heads down, they’re talking, holding hands, ignoring the crazy bitch yelling into her phone about some guy she fucked that has the AUDCITY to board her train with a new girlfriend. Once we all get off, they’re up ahead of me and I eventually lose them. I call my mom and I’m SCREAMING into the phone. But.. who even cares? All that anger, rage & resentment, for what? We weren’t close. Or dating. I was nothing to him. When all I want is to be something to someone.

Basically... I’m sick of this shit. Sick of being nothing to no one. Just a sexual object, most likely a side chick, no trust or respect.

Some have taken me on proper dates.

Dinner. Movies.

Dinner.

Coffee shop.

But the mass majority have been flimsy, stupid, regrettable, one night stands that require more work on my part- I have laundry I end up having to do the next day... mixed with trying to wash all the shame and guilt off of me from my poor choices from the previous night.

It’s like we’ve become transactions with each other.

Some guy I just fucked last night was all “Oh no, I REALLY wanna get to know you, you’re one of the hottest girls on POF right now”

Buddy you don’t wanna get to know me you want to get to know my vagina. PUSSY. You wanna say HIIIIIIIII and REALLY get to know not me as a person but me as my VAGINA.

And it’s like SERIOUSLY?

Why can’t we be straightforward. Why do we lie.. to ourselves.. and each other.. it’s like I’ve convinced myself I’m either not worthy of love and respect or I’ve just given up on it as if it doesn’t exist anymore.

Siblings that are older.. all divorced or about to be. A couple still together. But one pair fights and fights and fights.

Is that love? Is that respect? Is that what a relationship is now? Still?

We can order food, products, and people to our door within a matter of minutes but at what cost?

You’re not paying me for sex but should you be?

I’ve often thought maybe I should dabble in being an escort. I’d get paid. And have sex. Because what’s the difference in what I’m doing besides absolutely nothing except that I’m not getting paid and sex workers are.

I’m having meaningless, pointless, regrettable sex that is oftentimes worth the orgasm but not the emotional turmoil I put myself through after.

I’ve definitely used sex the way I once upon a time used drugs and alcohol. I HATE admiting I’m a sex addict. I don’t crave it.. I don’t NEED it. But I do it anyways. When I’m sad, depressed, stressed. I want sex. I don’t want the guy or the drama or stress or relationship. I wanna exert my feminine power and fuck you til we both orgasm.

But... it doesn’t always work out that way. I may use guys for sex.. but they use me right back lol.

I have to delete the memories from my head and keep moving forward.

I met a guy this summer. At a Tim Hortons. There were vibes lol.

I could tell he was a player, manipulative. We exchanged numbers. To this day ( six months later ) we still chat. He left the city for months and is now back.

He’s put me down, about my faith & beliefs, my career, and just me as a person. He’s pissed me off and I’ve told him off. I’ve blocked and unblocked him so many times over the last few months, even without seeing him in person, only to unblock and message him again. He’s rude, narcissistic, a fucking prick. He doesn’t think, honestly, of literally anyone else except him and his daughter. He makes excuses and has stories for days. He’s been so rude to me so many times and yet I STILLLL wanna talk to him. I STILL want him to like me, want me, date me. Treat me nicer than he’s treated me.. actually talk to me with respect. Not lead me on leave me on read for hours at end to just come back around when he feels like it.

But, here I am, entertaining this fucking douche bag because I’m bored, lonely, depressed.

My dad just died. A month and a half ago. I know, you’re probably thinking Jesus, this girls life is DRAMA! It is. I’ll end this blog post here, for now, and finish all the rest of my stories later.

With my Dad passing its opened me up again. Made me a bit a softer. More self aware. More in tune with my emotions and what the fuck I want, what the fuck I’m doing. Everyone’s always told me how to act and what to do my whole Life, or at least that’s how it’s felt ( even though it’s not exactly true).

These experiences shape you, mould you, change you from the inside out.

I’ll get rid of all these fuckboys.

Everyone says oh just wait, the right person will come along. But will they? Will they really? Where’s the stats and proof and logistics of it? I mean sure I live in a big huge city so I will definitely meet SOMEONE one day but how? Where? Why are we told to just have blind faith this will happen.

Whoever made up that saying and these expressions and thought pattern is a fucking moron. We date and fuck who we either meet in person or meet online. There’s really no in between. But meeting people in person.. who, what, where, when, and how?

