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bellatrixobsessed1 · 9 months

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Vicarious (Part 11)

“I take it that things didn’t go well with Jin?” Toph mentions.

“What makes you think that?” Azula asks.

“We’ve been at the beach for like three hours now and you haven’t tried splashing Katara while she tries to read yet. Which is kind of annoying because that’s usually the highlight of my beach trip.”

“Pestering my sister?”

Toph nods. “It’s a hobby. I wait until you annoy her a bit and then I come in and completely agitate her. I thought that you were aware of our unspoken partnership.”

“I was wondering about that, but I wasn’t certain.” Azula replies.

“So are we going to give her a good splash or what?”

“Not right now, Toph.”

“See! Something is bothering you, I knew it! What happened with Jin?”

“We broke up. I don’t want to talk about it.” Rather she doesn’t want to have to pretend to be heartbroken. Not over something so stupid. “We didn’t really have much of a relationship anyways.”

“Yeah, I could tell.” Toph shrugs. “Your heart wasn’t doing that fluttery thing that it always did when you were around Suki. It still probably sucked though.”

Azula shrugs. “I’ll find someone else soon enough.”

Toph rams her fist into her bicep. Azula grits her teeth, frankly she hadn’t anticipating the woman hitting that hard. Hard enough to bruise even Sokka’s rock solid arm. “See that’s your problem, Sokka. You jump from one girl to the next. Maybe you should take a break. I’m single and I’m having the time of my life.”

“Maybe I should.” She agrees.

“Okay, starting now!” Toph declares. “Instead of moping about Jin and women, we’re going to play kuai ball and pretend like it’s an accident when we nail Zuko in the back of the head!”

“While he’s trying to kiss Mai?”

“Exactly!” Toph leaps to her feet. “You get me, Sokka!”

.oOo.

He catches her in the hallway. Her hair is wet and she is patting at it with a beach towel. She seems almost happy. Happy in spite of having lost Jin. Happy in spite, or maybe because of their current predicament. He almost doesn’t want to pull her away from that. But he needs something to alleviate the uninterrupted distress that he has been feeling these days. “Hey, can I talk to you?” Sokka asks.

“About what?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. I just want someone to talk to about anything.” Perhaps about trying to get their own bodies back. Or at least about how they had ended up in this situation. “You can pick the subject.”

Azula sighs. “Fine.” She props herself up against the wall. “Talk.”

“Can we…?” He nods in the direction of her room.

“We’re not going to be talking for that long, I can only tolerate you for a few minutes at a time.”

“I guess that I just wanted to let you know that I’m not mad about Jin.”

“You told me that already.” She shrugs. “You were using her.” Sokka opens his mouth but she raises a hand. “Look, I don’t really care. It isn’t as though I haven’t used my share of people. I just think that it’s funny how it’s fine when you do it…”

“It isn’t! It’s not fine when I do it. You were right! I should have just broken it off with Jin.” He is beginning to think that this is some sort of punishment. A punishment for taking his friends for granted and a punishment twice over for his open skepticism and constant mocking of the spirits. He had laughed in their faces so they have taken his laughter away.

“Pathetic, Sokka.”

She fixes his blue eyes upon him and sighs. “What is the point of this? Why are you trying to appeal to me? You never cared how I felt about you before. Nobody particularly cared how I felt in general. So why should I care if you’re upset now?”

“Because you know what it’s like to be alone.”

“Well I don’t have to worry about that right now.”

And that’s it, that is enough. More than enough. He can’t say for certain exactly which aspect of her response has taken the feelings simmering inside of him to their highest boiling point. What compels him to shove her against the wall…“They’re my friends! They hate you, trust me, I know that now. And they’re going to be my friends again eventually once we switch back.”

“Perhaps I’m not quite as eager as you are to make that happen.” He hates the sound of his snickering when he isn’t the one laughing.

She may as well just strike him where he stands, slap his face until it is red and bruising. “Well then I’ll make it happen on my own. I want to fix my own problems, not yours!”

“Of course. Because mine her much harder to manage. You’re complaining and crying over some girl that you didn’t even like. Perhaps it stings, but you have your friends. They won’t let it sting for very long, will they, Sokka? They know what to say and what to do. They know how to help you. When my problems get to be too much people look the other way and pretend like they don’t see them.”

“I know!” Sokka shouts. “How do I get them to care?”

“When you figure that out, you can let me know. And then we can work on switching back.”

His lips curl into a snarl. “So that’s it, I’m supposed to solve all of your problems while you make my life harder?”

.oOo.

“I’m not making your life harder. I’m just not making it any easier.”

“You did make it harder!”

“By ending a relationship that just wasn’t working? You said it yourself, she didn’t mean anything to you. It’s better to just get it over with. If you don’t like someone, you tell them that you don’t like them or you can pretend to like them until you get angry enough to whip your knives out and chi block them and let them put two and two together, whatever suits your fancy.” Her head is throbbing. Absolutely pounding with frustration.

Sokka rubs his hands over his face. “That’s not what I was going to do to Jin and she wouldn’t do that to me. Not every relationship ends on bad terms.”

“Maybe for you they don’t.” She shoulders past him, thanking the spirits that she is now taller than he. Big enough to shake him off of her. “Are we done talking?”

“No.”

“No?” She quirks a brow.

“Believe it or not, I wanted to have a friendly conversation with you.”

“So now you want to force one?” She rolls her eyes. “You tried to force things with Jin and look how that turned out. And you’ve been trying to force some kind of friendship on me. That’s going to turn out just as well or worse. Jin actually liked you at one point…”

“Believe it or not, I did want to help you.” Sokka says quietly and she doesn’t believe it. Not at all. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I keep saying the wrong things. But I did want to help you. I wanted…I hoped that…”

“What?” Azula crosses her arms.

“I did hope that this could help make us friends or something.” He pauses. “I thought that the whole bath thing was going to be a start”

“I said that I would consider being on good terms with you.”

“We were supposed to bond or something over a common struggle.” His voice cracks. She hates how it sounds. How she sounds when she is desperate and breaking.

“Stop it!” She shouts. “Don’t you dare cry on me.” She is such an ugly crier and she has no desire to witness it from the outside.

“What else am I supposed to do. Nothing else works.”

The sound of footsteps makes her regret her petty decision to have this conversation in the hallway. She grits her teeth.

“I don’t know why you’re so angry at me about Jin.”

“Your idiocy frustrates me.” And it frustrates her that he can flounder and fuck up so many times and still have so many people doting over him.

.oOo.

“You don’t even like her. Why do you care?”

“Don’t like her?” Azula furrows her brows. “I don’t even know her.” She pauses. “She might resent you, Sokka. But she…”

“She doesn’t have any history with you.” Sokka mutters as the footsteps grow closer. He allows himself a smile. “I can make a friend for you!” He can help Azula while putting an end to his loneliness. And maybe, just maybe, after they get their own bodies back he can explain to Jin that it had been him the whole time, that they are compatible. “Thanks, Azula!” Without thinking about it, he throws his arms around her.

Her face bunches up in disgust. “For what?”

“For giving me an idea.”

“Does this mean that you are going to stop relentlessly pushing for my approval?” He could swear that he hears a faint hint of disappointment in her voice.

“I still want to be your friend, Azula. I just don’t think that the feeling is mutual.”

She leaves just enough hesitation before replying, “because it isn’t” for him to say that she doesn’t entirely mean that.

“Well, I guess that if you change your mind, the offer is still open. You might not need me though if things work out with Jin.” He forces a smile.

“If they didn’t work out between…” she lowers her voice as Zuko and Toph round the corner. “You and Jin what makes you think that you can win her over while posing as me?”

“Because Jin likes clever and witty people.”

Zuko looks between he and Azula. “Sokka?”

Azula stiffens in his arms and he is abundantly aware that neither of them have broken the hug yet. Without thinking he leans forward and tackles her to the ground. He holds a small blade of fire to her throat. “Looks like I win, peasant.”

“You’re lucky.” She mutters. “Very lucky.”

“I’m a quick thinker, that’s different than luck.”

Sokka stands up and brushes himself off as flippantly and dignified as he can manage for all of his fluster and all of the anxiety that is building up inside of him. Anxiety that spikes when Zuko’s hand yanks him back.

“Leave Sokka alone!”

“Relax, Zuko, it’s just a little sparring match.”

“A sparring match?” Zuko asks.

Azula rises and nods.

“I get board and he keeps saying stupid things that make me mad.” It isn’t a lie by any means. “So we decided to have a little match; since I won he has to shut up for at least a day, Katara can thank me later. If he would have won, I would have had to endure at least three hours of him chattering like a hog-monkey.”

