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toji-girl · 3 months

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got you | t. fushiguro

synopsis: Being an assassin means you don't have much time to yourself and that you're a strong person, but how strong are you really when it comes to Toji?

wc: 3.4k

tags: 18+ ONLY content + minors and empty blogs DNI + fem reader + modern au (no curses) + Toji is a politician + blow job + pussy eating + unprotected sex + creampie + fingering + slight dom! Toji + spitting in mouth + cum eating + bondage with his belt + he might be ooc + alcohol but no one is drunk + overstimulation + this is Halloween based (it's my favorite) + talks about murder + hard degradation + any missing tag pretty please lmk, I did edit it but I am human so I might've accidentally forgotten something!!

AN: I posted this on my very first blog which was four years ago give or take and this has been rotting in my docs for such a long time so I cleaned it up and dusted it off!! so if you notice any differences just know it's very old!!

You looked in the mirror adjusting your dress that sported a thigh-high slit along with the lace garter that held a small dagger you were to use on your target, Toji Fushiguro.

After grueling hours reading about him you felt like you knew him well enough to gather his attention, his sadism and arrogance would make this easy for you. You grabbed your tube of lipstick swiping it over your lips to complete the look for the evening.

Tonight’s the night of some Halloween party that Toji’s friends were throwing a party of the sort so you snagged a date with your co-worker Satoru who walked out of the bathroom wearing a three-piece suit that fit the bill, he looked you up and down slowly with a smile.

“Toji won’t be able to resist you in that.” He commented adjusting his tie, a sly smile played on your lips as you looked back in the mirror smoothing the dress down and feeling a flutter of butterflies flap in your belly.

A huge payload was promised if you could actually get the job done, Toji knew that a price tag hung on his head but he’s very cunning and swift on his feet and incredibly smart which drew you to the job in the first place because you’re just the same, if not even better.

You grabbed the lace masquerade mask and tied it around your head.

“Are you ready Satoru?” He nodded his head and you followed him out of the hotel room towards the elevator where you two rode down, as soon as you stepped into the lobby your senses were on high alert, being an assassin never ended, and neither did living in hotels or unfavorable places to make sure you got your job done.

He opened the limo door for you so you slid in first followed by Satoru. Thankfully the ride went silent as you thought of your plan on how to seduce him, once you got a few plans mastered you put on a bright smile when you stepped out of the limo. Satoru held your hand while you carefully avoided any pictures being taken of you.

“Why not just sneak through the back?” You asked annoyed with the flashing and loud crowd of people.

“Because you don’t just sneak into a Ball at the Fushiguro’s,” Satoru said still smiling, you rolled your eyes and then finally reached the top of the stairs where two guards wearing white tuxedos opened the door so two could step in making sure no unfavorable people were trying to sneak in.

Classical music could be heard from almost every corner and people dressed in all sorts of classy costumes walked around making you pat yourself on the back for not choosing something flashy like them, the last thing you wanted was more than just your target's attention.

Satoru led you further inside until you found him.

He stood closer to the corner with a glass in his hand, you sucked in a breath not realizing how handsome Toji really is, sure you’d seen pictures of him at a far distance when you stalked him to gather more information but seeing him this close made something deep inside you clench, Satoru took notice and walked towards Toji and the group of men, this isn’t the time to get all flustered and embarrass yourself you thought so you put on a dazzling smile.

“Satoru! How have you been?” Toji asked when we got closer and that’s when you noticed the small dark red devil horns nestled in his dark hair, oh fuck. His teeth shone when he talked and you could see his sharp canines gleaming under the light and that scar held a story you wanted to read.

“I’ve been doing good, work keeps me busy. And you?” You stopped listening to the conversation and looked around silently then Toji turned his attention to you.

“And what’s your name beautiful?” It took everything inside of you not to roll your eyes, you gave him your name which he repeated. He took one of your hands shooting a bolt of electricity down your arm and straight to the pool of desire, he kissed the back of your hand and smirked at you, his emerald eyes trained on your face.

Pulling your hand away you tucked it behind Satoru and smiled warmly. “I’m going to go get something to drink.” You whispered in his ear, he nodded and you left the group and walked around the dance floor straight to the bar where you got a flute of champagne leaving it in your hands, turning around you watched people slow dance and giggle, clutching the flute harder in your grasp you made conversation with the man next to you so you didn’t seem too suspicious.

Part of your brain listened to the man nodding and responding when it was appropriate and the other part on high alert and that’s when you saw Toji dancing with a woman dressed similar to you, his hand dangerously low on her back.

He whispered something in her making her giggle as she threw her head back. Rolling your eyes you walked around looking for Satoru to see him buried in his mission, he stood next to a gorgeous blonde sweet-talking her so you busied yourself by going back to the bar to grab another flute.

“Might want to take it easy,” Toji said next to you suddenly, looking over you saw the evil grin on his face while he leaned over the bar, he gripped a glass of what’s probably whiskey in his hands, his thumb rubbing the edge.

An image of his thumb rubbing something else popped into your mind.

“It’s not like I’m driving tonight.” You countered taking a sip.

“Well, how about a dance then?” He asked straightening up, he abandoned his glass and held his hand out for you to grab, the pulsing need for him took over your body, but he didn’t let on he knew as he tugged you to the dance floor.

A soft classical song began to play as his hand rested on the small of your back, his other hand held your hand in the air while your other hand rested on the back of his neck, and his soft hair tickled your hand. “I didn’t think a man like you would have music like this.” You said out loud, Toji cocked his head and looked at you.

“A man like me?” He quipped.

“You know, political. Usually, those types get caught with their hands in the cookie jar so to say, so something this beautiful to be played in unheard of.” You replied with a snarky smile.

“A cookie jar, huh? I usually prefer,” He leaned closer and whispered in your ear, “a skirt, or a dress. It doesn’t matter to me.” He pulled away gauging your reaction which disappointed him a bit.

“Also, classical music is said to be the perfect genre to commit murder, and what’s better to have a murder on Halloween?” He raised an eyebrow and that’s when you realized that he had moved you two closer to the edge of the dance floor, just as the crescendo sounded he pulled your leg up, holding it against his waist, and he let go of your hand, then he grabbed the back of your thigh, once he felt the small dagger he clicked his tongue.

“What a sad attempt but let’s make a deal.” He mused grinning.

Those devil horns suited him.

“A deal?”

You couldn’t believe you were caught, a wave of disappointment and anger washed over you, all the training and recon had failed.

“You come to my room and I won’t kill you.” He offered with a smile.

A laugh bubbled from your lips, “Are you serious Fushiguro? Now that you know I’m here to kill you is that where you really want to go?”

“Yes, and I know it’s where you want to go as well. As soon as I saw you I could almost smell your arousal, that sweet scent settled over me. Think of it as bloodlust but remove the blood, unless that’s something you're into?”

“Cocky for a man who’s about to die.” You shot back, he let go of your leg and turned to a hallway close to where you two stood.

“Mhm?” He nodded his head, looking around the room you followed him down the hall, your high heels clicking against the marble floor. After passing a few doors he stopped abruptly and opened the door to reveal a large bedroom, he walked in and you followed.

As soon as he shut the door he removed his jacket, “In exchange for your life you’ll let me have you for the night, sound good?” He asked while unbuttoning the cuffs on his wrists to roll the white sleeve to his elbows which only made him ten times more attractive, he looked at you like a lion, and you were the antelope.

Lust flared up licking your body as you shed your mission of the night all though you knew what was to come but you wanted this just as bad as Toji did as well, you’re one of the most beautiful women he’s ever seen.

“Just for one night?” You asked looking around the room as Toji nodded.

After the agreement you wasted no time closing the distance between you, his arms wrapped around your back while yours went around his neck, his lips met yours hungrily, nothing about this was romantic or sweet and it wasn’t like you wanted to make love with him.

You opened your mouth fully expecting to meet Toji’s tongue but instead, you felt his lips still pressed together. You pulled away seeing your lipstick smeared against his mouth, a deep dark red staining his pale flesh.

His thumb jerked against your bottom lip, “What a pretty color. I want to see it around my dick.” His voice was laced with a husky drawl.

His vulgar words sent another bolt of hunger through you, and without a second thought you sunk to your knees on the hard floor, Toji stood over six feet so he craned his head to watch as you undid his belt, then unbuttoned and unzipped his slacks, pulling them down to his knees watching as you palmed his erection, his cock long and thick, when he jerked his boxers down your eyes and mouth went slack.

“Be careful, with an open mouth like that you might attract flies.” He teased, opening your mouth more you sucked in the engorged head and licked, at first you focused on the tip but soon his entire length disappeared in your mouth, his moans rang heavenly in your ear as you pulled back but his hands grabbed a fistful of your hair ultimately ruining the style you worked on and removing your masquerade mask but at this point, you didn’t care.

With a thrust of his hips, you were swallowing him whole making you begin to gag and try to breathe, “Through your nose.” Toji commented watching you struggle, you inhaled and exhaled against his skin as his sack rested against your throat.

“Good girl.” He praised in a sweet voice, your head began to bob up and down but it wasn’t fast enough for Toji so he stopped you and started to throat fuck you, tears mixed with mascara streamed down your face giving Toji a sick satisfaction so much that his breathy moans kicked up a notch and so did his words.

“Such a good little cock sucker.”

Wet gagging reverberated throughout the room as you deep-throated him nuzzling your nose in the curly hair surrounding the base of his cock that hit the back of your throat leaving a bulge straining against the flesh.

You worked your mouth over him kissing down the length of him before kissing his heavy and swollen sack that throbbed as you rolled it between your hands gently while sucking the swollen tip sultry.

Between the warm tight confine of your throat and the tears, he felt his orgasm coming hot and ready, and his cum spewing in your mouth, just as you were about to swallow he withdrew from you.

“Open.” Opening your mouth he smiled seeing his cum on your tongue, leaning down he spit in your mouth which only amped his satisfaction up by a few more notches.

“Swallow like the little cum slut you are.”

With no choice, you swallowed and it wasn’t like he was wrong.

He pulled you away by your hair and helped you up to your feet quickly.

You wiped your swollen lips, Toji watched in primal interest, “Now it’s my turn to taste that sweet cunt.” He looked at the bed, turning around you walked over to it and sat down on the edge letting him push you on your back and sink to his knees where he opened your legs then he inhaled deeply and growled.

His fingers hooked in your panties and tore them from your body drawing a protest from your lips.

“Ah, ah, ah. Remember that you’re mine for the night.” Toji reminded you when you sat up ready to chastise him for doing so.

He was quick to bury his nose against your cunt, his tongue darted out licking a wide stripe over you. He hooked his arms under and over your thighs pulling you closer to the edge, his expert tongue found your clit teasing and sucking, and the warmth spread over you like a blanket.

“Toji!” You whined, hearing his name spill from your pretty mouth made his cock stiffen again, to him you were the sweetest fruit he’s ever tasted before and he wanted more so he thrust two fingers inside, and instantly your walls sucked him in deeper.

You moaned feeling your orgasm about to rip you apart, with the final thrust of his fingers you came on his tongue which only served to embarrass you more coming so soon and Toji couldn’t get enough so he kept lapping at you.

“Wait-Oh God-I’m too sensitive!” You cried but it fell on deaf ears as Toji circled your swollen clit, his fingers found your g-spot and rubbed bringing you yet again to another earth-shattering climax.