I’ll get back to you guys on all the rest of my wild life and stories and thoughts.

Blessings to all for now,

Anonymous Dater in Toronto

My Personal Favorite Group Fitness Classes

[By: Rebecca W.]

I’m so grateful that I made exercise a priority at a young age. I started with just simple cardio and weightlifting, but as I got older, my schedule became rather more hectic. The past 2 years, I’ve been challenging myself and my body by trying out all different types of workouts. I now appreciate all kinds of different Group Fitness classes and simply can’t go a day without a nice sweat. After testing out every class FSU Campus Rec has to offer, I’ve compiled my top 5 favorite group fitness classes that have greatly helped me achieve multiple personal fitness goals and I hope they can help you too!

1. F45

F45 is a new and very hype Group Fitness class that FSU Campus Rec launched this summer. I say it’s very hype because it is by far one of the most encouraging and innovative workout classes I’ve ever taken… like ever! Every class is different, so if you become addicted like me and go every day, you’ll never see the same workout twice. Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays are solely cardio based, targeting your heart rate to reach a higher beat, while Tuesdays and Thursdays are strength based, working every major muscle group with functional moves. If you’re looking to break a sweat, try F45, I can honestly promise it won’t disappoint!

2. Pilates Body

Pilates Body is my absolute go-to when I need to feel firm and stretched. I chose Pilates because it consists of low-impact movements designed to strengthen flexibility. It also emphasizes core strength and proper postural alignment. My body always feels toned and tighter after one class and my booty and shoulders are always sore a couple hours after... my favorite body parts to work out!

3. Total Body Sculpt

All I can say is that after working out for years, I still need to work on my endurance and stamina. Boy these HIIT classes are challenging! Total Body Sculpt, that is offered at the Leach, has got to be one of my favorite HIIT/total body workouts. Although I’ve only done it a few times, I have seriously become addicted. The use of light to moderate weights during class with really high repetitions makes it extra challenging, in the best way possible!

4. Barre

Barre is hard, sweaty, intense, and completely worth every second. Barre Burn classes tend to focus on pulsing movements, with emphasis on form and total body alignment. It targets sets of muscles with isometric exercises while putting heavy focusing on core engagement. Breaking a sweat isn’t hard in any barre class, since most movements are derived straight from ballet. Try Barre Burn if you’re looking for these heavy focused toning moves and plié on!

5. Yoga

I can’t say I'm a very passionate yoga practitioner, but yoga has been in my life for a while now. Aside from feeling so relaxed when I’m done with a class, I just love the overall benefits of yoga in general. Improved flexibility, blood flow, and posture are all things I seriously feel after one session. Try out a class that Campus Rec offers if you’re feeling tired and sluggish. I guarantee after one session, you’ll feel a lot more refreshed, resilient, and ready to take on any challenge.

6. Spinning

Indoor cycling focuses on endurance, strength, high intensity, and recovery. I enjoy going to a Spin class because I love the way the instructors teach the classes based on their personally set playlists. I go so much harder when I’m jumping to a high beat hip hop song. I always walk out of a spinning session drenched in sweat, which makes me feel so accomplished. Spinning is one workout I’ll keep doing.

FSU Campus Rec provides over 70 group fitness class sessions each week at various facilities, so there is always a class you can take. Learn more about group fitness class registration and classes you’ve never tried on the FSU Rec app now. I encourage all of you to step out of your comfort zone and sign up for a class you’ve been wanting to take! Group Fitness is a great way to feel motivated and powerful throughout your entire workout, which is a reason I personally love taking GFit classes! And remember to tag @FSUCampusRec in your Instagram Stories when you take a new class for a chance to be reposted!

