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justfangirlthingies · 3 years

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The prince of lies (Loki x reader)

Soulmate AU: Every time your soulmate lies, their words are permanently written on your skin

Word count: 3140 Words

I think this is the last Soulmate one that I have on Wattpad as of right now

Father is dead. Your banishment... The threat of a new war...it was too much for him to bear. You mustn't blame yourself. I know that you loved him. I tried to tell him so, but he wouldn't listen.

The truce with Jotunheim is conditional upon your exile

Mother has forbidden your return

This is goodbye brother, I'm so sorry

Perhaps your senses have weakened after your many years of service

I'M NOT YOUR BROTHER I NEVER WAS!

I don't know what happened on earth to make you so soft! Don't tell me it was that woman?... Oh, it was. Well, when we're done here, maybe I'll pay her a visit myself!

You're not

(etc. more lies)

Lies...

Every single one of them. How did you know? Well, because they were printed all over your body.

Every single lie your soulmate ever told up until now graced your (s/c) skin.

How was a liar like that supposed to be a soulmate for you? Someone you could trust?

Yes, your so called soulmate would never be able to lie to you, for as soon as he tried the lie would appear on your skin. Had they only been some minor white lies, that would've probably been fine by you, but looking at the severity of those lies you could only shake your head in disbelief and sorrow for whoever had received those news.

Now ignoring the fact that those statements were lies, there were other aspects that made absolutely no sense. Those you had already researched quite a bit . Jotunheim for a start was a mythical place and the lies stated that apparently the liar and his brother were not from earth, which was complete nonsense was it not? Otherwise he had to be some kind of alien.

You were interrupted in the middle of your thought-process.

I missed you too

A new lie, gracing your forearm. Though this one seemed rather small and harmless, this man was still lying through his teeth and you had to carry every single one of those lies. How often had you been asked why your body was full of lies. Yet you never had an answer to those questions. He was your soulmate, even if he was a liar he had to be good somewhere, right?

Aliens and beings from other worlds did exist though. Thor the god of thunder and the events of New York city. Did they have soulmates as well? They had to, otherwise the statements on your features made even less sense.

But who?

Who would lie so much?

The thoughts in your head kept floating around as you got ready to meet up with your friend Anthony.

You started walking to a nearby park. Your usual meeting point, as you felt yet another familiar tingle. Pushing it to the back of your head in hopes of ignoring it, you kept walking towards your friend and hugged him "It's good to see you" you smiled but only got a confused stare in return "What?" "You uh...got a new one there, a long one." A sigh escaped your lips at the reply of Anthony. "Well, where? And does it at least make sense?" Your friend just shook his head as he took a picture of the lettering on your collarbone "No, but here. Maybe you can understand some of this. It looks like sarcasm this time." He gave you his phone to look at the picture. Great another one.

Wait? Sarcasm? One thing you had to give your soulmate credit for were his snarky remarks, at least those sometimes put a smile on your face. You zoomed in on your collarbone as you read what was engraved on the previously clear space of (s/c) skin.

You know this is wonderful! This a tremendous idea! Let's steal the biggest most obvious ship in the universe and escape in that! Flying around the city, smash it into everything in sight and everyone will see it! It's brilliant Thor! It's truly brilliant...

Thor?! You could not believe your eyes. Whoever your soulmate was knew Thor. It was a shock and a relief as well. If he was friends with this god he couldn't be so bad, could he? You did however, question why Thor would spend time, let alone steal some kind of spaceship with this person.

"I see. I can't say I understand what it's about, but whoever this liar of mine is, seems to be friends with Thor..." The words left your mouth as you handed the phone back to your dear friend. The two of you sat down on a wooden bench underneath a tree, but when you heard Anthony speak up, your mind went blank "He could also be Thor's brother, doesn't that one lie a lot?" It took you a few moments to fully comprehend what he meant "No, that'd be impossible, that man is sitting behind bars for the rest of his life. Besides, that guy is evil. My soulmate could never possibly be a bad person." that last part was a lie. Your soulmate was a liar, he could easily be a bad person, you just hoped with all your might that he wasn't"

■ ■ ■

"Trust my rage" the god of mischief spoke. Just as he had finished his sentence he felt a tingle on his wrist. A rare occasion if it was a real lie, usually it was just a sarcastic comment which most of the time he enjoyed quite a bit. These sarcastic statements often caused a small smile to appear on his face, the few nice moments that made the time in his cell more bearable, not only did he find them funny and witty, they also stood for his soulmate, for someone that was destined for him and also that he was a perfect fit for whoever this soulmate was. He looked at his bare wrist expectantly, waiting for one of the snarky remarks that his soulmate had spoken to appear. When it did appear though, it broke his heart. His cold expression fell for a second as he looked at the writing on his wrist. Quickly regaining his cold exterior before anyone would notice. It was too late though. His brother had seen the trickster's face falter just in time and he had also seen what Loki was staring at. Before the raven-haired could pull his hand back he felt it had already been grabbed "Let go of me Thor!"

"Brother, just let me see!" Thor replied loudly, he wanted to know what this was about. Loki looked away in shame as he let his brother read what his soulmate had said. My soulmate could never possibly be a bad person. As he finished reading he loosened his grip on the other's hand, allowing Loki to finally pull his hand back "I'm sorry" he muttered. "They think I'm a monster too..." The black haired god whispered as he sat down in the small ship, his stone cold exterior dropping by the second. Was a soulmate not meant to understand? Was there really no hope for him?

"Loki..."

"Stop it. Don't pity me for something that's my own fault!" he screamed. He just needed a moment to calm down.

■ ■ ■

"How is this possible? How do I deal with this? I can't just ignore it can I? No" before you knew it you found yourself in front of a massive building. Stark tower. Your (e/c) eyes stared at the monument in awe, but you soon shook your head in order to resume your task. "Enter the tower and talk to the avengers on how to communicate with Thor. You have to do this because Thor knows your soulmate..." you repeated in your head as you entered the building...

...or so you thought.

In the blink of an eye you were consumed by light and gone from where you stood. Was that some kind of security system Stark invented?

Your eyes fluttered open just to see some old man on a throne before your sight went black and your body dropped to the ground unconscious.

■ ■ ■

"Are you certain Heimdall?" the king asked, looking at the unconscious human, who was now dressed to fit the Asgardian culture. He was inspecting some of the tattoos on their body "You were right they definitely are his soulmate. Though they seem to be a rather honest person, for Loki does not have as many markings on him. As far as I know at least"

What were they talking about? Who were these people, why did they speak of you in a connection to Loki, it made no sense. None at all. You tried to look like you were still passed out.

But apparently you failed in your acting. "The human is awake" a different voice spoke. Maybe it belonged to this Heimdall person.

A sigh of defeat left your lips as you opened your eyes. You tried to take in your surroundings when suddenly, your eyes went wide from the sensation on your skin.

You sighed as you waited for the writing to appear on one of your upper arms. "Oh boy this is a long one" You muttered underneath your breath, but it seems Odin had heard, for he raised an eyebrow as his eyes followed your gaze to your arm which you had uncovered from the strange clothing you were dressed in. The king had taken a hold of your arm to read your words.

You really think I cared about Frigga? About any of you? All I ever wanted was you and Odin dead at my feet! Malekith! I am Loki of Jotunheim and I bring you a gift! I ask only one thing in return, a good seat from which to watch Asgard burn.

"Fools!" Odin shouted.

Meanwhile you thought your eyes were about to pop out of their sockets as you tried to comprehend the meaning behind those words. The only thing you could focus on however, was the name etched in your skin. His name. Loki.

Your thoughts were interrupted when the Allfather spoke up again "Send guards to Svartálfheimr and retrieve my sons! Bring the Aether back if it's still there!"

His sons?

It was at that moment. Realisation hit you like a bus. You were in Asgard and this man before you had to be Odin then. Your brows furrowed. Why were you here? How did you get here?

"Come. You must have many questions." The king said as you got up and followed him "I am Odin of Asgard. Tell me child what is your name?" "M-my name is (Y/n) (L/n). How-how did I get here?" you stuttered as you looked around still walking. "I gave orders to bring you here" He replied casually.

■ ■ ■

The Jotun prince laid on the ground panting as his brother cradled him in his strong arms "No. No, no, no. Oh, you fool, you didn't listen." "I know." Loki spoke, his voice quiet and weak "I'm a fool. I'm a fool." he gasped in pain. "Stay with me, okay?" The god of thunder spoke close to tears as he pat the other's face to keep him conscious. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" the young god apologized gasping for air but he was quickly shushed by his brother "shhh...it's okay" Thor nodded as tears welled up in his blue eyes. "It's all right. I'll tell father what you did here today" He spoke again the tears now making their way down his cheeks. "I didn't do it for him" The raven haired spoke calmly. As he took his dying breath he spoke his last words "Tell them, I didn't want to be a monster" Just like that the god closed his eyes and went limp in his brother's arms. "NOOO!" Thor shouted in pain and hugged Loki. "I will find them and tell them in your stead brother" He whispered into the other's ear before he let go and left with Jane. Loki's limp body was left in the sand and dirt.

■ ■ ■

"I take it, you know who your soulmate is, judging by your reaction. It must certainly be hard to carry all the lies of the god of mischief and lies" Odin raised his eyebrow. "I have heard quite a few stories about him indeed." You replied taking a sip of your tea. You were seated in the throne room across from Odin as he tried to answer some of your questions.

In the middle of your conversation a guard entered and as soon as he spoke up you felt a burning and tingling just underneath your chest.

"Forgive me my liege. I've returned from the Dark World with news. " The guard spoke.

"Thor?" Odin asked with hope. The guard dropped his head a bit at that "There was no sign of Thor or the weapon, but..." As soon as the man spoke up again the tingling began once again in the same place as before. "What?" the Allfather asked.

The tingles continued "We found a body."

Silence filled the air for a moment before Odin spoke "Loki"

The guard just looked at his king with sad eyes. The burning had stopped. "Thank you. Bring this one..." The old king pointed at you "...to Heimdall. Tell him to return them to Midgard. Then you may be dismissed for the day."

Your chin dropped as the guard nodded and turned to you. Oh now you were definitely not going to tell the god that Loki was alive and lying. He grabbed you roughly and brought you out of the throne room and to another room, the room you had woken up in. "Gather your belongings mortal before you return to Midgard." Midgard? Was that what they called earth. As the guard was about to close the door you shouted after him "Mister guard man! Wait!" He raised an eyebrow at you, seemingly amused, but he waited for you to speak nonetheless and so you did "Loki can't be dead." He stared at you confused "Well he is."

Another tingle. This time on your finger, but you ignored it for now seeing as you were focused on the conversation you were having "No. I don't think you understand. I-I know he is alive. I can feel it." A small smile was placed on your lips as the man before you began to laugh, he seemed curious though "And how would a little mortal like you know that? Oh you feel it, of course"

"I-I don't know how I know" That was a lie for you did know why and how "I just know." You finished, he seemed distracted though. While the guard was distracted you took a moment to look at the side of your pinkie finger. "No." You mumbled when you realized the man before you was your soulmate, disguised as a guard. "What?" The man asked. "Nothing" you lied, a small smile on your lips. You were scared yes, but he wouldn't hurt his own soulmate, now would he? "Would you please come in and close the door Loki?~" You asked innocently.

His eyes went wide, confused as to how a simple human like you could look through his disguise with such ease. So he complied. He didn't really have a choice now. As he closed the door, he dissolved his disguise. Green smoke surrounded the man as Loki the trickster god stood before you now. He was stunning. Yes there was a deep hatred for this man inside you, but he did something good today and you hadn't met him before. Well not personally, you had however seen him on TV as he tried to take over the world, you had heard he was under some kind of mind control though. "You are a curious little thing, aren't you?" Loki spoke as he approached you "Who are you and how did you know it was me mortal?"

You grinned "I'm no one important to you" Your smile widened as you noticed him being distracted again. You watched in awe as your statement appeared on the back of his hand.

The black haired god stared at you in disbelief "No...no no no no. How? That's not possible" Before you realized what was happening he was already too close for comfort. He grabbed one of your arms and shoved up your sleeves. Perhaps your senses have weakened after your many years of service. Disbelief filled Loki's eyes as they pierced your own gaze. He let go of your hand as some kind of hatred but also hope filled his eyes "You hate me. You think I'm a monster." He spoke with clenched teeth. He was trying to compose himself, to seem calm, but you easily looked through his disguise. "I do not" You replied, your (e/c) eyes were soft as you looked at him. He stood there, waiting for the tingling and burning somewhere on his pale body. But the feeling never came. You had been truthful. "I know better than to lie to my soulmate." The words escaped your throat before you could even think. "Why did you say it then?!" The god growled. "Said wha-" The mischievous man cut you off "My soulmate could never possibly be a bad person" he quoted your lie "what changed?"

"I-I" you were speechless "I said that, knowing that anyone could be my soulmate, I tried to convince myself to see things positively. I did not know it would affect you as it was about soulmates in general. I am sorry for causing you pain Loki"

"So you don't think I'm a bad person?" he asked, turning your words around "I do know of the bad things you did. You tried to take over my home. I cannot confirm that you are a completely bad person though. I-I don't know you well enough to judge. For I try to build my opinion when I get to know people myself, even if this person is the prince of lies. Besides, you can't be too bad if you are my soulmate, at least not towards me" You grinned, reaching out your hand for him to shake "I'm (Y/n) by the way."

Loki looked at your hand, a smirk on his lips as he held your hand in his and brought it up to his lips to press a small kiss against the back of it. His eyes never leaving yours as a blush took over your features "It is a pleasure to meet you (Y/n). My name is Loki and I do not think I'll send you off to Midgard just yet, if ever..." The last two words were not meant for you to hear but you did. "Before we get to know each other better my soulmate~" he smirked "I have to take care of my father and brother." He turned around and walked towards the door "You stay here for now" the man winked at you before he turned himself into the guard again and left the room.

#soulmate au #soulmate #loki #marvel #loki god of mischief #loki soulmate au #loki x y/n #lokix reader #loki x you #loki imagine #marvel imagine #mcu #marvel x reader #marvel soulmate #loki x reader soulmate

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yesimwriting · 3 years

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Searing Starlight (chapter 3)

A/n I CANNOT believe how many people have supported this story,, I’m so excited to continue it with you guys :))

Just a reminder that while this is based off the show i hope to blend in some book aspects/vibes and this is just a fanfic and it won’t be completely accurate/follow the show 100% and any changes I make/parts I chose not to focus on are for the sake of the story I’m trying to tell

I can’t tell if I wish Kaz had let me go with Inej or not. She’s faster than I am, and considering that I have no real reason to be loyal to them, I’m a flight risk. That means I’m stuck here with only the Kaz Brekker and Jesper, who I tricked. I hadn’t exactly befriended Inej entirely in the few minutes I was alone with her, but she seemed more trustworthy than them. More susceptible to reason. And when she heard where I was from, who was responsible for raising me, something in the way she watched me changed. It was the oddest combination--a look of both tired sympathy and cautious admiration.

“What I don’t understand…” Jesper breaks the silence. “Is why you all go back there. He lets you leave, he gives you money--there’s no reason to return.”

I try not to let the question anger me. I shift awkwardly, scratching at my palm. “We tried leaving.” My stomach knots. “Once.” How do I make them understand? “He caught us because we young and stupid, and then he…” I exhale slowly. They’re just words. They don’t change anything. Whether I speak them or not, the events of my history aren’t different. “He picked the youngest, a girl only six months younger than me, and he slit her throat from ear to ear and took a finger of anyone that flinched as her blood splattered onto them. He said her blood was our penance and to live with knowing what we did to her would be our punishment.”

I don’t tell them that I was twelve. I don’t tell them Anya lied about my birthday on the records. I don’t tell them I’m missing the very tip of my pinky--a small punishment for the twitch of my lip. “When Kenya is truly angry, he never hurts you--he hurts those around you.” No one responds to that. They’re making me seem like such a bummer. “It’s not awful all the time...he borders on agreeable when you listen to him.”

Most days we have peace, left to our own devices as long as we accomplish certain goals. Their silence does little to unnerve me. After speaking so freely of such a nightmare, the desire to be rid of the taste of those words from my mouth is almost overwhelming, but I hold to the silence.

“Why has he never sold you to the grisha that are so desperate for you?”

Of course Kaz Brekker would ask a question like that. “He isn’t the business of money, he’s in the business of creating gods. He indentures people he thinks could one day become saints or something else entirely. He wants to be owed by the heavens.”

I watch Kaz carefully, a part of me curious about how someone like him could react to a goal like that. I can see him understanding the ambition of it all, but I can’t imagine himself a person of faith. Perhaps he’ll think it a clever trick. Perhaps he’ll even agree with Kenya.

He nods once; something I get nothing from.

Whatever. He can be coy and distant this entire time. They all can. I’ll be out of here soon enough, and I’ll find Anya. And if I can stop something bad from happening to Alina then that’s a bonus I’m willing to take risks for.

“That man is awful.”

Inej’s voice comes from right behind me. I snap my head around. “You’re in here.”

She nods once, oblivious to how shocking her sudden appearance is. She hands me a knapsack casually, staring at Kaz. “What’s the plan? We have six hours.”

I look around the room, only seeing one closed window and one closed door. “There’s one door in this room.”

“We take the Inferni to the ship.” He doesn’t even bother looking in my direction.

Okay, they can be mean to be all they want but they can’t ignore me. I don’t think I’ve ever been ignored in my entire life. Gods in the making get attention. It may be the cruel attention of fate, but it’s something.

“Did she come in through the window?”

Again, I am ignored.

“And then what, boss?” Jesper casually crosses the room, sitting down next to me on the small couch. It’s like I’m not even here. “We’d need to break into the Little Palace to get Alina.”

What? “You guys are going to--” No. No. I am not kidnapping Alina. And there’s no way she’d be in the Little Palace. “First off--if you want to kidnap Alina Starkov for whatever insane ploy you’re all playing at, you’d never find her at Little Palace. She’s not a Grisha and second--” I cut myself off, standing from my seat. “Why am I even telling you this? I shouldn’t be helping you kidnap her.”

Kaz’s eyes dart to me boredly. At least it’s some kind of acknowledgement of my existence. “I thought you two weren’t close.”

I seriously consider scorching him. Just a little. Not even enough to scar him, just enough to get him to shut up. “She’s still a person who has a right to her body and what happens to it.”

“Not that it’s any of your concern, but if we pull this off we get one million kruge.”

What does he think I’m going to say? ‘Okay, well as long as you’re doing it for a good reason.’ Is that the response he expects. “Okay, well that makes it fair.”

His eyes narrow skeptically, but Jesper is the one to ask, “Really?”

“No,” I scoff, slumping back into my seat, “I was being sarcastic.”

I drop my head back, neck craning over the back of the small couch. It isn’t exactly comfortable, but at least it makes it easier to ignore them. I’ve kept worse company for less. There’s an odd silence for a long second. I look forward without moving, I see Kaz vaguely gesture in Inej’s direction.

“Y/n,” Inej’s voice is refreshingly measured, “I think after the kinds of things we’ve gone through we understand that there’s some relativity in morality.”

I shift my head to the right so I can look at her. “...Yes, but you’re just forcing another girl into a similar situation.” Why is Alina even worth so much? “And why would anyone pay so much for Alina?”

Inej hesitates, glancing at Kaz and then back at me. “She’s a Sun Summoner.”

On instinct, I straighten entirely, my body rigid. They’re insane. “You all are cracked if you think Alina’s a Sun Summoner.” No. No. It couldn’t be her. “Bless your hearts, seriously, she’s--she was trained to be a map maker--she’s not…” None of them relax, none of them shift in any way. What good would lying about this bring them? They have no reason to lie about this. “Saints, I should have had more to drink while downstairs.”

So what if she’s a Sun Summoner? She didn’t ask to be one. She doesn’t deserve this. I cross my arms. “It doesn’t make this okay.”

“And would it make it okay if you were getting a cut of the profit?” What?

Kaz is looking at me in that tactful way. It takes all of my focus to not let myself become unnerved. “What?”

“If I offered you a cut, would you be able to push aside more protests in order to make working with you easier?”

Could I do it? Could I betray Alina? I drop my gaze away from his, opting to focus on the forgotten lantern on the coffee table in front of me. It flickers to life with no conscious prompting on my part. The flame is low and blue. Still though, Kaz notices it. What doesn’t he notice?

“I can help you do what I agreed to.” I swallow around a lump in my throat, “But I cannot help you kidnap Alina.”

The corner of his mouth tugs downwards. “We’re just going to get her to work with us.”

“Work with you?”

“We never said anything about taking her, and if Alina is really your friend you should know that the entire world is after her. Better us who can get her out of an unwanted situation quickly than the brutal General Kirigan who will hold her hostage until she does what he wants.”

...I guess he has a point. “Oh.” I’m not naive enough to think that their methods will revolve around making Alina comfortable, but perhaps it’s not as dark as I assumed. “Maybe I was a little quick to assume…” I trail off awkwardly, looking at Inej for some type of reassurance. She avoids my gaze.

I scratch the back of my arm, feeling like a spiraling child. I pick up my knapsack and place it on my lap, fiddling with the strap.

“Come on,” Kaz stands, adjusting his grip on his cane, “We only have until sunrise.”

As I stand, I pull down the skirt of my dress, suddenly aware of how inappropriate my clothing is for this late in the night. “Can--can I change first?”

It’s a sheepish question, leaving me feeling like a child.

“Five minutes,” Kaz offers, stepping out of the room with the rest of them.

Inej leaves last, feet more silent than a cat. She offers me the tiniest hint of a smile. Despite my reservations, I beam at her. Something about me finds her politeness endearing despite it all. I think she closes the door loudly on purpose, to assure me of privacy.

Normally changing in a building so full of drunk men would leave me nervous, but knowing Inej is outside leaves me feeling safe. I may not trust her with my life but something about her being tells me she values personal autonomy enough to protect it.

I sift through the belongings Inej brought me. Clean underwear I try not think of her searching for, a thin white dress, comfortable pants, shorts, a few casual shirts, my red hood, and a nightgown. When I get to the bottom of the bag, and I see the personal belongings Inej smuggled back for me, I’m moved so powerfully my hand flies to my mouth on instinct. She had brought the folded up piece of paper with the only information I’ve been able to find about Kamil, the book I left on my nightstand, the small candle holder Alina had given me the day before I was taken away, the blade Mal had given me the day I left, the deck of playing cards Anya had first taught me to play with, and my mother’s necklace. The silver north star on a long chain.

Before I can become too emotional, I take off the Crow’s Club T-shirt Inej had given me when I looked cold. I change into black pants, tucking the small blade Mal had given me into the pocket. The shirt I put on is pale blue, breaking the dark theme of everything around me. I fasten my red hood over my shoulders, basking in the familiar fabric. Lastly, I pull the north star necklace over my head, watching the blue orb with a black dot at its center blink at me in the light. I always found the stone at the pendant’s center odd. I'm quick to walk towards the door, nervous about what wasting their time could mean.

“Let’s do this,” I sigh, pushing open the door.

They all pause. Or maybe they were never moving. I try to imagine them interacting normally, but it’s hard to picture them as anything but intense and unflinching. There’s something odd about them, though, Jesper practically sulking and Kaz dropping his head despite Inej’s harsh stare.

“What kind of stone is in your necklace?”

I swear to the Saints that if Kaz Brekker tries to steal it I’ll melt those leather gloves into his hands. “Try to take it and--”

“That’s what I get for trying to make ‘polite conversation.’” He throws a look at Inej as he speaks the last two words.

Wait--did Inej tell him to try to make polite conversation? Wait--more importantly, did he just kind of, almost say something that borders on casual?

Wrinkling my nose, I let out a slight sigh. “Sorry.”

His eyebrows draw together quizzically. “Did you just apologize for assuming I’d steal from you?”

Great. Now I’m fully embarrassed. “Can we just go?”

“Not before meeting me, I hope.” The stranger’s voice means nothing to me, but the others tense at it immediately. What? The man continues to walk forward, his steps too casual and confident for me to trust. The stranger is quick to respond to the question on my face, “Pekka Rollins.”

