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uwabbittuwabbit · 3 months

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Eterna's Iceberg of Race Replays

I keep seeing people asking about how to watch MotoGP race replays in a financially responsible way, so here's my guide on where to find them!

TIER 1: MotoGP YouTube Channel Playlist MotoGP is probably one of the better racing series in that there are race replays readily accessible on their YouTube channel. They also do have some replays on their Facebook if you have the time to do an archaeological excavation, which I forgot to put on the iceberg (for example the 2014 Qatar GP). Since it's on their official accounts, it's at the top.

TIER 2: Motomundo Many a motoheads' trusted source for replays! Motomundo also has various documentaries, as well as practice, qualifying and testing replays. Motomundo also has a VKVideo account that which you can use if you are so inclined. Unfortunately, it has been reported of late that many of the videos have stopped working, with most of the older races not accessible at all. On the second tier since it is widely recommended and an open secret.

TIER 3: BiliBili (1) (2) This one is kind of unusual! Some endeavoring fans have done a great work of philanthropy by uploading entire seasons of MotoGP replays onto BiliBili, which is basically the Chinese equivalent of YouTube...but more. It can be overwhelming (they have a function where users can write comments which then are displayed on the screen while the video plays, for example) and maybe when I have more time, I could write a guide. Another circumstance of these replays being Chinese reuploads is that the commentary is also in Chinese, and there are some really very ugly watermarks from the broadcast itself that cannot be readily edited out. However, the archive is VERY extensive, although it only comprises of races. On the third tier since BiliBili is very popular in China, but more obscure in the West, and I only found this because I am Chinese and already had knowledge of the platform. The first link leads to a collection in which all the races from 1979-2019 have been uploaded. The second is from the same user, however it is just footage of 2020 testing. Unfortunately it seems that their uploads have paused there, at least for now.

TIER 4: This suspicious ass looking website If you've ventured this far down into the iceberg, I'm assuming that suspicious looking websites that have the potential to give you a virus don't phase you. But nevertheless, as a disclaimer, this website is a little hard to navigate. However, not only does it provide MotoGP coverage (in English), it also covers the feeder series as well and includes them in their race weekend compilations. There are options to view the race in varying resolutions, as well as links to various other uploads on Meta (not THAT Meta) and the like. Unfortunately around 2018 are where the uploads become a bit spotty, with many of the videos being unplayable and the links also leading nowhere. A very warranted tier four rating.

TIER 5: ArchivoGP (1) (2) (3) The reason I placed this one so low is not necessarily because it's better than the rest of the sources (in fact, at time of writing this post a good portion of their videos have been taken offline) but because the story in finding it was actually pretty funny. For context, I was on the hunt for a clip of Marc Marquez giving reigning world champion Pecco Bagnaia the thumbs up at the end of Mugello Q2 (thank you tumblr user suzuki-ecstar for replying to me about this...) and none of the sources I was using (so, any of the above already listed) had that clip. I was gnashing and gnawing my teeth in pain. So where else does one go to find something that is presumably lost? Internet Archive! I really thought this was the end of the road and I would have to clip that moment from a shitty vertical YouTube Short or something. Pain. But then I happen upon a full MotoGP replay. It wasn't of the session I wanted, but when I looked into the user a little further, I saw that they had uploaded various other full race replays. In their bio it was stated that they had a Telegram channel under the same name (ArchivoGP), so I did a Google search and found that they indeed did. Happily, their uploads (which are DAZN broadcasts consisting of pre-GP, practice, qualifying, sprint, feature race, post-GP and also cover the feeder classes) DID have that moment and that is the story of how I finished a fancam with the help of Internet Archive, which once again has saved my life. The three different links above lead to their old site, their new(?) one, and their video archive in question which is hosted on TokyVideo. Unfortunately their archive only dates back to 2020, and as I have stated previously some of them have been taken down.

MISCELLANEOUS: (1) (2) These are some assorted Internet Archive sources which I found while trying to backtrack how I found the previous source. I haven't had the time to actually sort through and vet the videos except for one, the original ArchivoGP user uploads (which is the first link, though I'm not entirely sure because they have since changed the name of the channel).

I hope with this masterpost I have saved you guys a lot of time that you (and me, to be honest) do not have. If you want to know where to watch races LIVE, user kingofthering has a very handy dandy masterpost here which you can go check out.

Psst: in general, if you want to very legally watch something, this is a good resource that I recommend. Cheers! ;)

#motogp #okayyyyyyyy #we sleep bye #eternarchives

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pascaloverx · 19 days

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Rewrite The Stars

Chapter Fifteen — Season Two

Summary: One photo changes your whole life, when you accidentally bump into a celebrity and the world starts to believe that you are a couple.

Notes:

In this chapter, we have an extra character called Enzo, whom I'd like you to imagine as the actor Enzo Vogrincic. And for those who enjoy the fanfic, I appreciate if you reblog or like. To the readers who supported a new season of this fanfic, my heartfelt thanks. I will be writing more chapters like this one or even shorter, as long as you continue to engage and enjoy what I'm writing. I hope you enjoy this chapter.

warning chapter sixteen

It's been a month since the official start of your relationship with Pedro Pascal. Until then, unfortunately, you had few moments together. At the moment your relationship is being a little more virtual than you would like. But you can't complain. Dating a celebrity is a challenge that you are very willing to take on.

"Mom, I need to talk to Pedro now. You can very well open the door." You say, trying to connect your cell phone to the internet at your mother's house. She decided to pick some apples to make a pie to welcome Enzo here at her house. You came to visit her this weekend after she practically accused you of abandonment.

"My daughter, your boyfriend can wait. Open the door quickly before I go crazy." Your mother shouts from outside. You take a deep breath and decide to put down your cell phone for a moment.

"Did I arrive at a bad time?" Enzo asks, entering his mother's house with a bouquet of flowers. He hands it to your lap and you hug him.

"Who are the flowers for?" You ask without even answering Enzo's question, who smiles pointing at your mother. You lightly hit his arm.

"Enzo, are you flirting with my mom?" You say as you put the flowers in a flower vase and put some water on them.

"Idiot of you to assume that I only present my romantic affairs." Enzo says and you look at him judging him.

"Hey, do you know why I can't make a video call here? I tried fixing the wifi but it always fails." You tell Enzo by showing him your cell phone and he immediately manage to fix the connection issue on your phone. Moments later, you were in a video call with your boyfriend Pedro Pascal. Or what you thought was him. Since he was all dressed up, looking like a cowboy, wearing a hat and all.

"Darling, did I catch you at a bad time? You seem all dressed up to reprise your Kingsman character. Agent Whiskey, right? By the way, you're a sight for sore eyes." You say, laughing a bit but also speaking the absolute truth. Even his mustache is perfectly groomed. Pedro lets out a hearty laugh as soon as he hears you say that, then he sits down on a couch.

"That's my surprise for you on our one-month anniversary. A bit cheesy, but I know my fans love it when I'm dressed like this." Pedro says, smiling, holding his phone in the most awkward way possible. You prop your phone against an object on your mother's table as you sit in a chair nearby. Unfortunately, you came in such a hurry to your mom's place that you forgot your computer at home.

"My love, you look great. If your fans see this they'll go crazy. But how's the recording going on the set?" You ask as you watch Pedro adjust himself in the tight pants he's wearing. He finally managed to put his cell phone in a position where you can see his entire body. And to your surprise, he even has a rope attached near the belt around his waist.

"Other than the fact that I'm in London and not at home with you, everything is going well. I have great scene partners and getting around the city has been nice." He says while giving you a mischievous smile, which you understand as soon as you hear music in the background. He starts dancing to the music and you can't stop laughing. "Hey sexy lady" playing in the background of a Pascal video call wasn't in his plans but it's really fun.

"What are you doing?" You ask as the music starts to stop playing and you manage to stop laughing. Pascal sits down after breaking out some of his best dance moves.

"I was challenged to dance to this song every time it comes on set. So far it's been fun. Apparently they want me to record a TikTok to the song. I wish you were here with me, you would have so much fun." Pedro speaks and you feel as if your heart is going to explode. He really misses you and you're definitely not used to it.

"Maybe next time. Oh dear, I need to expose you to your biggest fan now." You say running towards Enzo who is helping your mother make her apple pie in the kitchen.

