#I dunno if this is well organized or anything. probably not. but it was fun.
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i really dont think the dark worlds are escapism for susie - or at least if they are, it would contradict how susie acts in them. disregarding that theyre definitely not an escapist fantasy (berdly is ignored at every turn and doesnt have his smart-boy theme park, noelle is forced to face memories of dess that the world ignores in favor of pretending she never existed, literally everything w kris and spamton neo) susie actively goes AGAINST the hierarchy of the dark world system. she wants to be friends with the darkners and repeatedly points out how weird it is that theyre supposed to serve lightners, even mentioning spamton when ralsei tries to ignore it. and why would a person like SUSIE have a fantasy of an entire world of people totally subservient to her?
You're correct in the assertion that Dark Worlds are not a one-to-one escapist fantasy, yes! But that doesn't mean it cannot serve as escapism for the Lightner characters who visit it. There is a reason that every single Lightner who has visited a Dark World so far likes it there and/or wants to go back.
For Berdly, sure he does get ignored by Queen a lot of the time, and is unable to make his Gamer's Paradise. HOWEVER, he learns how to better connect to his peers, gets to come clean about how much keeping up the appearance of "smartness" weighs on him, and it's clear he's have a lot of fun being a cool knight in glow-in-the-dark-armor. He agrees with Noelle and Susie's initial plan to form another Dark Fountain.
[Image ID: Berdly right before attempting to create a Dark Fountain, saying "So is there any reason not to...?" End ID.]
For Noelle, yes, being in the Dark World brings up memories of Dess. But these memories aren't a bad thing, she's not disturbed by them. In fact, she's excited to be having an adventure, she's excited to be discovering new things about this new world! Her recalling how she and Dess and Asriel and Kris used to have adventures together too is more reminiscent and nostalgic, appreciative of getting the opportunity to have adventures like that again, and not indicative of someone who is being triggered by the situation at hand.
[Image IDs: The first five are from when Noelle and Kris walk through the December puzzle. Noelle says, "...when I said this city makes my head spin... I didn't mean in a bad way... you know? I always wanted to go someplace new, you know? ...And Dess... always told me she'd take me." and "...don't you miss exploring, Kris?". The last is of Noelle smiling, talking about the Dark World, "I've never... had an adventure like this before." End ID.]
For Kris... Kris is a more complicated case, because we oftentimes cannot see how they feel about a given situation. We do, though, have their two options in response to Susie saying the Darkners should come to their world, with "Yeah let's do it" being more enthusiastic and proactive then "Seems a little far-fetched". Also, I think it's safe to say they want to go back, for one reason or another. Because fucking uhhhh:
[Image ID: Kris opening a Dark Fountain at the end of Chapter 2. End ID.]
For Susie, in my original post I already gave examples of how much she favors the Dark World, how important it is to her, and how much she likes it there. Here, I'd like to define the term of escapism itself. Wikipedia describes escapism as a "mental diversion from unpleasant or boring aspects of daily life, typically through activities involving imagination or entertainment". It is important to note that in order for escapism to function, the "world" where you're escaping to does NOT need to be utopian. As someone who struggles with escapism myself, a lot of the media I use as an escape does have its own conflicts, flaws, angst, etc. The Dark World has it's issues too, but that doesn't mean it cannot provide an escape for those visiting it. There can be certain aspects of the Dark World that make Susie or the other characters uncomfortable, but as long as it is a better alternative to the "real" world, it can still be an escape.
So, here and within my previous post, I've begun to make a case that Susie displays signs of escapism. However, that still begs the question: Why is Susie susceptible to escapism, particularly within the Dark World?
From certain context clues, we can infer that Susie's home life is... Not great. In the start of chapter 1, she's afraid she's going to get expelled from the school, for something as menial as eating chalk. She says a bush is "basically [her] house now" because she took a nap in it. She drinks milk from an alleyway, completely unaware of where it's coming from. She doesn't call her parents when Toriel asks her to, and she can have impromptu sleepovers whenever she wants without telling them, meaning they're fine with her disappearing for an entire night (if they're still in contact with her at all). She sees herself as (metaphorically and physically) a monster, a bad person, someone who can never be a hero, someone who no one would want to be friends with:
[Image IDs: Susie right before her fight with Lancer in Chapter 1, saying, "I get it, y'know. Why would anyone..." She smiles bitterly. "...really wanna be my friend anyway?" End ID.]
I think it's safe to say that Susie, when we meet her at the beginning of Chapter 1, is unhappy. She's ostracized from her peers. She has little to no support network. She thinks all of her classmates are waiting for and want her to be expelled entirely. Given the position she is in, it's clear why she would want to find an escape. Thanks to the Dark World, she's able to connect to Kris and Noelle and even Berdly, she meets Ralsei and Lancer, she "becomes" a hero. After spending probably most of her life believing she's a bad person, in the Dark World she gets to be one of the GOOD guys (something she rejects at first because it doesn't align with her view of herself, but she's clearly much more comfortable with the title of hero as the story progresses). She gets to feel good about herself, she gets to feel good about what she's doing! She gets to save the world, she gets to use a cool axe, she gets to start learning healing magic, she gets to have fun with her new friends...
[Images IDs: Susie describing the Dark World, "And no matter what happens... No one tells us what to do!" End ID.]
You are right, anon, that a world of people subservient to her would not appeal to Susie. But the wish-fulfillment like nature of the Dark Worlds, the way they give her a chance to a hero, to be liked and appreciated for who she is, and even the way that the Darkners can't tell the Lightners "what to do", DOES. Susie wants to be free from authority, and the Dark Worlds present her with a situation where she can actively go against it, dismantle the system, and come out victorious and unscathed- something she cannot do in her own life. Susie does bring up how strange the whole "Darkner's purpose" thing is. She's clearly uncomfortable with most kinds of authority, and that means she's uncomfortable being the authority too. She does benefit from the way Lightners can pretty much do whatever the hell they want, but above that, she wants her and her Darkner friends to be equals. However...
I think that its somewhat important to note that, while its very prevalent in Chapter 1's narrative, the idea of it being Weird that Lightners are "meant" to serve Darkners takes a back seat in Chapter 2. We still see bits of it, like how we see Queen wanting to make the Lightners happy, but it's rarely ever called to attention in the way it was in Chapter 1: Susie telling Ralsei to quit it with the purpose talk, the Spade King's motivations against the Lightners, and Seam talking about the relationship that Lightners and Darkners used to have. We don't get to see a lot of that discussed in Chapter 2. Ralsei has taken Susie's advice. He's acting less compliant, learning sarcasm from her, and considering who he is outside of his destiny. Outwardly, he's displaying less of that "Darkner's purpose" mentality. Susie seems to be happy with this, and she doesn't bring it up in Chapter 2, because to her, the problem has been "solved", at least somewhat. In fact, almost none of the characters mention this Weirdness in Chapter 2. It is an inconvenient truth that can be pushed to the side.
Where we DO see this idea of the power imbalance between Lightners and Darkners utilized the MOST is within Spamton's subplot. But, for a large portion of that plot, Susie isn't present. Kris goes into the Spamton shop and (initially) the basement alone. Susie knows something is off, she realizes how uncomfortable Kris is, but she doesn't see a lot of what Spamton says about "heaven" and about being free. This is purposeful. Susie so far has been the one who's most directly against the power imbalance. Not allowing her to see more examples of it with Spamton's plot allows her to continue not thinking about it. It allows the imbalance to continue being swept under the rug. In fact, when talking about what was weird about the Spamton battle, Susie doesn't even mention "heaven":
[Image ID: Susie after the Spamton battle, listing it's oddities, "Puppets... strings... hands..." End ID.]
The power imbalance of Darkners and Lightners is weird to her, but it's not a deal-breaker. She still enjoys being in the Dark World. She still has fun there. She still stays up all night thinking about it. And, at the end of the day...
[Image ID: Susie smiling and saying to Kris at the end of Chapter 1, "Let's go back there tomorrow, alright?" End ID.]
She wants to go back.
In conclusion, I really do think the Dark Worlds provide escapism for Susie. They are not a perfect fantasy, but they don't have to be. As long as they are a better alternative to her life in Hometown, as long as they are giving her an adventure, giving her the friends she thought she could never have, giving her a chance to "be a good person", and a break from the expectations and pressures of her life...
[Image ID: Susie talking while Kris and her stand in front of the Dark Fountain, "But... is that really a bad thing...? Since they started showing up, Everything's gotten a lot more interesting, hasn't it...? ..." End ID.]
"Well, we don't have to think about that now..."
It's an escape.
#sorry for writing a fuckin essay and a half anon I just feel strongly about this one.#I dunno if this is well organized or anything. probably not. but it was fun.#I wanna do more analysis like this in the future mayhaps... I have Thoughts and Feelings and they Roll Around in my Brain.#susie#susie deltarune#deltarune#deltarune meta#asks for em#safeutdr#also none of this takes into account the other route because Its A Whole Different Route. its gonna have different overarching themes#em ids
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Hello! I’d like to request the mercenaries with a fem mercenary reader who is a shapeshifter and has a pretty chaotic personality? Basically Nimona from the movie Nimona lol
Watched the movie finally, and now I'm gay for ballister. Thanks for that xoxo. be on the lookout for something on him because i want to chew him and hit him like a tennis ball
Also, it's safe to say I got a little stupid with this one 💀
Mercs with a chaotic! reader
Warnings : swearing, light mentions of gore, talk of body parts, medic.