( i’m sobbing she’s precious )

hi guys, i’m jules and i’m so excited to be a part of this rp !! i just saw that my app was in all caps by mistake bc my phone likes to fuck with me like that and i’m cringing omg. so i applied a few days ago but life got super hectic and i only just reapplied now that i’ve come up for air rip. but this is my eternally fucked, lowkey honey girl kiran who thinks she’s stoic and intimidating af but more often than not has the smallest of smiles at the v least on her face. here’s some basic — & extensive, sorry lmao — info about her ( TW: death, self-destructive behaviour, adjustment disorder/situational depression ) :

born seong kiran/kiran diana seong on march 12, 1997

scarborough, canada born and raised to first-gen korean-canadian parents

the epitome of a bitter smol™ that’s prepared to fight over everything (stubborn brat )

has twin five year old siblings that she fucking adores, which is a big deal since she doesn’t care intensely for many people

her parents were both only kids that ventured into science-based careers; her mom was a pharmacist at her late grandparents’ small clinic and her dad was a neurosurgeon at toronto gen hospital, so they were upper-middle class you could say

s u c k e d at making friends in her formative years and when she did, they didn’t stay for v long

plenty of chances for her to find new friends though since the gta is huge and has a ton of other kids around so it wasn’t all in vain

also her vanity when she was a kid was prob a turn off for others lol

smart af, like english? a’s. math? a’s french? a+

eventually didn’t suck at the whole friend thing and had a small group of people she grew rather fond of

she ended up graduating as valedictorian and was accepted to mcgill to study pre-med and become a neurosurgeon just like papa seong

always wanted to follow in his footsteps, so it came as no surprise to her parents

( TW: DEATH ) during her midterm break in her first sem, her parents decided to take the family to their cabin near muskoka for a weekend away from the city/suburbs

they were a little over halfway there when her dad tried to veer the suv away from a moose in the middle of their lane, but wasn’t successful

kiran was conscious during the whole thing, though she sustained a concussion and the twins were unharmed in their carseats; however their mother died on impact and their father suffered from a cranial injury ( .. i only just realized how ironic and morbid this is after working with this muse for a while oh my g o d )

she went with the twins to the hospital and was inconsolable over the loss of her mother alone, while her father was in critical condition and the outlook was promising, though not certain

he was put in a medically induced coma after being operated on and she and her godparents ( who advised her on the whole thing since they were docs themselves ) decided to hold out hope for a recovery

the twins were put in her care and she was left to deal with the burden of their loss, her education and the obvious, her brother and sister’s newfound dependency on her

she withdrew from the few people she became close to over the years, her grades began to slip as well, and she was always weighed down by grief and anxiety

she tried to stay in school while taking care of the twins, but it was becoming more and more difficult to do so. she just managed to keep her head above water throughout the rest of the first sem though

moved out of res, into an apartment and relocated the twins for the time being to see if she could pull it off

( TW: SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOUR ) add the fact that a part of her began to question if she could really follow in her dad’s footsteps, and that she let further anxiety from the pressures of making her parents proud get to her and she was soon on a downward spiral

she slipped away from her academics and was slowly becoming a poor guardian; soon, kiran was partying too hard and winding up in the hospital or a stranger’s dorm, skipping labs, and was generally a lost cause when the twins were under the care of a sitter

failed a couple of courses by the end of the second semester and had her godparents flying out to crack down on her dumb ass

felt hopeless and lost, but especially so when she posed the risk of losing the only family that she had left, realizing how selfish her actions were and trying to amend her mistakes

dropped out of mcgill for the time being and took up a job as a retail clerk to provide for the three of them ( despite inheriting their mom’s estate and all, as she put the money that came from it into the kids’ savings )

was soon in the clear in her godparents’ opinion and has tried to do right by her parents and siblings since then

after losing herself for a while, she found that she was right back to where she started with friend-making, but rather than it being her just not knowing how, it was that she didn’t want to let people in after everything that had happened

she didn’t remain a loner, but she didn’t have a ride or die by any means

for the sake of her a.d and bc of the bad memories that t.o and mtl held, she found herself relocating to greenville of all places

but deep down she knows mama seong would be happy about the kids growing up in a smaller town than near dt toronto

about four months after settling in, she began attending a nearby college in what would have been her fourth semester and has since maintained a high gpa after retaking the courses she fucked up in

her dad has since woken up, but he’s going through extensive forms of therapy to restore his motor, neurological, etc functions

she’d be back in t.o if her godparents hadn’t advised against it since it was still rly overwhelming for him and his three kids ( two of whom wouldn’t rly know him either ) coming back prob wouldn’t help ??