"Hey man, you're great with that characterization." Enzo says as soon as you show Pedro to him and Pedro smiles relaxed.

"Thank you, were you helping my mother-in-law or just visiting?" Pascal asks and his mother immediately clears her throat loudly and gives a grumble.

"Tell him that if he wants to consider me his mother-in-law, he should marry my daughter. Where have you ever seen a man break up with you, then get back together with you and abandon you?" His mother speaks loudly, to make sure Pedro hears and then she leaves the kitchen, leaving Enzo in charge of the pie.

"I'm here for the pie. And if you want my advice, when you come to see your mother-in-law, bring a gift. She won't resist." Enzo speaks to Pascal and then I left the video call to go put the pie in the oven.

"When were you going to tell me that your mother is mad at me?" Pedro says when it’s just the two of you on the video call. You let out a sigh.

"My love, when has my mother not been angry with me and you since we both started dating?" You ask and he smiles but a worried smile.

"I need to win her over. How are we going to tell her that you're going to live with me if she hates me?" You find it cute that Pascal thinks so much about your mother’s opinion regarding your relationship. You remember how funny it was when he asked if he should ask her permission to date you. You joked that he should only do that if he had a death wish. The truth is, you’re still trying to convince your mother to accept Pedro. It shouldn't be difficult because he’s kind, handsome, and funny. Most importantly, he makes you happy. But the reality is that your mother is obviously not ready to get over Enzo.

"Don't worry about that, Pascal. I'll talk to her about it when the time is right. Until then, focus on finishing your filming and coming back home. I miss you." You say, and soon after, you hear someone calling for Pascal. It feels like your conversation was far too short.

"Love, I have to go. But I promise to call again when I have some free time. I love you." And with that, he ends the video call as if he didn't just say he loves you for the first time. You smile, feeling all flustered, and start humming as you walk around your mom's house, thrilled that Pedro Pascal loves you.

tag: @wanniiieeee , @hungrhay and @leilanixx

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 3 months

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I am continuing to run out of John + Elis Radio X episodes at a mildly distressing rate, I'm into August 2018 now and they run until March 2019. Yes there are several hundred BBC episodes after that, but they'll be different, and I've got used to these ones. The Radio X episodes are escapist, from when the world was easier. The BBC episodes are going to run through 2020 and I just can't listen to those initial months where they'll say everyone should wash their hands and make jokes about the Imagine video.

Luckily, the side project of following all John Robins' other things alongside the radio chronology will extend this a bit. Their book came out in October 2018, though I think it was written by August, so I could listen to that audiobook pretty much any time now and call it in line with where I'm at in the radio show. I'll get on that soon.

Also, I've reached the radio episodes in which John Robins is telling us about filming his digital television internet-based quiz show. Specifically, he's telling us about the production company hiring someone to buy him new clothes, because he's not allowed to wear Queen-branded or brewery-branded t-shirts while presenting a show on Dave. I was looking forward to this radio show letting me know what happens to a comedian the year after they win the Perrier Award (I'm aware that it wasn't actually called that when he won it in 2017, but I cannot be bothered to look up what it was called in any given year), and now I know. Apparently it's extending a tour to the point where you develop different medical ailments every week from the stress of traveling and at one point turn up to a radio show an hour late because you forgot you were recording, and they give you a digital television internet-based quiz show for which they buy you new clothes that do not advertise breweries or rock bands. It sounds very glamorous.

I've referred to it as a comedy panel show before, because for some reason I thought it had comedians as guests. I've just looked it up and learned it actually features members of the public, like a regular quiz show. And that sounds quite bad. I didn't have terribly high expectations anyway, but this has lowered them. Sunil Patel's all right, though. I mean, I think he's all right as a comedian. Don't know what he's like on this TV show, haven't watched it yet.

But I've got it downloaded and I think I'll get into it this weekend, as I've reached that point in the chronology. I looked up the Chortle review, and its opening paragraph is exactly what I imagined this show would be, based on the synopsis:

This next bit of condemnation comes off as significantly harsher, just because it could function fairly accurately as a description of John Robins' broadcasting/comedy style as a whole, and not just being about this one quiz show that I assume John Robins does not hold up as his greatest artistic achievement:

Sick burn and everything, Steve, and you do have a point that John Robins' habit of going into a vaguely Partridge-inspired voice can sometimes blur the line between parody that works and just actually doing a thing that doesn't work. However, that is some harsh criticism coming from someone who doesn't know how to put a period at the end of a sentence. Maybe learn to use punctuation first, Steve, and then you can talk shit about digital DJs who watched too much Alan Partridge when they were growing up, and possibly base just a touch too much of their persona on ironically imitating that.

Actually, that sounds all right. I enjoy watching John Robins at once try to embrace and stay at arm's length from things. Maybe it won't be so bad.

I think I will start watching this show this weekend, I'll let you all know if it's terrible. Or, tell you what, I'll let you all know if it's good. I don't need to report on it every time I expect something to be bad, but watch it anyway due to my brain's relentless drive toward completism, and it meets my expectations. If it surprises me, I'll definitely let you all know.

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masonjarsmoments · 3 months

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Have you ever been to a ski jumping competition? If yes, did you enjoy it?

Oh hi! Didn't expect to actually get asks so thank you so much 🥺

Yes I've been to several ski jumping competitions. Funnily enough I didn't made it to one before I moved to Norway in 2018 even though I live quite close to Willingen and my Grandma is from there as well but I didn't want to go on my own at first and when I met people through the internet it wasn't possible because of uni and work.

But I went to two COCs in Oslo ( my first live competition experience and Aschi won and made it into my personal top five that weekend - oh boy I miss him)

Then I went to Raw Air in Oslo in 2019 and the Norwegian Championships that also were held in Oslo because of bad weather in Trondheim. My best friend asked Robin if he wants to take a picture with me because I was too afraid and he was so confused because he didn't expect that anyone wants to take pictures with him because he wasn't that known yet (even though he was on the team at Holmenkollen and won )

And in 2020 i did Raw air again even though we were not allowed to be in the Arena at Holmenkollen because of Corona but I also had Tickets for Lillehammer that year and since they did not sold that many tickets we were still allowed to be there so I was able to see Peter winning. 🥺 (Also Antti said I will get his bib but then his second jump wasn't that good and he was sad and forgot 😭)

Sadly still was not able to go to Willingen because of both Work and the fact that I had quite a hard time really enjoying the sport for a while but its definitely planned for next year. And depending on how the Grand Prix is planned this year I will probably go to Klingenthal but that depends if it's at the weekend where my Cousin is getting married or not (because I am afraid it is because it's usually around that time)

#sorry for the long answer because you probably just wanted to know if yes or not #another thing i want to share is that i actually both love and hate going to competitions because i get so anxious #its okay when i am with friends like during raw air but the COCs were quite hard and i was so anxious i don't even have that many pictures #ski jumping

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ratherbefangirling · 2 years

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⏳Out of Time⌛

Part 1 | 2 | 3

Character Focus: Jimin, Jungkook, Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Established relationships

Summary: he wanted to love you but should you let him?

Warning ⚠️: Past Trauma, Unhealthy relationship, mentions of hospitals, hospitalisation and abortion

It's not like you have other options and it's not a bad arrangement what you would be saving on rent you could by more stuff with.. desserts books clothes anything.

"Please treat me well." Jungkook says.

You nod your head embarrassed at the formal tone.

The dinner passed fairly well.

Even though Namjoon tried to interact with both of you you could see the struggle he had in toning down and balancing his y/n personality vs his Jungkook personality.

The both of you adjusted fairly well and other than his gaming at ungodly hours there wasn't much he did that irritated you.

You had taken a week of from work. To cope. Barely leaving your bed. Your room was messy but you were too blind to notice it.

You even forgot that your mom was coming to visit you and your boyfriend... um ex.

Your phone rang and you talked to your mom.

And everything was normal until she told you she was coming this weekend. Which was two days later and she was excited to meet your boyfriend.

As soon as she hung up. You set to clean the room and the house.

"What's with the commotion." Jungkook asked.

"My mom's coming in the weekend." You replied brain empty.

"Oh cool." He said and was going to leave when you let out an inhuman cry.

"Oh no.. I'm doomed."

"Are you on drugs?" Jungkook enquired.

