#I’m just saying they could of had a close bond and started a friendship maybe? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

imaginesmai · 3 months

Note

Hiii I absolutely adore your fics! Especially the angst 😭😭

I was wondering if you could you write something super angsty about when Az comes back from the dungeons after torture and he just looks so... broken.

Y/n (his mate) first comforts him, ofc, but then she's so pissed at Rhys for making Azzy do this that she goes to pick a fight with him. Maybe even the others have to step in after the fight starts to get physical...

You asked for angst and you shall recieve! I kind of imagine Azriel being quite closed off about his missions, so I hope I made this right! Feel free to make more requests, and thank you for your kind words!

Warnings: mentions of violence against children and their death, kind of mean!Rhys but not cruel nor hateful, just a bit dumb. Not a hate Rhysand fic.

Breaking point - Azriel

The fire had already died down, and the dinner was cold. You had spent half of your afternoon cooking, and the other half choosing your best dress. The one that kept Azriel’s eyes captured all night, that seemed to be a magnet for his hands.

It was rare to have a night for the two of you, between his work and yours as an emissary. It was rare to have him accept that night without responsibilities, but lately you always found some excuse to be together. Not mated for too long, Azriel found himself drifting away from his work to your presence.

That wasn’t the case that night.

You stared at the last candle as the fire consumed it, minutes away from turning off. Azriel had closed his side of the bond early in the morning, before you started your shift, but you tugged at it once more. Briefly, softly, tired of hours of waiting with no result.

Part of you wondered if dating the shadowsinger would be always like that. You had never complained about him his work before you, but that night was starting to feel too long.

The brief rush of air from the door being opened turned the candle off, and you turned around with a scowl ready. Your high-heels laid forgotten next to the door, and that would have been enough other times to make Azriel feel bad.

But you watched as Azriel left his own shoes next to yours without saying anything, his shoulders tense and his wings dropped.

“Az” you stared, squinting your eyes to see in the darkness of the night. “Is that blood?”

“Not mine”

His answer was harsh, like the edges of his body. Once your eyesight accommodated to the dark, your discovered that there was indeed blood. Not only the smudge on his neck that you had seen, but also on his clothes. On his wings, dripping to the floor. Dried on his shoes, that had left a few prints on the wooden floor. His hands seemed too crusted with it.

You rose from the chair and he looked at you. His face already looked crestfallen, but after noticing your dress and the dinner table, slumped more. Azriel must have forgotten about the dinner, the date and everything else. You didn’t usually talk about the details of his job, yet you gathered it took a stroll on him most of the days.

Going against every fiber of your body that had been angry minutes ago, you walked towards him barefoot.

“I’m sorry” he sighed, turning around to hang his coat. “Lost track of the time down there. I… forgot”

“It’s fine, I wasn’t sure food was edible. It did smell weird” you tried to change the mood, but he didn’t look at you. “Everything okay? That’s a lot of blood”

“Not mine” he repeated. “It’s been… complicated. Do you mind if I take a shower? We can reheat dinner and eat in the couch. I’m sure we can savage something”

“Sure. There are some leftovers from yesterday”

Azriel was a tough male, and hated to talk about his feelings. You had learned that through hard years of friendship where he didn’t let on any feelings towards you, just cold indifference. Being mated changed some things, but other stayed the same.

It would have been a mistake to try and drag answer out of him, so you let him get away to the shower. He gave you a tense smile and walked out, ignoring the worried glance you casted.

Sounds of clothes hitting the floor filled the silent apartment. You doubted what would be best, if talk to him or leave him alone. Maybe he wanted to be alone, you tried, because he hadn’t asked for your presence. Shared showers were common in your household, but not that time. Biting your lip, you considered what to do until you heard the soft brush of his wings against the tiles of the bathroom.

Azriel wouldn’t be dragging his wings through the floor if he wasn’t devastated.

Fae hearing and smell weren’t a good ally to surprising people, so he didn’t say anything when you closed the bathroom door behind you and undressed. His bulky form took almost all the space, shadows gathering close to the sink and on every corner of the small bathroom.

They brushed against your feet when you pushed the curtain aside and squeezed yourself between him and the wall. There was no way of knowing if those were tears or drops of water on his cheeks, but he still smiled at you.

“Maybe we should wait until tomorrow” he tried, his voice sounding vacant. “I’m not feeling like it right now”

“It’s the first and last time you’ll hear me say this, but I’m not thinking about that right now. Do you want to talk about it?”

“About me not wanting – “

“About today, love. I’m right here if you want to talk” you wrapped your arms around his chest, staring up at him. “Maybe it’ll feel better if you let it out”

“Doubt it”

Azriel was a head taller than you, bigger in every aspect, but your eyes still bored into him. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and his left wing twitched. It was unusual for you to have his naked form so close and do nothing about it, for him to have his favorite parts of you within reach and do nothing.

But that night you weren’t thinking about any of it as his breath shuddered for the first time since you had known him, as composure seemed to crack a little.

His face was pure anguish for a moment, all pain, devastation and sorrow. Every feeling he had comforted you through broke through his face at once. Drops of water fell from his soaked hair, that covered most of his forehead. There was no way of knowing if those were tears of just water, but there was a suspicious salty scent on the air.

“I want to be here for you, but you have to let me” you assured him, squeezing him tighter in your arms. A primal need was born in you to keep him whole, to be the glue to his broken pieces.

“It’s not something you want to hear”

“Nothing you can tell me will make me love you less, or see you different. I already love every part of you”

“Not this part” his voice sounded tight, desperate, as he made eye-contact with you.

“That’s for me to decide, Az, and I’ve already decided. What’s the matter?”

Azriel still seemed to doubt for a second. His hand searched for the back of your hair and he tugged at it aimlessly. He tangled his fingers, now clean of blood, between your soaked locks. As if the words he was about to say would break him in two, he was steadying himself against the wall with his free hand.

Maybe they were, you thought. Azriel never shared his feelings with you. He was a closed person that barely let you inside his heart as his own mate, but you were okay with that. You would give him time, every minute and second he needed, until he was comfortable with giving you his heart.

That moment seemed important enough to deserve a short pause. Azriel’s throat worked around the words, his heart speeding.

“There is a man, in the mountains. He owns a cabin deep in the forest, at least ten miles away from the nearest civilization post. Rhysand has been keeping tabs on him for a while, for some… suspicious activities”

“What activities?”

“Children. Going missing” he explained briefly, avoiding the further explanation. Him sharing something about his life outside you and your family was enough though. “It’s been going on for a while. Devlon’s daughter was between the missing ones, so the camp lord finally demanded something to be done about it”

“And you were the one to do it”

You kept your annoyance to yourself, your thoughts about Rhysand using your mate as his personal guard dog. You might love Rhysand as your High Lord and friend, but the things he made Azriel do were enough to keep your distance from him sometimes.

That time, you braced yourself for Azriel’s information and tried to be as open as possible.

“Yeah”

Azriel took another pause, and that time you were sure those were tears filling his eyes. For any answer, you leaned a bit forward and got on your tiptoes to press your lips to his jaw. It was a soft, brief kiss against his stubble that had him shuddering once more. His head fell even lower after that.

“So that’s where you’ve been all afternoon. That’s fine, no different from any other day” you contemplated when he didn’t continue. “What really happen, Az?”

“You don’t want to know”

He made his intention, his thoughts, clear for a second time. Yet there was a hidden urge on his voice that pressed you to keep asking. The bond was still closed off, but through the cracks of his part, you could feel the need to share it. It was clear that he didn’t want you to be the person to share it with, and you would have normally respected his choice.

But there were tears on his eyes, actual tears on your precious mate’s eyes that were shattering your own heart into pieces. Your strong, brave shadowsinger was breaking in that tiny shower and you were dying to be there for him.

“Azriel”

You just needed his name. It was like a prayer, like an order or a command, like a petition. He used to tell you that you saying his name was enough to put him to his knees, that buckled at the sound. Azriel’s face broke into a grimace and he suck a breath before he finally broke down.

“He kept those children in cells in his own basement. They were so skinny, so small, he wasn’t feeding them” Azriel’s breath sped up, as his words stumbled down his throat. He broke eye-contact and stared at a spot in your collarbone. “I couldn’t tell one apart from another, because he heard I was coming and burned them all down. There was no one left alive”

It took you a moment to separate the horror of the story of his own horror. The one that marked his hands that held you so lovingly, that made you coffee each morning and ticked you in the early mornings. His stepbrothers had burned his hands down, and since then, Azriel hadn’t been near an uncontrolled fire.

“I tried to save them, so save any of them. But they were all ashes”

When Azriel leaned down so he could rest his head against your shoulder, you only held him tighter. When the water turned cold and he started shivering, you just turned it off in silence and guided him to bed.

You dried him with soft touches, stopping to touch every inch of his scarred hands. Helped him get into comfortable clothes and laid with him in silence, letting him knowing you weren’t going anywhere – at least yet. You stared at him with a small smile until his eyes closed and his body relaxed, his breathing finally becoming even.

For good measure, you brushed his hair out of his face. There was no need for him to happen what had happened next. The blood on his clothes, the stains on the wooden floor. You were sure there were specks of blood in his wings, where he couldn’t reach.

Nothing Azriel told you would drag you away from him. He could become a monster and you would destroy the world with him. But that night, after hours of staying awake just staring at him safe from the horrors of the world, you got up and put back your clothes.

Then, you winnowed away.

Rhysand had been finishing reports when he noticed the breach in his home. Cassian was sitting on the couch, half-asleep with un-done reports on his own desks.

He had been waiting for Azriel’s that night, but he guessed he would receive it the next morning. When he noticed the breach, he guessed it was his spymaster bringing back information from his latest task.

Rhysand didn’t expect you appearing out of thin air on his office, with a murderous look on your face. He raised his brows lightly, and got up from his chair. He didn’t miss the way you were clenching your fists, so he decided not to cross the barrier between you and him.

“Y/N” he called your name carefully. “It’s late, shouldn’t you be asleep?”

“Azriel just came home. Destroyed. And I’m supposed to be asleep?”

“What happened?”

The mean, sarcastic laugh you barked at his question wasn’t the ‘you’ Rhysand knew. The kind emissary that settled political relationships between courts, that lighted up his brother’s darkness. You snorted again when you looked at his expecting face.

“You mean besides completing yet another cruel mission for you, one he was clearly too attached to? Why do you always send him for the worse ones? What makes your sanity more worthy than his?” you extended an arm and pointed vaguely around the room. “You’ve been here, sitting so comfortably, while my mate was getting his hands dirty on your name. And you dare to ask about – “

“I don’t sit here comfortably, I don’t value my sanity over his. Where is this coming from?”

It wasn’t the first time you had that argument, more common during the last few years. Even when Azriel was just your friend, you had always spoken against his role in Rhysand’s court. You had seen the bags under his eyes, the weight of his actions that he didn’t share with his family.

Cassian perked up from his spot at your argument and raised voices, and noticed the hostile atmosphere immediately. It was hard not to, when your own power was making the lights tremble and your eyes spark.

“Because you are draining him! He’s not a weapon you can yield against your court, he’s part of your family and your brother. And you’re gonna end up hurting him”

“You’re not the person to talk about my court or how I handle those matters. You’re not High Lord and certainly not around enough to question my rulership”

“I am his mate, the one who picks up the pieces. What you do with him isn’t family or brotherhood, is extortion and manipulation” you busted out, taking a step closer. “You saved him, good for you! That was centuries ago! And now he feels like he owns you his life and you just throw him around!”

“Careful there, Y/N. I don’t appreciate how you’re talking right now” the high lord growled under his breath, his own power waking up.

“We should talk about this in the morning”

Cassian tried to interfere, but you didn’t pay attention to him when Rhysand stepped away from the table and towards you. It wasn’t your friend who stood before you, the man you had laughed with and worked for during many years. It was the responsible of your mate’s pain and all you saw was read and hate and Azriel’s first tear rolling down.

You bared your teeth at him like a wild animal, you guessed. You were coming at him with everything you had kept through the years, and maybe it was rushed and mean, but it wasn’t unfair.

“Azriel is my brother, and he’s a valuable resource for our court that I carefully blade against – “

Rhysand’s words died down when your fist collided with the side of his mouth. He stumbled against the table, a pen rolling off. Cassian finally rose from his seat and opened his mouth to warm Rhysand, to stop you or to do something. But he didn’t move as your hand lowered again against your High Lord. You pushed him away from you, and any answer or complain Rhysand had died down when he finally focused on your face.

There were tear tracks down cheeks, and you didn’t look angry anymore. You looked desperate, broken, so sad that it robbed Rhysand’s breath.

He kept still as you pushed him once more, now his body rigid against your touch. You chocked on a sob when he didn’t flinch, your fist hitting the side of his chest. He didn’t stop you when you kept hitting him, pushing him, as you cried down every truth in that room.

You’re hurting my mate

You’re going to kill my mate

Please just leave him alone

It was your begging that made him realize that his mistakes. The sorrows that you poured in them that he saw himself in, when Feyre was hurt. It made him wonder what kind of brother he was for driving Azriel’s mate to that state.

Rhysand took everything you gave him and ordered Cassian with a silent look to leave. The male obeyed with a sharp look, disappearing minutes before your knees finally gave out and you crumbled after a weak punch. You hid your face in your hands as Rhysand tried to keep you straight. Your body shook with sobs and you didn’t have it in you to feel bad when shadows caressed your shoulders as Azriel winnowed behind you.

Your mate gently grabbed you in his arms and helped you get up. Not once he looked at Rhysand, not once he acknowledged his brother’s desperate tries to meet his eyes and speak into his mind. Azriel just held you together as he winnowed back to your bed, where he had noticed you had left him to do what he was too afraid to say himself.

“Just let him be happy” you whined one last time as shadows covered you both. His arms pulled you farther against his embrace. “You fucking prick, let me be happy”

Rhysand watched you two disappear without catching his brother’s eyes once. Azriel only looked at you with a mix of adoration and gratitude, and kept Rhysand off his mind. The High Lord stared at the empty spot you had left for a while, caressing his already bruised jaw.

Then, he fell to his chair and let the doubts and mistakes crowd his mind.

Want to read more? Check out my side blog @imaginesmaimasterlists, where I keep all the masterlists! Feedback is always appreciated

Let me know if you want me to do an Azriel taglist!

Azriel taglist:

@boygeniuses10 , @tothestarsandwhateverend

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parkerpeter24 · 1 year

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please I beg can you write a Peter Parker x reader one shot where the reader gets injured and when Peter visits her in the hospital her heart rate monitor keeps going crazy and he kind of teases her about it and she’s embarrassed but overall it’s fluffy 🙏🙏 maybe some angst because he’s worried and protective when she gets hurt but then it’s fluffy!! the heart rate monitor could expose her crush or just show the effect he has on her if they’re in an established relationship but that’s up to you <3333

omg i love this idea so much 😭

pairing ➳ peter parker x reader

requests are open (but no guarantee of writing-)

masterlist

the last thing you remembered was the bus hurling towards you. but peter had saved you.

right?

you saw flashes of his costume before you fell unconscious.

to say your friendship with peter was new would be denying the fact that you just started talking to him four months back when you two got paired for a class project. the two of you had mainly bonded over the fact that he was spider-man, obviously after you’d caught him changing into his suit in the music room.

you teased him to no avail over what would have happened if someone like flash walked in on him instead of you.

it was another boring day in queens– just like the one before– or so you thought.

after school, you decided to grab a sandwich from delmar’s. you had become a fan of their subs since peter introduced you to the deli and mr delmar. you took your sandwich and were exiting the shop when you felt the ground shake beneath your legs.

as the glass door slid out of your way, you made an exit, only to notice the commotion and all the noise. your eyes widened as you watched peter– or spider-man– holding a microphone as he spoke to a guy in a big metallic suit that looked like a rhino.

your heart skipped five beats at once as peter swung towards the guy. mr delmar was the one who shook your shoulders, snapping you out of your daze. it was as if you were frozen on the spot. you looked at the man and then back at peter before you were pulled away by mr delmar who ran away from the centre of the event grabbing your arm.

your eyes were focused behind, head turned in the direction of your friend, fighting the gigantic metallic thing. where did the guy even get this?!

when the guy in the big rhino suit stomped, everything from the ground to the buildings around you shook. the police cars were thrown around as peter urged for every citizen to evacuate the area.

the moment his mask eyes met yours, they widened, a sudden panic evident on his face even with the mask on. he swung over to you, his wide eyes meeting yours up close, “what are you doing here?!” he asked, both hands on your shoulders just like mr delmar had done to snap you out of it.

he was quick to pull you into an alleyway, away from the eyes of the rhino guy.

“i-i was getting a sandwich.” you answered, suddenly realising said sandwich wasn’t in your possession anymore, “i lost it…”

“you can’t be- don’t worry about the sandwich, get out of here!” he said, waving his hands around anxiously.

“peter, i’m worried-”

“don’t be. i got it.” he assured. you frowned, clearly not convinced by that.

“but, pete…”

“just go. as soon as this is over, we’ll get a sandwich.” he promised. at least this time you had the adrenaline to blame for making your heart skip a beat.

the two of you then had to part as he escorted you out of the alley, sending you off to the direction opposite to the rhino. you ran as fast as your legs would let you but the bust that rhino threw your way was faster.

and the last thing you heard was peter yelling your name.

your heart was still in your throat when you opened your eyes. you winced at the bright lights. who needed this amount of lights during the daytime. a sound of steady beeps filled your ears as the thumping in your ears subsided.

trying to move was a mistake as you felt the dull pain in the back of your skull. then you noticed it. a hand wrapped around yours, which was resting on the hospital bed.

“hey, hey, you’re okay.” peter’s soft voice fell in your ears as your eyesight slowly adjusted to the lights on the off-white ceilings, “you’re fine.”

“what… what happened?” you asked as your head turned slightly. peter saw your struggle and helped adjust the bed so you could see him better.

“do you remember the fight? with the rhino?” peter’s voice was hesitant.

“yeah… i do.” you said, eyebrows furrowed as he continued.

“y-you were hurt but… spider-man saved you.” he gave you a look of assurance but you could tell he was worried, “you hit your head and the doctors said- they said you might not remember a few things and i thought…”

“i’d forget you?” you finished the sentence he left off and peter nodded hesitantly. your frown deepened, “how could i?”

you wanted to say more but all you could do was squeeze his hand. peter smiled at you and your heart fluttered.

“you okay?” the brunette asked, looking at your heart rate monitor which sped up by a fraction, “it’s normal to be anxious after what happened today, but you’ll be okay.” his voice was worried and you couldn’t help the warm feeling that spread throughout your chest.

did you just get caught by peter. you’d never really acknowledged the heart but peter was quick to read the monitor again as he placed a hand on your shoulder, “y/n, you alright?”

“yes, peter.” you said quickly, “the accident and that big rhino guy, so you know?” you laughed awkwardly, “my head hurts.”

your attempt to change the topic of the conversation became successful as peter nodded, “oh yeah... you were out for a few hours because they put you on painkillers.” he gave you a pursed smile, “might have to stay here a few days.”

“oh?” you asked.

“your parents said they’d bring some necessary stuff so, they must be on their way back now.” peter explained. it took you a few moments to take it all in but then you nodded.

“are you okay though?”

“me? oh, i’m alright.” a soft squeeze to your hand made you realise that peter and you had been holding hands since the moment you opened your eyes and you cussed at yourself for letting your heart speed up at the thought.

peter’s eyes flickered to the heart rate monitor again, “what is it?”

“you’re holding my hand.” you pointed out, feeling your face heat up.

“yeah, but what- oh.” he realised what you were implying and his own cheeks turned a shade of pink, “oh?” not even a second later a smug look overtook peter’s features, “did i do that?”

“i-i don’t know what you’re talking about.” you failed miserably to hide what you’d been trying to all along when the heart rate monitor kept picking up your increased heartbeat, “can we turn this thing off?”

“quite frankly i’m enjoying it.” peter chuckled and you rolled your eyes.

“this is not fair to me!” you tried to sound offended however the smile on your face gave it away.

you two ended up sharing a laugh but as soon as it died down, peter spoke, “you know i think, if i was attached to that ‘thing’, i would have the same reaction.”

“you would?” you raised your eyebrows. it was your turn to give peter a smug look.

peter’s hand made its way over to where it had previously been, holding yours, “maybe after you’re discharged, we can go out, say… get a sandwich?”

you gave him a smile, “it’s a date.”

#peter parker fluff #peter parker imagine #peter parker #mcu peter parker #tasm!spiderman x reader #tasm!peter fluff #tasm!peter x you #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #tasm!peter parker #tasm!peter x y/n #tasm!peter imagine #peter parker angst #tasm!peter x reader

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frvnkcastles · 5 months

Text

WANT YOU SO BAD ➵ F. CASTLE

Summary: You’re Matt’s best friend and you don’t much care for how Frank treats him — but you do end up caring for the man himself.

Warnings: Language, mentions of wounds, mutual pining

Word count: 1.8k

Author’s note: Ohmygod this request is literally 8 months old, I feel so bad it took me so long but here it finally is. Anon, if you see this, I hope you enjoy it, I’m thinking of you today <3

It was no easy feat being best friends with a vigilante — as much had been proven to you ever since you had bonded with Matt Murdock. You were constantly worried about him and for someone who had no prior experience, you sure found yourself doing a lot of stitching and nursing. Sometimes you wondered what it would be like to only know the lawyer side of him, but since he had saved your life as Daredevil and you had pieced his identity together all on your own, there was no changing the facts of your friendship. And those were 1) you were scared he was gonna get himself killed one day, and 2) you were going to do all you could to protect him, just like he protected you.

So, when a certain second vigilante made his debut in your city and Matt found himself in trouble yet again, you made the big bad Punisher someone you kept your eye on — for Matt’s sake, of course.

You weren’t in their little group, so you didn’t cross paths with him too quickly, and you doubted Matt would have introduced you to him. But as fate would have it, you and Frank frequented the same diner near your apartment, and on a Saturday night just like any other, you found the man sipping coffee in the corner booth of your favorite place to get French fries.

You placed your order and then, defiantly as ever, strutted your way to Frank and sat down across from him with a stern stare etched onto your face. His own expression spoke in volumes — who the Hell were you to invade his personal space and alone time? Still, he didn’t say anything, only stared back at you, trying to figure out why you looked so familiar. Had he killed someone close to you?

”You don’t know me, but I know you”, you started, inhaling and exhaling heavily to keep your anger at bay. ”You shot my best friend in the head, you asshole”, you seethed, keeping your voice quiet to avoid other patrons overhearing you, but it was still obvious you were pissed at him.

At that, Frank chuckled. ”You’re Red’s friend”, he put two and two together, and as he reached for his coffee mug again, you snatched it away from him, evoking a frustrated glare from him.

”Damn right I am. He’s just trying to protect the people in this city. He did nothing to deserve your… your shitstorm”, you ranted, pointing a blaming finger right at his chest. He lowered his eyes to your hand, but eventually looked right back up at you, leaning in to close the distance and whisper his counter-argument over the table.

”Yeah? Tell your friend he’s a fuckin’ coward. The criminals in this city… they don’t deserve a second chance. He ain’t makin’ any difference. I put a stop to ’em”, he growled, his eyes a bottomless pit as you made contact with them, and something about the sincere fury in them made you swallow. You were angry, but so was he, that much was obvious.

Before you could say anything more, the lady working at the diner brought your bag of food over to you, and gave you a reason to leave Frank alone. As you got up, you clenched your jaw and gave him one last look.

”I’ve got my eye on you”, you warned him, and as you walked away, Frank couldn’t help but chuckle. You were a force, and as much as he tried to resist, he felt drawn to that.

The next time you and Frank were in the same orbit, you were having a night out with your two best friends. It wasn’t the classiest bar, and maybe that was why it had attracted lowlifes to its pool table, but the drinks they served were cheap and the music they played good enough to dance to — that was why you were there, and that was exactly what you told him when he found you by the counter.

”This place ain’t safe”, he spoke quietly by your ear, trying to warn you, but you were feeling stubborn and a little drunk, so his attempt to get you out didn’t go too well.

”Screw you, who are you to tell me I can’t enjoy a night out?” you spat at him, loud enough for the gang members by the pool table to turn their attention to you. You were nobody to them, but Frank? He was far too easily recognized, and before you realized it, a full-blown gunfight had broken out.

Frank hauled you over the bar counter and you crouched onto the floor to shield yourself from the gunfire. Screams filled the night as people ran out of the bar, but Frank ran towards the danger, reminding you all too much of Matt. But when you peeked over the counter, you saw him in all his glory, and in that moment, he wasn’t like your best friend at all. Whereas Matt was graceful and precise in his movements, Frank was brute power, using his fists when guns didn’t do the trick. Blood coated his knuckles and he didn’t stop even when the men were down — only when they lay dead and he could catch his breath over their bodies.

You stood up and stared at him in some kind of wonder and amazement, but the words that tumbled out of your mouth were far from appreciative. ”Way to ruin girls’ night”, you scoffed, and rolling his eyes, Frank looked you over to make sure you were okay.

”They get you?” he rasped, and shaking your head, you smoothed your hands over your dress.

”I’m good.”

Nodding, Frank wiped his hands against his jeans and then offered one to you. ”Aight. I’m walkin’ you home. Don’t even try and protest, sweetheart.”

Reluctantly, you took his hand. ”I’m not your sweetheart”, you muttered under your breath, but he heard it, anyway, and it made him crack half a smile.

For such a big city, your circles seemed to be quite small. You ran into each other almost habitually after that, and without fail you managed to lecture him about treating Matt better and he argued back. But in between those little spats, you had both developed a liking to seeing each other, even if neither of you would admit it. Still, you couldn’t stop thinking about him, and you were doing a hell of a job distracting him from his mission, just by being you.

