#I feel like there’s a lot of irl fans who crap on him because they inherently don’t like the over-the-top rule-of-cool style that is FR | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

amazingphilza · 3 years

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twitchcon :: cc!multiple x reader

fluff , platonic , gender neutral ! some mcyt headcanons if you were to attend twitchcon w them

cc’s included in order: tommyinnit , tubbo , ranboo , wilbur soot , philza , technoblade

cw: kinda lengthy for the minors (i think), not as much for the hags LMAO /hj

tommyinnit

this man is so excited to be at his first twitchcon & being able to hang out with all his best friends makes it a hundred times better

when he isn’t at a panel or doing meet & greets, he’s dragging you everywhere to see the whole convention center (clingyinnit)

he is just so at awe despite this not being his first convention to attend

you’d be surprised he gets tired pretty quickly & stops over to the partner lounge

you both rest for a bit against a wall in a pretty packed hallway despite it being an exclusive area to twitch partners

every time a famous streamer walks by he will yell it out and record it then vlog your reaction, even if they’re surrounded with bodyguards & trying to get to another place quickly

he’d zoom in his camera to their face at a horrible angle and be like

“oh my god it is THE ninja. ninja famous fortnite player, HELLO.”

but he gets completely ignored

then the camera pans out to you, still really zoomed in that the capture is blurry

“ninjainnit?”

“EH?”

tommy is so confused, forgetting the bit ninja did on his twitter where he renamed himself ‘ninjainnit’ for a split second

okay tommy isn’t that athletic but he will chase you and the rest of your group down a hallway if he had to

he’d probably find a toy gun from the artist alley/seller booths and shoot you and wilbur with it

but if tommy stumbles across any of the dream team, it’s about to be minecraft manhunt but irl

and he will def play his stream music while walking or smth when he’s bored (or trying to jump dream & sapnap)

** DO DO DO DO MANHUNT MUSIC **

oh my god,, now thinking about it he’s probably the one to open like random doors of empty rooms and steal stuff while you film him

like he will take a random empty glass, a bunch of pens, a freebie t-shirt, everything he sees he takes with him and you’re just panic

“tommy we’re literally not supposed to be here, and i’m stuck here filming you. it’s surely a felony in action”

“well, it’s their fault for leaving the doors open! plus this is great content. who’s the dirty crime boy now, HM?”

you’d tell wilbur about this and he’d scold tommy and threaten him with the same pen tommy stole

tommy probably would also drag you some weird event happening outside twitchcon along with tubbo and ranboo

“pokimane is giving out free pizza to everyone if we go to this one restaurant down the street!”

“we are literally gonna get bombarded. have you forgot you’re like three of twitch’s top streamers? i’d rather pay for all of our meals than try getting free pizza from pokimane against all her other fans”

“DEAL! let’s go to five guys then!”

you unfortunately end up paying for all 3 of their meals and picking on their food instead of buying your own

even with all of them making way more money than you, they still happen to be cheapskates

OR tommy will end up getting a burrito from a taco truck, immediately making a mess of himself, then proceed to complain how messy the food is to eat despite knowing what he was getting himself into before even ordering

“shit my clothes are all ruined now!”

“well that’s your fault you got a burrito, as if it’s your first time having one”

“i mean the food is good, i’m not complaining about that but i don’t think it’s that good that it’s worth costing my red and white shirt, im just saying”

tubbo

same with tommy, he is so excited

i don’t know why but i imagine him overpacking his suitcase and you making fun of him for it

anyway tubbo has his irl backpack on and streaming EVERYTHING

probably spends a lot of time at a bunch of different booths, checking out all the pointless gadgets he could buy for his stream

you’re the one to stop him from doing so

“TUBBO IT’S LITERALLY OVER TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS, STOP. DONT GET IT.”

“WHY NOT?? IT WILL BE COOL FOR MY STREAM AND I WILL USE IT EVERYDAY”

“okay theoretically speaking, how the hell are you going to even bring it home? which—let me remind you—is across the country for you and not to mention the giant ocean separating america and the uk”

“free ship-pang!!!”

“i hate to break it to you tubbo but there is no way you can get free shipping on a FIVE FOOT PC. it’s nearly as tall as you! what are you even gonna do on it, hack the government???”

the arguments are all lighthearted but eventually you give in and let him splurge over a thousand dollars in different devices he claimed he “needed”

i could honestly see him visiting the beaches in san diego and going for a swim or even renting out a boat to use for a bit :D

also he’d bring benson along with him and taking a bunch of scenic photos with it in them

i have a feeling he’s the type to schedule a spontaneous meet & greet because he was bored & gets in trouble for causing a mob in a certain part of the convention

he’s like “oh god, i did not expect this many of the bois to show up AHAHAH oops”

tubbo would def pull a lilypichu and bring his melodica or ukulele and play themes while following random people/cosplayers

at the end of the day, you’d find his bag just stuffed with crap he either got for free or bought in the convention

“how did you get all that stuff? i was with you all day??? and it’s only the first day of the convention, hello?? it looks like you’ve been collecting as if twitchcon has went on for a week already!”

“HA i have my ways, do not underestimate my powers”

lani would probably tag along for the vacation honestly

like whenever someone comes up to her giving her gifts/asking for pics, you and tubbo would tease her about how famous she is

and i dunno but something about tubbo just gives me this amusement park energy and going to legoland and spending the whole day there since it’s near by and because he can

ranboo

he is like a beacon in a sea of people, that’s it .

i honestly just see him causing as much chaos as the other two

ranboo would probably like take someone’s camera whether if they’re streaming or if it’s for the vlog, hold it up high, and point the camera directly above someone’s face

it did not matter how tall you were and if you had platform shoes on, ranboo was a skyscraper next to you

“HAHAH this is how i see you from this height, this is funny”

then he shows you the vid of the recording of him getting like an aerial view of your face

like you see your nose and all your pores and just overall a bad angle to be captured in

“OH GOD RANBOO DELETE THAT, ITS HORRIFIC”

i dunno why but i feel like he’d jump scare every person that was cosplaying as his minecraft character from behind for some reason

“BOO!”

“ranboo i’m not even remotely dressed as your skin—”

“don’t worry i’m practicing it’s fineee”

“you’re like the height of 2 people combined, i think you will be fine as is. you even intimidated the security at the front”

i feel like if he had his own panel he’d like pull up some undertale song in the middle of it and scare all the people in the crowd

“lore but in real life”

probably would get some matching keepsake with you from artist alley/the booths!

i could imagine like a cute keychain or smth :D

i feel like he’s the type to like randomly volunteer as a participant for those mini events in a booth thinking it would be funny but regrets it the moment he’s on stage

after introductions the presenter is like “okay ranboo, you will be given a random meme prompt above your head you won’t be able to see until after and you will have to make a random face to compliment it!”

and you can just tell by his facial expression he’s just thinking

oh god what have i gotten myself into

what is this game? who came up with this idea?

you’d laugh at him the whole time, even after he’s off the stage and finished with that small fiasco

“that was horrible. never again.”

“AHAHAH IT LOOKED SO AWKWARD YOU DID GREAT”

“I CROSSED MY EYES AND PUFFED MY CHEEKS BECAUSE I COULDNT THINK OF ANY OTHER FACIAL EXPRESSION. THE PROMPT ENDING UP BEING ‘WHEN TWITTER CANCELS YOU FOR USING PLASTIC STRAWS.’ AND WHEN I SAW WHAT IT WAS—LITERALLY WHAT KIND OF GAME–”

“I GOT PICTURES AND EVERYTHING ITS PERFECT AHAHAHAH”

wilbur soot

honestly with wilbur it’s slightly more chill

he already experienced twitchcon before so he’s just glad to see his friends again after so long

insists that you explore the convention yourself rather than sticking with him the whole time but you do anyway!

wilbur would probably have like a mini concert and gets you front row seats with the rest of the group

but that doesn’t mean before it that you’re not helping him set up

“y/n please– my amp is so heavy, i can carry it”

“don’t worry! i’m strong” :D

and musically talented or not, he will probably bring you and the rest of his friends up to stage to just vibe and sing a bunch of random acoustic songs

it’s not like some big concert hall stage,, i imagine more like a casual thing w a slightly higher platform from the ground yk?

after spending a long day at the convention he’d also bring everyone across the city to la jolla or smth !

you’d all probably have dinner there and chill, watching the pretty sunset

“this place is really pretty but oh my god im gonna lose my breath hiking up this stupid hill, please slow down”

and wilbur is like ??? because he’s completely fine with his long legs and everything

“just walk faster”

“no, you walk slower”

AHAHAH and for context traversing through la jolla by walking around the town is a bit hard since it’s basically on a bunch of hills (walking up from the beach to a restaurant actually is actually sm work, trust me ive been there)

wilbur honestly doesn’t spend that much time in the actual convention center, he’s probably sightseeing a bit of san diego with you instead

but i could imagine him staying at the tabletop games area playing dnd or smth

“c’mon y/n, come join!”

“uhh i’m not sure, i’m not the best at roleplay and...”

“it’s fine don’t worry!”

he’d pull you in with him and end up enjoying yourself even if it was your first time

and if you’re of age, you’d be wilbur’s +1 at the twitch partner party and make sure mans doesn’t too drunk

if it’s not too late in the night, you two would chill at the beach after the party

it’s just a nice, calming moment after all the loud music mixed with hundreds of conversations at the party

also something about like taking polaroids pictures with wilbur just seems to go hand in hand for me

i’m not sure why but you will be taking lots of pics with wilbur for sure (not necessarily you both in the photo, but of sceneries as well while you’re together!)

philza

literally a dad on vacation with his children, it doesn’t matter how old you are

need sunscreen? surprisingly has it

want a snack? probably has a small granola bar somewhere in his bag

but same with wilbur, he’s more chill like this isn’t his first time at twitchcon

omg he’d def bring you to the artist alley and just buy a bunch of fanart and stuff tho

“oh wow look phil, someone made a giant poster of the dream smp and shit!”

“holy shit that’s so good what the fuck!”

and he’s like rushing to that artist’s stall to buy a poster or print

idk why but phil seems like the person to know where he’s going all over the convention center

he probably had a copy of the directory map but yk

you just have trouble reading it bc all the signs seem to be misleading to you

nothing really crazy screams out to me of what phil would do at twitchcon besides like go to a few events, spend a bunch of time w his friends, etc

HOWEVER i could see him wasting a lot of his time at the gaming area and testing new games that are currently on the works of being developed

like “woah y/n, this vr game is sick, you should try it out!”

ngl i feel like phil would plan a visit to disneyland for everyone, like he gets the tickets and everything but once you’re at the park it’s free reign, y’all go everywhere with not much of a plan

the minors would try to cheap out phil and pay less than the others even though everyone else fully paid phil back and everything LMAO

ok but if he’s feeling nice, phil will buy everyone cotton candy/pretzels :D

and if you’re not hungry, he’d at least get you a mickey balloon

HE WILL HAVE MATCHING MICKEY EARS WITH MUMZA YES .

ALSO STAYING FOR THE FIREWORKS THOUGH OMG

just in general, best idea phil had for taking everyone to disneyland :D

technoblade

surprisingly techno is really calm despite this being like one of his first conventions

but when he finally settles in and gets comfortable, he’s showing the same energy

if you’re playfully yelling, he will yell back

however there’s still those awkward moments that are unavoidable

idk why but something about him makes me think that if you feel tired and want to go back to your hotel room, he’d go with you just to make sure you get there safe

he probably also needs a break from being around everyone else for a moment too LMAO

i could also see him searching far and wide in the artist alley for fanart of himself AHAHAH

walking around with him in the convention consists of someone yelling “BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD” every 5 minutes but you don’t really mind

something about him makes me think he’ll be forced into playing minecraft twitch rivals along with the rest of sbi or smth

and he’s like “oh god, i’m going to be on stage? and people will see my face while i play minecraft?”

“i’m sure it will be fun!”

“i mean i like being competitive and feeding my ego, but i’m not that desperate.. well”

do i imagine techno getting easily tired of being surrounded by a bunch of people and just going back to his hotel room with phil and watching some anime with him? yes

and will you watch even if you have no idea what’s going on? also yes

i feel like after a while of you guys hanging out in techno’s room, the rest of the gang will just slowly join you guys

like eventually everyone is there; you, techno, phil, wilbur, niki, tommy, tubbo, ranboo, etc

and techno is like “wha– where did you guys come from?” because his room is basically packed

and niki could be like “oh we can go if you want!”

then techno just insists that she’s fine “but who let the child get in?” clearly implying tommy’s presence

“OI!!”

eventually techno gives in with the company and someone gets a bunch of board games to play from the front desk

lots of yelling and laughing for sure

when it becomes late at night, techno is like half conscious, you’re on your phone, wilbur is staring out the window & enjoying the night view, tommy is passed out on the couch from tiredness, tubbo & ranboo is still wide awake quietly talking, and phil & niki are helping clean up the giant mess

eventually everyone brings themselves to go back to their own room except tommy who won’t budge

you give techno a look and he immediately understands what you were thinking

he rushes to the bathroom to fill up two cups with ice cold water and handed one to you

“on three?”

“okay.. one”

“two”

“three!”

then both of you pour the water on the poor child’s face

he jolts awake and saying a string of curses

“what the fuck techno? y/n too?”

“get out” is the only think techno says that before tommy rushes out with his stuff and you leave right after

a/n: i honestly can’t wait until conventions open up again though,, phil and ranboo were talking about vidcon earlier and omg.

also i kinda want to take in tommy requests but i’m not sure??? it would be both cc! and c! x gn!reader for sure tho. i love writing him to bits but who knows, maybe i’ll only stick to my ideas,, or not. send in a tommy x reader request, might do it, might not, but he’s my fav cc if you can’t tell so! :D (i dunno if i will keep it strictly platonic, but unrequited crushes and stuff are fun to write hehe,,)

edit: let’s hope i fixed all the grammar mistakes LMAO we love writing late at night :) /s /hj

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

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Phone Call Anxiety

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: When wanting to make quality merch, one needs a quality team there to produce and work on quality ideas. Great minds think alike. Great eyes see alike and great hands make alike - the three keys to the formula of creating a clothing line that will be fashionable and up to his brand. Luckily, Corpse knows just who to call.

Requested by Anon. Hi hun! Thank you so much for your wonderful request, I absolutely loved the idea! Sorry you’ve had to wait for it to be turned into a fic for so long, but I still hope you come across it and give it a read in which case I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

He’s not a fan of phone calls. Anyone who knows him even remotely is very well informed on Corpse’s distaste for phone calls and upholding a conversation over the phone. He’d even go as far as to say talking to a person face to face is less stressful for him than that previous option.

But still, seeing as how the person he’s trying to reach lives in a different state and is rather busy all the time, arranging an IRL meeting is basically impossible at the moment, and sending her a text results in running the risk of having the text overlooked or completely lost in the sea of notifications she probably gets on the daily.

