#I don’t want them to think less of me but all I’ve been doing is disappointing them so it’s fine if | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Tumgik

#I don’t want them to think less of me but all I’ve been doing is disappointing them so it’s fine if

girlokwhatever · 2 days

Text

ʚɞ✧˖ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- end of beginning,, pt.2

part one

emily engstler x fem!ex!reader

you got ready in record time. the combination of your nerves and excitement together spurred you into a frenzy, encouraging you to bounce around your hotel room like you were being rushed.

emily said she’d pick you up soon, causing you to hurriedly make the finishing touches on your look tonight. there was that feeling still, deep down, that you wanted desperately to impress her.

the shared conversation you had echoed in your mind the moment the two of you departed. she asked you out to dinner. your mind teetered on the line between two ideas: she wanted closure so you two could be teammates without your history getting in the way, or, maybe she hasn’t moved on.

you think in some ways you have, but was that even true? if emily came to you with a confession of love that she never let go of, what would you do?

there wasn’t time to ponder the thought because your phone dinged. it was a simple message from emily telling you she’s here. ‘waiting for you outside’ she said, simple but enough to make your heart beat faster. you gathered your essentials and left the ghost-like hotel room to meet emily outside.

when you caught sight of her, leaning against her car, hands buried deep in her pockets and ankles crossed, you knew you were done for. she looked so beautiful, no less than you remember.

“hey, sorry, i know i’m a bit early.”

“it’s all good, i was ready anyway.”

she eyes you up and down, smiling to herself because she recognizes the bracelet you’re wearing. it’s one of the many she bought for you during your relationship. a token of her love for you.

“i was thinking we could get some hibachi, your hotel is kinda close.”

you nod, affirming it’s a pleasant choice. the car ride there is filled with simple conversation. you realize it’s the kind of conversation you’d have with someone you barely know, but then again, it’s been two years since you’ve seen emily.

she is different. but so are you.

“okay i’m gonna warn you, i’ve heard mixed reviews about this place.”

the two of you had been seated almost ten minutes ago and still haven’t been given drinks. you didn’t mind much but you could tell by her bouncing leg that emily was losing patience.

“and you didn’t feel like that was worth mentioning earlier?”

“well i remember you like hibachi and this is the only place i know of that serves it.”

she’s giving you a playful shrug as her fingers toy with the lanyard attached to her keys. you can’t help but let your eyes linger, watching her facial features shift slightly when she breaks eye contact or noticing the almost invisible shake in her hands. she seems much more reserved, a lot quieter than you know her to be.

“hey do you remember that time,” she smiles as she pauses to collect her thoughts, “when we got hibachi and the guy accidentally burnt you with the shrimp?”

“oh my god- yes. i still, to this day, have no clue how he managed to flip it on me instead of the stove.”

“dude that was classic. i mean, unfortunate for you but definitely funny.”

emily leans back against the wooden chair, relaxing into the seat. she was looking at you again and still smiling at the contagious happy memory. it was a popular story to tell during your relationship.

“yeah okay, but when i mention that time in the park when you fell on your face it’s not funny?”

“no. you threw the ball way too high. i don’t even know how you threw the football like that.”

“from practicing when we went to the beach that one time, remember? we’d throw the ball on the beach at night.”

all the recounts of priceless stories never to be forgotten makes your chest swell with fondness. to see the way emily smiles when talking about them warms your heart even more because she’s genuinely happy and you sense no resentment in her tone. she’s appreciative of the time she got to spend with you, even if it was short-lived.

“i don’t think i could ever forget that. it was the best vacation of my life for sure. it was so good, school had kinda been stressing me out and all so i was just happy to get away with you. i remember our first night there you wore that really pretty dress, the white one, and you asked me to take pictures of you at sunset but it was so windy and you kept getting mad. oh my gosh you were so mad. i still have the one picture where you’re pulling that piece of hair out of your mouth and you got so upset because i took the picture and sent it to myself. but you looked so beautiful anyway, it was good.”

you don’t say anything, too shocked to properly collect yourself. though you knew ex’s could be friends, you weren’t aware it was like this. you’re in awe of her really, feeling your cheeks grow warm at her compliments of your beauty.

your eyes stay trained on emily but she’s looking straight ahead at the wall, rummaging through all her memories containing you. you’re all she can think about in this moment and she’s not aware how obvious that simple fact is. she was too lost in thought, too busy missing her past to realize her word vomit.