Sure you’ve had plenty of orgasms with other partners and yourself but being with Toji filled a hole in you that you never knew you needed, he brought two eye-crossing orgasms to you in less than three minutes. He tasted you again, his cock so stiff that it hurt, it began to throb and leak pre-cum all over his floor.

“One more time, yeah? Cum for me again and I’ll fuck that stupid sweet little hole of yours.” Toji said, to you, it almost sounded like he was begging to taste you again so you opened your legs further apart, the overstimulation began to blur the line between pain and pleasure while he brought you to your third orgasm.

A scream tore from your throat and your toes curled, Toji pulled away and licked his lips cleaning the remains of your cum. “Scoot back,” He demanded roughly.

He laid on top of you using his hands on either side of your head to hold his weight up, a split second later he thrust his cock inside of you.

A moan spilled from his lips, he’s been with other women but something about you brought him to the edge, your body responded to his so well and you’re so tight that he had to pull out and ease back in, using one hand he ripped the front of your dress down freeing both breasts with a deep grunt, even your tits are perfect to him.

He palmed the supple flesh and leaned down to suck your nipple in his warm wet mouth, he had to break the eye contact otherwise he’d want to keep you here a lot longer than one night. His pace switched between fast and slow stoking the fire deep in both of your bellies, his hair tickled you while he moaned against your breast, slick flesh slapping against flesh, and loud moans drowned out the music that poured from under the door, pants and heavy breathing roared in your ear.

“You feel so fucking good.” He muttered.

“You’re my little-damn it-slut, huh?”

“I’m going to fuck you stupid.”

He gasped when your walls contracted around his cock.

“Yes, that’s it. You feel fanfuckingtastic.”

He panted in your ear, you gripped his shoulders and felt your fourth orgasm rise, both of you grunted as you creamed around his cock leaving a creamy ring that twitched finally as he came, seeing stars behind his eyelids filling you to the brim with hot thick cum.

“Fuck,” He panted but he wasn’t done. He pulled out of you watching the pearly essence drip from you in globs that stained his silk sheets.

“Hands and knees.” He demanded.

“My dress.” You replied because you didn’t want to ruin it, he got off the bed and began to tug the fabric off tearing it at the seams.

“Toji!” You cried angrily.

“I’ll buy you a new one.” He grunted, he took his white button-up off leaving both of you naked, as he stared down at your body and he couldn’t stop the words that spilled from his mouth.

“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, damn.” His compliment made your cheeks flush with a heat and your hands went to cover your breasts.

“No, don’t,”

He wasn’t one to give out compliments but with you, something inside him snapped turning him into a different person.

You watch him walk over to his pants and grabbed his belt, once you got in the position he got behind you. He fisted his cock and ran it up and down your slit gathering a mix of yours and his cum, eliciting a moan from you as you tried to push back against him.

“Lay down and put your hands behind your back.” Following his instructions, you lay face down and put your arms behind your back. Toji wrapped his belt around your wrists making makeshift handcuffs, he pulled back and thrust inside of you.

Both of you cried out in pure bliss.

“You’re such a good girl taking me like this and listening to me.” He grunted fucking you with no mercy.

With his free hand, he stuffed two fingers in your mouth which you began to suck on, swirling your tongue around his digits. “Drooling for me to just fuck you stupid, huh?” He asked, you could only moan your answer at this point because he’s bringing his word true, he’s fucking you stupid.

His hips slammed against your ass, he leaned down to cover your back with his chest, his teeth grazed your shoulder and you felt his sharp canines sink into the soft flesh. “Cum with me.” He softly demanded.

Your fifth orgasm pulled Toji into his third one of the night, “Toji!” You mumbled against the soft blanket.

“Yes, pet?” He cooed shocking both you and him.

“I don’t know if I can handle any more.” You confessed, Toji quickly pulled out and removed his makeshift handcuffs.

Helping you up from the bed he walked to the large bathroom inside his room with you under his arm, he sat you on the edge of the tub as he turned on the warm water.

Once it was filled he added a few drops of oil, while it seemed mundane he’d never done this for any woman in his life, he looked over at you and your smeared makeup.

Dipping a small washcloth in the warm water he began to remove the caked makeup from your face, your eyes met his feeling your heart flutter.

He climbed in first and had you sit between his legs while he washed and massaged you, “I have never had so many orgasms in one night, much less that intense.” You admitted, Toji smiled to himself and kissed your shoulder.

“After this what do you say you stay the night?” He asked hopeful, he wanted to wrap you in his arms. Again, something he refused to do with other women but after being with you he wanted it so bad, craved it.

“Only if I can have the right side of the bed.” You said making him chuckle.

“Of course.” He replied with another kiss.

#tw: degradation #tw: alcohol #tw: murder #Toji smut #Toji x reader smut #Toji Fushiguro smut #jjk smut #jjk x reader smut #toji x you smut #toji x yn smut #fushiguro toji smut #jjk x reader #toji x reader #fushiguro toji x reader #toji x you #jujutsu kaisen smut

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the-daily-dreamer · 2 years

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Alicent and her kids have ZERO claim to the Throne. Rhaenyra was named heir. Alicent hasn’t followed any rules, she’s actively trying to break the laws and she feels like she deserves the throne because she was manipulated by her dad. She isn’t right about anything. Y’all are absolutely ridiculous when you try and make her behavior okay.

Funnily enough, I actually find you absolutely ridiculous for your bad takes AND for coming into my inbox to complain about my posts that are properly tagged. You don’t even have the courage to come off anon and put your blog in association with your actions because you know you’re in the wrong.

Anyways. Legally speaking, yes Rhaenyra is the heir. I never claimed in any of my posts that she isn’t. I also never claimed that Alicent or her kids take precedence over Rhaenyra in the line of succession. However, I will say that Alicent’s children do have a claim to the throne (as the current king’s legitimate children) and especially have a higher claim than Rhaenyra’s bastard sons.

While legally Rhaenyra’s sons are recognized as true born, they are very VERY clearly bastards. Like it literally couldn’t be more obvious they are not related to Leanor. The issue is that because it’s so obvious they are bastards, their claim to the throne is built on shaky ground. Many nobles who have prejudices against bastards will oppose them taking the throne. Many people will see them as illegitimate rulers with illegitimate claims, legally recognized as legitimate or not. It’s clear they are bastards. Everyone knows it. When the time comes many will bring up the factor of their parentage and it will be used against them to delegitimize them. Because in reality, they do not have a claim. They are bastards.

Meanwhile, Alicent’s children are true born children of the current king. Aegon’s parentage is 100% clear. He is the legitimate child of the king and his wife. After Rhaenyra, her half-brother has a HUGE claim to be next in line. If most people know Rhaenyra’s children are bastards then they won’t support them. They will support and recognize the next clearly legitimate person in the line of succession: Aegon.

Sorry, if you can’t understand the nuances of the time period. But it’s pretty clear. Rhaenyra’s sons are considered bastards by many. This means that even if they are legally seen as legitimate, most nobles will not recognize this. And thus, many will defer to the next legitimate heirs. And that is Alicent’s kids. They have a claim. And it’s strong as hell.

And your other point...what? I’m genuinely curious to know what on earth Alicent has done at this point? What laws did she go out of her way to break? What did she actually do illegally?

Alicent’s only crime she has actually committed at this point is taking a knife to Rhaenyra. Which I 100% understand because if anyone ever excused mutilating my child and then asked for further torture to that child for stating the truth...it would be hands on sight.

Otherwise she has followed every. single. rule. She married the king because she was told to. She birthed him sons because it was her duty. She kept every secret asked. She tried to create a compromise to protect her kids and herself. She has done everything right, and she’s still villainized. And no, saying the truth that Rhaenyra’s sons are bastards was not illegal. It’s the truth. It’s only illegal now because Viserys decreed it in the last episode (because he’s too far in denial to admit reality).

Alicent doesn’t want the throne. She’s not fighting to put herself in that ugly chair. She is fighting to keep herself and her children alive. And why is she fighting for that? Because they are a threat and have a legitimate claim to the throne.

#house of the dragon #game of thrones #anti rhaenyra #anti rhaenyra targaryen #anti viserys #anti viserys i targaryen #anti targaryen #anti targ stans #alicent hightower #pro alicent hightower #alicent hightower defense squad #team alicent #team green #anon hate

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labellefleur-sauvage · 10 months

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I am obsessed with ‘The Highland Fox and The English Rose’ please I have questions:

What inspired you to write this?

Do you know how talented and incredible you are?

Have you seen outlander by chance?

(Spoiler question): In meters, how big is Laid! Lucien? Or are we to find out with Miss Elain?

If you would like….could you share a little snippet of any part of the series? (You can every share deleted scenes—I am in love)

What does your research process look like?

Feel free to answer this ask after the series has ended! Hope you’re doing well! Please forgive my enthusiasm.

First of all, do you know how insanely sweet and amazing you are??

This is such a lovely comment that absolutely made my day!! I love your enthusiasm! I apologize for the delay but I’ve been steadily working on this ask, because I want to give it the attention it deserves.

(More under the cut, including a very brief snippet from the next chapter, because idk how to write succinctly)

Honestly, my only inspiration for this fic was general vibes😂 I’ve been reading a lot of historical romances lately, and in my American mind, Scotland is such a romanticized area of the world that is still recognizable to readers that I thought it would be fun to explore. And selfishly, I thought that Lucien would look hot in a kilt and wanted to write about that.

I’ve seen a few episodes of Outlander, but I’m more familiar with the books (at least the first two or three). I didn’t realize until very recently that maybe SJM based Lucien somewhat off of Outlander’s main man, Jamie Fraser, but I feel very smug for picking up what SJM was throwing down.

Hmm, how big is Lucien (what parts do you mean😏😏??) I imagine him tall but not excessively so—maybe 1.87 or 1.88 meters (around 6’ to 6’1 for the Americans). I headcanon Elain more on the shorter side, so Lucien doesn’t need to be huge to get that size difference we all know and love (unless you meant his dick, in that case Elain will definitely learn sooner rather than later)

My research is never ending. I start with large ideas and concepts (Scotland in the 17-18th centuries, looking over clan maps, etc.) then narrow it down as topics come up (in canon Lucien has a metal eye, but those have never really existed in our world, so when were glass eyes invented and accessible to the public? What did people in the Highlands eat and wear? Were pencils around during this time period, or was everyone writing with ink and quills?) and so on. I don’t have access anymore to Jstor for academic articles so I’m mainly confined to articles and blogs online. For those, I try to look to see if the author lists their sources for the article—if they do, I generally consider it a good enough source. It’s even better if I’m able to find a good primary source, like paintings and pamphlets, to describe something.

All that being said, if something I want to write isn’t quite historically accurate but the vibes are sexy, I’m probably gonna go with whats fun and sexy. I’m doing this for myself and for free and I’m not being graded—who cares if the colors in someone’s kilt isn’t accurate because there’s no native plants that color the people would have used as dye?

Thank you again for your support and enthusiasm and all your lovely comments on my fic! Truly, seeing people get excited over this makes me so happy and is keeping me so motivated!

Finally, a little snippet from the next chapter…

Lucien woke, as he had every morning since the day after his wedding, hard as his dirk.