Therefore, a phone call was his only proper way of reaching her. And it’s what’s got him pacing the room with his nervousness peaking. He doesn’t know anything about this girl, nothing concrete at least. He was referred to her by Jack who brought her up in their passing conversation when Corpse mentioned how paranoid he was regarding his upcoming merch project. He specifically stated he doesn’t want anything basic and he wants the clothes to be fashionable, suitable for anyone no matter the age or gender and to be endurable. With all the love he has for his fans, he doesn’t want to give them anything less than what they deserve - the best.

“My friend’s the person you’re looking for.“ Jack said enthusiastically and confidently, “She helped me design the latest merch line I put out and I’ve never been more satisfied with my own merch. I’m planning on offering her a position in Cloak for her birthday. Make sure not to let that one slip out if you give her a call though.“ He warned half-jokingly.

Bottom line, with that kind of intro, Corpse couldn’t help but let his interest be piqued. And so, he asked for this girl - Y/N’s contact info from Jack before he went to surf through her social media where she thankfully posted plenty of pictures of her creations, never failing to mention specifications in the caption of each picture so the viewers would get the perfect and most detailed idea of how high the standard for her work is.

And so he’s finally managed to talk himself into dialing her number that’s been sitting in his phone for weeks now. As he paces his living room, his nerves chewing him out like a dog would with a toy, listening to the ear piercing ring of the dial waiting to get picked up by the girl he’s trying to reach.

Just then, Corpse’s head turns so that his eyes meet the glowing red numbers on his digital clock on his desk and he damn near hangs up the call right away - it’s half an hour past midnight. Fast as lightning, he removes the phone from his ear, his thumb flying over to press the red ‘end call’ button. Just then, a faint ‘hello’ reaches his ears, coming from the phone’s speaker. She’s answered the call.

He hurries to put the phone back up to his ear.

“Hey, sorry for taking so long to pick up, I ought to clean my desk eventually cause my phone was literally BURIED under a pile of papers.“ A cheerful sing-song voice rattles his stale and sleep deprived consciousness, as if awakening him from a half-dream state. “You’re either a wrong number caller or a last minute client, aren’t you? Need something done urgently?“

Corpse is taken the hell aback by her strong and downright awing first impression. Not to mention her energy at an hour unsuitable for calls. Lord knows he wouldn’t have picked up if her were in her spot. With the intention of not wasting any more of her time than necessary, he hurries to explain his situation. “Y/N, right? Um no, I’m neither actually. I was told about you by a friend, he said you were a real miracle-doer with fashion design.” He trails off for a second, not completely sure of how to hold this conversation, “Uh, sorry for the odd timed call, I lost track of time. I’ve been meaning to call you for hours now but I...I was nervous.” He cringes the second the word leaves his lips, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He doesn’t know why he wants to leave her with a great, better than realistic impression of himself but he does and as of now he deems his attempts as ultimate failures.

He hears her giggle from her end, rifling through what sounds to be papers, “Yeah, I’m her. And boy is it refreshing to get someone who’s calling with an actual purpose.” She sighs as if a weight’s been lifted off her shoulders, “And don’t worry about the phone call anxiety. Makes two of us, to be honest.”

This catches him off-guard. The last thing he’d expect is for this girl to have phone call anxiety. In fact, she appears to be a natural, God-given talent at carrying conversations and upholding chit-chat with people. Maybe he’s a little too quick to judge - probably, considering he’s ‘known’ her for less than five minutes and knows nothing but her occupation, her name and the state she lives in - but that bubbly persona she greeted him with gave off the impression that it’s immune to any and all kinds of social anxiety - or anxiety in general. To hear such an honest and counter-to-assumptions confession on her part rattles him a tiny bit. In a good way though.

“How does that work for you? Isn’t your whole job depending on your phone conversational skills?“ He doesn’t mind that he didn’t phrase that too perfectly or that he straight up blurted it out. He knows he’ll be understood. She’s obviously a person who understands. Not just something specific, but everything. She simply understands. How he drew this conclusion and how accurate it is, he may not know until further notice.

“Well...“ she sighs as if genuinely looking to give him a proper answer, “You see, after doing it for so long and having been caught off guard quite a few times with some absolutely absurd orders, I’ve grown prepared of literally ANYTHING and I have a line prepared for anything the caller has to say. I just no longer let them catch me off guard and it’s fine. Helps avoid any possible awkward silences.“

Corpse’s eyebrows shoot up, her explanation only raising more questions rather than providing answers. But he’s not gonna be the annoying dumbass asking those questions at close to 1AM and bugging her. After all, if she agrees to this partnership, they’ll be hearing and potentially seeing a lot more of each other soon. “Impressive, honestly. You’re gonna need to teach me sometime.“ He’s unaware he’s smiling until he catches his reflection in the window. However, he doesn’t bother hiding it. This conversation is actually making him feel good, serving as a reminder that he’s not the only one who periodically goes through turmoil over small things.

She giggles again, this time the sound manages to draw a blush out of him, coating his cheeks, “I’d typically stray for revealing my secrets to professional success, but I’m willing to make an exception for you...” she pauses for a second as though she’s just now remembered something, “Oh shoot, I don’t even know your name.”

He wheezes out a nervous laugh, realizing he never introduced him, “Oh yeah, sorry, that’s my bad. My name’s Corpse, nice to meet ya.”

“Nice to meet you too, Corpse.“ Y/N replies, sounding pleased but teasing simultaneously, “Now tell me, you didn’t call me about my phone call secrets, did you? What may be the real purpose of your call?“

Oh shoot, he himself almost forgot what he was calling for. Luckily, the reference designs displayed on his computer screen remind him. “Right, well, I’ve been thinking of launching a new merch line either this month or the next, depending on how long the procedure will take, and I needed someone great on my team to make some merch actually worth the money people are paying for it. And, as I said, I was told you were in that ‘someone great’ category.”

“Told by who, if you don’t mind me asking?“ She briefly cuts him off, her voice now giving away the fact that she’s half-absent-minded in this conversation, added evidence be the ruffling of more papers on her end.

“Jack. I mean, Sean. You know, Jacksepticeye.“ Corpse explains, contemplating whether he should’ve ratted Jack out like that. Hearing the sound of delight Y/N lets out eases his worries ASAP though.

“Oh Gosh, I haven’t seen that cutie in so long! He’s like a brother to me so a friend of Jack’s is a friend of min-“ this time she cuts herself off so abruptly Corpse thought the line was cut or she hung up on him. She doesn’t let him wonder for long though, “Wait, wait, wait....Merch? And you’re friends with Jack?“ She pauses for a second once again, once again not a long enough second for Corpse to speak up. “You’re a famous YouTuber, aren’t you?“

He was completely unaware of the fact Y/N hadn’t realized he was someone famous yet. In fact, he didn’t think of it because he thought it wouldn’t be a big deal to her considering she’s friends with Jack-fucking-septiceye! In his mind, his ranking is far lower than Jack’s - despite that mindset being absurd - so the last thing he expected was for her to have some sort of impressed reaction to have been talking to him on the phone this whole time. Hell, she doesn’t even know his full YouTube name or what kind of content he produces.

“WAIT!“ She shouts urgently, startling him a tiny bit, “You’re Corpse Husband, aren’t you? Oh my God, yes you are, how didn’t I put it together sooner? Ah crap, I really need more coffee for this.“

“No! No, you need more sleep.“ Corpse hurries to correct her but is very clearly ignored or overlapped with the many sounds that are coming from her end, “What are you doing?“

“You’re getting the first rough sketch of a design by tomorrow morning.“ She says, taking a sip of whatever beverage she’s acquired for the purpose of keeping her awake, “You go ahead and get some sleep, I know exactly what I’m doing. Don’t worry about it.“

“I’m not worried about the design.“ He hurries to say before she, God forbid, hangs up on him, “It’s 1AM, woman, you need sleep! I don’t need those designs done by tomorrow. Hell, I don’t even need them this week!“

“You don’t, but I do.“ Y/N says, sounding almost breathless because of what seems to be overwhelming excitement, “You don’t get it - I’m designing merch for Corpse fucking Husband! You have any idea how crazy that is?“

“I personally would say it’s underwhelming. I mean, I’m no Pewdiepie, after all.“ He says, now sat at his desk with his free hand rubbing his temple as he stares at the designs he’s pulled up on his screen, ones he probably won’t need given that he’s now working with a professional.

“Oh, shut it.“ She chuckles, “Shut it and get some sleep, ok? I’ll talk to you in the morning.“

“Noooo...“ He leisurely stretches the word, “Tell me, Y/N, do you have Discord?” She clicks her tongue instantly, giving him a signal that the question he’s asked is bordering into the territory of ridiculous. He playfully rolls his eyes, “Alright then, lemme find you. If we’re partnering up on this, we’re both staying up.”

“You know you can just straight up tell me you don’t fully trust me with this? Like, I won’t be offended, I get it.“ She murmurs in-thought, the sound of clicking evident on her end.

“You know you can just straight up tell me you don’t want me bothering you and want me to leave you alone?“ He mimics her statement, smirking to himself as he pulls up Discord, knowing he’s already won.

She huffs and tells him her Discord info, quickly adding a small comment, “...but only because great minds think alike. I know we’ll be getting along on this design pretty nicely.”

“Yeah, yeah, right, sure, whatever you say.“ He laughs, “Accept my friend request and let’s drop this phone call.“

“Hey! - um, before we do that, I just wanna say a quick thank you.“ Y/N murmurs quietly, as if half-hoping he doesn’t hear her.

“For what?“ Corpse asks, his brows furrowing, unsure if they’re on the same page about this gratitude.

“For never once triggering my phone call anxiety.“ She admits, “I mean, I know I said I have lines prepared for every conversation scenario possible, but you totally caught me off-guard.“ She giggles a tiny bit, now sounding dangerously close to nervous, “But, not in a bad way, if that makes sense. Sorry if it doesn’t, I need more coffee.“

“No, no, it does!“ He hurries to reassure her, “It really does. And thank you too. Thank you for, you know, tolerating my BS at this hour. God knows I would’ve ignored your call if our roles were reversed.“

He hears her scoff and can’t help but laugh, “Huh ok, I see.“ She says, sounding greatly triggered and mock-pissed at his confession, “I’ll make sure to think of that next time you call me after midnight. Or at all, ever.“

Laughing his butt off, the only thing Corpse can think of in this moment is:

Damn, this girl and I are gonna get along

@maat-the-prescriptive @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @itsminniekat @hacker-ghost @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 @chrysanthykios @maehemscorpyus @loraleiix @letsloveimagines @annshit @i-cant-choose-a-username-help @enigmaticmaze @divine-artemis @waterlilypat @idontknowwhatthisisfam @evi-ka @classyandfabulous00 @redperson58 @lilysdaydreams @solowheein @mythicalamphitrite @axen-gers @luckygirl144 @nj01 @buddyemily @the-albino-lioness @stardream14 @gdhdkfnn @nomadicgypsyy @preciousskye @fluffysuicideunicornsworld @o-kaelin @manacharlotte @awkward-youtube-trash @lolalee24 @bonky-beerns @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian @strawbrinkofdeath @teenloves @tams0527 @browneyespinkhair @starstruckllamapuppy @daisychains012 @y0ulooked @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life @jula-pauline @melodykitty @just-that-bi-girl @crazybutconfidentaf @lowellshade @alphakees @bellero @weallneednamjesus @starryhanji @boiled-onionrings @husherstan @fockingwhore @melaningoddessthings @prettypastelpetals @haleypearce @godwhyamiawkward @y-napotat @daisychainyoonmin @little-miss-rebel3 @free-wheelin-bi-sexual @redmoon261 @darkacademic2 @wiseflamingoqueen @into-the-end @namikhai-i @nastiablr @thelittleplantlover @mirktuan @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny @vintagegothlover @easygoingtheatre @itsrandombooklover @miiaivi @emmybaybee @befourgolden @jjk-is-my-shit @eternalteaaars @spacebadgerx @princesslunalight @acequinn14 @samm48 @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa @fo-love @marishimomura-blog @therealglenncoco @cinnamonbun332 @killtherandomness @sanshinexxxsan @fee-btheweeb @press-lay @cathleenpotgieter16 @jazzydoesstuff @moonlxghtbay @forestrain2000 @hyunjinhugs @blood-of-fandoms @lovellylies @ukiyolixx @simpforhpcharacters @chrisdylan17 @parkerjisung @pedernille @theodonyous @wineandionysus @malfoystilinskii05 @morbid-x @coryisagee @jessewa26 @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365 @raeanneinwonderland @indecisive-empanada @gluttonypalace @loriane2503 @btsiguess-kpop @khaoticbunny @lucidlycactus @smiithys @rottenroyalebooks @kpopgirlbtssvt @fangirl-tc27 @fr0z3n-1 @notmesimpingfortechno @shotarosleftpinky @kunoi-chan @idk-whats-wrong-with-me @yikeroonie @goldenstarofthunderclan @poetry-and-tea @ama-do-writing-stuff @wishbonewolf @emeraldxhope @t0xick1tty @kusuinko @speakyourselfloveyourself @sophia902103 @lo-manburg @classsykittykat @dmgama @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee @btsiguess-kpop @akaashi-baby @gun-jong-simp @geschichtenfee @yerapotato-wp @browneyedgirl365 @thysagclub @sparklycloudnight @helloatomicshadow @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal @lucy-bunny17 @aaliyahh0 @katluckybear @boyleanti @straybids @franchesca-791 @cosmicstorm19 @averyisbackinthetrashcan @aomi-nabi @xlanawriter @allensimpsforcorpse

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handonhaven · 3 years

Note

Look I obviously don’t know kb irl but I don’t get the impression she’s that great? Like a lot of the people who bully actors / fans and especially poc actors are fans of her character yet she stays silent. Correct me if I’m wrong but I’ve never seen her come out and say “guys stop” I feel like she’s benefiting from the hate so she doesn’t which is gross. I don’t think hosie is gonna happen but if they were I’d stop watching till they broke up and Handon got back together because I don’t support a show that allows their fans to bully poc actors and then rewards them for it.

Yeah... I mean, I don’t wanna judge, I’ve always thought she seemed like a nice person, but I don’t agree with her encouraging the bullies in the fandom. Because you’re right, a large majority of the fans who are doing most of the bullying and who have made this fandom the miserable place that it is are her fans/Josie fans. And I don’t really stay up to date on what she posts or says, but as far as I know, she’s never spoken up about it. Even though she’s surely aware of it because I think she’s more active on social media and interacts with fans more? And when the hatred and bullying spreads to the actors, why not say something? The Landon hate has gone on for years, and people have attacked Aria for a long time now. And he’s her friend, so it would be nice if she’d stick up for him? Even if he’s not even aware of it since he’s not active on social media, you’d think seeing crap said about your friend would make you wanna say something, or at least not do anything to support those fans? And same with Courtney, she’s gotten attacked so much since last season, and they seem to be good friends, so again, why is she hyping up the people attacking her friend? At least that’s what it sounds like, from what she supposedly said at the convention, and other interviews as well. I agree, I think she does benefit from it, her fans worship her even more when she supports H*sie. Speaking up about all the hate could have the opposite effect, but idk why you’d even want fans like that anyway? I certainly wouldn’t. But yeah, I sure hope that H*sie never happens, and if it does, I’ll stop watching too. If anything, I’ll just watch Landon scenes until Handon get back together and not even count the rest as canon in my mind. Because I’m so sick of them ruining ships just for fanservice. But it wouldn’t even be just that, regardless of ships, I also wouldn’t support a show that’s gonna reward bullies and validate their hatred. And they seem so concerned about presenting “healthy” messages in the show, if they reward a group of people who have been so toxic and horrible to other fans, as well as the cast and crew, that would be so hypocritical.

