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pasta-in-the-pudding · 2 days

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Thank youuu, maayybbee a comforting headcanons about your choice of Creepypasta with a reader who is like uh like really really tired in all sort of ways that they won’t cooperate in anything, mind being so nice to give them a whole slideshow of their messed up childhood and

Y’know just a really fucked out reader

Sorry if it’s y’know too much or anything, you can do it whenever you want!

-🐰

I love writing comfort scenarios <33

Credits to divider goes to saradika-graphics! Go follow them and support their works

Thank you so much for requesting!!

Ticci Toby

He understands that sometimes, everything is too much and your brain just kind of shuts down

But he is also a very anxious person

So when he sees you laying in bed, the exact same position you were in when he left in the morning, he gets a little concerned

Have you moved at all? Have you eaten? Drank anything? Taken a shower?

But he respects your privacy and doesn't ask you about it, assuming maybe you just wanted a lazy day to yourself

So he brings his dinner up to you that night, sharing just in case this is in fact the first you've eaten all day

And when you continue this behavior the next day, he begins to panic

The other creeps know something's up too, or at least, E.J does, because once Toby gets home E.J approaches him about it

"Hey, I asked y/n to clean the equipment they used in the gym last time and they just said no. They also seemed pretty lethargic, barely moving or breathing at all. Nothing to worry about right now, but it is concerning."

And with that, he walks off, seemingly not even wanting an answer, just wanting to give Toby a heads up

So once again, Toby goes to your room once again, seeing that you still haven't moved

"You haven't moved." He says

"Mhm" you respond absently, scrolling on your phone

"Have you eaten today?" He asks, beginning to get nervous

"Mhm" you respond once more, though it's not a real response it's just one to make him happy

"Um. EJ said you didn't want to clean the gym equipment you used?" He fidgets with his fingers now, picking at the dry skin

"Mhm" Is the only thing you say, and the only thing you're going to say he realizes

So he comes to sit on the bed next to you, moving some of your hair out of your face (if you have any, if you don't he rubs your back) "Are you ok? You can talk to me, you know? I love you"

This seems to trigger something in you, because instantly a flood of tears happens

This startles him, but he continues to comfort you nonetheless

He pulls you up and drapes your arms over his shoulders, while his go around your body, rubbing your back and head

He doesn't talk because he doesn't want to overwhelm you, so he silently rubs you and kisses you until your sobs turn into sniffles

"Let me take care of you tomorrow?" He asks, pulling away to look into your eyes

You pull him back into the hug and nod "please"

Jeff The Killer

Jeff doesn't really know how to deal with his own emotions, let alone someone else's

So when he sees you in a funk, he decides to just leave you alone and let you deal with it yourself, because he doesn't trust himself enough to actually help instead of hurt

But this of course, it seen as him leaving you in your time of need from your perspective

So this only makes matters worse, causing you to snap at others for small things, like when Toby accidentally bumps into you while you are on the way to get another snack

He of course, apologizes profusely, but it just isn't your day so you yell at him and tell him to be more careful next time

When Jeff gets home, Toby is talking about the incident with another creep

Not in a malicious way, but in a concerned way

This peaks Jeff's interest "What are you saying about my partner over there??"

"I'm just worried is all. They totally blew up after I accidentally bumped into them" Toby says, putting his hands up defensively

Jeff scoffs and rolls his eyes, already tired of the mood you're in

So he goes up to your room and walks in angrily saying "Why are you being such a dick? What'd Toby ever do to you?"

You don't feel like arguing, so you snuggle further into your bed

He laughs at this "Seriously? You're gonna ignore me? Listen dude, I don't know who you think you are but I really don't like this fucking color on you. Fix your attitude before I fix it for you" And with that he slams your door

Next day, you bump into each other in one of the hallways, and he tries to talk to you obviously seeing you still upset, but you push past him

Or at least try to

He quickly catches you and pins you against a wall "Just listen to me, won't you?!" he yells

This is all too much for you, so you begin to cry, bowing your head so maybe he won't see it

He softens at this, loosening his grip and looking at you confusedly "Why....why are you crying?"

"Why are you being so mean to me??" You ask as you sob

He sighs and brings you into a tight hug "Ok.....Ok tell me how long you've been upset"

"A long time!" You say truthfully "It's not even about Toby!"