still has nightmares from the accident, the girl’s scarred for life and is thankful that the twins were too young to remember

sees a psychiatrist at the behest of her godmother bc she rly can’t cope by herself in all of this but she doesn’t like to burden others with her problems ( doesn’t like people knowing much about her regardless but )

now to her personality and extra facts ig ??? this has gotten so out of hand already, sTOP ME

the most stubborn chick alive, will never admit she’s wrong unless you weasel it out of her with some heavy guilt-tripping

she used to be a fucking NIGHTMARE to most people before everything went awry, still can be but it’s more or less an act with a little bit of it also being herself

a true instagram addict, which makes sense bc she can be p vain at times

rather intuitive tbh

can be insightful as well

feigns annoyance and boredom with people/their antics

some weird ass detachment method on her part that she didn’t shake, but question her on it and she’ll shut it tf down

but is still genuinely, easily irritated all the same ?? not even i understand this chick

curses like a sailor is she isn’t too curt in her responses

has a problem with trusting others, feels like she can only truly rely on herself so if you break through that barrier then congrats ig

she won’t make it obvious though, she’s a sociable being and will actually take to you if you pique her interest with free booze or a wild story

just don’t expect her to surrender much of her life story, but she’ll also get a bit offended if you don’t offer a bit of your own ??

the most annoying internalizer of emotions ever if you’re actually friends with her, 110% will not confide in you if you’re not one of four or five people in her life

also fears loss more than anything, so she isn’t close to many people for BOTH the trusting aspect, as well as wanting to spare herself the pain of watching more loved ones die or leave

but if you’re one of the v select few people she’s let in completely, she’ll never let you go. she’s the definition of loyal and will legit die for you

so so devoted to her little brother and sister, like she loves them more than anything and does everything so that they can succeed when they’re older

all of the sports acceptable for kindergarteners, music lessons, ballet, you name it, she’s got them registered

puts them before herself all the fucking time, her mom wouldn’t be impressed with her putting herself last as opposed to finding equilibrium

anyways, point is, you’ll never see her be more affectionate and joyful than with her family, godparents included

her being good with other kids though ?? she’s been working on it and she’s coming around

still can’t stand screaming brats though lmao

will be super polite to even her enemy’s parents mostly bc fuck that person.. unless their parents aren’t pleasant people either, then she’ll be unpleasant right back lmao

trust me when i say that she has a heart of gold and will do what’s morally right, is so so soft but will forever be in denial like i cannOT STRESS ENOUGH

defensive pessimism at its finest

fluent in french and korean

memes are lowkey the way to her heart

well, memes and food ofc

such a poutine hoe™

sci fi junkie

here for aesthetically pleasing everything

her place is almost never in disorder, oddly enough

quite the party girl, though not the same as when she was a frosh, is able to control herself when there aren’t too many stressors plaguing her

queer af, doesn’t know what her sexuality is but she knows she isn’t straight ( but for all intents and purposes, she’s pansexual )

she just needs someone else to take care of her honestly, she still doesn’t know what she’s doing with herself lmao

trying her best™ to be better in general but change doesn’t happen overnight so she’s not rushing into it, aka she’s still comfortable with being a bit of an asshole for as long as possible

you sometimes won’t know who she is from one day to the next, kind of the personification of a wild ride

so that’s kiran, if you’d like to plot just hmu or like this and i’ll come to you !! i’ll link some possible connections later bc my laptop’s about to die and i can’t find the charger anywhere ? @my mom, pls stop moving my stuff, it’s giving me more heart palpitations than my econ final last month

Dennis Prager- Making the Ten Commandments, Is our Universe just an Accident? Faith Crisis: What Do We Do When We Feel Nothing? And How to Face an Addiction to Pornography. ACU Sunday Series.

Dennis Prager- Making the Ten Commandments, Is our universe just an accident? Faith Crisis: What Do We Do When We Feel Nothing? And How to Face an Addiction to Pornography. ACU Sunday Series.

  Dennis Prager- Making the Ten Commandments.

Is our universe just an accident?

Faith Crisis: What Do We Do When We Feel Nothing?

How to Face an Addiction to Pornography

  Dennis Prager.  Making the Ten Commandments. 

Dennis Prager now sees his task as spreading The Ten Commandments. He used to say it was spread Ethical Monotheism. But now he realizes that’s not enough. He explains why.

  Fine Tuning: You Don't Suck!