Sighing, he threw his quilt off his heated body and leaned up on his elbows to stare at his cock, a slight frown as on lips. He had hoped his body would have gotten the hint by now that it wasn't going to have any company other than his hand for a while. Apparently, his little tryst with Elain last night had convinced it otherwise.

He looked over to his window. The window was slightly ajar, and the thin, gauzy curtains framing the glass fluttered softly as the gentle breeze brought the earthy scent of the loch into Lucien’s room. The sun was out with hardly a cloud spoiling the bright blue sky overhead. It was going to be a beautiful day, and he really needed to get out of bed and begin his long list of tasks.

That could wait a few minutes, though.

#my asks #asks #ask #answered #literally the nicest ask I think i've ever gotten

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sophieinwonderland · 1 year

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This isn’t meant to be rude or mean or anything but just to point out something I’ve seen. There are blogs here on Tumblr that actively describe themselves as “anti-traumagenic,” so there is at least some level of vitriol directed at traumagenic systems. When you say people are only against a hate group and not disordered systems for being disordered, that isn’t completely the truth. /info

There may be the occasional blog to pop up here and there that identifies as anti-traumagenic, but these are extreme edge cases. You can usually find at least one person somewhere with the most extreme views.

Initially, I was actually fully prepared to point out that where "anti endogenic" are posted in almost daily by various members of the anti-endo hate group, there "anti traumagenic" tag is completely barren. That was, until I looked again, and found that there was exactly one system who has posted in it.

And I am going to take a time out to discuss some of this system's posts, because these are truly horrendous.

Huge Trigger Warnings right now for fakeclaiming, slurs, and general abhorrent behavior.

Fakeclaiming is NEVER acceptable.

Trauma can come from anywhere, and I can't actually understand being so small-minded as to think that roleplayers can't be abusive?

They also contradict themselves, suggesting at one point that this incident their "excuse" for the disorder, and then immediately acknowledging that it didn't even cause the initial formation of their system. But I guess bigots have never been known for their critical thinking skills.

They go on to essentially admit to stalking this system.

Also, calling people tranny in a derogatory way.

And in another post, LITERALLY admit to stalking them.

And then they continue to go full r/FakeDisorderCringe.

"This sounds weird so I don't believe it is possible" has been used against SO many systems, and is pretty much the entire r/fakedisordercringe standard for "proof" of faking.

I'm always really surprised when people need basic concepts like this explained. Usually, it's anti-endos, but okay...

Look, fakeclaiming anyone can send people into derealization spirals. It's extremely harmful to any readers, increasing doubts that most systems (endogenic and traumagenic alike) struggle with.

Fakeclaiming is NEVER SAFE for anyone! Even if they're not the target. Posting this in endogenic safe tags hurts endogenic systems.

I doubt saying this will have any effect since @sweet-sloths-sys is absolutely terrible and doesn't care who they hurt, but I'll say it anyway.

Okay... I remember a point in my existence where I just viewed myself as an imaginary friend, and thought all of emotions were someone else pretending I was feeling things... and you know what? Even then, I still had more self-awareness than this!

Here's the thing though...

Obviously, @sweet-sloths-sys is terrible. They're incredibly toxic. A blight upon the entire plural community.

But they don't represent any part of it. There isn't actually an organized group of anti-traumagenic systems. Sweet-sloths-sys is isolated, hated by both sides. They're an unimportant troll with no friends, no support, and no influence.

Most others who have identified as anti-traumagenic are the same. Isolated lone wolves without any place in the community, and have usually be pushed out of it pretty quickly. Hence why there is literally only the one blog with posts in the anti traumagenic tags.

#ask box #syscourse #multiplicity #systems #system #plural #endogenic #pro endo #pro endogenic #plurality #fakeclaiming #discourse #abuse

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txxfiles · 5 months

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an introduction and some books

hi hotties!

the idea for this blog came from the twisted fantasy of my three closest friends and i as a way of producing something collaborative and creative without submitting ourselves to the mortifying ordeal of being known. we all get a fun little code name (i'm ruminating on magnolia, which i like but also think is a bit wanky in a way that i can't reconcile myself with spiritually just yet) and a week of the month to post whatever we want. the idea was essentially to create a platform where we get to talk uninterrupted shit about anything we want to because it’s our fucking blog, goddamit, and you’re not going to come onto our blog and tell us how to post.

and so, to kick things off, i am going to be talking about my favourite books of 2023 because i am cultured and sophisticated and definitely didn’t spend the first half of the year drowning in fae romantasy smut in an attempt to feel something. if you don’t like any of these books don’t tell me because i simply don’t care!! xoxo

non-fiction favourite - the anthropocene reviewed, john green

i spent 2023 working very hard to reprogramme my misanthropic brain, and this book was a huge part of what allowed me to do that. i’m still by no means cured of my hater tendencies, but this book was a beautifully tender examination of that little spark of humanity that connects us all, and the numerous ways in which it has manifested throughout human history and across the borders of nationality, age, and gender. green somehow manages to weave in his own life experiences in a way that avoids being preachy or self-aggrandising in a way that i think a lot of non-fiction writers really struggle with - i’d also highly recommend consuming this in audiobook form as his narration really made the experience for me.

fantasy favourite - a court of silver flames, sarah j maas

if you read this and immediately want to start lecturing me on how booktok is ruining the fantasy genre please know that im manifesting your downfall as we speak. i have my own issues with the flattening of the fantasy genre that takes place on tiktok, but the acotar series is a sugary, pulpy delight and this spinoff novel is where, in my humble opinion, it really hits its peak. as you can probably tell just by reading this, i am what is affectionately known as ‘a prickly unfriendly bitch’ in my day-to-day life, and i love seeing characters who represent me in a way that doesn’t glamourise being an unkind person - and nesta in this book is someone whose tendency to push people away isn’t justified or apologised for, and whose growth i found legitimately inspiring. also i’m still waiting for sarah j maas to stop teasing a dp scene and actually write it, the coward.

sci-fi favourite - the arc of a scythe trilogy, neal schusterman

this trilogy rocked me to my fucking core, bitch. this was another audiobook read from early 2023 and it’s one of the better pieces of speculative fiction i’ve ever encountered. schusterman pulls off some really complicated and in-depth worldbuilding in a way that doesn’t feel like i’m reading an instruction manual - something that’s genuinely hard to do in this genre - and the series only gets better as it goes. as someone who is profoundly afraid of artificial intelligence this offered a perspective on ai that i’ve not really seen in media before now - and i will also be thinking about my pookie scythe lucifer for ever and ever amen.

lit fic favourite - all the names they used for god, anjali sachdeva

i’m actually not going to talk about this one too much because it’s quite a difficult book to explain without giving away too much - not in a spoiler sense, but in a 'this is an experience that you need to go into with an open mind' sense. this is a collection of short stories that play with genre, setting, and character to tell a series of profound stories about the human struggle with fate and the pursuit of meaning. sachdeva manages to build such engrossing and vibrant worlds in the limited space she allows herself for each story - and she avoided the pitfall i find that a lot of short story anthologies fall into where you can very clearly tell that the writer had one story they desperately wanted to publish and wrote the rest as a way of filling up space for a full book.

well, those are some of my 2023 faves. i have a million honourable mentions but i’m not going to put them here because i’ve already written way too much. i’m not sure who’s taking over the reins for week 2 of this little blog experiment but be sure to give them a kiss on the forehead from me!

yours,

magnolia

#magnolia

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heliosoll · 2 years

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Hi! I hope this isn’t a bother!

You seemed a bit misinformed about death respawning! I love your blog a lot! But, I wanted to let you know that there are death (physical) respawners out there! We use SCA or HA subs to induce our reincarnation! (Naturally! Not suicidal, or by any means). A lot of us chose this route because we were already ill, which would have resulted into our deaths regardless, horrible situations, we can’t get out of (very abusive households, etc..)

Alot of us are going to erase our existence, or leave a clone/stand-in in our place to not hurt people who we do care for.

Respawning is a physical and/or metaphorical death! It depends on the respawner/reincarnator!

The “suicide” bs came from tiktok! You don’t kill yourself to respawn, it’s a huge taboo in this community and a lot are against it! Death respawners listen to SCA or HA subs to naturally induce our SCAs or HAs!

I suggest you check out the blogs on amino, they’re throughly researched!

http://aminoapps.com/p/ddhybi

https://aminoapps.com/c/realityshiftingamino/page/blog/the-complete-guide-to-respawn/Jp0a_4KidurMg31aDGVNWwrbq6rleNp7e5

http://aminoapps.com/p/2n7kir

I hope this helps, and again love your blog. Thank you for already being open to respawning/reincarnation!

TW: mention of death and suicide

Babe... I don't want to sound mean but I'm fully aware of all of this and I still stand by my original statement.

A physical death is not necessary for a respawn. I understand why someone would want to do it, but there are still tons of other options for them. If someone is physically ill or being abused, they can change their current reality or shift to one where that isn't the case. They don't need a physical death to cure everything. And again, if they don't erase their memories of that reality, they're still going to remember everything they went through. It's not the holy grail of a rescue that a lot of respawners think it is.

Also, I've been on amino and tiktok before all of this discourse started and I'm sorry but no, amino isn't that great for research. There are some really great people there but it's mostly full of kids and teenagers who have a lot of limiting beliefs and share them. I've seen the same anti-respawning sentiment on amino and the same "physical death is necessary" sentiment. Neither tiktok nor amino are good sources for most shifters. There's no really great place but tiktok and amino are by far the worst.

Manifesting a physical death is still suicide. You're doing something with the knowledge that it will physically kill you and hoping for that outcome. You may not be putting a gun to your head but the intention of killing your body is the same thing.

Again, I understand why people choose physical deaths for respawning. I was in a situation where that seemed like the best option too. But I stand by the fact that's it not necessary and does more harm than good. You deserve a life that you don't want to run away from. You deserve a life in your CR where you don't wish for death. And every single shifter and respawner out there can have those lives. You don't need to give yourself a physical death to be happy or to live a good life. You don't need to induce a heart attack or put your body through any kind of pain to respawn.

Every single respawner out there can choose other methods of respawning that don't include hurting themselves and others. And I'm sorry but coming to me after I gave a very lengthy reason for why I'm against physical death respawning (and why it's triggering to me and a lot of people here) and trying to change my mind about it isn't great.

I've stated multiple times why it's not necessary and given tons of other options so people don't have to make this choice. A lot of respawners choose physical deaths because they feel like it's the last option available. They think their life is so horrible that it can never be changed and they'll never be happy unless they respawn through death. That's never been true. I'm trying to help respawners understand that they can give themselves good lives and respawn through other means. Sorry but no, things like inducing heart attacks and killing your body are never going to be things I'm okay with.

Again, I need you to understand how upsetting and terrifying it is to have people come to me and detail how and why they want to end their life. It's fucking scary that so many people feel like they have no other options and then outright refuse to look at the options presented to them. Getting casual asks going "teehee I'm gonna physically die please help" is fucking awful. I'm not going to tell often very young, impressionable shifters that a physical death is okay. The fact that this sentiment is apparently still okay on amino is bad enough, I'm not going to add to it here.

I understand that I'm not going to change everyone's mind, but the least you can do is respect my opinion and understand that I'm not trying to be responsible for helping people kill themselves.

