Listen everyone has their own metric for what good writing is and isn’t but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t get me down a little to see one of my faves dragged through the mud by both haters and fans alike on a pretty much weekly basis

My name is Zolisa Gumede. I am a writer with the 100 Sailors and I feel honoured that the Sailors' Review is publishing an article about my first ever novel. My inspiration for the book happened the way it always happens with all my art in a slightly unorthodox manner. As far back as in 2017 I was having what I call 'a still moment' and the story just came. In one minute it wasn’t there and in the next it was in my thoughts. Though this wasn’t all of the story but just the beginning of it. I remember the feelings of it were so intense. The ideas that accompanied those feelings just had to be put down. I couldn’t resist the need to write a story about the intrigue of human relationships, about the many faces of love, and about the flaws of love. Originally it was supposed to be a romantic saga but as I wrote it just turned into a crime drama.

The title ‘The Fight Room’ came as I was thinking about how to title a story about the human struggle when it hit me. The human struggle is a fight, it’s a battle to conquer ourselves so the word ‘fight’ naturally fit into the title. Our humanity is so beautiful, so frustrating, so limiting, broken yet whole and I wanted to write about that. Well, the other part of the title comes from the story’s setting. The core of the story is about a couple of characters who are fighting through their human condition by getting help from the Doc, a psychologist. It’s because so many personal battles happen in the Doc’s office that her patients starts to refer to her office as the fight room. The plot itself came to me as a flash in my thoughts. I remember as I wrote the first page it was supposed to be a short story but it began to have a life of its own. The characters started to just come alive as I wrote.

We are introduced to The Fight Room through Mark. He is a drug addict trying to keep his head above water but then addiction is something he somewhat actually enjoys. The Doc’s offices also introduce us to a couple trying to get normalcy after a miscarriage and we see the fractures in who they are and in their marriage life and wish it wasn’t so. In the fight room we witness battles of mental illness and the destruction caused by mental illness misbehaviour. Then we see humanness in weakness, in strength, grief, spirituality, all the way to the point of murder. When I started writing this story I didn't quite know these characters but I knew they were real and had to be given voice. So I just kept on penning them and they grew in me and on paper. The story kept going and when it should have ended, when blood had been split and revenge had not been taken, I knew that there was a bit more to be written. The story wasn’t done. Some of the characters like Moffatt, who had been tricked to take a murder charge for his wife, still had a thing or two to do. So as I wrote what I was certain was the book’s last chapter, I knew that the story would fit a duology. The book has 13 chapters and epilogue. I kept it short because the reader and I had to accept what had happened in it before facing what will happen next to Ndlovu, to Moffatt or the self righteous Lin.

For “The Fight Room” I used a merge of narrative and descriptive writing. I think I chose to merger these forms of writing because they enabled me not only to map out the story but to take the reader into the character’s mind and feelings so that these characters could be seen as they truly are. It was the descriptive writing that I felt would draw the readers into the characters’ thoughts and feelings which revealed aspects of the characters that they themselves don’t even know exist. Like how the dark places of Lin’s “angelic personality” are revealed when the reader is taken into her thoughts. The narrative writing I loved to use for the flashbacks and to show the connections of the characters’ lives to each other. Through the narration at Thandi’s funeral we discover that she wasn’t insomniac who couldn’t keep a relationship but was suffering a mental illness that affected her long term memory.

The first chapters of the book zero in on different characters, introducing us to their lives and their battles while weaving the story toward the events that turn the lives of ordinary people into a world of violence and deceit. Though the book starts off as if telling a story about separate themes in the end it becomes about one thing – survival of the fittest.

The book is available on amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Fight-Room-Zolisa-Gumede-ebook/dp/B08KJG9YGF/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Zolisa+Gumede&qid=1606391117&sr=8-1

I do believe you will enjoy it. You can contact me via email on [email protected]. I’m also available on facebook – Zolisa Gumede. My cell number is +263773715610.

11/11/11 Tag Game: Rounds 24, 25, 26, and 27

Tagged by the wonderful @corsairesque, the lovely @azawrites, the stellar @sunlight-and-starskies, and the incomparable @inexorableblob - thanks!

And @inexorableblob, thank you for letting me rewrite the end of The Great Gatsby. It was very cathartic.

Rules: Answer 11 questions, write 11 questions, tag 11 people!

Bilbo Taggins: @aurumni-writes @quilloftheclouds @aslanwrites @starlitesymphony @writingonesdreams @waterfallwritings @cataclysmic-writer @ren-c-leyn @timefirewrites @minusfractions @ink-flavored - and if you like the questions and aren’t tagged, feel free to answer them! And tag me so I can see! 

My Questions:

How many licks would it take for your OCs to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

What are your favorite smells?

What’s the book you’ve read most recently? What did you think of it? What impressed you? What would you have done differently?

What are your thoughts on mugs?

If your OCs had a comic book series/graphic novel about them, what would it be called? What would be on the cover? What would the art style be?

Can you draw a bear?

Do you do any other kinds of art? Are you ever influenced by other kinds of art? What about other areas like science or mathematics/other disciplines?

Have you read any craft books or writing advice books? If yes, how have the helped or hindered you? Which would you recommend? If no, would you ever consider reading them?

What are your favorite kinds of narratives? What narrative structures do you prefer to write and what do you prefer to read?

What’s your favorite recipe?

What are some signs that make you consider setting a project aside vs continuing with it?

As always, answers under the cut!

@corsairesque‘s Questions:

1. Do you create playlists for your stories or characters?

I do! 

Here’s a detailed post about how I make them.

This is Mel’s from H2H.

This is Gemma’s from H2H.

This is one for the story I recently posted.

And I have one for each WIP on my WIP page! (Mostly, I’m still working on Fish Food’s.)

I actually have folders in Spotify for my characters and stories. Each one gets a playlist.

2. What is your stance on endings that don’t end with some hope?

Sometimes a story needs to have a certain ending to have an emotionally satisfying conclusion. I don’t think hope is absolutely required for an ending. I’ve ended stories without hope because that’s how the story ends. If I wrote it to conclude with an upturn, it would’ve been disloyal to the narrative. Like life, not everything ends happily, or with a positive outlook.

If you want it from a more technical perspective, there are three sorts of endings: positive, negative, and neutral. They can mix and match, but these are the three base ones. I tend toward neutral or positive-neutral endings. The best story I’ve written so far has a negative-leaning neutral ending because it concludes with a loss that does not promise hope. Positive endings are not necessary for a narrative, or for a conclusion. 

Sometimes you need to write a hopeful ending. Sometimes you need to read a hopeful ending. And sometimes you need to read or write something that ends on a down-note. I know I have. 

So, TL;DR, there is no ending hierarchy. It all depends on the reader and the writer, what they need, and what the story demands.

3. What author would you love to hear feedback from on your WIP?

Of literally anyone? Dead or alive? I mean. I’d love to hear what Flannery O’Connor would have to say about my short stories. I try to do a remix-version of her moments of grace in each of them.

4. What is the genre of your WIP(s)?

I mention these on my WIP page!

Most of my short stories are literary and contemporary fiction. My longer projects tend toward low fantasy.

5. How do you come up with new ideas for your WIP(s)?

I don’t have a method or anything for idea generation. My brain works in the background while I’m doing other things, so I’ll be washing dishes, or brushing my teeth, or writing something else, and an idea goes HI HELLO WHAT ABOUT THIS HUH? and I scramble to write it down.

Most of the time, my story ideas come from cool sentences I think of while observing. That sounds super weird and nerdy, but it’s true! When I’m bored or need to occupy my brain or just sorta feel like creating something spontaneous, I’ll look around and figure out how I’d write about a certain thing in the vicinity. 

Some examples of this from my phone notes:

“Laughter echoing through a cave, bouncing off the walls, the gift of hearing it over and over until it fades like gentle waking”

“Cheeks baked pink from the flush of her modesty”

“The last remnants of home, the dirt hidden beneath their fingernails”

“Headlights flicker between the gaps in the barrier like a slipstream of stars”

Ya know, stuff like that.

Sometimes, if I’m stuck while writing and need a thought, I look at the plot and think up complications for my characters to face. That’s how I figured out how to make Lithium 100% more plot relevant. I thought, okay, so she has this role right now, what can I add to make her stand in the way of X plan while also being an asset to Y? And boom, idea generated and problem solved.

6. What do you use to keep all your writing on? (Scrivener, Google Docs, good old pen and paper…)

I use Scrivener for all my main writing. I have a ton of phone memo notes for ideas on the go. I have a notebook full of random stuff for when I’m blocked and need to hand write something.

I also answered this further down!

7. What gave you initial inspiration for your WIP(s)?

H2H: There was a publisher who had a call for shapeshifter stories, and then I missed the deadline so I decided to try for a zine instead, then I got rejected, so I made it into my own thing.

AOPC: I needed to flesh out a piece of my homebrew DnD world, so I started worldbuilding, then it was my turn to turn in a story to be workshopped in my writing class, so I wrote a thing set in the village about the tribe and it all spiraled out from there.

FF: I had an errant thought about the script that hero and villain stories follow and wrote a thing about what would happen if one of them decided to deviate from it and BOOM the plot hit me like a semi truck.