Undoubtedly, you had gotten under his skin, because not much time had gone by when he was actually working with Matt, not against him. Of course, you only learned about this when the two men appeared at your doorstep in the middle of the night.

You opened the door only to find Matt struggling to support Frank’s weight on him, a pool of blood soaking through the latter’s shirt. ”What the fuck?” you breathed out, stepping aside to let them in, and Matt didn’t waste any time in getting Frank to your couch.

”He took a knife for me”, Matt explained vaguely before turning to you and placing a hand on your shoulder. ”I need to go back out and make sure they didn’t follow us here. Can you handle him?” he asked you with genuine concern behind his words, but you didn’t hesitate.

”Yeah, I got this. Go, get out of here”, you urged him, and with that, he fled the apartment and left you alone with a groaning Frank. You glanced at him before heading for the bathroom where you quickly grabbed your first-aid kit and then stepped back into the living room where you crouched in front of him.

”I can do it myself”, Frank tried, but you slapped his hand away and gave him a glare.

”I got it. Take your shirt off”, you commanded, and for a second, Frank simply looked at you, but eventually caved in. With a huff, he struggled to get his shirt off but soon enough it was tossed onto the floor and you could get a good look at the gash on his abdomen. ”Okay. Definitely needs stitches but you’ll live”, you assessed the situation before taking out the disinfectant and getting to work.

You were both silent for a moment, with you focusing on Frank and Frank looking around the apartment, taking in all the details. It was so you. You had turned the place into a home, something he hadn’t been in for a long time, and against his better judgment, he relaxed. With you, he felt safe, like he could breathe again.

”So, you were protecting him, huh?” you asked finally, not looking up from the wound but the teasing tone in your voice was obvious.

Frank snorted. ”It ain’t that deep. You look after the people on your team, ’s all. I wasn’t gonna be outnumbered like that”, he explained it away, and now, it was your turn to chuckle.

”You sure you didn’t get attached? Maybe it started out as a rivalry, but then you realized he wasn’t so bad, after all. In fact, he’s kind of nice. Just what you needed. And now you can’t imagine being without him”, you theorized, right as you completed the final stitch.

”We still talkin’ about Red?” Frank asked in that deep voice of his, and your heart skipped a beat. You looked up at him, your eyes locked on each other, and suddenly you were painfully aware of his shirtless state. It was truly a sight to behold — he was sculpted like an artist’s handiwork, and now, with your neatly applied stitches on him, maybe he was.

”I’m done now”, you evaded the question while reaching for his shirt and handing it back over to him. Frank shrugged it back on, and you made a move to get up from the floor, but he stopped you with a gentle hand on your wrist.

”I did get attached”, he admitted quietly, avoiding your eyes for a beat before looking right into your soul and tilting his head at you. You were situated right between his knees, resting on top of your own, and it gave him the perfect angle to lean down and seal the distance between your lips. His landed on yours like a magnet was pulling them together, soft and sweet, not at all as rough or intimidating as he was. With you, he was gentle and tender, and your heart fluttered when he pulled away.

”Red’s gonna be so mad”, he whispered, and you couldn’t help but giggle, both of you chuckling before he kissed you again, a little more determined and heavy this time. Your eyes closed and you brought both hands to his face, cradling him and holding him close to you, all the while you breathed each other in.

”I guess he’s just gonna have to deal with it.”

#frank castle #frank castle fanfiction #frank castle x reader #the punisher #the punisher x reader

380 notes · View notes

misshoneyimhome · 1 month

Note

can we get some brothers best friend action with will?

where reader is mitch marner’s twin sister, and for as long as every one can remember, william and reader have always silently swooned and liked one another, and constantly blatantly flirted with each other. but reader had a long-term boyfriend, who might i add is/was super toxic and she physically couldn’t break up with him in fear he’d hurt her… so when they eventually did break up after he had done something bad to her, she ran to will’s apartment, not knowing who else to go to.

“No, I’m not leaving you like this.” Will

“Just tell me what you want.” Will

“I want you.” Reader

Absolutely, we can! Well, at least I hope we can 💓

I tried to portray your idea, but I wasn't sure if I made it too heavy 😅 I'm typically not into darker themes, but I found my thoughts naturally drifting in that direction 💓😉

If there was meant to be more of a smutty undertone, please let me know - I believe there could be a continuation, but I didn't feel it would mesh well with the dramatic scene 😉

Tropes & warnings; friends to lovers; mild abusive!boyfriend, toxic relationship; language, hurt emotions; happy ending, I promise!

Word count; 3.1K

Taglist; @couldawouldashoulda50, @findapenny

・✶ ｡ﾟ

Storm & Thunder - “No, I’m not leaving you like this!” I William Nylander 🖋️🔥

For as far back as anyone could recall, there's been an undeniable connection between you and William Nylander. Growing up as Mitch Marner's twin sister, your life was closely linked to his from the early days of being drafted. And ever since the chemistry between you and William was unmistakable, simmering quietly beneath the surface like a promise yet to be fulfilled.

It all started innocently enough, with playful teasing and banter exchanged during family dinners and time spent in the hockey community. Initially, you were just friends; William saw you as nothing more than his good friend’s sister, and you were happy with that. However, as time passed, something changed between you, developing into a deeper, more significant bond.

It was in the stolen glances across crowded rooms, the gentle touches when passing each other in the hallway of the training arena or after games, and the way your heart would skip a beat whenever he flashed his trademark smirk at you.

And you knew you weren't alone in sensing the magnetic attraction between you. William's gaze lingered a fraction longer than necessary, his smile slightly softer when directed at you. Though neither of you dared to articulate your feelings, the truth was apparent in the way your bodies drew closer together, pulled by an invisible force that seemed to strengthen with each passing day.

Even your friends and family couldn't deny the vibe. They shared knowing glances whenever you and William were in the same room, nudging each other with sly smiles as if to say, "I knew it."

But despite the undeniable chemistry and the encouragement from those around you, something held you back—a silent agreement that neither of you dared to break. Maybe it was the fear of messing up a good thing, or perhaps it was the uncertainty of what lay beyond the boundaries of your friendship. Mitch had never outright forbidden you from dating his teammates, but there was a lingering sense of loyalty, a feeling that taking things further with William might upset the delicate balance of your relationships.

So, you and William circled around each other, caught in a never-ending game of cat and mouse where the stakes were higher than either of you cared to admit.

Timing, in particular, had never been on your side.

Despite the undeniable connection between you and William, there was one unsurmountable obstacle standing in the way - your boyfriend, Marc, who cast a dark shadow over your life.

At first, Marc seemed like a dream come true. As the true gentleman he was, he showered you with attention, affection, and gifts, making you feel incredibly fortunate. The sex between you was nothing but amazing and intense, dare you say, almost addictive. And his presence in your life gradually expanded, until it felt like he was a permanent fixture in your small studio apartment.

However, as time passed, his once-charming facade began to crack. He became possessive, demanding, and controlling, suffocating you with his actions and leaving scars deeper than any physical wound could. You weren’t allowed to socialise freely with your friends, your work hours were restricted to 9-5, and attending hockey games was only permitted on weekends, if at all.

You attempted to break free from his grip numerous times, but each effort only seemed to tighten the chains that bound you to him. Marc wielded power over you with precision, manipulating your emotions and exploiting your vulnerabilities until you felt unworthy of anything better.

He was a skilled manipulator, a true narcissist who thrived on exerting dominance over you, leaving you feeling powerless and isolated in your suffering.

You weren’t entirely naïve, though. Deep down, you did recognise your own worth. You knew you deserved love, respect, and care. Yet, the fear of Marc's anger, his violent outbursts, and the harsh words he directed at you, kept you ensnared in a cycle of psychological abuse and manipulation.

The thought of what he might do if you tried to break free, of the repercussions that would surely follow if you dared to defy him, was unbearable. So, you remained, trapped in a prison of your own creation, suffocating under the weight of a love that had turned toxic long ago. And as days melted into weeks, and weeks into months, you began to lose hope that you would ever find a way to escape his grasp and reclaim your life.

Yet, even in the darkest moments, amid the suffocating despair, there was a glimmer of hope—a lifeline that you clung to with all your strength. And that lifeline came in the form of William Nylander, the Swedish figure who had always seen beyond the façade you'd constructed around yourself and into the depths of your true self.

He understood the truth, perhaps better than anyone else. Not even Mitch, your own twin, could grasp the extent of your suffering, but William did. He noticed the faint bruises beneath your sleeves, the forced smiles that failed to reach your eyes, and the way you flinched at the slightest unexpected noise. Although Marc had never physically harmed you, his tendency to grab onto you had left marks on your arms.

"Try and leave him, y/n/n – we’re all here for you," William would gently urge you, his voice a comforting salve to your wounded spirit, fully aware that leaving wasn't an easy choice for you to make.

"I-I can't, Willy," you'd sob, tears choking your voice as you sought refuge in his embrace, your heart burdened with the dread of what awaited you at home.

William grasped the complexities of your predicament and proceeded with caution, never pushing you beyond your boundaries but always offering steadfast support.

Through every tear and every outburst, he remained by your side, a guiding light in the darkness threatening to engulf you. His mere presence dispelled the shadows, reminding you that you weren't alone in your struggles.

Though you struggled to articulate your gratitude, he didn't need to hear the words. His deeds spoke volumes, a silent vow that he would never desert you, no matter how fierce the storm raged around you.

And as days turned into weeks, you found solace in William's companionship, seeking refuge in the warmth of his embrace and the security of his apartment nearly every day. With Marc increasingly absent, claiming to be preoccupied with his newfound interest in golf with his co-workers – or so he called her – your time with William became more frequent and precious. You even managed to spend more time at the Ford Performance Center and the Scotiabank Arena along with the rest of the players and friends.

In those moments, surrounded by his laughter and the camaraderie of the team, you experienced a peace that had long eluded you. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, you could smile without the weight of the world pressing down on you, laugh without fearing retaliation, and simply be yourself without the suffocating presence of your toxic boyfriend looming over you.

It felt liberating. It felt like the right path. And as you snuggled closer to William on his spacious sofa one evening, his reassuring presence soothing your tired soul, you dared to believe that perhaps, just perhaps, there was hope for a brighter tomorrow.

However, the next night, everything collapsed like a house of cards.

It began like any other disagreement, a petty argument over insignificant matters that somehow escalated into a full-blown confrontation. How it had started was a blur, lost in the fog of anger and frustration that clouded your mind. But as the voices grew louder, so did the intensity of your emotions.

Marc's accusations struck deep, his words piercing your heart like daggers. He blamed you for spending too much time with the Maple Leafs and their partners, alleging that your passion for hockey was abnormal and unhealthy. But you knew the truth. He was simply envious of your brother's success, resentful of the bond you shared with Mitch, and the happiness you derived from supporting him at the arena where you had spent countless years together.

And in that moment, something within you snapped. Years of suppressed frustration and bitterness erupted to the surface, igniting a tempest of emotions that threatened to engulf you both. You couldn't stand by and allow him to diminish the one thing that brought you happiness, the one thing that had been a constant source of comfort and support throughout your life.

With tears streaming down your cheeks and your heart pounding in your chest, you found yourself standing up to him in a way you never thought possible. It was as if you had grown wings, emboldened by his words and fuelled by a newfound sense of defiance. You refused to let him dictate the terms of your life any longer, to control what brought you joy and fulfilment.

In a voice filled with determination, you shouted back at him, each word echoing like a battle cry against the tyranny of his dominance. Though your hands trembled, and your knees threatened to give way, you stood your ground, unwilling to yield in the face of his aggression.

For the first time in what felt like an eternity, you felt a glimmer of hope kindle within you, a beacon of light in the darkness that had threatened to consume you.

“Why the fuck do you even care, Marc? You're always at work, with your colleagues, or with some other whore you've picked up! You don't even love me; you don't even want to fuck me! Why can't you just leave me alone? I don't want you in my life! You're not some gift from God to the wor-"

And then it happened. Like a bolt of lightning, as the words poured from your lips, fuelled by years of pent-up frustration and resentment, Marc silenced you with a swift, forceful slap across your cheek.

The sting was sharp, cutting through your skin like a hot iron. Your hand instinctively rose to cradle the tender flesh, the red mark a painful testament to the violence just inflicted upon you. Tears streamed down your cheeks unchecked, your eyes swollen and puffy as the reality of the situation began to sink in.

The room descended into silence, as the only sound was the distant hum of the city beyond. You stood frozen, unable to move as shock and fear gripped you in their icy hold. Your mind screamed at you to flee, to escape the danger lurking in his gaze, but your body remained rooted to the spot.

Then, you noticed it—the spark of something sinister igniting in his eyes, a predatory glint that sent a chill down your spine. And suddenly instinct took over, adrenaline flooding your veins as your heart raced in your chest. Without hesitation, you turned and ran.

The fight-or-flight response kicked in, and in that moment, flight was your only recourse. Your feet pounded against the pavement, carrying you forward with a speed you didn't know you possessed. You had to get away, to break free from the toxic and perilous situation that had ensnared you for too long.

And as you vanished into the night, seeking refuge from the tempest raging both inside and out, you knew there was only one place you could go: to William's.

You knew you must have looked a sight: eyes swollen and puffy, tears still tracing down one cheek, the other flushed red from Marc's blow. Rain had soaked your hair, leaving it a tangled mess against your face, while your sweater clung damply to your body. Even your homey sandals couldn't escape the rain, their socks sodden from your frantic escape.

The train journey dragged on, each stop feeling like an eternity. Anxiety gripped you tighter with every passing moment, your mind overrun with a whirlwind of thoughts and fears. You couldn't help but keep checking over your shoulder, heart pounding with the dread of Marc following you.

And upon arriving at your destination, you wasted no time, hastening towards the familiar safety of William's apartment building. Fortunately, the guard recognised you despite your dishevelled state, offering a sympathetic smile as he opened the door, though you were too consumed by your turmoil to acknowledge his kindness.

Breathless and trembling, you rode the lift to the upper floor, each second feeling like an eternity as your heart continued to race in your chest. The journey blurred by, your mind struggling to process the night's events and the enormity of what had just occurred.

And finally, you stood before William's door, your hand hesitating for a moment before instinct propelled you to knock softly against the wood. As you waited for him to answer, a single plea echoed in your mind: please, let him be home.

"Y/n? Shit, what's happened?" William's voice was filled with concern as he swung the door open, taking in your dishevelled appearance. "Fuck, come in."

But you were frozen, your body unable to respond as the realisation dawned that you might finally be safe, yet still unable to shake off the shock.

And William sensed the gravity of the situation, approaching you with cautious steps, mindful not to startle you further. He stood calmly, giving you the space, you needed to ease out of the grip of the adrenaline rush.

Words caught in your throat, the weight of the ordeal bearing down on you heavily. You wanted to explain, to recount the nightmare that had unfolded, but fear and uncertainty barricaded your words. Yet, as you stood there, trembling and teetering on the edge of collapse, William's reassuring presence began to seep into your core, offering the comfort you so desperately needed.

"It's... Marc," you managed to choke out, tears once again streaming down your cheeks. "He— he hurt me..."

The words hung in the air, the truth settling heavily between you like a dark cloud. In that moment, William's expression transformed, a mix of anger and concern contorting his features.

"What?" he exclaimed sharply, his eyes flashing with fury. "He hit you?"

"Yes... I'm... I'm sorry... I didn't know... where else to go..." you whispered.

William felt a fire ignite within him at the revelation, a fierce protectiveness washing over him as he fought the urge to seek retribution against the man who had dared to lay a hand on you. But he knew that now wasn't the time for vengeance. Now was the time to comfort you, to ensure your safety and well-being above all else.

So, with gentle motions, he wrapped an arm around you and slowly guided you into his condo, his presence a comforting shield against the turmoil. Seating you on the sofa, he enveloped you in his embrace, his touch offering solace amidst the chaos.

Though familiar with such scenarios, tonight felt weightier than usual. Your boyfriend's actions had crossed a line, and it was time for decisive action. William simply couldn't bear seeing you in such distress any longer. You, whom he loved so deeply, deserved nothing but happiness. And he was determined to see that you received it.

And with every passing second, his soft whispered reassurances began to ease the tension, as he draped a blanket over your shoulders, and you felt a warmth spreading through you.

However, as you sat there, enveloped in the comforting silence, guilt gnawed at your insides like a relentless beast.

"I'm so sorry, Willy... I-I didn't mean to ruin your evening," you spoke softly, regret tingeing your voice.

"Hey, you're not ruining anything," William replied, his tone tender and reassuring, yet you couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze.

"Yes, I am... I'm always just intruding on your life with all my problems," you sighed heavily, the weight of your burdens pressing down on you. "You should just leave me alone, Willy... I'm just 50 shades of fucked up..."

"No, I'm not leaving you like this," William interjected firmly, his voice brooking no argument.

"Please, I don't want to be a burden to you anymore..." you pleaded, your voice tinged with desperation, a bit louder this time.

"Then what do you want?" William asked, his gaze unwavering as he searched your face for answers.

"I-I don't know..." you admitted, feeling lost and uncertain amidst your turmoil.

"Come on, y/n, just tell me what you want," William urged, his voice a steady anchor in the storm of your emotions.

And then, in a moment of raw vulnerability, the words spilled from your lips without hesitation.

"I want you," you confessed, your voice stronger than a whisper, finally meeting his gaze.

"You have me... You've always had," William replied softly, meeting your eyes with unwavering sincerity.

"No, I want to be with you, Willy..."

In that moment, as your eyes locked, a wave of comfort washed over you, a sense of peace settling over your troubled soul like a gentle caress.

You had finally vocalised what you'd been longing to say for so long, the ties with your boyfriend holding you back now severed. But now, you were free. And your first act of freedom was to express to William how deeply you desired him.

"I'm sorry... I just... I know I've been nothing but a burden to you all these years," you confessed, attempting a half-smile. "But... I've always... I've always been in love with you... I guess I've just never... been able to say it... out loud."

It was a tremendous relief, and you felt the weight lift from your shoulders. And as much as joy stirred within you, William too released a sigh he'd been holding onto for years.

"I'm in love with you too, y/n... I always have been," he revealed, flashing you a tender smile, before he gently leaned his forehead against yours, his hand tenderly caressing your cheek. "I love you so much, and all I want is for you to be happy."

Drawing back slightly, you locked eyes with his deep ocean blue gaze. "You make me happy, Willy... You always have," you exhaled softly. And with the floodgates open, you couldn't contain the emotions any longer. "You've always been there for me... and I can't put into words how much it's meant... you're my soulmate..."

William offered you a wider smile, his lips drawing closer to yours. "And you're mine..."

It was the moment you'd yearned for, and now, after an evening filled with thunder and heartache, the universe had healed the wounds and guided you to where you truly belonged: with William Nylander. And as your lips met in a tender kiss, sharing the warmth of your breath, you knew without a doubt that you had finally come home.

#my asks #wn88 imagine #william nylander imagine #william nylander x reader #toronto maple leafs imagine #nhl fanfiction #nhl imagine

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digitaldiarystuff · 6 months

Text

FRIENDS?

Hello everyone, this is my digital diary which I’ll pour what’s in my head. Hope you enjoy my writing and feel free to reach out to me!

— — — —

summary: you’ve met Jude through your close friend which put you in the same friend group but even though you’ve fancied him from the jump you’re also scared because you know how footballers can be

pairing: Y/N - Jude Bellingham

genre: angst / fluff

— — — —

“Are you done putting the decorations up?” your friend Chris asked. This was his christmas party and you were helping him add the finishing touches.

“Yeah I’m almost done. Don’t worry it’s going to be great.” you said reassuringly.

“I know but this is my first christmas in Madrid and I want everything to be perfect.” he said coming to the living room to see the final product.

You have known Chris since you were in high school, your parents knew each other and you were cordial until the end of high school when you both decided to move to a bigger city. You, for education and him to pursue his music career which has been great so far. He had put out 2 albums in 2 years and had big success.

When you were new to the city, you two bonded over the loneliness you sometimes felt and that prompted your close friendship. Even as he gained followers and became famous, he made sure you were with him. He invited you to events, referred to you as a sister in interviews.

“It’s going to be amazing!” you exclaimed as the doorbell rang. He went to open the door welcoming his friends which consisted of some influencers, producers and even one or two footballers who listened to him and invited him to games.

You hugged them as everyone was coming in and complimenting the party and you. Being one of the few people who wasn’t a celebrity, you’ve put a lot of effort into your appearance tonight. You wanted to look good.

“Hello, darling.” you heard someone say and you absolutely knew who he was. It was Jude freaking Bellingham. You’ve met Jude through Chris as well and you’ve formed a semi close friendship over the last couple months, though you couldn’t help but develop a massive crush on the guy from the day you’ve seen him. He was everything you’d wanted, handsome, nice, sassy, tall and funny but you always remained cool. Even though you sometimes felt his eyes on you for too long or his hand on the small of your back, you knew how they were and you couldn’t blame him. He’s in his prime and playing for one of the most prestigious clubs in the world, he could get anyone he wanted and you reminded yourself that a couple of times a day just to get him out of your mind.

“Hi Jude!” you said and hugged him.

“You look incredible.” he said while his nose was in your hair, the hug lasted an eternity before you decided to pull back.

“Thank you, you look great too.” you said slightly blushing. He had this kind of effect on you, he said things that wouldn’t normally make you feel things like this. He really looked amazing, though. He was wearing a black button up shirt since this was a special occasion but you knew whatever he was wearing didn’t matter he just was devastatingly handsome.

“Okay, let’s get this party started!” Chris yelled as everyone around you cheered including Jude.

It had been a couple of hours into the party and everyone was pretty wasted at this point. You were also a little dizzy but not too bad. It was going great with games and traditions and right now you were sitting on the couch between Chris and Sofie, one of your friends and playing cards when your eyes caught Jude’s. He was out by the pool and drinking alone, deep in thoughts.

You excused yourself and went over to him. He didn’t notice you until you were just in front of him.

“Don’t party this much, you might regret it tomorrow.” you said in a teasing voice.

“How can I enjoy myself if you’re far from me?” he asked in the same tone.

“I-you could’ve come to me.” you mumbled in a newly found confidence. Maybe you shouldn’t have had that last glass of champagne.

“You wanna sit?” he asked as he slides on the sunbed. You carefully sat next to him hoping you weren’t in his space much but on the contrary, Jude felt like you were too far away and gently placed his hand on your waist pulling you closer.

“This is better.” he mumbled, clearly more intoxicated than you’ve ever seen him. He was always a flirty person with you but this was next level.

“What were you thinking?” you asked suddenly remembering seeing him sitting alone silently.

“I wasn’t thinking of anything.” he answered but you just raised your brow.

“What? I wasn’t!” he said like a kid that’s been caught.

“I know you better than that Bellingham.” you said.

“Well, if you really know me, you tell me what I was thinking.”

“That’s not how this works!” you exclaimed laughing. He joined after hearing you.

“I was thinking about you.”

“What were you thinking about me?”

“I was thinking” he trailed off. You decided to wait and not pester him.

“…about you.” he confessed and looked up to your eyes staring intensely. It’s like he was trying to read your thoughts about his confession.

“Jude” you said, sighing. You wanted to believe his words so bad but seeing every footballer you know being a player, you found it hard to believe.

“Y/N” he said in the same tone, trying to get your attention to him.

“It’s true, I was thinking of you.” he tried again.

“You’re just drunk.” you chuckled slightly trying to lift the mood. You were in denial, hoping he would just stop this before you say how you feel about him embarrassing yourself because you were too close to saying how you always think about him as well.

“I am.” he accepted. “But that doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

You gulped and your eyes closed for a second before you opened them again and saw him even closer than before. Your eyes shifted to his lips and he watched your every move carefully. Just as he was leaning in, one of your drunken friends yelled out to you stating she was going home before being sick. You turned to her immediately afraid that she’d realize what’s going on but she was too wasted to even see anything. You got up and went to her without even glancing at Jude embarrassed about being this afraid. It wasn’t like you haven’t thought about kissing him, it was just you knew he was drunk and didn’t want to be just someone for him to spend the night with and leave without caring.

One by one, everyone started leaving. It was just Chris, his situationship, you, 2 of his friends and Jude. The night had slowed down and you were just on the couch talking about life until Chris took his lady’s hand and took her upstairs before telling you to crash wherever you want to.

You started cleaning up before going up to the guest bedroom that was designated for you. You took a trash bag from the kitchen trying to empty plates until you felt another presence in there with you. It was Jude.

“Did they leave?” you asked, trying to make conversation. You were still pretty nervous about your moment out by the pool.

“Yeah.” he said shortly. Just as he was bringing the glasses on the counter he stumbled and nearly broke them before pulling himself together.

“You’re barely walking straight, just stop Jude.” you said laughing.

“No, I’m not!” he said offended.

“C’mon.” you said taking his hand in yours to help him balance, taking him to the guest bedroom. He drove there and there’s no way you were letting the starboy of football drunk drive on christmas.

“Where are you taking me?” he asked like a child.

“The guest bedroom, you need to sleep.”

He didn’t protest, just followed you but held your hand harder. Just then you realized how you were holding hands but didn’t want to make it awkward and pull your hand back.

You entered the room followed by Jude and sat him on the bed. He still didn’t let go of your hand. You tried pulling back but he didn’t let you.

“Jude, you need to rest.” you said smiling softly.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I’m going downstairs to clean up a little and rest too.” you explained.

“Where?”

You actually now realized this is the only spare bedroom in Chris’ home.

“On the couch.” you said sounding more like a question.

