#I think this is the first time ever I love my own writing so much - like I love everything about it and i'm so happy with it haha | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pineapplefulfillseveryneed · 14 hours

Text

Sparks tour 2023

Posting this close to a whole year after the fact, but a tour this good really takes time for me to process. My chest was constantly exploding with how much I loved it all and I have no idea how to put that into words. (I've fully come to understand why Sparks themselves stick with a lovely audience photo after every show accompanied by a massive "THANK YOU!".) However I do want to preserve my tour memories with more detail as well, so at a risk of terrible writing... here's part one of me attempting to write it all down. I went to 5 shows (Manchester, Royal Albert Hall x2, Utrecht and Brussels) and I'll be making posts for all of them. (...I am unreasonably excited to talk about the show in Brussels, but all in good time.) This first post will probably be the longest one as I will be including my first reactions to all the songs, and will equally talk about Mr. B's set in detail :) (Spoiler alert: he too was absolutely amazing and contributed considerably to how great everything was.)

Show #1: Bridgewater Hall, Manchester (may 27, 2023)

Things had not gone smoothly at all for me with the ticket sale for this show, but it worked out amazingly as the result was that @where-did-the-groove-go got to be my concert buddy which was such an honour! It was her first Sparks show and my first one of the tour and honestly, you can't do much better than to start of with a Manchester show. I had been worried about how far away our seats would be but it was a lot closer than photos of the venue had made it seem and we had an amazing view: we were in the centre of the middle of the first balcony, the seats were on a slight slope so no heads were blocking our view. Both of us had decided not to listen to the album before the show as it had only been out for a day. It was a tough decision to make, but it was absolutely the right one :D Okay, onto the show!!

Opening act: Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer

I was so excited to see Mr. B! I've known about him for years independently of Sparks and had missed out on seeing him with the Hippopotamus tour, so FINALLY I was seeing Mr. B! He came on in an amazing outfit and graced us with the opening lines of... Here Comes Bob?! I was losing my shit! We're not just being treated to Mr. B, but we're treated to Mr. B playing Sparks?! I am not normally one to enjoy Sparks covers, but I was having the time of my life! I love this guy! He then went on to play the Mr. B classic All Hail The Chap! (my sister would be jealous hehe), which I loved so much! The audience was a little slow to catch on, but eventually got there with doing their part which I was happy about. This was followed up by once again familiar notes... Amateur Hour?! MORE SPARKS?? Are you kidding me right now, what did we do to deserve this! IT WAS SO GOOD! After which it didn't end, because then he went on to play Get In The Swing (which is one of my favourite songs of all time - I was being very normal and chill about everything). It took me a moment to grasp the fact we were being treated a full-blown Sparks medley, because it didn't stop there and he just kept going with the Sparks songs. The medley lasted nearly 10 minutes and my mind was blown at many points. He included so many songs that I had only ever dreamed of hearing live. I was having THE BEST TIME. He ended the medley by loudly singing "ALL YOU EVER THINK ABOUT IS SEX!!!!". I was laughing so much, it really was the perfect medley. The next song was one of his own songs that I hadn't heard yet but it had me chuckling so much, a song called Looking Forward To Leaving that he thought might resonate with the Sparks sensibility and their fans. (All too right, sir, all too right.) He finished his set with a cover of Suburban Homeboy and I couldn't have been happier. THE Suburban Homeboy supreme covering that song, Mr.B you have all my love. Sparks had yet to hit the stage but this evening was already made. (@dinkydiamond had seen the show the night before and like a good friend who doesn't spread spoilers, had only told me that at many points she had thought about how much I was going to love it. I hadn't even thought about the fact that that statement would include Mr. B's set to such a degree!)

Mr. B's setlist

(You may enjoy listening to the medley first before knowing what songs were part of the medley, so proceed with caution. I've added asterisks to the titles of the songs within it that blew me out of my seat the most.)

Here Comes Bob

All Hail The Chap!

Medley: Amateur Hour, Get In The Swing*, Big Boy, Moustache, What Are All These Bands So Angry About?*, Strange Animal*, Mickey Mouse, I Predict, When I'm With You, Missionary Position*, All You Ever Think About Is Sex*

Looking Forward To Leaving

Suburban Homeboy

_____

The music played in the hall was SO TENSE AND DRAMATIC. You just got to love and respect Sparks for their music picks to play in the hall before the show, they really know how to set the scene and get the audience excited and anxious in equal amounts. (A few shows later we learned it was film music by Bernard Hermann, which really was such an amazing choice. I'll come back to this subject later on with a bit more info on the songs in my write-up of another show.)

The big event! ~Sparks!~

HOLY SHIT their entrance music was so exciting and beautiful!!!! Russell's outfit! GOD YEAH. It also immediately became clear this audience was going to be AMAZING, everyone was so ready to go! RON WAS WEARING JORDANS!!!! (A dream of mine to see one day!!!) To a lot of very loud cheering, Russell proceeded to do his famed "So.... Manchester, may we start?" to start things off. Still the perfect opener, and I never tire of when So May We Start kicks off and Russell does the jump. The audience response was amazing, which was really fun to see from the balcony! I was really enjoying the lights, which also were especially great to see from our balcony seats! (Also Russell gets an award for performer of the year for pretending to look at his imaginary watch while singing "it's time to start".)

I loved doing the ah-ah-ah's with the entire audience for The Girl Is Crying In Her Latte, and it was so cool to see it live! The lights were absolutely excellent. But a gif will say what I loved the most about the performance of that song a lot better than words ever could, so:

Russell was being really sweet about how playing Manchester is always really great and then added it was the "first time we play this ProPEr THeAtrE, but uh we'll try to make due anyway". (Footage of him saying this exists and it's extremely blessed.) He spoke about the new album and asked the audience which number it is. The audience incoherently shouted some things back, to which Russell's response was to roast us all by saying "Clearly you don't know."

Eaten By The Monster Of Love was a totally unexpected treat that blew my mind! It's quite possibly my favourite song from Angst In My Pants and I love the synth line so much! So lucky!!! I loved Russell's dancing during Angst In My Pants, I had really missed his dancing and with that song it's always especially excellent. Beaver O'Lindy blew my brains out! I'd not expected that at all! The lights were amazing (the spotlight for the accordion parts, the portraying of the letters, light flashing on Ron from all sides - I've got footage of this and somehow it looked especially good this night), shouting along to B-E-A-V-E-R, Russell's falsetto... What a perfect song, it's got it all :D "Yes I knooow - WOO!" When I'm With You was so special, it's so blessed that they chose to play it. It's how we all feel about them, and what's better than to sing it back at them while they're playing it for us :) It's also a song that highlights Russell's amazing voice especially well, his voice absolutely kills me and I wouldn't have it any other way. I also loved those swirly lights! And what we've gone on to affectionately refer to as "Russell's swim dance". Nothing Is As Good As They Say It Is is an absolute banger and it was my favourite of the 3 singles that had already been released before the album came out - I was so ready to go :D I loved Russell's moves for this song so much! Something that really stayed with me is that he actually spun around for "Take a look around and you'll understand". (Can I love him even more?)

The time arrived for the first new song from the album that me and @where-did-the-groove-go hadn't heard yet, which Russell introduced with these words: "This is another brand new song for any of you who feel like maybe you're not on the right course." *small pause* "It's a song that's called 'It Doesn't Have To Be That Way'." ...I was simultaneously having an out of body and in of body experience and already felt teary eyed, and the song hadn't even started yet. It hit me really hard, it was so beautiful and I am so grateful that this was how I first heard this song. "It doesn't have to be that way, OKAY". I was literally holding my heart throughout the whole song (which I was doing quite often during the show anyway but, I literally couldn't do anything else). Absolutely transfixed. "I'll pay for it, I'll pay for it". Thank you so much Sparks for having our backs <3 Genuinely one of the most beautiful experiences and songs ever. (We all spoke about it for many days, for weeks, even months after the show. And obviously I am still talking about it now. I've got my full essay on it elsewhere so you'll be spared of that here - I think you all understand what I mean anyway.)

BALLS hit me in the face like a brick! (Positive. SO VERY POSITIVE.) It's one of my current absolute favourite songs and I had been raving about Balls all the time for the last year or so! I would have never expected to hear it live, AND HERE WE WERE! I was completely losing my shit!!! It was intense, banging, and also beautiful. Also the lights during the instrumental bit?! The way the light filled the hall?!! R&R were both going at it with full energy, I couldn't love it more! Balls and shouting along to it with my fist in the air was one of the absolute biggest highlights of the show for me! (And there were so many highlights.) I am pretty sure there was at least one BALLS [insert fist emoji here] aimed in my direction which I am so grateful for! It was so cool! *synced up BALLS!* Hearing one of my favourite bits of lyrics live, "Do you want to wait, or crash the gate?", was just something else. Balls is one of THE inspirational songs of all time. At least to me. (After the show 3 friends seperately came up to me and shouted BALLS! at me before saying anything else and I love you all so much, you all really know me well [teary eyed smile emoji] That was really special to me. I've made some gifs of some of my Balls footage too, most of my footage of it is rightfully feral but some of it came out well: 1, 2.)

Shopping Mall Of Love remains such a win live, Ron is appropriately intense and cool (not that Ron is ever not cool - Ron is always cool) and I love the way he performs the song. Russell did some great dancing behind Ron too, and also walked around like a badass while singing his "Come, the shopping mall of love, come with me" parts. Award winning! Also THE CLAPS. Always, THE CLAPS. And Manchester audiences know how it's done [fire emoji] Toughest Girl In Town was yet another absolutely amazing and surprising setlist choice, so cool! What I especially liked was that I could see Sarah and Amanda losing their shit to it downstairs in the stalls, dancing so hard in their seats :D That really added to it - some big Toughest Girl In Town fans down there! (I am so proud of my friends.) Also.. THE TAMBOURINE!!! [heart emoji]

The next song that was new to us was Escalator, and I loved it SO MUCH!!! It had me immediately. The driving machine type of sound, the very clear and bright sounding synth sounds, Russell's escalator dance (!!!!! which he did a lot, btw, almost the entire song), the lights! This song just *feels* amazing, the lights going up and down - hell yeah. Russell's escalator dance really is everything to me. I was holding my heart the entire time. I live in this song now, this is now my new home. You can wake me up in the middle of the night for a live performance of Escalator. Any time. (To say it was an instant favourite is an understatement.)

We Go Dancing was similarly new to us, and sadly it felt like it went over most of the audience's head a bit because obviously very few people had heard the album so far and it's a hard one for catching the lyrics live. A very intense experience but also really cool, it's a super blessed thing to be able to hear songs live before hearing it elsewhere. After hearing it I was excited to find out later what the song would have been about.

*Ron plays piano motif* OH MY GOD BON VOYAGE?! YOU WHAT?!! Russell's vocals were literally everything and I loved all the arm swaying, it was such a sweet experience and another song that so clearly shows how awesome Manchester audiences are when it comes to Sparks. I loved this so much! Russell's moves for the "two of you, two of them" bit were absolutely *chef's kiss* too :D All of this was soon followed by me gasping yet again when the first notes of Music That You Can Dance To filled the hall! My literal reaction was OH MY GOD THEY KEPT IT!!!!! *proceeds to go nuts* One of The Live Songs Ever, a song I already loved before hearing it live, and possibly my favourite live song from the tour the year prior too. (I am pretty sure I screamed quite audibly and notably on the previous tour every time they played it, and I am happy to report I still feel exactly the same.) We all know this gets everyone out of their seats, and with this being Manchester it was especially amazing. It was so great to watch everyone equally going nuts from the balcony, party of all time! Russell's mic stopped working at some point though which was sad, but it only lead to him clapping and dancing harder. So mic be damned, it was possibly even more fun and special because of it.

You know there's little point in sitting down after Music That You Can Dance To (and I don't really want to sit down after that to begin with, if at all, but I am a bit self-conscious about dancing in the balcony), so we leaned on our seats for a second while the opening notes of When Do I Get To Sing My Way were played. It obviously *really* took off again rather quickly :D Unfortunately the mic problem came back but this time it was rapidly solved and Russell got to sing almost the whole song anyway, and I can not overstate how great it was to watch this whole audience dancing.

The party continued with The Number One Song In Heaven which obviously always wins, and of course included Ron's dance - HELL YEAH. However towards the end of the song Russell's microphone stopped working YET AGAIN. He was handed another microphone, which was equally not doing anything, and so he yeeted the mic. (all too right honestly, how many broken mics are you going to hand him?! That was not ok.) Of course this really sucked, especially for Russell, but this man's a true professional and made all of this extra fun for everyone: he went at it extra hard with the clapping and dancing and no one in the audience was going to let this ruin anything either. Russell gestured for the audience to sing the lines and we *really* did our best. ([salute emoji] On it boss!) It ended up being extra special because of it and we all still had the absolute best time. But of course at the same time it was rightfully upsetting. Once Russell had a mic that worked again he expressed his disappointment in not being able to sing the end of the song, which is one of his favourite parts. (Oof tech team, bad job.)

The show went on and Ron did a false start for This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us which is always a great time, people go nuts and then the song doesn't start hahaha. This audience was so phenomenal, it was the best time. And such a party when the song did properly start! Obviously there was a really large applause after that :) Which seemed to only stop because they started playing Gee, That Was Fun. It was so beautiful and touching. And really sad because indeed, noo, we don't want this to end! The standing ovation afterwards was massive and so very love filled. From my perspective even the bouncers seemed in awe with the audience. This audience could switch from going nuts to completely silent to a loving standing ovation in an instant, depending on what was happening on stage. It really was one of the best audiences I've been part of, I loved it so much! ^^ Ron and Russell very sweetly waved before leaving the stage :)

~Encore!~

They came back to a lot of cheering to which Russell said "Thank you - THE PARTY IS NOT OVER!" and we all cheered yet again, as A Love Story started. Another new song! WOOOOHH THIS WAS HITTING HARD! I loved it so much! And the lights with the massive X's were so cool! Absolutely a highlight! When My Baby's Taking Me Home started me and @where-did-the-groove-go yelled out in unison which is still so funny to me and also, all too right, all too right!!! It doesn't matter if you've seen it live a couple of times or if it's your first time - it HITS. The audience was once again utterly amazing, really heightening the experience. (ALSO, the rainbow lights that fades to white!)

During the band introduction Ron was still clapping for the other band members when Russell went "oh yeah..." and went to stand beside Ron and did a cheesy grin, "the guy who writes much of what you've heard this evening and what you've heard on albums 1 to 26", *Ron does a Ron-cringe*, "my big brother, Ron Mael." This started a RON RON RON chant which made me so happy :D When it seemed to die down just a tiny bit, Russell interrupted and said "He says thank you." asdjhds, sir XD He also added that Manchester shows are always amazing but "this one tops them all". [insert teary eyed smile emoji] (True though, it really was one of the best shows I've been to, if not the best one!) After that, All That was such a smiley lovely performance and I did quite a bit of internal screaming with how lovely exactly it all was and had been. (When I watch footage back I can't help but say "aww" out loud quite a few times. It really was so sweet.)

Something I hadn't realised as it happened but learned about later was that they were so happy with their bow - which was so fun. I had avoided spoilers of course but I learned that there was a bit of bowing-chaos in Oxford. So in Manchester there was a 'Wahey, we nailed the bow!!' moment after bowing XD (I made a post about that, it's too good.)

MASSIVE STANDING OVATION. Russell forced the microphone on Ron, saying "Here! He hasn't spoken on the tour so it's only cos it's Manchester", as he proceeds to evily walk away. This moment was so funny to me because Russell clearly knew very well what he was doing and Ron was just standing there smiling looking at this happening, with no chance of handing the mic back. His speech was wonderful and really sweet, starting off with saying that the citizens of other cities were going to hate him for this XD The audience was so silent while he spoke and didn't start cheering until he had actually finished speaking which was real nice. Russell wanted to grab the mic back after that but Ron didn't want to let it go yet, which was another moment I really enjoyed witnessing. Ron introduced Russell as the vocalist of the band, which had Russell standing there smiling really wide, after which Russell quickly grabbed the mic back. (I love them so much hahaha.) Russell asked to take a photo with "all of you fine people" (I am normal about this) and happily bounced after the photo was taken. The applause got going again and it was just the best. Russell blew kisses to people and the amount of love in the hall was just so damn high.

It felt like they didn't want to have to leave that stage and obviously we didn't want them to leave either. Everyone was just so happy to be there. What a show. What an audience. It really was the sweetest :)

Sparks setlist

So May We Start?

The Girl Is Crying In Her Latte

Eaten By The Monster Of Love

Angst In My Pants

Beaver O'Lindy

When I'm With You

Nothing Is As Good As They Say It Is

It Doesn't Have To Be That Way

Balls

Shopping Mall Of Love

The Toughest Girl In Town

Escalator

We Go Dancing

Bon Voyage

Music That You Can Dance To

When Do I Get To Sing 'My Way'

The Number One Song In Heaven (featuring Ron's dance)

This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us

Gee, That Was Fun

A Love Story

My Baby's Taking Me Home

All That

(I did not make it into the photo as I am behind Ron's head, but @where-did-the-groove-go and some other friends did make it in ^_^)

~ Bonus: post show shenanigans ~

After the show we were hanging out with a little group of us in the entrance hall of the venue, quite a lot of our tumblr people and even some of our friends from Japan were present which was so cool! It was so very nice to see everyone, whether it was seeing again or for the first time! I went to say hello to Mr. B who was manning his own merch table to let him know how much I'd loved his set, and that covering Sparks isn't easy to do in my opinion but that he truly nailed it. He said he had been nervous about it and only had had 2 weeks to prepare. (Sir that's incredible!) He was really lovely. He said he hoped to see me again and I gave him the cringiest: "Oh, you WILL!" (With fingerguns.) (...I really am like this.)