"Why didn't you say anything??" He asks, cradling your head against his shoulder

You grip onto his chest and try to catch your breath before talking "Because you left and I thought you didn't want to see me!" You whine in a fast, high pitched voice

Despite this, he seems to catch every word "No, baby, baby....I always wanna see you I just didn't wanna hurt you...." He whispers into your head

"But you did!" You say into his shoulder

"I know....I'm sorry" He rubs your back a bit before kissing your head

"....really?" you sniffle

"Yeah" He pulls away and lifts your head to kiss your forehead, before pulling you back into the hug

You are quiet for a while, standing in the hallway and holding each other before you finally break the silence "it did feel good to cry"

He snorts and pulls away "Well I'm glad you liked it, because now I have snot and spit all over my hoodie"

You smile and kiss his nose "You love it"

Ben Drowned

Barely moving himself, he probably won't notice for a little bit

But when he does, he just assumes you're in a lazy mood, So he tries to snuggle up with you in bed

You flip over, avoiding his touch which makes him raise an eyebrow "Hey, you ok? It's cool if you just wanna be alone but this isn't like you"

"I'm fine" you say quickly

"....oookay.....do you want me to leave you alone?" He asks, his face changing from confused to concerned

You don't answer for a long while, but when you finally do you say "no"

"ok" he says simply, staying to his own side of the bed while he plays video games

Eventually, you begin to cry softly, and you flip back over to snuggle into his chest, wrapping your arms and legs around him like a koala

He looks at you for a moment before putting the game aside for a second and petting your head "I thought you said you were ok?"

You shake your head and cling harder

"Alright, c'mere" he says, pulling you up into his lap and putting your head in the crook of his neck

You try to hide your face away in his shoulder, but he grabs your chin before you get the chance "Hold still, I wanna kiss you" he says

With this, he kisses anywhere he can reach, eventually letting you drop your head back onto his shoulder while he grabs onto your arm and kisses from your shoulder all the way down to the tips of your fingers

Once he is done, he looks down at you, seeing that you are now only sniffling he uses a knuckle to wipe away any remaining tears "now are you ok?"

You nod and wrap your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek "Good. I like seeing you happy"

He then pecks your lips and hands you another controller, so that you can play the previously discarded game together

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thexmistress · 3 days

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The Dilemma

Sukuna x Reader

🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮Warnings:: Angst of course, slight mention of sex, manipulation, toxic relationship, spineless reader, etc etc :p 🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮

That feeling you get when you try your hardest to reach out but your efforts go in vain. That feeling you get that rises up from the bottom of your stomach….. traveling up your chest… then to your heart where it festers…. The pain is so unbearable but for some reason you find comfort in it…. It gives you reassurance that you still have some fight in you… still have hope that you can keep the remnants of your relationship from deteriorating. You started off strong at first, you truly did, but now it just feels like you’re in the middle of ocean trying to keep afloat on a wooden plank. You felt useless and overwhelmed.

Looking down at your phone you see that all 6 of your messages were read by Sukuna earlier this morning. Your last message being a ‘Good Morning ❤️’ accompanied by a ‘Read 7:34am’. You knew this was bound to happen sooner or later. You should’ve known this was coming and prevented it but you kept opening your mouth and kept fucking things up. Chuckling to yourself as you put your phone down and continued to paint on your canvas but that feeling again was starting to creep up to your chest, and before you knew it, your eyes began to water while you struggle to keep your hand straight. Who knew drawing a line could be so hard? You try to focus on the painting but your mind keeps going back to the last conversation you guys had 2 days ago.

🝮🝮🝮🝮

“I just think it’s weird how she’s always calling you….. like I understand you guys are friends but really baby? It’s literally 12am… I think that’s a bit much…” you peeped at the clock on the nightstand and noted the time was actually ‘12:40am’. Your voice that once held passion and certainty came out timid, scared that if you said something wrong it would upset him, but even then your efforts go in vain as you see your lover roll his eyes at you and sigh heavily as he began to rub his face with hands exasperatedly.

It’s that feeling again. You feel it bubbling in your stomach as you instantly regret what you just said but it was already too late the moment he opened his mouth and began to invalidate how you feel like usual. It was always the usual to you so much to the point where you started to second guess your own feelings. Your gaze that was on the floor flickered back up to him catching a quick glance at his eyes but the moment you seen the annoyance that flooded his eyes you quickly look away not being able to handle the way it made that feeling in your stomach skyrocket to your chest. “Are you really starting this bullshit again? Really Y/N?”

