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#I’ve just really not had the time and emotional energy to spare here for the longest time
capcarolsdanver · 2 years
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Hey friends! It’s been a long while.. I’m sorry!
I’ve received quite a lot of messages/asks from concerned followers so just wanted to let everyone know that I’m okay. I appreciate you all checking in. I’ve have a lot going on the past year or so and I’ve not had anywhere near the amount of time that I need to be able to run this blog well, but I really do apologise for going completely MIA for so long.
I’ll try to log in a little bit more frequently but unfortunately I can’t make any promises. Like I said, there’s just a lot going on at the moment and I’ve got things I need to prioritise my energy on now. I miss you all so much though. Hope you guys have all been well ❤️❤️
(I’ll try to log in again in the next day or so and answer any asks or messages I may get if you guys wanted to know anything 😊)
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goodbyeapathy8 · 3 months
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Departure letter
As mentioned in this post, that outlines why I needed to let this be my last message in the Kindergarten Mafia Discord server... here is the Scathing Letter™. ------------------------
It is time for me to go. 
I absolutely loathe having to do a departure announcement because this is not an airport and I’m sure not a lot of people care. 
But as someone who has spent 10+ years of their life actively decolonizing and liberating my viewpoints, it would be absolutely remiss for me to not leave final remarks here expressing my utter disappointment and feelings of not being safe in this space. Not just as POC but someone chronically ill and autistic. Y’all have not made it kind for someone who has any sort of marginalized identity, as evidenced by the public dogpiling in this thread as well as the now deleted messages in clarifications.
I’m not going to address the majority of the drama except for what started it all : someone refusing a Native person’s (well-deserved) call out for a culturally appropriative phrase. 
It is devastatingly clear to me that a large portion of folks in this server have a poorly curated personal life extremely lacking in diversity. 
The defensiveness and elitism (really? Dictionary definitions?). Refusal to actively listen and instead attack others about lacking critical thinking. Self-claimed expertise. I could go on. 
So I revise what I had posted previously. Everyone is a little racist and this server is full of white supremacy tenets. 
https://rrapp.hks.harvard.edu/the-culture-of-white-supremacy-in-organizations/
This is my last attempt at educating some of you, which will go poorly, I’m sure. 
I spent an inordinate amount of time/energy/spoons to provide coherent context the last time but to find the entire thread deleted with no respect for the effort I spent there, has been one of the final straws. 
Frequently mentioning your volunteer status is frankly laughable. I have volunteered for quite a few places, including mutual aid organizations, and across multiple timezones and never have I seen so many excuses to say that y’all do not care about POC. (1/2)
I don’t care how old anyone is, what their job IRL is, what works you’ve posted with how many kudos, etc. I *do* care about the fact that multiple people, when speaking up, are treated with callousness and hurtfulness. That is a larger indication of your mental age and capacity than any other words you can type. 
That I felt safe enough to be so vulnerable in this space for a while was an illusion. There are continued indicators that POC words are ignored, especially calling out that I know both Jynx and William have requested their labor be deleted in the server but have not been. 
Last, but not least, I’m sure people will read this and think oh it’s Phoenix banding together with their friends. I say this with as much passion I can muster : I would have the same amount of disdain for the actions seen in this server without any personal friendship ties and emotions. That is how the social justice aspect of my autism works. 
You all have so much work to do when it comes to respecting other human beings that have different experiences than you. If I weren’t so consumed with the feelings of my actual divorce, recent termination, and the continued trauma of world events like that in Falasteen, I’d feel bad for you. 
As it stands, I believe my energy is precious and I simply cannot spare any more in spaces where I (and others) am not welcome or given respect to. Let it be noted that I’ve actually gone viral on social media before and I still have not left THOSE spaces and yet am choosing to leave this one. The troll comments I received on Tiktok can be ignored because they are from complete strangers that I do not give a single fuck about. The ones here, purportedly from those who claim it’s “safe”, are even more insidious in nature. 
Whatever race or ethnicity you are, to take people who have shown you their vulnerabilities and turn around to show your entire behinds in the least sexiest way ever, is not a good look. Ever. 
Leave the ass scenes to KinnPorsche. 
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ovaryacted · 3 months
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Awwwe nic, I just saw your rant. I'm so sorry you're going through a rough patch. People truly underestimate how time consuming a nine to five job is. We want you to know that you shouldn't feel any pressure from our side, we'll read whatever you write and whenever you write, even when we have to wait for it. Don't overwork yourself because that'll help no one. Now I do understand all the frustration and dread you're feeling if you want to write but just can't. Trust me, I've been there. I am there. With college and me being a procrastinating little piece of shit, I haven't written anything in ages, even though writing is my truest passion and I wish I could be an author some day. The dread felt when you're stopped from doing things you want to do over an extended period of time is so valid. Now, this little ask of mine can't magically make you a few more hours to spare nor can it make your job any easier, but I hope you at least feel heard. Take your time, write when you have time for it. Even five minutes, just put something in that word document - that's better than nothing. You'll continue later. It'll help with the feeling of depression to at least type something, even if it's just one paragraph. And when it comes to feeling like it's a waste of time, I don't think there's a writer in the world ho hasn't felt that at some point. We see you, and we know how much hard work you put in to give us those yummy fics. Know that your following is standing right behind you and we'll eat up whatever you put out there. As someone who's been writing since I learned how to hold a pencil, I can tell you that the feeling sadly never truly goes away. But it comes less often and becomes easier to deal with. And, If you really need something to keep you going, know that hundreds, if not thousands of people would be really sad to see you go if you decided to give up on the blog. I don't know how much this helped, or even if it helped at all, but the point of the story is that we're here for you, no matter what. Love you pookie, take care!❤️❤️❤️
-🌑
This ask made me emotional in the morning, and I’ve been reading it over and over the past few days. I’ll admit, I’ve been in a rough patch for like a month, I genuinely forget how my mental health can get around January-February, which are relatively rough months for me in general because that’s when my depression spikes the most. I guess it’s a combination of the pre-birthday blues and the existential dread of getting older lmao, but idk it’s always a stressful time for me and it’s been that way since I was 16. My home life is also not the best right now, which just stresses me out more cause now I’m stressed at work and at home thanks to my inconsiderate family. (Eldest daughter things feel me?)
Honestly, I’m really thankful I have a 9-5 job and a good one at that, it gives me financial stability I’ve never had before. It’s also a job I prayed for, in the field I studied and with reputable nice people. I got very lucky, especially with the current economy in the US dealing with hyperinflation and how hard it is to get a job right now I’m very grateful. But it is a busy job, I mean I work with people who are essentially government agents and have ties to the FBI so I have pressure to do well at work. I did underestimate the amount of time I’ll have for myself working a full time job, especially after coming from a shitty part time job I had more time to do things throughout the week. I feel like I took all that free time for granted, and at least when I was in college I had several days off, now I only have like 5-6 hrs after work plus the weekend to myself and the cycle gets exhausting at some point. Usually when I come home, I have the mentality and the creativity to want to write, but lack the energy. Literally the moment I rest on my bed, I just put on Netflix and doze off, or won’t have enough brain power to make cohesive ideas so I end up hating what I write or starting over (which has happened so far). So I have the weekend to relax and write, but now I have to start studying for a big legal exam later on in the year which is my ticket to law school for 2025. I just have a lot going on right now and to prep for (adulthood I guess).
Believe me, I’m trying, and I want to create, I’ve been writing since I was 12 so this is a hobby and a skill I want to build up. I’ve been taking some time out every day to just write stuff out, and so far it’s worked. And with asks, I use the morning and my lunch break to prepare responses and edit them at home to post when I have time. I just want to upload multiple things at a time, and then I get indecisive about what to start, and end up posting nothing lmao. Plus with all the bs going on in the tags and the fandom in general, it’s annoying the hell out of me cause it’s just constant drama. But I appreciate your kind words honey, I always do, they’re encouraging and make me feel better. Adore you, I hope you’re having a good day though and taking care of yourself. ❤️‍🩹
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Interlude: Razing
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The only time in your life you wish you hadn't picked up the phone to Javier
Rating: 18+ (for consistency)
Warnings: General Angst, Emotional Devastation. 
A/N: Do I hate myself? Yes.
New York, Summer, Age 25
“You’re early,” you sigh amiably down the line, well past the point of reprimanding yourself for your tone. You’re happy to hear from him - you always are. 
Taking half an hour out of your busy day at the office to just talk is the highlight of your week when you manage to fit it in. And since you’d moved up the food chain at Statesman, your life really had been non-stop - work hard, play hard. Between your back-to-back schedule and Javi’s latest promotion at work, the two of you were often like ships passing in the night, only managing to catch one another for a quick moment during a spare lunchtime or a late finish after a long day. But you were trying, and that’s what mattered. It felt good to feel so close to him, despite your geographical distance in life. Neither of you were willing to give that up right now. 
Settling in for what you feel is a much-needed discussion about the weight of the world, you prop yourself against the edge of your new desk and smile peacefully to yourself, ready to receive some gentle ribbing about how you’re too busy with your big-girl job for the likes of your best boy from Laredo. 
“I know, I can’t talk for long, but I didn’t want you to think I forgot.”
“I know you don’t forget,” you giggle sweetly, “you never forget. That’s a shame, though, I was really hoping to bend your ear this week.”
“Oh? Actually, I need to talk to you about something too. Right now. It’s actually the main reason I called.”
“Well, I’m going first,” you interject facetiously, comfortable as ever. “Work has been a nightmare. Jack and I have been on field work non-stop, and the admin that goes with it is stacking up more than ever. I know I said I wanted this promotion, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m really cut out for all of this.” 
“What? Bug, you’re crazy. Of course you are. You’re the best, and they frequently tell you that. You wouldn’t have got the new office if you weren’t.”
“That’s really sweet of you,” you grumble back, revelling somewhat in how easily you can wear your heart on your sleeve.   
“Well it’s a fact, I know it. But we can talk about this properly another time, I really need to run something by you-”
“Plus I’ve just been so cranky lately, I don’t know what’s going on. I guess I’m just struggling with all the big changes going on. Maybe I need to go home for a bit. I know I don’t often say that, but everything here has just been so busy and I feel like I might not be coping as well as I thought.”
“Bug-”
“I just don’t want people to think I made a mistake coming here. I know I can cope, it’s just a lot. I miss you, I know we’ve drifted since we both started these big things and I know it’s not our fault but I just feel like we can get back to where we were that time.” You take a deep breath and push on with your stream of consciousness. “I was thinking about what you said, at Christmas, and I think you could be right right.”
“Bug-”
“Maybe we could make it work. I just think that, maybe, it’s worth the trouble. I know it’s never been clear-cut, but-”
“Bug!” 
“-What?” you snap to, shocked by his cutting tone. You’re pulled from the swell of your emotional rant, suddenly very conscious of where you were going with it. “What is it?” 
You hear him gulp loudly on the other end of the phone, suddenly stalling. He never yells at you, has rarely raised his voice in your presence more than a few times in your whole life, but he’s definitely backtracking now. You can feel his energy crackling like a live wire through the telephone line, attempting to bat down the flames of his upsurge.
“Out with it Javier,” you quip, trying to sound light, but you hear the reedy tone to your words. Really you know, you already know, somehow, what he’s going to say. Or close enough. Part of you is always waiting for it in one way or another, the only thing that changes is the timing. And who it will eventually be. The room suddenly feels dramatically overcast.
“Has the devil caught your tongue?” you croak with a pathetic laugh. 
“Worse,” he whispers, and you feel your heart drop like a stone. 
“Tell me.” 
The two of you pause, stuck in some terrible vacuum as you wait for the ball to drop. Neither of you wants to hear what comes next. 
“I’m getting married.”
He says it so plainly, so clearly, that you feel your mouth part slightly to form a non-committal gape. You focus on the way the movement happens automatically, on how you actually feel your jaw move against your will to leave you sitting there, open mouthed, presenting clearly to the world exactly how you feel but without any demonstration of why as the tinny words are fed directly to your ear.
The silence that follows is deafening. As you perch there in the gentle hum of the room, your mouth has never felt drier. Your bones: empty. It’s like you can feel your skin shrinking inside your clothes. The viscerality of your reaction to his words is overwhelming, so much so you have to take a moment to admire the combined effect. Who knew a single statement could make you feel like your skin is on fire, or like someone has cast a palm across your face with every ounce of their strength behind it. You imagine this is what it feels like when you’re told someone you once knew has been in a car crash; a grief you feel almost guilty to allow to take up space when you’re lucky enough to be so removed from it, but for some reason you can’t help but let it haunt you. You feel the weight of it ringing in your head, clear as a bell, sharp as a tack pressing into your palm. 
As the swell of these conflated ideas wash over you in quick succession, you let the quiet sit for a moment, too, knowing he’ll be guessing every one of the questions you’re too polite to ask. 
What do you mean? Are you stupid? Has a small part of your brain started to rot? Have you actually, finally, completely fucking lost it?
“To who?” you finally whisper, instead, but once again you already know the answer. 
“To Lorraine.”
Again, the way he says it is clear and precise. It’s like the words of a script, followed by the quivering feeling that lingers after you pull off a bandaid.
The line buzzes in the background, the only thing to tell you it hasn’t disconnected, that you haven’t disassociated from your body entirely. 
“Okay,” you say after another long pause. Your voice isn’t even a whisper anymore. It’s a sneaking breath, just about escaping from the tight line of your lips. 
You pause again, letting him fill in the gaps, the words he knows you want to say, but won’t want to hear leave your own mouth. 
I thought we understood each other. I thought we loved each other. I thought that even if we never said a thing, it was obvious. I thought you knew that. I thought you knew that if you asked, really asked, I would say yes, even if it didn’t make sense. 
I thought, in spite of everything, we had time. 
“We’re having a baby.”
I thought you knew that was the one thing we didn’t try.
And yet, somehow, that one doesn’t hurt quite so much. You almost laugh before your snarky response slips out. “Yeah, I’ve heard that one before Javi. In fact, I think I’ve heard you say that maybe about three or four times before. Every other month in high school you were having a fucking baby.”
“I know,” he sighs, again almost laughing, but fundamentally unable to. “But it’s true. We found out this morning.” 
It’s the ‘we’ that cuts you worse than any other part of it. The intimacy it carries, as if you can practically visualize the thing between them just in those words; the way he’ll have come to her rescue so wholeheartedly, honour and practicality above all else. A part of you wonders if he was happy to do it. 
“How?” you blurt out curtly, before you can check yourself. Your resolve is wearing thin and he knows it. The joke isn’t funny anymore. The shock is going to wear off and all that’s going to be left is the start of the bruise and the dull ache that comes with it. 
He scoffs then, and you can picture him so clearly, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration, avoiding your eye even though you’re miles away. 
“I don’t think you really want the answer to that question, sweetheart.”
“I mean how is that possible, when did you even see her?”
He breathes, sighs, would hold his breath until he passes out if he could. You take a moment to revel in how hard this must be for him. How much he must have been dreading this call. It doesn’t make it better, but if anything you resolve to take some pleasure in it while you can. 
“I went home. I was missing it. She was there. I was actually the one that went over to her place.”
And that’s the real kicker. That’s the wound that sticks, sinks, stings. The one that you’ll remember the shape of most likely for the rest of your life. 
I thought we had time. 
“Bug, say something, baby, please.”
Baby. You almost grimace when he says it now, far too close for comfort in the midst of this phone call. It’s over-familiar for the way you’re feeling right now- like you’ve forgotten who you are, and who he is too. But you press the start of that newly forming bruise, and shortly after you’re reminded: you’re the best friend. That’s what you are. 
“I’m happy for you, Javier.” 
“Anything but that,” he scoffs, and you hear the hurt behind his tone. 
You walk to the window of your office and just stand there for a moment, taking it in. You can feel the way he’s hanging on your silence for whatever is coming, whatever words he’ll manage to get from you.
“I just thought-”
“I know,” he jumps immediately, seizing his chance, “you thought right. You think right. But you know me.”
“I do,” you whisper in a shaky breath, feeling your resolve start to waver when he starts to appeal to the basic facts. For that reason alone, you already know exactly what he’s going to say next. “And she won’t-”
“No, she won’t. I already know she won’t. I have to make it right.” 
And there it was, too - the thing that you both knew beyond measure. He always has to make it right. How far would he go to do to that, if this is what it cost? If you were what it cost. 
A small but unavoidably loud part of your brain is devastated. Deep down, somehow, you always thought it would actually be you. Saying that, even to yourself, for the first time is more painful than you’d ever imagined. In spite of the unconventional nature of everything, how could it be anything other than you? The same way it was with him. Other people came and went, but this was supposed to be forever. Somehow. 
Complacency, you resolve, is what had allowed that misconception to form. In the midst on your comings and goings you’d got unreasonably comfortable, and this was all the proof you needed of that fact. You had left, after all, had resolved with little hesitation that this was the life that you wanted, the same way he had done with his. You didn’t want to be the fool that held themselves back, but somehow you still feel like the butt of the joke as you hover aimlessly in this moment. 
You could work on yourself as much as you liked, but at the end of the day it always came down to the people who didn’t want you. Everything surrounding that was more or less meaningless. You just never expected it to be him, the one person you thought you were always enough for.  
But it was never set in stone. It was never even official.
“I’m happy for your Javi. And I have to go now.”
He already knows what comes next: the shut down. He’s only had to experience it maybe twice before. Once following a particularly thoughtless comment about your parents. The other, an equally thoughtless comment about your form. Somehow this is the first one that’s because of her. You silently pat yourself on the back for that. 
“You said you were thinking about coming back, right? That you’re overwhelmed? I’m here now, you should come.” He’s flapping, quietly frantic, trying to hold on tight before you’re completely out of reach, but he already knows it’s too late.  
“Actually, I don’t think so. I think I’m exactly where I need to be right now.”
More silence carrying more words, this time from him.
I’m sorry. You know why I’m doing this. I have to fix it. 
You won’t blame him, you can’t. At the end of the day, as usual, he’s done everything right. But holding on fucking stings nonetheless, and you’d like to let go now. 
“I’ll call you in a week, or two, Jav. Maybe. Bye.” 
You throw the receiver to the ground before he can respond, pulling the cord and dial with it. The cable comes straight out of the wall, too, and you pick the whole handset up only to throw it again, this time across the room and into the door. You can’t help but eyeball the small dent it leaves in the heavy woodwork of your new office. Good. That way you’ll remember, every day. 
Retaining every emotion you have somewhere deep inside you, you walk down the hall, across the landing, and toward the familiar office without even a thought to knocking. 27 steps and you can let it fly. You make it to about 23. 
“Jack,” you say, voice trembling, fist already balled against your eyes as you feel the sob rise up in your chest. 
“Darlin’?” he asks gently, looking up from his files, eyes soft, eyebrows drawn. “What’s wrong?”
There’s nothing to say. You let the tears fall.
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Terra Week 2023 - Day 7 Package
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@terrakhweek
Pieces: 1. Reflection from Terra 2. Drawing of Terra, Aqua and Ventus (as per Terra’s request) 3. An encore that Terra doesn’t see coming – Song Dedication
To be acknowledged/shared: TUE 28 MAR or WED 29 MAR
Requires mod/re-share on Twitter (written pieces)?: No – published via Twitlonger
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Firstly, here is the drawing done of the reunion in KH3. I thought this scene captured the Wayfinder trio the best, and their raw emotions, especially Terra’s:
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I must say, Terra Week really pushed me to improve my drawing and do things I’ve never done before.
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Here is the conversation I had with Terra for Day 7. Ideas were still a mix-up when we had this chat, so it sorta goes all over the place but works out in the end. Terra also decides to give some of his own closing statements:
START CONVERSATION
Terra: “Hey, what’s going on? I heard there’s been some trouble with me?”.
Me: “Yeah… This energy has been seemingly messing with you lately and trying to derail me from my Terra-Week work”.
Terra: “Oh! Oh.. Awe. Would you like to tell me more about it?”.
Me: “I don’t think we need to regail the Terra-Week audience with that”.
Terra: “Alright; we’ll save that for another conversation then. But you said you’re stuck right?”.
Me: “I was stuck, and have been for days; but then I jammed all these fines up my subconscious this morning, and I think it finally got the message… Again”.
Terra: “Oh; hahahahahaha!… Gotta pay per disruption. So. What did you want to pick my brain about this time?”.
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Me: “Well, firstly; two benefits to when you speak. One; it’s a suitable way of showing our connection”.
Terra: “Mmm”.
Me: “And two; we get to hear from the man himself. I think that one time you spoke about being a Wayfinder and Caretaker, they enjoyed it last year. So I figured we had to give more this year; although I didn’t anticipate so many sensitive prompts for you this time; so once again, sorry about that”.
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Terra: “It’s alright. I did I say I was gonna help you. Does this one need a hanky [handkerchief]?”.
Me: “It depends on how you answer it. Since I didn’t know what to do about ‘Hero’, I’ve decided to go with last year’s Day 7 prompt which is ‘Self-Reflection’. So I was just wondering if you could pretty much reflect on yourself”.