Taglist: @ambrosia-v-black @fandomstuffff @boxofteenageideas @losers-club6 @cityofstaars @stillreadingfantasy @slatersbrekker @xoxo-aclown @alzawas-plug @nuwanda-greaser @swearingsolemnly @-thatgirloverthere-

General Taglist: @theincredibledeadlyviper @grishaverse7

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feralphoenix · 3 years

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SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS: The Mechanics of the Infection

welcome back to feral’s essay tag where the hot takes don’t stop from keep being hot!

this particular meta has a Lot of citations from canon, and my plan is to have them as actual footnotes in the dreamwidth mirror when that goes up (as i always crosspost my meta there in case my layout text is too small for any folks accessing these from computer and not mobile).

CONTENT WARNING FOR TONIGHT’S PROGRAM: This essay contains discussion of body horror, cancer, and many of the darker aspects of Hallownest’s society.

ALSO, AS USUAL: I read Hollow Knight as anti-colonialist fiction and all of my meta approaches the text from that angle. This essay is strongly critical of the Pale King and Hallownest, and affords sympathy to pre-Hallownest societies & native characters, including Radiance. If you come from a Christian cultural background (regardless of whether you currently practice the religion or not), some of the concepts I am going to discuss may be challenging for you. Please be responsible in your choice whether to engage with this content, and also, be respectful here or wherever else you’re discussing this essay. Thanks.

SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS: The Mechanics of the Infection

If you’ve ever looked through my Hollow Knight tags, you have probably seen me joke about the Infection like a lot, usually along the lines of Radiance casting Level 9 Inflict Tang on Hallownest, or “(radi voice) the End of EVA will continue until you Let My People Go” or some such. In addition to being some of the most beautiful body horror I’ve yet seen in fiction, its appearance also makes it a veritable meme factory.

It is also something that inspires a lot of very wild theorizing amongst fans, because canon tells us WHY the Infection exists but doesn’t ever directly explain WHAT it is. To name just a few of the guesses I’ve seen, people have posited that it could be some sort of pupa juice, or maybe some type of parasitic fungus.

I have my own guess, though, and it’s based on hints we can find in-game. I would like to share it with the class today, so let’s take a quick look through the sauce, starting with what we already know!

WHY

We learn why the Infection happened from Seer and Moss Prophet, and this is also summed up more directly in Team Cherry’s dev notes attached to Seer.

The Pale King wanted to be the only god of light in the crater,* so he tried to kill Radiance by thralling her children - attracting the moths with his light and making them forget about her,** assimilating them into Hallownest. Radiance survived because some moths still remembered and tried to preserve what they could of their original culture,*** and eventually she attempted to reassert her existence and communicate with the bugs of the crater by speaking to them through their dreams. However, the Pale King realized what was happening and ordered his worshippers to shut her out.****

Radiance did not give up, and continued to broadcast her message through dreams. This unstoppable force VS immovable object conflict could not last forever - something eventually had to give, and what gave was the mortals.***** The Infection was an accident that Radiance did not initially intend, but presumably chose to weaponize after the fact as a way to attempt to pressure TPK into releasing the moths and leaving her alone (or, barring that, a way to thoroughly destroy his kingdom at the very least).

SOURCES:

* “No blazing kin. Only one light shall shine against the dark.” - Lore tablet hidden beside the Pale King’s throne in the White Palace.

** “None of us can live forever, and so we ask those who survive to remember us. Hold something in your mind and it lives on with you, but forget it and you seal it away forever. That is the only death that matters.” - Seer’s 1200 Essence dialogue.

*** “But the memories of that ancient light still lingered, hush whispers of faith... Until all of Hallownest began to dream of that forgotten light.” - Seer’s 2400 Essence dialogue.

**** “The King and the bugs of hallownest resisted this memory/power and it started to manifest as the infection.” - from Team Cherry’s dev notes attached to Seer.

***** “Light is life, beaming, pure, brilliant. To stifle that light is to suppress nature. Nature suppressed distorts, plagues us.” - Moss Prophet's dialogue.

HOW

Now that we’ve recapped why the Infection exists, let’s examine the process of how the Infection works. We see some examples of this with various characters in-game, and the Hunter also shares his observations of the Infection’s mechanics in his commentary on the Infected Crossroads entries.

Since we’ll be bringing up the Hunter's Journal here, I want to first examine three entries to establish its dual authorship and how trustworthy it is: The Shade’s entry, the Lightseed’s, and Radiance’s.

We know that the bottom section of the Hunter’s Journal is the Hunter’s personal notes on each creature because the game itself tells us so. So who writes the notes on top that give a brief explanation of what each creature is? It’s a common fan theory that Ghost writes these, which I believe is indeed the case.

First let’s look at the Shade, which is automatically unlocked when we receive the Hunter's Journal in-game regardless of whether we have died and fought the Shade or not. Mechanically this is important because if the Shade weren’t unlocked by default it would be impossible to attain the Hunter achievements without dying at least once - this would REALLY suck for anybody who likes to suffer enough to try to complete the journal in Steel Soul mode.

The Shade’s entry reads:

Echo of a previous life. Defeat it to retake its power and become whole.

Each of us leaves an imprint of something when we die. A stain on the world. I don’t know how much longer this kingdom can bear the weight of so many past lives...

Notice that the top text knows exactly what the Shade is and how it works. In story terms, this would imply that Ghost has died and come back enough pre-game to understand the mechanics of how their revivals work.

The Lightseed’s entry reads:

A single-celled organism, completely infected. Scurries about simple-mindedly.

Strange air has been seeping down from above for years. Some of the air became liquid, and some of that liquid became flesh, and some of that flesh came to life. I don’t know what to make of it.

In this entry, the top text assumes that Lightseeds are a Lifeseed-like creature that has been infected, and the Hunter’s notes reveal that this is incorrect and the Lightseeds were actually born from the Infection itself. From this we learn that the top text isn’t omniscient and can be mistaken: It’s written from a limited perspective.

And here’s Radi’s entry:

The light,* forgotten.

The plague, the infection, the madness that haunts the corpses of Hallownest... the light that screams out from the eyes of this dead Kingdom. What is the source? I suppose mere mortals like myself will never understand.

Here, the top text has information that the Hunter doesn’t, and which only a handful of bugs are privy to anymore.

From these three examples, I believe it is safe to say that Ghost is in fact the author of the journal entries’ top segments.

It’s important to remember that the observations these characters make can be not wholly correct, and I’ll bring that up when I believe it to be relevant, but for now let’s build a picture of how a case of the Infection generally progresses by looking at the Hunter’s commentary on Infected Crossroads enemies, and at a handful of characters whose Infection we directly observe: Bretta, Sly, Myla, and Moss Prophet.

The Hunter describes the broad arc of Infection progression in the Violent Husk's entry: “First [the bugs of Hallownest] fell into deep slumber, then they awoke with broken minds, and then their bodies started to deform...”

The two NPCs who we can save from becoming Infected, Bretta and Sly, are initially found emitting orange fog and mumbling to themselves. In Bretta’s case, when listened to, she initially talks about being left behind and forgotten** as she assumes that all people will treat her this way even though she craves affection and attention; Dream Nailed either before or after being listened to, she mentions a “shining figure”.***

Meanwhile, Sly speaks about his pupil Oro and someone named Esmy, and when his symptoms subside he identifies that he was led to the Crossroads village ruins by a dream.****

Listening to Bretta and Sly completely brings them back to reality, after which they leave the underground area entirely to return to Dirtmouth. However, when the player encounters Myla after defeating Soul Master and obtaining Descending Dive, listening to her does not cause any change in her condition despite that she is not yet hostile.

During these encounters, Bretta is surrounded by orange fog, Sly is surrounded by orange fog and his eyes have also begun to turn orange, and Myla's eyes are glowing but there is no fog around her. So, we can deduce that for as long as the orange fog is present, a bug may still be awoken and cured (Bretta and Sly both show no signs of relapse over the course of the game), but once the fog disappears the bug can no longer be saved by external means.

The "deformation" that the Hunter mentions in the Violent Husk entry refers to the large blobs of Infection that develop on the bodies of creatures that have been infected for a long period of time. We observe these upon the Infected Crossroads enemies, as well as on Hollow and the Moss Prophet. We also see that these Infection tumors can eventually kill bugs once they grow too large and impede bodily functions, just like real cancer: The Moss Prophet and Mossy Vagabonds are all discovered in this state after the Crossroads become infected, as are the Husk Guards in the Crossroads.

So, the progression we can see here is that bugs become infected through their dreams, and while they can initially be woken, if left alone they will fall into too deep a sleep to wake up. Some time after this they will start to move around again but will be hostile to any creatures that are not infected. And, if left in this state for a very long period of time, they will develop tumorous growths which are potentially fatal.

Potentially fatal. This is an interesting contradiction to a basic assumption that most players - and even Ghost and the Hunter - seem to hold about the Infection: That is, that the Infection functions like a pop-culture zombie plague, and infected creatures are all undead (reanimated dead things that can't be killed); thus that the enemies that respawn after resting or going offscreen are the same ones that Ghost just murdered, and have simply been reanimated by the Infection once again.

But infected creatures can die of the Infection. What’s more, bosses and unique instances of generic enemies (such as Myla and the Moss Knight at the pier of Unn’s lake) do not respawn once killed. And it’s definitely not that Ghost killed them that counts: Traitor Lord dies whether Ghost fights him solo or whether Cloth is brought along, in which case she always gets the final blow. This creates the argument that the respawning generics are NOT in fact the same individuals reanimated over and over, but different individuals of the same enemy class, and that their different respawn rates speak to how plentiful those creatures are - small animals respawning faster because a new one will arrive in the recently killed one’s territory sooner, for instance.

Ghost and the Hunter both seem to assume that infected enemies are all undead - many creatures are identified as “husks” or “the remains of [whatever specific bug]” in the Hunter's Journal. But we’ve already established that sometimes Ghost and the Hunter are wrong.

So, if infected creatures aren’t undead, then what are they?

SOURCES:

* I find it a very interesting tidbit of characterization for Ghost that they refer to Radiance as the Light, as native bugs do, rather than calling her the Old Light, as Hallownest bugs did. This has some fascinating implications for where Ghost feels their allegiances to be, but that's neither here nor there right now lol.

** “Ohhh... please... don’t leave me behind! You... forgot about me...? I knew you would... everyone always forgets about me...” - Bretta’s dialogue, Fungal Wastes encounter

*** “...Shining figure...So bright...” - Bretta’s Dream Nail dialogue, Fungal Wastes encounter

**** “...ugghh, Oro you oaf.... You wield your nail... like a club... ...Esmy... how much deeper do we have to go... Oh! What?! Who are you?! ...I see. This old village. What a strange dream, to have led me down here! If you hadn’t found me, I don’t think I would’ve ever woken.” - Sly’s dialogue, Crossroads village encounter

WHAT

In a move very on-brand for Hollow Knight, there’s actually a line from Seer that gives the whole game away - and I mean this incredibly literally, she declares her loyalty to Radiance and says Fuck Hallownest and also hints at what she hopes for from Ghost all in two breaths!! - except that most players are never going to see this line because Seer only says this if you screw up platforming in the Forgotten Dream and yeet yourself off a platform before picking up the Dream Nail.

I do not doubt that I could wring a whole essay out of this one line by itself (and Seer deserves an essay from me so maybe I will), but today the part we’re concerned with is the third line of this dialogue, i.e. how she describes the Dream Nail to Ghost: “The power to wake this world from its slumber[.]”

Its slumber.

The Infection doesn’t only spread through dreams. It is a dream.

To put it in a more meta/video game mechanics sort of way, the Infection is a status ailment. Sleep exists as a common status ailment in RPGs, strategy games, and even some adventure games and platformers. Usually the status ailment of sleep is a mild nuisance that wears off after time, when a character is struck, or if the requisite curative is used; in comparison the Infection is Sleep But Bass Boosted. Appropriate, for a glorified status ailment that’s inflicted by the literal actual god of dreams.

The Infection can only be cured in the very early stages. Once an infected creature has fallen into a coma, there’s no longer any hope of a third party breaking the curse... and also, infected creatures sleepwalk. Violently.

This may also provide an explanation for why mummified bugs in the catacombs have been infected, too: If they were freshly dead and their lingering spirit was still attached enough to their corpses, and that lingering spirit retained enough of a mind to dream...

Aside from those mummified bugs, though, I believe it likely that most if not all of the infected enemies in-game are very, very much alive.

Beyond all the dialogue and lore crumbs pointing to the Infection simply being a cursed sleep, this explanation makes the most sense when thinking about Radiance as a character. She is the literal embodiment of dreams as well as the sun, so inflicting eternal slumber with bonus malignant sleepwalking is a natural extension of her power and a way to use it offensively without being directly violent.

(I've written about this at length elsewhere, but signs point to Radiance having been a pacifist prior to the Pale King’s invasion. Short version: The Moth Tribe were pacifists and Radiance was the center of their culture so it would be odd if she were an exception; she is incapable of inflicting any physical harm whatsoever in a game where lack of contact damage from an active enemy indicates helplessness and such enemies always flee from Ghost unless they have a tool they can use to fight with; her behavior in her boss battles indicates a lack of combat experience, and her nail-generating spells seem to be based on Hollow’s abilities. Real-life adult moths cannot fight - they defend themselves with flight, camouflage, mimicry, and I’m Poisonous So Fuck Off coloring.)

Now, I don’t want to downplay the harm the Infection causes - it doesn’t have to turn bugs into literal undead zombies to be devastating. What we can glean of Hallownest’s ruins suggests that as a state it was heavily dependent on labor to run its industry, so incapacitating the laborers would have turned the whole country on its head, especially because those laborers cannot be woken. The Infection also created an intense atmosphere of terror throughout Hallownest as bugs tried to discover ways to cure it or at least protect themselves. And as the Hunter observes,* because of how the Infection is caused, the harder you try to block Radiance out, the worse the Infection will get.

(A sidebar: Interestingly, the Infection's progress seems to be very slow when a creature willingly accepts it; Moss Prophet has Infection tumors when met but doesn’t die of them until the Crossroads is infected, though many Crossroads bugs are found dead of tumors immediately. Traitor Lord and his followers opted in to the Infection long ago, but Traitor Lord is still at the “orange fog” stage and could theoretically be cured, if he wanted to be. Both Traitor Lord and Moss Prophet are still completely lucid, too.)

Radiance may not have committed any direct violence against Hallownest, but the Infection does incite violence: infected creatures become hostile to and will attack the uninfected. And as we’ve discussed, the Infection itself can become fatal once it’s progressed far enough for tumorous growths to form.

A god smiting the shit out of her people’s oppressors by nonviolently but thoroughly disrupting their kingdom, Especially if that kingdom is a genocidal colonialist slave state,** as a Let My People Go And Leave Me Alone :) ultimatum is not unreasonable. (And Moss Prophet tells us point-blank that literally just listening to Radiance in the first place would have prevented the Infection before it began!) But despite that Hallownest as an institution is unambiguously awful, Hallownest bugs victimized by their own state (such as the maggot slaves and other menial workers) probably saw much less benefit from Hallownest’s genocides than the rich and nobility, and likely deserved the smiting way less than said rich and nobility.

Meanwhile Hallownest’s neighbors - all native nations who are just as much victims of TPK’s bullshit as the Moth Tribe - did not deserve to get caught up in the smiting at all.

Lateral harm in Hollow Knight is another topic that deserves its own essay - and more than that, lots of in-depth conversation! - but, again, that’s not the topic we want to focus on today. I do want to make it clear, though, that infected creatures being alive and theoretically wakeable if the curse should end doesn’t suddenly mean the Infection was actually no big deal. If you want your jimmies rustled, try Dream Nailing enemies that pull from the generic Dream Nail dialogue pool: They are on some level aware that they’re dreaming and can’t wake.***

Clues that the Infection is literally a dream are littered all over the game, from Elderbug’s initial dialogue**** to the name of ending 3, Dream No More - not only named that because that’s the ending where Ghost sacrifices Radiance’s life as well as their own to end Hollow’s suffering rather than only sacrificing their freedom.

Some of what Bardoon and Moss Prophet have to say about the Infection is suggestive of the nature of this dream, though. Moss Prophet appeals to their audience to find unity through the Infection,***** and Bardoon also remarks on this, though he cautions that this comes at the cost of being reduced to instinct.****** Dreaming does tend to come hand in hand with lack of inhibition and suggestibility, but I’m more interested in what Moss Prophet and Bardoon mean by unity, since infected creatures’ thoughts are different depending on what they are and what they were already doing while awake.

There's less specific hard evidence for this aside from how we can observe that Infection blobs are connected to Radiance, transmitting her heartbeat and birthing the Lightseeds, her unintended creations. But given that those blobs do originate from Infection fluid according to the Hunter... Radiance is not just the embodiment of dreams but the heart of THE Dream. So could the Infection be a forcible pseudo-immersion into that capital-D Dream, the Dream Realm itself?

Whether my hunch here is right or not, I can’t in good faith end this essay without bringing all y’all’s attention to absolutely my favorite bit of The Infection Is A Dream foreshadowing: The way multiple parties mention the fact that the Infection smells and tastes sweet.*******

You know... it’s sweet... it’s a sweet dream... get it.........

And now that you can no longer unsee that brilliantly awful pun, I think I'll see myself out!

SOURCES:

* “The infection that swept through Hallownest so long ago... they say that the harder you struggled against it, the more it consumed you.” - Hunter’s commentary, Slobbering Husk Hunter’s Journal entry.

** I’m referring, of course, to the maggots. See: “Weakest members of the kingdom of Hallownest. Generally looked down upon and forced to do menial labour.” (Ghost’s commentary) and “If they try to bargain for their life, just ignore them. They have nothing to offer.” (Hunter’s commentary) from the Maggot Hunter's Journal entry as well as False Knight/Failed Champion’s backstory. Remember also that maggots are the larval form of flies like Sly (you’ll see the resemblance if you compare Sly’s features to the maggot siblings’), meaning Hallownest employs child slavery. In more cheerful news Sly’s backstory must be absolutely goddamn wild.

*** “I’m not...Dead..” “Am I...Sleeping?” “I can’t....Wake up...” - Dream Nail dialogue from generic Hallownest bugs (Wandering Husk, Leaping Husk, Horned Husk, Husk Bully, Husk Warrior) and from God Tamer for some reason

**** “Perhaps dreams aren't such great things after all...” - Elderbug’s initial dialogue

***** “Embrace light! Achieve union!” - Moss Prophet’s dialogue

****** “Theirs is a different kind of unity. Rejection of the Wyrm’s attempt at order. I resist the light’s allure. Union it may offer, but also a mind bereft of thought... To instinct alone a bug is reduced...Hrrm...” - Bardoon’s dialogue (Listen four times, not counting other dialogue flags)

******* “A thick orange mist fills these walking corpses. It has a sweet, sickly taste to it. I find it foul. After you kill these creatures, I suggest you do not eat them.” - Hunter’s commentary, Husk Bully Hunter’s Journal entry, just for one example.

#hollow knight #hollow knight spoilers #hollow knight meta #long post under cut -#essay

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pfreadsandwrites · 4 years

Text

Kakashi NSFW Alphabet

18+ CONTENT AHEAD - NO MINORS - ANY MINORS CAUGHT INTERACTING WITH THIS POST WILL BE BLOCKED

Okay, attempt 2 - That’ll teach me to try ever posting from the mobile app. This is a rewrite from scratch and I’m way too tired to reread and see if it makes sense or if there are typos, it’s probably not a good thing this is longer than the original though.

No one asked for this, no one at all, and I know everyone’s done these but hey, it’s Kinktober, and you can never have too many Kakashi headcanons, right? Right? Right. I hope you enjoy these!! Goes without saying that these’ll be smutty. It’s also about 6.4k words. There is some real filth ahead, very nsfw, seriously, the thirst is so real. (I hate myself), so, this is 18+ only!

Also, I'm tagging @allthingskakashi because she asked me to (i really hope these aren’t disappointing)

Side note: This is all written from the view of an established relationship. I can kinda remember most of what I said, so these will be still be very long despite being a rewrite from scratch. Apologies for any rambles and tangents I might go on, since I was rewriting this, my brain got weird and tired, but I wanna take you through my thoughts. I’m also very concerned about keeping things in character and not self-indulgent/self-projecting of what the writer’s personally into so I won’t be doing that here... You’ll see what I mean as I go on. But I still wanna make it hot so i’ll try lol. I’m new to writing but I’m even newer to writing dirty stuff so i’ll try my best. And with this post goes my dignity

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Straight after sex is one of the rare times where Kakashi feels completely at ease and relaxed. He’s pensive, often quietly mulling over what you two have just been doing and trying to come to grips with it, his hands gently running through your hair or along your back. He’s probably at his most affectionate here too. Expect gentle, lazy caresses, little kisses here and there, soft, easy conversation. He might not always be the most talkative, but post-coitus is where you’ll most likely hear him say something earnest and romantic compared to other times. You’ve gotta understand, you’re a miracle, and you being in his arms is like heaven, but he can’t really believe it? But he’s also overwhelmed and tired to let it bother him too much, so he’s able to let his doubt and restraints go a little easier and just breathe. He feels safe, he feels at home and that’s a rare thing, so he’s really just happy to bask in the afterglow and the quietude of it all. It’s the safest, easiest thing in the world for the both of you.

If he’s been on the rougher side, he’ll definitely make sure you’re alright and be more gentle in comparison. and he’s generally more attentive than usual. He’s usually nice about cleaning you up, too, a gentleman lmao.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Kakashi quite likes his upper body, or his torso more generally. He’s lean and broad, but not in an overbearing or obvious way, and he really likes the reaction he gets when you actually do get to see him shirtless. He’s also a little sensitive on his back (and he doesn’t mind if you end up scratching it). But if you rub his shoulders or massage his back or chest, he’s putty in your hands.

When it comes to a partner? So the fandom seems to be consistent in thinking of Kakashi as an ass man, and I’m inclined to agree. He just loves to grab it, slap it, just look at it tbh or whatever, but even if you don’t think your ass is that great, there’s very high probability that he does anyway. But honestly I think he’d have a hard time picking a favourite part of your body.

Some other body parts he definitely loves that don’t get mentioned though: he just loves your waist and how it curves in and out into your hips. He’s mesmerised by it.

plz imagine Kakashi’s nice big hands running gently running along your waist while he thrusts into you deep and slow, your back arching and then they settle on your hips?

Also, he loooooves legs, how they feel wrapped around him, the soft thighs omg. When you wear stockings or heels or other things that accentuate them, ahajhfkaj have mercy on him. Also, wrists and ankles? They’re so pretty and delicate he’ll just grab them where he can. If you both are in some kinda position where he can, he’ll definitely give you lil ankle kisses. also wear an anklet to see him blush

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

So uh, I’m really doing this, huh?

Soooo hear me out. Kakashi’s diet is impeccable. I don’t take criticism here lmao, it’s been mentioned multiple times how much he hates deep fried stuff and sweets (yeah yeah he’s one of those weirdoes that enjoys healthy food most, Kakashi we get it) and he’s always feeding Naruto veggies (or trying to). My point? His cum would taste good, okay? Or at least, not strong or bad at all, very neutral if not good. (You have zero problems swallowing)

Also, he cums a pretty good amount. He tends to try and hold back his orgasm so when he does come it does build up. Coming inside you is his favourite, just the intimacy of it, of filling you like that.

But…. he’s pretty ashamed of it at first, but he does love coming on his partner. Whether it’s on your face (ughhhh when you lick up some of his cum around your mouth after a blowjob), or your breasts, or your back, or wherever tbh. He doesn’t know whether it’s the visuals, the eroticism of it or even a territorial aspect? He doesn’t wanna ponder it too much it’s just hot okay.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

So this one was hard… because, unpopular opinion, I don't see him as into anything too crazy or depraved?

But here’s what I came up with: he’s totally fucked in the Hokage’s office. It’s only a dirty secret because of how improper that is, how inappropriate it is that the man in charge of the whole village is having sex in the very epicentre of where he’s supposed to be doing that, when other Hokage have been in that room before him… but it’s also why he’s into it.

Also, he’ll die before he ever admits to you exactly how many times he’s jerked off to the thought of you. And after you got together into a pair of your panties when you were away and he missed you too much

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Short version: Kakashi’s not as experienced as you might think, but this doesn’t translate into lack of skill in any way.

The long version: Ahhh so I go back on forth on this but I’ma attempt to think this through here. Okay, so, fandom has generally two sides when it comes to Kakashi and this topic. He’s either the completely suave, smooth ladies’ man who has all the one night stands or on account of his issues he’s a passive, stuttering virgin who’s constantly flustered.