“I didn’t realize that the two of you talked.” Toph mentions.

“Let alone enough to have sparring matches.” Zuko adds.

“We don’t.” Sokka says at the same time as Azula grumbles, “well you know me, I can’t go for more than a few hours without pestering someone. One thing led to another.”

“And you have this beautiful friendship now?” Toph cracks a smirk.

This time they are very much in unison when they reply with a firm no.

“It’s more like a…” Azula begins.

“Hostage situation.” Sokka fills in. “I keep telling him to go away…” he can just feel her rolling her eyes. “But he can’t take the hint. So I thought that I would humor him.”

“By sparring him for silence?” Zuko asks.

“Isn’t that what you Fire Nationals do?” Toph asks. “Challenge each other to Agni Kais to resolve arguments. Even the stupid ones.”

Zuko pinches the bridge of his nose. “Not all of us.”

“You do though.” Azula, apparently, couldn’t resist.

“I used to, Sokka!”

She lifts her hands. “No need to get defensive.”

Zuko inhales sharply. “Just be careful, Sokka. Azula isn’t…”

“She’s fine.” Azula cuts him off. “I’m fine. We had our match and that’s it. I’ll be quiet now and she can go back to…”

“Being alone.” He slips. “Where I have some peace and quiet.” He adds quickly.

“We’re all going on a walk? Why don’t you join us?” Toph asks. “I kind of want to hear all about how you kicked Sokka’s ass!”

He looks at Azula who shakes her head. And now he is torn; he had told her that he wants to help her make friends but he doesn’t want to go against her wishes.

“Are you alright with her coming along, Sokka.”

“No.”

“Because you’re embarrassed?” Toph laughs.

“I am not! I…fine she can come.”

Sokka purses his lips as if contemplating the request. “I suppose that I can tag along for at least a little while but I won’t put up with any silly antics. And I…”

“You can just say yes and leave it at that.” Azula says through gritted teeth.

.oOo.

Agni, she has never met such an idiot! Such a complete and utter dolt! He has just opened up the door to making a complete fool of both of them and just after having avoiding exactly that so narrowly.

She wants to ask him just what he was thinking, hugging her in the middle of the hallway. And then taking them up on their offer. She wants to know what exactly had gone through her mind in telling Toph that it was fine if he came along. She had opened that door and he wasn’t supposed to walk in.

Him trying to befriend Jin on her behalf is daunting enough.

For as much as she doesn’t want to be alone, she also has no interest in gaining friends that she won’t be able to keep when she is thrust back into her own body.

Spirits, she wishes that she could just take Sokka’s life for her own. Spirits, she wishes that she could leap from one body to the next, a nomad soul that can jump from one body to the next until she finds one whose conditions are just right.

She doesn’t want her life back.

She doesn’t want to help Sokka on his quest to ‘fix’ this situation.

#avatar the last airbender #azula #sokka #sokkla #fanfiction

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vizthedatum · 1 month

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If I could be over my trauma, I would be.

I wonder what lessons I haven’t internalized yet.

What have I not understood yet?

To not think about all of it so much.

I feel grief for all the time I was so unhappy but happy in a warped way.

It’s just not fair - I hate this. I didn’t cause this.

I didn’t cause this. Why is it so hard to believe me?

Why do I have to keep justifying to myself that I truly didn’t ruin my life?

What even possessed me in 2022?

Well I know what it was: I found a good medication regimen: lithium and stimulants, and I went to the ER on my bday after I had cut off my parents, and I decided that I did not want to be so fucking sick all the time. Even if Covid killed me, I wanted to live my life.

So I didn’t cause this. I was so devoted, and I was being abused and gaslit about it. And I just didn’t want to let go - it’s hard because I think about the final breakup all the time.

I WAS NOT PLANNING TO.

We were planning on a compromise so we could live apart.

I dissociated.

We were fighting all the time at that point.

Sometimes I felt like it was a game.

They yelled and ranted, and I couldn’t say anything.

I felt so stupid all the time.

I felt so unsafe.

I was in my 1984 mice fear room where my ex-spouse tells you how much they love you with hatred in their eyes.

Why did I just do it? Why did I break up and stop trying to make it work?

I know that nothing I would have done would have made it work. But that’s not why.

I guess it dawned on me that my life was wholly pathetic.

I still miss them. It breaks me on the inside that I’ll never see them again. Sometimes I want to pay them to pretend to love me and not see me as a burden or a threat… and we walk to the pharmacy holding hands, talk to the cashier we adore, walk back to our apartment, play a game together, hold each other, parallel game, eat instant pot meals together, and fall asleep together. And wake up and have it repeat.

I just came home from a friend hangout, and I’m sitting in my car unable to move.

Because I would sit in my car for a really long time to soothe myself when I was with them.

I tell myself to be optimistic that I will have all the nice times and more with a person who wants to respect me.

I don’t want to ever interact with them again.

But I don’t know if I’ll ever have that type of interconnected partnership again - we wanted to have kids together.

I want to be over it, and I want to be okay with where I am at and what I’ve done.

How do I do it? My healing is my top priority, and I am impatient.

It hurts so much that I know I’m worthy of who I am now but does anyone else think that and want to commingle their lives with me because it feels easy for us to be together? And even if they do, what if I feel nothing.

I’m supposed to speak up about my needs as a recovering codependent me. My need is to feel something for a person I would spend a significant part of time with.

I am so much better so why is this trauma response necessary?

Do I need this pain?

The pain isn’t even all about the abuse - it’s about: I want to live my life with people I love, but I don’t have that so woe is me - but seriously -

I want to just be with the person or people I’m meant to be with, and I want it to all align and we all willingly participate.

I’m ready.

Is it really supposed to be this hard to find someone like that?

I’m so burnt out from dating - I feel like there is no one here for me, where I feel something and my standards for life paths are met. I know I’m not picky, but it’s like… ugh.

I just want it to be over. I want to either not want this desire and suffering in my life or I want to start having a full-on serious relationship with someone where there is reciprocal commitment to life things.

#mind body spirit clash #I don’t even love them #if I ever met them again I would not feel ok #it’s just that I attached so much sentiment to our entire relationship #it was my everything #it was my life #I loved that I had this partnership #I nurtured it #and they were a person at the end of the day #what if I never have that level of closeness with someone ever again?#I’m seriously concerned #healing #neurodivergence #self love #love #prose #I know it was rats in the book but there is mice-related trauma in MY story

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callernumberthree · 1 month

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Hey! What’s up? Thanks for coming around!

Pseudonym’s Annie. I’ve got most of my quick info in my bio, if you ever feel inclined to skim it! I’m Bangladeshi and Muslim. I’m also a bisexual demigirl. I also am very large and contain multitudes.

This is my main blog! I reblog a lot of stuff I find funny, stuff about the moon, about animals and nature but birds and fish in particular, about community and partnership and overcoming prejudice, about love and family and friends, and about identity and orientation and mental health.

I tag all my posts, replies, and reblogs as accurately as I can. If there are any issues with my tags, post contents, or anything else in my blog, please let me know so I can fix it and make it a more comfortable online space!

I love meeting people! If you'd like to, shoot me a message or an ask and you can be sure I'll respond!

Below is the alphabetically organised guide to my current fandoms and my relationship with them, and to my organisational structure for my tags. It's a long post; keep reading at your own risk!

Fandoms!

Artemis Fowl

I can be safely critical of it nowadays since it's geared towards a younger audience but I respect the solid worldbuilding it portrays, especially for a children's book. Good stuff- I'd still recommend it.

Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared

Again, got into it when I was younger and it kind of burrowed its way into my brain where it rotted, forgotten, for ages until the sudden new season. Not necessarily emotionally invested, but the Three Of Them have my whole heart for sure.

Dungeon Meshi

I got into it VERY recently by binging the manga, and now I'm keeping up with the Netflix adaptation! Obsessed with the solid worldbuilding.

Gravity Falls

Top fandom ever everrrrr. Got obsessed with it as a kid and I’ve never let it go since. I know all the sordid fandom history, all the best and most popular headcanons of current day, and some the most based fanartists and fics. I do a lot of recreational multishipping in my dark and evil mind palace.

My Little Pony

Come on come onnnnn. It's a classic. I have an encyclopaedic and philosophical understanding of the MLP universe. No I will not talk about it.

Percy Jackson

Hey I mean it was pretty formative for me when I was younger. Got me into mythology! I'm critical of it nowadays but I cannot deny the positive impact it had on me. Good stuff! Haven't and probably won't watch the new live adaptation.

