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lvrdrafts · 10 months

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Unspoken Apologies

Summary: You are in the hospital and you confess to Bucky the pain you felt during the relationship, but Bucky doesn't deny his true feelings toward you

A/N: I GOT 100 FOLLOWERS OMG TY GUYS SO MUCH!!

Part 1 Part 2

Y/N lay in a sterile hospital room, her body weakened by the torture she had gone through. The doctors had delivered the devastating news that the torture you went through had caused severe damage internally. They had said she wouldn't make it. It was a bleak reality that Y/N was struggling to accept, but there was one person who refused to give up hope - Bucky Barnes.

Bucky paced back and forth outside the room, his heart heavy with worry. He had never seen Y/N so fragile, so vulnerable. The thought of losing her was unbearable. He blamed himself for not being there sooner, for not being there when she needed him the most.

A soft knock on the door interrupted Bucky's restless pacing. Y/N's weak voice called out, "Come in, Bucky."

He entered cautiously, his eyes brimming with concern. Seeing her lying in the hospital bed, her breathing slower and her body more pale, tore at his soul. Bucky had always admired Y/N's strength and resilience, and now it seemed to be slipping away.

Y/N managed a weak smile. "It's so funny, isn't it?" she said softly, her voice filled with a mix of sadness and amusement. "All of this started because I overheard you in the bar, calling me clingy. I tried avoiding you and I wanted you to say 'Hey I miss your clinginess' " you pause holding back tears "but you never did".

Bucky's heart sank as he remembered that conversation. It had been a misunderstanding. He was just stressed and found you as an excuse for his problems. He wanted to apologize, to tell Y/N how wrong he had been, but his words caught in his throat.

"Y/N," he began, his voice choked with emotion. But before he could say anything else, she continued.

"I've always felt like I burdened you, like I was too much for you to handle, and this situation proved my point" Y/N confessed, tears welling up in her eyes. "I guess I just wanted to hear it from you. Am I really a burden to you, Bucky?"

Bucky's silence spoke volumes, and Y/N's heart shattered into a million pieces. The truth was revealed without words, and it was more painful than she could have ever imagined.

Tears streamed down Y/N's face as she clutched her chest, struggling to breathe. Bucky rushed to her side, taking her hand in his, but it was too late. The doctors rushed in, their urgent voices fading into the background as Y/N slipped away.

Bucky knelt beside the lifeless body of the person he loved, overwhelmed with grief and regret. He had allowed his fear and pride to cloud his judgment, to push Y/N away when all she needed was his reassurance.

In that heartbreaking moment, Bucky made a promise to himself. He would carry the weight of his mistakes and regrets for the rest of his life. He would never forget the sound of Y/N's voice, filled with hurt and longing, nor the look of desperation in her eyes as she questioned her own worth.

As Bucky emerged from Y/N's hospital room, his face etched with anguish, he found himself face-to-face with Sam Wilson, who had been anxiously waiting outside.

Sam's eyes widened at the sight of Bucky's devastated expression. "Bucky, what happened?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

Bucky's voice trembled as he tried to find the right words. "It's... it's my fault, Sam," he finally managed to say, his voice filled with regret. "Y/N... she overheard a conversation we had, and I never got the chance to make things right, to tell her how sorry I was. And now... now she's gone."

Sam's expression softened as he realized the weight of Bucky's remorse. "What did she hear, Bucky?" he pressed gently, knowing that the answer would reveal the depth of the pain caused.

Bucky's voice cracked as he spoke. "She heard me call her clingy, Sam," he admitted, his voice filled with self-condemnation. "I was stressed, and I took it out on her. I pushed her away when all she needed was my support. I didn't realize how much those words would haunt her, how they would make her doubt her worth. And now... she's paid the price."

Sam's gaze turned cold, his disappointment evident. "She died thinking I hated her," he said, his voice filled with frustration. "She was the only person with me after-"Bucky pauses realizing he's all alone again, as if fate wanted him to be alone. "after Steve left me. She was like an angel who was there and and now she is gone because I was a fucking idiot" Bucky says kicking a trash can to the other side of the hallway.

Bucky's shoulders slumped, his eyes welling up with tears. "I failed her, and now she's gone. I've lost her..."

@marygoddessofmischief @specialsnowflake-gabbi @openup-yourmind @madi-is-kinda-lame @maddieislost @666yourmomdotcom @kentokaze @floralwslokicjand10 @vicmc624 @theroyalmanatee @kandis-mom @elite4cekalyma @sargentbarxes @milanaasblog

#bucky x reader #bucky x reader angst #bucky barnes x reader angst #james barnes x reader #james barnes x reader angst

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cloudysonder · 3 months

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In Response to Criticism of Loser, Baby

According to the yt comments under prime's upload of Loser, Baby, apparently some folks are taking offense to Husker comforting Angel by telling him he's a loser and to get over it and somehow framing this lovely lovely song as victim blaming??

the media literacy bar really is in hell

I do think the song plays out far better in the context of the show, and isn't really made to be a standalone piece of consumable media, though I will be treating it as such in the coming days by endlessly looping the video

anyway, this is a song that brings comfort and hope to both characters thanks to who each character is and what situation each is in. These are vital pieces of context that are important to understanding the message of the song. It's important to realize one method of comfort is not going to work for every situation-- the particular method in Loser, Baby works because of what the characters are looking for in the moment.

Husk confronts Angel on his self-destructive tendencies, to which Angel responds that drugs, sex, and immediate dopamine hits are his escape, and that, even in the worst case, even if he destroys himself, it'd be better than the situation he's currently in (a suicidal, scary thing to say)

In the previous scenes in the show, we've seen that Angel takes an almost comedic level of pride in his work, eager to drag the gang off to sex dungeons and show them his porn tapes. He delights in how uncomfortable his world makes them and constantly does bits, putting on a character that's hypersexual, that seems like he's in control and wants to be doing the sex work he's doing

This is very clearly an attempt at masquerading a level of power over his life that he doesn't actually have; in reality, he has no choice but to be sexually exploited, but if he acts like he chooses it, it almost feels like he owns his life. Or, really, it almost looks to others that he owns his life. It's all about performance and perception with Angel; he hates the idea of looking like someone who needs saving, hates looking like a victim, and hates being seen as powerless, so he tries to act like he's none of those things. Of course, he can't really lie to himself, so he resolves that inner turmoil (suffering that he completely internalizes because he doesn't want to break his facade) through drugs, sex, alcohol, and even pain as distraction.

Which is why "Loser, Baby," is so fucking wonderful! Husk is telling him, over and over, that he's not fooling anyone, that his little character he's sacrificing so much to play isn't worth it, that Angel's a loser and everyone can tell. If you take his words at face value, it's cruel and unkind and could make things worse--- that is, if this wasn't Husk and he wasn't talking to Angel.

It's freeing. Angel is being told that he doesn't need to do his bullshit performance, that he can be a loser, and that everyone at the hotel's a loser too, so no one's gonna judge him. It's a song about accepting where you are in life, about stopping Angel's denial of reality and refusal of vulnerability.

Most of all, it's a very kind gesture on Husk's part. It wouldn't have worked if Husk hadn't also loudly called himself a loser and opened up about his past mistakes. It's a wonderful song about mutual vulnerability and accepting imperfections and mistakes and accepting that you're in a shitty place so you can finally stop self-destructing and start finding solace in other people also in shitty places.

also it's gay soooooo not too much on my beloved huskerdust

#huskerdust #husker hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel character analysis #hazbin hotel loser baby #loser baby #angel dust #husker #husk

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girlrotterr · 2 months

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HEADLINES☆

Bodyguard!ellie x Model!reader Summary: After gaining more popularity in the public eye, your manager decided to hire you a bodyguard. Usually, you wouldn’t care, but this particular bodyguard, Ellie, is a cold and stubborn one, always controlling your decisions. Tonight, a big party is being thrown, but knowing Ellie, she won’t let you go. You can persuade her...right? a/n: hello angelss!! I wanted to try something different for this fic! lmk what you angels think! Had sm fun with this one <3 (especially with the dynamic!)

You sighed, frustrated with Ellie's determination. It wasn't the first time you had tried to convince her to let you attend social events. Leaning against the wall, you crossed your arms.

"Ellie, come onn! I get it, you're here to protect me, but I can take care of myself too. This party is crucial for my image, and you know how important that is in my line of work," you argued, attempting to convince her.

She narrowed her eyes, "Your image won't matter if something happens to you. You can't trust those people, and I won't let you jeopardize your safety just for the sake of appearances."

You tried a different tactic, softening your tone. "Look, I appreciate what you do, I really do!. But I need to live a little, experience things.! Besides, it's not healthy to be cooped up all the time. Let me go, Ellie, just this once!”

Her expression remained serious, and she shook her head. "No, it's not happening. I've seen how these events turn out, and I won't let you become another headline. My responsibility is to protect you, even from yourself."

You threw your hands up in frustration. "I'm not a child. I can make my own decisions, even if they turn out mistakes."

She stayed silent for a moment, her gaze intense. "I can't let you take unnecessary risks. It's my job to keep you safe, and I won't compromise on that."

"But I got all dolled up!" you say, gesturing towards your outfit.

A smirk crept onto Ellie's face as she looked you up and down. She admired the effort you had put into your appearance, her gaze lingering for a moment.

You had come to know Ellie's strict professionalism quite well, but there was another side to her that occasionally surfaced — a genuine appreciation for your presence. You had caught her stealing glances, subtly tracing the lines of your figure. She silently acknowledged the aura you radiated.

When she got lost in those moments, captivated by you, it didn't escape your notice. You had become a distraction from her duties, something that seemed to drive her fucking crazy. The protector allowing herself a vulnerable moment, drawn in by you.

"Hmm... Well, I might allow it," she finally accepted, a hint of amusement in her voice, "Only if you behave well."

You rolled your eyes. "Fine, fine. I'll be on my best behavior, I promise!”

Ellie maintained her composed demeanor, though a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips. "Don't make me regret this. I'll be watching, and if anything seems off, you're out of there."

You nodded, pleased with the compromise. "Deal!"

Heading towards the door, you couldn't help but feel a sense of victory. Stepping out of the house, ellie followed closely, her eyes scanning the surroundings with a hint of nervousness, ensuring your safety remained her top priority.

fuck. The sight of Ellie in her sleek suit sent shivers down your spine, it always gave her a menacing look.