Neither of these are that accurate. So I do get ladies man Kakashi to a point. It comes from the fact that he is quite smooth? And women do seem to like him quite easily in the series. And Kakashi definitely has the capacity to be a charmer, and is quite good at flirting when his job requires it or it’s a stranger etc. He’s good at reading people and winning them over. This is more complicated when he’s faced with someone he’s attracted to, or that has the potential to mean something to him. He still might be charming, but he’s very good at using this to keep you further from him, so you can’t really get to know him or get close to him so it’s not quite the same. It’s his way of controlling the distance between you.

Now, when it comes to experience, I don’t think Kakashi’s incapable of using casual sex as some kind of a coping mechanism (it’s not the healthiest), but if he was going to do this, it’d be during the latter part of his ANBU years. I can see him having sex as just a means to forget and remember he’s alive, and quell an urge, with basically faceless partners, or maybe complete strangers on missions. This does make him feel even lonelier after a while though, and it’s not really what he wants. Eventually having sex with women he’ll never see again serves to make him more miserable, and I think by the time we see him at the beginning of the series he doesn’t really do this anymore. So I wouldn’t say he’s completely inexperienced sexually at least, though he definitely is romantically.

Generally after that, Kakashi’s gonna reserve sex for someone who he has a deep emotional and physical connection with, but God forbid he ever calls it what it is - a relationship. Basically, if he’s sleeping with you, he pretty much loves you whether he knows it or not. And if he’s comparing that to his past experiences, he really feels the difference and cherishes it all the more (but it still scares him and he won’t admit it to himself.

So here’s how I see it. There’s always been a sexual chemistry between him and you, and a physical and romantic attraction. But of course Kakashi is Kakashi so he does absolutely nothing about it and doesn’t want to let you do anything about it. Still, you’re surprisingly persistent, and you do become close to each other in a friendly capacity, in whatever way Kakashi’s able to participate in that. Eventually, ( I haven’t thought this through quite yet) you do end up fucking and Kakashi tries to convince himself that he can just do that, that he can keep up having great sex with a great friend and that you don’t mean the world to him. You try to do the same, for his benefit, but you’re in deep and neither of you can’t deny there’s a bond and your connection is so strong that you’re basically in a relationship - and you kinda are by the time you start having sex - but he doesn’t really have the balls to actually call it that till after the 4th shinobi war. (I have some thoughts about how the war impacted Kakashi’s psychology but it’s generally then when he’ll genuinely feel comfortable enough to fully commit himself to you and see a future for himself, which he’s never really had before, and a future with you to boot).

To bring it back to this (I’m sorry what a fucking tangent), Kakashi’s maybe not had sex with a large amount of women, but he’s a quick learner and has natural skill. He also learns your body and what you like quickly. So whilst he’s not as experienced as he seems, he’s definitely more skilled than he has any right to be.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

When it comes to positions there’s very little he wouldn’t enjoy tbh. He does have an affinity for positions like doggy style, just the visuals and the power it gives him. It’s easy for him to get a bit carried away though, but that’s his go to when he’s feeling rougher.

When it’s more romantic and slow and sensual, he also loves variations of missionary, because he loves the intimacy of the eye contact, and how your body is so close he can hear your heartbeat but his absolute favourite positions are missionary variations where your legs are on his shoulders, or where he’s spreading your thighs as perpendicular as possible and really testing your flexibility are probably his favourite cuz legs, and he can go even deeper and get an amazing angle.

But he definitely likes it when you ride him too, whether you’re facing him or away, it just feels too good when you’re bouncing on him like that. Also it’s nice to relax a bit and not have to do more of the work… plz take care of him from time to time…

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He definitely has the capacity to be a fucking dork, as we know, and this has the potential to translate to his sex life. It’s a sign of complete ease if he can laugh and joke with you during, and he loves to have fun and play around with you, but at the same time, he does prefer to be serious most of the time. This means a lot to him and he’ll make sure you know that. He’s also gonna get a bit exasperated if you don’t seem to be taking it as seriously as him, or if you’re too into jokes and giggles for his liking that day. Probably will try and shut you up one way or another.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

(Ughh okay so the idea of Kakashi with a silver happy trail leading to a messy shockwave of hair down there really does things to me okay, I’m sorry, I’ll see myself out)

Okay so… Have you seen how Kakashi manages his hair? Spoiler alert: he doesn’t. I don’t even know if this man owns a hairbrush. So I can definitely see him not being assed about shaving his bush. It’s probably kind of wild, or at the very least more on the unkempt side.

But then again he’s assed enough to keep his face clean shaven so he can wear his mask, so maybe he does, like I do head canon that he’s a very clean person and he probably feels like it is a *bit* cleaner that way but I’m leaning towards nah he just leaves it alone, but will trim it from time to time when it gets too wild or if it bothers you. I do think he probably has slightly more body hair than you’d expect tbh, but his hair is so light especially against his complexion so it’s not really noticeable. Oh and obviously, the carpet matches the drapes. (Idk why this made me imagine Kakashi with a ginger bush.. LMAO there’s a thought)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It does depend on the mood between you, what kinda day he’s had, what position you’re in etc but he places a lot of value on sex in your relationship, for the intimacy and emotional bonding, not just the physical pleasure. So there are a lot of times where he’d be super intimate. Kakashi’s a man who chooses his words and actions very carefully in normal life and during sex he allows himself to let all that go. His actions really convey the depth of what you mean to him, what being with you like this means to him. He’ll hold you close to him, running his hands all over your body just to feel you everywhere, kiss you everywhere you can whilst he moves, bury his face into your neck, breathe you in - he just is very overwhelmed by this and there are times during your most intimate moments where he’s so in awe and so happy that he could die right there.

That being said, if he’s fucking you over his desk in the hokage’s office and it’s rough and fast, it’s a little harder to feel the intimacy and the romantic connection. Still, it is underlying every moment between you too. You’re the only ones that see these sides of each other, and make each other feel that way, and he really values that. He’ll still make it feel tender somehow and not just mindless fucking (no matter how blank he makes your head feel)

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I don’t see him as being a particularly frequent masturbator tbh. He strikes me as disciplined and he can probably go a while without it, especially if he’s busy, but more than just that, he kinda sees it as an inconvenience he just has to do sometimes? To blow off some steam, or when he’s not had sex in a while or something got his mind racing and it’s a distraction because he literally can’t think about anything else. He’ll probably use his books, but he prefers to use his imagination tbh, though the books can start as a seed for that.

He also doesn’t like having to put too much effort into jerking himself off? He doesn’t like to overcomplicate things when it comes to his sex life, and especially when it’s just jacking off.

He just kinda wants to get it done so he can move on to something more productive or fall asleep or something. So he’s just happy to pump himself off until he gets there.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Okay here’s where I’m gonna lose some of you.

Kakashi’s just not that kinky. Or maybe not kinky by tumblr/fic standards. Like I said in the previous head canon, he just does not see the appeal of making his sex life more complicated than it needs to be and his kinks aren’t gonna be too crazy. He just wants to feel good with you and he’s not that difficult to get going. With that in mind, here are some things he likes:

Spanking ;)

Teasing

Face-fucking

Dirty Talk (to a point, anything too stupid sounding or too dirty might make him laugh or take him out of it…)

clothed sex (where you are so horny for each other you can’t even wait to get undressed properly)

semi-public sex (he would hate the idea of actually being seen but the idea of *almost* being caught is kinda hot to him, not that he’ll ever let that happen if he can help it),

body worship (is that a kink)

LIGHT dom (I’ll mention it more later but he’s not too extreme into this stuff, but if you call him Hokage-sama or captain he might get a little too into it… not that that’s bad) I heard someone call him general during the war arc and that shit SENT me

he maaaay do a a threesome with shadow clones (either two of his if you want that, but two of you seem kinda hot… that being said, this might delve into that ‘making things too complicated’ so Idk, this might just be hot to me cuz I would like two Kakashis to rail me and I do think he’d enjoy it if two of you focused on him),

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bed is fine but that’s really what he associates with either morning sex, or romantic, intimate lovemaking type stuff. When it’s more raunchy and playful, he really likes bending you over stuff tbh, his desk, kitchen counter etc most surfaces work well. He likes the shower too. Also, one time you both were just so hot for each other and didn’t make it to the bed and went at it on the hard floor and it was so wild and rough.

But he really loves fucking you up against walls, doors, mirrors, etc, Wall is his favourite, it’s just so intense and he gets animalistic and yeah it’s so good.

WAIT, how did I forget, sex in front of the mirror?! This is something he enjoys more with a more flustered or shy s/o who’s not used to looking at themselves. I have been thinking about writing something for this

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Kakashi’s more on the traditional side in terms of what he likes but it’s really not that hard to turn him on. He loooooveeees when you wear lingerie for him, anything pretty and lacy but also stockings and all that. But then there’s something about when it’s simplistic too, like when you’re just wearing his shirt and nothing else? That’ll get him going too. But yeah, plz surprise him with a sexy outfit when he comes home from a long day of work and he’ll love you 5ever.

I dunno why I’ve always thought this, but I also think he’s turned on by subtle, understated signs of femininity? It’s just such a contrast to what he’s used to and he really appreciates it and is just mesmerised by you tbh. It’s things that are natural, the way when you sit down your hips get that crease where they meet your thighs, you might sometimes look down when you smile softly, the way you walk, pretty hair. If you have a really classical, elegant/sophisticated kind of style he loves that. Kinda hard to explain what I mean with that but like, say a dress or skirt that shows off your curves but isn’t too revealing? It really gets his mind racing. That make sense? (No worries if that’s not your style either, like I say, it’s not that hard to turn him on) But I also think he kinda likes when you wear jewellery? Like nothing too ostentatious but if you’re naked beneath him and the only thing you’re wearing is a necklace or some fancy earrings he just thinks you look so beautiful.

He also likes the comfortable, gentle teasing and flirting in the conversations you have, the jovial aspect to them, the connotations they carry. You could say one comment and not mean a whole lot by it and it might get his mind racing. He’ll think about you all day.

I mentioned before but offering to massage his back/chest/shoulders is his favourite, and if you kiss his jawline or neck even innocently it might not be innocent for very long ;) just when you’re generally affectionate and gentle with him.

He’d definitely enjoy it if you were confident, but I also feel like he’d like a shyer s/o too? If you were a little easier to fluster than he is, he finds it much easier to be confident and make you feel that much better ;) he likes making you blush.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Okay, here’s where I’m definitely gonna lose some of you. But hang with me.

Short version: He doesn’t really like BDSM, be nice to him and let him be

Long version (I’m sorry guys):

By the time Kakashi’s in a loving relationship with you, he’s shown you his vulnerability and he trusts you, and he’s happy to try things within reason, but he has boundaries. And he expects you to respect them, just like he respects yours. You’re gonna frustrate him and make him close off if you’re wanting to push him to try new stuff or go out of his comfort zone. He can be set in his ways. If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to. So if that’s not cool for you, that’s a turn-off.

He’s not into role-reversal. This is a tricky one to explain (and I’d explained it better in my first version of this that got lost to the void but alas this is where my memory is getting hazy), but though he’s a man with a lot of power and responsibility and control, these things aren’t necessarily things he’s insecure about or that come unnaturally to him. They’re not a persona or things he’s necessarily putting a lot of effort into being. He just is. He’s self-aware of his own abilities and strengths and he’s very a-matter-of-fact about them. I guess what I’m saying is, the more masculine attributes of his personality and demeanour that make some people say he’s DaddyAF and others say he’s probably not like that sexually, are just who he is naturally. He’s not putting effort into being these things and does not see the appeal of working to reverse this in the bedroom, or better yet, doesn’t really understand it. It’s way more effort for him to do that than it is for him to just be who he is. I could go way more into the psychology of this but this thing is long enough already but part of that accepting him for who he is is just letting him be. I’m saying he’s in no way a sub, basically.

But he’s not a huge dom, either. He’s actually really not into anything hardcore when it comes to dom/sub or bdsm stuff like at all. Like he’s not gonna be your daddy or your master or anything like that. He really values ease above all else and is happy to just enjoy the two of you and your body without adding extra layers of extreme power dynamics and kinks on top of it. He’s happy to be more on the authoritative side, which is why I say light dom, and it’s more natural for him to take the lead, but he’s not thinking about it too hard. I also don’t think he’d be averse to some mild power play - in that mean he likes it when you get a little cheeky, tease him, you can make fun of him, there’s a bit of cat and mouse between you, but if you’re too much into control or power that actually might bring out his rougher dominant side a bit more than normal. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not incapable of lying back and letting you do your thing.

…But he is still a bit of a control freak at heart and he doesn’t want to feel like something could go wrong, so if you make him feel like he can’t do anything about the situation or having no control at all is likely gonna be a bad experience for him.The other thing is that Kakashi doesn’t feel like he’s had control over his life where it counts, and he still feels pretty shitty about himself a lot. He’s not gonna wanna relinquish all control during his sex life, no matter how much he trusts you. He’d hate feeling completely passive, and if you humiliate him you’re just gonna make him feel shitty. He doesn’t wanna humiliate you either. So what I’m saying is, he’s just not into femdom or extreme male sub stuff or anything like that, sorry not sorry. He’s felt shitty enough in his life for you to turn it into a kink. He’s a pretty chill guy, but he still has his comfort zone, and he trusts you enough to be vulnerable, don’t take advantage of that. Be kind to Kakashi Hatake 2020.

With everything I’ve said so far, he’s never gonna let you peg him. It’s not something that really appeals to him visually or psychologically, plus any kind of receiving anal stimulation is just not really his thing. Leave Kakashi Hatake’s asshole alone 2020. Also, he doesn’t like the plastic/artificialness of toys in general, he’d much rather genuine skin on skin contact and feeling your body and you his, and just yeah you having to use toys on him will turn him off or seeing you in a way, that’s you know, not you, with an artificial appendage is just, a big no for him. Probably has the exact opposite effect you’d want.

He’d also never wanna hurt you, or be into you hurting him. If it doesn’t trigger his PTSD or his tendency to self-loathe like all the other things I mentioned, he’s been getting hurt his whole life so he’s likely not gonna enjoy this in the bedroom, it’s either banal to him or a complete turn-off at the least. He’s self-aware enough to know it’s not gonna be the healthiest thing for him to sexualise it. He’s also hurt too many people to do something that could potentially hurt you, so no weapons, ninja techniques, things like that. I don’t think he’d even be into choking you. He just wants to relax, and enjoy himself and being with you in a way where he can feel safe, but not passive, and he loves having a partner that can allow him to do that.

So a partner being too dominant to the point of making him feel shitty and weak would be a turn-off, or just generally one that’s impatient or unkind. You’ll need to be empathetic and warm to get anywhere with him anyway, or at least you’ll struggle otherwise. Also, he wouldn’t ever want a threesome. It’s taken so much out of him to build up trust and intimacy between you, he’s sure that introducing another person, even if it’s only a one time thing, would ruin it. He also doesn’t want anyone other than you to see him in that way, or vice versa.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

So I don’t know why but I feel like Kakashi sees eating you out as such a special, intimate act? It’s a big deal, and this is something he probably wouldn’t do with someone he doesn’t have a strong connection to, or not as much. But when he does love you, your responses and the whole act are just mesmerising to him. Maybe it’s how vulnerable delicate you seem, how your moans are more gentle and delicate compared to when he’s fucking you, how he’s up and close against your most private parts, how he’s the only one that sees you like this… It really gets him going tbh, but it also takes a lot out of him? It just ends up meaning more to him than a blowjob might mean to you. So he might actually end up receiving more than he gives, despite the fact that he enjoys it and is very good at it. I don’t mind I’ll suck his dick 25/8

Like most men, he’ll be putty in your hands if you give him a good blowjob. It’s one of those things that never cease to amaze him or drive him crazy, no matter how many times you’ve done it, the sight of you on your knees, sucking him down. He’ll feel guilty but he face-fucks you sometimes, and it feels amazing, but he honestly might let himself get carried away. So he’ll sometimes grab your hair or clench his fist instead, otherwise he’ll just try to gently guide your ahead along sometimes. His moans during blowjobs are also damn hot as well. Like guttural groans and moans, he’s louder than normal.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends with Kakashi! Whether it’s a quickie, the position, where you’re doing it. He has a penchant for slow and sensual though. He wants to savour you, the sensation, the moment, the sights, everything. He really wants to bask in the intimacy of what’s going on and go as deep as he can and take his time. He likes taking it easy.

But there’s always gonna be moments where he can be pretty damn animalistic and rough and he’s pretty good with that too. Though, where he has the time to do so, he likes to build up to it? Occasionally he’ll be too pent up/frustrated or too short on time to really do it but like if time and space allows he doesn’t wanna start ramming into you like right away, he wants you to adjust, and will slowly fuck you until you’re really want it as crazily as he does.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He likes a good quickie, or rather, they’re his only option sometimes. He’s a busy guy who can’t always plan his schedule, and this goes tenfold when he becomes Hokage. So whilst his favourite will also be something longer where he can take his time and enjoy your body, you’re gonna have to accept that there will be periods where all you’ll get is quickies in his office, or in the morning before he has to leave.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

So despite all that stuff I listed about all the things he won’t do, he’s willing to try a lot of stuff with you. He does enjoy experimenting and he thinks it’s fun and brings you guys closer together, but within reason. He doesn’t wanna do anything too complicated or too strange by his standards, but he’ll be up for new locations, new positions, and he is risky in the sense that he won’t mind doing some stuff in public, or semi-public at least.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

So it’s definitely better when he doesn’t have his sharingan constantly sapping his energy anymore, but not to the point that you really noticed there being a problem before. He just puts a lot of effort and concentration into not cumming before you, and he’s pretty good at that. Depending on how pent up he is, he can last a decent amount of time. But if he has lasted quite a long time, when he finally does cum, he might not be in the mood to go again.

I see him going for like, one short round and one long one. Or if it’s shorter his recovery time’s pretty decent. But if you get ever happen to get three or more rounds of him in one go you should definitely praise him or take care of him cuz that’s pretty difficult and his dick might be broken for the next few days.

The only time his ability to hold back his orgasm goes to shit is when you’re having his way with him by riding him or sucking him off. You’re just too good have mercy on him But he’s better able to control that stuff and slow down and take breaks when he needs to when he’s the one leading things.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Nah, this harkens back to the whole thing about him not wanting to overcomplicate things and just have fun without thinking too much. He can’t be assed with toys and won’t use them on himself. I also mentioned earlier that he doesn’t like the fakeness/artificiality of toys, just the gimmicky-ness of it, the plastics... Nah. He wants to feel something real. Besides it’s canon how crazy this man’s physical skill is, his hands, his fingers… He’s completely satisfied with just his hands. And you are too

If it means a lot to you, he can use toys on you. But let’s be honest I really don’t think you’ll feel the need.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Kakashi is a little shit, we all know this. He loves to tease and edge, and he just loves seeing how frustrated you get, your scolding, knowing that you still can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do, your annoyed little whines and huffs… But he always more than makes up for it later.

He is so bad at receiving teasing though, he cannot withstand as much as you can, which is lame, considering how much he can put you through.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not that loud, though there are times he can be. When he’s getting close to cumming, when he finally does are probably his loudest. But generally, his noises are so so nice. He makes soft little grunts and pants mostly, but he’ll growl and groan, whisper your name.. But sometimes you can get a semi-loud moan out of hiim and omg it’s so so hot.

He’s a little louder when he’s tired, or first thing in the morning? He’s more sensitive. When he’s not having to concentrate so much or think too much about what’s going on, he’ll get a little louder. He’s also louder when you’re riding him than in other positions.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You know what I’ve gone in so deep with this head canons that I can’t think of a random one and I can’t remember what I wrote yesterday.

So Kakashi really appreciates just physical contact with you, wherever it might be. It doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual either but it makes him feel at ease. I said this already too, but Kakashi loves the comfort of just being vanilla. Nothing special, nothing elaborate, no gimmicks, just him on top of you, with your legs around his hips, as he drives into you. It’s literally just you and him in the world and that’s all there needs to be and nothing’s ever felt more right than that.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

It’s canon Kakashi is big need I say more. Okay I’ll say more. So it’s pretty long and thick. It’s not like monster huge but he’ll definitely take some adjusting. Probs uncut, and the same girth all the way down. Also kinda veiny, there’s some big ones on the underside. You’ll definitely feel him throb inside you. But his body is nice too, but we been knowing that. He’s lean, and muscular, but in an understated way. He also has really nice legs? Like his thighs are good. The only time I saw his legs was in ep 101 of og Naruto but I was very pleased tbh. Like they’re well-trained but not crazy muscular like those men who work out a lot get… do you know what I mean? The round calves and stuff? He doesn’t have that. He also has a very nice ass. Gets flustered if you stare at it or slap it. Please do though his reaction is so cute.

Anyways, back to his dick, the colour is slightly darker than the rest of his body and the tip a tad darker than that. I remember seeing a picture on twitter and omg I couldn’t like it cuz I need some semblance of keeping my twitter professional but omg I saved the link, this is it though, the artist gets him perfectly.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It’s high but nothing ridiculous. He’s controlled enough where he can go a while without it, but this is harder once he has a partner.

Once you guys have settled into each other and grown comfortable, he’s probably up for it 3-4 times a week, but depends on you and both of your schedules too. Sometimes it’s more, sometimes less. But he’s a busy guy and has tons of things going on so as much as he’d like to, he can’t think about having sex extremely frequently. He’s also gonna have periods where he physically can’t see you that much, so the times you do see each other might be spent having sex so it might feel like it’s crazy high, but it’s more that he’s making up for lost time.

As he gets older his sex drive does decrease slightly, but not by much tbh. He’s very adaptable to your needs too. If you wanna fuck a lot that’s all great but if it’s like twice a day every day then calm down dang you might need to satisfy yourself. But if yours is a lot lower than is, he might struggle, but eh, he can manage.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sex definitely depletes him and makes it easy to sleep, but he’ll normally wait for you to fall asleep. It’s a control thing and a protective thing, but he just feels a lot better about sleeping once you’re already there dozing off in his arms, and after sex is one of the rare times where he feels relaxed enough and his mind is empty enough where he can get a good night’s rest without any issues.

#kakashi #hatake kakashi #kakashi x reader #kakashi headcanons #kakashi smut #naruto #naruto imagines #naruto headcanons #kakashi hatake #kakashi imagines #pfthinks #pfsins

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dalamjisung · 3 years

Text

team wang ❃ jackson wang

word count: 1899

genre: slice of life, fluff, team wang!jackson

member: jackson x reader

description: this is it– all he’s ever wanted: jackson is his own boss now. Team Wang will now have his undivided attention and, well, you couldn’t be prouder. You’ve always been Team Wang, anyways.

“Delivery,” A voice calls through the building’s intercom, and you try to remember of any recent purchase made from Amazon, but you just can’t.

“Whom for?” You ask, and if Jackson was here, he’d be proud. He always told you to be more aware of security, considering the amount of ill intent directed towards public figures like him. You’d always roll your eyes whenever he lectured you about opening the door for the food delivery man without asking for an identification from the other person, but you’d let it go whenever he hugged you and mumbled in your ear, I just want you to be safe.

“Uh… Jackson Wang?” The man responds. “From Team Wang…?”

The uncertainty in the man’s voice is enough to make you frown, but you tell him to wait downstairs, that you’ll go get the parcels yourself. Putting your shoes on, you go down, passing through Mr. Min, the building’s security guard.

“Can you sign here, ma’am?” The delivery man asks, giving you an electronic pad. You do as instructed and he starts giving you the many boxes piled behind him.

“Wait… is that all for Jackson Wang?” You gasp, looking behind to wave the security guard over. “I might need some help, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all, Ms. Y/L/N,” Mr. Min smiles and both of you work on taking all twelve large boxes to your apartment. After you’re done, you send him back to his post with a ‘thank you’ sandwich and cup of coffee; he’s always been incredibly helpful and kind to you, during the years that you and Jackson had been together, and you can’t help but see Mr. Min as a friend. He’s seen you at your best and at your worst, and if not for his comforting words, sometimes you don’t know what would’ve happened to you after a fight with Jackson, or after a particular hard day at work. He’s always spared you a few words of wisdom, a few moments of hope, and he’s never let you walk out the door with unresolved issues.

“Ah, Seun-ie,” You tut under your breath, looking at the three piles of boxes. “Why did–“

“I’m home!” His melodic voice echoes in the apartment and you chuckle at his clear excitement. “Is it here? Did it arrive? Y/N, did something arrive for me today?”

