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imtooscaredforthis · 3 months

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Antagonist

Chapter Twenty Five: Red Handed

Mentions of: NSFW Mentions, Slight Voyeurism, Frank being a jealous bastard, Poor Leon, Stabbing, Hooking, Character Death (not rlly tho), cheating, and pining

A/N: I’m really happy w how this chapter turned out :))

Tags: @vandeaad @prettycutebunny @mama-miya

@dead-bxxxxtch-walking

Frank had fucked up…again. He sat outside the ski lodge, smoking a cigarette on the curb. He and Julie had gotten into yet another fight. This time it ended with him getting kicked out. Things had been escalating between them ever since what happened with you.

This is all your fault. You ended everything with him just because he lost his cool and said something he didn’t mean and now he has nowhere to go to unwind and he’s much more irritable than before. While The Legion is his family, the others aren’t completly understanding and Julie can be a bit much at times, always wanting to be with him, practically breathing down his neck. He used to find it endearing. No one had ever wanted to be around him that much before. Now it’s just irritating.

He wasn’t going to apologize. Not again. Not unless he thought he was wrong, which he wasn’t. It was your fault for having such high expectations of him. He had the role of a killer. You knew who and what he was, and you still trusted him anyway. You thought he actually cared.

He did care..kind of. He had grown accustomed to the Entity’s realm and he had no idea how he would function if he got back to the real world. This was probably the best outcome for him: hurting people and taking out all his pain, suffering, and rage, maximizing his true potential. He also had his group and you. He was mainly helping you because he was bored..at first..but then you got him all invested, and seeing how determined and happy you were made him feel weird and fuzzy inside.

When you started to get close he got scared. If you somehow managed to escape, he could lose you. He didn’t want that.

The two of you were so different, on opposite sides of the spectrum, and yet, he felt like no one understood him as well as you did. Julie understood his hatred and anger, she understood his desire to hurt. But you understood him, and what made him like this, what made him tick. You knew the suffering he’s gone through, and all the vulnerabilities he’s tried to cover up and bury. You saw through him, you knew what he really was, and you hung out with him anyway. Even the things you said about him during that fight were true..his fears of being alone, his loneliness, and his pain. You know him, and he doesn’t know if he loves or hates it.

He hasn’t seen you since your argument, not even in a trial. You were already punishing him, so of course The Entity had to too. Out of his stubbornness, he didn’t want to go back. A part of him hoped that you would come to him first. But you didn’t. You hadn’t even bothered to see Susie. He refused to ever think about it or even say it, but he missed you. There was a longing, a pull in his chest that made him desperately want to see you, to talk with you, to joke with you, to smoke with you…to touch you.

“Fuck it.” He muttered under his breath, putting out his cigarette. He swallowed his pride and slowly rose to his feet, setting out to see you.

–

The cabins were eerily quiet when he arrived. It was probably late at night for the survivors, he assumed. Taking a deep breath, he approached your cabin. He slowly crept out of the woods, seeing a warm light coming from your window. His heart pounded in his chest at the thought of seeing you, and he peeked through the window, unable to help himself, but what he saw made his heart drop.

You were fucking Leon.

He watched as your naked body moved over Leon’s in a hypnotic rhythm, your face contorted into a look of pure pleasure, your fingers threading through his hair while he sucked on your breast.

It was like a car crash. He couldn’t look away, no matter how much he wanted to. Even though fiery and painful feelings of jealousy were rising in his chest, even though he wanted to tear Leon’s head off, he kept watching.

You were beautiful and mesmerizing and he couldn’t tell what he wanted more, to have Leon gone so he could get a better view, or if he could be in Leon’s place, having you ride him to your heart’s content.

God, he wanted you but he was also so fucking angry. His face was all flushed and his cock was getting hard and his hands were balled up into tight fists, tight enough for his nails to dig into his skin.

So he stayed and watched until even after you were finished and he left, even after you had fallen asleep. He stood and stared at you for a very long time until he was inevitably summoned to a trial.

–

“Where’s Leon?” You asked Feng. There had been no sign of him since the start of the trial, nor had there been a sign of a killer. At first you thought that was a good thing, but Leon could only hold the killer off for so long.

She winced. “He’s getting tunneled. Don’t worry about him. It’ll do us all some good. We only have two generators left after all.”

“I guess so.” You muttered. Once you finished the generator, you split away from Feng, searching for Leon.

It didn’t take long to find him hanging from a hook, but you didn’t expect Frank to be his killer. You watched as he struck Leon repeatedly, stabbing him with his knife while he was on the hook, making him cry out more. Normally, you would walk away and take your teammate’s sacrifice, but because it was Leon and Frank, you decided to do something about it.

“What the hell are you doing?” You hissed, striding up to Frank. Leon hoarsely whispered your name, warning you. You weren’t afraid. You knew he wouldn’t hurt you. He ignored you and continued to cut Leon up.

“Frank, Frank! Will you quit acting like a fucking brat and talk to me?” You stepped in front of Leon, grabbing Frank’s arm mid-strike. Leon was confused by how willing you were to be so close to the killer and how unafraid you were. Not to mention how you were talking to him with such familiarity. It was strange.

Finally, he turned to face you and tore his hand from your grip, the expression on his face icy and cold. He glowered at you. “I know what happened with you and Leon. I saw it.”

As the realization hit you, your face suddenly felt really hot and you felt a mix of anger, embarrassment, and confusion. You opened your mouth to speak, but before you could, a loud noise rang in your ears and the ground trembled. You gazed up at the sky, watching as Leon’s lifeless body was lifted into the dark cloud in the sky, sacrificed to The Entity.

You frowned at Frank. “We’ll talk about this later.”

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spacedykez · 2 years

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So You Want To Watch Lifesteal

It’s happened. You’ve been seeing your mutual/followed blog reblog posts about this SMP called “Lifesteal” that apparently has some sort of gay clown? You’re intruiged. Well, couldn’t hurt to check it out, right? Maybe the gays got to you. Maybe you’ve seen the crystal demon. Maybe you’ve just seen some sick art. Whatever it was, you’ve seen something that prompted you to go “huh. maybe i should check this thing out!”

Now you’re wondering- so how do I watch this thing? Where do I start? What’s it about? Never fear! You’re in exactly the right place! Here’s the post that will walk you through how to get started watching this Lifesteal SMP thing (and maybe joining in Tumblr’s collective brainrot).

What Is Lifesteal? Let’s start with the basics. Lifesteal is a Minecraft SMP- okay. Maybe not that basic. I’m sure you know the drill. So what’s the “thing” with Lifesteal, then? What’s it all about?

Lifesteal’s premise is that when you die, you lose a heart off of your permanant health bar. This one!

Now here’s the twist that makes it fun: when you kill another player, you get their heart. So if you’re both on ten hearts, and you kill someone else, their healthbar will drop to nine and yours will increase to eleven!

This is why you see so much heart imagery in fanart, and why if you see screenshots/watch videos, their health bars are rarely at ten hearts. Pretty simple, right?

Yep, mostly. Some other things you should know about the life system are that players can choose to “withdraw” their hearts, which means they remove hearts from their health by choice. They appear as nether stars in a player’s inventory. This feature is typically used for trading hearts (although usually a little more... violent) and giving hearts to allies- hearts can be stored and thrown like normal items, and a player can use the item to add a heart to their health bar (the item will vanish from their inventory).

And of course once you reach zero hearts, you’re banned from the SMP. That’s it, it’s over. Unless someone chooses to revive you. That’s pretty rare though, so mostly 0 hearts = death!

But in the cases where players are revived, it’s with the use of a special item that looks like a beacon, crafted with 4 nether stars, 4 hearts, and an elytra. Hearts in this case can function like nether stars- you can use 8 hearts and an elytra to craft the beacon. It’s very expensive, which is why it’s not used often.

Okay, great! So where do I start watching? So first, you’ll want to know that Lifesteal has four seasons so far- no! wait! don’t let that scare you off! please come back! Phew, okay. You’re still here? Alright! I was just about to tell you that you don’t have to watch them in order, don’t worry! You can start on Season One, but you really don’t need to. Most people start on Season 3 for The Gays™️ or Season Two for Clownpierce.

The most common recommendation you’ll see for new viewers is to watch Clownpierce and Branzy (yes, they’re the gays your dash won’t shut up about). Branzy doesn’t appear until Season 3, though, and he only has 6 Lifesteal episodes (find them here). Clown’s been here a bit longer, and you can find his videos here. Oh, and here’s the s3 branzypierce playlist.

What’s Branzypierce? Branzypierce, also known as Clownzy, is the ship name of BranzyCraft and Clownpierce. They’re the most popular ship here in the fandom, because it’s basically canon. I wish i was joking. Just. Click this.

But if you’re not interested in just Clown and Branzy, or you’ve already watched them and looking to find more people to watch, then keep on reading! There’s plenty more below. Before we get into it, if you want a list of s3 events and how to watch them, look no further than this post. And keep in mind, most Lifesteal videos are self-contained enough that you can watch them without prior knowledge! You almost don’t even have to watch anyone’s series in order from what I’ve found.

Starting us off, just. Ashswagg. Communism and God. I really can’t explain him to you just please go watch it. It’s only three videos I promise.

Okay, okay, now go HERE to find more channel recommendations. I would link them below, but it’d just be copying the post. my personal advice: rekrap for escapes, clown for pvp, parrot for strategy, yeahjaron for minecraft farms, reddoons for capitalism, ashwag for communism/god, and branzy for the gays! have fun!

