#I feel like going into a deep analysis about their kind of relationship once I get to the chapters of them meeting
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it's still so funny to me that in the end it was Shiraishi who ended up starting his own country (still waiting for that spin-off...)
#golden kamuy#tsurumi tokushirou#hijikata toshizo#mangacap#ch. 30#inspired by Boutarou the Pirate...#I feel like going into a deep analysis about their kind of relationship once I get to the chapters of them meeting
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WHAT ONCE WAS
SYNOPSIS: Accountability is a bitter pill to swallow, but what hurts more is being forgotten by the one he loves the most. As he rebuilds your relationship once more, Scaramouche has a difficult decision to make: have you live in blissful ignorance or admit the truth and risk everything falling apart again.
TAGS: angst w fluff, happy ending bc I’m not that cruel, major spoilers for the “Inversion of Genesis” interlude archon quest, scaramouche is referred to as “Ena” bc that’s the name I gave him, gn reader, 11.7k word count
NOTES: so this is where I’ve been for the past *checks calendar* three months
Here’s the in-depth explanation and analysis behind this fic if you want to read it afterward!
Watch me post this and then inevitably disappear for a few more 🫡
Scaramouche has been acting strange lately.
He’s been unusually silent like he’s pondering something and staring off into space most of the time. When you ask him about it, he shrugs your questions off and says it’s nothing.
“What’s on your mind, Scara?”
“Nothing. Just… thinking.”
And the conversations always end there. He makes no effort to elaborate and eventually, you stop digging for answers. Other than that, he still acts normally. He still has his sharp tongue and attitude. You still get into your daily fights and scuffles with him over nothing. You’d return home from work and he’d return home from whatever he was doing in the city (something along the lines of community service was what you managed to gather from the bits and pieces of information he told you). In a sense, everything was still the same. His sudden radio silence at times was startling, but nothing ever changed in your relationship as a result of it.
… But really, it’s kind of scary how intensely he zones out sometimes.
Then, everything changes one night.
You’re getting ready for bed with him while he stares out the window as usual. If you follow his line of sight, it leads to the Sanctuary of Surasthana. He’s been oddly fixated on that place lately and you haven’t been able to get an answer as to why.
You take a seat on the bed next to him. There’s a look in his eyes that tells you he’s plotting something- that there’s an idea brewing in his mind.
“Thinking again? What nefarious scheme are you plotting-”
You don’t even get the chance to tease him further before he pulls you into a tight hug. Normally, he’s nowhere near this affectionate, preferring to keep his distance even in your close relationship, but now he’s holding you close as if he’s afraid he’ll lose you otherwise.
“...Scara? Is everything alright?”
“Yeah. I just wanted to give you a hug.”
His soft violet hair tickles your neck and you feel his hands absentmindedly tracing circles around your waist.
“Is there a reason as to why?”
“No. Just felt like it.”
You eye him suspiciously. As soon as it started, he pulls away from the hug and flicks your forehead.
“Go to sleep now. I’ll join you in a bit. Just… let me think for a bit longer.
“I love you.”
He says the last part like it’s nothing. It nearly gives you whiplash and you look at him strangely. He’s really lost his mind this time, hasn’t he? He almost never does that.
“What’re you gaping at me like that for? Go to sleep already.”
He lightly hits you over the head with a pillow before you can say anything else. You roll your eyes and with a huff, roll onto your side until you’re fast asleep within a few minutes.
Scaramouche doesn’t join you as he promised. Instead, he continues to stare out the window at the moon, his gaze occasionally flickering back to your sleeping figure. A rare expression of uncertainty crosses his face as he sinks deep into thought.
Is this really the right decision?
Time stretches out over an eternity. Hours pass and the moon rises higher into the sky. Scaramouche debates with himself, unsure of what to do.
This is a decision I can’t go back from.
Throughout his long life, he’s never been faced with a choice as difficult as this. Neither decision ends well for either of you. Deep down, he knew what the correct answer was, yet he refused to consider it for more than a few seconds.
What would he do if he lost everything all over again?
Time was running out. Scaramouche gets up to leave with his mind made up. Lying to himself wouldn’t do anything and Nahida was waiting for him. He plants a soft kiss on your cheek and stares at you longingly one last time before putting his hat on and heading out the door. It closes behind him with a silent click.
Whatever happens next, happens. He’ll witness the results of his actions tomorrow.
The next morning, you wake up feeling refreshed and your mind clearer than it’s ever been. It feels like you’ve been asleep for a very, very long time and you’ve just woken up.
And instantly, you notice something is off.
There are traces of another person everywhere. From the Inazuman-style clothes hanging in the closet that most definitely aren’t yours to the ink-wash paintings hanging on the wall, it’s evident that someone has influenced your life tremendously.
But who? Your mind is drawing up blanks as to who it could be.
When you get downstairs, it’s even more prominent. A pair of slippers that are too big for you by the stairwell. Books sitting on the bookshelf that after examining their titles and summaries, aren’t to your liking but are still there anyway. Traditional Inazuman sandals and shoes are lined up next to yours by the front door. None of it matches the vibe of your house and yet, they look as if they’ve been there forever, weathered and worn with time.
There’s a photo sitting on a side table in the living room that catches your attention. Upon closer inspection, it’s of you and a young man sitting side by side and posing for the camera. His attire is… unique. You can’t say you’ve seen anything quite like it before.
The first thing that catches your attention is the wide-brimmed hat he’s wearing. It’s ornate, with gold decorations and a veil in the back. His clothes seem like they cost a fortune and appear to be from Inazuma, similar to the ones hanging in your bedroom closet. A smirk plays across his face, yet there’s a gentle look in his eyes as he gazes at you smiling at the camera. An arm is slung around your shoulder, pulling you close.
Clearly, you have- or had?- some sort of special relationship with him according to this photo. But you don’t recognize his face. You can’t remember anything about this man. You don’t even know his name.
Who is he?
Someone knocks at the door. Three solid thumps against the wood and then silence. The sound echoes in your ears and you can feel yourself get up to answer the door. Why does it feel like you have no control over your body right now? Why does time feel like it’s moving so slowly?
Why are you so afraid of what awaits you on the other side of the door?
You open the door to reveal a young man waiting patiently. With a shock, you realize he’s the same man in the photo. He has the same fair skin, the same eyes, and the same blunt haircut.
(He’s even prettier up close and in person.)
He’s changed quite a bit too. His attire is different now. He wears an open-chested kimono with a black bodysuit underneath and pleated shorts. The furisode kimono is dyed in shades of blue and white that resemble the sky and small birds are depicted on the long sleeves as if they are taking to the skies. His hat has lost the veil, but it’s more ornate and now resembles a lotus, the metal gleaming in the late afternoon sun. More surprisingly is the Anemo vision pinned proudly to his robes. By the looks of it, it seems as if he built his entire outfit around it.
But what surprises you the most is his face. He seems… unburdened now. Like a heavy weight has been lifted from his shoulders for the first time.
There’s a look of trepidation on his face and a small spark of hope in his eyes as he meets your gaze.
“... Can I help you?”
The spark of hope quickly dies at your response. His face is crestfallen, yet all he does is let out a resigned sigh.
“I’m a lost traveler that’s in need of a place to stay. Do you mind if I stay at your house for a little while?”
You glance back at the photo, then back at him. Under any other circumstances, you would have said no, but this time…
“Of course. But I don’t know your name yet.”
He pauses for a moment. His gaze darts around like he was searching for an answer- or several answers. You’re beginning to wonder if you said the wrong thing before he chuckles and smiles, finally relaxing.
“What you call me doesn’t matter. Call me anything you want.”
“That doesn’t answer the question.”
He huffs a sigh. Persistent as always, he thinks.
“Others call me Wanderer. Call me that if you’re strapped for ideas.”
“Wanderer…”
It’s an interesting name for sure. In your opinion, it really can’t be considered a name. It’s more suited for a description.
“That’s quite the interesting name you’ve got there, but it’s awkward to say and isn’t really suited for a name.”
“If you don’t like it, call me something else then,” he retorts. You ignore the remark and mentally go through the limited collection of Inazuman names you know of. None of them are suitable until a long-forgotten one hits you out of the blue.
“Hmm… how about the name Ena?”
“Ena,” he repeats to himself, trying the name on for size. To your surprise, you watch as his scowl melts into a grin and his eyes soften. His eyes shine with delight and he lets out a little chuckle.
“Meaning ‘gift from god’. I like it.”
I wouldn’t consider myself that, he thinks. Far from it, actually. But if that’s what you think I am, then I’ll believe it wholeheartedly.
“And by the way, Ena is a girl’s name.”
Your eyes go wide with shock.
“I-really? Wait, I’m sorry for-!”
You’re interrupted by his unabashed laughter at your dumbfounded expression. The smug look on his face tells you that he got the desired reaction out of you.
“You should’ve seen your face! It’s so easy to get you worked up over nothing, you know?”
“Stop pulling my leg like that!”
For some reason, this kind of argument with him over nothing feels… familiar. You push the thought to the side and storm away, huffing and puffing in irritation.
“Whatever. Come inside and make yourself at home. Just don’t make a mess of anything.”
Ena goes quiet and his wistful gaze lingers on the spot you were just a few moments ago. He lets out a drawn-out sigh and an unwelcome, though familiar, feeling tugs at the heart he now knows he has. Was it regret? Sorrow? Longing for something so close yet so far, barely out of touch?
Whatever it was, the full weight of his actions had finally hit him. Karma had finally come back to make him pay. He lifts his Anemo vision up and eyes it. It glows in response and he scoffs.
… He can’t say he misses the feeling of it.
It’s a bitter pill to swallow- accountability and the uncertainty of the future. He glances inside your house and sighs before shaking his head and heading inside.
You’re just as lovely as the day I lost you.
The next day, he has an interesting idea. You were eating breakfast around the table with him not-so-subtly criticizing your cooking skills and you telling him to “make his own if it’s so bad then.” He had scoffed and said he’ll take you up on that offer.
(This scene feels strangely domestic and familiar…)
Ena pushes his (empty) bowl to the side. There’s that look in his eyes that tells you he’s up to no good. How you managed to recognize it after less than a day with him, you have no idea.
“How would you like to travel the world with me?”
You pause and stare at him blankly.
“What?”
“You heard me. How would you like to travel the world? I’m sure you’ve always wanted to do that, right?”
“With you in the way? No thanks.”
He scowls at that and flicks your forehead. You yelp in pain and bat his hands away before turning and staring out the window for a bit.
“But all jokes aside, you’re right. I’ve always wanted to travel the world ever since I was little.”
You pause and bite your lip before giving him a suspicious look.
“First off, why are you offering this?”
He rolls his eyes and laughs.
“I just thought it’d be pretty pathetic if you died without ever seeing the world. Plus, I wanted to-”
He stops himself from saying anything else just in time. You stare at him strangely and he brushes you off. It’s your turn to roll your eyes now as you gather the dishes and begin washing them.
I wanted to show you the places I once took you to that you’ve now forgotten, was what he wanted to say. How will you react now that we’ve started over? Will you react with wonder at the dazzling lights of Liyue Harbor? Laugh and dance happily amongst the wide expanse of grassy plains in Mondstadt? Go silent with awe at the solemn rule of the Shogun in Inazuma?
He silently laughs at himself. He’s become weaker ever since he met you all those years ago. Not like he minded.
You’ve finished the dishes and you’re staring at him with an idea brewing in your head.
“So what I’m hearing is an offer for a free vacation with no strings attached.”
Your tone is mischievous and there’s that shit-eating grin on your face he knows all too well. Ena groans and rolls his eyes in faux annoyance.
“If that’s how you want to think of it, then yes.”
You snicker victoriously and it’s all he can do to not go over and (lovingly) flick your forehead as hard as he can.
“But what about money? A trip around the world is going to cost a fortune, right? Plus, there’s my small business I have to worry about. It’s my only means of income…”
Ena waves a hand at you. “Don’t worry about the money. I’ll handle it. Focus on making sure everything’s in order for the house and your business.”
I’ve got more Mora than I know what to do with, thanks to my time in the Fatui.
He looks over his shoulder at you.
“I recommend you pack your bags as soon as possible. We leave when everything is done and ready.”
The first nation he takes you to is Mondstadt, the land of freedom. A warm breeze brushes your skin as you step foot into the city, carrying with it the scent of dandelion wine and the familiar feeling of well-wishes.
The city is so lively. Children and teenagers chase each other down the cobblestone streets. A crowd of people gathers around a small child selling flowers, the sweet fragrance of them making its way over to you. The colorful banners strung overhead between buildings flutter in the wind. A group of adventurers pass by you and give you bright grins.
“A pair of travelers, eh? Welcome to Mondstadt!”
A bard clad in green sings and plays his lyre to a captive audience by the fountain in the city square. The smell of freshly-cooked food from Good Hunter on your left tempts you and through the door, you can hear the clink of bottles being toasted and the cheers of rowdy but good-natured patrons.
You feel Ena tug on your sleeve. He’s grinning at you mischievously.
“Come on, slowpoke, we’re not stopping here. There’s more to see than just the city.”
The next few weeks pass by in a blur.
Soon after your arrival in Mondstadt, he takes you to the Thousand Winds Temple on the eastern coast of Mondstadt as the first stop. Stone arches tower above your head and you have to crane your neck upwards to see the end of the pillars that seem to stretch upward forever. The sheer size of the temple makes you feel almost insignificant, but ivy and fauna have slowly reclaimed it with overgrowth rampant everywhere. It’s nothing more than crumbling ruins at this point, but it must’ve been beautiful centuries ago.
… Still, you’re a little confused as to why he would bring you all the way out here just to see a dilapidated temple.
“Is there a specific reason why you brought us here?”
“Nothing really, other than that it has quite a long history.”
“I didn’t take you for the scholarly type, Ena.”
“Shut up.”
You begin to curiously explore the temple. Parts of it are locked behind gates and no matter what you do, you can’t get them to budge. You manage to climb over some walls onto what appears to be the stairs and take a seat there. From here, you have a better view of the temple and you try to piece together what it used to look like. Eventually, you come to the realization that it must’ve resembled an amphitheater.
Meanwhile, Ena strides across the arena and comes to a stop, facing the sea. His coming here was purely for selfish reasons.
This was where I first met you. I was on a mission in Mondstadt to investigate some strange occurrences that had been happening. Back then, you were still a student in the Akademiya researching these ruins. We had run into each other accidentally and immediately started arguing over some petty matter and were practically at each other’s throats.
He looks over his shoulder to see you attempting to scale a pillar to reach the elemental monument above and quietly laughs at the sight. He’s glad that you can’t see the fond smile stretching across his face.
You’re still the same fool now as you were back then. Some things in life never change, do they?
On another day, he brings you to Starsnatch Cliff late at night. You grumble and curse at him for disturbing your sleep the entire time, to which he tells you to shut up after being chased by monsters several times.
(You keep your mouth shut after that.)
Ena uses his Anemo vision to quickly fly to the edge of the cliff and avoid the grueling upwards hike. You, on the other hand, are forced to make the trek and arrive several minutes later, panting in exhaustion.
“You’re too slow.”
“Not my fault that I don’t have a handy vision to help me out,” you snap back as you take a seat next to him. The cool evening breeze tickles your skin and you lie on your back to see the stars and the moon. There’s not a single cloud in the sky and you can see the arm of the galaxy that stretches across the night sky in a twinkling display of stars and stardust.