#answered #anti hosie

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the-bjd-community-confess · 3 years

Text

Many Divaz/Z3st confos

Mod: Not all the ones in the inbox, but a batch of them to peruse at your leisure.

1. Z3st got told by a mod on the BJD Discord to stop with his drama-mongering. He argued with the mod. In b4 he whines here about the BJD Discord.

~Anonymous

2. @A certain someone: DOA mods warning you to stop making drama or else ban is not an attack on you. BJD Discord mod warning you to stop making drama or ban is not an attack on you. They're just doing their jobs. To stop finding yourself in situations where you feel attacked, don't make drama. Seriously it's getting super tiresome seeing your crap all over the place esp since you're acting like someone shot your dog or smth. You're doing this to yourself and blaming others for your own actions.

~Anonymous

3. My friend got messaged on FB by Z3st because they posted in support of Divaz. Z3st called them names and tried to prove his "innocence". Apparently my friend wasn't the only person Z3st did this to, I wouldn't be surprised if he did it to everyone who commented in support of Divaz. Z3st is crying about being the victim but all I see is him being the aggressor. Who the fuck messages people they don't know to harass them like that?

~Anonymous

4.@al3xcessive... you can't blame someone for "doxxing" you when you put your information out there first. Also, that's not what "doxxing" is, they've literally only showed your name AFTER YOU SHOWED IT YOURSELF PUBLICLY. All of your other information was hidden. I searched for your name on FB and wouldn't have ever found you if you hadn't gone and shown yourself by spamming comments on the post.

~Anonymous

5.lol al3xcess claiming he'd been "harassed" when he DMs random people to call them bootlickers and they tell him to fuck off xD

~Anonymous

6.If the customer is batshit terrible to work with, you refund them and ban them. Don’t feed trolls and all. Seems simple? But Div4s just gonna dox somebody like that? Even their most hardcore fans ought to be sayin “hol up” instead of cheering.

~Anonymous

7.Lol @ Z3st calling Divaz "insidiously hostile" when he himself is this way and he even admitted it: "i had been nothing but nice, and ABSURDLY patient, and understanding and looking back now the gushing tone in which i took makes me sick" - Looking at HIS OWN receipts, his "absurdly nice" is just normal decency. It really says a lot about him that he considers it absurd and that it makes him sick. Divas aren't the ones being insidious, Z3st, you admitted you were deceptive from the getgo.

~Anonymous

8.I'm done with r_s who defend BJDivaz on DoA. I had to wait MONTHS for any sign of life from them, they NEVER answer their emails, and they've mishandled ALL of my orders. They won't be an adult about this! If you're ordering from them, you're pretty much supporting them. Stop.

~Anonymous

9.Neutral to Divaz but seeing them did a call out to a troublesome customer is a bit uncomfortable. I believe they should have kept the person's name as anon, never mention their irl or username. I understand that they are upset that their business reputation is damaged by the customer's words but still a business shouldn't blast their customer's personal info on public platform. A business should be a business. Personal feelings should be handled off the business page.

Again I fully understand Divaz is human too and they can feel upset by exaggerated rumours but a business shouldn't be so sensitive to any provocation. I'm sure other dealers also get a lot of negative comments but we seldom hear them talk about it publicly. Really not my place to say, I think Divaz should try to keep personal emotions off their business page. Occasional bad press will naturally go away on its own if they can maintain good and satisfied customers on a long run. I feel like them fighting back against angry (ex) customers and seeking comfort from others is not the best move as a business. It is fine that they express their frustration to their family and friends but definitely not on a public business page. It just feels unprofessional. It's my 2 cents.

Sorry Divaz, I know you don't want to hear this but please do try to keep personal feelings aside when running a business. It will really help you on a long run. Haters will only use this against you because they know you will react to their provocation. This will never end and only damge your reputation further. Hope for the best.

~Anonymous

10. Cheeesus, that long Divaz post on that DoA user is too much. With all the precise time-stamps details and quotations, it's like a lawyer presenting a courtcase like "the evidence here shows that at 'hour;minute' you said this XXX. Is it true?" And we, the witnesses/audience, are all called to participate in the judgment. lol

~Anonymous

11. ne1 else get msged by Z3st on fb cuz he wants to bitch u out for posting on divaz?

~Anonymous

12. Divaz doxxes and stalks people, talks shit about customers on their FB, forgets to place orders, hands out tons of excuses for why they can't reply... among other things. Why the fuck are you all still dealing with them? Cl0ver singing, Alice's and a bunch of other companies are ten times better. Stop👏 validating👏 shitty 👏companies 👏

~Anonymous

13.There are certain people who always jump to the defense of BjDivaz and get mad when other people have legitimate issues with them. Get a life. Some of us have real problems and bad experiences ordering from them.

~Anonymous

14. I know everyone has a different situation and state their opinion with what they have already experienced, but I'm not gonna lie that I felt bad when I read someone saying that bjdivaz long layaways aren't even neccesary and they should just remove it. While I do agree bjdivaz could improve in how they manage some stuff, at the same time they are the only ones that let me "join" the hobby and don't feel bad because I can't pay in full or put down big payments as other hobbyists. I know it's not neccesary and I can save, but from someone who comes from a place of poverty I already feel guilty enough spending in a hobby and having big amounts of money always end up in paying emergencies and starting from 0 again. So these "really long and unnecessary layaways" give me the opportunity to not feel as guilty and enjoy something like the rest without spending too much every month to the point that it could affect my daily life.

~Anonymous

15. Z3st/Alex is legitimately evil for what he's doing, trying to put a company out of business that, per the emails that he himself posted, has never been anything but helpful to him (and many others). I'd bet he's the main source of all the BJDivaz hate going on here, and the miserable people around here were more than happy to grab their pitchforks and join his mob. Stop it.

~Anonymous

#BJD #ABJD #BJD Confessions #TrueBJDConfessions #BJD Dealers #BJD Groups

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tellywoodtrash · 3 years

Note

Hey, gonna bring something dark here (tw: rape), so please do not read further and delete this if it's a trigger for you ❤️

Did you see what's happening with Pearl Puri? He was arrested for raping a minor? And God, his tag has been trending, with people jumping to his defense.

I've always been vocal about normalizing of problematic, abusive nonsense in our media. We all know ITV is particularly guilty of this, and one of the reasons I've been following your blog for years now is because you also call out this absolute fucking nonsense. I've gotten a lot of flak for how much I call all this out irl- 'separate fiction from reality, don't be such a feminist, stop taking everything so seriously' blah blah blah. I'm completely capable of separating fiction from reality, which is why I let myself watch all this trash for entertainment. I worry because not all audiences can do that. I'm an adult woman capable of critical thinking, but there's no denying that young, impressionable girls are also exposed to this content.

What I worry about is situations like what I'm seeing today- young girls in the tag jumping to his defense, because they've seen his character, and they like him, and interviews mein he seemed sweet. I'm not saying the normalization of toxic content is the sole reason for people reacting like this, but I can't deny that the phrases being used are the same ones used by the same fan accounts to justify toxic characters- 'Feminist agenda to blame men' and 'playing the woman card' and 'men are misunderstood in our society, we must give benefit of doubt.' It's hard to not wonder whether lines between reel and real are getting blurred for some young audiences, and it honest to God terrifies me.

Yes, Pearl could be innocent. But he could also not. Why give him the benefit of doubt, and not the minor girl? When will we start believing victims, and stop throwing the exceedingly rare false cases in their faces? I'm also so disappointed by celebrities jumping in with social media support. If he's your friend and you truly believe him, great, you know him personally so you actually have more grounds to believe him than fangirls who like his interviews. I get it, but support him offline na? I'm sure he can stay away from insta for a few days if the online negativity is such a problem. But this just seems like jumping on the bandwagon of a trending topic, when investigation is ongoing. I have seen Anita Hassanandani, Ekta Kapoor, Surbhi Jyoti, Karishma Tanna, Nia Sharma...all these women come to his defense...stay the hell out till the investigation happens, and then do all these #truthwins crap.

Idk how I feel about all this, but it's certainly disheartening. I'm sorry again for bringing all this to your inbox, so please, do feel fully free to delete this message and not respond. Love always to you ❤️

Hi friend!

I certainly appreciate the trigger warning and the consideration in your message. 💞💞💞

I mean, you said everything that I am thinking and feeling. I think as a viewer, I am okay to consume this kind of trash because I am constantly (over)analyzing everything I consume. I am also very very aware that I don’t know a lot of things due to my upper-caste cishet privilege and thus am constantly open to learning. If one is not that kind of discerning, and not doing that kinda work to educate themselves, then they frankly shouldn’t be watching this crap coz lord, the amount of brain rot I am seeing due to people not being able to differentiate between onscreen and off.

I simply do not understand why people can’t get over their bias to think about the sheer power dynamic in this case: he’s a rich celebrity with tons of support from influential people, and the victim is/was a MINOR. Even if the accusation is false, what has he suffered? Literally nothing. He spent a few hours in jail and then will be vindicated. What if the accusation is true? The victim has gone through so much more; a crime of a sexual nature, WHILE BEING UNDERAGE, and then no doubt lots of persecution when filing a report against someone so powerful, and now a social media pile-on, and a trauma that they will have to work on their whole life to overcome. It’s literally not comparable. Fuck people who cannot understand this kinda basic concept.

I’m tired, i’m just fucking tired of it all. I just can wish power to those who have suffered and continue to suffer. May they be believed, may they receive justice, and in the process, if all of this fakeass, meaningless glitz and glamour burns down to the ground to never ever rise again, so fucking be it.

#tt answers

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janiedean · 3 years

Note

Hope this is okay to ask but I was wondering what your thoughts are on the way Tyrion is treated by some of the fandom, especially Cersei stans? I feel he is held to a different standard to other male characters and as someone with an invisible disibility irl it makes me a bit uncomfortable. I’ve seen many “Lannister stans” who either hate him or want to ignore he exists.

sure it’s okay to ask don’t worry ;)

that said: when it comes to tyrion’s fandom treatment especially on tumblr there’s like a whole bunch of like... WE’RE ABLEIST BUT MASKING IT BEHIND FAKE WOKE ARGUMENTS crap going on because not counting the fact that show!tyrion has been what he was since S5 bc dnd can’t obviously write him and stopped giving peter decent material after then and it shows, but like... show!tyrion being nowhere near as complex as the book version is a problem that 99% of the show characters had so I don’t think it’s like a valid argument:

the premise is that tyrion is outside like TUMBLR and the likes circles a clear fan favorite when it comes to the general audience if not the fan favorite - like there’s more tyrion merch than idk jon snow merch and maybe maybe he was 50/50 with dany but like... I think that if we did a general poll tyrion would come out as the most liked character, which... I mean fair tyrion is an a+ character and he’s extremely relatable on a whole shitload of levels and let me tell you if a disabled character is for once the main fan favorite I won’t complain:

problem is beyond the fact that he’s disabled he’s... about everything tumblr hates in the sense that a) man, b) (presumably) straight man who has a lot of sex to deal with his issues, c) his issues are not exactly pleasant to deal with, d) not Standard Attractive, e) basically his one trump card is outsmarting people so it’s really easy to attach the whole AH MANIPULATING SCHEMING ASSHOLE argument to him, f) an abuse victim from at least his father and cersei but we all know men can’t be abused on this website *rolleyes* plus he hates the shit out of cers/ei which like.. is apparently the cardinal sin and the key to being labeled a misogynist always, which automatically means that when it comes to tumblr asoiaf fandom nine times on ten people will ignore the fact that his disability is a reason people discriminate him and that the treatment he received because of it gave him TRAUMA and start going like AH BUT HE’S A MAN AH BUT HE’S RICH which... doesn’t mean he can’t be traumatized even if he has male and money privilege;

for what it’s worth anyway bc as stated okay being a lannister did mean that he had a better upbringing/situation economically than a commoner with dwarfism but that doesn’t make his abuse any less damaging, but people on here just... don’t seem to get it;

but yeah like the point is that male chars on tumblr are already held at different standards than female ones (again theon gets more shit than cersei ever had for doing a lot less horrid stuff) but tyrion as... the mega fan favorite especially in within the male fanbase (reddit/w-org and the likes) is held to an extra standard in the sense that if the dudebro faction likes him then he’s BAD NEWS, which means that the fact that he’s disabled and that it affects his life is thoroughly ignored because they have to cry about how he has male privilege over c. and so she can’t abuse him (which... lmao the day I read that shit in S2 I was so out, but whatever);

anyway thing is: ‘lannister stans’ in my experience is a thing that like... is weird in this fandom because actually I never met a supposed lannister stan who likes all of them or who doesn’t ignore some exist, like.. usually most lannister stans who pretend tyrion doesn’t exist are either c. stans or tywin stans or both and don’t get me started on how this fandom has a weirdass tywin worship thing going on for which they think tyrion killing him is an unforgivable crime when it was basically what that asshole deserved and the narrative is having tyrion go in the downward spiral for shae not for tywin. c. stans usually say they also stan jaime but like... they stan whichever version of jaime they think exist that is compatible for a book ending that has the murder suicide thing happening that doesn’t exist in the books and they ignore tyrion exists same as their fave, but then again here we fall back in the pit where everything c. specifically does is seen as either fight against the patriarchy or feminist rebellion or trauma justification on account of c. being a woman and if a man does it it’s horrid or if she does it to a man then it doesn’t matter, so like... it’s a lost cause;

anyway like if someone say they’re a lannister stan and ignore tyrion when whether they like it or not tyrion is the only lannister in the main five povs (which i’d like to remind everyone are jon dany tyrion arya and bran regardless of whoever is everyone’s fave) and the one that has most narrative weight then like... just say you like c. or tywin and go;

tldr: while I think that the show did tyrion a lot of dirt in order to make him more... idk cleaned up when the book character is good as it is, tumblr fandom is swimming deep in ableism and denying that men can be abused and affected by that when it comes to tyrion’s treatment, never mind in the neverending absolutely shallow argument that’s everywhere in asoiaf fandom which is that no one outside specific group of people has understood that one of the key messages of these books is ‘how you look outside doesn’t mean shit about your personality and people who aren’t standard attractive are people with needs and personality who also deserve love and have a lot to give and will meet someone who’ll give it to them’, because the race is basically shipping beautiful ppl together even if it makes sense and negating at all turns that brienne/arya/tyrion/sandor/anyone else who’s not standard attractive are like... viable romantic partners on an even level with whoever so there’s that too, but like I think that on tumblr it shows that ppl are extremely hypocritical when it comes to tyrion and that it shows that their wokeness stops at the surface bc if you read those books and miss The Fucking Point when it comes to tyrion’s disability... text comprehension where have you gone ;)

also when it comes from c. stans** I just sigh and roll my eyes but then again c. stans generally think c. is the only person in these books with justified issues and trauma reaction and downplay not only how she abuses others but also the effects on the ppl she abuses whether they’re men or women so like... they don’t even admit how she is with jaime do we think they’d admit it for tyrion? doubt that.