"Hey~, with that black suit, you look like my date," you said cheekily, a playful glint in your eyes as you teased her. You loved getting under her skin.

Ellie looked at you suspiciously, a faint blush tinting her cheeks "I'm not your date," she stated firmly, attempting to brush off your comment.

"Aww man," you exclaimed, unable to contain your giggles at her seriousness.

She rolled her eyes, hiding a hint of happiness behind her sternness. "Keep acting like that, and I'll forget the deal," she replied, a mischievous grin playing on her lips. It was her turn to be the tease now.

"Harsh!" you exclaimed, grinning as you playfully moved closer to her.

"You're such a brat, you know that?" she said with a playful smirk.

You gasped, exaggerating your shock. "Am not!"

"Then stop acting like one," she shot back, her eyes scanning your body.

You grinned, playfully striding towards your baby pink beetle. "Not until you drop the bossy act."

Opening the car door, you hopped inside. The seats plush and adorned with soft pink cushions, the air filled with the sweet scent of strawberries.

You started the car and began driving, the engine humming as the vehicle glided through the streets. Ellie stared out the window, lost in her thoughts and taking in the passing neighborhood. The quietness of the car started feeling a bit awkward.

Sensing the silence, you reached into your purse, rummaging around until you found your favorite CD. With a grin, you popped it into the player, and your favorite song immediately filled the car with noise.

"AHH!! LOVEE THIS SONG!!" you shrieked and laughed with excitement. The energy of the music lifted the mood, filling the car with a sense of liveliness. Ellie couldn't help but crack a small smile, finding your genuine joy contagious. She smirked as she listened to the music, not exactly to her taste but enjoying the rhythm.

You started dancing in your seat, unable to contain your excitement. With a grin, you rolled down the windows, letting the wind whip through the car as you drove a little faster, caught up in the euphoria of the moment.

Ellie chuckled at your antics, but her enjoyment turned to mild concern when she noticed the speed increasing.

"C-calm down. There's no need to drive so fast," she warned, her tone laced with caution.

"Ughh!! You’re a buzzkill!" you exclaimed, sticking your head out of the window, the music blaring even louder now, practically vibrating the entire car.

"Hey! Enough seriously! " Ellie started to protest, but her words were lost in the rush of the wind and the pulsating beat of the music.

"Ellie! Take the fucking wheel!" you suddenly exclaimed, thrusting your hands out of the window along with your head, bending your body over the window ledge. You were sexy and unstoppable, the wind blowing perfectly against your face and hair.

Ellie, although taken aback, tried not to panic. In a swift move, she grabbed the wheel, taking control of the car and attempting to steer it. The rush of wind and the blaring music was chaotic yet exhilarating. This wasn't an unusual occurrence for her; she was used to your careless and rebellious behavior. However, it always managed to take her by surprise.

You stopped and took the wheel once again, closing the windows and slowing down as Ellie breathed a sigh of relief. "We're here!" you giggled excitedly, undoing your seatbelt and hopping out of the car, with Ellie following behind you.

Approaching the grand mansion, you marveled at its luxury. It stood tall and stunning, illuminated by soft lights against the night sky. Beautiful gardens surrounded it completely.

You walked towards the entrance, excitement building with each step. As you opened the door, you were suddenly greeted by a woman.

"You made it!" she exclaimed.

“I wouldn't have missed it for the world!" you responded.

The lady, still smiling, welcomed you inside with a gesture. “Come on in!” she exclaimed, holding the door open.

As you entered, you turned and waved for Ellie to come along.

Ellie followed behind you. As she looked around, her amazement grew. The party inside was anything but average. The upbeat music filled the air as people danced energetically, drinks flowed freely, and couples were intimately occupied on couches and stairs. She even noticed some people snorting drugs in the bathroom.

Turning towards Ellie, you leaned in and whispered, "Psst, a secret! I didn't even know that lady..."

Ellie laughed softly at your secret. "Really? She seemed to know you, though," she replied.

“I mean, my face is practically everywhere!”

"It must be weird, though. Having people recognizing you and praising you for your beauty. It's quite a big responsibility, isn't it?" she asked, genuinely curious. "Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed by the attention?"

“No, I get the fascination,” you replied, walking over to grab a soda.

"It's pretty funny how unfazed you are," she replied with a smile. “I have to admit, it’s fucking admirable.”

“Aw, don't flirt with me so obviously now,” you teased, grinning as you took a sip of your soda.

Ellie felt her cheeks flush at your remark, catching her off guard. "It's fucking hard not to," she replied, unable to take her gaze away from yours.

“You listen well; you dropped the bossy act,” you teased, playfully bumping your shoulder into hers.

“Fucking try me,” Ellie scoffed, leaning into your ear.

"I'm too busy dancing!" you said, playfully walking away from Ellie.

Approaching a woman who had clearly been checking you out since you entered. With a confident smile, you asked her if she wanted to dance, and she eagerly agreed. Taking her hand, you led her to the dance floor.

As Ellie observed, jealousy played across her face. She had never seen you dance, and she had to admit, she fucking loved it. It was hard for her not to envy the woman dancing with you. Despite being your bodyguard, she found herself unable to tear her eyes away. She wanted to fucking savor it.

The woman continued to get closer to you, too close for Ellie. She felt her anger rise, clenching her fists tightly, nails digging into her palms. She turned her head from side to side, attempting to release the tension building up. Suddenly you pulled the woman in for a kiss, a smile spreading across your face.

Ellie's jaw tightened.

You handed the woman a piece of paper containing your phone number before walking away, heading towards Ellie with exhaustion in your steps.

“Ugh, I need water!!” you exclaimed, your legs giving out from dancing.

"You seem pretty tired," she remarked, a hint of jealousy in her voice.

“Hm? Oh! Yeah, she's been eyeing me the moment I walked in!” you exclaimed, taking a seat on a nearby stool. “I thought I'd give her a chance, and she did not disappoint.”

"Do you just give anyone a chance when they look at you with desire?" she questioned sternly, her tone cold. The jealousy was consuming her, and she was struggling to keep her emotions in check.

“Why does it matter to you?” you asked, genuinely surprised that she cared.

Ellie had to admit, you were right. She was just your bodyguard; it shouldn’t matter to her.

Suddenly, the woman approached you, handing you a beer. "Sorry for exhausting you, princess," she said, only fueling Ellie's jealousy further.

"Princess...? What the fuck," Ellie replied, her anger building up.

The woman looked at Ellie with confusion and scoffed. "And you are..?"

Ellie felt her stomach sink as she met the woman's gaze with a cold, sharp glare. "I'm her bodyguard," she stated firmly, her tone conveying her authority. "It's my job to make sure nothing happens to her. And from what I've seen, you're getting way too close for my liking."

The woman chuckled arrogantly. "Yeah? Well, I don't give a fuck," she replied, smirking as she put her arm around your shoulder.

Ellie had reached her limit. The audacity of this fucking woman,

"Don’t fucking touch my client," Ellie threatened coldly, maintaining a sharp look.

Unfazed, the woman put her beer down aggressively. "What're you going to do?!?" she challenged, now getting closer to Ellie. She was testing limits and crossing lines, pushing Ellie to the edge.

"Hey! Stop it!" you exclaimed, stepping in between Ellie and the woman. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! Causing unnecessary shit."

Bothered, the woman picked up her beer and threw it at you, the liquid soaking your hair and dress. "Fucking bitch.." she muttered angrily, beginning to walk away.

You stood there, now with beer dripping from you, frustration and disbelief on your face.

You let out a scoff, your frustration boiling as you lunged at the woman. Your anger fueled your movements as you tackled her to the ground, pinning her beneath you. With adrenaline coursing through your veins, you unleashed a blow of punches, each blow landing with force on her face. The sound of your fists meeting her bloodied nose, the woman grunting in pain. She had no fucking chance.

Ellie watched the scene before her, her eyes widening as she witnessed.

The people at the party even began crowding around, watching and recording with excitement. The situation had spiraled out of control. With the woman's face bloodied and bruised, her right eye swollen shut, you smudged your face with hers, rubbing the beer she had thrown at you onto her face.

“cunt.” You muttered, finally standing up, your knuckles completely stained in red.

You began walking towards the door, the crowd following right behind you. Ellie, still standing near the door, was fucking stunned. Completely speechless.

You opened the door and headed towards your car. Fastening your seatbelt, you yelled out the window, "ELLIE, GET THE FUCK IN HERE!!"

Ellie jolted as she quickly made her way to the car. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment from the crowd's whispers and stares. You swerved, aligning the passenger seat with the main entrance. Lowering the window, it allowed ellie to jump into the seat through it. However, not giving her time to fully get in, you accelerated quickly with half of her body still hanging outside.

“wait, wait, wait!!” Ellie exclaimed loudly, her eyes shut tight as she desperately gripped onto the seat. “You’re fucking crazy!!” she yelled.

You were definitely making the headlines again.

#ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie x reader #ellie x fem reader #ellie williams x you #ellie x y/n #ellie fanfic #ellie fanfiction #ellie williams au

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aphroditelovesu · 4 days

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May I request a yandere alphabet with Daemon Targaryen?

❝ 🐉 — lady l: It was my first time writing a yandere alphabet so I hope it's ok. Forgive me for any mistakes and I hope you like it! ❤️

❝tw: yandere themes, obsessive and possessive behavior, kidnapping, mention of death, punishments and murder.

❝🐉pairing: yandere!daemon targaryen x gender neutral!reader.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Daemon shows his love and affection for his darling through gifts and touches. He's not exactly romantic but he has his moments.

He likes to present you with everything that he finds interesting and that may be of interest to you. It's the most common way for him to show his love, besides touches like a hug, kiss on the forehead or holding your hand.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Very messy. Daemon has no scruples when it comes to his darling. He will make a huge mess, bodies lying on the street, blood staining everything. Daemon will kill, disembowel, and torture anyone for you.

All for you. He will not feel any kind of remorse.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Daemon won't exactly be cruel to you because he cares and loves you in his own way. If he gets to the point where he needs to kidnap you, he will try to be as patient as possible.

But patience is not his strong point, so there may be times when he will be cruel. Yelling at you, squeezing your neck and demanding you stop acting like a spoiled child. It's moments like these that he shows his monstrous side.