You shook your head only mildly offended.

"Does your mom hate smoking?."

"What.." You say in disbelief.

"'Um I don't smoke." You tell him

"'I know I couldn't smell it." He comments.

"No its you."

"Me.? I'm an angel "

You stop yourself from rolling your eyes.

Boys. Men. The male gender.

"So I told my mom I live with my boyfriend which was true but we broke up."

"So tell her that where's the problem."

"You don't get it Jungkook. If I tell her that she'll ask who are you and if she gets to know we just met that too through my Internet friend. Now I'm living with a boy with tattoos.. no offence, I think they're hot but she is going to freak and demand I come back home. She barely let me make friends back home I love her but I can't go back." You sat full on panic ranting.

"Hey calm down. Why don't you tell her that I'm your boyfriend." He suggests simply.

"Oh my god Jeon Jungkook you're an angel." You whoop with excitement.

Jungkook grins at you coolly.

"Y/n have you seen my tie."

"I swear Jungkook I told you a hundred times put it with your coats."

"Sorry y/n ssi .. now hurry I'm getting late."

You massaged your head.

It was going to be fine.

Suddenly you feel nauseas you run to the bathroom and vomit.

"Y/n... are you OK?" Your husband asks.

"It's fine I did feel weird yesterday after eating at that shitty diner."

"I've told you this a thousand times Eun Tak may be your best friend but she has some questionable dining choices I don't want a repeat of that eating expired food episode. I get she's a content creator but I was the one one who had to take care of you when you got hospitalised."

You wanted to argue with him but you remembered how he had been so vulnerable then.

'I thought I lost you god dammit..'

' I... couldn't even tell you I love you *your full name* '

'Please be OK please come back to me'

"Sorry kook." You say apologetic

"I'll email your office. Stay at home today." His phone rang. "I need to go but if you're not OK call me don't wait for it to get worse."

You nod.

You go to bed but after a while of lying down you realise sleep has escaped you.

You open the TV to watch something to pass time.

And today we have on show the rising star the special guest soloist Jimin... his latest song Serendipity has topped charts.

"Jimin shi... Can you tell us more about the song?"

Some how you find yourself unable to change the channel.

Were you over him?

Were you bored ?

Did you refuse to allow him any control over you?

You didn't know.

"This song is part of the story my album tells Serendipity is a love that found me unexpectedly and blessed me selflessly." You scoff.

"So a story Jimin shi what story are you telling or more importantly whose?"

Jimin smiled his pretty smile.

"While 'Serendipity' speaks about the love that was unexpected and is a saving grace and also the title. The other songs when listened in the exact order tell you the story of a nostalgic love. I hope you enjoy listening to them as much ad I did making them. Please give a lot of love to me and to them"

"Sounds fascinating. Who was your inspiration behind this. Anyone in particular."

"My fans of course mochi's Saranghae. They always inspire me to do my best. I was lost and did not know what to do and then just like magic they came they saw in me what I couldn't see myself and brought me here."

"This was Jimin and that's all for today folks."

You scoff but then again what did you expect.

When Jungkook came he found you listening to music. Tears dripping in your eyes. Worried he wiped your tears .

Startled you almost dropped the laptop.

"Is it paining, love? Do you want to go to the hospital."

"I'm fine Jungkook." You assure him

"Please y/n why are you crying."

"I just heard a very sad song... I mean technically it wasn't sad... but I'm... I'm just moody."

"Ah that time of the month."

You wanted to hit him but he wasn't wrong a week before your periods were set to arrive you would be moody if you were crying it was OK but somehow if you were happy god forbid then the week of your periods would have Jungkook tiptoeing around you and appeasing you with your favourite food.

"Hug?" He asks.

You nod and let him pull you in his embrace. It's safe and it's home.

The house was cleaner than its ever been. Luckily your mum was only coming for two days. You and Jungkook had prepared your back story. You had requested he wear long shirts too hide his tattoo's. Your mom was aware that your boyfriend wore earrings. That happened when you'd told her about the couple earrings Jimin had gifted you for valentines. You were counting on Jungkook's cute face to calm and reassure your mother.

You had prepared her favourite dishes and even desert. Though the servings of dessert kept disappearing courtesy of Jungkook. Because I quote 'It's too good almost like coffee one cup is never enough.'

You noted the detail though. Keeping it for later use. In case Jungkook need bribing.

You remember your first date with Jungkook or the first official one anyway. Despite the fact you lived together and had confessed to liking each other you had yet to go on a date. Soon after confessing that he liked you he had to go visit his dad who wasn't feeling well.

The last moments of your shared time together you practically stuck to him. He cooed at your behaviour calling you a baby.

"This baby is now your chosen mess." You had whined.

He had laughed and pecking the top of your head before grabbing the last of his stuff and completing his packing.

"See you soon." He said as he left the car.

You had both decided not to let you drop him off at the train station in case you both started bawling.

"You kept your socks and your charger right? Do you have your ticket. Check it one more time."

"Yes Y/n, I do. Don't worry."

"'Call me ok?"

"Ofcourse. Don't be too sad I will come back before you know it. Go on and enjoy making a mess of the house without me nagging at you."

"Hey between the two of us you're the messy one." You complain he only laughs in response.

You do miss him as you eat alone or when you see the door of his bedroom that's closed. Still he regularly calls you up mostly late night since you have work in the morning and he spends time with his family in the evening. The calls aren't very long because you can't sleep late and get up early. Still it's the highlight if your day.

It's on these calls he proposes to go on a date. With tossing back and forth of ideas you both decide to go to an amusement park after admitting you hadn't been on a proper roller coaster before.

"What do you mean you haven't been on a roller coaster. That is literally a crime against humanity." Jungkook says from across the phone screen.

"No need to be over dramatic." You reply.

"It really is I can't imagine it happening."

"I saw Final Destination and was slightly creeper of and then one of my friends had vomited after riding one so I decided I would do it after I became an adult but since than I've barely had any opportunity to like finally do it. Its been a long time since I went to an amusement park."

"Worry No longer Jeon Jungkook to the rescue. I will remedy the situation."

"No doubt you will."

"Maybe we can try going on roller coaster till one of us vomits." Jungkook suggests cheekily.

"Jungkook no. Absolutely not. It's a date. It's supposed to be enjoyable."

"As long as you're with me there isn't much I can not enjoy."

"Ah.." You sit flustered by his sudden suaveness.

The day of the date comes you're dressed prettily. You even booked an appointment at the salon to get your hair done. Despite temptation leading you on the opposite direction, knowing Jungkook you wear comfortable shoes that go with your outfit.

However good or bad your stamina might be it is pretty nonexistent in front of Jungkook. Who in combination with excitement is like a bunny on steroids.

Still even though your feet ache by the end of the day, all you remember is laughing so loud that your stomach hurt and Jungkook offering you a piggyback ride.

You think life loves playing games with you.

Due to Jungkook's insistance you go get yourself checked. After spending the whole day in the hospital getting checked and waiting. The doctor tells you might be pregnant and gives you an appointmentwith the gynaecologist. You feel restless, unsure. All sort of thoughts clogging your brain. Were you ready to be a mom? How would Jungkook react? Were you ready for this in your relationship only a few days ago you were crying about Jimin? Was this fair to Jungkook's and your unborn child.

You are quite when you come home. Still not ready to face the world you hide under your blanket. That's how Jungkook finds you.

"I told Namjoon Hyung that you're not feeling well. He just hopes you get well in time for the wedding because he's not sure what he'll do without you. And I got our clothes ironed. And the jewellery you ordered is here too."

"Thank you." You say.

He falls beside you on the bed.

"Come closer." He says and you obey. It's quite and nice and you decide whatever happens you'll face it together like you've always done.

On the day of Namjoon's wedding you feel better. You almost cry when you see Namjoon. Its like a mother hen watching her chick grow. Jungkook is both concerned and possessive.

When Namjoon talks to his other friends. Jungkook pulls you aside. Arms around your waist.

"Hey love I would appreciate if you would stop crying over a man that's not me." He says slightly pouty.

"I'm sorry. I can't help it. It's just he's struggled a lot to reach here. When we first met. He was struggling with anxiety and depression and generally going through a tough time. And I'm so proud of him for fighting and not giving up on himself his life. I just I've seen that growth and strength in him and Jungkookie.. it gives me hope."