Our little group decided to check out the artists entrance, but there were so many people there and so when Ron and Russell actually *did* come out me and another friend both instinctively hid behind a wall. (Normal behaviour. ...but we just really don't want to crowd them.) There was another round of applause, which was really lovely. I was very busy hiding behind that wall though so I am not the most reliable person to say what happened next, but Ron and Russell kept their distance and stayed for a little bit to wave and smile at people which was really lovely. When they entered their car to leave, the fans instantly parted like the sea to clear the road for the car and I love that our fandom is like that :) We all waved as they passed by, and then ...the car had to immediately stop in front of a red traffic light 5 metres away. I absolutely lost it, you just can't make this up XD (We left immediately.) It was so hard for our group to then have to split up after such a lovely evening, but attempts to sleep needed to be made and there was the journey to London the next day. (Not that we slept much at all, there was a lot to discuss and think about.) Luckily a lot of us would be going on to London so at least we'd all be seeing each other again soon :)

#wow I finally managed to write this! *gives myself a medal* - stay tuned for part 2!#sparks tour 2023 #sparks tour 2023 europe #sparks #russell mael #ron mael #manchester #bridgewater hall #may 27 2023 #2023 #20's

21 notes · View notes

dsireland86 · 1 day

Text

LOVESONG

Nicholas Ruffilo x Reader

18+ for smut, language, and angst

"However far away I will always love you However long I stay I will always love you/Whatever words I say I will always love you I will always love you"

TAGS:

@somewhere-diamond, @philomenie, @pathion, @acciobuckybarness

Lovesong

“Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again/ Whenever I’m alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again.”

The constant dragging of the pen across my skin doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would. Nick was right when he told me I'd be fine. I watch him, how he easily guides the needle over my skin, following the lines of the words painted on my arm. It’s a simple tattoo; simple words in simple writing, but it’s the meaning behind them. It’s what it represents that makes me smile. I look up at Nick and watch his expression, so serious, so focused, and smile, grateful that he's mine.

“There, finished,” he says, turning off the pen and removing his gloves. I bring my arm over and grin when I see the finished product. It’s perfect. I have no intention masking the tears forming behind my eyes either because if there’s anything Nicholas knows best about me it’s that I get emotional when it comes to him, so I leave them, letting them softly slide down my cheeks. The words carry a deep meaning for me and Nick ever since we listened to the song they belonged together. It was the first time we kissed, and that first kiss led to many sweet, hot make out sessions and moments of realizing that neither of us wanted anyone else. They were the bridge that connected our hearts together and reminded us of the truth; that we would always love each other. Looking up into his pale green eyes, he slid his hand over my cheek while holding my stare, smiling.

“I love it, thank you baby.” Grinning, I pull Nicholas into me, giving him a gentle kiss, but the more he leans into me, the more greedy I become. Our tongues meet and dance together as I grip the corner of his shirt with my one good hand and cling to him, never wanting to let him go. If I do, I might stop breathing. “How can I be so fucking attracted to you by just you laying in chair like this,” he mumbles against my lips while climbing on top of me. Giggling, I welcome him, opening my legs wider so he can lay into me and when he does I instantly feel complete. The pressure of his swollen length, hard against my heat, stirs the fire in me that is yearning to ignite into something unstoppable. Nick’s breath is shaky, telling me he’s thinking of things he probably shouldn’t be, but rubs noses with mine anyway, caressing the side of my face with his long, tattooed hand. He creases his brow in frustration, trying to find a stimulant for the friction between his own legs. I want to be that stimulant so I encourage him by arching my back and thrusting my sex against him. “Why am I so freaking in love with you,” he grumbles and lowers his lips to my neck. I arch my head back further to give him more access and moan as he continues rubbing against me. “I could write poems on your neck with my lips; that’s how much I love you.” I feel the low rumble of a growl against his chest as his lips slide across my neck.

“You just love the idea of me,” I joke.

“No.” Nicholas pulls back and looks at me. “No,” he says again, caressing the side of my face again. "I do love you,” pecking my lips. I can’t help but smile a little and pull him down with my one good arm, and kiss him, hard.

“I love you too; so much that I can’t even explain it.”

Nick’s eyes have always been the focal point for me. They were the first thing I ever noticed about him. They way they look at me, see me, they just make me dive right into him, head first with no regret. We stare into each other for a moment and just when I think he’s about to get up, he lifts my shirt up instead and begins to drag his hands over my belly and under the waistband of my leggings, making me gasp. He looks up at me with a smirk and tugs at my leggings, until he has them partially down.

“Nick, what the fuck!” I’m so scared someone’s going to catch us.

“Relax, Y/N. We’re good. It’s late. No one’s coming back tonight.” He gets up off me and pulls the privacy curtain that loops entirely around his work space closed.

“Better,” he asks? I nod, giving him a shy smile. “Are you going to leave me like this?” pointing towards my bottom half. Nick pulls out his phone and my eyes grow wide. “Don’t you dare, Ruffilo,” I scold him. But he just smiles and snaps a few pictures of me before I’m able to do anything. “For memories sake,” he smirks. “No!” I cry, throwing my head back, laughing. Leaving me exactly how I am, Nick begins to clean up my finished tattoo, working carefully, but quickly so we can continue where he left off. After covering it properly and removing his gloves, he slides over to me on his rolling stool and removes my leggings entirely. Spreading my legs and exposing my soaking wet pussy to his eyes alone, Nicholas licks his lips and whistles. “Really, We’re doing this here?” Not that I minded. I just wanted to hear him tell me how badly he wanted me. He looks up at me and grins while grabbing his phone and after a few seconds of waiting, our song begins to play over the bluetooth speaker.

My heart stops beating and the feeling that swallows me up is indescribable. “Nick,” I whisper as “Lovesong” by the Cure plays, filling the room with a haunting aurora. “Relax my love. Embrace the feeling,” he says convincingly, rising to his feet and pulling me down until my ass is partially off the chair. He sinks to his knees as I grip the sides of the chair in anticipation of what’s about to happen. When his tongue licks up in between my folds a loud, unintentional cry escapes me, and as he begins to work up my pussy, I embrace the feeling rushing through me like he told me to and refuse to hold back any sound or word that wants to escape.

“Shit baby, fuck,” I moan, feeling Nick’s tongue plunge deep inside my opening. Between the lyrics being belted out by Robert Smith and the way Nick is fucking me with his mouth, my arousal is climbing quickly to its tipping point. “Y/N, I fucking love you so much, you know that, right?” I look down at Nick and the way he’s staring at me, mouth glistening with a mixture of my juices and his spit have me all kinds of crazy. But I nod, too out of breath to say anything. He smiles while running his finger through my slit and I hear him moan the second he dives back into me, eating and devouring everything he wants. “You’re mine to touch,” I hear him say in between the cries for more that spill out of me. “No one else's.” He slides two fingers at a time inside me, causing me to thrust into the feeling of them sliding between my walls as his tongue continues its electrifying assault. The sounds he’s making are edging me closer.

“Fuck, Nick, I want you, please. I want you on me, in me,” I pant, moaning when his fingers start pumping faster. I grind harder against them, pushing them knuckle deep and coating them with the wetness that only Nick can create in me. “That’s it, love, push that sweet pussy hard against my fingers. Soak my fingers and let me see those juices drip down my wrist just for me.” My thighs are shaking. Nick notices and takes a moment to stop and plant sweet kisses inside of them, biting tenderly at the warm flesh. I can’t hold back my moans. I don’t care if the whole street can hear me. The way Nick is making me feel is worth it. “God, Y/N the way you cry for me is so beautiful. I wanna hear more of it.” His mouth finds my entrance again, and this time he doesn’t hold back. “I want to make you cum for me baby.” I can’t deny the heat spreading under my skin or the fire in my abdomen that I feel. I know I’m close. “Nicky, fuck baby I’m almost there. Don’t stop, please don’t stop,” I beg him, reaching for the back of his head. My fingers find his hair and I tangle them in his messy bun, pushing his face against my cunt and locking his head in place with my thighs. His one hand locks around my calf and squeezes hard while the other one is pumping in and out of me at a merciless rhythm. With my heart racing and my muscles tightening, I grip Nick’s hair and start to moan louder, begging him not to stop as my arousal comes crashing into me, finishing me off on such a high that tears slip from the corners of my eyes and down to my ears. I’m breathless and my head is slightly spinning when Nick stands up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I can’t hold back any longer,” he confesses, undoing his belt and letting his pants and boxers fall to the floor. “I want you… here…right now,” pulling me down a little more and lining his swollen cock with my sex.

“Seeing you between my legs is so fucking hot.” Nicholas raises his eyes to me and grins big, and then without warning, slams himself into me like a savage dog. His lips part, exposing his teeth making the feeling of the ridges on his cock buried deep in me more intoxicating than before. I urge him on, panting and moaning his name along with words barely audible, watching the euphoric expression on his face take over. He throws his head back, holding my legs wrapped tightly around him and continues to pound into me, taking from me everything that makes him feel like a man. “That’s it my love, say my name as I fuck your tight little pussy that holds me just right.” He looks down then lays into me, kissing my lips with so much hunger I almost can’t breathe. Gripping his shoulders, I squeeze, digging my nails into the flesh covered by his black “My Chemical Romance” shirt. “Nicky,” I moan, unable to finish my thought. He picks up his pace, thrusting into me at a frantic pace. My walls are fluttering around his cock as shockwaves grip my body. “Y/N, fuck baby you’ve got me almost there. Keep moaning for me, keep crying,” he growls, throwing his thumb over my clit and circling it as quickly as he can. I cry louder for him as my own climax explodes all around me and it proves to be enough for Nicholas as he quickly shoves the front of my shirt up, pulls out of me and releases his cum all over my stomach, shuttering and moaning out the rest of his orgasm. “Holy fuck, Y/N,” he nervously laughs. He milks himself one last time before placing a quick kiss on my lips and backs away to pull his pants back up. I lay there feeling utterly spent and out of breath, but feeling completely satisfied. Nick comes over with a towel, wiping up his mess and cleaning me off. Apparently, he put “Lovesong” on repeat because it starts over for a third time. But this time we sit across from each other and listen to the words together.

As we clean up and get ready to go home, we talk about how we’re adding tonight to the box of secret memories that include all the hot and heavy make out sessions in the book store where I work.

It’s a favorite place of ours. On weekends when I’m not working we get expensive coffee, dive into gothic authors like Poe and Walpole, and listen to The Cure on Nick's old Discman while sharing earbuds. I nestle in close to him with his arm around me and we share a book that I always let him pick out. It makes him happy and that’s all I want; to see Nicholas happy.

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------

We intended to spend the rest of our lives together and add more secrets to our box. But soon after Nicholas left with his band for a two month tour things started changing for me. My dad got really sick. So sick that we had to move hours away to be closer to the hospitals that were trying everything to save him. I didn't have a choice in anything that happened and it didn’t seem fair. Nick and I tried all we could to make the long distance and work schedules work, but with his constant touring, the outbreak, and my dad's sickness getting worse, life suddenly came crashing down all around us. It left us both broken, hurting in ways we never thought were possible for us. It ended us. I was the one who chose to walk away first because it was too painful to continue digging into wounds that were trying to heal. Everytime Nicholas left for a tour or to fly out to California, he took a piece of me with him, until eventually, I didn’t even recognize who I was anymore. I was done feeling that way. Our box of secrets eventually got buried, and possibly forgotten about at least for Nicholas. That’s what I always told myself on the days where I longed and ached for him. It was the easiest way to deal with it. If he didn’t care then why should I?

Eventually the pain passed and eventually the hurt faded, but I never got over Nick and the fact that I was the one that ultimately ended us. I carried that guilt with me everywhere. Especially with the success of his band. Bad Omens was everywhere and it seemed like no matter where I went I saw all four of their sweet faces or heard Noah’s incredible vocals that I knew he busted his ass to accomplish. He certainly wasn’t the boy in Folio’s garage screaming his head off anymore.

They had made it and they were living everything they talked about living and wanting during all those late nights I would spend with them in Nick's basement, all of them high or wasted. I was proud to have been there from the very beginning, watching them grow and conquer shit as a band and as individuals. But I was heartbroken to not be there now and often wondered, many times, if any of them still thought about me, especially Nicholas. The words tattooed on my skin with the memory of what happened after were a constant reminder of my stupidity. But I chose to pick up the broken pieces of life anyway and carry on living despite the pain. I had to fight even if it hurt.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“However far away, I will always love you

However long I stay, I will always love you

Whatever words I say, I will always love you

I will always love you”

I moved back a few months ago. With Dad’s death and Mom refusing to leave where his last moments with us were, I decided it was time for me to spread my wings a little. I missed my old home, the town, and the memories, and since it wasn’t too far from Mom, I signed a two year lease on an apartment right down from the old bookstore where I used to work. It closed about a year and a half after I left when the owners passed away. One died right after the other, possibly from a broken heart. The idea that one couldn't live without the other was beautiful, sort of like an “Annabell Lee” kind of thing. I could still hear Nick’s quiet voice when he told me how beautifully morbid my mind was after telling him it was my favorite poem of Poe's. I saw a different look in his eyes that day; the dark green hoodie he was wrapped in bringing out the soft green in his narrow orbs. The way they stared at me felt as if he might’ve been thinking about forever. Maybe he was. Needless to say that afternoon was another memory for our box of secrets.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------

Our fingers tangle, weaving in and out of each other’s as I sit between Nicholas’s legs, my head against his chest. There’s a soft silence between us once I finish the poem and gently close the book, laying it down next to me. The only thing we can hear from our small cozy nook tucked away in the back of the bookstore is the soft shuffling of a customer’s feet or the ringing of the doorbell indicating movement coming in or going out.

Nick places a gentle kiss on the side of my head. “Your mind is morbid, Y/N, but beautiful,” he states, stroking my hair away from my forehead and releasing a light chuckle. I lay my arms to rest on each of his legs that are covered by his favorite pair of black jeans; the ones with the holes in them. They’re my favorite too because they give me access to places only I’m allowed to touch. Massaging his thighs, I slide two fingers through the holes, feeling the warm flesh buried beneath them and I hear a subtle groan slip through his lips. It makes my toes tingle. “I know, I can’t help it. But I think it might be a reason you like me so much,” I say, smiling as I feel his thigh muscles flex then relax and he takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “It’s not the only reason I like you so much,” he muses. Nicholas lays his hands over mine as I continue to rub his legs, craving to feel more than just the little spot beneath my fingers. He leans down and runs his moist lips up my neck, leaving traces of small kisses as he goes. I clench between my legs as my core tingles with the familiar feeling I get everytime I’m close to Nick like this. I know he’s trying to work me up just as much as I am him. I close my thighs and the cool wetness of my arousal that soaks my panties rubs against my skin. I moisten my lips and whimper, shifting and purposely pushing hard against Nick's swollen cock. “Shit,” he mumbles, sucking in a light breath through his teeth

I knew where this was going, and as long as we were quiet, we'd get away with it. I remove my fingers from the holes and move them further up his slim legs, closer to where his hardness is pushed against my back. He twitches against me, causing me to giggle and wiggle against him some more. Nick’s breath hitches in his throat. “Two can play this game you know,” he croons, acknowledging my actions while taking a bit of my ear between his teeth and sucking it as I softly cry out. His hands snake around me and one finds the bottom of my throat; thumb and finger finding the perfect points to quiet me as the rest wrap around the sides, restricting my airwaves. The other one trails over my thigh and dives right into my warm center, gripping it, rubbing it, and shamelessly slides two of its fingers knuckle deep inside me. I want to moan, but Nick tightens his grip on my throat. “Shhhhhh…. You need to be a good girl and stay quiet. If you do, maybe I’ll let you cum on my dick instead of my fingers,” he whispers. My chest rises and falls quickly from the overstimulation of Nick’s fingers that are slowly and mercilessly moving in and out of my wet cunt that’s been hungry for him all day. My choked moans only encourage him to go faster, creating that coiling feeling all over my sensitive bundle of nerves. “Nick, I wanna cum so badly,” I whine weakly as the heart spreads under my skin. But the only thing I hear in return is the panting sounds coming from behind me.

Nick is totally getting off on what he’s doing to me and the thought alone makes me clench around his fingers. My arousal is at its peak and Nick has managed to build my pleasure up in such a way that I’m about to set a record and cum for him after only a few minutes of his foreplay. But just as the heat begins to pool in my lower back and abdomen, telling me I’m about to, he stops, pulling his fingers out of me, leaving me empty and whimpering for his touch. His grip on my throat loosens and I relax against him. “Fuck, Nick,” I hiss, my body limp in his arms. I hear him chuckle and feel the deep vibration in his chest. “I told you if you were good I’d let you cum on my dick, so get up here,” he insists, lifting me up. Excitedly, I sit up, turning around to face him. The hard bulge between his legs shows me just how well I can satisfy him and I can’t resist the temptation to run the palm of my hand over it applying the right amount of pressure. Nick releases a pleasurable groan and lays his head back against the wall.

“You sound like you’re hungry for something, my love,” I whisper through a quaky breath. I can feel those pangs of excitement inside my walls again that are craving Nicholas and everything he can offer me. From the sweet and fun sex, down to the rough and dirty, he knew my body like he knew the chords to his music and he knew what to do and how to work it to his benefit.

“I’m starving for you to slip me inside you. He is hungry, baby.” he admits, rubbing his crotch, trying to find some release from the friction. The desperation in his tone doesn’t go unnoticed and I suddenly want to give him everything he wants. Brushing the hair out of his eye, I look into his soft eyes and straddle him and start to rub my aching sex against his cock. His hands find my hips, pushing me further into him.