“No you’re not.” he said making you sit down with him.

“Yes I am, we can’t fit in one bed.” you said terrified about the possibility of sleeping next to Jude. You already knew you couldn’t even relax just hold your breath the entire night.

“Are you calling me fat?” he asked, smiling.

“No, I’m calling you big.”

“I heard girls like that.” he smugly said. Of course girls liked it, especially me.

“Well, some girls do.”

“And you don’t?” he asked curiously.

“Jude, you’re wasted. Just sleep.” you said trying to change the subject.

“I’m not even tipsy Y/N. I’ve only had 2 beers.” he said like it was obvious.

“What-Well you looked drunk.” you said shocked.

“That was the only way to get you to pay attention to me. Look, you’re taking care of me.” he said motioning your intertwined hands.

“Well, that’s what friends are for.” you said looking down.

“Yeah, friends do that. But we’re not friends.” he said before leaning in and capturing your lips with his and kissing you softly.

#jude bellingham #football #football imagine #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham oneshot #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham x yn #football oneshot #football angst #football fluff

193 notes · View notes

lestappenforever · 4 months

Note

So, I’m like a realist, right? Sure, yes, I ship people from time to time but I know it’s just for funsies. So, I saw a lestappen edit last week and was like “hey cute guys, what’s up with these two? I better check it out.” and have fallen into a bit of a rabbit hole it seems. So I’m back in the real world now, where Max is in a long term relationship and Charles has a girlfriend, and am wondering: how does one explain Max’s behaviour? Does he just have a friend-crush on Charles? Has he always wanted to be friends with him since they were young and it was just hard since they’ve been rivals for so long? Does he envy him maybe since his father wasn’t a pos and he still turned into a great driver? Is it a “it’s lonely at the top” kind of situation, where he’s never been able to make many friends his own age? (I’ve seen Charles with a bunch of friends outside of racing, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen Max with any, but that could be on me.) I mean, a blind person could see that Max takes every opportunity to talk to him or be close to him and he knows stuff about him I’d personally be too embarrassed to admit (like getting his “stupid” quote exactly right or knowing about the twitch thing with his girlfriend forgetting her keys, etc.). I guess I’m looking for the actual non-shippy explanation for this behaviour cause it fascinates me. What are your two cents on this?

Hi anon, and welcome to the world of Lestappen! We're happy to have you. ❤️

I will preface this by saying that shipping is solely for fun, and I don't actually believe Max and Charles are in a secret relationship or anything of the sort. The majority of Lestappen shippers on Tumblr are on the same page about this, with some exceptions, but there are exceptions to anything. And a big part of shipping is speculating, being delusional about them, and overanalyzing things.

Now, in terms of a non-shipping explanation as to why these two behave the way they do around each other, I think it's a combination of all the reasons you've already listed. And the thing about Max and Charles is that they have known each other for so many years. They have been in each other's orbit, in one way or another, for the majority of their lives, and there is no denying that they have seen each other as one of — if not the — biggest rival they've had since they were children. Despite the fact that a lot of the current drivers on the grid have raced each other at some point before F1, there doesn’t seem to be any of them that have the same sort of rivalry that Max and Charles have, which goes so far back. And that kind of bond is one that I believe sticks with you forever.

Now this is not a delusional take at all, as this quote by Armando Filini, manager of the Maranello Kart, the first team for which Leclerc raced, proves: “They were always fighting. It didn't matter if they were competing in a tie or in a final, if it was raining or if the track was dry. Once we were in Genk, Belgium, in the first free practice, and they went on track. Charles and Max met, began to push each other and almost hit each other, with the risk of being left out. Jos Verstappen and I were glued to the fence to look at them and he turned around and said to me: 'These two will fight forever. They will fight even in F1′. A prophecy”.

Even though Max and Charles obviously haven’t been best friends for the majority of the time they've known each other, and they've only started building what appears to be a genuine friendship in the last few years, they share a connection that has been evident to people around them since they were little.

Max's comment from last season where he said that he wasn't surprised both him and Charles were sitting in that press conference together because he always thought that if he made it into F1, Charles would too, is just another testament to how tied together they actually are. And Charles' fond recollections of their karting days in the past season shows that it's a mutual thing: that Charles feels that same bond with Max that Max feels with him. And I think this is the whole baseline for why they've never been able to be normal about or around each other: because they go so far back and their lives are so intertwined that I honestly don't think either of them is fully capable of treating the other as just any other colleague or friend, because they don't see each other that way. They're something more, and by that I don't mean they're secretly in love with each other — they just have this bond that goes beyond normal friendship, forged through years of rivalry, envy, conflict, mutual growth and respect, and eventual friendship.

I have a childhood friend sort of like that: obviously not with the rivalry and drama that comes with the surroundings in which Max and Charles met and grew up, but someone that I share a bond with that I don't share with any of my other friends, old or new, and it's honestly my most treasured friendship because it has helped shape me as a person in a profound sort of way. He's not my closest friend and not the friend I talk to the most since we live on different sides of the country and our paths haven’t crossed much in the past few years, as is often the case when you grow up and become an independent adult. But when I do talk to him and hang out with him, it kind of feels like coming home. And to me, it seems like Max and Charles share that same type of bond.

This is just my personal take as I obviously don't know Max or Charles, and this is all based off of watching their interactions and watching their relationship develop over the past few years, as well as deepdiving into their history in the past. But this is the explanation that makes sense to me.

#Asks #Anon asks #Lestappen asks #Lestappen dynamics anons #Lestappen

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vyncentevelyn · 8 months

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Halsin: *completely out of no where* I want to fuck.

Iseult: *chokes on Ithbank* I’m sorry? What did I miss here?

Halsin: Your actions have been as such since I arrived at camp as a lover - not as a host…

Iseult: *rummages through the thoughts around the tadpole trying to remember what she could have done to show this*

Emperor: Girl, I got nothing.

Iseult: I…

Halsin: If I have misread the situation let me know, lest I sour our friendship.

Iseult: Halsin, I’m already in a...relationship...

Halsin: Astarion. Yes you are bonded, body and soul. His scent clings to your skin.

Iseult: *nods slowly* ...his scent...yes...

Halsin: He would have to consent to anything before it could happen.

Iseult: *stares blankly up at the large Druid, mouth slightly agape*

Halsin: And perhaps, eventually he could join.

Iseult: *her jaw drops, her head is on the brink of exploding*

Halsin: But one word from you and I will drop the matter entirely.

Iseult: *clears her throat* Halsin, had I not started *waves a hand in Astarion’s general location* anything with him, had Astarion and I never met, I might have been interested but I am with him. It’s not that I’m restricted to monogamy, it’s just things are…complicated…and I want to give fully what I am to him…I…

Halsin: *his eyes flash but he smiles softly* Say no more. If things ever change, we will talk then.

*Iseult walks over to Astarion’s tent and flops down onto the pillows beside him*

Astarion: *looks over from his book* Are you drunk?

Iseult: *pushes her hair out of her face* Ex-extremely.

Astarion: *closes his book*

Iseult: You, *points at him* you!

Astarion: *puts his hand on his chest* Me?

Iseult: You will not believe!

Astarion: Do tell.

Iseult: *flings hands out in the direction of where she walked in from and gestures wildly* He just, just. He just said it.

Astarion: Said what?

Iseult: *impersonating Halsin* His scent clings to your skin. *drops the impression and her arms, she leans forward and whispers* Duh.

Astarion: *chuckles softly* So Halsin finally confessed?

Iseult: *her eyes grow wide* YOU KNEW?!

Astarion: Darling, I know people and the Druid is not exactly subtle.

Iseult: I just thought he was really nice.

Astarion: *clicks his tongue* My poor, sweet little Drow, how are you so naive?

Iseult: *narrows her eyes* I'm not naive, I'm drunk.

Astarion: That I am well aware of darling. Now come over here, I need to catch up and you need to calm down.

Iseult: *clumsily crawls over to Astarion, turning around so that her back is to him* Maybe I'm a little dumb.

Astarion: *gathers her hair and moves it from one side of her neck* You said it, not me.

Iseult: *leans back into Astarion as he bites her neck* Do I really smell like you?

Astarion: *mumbles against her skin*

Iseult: You smell good. Like...mulled wine and...and...cinders...and mulled wine...

Astarion: *he pulls off her neck* You said that twice, love. *he pauses as he goes to drink again* What else?

Iseult: Salt. *she sighs* You smell good.

Astarion: *she can feel him smile against her skin as he drinks*

Iseult: You know what else?

Astarion: Hmmm?

Iseult: He said it would have to be with your consent -

Astarion: *he releases her neck* Well that was considerate of him.

Iseult: - and that maybe you could join at some point.

Astarion: ...

Iseult: My response exactly.

Astarion: You are welcome to have as much fun as you want. I appreciate you talking to me before anything happens. But I...

Iseult: *tilting her head back to make eye contact* I told him no.

Astarion: *carefully* For me?

Iseult: For me. I don't speak for you unless you want me to Astarion. I didn't bring you into the conversation except to tell him I already had a...a... *she falters and gestures with her hands even though Astarion's eyes don't leave hers*

Astarion: Thank you.

Iseult: *smiles softly and looks back down, once again baring her neck* You're welcome.

Astarion: *starts to drink again and then pulls off suddenly* This isn't because I...I mean this isn't because we...haven't in a while...

Iseult: *turns fully around and looks at him with a pleading expression* No! No, nothing like that. Please don't think that.

Astarion: If it was...you can defina- *he's cut short as she interrupts*

Iseult: No.

Astarion: *posture relaxes a little*

Iseult: You still hungry? Or do you want to split a bottle with me? *she smiles*

Astarion: I...I'm still hungry.

Iseult: *relaxes back into their original posture*

Astarion: *gently reopens the bite*

Iseult: *yawns* I'm going to fall asleep.

Astarion: *pulls off* I know. *starts drinking again*

#bg3 #bg3 scene rewrites #astarion #astarion x tav #astarion romance #astarion x iseult #tav #iseult #halsin #halsin where did this come from #that exclamation mark is trouble #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 fic #bg3 thoughts #vampire #emperor is just there

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archiveofrasa · 5 months

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i see a lot of criticism about the friendships between the babel characters and how we were told a lot of things about their positive dynamic, yet shown barely any of it (but are instead mostly presented with the negative aspects). i don’t know if other people clocked this but i feel like it was intentional

rf kuang was commenting on friendships made through trauma-bonding: they were doomed from the start

tldr; the characterisation is (one of) the subtly(ies) people were looking for in the colonial theme. they criticise the latter but i love the fact colonialism is more of an upfront theme because lord knows i am tired of it being subtle so people can ignore it

robin says from the very beginning after they formed their little friend group:

“why had they been so quick, so carelessly eager to trust one another? why had they refused to see the myriad of ways they could hurt each other? why had they not paused to interrogate their differences in birth, in raising, that meant they were not and could never be on the same side?”

the next small paragraph goes into a raft metaphor about how they saw themselves in each other and that’s why they stuck together. they shared one thing they could not ignore – their otherness. their friendship was purely built on the fact they were discriminated against and that they had to spent the next 4 years with each other. their first pleasant conversation is them discussing how they were treated at oxford. of course, the characters didn’t see this because they had never really befriended people their age before. this feeling of belonging felt like love to them (considering their upbringings, ramy’s i will discuss in a bit)

it makes perfect sense why robin would repeatedly imply that they loved and cared about each other. in his eyes, they did. what was it they had if not love? robin, who has ignored so many problems in the past before babel as he knew it would cause him issues, wouldn’t address their friendship dynamic or how strong the arguments and animosity were. he, an abused child, would rather have this than nothing at all

in actuality (demonstrated, i think, through the photograph they took at the end of chapter 9), they were together because of academia’s and discrimination’s forced proximity. robin feels specific emotions about them that feel strong to him because he’s never experienced it before, but that doesn’t mean they are strong enough to keep them together, which is why when they see the photo, they feel weird about it because why isn’t it portraying their dynamic ‘correctly’?

it’s true that perhaps to get robin’s perspective across, it would’ve been good to see the positive aspects more but i think that would’ve made it harder for us to see how weak their friendship was. people wanted more positive to show that they loved each other, which isn’t the point rf kuang is trying to make

rf kuang chooses to show the negative aspects more because they show where their friendship will end up. when letty did what she did, i didn’t see it as a plot twist, i saw it as an inevitability. this was going to happen. honestly, i feel this with most of the ‘plot twists’ of babel except the end of book iii (i really didn’t see that coming). it was easy for letty to do what she does in book iv because their friendship had such unstable foundations. when they no longer benefitted her, she turned her back on them

the only dynamic i feel was actually strong was robin and ramy. i’m not just saying this because i think they’re queer lol. they were close not just because they were both men of colour and had similar upbringings – they actually liked each other. they admired each other and adored each other’s personalities, they bounced off each other and knew what the other meant when they spoke. when they argued, it was over something that actually considered each other’s beliefs and goals and desires, not over their differences.

(unlike letty and ramy, letty and victoire and maybe even robin and victoire, though i think they lean more to ramy/robin than they do to letty/anyone lol. ramy and victoire have a dynamic that i personally feel like robin didn’t really see because ramy understood victoire in a way robin couldn’t. you kind of see it when robin is the one who letty complains about ramy/victoire to, but that’s it i think?)

speaking of ramy, linking it back to their perspectives of love, it makes a lot of sense why he caused the most disruption in the friend group. he’s the only one with an actual family that he stays in touch with. he knows what love feels like. so of course he’s the one that is strongly anti-empire, compared to robin and victoire who have been emotionally manipulated in their childhood by said empire, the one who argues with letty the most. he still feels what robin and victoire feel, of course, but to a lesser extent

honestly i don’t know how to end this analysis, i just think rf kuang is a genius lmao but i may add more onto this as i continue to reread the book we shall see

#the way my most recent posts are abt babel i'm so sorry #i have hyperfocused on this book so hard #and bc my friends are still reading it i can't spoil it for them #i know sappho might read this and if he does...🔫#babel r f kuang #babel an arcane history #babel or the necessity of violence #robin swift #ramiz rafi mirza #letitia price #victoire desgraves

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littlethingsinlife · 1 year

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i'm sorry (happier part 2)

A/N: I was not expecting the amount of positive feedback for the first part and I was even more surprised to see people asking for a part 2! It was originally created to be a one-shot but a part 2 really fit well with how the first one ended. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you again for all of the love and support! I hope you all enjoy. I also want to thank my friend, @tummymoth, they really helped me flush out and refine my rusty ass writing (also let me word vomit at them till midnight sometimes).

Pairing(s): Past Lo’ak x Omatikayan!Reader, Ao’nung x Omatikayan!Reader, Slight mentions of Lo’ak x Tsireya

Warnings: Lo'ak's POV, Swearing, Ao'nung saying something sus ONE time

More Info: My vision for this part 2 was to create a reply in Lo'ak's pov. So we'll have a look at what he experienced and thought process (not too sure if any of that made sense) but I was inspired by Joshua Bassett's song "i'm sorry" and it played constantly as I wrote this. Hopefully I was able to do right by my idea haha.

Summary: 7,547

Part 1: Happier

Key:

(Y/N) = Your Name

Lyrics = Bolded Italics

Flashbacks = Italics

Na'vi Words:

Yuey - beautiful (refers to a person)

Skxawng - idiot/moron

Marui - Pods where the Na’vi live

Ilu - sea creature similar to dolphins

Ikran - dragon-like creature

Tulkun - sentient creatures similar to whales

Olo’eyktan - clan leader/ chief

I thought about what I would say

But I’m two years too late

I can’t imagine how you’re doing these days, hmm

Sure, it wasn’t perfect back then

I’ll be first to admit

But it was better than being strangers again, oh

It had been a couple of months since my interactions with (Y/N) dwindled to terse smiles and barely audible greetings. If you asked me to point out the moment our friendship started to change, I couldn’t tell you. When did our bond start to break? When did it even start to crack? We used to talk every day about all the things we did and planned what pranks to pull on everyone, but now? Now, she barely looked in my direction. Now, she wouldn’t even give me the time of day.

I couldn’t remember when it started, but I knew that it was somehow my fault I grew distant once we arrived in Awa'atlu. I guess I was just so fascinated by the new environment and people, I didn’t even realize a rift started to form between us in the first place, much less that it started to grow.

The night before we left to find a new home, I held (Y/N) as she let out sobs filled with fear and anxiety. It broke my heart, but all I could do was hold her and let her cry until she was calm enough to tell me what was on her mind.

“I-I am afraid, what if the sky people come to find us again? I cannot lose any of you; it would break me into a million pieces,” she sobbed.

“If they find us then we will fight and we will win,” I reassured her, gently rocking her back and forth.

“You are an idiot, I was so close to losing you, to losing Kiri, Tuk, how do you think it would make me feel to lose the most important people in my life?” she sniffled. My chest ached at how broken she sounded, but the only thing I could do was assure her and offer her more words of comfort as I held her in my arms.

“I promise that I will be with you throughout the journey as will my family. We love you, and even if you do not believe it, you are a Sully. And you know what my dad always says.”

“Sullys stick together,” we chorused.

That night, I cradled her in my arms until she fell asleep.

Fuck, I completely broke my promise to her, how could I forget? Shaking my head, I tried to reason to myself, “Maybe she just needs time alone. I’m sure she’ll come running back soon once she realizes that it's no fun without me, her best friend.” I felt a small, unfamiliar feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Right?”

I’m drunk too late talking to the moon

Writing songs I can’t sing to you, ‘cause

“Bah! Stop lying, I know you (Y/N). You would have fought alongside me and defended Kiri. You are not the same girl I knew in the forest back home,” I muttered, rolling my eyes and getting up to leave. Honestly, who did she think she was fooling? The skxawng had the balls to insult Kiri, and all she did was sit back and watch. She didn’t even make a move to help until it was to help him by pulling me off. “Talk to me when you’ve come back to your senses,” I called over my shoulder, refusing to look back.

“Lo’ak! Bro—” a hand roughly grabbed my shoulder, jolting me out of my daze, “why’re you just staring off like that?” I whipped my head to see who the hell it was that was bothering me, only to be met with Neteyam.

“Did you have to grab me that hard?” I hissed before my initial anger gave way to a heavy feeling. “It's nothing, just—just lost in thought” I sighed, shrugging his hand off my shoulder.

“Right, sure, nothing.” he crouched down beside me. “Don’t think you can lie to me lil bro, you’ve been spacing out more than you usually do. I didn’t even think it was possible to be more empty-headed than you already are,” he stated.

“Wha—no I haven’t,” I tried to argue, but of course, he wasn’t convinced.

“Can you stop arguing with me for once and just tell me what’s going on with you, you skxawng?”

I scrunched my nose in distaste and inhaled sharply, “(Y/N) and I have been… distant,” I admitted, turning to look at him. “She won’t even look at me. She either only answers me with one word or doesn’t answer at all.”

He nodded, motioning for me to continue.

“I—the last time we talked, I said things I didn’t mean. Things that just came out because I was so frustrated and… and angry. It was the heat of the moment and I—”

“What did you say skxawng, did you hurt her?” Neteyam interrupted, face twisting to show the beginnings of distaste.

“No, no—” I sputtered and raised my hands to calm him before he could go on an hour-long lecture that I absolutely was not in the mood to hear. “At least I don’t think I did… I just wanted to ask her why the hell she was helping fish lips, that’s all—”

“You didn’t answer me Lo’ak, what did you say to (Y/N)? I don’t care why you did it, I want to know what you said to elicit such a reaction from her.” By Eywa, if he would just give me a chance to get to the point—

“I—I told her that she was not the same girl that I knew back in the forest..." my ears lowered as the weight of what I said slowly sunk in. “And that she could talk to me once she came back to her senses,” I whispered, internally cringing at my harsh words..

“You fucking skxawng—”

“Can you stop calling me that? I already know, you don’t need to keep repeating it…” I scoffed, looking out into the ocean. I’m good enough at beating myself up over the hundreds of times I’ve messed up in this lifetime, I didn’t need another disappointed set of eyes on me.

My ears twitched at the deep sigh he let out. “Look, I’m sorry that I keep calling you skxawng but that is exactly what you are for saying something so hurtful to your best friend of all people. The two of you were inseparable the moment you were born. Even if you don’t want to, suck up your dumbass pride,” my ears flattened again. It wasn’t pride, I’m not prideful. It—it was me needing (Y/N) on my side. We used to always be on the same page, and when she said I was wrong for wanting to defend Kiri against those assholes, it felt like she was siding with them instead of me, and—

Okay, so maybe it was pride.

“Admit that you were wrong, and go talk to (Y/N),” Neteyam insisted as he put a reassuring arm around my shoulders, jostling me around to prove a point. “Your friendship is so much stronger and Eywa knows that a heat-of-the-moment argument isn’t going to break that. You should have more faith in her.” His gaze sharpened before he schooled his expression into something calmer. “Just talk to her, yeah?”

“...Yeah,” I mumbled, swallowing down whatever argument was trying to bubble up from my throat and prying his arm off me. “You’re right. I’ll just clear things up with her and apologize. Everything will go back to normal after that, thanks bro—for listening,” I agreed.

Ever since that day

The things I didn’t say They haunt me, oh

And I know that I’m to blame

So, go ahead and

Blame it on me, oh

Our lessons on the ways of the Metkayina were finished, so it was rare for the entire group to be in the same place. But every once in a while, we all finished our chores at the same time and found ourselves near the shore where we first learned to ride the ilu, and sat around a fire hours before eclipse, laughing and exchanging stories.

The rarity of these moments made me cherish them that much more, but two people continued to miss our not-so-scheduled gatherings the past two moon cycles. How was it possible that they were the only two to keep missing our hangouts? Were they together? Fish lips had better not be doing anything to (Y/N) or so hel—

“(Y/N)! Ao’nung! You guys made it!” Rotxo laughed.

“Yeah, yeah, quit shouting will you?” Ao’nung shot back as he sat down next to Rotxo, (Y/N) smiling softly as she followed.

“So, what’ve you guys been up to? We haven’t seen you in what feels like ten moon cycles.” Neteyam questioned.

“Teyam, you saw me earlier today, you literally helped me feed our ikran,” (Y/N) joked. ‘Teyam? When did she start calling him by anything other than his given name?

Ao’nung swatted her side with his stupidly wide tail and swung an arm around her shoulder with a remarkably punchable smile on his face “More like he was trying to make sure you didn’t accidentally give them your fingers for breakfast. They would’ve gotten indigestion.”

“Haha very funny Ao’nung,” she drawled, “I would’ve fed you to Tekay instead, but she would’ve gagged the moment she caught a whiff of you,” she scoffed as she quickly pushed him away by the chest.

“Wait… Do they even have a gag reflex?” Fish lips didn’t budge, he just had a dumb look of confusion on his face.

“No, but they would defy the laws of biology to gag just for you,” she quipped, sticking out her tongue and moving to push him away again, but the skxawng had the nerve to pull her into a headlock.

“Oh, yuey, the ikran won’t be the only ones gagging on me tonight,” he argued with a smirk.

Did I want to punch that smirk off his face? Did I want to gag? Both? Before I could make a decision, (Y/N) grimaced, pushing him away again and smacking him upside the head.

“That’s actually repulsive. You’re disgusting.”

“Dude, keep it in your pants, her family is right there,” Rotxo laughed, doubled over as he struggled to catch his breath.

“Yeah, we’re right here,” I interjected with a smile—wanting to join in on the jokes that were being thrown around—but it was hard to keep my face from falling when I saw (Y/N)’s bright expression falter.

“Anyway, what were you guys talking about before Ao’nung and I arrived?” she asked in a too-bright tone of voice she only used when she desperately wanted to change the subject. As if everyone came to an unspoken agreement to forget about the conversation before, one by one they all started talking about who they thought would win in a fight—Toruk Makto, or our Olo’eyktan, Tonowari.

The sound of laughter and excited chatter faded as I replayed the previous conversation in my head. When did they start joking around like that? Why the hell did fish lips call her yuey like it was the most natural thing in the world? How come she smiled so easily with him but faltered when she sees me? She was probably smiling with him right now—

I looked over at her, a pit in my stomach already forming at the idea of her smiling at him, but she looked so distant, so withdrawn from everything around her. Before I could even blink, she put a delicate hand on Ao’nung’s arm to grab his attention and mumbled something in a hushed tone. After a few beats of silent conversation, Ao’nung nodded and gave her a look of understanding.

Why did he look at her like that? How much time did they spend together to be able to understand each other with just a look? How much time have I wasted breaking my promise to her while she grew closer to someone else?

Standing up, I made up my mind that I would talk to her and clear up any miscommunication. There was no way in hell I was about to let fish lips ruin our childhood friendship. Before I could even get close, Neteyam pulled me aside.

“Bro, why’re you glaring at everyone?” he asked with concern written all over his face.

“Glaring?” I tilted my head in confusion. “I’m not glaring, this is just my face.”

“No, no.” He shook his head. “I’m your brother, I know your face. Whatever look you’ve been throwing at Ao’nung and (Y/N)? You may as well have been throwing knives at them.”

Behind Neteyam, I could see (Y/N) get up to bid everyone good night and slowly walk in our direction. This was my chance, I just needed this overbearing idiot to leave me alone.

“Whatever look you think I’m giving to them, you’re wrong,” I denied. “Can you not act like this right now?” My tail flicked side to side impatiently, an obvious twinge of annoyance clear in my tone. I licked my lips nervously as I could hear footsteps coming closer. Leaning slightly to the side, I looked behind Neteyam to see (Y/N) and—

Ao’nung? What? Why is he there?