Terra: “I think I get where you’re coming from, but that’s a bit of a vague ask. Can I have more details?”.
Me: “If you could just simply talk about your Kingdom Hearts life, any of it. Re-tell some stories from your own perspective, or look back on some of your actions and state if you would do them the same or differently this time around”.
Terra: “Ah, alright. Well as you know yourself, I would have done a lot of things differently, especially if you remember what I said for your Day 3 thing. In terms of how I went, not only did I fail my Mark of Mastery exam, but I screwed up everything else after that. I’d rate that experience with a big fat doughnut, only I got my friends back in the end, so I guess it’s not entirely that bad”.
Me: “Connections are important to you, aren’t they?”.
Terra: “Totally. And that’s the reason I made it to the other side. Like I said; amongst all the anger, despair and trickery, Aqua and Ven served as a reminder for hope, and were my reasons to not completely give in”.
Me: “That’s where the Lingering Will came from”.
Terra: “That’s right. The entity that would keep fighting on even when my heart and body could not. And the Lingering Will also wears a cape… You said you didn’t know what to address for a hero?”.
Me: “Well; not all heroes wear capes, Terra. But I get the visual tie-in”.
Terra: “Well I’ll ask you a question then. Do you think I’m a hero?”.
Me: “In some ways I guess you are, being unbiased here of course. You did come in when Ventus was about to be exterminated by Eraqus, so you spared Ventus in that sense. And then in your comeback, as the ‘guardian’, you swooped in and broke the chains that were about to end the lives of Aqua and Ventus, as well as Sora. And then only after Sora proved himself worthy enough to you [KH2.5 Secret Boss], you sacrificed yourself when then Terranort guy wanted to blast Sora. With the ‘rule of three’ in mind, I did manage to list three things, which confirm you’re a hero, sooo… Yeah”.
Terra: “Mmhmm”.
Me: “Wait a minute… You just led me to addressing the prompt I thought I didn’t know how to address”.
Terra: “That’s me doing my job as your dream guide [one of three]. But aren’t you forgetting something big about the word ‘Hero’?”.
Me: “What do you mean?”.
Terra: “”Well, there’s someone in Olympus Coliseum that I met with. We had a match or two, although one was a bit off”.
Me: “Zack”.
Terra: “Yeah. So only if you have enough time left, you could draw me with Zack”.
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Me: “It sucks that I still can’t do custom posing though”.
Terra: “It’s alright. All your other drawings have been fantastic so far. Hey; I’ve got one request if you’re okay with it. For the last day, could you please also draw me with Aqua and Ven? I understand that it’s supposed to be ‘Terra-Week’. But it doesn’t feel right not recognising the hearts of those who led me back here”.
Me: “In the case, I’ll prioritise that one over the Zack drawing”.
Terra: “And I’ve also got another idea for Day 4”.
Me: “Okay Terra; but aren’t we doing a bit much discussing our itinerary out in the open?”.
Terra: “It’s the last day. I’m sure the Terra-Week team would be interested to see how you did your work. So I was thinking about that 2022 prompt of New Friends and Hangouts. Your household and reality are basically my new friends. So why don’t you draw yourself and I, and a bunch of those teddies doing something together? I’m sure that’ll be appropriate, and we can add some Kingdom Hearts flare to it to make it more-so. And hey, if you’re wondering what happened to me, I’m making up for when I seemed to be missing earlier in the week”.
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Me: “Hey Terra, we’ve hit three pages [in the writing book]. Would you happen to have any final comments for Terra-Week as this will be posted on Day 7?”.
Terra: “Hmm, let’s see. Well… I know Terra-Week is supposed to be all about me, but then there are people that make it happen, like you. So I want those guys to know that I’m giving you a massive shout-out. What I find fun, but also a bit confusing, is that there are other versions of me? So I guess I’d be fascinated to see how other people choose to interact with me; or if they just make pieces about me. Like I wanna see what I’m doing in all their works. I must say that despite some difficult prompts, you’ve been very kind to me, and again, I’m sorry about any trouble I put you through. Like at least in your reality, I’m not too angry; crying all the time; wanting nothing but violence *chuckles*. But like I said, each person has something special to bring to the table; and I know everyone doing this project loves me in their own way… So thank you. And if there’s another Terra-Week next year, I’ll definitely be back. To the ‘mods’ though, could you not give such painful prompts next year that I have to bite my tongue while trying to help Karla?”.
Me: “Sorry Terra; that’s a ‘no-can-do, or more than half your cannon character would be gone lol. But I’d like to make a special admission before we close. To this day, I still sometimes want to wring the life out of Aqua and/or Eraqus for their occasional insensitivity which planted seeds for my dream guide’s ‘ruin’. However, Terra is always begging for me to let it go, and sometimes I perceive an energy where he gets hurt from my rants. That’s how much he cares about everyone and has a really good heart. This person had mountains of integrity, which is why in my reality, I’m trying to show him what he can become with his highest potential and minimal obstacles or doubts”.
Terra: “Mmm. Thanks to you, and the green guys too; the tots that come after me when I’m not feeling good. I’m also blessed to have Riku as a dream guide partner; so he and I get to strengthen our bond, and no matter what happens to the others, Riku and I have been guaranteed to experience this new reality together. Oh! And I can’t leave without quickly mentioning Karla’s mom. Once she found out about me… I’m the only dream guide in the house that’s loved by more than just one person, which makes it a house I never want to leave. Her mom’s said heaps of times that she feels bad for me. Alright, I think that’ll do it for Terra-Week this year. As the star, I’ve gotta be the one to finish it”.
END CONVERSATION
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THE ENCORE THAT TERRA DOESN’T SEE COMING:
I could talk about the last minute song dedication all day lol. When you go to the YouTube link, be sure to read the description if you want the info and reasons behind it, rather me me filling up this space so much. I will reveal though, that I wrote the song 😮.
Here is the link to the surprise Day 7 piece:
youtube
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I declare this the end of Terra Week 2023 from my end. To help the mod out, you can work with the above resources if you wish to construct a comment.
THE END!
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The reason I ended TW above is because I have also written a Behind The Scenes reflection on how I felt going through the production process, and then some of the other KH ppl also added their insights.
Therefore, I am not obliging the wider audience to be bored by this. Please only go to the G. Drive link if you have time and are interested in everything I went through to deliver the show: WARNING: Heavy Reading.
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Thank you!
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bibuddie · 2 years
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hey guys. sorry i’ve not been active the last couple of days, like, at all. i’m having a really rough week for reasons i’m not gonna get into and i have a load of deadlines rn that are keeping me super busy, so i just honestly haven’t had time nor emotional energy to spare being on here. idk how active i’ll be over the weekend but i’ll definitely be back monday for the finale!
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venomous--fics · 3 years
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Anon Requested: Omg wait can i request a fic where reader feels like they aren’t good enough for eddie and venom so reader breaks up with them and eddies sad and just a lot of angst (BUT happy ending) if not thats okay !
A/n: Day 5!! I'm think about just extending the weekathon to the entire month! Not too sure yet, but I should decide quickly huh!! I just think it'd be fun to do something like that. Maybe get more and more festive along the way. What do you think?
Song: Halley's Comet by Billie Eilish
"So, that's just it? You're just gonna up and leave and not tell us why?"
He wanted to sound mad, but his voice gave it all away. You couldn't stand the thought of what you were doing to them both. You couldn't even bring yourself to look at them as you left. You didn't even bother to grab your things. You just left emptyhanded.
Subconsciously, maybe you knew you'd find your way back eventually. But...Not now.
The weight of the world began to crush you with every step you took away from their place. You knew they were watching you from the window. If you had to leave, they'd at least make sure you'd stay safe.
It all felt like a cruel punchline to an unfunny joke. How could you be such a fool to think you'd be good for them? They....They were a protector. A lethal one, but still a protector. They helped people and saved the world from every threat imaginable. You sometimes couldn't even drag yourself out of bed.
It didn't seem fair to drag them down like that. They deserved better. They deserved the world, and you just couldn't give them that. Someday they'd find someone who would.
That night was spent alone on a friend's spare guest bed. The world was so quiet. There were no streetlights beaming into your room. There was no more sounds of late night traffic or the people talking and walking as they passed under your shared window.
There was no more fighting Venom for the comforter because he'd purposely hog it just to get your attention. It always worked. There wasn't the usually jokes about forgetting to set your alarms for the work morning ahead.
You simply set your alarm and laid down. The world seemed so much colder and emptier. It didn't seem fun and bright anymore. The bed felt much more spacious now.. The pillows felt too squishy and new. The sheets looked nothing like his.
Staring at the wall wasn't going to put you to sleep any faster, so you rolled over and clamped your eyes shut. You willed yourself to not cry.
The tv kept repeating the same old stuff. Robbery after robbery. Someone got shot. A car accident. Oh, it's going to rain tomorrow.
We should be fixing that..
"I don't feel like doing anything anymore."
"I don't feel like doing anything anymore either, V."
There was an uncomfortable silence. Normally there'd be some form of a pep talk from you, but now.. Your spot on the couch was empty. All that was there to suggest that you even existed was your favorite throw pillow.
With hesitation, Eddie grabbed the pillow and held it in his lap. It still looked brand new, and that's simply because you always knew how to take care of things. Nothing of yours ever really got broken or misplaced..And you always knew just how to handle things.
"I miss them."
A thought they shared in common. It's felt like months, but it's only been a couple of weeks. Your things were still occupying space here. It was almost torturous having to look at them each day and know that you weren't going to come home.
It was that thought that broke them both. They curled up on the couch, sad and defeated. The world was incomplete because you weren't here to make ti better. A rough day at work? You'd say, "Oh, don't worry." as you made some hot coco to relax with. Emotions getting out of control? You were always there with ways to fix them.
Did they take you for granted? Did they forget to cherish you? Did they do something wrong? Everyone always told them that they were just screwups who ruined everything, so maybe they just fucked it up again.
Maybe they'd learn to live with it. Just not today.
It's just not home anymore. Home is where you were.
The rain was awfully heavy today. But you were thankful. Today was hitting you harder than the last few. You were stumbling down the sidewalk, tears streaming down your face. Nothing seemed to hold any meaning anymore. You'd pass by Mrs. Chen's shop, and normally you'd stop by there to get Eddie and V a snack or two. But now, you simply keep walking.
Today you just let your body walk. To where? Wherever you felt like you needed to go. You were so tired, and so worn down. That only help cement in the fact that you just... You were an absolute nobody. Who could love a nobody?
If only you were born gifted with the brains, the talents or even the powers. Maybe you'd be worth something. Maybe you'd see yourself as more. Maybe if you felt like you held any importance to anyone, you'd find a reason to stick around anywhere, with anyone.
Despite wanted to be more to literally anyone, all you could think is being better for them. They meant so much, no, no, they mean so much to you. It felt so dumb and childish to be so hung up on two of the goofiest creatures on this planet. You couldn't lie to anyone. You were hopelessly in love with Eddie Brock, a man who truly was a breed of his own. And you were in love with Venom, an alien with a heart bigger than his stomach but he's too embarrassed to say it.
You don't want to love them anymore. Because you still believe it was better to not be with them.
You slumped against a light post and wiped your eyes. You tried everything to stop the tears from flowing, but that only made them multiply. You'd scold yourself if you had the energy.
The world really did begin to feel more and more empty. People seemed to walk pass and not even give you a second glance. None of them cared, and to be honest, neither did you. Normally you never noticed other people, because you'd be so wrapped up in whatever it was you and Eddie, and yes, Venom too, were doing.
But they aren't here anymore. You were back to where you started. Alone and afraid of what the world had in store. You used to wake up knowing what you'd be doing...But now you weren't sure.
You remained leaned against the streetlight for an eternity. The sun had set and the moon had risen, yet you remained put. Everything was cold now. The rain had subsided, but the light continued to drip down on you, but even then, you didn't have the willpower to move.
It's better to be cold than to have never been warm, right? That is how the saying goes...Right?
You sniffled, waiting for the next set of drops to hit your head, but they never did. You slowly looked up and saw someone's hands holding up a jacket. They looked like they were doing their best to hold it up like an umbrella, and without touching you. You recognized the jacket immediately, even just from seeing the inside of it. You'd worn it so many times.
You stood up straight and turned around, being greeted with the sight of Eddie. He looked just as tired as you, and just as lost. He looked like he had a million things to say, but it seems like the cat had his tongue.
The universe was giving you a chance. For some reason.
"I'm sorry." was the first thing to spill out of your mouth.
"We're sorry, too."
"You didn- It was me. I was.." You took a step back from under the jacket, but it seems like Venom wasn't having any of that. He moved Eddie's body for him, this time, draping the jacket on your shoulders.
You gently crossed your arms and held them close, appreciating the gesture now.
"You can leave now. If you want." Eddie moved back a little, "We just saw that you were cold.."
"I don't want to go." you gripped onto the jacket, trying to fight the new wave of tears threatening to come out, "I just.. I had to because I felt like I wasn't good enough."
You were about to ramble on when Eddie cut you off, "That's why you left?"
"I'm sorry." You felt like you could just curl up and die on the sidewalk.
You looked down, staring at the cracks that littered the walkway. You'd find someway to make this poetic.
Two hands, one human and the other very much not, wrapped themselves around you as they pulled you into a warm embrace.
"Did we make you feel that way?"
The way Eddie's voice cracked made your arms go limp at your sides.
"No. I made myself feel that way- But I can't help it. You guys do so much good and I-"
"We love you."
The hug got tighter, "We used to do what we did because it was the right thing to do. But then we met you and it all changed. It seems so cliche to say that, but...It's true."
"You're just saying that."
"We adore you. We promised to do everything we can to make sure we leave this world a better place for you."
Your hands shook as your fought with yourself. You wanted to hold them just as close as they were holding you, but you felt-
"I don't deserve this.."
Unworthy.
In typical Brock fashion, and never knowing how to truly deal with his emotions, Eddie clung to you, almost pleading, "Would you just listen to what we're saying."
"You can't love me."
"Why the hell not? Huh? Whose going to stop us?"
"Nobody's going to stop us."
"Why is it me. Out of all the worthy people, why me?"
"You're such a good person. I know you don't see that..But you're the kindest person I've ever met."
"Certainly the nicest I've met..."
Every last word you wanted to yell out into the night sky just vanished from your mind. You wrapped your arms around Eddie and squeezed as hard as you could.
"How many times do we have to say it to make you believe it?"
"I'll say it a billion times," Eddie said, "Most guys would quit at a million but me? I don't know when to quit."
"It's true. He doesn't. But if saying it a billion times gets you to come home, then I'd do it a million more than him."
"I," You started, taking in a deep shaky breath, "I wanna go home regardless."
"We can talk more there if you're comfortable."
"With coco."
"I would like that."
The walk home was a talkative one.
Eddie's hand held yours tightly, but not too tight. He was so afraid that if he didn't hold it firmly enough, you'd simply slip away again. He was sure as hell not letting that happen again.
The apartment looked the exact same as when you left. You were so surprised by that. Normally they'd be a mess if you were gone for too long, and the apartment would reflect that.
"It all looks the same."
"Oh. Yeah." Eddie busied himself with fetching the hot chocolate ingredients.
"We couldn't bring ourselves to ruin your hard work...Or move your things." For the first time, Venom seemed sad.
They both seemed tired. You wanted to feel bad, knowing that they felt that way because of you. But knowing that they loved you meant that they felt bad, not because of you, but because you were gone.
Without thinking, your hand reached out and grabbed Eddie's arm, startling him a little.
"Can we go lay down for a little bit.." you asked quietly, "I think we all need a little rest."
Relief washed over him as he set down the cups and lead the way to the bedroom. There was no more words as you three crashed onto the mattress. Venom used a small tendril to turn the lamp off and pull you closer to Eddie.
"Are you okay with loving a nobody like me?" you asked as you watched him shut his eyes.
"Are you okay with loving two nobodies?"
"We are all losers."
Venom pulled a blanket over you and Eddie, going so far as to fluff the pillows under your heads.
"And that's okay. I love us the way we all are."
You yawned for the first time in ages as your eyes closed, "I love us too."
There was that familiar light coming through the window. And there was the sounds of the cars and the people. The world felt just right and you were home. You moved closer to Eddie and placed a quick, soft kiss on his lips, and his arms were quick to wrap around you.
You felt a soft tendril wrap around your arm.
"I know what you're feeling and what you're thinking." His voice sounded surprisingly quiet, "But you are more than enough for us. We don't say it, but sometimes we feel the same way. You could certainly do better than us. But.."
The tendril tighten a little, but not enough to really do much.
"You left and we realized...We don't know what to do without you. We didn't feel like doing anything anymore. It felt pointless."
You turned your head to look at your arm, seeing two small white eyes staring at you with a mixture of sadness and adoration.
"I know I'm not good with these human emotions..I might never be good with them, but..I know that I love you. And Eddie loves you too. We always try our best to show you..But you are truly all we need to be happy in this life."
You were a bit shocked with how much Venom had to say. Most of the time, he tried to use the least amount of words possible to get his point across, so you knew that he meant it.
"You both complete me, and for once, I finally have the courage to say it, because I don't know when I'll get the chance to say it again."
You smiled softly at him, and moved your arm in a way where you could place a soft kiss onto the top of his tiny little worm head.
"I won't leave again. I promise we can talk about it first."
"Talking is good."
"I love you, V."
"I love you too." He seemed to pause as he shot a glance up to Eddie, just to make sure he was still asleep, "More than that guy."
"Not possible." Eddie groaned, adjusting a little.
You smiled a little as you curled up under the blanket and actually shut your eyes for good for the night. Finally, a good night's rest. You still had doubts, maybe not many and none as big and frightening as before, but that was normal.
Not everything in life is a given or a certainty. You're not promised to tomorrow and it's not a give that you'll be a millionaire. But where you are now is where you're supposed to be. Don't doubt it. The two halves of your heart will quite literally walk to the ends of the universe just to see you smile, and that's more than enough for you.
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cafedanslanuit · 3 years
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♡   —   pairing: eren x reader
♡   —   tags/warnings: mentions of cheating and alcohol. side aruani and yumihisu. honestly just a feel-good fic, with humour and fluff <3
♡   —   a/n:  honestly, this is the most “romantic comedy” fic i’ve ever written and i love it <3 shout out to @ofoceansandtombstones​ that beta read this one mwah thank u
♡   —   masterlist
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There was an ill taste in your mouth that wouldn’t go away, no matter how many drinks you had. And you already had more than a few. From your spot on the table, you could see your friends dancing and having the time of their lives. You really wished you could join them. Nevertheless, you had wasted all your energy forcing a smile and clapping along during the ceremony. Once you had arrived at the hotel reception with the rest of the guests, you had slid a bill to a kind waitress and told her to keep the drinks coming. 
Ymir and Historia were dancing in front of you. Stoic, sour-faced Ymir couldn’t help but smile as her sweet girlfriend twirled and giggled, her cheeks red and eyes just the tiniest bit unfocused. Next to them, Sasha, Jean and Connie were owning the dance floor, moving in sync to the happy music. A grin formed on your face as you saw Connie lifting Sasha up and her almost falling to the floor. Jean was holding his stomach as he laughed loudly.
On a nearby table, Mikasa looked over at them, a small smile on his lips. She was sitting next to her girlfriend, who was holding her hand as they watched their friends dance. You saw her girlfriend leaning over to her and whispering something in her ear, to which she chuckled. It was so strange -and so beautiful- to see Mikasa laugh that it took you aback. And apparently, also the girl she was with, because her lips slightly parted as she watched her in awe.
“How’s the party animal doing?”
You looked up and saw Eren staring down at you with a funny expression. He was wearing black dress pants and a white shirt. The first two buttons were undone, and he was carrying his suit jacket over his shoulder and a beer on his other hand.
“Someone’s gotta keep an eye out for everyone,” you replied with a shrug. Eren scoffed and took the seat next to you on the empty table, leaving his jacket on the nearest chair.
“I mean, I know attending your ex’s wedding isn’t bound to be a good time, but you’d think you would try to put on a happy face.”
You rolled your eyes. “Hey, at least I’m here.”
“After Mikasa tried her best to convince you during a whole week,” he said. You turned your head to Eren, eyes wide open. “What? Of course she told me.”
“That little… That’s it, I’m going to tell her girlfriend about that one time Mikasa got drunk with us,” you muttered angrily, standing up. Eren was quicker and pulled you back to your seat.
“You and Armin broke up a year ago. Why are you so upset he’s moving on?”
Before you could answer, the music stopped and the dance floor erupted in applause. Eren and you watched as Armin and Annie walked in between their guests, greeting everyone as they made their way to the bride and groom table, covered with a pearl cloth and decorated with the finest flowers. Every detail screamed elegance and you knew Armin had been the one to decide most of it. It had his taste written in every napkin and strategically placed flower.