“God bless woman, if this is what reading a little bit of Poe does to you, then I wanna read his complete works and fuck you until you’re screaming my name.” Nicholas grips my bottom and pushes me harder against him until I can feel the discomfort penetrating the tender flesh of my clit and making me whimper some more. “It wouldn’t take long, that’s for sure,” I admit, wrapping my arms around his neck. I raise myself up, shoving my breasts closer to his face, and he nuzzles in between them with his nose. Without a word he lifts my shirt and pulls the cup of my bra down, releasing my nipple to the coolness surrounding us. His teeth quickly latch on, nipping and sucking it, making it harder than before, and eventually takes the whole breast in his mouth. I moan and grind on him, praying he doesn’t stop anytime soon. “Fuck me, right now, Y/N,” the tone in his voice filled with desperate urgency. Nick doesn’t have to repeat himself. I climb off him and undo his pants and help him slide them off and in one quick tug he has mine off. “Wait,” he says before I climb back on top of him. I look down to see a sly look covering his face. “Hand’s on the wall,” he orders, taking my legs and pulling me closer to his face. I grin, licking my lips and closing my eyes as I do as I’m told. I know what I’m about to feel is going to take me over the edge and I hope I can remain quiet.

“Your pussy is a work of art, Y/N,” Nicholas praises, sliding a finger through my wetness. I suck in a huge breath and bite my lip to stay quiet. “Look how wet you are for me baby. So needy, ready for my cock to disappear into your body and stretch you, ripping you apart until you’re shaking and spilling your juices all over my dick. Fuck, love.” Nick’s words have my legs trembling and it takes all my effort to keep myself up. I quietly moan, throwing my hand over my mouth and biting the inside of my finger to keep from crying out in desperate need for him. “Nick,” I moan against my hand. He slips a finger in me, prodding me, then slides his tongue over my lips, licking up and moistening my pussy with his spit. “Nick, fucking dammit, I can’t,” “Fuck me, Y/N,” he demands, knocking my legs until I collapse in his arms. I grip his cock and bring it to my entrance, sinking down on it until it completely disappears inside me. The pressure fills me, and the fullness of him claiming me is making me desperate to feel more. “Oh my god,” Nick cries into my neck, grabbing my hips to push and pull me against him. “You like claiming what’s yours, baby,” I ask, pulling up off him until just the tip of his cock is touching my walls. I circle it for a moment before sinking back down on him, watching his expression fade into pure erotic ecstasy. “You know I do,” he answers, breathlessly. Nicholas groans deep in his throat, tightening his grip on my hips until I’m sure he’s leaving bruises. My hands grab his neck as I begin to grind and rock against him, slowly and sweetly at first, but picking up the pace as the climax in both of us continues to grow. “Oh god baby, that’s it. Ride me Y/N. Grind on me until we find that spot that’s going to make you cum for me.” The warmth that’s created by the two of us starts to make us sweat and I cling to Nick as if my life depends on it. I’m in love with him, intoxicated by everything about him.

“You're so beautiful, love,” Nick gushes. I smile and lower my lips to his, hiding a thousand words of love for him, hoping he’ll taste them one by one. “If the universe took you from me I wouldn’t rest until I found you again,” Nicholas whispers in my ear as his teeth graze the outer lobe. I pick up the pace of riding him gently while his lips find the soft flesh of my breasts. He wraps his tongue around them and takes the nipples between his teeth, nipping them gently enough to get the rise out of me he’s looking for. I seethe, bringing my hands to the back of his head to keep him there as I push my overstimulated, soaking wet pussy further onto his throbbing cock; the deep ridges and crevices massage my inner walls as I continuously move back and forth at a faster pace.

“I think the angels aren’t happy when they look at us,” Nick says, gripping my hair and tugging it back just so he can kiss my neck the way he wants to. He lingers on one spot a little too long, leaving behind his mark of ownership that leaves me beaming with pride.

I'm too overwhelmed with what's happening between my legs to think about anything else except how good Nick is making me feel and how it's getting harder to suppress the cries dying to escape. I bite my bottom lip and fall into his shoulder. “They don’t get to feel you cum like I do.” He pushes in harder, pushes deeper, hitting that spot that he knows is his alone. “Nick, you’re ma…” I can't finish my thought as a deep cry fills the back of my throat. My body is on fire. The familiar heat is pooling in my lower abdomen and I can feel my climax coming quickly. “I’m what baby,” he purrs, reaching his hand down and using his thumb to apply the right amount of pressure on my clit as he circles it. I moan a little too loudly, earning Nick’s hand over my mouth. “You want to cum for me?” he growls, clenching his jaw and tightening his grip on my waist. I nod quickly as a single tear slips down my cheek. Nick removes his hand from my mouth and replaces it with his mouth, his tongue slipping inside mine and claiming every part of it his. “Then cum for me, Y/N. Tell me I’m the only one who has your soul. Not the angels, not the demons; only me.” And I did. I cum so hard on Nicholas leaving ungodly marks on his shoulders that I’m left in tears. Nick kisses the side of my head as I relax into him, breathing heavily as he rests his hands on my back and drags his fingers up and down my skin.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------

I wiped the tears that had unknowingly fallen. Those memories of Nicholas were so beautiful to me, yet were the death of me each time I brought them out of their box. I missed him; my soul was slowly dying for him.

The windows of the old bookstore were boarded up but not the front door. The bell that rang out each time someone walked in or out was still on the front, rusted and out of use. Inside was dark and I could vaguely see dust covering bookshelves that had been left behind just like the memories of Nick. I looked down at my arm, running a finger over the words that were slowly starting to dull, and smiled at the thoughts. Wiping my face, I continued my walk home, pulling my phone out the moment it vibrated. I stopped, frozen in time. There was a text message… from Noah. My hands started shaking and my heart started racing. At first I thought about just deleting it without reading it, but then I realized that wouldn’t be fair to Noah. He didn’t do anything. So I opened the message, never prepared for what I was about to read.

“Hey, Y/N, it’s Noah. I know it’s been like forever since we’ve talked, but I came across your number, at least I hope it's still your number, and thought I would reach out to you and see how things have been. We're planning a trip home to visit some friends and family and it made me think of you. (Yes, some of us still consider you family). Did you ever move back once your dad got better or are you still living at the new place? I hope he’s better too by the way. You’ve been on my mind so much lately. I don’t know why. Maybe it's because Nicholas brought you up for the first time in so long when he played some chords to a Cure song. He seemed to have gone somewhere else while playing it. I think he might’ve been thinking about you. He smiled when he was done, and I swear I saw tears, but then got up and left the room before any of us could ask if he was okay. Anyway, I really hope this is still your number, but if not, well at least I tried. If it is, I hope you'll text me back soon, please 🙏.

-Noah

“This is a horrible stupid idea,” I sighed, mentally screaming at myself for choosing to do this. After hours of debating and overthinking I replied to Noah's text. He kept his word and texted me a week later when they arrived, giving me the address to the air bnb they were staying.

So here I was slowly driving down a street I didn’t know, searching for a house that was bigger and prettier than anything I’ve ever been in, and praying I didn’t throw up.

“Holy shit,” I cried, stopping in front of a white three story country style house surrounded by some large oak trees and a massive porch that wrapped around most of the house. It was beautiful.

There were other vehicles in the driveway so parking there was out of the question. I took it as a sign I should turn around and leave and was about to when my phone vibrated.

“Park anywhere”

-Noah

“Shit,” I huffed. Wait. Was Noah spying on me? I narrowed my eyes and stared out my windshield, looking for any sign of him and stopping when they rested on his tall lean figure waving at me from a window on the top floor of the house.

“What the fuck, Sebastian, seriously,” grumbling as I parked the car by the curb. I sat with the engine still running, rubbing my temples in hopes to levitate the pounding headache I had due to stress and my tightly clenched jaw since leaving my house. Coming here was a really bad mistake and I was about to throw the car into drive and leave when a knock on my window startled me, causing me to jump. I looked up and saw Noah, smiling down at me with that same beautiful smile of his. It was contagious. I smiled back and took a deep breath as Noah opened the car door for me. I stood before him, taking in how much he’s changed in four years. “Your hair,” I breathed, surprised at how good short hair really did look good on him. “Yeah, look!” He lowered his head and rubbed the back of his neck. “I have a neck; who knew!” Noah’s eyes widened and he chuckled at his own joke, making me huff a small laugh, grinning.

“Holy shit, I can’t believe you really came. Come here, give me a hug,” he sang, holding his long arms out to me. I willingly fell into him and wrapped my arms around his waist, taking a deep breath once I laid my head on his chest. “I’ve fucking miss you, Y/N,” he confessed, resting his chin on the top of my head. “Life’s been crazy and so many things have changed, but you’ve never left my heart. I’m so sorry I never stayed in touch like I should have.” “No, don’t do that, Noah. It’s not your fault; it never was. It was never anyone's. Only mine. I made the choice to leave.” Noah pulled me back and looked at me, confused. “What do you mean it was your choice? Nick said he was the one who ended things.” I didn’t have time to respond when a familiar voice from the past came ringing out behind us, swallowing me up in a clenching grip.

My spine tingled, hell my whole body tingled as my heart began to race. My once calm nerves were now making my hands shake and the tears I promised myself I wouldn’t show started to seep from my eyes as I clenched my teeth, trying to muffle my cry. “Noah, what are you doing? Who are you talking to?” Nicholas’s voice was like rain in a dry desert; the desert being my heart. It quenched every part, bringing every buried memory and feeling back to life again. “You didn’t tell him I was coming?” asking Noah softly. He looked from Nick to me, shaking his head. “Shit,” Noah cursed. “What?” I looked up and turned around, running straight into Nicholas’s chest. “Y/N?” He took my arms, holding me away from him. I couldn’t bring myself to look up at him, afraid that if I did I would shatter into a million pieces. “What the hell, Noah, why is Y/N here?” The tone in Nick’s voice made me think he was upset that I had shown up. I cursed myself for coming, for believing that enough time had passed between us. My breathing became erratic and I felt like I might pass out. “Y/N, hey are you good? You okay?” Slowly I shook my head. And then I broke. Like a dam backed up for centuries, the tears and all the pain I’d held in for years came rushing out, causing my knees to grow weak and making them buckle. Nick caught me just in time, slipping his arms underneath mine and pulling me into his chest. He smelled just as good as I remembered, but with more cologne and whatever it was drove my senses wild. I continued to cry and Nick continued to hold me, one arm tightly closed around me and the other caressing the back of my head.

“Shhhh, love it’s alright. It’s okay.” Hearing my pet name fall from his lips and the sound of his voice as soothing as before brought to me peace. “Noah, do you want to explain this?” I felt the deep rumble of Nick’s voice against my cheek as it laid against his chest. “No, not really. I think I’m just gonna go back inside. Bring her in when she’s ready, okay. I’ll explain then.” Just like that I found myself alone with the ghost of my past, only it wasn’t really a ghost at all. This time it was the real thing.

“I don’t understand. What are you doing here, Y/N? How did you know we were here?” Nick didn’t let me go, but continued holding, making me feel the safest I’ve felt since the last time he held me. “I don’t either, Nick. I don’t know what I’m doing here.” I began to briefly explain everything that happened after Noah first reached out to me, never once looking at his face. If I did I would fall apart again.

“So you being here is all Noah's doing?” “Yeah, pretty much.” We were both silent as we stood there in the street holding each other. For a moment it felt like old times. “Hey.” Nick spoke softly, raising my head with a finger under my chin. I closed my eyes, refusing to look at him. “Do you hate me so much that you can’t even look at me?” “I don’t hate you Nick!” I shrieked, flinging my eyes open only to be met by his intensely heavy green orbs. “God, Nick,” I breathed, taking in his appearance, noticing all the little changes of maturity that graced his once younger face. “Four years looks incredible on you.” Nick’s eyes twinkled as they darted between mine. “I could say the same about you. You’re still just as beautiful as the last time I saw you.” His face instantly fell at the mention of that day. I quickly wiggled out of his grasp and took a step back, clearing my throat. Nick continued to gaze at me, but I could no longer keep eye contact. “I try not to think about that day,” I lied, crossing my arms. “Funny,” he said, coming closer to me. “That's all I can think about.” My eyes darted to his. “What?” “You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?” Nick scoffed. “I don’t care if you do or don’t. It doesn’t change that it’s the truth.”

My brows drew together, wondering how his confession could be true. “How come you didn’t stop me then? Why didn’t you come for me?” “Would it have changed your mind if I did?” He reached over and touched my face, dragging his calloused fingertips down my cheek. I briefly closed my eyes and took a deep breath, opening them as soon as I released it. “Y/N, your mind was made up; you made your choice and I wasn't it. What was I supposed to do?” Even then I could see how badly I’d hurt Nicholas. As soft and sweet as he was, he had somehow managed to harden himself to the cruelness of my choices. But that still didn’t change how the thought of him not fighting for me, for us, cut me like a thousand papercuts. “You could’ve at least tried Nick. My mind wasn’t in the best place then. I wasn’t capable of making the right choice, but I felt like I was forced to otherwise,”. I stopped, realizing Nick wasn’t following what I was trying to say. “Otherwise what?” “You know what, never mind. Just forget it.” I dropped my arms to my sides and walked to my car, about to open the driver's door. Nick’s large hand came down on the corner of the door, baring it from opening.

“I’ve never been very good at letting go, Y/N. I didn’t want to let you go. But the moment you came to me with that frightened, confused look in your eyes, I knew you were already gone. You’d already made your mind up about what was best for you and no matter what I said, it felt like you were looking for an excuse to leave. So, I let you.” Nick pressed his body against the back of mine, pinning me between him and the car. I wanted nothing more than to turn around, pull him into me, and kiss him like I was dying and he was the only thing keeping me alive. “I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it. You were my everything, Y/N; you promised to stay with me forever.” Tears were pouring down my cheeks and my shoulders shook as I wept. Nick laid his hands on them squeezing them slightly. “Everyday after you were in my head when you weren't supposed to be, haunting me, reminding me of everything I lost. And the worst part about all of it was I still loved you; I still fucking love you. I still fucking want you like nothing else and I hate myself for it. My life felt empty without you in it, but eventually I had to get used to it.”

I turned around, my lips almost meeting with Nick’s. I wanted him to kiss me in the worst way. I wanted him to grab me and ravage me like a starving animal. “I want to fucking kiss you so badly,” he confessed, as if reading my mind. He placed both hands on the car on either side of my head, leaning in until his lower body was pressed against me. There was no way out of this. I was cornered. “I wanna be inside you again, the only place where I felt love.” I groaned through tears and laid my head back against the car. Nicholas lowered his lips closer to my neck, running his nose along my skin. “I would’ve given anything to taste you again, Y/N, to feel your walls clench around my dick and the way your nails ran over my skin.” I could feel his hardness against my leg and I swallowed hard, trying to keep my composure. “But I couldn’t find you. You walked away and never looked back.” Nick backed up, tapping his fingers on the roof of the car. He stared at me. I saw all the different emotions running through him like the colors of the rainbow, confusing him in the worst way. “I’m so sorry Nick. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just trying to make it hurt less; for both of us.” “Yeah, well you did a pretty bang up job of it. You lied to me. It was so bad I began to wonder if you were lying to me all along since it was so easy for you to give up on us the way you did.”

His words stabbed me in the heart. “Look, I screwed up alright! I know I did.” I shoved Nick away, no longer able to deal with the hurt, the painful reminder of how I destroyed our love. “But I never once lied to you. I’ve done a lot of fucked up shit, Nick, but loving you was different. Loving you made me a better person. You made me a better person.” “Then why the fuck did you give up on us, Y/N! Why were you so quick to throw us away when the first storm hit?” “Because I was fucking scared, Nick! My dad was dying and my entire world was starting to fall apart. I thought that telling you we were over would’ve made walking away easier, but it didn’t. After I left I had hoped you would come for me, that you would fight for me and convince me that we were stronger than the storm, but you didn’t, Nick. You let me walk away and knowing that made me think you didn’t care as much as you said you did. So maybe you were the one lying.” Nick stood there wide-eyed and tense. He didn’t blink, allowing the tears to pool at the bottom of his eyes. “I had to finally come to accept the fact that you didn’t think we were worth fighting for which made these words hurt all the more,” raising my arm to show him the tattoo he marked me with all those years ago. Nick swallowed and finally blinked, letting the tears fall, but quickly brushed them away. He reached out and took my arm, running his thumb over the words.

“However far away, I will always love you, however long I stay, I will always love you, Whatever words I say, I will always love you,” he read softly. “Yeah,” he hummed. “I guess we both lied then.” The ice in his tone was enough for me to know the truth. Our love was completely dead. Without looking at me again, Nick turned around and walked back towards the house. I could only stand there in shock, wondering what to do next. It was like I couldn’t breathe, the air around me suddenly too heavy for my lungs. “I didn’t mean to ruin your life Nick. I know I made a mistake and I own up to it, but so did you. You fucked it all up just as much as I did. When are you going to accept your part in letting us die? When are you going to admit you were wrong and take some of the blame off my shoulders?” Nick stopped and listened to what I was saying, but then as he continued walking towards the house my heart fell to the bottom of my stomach. I got in my car and left, stopping at the liquor store and buying the biggest bottle of rum they had.

“Whatever words I say, I will always love. I will always love you.”

The next few days were hard. Feeling like I’d been injected with Novocain, a numbing feeling followed me everywhere I went and I felt comatose, never wanting to wake up and face reality again. The butterflies that had once fluttered and made me feel so in love had died, making the shattering of my heart breaking the loudest quiet ever.

I took a few days off from work, stayed home and did my best to get life together, but it didn’t go over so well at first. But after three straight days of screaming and crying, waking up still drunk, and passing out over the toilet, I managed to wake up sober, take a shower, and clean my apartment. I was on the road to recovery.

I taped over the words on my arm, hiding the constant reminder of pain I no longer wanted to deal with. Instead of trying to face it anymore, I ran from it, burying it so deeply down inside me and forcing myself to feel indifferent about it. But those words were the last and only thing I had left of Nicholas and no matter how badly they hurt, they needed to stay. I deserved the punishment.