He may mock you by imitating your voice as a form of mockery, degrading you further.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Daemon would never force himself on his darling, he would never do something like that. He's a monster, he knows that, but not that kind of monster. He can force you to stay close to him, hugging you and even kissing you hard, but it will never go beyond that.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Daemon doesn't like being vulnerable and hates appearing weak, so he won't show his heart to his darling much.

There are times when he will be softer and a little vulnerable, but nothing that makes him too uncomfortable, except when he is drunk or needy. In these moments, Daemon will grab you and tell you how much he loves you and how much you mean to him.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He would find it amusing. Seeing you think you can against him is fun for Daemon. So sweet and so naive. As if you could win against a Targaryen.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Daemon considers it a game in which he knows he will win in the end. You are the prize he will win at any cost.

He will love watching you try to escape him. Seeing your efforts go in vain, the way you get frustrated when he takes you every time. Adorable.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

The worst thing you could try to do is cheat on him. Daemon will not accept this at all and when he gets his hands on you, you will regret having crossed him.

He can and will physically hurt you. He won't go to the extreme of torturing you, but Daemon will leave marks on your body to remind you that you should never do something like that again. Dietary restrictions and even beatings are among the things he will do.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Daemon sees himself in a pleasant future with you. With him being King and you at his side, whether as his wife, lover or Hand. He can't see his future without you.

And if he can have children with you, he will.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Daemon feels very jealous. And he's not subtle about it at all. His gaze is hard and anyone can sense the imminent danger that comes with that feeling.

He takes out his jealousy in the worst way: on you or on others. Depending on the situation, Daemon will leave you full of possessive marks or scattered corpses behind.

He has no problem killing anyone who made him jealous. Was that guard very nice to you? He will die. Was that prostitute giving you looks? Her body was found in poor condition.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Daemon likes to take you flying with him in Caraxes, going to bars and parties by his side. Always keeping a close eye on you when you are in public, of course.

He's not afraid or embarrassed to show how he feels about you in public and will deal with anyone who says anything about it afterwards.

Daemon tries to be the most compassionate towards you, he doesn't want you to hate him, so he tries to be kind and caring towards you.

Love Letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Daemon is definitely not subtle about his intentions with you. He will send gifts, touch you in public and stay by your side. He has no problem showing how he feels about you.

He may try a more subtle approach at first but it won't last. He will make his intentions very clear. Daemon doesn't have the patience to woo you properly.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

No. Daemon has always been this way, reckless, violent and cruel and that has never changed. Everyone already knows the prince and Dameon has never tried to hide who he is.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Daemon can be very cruel with his punishments. He can restrict you from certain needs, such as your food to more superficial things. He has no problem taking it from you, after all, he was the one who gave you such privileges.

In more extreme cases, Daemon can physically harm you, even leaving scars on your body. It all depends on how naughty you were.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Daemon will not take away your rights unless he thinks you deserve it. If you are good and obedient, he won't need to do something like that.

But if you're not? Daemon will take everything he can from you. Your family, your friends, your basic rights, everything. Until the only thing you have left is him.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Daemon is not an example of patience but he tries for you. He tries his best to be patient with you because he knows it's necessary, that you're scared.

But Daemon can easily lose his temper if you do something he doesn't like or that bothers him. You will have to walk on eggshells around him.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

If you died, Daemon would enter a deep state of grief and sadness. He will become more bitter and cruel than ever, anyone could become the target of the pain he feels for losing you. The countless deaths he caused were a result of losing you. He would never be able to get over your death.

If you escaped or left? No, no. Daemon would burn the world down behind you. He would do anything to find you and he would find you. He has a dragon and he knows his brother would support him in this. It's only a matter of time before he has you in his arms again.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

No. Daemon wouldn't feel guilty about taking you because you're his and there's nothing wrong with taking what's rightfully yours. And he would never let you go, beg and cry all you want, you will never get rid of him.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Daemon isn't sure what brought out this side of him, maybe he was always like this. But what may have been what brought out his obsessive side was the affection, the love you gave him. You saw him and he loved it.

He found himself wanting more and more of this attention, this love, and he wasn't willing to share it with anyone else.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Daemon feels bad seeing you cry because he hates seeing your beautiful face stained by tears, especially if he was the one who caused them. But he won't actually do anything to fix it. But he will comfort you, pull you into a hug and whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

He hates it when you yell and if you yell at him, Daemon will put an end to it quickly. Pushing you against a wall and squeezing your throat usually does the trick.

If you try to isolate yourself, he won't let you. You won't stay away from him under any circumstances. You'll have to get used to his presence or things won't end so well for you.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Burn alive your enemies and/or people who have harmed you in some way as a form of retaliation. And feed them to his dragon.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Daemon has no apparent weaknesses and he won't even leave them exposed for you to use against him, he's not stupid. But if he trusts you enough, you can use that against him.

Once trust is established, Daemon will be more tolerant of you going out alone, or at the very least with just one guard and not an entire armada, and perhaps letting you wander around his house alone.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Yes. Daemon doesn't want to hurt you physically, but he will if he sees fit. He will have no problem inflicting pain on you, but don't worry, he will take care of you later.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Daemon would rather be adored than worship but he adores you in his own way. He worships your body, your mind and how sharp you are. These are qualities that he adores in you.

But you will be put on a pedestal once you accept your role in his life.

Oh, he would go to any lengths to win you. He would compete for your attention in jousts, battles, and any other way to get your attention without having to resort to kidnapping. Something he will do if he sees no other alternative.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

It doesn't take long for him to snap.

Daemon is not patient and he wants you, so he will have you. He may try to win you the traditional way but since that doesn't give the results he wants, Daemon will bring you to him. He will take you.

Maybe a few weeks at most.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Yes, but not intentionally.

Daemon doesn't want you to be a puppet, a marionette that he will control. He wants to see a fire in your eyes, he likes it when you fight him and if he breaks you he won't have that anymore.

But he can do it accidentally. And Daemon will try everything to bring you back.

He doesn't like it when you're broken, it's not fun for him.

#yandere hotd #hotd #yandere house of the dragon #asoiaf #house of the dragon #a song of ice and fire #yandere daemon targaryen #yandere daemon targaryen x reader #yandere alphabet #x reader #daemon targaryen x reader

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xoxoemynn · 6 months

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Seeing some chatter about people being disappointed that Stede didn't say I love you back to Ed, and while I get it on the level that it's always just nice to hear the words, I actually really love that Stede's response was "I know. I know that."

Because Ed just went through (yet another) traumatic event where he thought Stede had died, and not only that, but he died and the last words they shared were of anger. Think about the grief and regret of that, how it would have consumed him if he had to spend the rest of his life thinking about how the love of his life died and the last thing he said to him was that the only time they had sex was a mistake, and that they should just stop talking before they say something they'd regret.

He sees Stede, and he sees that he's alive, and the first thing he needs to do is make sure Stede knows he loves him. He needs to erase all the bad memories from their last interaction.

Because compounding this is Ed's old belief that he's unlovable. And if you fear you're unlovable, you don't want to give the people you care about most reason to stop caring about you. He's saying "I love you, I'm sorry I acted that way, please, I didn't mean to hurt you, I love you, I love you, I love you."

And Stede, so gently and reassuringly, says "I know that." It doesn't matter that Ed's not perfect. It doesn't matter if sometimes they argue. It doesn't matter if Ed needs time to himself. It doesn't matter if Ed's still sorting out who he is and what he wants to do in life.

Stede knows Ed loves him. He will always know Ed loves him. Even when things get difficult, which they undoubtedly will again, he'll know Ed loves him. Ed doesn't need to do anything to prove that. He doesn't need to be afraid that if he slips up, Stede will stop loving him, or think for one second that Ed doesn't love him with all of his heart.

He just needs to... be Edward.

We've seen all season how much Stede loves Ed. Ed has seen it, too. It's what gave him the courage to begin opening up to him again and being vulnerable with him.

But this reinforcement that Stede accepts him, all parts of him, is what Ed really needs to hear in that moment.

And that's why Ed smiles.

#emynn.op #OFMD #OFMD Spoilers #OFMD S2 Spoilers #ofmd meta #Edward Teach #Stede Bonnet #Ed x Stede #SO MANY THINGS TO DO TODAY BUT ALAS I AM IN MY FEELS ONCE MORE

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seriousbrat · 3 months

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this says a lot about Snape's character development for me. There are many parallels drawn throughout the series between Harry and Snape; obviously, they're very different characters but there are similarities too.

I think here Snape is talking about himself. The teenaged Snape we see in the Pensieve is very much like this- emotional, heart on his sleeve, easily provoked, a definite wallower in sad memories... weak. Adult Snape, though he retains some of these characteristics that do emerge in stressful moments (in PoA we see how angrily he reacts to Sirius's escape, for instance) on the whole is a great deal more thoughtful, reserved, calculating, measured.

I think that Snape at some point had to force himself to become this. I think he actually relates to Harry here, and is giving him advice based on personal experience. In my fic he begins to learn to control his emotions partially out of a desire to protect Lily; he's fully aware that she's his weakness (or really, his strength, viewed a different way) and that openly displaying any sort of emotion towards her at all makes her vulnerable to the likes of Avery and Mulciber, who will have the perfect weapon to get to him if they want to.

Severus doesn't have the advantages of his peers, he's not pureblood, he wasn't born into money. If he wants to join the Death Eaters and rise in their ranks, he needs to be subtle, cunning, careful. he can't afford to be careless and entitled like mulciber or bellatrix or even sirius. what he's got to offer isn't his name or his money, it's his sheer talent and cleverness. moving on:

When Voldemort decides to go after Lily this becomes even more important. Imo the reason why Voldemort believes that Snape only "desired" Lily is because that's what Snape told him. He lied to Voldemort's face and told him something probably disgusting tbh because that's the only way Voldemort would accept it and agree, if it was a selfish, callous request that Voldemort could understand. We can see evidence of this here:

Asking Voldemort to spare a mudblood because he was in love with her would likely not have gone over well- and as we know, Voldemort actually bore his request in mind, though obv didn't give enough of a fuck about Snape to follow through. Because although asking voldemort to spare her must have taken serious balls, Snape's mistake here was trusting someone inherently selfish to do something selfless for him.