Side note: I would not reccommend you start with this, but if you want to here is all of S3 in order!

And oh, hey! Exclusive, just for you! Here’s a quick post with other fun duos besides Branzypierce!

What about Season 4? You may have noticed that all the links led to S3 playlists. Good job! That’s because S4 has just started and there’s not much content. Before you get into S4, you should know there’s a new system implemented that limits the armor and tools players can get- info here.

Now how to watch it? The s4 playlist, or go here! It’s got everything you need. There’s not much so far, though, so I wouldn’t try to watch it if you’re just looking to get into Lifesteal in general! Watch s3 to get content!

Do any of them stream? Yes! Not all of them do, but there are a good few Lifesteal streamers. First up, ItzSubz has Something going on over there, so go check that out. And Don Turnt streams Lifesteal fairly often. Not sure if any of the others stream regularly, but here’s the list of all their channels!

Alright, so where do I go for Tumblr content? Woo, you’ve been dragged in! You’ve checked out a couple videos! Now please, step right up to a list that is rapidly growing as Lifesteal skyrockets in popularity here on Tumblr!

Looking for incredible art? Our two main dedicated and amazing artists are @kishdoodles and @ghostpajamas, who are probably responsible for dragging most of us here (/lh! thanks guys! you’re awesome!)

If you have questions or want to know more about Lifesteal, I’d reccommend Ghost and @branzypierce, who I will never stop promoting as our resident experts. I’ve heard @rendogdomesticated also knows quite a bit, especially when it comes to Subz!

(a/n: please add onto this list! the four users i’ve linked are the blogs i know of who i see posting Lifesteal content and who know more in-depth information about Lifesteal. I will add more blogs to this list, and I’m very sorry if I missed anyone!)

That’s it, folks! I’m sure more information will be added to this post as is needed! Anything I should add? Let me know!

#lifesteal smp #lifesteal #resources #the otter splashes #please oh my god this took so long #pacific's hit posts #the otter advertises

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professional-idiots · 5 months

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TBHK Ch.110–Thoughts and feelings

1. I don’t even know what to say about this. LIKE!!?!!?! Especially because Akane always said that supernaturals only ever think about themselves!!! GUYS… I wonder if this is gonna affect him as a character and his outlook on the supernatural (anyway they’re literally siblings and I was sobbing)

2. SOOO CURIOUS ABOUT THIS!!!! What’s the significance?? Is it a functional key? Probably… and if so what does it open?? Maybe it controls the clock somehow???? So many possibilities 😭

3. WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM. This is my SON. I love him so much and I was so happy natsuhiko went to go find him 😭😭😭😭

4. He trusts him so fully!!! He genuinely thought natsuhiko was coming to save him!! He thought they were—if not friends then at least *friendly* HE THOUGHT HE COULD TRUST HIM

5. When I tell you my heart DROPPED (but I am excited by all this yorishiro talk—more on that later)

6. TBHK character stop shoving strange substances into Mitsuba’s mouth challenge (level: impossible)

7. MYYYY BABY MY BABY YOURE MY BABY SAY IT TO ME!!! IIIII BET ON LOSING DOGGGSSSSS

(AND ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF HIS PREVIOUS ALMOST DEATH)

8. Friendly reminder that Teru is the worst boyfriend ever (he’s actively watching Akane eat shit)

9. I need someone with better media literacy than me to explain what the FUCK is up with these guys bc I feel like I know but like I don’t…. Every time I think I understand shit gets weird again. Like I’m following the story but I cannot analyze this

10. HIS FACCEEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭

OK THIS CHAPTER WAS AMAZING!!! I’m so scared for 111 bc WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN!!!! I have so many theories and ideas and ughughughugh it was so good (even though everything that happened was bad) 8/10 (I’m giving this rating kind of arbitrarily so don’t read into it too much)

So on the yorishiro thing: I think Kou might become Mitsuba’s Yorishiro. Now I know people can become them but can living people… I dunno. However, I think it’s really likely. I’m wracking my brain on what all this Mitsuba would have to value. Not his camera because that was Sousuke’s thing. And if not his camera, then what? Kou is the one thing/person that Mitsuba has grown truly attached to.

So I think next chapter Mitsuba will be dying, but Kou will somehow be able to break from the time thingy (either he wills himself awake—like has a power flare in defense of Mitsuba—or maybe someone helps him—but who 😭) and goes over to Mitsuba and while he’s crying and being all Kou, Mitsuba is gonna like think about Kou (maybe call him his friend for the first time) and somehow in the moment Kou will become Mitsuba’s yorishiro. TRUST GUYS TRUST.

Also on Mitsuba and Kou:

POOR KOU. He looked up to natsuhiko so much when they met right before the severance 😭😭 if he’s close enough, he would’ve SEEN everything happening to Mitsuba.

And also POOR MITSUBA. He trusted natsuhiko!!!!! The good news is that Mitsuba will probably fully shift sides now and possibly make a more direct effort to help Kou Yahsiro and Hanako. Genuinely though, his mom is hurt, *he* is hurt, his friend(ish) betrayed him. My poor baby 😭 why do AidaIro hate himmmm.

I would say something super smart and informed about the twins now, but as I said: nothing about them makes any sense to me.

Ugh I seriously don’t think I can wait till next monthhhhh!!!! If AidaIro lose it and actually kill off Mitsuba…. I don’t even know what I’m gonna do. 111 better be good or else 😭

#i have so many thoughts #I will cry if Mitsuba dies #(again)#jibaku shoujo hanako kun #tbhk #toilet bound hanako kun #hanako kun #tbhk manga #kou minamoto #mitsukou #mitsuba sousuke #TBHK ch 110 #tbhk theory #thbk ch 111 predictions #jshk hanako

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butterflyinthewell · 4 months

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Changes.

I cried out to my choir a few weeks back about what’s going on and Greg, who owns a home care company like Visiting Angels (but something else, like Care At Home), got in touch with my mom and literally donated a person’s help to us after seeing what a disaster our lives are. I’m still gobsmacked. This restored my faith in God caring when it was just about to fray apart. Maybe He realized He was going to lose me and reached out to prevent that.

So we have D coming over twice a week for a few hours. Mom showed him the ropes for how we deal with dad’s toileting and changing the chux pads on the bed since those are the biggest problem for mom since it hurts her back bending over to do that.

It’s not much, but mom can have a break since D will do things like bathing, toileting, stuff like that. If mom and I want to go out for a short time, we can. It’s Mondays and Wednesdays, but it’s something. I think it’s going to help in the long run.

Dad likes D, and D likes sports, so they’ll get along.

Moving on…

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday. She wouldn’t diagnose me with PTSD even though I think I could have it, but she put me on Zoloft because she said it’s clear I have severe anxiety and depression, especially after I admitted to suicidal ideation. Zoloft treats things like anxiety, depression, ptsd and pmdd, so I think I’m covered there. She’s aware that my symptoms went away when my dad was gone in the rehab facility and that he’s the cause of it all, but because I can’t leave she felt it was best for me to get on meds so I can at least function again.

I took my first dose today and I intend to document my journey. Depression is nothing like I thought it was. It wants me to not care, wants me to think nobody else cares, wants me to stay silent, wants me to shrivel up, and sometimes I rage so hard I scare everybody around me.

But it wants me silent. I decided to talk instead.

The meds won’t show any change for a few weeks, so I don’t know what to expect or if I’ll notice a difference. So taking videos can also be a way to measure the changes. Most of my videos will probably be long and rambly because I’m incapable of being concise when I talk. Sorry.

I’m fighting for my life here and I’m scared.

Link under a cut so it doesn’t get pulled out of tags.

#actuallyautistic #depression #anxiety #meds #dad issues #ongoing drama in my house #AFBV

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justabittraumatized · 2 years

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It rly hurt as an eldest daughter realizing at an extremely young age that ur parents can’t rly be parents, and feeling like it’s ur duty to care for ur siblings so that they never feel as shitty as u felt and never get as damaged as u did. it’s rly hard when all u wanna do is just leave and start a whole new life just for urself, but u feel like u can’t just leave ur siblings in the hands of ppl who won’t know how to handle them properly. u feel like u can’t leave those same ppl to their own devices either, bc u realized how hurt and vulnerable they rly are, how they’re just like kids and need someone to talk to(especially ur mother), how they are failed. even if they treated u like shit, u as an eldest daughter took the time to see where all their anger came from, even if they never did the same to understand u as u did for them. as an eldest daughter u feel u owe them the happiness that u think they got depraved of bc of u, even if they never showed u an ounce of that compassion like u do them. so then u realize u will probably always be split between this crushing feeling of duty as an eldest sister/daughter, and wanting to be ur own free person, the way u never got to be. it’s realizing ur too scared to leave, bc u don’t know if u could handle the guilt, the pain of feeling like ur selfish, like u betrayed the ppl who need u most, like u failed at ur job of being there for them, like u broke the family bc u had the burden of holding it together. it sucks when no one ever acknowledges the amount of mental energy, how much of urself u lose, how much pain and damage u sustain of being the one thing holding the family together, the only person who even bothers to be there for everyone, even if ur the one who got the most mistreatment and got failed over and over again. how much pure strength it takes, when ur not even there for urself, when u loathe urself to no end, when ur constantly on the edge of just giving up, when ur barely functioning to keep urself together.