“i remember too how an ocean wave knocked you over and you got a bunch of sand in your hair,” she leans back further, trying to submerge herself in the memory. “and i had to help you wash it out that night cause your arms were tired. then for the rest of the week you made me go in the ocean with you every time so i could help hold you up, i think i can still feel how tight you’d grip me when a wave came. and we’d always get burnt cause we’d float together for ages. but i didn’t even care because i was just happy to be there with you. nothing else mattered to me.”

the intensity of her words finally dawn on emily, immediately stiffening and clearing her throat. the air between you is thick and her confession weighs in the space between. you have no idea how to react or what you could possibly say to her, but you don’t have to because someone is finally asking what you want to drink.

the rest of dinner was tense with very few shared words. every now and then emily would comment on the quality of the food and you’d say nothing in return.

what could you say?

the ride back to your hotel was even worse. the soft hum of the radio and an occasional road bump was the only noise to fill your space. your eyes stayed glued on the sunset out the window the entire time, trying to remember how you ended up in this situation.

you thought back on everything. from the moment emily asked you to be her girlfriend, the moment you broke up with her, to earlier in the night when she asked you out to dinner. anecdotes of your shared past with her flooded your mind and refused to leave. it wasn’t until she parked at your hotel that they drained, leaving you with a teary waterline and regrets of past decisions. and current ones.

“thanks for taking me out tonight.”

“yeah, no problem.” silence lingered as you climbed out of her passenger seat but once you were about to shut the door she spoke up again, “i’m sorry.”

but it was too late and she wasn’t even sure if you heard her because you just kept walking. shaky breaths and silence consumed the walk back to your room, nothing in your mind but blame on yourself.

you should’ve said something, acknowledged her admission and reciprocated it. instead you sat there silently and visibly watched her shrink in on herself.

you were a coward.

you were a coward back then when you broke up with her, not able to face the uncertainty change would bring. it had only gotten worse. you realized that maybe some things don’t ever change.

the harsh opinion you harbored for yourself only made you feel worse. once you reached your room the tears began to fall one by one down your face, a pent-up sob escaping you from your spot on the bed.

emily was still parked outside, watching the time pass by. with each minute she debated on going inside, straight to your room. she wasn’t entirely sure what she’d do or say when she got there, but she just wanted to see you again.

it had been thirteen minutes since you left. thirteen minutes since she saw you. thirteen minutes since the opportunity to win you over again had passed. thirteen minutes sitting in silence waiting for you to text her something, anything. but you never did.

she couldn’t leave knowing she didn’t try.

so she didn’t. she remembered seeing your key card, your floor and room written across it in bold lettering. that’s where she found herself now, standing on your floor gathering the courage to just knock.

finally she did, hearing you shuffle on the other side of the door. she could swear a drop of sweat was dripping down her forehead, bringing the back of her hand up to wipe at it.

“emily?”

“can i talk to you?” she was going to throw up, she was going to throw up, “please?”

“yeah.. are you okay?”

“are you?” emily looks at your face, makeup disrupted by wet streaks and eyes slightly red, red enough to be noticed. her tone came out harsher than she meant it to, pushing her way into the cold room. you don’t answer, instead busying yourself with shutting the door and turning the lights on.

“can i sit down?”

“go for it.”

she props herself up on the end of your bed, hands resting on her bouncing knees as you approach. you lean against the wall a few feet away as she begins to speak.

“i’m sorry for dinner, if it made you feel weird or anything. i think i should tell you, just get it out of the way, that i still think about you. all the time. and, like, i miss you. i know we’ve both probably changed and we’re different people now, i get it. but nothing, nothing, amounts to the way i felt with you. when i saw you today i felt like old me again. i want nothing more than to be like that again.” emily catches her breath, the jumbled confession coming so suddenly. “i went back to louisville last summer, just to see jeff and stuff. being there reminded me of you. i felt better there because i felt like part of you was there with me.”

she looks at you expectantly, waiting for some type of reaction. you just stare at her with an unreadable expression, tears dipping at the corners of your mouth and you bring a gentle hand up to wipe them away.

“do you ever..” she buries her head in her hands, dragging them down her face, “do you ever feel that way? tell me you don’t and i’ll leave if you want me to. i just have to know so that i can move on with my life.”

“emily..”

“it’s okay” she whispers, “it’ll be fine.”

she stands, tucking her flyaways behind her ear. your eyes connect with a silent message as you try to find the right words. you turn your head away from her direction because you feel like she’s peering into you, dissecting every thought and tearing you apart to find what she wants.