Clearly he immediately realises this and goes to Dumbledore, which is when controlling his emotions becomes of paramount importance, because now he's working against perhaps the most highly accomplished legilimens of all time.

It's also interesting to me that Snape in this conversation is probably the character who is most forthright and informative with Harry in the whole of OotP until Dumbledore at the end; Harry actually learns a lot in this conversation. And Snape also kind of gives him credit which is interesting too:

like for Snape that's high praise lmao. A shame because if he wasn't so bitter (i.e. didn't wear his heart on his sleeve so much around harry) then he might have actually been pretty helpful to Harry and a decent teacher. Again, during the Occlumency lessons his unrestrained emotion brought up by memories of James is a hindrance. He defies Dumbledore's orders to teach Harry Occlumency because of his emotional response to SWM, as well as honestly doing kind of a shit job before that (by not being empathetic and teaching Harry in a way that would've been actually productive.)

At this point Dumbledore believes that Harry learning Occlumency and controlling his emotions is of vital importance; he turns out to be wrong about this. In Harry's case, it turns out to be his emotional nature that saves him- unlike Snape, who is the opposite. Snape's journey is about learning that some things are more important than his selfish need to give into his own emotions.

By DH Snape's learned this lesson fully; his old hatred for James doesn't stop him from doing what has to be done, from giving Harry the tools he needs. Even in the final moments of his life, he can look past James and see Lily in Harry- and, by giving Harry the information that leads to his self-sacrifice, he can let her go.

#sorry if this is kind of incoherent lmao its late #but this occlumency scene is so good tbh. the conversation between them is rly interesting #severus snape #meta #honestly the way snape views harry must be so complex and contradictory like no wonder he cant get a grip when harrys around lol #SORRY this got so long rip #severus

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glacierclear · 7 months

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Having some mad fuckboy!Leon thoughts rn

After he's unlearned all the stuff he taught himself and is basically done with the whole fuckboy thing oh man he would be SO soft. Holding your hand? Check. Cuddling at his dorm? Check. Being more gentle and loving during sex? Also check.

Also, stealing his hoodies. He'd melt for sure

oh, for sure. healed fuckboy!leon would be a SIGHT TO BEHOLD.

he wouldn't be perfect...

progress isn't linear. he'd stumble a lot. make a lot of mistakes and backward steps. you would need to be patient. you would need to be careful. especially in the early stages. because damn, he's trying. he's trying so hard. and you need to acknowledge the effort, even if it's hard to see, because any praise towards this will mean so much to him.

it'd come out especially on his bad days. he's more impatient. short-tempered. lashes out over seemingly mundane things. you'll need to be firm but not demeaning. catch his tells, his habits, and figure out the real reason he's behaving the way he is.

you'll need to slowly teach him the true depth of his words. that they hurt you just as much as they hurt him. he's unfamiliar with the idea of accountability, so you need to teach him about consequences. let him know you're upset and angry at him. but just because you're upset doesn't mean he's irredeemable. he'll assume any pushback is you ending things permanently. he needs the space to fuck up and forgive himself.

and damn it all, he's the jealous type. possessive. protective as all hell. it's toxic, and you need to teach him boundaries. it'll be tough. he worked so fucking hard to get you, doesn't he deserve to have you the way he needs? but no. you need freedom. he'll learn eventually, but be prepared to send a lot of "im safe and i miss u" texts to him when you're out with friends.

speaking of toxic. the toxic masculinity will be hell to unpack. sometimes it's nice! he insists on you being passenger princess. he insists on picking up the bill (well, once you're actually dating). he doesn't mind taking care of spiders (and fine, just because you asked nicely, he won't kill them). but...the bads get real bad.

displaying any kind of vulnerable emotion is like pulling teeth. when he's nervous, scared, anxious...he'll take it out on others. or himself. early progress will be made when he's blackout drunk and spilling everything to you. he reveals the deepest, most fragile parts of himself on these nights. it's like he's an entirely different person. and the next morning he'll do his best to sweep it all under the rug, but you have to fight for it. accept him and love him despite how "totally fucking lame" he acted (his words, not yours).

that being said. the good parts? oh yeah. Boyfriend Material 100%.

he'd do anything for you. anything. don't even say shit as a joke because he'll do it. at a certain point he doesn't even care if his friends think he's being stupid. you're his whole world. he'd wear stupid t-shirts for you. go to that concert you're dying to see even if he thinks the music sucks. he'll bash his head into a wall and learn to bake french pastries if it'll get you to smile. through hell and high water, he'll follow.

and yeah, he weans himself off social media. stops posting thirst trap photos and cuts ties with his sneaky links. but the lack of external validation is felt, and it kind of falls on you to fill the void. clingy won't even begin to describe what he is. he'll resort to begging. he will. late to work in the morning? that's not his problem. you're staying in that damn bed and you are cuddling him. you think him wearing tank tops in the middle of December is just a dumb mistake, but you catch on quick when he starts to shiver and needs to huddle you for warmth. "you want me to die of hypothermia? c'mon, babe. get closer." and yeah. those ice cold hands are going straight on your stomach. have fun.

part of the excitement will come from truly learning who he is as a person. most of his herculean facade is a persona. he doesn't actually like beer. he likes dry whiskey and refined clear liquors. he doesn't actually enjoy parties. the crowds make him nauseous, and he can always blame it on the alcohol. he's not actually all that into sports. you figure out he has a well-loved public library card and he knows the mystery section like the back of his hand. he's vibrant. shockingly intelligent. gets that light in his eyes when you nudge him about his interests. it'll be hard to get him to admit it, but his favorite part of the week is huddling on the couch watching nature documentaries with you.

and it's a two-way street. he remembers everything about you. early on in your relationship you casually assume he'll never keep track of the important dates. that's the stereotype, right? you couldn't be more wrong. birthdays. anniversaries. doctor's appointments. your fucking dog's yearly vaccine. he won't necessarily go all-out, not until you're more of a long-term thing, but what he does is meaningful. sincere. you won't get $500 of flowers and chocolate for valentine's day, but he'll abduct you from work, drive you out far, far into the countryside. lay out a patchwork blanket and stare at the night sky. he brought your favorite brand of pita chips and sneakily worms a gift box in your hand. it's that stupid $15 thing that's been sitting in your online shopping cart for weeks that you could never justify buying. and yeah, he'd appreciate a blowjob under the stars, but seeing you happy is enough.

and you could never begin to imagine how loving and passionate he can get during sex. it's totally different than his usual flavor. casual hook-ups and one-night stands are merely a fraction of his power. he tends to avoid intimate gestures on those nights. no eye-contact. hardly any kissing. he likes it rough and he likes it fast. but with you? he takes his time. commits your body to muscle memory. his gaze is intense, and he watches every reaction, trying to map out your flesh like a cartographer. he'll happily make out with you for upwards of a couple hours before you even begin the real foreplay. and you always cum first. always.

oh, but if you're not a fan of PDA...he might be a problem. he's proud of you. you're the hottest thing on two legs as far as he's concerned. he'll have no issue grabbing your ass, wrapping a hand around your waist, kissing along your neck, whispering the most obscene things in your ear. it's not even to make a point. there's no rhyme or reason. he just wants to. and you're right there. and what right does the world have to tell him to stop? does it make people uncomfortable? who cares. he'll lay off if it really bugs you that much...but if he catches anyone staring at you too long he'll ramp it up. it's almost aggressive. you turn to scold him, noticing how his eyes aren't even on you. he's staring at someone else. someone who's looking at what's his.

he's a yes man, too. if you need restraint and careful guidance in your life...he's not the one. he'll support any weird, out of the blue hobby you want to pursue. if you even joke about quitting your job he'll egg you on. "i'll drive right up there and tell your boss i'll fuck his wife!" and you have to talk him down. he'll punch the sun for you. he'll be behind every impulsive purchase. every 4am trip to walmart. every instinct to feed your id. any "little treat" you want to have he'll get it. because you deserve the best. if you ever want to have a stable bank account you need the be the voice of reason. because it's not gonna be him.

yeah. he'll have a lot of problems. don't worry about that. but, at least with fuckboy!leon, you'll almost never have any doubts that he loves you. once you manage to pin his heart on his sleeve, it's there for life and it'll always be yours.

#fuckboy!leon #leon kennedy #resident evil #shut up glacier #suggestive #headcanons

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yuri-is-online · 10 months

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You, I, and the Wall (Azul, Jade, and Floyd x Yuu)

You lie on the ground taking deep breaths, searching around you for three objects you can name while you try to force your ears to tune into the noises around you. The three boys surrounding you look concerned, almost like you're crying but you can't really bring yourself to care right now. It's not like they care anyway, you think; an upset person is just inconvenient to deal with.

"It's my fault." You try to reassure them with a shaky breath. "I'm the one who made the mistake of feeling safe."

notes: they/them pronouns used for Yuu, heavy angst, SPOILERS FOR CH. 4, specifically how Jamil's UM might make someone feel (as in not good, forcing someone to do stuff they do not want to is not nice). If you like this please check out my masterlist here (x)

Floyd

"I bet you'd rather be talkin to Crabby right now, huh?" Floyd almost sounds self depreciating, there's a haze of tears clouding your judgment that makes him feel a bit safer in his vulnerability. "Sorry I'm all that's here right now." He makes sure to stay just far enough from you that you don't feel like he's crowding your personal space, but close enough that there's a barrier between you and the door the Scarabia students fled through. If those guppies thought there was any sort of excuse for putting you into this state he would accept, well there wasn't. If they thought he had forgotten their faces they had a gigantic storm coming, but he needed to make sure you were alright first. Hurricane's can't start until the eye is calm.

"I tried calling Ace, he didn't answer." Your voice sounds so unlike you, weak and tired. "Same with Deuce."

"Ha, dunno about Mackey but Crabby's definitely scratching at the walls if you told him you're in trouble." He means it, and he hates how he knows it will calm you down. Floyd doesn't like the sidelines, that's where Jade thrives, not him. Being jealous that Ace is calming you down even though he's not here is petty and kind of pathetic. But he can't help it, the way he moves and looks is scary, but surely if he looks at you long enough you'll realize-

"You ain't gotta believe me now," he mumbles to himself, slowly shuffling closer to you, satisfying his urge to squeeze by pinching your cheek, "already knew I was gonna have to work on that, but I don't ever want to see you like this again." Finally you look at him instead of away; you are confused and tired but finally comfortable enough to let your exhaustion put you to sleep. He used to think he loved every face you could make, and he can't say he never wants to see you scared because of how cute you look spooked, but this, this wasn't fun. You'll just have to let him be the only one to scare you from here on out, he thinks, gently picking you up off the ground to take you somewhere more comfortable.