Piranesi

Read it VERY recently. Made me very existential for a while. However, the books I am emotionally invested in change on a monthly basis. Expect the title to switch in a little bit.

Welcome to Night Vale

I got into it half a year ago and it literally changed my brain chemistry. One of my forever fandoms for sure. An astute Aubergine truther, I am.

Tag Organisation Guide!

Annie’s Anomalous Affairs:

#annie’s aberrant abominations - there’s very little content in this tag. OC tag; I don’t reaaaally talk about my OCs though so don’t worry about it. It’s mostly stuff I reblog to help character build anyway. I’ll list the subtags for individual OCs below as they appear on my blog.

#abomination: Hannah

#abomination: Spring

#annie adores advice - there’s a LOT of content in this tag. Advice or awareness spreading I reblog that I think will help me live easier, or to signal boost so people who need it can use it.

#annie attempts art - my art! At least up until now I’ve drawn purely on iPad so it’s all digital medium.

#annie awakened - a tag specifically for answering asks and mentions! Nothing important there, just some fun with cool people online. Long post warning for most of the content there.

#annie awkwardly articulates - my posts! I talk about my thoughts and experiences, or I’ll be talking with some pals online.

Annie Appreciates…:

#birdposting - just the same; reblogging cool and/or funny posts about birds! I love birds. Love their behaviour, love how they evolve, love eating them. I try to include the species of bird in the tags whenever I can!

#boys will be boys - I use this tag whenever I am appreciating masculinity! This includes folks being silly, being kind, being geeky, and all around being. Often accompanied by the “girl moment” tag (elaborated on below). This is because I see beautiful and unique representations of femininity and masculinity in almost everything and everyone.

#classic - tag for infamous Tumblr posts that I archive for myself! Gotta collect those heritage posts, man. Can’t have a blog without the colour of the sky.

#fishposting - you guessed it; reblogging cool and/or funny posts about fish! I love fish. Love their biology, love how they look, love eating them. I try to include the species of fish in the tags whenever I can!

#girl moment - I use this tag whenever I am appreciating femininity! This includes folks being silly, being kind, being geeky, and all around being. Often accompanied by the “boys will be boys” tag (elaborated on above). This is because I see beautiful and unique representations of femininity and masculinity in almost everything and everyone.

#later gator - the tag I use to save things (usually videos) to look at later when I’m scrolling tumblr at double-time (or have my volume on), probably because I’m at work.

#my romantic wife - that’s the moon! I adore the moon, it’s unmatched (tag not to be confused with the term I often use, “my platonic wife”, elaborated on below)!

#number - tag for things that I think are attractive, ranging from various drawings of people (not images, I’m not comfortable publicly thirsting after living individuals) to standard-ATX motherboards.

Annie’s Associates:

#DNA double felix-cipher - tag for tumblr user @toytanks, Felix-Cipher. The tag is a play on the term “double helix structure”.

#my froinds :3 - I talk about or reblog posts that remind me of my friends! My friends are very important to me and I love them so so much. If I’m using this tag I’m talking about my irl pals.

#sarufiyyun - tag for tumblr user @biblicallyaccuratechicken, Seraph-Chim, who’s angelkin. Sarufiyyun is the Islamic term for Seraphim.

#the spouse - this is “my platonic wife” (not to be confused with the tag “my romantic wife”, elaborated on above)! My best friend who I’ve known for nearly two decades. I have a special tag for her because I have a special relationship with her. Sometimes I will be a little sulky about the spouse and her lame blonde boyfriend; but hey, I love her to bits. Marriage has its ups and downs!

Annie’s Avocations:

#art reference - what it says on the tin. Step by step guides or simple diagrams of art tips; whatever helps me draw!

#recipes - I feel like I should throw this tag in here now that I have at least two or three reblogs for it. Cool recipes for cool food I’d like to make one day.

#tutorial - tutorials for anything at all! I eat life advice for every meal.

#writing - yes, I have nothing to show for it on here, but I’m a writer! Tag for writing tips and also inspiration.

That's all, folks! Have a good one!

#pinned post #header post #annie awkwardly articulates

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astroismypassion · 2 months

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Help me on this life issue

I am in 1st year doing BTech CSE in UPES Dehradun. My college study started in August month and I saw a girl three times in different time period on Thursday, 24 August 2023. I feel very much attracted to her when I saw her first time which made me feel that she would be my soulmate that I am searching for long time but I couldn’t talk her on that day. I then tried to find her everyday but couldn’t found her until I met her with my friend on 9th September, Saturday at club fair of UPES in which she explained us to join CSA club of UPES. Since 9th September I couldn’t meet her and tell my feelings. I found her name through social media on 16th September 2023, Saturday - Nandini Goswami and I requested her to follow in Instagram but she didn’t accept it till now. After a month over, finally on 4th November 2023, Saturday I saw her again with her male friends and after which I couldn’t gather courage to introduce myself to her and talk her and start our relationship but I fail. I am failing to put efforts to talk her to start relationship and luck too not supporting me. What should I do? Will she become my life partner if yes then when? I feels strongly that she is my soulmate but I don’t know reality. I only want your answer and support sir, please guide me in this situation as I feels very alone which distract my studies. I’ll love her purely with trust and being loyal in relationship. Please sir Guide me in this situation I need your answer if she is my soulmate then how destiny will make us to be in relationship. When I will talk her? When she will become my life partner as she is having boyfriend right now?

Sir, Please take seriously to my query as I needed this answer which will make my mind free to focus more on my studies. I believe that you will check clearly and give true predictions. Update:- I talked to her by gathering courage for 1st time meet alonely on 23rd Feb 2024, FRIDAY but I don’t think it would make impact on her and most amazing fact is that I saw her on mostly Thursdays then Friday till now.

Answer: You really need to calm down on obsessive thoughts. Draw that focus and energy back to yourself. She is already in a partnership, since you mentioned she is having a boyfriend right now. This is all you needed to hear. Sounds like you are also desperately trying to be in a partnership and forcing it it's never a good way to start. You need to practice more detachment in this situation and refocus your energy into yourself. Put the energy into following your dreams, doing well in studies and the rest will fall into place. Try connecting with your friends and surround yourself with trusted people that will help you navigate through all life situations. This is an astrology blog.

#submission

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mochiwrites · 2 years

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so. with the completion of “off with his head”, I think it’s time to share some lore. as much as I wanted to include more backstory on etho and bdubs, it couldn’t work into the main series. and it’ll be a while before I can jump into their story.

to solve this issue, I come to tumblr to expand and give some backstory.

if you’d like some background on bdubs, etho, and impulse, have some lore <3

for this, we won’t be starting in our current timeline. we’ll be starting about nine years before. and we won’t be focusing on etho and bdubs. we’ll be focusing on etho and impulse.

etho is 28, impulse is 30. see, etho starts out as a member of xisuma’s police force. and it’s important to note what etho’s view of the world is like at this point. because he looks at morality as very black and white. either there’s good people, or there’s bad people. there is no in between. but we’ll return to that later.

impulse is a witness to a petty crime, etho meets him. they get along pretty well and go out for a few drinks together. they become friends and hmmm there’s some sparks flying. except… they lose contact after a night of drunken fooling around. it’s your typical “I’ll call you later” except the “later” part never comes.

so etho goes off, putting his attention to his job and impulse to other things.

enter bdubs three years later. bdubs is 29, impulse is 34.

and scar is running for mayor. bdubs and impulse meet by chance, right around the time impulse is attempting to start up iPawn. and bdubs comes in, helping him set it all up. and in turn, impulse helps bdubs out with different ways to market scar’s campaign.

it’s a great partnership! impulse’s shop is taking off, scar is getting more support. and oh wow impulse is pretty sweet guy, uh oh bdubs is feeling something for him, and now they’re kind of going out!

except… scar makes a mention that they’re in need of funds for the campaign. and bdubs… he gets a bad idea.

surely impulse won’t mind if he takes some money to fund scar’s campaign. he’ll pay him back and everything!

impulse finds out. and he’s not happy. bdubs’ actions damage their relationship. and once scar finds out, he offers to pay it all back. though, someone beats him to it. see, scar isn’t the only one running for mayor.

so is scott.

and scott’s family pays impulse the money back… as long as impulse will vote scott instead of scar.

and that only serves to fracture bdubs and impulse’s relationship even more.

it’s around this time coincidently, that etho pops back up. during those past three years, etho rises through the ranks, becomes a detective. and he’s successful. but that all comes crashing down with a single case.