“Good night,” (Y/N) muttered, not sparing us a glance as she walked past. I followed her every move and—as if everything slowed down—my eyes narrowed as they found Ao’nung’s hand placed on her lower back, leading her gently in the direction of the marui.

I know that I’m too late

But I’ll say it anyway

I’m sorry

Though it's far too late

“I did it! Did you see that Reya?” I shouted—out of breath—as I showed off the shell Tsireya threw.

“Yes, yes you did it!” She exclaimed, excitedly wrapping her hand around mine. For someone who spent so much time underwater, her hand radiated so much warmth. So easy to hold. My heart swelled with pride as she continued to compliment me. “You’ve improved so much!”

“Yeah? Well, I had a great teacher,” I joked, nudging her softly with my shoulder. It wasn’t just her hands that were warm either, she just seemed to radiate it.

“Oh stop, you flatter me too much,” she denied, fidgeting with her hair. Was that a blush on her face? “C’mon, why don’t we catch up with the others? Private lessons are officially done for the day,” she announced as she led me to shore. Oh Eywa, she looked so pretty like this, with her hair flowing down her back and the way her eyes cast down when she became flustered. And her smile, it was a smile that could knock the air out of my lungs.

While we walked onto shore, we joked around and laughed with each other, talking about anything and everything. The ease of each reply and joke came as smoothly as gliding through the water on an ilu—as easy as breathing. Laughing at another one of Tsireya’s jokes, my eyes scanned the village as we approached it. Families were winding down for the day as they cooked dinner, although I didn’t see mine anywhere nearby aside from Kiri.

My smile slowly dropped when I was able to make out Kiri looking frantically around as if she was searching for someone. Tsireya and I made our way to her, worry filling the pit in my stomach. As we got closer, I could see Ao’nung climb down one of the roots of the Mangrove trees and make a beeline toward her. My eyes stayed on both of them, making sure that fish lips didn’t do anything to Kiri.

Ears twitching I was able to make out the words, “(Y/N)? Did you find her? ” from Kiri as they were carried on the wind toward us.

“Yeah I did, I was able to get her to eat, but she’s not looking too good,” Ao’nung replied with concern lacing his voice.

Brows furrowing, I pulled Ao’nung by the shoulder. “What do you mean she’s not looking good? Where is she? What did you do?”

“What the hell do you mean? I didn’t do shit, freak.” I rolled my eyes at the insult. He couldn’t use that thick head of his to think of anything else to call me? From the pained look on his face, I could tell that my grip on his shoulder had too much pressure. Good. Served him right.

Before Ao’nung and I could continue our argument Kiri groaned, “Will the both of you skxawng shut up! I’ll go talk to her.” My eyes followed her retreating form as she went to talk to (Y/N)—tail lashing back and forth in agitation all the while—before turning back to Ao’nung.

Who the hell did he think he was? I’d beat his skxawng ass if he hurt (Y/N) in any way. He had no right to look so damn worried. They weren’t even close. What even happened? How long had she been missing for Kiri to go to fish lips of all people for help? Should I follow Kiri? Why didn’t (Y/N) come to me? She always came to me, and if she came to me now, I absolutely would have listened. Why—

“Lo’ak? Hey, are you okay? Lo’ak?” a hand softly placed itself on my arm. Closing my eyes in frustration, I sighed.

“Yeah, perfectly fine.”

Damn it, was that when it started? How idiotic and blind have I been that I didn’t even notice that her trust in me started to slip and die when it was right in front of me? Why didn’t I go to her and make sure she was okay? I should’ve punched that idiot’s lights out—

“Ao’nung! Stop pulling me you skxawng, you’re walking too fast, slow down!” a hushed voice chastised.

“C’mon yuey, we only have about an hour before eclipse, we have to hurry!” His voice grated against my ears as he responded.

“That’s plenty of time!” (Y/N) insisted. I could hear the laughter bubbling up in her voice as she chased after him. “Please Ao’nung slow down, I can’t keep up.”

“It can’t be helped, you’re so short—” a whack could be heard. “Ow!”

“I’m as tall as Tsireya, you giant!”

“Both you and my sister are short—Ow! Alright, just because you did that, you leave me no choice,” Ao’nung said, throwing (Y/N) over his shoulder with a laugh.

The bickering voices got closer, and my eyes narrowed at the way he held her. My breath hitched as he whispered something in her ear that made her ears perk up and her eyes widen. What the hell was he saying to her? Before I could spring up from my spot, Ao’nung tossed (Y/N) in the water, her yelp quickly interrupted by the sound of her body hitting the water.

I stayed in my spot as shock zipped through my body. Letting out a breath I didn’t know I held, her head popped out of the water, a playful glare on her face.

“I told you, you left me no choice,” he stated, guffawing at her expression.

“Oh yeah?” she groused, spitting out seawater as she wrung out her hair. “Well fuck you too. Help me out of here?”

“Only if you say the magic word,” he taunted, crossing his arms with a smirk. “Otherwise, I’m afraid my hands are tied.”

“Please, oh great son of our Olo’eyktan, help me out of the ocean,” she beckoned dramatically, sarcasm dripping from every word while she rolled her eyes. “It’s about time you recognized my proud lineage, forest dweller,” he said as his chest puffed out with a hand reaching towards (Y/N). And there was that stupid smile on his face.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, a mischievous smile spreading across her face as she reached for his hand, making sure to tug with enough force to unceremoniously yank him into the water.

“So much for the son of a great warrior! Your instincts are shit!”

“My instincts are dull you say?” he questioned as his head popped up next to her. “We’ll see about that!”

“Wha—AHHH—'' she wheezed. “No, please Ao’nung stop! That tickles!” Her arms flailed wildly in an attempt to free herself from his grasp.

What the fuck.

My ears flattened at an angle as I tried to process the scene unfolding before me. When did she start laughing with him? That should’ve been me she was laughing with. Not him, not the skxawng who had been nothing but rude to us since we arrived. What… what was I even saying—Fuck I didn’t know anymore. Why did I feel like this every time I saw them together… laughing and making jokes like we used to?

And it was me, it wasn’t you

It’s cliche, but it’s true

I wasn’t thinking how I usually do, oh

And is your momma doing well?

Or does she still hate me?

But it was hard to watch me put you through hell

I’m drunk, too late, talking to the moon, ooh

Writing songs I can’t sing to you, ‘cause

Two weeks had passed since I started noticing the changes in (Y/N)’s relationship—friendship?—with Ao’nung. It was like every time I blinked, I could see her laughing loudly as Ao’nung tickled her with a triumphant smile on his stupid face. Since that day, I had been trying to find a way to talk to (Y/N), but she was never alone. She was always with him and when she wasn’t, she disappeared and I couldn’t find her no matter how hard I looked.

Now here I was, wandering around trying to look for her as I rehearsed what I wanted to tell her.

Where could she be? Dinner was in an hour and she wasn’t anywhere near our marui. I had to find her soon so there would be enough time for us to talk. I had to tell her that I miss her, that I was sorry for being so dumb, that I shouldn’t have let my pride blind me, and that I didn’t mean any of the things I said.

There was only one place I hadn’t looked yet… hopefully she was there.

As I was getting closer to the root Kiri stalked to, I could see two silhouettes beside each other. An all-too-familiar feeling bloomed in my chest once I registered that she was there with him.

Her melodic laughter made my steps falter. I clenched my fists tightly, contemplating if I should go over there and pull her away, force her to talk to me, to listen. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t do that to her, not when she looked so content, so happy.

Ever since that day

The things I didn’t say

They haunt me, oh

I know that I’m to blame

So, go ahead and

Blame it on me, oh

“Lo’ak? You said you were going to look for (Y/N) and never came back. She’s already in the marui helping mom cook,” Kiri stated, a twinge of annoyance lacing her voice. “Hey, are you listening?” She shook my arm slightly, making me jump out of my stupor.

“Yeah, sorry, you said dinner was ready?” I asked as I stared off.

The sand beside me crunched softly as Kiri made a move to sit beside me. “No, I said that (Y/N) is with mom helping her cook. Where is your head at?” she asked as she tilted her head to try and meet my gaze. “Are you alright?” The annoyance in her voice shifted to concern.

“I’m fine, yep—just… fine,” I brushed her off, hoisting myself up to head towards Mom and Dad for dinner before Kiri yanked me back down.

“Lo’ak, don’t pretend you’re okay when you’re not. Tell me what’s going on,” she urged. “Maybe I can help you with whatever it is that’s occupied your mind lately.”

I inhaled sharply, debating if I should tell her what had been muddying my mind, the reason why I had been so spaced out, why I had been glaring daggers at fish lips each time I saw his stupid face next to (Y/N)—how confused I was.

“Stop with the thinking skxawng, you might hurt yourself,” she admonished. “Just tell me. It’s not like I can’t handle it.”

Huffing, I rolled my eyes and turned away from her to look at the sea. I hadn't even said anything yet and Kiri was already making me feel idiotic. How was I supposed to tell her what's been going on like this? Maybe if I kept quiet for long enough, she would get tired of waiting for me to start talking and go on to eat dinner without me.

A couple of minutes of silence passed.

I could still feel her staring at me.

“I’ve—I’ve been conflicted,” I started, tongue feeling heavy in my mouth as I continued to stare at the shoreline. “I don’t know what I’m feeling.”

“What do you mean?” Kiri nudged my shoulder with hers. “Elaborate a little more, I can’t help if you don’t tell me the reason why you’re feeling confused.”

“...Whenever I see (Y/N) with Ao’nung, it’s as if I can feel my heart aching,” I said, motioning toward my chest to prove my point. “There’s always a… a surge of anger that rushes through me. All I want to do is pull her away from him so then everything can go back to the way things used to be—for us to be okay.”

“Lo’ak…” If I was looking at her, I’d probably see Kiri tilt her head with sympathy. But sympathy isn’t what I needed right now.

“I want her to look at me and smile, to laugh with me, hug me—but now, whenever I get close to her, she’s next to him, laughing with him, cracking the jokes we would make to each other… I just—” I rubbed at my face in frustration. It wasn’t as if the words were hard to come by—I had spent so much time bottling them up that it was hard to stop talking. No, I just hated the fact that I felt this way in the first place. “I don’t understand why seeing them makes me feel like my heart is about to explode—why it makes me want to scream. It hurts.”

“Lo’ak” she put a hand on my shoulder. “Are you—are you in love with (Y/N)?”

Love?

I sputtered in surprise and whipped my head toward Kiri to see if she was joking or not. What kind of a sick question was that? I wasn’t in the mood for any games.

“What? No, she’s like my… sister?”

She rolled her eyes and sighed. “If you’re not, then why does seeing her with Ao’nung hurt you so much? Why do you care as much as you do?”

“I shouldn’t!” I wrenched my shoulder away from her hand and stood up. The need to move around and do something—anything—was too much. There was too much energy thrumming right beneath my skin to sit still anymore.

“That’s the problem! After everything I said to her, done to her? I don’t have the right to say I’m in love with her. She’s my childhood friend, Kiri. That’s all our relationship has ever been… I just—” I paused in thought and tried to calm down. “I didn’t realize seeing her have so much fun with someone else would make me feel so, so hollow—”

“Let me ask you something, you have to promise to be completely honest with me, okay?”

I nodded, not even looking in her direction.

“When (Y/N) tried to pull you off from Ao’nung that one fight months ago, what did you feel? Angry? Betrayed? Jealous?”

Jealous? Did she really think I was sulking for months because of such a petty feeling? I’m not a jealous person. I never have been.

“Seeing her jump in to get me off him made me feel like she was siding with him and telling me that I was wrong. Her actions were clear as day to me, Kiri.” I started to pace around. “She was protecting him—caring for him when she should’ve been next to me, helping and supporting me. When she did that—I felt like the only person that’s ever been on my side—” I croaked and turned my head to look at Kiri as tears stung my eyes “The only person who didn’t see everything I did as some sort of disappointment or failure, abandoned me and chose someone else.”

“...”

“I know that I could’ve approached her a different way but how could I when I felt so broken?” I inhaled sharply, eyebrows furrowed. “ It’s all fish lips’ fault. If he wasn’t such an asshole, none of this would have happened, and (Y/N) and I would still be the same, she would still be by my side—supporting me, loving me.”

“Why do you keep blaming it on Ao’nung?”

“Because it is his fault that things have turned out the way it has.” I threw my hands up, exasperated. What wasn’t Kiri getting? “He’s getting in between my relationship—er—friendship with (Y/N)! If he wasn’t there I would be able to talk to her and tell her I’m sorry, but she’s always with him—”

“Stop! Are you hearing yourself?” She nudged at my foot to interrupt and scoffed. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? (Y/N) told me what you said to her, how ‘she wasn’t the same girl’ you knew back in the forest. Do you know what happened when you told her that? Do you know how much pain she was in?”

Pain? I snorted, turning towards Kiri. “Now I know what you’re saying is bullshit. You know how (Y/N) is—if she really was pissed at me she would’ve come to me instead of running to someone else.”

“She wasn’t pissed. She cried because of you, Lo’ak. Because of what you said.” I stopped dead in my tracks to look at her. Kiri's eyes didn’t waver. Another heavy feeling settled on my chest and clawed its way up my throat. If you had asked me what it was, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. Was I sad? Guilty? Angry? Was I jealous like she said?

I settled on anger.

“If you’re saying what I think you’re saying—”

“The person that found her that night, the one who comforted her? That was Ao’nung. He held her in his arms as she sobbed when I found them.” She stood up too, forcing me to stop pacing.

“The last thing I want to hear about right now is him, Kiri. What the fuck—”

“Did you ever think about why she’s so comfortable with him now? Why they’re so close? While you ignored her for weeks, he made sure she was okay—made sure she ate every day. He didn’t leave her side until she finished,” Kiri pointed out, and before I could even think to open my mouth to remind her how shitty he was to her especially, she cut me off. “Yes, he was an asshole at the beginning, and yes he has a screwed-up way to show he cares, but he stepped up when you fucked up.” She poked my chest with a glare before she continued.

“Oh, so I’m a fuck-up now?” I asked wryly.

“You can’t put all the blame on someone that took care of your best friend. Stop being so blinded by your pride and hatred and see that you’re the real reason why your relationship with (Y/N) isn’t the same as it used to be.”

My heart sank a little more as I scrambled for something to say. “How could you say that—”

“No, you do not get to interrupt me right now, Lo’ak.” Her eyes flashed with something closer to anger than annoyance. When was the last time I saw her angry? “Listen and listen well. When we couldn’t find (Y/N) and we were looking for her everywhere—he was the one that found her spot, the one she isolated herself to so she could cry alone, and no one would see how much pain she was in. And what were you doing in the meantime?”

My ears flattened at her rising tone, and I was finally beginning to understand the weight stuck in my throat and chest. Not anger, not even jealousy.

“You were out there with Tsireya, stuck in your own little world.”

It was my fault.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy that you found her but you can’t have both of them. You can’t be that selfish. From (Y/N)’s perspective, you’ve already chosen the one you want.”

“It’s not like I’ve actually chosen anyone yet,” I tried to interject, but all the fight had left my voice as Kiri’s words dug into my skin and sunk in.

“Don’t you dare play with either of their feelings. (Y/N) held so much love for you in her heart, she allowed herself to break to the point of no repair because she didn’t want to show you how much it hurt her to see you at your happiest with Tsireya.” She paused before continuing, her voice losing its edge. “Let her move on, brother. And if it’s Ao’nung that makes her light up the way she used to, then you suck it up and let him. He was there when your pride wouldn’t even let you apologize or even look in her direction. Actually think about how she feels for once.”

I hated the fact that there wasn’t anything I could say to prove her wrong.

“It’s all I’ve been thinking about nowadays,” I muttered.

I know that I’m too late

But I’ll say it anyway

I’m sorry

I’m sorry, hmm

I’m sorry

Though it’s far too late

“I thought I was already doing that,” a faint voice huffed in annoyance. Turning the corner, I saw Ao’nung and (Y/N) standing on the beach together— far too close for my liking.

“You were, but you got sloppy. Here, you have to move your hips like this,” he said as he corrected her posture. My ears flattened against my head as he put a hand on her hip and gently directed her movement.

Why did he look so gentle with her?

“Ao’nung,” (Y/N)’s voice rang out, clear as crystal despite her uncertain tone. “Are you sure you should be teaching me this? This is a traditional Metkayina dance, right? I’m…” she hesitated, her voice becoming smaller. “I’m not Metkayina—”

“Yet.” He interrupted, holding her face in his hands. “You are not Metkayina yet. Once you become one of us, you will have to learn the dance to celebrate the return of our spirit brothers and sisters, so why not learn that now?” I hated how reassuring his voice was. The thought of how either of their eyes looked as they held contact made my stomach turn.

“Yeah… you’re right,” she mumbled with an unsure look on her face.

“Woah, hey pretty girl, look at me,” he insisted, laying his hands on her shoulders and bending his neck so they were at eye level. “I’m serious when I say you will become Metkayina one day, so don’t worry yourself over it right now. Okay?” Ao’nung tilted his head to the side, an unbelievably soft expression on his face. “You have me here to help you.”

“Alright…” (Y/N) mumbled, not convinced.

“If you don’t get rid of that look on your face I’ll throw you into the water,” he said as his face shifted from sincerity to something mischievous. “Or worse… I’ll tickle you,” he threatened.

“You better not Ao’nung, or I swear to the Great Mother herself I will hu—AHH—get away, you skxawng!'' She laughed as she tried to run away, but Ao’nung grabbed hold of her waist and pulled her into his arms. And despite her words of protest, it was clear as day that she was leaning into him while they scuffled on the sand.

“No!” she shrieked with glee. “You can’t make me go in there again!”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that, forest dweller!”

A thought occurred. Should I go up to them? We never got the chance to talk, after all. I took a few steps in their direction before freezing. When was the last time I heard her laugh like that? She had the biggest smile on her face, and the one who made that happen wasn’t me—it was him.

And if you ever hear this

I hope you know that

I’m not proud of who I’ve been, ooh

And if I see you again

I hope you know that

I wish you nothing but the best

And my biggest regret

The afternoon was quiet, relative silence only interrupted by the crashing of waves. Without much to do, I just sat in our marui and lazed around with Tuk until a horn blew.

“The tulkun have returned! Everybody—our brothers and sisters have returned!” Tsireya’s voice rang out, and when I poked my head out to see what the fuss was about, I saw the megawatt smile on her face, as she swam by on her ilu.

The village came to life as everyone mounted either ilu or canoe to make their way to the tulkun. From here, I could see little more than a large group of dark shapes making their way through the water. Payakan himself was dauntingly huge, but to see a whole pod of them show up like this? It was spectacular. I watched the commotion unfold from one of the walkways, lost in thought before I felt water splashing at my feet.

“Come on Lo’ak! Don’t just stand there, let’s go see the tulkun together!” Tsireya urged, still smiling. Shaken out of my stupor, I grinned widely—diving into the water and clambering onto her ilu. lu may be lithe animals, but I could still feel sinuous muscle under velvety skin as it made adjustments in the water to keep balance.

“I’ll come, but only if you’re offering a ride,” I joked, gently holding her waist and playfully leaning onto her. The cool water around us made her skin feel that much warmer. It was nice.

Before I could see her reaction—I would’ve bet anything at that moment that her cheeks had become flushed—we began to quickly make our way toward the rest of the clan and the giant tulkun.

The air around me vibrated with the excitement and happiness of loved ones returning, and Tsireya was no exception—the speed of the ilu gave away her eagerness to be with her spirit sister. As we leaped into and out of the water, Tsireya’s laughter was carried by the wind and reached my ears. That, and the answering whoops and bellows of Metkayina and tulkun alike, was almost contagious enough to get carried away by the energy surrounding us.

“My spirit sister is down there,” she said as she dismounted, sliding off her ilu and into the water. “Wait here, yeah?” she smiled at me before diving down.

I was more than happy to watch the Na’vi around me. Looking around, I was in awe of the sheer amount of tulkun gathered in one area, and how each Metkayina was able to identify their spirit sisters or brothers so easily. Looking down into the shifting waters, I saw Tsireya catching up with her spirit sister, waving her hands around and swimming through the water alongside her.

All around, I could hear people telling stories and the deep, booming calls of the tulkun as they responded with tales of their own. New parents were showing their babies and calves, and as my eyes scanned the horizon, I could see small children holding onto the tulkun’s fins as they were lifted to the glittering ocean surface.

Not too far away, I heard the sound of a body hitting the water and the sound of grating, but familiar laughter along with an indignant (Y/N) sputtering.

“Ao’nung, what the fu—”

“Hey, hey, relax! It’s just some water. There are children here, yuey,” Ao’nung chided with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“The parents of those children are going to have to explain what it means to return to Eywa once I’m through with you,” she retorted, treading water and becoming even more unamused when he raised his hands in mock surrender.

“Woah there pretty girl, you’re talking to the son of the mightiest warrior in all of Pandora—”

“That’s funny, I don’t see Neteyam here,” she interjected, pretending to search the waters around them before turning back to Ao’nung and tilting her head, “do you?”

“Just because you said that you can have fun finding your own way back to shore,” he said as he turned his ilu around.

“Oh, c’mon Ao’nung, don’t be like that,” she rolled her eyes and reached a hand towards him. “You’d really leave me here to fend for myself?”

He turned and wagged a disapproving finger at her, “I’ll consider forgiving you if you say word-for-word that I’m the son of the mightiest warrior in all of Pandora. I can’t have you slandering my father’s name, yuey.” She groaned and leaned back into the water.

“You couldn’t pay me enough to say that load of bull—”

“Nope!” he didn’t give her a chance to defile the ears of any nearby children and crossed his arms. “I wanna hear you say it.”

“...”

“I’m still waiting.”

With a sardonic smile, she finally caved. “Why don’t I do you one better? You’re the mightiest warrior to exist since the time of the First Songs,” she declared, sarcasm dripping from every word as she slapped at the water for emphasis.

“That’s what I thought, was that so hard?” Even if I wasn’t able to see them, I still would have been able to hear the stupidly wide smile that made its way across his face.

“Don’t be such a big baby and let me meet your spirit brother!”

“Just because he’s here to visit today, I’ll let that one slide for now.” Ao’nung rolled his eyes, dismounting his ilu to join (Y/N). “Now hold on tight and hold your breath like how we practiced.”

We? Who the fuck was we? Why was he allowing her to meet his spirit brother? Why were they looking at each other like that?

I watched both of their silhouettes submerge and breathed deeply, forcing my thundering heart to calm as I slowly sank my head into the water. At first, all I could see were blobs floating around in the water, but once my eyes adjusted, I could see the fluid movement of Ao’nung talking to his spirit brother. Eyebrows furrowing, I swam a little closer and hoped that I would be able to see what was being signed. With each movement made, it was clear that Ao’nung was translating the clicks and bellows of the tulkun to (Y/N), and whatever was being said made her smile widen by the second.

I couldn’t watch anymore as my chest burned from the lack of air and I resurfaced to catch my breath. For once, I was thankful for the lack of lung capacity I had. I climbed back onto Tsireya’s ilu. Seeing as she wasn’t back yet, I sat back and leaned on its neck to face the sky.

Did she always glow like that when she smiled? Whenever she was with him—she always looked so happy, so vibrant. Would she have looked like that with me by her side if I didn’t push her away? If I was there for her like I had promised? I wanted to tell her sorry—that I was sorry for taking our friendship for granted, for making her go through it alone. I wish that it didn’t take seeing her smile and laugh with someone else to make me realize how I felt.

I willed my tears to go away.

Is this how she felt? Seeing me with Tsireya? Great Mother… I was truly horrible, wasn’t I? I wished things turned out differently. Maybe in another universe, I did talk to her—realized sooner, made her happier—but now? Right now, my heart was torn in two, watching as someone else picked up the pieces of the heart I crushed. No amount of words could fix what we used to have, and even though I wanted to whisk her away, tell her I love her—that I see her—that seeing her with him made my skin crawl, I knew I couldn’t. I was no longer worthy to be part of her life, because of me and my actions alone.

I had become nothing but a stranger.

Ever since that day

The things I didn’t say

They haunt me

I know that I’m to blame

So go ahead and

Blame it on me, ooh

I know that I’m too late

But I’ll say it anyway

I’m sorry

Hmm, I’m sorry

Oh-oh-oh-oh, I’m sorry

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sparklewrites1 · 1 year

Text

They Don't Know About Us (They Do Now)

Chad Meeks-Martin x Reader

DO NOT REPOST MY WORK ON OTHER PLATFORMS

ABOUT: no ghostface au! You and Chad have been secretly dating for the past few months. That is until a certain someone catches you two doing a certain something.

WARNINGS: Making out, kissing, flirting, dirty jokes, corny shit.

Word count: 1.5K

A/n: this one was kinda rushed at he end but overall I'm a little proud of it. Writing for KATE BISHOP MCU VERSION NEXT!

---

It was another night at Sam, Tara, and Quinn’s apartment. The atmosphere was somewhat quiet. Quinn was flicking through TV channels, Ethan and Anika were half asleep on the couch, Mindy was setting the table, Sam and Tara were chatting while sitting on the floor next to the coffee table, and you and Chad were in the kitchen.

You were leaning on the counter a few feet away from the oven, and Chad was checking to see if the pizza in the oven was finished cooking.

“Done yet?” You queried.

“Nah, Give it 5 more minutes.” Chad responded with the shake of his head.

You groaned and threw your head back.

“I’m so hungry right now!” You whined while dramatically clutching your stomach.

Chad chuckled as he closed the oven. He took off the oven mitts he was wearing and placed them next to you. After placing the oven mitts down he moved in front of you and placed his hand on the counter beside you, leaning closer to you.