Jade

To be fair, Jade had expected you to try hitting him a lot sooner than this. He also had to admit it was extremely... lovely of you to have enough control over yourself to stop just before landing the blow.

"No fighting in the lounge, that's the rule right?" Your entire body is tense, even as you retract the fist and retreat into yourself, away from the table, away from him. Azul laughs awkwardly while pushing forward in discussing the Scarabia situation, but Jade keeps his eyes on you.

"Of course for a magicless person like yourself there would be no way to resist being hypnotized. Really someone could have given you whatever orders they wanted to and ordered you not to remember-"

In hindsight maybe, compared to some of the other observations he has voiced out loud, that one was a touch harsh.

"I am quite sorry if I caused offense." He says. Still tense, you take in a deep shuddering breath, winding up for something. His hands fold contentedly, wondering if you will try to hit him again. Given his comments, he doesn't mind letting you.

"Fuck off." You sound so small you want to die but the shock that unwinds on his face is somewhat satisfying. He wonders, as you try to walk away again, just how it would feel to be powerless to say no. To be small and alone in a world you don't belong in, forced to do something by someone against your will and then made fun of by someone strikingly similar for not being able to protect yourself.

It's an ugly thought, but he wonders if anyone has ever made you feel this small before, if he is making you feel that small now.

"I did not say what I did to mock you." Jade is surprised by the strength of his conviction, and how little he thinks to blame you if you choose not to forgive him. "If the thought of that person's magic scares you, please stay close to Floyd. He will be able to keep you safe." To his great relief some tension leaves your shoulders, and he dares to risk a step forward. "I should hope this goes without saying, but what happened to you was not your fault, nor was it acceptable."

"You trying to say Octavinelle has a monopoly on exploiting me?" There's an edge to the question that will take time to dull, but your ire seems less pointed at him now.

"I'm suggesting you simply look at our involvement as a form of revenge." He means it, though he knows you are in no position to tell just yet. That's quite alright, he knows himself. He can wait.

Azul

"Please wait!" Azul is surprised you don't break into a sprint, but then you don't slow down or stop either, stubbornly insistent on moving towards Ramshackle Dorm. You allow him to walk next to you, ignoring the huffs of stress in his breath.

"What do you want Azul?" No no no this is all wrong, you compliment his efforts after seeing him at his worst and now you're icing him out? Sure, he knew entertaining the idea you could be friends, genuine ones, was too good to be true but seeing it go up in foam in front of him was still painful.

"What did you mean feeling safe was a mistake?" He knows Jamil, in theory anyway, they're in a complicated place right now. Or maybe always but that's besides the point. There was a reason behind all of this he is sure you will likely find sympathetic enough to forgive, but if you are in this much pain why should you? Not that he has a say in it, but why should he let you?

"What do you want Azul?" You just repeat yourself, nails digging into the palms of your hand in a way that looks so painful he can't stop himself from reaching to pull them towards him. It keeps you from running the next couple feet to the mirror, both of you forced to look at the bleeding dents in your palms in a mixture of shame and remorse. He's too distressed to express himself, moving to firmly hold both of your hands with one of his while the other searches for his magic pen. 'What do yo-"

"A chance." Magic soothes the pain as Azul works to close the admittedly tiny wounds with the same determined focus he shows his studies. "All I have ever wanted is a chance." He doesn't say at what, you get a feeling he doesn't really know what he is asking for right now himself. But with how he refuses to mention payment as he puts away his magic pen, just continues to hold you in place, you think you could maybe eventually understand.

"I'll give you one." You swallow hoarsely, taking away your hands from his as he tries to pretending he didn't memorize their warmth.

"It's a deal then," he means that as a joke you think, but there's a bit of his normal showmanship and pride you find oddly comforting now "I promise you, one is all I'll need."

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #floyd leech x reader #jade leech x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #also as a side note #i think floyd is the most emotionally intelligent of the trio #which was more or less the thought that spawned whatever this is

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girlwithwolftatoo · 10 months

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Hey! How would the moon boys react to fem!reader? Cupping their face in her hand out of the blue?

Weather is more than appropiate for fluff stuff <3

Moon Boys + Reader cupping their face

Marc Spector:

The most reluctant of three. He craves for signs of affection but won't react positively to it at first.

Your hands holding his face makes him feel... weird, a little vulnerable, a little childish. Consider most of his childhood and adolescence he didn't get much love.

"Drop it" he murmurs, but he's not serious. Won't take your hands off, won't turn away, he just struggles with his own feelings.

Little by little, he breaks. He sobs with an expression of embarrasment, as if waiting you'd find it ridiculous or stupid (which of course, isn't the case), and may kneel down as you still cup his face, all defeated and tired.

Listening words of reassurement and compassion is the best for him. Feeling you trust him and love him despite any mistake or flaw gives him the self-confidence he lost so long time ago, and the fact you don't judge him is even more important.

"I'm sorry, I... I know I'm not good foor you..." "You never say that again, Marc. It's a lie. You're good, for yourself and for me"

Steven Grant:

You probably caught him in the middle of a crisis or a panic attack, mumbling so fast his accent becomes thicker and you can barely undestand what he says, and once you put your hands on his jaw...

"What are...? Ohhh that feels better, yes..." he murmurs as soon as the warmth of your hands relax him almost immediately.

May close his eyes just to enjoy your spoils, even will accept to sit and, perhaps, a little massage on the shoulders (he's very ticklish so be careful).

Little by little, his tangled mind takes a straight trail of thoughts, and he vents everything in a more calmed tone. It's not just the flesh to flesh contact, it's the fact you're there, listening him, what helps him to recover quick.

Chances are he may reccomend to take a nap together, just to be sure he'll wake up in a better mood, or simply make some tea for you and him as a gesture of appreciation for what you did.

"Honestly don't know what would I do if you weren't here, love"

Jake Lockley:

For this case I can imagine two scenarios: one, Jake returning early in the morning, all tired and moody, or two, you having to approach Jake to calm him down since he's losing a little his temper and probably about to do something hideous.

If it's the first case, Jake simply walks in, dropping his jacket nd mumbling something about being sick of everything. Once your hands reach his face, he sighs almost in relief, as if he just entered a hot bathtub.

"I'd wish I could spend night here with you instead of outside more often, bonita" he complains and groans like an exhausted dog, allowing you to rub his face. A soft smile appears in his lips, and you know he's back to normal again, like a spell.

The other scenario sounds dangerous, but not because of Jake. As soon as he feels your presence right next to him, something in his mind sounds an alarm and he stops anything he's doing. If you'd got hurt during his watch, he would never forgive himself.

"Jake, Jake!" anyways you need to call him out to be sure he's paying attention. "It's okay, mi amor, it's over". Just a single hand will do, and he cups it into his own hand, gently squitting his eyes.

"Perdóname, princesa, I just... had a bad time" he murmurs, grabbing onto your hand as if he'd never let it go.

#moon knight #moon knight series #marc spector #steven grant #jake lockley #steven grant x reader #jake lockley x reader #marc spector x reader #jake lockley headcanon #marc spector headcanon #steven grant headcanon #moon boys

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maxphilippa · 5 months

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An Small Analysis Post On Lightbulb, Because I Hate How The Fandom Butchered Her Character As A Whole.

I'm making this post mostly as a reminder to myself To Not Hate Lightbulb because I actually think she's a pretty interesting character, but the way the fandom portrays her kinda ruined my interest for her.

The fandom's portrayal of Lightbulb ultimately just sticks to the nonsensical/silly aspect of her, which is pretty much what Lightbulb didn't want on canon to begin with. Interpretations and all that are understable, but I would like to just point out some things about Lightbulb. She's not just whimsy and sillyness and nonsense, her whole arc is about literally Toxic Positivity, Lack of Compromise, Lack of Leadership skills, Lack of Connection With Others and Unhealthy Copying Mechanisms.

Now Max, what the hell are you talking about? Well.

I personally think that Lightbulb is a genuinely good character. The way she copes with stuff really makes you see that she's really not doing great mentally. Of course, toxic positivity and sillyness may be her way to cope, because if no one sees her being vulnerable, they will never know what may hurt her the most.

I do think that she cared for Marsh in the same way Paintbrush did, but dare I say she also lacks emotional intelligence when it comes to comforting others or accepting those feels. Why talk about them seriously when you can just joke around and make them laugh about the issue? Of course that didn't happen.

Lightbulb has attachment issues, she doesn't want to be left alone, and she doesn't seem to be conscious over the fact that her attitude and way to approach others IS why she never truly got too many significant relationships at all until the very end, only for all of her friends to leave.

Having a "I don't care :]" attitude only did it so much worse for her on an emotional stand point because she ended up caring so SO badly for the remaining members of her group, and when her team was going down, she didn't know what to do or what to say at all. On late s2 she's actually getting the needs of her teammates and their struggles.

But I want to note something here. The reason as to why she "ditched" Test Tube so quickly on the alt dimension ep was because she thought that she found people that got her, people who were going through it but just wanted to keep thinking positively, and at the end of the day, that just doomed her. Because she realized that they weren't like that. She didn't find anyone that got how she felt.

You can only hide so much things with laughs and shenanigans and attitudes and addictions, before you realize that you have to own your mistakes and have to ACTUALLY TRY to be a better person.

Now, I don't think that Lightbulb meant things to go that way.

Thus all of these things are so much sadder when Fan and Test Tube get eliminated and Lightbulb is left alone. For the first time she ACTUALLY tried to let go off her unhealthy copying mechanisms and got close to people and lost them on the process. She lost all of her team because she didn't care seriously enough.

She's alone.

She doesn't like being alone at all.

So she's currently suffering the consequences of her actions.

And she doesn't like being alone.

Lightbulb struggles so SO much with having healthy relationships and healthy connections because she never was honest with herself at all. And when she realized that in order to be close to others, you have to grow and let yourself feel, it was far too late.