“Now I see why you dragged me out this late. The view is beautiful.”
“I told you.”
You glare at him in response and begin picking the Cecilia flowers that grow on the cliff to make a flower crown with them. Ena only rolls his eyes at the action and lies down to look at the sky.
The second time I met you was here, not long after our first encounter. You were doing the same thing- making flower crowns. When I asked you what you were doing, you gave it to me. Quite the bold move, considering I could’ve ended your life at any moment. Although…
He looks back at you lying sprawled out like a starfish in the grass and holding the finished flower crown in your hands. Your eyes meet his gaze and you wordlessly place it on his head. You giggle at the sight and the blush that creeps across his face as he glares at it.
“It suits you! You look even prettier with it.”
Your eyes shine with a mix of amusement and adoration. To Ena, your smile rivals the brilliance of the moon above and he swears he can feel his heart skip a beat all over again.
Although, how could I have even considered that thought? Especially when you looked at me back then the same way you do now?
Midway through your stay in Mondstadt, he brings you to the famed Angel’s Share for some drinks while subsequently making fun of your inability to hold your alcohol.
“What, can’t even handle wine?”
“Shut up,” you cough out- or rather, slur out with the alcohol getting to you. A blue-haired man sitting at the other end of the table pretends to not hear you, but you can see his shoulders shaking as he tries to stifle his laughs.
With the sweet taste of the tavern’s renowned Dandelion Wine, you didn’t expect it to pack that much of a punch. Your face is already flushed and you can feel just how unbearably warm you are. With a groan, you rest your head against the cool surface of the table and sigh in relief. Ena rolls his eyes and finishes the rest of your drink in one go.
“Seriously, how are you still fine after all of those drinks you had? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you have an inhuman alcohol tolerance,” you grumble.
A thin glass of apple cider is placed in front of you by the bartender. You instantly recognize it as a drink for sobering up and Ena cackles at the realization scrawled all over your face.
“Come on. Finish that and we’ll go back to our place.”
He ends up having to carry you on his back. You passed out while you were still in the bar and now you’re sleeping peacefully, occasionally mumbling nonsensical things as you dream. Ena grumbles and curses you out all the while, but it lacks any real scorn.
Many months later, I came back to Mondstadt and found you in a drunken stupor here. You had just dropped out of the Akademiya and were worried about what you’d do now and dreaded having to return to Sumeru. You had drunk so much that you passed out and I ended up having to carry you back to your place.
He looks back at your sleeping figure and sighs.
“The past likes to repeat itself, huh? And your alcohol tolerance hasn’t improved one bit since then.”
Really, it made for a comical sight. The Sixth Fatui Harbinger, capable of striking fear into the hearts of the masses, carrying an Akademiya dropout who’d cried and drank themselves to sleep back to their house like some sort of gentleman? Most people would laugh at that.
His hand grasps yours as he looks back on the past that only he remembers now.
Lost in thought, he misses how you gently squeeze his hand in return.
On the very last day of your stay in Mondstadt, Ena waits until sunset to drag you to the Church of Favonius. He carefully led you around the vigilant eyes of the Knights and passersby until you were at the back of the church. You weren’t expecting this to be your final stop and you stare at him, confused.
“Just trust me, ok?”
You don’t get a chance to respond before he scoops you up into his arms and soars into the air with the help of his vision.
“Wha-hey!” you shout as you nervously flail around. “What’re you doing?”
“Be quiet!” he hisses. “Do you want people to hear us?”
Ena quickly sets you down on a ledge atop a spire and you go silent. From here, you have a perfect view over all of Mondstadt, from the sprawling city before you all the way out to the great oak tree in Windrise and the Statue of the Seven shining beneath it, and everything in between. The skies are clear and Mondstadt is bathed in a rosy pink glow.
“Don’t fall off now,” he teases as you lean forward.
“How did you find this spot?” you ask. He looks off to the side as if embarrassed to admit the truth.
“I saw the Traveler and a girl in red up here one day. They seemed to be enjoying the view so I stowed the idea away for later.”
That was half the truth. Not like you’d remember the other half of it anyway.
You were awfully persistent back then, he thinks as he watches you sneeze when a cluster of dandelion seeds blow past, carried along by the winds. Hanging around with a Fatui Harbinger like it was nothing and having the gall to talk to me like we were equals. I seriously thought you had no sense of danger back then. Or maybe you just had a death wish.
One day, you had offhandedly told me that a view over all of Mondstadt could be seen atop the spires of the Church of Favonius. The look in your eyes implied that you wanted to see it for yourself. You thought it was a great idea. I thought you were insane.
But I managed to make it work after happening to see someone else do it. Late at night, we snuck up here together to go stargazing. We had a beautiful view that night. The sky was clear and all the stars were visible. But it wasn’t the sky or the stars that caught my attention- it was the look in your eyes.
For a moment, I saw everything I ever wanted reflected in them.
You swing your legs in contentment as a flock of birds flies past you. Ena eyes you nervously as you sit precariously close to the edge and reaches out to gently grasp your wrist.
“... Is something the matter?”
“You’re sitting too close to the ledge. Move back a bit.”
“Didn’t know you were such a mother hen.” But you do as he says.
You gaze upon him fondly and there it is again- the look that stole his heart. You looked at him as if he was your entire world. He would do anything to have you look at him like that for just a little while longer.
“(Name)?”
“Yes?”
“Can we stay like this just a little longer?”
“Of course.”
The sky begins to darken and the temperature starts to drop. The people of Mondstadt gradually head home one by one until the streets are deserted, but above it all, you and Ena are lost in your own world- one that only he now remembers.
The seasons have changed. Summer has faded and it’s colder now. The days are shorter, much to your displeasure. Almost all vegetation has died out- the tree branches are stripped bare of leaves and a light dusting of snow from earlier covers the ground. There’s a light crunching sound as you walk, leaving footprints behind.
You shiver as a cold breeze passes by and without missing a beat, Ena gives you his scarf. He wraps it around you and tightens it securely before tugging at your coat zipper to make sure it’s zipped up all the way. He nods in satisfaction.
“Keep it. You need it more.”
You pass by a Statue of the Seven and head down some ice-coated stone steps. The horizon is bright and as you look up from the ground, you see why. Liyue Harbor is aglow with warm orange lights and countless paper lanterns float in the air, scattered throughout the sky.
Ena looks over your shoulder at the glowing port.
“We’re in luck. We made it just in time for the Lantern Rite.”
You hear a smidge of smugness in his voice.
“In luck, you say? Something tells me you planned this,” you tease. Already, you can feel a rush of excitement bubbling up as you grab him by the wrist and pull him along with you toward the city.
“Who knows? Maybe I did.”
The entire harbor is decorated for Liyue’s biggest festival of the year. Red paper lanterns and bundles of firecrackers hang at the corners of businesses and houses alike. Spring couplets and squares of red paper with the character for “fortune” are pasted onto doors everywhere you look. A group of children runs past you waving sparklers to celebrate and the mother of one opens the door to call her child in for dinner.
A storyteller tells the tale of how the Lantern Rite came to be as you run through the stone streets. Aided by the folding screen behind him that depicts a panorama of Liyue in the past, his rich voice and reenactments of scenes captivate his starry-eyed audience that hangs onto every word. An amber-eyed man listens intently, a peaceful expression washing over his handsome face as if he is recalling pleasant memories of days gone by. The sweet scents of steamed rice, caramelized sugars and smoke, and various fragrant spices hit your nose as you pass by a restaurant across the street with a long line of people waiting to order outside. A girl with short blue hair runs out of the kitchen, carrying several plates of food to the establishment with the storyteller.
“Excuse me! Coming through!”
A small stall wedged in the space between the restaurant and another building harks its goods to passersby.
“Cheap and tasty chop suey! Special Lantern Rite deal- half off of everything!”
The path curves down from there, leading to the shipping and loading docks of the port. You go past that toward where everyone is gathered. You gasp and momentarily, you go speechless. It’s simply gorgeous. You have no other way to describe it.
Lotus-shaped lights illuminate the pathway and golden lanterns are strung about, bathing you and Ena in an orange glow. Parasols of every shape and color hang from the scaffolding above, casting shades of color across your faces. An old man off to the side adds some last-minute touches to the giant puppet head that will be used for tonight’s dragon dance. You catch a glimpse of it as you pass by and it is a true labor of love, painstakingly crafted down to the tiniest detail. The performers for said dance rehearse the complicated choreography to your left, running in circles and weaving in and out of each other to the point where your eyes hurt from watching. Stalls and vendors sell a variety of goods- street food, paper lanterns to release into the sky, firecrackers, decorations, toys for children, and flowers with auspicious meanings among many other things.
The heavy crowds and sounds of cheer and festivities make you almost forget about the chilling mid-winter cold. Ena disappears for a second and reappears with a bundle of flowers that he swiftly tucks behind your ear.
“Hmm? What flower is this?”
“They’re peach blossoms.”
You shoot a glance at the pale pink blossoms and smile as a thank-you before returning back to the celebration. He stifles a laugh upon your reaction. Clearly, you were unaware of the symbolism behind the flowers.
Peach blossoms symbolize romance. It’s often gifted by young people, as they believe it will bring romantic luck.
(He mentally thanks Nahida for forcing him to go to school. Some of the stuff he learned there was actually helping him.)
To your right, two girls perform on an illuminated stage, one singing while the other plays the guitar to the thunderous applause of the audience. You sneak past the crowd to admire the Mingxiao lantern the size of a parade float that towers above everyone behind the stage. It depicts a gold and red goose (an Adeptus?) taking to the skies, with the jagged peaks of Liyue in blue behind it. A yellow whole moon partially hides behind the tallest one and wisps of fog obscure the ground and lazily wind around the mountaintops.
The energy of the crowd has been palpable ever since you got here, but it increases now as you look toward where everyone else’s gaze is directed at- the sky.
“Hurry, it’s about to start!”
“Over here, over here! I saved this spot before anyone else could get it!”
Mere moments later, a loud boom goes off and an orange firework explodes in the sky. Then another one. And another one. The fireworks show has started and while they are beautiful, you’re having a difficult time enjoying it while everyone else is jostling for a view. Unfortunately, that means you can’t see much of anything either…
You feel a sharp tug at your wrist and look back to see Ena trying to squeeze his way through the crowd without losing his hat and being crushed alive.
“I know of a spot. Follow me!”
With much difficulty and after almost getting your ribs crushed, you break free of the crowd. Ena hoists you onto his shoulders and speeds through the now-empty streets with the help of his vision, carefully avoiding the Millileth stationed.
“You seem to be enjoying this position,” you offhandedly comment as he squeezes your thighs.
“It’s one of the only ways I can get your lazy ass places,” he says, like the liar he is.
(He secretly just likes the feeling of your thighs around his neck.)
He comes to a stop atop a building on the outskirts of the city and from here, you have a perfect view of the fireworks. Some whirl into a spiral while others slowly shoot straight up as they explode in a glittering multicolored shower. Some fireworks tumble like a waterfall and others pepper the sky in rapid flashes of light that have you seeing stars afterward.
“Isn’t what we’re doing right now technically illegal?” you ask while still keeping your eyes on the firework display. He laughs and you can practically imagine him rolling his eyes.
“Would you rather be here or before where we were practically suffocating to death?”
You laugh as well with a smile on your face. Ena squeezes your hand in his (when did that get there?) while he pulls something out. You look away from the show to see him place a red and gold metal canister between you two. It’s rather similar to the fireworks launchers you saw in the city…
“Ena, don’t tell me you-”
“What, it’s not like they’re going to notice one gone! They’ve got a bunch to spare anyway.”
He motions for you to move away from the canister and pulls out a bamboo tube with a conical cap mounted to a stick. He strikes a match and after lighting the fuse, sticks it into the mortar and moves away. You both cover your ears and after a few seconds, it shoots out with a high-pitched whistling sound before exploding in a golden display that resembles the branches of a weeping willow tree.
“Did you steal the fireworks too?” you ask with a wide grin on your face. He scowls at the question and begins to prepare another one for launch.
“No. I bought them,” he grumbles. The next firework exits the mortar and explodes in the sky. It resembles a white chrysanthemum.
You’ve all but forgotten about the official show as you take turns launching fireworks and creating your own (illegal) display. The official show may be more flashy, but yours has a magic of its own that can’t be recreated.
“Aw, how cute! This firework is shaped like a heart!” you exclaim as you watch it scatter in a shower of pink sparkles. The amount of fireworks being launched from the harbor suddenly increases and you realize it must be the grand finale already.
Ena pulls something out again. Two Mingxiao lanterns. He passes one to you along with a brush and some ink.
“The people of Liyue have a tradition of writing riddles on lanterns during the Lantern Rite,” he explains upon seeing your confusion. “Write whatever you’d like- it doesn’t have to be a riddle- and once the fireworks are over, we’ll release them into the sky, ok?”
He watches you frown and mull over what you want to write, face scrunching up into various expressions of contemplation and hesitation. He internally laughs at the sight before returning to his lantern, brush gliding over the paper with confidence.
I wish for (Name) to accept me for who I am.
And as the last of the fireworks explode in the sky, you and Ena release your lanterns in unison, soaring into the sky and joining the lanterns of everyone else. You lean against his shoulder (when did the distance between you two get so close?) and gaze at your lanterns drifting away.
“What did you wish for?” you ask.
“It’s a secret. I’m not telling you.”
“Fine. I’m not telling you mine either.”
You silently laugh to yourself. You had gotten a glimpse of what he was writing and while it may have been written in the old Inazuman script (most likely to confuse your prying eyes), you were still a former Akademiya student and you still had a decent knowledge of languages. The Inazuman language was one you were proficient in before you dropped out and you could get the general idea of his wish written onto the lantern.
How cute.
And as for what you wrote?
Ena couldn’t help but peek when you were writing. With the light of the fireworks, he had seen what you were written and a long-forgotten emotion erupted in his newly-acquired heart.
I wish for Ena to receive the love he deserves.
The last nation he takes you to is Inazuma.
You had spent a few months in Liyue until the weather warmed up, discovering everything the nation had to offer. You had ventured into the Adepti’s abode in Jueyun Karst, visited the famed turquoise waters of Luhua Pool, and explored the countless ancient ruins scattered throughout the land. At one point, with a letter from the Traveler and special clearance from the Millelith, he takes you to the Chasm. There, you had carefully crossed the creaky wooden walkways with high winds whipping you around and had scaled the high peaks covered with ochre grass and trees with crimson-colored leaves. The gaping maw in the center leading to the Underground Mines had tempted you and there you had stayed for a while, staring down into it.
(He contemplated bringing you there because it had a beauty of its own, but ultimately decided against it due to how dangerous it was.)
Now docked at Ritou Harbor after a long passage across the sea, Ena watches as the sleep disappears from your eyes, only to be replaced by wonder as you take in the silent harbor that is beginning to stir. Ships are anchored along the pier and unloaded. The fishermen are coming back as the sun rises above the horizon and are laying out their catch to sell. Purple banners planted along the boardwalk that are emblazoned with the Electro mitsudomoe proudly signify the reign of the Shogun. Maple trees dot the landscape and Mt. Yougou towers above in the distance with a faint green light emanating from it.
