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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses · 7 months

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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point #not a shitpost #cptsd #and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer #the truth is i know why i wasn't loved #i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings #i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing #i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance #the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it #i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer #and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to #you can look for answers and reasons and explanations #but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation #*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air #new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust #like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be #when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole

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amphibianaday · 7 months

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day 1421

#uh just a heads up if you expand the tags to see all there's. a lot. very long #amphibian #frog #poison dart frog #based on my most popular frog to date (day 651)#inspired by everyone pointing out what they think it looks like #here's a fun secret fact the original guy is actually a phantasmal poison dart frog (Epipedobates tricolor)#(according to the original artists title of the drawing)#not Anthony's poison arrow frog (Epipedobates anthonyi)#i feel too awkward to really point it out though because they look the exact same. i cannot tell if there is a difference #im half convinced the same frog was just discovered and named twice #its very curious btw if you go on the (english) wikipedia page for either species it doesn't mention the other #while hereptiles.info (no idea if this is a trustworthy site) lists both names as common names for the same frog (incorrectly??)#while inaturalist lists them as two different frogs. curiously with tricolor having wayyyyy fewer photos #ok anyway that's my rant i went on a whole journey trying to figure out if these are the same frog or not and i have no answer #i did some more 'research' and i am more confused. some sources seem to imply they are now considered the same species ( e. tricolor)#i think my conclusion is i am willing to agree the drawing looks more like e. anthonyi. it seems like tricolor is generally less vibrant re #and the white is darker and more green?#i feel like thumblr should stop me from typing more in the tags at this point this is a whole essay #at this point i am failry convinced this is specifically the Santa Isabel frog. isthat the real subspecies or morph or whatever #or just the name pet sites are using to sell it??#i even found some sources (frog selling websites) refering to it as “Epipedobates Anthonyi 'Santa Isabel' Phantasmal Poison Dart Frog” lol #Anyways if you read this far hi. species are confusing. i am not a frog scientist #the first few tags are like an hour old now i just kept trying to figure it out and adding more tags

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dollsome-does-tumblr · 16 days

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which group do you find the most absolutely delightful at bringing the lolz together??

#this poll brought to you by: i was watching wwdits last night and thinking 'DAMN this ensemble is magical'#i have also been thinking that a lot in my b99 rewatch #so now: FIGHT!#dollsome does polls #(everybody i know being influenza-ridden including future me has got me crazy for polls these past few days)#(nothing briefly saves you from reality better than a tumblr poll!)#i think my answer is wwdits but choosing between wwdits and new girl brought me suffering #and also these are all my favorite and that's why i listed them

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knifearo · 2 months

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ultimately when it comes to shipping and fandom space treatment of aspec characters i just don't accept "aro/ace people can still date/have sex" as an answer from nonaspecs. like yeah. mhm. okay. now i think we both know that you're not saying that out of real interest in the diversity of aspec experiences. so you can turn in your seventeen-page essay on why and how you plan to examine this character's aspec identity within the context of a romantic or sexual relationship complete with evidence from canon and peer reviews from multiple aspec people within the next week or i'm putting you in the pit from the edgar allen poe story

#you know. the one with the pendulum #'hey. why are you as an allo person shipping this aspec character like this'#'oh aspec people can still date/have sex!'#'yeah. now can you answer the question that i actually asked you'#like goddamn just say you don't care they're aspec and you want to fulfill a sexual/romantic fantasy with them. that's Fine #it like. sucks. for sure. lotta aspec people will be unhappy with you. but everyone is entitled to their own wants and experiences.#but i'd prefer you just be honest with it rather than using our community's conversation points as retroactive justification #and ONCE AGAIN. you guys are real fucking cavalier with this shit and it shows a real fundamental lack of respect for aspecs #when most of you would NEVER ship a canonically gay character with the 'other' gender. cause again. it would suck.#you can do it. nobody's Stopping you. but it would suck.#and we understand that putting a queer character in situations that erase that queerness is shitty! until it comes to aspec characters!#and whoa... there it is again... people don't consider aspec identities to be queer... crazy how it always comes back to that #anyway. you all know what i'm talking about. have seen many posts about this lately #it is [ long sigh ] unfortunately a very hot button issue with the advent lately of alastor hazbinhotel #which. again. god i wish there were other canon aspec characters to be having this conversation about.#but we'll have to do our best with what we have #aromantic #aromanticism #arospec #aroace #talking #aspec #asexual #asexuality