Her whole team is gone because of her lack of care for it and how she sucked at being a leader despite being an light to them, her unhealthy copying mechanisms indicate that she's been like that for a long time, and that the attitude she took was in order to cope with things feeling so so bad.

I really want to see what they'll do with her once s2 is back again. But for now, we can only hope so much.

#inanimate insanity #ii #inanimate insanity invitational #ii 2 #ii 3 #inanimate insanity lightbulb #inanimate insanity fan #inanimate insanity paintbrush #inanimate insanity test tube #ii lightbulb #ii fan #ii paintbrush #ii test tube #max overanalyzes characters

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honeybeejam · 4 months

Text

be my mistake: lorenzo berkshire x reader

pairing: guitarist!lorenzo berkshire x gn!hufflepuff!reader, drummer!ex!mattheo riddle x reader

reader’s physical body is never described! there are a few slightly feminine leaning nicknames

synopsis: cruciatus' lead singer ends their relationship with drummer mattheo riddle. In a moment of desperation, the hufflepuff ends up crashing into none other than their best friend (and guitarist) lorenzo berkshire.

warnings: language, 18+, MDNI, smut, praise kink, penetration, m orgasm, reader orgasm, dom! enzo, slight exhibitionism

word count: 2.5k

part of the cruciatus au: nihilist! ep (masterlist coming soon)

“save all the jokes you’re going to make

while i see how much drink i can take

then be my mistake.”

It took six excruciatingly painful days to leave the Hufflepuff dormitories. Susan Bones was the only living soul to see your swollen eyes and tangled hair. She stopped by to drop off meals, water, and occasionally a box of jellybeans or a Dreamless Sleep Potion for comfort. She told you that the Slytherin table was unusually silent at meals and that she hadn’t seen Riddle at all: but it still seemed too soon to leave the comfort of your bed. Too vulnerable.

Rehearsal had gone on without you (with Pansy on vocals for the time being). Cruciatus didn’t have any scheduled performances until the silly Muggle love holiday, so it didn’t really bother the rest of the band. Besides, Pansy told them that you write better lyrics under pressure. The boys were looking to release a new album at the same performance. Perhaps the breakup would be a blessing in disguise.

You, of course, hadn’t written a single thing. You longed to be void of emotion, to enter a state of numbness where those molasses eyes didn’t haunt every beat of your heart. Every breath ached with the phantom pain of bruised ribs - it was more likely pain from heaving. Susan took to turning in your schoolwork when you had the energy to complete it. Being two weeks ahead in every subject had its perks in the long run. Your tear-stained parchment assignments were on par with your grades, but that didn’t mean it was easy.

Venturing into the Hufflepuff Common Room proved a more daunting task than originally anticipated due to the nerves. You only needed to make it to the kitchens. Winky promised a favor last time you comforted her, and you hadn’t eaten a proper meal in days. A quick sprint from the barrels to the portrait of the ticklish pear leaves you vulnerable from all directions, but the hall seemed empty.

Worth the risk, you mused and broke out into a run.

A flash of green. A pained hiss. Two large hands around your waist, and then a familiar groan. Your head hit something firm but comfortable as you let out an abnormally high-pitched squeak. When everything stopped moving, you moved to a sitting position on your fall-breaker, wincing as you saw the familiar deep brown of his eyes and the pain painted across his features.

“Oh, Enzo! I am so so sorry, Merlin’s sake!” you gasped out, scrambling off of him and standing up as you reached out to assess the damage to his head. Your fingers threaded through his silky hair to spot a bump, only pausing when he let out a sigh.

“You’re alright, love. I should be the one apologizing. Now, I need to get off the ground before the others leave the Great Hall. I told them I was too busy to rehearse tonight.” He pushed himself up onto his elbows, accepting your now extended hand. He paused for a moment.

“Would you like to come to the dorms? It would do you well to have some company, and you know we get our own rooms. You could make sure I’m not concussed as well, darling.” He brushed the debris off of his slacks and smiled at you gently.

You pushed aside any feelings of guilt. You no longer “belonged” to Mattheo Riddle. You had every right to spend time with a mutual friend. Especially a mutual band member.

“Sure,” you replied apprehensively, relaxing when you remembered that the others were gone. He grabbed your wrist with ease and led you down the staircase.

Enzo weaved through the crowded Slytherin common room, shooting a glare to anyone who stared a little too hard. It was comforting to see Enzo act protective, since he was such an easygoing person most of the time. He never failed to make you laugh. You wrapped your arms around your center further, ignoring the concern etched into the creases of his glowing skin.

Once you were seated on his four poster, he asked you the long awaited question.

“How are you?”

“That obvious, Enz?” You replied, sighing and spreading out to cover his mattress with every part of your body. “I’m bloody miserable. If Susan reminds me of Slughorn’s essay one more time I might transfigure myself into a giant squid and take over terrorizing the Black Lake. I don’t give a rat’s ass what my Amortentia smells like. Not to mention, I couldn’t write a lyric if I read it from a textbook. I’m supposed to be writing songs about love!” The mattress creaked under your dramatic flailing and created a cacophonous sound. It sounded familiar to how you felt.

“I think you need a nightcap, darling.” Enzo reached under his mattress, coming up with a nearly full bottle of Firewhiskey. “Nott said you haven’t talked to anyone, even Pansy. We know you haven’t been in the Room of Requirement because we practice there, and Susan Bones won’t speak to me. I know you two aren’t together, but what happened?” He passed you the bottle with a grin.

You briefly lifted your head to take a drink, leaning back again as the alcohol burned your throat. You grimaced.

Enzo’s golden brown eyes lit up with pride. “Good job, darling. The first one is always the most difficult. Now tell me.”

A warm feeling crept up from the base of your neck to the tips of your ears, spreading to your chest and causing you to stutter.

“I-uh. I was tired of a-always being - fuck. I was tired of always being.. second choice. He had his toys and his, uh, escapades with you guys. I never got that freedom.”

“Escapades? I don’t recall any escapades.” That head tilt was adorable. Enzo reminded you of a confused puppy.

You sat up fully and took another burning sip of the golden liquid, pausing as it slid down your throat. “Mattheo grew up that beautiful, Enz. Everybody wonders what it’d be like to love him. He must’ve been curious about the other people here. And they’re all practically throwing themselves at him. Something about drummers, I guess.” You automatically assumed he was a cheat. A liar. It was in his blood, was it not?

“I was always jealous of him, you know.”

“To feel so wanted, so seen? I can’t imagine it’s easy. It’s all lust. I’d take that over having his father any day, though,” you babbled to fill the silence, not expecting to be interrupted.

“I was jealous because he had you.”

Oh. You chose to remain quiet at that, waiting for him to speak up again.

“I think I was angry because Riddle never considered how lucky he was,” Enzo said quietly. “That git lost something special.”

You scoffed at that, hiding behind the bottle in your hands as defense.

“Hilarious, Lorenzo. Save the jokes though, please?”

“I’m not joking.” He grabbed your chin, tilting it up as he took the bottle out of your hands. He placed it up to your mouth, tipping it to encourage you to drink. You did, stopping after a few gulps to hiccup violently. You giggled at yourself and looked to Enzo for a reaction. He seemed dazed, distracted almost. Then he spoke quickly, like he was trying to push something out of his mind.

“Let’s fuck things up.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Riddle fucked up the friend group, so let’s make it worse. Be my mistake, darling.”

You took another drink. It couldn’t hurt. It could destroy several friendships and relationships. It would definitely tear the band apart. It was irrational, irresponsible. Childish, even.

In the moment, though, Lorenzo Berkshire had never looked more enticing. You decided to test the waters.

“He’s always so busy, Enz. I get so lonely.” You looked up at him through your eyelashes, tears threatening to spill. “His eyes were always so dark and so empty. I never knew what he was feeling. I just wanted him to want me.” Honesty, vulnerability. You trusted Enzo with everything, and he held that trust close to his heart.

“I want you,” he whispered, looking at you with those same glazed over eyes.

“I need you,” you whispered back. He watched you set down the bottle of Firewhiskey.

“Nox.” The room went dark, and you felt a hand on the small of your back. He used his other hand to grasp the back of your neck, guiding your lips toward his.

You hummed with content at the feeling of his plush lips, hearing him harmonize with a deeper groan as he broke away to breathe. He pressed on your chest lightly to encourage you to lie down.

⚠️ smut below

“So pretty, little songbird. Look at you, all cute and needy,” he placed his hand on your cheek, cupping lightly. “Open.”

As if you were locked in a trance, your lips parted. Your tongue slid out to catch his pointer and middle finger, swirling around the digits. You bobbed your head slightly, watching his smile brighten and the tips of his ears turn red. Even with his fingers in your mouth, he was still nervous.

“I have you baby,” he spoke gently as you tried to get his attention. His fingers left your mouth with a ‘pop’. He traced them down your chin and past your neck to your collar. His arms lifted to gently push your sleeves aside.

Lorenzo laughed at your squirming figure below him. If he were truly a bad person, your scantily clad image would already be in Mattheo’s text messages. Not only was Lorenzo a good person, he was also a possessive person. And Mattheo had forfeited the gentle Hufflepuff as soon as she had ended things. “I would show you off, you know. You deserve that.” He helped you remove the rest of your outfit, leaving you in underwear. You tugged at his shirt needily, breathing heavy. He chuckled. “Can I make you feel good?”

You could only respond with frantic nods, beginning to get frustrated at his amused expression. He traced his long fingers along your waist, stopping to push and pull fabric until your lower half was exposed. The dark green bedsheets below you had deepened several shades, and your face followed suit.

“Out of breath, pretty baby? … This early? It’s okay, I’m gonna take care of you. You’re so wet for me.”

He quickly removed his shirt and dived back in to you, pulling your underwear past your ankles. He traced his fingers back up your calves and thighs, his breath hitting your lower stomach.

You were more of a lyricist than a musician. Although you could play a few instruments, Draco and Theo had melodies pouring from their wands with ease.

You think, however, that a song about pure bliss would feel like this moment.

Nothing but the sound of you panting as your best friend plays you like his guitar. Every twitch of his fingers made your breath halt for a moment.

“All mine. I’m gonna treat you so well, show you off to everyone.” He whispered into your skin. “Make you moan my name so loud that you can’t go on stage.”