Ena’s eyes narrow and he bites his lip at the familiar sights. Returning to his homeland left him feeling conflicted and while nobody would remember him- namely, the Shogun- unpleasant memories still resurfaced. His abandonment, the place he once called home, and especially now, the regret and rage that fills him as he recalls those he considered family and Dottore who twisted the truth into a lie, ruining his life.
But he casts his thoughts aside. His past no longer defined who he was, especially at this moment. Besides, this was your first time in Inazuma. What kind of tour guide would he be if he couldn’t cast his own prejudices aside?
Long ago, when he was still in the Fatui, you had asked him about his origins.
“Scara, you’re from Inazuma, right?”
“Yeah. What about it?”
“I’ve always wanted to visit the nation. Can you take me there someday?”
“Once the situation there clears up, sure.”
He was never able to fulfill that promise with his previous self. Now, he could finally be true to his word, even if you could no longer remember.
Narukami Island dazzles you with its splendor and tradition everywhere you look. Sakura blooms drift along the warm spring breezes in Inazuma City as you pass by stores selling elaborate kimonos and blacksmiths continuing the art of forging that had been passed down for centuries. Ena proves himself to be quite the knowledgeable tour guide, pointing out cultural relics and small facts that you wouldn’t have known otherwise.
Early on in your stay, Ena pays a visit to the Statue of the Omnipresent God near Tenshukaku. He just… stands there. And gazes up at it. In the short time there, a lifetime of emotions crossed his face. Betrayal, wrath, denial, emptiness, regret, and even acceptance.
(You notice that the statue doesn’t look like the Electro Archon at all. What could it possibly be here for then?)
“Let’s go.”
With a light tug at your wrist and a final glance back at Tenshukaku, he leads you ahead without another look back.
The main attraction aside from the city is the Grand Narukami Shrine. From what you’ve heard, the trek there is long and arduous but worth it for its beauty and view over Inazuma. Ena leads you there through Chinju Forest which takes you onto the shortest route. The forest is tranquil and you hear the sound of running water from the large stream cutting through the forest. Blue flowers glow underneath the moonlight in large clumps and tanuki statues are found everywhere. Red torii gates are scattered throughout and mark pathways.
While the forest is beautiful, it’s also a little eerie. The lack of light and silence creeps you out and Ena has the brilliant idea to tell you ghost stories here, of all places.
“There’s a legend of a yokai that lurks in the forest around here,” he begins. “Care to hear the tale?”
You swat at his arm to silence him. He dodges your hand quickly and smiles impishly at you.
“What? Scared already?”
“Shut up.”
You leave the forest, refusing to speak to Ena and ignoring all of his purposeful attempts to rile you up. A blue-haired girl and her brother stand at the entrance to the lavish estate to your right. She pulls out her folding fan, covering the smile on her face at your petty arguments.
The path leading to the shrine is an arduous trek and not to mention slippery, as it had rained the day before. He has to help you up in some parts where there are no stairs, lest you slip and fall. The steps are steep and the path winding around the mountain seems never-ending. After much grumbling and pleading on your part, Ena finally agrees to carry you on his back.
“Thank you…”
“Stop being lazy,” he retorts. You rest your cheek against his shoulder and he immediately goes silent. Your hand brushes against his and in an uncharacteristically bold move, Ena grasps it and squeezes lightly. A light giggle escapes you. His hand is delicate and soft against yours, much like a doll’s.
At that moment, he’s glad you can’t see the blush dusting his cheeks.
But the rumors were right- the view is indeed gorgeous from here. Ena stops at one point and you peer over his shoulder to see the landscape of Inazuma. Jagged boulders float in midair with sakura trees planted for decoration and lanterns to aid shrine-goers in the dead of night. The vast blue sea that seals off Inazuma from the rest of the world stretches as far as the eye can see with several smaller islands and shipwrecks dotting the landscape. Chōchin lanterns hang from the branches of trees, swaying lightly in the wind and scattering sakura petals. Some red foxes are resting at the bottom of the stairs and come up to cautiously sniff at Ena. He leans down to pet them for a bit, allowing you to do the same, before continuing.
As you ascend the stairs winding around the mountain, you pass through countless torii gates with red tōrō lanterns and shoji lamps decorated with the symbol of the shrine flanking your sides and realize the shrine must be just up ahead. And indeed, that hypothesis proves to be true as Ena finishes climbing the last set of stairs and stops in front of the shrine. He takes his hat off and you hop off his back.
The shrine is awe-inspiring. It’s larger than you thought it’d be and built from red lacquered wood with chōchin lanterns hanging from the eaves of the roof. Two thick shimenawa ropes with shide papers attached to them stretch across the entrance and the small body of water the shrine is built upon reflects the early morning sky above. Sessha shrines line the outskirts with various offerings and resemble miniature versions of the Grand Narukami Shrine.
As you take in the sights of the shrine and the view of Inazuma from above, Ena looks around cautiously, hoping that a certain meddling pink kitsune wouldn’t show up.
What a nuisance that’d be, he thinks as he squints against the sun’s rays. He quickly picks up on your confusion as you look around, unsure of what to do.
“Relax,” he says, taking your hand in his. “I’ll guide you through the whole process.”
Ena leads you through everything, from purification to burning incense. At that stage, he had asked you if you had any injuries. You had looked at him strangely and he explained that some people fan the smoke toward themselves for healing purposes.
“Oh, that’s interesting,” you said. “But I’m fine, so there’s no need to.”
You miss how he fans the smoke toward his heart when you turn away. He stares at his Anemo vision for a split second before returning to your side.
You’re staring at the large bell attached to a bundle of multicolored cords hanging from the ceiling. He steps forward and shakes it, making the bell chime loudly. You watch closely as he drops some Mora into the offertory box before bowing twice, clapping twice, and then standing straight with his hands joined in a prayer position. You then do the same, albeit with less confidence.
“Hey,” you whisper. He peeks an eye open. “What do I pray for?”
“Anything,” he whispers back. “Good health, fortune, success at school-”
You roll your eyes.
“- or even luck in romantic relationships.”
You look off to the side at that one, hoping he doesn’t see how the tips of your ears are flushed.
Ena closes his eyes again and thinks for a bit about what else to pray for. He had already wished for acceptance from you during the Lantern Rite. Just now, he had prayed for your health and the safety of Sumeru, along with wishes of well-being for Lesser Lord Kusanali. What else was there?
(He had contemplated praying for Dottore’s downfall but ultimately decided that wouldn’t be appropriate within a shrine setting.)
Pray for (Name) to fall in love with you again, says the voice in his head. You did tell them that praying for romantic luck was common among shrine-goers, so why not do that yourself?
Ah.
Ena feels his face heat up and his heart starts pounding rapidly. With a light shake of his head, he clears his mind.
I wish for (Name) to fall in love with me again. I have already lost Niwa, Katsuragi, the rest of my family in Tatarasuna, and the fledgling child who was just like me long ago. After wandering across the world for several centuries, I long for a place to call home now.
Archons above, I am a changed man now. Please, allow me to have the simple joys of love and solace.
Your trip is nearing its end. The days are much longer now and the weather considerably, almost unbearably at times, warmer.
Now in the last leg of your journey, Ena gazes out at the sea aboard the boat carrying him to your last destination, Kannazuka Island. The last time he went back to Inazuma was during the Vision Hunt Decree to retrieve the Electro Gnosis and that was on orders from the Tsaritsa, plus that was restricted to Narukami Island only. Ever since the disaster that had befallen Tatarasuna, he hadn’t gone back out of fear and shame.
And that is who he really is. A man who was ashamed of his past and afraid of witnessing the consequences of his actions. Ignorance is bliss, yet that belief was unable to prevent the shield of scorn and egotism he had built up for himself from crumbling down in an instant in Sumeru, the cracks that had been forming for a long time now exposed and the truth finally revealed.
How pathetic, mocks the voice in his head that never seems to go away- perhaps the only remnant of his former self. Look at who you’ve become. How weak. What a disappointment. Such activities are beneath you, yet why do you indulge them with your divine presence?
Shut it, he thinks. Enough of you. My roots may be divine, but they have no influence on who I am today. I am a different person now, whether you like it or not.
Ena looks around him and sighs. He had sworn to never return to this nation that he harbored only bitterness and bad memories toward. He had cursed the Archon’s name and denounced her reign, laughed at her frivolous pursuit of eternity, yet here he was once again.
The prodigal son had finally made a return home.
Love really makes people weak, doesn’t it?
The boat gently comes to a stop against the shoreline of Nazuchi Beach. Rotting shipwrecks and driftwood litter the white sands and warm shallow waters. Faded and frayed war banners lie half-buried in the sand with arrowheads embedded everywhere you look- the only remains of the several bloody wars that were waged here.
You hop off the boat, eager to explore what lies ahead, while Ena lingers for a bit to gather his thoughts. Already, he can see the familiar silhouette of the furnace and its purple glow in the distance. An unfamiliar feeling of dread settles in his stomach, twisting and turning anxiously. But dallying and wasting time will not change the outcome of anything.
And so with bated breath, he leads the way. Passing through the entrance that leads to Tatarasuna, the full scale of the site becomes apparent. In the middle, a floating rock formation hovers above the water and is linked to the rest of the island via walkways that are now rotting and falling apart. A strange purple glow radiates from the center. The houses built have long since been abandoned, their windows dark and empty. Hovering above it all is the Mikage Furnace. Although it was shut down a long time ago, small sparks of Electro are still intermittently emitted from it.
The ancient machinery quietly creaks in the wind. The air feels electric with the heavy concentration of Electro energy present, making his hair stand on end. Carts filled with iron ore lie off to the side, looking as if they were haphazardly abandoned. He can’t help but feel a little remorseful at the sorry state the place is in now.
There is one last task for him to finish here- one that he should have completed long ago.
Better late than never, he thinks as he rummages around for a sword of some sort that may have been miraculously left behind. Most of what was here has been pillaged by the Fatui; he recognizes their handiwork- sloppy and inconsiderate, but by a stroke of luck, he finds one.
Meanwhile, you investigate what’s nearby. Soon into your investigation, you find some yellowed notes scattered about. The age of the notes has made the words rather difficult to decipher and the elements have worn away much of the original content.
… We at last made a single nagamaki. We call it the Daitatara Nagamasa. The Inspector was in high spirits, and he and the Vice Armory Officer… Nozomu was so taken by the beauty of the Daitatara Nagamasa that he drew a picture of it.
The Inspector flew into a rage and slashed Katsuragi. The great blade cut deep into the flesh… cast his own nagamaki into the furnace’s flame… Nozomu could not abide by that order, and drew the completely melted weapon out of the furnace… He was horribly burned.
… Nozomu died that night. I daresay that while Sir Katsuragi may have committed malfeasance, it was out of the goodness of his heart.
“(Name), can you go pick some flowers for me?”
His question comes suddenly and unexpectedly. You look up from the notes you are reading. He holds a rusted sword in his hand and gives it a few experimental swings. You soundlessly nod and disappear.
There are some old polishing stones lying beneath a table and he gets to work. It’s the first time he’s touched a blade in 500 years, yet in his mind, he’s transported back to the moment he learned how to forge and polish swords under the watch of Niwa and the others. Their gentle guidance from ages ago resurfaces, guiding him through the sacred process. Bit by bit, the rust is scrubbed away and its original sheen is restored. It is difficult work, but it’s cathartic. It feels like he’s making amends for his past actions.
After wiping away the last few drops of water, the sword is now finished. It shines brilliantly without a speck of rust showing. The handguard and hilt have been cleaned thoroughly and it looks as good as new.
Ena walks over to a grassy spot near the water and digs a small hole, where he places a few items before covering it up again. Some small candies, cigarettes, six coins for safe passage to the afterlife, a white kimono, and a pair of sandals.
He drives the sword into the soft earth. He tugs it a few times to ensure it won’t budge before pulling out some sticks of incense and lighting them. The woody smell with hints of spice and resin is carried through the air.
On your way back now, you smell something spicy and familiar drifting from the direction of the furnace.
Incense?
“I’m back now,” you call out. “What did you need these-”
The lit incense sticks, the sword stuck in the ground, his head bowed. The realization hits you instantly.
So this is why he asked me to gather flowers. It’s a memorial- a grave.
Dendrobiums, stalks of Naku Weed, Sea Ganodermas you had harvested in the shallow beach waters, and deposits of Crystal Marrow are arranged around the symbolic tomb in the best flower arrangement your limited skills could make.
“Thank you,” he whispers as you kneel next to him.
“Who is it for?”
“Everyone,” he says, gesturing around him. “It’s for everyone who was here.”
Ena looks up from the ground and for a second, he thinks he’s gone back in time. The sun shines, bathing the abandoned mine in golden light. The fires in the furnace are stoked and plumes of smoke drift out of the tall chimney. Katsuragi smelts the red-hot steel in the tatara while Niwa hammers and folds the cooling metal. The residents of Tatarasuna, people from all walks of life, children and elders alike, live their lives with joy and pride.
Ah, it’s been so long since he’s last seen them, yet he can still remember their faces clearly as if he never left.
One of them- a child- sees him out of the corner of his eye. He says something- no words can be heard but Ena reads his lips.
Look, Kabukimono is back!
One by one, the rest of the residents take notice of him. They each bear varied expressions on their faces weathered by hard work- some cover their mouths with their eyes blown wide in surprise, others heave a deep sigh of relief with smiles stretching across their faces, while others have tears of joy prickling at the corners of their eyes.
Archons, it’s been so long since I’ve last seen him.
Tell us what you’ve been up to lately! I’m sure you have many stories to share.
My, look at how handsome he is now!
The ward we took in has now finally grown up.
It makes me so proud to see him like this.
There’s a tight feeling in his chest as he stumbles forward toward the sea of familiar faces, beckoning him with warm smiles and welcoming arms. He lurches forward again, and three pairs of warm hands as fleeting as a feather lightly brush over his shoulder, steadying him. Looking up, he sees the familiar faces of Niwa, Katsuragi, and Nagamasa. They beam at him, not a hint of betrayal or anger present in their smiles.
Ena’s heart seizes up in his chest. What does he say in a situation like this?
Did you find your heart at last?
“... Yes,” he finally answers.
“It was here all along.”
We’ve missed you.
Crying is for the weak. It is a useless display of emotions. That is what he has told himself repeatedly throughout his life.
And yet, he can’t help the tears that threaten to spill over.
He rushes forward, longing for one last chance to make amends. They surround him in a warm embrace, murmuring words of reassurance as the tears finally spill over.
“I’m sorry!” he chokes out. “I should have been there! I shouldn’t have run away!”
A strong gust of wind blows through the clearing and the ghosts of Tatarasuna waver, their images beginning to fade and dissipate in specks of golden light.
His blood runs cold in terror.
No, not yet! There’s still so much I want to say- so much I want to apologize for!
The sound of gentle laughter is carried along with the wind and as the last of their shimmering visages fade away, he hears their final words.
What do you mean, Kabukimono?
We forgave you long ago.
It was never your fault to begin with.
You are our pride and joy.
This is goodbye now. But we, the residents of Tatarasuna you considered family, will always be with you.
We can now move on safely to the afterlife.
We can now rest after seeing our little Kabukimono at peace with himself.
Thank you for returning home one last time.