CHAOS CHAOS CHAOS *jevil laughter*
Probably get along really well with Pyro and Scout not gonna lie because Pyro likes to burn shit (Even though I'm pretty sure they think they're spreading joy and colour) and Scout is pretty hyper in general, willing to go along with anything as long as it's fun.
*burns down barn*
"huddah huh huu hud."
"Yeah, loving the colour too, pally. Really makes the wood boom." *evil chuckles*
As soon as Pyro learns about your shapeshifting ability, they're all over you. They want you to play 3 different characters at their tea parties simultaneously and transform into a unicorn so that they can ride you into battle and fulfill their wildest dreams
"Hud hudda hu hubuh huuuuh HUDDAH!!"
"Okay, okay, fine!" *transforms into a unicorn* "Get on."
*excited hu noises*
"HUDDAHHHH!!"
Besties 💗🌈🔥✨️
Some of the older and quieter mercenaries are NOT gonna be having a field day with you and your silly little personality.
Sniper hates it THE MOST. He doesn't like people that much in general and can barely keep up with the hyperactive chaos that is you, so he mainly sticks to watching you burn shit down from afar.
"Did'ya really have ta' do that much?"
"Yeah. Why, you not liking it, pissboy?"
"..."
"That's what I thought. Don't be a hero, buddy."
Although he doesn't appreciate your snarky attitude, he likes how you can shapeshift. He really likes animals and will sometimes scope in on you when you transform, nodding with approval and whispering a little, "cool" that he hopes nobody hears.
Spy thinks you're a nuisance around the base but definitely sees the usefulness in your shapeshifting abilities since he kinda almost does the same damn thing, just with his goofy masks. He respects you for that, if anything, at all.
Do not ever expect to replace him or get remotely close to him in espionage, though. If you are at the same level as Nimona, you're not great at directly impersonating humans, and he will tease you about it.
"What was that, today?
"What was what?"
"The 'Oh Mon deu! Ack! Oohh! I dropped my baguette' if that was meant to be an impersonation of me, know that it was terrible, and my lawyer will be contacting you."
"I dunno, I think it was pretty accurate." *shrug*
Medic loves you. Sorry, not sorry. Loves you. Does get tired of you sometimes, but not all the time. He's generally also very *bzzz bzzz chaos organs* so he's happy to indulge in whatever you want to do which usually involves the absolute destruction of everything.
Medic is also incredibly fascinated by your shapeshifting ability. Do not sleep around this man while shape shifted because he's poking and prodding everywhere while you're out.
"Ohoho... how peculiar" *pokes open nerve*
"YEOUCH WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"
*nervous chuckle as he hides a bucket of blood and from your view*
Engineer tries to be that guiding light he thinks you need. He's a friend, a father figure, a colleague, whatever you need. He's a nice Southern gentleman with a slightly insane twist. Encourages you to be careful around the others, but if you aren't, he's not complaining. Makes the job easier if everyone listens.
Heavy is pretty chill with you. He's neither annoyed nor pleased that you're around. He relatively keeps to himself, medic, and his guns.
Actually, do not touch his gun. Do not pretend to be his gun either.
Soldier and Demo like your charisma. You can be a pretty fun drinking partner for demo, and a nice soldier when you're willing to follow orders (which isn't usually) but as long as you get the job done with as much destruction as possible, Soldier is saluting you almost as much as he does the American flag that is hanging next to his bed.
"ANOTHER GREAT DAY, TODAY! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND I MIGHT RAISE YOUR STATUS, CADET!"
"SIR YES SIR! or something I dunno, fuck this is weird..."
*walks with soldier, ignoring the screams of the dammed behind you*
He makes you transform into an eagle and has you sit there on his arm for a while, admiring you fly. It's brought him close to tears on many occasions.
Whenever he gets married to Heavy's sister, Soldier is making sure that you are THERE as an Eagle. He'll pay you to fly across the sky and make majestic bird noises.
Overall, some very mixed experiences. But a fun concept either way.
#nimona#tf2#team fortress two#tf2 x reader#tf2 scout#platonic tf2#tf2 medic#team fortress two x reader#tf2 engineer#tf2 spy#tf2 pyro#tf2 demoman#tf2 heavy#tf2 sniper#tf2 soldier
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Fic title: Non-compliant Weapon (Rexobi, Murderbot AU)
(regarding this fic title meme prompt)
Ok, there’s two ways this could go. One, the slightly more predictable path of some flavor of reincarnation AU where the Jedi Organization (some kind of meddling well-intentioned doctors-without-borders type group) has gotten neck deep into several volatile disputes and need help, so they’ve gotten a generous donation of sec-units from, I dunno, Palpatine Industries (Insidious Industries is more fun, but a little too on the nose). Of course, these sec-units come with pre-programmed sabotage routines up to and including Order 66, and of course sec-unit Rex manages to wriggle around those.
The more interesting idea I had was a bit...messier.
The plunnie starts with the notion that for a full three hot seconds, some megacorp in the galaxy decided that clones were the next big thing and just mass-produced a whole bunch of them. There was enough outcry that the project was scrapped, the company went broke, and the clones were shoved in cryostorage to become someone else’s problem when all the lawsuits were done. Shortly thereafter, sec-units became a thing because that skirted some all the nasty ethical issues.
Decades if not centuries later (...I have no idea when the Murderbot books are supposed to be other than The Future), whatever megacorp bought up various assets discovers they have a bunch of illegal product sitting around frozen in a warehouse. It turns out that the cheapest method of disposal is actually to thaw them and toss them a small agro planet to colonize (the potential fallout if they just space the clones or keep them in a basement somewhere is just too high for profit margins, much to the relief of everyone else).
And that’s how Rex and his brothers end up thawed, with some nice genetic repair work, on a brand new planet all their own, and no idea wtf to do now since they aren’t expected to just fight something. Since Rex is one of the more restless clones, he ends up doing resource management, taking surplus out for trade and scrounging interesting stuff to bring back. And one day he walks into some space!army surplus store to discover in the back there’s an old sec-unit and its cubicle. Rex starts off feeling weird but wildly sympathetic to this deactivated fighting unit, only to become REALLY creeped out when he asks in passing about it – and learns its being kept around for eventual spare parts.
Rex is not okay with this. He dithers a bit, but ends up purchasing the whole unit and brings it home.
Cody gives him a bit of hell, but he gets where Rex was coming from, so he sort of resignedly welcomes their new sec-unit: [some clever punning/l337 speak version of Obi-Wan Kenobi].
So it turns out that this sec-unit is defective. It’s good at fighting, but it doesn’t like to fight. It talks. It talks a LOT. It’s astonishingly good at negotiating.
It also flirts with everyone except for Rex, which Rex is absolutely not put out about in the least. Really. He’s not irked. It’s a good thing. This damn thing comes out of the box flirting, that’s disconcerting so it’s kinda nice that Rex doesn’t have to put up with that – especially since it’s quickly decided that since the sec-unit does talk anything in circles, it’s most useful going with him to help him barter. And hopefully keep him out of trouble, though Cody is the only one to say that, the bastard.
Since this is a Murderbot AU, that means it turns out that there’s actually something Very Valuable on the clones’ new homeplanet, and at some point they’re actively defending themselves and/or having to diplomat with hostile bodies who are Not Impressed that a sec-unit is one of the main negotiators.
(It helps when things go pear-shaped, of course, since said main negotiator can dish out and take some extreme damage. So that's not too different from canon.)
Things finally settle down, Rex and Obi-Wan return to venturing out on the regular, until one day – probably after some spectacularly vicious flirtation with someone trying to kill them – Rex just blurts out, “I have never been able to figure it out. You will flirt with anyone and anything, the more hostile the better.”
“It’s a wonderful distraction tactic.”
“Oh, I’m aware. You specifically pick out pet names to enrage people.”
“It’s hardly my fault the Duchess didn’t like to be addressed as ‘my dear’!”
“It kind of is, but…” Rex hesitates, then shrugs, still not looking at Kenobi. “You have never once flirted with me.”
Silence. Rex sneaks a few glances, and Obi-Wan is refusing to look back at him. Finally, when it’s clear Rex will play the waiting game, Obi-Wan just shrugs right back. “I don’t know how to do it sincerely. Flirt for real with someone I like.”
Rex goes through several stages of oh with embarrassing speed. He twists around to stare. “What – but – even from the very beginning?”
Obi-Wan continues to not look at him. “I might have been...less unaware than my prior owner believed.”
Rex blanches, well recalling his own long time in stasis – a cold, mostly dreamless state of unconsciousness. The notion of being even somewhat lucid across those long decades is nightmare fuel even before considering the indifferent way the guy at the store had talked about spare parts in a box.