His questioning lingered in the air for a few seconds until he felt even more annoyed by your silence. “Well you brought it up right? Why you not saying anything? Look at me when I’m talking to you like a normal fucking adult!” The tone of his voice made you snap your eyes up, holding back tears but the stinging feeling it was causing in your eyes wasn’t helping. “Why are you crying? Why-“, stopping mid sentence he pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers and sighed, “Listen. I’m not going to explain this again. Mei is just a friend. I don’t see you making this a big deal when Yuji or one of the bros call me around this time. Mei is a bro. A. Friend.”

🝮🝮🝮🝮

That’s right. Just a friend. Okay maybe you are toxic….. you make a mental note to not bring that up again but you’re starting to feel it. Starting to feel tired of everything. The no text backs unless he feels like it, how he’s so quiet on the phone and you’re always carrying the conversation, the ‘parallel play’ that you’ve become accustomed to and the fact you didn’t even know it was a thing until you were on Reddit asking strangers were you wrong for wanting to spend time with your boyfriend alone instead of always sharing him with his bros. You will always remember that day but only because of how much his words shattered you.

🝮🝮🝮🝮

“Bro what the fuck! Kill him!” Sukuna was yelling at his monitor fully engaged in the game with his headset on both ears but the volume was still loud that you can hear the giggles of his friends through them. It was the typical people in the PlayStation party; Satoru, Yuji, Suguru, and Utahime. You peeked at him but returned your attention back to your kdrama you were watching on your phone (had to get romance from somewhere right?). You couldn’t help but to start to feel annoyed and a bit angry at the fact that you were supposed to be over his house to spend time with him since he was off from work today. You usually wouldn’t mind this but lately that’s all you guys have been doing and it’s starting to bother you. Come over his house, sit on his bed while he plays the game then fuck.. How Romantic.

Before you went home you spoke about how you felt and how it feels like you were getting the bare minimum since you were the main one who would suggest hanging out or making plans, the main one calling first, the main one trying to make conversation because if you don’t speak he’s more than likely not going to start a conversation…. It’s like you’re just here. You were nervous and felt like you just committed blasphemy for even letting that slip out your lips and apparently he thought the same to because he gave you a look as if you just stabbed him in the chest and you can’t really remember all the things he said but what will forever stick to you was when he said,

“why are you measuring my love with ‘effort’? If you love me and I do give you the bare minimum that should be enough.”

🝮🝮🝮🝮

You didn’t even noticed you stopped painting until you started to sniff realizing that you were crying. You put down your paintbrush and wiped your tears and nose as you picked up your phone to see no notifications from Sukuna as expected but you couldn’t help but to feel a little hope that he would text you. It’s been 2 days since you’ve heard from him and you’re trying really hard not to come off as clingy so you’ve been sticking to texting him and not holding it against him because like he always says he’s a bad texter.

You go on instagram to see that he posted yet another story and you can’t help but to start another turmoil within yourself…..

‘Am I truly asking for too much?’

‘Am I too invested?’

‘Is it too much to ask for a clingy, emotional available boyfriend?’

You sighed as took a picture of the almost finished portrait of Sukuna and posted it on your instagram story before sending it him with a text that follows ‘Almost done! 😊’. You were about to put your phone down until you felt a vibration causing you to look back down at the screen to see him reply ‘❤️’. Suddenly you felt lighter and that nagging feeling went away causing you to feel nothing but relief.

See, he still loves me.

#sukuna x reader #sukuna angst #angst #fanfic #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jjk angst #jjk sukuna #sukuna #oneshot #toxic relationship #toxic love #yuji itadori #gojo satoru

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starrylevi · 8 months

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Levi who has an untitled album in his phone and it’s all pictures of you. Most are candids in which you’re caught off guard. He’s talented at taking pictures without you noticing. There’s a picture of you sleeping, another of you snuggled up against his chest, one of you belly laughing, and more. However, his favorites are the ones that are the most ordinary, the ones that you personally don’t think are all that special. In these pictures you’re doing the most mundane things like laundry, washing the dishes, watching television, engaging in your favorite hobby, etc. He thinks you look beautiful in all of them. He doesn’t believe there needs to be a reason for him to take these pictures. You simply existing is reason enough for him.