The last of their afterimages vanish, leaving nothing behind. The sun retreats behind the clouds once more, the clearing now cloudy as it was before. But at last, Ena feels at peace- as if a great burden had finally been lifted from his shoulders. The unfinished task from centuries ago had finally been completed.
“Let’s go home now, (Name).”
Ena has been acting strange lately.
On the way back, he kept pacing back and forth. He had kept toying with his Anemo vision and staring at the sky. When he thought you were asleep, he would hold you tightly in his arms as if he was afraid to lose you. You would catch him with his hands clasped together and praying when he thought you weren’t looking.
But praying to who exactly?
At last, you are at home in Sumeru again. It is late at night now, and the streets are silent. Most of the residents are asleep except for a few late-night stragglers coming home from work or the tavern. That night, you fell into a deep sleep and for the first time ever since you were a child, you dreamt.
But much to your surprise, you see Ena and Lesser Lord Kusanali in your dream soon after falling asleep. This feels vaguely familiar and something tells you this was done on purpose.
“Welcome back,” she says. “How was your trip?”
“Fine. I enjoyed it,” he responds.
She giggles. “That’s good to hear. I take it that your goal is complete and that you got to tie up some loose ends?”
“You could say that.”
The little Archon turns her attention to you now. Her eyes peer at you curiously and you get the vague feeling that she can read your mind.
“You must be (Name). You’re a smart cookie- smarter than people give you credit for. I’m sure you’ve wondered what you and Ena are to each other at least once by now.”
“There’s been a few hints dropped here and there throughout our journey that made me question the nature of our relationship or who we once were,” you admit.
“But I can’t help but wonder what happened to… ”
You gesture at the space between you and Ena.
“... Us?”
A translucent green box materializes between her hands. It glows and floats, emitting specks of Dendro energy intermittently.
“Please suspend disbelief for a moment, as what I’m about to say may sound unrealistic. This box you see here is a copy of his memories from his creation up until recently. It contains the true, unaltered version of history.”
Creation? Copy of his memories? The unaltered version of history?
A thousand questions swirl inside your mind, waiting to be asked, yet they all dissipate at her next question.
“Do you wish to remember the past?”
You hesitantly look at Ena. He turns away as if he is ashamed of meeting your gaze.
“This decision is all up to you,” she adds. “Rest assured that whatever you choose will not affect your relationship with Ena. He has told me that himself.
“But please bear in mind that in his past life, Ena was what many would consider as ‘evil’. He had committed countless crimes and many people had died because of him. With this preface, do you still wish to remember the past?”
You glance at Ena again, who is still avoiding your gaze. The delicate balance of your relationship hangs on the line. Was it even worth knowing the truth? You were perfectly content with the way things were as of now.
… But the voice in the back of your head urges you to dig deeper and uncover the truth.
“I still do. Please, show me everything.”
Ena winces slightly, bracing himself for the worst.
“Very well then.”
The green box slowly drifts toward you before suddenly slamming into your chest. You let out a choked gasp, your vision slowly going dark as all his memories begin to flood your mind. The last thing you hear is Ena’s concerned question.
“Will they be alright?”
“It’s the same as when you regained your memories,” replies Lesser Lord Kusanali. “They’ll be in for a shock but will ultimately emerge with a newfound understanding of who you are.”
“Set him free?”
“A puppet? What’s he doing here…”
“You’re a human as far as I’m concerned.”
“What a fine blade! Nagamasa will be thrilled.”
“He took it straight from the chest of one of his innocent servants.”
“What a joke… it’s just ashes… nothing left but ashes.”
“Are you deaf or just stupid?”
“Hey!”
That’s the sound of your own voice. In the midst of his memory space, you freeze. The version of yourself you see is one from several years ago, back when you were still in the Akademiya. The sight of the green uniform and beret sends a wave of nostalgia through your heart. Ena resembles the version of himself you saw in the photo at your house- dressed in shades of dark purple and black with accents of red and gold.
“What did you want to tell me? You dragged me out here late at night so it better be worth-”
“I hate you.”
“Excuse me?”
“I hate you,” he repeated. “Everything about you annoys me greatly. You can’t handle your alcohol, yet you still insist on having drinks every week. I can’t tell if you’re idiotic or-”
“It’s Mondstadt, what else am I supposed to do here? And why is it that you carry me home on your back each time without fail?”
“Because you’d look pretty pathetic otherwise. I’d get secondhand embarrassment if I didn’t do something about it.”
You rolled your eyes at his remarks.
“Your taste in music sucks and you always have the strangest ideas. Seriously, where do you even come up with-”
“If you think they’re so strange, then why did you agree to dance with me in the town square yesterday? Entertain my silly idea of participating in the festival that was happening last week even though, in your opinion, you thought it was ‘stupid and a waste of time?’ Although, it looked like you were having fun as well…”
“...That’s beside the point. You also talk too much. It hurts my ears just listening to you sometimes.”
“Is that why you were glaring at the guy I was chatting with the other day?”
“No- I mean, yes.”
The look on your face tells him you don’t believe his blatant lie one bit.
“I can’t think properly when you’re around me,” he snapped in an attempt to change the subject. “You make me feel strange and I hate it. Whenever your eyes linger on me, I feel strangely exposed. When you touch me, my skin burns and I can’t breathe for some strange reason. You wear your heart on your sleeve but you’re also difficult to understand. I can’t figure you out for the life of me. You cry and laugh when you’re mad, but when you’re actually upset, you hide your tears and go silent. You’re a walking contradiction, which makes me even more confused as to why I feel this- hey, why are you laughing?”
He glared at your figure shaking with laughter and a clear expression of understanding written all over your face.
“Nothing, it’s just… I think we both know why you’re feeling this way, Scara,” you whispered as you leaned in to cup his cheek. He shied away from your touch but still accepted it.
“Don’t make me say it,” he grumbled quietly. “It’s embarrassing.”
He closed his eyes and leaned into your hand cradling his cheek.
“But it’s the truth, is it not? In that case, what is there to be embarrassed about?”
“But…”
You’re so close to him that he could feel the soft exhale of your breath tickle his cheek. He looked away, avoiding eye contact with you, but he could still feel your burning gaze of adoration on his skin.
“Say it,” you breathed. “I want to hear you say those three words, Scara.”
“... You are the one I hold dearest to my heart,” he finally whispered. “You are my first and only love.”
The gap between you closes. He saw the moonlight reflected in your irises clearly and your eyes glimmering with hope, heard the way your breath hitched in anticipation. As his lips brushed against yours, he finally whispered those three words you’d been longing to hear.
“I love you.”
With a start, you are brought back to reality. Lesser Lord Kusanali and Ena watch you with concern in their eyes.
“Welcome back,” begins the former. “How do you feel with this newfound information?”
“A little overwhelmed,” you admit. “But everything makes much more sense now.”
You turn your attention toward Ena, who eyes you warily much like a stray cat would.
“Well then? What is your verdict?” he snaps harshly. “Going to abandon me the same way my mothe- my creator did?”
“Quite the opposite, actually.”
You mull over your words momentarily, wondering where even to begin.
“What do you do with a broken doll?” you finally ask. Ena looks at you strangely, like he wasn’t expecting you to open with that starter of all possible options.
“Do you fill in the cracks with gold to embrace its flaws? Paint over it to hide the defects underneath? Give it a newer and stronger shell? Or perhaps discard it entirely in favor of a new one? From what I saw, you’ve cycled through all those options haven’t you, Ena?”
He looks away.
“Like the Inazuman art of kintsugi, you tried to embrace your defects when you were still known as Kabukimono. Despite being considered flawed, you still attempted to show how beautiful and strong you could be. During your time in the Fatui when you were known as the Balladeer, you hid that part of yourself underneath a veil of arrogance, hating how weak you were despite said weakness being something your first self saw as a sign of strength more than anything. As the Everlasting Lord of Arcane Wisdom or Shouki no Kami, the Prodigal, you quite literally gave yourself a stronger shell in your attempt to ascend to godhood. But despite the grandness of it all, it was nothing more than a cheap veneer on the same self-loathing that brought everything crashing down when you were so close to everything you had ever hoped for.”
You reach your hands out and intertwine them with his.
“In such cases where all other options have failed, starting over is the best decision. The neglect and decay that have accumulated over several hundred years will be purged and a new healthy base made from only the purest of white wood will be used.”
You squeeze his hands lightly.
“Sometimes, you have to let those parts of yourself go. Otherwise, you will never obtain happiness. By discarding who you once were, you’ve healed and learned how to atone for your actions.
“You’ve changed for the better, Ena. The metaphorical blood on your hands has been washed clean. So then why should I abandon you? For abandoning you who I once loved, still love, and will continue to love means invalidating all your past struggles and how much you’ve changed. What kind of lover would I be if I did that?”
Lesser Lord Kusanali claps and smiles.
“That was a good use of metaphors, (Name). I liked it!”
Ena lets out a long sigh of relief and tips his head back. He hadn’t cried ever since his creation 500 years ago but now, he was filled with the overwhelming urge to cry. There’s a burning sensation at the back of his eyes and he fights the urge to release everything he had been holding back.
Is this what people called tears of joy?
“Thank you, (Name).”
What once was has now been rediscovered, no longer consigned to a thing of the past. That which he had longed for was now finally in his arms. Ena closes his eyes and pulls you into a hug. It’s a wonderful feeling- forgiveness and love.
Maybe, just maybe, he can now finally be at peace with himself.
#favoniuslibrary#genshin impact x reader#scaramouche x reader#wanderer x reader#genshin x reader#genshin fanfic#genshin x you#scaramouche x y/n#wanderer x y/n#victoria.writes
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An small Knife Character Analysis.
"There's more than one ways to be an jerk."
Haven't been too focused on this guy due to my brain going bonkers on Mic, but I had some thoughts right now and I want to share them with you.
Kind of a long post but! It is worth it!
Something about him just wanting intimacy- craving it, wanting to be able to communicate his true feelings without being seen as a weakling or even as an hypocrite of sorts. Thinking how he really is deep down insecure (according to the ii site) and used to project that on the contestants. How he takes so much distance from them but still shows that he really cares about those who are vulnerable.
But no one has, ever listened to him. Perhaps because they're too into their own problems.
Perhaps because he never let anyone get to his heart.
Not even to Pickle.
Of course he softened up to him and shows his most genuine self when it comes to both Pickle & Mic, but...
He wasn't able at all to be vulnerable completely.
But. It's also how he does show that weakness with Mic-
He tells her that what Trophy did to him hurted his feelings. Hurting a jerk's feelings is a very big thing. But here's the thing; Knife represses those feelings and keeps the act no matter what.
But he still failed himself.
"I won't get involved", he got involved with Microphone and told her his own pains.
The whole talk he had with Suitcase- the "bunch of jerks" part. How he seems to be even angrier than Suitcase was at how Nickel was acting towards her.
How bitter he was with Trophy when he said "You're a jock and I'm a jerk" once BB defended him.
How hurt he was when Microphone still defended Taco.
How... how he told Pickle that if he held onto the past, he would never be able to grow and get better on the end.
In a way, Knife is a really good friend, a very smart player and a very clever guy.
He's too emotionally aware to let his feelings weight him down or interfere on his game- even if he's hurt by those whom he thought of as close (Microphone), even if he messed up things for someone he cared about (Suitcase).
In a way. I think that Knife does mean what he says to them. He does mean it a lot.
But, I also think that he may be saying what he wanted to hear when he needed that same type of comfort.
He feels alone. And he hasn't connected with anyone properly to say the least. Sure, cracking jokes, being teammates and encouraging them is something. But actual friendships?
Knife doesn't really. Have them. At all, at least.
You could also argue that it is because most people at the hotel are jerks- which made things more difficult for him. But having Pickle made things easier too.
If it were on canon terms- the good relationships he does have are with three guys, and he stopped talking properly with one of them, and two of them are at the Hotel now
He cared, but now they're not there anymore.
He cares so so much about everyone, but they're all so self centered- too into their own for him to actually get around their heads. He can't get that connection at all.
But.
Do you also realize how Knife's friendships are all with emotionally driven, emotionally vulnerable characters?
Whether they're good or bad emotions doesn't matter. But they don't truly think before acting. Which is the complete opposite of what Knife does.
But the best relationships he has are just so sad.
Nickel? He thinks too much and won't take in count the feelings of others- thinks too much on what could be the best for his team instead of what they truly want. He's shit at emotional stuff. Not like Knife.
Suitcase? Too emotion driven. Always wanting to make excuses- always wanting to be on good terms with everyone. Thinks with her heart most of times, and is scared to speak up her mind.
Microphone? ... She's his complete opposite. Loud, vulnerable and wants to be recognized for who she is. She's selfless. She's always thinking on what is best for others, and then thinks of herself. Heart driven.
Pickle? A sweetheart, naive but kind. Thinks of his friendships too highly, and is unable to let go of the past since it still hurts like hell. But he does want to get better. Heart driven.
Knife truly only got intimacy with Pickle and Mic.
But.
Who's to say that he isn't longing to be his true self?
Who's to say that he just doesn't want to cry his heart out and scream for days in the end?
Who's to say that he doesn't feel responsible to some degree?
He was always there for others.
But he never let himself be the one to be taken care of.
And I think that's just very important for his whole arc.
He is so emotionally repressed that he just wants to be there for those that need help too- he doesn't want them to feel alone. Even if they're stubborn as fuck.
So that's ALSO why Taco and Knife CAN'T even stand eachother.
Not only because of what Taco did to Pickle.
Knife is too emotionally aware.
Taco isn't.
Taco made both Pickle and Microphone like they were worthless due to her lack of understanding at emotions and such.
And you know what Knife did? He made them FEEL better.
He made sure they knew that they weren't broken- that they're not a mess, that they're not pathetic or a failure. That they're okay. That they will be okay with time.
That they should be kind to themselves.
Knife isn't kind to himself by any means.
So that's why he calls himself a jerk! He's being a jerk to himself in many ways!
Not letting himself form true friendships at all (he only truly did form one with Mic at the end since, she was out of the game and such), not letting himself show that he is in fact hurt, covering his sadness/pain with frustration or anger, doesn't let himself be vulnerable in the slighest, hides his own feelings all the time, doesn't show that he does also infact feel out of place on his team
Doesn't let himself show how much he craves company.
Because that's not what a jerk is.
But there's only so much he can truly do about it.
End of Analysis.
#inanimate insanity#ii#inanimate insanity invitational#inanimate insanity knife#Inanimate Insanity microphone#inanimate insanity pickle#inanimate insanity suitcase#inanimate insanity trophy#Inanimate Insanity taco#inanimate insanity nickel#ii knife#ii microphone#ii pickle#ii suitcase#ii nickel#ii taco#ii trophy#btw this isn't a hate post to taco. she is very well written but she's also a shit friend in canon. just wanted to clarify!#osc#object show#max overanalyzes characters
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I don’t think Tim’s pain should be excused, however nobody seems to be acknowledging how DISRESPECTFUL Tim was toward Lucy in last episode … actually making not want them back together because he’s treating her like she meant nothing to him
Hey Anon!
I needed to take some time to answer your question for several reasons. One of them being that I didn't want it to be bundled (also in my head) with hateful comments about me being Tim defender. More importantly, I wanted to really think about what to say here. My answer is going to be one of tl;dr so here goes my general reflections about fandom, TV shows and life.