Jungkook softens at your words. It's true you and Namjoon were similar in that way life hadn't been easy for you and while he envied your bond both because he had admired Namjoon a lot and because he loved you. He had come to accept the difference. He remembered early on in your relationship you guys had gotten into a fight and it was memorable because after it was over you'd sat him down and told him the reason why you didn't talk about your difficulties with him initially because he had not experienced it and thus couldn't relate while you appreciated him you didn't want to be sad with him all the time, you were scared he would leave.

He was surprised because he thought you didn't tell him because you didn't trust him. From then on you both had worked actively to prevent any miscommunication.

Understanding and loving were different things. Him trying to understand you was enough for you.

Still there would always be a part of him which wanted you to only rely on him. He wanted to give you everything the world could offer. But since he couldn't do that he just kissed your forehead.

"My silly beautiful crybaby wife." He says fond.

The ceremony is beautiful. There's laughter. You both give speeches. It's a wonderful evening.

Jungkook gets up to get some dessert. You sit and massage your legs. Walking around all day in heavy clothes and heels is taxing. You get impatient waiting for Jungkook. So you go to find him. Except you find something.. or should I say someone else.

"Jimin." You gasp and he turns towards you and he's just as shining and just as beautiful as the first time you saw him.

"Y/n." He acknowledges.

Your world is spinning. You feel an incoming headache.

"I ... What are you doing here?"

"I'm the brides cousin."

"Oh."

"And you?"

"I'm the grooms bestfriend."

He suppresses a sigh. There's a frown on his face and you want to remove it. It was bad for his face, since the early days of your relationship he had asked you to look for it and warn him.

"No bad lines on your face." You say force of habit and then shut your mouth.

He looks at you surprised. " Actually, I knew I saw the speech. Great speech by the way."

He says and there's silence. You think of things to say.

"Is it too late if I ask you to take me back?"

"I'm married." You state.

"I know and I dont care if I'm your side piece. I just want you back."

"Do you even listen to yourself?" You say exasperated.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean it that way I just want to be a part of your life in any way that's possible. I want to be able to buy you things, to hold you, to kiss you, to love you." Your eyes widen in shock and some part of you feels miserable but a larger part just feels anger.

"Jimin you're being ridiculous. Just stop. " You tell him.

"Please take my number. If you ever change your mind. I did this for us and if I can't have you then what's the point. Just my card.. wait I will give you my card." Still insisting.

He opens his wallet and takes out his information card.

Jungkooks hand on your waist surprises you. You hope he hasn't heard your conversation with Jimin. It would end up being ugly. You couldn't ruin your bestfriends wedding day.

"Who's this love?" He asks you his head on your shoulder.

You can feel the anger rise in Jimin but he puts on a smile.

"Park Jimin. We used to be acquaintances." He says and your thrown back into the bitter days that Jimin introduced you as such.

"Hmm. I'm Jeon Jungkook. Y/n's husband. Hope you don't mind I will be taking my wife with me." Jungkook says guiding you away.

You suppress a smile at his jealousy. You think it's cute. Still your stomach is unsettled.

"I can't leave you one minute and have someone not flirt with you." Jungkook remarks.

"I'm sorry Kookie. I promise I didn't... I wasn't.." You are trembling. Things can't go wrong. Not now. Not ever. Not again.

"I know baby. Its just you're so pretty. I'm so happy you are mine." He says holding your hands firmly and pressing a kiss to your forehead. It's reassuring even though a dredge of guilt still lingers.

Jungkook wonders what happened to you to make you this way.

When Jungkook and you had first started dating. He was over the moon. You were pretty, kind, understanding and perfect in every way.

Until he had noticed your odd behaviour.

One day Namjoon had come up to him.

"I'm glad for both of you but you really need to stop hogging my bestfriend. We literally never hang out since you've started dating. It's always Jungkook this and Jungkook that."

Jungkook was confused but he didn't think much of it. He mentioned it at dinner.

"Y/n Joon came up to me telling he was missing you."

You dropped the spoon you were holding.

"I-I can explain."

Jungkook furrowed his brow. Why would you explain?

"I'm sorry. I I promise there's nothing. We are just friends."

Jungkooks expression must have worsened because he could see that you were on the edge of tears.

"Love, Y/n..." he approaches you and you stiffen. He doesn't understand what's happening.

"Look at me." He tells you softly.

You look like a kicked puppy.

He holds you hands.

"It's fine. I was just saying Namjoon is your bestfriend. You guys should hang out more just cause we are dating doesn't mean your life evolves around me."

"You don't want me around. Am I being to clingy??" You ask.

"No of course not. I love you babe and I love spending time with you but don't you think it'd be healthier if we don't neglect our friends."

"So you're not angry?"

"No obviously not."

The incident might have been strange for Jungkook but it had been strange for you too. Jimin would never let you be with any guys especially alone even before you guys started dating. And as far as your friends were concerned especially female ones they were always to busy to make time for you and even when they did all they could talk about was their partner so you gradually built distance.

After you leave with Jungkook, Jimin looks at you both for a long time. He feels angry and jealous. You were his. He took deep breaths. He hoped soon enough you too realised nobody could treat you better than him.

Jungkook decided to come pick you up from your appointment. He hadn't the time to check where you'd been referred to until he's standing outside the hospital.

Third floor you'd told him. When he sees the sign of gynaecology. His heart beats faster. If it is what he thinks it is. He is Euphoric. You've made him the happiest man. He's grinning as he looks for you, until he sees you bent over and crying papers in your hand. Worry rises in his throat.

"Y/n." He says softly holding you in an embrace. "What's it love?"

"I'm... I.. pregnant."

"Is it ... do you..." he takes in a deep breath queasy at the possibility." Do you not want?"

You shake your head no and he feels relieved. A weight lifted of him. Sometimes you took time to process things. The news probably hadn't settled in you yet.

"Let's go home, yes?" He asks. Hands in his throughout you reach home. After your crying session you're tired so Jungkook tucks you into the bed.

Your phone rings. It's Namjoon's message and a missed call.

He picks it up.

Namjoon : why didn't you tell me Jimin was there and you met him

Are you okay? We were just checking pictures of the wedding party. I swear I didn't know.

I know how tough it was. He contacted Jieun for your number but I heard so I told her I'd ask you first.

I know you're an adult and you both loved each other and broke up because of his career but I hope you don't end up doing something stupid. *message deleted*

So let me know?

Jungkook dropped your phone but luckily you stayed asleep. Now your reaction made sense.

You didn't want him. He was just a replacement of Jimin. Despite what logic dictated. He searched up Jimin on the Internet.

Jimin; he realised was every thing he wasn't and all parts you liked about him at the same time. He could see it clearly.

You always praising his singing you liked sweet voices huh , supporting him but also having anxiety whenever he had a project were you worried he'd choose his job over you ,Making him wear colored clothing different styles trying to turn him cute like your ex.

He looked at you sleeping and felt suffocated. He left his wedding band in the on the dining table. He was at loss.

Never did he imagine such a day would come in his life. You were the love of his life but was he the love of yours. For the first time he felt insecure in your relationship.

Is this how you felt all the time? He never felt burdened for reassuring you but now he understood you more and couldn't help but feel sad.

He cried in the bathroom.

When you wake up Jungkook's missing. You guess he's probably at the gym. You text him to get groceries. You decide to eat something. Now you were responsible for healthy eating of two. You put a hand on your belly.

"Don't worry little one. Mommy is going to take care of you."

You make yourself a sandwich and decide to sit at the dining table to eat. There's Jungkook's wedding band. Surely it's a mistake.

Anxiety creeps up and you are unable to swallow the food you were eating.

He must have removed it but you can't convince yourself because he never removes it.

The lock to your apartment opens. There's Jungkook coming in empty handed.

"Didn't you see my message?" You ask.

He looks up at you.

"No." He replies and goes to the kitchen. He looks sweaty from a workout. He makes himself a vegetable smoothie.

You go behind him but he doesn't say anything.

"I uh. You're not wearing your wedding band."

"It felt suffocating."

"Did your ring size grow? Do we need to go to the jeweller?"

"No. Just leave it." He dismisses.

"What's wrong ggukie?"

"Why don't you tell me?" He turns back anger rising in his voice.