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tiredstressedemotionalmess · 7 months

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me, every night for the past three weeks: oh im feelin good rn! and i had a good day today!! im definitely not gonna lie awake filled with anxiety and dread over my future tonight :D

me, lying in bed 20 minutes later looping famous last words: by talos this cant be happening

#its like im fine literally all day qnd then i start to get ready for bed and the Dread sets in #like its an actual physical feeling in my stomach and i just suddenly out of nowhere have to hold myself back from crying #i literally go from perfectly happy to on the verge of tears in an INSTANT and idk whats causing uty #it #like i know broadly ehat the causes are but idk whats causing the specific switch at night #am i tired?? is it just bc im tired??? bc its not consistently at the same time and most of the time i dont *feel* tired #or is it just like. i knoe im going to bed so i know im gonna be alone with my thoughts and so they all come and hit me at once???#idk idk idk i just know i hate it and i want it to stop i want everything to fucking stop #id say i need a minute to breathe but really ive been using the past four months as my minute to breathe & thats part of the fucking problem #because ive been putting this all off for so long bc its so overwhelming but now theres so much igotta do and theres real tangible deadlines #so i cant keep putting it off but i DO and its just making it all even more overwhelming and my parents arent fucking helping #but its not even their fault because im chosing not to talk to them about this bc talking to them about it makes it all real #and i dont want it to be real yet im not fucking ready for it to be real yet i just need a goddamn minute TO FUCKING BREATHE #i wish i could freeze time and just give myself a day where none of this matters #actually a days not long enough i think i need like. two weeks. two weeks for me to get my shit together where none of this bullshit exists #and i can just do whatever i want and not have to think about deadlines and decisions and the fact that this is all ive wanted since the #7th fucking grade and now that its actually here i cant fucking stomach the thought of it being real because im a goddamn coward who cant #fucking commit to anything or get themself to DO anything and i know its not really my fault bc i probably have adhd and i get #knocked off my ass with a migraine every ither fucking day but i still feel like i should be more prepared for this than i am #and im not prepared and im not ready and i cant get myself ready because i cant do things like this myself because i dont really want to be #doing them at all #like sure! the bitch can write a 400+ page fanfiction no fucking problem!! they can find time for that but a college essay?? even finding #schools to apply too???? dont be fucking ridiculous they cant even get half an app done in the time it takes them to write a two 6k chapters #delete later

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blndspotting · 11 months

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yeah im trying to be positive but i am not passing statistics

#bit of a vent #but my god im just so tired of everything that i don't even care if i fail anymore #like i literally feel like i wanna crawl out of my skin and just hide away #but i can't cause if i dont finish what the hell am i supposed to do bro #i dont wanna have to retake this class and i don't think i'd survive if i did it again #cause i was so overwhelmed the entire semester that i just don't think i can take much more of this #much more of anything really cause ive been crying for the past 20 minutes #im just fucking exhausted. i feel like that all the time but rn its really hitting me

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beebundt · 10 months

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i have. 35 attacks left. to revenge. ive gotten like. 15 out of 45 or smth i dont remembor the number

i naur realistically i dont have to revenge them all but also. i really really do love and appreciate the arts wahhhh. i want to hang all of them on my wall to look at forever. and i def want everyone to know i appreciate and that every art is rlly meaningful to me 🥺

#me looking at friends whoeve warned me ahead of time 🫣#dont get me wrong its so fun but also im trying not to burn myself out so im taking it slow WAHHH #my goal rn is focus on mutuals and friends. then the rest #im motivated fr though. i just dont want get art block and get tired halfway thru by trying to rush thru everything #i shall do what i. can. i am excited though #bee buzzes #also i cant even explain the overwhelming inspiration seeing my characters in dif styles and takes has on me ???#i licherally want to draw all of them immediately. like this is the biggest motivator ever its insane #like me taking breaks from artfight by doing some enako stuff. and tbh i think its really great. ive been messing more with backgrounds #and environments and etc etc #i think its perhaps been the best ive been in a long time? experimentally too. and im having fun! i feel less... stuck and so s unmotivated #and the best part is that its all been really fun. geniunely. if anything im proud of myself thinyear #this year i mean

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aberooski · 1 month

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I'm seriously hanging on by a thread right now I might just go drop dead 😭