Almost all of my short stories start with a sentence I think sounds really cool, a tone I want to try to capture (ex. the feeling of standing inside an old cathedral), or the ending moment of a character arc (I tend to work backwards).

8. How long have you been working on your WIP(s)?

I’ve been working with Heart to Heart since November 2018. I started thinking about Fish Food like 3 months ago I think? And I got the idea for All Our Painted Colors 3ish years ago, but it started as a short story that I thought about expanding about 8 months ago.

My writing process starts with a long period of thought percolation before I write anything definitive down.

9. What was the first thing you came up with for your WIP(s)?

H2H: The fact that the main character is an apothecary who uses recipes from historical documents to brew things and lives in a small town, and that their love interest changes shapes in some way.

AOPC: That the tribe is a society based around body paint, art, preserving their personal history, and stories. But mostly paint. 

FF: The hero danging over a pit of hungry piranhas and asking the villain a question that throws off the whole “death threat” vibe.

10. Have you considered Hogwarts houses for your characters? If so, what are they?

Answered this for the H2H cast here.

As for the Fish Food cast:

Iron Will - Hufflepuff

Overseer - Ravenclaw

Nightmare - A Hufflepuff who asked to be in Slytherin and the hat said “yeah okay”

Lithium - Gryffindor

Babylon - Slytherin

Sparkplug - Gryffindor

11. What do you find easiest to write? (Description, dialogue, etc.)

Interiority! Free indirect discourse! Unvoiced character brain thoughts! Which I guess means description? 

Writing dialogue sucks old car tires!

@azawrites‘ Questions:

what’s the best part about your writing style? I like how I build up to emotional punches. It’s like walking up a ramp, but in a literary way. And at the top of the ramp you either get a gut punch of feels or an ice cream cone.

do you write on the computer or on paper? I do most of my writing on my laptop because my hands can’t write fast enough to keep up with my brain. My typing is way faster. If I’m having trouble getting an idea down, or the tone of the writing lends itself to being handwritten (idk how to describe this, but sometimes words just gotta be scribbled, ya know?), I’ll hand write it in pen. I don’t use pencils anymore because I wasn’t allowed to in college and it kinda stuck.

what are your favourite books and why? Oh, no, there are too many. So I’ll just say my top book: The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien because of how it deals with stories and grief and remembering, the fact that it’s a story cycle (which is very cool), and the way he writes - it’s beautiful and sad and messed up and poignant. I love it.

why did you start writing? I’ve answered this before, but there was never really starting point for me. It’s just something I’ve always done. 

why did you continue writing? Because I had too much fun to stop! I also get creatively constipated, I guess is how I would phrase it, and need to have some sort of narrative outlet or my brain gets really mad at me.

where do you usually write? Pretty much anywhere, but most often at my desk. I think I need a taller chair, though...

can you describe your favourite piece (written by you) in one sentence? Let’s get authory with this one: The teacher hands out the tests, multiple choice this time, but when the stapled packet slides across your desk, there’s something odd about it, something that brings the war to life inside your head, a long-forgotten voice that speaks the souls of the soldiers and tells their stories from the annals of history. Or: A multiple choice test about WWII that tells the story of 4 men from Company B from enlistment to the end of their campaign.

what’s one cliche/trope you overuse, but still like anyway? It’s a trope when it comes to my own writing, actually. Person Sits Alone in the Dark and Contemplates. I love it, I abuse the hell out of it, and I will never stop.

what music do you listen to when working on a WIP? Depends. I have a go-to Writing Flow State song, playlists to help me get in the right head space when writing certain characters, and playlists that help guide the tone of a story. I can never listen to movie or video game scores because the association of song and cinematic moment is too strong for me.

have you ever dreamed of a fictional character? Uh, I have the occasional nightmare about Kokopelli? Does that count? 

what’s one thing that makes you automatically dislike a book? Overly pretentious first person POV prose (and I don’t mean purple. I mean a character who - honestly and without a hint of satire - thinks like a writer from the 1920s who just discovered what “paid by the word” means and believes they’re the wisest human being in the universe and everyone who doesn’t agree with them is the basest of idiots - barf). Gratuitous female violence. The use of the word “loins” outside of an animal context. Everything about The Beginners by Rebecca Wolff. 

@inexorableblob‘s Questions:

Which of your characters could you write as twice their current age? Oh, man, I think writing Iron Will in his forties or fifties would be really cool. It’d certainly give the story a new commentary twist.

Which of your characters could you write as half their current age? (I’m not gonna cheat and say Mel, I promise.) I think writing a 30yo Treena would be very cool. However, writing a 13 or 14yo Lithium who is just learning how to use her super powers would be WILD. 

What big city would your characters do best in?  London?  New York? Tokyo?  Mexico City?  Rio? The Fish Food characters would all do best in New York or London, since they’re very close to Conover. Lithium would prefer Rio, though, and Babylon would lobby for everyone to move to Tokyo.  The H2H characters would do best in Mexico City or London, depending on who decides to take charge and teach everyone the local customs. 

What would your characters do if they were in a small rural community that was attacked by underground worms? This is giving me too many ideas for H2H. Gemma would be a little bit furious, since she hates having to get rid of animals, especially when they’re invasive. If the worms just minded their own gosh dang business then everyone could live in peace.  If we’re talkin’ normal sized worms, like worm-sized worms, then Gemma would develop a pesticide that wouldn’t kill them, but force them to the surface where they would then be stunned by whatever weird solution Mel comes up with. Then the town would have a Worm-Off, where the person who collects the most worms wins free pie for a year, courtesy of Harry’s.  If we’re talkin’ DnD-style Purple Worms, like Beetlejuice worms, then Mel would take over. She’d help organize an evacuation and steal Oz’s gun, just in case. Then she’d do some spoilery things with Gemma assisting.

What is the worst place where you’ve ever wanted to write? Probably while I was taking the math section of the SATs. Kinda inconvenient, brain, thanks for that. Other terrible places: mid job interview, in the middle of an empty street at midnight, anywhere I’m sitting where I have terrible posture, watching a slam poetry event in a very crowded bar, etc.

What’s the most uncomfortable subject you’ve ever written about? I’ve written a little bit about hate crimes and loathed every second. I’ve written a character actively contemplating suicide (he was a WWII soldier) and that was not fun at all. I mean, I also wrote a paper about sexy (somewhat graphic) wlw poetry for my Sexuality class, which a lot of people would be uncomfortable with, but I thought it was a very good collection. Go read Marilyn Hacker’s stuff, it’s good.

If you had to change the ending of any famous novel, which would you pick? The Great Gatsby. We don’t end with the green light, screw the green light.  Gatsby wills all of his possessions and wealth to Nick and Nick becomes the next James Gatz. But this time around, he pines for the man who was killed in the pool just below his balcony while pretending to love Jordan, who finds out and amicably marries him because 1920s. She then uses Nick/Gatsby’s money to purchase an automobile manufacturing company and makes cars in every color but yellow. (Gotta maintain that color symbolism for F. Scott, I guess.) Nick discovers Gatz’ old bootlegging and illegal activities buddies and starts up a criminal empire. He and Jordan become the biggest, queerest, most spiteful and angsty crime bosses in New York. Nick makes it his life’s mission to take down false accusers, vigilante style. The car manufacturing company is what they use to launder money. Daisy divorces Tom because they’re both terrible people. Daisy takes her daughter and moves to California. Jordan sends Daisy’s daughter money secretly, about a hundred dollars a month. The last line is something about how Gatz was always reaching out and chasing green, but because of him, Nick is steeped in dark, bloody red. I would then write a sequel about Nick and Jordan and their crime empire that spans the East Coast. God, I hate this book.

If you had to change your life, what would you change without regret? Start therapy way earlier, 100%. That would have saved me a lot of nonsense.

If the end of the world where scheduled a week from tomorrow, what would you do?  Would you tell anybody? Everybody?  Keep it a secret? Assuming this was legit and the end of the world was actually happening, I’d probably try to tell some big-shot geologist or something, hoping they spread the word. Other than that, since debt won’t be a thing, I’d take the people I love on a killer trip around the world.

What would you do if a wizard offered to cast one spell for you, but your worst enemy got the same spell? Hmmm. I’d ask them to cast the Self-Realization spell, so they would instantly become aware of the effect their actions have on others and know exactly how terrible they’ve been to other people their whole life. Maybe then they can be a better person. My anxiety makes this spell ineffective on me, since it’s already there! Thanks, brain! 

Which would you choose, never eating in the same place, always eating the same meal, always eating with the same people, or never eating with the same people? I’d choose always eating with the same people. I like frequenting restaurants I like and eating different things. I don’t think I could deal with only eating the same thing/off the same menu forever. And I have bad social anxiety, so constantly eating with new people would probably short-circuit my brain eventually.  A good meal in good company is pretty great, though. 

@sunlight-and-starskies‘ Questions:

What is your favorite genre of music? I’ll always be a rock fan at heart. Right now, I really like folk rock and any kind of music that sounds like it has history behind it.

What are your favorite words? Illustrious, shimmer, soliloquy, incarnate, bound, and many more. Also most Yiddish curses.

Describe your ideal vacation. Somewhere cozy where I can explore and chill at my leisure. A week of artsy events in the city. Exploring landscapes in the country.

If you could have any fictional creature for a pet, what would it be? Why? Pegasus! I can ride and they can fly. We’d make an excellent team, and where we’d go, we wouldn’t need roads.