To all eldest daughters and sisters: I see you. I see you, and I know how fucking hard it is. You were always doing an amazing job, even if this job wasn’t yours to do. I’m sorry u got failed. I’m sorry u feel invisible and like u have to be perfect just to get crumbs of acknowledgment. I acknowledge you. I wish u find happiness, I wish u find urself. I wish u will find ppl that would love u unconditionally, that would acknowledge you, make you feel special. Because you are special. You deserve all the love and happiness in the world.

#toxic family #parentified child #eldest daughter #eldest daughter syndrome #eldest sister #eldest sibling #what I wish someone told me

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siffrin-enthusiast · 2 months

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angry system and radqueer/“transdisabled” vent here, interactions okay except for radqueers. make your own post and keep it far away from real disabled people. tws for mentions of death, trauma, and hospitals.

this is not syscourse. this is my experience as a traumagenic system. this is not a commentary on anyone else except for radqueers.

i truly despise how sometimes DID is seen as a “quirky” or “fun” disorder where you get your favorite characters as imaginary friends. do you know why i split one of my silly fictional characters? for reasons i won’t disclose because i know basic internet safety, i almost died as a child. i came very, very close to dying. i was in the hospital for months and all i had to keep me from thinking that god, i nearly died was a fictional character. as much as i post about loving my system (which i really do! they saved me!) it is undoubtedly the worst thing that has ever happened to us. i would never wish this upon anyone. if i could be a singlet, if i could be whole, i would. everyone in this brain would make the same decision.

i make light of it because for the i’m going to be stuck here with living, breathing reminders of my worst traumas and if i don’t joke about it, i’m going to lose it. i only remember my early life through flashbacks. most days are a blur, weeks and months slipping by in a few blinks. i’m barely remembering to go to my college classes, and when i manage to get there (on time, too!), i don’t remember the lectures anyway. i might have to drop out until my therapist and i can figure out something to stop my body from thinking i’m going to be hurt again every time i walk into a classroom. i’m about to lose it.

i’m too tired for “syscourse”. i really am. but while we’re here, radqueer “build a headmate!!” things? you’re fucking sick. do you know that? you’re sick in the head. log off and go to a real mental health professional. “transDID” is sick. it wasn’t enough to fake it? you had to make a mockery of us, too? are you happy, loudly proclaiming that you’re roleplaying having a horrible mental illness? aren’t you ashamed? (i know they’re not. that would require them to care about anyone besides themselves.) there’s a reason none of the “transdisabled” people go to therapy, and it’s because they know they’d be rightfully diagnosed with factitious disorder. i sincerely hope you all find therapists who can provide you with what you actually need, because i promise it’s not roleplaying mental disorders on tumblr. in the meantime, i’m blocking and moving on. i’ve cried enough tears over my disorder and i know i’ll cry more of them. i’m not letting you add to my suffering.

DID/OSDD isn’t a joke or a game. it’s the result of repeated, continuous childhood trauma that the brain has no choice but to break itself in pieces to hide the trauma from itself. it ruined my life. it still ruins my life. it’s taken years in therapy to get to the point of knowing why i’m so dysfunctional, and it’ll take many years more to start becoming more functional. i make light of it here because this is my escape, for a moment, where i can be a normal, happy person instead of a traumatized shell of an adult who is really still the scared kid that wasn’t supposed to make it this long. i don’t have “friends” in my head. i have fragments of my psyche clinging to whatever takes me away from the flashbacks. do you understand?

#radqueers dni #i will not respond. i will just block and move on #not syscourse #sharing MY experience as a system this isn’t about anyone else #actually plural #actually did #tw vent #vent post #kuiper system posting

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theleechyskrunkly · 15 days

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VENT! Heed warnings in the tags.

honestly I’m so scared of adulthood. And exams. What do you mean that for me to be a functioning member of society I have to know how to find the area of a triangle and the mass of the moon? What do you mean one day I’m gonna have to wake up everyday, go to work, and realize 80% of what I cried over and what ruined my mental health in school is gonna be useless to my day to day life?

with the way this world works, I just want to live my teenage years at full blast (which I’m not allowed to) and then just die early. I don’t wanna live past 25 years of age because then I’ll constantly be haunted with the constant “when are you having kids? When will you mature? Do you have a partner? Do you have a good job? When will you become a lawyer?” And so on.

The school system is driving me insane. Why do I feel like if I don’t pass this math test I’m not worth anything? Why do I feel dumb, stupid, incapable of understanding what everyone is? Why do I feel like crying because I don’t have all As? Why is everything so tough to keep up with? Why do I have to study 8 different things everyday for years just to forget everything and work an underpaying job that will barely help me get through in this economy?

why am I, as a teen, already worrying about how I’m gonna pay bills in the future? How I’m gonna pay taxes, what career I should take, how will I take care of my parents when they’re old and incapable of working anymore, what I’m gonna do when they die, how will I take care of my sister?

i just don’t get why I can’t enjoy myself the way my friends do. Going out and having fun and getting good grades and being model students and teens in general. Why am I so different? Why am I locked up at home without even being allowed my phone despite being a good behaving daughter? I don’t do drugs, I don’t vape nor smoke, I don’t cheat, I don’t tell my address to random people, I don’t talk to strangers on the street, I don’t sneak out. So why is it that I’m such a horrible daughter? Why am I worse than my 24 year old brother in me mother’s eyes, despite him raping me? Harassing me? Beating me for years straight? Why am I worse that him just because I didn’t do the dishes or told a lie or used my phone for too long? Why am I always the problem? Why can’t I be allowed to make a mistake, once or twice?

why is it always me? Always always ALWAYS me.

i just don’t feel alive. Nor do I feel like living. What if we live and die and it runs out there’s nothing after we die. We just lose consciousness and never wake again. Then what was it all for? All the studying, the crying, the hurting. What was it all for? What is it all for?

#Vent #vent post #vent tw #personal vent #venting #tw sa mention #tw sa implied #tw sa #tw sa vent #tw sex assault #tw child abuse #tw abuse #tw inc*st #tw rape #tw noncon #rapesurvivor #sa tw #sa survivor #trauma

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disappointment-san · 1 year

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Thoughts On Lucifer in Lesson 11

Spoilers for Obey Me! Nightbringer below

I’ve seen people everywhere ragging on Lucifer for his reaction and him coming to murder us. I’m just gonna say it - Belphie 2.0:electric Boogaloo. I do see it from his perspective. Like… From his perspective.

Some rando demon shows up at a RAD, a place where YOU and YOUR FAMILY will be heavily contributing to its function, at the exact same time you are there for your first tour.

A demon who CONVENIENTLY LOST THEIR MEMORIES and claims to not know who you/your family/THE DAMN CROWN PRINCE OF DEVILDOM is.

A “demon” who can LITERALLY FORCE HIM AND HIM BROTHERS TO DO WHAT THEY WANT. (“STAY!”)

Who turns out to be VERY CLOSE with SOLOMON - the only human that is a real danger to most demons

One who can read you and your brothers like a book

Who got Very close to his brothers almost immediately

Oh yeah.. WHO LIED TO THEM ABOUT BEING A DEMON. THEY ARE A HUMAN THAT HAS NO REASON TO BE IN DEVILDOM

Who seems to be involved in everything your brothers are getting into

Among a bunch of other things.

He’s still dealing with the trauma of not being able to save his sister, I would argue the person he loved the most. He is heavily responsible for casting him and his brothers down into Devildom and losing their Blessings.

MC is a threat to him and his entire family.

Yeah, he was upset and angry they were lied to. He is scared of losing his family all over again.

I do agree premeditated murder is a bit much, however, I’m just gonna say it. If someone hurt/killed someone in my family, I would not be sitting by if someone came by and was very obviously could pose a threat to the rest of my family. I doubt I would literally try to murder them, but still…

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wolfsuggest · 9 months

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I just think it would be really funny if it’s AU (I say AU cause I’m not saying post-show because fuck everything after *insert least fave season here for me it’s Ally’s death that made me just give up lmao* so all my faves are alive but like. None of That happened lol) and every two weeks the pack that’s still in Beacon Hills shows up to go camping in the woods. But like, nice camping. So they stick the parents in nice tents with camping mattresses that won’t hurt their backs and everyone else swaps between puppy piles (they lose boundaries closer to full moons) or nice nests.

But like. Peter is still a bitch. So obviously he started off with the biggest and best tent. Lydia and Allison have the second biggest but they’re even less snobby than him somehow. Stiles ends up extracting himself from a puppy pile wrapped up in a blanket and looking annoyed and tired cause they’re uncomfy af only to find Peter sitting in a full ass glamping style setup with an armchair and a book, and just without thinking about it climbs into Peter’s bed to pass out because fuck that Scott keeps running in his sleep and it’s so annoying.

So the next time they go out Peter hands him a nicer camping mattress.

And the next time it’s a better blanket and pajama set. And then it was a couple random comics when Stiles got bored. And fancy coffee during a morning even tho Peter claimed he would never make one of those little feral idiots his 50$ a cup coffee. And then a full ass new tent because Stiles got kept up all night one night and became so cranky even the Sheriff was like ‘kiddo, calm ur shit ur scaring the wildlife’ and Peter found it SUPER funny but also he’s afraid Derek’s bad morning personality would clash with Stiles’ and they’d kill each other. He’d even put money on the little one okay. Stiles looks like he could bite to the bone if tempted. So a nice new tent. And suddenly Stiles is regularly well slept. But, Peter misses those few times Stiles would crankily make his way to Peter’s tent and stink up Peter’s bed with human idiot smell. So he’s gotta get that attention back so he’s getting him new random things. New blanket, new pillowcase (not new pillow, he knows that rule) new pajamas, new slippers, steal an old blanket but it’s okay cause you got a new one lmao we know this trick Peter.