#long post #death mention #suicide mention #letters 🎀

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neverwritewhatyouknow · 11 months

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hello hello~ i saw your post about rw&b from another blog and decided to give your blog a look through. i just wanted to say really thank you for bringing these representation issues to the conversation, even if it's tiring and hard :')

i thought about it and i really could only name a few characters on tv that i've seen recently who were jewish (jake/gina from b99 and dr. taub from house md). as a jew, even nonreligious like many of us are, the culture is still such an important part of the community, and yet none of us really get to see this representation on screen - especially minorities within the jewish minority (i have a friend who's half chinese half jewish for ex).

i didn't grow up with religion (we only celebrated passover sometimes and we usually forgot to light the hanukkah candles after day 3), but we ate latkes and matzah and hamantashen and my mom and grandparents (also nonreligious jews) regularly used yiddish words like schlep and schmutz which I didn't know wasn't normal until i had college friends ask me what they meant.

anyway this ask doesn't really have a point but i'm really glad to see that this kind of issue is being talked about at some level, especially as you've seen, it keeps getting denied and pushed down (like saying having a jewish producer on a movie means we shouldn't have jewish actors??? wtf). even though i haven't experienced much discrimination myself (i don't have an easily identifiable/stereotypical jewish name or appearance) many many people have (for literally thousands of years) and there's so much antisemitism in our society. it's exhausting seeing it, hearing about it, reading it in books, etc. sorry for the very long message but sending much love and gratitude <3<3 you're amazing

Thank you so much for this!!!

I was just talking to someone else about Jake from Brooklyn 99, I’m gonna watch the show because everyone keeps telling me great things! And Taub… yikes… his character isn’t bad, but man do they really use his Jewishness as a punchline sometimes, granted House does it with everyone, but it feels more offensive with Taub. Dr Cuddy in House is Jewish too, played by Lisa Edelstein. But that was more of the case that she was Jewish and they let her character be too. But yeah, Jewish rep is such a small fraction of characters, and meaningful Jewish rep even more so.

There will be “Jewish” TV shows like The Goldbergs or Maisel, and people consider that rep… but 1. There are almost no Jewish actors in either of those shows, 2. Heavily stereotyped, 3. If the only time you can see more than one of two Jews on screen is in a show that is about Jews… It’s still othering Jews by literally putting them into a different show. I can easily name more than a dozen shows with no Jewish characters, which is just so terrible. Especially because there are so many different Jews in the world. Not every Jew is from New York and speaking Yiddish. There’s an entire other type of Judaism called Sephardic Judaism and there’s almost no rep there. Plus, there is barely any rep for Jews of color (especially played by Jews of color). I also have a friend who’s Jewish and Chinese, apparently that’s a super huge sector… yet, I can’t remember the last time I ever saw that represented by an actor who is. Sorry, little rant.

I love hearing about people’s Jewish upbringing, because there’s such a diverse range in the way people live their Jewish lives, and it doesn’t make any Jew more or less Jewish than another. I’m really glad you’ve never been discriminated against, like honest to god that makes me so happy. I’m the total opposite. Nearly been killed and attacked a handful of times, so any time another Jew tells me they’re able to live without worrying for their life, it makes me so happy and hopeful that maybe one day we all can. Probably a big hope lol, but maybe.

And yeah, Jewish representation is something that people don’t wanna hear about, because it would require people to understand more about Judaism and Jewishness, and due to history/society/culture, many think they already know everything and learning more would make them reevaluate things. And many don’t want to.

Thanks again for your message, Anon! Great to hear from you!!

#Jewish #anon post #jewish representation

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greatdamecygnus · 2 years

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Let’s Talk Bemani! Favorite songs that everyone should listen to at least once [GITADORA, V1] (2022)

I’ve always wanted to have a “Bemani Corner” of sorts when it came to blogs and what better opportunity than to do it now?

Some context: Many people know me as a dance game or a DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) player. Some have seen me get ridiculous scores in the game online, and others have also met me in person and have seen me compete. It’s really cool to meet a lot of people, but many do not know I grew up with BEMANI games. Rhythm and music games were a very influential part of my life growing up and it still continues to be. I’ve made myself known for dance games because it’s more mainstream than a lot of other ones. If I say “Beatmania IIDX” or “Sound Voltex” or “GITADORA”, nobody will even have a clue as to what they are, whether it’s a stranger on the street or someone who plays video games.

The games have produced such incredible songs througout the years, and it’s pushed the boundaries of video game music alongside many other games making an impact. Today, I’m actually not going to talk about the songs from DDR! I am going to list out a couple of songs from GITADORA, or as some may know previously as GuitarFreaks and Drummania.

Why GITADORA? GITADORA is a game I feel is severely underrated. This game, while slowly building popularity for arcade-goers and music gamers alike (particularly for drums), it gets overlooked quite often. Whether that’s because it’s more rock/guitar-based and not as electronic-heavy, or because it’s not something that the public eye has really put a spotlight on, OR even because it doesn’t have a huge competitive scene yet, this particular game has some of the most incredible music I’ve ever heard in a BEMANI game. It’s one of those games I will say that even if you don’t play the game or have no intention on playing it, don’t sleep on the soundtracks.

While the list below isn’t extensive, these are the top five songs I’d love for anyone who is a guitar-loving, drum-banging, melody-adoring, person to listen to!

youtube

pain - BEMANI Sound Team “TOMOSUKE” feat. Jazzin’ parka & frances maya

With a catchy and jazzy beat and such hauntingly beautiful vocals, BEMANI composer TOMOSUKE hits it out of the park with pain, an EXCHAIN unlock that makes for a really good song to dance to or nod your head with while playing. The last time we’ve seen Jazzin’ park and Frances Maya on a song was in walk with you from GuitarFreaks/Drummania V6. This song doesn’t need any more explanation: just start dancing to it at full volume in your house (I mean, I do).

youtube

グリーンリーフ症候群 (Green Leaf Syndrome) - red glasses feat.岡聡志

While GITADORA has what feels like an endless list of prog-rock, Green Leaf Sydrome is one of those songs that has this almost incomprehesible mystical uniqueness to it. Being one of the Encore Stages for EXCHAIN, Green Leaf is an epic song with an incredible melody and a terrific piano backing track to guide you through this unforgettable composition. This is Yuuji Yoshizawa a.k.a red glasses’ only entry into the GITADORA series so far, with much of his work being in NOSTALGIA, another BEMANI music game where gameplay focuses on playing a piano to keysounds. For his first song in the GITADORA series? Good lord.

youtube

Before Daybreak - TAG

TAG (Yasuhiro Taguchi) has been featured in many BEMANI games. However, many don’t realize that TAG, despite his incredible influences in Dance Dance Revolution and Beatmania IIDX, composed his first song, El Dorado, in 2006 for GuitarFreaks and Drummania V3! Before Daybreak made its first appearance in Guitarfreaks and Drummania XG, retaining TAG’s signature guitar composition that you hear distinctly in songs like 1/n or CHRONOS. Did I also mention that Before Daybreak has its own unique music video? Originally removed in XG2, it eventually came back in GITADORA years later. The video follows a satellite’s journey through space (or at least, that’s what I gathered, aha)

youtube

キヤロラ衛星の軌跡 (Kirarora Satellite Trajectory) - 工藤吉三(ベイシスケイプ)

Trust me when I say this: had I not known this was from GITADORA, my instinct would make me believe that this was a final boss song for an RPG. Kirarora Satellite Trajectory is a one-of-a-kind song in GITADORA that musically takes you on an emotional ride with upbeat highs and elegant lows. Again, it’s very pro-rock and there are so many ways I could describe this song, but honestly, have a listen and make that assessment yourself! Kirarora Satellite Trajectory was one of the first Premium Encore stages in EXCHAIN, and just recently became an addition into Dance Dance Revolution A3 as part of an unlcok event.

youtube

overviews - vox

Okay, hear me out: I know this song is not over there but I will still recommend people to give it a listen. Overviews is a sequel to one of the most well-known songs in GFDM, over there. However, this song takes a little bit of a different approach. Instead of sounding like its predecessor that comes off bold, memorable, and downright orchestraic at times, overviews takes a more subtle approach, being more of an upbeat serenade that, like over there, is taking you on yet another musical journey. This song can be a little bit divisive for fans of the game as it doesn’t seem to capture the spark that its brother has, but for me, it’s a great song nonetheless.

#bemani #music game #rhythm game #gitadora #dance dance revolution #ddr #beatmania iidx #iidx #let's talk bemani #2022 #songs #dance game #gfdm #guitarfreaks #drummania

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thetaekookcloset · 2 years

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I joined fandom thinking army are so great because never seen any artists appreciating their fans the way BTS does but saw a really different side. Even though I am a jk bias stan, love his voice, the way BTS fans behaviour is so hypocritical. I knew my baby always gets hate from major jikookers and pjms but I also feel pity for Taehyung. I never used to like taekookers because some are really delusional, followed your account only coz you talk sensibly and respects both of them so I respect you in return. Never had much of an impression of Taehyung though coz thought he was always army fav or something and coz of him jungkook gets hate thrown. Even if i am more of indifferent towards Taehyung never want him to get death threat coz that thing is pretty cruel. Now I see army trending dynamite anniversary, freejiminfromtaekookers and complaining about Jim's interview and I am blown away how people are not doing anything for Taehyung. I mean wasn't he a fav? No votes for SDA and death threat thing on Max ot7 account. Wah! I think I need to change my perspective a little. Saw his solo begging people to vote but.... Feeling pity for that guy got a shitty fandom. Might be bitter but it's the truth, funny no Taekook bloggers are addressing this issue.

I hear you, anon -- and thank you very much for your kind words, by the way.

I think the thing is that with a fandom this massive, you’re naturally going to have so many different kinds of people, in every little corner and faction of the fandom. There are shippers and supporters, non-shippers, solos, antis, OT7s, people with biases who still love the group as a whole, and that’s just the people who consider themselves deep fans of at least a member of BTS.

Then we all see different parts of those different aspects of the fandom, and we all choose to engage with them in different ways. I think a lot of people with a bias tend to see their fave as being less well-treated, both by the company and by other fans, and because the fandom is so big, there’s always a reason for them to think and feel that way. Taehyung stans are always going to see Taehyung antis and feel like Tae is getting the short end of the stick, you know? Whereas Jimin stans will always think Taehyung is the obvious favorite of both the company and the fandom. This is just one example, it’s a phenomenon that seems to perpetuate itself throughout the fandom over and over again.

Personally, I’ve seen a lot of people on Twitter specifically talking about voting for Tae for SDA and reporting the death threats. I haven’t been talking about these things on the blog for a couple of reasons. One is that I assume most people are aware of it already and it isn’t really what I use this space for, nor is it something I want to dwell on in this space.

Obviously the death threat issue is disgusting and I think it’s horrible when it happens to anyone. It honestly made me feel sick to see those messages and I mostly just hope that Taehyung himself didn’t see them, and that none of the members did, frankly.

But as for the fandom as a whole, I just feel like it’s too massive to generalize in any direction. Even the subsets of this fandom are so huge that I don’t like to make generalizations about them for the most part, especially since I know how frustrating it can be to have all Taekookers lumped together as though we share one mind and all believe the exact same ideas.

#ask

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keyleth-clay · 1 year

Text

I posted 4,527 times in 2022

That's 4,132 more posts than 2021!