Which fictional universe would you live in if you had to live there for the rest of your life? Logic dictates the Star Trek universe, since I’d probably be an average civilian. Post-scarcity society? Sign me the hell up. My heart, however, is screaming ROHAN.

Favorite childhood toy? Uh... I honestly can’t remember. 

What is your aesthetic? Good smelling old books with doodles and notes in the margins, a pile of unfolded clean clothes on a chair, a stack of handwritten papers perched on the corner of a desk, the smell of breakfast cooking when you wake up, the immediate “woops” shock the moment you trip over something you should’ve moved earlier.

Tell me a random fact about your current project or you. About me: I have a birthmark that kinda sorta looks like an elephant. About Fish Food: The Coalition knows what happened to Hydrophase. So does Sparkplug.

Are you an early bird or a night owl? Night owl, all the way. I like the idea of being a morning person, though. 

What is your favorite food? Pasta! Or any kind of Asian food. 

What is your happiest memory? Oh, geez. Ummm. When I was little, I would curl up in my grandpa’s armchair and eat Burger King breakfast sandwiches on Saturday mornings. 

Writing fears suck, don’t they? If you’re a writer, you have them, no matter where you are in your career. Yet writing fears are especially ominous when you’re first starting out. The endless loop of:

What if I’m not good enough?

What if people hate my book?

What if someone gets hurt by my book?

What if people write horrible reviews?

What if what I think is good is just crap?

and on it goes.

I can fully relate. I didn’t start my writing career until my forties (I’m 55 now) for many of those same reasons. I also didn’t know how to start – what’s the proper, right way to start? To publish? To market? It’s overwhelming for someone just starting out, especially if that someone is super process-oriented like me.

Are These Fears Valid?

Of course, they are. All feelings are valid, even if they aren’t always logical (like toddlers in the sandbox, thinking and feeling don’t always get along or agree). For more on this, here’s an article you might find helpful from Scribed Media: 6 Writing Fears and How to Beat Them. 

I work with many writers (as both a survivor and advocate, as well as in my BadRedhead Media business) who don’t give themselves permission to write because of these fears. Here’s what helped me – and it’s so simple it’s almost stupid. A quote. One quote. I’m almost embarrassed to share how enormous an effect that one little quote had on me; how it freed me from my mental fear prison, yet it did.

From Lorrie Moore, author and professor, via a widely quoted interview in Elle Magazine

“Compared with her students, who are often still deeply involved with their parents, Moore says she had a more formal, old-fashioned relationship with hers—which helped her make the “romantic and bloody-minded” decision to commit wholly to her art when she started writing seriously in college. (“The only really good piece of advice I have for my students is, `Write something you’d never show your mother or father.‘ And you know what they say?” she says, wide-eyed with disbelief.” `I could never do that!'”).

That’s it. I wasn’t even a college student – I was a full-grown adult with my own kids. There I sat with a pen and paper (okay, computer laptop) on my desk, journals at the side, ready to write about uncomfortable truths. Sexual topics. Surviving sexual abuse, sexual interactions with past lovers, relationships, PTSD, triggers, and other ‘things’ you don’t typically talk to your own parents about.

And I thought: Geez, Rach. You’re forty-fucking years old. Stop thinking about what other people will think (Nonfiction Writing 101: You cannot know what someone else thinks – only what you think). So, I went for it.

You’re an adult. Write like one. 

And with that, I started to write my first memoir/poetry book, Broken Pieces.

Drawer Of Fears

Take a piece of paper (I suggest a page in your journal or in your online notepad). Write down your list of writing fears. Write down everything you’re afraid of, whether it’s based in reality or sounds like something full of magical fairy dust. Whatever it is, write it down. Pages and pages, or three little bullet points. Whatever.

Okay? When you’re done, come on back. Oh, be sure to print out what we’ll call your Page Of Fears.

***

Good, you’re back. Now take that piece of paper with all your fears and put it away in your Drawer of Fears. Make sure that drawer has a lock (or needs a password). Physically give them a kiss, and tell them goodbye.

Don’t worry! They’ll still be there. You can visit them anytime you want to. However, for now, I want you to know that you have cleared them from your mind and body. Kinda like burning sage but without the burning. Or the sage.

Writers cannot write around clutter. It’s a known fact.

Let Go Of Your Perfection Fears

Your first draft is where you start. Your first draft of whatever it is that you want to write. You may not even know and that’s okay.

This stumped me at first. And when I say stumped, I mean I did not move from the doing anything about with my writing stage for years. Where do I start? How do I structure my writing? Don’t professional writers have official outlines and plots and characters with histories and plots all devised, etc? Well, sure, some do. However, some don’t. Plotters vs. Pantsers, etc.

This entire thought process alone sent me into Analysis Paralysis. What’s the right way?

As a creative nonfiction writer, I didn’t know how I wanted to format my writing. I did kinda sorta know my thematic structure (which, by the way, completely changed after my first developmental edit) – I also knew I planned to work with a structural (aka, developmental) editor, so I took that fear (see point number two) of how to make it “perfect” in the end, put that in my Drawer of Fear, and wrote what I refer to as my word vomit.

Just Start Writing

Nobody will see what you are writing unless you want them to. I repeat: nobody will see what you’re writing unless you want them to. It could take you a month, a year, or several years before you reach the point where your writing is in publishable condition.

Your ‘shitty first draft’ needs to be free-flowing, non-self-edited crapadoodle. You hear me, you little perfectionistic drones? Give yourself permission to purge your words. 

It doesn’t have to be good. It doesn’t have to make any sense which, honestly, is why journaling is so great. It’s a wonderful mental purge and can be a great stepping-off point to your writing. (Need help getting started? Visit the fabulous Leigh Shulman. She’s got a free plan for you.)

Your first draft is not even your dress-rehearsal. It’s more like…practice. It’s just a draft. It could take 30 or 50 or 100 or 300 drafts before it becomes a book.

Then you keep at it. Writing isn’t a walk in the park. It’s work. It’s a job. It’s a career if you decide to make it one and you’re good at it. And you work hard to become a better writer. Whether you believe in the 10,000 hours concept or the old ‘How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice,’ joke – either way, the only way to become a better writer is to learn how to become a better writer.

How did I get better? Even though I took a number of classes growing up (in high school and college), I didn’t feel that prepared me for how I wanted to write now. So, I read a ton of creative nonfiction books (some of my favorites are below) in the style that appealed to me. I took online classes that helped me improve my writing. I went to readings by writers I admired (most are free or cost the price of the book).

I continued journaling (as I had been since I was a kid). And I continued writing – all kinds of stuff – articles, short stories, poetry, ideas for articles, short stories, and poems. And I began blogging (in 2008). Blogging absolutely makes you a better writer and I’ll fight anybody who says otherwise. Rawr.

Investing in myself helped me get over my fears. To face my fears. To crush my fears.

Don’t Forget About Your Fears Completely

Everything I mentioned above took time. Just about every writer I’ve ever met wants their first book to be a massive bestseller right away, pay off all their bills with the royalties, sit on Oprah’s couch because of it, and have everyone reading it on the train a la Fifty Shades.

That’s all great. How are you going to make that happen?

Have realistic expectations. Have a plan. Write the most fantastic, professional book you can. Figure out what you don’t know about not only writing but also marketing and publishing, and then learn.

Above anything else, deal with your fears. They’ll still be in that drawer, waiting for you. Just like trauma, your fears don’t magically disappear because you’ve set them aside. They’ll pop up like that whack-a-mole game, except now you’ll have experience and time to hit them back with.

And yet…I don’t recommend hitting your fears back like an enemy. Change that paradigm. Make friends with them. How can your fears help you? What is it about a specific fear that’s got you so wound up?

Sometimes, it’s what we fear most that motivates us.

Just as I discuss how I made friends with Shame in my fourth book, Broken Places, do the same with your Page of Fears. Make your fear work for you so you can become the writer you want to be. You’ve lived through so much, writer friends! You can absolutely write about it.

I know you have it in you.

  Here is a list of my personal favorite creative nonfiction books (disclosure: affiliate links provided).* I also recommend reading short stories by Raymond Carver. He’s a master storyteller.

*Note: These are not books about writing creative nonfiction. That’s a future post.

Calypso by David Sedaris

Night by Elie Wiesel

First, We Make The Beast Beautiful: A New Journey Through Anxiety by Sarah Wilson

Cathedral by Raymond Carver

The Liar’s Club by Mary Karr

The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls

The post How To Crush Your Writing Fears Right Now appeared first on Rachel Thompson.

via Rachel Thompson

Like... a bunch of questions.

I’m answering most of them super abruptly, because there’s so many. I apologize in advance x-x

From @morrigans-ink-0124:

What are your current writing goals?

Finalize Pearl, get it to an editor, and then publish it. 

When did you first discover your love of writing?

As a small child writing Nancy Drew fanfic.

What motivates you to keep writing?

I’m a writer. I would die if I didn’t write. (This sounds over-dramatic, but it’s pulled me through a lot of my depressive episodes, and I don’t know what I’d do without it.)

How important is world building for your writing? (For example, do you need to have your world completely established & mapped out before you can start writing? Or, do you not need a set world/environment in order to write your story?)