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yashley · 5 months

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#critical role #cr lb #ygifs #imogen #and now I'm like did imogen have her own reason for not even going near the raven queen did she pray to her for her mother #thinking her mother was dead was gone and the goddess of death had her and it was just a little girl praying at her bedside #take care of her mother. tell her how much she misses her. she misses her so much. and the raven queen never answered #and she could find no comfort not even in a deity who brought eternal rest there was no solace. and there was no correction #did she pick a god and pray? for her mother to come back. for her father not to hate her. for someone to look at her like shes not a monste #that all this time this certified atheist to have zero interest in the gods or helping them not because she genuinely didn't care #but because once upon a time the little girl she used to be cared so much. and prayed so hard. never seeing the red veil around her #damning her from the grace of the gods #and isn't that just what a monster deserves #not even a gracious god will find you special enough you feel like nothing to them because you are nothing to them #and it's like is that true or is such an evil force preventing their light and it's like I'm chewing but I'm choking #I had to stop looking at laura's face because it was making me too craaazzzyy she'd just be like (bafta) and I'd be like (SCREAMING)#hey matt if this is a birdcall to make imogen a paladin tweet tweet beautiful man

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theminecraftbee · 5 months

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task: answer the following question. do you believe in curses? respond as completely with relevant information as possible.

Grian: Well, that's a lie. This isn't a task. I know it's not a task, I set the things up! Not sure why we're getting a question as pointless as this one, but sure, mysterious scroll, I'll answer. There's no such thing as curses, unless you're Timmy, in which case it's funny, yeah? Besides, I didn't actually kill Etho. Even if that did count, self-fulfilling prophecies aren't the same thing as curses, and I know which one I fall under.

Joel: Do I believe in bloody curses what kind of question is that? Do I really get hearts just for answering this? This feels like a prank or something... well, whatever. There are no such thing as curses, except the Boogeyman curse, which I sort of had today, but it wasn't actually the same at all. A lot of the bloodlust, sure, but a lot more... Etho had to be the one to do it, huh? And it's not the same. Not comforting. That's a stupid thing to say actually. Take it out of wherever you're putting this. Cut it out of the recording. Comforting. Please. As if it were ever... Yeah, I'm done actually. Don't have a good answer. Go away.

Scott: What, other than Jimmy? Bless that man, he may not have died first, but he sure tried his best. Sure, I'll believe Jimmy is cursed. I mean, mostly he's just kind of stupid. Lovingly so. I mean, despite him being stupid, I put up with him, right? That seems like a complete answer to this question. Jimmy's an omen but we put up with him anyway. That's all.

Mumbo: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

Pearl: Oh, I mean, I'm probably cursed. That's what everyone liked to say at one point. I think... I mean, I think this time I have good friends, which is nice. They don't think I'm cursed. And it's not like I--I mean, it's surprisingly fun, acting cursed! And I am just acting. Acting scary, blowing up dance floors, all of that. And I don't really have to this time, so... Maybe I'm not cursed? And since it's acting, it's not real? This is a weird question.

Etho: Oh, man, that's a question. Um, do I have to answer? Because I feel like if I say no, that's really just asking for it, but if I say yes, I have to explain myself. Uh, I think I'm abstaining, unless the zombie thing from earlier counts. That was scary and I hated it. Curses are scary and I hate them in general, but apparently I'm good at them, if you ask everyone else. Um, it's not the only thing I find scary that apparently I'm good at.

Scar: Why, of course I believe in curses! Look at poor, poor... Timbert? Timmy? Jim? Gosh, sorry, I'm very tired right now. That's more proof of curses, by the way! That I'm tired. I've been tired straight since the desert, let me tell you what. And that, my friends, is a curse like no other. What a terrible beast, loneliness is. Wish me luck breaking it, because it's not happening this season!

Cleo: Oh, you mean the thing people like to blame instead of their own actions? Nah. My soulbond was kind of a curse, I guess, but even that's at least half just... bad people. Bad relationships. Good ones, too. We're all just doing what you can, you know? No script, no curses, no characters, just... Oh, I hope everything turns out tomorrow. Sorry, that's unrelated. It's just nicer to hope than to preemptively blame things on curses that don't exist.

Impulse: Well, I mean, I didn't until you just asked me that, but now I feel like I should. Wouldn't that be nice? Being cursed instead of just sort of unlovable? Sorry, no, that's mean to Gem. I shouldn't say that about Gem, she's been good this season. Super, super cursed, mind you, in the like, game mechanic sense? But she's been good, no backstabbing or inability to get love involved. Um, and I guess that's not fair to Bdubs, kind of, except it also totally is and I haven't forgiven him. So I guess if they ask I said I believed in curses, and that's why my life keeps circling clocks? Don't put any of that other stuff down, I'm trying to work on that.