Firstly, someone said here very wisely at some point that it is great, how different we see scenes, dialogues and react to character building. I also think this is what makes things interesting as long as we keep our discussion civilized and open-minded.
Please, I don't want you, dear Anon, to find this lengthy answer as invalidating to your reflections. You have every right to this judgment, to your emotions and wanting to skip shipping Chenford.
You know, I rarely watch TV shows to judge or relive the drama. I am a sucker for TV shows that are well written (and I consider The Rookie one of these) is that they usually give me a lot of reflection on different characters and all kinds of life situation. I watch them mostly to analyze. And Chenford situation atm is nothing if not a deep pool to explore :D
The analysis is what I really feel like doing with Tim (and a lot of other plots in The Rookie). His perspective is a very distant to one that I follow in my life and that's what makes it interesting for me. He is a deeply bruised man in an obvious mental health crisis. And thus I am not feeling like judging his moves. I want to understand what he does and why he does that.
I've been in a mental health crisis myself. And boy, I was desperate. I was looking for any kind of reassurance I'm doing OK. I was left and judged by my friends. I felt so alone.
So, to add up all that. The way I see this situation is that it's not disrespectful for me, as I try to find different colors of Tim. It's a deeply wrong reaction, a scheme that he tries to fall into. The (once) safe common ground with Lucy: a work talk (that's the same he does in new sneak peek of 6x08). It's not an excuse, it's more of an explanation. I don't think it's good or right what he did, but I get why he did it and he is in an extremely flawed place.
Of course, if we are talking of disrespect and things happening in the relationship we need to consider both sides. So there goes Lucy side. As I see it, Lucy is, well, she is strong. To start. She also knows her boundaries so well. She sets them immediately with Tim. And I don't think also that she found his part disrespectful. I think she treated this a facade, maybe a BS also a little bit. I think she really hopes Tim will get his sh*t together (he needs to, let's be honest about that too). I'm happy she won't let that done at the expense of herself.
I don't think I see any of the disrespectful dynamic written in their relationship. But then again, I wouldn't have chosen to be with a partner like Tim, because I need a healthy attachment style and a good communication (which all I found in the beautiful mind of my husband). I think I've also always been rooting for guys like Tim has to find the good path. So, yeah.
Thanks to any of you that decided to stick to the end of this answer. I hope it makes any sense.
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Hello..... may I ask for more Horropedia romantic headcanons about his love languages in recieving and giving? 👉👈 I really like your Pavia headcanons about it. If it's too much, then may I ask for just Horropedia's love language in receiving? This man has been haunting me in my mind for a long time and I starve for more stuff about him. Thank you very much! 💖💖
;R1999 HORROPEDIA - Love Languages (receiving)
Headcanons and analysis on Horropedia's love languages and the way he likes to receive attention.
I miss doing love language stuff, so ty for the request! it's only receiving stuff for this post since it might've gotten too long if I did both, but feel free to drop by again!
This one is a little tricky for me! I know I have a lot to say about the way Horropedia shows affection, but when it comes to the way he likes to receive affection, I don't think I have a super solid grasp?
When it comes to love as a general feeling, I know that Horropedia isn't used to it. It's not due to a lack of receiving it, that's for sure. Horropedia knows how love is supposed to feel thanks to the loving grandfather that raised him - but genuine affection, whether platonic or romantic, and acts of kindness are extremely hard to come by in an environment as sterile and harsh as the Foundation. At worst, they come with an invisible compromise.
This, mixed with the fact that people tend to avoid him, has certainly led Horropedia not to expect anything when it comes to love as a concept. "It's not his genre", he says.
In the context of giving, it's easy for him to adapt to it because he just has to figure out the rules - the things he's comfortable with doing that feel good for you, the deal breakers, the clichés and so on and so forth, but when it comes to receiving? Horropedia is a little lost, almost like he's used to experiencing things as an outsider and a observer, rather than an active participant. It's especially difficult if the things that he wants are considered non-conventional, outside of the traditional scope of romance. Or if his partner misunderstands his eagerness to learn and the ways he engages with these new feelings as disinterest or aloofness.
Like I said in that previous post about Horropedia's relationship headcanons, it's easy to misinterpret him and his actions if they're only read at a surface level, and through the lenses of conventional displays of love. Him putting the effort into understanding the rules of romance, to figure out everything there is to know about love and the nuance of this relationship he's in... That's exactly how he shows his affections.
But once again, what happens when it comes to Horropedia receiving love and affection? He likes when you're with him, but is that enough? Is there something deeper? Something he's missing?
I think it would be very cute if he tried to figure out which love languages he likes to receive, only to find out the answers were pretty obvious the whole time, much like the formula for every romcom out there.
Receiving: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation
[Quality Time]
Out of everyone I've written about so far in this blog, Horropedia would love quality time in it's purest form the most - getting to spend time with you all alone, focusing only on each other to catch up and bond sounds heavenly to him. The activity is the least of his concerns, he'd rather much focus on the fact that someone is going out of their way to make time for him, that they genuinely want him around and care about what he has to say.
Okay, bear with me for a moment. I like to think Horropedia is particular about his space and belongings, I definitely mentioned this a few times already throughout my posts, partially because of how cautious he had to be to keep the Foundation from taking away everything that made him feel safe and happy while growing up. And also because he's just wired like that, no other deep reasoning behind it. But once he grows comfortable, this sort of "stingy" and perhaps avoidant behaviour disappears almost entirely, because that's when he becomes eager to share his life in its entirety with those he cherishes.
The process of indulging in quality time with Horropedia, whether he's the one initiating or receiving, is actually just a very slow process of being welcomed into his life.
It starts very systematic and organized, I'd say - he would prefer to set up certain dates and times to hang out. For example, Sundays are special because they're the day you come around to hang out with him, so he can't have any other plans on Sundays and he'll certainly spend part of the week just anticipating this special day. But as he grows more comfortable, he would insist that you simply show up to his work station or room whenever you feel like it. That counts as quality time, right? You two are spending time together. Easy.
And this goes on and on, to the point where you're glued by the hip and that initial barrier is gone entirely - similar to Pavia, Horropedia would insist that you have permission to just wak into the places he considers a "safe space" from the world that keeps giving him weird looks or continues to chastise him for not adhering to the model of a Foundation member. He loves whenever you invite yourself to his movie marathons, when you just tag along to keep him company, or when you invite him to fun getaways, etc etc.
I know I said that Horropedia would enjoy quality time in the purest of its forms at the beginning of this entire section, but now I'm talking about how Horropedia considers quality time to every single second he spends with you. I have nothing to defend myself, so I'll just attribute that to his themes of redirection <3
[Words of Affirmation]
Horropedia likes when people are clear about their intentions and feelings the same way he is. Words of affirmation, to him, is intrinsically linked with understanding and transparent communication. Those are the things Horropedia seeks.
I think that questions are the easiest way to show this sort of love language to him. Yes, Horropedia would prefer to hear why you dislike a movie that he likes rather than hear you mindlessly praise it just to avoid upsetting him, he would rather be told that he's done a good job in his research, and all - but directly asking him for his thoughts and opinions, asking him to clarify or explain something in more detail... It makes Horropedia feel seen, finally heard, he's given the chance to unleash all of his intellect while knowing that someone is truly paying attention to him. You went out of our way to ask him, when you could've asked anyone else.
Not to say that compliments, declarations of love and sweet nothings are useless or unwanted! I do think that Horropedia is the type of guy who would love to be hyped up by his friends and loved ones, to have others tell him he's done a good job even if he already knows that, to have his partner tell him that they love him, even if he focuses more on actions rather than words. But it has to come hand in hand with that direct honesty, lest it come across as insincere or some back-handed comment.
I'm gonna go on another tangent here!
We've all talked about neurodivergency and Horropedia at some point or another, the idea of Horropedia masking is not strange or new at all. Him being aware of these invisible rules of conduct that others expect him to live up to exist out there, while also being unable to follow them or notice them right away at times - it's just the contradictory lifestyle us neurodivergent people have to lead.
I like to think that Horropedia has grown to be wary and cautious of acts of kindness around the Foundation staff because it's not something that he associates with a group like them. So being complimented out of the blue can give him pause. Something as small as telling him that his hair looks nice today, or that someone likes his clips and hair ties. Horropedia knows he must be on the look out for these double-edged words and back-handed compliments. Just look at the way other kids treated Vertin when they were all so young.
And yet, he feels so very happy and giddy when someone he trusts, who has proven that they're honest, gives him any sort of positive affirmations. Because he knows that these people mean what they say and say what they mean, as opposed to everyone else. This is when simple compliments can go a long way with him!
#reverse 1999#reverse: 1999#r1999#reverse 1999 x reader#reverse 1999 horropedia#horropedia#i keep forgetting my order of tags im so sorry
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hi. so i saw this gifset on the dash, and it's entirely too late for me to be awake doing this but i am now spiraling over kim's outfits. so anyway here goes nothing 👍
(below the cut is my descent into madness. you have been warned)
now when i saw these gifs i began musing in the tags, as one does, so here they are for context:
(feels truly unhinged to screenshot my own tags but oh well)
so once i started thinking i found it impossible to stop (as often is the case with this gay mafia business) and i decided to go through and look at each of kim's outfits. for science
now i know the fandom has looked at wardrobe stuff before, so it's very possible that someone has gone through this already. BUT! i'm already in way too deep here so i'm just gonna go ahead with this dfsdhgjsdf
kim's wardrobe is, to me at least, very interesting. you get a mix of things, depending on how he is presenting himself. for example:
(here we have wik, kim, and what seems to be something in between)
it's hard to differentiate between these styles at times, and i think that's purposeful bc kim appears to dart between personas: beloved singer, distant son, solo detective... the list goes on
so first things first! i was largely right about the jacket thing! in most every one of his outfits, he has some kind of jacket on. however, the first time we actually see him without a jacket is actually in this scene where he gifts chay with the guitar:
(hasty screenshot to prove my point and yet jeff is still doing the jeff thing. bless)
okay so i was wrong about that. i think the jacketless look is definitely intentional on his part – to help him seem unguarded, especially since he is giving a gift – but the first instance is still not the scene i thought it was. however!!! there is one thing i'm really excited about, and it's about the next thought i had in the tags...
every time kim wears white it relates to chay.
now you may be thinking, wren. is that really the case, or is this claim a bit of a stretch? and now i answer.... *gestures helplessly* some of this may be a stretch! but i can explain, and i will!
let's look at the instances of kim in white then, shall we?
#1
this, to me, is a quintessential wik look. far more approachable than the full black leather, and even his typical sleuthing fits (although a lot of it is in his mannerisms tbh, remember that withering look he gave big?). now this one miiiight be a stretch... but to me it still fits my thesis bc i feel like kim dressed this way for chay on purpose so he would look more like one of his peers. just my two cents
#2
first sleuthing scene where white is involved. here, kim is investigating porsche's (and therefore, chay's) parents, and he gets a call from chay, which he ignores. everything and nothing in this scene is about chay; he's not in it but he actually is. (now if you're thinking, wren, that doesn't make any sense... you are not the only one. idk what i'm talking about. let's carry on)
#3
our boy in songwriting mode! worth noting that, with the combination of the shirt and the pants, there is more white going on here than usual. here, instead of avoiding chay, he actively remembers him and even looks a little.. fond? *gasp*
#4
the confession scene :') this one is particularly interesting bc it's the same jacket kim wears when he's in full dark mafia mode (more on that later). like most instances of kim in white, it's a dark jacket with white peeking through, and this scene might be the best instance of that. he reaches back when chay offers his feelings, and opens the door to.. a relationship? idk but something with emotions
#5
(jeffrey, sweetie, i'm so sorry about the screenshot quality. consider it retribution for your gender crimes?)
NOW. here is the look that made me start this deranged analysis in the first place. not only is it sans mafia jacket, but it is a full white shirt! he cuddles chay on the couch! they talk (?) about their feelings (?) ... well i mean, he's clearly having a hard time being vulnerable, but at least there is progress being made :)
#6
(bad screenshot, bad moment. they r matching)
would you believe the next white-wearing instance is THIS MISERABLE SCENE. the jacket's back on, he's desperately trying to put up his guard again, and he blatantly lets chay think that he never had feelings for him (lies lies and more lies... we all hate it here :D)
#7
look. i'm aware this is the biggest stretch yet bahaha. i mean my man is dressed for SCHOOL. however. the focus of this scene is him learning that chay didn't show for his audition, so it still fits in my book!! idc idc
#8
(if you look at chay's hair here, this scene also has bisexual lighti- *gets shot*)
pretty self-explanatory, he shows up to the bar to fight chay's friends and confront chay. about as chay-related as you can get
#9
finally! the Human Shirt™ !! about as on-the-nose as you can get, really. while wearing a white shirt that reads "human" and no jacket, kim has, demonstrably, his most human moment in the show: he breaks down crying over chay. cue jeff acting his heart out while his own song plays in the background (why don't you stayyyy~)
#10
it's a flashback scene, but we see kim watching chay in the studio. he's mostly guarded, but a little white comes through. good stuff
#11
putting these together bc they are two different moments but the same outfit. 1) kim learns that porsche and chay have disappeared, and 2) he contemplates the state of things after korn's "death". i put the family moment here too especially bc of what he tells kinn: "you don't have time to think about other stuff anymore", basically "eyes on the prize". now perhaps this only applies to his older brother, but in the case that we apply it to him.. we can't really be sure whether he is sticking to his personal main goal or breaking from his own advice. i suspect the former bc at this point, he seems to see chay as his main priority, despite his family's situation (again idk if this makes sense, but just. go with it. lol)
#12
dare i say? the sexiest example?? no mafia jacket, full white shirt, and yet, unlike the other white shirt instances, this one isn't about his emotional vulnerability with chay. no no, here he takes out six guys without much difficulty, in an attempt to protect chay (and then he leaves the bodies, but still! the love is there!)
(a gif for fun! worth pointing out that kim also acts to protect chay the first time he wears that white shirt... :0)
in conclusion... idk what i am talking about, and frankly, if you are still reading this post i am very impressed lol. but yay kim's clothes and motifs, fashion as a disarming tactic, and white as a color of vulnerability!
#i apologize this is so very unhinged#would you believe i did all this instead of working on my wip.#also i don't know anything about color theory tee hee#i was not joking about it being too late for this pls i am so tired#late night rant that became sort of meta?#much to think about#kim theerapanyakul#kimchay#kpts#kp meta#ramblings
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Omg you like SatoSugu and Soukoku too? I’ve GOTTA hear your thoughts on them
If I start talking about my relationship with these two ships I might actually end up sobbing while I write this- But basically, both Soukoku and Satosugu are really important to me because the whole dynamic of "best friends to enemies who still have feelings for each other" reminds me of something that happened to me with my former best friend. Which is, uh, not pleasant to talk about but we had a very nasty break up and I think it's a very common experience. Somebody said something once (in my post about Shuggy making more sense if they were girls) about these ships always resembling friendships between sapphics that don't know they're sapphics yet, which changed my whole view on these three ships completely because oh lord, that person was so damn right. Because it's the possessiveness of it all, you know? Like- Being close to your best friend, so much it hurts to see them with other people and so much it's frightening to think about a world without them. You have so many feelings about this person that you can't quite place and you can't put a name to, but it's more than a friendship and it's not romantic love either. And it makes more sense being a closeted sapphic because you don't accept it might probably be love until the friendship ends in a very nasty and toxic way and then you keep resenting that person forever.