Then there are super-awkward cuddles, eventually leading to some kind of queer platonic aro and/or ace ship happily ever after. ^_^
Thank you, this was a fun challenge!
#meme#fic title meme#shadowmaat#made of awesome and win#star wars#murderbot fusion#fic ideas#plunnie available to a good home#rex/obi#and that's all the prompts I got#thanks for playing!
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here are a few sneak previews of what we’ve got going on (this is really more to organize my thoughts and force myself to come up with titles than anything else)
upcoming rocket raccoon fics behind the cut
1. Window Across the Galaxy
aka long&angsty. hoping to start posting on Sunday or Monday.
Slooowww burn + eventual smut. elements of hurt/comfort because rocket is the saddest-angriest boy. Slight AU starting pre-GOTG volume 1 (but will hit most of the same major plot points).
Rocket is captured by a Ravager crew hoping to get rich off the excessively large bounty on his head. Throwing a wrench in everyone’s plans is the Terran girl they hired to do some freelance assessing on a recent haul of goods they’ve seized from a Xandaran luxury liner. Oops.
She looks at the rusted bars, and back to her brute of a tour guide, and sighs heavily. Slowly, she turns back to the cage, swaying toward the bars so she can peer in at eye-level. She’s immediately face-to-face with the creature. His ears are still pressed flat against his head, fur bristling, and he’s gazing back, clearly suspicious and probably - justifiably - feeling more than a little bit mean. She’s suddenly certain that if she got close enough, he’d take out her eyes.
There’s no helping herself, is there? One corner of her mouth twists up in exhausted resignation and she nods.
“Welp,” she says solemnly to the raccoon, “fuck me, my dude.”
2. Blackmail Material
(codename: pwp???). will probably post part 1 in a week or two.
just pure fucking smut. this was gonna be two parts but I'm leaning toward three now (smut // fuff // smut). probably takes place sometime after endgame but before volume 3? not that it really matters tbh because there is NO FUCKIN PLOT HERE. ur girl's got a praise kink so that'll definitely be featured per usual.
basically: rocket finds your vibrator.
“I’ll tell you what,” he offers up, still grinning that shit-eating grin. “I won’t say a word and I’ll give it back to you. You can even keep whatever batteries are in it.”
That sounds too good to be true. You raise a brow and cross your arms in front of your breasts. “If?"
“If you let me watch you use it,” he challenges, eyes daring you. “For science.”
3. Domestic Scenes in Space Travel
(codename: ok sweatshirt girl.) i dunno -maybe post the first one by mid-august?
Comics-inspired but not exclusive - just a buncha feel-good fuffy one-shots and equally feel-good smutty one-shots.
Series of slice-of-life readerxrocket one-shots following The Very Boring Adventures of Space Pilot & Sweatshirt Girl.
“Just try not to push any buttons or pull any levers till you know what they do.”
You snort. “I fully intend to keep my hands completely to myself unless I have your explicit permission to touch.”
Rocket leers. “That could be fun.”
Your eyes narrow. “Space Pilot, I’m gonna need you to focus on the task at hand so I don’t end up accidentally jettisoning us.”
4. Other Duties As Assigned
(codename: schemers, dreamers, & multicalendar memers) i don't have an intended outcome for this fic yet so while i am VERY much enjoying it, i first need to grapple with whether or not i'm okay posting something that may be unfinished. i usually try to avoid that.
I have no idea whether this will get smutty or not (probably, knowing me?). Begins five months after The Snap.
Natasha Romanoff is an administrative nightmare - a fact that does not go unnoticed by the (interim) captain of the Milano. First she demands that the remaining two Guardians of the Galaxy be reachable via a primitive Terran messaging system, and then she can't be bothered to read the frickin' emails.
Thank fuck she's hired a new assistant.
**THIS MESSAGE IS ENCRYPTED**
To: <[email protected]>
From: <[email protected]>
Subj: re: WHAT THE FUCK RED
Date: Monday, September 24, 2018 7:34am
well that’s probably the nicest message I’ve gotten since I hacked the internet
I’m gonna have to kill your boss though
(a super-secret spoiler sidenote - i have a formula and I shamelessly overuse it, so there are no surprises here: girl falls first, raccoons falls harder. every fuckin time friends.)
#rocket raccoon#rocket raccoon fanfiction#rocket racoon x reader#gotg rocket#rocket raccoon x oc#rocket raccoon x you#reader insert#gotg fanfiction#guardians of the galaxy#rocket x you#fanfiction
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I know it's a little silly but you having merch makes me real giddy. Like damn I remember the early day streams and look at this imp now!! She got merch! Imp become big!! It's super fun to see. I hope the Mimi plushies come back in the future, bank account was too desolate to snag one now.
hell yeah homie 💜 thanks for all the support over the years!!!
actually, my third anniversary of streaming was THIS WEEK!!! i just forgot about it lmao!!!
some brief thoughts and words on that below the cut
(and maybe someday i'll be able to release a plushie again... maybe cooler stuff... we'll see!!!)
damn remember read mores? i can't believe this site is still around
anyways.
this week marks my third anniversary as a full-time streamer! well, I say "full-time streamer" but honestly I'm not very consistent (or good) at it lmao. don't get me wrong, I love streaming, love hanging out with the chatroom stoners and shooting the shit while playing games or whatever and I'm eternally thankful that I get to pay my bills thanks to the generosity of kindly stoners online. you guys are the best!!!
(for the record, none of this is intended to come across as self-deprecating or baiting engagement or anything, I am simply speaking objectively and truthfully)
I feel like my lifestyle (and combination of rotating hyperfixations + debilitating attention problems lmfao) doesn't conduct itself well to being a ""Good"" streamer y'know? can't rightly schedule streams because I never know what kinda vibe a future day is going to have, can never decide what I'd even stream ahead of time, can't stream at a consistent time of day due to tumultuous changes in sleep schedule, can't plan or organize Big Fancy Event streams due to attention problems (tabletop stream coming Soon™️™️™️™️™️), all I ever stream is Defense of the Ancients 2 (I'm sorry my brainworms from my teenage years came back I prommy I'll stream something else. at some point. eventually. maybe. probably. definitely)
despite all that dumb shit, you guys have stuck with me! you're the best!
over the years, my community has helped me pay my bills, helped me move across the planet, helped me better come to terms with long-ruminated thoughts on my gender identity, helped me with hella inspiring art and fan works, inspired me to focus on and improve my own creative endeavors, etc. etc. etc. etc. I truly can't thank you guys enough for the joy you all bring to my life every day!!!!!!
my job title is "Streamer" but in truth, the most important part of this job to me has always been building and maintaining a stable, comfortable community where folks of marginalized identities and the like can come together in a judgement-free chill zone to hang out and inspire each other in. my Discord server is my pride and joy! I love hosting random, unannounced watch parties of the same 5 cartoons at 4:20 AM with you guys, I love hanging out and working on art with you guys, love seeing your art of your characters, etc. etc. it makes me happy that I've been able to provide a cool lil corner of the internet for folks to have a good time in.
so uhhh anyways rambling aside. you folks rule and I'm glad I get to maintain such a cool spot online. dunno where I was going with this other than that. here's to many more years of hanging out and ripping the bong my dudes 🤘👽⚗️
to quote my man chipp zanuff's theme,
BE FREE 'TIL YOU DIE
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valentine's weird shading not-a-tutorial tutorial
let me preface this by saying that i am not very good at tutorials, hence the "not-a-tutorial" in the title. let me continue prefacing this by saying that tumblr's search function is still shit and ass, making me incapable of trying to find the post i wanted to and forcing my hand into making my own instead. if anyone has the link to the post i'm talking about feel free to send it to me or something. anyway let's get into it
so the one thing that helped improve my art's lighting and shading drastically is, instead of thinking shadows being additive, is to think of light being subtractive instead. again emphasis on the words "my art" so this might not work for you personally + this probably also only really works in a digital medium, but like. what do i mean by that?
enlisting the help of that one sketch of ghost/ray i drew once, i've slapped together a few pics that may or may not help make the point i'm trying to make clearer. i dunno, but either way you're gonna want to decide where your light source is coming from first before you start. ok let's go
anyway, this is what i like to call "shadows being additive" or in layman's terms basically just drawing in your shadows by hand instead. this is probably how you've been taught to shade, and it works fine if you know what you're doing! however, since this pic of ghost just Standing There is pretty simple it makes shading this way relatively easy, but if your composition is more complex, you have a bunch of things blocking the light source, and/or you have weird perspective going on; then it might start getting pretty difficult. it sure as hell did for me in the past anyway
but. what if i told you. that there's a different way to approach shading
now introducing: "light being subtractive" aka drawing in your lights instead. in the real world, objects are naturally shrouded in darkness until a light source is present. this fact is then reflected in this shading style by having you begin with a layer filled with your shadow color before erasing the areas where your light hits (then refining it later). this style probably works better the more your knowledge of how objects reside within a 3d space is, but either way i personally prefer this shading style bc of how the shadows feel more organic to me + it works fantastic for dramatic lighting as well
honestly your layer mode doesn't even need to be set to multiply either. in a visual novel i released a while ago under a time constraint i chose to shade my sprite using pure black set to normal mode because it was faster to me than actually having to worry about the colors that come with using a multiply layer
but uhhh yeah either way that's how i got good at shading i guess by changing the way i approached doing it in the first place. hopefully this helps someone out there. idk man i'm not a professional artist or anything i just do this stuff for fun
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Translation trivia!