"'..nothing nothings wrong." You say suddenly very unsure of yourself.

"Why were you crying?" He asks softer noticing your previous discomfort.

"I was just overwhelmed." You reply.

"Ha you sure I thought it was because of Jimin." And it comes out stronger than Jungkook intended but also because he wasn't planning to confront you.

You stumble back.

"How do you know about Jimin." You ask goosebumps visible on your arms.

"So you were really." He says half talking to himself.

"Jungkook who told you about Jimin." You ask desperation in your voice.

"No one I saw Namjoon texting you about him."

You stay quiet. He scoffs.

"Mind telling me about Jimin." He says sarcastically.

"I .." You take a deep breath. "He's my ex .. the ex."

He keeps the glass in the sink. Holding its edges as if steeling himself.

"So when are you leaving?"

"What do you mean?" You ask confused.

"Clearly you still have feelings for him."

You don't respond and Jungkook waits, when you still stay frozen he leaves slamming the door shut.

You don't talk to each other for a whole week.

You are torn. It's the longest you've gone without speaking to each other. You wonder when you'll finally be free of your past.

So you decide to write. Write down your feelings.

You want to say you hate him. That you wish you had never met him. That he ruined your life and broke your heart. Its true that he abandoned you and for that a part of you would never forgive him. But a greater part of you had loved him, been madly desperately in love and even now that part of you still wishes that he is happy.

Jimin stands infront of you.

He starts to speak but you stop him.

"Let me speak because if I don't now I don't think I will be able to....I hated you for a long time because I thought you broke my trust but that wasn't it. Looking back I realised both of us might have loved each other but we never trusted each other. Now I know that a relationship is nothing without trust. Because when you 'fall' in love its because you trust the person you love will catch you. I forgive you because I loved you once and more importantly I love myself and respect my partner enough to not let myself be consumed by the shadow of doubts that relationship left me."

"Y/n.. I." Jimin speaks up.

"No, please let me complete it. I hope you too find happiness because you're a great person. I hope you're more sure of yourself now. And despite the bad times, we had happy days and in honor of those I wish you find happiness like I've found with Jungkook. The happiness of coming home after a long day. That being said I sincerely hope that I never see you again." You say, your eyes are teary.

Jimin reaches out to wipe your tears but stops himself. He's lost the right to touch you, to wipe your tears. He doesn't realise when his eyes start watering.

"I'm.. really.. I'm so sorry but I'm thankful for having known you, for having loved you " and I still do even if you may not want me he wants to add.. "Thank you. I understand even though you never want to see me, I hope we do cross paths because you're one of the best things life gave me."

You close your eyes wishing he would disappear and Jungkook would come.

"I hope you're happy and you stay happy for a long time. Good bye." He says and turns because even now he can't watch you go.

"Good bye, Jimin." You hear footsteps fading.

You open your eyes and the sun is setting on the horizon. Your phone rings. It's a reminder you'd set for a day that wouldn't happen.

A wedding with Jimin.

It's almost poetic. You delete it. Finally you're free. It feels like the best time to move on.

Jungkook's voice calls you out. You turn to him. His face lit with joy as he realises you have come to see him for his lunch break. He rushes to hold you in his arms greeting you by kissing your cheek and rubbing you're pregnant belly.

He wants to ask why you're crying but since the unpredictability of your moods due to your hormones he's learnt better than to ask and send you in a spiral again. He trusts you to tell him if he can help for now he's going to enjoy his lunch break shrouding his wife

Jimin despite himself turns back and finds you giggling in Jungkook's arms. His phone rings its a reminder that had been set many years ago. He deletes it. He hides his face with a cap and goes on with his way. Determined not to look back again.

Fin.

Dear Jungkook,

Of all of things running through my head the thing that I am sure about is I love you.

It's a tragedy that heart bursting with joy and heartache are two sides of the same coin of love.

Before you the person who taught me love was Jimin but if I were to say which side of love I learnt through him it would be heartache.

He came into my life suddenly and filled it with novelty but he left just the same leaving a gaping wound.

A wound that was healed by you.

It is true I was sad that day but not because I wanted him back because I wondered what life could have been if things were different.

You thought I'd leave you for him and I felt betrayed that you didn't trust our love, trust me. Maybe that's why I ignored you instead of appeasing you. This has been the longest week of my life.

And I could say so many things but all I want to say is

I love you and I want to love you till the last breath of my soul and I want to be loved by you the way you love me and only the way you love me and only you. Steady, warm and reliant.

Only yours,

Mrs. Jeon Jungkook 💖

Authors Note 📝

Painful to the end 💔 😢. Have some tissues and cookies. But also sweet.

You may wonder why I didnt show the resolution between the fight with Jungkook.

I think it would be very emotional with both of them crying and waking up eyes swollen but also cuddled up and Jungkook whining how he almost died. And Y/n making him promise not to start imagining things by himself and never letting her go because she'd actually die but he shuts her up saying don't even talk about it.

Hope you enjoyed reading it. Have a nice day.

Remember Tumblr works by reblogs. Let me know what you think.

#bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts au #jeon jungkook #bts angst #bts fluff #park jimin #jeon jungkook x you #jeon jungkook x y/n #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jimin x you #jimin x reader #park jimin x reader #park jimin x you #kim namjoon

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qqueenofhades · 2 years

Note

I do think it's important that even in places that are very safe, even if that person is by themselves, it still isn't okay to out them. It isn't okay to ASSUME someone is queer based on their presentation.

I've been "clocked" as genderqueer in the past. I'm not. I am a binary trans man who lives mostly stealth because I am a man first and my trans identity is secondary to that and I have had far too many shitty experiences with people not understanding that. When someone then asked me in a very public setting which pronouns I use, without asking the other (cis) men there, I was extremely uncomfortable. I feel sick just remembering that. I wasn't actively unsafe but I FELT in danger.

I just need younger/freer queer people to realize that it doesn't matter where you are. It just is fucking shitty to think you can go up to someone who you think is queer (no matter how queer they present themselves) and make a bunch of assumptions about them. Including "wants to talk to random people who happen to also be a random assortment of queer" (personally I just want to live my life).

Again, covert compliments? Far better. You avoid all the grossness.

I mean, yeah. It's never a good idea to assume/out/put anyone on the spot in any way, regardless of where they live or who they're with especially in the socio-political climate we are all currently enduring (i.e. FASCISM WHEE!). I will add that I really only want other queer-coded people to even do the covert-compliment thing. Like, here is something else that happened recently:

I was at my weekend coffee-shop job, by myself, on a rainy morning when a white family with Southern university sweatshirts came in (which people don't usually do; they are supposed to order at the window because of COVID). I forgot that I was wearing my "hella gay" socks where other people could see them, and the dad (a big beefy white guy in said southern sweatshirt, so like... someone I would peg as conservative) kindly complimented me on them. He said something like "oh, your socks are great" or whatever, and it was nice of him, but what did I do? I fucking PANICKED. I raced behind the counter and turned them down and made sure the words were hidden, and made their drinks and managed not to have a fucking panic attack. Then they left and went on their way and that was that.

Meanwhile, I was almost crying, texting one of my close friends (also gay, obvs) about all this, and physically shaking from adrenaline. Because all I could think was: well, what if he HADN'T been nice about it? What if I had made a mistake and that had not been a safe place to do something as innocent as let someone else see my socks? Because again, this dude was someone who, to exterior appearances, could just as easily not have been cool about it. And I respect that he saw that and said something supportive, but also, it literally flipped me the fuck out and took me a while to recover from. So. Yeah.

Anyway, yet again: real life is not the internet, we're old gays, and we want the chilluns to listen to us and act respectfully. Don't be gremlins, guys. A lot of youth queer culture is turning rancid quickly because people don't understand this, and while liberation is great, please don't forget that a lot of us are still NOT safe, and be careful with that.

#anonymous #ask #personal

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halfwaytofreedom · 2 months

Text

January 7, 2024 - Charlottesville, VA

We rolled into Charlottesville, and I was hungry. This was half the length of Raleigh, and only a bit longer than Raleigh->Charlotte. I was happy to get out, and happy to get food.

I'd never been here, so I spent no shortage of time looking at Google Maps to figure out where we're eating. I had to plan a bit; someone was meeting me here!