Lizzie: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

Gem: I was just cursed for a task, but that probably isn't what you're asking about, right? I'm new, so I don't know! A task is a concrete thing to believe in, like bloodshed or victory or fun and games. You don't have to believe in those to know they're real, either! They just are, whether you like it or not. I understand that much!

Tango: Gah, don't talk to me about... Deep breaths. Look, I don't care if it's a curse, or if it's just me being really bad, or what, I'm not going out pointlessly this time. Jimmy managed not to die first, I can manage to not go out to a stray arrow or my own bomb or a misstep this time, right? Is that so much to ask?

Skizz: Huh? Curses? I mean, I don't think so, and to be totally honest I think it's kind of mean the way people sometimes rag on people about them. Everyone's got so many good things about them! Why do people like to focus on the unfortunate luck, huh?

Bdubs: Hah! Curses! Let me tell you about curses. When I see curses, I eat them for breakfast. I don't got curses, I've got better things to do! I've got my buddies with the Mounders, and I've got-well, I'd say keeping Etho safe, but he's being weird at me again this season. Not that it matters. It never matters. Etho and I, we're... The point is, that doesn't matter anyway, because I have the Mounders, and they're the ones who matter here. And because I'm a strong, independent Bdubs, who doesn't need anyone but my bow and my perfect, flawless fighting prowess! Sorry, what was the question? I've been thinking so much lately that it's just sort of made everything else pop out of my head, so it's hard to keep track. I'm sure I answered it flawlessly, though.

Martyn: Of course there are curses. That's half the fun for you lot, isn't it? Putting your little curses on us and watching us rail against them. Bet you think it's real cute to ask us what we think of the things, too. "Oh, what do you think of curses," like we have any control over them. Please. If I had any control over curses, Jimmy--or, well, no, I guess that one was technically broken, wasn't it? Sure doesn't feel like it. Point is, curses are bad, and they're definitely real, and I hate you for them, got it?

BigB: Look, man, if you're trying to get me to write my character out for you, just say so! I won't tell anyone. We can come up with a hole thing about holes and red tasks and the Backrooms together! It'll be fun! After all, you probably don't know what kind of curse to say I have, right? Haha, just kidding. I have no idea what I'm talking about. Luckily, neither does anyone else, so I think that evens out between the lot of us.

Jimmy: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

#secret life smp #a bee fic #not tagging everyone in this because it's. everyone #anyway i have wanted to write this for like TWO WEEKS so i figured that now's as good a time as any #anyway this is probably as thinly disguised as my character meta gets #we talk a LOT in this fandom about curses #we talk about whether we like them as fanon we talk about whether we dislike them we talk about who has them we talk about why #we talk about if they're here or broken or anything else #so i'd like to think the characters have an opinion on curses too after how much talking about them we've been doing #...at least the characters around to tell us their opinions do.#(anyway for all I claim this is thinly disguised character meta it IS actually of note that this isn’t actually about if they believe)#(but instead about how they’d respond if they were asked)#(hence why half of them don’t even answer the right question)#(this is why I’m not good at character meta btw)

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tomatoart · 2 months

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150yr old still serves their Coke the old fashioned way

#trigun #millions knives #trigun stampede #not a fan of tristamp tbh i just liked his design n wanted to draw it. isnt my dog so cute also this is from last year n i jus FORGOT #ALSO ILL ANSWER ASKS TODAY SO SORRY moving is almost done . happy to announce i have a bed now after sleeping on the floor #pr0shits dni idk why I gotta put that on all my tri art -_-

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 4 months

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Bonus 9: So that's where the turtle came from!

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #bonus comic #tulu xuanwu #lan sizhui #Thank you Stackedbirds for the inspiration behind this comic!#The original plan was that they would kill the turtle - only for it to be revealed there was little baby turtles she was protecting #and those turtles left the cave to then be chilling in a river by yi-city 20 years later.#This version has less turtle death and is way more straightforward.#But yes; A-Qing's turtle was always supposed to be linked to the tulu xuanwu. I enjoy call-backs and set-ups immensely.#What other creatures does LSZ have in his sleeve pockets? What other endangered beasts have been accidently translocated?#Will the turtle ever make an appearance again? So many questions. Which I will now answer:#1) At least one rabbit and a few songbirds have made a permanent home in there.#2) I like to think all the cultivators leaving baoshan sanren's mountain are accidently translocated endangered creatures.#3) Yes. The tulu xuanwu will be pivotal presence in the climax of the story. Dare I say - the hero of the darkest hour.