Despite being so very simple, Tanzawa's title went through a couple different translations. Military and official ranks are always such a hassle. Mayumi being demoted from the leader of an army to "lance corporal", literally the lowest possible rank of officer, is a good example of what a too dictionary-dependent translation can do.
Blessed are those who don't know about or simply have the power not to care about titles in fiction. Unfortunately, I can be a bit of a stickler about them - or mostly just don't want to make unforced errors myself.
The title used here is 小隊長 shoutaichou, very literally "small force commander". In real-life, modern Japanese usage, the "small force" (platoon) would typically sit between a "part force" (squad) and a "medium force" (company). The title of 小隊長 itself doesn't have a direct translation, because it isn't really a rank used in real life: if anything, it looks more like a position than a rank. However, in English, it seems more natural to address military/police superiors by rank rather than, I dunno, job title. And, well, you could expect a platoon to be led by some flavor of lieutenant. Lieutenant is also an easy (and kind of "cool") term people recognize, so it's a pretty appealing choice. As such, I called him Lieutenant at first.
However, as I said, a lieutenant typically leads a platoon, and is actually of decently high rank. A platoon generally consists of several squads, and at least has a lot more than just two people. Tanzawa's subordinates consist precisely of Momiji and the kid. While the squad/platoon distinction doesn't actually come up in the manga, it seems obvious that a squad is what you'd call them, and 小隊 (which, again, kinda just means "small force") is not being used in its exact real-life sense. So, I demoted him to Sergeant - more appropriate for the leader of a mere squad, while still recognizable and similar in vibes to Lieutenant.
You may notice that this whole time I've had the problem of trying to force real-life, modern titles onto a fictional, archaic organization. Given how some of tengu society has modernized, the white wolf tengu might as well have adopted the Imperial Army system or something, but it doesn't seem that way. If a 小隊 consists of two regular soldiers and their boss, and we haven't really seen the rest of the hierarchy for now, it's probably a bit bold to assume that real-life modern titles like private, sergeant or lieutenant can or should be used in the first place. Using one of them makes you assume the presence of other, lower and higher ranks and structures that the tengu might not actually have. They also bring in other mental images and associations that don't necessarily belong.
But it's not like 小隊長 is some historical samurai term, either: it's just generic and descriptive, literally the most basic thing you'd call someone who leads any kind of "small force". As I already mentioned above, it's more of a position than a rank per se, but in a sense, that didn't really click for me until this point. Much like Mayumi's 兵長 just means "soldier commander" rather than any specific real-life rank, Tanzawa really is just a "squad commander", and trying to speculate beyond that is just overcomplicating things.
Now, I'm not completely happy with this. Always defaulting to "[X] Commander" feels a bit generic and uncreative on my part. It would also cause trouble in the long run if the manga dealt with different ranks a lot, forcing me to differentiate between platoon commanders, company commanders, brigade commanders etc., but luckily this isn't the case, and 小隊長 is the only one we really see. As such, there's no harm in just calling him Commander for short. If other ranks ever start to become relevant, I'll just have to burn that bridge when I get to it.
Also - and this is unironically important - Commander is always a fun thing to call a character.
(On a side note: it seems the Imperial Japanese Army Air Force used the term 小隊 for groups of 4 planes, i.e. a "flight" in English. Calling tengu squads flights and him a Flight Commander would've been really fun to be honest, but in the end I decided against it as a bit speculative on my part, since it'd mean going from the most generic term to an extremely specific and possibly anachronistic one. Who knows, maybe I'll still backtrack and change my mind on that.)
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Saga: Rivals - 15
Writer: Akira
Season: Winter
Characters: Tori, Hokuto, Chiaki
Proofreading: moricchiichan (JP) & Peace (ENG)
Translation: kotofucius
Tori: I have to ask in a way that won’t drive him further into a corner — Eichi-sama has been hurt enough.
[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]
Location: Soundproof Lesson Room
Tori: …Mm. I got it. Thanks for telling me everything.
Hokuto: It’s not everything, though. Just the general summary of what happened. The war last year was chaos, involving many different factions.
I don’t think anyone had a bird’s-eye comprehension of the whole picture. But the same could be said for the present… Only God knows the truth.
Tori: ……
Hokuto: …What’s wrong, Himemiya? That was a chance for you to chime in with a “God's nose is loose?”, you know.
Tori: I'm not in the mood… But in any case, yeah, I get it.
I've heard bits and pieces from Yuzuru during Starfes, and it's not like I’m stupid or anything…
I’d already picked up on a lot of things from rumors going around, and with your explanation I more or less understand the whole thing.
Chiaki: Is that right? All the same, what Hidaka and I told you were stories from our own points of view, so I think you should hear it from Tenshouin, too.
I’m sure he won’t gloss over it or justify himself. He’ll tell you everything, if it’s what you want, Himemiya.
But keep this in mind — The main character of the revolution last year was fine, Tenshouin. He was at the heart of it, fighting the longest, and that had certainly left him with scars.
He achieved a brilliant revolution at the end of it, but it’s probably not a fun story to tell…
So if you want to ask him, I hope you’ll be as nice as you can about it.
Tori: Yeah. If it’s now, I’m sure Prez will tell me the truth, without trying to look good or lying.
But speaking the truth means he can’t tell lies that protect himself.
I have to ask in a way that won’t drive him further into a corner — Eichi-sama has been hurt enough.
…Ehehe, but I feel like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders. I dunno if it’s because they take me for a fool or what, but nobody would explain it to me until now.
Only hinting that something happened… That only annoyed me and gave me more questions, you know?
Chiaki: Mm… I guess it would.
I’ll probably have to tell my juniors in Ryuseitai about the past too, one of these days.
I can’t keep trying to look cool; it’s a rule that a hero’s transformation must come with a time limit.
But you know… However I try to wrap it, it's just really gloomy and embarrassing, and a bit too grisly as a tale to tell.
I really don’t like exposing my kids to that, if I can help it.
Tori: See? Always treating us like little kids. We’re not even that far apart in age. The upperclassmen in this school are all like that.
Anyway, Sagami-sensei already told us about the history of the idol industry before. If that was like the history of this country, then what you told me just now is probably contemporary history, right?
The story that’s directly connected… with the times we’re living in now.
We’re included in that history, and the future will be written according to the actions we take from hereon, right?
Maybe that’s plain as day, but it’s still so strange to think about~ ♪
Anyway, I wanna organize the facts, so I’ll be summarizing them in my own words. Correct me if I say something strange or get something wrong.
Hokuto: Alright. My father and Sagami-sensei went to the chairman’s room by themselves, for coverage on the show today or whatever it was they said…
The academy probably thinks just having those two, the key people of Project-Saga, would be enough,
But I don’t like it. It’s like they think we’re not worth their time.
Well, let’s not talk about that… We’re excused from afternoon classes to focus on practice, so we still have much time to spare.
Chiaki: Yeah. When the members of Lilith arrive and the teachers come back, we’ll do some greetings to start with and have a joint practice, right?
It’s great that we’ll get to feel the strength of our greatest rival from up close.
Hokuto: I agree. But from what I heard, that Lilith group is basically my father plus Eve — so it’s making my head hurt, personally.
I still haven’t won against Eve, and my father is a constant nuisance.
Tori: Eve… So Hiyori-sama will be here too.
He kinda insulted me around Summer Live, so I don’t have that good of an impression of him…
I was a bit disillusioned, since I’d been his huge fan before that…
Though it was my own fault for mistaking my own idealization of Hiyori-sama for the truth.
Hokuto: Hmm, so Tomoe-senpai insulted you, Himemiya? On the other hand, I don’t have such a bad impression of him —
I was confused at first — he got on my nerves a lot, too — but the things he said were in themselves right…
He wiped us out unsparingly onstage too; it was an admirable feat, and a great lesson.
Tori: Yup. I get that he’s admirable as an idol. It’s just something regarding our families, you see…
Let’s just say we rich people have a lot going on, okay? Commoners like you probably won't understand, senpai!
Chiaki: Yeah. I especially don’t get it. But Hidaka’s plenty wealthy too, so he can probably see where you’re coming from somewhat?
Hokuto: No… My family is a bit unique, we’re not really involved with the others that dominate the area. We’re completely unfamiliar with their conflicts and history.
Tori: Mm, alright. I’ll tell you a bit about it later, then! In return for telling me about what went on in Yumenosaki Academy.
Anyway, we’ve gotten sidetracked. I’ll summarize what you just told me.