the case etho works is a messy one, a serial killer. it’s chaotic, all over the place. etho and his team are being led in one direction only to be spun in a different one. it’s a wild goose chase, full of dead ends and loose threads.

there’s only a few witnesses, even fewer suspects. and one of those witnesses is etho’s best friend. they grew up together, and etho has always thought of this friend as a good person. when his coworkers bring up this friend as a suspect, he denies them.

and nothing gets him to believe them until he catches his friend in the act. it’s enough to shake his entire world view and it’s messy.

etho quits the force, and who’s doorstep does he show up on? impulse’s. and impulse, who’s just been betrayed by one of the most important people to him, offers his home. etho crashes with impulse for a while, turns to alcohol to cope with everything that’s happened. his entire world view has been flipped upside down.

and he does that for a while. until impulse says enough is enough and drags etho to a newly formed dogwarts. he had heard from ren that he needed members and etho needs a job.

so impulse introduces etho to ren, and etho finds himself working with dogwarts. and it’s while working with dogwarts that etho starts to find a taste for chaos. he starts to lean into this idea of “who cares if I’m good or bad, as long as I’m thriving on the chaos.”

and scott (who is obviously not mayor) catches wind of etho working with dogwarts and wants information. etho says “why not” and spills some info, it’s his first real act of chaos, of playing to more than one side.

he meets cleo by chance, right before scar’s election. so early days of crastle. and hey, cleo seems pretty fun, let’s hang with her for a bit. so now he’s split. bdubs joins them Officially during scar’s campaign, and yk. the closet meeting and at first etho really does see bdubs as a way of getting info on scar for ren.

except he falls for bdubs and suddenly betraying him isn’t so easy anymore.

AND THEN ETHO IS EXPOSED. and bdubs knows, and scar is throwing etho out and who can he turn to?

impulse.

etho bunks with impulse again after everything (he moved in with bdubs and can’t go back), and the entire situation has bdubs thinking of impulse and he works himself up to see him. etho is out (meeting with scott) and when impulse opens the door, bdubs throws himself at impulse and collapses in his arms, apologizing like crazy.

they haven’t really spoken since the night impulse confronted him. and now he’s going to see him to apologize.

and impulse is confused because all etho told him was that his position was compromised, he needed a place to stay. but bdubs tells impulse everything and ignoring how badly it hurts that the two people impulse wanted most chose each other, he makes up with bdubs and comforts him.

etho comes back when bdubs is still there, and it turns awkward. very quickly. but impulse makes them sit down, and the two of them hash everything out.

and then the three of them agree to sit down and start over. get to know each other for real, no secrets, no alternative motives. just them. and they give the three of them a shot.

#tw murder #tw alcohol #goodcrimeswithmumscarian au #dubpulse #ethubs #ethubpulse #doublepulse #impdubs #trafficshipping #dlshipping #bdoubleo100 #impulsesv #ethoslab #hermitshipping

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olivieblake · 5 months

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Hey Olivie!! Hope you’re well :)

I have loved and followed your big sis advice for years now, and I could use some of it now.

I have always been the kind of individual who has really close 1:1 friendships, but has always yearned for a friend group. I’m in my second year of college, and last year, I finally felt belonging with a group of people, but all of them are seniors and have graduated. I know I am a loved human being, but a lot of the people I love most are long distance now, and I feel lonely in my day-to-day life. I always have seemed to get along with people older than me, but my mom put it bluntly: I need friends my age. I can get along with anyone, but in terms of choosing who I actually click with and invest in, it is very few people. My friends who graduated were all individuals who had similar vibes and energy as me—we enjoyed art, philosophy, and just being silly together. Even now, I’ll look for people with similar interests, but it just doesn’t click. I wish I had something more concrete to go off of—I like a lot of people, but I wouldn’t call them “my people”. I found one girl I really click with, but she’s super flaky and doesn’t seem reliable. I want to love deeply and be loved back deeply, to choose and be chosen.

I’d love to hear your two cents on this. How have female friendships blossomed for you? Am I being too picky or judgemental? Am I doomed to be a floater, a social nomad never belonging to anyone?

Anyways. Thanks! Love you. Boutta reread masters of death, it’s that time of year.

man, I won't lie, finding and maintaining meaningful friendship has been harder in my personal experience than romantic love. there honestly shouldn't even be a distinction! it's a difference of texture, not process. finding someone you vibe with and can be vulnerable with and can trust with your intimacy and tenderness and care and also rely on even though there is no social protocol for friendship the way there is for romantic partnership is a real mind-bender. I think it just depends on how you choose to prioritize your relationships, energy, and time. finding friends is hard, especially if you're coming from a group that already had its own dynamic and fabric, but it just comes down to being open to connection and valuing people for what they bring to your life, even if it's just the possibility of something bigger. be open, be honest about yourself and your passions, and that will take you pretty far, but also, genuine connection is rare. which means it might be hard to find (that's the bad news) and you should nurture it when you have it (that's the actionable item). I meet smart, funny, kind, thoughtful, interesting women all the time, but my openness to them is often what determines the difference between friendship and acquaintanceship.

"I want to love deeply and be loved back deeply, to choose and be chosen" is a great way to put it, and something to hold onto, because knowing what you want is a great first step to being able to make the choices to honor it

#currently my newest friends are mothers of my son's little friends #which is insane to think about #I still feel like all parents should be older than me #but the truth is that in general you find friends who are in your stage of life #and whether that lasts or lingers is really up to you #big sistering

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genderqueerdykes · 1 year

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Aroace here again, I don’t know if I’m the only one but the one who feels lonely. I’ll call myself Q. But it just is so painful to know that I will never have someone who will comfort me during an episode or cheer me up when I am sad because I will, undoubtedly, always come second place to my friend’s various partners and therefore cannot rely on anyone but myself. There is no shoulder to cry on because in our society that is a privilege only reserved for those you are closest with. And while I am close with my friends they are not close to me, and this alone makes me want to find the part of me that makes me Aroace and rip it out, as this part dooms me to an eternity of being the odd one out

i'm very sorry you're feeling that way, Q. i get it, though, society currently teaches us that the only types of close relationships out there are romantic and sexual ones, and the only way to have someone who will ever "truly" be there for you.

i just wanted to let you know that that's not the case, and i'm so sorry you feel this way, but i've had friends who were friends and nothing more who would help me and comfort me during mental health episodes. i've had friends from a variety of experiences and identities who have comforted and held me while i cried, or just listened to me and heard me out while i went through very emotional times and let me just have my episodes. i know society teaches us that only partners can hold, comfort, soothe, and help us heal, but that's not the case. i've had friends who have drawn hot bathes for me because of how bad my pain was, friends who have brought me food, friends who have checked on my locks and windows the morning after i had a paranoid episode.

there are people out there who will be able to comfort you and love you for who you are, no romance or sex attached. i know it seems like you'll be stuck being alone, but there are people who understand. there are definitely other aroace people who understand, and other arospec, acespec, and other folks as well who get it. queerplatonic partnerships are a real thing, i don't really know why this website decided to hone in on qpps, but there really are relationships that don't fit into the "best friend" category, but also aren't romantic. i have 2 QPs that i've had for nearly a decade and they're definitely not just friends. they're my life partners, but we have never once exchanged romantic or sexual gestures toward one another. we're just dedicated to each other, and dedicated to helping us grow and heal.

i know it's hard and i know it hurts, but there are good people out there who will respect you. and it's okay to feel alone, it's okay to feel like you'll never fit in or never find someone else like you, but i promise, there are plenty of people who relate and understand. i recommend trying to find other aroace & aspec folks because we really do understand. we get that people still need comfort and love even if they aren't in it for romance or sex. take care of yourself anon, you're not alone in feeling the way you do, and you will be accepted by the right people. stay safe