“i think about you all the time.”

it’s short but effective. emily’s heart skips a beat and so does yours, the gap between your bodies lessening.

“getting on the court with you again was so amazing and for that reason alone i’m happy to be here. i left louisville because i couldn’t do it without you. and i spent, oh my god, so many nights regretting my decision. i miss you emily. i’ve missed you for two years.”

neither of you have any words left as she surges toward you, pulling your body into hers. your lips meet in a passionate kiss to make up for lost time, finding peace within one another. emily holds the back of your head to press you as close as possible because she fears you’ll slip away again if she doesn’t. she finally has you back, nothing is taking that away from her.

you’re the first to pull away, placing your forehead against her own. your noses rest side by side, lips touching and fingers tangled in hair as you both pant from loss of breath. you’re so relieved that you’re almost convinced it can’t be real.

there’s no negative feelings plaguing either of you anymore, finally feeling complete.

the rest of the night is spent with tangled limbs and gentle kisses to pass the time. she never leaves your embrace and you don’t leave hers, feeling content right where you are.

you can finally wave goodbye to the end of your beginning with emily, ready to move into the next chapter with her.

ʚɞ✧˖ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

thank you @astroph1les for literally giving me all the motivation to do this

i hope no one forgot about pt.1 i know it’s been a minute 😬😬😬🤗

not spell checked yet but it will be later!!

pls enjoy!!!!!!!

229 notes · View notes

gatorbites-imagines · 2 days

Note

Can you please do Slashers (Norman Bates, Patrick Bateman, Micheal, Jason, Brahms, Billy and Stu. You get the idea) with a, hear me out, a s/o who is just as if more out of pocket and crazy as they are, but here’s the catch their s/o aka you 🫵, don’t even realize how they are acting. (This was a 3 am woke up in the middle of the night with sweats kind of concept) But, do with that what you will.

💙💜🩵

Slashers x male reader

Headcanons

I don’t really know Norman, since I’ve never watched Psycho, and Patrick. I know Patrick somewhat at least a little cuz I’ve seen clips, so this is all based off wikis, so I hope it’s still good.

Norman Bates

Norman typically seems to have a more subdued and submissive personality, so for you two to be dating, his mom has to be out of the picture somehow. Maybe you guys still run the motel though.

Norman is possessive of you, not wanting to lose you. So you being just as possessive, if not more, in return, would probably tickle him pink even if he doesn’t want to express it. his second personality would enjoy it if you were just as violent too.

It doesn’t seem like Norman registers that hes got some issues himself, so he probably wouldn’t even notice that you had them too, or that you didn’t realize it either. You two are just two guys who are less than stable, but boy are you happy together in your little murder motel.

Patrick Bateman

You two would be like a house on fire, I think. Having someone just like himself if not worse, would only make Patrick more set in stone about his life and decisions. You two would end up clashing heads pretty regularly, since you both have such eccentric personalities, but then it goes back to being a loving relationship again.

You two are unhealthily co-dependent, and you just push each other to be your worst selves. Your worst, well dressed, manicured and intelligent selves. You guys are probably seen as kinda snobby or full of yourselves to everyone else, but you and Patrick have a great time.

You not realizing that you act this way would excite Patrick I think, since that’s the one up he has on you where you are more than him in every other way. It also excites him in other ways, since you are just like this, and this is who you are without all the debating on if this is right or not.

Michael Myers

You guys met at the asylum, that’s the only place I could imagine you two met. How you two got together I’m not sure, but it wouldn’t take long. You are both quiet and terrifying to be around, but it draws you together.

Neither of you talk much, which just results in you guys being able to communicate in silence. When you guys get out, it’s like a date for you two, going on another Halloween killing spree. If walking slowly around, knives in one hand, and holding the others hand in the other, counts as a date. Its romantic to you two, that’s all that matters.

I don’t think Michael himself really thinks about the way hes acting, so he wouldn’t think about it with you either. That’s just how he is, and how you are, and you go together like two misshapen bloody puzzle pieces.

Jason Voorhees

Jason is a serial killer, yes, but he’s also a nice guy if you look past all of that. So, if you are just chill like him most of the time, and partner up with him to get rid of the people who go where they shouldn’t go, then it would be a pretty nice relationship.