Armin’s smile was almost too big for his face and if you had to guess, those small red marks on the external corner of his eyes meant he had been crying just a few minutes ago. You rolled your eyes. So sentimental. On the other hand, Annie’s smile was far less noticeable, but for someone who always repressed her public displays of emotions as much, that little smile must have felt heavenly to her new husband.
Husband. You took a big gulp of your drink.
“I’m telling you this because I care for you,” Eren said, redirecting your attention to him. “You’re looking like a petty ex.”
“Rather be petty than a cheater,” you shrugged, finishing your drink. You gestured to the waitress and she immediately walked to you, handing you a full glass. Thanking her, you wasted no time in taking a sip.
Eren’s eyebrows were deeply furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“Armin never told you why we broke up, right?”
Eren scooted his chair closer to you and you bit back a laugh.
“He said you just weren’t good together,” he said, trying to remember his friend’s words. “And you said something similar when I asked you back then. Where does this ‘cheating’ thing come from?”
You let out a long sigh. “Maybe it wasn’t cheating. Not by definition, at least. But when your boyfriend starts dating someone else a week after you broke up a two-year-long relationship and he gets engaged four months later… you draw your own conclusions,” you explained, taking another sip of your drink and making a grimace. “Fuck, this one’s strong.”
After not getting a response from Eren for a long moment, you finally turned to look for his emerald eyes. You could almost see the numbers flying around his mind, trying to make sense of everything you had just told him. It was endearing.
“Wait, no-- wait,” Eren gestured at you with his hand. He stopped himself again and took a sip of his beer. “The first time Armin told me about Annie was in February. I remember it clearly. We were shopping for Mikasa’s birthday gift and then he went to pick something for Annie. And you guys broke up around Halloween, that’s the time I found you crying-- in Jean's backyard during our costume party.”
“We had a big fight at that party. We hadn’t broken up,” you clarified with a smirk. “He broke up with me after Mikasa’s birthday party. The same party he convinced me not to attend.”
Eren’s face dropped once all the pieces clicked together. He turned his body to look at the bride and groom table, where Armin and Annie were taking a sip of their champagne glasses and talking to each other enthusiastically, while the rest of their guests kept dancing.
“That son of a bitch,” he breathed out. You burst out laughing at his reaction. “No, I mean it! I really thought you had broken up during that Halloween party! You didn’t upload any more photos together, I don’t even remember even seeing you together--”
“I told you, we were fighting and… not in the mood for photos or public dates. Most of those months were spent at his apartment, fighting over really, really stupid things or just not texting each other for days,” you explained. “Honestly, when he broke up with me he made the decision I was too afraid to take. He was right, we weren’t good for each other anymore. But... fuck,” you chuckled icily. “I wish he would have broken up with me before getting with Annie.”
Eren listened in silence, his eyes still on his friend. You gave him time as you kept drinking, your gaze drifting to your friends again. You really wished you could have the energy to join them and forget Armin and Annie. It was true you didn’t love him anymore, yet seeing them together only made you remember how you had been fooled by someone you thought loved you the most.
You had had many dates ever since, but no one ever stuck. It was fun, getting someone’s attention for a couple of weeks, but then you couldn’t help but ghost them, putting up shitty excuses like wanting to focus on yourself and not having enough time to spare with them. You had lost so many amazing opportunities with both boys and girls that a couple of months ago you had decided to stop dating at all. It was lonely for sure, but at least you didn’t find yourself feeling guilty for not being able to open yourself up emotionally for someone else.
“Want to get back at him?”
You turned to Eren so fast you almost hurt your neck.
“What?”
“I have an idea. Just play along,” he explained, standing up.
“Eren, hey, what are you--”
“Everybody! If you could give me a minute please!”
You watched horrified as your friends started turning to you and Eren, confused at the commotion. Eren kept waving his hand, gathering more and more people’s attention, Armin and Annie included. He even gestured to the DJ to lower the music and she complied. In a few seconds, all the guests of the party were looking at you, who was still sitting down with a confused expression, a drink in your hand. Once he deemed enough people were looking at him, you saw him fumbling with his hands nervously.
“Eren,” you called for him again in a whisper, but all he did was take the drink you had in your hands and put it on the table.
“Sorry for interrupting, I know a lot of you were having a lot of fun dancing. But all I’m asking is one minute of your time. I hope that’s okay with you guys,” he grinned back to the bride and groom table, where they were as confused as all the guests around. “I have something really important to say.”
“Eren, no, you can’t tell them about--”
“No, no, give me a moment,” he hushed you again. The DJ walked to both of you and handed an inalambric microphone to Eren.
You didn’t like how devilish his smile turned.
“Great, thanks, this is much better,” he told the DJ, who just kindly smiled at him. “Anyway, I don’t want to take much of the bride and groom’s time, so I’ll try to be concise. The thing is…” he said, turning to face you. “I love you.”
Your mouth flew open as you heard multiple gasps coming from the guests. Yet, you couldn’t bother with looking anywhere but Eren’s eyes. What was he doing? Since when did he have feelings for you? If he wanted to say something, he could have easily said something a few minutes ago, when--
Just play along.
Oh.
Your questioning glare turned into a big smile and you noticed Eren softly nodding at you.
“You already know how much I love you. Honestly, I never get tired of telling you so. And hiding our love from our friends has probably been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Sorry about that, Mikasa,” he said, gesturing to the woman.
You could imagine your friend’s dumbfounded face, but you knew better than to turn and check for yourself. You knew you wouldn’t be able to hold in your laughter.
“So I’m here in front of all our friends and some other guests I don’t know to ask a simple question.”
In a swift movement, Eren got down on one knee. Your hand flew to cover your mouth, trying your best to hide any trace of laughing on your face. The flash of the cameras startled you for a moment, but that only meant Eren’s plan was working. The excited murmurs and squeals only fueled Eren, as he pulled up a ring and showed it to you. You immediately recognized it as one of the rings he had been wearing a few moments ago. 
“Would you marry me?”
A huge, honest grin made its way to your face and you nodded quickly. You grabbed the microphone Eren was holding and spoke right into it.
“Yes, I’ll marry you!”
You hadn’t listened to a crowd erupting in applause and cheers as loud as the guests at Armin’s wedding when Eren slid his ring on your finger. Once again, the flash of the cameras were right into the both of you as you leaped into his arms. He stood up while holding your body close to him, even giving you a small spin and you buried your face in the crook of his neck.
When he finally put you down, the music resumed and all your friends began running to the both of you.
“You’re fucking crazy,” you whispered to Eren, holding his face between your hands. He laughed.
“Kinda ruined the reception, huh?”
“When the fuck did this happen?” Jean inquired as soon as he reached you.
“Dude, why didn’t you tell us?” Sasha whined, with a small pout. “But congratulations!” she quickly followed, hugging you tightly. As you hugged her back, you felt someone taking the hand that was now wearing Eren’s ring.
“This is one of your rings,” she noted, shooting Eren a dirty glance. He lifted his hands in surrender.
“Hey, I didn’t plan this! But I will get her a prettier one soon,” he said, winking at you. You laughed and shook your head.
“Nah, I like this one,” you replied. You shared a knowing grin and soon it was Connie’s turn to hug you.
While you were hugging your friend back, you saw in the corner of your eye Armin getting up from the table and starting to walk to both of you. Your smile immediately vanished from your face and once Eren caught it and followed your eye trail, he understood the reason why. You heard him mutter a curse before he pulled you from Connie’s embrace.
“Well, we’d love to stay, but my fiancée and I want some time alone.”
“C’mon, you haven’t told us yet how you got together!” Sasha complained.
“Next time, we promise,” you hurriedly assured her.
Eren picked his suit jacket from the table and before Armin could reach your group, you quickly walked away, exiting the hotel. Eren whistled to a taxi and you jumped inside, telling the man behind the wheel to drive. Loud laughter filled the vehicle as soon as it began moving.
“How-- how did you even have this idea?” you asked him, holding your stomach as you laughed. “Dude, Armin looked so upset, we totally stole his thunder.”
“That was the plan,” Eren shrugged, a winning smirk on his lips. “Knowing the gang, everybody’s going to be talking about us and the engagement for the rest of the party.”
“Remind me to never have you as an enemy,” you chuckled, leaning back on the car seat. Letting out a long sigh, you took off Eren’s ring and handed it to him.
He shook his head. “Nah, keep it. As a souvenir of today,” he winked.
“Thank you,” you smiled. You put the ring on your thumb this time, since it was too big for your ring finger anyway. “You didn’t have to do this at all, and yet--”
“It’s okay,” he assured you.
“No, really. It’s just-- I’ve been having a tough time since the breakup,” you admitted. “To have you doing this for me means a lot. Makes me feel someone really cares for me. I never said anything to anyone back then because Annie is also a part of the group and I thought…”
Eren leaned his head towards you.
“You thought…?”
“I thought you would pick her too. It’s stupid, I know,” you shrugged, turning your head to Eren. “But Armin had just broken up with me and a week later he was already in public with Annie. Back then, I thought everyone knew we had just broken up and if no one had said anything was because they didn’t care. So I just… stopped hanging out with all of you as much as I did before.”
“Yeah, I noticed that,” he muttered.
“You did?”
Eren nodded. “That’s why I asked Mikasa to pressure you into coming to the wedding. I hadn’t seen you in a while.”
“You could have just asked me to hang out, you know,” you teased him. Eren chuckled, pushing some of his loose hairs behind his ear.
“I think we know by now I don’t take the conventional route.”
“Yeah, all of the guests know that too,” you quipped, making both of you laugh.
This time, when the laughter came to an end, you realized how close your faces were. Your noses were almost brushing as you both were lying your heads on the back of the car seat. You looked into Eren’s emerald eyes and noticed he wasn’t looking away from yours either. Was it the alcohol that made his cheeks turn a lovely shade of pink? If it was, then you could say the warmth crawling up your face was its fault too. It had to be the alcohol, or else, you would have to also ponder about the reason your heart was beating out of your chest at having your friend so close to you. He was handsome, he had always been and you knew this. But why were you losing all your composure just now?
A brief look at Eren's lips gave your thoughts away and, in less than two seconds, he was pressing his lips against yours.
For a spur-of-the-moment kiss, as you thought this one was, it was rather soft. Eren kissed you as if he thought you were the most expensive and fragile thing he had ever seen. But of course, this was just a product of the adrenaline and the fact that -as far as you knew- he hadn’t been dating anyone as well, right?
Your small theory crashed and burnt when you felt his hand softly cradling the side of your face. No. This wasn’t an adrenaline kiss, neither one that you gave without a thought. Maybe it had been unprompted and maybe you hadn’t seen it coming, but it sure as hell seemed he did. Eren’s lips gilded against your with ease, revealing a soft tenderness you didn’t know he possessed. You kissed him back, matching his rhythm as you softly pressed your hand against his chest.
Eren pulled away from you softly, and if his longing eyes were any indicator, a bit reluctantly.
“Hi,” he breathed out, making you grin widely.
“Hi,” you replied. You gently caressed his cheek with the knuckles of the hand that was previously resting on his chest. Eren took it and kissed your palm, making your heart flutter.
“Sorry to interrupt kids, but where are we heading?”
The voice of the taxi driver startled you, making you pull away from Eren. He chuckled at your reaction and then looked back at the man.
“Take us to that pizza place near the central park. Gotta have a celebratory dinner with my fiancée,” he said cheekily, taking your hand into his. You squeezed his hand back, his ring digging a little on your skin.
“So young and engaged already? Congrats!” the driver said, turning left and heading towards the direction Eren had given him.
“Thank you!” you smiled brightly at Eren while he took your joint hands to his mouth and placed a kiss on your knuckles.
A part of you knew you weren’t taking that ring off anytime soon.
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willowedwisteria · 2 years
Note
ok ok i’ve never interacted with you before b u t i had an idea and i had to share with the class feel free to ignore this lmao
so imagine for the villain au, eula, who might’ve been your main before you got transported there and would probably have the strongest connection to you and would recognize you almost immediately, seeing you being mistreated so openly in the streets and it enrages her because she can handle all the insults and beatings directed at her, but insulting (or god forbid hurting) her god is insulting everything she stands for and mark her words, she will have vengeance for this! …but first, she should probably make sure you’re ok and get you feeling better. oh but don’t fret! as soon as you give her the go ahead, not a single person in the whole of mondstat will be spared from her icy rage for their treacherous crimes against her god!
⁂~Icicles Born of Rage~⁂
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Summary -> The ask above! (Context is Villain! AU if I'm not wrong)
Note -> Vengeance and justice will be served with the power of Eula's cryo vision and skills!
Genre -> Angst?
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A blizzard,
Eula watches you in an alleyway, alone, scared, terrified for your own life. She can almost feel your emotions.
'Will a survive to see another day?'
'Why does everyone hate me?'
'Did I do something wrong?'
Eula looks at herself when she sees you shivering in a corner, outcast and ostracized from society. She is reminded of herself, how she was never treated fairly just because of her bloodline.
Eula feels pity grow in her heart for you, stepping up to you as she offers you the loaf of bread she has in her hand.
"Come on now, you'll freeze in these conditions."
You look up to her, her eyes staring back at you as you feel lady luck smiling down on you. You grab the piece of bread by your fingers, pushing yourself up from the ground with the little energy you have left and munching down on the food.
You smile at the Spindrift Knight, a hand on your heart as you finish the loaf of bread, thanking her for her assistance.
That was the moment a churning feeling boiled in her gut. She senses the divine aura around you, this serene feeling that could warm her heart, that could understand her troubles and acknowledge her deeds.
"Your... grace?" She mumbles under her breath, a hand cupping one side of your face as she dusts off the dirt on your face.
With the more clear view of your face, she recognizes you and your celestial being. Your uncanny resemblance to her god couldn't be copied to this extent.
In a moment of silence, she hugs you both of her arms around your waist while you shriek softly in surprise at Eula letting you into her embrace.
"Eula, if you think I'm this... 'your grace' person, then you must be wrong. If I really was, I wouldn't be treated so terribly, less than human in fact."
Eula pulls herself back at your words, putting both of her hands on your shoulders.
"No, your grace. I'm sure that you are my god, no one could resemble such a seraphic aura."
Eula mentions, clearing her throat before taking a step back. Eula kneels down on the ground, balancing her figure on one knee with one hand on her chest.
"Eula Lawerence, the Spindrift Knight, at your service, your grace."
You looked at her in awe and shock at the same exact time. You someone, much less the Spindrift Knight herself, bowing down to you and seeing you as a God.
However, you couldn't really focus on that right now. Sooner or later, the injuries you've sustained and the need to quench your thirst and hunger will return. However, you have other plans for Eula before she helps you with anything.
You crouched next to Eula, a more sinister smirk plastered on your face as you cup her face in your hands.
"Eula, let's test your loyalty. Would you mind causing a bit of destruction here and there?"
With your words ringing in your ears, she looks up with you before nodding eagerly, ready to prove her devotion towards you. Plus, she does have to take out her anger on the citizens of Mondstadt for mistreating her God.
A blizzard, a storm,
The horrified screams of the people of Mondstadt were music to your ears. You could almost recall how badly you were treated. The bruises, the permanent scars, it was all a painful yet meaningful reminder of what you were able to survive through.
Snow built up in the city of Mondstadt as the waters in fountains froze, reacting to the dropping temperatures. You could feel your fingers shaking out of pure delight at the other knights facing Eula in despair.
"Eula! What are you doing?!" Jean screams at her as Eula turns to face Jean, a cold look in her eyes, a void without life or the regard for life.
"I believed in you, but you have proved me wrong," Jean shouts, summoning her sword as the snow blinds her surroundings, turning Mondstadt into an icy battlefield.
Eula holds her claymore in the air, ready to strike at the Grandmaster. "You have no one to blame other than your citizens and yourself," Eula remarks, as cryo borders her claymore like a deadly dance of death.
Eula and Jean begin their battle as comments of disappointment are thrown back and forth.
A blizzard, a storm, a tempest of ice,
"Vengeance will be mine!"
Eula knocks Jean out, a small sigh on her face as she readies herself to continue her reign of chaos. She gives her condolences to the Dandelion Knight before fading into the snowstorm she has created.
Eula readies herself to face off more knights, a strong grip on her claymore. Her heart filled with determination and even excitement for serving her God.
Unluckily for her, it isn't as easy to pull a nation into chaos as she originally thought.
A blizzard, a storm, a tempest of ice, a mix of emotions.
The crunching of snow catches your attention as you notice Eula's knocked-out body in the possession of those unscrupulous Knight of Favonius.
You sigh. She had been caught. You were worried for her, you couldn't see her from the high towers enclosing Mondstadt.
Kaeya, Venti, Amber, Diluc, Lisa, and even Jean was awake again, discovering that the mastermind behind all of this disaster was in fact you.
"Imposter, not only have you mocked the divine one, but you have thrown Mondstadt into disarray, tricking Eula to your vile bidding."
You ignore the words of the Knights, a look of gratitude directed at Eula as you stroll over to her unconscious body, patting her on the head and running your fingers through her hair.
You fall into the debt of Eula, thanking her for her actions and faith in you. You don't know if you truly are a god, but you've enacted revenge thanks to her.
"Well... could you really blame me?"
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Tag list: @xyliope, @under-a-starry-night, @lunavixia, @bardisipatos, @yourfaveisblack, @irethepotato, @anfre109, @darling-rikafu, @hydrxngex, @The-Psychotic-Blueberry, @Hydrxngex, @ellethesmolbutnotreally
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95 notes · View notes
makeste · 3 years
Text
BnHA Chapter 316: We've Had One, Yes, But What About Second Explosion
Previously on BnHA: Deku was all “[powers up like whoa because it’s time to end the fight]”, and he saved Overhaul from getting not-shot, and then smashed up Nagant’s arm with the power of his new rechargeable super knees. Nagant was all “yoooo this kid is crazy strong whaaaat, it’s like he’s some kind of protagonist or something.” Deku was all “I AM A PROTAGONIST, ACTUALLY, DO YOU WANT TO JOIN FORCES AND FIGHT BAD GUYS WITH ME?” Nagant was all “ah shit why the hell no -- ” and then AFO was all “SURPRISE” and everyone was all “?!?!?!” and AFO was all “TIME TO EXPLODE NOW” and made Nagant explode because he’s an absolute fucking dick. And then Hawks showed up, because Horikoshi just wanted to stuff as many plot points as humanly possible into a single chapter I guess.
Today on BnHA: Hawks is all “good job giving motivational shounen redemption speeches Deku but I’ll take it from here” and screams very earnestly right in Nagant’s face until she finally wakes up. Nagant is all “oh hey it’s my successor, you seem surprisingly unfucked-up from your own HPSC tenure, how did you manage that?” Hawks is all “fandom is going to love hearing this one, but basically it’s because I’m very upbeat and also I had the world’s best role model Endeavor to look up to,” and I swear this man stirs the pot on purpose, but damn it I still love him so damn much. Overhaul is all “HELLO AGAIN, JUST A REMINDER THAT, THE BOSS!!” and Deku is all “MAYBE TAKE TWO SECONDS TO REFLECT ON HOW YOU TORTURED A LITTLE GIRL,” which, thank you, lol. Nagant is all “btw AFO’s hiding in a house in the woods”, and so Deku and the gang go to the house in the woods. Video recording!AFO is all “hi I’m AFO welcome to Jackass” and blows up the house. Sometimes I wonder if this manga is just a weird dream.
I am once again reading the Bean version because I think it was actually the best out of all three translations last week. and that is surprisingly including Viz’s. “faux” is not nearly as entertaining as “knockoff”, and also I have literally no idea why Caleb thought Deku was saying the Third’s lines lol
oh hey, Endeavor’s here too! not that you’d ever be able to tell from this first panel lmao
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glad you received All Might’s call, mysterious unidentified glowing smudge
oh snap he says he’s weaker in the rain. is that why AFO told Nagant to attack then?? except that as we discussed the other day, I believe that AFO fully intended for Nagant to lose the fight, so him giving her info that would give her an advantage doesn’t really fit in with that. maybe he wanted Deku to be separated from Endeavor and the rest for maximum angst, though
btw Deku’s eyes are unsurprisingly back to the new normal here
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alas, the angst continues. I say, pretending like I’m not totally eating it up each and every week and writing essay after essay about it lol
anyway so apparently Hawks can’t actually fly lmao. he was just yeeting himself with style
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for some reason this is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen omfg. wave to Hawks, kids! say “bye, Hawks!”
j/k of course Deku is catching them. -- except???