176 posts created (4%)

4,351 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@quinn-of-aebradore

@vethbrenatto

@viciousmollymaukery

@sparring-spirals

@rainydaydecaf

I tagged 4,527 of my posts in 2022

#critical role - 4,434 posts

#fanart - 3,255 posts

#cr 2 - 1,518 posts

#cr 1 - 1,489 posts

#cr 3 - 883 posts

#moodboard - 578 posts

#vex'ahlia - 317 posts

#keyleth - 313 posts

#vax'ildan - 312 posts

#exu: calamity - 282 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i'm also fully prepared for some emotionally devastating shit in their backstory and how that affects their relationships with the other pcs

My Top Posts in 2022:

Critical Role Moodboards: Essek Thelyss

165 notes - Posted August 19, 2022

I genuinely love Callopea and I hope that it goes fully canon.

Not because a ship has to go “fully canon” to be legitimate, or to be enjoyed by the fandom, but because I think the dynamic between Fearne and Chetney is so different from the vast majority of ships that we’ve seen on Critical Role so far.

Because the thing is, I feel like a lot of the fandom kind of sees Callopea as a joke? And not just goofy or lighthearted, but kind of mean-spirited. Like, the idea that this could ever be a “legitimate” ship or that it has any meaning to it is laughable. (This is also kind of reflected in fanworks, since there’s basically no art of them, and there’s like... two people making gifs. In comparison to pairings like Imodna or Dorym which, while I do also ship, there is arguably less concrete evidence of in canon at this point in time).

Which I don’t think is true! I think there’s a lot of depth to both Chetney and Fearne, despite being largely comedic characters, and I think there’s also a lot of potential depth to their relationship, despite it being largely played for laughs.

Take Chetney, for example. I think the depth of his character is best summed up with this quote from The Night Before Critmas (and yes, I know that was Chutney, but he was the basis for the character):

“He told me to make Voltron out of wood. No one wanted it. He told me to make a Game Boy. I can't do circuits. He told me to make the little trolls, but the hair didn't move.”

Again, yes it’s comedic, but the core idea of the character was here – because Chetney/Chutney isn’t just talking about toys. He’s talking about himself. A huge part of this character is dealing with the feeling of obsolescence, of the world moving on without you and you not being needed anymore. That same idea also shows up with Bertrand at the beginning of the campaign, and I don’t think that’s an accident, and I don’t think Travis is doing that just for the joke.

Growing older can be scary. Feeling like you’re out of touch with the world, or that you aren’t needed anymore, or that you just don’t understand things anymore – that’s scary. In a way, it feels like parts of the fandom treat a character being old as a punchline – it sometimes feels like the very idea of a character being elderly, and an elderly character wanting some form of intimate relationship in particular, is worthy of mockery.

I’m sure we’ve all seen commercials or interviews or something that contain some variation on “as we age, our need for intimacy does not diminish”. Yes, Chetney has flyaway white hair and wrinkles and a squeaky old voice and a hat he’s almost laughably attached to and goofy curly toed boots, and he is still deserving of love, and that isn’t a joke. Not that that love needs to be romantic love, necessarily, but love nonetheless.

And I think that it makes perfect sense that Fearne would be the one to recognize that! For one thing, she’s the only one in Bell’s Hells that is anywhere near his age (though there is still a noticeable gap, but who knows how the fuck time works in the Feywild anyways). For another, with her wildshaping and his werewolf transformation, the two of them are the only ones in the group that understand that idea of letting animalistic instinct take over, of the freedom of being wild, and also the occasional lack of control or fear that can come with it. Not to mention both of their… impulsive morals.

But there’s two more ways I feel that these two connect, which are even deeper than what I previously mentioned – one of which I only realized after this most recent episode.

The first is related to this wonderful bit of meta from @captainofthetidesbreath, which I’m not going to reiterate here because a) you should go give them some love, and b) because this is long enough as it is. But to sum it up, Chetney is a toymaker, and takes great pride in that. He takes great joy in seeing other people, especially children, finding joy in what he’s crafted. Out of everyone in Bell’s Hells, I feel that Fearne is the only one who would truly appreciate that. Just look at what he’s made for everybody else – a box, which isn’t a toy. A skyship, which was immediately left behind for a child who would actually play with it and appreciate it. A wooden hand? And a house for Pâté and Sashimi, which is kind of a toy and kind of being played with, but also kind of not.

Fearne, on the other hand, has always had a certain whimsy about her. She enjoys the frivolous, she appreciates the silly, and she makes it a point to collect and steal and have things, simply because they make her happy. That, to me, is closest to the heart of why Chetney is a toymaker in the first place.

The second was something that Fearne said in episode 25. When Dusk showed her the locket that contained the portraits of her parents and that whole conversation started up, Fearne said”

“I don’t know where they are, and I’ve been looking for them, but maybe they just forgot? ‘Cause it’s been a very long time since I’ve seen them.”

I’m very curious as to whether this is a thought that she’s had before during her search for her parents – or if this will continue to weigh on her now that she has thought of it, at least until she’s able to reunite with them.

Because I feel like this ties in with the idea I mentioned above of Chetney feeling obsolete now that he’s gotten older. I could see a real and genuine heart-to-heart happening between them over this. I also wonder – Chetney’s never mentioned any family; no parents, no siblings, and most importantly for this Callopea ship manifesto (apparently), no spouse(s) or children. I get the sense from both of them of just… getting used to being alone and being lonely. That they are genuinely lighthearted and humorous individuals, but that humour does still help to hide some heavier feelings.

CHANGING TOPICS ENTIRELY, I also want to touch on something else that might seem completely counter to everything I’ve written here so far, and that is that this ship doesn’t need to be deep! They don’t need to have a “You know I’m in love with you, right?” or a “My heart belongs to someone else” or a “You were not born with venom in your veins”, etc etc etc.

A ship doesn’t need to be deep and intense and Romantic-with-a-capital-R to be real and genuine and enjoyable! It can be as simple and light and fun as just two people being attracted to each other and having fun exploring that attraction. Hell, their relationship doesn’t even need to be romantic! I’ve seen people headcanon Fearne as arospec, and I love the idea of a non-romantic but still sexual relationship being explored, and not being treated as lesser because of that.

Hell, they could still end up as a romantic relationship, but start out here, with heavy-handed flirting and overt sexual overtones, and see their relationship as fun but ultimately not particularly meaningful, but then *intense and emotionally-heavy moment later in the campaign happens, especially if one of them nearly dies or does die and is brought back*, and then they realize Oh shit, this isn’t just for funsies, I’ve got real actual romantic feelings for them and I’d be miserable if they were gone. Oh fuck.

And that’s not even touching on the wolf/deer theme they’ve got going on, or the sun/moon vibes that they’re rocking, etc.

Basically there’s just… SO much potential for Callopea, guys. I can’t wait to see where it goes.

244 notes - Posted July 6, 2022

Y’know, the “Big moon, little moon” reveal makes the whole conversation with Fearne and Dorian about big/middle/little spoon hurt a whole lot more in retrospect.

305 notes - Posted March 18, 2022

You’ve heard of Elf on the Shelf, now get ready for

783 notes - Posted August 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

From the moment that Exandria Unlimited: Calamity was announced, everybody was saying that “we already know how it ends, what matters is how they get there. We already know it’s a tragedy.”

Except... it wasn’t tragic. Not really.

Nydas made sure that as many citizens of Avalir survived as possible. He made sure that the students of the Sorcerer’s Academy, his pride and joy, made it out of the city. His brother and his sister-in-law made it out of Cathmoira.

Zerxus got to see his husband again, got to see his son one more time before everything went to shit, He made sure Tempus got out, and because of that, they were reunited. And even though he ended up damning his soul and serving the Lord of the Hells, he did it because there was no other choice he ever would have made.

Patia realized as she died, 1 in-game second into the episode, that you can have all of the knowledge in the world, but it means nothing if it dies with you. Against all odds, she got a second change, a grand total of an hour and a half before she ended up dying for good, and she fucking took it. She made damn sure that that knowledge didn’t die with her. And she always served Avalir, but Avalir is not the cobble streets or the ivory towers or any of the Rings. Avalir is it’s people, and she served them to the very end.

Loquatius was given the opportunity to leave, and he chose to stay with the woman he loves, with the world he loves, with the people he loves. He got one final message out, and with it, made sure that as many people were warned of the danger as possible, made sure that they knew to escape and where to go to do so. He got to be there to see Laerryn’s life’s work reach completion, and that was the whole point, wasn’t it?

Laerryn got to see her life work reach completion - not the way she thought it would, but in a way that mattered infinitely more. She did something brilliant and incomparable, surrounded by her loved ones, in and for and as the Heart of Avalir. She and Loquatius made amends and rekindled their love, and in the last few minutes of their lives were married again. ‘Til death do they part.

And Cerrit broke off from the rest of the party, one of the most taboo things in TTRPGs, and because of that he was able to find a way to make sure his family was safe, he was able to get to his children before things got too bad, he was able to get them out of the city. He fucking killed Vespin Chloras, saved his friend’s life, and made it possible for her to prevent the Primordials from re-entering the world. With one final telepathic map from Laerryn and a symbol of a broken pact from Loquatius, was able to escape and make it back to his family.

None of them died with regret. None of them wished that they had done things differently, there was no would-a should-a could-a. There was more hope than anything else in this story.

925 notes - Posted June 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #i guess i can also tag this as #kc's top five

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terraliensvent · 3 months

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I’m sorry put the op was right about them being human beings with thoughts and feelings. Did it come off to strong? Yes. But the fact you have to put the glaring issue of they can’t take criticism as your stance isn’t even a viable way of proving your point as there have been clear efforts to change things in the community as of recently. Now that Temul is in charge of the group!

Not saying the fair of amount of criticism isn’t justified. In fact there is always room for improvement and it should be heavily encouraged.

But shouldn’t mods be people you trust? Not total strangers? but active community members who become good acquaintances with staff? No seriously. I’ve been spectating the server since July of last year and half of those people didn’t even know each-other til they met on the server. Some of them aren’t even friends til being asked to join. And so what if they’re friends? That means they’re a trustworthy candidate that can be vouched for.

It’s actually insane how people will just assume the worst out of a situation without any definitive answers but purely based on their pre-decided judgement of others. Which is a huge issue right now especially with cancel culture.

I can’t even begin to explain how entitled half the people in closed species communities are because half of the problems stem from the people themselves. Now this is a vent blog and it’s meant for voices to be heard. That much is obvious. All you need to know is change doesn’t happen within a week. It takes months so don’t assume the worst in situations or you’re gonna stay bitter in these communities when you eventually quit.