#work has just been really overwhelming today I'm going to crack #I hate people #I almost broke down in front of the usher manager today because our radio died while we were falling behind becaus3 #one of the theatres got out slightly late and set us back for like 45 minutes because everything was gettinf out one on top of the other #on complete opposite ends of the theater #amd it's not a small building guys #and I was already angry because there was a huge spill in a theater earlier I had to get a mop for and it was a pain in the ass #then we started falling behind and when we fall behind I get really stressed so I jad to ask the usher manager for help to catch up when we #were switching radios and even with his help we didn't catch back up until JUST NOW because we're on a 30 minute set break #and I've jusy been stressing and running around the theater and I want to go home and cry and drop dead #I'm so hot and tired and drained amd my legs have been sore for DAYS and this is NOT helping and I hate it here and I qant a real job #like I'm fucking 24 years old this shouldn't be the best I can do but trying to find anything else to get out of here has been IMPOSSIBLE #and I just feel so hopeless and helpless and trapped and miserable #I'm so angry and sad and tired and in pain and miserable all the time now #and it's awful and I hate it I don't wanna be that wah anymlre #I can't even type oh my god #I'm dying #abby's having a crisis

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tortademaracuya · 3 months

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Lalala im just venting in the tags

#im so sad lately and i hate it #wanting to cry out of nowhere. being unable to even take care of myself or others #i just want to lay down and rot while these feelings of loneliness overwhelm me #i know i should ask for help and part of me wants to. but the one i reached out didnt turn out okay #i dont want to be the type of friend that only asks for stuff #and iknow i mustnot be very fun like this. soasking for people to keep me company feels selfish #not only that but. admitting how i am...feels pathetic everytime myfriends ask how im doing #its pathetic to admit ican barely take care of myself because ima little sad. that i cant find joy in anything or do the things i have to do #everything feels so tiring and wrong and lonely. eachday that passes i feel worse #even in a group of friends i feel so lonely and thats unfair to the. who havent done no wrong #my head is just broken and i feel like i should just disappear so everyone dont have to worry about me #haunted.txt

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tvrningout-archived · 1 year

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when i say i feel like tearing up bc i’m finally!! starting to feel more like me!!! i mean it and feeling better means y’all are about to have this troublesome lil gremlin to deal with again B))

#i will say i feel a lil overwhelmed thinking about everything i may have missed/that i need to reply to #so i'm not gonna push myself but i am!! gonna try to write a lil!! maybe work polishing the rough drafts i already have!!#but man i missed writing and having the mental energy and the desire to write #like feeling tired?? i can deal with that but having no drive for something i normally enjoy was really : (( not great #and once again for the millionth time thank you so so much for being patient with me #it's very comforting that people are willing to wait on me while i muster the spoons to be here ;;;3;;;#get ready to ramble | ooc #btw!! i'm sorry if you're waiting on a message from me!! i haven't kept up with anything bc my brain just wasn't having it ;;#i'm gonna try and take it a lil bit at a time -- at least for the messages that i don't feel awkward about answering after who knows how lon #feel free to nudge me tho!

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ollys-useless-rambles · 7 months

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we love crying literally as soon as we get away from people

#it has been #such an infp-t day #I’m so tired #(literally didn’t get home until ten minutes ago and it’s eleven pm)#I am so overwhelmed #every aspect of everything is going wrong and I feel like I have no control over anything #I dont fucking know what to do #anyways

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hopefulyellowlamp · 1 year

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it really hurts to see the people i trusted and loved more than anything in the world just move on from me as if they never knew me