“Uh,” You turn around to face your fiancee. “I’d say so, yes.”

His eyes shine with contained happiness and he drops his bag by the entrance, running to the many boxes to inspect all of them.

“Babe can you get me a knife?”

You roll your eyes, walking to the kitchen and coming back with scissors instead. You didn’t want him to get lost in his packages and end up hurting himself.

“Here you go, babe,” You help him move the boxes to the living room, where together you cut through all the cardboard. As you two work, he tells you about his day at the studio, about the songs he’s producing, about all the content he’s posting on social media– and you soak it all in, loving the way he rambles on and on about all that he did, all that he couldn’t do before. Because of the restrictions of his old agency, Jackson always talked about all the things he wanted to do, but rarely ever about the things he did. It’s been a week now, and ever since their last performance under their past contract, Jackson’s been much more open to trying out all of the things he talked about before. I’m my own boss now, baby, he’d giggle at random time. I can do what I want.

“Jacks,” You call, looking at him while resting your chin on your hand, a small side adorning your face.

“Yes, my love?” He looks at you from behind a large box, eyes wide and round.

“I’m proud of you,” You tell him, and he blushes. “Really proud of you.”

“Thanks, Y/N,” He mutters, looking down at the deliveries. “It means a lot coming form you…”

“Well, then you should believe it,” You get up and kiss his cheek on the way back to the kitchen, making some coffee for both of you. “Want milk or not?”

“No, thank you!”

Routine feels like this– this normalcy that you sense from having Jackson in the living room, humming random tunes that are bound to become singles, while you make some coffee; the same normalcy you felt this morning, when he woke you up with breakfast in bed, and the same normalcy you’ll feel tonight, when you both scroll through twitter together, like you’ve done most nights, enjoying the fact that now Bambam has nothing better to do than roast people publicly.

“Y/N, love, come here!”

“Just a second!” You put his coffee in his favorite lime green mug, and, taking your own mug, you waddle back to the living room. “Yes, honey?”

According to the other guys, you and Jackson had always been the most lovey-dovey couple, abusing pet names like there is no tomorrow, but you to always laugh it off, enjoying the little world you create every time he calls you a different lovely nickname.

“Can you try this on for me?” He holds a black velvet puffer jacket and throws it to you. “It’s a size up than your usual, but I think you’ll look fire with an oversized one.”

His enthusiasm is palpable and when you take off your hoodie to try on the jacket, you hear him giggling.

“Are you filming me?” You question once you notice the phone in his hands.

“Of course I’m filming you,” Jackson scoffs as if you had asked the most obvious question in the world. “You look hot wearing Team Wang design.”

You only realize you are wearing Team Wang from head to toe once he points out; you have one of their sweatpants that you hastily put on this morning to finish some work due in the afternoon, and underneath the hoodie, also belonging to your beloved’s company, you had one of their white t-shirts.

“Oh my god,” You gasp. “I feel so expensive.”

“Wha–“

“I could never afford this,” You mumble under your breath, laughing at his reaction.

“Just try the jacket on,” He grumbles, and when you finally do what he says, the excitement is back. Jackson gets into business mode and soon you are being prepped for a photoshoot by your fiancee. He positions you near the window, and, using the sunlight in his favor, gives you one of the new collection’s cap. Now you truly are Team Wang from head to toe, and he snaps picture after picture, directing you to the best of his abilities. You laugh at the faces he makes, and you enjoy the attention, still not being used to receiving so much of Jackson for so long. Usually, he’d been whisked away already, something about a schedule to follow through. But now, as he showers you with compliments, feeling proud of his work, you feel like he is truly happy.

“Let me see, let me see,” You say after he’s done, jumping where he is sitting on the couch looking through the many photos he took. “You’re not going to post that, right?”

His head snaps up at you, and he is quick to put his phone aside and pull you to sit on his lap.

“Why not?” He questions, looking deeply into your eyes. “They came out amazing, baby!”

“Jackson,” You chuckle, loving his playfulness. “You can hire the best models out there to promote and display your creation if you want… you are not posting a picture of me as a model.”

“But you are a model,” He raises the phone for you to see the album he already created for the shoot. “My model.”

“Jackson–“

“No, I think you don’t understand,” He chuckles a bit, looking down at where one of his hands hold one of yours. He is blushing, and you caress his face with the other hand. “You’ve been my model for a long while now, Y/N. On many different aspects of life. The way you think, the way you speak, the way you act– It’s always been a huge influence for me; always pushing me to be a better version of myself. I love you, yes, but more than that, I admire you. You’re my idol, baby.”

You don’t know how to express yourself in words– you think there might be none, as you kiss him senseless. With a permanent smile, you kiss him, the man of your dreams and the man of your reality. The one that always tried to fix everything, even if there is nothing to fix; the man that works so hard to provide only the best for himself and those around him; the man that promised to love you forever. You kiss him the only way you see possible. You kiss him with all you have. Love. Passion. Admiration. It’s all a mess of emotions that you can hope get through to him. He pulls away first, pecking your lips slowly and firmly, and then snuggles into you, pulling you down to lay on the couch, and you almost laugh at how comic you two must look, surrounded by boxes.

You can’t help but notice six boxes left unopened.

“Jacks,” You poke his cheek and he hums. “What’s in those boxes?”

He raises his head to look where you are pointing.

“Ah,” He smiles and wiggles his brows. “Those are special treats for the guys. I always sent them previews, ever since I started Team Wang… I don’t see why not keep tradition. I also added some things for their girls, now that they can publicly wear them.”

“That’s really nice of you, my love,” You smile at him, hugging him tighter. “I’m sure they’ll love it. They always comment on it whenever I wear Team Wang.”

“Do you think they’ll like it?” He suddenly asks, a bit nervous. “I designed the bucket hat thinking of Jaebeom hyung, and I think Bam will really enjoy the velvet vest but–“

You shut him up with a kiss, straddling his waist. When you pull away, you can see the anxiety in his face; with Jackson, it’s always in the eyes– all his fears, all his accomplishments, all his feelings. You can read him like a book and you think it’s adorable how much he still dories about his group’s– his family’s– opinion of his endeavors, even though he proved himself again and again that no matter what, GOT7 will always walk beside him, supporting him during everything.

“I think they will absolutely love it,” You scoff, hands holding his face in place to look straight into his surprised eyes. “You know they’ll absolutely love it.”

He nods.

“And do you know why?”

He nods once again.

“Why?” You ask, wanting to hear if from his mouth.

“Because they love me,” He smiles, hands moving up and down on your thighs. “And because I love them, too.”

“And?”

“And because they’re proud of me,” Jackson’s voice grows stronger and more confident with each word that leaves his mouth. “And because I’m proud of me.”

“That’s right, baby,” You soften at his wide smile. “We’re all proud of you. We’re all Team Wang.”

-----------------------------------------

Well... we really are all Team Wang ;) What do you think of this one, my lovelies? I can just imagine Jackson with his cute smile, getting hyped up. If you liked this story, please please please share, comment, like, or anything you feel comfortable doing ❤️ thank you for your endless support, lovelies💕

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flooffybits · 4 years

Text

Ready

Idol: Bae Joohyun

Request: Not exactly

She’s been at the top and has experienced the ups and downs of fame, but when the decision of whether she wants to keep going comes, Irene feels that maybe she’s done enough as Irene Bae and that she wants to see her life more as Bae Joohyun.

Author’s note: May or may not have teared up while writing the first part

Staring at the girls in front of her, the air around them wasn’t the usual playful and hyper atmosphere they’ve all gotten used to for the past years they lived together. Joohyun scanned their faces individually, starting from the youngest until her eyes met Seulgi’s sad eyes.

Yeri, despite her usual playful nature, was trying to hold back tears while she gripped Sooyoung’s hand tightly in her own and the older girl tried to comfort her the best she could while she, herself, was trying to control her emotions from coming out.

“Are you really sure about this?” Seungwan was first to speak, and like usual, Joohyun smiled at the way her friend would always ensure that they were alright despite herself. “Unnie, we aren’t forcing you, but we just want you to be sure about your decision.”

Her eyes met Seulgi’s again, the person she’s had by her side for the past decade or so. The understanding and concern in her features were easily distinguishable by the older woman and she knows.

Seulgi would be a great leader.

“I am.” She answers, her voice soft yet firm. All her life, she’s had to make decision, not only for herself, but for the group. At this moment, this decision of hers would affect both greatly and she’s spent many days and nights, leading up to this moment. “I know that it’s a big step but… I think it’s time that I start living as Joohyun and achieve more as such, instead of Irene.” She says carefully.

“I’ve accomplished a lot, and I’m really thankful for everything but… as Joohyun, there’s still so much that I have yet to do and I think that it’s time that I focus on that aspect of myself.” She tells them and the ‘94 line nods before she turns to look at the two younger girls.

“Yerim-ah, Sooyoung-ah, I know that this is hard on you but just because I won’t be staying in SM doesn’t mean that I won’t be a part of Red Velvet.” She tells them, reaching forward to place a hand on their joined hands and squeezing them with an encouraging smile that it ends up forcing a sob on the youngest girl’s lips.

“We understand, unnie. And it’s okay but you have to know that you did a lot as Joohyun, too.” Sooyoung assures her, showing her that there was no hard feelings. And how could they when all throughout their career, Joohyun has been there, every step of the way and looking after them.

She was Red Velvet’s safety net, but they knew that they could not rely on her forever, and it was only a matter of time until they had to accept that things were going to change.

“Joy is right.” Seulgi spoke up when she placed an arm around her friend and squeezed it. “You don’t have to worry, because no matter what your decision is, we’ll respect it.” She says softly and Joohyun leans against her shoulder with a smile on her face. “Yeah, and like you just said, we’ll still be in touch.” Wendy added as she wiped some of her tears away.

“I’m sorry, it’s just… I’ve gotten so used to having you around.” Yerim sniffled as she wiped her cheeks. “It doesn’t even feel like years. It’s as if I had just debuted with you, yesterday.” She added and the four older women smile at her sentiment.

“We’re still here. The five of us are always going to be a team.” Seungwan nodded to her before she leaned closer to get a good look to her friends - the people she considered her family. “It’s going to take some getting used to, but whatever happens, Red Velvet is always going to have Irene Bae Joohyun in it. We formed as five, so we continue as five.”

Though she’s used to not showing any signs of weakness in front of her girls, Joohyun couldn’t help as tears began to sting her eyes and she had to collect herself while she gripped at Seulgi’s wrist. “Unnie, we promise that we’re going to make you proud.” Sooyoung told her and she smiled softly while nodding her head.

“You already have.”

She spends one last night at the dorm as their leader. But by the time morning came, they make their way to the company to meet with management and some of their managers.

Joohyun holds Yeri’s hand on the way there, and when they get off the van, Joohyun pauses in front of the building just to take the place she’s grown accustomed to for majority of her life and takes in a deep breath.

It’s Seungwan’s hand on her shoulder that brings her back to reality and she offers her a smile before they finally enter the building to finalize everything.

“And you’re sure with this decision?” They knew it was coming, and though Joohyun is a big representative of SME, they understand her decision of not renewing her contract.

“I am. I have also talked with the members about it, and I promise that, even when I am no longer signed to SM, I will still support them.” They were all bracing themselves, knowing that once this meeting was over, everything would be finalized and that would be the end of their time together.

The man stared at them a bit longer before slowly nodding his head. “I see.” He murmurs and then looks back to Joohyun. “You’ve been an exceptional part to the company, Irene, and SM thanks you for your contribution and being part of the family.”

When they wrap up, the five of them sit in the conference room, staring at the table in front of them before Joohyun releases a shaky breath, steeling herself before she looks to the four with a small yet fond smile. “Well… one last show?” After agreeing that they would be doing a special stage for her farewell, they had all agreed, thankful for being given the opportunity to do so.

On the way there, Joohyun takes her phone out and she smiles lightly at the picture set as her homescreen. The lockscreen was all five of them, but when she opens it up, she’s always greeted by your smiling face and she knows that it was time that she no longer had to worry about you because of her work.

Sooyoung catches the look in her eyes and chuckles while poking her shoulder. “How is Y/n, unnie?” She asks curiously since it’s been a while when they last spoke to you.

At the mention of your name, her smile widens a bit more and she holds the device to her chest. “Y/n is doing great, just like always.” She murmurs and the teasing look on Yerim’s face comes back to replace the frown she previously wore.

“You sure are whipped.” She commented and the eldest rolled her eyes, though made no move to deny her statement. Joohyun was way too in love with you to ever deny it.

“What did she say when you told her you weren’t going to continue?” Seulgi asked curiously, knowing full well how much you supported your girlfriend’s career.

The look on Joohyun’s face shifted and she bit her lip while looking back down at her phone. “I… haven’t actually spoken to her about it.” She admits quietly, and the four look perplexed by her answer. “How come?” She looks at Seungwan while fidgeting with her bracelet and then shaking her head.

“I wanted to surprise her a bit. She’s been juggling a lot with work and I’ve been busy, too. So I thought I could do something really nice for her when I do tell her.”

The Canadian stares at her for a while, trying to understand her words when Sooyoung squeals beside her. “Are you going to… you know?” The excited smile on her face infects Yerim as her eyes widen. “Are you really?”

Soon enough, Seungwan understands the reason for their questions and raises a brow at their former leader, silently asking for confirmation while the bear stared at them in confusion, still not catching on to what was happening and Joohyun laughed while she nodded her head.

She rummaged through her purse before producing a little velvet box, prompting all four girls to scream inside the van, never mind the driver that was in front.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe it’s finally happening!”

“Can we help with planning?”

“I think I’m going to cry again.”

“I’m ready for tiny Irene and Y/n!”

For how long they’ve known your and Joohyun’s relationship, they were certain that you would end up together. The conversation came up every now and then and you would both grow flustered at their enthusiasm. But there were nights where you both laid in bed and did talk about the possibility of it.

Though you both knew that it would be difficult, add to the fact that it was still taboo for Korea, Joohyun knew, deep down, that you were it for her.

Her soulmate, the love of her life.

So with this being the first step as Bae Joohyun, she needed your yes before she could proceed with everything else.

Because for Joohyun, her biggest accomplishment would have to be marrying the person that had stolen her heart, and eventually have the family she’s always wanted with you.

She may not have started this career with you, but she was thankful for it. This job brought her, sisters that would last a lifetime, and eventually, the only person she wanted to share that lifetime with.

Irene has done a splendid job.

But as she takes a bow and exits the stage, Joohyun was ready to explore the world with you next to her.

#girl group #girl group scenarios #girl group imagines #red velvet #red velvet scenarios #red velvet imagines #irene #irene bae #bae joohyun #red velvet irene #irene scenarios #irene imagines

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redrosesartcabin · 3 years

Text

The cave incident: Kenji x first perspective reader pt. 1 of 2

(This is happening between season 2 and season 3. So, basically whatever is to happen in season 3 hasn’t happened yet but the entirety of season 2 has)

(I hope you like this little intro and tell me if you like this kinda story and writing style. You can also give me requests for one shots if you like. That being said: I hope you like the story!)

Relieved yet kind of saddened, that yet another rescue had failed, we stood there, looking out at the sea. I still couldn’t believe Ben was alive. Or that the only people that had the capacity to safe us had been evil. It was all so overwhelming.

After a while of contemplating our fates, we had decided to drive back for now to the treehouse we had built to think about our next step and get some rest. Because as Darius had put it: We were done waiting for the rescue.

Since we were a big group we had to travel back in two groups. One riding on Bumpy and one on the motorcycle. Since the motorcycle was harder to ride we argued back and forth who would ride on it until all eyes were stuck on Kenji.

“Can’t anyone else ride a motorcycle here?”, Kenji asked with a long groan but received no positive feedback, which led him to let out another typical groan.

I had to hold back an amused laugh as he did. He was adorable when he would lay down his rich, cool, unimpressed guy act…

Yeah… I have a crush on him.

I know: A bad timing to be falling for someone. We barely have time to sit down! But maybe it was exactly that environment and these circumstances that had made it possible for me to fall for him.

It had made it possible for him to grow as person, or rather ‘ungrow’ the person he had become because of how he was raised. Because though he had always looked good to me, he had appeared rather… not that nice. But now: Gosh now I could swoon all day…

Anyhow, I digress: What I was able convince him to ride the motorcycle again. With me of course. I wouldn’t pass that opportunity.

“Hey”, I said, “I know you are exhausted, but you are the only one who can ride it, plus: It’s too heavy for Bumpy to carry us all and we’d be too crowded. One of us would fall off her for sure! Come on: I’ll even forego riding on Bumpy and accompany you”

He let out a sigh, but quickly gave in and agreed with a light smile. My heart fluttered at that and I could feel my cheeks grow bright red. I hoped he didn’t notice, but he seemed to be oblivious to it as he had to all other instances where it could’ve been obvious that I was crushing hard.

Unlike Brooklyn who gave me a cheeky grin and mouthed something that I was sure meant ‘you are so into him’. Typical Brooklyn: She notices everything.

She had been doing that for at least two weeks now and every time I gave her a death glare, that she however would just laugh at. She knew she was right, and I did too. It was just a matter of me being too chicken and fearing the friendship I had miraculously been able to build with him, would be destroyed if I confessed I had these kinda feelings for him.

Surprisingly, over our time together I had to recognize that we had more in common than I thought. Besides being the same age, we also both hated math and liked bowling. Though Kenji and I had to admit that we probably weren’t very good at it. In my case it was because I didn’t get to do it often, in Kenji’s case it was because his father’s staff would always let him win and thusly, he hadn’t gotten proper practice. He had told me that with a laugh, as if though it was supposed to be amusing, but really, I could see the pain in his eyes.

One could say his life of wealthiness gave him a lot of incredible privileges and made his life in many aspects easier for him than for others. But in truth, being treated that differently, like a little child, a being from out of space, or like some kinda god even, when you are neither of these things, messes with you after a while. You are treated that way, but when you act it, you are hated. Why? You don’t understand. How could you understand? Aren’t you the most important person in the world? Deep down you know you aren’t, and you feel it most when you don’t receive the affection a human being craves for. He has a father, but he didn’t grow up with one. He grew up with servants. Wealthiness was his parent.

And suddenly I had understood where he was coming from, why he acted the way he did.

I never directly told him, that I understand it, because there was still too much pride in him to admit it. I had decided, it was better to just listen and engage in conversation with him, even if he acts immature in certain situations.

And I had been right.

And so, we connected. As friends. Though to me it quickly became more than that.

It felt wrong though, in this situation. Was it just the drill of it all? The hormones going crazy? A savior complex?

He wasn’t a bad person though. He wasn’t inherently abusive, so he didn’t need a savior, someone to make him ‘right’. He needed someone who understood that beautiful person he was hiding. Also: What kind of drill we lived through could make you fall in love? Seeing the other person screaming and seething in the dirt, on the run from a dinosaur? Yeah: Very attractive (that was sarcasm if that wasn’t obvious).

‘This is all stupid’, I thought as I was leaning against his back, my arms wrapped around his stomach and chest as we were riding in a comfortable silence along the jungle, ‘this entire thought process is just a way to tell myself that these feelings aren’t real, so that I can run away from it forever’. I sighed, trying to forget my overthinking for once.

I loved this moment. The warmth I felt as I was cuddled against him. Riding with him was a good excuse for proximity I’d otherwise would never get-

But it was rudely interrupted by a shove that came from the right.

We didn’t see the dinosaur coming, or at least not soon enough. It was just too fast.

The motorcycle went flying down a steep hill we had been driving by. I heard our screams as we came crashing down in what seemed to be slow motion moment.

With all his might, Kenji tried turning the bike around to get some footing again, but only managed to find stability enough so that we wouldn’t fall to our death by being crushed by the vehicle and twisting our bodies, but instead fall, with the tires on the downside, into a big hole in the ground. It reminded me of a cave with an open ceiling.

The motorcycle finally came to a hold. We were breathing heavily, still in shock.

At the same time, we turned our heads up.

The hole wasn’t that deep, but just deep enough we couldn’t get out so easily.

“Oh no”, we said at the same time.

“Looks like we are stuck here”

#kenji camp cretaceous #camp cretaceous #camp cretaceous fanfiction #cc ff #fanfiction #ff #kenji x reader #kenji camp cretaceous x reader #self indulgent af #I hope the few of you who wanted this will like it #kenji kon

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zigtheeortega · 3 years

Audio

PLATINUM WEEKEND PLAYLIST

in a spurt of energy i decided to finish the playlist i’d been working on for a while! this turned into a raleigh playlist, and i’m a little sorry about it but not really :/ this playlist is nsfw and all of the descriptions are under the cut! [there’s a line separating the spanish-language songs’ explanations]

1. anywhere

we can make love on the bedroom / floating on top of my waterbed / i'm kissing you / running my fingers through your hair / in the hallway / making our way beside the stairs / we can do it anywhere

most singers are influenced by their predecessors, so i have no doubt that raleigh listened to old r&b groups and practiced lead vocals, background vocals, & harmonies to them in the shower. this one stands out to me because i think it captures just the right amount of smooth sensual energy that raleigh exudes at all times. 112 is immaculate and no doubt one of raleigh’s favs.

2. nasty

promise I'ma give it to you like you never had it / i do it so good, it's gon' be hard to break the habit / you're like a whole constellation / swimming like you on vacation / promise i'm still gonna love you when you wake up in the a.m.

you can’t convince me that raleigh didn’t listen to ariana’s album when it dropped and went absolutely wide eyed when they heard these lyrics like “she really went there...” – but then it became a staple of every ~secret playlist to do the horizontal polka to~

3. sex money feelings die

all my lights off when i wake up / tears under my makeup / your lips will stay shut / wanna wake up, break up / i don't wanna think about, think about you / drink up, drink up / i'm so fucked up / all i want is you / no, i don't wanna think about, think about you / sex money feelings die / baby don't you cry

so this is the song i’ve latched onto for my mc dom. i have a headcanon (i think i’ve said it on main a lot, and i’ve even made edits for it) that after the breakup, which everyone else thinks is real, but they think is fake, but is actually real, dom drives to the studio super late at night and just belts out the lyrics while sobbing just to get them off of her shoulders. and it accidentally becomes a hit! which makes raleigh feel even more like shit

4. facetime

back up all that shit you talking / facetimin' my baby tonight, oh / bet you wanna cop a feel / bet you wonder if it's real / facetimin' my baby tonight / and when you coming home / i'm gon' give you all of my love / i'm gon' put it on you / i said ooh you a hell of a drug

not to get too in detail but raleigh is an ~active~ individual, so i have no doubt that during long tours, they’re facetiming mc for some quality time. and this one’s just sensual and sweet like raleigh’s relationship is so!