“Maybe when we get to your place you can ‘eat me’.” he whispered in your ear half-jokingly, but with a hint of suggestiveness in his voice. You hastily shushed him with a small laugh.

“Oh my gosh, Chad you can’t just say that!” You whispered back while giggling. His suggestion made you a little flustered because you knew it was somewhat of a promise. But you couldn’t have him saying stuff like that while his sister and your friends were in the other room and could have easily heard him.

You and Chad had been secretly dating for the past few months. You had met him when he moved to NYC and came to Blackmore University. You two were seated together during a class. Chad had made a corny joke about how the professor had accidentally put on mismatched socks and to his surprise he had heard a small chuckle from beside him. He turned his head and found you trying to suppress your laughter with your hand covering your mouth. Throughout the class Chad kept cracking stupid jokes and algebra puns until the class ended.

After class you had walked up to Chad and made conversation, it turned out you and Chad had a few of the same interests. But what you both really bonded over soap-opera’s. Yes. Soap opera’s. You had both liked to watch them just for laughs and entertainment, but you two had somehow formed a friendship, and you had monthly sleepovers so you could binge watch different soap opera’s together.

After a few months, you had started to feel strange. Every time you saw or talked to Chad, you had felt a yearning for him. You were longing for him. You brushed it off as just a silly little crush, but you were wrong. That feeling had started to get stronger and stronger, it had started to bubble up like a soda that had been shaken. Every moment you had with Chad you couldn’t help but think about how soft his lips would be on yours, or how his arms would feel wrapped around you, or how his hands would feel on your bare skin.

Those feelings continued to grow until one night you took a leap of faith and pressed your lips onto Chad’s as he rambled about a betrayal that had recently happened in the soap you were both watching. You pulled away and after a few seconds of silence you were about to open your lips to blurt out an apology, but before you could you felt Chad’s lips pressed against yours in a heated manner. And the rest was history.

That's what led you to this moment, Chad was right in front of you as you leaned on the counter, he was whispering sweet nothings and dirty jokes into your ear as you giggled and covered your mouth with your hands.

“Chad, is the pizza done ye- What in the hell?” Mindy had walked into the kitchen unbeknownst to you two and she was greeted with an unfamiliar sight.

Chad had swiftly backed away from you and turned towards Mindy.

“Jesus, Mindy! Ever heard of knocking?” Chad exclaimed.

“This is a fucking kitchen!” Mindy argued. “What the fuck is this???” Mindy asked with a half judgmental and half confused expression while gesturing towards you two. “Am I interrupting something?”

“No, Mindy you’re not. We were just a little startled by you.” You explained.

“Ok…” She said, not completely sure whether or not to believe you. Despite you and Chad being a secret, you two had to be extra careful around Mindy because if she ever caught you, you best believe that the entire friend group would know about you within the next 5 minutes.

“Anywho… Is the pizza ready?” Mindy inquired.

“Yeah, Probably.” Chad answered.

“Cool.” She said. Mindy walked over to the oven mitts and grabbed them and Chad pulled out his phone, there was an awkward energy lingering in the air. Mindy turned around and moved towards the oven and opened it. She pulled out the pizza pan and placed it on the stovetop.

“Here, lemme help.” You volunteered as you turned toward the utensils drawer and grabbed the pizza cutter. You swerved around and went towards the stovetop and started cutting the pizza into triangular slices. As you were cutting, your finger got a little too close to the blade and you ended up slicing a small cut into the side of your finger.

“Shit.” You mumbled as you grabbed the tip of your finger to examine the small wound.

“Sam! Do you have any band-aids?” You called out to Sam.

“No, we just ran out! Why?” She shouted to you from the living room.

“I cut my finger!” You shouted back.

“Oh, that sucks!” She yelled.

“I have some band-aids in my car.” Chad spoke from behind you.

“Really?” You asked.

“Yeah, C’mon let's go get ‘em.” He gestured for you to follow him.

You were standing next to Chad’s car as he was reaching into the glove compartment of his car.

“Here you go. One band-aid for the wounded lady.” He joked as he outstretched his hand towards you.

“Thank you.” You smiled as you reached for the band-aid but Chad had been too quick and raised his hand over his head.

“How ‘bout a quick smooch in exchange?” He proposed with a cheeky grin. You let out a small giggle as you placed your hand on the side of his face, and your other hand on his shoulder. You pulled him closer to you until your lips were on his. He placed his hands on your hips and your lower back and pulled you closer to deepen the kiss. A few seconds passed and the “Smooch” was getting hot and heavy, the tips of Chad's fingers were under your shirt, and your thumb was now caressing his jaw.

“Guy’s the pizza is almost gone wh- OH MY GOD!” Mindy was cut off by her own shouts as she witnessed the sight of her close friend and her brother’s passionate makeout session.

You and Chad practically jumped away from each other.

“Mindy!” you exclaimed.

“Oh fuck.” Chad whispered in defeat.

“Mindy we weren’t doing anything we were ju- GET BACK HERE!” You shouted as Mindy Sprinted in the direction of Sam’s apartment.

“I enjoyed the secrecy while it lasted.” Chad spoke, knowing his sister was about to inform the entire group of his and your escapades.

“I didn’t!” You yelled as you sprinted after Mindy.

“Mindy stop!”

“NO!”

Mindy was running up the steps and you were a few feet behind her.

“Mindy!”

“I can’t! This is too big of a secret to hide!” Mindy complained as she continued sprinting. She was right, Mindy could keep a small, minor secret, but something like this was too big for her to withhold from the rest of the group.

You caught up to Mindy as she got to the open door of Sam’s apartment and basically tackled her, you placed your hand over her mouth, but within a millisecond of doing so, you felt a wet, cold sensation against your palm.

You gagged in disgust as you frantically shook your hands and wiped them on Mindy’s shirt. Mindy broke free of your grasp and ran inside the apartment.

During your kerfuffle with Mindy, everyone in the apartment had been alerted and turned towards the doorway with confused expressions.

“Kissing! Lots of kissing!” Mindy shouted as she stood in the living area of the apartment. “They kiss! Kiss!” She could barely get her words out as she gasped for air and was stumbling over her words.

“I don’t get it. Who’s kissing?” Anika asked.

“CHAD AND [NAME]!” Mindy yelled.

“They were kissing? Chad and [Name]?” Quinn asked with a hint of disbelief in her voice.

“YES!” Mindy shouted.

“Did it look like a first kiss or did it look like they had done it before?” Ethan inquired.

“MAKEOUT! HARD SMOOCHES AND ST- AND STUFF!” Mindy exclaimed with a slightly disturbed expression at the thought of her brother making out with a girl.

“We’re dating!” You blurted out. You had decided since Mindy already knew you might as well tell everyone.

“I saw it coming from a mile away.” Tara stated.

“Me too.” Sam said.

“I’m guessing you told them already?” Chad said as he nonchalantly waltzed into the apartment, already having accepted his fate.

“Yeah.” Everyone said in unison.

“Can I have the band-aid now?” You turned towards Chad.

#fanfic #fanfiction #writing #chad meeks martin #chad meeks #chad meeks x reader #chad meeks martin x reader #scream vi #scream 6 #scream 5 #scream #mason gooding

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whatitsdecending · 3 months

Text

Chokehold: Pt. VI

Vessel x Reader x Noah Sebastian

The high of being around Vessel had soon come to an end as he had to leave for a quick tour and it seems like there is trouble between your friendship with Noah following that phone call from a few weeks ago.

A/N: hello me again, me… I’m bad at updating and I apologize! This is another filler (i know:/) just because I do want to get to the juicy stuff which happens after where we leave off in this chapter :) enjoy!

Word Count: 2.2k

Content warning: some lighter details of smut

—————————

Three weeks passed and you never heard from Noah.

It was worrying; his abrupt end to your conversation and then going ghost since then. Not one text of him sending a stupid meme for you to look at or even a picture of Jolly doing something idiotic at their house. Nothing. And it made your heart ache.

Was it something you’d done? Did he figure out what was going on between you and Vessel? Your mind constantly retraced the conversation, wondering if he had overheard something he didn’t need to… in fact, that was a good possibility.

You did take the call while Vessel was finishing up dinner and stepped away while you answered, not wanting there to be so much background noise you couldn’t hear what Noah was saying. Vessel said something and you responded, doing everything you could to cover the sound so it wasn’t as obvious. Clearly you did a bad job at that.

But why did he seem so mad about it?

Noah’s temper confused you sometimes but you knew he put up shields to prevent himself from getting hurt again. That part of him is something you could relate to, and it was one of the many things the two of you bonded over during your first few conversations. But from your entire relationship with him, you both never wanted something serious. The entire no strings attached thing is something you both agreed on, had it become too much?

Your mind pondered the entire situation while you spaced out on Vessel’s bed. You’d become entranced by the repetitive motion of him folding his clothes and packing them into his suitcase. That time had come, where Vessel had to go to Germany for two weeks for shows. It was just two weeks, you’d tell yourself. He will be back and you will watch their show in London before you get to spend the holidays with him. Though that time will probably fly by and then you’re going back to work with Bad Omens.

It pained you as you thought about the possibility of a ruined friendship between you and Noah. Maybe being able to speak to him in person would help and you could explain yourself with more ease in person than over the phone.

“Well that’s all I need.” Vessel’s voice broke you from your trance and you noticed he had finished fitting all he needed into the suitcase. His eyes danced across the solemn look on your face, his own becoming confused. “What’s wrong, Y/N?”

“Just gonna miss you, that’s all.” You mumbled. A gentle smile tugged at his lips as his eyes softened. He stepped over to where you sat on the bed and wrapped his long arms around you, pulling you in close to his torso.

“I know. But I’ll be back here soon, just a few shows and you get to go enjoy the coolest one of them all.” He said. You snorted at that last part, knowing it was going to be pretty cool since Vessel hasn’t been able to contain his excitement and spilled everything that’s planned for their Wembley show. As he rambled on, you grew more excited as the days passed by. Now that their tour was starting in two days, the excitement was almost at its peak.

His hands gently pushed against your back as he held you closer to his chest, the subtle scent of his cologne wafting into your nose and settling the constant ache in your own chest from these past few weeks.

Time flew by so quickly that the moment he mentioned he needed to meet his band for rehearsals hit you like a train. You knew the entire process from your own experience, but when it came to the expense of the happiness you’d fought for all your life, it was debilitating.

The light buzz of his phone on the bedside table startled you both, taking away the warm trance you’d both been encased with. His brow furrowed as he read the message and stuffed the phone into his back pocket.

“II is outside.” His voice was soft as he ran a hand along the back of your head, cupping around the base of your skull and bringing your face to his. It was a gentle kiss and long enough to show you he didn’t want this moment to end. Neither did you.

Vessel hesitantly zipped his suitcase closed and grabbed his backpack, slinging it over one shoulder as he pulled the luggage from his bed. Your heart ached more and more with each movement, each taking you closer to when he’ll be leaving.

You followed him down the steps and out into the freezing air of December, noticing II waiting in his car in the driveway. He stepped out and headed to where you stood with Vessel.

“Y/N!” He said in a way of greeting. “Looking wonderful as always.” He pulled you into a tight hug. “It’ll be over soon, I promise.” He gave you a small squeeze of reassurance before he pulled away and took Vessel’s suitcase.

“II!” You called as he began to head back to his car. “Make sure he stays out of trouble.” A smirk pulled at his lips as he gave you a thumbs up.

“I’m not the one who gets in trouble…” Vessel mumbled from your side. You turned to face the man you’ve become so accustomed to and felt that ever growing pain be the strongest it’s ever been.

You cupped his cheeks with your hands as you stared into his eyes. “I will miss you, Ves. I hope you have an amazing tour and everything goes smoothly. I’ll see you in two weeks.” He smiled down at you, noticing the sliver of tears that threatened to spill from your eyes as that ache grew to be too much to bear.

His hand reached up and covered your left one moving his face to lay a kiss on your palm, before taking both your hand and his and placing it over your heart. “Only two weeks, darling. Then you’ll have me as much as you want until your duties come around.” He glanced over to where II was patiently waiting and then back to you. “Don’t get into any trouble.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead and walked away.

In a matter of a minute, the car was gone and you were alone. Usually being alone didn’t bother you since it was all you’d known for years… but this was a different type of loneliness that you had no idea how to handle.

Though it was only two weeks, this shit was going to suck.

—————

Snow fluttered around you as you placed some firewood into the basket Vessel used to hold them. Before he left he made sure to stock up on the logs so you’d be able to keep a fire going while you read, knowing the sound was something that helped engage you more into your stories.

It’s been a day since Vessel left for tour and you were still adjusting to the newfound silence that filled his home. Usually, you could easily figure out what room he was in since music had the tendency to follow him everywhere. Whether it was something he played from his phone or his own voice carrying through the house. Whichever the case may be, you always loved it.

Sleep didn’t come easily last night as you tossed and turned in the sheets, longing for his warmth and strong arms to hold you as you fell asleep.

Everything ached. Your heart and mind as you longed for his presence beside you… but the worst was the ache between your legs as your mind wandered off to the night before he left.

His hands wandered your body, the one he’d come to memorize so quickly, as his eyes watched yours with a fiery intent. You laid bare beneath him as he masterfully touched you in every way that made you melt for him.

You sighed as his fingers would brush past the place you wanted them most. Vessel smirked at the reaction and his hands pressed against the sensitive skin of your thighs, spreading them apart even further than they were before. Your breath hitched in your chest as you watched him lower down to your core, the slickness illuminating under the light of the candles surrounding the two of you.

He placed kisses on each thigh, moving closer and closer…

His lips made contact with your clit and your hips bucked into his touch. Vessel dug his fingers into the flesh of your thighs as he held you down on the bed, not allowing you to move as he teased you with his tongue.

“Ves…” you moaned. “Please-” The whine that came from you sounded pathetic to your ears, but it turned him on even more as you felt the growl he released against you.

“What is it that you want darling?” He asked, his stare holding yours and you did your best to relay the message through your eyes. “Use your words, love.”

You took in a deep breath as he watched with patience. Your mind moved a million miles per hour as you thought of how to tell him what exactly you wanted. You closed your eyes as you took one last deep breath before saying; “Vessel I want you to make me ascend to the stars.”

Your phone buzzing on the table in front of you snapped you back to reality. That ache between your legs intensified during your daydream, and now you knew you’d have to take care of it at some point.

Picking up the phone, you notice it’s a message from Vessel. You open it and smile at what he sent; a mirror picture of him and the guys in their stage getup and a caption that said: All ready to make some people cry!

You quickly typed back a response and then another, asking him to send one of just himself… for reasons you won't explain until he gets back.

—————

Today was Wembley day. The band had been in London for a few days now, but you hadn’t been able to see them because they were so busy preparing for this show. You texted back and forth with Vessel, learning there were much more “extravagant” pieces for this show than what they’d grown accustomed to.

So now you walk around the venue as a security guard leads you to the backstage entrance. He gave you a little pass that said “crew” and explained I will be hanging out in Vessel’s dressing room for a bit until the show starts and I can chill on the side stage.

The arena was huge and you were so thankful this security guard was showing you where to go instead of you having to figure it out on your own.

Your journey ended when he stopped at a door, nodded and left. A nervous pit began to grow in your stomach as you raised your fist and knocked. The door swung open seconds later and Vessel pulled you inside, slamming the door behind you and pushing your body against it.

Your breathing was rapid as you stared at each other. “Hello.” You said, noticing that he was shirtless and had the pants he performs in on.

“I was wondering when you’d arrive,’’ he breathed heavily. “I was getting worried.”

“Traffic. You know how bad it gets when there’s an event.” You cracked a smile.

“I know… I just needed you here.”

Your hand rested on his chest. “I’m here now, Ves.”

“I know.” He whispered. His hand wrapped around the back of your neck and pulled you to his lips. It was gentle and intimate, everything you’ve wanted in the last two weeks. You just wanted him like this, to hold you close and kiss you like nothing else mattered around the two of you. His arms belonged around you and that’s all that matters.

An hour later you’re standing on the side of the stage, making sure to stay out of the way of the crew running around and doing their last minute tasks. You’d peaked out a few times and gasped each time when you saw just how many people were here to watch them perform.

You were going to have to get used to the arenas since Bad Omens will be performing in them as they open for Bring Me The Horizon. But in the meantime you stood back and gaped at the crowd, wondering how the hell they could perform and not throw up from the nerves.

The lights turned off and the roar of the crowd was near deafening as the beginning of Chokehold echoed through the building. You watched as Vessel was guided through the side stage, making his way to the middle of the stage. You became entranced by the pure beauty of him as he did what he loved most.

And that part of you ached once again. Your heart, it ached in a way that it hadn’t before and you felt even more drawn to everything he did. Whether it was the simple things he did at home or while he put his all into performing, you didn't know.

What you did know was that your heart beat for him.

And that you loved him.

#bad omens #noah sebastian #sleep token #vessel

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elvendorx · 10 months

Note

Hii! Love all yuor metas! How do you think Remus took the fact that James and Sirius declared themself often as best friends, do you think he sometimes got hurt and felt a little jealous or he was just okay with that?

Hello and thank you, that's so nice of you to say! <3 Thank you for this question, I could talk about marauder dynamics forever and I mean that incredibly literally, because this response is so. long. But I felt like I had to explain the ins and outs of the dynamics of james, sirius and remus to justify why I think it wasn't exactly jealousy but that there was resentment and maybe judgement from remus re: their friendship. that’s what I’m telling myself anyway :)

Note: I mention some information directly from Pottermore/Wizarding World here as a lot of information about Remus’ early life is included there. My stance on Pottermore/WW information is that you can judge and accept it according to how well the additional info aligns with character presentations in the books and whether it’s consistent with the information there. Basically, whether it seems like something that was always intended for the character or whether it’s something fluffed up for attention post-series (it’s about 50/50 with this author imo). For me, the Pottermore/WW info on Remus generally does align with how I understand and read him in the series so I use it as part of my discussion here.

I think that jealousy is a pretty common human response when you see a mutual bond existing independently of you between two people you consider your close friends. Remus had an isolated childhood and we see that friendship and acceptance were incredibly important to him so on that basis, yes, I think that James and Sirius' closer friendship existing within the group would be difficult for him at times, when it was something that he wanted and valued so much. But on that same basis, I think that James and Sirius' closeness would be something he was at peace with, because he still had the friendship and acceptance that he wanted regardless of what level of exclusivity it operated at.

Sirius and James seem to have hit it off immediately on the Hogwarts Express, so Remus would probably have recognised their closeness to each other from the start and maybe assumed that they had already known each other for many years, and it was something that he never questioned. Whilst I don’t think that James & Sirius' closeness was something that especially troubled Remus, I do think that James was his favourite friend, because he talks about him especially fondly and in a different way to how he talks about Sirius and Peter. Even so, it’s evidently incredibly meaningful to him that he had the three of them as a unit when he's explaining that he's a werewolf in the Shrieking Shack:

"For the first time ever, I had friends, three great friends. Sirius Black… Peter Pettigrew… and, of course, your father, Harry -- James Potter."

Pottermore/WW states that Remus was happy to have friends at all, having never thought he could be part of a group, and I think he'd get swept up in the excitement and novelty too much to get strongly jealous, especially when they tell him their intentions to become Animagi for him because I don't think that Remus would ever have imagined that kind of friendship for himself.

In fact throughout the books we see that, as an adult, Remus participates in and perpetuates the view of James and Sirius as a closer, separate pair - “your father and Sirius here were the cleverest students in the school”, “your father and Sirius were the best in the school at whatever they did — everyone thought they were the height of cool” - so I’m more inclined to think that any issues that Remus might have felt towards James & Sirius’ friendship would have come from the imbalance in how he comes to view them individually, rather than from any feelings of personal exclusion.

However, we see Remus’ negative self-judgement inform his relationships on several occasions throughout the series - he doesn't pull up James and Sirius in SWM on their treatment of Snape despite his visible disapproval, probably out of his closeness to them and fear of rejection, as we know he values and relies on the company of his friends to bear the difficulties of his condition (although he made them "feel ashamed of ourselves sometimes"). He thinks that Tonks doesn't see him as good enough because he doesn't feel good enough for her himself. He worries about not being worthy of the accommodations that Dumbledore has made for him so I can absolutely see him watching James and Sirius form their own unit within the group and feel that it's due to his own shortcomings rather than a natural kinship between them.

Again, I think that's a fairly common human response to seeing two people that you know so well, seemingly spend the same amount of time with, but they just click in a different way. I don’t think that it necessarily suggests anything untoward on Remus’ part and I think that any jealousy or annoyance about it would arise mainly in his worst moments of low self-esteem rather than being a consistent and underlying feeling. Remus is quite matter-of-fact and could probably see that James and Sirius have that same spirit and taste for trouble and be like, okay then, makes sense. Perhaps in the scenario of group activities (i.e. the map) where James and Sirius might get carried away and work on it without the others, he'd be a bit more sour about it because it's something that was intended as a group activity but he'd also probably enjoy the peace away from schemes that didn't involve him.

I said earlier that I think Remus consideredJames his personal best friend but I also think he'd be somewhat relieved to not have the pressure of being in an intensely close best-friendship like James and Sirius had and having to constantly uphold his side of it. I don’t think he could deal with the sense of pressure that would manifest for him in that scenario, and I think that he would also be aware of that and that would temper any sense of jealousy or woundedness. The intimacy of his relationship with Tonks seems like a very new or at least rare thing for Remus and he doesn’t deal well with the idea of being needed. James and Sirius have a lot of energy, so probably Remus would be grateful that James has Sirius to cause trouble with rather than getting drawn into it himself, particularly the side of James that gets a kick out of bullying Snape because Remus is clearly uncomfortable with that. Remus says in PoA that:

"Dumbledore's trust has meant everything to me. He let me into Hogwarts as a boy, and he gave me a job when I have been shunned all my adult life"

so although they pushed the boundaries with the illegal Animagi transformations, I don't think that Remus would have done anything covert at school so James having Sirius to do the more ostentatious troublemaking with would be a blessing for Remus in many ways.

Ultimately, I think that James and Sirius being a twosome just becomes a given fact of the group dynamic, with Remus happy with being part of a group and being liked, grateful for James in particular and accepting of James’ separate friendship with Sirius, but I think it became more complex later on. Remus doesn't perceive James and Sirius equally and as he grew to trust Sirius less, James’ closeness to him might be something that Remus understood or accepted less too. We don’t know very much at all about his individual relationships with James and Sirius, or how his view of them changed between adolescence and adulthood but there are differences in the way he talks about them as individuals.

Remus talking about James vs Sirius

Remus has a very positive view of James and struggles to admit to his flaws with Harry in the post-SWM chapter, he tries hard to mitigate and justify them even when Harry has visibly seen Remus' discomfort in the memory:

“Look, Harry, what you’ve got to understand is that your father and Sirius were the best in the school at whatever they did — everyone thought they were the height of cool — if they sometimes got a bit carried away —”

whereas Sirius is like "yeah he was a bit of an idiot, we were all idiots" and admits that he's ‘not proud of it’ rather than trying to justify it.

Remus actively makes allowances for James’ treatment of Snape:

“Snape was a special case. I mean, he never lost an opportunity to curse James, so you couldn’t really expect James to take that lying down, could you?”

but intervenes with Sirius' behaviour on several occasions, even when he's not doing much more than getting a bit heated in conversation (as in, not in circumstances such as the Shrieking Shack which I would argue are exceptional):

“Sirius, sit down” (even though Molly is goading Sirius: “The thing is, it’s been rather difficult for you to look after him while you’ve been locked up in Azkaban, hasn’t it?”)

This sets up a dichotomy of James as predictable and reasonable vs Sirius as rash and unreasonable in Remus’ judgement - he doesn’t keep an eye on Sirius in OotP because they’re close or he’s in love with him, it’s because he doesn’t trust him and expects him to react disproportionately, or he sees Sirius as a disruption to good spirits or peace. When Sirius mentions Voldemort:

“the atmosphere in the room changed with the rapidity Harry associated with the arrival of dementors…Lupin, who had been about to take a sip of wine, lowered his goblet slowly, looking wary”.

On the other hand, he's incredibly protective of James’ reputation as an overall Good Person because the most stable and sociable times of Remus' life are framed by the time that James was in his life. Sirius and Remus were less close to each other than they individually were to James in my opinion, so Remus doesn’t have the same struggle with seeing Sirius as flawed. Sirius on the other hand readily admits James’ flaws:

“Of course he was a bit of an idiot!” said Sirius bracingly

To Sirius, this is just who James was and loved him for his flaws and his good qualities equally. He also doesn’t need to deny James' imperfections to believe that he was a good person:

“Your father was the best friend I ever had, and he was a good person”.

So I think it’s interesting seeing the differences in how Sirius and Remus see both James and each other, and what it says about those various individual relationships. Remus’ default perspective of Sirius still seems to be of someone he can’t or doesn’t trust despite finding out that Sirius was never a traitor.

Discord between Sirius and Remus

In my opinion, Remus and Sirius have a dynamic which has probably always run with some form of an undertone of discord and a couple of instances in SWM summarise this well (they actually run concurrently but I find it easier to dissect them seperately because there's a lot going on):

“I’m bored,” said Sirius. “Wish it was full moon.” / “You might,” said Lupin darkly from behind his book.

and

“...if you’re bored you could test me...” / “I don’t need to look at that rubbish, I know it all.”