The original super idol was a godlike man who created everything in the idol industry…
The many super idols in history tried to succeed after him, by ruling over their respective eras like kings.
But none of them held a candle to their God, the first idol —
Then that God vanished from the public eye, and even passed away, losing his influence…
There was that terrible scandal too, pushing the idol industry to a long winter.
Hokuto: Ahh… SS was a nationwide broadcast, so you also know about that case, huh, Himemiya?
Tori: Yeah. …I wonder how Akehoshi-senpai manages to always laugh like a fool despite his background.
If I’d been in the same position… I definitely wouldn’t be able to recover.
Just imagining that kind of tragedy happening to my dear Papa and Mama… Just the thought of it makes me wanna cry.
Hidaka-senpai, you have to be Akehoshi-senpai’s support.
Chiaki: I ask you the same thing, Hidaka. Of course, I also plan to be a good support for him.
Hokuto: You don’t have to tell me, I will be. …Let’s stop talking about this. I don’t want to pretend it never happened, but I don’t think we should gossip so loudly about it, either.
Tori: Okay. Continuing on… In the wintry times, Sagami-sensei appeared and revived the idol industry for just a moment.
This achievement was the reason Project-Saga kicked off — they expected him to revive the industry once more.
But at that time, Sagami-sensei retired prematurely, and there’s no longer anyone to stop things from going downhill…
Both the idol industry, and Yumenosaki — which stood at the center of it — entered a dark age.
[ ☆ ]
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#ensemble stars#enstars#enstars translation#hyenahunttl#s: saga#hokuto hidaka#chiaki morisawa#tori himemiya
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I am living for your Binghe househusband au, and now I’m imagining a future side story where Tatsu and Masa get brought into the SVSSS world through Contrived Plot Reasons. Masa would definitely freak out, but I can’t decide if learning that there’s an alternate world where demons and magic are real would faze Tatsu? Either way, they’re both glad for him after learning that he’s happily living his best life thanks to what they taught him!
^U^ Thank-you so much! I agree, Masa would freak so hard, especially since Binghe's got access to his cultivation and all his demonic powers here! Just imagine - landing in this weird new place surrounded by people who look like they're from a fantasy Cdrama, and then you hear a familiar voice, what a relief, it's Binghe! And he comes dashing up, wearing clothes like these other people but with a black inner layer rather than white, and he's got on an apron and shades, and it's Binghe, good ol' familiar li'l bro Binghe... who has pointy ears and fangs and when he takes his shades off his eyes are red now, and then he sees Masa freaking out he just... changes back to how he looked when he was spending time with him and Boss Tatsu. Ah-haha, what?
Meanwhile Binghe's so excited to see Tatsu-sensei and introduce him to Shizun and Binghe's new friends and look, Sensei, I'm not married yet, but I'm keeping house, please inspect my work! Also, um. Let’s get Tatsu-sensei and aniki some different clothes, I know you’re perfectly suitable for going out in public where you live, but you’re half naked here.
Tatsu probably gets checked for possession, curses, sealed powers, and the like a million times, all the while Binghe tries over and over to convince everyone that no, really, Tatsu-sensei is just Like That, he’s fully human and not cursed or a cultivator or anything, he’s just... like that. Really. It took Binghe awhile to figure it out, too. Beyond that... I dunno, I have the feeling that Tatsu would externally roll with all this while internally going ??? and worrying about how Miku’s doing while he’s he’s here. Is she eating all right, she’s not spending too much of the household budget on games is she, did he shake out the futon before he left...?
Meanwhile Masa... oh Masa. (climbs onto a stack of books to be tall enough, puts hands on his shoulders, and stares into his eyes) I’m sorry, you’re a fun character and an okay guy, but you are not smart, and SVSSS is going to take one look at you and slap you upside the head with six different wife plots. This is a man who’s going to learn about duel cultivation before he goes home, not even because I’m trying to start anything, but because I know in my heart that this is what would happen to him here.
On the plus side, he is proud that his li’l bro’s doing so well for himself and is apparently part of one of the biggest, most successful organizations around. And Masa never really got why Binghe was so into this Shizun guy, and he still kinda doesn’t, but (from Masa’s perspective) Binghe’s well on his way to being the wife of the second in command of this group, and that’s nothing to sneeze at, so good for him. And hey, Binghe’s got some some subordinates (Mobei-jun, Liu Qingge, and Sha Hualing) of his own that seem pretty tough, congrats!
Binghe: They’re my friends, aniki.
Masa: Then how come they do what you say?
Binghe: (trying to think of a polite way to say ‘I’m the smart one of the guys and Sha Hualing only really listens if she thinks it’s funny’)
Meanwhile Tatsu’s off learning xianxia laundry techniques and subtly getting tested for demonic possession again.
Thanks for the ask!
#The Hopeful Hybrid's Househusbanding System#svsss#scum villain's self saving system#way of the house husband#immortal tatsu#wothh masa#luo binghe#ask#anon
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rotating hazel and leon in my mind some more. but also my beloved OC camila and her nerd boyfriend cheren
for context, camila is my OC who replaces hilda/hilbert as the MC for pokemon black & white. she's a pokemon battle loving dork who is upsettingly physically strong. as in, when she disappeared for 2 years while looking for N, she was sparring with her own pokemon. hand to hand combat with a blaziken. basically taking on plasma grunts herself instead of bothering with the formalities of a pokemon battle. she's also hazel's cousin, older by 2 years
a couple years after B2W2 came out, i decided for one reason or another to retire camila- that she'd become champion, she didn't need to do anything else and she could retire.
problem? camila was 16 during the events of B2W2. she's young!!!!! she doesn't need to retire! I'M FIXING THAT. SHE DESERVES BETTER
so now i can spend time thinking about what she, cheren and bianca are up to 10~ years later! especially since at some point camila and cheren started dating for real (and are effectively an old married couple at this point)
since we don't have any new information on cheren and bianca officially.... i'd like to think cheren's moved up from being a teacher at the small trainer school.. maybe a larger school somewhere in unova now? i'll have to think on it, but i'd like to think he's higher up in the pokemon league structure now, but probably is still a gym leader
i'd like to think camila took the initiative post her 2 year trip around the world to ensure ghetsis is out of the picture and neo team plasma is disbanded for good, while helping N and Rood establish the remaining dedicated team plasma members into a more coherent organization dedicated to helping weak and abandoned pokemon
camila, unlike hazel, is a little more comfortable with being in charge and taking on duties, so she works with the pokemon league a lot more and still serves as a representative even though she let go of the champion role officially a long time ago. that saaaid, she's still a fan of running off and having fun instead of being tied down to paperwork (leaving all of it for cheren to do, while she gets to do fun things like wrestle a beartic)
meanwhile bianca's a little more settled, still working on her pokemon professor studies and focusing on like, 5 or 6 different areas because she's still not 100% sure what she'd like to focus on when she finally becomes a fully fledged pokemon professor- she's friends with Sonia, though! she always seems to be interested in a new topic every week... but! she's very knowledgeable, and it comes in handy more often than not- just more in a practical sense, and less a study sense
when they all have free time though, camila's absolutely dedicated to getting the three of them out of unova- whether it's going to champion summits, just tagging along on research trips with bianca, or literally any reason under the sun to go somewhere, she's making an excuse to take her best friends with her <3 (and once in a while picking somewhere romantic to go with cheren)
and, well, that new undersea academy off the unova coast sounds interesting. cheren got a job offer to teach for a semester there... hmmm....
meanwhile uhhhh leon and hazel are holding hands. i dunno. i HAD something i wanted to say but it disappeared out of my brain
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📄 and 🤔 for the wip ask game? <3
📄What’s a WIP you never finished that you would like to go back and revisit?
(this is gonna be long, you have given me an excuse to rant and I will not hold back)
It was a story that was less of a story and more of a concept. It was basically a combination of fantasy, fiction, and heists.
The story took place in a school in the middle of nowhere, undecided if it would be a high school or university. Main characters are two girls, one's mostly human and the other is just entirely not human. It takes place in the real world, where basically everything is the same except there's this demon-adjacent people called "daems" and they didn't live on earth but lived in a world that was kinda parallel to earth? Idk I made it when I was 13 okay.
Anyways, occasionally there were daems that would slip through, either because of transportation malfunctions in their own worlds (which relied heavily on magic), or because they brought themselves there with these specially magic staff thingies. Basically, there were three in existence and were all made from the wood of this ancient tree that didn't exist anymore. The staffs were able to perform magic the daems weren't capable of, WITH the hitch that they relied on different rocks and crystals to perform specific tasks.
Basically, the staffs were all-powerful and could do almost anything, but you were limited to one type of magic at a time and the more powerful spells required rocks and crystals that were incredibly rare.
See where the heist thing comes in?
Basically, the two girls who I said were mostly-human and not human was a girl who was 1/8th daem, entirely human to anyone looking at her but still detectable to other daems as one of their kind and still able to kinda-sorta use their magic. The other girl was just a straight-up daem though.