Five days after my encounter with Nick, I sat down in my living room with my Chinese takeout and a handful of things to watch on Netflix. I chose quickly and snuggled into my blanket with great anticipation over the first bite of food. But before I could take that bite, the buzzer for the outside intercom rang, informing me that someone was looking for me.

“Who the heck can that be,” mumbling to myself as I got up off the couch, adjusting my sleepy shorts as I made my way over to the intercom. Completely irritated, I pressed the button. “Hello, can I help you?”... … … … “Hello?”.... … … … “Okay, look, if this is a joke,” “Y/N?” I gasped, throwing my hand over my mouth. “Nick?”.... I did my best to mask the surprised cry in my voice before pressing the button. “Nick, are you still there?”.... …. “Yeah,” he answered, his voice cracking. “Y/N, can I come up?” “Yeah, Yes! Absolutely, I’ll buzz you in.” I hit the button instantly, jumping over to the closest mirror to check my appearance. I looked fucking horrible, but I didn’t have any time to fix my face before there was a soft knock on the apartment door. I wasn’t prepared for this. I wasn’t ready to face Nick again. But I didn’t have a choice. Nervously, I undid the locked bolt and opened the door, but when my eyes fell upon Nicholas, all of that nervousness faded.

“Holy shit you look beautiful,” Nick exclaimed, a different tone than days before. The expression on his face was sincere, making my heart flutter, but I’d never felt more uncomfortable as I did standing there in my sleepy shorts, and a rough looking complexion. “You’re crazy,” admonishing him while resting my cheek on the side of the door. “Can I come in?” His green eyes twinkled at me “Gosh, yeah, sorry,” I apologized, backing up to let him in. I caught the scent of his cologne as he walked by, and it hit my senses like a brick, making my heart beat even faster. “This is a really nice apartment. How long have you been here?” I closed the door, locking it behind me. “Um, about seven months, I think. I moved back about a year after my dad passed.” I crossed my arms over my chest, lowering my eyes away from Nick’s. “Fuck, Y/N, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know,” Nick admitted, sympathetically. “Don’t be,” I assured him, shaking my head a little. “How could you?” “I don’t know,” he shrugged, giving me a lopsided grin. “It’s fine Nick, really. He went peacefully. That’s all that matters.” “Still, I should’ve been there.” There was deep regret in his voice. “How did you find out where I live?” I asked, drawing my brows together, narrowing my eyes. “Oh, Noah said you told him. ”Did I? If I did I didn’t remember. Nick looked around the apartment, eyes wandering over everything, but quickly stopped on something familiar on the wall nearest my bedroom.

Carefully making his way over, he stood before some pictures, eyes fixed on the images before him. His mouth twitched and he gave a half-smile. “There are so many,” his voice quivered, showing off just how nervous he really was. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets with his arms locked tight against his sides. “Where did you find them all?” I stood beside him, staring at the wall of my “Annabelle Lee” picture collection. “Some I printed and made myself, others I found online,” answering him sweety. I bit my lip, too apprehensive to tell him about my favorite two. “Y/N, this is awesome. It reminds me of that night in,” turning his head to face me only to find me already staring at him. We were transfixed instantly, staring at each other with the same longing and hunger as that day in the bookstore. He moved a little closer to me, dragging his tongue over his bottom lip before taking it between his teeth.

I clenched my jaw, trying to suppress the sexual tension that was quickly rising inside me. My body knew exactly how to respond to what my eyes were seeing Nick do, as that all too familiar arousal flooded my core and sent all the tingles to my toes. I crinkle my nose, earning a dark chuckle from Nick. I knew then that he knew exactly what he was doing. “Those are my favorite,” I blurted out, trying to distract him from the tension building between us. His eyes quickly shifted elsewhere as he turned to look at where I was pointing, narrowing his eyes to get a better look. “Are those,” he asked, suddenly roused for a different reason, pointing to the frames. I nodded, breathing nervously. “I bought the book before I left. I thought that maybe if I I had it, it would feel like I had some of you with me, and I wanted as much of that feeling as I could get. I still want that feeling.” The last part came out mumbled, and I hoped Nick didn’t hear it as I played nervously with my fingers, too scared to look up at him. After a long silence, Nick cleared his throat. “I know you hated me, Y/N, and I don’t blame you. I had to keep leaving when you needed me to be there to support you, love you through all that was happening with your dad. But it was all out of my hands. I was being pulled in two different directions, and I didn’t know what to do or how to handle it, so I did the best thing I knew how to do; close up and shut down. It wasn’t right; I know that. It wasn’t fair to you.”

I started to cry, feeling dreadfully guilty, and dropped my head in my hands and quietly sobbed until my hands were completely wet. “I didn’t hate you, Nick. I don’t hate you. I love you so freaking much. But loving you was slowly killing me. I did what I had to do to survive and that was to say goodbye even though I didn’t want to,” my voice faded as I finally looked at him. His expression was grave, the past eating away at his mind no doubt. “I never wanted to walk away from you Nick. I never wanted to give us up. Every night and day I was forced to fight my battles without you, pretending I was strong when I was really falling apart. Trying to explain to you what was happening became difficult because what I was going through couldn’t be seen, only felt. All I wanted was your arms. All I wanted was to see you to know that everything was going to be okay. But I couldn’t have that. And then the fucking pandemic hit and, well.” I took a breath, in hopes to calm myself. It felt so good to get it all off my chest, but at the same time I knew I was hurting Nicholas by throwing too much at him. It was evident on his face.

I took a risk and reached out for his hand, sighing with relief when he took it and entangled his fingers with mine. “I took the easy way out, Nick, I know that. We could have saved us if only I had fought harder. But you want to know the worst part about it all?” Our eyes locked together. Nick clenched down hard, trying his best to keep his emotions closed, but I could see it in his eyes that he was starting to break. “You never came after me, Nick. You never tried to stop me, to convince me I was making the wrong choice. And because you didn’t it was enough to convince me that I wasn’t worth fighting for. That’s what broke me.”

Nick squeezed his eyes closed, bringing his fingers up to dry them, while still clenching the other ones around mine. It was a death grip that I was so grateful for.

Nick kept my eyes as he moved in closer until he couldn't resist the madness building up around us anymore. He looked down at me, muttering “fuck it” under his breath while his eyes were are on my lips. He moved so quickly I couldn’t keep track of his actions as his hands closed around my waist, pulling me into him. The feeling of his thick hardness hot against my aching sex had me screaming inside for him to have his way with me, to do to me whatever he wanted as long as he knew I wanted him forever. And then he kissed me and it was the best kiss ever in my whole life. The way he pressed his hand to my shoulder blade to arch me into him, the way it started slowly, just his mouth on mine and his tongue begging for entrance. We stayed that way for a long time until I looped my arms around his neck. He shifted and shoved me up against the wall, leaning into me and pushing my thighs open to make space for himself until we were flush against each other. Soft whimpers fell from my lips as I absorbed Nicholas like a sponge, wanting absolutely ever part of him. His hard grunts and deep growls of satisfaction over the attention he was receiving was empowering and told me he wanted what was happening just as much as I did.

My heart was beating like a drum against his chest at the feeling of his hand trailing up the skin of my thigh and under the cotton of my sleepy shorts. They gave him the perfect advantage to claim what had been waiting for him the past few years. I moaned, grabbing his wrist before he went all the way. “What?” he asked breathlessly, eyes full of lust. I blinked a few times, making sure this was real, and relaxed the grip on his wrist. “I want what’s mine,” he demanded, voice deep and raspy. He kissed me again, slipping his hand behind my neck and pulling me in to get deeper. Arching my back, I thrusted my sex into the bulge between his legs, feeling the cold wetness of my juices soaking my panties. “I want to feel my fingers between your lips before I sink them so deep into your perfect little cunt that has always belonged to me and hear the way you sigh and let my name spill from your mouth.” Nick’s fingers skimmed my pussy, causing me to gasp and grab the front of his shirt between my clenched fists. His soft perfectly “v” shaped lips trailed up and down my neck as his tattooed touch between my folds made my knees weak and almost give out. “Oh, Nick, please,” I whined, pushing in on his shoulders. He pulled back, his eyes blazed with a fierce hunger. “Please what, Y/N? What do you want, love?”

Placing my hand over his, the one nearest my opening, I kept perfect eye contact with him as I guided his hand to where I desperately needed it to be. “This,” he affirmed, slipping two fingers at a time inside me. I sucked in a deep breath at the feeling, brazenly grinding down on him. “Fuck, Nick!” I cried out as he slowly pushed and pulled in and out of me. “That’s it baby girl, grind on my fingers. I can feel you, uh fuck yeah,” Nick encouraged me, burying his face in my neck. Picking up the pace, he held me tightly up against the wall, breaking apart every barrier I’d put up since the day I said good-bye to him. “Like that? Is that it? Is that the spot, love,” Nick urgently asked the louder I moaned the closer he got to my g-spot. I quickly nodded, furrowing my brows and bit my bottom lip, clasping my hand over his to feel the way he was fucking me with his fingers. “I’m addicted to the way you’ve always gotten wet for me, baby girl, the way I fill you and make you cum for me.” he praised me, pushing in harder and making me moan again. “Fucking hell, Nick,” I cried throwing my head back against the wall. “I want your cum on my fingers, love. I want it to drip down my hand.”

My cries grew louder the closer Nick brought me to my climax. I was a weakened mess for him. “Nick,” “Yeah, baby?” “I’m sorry I walked away. I’m sorry I said goodbye.” Tears seeped from my eyes. Nick slowed his pace inside me to wipe them away. “However far away, I will always love you, however long I stay, I will always love you, whatever words I say, I will always love you,” “I will always love you,” I echoed. He caressed my face and kissed me. “Nick, I need you inside me,” I whispered in his ear, feeling the deep rumble of his approval against my chest. Before I realized it, Nick had me in his arms, carrying me into my room and laying me on the bed. He undid the button on his jeans and unzipped, yanking them off and revealing his hardened cock, dripping with the silkiness of his pre-cum. I groaned in want as he slipped my shorts and panties off. Without a word, Nick spread my legs and positioned himself overtop me, and lined himself with my entrance. He rubbed his tip through the wetness of my folds, and slipped inside me, spreading me open for him. Pushing in and out sweetly but with the kind of aggression that always made me cry his name, I dug my nails into his tanned flesh, gripping his shoulders, holding him close. “Oh god, fucking, Y/N,” Nick groaned, instantly pounding into me at a brutal pace. “You’re still so fucking tight, love.” “There’s been nobody since you.”

He pushed himself up off my chest, looking down into my eyes for clarity. “What? Are you being serious?” I nodded slowly. “I didn’t want to forget your touch, the color in the feeling you always gave me. I wanted to hold on to it forever.” Nick groaned, lowering his forehead to mine. “And it’s okay if you didn’t do the same. I understand,” clarifying that I wasn’t angry. He began to move unhurried, taking his time to stretch open my inner walls and make as much room for him inside as he could. I sighed, moaning loudly at the feeling of having him inside me again. “I don’t fucking deserve you, Y/N,” Nick confessed, thrusting hard into me and grunting loudly. “Yes you do. We deserve each other. You’re the Poe to my Annebelle.” He gave me a wide smile before grabbing my leg and holding it against him, fucking into me in a new position that hit the very spot I’d been craving him to hit. “Right there Nick! Fuck! Don’t stop, baby!” “That’s it, right there? You’re gonna make me fucking cum if you keep screaming like that.” I made no attempt to mask my cries that quickly turned into slight shrills. “Fuck, love, keep crying for me baby girl, I’m almost there.” “Nick, I’m cum….,” I cried as my orgasim hit me like a tidal wave, exploding inside me and making me see stars. Nick shoved my shirt up to my throat before pulling out of me and spilling his seed all over my belly and between my breasts.

“Oh, holy shit,” Nick growled, milking himself until he knew he was empty, before rolling over onto his back. Finding my hand with his and entangling our fingers like he used to do, we laid there for a while, enjoying the comfortable silence. Eventually, Nick cleaned me up, wiping off his mess before scooping me up and tucking me in under the blankets. “You’re staying aren’t you,” I asked sleepily, eyes already closed. I felt the bed dip and Nick's warm body slid into mine. “I’m already here,” he whispered, taking me into his arms. “And I promise I won’t leave. Ever,” kissing my hair. “Me too, Nick. I will always love you.”

#nicholas ruffilo #nick ruffilo x reader #nick ruffilo fanfiction #nicholas ruffilo fic #bad omens cult #bad omens

20 notes · View notes

ashascoven · 2 days

Text

☽ ✯ venture x witch! reader pt. 1! ✯ ☾

✯ welcome to my first venture fanfic ever!! ╰(*´︶`*)╯

✯ my venture fixation and endless fanfic reading of them has led me here, hours deep into writing my own...

✯ now that im typing this at 4 am on a school night.. i might have to post this in multiple parts..... 23 pages of fanfic that's still a wip uh oh!!

✯ ahem, i hope theres some fellow venture lovers out there who'll enjoy this! happy reading! :D

☆ FANFIC DEETS! venturexreader ☆

reader is a female who practices witchcraft! i wrote her that way because i also am a witch irl! :,)

VERY lengthy build-up fanfic (LOTS of reading.. i type a lot i think?)

venture is referred to as sloan <3

lifeweaver is besties with the reader, referred to as niran!

everything related to witchcraft here may be exaggerated / inaccurate for fanfic purposes.. but i tried writing it all into an experience > just reading!!

eventual ritual smut....

feel free to hmu, hope u enjoy :D

For every night that the full moon showed her face, the couple would be outside to accompany her. •°. *࿐

They'd bask in her glow to the grounds below, cherishing the energy of grace that she brings with her starry companions and practicing gratitude with her.

Both of them would dance around in the grass with bare feet, laughing away at each other's joys until they're so dizzy that they land into the planet’s arms, hand in hand, heart to heart. 𓆩♡𓆪

Gazing at the shapes of the misty clouds above their heads, they'd point out whichever ones reminded them of each other with giddy smiles on their faces.

Sloan would roll over with that sweet, chipped grin of theirs, facing you and holding your face gently.

Their thumb would run along the corner of your lips, eyes sparkling at how much they could just take you under the skies right now.

“ah, mi cariño, you're so.. beautiful. no crystal in the world could ever compare to your beauty.”

You'd turn to face them, putting your hand above theirs with a blush on your face.

“oh, sloan! you're too kind, my charming agate..”

“anything for the gem that makes my heart race.”

The two lovers would giggle at their silly rock jokes, holding each other close under the night’s gentle breeze.

Never wanting their time together to end, they'd lean into one another, eyes fluttering shut as their lips meet once again.

The natural softness of your lips pressed against theirs sent shockwaves through their body, none that their drill could ever replicate on a battlefield.

You made them feel so warm and loved inside, especially with the way your hands made it to their hair every time you two kissed.

It felt like the world had stopped, and all they could process was how needingly their hands moved all over your body in response, taking their time with each mark, crease, and even speckle of hair.

They loved everything about you after all.. each “flaw” of yours was just another spot that they had the honor of touching and kissing. <3

They'd pull back for a breath, but really it was just to take you in once more.

“you’re so special to me, mi vida, you know that?”

The moon was going to show herself at her fullest tomorrow, but curses, you were dreading her appearance..

“something's brewing.. tomorrow won't be a good day, i can feel it.” You mumbled to yourself, glaring down at the black candle you held with its own silver plate.

The flame that once stood still flickered at your words in response, emitting up to you in what felt like commiseration.

“mm, something's gonna happen, right? go on, you can tell me~..”

You poked your index finger at its flame in a petting motion, watching as the flickering intensified. The shape of the fire leaned away from your touch in shame.

“don't be sorry, it's not your fault.. shh..”

You tilted your head at it and cooed with a comforting tone, holding the candle closer.

The flickering stopped and the size of the once spirited flame dimmed down into a ball of burning light.

Moving your gaze back to the rain outside of the window you stood in front of, you sighed.

“just, please protect them for me, okay? i know you can do it, take this and keep them safe..”

You held the candle steadily in front of your face, careful not to drop it with one hand.

The other hand reached down into the drawer of your altar’s nightstand, pulling out an old, used incense stick.

With the edge of it, you used the dripping wax to draw out a sigil onto the body of the candle, whispering an affirmation in hopes that it reaches the universe in time.

Then, you placed the candle down, thanking it for letting you borrow its energy.

You looked back at your sleeping lover, resting peacefully in the bed you two shared.

They hugged a pillow that you had nudged in place of where you were laying, already drooling all over it. Their hair was a mess and their body already took over most of the bed.

Yeah, they were just in a grey T-shirt and purple boxers with lightning bolts patterned onto them, but god, they were such a sight to take in.

You smiled, before looking back at the window and its altar, your heart feeling a little lighter for the night.

“yeahh.. they'll be alright.”

“moorningg sunshiinee~! (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ )”

“mmhh.. whehh..”

“i mean, it IS raining.. but i made you sunny eggs anyway!”

“actually, i dunno if they're.. exactly.. sunny? they're all nice and poached up for you though! (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ”

You felt a plate nudge at your side, earning a groan out of you.

“c’mon mi corazon! you gotta eat something!!”

“por favoorr!!! pleaasee wake up, i wanna hug you before i go! (っ´ω`)っ”

“whuh- huh??”

You finally budged at the gloved hands that were lightly shaking at your shoulders, pushing them away.

Squinting at their blurry face, you rubbed your eyes to get a better view of the person in front of you.

“before you.. go? you don't normally leave this early, sloannnn..” You yawned, looking up and down at their work clothes in confusion.

They had a different color jacket on today, but your tired mind didn't think to question it, figuring it was because of their job.