**before everyone else jumps on me: with c. stans I mean the vocal side of c. standom where almost everyone is like that and from whom I never saw once an acknowledgment that she actually did abuse him (or anyone kllkjkgdj), not whichever c. stan around who likes her because she’s terrible/recognizes that she’s bad etc, I mean no ill will, if you didn’t feel called out reading it it wasn’t about you, peace and love.

#ch: tyrion lannister #anti-cersei #anti-cersei lannister #abuse cw #ableism cw #janie writes meta #i guess #meh anon meh #Anonymous #ask post

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jonny-byerss · 4 years

Text

Why Jancy Is Endgame

So, recently, I’ve seen quite a bit of Jancy hate which I literally don’t understand, because how can you look at Jancy and think “Wow, I hate them”...like, it genuinely baffles me that people don’t ship Jancy, like how? They have SO MUCH CHEMISTRY it’s unreal. In all three seasons, it’s evident that there’s something more between them than just “monster hunting partners”. So, recently, I have been asking multiple people including my irl friends why they think Jancy is endgame and this is what I’ve come up with.

1.) The Duffers Aren’t Dumb

Even though quite a bit of people are disappointed with the way they’ve taken their writing, you have to admit one thing: they aren’t dumb. They’ve been setting Jancy up to be canon since S1, and fans have been rooting for them to get together since S1. It’s not until Steve’s turn-around that people started hating on Jancy.

Jancy is definitely more popular than Stancy for sure. To a majority of fans, even if Jancy isn’t their favorite Stranger Things ship, they still at least ship it. And, with the exception of hardcore Steve stans, most people who like Steve as a character admit that Jonathan and Nancy fit better together than Steve and Nancy ever did. We know the Duffers like to give in to what a majority of fans want, and Jancy seems to be what a majority of fans want.

There’s 3 core ships that the Duffers have been building up since S1. Those are Jopper, Jancy, and Mileven. It’s obvious in S1 that these ships are going to become canon eventually, and they’re also the three core ships of the show that people love. They also tend to focus on these three relationships quite a bit in their writing, with the majority of major relationship moments being with these three ships, especially Mileven. It’s obvious they want us to root for these ships.

The main point I’m trying to make is the Duffers have been setting Jancy up to be canon since S1. They have shown us many moments in all three seasons that show us just how much chemistry Jancy has. From the bed scene in S1, to the hallway scene in S2, they’re obviously trying to show us that Jancy is meant to get together.

Not only that, but Jancy was ACTUALLY supposed to be canon in S1. I don’t know how many people know this, but Steve was supposed to die in S1, and Jancy was supposed to get together. The writers liked Joe Keery so they decided they needed to find a way to keep him on the show. It’s clear to me that the writers themselves are rooting for Jancy, which means that they want us to root for Jancy too.

I’m not here to say how the Duffers should write the next seasons, and I myself don’t know what happens in the future seasons, but I do see the clues that the Duffers have given us since S1 and I also believe that the Duffers know what they’re doing. They know what the majority of fans want and it’s clear to me that they want us to root for Jancy, so obviously they’re gonna keep them together.

2.) THAT Ending Scene In S3

A lot of people that say “Jancy has no chemistry” clearly have not seen their last scene in S3. To me, that scene is a promise. A promise to each other and to us that Jancy is in it for each other.

In this scene, you can see that they are so painfully in love. They don’t want to leave each other. You can tell it breaks both of their hearts that they have to separate for a bit.

I could do a whole analysis of this scene, and I just might do that later, but to me, what they’re saying to each other is “We’ve been through so much together, why can’t we go through a little more?”

Sure, long-distance would be harder in the 80s, but I do believe that their love is strong enough to last. They clearly both love each other very much. And there’s always phone calls and letters and visiting each other on breaks.

When thinking of the LDRs that the Byers move caused, lots of people think of Mileven, but Jancy is actually way more likely to be endgame than Mileven at this point. We don’t know what happens in future seasons or if the Byers eventually move back, but we do know that Jonathan and Nancy are seniors in high school and almost 18. Mike and Eleven are barely starting high school and have more time to be apart than Jancy does. Once Jancy graduates, they can do whatever they want. Sure, one could say that Jonathan might feel an obligation to stay with his family, but we also know that he has an ambition for NYU. We have no idea what Nancy wants. I can honestly see her go to college for journalism or something similar. What’s to stop her from going to NYU or somewhere in NY with Jonathan?

We don’t know what the Duffers have in store for Jancy’s future, but I trust that they can give Jancy the perfect ending they deserve. That scene in S3 has so much underlying meaning to it, like the fact that the song that play in the background during it is called “You’re a Fighter”. I have a whole different thing planned on analyzing that scene, and I’ll post that later, but basically, with that scene, to me, the Duffers are trying to say “They’re in this for each other. They’re so in love that they’re going to make it work”

3) They are the most mature relationship on the show

I’ve seen quite a few people say that the argument they had in S3 is “proof they are incompatible” but that is simply not true. In fact, if anything, it shows how they are exactly the opposite. Here’s why.

So, every couple fights. It’s the ability to work through a fight and come out stronger and more understanding that shows just how committed a couple is to each other. Jonathan and Nancy are a prime example of this.

Jonathan and Nancy come from different backgrounds. This argument of “I’m poor” and “People are being sexist towards me” is a very adult argument. I mean, most teenage couples you see have fights about jealousy-type crap. Jancy’s fight is a fight that adults would have. That’s why I believe they are a very mature couple.

Not only that, but the key thing to remember is that they both admitted that they felt bad for what they said and apologized, reaffirming their commitment to each other. This is a fight that they can grow from as a result. Because they apologized and acknowledged their wrong-doings, they have a better foundation for understanding each other in the future and they can grow as a couple. This can also give them a perspective on life that maybe they didn’t think about before.

Honestly, Jancy has been through a lot crap together so they kind of have to be mature. Plus, Jonathan himself had to grow up faster than most children, which gives him a perspective on life that he most likely passed on to Nancy.

This is why I believe Jancy is the most mature couple. Instead of letting their fight get the best of them, they acknowledged their wrong-doings and became more understanding of each other as a result. It takes real maturity to do something like that.

The reason I compare them to the other couples is because, look at Mileven’s fight in S3. It seems sort of childish compared to Jancy’s. And Lumax has broken up 5 times apparently. And Jopper, gosh, they have a lot of issues to work out. Jancy seems to have effectively worked out their differences and become stronger as a result.

Charlie Heaton (Jonathan) himself said that when he first read the S3 script, he thought that Jancy seemed like a married couple, which I think says a lot about their relationship. They are so mature and comfortable with each other like that. He also said this, which basically sums up what I said, here:

4) They are more than just “shared trauma”

I’ve seen a lot of people criticize Jancy by saying stuff like “Shared trauma isn’t a good foundation for a relationship”, but I’m about to prove why that’s bullcrap, because Jancy is more than their shared trauma.

So, shared trauma seems to be what the writers like to point out about their relationship. In the ending scene in S3, Jonathan tells Nancy “We’ve got shared trauma”. He is referring to what Murray said to them in S2 when he was telling them why they should get together. Just because “shared trauma” is what Murray emphasized, doesn’t mean it’s their only foundation.

I’d quickly like to point out though, that shared trauma is actually a real life relationship trope and there are real-life couples founded on this. But, I’d also like to point out that Jancy’s trauma isn’t just any trauma. They didn’t just fight in Vietnam together or something, like it’s not every day your loved one gets kidnapped by an otherworldly demon.

I think the main emphasis that the show is focusing on when they say “shared trauma” is the scars. I mean, when Jonathan said that line in S3, he was touching Nancy’s scar that he shares with her. They are the only two people with those matching scars. Those scars are something that unites them and reminds them of the past they share.

Their “trauma” isn’t just how they met either. I mean, they obviously knew each other before the events of S1. Their brothers are best friends. I’m not saying they were friends or anything, but they were definitely acquaintances.

Their trauma is how they grew closer. I mean, before their first traumatic experience, they seemed to be getting on each other’s nerves a bit. It’s not until Nancy almost became Demogorgon lunch that they started realizing they could trust each other. After that, they realized they worked well together and they may or may not have fallen in love.

Also, let’s not forget all the flirting they did before their traumatic experience. The darkroom, even the target practice scene.

I think the key thing to remember with their trauma though is that, because they both went through similar experiences, they understand each other in that way. I mean, part of Stancy breaking up was because Steve didn’t realize the trauma she was going through and didn’t understand fully how to help her. Jonathan understood in a way what she was feeling because he went through something similar.

And yeah, shared trauma might not be a good foundation, because obviously there’s other things to consider in a relationship, but if there’s anything S3 showed us it’s that Jancy knows how to communicate and work through their problems, so clearly that’s not an issue for them.

5) The love triangle is done

I’ve seen some online articles that say things like “Now that Jonathan is gone, Nancy will go back with Steve”. I’ve even heard people say “Nancy will go with Robin”. Both of those are bullcrap.

First of all, Stancy’s arc is finished. S2 showed us how incompatible they were by showing how Steve hasn’t been a good support system for Nancy and showing that Nancy no longer loved Steve. Nancy obviously felt something more for Jonathan, who could support her in a better way than Steve could, because Jonathan had similar experiences. After they broke up, they were done. And when Jonathan and Nancy kissed the love triangle was over. It was solved.

I think most of the fans can agree that they are glad the love triangle was solved, that way Nancy’s story can be about more than just boys. It would be stupid for the Duffers to bring it back and it would ruin every ounce of character development that Steve and Nancy have gone through. And I am confident that the Duffers aren’t stupid.

Part of Steve’s S2 arc is getting over Nancy and accepting that she no longer loves him and even finding a friend in Dustin. Part of Nancy’s arc in S2 was realizing she should embrace that girl she was for a week in November 1983. She gets justice for Barb and even embraces her feelings for the school outcast. Nancy and Steve can still be friends, and even Jonathan and Steve, but that’s it. Nothing more. It’s been decided that Nancy doesn’t love Steve, she loves Jonathan. Even if Jonathan is far away, it’s possible to love him from a distance.

And about Robin and Nancy, it’s also highly unlikely. Again, I think most fans are tired of Nancy’s love life and love triangle and are glad it’s over. Adding Robin to the mix would make it even more complicated.

First of all, it’s not canon that Nancy is bisexual. The only canon LGBT character is Robin. It is implied that Will may be as well, but nothing has been confirmed.

I can see Robin and Nancy being good friends, but Robin did call her a priss in S3 and also, it’s like an unspoken rule in best-friendship that you don’t date their exes. Robin and Steve are best friends. This would break that rule.

I do know, based on leaked photos, Nancy and Robin most likely work together (maybe even with Steve) in S4. I believe, however, that the relationship is fully platonic. It would be nice for Nancy to have a friend that’s a girl after her loss of Barb, and Robin is a good person and would be a great friend for Nancy. I also believe, however, that Nancy is 100% dedicated to Jonathan (based on the last scene in S3) and will only be working with Robin (and maybe Steve) because they know something that would be useful.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is: Nancy’s love life arc has ended. It’s been decided that Nancy doesn’t love Steve and he can’t give her what she wants. And I think most Ronance shippers are just trolls, tbh. No one seems really serious about any Nancy and Robin relationship that’s anything more than platonic.

———————

And I think that about sums up why I believe Jancy is endgame. Jonathan and Nancy clearly love and care for each other very much as shown in all three seasons. Plus, there’s the fact that THEIR ACTORS ARE LITERALLY DATING IN REAL LIFE! (Seriously both Jancy and Natarlie are relationship goals).

I am extremely confident that even if Jancy does break up at some point, it won’t be for long and they’ll somehow find their way back to each other because they are soulmates. That is a guarantee. I have full confidence that the Duffers can give their relationship the perfect ending they deserve. I’d like to hear your guys’ feedback (please try to keep negativity away). Do you believe Jancy is endgame?

And here’s proof that Jancy loves each other:

#jancy #stranger things #jonathan byers #nancy wheeler #let me know what you think #but i firmly believe that they will be endgame #nothing will convince me otherwise

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breakingsomething · 4 years

Text

october tenth - part four (end)

basic summary: while jack bonds with chase and someone new, anti tries to fight back his ever growing pain by making many, many bad decisions. tagging @beebmo for inspiring this idea!

trigger warnings: blood, murder mention, self harm, suicidal ideation, knives

aiden finally came home five days after their fight.

jack had just been making coffee, wearing only his flamingo shorts and a pair of mismatched socks. no one was here anyway, and he had a few videos prerecorded, so he didn't really have to do much of anything. might as well just do whatever. he let his head hit the kitchen sideboard, half falling asleep standing up as he waited for the coffee maker to finish.

when he sat up, aiden was standing next to the door.

"bloody mother of mary, aiden!" jack cried, jumping and accidentally slamming his elbow into the table. then he took a closer look at him. aiden looked… so tired. big bags under his eyes, curly hair greasy and skin pale. he was wearing an oversized purple hoodie that jack didn't recognize, and he was staring at the ground in front of him, not daring to look up.

"oh, shit, aiden," jack murmured, much softer. he wasn't sure what to do, nervously cracking his knuckles and rubbing the back of his neck. "i'm - i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. i shouldn't have hidden it from you, i shouldn't have tried to hide it, i should have -"

aiden cut him off. "save it," he mumbled, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. "it's cool. i don't wanna talk about it anymore."

jack nodded, his eyes suddenly burning. the coffee maker pinged, and he turned and busied himself with that, afraid that if he kept looking at aiden he'd start crying again. he'd been doing enough of that lately.

aiden was suddenly standing beside him. "i'd hug you," he joked. "but you're not wearing a shirt and it might be a bit weird."

jack cracked a small grin, and aiden just stared into the sink, neither one looking at the other. everything felt very odd between them for some reason. like in the few days they'd been apart, the distance between them had stretched for another thousand miles.

"so you're… aiden, you're gonna stay here, right?" jack asked tentatively, not wanting to set him off again. aiden's expression soured, his eyebrows narrowing, and his fingers dug into his sleeve.

"don't call me that." he almost spat, and jack set down his mug to properly look at him.