#asks #answers #aroace #aromantic #asexual #acespec #aspec #arospec

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communistchilchuck · 1 year

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slams hands on table funy you'd talk about post red robin i was just discussing it with a firned. like. we don't know what the fuck happens and it's making me vibrate. i read your fic (i think??) about him and the arrows and man i wish i knew the arrowfam better to write like a full 30k fic or smth. it's scratching the brain

if it involves a chili dinner, yes that is my fic!! thank you so much, i’m happy to hear it, and there’s more where that came from as soon as i decompress from school brain fog and read a bit more about the arrows myself (my problem is that in order to write a character i feel like i have to read their entire history first, which is totally realistic to achieve 😀👍 i’ve read the arrows but i feel like i haven’t read enough) because lonnie becoming an arrowcousin is one of my all-time favorite ideas, i love it a lot. i’ve actually talked quite a bit about my ideal post-canon for lonnie, but since you mentioned it… i’ll do it again ⬇️

basically the way i tend to see post-rr going in my world is that the ünternet is re-deactivated after he and tim have a sort of confrontation, and lonnie decides to cut off their partnership (nothing that tim really did, not a ton of hard feelings. i could talk a LOT about their relationship too but i’ll save it for another day lol) after the fact in order to focus on sorting some things out. he’s been through a ton of trauma and as is his nature he tends to repress his feelings (even if he’s horrible at it lmfao), and he’s working towards recovery physically but needs to heal mentally as well. after recovering enough to travel, he calls up ollie because ollie is pretty much the only adult vigilante that’s ever teamed up with him more on his terms and is willing to help him out, and ollie’s helped him clear his name before. he has a bit of trust in ollie for that even if he tends to close himself off.

the two make an agreement and lonnie leaves gotham for star city and they go on a year-or-so road trip around the US as lonnie works to recover and reclaim the anarky name from the damage wrought on it by ulysses. fun fact! the anarky/GA road trip team-up was an actual idea that writer james peaty had for a GA book that never got written, so i’ve taken it for my own (and whoever else likes the idea). they don’t ever have a father-child relationship, but he finds some community and support in the arrows, and as lonnie usually does around ollie he brings out some stuff in ollie as well. ft. a friendship with mia dearden because i adore the concept of them becoming friends. i imagine he also allows himself to really grieve his parents, too. the arrows align well with his ideals and look out for each other, and i feel like they’d be a much more comfortable presence for him to do his work with.

after the road trip, lonnie comes back and re-establishes himself in gotham with a more community-based approach to vigilantism. its hard to break old habits and he’s still healing in multiple ways, but as moneyspider he can focus on rebuilding a name for himself as a hacktivist and organizer. he still goes out as anarky sometimes, but i like to think that when he’s ready he gives the name to the community to organize under. think… kind of like anonymous but actually legitimate, where if a group wants to claim their actions as those of “anarky”, they can, and he’ll work with them. he builds up a legitimacy and community around the name that makes it harder for people like ulysses or certain groups to usurp it again. gardening, volunteering, and such alongside the direct action he’s known for. i also like to think of him as long-term or permanently disabled, hence why i depict him as using crutches and a wheelchair. i feel like quite a few other lonnie fans like to totally brush what happened with ulysses aside, and while i have complex feelings on the subject, i don’t think pretending like it never happened is the answer to that.

i don’t think she ever joins the batfam, but she will team up with tim or steph or duke when their interests intersect. i just don’t think she’d ever be happy as an extension of them long-term, let alone someone who’d ever defer to bruce like that or wear a bat on her chest. she’s nobody’s “oracle” - she’s lonnie, or learning who lonnie is alongside a mission she still believes in. she’s very much her own operator and still rejecting systems of authority or her name isn’t sometimes-Anarky, and i imagine sometimes her work does conflict with batman’s, like it always has. she works with the people most of all. i do like to take reboot concepts and mash them with preboot, so i think he’d still meet with the We Are Robin movement like in the n52 but this time as an established hacker-informant. And not the main one of course, because they have sug-r for that! just on the side.

it’s all very much wishful thinking and best case scenarios, but i like exploring the nuances and giving the character the focus on reclaiming her life and message that i think she deserves. and hey, i did say "ideal". i know that lonnie developing from the flaws that she had in her preboot comics might require new stories and new flaws to fill their niche, but half the fun's thinking of them, and recovery is never a linear process. also i want to see her get more into weird occult shit alongside stretching a web across cyberspace and getting involved in gotham activism.

also she’s transfem to me 👍 i made a post in case you & others were confused as to why i alternate pronouns but figured id delete it and just put it here. i could also go into my gender hc, but i have before, so again, i’ll do it if prompted. i will say i don’t think she’d work this out about herself until after settling back in Gotham - if you can call it “settling”.

sorry that got super long, but that’s the general gist of my thoughts! if anybody else ever has any ideas id love to hear em!

#answers #creetchure #working on a fic that kinda goes into some of this but it is tim.lonnie. if thats not your thing totally cool but someday i will finish it #and then? ill post it #long post

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chorusfm · 7 months

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Taking Back Sunday – 152

There’s a lot to be said when a band takes a hiatus, re-shuffles their lineup, or just takes a breather to reset their focus on their music. 152 is the first album by Taking Back Sunday in seven years (with their last effort coming in 2016’s Tidal Wave), and arguably their best one yet. The album anniversaries of Tell All Your Friends and the upcoming 20-year mark of Where You Want To Be may have had a hand in TBS re-focusing their attention on their songwriting craft. There is also something to be said of the magic that happens when lead vocalist Adam Lazzara and guitarist John Nolan get in a room together to pen songs. 152 is a career-spanning love letter to the legacy Taking Back Sunday have built over their eight-album tenure, and they show no signs of slowing down anytime soon. The first track, “Amphetamine Smiles” sets the tone for 152 with a somber reflection on just how hard the past few years have been as Lazzara croons, “So you’re standing on the corner, you were waiting for me / It must’ve been past midnight / Started thinking to myself it’s been a bad couple years / Soon everything will be alright.” The quiet and heartfelt reflecting process is well-organized, and Nolan’s guitar playing is top tier on this song. “S’old” kicks the tempo up a few gears, and rocks along with veteran ease that revisits the glory days of the Warped Tour-era and the scene’s explosion. The music video was captured at a house party in Long Island, and reinvigorates the interest in Taking Back Sunday’s brand of rock. The vivid storytelling of “The One” finds the partnership between Nolan/Lazzara bearing major fruit, as the band quickly reminds fans why they stuck around for so long. The second verse of, “Now I’m close enough to reach you / All the walls that I could see through / Still the words that I can’t say go on and on and on / So now I’m giving you that little bit / Of time you said you needed then / Because you’re the one,” is just laser-focused songwriting at its best. “Keep Going” is an ode to staying the course of a long musical career, and features a great one-two punch between longtime drummer Mark O’Connell and bassist Shaun Cooper to keep the pulsating rhythm at an all-time high. The front half closes out with the ballad “I Am The Only One Who Knows You.” It’s a rich, contextual song that unfolds at just the right pacing. Lazzara explains on the chorus, “And I’m the only one who knows you / I’m the only one who knows / When there’s a feeling, there’s a promise, there’s an innocence gone / And it’s not coming back, so you keep moving on / And I’m the only one, only one who knows you,” as he makes that deep connection with the subject matter in the song. The back half never loses its early momentum gained with the moody and atmospheric vibes put out on “Quit Trying,” paired with the subsequent “Lightbringer,” that features somber verses that explode into a crowd-pleasing chorus. The self-conscious “New Music Friday” features some great lyrics of, “The best laid plans of rats and men / You know it’s never gonna end / Moving slow, stone cold hands / Dragging anchors through the sand / And I don’t know, I’ll see you there / Tell myself I don’t care / That’s a lie, I tell myself this all the time / I tell myself that I don’t mind.” It’s songs like these that make sticking by Taking Back Sunday so incredibly rewarding and worthwhile. ”Juice 2 Me” features a spiraling, spider-web esque guitar riff from John Nolan that sets the tone for the rest of the song, while album closer, “The Stranger” is a nice encapsulation of all the styles TBS went for on this record. I connected with the second verse of, “There you go again / Leaning on the fence / Why’s it always have to be this hard / Shouldn’t have to be this god damned hard,” since it reminded me of the tough days of early love and relationships that took a ton of effort, while Lazzara brings it home with, “‘Cause don’t you get lonely? / Like I know you get lonely? / Come on, act like you know me / Don’t you get… https://chorus.fm/reviews/taking-back-sunday-152/

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akaraboonline · 1 year

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Where Does That Leave Me If I'm Not A Hookup Chick Or A Relationship Girl?