“yeahh I knooww my love, but there's some.. new ruins that my buddies found at work..! r-really important duty calls, and history awaits!”

“here, eat this for me! please?” They grinned, holding the plate in front of you as you sat up.

“mmh, promise me you'll stay safe baby.” You shoved a piece of burnt toast in your mouth without really looking at it.

“of couurrssee, y/n! don't you worry your little pretty head about me, i'll be fiiinee~ (つω`｡)” They sat the plate down next to you, wrapping their arms around you and snuggling their cheek on top of your head.

“mmhmmm, you better be, or i’ll keep every mirror and glass in this house covered when you're dead!” You reached up, playfully smacking the top of their head.

“nooo!! :( how am i gonna talk to you when i’m a cool mummified spirit thennn?ヾ( ￣O￣)ツ"

“no matter how much your ghost bangs on my crystal ball, screaming ‘y/nnn!! mi amooorr.. my priiinceeessss!!! myy woorlldd!!’.. you'll be talking to yourself.”

“baby nooooo :((, pleeaaase don't abandon me like thaatt, really! don't worry about me, i’ll bring back goodies for you n’ everything! (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ” They pecked your lips, holding your face with the cutest puppy eyes ever.

“awwe, fiinnee. i believe in you, sloan.. i won't curse you with being a lonely spirit.. yet. (´-.-`)” You joked, your hands making it on top of theirs.

They rolled their eyes, continuing to make a mess of your face with their honey-coconut chapstick.

You happily absorbed all of their pouty kisses like a crystal soaking up a person’s energy.

You could've sat there and let them kiss you awake forever..

..but unfortunately, the excavator had a job to do.

With one last kiss on your lips, they hurried over to the bedroom’s closet, snatching up a backpack and their signature drill from it, and they waved their way out of the door.

“alright baby, i gotta go now! i love you, i miss you already! (´ ε ` )”

“oh-! i love you more! thanks for the food! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡” You blew them a kiss.

“nonono, thank YOU for leaving those drinks by the window for me! :D” They peeped their head out of the doorway one last time before rushing through the house.

“don't forget to tell the bugs goodby- WHAT.”

“LOVE YOU MOST!! (o^ ^o)ﾉ”

“SLOAN!!????”

“IMSTEPPINGOUTTHEDOORNOW,BYEBABYCAKES!MUAHMUA-”

You watched them scurry down the road from the window, familiar looking jars clutched in their arms with a grin on their face..

They just took your jars of moon water to work.

You've been carefully curing those jars with salt under the moon light for literal years.

What the fuck.

With your palm now on your face, you sighed.

“there's no way they just- okay.”

You pressed your hands together and closed your eyes.

“i won't sacrifice them to the gods in their sleep tonight i won't sacrifice them to the gods in their sleep tonight i won-”

The smell of egg and toast hit your nose, making you look down at your side.

The plate of breakfast was still sitting there.

“oh, hm.” You picked up the fork and sliced an egg open with it, watching how the yolk oozed out slowly, inviting you to enjoy it.

‘chef sloan, huh?’ You raised a brow, bringing a piece of it to your mouth.

‘did they.. try poaching eggs this time? weird, i thought they were in a hurry.. it’s cooked wel-’

You immediately stopped chewing, the slight taste of metallic water failing to compliment the wetness of the actual egg.

You felt your right eye twitch, hoping that the egg wasn't boiled with what you thought it was.

It was then that the adventurous Sloan Cameron was destined to die by the hands of their own lover.

They jogged through the rain in a hurry, abruptly halting at the bus stop they almost just ran past.

They knew you would've gotten onto them for not taking an umbrella, even more for snatching up their water jugs, but they figured they'll make up for it by kissing you all over later.

With their bags strapped on, drill in their hands, and their girlfriend’s jars now burrowed in their pockets, they were amped for their own little mission awaiting them at a site reserved for the Wayfinder society.

See, they weren't actually called for any “important duties” at work, nor were any new ruins discovered.

Rather, they had their own plans for today's solo expedition, and that included secretly taking a trip down an untouched mine.

It was near one of the less active dig sites at their main workplace, hidden under old, giant tires that probably haven't been moved for years.

How did they find it? More like, how didn't they?

Their bus arrived, and they climbed on, paying for themselves and the one other person behind them with a ‘oh, don’t sweat it!’

They casually sat down towards the front of the bus, careful not to bang their filled pockets against anything, and sighed in relief. ( ´ ▽ ` )

Them and their drill both took up four seats, all dripping wet from the rain outside.

Some people gave them looks, but they were oblivious to it, one hand patting their drill while the other held the edge of their seat.

They looked to the front window of the bus with a smile, bopping their head side to side while thinking of you. (b ᵔ▽ᵔ)b

Any worries about being found or getting in trouble for working on a site alone was out of the window; today was a paid day off for workers in the society.

But Sloan? Oh, Sloan Cameron was the most committed and daring worker that the Wayfinders had.

If they weren't invited to anything for the holidays, they'd gladly spend their days putting in more time at work, not caring whether it was even meant to be a work day or not.

If they felt like digging, they could dig that!!!!

No one else at work ever minded anyway, their proven ability to work efficiently and optimistically is what earned their reputation of being reliable enough to be left alone.

Uncovering stories of the past cost them nothing more than physically getting active until they felt like bugging their girlfriend to cuddle them to bed.

..Sloan only ever really took their days off if it meant staying home with their beloved now.

Otherwise? They essentially were paid really well just to do what they love; collecting pretty rocks and bones for their lover, going on fun expeditions for their love of archaeology, and building big muscles in the process.

It was a triple-win in their eyes, they wouldn't have life any other way. No bad day or sudden curse could ever change that..

(TELL ME THEY WOULDN'T CALL IT A TRIPLE WHAMMY!!!!!!)

Oh, how they felt themselves warm up at the thought of their goddess at home, but quickly shook their head, reminding themselves why they were here at this specific site.

To think that such a cave with so many marvelous finds was right under everyone's noses was bizarre to them.

Sloan was so happy that they were the only one to know about it, gushing to themselves about all the crystals they'll bring home for their witchy wife to work with.

They let their mind wander again, imagining the smile you usually have on your face from their grand returns home.

Σ>―(〃°ω°〃)♡→ Σ>―(〃°ω°〃)♡→

You'd rush out of your little sanctuary shack that was on the side of the house to the sound of the doorbell, nearly breaking through the wall to wrap yourselves around them, kissing their dirt-covered face without a care in the world.

‘welcome homee babyy, i’ve missed you soo much, muah muah!! how was work? anyone i need to curse today? are you hungry?? thirsty?’

They chuckled to themselves at the thought of your voice, unconsciously rubbing a hand on the side of their face with a ‘shucks.. (ง ื▿ ื)ว..’

They thought about how you'd take quick notice of the extra bag they've come back with, panicking and offering to help them carry their things inside.

Then, they'd shush you, shuffling over to the living room mat to empty said mystery bag, revealing an endless galore of a crystal witch’s dream.

From that point on, you'd probably tackle them down and they'd laugh, laying there to suffer the wrath of your kisses with no complaints.

Their imagination strayed towards admiring you.. how kissable your neck always is, how holdable your waist was… how much they wanted to take in the view of you on top of them and absolutely devour-

Nonono, they had a mission right now, and that was to acquire stones for their magical wife!!! ⸜(*ˊᗜˋ*)⸝

Sloan eagerly lowered themselves down into the tunnel of the cave, rope in one hand and flashlight in the other.

Their mining goggles were on, their backpack was on their back, and their jackets were off, leaving them in a white tank top. The jars they stole borrowed from you were now in the pockets of their pants.

Water and sweat dripped all over their arms and neck from how humid it was, but they were too excited to care.

They quickly scouted the place out like a sailor, the grin on their face growing at the sight of all of the crystals already visible to the surface.

It was like this mine was carved out for them, each colorful gem crying out ‘take me home to your lover!!! (」°ロ°)」 take me home to her!!! (」°ロ°)」’

Oh, did Sloan listen to their pleas alright, setting their bag and jars down near the entrance, instantly getting to work with their handy pickaxe.

They would've used their drill, but they stuck to pickaxes for these types of missions, wanting to bring home actual clusters of gemstones for you and not.. pellets.

Besides, whole rocks would be easier to preserve in water than crumbs, right?

Everytime they brought their pick down to the deposits of stones, the grin on their face widened in joy.. It was probably bright enough to start emitting light in the darkness of the mine.

The sound of the axe hitting the ores was music to their ears, so they kept swinging and chucking each one of your gifts into their bag, not a single worry in the world to bother them.

“ooohh, myy y/nnn! i can't waaiitt to bringg these homee to youuu~!!◝(⁰▿⁰)"

“i can't wait until they get home so i can kick their ass.”

You crossed your arms with a huff, staring in disbelief at the jars of moon water that were, in fact, missing.

Only one jar remained, and it was in the sink, empty.

Your eyes made way to the pan left on the stove, some pieces of egg still floating in the foggy water.

Your right one was probably still twitching, but you were just too distraught to notice.

“is this what i was having those feelings about?”

You clenched your fist, bringing it down to the counter.

“today was feeling off because my own partner decided to.. snatch ALL of my jars on the way to work.. as if that's something they normally do!?”

You looked at your flytrap plant pet that sat nearby, shrugging in a ‘wtf’ kind of way.

One of the plant’s traps closed themselves in response, slightly seeping downwards.

“ugh, i know, right?! it beats me why they'd just.. DO that, ya know?”

Another trap closed themselves, joining the first one in silently chiming in and sagging down.

“see, i really want to trust in sloan, i love them with my entire life! anndd afterlife! but.. also, who the fuck just steals a witch’s water?! not even a burglar would do that!”

“like, i was curing those for years, man! if sloan lets sunlight touch any one of those jars, i'll curse them for eterni-”

Both of the closed traps opened quickly in unison.

“..you're saying i.. shouldn't? curse them?” You raised a brow, a hand now on your hip.

The plant pods closed themselves back, not dipping their heads downwards this time.

“hm. i guuueeess that's true.. i was considering the voodoo doll approach to really teach em’ a lesson but.. you're right.“

“i can just sacrifice them another day.. today can be ass-kicking, tomorrow will be their downfall.”

You finished with a grin, starting to put some plates away as the flytraps reopened their mouths, sitting as if nothing had changed.

After a couple minutes of washing and drying used dishes from the night before, you felt something soft rub against your leg.

“wha- oh my gosh!! hii squuiishhyy!!” You squealed, lifting up the fat, fluffy creature that nudged its head on the back of your calves.

It wasn't exactly a cat.. or a dog..

Actually, it was a raccoon, a big albino one, and he was here to distract you from the bones you had to pick with your partner.

“myyy fluuffyy companionn, how aare youu?? :D”

You snuggled him, rubbing his face against yours.

He kind of just.. didn't react, cutely letting you hold him with a neutral •ᴥ• on his face.

Then, another soft creature rubbed against your ankles.

“aahh, spaaarkkyy!! my other fluffy companion!! what about you? how aree youu doingg todaay?? >:0”

You smiled, lifting it up to rub the other side of your face.

It wasn't a raccoon this time, but a black possum, and he had a white patch of fur in the shape of a star on his back!

He curled himself into your grasp with what seemed like his own little smile :0)

Both of the pets were adopted and well taken care of by you and Sloan.

Your partner found the possum on the way to work one day, insisting they kept him and named him Sparky because of the way his pointy teeth sparkled.

They couldn't stop running their fingers along his teeth for weeks, having to be dragged away by you for the possum to find some peace.

‘look at how razor sharp they are!! do you think his teeth could bite my fingers off?! id pay him with food, then i could get cool omnic prosthetics-’

‘sloan! that'd be-! ..messy actually, if you're gonna get blood everywhere, at least let me hire a vampire first.’

‘mi amor.. :( vampires only really existed centuries ago! how would you even find one for me right now? are you gonna make one of those cool pacts or something??’

‘id sacrifice you to one from the pas- nevermind, ‘cause you'd probaablyy want that, so i’ll just.. pretend to sacrifice you and not actually do it. (っ˘ω˘ς )’

‘nooOOO!!!! >:((((‘

As for the raccoon, you had found him while having a cleansing session in the woods, luring him with fruits and veggies that you had originally brought along for any wandering fae.

(You also made sure to come back later that day with more goodies as an apology to said spirits, leaving them with fruits, nuts, and honey.)

When you brought him home, you named him squishy, simply because he was fat and.. well.. squishy.

Sloan tried to play with his teeth, followed with their failed attempt at getting the two new pets to play a game..

‘y/n, look! they both have the cuuteestt baby hands!! that gives me an idea..’

‘you hold sparky like that ʕ •̀ o •́ ʔ, i’ll hold squishy like.. this! ʕ •̀ ω •́ ʔ we can play rock-paper-scissors! here, this'll be rock..’

And with that, you two now lived with Squishy and Sparky (and other pets being your plants & their bugs too).

A doorbell going off ended up interrupting your moment with your companions, earning a startled jolt from you.

‘oh? who could that- oh my stars-!’

“i forgot niran was coming over! Σ(O_O)”

✯ if you've made it this far, thank you for reading! <33

✯ here is the link to part 2!!, also on my profile.. here are the borders used!

✯ enjoy your day/night, stay hydrated, and keep loving venture <3

#sloan cameron #venture ow2 #venture overwatch #venture x reader #overwatch x reader #overwatch #ow2 #fanfic #fanfiction #save me sloan cameron

23 notes · View notes

bullet-prooflove · 3 days

Note

send me a made-up fic title and i'll tell you what i would write to go with it...

"Seasons Change"

Maybe about Lassiter? (because I love how you write him). 🥺🤍

Tagging: @elefrog25-blog @ineedbrainbleach @secretsquirrelinc @kmc1989

It’s spring and you’ve been Carlton’s partner for almost six months by now. The two of you have fallen into an easy rhythm, you work well together but it bothers him a little that he barely knows a damn thing about you.

“You are far too closed off.” He tells you in the midst of a stake out. “We’ve been partners for months and I don’t even know your first name. I’ve had to resort to calling you Bunny.”

“You’re one to talk.” You retort as you take a sip from your coffee cup. “Everything I know about you is surface level.”

He pauses then because he thinks that can’t be right but then he thinks back through all of his own liaisons since the separation, how he avoids the personal questions, immerses himself in his work. It’s the only thing he allows himself to talk about because anything else leaves him feeling too vulnerable, too raw. He’s never thought of himself as warm and cuddly but it isn’t until now that he realises he comes off as cold.

“Not cold.” You correct him with the shrug of your shoulders. “Just not forthcoming.”

“I can be forthcoming.” He snaps back at you because honesty he’s feeling a little wounded. He had no idea until this very moment how much he’d shut down, his defensive he’s become. “It’s you who has the problem.”

“OK then let’s play a game.” You say, setting your reuseable coffee cup down on the dashboard before turning your entire attention towards him. His breath catches in his throat because those eyes, they get him everytime. “You get real with me and I’ll get real with you.”

He loosens his tie then because it’s about to get all real up in here. He peppers you with questions and you volley them back like a tennis player in a semifinals match.

He discovers you like watching the sunset on the beach after a tough case because it reminds you that there’s beauty in the world. You left LA because your ex husband told you he didn’t love you anymore. You had just stepped out of the shower, you didn’t even have a towel wrapped around you when he told you that he was leaving you. You have an odd fascination with lighthouses, you don’t know why but you’ve always liked them, it’s one of the reasons you moved to Santa Barbara.

“You moved here because of a lighthouse?” He questions you, because if that isn’t the most impulsive thing he’s ever heard, he doesn’t know what is.

“The day after it happened, I just got in my car and decided to take a drive. There was too much stuff going on and I needed to think. I ended up here, parked outside the lighthouse and in that moment I just knew it was going to be ok.” You tell him, the edges of your mouth tipping up into a small smile. “My life was falling apart and I don’t know, just being there, it gave me a sense of peace amongst all the chaos.”

“I could have done with somewhere like that.” He says, shaking his head as he leans back into his seat. “Those first few months of the separation were rough, I didn’t think I’d make it…”

The words slip out before he means them to and he realises the enormously of what he’s just revealed. He never thought of himself as suicidal, not really but there were nights when he sat in that crappy apartment cleaning his gun wondering what it would feel like to pull the trigger, if it would drown out all the anguish he felt, the noise in his head.

Your hand comes to rest on his and he stares down at it surprised.

“There were times back in LA, that I thought about just walking into the sea. I would imagine the water coming up to my hips, my chest, my neck, the current just taking me…”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” He says quietly, his fingers entwining with yours. “Seasons change, the winter doesn’t feel so bad once the spring sets in.”

If that isn’t a summary of the past six months of your life that you don’t know what is.

“Yea.” You say softly as your gaze meets his. “I can’t imagine what the summer will bring.”

Love Carlton? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

#carlton lassiter #carlton lassiter x reader #lassiter #lassiter x reader #lassie #lassie x reader #psych

19 notes · View notes

dootznbootz · 3 months

Text

Odypen definitely and equivalently adore each other BUT I weirdly can't see them as the type to actually say "I Love you".

They still definitely vocalize their love for each other but it's more so in "My Joy", and "Extraordinary Woman", "Strange Woman/Man", etc. And very cheesy lines (both say some cheesy shit in the Odyssey, and he definitely does in the Iliad as well. "Joy like a drowning sailor seeing land" bit???)