(You should know, the advent of GPS and Google on our phones mean I watch Google Maps throughout my travels. I see the major cities as we pass them, I get my relative speed, and I can see the remaining duration, even without internet.)

Greensboro was along this route, back and forth. The last time I went to Greensboro was 2022, for the Junior Olympics. The rail line conveniently rolled within view of the university. I recognized a few buildings as we went by, as well as the graffiti. It was short-form nostalgia, and I found myself longing for that last little bit of peace. Traveling always felt "safe" in my old life. No time for Biscuitville, though, I was going to C-Ville.

Charlottesville is a unique stop on the ride: One rail, the Cardinal, heads out toward Chicago through West Virginia. It has better views and a shorter trip, if that was the direct route. A 16 hour ride wasn't worth the nice views, though, and I had people agreeing to meet me here and in Washington DC.

The other rail in Charlottesville is the Crescent, and it rolls through to Washington DC. That's the train I took out of Charlotte; it's interesting, because the two different sides of the train building go to two different rails.

I had to claim and re-check my bags for this one. I'd bought my Crescent ticket back in December, but I hadn't decided on Washington DC until soon before I left. See where it says "Northeast Regional Service?" That was me, too. I checked my two big bags onto the NERS train and walked out to...

See that bridge in the picture, out the window? In this case, the rail runs under the street. If I was going to get food, I was going to walk upstairs. With my injury, and my bags. The city sits up and away from the train station, which is a common trend: cities don't like being near the train. Why did trains fall out of fashion? Probably because they're noisy.

Lunch was with Daria, a local who I've been chatting with for months on Facebook. This would be our first meeting, and it would break the veil of "online only." That moment is always nervous, for me: Even though I believe I'm even better in person, I have a hard time believing I'll be liked until we meet.

We chatted nicely at the Miami Grill, where I had reserved my budget to spend freely. Was it like food in Miami? Only sort-of; I went to University of Miami, and dated a Cuban woman the whole time, and I can say with confidence that Charlottesville is not Miami. Still, the food was more familiar than not.

Daria was beautiful, and wonderful company. I didn't want to say goodbye when we were done, but I was flustered and feeling rough. I forgot a picture. All I have are memories.

Charlottesville is a college town, but it was still Winter Break there, so the town was especially dead. It was a weekend, too, so nothing was happening otherwise. CVS didn't let me put money onto my Cash App, either - that's important for Washington DC. But with nothing else going for me, I went back to waiting in the train station.

My NERS train was running late, so we sat around nervously. I remember one passenger asking if the Richmond connection was there yet, and I loudly remarked, "That's a loud one, you won't miss it." I thought he meant a train, but I was in luck. The shuttle-bus had a loose belt, and was screeching the whole time it sat in the parking lot. It WAS loud. Still, I heard one of the attendants remark, "It wasn't loud at all," when it pulled up. I haven't been able to forget my mistake.

Finally, the -reason- for the late NERS train went by. A freight train was running behind, and blew through the station thirty minutes after it should have. So an hour late, I was climbing onto my next trip. Only about three hours to DC; I hope it wouldn't be TOO late, I had a hostel room waiting for me. At least I was spending the night; I couldn't miss a connection.

This is how you board. It's out of the building and across the parking lot, and Amtrak announces which location is appropriate for coach. I crawled with my three bags out to this, and over to my coach boarding. They don't check tickets, you just climb on.

Next stop, Washington DC.

#amtrak #amtrak cardinal #amtrak crescent

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hanibalistic · 3 years

Text

#7CA85F | KIM SEUNGMIN.

genre | fluff and angst, hurt/comfort au

word count | 1658

warning | none

note | for @neo-shitty happy christmas eve, and christmas as well! consider this a little gift for you

inspiration |

this was the pettiest seungmin has ever been, and he was starting to regret his decision.

it has always been this way, even when it wasn't with you, seungmin has always been such a way where he could never stay mad at someone. he would look mad, with his half-opened eyes and pursed lips, and he would act mad, with his fast walking and phone scrolling. but he could never really stay mad at anybody, not when he knew he was given the chance to take care of them instead.

it was perhaps the highest form of affection he could display—he takes care of you, even when he is mad at you. he loves you, even when he hates you.

so it came as such a surprise, to him and everyone, when he decided he would return the favor after three days of you ghosting his message. his friends were surprised he could even last this long! for someone who has such a 'mild' crush on you, and just an avid internet user in general, seungmin sure went all out for this stupid plan.

it was petty of him, truly, because it wasn't like he sent you multiple messages for you to ignore anyway. he sent one exactly seven days ago, which was the end of your previous conversation, and then he never checked the chat until you replied to him three days later. for some reason, he thought it was something to be annoyed about, so he took the chance to read your message and not reply to you.

it went on for three stingy days. it made the outcome especially effectful when you guys had a three-day weekend to spare. you were unable to reach him at all; not through calls, not through text messages, and definitely not in school where you would still be able to stop him in the hall and confront an explanation out of him.

you were left with a ghost of who seungmin used to be.

"kim seungmin! get your ass out of here!"

his pencil dropped on his desk and he looked up, confused at best as he pulled out one of his earbuds. when his mother opened the door to his room, a furious look on her face, his bafflement stayed but he decided to stand up from his chair and head over to the door.

"what happened?" he asked.

"you tell me what happened!" she exclaimed, pinching his ear and dragging him out of his room. "you tell me why we have [name] crying their eyes out at our door right now, talking about you ghosting them?"

the pained look on seungmin's face snapped into one of contemplation, a confused but thoughtful look that signified the rapid turning of his brain gears. he wasn't able to make sense of his mother's words until he finally remembered his petty plan, then his face filled itself with shock as he stood up straighter and yanked himself out of his mother's grip.

"they are crying?" he asked, moving ahead and reaching the front door.

"crying is an understatement, bawling is more like it," his father commented from the kitchen, poking his head out for a moment before he walked out with a cup of tea in his hands. he handed it over to seungmin. "here, it's not for you."

seungmin took the cup with a grimace. "they don't drink tea."

"it's good for the throat after all that crying over something stupid you did."

huffing out in exasperation, he didn't dare to flash his father a glare so he resulted in a short, awkwardly judgemental look where his eyes and lips were pulled into a fake smile, then he turned around and headed toward the door.

hesitation flooded his mind when he grasped the doorknob—no worries! he knew how to explain this. he could explain this, and he could clear everything up, and you'd laugh and everything would be okay. it was just some joke. a kind of sick joke, perhaps, but he didn't realize it until he opened the door and saw the tears streaming down your dry cheeks.

this was not what he intended. he was looking for anger, playful anger. he was looking to get his arms punched and have curses thrown at him. he wasn't expecting crying, bawling, dry cheeks, and hiccup shoulders. he was expecting none of the vulnerability and all of the aggression, and now he had no idea what to do.

"hey..."

you snapped your head up when you heard his voice. your blurry eyes and blurry mind couldn't detect his expression enough to see that he wasn't in pain to see you here because he didn't want to see you, but that he was in hell because you were crying so hard because of him. and you felt a stump to your chest, something like disappointment but make it less hollow and more upfront.

"actually–nevermind, you don't want to see me–i'll go–" you turned around abruptly, your hands flying up to your eyes and swiping across them before the collar of your shirt tugged you back and made you stop.

seungmin turned you around with one arm and he pushed the cup of tea forward, gesturing for you to take it. you slowly did so, holding the warm mug between your cold hands and looking down at the dark greenery.

"is this about me ignoring your messages for three days?" he asked first, his voice low and defeated.

upon hearing the tragic tale be told to you, you felt yourself tear up again in fear of receiving the assumed terrible truth behind why seungmin decided to stop responding to you, and suddenly your tears were slipping out of your eyes again and threatening the cleanliness of the tea in your hands.

"i'm so sorry if i did something bad, i swear i never meant to do anything to hurt you," you explained to him. "i wasn't trying to get you to ignore me, i swear!"

"i wasn't–you didn't do anything bad, it was all me, [name]," he said with a low huff.

you didn't seem to have heard him, so he tried to tell you to stop crying, but neither did you hear him tell you to stop crying. he stood there in front of you, your mumbling and crying overwhelming his ears and forcing his eyes shut (a coping method for his incoming anger). it took him a while to snap, but he wasn't being rude about it, all he did was call out to you as if you two were standing across the street from each other.

you flinched in surprise, your eyes rounding as you stared at him dead in the eyes. seungmin cleared his throat after he settled down, fixing his already perfect shirt just so he knew where to put his hands. and, when he finally paid his attention to you again, he breathed out a sigh at your still surprised expression.