"call you… aid, that's your name. what else -"

"anti," he said, not glancing up from the sink. "call me anti."

they were silent for a moment. and for that moment, jack saw something in his friend that made his heart feel so much heavier than he could have imagined. something that he couldn't have explained if he tried. it was like the pain of losing something important to you. the pain of looking at something you love and knowing it's not going to be around much longer. and just the thought of that made jack's eyes well up with tears, and he turned away before he pulled his friend into a hug and never let go.

"ok," he said quietly. "ok."

nothing was the same.

despite staying in the same house as him, aiden was definitely avoiding jack. he barely saw him, and when he did, they almost never spoke. and when they did… jack couldn't bring himself to call his friend "anti." the name felt so… harsh. so painful. like aiden had just rejected everything that jack had ever made him, given him, those almost four years of friendship. was jack really that much of a terrible friend that aiden would just throw everything away?

apparently so. but soon, jack found something else to distract himself with - an unnamed number he recognized calling him up one morning while he was washing dishes. he'd raced into the living room to answer it upon hearing the default ringtone, but aiden was already there, holding it out to him without looking.

"it's the hat wearing one," he said nonchalantly, staring down at his laptop screen. jack bit his lip and took the phone, wondering if aiden was hoping he wouldn't answer, if he was supposed to put the phone down and tell aiden he was the only one who mattered. but his friend's expression gave nothing away, and jack uncertainly left the room and stood outside the door, answering the call.

"...chase?" he faltered. "that you?"

he heard a breath on the other end of the line. jack leaned against the wall, hitting his head again it gently.

"is this a butt dial call?" he tried to lighten the tension. "or one of the kids? hello, connor, louise, is that you?"

another second of silence. jack hesitated.

"if… if this is one of the kids…" he started. "can you tell your father i'm sorry i freaked him out, and i'm sorry i didn't tell him the whole truth straight away when i should have? i only made things worse for all of us, and i was stupid. will you tell him that? please?"

there was a small chuckle. "hey. it's just me," chase murmured. "just me. sorry to disappoint."

jack snorted, a smile appearing on his lips. "aw man, get off the line. put connor on the phone." relief filled him when chase laughed, a full, real laugh. then he sighed, biting his lip. "listen, chase… i -"

"can we talk irl?" chase interrupted. "i, uh, don't have a lot to do today and… i wanna get out the house anyway."

jack nodded, feeling dumb when he remembered chase couldn't see him. "yeah, sure, absolutely," he said, running a hand through his hair. ugh, he could feel how greasy it was. he had been wearing a hat for videos because he'd been too lazy to wash it. "let me take a shower first. then we can… costa?"

he heard chase exhale. "yeah, yeah. costa sounds good right now."

once he'd hung up, jack had to go through the living room to get to his own room. aiden barely looked up at him as he passed through, pausing hesitantly by the stairs. "aid - anti?" he questioned. "are you alright?"

aiden grunted, not taking his eyes off his laptop. jack waited for a second before speaking again. "i'm going out with chase." at this, aiden blinked, his expression changing for only a split second before he got it under control again. he didn't reply for a moment.

"good for you," he mumbled, and pulled his computer closer to him so it covered his face. jack sighed before going up the stairs to get ready.

once he'd showered and gotten changed, he took a moment to just look at himself in the mirror. he looked exhausted. he'd barely been sleeping lately, opting to cover the bags under his eyes in makeup so no fans would be concerned for him. his hair was getting too long, swooping almost in front of his eyes. he would have to get that cut soon. his lips were chapped and slightly bloody from how often he bit them, and his skin was blotchy from how much he'd been crying. he looked exhausted. he looked pathetic.

he tried again with aiden on the way out. "hey, man. i'm… you're gonna be ok here?"

aiden finally looked up at that, unamused. "yes, jack. i will be fine on my own." he monotoned, and jack winced. "go do your thing with jinx hat. i'll be perfectly fine, thanks for the concern."

jack swallowed and left without another word.

chase was waiting for him in costa, biting his knuckles and staring out the window. jack nearly lost all courage and turned round, but really… he had nothing left to lose at this point. besides, chase had seen him through the glass and had visibly brightened, sitting up and waving. despite himself, jack smiled as he went inside.

"hey," he said as he sat down across from him. chase looked tired too, but he managed a smile. "how have, uh… how've you been holding up?"

chase shrugged, spreading his hands out. "'bout as well as i can be," he said casually, spinning his phone round the table on its pop socket. "everything's been a bit… hectic, recently. i don't know. what about you?"

jack mimicked chase's shrug. "same for me, i guess." he hesitated. "look, i'm sorry about… the subway thing. that was a lot, and i'm sorry."

chase gave a shuddering breath. "oh, yeah, that was definitely a lot." he glanced up, tilting his head back slightly on his chair. "but i'm totally over it." he laughed. "actually, no, i'm very much not. i don't know why i said that."

jack nodded. "do you want me to try and explain?"

"oh, please do."

they got up and ordered (a green tea with a white chocolate and raspberry muffin for chase, a flat white coffee and chocolate chip cookie for jack), and talked quietly as they did so. well, this time jack mostly talked, chase listening. by the time they'd sat back down with their stuff, jack had pretty much filled him in on everything.

"holy crap," chase murmured. "that's… a lot. once again."

"are you alright?" jack asked. "i get that i, like, just blew your entire existence. if that makes any sense."

"give me a couple minutes to come to terms with this," chase said, sipping his drink. they were silent, both lost in their own heads.

"this is a prank," chase eventually concluded, turning to look jack right in the eyes. "right? where are the cameras or whatever, is this some kind of prank show that you're a part of?" he laughed without humor. "very funny, you really got me."

"chase, i swear -" jack started, but chase cut him off.

"i looked up that youtube channel you told me about," he said. "jacksepticeye? looked it up. it doesn't exist. shit's not real. god, you could have at least tried."

jack blinked in shock. "but it - it does!" he spluttered. he fumbled in his pocket for his phone. "here, i'll show -"

"i'm not a complete goddamn moron, jack," chase muttered, but then jack pulled up his channel which was, thankfully, still there, and chase's eyes widened.

"but i - i looked it up last night on my computer - there was nothing!" he stammered. he slumped back in his seat. "i swear, there was - i'm not lying!"

jack shifted in his seat, suddenly restless. "i don't know. i don't know, ok? maybe you spelled it wrong." and before chase could protest further, jack changed the subject. "anyway, fuck. i don't wanna think about all the technical improbabilities of this fucking world. i don't even know what i am to be able to create people."

chase fanned his face with his hands, breathing heavily. "fuck!" he said, a bit too loudly. "fuck, man." he suddenly stilled. "so does your friend hate me? aiden?"

jack paused before nodding slowly. "uh, at the moment, yes. but… maybe if you got to know each other, that could change?" he winced. "i don't know. that sounds dumb. but… what do you think?"

chase unwrapped his muffin, also nodding. "i mean, yeah. i'd be down. if you're certain he wouldn't kill me."

jack laughed, relaxing slightly. "he wouldn't kill you, man. he's just… he's a bit aggressive sometimes. he's got some antisocial tendencies. and he's, uh, a bit… doesn't like new people."

"yeah, i definitely got that," chase said, and they both laughed.

a few days passed by. chase and jack kept in touch, meeting up a few times to walk around town and talk. aiden continued to avoid talking to jack. and with the end of september came a burst of extreme cold so bad that school was briefly cancelled and everyone was to stay inside as much as possible.

"it's never this cold, even in england," jack joked to aiden, who was sitting at the kitchen table on his phone. he didn't even acknowledge jack had spoken.

suddenly, he'd had enough. "are you ever going to talk to me again?" he demanded. aiden made a face, and jack felt anger and hurt rising up in his chest. "please, aiden, anti, whatever, can you just -"

"hard to want to talk to you when you won't even respect my choice to change my name," aiden interrupted, and jack deflated. he blinked away the tears that rose up in his eyes.

"anti," he said finally. anti looked up, something in his eyes that jack didn't recognize. "anti. i'm sorry i've been such a douche. ok? i'm - what else do you want, man?"

anti didn't say anything. then he craned his neck to look at the ceiling, leaning back in his chair. "dunno," he mumbled. "to go back in time, i guess."

that wasn't something jack could do. he chewed the inside of his mouth and stayed quiet.

anti stared at the flats, biting his lip with frustration.

they'd fucking spelled the place. anywhere he tried to get in just shocked him, so badly he couldn't seem to push through. had it been the cat who'd done it, or something other powerful magician that the two of them knew? it didn't matter. he couldn't fucking get in.

he cursed red and the cat under his breath. they were smart, he could see that. and powerful. far too powerful. it might even end up that they could be a match for anti.

whatever. they couldn't stay in there forever. he'd get them one day. one day. and then they'd fucking pay.

chase called him that night in tears.

"chase - chase, calm, i can't understand what you're saying," jack said, pacing the kitchen with his phone to his ear. anti, on the couch in the other room, snorted loudly.

"she's k-kicking me out," chase sobbed, voice slightly slurred. jack could hear car horns in the background. "she says 'm a bad example for th'kids, says she's afraid i'll - i'll hurt -" he cried out, the connection fuzzing for a moment. "i wouldn't hurt them, jack!"

"hey, hey, i know you wouldn't," jack consoled, trying to stay calm. "chase, where are you?"

there was a rush of noise on the other end and then the call went dead.

"f- oh, for fuck's sake!" jack despaired. he went round the corner to the living room, looking in at anti. "dude, can you help me?"

anti yawned dramatically, stretching his arms above his head. "with what?" he asked slowly, knowing exactly what jack was going to ask.

"chase is - his wife kicked him out, apparently, he sounded drunk and upset, i need you to help me find him. you can track cell phone signals, right?" jack blurted. anti sighed, rolling his eyes.

"hmm, some days i can. other days i just… can't, you know?" anti said with a small smirk. jack balled his fists up and resisted the urge to scream.

"anti, for fuck's sake, i am not kidding around tonight," jack spat, practically shaking with silent rage. "can you help me or should i go out looking for him myself?"

anti blinked at jack's anger. he evidently hadn't been expecting jack to be so upset. "ok, yeah, i can track signals," he mumbled. he got to his feet, swaying slightly on the spot. "i'll - fuck, i guess i'll help if you want."

"thank you, anti," jack said softly. anti just made a noise and grabbed his jacket, going towards the door.

anti traced the signal all right, but the time they got to where it had been, chase was long gone. anti tried to find the signal again to locate where chase's phone was now, but in such a big city with so many people, everything got muddled up into one. they searched for hours, to no avail, and went home defeated.

"can't believe i wasted my evening on that fucker," anti announced as they walked back in. "fucking waste of time, waste of a good -"

"thanks anyway," jack interrupted before anti could go on a spiel. "you, uh, didn't have to help me, but thank you for doing that. even if we - yeah."

anti softened for just a moment, brown eyes warming, before glancing away from jack and stiffening again. "whatever," he mumbled, and said nothing more.

chase called him the next afternoon. "jack!" he said, sounding a lot more chipper than jack had expected him to. "jack, my friend, i have something awesome to tell you!"

jack furrowed his brow. "didn't your - man, are you ok? where were you last night?"

he could almost hear chase grinning. "stayed with my new friend henrik!" he said. "and i think you'll definitely want to meet him!"

jack yawned, rubbing the space between his eyes. "mmhmm, yeah. chase, do you have any idea how long me and anti spent searching for you last night?"

chase paused. "oh, shit. man, i'm - i'm sorry. i got… extremely drunk." he gave an embarrassed laugh. "really sorry. i meant to call again."

"yeah, it's cool," jack said, shaking his head. "i'm sorry about your wife, man, it's a shitty situation. why do you want me to meet your friend?"

"oh, you definitely will," chase said, and jack could hear someone shout something in the background. "i'm fucking hungover as all hell, dude, and i feel like absolute shit in every sense, but i think we should meet up. uh, maybe tomorrow, cause i think i might throw up sometime very soon. can we do that? i need something to take my mind off of, well, everything."

jack heard a crash from the other room, and anti cursing loudly. "uh, yeah, if you wanna. where?"

"i'm - i'm pretty broke, not gonna lie. henrik's pretty well off at the moment, but we decided to go cheap. you ok with mcdonalds?"

jack peeked into the living room. anti had dropped his glass of water, and it had smashed on the floor. he was on his hands and knees, attempting to pick up the pieces. "yeah, sounds cool. i gotta go, k?"

"yep!" chase said cheerfully. "see you at maybe twelve or so tomorrow?"

jack made a noise of affirmation and hung up, rushing into the living room. "anti, you ok?"

he didn't say anything, just continued trying to pick up the glass with his hands. jack sighed. "man, don't do that, you're gonna hurt yourself."

"don't give a shit," anti mumbled. he gave a small gasp and dropped a piece, grabbing at his wrist.

"aid - fuck's sake, get back." jack pushed anti's hands away and scooped up the glass with a dustpan. "how did you drop the glass, did you trip or something?"

anti made several odd noises. "hands are just really shaky lately," he said quietly, and when jack turned to look at him, there was blood slowly dripping down his arm.

"shit," jack groaned. he took the glass and dumped it in a bag before putting it in the outside bin. "i'll help -"

"i'm ok," anti insisted. he stood up, shaking out his hands. "i can deal with it myself."

"anti, wait," jack protested, and in a moment of desperation, grabbed anti's arm as he tried to bolt away to his room. anti gasped in pain and shoved jack off him, pushing him into the wall.

"fuck off, jay!" anti said angrily. he held his arm close to him - the arm he hadn't hurt with the glass, jack noticed. "seriously, mind your own!"

"anti, are you hurt?" jack frowned. anti stepped back onto the stairs, shaking.