I could see "I adore you" but even then, that's probably during very specific moments but the actual "I love you"??? I just typed it just now for fic shit and... It weirdly just didn't feel right and I don't know why. 😅

Idk maybe it's kind of because I see them as over the top in ways, they love wordplay and riddles and I think they'd almost think "...That's not good enough >:( " about it??? I don't know???😂

#I wrote this last night. I'll do the asks I got later. don't worry! :D #I am the cheese god remember?😅#I think these two would try to “out-cheese” each other and whoever is left speechless first loses #“I would forget my own name before I would ever forget you” bullshit. CHEESY #And yes. “I sleep in our nest with you or outside on the dirt” stupidity >:D #I plan for Odysseus as a beggar to ask why she waits so long. As he's been gone a longer amount of time than the time they had together #(Simply asking as reassurance. He knows his answer. Calypso asked him. but what about Penelope?) but she gets mad at the #“Beggar” and pities him as he must be telling the truth about having a miserable life if he never got the chance to know such devotion #How what they have could never be sullied by #something as trivial as distance and years. How the years with him were the best in her life. Only made better by their son.#'My dear Joy made songs and poems about love a reality as that was simply the life we shared. Even separated our 'song' will always echo #no matter how long it's been. I'LL make sure it always does. And I know he's doing the same... That strange man used to say that #even if he died his corpse would drag itself back to us before he'd ever give up.'#...I'm not one for 'odyssey zombie au' but when I first heard it yeah. :'D Came up with this back then #“His eyes as hard as flint or horn-” Bullshit! The sad lil fuck is hiding sobs with coughs and telling her to keep away for fear of her #catching whatever “illness” he has. The nice thing about being disguised as old means sickly old man works.#...#I'm noticing that Odysseus has a lot of silly oneliners while I write Penelope with a shit ton of set up :'D #They are so silly and I love them so much #...I wrote a lot :'D #Mad rambles #shot by odysseus #my headcanons #odypen #yahoo!!!#sometimes I wonder if I should tag this with more things but I don't want to taint the regular tags with my bullshit :'D I KNOW I'm insane

45 notes · View notes

coffeeandcalligraphy · 1 year

Text

HA I'm 100% not making this camp nanowrimo goal

#I have written: 800 words so far wITH THE GOAL TO WRITE 10K?? HAHHAA #what's funny is I wrote 10k in February #about 20k in Jan #couple thousand in Dec #50k in nov #SO TELL ME WHY I'M DISAPPOINTED BY THE IDEA OF NOT HITTING THIS GOAL #listen... not making the goal doesn't make me feel sad because I'm not making the goal #makes me feel sad because idk! I love writing! I want to do that! I love living IN it #and for me living in it is soooo in the drafting process #and I feel like I've done a really... wonderful job at prioritizing writing & now I'm realizing I need to be #gentle with myself LOL #I'm moving this month after thinking I'd be moving in june #OBVIOUSLY I just finished my degree #I'll be moving into my own room (FIRST TIME EVER!! HAVING MY OWN ROOM!! A CONCEPT!!) when I get back home #lots of change haha #I think the mental strain of all of that has just made me tired #but it's not like I don't want to write ! I do! but I'm tired and that's what makes me sad #not being able to do the thing because I'm tired!#anyway I don't usually care this much about progress but I guess #since nano it's been nice to see the “progress” not because it's progress but because #to me it shows that I'm doing this thing I love very much #anyway proud of me for all I do!#I actually think this is why write every day works better for me than word count goals #(THE HORRORS THAT I ACTUALLY FOLLOW THIS ADVICE NOW HAHAHA)#but I liked that better cuz it was like... oh if I literally write ONE word I hit that goal LMAO #think I'll pivot my goal to that and whatever I write I write!#also writing frequently is kind of a must for me considering my short term memory is just awful #I find I get confused and flustered and overwhelmed when I don't write for a couple days #but yeah one word a day??? i can do that!

22 notes · View notes

running-in-the-dark · 2 months

Text

the thing is. I've said many times that it'd probably be better if I didn't post on here so much, especially when I'm not doing so great. it does not feel good. but. when I don't, it just all stays inside my head and it feels so much worse for far longer, so I really just don't know how I would cope without this.

#I mean I used to write in my diary instead. but it's not the same. it's like talking to myself which is like thinking which is the whole #damn problem in the first place #I can't bother my friends every time I feel like shit because it happens so much #and they don't get it #except my best friend but I already message them too much and they have their own shit going on #it's either this or lie in bed imagining [current blorbo] and talking it all out with them and basically just. daydreaming therapy.#but that tends to not be great because then I get stuck and don't want to do anything else because I'd rather be there forever.#which. idk but it doesn't feel that healthy to me.#I juuust want to be normal it's all I want it's all I've ever wanted #and then people say being weird is good and they love me for who I am and it's so so sweet and lovely but. I don't mean that. I mean I feel #like I'm insane and there's something wrong with my brain and it's not the fun quirky bits that people love about me. it's the never ending #constant relentless bad thoughts that I can't make go away OR even the good ones really. like I'm. so fucking obsessed right now and all I #want is to think about Dan and Jenkins but if I'm not careful it takes over everything and I. can not stop.#so. yeah I'm. not gonna leave because I can't and I don't really want to and I'm sorry because that means I'll have to keep posting #dumb shit like this every time my brain gets stupid #😭

5 notes · View notes

wikiangela · 9 months

Text

when I started writing the possessive fic, I said it definitely won't be as long as the 6x17 smut (which turned out to be 12k lol)

as of now, I'm at 9.3k and there's still more to come, so who knows how long it's gonna end up being lol (we're slowly getting to the end tho!)

wtf usually my oneshots are like 2-4k 😂

also, I feel like this one is more explicit? idk, the 6x17 smut had like 3k of build up, this one has little to none, aside from a 2k fluffy break in the middle haha

#just a lil update ig #possessive buddie fic #it's coming!#and I'm so excited!#I think this is the first time ever I love my own writing so much - like I love everything about it and i'm so happy with it haha #thank y'all for encouraging all the snippets bc it def helped with that haha

5 notes · View notes

oldestking · 1 year

Text

/ A.lhaitham has been t.hreatening me since he appeared-

#;ooc #ooc #IM NOT GONNA LIE I MADE A K.AVEH BLOG THO #part of me bc omg hes an architect and the other bc i don't think fandom takes him seriously at all #like hes starting to get the c.hilde treatment where he only ever exist bc of a.lhaitham and not bc he is his own character #but a.lhaitham was the first one ive looked at after dropping my g.enshin blogs-#i would prob not write in the g.enshin rp f.andom bc im kind of very wary-#like i dunno;; it makes me feel a lil uncomfortable? i feel much more comfy in the f.ate fandom rn #or maybe i shoumd just say with my current mutuals #but the pain man- I CANT PICK- a.lhaitham or k.aveh #in one hand i feel like i have written charas like a.lhaitham for some time now #so maybe i could use trying to write someone diff #but then- :sobbing in hands:#i also miss my sword guys😭😭#f.ate still has me by the throat tho #i love my f.ate muses very much thabk u 😌#also shout-out to santa k.arna + k.arna and a.rju that are gonna come soon 😌😌😌#also to expand on the blog thingy; i made him but i have nothing there #so it could be a a.lhaitham blog- who knows (?)

10 notes · View notes

fortune-maiden · 2 years

Text

Thinking about Cold Steel and it’s many writing problems and one of the most baffling ones to me is how the ILF’s actions are just kinda swept aside after a certain point because their leader ‘is our classmate and we’re bringing him home’

The ILF literally tried to nuke Crossbell at one point.

They did a lot of other things, but I feel like that Class VII should find at least that one a little concerning

#don't mind me having a moment #maybe C wasn't personally involved in that one but pretty sure he still would have signed off on it #i can't remember all of his appearances but I think he was definitely aware of the plot (and possibly had a scene with G discussing it?)#actually no given who they were targetting he was definitely a-okay with it #i just can't remember if him faking an appearance was in that chapter or the next one ^^''#anyway there are a lot of things wrong with cold steel's writing but Crow's treatment in particular drives me a little nuts ^^''#his whole situation should have been complicated but it was really forgive and forget #or really just forget. forgive implies they were ever mad at him in the first place #one really interesting thing they could have done was make rean's obsession with crow purely his own thing #while the rest of class vii was a lot more divided about it #instead of just a hive mind #actually so much in general with the writing could be fixed if class vii stops being a hive mind #i feel bad about ranting about cold steel so much but honestly i invested so much time and love into this series #and every new installment just made me want to scream into a pillow more #just... 5 games of incredible buildup completely wasted on 4 (or i guess 5) painfully drawn out and dubious to terrible writing #i've heard kuro was better received but at this point i'm probably just going to stick to the sprite games and nayuta ^^''#unless i start hearing that kuro is on par with sky/crossbell or something #because nothing will ever take my love of sky away from me!#and i generally never hear anything bad about crossbell #or at least nothing that cold steel didn't do worse anyway #(relationship values cough)#i just need to get cold steel rage out of my system once in a while xD #one of these days maybe i'll turn it into something productive

6 notes · View notes

capfalcon · 2 years

Text

i feel like something that perfectly sums up my feelings on poetry and being called a poet is that i find poetry as a genre to be really pretentious and a lot of good poetry (supposedly) is utterly meaningless to me and a lot of bad poetry is just so cringe and im just here writing it trying to not be so judgmental

#i am a writer ilove literature i love metaphor i love meaning #but i think so much of poetry is obfuscation and i hate it #idk i think one thing to remember about my own poetry is that my first influence was rupi kaur who ik #a lot of people hate on but i wouldnt have ever written a poem without her #and my poems are very different than hers now anyway #idk i guess my point is just that #poetry is a really weird genre and even tho i write it and preform it #and love it sometimes #i also find it really cringey and pretentious other times #and also just like.#the only poems i ever liked in school was robert frost

6 notes · View notes

dragonfyre-creations · 16 days

Text

I don't think I've ever poured so many of my physical attributes and so much of my heart and soul into a character design before in such a personal way before so fuck it whenever I finish the final design for Faeng and whatever I come up with I'm making her into my sona (dragonsona? Persona? Idk how this works lmfao)

(long dump in the tags and under the cut)

The last time I was even remotely connected this much to a character was when I designed Jaxsu, but honestly never truly made her my sona/main character, she was just the one I used most often in art pieces. I never really actually liked her lore and backstory enough because she was what I wanted to be instead of what I am/was. Jax isnt perfect either, but her parents love her and otherwise has friends and is loved unconditionally. She has a healthy relationship with everyone and everything. This is where the disconnect happened and where I actually started to dislike her despite her being my otherwise favorite character for awhile. Both Faeng and Jaxsu have ADHD and Autism but Jaxsu was able to put that towards a job and becoming a ship captain and winning a colosseum tournament. She's done all of these great things so even if she didn't have a healthy relationship with her parents they'd still love her because she's done something impressive and useful.

Faeng on the other hand, has to fight for everything. Her parents are important and have important jobs, and place all of these unreachable and unrealistic expectations on her and expect her to reach them with minimal effort and be perfect, but she can't no matter how hard she tries. She needs someone to explain it and break it down for her in steps so she understands what do to and how to do it so she doesn't mess it up. She's both strong and smart but it's not in practical "normal" ways or subjects. It's convoluted, It's not in the ways everyone wants her to be, she has no teachers to help her understand how to channel that strength and intelligence into something "useful" so she puts it towards the things she likes and wants to do, and thus struggles in a world that would otherwise be easy to navigate and conquer if she were "normal". Those that do understand her and try to help her are alienated by other people in an attempt to either punish both of them or force her to adapt to be somewhat passing as normal, if not then at least listen to what she's told to do. She does eventually make acquaintances but find that her twisted speech and weird explanations aren't worth trying to decipher and understand so they leave, they don't put in the effort to meet her halfway even though she's struggling and doing her best to speak in a way they'll understand.

Her parents acknowledge her differences but in a way that frames it as flawed and wrong, something that needs to be corrected, and push her to figure out her problems by herself, tearing down any support network she tries to build. She tries her damned hardest but it's not enough, it never is and never will be for them because she's not the perfect child they wanted. She showed promise in her younger years being a "gifted child" so she knows what love and acceptance lies in wait and what could be if she could just be normal and perfect. Her achievements and promise come and show in waves. She burns and fizzles out in one of the most virulent, painful ways possible after getting hurt trying to prove her worth yet again. She holds nothing but criticism, vitriol and contempt for herself because she can't claw her way back to where she was before, this time something happened and something is terribly, horribly wrong this time but she doesn't know that it is and can't figure it out, nor will anyone tell her. Whatever it is, left a mental and several physical injuries and it does nothing but deepen her self hatred and her parent's waning belief in her. She listens to false promises and praise of other people who do nothing but wish to manipulate and harm her but she stays because any form of praise is deemed good, she hungers for more and does worsening things.

She ignores the people who tell her that what she's doing is dangerous and will only end in disaster, because she doesn't believe them. If the people who are saying they're her friends are telling her that the people she hurts deserve it and that what she's doing is good, then surely she needs to believe them over strangers, right? Everything comes to a breaking point and shatters around her leaving her with quite literally nothing but her own self hatred, newfound rage and overbearing mental issues she needs to navigate once again to find out what hell it is and what's wrong with her now. She's scared of everyone and everything with the added bonus of now being hyper-aware and perceptive of people's mannerisms and behaviors, especially those who want to manipulate or harm her again. She wraps every vulnerable part of herself in metaphorical thorns and teeth to bite and maim whoever pries and digs into what she truly is, even people who want to understand her. She suffers at more than her own hand, forcing herself to deal with everything alone, until she finally meets someone that could be considered a true friend. She slowly opens up and helps them as much as they help her before everything comes crashing back down once again upon the reveal that they've been lying to her the entire time about very serious issues, and she's been used as nothing more than an attack dog once again. She burns every bridge and everyone around her in one final breakdown of rage before shutting down completely. One of the groups of friends she's shoved stay comes back and asks if she's ok. She doesn't understand why they're being kind, why they're concerned it why they care and tries to shove them away again. Every single day they still ask, talking even if there's no response from her, until she finally relents and breaks.

She's finally loved and accepted despite every fault and every flaw she has, and every time she tries to pull away out of fear of being an inconvenience they pull back twice as hard and remind her that she's able to just exist, she doesn't need to constantly be useful and that they care. She finally, finally is comfortable enough to let herself be accepted and then becomes the most clingy little shit, just as they do with her. But yeah, my own life has been very much of the same, especially the last part. Every time I go on another self-hatred spiral and drop off the face of the earth my MonHun bros give me a metaphorical slap to the face and remind me that I don't need to constantly prove my worth to everyone and prove that I'm useful, and that existing every once in awhile is more than enough. If that doesn't work then it's "you need to get your ass back over here because we're failing the Safi siege without the absolutely ridiculous amount of DPS your build Switchaxe does". I was not intending for her to be so much like me but goddamnit she's wormed her way into being my favorite now and I guess Mirage is no longer my impromptu sona

#I've been working the last 3 hours on her design and like just noticed HOW MUCH of myself i put into her design #especially parts of myself im self conscious of and don't like/didn't like growing up. i usually zone out esp during a character design #but i stopped and i looked at it and my first thought was “that's me. that's me on that canvas.” and for some reason felt so happy with it #ik that's probably a selfish thought to have and im nowhere near done with her design but i looked at it and loved it so deeply.#she's imperfect and ugly and flawed but that's ok because she's still beautiful in her own weird way and her friends still love her #this is the weirdest shit I've ever experienced but i honestly feel like I'm finally accepting a part of myself I've hated and shoved down #for so long because of the absolute gnawing feeling of unacceptance I've always been subjected to as “not fitting in” and something she say #is “who gives a shit what other people think about me. i have friends who love and care about me just as much as i do for them.#you dont need to be liked by everyone to be worth something. sometimes just existing is enough for the people who do love you“#the parallels of both my life and her lore are so similar they hurt on a visceral level i cant describe and it was completely unintentional #we both trust too easily whether it's out of naivety or stupidity and not learning from past mistakes and have been hurt so deeply #so many times beyond our own comprehension by the betrayal of other people to the point of shutting down every attempt at friendship #despite knowing just how much being alone aches and burns and put both physical and mental health on the line to get the approval of others #but never letting anyone get close enough to be friends out of fear of being hurt again #and having every vulnerable part of ourselves wrapped in metaphorical knives and glass to hurt anyone attempting to get to know us #but simultaneously and unknowingly hurting ourselves too with that choice. we're both aware of what we're doing but also unable to stop it #out of fear and lack of people willing to understand our pain and frustration and anger over things and it's so so frustrating #we both lash out when angry or hurt and push people that we love and love us back away out of fear that if any “ugly” is exposed to them #they'll leave because we lose our one redeemable quality of “being convenient” in a group #but simultaneously don't them trust fully out of fear. we know we're loved and love back but never fully in case its all a lie.#we both want nothing more than someone to understand and listen to what happened to us and actually stay and be friends rather than leave #like truly actually want to be friends and not just stay out of pity or sorrow over what happened #i think this is just something that comes with the autism tbh #i am she and she is me #rambling #dragon character #character writing #character building #dragon oc

1 note · View note

javiscigarette · 4 months

Text

Teacher's Pet

Joel Miller x virgin f!reader

Summary: 25 years old, anxiety-ridden, and still a virgin, you ask your friend Joel for advice on your upcoming date. But you're more of a...hands-on learner. And he's more than happy to help.

Warnings: PWP, unbalanced power dynamics, virgin!reader, neighbor/bff/more experienced! Joel, age gap, first kiss, virginity loss, fingering, oral (f receiving), frequent check-ins, soo much banter and Joel is a menace also so soft and sweet :')....(ends on a cliffhanger but there will be a part two I swear).

w/c: 7.7k idk what happened

a/n: I am resurfacing for your monthly reminder that I do in fact still write!! Inspiration for this came out of literally nowhere but I took it and RAN with it and I think I like it?? As always, thank you to my baby love @undrthelights for helping me with this and always listening to my rambling and for being my biggest enabler Ilysm

Part Two

my masterlist

"Fine! What if, hypothetically speaking of course, you were to, hypothetically, give me a, um, hypothetical, lesson or whatever." Your heart is pounding so hard you can feel your pulse throb in your neck pound in your ears. You slowly drag your hands away from your face and look at him. He stares right back at you, brows furrowed. "A what?" "Forget it. forget I said anything,” you mutter, shaking your head. "No no wait, hang on, what do you mean? A lesson? Like a…a sex lesson?”