I am kind of traumadumping here, lmfao, but basically I really like these three ships because they treat this dynamic in very different ways and I am a sucker for them. The angst is immaculate and I'll never get tired of them.
I like Soukoku for a lot of reasons, BSD being my favorite manga of all time and everything. Dazai meets Chuuya when he doesn't have any reason to live but keeps working for the mafia nevertheless because Chuuya is interesting enough to keep being alive. Because perhaps that's what Dazai has been looking for. And Chuuya, well- He has mixed feelings for Dazai but his loyalty is unmatched and that's both his best and worst trait (we see that constantly, poor boy). Dazai is still, after everything, his partner. They need each other, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. They're basically canonically soulmates, at this point, and you don't even need to ship them to acknowledge it because it's just that obvious. Chuuya is the only one able to keep Dazai wanting to live and Dazai is quite literally the only one with the ability to stop Chuuya from losing control. They really are made for each other. It makes me go completely insane. The whole thing about Chuuya not being a human but being the most human and empathetic person of the mafia, and Dazai saying he isn't worthy of being called human but being physically one? That's just insane. And I could talk for hours about them and write a deeper analysis of their relationship, but I'd never finish this post, then.
Then, Satosugu. They make me equally insane. They were best friends. They were so damn close. And Gojo loved him so much that he couldn't stop Geto when he turned his back on him and walked away to become what he is now. It's just so heartbreaking, losing someone like that and all of a sudden. We see Geto losing himself over the years and falling into desperation and emptiness and Gojo not noticing until it's just too late to do anything. That's Gojo's weak spot. He's the most powerful sorcerer and dude can't fight his ex best friend because "there's no curse more twisted than love". That fucked me up completely, honestly. Gojo is such a complex character, growing up so quickly and with so many expectations, not being able to enjoy his teenage years either because they stole them from him like this. And Geto ending up all alone too, turning into just a vessel of vengeance. Like- Shit is too deep to explain it in just a tumblr post, but they make me go insane.
And Shuggy is basically the same thing but at least these two have the chance to make up and reunite at some point. Shuggy is the one that feels more realistic to me, honestly, because it genuinely feels only like a normal falling out between best friends (that definitely were something more) rather than this complicated poetic mix of metaphors and poems. These two were just kids when all of this happened, too, it makes me so ill. But I have a whole post talking about Shuggy too, so I don't think I need to explain why I like them.
TL;DR: These ships are definitely for the sapphics who had THAT best friend and had very strong feelings toward them but didn't know why, and years after a very nasty break up that still haunts them to this day they realized it was a bit more than just a friendship.
#could this work for non-sapphics too? yes. but i'm a lesbian and i'm making this about me#i love all these ships and they make me go so fucking insane#they make me want to cry every damn time#ughhhh#one piece#dazai osamu#chuuya nakahara#soukoku#gojo satoru#geto suguru#satosugu#buggy the clown#red haired shanks#shuggy#bungou stray dogs#jujutsu kaisen
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I think you have talked about this before, if so, i’m sorry for ask, but what about a more in deep analysis on Pavitr’s personality and why he’s not some emasculated uwu boy, especially for the ones who wants to write about him
I actually haven't talked about this before, so thanks for the idea! Hopefully what I wrote answers your ask properly, and if not pls let me know! <3
I made two posts to answer your question, the first being this post and another being an analysis on Pavitr's personality which I'll post as soon as I finish it. Let me know if you'd like to be added to the tag list or if you would like a specific place for me to post it! I'll link it here once I've written it <3
Stop Writing Pavitr As An Emasculated uwu Boy
He's not.
So why do people write Pavitr Prabhakar this way in the first place? The main reason is:
Internalized Toxic Masculinity
We as a society have become so used to seeing men being aggressive and brooding, ESPECIALLY male superheroes. We see a lot of superheroes like Batman who're extremely broody, don't talk a lot, and are overall the strong silent type. We have superheroes like Captain America who never cry, rarely get angry, and rarely show vulnerability. In general, celebrated male characters in the media tend to be dominant and aggressive, because those are the traits that society has decided make men men.
Note: I'm not saying that these characters never show emotion and I'm not saying every celebrated male character is like this, I'm just explaining the connections between what I've noticed and the research I've done on the symptoms of toxic masculinity
Gender norms have corrupted our understanding of what it is to be masculine. Women are expected to be polite, calm, accommodating, and take good care of the way they look. Men are expected to be bold, aggressive and strong. Women are supposed to spend a lot of time on their hair and clothes, while men don't care about those things. Men are supposed to spend their days watching sports and wrestling, but women aren't interested in those things.
Because of these celebrated norms, when people see a character that cares about the way they look, is optimistic, calm, caring, sweet, they immediately think that that character is feminine. Why? Because we've been told that women are all those qualities and men are not. We've been told that women are kind and sweet while men are bold and strong.
So how does this connect to Pavitr's characterization in the media?
Note: This does not apply to headcanons. If you want to headcanon him as trans, as a femboy, or some other OOC thing, feel free to do so. This is specifically for people trying to write him accurately.
Pavitr was introduced as an excited, carefree young boy who's optimistic, kind, funny, etc. He talks about his hair, he openly talks about his relationship with his girlfriend, Gayatri, he swings around by dancing and doing poses, and has a love for street dogs.
He is not portrayed as bold, aggressive, dominant, competitive or stoic. He is not effortlessly attractive and he cares about the way he looks, and he cares about how he presents himself. He is not self-sufficient and he talks about living with his aunt, having friends, having a girlfriend, and the Spider Society.
These are all traits which traditionally masculine men portray, but Pavitr does not.
But does this make him feminine?
NO.
Having feminine qualities does not make you completely feminine. Having masculine qualities does not make you completely masculine. Just because you have one or two feminine qualities, it doesn't mean your entire personality and actions are all going to be feminine.
Pavitr portrays some feminine qualities. However, he also proves that he is strong, quick-thinking, tough, and sarcastic. Are these are traditionally feminine traits? No. But, people are ignoring all these qualities and switching them to turn him into an emasculated femboy, which just isn't accurate.
Note: The same thing happens vice versa where a female character will show a couple of masculine traits and people will say she's trans, or just call her a bitch because she's "aggressive" which is extremely sexist and a product of years worth of internalized misogyny.
Just because he likes the way he looks, doesn't mean he's gay.
Just because he dances when he swings, doesn't mean he's a femboy.
Just because he has a colorful suit doesn't mean he's an uwu boy.
Stop feeding into gender norms and write characters properly. Write him like the 13/14 year old Indian boy he is, and integrate the qualities he has in the movie to make him accurate! If you don't know how to write him, ask an Indian writer how to make him accurate to his character! Ask an Indian fan how they believe Pavitr would act and I promise you, it'll be twice as accurate as whatever random headcanons people are placing onto him right now.
Why is this harmful?
Lets talk about SOUTH ASIAN REPRESENTATION.
For the longest time, South Asians have been portrayed on screen as nerdy techies, comedians, cabbies or corner-store owners. These inauthentic portrayals of South Asians, especially Indians are harmful to the South Asian narrative and help further negative stereotypes about our race and our culture.
South Asian culture has been portrayed by Hollywood as dirty, overly traditional, and movies representing South Asian culture ten to be Oscar-baiting movies made by white men that border on poverty porn.
There are few and I mean FEW well-made and well-researched South Asian characters in the media. I'd say two of the only well-written Indian characters in western media right now are Kingo from Eternals and Ali from Squid Game and even they have kinks they need to work out.
PAVITR IS IMPORTANT TO US!!
We finally got a South Asian character who speaks Hindi, lives in India, eats and drinks South Asian cuisine, has a South Asian girlfriend and a suit that screams cultural representation! His character was written by Indian writers and contained elements of India that aren't poking fun at our culture and our traditions!
He is REPRESENTATION.
So represent him properly.
Write him properly
For the brown kids that never got to see a superhero that looked like them when they were growing up.
As always, sources under the cut <3
#across the spiderverse#atsv#miles morales#spiderman atsv#beyond the spiderverse#pavitr prabhakar#indian representation#spiderman india#spiderverse pavitr#atsv pavitr#pavitr my beloved#itsv#spiderman: across the spiderverse#spiderman across the verse#spider man: across the spider verse#indian writer#desi representation#desiblr#desi tumblr#desi writers#representation matters#pavitr is important to us#dont ruin that#for the brown kids that never got to see a superhero that looked like them growing up#spider man across the spider verse#spiderman across the spiderverse#across the spider verse
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Love For Yashiro Nene ⍣ ೋ
A Yashiro Nene in-depth analysis;
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Introduction:
When it comes to all romance and scary urban legends, you can always trust Yashiro Nene to give you a passionate rant and a cry about them both. This little mermaid is the protagonist of Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun! Also definitely a regular girl! Here I’ll be going on a deep-dive on her, down to the surface level to the deep waters. From everything and anything I can think of her, it will be covered as that’s what Yashiro deserves.
Personality:
Yashiro Nene is the one of the normal people out when it comes to the world of Toilet Bound Hanako-Kun. She comes from a relatively normal family, had a regular childhood, and overall your run in the mill high school girl. She has a love for the occult and supernatural stories, as well as idol games! Her enjoyment of urban legends is reminiscent or shown through her uniform as she was a skull brooch. She also think they are pretty cute. Yashiro also has a knack of referencing fairytale stories like Cinderella or Snow White whenever she can.
What sets her apart however, is her love for romance. Her love for the wonder that is romance is less than normal. Yashiro is very quick to fall for any man who’s even remotely like the princes from fairy tales. And quickly does she fall, as she started gardening, sewing, etc, all to appease a man who she hardly talked to. The plot of TBHK even started because she wanted to be in a relationship with Minamoto Teru, somebody who also doesn’t know her. With her extended knowledge of scary stories, it led her to the story of Hanako, who can grant any wish. And like the little mermaid, she took the chance without any hesitation.
Yashiro’s fixation of love led her to a multitude of problems, including her becoming the priestess of Hanako, becoming a “mermaid”, etc. As well as her overall recklessness and impatience. However Yashiro is a very kind and sweet individual. After a few chapters with Hanako, she already dubbed him fun to hang out with, so he’s already her friend! She’s always willing to help others and to trust, to the point of nativity. She is a woman who believes in trust over suspicion, she once said. Along with her nativity, she can be quite sensitive, to be hurt from sly comments or overzealous at compliments. She is also very quick to forgive and forget. However, Yashiro is a good person who later learns throughout the story to be more careful. Even her fixation on love dies down, but she still gets into bad situations due to that same recklessness she still has in the beginning.
She is not swayed by love as much in the story, but it still begs the question. Why did she do all this for the sake of love? Of having her prince of her own? To do tasks as rigorous as gardening, sewing, and kiss a frog once. Yashiro even got herself cursed, potentially for life. It’s not *true* love as spoken by Hanako, she will settle for anyone who would reciprocate her feelings. So why? All for herself. I believe that to her, romance was just as important to eat, or breathe. Yashiro didn’t want a romantic partner. She just believed it was a necessity for her to have a romantic partner as that was the only way for her to live her life. Many young girls such as Yashiro fall for the ideology that romance is the key to life, that you must have it to enjoy life to the fullest.
Yashiro calls out this ideology in both Yako and Sumire. As Sumire *longed* for Hakubo, No.6, though it was because of her own loneliness that she longed for a companion, and the only one she could trust was him. It’s the same for Yako as well. All of them really just wanted a partner who could ease their loneliness and/or give fulfillment to their life.
Unlike Sumire and Yako however, she managed to recognize and overcome that part of herself. As I have started before, in the coming pages Yashiro she focuses on romance less. The manga starts to turn for the worst during the coming events, especially when we learn of Yashiro’s demise. She will die in less than a year. She won’t be able to graduate, play games, hear any more scary urban legends, hang out with friends, none of that.
As a result, Hanako tries to keep her in a picture perfect world, so that she can at least live her life in peace, but Yashiro rejects it. Instead of succumbing to fear of dying, she manages to stomp through it. She exclaims how she wants to face what was real, not a phony bliss Hanako tried putting up for her. Yashiro’s goal in life went from finding a romantic partner to just living her life to the fullest, to the ripe age of 100. To experience the good, and bad, everything. Even when she had lost Hanako and Aoi, two people she holds very dearly, she triumphs that too. She puts on a brave face and gives it her all.
It’s utterly remarkable how she manages to withstand all this, especially when any ordinary person like her would have broken down. It’s easy to forget how out of the loop Yashiro is from this. A year prior to this, she had no idea that the stories she loved so much were that real.
Yashiro puts on a brave face and perseveres. We can give credit where credit is due. She is trying her best and persisting, yet it doesn’t make her invincible. She has her moments in which she just can not take it. In chapter 96, does she really break down telling Hanako she would gladly die to save Aoi and the others. Yashiro greatly values her friends, so it’s no surprise that she’ll be willing to sacrifice herself for them, as she really does have a pure heart. There’s also another factor, more specifically for Hanako, how she doesn’t take death all so seriously, and wants to be supernatural if it means that she’ll be with Hanako. Over the chapters, she has started to cultivate a multitude of issues due to the situations that Hanako is putting her through. It’s upsetting and disturbing to see a once bright girl turn so bleak. Her changing of goals is a mark of her growing up, but it’s because she *has* to grow up fast in order to even keep up with the events. We have seen her breakdown multiple times, even right now she can’t catch a break with what’s happening to Kou, her best friend. Yashiro Nene at first got to be sensitive and kind, but now with all that’s occurring she will have to be strong.
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#jshk analysis#jshk manga#tbhk analysis#tbhk manga#toilet bound hanako kun#yashiro nene#nene yashiro#jshk yashiro#tbhk yashiro#aoinene#hananene#analysis❀ུ۪ ﾟ
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WILBUR SOOT CHART ANALYSIS.
— Most of my analysis focus more on the negative impacts simply for the fact that I am attempting to contextualize most of his actions we discuss, as we talk mostly about his love life and his lyrics, and well, the bad parts of him, since we are critical. Though I will talk about positive aspects at a lot of points. I chose to do from Sun to Mars as those are the most "important" aspects, I might do something on the more secondary placements another day. Enjoy! Send asks and curiouscats about it, if you have something to say.
Virgo sun, 2nd house.
Plus, Virgos look for something concrete, while the rest of him, we will get to it, is kind of fighting against it. Virgo is Wilbur’s essence, it's who he truly is, it's the most important aspect, so for him to heal this part, specially as his.
His Sun is in the second house which might cause most of his insecurities, Wilbur seeks security, he seeks to do exactly right, the moment he fails at relationships, at any goal, it's prone to destroying him. Every failure is hell.
Libra Moon, 3rd house.
Here we get to the hell in and out of it itself, so Libra moon by itself is not a problem, yet, in this house and in conjunction with Virgo, it really causes a reaction of emotions that is rather complicated. Because here it is, Virgo already needs to have strong connections, they can though live without them, Libra moon cannot, it's absolutely horrifying to not have, Libra needs desperately to have a partnership with someone, living without it can cause a deep, deep set, emptiness. Also, there's a trait shared by Virgo and Libra moon, their ability to find problems everywhere, specially in other people, which causes conflict, and after that, the feeling of losing this partnership because of this problem, once again, destroys him.