5. only 1

i know all the competition that's after you / so i get to thinking, is this too good to be true? / i can't, be your, only one / no i can't, be your only one / 'cause you look twice as good as anyone i ever met / and your love is three times better / how could anyone forget? / as I'm layin' down, with you every night / it still gets to me, that you remain by my side / i ain't saying that i'm not deservin' of you / but i was dreaming, bigger than i ever knew

raleigh’s convinced they don’t deserve someone as good as the mc and this for sure seems to be one of those songs that they heard when ari’s album dropped and they were like “jeez this is sappy” then they turn out to relate to it super hard like the clown they are

6. kissin’ on my tattoos

now i ain't ever been the jealous type of guy / but i want you to myself, i can't lie / i know we ain't on no one on one thing / but baby, it should change / 'cause when i be out with other chicks i be thinking 'bout you / and when you be out on dates you be texting me too / i don't want nobody but you / kissin' on my tattoos / i don't want nobody but me / talkin' to you / until you fall asleep / we better stop playing (we better stop playing) / before we mess around and someone gets hurt

now this... this is THE quintessential raleigh song for me. like when i think of raleigh this is THE first song that comes to mind. the entire song beginning to end is raleigh singing about mc. like i am convinced if this existed in their universe, they ghostwrote it for mc. genuinely the MOST raleigh song in existence and i cannot be convinced otherwise

7. life of an outlaw

not gonna put the lyrics but this would absolutely be on one of raleigh’s playlists that they play pre-concert to get hyped up, or a workout playlist. i just feel it in my bones that their fav music is from the 90′s ok

8. watch ‘n’ learn

i'ma do it, do it, do it / on the bed, on the floor, on the couch / only 'cause your lips say make it to my mouth / just because i can't kiss back / doesn't mean you can't kiss that / baby all i need / all doing on me / like you aimed to please / show me how much you mean it / by the way that you please me, baby

another song on their freaky deeky playlist ! i know raleigh’s prob tried to get with rihanna at least once in their lives

9. freaky girls

i'ma be your freak any time or place, any day of the week / said i'ma let you hit it, i ain't scared, i ain't shy, it's cool with me

yet ANOTHER song on their freaky deeky playlist ! sorry im not taking this more seriously im just daydreaming ab the songs that raleigh would add to their secret playlists

10. thinkin’ bout you

thinking bout ya, dreaming bout ya / i don't wanna be without ya / pillow talking, heaven walking / been about ya, still about ya / you ain't gotta worry bout it, baby girl, you know i got you / drinking out the bottle to deal with all my problems like / i should call / i thought i had the right one the last time around

god this is post breakup raleigh through and through. i have a hc that raleigh ghostwrites a lot of songs for people especially ones that fuck with their brand – they collabed on this with micah and a popular rapper and micah was like :/ come on now raleigh i KNOW who this is about

11. un-thinkable

moment of honesty / someone's gotta take the lead tonight, who's it gonna be? / i'm gonna sit right here and tell you all that comes to me / if you have something to say, you should say it right now / you give me a feeling that i never felt before / and i deserve it, i think i deserve it / it's becoming something that's impossible to ignore / and i can't take it / i know you said to me / this is exactly how it should feel when it's meant to be

raleigh’s confession!!!!!!!! lord this reminds me of when they were on the beach together just talking and vibing – or really any time that they took

12. kiss it better

been waiting on that sunshine / boy, I think I need that back / can't do it like that / no one else gonna get it like that / man, fuck your pride, just take it on back, boy / take it on back boy, take it back all night / what are you willing to do? / oh, tell me what you're willing to do? / kiss it, kiss it better, baby

i think raleigh would cover this omg and maybe im biased bc it’s my fav song of all time but it just exudes raleigh energy!! plus i think this might be on their freaky deeky playlist LMAO

13. unrequited love

lost in the flames of love / unrequited love / time won't always heal / and it eats at my mind / because you're the one that got away / sometimes i feel alone / tried to hold my breath / somewhere deep in space / and i felt like you understood / what it truly means to be in love / now i'm wide open, it's so hard to focus / now that it's the end, i guess you'll always be / the one that got away

you know raleigh was super in their feelings after the breakup – i don’t think they knew how fast they’d fall for the mc. even if they didn’t admit it out loud, i think they were convinced they wouldn’t find someone like the mc again. anyways this song is sad as hell

14. you’re mine

come a little closer / let me tell you something / eat your ego honey / honey swallow your pride / i spotted you the second you walked in the building / i knew that you had let me get you high / i wanna hear the things you say when no-one's listening / no one's gonna save you / use you up and break you / i'm the one who plagues you every night / 'cause you're mine.

so the song itself is ab a toxic relationship, but tbh i can picture my mc dom and raleigh singing this duet on stage together and the chemistry would be absolutely off the charts oh my god.

––––

[disclaimer, i do not speak spanish, but i grew up listening to it and a lot of them have a lot of significance to me – i hope the rough translations i found online will do! some of them are very rough so i’ll just put the spanish lyrics]

so with all of these spanish songs im convinced that raleigh would cover any of these! most of them are really romantic and have the same vibe as what i imagine raleigh would have !! not gonna do a lot of explaining here because i think this explanation speaks for itself

15. viento

préstame tu peine / y péiname el alma / desenrédame / fuera de este mundo / dime que no / estoy sonándote / enséñame / de que estamos hechos.

lend me your comb / and comb my soul / untangle me / away from this world / tell me i'm not / dreaming of you / show me / what we’re made of

16. visita

que no es gusto, no es mi voluntad / que es lo que te digo / que aunque no me veas yo voi a estar / siempre contigo / la semana me parte en dos / de viernes a domingo / tu visita me repara cuando nos conecta entonces / quiero que te vengas a vivir, todos los dias conmigo

do not have a translation that makes a lot of grammatical sense for this one, but it’s generally about wanting to be closer to each other and move in together rather than visiting! it’s a really sweet song and the distance aspect reminds me of raleigh and mc

17. te quiero

te quiero / no, ya no me llores / no me vayas a hacer / llorar a mí / dame, dame tu mano / intentalo, mi niña / quiero verte reir / necesito verte / donde quiera que estes / te quiero, te quiero, te quiero / y no hago otra cosa / que pensar en ti / solo vivo y respiro / para ti

i love you / no, don’t cry for me anymore / don’t make me cry / give me, give me your hand / try, my darling / i want to see you laughing / i need to see you / wherever you are / i love you, i love you, i love you / i don’t do anything else / than thinking about you / i only live and breath / for you

imagining raleigh singing this for mc......... swoooooon

18. maría

not offering a translation, but it’s a sad song that i think raleigh would potentially cover!

19. efímera

nos miramos a través del cuerpo y la piel / se conectaron nuestras almas / es que tus ojos de miel deslumbran mi ser / cuando la oscuridad me atrapa / cuando me besas / me siento en otra parte / me hierve la sangre / me derrite el corazón

we saw each other through our bodies and skin / our souls connected / its cause your honey colored eyes dazzle my being / when the darkness traps me / when you kiss me / i feel like i’m in another place / my blood boils / it melts my heart

“it’s like every song i’ve ever written was about you” this is one of em for sure

20. obsesion

son las cinco de la mañana y no he dormido nada / pensado en tu belleza en loco voy a parar / el insomnio es me castigo, tu amor será mi alivio / y hasta que no seas mía, no viviré en paz

it’s five in the morning and i haven’t slept at all / thinking bout your beauty, i’m gonna end up crazy / insomnia is my punishment, your love will be my relief / and until you’re mine, i will not live in peace

raleigh and mc would duet this!!!! the lyrics themselves aren’t really about their relationship but i think the vocals would be perfect for them

21. quiero ver

quiero ver tu risa todo el día / escuchar la melodía de tu voz / quisiera ser el brillo de tus ojos / el peine que desnuda tu esplendor / la esquina que te ve cuando caminas / y quiero ser tu último dolor / te pido que me cures esta herida / yo sé muy bien que no es tu obligación / tan sólo si amortiguas mi caída / será mi salvación

i want to see your smile all day / listen to the melody of your voice / i wish i could be the brightness of your eyes / the comb that undresses your splendor / the corner that sees you when you walk / i want to be your last pain / i ask you to heal this wound / i know very well it’s not your obligation / just only if you cushion my fall / it’ll be my salvation

this one makes me so soft oh my god and its another “it’s like every song i’ve ever written was about you” type of song

22. más que tu amigo

es un secreto / que tan solo quiero compartir / con esos ojos / que le han dado luz a mi vivir / y en esta noche no hay más luna / que como tú me alumbre más / que en mi alma crece una fortuna / por tanta dicha que me das / te quiero, te quiero / se oye en mi pecho / es el grande amor que me has hecho / latido a latido / te siento conmigo / yo quiero ser más que tu amigo

it is a secret / i just want to share / with those eyes / that give me light to live / and tonight there is no more moon / that shines on em as brightly as you do / in my soul grows a fortune / for such happiness that you bring me / i love you, i love you / you can hear in my chest / it’s the great love you’ve made me / heartbeat to heartbeat / i feel you with me / i want to be more than your friend

god i can just imagine them singing this to mc teasingly during their fake relationship and she’s like “sounds pretty i love your voice” but it’s really a confession AHHH

23. peligroso pop

no explanation on this one either! i just think this spanglish song would no doubt be on a playlist of raleigh’s !!! i’m also imagining raleigh dancing to this or going to this artists’ concert or something. idk it just reminds me of him !!!

24. eres

aquí estoy a tu lado / y espero aquí sentado hasta el final / no te has imaginado / lo que por tí esperado, pues eres / lo que yo amo en éste mundo, eso eres / cada minuto lo que pienso, eso eres / lo que más cuido en este mundo, eso eres

here i am by your side / and i’ll wait here, sitting, until the end / you haven’t imagined / what i’ve waited for you, because you are / what i love in this world, that’s what you are / every minute in what i think, that’s what you are / what i treasure most in this world, that’s what you are

this entire song is raleigh singing to mc, but like this little section is just SO sappy. that one line i keep mentioning? yeah that’s this song

25. locos

estoy contento de tenerte cerca / muy cerca de mí / que me digas loco / que me des besos / y que te rías de mí / y sé que nunca te lo he dicho / y me da miedo confesar / pero antes, quiero besarte / que llevo loco, tratando de decirte / que ya no puedo vivir sin ti

i’m happy because you’re close / very close to me / cause you call me crazy / cause you give me kisses / and laugh at me / and i know i’ve never told you this / and i’m afraid to confess / but first, i want to kiss you / i’m crazy, trying to tell you / that i can no longer live without you

god this reminds me of raleigh so much like ??? ok i dont know if this makes sense but imagine raleigh not being able to quite say the words they’re feeling so they just sing a song in spanish instead because they one, express their feelings through lyrics better and two, they know mc doesn’t understand spanish (this is specifically for non spanish speaking mcs)

26. no te puedo olvidar

sé que nunca me equivoqué / en lo que siento / y cuando me tocas la piel / me desvanezco / sé que miraremos a la última estrella / así nos conectaremos / yo te necesito más de lo que piensas / más de lo que puedo creer / vives en mí y en mi materia / no te quedo olvidar

i know i was never wrong / about what i feel / and when you touch my skin / i vanish / i know we’re gonna stare at the last star / that’s how we’ll connect / and i need you more than you can imagine / more than you can believe / you live in me and in my matter / i can’t forget you

this is one of the most romantic songs i swear to gooooddddd i think if raleigh and mc ever broke up this would be what they wrote afterwards – but also i think in general he’d write this about her without the breakup ! idk i’m just in love with this song. anyways

OKAY I’M DONE RAMBLING I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS PLAYLIST !!!! this is what i’ve been listening to while i’ve been reblogging posts today !!!

#playchoices #platinum #platinumweekend #raleigh carrera #raleigh carrera x mc #playlist

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hopeswriting · 3 years

Text

Modern AU (Adult!)Arcobaleno on socials media though. While Flames and mafia are definitely still a thing.

Now I’m by no means well acquainted to all the different popular socials media, but here’s my humble take:

Reborn on Instagram.

He only has pictures of Leon first and foremost, with him in the background in one of his ridiculous but very well-made cosplay. Leon of course also wears the same cosplay as him.

He never shows his full face in any of the pictures, but just enough his followers know he’s handsome as fuck.

The artists/photoshoppers among them regularly put the pieces together to see how he could look like, but in a funny-and-obviously-purposefully-wrong way only.

Reborn loves them and saves them all.

------

Once in a blue moon he does post a picture of himself where you can see him clearly all dressed up and fancy, and then immediately deletes it.

But only after he’s sure it has been seen, so he can watch his followers lose their shit while drinking a nice espresso.

They try hard, but so far none of them managed to save any of the pictures before he deletes them.

------

Often there’s what suspiciously looks like blood stains on their clothes and straight up dead bodies lying in the background, but Reborn went so passive-aggressive with the few who dared to ask, everyone is too afraid to ask now.

Anyone who badmouths Leon in any way is instantly blocked. But only after Reborn ripped them a new one AND let his followers do it too.

Skull on Twitter and Snapchat.

He tweets the most random, out of nowhere, highly worrying things, that always sent his followers in a frenzy trying to figure out why the fuck he would think of any of this in the first place??

“aren’t you ever tried of your solid, rigid, restrictive bones? don’t you want to just be Luffy from One Piece, a rubber being that can shape themself in whatever way they wish?”

or:

“nobody ever tells you this, but the stress of picking apart melted leather from your burnt skin before it heals is VERY worth the adrenaline of making fire your BITCH”

or:

“is it REALLY illegal if you break in and eat the food but leave money behind??”

------

That’s just his Twitter only followers though.

The ones on Snapchat have the privilege to watch him stumble head first step by step to his tweets, and are actually very involved and active spectators that keep him out of jail, or killing himself, or killing someone else.

Skull, recording a video, halfway stuck in between two buildings: What’s up guys, there're these guys following me and trying to kill me, quick tell me what bones to break so I can fit in there.

see also:

A picture of Skull crouched in front of a body, posing, that says: don’t worry guys we’re just faking, but hypothetically, if you were to hide a body as quick as possible from here without being seen, what would you do? #hypotheticallyseriousanswersonly #hypotheticallythecopsaremaybeontheirway #quickanswersappreciated

Verde on Facebook.

He creates a public group with only him as member that’s basically his scientific diary.

It’s not really to invite intellectual challenging debates (though he’d be all for it if someone smart enough showed up), but he figures it’s in his best interest to make the world a less dumb place if he can.

It finds his public, though there’s only a few comments because god forbid you say something dumb or inaccurate and Verde fucking annihilates you in the comment section.

But like, in a teacher way. Like he’s genuinely trying to make you know better but he’s just ruthless at it lmao.

Verde uses a fake name and a fake everything so there’s quickly a running joke along the lines of “Imagine if it’s really the genius scientist Verde running the group and you just outed yourself as a flat earther lol”.

------

But what gets the group really popular is the in depth flames theory involving weather of all things they have to assume he came up with it all on his own because they can’t figure out to save their lives what the hell he’s talking about?

And it makes them question their sanity sometimes because Verde talks about it like it’s the most obvious thing and in the context of just about every basic aspects of life.

Cue the conspirators and their hot new take of “the aliens were among us all along and hid themselves as the WEATHER!!!” that instantly turns into the new popular meme.

That, and the transcripts posts of Verde trying his theories that nine out of ten apparently involves very unwilling participants whose life are threatened and sometimes they straight up DIE???

------

They think both of these is just him fucking with them and it’s all fictional. They want to think it is anyway.

They’re not so sure, but everyone is too afraid to ask.

Colonnello on Snapchat.

70% of his content is about Lal because this man is so in love and it’s like he’s a guest on his own account lol.

There’s the “Pining Hard” content where it’s just him trying to seduce Lal, to romance her and asking her out, and Lal brushing all of it off more often than not.

His followers are very invested in this “old bickering married couple type of best friends in oblivious mutual pining” real live action slow burn fic, and cheers him hard whenever Lal reciprocates the tiniest bit.

------

They don’t know the two are already together.

They think Lal brushing him off or flirting back but in an unmistakably joking/”platonic” way is just her being oblivious and not taking Colonnello seriously.

When she would just rather flirt back off camera because it’s her private life thank you very much.

Colonnello never tells them because he assumes they all know and just choose to be in on the joke.

Lal finds it hilarious whenever she goes through his Snapchat (with his permission of course) to find numerous messages of encouragement, so she never says either.

------

But one day she kind of just steals a kiss from him while he’s recording because she wanted to, and his followers lose their shit.

Lal laughs herself to tears and laughs for days.

------

The other Lal’s related content is the “Lal’s loving hours”, where he just takes pictures of her/records her doing random shit---whether it's her making a disaster out of the kitchen, or wearing three pairs of socks because her feet are cold, or beating the shit out of someone---and him doing heart eyes at the camera.

------

Otherwise it’s just him living his life and letting them in on what happens.

There’s a lot of pictures because he’s handsome and he knows it and he likes the compliments aqsdfghj.

Or videos of him going on and on about how energy drinks are really the best drink ever while doing grocery.

Or ranting videos about how bullets wounds are such a pain to deal with and showing himself patching himself up to show how it’s done (thanks??!!??).

Or him watching series and roasting the characters for their dumb decisions.

Or him commenting in real time an assassination attempt on him in the middle of the night in his own fucking home because the fucker sure is ballsy (????!!!!!!???).

It’s very popular too because of how relatable it is.

Well, most of the time anyway.

Viper on Youtube.

They have a DIY type of channel, mostly about fashion---what they think about the new products/clothes they bought from their favorite brand, their thoughts on the new fashion trend, their makeup/skin care routine and favorite outfits for various circumstances, or they’re often on live while going shopping.

(I just really like Fashionista!Viper okay.)

They play videos games too, thinking they’re being very good while being very average to not say they straight up suck asdfghj.

Occasionally do reaction videos too.

------

Like Reborn they hardly ever show their face. Actually they don’t show it at all lol. They wear masks to do their videos because a hood is not very reliable.

How do they do their makeup videos then you ask?

They use "volunteer" as models of course.

And by volunteers I mean the Varia qsdftgyhjkl.

------

They also have another very peculiar brand of videos that is the most popular one on their channel. The titles of these videos include but are not limited to:

“A Due Payment Of Yours Is Late? How To Hunt Them For Sport”

“A Little Bitch Doesn’t Respect Your Pronouns/Chosen Name? Step By Step On How To Make Them Shut The Fuck Up Forever”

“How To Efficiently Remove Blood And Various Others Human Residue From Your Clothes”

“Faking Your Death And Taking On A New Identity: Step By Step Tutorial”

“How To Take Over Your Friends Brains And Watch Them Prank Themselves ft. The Varia”

Fon on Tumblr.

His blog becomes known as a shitpost blog or a blog run by a bot when really, everything he posts is about actual, very real events that happened in his life.

Except he vague posts every time because he really wants to keep his anonymity.

He posts about the hardships of learning more and more martial arts and staying at the top of the art, and sounds like some dangerous psychopath.

“The body is such a fragile thing, isn’t it? It tends to break quite easily unfortunately. You’d think I’d know that by then, but I really need to remember it more often so I can keep enjoying myself.”

He’s talking about how he always pushes himself too much in training and ends up injuring himself.

“Everyday I dispose of them and reasserts my superiority, and everyday they come back and it’s really hard to not hurt them beyond repair.”

He’s talking about how he’s often challenged by other martial artists who don’t like him being the best and how he always has to beat them up bloody for them to give up.

He also posts about his family's live except it’s the Hibari’s family live, and he doesn’t sound more sane of mind at all.

“I made the mistake of taking Kyo with me on my grocery trip and picked on his tell-tale signs of going through a bad day too late.

But fortunately the shop is still standing and no one was heavily injured.”

or:

“It’s so heartwarming to see Kyo make friends. The brown haired kid didn’t put much of a fight but the one with the pineapple haircut has potential.

He almost managed to stab him that one time, and I can’t wait to tease Kyo about it. He’s very cute when annoyed and embarrassed.”

or:

“Often I look back to the day Kyo got his tonfa and I am always infinitely grateful for this not-so-easy-to-kill-with weapon.

I would like for him to at least finish high school first.”

Yeah it’s very often about Kyoya lmao. And no one knows for sure what in the world a “Kyo” is supposed to be???

An actual human being is NOT the most popular theory qsdfghn.

Lal on TikTok.

I guess?? I’m kind of running out of ideas lol, and I know very little about TikTok.

But I’m thinking she makes a series of videos where she looks straight into the camera like she’s on The Office while some bullshit or the other happens in the background.

And it’s not even always her friends or coworkers or Colonnello (yeah he has a category of his own lmao).

As far as she is concerned everyone who chooses to be a fucking dumbass in her vicinity is asking for it aqsdfghj.

------

Also has a “Doing paperwork” series, and the later at night she’s doing it, the more she’s absolutely fucking done with people not being able to do their job properly without collateral damage.

She dryly reads out loud the highlights of the reports and goes straight for their lives lol.

But as funny as it is, everyone is more interested in the very questionable out of context content of these reports???

------

Also does workout videos, as in she demonstrates how to do this one or other exercise, and if these do particularly well it has nothing to do with how people want to look respectfully at her body, of course not.

ALSO has a “Colonnello’s Loving Hours” series because you better believe this woman is also so much in love.

She records him when he’s simply existing---whether he’s snuggling besides her while they’re watching TV, or dancing in the kitchen while cooking, or cleaning his guns---while looking at the camera with this tender, content expression on her face.

They become known as the Weather Lovers because boy, do these people like to go on about their favorite weather. Some shipping might even be involved??

It’s how their community introduces them to each other.

Cue even more chaos on their respective socials medias.

Viper’s video of their first meeting is the most popular one on their channel.

Yeah I know, I didn’t add the Sky Arco ladies, but I have no idea what they could do. Pinterest maybe? Or Vine? Dunno, they’re all yours guys lol.

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #khr au #khr arcobaleno #khr socials media au #the mafia in general on socials media though #like you're undercover for some hit or the other #but isn't it fucking suspicious how alfredo and marco are always on the exact same location on the snapchat map??#or trying to keep your civilian loved ones in the dark #but they went through your mafia friends account and they talk about you in a very you're obviously not a civilian manner #or you're showing your boss a possible talented new recruit profile #and a message of his wife pops on screen that leaves no room to misunderstanting asdfghj #just the fact that it'd indeniably make their job so much harder #but no one would care bcause VALIDATION #anyway #mine

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themilky-way · 4 years

Text

learning to love {loki odinson}

gif credit: hcney-gcld on tumblr

pairing: loki odinson x female! reader

summary: being a high-tech scientist, you spend years of your life studying the norse god who wreaked havoc in new york a while back. what happens when you’re offered an opportunity to interview him?

warnings: minor violence, hints of ptsd, and a little bit of angst

author’s note: i am in no way, shape, or form trying to romanticize violence OR ptsd! this is just something i thought of while rewatching the mcu so i hope u guys like it :)

-------

everything that you had believed to be a myth, or simply a way for teenagers to get a thrill from while watching a film, was apparently real. aliens did in fact exist, and they entered your planet through a giant wormhole right above your apartment building. you, much like the rest of new york, went into a panic and tried to secure your windows and doors as much as you could. in one instance, you were rushing to secure the locks on your windows and pull the curtains down to avoid detection, but a tall figure caught your attention. he wasn’t an alien, features and overall structure proving so, but he wasn’t exactly afraid of his surroundings. he walked around the edge of the tower he was on with a proud expression, and you could’ve sworn he formed the tiniest evil smirk. the staff he held began to glow a bright blue, and then he shot at a nearby building, causing it to crumble and fall to the ground. you quickly reached the conclusion that this man was also an alien, and that he was probably the one controlling the terrifying army of creatures.

and at last, he saw you. your hands were shakily still holding both sides of the curtains and you were too scared to move a muscle. you felt something deep in your stomach, fear, inch its way throughout your body as he gave you that same heinous smile before raising his staff towards your window. you saw his free hand raise to give you a little wave as if motioning goodbye, and you felt your eyes sting with tears, realizing you were quite clearly about to die. you let go of the curtains and started walking backwards slowly, hands reaching to cover your mouth as you let out a choked sob. you kept moving until you were about to hit the edge of your coffee table when you saw a red and gold suit fly to where the man was. he pointed his palm towards his adversary and before you were able to blink, he shot the man with what seemed like some sort of energy. your hands reached up to hold your head in both relief and confusion and let out the breath you were holding in. you witnessed the man in the armor get into an intense battle with the enemy, but you didn’t stay long enough to find out who’d win. gathering your essentials, you quickly made your way to your car and hope that you could get out of new york undetected.

and you did. you managed to travel to your mom’s house a couple hours from the city, and she helped you settle in and provide for you until you were back on your feet again. you thanked the universe for her support, and you paid her back in every way possible. nonetheless, you returned back to the city with a goal in mind: to find out who the hell tried to kill you. you enrolled in self-defense classes, found a well-paying job at a laboratory to keep you stable, and used your knowledge of science to investigate other possible worlds and dimensions. eventually, your research consumed you. in simpler words, it was all you could do. your relationship with science became unhealthy, and the data you acquired on the species that terrorized you and your home always reached a dead end, forcing you to start all over again.

however, the cycle ended when you came across a blog on an ancient religions and mythical beings. it was almost silly to you; a profound scientist who studies cells and relies on the evidence of evolution reading everything about norse mythology on the internet. one deity in particular caught your attention, though. you skimmed through the written traits and aspects of the ancient god, learning that he was highly recognized for causing chaos and tricking others. you kept scrolling, and when you reached the visual representation of the being, you froze. displayed on your screen was a dark haired man, locks reaching down to his shoulders and slicked back. his skin was pale and had the most piercing green eyes; the same ones that had made your skin crawl when they had met yours. his armor shaded a dark emerald green with small portions of it colored a deep gold, and to top it off, a horned helmet. what made everything much more unnerving was the staff he carried. it was identical to the one he’d pointed at you, the same sapphire blue radiating from the angled tip of it.

this was him. this was the man who tried to kill you, and the one who actually did kill hundreds more. your mind couldn’t comprehend it in the slightest. no matter how hard you pinched your arm to wake up from this dream you didn’t move because it wasn’t a dream. it was real. every horrifying and cruel bit of it.

after your discovery, your focus shifted from humanoid species to old norse anecdotes. you read and watched everything that had to do with the trickster, now known to you as loki, and expanded your knowledge about him. you sought out experts on the religion and inquired about ways to communicate with the celestials, but your investigations were once again leading you nowhere. the smallest of leads that you found made your hopes rise, but they would always come crashing down when you couldn’t any probe deeper. your endless cycle started up once more, giving you two additional years of stress and hardships.

all of this, though, ended when you received a phone call from tony stark. how he managed to get your phone number was a mystery of its own, but you weren’t going to allow the opportunity he was offering you to slip from your hands. they managed to capture loki when he came back down to earth undercover. stark, hearing about a scientist centered on finding out the intentions of the god, had performed his own background check on you and identified you. so, being the sweet multi-billionaire that he was, offered you an exclusive interview with loki. it was perfect; all of your sweat and tears that had gone into this project was finally paying off.

grabbing your notepad, pen, and car keys, you headed down to your car in the parking garage below your building. you didn’t really know what you should’ve been feeling. you were about to interview, more or less confront, the god who had almost killed you. so yes, you were scared, angry, and prepared to blow this guy’s teeth out if you could get the chance. but another part of you was relieved and prepared to do this. if things did go south, you were ready to defend yourself, and it eased you a little more when you remembered the avengers would be protecting you as well.

tony introduced you to the rest of the team and they all gave a firm handshake on their part while thanking you for your collaboration. bruce banner quickly took a liking to you and promised you to take you around his own laboratory to discuss challenging scientific topics, to which you eagerly agreed.

and then the moment finally came. tony had led you to the front of a large metal door that was electronically secured by a keypad to the side. he raised his hand to input the correct numerical sequence, but before he did so he turned to you.