"yeah, i just cut my bloody hand with a piece of fucking glass. you were right there." anti spat. "now i'm gonna go up to my room, if you don't mind."

jack couldn't even protest as anti glitched out of sight. somewhere above him, a door slammed.

oh, but it hurt.

not the cut on his hand. that was barely a scratch. but his body. oh, his body fucking burned. every inch of his body was constantly wracked with pain, like permanent pins and needles throughout his entire being. anti had never hurt like this all at once before.

and it was constant. constant. for nearly three weeks now, he had been like this; barely able to move half the time, his head throbbing and feeling like a thick soup. some days he physically could not move, no matter how much he tried. he wouldn't even be able to speak or cry out for jack, not that he would have even if he could. he became static at random times, his phone and laptop short circuited, he was constantly sick and depressed and so, so angry.

and he'd tried everything to fix it, everything. he'd drank a shitton of alcohol one night, resulting in a seizure that lasted almost a full minute. he'd went out running, thinking maybe the exercise would help, but that had somehow made it worse. he'd even tried causing himself voluntary pain, like that would help the rest of the pain dull, but it did nothing. everything hurt. everything hurt.

he was dying. that was the idea that had planted itself in his brain, and he couldn't shake it out. he was dying and it would only be a matter of time before he couldn't physically form at all, left just a glitching husk of nothingness, and then gone entirely. no one would notice but jack. no one would even notice but jack.

and maybe… his mind drifted to rhudy. rhudy who was so nice to him. rhudy who didn't lie to him or abandon him. anti almost wanted to go see him.

anti was going to die and it was jack's fault.

he's trying to kill you, was the delusion that he had convinced himself was truth. jack wanted him dead so he could spend all his time with chase, so that he could find the doctor and the hero and the magician, the ones who weren't broken and fucked up like anti was. he wanted anti gone. he wanted anti dead.

anti hugged himself and tried not to shake or throw up. he felt so fucking replused with himself, with everything.

he wanted to go see rhudy. he wanted to, but he didn't want jack asking questions, he didn't want to talk to jack at all. feeling sick, he sat up on his bed and let out a shuddering sigh. he wanted to go see rhudy.

maybe he didn't have to tell jack, he suddenly thought. it wasn't like he'd care anyway. as soon as that thought entered his mind, he stood right up, his head rushing from the movement. anti stumbled over to the window, yanking it open despite how his bandaged arms screamed in pain, and swung his legs over the windowsill. he was on the second floor, and it was maybe five meters or so to the ground - not enough to kill him. he pushed off the sill and glitched before hitting the grass, landing safely with a soft thump. for a second he doubled over, nearly screaming from the sudden pain, then straightened and began to jog unsteadily in the direction of the high street.

it was starting to get dark as he reached the store. he could see rhudy standing out the front, smoking a cigarette and scrolling through his phone. even from here, anti could see he had google open and was searching up "ikeas near me." he almost laughed as he walked over, swaying on his feet as his legs burned.

rhudy looked up as he got closer, a grin breaking across his face. "hey, anti, what are you doing here this time of day?" he asked warmly. then his smile faded as he saw the state anti was in. "hey man, you ok?"

anti didn't say a word. he just threw his arms around rhudy's neck, holding on tightly as his legs gave out beneath him.

"anti!" rhudy exclaimed. he helped anti walk over to the shop door, unlocking it with a key from his pocket. "shit, man, what's up?"

anti groaned, clinging to rhudy's shoulder. "you own this store?" he mumbled.

"uh, yeah, i do," he said, pushing the door open and flicking on the lights. "i might have forgot to mention. you're hurting, aren't you? i can't - usually i can figure out reasons, but not now, for some reason."

he helped anti sit down in a chair at the side of the room near a stack of vinyls. anti didn't usually spend a lot of time in the main section of the store, so while rhudy rushed to the back to get him some water, he took a minute to properly look around. the store looked a lot smaller in the busy hours when there were tons of people, but he could now see how big it actually was. everything was in rows and stacks, signs detailing what sections each thing was in hanging from the ceiling. the walls were a light green and windows stretched all the way round them, letting in the soft evening lights and showing off the streets outside. it made anti feel very exposed, and he curled in on himself, hugging his shoulders.

"here," rhudy said, handing him a plastic bottle and sitting down next to him. anti smile gratefully and took several gulps, his hands still trembling so badly he spilled some water down his front.

"are you ok, man?" rhudy asked quietly. "you're shaking, what happened?"

"nothing," anti murmured, attempting to screw the cap back on the bottle. after a moment of watching him struggle, rhudy took it and did it himself, letting out a small laugh as anti's face turned red and he mumbled a thanks under his breath.

"are you sure it was nothing?" rhudy said. he turned his head to look at anti properly, his brown eyes looking more orange in this lighting. "you can tell me if something's wrong, you know."

anti made a small noise. "can we play some music, or - or something?" he asked, staring down at his bouncing legs. his mind was racing, he needed some kind of fucking distraction.

rhudy nodded, jumping to his feet. "what do you want on? any preferences?" he stopped and made fingers guns at the air, hair falling in his face. "wait, don't tell me. you like…" he suddenly giggled. "you like queen?"

despite it all, a grin spread across anti's face. "wow, you can tell just by looking at me?" he joked, and rhudy laughed as he crossed the room, popping out a vinyl of queen's a night at the opera and holding it up for anti to see before putting it in its player. anti smiled even wider, a pang of something hurting in his chest.

the first few notes of bohemian rhapsody began to play, and rhudy danced round back to anti, clicking his fingers and spinning in circles.

"is this the real life?" he sang dramatically, and anti couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous he looked and sounded. "or is this just fantasy? caught in a landslide, no escape from reality…"

he grabbed anti's hand and pulled him to his feet, twirling him round despite his noises of protest. "i'm just a poor boy, i need no sympathy!" he cried, and anti giggled.

"you're a dumbass!" he grinned, and rhudy raised an eyebrow.

"sing with me then, asshole. you can definitely sing." he challenged.

"is that the clairvoyance talking?" anti asked.

rhudy raised his chin. "let's find out!"

he grabbed anti's hand and pulled him close to his chest. "any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me…"

anti joined in at the next part. "...to me!"

the two of them swayed on the spot, giggling like idiots as they tried to sing. and for some reason, anti suddenly didn't care if anyone looked through the window and saw them. he couldn't even feel the pain anymore. all that mattered was this. not jack, not chase. just this. this man, this song, this fucking moment.

he was sure they both looked ridiculous. rhudy was not the greatest singer, and really, neither was anti, but they both knew all the words and that was what mattered. "too late, my time has come," they sang in unison. "sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time…"

anti paused to take a drink, and rhudy continued dancing by himself, leaving a gap and holding his arms out like he was holding a partner. when anti laughed and joined him again, rhudy twirled him round and nearly dropped him. "mama, ooh!" he crooned. "i don't wanna die, sometimes i wish i'd never been born at all!"

rhudy grabbed his guitar from the table behind him and attempted to play it along with the song but it was too fast and he gave up, pretending to play it instead. as the song sped up, so did they, taking turns singing the galileo's and bursting into fits of laughter.

"so you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?" rhudy yelled, pulling anti closer to him and laughing breathlessly.

"so you think you can love me and leave me to die?" anti yelled after him, and at that point they gave up on singing and collapsed to the floor next to a record stand, wheezing and catching their breaths. and fuck, fuck, it was such a warm, joyful feeling, and for a moment anti didn't even feel any pain, just happiness. all he wanted was to feel like this forever. he wished there was a way he could feel like this forever and never have to stop.

rhudy turned to him, and suddenly their faces were very, very close. far too close. anti's smile faded slightly. this was normal, right? this was how normal people found happiness?

maybe he could feel like this forever.

anti had, obviously, never kissed anyone before. doing so felt… odd, to say the least. it didn't feel like much of anything except touching faces with someone else. but this had to be it, the solution to his problems. this had to be what would make him happy. he'd been so happy while they were dancing and talking… this had to be what those feelings were. it had to be.

and maybe it did feel nice to be so close to another person, and that was what mattered.

he moved his head back to take a breath. rhudy opened his eyes wide, blinking. this close, anti could see pale freckles dotted across rhudy's nose.

"oh," rhudy said softly.

"shit," anti said just as softly.

he kissed him again and it felt wrong and right and it distracted him from the pain and anti never wanted to stop.

the song had ended. the room was getting very dark, as the lights had long ago flickered out. he let out a breath, almost too overwhelmed to speak.

"i - i should close up," rhudy murmured against anti's mouth.

"do that," anti said. "i - i don't really have anywhere to go tonight."

that was a lie.

"you can stay at mine," rhudy said. "if you want."

anti still had time to back out.

"i do want."

the next afternoon, jack was getting ready to go out again.

he wasn't really surprised that anti had gone out. he was more surprised that he had snuck out the window. had he wanted to avoid jack that badly? actually, maybe he wasn't surprised. jack sighed as he attempted to fix his hair in the mirror despite how it kept standing straight up at the ends. whatever. it wasn't like he cared at this point.

chase texted him to let him know he and henrik were inside the mcdonalds. it was crowded, and two little kids slammed into jack's legs as they ran out. frowning, he tried to scan the crowd to see his friend through all the people. he'd said he'd gotten a table, so maybe - ah, there he was, up against the wall and waving cheerily at him despite his clearly tear splotched face, and there was someone with him, someone…

jack stopped walking right in the middle of all the people and didn't breathe.

"jack!" chase called, standing up and beckoning him over. jack almost couldn't move. the man next to chase looked confused as well, tapping his arm rapidly and saying something jack couldn't hear. he slowly walked over to their table, his legs feeling like jelly.

"jack, meet henrik!" chase beamed, gesturing towards the other man. the man who, like chase, like anti… looked exactly like himself.

"hey," jack murmured, sitting down tentatively across from the other two. henrik nodded, mouth hanging open slightly in shock.

"henrik, this is jack," chase said, twirling his hand around. they both bobbed their heads up and down, staring at each other.

"it is… nice to meet you?" henrik said uncertainly, and jack jolted at his german accent. holy shit, it was him. it was him. henrik stretched his hand across the table for jack to shake, and he took it. "henrik von schneeplestein, if you please."

"jack… mcloughlin," he said, forcing a smile. then he turned to chase. "chase, can i talk to you for a second?"

chase frowned. "uh, yeah, sure," he said, and jack stood and walked over to the other side of the room, grabbing chase's arm as he followed him.

"dude, what the fuck? we've left henrik alone over there!" chase hissed.

"chase, i - where did you find this guy? how do you know him?" jack asked.

chase yawned, scrubbing at his face. "met him at a bar, his wife has just kicked him out too. we bonded over it, apparently." he laughed. "we didn't recognize that we had the same face until later."

jack glanced over at the man, who was awkwardly scrolling through his phone at the table. his mind literally could not wrap around it.

"he's a practicing doctor," chase said, snapping him from his thoughts. "studying at the local university. is this guy… is this guy the doctor you told me about? the one you made to help aiden?"

"i think so," jack said. "this is - this is fucking weird." he turned to chase. "did you tell him?"

"what, that everything he knows is fake and he's not even real?" chase snorted, fixing the brim of his cap. "no, i didn't. i barely believe it myself, i'm still convinced this is a very elaborate prank. i'm only going along with this because it'll get a lot of views on my channel if we can make this funny enough."

jack rolled his eyes and began to go back to the table. "sure, whatever."

henrik smiled as they sat back down. "everything ok?" he asked, tapping his fingers on the table. as he looked at the two of them, jack noticed a few slight differences between himself and henrik and chase. henrik's hair was flatter with a small streak of grey, and his eyes were a much lighter blue. chase looked almost younger than jack, and there were a few freckles splattered across his face that jack was sure hadn't been there the last time he'd seen him. it was so surreal, knowing he had somehow brought them into existence. that if anti's theory was correct, they were pieces of his soul. the thought made him feel almost sick.

"yeah, it's fine," jack said. "do you guys, uh, wanna get food?"

"i would," henrik nodded. "then maybe we can talk about why you are my exact copy and chase did not think to tell me this."

this ceiling wasn't his. these walls weren't his. this room wasn't his.

anti blinked at the lights streaming through the windows for almost thirty seconds before he remembered.

shit. oh shit, oh shit, please say he hadn't done what he thought he had. he sat straight up, panic coursing through him, and - nope, this wasn't his bed. he was shirtless, and rhudy was laying beside him, asleep.

ok. ok. this was fine, anti reassured himself, fumbling for his clothes. this was fine. rhudy stirred slightly, making a small sound in his throat. anti felt sick.

because it wasn't fine. nothing was fine anymore. he fucking hated this, he hated it and he wasn't supposed to. he had been so happy last night - why hadn't this fixed him? why had he been having a good time until he kissed rhudy, why had he convinced himself this was what would help him? jesus fuck, anti was going to be sick. he was going to be sick.

he was going to have to kill him.

that was the only thought in his panic stricken brain. kill rhudy and get the fuck out of there, go back to jack, maybe kill him too if he still felt like it. anti frantically began getting dressed, looking for his knife in his hoodie pocket. it was still there, thankfully. he unfolded it grimly, tapping it against his hand as he breathed heavily, trying not to scream. bile rose in his throat as he looked down at the other man, thinking about slitting his throat.

he'd done it before. why couldn't he do it now, why was he suddenly scared? why had he formed an emotional attachment? he grabbed at his hair, his knife dangerously close to his face. this was fucking pathetic. he took several deep breaths, and lowered the knife to where rhudy was laying. right next to his throat.

why couldn't he do it? what the fuck was wrong with him?

he didn't have time to think about it, because rhudy's was awake and he was staring at anti, eyes wide, almost not daring to move.

"anti?" he said, shocked. "what are you -"

anti yelped and leaped off the bed, stumbling back into the wall as rhudy sat up, holding both hands up next to his head. "hey, hey!" he cried, and he looked terrified, and anti held up the knife in front of him, warning him not to move.

"d-d-don't -" anti stammered, but suddenly his voice wouldn't cooperate and neither would his body. he glitched wildly, yanking his hair and crying out through the pain ripping through him, almost collapsing from the agony that had come out of nowhere. after he'd collected himself, he managed to glance up, still holding onto his head. rhudy was just… looking. just looking. horrified. anti stared back, far too aware for how disgusting he looked, half formed and probably insane. this had been a mistake. this had always been a fucking mistake.

he glitched away and rhudy didn't move to stop him.

his face burned.

it wasn't just from the humiliation of what had just happened, either. it felt like an actual, genuine burn, like someone was dragging a lighter down his cheek. as he quickly darted down the streets, getting as far away from rhudy's place as possible, he swiped at his face with his sleeve, trying to figure out what it was. something wet - blood, he assumed, but his sleeve wasn't stained when he pulled away, and when he touched his face with his hand it came away clear, like water, like -

oh, oh. like tears. anti was crying.

he had never cried before. never. he gasped and scrubbed at his skin fiercely, ignoring the pain. why did it burn? jack had cried before, he never told him it burned so bad, oh, it hurt. he gritted his teeth and pushed through it. fuck, he couldn't go home in this state.

he decided to just go get food at the mcdonalds near the park. might as well. it was pretty crowded, which anti was fine with; no one would notice him in a crowd. no one, except… his mouth dropped open when he saw. surely not. surely not here.

chase, sitting at a table across the room, saw him first. he tapped jack's arm, and he turned around to see him, along with the other man who was next to him. three of them. last anti had checked, that was one too many. the other man wasn't the hero, wasn't the magician… he must have been the doctor, finally found. anti looked away from them, too overwhelmed with everything to even care.

once he'd ordered and calmed himself down, he casually wandered over to their table, slamming both hands down on the surface and grinning wickedly. "hey there, assholes," he said, delighting in how chase and the doctor jumped at his sudden movement. jack just sighed. anti tilted his head at the man next to chase. "doctor schneeplestein, i presume?"

"how do you -" the man started, and anti just laughed. he was fucking furious all of a sudden, and just this man's presence was making it worse. "who are you?"

anti pulled his signature move of turning his eyes black, smirking. "is it cliche to say your worst nightmare?"