I usually have the world building first and form my plot and characters around it.

Pen on paper, or typing everything up in a word doc of some sort?

Always typed up. Dyslexia is not good for transferring paper to computer.

Favourite author?

Rick Riorden, Terry Pratchett, Leigh Bardugo, some others I can’t think of right now...

Something you do to get the creative juices flowing to start writing? (music, atmosphere, a particular article of clothing or lack there of…I mean what? I don’t do that. Ahem.)

I just write. Creativity is for armatures.

Do you write better at night, or first thing in the morning?

Any time I’m awake, honestly. So right in the middle of the day.

How do you take your coffee/tea? (And if you don’t drink coffee/tea, how do you even function? Weirdo.)

Black.

You have to spend the rest of your life with only one season, which one do you choose and why?

That moment right between summer and fall, when it’s still warm but the nights are nippy.

From @raiswanson, excluding questions I already answered:

2. What’s your favorite genre? (for writing or reading) Is there a particular aspect that draws you to it?

The punk aesthetic, but the fantasy feel.

3. How many projects do you have? Are they connected, or do they stand apart from one another?

Four projects, none connected in any way.

4. Do you have a favorite “type” of main character to write with?

Nope! Each of my main characters seem to be created by my subconscious trying not to write the same main character as last time...

5. What kind of scenes do you enjoy writing the most? Do you find them harder or easier to write?

Bittersweet emotional scenes 8D

6. What tends to come first when you start a story, characters, world, or plot? A combination of two? Or do they all come as a package deal?

The wold or the characters. (But if it’s the characters they always come with a world.)

7. How much do you know about the worlds you create? Do you plan put everything down to the finest detail, or make it up on the fly as it becomes relevant?

I know nothing, but the details all exists already. It’s a paradox. 

8. What kind of characters do you usually have front and center? Humans? Elves? Aliens? Dragons? Dogs? Sentient trees? (if you primarily write non-fic, what kind of job/station in life do your characters usually have?)

It’s pretty mixed between humans and non-human sentient humanoids.

9. If you could pick one OC to drag out into the real world with you, who would you pick and why?

Dejean.

10. What is your current project? Tell us about it!

Pearl! 

From @summerkiska, excluding questions I already answered:

1. What’s a line in your current WIP that you’re proud of (or just like a lot)?

How about this one I’m posting soon for Pearl: “Within his chest, his heart pounds a frantic rhythm. A heart so near, so vulnerable, I could rip it free between beats.”

2. What’s a question that you wish people would ask you about your writing? (And what’s the answer??)

Not particularly.

3. What’s your favorite part of the writing process?

The first draft! Anything goes and there’s no pressure =D

4. What song best fits the theme of your WIP main character? (And why?)

Vasha’s is King by Lauren Aquilina

5. What habits or rituals do you have for writing sessions?

Having a goal to get to and completing it before I move onto other things.

6. What’s one piece of advice you wish you were given when you first started your writing journey?

Don’t listen to any writing advice unless you can figure out for yourself why it works for your story.

7. Who was your first book character crush? (Or if you can’t remember, who’s your favorite book character crush?)

I don’t crush on fictional characters? I’m weird, I guess.

8. What’s one of your writing pet peeves?

EXCESSIVE ELLIPSIS (@byjillianmaria knows this)

9. Who’s your favorite character in fiction that you loved to hate?

Any version of Loki ever.

10. What are you currently trying to work on when it comes to growing as a writer? (And how’s it going??)

Outlining solid plots before I start writing. (I’m not sure yet, I’m still in the outlining phase...)

From @my-words-are-light:

What do you look for in picking out stories?

Something I enjoy reading?

What fads rub you the wrong way in contemporary novels?

Basically every YA trope ever.

Have you ever made a character who was your hero?

Nah, my characters are all idiots and most of them wouldn’t know what morals were if you hit them over the head with ‘em.

Why did you make your favourite character?

Their dad appeared in my head one day because he liked a song, and then Vasha swooned over their dad, so I made them... (I can explain in more detail but I promise this is as much sense as it makes.)

What’s the pettiest reason for a decision you’ve made in planning or writing?

I’m about to write a sci fi novella purely because I hated both Zenith and Valarian and the city of a thousand planets, so that probably.

Who are your fictional role models for your characters?

I don’t have any?

What makes a good romantic subplot, or romance?

Me actually shipping the damn characters for once.

Do you actually enjoy killing your characters like lemmings and, if so, should I wash my hands before shaking yours?

I refuse to kill any of my characters unless it’s the only direction the story could possibly go.

Have you ever had Tim Tams?

Nope.

What do you hope people take away from your writing? A grand message? Invigoration? Maybe even just a chuckle or two?

Laughter and tears. I want to make them feel things.

From @theguildedtypewriter, excluding questions I already answered:

What character pisses you off the most?

ILYA DAMMIT. (I love him, but he fucks everything up, the trash child.)

Which scene do you think will make people cry, or laugh?

I know for a fact that over half my readers cried during a certain scene in TWLC.

What’s your worst writing habit?

There are narrator no emotions in the first draft! And if there are, then every emotion is a feeling in the stomach or the chest! 

Do you follow your outline?

More or less. I write hit all the major points but mix things up on a scene level.

Which character makes you laugh the most?

I don’t laugh. I just cringe.

Do you like a good love story?

A good one yes. Good love stories are hard to find.

Do you like a good horror story?

Horror for the sake of horror isn’t my thing, but I like a good story with horror elements. 

What trope/stereotype is your least favorite?

Literally all the ones popular in YA fiction.

What fairy tale is your favorite?

Beauty and the beast.

From @inkspll, excluding questions I already answered:

Where is your favorite place to write?

I don’t really have one? Anywhere quiet honestly.

What is your least favorite part to write?

Those damn emotions.

Are you a “kill all the characters you love” Kind of writer or a “ Everyone deserves a redemption arc” Kind of writer?

Neither. I give my villains a chance to redeem themselves and they make the choice themselves. 

What’s a recurring trait in your stories and/or characters?

I don’t know if there is one? A lot of my characters are morally grey though, and diversity is a big deal.

From the characters you’ve created who is your least favorite?

Least favorite characters generally mean not-fleshed-out-enough characters. Suuki was my least favorite for a lot of drafts because her character was very bland originally.

What word do you use too much when writing?

Soft.

Do you write outlines and plan things out before you write?

Yup!

Favorite story idea you never got to write?

I write down all my favorites in case I ever want to write them someday, and I don’t cross any of them out ;)

From @rebeckaomalleywriter, excluding questions I already answered:

How do you feel about midnight epiphanies?

I don’t often get them, because I’m asleep xP

Did any of your characters ever materialize in your mind with no prompting?

The better question to ask is: have any of them not appeared that way?

What is the most surprising thing one of your characters has done that you weren’t planning?

I was pretty surprised when Perle caught the blood dripping form the ceiling in their mouth in the second page of Pearl. I hadn’t know who they were as a character when I started writing and that really set the ton of who they were.

Do you listen to music while you’re writing?

Always.

Do you snack while you’re writing?

Not generally.

Do you consider reading to be an important past time for a writer?

Yes, but I think consumption of all kinds of stories is incredibly useful, so you don’t need to be reading very many books as long as you’re analyzing stories of some kind on a regular basis.

How many completed works, and WIPs do you have under your belt currently?

Completed...? (I have the Marshmallow Aesthetic.)

Which of your characters has the most tragic backstory?

Kleos and Kian both have very tragic backstories which they didn’t deserve in the slightest.

Which has the happiest?

No one has an incredibly happy backstory... I suppose Simone’s was pretty normal, and considering how things could have gone, Vasha, Ilya, and Suuki all had a nice childhoods. 

Sasha Alsberg and Lindsay Cummings’ Zenith Is a Space Adventure With a Familiar Story and Tropes

I have given Zenith by Sasha Alsberg and Lindsay Cummings a ☆☆☆ rating. It is Book 1 of The Androma Saga series. It is Young Adult Science Fiction with some Space Opera and Romance. Harlequin Teen publishes it. It will be published January 16, 2018.

The synopsis reads:

Most know Androma Racella as the Bloody Baroness, a powerful mercenary whose reign of terror stretches across the Mirabel Galaxy. To those aboard her glass starship, Marauder, however, she's just Andi, their friend and fearless leader. But when a routine mission goes awry, the Marauder's all-girl crew is tested as they find themselves in a treacherous situation and at the mercy of a sadistic bounty hunter from Andi's past. Meanwhile, across the galaxy, a ruthless ruler waits in the shadows of the planet Xen Ptera, biding her time to exact revenge for the destruction of her people. The pieces of her deadly plan are about to fall into place, unleashing a plot that will tear Mirabel in two. Andi and her crew embark on a dangerous, soul-testing journey that could restore order to their shipor just as easily start a war that will devour worlds. As the Marauder hurtles toward the unknown, and Mirabel hangs in the balance, the only certainty is that in a galaxy run on lies and illusion, no one can be trusted.

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I haven’t been this early for a review in a really long time but I was super excited to read Zenith ever since I received it. I’ve always loved space stories because if I wasn’t a writer, I’d love to be an astronaut. Or marine biologist. Or historian. Maybe librarian. You get the gist, I love to be a lot of things.

But, you’re in for a wild ride with Zenith. You either love it or hate it.