“look kid, it might get intense in there. he might try to get under your skin, but don’t let it get to you. if you need us, just press the button under your chair,” he spoke low and his tone was serious, which made the severity of this interview far more critical. you took a deep breath, exhaling slowly and nodded.

clutching your notebook tightly to your chest, you replied, “i won’t. thank you again, sir.” he offered you a smile and turned to key in the password. the door opened slowly with a swoosh, and he extended his hand you so you could pass him. as soon as you saw the man seated in front of you, your breath hitched.

his eyes, those same damn eyes, looked up at you and took you in. he raked them up and down your form but his face was cold and expressionless. it became apparent to him that he already knew who you were before you even stuttered out a word. his eyes leveled to yours before he turned away. weird, you thought.

unlike his own, you sat down in cushioned chair in front of him and opened your notebook, clicking the pen down to begin writing. the sound brought his eyes to your hands, widening a bit as though he were scared of it. his hands were tied behind him in what you imagined to be high tech restraints instead of regular handcuffs, so you cleared your throat.

“relax, it’s just a pen. so i can write with.”

he didn’t say anything, just turned his head down to stare at the tip of his shoes. his chest became composed again, though, and it brought him some sort of ease knowing that you didn’t plan on attacking him (but you did think about it).

“i would normally introduce myself, but it appears that you already know who i am,” you voiced loud and clear, a sudden urge of confidence washing through you. “may i begin?”

he scoffed lightly at your question, before he looked back up to look at you dead in the eye. “please do, darling.”

the annoyance in his words sent chills down your spine, knowing that if it weren’t for the restraints around his wrists, he’d be killing you in an instant, again.

you initiated the interview, and inquired all sorts of subjects. how did you find our dimension? what type of species were those that you sent down? does your genetic code differ from the mortals here on earth?

all in all, loki had done a pretty neat job at answering everything. sure, a few snickers here and there, but he was straightforward, allowing you to scribble in as many details as you could in between his pauses. seven pages later, front and back, there was only one point left in your questionnaire. you hesitated for a moment, unsure if it was appropriate for you to even ask him such a personal question. still, you knew this was the only time you were ever going to be face to face with the man who ordered your murder, so you continued.

“the last question, it’s not really science related or anything like that, it’s kind of more...personal, if you get me.” you faltered slightly on the last part, unsure of what his reaction would be. your hands began to feel clammy, and your fingers found the ring on the opposite hand to toy with. he noticed, and he looked back up to meet your eyes. this time, though, it was different. it wasn’t cold-blooded and frigid like it had been before. it was almost...empathic? it was as if he knew the damage-the pain- he caused you had been eating at you for all these years. it stung him, in the very depths of his heart, it stung him to know that he hurt you so much you couldn’t even look him in the eye without remembering everything.

“go ahead,” he muttered quietly. he shifted his gaze so it could only focus on the movement of your hands, and it hit him that you weren’t planning on writing his response down. letting a small breath out, you waited until you were certain your voice wouldn’t quiver to speak.

“why were you going to kill me?” it failed you anyway, no matter how hard you fought for your voice to stay steady. he didn’t move his eyes from your hands, concentrating on the small movement of your ring. he took a few seconds to answer, wanting it to be as honest as possible.

“i don’t know,” was all he managed. short and quick.

“what?” you sneered.

“i’m telling you the truth. i don’t have an answer for you because there wasn’t any motive for my actions. i just...” he paused and closed his eyes for a moment. “...i just wanted to feel important.” he opened his eyes again to look at you and found you dumbfounded.

“and you thought you could achieve that by killing hundreds of innocent people? yeah, loki, you did a really great job. we love you,” you taunted.

suddenly, loki jerked forward, as far as his binds allowed him to, and made the gap between both of you closer. “i have to live with my actions and its consequences every day, you idiot. i’ve had the entire universe practically spit in my face ever since that day, so if you think for a split second that i don’t regret any of it, you’re wrong.”

you were taken aback. your brain suddenly couldn’t form a coherent sentence, and you felt your eyes begin to sting. it had been a mixture of everything; his diction, the intensity in which his spoke his words, and the jumble of emotions behind them. it was evident to you now that he was capable of feeling remorse, and in his own twisted way, he was apologizing. he reclined back into his seat and watched you keenly, yet it wasn’t anger he held in his vision but confusion. were you going to leave? punch him? call in backup and have bucky barnes tear him into tiny pieces?

no, you didn’t do any of that. instead you just closed your notepad, clippled the pen gently into the front cover, and rose from your seat. he followed each of your movements accordingly until you were looking down at him. softly, and ever so gently, you spoke.

“i’ll notify mr. stark about arranging more interviews with you. i’d like to study you further in depth.”

loki, in the entirety of his millennia alive, had never been more confused. how was it, that a survivor of his own malice, wanted to keep talking to him? to him, you’d gotten what you wanted, and should’ve been on your merry way and cope, but you were different, weren’t you?

“you what?”

“i’ll negotiate a comforting room for you to reside in- i don’t want the heart of my investigation in such low conditions.”

loki let out a whole hearted chuckle at this, which you furrowed your brows to considering the seriousness of your tone. “darling, as much as that fills me with warmth, i don’t believe the avengers are going to allow me such comfort.”

you turned your back to him and walked over to the door and pressed the button for release. as the door opened and a security guard appeared to escort you out safely, you faced him once more. “i’ll make sure that they do.” and with that, loki was left alone with his thoughts again, and he couldn’t help but feel thankful for your appearance. it was suspicious, yes, but he had seen something within you that attested that feeling. you didn’t seem to carry any malignant emotions towards him despite his prior behavior. if anything, he felt relieved it wasn’t a s.h.i.e.l.d. agent interrogating him or else he’d be six feet underground by now.

you kept your word. for the following six months, loki had been fitted into a lifestyle that closely matched his commodity back in asgard. and as promised, you came back to conduct more interviews, but the both of you soon began to realize that it was more than now. the pen and paper was quickly discarded and you both communicated freely, questions and answers flying from one side of the room to the other. without recognizing it, you and loki were forming an unlikely friendship, a bond of some sort. you learned about his life, his childhood on asgard and how he came to gain the mentality of a tyrant. in turn, loki acquired knowledge of your life here on earth and how you used science to uncover future revolutionary breakthroughs. it was weird, the way allegiances were created. one day you want to destroy each other while the next you’re offering affirmations and sympathetic glances.

loki hated pity. the idea of a mortal, a stupid, useless mortal feeling sorry for him made his blood boil. but with you it felt different. you didn’t feel for him in a hypocritical way; you meant your pardon. and if he were anything like his brother, thor, he could almost feel himself falling for you. the same applied to you.

in one instance, you were on his bed, provided for by tony stark, and you were both sitting criss cross in front of the other. you had said some kind of joke, and he had laughed. a low, natural sound that even he hadn’t heard in years. you met his eyes once the humor in the room dissipated, and you felt your heart swell at the image of the god in front of you. unbeknownst to you, his heart did the same.

you noticed he looked to the side of the room as if he was questioning some sort of procedure until he gathered the courage to finally do it. he held up a finger to you as if to say “one moment” and walked off the bed over to a nearby shelf. he picked out a book of some sort, and he held it tightly. giving it you, he smiled genuinly before you accepted it.

“what is it?” you asked. he sat back down to his original position and started playing with his own ring, a nervous habit he picked up from you since he met you.

“it’s a book-well, a blank one- for you to write in. you know, for your investigations and such.”

the book itself was thick and leatherbound, and the color was green, a sharp green that matched his eyes. you weren’t afraid of it-of him- anymore, and you noticed that it had the first letter of your name displayed in the middle of it in black. you didn’t realize you were so entranced with the book until he spoke again.

“do you like it?”

“loki, i love it. thank you so much for this, truly.” you clutched the book to your chest and gave him a gratitude-filled smile. he returned it with his own, and you don’t remember how long you took each other in with something more than just a platonic gaze.

you could learn to love him, you thought. you could learn to fall asleep to the strong embrace his arms offered and wake up to his gentle grip on your waist. you could learn to feel safe around him because he was safe, and because maybe, just maybe, the possibility that he loved you back existed.

#loki odinson x reader #loki laufeyson x reader #loki odinson x you #loki laufeyson x you #loki odinson fanfiction #loki laufeyson fanfiction #loki x reader #loki x y/n #loki odinson #loki laufeyson #tom hiddleston #loki odinson imagine #loki laufeyson imagine #marvel imagine #loki odinson fluff

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fimflamfilosophy · 4 years

Text

“Is DnD Still Popular?”

To some of you giant nerds, the question, “Is DnD still popular,” is probably one of the stranger things you’ll read today, but within a specific context it makes a lot of sense. Speaking of, the show “Stranger Things” presented a popular, physical look at what DnD beasties might feel like, even if it didn’t present an honest view of what DnD games really play like. Along with more online media referencing the game and sites like Roll20 making it easier to join a group, it makes sense. Is this a temporary boom or has the roleplaying community seen a lot of permanent additions to its nerdy hobby?

I wouldn’t have numbers to say, myself, but for what it’s worth, roleplaying is always a very personal experience. And for a few of us, the question isn’t, “Are people still playing DnD?” Of course they are - it’s all anyone plays! The question is, “Can you get anyone to play anything else?”

What Is DnD?

For some people, Dungeons & Dragons has become so intertwined with the concept of roleplaying that people think DnD and roleplaying are synonymous. If you roleplay, you play DnD. Originally, this had a kernel of truth. There are articles about the history of the system, and during its inception the game had a hard time taking off. Fundamentally it was asking people to play make-believe, but with a system of mathematical rules and designs. We know now that this type of thing is like catnip to massive dork-faced neckbeards, but at the time it wasn’t expected to have much appeal.

Eventually it did get off the ground, and it became the standard for the entire concept of a roleplaying game. And as with all “firsts to the market”, there have been many competitors and copycats, but it’s difficult to pry the audience away when you need everyone to use the same system. In economics they call this “network utility value” - that is, a fax machine is useless if only one person owns one. You can only send faxes to other people with fax machines, so if another company tries to invent their own offshoot of the fax machine, they’ll never get anyone to adopt it because everyone is already using the existing fax machine network. Everybody knows DnD, which means that if you go to a convention or look for games online, you know you’re going to find more players for that system than any other.

Why Does DnD Continue to Work?

In early editions of DnD, there were a lot more rules, and as a result more freedom to design your characters. When I first started roleplaying, it was during the 3rd edition of the system, where you could still allocate skill points to become better or worse at specific skills like lying, climbing, forgery, or crafting. This meant that with good planning, you could play a sub-optimal wizard and make up for it somewhat by investing a lot in your “persuasion” skills to rely on talk more than magic.

But being the system that everyone has to learn isn’t enough to stay on top forever. Other systems like GURPS have taken hold by now, and some types of popular nerd media have introduced their own completely unique systems designed to simulate their specific media universes. The owners of DnD had two choices: either make the game more open and try to eat the lunch of other companies, or make all of DnD easier to play in general to capture a broader audience.

So they released 4th edition! We don’t talk about 4th edition. And then they quickly released 5th edition (and a few mumbled apologies), which streamlined a lot of things about the game to the extent I’m not sure why they even let you control your character stats at all now. Skills became baked in with your level, and most of the game is about choosing abilities when you level up. It’s become very similar to playing an MMO, and I believe that’s the point.

One of the big things you always see in a complicated roleplaying system is players spending hours putting together a character. For your experienced player, this is a labor of love. You really care about the small details and want to make sure you get it right, or you’re a Win-At-All-Costs type who wants to make sure you’re rolling the biggest numbers. Either way you’re familiar and know what you’re doing, but it presents a hurdle to new players, and that hurdle has been largely done away with in 5th edition.

No matter how old you are, how experienced you are, how creative you are (or aren’t), or how much you know about any aspect of the game, you can play 5e DnD. I think you could play as young as seven years old and have minimal problems, because all you have to do is choose a job and virtually everything else is filled in for you, as if by a program, as if a video game. An experienced player can help a new one whip up a character within fifteen minutes, and that new guy will be rolling dice at the dragon about as well as everyone else.

DnD is the Worst System

But DnD’s accessibility is also its greatest downfall. Because everything is sort of programmed out, you find a lot of players eventually growing bored with the same-old, and they try to find ways to inject new life into the system. They invent new races, new classes, new abilities, and so on - they call this “homebrew”. yet many people are bad at creating balance and fairness for something they personally intend to play, and DnD recognizes this problem. It has a lot of supplemental books telling you all you need to know about other races and classes you might want to play, and in theory they are as fair and powerful as anything in the base system.

Yet no amount of homebrew or supplementary material will solve DnD’s core problem: it’s rigid. If you want to play, you need a battle mat, because every spell, every action, can travel or act within a certain number of squares and you always need to know exactly where you’re standing. Players are expected to be able to take a certain number of actions per turn based on their level, and do an expected amount of damage. Monster encounters are built loosely around the concept of “Challenge Rating”, which is meant to imply a group of four players will find a CR of 5 suitably challenging if they are all level five. Basically it plays like “X-Com”.

And as you lock people in these mechanical, video game-styled designs, you find people champing at the bit. Not everyone wants to choose their abilities at level up or have their skill proficiencies dictated by what level they are. Some people want to express truly outlandish concepts, or play something that isn’t specifically designed around the idea of walking room to room blasting monsters. You’ll see people in roleplaying communities often asking, “Does anyone have any good ideas to homebrew [this idea] and make it work?”

Fans of DnD argue the homebrew approach works. Yes, it’s complicated and frustrating to invent entirely new classes and races for a single game where you don’t know how long you’ll play or what level you’ll reach, but DnD’s strict rules and design philosophy is a perk to those people, not a drawback.

Yet a fact of note is that a quote from a game I run got into a popular “Out of Context DnD” blog. The quote was, “ Mecha-Jesus unleashes a barrage of flames from his palms, but the train-snake martially dodges out of the way!”

It received 337 notes, and I was a little surprised by that. The game is a post-apocalyptic Road Warrior setting where the team boss decided to kill God as revenge for one of the gang members dying. Also featured in that day’s session was a battle between two men operating bucket cranes in a duel to the death above a giant grain silo, among eight other equally implausible events based loosely on Dante’s Inferno. For me, Mecha-Jesus is not a 300 notes event - it’s literally every other Friday.

What Do You Want to Play?

In my view, DnD often poses the question, “Are you even roleplaying?” I mean really. A lot of players feel like they are because they do an accent and come up with a backstory, but if you set yourself next to another player who has the same character stats and you’re playing together in the same game, has the system really given you the tools to solve problems all that differently? And the answer is is broadly, no.

I understand the counter-argument. Every player is unique. But in their way each Paladin in “World of Warcraft” is unique too. They have different gear, different competencies of player, and may take different abilities, but fundamentally they’re expected to crash dungeons and use what they’re given to kill monsters. The only advantage DnD has is that the GM can allow his players to interact with scenery items or talk to things, and you’ll see debate on exactly how much leniency a GM should give his players to act outside DnD’s base mechanics.

That’s a mentality. Some people like the safety of the system. They like to know what all the monsters are, what the risks are, what the rewards are, and have it all neatly lined up where you can see it. They want to join an Adventuring Guild that will bureaucratically assign a dungeon for them to attack so they always have something to do and a sure reward for doing it. The GM went through the trouble of drawing that dungeon out, after all. DnD is extremely safe.

And then there’s the alternative. I actually learned to roleplay among theater nerds who were already big into the concept of improv and narrative. One of them used to joke, “If you think DnD is the best system for the game, you know it’s not character-driven,” because any time you’re fine with trying to build an actual human around a set of level-up choices, you’re probably not designing the strongest possible personality.

Going back to media making DnD more popular, the first televised introduction to DnD I can personally recall is an episode of “Dexter’s Lab” where they address exactly this conflict. In it, Dexter runs a game where he forces his friends to play by his rules, where he wins. When Dexter rolls poorly, he turns the dice over to a better number and declares his evil wizard “fried” the team of adventurers. Then his sister, Dee Dee, takes over, and with no knowledge of the game’s rules at all, embarks on an improvised session of pure roleplaying where the guys tell her what they do and she tells them what happens. The sheets are just guidelines for them, and if they say they can do something Dee Dee accepts it.

Dee Dee’s roleplaying is open. It’s a void, and for some people, when you look into the void it looks back. How do you control everyone when they can do anything? It requires a certain level of trust that some players have a difficult time not abusing, yet weirdly everyone I’ve ever known who would lie and cheat during a roleplaying game actually preferred DnD, and I think I know why.

Rules Can Be Broken, but the Suspension of Disbelief is Immutable

The grognards that break the rules in DnD do so because the rules are so strict that they ironically can be easily broken. If the system says people take a certain amount of damage when they fall, and you find a way to throw to them that elevation consistently, by gum they’ll damn well take that damage. It’s in the rules! A friend I know combats this by saying if his players exploit the rules, then the monsters will start exploiting them too, to discourage arms races of bullshit.

What I’m describing is often called “rules lawyering”. So named because it involves finding a rules passage, interpreting the rule so the wording sounds like it favors an exploit, and then leveraging that into a powerful ability players were not meant to have. Because DnD requires you to know absolutely everything about your relative locations and words like “Attack” can have important diverging meanings depending on context, it’s a system extremely vulnerable to lawyering.

But with a more open system based on narrative and characters, it becomes harder to lawyer something you shouldn’t. In an open system, you build what the game calls for without consulting a bunch of charts and level guides. If you’re super heroes, you build super heroes. Cyborgs are cyborgs, Orcs are orcs - it’s whatever, and if you try to do anything outside the believability of the game, the GM tells you no. He has more authority in a more narrative game because the GM leads the narrative.

I’m personally fond of the Hero System, which ascribes massive ranges to all forms of weapons (a gun or eye laser can reach you down a long hallway) so the only general questions that need to be asked are, “Are you close enough to punch a guy?” and “Are you bunched up close enough to all be hit by this grenade?” You don’t need battle mats and the games play a lot more intuitively. There are two books of rules in Hero and they can be specific, but most of the rules revolve around character design rather than how to play, and fiddly things like physics or bursting through walls are meant to be decided depending on the type of game, at the GM’s discretion. There are guidelines, but they’re only that.

So if someone tells you they can punch through a wall in your noir investigator game, you tell them no, because the rules are just guidelines and in this game you can’t just drive your fist through a concrete brick even if you can find figures in the book that say maybe you can, because the book also says maybe you can’t - you’re expected to play the narrative, not the game. You can punch through walls in the super hero game where that’s typical, but not in this one.

From DnD to Anything Else

Of course, the open systems also present an opportunity for players to be very different in skill sets and abilities. You could imagine DnD is like “Power Rangers”, where everyone’s a different color and has different weapons but they’re basically all pretty much on the same level. An open system will wind up more like “Avatar the Last Airbender”, where one player is going to be Toph and someone else is going to be playing Sokka.

It’s important in DnD that everyone be the same, because a lot of the game is spent in a 20ft x 20ft room full of skeletons (or Putties) - Toph would single-handedly dominate every challenge. Whereas in a narrative-driven game the ability to crush everything with a rock doesn’t actually solve half your problems and whoever’s playing Sokka probably winds up more active than the person playing Toph.

At the end of it all, that’s why the question for me is whether you can take the players out of DnD and take DnD out of the players. Everyone plays DnD, but can you get people to play Sokka and have a good time if Toph is in the party? Personally I think it helps to start people on systems other than DnD, and then they can go into DnD if they like being in small rooms full of skeletons.

Of course, trying to start people on anything but DnD is usually defeated by the network utility! Everyone knows DnD! It’s THE system synonymous with the hobby! A few too many times I’ve seen people play a DnD game and say roleplaying just isn’t for them because it’s boring. All you do is wait for your turn and then roll dice at goblins.

But all I can say to that is, you never roleplayed, man. You joined a pen-and-paper video game. I agree, throwing dice at goblins sucks. I used to have a friend who would compulsively roll dice when he got bored waiting for turns in games like that, and when asked what he was rolling for, he’d joke, “I’m killing the dragon! I’m killing the dragon!” Him, enjoying the experience of DnD combat in between other people’s turns.

In many groups that’s all DnD is, silly accents and go-nowhere backstories aside. Acting is hard. But if you’re very lucky, and you know just the right people, it’s possible to land in a game that is pure story and character, and those things are a rare treasure and a real blast.

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hobbledhobbit · 3 years

Text

Paint and Patience

Another part of the tales of the Institute Green. This one following the Illustrator, Ms. Steam. .

A puff of smoke dissipated after swirling and distorting the stars it hovered in front of.

"Fear is strange. Was there any reason not to have it that you can be certain of?"

"For myself?"

"No, of course not." The pale man made a vague gesture into the building from their spot on the balcony. "Their fear."

He took another deep drag, awaiting her answer.

"All mortals have fear, Mr. Pale. The end always looms like the back cover."

He contemplated, letting his gaze take in the curvy and soft form of his coworker. She liked her candy striper outfit most of all and it let the inviting roundness of her form offer refuge in the form of a vast change in scenery from the black iron and gold speckled dark wood of their world.

"That's what I had figured too. But the fear is on all aspects. They love, there's fear; they succeed, there's fear; they give up...you get the idea."

Ms. Steam gave an amused hum before turning to him fully. "They are yellow. Maybe it's not the fear that gives you pause when dealing with them?"

Ms. Steam took the spent cigarette out of his hand and flicked it over the railing. He had a nasty habit of burning the filter when he was lost in thought. The smell was never pleasant.

Mr. Pale was slender and ordinary, his overall countenance being somewhat "beige", though his eyes held a sharp intelligence and his tongue a wicked wit.

Ms. Steam liked talking to the scrivener, he was always agitated over their charges and the conditions in which they were formed. The illustrator had an idea that it may be his only way to show his caring side for anything.

"I believe you're right," he finally said, "I am more enraged by those who live without that...I guess it would be more a concern for the welfare of others than fear…"

"Compassion?"

"Compassion! Yes, thank you. Those that lack compassion for others and make grand swathes of suffering. They hold my ire."

"Had one recently that's got you in this tizzy?"

"No. It'll be later this evening. I would feel bile rising in my throat if I had the capability. I taste the lies and excuses on my tongue and moving through my fingertips to take the last vestiges of their existence to print."

His voice grew ever darker, as he mimicked typing on his typewriter, his hands looking suddenly more large and sharp, his plain face gaining sharp edges and wider eyes, his teeth sharpening and slowly multiplying.

"Sickening, wretched filth!" He gurgled out.

Ms. Steam shrugged, unbothered. "We are only the record keepers. No need to grow attached."