And now the 3rd house, where it all goes even more to shit, Virgos are rational, avoid emotions, so to balance that out, the moon should act as a facilitator to that, but well, as much as Libra moon is not bad at feelings, the 3rd house is. It's 8 or 80, emotions are either extremely rationalized and looked over, avoided, or it's in big bursts. AND AND AND, this we saw so CLEARLY in him, his opinions are always changing, and there's a tendency of him to change for people, change who he is. ALSO!!!!! This placement has something very important, they seek a change of scenery, they need to move constantly, start new things, because they will get anxious and restless with, well, settling with something and staying somewhere for a long time.
Plus, I don't even have to explain, this moon placement also really really is influenced by early childhood memories, so the struggles of his childhood are very, very influential in who he is.
Leo rising.
This one kinda makes me feel bad for him, so basically, Leo risings are painfully self aware and conscious of their appearance and how they're sounding, that remembering every person who ever rejected him fits this so perfectly. Now, put that together with Virgo, his insecurities are SO strong in his life, like he's so insecure it's SAD.
But most of who he is comes from it too, Leo risings are always popular, always take leading roles, always start shit, the band, the content creation, the writing of lore, as much as his insecurities come from here too, he's also always going to be popular, because it's part of his nature. He has a natural charm that is seen in Libra moon too.
Virgo mercury, 2nd/3rd house
It's a good placement to be honest, it does end up bringing insecurity too but, it just means he's intelligent, good communicator, curious, likes to go deep, to create, pay attention to details, though he really enjoys being known by his intelligence so any time he isn't, it definitely isn't his favorite thing.
Both 2nd and 3rd houses are great, big highlight on intelligence and big highlight on creativity, also big nerd, loves reading, researching, being connected and having interests. The 3rd house especially is crazy, he has so many interests, and he always goes deep in them.
This placement literally says, this man is autistic, or at least autistic coded.
Leo Venus, 1st house.
That's what you guys want isn't it you cunts, let's talk about love. Well, if you want to know the good, they're love bombers, extreme love bombers, they will court you, they enjoy the chase, they need you, they will die for you. Well, for a while at least. The expectations are always extremely high, so high it's almost impossible to reach them, and when you do, they have this urge to be the absolute focus of your life, they want to be seen as God by you basically, that's where most his relationships fail, he imagines this relationship, and then gets hurt by the fact that reality isn't exactly what he thought it would be.
Wilbur is insecure, by nature, by every placement, so well, as much as some people might think not, him having this placement means he is incredibly high maintenance in love, incredibly so. He needs to be reassured, he needs to hear, he needs declarations. I think that's what killed him with Amelia, he wasn't the light of her life, and she replaced him, quickly. That scarred every single relationship he had ever since, that Libra factor of avoidance comes back here, he might leave and be bored before the person even proves themselves, because the trauma of having everything he wanted in love proven to him not true really scarred him.
Shubble could be in the same situation, the conflict of getting that spotlight from her and from other people, the expectations he put. ALL HIS PLACEMENTS WERE CONSPIRING AGAINST THEM! Absolutely insane.
He will not only love bomb btw, he will leave everyone and everything behind for a relationship, he deposits not only his self worth, but his happiness and his livelihood for LOVE! Silly, but so me and so bpd…
Talking about BPD, it's in the first house, which means, deep love can turn into DEEP resentment when it ends. Also he needs so badly to be liked by others that as well can cause all these feelings, not liking him, or rejecting him, can be seen as a crime.
Mars in Leo, 1st house.
Again, he needs admiration, he needs the spotlight, not having it is awful, simply not his reality. This placement reinforces that he needs to mean something, to be something, to be something great, something big, and it makes his fear of not being even deeper, all of his placements seem to simply reinforce each other, to deepen his fears and insecurities.
— Ending notes: Wilbur is an intelligent person, with leadership skills and a very very strong urge to be loved, to be devoted, to shine, to be something big. His biggest fears are the lack of that, the feeling of mediocrity, boringness, and settlement. He's anxious and insecure, to a point that it ruins most of the good things in his life, a natural overachiever, who never seems to rest. Hopeless romantic, he needs love, and quick, and deep, and intense, but also is afraid of it simply not being that, because trying made him realize it rarely is. He's interesting, high maintenance and sometimes hard to deal with, but still, all his placements show loyalty, charm, kindness and power.
This power especially, he needs to be in control of himself, of others, of how he is perceived and he needs to control his appearance to others, he strives to be perfect, universally loved, but always, no matter how much of that he seems to have. It simply isn't enough.
#emophilza nation#critblr#wilbur soot#emophilza astrology#charlie speaks#charlie analyzes#chart reading
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MANY THOUGHTS HEAD FULL, it's analysis time
So, Ruby has been blaming herself for a number of deaths, or at the very least, beating herself up about not being "good enough" to save them. Pyrrha and Penny especially, given the circumstances. Chapter 8 made that pretty clear, right?
This was all part of this period in her life where she has struggled with that heaviness, that feeling of never being enough. This is the period of her life that took her down to her lowest. She was in her caterpillar stage, if you will.
Once she hit rock bottom, she was taken to the tree, and quite literally cocooned in it. She was forced to confront her guilt and self-doubt, which is what needed to happen in order for her to rise. The tree represents change, rebirth, metamorphosis.
And when she emerged, she left those shackles behind. She realized she had been enough all along, and accepted herself, imperfections and all.
She's moved on to a new period in her life. That era of giving away pieces of herself and sacrificing her own well-being, of feeling inadequate, is over. She no longer carries the weight of Pyrrha and Penny's deaths on her shoulders.
In that way, Pyrrha and Penny represent the past, and Ruby's aforementioned guilt and self-doubt in chapter 8.
It's heavy, so heavy it's crushing her, but she feels like she can't let go of it. And that's what was preventing her from moving forward, what was holding her back.
But what about the future, and what could be?
In chapter 8, Oscar and Little both represent the future, and the people Ruby hasn't lost yet.
She's shown both of their deaths, real or not, and it's enough to break her. What is the point in fighting if everyone she loves is just going to die anyway? How could she ever look any of them in the eye again if she isn't good enough to protect them, even now?
This is the manifestation of Ruby's greatest fear.
But, at the same time...
...they also represent the good things the future could hold.
Little has ascended and become Somewhat. They found their purpose, and came back as a better version of themselves. Somewhat may not have Little's memories...but the heart rarely forgets, right? The bond Ruby had with Little is still there, deep down. Just because they're gone, and they may not see Somewhat ever again...that doesn't mean she has to leave them behind. They live on as a part of her memories.
EDIT: and how could I forget!!! Ruby's one act of kindness is what led Little to becoming Somewhat, becoming what they needed to be. Ruby's actions and decisions can lead to good, even remarkable things, in the future. And this is proof!
"Nothing, no one, is ever truly gone."
Oscar has the courage to face whatever it is the future holds for him. He is afraid, and he doesn't deny that, he fights on in spite of it. He is a very open and honest person, and he could see Ruby's pain from the beginning. He sees her.
And something is budding between Ruby and Oscar. Something is going to shift once they reunite, as they've both been made painfully aware of how it would feel to lose each other. How will their relationship grow from here? Will they find comfort and safety in each other? Will they grow even closer? I believe it was Miles himself who said their relationship is still being defined. Who knows what the future holds for the both of them, together?
Unlike the past, the future is uncertain. It could lead to many things, both good and bad.
With the end of this volume, we've reached a very big turning point. Ruby has taken the first steps toward the future, ready to leave the weight of the past behind.
#rwby#rwby9#ruby rose#rosegarden?? in MY analysis post?? unheard of /s#he's just such an important part of her narrative#if you disagree with that idk what to tell you#you're just wrong lmao
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Okay, you want to talk Ronsey, you better buckle up! (This is going to be long, sorry!)
As the formerly known TRK Anon, I can confidently say that trc is still somewhat fresh in my mind, so I have lots of examples to support my argument. Now, given that I have only read the series once, my character analysis might not be as deep or intense as yours.
If you don't know already, I am a huge Gansey lover/supporter/follower/fan/worshiper/bitch. (Will Patton’s rendition of Gansey drives me absolutely feral!!!!) I have loved him since the very first time we know about his existence (Which is page 15 of TRB). If Gansey is part of the equation, I ship it! Bluesey, Ronsey, Declansey, Adansey, HELL…even Chengsey (I could care less about Henry, so the fact that I acknowledge this ship is a big gesture on my part) I just want to make it clear that I am not an Adansey hater, it's just not my kind of jam (*shrugs*)
I know that what Gansey means to me, Adam is to you. But Adam was tough for me. Like REAL TOUGH to discern. It was not until halfway through TRK (practically when Pynch becomes canon) that I was finally able to appreciate him, to see him eye to eye and say: You ARE knowable. I will give it to Adam, he has the best, most memorable, character growth/development in the entire series (Ronan being a close second). But his stubbornness during TRB/TDT was so unbearable to me. He was such a DICK to Gansey. And yes, there were instances when Gansey deserved it (like the hospital scene) but most of their interactions (at the beginning of the series) are somewhat tense. They are constantly walking on eggshells, afraid to trigger/offend/provoke the other. There are MULTIPLE references to them fighting pre-canon, mostly about money, occasionally about who owns who. The whole DC trip was so stressful for all parties involved. In fact, Adam was so unapproachable that Gansey and Blue kept their relationship a secret because of how difficult he had been back then. (Honestly, I think he would have unalive them both) Plus, he is a hypocrite (I guess we all are) because when the rent thing happens, he goes to Gansey first and throws a fit about it!! But when he finds out that Ronan actually paid his rent, he is “cool” about it. He doesn’t argue with him. He doesn’t feel offended. He just accepts it (it being both the money and the fact). The one thing that really upsets me is Adam wanting the favor for himself. I understand why he wants it, but he knows it is Gansey’s life purpose to find Glendower. It feels like a betrayal, you know? I just cannot stand people being mean to Gansey, it triggers me!!!!
And yes, I get it, there are some good moments between them. Like the call with Mallory when Gansey is trying to make Adam laugh. Or Adam fixing/diagnosing the pig. Or the two of them being ushers on Raven Day. But these moments are so…normal (mundane?) that they don’t feel special.
To me, Adansey is a somewhat “toxic” ship. It is a one-sided relationship, because Gansey gives and gives and Adam refuses to take. Adam practically (and literally) loathes? abhors? despises? everything that Gansey stands for (money, friendship, status, family, you get the gist). How can you possibly love someone that is the poster child of everything you hate?! I think Adansey would be the perfect ship for enemies to friends to lovers.
But Ronsey, oh my dear Ronsey!!!! To me, Ronsey is all about Gansey and Ronan meeting before Niall’s death. The way Gansey describes Ronan before his father’s death is so intoxicating. Gansey mourning the joyful boy that Ronan used to be. Gansey getting emotional over Ronan’s laugh. Gansey being completely and utterly amazed by Ronan’s dream creations (“You incredible creature”). Ronan being unconditionally devoted to Gansey. Ronan being devastated that Gansey has other friends; that Gansey is going to DC with Adam and not him. Ronan and Gansey. Gansey and Ronan. Maybe I am not making any sense right now because my brain convulses just thinking about these two.
They have been through it all. God, there are so many moments pre-canon that I wish we could get to experience. Can you imagine Gansey panicking at the hospital with Ronan’s blood in his hands? Can you imagine Ronan teaching Gansey how to punch?! I can’t remember if canon ever confirms how Gansey acquired his journal, but can you imagine if Ronan bought it for him!?!?!
@singersargentboi said it best: “The thing I love about Ronsey is that even in the books theres this sort of unhinged devotion between them that toes the line at being romantic/sexual.” Let’s unpack this together. Exhibit A) Kavinsky’s substance party. O.M.G. Gansey being such a deranged version of himself that even Ronan cannot stop smiling about it. (“What is it my dog needs?” JUST KILL ME ALREADY) Exhibit B) Ronan dreaming the keys to the Camaro in such a steamy delicate way that I am pretty sure he woke up with a tent in his pants. Exhibit C) Gansey bribing a full-grown adult for Ronan. Exhibit D) Gansey constantly scolding/disciplining/bossing Ronan and somehow stopping the Lynch brothers from killing each other. Exhibit E) Ronan going back home against his dad’s wishes, but still turns to Gansey for comfort (“Can I go and see mom?”) And if all of this does not convince you, I’ll leave you with this: “Gansey was far more of a brother to Ronan than Declan had ever been.”
However, I come to you with a peace offering, a secret third option: RODANSEY. Throughout the series it is constantly noted that 3 is the perfect number for magic ;)
THANK YOU FOR SPILLING YOUR THOUGHTS INTO MY ASK BOX 😍 this is delish and wow a HOT TAKE (to me, a simple woman who will live and die on the hill of adam parrish 🫶) although I understand your grievances from a protect-gansey-at-all-costs point of view! I think you’re right about them having the potential to be a toxic ship because of how much they fight. What’s funny to me is how it seems like they don’t understand each other… yet there’s at least 3 times in TRB alone where they communicate just by looking at each other which is amazing considering from what we know they have only been friends a few years but they’re that close and on that exact same level together. But then… they’re not. I think Adam has just had to rely on himself for so long that he can’t reprogram his brain to think differently, and gansey has had loving parents and a good sibling relationship and intense friendships therefore he can’t even begin to understand adam. They’re on diff planets right? They can’t relate to each other in any way shape or form. But then…. love comes along and makes it work??!??! This is why I’m an adansey girl.
BUT everything you said about ronsey…. That ferocious love I will never ever be over it ever 🥹 unhinged devotion is exactly right. And we all know the when I’m gone dream me the world quote but FOR ME it’s “he couldn’t say it, though. There were a thousand reasons why he couldn’t say it” like???? We were just supposed to move on from that? I can’t I wont.
(side note cuz I gotta defend my boy declan and say he is the best brother ever and I will not expand at this time bc spoilers but the dreamer trilogy will)
Rodansey…… now you’re talking my language. Truce? 🤝 thank u for this ask it’s made my day xx
#living for rants like this#took me on a whole journey#adam parrish#ronan lynch#gansey#adansey#ronsey#rodansey#trc#the raven cycle#declan lynch#niall lynch#ask#meledde#pynch
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Oh my gosh, thank you so SO much for taking the time to outline the process! I don't even know where to begin with expressing how much you've managed to help me and how much I've learned from you :D
You actually gave me a whole new perspective to think about such as how contrasting traits in a character/person's personality isn't unique. For example, the people who appear the most confident in public may also be the ones who show the most insecurity in private. Here I was thinking it was unique to an individual, but that could very well be a standard for confident people (or those who appear most in their element) that I just never noticed. You really connected the dots for me, thank you!!
And third attempt?? The amount of effort you put into this-- I appreciate you so much <3 It really shows how much effort you put into all your work and the outcome is always incredible (case in point!)
And don't worry at all about the length!! Alongside appreciating how comprehensive and thorough your explanations were, this was so fascinating and fun to learn about. I could seriously read what you have to say about analysis all day!
Once again, thank you for all your help. From the top to the tags, everything was such a treat to read. I feel ready to pick up a pencil and give it another go!
PS. The Dottore example made me do a double take and cackle :')
This is such a late reply, I’m sorry, but thank you! I’m glad you liked it and am even more glad it made sense!! Sometimes I try explaining things and end up overcomplicating everything. LOL The most important thing is to remember to view them as normal people.