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wow so he was just running on fumes there at the end. well, good to know there is actually a limit to his shenanigans, particularly regarding this new “knockoff” 100% OFA. it will definitely not alleviate any of the discourse, but it’s good for my own peace of mind because it’s solid confirmation that he still needs his pals in order to win this thing
anyway, but on to the rest of this conversation, which is basically Deku deducing what we all deduced last week -- AFO implanted some sort of trap into Nagant when he gave her Air Walk. though I’d still like to get the actual details from AFO and/or Horikoshi, because this was particularly wild even by quirk standards lol
omgggggg
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she still has a face after all!! so it’s confirmed, Horikoshi has no idea what “blowing up” actually means. we might have guessed, based on what happened to Toga in the MVA arc, and also based on everything Katsuki does ever, but shhh
so now Hawks is all “NAGANT PLEASE WAKE UP, IF I SHOUT MY NAME AT YOU WILL THAT DO THE TRICK”
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this is actually kind of touching though because even though we all know (or most of us acknowledge at any rate) that Hawks is a pretty caring person, it’s rare to see him actually panic over someone’s welfare like this
oh shit Horikoshi is really doubling down on it
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I wonder how much Hawks knew about what really happened between Nagant and the HPSC. regardless, he probably sees her as a kindred spirit of sorts, and I’m more than happy for Deku to pass the redemption torch onto him now that he’s on the scene. like no offense Deku but they actually know each other and stuff lol
DAMMIT NAGANT CAN’T YOU SEE HOW LOUD HE IS YELLING
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apparently being freed from his HPSC shackles has finally given Hawks the space to embrace his own inner shounen protagonist. is there anything more shounen than trying to motivationally scream someone awake when they’re lying in your arms inches from death?? 100% guaranteed to work
!!! IS THIS NAGANT’S POV OMG
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SO SHE IS ALIVE. THANK GOD. Horikoshi doesn’t want to meet with my emotional distress lawyer today after all
love how she’s all “just gonna stir up the weekly Hawks Discourse pot here by implying that he probably committed a lot of Atrocities just like I did, so now people can get all hopped up about that, even though there’s no evidence he’s ever killed anyone aside from that one horrible ‘damned-if-you-do...’ situation with Twice.” no one asked for your provocative speculation young lady!! trust me Nagant, our rabbles don’t need the rousing lol
but nice save there with the “so how are your eyes so untainted” well you see it’s because even when he was following the HPSC’s orders he always went to great lengths never to go against his own moral compass. which just to be clear was incredibly difficult, and led to a ton of pain and suffering on his part, because the life of a spy is basically just one impossible situation after another. but in spite of that he never stopped trying to do his best to help people. I don’t really know where this tangent came from or is leading to, lol, but anyway p.s.a. I love Hawks a lot and he’s a good kid dammit
oh shit??!?
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how is the League always able to swing all these fancy forest mansions. where do they find them. how many do they have
so Deku’s dropping them -- very roughly, not sure if he was reacting to finally getting AFO’s location, or if his energy really is giving out -- and now Nagant’s saying that AFO hired other villains as well. well of course he did. gotta keep chipping away at OFA’s ninth successor little by little
now Nagant is asking Hawks how he’s able to keep making “that” face. I assume she’s again talking about the fact that he somehow didn’t let the HPSC wear down his spirit
oh my god???
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thanks for stuffing this chapter to the brim with good nutritional Hawks Feels, Horikoshi. what a good. he just keeps on trudging forward undeterred no matter what bullshit comes his way. what a steadfast little guy. I WILL PROTECT YOU FROM DISCOURSE MY SWEET SUNSHINE
lmaoooo
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“SPOTTED THIS DUDE JUST CHILLING OUT THERE ON THE ROOF WITH NO ARMS, SEEMED PRETTY SUS” good job Endeavor
anyway so you don’t really need me to tell you that Overhaul is immediately starting in with the “BUT THE BOSS WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE ME TO THE BOSS YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD TAKE ME TO THE BOSS” stuff again. but I will go ahead and tell you anyway. so yeah. he’s doing that
OMG YOU GUYS LOOK AT DEKU’S “of all the fucking assholes to just randomly drop in on my life once again why did it have to be you” FACE THOUGH, OMG
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fun fact, if you go back to chapters 124 through 160, there was an entire story arc where Overhaul imprisoned and tortured a little girl. yeah, I know!! suuuuuuuuper evil. anyways just an interesting little anecdote for you all that’s somewhat relevant to the current situation
OMG, YES. FUCK YES, DEKU
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THEN WHAT ABOUT SPARING ONE FOR HER!!! YES!!! EXACTLY!!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, SOMEONE GETS IT
HERE’S THE PANEL OF DEKU SAYING THE EXACT SAME THING I’M SAYING LOL
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(ETA: so apparently there’s some discourse about this because some people are interpreting this as Deku saying “you should apologize to Eri”, which would obviously be a terrible idea even if Overhaul actually wanted to do that, because Eri shouldn’t ever have to see him again. however I just want to point out that there is a HUGE difference between saying “it would be nice if you could direct that feeling of regret/being sorry towards Eri as well”, vs saying “you should also apologize to her.” all Deku is doing is rightfully pointing out that Overhaul has hurt way more people than just his boss, and if he really is remorseful, then he should extend those feelings of remorse to Eri and the rest as well. it’s not a directive to take any specific action, and I’m 1000% sure no one at U.A. would let Overhaul within 100 miles of Eri ever again.
tl;dr “try feeling remorse sometime” =/= “do you want me to fly you over to U.A. right now to surprise the little girl you traumatized”, lol.)
[slings an arm around Deku’s shoulders] you’re a good kid. I like you. I don’t know if I tell you that enough, but it’s true
meanwhile here is Overhaul’s “spare... a thought... for Eri...???????” face sigh
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the struggle is real y’all
(ETA: and that’s... the last we ever saw of Overhaul, I guess? well all right then. I assume Deku will make good on his promise, so we know he’ll get that little bit of closure before going back to jail or whatever, and I confess I’m more than fine with leaving the rest of it open-ended, especially given his character’s history. I think this was pretty generous all things considered.)
lmao holy shit
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All Might what did you do to those tiki torch guys?? did you thrash them. did you give ‘em those hands. did you deliver their own asses to them complete with a sticker reminding them Amazon Prime Day is on June 21. we missed out goddammit
so Endeavor, who wasn’t the one he was asking, is telling him that they captured (well let’s be real, Deku captured, give the credit where it’s due) Nagant and Overhaul. and so I guess they’re going to take Nagant to the ER now
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fire is no one’s weakness
-- oh my GOD I scrolled down and audibly gasped
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[is politely but firmly approached and asked to remove my arm from Deku’s shoulder by the physical manifestation of all this Dekuangst] “we’re sorry, he’s not allowed to have visitors right now” oh shit, my bad. [goes to stand behind a police barricade]
lmao what. did you run out of room on the previous page
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what an exaggerated fade to black lmao
-- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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I actually can’t see what he’s reacting to so maybe I’m just seriously jumping the gun here lol, but THE HELL WITH IT. the next panel appears to be a cut to Haibori Forest, so I’m just gonna go ahead and declare that Deku ran off on his own all wounded to go have more Dekuangst, just like I manifested. now go call Katsuki goddammit
[scrolls three more inches down] oh
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yeah so like I said, Deku is walking very slowly a few feet in front of Endeavor, who’s telling him to wait up. yep. we’ve all gotta be so careful to not just jump to conclusions. I know we’re excited but still
anyway, so! welcome back to Mt. Lady and Kamui Woods (ARE YOU GUYS DATING) and Edgeshot! have fun walking into this obvious trap lol
dammit Deku why are you so determined to tempt fate
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[monkey puppet meme faces]
OH MY GOD THIS IS PURE GRADE-A CHEESY COMIC BOOK VILLAIN 101 SHIT AND I’M HERE FOR IT
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that’s such a weird way of clapping who claps like that
unlike certain other people who shan’t be named, AFO doesn’t feel the need to inexplicably take his shirt off when recording sinister villain monologues. I think we’re all pretty grateful for that
high fives to everyone who called it!! yep yep
anyway so this whole scene has major booby-trap vibes, which I’m enjoying immensely even though I don’t think anything is really going to come of it lol. probably just another long-winded AFO Speech. but wouldn’t it be funny if like the ceiling started lowering down to try and squish Deku afterwards lol
(ETA: well the explosion was still pretty funny too ngl.)
ffff
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[“Dekuangst is the trap” intensifies]
anyway so yeah. he’s just hitting up all of his usual villain talking points. we get it, you’re so smart and you see right through the thin veneers of society and people who don’t conform are left to fend for themselves and labeled as villains and history is written by the victors, and blah blah blah dude are you just jumping randomly from one soundbyte to another lol. literally what are you talking about. what does this have to do with you blowing up Nagant
-- holy shit??
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[”Dekuangst is the trap” intensifies MORE?????]
LOL WHAT
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BRO. WHAT IS WITH YOU. DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO LAY ANY OTHER KIND OF FUCKING TRAP GOOD LORD
“YOU’RE NEXT” THE CALLBACK?? THE PARALLELS?? THOUGH WHEN ALL MIGHT POINTED HE MADE IT LOOK WAY COOLER. AFO’S POINTING JUST LOOKS LIKE SMOKEY THE BEAR
HAS ANYONE CHECKED IN ON KAMUI WOODS I HEAR HE IS WEAK TO FIRE?? THE ONLY ONE WHO IS, APPARENTLY
r.i.p. to this particular forest mansion. don’t worry they have a ton of backups
remember last week when I said maybe AFO thinks explosions are gauche. well never mind. he fucking loves explosions
anyway so that’s the end of BnHA, everyone. hope you enjoyed. it was a good ride while it lasted. see you all, good luck in your travels
401 notes · View notes
ericspinkhair · 3 years
Text
dirty thoughts from a distance
pairing: dom!changmin x virgin!reader, best friends to lovers, college au!
synopsis: you masturbate while thinking of your best friend and he catches you moan out his name
word count: 3.8k
warnings: maybe slight angst, (getting caught) masturbating, mutual masturbation, sex in general ig
a/n: y'all are crazyy! it has barely been 19 days and I have already hit 100 followers🤧 thank you guys so much for your support and sending in requests!!! everytime I see leave me nice messages I feel so encouraged to keep on writing even though there is still a lot of room to improve and I am not always completely satisfied with what I create. I wish all of you a great day and hope that you stay happy and healthy!!
this chapter is especially dedicated to @bangcrispychannie​ and anon who requested this kind of scenario ❤️
masterlist + requests
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for three years you wondered why you hadn't lost your virginity yet. it's not like you didn't have enough opportunities since you had been in two relationships so far, both lasted about five to seven months.
the feelings in your first relationship were been mostly one-sided however.
when a guy in your biology class named Minho confessed his crush for you, you thought that the only logical next step was to become a couple. you were quite flattered that he had taken such an interest in you and believed and hoped you would eventually develop feelings for him as well. the problem was you didn't. after not being able to be emotionally let alone physically intimate with him for a few months into your relationship, he finally confronted you and you confessed that you just couldn't bring yourself to see him that way. your relationship came to an end just before becoming a senior in high school.
in your last year, you got close with Seonghwa. you were seat neighbors in your english class and you'd chat all the time. he was perfectly sweet, smart and funny and you instantly got along just fine. you developed an interest in him and he seemed to feel the same way. he asked you out with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and some chocolate and you agreed to being his girlfriend without much thought. you caught yourself falling in love with this boy and didn't shy away from physical affection such as kissing and holding hands. you were convinced you were ready to give yourself to him during prom night but when it came to it you chickened out. a couple of hours before, you had found out that your best friend changmin had broken up with his girlfriend of six months.
for a long time you hadn't been able to decipher why you hadn't slept with Seonghwa then. as time passed, the unpleasant answer became clearer and clearer: you had brought up your hopes.
you had been best friends with changmin basically since you started elementary school. on the first day, he scared you with a stupid horror mask he had sneaked in from home and made you cry. he felt so guilty and was determined to make it up to you and to become friends. you had been inseparable ever since.
when he got his first girlfriend in junior year you were devastated. you convinced yourself that the reason for that was that you had been scared he was going to replace you as his best friend but in reality you had felt jealousy.
you were suppressing your feelings because if you confessed, things might become awkward. there was no way changmin could ever like you the same way.
all of this became more difficult as you moved in together for college. you were sharing an apartment now and every day, it became harder to avoid your growing and troublesome feelings. your heart would beat faster whenever he walked around shirtless (which was most of the time) and you decided to try to ignore him. this was especially difficult since you wanted to appreciate his physique. when had he become this handsome? changmin had been dancing all his life so he had always been fit but now that he was majoring in it and training most of the time, his body had developed and he had become super toned and his abs were more prominent.
he'd often make his way into your dreams and you'd let him do inappropriate things with you. you'd wake up wet and needy and even more confused. you were ashamed of seeing him this way. this was not how one normally thought about their best friend.
it was a wednesday morning and you were eating breakfast when changmin joined you in the kitchen. he flashed you a big smile, making his pretty dimples appear which you didn't see as you did not look at him.
'good morning, y/n!' he greeted you in a good mood. you just grunted in response, intensely staring at the cereal swimming in your bowl.
the fact that you couldn't even spare him a glance hurt changmin but he tried to not let it show. he wanted to get you to talk to him.
'do you want to watch a movie and play some board games today after class?' he proposed. you hadn't spent a lot of time together ever since you had become aware of your feelings.
'I have an essay due tomorrow,' you quickly made up as an excuse. the corners of changmin's mouth twitched but you didn't notice as you were too preoccupied with doing anything that didn't include looking at him.
'then maybe on the weekend. or next-' 'I'll be busy,' you interjected. 'I have lots to do.' you stressed the lots to emphasize there was absolutely no way you would be able to hang out with him any time soon.
'umm… okay. I'll be going to class.' he told you dejected. your heart sank but you didn't respond. he was wondering whether he had done anything to make you upset but he couldn't wrap his mind around it. this had been going on for a while and he was starting to become desperate.
when you first got the apartment you spent every free minute of the day together, happy that you finally moved out and could be with each other 24/7, but then you stopped talking to him completely out of nowhere. from one day to the other, you would avoid leaving your room when he was outside and barely talked to him anymore. at first, changmin thought you were just stressed and that you'd eventually warm up again when exam season came to an end but a few months had passed and, if anything, the situation was even worse than before.
you were watching the time and after ten minutes you decided to leave for classes as well. you had started doing this so you couldn't possibly catch up to him and risk having a conversation.
'hey, y/n, what's up!' your friend chanhee hugged you when you arrived on campus. you were both majoring in fashion design and were getting along on well since the beginning of the first semester.
you sighed exasperatedly. 'changmin's up.' you puffed your cheeks and pouted. chanhee nodded knowingly. he was the only person who was aware of your little secret and that was only because you had accidentally drunk confessed the whole story to him at your first college party.
'you know maybe you should tell him. this whole thing is clearly not making you happy and I saw changmin walk by a few minutes ago. if I had to guess I'd say he was in an even worse mood than you. someone accidentally ran into him and he pushed them hard and called them names. it's not like him to overreact like this. he's usually super collected. I think you finally managed to break his spirit,' chanhee reported to you.
this had never been what you intended. why did everything have to be so difficult? you didn't want to be the cause of your best friend's unhappiness.
'he must feel like I despise him. but I cannot confess to him, that would be the end of our friendship!' you were constantly torn apart by this dilemma.
'well, if you're not gonna act on your feelings, maybe try to move on? find something casual or serious with someone new? then you'd forget all about changmin and you'd be able to go back to acting normal around him' he suggested.
chanhee's advice didn't sound too bad. if you couldn't get with changmin then you had to de-crush yourself and find somebody different to focus your emotional energy on. but on who?
'is there anyone you could think of?' you ask chanhee. he had great taste in practically everything so you highly valued his opinion.
'hmm, you could potentially try younghoon hyung? I've seen him eyeing you for weeks now and he even told me thinks your gorgeous.' he wiggled his eyebrows teasingly.
younghoon was a pretty art student, whom chanhee knew from high school. you didn't talk to him often, mostly at parties and he wasn't exactly your type but you tried to remember shouldn't judge him by his first impression when you haven't even got to know him.
chanhee pulled out his phone and soon you felt yours vibrate in your back pocket. you looked at him questioningly.
'I sent you his number in case you're interested,' he explained proudly. he put his hand on your shoulder and you could see the concern in his eyes. 'you really need to get over changmin if don't want to confess,' he insisted firmly.
so you decided to text younghoon during class. he was very polite and you thought he was cute as he seemed excited to talk to you. you agreed to hang out sometime to get to know each other and decided to meet up friday for dinner.
after the end of your classes, you walked home to warm up yesterday's leftovers. to your dismay, changmin had also decided to come home for once. since you began acting all weird and refused to eat with him, he usually spent lunch time with his dance mates as they had practice after anyway. why had he decided to come here today? your question was answered when he ran up to you, smiling from ear to ear and you noticed he was hiding something behind his back.
'you know how there is a blackpink concert downtown on friday? guess what!' he held up two tickets. surely you would at least agree to spend time with him if it meant being able to see your favorite group, right?
he must have gone through so much trouble to get tickets for you and since blackpink were your favorite music artists you were actually contemplating on going but then you remembered you had made plans.
'I can't. I'm going out with younghoon friday night.'
'kim younghoon?' he raised an eyebrow skeptically.
'why would you to be spending time together? I didn't know he was even talking to you,' he questioned you. anger was boiling inside of you.
'maybe it's because you don't know everything about me,' you snapped at him. you were aware that you were being harsh but somehow his words hurt you. why did he doubt you? did he think you weren't able to get with someone as awesome and popular as younghoon? did he not consider you pretty enough?
the microwave beeped, indicating your food was ready, making you snap out of your thoughts.
'y/n, I swear, that's not what I meant.' he stepped directly in front of you so you were forced to look at him. you stared deep into his pleading eyes as you closed the microwave door, turned your back to him, stomped to your room and slammed the door shut, leaving changmin behind in the kitchen.
your whole body was tense as you listened closely to any sounds coming from outside and felt relieved when you heard the front door close. feeling sad and depressed always made you feel tired so you decided to take a nap to forget about all the negative feelings.
when you woke up you were horny af. you had a dream about changmin taking you on the kitchen counter and now your panties were completely soaked with your arousal.
desperate, you pulled them down and tossed them somewhere to the side. it didn't matter. you needed relief now.
you closed your eyes as you slowly started rubbing your clit, imagining it was changmin's slender fingers touching you instead. your imagination was running wild and you sped up the tempo.
eventually, you plunged your middle finger and then your index finger inside you, pretending that changmin was stretching your walls with his cock.
you moaned loudly and picked up the pace, chasing your high. oh, how much you wished he was the one making you come.
'yes?' you opened your eyes and gasped loudly as you saw changmin watching you from the doorway. you hecticly pulled up your blankets to your chest to cover your naked lower body. for how fucking long had he been standing there?
'oh fuck, changmin...' you cursed out loud.
to your surpise he laughed. 'oh, is this why you have been so distant? were you embarrassed about imagining doing dirty things with me?' your cheeks were burning red and you were unable to move a muscle.
'you know, if you had told me you were thinking of me while doing it then I could've helped you out already. that would have spared both of us a lot of frustration.' he stepped into the room and pulled the sheets away, his hungry eyes fixed on your desperately dripping pussy. you tried to hide it with your hands.
'n-no… what are you saying? aren't we best friends? ' you couldn't comprehend what was happening right now. the way he was acting was so unexpected that you didn't know how to react or what to say. he brushed his hand over your burning cheeks. his eyes were conveying disparity.
'but what if I told you I don't care? that I like you? that I see you as more than just my best friend?'
'wait, you like me?' you couldn't believe your ears. was he actually reciprocating your feelings?
he groaned in exasperation. 'y/n, why did you think I ended things with my ex out of the blue?' you shrugged your shoulders as you weren't sure. you had thought it was because she had lost interest in him, at least that's what changmin had told you back then.
'because I realized I was in love you, you dumbass. how could I be together with someone if I had feelings for someone else?'
'I actually ruined my chances of having sex with seonghwa for the first time for the same reason. it was just after I had found out about the breakup,' you confessed, relieved that you were finally beginning to make sense of everything.
he climbed onto the mattress and positioned his knees next to your closed legs, leaning his hands on the wall behind you so that he was hovering above you.
'I'm sorry that you lost that opportunity. let me make it up to you,' he whispered with his face mere inches from yours and then kissed you. losing all self-restraint, you immediately pulled his body closer so that he was straddling you. after all these months filled with sexual frustration and just frustration in general, you were desperate for his touch. your hands wandered under his dance shirt and you were finally able to touch those abs you had been secretly admiring for so long.
you broke the kiss to take off both of your shirts and changmin skillfully unclasped your bra.
while his tongue was exploring the insides of your mouth, his hands were kneading your breasts, occasionally rubbing and pinching your hardened nipples. you felt his hard dick press against your lower abdomen as he grinded himself into you to get friction.
after having dreamt about this moment for so long, you felt impatient. this was too good to be true and you were scared that if you didn't act quick, your bubble would bust.
without thinking twice about it, you pulled down the hem of his sweatpants and boxers just far enough so you could easily reach inside and whip out his dick. you stopped for a moment to admire his length. it looked even better than you had ever imagined in any of your wildest dreams.
he sat upright, leaning on the wall behind you, while you stroked his cock. he was sensitive to your touch and not shy to show you how well you were doing by responding with moans.