The intended meaning of both Remus and Sirius is pretty clear in each exchange: in the first, Remus is asking for Sirius to test him, not for Sirius to refresh his own knowledge. In the second, Sirius is talking about the activites after transformation, which Remus talks about enjoying himself. In fact he says that when the others could transform, it made:

"my transformations not only bearable, but the best times of my life"

Therefore, it seems as if he’s deliberately reading it as ignorance on Sirius’ part - or he interprets it as ignorance or selfishness because he sees those qualities in Sirius already (the prank happens before SWM, so I think that this is probable, even if only a recent development). To me, this signifies a fundamental sense of misunderstanding and miscommunication between them, or a lack of desire to try, which continues into their adulthood. Their understanding of each other has limits and hurdles, whereas their discussion of James (both separately and together) is overwhelmingly positive and familiar (which could just be the dead friend glasses at work, but I do think they both just really loved James).

Pottermore/WW suggests a further sense of bitterness and jealousy towards Sirius from Remus: "he always got the women", Remus supposedly said when he thought that Tonks is in love with Sirius. There’s a kind of self-pitying tone and almost a sense that Sirius didn't deserve it or something. I personally imagine that Remus’ assumption of Sirius’ love life here is inflated, but it’s hard to say as we have nothing else to go on except teenage Sirius’ pin-ups. Nevertheless, I can’t see Remus directing equal bitterness towards James - he sees James an example of normality and therefore deserving of the things that Remus himself wants or admires in him, which I think are stability, likeability and eventually his own family.

The lasting effects of "the prank"

In isolation, these could be seen as small or surmountable incompatibilities but I think that the prank could foster some resentfulness from Remus regarding James & Sirius' closer friendship. It's a murky incident, but I personally see the 'prank' as a (if not the) catalyst in Remus’ doubt of Sirius. I don’t really see how a close call instigated by a friend where you would be solely implicated in the case of any fatal consequences couldn’t affect you personally and affect your friendships, even if most of it was kept under the surface. In fact, the under-the-surface attitude towards the prank is probably exactly what intensified Sirius and Remus’ eventual distrust of each other, and some fraughtness is evident in SWM. Interestingly we never pre-prank Marauder interactions (except J&S), which is interesting when SWM essentially functions as the defining snapshot of MWPP dynamics.

As much as Remus brushes ‘the prank’ off as an adult, I think it’s important to note the context of him having spent the last 12 years alone and finding out that he doesn't have two dead friends and a murderer ex-friend, but instead a dead friend, a traitor ex-friend and a framed friend (a net +1 friends), making him more willing to overlook the incident given the circumstances and the time that has passed since. There are also three kids and the actual traitor present, so I think that Remus downplays the prank to recalibrate focus onto Pettigrew, who is the bigger antagonist at that moment in time.

Remus has a pattern of avoidance which would make it extremely easy for him to be like “oh that? yeah that wasn’t a big deal, that’s all over with” even when Sirius and Remus’ post-Azkaban dynamic still has an undercurrent of Remus’ distrust in Sirius’ self-control, as we see from the way he restrains Sirius in the Shrieking Shack and afterwards in Grimmauld Place also. Arguably, these are both exceptional circumstances and not examples of Sirius' habitual behaviour. Outside of the Shack (finally confronted with his best friend’s murderer) and Grimmauld Place (unhappy family home), we see that Sirius is lucid, sharp, in control, when he meets with Harry and advises him during the Triwizard Tournament. After Voldemort returns, Sirius is visibly affected but composed for Harry, so he doesn’t need Remus to keep him under control but Remus clearly feels the need to intervene.

In many of the incidents where Remus steps in, Sirius is just expressing emotions, perhaps in a big and alarming manner, but he’s not really at risk of any dangerous or threatening behaviour (not denying that Sirius doesn't have impulsive episodes, the incident with Snape for example). By getting out of his chair, what is Sirius really going to do? I hardly see him coming to blows with Molly Weasley in front of half the Order + their kids but the point is that Remus is anticipating that he will do something disruptive or aggressive. A key part of the disconnect and discomfort between Remus and Sirius in my opinion is Sirius’ freedom to express unpleasant emotions without real consequence and Remus’ habit of restraint due to the implications of losing control as a werewolf: externalisation vs internalisation. Again, Remus doesn’t hold a loss of control or freedom of expression against James - only against Sirius, because the potential consequences of Sirius' loss of control were bigger (and involved Remus directly).

All of this, in my opinion, stems from the prank. The prank is also where I think that Remus would start to feel a stronger resentment towards James & Sirius' friendship, because his admiration of James and distrust of Sirius are incompatible and I think he'd see Sirius as undeserving of James' complete trust and loyalty. I think that he would want James to be angrier and take his side over Sirius', I think he'd see it as a black and white situation where Sirius is completely in the wrong. I think he'd be a bit like "he does shit like this and you STILL think the sun shines out of his arse" but he'd also be conflicted by that logic because he'd be like "well I'm a werewolf and you tolerate me so maybe it's fair enough that you let him get away with things" or maybe he’d just be relieved that James wasn’t angry at him, because he expects negative responses to the actions of the wolf.

Maybe the incident would elevate James further in his eyes, he might see it as part of James' fierce loyalty, maybe he would find it reassuring that James stands by Sirius even after a fuck up and it’s still okay, or maybe he would be resentful, like “I can't fuck up, and if I did would you defend me as hard as you’re defending him?”. In all scenarios, I think that Remus would nurse that resentment and distrust privately - he doesn't speak up in Snape's Worst Memory and it doesn’t seem like he ever voiced his suspicions about Sirius to James, or anyone at all. This is probably because he didn't think that James would believe him or tolerate him voicing concerns over Sirius’ loyalty, so he clearly understands James and Sirius’ friendship for what it is. I imagine that James probably thought the group were all equally close, or loved each other as much as he loved them all, and would be hurt by Remus and Sirius’ fraught friendship. Or perhaps Remus didn’t see Sirius as a threat to James specifically because of how close they remained after school.

Ultimately, I think Remus would have found his individual friendship with James and his place in a group of friends more fulfilling than he would have found the lack of a mutual best friend disheartening. Jealousy, with Remus' character, I think is a given at times as it feeds into his self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness but I don't think it would have been a constant or overriding feeling. If anything, I think that his frustration with Sirius’ impulsive or unreliable behaviour would show up in the way he viewed James and Sirius’ friendship, and in turn he’d see Sirius as undeserving of James’ fierce friendship and loyalty, out of love and protectiveness for James more than self-pity. TL;DR: some jealousy, but mainly resentfulness.

Thank you if you've read all of this! Now you know why it takes so long for me to answer asks, I promise I'm getting to all of them if you sent one and it hasn't been answered yet <3

#remus lupin #sirius black #james potter #mwpp #ask

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wlw-imagines · 5 months

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Inevitable - Camila Mendes/Reader

prompt: "Hello! Maybe something where reader joined the riverdale cast and her and Camila Mendes gets close?? Like they flirt every day and after a while they start dating? Thanks💋" - anon

a/n: these are from my old tumblr thefandomwritings from back in 2018 ! re-vamped and re-purposed!! hope u enjoy and forgive the 2018 me style writing

Your relationship with Camila had started out as a strange one. You were clearly bound to be friends from the moment you met when you joined the RIverdale cast for Season 2. The idea of joining a cast that had already bonded terrified you but she had welcomed you with open arms and always spent her spare time with you.

At first you had thought she was just one of those extra friendly people, her and Lili always mentioned how they got on so well from the beginning, but your friendship wasn't really like that. At least not in your eyes.

That may have been because you had very quickly developed feelings for the girl. Your relationship had quickly become a flirtatious one, only fuelling your feelings. But you were sure that for her it was only ever going to be a friendship - flirting with one another was only a competition of who could be the bigger flirt. You were convinced she would never feel the same as you did.

You were walking across the car park to the set for your first filming, the costume you were wearing already felt like home and the friends you were with already felt like family. You were all joking together when you were distracted by a distant wolf whistle.

Looking up, you noticed Camila standing in the direction you were walking towards. Once she noticed you were looking again she wolf whistled again and you could just about see her wiggling her eyebrows with a cheeky grin.

You looked behind you, slightly confused, "Who's she-?" Madeleine laughed and hung her arm around your shoulders and Lili smirked. "What?"

"You just got cat-called by Cami, congrats." Lili squeezed you lightly, “She means well. It must be her horny teen way of flirting, I think.”

"Who... with me?" The two nodded, laughing. "Huh?" You glanced at Camila again who was still looking at you but obviously attempting to pretend not to.

Lili looked between the two of you and let out a small gasp, "Are you guys dating?"

"What? No!" You shook your head. You'd only known each other just under a month, not that that had stopped you falling half in love with the girl.

"Well, I'm calling it. It's happening." She shrugged as if you no longer had a say in the matter any longer, it was fate. You just shook your head and rolled your eyes before heading on set.

------------------------------------

It had been three weeks since you had started filming with the cast of Riverdale and you were glad to say that your character hadn't been murdered off just yet, hopefully insinuating that they liked you.

You had really settled in at this point, having to spend hours in makeup helped forge your friendships with the crew and spending even longer with your fellow actors behind the scenes meant you were as close as could be. It was strange how quickly you could make friends when you were together 24/7 in their highs and lows.

Right now was one of your lows.

You were in makeup, it was 4:20 in the morning and you wouldn't exactly say you were elated to be there. Michelle, the woman who worked on your makeup, had made your life as cheerful as it could be at such an early hour. Even so, when you had to look in the wall mirror in front of your chair, you'd immediately noticed the bed hair and dark circles under your eyes. Michelle had her work cut out for her today.

And talking about Michelle, she had disappeared. She had told you where she was going but you were definitely not concentrating. So you were kind of surprised that when you heard someone come up behind you, it wasn't Michelle but Camila standing there.

"Looking hot Y/N." You looked at Camila in time to see her wink at you, already in full make-up and her cheerleading costume. Not for the first time since meeting her, you felt the butterflies in your stomach but shook them off and jokingly rolled your eyes.

"Right back at you Mendes." You attempt to wink back but since you were still half asleep you failed miserably, causing the other girl to throw her head back and let out a loud laugh.

She came up behind you and wrapped her arms around your shoulders so you were both looking at each other in the mirror. "You know, I think you're cute... so I mean this in the most loving, supportive way but- you actually look slightly like death. You sleep okay?"

"Mhmm," You nodded, not wanting to delve into a deep discussion about your sleeping issues. It did, however, make your heart skip a beat to see Camila look genuinely concerned for you, but before she had the chance to push further you moved the conversation on, "I mean, obviously I would have slept better if you were by my side."

The corners of her mouth twitched upwards as she shook her head and softly said "You're welcome to join me any time". She stood there for a moment, just looking at you before taking a deep breath and unwrapping her arms from you and straightening up, "I'll see you on set Y/N."

"Yep, see you." You gave a small wave but was quickly distracted by Michelle reappearing out of the storage cupboard. And so began the torturous session of hair being styled, lips being painted and eyelashes being curled (it was never ending).

--------------------------------

Moments like these were some of your favourites. You had reached the end of filming for the second season and so most of the cast were hanging out at Madeleine and Lili's as an end of season party. You had bought in a load of pizzas and KJ had brought alcohol. A lot of alcohol. You all took this as an opportunity to chill out, gossip and just let your hair down.

It didn't take anyone long to get way too drunk, everyone apart from Camila and Lili who seemed to be making sure no one set the apartment (or themselves) on fire.

"Camila." You smiled as you fell down next to her on the sofa, "You look very sober."

She smiled and looked at you, and if you were sober you would definitely have managed to notice the heart eyes she had when looking at you. Drunk you just thought you were hallucinating. "And you are very drunk. Come on, I'm taking you to a bed." She stood up and helped you up as well, holding you close to her to keep you steady.

"At least take me on a date first." You laughed, swaying dangerously close to her lips.

She raised an eyebrow and smirked slightly, "Mhmm, maybe tomorrow."

You nodded, seemed a fair enough deal, "I'm holding you to that."

"I'm not so sure you'll remember." She opened the door to Madeleine's room (Madeleine was already passed out on another sofa) and placed you on the bed, "Wait here, I'll get you some water." Camila walked out and you let yourself fall back on the bed and closed your eyes. In no time at all, Camila was back with a plastic cup of cold water. She helped you sit up and drink some before relaxing slightly, her protective side showing ever so slightly.

You glanced at your water and then to the girl sitting next to you before smiling a very drunk smile, "Okay, okay. Cam, what's your opinion on water?" She took one look at you and shook her head, laughing.

"Oh god, this isn't your attempt at drunk flirting, is it?"

Nearly tipping your glass of water, you tried rolling your eyes before putting your hand on her knee, "Just answer the question, dumbass."

She cleared her throat and licked her lips, looking down at your hand before answering, "Alright, I, uh, I like water. It's good. Why?"

"Because, that means you like 80% of me."

Her face broke out in a smile and she kissed your temple (although that may have been something you also hallucinated in a drunken haze) "Oh babe, I like 100% of you." She moved some hair out of your face and took the glass of water away, putting it on the bedside table. "Come on, let's get you into bed." She stood you up again and begun to unbutton your trousers.

'Woah, woah, woah. Stranger danger." You mumbled, squirming away.

"Y/N? I'm not trying anything, I'm just-"

"Nope."

"You'll be uncomfortable sleeping in your jeans, I'm just-"

"Away!"

"You are such a pain, get in bed." Giving in, Camila forced you under the duvet and was about to leave when you pulled her in next to you.

"Good night Cam." You mumbled, wrapping your arms around her. She was about to protest when she looked at you and suddenly couldn't think of anywhere else she would rather be.

------------------------------

It had been a few months since you had seen your friends and cast members. You had been completely absorbed with your latest project working on Supergirl and hadn't managed to see anyone. That was until you started the press run for Riverdale. AKA days of interviews, comic con panels, photoshoots. Doing all this only reminded you of how much you were in love with Camila. You were hardly able to look away from her in any interview.

It took until the very end of your press tour to decide to confess. You were tired, in love, and ever so slightly drunk when you knocked on her hotel door.

Camila opened the door and looked suitably surprised to see you. She opened her mouth to say something but you interrupted her. "I've just realised something." You stared at her, taking everything about her in. This made you pause long enough that she spoke up.

"It's 2am, you're either drunk or you've finally realised that you're completely and totally in love with me." She smirked slightly but you didn’t miss the slight way her eyes dulled. You grinned and stepped (swayed) closer to her.

"Yeah."

Rolling her eyes, she gave you a fond look and pulled you into her room, closing the door behind you. "Right, I'll get you some water. Come on, I-"

"What? Why would I need water for- oh, no. I'm... It's not the drunk option. Although I did have a bit of liquid courage before with the guys at the bar to get me to-" You stopped yourself from rambling and shook your head. "I love you Camila."

Her hands became still as she looked at you, her mouth hanging open slightly in shock and her eyebrows raised. She blinked a couple of times before she cleared her throat and forced a smile. "You're drunk, kind of reminds me of the end of season party." She shook her head, "You don't mean that. Or you won't in the morning." She bowed her head, distracting herself by fixing you up a glass of water, making it look like a much harder job than it really was.

You frowned at her reaction, not quite expecting that from her. You didn't truly know what it meant but you stepped forwards, taking the glass out of her hands and turning the tap off. Putting both hands under her chin, you softly pushed her chin up so she was looking at you.

"Camila, it has taken me way too long to say this.. but, I love you. And that really isn't alcohol talking." Softly but surely you placed your lips on hers, finally doing what you should have done months ago.

Camila pulled away and smiled, keeping her arms around you and your body close to hers, "Y/N? I love you too."

#camila mendes #camila mendes x reader #camila mendes fic #riverdale #riverdale x reader #WLW #wlw imagines #wlw imagine #wlw x reader #wlw-imagines #lesbian #lesbian imagine #imagine

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dessiesposts · 13 days

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Make you feel my love pt. 2 (remastered)

A/N: Hey y'all sorry for the late updates a lot has happened. I wasn't happy with the last chapter so it was rewritten. I def prefer this version better. I look forward to releasing part 3 soon! Hope y'all enjoy! Thank you all for the insane love you have been giving the story!

________________________________________________

6 years, 9 months and 15 days before…

The room was quiet. You and Ellie laid in her bed giggling at another stupid pun. You ended up snorting at her jokes which only egged Ellie on more. When she looked at you it felt like the world was only you two. You felt like the sun revolved for her. She looked so pretty when she laughed, it always made you giddy. You liked her so bad it hurt. You were so scared to tell her, you knew Ellie liked girls but you grew up with her. She saw every version of you, and she loved every version of you.

You would constantly doubt the girl’s affection for you. You somehow always chalked it up to your friendship bond. There’s no way Ellie could look at you like that. She always followed around other girls but not someone like you. You hated the way your skin started to feel tight. You felt so ashamed of it. You wanted to peel it away and start fresh, to be someone prettier for Ellie. You wanted her to look at you like she did with the other girls so badly. But, she was already looking at you. She was always looking at you.

“Angel” Ellie cooed her hand on your cheek felt hot. Your breath quickened. You felt warm. You were too nervous to look into her eyes. You were afraid of what she would see. You just nodded in response. It was hard to look in her eyes during these moments. You felt like if she looked in your eyes she would see everything. You always felt bare under her gaze.

“You know I can always tell when you’re thinking all crazy” she moved close, almost too close. Your eyes widened as you looked up at her. She laughed at your face, she loved your eyes. You were so adorable she thought. She loved the way you looked up at her. She just loved it when you looked at her.

“Yeah angel. Mind telling me what’s going on hm?” she asked softly. I’m in love with you, that's what’s going on. Instead you shook your head. She scooted closer. Suddenly the energy started to shift.

‘I’ve got something to tell you. Please don’t go away once I say it. You have to promise angel. Please promise.” she said with need. Her breathing got deeper as she watched you.

“Ok Els, I promise to never leave.” you whispered. It felt like just saying it was too loud, like it would ruin this moment. You held your pinky out to reassure her. She locked fingers with you paying extra attention to your lips as you sealed it with a kiss to your hand.

“I- I um, fuck” she stuttered. Her nerves were getting the best of her. She wanted to tell you so fucking bad. She was so scared. She had a crush ever since she saw you move in next door. She remembers begging Joel to take her to go say hi. She remembers your pretty hair all done up in two braids. She remembers following you around every day after that, completely starstruck. You’ve had her hooked since day one. She’s practically gone insane for you. There was only so long before she exploded. Maybe that’s why she needed to tell you now before her heart exploded out of her chest. She needed you to be her girl. She needed you.

You looked at her. Her eyes just stared right into yours. Her eyes flickered down to your lips. She bet they tasted like cherries. Fuck. She wanted to kiss you so bad. You saw her staring and practically whined. You were hopeless. You needed her. She needed you. You both needed this so bad.

Before you knew it, the space between you two became so small you could feel each other’s breath. You pulled away too scared to go any further. You quickly sat up. It was too much. Ellie sat up, she was pushing down her disappointment.

“Let’s go bug Jesse and Dina yeah?’ She asked quickly standing to go grab her converse. You smiled nodding. It was always nice to have a distraction.

2 days 6 hours and 36 minutes after…

Ellie felt the air leave her lungs. You don’t remember her. You don’t remember anything. She had to swallow back tears. She took too deep of a breath.

“I’m Ellie. Ellie Miller. I’m your girlfriend.” she said awkwardly. She hated this. There was an awkward silence that seemed to swallow the room. Only the soft beeping of the machine brought Ellie a consistent comfort. She grabbed the cup of water next to her, swallowing roughly. Her fingers toyed with the frayed edges of the old flannel.

You just nodded. Ellie brought you a sense of comfort although it felt misplaced, maybe even a little forced. She looked like a kicked puppy standing in front of your hospital bed. You felt a twinge of guilt looking at her. Something deep in your soul wanted to comfort her yet you stopped yourself. It felt too soon for that. It wouldn’t be authentic. You did the next best thing.

“Do you want to sit down?” You gave her an awkward smile attempting to smooth over the tension. It hung thick in the air. Ellie sat down just looking at the floor, silently counting the tile. She wanted to avoid your gaze, it burned her skin. You wanted to look at her. You wanted to stare into her eyes and find the answer to this mess, to yourself. You needed more than the cliffnotes of your life. Your heart is beating fast.

“So we were dating?”you asked almost sarcastically. Of course you were, the girl just told you.

“Yeah.” Ellie nodded, still not looking your way. She wanted to leave. She needed a drink.

“How long have we been dating for?” you asked curiously. You needed more. She needed more.

“About four years.” she responded dryly, rolling her eyes. She found herself pissed at the situation. She wished she could laugh at this moment. Here she was with the girl she was planning to marry who now could not remember her or anything for the past 19 years.

You pressed your lips in a tight line. You understood her anger, you felt it yourself. You knew this was hard for her. You looked at her with such a pitiful look, she hated that. She didn’t want pity, that’s all she’s been getting. She wanted her girl but life wanted to laugh at her. She knew that the irony of the situation couldn’t get better. She saw how everyone looked at her. Even her own sister, Sarah could barely look at her. Ellie knew she wasn’t handling the situation as well or maturely. The flask in her pocket ensured that. Her hair was disheveled, she looked like she hadn’t slept in days. She looked empty. You wished you could help her. You wished you could give her an ounce of hope. But the truth is that the girl in front of you was a stranger. You didn’t feel anything for her.

“I’m sorry” you apologized. You looked down ashamed. Ellie just nodded and stood up.

“ Me too” she said before she walked out of the room before she could cry in front of you. She felt pathetic.

1 year and 3 months and 6 days before…

Ellie stared straight ahead. She felt frozen. Everyone came up to her, Sarah and Tommy giving their condolences. She nodded curtly and quietly said thank you as she shook their hands. She couldn’t feel anything. Time was passing and she was stuck.

The ceremony was tame. It wasn’t much but it was enough for Joel. She knew he would have liked for it to be simple. She let Sarah handle most of it, she just didn’t have the stomach for it. Plus Sarah had better taste. Yet, in this moment she wanted nothing more than to curl under a mountain of blanket and drink her sorrow away,

The guilt in Ellie ate her up. She wished she was stronger. She wished she had more courage to face this. But, this was the scariest thing for Ellie. The man who she grew to rely on was gone. He was always there to hold her hand, to guide Ellie on her path, to keep her in the light. He helped her endure and survive. But, he was gone. He left Ellie alone, she had to fight her own battles now. She had to look for the light. Ellie bit the inside of her cheeks hoping to stifle any sobs coming from her mouth. She didn’t want the attention, the babying, she didn’t want any of this.

Ellie looked down at her beat up converse carefully examining them as the preacher spoke. The casket only a few feet away from Ellie felt too real. She was terrified of looking at it. If she looked at it then it was real, then Joel was really gone. She opted to look at everything but the casket. The preacher seemed miles away as he went on about heaven. Sarah wanted a preacher, she practically insisted on the entire ceremony whereas Ellie and Tommy would have preferred a much more low-key service. It was still nice.

“Now we call on Joel’s youngest daughter, Ellie to speak”

Ellie’s eyes shot up wide, suddenly snapped out of her trance. She forgot that she had to speak. Sarah had requested that each one speak on Joel’s behalf. Her mouth ran dry. Ellie had spent the week trying to write about Joel, looking for the right words to say yet whenever she wrote anything it ended up crumpled up in the trash.

She stood up and approached the podium, the preacher giving her a kind smile of reassurance. As she turned, her eyes caught a glimpse of the casket. It was now in her direct line of vision.She couldn’t ignore this. Her eyes watered. She could always be the loudest smart ass yet here she was speechless. The eyes of the church only added salt to the wound. Ellie tried to speak yet the words seemed to be caught in her throat. She couldn’t stop staring at the casket. It felt taunting.

You saw Ellie struggling, you silently stood up and walked towards her, meeting at the podium. You smiled small, “I’ve got you” you whispered. Ellie looked at you wide with tears overflowing. She just nodded. She laid her head on your shoulder sobbing as you began to read her speech. The memories of Joel consumed Ellie both good and bad. Memories flashed in her mind, some so fast she could barely process. She remembers when he told her that they got approved for adoption. The pure joy on both of their faces. They walked hand in hand to the comic book store, a gift to welcome her officially into the Miller family. By the time you finished Ellie’s words you were sharing tears with Ellie as you guided her back to her seat. She refused to let go of your hand. You didn’t mind though. You both clung to each other.

You both sat on the cool oak bench holding hands. Even once the ceremony was over, the church empty, you both sat there staring at the casket, The silence all consuming. You wondered if you would ever get your Ellie back, or if she died with Joel. The two of you sat there.

“Always?” she whispered softly.

“Always.” you confirmed.

7 months and 13 days before…

You heard loud bangs coming from your living room. You carefully got up grabbing the bat you and Ellie kept by your dresser. Your chest filled with anxiety, your mind racing with the possibility of a stranger being in your home.

Slowly you made your way down the hall to find a very drunk Ellie stumbling in the dark. You sighed as you slipped the switch on the wall halting Ellie’s movements. She bashfully turned around to a very pissed off you.

“H-Hey Angel” she hiccuped. You rolled your eyes agitated.

“Again Ellie, it’s 2 in the morning.” you said annoyed.

“I just grabbed a drink with Cat after work babe, no big deal.” she nonchalantly said. No big deal my ass. This is the fourth time this week.

You huffed. “I’m tired of you drinking like this all the time Ellie. It’s not good” You looked at the girl in front of you. She looked like the girl you fell in love with but she wasn’t.

“You can’t keep doing this Els. I know you’re still upset about -” you were cut off rather rudely by Ellie.

“Don’t” she said. Her moods changed so quickly it almost gave you whiplash.

You looked at her with sympathy. It was no secret that she was struggling. You just wished she would talk to you. You felt her pulling away more and more.

“Baby” you softly lulled. You began to walk towards her. Cautiously you put a hand on her cheek, cupping her face. You looked into her eyes trying to find her. You so badly wanted to find her.