Stay safe and touch grass 👍

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i feel like youre neglecting to acknowledge the full range of points i made in my last response.

yes, theres change happening within the past 2 months, but theres also things to have gripes about. im glad things are seeming to move toward getting better, but at the same time that shouldnt deflect from the fact there are still things to be worked on

i understand theres the big rework happening right now with stuff, but for transparency’s sake im not going to give points for things that arent completed. you can say youre working on things, but until i can physically see them and be able to make a judgement on the effectiveness of implemented changes, im not going to comment on them because i dont want to have to retroactively edit my perspective.

also, “mods are making changes” and “mods cant take criticism” arent mutually exclusive. the changes being made currently are a result of the work getting too hard for them with design approvals because they were SO nitpicky and people actually started to complain on a large scale. but as seen in the suggestion forums, not a lot of suggestions seem to be really introspected on. ive seen so many solid ideas that work for other large species just be totally tossed out because “its too much work for mods” but yet when more mods are hired, they dont seem to be doing really any work.

which brings me to my next point, i said in the last post i would have been more forgiving about all the mods being in the same clique if it werent for the fact that the new mods never seem to be doing anything besides promoting commissions. quality of life improvements are constantly denied because the workload is “just so difficult” but then you never actually see evidence of extra hands being used to make big change. again, if you keep adding people do the mod team it should not be taking weeks to get a MYO design approved.

im gonna barely entertain the last bit of your ask simply because it comes off as intensely patronizing to me. are we really talking about cancel culture when the issue at hand is “terra staff are bad at taking criticism?” it comes off as very much “holier than thou” mentality when you call others entitled for daring to say they dont like the way things are run. change takes months, yeah, but thats when you actually DECIDE to change and not shrug it off because “work hard :(“ dont put yourself on a pedestal just because youre more dismissive of things than others

#closed species vent #terralien #closed species #terraliens #vent

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spacehead1127 · 7 months

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Anything and everything, all of the time

Hello Tumblr! There’s a very small chance anyone would see this at all but I’m just going to write anyway.

I created this blog to share my overflowing thoughts and some of my opinions about certain things in the world. I’m very much an overthinker and in my head most of the time so I want to try to type it out and share them, because why not? I’ve been told by my friends that I can be pretty philosophical at times heh. Who knows, maybe there are some of you who would respond to these and I could even meet people who share the same thoughts as me and we get to have great conversations :) I think it’s interesting to communicate with other people through the Internet and learn about how we all think and converse with each other.

You might see by now that I am quite verbal when I write, haha. I would make this a podcast if I weren’t insecure of my voice lmao. But, anyways, this isn’t much of an introduction of myself. As you read on you may get to know me more. So if you’re curious how my brain works, feel free to stick around if you like!

This is a PART 1 of my text-podcast thing: go to my blog to see more!

At first, I rather keep all my thoughts and opinions to myself because of how aggressive internet users can be. Comment sections can be so chaotic at times. I believe most of us here have at least had a spat with some random person on the internet about something and it ended up feeling ridiculous at some point because we never met the person irl, and so the argument was pointless in the end lmao. But of course everyone’s experiences are different, I’m just saying what I have experienced and I don’t mean to speak for everyone. Yes I’ve had my internet spat before, and boy it was a ride. Overtime, I subconsciously detached myself from the urge to share any comment I had on any media or material I’ve seen online. I would just keep them to myself because it wasn’t worth my time and energy. Right now I still do the same, but instead I would read those comments and not interact with it. I find it amusing haha.

In the end, I feel like people on the internet can be really sensitive and well, judge people rather quickly. And to make sure I’m not misunderstood, I mean this in a neutral way. I don’t have anything against the internet nor the entirety of internet users, in fact I think it’s interesting and I’d like to learn more about it. I’d like to learn more about human psychology ;D I’m a highschool student graduating next March and psychology is one of my interests to study. (But more on that next time, maybe) Apparently it seems that words on the internet can cause a huge reaction to a certain group of users than what it actually is. Well, maybe whoever is reading this right now is imagining the voice behind these texts to be aggressive and highly reactive but how I am meaning to express it is actually just non-serious and in a very chatty podcast-tone lol. And that’s how I guess people would put tone indicators just to let people know how the message is being expressed. Either way, it’s definitely not used by everyone so there’s still random conflicts everywhere on the internet.

It’s all funny, because imagine responding to that person irl. I feel like the internet has really exaggerated so many things and the younger generations are the most affected. I am gen z and I’m sounding like an old lady. Wow. Welp, my mindset is old fashioned anyway B)

Ah and this is leading me to talking about a whole nother topic. It was unplanned but let’s go with it: GEN ALPHA!! The new babies. From where I am, seeing so many kids getting sucked into the internet at such a young age and neglecting school is so saddening. (coming from me who isn’t very expert academically either, but personally I LOVE learning. I wouldn’t let my grades define my level of understanding.) And having our new generations (gen z, gen alpha) developing depression and anxiety way, way more than the older generations all because of the information we have at the tip of our fingers that give us existential crisis at an earlier age? Dang. Knowledge isn’t just power. It also brings pain.

I am sorta going off topic ah. But to summarise this ramble/text-sorta-podcast/blog thing I’d say: Bo Burnham says it best. (iykyk) The internet brings us so much joy, almost as much joy as there is pain. Ultimately it depends on everyone’s personal experience with the internet and how you view it. But if I were to detach my thoughts from myself, disassociating with my identity and who I am, I would say as much as the internet has its pros, once you see the cons it seems to outweigh the good of it. (And it may be true, idk, I don’t want to entitle myself to being the truth. Interpret it however you like)

That’s all for today now, thank you for reading until here! (see you in the next one, idk when but someday I will return)

#it's a lot of words ik #text-podcast thing??#hello internet #this is just for the people who love to read #possibly nonsensical thoughts #read if you're interested #if not adios without leaving a word #nobody is forcing you to read it ;)#feel free to contradict my thoughts so we can have an interesting discussion but no arguments i hate conflict :D #ok that's rlly it byee

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 1 year

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Fucking hell.

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Ian Tyson, Canadian country music legend, died today at age 89. It wasn’t a huge shock, because like I said, 89. He lived a long life, and it’s not like I thought he was ever going to make any more music (I feel weird saying that, like his only value was whether he’d produce more art for public consumption – but also, losing out on that is the tangible effect a celebrity death has on the public, and besides that his loss is felt by the people who actual knew and cared about him, as it should be). It’s not like I thought I’d ever see him live again, though I now feel more lucky than ever that I got to see him once.

Okay, I’m going to do that annoying thing where a celebrity dies and I make a post like this on social media, because this has got some memories floating back in my head and this blog is where I post things that float back in my head. Memories I have related to Ian Tyson:

- The fiftieth anniversary of the Mariposa Folk Festival in Orillia, Ontario was in 2010. Most summers my dad and I tried to go to our hometown folk festival and to at least one other, and that year, we chose to take a road trip and get a hotel for the weekend so we could be at Mariposa. That’s a relatively big one, and it drew very big names for its fiftieth anniversary. The biggest name was Gordon Lightfoot, and a close second was Ian Tyson. This isn’t just my opinion; it was laid out clearly in the lineup at the mainstage on Sunday night (where they put the biggest names in ascending order, as it’s the last night): Fred Eaglesmith, Lynn Miles, Murray McLauchlan, Sylvia Tyson, Ian Tyson, Blue Rodeo (surprise guests that were added to just a few songs right before the headliner, great band but in a normal running order they would not be ahead of either Tyson), Gordon Lightfoot. And it was… okay, as I write this I realize that list of names will mean nothing to anyone reading this, but trust me, that’s a big deal. That’s one of the best lineups I’ve ever seen in one night at any folk festival.

To understand the significance of what happened that night, I have to explain Ian and Sylvia. They were hippie-type folk singers in Toronto in the 1950s, where they met each other at the folk clubs that still existed back then. They started playing together, formed a duo called Ian & Sylvia, and got married in 1964. They played together for about fifteen years, during which time they released twelve albums. In 1975, they got divorced. Ian Tyson moved to Alberta to live on a ranch, train horses, and make solo music that was more country (now that he was an actual cowboy to back it up). Sylvia Tyson stayed in Ontario and had a solo career as a folk singer.

All of this – Ian’s solo stuff, Sylvia’s solo stuff, and the Ian & Sylvia albums – have been huge parts of Canadian folk and country music history. But their biggest contribution was the title track of the second Ian & Sylvia album, Four Strong Winds, released in 1963. Four Strong Winds, a song about a guy who moves to Alberta and is trying to convince his romantic partner to join him, is basically the Canadian anthem. I mean, it’s the Canadian anthem if you happen to be into folk music, which is my explanation to any Canadians who may be reading this and saying, “Well I’ve never heard of it.” But also, you might have! Four Strong Winds is one of those Canadian folk songs that made it so big that sometimes even people from my generation or younger, who aren’t specifically into folk music, end up knowing it.

Four Strong Winds was written by Ian Tyson, and has been recorded solo by Ian Tyson, but it was originally recorded by Ian & Sylvia together. It’s also been recorded by fucking everyone, highlights include: Neil Young, Bob Dylan, John Denver, Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash, Hank Snow, Joan Baez, Sarah McLachlan, and Judy Collins. Weirdly, despite all the people who’ve done it, I think my favourite cover of Four Strong Winds is by Blue Rodeo. My favourite version, obviously, is the original. It kind of has to be.

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Ian and Sylvia Tyson were huge on the Canadian folk scene for so many years – years before I was born, but I know it was a big deal. Then after their divorce, they didn’t appear on stage together. It was a big deal, especially because that original version of Four Strong Winds, with Ian and Sylvia harmonizing, was so iconic in Canadian music. That duet was lost when the duo broke up.

So. That night in July 2010. I’m sitting in a lawn chair in a field in Orillia, Ontario, next to my dad, who loves this stuff like I do, and it’s been a wonderful weekend. We’d seen some fantastic music over the last couple of days, and that night, we’d been treated to someone openers who would be headliners at many other festivals.

Then Sylvia Tyson came out. She played an amazing set, and even though she was quite old by then, her voice hadn’t gone off at all. I had my eyes closed for almost the whole thing, enjoying the music. She was engaging and engaged. Then she left the stage, the MC came back out to say some variation of, “Holy shit I can’t believe we got that, really can’t believe what’s next,” and out came Ian. The sun began to set as we heard songs about horses and cowboys and the Rocky Mountains. If I’m very honest, his voice had started to go, it sounded a bit scratchy from a combination of age and what I later read in the newspaper was blamed on a cold. But I didn’t mind. I’d never seen Ian Tyson live before. My dad had seen him live in the 80s, but I hadn’t, and I was just in awe of being in the same place as someone that legendary. Ian Tyson had a couple of guys with him, backing up on vocals and guitar, enough so his vocals alone never needed to carry a whole song.

At the end of his set, as we all expected, he started to sing Four Strong Winds. The audience began to sing along, and it was one of those amazing folk festival moments, when you really feel on the same page, at the same level of appreciation for what’s happening, as everyone around you. I was twenty years old, probably less than a third of the average age in that crowd, but it felt like my people. We all knew this song.

And then, halfway through, Ian beckoned to the side of the stage, and out came Sylvia with a mic in her hand. The audience erupted into applause, but remained respectful; I could feel every person in that crowd trying to work out how to express their joy without interrupting the incredible experience of hearing this song live, by its original singers. Ian and Sylvia sang the last half of the song together, and at the end they gave each other a hug, and the entire audience got on their feet and cheered.

Afterward, my dad looked it up and worked out that they’d done a couple of reunion shows since originally breaking up in 1975, but this was the first time they’d appeared on stage together in at least 15 years. I feel ridiculously lucky to have gotten to witness it, given that I was born too late to have any business being part of this. Obviously what made it special was actually being there, and no video can capture that, but someone did get a bit of it on tape on put it on YouTube, which I enjoy re-watching sometimes:

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So that’s the first of my Ian Tyson memories. I’ll only do a couple more.