Watch this video at- https://youtu.be/WR51OrawqIg

Discovery Science

Published on Jun 24, 2019

Is our universe just an accident? Or does it display exquisite evidence of fine-tuning and intelligent design? This episode of Science Uprising investigates claims by scientific atheists like Lawrence Krauss and Bill Nye that our universe is nothing special and that the fine-tuning scientists observe can be explained away by the existence of multiple universes. Be sure to visit https://scienceuprising.com/ to find more videos and explore related articles and books. Featured experts include Bijan Nemati, Principal Research Scientist, University of Alabama, Huntsville, and former long-time researcher at NASA's Jet Propulsion Lab; Frank Tipler, Professor of Mathematical Physics, Tulane University, and co-author of The Anthropic Cosmological Principle; and Stephen Meyer, PhD, Director, Center for Science and Culture, Discovery Institute and author, The Return of the God Hypothesis. Check out our other videos: Information Enigma: Where does information come from? Information drives the development of life. But what is the source of that information? https://youtu.be/aA-FcnLsF1g Science Uprising Episode 1 - Reality: Real vs. Material Has science proven we are all just matter? Or does reality extend beyond what we can see and touch? https://youtu.be/Fv3c7DWuqpM Unbelievable Myths Neil deGrasse Tyson and Co. Love to Tell https://youtu.be/aJ_YXRA7uyw Check out other videos from this playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list... Subscribe to our channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/Discover... ============================ Science Uprising Well-known scientists have been preaching a materialistic worldview rather than presenting the public with all the evidence. We are here to change that. The objective scientific evidence does not prove our universe is blind and purposeless. It does not show we are simply meat machines. It does not prove that evolutionary mechanisms can completely account for the diversity of life on earth. This is what THEY want you to think. Think for yourself and make an informed decision. Are you ready? The uprising has begun. Visit the Science Uprising website at https://scienceuprising.com/ to find more videos and explore related articles and books. You can also find out more information about the people interviewed in this episode.

    Faith Crisis: What Do We Do When We Feel Nothing?

Watch this video at- https://youtu.be/ckuIXECbB5E

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Published on Jan 17, 2019

 “Dad, I can’t do it anymore. I’m gay.” Michael Mclean’s son had come out to him. “Dad, I’ve tried to do everything you said. I went on my mission. I was an Eagle Scout. And I don’t know how to get through it.” Michael felt his son’s pain and wanted to support him. So, he turned to God in prayer. Michael had received answers before. He knew they would come, but he felt nothing. It was the first time in his life the heavens felt shut. His prayers couldn’t get past the ceiling. Michael begged God to talk to him. It was challenging the first weeks and months, but as two years passed, Michael questioned, “What if I got it wrong? Is there really a God who hears my prayers?” He asked himself, “Can I keep the promises I’ve made when my heart feels nothing?” Michael got on his knees and prayed, as he had countless times before. While Michael prayed, he said, “I don’t know if You’re hearing this, but I’m going to quit whining and moaning. I’m going to trust You. I’m going to trust that, at some point, You’ll communicate with me, and I won’t feel so lost.” Michael didn’t give up hope, but he stopped trying to make himself feel something. Michael writes songs for a living. After nine years in his faith crisis, he had an extraordinary experience. One day he went into his study. It was as if songs were being downloaded to his mind. He wrote for 10 days and completed 12 songs. Michael’s answers came in those songs. He felt that God had answered him in a way only he could understand. They came directly from God’s heart to his. Michael was overwhelmed by His grace. Have you ever had a crisis of faith? What do you do when you feel like God isn’t speaking to you?

Subscribe to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for the latest videos: http://bit.ly/1M0iPwY Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/churchofjesu... Twitter: https://twitter.com/churchnewsroom Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ChurchOfJes... Website: ChurchOfJesusChrist.org The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

    How to Face an Addiction to Pornography

https://youtu.be/lWHSyEhNOo0

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Published on Apr 25, 2019

 “I can quit whenever I want.” Steve never thought of himself as an addict. He thought that his problem would eventually go away—maybe when he served a mission for his church, or maybe after he got married. But it didn’t go away. Steve struggled with a lifelong addiction to pornography. He was able to hide his actions and behaviors. But when his addiction led to multiple affairs, he knew his life had to change. His wife felt extremely angry and hurt. She didn’t think that Steve was capable of doing something so painful to her and to their children. Steve felt convinced that there was nowhere to go, nothing to do, and that his life was over. Feeling hopeless, Steve met with the leader of his congregation and told him everything. His leader advised him to seek a professional counselor who dealt with addiction. His leader also suggested that he ask his wife to attend counseling with him. Steve and his wife began attending addiction workshops and a support group for spouses of addicts. If you are struggling with pornography use, get help now. You can find resources at addressingpornography.ChurchofJesusChrist.org. You may also want to consider a recovery support group. See addictionrecovery.ChurchofJesusChrist.org for more information. Spouses and families are also affected by a loved one's pornography use. If you need help, seek information for your own path to healing on addressingpornography.ChurchofJesusChrist.org. Support groups are also available on addictionrecovery.ChurchofJesusChrist.org