I'll call the 1/8th girl Violet and the daem girl Pearl. I suck at names but this'll make it easier
Pearl came from the daem world after acquiring (stealing) one of the three staffs from a museum. She was already a well-known criminal and is now being hunted for sport, basically. She's been on our earth for two or three years now, using the staff (that can conveniently turn into a ring (I WROTE THIS WHEN I WAS THIRTEEN)) to get by in life, using daem magic separate from the staff to make herself appear human.
I never decided how Pearl made a life for herself. I figured the story should probably take place in high-school because I didn't see how she could get into university after spawning basically two years ago. Maybe she was just adopted by some nice, naive older couple who put her into a private high school out in a forest or something to help her catch up with her education.
Anyways, why do Violet and Pearl meet?
Well, in their world there is a group called the Daem Research and Containment Organization, or 'Draco'. They, as stated, research and contain daems in their world, meaning that they are incredibly hard to come by.
So, Pearl, after not meeting another Daem for two years now, suddenly is roommates with some girl who seems human, BUT. As previously stated, Violet is still detectable as daem to others. Pearl thinks Violet is like her, obviously not realising Violet is actually almost entirely human.
The story would start off with Pearl trying to convince Violet into admitting she's a daem. Maybe Pearl takes Violet through a portal into the daem world, where magic that makes them look like humans would disappear, only for Violet to look the exact same and uh oh Pearl has seriously fucked up now.
Then, somehow, I dunno, Violet get's involved with what Pearl was doing? Maybe there is some sort of all-powerful crystal that Pearls had her eyes on since forever ago and it could be very helpful in some problem Violets been facing. Maybe Violets having a rebellious streak and thinks it'd be fun to go on museum and bank heists with Pearl.
At some point, Violet was going to temporarily obtain one of the other two staffs, but she's only 1/8th daem and can't use the magic properly, get's them into a shit load of trouble as well as losing/breaking the magic staff. So now conflict has elevated and Pearls mad at Violet and stuff? And the third staff belongs to a fierce warlord or something and he's been trying for ages to get the staff that Pearl has because it's special, even compared to the other two.
I think the staff was special because it was able to perfectly create portals between the human and daems world. Each staff had a use it was best for, and all three broke the "natural laws" of their world. Two we already know; matter cannot be created or destroyed, but also another rule exclusive to theirs, which is that it is impossible to freely and purposefully travel between the human and daem worlds.
The warlords staff was best at destroying, the staff Violet temporarily has is best at creating, and Pearls is able to create these portals between their worlds. The warlord probably wanted this in order to take over the human world?
Yeah. It was shenanigans, bank heists, them being followed/investigated by DRACO, and trying to avoid one of the most powerful daems in existence (because sometimes they needed to go into the daem world to get the specific rocks they needed).
Jesus, I know I said that would be long but I didn't think it would be THAT long. That's basically the entire idea though. It changed a lot from the very first iteration of the story even when I was writing it at thirteen. I think it started off as basically fan-fic inspired by the Tales of Arcadia TV series?
anyways there was another question but this ones short lol
🤔Do you have an WIPs where you wish you had chosen a different fandom/character?
I think this question is more in the realm of fanfic which I haven't written in AGES. But I'll still try to answer, with that I sometimes think that Blue Cataclysm could be really interesting if Cyrus was the main character instead of Era. But that's basically it lol
Thank you for the ask! I appreciate it a lot :)
#writing#writeblr#creative writing#writing concept#concept#fantasy writing#story writing#writing ideas#writing things#fiction writing#am writing#writing prompts#ask#ask game#THANK YOU
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hi hi hello i come bearing excerpts from recent rp responses of mine that cross over tma and tftgs.
first, from the agnes and rosa conversation:
“You know,” she says, a little quietly, “if you are looking for something spooky, there are some things in the woods. I mean, we don’t have big animals or anything, and I think my coworker Jerry said that the cultists are all gone now, but I know there’s a lot more out there!” She pauses for a moment, realizing that she absolutely should not be encouraging a customer go wandering in the woods.
“I mean,” she says, quickly backpedaling as she straightens up, “I’m sure most of it’s just silly stories, but… I dunno, I hear things sometimes from the people who come in. But, yeah, probably just stories.” She quickly clears her throat, “Um, have a nice day, ma’am!”
and now, from the very tense tony and jon interaction (jon panicked and offered the tape recorder to tony to destroy it if he wants, to prove like "no i'm not recording you without permission oh god here look you can destroy it if you wanna make sure"):
All in all, this man is either an incredible actor or, as far as Tony can tell, likely not composed or organized enough to present an actual threat to him. This knowledge calms him slightly, but he still keeps his guard up. Just because he’s reasonably confident that this stranger wouldn’t be able to do anything to him doesn’t mean there aren’t others waiting in the wings.
“So it’s empty,” Tony says carefully. He almost snorts. “But somehow it’s still whirring and won’t stop… So, what, it’s possessed?” The question hangs in the air for a long moment. It’s a ridiculous premise, but Tony isn’t going to discount it. He’s seen enough to know better.
He looks at the tape recorder as the man holds it out to him, and he decides, fuck it, he has nothing to lose right now. Besides, this may be a good opportunity to gauge how much of a threat the stranger actually might be.
Tony sets down one bag of trash, snatches the tape recorder from him, and throws it to the ground hard with a small crash. He then stomps on it, grinding the heel of his boot and smashing the tape recorder into something unrecognizable.
and lastly, from the legendary conversation between simon fairchild and spencer fucking middleton:
Though he doesn’t know exactly what the guy means when he remarks that he would look for someone his own age if it were possible, Spencer doesn’t miss his tone, nor how long and loud his laughter is. A subtle glance around the room does confirm that there doesn’t seem to be anyone around the stranger’s age. There are a few older patrons, but Spencer can’t see anybody that old, for the most part. Somehow, though, Spencer doubts that that’s not what the man is referring to.
“Well,” he drawls, “maybe you just need to try a little harder.” The man’s comment about Spencer not being adventurous almost make him laugh, but the expression he makes instead is closer to a toothy sneer. “Guess I’m not--or maybe I am, but I just don’t want anything to do with you specifically.” As he speaks, he injects as much venom into the words as he can. At this point, Spencer just wants to see if he can piss this guy off. It’s no fun when the person he’s being a dick to doesn’t rise to the bait, after all.
i don't have anything new to offer from the spencer and gerry interaction at this time, but just know. i believe spencer will be maimed and i hope he is.
1: skdfjdsfk "oh wait shit i shouldnt tell her to go into the spooky forest" moment
2: i adore the fact that hes like "this guy couldnt do shit to me. there might be other people though". scrawny weak loser jon rights forever and ever
3: "i just don't want anything to do with you specifically" KJHFKJHGKDFK
honorary 4: shaking with excitement. u go gerry
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diary154
2/15-16/2024
thursday - friday
tomrrow , the end of my weekend.
strange how all my time feels a bit like a countdown, right now, but it's not so bad, it's not so awful, i guess. today i feel a lot better, still obviously sick, i sound like terrible, right now, my voice is crazy but i feel completely fine otherwise, or not completely, my nose too, but it's crazy how bad i sound, i sound like one of the red scare women, which i really hate, but at least the irritating voice will only last for so long, just hopefully before i start work. maybe even by tomorrow. i want to try recording tomorrow, i'm deciding a song has some vocal issues and i want to get them fixed, but in order to do that my voice needs to sound good and also i need to scream kinda, maybe, i dunno. it's hard to get that kind of thing right, just in every way, it's hard to get the screams right, it's hard to know if i can / should do it, it's hard to know if it'll even work and if it's even what i want the song to sound like. but i think it is, in parts, what the song needs. it's just very difficult to get the more hardcore songs right, idk what about it is so hard, some of them aren't fucked up really, but this one is, kinda, i guess.
in order to figure out what to do, i'm listening to combatwoundedveteran, they always give me good ideas, they're like one of the best pv bands ever, to me. it really articulates some kind of fucked up feeling inside, not like, about how bad i feel, but a fucked up thing that happened to excitement, where i just have to feel it like that, where it's like violent, and crazy, spastic and doing whatever, spasming on the floor.
i think getting the synth louder in this song is gonna help a lot, or like, not louder, but more present, i made the rare decision to cut out this one hardly audible synth, which was 'audible' in that it kind of super interfered with the main guitar thing, in a weird way, leading to the song sounding kind of panned, in a weird way. which maybe there's a good idea, double track the main guitar, also? idk. could be wayyy too much, if i'm doing that w/ the synth i don't know if the guitar needs that.
i'll try it, i can try anything, tee bee eytch. it's just good for the vocals to have stuff panned, and maybe even farther than i am used to. it's just so weird sounding to me, to have anything hard panned in my music, but maybe that would be good, or idk, i doubt cwv's always totally hard panned, it sounds like it kinda close but maybe not as much, i think the guitars probably share some stuff in the middle on some productions on the comp, and electric youth crew def has some stuff that's a bit more centered, and i like how fucked that split sounds on their side, super heavy in a weird way, where it doesn't lose/sacrifice the scrapey weirdo guitar bullshit, it just amplifies the mess it all makes. it sounds honestly perfectly listening now. something crazy, is the drums are panned left, there, insane to me, to even do that.