At my age, everyone around me seems to fall into one of two categories: relationship females or hookup chicks. Some people joyfully commit to their partners and have been together for years, while others are wildly, joyously dancing from guy to guy as they enter their 20s. Although I find both types admirable, I have some difficulty because I don't feel like I belong into either. Where Does That Leave Me If I'm Not A Hookup Chick Or A Relationship Girl? Hookups terrify me. I find it extremely frightening to consider inviting a total stranger into my home or visiting a relative of a stranger. It's just... freaky having sex with a man I don't know. I mean, I'm not sure if he has an STD or if he's into some really strange fetishes. What if he's a peculiar killer of some sort? I might be too much of a hookup chick because I watch too many crime programs. Relationships also terrify me. On the other hand, I find it unsettling to consider committing to someone. Up until something goes wrong, getting close to him, placing your confidence in him, and spending a lot of time and money on him are all attractive and enjoyable. What occurs if he departs from me or if we simply don't get along? That kind of confidence is difficult for me to give. I don’t really get out much. I usually spend Friday evenings having a date with my bed. I've even had fortunate enough to sleep with it occasionally. Even when I do go out, it's never to a bar. I don't really go out much. I simply don't have the opportunity to meet a man to hook up with. If I'm not out with all the other hookup folks, it's kind of difficult to be a hookup chick. I really enjoy my freedom. The problem is that I enjoy having a serious connection with myself. I enjoy binge-watching Netflix on the weekends while curled up in bed without wearing trousers and some snacks. Giving up those evenings or at the very least sharing my popcorn is part of a relationship. I simply don't believe I'm prepared for that move at this time, and perhaps I never will be. I get attached really quickly. I have a history of monogamy. One-night encounters are not something I do. Because I find sex to be such an emotional experience, I tend to grow attached to people very fast. The guys I hook up with end up making me want to spend more time with them and becoming more than just physically attracted to them. Even if it's just for one night, I'll think about him until he's elevated in my consciousness. I'm not precisely hookup material because of this. I have huge commitment issues. My family history is full of three-month commitments. I easily form attachments to males, blossoming during the honeymoon period, but the moment things get challenging or serious, I leave the relationship. It's a terrible pattern I've developed. I still act in this manner despite being conscious of it. There are countless ways I can explain it, but in the end, I know it's just that I might not be ready for a committed partnership right now. I get really clingy. I rule the adhesive world. I constantly contact my partner, updating him on my day and keeping him informed because I love the spotlight. Others of comparable status find it to be admirable, while some guys find it annoying. In any case, it doesn't exactly make for a decent "friends with benefits" scenario when I text him good morning the following day and inquire whether he arrived home safely each evening. I need alone time to function. I'm prone to pushing my man away occasionally when we're dating. I require some leisure to simply be by myself. If we've been going out a lot, every weekend, I'll probably start requesting that we remain in on Sundays or coming up with reasons why I have to stay in on occasion. Guys assume I'm losing interest, but all I really want is some leisure to be the lazy slob I really am. I’m pretty much a walking contradiction. I require alone time because I dislike being alone. I'm afraid to pledge because I become attached easily. It can be challenging for me to understand what I want in a relationship because I sometimes feel like I'm continuously contradicting myself. While a part of me yearns for the solid commitment you read about, another part of me is still youthful and prefers to be free to date a variety of men for a while. It can irritate both the males in my life and me. So what am I? I'm still youthful, at the end of the day. I don't need to be a relationship girl or a hookup chick because I'm in the prime of my existence. I can go into every relationship with an open mind and be willing to embrace whatever may happen. Okay if that means I have a lot of partnerships that last for three months. I'll consider myself extremely lucky if I encounter the man of my dreams tomorrow. It's great if I have some time to myself. I'm just content with who I am and have faith that someday I'll find someone who appreciates my contradictory nature. Read the full article

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wastelandlovingscenarios · 3 years

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regret | deacon x sole survivor

“i don’t feel the same way, charmer.” his voice was barely a whisper.

sole felt a lump grow in their throat as they tried to fight back the tears that threatened to escape. they tried to let out a simple, “okay, i understand,” but only silence filled the air.

deacon knows. he catches the tears building up in their eyes and knows their voice is silently attempting to scratch its way out.

he desperately wants to stop their pain, wipe their tears and remind them that he thinks no differently of their relationship, but something in his heart tugs as sole fights back to hide their vulnerability from him. “i’m sorry.” is all he truly lets out because in reality, his words are just as lost as soles own.

to sole, his words become a blur. their knees become weak as their vision becomes clouded with tears they refuse to let out.

‘i’ll give them time,’ he thinks but his feet struggle to find movement as he continues to stare down at sole, speechless for the first time in a long while.

before he could make a move, sole rushes out of the room, not sparing him a second glance. the sound of the door shutting behind him breaks deacon out of his trance, grounding him back to reality.

a tinge of regret pokes at his heart and he silently pushes it away, knowing that this was for the best. he didn’t have feelings for them and it was nothing but the truth.

or so he thought.

the next few weeks are almost a blur for him as his partner goes mia from the commonwealth. the first two weeks, he tries to let it be, convincing himself that sole might’ve needed some time to themselves to sort their feelings out, so he lets them. seeing them might be the last thing they need, so he tries to fight the urge to do so.

yet, as time goes by, the worry in his heart rapidly grows when they’re announced as missing by the minutemen. he grows unnaturally quiet upon hearing their words and feels himself grow weak at the possibilities of what could’ve happened to his partner.

searching far and wide did almost nothing for him and only flared his concern. there was little to no clues of their disappearance and the hope that he would find them sooner or later began to slowly deteriorate.

deacon takes in a deep breath, trying to soothe his mind of all the concern and regret. how could he let it get this bad? why couldn’t he at least check up on them day to day instead of running away?

deep down, he knew the truth of it all. it screamed volumes to him and no matter how much he tried to silence it, it grew louder with every passing second. he avoided sole as much as they avoided him because deacon refused to confront the truth between them both. he never provided closure because he never knew how to.

and the more he refused to face the reality of the situation, the longer the days stretched. he found himself pushing everyone away, spending countless nights with tears streaming down his face, hoping someday sole would just turn up on the railroads doorstep. he didn’t care if they forgave him or not— he just wanted to see them safe.

tonight, he found himself with a bottle in his hand, hunching over the counter as he drank the night. he silently thanked lady luck for landing him in an almost empty bar for no one to catch the state he put himself in. unbeknownst to him, a certain mercenary watched his back from the minute he’s entered the bar till the very last drop of his nth bottle.

“you know, i don’t think that’s a very healthy thing to do.” deacon looked over his shoulder, and though his vision continued to spin, he automatically recognized the annoying face that pestered him.

“let a man ‘ave fun, asshole.” he slurred, trying to push out a grin. maccready rolled his eyes and occupied the seat near deacon, folding his arms.

“i’m serious.” mac pulled the bottle away from his hands, tossing it to the bin nearby.

“hey, i was-!” before he could finish, the mercenary cut him off, not wanting to listen to a word that left his mouth. “do you wanna talk about it?”

his words cut through the facade he tried to pull off and deacon immediately fell silent upon his words. “i know we don’t meet eye to eye all that much, but i hate to see you like this.”

as much as he wanted to lie to his face, continue his said facade, he wasn’t physically able to upkeep that image anymore. it was extremely tiring, especially with everything going on. he let out a sigh and allowed his head to fall on his arms that rested on the table. “you wouldn’ understan’.”

theres a pregnant pause, but he eventually responds. “i don’t, but i could try.”

it takes him a few moments to decide whether or not to confide in someone, especially maccready of all people. to his dismay, the words leave his mouth before he could stop himself from letting it out.

“you won’t tell?” it’s a point of no return— he knows — but for some reason, he doesn’t take it back. was the consequences of actions finally getting to him? probably. he didn’t have time to think as maccready let out a small, but shocked, “of course.”

and so he lets it out— not everything — but enough for maccready to get the message. how it all lead up this point and how it contributed to their disappearance.

“i think i made a mistake.” he says, voice barely a whisper. “i made a huge fucking mistake and i don’t know what to do.”

mac looks down at agent with sympathy, detecting the pain trapped in his voice and sighs, “we all do. it’s just the human in us.”

the rest of his words grow obscured as his eyes droop, the alcohol and sleepless nights finally catching up to him. slowly, but surely, the world blacks out.

it’s almost dreamlike— the feeling of his hair being brushed softly and the way a familiar voice lulls him awake. he lets out a small groan as his head pounds violently from what he hoped was the night before. he thinks it’s all in his head; the soft touches and the soft voice that continued to fall upon his ears. it’s so painfully familiar, yet it couldn’t be but he felt his heart jump at the possibility of it.

“sole?” his eyes shoot open but close back in an instant as the gentle light illuminating from the window cracks filled his vision. his head dips on what seems to be their lap, trying to block it out desperately. he felt the same hand that brushed his locks rest on top of his eyes to protect it from the sunlight that only made his head throb more.