- About six years ago, my dad went on a business trip to Banff. We were lucky enough to be able to organize things so I could go with him, and we had a few days when he wasn’t working and we got to just drive around the area. Banff is a town in Alberta’s Rocky Mountains, and we did a couple of hours-long road trip through other towns, as well as many kilometres of mountain roads. It was absolutely beautiful. I think I can say that I’ve never, in my whole life, seen anything as beautiful as the Rocky Mountains. Maybe a couple of things in New Zealand? I don’t know, I think the Rockies might even beat all of that.

While we drove, we played Ian Tyson pretty much the whole time. After he moved to Alberta, Ian Tyson dedicated most of his career to singing about that province and its history and beauty. Including lots of songs about the mountains themselves, trying for the impossible task of capturing a little of what they’re like. Here’s one:

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Even the Ian Tyson songs that aren’t specifically about the Rocky Mountains are still the right soundtrack for it thematically. Nothing needed to be added to those drives to make them magical, but Ian Tyson somehow managed to add to them. My dad and I spent hours driving, with no sound but Ian Tyson’s voice filling up the rental car, in awe of our surroundings. I had a bunch of his albums on my iPod, and we played several of them all the way through multiple times. It’s one of my favourite memories of my whole life.

- Last October, I turned 31. I was at my grandparents’ place at the time, on the other side of the country. Alberta is in Western Canada; my grandparents’ place was on the East Coast. My mother and I spent a few months out there, helping out with things because they were getting less and less able to take care of themselves and their home on their own. Since then, they’ve moved out of there and into a care home near my parents.

The problem is partly that they were just getting older, but also that my grandfather’s Alzheimer's was advancing. He still knew who we were and everything, still knew where he was and what happened in day-to-day life, was still holding on to being a basic level of “functional”. But he was getting worse.

It was a tough few visit at times, with fights sometimes breaking out between my grandparents because he got stressed out and overwhelmed so easily, and she got frustrated. I shouldn’t complain because I also got to spend a couple of months in an incredibly beautiful place that I love with people I love. But it was, at times, difficult.

One of the things I was asked to do, as the resident young(-ish) person, was take all the CDs in my grandfather’s collection and digitize them, and then transfer that to his iPod. They knew they wouldn’t be able to stay in the house much longer, and he couldn’t bring his whole CD collection into a home, so this would be a way for him to keep his music.

It took me a couple of days to do all that, and then I called my grandfather into his office. I sat him down and showed him his iTunes, with all those song titles and artists and albums just waiting to be clicked on. No need to take out each CD, you can just have any song you want at your fingertips. My grandfather took the mouse and clicked on a Pavarotti song, and it filled the room. He put his head back, listened, and I saw tears form in his eyes almost immediately. “I haven’t heard this in years,” he said. “I thought this was in my past. I thought I didn’t have it any more.” I told him I’d made it so he could listen to all of it any time he wanted, and with more tears, he said, “You brought it back. It was gone, I’d lost it, but you brought the music back.” High praise for someone who’d just ripped some CDs into iTunes, but I knew what he meant. They’d been gone from his mind, he wouldn’t even think to put on most of those CDs because he’d forgotten they’d existed, but here he could see them all laid out, so as far as he was concerned, they’d just come back.

I’d planned to go into the city a couple of days later, the night of my birthday. I’d wanted to spend it hearing whatever live music they had on at my favourite Celtic pub. But when the day came, we looked at the COVID numbers, and I realized I couldn’t justify it. I could have gone. I think it would have been safe. It was a small city in a small province where high COVID numbers didn’t mean anywhere near as much as they do in bigger places. But still, I couldn’t take the risk while staying with my grandparents. I stayed in and tried not to be disappointed, as it’s hardly the biggest sacrifice anyone’s made during this pandemic.

It ended up being one of my favourite birthdays I’ve ever had. No one was in a bad mood. We went into a nearby small town and ate lunch on their patio, and in the evening, we put out crackers and dip and wine. I grabbed an iPod speaker and my own iPod as well as my grandfather’s. I asked him what he wanted to hear, and he said it was my birthday. I said what I wanted for my birthday was to see him as happy as he’d been two days earlier, sitting in his office and listening to his favourite music. He asked for Ian Tyson.

We then spent a couple of amazing hours in which I put on various Ian Tyson songs. Each time I asked my grandfather if he knew it, and he said yes. Each time, we all thought he might be just pretending to remember, as he often did with things, but then he sang along and proved he really knew it. He’d tell some story about the first time he heard this song, about what it meant to him. He had a story for almost every song, since he’d grown up alongside that music. He’d grown up almost exactly alongside it, as Ian Tyson died today at age 89, and my grandfather turns 90 in a week.

I can’t imagine any night at a pub being better than a few hours of Ian Tyson with my grandfather. He got tears in eyes again from some of the songs, talking about how long it had been since he’d heard them. I’d planned to play a variety of artists, but I ended up pretty much sticking to Ian Tyson all night, because I loved it and my grandfather loved it so why not?

The next morning, I met my mother and grandparents in the kitchen, and said something about taking out eggs for a post-birthday breakfast. My grandfather said, “Birthday? Whose birthday is it?” I told him it was my birthday, and he said, “Oh. Happy birthday.” I said no, it was yesterday, and he said, “Nobody told me that.” That was the first time any of us had seen him forget something both that big and that recent.

It’s weird to me that I think of that night as such a bonding moment, by my grandfather doesn’t remember it, so did bonding really take place? Alzheimer's definitely gives you an appreciation for living in the moment, for understanding that moments have meaning if they don’t make a lasting impact, not even in everyone’s memories. I feel lucky to have had that night while it was occurring, even if it had dissipated by the next morning.

In the home where my grandparents live now, he regularly listens to his iPod, and Ian Tyson is one of his go-to singers to put on. When we heard the news this afternoon, my mother said she’s going to wait until tomorrow to call her father and tell him Ian Tyson’s dead. Give it one more day before breaking that news.

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amoveablejake · 2 years

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The King and I

The view from Caste Rock.

If you asked me today who my favourite writer is, I wouldn’t be able to answer you. Ofcourse I wouldn’t, thats a big question and one that I would have to think about for quite a while. I would have to think about it for a while because a fair few names would initially come to mind. Hemingway would immediately skyrocket up that list (his work is the namesake for the blog afterall) as would Murakami. Then falling behind the true front runners, Robin Sloan and Ernest Cline would also make appearances as would John Grisham and Elmore Leonard. There is however, a new name that should be in this list. Not a new writer by any means but one that has caught me by surprise as being one of my favourites which may sound a bit silly because ofcourse you should be aware of who your favourites are, right? Well, I would say sometimes not, because in some instances you don’t realise how much something is impacting you or influencing you until you reflect on it a little bit. Sometimes these feelings need a little bit of a time to grow and fully form and then once they do there is no escaping them. Its this that has dawned on me today as I realised that Stephen King truly is, as I often say in a very bad Australian accent as a loving reference to one of my favourite podcast hosts, one of my guys.

For the past few years I have been reading more and more Stephen King novels. I haven’t necessarily been seeking them out but rather being drawn to them naturally and consuming them without really realising that he’s been my most read author some years now with Murakami probably coming in second. As we know though its never quantity over quality but then thats the thing, whilst some King novels are better than others all the ones that I have read so far have been absolute hits. When you’re as a prolific writer as Stephen King, I mean really the rate he is writing at is absolutely insane, I think you’re allowed to put out the occasional piece that is a bit off the mark and I’m sure that I will stumble across these novels in due course but so far that has happened as I’m still basking in the halcyon days of some truly wonderful writing. And this morning I finished the book that is the shining (okay, not the actual Shining) example of that.

One of my favourite films is ‘Stand By Me’. I remember watching it when I was little very clearly as if it was yesterday. It is probably one of the films that has had the biggest impact on me and certainly one of the longest lasting ones. There is a moment in it aswell that has stayed with me inparticular and one that I don’t think I’ll ever shake from my head which really, is probably a good thing despite how upsetting it is. It is a good reminder of mortality, as there can occasionally be. I wasn’t aware until about a week ago that ‘Stand By Me’ was based on a book called ‘The Body’ and ofcourse it was written by King. Although it isn’t one of his horror or thriller novels, in its own way it does still play upon both elements. In part to the occasional fleeting references to King’s other works that are set in Castle Rock (The ‘IT’ reference is particularly chilling). I am a huge admirer of when King places his works in the same universes and the fact that a fair few of his stories are coming out of Castle Rock is very exciting for me. I didn’t realise that ‘The Body’ was set there and it feels very fitting that it is as Castle Rock often revolves around its residents and characters having transformative experiences there and ‘The Body’ is certainly that. Its a coming of age story in the truest form, it may even be the defining coming of age story in my eyes. I won’t say why as if you haven’t read it or seen ‘Stand By Me’ then you definitely should but I will say that the moment in ‘Stand By Me’ that has stayed with me for all of these years, had as great an impact when I read it this rainy Sunday morning and I knew that it was coming. When I read through those pages I was completely transfixed as I was when I watched the film and I know that King’s words throughout that passage will now join the visuals from the film and will always haunt me. Reading ‘The Body’ has been quite the experience and it is the book that has cemented Stephen King as being one of my favourite writers. And I do mean at the very top. It wasn’t quite love at first sight, but the King and I are working our way there. Oh who am I kidding, I will now be forever singing ‘The Body’s praises and what a masterstroke of a narrative it is from Mr Maine himself. I’m in now, and there is no turning back.

-Jake, a man still too afraid to read ‘IT’, 05/06/2022

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father-time-and-baby-new-year · 3 years

Note

happy 200! i’m so glad to see your blog grow, it’s one of my favorites and i adore all your writing. i’ve never cried so much and i love the kind of unsettling feeling you write in your fics, it’s perfect in the category of yandere and dark content. in particular, i loved your drabble about shigaraki mourning over a dead reader and i’ve reread that one too many times to count haha! as for asks for headcannons and drabbles, it would be amazing to see that with bully!eren especially since he was such an awful person to the reader. i’d love to see him suffer honestly, but if you don’t want to write it, that’s completely fine! once again, i’m so proud of you for hitting 200! that’s such a huge milestone and hopefully, there will be many more in the future! :)

SYNOPSIS: bully!Eren has to navigate the world without you.

Pairing: Bully!Eren x Fem!Reader

A/N: I can't even explain in words how much I CHEESED at this message like my grin was ear to ear. can't explain how many times I read this. It singlehandedly made my day anon, and to repay you for my happiness....here is some angst. this is a slightly different route than the shiggy one but I hope it still suits you <3

TW: mentions of death, past dubcon/noncon, mentions of trauma, bullying, alcohol addiction, drunk driving, abusive behavior, revenge porn, nonconsensual photography/videography, mentions of infidelity, angst, so much of angst, violent behavior

WC: 2.5k

It's not like Eren had been doing a lot of soul-searching. He's not delusional enough to label his half-assed epiphany of "maybe I'm a shitty person" as soul searching.

It's just the conversation with his very sick mother burned holes through the back of his mind. Carla had asked about you and why you don't come by the house anymore. How she missed baking with you in the kitchen, and how you sweetly smiled whenever you would see soft creamy peaks form in the meringue.