“I’m here for you bubs. Don’t shut me out.” you whispered. Ellie’s tough exterior began to melt. She found your eyes. She was with you at that moment. She was carrying so much pain.

“I miss him too” your voice wavered. Ellie began to cry as she pulled you close nuzzling into your neck.

You held her close as she cried. Her sobs ripped through your heart.

You were scared a piece of her died with Joel.

4 days, 3 hours and 14 minutes after…

Ellie entered your shared apartment. It felt cold.

She walked towards your couch and sat. She could smell your perfume on the blankets. She gripped them tightly as she cried.

She lost another person.

4 days, 5 hours and 25 minutes after…

You were scrolling through your photo album. You came across a video of Ellie throwing you into a lake.

You both were squealing and laughing. She looked so happy as she held you close before jumping in. You smiled.

You wanted that person. You felt guilty that you didn’t miss her.

taglist: @efam @randomhoex @uberyellowsheepn @tfuuka @wex--12 @elliewilliamgfooc

#ellie williams #dessieposts #ellie x y/n #ellie x reader #joel and ellie #ellie williams x reader #ellie x fem reader #ellie the last of us #ellie williams angst #ellie williams x reader angst

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kyaa-q · 4 months

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A Train Wreck (part 2)

Lee Minho x fem!reader warnings: lots of angst and tw for verbal abuse/toxic relationship wc: 10k6> AO3 link :) | Part 1 synopsis: Your life has changed a lot throughout the past 6 months, since you started dating Jun. Events lead you to slowly distance yourself from some of the people you loved the most - Stray kids. Even your friendship with Bang Chan, your closest friend, was damaged after that day. Now, you find your life to be like an unstoppable train wreck hurtling toward disaster. You're gradually losing the bonds that had always kept you sane, for a serie of events that turned your world upside down. It feels inevitable: you will crash. Could someone help you avoid the collision? Could someone take the wheel with you, and help you get control over your life again? You don't know anymore. There's only one thing you do know: you are not welcomed and Lee Know, in particular, might hate you. And his opinion about you hurts more than you wanted it to.

Or: Y/N is in an abusive relationship and ends up distancing herself from her friends (Stray Kids). She thinks everybody hates her, especially Lee Know. She doesn't understand the effect he has on her (and vice-versa).

Minho’s chuckle still echoes in your mind as you’re slowly pulled back to the present. The faint buzz of your phone on the table catches your attention. You don’t recognize the number showing on the screen.

Still not feeling entirely as yourself, you pick it up. “Hello?” The sound of your voice rings weird in your ears.

You reach for your cup and sigh melancholically when you find it empty. Should I get another one? At the counter, the barista laughs a little too loud of something the cashier just said.

“Hi.” The male voice greets you from your phone, though you barely register it.

Maybe I should go home.

A nausea knot twist in your stomach at the thought.

But where else can I go?

A sudden shattering sound makes you jump and you whip your head. The cashier quickly makes his way going through the tables until you spot the source of the crash. The couple begins a succession of anxious apologies, met by constant reassurance from the cashier.

You could’ve sworn the noise had come from your phone, though.

You shake your head. I definitely need to go home and get some sleep.

“Who is it?” You hold the phone between your shoulder and ear and start collecting your stuff.

“Ouch. So you actually don’t have my number saved.” You hear a soft laugh, followed by a frustrated click of a tongue. “That is fair, I guess. Why am I hurt, though?” He murmurs what you can assume that is mostly to himself. You grab your bag to leave and force yourself to snap out of the heavy haze clouding your mind.

There is something familiar about the man, but you can’t really put your finger on it. It bothers you. The feeling of missing something important is there, but it’s overshadow by exhaustion and you decide that thinking takes too much energy – which you have none to spare.

You rub your temples. “I’m sorry, I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding. Who do you wish to speak to?” You take a quick look at your phone screen on your way out, realizing it’s way later than you thought. “Are you sure you called the right number?”

“Very sure, Y/N.” His voice is soft and reassuring.

You sigh again. “So, how can I…” You start, but something makes you stop.

The way he says your name itches a particular spot of your brain. It’s not simply familiar – it’s somehow intimate, and you picture the warmth that wraps you when you go inside a house after walking through the cold in the middle of the winter.

A face also comes in your mind, but you almost laugh. It comes out as a weak breath instead.

It’s unlikely. Flashes of angry howls through closed doors bring back the pain and shame from that specific day, that hasn’t stopped haunting you even weeks later.

It is unlikely, you tell yourself. Very unlikely.

Still, his name falls from your lips before you can stop it. “Minho.”

“Hello, Y/N.” He replies and you know that it is, unmistakably, Minho.

In a heartbeat, the clouds in your mind vanish and you feel particularly awake. You resist to acknowledge the feelings – of relief and… yearning? Longing? – that filled your heart after the realization that Minho was calling you.

Minho, of all people.

You step outside and the cold spring air fill your lungs. Your gaze shifts to the darkening sky, extending beyond the towering buildings that rise above the ground. You wish you could see stars.

It was impossible to ignore the strangeness of it. Minho never calls you. Literally. In fact, you couldn’t remember a single instance where it had happened. Not in the beginning, when you first started showing up at the studio as Chan’s friend, and especially not after Jun, when his despise became obvious and spread like dark tentacles that you tried so hard to overlook.

“Hey. How can I help you?” You ask coolly. Then, a thought surfaces in your mind making your panic spike. “Is everything okay?” The words come out rushed. “What happened?”

“Everything is fine, Y/N.” He reassures you and, for some reason you don’t understand, you believe him. “Nothing happened.”

Thank God. You exhale audibly.

The relief is short-lived. “Then why are you calling?”

Minho chuckles, but you don’t allow yourself to feel bad for being straightforward.

“Are you free on Saturday?” The casualty in Minho’s voice is still off-putting.

“It depends.” You reply, warily.

His laughs reverberates in your chest. “Of what?”

“You’re acting weird. What’s going on?” You blurt out.

“Weird how?” There is amusement in his voice, the realization leaving you almost disturbed. He’s enjoying it.

“Come on, Minho. Get to the point.”

“You’re no fun.” He sighs, though clearly still enjoying himself. “The comeback is around the corner and Chan has been working relentlessly. Even though it’s nothing new, it still doesn’t mean it’s suddenly good for his health.” You bite your lip as he continues. “We managed to bargain with him, so he is taking a day off and we thought it would be a good idea to celebrate the comeback. Or whatever the excuse was. I guess you can call it a group effort to give that guy a break, even if it’s just for a night.”

All your defenses are dismantled, you know it. The familiarity of the situation threatens to suffocate you as your throat tightens, unable to stop the gratitude of squeezing your heart at the picture of those guys taking care of each other.

And somehow including you.

The tears burn the back of your eyes. God knows how Chan has been and still he had called you on that very same day. You don’t remember what you said – if you even said anything – and you can’t help but wonder if, maybe, he had called you in search of a friendly ear.

If that were the case, you had failed him terribly.

While you desperately tried to fix everything, you ended up making things worse. You knew now how mistaken you were when you thought that distancing yourself would make things better. Yes, you knew why you were acting so wary and evasive, but how could Chan have any clue? None of them did. How could they? By being scared of bothering your friends, by trying not to burden them, you singlehandedly decided to withdraw yourself. Simple as that, you pushed all of them away and then you went further. You had convinced yourself that you were doing this for them.

How could this be considered a selfless choice in any shape of form? How much of your actions were guided by altruism and love for your friends, and how much of it was led by selfishness and, especially, fear of being hurt again?

You shake your head, chasing off the thoughts in your mind and wiping away a single stubborn tear that escaped rolled down your cheek.

Perhaps you had been annoying the boys to no end. Perhaps they all had grown seriously tired of you and simply didn’t know how to bring it up. Perhaps you had crossed their boundaries and became a source utter of discomfort and displeasure. Perhaps they even hated you, while you remained oblivious to it.

Perhaps.

But then what?

“Just so you know,” Lee Know interrupts your thoughts and you wipe another tear from your face. “You are coming. I’m calling just to make sure you cancel whatever you may have planned in advance.”

You raise your eyebrows in confusion, stunned. “Excuse me?”

“I mean it. It’s not up to discussion.” You open your mouth but nothing comes out, and when he continues, his voice is quiet and soft, “Chan misses you, you know.” Your heartbeat falters in your chest. “And it’s not just him.”

The thoughts fly chaotically inside your head and you stop yourself from stating out loud once more how odd the situation is. The fondness in his voice isn’t new, you’ve heard it before. You’ve heard it when he spoke to Han, discreetly checking how he was feeling in the after stage. You’ve heard it when he bickered with Chan and the way he called hyung afterwards. You’ve heard it when he teased Hyunjin, when he complimented Jeongin and when he spoke of Seungmin to other people.

You witnessed different and subtle ways of caring Minho had toward every member. Outside the group Minho was extremely reserved, many times seen as cold-hearted – a huge mistake. It was hard to know how much it affected him really, though. You’ve always admired him secretly and from afar for his strength and resolution.

From afar, you say, because you were part of the “outside the group” team, obviously. Minho was a mystery to you, a distant figure that you respected and stopped trying to understand a long, long time ago.

In the beginning, you had wondered if you were the problem.

Because you had seen his affection when it came to the members, the indifference towards you was awkward to say the least. He was never directly rude, though his detached attitude could be – and indeed was – seen as such sometimes. One day, you were chilling on the couch at the studio as 3RACHA worked on a track, Minho suddenly stormed into the room. You immediately sat straight, surprised by the sudden and unusual burst of excitement coming from him, breaking the quite monotonous atmosphere the room had acquired. Minho walked past you and went straight to Chan and Changbin, giggling as he showed them something on his phone. Han left the live room, confused about the fuss.

Minho turned the screen to Han and they both spoke energetically, with Chan laughing along. Even Binnie, though shaking his head, clearly bit back a smile. The latter caught you staring in confusion, and waved off the commotion. “Silly boys, Y/N. They’re like children.”

“Excuse you!” Han exclaimed dramatically, “The new chapter of Demon Slayer is anything but silly!”

Chan laughed louder and Minho’s head jerked in your direction. He blinked a few times, assimilating the unexpected presence of a fourth person he had not realized before. Suddenly, he stiffend his posture and gave you a short bow, murmuring something to the boys and then turning to leave the room right after.

Not before you caught the bright pink shade in his ears.

“Is it me?” You asked a little later on that very same day. “Have I done anything to upset him?”

“What are you talking about?” Asked Changbin, swinging in one of the leathered chairs.

“Minho.” You explained, waving off the surprised expressions on their faces. “I’m just wondering if I did something and if I should apologize to him.”

“Are you serious?” Han’s shocked face seemed a bit of an exaggeration, you thought. “Do you think he doesn’t like you?”

“Come on, Hannie. I’m not blind.” You shrugged, though it came off a little forced. “I just don’t want to be in bad terms with any of the members.”

You were grateful for your friendship with Chan. He was an amazing person and you were so lucky to have him in your life. His life wasn’t easy, obviously. When he wasn’t busy with schedules of an idol life, he was busy working and doing music, so it was heartwarming when he went out of his way to introduce you to the others, especially to 3RACHA. Changbin and Han had welcomed you from day one, and you rarely felt so immediately comfortable around people you had just met, like it happened with them. You met the other boys a couple times, and even ended up hanging out with Hyunjin and Felix once or twice. They were wonderful, you knew, and you also were highly aware of the importance the group had to them.

Your heart ached watching what true love and acceptance looked like.

And because you knew how much each of them meant to each other, you started worrying about Minho. What if Minho didn’t like you? What would it mean to Chan, and the others? You didn’t expect everyone to love you, obviously, but you hoped to hold a neutral image at least. What if you couldn’t? Then what?

“You haven’t done anything wrong, Y/N.” Chan said, and he pondered his words. “I can’t speak for him, but I’m sure that, with time, you’ll both get to know each other better.”

“So… does he not hate me?” You tried one last time.

Binnie’s eyes widened and Han chocked what you thought to be a laugh. “Absolutely not.” Han said, cleaning his throat. “I can assure you that.”

You rub your eyes, trying to stop a headache from forming.

In the end, it all comes back to Chris. It’s obvious that Minho cares about him, and so do you. It makes sense to unite forces for a greater cause. Kind of. It almost makes sense when you think of this as some common ground.

“Okay. Sure.” You say finally, feeling like your brain was replaced with jelly. “I’ll go.”

“Great!” Minho sounds pleased with himself, oblivious to the conflict happening inside your head. Good for him, you think bitterly. “Oh, there’s one more thing.” You grunt, but he continues. “No boyfriends allowed.”

Your body tenses and you feel your stomach drop.

This is not gonna end well.

“Minho…”

“That’s not up for discussion either. Sorry, Y/N,” He says, not sounding sorry in the least. “I don’t make the rules. Text me if you need a ride.”

“Minho, I don’t think this is a good idea.” You urge, scared he might hang up on you.

He does not. Instead, his voice becomes lower but steadier and assertive. “What is a not a good idea, Y/N?”

You take a shaky breath. “I know you don’t like Jun…” You start, but your thoughts are a mess. They stumble upon one another and the necessity of having Minho understanding inflates more and more inside your chest. He waits in silence, patiently, as you struggle to put your thoughts into coherent words. “And maybe that’s all you see, someone who you don’t like and you want to avoid. And I get that, I really do. I don’t blame you, but… But it’s not that simple, Minho.” You try to swallow the lump growing in your throat, in vain. “And you know it is not. It’s easy when you are not the one dealing with him afterwards. I know you don’t like him, but this is not the way out.”

Minho doesn’t speak for another moment and your words linger heavy in the air.

“Is that what you think?” His voice is restrained and devoid of any strong emotions. It’s difficult to know what he is feeling and you can’t help but resent him a little for it. He’s able to keep himself collected while you’re a goddamn mess. “Do you think it’s because I don’t like him?”

“I mean… Yes?” You laugh but it comes out lifeless and dry. “Come on, Minho. Are you gonna tell me you actually enjoy Jun’s company?”

“Of course not, Y/N.” He breathes out, exasperated. All the teasing and amusement from earlier are gone without a trace you could actually think you’ve imagined it all. “It’s evident I don’t like the guy. That’s not the point.”

The blunt admission doesn’t trouble you near as much as you thought it would. Rather, it’s the determination weighing in on his last sentence that makes you stagger. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m missing, Minho.”

“Don’t be sorry.” The determination is still there, along with what you think is anger. You don’t feel like you’re the target of it, though. He takes a deep breath and, when he speaks again, he chooses his words carefully. “What would happen if you came without him?”

The answer is awfully easy. The fight unfolds vividly in your mind and you look past it. You know Jun will be mad when he finds out, that he will ignore your calls and texts for weeks – maybe days, if you’re lucky. It’s not up to you anyway, since Jun appear to have his own time that changes depending on his mood. You know he will come back as if nothing happened despite that, eventually. You know that none of you will speak of it until another fight breaks out, only then might it be brought up again. Which is fine! It gives you plenty of time to worry about it in the future instead. The first few days are always the hardest, though, and the guilt is suffocating – you can feel it, even now. A chocked wry laugh comes out of your throat. How is it possible to feel guilty for something that has not even happened yet?

It’s because, you realize, the remorse doesn’t come from this specific and hypothetical scenario. The lingering heavy pressure that fills up your chest comes, alternatively, from all the other countless arguments you had throughout the past few months. These fights planted seeds of shame and guilt in your heart and watered them. The seeds bloomed into thorny vines and craved marks in your heart like carving stone.

These apprehensions run through your veins blended with your own blood. The constant fear and dread of taking too much space, of being too loud, of being selfish and a burden, they are part of you like stretch marks.

You’re aware that fights will happen regardless of what you do, but still, deliberately giving them motives feels even worse.

“I don’t want him to be mad, Minho.” You say instead, and silently wonder why you feel comfortable talking about this with Minho, when it’s something you hardly feel with yourself. “You know the picture it paints. If I went to a party where he was specifically asked not to come, that’s like cheating.” You cringe at your own words. “Kind of. I don’t know, Minho. You know what I mean, you’re not dumb. You would get mad too.”

“Of course I wouldn’t.” He states nonchalantly and it surprises you. You scoff, annoyed, but he continues. “I’m serious. You’re asking whether I’d be mad if my girlfriend went to a party with her friends without me, right?” You feel a frenetic energy growing inside you, your entire body buzz with tension. It feels wrong, forbidden. Minho, on the other hand, is still as tranquil as he has ever been, unaware of the vileness of the conversation. “If so, then the answer is no. Of course not. Thinking my partner will cheat on me only because I’m not around is kinda dumb, isn’t it? If my presence is the only thing stopping them from doing it, then why am I with them? I obviously don’t trust that person at all.”

Your heart pounds against your ribs and your breath is caught in your throat. You know Minho is not teasing you, his tone is devoid of malice, and he comes off as anything but judgmental – which makes it somehow worse. Deep inside, you wish he were disapproving, critical of you. You wish he showed disappointment and disdain for your choices and actions, anything that would sustain the twisted image you had of yourself. You wanted him to put the blame on you, right in your face, with the same fierceness he had displayed that day at the company building. You needed him to, so you could maybe start making some sense of things.

Instead, he was collecting the few convictions you had and putting them under a different light, showing you how they change and distort when viewed from other angles.

He is wrong, you feel it in your bones. He does not understand. Minho is not getting the full picture. You open your mouth to tell him, to explain what he’s so badly missing.

Nothing comes out.

If my presence is the only thing stopping them from doing it, then why am I with them? I obviously don’t trust that person at all.

You squeeze your eyes shut. He is wrong. He doesn’t understand.

“What if you don’t tell him you’re coming?” He questions, and you inhale air back into your lungs.

“What?” The night has fallen and you shiver.

“Are you seeing him on Saturday?” He asks, with a low but stern voice.

You try glimpsing inward, at the hurricane of thoughts swirling in your mind. Silently, you thank the solid wall helping you to maintain balance.

No, you're not seeing him on Saturday—at least, you haven't planned anything. Of course, you haven't. Jun went silent for over a week and only came back today. Before you could plan anything, you both ended up in a fight. There's still a chance you might make up before Saturday, though.

Actually, Jun can call you at any moment. Or not. He can call you in the next five minutes or in the next five days. He can simply show up at your place at any time, as he’s done before.

Including on Saturday.

The possibilities of things going wrong are endless.

But, obviously, you’re not saying all of that to Lee Know, so you stick with simplicity by saying, “I don’t think so.”

“Then come.” He appeals, making your heart squeeze, “And don’t tell him.”

Oh, if things were that simple. You shut your eyes, imagining how it would be to see the world through his eyes.

What would happen if he were to be standing in front of you right now? What would you see? Would you catch the same glimpse of disappointment you did that day? Would you find shame and pity in his face, when facing the mess of person you’ve become? Would you find anger and contempt?

Or would you see his face matching the softness and understanding you hear in his voice right now?

You open your eyes wide.

It made no sense. You question your own sanity.

“Why are you being nice?” You can’t help but ask. Fuck it. “It’s weird, Minho. Why would you even care?”

“The way you talk, I’m actually starting to wonder how poorly I’ve treated you.” The trace of hurt among the playfulness in his tone did not go unnoticed. “Am I this monstrous?”

“That’s not it.” You cut in quickly, your thoughts and feelings tangling to the point of becoming an unrecognizable mess.

“Y/N.” He says, and you curse the effect he has on you every time he says your name.

Why does it feel so intimate? Why does it feel so profound, like he’s reaching for the edges of your broken heart and feeling its wounds with the tip of his fingers?

But most importantly, why does he sound to be in as much pain as you are?

“You will be safe.” He says, and the certainty in his tone makes you defensive. He means well, you know, but it is hard to stop the hold back the grim laugh.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Minho.” You are safe now. Who does he think he is, implying otherwise? He knows nothing about Jun and your relationship.

He knows nothing about you.

“Sure. I probably don’t.” He dismisses, a little far-fetched, and the graveness in his voice fades away. “Anyway. Come up with a dozen theories of why I’m suddenly being nice now, I don’t mind. Actually, I’d love to hear them on Saturday, so be creative.” You want to protest, but he continues, “And save my number, for God’s sake. Is Chan’s the only number you have saved on your contact list?”

Contrasting feelings battle inside your heart and mind. You feel on the edge, like your world has been turned upside-down. The exhaustion weighs in on your shoulders, and you ache for your bed.

You look up at the sky again, allowing the darkness of nocturnal silence embrace you. It’s a shame you can’t see stars. “I actually have Bin’s and Han’s too.”

“Really?” He wheezes, untying just a little the knot of tension between you two.

“And Hyunjin’s.” You don’t know why you add.

“Now you’re just trying to hurt me.” The smile grows on your lips. “See you on Saturday.”

You hum, too tired to argue, and he hangs up.

You stare blankly at your phone. Your body is both numb and buzzing with a weird energy you can’t name. The thoughts in your head spin so quickly that, just as a Newton’s disk, a blank space is left.

A notification pops up and catches your eye.

Unknown: I really meant it when I said I’m not giving you the chance to skip this one.

Unknown: Lemme know if you need a ride.

Unknown: and save my number.

On your way back home, through bright streets and packed sidewalks, you allow your mind to wander.

Going to anywhere explicitly without Jun was a powerful statement by itself. The fact that it was with the members had an extra impact. Until now, the boys had maintained an overall neutral approach when it came to Jun (except, obviously, for Minho). This changes things, though. Could it be that the request came from Minho individually, and not from all of them? Did Chan know about it? Had he agreed with it? What if Minho was asking you to come without Jun for his own amusement, for the drill of it?

You rub your temples, finally arriving to your apartment. I’m going insane.

As you press the elevator button, one thought stands out amidst the confusion of feelings.

Why would it matter?

What would change if it were a request coming from Minho or even from Chan himself? Jun was never the biggest fan of your friends and he never tried to hide it, not once. They, on the other side, although never explicitly stated not liking Jun, always kept an overall polite approach toward him. Being honest, you’d be surprised if they had any slightly positive opinions about Jun. Could you even blame them? Could Jun blame them? What right had Jun to be upset if the people he so clearly disregarded ended up despising him back?

You step into your apartment, close the door and take off your shoes. The place is pitch dark, but you know all the corners and walls.

If, in the worst case scenario, Jun did end up throwing a tantrum, then what?

You shake your head, reluctant. It is like a big silent lake in your mind with dark and still waters – you do not wish to know what lays underneath. This train of thought is like throwing stones on the water, disturbing the unprovoked.

A resentment starts blooming in your chest, and you direct your mind toward Minho and his motives.

That is not the point, though. The voice echoes in your head.

Even though your better judgment tells you that you should not trust people this easily, still, you believe him. The resentment and anger that had barely bloomed withers, powerless.

Minho hadn’t called you for some evil plan to sabotage your relationship.

Minho called to give you a second chance.

You arrive in your bedroom and turn the lights on at last, flinching from the sudden brightness. The bedroom isn’t cramped, but looks rather small due to the expanded bed. Normally twin-sized, the bed had the structure to be pulled out and expanded, turning into a full-sized one. It looks comfier, and the messy sheets call as siren songs.

In between pillows and blankets, you sigh in relief.

There are many things you still fail to understand, that day at the company is, certainly, the biggest of them all. As time passes, you struggle more and more to make sense of what you’ve heard back then, and in other circumstances, you would’ve thought you had imagined it. Minho and his motives were just a small part of the whole picture.

In the end, one feeling stood out from the tangle: you want to make things right.

Shutting yourself away would not solving anything – in fact, it had only made things worse. It did not help you feel better with yourself. You still couldn’t think of a good way to talk to Chan and the others about it. The disappointment glazing in Minho’s eyes still haunt you to this day, hand in hand with the anger in his shouting.

And on top of all of it, there was what Minho had said on the call. He did imply that they, Chan at least, were suffering, didn’t he? Chan misses you. And it’s not just him. These two sentences kept repeating in your mind like a broken disc, being as soothing as they were painful.

How did it change things?

Could it be that, by trying to push them away so they would not get hurt, you had caused even more harm?

Certainly, there were a lot of missing pieces from this huge puzzle you were trying to solve. Regardless of that, by the time you fall asleep, you are sure of two things:

First, you want to make things right.

Second, you want to go to that party.

The days passed with no major events and you ended up not telling Jun. You weren’t entirely okay with that, as the guilt was still very much there. The sense of wrongness persisted in not telling him all of your plans and routines, especially if they didn’t include him. It was hard to shake off the feeling of betrayal, and you relied on Minho’s words for comfort more often than you were willing to admit.

Jun also had his part on making things easier. For the first time, you thanked the absence and the silence from his end. It’s easier to not speak about something when you simply don’t… well. Speak.

For once, you chose to be bold and you chose to be selfish. You would go and hang out with your friends, leaving the consequences for the future you to deal with.

It was around 5pm. You had already showered and was going through your wardrobe, thinking about what to wear. That was when your phone buzzed with a notification.

Lee Know.: I meant it when I said we are not giving you the alternative of not coming. This is not up for discussion.

Lee Know.: Lemme know if you need a ride.

Lee Know.: and save my number.

Lee Know.: I’m coming to pick you up at 6.

You rolled your eyes. I never said I needed a ride. Minho seemed to be pushing all your buttons and being very aware of that.

You: Thanks, I’ll pass. Tell me where it is and I’ll call an Uber.

The response was almost instantaneous, and made you frown.

Lee Know.: can’t. sorry.

The audacity. Two words and your felt your blood boil.

You: ??? what’s your problem?

You: I said I’m going, you don’t need to escort me.