"anti," jack interrupted, about to stand, but anti pushed him down again forcefully. that didn't stop him from trying, though, and he struggled against anti's hand. "stop this, man, please."

anti was about to say something else, probably a snappy comeback or something, when jack's brow furrowed and he looked concerned. "anti, what happened to your face?"

anti snorted. "what do you mean?"

jack shrugged anti off and stood, too close to anti's face. "man, there's a big - it looks like a long, thin, burn mark, anti, what did you do?"

"i didn't do anything!" he protested, but then jack held up his phone on the front camera and - oh. he did have a long, thin burn mark on his cheek, trailing down from his right eye. oh, shit.

anti took several steps back, not wanting to look. he glared at the three man, frantically trying to think of something else to say that would put him back in control.

"order 107!" called a woman behind the counter, and anti glanced at his receipt. that was him. as he went up to collect his order, jack scrambled over to talk to him.

"anti, anti," he said breathlessly. "fuck, are you alright? where did you, uh, go last night?"

anti laughed without humour. "you wouldn't believe me if i told you."

jack made a noise of resignation and shook his head. "ok, sure, be vague about it. listen, i'm… i'm going to talk more with chase and henrik, ok? i -"

"ooh, the doc has a first name?" anti said in a mocking tone. jack threw up his hands.

"jesus shit, anti, listen to me for once! they're going to be round at the house sometimes, and you're going to have to just deal with it, ok? i'm allowed to have other friends apart from you. and these guys… well, you know what the situation is with them. i just… i have to learn more about what i can do, i guess. and i want you to be with me." he tapped anti's shoulder gently, his expression softening. "you're my best friend, dude. you got that? i'm not going to replace you."

but he already was, and he didn't even realize it. anti was dying, and jack didn't know. would he care if anti told him?

jack bit his lip, obviously concerned about anti's lack of a response. "you wanna come sit with us?"

did he? not really. but there was a small part of him that thought, maybe… he should. he should go sit with them and apologize for being an asshole. he should talk with them and find out more about their lives. he should let jack slowly explain everything to them and become friends and tell jack how badly he was hurting and then he'd fix him. wouldn't he? he could just do that. anti was so close to just giving in and letting himself do that.

but once glance at the doctor and the father at the table, looking over at them with confused and worried expressions, was all that anti needed to confirm what he wanted to do.

"no, i don't." anti said firmly. and with that, he turned and left, taking his food and not once looking back.

true to jack's word, chase and henrik were round at the house several times in the next three days.

at this point, anti couldn't tell if anyone had told henrik about the whole being-created-by-jack thing, and he didn't care to find out. henrik and chase tried not to be pushy or in his way, which he was slightly grateful for, but just their presence in the house annoyed him. he ended up staying in his room all the time, watching stuff on netflix and hacking phone lines when he got bored. he could often hear talking through his door and would sometimes just sit and listen. it made his chest hurt to hear jack so happy when he was so fucking miserable.

one day he bumped into chase when he left his room to get some food from the kitchen.

"shit, sorry," chase said, holding up a hand apologetically. anti just glared at him until he backed off, grinning awkwardly. "uh, you alright, dude?"

anti was getting pretty sick of people asking if he was ok. "the fuck do you think?" he snarled, taking a step forward. chase flattened himself against the wall, hands in a pose of surrender.

"fuck, man, relax," he said, laughing nervously. "i'll get out of your way."

"you fucking better," anti spat, revelling in the fear in chase's eyes. "or i'll tear your goddamn throat out with my teeth."

chase nodded frantically. "ok, ok, cool, i got it," he babbled, eyes darting back and forth down the hall. anti laughed at how pathetic he looked. he knew he should back away and go back to his room. but suddenly, this just wasn't enough.

"you know, you fucking disgust me!" anti said cheerfully, and chase paled. "i honestly do not know why jack puts up with you. you're so… boring, you know?" he yawned exaggeratedly. "boring, and just plain depressing. you get me? you're genuinely such a misery to be around." he laughed, and chase made a terrified squeak that was like music to anti's ears.

he stepped back, giving chase the room to move even though he chose not to do so, still plastered against the wall. a grin cut through anti's face.

"you don't have many friends, do you, jinx hat?" anti said, still smiling. chase's hand touched his head self consciously. "i wouldn't imagine you did. not many people would miss someone so boring, would they?"

he bounced back to his room, leaving chase alone in the hallway.

"anti."

he sighed loudly upon hearing jack's voice, and didn't get up from his bed. "that's me."

he heard jack tap the door gently. "i, uh, have a surprise for you."

anti raised an eyebrow despite jack not being able to see. "yeah? and what's that?"

"come and see!" jack said, excitement in his voice. "i think you're definitely gonna like this."

anti entertained the idea of ignoring him and going back to sleep. but he was, admittedly, slightly curious, and he was all prepared to be angry if it was a terrible surprise. jack grinned when anti opened the door, clapping his hands together once. "yes! come on, come to my recording room."

"are jinx and the doc here?" he asked suspiciously as they walked across the hall.

"nope! and you know, they have names." jack pushed open his recording room door, gesturing towards his computer. "go and see!"

anti stepped in, glancing around, but he couldn't see anything out of place. the only unusual thing was that jack's computer was on and loaded up to a game. anti frowned and stepped closer, staring at the screen.

"yeah, so you got the new five night's game. so what?" anti said, turning round confusedly. jack grinned.

"you know how when i was sick and you recorded that one video for me?" he said, spreading out his hands. "well… here's a series of your very own! happy early birthday!"

anti couldn't breathe for a second.

"you're… you're letting me…" he swallowed, suddenly feeling very small. "you're gonna let me play it… as you?"

jack laughed and looked down at the floor, rubbing his neck. "yeah, i am," he said. "i've been planning it basically since i heard it was coming out. i figured it'd be fun for you."

anti's breath hitched as he tried to gather words. "i - i, um… thank you, holy shit." he blinked rapidly. "fuck, i… after i've been such an asshole?"

"you're not an asshole," jack said quietly. "i - i've been a dick too, ok? and i feel like this is a… well, a good start."

anti turned back to the computer and watched the loading screen glitch. it was weird to think that he wasn't the one causing it.

"it came out yesterday, but i could only get it now," he heard jack say. he came to stand beside anti, putting a hand on his shoulder. "what do you think?"

anti ran his fingers through his hair, trying to think of how to respond. "i'd love to play it," he murmured. "fuck, thank you."

jack hesitated, then pulled him in for a hug. anti nearly burst into tears then and there, too scared to speak or move in case he did. he let jack hold him for a moment, then slowly wrapped his arms around his friend, resting his face against his shoulder.

"i'm sorry," jack whispered.

a pause.

"me too," anti whispered back.

the game took about two and a half hours to complete. it was strangely terrifying, knowing that people were going to see this, to see him. but he tried his best to keep it cool. at several point he almost had to stop from how much pain his body was in, but he was sure it was fine. he filmed four episodes in all, changing shirts between each one so it wouldn't seem like he'd played the whole game in one day; which, now he thought about it, wouldn't have been that weird for jack. once he'd finished, he considered watching it back to see if he'd made any obvious mistakes in his imitation of jack, but there wouldn't be much he could do to change it now, so he didn't really care that much. he decided to take the liberty of sending the videos to robin himself and then went out to see jack, feeling happier than he had in a long time.

jack was in the kitchen, making popcorn. anti stood at the door for a minute, listening to the popping sounds, before jack noticed him and broke out in a grin. "hey! how was it, did you finish?"

he nodded, suddenly almost shy, looking down at the chair legs. "i sent the videos to robin," he said. "and, uh… thanks again."

"no problem, dude, i'm glad you liked it." the microwave beeped and jack took the bowl out, yelping at how hot it was. "ouch, fucking burning bastard. do you wanna watch a movie or something?"

anti gave a small nod. "if you want. any ideas?"

jack moved past him into the living room, eating the popcorn dry. "well, this movie came out on netflix today. the siege of jadotville. it's irish."

anti snorted. "just the name alone is putting me to sleep."

"did i mention it's irish?"

"irish, smirish, it sounds crap!"

the two of them laughed, and anti felt warm again.

the movie was boring, as anti had predicted. he barely stayed awake long enough to get half an hour in before drifting off on the arm of the couch, jack gently playing with his hair. when he woke, it was late afternoon, jack was gone, and a blanket had been draped over him. he sighed warmly, not wanting to move.

"aid - anti? you up?"

he glanced up to see jack coming into the room, looking worried. anti pushed himself to his elbows, yawning. "i am. what's the problem?"

jack raised his arms behind his head, blowing all the air out his cheeks. anti immediately recognized something was wrong and sat up fully, throwing the blanket off him. "jay? what is it? come on, man, spit it out."

jack took a deep breath and folded his hands. "you know how you sent the videos to robin?"

a thick feeling of dread rose up in anti's chest. "yeah?" he said quietly, almost afraid to hear.

jack hesitated before continuing. "the, uh, files got corrupted," he mumbled. "glitches everywhere. it's… unusable, i think. i'm sorry."

neither one of them said anything for a long moment.

"post it anyway," anti said eventually.

jack sighed and sat down next to him on the couch. "dude, i can't. the facecam footage looks terrible, it's always staticy and glitchy, and you can't even be heard at some points -"

"then edit that out!" anti yelled, leaping to his feet. jack got up again right after. "edit that out and post it, it's fine, you let me film that, jack! i've waited years for you to let me appear on the channel!"

jack flinched back, shaking his head. "anti -"

"no!" he screamed, grabbing at his hair. "no, no, that's not fair, it's not my fault!"

"i thought you had your glitching under control?" jack said worriedly, holding out his hands to try and calm anti down.

"i did, i did, i have for years!" the sound of static got even louder, and anti could feel himself slowly losing control again. "it's your fault, it's your fucking fault, it's your fault that i'm dying!"

jack just watched helplessly as anti screamed, clawing at himself and glitching so wildly he couldn't stay together. "anti, i -"

"i've tried everything!" he wailed, his whole body searing with pain as he tried to piece himself back. "i tried drinking, i tried exercising, i tried burning myself, i tried - fuck, i even tried sleeping with my only other friend, nothing works and it's your bloody fault!"

"anti!" jack cried, alarmed. "i -"

someone knocked at the door.

anti whipped round, eyes blazing. "and who's that?"

"well, uh, i think it's chase and henrik - we - we were gonna go out for a bit - anti, wait -"

"oh, come in!" anti called, in a perfect imitation of jack's voice. "door's open!"

the door opened, and anti could hear the two other men chattering as they came inside. jack visibly swallowed. "anti," he said, very softly. "anti, stop."

"jack!" anti heard henrik call in that fucking german accent. "where are we going, i have -"

they stopped dead in the door when they saw what was going on. "is… is this a bad time?" henrik asked tentatively.

"oh no, you're just in time!" anti said, almost hysterically. he grinned, his body stabilizing for just a second. "just in time!"

another glitch ran through him, and he doubled over from the pain. chase and henrik turned to leave, but anti suddenly appeared in front of them, blocking their path. "oh, don't leave so soon!" he cried. "you'll miss all the fun!"

"anti, aiden, please stop!" jack sobbed, trying to grab anti's arm. he pushed him away, almost too forcefully, and jack slammed into the table behind him. "shit, stop it!"

but anti's attention was on chase now. chase, who was holding henrik's hand and backing towards the door, shaking. "w-why are you doing this?" chase stammered. "please, dude, we never meant to hurt you!"

anti laughed without mirth, his hand on his pocket. "a bit late for that, jinx!"

he made a sudden move, grabbing chase's neck in a burning rage and throwing him back into the wall. one of chase's legs shot to and kicked anti's knee, and he stumbled back, henrik attempting to help chase up so they could get out. anti straightened and lunged for henrik this time, wanting to kill him, to kill him, to -

and jack was yanking him back by his hood and trying to get him off -

and anti whirled round and lashed out -

and jack fell, and anti had a knife in his hands, when did he get a knife in his hands -

and jack was on the ground and anti had a knife pressed to his throat.

there was dead, dead silence.

"aiden?" jack said softly.

aiden could see the terror in his eyes.

then someone was pulling him off of him, shoving him to the floor. anti gasped, crying out as the contact sent shocks through his body. henrik, the doctor, standing in front of jack, holding - anti's knife was gone, slipped from his hands. henrik held it, looking so tired yet so fierce. in that moment, anti had to admit he was impressed by how unwavering he was.

"stop this." henrik said. he very deliberately closed the knife and tossed it behind him, where chase was slumped against the wall.

anti got the message and left.

three hours later he was on the ground in an alleyway with blood on his hands.

how many people he'd killed, he'd lost track of. so much blood on his hands. he stared at them, shaking so badly it hurt, the uneven ground wet from the earlier rain. he hugged himself, his vision blurring, tasting blood in his mouth.

he could never go home now. never. not after what he'd done, not after the way they'd looked at him.

and with that sudden stabbing realization, the tears that were threatening on the ends of anti's lashes finally fell. and unlike last time, he couldn't do anything to stop them. a great sob tore from his throat and he almost screamed as the water burned his cheeks, his shoulders shaking with pain and the force of his crying. his chest tightened and he could barely breathe. he curled into himself as he sobbed, almost hyperventilating, like a panic attack he couldn't come down from. he'd never felt this kind of distress before - usually his negative feelings manifested in the form of anger, but now it was everything. sadness, rage, fear, grief, all combined into one meltdown.

he buried his face in his knees and didn't move for several hours. when he finally did, his face stung in the places his tears had rolled down. all the nearby streetlamps had gone out and he was left in darkness. as usual.

he was standing just outside the doors to the corner shop, staring into the distance with his hands in his pockets.

jack almost turned and left. almost. but he had to face this eventually, even if his neck still ached with bruises and stung from the small cut anti had given him. he would have to talk to him at some point.

anti turned as he got closer. he must have known jack was there. his expression was completely blank, though jack couldn't help but blach at anti's face as he grew nearer.

"what happened to your face?" were the first words out of his mouth as he got right next to anti. his face was red and blotchy, like he'd been crying, and there were reddish looking scars down his face liked he'd been burned. anti scowled, glancing away and not answering.

they stood in silence for a little while, both wondering what to say. then jack spoke again. "this is it, isn't it." he let out a shuddering breath. "for us."

"i don't know," anti said flatly. "i would believe so."

jack blinked rapidly, swallowing hard and clenching his fists so tightly his nails dug into his palm. "ok."

another pause. the wind blew through their hair, and jack noted how different he and anti really did look, in the end. maybe they had always been like this and jack had never noticed.

"you're not going to post the videos i made." anti said. "you're going to film something entirely different and try to forget i ever existed."

"no," jack said, even though that was almost entirely true.

"i'm not stupid, jack." anti said. "and i hope you know i won't make it easy for you."

jack's breath hitched, and a tear fell from his eye. "i know. you wouldn't be aiden mcloughlin if you did."

"you're not understanding me," anti said, turning his head away slightly. "not that you ever have."

jack closed his eyes. "i wish i could have. i'm sorry."

"no you're not."