You whimpered desperately, bucking your hips up toward him. He finally gave in. You felt the pressure of his tongue as you closed your eyes, stars exploding in your vision. You lost control of your voice, blacking out slightly.

When you came down from your high, you noticed a heavy feeling on your tongue. Although slightly dazed from cumming so hard, you could still tell what it was. You felt Lorenzo push his cock further into your mouth. You looked up at him sweetly, compliantly. If he made you feel so good, it was only fair that you returned the favor. He fucked your throat gently, careful not to hurt you. He might have deemed you his toy, but you couldn’t afford to lose your voice.

“Look at you, all cock drunk. Gonna write a song about how much better I fuck your throat than your little drummer boyfriend?” He stilled at the vibrations from your moans, feeling you twitch beneath him. He pulled his cock out of your throat and positioned himself above you.

“Look at me, Y/N.” You met his syrupy sweet eyes. “Can you tell me what you need from me, darling?”

“Need you to fuck me, Enz,” you replied immediately. “Wanna feel you inside me, want you to fuck some good ideas into my head.”

That was all he needed to push into you with force, letting out a loud and drawn out moan as he bottomed out. He took hold of your hands as he began to thrust.

“So good,” He gripped both sides of your waist firmly as he fucked into you, lifting your hips into the air. You felt yourself slipping again. He never let up pace as you approached climax. He was practically manhandling you as he pulled your hips back repeatedly, watching your eyes roll back. You could never get there by yourself, but by some divine power, Lorenzo Berkshire had you screaming and jerking violently. You felt him shudder as he slowed to a stop, his own release spilling into you. He let you ride out your orgasm before he dropped you onto the bed, curling up to you and wrapping him arms around your limp figure. He faced you, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“You did so good for me.” He watched you smile lazily, barely noticing footsteps until the doorknob was twisting and he was whispering the Disillusionment Charm on your body shoved under the duvet.

Mattheo and Theo walked into the dorm, both clearly intoxicated. They walked over to the opposite side of the room in search of something. If they noticed Enzo at all, they didn’t acknowledge it.

You pressed a kiss to Enzo’s inner thigh, listening to his breathing change as you brought your mouth closer to him.

Mistakes were more fun than you thought.

#harry potter #harry potter x reader #enzo berkshire x you #enzo berkshire #lorenzo berkshire x you #lorenzo berkshire x reader #enzo berkshire x reader #lorenzo berkshire #slytherin boys #slytherin #mattheo riddle imagine #mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo riddle

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everydayyoulovemeless · 26 days

Note

Oooh you do yandere stuff?? Can I please have something for yandere Joshua Graham, either headcanons or the alphabet would be great!

Yandere Joshua Alphabet

➼ Word Count » 1.7k ➼ Warnings » yandere themes ➼ Genre » Romantic, Yandere

Affection - How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Joshua shows his affection through how he shelters you. He hates it when you leave the camp without him, and does everything he can to ensure you won't end up being a target for the White Legs or any other Legionary assassin that may come for him again. He's fully aware of the influence Ceasar has and would take this aspect of your relationship very seriously. You won't leave without someone else going with you. He simply won't allow it.

Blood - How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

In a normal relationship, Joshua would be more hesitant to show how violent he can get. But, in this situation, all the drive to hide who he really is goes out the window. He's willing to go as far as he needs to when it comes to you. Anyone necessary. The tribals, your companions, and even Daniel. He'd slaughter them all if it meant you'd be safe. He'd even do it in front of you.

Cruelty - How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

No. He thinks it's rude. It's not your fault that you aren't as experienced as he is. In fact, the whole reason he'd abduct you is to be able to keep a better eye on you. Making fun of you for something that was inevitably going to happen isn't something he's prone to doing.

Darling - Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

He's going to have you baptized, whether you want to or not, but besides that, he wouldn't dream of forcing you to do anything you didn't want to.

Exposed - How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

There are times when it feels as if you don't even know the man. He's quiet and incredibly closed off, even to you. He'll try to discreetly tell you about himself through bible verses or poetic words, but other than that, he's not jumping for you to learn about his past with the Legion any time soon. He wants you to love and trust him, not despise him.

Fight - How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He understands it. This world is harsh, of course, your instinct is to fight him. However, after the first week of staying with him, he hopes you’ll calm down and finally just accept that you’ll never get away from him.

Game - Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

He won’t. If you try and escape the humble home he’s managed to set up for you both in Zion, he’s going to be upset. Even with all the knowledge he’s told you about the White Legs and all those around who want to hurt you, and you still want to try your luck? He’ll be disappointed, to say the least. He expects you to have more instinct than that.

Hell - What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

He's always taken his philosophies seriously, even when he was in the Legion. So, if he ever overhears you saying something he deems to be blasphemous towards his religion, you're going to have a very hard time calming him down. He'll force you to pray out loud to the Lord and ask for forgiveness until he's satisfied. It doesn't matter to him if it takes hours, he refuses to let you be shunned to Hell for a sorry mistake such as the one you committed. What kind of husband would he be if he didn't seek to save you from God's wrath?

Ideals - What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

If he had it his way, you’d be the perfect housewife, staying home to cook and clean while he went out and did whatever. Some Legion habits never left him, and coming back to a loving spouse who’s prepared to comply with his every whim is one of them. Just the perfect nuclear family.

Jealousy - Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

He gets very quiet when he's jealous, preferring to be silent rather than blatantly lashing out at whoever is triggering these feelings. He thinks it's stupid that he gets so upset at the tribals for simply being around you. It's not like you'd leave him - not like you could - so why is he so stressed? He'll pray and go on walks to try and combat his jealousy, it's one of the only things he actively tries to work on.

Kisses - How do they act around or with their darling?

He acts as any spouse would. He kisses you on your hands or on your cheeks to greet you, rests a gentle hand on your lower back when you're near him, and does everything he can to take care of you.

Love letters - How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

As he believes any man should: with trinkets and thought-out dates. He wants to court you the right way, even if you’re aware from the start that you’ve got no other choice other than to accept his advances.

Mask - Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

On the outside it doesn’t appear as if anything has changed, however he feels different. There’s an urge now, something that tells him to kill. He’s felt it before during his peak in the Legion, but now it’s come back and he’s not sure what else to do than to quench the thirst of fear that floods him by ensuring your safety. Maybe it’s God's will that’s enforcing him to protect you.

Naughty - How would they punish their darling?

He’d shout and maybe grab your face, but he couldn’t imagine going any farther than that. If he wants to get his point across then he’ll just let you feel the raw fear that getting chased by Legionaries gives you (only once, he doesn’t want you to be actually harmed), but enough to get you to listen.

Oppression - How many rights would they take away from their darling?

He’ll take away your right to leave the tribes camp, your right to your weapons, your right to your opinions, your right of religion - there’s not much he doesn’t have control over.

Patience - How patient are they with their darling?

Joshua thinks he's patient, but he has a clear temper. He'll be kind one moment then angry the next. Although he does his best to not take it out on you, it's still terrifying to witness. Sometimes you wonder if it'd just be best to listen and avoid his fits altogether...

Quit - If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

No, he’s got it in his mind that God assigned him specifically to defend you and keep you safe, so if he ever were to fail that, he’d feel as if he were betraying the Lord's trust.

Regret - Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

How could he? You're better off this way. He's sworn to care for your every need. He'll feed you, give you access to water, cloth you, comfort you, bleed for you, house you - why should he feel guilty about doing you a favor? For loving you?

Stigma - What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Joshua has always had this need to worship in his life. It could be seen with how devoted he was to the Legion and the will of Caesar, then with God, and now with you. There's a primal urge within him to commit himself to wherever he feels most desired, and that just happened to be you.

Tears - How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

It shatters him, especially if you're acting like this because of something he did. He'll sit beside your curled-up form and whisper Bible verses and scriptures as a way to encourage and reassure you.

Unique - Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Vice - What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

His religion is a massive weak point, and if you can somehow convince him that it was God's will for you to go elsewhere, he may just let you go. Granted, you'd have to be really good at persuading people. He's a logical man and won't just take your word for it so easily.

Wit’s end - Would they ever hurt their darling?

Not intentionally, but sometimes he forgets his own strength when it comes to handling you. He likes to brush it under the rug though, best not to think about it.

Xoanon - How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

In his mind, he's already won you over. Of course, he'll still go through the process of romancing you and won't ever stop doing that, but his delusions tell him that you've already fallen for him. One thing about Joshua, however, is that he almost sees you as a second Christ. If you ask him to do something, he'll do it no questions asked. But, in the same sense, he's paranoid that you'll be crucified just like the Lord and is constantly looking out for that certain 'Judas' that will betray you.

Yearn - How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Like a day. The second he feels different around you compared to others, he's got it in his head that you're a divine being or, at the very least, someone God wanted him to meet.

Zenith - Would they ever break their darling?

He hopes to 'break you in' to his way of life, but he hopes that it won't have to be violent or over the top in any way. He's certain you'll come around to his way of thinking soon enough, even if you need a little shove.

#fallout new vegas #fnv #joshua graham x reader #joshua graham x courier six #joshua fnv #joshua graham fnv #joshua graham #yandere joshua graham #joshua graham headcanons #yandere fallout #yandere fallout new vegas #joshua graham x courier 6 #joshua x courier #yandere alphabet

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another-goblin · 23 days

Text

How Aventurine would process their relationship. Just some fun options to explore. I do ship them, but it will work with them being just friends. (I wrote "just friends" and realized that it would probably be the first time for both of them to have an actual friend, so there is no "just" here.)

1. I can see him possessing enough emotional intelligence to realize what's going on and allow himself to accept Ratio's care and reciprocate his feelings. It's quite a nice and comforting option to explore. It can happen immediately after 2.1 or slowly, with them continuing to work together or hanging out from time to time. It's nice to see that like 95% of all the post-2.1 arts of them are examples of this (it doesn't mean that I don't love the remaining 5% btw).

He might also see it as a giant gamble. ("For the first time in my adult life I allow myself to be so emotionally vulnerable, opening myself to get really hurt, but the risk is worth it.")