'fuck, y/n. you're doing amazing.' his praise made you eager to show him just how good you could make him feel. your lack of experience was barely noticeable as the adrenaline flowing through your veins was guiding you.
you tapped his thighs to signalize him to inch closer. that way your mouth had easier access to his dick. you hesitantly licked up his length and were fascinated by how he tasted. wanting to have more of it, you swirl your tongue around his pink tip. changmin eventually became impatient and forced more of his dick inside your mouth so you tried to take as much of him as you could but your gag reflex made it difficult for you. instead, you worked your hands where your mouth couldn't do its job.
not wanting you to feel neglected, changmin reached behind him to stimulate your clit. he skillfully started rubbing all the right places and you moaned around him, sending vibrations through his cock.
he couldn't take this stimulation for much longer before he had to force himself to pull out of your mouth.
'wow, you almost made me come there.' he panted heavily. 'but I want to be inside you first.' you got lost in his touch as he placed a long kiss on your lips but a sudden thought brought you back to reality.
'wait, I don't have a condom,' you informed him embarrassed. you hadn't planned to lose your virginity any time soon so you hadn't bought any. did that mean the end of this wonderful dream?
but changmin laughed light heartedly. 'no need to worry. hold up, let me get some from my room.' you relaxed again as he disappeared and came back shortly with a condom wrapper in his hand.
you were prepared for him to start right away and took a deep breath in preparation but he didn't do anything.
'I don't think it's a good idea to start yet since I haven't even prepared you. the last thing I would want to do is hurt you so just lay back.'
he positioned your legs over his shoulders so your hips were hovering in the air. you felt his warm breath against your vagina before he drove his tongue inside you, seeing for himself how wet he had made you and tasting your arousal. you clasped your hands over your mouth to stop yourself from releasing any sounds.
'don't do that. I want to hear how good I make you feel,' changmin complained.
when he slid two fingers inside you, you couldn't hold it in anymore and let out some kind of aroused squeal. you felt self-conscious but it seemed like changmin was only more eager to please you.
at the same time, his tongue was abusing your swollen clit and it was impossible for you to hold back the curses that were spilling out of your mouth. the pleasure he was making you feel was a whole different sensation from anything else you've experienced before.
'more please, changmin!' you begged. you wanted more. you needed more. you needed him.
he carefully lowered your hips back down. 'are you sure you want this?' he asked you, waiting for you to clearly consent to having sex with him.
'I want you. you, and only you,' you reassured him and brought his face closer to kiss him. changmin's typical bright smile formed and you felt the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.
he positioned himself at your entrance, swiping his dick between your folds like a credit card to coat it with your juices.
you gripped his arms tightly as he pushed in. he slowly continued until all of him was buried deep inside you before stopping. the feeling of a whole penis inside of you was very different from your or changmin's fingers. it filled you up to the brim and was rubbing all the good spots. while it initially caused you a bit of discomfort, it wasn't overwhelming and it also felt good in a weird way.
when your walls finished adjusting to his length, he began to steadily move his dick in and out.
changmin intensely studied your face. he couldn't believe that after all those years you were finally close to being his. he wanted to savor every single expression you made while he was inside you.
you wrapped your legs around his torso, trying to push him deeper. he slammed his cock back inside you.
'you are mine,' he declared and started going harder and faster.
'I am yours,' you confirmed and wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him in for a kiss.
because of the extensive foreplay and your own masturbation prior to this, it didn't take long until your walls were tightening around his dick and you felt an orgasm approaching.
driven wild by you clenching around his cock, he thrusted into you even faster. you rested your sweaty foreheads against each other as both of you almost came simultaneously.
changmin kissed the top of your head before he pulled out and threw away the used condom. you opened your arms and he let himself fall right into your embrace.
'I know this might be kind of weird to talk about right now but do you want to be my girlfriend?' Changmin asked you. he still wasn't too sure what all of this meant for your relationship and he desperately needed to know where your mind was at.
'after having liked you for all this time I'd be an idiot to say no.' 'you're an idiot anyway,' he teased. you slapped his arm.
'hey! I'm not the one who ignored you for a couple of months because my hormones are out of control.' you hid your face in the crook of his neck, too embarrassed face him.
'I'm really sorry for that. you just mean so much to me and I didn't want my feelings to get in the way of our friendship.' he stroked your hair.
'I do understand that. if I hadn't heard you moan my name today I wouldn't have acted on my feelings either. but all is good now, right?' 'right.' you smiled and placed a small kiss below his ear.
'there is still one thing you need to do,' changmin tried to remind you. you looked at him, puzzled.
'what do you mean?' 'younghoon,' he hinted. you immediately started looking for your phone. that date was definitely going to have to be cancelled. there was no need for you to find a distraction anymore since you had been granted your wish after all.
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Imagine being Sokka and Katara’s cousin and having a complicated romantic relationship with Zuko.
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Your cousin Sokka had initially set you up with Zuko because he figured the firelord needed some fun and you were exactly that. You weren’t interested in titles or riches you were just an infectious whirlwind of carefree energy. He figured Zuko could learn something from you and so arranged the date.
He could tell by how light Zuko walked into the room the next day that his plan had worked and he liked seeing the positive effect you were having on Zuko. The pressures of the throne had really been weighing down on him and you helped him to get some much-needed freedom and connect with his non-Firelord side....however it always had a way of coming back.
Zuko loved dating you but he’d gotten pressure from every single fire nation noblemen on the council to break up with you. They disliked you because you were from the water tribe so many viewed you as an outsider trying to influence the fire nation. Zuko’s reign was still so new and with rebellions breaking out more frequently Zuko agreed. He had to put his country first even if that meant losing you. One thing Zuko hadn’t realised however was you had a very different view of your relationship...for one thing you didn’t even realise you were in one with the Firelord.
Your POV
Zuko was always pretty tense but you noticed tonight he was even more stressed and quiet. You tried to make conversation but he was sombre throughout dinner and when you’d finished he put his cutlery down and looked across at you. “Y/n I need to speak to you”. You nodded folding your arm “sure, what’s wrong?”. Zuko sighed "Y/n i’ve really enjoyed our time together but i...have to break up with you, I can’t see you anymore". You blinked surprised, one at Zuko’s honesty and two at the news you had apparently been dating the Firelord. You and Zuko weren’t dating or even close to dating, in your mind you’d just been having fun and sure you were definitely not just friends but you also didn’t think you were boyfriend/girlfriend. Regardless of what the label was you quickly realised what Zuko was telling you and it made a heavy weight settle in your stomach. Whatever this between you was...it made you sad to think it would be ending.  "You do?" you asked remaining composed and Zuko nodded. "It’s nothing to do with you it’s me, being firelord i don’t have the time for dating or fun, i don’t think it’s fair to keep this going when I can’t guarantee i’ll always be able to give you my attention". You nodded your head "that sounds fair, thank you for thinking of that". "No problem" Zuko said smiling sadly and you nodded awkwardly. “I’ll be going then” and you went to walk away when he spoke again "but i really enjoyed our time together y/n, i really did". You smiled "me too, you’re pretty fun for a royal" and bowed "see you around firelord” and you walked away.
Zuko’s POV
You walked out of the room and Zuko sighed. He felt a mix between relief and sadness. That had gone a lot easier than he thought it would and that should be a good thing but it didn’t feel that way. A part of Zuko had wanted you to argue with him or to dig to find the real reason he was breaking it off. He knew if you’d have challenged him in even the slightest way he’d have told you the truth and taken back what he’d said but you had just agreed and let it go without a fight. Zuko couldn’t help feeling disappointed and a little hurt. You remained on his mind the rest of the day and Zuko couldn’t stop wondering about your reaction. He was sat with your cousin Sokka when he decided to bring you up. "Just so you know I’ve ended things with y/n" Zuko explained and Sokka blinked "i’m sorry what?". "I know i should’ve warned you seeing as she’s your cousin...i’m sorry". Sokka shook his head "no i’m confused how do you think you were dating her". Zuko blinked "what do you mean? You literally set us up". "I introduced you because i thought y/n could make you loosen up a bit but Zuko y/n doesn’t date". Zuko blinked "but we hung our several times and...kissed and stuff". Sokka sighed "oh god as gross as this is to have to explain about my cousin...Zuko that doesn’t mean you were dating". "It doesn’t?”. Sokka sighed "okay here’s what you need to know about my cousin, she grew up in a town that was heavily sexist and married girls off at young ages, so as times started to change she leapt at the new opportunities. She refused to ever date anyone, it’s too much commitment and so instead she has fun with people, typically for short periods of time and then she flutters away, usually leaving a broken heart or two". Zuko blinked "but we were dating!". "Did you ever agree to make it exclusive?" Sokka asked. Zuko shook his head "well not in words". "Did you ever ask her to be your girlfriend?". "No but i thought it was implied". "Did you ever call her your girlfriend then?". "No i...it was new i didn’t want to come on too strong" Zuko sighed. Sokka patted his back "and there’s the broken heart". "I’m not heartbroken just confused! Why did she let me break up with her if we weren’t even dating?". "Well breakups are awkward, imagine having to explain to someone in the middle of one, that you're not even dating, i bet she did it just to spare your feelings". As soon as those words left his mouth Sokka regretted it. "No i didn’t mean that...i meant". Zuko stood up angrily "it appears i need to find your cousin".
Zuko was furious. He felt like he’d been living two different lives this whole time and that had caused so much stress. One half of him was the teenager who wanted fun, the freedom to go on dates and just be careless. Then the other half of him was the Firelord who knew he had to be responsible. He knew all the elder nobles thought he was too irresponsible and all his friends thought him too boring and conventional. He liked you because you opened him up to new things and made him feel normal. Not too young or too formal, just right, you made him feel valid.
But he’d sacrificed all that for the “greater good” and now not only was he regretting his decision he was also furious because apparently he wasn’t anything to you anyway. The thing he’d struggled so much with, you weren’t even aware of.
Zuko walked into the large living room the gang had taken to lounging in and saw you sat with Haru. He felt his temper rise as Sokka’s words filled his mind. How you broke hearts and moved on instantly. You laughed at something Haru said and Zuko’s eyes narrowed. He really meant nothing to you. Zuko stalked across the room and came to stand in front of you both. Haru jumped "Firelord Zuko" but you took your time glancing at him. You eventually raised your eyes to his and nodded "Firelord Zuko". Zuko tensed "y/n we need to talk". "Is it urgent because....". "It is, now...please" Zuko said and he walked away.
Your POV
You blinked as Zuko stormed away and apologised to Haru before following him. You had no idea why Zuko wanted to speak to you, surely everything was wrapped up now you were done but he seemed so angry. You’d heard about this famous fire nation temper but you’d never seen it on Zuko and part of you was a little impressed. You liked fire benders for that reason precisely, their inner fire and passion but Zuko had been completely composed and calm the whole time you’d know him. Not now though.
You followed Zuko into a room and he shut the door. "Zuko what’s wrong?" you asked and he spun to face you rapidly. "What’s wrong?" he cried "why did you let me break up with you and say all that rubbish if I meant nothing to you?". You paused "who says you mean nothing to me?". "Sokka!" Zuko cried "he explained how you flit from person to person, never dating them just having fun and how you move onto your next person when you get bored. We were never dating, why didn’t you correct me?". You shrugged "i... I didn't want to be rude, but Zuko I wasn’t just waiting to flit from you to someone else". "Ow yeah, Haru’s just a coincidence?". "You broke up with me! Why are you angry even if something was going on with Haru?". "Because i didn’t want to break up with you y/n" Zuko explained "i did it because i had to and it was a really tough decision for me to make. It felt like a big sacrifice to me and then to find out you didn’t even think twice about me" Zuko said rapidly before staring at the floor almost deflated. "Zuko i do think about you" you said softly "whatever Sokka said isn’t completely true. Yes i don’t like putting labels on things but that doesn’t mean i don’t care or feel the same things anyone does at the start of something. I think the reason i move on or flit around so quickly as you said is because i move on as soon as I start feeling things, i don’t like being vulnerable so me not thinking of you as my boyfriend wasn’t because I didn’t care about you, it was more to protect me from the opposite". "So you do like me?" Zuko asked and you took a breath. "I do...a lot". Zuko rushed forwards hastily and kissed you. You kissed him back wrapping your arms around his neck before you paused "but wait...i thought you said you literally weren’t allowed to do this". Zuko nodded but didn’t remove his hands from your waist "i did, as Firelord i’m expected to behave dignified and composed all the time, i’m not supposed to get emotional or act irresponsibly for example by dating an unconventional water tribe girl" Zuko smiled "but i don’t care! I don’t care if they disapprove! I don’t care if we’re boyfriend and girlfriend or it’s just casual, all i know is i really like you and really really want to kiss you". You smiled and rehooked your arm around his neck "then kiss me".
Zuko was obedient and kissed you passionately before moving onto your neck. You were both surprised and pleasantly fascinated at Zuko’s confidence. Usually he was shy and kissed you quickly before moving away but now....now he was confident and purposeful with each touch. It was very attractive and you suddenly saw why the fire nation had such a strong reputation. Zuko caught the look in your eye and smiled "if you want we can....go to my room?". You smiled "lead the way”. Zuko stepped towards the door so quickly he knocked a table over but he just tugged you past it "leave it, it can stay that way for all i care right now" he muttered and you laughed at how spontaneous he was being. It was nice to see him let his hair down and you grinned as he pulled you through the fire nation halls hastily. He yanked his door open before pulling you inside and slamming the door. Trapping you on the other side. "Hmm i don’t think running through the hall is dignified Firelord Zuko". Zuko shrugged "neither is this" and began to kiss you again.
***
You laid side by side and Zuko seemed very relaxed but you were wondering about something. "Should I be going...am i even allowed to stay here in your room overnight? Doesn’t it break some century old fire nation tradition?" you asked. You’d never been in Zuko’s room before and only now did it really hit you he was the Firelord with a whole country on his shoulders and hundreds of advisors all monitoring his every move. If they’d gotten so angry at you for spending time together surely the nobles would be furious at you spending the night in his quarters? Zuko however did not care. "Of course you can” he said immediately “no servants will bother us and my guards will know to leave so we can be alone...of course that’s if you want to? If you don’t want to stay the night...". “Are you kidding me? And miss sleeping in these silk masterpieces?" you asked wriggling against the royal bedding. Zuko laughed watching you before he looked more serious. "I meant what i said" Zuko said softly "you don’t have to be my anything...i like you, i don’t need any labels or anything". "But do you want them?" you asked. You’d been more honest with Zuko than you’d ever been with anyone and now a part of you....wasn’t terrified by the idea of making him something more. But Zuko had also listened to you too and didn’t want to scare you off. "All i want is you" he smiled coming closer "if you don’t want labels then they won’t come anywhere near us". You smiled at the effort Zuko was making and leant into him. Zuko wrapped his arms around you and you buried your head in his chest. Ignoring the feeling in your stomach that you should have been more honest.
1 week later
Zuko definitely took what you’d said into account. He was a lot more confident with you both in private and publically. Apparently almost losing you made him more determined to make the most of his time with you. He invited you to royal events and was attentive to you throughout them. When nobles questioned him about you he would tell them it was none of their concern and refuse to answer any further prying. You liked seeing Zuko stand up for himself using his dominant abrupt side but also kind of missed his soft sweet side. Sure having a temper and attitude were hot in the moment but after a while they lost their depth and you got the feeling it was an act Zuko was putting on for you. As if  Zuko thought by acting tough and in control with his court you’d be more attracted to him when in reality you loved how caring and considerate he was.
Zuko was also struggling. As well as maintaining the imposing Firelord who didn’t care what others thought of him, Zuko was also pretending he was okay with being casual. Zuko was not a casual person in any meaning of the word. He was a dramatic over-thinker, he had never been carefree and although in the moment with you he did enjoy it, afterwards his mind fretted over everything he’d done. He also worried about your open relationship. He knew freedom was important for you but he couldn’t help but wonder if when you looked at another person you’d start seeing them as well. Zuko liked you a lot and was sure he never wanted to see you with another person. He wondered if it was selfish but he wanted you all to himself and wanted an exclusive relationship....but he’d promised you he would be fine with this and that meant more to him.
So you and Zuko continued the charade to please the other, no idea that the other person actually felt the exact same way.
Your POV
You and Zuko had just had a pleasant evening with his friends and were retiring to his room for the night. On the way you passed a guard who looked at the two of you and then frowned. Zuko immediately tensed and went into Firelord mode. “Something you want to say?” Zuko called and the guard lowered his eyes “no Firelord Zuko”. “I thought not” Zuko agreed and took your hand. Zuko led you into his room and shut the door with a loud snap. You watched Zuko and all the things you’d been feeling this week came up. You needed to say something and now was just as good a time as any.  
You prepared for the night and sat down on the edge of the bed watching Zuko warily, wondering how he’d take what you were about to say.
"Zuko i’ve been thinking about something and I think we need to talk” you said suddenly and Zuko jumped standing up taller. "Are you okay?" he asked immediately coming to sit next to you. "I am and i want to thank you for all the effort you’ve gone to but i think we need to reassess the situation”. Zuko immediately panicked, you’d realised he wasn’t a cool collected leader and that he was faking it....you weren’t attracted to him anymore. "Y/n i think i know what you’re going to say" he frowned when you carried on "i miss how it was before". Zuko blinked "what?". "I know you’re trying to be more dominant in your rule and to be more protective of us but that doesn’t mean you have to act all unfeeling and unbothered for my benefit. You’re a kind sweet person Zuko and I like when you show that, so i guess i’m asking have you been trying to change for me?". Zuko looked down "i have....you just reacted so intensely to me being more confident and so i thought you’d want that more". "I do love it when your confident" you smiled "but you don’t have to keep that in every aspect of our lives, maybe just when we’re alone?". Zuko felt a blush rise to his cheeks but he nodded "okay". You smiled "and sorry one more thing....i know i said i don’t like labels but i think i’d maybe like to try them?". Overcome with the realisation you felt everything he did Zuko just kissed you passionately. You kissed him back before laughing as you separated "what was that for?”. "For weeks i’ve been playing this character and restraining myself from asking you to be exclusive with me and i thought if i felt this way how can we be compatible but all along you felt it too". You blushed and nodded "yes i....i’ve felt that too”. Zuko grinned and kissed you again before pulling away "wait let me make sure i understand this correctly, you’d like us to start dating? Properly and officially?". "And exclusively" you smiled and Zuko grinned "i’m going to do this officially then, y/n will you be my girlfriend". "I thought you’d never ask!" you cried and kissed him again.
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tobesolonely · 3 years
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aura
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A/n: Hi everyone! this is a tad bit different from the things i usually write (I think) as i wanted to switch things up a little bit. I’m kinda nervous to post it so pleaseee please let me know your thoughts! As always please enjoy!! thank you to everyone who beta read for me btw :)
summary: witch!y/n can see auras and harry is blue
my ko-fi! thank you :)
. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .
Y/N has always been able to easily empathize with others. She could see others' emotional energy— their aura— and this made it easy to know exactly what they were feeling. Not only could she see auras, but she could take away anyone’s emotional turmoil just by touching them.
One of Y/N’s most vivid memories from her childhood was when her best friend came to school one morning in tears over the death of her pet fish. When Y/N leaned in to give her a hug, she felt an overwhelming heaviness overtake her body as soon as they made contact. Upon pulling away from the hug, her friend’s demeanor was completely changed. Instead of being sad over the death of her fish, she was able to instead reflect on all the good times she had with him. Her friend was fine for the rest of the day, but Y/N was left grieving over a fish she never even owned.
Y/N went home that day, confused. How was it that her friend was so easily cheered up just from a hug? Was that all it took for Y/N to make others feel better? If that was the case, she decided she wanted to be a ‘Professional Hugger’ when she grew up. As time went on, Y/N learned that she didn’t even have to hug others to rid them of their mental pain. The slightest touch from her instantly made anyone she came into contact with feel better.
It took a few months for Y/N to realize it was her touch that healed others. Sure, that mental anguish then became hers to carry, but how many people could say they could heal someone just by touching them? If that was the price she had to pay, then so be it. From that point on Y/N made it a point to help anyone she could. 
As Y/N got older and her skill with this power grew, she learned to redirect the painful energy elsewhere so she didn’t always have to sit with it. It worked some of the time, but it was something she was still learning to master. Y/N wasn’t always successful in doing this, though. While whoever Y/N touched went about their day feeling great, she would experience their emotions so intensely that she felt as if she were coming down with a cold. Y/N dealt with it in silence because the way she saw it if she was blessed with this gift, she had to be selfless and put it to good use. Y/N was a firm believer that all the good she put out would come back to her in another life at least ten times over.
It was difficult for Y/N not to touch everyone she saw whose aura reflected sadness, anxiety, or worry. She tried to stick to only doing this to people she knew, but there were some instances where Y/N encountered someone who was just so clearly unhappy that she could not help herself. 