But then Derek is just sitting there wondering why Peter thinks he’s getting away with smelling like human idiot. He doesn’t Peter just also doesn’t care. And then suddenly that really confusing zip on tunnel that led from Peter’s tent to Stiles’ and ended up getting removed after the first time Stiles tiredly climbed into bed with him only to remember he got up to pee and now he barely made it and Peter laughed a lot but allowed the fragile human to keep his dignity and get rid of it but keeps waking up to a young adult on his chest anyways.

Anyways. Their wedding ends up being outdoors at this point okay they’re just gonna get married in the family camping grounds (where they keep the shed with all their camping gear so they don’t have to drag it back and forth and with three fully functional bathrooms in it because Peter is snooty and didn’t wanna be out here to begin with) and Peter’s snobby rich asshole college friends who haven’t seen him in years all got invited because he realized showing them he camps now is literally the funniest prank ever because they’ll think he’s trash now and won’t even realize that this is Peter’s version of being a rich snob too.

#steter #stiles stilinski #Peter hale #teen wolf

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sleepingdeath-light · 1 year

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s/o who isn’t afraid of the curse hcs ; eda

requested by ; anonymous (16/08/22)

fandom(s) ; the owl house

fandom masterlist(s) ; here

character(s) ; edalyn clawthorne

outline ; “So y'know that interpretation of werewolves where the only major reason their beast form is completely feral is the sheer confusion, disorientation, and fear that comes with such a transformation? And that if you could coax them out of that headspace, they'd be pretty lucid? I've long seen Eda's curse as functioning similarly. So how do you think she'd do with an s/o who's not unafraid, but still much more willing to work with her in that form. Help her beast form not have a full blown panic and to not lash out every transformation. That sort of thing”

warning(s) ; canon typical references to violence, the owl beast being the owl beast

for most of her life eda had been terrified of her curse because of how volatile and animalistic she becomes under its influence

she permanently disfigured her father and caused him to struggle with keeping up his carving

it ended her relationship with raine because she was so afraid and insecure about it and felt like she couldn’t tell anyone about her affliction

she became isolated for years because of her curse and her status as a wild witch — hunted down even by her own sister, leaving her with nobody in the world to turn to

nobody but hooty and owlbert and, eventually, king — but no other witch because she was such an outsider

and then she found you

you, who was able to match her energy beat for beat

you, who stood by her despite the consistent threats to your life that you faced because of her

you, who tended to her and comforted her at her lowest — when she couldn’t take her of herself

you, who faced the dangers of the night market to fetch her the potions she needed when she was too scared to go out

you, who she loved more than herself

you, who she was terrified of losing to the curse one way or another

she spends so long fretting and hiding any signs of the curse from you that she forgets just how empathetic and determined you are

and when she runs out of her potions and starts to transform she’s hyperventilating and panicking because you’re in the house and she doesn’t want to hurt you and she can’t hurt you not now now ever…

and then you find her and you’re not scared

not when her body contorts and twists in ways that are unnatural and painful even just to watch

not when her voice deepens and echoes and warps to a bone-shaking tone

not when she’s more claw and feather than witch

not even as her pleas for you to flee and hide morph into owlish screeches and monstrous cries

not ever.

you still look at her with the same amount of love and you comfort her — comfort her — with gentle reassurances and gentle touches and gentle words

‘eda, it’s alright, i’m here’

‘you don’t have to be alone anymore’

‘i love you, and nothing is going to change that’

‘come here, love, you don’t have to hide. not from me’

and whilst it’s not eda that cowers in the corner and screeches at you and bares it’s teeth — whilst it’s not eda who regards you with hesitation and something close to fear — you can still see eda in the way the beast relaxes and it’s snarl fades into a whimper, you can hear her in the whines and purrs that the beast lets out when you draw near and press your forehead against it’s own

it’s not eda, you know that, but she’s still in there and the owl beast isn’t something you can find it in yourself to fear

not when it soothes and cooes at your affections

not when it leans into your touches and pats with an intense affection that has you giggling

not when it drags you into its nest and settles in around you, more cat that beast, and slowly drifts off to sleep

so like eda and yet not at all her; totally different and, yet, totally the same somehow

and the next morning, when eda is eda again and not the beast, she’ll recall pieces of your night and smile

in awe of your loyalty and laughing at herself for thinking that the owl beast would ever harm you

because she loves you so dearly

and clearly, somehow, the beast loves you too

and she never really had anything to worry about

#sleepingdeath #gender neutral reader #fluff hcs #fluff #toh fluff #eda x reader #toh x reader #the owl house x reader #toh eda x reader

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deludedfantasy · 10 months

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Trimax Vol 7 Ch 4-6

My suffering continues in the second half of this volume. Things have been getting steadily worse and worse for a while, but something about this one really just got me. I know it's gonna get worse though lol. Until then, my thoughts on the last three chapters.

Ch 4

Wolfwood, my guy, what are you even doing? “He looks like he’s been to a funeral, and another one and another one after that.” I mean, yeah, Vash has been having a real shit time of it lately. That’s actually a great way to describe it.

In all seriousness, this is actually weirdly sweet to me. I think Wolfwood’s trying really hard to cheer him up, except he has no idea how to do it, so he’s just being so awkward instead. He gets like the tiniest little smile out of him. But it’s so sad because you can’t see Vash’s eyes anymore, he’s hiding all that pain beyond his brand-new goggles that function almost like blinders.

Despite how terrible Vash feels, he still helps those people out. His reputation precedes him though and it’s gotten worse. Now the story about his powers is out and the people avoid him, treat him like a devil.

But the guys he saved are being really nice to him! Actually treating him like a person! We love to see it.

Vash looks like he’s having fun drinking but after the last volume, I’m a little worried. He’s having a nice time, but I also feel like he’s using it to bury all the hurt he’s feeling.

“Oh well. This may be his last chance to enjoy himself.” I can’t begin to explain the dread this line puts in me, especially since I know where this is all going. So does Wolfwood, of course. But he seems so calm about it, like he’s accepted the inevitability of it all.

“I’m the angel of mercy handing out booze to these poor souls.” This is a banger of a line to come from some random barkeeping granny.

That is a bleak, bleak view of Vash’s possible future that this guy gives him. That he’ll always be alone, time the only thing that will wipe away his regrets, nothing but that for as long as he’s alive. He’s probably speaking from experience though and that’s what makes it even sadder.

Oh no. OH NO. Vash’s power reacted to something and I don’t like it. It’s Knives, it’s him merging with the Plants and things are about to go down.

The way Vash says, “Wolfwood, you really are my guide, right?” HE KNOWS. I’m convinced now that he knows that Wolfwood is Knives’s agent and has been from the beginning. I hesitate to say he doesn’t care, but he certainly doesn’t blame Wolfwood for it. But it also makes this all so tragic. In a way, they’ve both accepted their fates at this point and just, ugh, nooooo.

Knives’s big plan is starting…with an attack of galactic proportions. He’s bringing down all the satellites, destroying the planetary communications network. A great way to sow fear and chaos across the land.

When we do see Vash’s eyes, they’re so empty. He has given up. The way he’s talking, it’s like he’s walking to his death. He knows whatever he’s walking into, he’s not coming back from it. His language, thanking everyone for one last drink, one last good night, it very much reads like a suicide note. I’m gonna go curl up in a ball and cry now.

Ch 5

The chapter titles in this volume…they fuck me up. “Late Arrival to the End of the World.” On the one hand, oof, yes, how evocative. On the other hand though…I’m scared.

So Wolfwood and Vash arrive at Knives’s murder castle/ship. Vash runs right on in because there’s no hiding now. Knives’s power is at full blast. Not only can his brother sense him, but Vash’s own power is reacting to it and he’s shifting. For the first time, he looks calm about it. But it’s not because he’s okay with his power. It’s because he’s accepted his fate. He’s locked in and nothing will stop him now, because he has nothing left to lose.

Oh my god???? What was that horrifying vision Wolfwood had? He doesn’t seem to think it was Knives and Vash didn’t even notice. FREAKY. There’s someone in the murder castle that’s after him too.

But also, “I don’t want to be a burden on him.” God, Wolfwood. Just…you care about him so much, but it wouldn’t be a burden to him. But he knows that, which is why he won’t do it. He won’t put something else on Vash’s shoulders, he won’t make him even more worried, or harder than it already is.

Elendira is just like, “Hi there! Let me lead you to your murderous brother for your final showdown. Right this way!”

Ah, so Vash did pick up on something from Wolfwood’s vision. As always, Vash remains more perceptive than Wolfwood is willing to give him credit for.

IT’S REVEALED. Wolfwood isn’t Chapel! Also, can we talk about the badass wheelchair of death the actual Chapel is using?

I love that Elendira basically scolds them into not pointing their guns at each other.

You know, it occurs to me that Wolfwood manages to betray a lot of people all at once. There’s something really sad about that because I just know it makes him feel so much worse about himself as a person.

Always funny to me when Wolfwood calls other people faithless. Like, dude, so are you! That’s just the pot calling the kettle black.

Knives’s aura is so powerful, it cracks Vash’s glasses and blows them off his face. He can’t hide his feelings anymore and he also can’t hide from his brother anymore. He has to look the world full in the face now. There’s no turning back or running away anymore.

Also, this last panel of Knives emerging from the pavilion is terrifying. Especially the way the giant hands don’t match up with where the rest of his body is positioned.