I haven’t written a review this long in a while so bear with me.

As always, my reviews may contain spoilers. I say may because what’s a spoiler to you may not be a spoiler for me.

Oh boy, is this a difficult one for me to review. My review process is this: I finish a book, I sit on it for a few days and then head over to Goodreads to get a refresher. Usually, it’s a good thing because it reminds me of things I want to mention but have forgotten. But with Zenith, it opened a massive can of worms I wish I had never seen.

Initially, Zenith was going to be one of my 4-star rating books. It turns out, I’m the perfect audience for it. I love damaged and fucked-up characters falling in love and I love all the drama. I went into Zenith expecting a soap opera/drama and I got it.

But after reading Goodreads and learning all I can about the background of this book, it’s dropped to a 3-stars. I don’t hate it. Zenith is not a bad book but it’s not good either. Did it blow me away? No. But, hell it was entertaining.

So, this review will be different than normal and split into 2 parts: first impressions and after goodreads.

F I R S T  I M P R E S S I O N S

I have never read a space opera before. I even had to Google what the genre is all about. And I loved what I found. As you probably know, I am a massive fan of Defy the Stars by Claudia Gray and until another mindblowing book comes along, that’s what I recommend whenever anyone asks me. And I expected Zenith to be something similar but more, for lack of a better term, extra.

And I loved it. I couldn’t put it down. It kept me up late at night and my eyes are probably rotten because I keep reading in the dark. I didn’t even realise it was 500 pages (cause my Kindle app doesn’t tell me so). It was dark and it was sensual, the writing clichés which some people might not like, were lyrical and poetic. The imagery spun was stunning.

Plot-wise, Zenith went in a multitude of directions. There’s the Androma, Dex and the Marauders plotline where the former two have to rescue the king’s prisoner son in the treacherous lands of Lord-I-can’t-remember (I’m not good with names here. I can’t even name you anything in Maas’s books because I never remember), but basically, they’re the bad guys. And then there’s the flashbacks (??!!) which are confusing but I just rolled with it. And then, there’s the evil queen of the bad lands who isn’t all that bad (or at least that’s what they want us to think) who wants revenge on the entire solar system for fucking up her kingdom and her parents’ lives and her life.

The Androma, Dex and Marauders line is resolved and then some. But the others just leave big question marks hanging in the air. But then again, Order of the Firsts, guys. It’s always like this because publishers want you coming back for more cause all they care about is the money.

Plus, they are all told in different POVs which can get confusing but it wasn’t a hard switch. It’s such a way of writing in YA that I’m used to it. I wish we could still get by on one voice only. I miss those damned days.

But to me, the characters make a story and I loved the Bloody Baroness. She’s dramatic and always very weepy and conflicted but oh, she’s so attracted to Dex. Let it just be clear that she’s very much like a copy of Celaena/Aelin but without the latter’s depth. She’s got death following her and her crew of pirates wherever they go and she’s torn up about it. Some people have an issue with the fact that she’s called something so vicious but is just a kicked puppy. But come on, this is a trope we’ve all seen before. Move along, shall we?

But, I did find it a little strange that although she hates killing, she kills everyone left, right and center in the name of protecting herself and her crew. Plus, she’s a fugitive.

Really weird and conflicting but at this point, I’m still rolling with it.

Dex is an arrogant prick. And while it’s my favourite trope when it comes to YA heroes, they usually come with some redeeming qualities. Dex has none. In fact, I’d say that I didn’t like Dex at all. He’s the perfect example of how not to write a YA hero.

And, the romance between Androma and Dex seemed incredibly forced. No chemistry. Just loads of trying-really-hard-to-create-UST.

The rest of the characters in Zenith sort of fade into the background. There are the Marauders which are very Six of Crows-esque, and the evil queen, Nor and there’s Valen, the prince they’re supposed to rescue. And a robot named Alfie that reminds me of Defy the Stars.

While Zenith attempts to fashion a unique space world, it feels too much like Guardians of the Galaxy and that bothered me about the worldbuilding. It didn’t feel utterly unique (unlike Defy the Stars. You can’t stop my love) and the entire time, all I could imagine was Peter Quill’s ship flying across the Guardians of the Galaxy space ala the movies. While there are references to unique “alien” features for example, in the pilot, Lira who has scaly skin that can heat until it burns her clothes off and it’s controlled by her emotions, nothing is taken a step further and explained.

And space opera and science-fiction are known for being detail-oriented.

But I still loved it. In all it’s campy, trying really hard glory. I thought it was a great first attempt and couldn’t wait for me.

A F T E R  G O O D R E A D S

And then, I looked at Goodreads.

I was confused by all the awful ratings. And it spiralled from there.

It turns out Sasha Alsberg is a notoriously famous booktuber (I wouldn’t know. I don’t booktube) and people are concerned that this book being published is because of her connections to the higher ups.

But more than that, the editor tied to Zenith is notorious for having published The Black Witch. Which is a plague on the YA community. I don’t understand how….how could anyone have let that racist crap slide.

And it was only after this that I realised what I had thought to be extra, dramatic and campy writing ala soap opera style was just bad writing. In fact, one reason why I loved the writing so much was because it’s the same time of exaggerated and flowery writing that fanfiction writers love (and readers like me eat it up).

Plus, it tried too hard to replicate the success of Throne of Glass and Six of Crows, perhaps in the hope of becoming the next big thing. It’s basically fanfiction set in space, guys. While I am the type of market this book is targeted towards, meaning that I love my tropes, it’s just laughable. There are tons of books out there like TOG and SOC but they’re all unique in their own way. I’ve even managed to reference Defy the Stars more than once!

Not to mention, Androma has red.hair. Who else has fiery red hair? You tell me. Hint, I’ve mentioned the name several times in this review. Not a fan of self-inserts.

Also, I am not a fan of celebrity books and have yet to purchase/read one. While other writers struggle and work their butts off to even get noticed, celebrities get special treatment because they already have a fan base in place.

While I am still looking forward to see where both authors are going to take Zenith, I wait with all these thoughts in my mind. In film classes, we are taught that the author is not separate from his work (and I did a lovely paper on Alfred Hitchcock which I loved) and it’s true in this case.

I’m afraid that Sasha’s reputation has coloured not just my opinion, but the opinion of many other readers out there.

While Zenith is not bad, it’s not great either. I can’t shout about it from the rooftops. For one, it reads too much like fanfiction (and we all know the kind of fanfiction turn book that has hit the market these days) and secondly, it needs a shitload more work before it’s public-worthy. Zenith has great potential. It just needs a lot more polishing, preferably throwing the entire draft away and writing it fresh. And perhaps, Sasha should consider a pen name.

Thank you to Edelweiss and the publisher for providing me with an ARC copy in exchange for an honest review. This review edition may differ from the final edition.

I was tagged by @humandisasterbuckybarnes (I totally didn’t even notice at first because I’ve been away from Tumblr, sorrryyyy!)

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

OOH. Well. This actually goes back a long way! The ‘tott’ part of TottWriter is really an acronym for the title of a series of fantasy novels I started writing in my teens. (They’ve undergone a lot of revisions since then.) I picked TotTWriter as a username when I joined a forum in 2006 because it summed up how I saw myself at that time, and it just sorta...stuck. As for what the acronym actually is? Gotta wait and see. 

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

Ohgosh. Well, I think that one’s gotta be my Digimon fic Hope’s Fire, on pretty much all fronts. It’s my oldest, longest fic, and it’s posted on both Ao3 and ff, so it’s had plenty of time to accrue attention. 

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

My Ao3 icon is a picture of a pen and paper roleplaying character I rolled a few years ago. (And was drawn by @iddstar, not me, because I am Not An Artist and Vic very much is.)

After finishing this I’m dropping the rest of it beneath a readmore, because it got a teensy bit long, and I complain bitterly if these hog my own dash.)

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

You know, I feel bad talking about regular commenters, given how irregularly I actually manage to post anything these days. I feel like it’s more appropriate for me to grovel and thank those people who have stuck with me this long. (I’m particularly grateful to @ittybittymattycommittee​ because it has been A While. You’re wonderful.)

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

I’m...I mean, there isn’t really a particular one? I have a few which I’ve read multiple times, but I tend to read the really long fics, which make regular re-reads a bit trickier. I absolutely want to go back over fics I’ve loved and enjoyed and experience that again, but it’s tricky when they take so long, and I have so little time. 

...Actually, probably my most re-read fic is a YoI one called Rumble In Detroit. It’s a goddamn masterpiece which appeals exactly to my sense of humour. (Also only 6.4k, so totally readable in one go if you’re me.)

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

I’m really bad at bookmarking. I’ll read a fic, think, “This was awesome!” and then just...forget to bookmark it and pull my hair out later wondering what the hell it was. I scroll through my history to find stuff entirely too often. I have 53 bookmarked fics, and it should be way more. 

Conversely, I am very prone to hitting that subscribe button. I have ten pages of the dratted things apparently, and okay, some of those are now completed fics, but...every now and then I get an update notification and can’t remember what the actual fic was. 

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

...I mean, angsty ones? I don’t really have a preferred setting tbh, although more often than not there is something fantastical about what I write. Generally with my fanfiction I try to mix things up a lot more than my original fic. I make a point of trying to do as many different types of story as I can. Statistically though, Apocalypse/Dystopia scenarios and (surprisingly!) Soulmate AUs work out as the most common though. 