For example, right now. 
Y/N immediately sensed this stranger’s emotional turmoil as soon as they entered the space. It was late afternoon on a Wednesday. Y/N had the longest, most physically demanding day at work and the last thing she wanted to do was go home and cook. Even though she had just gone grocery shopping two days prior, she stopped by her favorite Thai place on the way home. Y/N was in the middle of ordering when their presence quite literally took her breath away, causing her to stumble over her words. 
She turned to look over her shoulder at the person who was so greatly distracting her and locked eyes with the most pitiful looking stranger she’d seen all day. The first thing Y/N noticed about him was his hair. It was unruly, like he had just gotten out of bed. She also noticed how tall he was–– if he had just a couple more inches on him, he would’ve had to crane his neck to enter the establishment. Upon making eye contact with Y/N the man quickly looked down at his shoes, twiddling his thumbs. His aura was a mixture of indigo and dark red when Y/N looked at him. Anger and sensitivity.
“Do you still need a moment?”
The voice of the cashier breaks Y/N out of her analytical thoughts of the stranger standing a few feet behind her. She nods, re-situating her purse on her left shoulder. 
“Uh, please. He can go ahead if he’s ready.” Y/N gestures behind her and the cashier nods, asking the man behind her if he was ready to order yet. He steps up to the front counter, eyes trained on his feet as if he couldn’t walk without watching every step he took. 
His energy was intense and Y/N wasn’t sure how much longer she could ignore it. Something about him was reeling her in— his aura wasn’t looking too bright at the moment, but she could just tell it usually was. She felt compelled to take away his pain, and she hadn’t spoken a single word to him yet. While he was placing his order, Y/N internally debated on whether or not she should “accidentally” graze his arm when they walked past each other. Would that be weird? What if she wasn’t able to redirect his negative energy elsewhere? While she did love to help whenever she could, some people’s emotional baggage was just a little too heavy. She didn’t know him. For all she knew, he could be a killer!
He turns back around once he’s finished ordering and stands by the entrance, out of Y/N’s way. The pair lock eyes again as Y/N makes her way back to the counter to order. Once again, he quickly looked away from her. Y/N’s trying to ignore the annoying nagging feeling she gets when she wants to help someone, but it’s unrelenting. She makes up her mind that once she’s done, she will approach this stranger to get a better read on his emotions. 
“Nice weather we’re having today, isn’t it?” She cringes at her choice of a conversation starter and hopes he doesn’t notice. Y/N folds her hands across her chest, forcing herself not to reach out to him. He nods.
“Lovely.”
The tone of his voice causes Y/N to wince. It was sharp and short. He was clearly not in the mood to converse. Although Y/N knows this, she continues on.
“I love this place. I think I come here at least twice a month–– what’s your go-to order?”
The man turns to fully face Y/N this time, his aura now more red than blue. He was beginning to grow annoyed with her small talk. 
“Green curry and stir-fried vegetables.” He doesn’t ask Y/N for her order, so she takes this as her signal to stop speaking to him. The bell above the door jingles, signaling another persons’ entry. Their aura is shining gold–– Y/N would not have to interfere. 
Y/N moves away from this man, deciding not to speak to him anymore. She was getting better at accepting the fact that no matter how much she wanted to, it was impossible to help everyone. As he collected his food from the front and turned to leave, not sparing Y/N another glance, she silently hoped that whatever was wrong with this man would not last.
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Harry was in a funk. There was no denying it, and he was over feeling so terribly. He hadn’t been feeling like himself for far too long. It seemed like everyone wanted something from him when he had nothing left to give. Jeff had set unrealistic deadlines, his mother was upset with him for not calling enough, and he was exhausted from constantly traveling and waking up in a new time zone. Harry needed a break.
Harry’s mind wandered to the pretty girl in the Thai place. She seemed inquisitive. She was very curious about his go-to order, and she was standing a little too close for his comfort. Harry was surprised when she didn’t ask him for a picture. He wasn’t trying to be cocky, but nearly everyone he met asked him for a picture–– he was Harry Styles. However, it was almost like this girl didn’t know who he was. She didn’t seem starstruck in the slightest.
While Harry was waiting for the light to change, it dawned on him that he may have been a tad bit rude to her. He noticed her happy expression drop when he shut her down, but he didn’t feel like talking. He liked to move from place to place as quickly as he could in the off chance he got recognized and it started circulating on Twitter. Still, he couldn’t help feeling a little bad. She was sweet like honey–– or so it seemed. In their brief interaction, she bought him comfort.
Harry wanted to turn back around and go back to the restaurant to check if she was still there. What would be the point, though? She would most likely be long gone by the time he made it back over there, as she did order immediately after him. Harry’s torn out of his thoughts when the cars behind him start honking, and he realizes the light must’ve turned green. He decides not to think about the confrontation anymore. 
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The world works in mysterious ways. 
Y/N was sure she’d never encounter the grumpy man from her favorite Thai restaurant again but yet here she was in another situation that involved take-out and him. His aura was dark indigo this time. Stress? Isolation? Y/N didn’t know, but she wanted to help him. In her eyes, there was no reason for anyone to be down this badly. She just wanted everyone to be as happy as she (almost) always was! She takes a deep breath before approaching him.
“Hi. How are you?”
Harry was absorbed in a text conversation involving his manager and stylist when a sweet, familiar voice interrupts him. 
“I’m okay, thank you. Yourself? Also, we’ve spoken before, I believe.”
She nods, a troubled look on her face. “We have. At the Thai place. How are you, though? Really.”
Harry was beginning to find her a bit strange (but still incredibly gorgeous, even more than he did before now that he got a good look at her face). Why was she so concerned with how he was feeling? Was she going to ask him for a picture or not? As Harry opened his mouth to again tell her he was fine, the desire to tell her how he was really feeling came over him. So he did.
“Honestly? ‘M exhausted. I’ve been doing a lot of traveling and my manager wants a lot from me. I think I jus’ need a break.” 
He radiated red. Anxiety? Anger?
“What do you do for work?” Now it was Harry’s turn to wear the troubled look.
“I don’t mean this to be rude, but you’re serious?”
Y/N nods, reaching out to place her hand on his shoulder. Just as quickly as she touches him she removes her hand, and she’s almost certain he didn’t even feel her touch. She notices him let out a visible sigh of relief, his aura changing from a red to a pale yellow. Optimism. Positivity. This causes her to let out her own sigh of relief. 
“You’re feeling better! That’s great.” Y/N was not able to redirect his negative energy as the restaurant was too crowded and she didn’t want to risk putting it on anyone else, and she was feeling him. He was stressed, overworked, and anxious. Y/N just wanted to go home and nap, no longer in the mood for the food she just ordered.
Harry decided she was definitely odd but in the most endearing way possible. “How do you know I’m feeling better? Wait, am I feeling better?” Y/N watches as he works through his emotions, his aura ranging in color before settling back on pale yellow. 
“Are you?” Y/N knows the answer to this of course, but she wants to hear him say it.
“I think I am. I’ve been feelin’ horrible all week but saying how I felt out loud to you automatically made me feel better. Kind of weird, but I won’t question it. Thank you for asking…,” Harry scrunches his nose, a distasteful expression on his face. “I don’t think ‘ve gotten your name yet.”
Y/N gives him a small, forced smile. “I’m Y/F/N Y/L/N. It’s nice to meet you. I’ll be seeing you around, I think.” Before Harry can tell her his name she’s gone.
And she didn’t even grab her food.
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Y/N felt like she had been hit by a ton of bricks. How one person could carry around all this emotional baggage was beyond her, but she wanted it gone. Immediately.
There was a spell Y/N kept on hand for times like these. Times when she couldn’t redirect the negative energy before it got to her. Times when it was just too much to carry. Y/N had regretfully done this spell more times than she could count and was an expert at reciting it from memory. The vile was open and ready to capture the negative energy that would shortly be leaving her.
Y/N works quickly to complete the process, unsure of what time her roommate would come barreling through the door. She had caught her doing things she deemed strange one too many times (she thought her roommate almost figured out who she really was when she caught her having a full-on conversation with her cat, Sapphire, once). She was beginning to run out of excuses for her “unusual” behavior. Y/N mutters under her breath, willing the energy to exit her.
She notices right away when it leaves her. She feels lighter— like her usual self again. She guides the energy into the vile and immediately seals it, hurrying into her room to lock it away. Y/N kept a box in her closet that she only opened if she had to. It was her Pandora’s Box, in a way. Nothing bad would be released into the world if she opened the box, but if the viles’ were opened then the bad energy she trapped would be re-released into the world, finding its way back to their original owners.
Y/N feels like she can breathe again once she bolts the box. She hoped that whatever he was doing, wherever this man was, he was still feeling okay. 
Also, for his sake and everyone’s around him, she hoped he got a break.
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Y/N was on Harry’s mind. 
Something about her was magnetic. He wished he’d gotten more information about her than only her name, but she left him in such a hurry he could hardly process their conversation. Harry felt like a madman! He searched ‘Y/F/N Y/L/N’ on all social media platforms, but he couldn’t find her anywhere. It was dumb luck that he had ran into her twice in such a short time span, and he hoped good things happened in threes and he would see her again.
He was almost certain that Jeff thought he was losing his mind.
Harry tried explaining his interaction with Y/N first at the Thai food spot and again when he was getting Greek food, but Jeff thought Harry was so sleep deprived he was imagining things. 
“How did you see a beautiful, young woman who didn’t freak out or ask for a picture? Doesn’t make sense. You’re Harry Styles.”
“That’s what I thought!” Harry exclaimed wildly. He holds his phone up. “I’m thinkin’ she really doesn’t know who I am, though. I couldn’t find her on any social media platform. It’s like she’s off the grid or somethin’.”
“No social media at all? A little weird, isn’t it?”
“It’s fitting for her. If you met her then you would understand what I meant,” Harry felt the need to defend this alluring stranger who took away his pain just by listening to him speak. “Look at me, Jeff. Don’t I seem so much better than I was jus’ a few days ago?”
His manager couldn’t deny that Harry’s mood (and attitude) had done a 360. He didn’t complain about being woken up early and he happily consented to do not one, but two interviews.
“I mean, yeah? I guess––”
“Thanks to her!” Harry cuts him off. “I’m telling you. I need to see her again and thank her for whatever she did.”
“How are you going to do that?” 
Harry leaned back against the counter in Jeff’s kitchen, mulling the question over. It was a valid one. How was he going to do that? He already tried to no avail to find her on social media. He hardly knew anything about her. All he knew was her name, that they seemed to have a similar taste in food, and that she went to the Thai spot at least two times a month. 
That was it.
In one last effort to contact Y/N again, Harry planned to go to the Thai food place, pray the cashier who was working when he went in earlier this week was there, and leave his number with her. It was a risky move, probably not the smartest thing he could do, and Jeff would for sure drop him as a client if he knew Harry was doing things like this. Harry didn’t care. Phone numbers could always be changed, and he was desperate. 
If Harry couldn’t contact Y/N, he would wait for her to contact him.
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Y/N was confused.
She stopped at her favorite Thai food spot (sooner in the month than anticipated, but she had another long day), ordered her usual, and was about to leave when the sweet cashier who was always there insisted she takes the piece of paper with ‘HARRY’ followed by a phone number scrawled on it.
“For me?” Y/N was confused. Something like this had never happened to her before. I mean, does it happen to anyone?
“He insisted,” the cashier warmly responds. “I’ve been waiting for you to come back–– knew you would soon enough.” Y/N’s face flushes at this and she makes a mental note to start cooking more.
“Well…,” Y/N trails off, not sure what to say. “Thank you? I guess I’ll give him a call and let him know you’ve done well.” The cashier’s aura shines pink. Affection. Love.
“You should. Take care!”
Y/N leaves the restaurant with the crumpled piece of paper in her sweaty hands, eager to get home as soon as possible. She wasn’t sure what it was, but something told her not to disregard him. His reaching out was a sign–– and Y/N did not ignore signs.
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“She hasn’t called me yet.”
“It’s been five days, Harry. She probably doesn’t eat Thai food every day. I can’t believe you did something so fuckin’ stupid…”
Jeff’s reprimanding fades into the background as Harry drifts off into daydreaming about what it would be like if– when- Y/N finally called him. Would she find him obsessed? What if she thought he was stalking her? Harry decided that when she called, he would immediately clear things up. He’d thank her for her kindness (his trademark) and see how she was doing. She left the Greek food place so abruptly when he last saw her that he was under the impression something was bothering her. Harry wasn’t sure what he could do to help if something was troubling her, but he could at least extend a listening ear to her as she did to him.
“Harry, are you listening?”
“What was that?”
Jeff shakes his head at Harry, an amused expression on his face. “Man, I hope she calls you soon.”
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The phone rang three times. After the third ring, his gruff voice came through the other end of the phone.
“Hello?”
Y/N sharply inhales, suddenly growing nervous. “Is this Harry?” Silence. Y/N was preparing to repeat herself when he spoke again.
“Is this Y/N?”
Now it’s Y/N’s turn to be silent. Harry says nothing, awaiting her response. “Well, it is. You sound familiar–– how do we know each other?”
“Now that ’m actually able to talk to you, it sounds a bit silly…” He seems unsure of himself. “Promise y’won’t laugh at me?”
“I promise.”
Y/N says it with such conviction that Harry believes her, and it gives him the confidence he needs to proceed. “I was havin’ a hard time a couple of weeks ago. I was in line to get some falafel and you asked me what was wrong. What was really wrong.” Y/N says nothing, so Harry continues.
“I told you I was exhausted from work ‘nd wanted a break. That’s it, y’know? But I immediately felt better afterward. I’ve actually been feelin’ great ever since. I jus’ wanted to thank you, is all. I know it sounds weird and it’s probably all in m’head but I feel like talkin’ with you was just what I needed.” Harry’s rambling, nerves finally catching up to him. She was gorgeous and he was afraid she would think he was insane. 
“I’m glad to hear you’re still feeling better, Harry. That’s great.” Y/N’s voice is gentle and soft and to Harry, hearing her speak was just as comforting as getting a hug from his mum.
“I’m also really sorry that I was such a dick when you tried talkin’ to me the first time at the Thai spot,'' Harry feels embarrassed, stumbling over his words. “Not sure if you remember but I was just havin’ a shit day. I thought you were gonna ask for a picture and I just wasn’t in the mood.”
Y/N doesn’t say anything and Harry winces, certain he’s offended her when she starts talking again. 
“That’s okay. I know you were having a bad day.” 
“How did you know I was having a bad day?” Again, Y/N pauses before answering. 
“Well, I didn’t do anything to you for you to be so rude to me. I knew it had to be a problem involving yourself.” Harry notices that Y/N speaks very slowly. It’s as if she considers every word before she speaks. He’s intrigued by her. 
“That is very true.” Y/N doesn’t say anything so Harry takes it as his cue to keep talking. “I’m sorry if me leaving my number at the restaurant creeped you out. I hope you didn’t feel obligated to call me.”
“Not at all. I’ve actually been wondering how you were doing since we had our encounter at the Greek place–– that doesn’t creep you out either, right?”
Y/N was hypnotizing. Harry was infatuated. 
“Not at all.”
“Can I ask you something, Harry?”
“Course.”
“Why would I want a picture with you?”
Harry had to get to know her.
“Do y’wanna grab coffee sometime?”
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Something was definitely different about Y/N–– Harry just couldn’t put his finger on what it was. To begin, she truly had absolutely no idea who Harry was. At first, he thought she was just messing with him, but he quickly realized she was being serious. Y/N said she had “heard of” One Direction, but she never listened to the band’s music. Harry supposed that could account for her being unaware as to who he was. Maybe he wasn’t a “household name” like Jeff always said he was. 
Harry was also right about her not having social media. When he asked Y/N why she didn’t use it, she said she preferred to occupy her time with more substantial things. She didn’t elaborate, and Harry didn’t ask. She was however very interested to learn what a big social media following Harry had. He tweeted the word “Do” and they watched as the internet went wild trying to decipher what he meant. He even started trending worldwide for it. It made sense to Y/N after that why Harry was so intent on not taking off his sunglasses and beanie.
Y/N was having a great time analyzing his aura. 
She noticed that whenever someone glanced in their direction, his aura briefly turned red. Anxiety. When Y/N attempted to make a joke, it turned pink (she chose not to analyze that too much). Mainly though, his aura shone that beautiful, pale yellow that Y/N loved to see the most. Harry was doing well. He was happy. Y/N would not have to intervene today.
She couldn’t explain why, but she felt obligated to help him. Even though his energy made her feel so terribly last time, she would’ve still taken away his pain if he was blue without even thinking twice about it. Why was she so drawn to him? Y/N wasn’t sure what it was about Harry that drew her in, but she knew she would do anything to help him. Anything to see him happy.
Unbeknownst to Y/N, Harry felt the same way.
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Y/N missed Harry terribly.
She wanted to call him–– just a brief conversation to see if he was doing okay. He mentioned when they last saw each other nearly two weeks prior that he was going to be very busy in the coming days, and she wondered if he still was. Harry told Y/N that he loved his job (of course he did!), but being so busy sometimes really hurt him. Not just mentally, but physically as well. 
She longed for him.
Y/N searched through her call list for Harry’s number and immediately tapped it, listening closely as it rang. She was about to end the call in defeat when Harry answered at the last moment.
“Hello?” He sounded tired, under the weather.
“Harry,” Y/N begins. “I haven’t heard from you in a bit and I just wanted to see if all was well. How do you feel?”
“Hi Y/N,” Harry perks up slightly, but he still sounds a bit congested. “‘M not sure if you can tell from m’voice, but I’ve got a cold.”
Although Y/N wishes with every fiber of her being that she could rid Harry of his cold, she cannot. However, she can make sure all is well with his mind. 
“I’m sorry to hear that,” she pauses for a moment as she usually does, hoping Harry can tell how sincere she’s being on the other end. “How do you feel though? Are you still feeling happy?”
“Jus’ feelin’ not the greatest again. I’ve been stuck in my house with this fuckin’ cold and haven’t seen anyone in days.”
“I can come over.” Y/N doesn’t think twice before offering. If he had to suffer physically, she at least wanted him to feel okay mentally.
“I don’t want to get you sick. It’s okay–”
“I don’t mind, really. I’ll keep you company.”
Harry doesn’t say anything and Y/N’s sure she must’ve creeped him out. They don’t even know each other well and here she was offering to come over to his home and keep him company while he was sick. She’s about to rescind her offer when he lets out a loud sigh.
“My manager might kill me if he finds out I did this… but sure, let me give you my address.”
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As soon as Harry got off the phone, he sprung into action. His home was a mess. There were crumpled up tissues all over the floor beside his bed, a sink full of dishes, and he’s pretty sure every bathroom in his house was a mess. He opted to not have anyone over to clean up after him as he didn’t want to risk getting anyone sick and man did it show.
He quickly gathered up all the tissues and threw them into the bin in the corner of his bedroom, surveying the rest of the mess before deciding he and Y/N wouldn’t be spending time in there, anyway. He was going to focus on the mess downstairs, instead. He loaded his dishwasher and record time and used disinfectant wipes on every surface he could in the kitchen, dining room, and living room. He then surveyed the bathrooms and cleaned the one with the least amount of mess, closing the doors to the other ones. He would worry about those some other time. 
Harry was nervous to have Y/N over. He was just nervous to be around her in general. He missed her over the past couple of weeks but he opted out of contacting her, terrified that he was a bother. After Harry finished cleaning in record time, it dawned on him that he didn’t really have any food prepared to offer Y/N. If she was coming over to his house just to cheer him up, the least he could do was offer her something to eat. Harry hated doing things like this, but he was desperate. He texted his assistant and asked if they could drop off some food from the Greek place he and Y/N liked, making a mental note to find out what other places she enjoyed eating at for next time.
Y/N gets to his house much sooner than he was anticipating.
He rushes to his front door, looking through the peephole before opening the door. Y/N has a big smile on her face and looks absolutely gorgeous, as she usually does. She has a huge water bottle in one hand and a tote bag with the phases of the moon slung over her shoulder. He’s never seen it before and thinks it’s lovely.
“Hi,” Harry says breathlessly. “Thanks for coming. Uh, come in please.”
Y/N smiles and takes a small step forward, crossing the threshold of Harry’s home. She thought it was incredible–– and rather clean. “What can I do to help?” 
Harry was getting used to Y/N’s straightforward approach to things, so he’s not phased by her question. “Jus’ you bein’ here is great, honestly.”
Y/N can see that Harry’s aura is that deep indigo that she’s not fond of, but she wonders if he can work through it himself before she steps in. “So it’s just your cold that’s got you feeling down? Can we sit down and talk about it?”
“Sure. Also, not sure if you’ve eaten yet or not but I’m gettin’ some food dropped off for us.”