He cleared his throat and fixed his appearance, brushing his blond hair back and suddenly looking more to his normal human-like form.

"We aren't machines, Ms. Steam. Every monster we document can feed our own monstrous nature, teach us our own excuses for screwing over other lives."

"What do you suppose we do for it then? Become judges for life forms that are under our care?"

"Teachers. I think the Evil need to be taught a lesson. We should make an example."

Ms. Steam waited for Mr. Pale to continue, but it was obvious from the way his eyes darted around in his head that the idea was still cooking.

She pat his head and made him look her in the eye.

"When you figure it out, set it up. I'm in thorough need of distraction. But for now, we must tend to our duties."

He gave a small nod and a tight lipped smile. It was no secret that he disliked his job, but he was the best at it.

She took her leave, walking in from the cold of outside to the warm hallway. Her shoes were almost silent upon the hard wood. The reflection of the candy striper outfit was blurred for a moment in the polished floor before it showed Ms. Steam in a plain, floral, flowy dress. She used the key around her neck to unlock her office door and step in.

The yellow glow of the human soul took a moment to take shape. Young and small.

"Sorry for being late," she smiled, "Are you ready for your portrait?"

The 'studio' was large. The ceiling was high and vaulted, the floor had many different colors and textures that one couldn't tell if it was made of dirt, marble, wood, or any of the other things floors are usually made of. There looked to be all sorts of settings along the long wall. Beaches to mansions, forests to kitchenettes, mountains to dumpsters.

The girl looked to be a little younger than a teenager. Short dark hair and brown eyes, sun-kissed skin and a strong jaw. She was in night clothes and looked overwhelmed, looking around from her seat on a fainting chair.

Ms. Steam went to her large desk and picked up some materials. She loaded a small tray with chalk pastels and paint.

"Take your time," she said to the girl, then paused giving her an understanding and patient look. "Tell me what you think is happening. This fear will go away soon, I promise."

"He killed Mom. I went to go hide my little sisters, but I guess he killed me too." She started to cry in earnest. "They're probably so scared. I don't know what to do! There's nothing I can do! I'm dead!"

She sobbed and screamed her dismay while Ms. Steam set up the easel near a beach setting.

"Angels are supposed to help the innocent!" The girl accused from her seat. She smacked her bare feet against the ground and stomped over to Ms. Steam. "You're supposed to protect us and God's supposed to deliver us from evil!"

"Deliver you where?" Ms. Steam turned to the girl, eyebrow slightly raised. She felt it wouldn't be the best option to tell the girl she wasn't an angel.

The girl's righteous fury was snuffed out by the calm of the question. She looked lost and on the verge of more tears.

"I-I don't know. If you're good, evil isn't supposed to happen to you." She sniffled, "And you're supposed to get rewarded for being good."

Ms. Steam sat on a stool to look the girl in the eye and wipe her tears with her skirt.

"I'm sorry, little one. The universe doesn't do good or evil. That's a human thing. Kind or cruel are choices people make."

Ms. Steam offered a hug to the child, who was falling apart again in tears. She accepted the hug, was wrapped in strong arms, and felt light as a cloud.

"The nightmare is over. I know it's scary to not know what comes next. But even your choices mattered so much at the end."

The girl was hiccupping through her sobs, clinging tightly to Ms. Steam. "They're so-s-so little and he's gonna hurt them!"

Ms. Steam rocked her lightly and pet her hair. "I know...what if I brought them here? Would you feel better knowing where they are? They would probably like to know where you are too."

Fear stabbed through the girl and she looked at Ms. Steam. "He killed them too?!"

"Long ago already. They're in my queue."

"What's going to happen?"

"I'm going to paint your picture of what you want to be remembered forever as. You're a good older sister. Brave, just, and with so much love in your heart that your last moments were thinking of nothing but protecting others. Rewards aren't in my job description, but I think that I could work one up for you."

"Holly!" Called two little voices from the fainting couch.

The girl turned and let go of Ms. Steam, running to the two blonde children running towards her in their pajamas.

"Katie! Kathy!" She called to the twins, hugging them tight to her and hurrying her face in their disheveled blonde curls. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

"Sorry for what?" asked Kathy.

"Why are you sad?" asked Katie.

Before Holly could answer, they both noticed the beach and dragged Holly towards it.

Holly noticed that they were all in their bathing suits, and the studio had faded away entirely-there was only the beach then. She saw Ms. Steam still standing there, starting to work on the canvas in front of her. She gave Holly a wink before going back to her work.

Holly looked at her sisters who were already splashing in the water and got to playing with them. They built sand castles and played in the water together. The sun didn't bother any of them much, and they felt full and content.

Ms. Steam stepped back from her work, looking at the picture of Holly pulling her sisters through the water as the little ones kicked up a spray behind them.

The twins looked caught in a moment of trust and fun as Holly tried to teach them to swim.

The studio had phased back to its normal state, the girls now residing as the artwork. Ms.Steam added a single small cloud in the distance as her signature and bowed low at the piece.

"Thank you for the opportunity," she said.

When she stood back up, the canvas had a frame of glittering gold. She took it and wrapped it in plain brown paper before placing it in an adjacent room for delivery.

Ms. Steam dealt more with children and those that didn't have a command over their language. She found that younger children were more accepting of their fates than older ones. Responsibility and shame hadn't really had a chance to stick in yet and make them second guess everything.

She went about putting away her supplies and let out a sigh. She placed the last brush behind her ear and exited her studio. So long as her things weren’t all in place, the next soul wouldn’t show up.

The door she approached was labeled “Mr. Slow: Security” on a gold plaque. She knocked and entered, finding the large form of her colleague sitting at his desk, shining his shoes. He looked up boredly, eyes crinkling at the side once he recognized his visitor.

“Ms. Steam. What an unexpected and fun surprise. What brings you to my office?” His voice was deep and had an edge of threat to it. Unfortunately for Mr. Slow, she had taken the centuries to become immune to his specific charm.

“Mischief brings me here, Bacchus. Do you intend on participating or trying to subdue?” She leaned on the doorway, pushing her hair behind an ear. “I do so hate to lose out on the fun because someone had to distract you.”

Mr. Slow sat up and put his hands on his desk. “So long as the mischief isn’t brought to these halls, there’s no reason for us to tussle. I do have a feeling that I will be having to teach Mr. Pale a lesson later today, but that won’t likely interfere.”

This was met with an amused hum. She covered her mouth to feign hiding a smile, “I am starting to think Bartleby likes your teaching method. You boys and your roughhousing.”

Mr. Slow went back to shining his shoes, “I’ve been informed, Ms. Steam. Go back to your room. The day isn’t out yet, no matter how many clients you put in a single frame. Only the frame counts.”

“Pushy,” she teased, straightening herself out. “I’ll see you at the diner afterwards, Mr. Slow.”

The door closed, leaving Mr. Slow alone. He leaned back in his chair and thought about the conversation he had overheard on the balcony during his rounds. Redirecting fear could be a fun way to spend an afternoon.

#inkwell writes #Institute Green #Afterlife and those who work the shifts #Ms. Steam #Mr. Pale #Mr. Slow

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theholycovenantrpg · 3 years

Photo

CONGRATULATIONS, RACHEL! YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF CAPHRIEL.

Admin Cas: This decision felt practically impossible to me. We received two applications for Caphriel, and each application offered a completely different perspective of her, tapped into two totally opposite aspects of her character, but what drew me back to your application, Rachel, was your eagerness to tackle the — ah, less savoury aspects of Caphriel, shall we say? You said it yourself, it would be easy to look at Caphriel through rose-tinted glasses, given all she’s sacrificed and all she insists on doing for mortal-kind, but the matter of the fact is that she’s still an Angel. Yes, she’s kind, she’s selfless, she’s sombre; but she’s also haughty, she’s also resolute, she’s also violent. I think it was this line that sold me: “Though she despises war, Caphriel carries her sword wherever she goes – can she not say that she is prepared, if she must, to cut down those that stand in the way of her love?” I can’t wait to see what other terrible things Caphriel is willing to do in the name of love in your capable hands! Please create and send in your account, review the information on our CHECKLIST, and follow everyone on the FOLLOW LIST. Welcome to the Holy Land!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Rachel

Age | 22

Personal Pronouns | she/her

Activity Level | Inspiration comes in waves, but I try my best to keep a net one or two posts per day. It might mean I spam the dash with all my replies on one day and then am lurking the rest of the week, it might actually mean one reply a day, it all depends on work and life and such. I am around every day to chat about things, though! You can count on me lurking on discord an alarming amount of the day.

Timezone | PST

Triggers | REMOVED

How did you find the group? | Rosey was like Hey. I think you’ll enjoy this. and she was right!

IN CHARACTER

Character | Caphriel

What drew you to this character? | It took me a long while to settle myself on Caphriel. I was torn between a number of characters as they were posted, but I kept circling back to her – her radiant kindness, the exquisite pain of loving wholeheartedly, despite the weight of sorrows that she carries for others. She is a breath of light that is so deeply compelling to me. It could be easy to see her through rose tinted glasses, but I think there’s an edge to her that I really want to try to draw out.

What future plots do you have in mind for the character? |

I. TAKE UP THY BLADE

Love has brought Caphriel to violence, and it shall do so again. She committed unspeakable acts against God and her fellow angels in their great coup all for the sake of humanity, acts she would repeat tenfold if it meant they remain as they are: stumbling towards a light of their own making, figuring out their place as they define it. Though she despises war, Caphriel carries her sword wherever she goes – can she not say that she is prepared, if she must, to cut down those that stand in the way of her love?

If and when the divine beings start to chafe at their self-imposed equality with the human race, if and when they seek to be once again revered without question, Caphriel will once again take up her sword against her brethren. It is an inevitability, one she feels in her bones.

Caphriel may not go to bat for every human that she encounters, but there are individuals whom she found fight tooth and nail to spare the horrors of the world. She would put herself on the line for humanity as a whole in a heartbeat, if it came to it, though she would prefer to teach her brethren the things she’s learned from the humans first, instill in them the same deference that she holds. Break from them the desire to be worshipped, for that era seems firmly in the past. I think it would be very interesting to have her interfacing with her fellow angels, attempting to teach this point – in all likelihood, it would go poorly, especially among those that still crave power over anything. She cannot force love when it is absent, but she would bleed herself dry if it would make them understand.

Perhaps the angels get restless. Perhaps her shared animosity with Nerissa comes to a head. Perhaps someone dares to harm those that are beloved to her. I feel there are many paths that can lead to her digging back into that measure of destruction she holds within herself, all varying degrees of boundary-testing. This would be a longer-term arc for her as the plot develops, as there are a lot of dominoes that would have to fall first in order to get her to turn to violence – all other avenues must be closed, or she must really, truly feel like it is the right thing.

II. I WOULD DROWN IN THE FAVOR OF YOUR EYES

As an immortal being, Caphriel has lost a great many things. She watches the decay of mortals with a bittersweet resignation, but there are always a special few mortals whose loss she feels keenly, who she weeps for ages down the line. Luca Riche is one of these, though she has not lost him yet – and she is determined to keep him, greedy and indulgent, for as long as she can.

History repeats itself, it seems – she loved Abel then as she loves Luca now, but this time she is at his side, an equal rather than a distant observer. He is not hers to protect, but she aches to do so, would likely turn at an instant on one who did him harm. The thing is: did she love Cain less, for his sin? Did she resent him for his violence against his brother? She had wept for him as he bore the mark even as she turned her back on the darkness he harbored within himself. Her draw towards Luca unwittingly brings Jasper into her sphere, and she can sense a similar darkness about him. The brothers have her transfixed once again, but can the violence between them remain unfulfilled?

I would love to explore the established connection with Luca and how that affects her connections to Jasper. Does she see the animosity harbored by Jasper? Is she blinded to the issues by Luca’s own love for his brother, and her love for him in turn? She is a bit of a meddler, albeit a well-meaning one, so there’s a distinct possibility that she would try to facilitate some form of reconciliation, especially if the strain between the brothers begins to reflect negatively onto Luca. It might just blow up in her face.

Whether she eventually learns they are Cain and Abel does not, I think, truly matter – either way there is still the push and pull of her benevolent love vs. the specific instances of Jasper’s darker leanings, the sickly sweet danger of her love for Luca. She was not a direct actor in their story initially, but she could be now – I think she will cling to this, and it may eat at her. This possessive love could so easily turn to rot – she hovers on a precipice which, really, either brother could knock her over the edge of.

III. THERE IS BLOOD ON THE WALLS OF YOUR HOME

Caphriel’s position within the hierarchy of angels feels, despite her mantle as virtue of Charity, quite tenuous. She shuns Caelum in favor of Sanctus Terra, adores humanity more than she ever has her brethren. She took up the sword with the rest of them, followed Michael into the fray not because she believed in him, but because she believed that God had turned against His people. All that she has done has been for humanity – how plain is that for other angels to see? It is etched into the very marrow of her bones – it seems impossible that the other angels would not be wary of this, unsettled by this almost lack of loyalty.

Michael made her the virtue of Charity – but does he trust her? She had walked away while he was building his empire – does this not smart? Do the other angels view her has naïve for placing her lot so heavily with humanity? Her ferocity still lingers in their memory, but the goodness that she radiates now may turn the stomach of those angels lingering in the darker corners of Caelum.

She spends most of her time in Sanctus Terra, and I would like to really dig into her feelings about coming ‘home’ to Caelum. Whether she is drawn in some official capacity or simply visiting as part of her travels, there are a lot of mixed feelings about the place and the people. She harbors no ill will for her brethren, but their pride chafes on her after too long a stay.

It would be interesting to push this divide to the brink, test the limits of Caphriel’s love and loyalty. When given an ultimatum, which side would she choose? She was made to love and protect humanity, but can she really turn aside from her own divinity so easily?

IV. A HEART IS A MUSCLE LIKE ANY OTHER

This is building off something Minnie had in her sample app! I think it’s really compelling that Arianne and Caphriel occupy the same niche in a strange way. They both can assuage the suffering of another being, though Caphriel’s empathy is a bit less immediate of a fix than Arianne’s manipulation of the heart. There is an element of violence to both of their pathways – for Caphriel to take a memory permanently rather than just see it, she must wield her sword; for Arianne, it is easy to simply stop a heart entirely. Caphriel aims to soothe from a place of love; it seems that Arianne seeks the power that comes from dependance.

They are strange parallels, and I would love to have a possible confrontation between the two. Caphriel tries so hard to love all humanity, but I think that Arianne would push at her limits. She has made herself into humanity’s protector, though the threats she works against are myriad and deeply, deeply unexpected. Arianne’s ability poses a particularly strange threat, one that I believe Caphriel would keep an eye on, especially if she got wind that people were really hooked on Arianne. Her interest is equally a strange sort of covetousness for the position of humanity’s aid and wanting to mitigate what could be a real threat to people.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | If she were to go, it would not be without a fight. In short, yes, but only if it’s really compelling for the narrative/serves a strong purpose.

IN DEPTH

Driving Character Motivation |

Love. A deep, abiding love for humanity in all their glorious failures and corruptions, their triumphs and joys. Caphriel cannot rid the world of all its woes but she can ease the pain of them, and the desire to do so has driven her to the ends of the earth and back again. Her love is a ferocious thing, not the gauzy lightness of poetry but rich and radiant, forged in blood and tears.

Before God’s defeat, Caphriel ached to understand the woes of humanity on a more intimate level, to feel them herself rather than observe their effects from afar. Her empathic power allows her to do that, and she gladly takes humanity’s pain onto herself. She is a hardier being, at the end of it – they will not weigh her down as they do the frailer humans. She will not let them.

Her love is not always good. This is, I think, the crux of her character, and what keeps her from becoming something flimsy. She has spilled blood for this love. Overthrown her creator. Likely even committed violence against the humans she so loves for the sake of sparing the masses further pain. Though her love comes from a place of righteousness, it is, ultimately, her own, and there are those that would see it as a curse or as the delusions of one individual. Her love can blind her to elements of reality and she can lose herself in the memories of others.

She exists in a strange middle ground – not quite angel, not quite human. It is her divine nature that allows her to act as she does, yet she has always hungered to know the depths of humanity. This counterbalance propels her, though she may not even understand the true extent of it.

Character Traits |

+ STEADFAST

Caphriel’s love for humanity has not wavered for eons. She remains committed to them, driven by the desire to help, to ease their suffering, to feel as one with them. Her unwavering devotion to humanity has shaped her life and all her most important actions: her turn away from God, her participation in the coup, her retreat to Sanctus Terra once it became habitable. Though this devotion is overall a net positive, it can, in certain cases, take on a negative aspect.

- OBSESSIVE

There are certain things that she cannot let go of. Her love can turn to obsession, to covetousness, blinding her to the dangers of her actions. Her hunger for connection to humanity has gnawed at her for eons, driving her forward at times against her better nature. She can lose sight of the forest for the trees if she is not careful in moderating herself.

+ COMPASSIONATE

Her powers of empathy heighten her already compassionate nature. She wants to help, to listen to others when they talk of pain, of suffering, to work with them to ease their burdens.

- MEDDLESOME

Her acts of charity are not always welcomed by those she bestows them upon. Her ministrations and particularly her empathic ability often pry deep into a person’s psyche, which she doesn’t realize may alienate those that have not sought her presence.

+ GENTLE

Angels can be fearsome things. The sword worn across her back and the brilliant white sweep of her wings may be unsettling, but Caphriel’s calm and kind demeanor puts that to rest. She radiates a sense of contentment, in harmony with the hum of her blade, the sweep of her wings through the air.

- VIOLENT

She does not often give into her baser natures, but when Caphriel is incited to a fight, she is vicious. She made a name for herself among the angels during the war with God, her greatsword forged by Michael himself whetted on the bones of her kin. Her mild demeanor may belie her fighting prowess, but the truth is: every angel is terrible. Even one built for love such as she.

In-Character Para Sample |

When she descends to the earth at the end of it all, after the bones of her Lord God have stripped themselves bare, after the Blood Plague has ravaged the new, fledgling land, she weeps. The first touch of her foot to the land of Sanctus Terra breaks her chest open, pain and joy and love, uncompromising love, spilling from the very core of her, mirrored in the souls around her. She walks, heart open, into the fold, sword a comforting weight upon her back, wings a blinding mass behind her. She learns to fold them away, over time; saves the revelation of her erstwhile divinity for more intimate things. She tucks the gleaming herald of her wings out of sight, but still she glows, lit from within by the undying flame of her love.

She walks the length of the land, leaving no corner unexplored. Her footsteps are those of Moses, of John. Of all those that wandered the earth, driven by love for their people, for their Lord. She trails a path through the indelible marks of history, the eons crumbled to ash in the reformation of the world. She carries these pilgrims with her, their memory mingling with new stories, their pain and grief and love cradled between her ribs.

It is her sword that announces her presence now, its gentle hum blown by the breeze into the small town she has wandered to. Her cloak is heavy and warm in the noonday sun, her body one large and familiar ache that comes from hours on foot. A small child stops in their tracks at the sight of her – she offers them a warm smile. That seems to spook them more than anything, and they run to hide behind the legs of a woman who bustles around the yard of a nearby home. People peer from windows as she passes, pause in their ministrations to watch her go by. They listen to the radiant hum of the sword that glints on her back and they wonder.

She takes a deep breath, lets the energy of the town seep under her skin. They are all so tired, these people – they all seem to be, the further she moves from the center of the Holy Land. Settlers bending the will of the natural world to their own, terraforming the same soil their ancestors had once turned, eons ago. She has drawn up a crowd by the time she arrives in what seems to be the main square, a rough dirt clearing amidst the houses. The people keep their distance, intrigued but wary – she cannot begrudge them this, though she aches to close the space between them, to take them up in her arms and sooth the furrows from their brows. To nurture them as they nurture the land.

There are people in the square – older, she thinks, though she’s never been good at gauging these things, so used to faces that do not line with age. Humans pass so quickly, their meagre collected years a blip in her existence, yet she yearns to understand the scope of their lives, the honors of reaching fifty years, sixty, when all she knows are millennia. She sees the child from before in the corner of her eye, trailing behind her with their mother, so small. A man and a woman speak in hushed tones as she approaches - snippets blow to her, but she captures none but their names - Gideon, the woman says, Sarah, he responds. Old names, familiar ones, and Caphriel is overcome with her desperate adoration of a people too stubborn to die out, rooted deep into lives eons ago whose stories no longer grace people’s lips but in their most basic form: the name of it all.

“My name is Caphriel,” she intones, as the man named Gideon steps forward to meet her. “I come seeking shelter and to bring aid where it is needed.”

“Why do you hide your wings, Angel?” The man before her says. She sees the glint of mistrust in his eyes, the tension in his stance. She had hoped, once, that she might someday no longer be recognizable at first glance – her brothers had laughed at her when she’d said it, so she buried that seed deep within herself. Her cloak was a small concession to herself, though it seems in this case it had been a misstep. It is no hardship to her to assuage his fears, so she bows her head briefly and removes her cloak, unfurling her wings behind her, a blaze of white stark against the dirt road, the richness of her dark skin. She sees the spark of wonder in the man’s eyes and she smiles, a small but radiant thing.

“I do not mean to hide what I am, or to dissemble and take your hospitality under false pretenses.” The low murmur of the crowd quiets as she speaks. “I take solace in walking where my brethren would fly, and have found it convenient to cover them when they are not in use to shield them from the wind and dirt.” She cocks her head, coy, lets her smile bloom wider, drops her voice like she is telling a secret. “They are a true pain to clean when they get dirty.”

She hears a ripple of laughter from behind her, bright feminine voices, and she knows she has settled into the hearts of these people. Even Gideon, frame still stoic, returns her smile. “Come,” he says, gesturing her into a home along the central square. She folds her cloak in her arms as she walks beside him, eyes adjusting to the change in light as they duck indoors. It is sparse but comfortable, and Caphriel feels at peace. “We don’t get many visitors here, let alone the start of a host of angels.”

“No host,” she says, unlacing her scabbard from her back, laying it alongside her folded cloak. “Just me.”

“Well, that’s lucky,” he replies, “Seeing as I’ve only got one spare bed.”

Her laugh is melodic, filling up the space between them, bright and bubbling with happiness. “Gideon,” she smiles, tasting the prophet’s name on her tongue, rich with history and repetition. “I want to help you. If you tell me what you and your people need, I swear I will do everything in my power to aid you. All I ask in return is a roof over my head for as long as it takes.” She holds out her hand, palm up, a minute act of supplication. “Let me help you.”

“Well,” the man before her says, “Caphriel.” He clasps her hand to shake. She feels the warmth radiate up her arm, into her heart. “Let’s get started, then.”

#accepted #accepted: caphriel

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sommerstessa · 4 years

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at tessa’s home ft. @samuel-dryden (kind of)

─── saturday morning, around 3:30 am.

She couldn’t sleep, yet again, and by now, it didn’t come as a surprise. Since the shooting, Tessa had been unable to rest peacefully, her thoughts becoming infected by fragmented memories of that day. The images came in brief flashes, a gun here, some blood there, but all of it was enough to have her shooting straight up in bed, her body covered in a cold sweat. Glancing around her room, Tessa’s heartrate only began to settle when she was assured that nobody else was in the room, a new anxiety that had settled as well. It was strange, given that she hadn’t suffered a home invasion like Naomi did or an attack by anyone she knew personally. This was random, and, as the police were saying, an accident. Just some frightened guy who was way out of his league. Logically, Tessa knew the chances of it happening again were slim to none, but that didn’t turn off her mind. Logic had no place in nightmares.

Unfortunately, Tessa’s inability to sleep was compounded by the burdensome feeling of guilt she’d held onto since breaking up with Sam. They hadn’t spoken in a little over a week, the longest either of them had gone without one another since they reconnected in the coffee shop three months ago. She felt terrible, and was thoroughly convinced the blonde man hated her (rightfully so) for breaking his heart. There was much she wanted to say, but she wasn’t sure it would be appropriate to reach out to him. Really, she wasn’t sure she’d actually say any of it even if she did reach out to him. She was scared of making things worse, saying something she couldn’t take back, something that set him farther away from her than she intended. Deep down, she just wanted to apologize, maybe see if there was a possibility for a future friendship. But how awful would that be? He was no doubt in love with her, and she couldn’t offer him anything but friendship.