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

25 brave souls have signed up for my infrequent update notifications (bless all of you), and the stats page shows me as having 201 bookmarks. 

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

I mean, I’m pretty sure people judge me for what I already write. I’ve got fics tagged with MCD, after all, and I’m probably straying into shipping wars with at least one of my stories. I’m plenty nervous about the reaction people will have to the end of some of my fics, but I figure...ehh. I write these stories because I love them, and I share them because someone out there is bound to find them passable. 

The only thing I won’t write under this name is explicit NSFW stuff, which is because, hey, I’m hoping to get YA fiction published someday, you know? I don’t want an underage reader looking my name up (see question 1 for why they might know it) and finding something like that.

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

It’s funny, because this is something I technically am better at than I used to be in years past, but the main thing is actually sitting down and writing more regularly. Despite appearances, I’ve actually written a lot of fanfic recently (Secret Santas mostly), but I could have done more than that if I’d been able to manage my time better. Also if Life hadn’t come along to mess up my day, but, hey. Go figure.

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

I guess it’s a bit of both? I never used to set out to write ships at all, because for me, relationships are secondary to plot when writing, but they do seem to happen more than they used to. I’m a big multishipper though so I like to mix it up.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

I have 33 works on Ao3 in total. Of those...some are oneshots, 12 are in-progress multichapter fics and...um...one is a complete multichapter fic. Whoops.

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

*coughs and moves on*

For real though, I posted about this recently and it’s...including original fiction, we’re talking more than thirty, possibly over 40 by now. I very deliberately don’t keep track.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

It’s a bit of both really. Sometimes I get an idea, and it’s too fragmentary to really do anything with, so I just sorta leave it in my head to fester and ferment. If I forget it, it probably wasn’t worth saving, but if it gets to the mindworm stage I write it down in my nearest notebook at the time and expand on it a bit.

...If it’s a really fun idea, I then track down that notebook later on and copy it out onto the computer where I can actually find it again.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Not for yeeeears! My sister and I started co-authoring a story back when we were teenagers, but we never actually finished the project. I really enjoyed collaborating though - it’s fun to combine forces and see what each person brings to the table!

16. How did you discover AO3?

I honestly cannot remember.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

Hahahahaha...no. It’s okay though, I’m not doing this for fame or attention. I just get these stories in my head and the only way to remove them is to write them out.

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

I don’t! I...honestly can’t think of a name, tbh. Names are my nemesis, why would I add more to my life?

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

WELL. 

I’ve been writing stories for as long as I can remember. Probably since I was 6 or 7 (I can remember stapling paper together at school to make a “book” to write in). Probably I was doomed from the start, but the works of Tamora Pierce, Brian Jacques, Tolkien, John Wyndham and Sir Terry Pratchett are what shaped me from my teens onward. Those are the books I read which make me want to write my own. 

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Look, it’s really tempting I know, but don’t share online just yet. If you’re just starting out, you really are far better off keeping your work between you and trusted friends. I always look back and marvel at how damn lucky I am not to have had regular internet access until I was 18.  

You see, it meant that all my early stories - from when I was figuring out who I was as a writer, and how I wanted to write - are tucked safely away where no one can shit on them. And people do. Not everyone of course, but some, and those first few years as a writer are the most fragile.

Every author builds up a thick skin over time, because trolls are gonna troll. But it’s hard, when you work on something and do your best, and someone leaves a shitty comment about it. To my mind, the most important thing you can do as a beginner is to shield yourself from that nonsense until you’ve found your feet. There will be time yet to post your stories. Wait until you can leave it to one side for a week and come back and not despise it. (Some level of “ohgodno” is expected for your own work pretty much forever, but you should at least feel some level of pride in your work first)

...it’s hard and it’s pretty unrewarding at first, I won’t lie. But think about it like this: beginner violinists often sound awful. No one wants to hear that. But if a musician can stick it through; work past the squeaking and the cringe-worthy missed notes... What you end up with is something which can reach right into someone’s heartstrings and leave a permanent impression. 

And that is every bit worth the slog.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

A bit of both! I have at the least a rough outline (sometimes a lot more than that) for almost all my stories before starting, but I generally add to and amend it as I go. 

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

I think maybe once? It really wasn’t too bad though, so I just left it be. I’ve been stupidly lucky with my readers and love all of you.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

I was about to say NSFW stuff, and then I remembered confession scenes, which differ from NSFW in that I actually write those sometimes, and they take approximately five hundred times longer than literally anything else, including the smut which I hate writing so bad I practically never do it. Confession scenes are freaking hard.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

TOO MANY. For real though, I have 3 secret santas, 3/4 active HQ fics, Hope’s Fire, and more which are sorta lurking in semi-activity beyond that. I have zero chill.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

...I mean it’d be great if I could finish an ongoing story, NGL.

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

Nope! I try to stick to one during NaNo, but outside that life just sorta gets in the way too often.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

I mean, the answer is yes either way, but I tend to distinguish the various phases of my writing? age 6-12 was half-arsed writing. Just sorta jotting down stories and not really thinking too much about them. From 13-16 I was so preoccupied with writing and finishing my novel that I didn’t leave room for such trifles as quality control. 16-24/5 was slow but steady improvements. 

At 25 I realised hot damn, I have a lot to learn, and that is the point at which I consider that I started getting better for real.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

You know, it sorta depends? Assuming we’re talking fanfic only (or, sorry, but my novel beats them all), I actually...really like the Trinacrifom series? 

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

It was for a telephone prompt, it’s less than 600 words, nope, I’m not sharing it XD

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

I mean I’d like to say something like “getting paid for it”, but we all know I’m still gonna be here writing fanfic instead of my original work.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

For me it’s actually the ideas! I keep getting them pop into my head.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

…Actually finishing things.

33. Why do you write?

At this point, writing is a little like breathing for me. It’s my identity. It’s who I am. I have so many ideas in my head and the only way to get them out is to write them, so I do. I hope that people enjoy them, certainly, and I want to think my words have an effect of some kind, but ultimately storytelling is hardwired into me and I don’t know how to stop.

Oh! Tagging. Right, after that textwall how about I pass the buck to someone else, hehe. @draculasstrawhat, @lethesomething, @iddstar and @quinnlocke as well as anyone else...if you wanna, you know? (No one’s obligated tho)

New ask game for writers

1. Favorite place to write.

In a room alone on my laptop, however I’ve been poor lately and my laptop is broken, so I’ve been writing on my phone. I come to enjoy writing on my lunch break at work in my car.

2. Favorite part of writing.

It would probably have to be the world building as far as the villain is concerned and showing them off to the reader.

3. Least favorite part of writing.

Being distracted

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals?

Not really. I just do it. I used to have to take a bath and getting my mind working before sitting down are writing.

5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most.

There are things always being added to this list. First off, I’d be amiss to not mention that me having any sort of style is thanks to Micheal Creighton. I was always very creative and good at writing, but in 2009 I had read Next not long earlier and decided to write a story of my own that I am now embarrassed of. 

Anyway, Max Hathorne who writes Kronos Rising was a huge influence. I might not write the same kind of science fiction as him, but the way he approaches things, including the villains and Kornosaurus/ Kraken inspired me to added scence in the Zoey series that center around the villain, lord Neball. 

Neal Asher’s solid world and character building left me in awe as I read the Transformation series, this has inspired me to do a better job with those aspects. 

George R.R. Martin has inspired me in similar ways, but also to not always be afraid to have to many characters. Sometimes it fits and works best with a series.

6. Favorite character you ever created.

Oh damn, that is a loaded question. On one hand I’ve got a character named Haley who is extremely depressed, abused and also has a lot of anxiety and some addictions. I don’t think a depressed character has been written to this extreme in a novel, at least that I can remember.

Zoey, is my first love obviously. She is the title character to the first series I ever started creating. The title character to an absolutely massive series. There is reason enough in that for her to be my favorite.

Randy would have to have a place high up on this list because he is the main hero for most of the Zoey series, I can’t give away why he isn’t actually. Though I highly enjoy his personality despite his life threatening flaws.

Hollie is a character in the Zoey series that comes in much later, but I quite enjoy her as well.

I also have a soft spot of a character named Eric in a store that is very nearly ready to be written, Let it Die. He’s the main.

7. Favorite author.

Micheal Creighton

8. Favorite trope to write.

I don’t feel I have one. Though sometimes I’ll be writing a scene and one will pop into mind and I’ll have to insert it somewhere.

9. Least favorite trope to write.

Again, I don’t have one. I don’t go out of my way, they just pop into mind.

10. Pick a writer to co-write a book with and tell us what you’d write about.

Neal Asher would probably be my number one, especially since Creighton couldn’t happen. Obviously it would have to be a book that takes place in space. I think I might show him the small outline I have for a novel I have currently named Collapsing Universe.