“That sounds great, I haven’t had dinner yet so thank you. Can we sit?” Y/N doesn’t wait for Harry to answer. She makes her way to his plush couch in the adjoining room, walking through the place like she’s been there before. Harry loves it.
“I think I told you the gist of it on the phone earlier,” Harry says, settling onto the couch beside her. He leaves some space in between them since he doesn’t want to risk getting her sick, but he wishes he was closer to her. “I’ve been feelin’ down ‘cause I’ve been stuck in the house with this cold. S’not fun.” Y/N hums in understanding. Harry notices that she reaches out her hand to him slightly and then quickly retracts it, but he doesn’t mention it. Y/N says nothing, just continues looking inquisitively at him. Harry doesn’t feel uncomfortable under her gaze–– he stares back. 
“Something’s making you feel nervous. What is it?”
Harry isn’t surprised that she was able to figure out there was more to what he was feeling than just loneliness. How was he supposed to tell Y/N that she was the reason for his nervousness, though?
“It’s nothing. I promise.”
“I don’t think so.”
Harry scratches the back of his neck nervously. “How are you so good at reading me? S’like you’re inside my brain, Y/N.” He lets out a little chuckle after saying this but quickly stops when he realizes Y/N isn’t laughing along with him.
“You’re just easy to read,” she cooly responds after a second. “Why are you so nervous? Do you have something coming up for work?”
“Not really…” 
“Then what is it? Something going on with someone in your family?” 
Harry was quickly realizing Y/N wouldn’t drop this unless Harry gave her an answer. He silently hopes for the best before answering her. 
“It’s you,” he mumbles, shifting around uncomfortably on his couch. “You make me nervous.” Y/N watches as his aura changes from red and blue to pink, and his cheeks flush slightly. 
“Why do I make you nervous?”
“You just do.”
“Why? Have I done something to hurt you?”
Y/N was so painfully oblivious that it was cute. Harry was quickly realizing that his heart doubled in size every time he talked to her.
“No. Quite the opposite, actually,” Harry reaches in the pocket of his sweatpants for a tissue, facing away from her while he pauses to blow his nose. “You’re so… you’re jus’ very interesting. Mesmerizing, really.”
Y/N feels her skin heat up at Harry’s compliment. His aura is still shining pink, the brightest pink she’s ever seen since meeting him. She was sad to see there was still quite a bit of indigo and red, though. “Thank you. That’s very sweet of you.”
Before Y/N can stop herself, she reaches out to grab Harry’s hand. Immediately she feels his energy transfer to her and without thinking, Y/N flicks her finger out of force of habit. The beautifully potted Pothos that Harry has sitting on his television stand instantly droops, leaves turning brown and wilted. 
Harry’s completely perplexed.
The first thing he notices is that he’s feeling better. Great, even. He feels as good as he felt after the interaction he had with Y/N in the Greek food place all those weeks ago. The next thing he notices is that his gorgeous Pothos, a plant that is nearly impossible to kill, is dead.
And it was all Y/N’s doing.
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“I’d like to end up as a tree”
Marwan kenzari (31) won a gold calf last year for his role in the movie Wolf. As of next week he is to be seen in Bloedlink (/reckless), opening’s act of the Dutch film festival. “It’s not my place to say I’m good.”
Bloedlink
“Acting offers the chance to become well acquainted with the complexities of being human. The Moroccan kick-boxer Majid in the movie Wolf had a fascinating interior life. His character was even easier to understand when he said nothing at all - I don’t think I’ve ever had as little lines in a movie. Rico in Bloedlink is completely different. He accidentally finds himself swept up in criminal business, but he’s actually just someone who’s had a whole slew of bad luck. In the movie his character undergoes a few very surprising U-turns. In my portrayal of him, I interpret all those different sides as honest, I find that interesting. In the movie, Rico does some paradoxical things, but he means all of them. Of course that’s simply not possible. That’s what makes him fascinating and tragic.”
Journey
“If I’m a good actor? That’s not my place to say. Sometimes you do the most interesting things you think are worthless in the moment. A movie is a collaborative journey, which, in the case of Wolf, I underwent with director Jim Taihuttu among others. Although I secretly did think during shooting: this will be fun. Wolf is an honest movie. The kick-boxing, the hits to the body, very little of that is pretend. Not that everything should be real in a movie, but this story required that. At a certain point I felt: this could be something really fresh in Dutch cinema. And it was.”
Peanut Butter
“Ever since that role, which I trained for quite extensively, I’ve found it increasingly important to stay in shape. It wasn’t a complete transformation; even beforehand I would exercise six times a week. But now I’m slightly addicted, yeah. It makes you mentally stronger, too. If I’ve been training on a Sunday at 7 am and then at 8 am I’m outside again, showered, refreshed and in shape while the rest of the city’s asleep, I’m 1-0 ahead. Scratch that: 10-0. I pay attention to my nutrition as well. Bread for example gives false energy. But I’m not always so strict. I get plenty of enjoyment from a good, white slice of bread with calvé peanut butter. And then fold it over, don’t cut it! You shouldn’t cut a sandwich, everyone knows that. Then you miss the first bite.”
Toneelgroep Amsterdam
“After the acting academy in Maastricht I was immediately invited to Toneelgroep Amsterdam. I was with them for three years, but found my attentions pulled towards film during that period. When the actors from TGA are - rightfully - expected to be fully available. We “broke up”, though that sounds too serious, with full, mutual agreement. I see the company as family and will be playing in Angels in America at the end of the month, in New York. Director Ivo van Hove has been very important for my development. I admire his knowing exactly what he wants, but also his ability to be unsure and searching, and to be able to be vulnerable about that. But I have to be fair to myself. I’m 31 now, and these are my most important years in film. While I hope to be an even better stage-actor when I’m fifty. I’m slightly further ahead in film than on stage. That development is tougher, needs more time and possibly total dedication. Stage is the motor in the actor’s car; film is a different muscle. But if Ivo calls me in two, or ten or forty years, he’ll be the first stage director I’ll say yes to.”
Pierre Bokma
“As the son of Tunisian parents in the Hague painters-quarter I didn’t come into automatic contact with theatre. As a kid I was mostly interested in football, the emotion you see on a player’s face when he scores - fantastic. At a certain point I realised that movies can affect you the same way, even though you know it’s fake. That’s the magic of acting. Through contacts I ended up with De Nieuwe Amsterdam, an in-between theatre course for teens for whom the leap to theatre school was perhaps a bit too big. I learned everything there: playwrights, Dutch actors, repertoire. You’re also taught which acting schools exist. And I thought: where did Pierre Bokma go to school? And Fedja van Huêt? That was Maastricht. It also appealed to me that they implemented Bijltjesdag: you might still be sent away halfway through the first year. I decided: if I’m going for this uncertain profession, maybe the best trial by fire will be going to a school where you aren’t sure if you’ll be allowed to stay. I was allowed, in the end. At the theatre academy I came into contact with art, philosophy, poetry. All of that was new. But it didn’t feel as if I was behind, I only saw it as a fantastic source of riches; as if I could try on all sorts of new glasses.”
Huntersfamily
“I never thought that this path wasn’t laid out for me, I just always let myself be lead by my passion and my dreams. My parents are happy for me; I have a good connection with both. My father is an amazing person - an accumulation of beautiful ingredients. He’s honest with himself, doesn’t spare himself and laughs a lot, that’s important to me. He might be made out of simple components, he’s from a huntersfamily, but for me these are the components that build a strong character. My dad can tell beautiful stories, about his life in Tunisia, about his old friends who aren’t with us anymore. Every year death takes someone new, and in that way a beautiful group of people slowly disappears, the protagonists of a generation. One lives close to the elements there, I find that fascinating. It’s so different to our life here. I’ll also never interrupt my dad when he starts on a story like that. Even if I’ve heard it before.”
Vampire
“I’ve always said: I want to play a woman, a vampire, a Moroccan kick-boxer. I’ve succeeded in doing the last one. A vampire is a wonderful character. The beauty of their faces, the sensuality, the tragedy of never going outside during the day, and of course their never ageing; never dying, in fact. I’d like to never die. When I was a kid, I suffered a lot of nightmares. About falling and never landing. I had a hard time in the dream world, I wasn’t a big fan of night. It was, I think, a sort of inexplicable fear of dying. At a certain moment I grew familiar with those dreams, figured out how to influence them. I could for all intents and purposes check-out whenever it became scary. I became the director of my own dream world. When I was twelve, I fell in love, and then I was over it. I still have nightmares, like everyone else, but now I find them fascinating instead of threatening. Beautiful how your mind can make a story out of all sorts of ingredients. Sometimes I call my mother to talk about what a dream might mean. For example, I recently dreamt about my grandmother. ‘She thinks about you and loves you,’ my mother says.”
Tree
“I still know fear and uncertainty, but they don’t hinder me anymore. They’re two trusted companions now, who walk with me. They keep me sharp and hungry, and in a good way, they keep me on my toes. As long as they don’t hold me back, they can be here. Fear of dying is now simply fear of no longer living. If a way to live until you’re 377 is discovered tomorrow, I’ll be the first to sign up. I’d like to end up as a tree. Then you only need to have a care for wind, rain and sun.”
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jae-daddy · 3 years
Text
Duff (11)
im jaebum au series 
one / two / three / four / five / six / seven / eight / nine / ten / eleven / twelve masterlist
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pairing: im jaebum x reader  genre: angst, mature, smut  plot: you are the duff and guys use you to get close to your best friend, heather, and turns out Jaebum is no exception, but as time goes on the tension between you and your best friend’s unofficial boyfriend grows a/n: it’s been a while, my bad. but the next chapter is going to spicyyyyyyyy. not edited, hope yall enjoy it <3 stay safe out there <3
Your jaw dropped as the driver drove through the gates and up the long driveway to Park Jinyoung’s mansion. You knew he was rich, but you didn’t know he was this rich. But even more than the vast wealth the Parks had, you were more taken by the decorations that started from the gate all the way up to the main entrance. 
You turned towards Jaebum who was watching you already. You felt the golden glow of the lights outside flow into the unlit car, and somehow you could see something glint in his dark eyes. 
“It’s so beautiful, isn’t it Mr Kim?” you looked out the window again, to see the sparkling lights making a rendition of Van Gough’s starry night. You smiled to yourself a bit, “It might be a bit cliche and basic, but starry night is my favourite piece of artwork.” 
The driver hummed in reply, saying something about taking a picture for his daughter.
Jaebum didn’t reply, and you didn’t mind. Him and you weren’t exactly on friendly speaking terms, well at least not in your books. 
Since that day in the office, Jaebum had tried to talk to you numerous of times, but you avoided him. You didn’t want to hear his empty apologies or empty excuses or empty flirty, or whatever meaningless, empty words he wanted to say to you because he was feeling bored. 
You didn’t even think he would pick you up today, but when you called up your driver, Jaebum had pulled up in his sleek black car. It was a moment that you seen in movies, where the male lead sees the female lead with her makeover for the first time, and he’s blown away. 
But Im Jaebum wasn’t blown away. He wasn’t even fazed, if anything he found you so unappealing that he couldn’t bear to look at you for more than two seconds without looking away in pain. 
Was he always such an asshole?
He probably was, but back then he was trying to charm you with his sweet words. Maybe, he was a sicko who liked girls who weren’t into him, and as soon as you showed him any interest he vanished into the night. 
The car stopped at the red carpet laid out at the entrance, and you began to check your outfit and lipstick for the last time before reaching for the door. Your hand was reaching for the handle when the door swung open, and a hand reached in for you. 
You placed your hand in theirs, and carefully got out of the car. 
You stepped out to find yourself chest to chest with Jaebum. His fingers gripping onto your fingers as you stared up at him. 
You cleared your throat and began taking a step away from him, when he reached out and pulled your body against his by your waist. Your hands laid flat against his chest, the black material feeling rich on your skin. HIs dark eyes drifted to your lips, before they looked away purposefully. 
You turned around to find the car driving off behind you that you were about to bump into. You looked up at Jaebum, your cheeks tainting pink, “Thanks.” 
“Watch where you’re going,” was all he replied, as he let you go. 
Your heart once again sank at the lack of endearment, but you ignored it and adjusted the dress before you began following Jaebum into the mansion. 
Jaebum was instantly surrounded by people. People lining up around him, trying to play it off as they waited for their turns for introductions. You were right next to Jaebum, introducing him to everyone. 
The first hour was spent just like that, making introductions and standing next to Jaebum and pretending like you were invisible. The other important people only gave you a passing glance before looking away, no one stared for too long. You weren’t worth their time. 
You didn’t mind though. 
You enjoyed the architecture of the building and the artworks hanging around the hall. This must have really been a castle at some point you concluded after an hour of staring at the walls. You wondered which kind of ruler lived here before, but you knew for certain whoever it was wasn’t a good person; no in power ever is. 
Jaebum and you had drifted away about fifteen minutes ago, but you kept an eye out for him. He was currently taking to Paul from work, so you thought he was in safe hands. You took another mini-sausage roll before washing it down with another glass of expensive champagne. 
You didn’t like that taste even though it was exquisite. All it did was remind you of the night Jinyoung engaged to that woman in front of you, after telling you he loved you a few hours ago. 
“I finally found you,” a deep voice spoke behind you. His voice fell over you like velvet, and you struggled to breath. 
You turned around, already annoyed, “What are you doing here, Jinyoung?”
“You’re casual and feisty today,” he chucked, moving to stand next to you. He picked up a mini-sausage and popped it into his mouth, before waving a hand around, “This is my party, incase you’ve forgotten, y/n.” 
You snorted, “How can I forget with this champagne? Tell me, was this your favourite before you chose her or did it happen after?” 
“Woah,” Jinyoung tried to take the glass from you, but you moved it out of his reach, “How many of those have you had?”
“None of your business,” you gave him a straight smile. “None of these people are drinking anything anyway. And I needed a drink, it’s just been so hard lately.” 
You leaned your head on his shoulder, but straightened your spine right away, “I’m not drunk, Jinyoung. I just don’t have the energy to fight or pretend, at least not with you, not tonight.” 
“I don’t know if that is a compliment or not,” Jinyoung clicked his tongue, playfully. “I kind of like it when you fight with me.” 
“God, you’re such a perv, Jinyoung,” you groaned, and he laughed. 
“Come on,” he said, holding out his hand and gesturing to the dance floor. “Dance with me?” 
“No, thanks.”
“Why not?” 
“Are you sure you want to dance with me?” You asked him, with a knowing look. “I know this is a party, but I am still just an assistant here. Are you sure your reputation won’t hurt from dancing with someone like me? I’m not made of money like you, Jinyoung.” 
“Beauty and wealth are both welcomed here, y/n,” Jinyoung took your hand in his, “And you have a wealth of beauty, my dear.” 
He brought your hand to his face, his lips brushing over your knuckles. 
“Oh, right,” you chuckled, your heart sinking slightly. “You think I am pretty.”
Your gaze went to Im Jaebum who didn’t spare you a single glance. Your eyes fell on the girl he was talking to, and you couldn’t help but notice how different she was to you. You couldn’t but notice how different Jaebum looked talking to her; kind and well-mannered. 
“I’ve always found you beautiful, y/n,” Jinyoung said, drawing your attention back to him. “That’s why I was drawn to you in the beginning, and when I got to know you... well, I guess that was the end of me.” 
You laughed lightly as you placed your hand on his shoulder, and the other in his hand. His hands rested on the curve of your clothed hip. 
“But today,” he smiled at you, “You looked absolutely gorgeous.”
“Don’t exaggerate, Jinyoung. If you were so taken by me,” you laughed, teasingly, giving him a look. You continued your words turning sour, “You would’ve chosen me.” 
“You know how things were back then, y/n,” Jinyoung sighed, he closed his eyes to take a deep breath. He opened them to stare into yours with so much emotion, you couldn’t breathe. 
“I looked for you, you know,” he spoke over the music. You couldn’t blink or breath as you stared at Jinyoung. His brows creased as if he was rethinking a painful event. “After I decided to end the engagement... after I broke it off, I looked for you. I searched for you, but I couldn’t find you anywhere.” 
“I- I went back home,” you whispered. You saw yourself laying in a pool of your vomit and urine, and your mother and father crying around your limp body. “I couldn’t stay here. Everyone was talking about you... it was too much.” 
“Y/n,” Jinyoung said, softly. You looked up to meet his gaze. “It’s nice to have you back. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” 
“Jinyoung-” 
“May I cut in?” 
“Always interrupting us, isn’t he, y/n?” 
You turned to find Jaebum glaring holes into Jinyoung’s head. 
“What if I say no?” Jinyoung pouted, teasingly. Jaebum sighed, his patience running thin. You looked around to see people already turning this way. 
“Stop it,” you gritted through your teeth at the both of the them, your lips holding a smile. “People are starting to look.” 
“I’ll dance with him for a bit,” you smiled at Jinyoung, “Thank you Jinyoung.” 
Jinyoung smiled back at you before giving you a cheeky wink. You chuckled watching him walk away. 
“You both seem closer than last time,” Jaebum said from behind you. You shrugged stepping closer to him placing a hand on his shoulder and the other in his hand. You were holding Jinyoung the same way a few moments ago, but somehow this felt different. 
The soft velvet of his jacket, the heat of his skin, the short hair tickling your fingertips at the nape of his neck. It was all somehow more intense, more intimate. 
Jaebum’s warm hands wrapped around yours as he took another step closer towards you. HIs other hand rested on your waist, pulling you in closer as it rested on the small of your back. His thumb caressed the exposed skin from your dress and you drew in a sharp breath. 
You didn’t say anything as you looked up at him. His dark eyes bore into yours, his lips drawn and tight. His jaw clenched and sharp, his black eyelashes gently fluttering across his cheekbones. 
He was beautiful. 
He was a sin in this all black suit made to precision for him. His hair was styled in-between completely swept back and lazy natural. His lips were rosy pink, and even without his lip-ring you wanted to taste them between your lips. 
You leaned closer to him. HIs thumb gently caressing your back, electricity dancing up your spine making your head spin. You welcomed his minty breath falling over your lips, as your eyes fell to his lips. And to his neck, watching as he swallowed nervously. Your gaze fluttered up to meet his eyes fixed on your face. 
You looked away from him feeling your cheeks flush, “Are you having a good time tonight, sir?” 
Jaebum only hummed in reply, his dark eyes still trained on you. 
Your eyes met his intense gaze for a moment before looking away instantly, “It’s a beautiful place, isn’t it?” 
“Yes, it is,” Jaebum said. You didn’t say anything more and bit your lip wondering if you should continue to dance with him or excuse yourself. 
You looked up at Jaebum, your hands letting go off him. 
Jaebum’s hand held yours tighter as he pulled you in closer by your waist. Your front was completely pressed against him now, and your body shivered as he leaned his lips close to your ear. 
You felt his warm breath caress the slope of your neck, and you closed your eyes letting the feeling sink deep within your bones. 
Jaebum drew his lips higher, his softness brushing against the shell of your ear as he whispered, “Thank you for everything, y/n.” 
You remained like that for a moment. Soaking in his presence, his heat, his touch, his breath, him somewhere deep inside your heart, and then you leaned back. 
“Thank you for giving me this opportunity, Mr Im,” you smiled up at him. 
Jaebum stared at you with an unreadable expression as his lips parted. 
“You must be glad you’ll be getting a proper secretary now,” you laughed, but there was no humour between you two. 
“I might not stay.”
“I know,” you nodded, “But if you do, I think it’ll be the biggest win for the company.”
Jaebum might be an asshole, a player; a complete fuckboy. But he was also hardworking, intelligent and gave his all into his work and accomplished a lot within the last three months you were working with him. 
“Loosing you is probably the biggest loss,” he said, pausing for a moment. “For me.” 
“I’m sure there are more qualified then me for this job.” 
“But I only want you, y/n.” 
You breath got caught at his words. Your wide eyes met his that stared at you as if you were the stars and the moon. As if once again you were presented to him as impossible puzzle, and he wanted to get lost in trying to solve you. 
He moved in closer, and lowered your gaze to avoid his heated ones. 
Jaebum lifted his hand from your waist. His fingertips brushed your cheeks with the slightest touch as he whispered, “You look beautiful, y/n.”
“Jaebum, stop it.” You began moving out of his arms, but he pulled you back in. His fingers digging into your waist as he held you steady in front of him. 
“Why?” His fevered breath fell over your face as you looked up at him. His eyes were wild with darkness, but it didn’t scare you. It only made you mad, so terribly horribly mad. 
“Why?” You spat, quietly. Your chest was heaving as you tried to control the anger that had been swelling inside you over the past month. 
“Don’t you think we’re past these little games of yours?” You sneered up at him. Your hand on his shoulder tightened as you tried to control yourself. “We already know I fell for it. Do you wanna see if I’ll fall for it again after being rejected once?” 
Jaebum didn’t say anything so you snorted. The sneer on your dark lips growing as you looked down your nose at him, “I won’t let you lead me on again, only to make a fool of me like that. I’m not going to play this sick game of yours.” 