“morning sleepyhead.” upon hearing that sweet sound, tears began to form in his eyes once more. the one person he’s yearned to see for what seemed like centuries was finally within arms reach. just like that, his tears fell effortlessly, collecting in soles hand as it streamed down his cheeks.

“deacon?” before they could remove their hand to reveal the tears spilling from his eyes, he quickly places his hand on top of theirs as a silent request to keep his eyes hidden.

“i’m sorry.” he chokes out, voice cracking through each word that left his lips, “i’m fucking sorry. i-“ he gently squeezed the same hand that rested on top of theirs. sole remained silent, watching as he spoke through ragged breaths. he tried his best to muster out his apologies, thoughts — feelings — through the pounding of his mind.

“everything i said, it was a lie. it was all a fucking lie just to avoid having some kind of attachment in my life. i hurt you because i was scared of facing my fears.”

“lie? scared? deacon, what-,” their words drifted into nothingness as deacon continued on.

“no matter how much i tried to run away from it, i knew i couldn’t. i had feelings for you. feelings more than this partnership that we both agreed to do, more than the best friends we claimed to be.” at this point, his feelings poured through the cracks of his heart and he knew that he would fix it this time, even if sole no longer felt the same way. “i fell for you hard. i was in love with you and i still am, sole.”

after a deep breath, he continued on. “you don’t have to forgive me. you don’t even have to give me the chance to love you properly, i just want you to know i’m sorry. i’m sorry it had to take you to leave from my life for me realize how much this meant to me. how much you meant to me.”

for a moment, it’s still; the air seems tense at first and time seems to freeze. there’s this sense of fear that overtakes his mind for a mere second.

soon enough, time seems to continue on as sole places a soft kiss on his forehead, allowing it to linger for a few seconds. “we’ll talk about this more when you wake up, okay?” they whisper and as reassuring as it sounds, he’s still terrified. terrified that he’ll wake up alone.

“will you be here when i wake up?” he tries to let it out calmly, but there is a hint of panic and unsureness in his voice he couldn’t push away any longer. all of that seems to melt away as sole lets out a small chuckle, his heart swelling with a mix of pain and relief.

“yes.” they reassure, “i’ll be here for as long as you need me.”

he let out a relieved sigh, keeping his hand on top of the one that covered his eyes. for the first time in weeks, everything finally felt right.

“love you, charmer.” before he could hear their reply, he felt himself being pulled into slumber that quietly called his name.

#fallout #fallout 4 #fallout 4 companions react #fallout 4 companions #fallout 4 reacts #fallout fanfiction #fallout reacts #fallout reactions #fallout x reader #deacon/sole survivor #deacon x sole survivor #deacon x reader #deacon #angst #happy ending #one shot

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jess-the-vampire · 3 years

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What can you tell us about your AU kikimora? What is her relationship with everyone?

While i wait for the show to get into kiki's backstory and motivations, here's my view of how she feels about everyone in this au

Belos: She still simps for belos tbh, holds a lot of respect for him (Most of the time). Usually will agree with him on most of everything, but at the same time is the person forced to keep the entire house together and therefore keep belos together when he isn't. She prides herself in having a close bond with him because of how little he speaks to anyone else and rarely forms connections with anyone else. She's typically the one to sell his inventions because she's a better speaker and far more social, and prides herself in that though she does hate dealing with some customers. They have a rather respectful partnership, and kiki probably cares way too much about him. XD

Hunter: So when hunter decides to live here, she's not fond of him. In fact she tells him straight up not to touch anything, not to provoke her, not to bother belos when he does his work, ect, ect. She and hunter will regularly throw shade or mess with each other frequently. It takes more time for her to warm up to him. Because she has no unhealthy competition with him for belos's affection though, it's far easier for her to form some kinda bond with him. They both sorta connect on their need to prove themselves and care for belos, and when they actually do work together and are not driving the other nuts they actually are a rather scary duo. Hunter helps her in their booth and he's good for keeping her from lashing out at rude customers.

Crimson: So Kiki doesn't know much about this guy outside of the fact Belos is his brother, and belos has a lot of resentment towards him. She kinda just thinks he's an annoying pest and goes along with whatever belos says about him because she's given very little other opinions on him. She likes to also annoy him, like never saying his title correctly , she will call him something close but not exact such as "Red Rodent, "Cherry Chump, "Scarlet Stooge", ect, ect (It annoys him a lot). If belos hates someone, she also will hate that person, usually that's how it works. She does get used to him better when he's living there, it just....takes some time.

Steve: She might bully him just a little, she and belos are more then used to his hijinks tho and they've learned to live with it.

Eda: "I don't know much about this bird but she's out to hurt belos so i will rip her limb from limb with my tiny hands, i hate her smug attitude towards everyone and how she puts us in danger i'll-"

King: Lap dog, childish, smug spoiled brat, should never be allowed so much power or a mic....ever. 10/10 would fight.

Luz: Luz messes with her so much, on purpose, that i think kiki would glady murder her if given the chance. Belos and hunter are her impulse control. Hunter forming a bond with her down the line doesn't change that, she's very suspicious of her constantly and is always ready for an excuse to get her back if she makes one wrong move. Luz would still mess with her tho.

Amity: Weird goth girl Hunter is friends with, she's more pleasant and easy to deal with then his other friends.

Matt: "What's with this sassy and lost child?" (Matt and her encourage the worst of each other on a few occasions, so they can get along when they're both getting back at people.)

Willow: Doesn't understand why Hunter is so desperate to be friends with this shy plant girl at first, shuts her mouth about bringing her along on missions when she sees her SCARY ASS PLANT POWERS. Gets used to her positivity over time since hunter loves having her around. (if you're going the huntlow route she finds it gross watching them be cute together tho and leaves the room every time)

Gus (Who only starts hanging out with them after willow does): She thinks he's fine if a bit annoying, she just wishes he stopped making illusions while she's trying to focus and does not find his illusions of her funny.

That's most of everyone whose relevant

#kikimora #areverseoffeathersandmudau #a reverse of feathers and mud au #the owl house #toh

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nice-kill-tanaka · 3 years

Text

🌄Kyoya + Rival Fiance🌌

Summary: Had you two not been paired off since you were young, your intellectual spats would have been much more...uncouth...to say the least. But, being maritally connected might be the needed push for you to realize your collective potential.

A/N: Outlet for needless unresolved sexual tension™️?? Yes please!

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

👓Kyoya Ootori👓

You met Kyoya when you both were around twelve years old

Your respective fathers had reached a long-lasting stalemate in their efforts to merge their companies in a way that was satisfying to both sides. And this was a last ditch effort to successfully complete the deal crucial to your father’s company in particular

Your parents were reluctant, as you were their only child. But, cautiously decided to go through with it after you gave your (albeit, slightly uninformed) consent

It was a dinner for yours and the Ootori families alone. One to finalize the deal. One to introduce the young future “lovers”

You sat across the table from one another, exchanging glances of matching intensity and analytical intent

You knew next to nothing about the quiet boy in front of you. But, you did know that he, just like you, were used to being the smartest person in the room. And, if not the smartest, the most observant

Your first words at that dinner never went beyond greetings and farewells. Very suffocatingly cordial for what was supposed to be two young and bright kids brought together for what their parents described as the “greater good”

Make no mistake, you both knew that this arrangement held more benefits than a successful business deal

But, something about your future husband made you want to intellectually step on his neck (Lovingly of course ❤️😚🔪). And it was the same sentiment vice versa

Up until you and Ootori (The name you insisted on using to address him) started attending the same school, neither of you could pinpoint why the competitive tension between you two was so strong

But, you and Ootori do figure it out eventually, through learning about each other’s pasts

I’ll put it like this:

Unlike Ootori, your gifts were never overshadowed by well-off or talented family members. Though praise wasn’t a frequent thing either. You were always subconsciously told to improve though. Through that, you were almost always the one on top. And you knew it. You liked it there, sure, but you were never complacent. You wouldn’t be caught dead being surpassed because you didn’t bother to try

You were the monarch, and you stayed that way through working, soaring to higher levels than your adversaries could ever imagine

Kyoya, being the eclipsed moon to virtually everyone’s sun, had to learn how to flourish in the background. He knew that a lot of the time, he was the most capable person in the room, but other people didn’t recognize that. So, he had to make his mark through craftier methods

He was the one with his sights set on your throne. The only one able to conquer it. And you knew that

In summary your relationship is a constant back and forth between Kyoya using his silent cunning to surpass you, and you reclaiming your place with pure drive and spite. You were the one he wanted to overthrow, and he was the assassin you wanted to outsmart

“Hm, I wouldn’t have expected the fleeting top student to score so far below me. I suppose this is part of another big plan, Ootori?”