Annoyed, you let the phone on the coffee table and marched towards your room. You chose a black romper that, even though the neckline was lower than what you would usually wear, it had long loose sleeves that made it one of your favorite pieces of clothes. It was elegant, but mainly comfortable with a very casual vibe to it. It fit the occasion. You dried your hair and put some makeup on, keeping it the simplest you could. Although Minho had called it a “party”, you had attended some of these gatherings before and you hoped it was going to be the same: just some close friends reunited in the dorms. Nothing classy and no glamour. Just a bunch of people hanging out with each other and having fun.

You picked white sneakers and went back to the living room.

You were putting the sneakers on and Minho had yet to reply. If you ended up being late, he would be the one to blame.

Between tying your shoes and cursing Minho, you heard a jingling of metal followed by the click of your front door being unlocked. Your breath was caught in your throat when you saw Jun crossing the doorstep, his gaze finally finding yours.

Fuck.

The argument unfolded unsurprisingly, but by no means coolly. It was like a scene of a movie that you’ve watched countless times and you know all the lines by heart. He flipped out about you sneaking out, as expected, but nothing came even close to the way he looked at you after you said he could not come along.

First, he was furious, thinking you were doing so to make him jealous. Then, when he understood that it was, actually, the boys themselves who asked you to come alone, he was livid.

You tried to cool it off. You explained how stressed the boys were and how this was something to distract them when comeback is so close. You tried telling him that it was something for them and by them, and that they had all the rights to invite whoever they wanted. It was understandable they wanted to keep it between actually close friends – which Jun, clearly, was not.

It had little to no effect. At least, not the one you wanted.

Between cursing and outrageous claims, Jun accused you of choosing them over him. You asked, bordering on pleading, when has it become a competition? Why does it have to be one over the other?

Tears burned on the back of your eyes as you begged for understanding, for sympathy. Jun, meanwhile, laughed wryly. I can’t tell if you’re this naïve or if you’re simply playing dumb. Almost like you both spoke different languages, and you hated how dumb you actually felt.

You like the attention. He said spilling venom, and you looked at him horrified, unable to form any words. I’m right, am I not? I’m so disappointed, Y/N.

That rang a bell in your head.

Maybe it was because you had spent even more time recently thinking back to that time in the elevator, but, even involuntarily, the comparison was inevitable. By putting that event with Minho next to the current Jun, it became obvious to you how little the latter affected you – especially when set side by side. The tears rolling down your cheeks started to dry.

So now, even as you stare at Jun’s horrified expression, like he’s just seen the most atrocious of atrocities in your phone, the fact that the quarrel happened in such a predictable way doesn’t weigh in your conscience as much as you thought it would.

Jun laughs sharply and you know that, whatever it was that Minho had the fortune to text back in the worst moment possible and catch Jun’s attention, made Jun angrier. It is pointless to argue and you don’t feel particularly angry having Jun going through your phone. When you lay back on the couch, all you feel is tiredness.

Jun speaks again but the words go past you without much solid meaning. Joke. Humiliating. Rich. Whore. He drops your phone carelessly, falling to the carpet with a muffled thump. He leaves the apartment with big and loud steps, slamming the door shut on his way out.

Seconds slowly tick by as you’re left alone in silence, the ringing in your ears reflecting the state of your own mind. You force yourself to take deep breaths, calming down your wild heartbeat at the same time that the lump in your throat starts to shrink.

When you finally reach the phone laying on the carpet, your mind is blank and you feel oddly numb. You unlock the device and find the chat with Minho already open. You tell yourself it is normal for your hands to shake.

Lee Know.: I meant it when I said we are not giving you the alternative of not coming. This is not up for discussion.

Lee Know.: Tell me if you need a ride.

Lee Know.: and save my number.

Lee Know.: I’m coming to pick you up at 6.

You: I never said I needed a ride. Tell me where it is, I’ll call an Uber.

Lee Know.: can’t. sorry.

You: ??? what’s your problem?

You: I said I’m going, you don’t need to escort me.

Lee Know.: your boyfriend. he is the problem.

You sigh heavily - God damn it, Lee Know.

At that moment, as if he was listening to your thoughts himself, the phone rings in your hands. You answer it and the words seem leave your mouth on their own accord, “He just left.”

“Where are you?” He asks, after a moment. Minho’s voice is hard, while yours is shaky. You feel exposed, and you vision blurs. You don’t want to start crying again.

“I’m home.” Your voice trembles as you sniffle. I can’t do this now. “It’s okay. Everything is fine.” You gather yourself and speak with a confidence that you both know to be a lie.

“I’m outside.” Minho tells you and it takes you a moment to understand what it meant. Outside…?

You bolt upright and dash toward the balcony, spotting him as soon as you reach the ledge. Even from several stories high up, Minho’s dark figure stands out, standing next to a black car parked across the street. When his eyes meet yours, even at this height, your heartbeat hiccups.

“Do you want me to come up there?” He questions, maintaining eye contact despite the distance.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to.” You dismiss promptly. You were confused about many things, but having Minho in your apartment at that moment sounded undoubtedly like a bad idea. “I’ll be there in five.”

“Y/N, are you sure you are okay? I can call Chan and…” Minho’s voice trails off, his glance shifting from you to something across the street. “Oh, fuck me.” He swears under his breath, so lowly you barely catch it.

“What’s up? Minho?” You bend over the ledge a little, as an attempt to see whatever caught Minho’s attention.

Then your mind connect the dots, and you feel an utter idiot for not considering it earlier.

Jun just left the apartment. It couldn’t be more than five minutes since he had slammed the fucking door behind him. Which meant that Jun was still in the building by the time you picked up the phone.

Was indeed, because you’re sure the other figure you see stepping out the main entrance right now is Jun.

Your eyes dart toward Minho again and you say, soberly and carefully. “Minho.” All the weakness from a moment ago was gone. “Don’t.”

You start hearing Jun’s voice on the background and, though you can’t tell what exactly he is saying, you don’t have to. He’s angry and you watch his figure slowly approach Minho standing as still as a statue on the other side of the street.

You turn around and run.

Jun’s voice gets gradually louder and clearer, indicating he’s getting closer. You press the elevator button anxiously multiple times, but the elevator seems to take forever to arrive. You curse it silently. You curse the elevator and the lack of technological advance to build faster elevators. You curse the building for being too high and curse yourself for not living on the first floor.

“Leave.” Minho’s voice is cold as ice and sharp as a knife and sends shivers down your spine. “You don’t wanna do this.”

Fuck it. You take the stairs.

Jumping two and more steps at a time, you fly downstairs. “Minho.” You call brethless – a beg, a plead, an order, even you can’t tell. He cannot get into trouble, especially an argument in public. If Minho is seen by anyone in public, a fan or not, and it ends up reaching the internet, he’ll be screwed. He cannot stain his image, he’s a fucking idol, for God’s sake! “Please.”

“What is your problem, dude?” You make out Jun’s words, and his bold anger is maddening. Jun should know better than to cause a scene with Minho. He needs to know better. Jun cannot be that immature.

He can’t be. Right?

But rather than the idiotic bad temper, it is the fact that you can clearly hear him now, meaning that he is closer to Minho than you thought, what really troubles you.

Hurry, hurry, hurry. Your loud footsteps echo across the staircase mixed with the sound of you panting.

“Have you not caused enough damage to that poor girl?” Jun goes on mockingly.

“Excuse me?” You hear Minho say between gritted teeth.

“I know your type, big boy. I see what you’re doing.” The proximity between them makes your stomach sink, you can hear Jun even now that he’s not shouting. “You never liked me, huh? Was it because I stole your little toy?”

You feel sick.

“I don’t like what you’re insinuating.” Minho says grimly, “And I’d ask you to not come any closer with this finger pointed.”

“Minho!” You call out again. He needs to back off now. You feel the tears burning on the back of your eyes. Where the fuck is the first floor? Faster, Y/N! Faster faster faster faster.

Jun cackle dryly. “Oh, Cut the crap. We’re not dumb, you know? We heard that little show you put on.”

Jun wouldn’t tell him that. He wouldn’t do it.

“Minho, don’t do anything!” You plead between short breaths, over Jun’s voice. Minho can’t listen to him. “I’m almost-“

The momentary lapse of focus makes you stumble upon your feet, and you let out a yelp as you stumble down. You desperately grab the handrail to stop yourself from falling. The attempt, however, is awkward and you barely manage to steady yourself as one of your foot continues its descend as the rest of your body is jerked backwards.

You find yourself laying stiffly lying on the stairs, still holding on the handrail with one of your hands. Your heartbeat is as fast as the wings of a flying hummingbird, it is stuck in your throat. You let out a breath, then follow to take multiple deep breathes as a way to slow down your heart. Still, you don’t attempt to stand up just yet, not trusting your legs to not act like jelly after the shock. You’re okay.

A moment after, you register the slam of a door being opened extremely close. A fear of having someone seeing you like this, sitting on the dirty ground of the staircase so obviously affected starts forming in your mind. Before you can articulate it, and perhaps stand up to compose yourself, Lee Know enters your line of sight. Oh, so I was on the first floor.

Damn, so close.

His eyes widen as he assimilates the scene in front of him, and you fear his eyes might pop out of his skull. He went paler by two tones at least, and you wonder how bad you look. You start reassuring him you’re fine, but when you’re about to stand up, Minho already flew and is by your side, stopping you.

“Do not move.” He takes your hand from the handrail in his, holds it for a moment, and places it on your side. You watch him as his eyes run through your body, inspecting it. Being the main focus of his attention is intense, and you shift in place, uneasy. “Did you hit your head? Your back? Do you know what your name is?”

You blink, surprised by the overflow of questions. There is something so tender about the look in his eyes that lit up an entire lighthouse in your chest. There is also a fear of someone who has seen a ghost – or went through a near death experience from falling down the stairs – and you have the urge to take his hand on yours, but you hold yourself back. The apprehension in his demeanor is something new to you and worth to note. His hair looks soft and it’s shorter than it was last time you saw him. The shade also changed, a chocolate kind of brown replaced the black – and you decide you like it just as much. Your eyes travel down to look at what he’s wearing. The black bottom-up shirt has the first and second bottom open, making you instantly shot your eyes back up. You find Minho tilting his head to the side. “Y/N?”

“Yes?” The word comes out as breathless as before, and you blame it on the fall. You cough and close your eyes, breathing in slowly. Calm down, Y/N.

“I’ve asked you a question.” Minho says, and you spot a hint of amusement in the sea of concern in his voice.

You open your eyes. “You’ve asked several questions, actually.”

He smiles softly, which works against your goal of slowing your heartbeats. “Yet, you haven’t answered not even one.”

You roll your eyes. “I’m fine.” He doesn’t say anything and keeps staring, waiting for you to go on. “Really. It was just not the most graceful of my falls, I guess.”

He cracks first and chuckles, which gets a laugh from you and soon you’re both cackling.

The laughs have calmed down when he inhales deeply, close his eyes and let his head fall back, “What the fuck were you thinking?” He breathes out. Even though he’s not looking at you, you feel the need to look down, fidgeting.

You murmur, “I was scared you could get in trouble.” It doesn’t give half the picture of what was going through your head and it sounds pathetically silly, but you don’t elaborate any further.

“So you thought that running downstairs would be a good idea?” There is a shadow of teasing in his voice. You had expected Minho to make fun of you. You could see him telling you how dumb and reckless you were, saying how even kids know they shouldn’t run when going downstairs. You expected to be blamed for something so stupid. Instead, you encounter fear when he asks lowly, “Do you have any idea how badly you could’ve been injured?”

This rough concern coming from him was unsettling – you knew he was a caring person, but he’s only shown it when it came to the other members. You had never experienced it yourself before. “What else could I do, Minho?” Your voice doesn’t falter. “What was I supposed to do? Just wait and hope you’re not seen causing a scene? Chris would kill me.”

“I was not causing a scene.” He’s bitter, and you understand. After all, he is right. He wasn’t the one adding fuel to the fire.

“Would that even matter?” Your question comes out as a plead, and for once you’re not embarrassed. You both know what you mean. You’re aware of how they have to watch even the most innocent of actions when in public. Tabloids have the power to mess with someone’s image, it doesn’t matter if they are true or not. The public doesn’t care, and neither does the company. His carrier is intrinsically involved with public image. What could happen if someone recognized him arguing with Jun, and ended up posting on the internet? Idol Lee Know, fighting with a random civilian on the street. Would it matter who was the one who started it? The company had taken severe actions for much less. “You should’ve gone back inside the car and locked the damn door.”

It’s his time to roll his eyes, but before he respond, the slam of a door echoes throughout the staircase. You tense, your gaze shifting towards the stairway. Minho, on the other hand, simply stands up, but with his eyes still fixed on you.

Jun goes up a few stairs and shortly reach both of you. “What the hell?!” He shouts at Minho, spotting him first. Minho doesn’t acknowledge his presence. “What the fuck is wron-“ He follows Minho’s stare only to find you and, probably thrown off by the strange image of you half sitting half laid on the floor of a public staircase, Jun’s behavior shifts. The aggression is replaced by concern and confusion “Oh my God, Y/N. Are you okay?” He mentions to step closer towards you, but Minho blocks his passage with an arm. You see Jun’s face getting red with anger again. “Who do you think you are?! She’s my girlfriend!”

Although Jun storms at Minho, the latter doesn’t even glance at his direction. Instead, you find Minho searching for your eyes – and when they do find them, you don’t think of your heart skipping a beat. Somehow, you understand the silent question in his gaze: he wants to know from you whether he should allow Jun to come closer or not.

It makes your heart swell.

You don’t want Minho to give in – you don’t want yourself to give in. Although it shouldn’t be some kind of competition of who has more power over who, you think. First, to get some of your dignity back, you should at least look at them in the eye. You grip on the handrail once more and propel your body upward, rising to your feet.

At least you did, for a brief second. Then, you’re taken by a sudden strike of pain that hit your right ankle like a lightening. You cry out and collapse to the floor again – or you would, if it wasn’t for Minho. Before you know it, Minho has one arm around your body and pulls you closer to him. Leaning on him, you regain your balance and stand on one foot – the one not hurting.

“Are you okay?” He asks lowly as he stares down at your feet.

“Yes.” You breathe out and follow his gaze. “Fuck. Shit. It wasn’t hurting before. I swear.” You look at him apologetically, and you don’t understand the need to apologize.

“I know, Y/N.” He meets your eyes and soothes your side with the hand steading you for a moment. “It’s okay. Let’s take you to the hospital.”

You shake your head anxiously, “It’s fine. We’ll be late if we don’t leave.”

“I can take her.” Jun chimes in with a hint of smugness, reminding both of you of his unfortunate presence.

“I don’t need to be taken anywhere.” You snap at him and unconsciously try to step back from Minho. The pain shots through your body once again and you clench your teeth, instantly leaning back on him again.

Minho lets out an annoyed sigh. Suddenly, he lifts you up and holds you bridal-style. “Ya! I can walk!” You squeal, ignoring the butterflies in your stomach and the increasing warm on your cheeks.

“I’m sure you can. But as you said it yourself, we’ll be late if we don’t leave and we don’t have much time.” He says, turning around. You see Jun’s shocked look, and becoming more and more horrified after Minho says, “If you excuse us, you’re in the way.”

“I said I can take her. You can go on and meet your friends.” Jun doesn’t hide the venomous intent.

“Oh, I will.” Minho replies, indifferently. “With her. Now, move.”

Both yours and Jun’s faces get redder and redder, but you guess it’s from different emotions. “Or what?” He growls, and it sends a shiver down your spine. It’s gone too far. This bickering went too far. You want to apologize, to clarify things. You open your mouth and nothing comes out – you don’t know what to apologize for. You almost say “It’s not what you think!”, but you realize it sounds as idiotic as not saying anything.

“I’ve been told to keep myself away from problems, and, as you can see, my hands are quite busy.” You groan quietly, and hides your face on Minho’s shirt. Slightly bad choice – his scent wraps around you like a blanket, and you become hyperaware from the steady thud coming from his chest, far slower than yours. Oh my God, can he feel my heartbeat? “So I’m afraid we’ll have to stand here for hours just staring at each other’s faces. It doesn’t sound much fun, does it?” Minho tilts his head to one side, “Although my face is way more pleasant to look at.”

You tug Minho’s shirt, “Minho. That’s enough.” Jun makes an outraged noise, and you exasperate, “Come on, Jun. Stop being childish, you two. Can we go, please?” The last request, directed at Minho, comes out way softer than the rest and you feel your face burning once more.

In disbelief, Jun steps aside. As Minho passes by him, you murmur a sincere apology. You feel Minho’s shoulder tense, but he doesn’t stop walking.

Jun doesn’t follow you outside the building. Minho crosses the street toward the parked car in silence. There is a tension in the air, and you know he is angry. Minho is definitely mad at Jun, for being an ass, but you feel he is mad at you too. The silence is intimidating, though, and you don’t dare to break it.

When he reaches the car, he shifts his hold onto you to just an arm for a brief moment, enough so he could open the car door. He does it so smoothly you could’ve missed. Gently, he places you on the passenger seat, pushing the seat backwards to give you plenty of space to stretch your leg.

His hands hover for a moment, hesitantly, but before you can ask, he removes them and let them fall on his sides in closed fists. Minho’s expression is grave, and you can almost see the gears spinning in his head. He inhales deeply and runs his fingers back on his hair.

When he comes to look at you again, the somberness is gone. He’s locked his thoughts and emotions somewhere far away inside his mind and if you had one wish, it’d be for you to have the key.

Although his voice is soft, it feels somehow forced. “Are you comfortable? Does anything else hurt?”

“I am fine, I promise.” You shift anxiously on the leather fancy seat, “Extremely comfortable.” You add, giving him both thumbs up and a smile.

He scoffs dryly, though some tension washed off his body. Pleased with easing things a little, you think that, perhaps, leaving with Minho and then going to the party to meet you friends again doesn’t have to be so painfully awkward. Things are fine, you think. There is a big chance that the awkwardness exists only in your head, that it might not be the same to the others. Maybe, hanging out with them will be as natural as it always was. Maybe, they don’t hate you. Maybe, things will be alright.

After all, they are your friends. You don’t need to be on the edge.

You thought Minho was going to close your door and walk to the driving seat. Instead, out of nowhere, he comes closer, hovering over you. You yelp and hold your breath, dizzy by the unexpected and definitely not usual proximity. His perfume hasn’t left you yet. His side profile is so close that you can see all the small dots on his skin. You want to caress it. Your eyes move to his long dark eyelashes. You’re jealous. You are amazed by how sharp his features are, and you wonder if it would be weird to have your fingers tracing his jaw. Then his cheekbones. Then his nose.

Then his lips.

“Found it.” He whispers to himself. Suddenly, your backseat reclines a little and you’re caught by surprise. “Is it better?” He finally turns to face you. Still close, but not as close as before, you’re sure it doesn’t take much to notice the flushed mess you are. You feel you were caught doing something very, very bad. And wrong. Oh my God, so wrong.

You shake your head, trying to shoo the wicked thoughts away. When you look your eyes, though, you feel your sanity slipping through every crack in your mind as a smirk grows on Minho’s lips. “I asked you a question, Y/N.”

God help me.

All you manage to do is nod once, gaining a hum in satisfaction from him. He backs away and close your door, and you watch him walk around the car and enter on the driver’s side. You close your eyes and take deep breaths, trying to calm down the pounding inside your chest. He puts his seatbelts on and you wait for him to start the engine. There is a moment of silence, forcing you to open your eyes.

Minho is staring at you. With an eyebrow raised and failing to hold back a smile, he looks at you with curiosity. You look at him back, challenging. “What?”

“Seatbelts, Y/N. Or should I put them on too?” He teases, and your eyes open wide. Definitely not. Shortly you are fastening your seatbelt as Minho finally gives up on holding back and laughs. You cross your arms and curse him under your breath, while he starts the engine and pull off.

A few minutes later, the car dashboard signalizes Minho is receiving a call. Involuntary, you glance at the screen at the same moment Minho takes the call. It’s Chris.

“Yes, Hyung?”

“Hey, are you on your way? Did you get Y/N?” Chan’s voice comes through the speaker. Your heart aches a little, realizing how long it has been since you started avoiding them, and how much you missed the casualty and warmth.

“I don’t think we can make it, Chan-hyung. Y/N probably got a sprained ankle or something of the sort.” You catch Minho’s eyes shifting from the road to your stretched leg just for a moment. “I’m taking her to the hospital.”

“To the hospital?!” Chan’s surprised squeal makes you blush, embarrassed for causing trouble even now. “Oh my Gosh. I’m gonna kill that dickhead. That was him, wasn’t it? That fucker I will-”

The sudden shift from surprise to anger caught you off guard. You open your mouth to say something, but the words don’t come.

“It was not the dickhead, for the matter.” Minho cuts the flow of cursing off. “Also, you’ll like to know we’re in the car right now.” He adds quickly, at the same time you try to think of something to say. “She can hear you.”

Chan audibly chokes and coughs. “Oh, fuck. Sorry.” He manages to say, cleaning his throat. “I’m sorry. Hi Y/N.”

He’s obviously embarrassed, which makes you feel slightly better. “Hi Channie.”

“You should’ve started saying that, Minho.” Chan says, lowly, and a smile grows in your lips once more when Minho murmurs something under his breath. “Are you okay, sweetheart? What happened?”

His soft voice was enough to dismantle any kind of discomfort, you thought. “I’m okay.” You start.

“She fell downstairs.” Minho chimes in, and you shoot an angry look at him, which he ignores bluntly. “She thought it would be a great idea to run down several stories of stairs, like a damn child.” Minho says wryly, keeping his eyes on the road. “She’s lucky it’s not anything more serious.”

“I was trying to save your ass!” You protest.

“My ass did not need to be saved.” He states.

“Oh, sure.” You roll your eyes. “Clearly you were not about to jump at my boyfriend’s throat. I wasn’t even there and I could tell.”

“Excuse me?” His voice falters with anger and he scoffs, “I was about to jump at his throat? I think you might mistaking the parties here, dear.”

You ignore the pet name and point your finger at him. “You should’ve gone back inside the car the moment you saw him and you know it.” His eyes travel from the road, to your face, then to your finger and back to your face.

“Are you actually pointing a finger at me right now?” He raises his eyebrows and turns his eyes back to the road. Heat spreads in your cheeks and you recoil your hand.

“Should I ask or…?” Chan speaks up hesitantly.

“No.” Minho says fiercely and you huff, crossing your arms across your chest and looking away.

“You didn’t get into trouble, right, Minho?” Chan asks again.

“Of course not.”

“You’re welcome.” You chime in, grimly, and you don’t face away when Minho shoots an angry look at you.

“Good to know you two are getting along.” Chan offers, with a hint of fun in his tone.

You gasp and utter “We are not getting along.”

At the same time, Minho says nonchalantly, “A hundred percent.” You stare at him in disbelief, but he refuses to glance back at you.

“Do you think it’s serious, Minho?” Chan asks and the shift in his voice is so abrupt that, for a moment, you don’t know what he is referring to.

You catch Minho’s eyes shifting from the road to your legs again, and you feel the growing heat in your cheeks. You’d give anything to go back in time and choose some jeans or anything that covered your legs instead.

“It’s probably just a strained ankle, hyung.” He glances away and you shift anxiously.

“I am fine.” You say, exasperated. “I even told him we should head to the dorms instead.”

“That’s because you’re stubborn, not fine.” Chan cuts you, and you see the corner of Minho’s mouth turning up. “Keep me updated, Minho. We’ll talk later.” Minho agrees monosyllabically and hangs up.

Minho stays quiet during the rest of the ride. You risk one or two glances in his direction, but he seems to remain unaware, his attention fixed on the traffic. Sometimes, you catch his jaw clenched, and he holds the wheel so tightly for a moment that his knuckles go white.

But here's the thing: besides these small and subtle gestures, his expression remains painfully plain. It's puzzling, and it intrigues you against your will. You keep telling yourself that not only do you not care, but also it has nothing to do with you. The man would probably not even make the effort to reply if you asked, or maybe you'd hear a 'None of your business,' if he felt like it.

After a moment, you decide that you don't mind. You reach for the air to ask what's bothering him, to seek permission for a glimpse into his inaccessible mind, but you exhale right after. The question dies on your tongue when he takes a turn, and the large white building emerges.

Maybe for the best.

He parks swiftly, quickly turning the car off and getting off. When you turn to open your own door, he’s already standing outside and doing it first.

“Should I get a wheelchair?” Minho tries, hesitant, his hands dance on the air unsure of what to do.

A short laugh escapes you before you can stop it. “It’s not necessary, Minho.” You mention to get off and, when he offers his help, you accept it. “Thank you, it’s okay. I’m sure I can handle it.”

He holds your hand with one hand, while the other presses your back giving you balance. Minho doesn’t answer right away and when you look up, he has a confused look on his face. He blinks once, then twice, assimilating your words. “What?” You can’t help but ask.

“I’m not leaving.” He declares, and it’s your turn to blink confusedly.

“Chan is waiting for you.” You explain, firming your weight to your good foot.

“Yes.” He moves to your side still holding your hand firmly, while having his other hovering on your back. “And for you too. So let’s go inside.”

You don’t move, still staring at him. “You’re going inside with me? You don’t have to.”

A soft smile blooms shyly on Minho’s lips. “Silly. You can barely stand. Shall we?”

A feeling of déjà vu fills your chest, and you shove it back inside. You let him guide you into the hospital, scolding yourself silently for finding yourself in front of this building with Lee Know by your side more often than you deemed appropriate.

#skz fanfic #stray kids fanfic #stray kids x reader #lee know fanfic #lee minho fanfic #lee know x reader

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