As these thoughts consumed her brain, Tessa leaned over the side of her bed, feeling for the cold, rectangular object she had tucked beneath her bed the night before. Grabbing the laptop, she leaned back against her headboard and opened it up, immediately going to her safe space: her blog. It was a place where she allowed her mind to unleash itself, feelings transposing into words on a screen. It was a place where she felt most connected to and honest with herself.

Beginning a new post, Tessa sucked in a deep breath of air and began typing.

To the man who offered me the world, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I shut you out without explaining myself. I wasn’t ready then, and I’m still not, but you deserve the truth.

This wasn’t your fault. The only thing you’re guilty of is loving me for everything I am and you have no idea how much I appreciate that. It’s what every little girl dreams of - growing up and finding their Prince Charming, the man who can fix anything, the man who can turn even the darkest of days into the brightest ones. You were that for me, but the problem is, I was never one of those little girls. I never dreamed of having a man who loved me as strongly as you do. My dreams never revolved around being loved. My dreams were more selfish, revolving around my ambition and accomplishments, traveling the world, building a following, and making a difference in the world. And while the two aren’t mutually exclusive, I never learned how to have both at the same time. I know you would never hold me back from my dreams, but deep down, I also know I could never be the woman you wanted to spend your life with. I would never put our relationship first, like you deserve.

I thought I could do it. I convinced myself you were the person, the person I could have a future with, the person I could settle down with, but it never felt right, even though I wanted it to. God, you have no idea how badly I wanted it. When I was younger, I had the biggest crush on you. I mean, who couldn’t? You’re attractive, intelligent, dedicated, generous. You give yourself so willingly. When we ran into each other that day, I thought, well, isn’t this nice. And then you kissed me, and it was like everything was falling into place. I was beginning to envision what my life could be like with you.

I thought you could fix it. I thought you could fix me.

When I told you what I learned about myself, you had no hesitancy in committing anyway, no matter what the future brought. It was so selfless, and I didn’t think anybody could love me like that. But you did. You didn’t care what my body would look like or what it would or wouldn’t be capable of doing in the future. You dove in headfirst, and I latched onto it. You gave me hope, hope that I’d have a real family one day, a husband and kids, whether they were genetically ours or not.

But I was wrong. I was wrong for putting all of that on you. I was wrong for seeing you as a band-aid, as someone who could fix me. I was wrong for quieting the small piece of my brain that contained doubts. I was wrong for letting you believe we were on the same page for the past three months. I was wrong for letting you fall deeper and deeper, while I felt like I was still getting to know you.

That’s not to say I never cared about you, or that our relationship was a lie, because it wasn’t. On the contrary, I care deeply about you. I want you to be happy. I want you to have everything you’ve ever dreamed of with a woman who dreams of those things, too. But I was never that woman. No matter how happy we were together, no matter how right we felt together, I could sense that we were only fooling ourselves. I could sense that there was something missing, something deep down at our cores that kept us from clicking just right. I don’t know if you felt it, too, but it wasn’t the type of thing that could go unnoticed. I tried to quiet it, I tried to ignore it, but I learned very quickly that I will never be the type of person to ignore feelings, as vague as they may be. I’ve always been incredibly connected to myself and in tune with my emotions. I knew we weren’t right together, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.

I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for worrying you. I’m sorry I still can’t say it to your face. But please know that you are an amazing person, boyfriend, son, brother, boss, and everything in between, and one day, you’re going to make an amazing husband and father to a family who’s perfect for you.

And I’m going to be right there in your corner, cheering you on every step of the way.

My hope for the future is this - I hope that one day, you can see me as Tessa Sommers, the woman who set you free so you could accomplish your destiny. So you could find the right woman, the woman whose butterflies survive the initial honeymoon stage of the relationship, the woman who continues to swoon even after the first few dates. I hope that one day, you’ll see me in town and you’ll smile and wave, and think of me as someone who gave you freedom rather than heartache. I hope that one day, we can be friends, and we can reflect back on these three months as something we both needed for different reasons, a time during which we both learned valuable lessons about ourselves, even though it didn’t work out in the end.

You will always hold a piece of my heart, and I will always be grateful for the pure generosity and selflessness you gave me. Please don’t ever change.

Chewing on her lower lip, Tessa’s finger hovered above the ‘post’ button for much longer than usual. Despite never using Sam’s name, it would be easy for others to intuitively determine who the post was about, especially others living in Wilmington. Sam didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve to have his romantic life available on the internet for anyone to read. Although Tessa had made a life decision to lay her personal life out there for the world, he didn’t.

Releasing her lip, Tessa’s finger moved the cursor towards the drop-down menu, where she very carefully selected the ‘post privately’ option, after which she made sure to copy the link and open up a new tab. Pasting the link into an email, Tessa then entered Sam’s email address in the ‘to’ line. The subject read ‘Please read.’ There was a final moment of hesitation during which Tessa pondered the negative aspects of going through with this. Of course, everything she said had the potential to make things worse between her and Sam. But she hoped he’d understand the gesture, understand where she was coming from, and maybe it would give them both some sort of closure.

Exhaling, Tessa clicked send on the email and subsequently closed her laptop, setting it on the mattress beside her and grabbing the remote for the television. There was no chance Sam would be checking his emails at 3:30 AM, but there was even less of a chance of Tessa going back to sleep now.

#tw shooting #tw cancer #tessa

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pixel-cat-1 · 4 years

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I just finished The Outer Worlds

I don’t really ever use this blog for more than reblogging stuff, so this is probably coming out of left field for anyone who follows me, but as you see in the title, I beat The Outer Worlds not a couple of minutes ago. I have some thoughts I’d like to talk about while their fresh, and this is as good a place as any to do that lol

So, what did I think of it? Overall, I think The Outer Worlds is okay game that ultimately fails to meet up in many regards to not only Obsidian’s golden child, Fallout New Vegas, but in some departments even regular ass Bethesda games from years ago. And that’s honestly such a shame, because TOW had so much goddamn potential and yet I finished it and felt practically nothing for the entire last level and final ending sequence.

The main issue I think is that ultimately speaking, TOW doesn’t necessarily do anything different from any other RPG I can think of, and it doesn’t do anything like that super well.

For example, the combat’s good on a technical level. The controls and mechanics are fun to use (especially the dodge system), but the enemies tend to either range from “complete curb stomp bitch babies” to “bullet sponge that’ll kill me so fast I won’t even know what happened.” Most fights weren’t particularly engaging, and I was basically handicapping myself but not using the companion abilities for about 75% of the game (I don’t know why I never tried pressing the d-pad buttons, but yet again, when I can just shoot shit and huff an inhaler, I didn’t need to think too hard). The disparity of how difficult the game can be is often confusing, and I was more often limited because of my ammo count more so than my ability to play the game.

The RP aspects can be good at times. There are plenty of skill checks that reward you for being a smart little egg, and a part of RPG’s I like is being able to avoid combat and make people happy, and generally make myself useful, so that was fairly fun. Overall the dialogue options and the performances by most VA’s left me not feeling like I was being hindered in acting and responding to situations how I’d like, so at the very least, that didn’t let me down.

The music was overall enjoyable, although very forgettable, and sometimes a bit all over the place: there’s Western-y guitar ambient tracks, also some more techno-y ones? Elevator music that sounds like they got it from a royalty free website. This kinda wish-washyness ties into multiple issues I had with the game I’ll get into further on.

The graphics are good, which isn’t necessarily shocking anymore because every game looks good. There are some aesthetic choices I liked, that being things like the Art Deco style architecture and advertisements from the loading screens. Terra 2 is gorgeous as all hell, with the skybox being particularly amazing (I’ve often fantasized about Earth having rings, so this partially fulfills that fantasy). Monarch is overall also very well done, with making it look and feel like a hostile shithole with ravenous wildlife. The looming gas giant overheard also does a good job of making me feel dread, which is about as much of that feeling I ever got. However, the game never really maintains a distinct “style”, rather it collages a bunch of them at once. Because for all the aesthetic of the Art Deco style that they do for cities like Byzantium. there’s like 10 levels/areas that are just generic as all hell “sci-fi space shit” that you’ve seen before. And then there’s Scylla, which is so fucking boring in design I don’t know why it’s even in the game.

This creates an issue where it’s like they wanted to make the game look Bioshock, but some people wanted something out of Mass Effect. But some people played Borderlands, and wanted to go for the wacky space bandit and hostile environment feel. But they also wanted to stick it to Bethesda, so they made is vaguely look like a Fallout game as well. It’s hard to describe in text, so I’m just gonna post these and show it best I can

^ It looks like space Bioshock here

^ And here it reminds me more of Borderlands than anything else (it’s a lot easier to see if you look at it from the ground, rip)

Scylla is literally just a rock. As far as I can tell, you could probably fucking avoid the damn thing if you avoid side quests. There’s fucking nothing there. Just enemies, a few side quest things, an empty town and a giant terraformer thingy that’s interesting to look at for like 4 seconds. And despite what you’d think, no, there is no low gravity. That would’ve at least made this place have some interesting gimmick or mechanic, but no. It’s just a fucking dumping ground for side quests. God. Fucking. Damnit.

All science-y buildings just look like this for the most part across all levels. It’s not bad, just very generic and same-y.

The Groundbreaker’s fairly interesting, until you realize that all it is is essentially a giant corridor front to back. Actually, scratch that, it’s two corridors! One of which is this Back Bays area overrun with criminals. How do you get to this clearly dangerous and isolated part of the ship? Well a fucking elevator smack dab in the middle of the pavilion of course! So anyone can just go up or down into this apparent no man’s land part of the ship by literally going into it via an elevator. Dear god.

^Monarch definitely has one of the best looking environments in the game, tied with Terra 2 down below

But what absolutely fucks the game overall is despite how much effort they put into making everything look nice (regardless if you actually like it or not), the overall level design in terms of function and whatnot? Mind numbingly boring.

All levels are really small maps with (at most) a handful of major buildings or towns depending on the scale, and the rest is just a bunch of abandoned buildings with some enemies, or a crashed ship or something. There's just...nothing going on with half of these dungeons.

Also the vast majority of buildings have a “Quarantine” sign out front or is locked in some capacity, which means you could have 4-5 buildings in a random batch of them along a road, but only 2 you can explore. And since all the fucking interiors across multiple planets look the exact same, it leads to an incredible feeling of sameiness in a game that has you running around an entire solar system. How the fuck even??? I’d argue fucking Fallout 3 handled this better. At least there was more to do! More overall dungeons and levels! Did I miss something? Am I just fucking stupid and I missed the all the good shit?

Combine this with the wish-washy aesthetics and music, it leads to an incredible feeling of not really knowing what to make of things. You’ll just be sprinting around, shooting all the red things on the compass just to get it over with by Monarch. And when you realize that LMG’s are just...the best weapons in the game as far as I could tell, and there’s no real downsize to them, you’ll just fucking run around gunning everything down while some forgettable track plays in the background until some enemy with a weirdly large health bar forces you to think for a bit before you get back to running around and shooting shit again.

Despite this though? I still overall enjoyed the combat. I liked running around and becoming the 4th Horseman. Plus with the mechanics overall being fun to use, it wasn’t really that bad. But I can’t say on an objective level I think it’s good for a game to feel like that. Because despite how heavy handed I’m being right now (and will be throughout the rest of this impromptu review), I don’t hate this game.

Sound design is overall very good. Guns make satisfying shooty shooty bang bang noises, and as I said before, the VA’s are overall very good all around. Parvati stands out as the most interesting character to listen to in general. She has a lot of informal speech patterns that makes her distinct, and is generally a treat to listen talk. At worst, you get a character like Nyoka, who doesn’t sound bad by any real means, but for a lot of her dialogue, I felt they should’ve slowed it down and focused on getting her emotions down. But it certainly wasn’t bad.

Storywise? This game wasn’t particularly interesting. I’m gonna put the keep reading thing here because I want to avoid spoilers for anyone who hasn’t played yet and cares about them. Long story short, I think the game was good, but very disappointing given what it could have been. I enjoyed myself for the most part, but often found the lack of anything super special to really hold it back from achieving something I think the gaming industry needed in an era of, ironically enough, hyper greedy corporations with no morals to speak of.

So, what did I think of the story? And I guess by extension, the side quests. Overall, I think the main story was...not very good. There was a lot of good stuff inbetween though, and a lot of side quests and little things definitely were enjoyable. But the plot is just not nearly as engaging as it should be. Given how short it was though, that might’ve been a mercy.

The story, as roughly as I can summarize is, is that you’re a colonist frozen on the colony ship “Hope.” It’s been adrift for 70 years, but you’re woken up by a guy named Phineas Welles (he’s basically Doc Brown, but nicer). The Board (which consists of the 10 companies who own and run the colony/solar system) try to stop him, but they fail, and you’re escape podded onto Terra 2, near a dying town called Edgewater. The pod accidentally kills the contact you were to meet, so now you’re gonna steal his ship and use it to do shit basically.

Along the way, you pick up a ragtag band of miscreants and general shitheads and kill a lot of people and wildlife in a quest to stop the corrupt Board from running the colony harder into the dirt than they already have. It’s very by the numbers, more or less. I guess.

The immediate issue is that, despite being able to join the Board and betray Phineas if you want, there’s absolutely no fucking reason to do that. Not a single goddamn reason, other than for the evulz. This creates an issue where I feel no reason to deviate from the Phineas side of the story. And I know what someone might be thinking “But Pixel! The Board is supposed to be evil!” And I am absolutely aware of that. But the thing is, so was Caesar’s Legion in Fallout New Vegas. And yet, that faction is often considered just as interesting and compelling a faction for the game as the NCR or Mr. House. People will, to this day, still argue over who had the best idea for solving the Wasteland’s issues. Because despite how evil the Legion is, they still had very valid points about the NCR and how horribly corrupt and bloated it was. And there was absolutely an argument to be made about how safe they made their lands for those under their ownership. Stuff like that that makes you actually consider and think about whether or not you're actually making the right choices for the whole of the New Vegas wasteland, and by extension the rest of the Western part of America.

Here? There’s no contest. There is no necessary evils. There is no good reason the Board does anything. No logic, no reason. All they can do is fuck shit up even more, and that makes them such a boring, vague antagonist that there was never a moment in my mind I actually considered working for them. Any potential moments they had to sway me or dashed aside by them constantly proving how they could never actually fix the problems they made. And if that was the intention? Then Obsidian fucked up.

People remember the villains that raise a point a hell of a lot more than they do villains that are just evil for the sake of it (there are obviously exceptions, for an RPG? you need a compelling villain). And that’s why no one will remember this game in a decade. It pales so hard in comparison to New Vegas, it’s not even funny. It’s on par with Fallout 3, at best. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing if the whole point of this game was to make a statement against an increasingly morally bankrupt Bethesda.

Let’s look at, per se, Skyrim. Paarthurnax was a supporting character with an interesting backstory: he’s Alduin’s brother, who is the main antagonist. He is a dragon that secludes himself on the top of the tallest mountain in Skyrim, who meditates and focuses on suppressing his inherit evil dragon nature. Despite this nature, he chooses to be good. And he asks a very compelling question.

"What is better? To be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?”

In a single sentence, Skyrim asked a more though provoking question than the entirely of The Outer Worlds. And if you played F:NV, then it’s probably weird to hear that, because F:NV was full of moral and philosophical quandaries. So where did it all go?

The thing is, people forget that the Obsidian that made F:NV is dead and gone. The actual people who made that game have all moved on from that company. This is the child trying to replicate the success of it’s parents, without entirely understanding exactly what the parent did to achieve what it achieved.

The biggest difference between F:NV and TOW is that F:NV really forces you to think. TOW just doesn’t require that, at all.

Phineas good, Board bad. No thinking required.

I think the real warning sign is at the beginning of the game as well. Edgewater, the first town in the game, is dying. People are leaving and the town's also dealing with a disease epidemic. The town’s leader’s answer? Cut off power to the deserters, and force them to work harder despite the fact the town’s basically dying because of the overworking and disease. Despite the fact there’s not even enough medicine to heal everyone, and they have to play favorites with who lives and who dies.

What the fuck logic is this? Why would I ever choose that?

The only other choice, unless I missed a compromise solution (which I would’ve wanted) is to route power to the deserters and finish off the town more or less. The deserters wouldn’t take in everyone though, so a lot of people would die anyways. But even then, she’s still clearly the more competent leader. There’s not a goddamn contest.

It just continues like that the whole game. I rarely had to think about who I’d side with. because the solution is obvious. The literal only reason I’d side with the corporations is if I was being evil, nothing else.

The best the story gets is when you need to make a compromise on Monarch between MSI (a corporation who got the boot from the Board) and the Iconoclasts (Religious people who are anti corporation). If you work with the second in command of the Iconoclasts, you can depose their extremist, dipshit leader and work out a truce. Which is good! It rewards the player for this too, when these factions come to help in the final level of the game (and when you see specific characters you could save helping out, that also make it feel like your decisions had an impact). You see the two factions...standing next to eachother, which isn’t much, but it’s about as much change you see in the game.

Which is also another thing that TOW fails to accomplish: a sense of longevity with my decisions leads to me feeling that, despite making the right choices, nothing really changes.

Going back to Edgewater, you’d think after a while, I’d come back and the town would be entirely gone or something, right?

Nope.

Some NPC’s stood outside the factory forever, as did some guards. There weren’t any lights on. That’s about it.

Well, certainly the Deserters must give me more quests to help out, which can lead to me establishing them and helping them help the Edgewaterers, right?

No. Very quickly you realize there’s very little do or talk about with NPC’s after you do monumental decisions. The only functional difference is an opinion slider, which is another imitation from F:NV that means fuck all. The only in game things it affects is: a) The prices of venders of that factions

b) Whether or not that faction will shoot you on site.

That’s it as far as I noticed. The best idea they had, that being that factions can love you, but also fear you just doesn’t do anything. As far as I could tell, at least.

I’d love to be wrong, because I was so excited to see what would happen to entire settlements and after I helped them. After I made important decisions that’d change the face of the colony. And I felt so disappointing when it became apparent little actually mattered.

The companion sidequests aren’t too much better. The pacing is so weird, sometimes, depending on how available certain planets are. Parvati’s was especially jarring, despite it being the best written by far.

It basically is you helping her get with an engineer chick from the Groundbreaker. It’s pretty adorable overall, and without a doubt has some of the better writing character wise, but the pacing was so fucking weird. It initially starts with you getting Parvati to talk to her about engineering stuff. They say they’ll email and stuff about engineering stuff. which is neat. So I run around, finish up all the side quests on the ship as I can, then head back to my own ship. I did not go back to my ship at all during this.

When I come back, Parvati immediately tells me that she and the engineer, Junlei, have been messaging and getting flirty and now she has a crush and it’s just like “Dude, were you texting her while we murdered all those bugs in the engine?”

It’s doubly funny as well, because Obsidian wanted to avoid the player having romanceable characters. Which makes about as much sense as you think. Once source said the reason was that they wanted you to focus on roleplay, and not trying to bang anyone you found hot (okay?). Another just said they weren’t ready for it. And I believe it. As much as I think romance would’ve been another good thing to add depth to this game, I bet you they’d have fucked it up. It’s just funny. Even Fallout 4 had pretty acceptable romances.

Granted the system was fucking basically “Kill shit together until you wanna bang” but fuck, it was something! It also doesn’t help there’s a bunch of cuties all over this game: Huxley stands out as an adorable muffin who becomes a generic NPC at the end of the MSI/Iconoclast questline, despite the fact you can even repair her journal terminal with zero indication at you can do it, which is good! Let me just do things to be nice! But she literally just sits there after you rescue her with a few dialogue options which goes away after the peace deal, and it's so fucking frustrating that I want to enjoy the characters more, but none of them seem to have more than a paragraph's worth of depth to them and it's so sad.

Even the companions are like this. At the beginning I’d try and talk with Parvati about anything, but the only dialogue options would be about getting her out of the party, and that’s it. I can’t ask her what she thinks of things, or of the current quest/situation. There’s such a weird lack of depth in a weird amount of areas, that it felt almost worse than playing a Bethesda game.

I think the penultimate disappointment of the game is, fittingly, the final level, Tartarus. Which is fitting, because it feels very hellish. Not the planet mind you, or the prison which it takes place in, but just the complete lack of anything super special. It’s just the same kind of environments you’ve already run through, but bigger and with more bullet sponge bad guys. Which is funny, because jumping around and killing an army on a purple hell planet that has perpetual lightning storms would’ve been sick as fuck, but nah, gotta run around on Scylla instead of anywhere else compelling.

In my playthrough, MSI, the Groundbreaker, and the Iconoclasts came to help me deal with all the fucking goons, which was mostly cool because I didn’t have to deal with the tediousness of killing every last one of corporate goon myself.

This is about as big of an impact your decisions come to as far as I’ve noticed. Which isn’t saying much.

You meet the Chairman of the Board here, by the way. I just shot him and kept moving. shrugs

There’s also a last minute villain in this Sophia person, who is also apparently on the Board? It’d help if there was a list of the Board people, which could’ve been on a terminal somewhere. Maybe I’m dumb and never found it, which is plausible.

The final boss fight, (I hesitate to call it that) is just somewhat large robot. It’s a bullet sponge with respawning combat drones flying everywhere and they’re very annoying. I died once after around 10 minutes of fighting, then using Parvati and Felix’s (he’s another companion, he’s also okay I guess) combat abilities I knocked it down and layed into the robot’s weak spot. He died very quickly.

So depending on how you do it, the final fucking boss is either stupidly hard or mind numbingly easy. I don’t know which is worse.

So you go past the dead robot, gun down Sophia in one shot, and save Phineas. You basically become the leader of Halcyon, there’s a F:NV-esque slideshow and commentary about your actions that somehow is worse that New Vegas’s, credits roll, and you sit there thinking “That’s it? That’s really it?”

Yeah, that’s it.

It’s such a let down, especially because this was supposed to be Fallout New Vegas’s spiritual successor. But all it does it make me want to play that game instead of this one.Which is probably what you should do regardless if you pick this game up or not.

There’s a bunch of other mechanics and stuff I never brought up. There’s technically a character customization screen, but you literally only see your character in the select menu, and there’s no third person. There’s a barber in Edgewater who’s also a doctor, and yet you can’t even get a haircut from him (again, failing to match up to even Fallout 3).

There’s these Mods you can put on armor and guns, and you find them by the bucket full so you’ll always have those. Just get an aim stabilizing one for an LMG and you’ll be fine. You can also tinker your armor and weapons, making them stronger if you spend credits on it (why not the armor and weapon parts, I’ll never fucking know). You can repair your stuff at a workbench, which is advisable. Just take all the weapons and armor you pick up, take it apart for parts, and never worry about it again. You’ll get money from quests, so buying those parts is meaningless and a waste of money

There’s also hacking and stealth and stuff. Stealth is such a non...thing in the game. There’s no silencers, but since all enemies decided to put cotton into their ears, there’ll be plenty of times I shoot someone, and a guy ten feet away heard fucking nothing. Plus there’s this disguise mechanic where you pick up ID guards and get a hologram disguise that wears out as you walk (passing speech check from suspicious guards restores it), so it’s not like sneaking around was ever a priority. Just put your points into the speech. Stealth is a dump stat more or less.

Oh yeah, Parvati’s an ace lesbian. Which is nice that they handled that way in a non-dipshit way (you can also identify as ace in certain dialogue with her in her companion questline, which is funny considering they never let you fuck anyways, so it’s weird that you even have the choice). My only complaint is that they should’ve put this representation in a better game.

What’s funny is that, despite everything, I don’t even hate this game. I feel a remarkable numbness, followed by a desire for something better. I spent about a week burning through it? If I had more free time, I could’ve finished it sooner probably. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it. It was pretty fun for what it was, but knowing that this is somehow supposed to match up to what F:NV was is sad, and a sign of how bad the gaming industry had fallen.

The only difference here is that unlike the Outer Worlds, I can’t purge the rot of the gaming industry with a haelstrom of plasma bullets.

Would I recommend this game? I guess. There’s still some fun to be had, but don’t expect anything too major or interesting. Get it on sale, it;s not worth $60 right now. There’s apparently DLC coming out for it eventually? I might play it, and I might post an update to this review, or make a seperate post for that eventually. Depends on how well this one does? Or if the DLC makes me feel enough emotion to type something out like this in 2 straight hours.

#the outer worlds #fallout #obsidian #bethesda #skyrim #review #parvati holcomb #felix millstone #phineas welles #huxley #i might make a post about other miscellaenous grievances #but don't count on it

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