Subscribe to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for the latest videos: http://bit.ly/1M0iPwY Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/churchofjesu... Twitter: https://twitter.com/churchnewsroom Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ChurchOfJes... Website: ChurchOfJesusChrist.org The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

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Addiction Treatment Approaches

Contents

World health organization rained

Sheet covering research

Content. treatment approaches

Clean slate addiction

Knowledgeable joint accreditation certified massachusetts

5 rehabilitation facilities

Last June, the world health organization rained on the post-E3 afterglow by proposing to treat compulsive video game playing …

Addiction treatment therapies are numerous and varied. Learn about some of the more common types and how they can help someone addicted to drugs. Treatment Approaches for Drug Addiction.

Treatment for alcohol or drug addiction is available in many different forms and settings. Most substance abuse treatments offer a variety of behavioral and mental health approaches.

His plans also include implementing innovative treatment approaches, specifically around … House Treatment Center is part o…

For those seeking addiction treatment for themselves or a loved one, the Addictionblog.org helpline is a private and convenient solution. Calls to any general helpline (non-facility specific 1-8XX numbers)…

In this presentation, we describe three evidence-based approaches to using patient outcome data to improve treatment effectiveness … at the Connecticut Department of Mental Health and Addiction Serv…

NOTE: This fact sheet discusses research findings on effective treatment approaches for drug abuse and addiction. If you're seeking treatment, you can call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health…

WATCH: Feb. 7 — Overdose crisis shows ‘neglected addiction care’ in B.C. The … suggest improved outcomes related to compuls…

Jun 1, 2016 … Although some of these approaches may sound promising, more than likely, they won't be effective addiction treatment options. Choosing the …

The complex nature of drug addiction and the multiple variables involved in each individual disallow one treatment approach as a means to recovery for all drug …

This integrated approach to treatment is widely accepted as the most effective form of outpatient treatment for opioid and alcohol addiction today. The center has been certified by the Virginia …

Dec 4, 2017 … Substance abuse is a growing problem in society but with some different approaches to drug abuse treatment, it can help an addict overcome …

Addiction treatment therapies are numerous and varied. … Relaxation approaches might also incorporate distress tolerance so that stressful events are less …

Oregon passed a law in September making it illegal for addiction treatment doctors from refusing to prescribe … buprenorphi…

This approach follows a logical rationale. If we know what caused something to become broken, we can fix These approaches are discussed in the Psychological Approaches to Addiction Treatment.

Opioid addiction or dependency treatment can typically be done on an outpatient basis … and that is why a comprehensive app…

This integrated approach to treatment is widely accepted as the most effective form of outpatient treatment for opioid and alcohol addiction today. The center has been certified by the Virginia …

What Are My Addiction Treatment Options? For many individuals, the first step toward recovery is Remember: there is no such thing as a "one-size-fits-all" approach to addiction recovery.

Our treatment approach is different than most addiction recovery facilities in Waukesha, WI. Treatment approach. Evidenced-based therapy.

Aug 1, 2006 … [NOTE: This is a fact sheet covering research findings on effective treatment approaches for drug abuse and addiction. If you are seeking.

Jan 17, 2019 … NOTE: This fact sheet discusses research findings on effective treatment approaches for drug abuse and addiction. If you're seeking treatment, …

For people with dual disorders (also known as "dual diagnosis"), the attempt to obtain professional help can be bewildering and confusing. They may have problems arising within themselves as a result of…

Drug addiction can be treated, but it's not simple. Addiction treatment must help the person do the Licenses and Attributions. Public domain content. treatment approaches for Drug Addiction.

The clean slate addiction Site in “Substance Dependence … since failing to benefit from the approach that others claim to b…

FRIDAY, Feb. 15, 2019 (HealthDay News) — Insurance rules that limit access to the addiction treatment medication buprenorphi…

Each approach to drug treatment is designed to address certain aspects of drug addiction and its consequences for the individual, family, and society.