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teenagenutant · 1 year

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THE DUDES!! the last of the donnie fusions, and the most likely to make pipe bombs

#tmnt #rottmnt #fusion mayhem au #tmnt fusions #my turtle art #...last other than. you know. ones with april and casey and more than two of them if i ever do those *falls over #now to answer all the asks that i wanted to have all the main designs done for YIPPEEEE #also newton's color is that neon green because its the opposite to both donnies purple and mikeys orange^^#fmau

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becca-e-barnes · 10 months

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I’m literally drooling over the thought of sensitive Bucky whimpering and whining while fucking your tits and thighs he’s so pathetic and needy all he wants is to make you feel good and to fill you with his cum even if it overstimulates him

Okay, tit fucking is great and all but thigh fucking is SO underrated in my humble opinion. Could just be the fact I've got a small chest though lmao

It's so fun when you're already really into it and the insides of your thighs are all slick. I feel like Bucky would lose it, getting to see your face and look in your eyes and enjoy your body.

It's a nice one to do while laid on your side, facing each other. Although the angle isn't quite right for him to slip inside you, it's fun to explore the other ways your bodies can steal pleasure from one another.

"This isn't going to work, sweetheart." You can't help but laugh, having already tried everything you can think of to make the height difference work. There's no way to keep this romantic and intimate in that position because there's just no chance of aligning your bodies properly to allow him to press inside you.

"Maybe not. But it feels nice anyway." His eyes flutter shut, gliding his dick over the smooth, soft, warm insides of your thighs, encouraged by how slick and easy your arousal makes the movement.

You adjust yourself to bring your other thigh on top of his length, closing him in on both sides.

You're wet enough that friction doesn't impede his movement too much and there's something oddly romantic about it. Maybe it's his hand smoothing the back of your head or his other hand up your back, pulling your body closer to his.

It's so intimate, watching his face as he whines your name, rutting senselessly against your thighs. The little flush to his cheeks is beautiful and you can't resist kissing the thin sheen of sweat on his forehead. The thick duvet on top of you both, coupled with your combined body heat means the room is far hotter than you'd planned.

You take a second to reach between your bodies, spreading your wet folds and readjusting his length, letting him drag his cock against your neglected clit with each stroke and oh, that's pretty mind-blowing.

"O-oh my God." He whines, desperately fucking himself against your wet cunt, rather than into it. It's a different kind of pleasure to being inside you and while they're not comparable sensations, it doesn't stop this from feeling fantastic.

"Fuck, that's good." You groan, rolling your hips to meet his. Your fingers dip between you once more, gathering some of your slick arousal, using it to glide your fingertips over the underside of his shaft and over his balls.

"Holy shit, that's - fuck." Bucky's hardly got a coherent thought left in his head. He's closed in on both sides by your wet, soft thighs and now your fingers are giving him a different sensation underneath while pressing him against your soaked sex.

"I know, baby. Feels good, doesn't it?" Your fingertips trail lightly back and forth over the underside of his shaft, focusing on the inch or so beneath the tip.

"I can't... I need to cum." He groans, thrusting frantically, clinging to your body to keep you close. Within a few seconds, you feel his dick pulse under your fingertips, his cum coating the inside of your thighs in hot, thick, messy spurts.

He doesn't waste a second, kissing your forehead before kissing your neck and whispering "Good girl. Now let me watch you get yourself off with my cum on your fingertips."

#asks answered <3 #becca writes spice #anon #needy!bucky #Bucky Barnes x reader smut #bucky barnes smut #sub!bucky #was this one something I've been fortunate enough to try? Absolutely.#and has it bounced around in my head ever since?? yep #I've got so many 💦sports asks #and I've been really hesitant to answer them bc I have people I know irl on here now #but honestly if my interests so far haven't freaked you out #those probably won't either #I made the best overnight oats last night I've been thinking about them all day #white chocolate chunks with raspberries and peanut butter #with oat milk #and I'm using that to distract me from the fact I'm locked out of my work emails and I can't do my Sunday evening email clear up #it's freaking me out that I can't get into them #that'll mean I have so much to do tomorrow morning #I'll probably lose my hour home on the train tomorrow trying to catch up #I love my hour to work and my hour home from work on the train #that's my me time #where I read my silly little book and chill

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withasideofshakespeare · 19 days

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#shakespeare #polls #woah! more Shakespeare polls??#I’m in a very Shakespeare-y mood right now #as a neurodivergent queer and disabled person #my answer is all of the above #I might have to sit on this one actually #I *think* my answer is Edmund