Ch 6

It kills me that Knives’s plan to make Vash suffer and break him down succeeded. He wanted to see his brother brought low, to have all of his ideals smashed and proven wrong, before they faced each other again. It’s so cruel, especially after seeing how kind and loving he was as a child.

But Knives still frames what he’s doing as saving Vash! Now it’s because of the black hair, because he’s closer to death than Knives is. Does Knives feel guilty though? Because as far as I can tell, every time Vash has used his powers and his hair has turned black up to this point has been directly due to Knives forcing or manipulating him into it.

This has been haunting me since the first half of this volume, but Knives bringing up Tesla again reminded me. Would she want this? Would she want the kind of destruction Knives wants to rain down on the world? Would she want that kind of large scale revenge against all of humanity? She might have been a child, but Independent Plants, as we’ve seen, are incredibly intelligent, even as children. If we assume she was a vengeful ghost who wanted to show them the truth about humanity, then maybe. There’s this tiny part of me though that wonders if she’d be horrified instead to see so much suffering done in her name. Would she really want to see anyone, Plant or human, harmed just because she did too? Would she want others to experience the same pain she did? And that’s the thing. We don’t know. We’ll never know what this little girl wanted. She never had any agency, not when she lived or died, not even in her legacy. She became a martyr for a cause she didn’t even know existed.

Oh hey, it’s the argument Vash and Knives have in the Tristamp finale! I didn’t catch this on my first read. The context here is very different though. Vash is a lot more broken down here and we know he has so many doubts. So to hear him say something like this, that he’ll run away and try again, is so weirdly hopeful and optimistic. Knives is just as enraged though.

I’ve been wondering what those tubes on Vash’s jacket were for ages! It looks like ammo to reload his arm gun (and maybe his revolver too). Clever design for a gunslinger’s jacket, honestly.

Is—is Legato hopping up the stairs in his weird little metal coffin thing? Like he’s in a sack race? That is such a ridiculous image in the middle of this battle.

Ough, Vash. This page…Why must you hurt me like this? He might still have some hope left for humanity, but he doesn’t have any left for himself. In that sense, Knives failed. He wanted him to suffer and see humanity’s failings, but Vash only ever saw his own.

Knives really went, “If I can’t save you from yourself, I’ll make you part of me and take away your entire autonomy.” He’s always been like this, but this time he’s just said it out loud. All those posts about Knives seeing Vash an extension of himself become very, very literal here.

Oh? Vash was actually able to overpower him when he tried to meld with him?

I can’t believe Knives actually listened to Legato. He hasn’t been listening to anyone recently. And Legato’s deranged, excited expression when he does and then asks him to restrain Knives…he’s really enjoying himself, for once.

Oh no, oh this is bad. Vash is captured, Knives is planning the destruction of the planet, there’s apparently a massive airship. Everything looks very, very bad. This is so much worse because I know where this is going.

#trigun #trigunbookclub

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burningpysche · 9 months

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my girlfriend and i had a really long talk one night about women, and our generational anger. i know i have it. it runs so deep in me, and i feel it all the time. she mentioned that in school, the workouts that they had the girls doing, consisted of things like aerobics. which, in my opinion, is a workout pretty much just for aesthetics. versus the type of workouts they had for the boys, which consisted of things like running, push ups, weight lifting, etc. all things to build stamina, strength, endurance. i mentioned the way that fish grow, depending on the size of the body of water that they live in. if you put a fish in a pond, it’ll get just as big as it needs to get to occupy that space. if you put a fish in a bowl, it’ll only get so big. and if you start breeding that fish in the bowl, and you keep breeding those fish, they’ll only ever know that tiny bowl you put them in. they’ll never grow any bigger.

men are cowards in the way that they still carry this narrative that we’re genetically inferior to them, as if that hasn’t been their whole game this entire time. after decades and decades of imprisoning us, domesticating us, etc., they have the raw nerve to act as if we were just designed to be weaker than them. as if they didn’t put all these systems up, and band together to uphold those systems, just to keep us on the bottom. i know so many strong women. both physically, and emotionally. women can survive under pressure. women can grow as big as they need to, but rarely do we ever have the space to encourage that type of growth. we have to go out of our way, defy “gender norms” and all this other bullshit, just to find some sort of autonomy. some sort of strength that relies on ourselves alone. i think this is why women are so community driven. we have been conditioned to just huddle in a corner together and comfort one another as we all pretty much sit helpless, because we don’t know what we’re capable of. and we’re quite frankly scared of discovering it. because the price you pay is often deadly.

i feel like i wasn’t taught many lessons about self preservation. i feel like i was unfortunately taught how to be a housewife. i’m great at cooking, cleaning, keeping tidy, being pretty and getting fucked. being told what to do and doing it. i’m great at all of those things. and i can’t break out of those habits. i dedicate so much fucking time to looking beautiful, and keeping clean and tidy, and overall having the qualities of a housewife. because i feel like i’ll lose all of my value if i pursue anything else. even as a lesbian, which in a way, means i’m failing at traditional womanhood, i still have these problems. i have so many aspirations. so many dreams. so many things i want for myself. and i don’t go for them. ever. i watch time go by and think to myself, “well, i probably could’ve never done that anyways.” i was taught that i can’t do things on my own. i can’t survive under pressure. i have completely surrendered to that mindset. i remember a period of time where i didn’t surrender to that type of lifestyle. and it was honestly just fucking exhausting. all the fighting, and all of the disappointment from my family and friends. when you don’t play by the rules, everybody fucking hates you. i’ve just laid here helpless for i can’t even tell you how long now. feeling like there’s no end, no escape. i’m just supposed to submit to someone and stay at home and keep the house tidy and functional. but i’m not really like that. i don’t want that. i just keep using these tools i was given as a little girl, and they’re not doing me any good. i guess my life is safer this way, but it isn’t gratifying. i never feel alive until i do something fucking crazy or stupid. and realize, “damn, i didn’t die. nobody came after me or hurt me for doing this.”

it’s frightening to realize the gravity of life as a woman. to realize that you’re still very much in a cage. and to sit at the bottom of that cage and wonder to yourself, if i somehow got out of here, would what all happened to me on the way out even be worth it?

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frail-and-freakish · 1 year

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on growing up with "intensive intervention" and abuse as a young autistic trans kid.

(quotes are from neuropsychs and reports, things said to me verbally, my own words/thought processes at different times. tw ABA, dehumanizing clinical language, stim suppression, some transphobia toward the end)

february 6th 2012.

an appealing child

with many areas of precocious development

alongside areas

of definite developmental lag.

diagnostically

meets the following criteria

for a pervasive developmental disorder.

you want more water

pronominal reversal

Alligator alligator alligator

intense and restricted interests. immediate echolalia.

its too hard to be a girl

too hard to be (deadname)

call me pangoo the penguin

because i'm scared of (deadname).

i like it when it’s cold

i hate it when it’s hot

appears overstimulated by environment

i am never tired

scripted language

i never like to smile when people tell me to

facial expression is usually flat

too soft too tight hurt hurt no touch

extremely opposed to imposed touch

it doesn’t hurt you

it just bothers you

need to control every aspect of environment

but i like it when it’s messy

do you like bedtime? is it bedtime? is it bedtime? bed bed bed

perseverative speech

i’m not good at saying what i mean

severe communication disorder

no is my monster

i only want to point to zoo animals

extremely self directed in play

i don’t want to say that

significant conversational rigidities

(the message is wrong

it’s okay to be sad

but you have to get over it.)

the words stab into the report with grisly black ink

began to behave in a silly manner

primal defense mechanisms

unhealthy involvement with reading

atypical prosody

symbol oriented cognition

disordered phonological processes

appears uninterested in others

needed maximum verbal cues

very spontaneous and overly enthusiastic

and also withdrawn and hyper focused on her own ideas.

my hands fold into my palms in the speech therapist’s office

ripple flutter in a dance with the air

motor stereotypy

often loses focus and becomes squirmy

stilled by a dead end voice

quiet hands

‘physically disorganized’

body messy

they think it’s weird

after all

it’s hard for you to know what other people are thinking

impaired theory of mind

everybody noticed

but they were being polite

and would never have said anything

to you

responds well to a behavioral approach.

may 5, 2018.

acute awareness of needs and vulnerabilities

too old to trick into being compliant

self appointed position as autism champion

i asked her if

when she was little and only read books about alligators

if we should have expected her teachers to respect that.

she said yes

failing of course to consider

that she was in a class with people who had various interests

not obsessions.

insisted that people who are cognitively impaired should not be changed.

having a vagina does not define biological sex????

i am going to have a hard time keeping up with her thought process.

extremely hypersensitive to what is perceived

as non-acceptance or rejection.

i thought you were just one type of weird

but now you have all these different types

i’m so sorry to hear that she

(forgive the pronoun, please)

is miserable right now.

the test was not developed for use

with individuals who are gender non-conforming.

steady growth in mastery of pragmatic language skills

improved social functioning

i am so happy to hear

that she’s acknowledging she needs help

rather than continuing down the path

of “i’m perfect.”

progress intervention treatment success.

barely even autistic.

#actually autistic #actuallyautistic #poetry #writing #traumacore i guess??#aba #developmental disability #trans #autistic #ableism #mushroom.txt

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chickensarentcheap · 9 months

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Bedtime Sneak Peek :)

@tragiclyhip @secretaryunpaid @munstysmind @themaradwrites @asirensrage @youflickedtooharddamnit @residentdormouse @karimac @kmc1989 @thebewingedjewelcat @ninjasawakenedmystar @kmc1989 @alisbackalleybbq

After the cut :)

“You know what I want to do, dad? When I’m older? And Pumpkin is too? Guess what I want to do!”