"i am, of course i am. i love you."

he opened his eyes to see that anti had vanished.

he said it anyway.

"happy birthday."

#jacksepticeye #boop writes #antisepticeye #chase brody #henrik von schneeplestein #arc zero: cruthú #rhudy o'donnell

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where-fading-princesses-live · 4 years

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double standards

So I was watching this very interesting video last night... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Di_R6Md-L80

And around 6:43, he talks about the classic Mary Sue trope and how, if you have a male character in a work of fiction who is presented as equally perfect and free of flaw (in other words, a Gary Stu), the criticism is less harsh towards him, or in some cases, nearly nonexistent. Some might even say he's a total bad-ass and how dare you find fault in someone so impossibly cool? But if they're female? Good god, it's bad writing and anti-feminist. People seem to be generally way more accepting of male archetypes who fall under this trope than the likes of their female counterparts, hence double standards. You see this all the time in action flicks for instance. Arnold Schwarzenegger films, anyone? James Bond whomst??? But suddenly you have Rey who's arguably not better or worse than the likes of those characters, and yet, the general opinion of her is... kind of unfair. Understandable, nonetheless... I'm not a fan of her either but at the same time, I don't think we should judge her harsher than male characters who have similar treatments. Male characters like that shouldn't be excused. I'm not saying Stus are NEVER pointed out or criticized, but this guy does have a point. There seems to be a much more airtight scrutiny surrounding female characters of this nature and it might be due to internalized misogyny or ''something something quantum quantum...'' Granted, I don't think Stus/Sues should be a widely accepted overused theme regardless, and that should be blamed on poor writing rather than sexism. Whether male, female, both, neither and everything in-between, characters need to be well-written, well-developed, believable and nuanced and blah blah blah. I'm not really here to talk about that. What I want to point out is double standards. And yes, this is sexism.

Take Rick and Morty for example. I'm not going to get too deep into it, but the fandom seems to praise the shit out of Rick who can easily be labelled a Stu because as we're constantly reminded, he's supposedly the ''smartest man in the universe''. Now, when you create a character who is a self-professed genius and placed on a pedestal by the writers, it can definitely come off Stu-ish. It's not that Rick unrealistically lacks flaws... no, this man is LOADED with flaws, but the fact that he's a literal badass who can get out of almost any sticky situation... well, like I said, there's more to his character than that and I'm not going to get into it, but Rick rarely, if ever, fails. Sometimes there's moments of vulnerability and the fact that he keeps trying to change but just slips back into his old ways, that makes him much more 3-dimensional than a Stu... but you know, despite his narcissism, his sarcasm, his alcoholism and mistreatment of his family and his incapability of maintaining healthy long-term relationships, he still has a limitless ability to create, a superior intelligence level even when compared to higher lifeforms on other planets, enabling him to outsmart entire government organizations and civilizations spanning galaxies, well... you can see where I'm going with this. There's no person on this planet like that who exists irl, even among the smartest of history's greatest men. Yes, it's a cartoon, it's meant to be far-fetched. Yes, it's sci-fi so we're expected to suspend our disbelief. Yes, there's a reason for it. Yes, it drives the core of the story. But even if there's times where it seems Rick will definitely fail, he never truly has an ALL IS LOST MOMENT because the writers conveniently write him out of most of his troubles, because the series has to keep going (obviously). Basically, I never feel a real sense of danger when Rick is in trouble because I know he'll get out alive (if not, there's infinite amount of Ricks and infinite amount of realities to replace him-- not to mention he can replace his family members as many times as he fucks up which became the show's laziest overused point in my opinion). Rick's not a bad character. Far from it. That's not what bothers me.

What bothers me is his daughter, Beth. Okay, no, she doesn't specifically bother me. The way the fandom sees her bothers me. Now Beth is undoubtedly cut from the same cloth. You know what they say, like father like daughter. And yet... the fandom fails to recognize her as a potentially great character, just as equally flawed and brilliant minded as Rick. She's a genius horse surgeon in a failing marriage. (I will go out on a limb and say she's more well written than Rick *ducks from flying tomatoes*.) I mean, her story is literally almost the same as her father's, her flaws are just as realistic--in fact, she's probably more realistic because she's not the ''smartest so and so of the godforsaken universe'' which is just as bad as annoyingly cringey The Chosen One trope. She's just Beth. A terribly smart woman with abandonment issues and trust issues and all other kinds of issues, but you can't blame her given her upbringing. By no means perfect or good at everything she does. Or loved (or hated) by everyone or hailed a genius by the entire flipping universe. You can't even call her a Sue. Yet some of the fandom chooses to label her a b*tch for whatever reason... even though her characterization is near identical to D*ck, er I mean Rick (e.g. she drinks just as much when she hits an all time low). She's just as awful with just as many fuck ups yet she's more sympathetic due to the way Rick raised her (or didn't raise her)... yet there's a double standard because somehow, because she's a female, she's a worse character than Rick, who's a male and apparently awesome (brownie points because he's one of the the two titular characters so you *can't* hate him, it's against the law). If Beth were Rick's son instead of his daughter, I wonder if the general opinion would be the same or not. If Rick were a woman.... he would be Rey, now would he? Don't deny it.

Then there's Ed Edd n' Eddy. As much as I love praising the hell out of this show, I also like to crap on it. There's no shame in pointing out flaws in your faves. But this isn't so much the flaw in the actual show and the actual writing, but again, I'm taking a jab at the fandom and how they perceive male characters v. female characters.

Sarah. Sarah is almost exactly like the female Eddy. She's little and bratty and loud af. She's probably the most hated character on the show (even Jimmy and Kevin are more liked than she is). I used to not like Sarah either but I never really asked myself WHY. When I compared her to Eddy, I realized that they're literally, almost the same character and I have no real reason to hate her (yeah yeah a lot of the cul-de-sac kids share eerily similar traits to the Eds and it was no accident; it makes you wonder why the kids hate the Eds so much if they ostracize them for the very same quirks they have, and it's not just the scams--it's because kids at this age are terribly insecure about themselves and tend to make fun of more vulnerable others who share their flaws to make themselves feel better. I was bullied in middle school for acne by... wait for it.... kids who had acne. GASP. Imagine that. So my point is, we often despise traits in others we despise in ourselves, not to mention we don't perceive ourselves the way others perceive us, hence, the Looking Glass Self theory. Basically, EEnE is deeper than it appears on the surface, and I've analyzed this before during those EEnE Appreciation Month things, so I won't bother repeating myself, but that's the basic idea in a nutshell.)

Ahem, before I get off on a further tangent, let me reiterate my main point. Sarah IS Eddy. No, not really, but yes, kinda really. Her voice can be irritating and grates on your nerves at times, she's bossy and controlling of her friends (I honestly love her friendship with Jimmy, and how they both defy stereotypical gender norms, and how protective she is of him, but there's times where she pushes his buttons), and though she doesn't hold Jimmy back from finding his own independence apart from her the way Eddy sometimes does to Ed and Edd who he treats them more as cronies in the first season (for instance, Sarah doesn't raise objection to Jimmy joining the Urban Rangers and finding his own identity and making other friends besides her, I mean they don't have to be glued to the hip and she damn well knows that), and yet... the way she treats Ed... well... even if Eddy stands up for Ed against Sarah and grows increasingly annoyed with the way she walks all over him... Eddy ain't much better, pumpkins. DON'T ACT LIKE HE'S BETTER THAN HER. Sure, male characters *always* get excused for this kind of behavior, but if it's a girl, she's automatically a mega beyotch with no redeeming qualities. If she's a b, he's a b, and they both have potential to redeem their flaws. They should be treated equally.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE Eddy. He's one of my favorite characters. OPE. And there's the tea.

Most people LOVE Eddy (not everybody, and if you don't, that's fine; you don't even have to like Sarah, but I have a case). Despite the fact that he's bossy, sarcastic, rude, selfish, self-absorbed, over confident, flamboyant, vain, screams with a voice that makes your ears bleed.... well, gee, didn't I just describe Sarah? Sarah loves make-up clothes and hair just as much as Eddy loves speedos and deodorant and cheap shampoo and dressing to the nines for Jonny's Arbor Day Party. Hell, Sarah had a complete meltdown because she lost her freakin' earring! Eddy flipped the fuck out when Ed lost his porno mags. THEY'RE. THE. SAME. FUCKING. PERSON. (and it's why they butt heads but that's a topic for another day, because you know, you can't fight fire with fire... you can argue the same for Eddy and Kevin)

Yet, the fandom HATES Sarah and LOVES Eddy. Probably not cuz she's female, but aside from the Kankers, the girls (and Jimmy, poor Jimmy) seem to receive harsher judgment towards them as characters by fans, even if they have similar traits to the boys. I'm sure it's because Sarah isn't as well written or developed a character as Eddy (who's a main cast member, actually the driving force of the show, the primary lead) BUT that's not to say Sarah doesn't have her moments of vulnerability or moments of total bad-assery that makes her.... well... interesting if given the chance. (In BPS, she beats the living shit out of the Kankers and devises a plan for her and Jimmy to escape their enslavement, one of my all-time favorite scenes in the entire movie; not to mention she beats the crap out of EVERYONE on the show and it's usually, not always, well-deserved but it's entertaining nonetheless: cat fights with Nazz, even beating up Rolf who's twice her size, etc.). The fact that everyone is afraid of this little girl??? (maybe except Kevin). I mean, this chick is fearless, and yet, she still has moments of weakness. That's 3-dimensional if you ask me. She's more than just the bratty little sister. I didn't used to like her, but after studying her more, I've come to appreciate her. There's nothing about her that makes her an inherently ''bad'' female character. She plays a role, as do they all, and she plays the role perfectly.

Last but not least: Nazz. Everyone's favorite (I'm kidding). I don't know if the fandom hates Sarah or Nazz more. I can understand the hate towards Sarah, but Nazz seems even less just. Nazz is like one of the nicest people on the show and never really does anything to warrant the hate (until the infamous flanderized Season 5-- don't judge me, I love S5 regardless)... but even then she's still nice, if a bit artificially so. I mean, she becomes a bit of a Mean Girl (they all kinda do; it must be how the clique school environment changes a person), but she still goes out of her way to be inclusive towards everyone (even if she can be spotted in the background laughing at the Eds along with the others at times, but they're ALL guilty of this... ya'll out here lovin' on Rolf or Jonny or whatever, and pretending like they're saints, but they laugh at our precious Ed boys too. Also, precious Ed boys are not complete angels either and sometimes they need a good ass whooping or two. I mean, they're just kids. Kids are assholes). She's not a bad person though; she roots for all the contestants during the Spelling Bee. She personally appoints Ed to be the mascot of the football team. I can go on and on. She's just nice. Maybe that's why fans hate her. Because nice is boring. Nice is... personality-less. I don't think Nazz has as much eccentricity as the other characters, obviously, but she, too, has her moments (she yodels, for starters). She's not entirely lacking in personality. Sure, she may have as much personality as a board of wood (actually, I take that back, Plank has MORE personality than her XD) buuuut.... Idk, I like Nazz. I didn't at first either. But even if it irks me a bit that she's reduced down to the unattainable love interest and not much else, she, too, isn't an inherently ''bad'' female character. She has the least development of all the cast members, but she fills her role effectively. Without her, the show would feel like it's missing something. Even if she doesn't appear as often.

What bothers me the most is that she plays the same part as Kevin, only female. Kevin's the quintessential jock/bully popular leader of the kids, the King of the Cul-de-sac if you will (self-appointed or otherwise, just don't tell Eddy I told you). Nazz is like his Homecoming Queen, even if they're not an official couple (they spend the whole series as a ''will they or won't they Ross and Rachel'') and though not the leader of the kids collectively, she does sometimes lead the girls (or really, Sarah and Jimmy), while Kevin leads the boys (Jonny and Rolf, excluding the Eds). AND YET Kevin, though sometimes hated by fans, isn't nearly *as* hated as Nazz. Yet, he has as much personality as her (sorry, I love you, Kev). I mean, THEY'RE. ALMOST. THE. SAME. CHARACTER. Good looking, sporty, popular... He's also the least developed character of the male cast. Plank has more development than him and that's kinda sad... y'know... getting beat by a board of wood. (But Plank comes alive through Jonny, so basically Jonny is split into two separate characters; Plank reveals aspects of Jonny that he won't reveal to us, and vice versa. I can talk about Jonny all day, but let's not, because this is about Nazz.) I mean, again, Nazz and Kevin both have their moments of vulnerability and it's not like they're NEVER interesting; I beg to differ. Kevin, anyway, has two great episodes that revolve directly around his insecurities and anxieties and deep-seated fears, some deep shit I wish we got to see with Nazz. But instead we got BPS and it was hands-down the best character development we ever saw from her in the entire show's run. It's sad it had to be the end, because if they gave us more BPS Nazz throughout the series, she would have been a well rounded 3-d character.

Nazz is angry AF in BPS and I live for angry Nazz. We can kind of feel for her here because Kevin is such a dunce. She's finally reciprocating his feelings and he decides to turn the other way.... for his goddamn inanimate bike. It's something Jonny would do, but Kev always loved that bike... I guess more than Nazz, and it's one of the greatest love triangles ever. Phantom of the Opera don't interact. Ahem. My point is, Nazz finally displays more personality here-- like actual fucking emotion beyond just being nice and pretty (sure, we've seen her get angry sometimes, or freaked out other times, but never like this). Buuuuuut the fandom sees otherwise. They hated Nazz even MORE after this, despite that.... the male characters in BPS, like Rolf who punches through a tree and Edd and Eddy who go at it all piss and vinegar in an actual fist fight, are angry fucking men, and they're allowed to be angry and not Nazz because...? They have more testosterone and she doesn't? Because penises are more justified than vaginas? Oops, no, sorry, women can only be angry when they're on their periods, my bad. I mean, everybody's out in this freezing cold swamp, having a break down, at their wit's end, reaching their ''all is lost'' moment... yet, Rolf and the Eds are allowed to vent their frustrations on each other or on the surrounding environment. But not Nazz. No, Nazz is being a b*tch because.... Kevin's paying more attention to a non-living machine than to her. And he sat flat on his skinny ass and didn't help her when she needed him the most. And she didn't have to tag along with him but she did. She didn't have to put up with his cold aloofness but she did. And even if she was trying to catch his attention and flirt with him at inappropriate times she wasn't entirely useless. It was HER idea to find Eddy's brother. If she hadn't suggested it, he'd still be riding around in circles chasing his shadow. Yeah, okay, she's a total b*tch.

God forbid women have emotions. God forbid women cry or get frustrated. Then they're b*tches. But if they're pretty and nice and perfect and popular, they're Sues. Yet, male characters with the same traits.... get lighter sentences. No one even bats an eye. Boys will be boys am I right?

I can go on but yeah, don't say double standards are total BS. In this essay I will

#personal shit #eene #ed edd n eddy #rick and morty #feminism #mary sue #gary stu #nazz #sarah

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