2. He said something about only seeing friends as tools. I think he often uses his charm and wits to win people over, to make them act in his interests, to make them think that they actually like him. As a kind of subconscious self-defense mechanism, he would convince himself that Ratio only acts this way according to his own cunning manipulations and should be discarded after he'd outlived his usefulness. (cue angst)

3. Psychological problems. There is a whole sad collection to choose from, all deep-seated and subconcious. Mistaking Ratio's care for pity and getting offended by it. Feeling like he's not worthy of love. "I suffered alone my whole life, where have you been all this time, now it's too late, I don't need you anymore". And countless others. There's no way he's ever going to therapy, so they'll have to sort it out by themselves.

4. The most delicious option (and by that I mean SUFFERING *looks at two previous options* that is, MORE SUFFERING). A big part of his survivor's guilt is the supersticious idea that he owes his luck to his family's death. The only people he ever cared about and who ever cared about him died because of it. Being close to somebody means danger to them.

He knows that Ratio wouldn't accept his superstition based concerns. So the only way to save him is to hurt him emotionally to drive him away.

But. What if Aventurine overcomes it and discards all these supersticious concerns (as he should). They get closer. And then Ratio does get hurt. It's serious, like, he's in the hospital, he lost an arm, something like that.

Imagine Aventurine's panic: "I brought it on him, I couldn't protect him, the only way to save him from worse is to leave him forever, immediately." And Ratio, recovering from a devastating injury, the first time in his life when he needs (and expects) support - he's abandoned.

It would probably crush his underlying philosophy of doing big good things for humanity (the way he cured that terrible disease, resolved the universal energy crisis, and is currently spreading education because he thinks that humanity is worthy of it). I mean, it's easy to care about humanity from afar, detached from it. It's much harder when your first attempt at a personal relationship ends in devatating pain.

#my stuff #dr ratio #aventurine #ratiorine #aventio #raturine

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teratophilia · 15 days

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Another bit of personal experience with NPD: de-intensifying thoughts.

You're probably going to have more luck with this in professional psychiatric setting because this entire process works better in guided and controlled environment, but it isn't necessary. Personally, I have a good amount of self-control and that helps. It might not work for you, just keep in mind there are other methods out there.

The idea is in diminishing intensity of emotions, thoughts, and conclusions once you notice that you're hit by a strong feeling or conviction:

"Everyone loves me" -> "There are people who love me and there are people who don't love me. There's also a great chunk of people who don't know me and it's illogical to expect them to like me without meeting/knowing me."

"Everyone hates me" -> "There are people who dislike me, but there are also people who cherish and love me. I am not worthless just because someone dislikes me."

"I failed at XYZ, which means I can't ever do anything right" -> "Failure is part of the process. The greatest minds of our generation had mistakes, bad days, poorly accepted art, etc. I am not talentless just because of one mistake."

"I haven't gotten supply in a while, I have to leave" -> "They might not know that I need attention as I didn't make it explicit. I can initiate spending time together or directly tell them I need to hear XYZ. I am not being fair."

"X disagrees with me, meaning their opinion is worthless" -> "They might disagree with me, but it doesn't mean they have no worth. If anything, someone willing to healthily debate with me is a person worthy of respect".

"Only MY opinion matters" -> "Actually, it will be really embarrassing if I end up being wrong. Very few opinions are worth dying on that hill. Keeping middle ground and establishing reasons why I lean towards X and not Y might be the best option".

"I have shown vulnerability, which means they see me as weak" -> "Most people do not consider vulnerabilty a weakness. In fact, me showing my true emotions most likely made them proud of me. I do not have to continue opening up if I'm uncomfortable, but it isn't a mistake that I did".

And so on. The hardest part is going to be to catch the emotion when it comes over. I don't have advice on how to become more mindful aside from actively paying attention to how you feel over the course of the day/week/month, etc. Maybe journal or create mind maps for your feelings. Whatever works for you, really.

This is loosely based around the general logic behind transference focused psychotherapy, which is something that can be used for treating NPD, as I recently learned. I am not a psychiatrist and my therapy is self-applied. With that being said, do your homework and don't trust me blindly.

P.S. Yet again, this is not universal advice so use your brain.

#𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐍𝐎𝐖: 📡#npd #actually npd #actually narcissistic #narcissistic personality disorder #narc safe #npd safe #npd advice

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tobiasdrake · 8 days

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Thinking about redemption yesterday got me thinking about fallen heroes today, and how rare it is to see a character initially painted as a hero be driven to heinousness for legitimate reasons.

Often times, if a hero goes bad, it's because of an external force corrupting their mind. Or it's a misunderstanding and they were secretly still good all along. Or they were just having a rough day and they'll be good again in five minutes.

We rarely see get to see heroes go sour purely on their own merits. Maybe because their values weren't so benign as they'd seemed when pushed to a natural conclusion. Maybe because they expected too much of themselves or of others. Or maybe personal experience taught them to believe something else.

Whatever the case, as often as writers will attempt to examine the transformative power of better angels, we rarely get to see the transformative power of worse devils.

Which brings me to....

Sayaka Miki is a character that holds a special place in my heart, not for overcoming her flaws but for being consumed by them. She's a cautionary tale into the perils of righteousness.

I need to preface this by bringing up that the characters of Madoka Magica are children. They're irrational, judgmental, ignorant of risk, and quick to throw themselves into horrible mistakes with absolute confidence. Because they're children. That's how this works. The villain of the series is a psychological predator who feeds on the impulsivity and poor judgment of youth, grooming them into self-destruction.

The entire system of Magical Girls exists to give these children enough rope to hang themselves with and then to kick the ladder out from under them. That is the plot, with Sayaka being the primary means by which the show demonstrates the complete journey from rope to ladder.

I just. I need you to understand that even at her worst, Sayaka is a victim of predatory incentives and calculated coercions meant to cultivate her worst traits while stripping her of hopes and dreams. To drown her in mistakes she could never take back. She didn't have the life experience to know better. That's why her predator targets children.

Sayaka's rope is woven from virtuous self-image. It's not immediately apparent when we meet her, but Sayaka's fatal flaw is ego. Her moral compass is wound extremely tight, and it's only later that we realize it's wound around her neck.

Like many children, Sayaka is trying on an identity moreso than expressing her inner self. She wants to be altruistic. She wants to be selfless. She wants to be a true hero. She wants to live by nothing more than high-minded ideals, expecting no reward for her efforts (but receiving it all the same).

She wants to be the kind of person that Mami was.

But she has no idea who Mami was. She wasn't there to see Mami fracture. To see her break down in vulnerability and express the isolating misery she lives in.

Sayaka didn't see that. She only saw how cool Mami looked when she was killing Witches. So when she tries on an identity, she's specifically trying on the identity of Mami - blissfully unaware that her interpretation of Mami was nothing but a mask. She is emulating the behavior of a victim already consumed by the predatory incentives she's accepting.

Sayaka was doomed from the moment she made her wish.

Once again, the show does a brilliant job of concealing this at first. Right off the bat, it's easy for Sayaka to be the hero. She saves both her BFFs Madoka and Hitomi from a Witch in her debut adventure, before being immediately thrust into a moral argument that's super easy for her to win.

This is what a hero looks like! Should we stand by and let monsters eat people YES/NO

Sayaka says no. Sayaka says letting monsters eat people is bad. Solid Bioware-level moral dilemma she's got here. Sayaka won +10 Paragon points for the choices she picked out of this conversation tree, lemme tell you!

Moments like this work to disguise what's going on here with Sayaka. Obviously Sayaka's making good choices and doing the right thing when the alternative is Kyoko going "Want me to break your crush's limbs so he needs you for life support?" That's awful, so since Sayaka's against it then that means she must be right. Right?

Kyoko is the devil. Sayaka is the paragon.

But this is a story about nuanced and complex people. Sayaka isn't that person. Sayaka likes the idea of being that person. She's being dishonest - With herself, with others around her, and with the universe.

She's trying on an identity, not fully understanding who she really is or what her limitations are.

Incidentally, so is Kyoko, which is what makes their Yin and Yang dichotomy so potent. Having never been tested like this before, Sayaka is more selfish than she truly understands - While Kyoko, damaged by trauma, is more selfless than she wants to believe.

The thing Sayaka doesn't quite grasp is that, to an extent, it's okay to be selfish. It's okay to want things for yourself. Again, the identity she's trying to live up to was a lie to begin with. She only saw the mask; Never the humanity underneath. So she fails to recognize her own humanity; Her own needs and wants and desires.

She imprisons her own mind in a cage of altruism.

Sayaka is warned multiple times against spending her wish on another person. But she doesn't understand the perils of it. She lacks the necessary perspective to grasp the level of sacrifice she's making. (Because she is a child. I cannot stress this point enough.)

When she makes her wish, Sayaka wants her sacrifice reciprocated. She wants to be rewarded. But she doesn't want to want that. She wants to be the selfless hero for Kyosuke. To silently grant him a miracle because it's the right thing to do for her friend. But she expects, without consciously thinking about it, that the universe will deliver her nice things because she is good.

But life doesn't work like that. It doesn't give you things you aren't willing to reach for. Sayaka said she just wanted him to be happy. She just wanted to help people. She just wanted to dedicate her life to virtue and altruism, with no wants or needs or desires of her own.

Kyoko was being cruel and unfeeling when she suggested crippling Kyosuke; She was trying to express a mask of selfishness, the same way Sayaka's been trying to express a mask of selflessness. But she wasn't the only person telling Sayaka that it was a mistake to do this. She's just the only person who said it after the fact.

So the universe calls her bluff. While Sayaka waits for her sacrifices to be rewarded, fracturing more and more from learning what those sacrifices truly entail, someone else claims her prize. The work gets harder, not just physically but emotionally. And she only gets what she asked for. Nothing more.

This is what a hero looks like. She wanted to be Mami.

Remind me. What was Mami's reward for her sacrifices?

Oh. Yeah. That's right.

The thing of it is, there is a reward for a Magical Girl's sacrifices. There is a prize you're meant to receive for the unjust hardships and self-destruction that you're volunteering to undertake.

It's the fucking wish.

That she, in her righteousness, gave away.

Sayaka's rope is woven from virtuous self-image. Her fatal flaw is ego. She was undone by arrogance expressed in ignorance, not of glory the way we often think of egotistic people, but of righteousness. She held herself to a standard no reasonable person could ever live up to, and it crushed her as it came crashing down.

And yet, she was a victim all the same. Because she was walked, hand-in-hand, to that pier by a predator. Children are meant to learn from their mistakes. Not to die for them.

#puella magi madoka magica #sayaka miki

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