“Show jumping?”

“I already told you tons of times! I’m not into that. That’s NOT my thing. That’s more something Addie would do. IF she wasn’t scared of horses. I don’t get it, daddy. How is anyone scared of them? Especially Pumpkin Lumpkin and Bodhi. They’re so sweet! They wouldn’t hurt her.”

“I think it’s because she’s so tiny and they’re so big. It scares her; being so high off the ground. Probably afraid she’s going to fall off. It’s why your mum doesn’t want to ride. She’s scared of getting hurt.”

“Bodhi is really big but Pumpkin isn’t. She’s still a baby. Maybe we can get Addie one of those little mini horses. Remember those? The ones I learned on? They’re mini just like Addie so maybe she wouldn’t be scared of them. Can we? Get her one?”

“I can definitely talk to your mum about that.”

His heart sinks the moment the words leave his mouth. Just something else he took for granted; her presence in his life, home, and bed always a surety. And now even the basics have been viciously torn away; he can’t just send a quick text or call her on the phone or simply wait to arrive back at the house to share something he’d seen or heard while he was out. For thirteen years, Esme has been the one constant in his life. Her mere presence had gotten him through the darkest and most trying of days following Dhaka; consistently and devotedly camping herself at his bedside and refusing to leave even when given the most dire of prognosis.

She had supported him through the months of recovery; his one-person cheering section as he laboured and struggled to relearn even the most basics of tasks and functions. She had taken him back after their sixth-month separation; tearfully calling him in the middle of the night and begging him to come home. She’d missed him and didn’t want his absence to become permanent; worried his drinking and drug use would only grow in need and intensity and lead to his demise. And he’d followed every ‘rule’ that she’d put forth; checking himself into rehab and anger management and agreeing to attend both solo and individual counselling.

She’d been there after Nathan destroyed his body and mind. Accepting the responsibilities of feeding him, washing his hair, helping him in and out of the shower. Never losing her patience when the lingering effects of his concussion and added brain trauma had caused him to ask the same questions over and again. She had been by his side when he’d been given the CPTSD and Bipolar diagnoses; angrily and adamantly refusing his suggestion that she walk away and spare herself the torment that would come with having to put up with his ‘episodes’. And the very real worry that he’d one day snap and take all his frustration and hurt out on her and the kids.

“We’re better together than we are apart,” she’d reminded him. “You said that yourself. In Dhaka. So if you think I’m letting you deal with this on your own, you’ve got another thing coming.”

So many roles in his life that she fills. Loyal confidant. Fervid supporter. Best friend. Lover. Wife. Mother of his children. And he’s simply not ready to give any of those up.

But it’s lonely and he feels so damn empty. His broken and aching body constantly reminding him that he isn’t the same man he used to be. And he worries that maybe…just maybe…he really HAD failed her. Reneging on his wedding day promises to provide for her, love her, and cherish her. To keep her safe, happy and warm.

And to always…above all else…protect her.

#Tyler and Esme series #Never Gonna Be Alone

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youreobsessedwithtoomanyfandoms · 10 months

Text

Don't Let Me Go (Part 2)

Words: 5921

Warnings: language, talk of alcohol/alcohol consumption, regret, Leon being a dick but for a kinda good reason, maybe ooc characters and probably bad writing

Resident Evil Masterlist Main Masterlist Join My Taglist

This also was originally written for my OC Tiffany (Whose info on her/original story will eventually be available on this account @imnotobsessedwfictionalchracters )

Leon and Hunnigan are PROBABLY OOC (as I suck at not being able to keep them from being OOC)

Actually find it fucking insane how long this thing is all together

This is it in multi-part form: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

This is it in one part form

Reader and Leon are partners with their job (have been since 2004/2005) and is insinuated to be around the same height as Leon

Not Proof-read and I think it can be seen every once and a while (I know you can see where my brain couldn't function how to write the scene so I just guessed and hoped for the best)

Can be read as its own story or as a sequel to You’re About To Lose The Best Damn Thing You’ve Ever Had

Losely has themes from the songs Never Say Never by The Fray, No Surprises by Radiohead, Afterglow by Taylor Swift, and Look After You by The Fray

Anywho, enjoy

Love Z <3

Leon’s POV

Leon, who had only been there because he was going over a report with Hunnigan, head snapped over towards Hunnigan the moment that Y/N ended the call. Worry spread through his body as they were unable to contact her back. He felt his knee unconsciously bouncing up and down as the computer kept beeping. He knew that he technically had no reason to be worried. Now, thanks to his own doing, all she was to him was another Agent. Not his partner. Not his girlfriend. Not even his friend. (Of course he didn’t know that the last part was all on his own)

“Why is it doing that? Why can’t you get back to her?”

“She blocked me from calling. Which means one of two things; she needed no distractions or she had to go semi-dark. I’m trying the other 4 members of her team and if they don’t respond, it means that they had to go dark too.”

Leon bit the inside of his cheek. He knew that the team originally consisted of 7 plus Y/N/N. The original 3 BSAA and 3 STRATCOM had been reduced to 1 BSAA and 2 of their own.

If he was going to be honest, Leon didn’t care about the team, he just cared about Y/N and if she was okay. He hadn’t meant to do what he did then just disappear. He meant to break up and let her be for a few days, a week tops, then talk to her. But then he got called in and had to leave immediately. He knew from Claire and Hunnigan both that she didn’t understand why it happened or what caused it. Which he knew was his own doing. He should have told her. He shouldn’t have just said that they weren’t gonna work out. Especially since on their previous mission together they had a run in with Ada.

But that wasn’t why he did it. No. It was because Stacey had been that person who they thought walked in. And as they had exited the training room, had messaged Leon to remind him that fraternizing with your partner was against the rules. He knew he should have just told Y/N why he was doing it, why he pulled away and why he treated her like shit for so long. But he couldn’t. He was scared that if he had, she would have argued with him and said it was fine. That they would figure it out together. It’s how she was and he knew it was.

Of course, he still felt horrible for what happened on New Years, he shouldn’t have done that. Shouldn’t have gotten her hopes up just to crush them the following days. He shouldn’t have treated her the way that Ada would treat him. Shouldn’t have done something that would make her feel like he was using her in the moment because he needed something just to hurt her later.

----

December 31st of 2008/January 1st of 2009

Leon had gotten to her apartment earlier that day to help Y/N put up the decorations. But the entire time all that he had said to her was when he asked her to hand him something or made a comment about getting a drink or going to the bathroom. And then once Chris had arrived, surprisingly being the first, he had gone to talk to him. He had seen her leave from the corner of his eye, knowing she was changing out of the pajamas she had been in all day.

He had no idea what she was going to come out in, but as she came back from her bedroom, a glass of champagne having already been downed, he knew it would be hard to keep himself under control. He noticed that she was wearing that top she had not-so-secretly bought a few weeks ago. Or at least he assumed it was. He had never seen the one she was wearing and he knew she hadn’t worn that one top yet. It was paired with her stupid jeans that fit her perfectly and those stupid heels that he loved on her because for some reason it always turned him on when she was practically a head taller than him. He saw her necklace was the one he bought her for their first anniversary in 2007. The rings were the ones she always wore and he noted that she wore the bracelet that she had owned since highschool on her right wrist, opposite of the watch he got her back in 2006 after her previous one got destroyed on a mission. Thankfully it was her birthday too so he didn’t have to deal with her arguing too much so he could argue that it was a gift for her birthday and she couldn’t turn it away.

He remembered how she kept saying he didn’t have to and that it must’ve cost a fortune. He had just shrugged it off and said he knew she needed one and he thought she liked that one. And even now, over 2 years later, he still hasn't disclosed the price of it. Something he’d never do because he knew she’d give it back and feel horrible about it. Knowing the only reason she had accepted the necklace was because it was their anniversary and she had gotten him something he knew was expensive as hell.

But even then, he didn’t talk to her. He didn’t go near her. Even as the rest of the group got there. He occupied himself with drinking and talking with people. Even as he saw the look of desperation on her face as she talked to Jess and Claire. Even as he watched her walk back to her room with a face full of complete defeat written all over her face.

No. he stayed talking with Chris and her brother Joe while he knew she was likely standing in the bathroom that connected to her bedroom. While he knew that she was probably doing anything to distract herself from how he had been ignoring her. He knew she could hear him talking and laughing with them. He knew that it seemed like he was happier with everyone except for her. But he wasn’t. He hated this. Hated this hell he had created by not doing it already. This hell he had created for both of them where he knew she was feeling like a deflated balloon that he didn’t want anymore. When that was the complete opposite of what was true. God did he want her. God did he not want to have to hurt her this way. All he wanted to do was hold her and tell her it would be okay.

Let her convince him that Stacey wouldn’t out their relationship and they would figure it out.

He got pulled out from the conversation when he heard a faint sound of something crashing in the back. He wasn’t sure if others had heard and chose to ignore it, or if it was just him who did since he was the closest to the hall. He stood and excused himself saying that he was gonna go check on her since they hadn’t seen her in a bit.

When he got to the back of the apartment, he looked in and saw that it had just been the cup that held their toothbrushes and pastes. He watched as she leaned down and grabbed the fallen contents. He realized that she didn’t even notice him there until she jumped as he laid a soft knock on the door.