#lamp vents #aka my exfriend posted on tiktok and i havent unfollowed them yet...#and im still not over how he just... cut me out of his life with no warning #he was like 'yeah i get that youre autistic and has a panic disorder and a severe depression. but also all your symptons for these are unac #ceptable and i hate u' and not only cut me out of his life but also turned several other of my friends against me #like i cant get over the fact that they used moments where i was in distress and having panic attacks or severe sensory overload against me #as if i would have sensory overloads and panic attacks just to manipulate them or make THEM feel bad #jeez im sorry i didnt realize im not allowed to have emotions #i know i snap when im overwhelmed which is why i usually always would deafen/leave call on discord immediately and try to jreathe or calm #and somehow theyd still turn it to be avout them #i was trying my damnedest to be the best friend but jesus christ man they expected me to do SO MUCH when i had two panic disorders and so m #uch mental health issues #most of which i tried to explain to them... they were all neuro spicy ot mentally ill too so i thought theyd understand #i thought theyd at least not think the worst of me when all ive ever done is look up to them #the worst feeling ever is having someone i looked up to and wantef to be like so much it fucking hurt #say everything they hated about me after 4 or so years of friendship where i trusted them enough to tell them anything #it still makes me doubt myself #anytime someone writes to me about how we need to talk i immediately expect loads of pent up anger at me #i always expect my friends to finally be done with my bullshit and tell me theyre tired of me #ive always had doubts about wether or not im a good enough friend or not but lately its just been so much worse #and i keep getting so angry and frustrated because i still miss them and i still wanna try and make it up to them #even tho theyve made it clear they already made up their mind about me being the bad guy #i just feel so helpless and alone #i used to be able to go to him about all my problems but i guess he really saw that as bothersome... i did so much for him and for what #i spent so much time with him and i knew his parents and i knew his pets and i knew his routines #we CUDDLED while sleeping in the same bed multiple times we took naps together and i #i showed him my favourite childhood game #and he bottled up all his emotions until they spilled into hatred for me #for what? for nlthing. and then he teams up with another friend WHICH I INTRODUVED HIM TO #he fucking replaced me after all those nights of quick typing and crying and reassuring him that i loved him and would never replace him

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pepprs · 1 year

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life would be so much better if i wasn’t so absolutely fucking depleted and exhausted all the time lol

#or afraid of getting covid #purrs #like life is passing me by i think. i am very small and i have nothing to say. i cannot sustain all the ways im being stretched. i am #not capable of deep thoughts or lifechanging insights or rocking chair conversations or warm eyes. i will not be getting my learners permit #when i said i would because im just too fucking tired. i will proceed to spend the week sleeping until 1pm and playing video games all day a #and barely moving at all and letting life live me instead of living it myself. i just do not have any energy at all ever. i don’t even have #spoons at this point i have like.. metal scraps. CONSTANTLY. the mortifying ordeal of knowing i am wasting my life and not living to the #fullest or making a meaningful contribution to the world or creating magic and love and change in relationships with other people and the mo #mortifying ordeal of no longer having the bandwith / strength / wherewithal to care much less do anything about it 😍😍😍#like omg. i have never gotten covid and god fucking willing i never will but the psychological damage this pandemic has had on meeeeee. the #fact that we haven’t taken like a solid week as a society to process it all. the fact that i am socially mentally emotionally stunted in #ways i will never recover from no matter how hard i try. gotta love it 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍#delete later #<- it’s not just bc of covid obviously bc everything at home and at work is in massive transition and i do not do well w instability. i #would like at least one area of my life to be stable please. i don’t think that’s such a big as #*ask lol #im just depressed bc im tired and this week has been insane and my dyshydr*sis is flaring up HORRIBLY rn but also the overwhelming excruciat #excruciating awareness that i am a nothing girl living a nothing life and i did that to myself as a survival mechanism except survijlving =#scraping myself along the ground in every fathomable area of my life. awesome

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girlgrandpa · 1 year

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am i burnt out am i depressed is it really ultimately all the same thing

#when you tell people youre burnt out they go oh yeah same arent we all #but theyre entirely functional if a little tired #and i think sometimes people forget that burnout symptoms are pretty much the same as major depression #i cant cook im sleeping too much i cant focus on anything for more than one hour a day i cant reply to messages from people checking in #i can barely get myself to leave the house i cant do laundry #i feel lonely and empty and everything feels pointless everything is overwhelming i look forward in time and it swallows me #i sit in the now and it swallows me #im restless im agitated im exhausted i ache my body hurts i have a perpetual headache #and i dont know how to fix it

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jonny-b-meowborn · 10 months

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i just cried after doing the dishes because of my paws being in pain and because I feel like I'm being a terrible host because I'm kinda tired of my guests. I love spending time with them, but having to go to work, do my house chores, keep them entertained and fed, is just too much. And I feel like being overwhelmed makes me a horrible host. I didnt tell them anything, I'm trying to seem like I'm not that tired, but just because in my head I'm getting tired of all that, I'm bad. And yes I know that my thoughts don't make me bad, but that doesn't matter because while I know that I still feel like absolute piece of garbage. Because like, how could I even think of that. I'm supposed to be happy about them being here, and I am happy, but I am also constantly in pain and have to do everything around the house and it's just too much