"Seriously, Joel. Fuck off" you snap but with no bite or heat behind it. You bring the sweating bottle of beer to your lips and finish the rest of the now lukewarm liquid off in one gulp.

"What? I just find it hard to believe that you've never even had a kiss. Didn't you go to high school? Didn't you ever get invited to a party? Didn't you go to college? College kids do the do like all the time”

"Clearly not all the time" you mutter, a tad bitterly.

Joel raises his hands defensively and takes a sip of his own beer. "Just seems crazy is all. There's gotta be some chick or dude out there willing to take pity on you and pop your cherry."

You audibly gag at his choice of words. "I don't need a pity fuck, thanks." You stand from the couch and head over to the fridge. The bottles of cold alcohol inside are calling your name and you want something that will help soothe your nerves. You're not a big drinker, but when Joel is prying into your love life like he is now, you wish you were.

"Okay,” he starts from the living room. “Maybe I worded that wrong. What I meant to say was, there's gotta be someone out there who would be more than willing to show you a good time."

You groan and let your forehead fall against the fridge door. "That's the whole point! I came here to get advice for my date, someone who might actually be interested in me, and all you've done is make fun of me for not having fucked anyone yet. So thanks, Joel. You're a real pal."

You push away from the fridge and slam the door shut, a second beer in hand.

"Alright, alright, calm down." He says, hands in the air as if you were holding him at gunpoint as you head back to the couch. "Look, if this guy really likes you then he's not gonna care. Probably won't even be able to tell if you are or aren't."

"You think so?" You ask hopefully.

"Well, I mean, unless you're like... super bad."

Your heart drops into your stomach and you glare at him, "Joel."

"Oh come on, I'm kidding. You're not gonna be bad, okay? Just, go into it with an open mind and just relax. If he tries something you're not comfortable with or makes you feel weird, tell him. And if he gets pissy, dump his ass."

"That simple, huh?" You scoff.

"Well, yeah. You're the one who made it complicated by thinking it was a big deal."

"It is a big deal, Joel! I know nothing!

"Nothing? You ain’t ever watched porn? Jesus, I had no idea you were such a prude."

You can't stop yourself from rolling your eyes and slapping the back of your hand against his arm. He yelps and laughs, rubbing his arm.

"I've watched porn before" you retort.

"What kind?" he asks with a wiggle of his brows.

"None of your fucking business" you respond, feeling your face heat up.

Joel's lips quirk into a shit-eating grin and you're quick to smack him again.

"Okay okay, sorry!" he says through his laughter. "So what exactly are you afraid of?"

You're not really sure how to answer. It's a combination of so many things, most of which are irrational fears and insecurities. Sure you've seen it all done before, but you're well aware that none of it is realistic. At least, not completely. And just the fact that you're freshly 25 years old without a single notch in your bedpost makes you dizzy with anxiety. It's not like you're saving yourself or anything, it's just that hook up culture has never agreed with you and there's never been an opportunity that made you feel like it was the right one. That is until now, with your cute coworker who you thought was miles out of your league asking you out on a third date. And now, the prospect of being in bed with him is looming over you like a dark cloud and the last thing you want to do is mess it up.

"I guess, I'm just afraid that he's gonna be disappointed, or I'm gonna weird him out, or I'm gonna do something wrong and embarrass myself.” Joel nods along and listens. "And if it is bad then we still have to work with each other and then what if it's awkward and everyone knows about it and then he hates me and--"

"Okay, whoa slow down there, buddy" Joel says, putting a hand on your shoulder. "One, you're overthinking this. You're literally thinking like, five steps ahead of what's actually going on. It's a date. And even if it does end up in the bedroom, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. No one's forcing you, okay? He can't. No one can."

"I know, but I want to," you reply quietly.

"Alright. Then do."

"I don't know howwww!! " you whine, flopping backwards into the couch.

Joel groans and sits up a little straighter, scrubbing a hand down his face.

"Well, there's no magic trick, I don't have a secret sex manual I'm holding out on ya."

You sigh, shoulders sagging as you look over at him. The idea comes out of nowhere, well, not exactly from nowhere, but it pops in your head so fast that you then have to bite your tongue before the words bubbling up from your throat come tumbling out.

It's not a bad idea, not necessarily.

You've been good friends with Joel ever since you moved in next door last year. An unlikely pairing, a 40 year old contractor and an almost 25 year old office worker. But after offering him a six pack as part of introducing yourself to the neighbors, you'd gotten along fabulously. He fixes things around your house and you send him home with hot dinners and warm, gooey cookies and you watch movies together almost every Friday night.

It's an easy friendship, open and honest and supportive, and Joel has never given you reason not to trust him. He's a good guy, if not a little brash, but you know deep down he means well. And it doesn't hurt that he's objectively attractive, with his tall and sturdy frame, strong, calloused hands, dark messy curls....It's not a bad idea.

It's an absolutely insane idea.

You continue to stare at him, clenching your teeth together to hold back the question sitting on the tip of your tongue.

"What?" he says, looking back at you.

"Nothing" you mutter, eyes flicking away.

"You've got that face you make when you're about to say something really stupid, so just get it out."

You glare at him again, not enjoying the way he can read you so well.

"I wasn't gonna say anything."

"Well now you're lying."

"I'm not."

"You're doing it again!"

"Doing what?!"

"That face!"

"I'm not making a face!"

"Yes you are! Just spit it out!"

You groan and hide your face in your hands. You blame it on the one beer even though you know you’re not anywhere close to being drunk because how else would you justify what you’re about to say? You wait a moment, thinking about the weight of it but your mouth opens before you can stop yourself.

"Fine! What if, hypothetically speaking of course, you were to, hypothetically, give me a, um, hypothetical, lesson or whatever."

Your heart is pounding so hard you can feel your pulse throb in your neck and hear it in your ears. You slowly drag your hands away from your face and look at him. He stares right back at you, brows furrowed.

"A what?"

"Forget it. forget I said anything,” you mutter, shaking your head.

"No no wait, hang on, what do you mean? A lesson? Like a…a sex lesson?”

His eyes are wide, and he looks incredulous. You can't blame him, because the more time that passes between your suggestion and now, the more ridiculous the idea seems.

"I’m sorry, that was…It was stupid. Pretend I didn't say anything. Let's just watch a movie." You move to grab the remote, but Joel's hand covers yours, stopping you.

"Is that what you want?"

You look at him, searching his expression for any sign of disgust or apprehension. But all you can see is the same Joel you've known for months, patient, warm, and understanding.

"I know. I know it's stupid. But I can't get this date out of my head, Joel. It's all I can think about and the more I do, the more worried I get and I just don't want to fuck it up. And I know we're friends and this is weird and gross, but I just thought that... maybe, I could have some practice, so to speak."

He doesn't say anything. Just keeps looking at you, the panic rising in your chest the longer the silence stretches. You start to fidget, wringing your hands together in your lap.

"I'm sorry, that was way out of line" you say, moving to stand up, your skin sweaty and hot with embarrassment and your feet ready to run out the door and never come back.

But Joel catches your wrist, gently pulling you back down to sit next to him.

"Joel" you whine, not wanting him to humiliate you any further.

"It's okay, come here."

His voice is softer than before, and his eyes are kind. You let him pull you closer, the two of you sitting knee to knee. You can't bring yourself to look him in the eyes, not with your cheeks and the tips of your ears burning like they are, but Joel doesn't push. He simply moves his hand from your wrist, sliding it into yours. His palms are rough and warm, and the simple touch alone is comforting.

"You really wanna do this?” he asks softly. You can feel his eyes boring into you. “I mean, I'm not exactly a prize winning catch. And it's not like there's a shortage of willing men out there."

You shrug and chew the inside of your lip.

"Yeah, but you're my friend and I...I trust you."

There's another pause, and you wish that you could just disappear into the couch and erase this moment from your memory.

"How drunk are you?" he asks, glancing at the beer bottle on the coffee table.

"You saw me finish one bottle. And half of another. I’m barely tipsy."

"Not drunk?”

"Nope."

"You're gonna remember this tomorrow."

"Uh huh."

"And you still want to?"

You groan for the millionth time and squeeze his hand.

"Yes I want to! Look, if you don't want to then that's fine. It was just a dumb suggestion and we can just forget this ever happened."

He hums, considering your words. His hand slips out of yours, and you think that's it, you've scared him off and washed the friendship down the drain. That you'll have to hide from him from now on, that you'll have to pack your things up and move because the mortification would be too much, and that he'll hate you, and—

His two fingers sliding under chin surprise you, and he tilts your head up. He's looking down at you with that same even expression, eyes big, soft, and warm as he slides his hand over to cup your jaw in his palm.

"If you want to stop at any point, just say so, okay? I won't be upset and we can go back to the way things were before. Got it?"

You nod, your throat suddenly too tight to speak. His thumb sweeps over your cheekbone, the tender touch is enough to make your heart skip a beat. There’s no way this is actually happening. That your first kiss is going to be with your 40 year old menace of a neighbor. That you’re going to, how did you put it, get a sex lesson from him. His gaze flicks down to your lips and back up to your eyes and you’re positive you’re no longer able to breathe.

"Can I kiss you?" he asks softly. You nod.

You're sure he can hear the thumping of your heart in his own ears as he leans down. His other hand comes to rest on your hip and when his lips touch yours, a soft, tentative pressure, you're not prepared for the electricity that shoots through you.

He's barely done anything and already you feel like you're floating. Your own hands reach out to clutch his shirt, keeping him close, afraid he'll pull away and leave you cold and wanting if you don't. But he stays put, pressing himself against you, his lips working gently against yours. You follow his lead, kissing him back while trying not to overthink it.

It's nothing like the kisses in the movies or the books, where fireworks explode behind your eyelids or where your foot pops up in the air. It's far more subdued, more quiet and subtle. But the warmth that pools low in your belly and the goosebumps that erupt on your skin when his tongue slides against the seam of your lips, light and quick, makes you absolutely melt.

He pulls back before you can really react, and you're left with a dizzying rush of both blistering desire and excruciating anxiety. You want to pull him back in and never let him go. But your heart is beating so fast you can hardly breathe, your nerves are buzzing, and the urge to run and hide is nearly paralyzing.

"Was it bad?" you ask tentatively, cheeks heated.

"No" he replies, giving your hip a squeeze as a smirk plays on his lips. "It was fucking awful. Worst kiss of my life"

"Shut up!" you hiss, pushing him away with a hand on his chest. He laughs, the sound easing some of the tension in your body.

"I'm just teasing" he says, voice dropping lower. "C'mere, we can work on it."

His lips find yours again, and you try not to smile into the kiss but it's hard when you can feel the way his lips are quirked up as well. It doesn’t take much else to get you to relax and let yourself fall into the moment, into the gentle press of his mouth and the warm hands on your hip and your cheek. He swipes his tongue against your lips again, his fingers pressing lightly into the hinge of your jaw to tilt your head back and coax your lips apart.

You let him, sighing as his tongue glides across yours, hot and smooth and sweet. Your hands slide up his chest, finding purchase around his shoulders, and when you move forward, pushing yourself against him, he grunts softly but lets you. He kisses you until the both of you are gasping for air, and when he pulls back, his lips are wet and red and you're certain yours must be as well.

"Better?" you ask, a bit breathless.

"Getting there" he answers with, his breath warm where it fans across your cheek.

"You're such a liar" you say with a goofy smile.

"Yeah, I know. Now try again, practice makes perfect.”

You roll your eyes but lean back in nonetheless. It's a bit more heated this time, the feeling of his teeth nibbling on your bottom lip making you squirm. His hand rounds over your hip, palm smoothing to the small of your back to pull you closer, the heat of his body radiating through your clothes and warming your skin. Your hands move on their own accord, no thought behind the action as they slide up to his shoulders and then his neck, your fingers finding home in the curls at the base of his skull. When you give them a slight tug, you're rewarded with a muffled grunt from Joel. Emboldened, you pull back, lips swollen and tingling.

"You’re a good kisser,” you pant. "Is that something people usually say?"

"When it’s true" he says, grinning at you. "And since I know you're gonna ask, I'd say that was a C+, maybe a B-."

You scoff but blush furiously at the smile he flashes, his eyes crinkling in the corners.

"Well then, tell me what to do next. What do I need to know?"

Joel hums as he thinks for a moment.

"What do you want to do?"

You stare at him for a second, blinking.

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you" you say, shaking your head a bit.

"Well, how far do you want to take this?"

You swallow hard, suddenly feeling very shy. You can’t deny that when the idea popped in your head it was accompanied by the mental image of you naked, spread out on his bed, but the actual act of asking him, or better yet, actually doing it is... intimidating to say the least. Are you really about to let him go all the way, to see you bare and vulnerable, let him pop your cherry as he would disgustingly put it? All just to “prepare” for a date with a guy who might not even like you that way?

Yeah, probably.

"All the way" you answer. “I want to go all the way”

He doesn’t pounce on you like you expected, doesn’t press his lips against yours in a frenzied kiss that you had half hoped for. Instead, he simply looks at you, his brown eyes boring into yours, searching.

"Are you sure? You can always say no and you're not gonna lose me as a friend if this isn’t what you actually want. I don’t want you thinking that."

You can't help the laugh that bubbles up and slips out, because of course Joel, your kind, thoughtful Joel, would say that. He's a good man. A great one, even.

"Yes, I'm sure. But if you don't want to, I get it, I can just leave and-"

Joel laughs, the sound traveling up from deep in his chest, the rumble vibrating against you.

"Sweetheart, I wouldn't be doin’ this if I didn't want to. Just makin’ sure this is what you really want."

"I want it.”

He squeezes your hip and swipes a thumb over your cheekbone once again.

“Alright then.” He nods, firm and resolute, and then looks around the room. “ We’re not doing it here, though. If you're getting the full Joel Miller experience, we're gonna do it right.”

Your eyes roll reflexively, but your heart picks up its pace regardless.

"I’m not gonna do anything if you call it that ever again."

"Fine, fine,” he relents. “Let me show you what a good, thorough fucking feels like. Better?"

Your jaw drops, and he's laughing at you, his body shaking with amusement.

"Fuck you" you grumble, shoving him away while trying to hide your coy smile.

"Yeah, that's what I'm hoping for," he says with a wide, self-assured grin.

"I'm leaving" you declare with a false sense of offense as you rise to your feet. Joel is quick to do the same and before you can take a single step away, he slips a finger through the belt loop of your jeans and tugs you back into him, wrapping an arm around your waist.

"I’ll stop, I’ll stop. I'm sorry" he says, not sounding it one bit.

You huff, but let him pull you closer until you’re pressed against his chest and you have to tilt your head back to look at him.

"I’ll be good. I promise."

"Liar"

"Well, yeah. But I can promise that I'll make you feel good."

You can't help the giggle that spills out and he kisses it away, his lips warm and plush and sweet against yours. The hand not resting on your lower back comes up, curling around the nape of your neck and keeping you close. You sink into him, and the fog creeps in again, dulling the rest of the world, making it seem fuzzy and distant, like the memory of a dream. All you can focus on is him, the warm solid weight of him against you, the strong arms holding you, the way his mouth moves against yours. And then he’s pulling back all too soon and you have to stifle a whine.

"Come on" he says, tugging at your hand.

His bedroom is dim, the little lamp on his nightstand and the faint glow of the moon through the curtains providing the only light. You swallow and take a deep breath as you step inside, your bare toes digging into the plush carpet, his hand warm and large where it grips yours.

He holds onto you as he sits on the edge of the bed. You step forward, letting him pull you between his knees. His hands settle on your hips, and you can feel their heat through the fabric of your shirt.

He doesn’t ask if you're sure again and you’re grateful because you’re not sure if you could form any kind of response right now. Instead, he slides his hands up and under your shirt, fingers dancing across your skin and leaving a trail of goosebumps. Your breath hitches as his hands smooth over your ribs and around to your back, the tips of his fingers mapping out the curve of your spine, skimming over each notch and bump. They climb higher, the fabric of your shirt bunching around his wrists.

“Can I take this off, baby?”

Your heart jumps to your throat but you nod anyway. He grabs the hem and tugs your shirt up and and you lift your arms so he can slip it off over your head. He tosses it aside, the fabric falling to the floor beside the bed. You’re left exposed, vulnerable and bare, save for the worn out bra you wear, a few too many washes and a few years past its prime.

Your hands itch where they hang by your side with the instinct to cover yourself, hide the imperfections that you know so well, the stretch marks, the softness of your stomach, the way the cups of your bra are just a bit too small and spill over the tops.

But then he’s pressing his lips to the space just above your navel, his scruff tickling your skin and making the muscles in your abdomen jump and twitch. His hands find your waist again, and when his lips continue their path upwards, his palms follow, skimming up your sides, thumbs tracing the outline of your ribs before stopping at the band of your bra.

"This too?" he asks, voice quiet and husky.

"Yeah" you answer with a squeak, and he grins like a kid in a candy store.

His fingers undo the clasp deftness that makes your knees go weak, the straps slipping from your shoulders and the whole thing sliding down your arms, landing somewhere near your shirt.

"God, baby, look at you" he murmurs, his hands cupping the underside of your breasts, his thumbs sweeping over the tops and then down the slope and around your nipple. Your breath hitches, the gentle touch sending a shiver up your spine. "You're fucking perfect."

The praise is unexpected and it sends a jolt of heat through your core. You whimper quietly and his hands are on you again, the calloused palms rough on the soft skin of your breasts. He kneads the flesh, squeezing gently before rolling your nipples between his fingers, pulling and pinching and teasing.