panning wider on the song seems like a good idea. it's going well, it's making me think about doing the splits/spreading my legs. strange thing to think about while mixing a song.
while waiting i've also been doing pixel art guts, which is something i'm used to drawing, idk why but i always would draw distended organs, whenever i drew, when i was like, motivated normally, and when i was studying a lot, i'd do hands, but i think hands would be really difficult to do in 64x64 res + i like doing things like deforming them. it's fun to do but i am not a very great artist, i think, but maybe i could try getting a drawing done like that, and then using it as a ref layer or something, and then doing,,, something, with it, i guess.
the song sounds really good now i think except i need to do something to the vocal mix, i think i should just try redoing it entirely but that's not a bad thing honestly, like, with everything set up, it should be easy to just like, do the fx chain, cuz i know it well now, and get things where they need to be, really i think i cut too much in weird places and just need a clean slate to try and get it right, and just cut at the start and the end, and maybe boost in this rack fx-simulator, so i can get some more highs out of it after the multiband compressor.
otherwise, i did do another song today, and that one sounds just good, this new idea i had abt doing saturation for the instrumental and then vocal separate is probably very dumb in a lot of ways but it's seeming to sound quite good, especially when i have some light saturation at the very end anyways to smash it all together kinda.
tomorrow i'll probably do what i did today, cuz i really dunno abt recording, as much as i want want want to, getting on with one song, solving issues w/ this bigger problem song, but everything is really falling into place on it, feels less like i'm thrashing around pointlessly and more like i'm on the right path. which makes me feel good.
i also dealt with a friend really bothering me today, w/ her weird stuff about another friend, i had to go and talk to others about it, she was basically humiliating him and airing stuff out that didn't need to come out. i feel like, weird, i guess, about defending my friend without telling him i did it, but he's been away all day, i guess. the humiliation wasn't anything especially bad, just like, fucking up a move, it sucks for him and her other friend who he was trying to live with, especially since my friend was not perfect, but i can't go into detail here. at the end of the day it just wasn't going to work, it seems like. the two of them did not mix especially well. i just hate seeing this one friend be like, i don't want to say a bully because she just doesn't know. she thinks making people ashamed will make them better. that's just how you push people into being bigger fuckups, i know because of my gf's brother, i know this because of my stepdad, i know this because of like, so many people in my life, my stepmother, my gf's mom, being told you should be ashamed and how wrong you were, like a dog that pissed in carpet, just grows resentment. this is really all i can say because people i'm talking about come off as petty and freakish to me and i don't really want them prying or looking. if they find this i hope they know it's them and whatever. this is a problem with a public diary, i want to say how i feel about people, but some people you have to anticipate being weird and stuff, specifically certain kinds of people in your life.
my gf sometimes looks at the diary and as it was starting i was like, embarrassed, i told her not to look, but now i don't really care. i mean, beyond not caring, i'm completely fine with it if she wants to. now that it's a regular ritual for me, it's like, not less meaningful, but now i'm in the routine of putting everything regular down, articulating the minute parts of every day, and those new feelings or whatever, or even just like, diagnostic information for mixing music.
it's crazy how badly that first 'oh my god this sounds awful in other environments' thing hit me and made me want to die like crazy. i felt like such a failure. i guess the album is better for this though.
anyway i need to sleep soon so,
byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Jade Harley, Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas
Candy, page 19
JADE: how cute do you guys think johns baby is going to be
JADE: like on a scale of 1-11???
DAVE: i dunno
DAVE: i still havent come to terms with the fact that johns gonna be a dad
JADE: you dont think hell be a good one?
DAVE: i didnt say that but ok since you asked
DAVE: i mean think about it if you were gonna rank us in order of maturity based on all the years weve known each other
DAVE: about where would you put john
KARKAT: BELOW ME BUT ABOVE YOU.
DAVE: yeah exactly
DAVE: now hes all married and pregnant and hes got a mustache
KARKAT: I’M STILL NOT OVER THE FUCKING MUSTACHE.
JADE: why not he looks so good!!
DAVE: yeah he looks disturbingly good
DAVE: i almost cant talk to him anymore it looks so good
JADE: ohhhhh?
DAVE: jesus jade dont fuckin read into it
DAVE: a bro can appreciate how attractive his bro has become and maybe get a little breathless at the sight of his chiseled jawline and manly facial hair without being gay about it
DAVE: ive just been thinking lately everytime i see him that hes
DAVE: ok dont make fun of me for saying this but its like
DAVE: johns a Man
DAVE: not a lowercase m man but a fully grown up legit fuckin Dude with a leather briefcase and a suit that he only wears on special occasions
KARKAT: PRETTY FUCKED UP.
DAVE: i know right
JADE: hmmmm...
JADE: well...
JADE: ive actually been thinking lately about how since rose and kanaya had a kid and jane and jake had a kid and john and roxy are gonna have a kid.......
JADE: what would you think if maybe...
JADE: ....we had kids???
KARKAT: WHAT
KARKAT: WHO? YOU AND DAVE?
JADE: no stupid all three of us!
DAVE: uhhh
JADE: what??
DAVE: uhhhhhhh
JADE: look i know there are “issues” to sort out in terms of um....... feasibility
JADE: but i think there are a lot of options to consider!
JADE: maybe someone can help us out
JADE: like.... someone we know?
JADE: or i dont know! what about adoption!
JADE: that could be cute! adopting a little grub!! aww...
JADE: or a human! whatever! im not picky
DAVE: uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
KARKAT: UHHHHHH IS FUCKING RIGHT.
KARKAT: JADE, DON’T YOU READ THE NEWSPAPERS?
KARKAT: THE NEW ADMINISTRATION IS CRACKING DOWN ON CERTAIN KINDS OF INTERSPECIES ADOPTION LAWS.
KARKAT: IF YOU’RE SO INTENT ON IT BEING “THE THREE OF US,” WE LITERALLY WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ADOPT A HUMAN CHILD BECAUSE THE HUMAN ADMINISTRATION IS AFRAID THAT I’D...
KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW.
KARKAT: TEAR INTO IT, AND FEAST ON ITS ORGANS.
KARKAT: AND IN THAT KIND OF POLITICAL CLIMATE? WELL, I’M NOT SURE IT’S A WORLD I WOULD WANT TO RAISE A TROLL CHILD IN RIGHT NOW.
DAVE: jokes on them ive never seen you tear into anything more complicated than a microwave dinner
KARKAT: I KNOW, RIGHT?
DAVE: i mean on the other hand if we adopt a kid young enough it would totally fit in the microwave
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK, DAVE. I’M NOT GONNA EAT OUR THEORETICAL BABY.
DAVE: yeah dude i know
DAVE: youre probably like closet dad of the fuckin year
DAVE: just waiting for his moment to shine
DAVE: i bet youd whine and complain about getting a kid til we actually brought junior home
DAVE: the moment you saw his chubby lil cheeks your face would light right up
JADE: oh... i can imagine the look on karkats face right now
JADE: heheh
DAVE: yeah you know exactly the one
DAVE: like how he looks when his hot pocket finishes cooking in the microwave
DAVE: which he understands is an instrument of food preparation
DAVE: and not some sort of grim infant warming device
KARKAT: WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BRING IT BACK TO THE MICROWAVE?
DAVE: oh
DAVE: cause i had more jokes to make about the subject
KARKAT: OF COURSE. GOD FORBID JADE AND I ARE NOT FORCED TO LISTEN TO EVERY LETTER OF YOUR MORBID INTERNAL DIALOGUE.
DAVE: whatever you love it
DAVE: anyway
DAVE: on the baby in the microwave front
KARKAT: GOD
DAVE: id be more worried about me being the one whod do the deed so to speak
DAVE: i mean its not like ive got a great demonstrative background in child rearing or anything
DAVE: considering all the places i got left as a kid i wouldnt be surprised if id just put our baby in the toaster by accident or something
DAVE: like if you tally up the amount of hours i spent locked in the fridge compared to the amount of hours i spent in the american school system learning how to be normal and do polynomials
DAVE: just sayin it looks dire
JADE: .....
KARKAT: ...
DAVE: yeah so anyway im gonna stick to hot pockets i think
JADE: dave
JADE: you really think youd make that bad a father?
JADE: even with me and karkat helping you?
DAVE: eh dont take this personally but im an evidence based hypothesis kinda guy and so far three way relationships in our friend group attempting parenthood...
DAVE: the record aint so lookin so good
DAVE: just saying
DAVE: a clown a fascist and a male sex icon walk into a bar sounds like the start of a bad but funny joke
DAVE: but when its the start of a family thats when it gets a bit less funny to me
DAVE: poor little dude gonna be fucked up
JADE: oh come on dave
JADE: tavros is a cute kid!
KARKAT: SURE, HE IS *NOW*.