Jaebum’s fingers bit harder into your waist making you gasp as he pulled you flush against him. HIs nose almost brushed against yours, as he breathed harshly, “A game? You think all of this was a game for me?” 
“What else could it be?” You snickered at him, both your hands flattening on his shoulder, trying to push him away with attracting any attention. But he wouldn’t budge a centimetre. You gritted through your teeth as you glared up at him, “Why else would you pretend to be into me? Play with me like that?”
Play with my feelings like that?
Jaebum’s hands rested on your exposed back as he held you steady against him. His jaw clenched, his eyes furious as he tried to control his breathing. 
“It wasn’t a game for me.” 
You ignored his words. 
“Then what was it?” You bit back. “You made it seem like you felt the same way only to reject me when I-”
“I didn’t reject you,” Jaebum cut you off. 
You began laughing mockingly, and Jaebum shook you slightly to make you look at him.  
You didn’t say anything and looked up at him, your lips parted in surprise. 
“Do you,” Jaebum whispered, leaning in closer to you as he leaned his forehead against yours. His eyes stirring golden as they stared into yours, his fingertips softly dancing on your back, causing fire to dance through your vines. “have any idea how crazy you make me, y/n?” 
Suddenly it was all too much. His touch, the way he was looking at you, the things he was saying. The lights shining down upon you two, the chattering of people around you. It all became to loud too much. Your heart beat loudly in your ear as you took a step away from him. 
Jaebum looked at you, expectantly. You stared him, unable to hear a single bought. The only thing you could hear was your heart beating thumping loudly in your ear. 
Your lips parted, you were going to say something. You weren’t sure what. Jaebum’s gaze fell to your lips, waiting for you to the say the words. You took another step back, not saying a single word. 
The smile on Jaebum’s lips dropped as your brows creased as a sudden panic before settling in your chest. You needed to get away.
“I-” you began. 
“Y/n!” You turned to saw a fury of red first, and then her smiling face as she jumped in front of you. “I didn’t know you were coming here.” 
Heather turned to Jaebum, placing a kiss on his cheek. His eyes remained on you, his face void of any emotions. 
Heather smiled at you, “Go away, JB. I won't let you steal my best friend.” 
// 
You were next to Heather the rest of the night, but your eyes still followed the man in the black suit. His sharp eyes met yours throughout the night, but every time you looked away. 
You were looking at him once again. There was something pleasant about his lips when he talked, and the way those whiskers appeared on his cheeks when he would smile or laugh brightly. You couldn’t look away from him no matter how hard you tried. 
You watched him talk to Park Jinyoung with a frown on his face, that deepened when Jinyoung looked your way and winked. His hard glaze travelled to you, as his lips drew into a straight line. 
You looked away once again, your cheeks on fire. 
“Are you okay?” Heather asked. You looked towards her to find her following your gaze to the pair of males. 
“Mhmm,” you nodded, taking a sip of the champagne.
You watched Heather take a sip too, but you noticed that knowing smile on her lips. 
This was all too dangerous.
162 notes · View notes
kenmascatears · 3 years
Text
Yours
You haven’t seen Shinso in a year, with him moving away for his job. So when you visit him, harboring secret feelings, you don’t know what to expect.
Genre: an actual plot, smut at the end, fluff
Warnings: alcohol usage, dubcon(sex under the influence of alcohol), public sex (bathroom), squirting, creampie, possessive themes during sex, multiple orgasms, slight dumbification (reader gets fucked out)
a/n: let me know if i forgot any warnings or if you want me to tag anything!
Word count - 3.8k
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“______!” You heard a voice call out to you. You had been weaving through hordes of people at the arrival gate for the past 10 minutes, lugging your suitcase behind you, looking for Shinso, who had promised to pick you up. 
You twisted your head around to try and locate the tall purple-haired man, but couldn’t spot him. Suddenly, you felt a tap on your back. Whirling around you turned to face the smiling man.
“Hitoshi!” You exclaimed, wrapping your arms around his frame and burying your face in his chest. 
Shinso laughed, and warmly returned the hug. The two of you stayed like that for a while, basking in the feeling of seeing one another again. 
He hadn’t changed since you had last seen him, the muscular arms encircling your back were the same ones that had hugged you when you had last seen each other. His cologne was still the same, you noted, the woody scent that invaded your nostrils was the same that he had worn for the past 5 years, ever since high school when he claimed it made him smell “manly.”
The two of you finally let go of one another and as you pulled away you noticed a flush covering his cheeks, You didn’t have time to dwell on it, however, as he took your suitcase into one hand, and yours in the other and began pulling you towards the exit.
“Shit your suitcase is heavy ______, did you bring your whole closet or something?” He asked, laughingly.
“Fuck off Toshi, I packed less this time and you know it.”
It was true, Shinso did know how much you had packed. The day before your flight you had called him in disarray, asking what kind of clothing you should bring and what activities the two of you would be doing. It had taken the purple-haired boy half an hour to convince you to bring what made you comfortable. 
It was always like that between the two of you. Shinso always grounded you, always took care of you. 
As the two of you shot jabs at one another on the way to the car, you began to slip back into the familiarity of his physical presence, having been limited to video calls and texts since he moved away for work.
Your conversation had calmed down and shifted to your plans for the week, by the time you got into the car, where you wanted to go and what you wanted to do. You hadn’t visited Shinso yet, nor had you been to the city and you were eager to explore everything.
Throughout the car ride, your energy had begun depleting, and as you arrived at Shinso’s apartment, you wanted nothing more than to eat a meal and pass out. However, as Shinso opened the door, the person in the kitchen was presenting a challenge. 
As the door clicked shut behind you, the figure turned your way, the expression on their face going from bewildered to excited.
As you and Shinso took off your shoes and removed your coats, the person rose from their spot at the table and spoke. 
“Shinso you didn’t tell me ______ was arriving this early! If I had known, I would have attempted to clean the apartment” His voice held no trace of malice, and you found yourself smiling at his words.
“Shove off Kaminari, you wouldn’t clean the apartment for the life of you. And I told you ______ was coming, your dumbass just forgot.”
You smoothed down the front of your outfit, suddenly self-conscious of your appearance. You knew Shinso had a roommate, he often spoke of the energetic blonde and you had seen him briefly on video calls, but you wanted to make a good first impression. Shinso noticed your hesitation and placed a hand on the small of your back, prodding you further into the room. 
Stepping forward to formally introduce yourself to Denki, you reached out your hand. To your surprise, he avoided your handshake and pulled you into a hug. 
You squeaked in surprise but quickly returned the favor, wrapping your arms around his lean frame. 
As he let go of you, stepping back, he spoke.
“It’s really great to meet you ____, Hitoshi has said so much about you over the past year. In fact, he won’t shut up about you.” He exclaimed, throwing a cheeky grin at Shinso.
You glanced inquisitively at Shinso who was suddenly staring intently at the carpet beneath his feet, pretending like he didn’t hear the statement. 
You turned back to Denki and smiled, “All good things I hope” you replied cheerily. 
“Nothing bad, just all about how you’re his best friend and your job and how much he depends on you, sometimes he acts like a schoolboy with a cr-“
“Kaminari,” Shinso cut him off, a blush spreading across his cheeks as he glared at the blond-haired boy, “you don’t need to repeat to her everything that I say.”
Your stomach flipped upside down as you processed Denki’s comment. You had been harboring feelings for Shinso for about half a year but hadn’t felt like he had felt the same way. 
Countless nights had been spent pondering your emotions, wondering if you should confess your feelings or keep them to yourself. And here Denki was, hinting towards Shinso liking you. You knew he hadn’t had a girlfriend in the past year, his excuse being that he wanted to focus on his career, but before that, he had gone through a slew of them. You never thought that he could like you, after all, you were simply friends.
Shinso touched your arm, breaking you out of your train of thought. “You good? You zoned out there for a second.”
You turned to look up at him and mustered a smile. “Yeah I just need some sleep and food in me, I’ve been up for almost 24 hours.” 
Shinso nodded in understanding, hand reaching up to ruffle his purple hair. “I’m about to heat up some leftovers for myself. I’ll make some for you as well. ”
You smiled at him in relief. “That would be great Hitoshi, thank you.”
“20 minutes?”
“Yeah, I’m gonna take a shower and get the airplane smell off of me if that's okay.”
“Yeah, of course, the bathroom is down the hall, first door on the right.”
After your much-needed shower, where you spent more time thinking about Shinso’s reaction to Denki’s comment than you should have, you were seated at the table with the two of them, downing some leftovers. 
In between the flurry of questions that Denki was sending your way, you realized something.
“Where am I gonna sleep?” You asked around a mouthful of noodles. You knew that the apartment Shinso and Denki lived in only had two bedrooms and not much room for guests. 
“You’re sleeping in my room and I’m taking the sofa.” Shinso replied decisively, twirling his fork around the noodles on his plate.
“Are you sure?” you asked worriedly. You knew Shinso didn’t sleep well and that sleeping on the sofa was going to cause him to get even less sleep.
“Yeah, I’m sure ______. You’re the guest here and if my mom caught wind of me having you sleep on the sofa I would never hear the end of it.”
After finishing up your meal, the three of you kept talking, sharing stories, and discussing what to do tomorrow. To Shinso’s dismay, you and Denki had bonded over a shared love of goading him, an act that continued throughout the evening. Eventually, you realized how tired you really were. Glancing at the clock, you stifled a yawn.
You stood up and began clearing your plate, stating that you were tired and it was best for you to go to bed. 
“I cleared my stuff from my room and there are spare blankets on the chair in there” Shinso replied, “Goodnight ______ and let me know if you need anything.”
“Yeah, goodnight _____” Denki chimed in.
“Goodnight guys.” You replied back, before heading down the hall to Shinso’s room. 
As you laid in bed that night, you played back your time knowing Shinso. He had always seemed more receptive and warm to you than the rest of his friends, but he’d told you during a drunken night a few months ago that he wasn’t looking for anyone at the moment. 
Exhaustion taking over, you drifted off to sleep.
****
The next few days went by quickly. Denki and Shinso took you around the city, visiting museums and monuments, or simply just walking around. At nights you guys hung out, watching movies, or going to explore the nightlife. 
The city fascinated you. Musutafu was a big city, but where Shinso lived now was even bigger. With bustling streets, buildings so tall they disappeared into the clouds, and more attractions than you could count, you loved it. 
You had grown closer to Denki over the course of the week, with him asking all about your life, and him telling you all about his. The blonde was a nice contrast to Shinso, who was usually reserved, the calm to the storm that Denki was. You hadn’t ignored the way he looked at you and Shinso when you interacted, however, staring at the two of you like you were a couple. You were only glad he hadn’t asked if you had feelings for Shinso. You didn’t think you could confess that to anyone yet.
You had realized a long time ago that you and Shinso were closer than the average friends, but for the longest time you had chalked it up to being lifelong best friends. 
You sighed, clutching the glass of water you held with both hands and lifting it to your lips. You supposed it wasn’t normal, the dynamic the two of you had, but you wanted to convince yourself otherwise. No use getting your hopes up for him to end up not having feelings for you. 
You were in a restaurant with Shinso and Denki, a few train stops away from their apartment. It was your second to last night with the two of them. For today's activity you had gone to an exhibit at a museum you wanted to see, and as the evening was coming to an end, so was your energy. 
Throughout the meal, you had been opting to sit and listen, or rather overthink in your head, instead of contributing to the conversation Shinso and Denki were holding, and Shinso, inquisitive as ever, noticed that. As Denki got up to use the washroom, he leaned towards you.
“______ Are you okay? You seem distant?” He inquired with a concerned look in his eyes.
You turned to face him, smiling gently at his expression. He was so adorable when worried, you mused, with his eyes crinkling softly and a small pout adorning his face. His hair was down today you noticed, the soft strands framing his face beautifully. He had once let you make little braids in it, and you reveled in the memory of his silky hair between your fingers. 
“Yeah I’m fine,” You finally replied, “I didn't know walking around a museum was so tiring. I might have to take a nap when we get back.”
Shinso laughed at your reply, “I didn’t know the girl who pulled all-nighters to study for final exams in high school couldn’t handle a little museum.”
You scoffed at his reply and punched his arm, “You’re the one who’s been taking naps at every opportunity. Have you not been sleeping enough?
Shinso gently shoved you back, ignoring your question and the momentum sent you into his body. You leaned against his arm, relishing the familiarity of him. You were going to miss that when you left.
Shinso’s arm moved, draping itself over your shoulders so you were now leaning against the side of his chest. You stayed like that for a few more seconds, the both of you basking in the softness and peace of the moment until Denki came back. 
As the three of you paid for your meals and left, the moment the two of you shared was still in your mind. The way you fit so perfectly next to him, almost as if it was meant to be.
The thought consumed you for the rest of the evening. It was at the forefront of your mind while you watched a movie, hyper-aware of Shinso’s body next to yours, knee bumping into yours every so often. It consumed you as you took a shower, as you bid the two boys goodnight, and it consumed your mind as you drifted off to sleep.
You woke up abruptly to a voice. Disoriented, you turned to the door to see Shinso standing there. 
“Are you okay?” You blearily inquired, checking the time which stood at 3:27. 
“The sofa is really uncomfortable and I can’t take it anymore” he whispered, “The spring keeps digging into my back and I was wondering if I could sleep with y-I mean not with you but like in the b-”
You cut off his rambling with a simple “Sure, I put the spare blanket on the chair if you want it.”
He thanked you and began to move towards you as you scooted towards the side of the bed to give him more space. 
Your heart was pounding. Even though you guys were best friends, you had never slept in the same bed before, and with your feelings toward him, you were getting anxious.
After Shinso had settled in, tucking the blanket around him, you bade him a good night, which he said back sleepily. 
You laid awake, not daring to move in fear of disturbing him. The bed was big enough for the both of you, you mused, and you could feel his warmth from where he was, could smell the remnants of his cologne. It seemed just right. This is how you had wanted it to be for so long, the two of you together,  
You woke up the next morning stiflingly hot and with a weight on top of you. In the course of the night, you and Shinso had found your way to the middle of the bed, covers puddled by your intertwined legs, while his arm was draped over your side, keeping you close to him. 
This is how it could be, you thought, lazy mornings curled up with Shinso in bed if you told him how you felt and if he reciprocated those feelings.
Shinso was still dead to the world, soft snores leaving his mouth. You watched him for a bit, not wanting to leave his side, nor the warmth he was providing you. When Shinso was asleep he looked at peace, almost childlike, in contrast to his usual blasé face. Smoothing your free hand over his forehead, you brushed some strands of hair away from his face. 
At the soft touch, Shinso stirred, dark purple eyes meeting yours. You smiled softly, uttering a “good morning” to him. He hummed in reply, raising his arm away from you to stretch. 
“ ‘m sorry about the contact,” he finally stated, voice scratchy, “I hope you didn’t mind it”
“No, it was fine,” you quickly replied, heat rising through your face, “You were warm anyways.”
He smiled, a slow, sleepy smile that made your heart melt. 
“Thanks for letting me sleep here,” he said, “I slept so much better than on the sofa.”
“You’re welcome Toshi,” you replied, “It was no big deal.”
Pulling away, you got out of bed, shivering at the loss of warmth that Shinso had provided. 
“I’m gonna get ready for the day, okay?”
****
That evening found you in a club a few blocks away from Shinso and Denki’s apartment. Denki had found someone and left a few hours ago, leaving you and Shinso alone. The two of you had been downing drink after drink, and they were starting to kick in, making your head all fuzzy and your actions unpredictable. 
Shinso, when drunk, wasn’t as serious and collected as he normally was. So when you asked him to dance, he accepted.
That found the two of you on the dance floor, Shinso opting to stand and sway to the music, while you danced to your heart's content around him. 
You always felt more carefree around him, felt safe and protected, and with the alcohol flowing freely through you, you had no qualms about sidling up to Shinso when a particularly suggestive song came on, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your body against his.
Shinso’s hand dropped to your hips, holding on to them as you moved. 
As you danced, chest to chest, you stared at his face in wonderment. 
The strobe lights made his face glow, the colors distorting his features. However through all the colors, through the haze, you could see one feature clearly, fierce, dark purple eyes, violently staring at you, almost as if he was trying to figure you out.
It was the alcohol that made you pull Shinso’s face level to yours.
It was the alcohol that asked him oh so boldly, “what’re you thinking about Toshi?” with your mouth pressed against his ear.
And it was the alcohol in Shinso that made him reply.
“I’m thinking about if I should kiss you.”
And it was the alcohol that pressed your lips to his, bodies flush against one another, in the middle of the dancing bodies.
That found you in the bathroom 10 minutes later, sitting on the sink, dress shoved up around your waist and underwear pushed to the side.
“Fuck Toshi,” you moaned out, dick dragging along your folds.
“You’re dripping,” Shinso said in amazement, staring at where the two of you connected. “So wet and all for me.”
He was enthralled, at how your little pussy was all stretched out for him. You were gripping him so tightly, pussy fluttering and creaming around his dick. 
The second he had slid his dick inside, you had come almost instantly, moaning and clinging onto him. At that moment, he knew you were made for him. Only he wanted to please you, to satisfy you. And he was determined to do just that. He wanted you drunk on his cock by the end of the evening. To send you home with the reminder of him. To make you unable to be satisfied by anyone by him. And most of all, he wanted to make you his.
“‘s so big Toshi” you moaned out, enraptured from the feeling of him so deep inside you, filling you up. Enraptured with the feeling of the alcohol that was flowing through your veins. 
His cock was filling you up so nicely, pressing against your gummy walls as you clung to him, legs wrapped around his waist. That was consuming your every thought, Toshi, Toshi, Toshi.  
You didn’t realize you were crying out his name until he gripped your chin, forcing you to look up at him.
“What do you want princess,” he asked lowly, eyes burning with desire.
“You Toshi, please, want your cock, wanna cum.”
With that, he began moving, hands gripping your hips tight enough to leave marks.
“Good girl,” he groaned out, “you’re taking me so well.”
And you were. With each thrust, he could see the translucent ring of slick you were leaving at the base of his cock, your juices dampening the neatly trimmed hair. 
You moaned out without regard to those outside the bathroom. Right now, there was no one but the two of you. All that mattered was right now was you and Shinso.
Wrapping your arms even tighter around his neck and arching your back to meet his thrusts, the new angle made him hit that little sweet spot inside of you, and you keened at the sensation. 
Your orgasm was building up fast, the knot in your stomach building up and Shinsou could tell.
“Hitoshi ‘m so close,” you cried out, head foggy.
Thumbing at your clit, he began thrusting faster, feeling you tighten up under his ministrations.  
It didn’t take much, and you were soon sent headfirst into an orgasm, the pleasure rippling through you. 
Shinso was convinced that the alcohol enhanced your orgasm, as you trembled and cried out, nails digging into his biceps. 
Continuing his ministrations, you were sent straight from your second orgasm, into your third. Maybe you hadn’t even come down from your second. 
Suddenly, your juices squirted from your cunt, coating your cock and his thighs, as you trembled and shrieked.
That was the most filthy and erotic thing Shinso had ever seen. You were completely fucked out, twitching underneath him, the only thing coming out of your mouth were broken moans and his name, over and over again.
The feeling of your walls gripping him, along with that visual sent Shinso towards his orgasm.
Shinso stilled, head falling into the crook of your neck, moaning, as he shot his load into you, your cunt milking him for all he was worth. 
As the two of you came down from your highs, he slowly pulled out, putting your panties in place to ensure that his cum wouldn’t leak out.
Even when drunk, Shinso was attentive.
"You okay ______?" He asked you softly.
You could only groan in reply, eyes fluttering. 
He had tired you out, and along with the alcohol, you had reached your limits.
"'m fine Toshi" you managed to get out, "just wanna go home with you."
Adjusting your dress, he scooped you up, in his arms and took you home.
****
The next morning, you woke up with an ache between your legs, a pounding in your head, and a warmth next to you.
Groaning, you turned to the source of heat.
"Good morning," Shinso said, leaning over to grab some painkillers and a glass of water before handing it to you. "Do you remember last night?"
You downed the pill and water, before turning to face Shinso. "Yeah, I remember the club and bathroom."
Shinso hesitated before speaking, his voice quiet, "D-Did you regret it? Did I push you too far? We were both drunk and I know that might have impacted your judg-"
"Toshi, I wanted what happened last night. I like you Toshi, and I always have. And I hope you like me too. And if you don't, we can forget all about last night." 
As you spoke those words, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders. After all those years, you had finally confessed to Shinso how you felt, and it felt calming, to know it was in the open now.
Shinso blinked, and a slow smile grew across his face. Pulling you closer towards him, he cupped your face, planting a soft kiss on your lips. 
"I like you too ______," he said against your lips, "and I want you to be mine."
You kissed him back eagerly, arms wrapping around his neck. 
As you pulled away, with the sun filtering in through the curtains, creating a halo around you, you spoke.
"I would love to be yours Hitoshi."
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