He pulls you closer and ducks his head, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. He looks up at you through his lashes, eyes dark and hooded, and his pupils blown wide with desire.

"Can I?" he asks.

"Please."

He leans in and wraps his lips around a peaked nipple, his tongue swirling around the sensitive nub, the gentle heat of his mouth on your skin making your knees weak.

His mouth works on one breast, tongue flicking and teasing while his free hand continues its work on the other. Pleasure builds and coils deep inside, the sensation unfamiliar but certainly not unwelcome. You whimper and he pulls away, releasing your nipple with a wet pop before giving it a sweet parting kiss.

He turns his attention to the other, his teeth grazing over the stiff peak and drawing a whine from your lips. He sighs when your fingers tighten in his hair, pulling at the strands until he groans softly against you. He sucks your other nipple into his mouth, the flat of his tongue pressing against it and dragging up and around, swirling and flicking. You’re already breathless, panting, a thin sheen of sweat glistening on your forehead.

"Feels good, Joel," you whisper shyly.

"I know, honey" he says, a soft smile pulling at his lips when he pulls away. "Feel good anywhere else?"

He doesn't wait for a response, simply slips a hand between your thighs, cupping you through the denim, the simple action making you squeak.

"Here, huh?" he says, the heel of his palm pressing against you.

You gasp softly and nod, biting your lip, too shy to say anything.

"Get on the bed, baby."

You comply, crawling onto the mattress and scooting backwards towards the pillows, sitting at the head of the bed as you watch him. His eyes never leave you as he pulls his shirt over his head, tossing it onto the floor. Your heart thumps as you stare at his bare chest, his tanned skin dotted with a light dusting of salt and pepper hair. He's broad, his shoulders thick and chest solid. Your fingers burn with the urge to reach out and touch him, so you do, extending a tentative, slightly shaky hand.

He watches you closely, eyes flitting down to the palm pressed against his chest before meeting yours again, his mouth curling into a smile.

"You can touch" he says, reaching down to curl a hand around your wrist and bringing it up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the center of your palm before guiding your hand back down to his chest. "I think most people would enjoy that."

"You're having entirely too much fun with this,” you mumble while your fingers spread out across his pec.

"It is fun" he counters, his own hand sliding up the inside of your thigh, thumb pressing against the seam of your jeans and rubbing up and down. "But it'll be more fun once these come off"

Your lips part, a puff of air rushing out.

"You gonna take them off?" you ask, the words slipping out, bold and unbidden.

He grins, his brow quirking up.

"Look at you, being all bossy"

"You like it" you say, finally feeling some of the anxiety slipping away, the familiar and comfortable banter between the two of you slipping into place in a new, unfamiliar situation.

His smile takes up nearly his whole face as moves closer.

“I sure do.”

He looms over you, bracing himself on an elbow next to your head before ducking down to kiss you, his tongue easily slipping into your mouth, warm and insistent. You sigh into it, your hands finding the warm, bare skin of his back, muscles gliding beneath your palms as you slide them up and around, fingertips digging into his shoulders. He's so warm and solid and you can't help the little noise that slips out, a soft, needy moan. You're about to break the kiss and beg him to touch you, give you something, anything, but he pulls back before you can.

"Impatient. I like that too" he says, voice barely above a whisper.

He kisses the corner of your mouth, then your cheek, then down your neck, his beard scraping against your skin. He continues his path, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses across your collarbones and down the valley between your breasts, his beard tickling your sternum.

His palm presses into the top of your thigh, and you instinctively open your legs for him, his hand immediately moving to cup you through the denim, thick fingers pressing against the seam and the bundle of nerves just below. Your hips rock up, seeking more pressure and he grins, entirely too pleased with himself right now.

You huff, and he laughs, the sound rumbling in his chest, but he relents, undoing the button and zipper of your jeans and tugging the fabric down, revealing the pair of pink panties underneath.

Joel sits up, pulling your jeans down your legs and letting them drop off the side of the bed, the sound of the denim hitting the floor indicating that you've officially crossed a line that neither of you can come back from. But if the hungry, desperate look on his face and the way you're practically vibrating underneath him are any indication, neither of you want to.

"I'll start with just my fingers, yeah?" he says, his hands running up the insides of your thighs, touch light and teasing, the tips of his fingers brushing the edge of your panties. You nod dumbly, at a complete loss for words right now.

He ducks his head, his lips landing on the smooth skin stretched over your hip bone. You squirm, ticklish, and he grins. His mouth is a great distraction from his hand, which has found its way back in between your legs, his fingers now pressing against damp fabric.

"Shit" he curses, his touch firm. "Fuckin' soaked already. Am I just that good?" he quips with a smirk.

"Jesus do you ever shut up" you gripe, but the effect is ruined by the whimper that escapes you when his thumb sweeps up, pressing hard against your clit.

"Oh, that's a pretty sound" he murmurs, repeating the motion to pull out another one, your hips bucking against his hand.

"Now," he starts, his tone shifting to the same one he uses when he's about to impart some life lesson. "This guy you're gonna see, or any man for that matter, should always take care of you before himself. That's just common fuckin' sense. And if he doesn't, you send him on his way" he continues. "Because a man that don't wanna see a woman get off is no fuckin' man at all"

You're about to interrupt, tell him he's an idiot and ask him to please, please, get on with it, but his fingers sliding under the elastic of your panties, swiftly pulling them down your legs steals the breath from your lungs. Your pulse sky rockets and you shift underneath him, crossing your thighs in instinctual effort to hide yourself from him.

"M'sorry I didn't shave or anything" you blurt out, your throat tight with anxiety and embarrassment once again

Joel just shakes his head as he pries your legs apart.

"Baby, I could not give less of a shit about that."

"But-"

"No" he says, the word firm, an edge of command to his tone. "You’re not apologizin’ for that. And if a man gives a shit, he's a fuckin' child who doesn't deserve the honor of bein' between these thighs" he says, pushing your knees further apart.

You nod and bite your lip, the words that are just so very Joel, settling in your chest and easing the tension in your body. You let out a long, slow breath and relax, trying to ease the nervousness.

"There ya go" he says, his fingers dancing along your slit, gathering the slick pooling there. You shudder at the gentle touch, your hips rolling up just a bit before you force them back down into the mattress, trying to keep yourself still.

"Nuh-uh. None of that" he says, immediately noticing the movement. He slides his free hand under you, his palm pushing into the small of your back and encouraging you to move again, to lean into your pleasure. "You take what you want, baby. Show me how good it feels. That's all I wanna see."

You squirm and whimper, the simple, almost lazy touch driving you insane. You've touched yourself before, brought yourself over the edge while imagining what it would be like to have the things you read about and watch in videos happen to you. But you've never managed to make yourself feel this good, never felt pleasure so intense, never felt a burning pressure in your abdomen so demanding that it radiates all the way to the tips of your fingers and toes.

And he's barely touched you.

"How's that feel?"

You can't even form the words, so you just nod and hum, the sound a mix of a whimper and a moan, your hips rolling up against his palm. He chuckles, and then the pressure increases, the friction building, his fingers slipping down, collecting more of your wetness to ease the drag against your skin.

He moves his fingers down, down, down, the tip of one circling your entrance, gathering the wetness pooling there. You whine loudly, any shame and modesty you once had replaced entirely with desperate need and pure desire.

"Please, Joel" you whisper, voice shaky.

"I gotcha" he says, dipping his fingertip in, just barely, and pulling a moan from deep in your chest. "Gonna give you what you need"

You groan, a long, low sound as he slowly sinks his finger into you. It's nothing like your own, so perfectly thick and long/ And you found the spot before, the spot that he curls his finger up into, but never at this angle, never with the perfect amount of pressure that he's applying right now.

"Mmm, look at that" he coos as you clench tightly around his finger.

"Joel, god, feels so good" you whimper pathetically.

"I know, honey, I know."

You clench again, the cockiness and self-assured attitude that usually gets under your skin now ignites your whole body in an entirely different way. He keeps his eyes on your face, watching as your eyes squeeze shut and your mouth drops open, your head tipping back as the pleasure builds.

"Another" you beg, the fullness not nearly enough.

"Greedy girl" he chides, but he pulls his finger out, and slides two back in. You swear that you could come from this alone, but he doesn't let you, the hand that was supporting your lower back disappearing, only to reappear between your thighs, his thumb circling your clit with firm, steady strokes.

White hot pleasure wraps around the base of your spine, the dual sensations of his fingers and his thumb sending you spiraling. The sounds falling from your lips are unrecognizable, high and desperate as your mind goes blissfully blank, your entire focus on the heat coiling in your abdomen. Your eyebrows pinch together and you bury your face in the pillow next to your head, trying to hide the ridiculous expression you're surely making, but you inhale the traces of his shampoo and cologne that cling to the fabric, the scent pushing you even closer to the edge.

You try to hold back. Surely you're not supposed to come this quickly, not just from two fingers and a thumb. Surely that's a sign that you're an easy lay, or too inexperienced, or-

"Just let it happen, baby. I can feel it, Just let go" Joel says, his voice cutting through the thoughts racing through your mind, his fingers crooking inside you and dragging across the spot that makes your hips stutter and a cry fall from your lips.

You can't hold back any longer, the pleasure cresting and crashing down around you. You squeeze his fingers, your back arching, the heels of your feet digging into the mattress as you roll your hips up into his touch, seeking more and more and more. And he gives and gives and gives, working you through it and drawing it out for as long as he can before you melt into the mattress, bones and muscles liquid and warm and satisfied.

He pulls his fingers out, and the sudden emptiness draws a disappointed whine from you, his answering chuckle making you smile.

"That was- fuck" you sigh, not quite capable of coherent thought.

"Absolutely mind-blowing? Yeah I know" he teases. You roll your eyes but don't say anything because it's true, and his cocky grin fades into a soft smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he watches you return to Earth.

"Can I- can I return the favor?" you ask, your gaze flicking down to the noticeable bulge in his jeans.

He grunts and shakes his head.

"Not yet. Got somethin' else in mind."

You frown and push yourself up onto your elbows, watching as he shifts from his position. You're about to ask what he's going to do until he's settling himself on his stomach between your thighs. You suck in a sharp breath as you realize exactly what he's got planned and your heart jumps, anxiety clouding your mind once again.

He rests his cheek on your thigh, his eyes meeting yours.

"Alright?"

You swallow and nod, licking your lips.

"Yeah. Just... no one's ever-"

"Yeah, I got that much, that's why we're here" he says, smiling smugly when you glare at him.

"But what if it's not good? Or I don't taste good? Or-"

"Stop" he says, the single word halting your runaway train of thought. "You need lessons in relaxing, not sex. You're so fucking tense all the time"

"Sorry" you say, immediately cringing.

He sighs, his breath ghosting over the skin of your inner thigh, making you shiver. "What did I say about apologizin'?" he says, his tone slightly sharp.

"I know. Sorry- shit, sorry! Fuck!"

He barks out a laugh and you huff, bringing up both hands to scrub over your face.

"See what I mean?"

"Yes, yes, you're very smart and know everything"

He hums and nips at your thigh.

"Damn right I do."

You want to snark back, but his mouth is moving, his lips trailing down the inside of your thigh and towards where you're aching for him, slick and wet and throbbing. He takes his time, laying kisses on your thighs, hips, and stomach, his scruff scraping the sensitive skin, huffing out a laugh when you start to squirm, your patience wearing thin.

His hands smooth over the soft flesh of your inner thighs, urging you to spread them wider before spreading you open with his thumbs, exposing you completely. You feel exposed, vulnerable, and the urge to close your legs and hide yourself from his gaze is overwhelming, the embarrassment making your skin burn. But before you can even think about closing them, his tongue is on you, sliding up the length of you and circling your clit. The moan that escapes you is embarrassingly loud and high pitched, but the mortification is easily swallowed up by the pleasure.

He hums against you, the sound and the feeling sending a shudder through your body. Your hands grip the pillow behind your head and you try not to buck up into his mouth, but your attempts are futile. He doesn't seem to mind though, in fact you think it spurs him on, his tongue flattening against you and lapping at you messily, the wetness he's coaxed from you smearing across his mouth and chin.

The sound is lewd and obscene, the sloppy, slick noises and the soft grunts and groans that rumble in his chest as he works you up. He pulls back, his breath coming out in pants, his chest heaving as he looks up at you, his eyes dark and hooded.

"Don't know what you were worried about" he says, his voice low and raspy. "You taste fuckin' divine"

His beard is shiny and damp, his lips glistening, hair messy from where your fingers were tangled in it. The sight of him looking so completely disheveled and filthy has you clenching around nothing, the ache almost too much to bear.

He doesn't say anything else, just ducks his head and gets back to work, his mouth moving with a renewed urgency, his hands gripping your thighs and pushing them further apart, allowing him better access.

Your eyes roll back and your mouth falls open, a constant stream of moans and whines and babbling pleas and praises falling from your lips, but you're not really sure what you're saying, not really sure of anything except the intoxicating pleasure coursing through your veins.

You hear him moan, can feel the vibration against your skin, and you glance down at him, and that's a mistake. The sight of him, his eyes closed and brows drawn together in concentration, his cheeks hollowed out as he sucks and nips and laps at you and– is he fucking grinding his hips into the mattress?

You're fucked.

A throaty moan tumbles past your lips as your hips start to rock, a rhythm forming as you chase your orgasm. His hands leave your thighs and he slides one arm up, the weight of it resting against your abdomen to keep you still while his other hand snakes down, fingers dipping inside again, finding the spot that makes you see stars.

"Fuck, Joel, please, oh my god, I'm so- please"

He groans in response, the hand on your stomach pressing down harder to meet the two fingers curling and stroking inside of you. You cry out at the increased pressure right as he wraps his lips around your clit, sucking and swirling his tongue around the bud, his fingers moving faster and faster. Flames lick up your spine and spread throughout your body, threatening to burn you alive.

Your orgasm hits you like a freight train, knocking the wind out of you and turning your limbs to jello. Wave after wave of blinding euphoria crashes over you and all you can do is cling to the pillow and arch your back, your toes curling as he continues to work his fingers and tongue, happily letting you ride his face and grind into his mouth.

He doesn't let up, not until you're a whimpering, trembling mess, physically pushing his head away when it becomes too much. He pulls back reluctantly, a wicked grin plastered to his face, his chin and mouth absolutely soaked. You're panting, struggling to catch your breath as the aftershocks make you shiver despite the content warmth spreading throughout your entire body.You feel sated and sleepy, a bone deep satisfaction making you feel boneless.

But as you come down from your high, rational thoughts start to filter in and you suddenly remember the reason this all started in the first place.

You're here to learn, he should be teaching you how to please a man.

How to please him.

You watch as he gets off the bed and wipes his chin with the back of his hand. Your eyes shamelessly rake over him, the dusty pink flush that decorates his neck and chest, the curve of his belly down to the impressive bulge in his jeans.

You push yourself up, ignoring the way your arms tremble with the effort. He looks at you, his eyes scanning your face no doubt looking for signs of distress.

"You ok?" he asks, eyebrows pinched together in his typical concerned Joel fashion.

"Yeah" you say, a little breathlessly. "But I still want to..."

Your voice trails off and you glance down at his crotch, hoping he gets the message.

"That's alright, baby. It's a lot, we don't-"

"No" you interrupt, a hint of desperation in your voice. "You said you would teach me. Please, Joel. I-I wanna learn" You hope it's a good enough cover to the fact that you really just want him, your original goal forgotten. "I just don't want to embarrass myself" you add, pouting slightly for good measure, praying to god that he can’t detect the underlying want for him and him only.

He watches you for a moment, seemingly contemplating his decision. And then his eyes narrow, because of course he knows. There's never been an instance where you succeeded in lying to this man. He always, always knows when something is off.

"Alright" he says, a slow smile spreading across his face, something mischievous sparkling in his eyes. "Dick sucking class is now in session"

You groan, your face twisting with visible disgust.

"Oh my god, that was terrible."

"What? It's true" he says with a shrug.

"That is- no, no way. Never say those words ever again. Ever." you say, pointing a finger at him accusingly.

"Or what?" he challenges, taking a step towards the bed.

You gulp and lick your lips.

"Or..."

He waits expectantly for a response. You have none, so you just shake your head and look away.

"Yeah, that's what I thought"

You glare at him and then sigh.

"You're a bully"

"Am I?” He asks, taking a step back to give you more room. “ 'Cause you're the one that asked me to teach ya. On your knees, kid. Let's see whatcha got."

You chew on the inside of your cheek, trying to suppress a grin. You don't know how he does it, but his ability to make a joke or a quip out of anything always has a smile tugging at the corner of your lips, even when the jokes are awful and the puns are terrible. Even when the joke is about you getting ready to suck his dick.

"You're a bully and a pervert" you say, sliding off the bed and sliding to your knees, the plush carpet doing a decent job at protecting your joints.

"And proud of it.”

"Pride is a sin."

"So is premarital sex, so I'll see you in hell, honey"

You snort and look up at him from your place on the floor, grinning widely.

"You're ridiculous"

"You love it"

And that's the thing, isn't it?

Because you do. You love his innate ability to make you laugh, to make you smile even when he's about to take your fucking virginity. He knows how to comfort you, how to put you at ease, when to push you with his teasing and when to pull back and let you take control. You've never met a person who has so effortlessly made their way into your heart.

And here you are, on your knees for him under the false pretense of practicing for a man who's name you can't even remember right now.

You shake your head, the motion clearing the thoughts and the emotions that were swirling in your head, the ones that make you want to stand up and kiss him, kiss him until your lips are numb and you're left gasping for air.

"Joel?" you say his name softly.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Teach me."

Part 2 is already in the works I promise hehehe thank you for reading I hope u all enjoy!!

#joel miller smut #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller one shot #joel miller fic #the last of us #tlou fic #joel miller #pedro pascal characters

6K notes · View notes