He laughed softly, like he always did when she did this. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare ya.” As she placed the cup back where it went, he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. The jolt from her didn’t go unnoticed and his face went from one of playfulness to concern. “Hey, you okay?”

She nodded silently, and he saw that she was trying to keep her breathing steady. “Yeah. Sorry. I think I’m just getting tired. My body isn’t used to not having to be on edge 24/7.”

He knew she was lying. He could tell it in her voice. But he still cracked a small smile in an attempt to calm her down. “Can’t disagree with you there. But you seem genuinely freaked, like after a mission.” The smile switched to one of concern, “Are you sure that you’re okay?”

She nodded and turned to him, giving him a smile of her own. “Yeah. I am Lee. Promise.” Lee, the nickname she gave him after their first mission together when she got a concussion. He remembered that his name kept blanking on her (as did most people) so she just referred to him as Lee as it was all she could remember and it had stuck. He noticed as she looked down at her watch before looking back at him, “Hey, it’s 11:59, we should get back in there.”

He was about to go to move some hair from her face, but stopped before he even reached his hand. He knew it would leave her even more confused when he broke it off. He knew it would make it harder for him if he continued to act like a boyfriend. So he kept on telling himself that he was being a friend. Friends treat friends this way. He could still be this way with her even when he calls quits to save her reputation. “Are you sure? It seemed like you had left for a reason.”

He knew from the look on her face that he was the reason and it hurt. At first it was because he hated that he was treating her like this, leading her on. But then it was because he couldn’t feel that way. He had to pull away from her so it would hurt less when he broke it. But he felt his resolve falling and knew it was close to breaking.

“Yeah. I’m perfectly fine. I just needed to get away for a moment. You know how I am.”

He knew it was a lie. He knew she lied about something he wouldn’t call her out about. He studied her face and saw that she was doing everything to show she wasn’t lying. He knew she knew he was doing this. But he said nothing. He didn’t put her on the spot. Call her out. He just let her do it. Especially as everyone in her living room began to count down.

However, neither of them moved as their friends began down from 10. This was the closest he had been to her since Christmas. It was taking everything in him not to kiss her. Everything in him to not grab her face and pull it to his. But that entire work he was putting in was thrown out of the window the moment she brought her hand up and brushed some hair out of his face. And as she leaned in to him when their friends reached one, his thoughts to push her away were thrown out the window. As she placed a kiss on his lips. He heard nothing as he felt her softer lips on his own chapped ones.

As she pulled her lips away from his, any control that had been left there disappeared as his hands on her cheeks and he slammed his back onto hers. The moment she let out a tiny gasp, he slipped his tongue into her mouth. He felt her arms wrap around his neck as he began moving them to the sink. Only stopping when the back of her legs met her sink.

He pulled away for a moment, just to bring his lips down to her neck. And between kisses he asked a question that plagued him since he saw her come out in it. “Is this...a new...top?” He heard her humming in response, eliciting a small chuckle from him. “Is that a yes baby?”

“Yeah.” Her voice was soft and breathy, just above a whisper and he held back a groan when she did.

“I like it. You should wear it more.” He carefully moved her arms up so he could pull it off. His lips lingered on her collarbone, close to the center by her sternum, as he breathed in her perfume. It was a warmer one, a mix of vanilla and spice. He recognized it as the one he bought her back when she dragged him into Victoria Secrets when they were having a sale. He remembered her arguing with her that she wanted to buy it so they agreed that he’d buy her that and she could buy him whatever cologne he wanted. Which just happened to be the one he was wearing tonight.

His lips continued down her body as he got other noises from her. He only stopped when he heard a gasp, immediately pulling his lips away from her. His eyes looked over to see Y/N's sister-in-law standing there with a hand over her mouth.

“Shit, I’m so fucking sorry. I should’ve known what you two were doing when you didn’t respond. Fuck, I’m sorry. Um, Joe and I are heading out. I don’t wanna overwork my sister too much by watching the kids after she had a long week. But we had fun. I’ll see you later.”

He stood as he watched Jessica leave the room and felt Y/N/N's head fall on his shoulder. He listened as she ranted about how embarrassed she was by what just happened. How she had been hidden for nearly 30 minutes and then someone came to find her, just to see her making out with her boyfriend. So fucking embarrassing.

He laughed lightly and joked, “At least we were just making out and not actually having sex.”

She groaned and buried her head in his chest, “I did not just say that out loud, did I?”

He missed the top of her head, “It’s okay.” He pulled away before leaning down to grab her shirt from where he had thrown it on the floor and handed it to her. After she slipped it on, he kissed her lips again. “You know I love you, right?”

She smiled and looked into his blue eyes, “Yeah, ‘course I do.”

“Good.”

This was going to hurt when he finally did it.

Leon knew that she wasn’t asleep as she laid by him. But he stayed quiet. He knew tonight would haunt him. He was supposed to be pushing her away. Not drawing her back in and making her feel better while he was just going to hurt her in the end.

----

January 3rd of 2009

He knew she was hurt. He knew she was trying not to cry. Leon knew how mad and confused she was. He knew. He knew her too well. He knew that she understood none of it. Even after he explained. He knew that she saw him as the one for her because he knew she was the one for him. But he could stop. He had to end them so neither...no so she didn’t get her reputation ruined. He refused to let anyone think that the only reason she gets chosen for assignments is because they’re together. He refused to let anyone think of her as anything but the fucking amazing and talented agent she was.

He had promised her back years ago that he would never hurt her. That he would never be the one to break her heart. That he would be there by her side no matter what. But then here he was, breaking her heart and about to leave her.

In the end, all that he could say was, “I’m sorry.” And “You don’t deserve this.” He reached to grab her hand in an attempt to comfort her, but she jerked it away. Which he understood. He deserved it. She didn’t deserve this. She deserved better than him. “You deserve better than this. Than me. Than our fucked up situation.”

“But Leon, I like it. I love you. I don’t care about the secrets and the lies. I just want you. Leon, please.”

“I can’t.” He stressed, he still hadn’t said what Hunnigan had told him when he asked what would happen. That was why he was doing this. He had to protect her.

“Can’t what?” Her voice was stretched, he knew she was trying not to cry.

For a brief second, he thought that he shouldn’t do it, but as he saw her face, saw as she was breaking, he decided to do it. “Can’t ask you to possibly give up your job because someone found out! Watch as you have to get reassigned because Hunnigan already confirmed that it would be you. Watch as your life completely changes just so you can be with me!” He ran a hand through his hair, “That’s why we’re done, Y/N/N. Why we have to be. Both in this relationship and in our partnership for work. I already sent in the request for a new partner.” He hadn’t said that last part to her yet. But it was true. He did it yesterday. After she had left the office for the day.

“Leon.”

He ignored her as he walked to her door, he was planning on just leaving, saying nothing else. But as his hand reached for the knob, he stopped, “I’m really sorry Y/N/N. Truly, deeply, sorry.”

He walked out after that. But he didn’t go far. He stayed there in the long hall. He brought a hand up to his mouth to stiffen the sobs that were threatening to fall. He felt his chest tighten as he heard her scream and a crash. He knew she was angry and upset. He knew she was blaming herself. And it took everything in him to not open the door and agree with her that they’d figure this out. That they’d find a loophole. That they’d be alright.

----

February 18th of 2009

He shook his head, trying to forget that last time he saw her. Instead, he became hyper focused on Hunnigan trying to contact anyone on her team. The difference between her and them was with them, it called, but no one answered. He felt himself picking at the calluses on his hands, a bad habit that she always noticed. A habit that whenever she saw, she would take his hands into hers and hold them. He ran a hand through his hair as the nerves built up again when it went off that she disconnected herself from being able to be contacted.

He hadn’t even noticed Hunnigan talking to someone through her mic set until she said: “Do you want me to assume her and her team are dead, sir?” He snapped his head to her. What did she mean by that? Why would they assume that Y/N was dead? She just went dark. Since when has it been the procedure to assume death when gone dark. “Of course sir, I’ll keep watch and will let Agent Kennedy know.” Leon narrowed his eyes at Hunnigan as she turned to him. “They want me to keep an eye out for if she pings a location in the next 48 hours. If not, then you’re being deployed to finish the mission and if you come in contact with her, call for an evac for her. But shoot to kill if she’s been bitten.”

Leon looked away from Hunnigan. He wasn’t sure if he could do that. Shoot to kill Y/N. Personal feelings aside, they had been partners since she joined back in 2004. Since right after he got back from Spain. Hell, she would’ve been with him if she hadn't had to get her appendix taken out and miss training causing her start date to be pushed back to where it was around 48 hours before he got back from Spain with Ashley. He had known her for 4, going on 5 years now. How could he shoot her, even if it was for the greater good? He felt his chest tighten and--

“Leon? Do you understand?”

He looked back at Hunnigan and nodded silently before getting up to leave the room. He couldn’t be there anymore. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He practically ran through the halls, not caring who looked at him. Only able to catch his breath when the cold February air hit his skin. He heaved, his hands on his knees and he leaned forward. He couldn’t do it. He knew he wouldn't be able to do it. He knew that he would get in trouble. But he would rather get in trouble for not doing his job than have to shoot her.

He just prayed that she pinged to prove she was alive. And that if he ever got sent in, he would find her. Alive or dead but not bitten. Not turned. He’d rather find her already dead than have to do it himself. He would never be able to live if he broke her heart and then killed her.

Hell, he wasn’t even sure if he would be able to live with himself if he broke her heart and then found her dead.