11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

It depends. The Zoey series is a terrible example. For them, I really only do the plot of the novel, write down a description by chapter, sometimes it has to be tweaked during the writing process. It also isn’t very long. For a series that is typically 200 to 300 thousand words a book, the outline might stretch twenty pages. In comparison Cruel World has over ten pages for it’s outline and I don’t think it will hit sixty thousand words. Let It Die, a novel I haven’t put much pen to paper for, so to speak, I started with writing down a description for it. Then I detailed it out more with a chapter by chapter outline. Then I went and read through it many, many times and added on. The outline is over twenty pages for what will be a typical sized novel, 90 to 100 thousand words. Next is to do character details, though I will probably read through the outline before and after this step. Then I will start fleshing out the manuscript. After I finish that, I will read it and edit, read it and edit, read it and edit. (I’m a perfectionist.) Then I’ll have others read it and edit it from there. Then I’ll read it and edit it. Hopefully get a publisher behind it at this point.

12. How do you deal with self-doubts?

I honestly try to ignore them. If I can’t I will actually read chapters that are about Lord Neball from the Zoey series. It’s still my favorite writing that I’ve ever done.

13. How do you deal with writers block?

Sometimes I will actually step back for a few days or a week or two and just read other peoples work. If nothing else it might inspire me to continue or give me a new idea.

14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book?

Zoey. I have probably put in three days worth of research just with the first novel which has gone through peer revision and now overhaul inspired by Martin and Asher. I’ve probably put in another twelve plus for the second book which sits at a thrid of the way done.

15. Where does your inspiration come from?

The desire to write. The desire to have someone read my work. To have someone say they got lost in the book and couldn’t put it down. I don’t care about fame or fortune. Right now I make roughly 2,000 dollars a month, if writing started doing that steadily, I’d quite my job and be happy with that for the rest of my life.

16. Where do you take your motivation from?

Reading. Either what others have published or what I have written.

17. On avarage, how much writing do you get done in a day?

I typically write about a thousand words. In a week it could be about ten thousand.

18. What’s your revision or rewriting process like?

Hell. I’ll want so desperately to be done, but I go through my manuscripts over and over until I feel like it flows well enough and moves at the right pace, and everything else enough to share with others.

19. First line of a WIP you’re working on.

Haley lays under her covers in her room which is somewhere around seventy nine degrees. The only thing that is good in her opinion. She however is not sleeping peacefully. Laying on her side, her body is struggling with something that is not just in her head. 

That is the first paragraph for Cruel world. The first line isn’t the most exciting, but I think the paragraph sets it up well.

   20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.

This one I must preface. Lord Neball has finally turned on those that thought of her as a slave and this scene has her with the leader, the one who had been keeping her as a slave until her evil side awoken. I love this because leading up to this you have seen how, sick, vile, twisted, and depraved Neball can be.

"This time, I'll let you finish," she whispers into his ear. True to her words she squeezes him as tightly as she can and feels him begin to finish inside her. Aliessense lifts herself back up to a sitting position on top of him. "I am no longer, Aliessense," she breaths fire through her hate filled words and Dalient opens his eyes. The most fearful expression crosses his face that she has ever seen, as he looks up at her. "I am Lord Neball," she bellows at him. I am Death, Dalient thinks. A blinding light fills the room and the last word is stuck on repeat. Death is what the word Neball means in their language. After a moment, the light disappears, along with his head. That is one wound Dalient will not suffer through.

21. Post the last sentence you wrote in one of your WIP’s.

This is from Zoey: The Intergalactic Fighting Tournament (Second book). She is having a real tough time of things as of late and is about to figure out why, but that is actually in the next paragraph. It’s a very huge why.

"I know you are. I am far from angry with you. I'm worried. Admittedly I am afraid. Zoey, please, don't be afraid to tell me what is going on, if you have anything at all that you are hiding." Randy tells her, wrapping his arms around her. Not so oddly Zoey now feels safer and more relieved.

22. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied and a project is ultimately done for you?

It depends. I can see Cruel World getting one or two drafts. Zoey, as longer books, I can see as many as five or six... or seven.

23. Single or multi POV, and why?

Cruel World is for the most part single, until the end of the second to last chapter and the final chapter. Zoey will end up having had ten plus. Let it Die, two or three. Departure is the first book in my Argoes series of four books. It will have one predominate one and maybe two or three others throughout.

24. Poetry or prose, and why?

I’m going to say neither, but I do do poetry, mostly from a dark place.

25. Linear or non-linear, and why?

I prefer linear, but sometime there might be so story lines slightly further along, thinking from Zoey. I don’t really use non-linear though.

26. Standalone or series, and why?

Both. Though I have more love for the stories that are a series.

27. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished? 

I don’t like to share until I’ve gutted my work with a chef’s knife.

28. And who do you share them with?

People who like to read. I don’t really know to many other authors.

29. Who do you write for?

Me

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written. I like the lines that shatter either the readers mind or a character, though I can’t exactly think of a favorite line.

31. Hardest character to write.

Haley

32. Easiest character to write.

Zoey. She flows so well.

33. Do you listen to music when you’re writing?

Yes. Mostly Black Metal, but sometimes if something fits well, I’l switch it up for the scene.

34. Handwritten notes or typed notes?

Typed

35. Tell some backstory details about one of your characters in your story ________.

I can’t give away much about Zoey without revealing the entire mystery of the series.

Randy is not human. He is a species called Avant. He isn’t the most powerful Avant to ever exist. He actually isn’t even one of the most powerful warriors in the universe currently, but he is the most powerful protaginist in the series.

36. A spoiler for Zoey.

Zoey is a key to a lot of things. Much more than just say Randy’s hidden power. Far more significant things. Let’s just say that a certain creature that is bored and spans the multiverse more than knows of her.

37. Most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

”If you don’t have time to read, you don’t have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.” - Stephen King

38. Have you shared your outline of your story Depature (book one of Argoes) with someone? If so, what did they think of it?

My girlfriend. She liked it, but I had to overhaul half of the opening part of the book. She doesn’t really like love stories and it had a small one. Though I never wanted that to be much of the book. So it works better without it.

39. Do you base your characters of real people or not? If so, tell us about one.

I have done so with one, but that was it. The character Grant Stewart in the Zoey series is based off a friend of mine.

40. Original Fiction or Fanfiction, and why?

Original Fiction. It’s more satisfying to create your own characters and world.

41. How many stories do you work on at one time?

I have been writing both Cruel World and Zoey this year, but more so Zoey for the last month.

42. How do you figure out your characters looks, personality, etc.

A lot of thinking and looking around. I have started trying to use the profile sheets that pop up on here to see how that works.

43. Are you an avid reader?

Yes, but I haven’t read a book in the last few weeks. Not since I finished Infinity Engine by Neal Asher.

44. Best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

Probably that my characters in Zoey are so exciting and relatable. I was told by a beta that they were excited for what was coming next while they read my original “final” draft of Zoey The Avant Rises.

45. Worst piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

Hmm. not sure I remember. Anything that isn’t helpful I tend to forget about.

46. What would your story Zoey look like as a tv show or movie? 

Probably similar to The Expanse or Defiance, but with more fighting and more time spent on Earth than there is with the Expanse. Also a lot more school settings at least at first. After the first few seasons, because a movie would be impossible. It wouldn’t have much for school scenes.

47. Do you start with characters or plot when working on a new story?

Plot. The main character comes with that usually and I flesh out a outline with them and add characters from there and expand on the outline. Somewhere in there I usually get a story name.

48. Favorite genre to write in.

Science Fiction. Zoey, Argoes, Collapsing Universe are stories, the first two being series that I am working on or planning out that are Science Fiction.

49. What do you find the hardest to write in a story, the beginning, the middle or the end?

The beginning. except for Zoey, most everything comes pretty easy with the series, at least so far.

50. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had.

I once seriously considered one from a dream I had. There was a staircase that went all the way down to “hell” and there were wicked creatures at the bottom of the mile upon mile long staircase. (sounds like a Stephen King book)

51. Describe the aesthetic of your story Cruel World in 5 sentences or words.

Oppressively depressing and dark.

52. How did writing change you?

I have an obsession now. I also imagine far more then I should in my daily life. It gets me in trouble sometimes.

53. What does writing mean to you?

Everything. I can’t live without it now. Nowhere to jot down my ideas and stories would be devastating. 

54. Any writing advice you want to share?

If you can handle going through the worst hell to get your story written then do it. If you can’t torture yourself, then writing isn’t for you. After that we can go from there.

Sooo I have to ask you a question as I am a) completely entranced by your fic and b) attempting to write a monster myself but feel my vocabulary is attenuating with time. How do you stay on top of the incredible construction necessary to plot and write out something so complex? Where does your grasp of the perfect type of vocabulary come from? Do you sell said grasp in tablet form???? T

Howdy! Thanks for dropping me a question! And this is a long-ass answer, because I want to try to explain where I’m coming from. I do that when I mentor, so people I work with understand a bit about my POV. :)

Anyway. I didn’t think “Grounded” was going to go this long. This is the longest thing I have ever written (I have some novels that I published that are around 100K words), but this…it’s insane. But I’m loving it!

In terms of the infrastructure of it all – I’ve been writing fiction professionally for about 10 years. 7 of the novels I’ve published are mystery or sci fi, which required complicated plot structures and I developed an eye for keeping things organized. I also have an academic background and I worked in publishing for years as an editor, so I have a lot of experience developing nonfiction projects that required attention to detail, fact-checking, and ensuring internal consistency. I took what I learned from all of that to fiction writing.