I’ll give you a bit more advice when it comes to writing because I saw a post earlier today that got me thinking. Regardless of what kind of fanfiction you write, don’t project your preconceived notions of how things should look like. By this, I’m talking about familial relationships, friendships, romantic love, etc. Just like real life, characters have tolerances for different things, so you should adapt your fics to suit them.
More below
This is something that is very evident when people try to write romance. A lot of people assume romance is characterized by flirting, physical touch, sweet words, physical attraction, etc. Majority of the character x reader fics have majority of these traits. The reason why is because this is what most people have been taught romance looks like. That’s how mainstream media presents it to us. But if you look at real life, this is not necessarily how it looks.
Just like real life, some people are terrible at flirting. Others lack a romantic bone in their body. Some people are wordy, others are not. Some show bombastic displays of love, while others show love in the small things. Some people are touchy, while others find it awkward. Some people immerse themselves in love while others try to keep a logical mind.
Romance changes depending on the character. Just because (the metaphorical) YOU wish to be treated a specific way romantically does NOT mean the character is naturally capable of it. This is a habit that so many in the character x reader community have. If you wish to write a character realistically, you need to take their capabilities in mind, not what you desire to be true.
That being said, the power of fanfiction is that you can make anything possible. If you want Alhaitham to make flower crowns with a smile on his face, you can do that. Nobody is stopping you. But it’ll take a very deep understanding of his character to write such a thing true to it and not ooc.
I say all of this like I am skilled at writing characters in character, but I still have a long way to go. I try to keep these things in mind because this is how I enjoy to write. In no way do I expect others to feel the same. Some people write just to write and that’s okay. But if you want to try and write characters more realistically or have more realistic plots, these things are good to keep in mind.
#interactions#also i am glad you found the dottore thing funny#i was trying to write a better explanation and then just gave up and went with that bc it made me laugh LOL
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The GOM + Light & Shadow Pair: A Foreign S/o headcanon
A/N: Usually I design my headcanons around one character and something I feel like they have going on, something about their character to be explored, etc. But now I'm making this one in a more 'traditional' sense.
Kagami
-How he would handle having a foreign girlfriend depends on wether she's from the US. Because if she does, then they have a whole lot of things to bond over.
If you're from the US:
-If you're a basketball-fan, be prepared for NBA analysis' and Kagami fangirling over his favourite players.
-If you're into different sports, he'll still talk to you about them and local teams.
-I can see the two of you discussing your states, especially if you're from a different one.
If you're from Europe.
-Kagami's American culture shock continues on when he learns basic differences like that Europeans call eggplants auburgines. I can really picture him struggling with pronouncing auburgine, tbh.
If you're a foreigner in general
-He'll definitely try and learn your language and customs, but we're talking about Dummygami right here. Expect him to have offended one of your aunties at least once.
Kuroko
-Best shoulder to cry onto whenever you're homesick. Period.
-Has an adorable accent when tryong to speak in your language. Like, cheek-pinching levels of cute.
-Once he's familiar enough with your culture and language, expect him to be your partner in crime when trolling the Japanese.
-For examle: he's the one you can rely on when you want the entire school to say embarrassing things in your language with them thinking it means something totally different.
-Definitely one of the KNB characters who'd save memes from your country in his phone and bombards you with the latest viral joke you haven't even been able to catch up on yet (I can see Takao and perhaps Kiyoshi doing it too).
Kise
-As a model, he's probably most familiar with brands from your country.
-If you know things about traditional clothing from your country and/or your local fashion history, he'd low-key be interested.
-Wouldn't be against learning your language and customs, its just your country itself is way more intriguing to him.
-He wants to know what the climate is like where you're from, your country's relationship with its neighboring countries (if it has any), what sights are worth to see and which are greatly exaggerated, etc.
-Most interested in hacks from your country. What I mean by this is, for example, how people in cold climates will put jelly-based salves like Vaseline on their noses because it has this kind of windshield-effect.
-Don't underestimate this guy's love for travel. He's first in line when you're going back home for a vacation to visit relatives and/or friends. He wants to see everything, and luckily he has the cutest guide in the world to show him everything, right?
Murasakibara
-You'll have won his heart for the rest of eternity if you give him a supply of candy and snacks from your country. If you have a relative who keeps sending you, he won't just be over the moon, no, his happiness is skyrocketing somewhere around Jupiter.
-Cute sessions in which the two of you attempt to bake things from your country? Guaranteed. Be prepared for Murasakibara licking your cheek clean.
-Whilst he's not making the biggest effort to learn your language and customs, he tries and your family just thinks he's adorable. Especially if you're from a country where the average height is bigger and Murasakibara isn't a giant to them in the way he is to the Japanese. Just imagine his surprise if he finds out your dad or an uncle is even taller then he is.
-Before the two of you ever go on a couple's vacation to your country, I can imagine Murasakibara and you already having created a list of your favourite dining places back home.
-When eating at those, Murasakibara listens to your nostalgic childhood stories with deep interest as he tries foreign dishes and to gather a nice view of where you grew up.
-Regardless of wether you have talent or not, I can see him liking to hear you sing in your native language. The way he would lurk around when Akashi and Midorima would spend time in the music room just gives me this conviction he likes relaxing with the people close to him supplying him with music (as well as candy).
Midorima
-Like with Kagami, in the case of this dude it depends on where you're from. In Midorima's case, there would be a difference if you're from North-west Europe or not.
If you're from North-west Europe:
-As I mentioned in my headcanon about Aomine's future, Midorima is other then Aomine, the only one stated to have a favourite actress of European descent (Elizabeth Taylor), there's also the various hints to Brittain like the fact he's going to play for the Boston team and Midorima definitely screams 'Old world' to me. Old World is the term for Europe, Asia and Africa and there's definitely a difference between the view of the Old World on certain things in general vs the New World, and Midorima is definitely a type that prefers the Old World's view if you ask me. Because of North-west Europe's importance including medically, he's actually the likeliest KNB character to move to North-west Europe after his NBA career with his sweetheart if you ask me. English, Dutch, German, Finnish and Scandinavian girls are lucky.
-Even if he meets you in Japan, he's the date to marry type. So I can see the two of you planning how long you want to stay in the US for his career, and set up the general plan and necessary details for immigration to your country before you've even set a foot in Boston.
If you're a foreign girl in general.
-He's very eager to learn your language and customs actually. I can even see him (if you're friendly enough), express interest in your language and ask you to teach him as a way to get closer to you.
-Another one with an adorable accent over here, but Midorima's is slightly sillier. (and its HOT too, somehow...Damn his deep voice).
-Always tries to be respectful towars your family and honors your customs when interacting with them to 100%.
-You'll definitely have an auntie saying you choose a good man.
Aomine
-With this guy, like the aforementioned headcanon and Kagami, it depends with this guy.
If you're from the US.
-Just like with Kagami, if you're into basketball, prepare for conversations about the NBA. But with Aomine, this will be from a foreigners perspective on the NBA asking for more information. So they'll be a little bit more informative based.
-Just wants to know everything, considering he wants to live there and go to the NBA.
If you're a foreigner in general
-I'm sorry, but this guy is the least interested in learning your language and customs. I mean, we're talking about a guy who shows 0% effort at learning the language of the country he wants to immigrate too and instead practises on writing different forms of Japanes. Except for Murasakibara, the rest of the GOM are implied to have at least some English speaking skills and Murasakibara at least has a sidekick fluent in English.
-Linguistically, Aomine doesn't cares for any other language then his own, so you're definitely going to be needed as his sidekick in the US to translate.
-He'll learn things, eventually.
-He'll never say it, but part of his reluctance to learn the language is because he's too busy drooling over how sexy you are for having more knowledge then him. (I low-key see him somewhat attracted to sexy nerds).
-Some of your relatives might be questioning why you're dating him sometimes.
Akashi
-Has started studying your language as soon as he realized he had a crush on you (if he doesn't know your native tongue already).
-Once you start dating, he'll actually convince his father to buy a vacation house in your country so he can go to your country whenever you go. If you start dating as adults however, he'll just buy the place together with you.
-He's fascinated by you and your cultural differences.
-The guy telling you that your accent is adorable.
-He leaves you things like notes in your language when you start dating. He actually likes the idea he can communicate with you in a way that other people couldn't understand. Like it's a secret thing between you and him.
-Another guy I see really into eating your self-baked goods from your country's cuisine. I see him having this weakness for a s/o that bakes or cooks for him considering that's what his momma used to do. So family recipes? Bring it!
-Knows how to be a perfect gentleman by any culture's standards. No, scratch that, this guy is fucking prince charming by any culture's standards.
And this one counts for all: Whoever makes fun of you for being a foreigner, is a dead man.
#knb#knb x you#kise#kuroko#kagami#aomine#akashi#murasakibara#midorima#kuroko's basketball#foreign s/o#kise ryota#akashi seijuro#daiki aomine#murasakibara atsushi#midorima shintarou#kuroko tetsuya#kagami taiga#cultures#usa#europe#japan#akashi x reader#kuroko x reader#kagami taiga x reader#midorima x reader#murasakibara x reader#aomine x reader#kise x reader#languages
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So, on a reddit post I made (it was on potential Arcane seasons) someone in the comments convinced me to write a whole essay on Rhaayn and despite writing it in an hour long hyperfixated haze I like how it came out so I'm posting it here too for the people who want to read my analysis on why their relationship could work:
Ok, so for myself my favorite thing about ships is when you can see what each member offers to the other, or you can see why they fell in love and chose to spend their life with that person specifically. And what Kayn and Rhaast have in common is that they are both lonely men that have been traumatized by war. Swain even says in a voiceline to Kayn that what he really wants is love, since as a child soldier Kayn has only ever known hate. On the other hand, the darkin have all lost themselves from their war with the Void and from being isolated for centuries in their weapons, and the other darkin we see all remedy their isolation in different ways: Varus’s heart is changed by Kai and Valmar, Naafiri embraces being a pack mother and wants the darkin to come together like a pack of wolves, and Aatrox calls his darkin brethren to him so they can have one last war together. Rhaast would never admit it, but I think him toying with Kayn instead of spending all his energy trying kill him is his remedy, he’s the only form of interaction he’s had in so long and deep down he knows he’d be isolated all over again without him.
From there, we know from their Odyssey voicelines Kayn is much more susceptible to getting attached to Rhaast, he still tries to talk to him after he’s killed Rhaast off and reminisces on the fun times they shared, which makes sense. Kayn is much more of a serious edgelord while Rhaast is still edgy as hell, but more in a Dante from DMC and always joking around kind of way. Kayn could use someone less serious to balance him out and keep his mood from getting too dark. Kayn is also someone who desires praise, he wants to impress Zed any way he can and in Odyssey he wants the galaxy to bow down to him as emperor. What I’m saying is Kayn has an obvious praise kink. And in his own way, Rhaast praises Kayn for being both a worthy opponent and a worthy vessel.
Which brings me to Rhaast, and I have an idea for how he would fall for Kayn which relates back to his desire for a worthy opponent. Rhaast rejected many possible vessels back in Noxus because he knew they wouldn’t give him a good fight, and were therefore too weak for him. But he respects Kayn’s power and wants to fight Kayn head on for his vessel. But what would happen if someone other than Rhaast brought Kayn near death? Rhaast feels like the type of character who wants to fight Kayn as his full power and have a fair battle before he would slay him (back with the DMC references, a very Vergil thing to do). I could see that turning into Rhaast being very protective of Kayn and even using his hemomancy to heal him during fights, as he can’t have someone stealing his kill, he needs Kayn to stay strong and healthy for when they have their epic duel to the death! Then once the time for that duel comes, Rhaast finally realizes he doesn’t want to kill this man he’s been protective over, who is just as bloodthirsty and lonely as he is, and who he sees as an equal.
And from there, there are so many ways their dynamic could go that doesn’t involve them killing each other and they could spend the rest of their time together doing whatever they want and bickering over the dumbest shit imaginable. (may have strayed a lot from the rom-com idea and got too into character analysis, but that’s the beauty of this ship is that there’s a lot of different parts of their dynamic you could focus on and find the romance in, they just work so well together.)
#also wanted to mention this somewhere but couldnt find a good spot to#but i recently got into the band GHOST#and Circe is such a good rhaayn song#'you cannot hide in the darkness' 'i can see through the scars inside you' 'from now our merge is eternal'#those are some rhaayn coded lyrics there#league of legends#lol#rhaayn#kayn#shieda kayn#rhaast#darkin
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I must applaud you for your analysis on Datusha. No one else is as dedicated as you when it comes to Nitara/Datusha/Ashrah and honestly, the whole "Datusha is (like) the Sun" thing ? Brilliant. (pun kind of intended). Although I also had a good laugh because I headcanon Argus as the Sun God, so I was like "damn, the bastard strikes again".
I tend to take Ashrah's words when she says these celestial beings she met are angels, because I'm a sucker for demons/angels narratives. But yeah, sun = sky = celestial = angel so it makes sense. If demons exist in the MK universe, I can only assume angels do too and it'd make sense for them to want to purify everything and go as far as to wipe out species they think are vile and corrupted. Vampires among them. It would be interesting if Ashrah's quest to purify herself came back to bite her in the ass, as you said with your Icarus parallel, with said "angels" deeming Ashrah will never be pure because she's a demon and therefore must be exterminated too.
I'm curious about MK1 Datusha being crafted by the Kafallah Warlocks, but the blade ultimately doesn't have any lore in MK1 beyond "magic sword" and it sucks.
So yeah, kudos, kudos, kudos for your work.
AHHHHH i’m happy that you like my datusha and nitara/ashrah deep dives!!! the scraps of lore we have on them have such a hold on me. like genuinly datusha is another character to me rather than just a sword because honestly it isn’t just a sword it’s a vampire in itself by having so much bloodlust and having such a clever “mind” to trick its wielders into turning against their own beliefs and their whole purpose
i think they were angels TO ashrah, but not actually angels. with any being that’s the opposite of darkness, i think ashrah would immediately feel drawn to so why would she question the literal beings of light. they are everything that she wants to be, and she will ignore the heinous crimes they are commanding her to make (which are essentially guaranteeing her a one way ticket back to the netherrealm some day. but once again, how could the light lie to her?). but yeah, in a way, datusha is an angel. after all datusha makes the wielder believe they are killing for a higher purpose and angels are typically the messengers of “higher purpose.”
i think ashrah’s quest to purify herself already has bit herself in the ass the moment she started killing the vampires! she just needs to break free of datusha’s manipulation for the immense and terrible weight of what she did to sink in, because i knowwww she would be devastated to find out what she did. and her relationship with datusha is kind of similar to her relationship with quan chi because once again, she’s following the orders of a terrible “master”, and doing terrible things.
also considering ashrah in mk12 has angel wings as seen in her fatalities, i would think that would also imply the existence of angels.
regarding the kafallah warlocks it sucks so bad that we literally do not know what that means like who are theyyyy BUT there was a war called the kafallah war which still doesn’t really tell us much but maybe it was forged during that time cause i’d assume they’d be forging a lot of weapons during a time of war. it was a war during which reiko was a boy, so the sword is possibly 10k + years old? but still it’s so little to base anything on so oh well. we’ll just suffer with no datusha lore
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