--------

February 28th of 2009

36 hours after she went dark they received the first ping. 11 days had passed since and they had gotten 8 more pings. Leon was at his desk, waiting for Hunnigan to tell him they got the next ping. But as the sun went further and further down, they still had got nothing. He kept telling himself that she was okay. That maybe she just forgot or wasn’t somewhere where she could.

He kept telling himself that it was okay and she was alive. That he had no reason to worry. That she would make it back to them alive.

--------

March 2nd of 2009

Leon looked out the window of the helicopter he was on. 4 days had passed since her last ping. Since they last heard of her being alive. They had sent him in the early hours of the morning to go finish the job and find her. They told him to not have hope she’d be found alive. The cold was horrid and she was supposed to be back by now. It was doubtful she’d have enough heat stored to survive.

But he ignored them. He ignored their warnings and pushed them away as he climbed down and off the heli and walked the remaining mile to the village her team were meant to be staying at.

It took him almost no time to find the abandoned snow-mobiles they had ridden to get there. Took him almost no time to walk into the small place they were staying to find the rest of her team all dead. But still, there was no sign of her. No sign that she had even been there recently. He told Hunnigan and she responded that she’d send someone once they found Y/N. As he exited the house, he grabbed the keys to be able to use one of the vehicles.

He drove through the town until he reached the point where she had gone dark at. It was by a larger building that stood out compared to the rest. But that wasn’t where she had left at. She had left off in a small home by it. He walked in and looked around, finding her tracker and communication devices in a box that had been covered in snow. A few of the windows had been shot through, he assumed it was from her. He walked up the stairs and saw that there was no way out from there. If she had been in there, she had left the same way she went in.

He walked out of the house and was about to get back on the snowmobile, to head to her last pinged location, but he realized that it was inside the large building and he would have to walk it. The sun was going down as the time passed 6 PM as he jumped the fence and ran around trying to find her, shooting those infected that got in his way. Which he was surprised wasn’t that many. He had expected more to be there, but it was like someone had already gone through and killed most of them.

He ignored the fatigue that grew as he ran closer and the sky got darker. Or at least he assumed it did, there were practically no windows in this place so all he had was his watch to tell the time. He ignored the gnawing feeling he had that he was going to find her dead. That he came all the way to bring her home alive that he’d have to do it dead. That he kept telling himself that she’d be alright and he could apologize. He could tell her what Hunnigan told him when he got back. So he could apologize and let her scream and yell and choose what to do.

So he could know if there ever would be a possibility that they could have made it. That they could have done more if he hadn’t let the possibility of what could've happened take control of his life.

As he grew closer and closer to where she had last pinged, he felt his heart drop further and further into his stomach as he saw more and more blood covering the floor. He kept telling himself that it wasn’t hers. It was someone else's. And he wasn’t entirely wrong as he grew closer. A body laid on the ground, he could tell the blood wasn’t even an entire week old so it had to be from around her last ping. He placed his boot at the dead and grimaced as he recognized him as the guy from last summer.

That told him why she went dark.

He kneeled by the body, looking for what caused the bleeding, finding a few bullet holes. They weren’t accurate and he could tell that whoever shot them had a shaky hand. Making him doubt it was Y/N. One thing he knew he could always count on was her steady aim. Rarely would she hit a target in the wrong spot on accident. It was always on purpose. But, he knew the bullet holes. It was with a Lightning Hawk. It was like how he always had his Matilda, she always had a Lightning Hawk on her.

He stood up and continued on, looking down at the small device to see how much further and realized that it was to his left. He turned and saw a door drawn shut. He put the device away and grabbed his gun out from its holster and carefully opened the door. He swiftly turned to walk further in, something that at first seemed futile as he didn’t see her. But as he walked further in and looked around, he saw remnants of her having previously been there.

He kneeled by her clicker that had been pinging her location when she told it to was on the floor with some of the layers she had been wearing when the mission started. But what scared him was that there was a bandage covered in blood that looked like it had been sitting there for a few days. If it was her blood like he thought, that would explain why it looked like someone had shot the guy shakily and unsure. And so that nausea grew as the gnawing feeling that she was dead came back to him.

He shook his head of those thoughts and got up, looking around the room more. As his eyes scanned, he saw that there was a trail of blood that led to one of the walls. When he got closer, he saw the faint marks of what he assumed had been someone moving the cement. He put the flashlight between his teeth and holstered his gun as he began to touch around, trying to find a weak point in the wall. When he did, he pushed in until it started moving. Once it was opened enough for him to slip through, he grabbed the flashlight from his mouth and upholstered the gun.

He pointed the gun forward and slipped through the crack, he walked with cautious footing. He still found it rather suspicious that he hadn’t had to deal with much since he had gotten there. His senses were on high alert, feeling like there was a possibility of him getting attacked at any point. He walked down the dimly lit room, turning the flash on and off so for the case of someone watching him, there was a possibility of him throwing them off.

But any want to not get caught and have the element of surprise immediately left his body when he heard gunshots down the end of the hall. He ran as fast as he could and slammed the door open, gun ready to shoot. But when he got there, he saw that Dr. Lewis was already bleeding out on the floor, but still reaching for her own gun. As he approached the woman, he looked around and saw Y/N laying on her stomach, gun on her non-dominant side, in a corner. And as much as he wanted to check on her first, he ran over to the doctor and kicked her gun as far away from her as possible.

He kept his gun up and stood over Lewis, the barrel of the gun pointed at her head, daring her to do something. But all she did was laugh before coughing up blood. “You...you really think this...this will be...be the e-end? You...you killing me? Think it...it will bring that little b-bitch ba-ack.”

He knew he was supposed to bring her in alive. So they could question her. But Leon just couldn’t. He knew she had been experimenting on children more than she ever had with adults. The information Y/N had found and sent in before she went dark proved it. And something, some part of him, felt like no one who did that to kids could live. Maybe it was his belief that he still was doing this for Sherry. He knew she was an adult now and that she doesn’t need his protection anymore, but it didn’t stop him from making it his main reason.

With his gun still smoking, and Lewis’s eyes going blank with death, he pulled it down. “Still stops you.” He looked up when he heard the sound of an alarm going off and his vision was encased in red. He should have known that killing the head would do this, but he didn’t give a shit. All he cared about was saving her. He ignored the blaring alarm and robotic voice saying that the building will self-destruct in 10 minutes.

He turned to run back to where Y/N was lying. As he got closer to her, he could see she was slipping in and out of consciousness. When he reached her, he placed a gentle finger where her pulse would be, he knew he should have kept his eyes trained on Lewis, in case she turned herself into something, but he didn’t. His eyes were trained on Y/N. She was covered in sweat and blood, hair clinging onto her. Her breathing was labored and she barely was able to keep her eyes open. He turned her to her back and immediately saw what the reason for the bleeding was.

A large gash that went down her sternum. There was dried blood all around it and he saw that shittily done bandage that had moved. It was surely infected and was probably the reason for her sweat. He grabbed his device to call Hunnigan and requested a medical evac. He found Y/N and she was alive. They were in the building, but he was going to try and get her outside. Hunnigan informed him that she already sent one the moment he said the rest of the team was dead and they were 5 minutes out.

The moment the call ended, he gently moved one of Y/N 's arms around his neck before putting his arms under her body. Placing one securely under her knees and the other behind her back and under her other arm. He heard her groan in pain as he started to carry her out. Trying to figure out how to get to the roof.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Y/N/N.”

“Leon?” Her voice was hoarse, barely there.

“Yeah, yeah it’s me. I got you. Medic is 5 minutes out, okay? I’m gonna get you out. You’re gonna be okay.”

“Leon, please, just let me go.”

He shook his head, “No. I’m not doing that. I’m not letting you go. Not anytime soon.”

“But it hurts.”

He looked down at her and saw her eyes were closing again, “I know. I know it does. But I need you to keep your eyes open for me, alright? I know it’s gonna be hard, but I need you to do that.”

“But it feels better that way.”

He kicked a door open that led to stairs, “I know it does Y/N/N/N, I know. But I really need you to keep them open. Just until the evac gets here. Once they get us, you’ll be alright. You can close your eyes. Just keep them open till then.” Y/N/N/N. A nickname he came up with once when they were both drunk and abnormally clingy to one another. A nickname that he only used around her when he was close to breaking.

But she nodded, “Okay, I’ll try.”

He smiled down at her, “Good, try.”

He knew if she wasn’t injured and delirious, she would be yelling and screaming at him. So a part of him was happy she was, but most of him was scared that they medic wouldn’t get here in time and they would be fucked. That the team wouldn’t get there and he would lose her. But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t lose her. Not yet. Not now. Not when he had so much apologizing to do.

So when he made it out of the maze of a building, he let out a breath of relief when he saw the helicopter landing. Never in his life did he think he’d be so grateful that living Agents were top priority. That they’d rather lose the dead bodies and explain to the families that there was no body than possibly lose someone that could still be of use to them. Of course, he knew there was also the likelihood that they had sent two helicopters.

As he got to the Helicopter, he passed her body to one of the Agents in it before jumping in himself. And as they flew off, he helped close the door that he had jumped in from. For a moment, he stared at the window to see the sun coming up in the distance as the building exploded. But only after a second, he turned back to see the two medics already hooking Y/N up and getting her the help she needed.

He slumped down into one of the small chairs, leaning his head against the cool metal and silently watched as they flew to a hospital in Vancouver that was used to STRATCOM and the BSAA.

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