The other part of this is my weird-ass writing process. I have always envisioned the stories I write as movies in my head, so I see and hear the scenes as I write them, like through a camera, which makes me really pay attention to what’s happening. And it probably helped that I was in drama club back in the day and did a lot of acting my own self, so I’m always thinking about how characters express themselves and where they are in a scene, and what a scene looks and feels like and how it “plays,” if you will. Visualization is a key part of my process.

My process thus works in layers. That is, I start out with a few ideas, but no clear way of how to get from point A to B. I approached this project with a vague idea of where I wanted to go, and there were 3 major things I wanted to address: 1) Clarke and Lexa having time to work through some shit before having to deal with each other again (and how their relationship could evolve) 2) Nia as a primary force for opposition and how that plays out in various subplots 3) How the kongeda is both unifier and divider – I’m fascinated with political change and with the show booting Lexa, we never really got to see how the kongeda could play out. After all, it will be Lexa’s legacy, and I wanted to lay some groundwork for that and explore it as a vehicle for not only allowing her to unite people, but ensure that she could be politically in a position to protect Clarke. I loved that about the kongeda, how Lexa encouraged Skaikru to join not just because she saw it as a way to undermine Azgeda, but also to provide a way for Lexa to ensure that she could always be Clarke’s protector, since Skaikru became her people upon entrance. Feelz. So many feelz.

Anyway, in keeping with my weird-ass writing process, I generally don’t have a set idea about how things are going to unfold, which makes it a blast to write, because I, too, am actually discovering it as I go. in terms of this project, I wrote about 60K words before I started posting and about November/December I’ve  had to write as I go – I do about a chapter a week, sometimes more (and I’ve gradually increased the length of my chapters to about 9K words on average) – which forces me to stay present with the project, and keeps it fresh in my head, so that all the twists and turns and intrigue and things that are happening are constantly in the front of my mind, and I literally mull them during the day and consider different ways they can play out, and what effects certain actions are going to have, logically, within the overall plot and character arcs.

So. Short answer: I write on this every day, which forces me to constantly think about it and where it’s going/where it’s been. That way, I don’t lose sight of what’s happening. I will reference earlier parts of it to make sure I’m maintaining accuracy within headcanon/canon if something doesn’t feel right. And I’m always thinking about 1) what will be the results of every scene I write (whether something to push a plot or character development or both) and 2) are the things leading up to each scene logical within plot and character? My academic background is in history and anthropology, so I’m always thinking about cause/effect/correlation, which helps when thinking about involved plots like this. What in scene A could cause something in scene B or in a scene later on? Like that.

VOCAB: hell, I guess I’m just lucky! I spend a lot of time with certain scenes trying to figure out what the best way to say something is, and what types of words are correct and convey/evoke what I’m trying to do (dictionaries and thesauruses!). I have some journalism training, which helps me see writing in different ways, and to pare down adjectives/adverbs that can clutter up writing (oldie but goodie link here). Word choice is also tied to pacing. If, for example, you’re writing a fast-paced scene, you want shorter sentences, with harder-hitting, blunt words. An intimate scene requires different language and pacing, to match the mood you’re trying to convey. And word choice is tied to characterization. I want my characters to sound different from each other. So I think about that, too, as I write a scene. Again, visualization helps me a lot in this regard.

If I could tablet/app it, I would totally do that for you. :)

Tips that I’ve used while working on this long-ass fic:

1. write or work every day/at least 3-4 times a week on an involved project so you stay present with the plots/characters

2. keep a notebook (whether digital or ol’ skool pen and paper) and write down characters/scenes. One of the things I’ve done in the past is after I write a scene, I’ll make a quick note in a notebook about that scene and when it happened chronologically in relation to the rest of the story.

3. if you have betas who are willing to really critique you, work with them, because they can see things you won’t notice about your writing

Damn. This went on for a while. No surprise, I guess. LOL Thanks for the question and please drop me a line any time for follow-up or to chat or fangirl/fanboy/whatever.

CHEERS!

Something great is coming, I can feel it in my bones

I revisited this blog last night and read through every post. Most of the words that I've penned here are candid and creative, because I could care less what they looked like when they came out. You can always tell when someone is writing for an audience, or if they're writing for themselves - the difference is the source. When you write for an audience, it comes from the head (the ego). But when you write for yourself, it comes from the heart (the soul). The former often reads like too much effort is made crafting the words, with the latter feeling pure and freeform. Even now, I'm struggling to bring myself from my head down to the heart as I write this. "The longest journey you will ever make is from your head to your heart." It was last night that I realized that somewhere along the way, I forgot myself. I used to be a beautiful, soulful, imaginative writer - and at some point - I stopped trying. I shed tears of frustration over this realization because I felt that I had sold out. When I was younger, I had the dream that many writer has - I wanted to write books. I read a lot of fiction and I dreamed that I would have my words published somewhere. And I wanted to be a travel writer - roam around in far off places and get paid writing about it. But then I found out that it's getting more and more challenging to be a published author. And that travel writing is a really tough gig to break. I refused to give up the chase, and went to journalism school, which brought me to another continent. One that was on the other side of the globe to where I grew up, back to the place where I was born. An island surrounded by mountains. There, I learned that business journalism is the most lucrative of all journalistic disciplines. If you can learn to write about the global economy and the stock market, you can earn a decent salary. I bought into it and chose a niche within that arena. And it was really good for a while - after all - I worked with a few startups before I moved to Asia. I loved telling the stories of people that challenged the status quo and created something new. So I wrote about technology and entrepreneurship. It was good for a while. Until one day, it wasn't enough anymore. One day, it started feeling like my work was just a few steps away from the content marketing camp. Helping people promote their businesses and make more money. Is that why I wanted to become a writer in the first place? So I poured myself into freelance work and scored a few big name bylines. That was work I was rather proud of actually. And I tried to write about the important things - food safety, urbanism, and heritage preservation In Vietnam. Topics that would actually inform the public and help people. It was good for a little while. Until it wasn't. Not because it wasn't the work that I wanted to do. Not because it didn't make my heart sing. It did. The problemw as it was really, really hard. A lot of effort for not a whole lot of gain. Freelance journalism is the epitome of pounding the pavement, because it requires you to constantly put yourself out there just to be shot down. And as a creative person, it's tough to do that. You pitch your ideas to editors day in and day out, who either: i) Flat out ignore you, ii) Respond with a cold "no," iii) are kind but say that they simply don't have the freelance budget. And when you finally get a "yes," the feeling is like nothing else. You are validated as a writer. You are getting paid for your art. You've reached the next plateau. But sometimes the editor doesn't respect your art. They slash your article left right and center until it's barely recognizable. It's your name on the work but it has to match their "voice," they say. That's all expected so you don't say a word. And sometimes, the publication doesn't respect you - and you have to spend months chasing down payment for work that you poured your soul into. Still, I am proud of myself for pounding the pavement. And I tried to find full-time work, but the industry is shrinking. There wasn't a place for me in it, even though it may have been what my heart truly wanted. Some days I think maybe I just didn't try hard enough. That I am entitled and that I wasn't willing to shed the blood, sweat, and tears that my fellow journalists gladly gave. I remember what one journalism instructor said to us: "It's not the ones that write well that make it. It's the ones that want it the most that do." Did I not want it badly enough? And there are days that I feel I may have dodged a bullet. That I wouldn't be a fit for the large media organization, having tasted what it was like to chase pageviews and hit publish on yet another listicle. And that the media industry isn't really keeping up with public trust, which should be their number one priority. If you are not serving the public then you should not exist. It's not easy for them, times have changed, and many cannot rise above. The opportunity to tell stories for a reputable and well-funded publication (not everyone can land themselves a billionaire owner that allows the paper to still have their voice) is not on the rise, and yet there are so many talented writers out there. Journalism schools still pump out graduates without properly equipping them for the real world - it's a set up for a lot of disappointment. It isn't easy. I got emotional last night, because I realized that somewhere along the way, I started to believe the lie that I've been telling myself. That you can't really have what you want, and that you can't make money writing about things that are near and dear to your heart. That if it's a competitive and shrinking industry, you should turn and run the other way. That I'll never be as good as the greats out there. And that if it's not coming easily, then it's not meant to be. These are the same lies that I've been repeating to myself, the ones that I started to believe were real. That I was risk-adverse, enjoyed routine, and that I wasn't adventurous. This couldn't be further from the truth, and I'm embracing my emerging wild spirit today. And they are the same lies that a child hears from their parents and teachers when they're too young to know any better - "get your head out of the clouds and stop daydreaming," "you won't make any money doing this so just quit." One day, these lies just become a reality and you forget that you are actually a powerful being that's capable of having whatever it is that you so desire. I awoke to fresh tears again this morning, but they were joyful. It may have had to do with an energetic shift. Our bodies understand what's happening to us much faster than the mind does. I'm certain that it has to do with now being more in tune with what my heart wants - and it's creating a visceral reaction. I'm still plotting the way forward, but I think I have to recalibrate and steer my self back to where I was six months to a year ago. When I was willing to fight tooth and nail to become the writer that I've always wanted to be. And to tell stories that serve others in a deep and meaningful way. It just might not look like the way I originally envisioned it. I might have to get a bit creative and slash my way through the pathless woods to get there. But one thing is for sure - I will follow my heart this time no matter what. Because the cost of believing the lie of the world is just too steep a price to pay.