DAVE: the moment cognitive function starts firing off in that kids head hes gonna be scarred for life
JADE: we dont KNOW that
DAVE: jade i know jakes like your bestie
DAVE: and also your grandfather
DAVE: and also kinda your grandson
DAVE: oh also your fucking dad i guess
DAVE: but his relationship is bad
JADE: hey... thats...
JADE: not NECESSARILY true...
KARKAT: YOU’RE RIGHT, IT’S NOT FUCKING TRUE.
KARKAT: DAVE’S JUST BEING GENTLE HERE TO SPARE YOUR FEELINGS.
KARKAT: HIS RELATIONSHIP IS NOT MERELY “BAD”
KARKAT: HIS RELATIONSHIP IS A FLAMING WRECK OF AN INTERSTELLAR WARSHIP HURTLING TOWARDS THE PLANET AT TERMINAL VELOCITY WITH THE ENTIRE CREW BRUTALLY SLAUGHTERED UPON REENTRY, SHOVED STRAIGHT DOWN THE CHAGRIN TUNNEL AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SHAT OUT THE OTHER SIDE, THUS FLOODING THE ENTIRE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD WHEN IT CLOGS UP THE LOAD GAPER.
JADE: ...its not like i dont know that
JADE: john never shuts up about it
JADE: i mean, he and jane used to be close back when we all first met but last time i talked to john he....
JADE: well, he accused her of “raping” jake
DAVE: oh shit
KARKAT: YOU DON’T FUCKING SAY.
JADE: its not like i dont worry about jake but come on!
JADE: were all adults
JADE: what am i supposed to do? show up at his window dressed like the blue fairy and whisk him away from his terrible life??
JADE: maybe that would work for a few days, but one thing i learned from dating around a lot in my youth is that no ones going to leave a bad relationship until its THEIR idea to leave
JADE: its...
JADE: ME???
DAVE: holy shit
KARKAT: WHAT IN THE EVER LIVING FUCK?
DAVE: uh
DAVE: good question
DAVE: idk but we should probably get her some help
KARKAT: HELP? FOR WHAT??
KARKAT: IT LOOKS LIKE HER INTERNAL ORGANS ARE OBLITERATED. SHE’S COVERED IN MORE BLOOD THAN I THOUGHT HUMANS EVEN HAD INSIDE THEM.
DAVE: well we cant just leave her in this fuckin hole man
DAVE: come on gimme a hand
KARKAT: JADE?
KARKAT: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON HERE??
KARKAT: WHAT SHOULD WE DO ABOUT THIS
DAVE: hey jade you hear us
DAVE: jade???
JADE: yes dave i heard you
JADE: i need to talk to jane
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March of the Machine Aftermath is fine
I keep seeing people complain about MOM aftermath, and while understand a lot of them, I disagree with a lot of it. I don't think the set is incredible, but I don't think it needs to be hated on in the same vein as double feature or 30th anniversary edition.
And luckily, the Professor just came out with a video that conveniently lists complaints, so I can just use that as a basis!
Only 5 cards per booster pack
This is one of the most common complaints, and I disagree with ti fully. When's the last time you opened a booster pack and there were more than 5 cards that you wanted from it? Maybe if it's a brand new set or you're a super collector who wants 4 of every card, but otherwise, no, most of the cards just turn into bulk. So if the 5 cards there are equivalent to the 5 best cards of a normal booster pack I don't see a difference, unless you physically need the cards because, I dunno, you use them as fire starter. I think it's perfectly normal to want more things, but they're not doing anything, so they might as well not be there, so in this case, they aren't.
The cards aren't good
So then obviously this is the issue, right? If the cards aren't good, then the small packs matter, right? But this is entirely subjective. The cards look good to me. There's a lot of fun ones in there! A lot of people say they're going to buy singles, and well if they are, then obviously the cards are good, right? Every single card in the set looks like it could have a home in a deck. All of them. There's no filler if you ask me. No, they're not all the best cards in the world that will rock standard to its foundation, but does anyone want that? Does anyone want a set where every card is the top of the format? If the card has even, like, 6 cards that end up seeing standard play, then it will have had as large an impact as most recent sets, and far more in comparison to its set size.
No Real Story
Again, incredibly subjective. Every card outside of maybe tranquil frillback and Vesuvian Drifter shows us something happening on a plane or with a character. It shows us what is lost, what is safe, what's being rebuilt, and how people feel. More than most sets if you ask me.
Very little flavor text
Just because a card doesn't have flavor text doesn't mean it doesn't have flavor. You're telling me Arni Metalbrow needed flavor text? Or the Kenrith's Royal Funeral? This has been a thing for years now, but people have never, ever been satisfied with the amount of story content we get.
The Pinkertons
Here's where I'm going to break from the pack a lot. I think WOTC were somewhat justified to send the pinkertons. Put yourself in their shoes: someone has some of your unreleased product, but claims to have gotten it through legal means. You can't sue them you can't call the cops on them, you don't even know who they are, really. But they also won't stop. They are doing it because they want the views. What can you do to stop them? Hire some private detectives to find out who this person is and stop them from revealing the whole set (it didn't work in time). The pinkertons are probably the only organization large enough to basically find one guy who could be anywhere AND try and get your possibly stolen product back. Like, someone at WotC probably just googled "how do I find a person on the internet and get them to stop leaking important information" and clicked the first link, and was in too much of a rush to double check anything. Also, the guy who did it had to have known what he was doing, and I don't trust him at all to give an honest account of what happened without embellishing things to make him look better.
Abuse of wealth and power
If someone is doing something that negatively affects you full well knowing they are, what else can you do? This guy was basically doing the card game equivalent of sharing private pics online. He knew he shouldn't be doing it, why would asking him to stop ever work? This wasn't an abuse of power, it's just the only thing they could do in the situation.
No Longer play standard
Okay, this is more of a reason not to buy the product than a reason to complain about the product. And yeah, standard kinda sucks. But it's clear this set is heavily focused on commander, seeing as how of the 35 rares or mythics, 22 of them are commanders. So in that sense, it's succeeding, and making it standard legal is moreso to reflect how it's a continuation of the plot and also because why not. If the cards are of that power level, why not let them be in that format?
Okay that was pretty much everything. I don't think the set is great, I just think it's average. People are disappointed because it's something new but doesn't feel worth it to them. I think it's fine if something is new without being novel.
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Resurfacing
Sometimes I feel like these journal entries are just me wandering into dark building and standing at a desk quickly scribbling something in a notepad under low light, before I forget it. At times it feels like a form of bargain bin therapy. "I haven't fully organized my intrusive thoughts in such a manner that I'm ready to present them to someone yet, so instead I'll post them on the internet on a page read by maybe three people." I SHOULD go back and do an actual therapy session again, especially since my benefits should be kicking in soon...
Yes, that brings me to the actual first point of this, I've been at the new job for about a month. Once again, it feels simultaneously like it's both slower than molasses and flying by like a jet plane. It's a good job. I can't say that I love it but I certainly don't hate it. It's kind of silly that that's the benchmark for employment now but I'm fairly certain the few jobs that would skip over that feeling are a little harder to come by (famous musician, captain of industry, professional cookie tester, etc.) But at this current job, the culture is good, the people seem nice, there are occasional fun activities within the team, stuff like that. I do maintain my stance on "the job is a means to end, and if, at the end, there's no means to get my own place then....OFF I fucking go to Nova Scotia." Then I get a place, put down new roots etc. It's all very easy. It's not as if anything can actually change in a year's time right? I'm being facetious, of course it can change, it can all change. But still, it's good to have a game plan.
So that's the long term sorted out...at least in broad strokes. What about here and now? Well, I finally signed up for my first open mic in a while. A milestone that should not be, but as things stand now, it is. I'm slowly trying to get back out there. More open mics will hopefully follow, and I'm signing up for more work events...which is odd for me. I'm so very much about my "own time" these days, especially since living with my folks means there's precious little of it to myself...but I'm opting to spend a Saturday to go and do a walk/run for charity with a bunch of people I haven't known for very long. I'm sure that'll be good for me in some way...and I hope I don't regret it.
And part of me can't help wondering if this is a viable alternative to online dating? Going to do an escape room or a charity walk with new work people who you don't quite feel comfortable with yet, is that a way to meet other people? Well, it shouldn't be, and isn't the end goal. The end goal is just, once again, to step outside of my comfort zone and be a little less precious about how I choose to spend my time (read: fight the urge to want to spend every other waking moment on my own). And this is how you do that apparently. Ya get out. Ya go to an open mic, on a Tuesday night...
"A Tuesday, really? I mean it's mid week...I'm probably gonna miss Jeopardy! I dunno man..."
I have to put those thoughts out of my head. Getting out of one's comfort zone begets positive change. Being social, being open. And being open means leaving your house on a Tuesday night.
Oddly, (and I'm certain I've mentioned this before) a time I can recall these kind of moment-to-moment decisions, trying new things, doing a whole slew of open mics, having drinks on the town in the middle of the week...these things all started happening not too long after...my first break up with the woman who eventually became my (now ex) wife.
Perhaps that's all this really is, or all it really ought to be: A re-rediscovery.
History actually does have a way of repeating itself, huh?
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