Eren felt like he was swallowing needles as he assured his mother with false truths, that nothing was going on and distance between childhood friends is natural, and if it means so much--ok ok he'll bring you over.

He stays until he sees her chest slowly rising and falling into a gentle asleep. He touches the tip of his ears, unsurprised by how hot it was.

Eren, when you tell a lie, the tips of your ears turn red.

You're not at school the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.

Guilt is not an emotion he feels often but the events of the past weekend replay in his mind. It was just a dumb party that Floch threw, and he was surprised to find you cornered by a trio of thee dunderheads. Like a distorted fairytale, he swept you away from the bad guys like a knight in shining armor, to only shove you in an empty room and demand compensation for playing hero.

Fuck, with that big mouth, you would think that you'd know how to suck cock.

Use your tongue stupid slut. If you use teeth, I'll shove this dick in your ass without any prep.

No, I don't care, you're taking all of it.

There's a video on his camera roll. How could he not record it? You're sobbing, mascara running down your cheeks, looking so beautiful and ruined with jizz smeared at the corner of your mouth. He was brutally fucking your mouth, making you take all of his length.

Breathe through your nose dumb whore. Or else you're gonna run out of air.

You were pleading with whatever garbled sounds you were constricted into producing.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren is conflicted with muting the video because he can't stand to hear himself like that. But he didn't want to miss out on your pitiful whines.

He remembers the distraught expression on your face when he was finally done with you. He tucked himself inside, and sneered, "I've got a girl coming here. Get lost." You looked so fucking distraught. Why? All he did was make you suck his dick. He didn't even fuck you.

He should have. Eren thinks grimly when he stares at your empty desk on the first day you didn't show up to school. He's gotten off to the video more than enough times than he can count over the weekend, and he was aching to see your pretty face twisted into a terrorized expression when he flipped up your skirt to grope your ass.

Kindly, Eren decides he'd allow you to have a rest day. But the second day, Eren pays a visit to your house finding it dark and locked, like no one was home and hadn't been there for a while.

On the third day, you're declared missing.

Your incompetent workaholic mother who finally came home and decided to give a damn reported you missing to the authorities who had scratched their heads because as far as they knew, the pivotal 72 hours were up.

Paradis was surrounded by forests. No one wanted to say it, but they were all thinking it. If you got lost in there, chances are you wouldn't make it out.

Eren wasn't always this admired and fawned over. He had his fair share of behavioral issues that frightened people (not you though, not then at least, not when you were children, and you still came back every day to play).

But when he channeled that anger into sports, there was somewhat of a star in the making, especially for some small-town boy. He was becoming extremely popular, and that's nice and all, but at the end of the day, he has a mother whose health was taking a sharp decline. He was constantly under stress, stress that he took out on you.

Where did his favorite stress-ball go?

It's all fucking surreal. Having detectives in the school. Not that there were many students to question (because christ, did you even have any friends after Eren turned everyone against you?).

Eren was questioned. He can't help but mirthfully chuckle. Maybe this was your grand plan, maybe you were able to finally sort out a mountain of evidence against him. If you were going to fuck him over, didn't you want to see it happen with your own two eyes?

The dark-haired boy wishes that was true. If you had gotten your revenge, would you be here? No, revenge isn't the right word. If you got any justice for what he made you suffer, would you come back?

Hi, I'm Detective Hange. I would like to ask you some questions today. You're Eren Yeager, right?

Yes, that's me.

How do you know ___?

We were childhood friends. We're uh, we're not as close anymore.

When was the last time you saw her?

Friday night at Floch's party-

-Floch Forster right? There were a number of kids there from your school.

Yeah. It was a big party. She uh, doesn't usually come to parties but she was there that night.

You were the last person to be seen with her. Other kids have said that they saw you and her entering a room together, and then only her leaving the said room.

[Sigh] Yeah we sorta...hooked up.

I thought you said you guys weren't close anymore.

You can be not close to someone and still hook up with them.

But you guys were close once right?

Yeah. Once.

The dark-haired boy asks if he was under any suspicion. The detective waves their hand in a dismissive gesture, “If her diary tells us anything, it’s only that she really liked you.”

Were detectives even allowed to divulge that sort of information? Eren doesn’t know but the stray detail that they offered off-handedly made him feel like he was swallowing needles.

At that point, Eren honestly still doesn't believe you're gone. You had a habit of running away, even when you were little kids, but you always came back.

Still, he participates in the search parties with a renewed vigor, even going alone in the forest with a flashlight on most nights.

And he's just so fucking tired. The darkest crevice of his mind almost wishes you were dead because this ignorance was just agony. Almost. Because he still clings to the feeling that one day, he’ll stroll into class and find you in your seat in the back of the class, looking out the window like some cliche shojo manga protagonist.

There are folders and folders on his phone. Albums. The most recent one is dedicated to your crying face as you were choking on his dick. Earlier albums are composed of creepshots of your panties, of that obscene o-face, of your skirt flipped up and your ass cheeks, pictures of your cleavage, videos of you thrashing as he dunked your head into toilets like a villainous middle school bully.

Pictures of your neck covered in hickeys, your naked breasts, ass cheeks striped with red after getting spanked, your leaking cunt, just endless and endless media dedicated to pieces and pieces of your body like you were never a whole person.

The earliest ones though tell a different tale, from off-guards to your drooling face as you napped in the middle of the day.

He has a favorite picture. Your eyes are watery from the cold, snowflakes stuck between lashes, nose and cheeks flushed red, and you're smiling. Smiling right to the camera. Right at him.

"Eren, are you taking a picture?" You asked, bouncing in place, giddy that it was finally snowing.

"Not of you, shut up. Get out of the way." His voice is gruff but not harsh.

You laughed and jumped into frame anyway, and the bright streetlamp behind you made you seem like you were wearing a halo.

He wishes he had more pictures of you being...yourself. Because now your crying face displayed over countless pixels haunt him. But like a fucking degenerate, he still jerks off to all the nudes he coerced from you. Sometimes he cries when he's jerking off which is probably the most pathetic thing he's ever done. This is what you've reduced him to.

He hates the sound of his own voice.

Breathe through your fucking nose. This is for your sake. Otherwise, I don't mind face fucking your lifeless body. You'd be more useful that way anyways.

Eren goes through the motions of life without really feeling like he's in the moment. Seasons change and time flies. His mother dies, and his withdrawn father dies a year later. He proposes to Mikasa because it's something he was always supposed to do. She loves him unconditionally, so even when he doesn't put any effort into the relationship but proposes, she says yes hoping he'll change and be a good husband.

He doesn't go to his parents' funerals because they're already dead. What's the point. He doesn't visit the candlelight vigils in your honor either. After tearing his ACL again and a somewhat traumatic injury, he kisses his pro-football career goodbye. To be totally honest, he's relieved. Because he had gotten quite bored, and maybe he was looking for excuses to quit the entire time. It's not like you'd be cheering on the bleachers anyways.

Mikasa has an affair, more out of a desire to see her fiancé feel something for her as opposed to any burning lust. But when she asks him if he's ever cared at all, with tears springing out of her eyes, he's just calmly drinking his fifth of whisky.

The dark-haired man doesn't even look up, "Let's break up."

"Is this about her, huh? Fucking get over it already Eren. She's GONE. And you have some big fucking audacity moping about her death like you weren't making her cry in the bathroom stalls every fucking day you piece of shit."

"Get out."

"You know what, I bet she killed herse-"

SMASH

The dark-haired woman doesn't finish her rant because the whiskey bottle smashes on the wall next to her head, sending glass everywhere and staining the carpet amber. She's unharmed, knowing it wasn't Eren's intention to hit her but Jesus Christ, what a monster.

She packs her bags and leaves the town like she should have a long time ago. All her friends had left years before and she stayed behind because that's where Eren was. She thanks her lucky stars that they didn't marry.

It's funny because he had always imagined himself being the first to move out of their small town, but he's the one staying. He can't leave this place. feels too tethered to ever leave. Every diner and liquor store is saturated with memories of you. He remembers buying cigarettes and exhaling the smoke to your face to piss you off in empty parking lots.

Maybe he stays in case you'll come back.

Eren's days consist of alcohol-fueled hazes. He doesn't know how his liver is still functioning. He doesn't know he's still alive after crashing his car into a tree when he was drunk out of his mind. He was on his way to get some more vodka.

He barely recognizes himself in the mirror anymore, not that he looks at himself much. His hair is long, nestled around his shoulder because he couldn't be bothered to cut it, dark circles under viridian eyes, and a perpetual stubble on his jaw.

His parents had left quite a sizable inheritance so there's no need to work but he's good with his hands. Likes crafting up birdhouses and cabinets, and occasionally does odd jobs around the neighborhood, never charging the elderly.

He's under the sink, tinkering with a wrench against the pipes when he hears the old lady coo at him.

"We're so lucky to have you Eren. I'm surprised a handsome young man like yourself doesn't have a special lady. The girls must be lining up at your door!"

The dark-haired man winces, and offers no comment, knowing that that the older lady was susceptible to long tangents.

"You know, we're getting a new neighbor." Eren grunts as a response. "They're young, I've heard. Isn't that exciting? Oh my, Eren! I think they're gonna be living in the house right next to yours..."

He tunes out the rest of the conversation because doesn't really care. He just hopes his new neighbors are quiet.

It's Sunday noon when obnoxious noises of moving trucks and people wake him up from his deep slumber. Eren's annoyed to wake up despite the fact he's probably been sleeping over 15 hours. He oscillates between getting too much sleep and getting none, his sleeping habits completely dependent on his dreams.

His nightmares are too visceral, visions of your corpse asking him if he'd enjoyed hollowing your soul with his teeth.

His dreams are achingly sweet. You in your prom gown, shining so iridescently like diamonds were sewn into the silk. He's dancing with you, holding you close, and then after you guys go to your favorite diner and gorge on burgers and milkshakes.

There's a peal of distinctly feminine laughter that stirs up Eren's senses. He's so pathetic, was the mere sound of a woman laughing getting him excited?

He sighs. He thinks of the whore he's frequently visited because of her resemblance to you. Hair color, skin color, face shape--with enough alcohol, he could really convince the person beneath him, was you. Maybe it's time to give her a call, but she's gotten so fucking needy and he hated how her voice didn't match yours.

The green-eyed man peers from the lace curtains, irritated by the brats playing on his lawn. A full family next door? Great, just what he needs.

The friendly knock on his door breaks him out of his daze. He contemplates whether he should answer but on the second more muted knock, he lets his feet guide him.

He turns the knob.

And Eren Yeager completely shatters.

Because it's you isn't it? You're the person standing in front of him? He can hear what you're saying but he doesn't really register it, soaking in the cadence of a voice he had long forgotten because all he had were pleading whimpers and frenzied moans stored on his cell.

He's shaking. Is he dreaming? He's dreaming, right? He knows it's you. You're older, far more beautiful than he's ever seen you. You have a different hairstyle, wearing clothes he would have mocked you for, and there's this joyfulness within you that makes you glow.

There's a mess of emotions electrifying in the pits of his stomach from euphoria, anger, and dread. He could feel his skin growing clammy like he was about to vomit at any second.

"Hey, are you all right?"

Doe eyes full of concern peer up at him. He voices out the syllables of your name like a desperate prayer.

You tilt your head to the side, "How do you know my name?"

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