Family Therapy Approaches Sometimes Used in Substance Abuse Treatment. Several …

Improving access to treatment and recovery services Promoting the use of overdose-reversing drugs Strengthening our understan…

“OneFifteen’s focus on continuously learning how to improve addiction treatment aligns closely with our community’s innovativ…

"Hazelden Betty Ford’s evidence-based approach to helping people overcome addiction … a national nonprofit that provides comprehensive inpatient and outpatient addiction treatment for adults and you…

Evidence-based addiction treatment approaches are established ways of treating addictions that have been shown in research studies to help people.

Addictions Chart ADDICTIONS TREATMENT APPROACHES ALTERNATIVES APPROACHES ALCOHOL Social Skill Training—.

Addiction Search is a comprehensive site dedicated to providing health consumers and professionals with up-to-date, research-based information on drug and alcohol addiction, addiction treatment…

A psychological approach to addiction treatment also tries to uncover any hidden trauma that may have been experienced in the past. If the person has a co-occurring disorder such as depression…

Those engaging in addiction treatment should be aware that the process is seldom simple or easy. How can you prepare for addiction treatment? Explore various approaches to treatment.

Psychological approaches to addiction recovery aim to increase a person's motivation for change. Helping people to accurately appraise the costs and benefits of their addiction increases their…

American Addiction Centers (AAC … difficult for legitimate online directories and resources to operate. This “broad brush” …

He needed help and treatment. Ohioans with addiction should have … All he was left with was an addiction that grew worse. A …

Addiction can be … through a community approach. The Meriden Opioid Referral for Recovery (MORR) program aims to bridge the …

NOTE: This is a fact sheet covering research findings on effective treatment approaches for drug abuse and addiction. If you are seeking treatment, please call the Substance Abuse and Mental…

Fact sheet covering research findings on effective treatment approaches for drug abuse and addiction. Drug addiction is a complex but treatable brain disease. It is characterized by compulsive…

Those who care can push the person with an addiction towards treatment, while still maintaining an attitude … But by providing the family with psychoeducation—specifically, approaches that are likel…

Finding effective treatment for drug addiction is often elusive for addicts and their family members. These residential treatment programs tend to differ in their approach based on a few key elements.

Sep 2, 2009 … NOTE: This is a fact sheet covering research findings on effective treatment approaches for drug abuse and addiction. If you are seeking.

With addiction on the rise and appropriate treatment lacking … Unlike the ‘physical’ medical approach, behavioral care trea…

Taking a holistic approach to addiction treatment simply means treating the disease by According to the American Holistic Health Association, a holistic approach to addiction treatment integrates…

Addiction Treatment Center Massachusetts Finding sobriety starts by calling a dedicated, trusted, and knowledgeable joint accreditation certified massachusetts drug treatment center. At Banyan … Treatment Centers Directory is a complete directory of drug and alcohol addiction treatment centers in Massachusetts. If you need to find Addiction Treatment Centers In Michigan Each rehab center in Michigan tries its best to help those in need. However, the following 5 rehabilitation facilities with high success rates in Dr. Corby specializes in addiction treatment and combines the fields of sociology, medicine, and psychology to Faith Based Addiction Treatment Faith-Based Treatment Will Work for You. Addiction is a disease process, and restoring health to people who suffer from addiction involves addressing their unmet needs and re-establishing healthy and sustainable routines, behavioral patterns and spiritual connections. Our Christian treatment center Addiction Treatment Va WICHITA, Kan. (AP) — A new $4.4 million facility is being built at the Robert J. Dole VA Medical Center in Wichita to treat v… A new vaccine for heroin is getting closer to human trials. But it's still 10 Addiction Treatment Services Traverse City Mi On May 7th, five extraordinary Northern Michigan business leaders took the stage in Traverse City to serve up 5 inspiring stories … Chelsea: As a designer, I’ve worked with Addiction Treatment Servi… Addiction Treatment Services – 1010 S Garfield Ave, Addiction Treatment Delray Beach DELRAY BEACH, Fla., Nov. 7, 2018 /PRNewswire/ — Recently, The Watershed Addiction Treatment Programs announced that six scholarships will be offered this year to students who are either currently enr… Wayside House offers drug and alcohol addiction treatment for women