#i feel so guilty for that but sometimes i wish theyd leave early even though they just came here #not because i dont want them to be around #i just dont want to have to do absolutely everything for them #but i have to. theyre my guests #i wish they lived closer so we could meet without all that exhausting bullshit #just. go get a coffee or pizza together every now and then #but since they live across the country they cant visit often so every visit has to matter #and what makes me even more guilty is that im mostly tired of my sister's boyfriend #i like him. but im tired #my sister is my everything and i would kill and die for her. she can do whatever she wants #but also she does whatever she wants. if shes hungry or thirsty she knows she can just grab anything she wants from the fridge or whatever #because shes family. she lived with us most of her life. our home is still her home #but her boyfriend is someone new to this place. he lives differently from us simply because he wasnt a part of our family until recently #technically he can do whatever he wants but i know how awkward can it be to rummage in someone elses fridge #and he shouldnt have to clean the place. because hes a guest #so while my sister is just living here for now i have to do everything for him #and because im already making a meal for him why wouldnt i do it for my sister?#i do it anyway when only she is visiting because i love her #you know honestly im just a better host when there's only one guest. its not that overwhelming #okay also im hungry but i cant eat anything bc of various stupid reasons #mostly just. i dont feel comfortable eating around people i don't know thay much #but also i feel like i cant eat anything if i dont give them that thing too. but they already ate something this evening #there wasnt enough of that meal for three people so i just made them food. but now i fant get anything else for myself #without giving them that thing too but theyre not hungry anymore bc they already ate #and I'm just too fucking tired to make anything for everyone #i want to just make myself some toast or sandwich without having to do a million of them #im just generally tired and hungry and overwhelmed and in pain and i feel so guilty for being those things #ough #bee buzz

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phantommarigold · 1 year

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me when I want to say something and type out a whole long thing and then decide actually I'm not good enough to talk about this or no they don't want to hear it and ah but what if I'm wrong of course I'm talking from a place of privilege and ignorance and my worldviews are too black and white and

#is thia what anxiety is i honestly dont know Lmao #but i have a crippling crippling fear of being wrong because my brain tells me that if im wrong everyone will abandon me because in this da #y and age you cant have bad takes!!! and i can't even rationalise with myself because i dont actually know if that's the case!#theres such a fucking priority on not being wrong about ANYTHING and its just overwhelming ynnow like i barely can barely survive school #how am i supposed to be never wrong!!!#and theres also such opposing ideas about some things like we say if it doesn't hurt other people its okay #but like extreme example so #tw self harm #we say self harm is bad? how so. if youre bruising yourself youre not harming anyone that isnt you #and that is not to say thay i promote harming yourself or anything its just that its very ostrichized and i dont. understand why #its hard to explain things like this i dont self harm dont know anyone who admits to it if they do but whats the logical explanation behind #self harming is bad besides saying because it's just bad #you dont bat an eye when someone picks at their lip untill it bleeds and isnt that a form of self harm?#i don't really know where i was going im just tired of how complicated everything is haha

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gideonisms · 1 year

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thought about working a job again 20 dead 40 injured

#thought about existing in the world again 20 dead etc #would love to get to the point where thinking about having to live my life instead of sitting in my apartment doesn't make me cry!#eventually my savings from 2 years of the soul killing job + living with my aunt will run out #not like. right now or even within the next few months bc. i worked so hard to save all of that bc i knew i was about to crash again #but eventually #like. when i got that job i did have to come home and cry a lot until i adjusted and then i only cried sometimes #it got to where i would have my 2-3 predictable breakdowns a month pause everything to have the breakdown #call in or skip class or whatever #and then recover faster #but the fact is i was still having like screaming in my car breakdowns a couple times a month #i was just like waiting for a private location #if i think about continuing to do that forever i really want to throw up #you can never explain why sometimes you have to isolate yourself completely for a bit either!#what are you even supposed to say #i got really good at being like oh i'm just tired from work need a nap!#but then people could tell i wasn't doing anything but going to work and coming home and getting in bed #idk how i passed those classes #i mean i didn't pass all of them #most #it's just like life is so stressful and you can't even explain why and people's advice is stop getting overwhelmed #i would also like to stop!!#or they'll be like just find a less stressful job! where?? i've tried

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