"look, i was just... i was being annoying and decided to ghost you for three days after you did the same to me," he mumbled, one arm reaching up to your cheek where he wiped the tears away from under your eye with his sleeve. "i'm sorry. i thought it would be funny but it clearly hasn't been the way for you."

you sniffed away the snot, looking up at him as you recalled the time you forgot to message him. you couldn't really remember, but you knew firmly that you would never purposefully do it. it was very likely that you got tired; your social battery needs a recharge every once in a while and it exhausts very quickly.

a lot of people mistake you for being uninterested in them, which you occasionally were, but even those that you like would take your lack of response as a form of rejection. it was hard for you to make friends that way, it always has been, until seungmin marched in with his unique ability to people-read and his rather aloof personality.

one of the things seungmin liked about was probably how you couldn't keep the conversation going on for too long. you were both introverts, with him being more talkative than you were, and he was more than willing to have short talks here and there while giving you a needed silence to recharge. it didn't bother him that he has to make such accommodations just to stay as your friend, and that was one of a kind.

supposed that was why him ghosting you was so hard for you to handle. you didn't want to lose him as a friend, and it sure as hell felt like it the last three days.

"that's terrible of you," you said, taking a small sip of the tea. "you know how i get with conversations."

"i know, i'm sorry," he said, pinching your cheek and almost making you spit out the tea. "i'll make it up to you tomorrow."

"you're gonna buy me lunch, you mean."

"that's me making it up to you good enough."

you rolled your eyes, drinking down the hot liquid and sighing in content when you pulled away. "don't do that to me ever again, or at least give me a heads up if you can't reply."

"of course," he nodded, "i can ask you to do the same?"

you huffed. "it can be arranged."

he laughed. it was a small little laugh, subtle and airy, but it made you feel as if things would be okay. he held up his arms after a moment, looking down at you and frowning slightly with a shy blush on his face.

"hug it out?" he asked.

you laughed with a nod, carefully bringing the cup around his hands and walking into his embrace. when you felt his arms tightened around your body, you smiled.

he made you feel as if things would be okay.

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profoundsaladshoeshark · 3 years

Text

DAY 1 APRIL 29, 2021

Good Morning everyone! So many requirements this week and I can't handle it anymore. I can't manage my time and don't know what to do. I didn't have enough sleep. It's so gloomy outside and rainy. I want to sleep but I have some lessons to study.

It's so cold outside, end of school year is quite near and I'm super excited. I should do first this requirements before enjoying myself watching Netflix movies.

So many tasks to do this week and I'm preparing myself to be productive to do this tasks without being lazy. Before I do some tasks, my grandmother asked me for help to clean her room. We replace the curtains, we mop the floor, we decided to take a break and have some snacks. She made my favorite pineapple juice and I toasted the slice bread and we enjoy eating together.

This Thursday, our internet connection gone unstable. I don't know why but it will come back to normal as soon as possible. I went to my room and take a rest. I used my cellphone, surfed the net, and listen to my favorite classic songs. I turned off the lights and went asleep.

DAY 2 APRIL 30, 2021

This Friday, it was so hot in the morning. I went to the bathroom and take a bath. I saw my grandmother making our breakfast for us. It was eggs and hotdogs. We ate it and I will be the one who will wash the dishes. I went to our living room and I watched my favorite show. My favorite channel is the Cartoon Network and my favorite cartoon is We Bare Bears. They're so cute! I want to hug tight and be my companion to bed when I sleep every night.

I called mom and we talked for awhile when she's not busy. She's working abroad. I dropped the call because I have something to do. Today was my cousin's birthday. Me and my grandmother were invited to attend to his party. When we arrived in their house, we saw them preparing for the birthday party. We arrived earlier than I thought. When I enter on his room, I saw him using his new phone, it was a gift from his dad. Aww, how sweet! I wish when my birthday comes, mom will give me a new phone.

DAY 3 MAY 1, 2021

Thank God it's Saturday! I want to rest this weekends. I want to watch movies at night with my grandmother and also my siblings. I want to use my phone all night and play Mobile Legends because for me it was the most addictive game in the world. I look up in the sky and watch the sunset. Sunset is my favorite scenery because it makes me calm and I was so admired by the sun.

I directly went to my room and changed clothes. I go to the kitchen to make Chicken Adobo, that would be our dinner for tonight. After we ate, I surfed the net, watched horror movie, and felt asleep.

DAY 4 MAY 2, 2021

Sunday morning, I woke up early and I made a milk for myself. Milk is not enough so I cooked my own breakfast today. It was bacon, egg, and hotdog with rice of course. I'm so happy it wasn't overcooked. I charged my phone because I forgot to charge it last night.

It's lunch time, I ate Adobo that I made last night. I go back to my table where I usually study and focus on myself. It's so hot in the afternoon and my eyes are itchy. I don't have any glasses to protect my eyes from the radiation coming from my device. Layer that time, I felt dizzy and weak so I talked to my grandmother and she gave me some medicines, I should take this because I want to feel better as soon as possible. Then I rest and felt asleep.

DAY 5 MAY 3, 2021

I hate Mondays but I woke up early because of the noise coming from outside. I can still feel the dizziness so I take medicines to cure this. Then I lay down in my bed and take a rest. I felt asleep again and woke up in the afternoon, I skipped lunch because I don't want to eat. Feeling well, I go outside and ventilated myself with the fresh wind. I saw my friend walking by and I smile with a wink to her. She smiled back but doesn't wink back.

I checked my temperature and it goes back to normal. I pray to God and thanked Him because He did not forsake me even I'm a sinner. We should pray and have faith on Him, He is great, He loved us all.

Our subject teachers gave us activities and I answered it already because I have time for it and I don't want to fail, my mom would beat me if I fail. I am ready to pass it, but maybe tomorrow I should go to school or I will send it to my aunt and she will be the one who will pass it in the Drop-Pick Area in our school.

DAY 6 MAY 4, 2021

I woke up early to do my laundry because I don't have any clothes to wear. After doing the laundry, I rest for some 30 minutes, then I did my homeworks and some activities. I also workout for like 30 minutes. My grandmother cooked my favorite dish called chop suey for our lunch. I love it since I was a kid, this is my favorite dish.

I go outside and trim some of the bushes. Suddenly, a beggar came to our house, wearing a surgical mask and she asked me if she can obtain some of our papaya fruit. She also said that she was so hungry and she badly want to eat that papaya fruit. She also told me that she's 4 months pregnant. I think she is craving to the fruit. I gave her the perfectly ripe papaya fruit so that she can enjoy it. She was so thankful to me. And i said "Anytime, you're welcome!"

Being generous also makes us feel better about ourselves. We have to focus on what we are giving not on what we are receiving. We have to be selfless.

DAY 7 MAY 5, 2021

Today is Wednesday. Finally, we have our internet connection and was faster than the recent wifi we used. We can watch youtube without lagging, play online games, and lastly surf the net faster than ever before. This day I read books to enhance my reading skills. I also practiced to sing. My voice actually improved when I was a part of Musical Play in Grade 10.

When I was bored in our house, I usually go to Pili to buy groceries and my needs when I have money. I always buy my favorite Choco-Strawberry Milktea. I usually spend my money to buy foods because it helps me to cope and reduce stress. When I have free time, I play online games like COD, ML, Valorant and many more. It helps me to think critically on how to kill enemies, know the strategies, and many more.

DAY 8 MAY 6, 2021

Today is my favorite cousin's birthday. I'm so excited! Her name is Zchan and she is my beloved cousin and also my bestfriend. Since nursery, she's within me. We play our favorite outdoor games, we watch our favorite cartoons together, we do our schoolworks together, even if it there's an Honor List, we ranked 1st together. We are blessed with intelligence but I am more talented thank her. We always brainstorm together when we have a problem to be solved and the funny thing is that we usually had the same idea. I really love her so much. I prepared her a gift, it was a Gucci sweatshirt. My mom bought it for me so I can give her the gift that I know she wants.