“Well, L/N, I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that the class average is unusually higher than normal. You’ll have to work a little harder next time to maintain your far lead won’t you?”

Or:

“That’s the third time you’ve eaten lunch with the Tsuin sisters this week L/N. I didn’t know you were looking for new friends.”

“Networking is never a bad thing Ootori. I got their parents’ company to invest in our fathers’ partnership in less than a week. But sure, call it ‘looking for new friends’.“

Something like that 😂

The thought of becoming personally involved outside of social performances never left your minds. But, the lack of cooperation between you deemed the option unnecessary

You and Kyoya were still strictly rivals when you both met Tamaki Suoh

You, for one, never quite understood Tamaki and his motives. Especially when he proposed an idea he had for what he called a “host club”

When Tamaki spoke to you individually, he suggested that you become the club’s manager, since you politely declined becoming part of the act

The second time you spoke with Tamaki, it was with Kyoya, and you quickly realized what was going on

Though, you weren’t sure what made Tamaki think you and Kyoya would make a good team. You knew the potential was there, but pride was another big hurdle to clear

But, through a bit of convincing (and Tamaki’s puppy dog eyes), you and Kyoya agreed to partner up in running the technical business aspects of the host club. Kyoya as the vice president, you as the manager

Things were a little rocky for the first week or so of business. Both you and Kyoya had the same end goals in mind, but the friction was in how to go about it

Your approaches were more straightforward. Practicality and efficiency were what mattered to you. Sure, you didn’t mind playing the long game. But, if you didn’t have to, you wouldn’t

Kyoya’s approaches were intricate and methodical, designed for the sake of the long game. He was willing to wait for everything to fall into place, even if it wasn’t the best for the short term

But, since you knew Tamaki wouldn’t be much help to your dilemma, you and Kyoya had your first genuine conversation

“We do get things done eventually. But, only after a disagreement on our approach.”

“I suppose you’re right, L/N. Functioning the way we are now would only hurt us long-term.”

“So, is that an agreement to collaborate?”

“Of course. Besides, if we’re to be married one day, working as one unit is something we’ll need to learn.”

Kyoya gave you a cunning, yet teasing smile as he walked away. The club, undoubtably hearing what he said to you

You raised an eyebrow and gave a dumbfounded glance at your rival, who you just let stalk away without hearing your reply

This was the first time either of you verbally acknowledged your arranged marriage. Or, at least, met it with something other than dismissal and a nasty look towards the other person

Your ears and the skin between your eyes burned with heat, though you were sure it was only from Kyoya exposing your arrangement to the entire club. You had never felt so flustered by him, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to welcome the feeling yet

Kyoya on the other hand, wondered why he said what he did. It was something that slipped out in an attempt to make you all hot and bothered with no chance to reply. A small victory for him. But, what did he actually think of marrying you?

...Well, to be honest, he kind of liked it

Being able to marry someone on his intellectual level meant things would never be boring. Especially with you being so self aware

Besides, two minds for business meant neither of you needed to inherit something to be successful. You two could build your own economic empire from the ground up and still have time for vacationing on the weekends

((Ignoring the fact that Kyoya also finds you physically attractive. So, you guys would legit be the prettiest couple in Ouran))

From then on, your relationship became like a shiver of sharks. Dangerous individually, but when you see them together?

Pick a god and pray.

With your combined cunning and observational skills, no one can pull a fast one on the host club

Your little jabs at each other slowly became more playful, leaving the other with a burning face and a ghost of a smile

Even Honey-Senpai began religiously shipping the two of you

“Kyo-chan, Y/N-chan, can I be the ring bearer at your wedding?”

To which you both stare down at the cheeky little boy, then back at each other, aware of what he was doing. You smirk with endearment, and speak first:

“Well, that’s a big responsibility, Honey-Senpai. You think you can handle it?”

“You can’t get any cake on your suit, remember?”

Honey-Senpai faltered immediately at Kyoya’s last statement

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

[🌌Take this for your travels, bud. Don’t worry about paying me or anything, everything’s on the house! Though 🍁likes🍁 and ☘️reblogs☘️ are appreciated!🌄] — Reagan

#extra supplies #caravan commodities #ohshc #ouran high school host club #ohshc x reader #ohshc headcanons #kyoya ootori #kyoya ootori x reader #kyoya x reader #ootori x reader #sorry this is kinda long 😅

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blacksunscorpio · 3 years

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Pisces notwithstanding, I hope you answer my ask (victim mentality hook line and sinker). My cheekiness aside, I would love to hear you take on a Composite Venus conjunct Composite Ascendant and square Composite Pluto (signs are Capricorn and Libra if that helps). How does that couple come across?

Composite Venus conjunct Composite Ascendant

Two people come off to others as friendly, charming, sociable, and generally the kind of couple who has similar tastes and interests. Since the Composite Ascendant is the relationships "face" as it were, others perceive the union as an amorous but agreeable partnership. A relationship where two people generally like each other and complete each other well. This aspect can also indicate the "handsome" couple. The couple that looks "good" together in matters of things very much about the senses, i.e: Clothing, money, aesthetics, grooming/style. The couple that comes off as compatible on a superficial [Venus] level. Very easy cooperation. The couple will exemplify Venus and act her out in the day to day. The blending of the desires will be seamless and there won't be a lot of trouble with this aspect alone. A lot of love here and perhaps a financial pay off, too as Venus is ruler of the 2nd house. Good placement for two people who want to invest together. Great placement for the literal "law of attraction". The couple that will be physically comfortable with eachother AKA the PDA types. Hand holding, kissing, hugging, etc.

Now throwing Pluto in the mix might will change things...

Composite Venus/ascendant square Composite Pluto can be dealt with. It will just make the sexual fascination hard to ignore. Two people will be very turned on by eachother. The problem is, with a square it'll exacerbate the issues in the relationship and bring the hidden and buried issues to the surface where what is, on a surface level a picture perfect relationship, might manifest with a closer look as a toxic one. Especially if Pluto is heavy in the charts of the natives and afflicted or two people are just underdeveloped in general. The drama is biblical. There is a push-pull aspect here. Make up, break up. Hot and cold. Power struggles. Why? Because you're dealing with the 2nd house 8th house axis. Classic Venus Pluto. Taurean and Plutonic themes. In this particular case you've got another difficult pairing, Venus and Saturn in hard aspect compatibility wise.

Someone always wants the power but as this is composite and analysis of the relationship itself, no one fully has the upper hand. It goes back and forth. Typically. However, if one person is more plutonic, they will usually be the aggressor while "Venus is the victim". This will be the couple that loves eachother one moment then has a blow up at a dinner party with all the friends because Paul took too long of a glance at Nancy behind Olivia's back. VERY passionate about each other. These people will remain attracted to eachother for the long term. Why? Because of the psychological intensity. You two can't get eachother off your minds. Lots of manipulation with the square. Perhaps even sabotage. Lets say these people go on a break, if one sees the other too happy with someone else, they'll find a way to shut it down. Sliding into the DMs. Intimidation of the new lover. Future Hendrix-esque messages about how they'll never find anyone who loves them as much as they do. The Toxicity *System of a down voice*, smh lol. There's a spell two people are under with this aspect. It will be very hard to let go but often two people might need some space and need to lead separate lives because of the pressure-cooker vibes this aspect creates.

"I can't live with you but God forbid I live without you. [I'll friggin die]"

Two people are obsessed with eachother and since Pluto is also aspecting the rising of the Composite, others will observe this about the couple. Think Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big from Sex and the City. It looks glamorous, glittery, and it's clear there's a deep attraction here, but behind the scenes there's betrayal, affairs, the inability to leave eachother alone. Power struggles. And oh! The Drrrrraaammmmaaaaaa. So much drama. You secretly love it though because that's Venus/Pluto [and throw in the Martian 1st house]. You don't feel alive if the relationship doesn't have a dash of Broadway with Garnish of a daytime soap.

You'll want healthy Saturn or strong Jupiter in harmonious aspect in this composite so forgiveness, maturity, and stability come easily. Otherwise, psychological traumas aren't possible, they're probable. One of those relationships you will have to take some time to heal from. Take a good look at the natal chart to see who might be bringing the energy and how go deal with it in the healthiest way possible.

#good question #hope this helps #composite analysis #composite #composite venus #composite ascendant #composite pluto #composite venus square pluto #astro asks #astro tumblr #synastry asks #composite asks

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