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amphibianaday · 7 months

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Hello I would like to request your favourite little freak(amphibian) for day 1432

day 1432

#amphibian #frog #toad #european common toad #i had to look up what 1432 means but i think its cute #i interpret this as just my favorite amphibian which is the common toad #i think you can tell from my art that its one of the amphibians i instinctually go for when i have no specific species to draw #i know its a boring answer but its a good frog. plain and simple #and its the one i've actually interracted with the most irl :)#and more specifically we had a toad that lived in the drain in the cellar in a previous house #its where we had all the laundry stuff. so we called him laundry frog. he is like the patron saint of laundry. to me #laundry frog specifically is my favorite little freak #laundry frog #oops i think i forgot to save the alt text #it should be fixed now but i have no idea how that works in relobgs

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muzzleroars · 3 months

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Risen V1 behaving like a weird, angelic bug birb war-bot

its personality didn't change a bit

#still gets blood all over his fur lol #crawls all over him #it can now just land on him like a dragonfly #cake answers #risen v1 #fallen gabriel #gabv1el #hi. im finally getting back to asks!!!!#i have quite a few drafted and several still in the box but im here!!!!

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berlingotesque · 4 months

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Average Bendy enjoyer experience right now.

#a bit late but yeah #batim fans how are we feeling right now #was drowning under work when I heard about the movie so merry christmas to me I guess #AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU WHO CELEBRATE IT #batim #batdr #bendy and the ink machine #bendy and the dark revival #bendy movie #also people who sent me asks DON’T LOSE HOPE I’m still answering it when I have more free time <3

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starrylevi · 8 months

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Levi who has an untitled album in his phone and it’s all pictures of you. Most are candids in which you’re caught off guard. He’s talented at taking pictures without you noticing. There’s a picture of you sleeping, another of you snuggled up against his chest, one of you belly laughing, and more. However, his favorites are the ones that are the most ordinary, the ones that you personally don’t think are all that special. In these pictures you’re doing the most mundane things like laundry, washing the dishes, watching television, engaging in your favorite hobby, etc. He thinks you look beautiful in all of them. He doesn’t believe there needs to be a reason for him to take these pictures. You simply existing is reason enough for him.

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nelkcats · 1 year

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Phantom Park

Look, Danny hated clowns, he really hated them, but theme parks? He loved them, when one of the tours came to Amity his Rogues agreed with the feeling after having fun for hours.

And they offered a truce in exchange of forming their own thematic park for a while, and go over the world, wich sounded bad at first, he didn't want to leave Amity, but some vacations...

Ghost thematic Park it is

So, they created a lot of attractions, give Ember her own concerts, Skulker had a place showing how to hunt, Johnny and Kitty had fun with their motorcycles, Technus was administrating some cool games, Lunch lady was making some food for everyone and he had his own ice rollercoaster, they were having so much fun ¡they even made some money!

Now, if only the heroes stayed out of their business would be wonderful, this was the six time he was being "interrogated", they were traveling for god sake, they have a schedule, Batman didn't appreciate it

But Danny didn't care what Batman thought, they weren't metas, they weren't invading anything and everything was legal, the lord of vengeance could go sulk elsewhere, and he let him know, the six times he couldn't find anything

Really, it was not his problem if Harley, Ivy and Klarion liked the park, villains have free time too, his own rogues were having fun and Red Hood, Arsenal, Kid Flash and Nightwing were eating ice cream with them!

Is not his problem if they were too "bright" for the "heroes" or whatever, Flash was the only one with some respect at the end of the day when they passed his city

Seriously, most of the heroes were treating them like criminals, dealers or simple villains, which was starting to frustrate him a lot, his rogues tried to comfort him, but the brilliant and dumb heroes didn't understand, ¡This is a truce! his own "villains" (he never saw them as such) were laughing, playing, and completely peaceful without causing anything harmful

At some point in the interviews, Danny got fed up, did the heroes want to play this game? Fine, there's a reason people say don't treat someone like a villain or they'll see themselves as one, and even though Danny wasn't bad, none denied that he was petty, so at his next stop he decided, it was time to prove how haunted the park was and teach these guys a lesson

#danny phantom #dp x dc #danny fenton #dc x dp #justice league #They called JLD #JLD didn't answer #Danny and his rogues are having fun #Ghosts are having fun #heroes are not #the park was suspicious #Superman told them all of the workers were dead or didn't have a heartbeat #thats why they are interrogating #Flash just wanted cotton candy #Now all the heroes are trapped in a haunted park #They will show them about villains and haunted places #There are more attractions I only mention some of them #The Park has no clowns

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