I prepared myself, I went to their house, it's already 3:00 and thankfully I am not late. i helped her sister for preparing the party. It's only a small party because of the pandemic and also she didn't wish to have a big party celebration. Later that afternoon, we ate the foods in the table, and after that I also helped wash the dishes.

When I arrived home, I saw my grandma watching news. I proceed to my room, changed my clothes and fell asleep.

DAY 9 MAY 7, 2021

The Finals Examination for Second Semester is near and honestly I am not ready. I should review my lessons this week but I have so many responsibilities to do. We will have the general cleaning in our entire house tomorrow. My grandmother told me that I should prepare and be ready for tomorrow and finish my school activities. I also have to be the cashier in our store and take care of it.

Before our general cleaning, I already clean and organized my room so that tomorrow I will focus only on the other part of the house. Honestly my room is always clean hehe. I don't want other people sneak into my room without any permission from me. I don't want any dust in my room especially in my bed. My grandmother always tell me that she even asked me "Why am I so clean?" I answered her that since I was a kid, I usually get the "Most Neat and Clean Award". And also I told her that Good hygiene lowers your risk for diseases and illnesses commonly spread through viruses and bacteria. Washing yourself and staying clean can kill and remove illness-causing bacteria from your body, lowering the risk for disease. Good hygiene is key to preventing infection when wounds and skin irritation are present.

DAY 10 MAY 8, 2021

It was Saturday, I woke up late and I drink milk and ate some bread to have energy when cleaning the house. I go to the bathroom and take a shower, my grandmother said that I should take shower before doing a household chores.

I started at the front of our house, I sweep those fallen leaves and piled up in a designated area where we burn those leaves. Next that I did was Grass cutting. I used the pruning shears to cut those unwanted grass in our yard. The next that I did is to water my plants. Grandma loves her plants as much as me. I sprinkled some water to the plants to make them alive and healthy. The next thing that I do is to clean the window, I wiped them using squeegee and a cloth to make them dry fast. The last thing that I did is mop inside the house. Then after that I take some rest and eat those snacks that my grandmother prepared for me. Then it was dark and I fell asleep.

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belehakalife · 6 years

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Okay, finally back to finish my MinnCon recap!

I realized I never actually wrote about my photo ops on Saturday, despite putting the pictures up.

Honestly, it went by so fast that it's a bit of a blur, but it was awesome! I got to hug Rachel! And Ruth! And I got a great picture with Kim & Briana! Four amazing ladies that I didn't really know a whole lot about before this weekend, but they have now gained another fan for life. Seriously. Awesome.

So, got half of my photo ops on Saturday, other half on Sunday.

First thing Sunday morning, photo op with Rich! Because I just had to buy one after my Karaoke Selfie with him and Briana didn't work out.

Me: "Can I have a hug?"

Rich: "You may!"

I know everyone always talks about how amazing Jared's hugs are (and they speak truth!!), but seriously guys, look at that picture! Does that not look like an awesome hug? Because it really, really was. 😊

So then I went to wait in line for the auditorium to open. Sat down and started talking with the girl in line behind me - I wish I could remember her name, we ended up sitting next to each other and hanging out most of the day, but I only asked her name once, and now I can't remember! I think it started with an M, and I remember thinking it was a really pretty name.

Anyway, if you happen to see this, Sunday con friend from Shakopee who goes to the U and has a pretty name that I think starts with M, I would love to stay in touch! I meant to exchange contact info before we left and then I forgot. 😞

Loved the beginning of Ruth's panel! Hoping to see the rest of it online, because then I had to go get in line for my photo op with Jared.

And oh my gosh, I was shaking! Which surprised me a bit, because it seems like a lot of times when I think I'm going to be nervous about something, I end up being strangely calm. Yeah, not this time. Shaking.

I was glad I had my little note to give to Jared, because I know I would not have been able to get the words out. I was having a hard time even explaining the note to the volunteer/staff person when I got to the front of the line. She saw the notecard and asked if I had written down my pose and I said no, it's a note. So she wanted me to give it to the handler and they'd make sure Jared got it, and I couldn't get the words out to explain, "No, I'm autistic and this is my way of communicating right now because I know I'm not going to be able to get the words I want to come out of my mouth."

But! The line was moving quickly and I ended up being able to hand the note to Jared. (Although now I'm totally doubting myself and afraid that I did the wrong thing and what if the note was too personal or too heavy and what if I broke the rules about no personal stories without meaning to and they think I'm one of those fans who just thinks the rules don't apply to me and......)

And once again, it's all kind of a blur, but he read the note and told me he was proud of me, and he hugged me (and he really, really does give amazing hugs!!):

And then I do clearly remember his hand on the back of my head, ruffling my hair a bit, and he told me that he was proud of me again. 😊😊😊

And I was still kind of shaking as I walked away, but I was also so happy because I got to hug Jared and thank him for AKF and let him know just a little bit of how SPN and AKF have helped me, and he told me he was proud of me!!!

And that was secretly the one thing I really wanted to hear from him. I really wanted to hear that he was proud of me, and I actually got to hear that and it meant so much.

Back up to the auditorium then, and thanks to my new friend for saving my seat! 💜

Mark Pellegrino's panel was next. I'm not really a huge fan, to be honest he kind of creeps me out. For those of you who like him, that's cool, you do you, you won't be getting any hate from me, but I don't really have anything to say here.

Finally, it was time for Jared & Jensen's panel It was awesome and hilarious and I laughed so much. Especially at Jared's bad jokes. Bad jokes are my favorite kind of jokes, and he told a bunch of them!

(Sidenote, one thing I love about my family is that we have pretty much all read Garrison Keillor's "Pretty Good Joke Book" enough times that if one of us starts telling a joke, someone else will finish it and we'll just start rapid-fire telling all these awesome bad jokes and it's the most hilarious thing. One of my personal favorites? "What's brown and sticky?" (A stick) OR. Another one: "What's orange and sounds like a parrot?" (A carrot.) 😂 Okay, I'm going to stop now because I keep thinking of more and they're just not as funny when you read them.)

Anyway. I'm so bad at remembering everything that was said, but it was a really good time, and I know it's up on YouTube for anyone who wasn't there (or anyone who *was* there and just wants to relive it like me 😜)

Then I went to go grab some food, because I was *really* hungry.

And then it was time for my J2M photo op! And so I was shaking again. Not quite as bad this time, but still. Was having a hard time talking, but I managed to say something like, "I just really want a hug!" And so I got a hug from the guys and I look kind of ridiculous because I had no idea what to do with my hands so I'm just like... standing there...but it was still awesome. 😁

Then I hung out for a while, waiting for my photo to be ready to pick up. Browsed the vendor booths and bought a bunch more stuff.

Eventually picked up my last picture and then it was time to go. And I really didn't want to. There were a couple other people standing by the door feeling the same way - "Once we go out these doors, it's over..." so that helped a bit. Knowing I wasn't the only one having a hard time leaving.

But eventually we all walked out the door and I went back to my car and headed home. I had said that I *might* stop by my parents' house on the way, but then I had a little talk with myself (out loud) while I was driving that went something like this:

"Now, I know you told them you might stop over, but you said *might*! You do not have to. And you are not going to, because it's a BAD IDEA. You are going to go home and you are going to relax, and you are going to skip going to mom and dad's house because it's a BAD IDEA. I know you feel like it's a good idea right now, because you're really excited and you feel like you have to share that with someone, but they are not going to share your excitement. You know what's going to happen if you go over there? They will probably ask about how much money you spent, and even if you don't tell them, they will lecture you about how much money you spent, and they will *not* get it, and you will end up feeling like shit! So you know what? Let's NOT DO THAT! We are going to go home and we are going to be happy and we are going to go on the internet where people will actually get it and share in the excitement. So there." (I think there were also some "Fuck that!"s thrown in there too, because Kim and Briana's language kinda rubbed off on me a little bit, which is totally not a bad thing! 😜)

So I did the smart self-caring thing and went home, and it was a good decision.

Also, I made a Twitter at some point in the past few days, because going to MinnCon kind of brought me out of my shell just a little bit and I really want to keep moving in that direction and actually interacting with people instead of hiding and lurking. So, twitter.com/belehakalife if anyone wants to look me up! 💜

#minncon 2018 #minncon #spnminn

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