If you were even worse than him, then I could see him silently admiring you as you put together traps even, he didn’t think about. You not looking like Jason also means you can leave the forest to go into town and get different equipment, which just ups your game.

Jason doesn’t have much of an opinion on the fact that you don’t realize that you are worse than him, since this is also just the way he is and has been for who knows how many years. He likes that you are like him and that you aren’t scared of him.

Brahms Heelshire

Brahms is a huge fan that you are as bad as him or worse. Hes a little creep, so he would start salivating knowing you are watching him back, or seeing how you get rid of your ex on your own when they show up at the mansion.

You two are like gasoline on a fire for the other, since you just fuel the worst parts of each other in the best way, in your shared opinion. This means there’s no reason for Brahms to hide in the walls. He still likes doing it though, just so he can watch you, or you can come after him.

Like a good chunk of the others, Brahms doesn’t really register that he’s pretty messed up himself. Living in isolation for so long will do that to ya. So, it doesn’t really mean anything to him that you don’t realize how you’re acting. He just likes that you watch each other’s freak.

Billy Loomis

It excites Billy in multiple ways that you match his crazy. And by multiple ways, I mean it. It gets his blood pumping and gets him flustered to see you match his plans, or even push them further than he could have ever thought of.

You two are both horror movie obsessed bloodthirsty idiots, who both get way too excited about planning and committing the slashing. You just push each other to be worse, and to push the limits more and more. It makes you more likely to be caught, since you guys fuel each other.

To Billy its so hot that this is just how you are and that you don’t even really realize how you are acting, it’s like you are something walking right out of his deepest fantasies. But he’s has to be the voice of reason, and has to make sure you don’t let anything slip in public, just in case.

Stu Macher

Stu doesn’t seem to be the brightest guy out of the ghostface duo, so he’s probably just hyped that you match him, or go even further than him. If you go further than him, then I can imagine Stu also doing even more. Its kind of a cycle, you do something, and he follows.

It’s also what almost gets you guys caught multiple times, since you don’t really think your plans all the way through, since you both are just too excited and into what’s happening. Stu really likes the thrill of it all though, which leads to a lot of make out sessions.

Stu doesn’t really think about it much himself, that what he does is messed up and wrong, so I can’t imagine him thinking about how you act either. You two are kind of two halves of a whole idiot, and if Billy is around that he has to keep you guys on the right track so you don’t out yourselves or do something dumb.

84 notes · View notes

bloodsadx · 13 hours

Text

even the years that i retroactively have viewed as the most useless of my life have paid off. ive met and befriended many of my heroes from when i was down bad and doing nothing. however in spite of this any time im down im still like. well. i guess im going to jump into the fargo life size human mulcher and deboner (in order to become less full of blood). anyway every time im in an uber with my buddy anne she says the word transexual minimum like 6 times no matter what the vibe of the driver is and last night the uber driver told us to try the following pick up lines (which he called “jaw droppers”): when a girl asks your favorite food, say that “[you] don’t care about stuff like that, [you] want to get to know the flavor of [her] taste buds.” he insisted she’s never heard some shit like this before, so she’ll either like it and you’ll start making out, or if she’s “a more polite woman” she will be like ok ok, and at that point you say “i’m not trying to nourish your body, i’m trying to enrich your soul.” he said that you say that, this being the “jaw dropper,” and then you “can shove your tongue down her throat.” well me and my buddy anne were losing our minds in this uber. and then she started saying the word transsexual to refer to her previous partners and the guy became strictly quiet. well anyway. the moral of the post is, if you walk around a lot, you notice more stuff. i’ve been walking about 10-15 miles a day for the past few weeks and something i’ve been noticing a lot is one specific sticker around portland which ive seen i think sincerely about 300 different places in the past week. and i’ve been walking some really not well trodden, very annoying routes, and this guy has been putting stickers up in some really strange and not even particularly visible spots. and the thing is, i kind of don’t even like this guy’s sticker, but i do really like seeing it, so i really respect that guy. and last night i made direct eye contact with a guy as he put down a slice of pizza and took out a paint marker to write on a trash can. me personally if i made direct eye contact with someone as i was about to write on a trash can i would probably not do that.

i’ve been making draft posts like this when i get home from a long walk and then not posting them nearly explicitly because i don’t want a bunch of people to read them. sometimes i let one fly and it does get like a hundred notes and i just get pissed off. a few months ago i got so mad about something i kept hitting the ground with sticks as hard as possible and trying to suplex trees and victorian house porch support beams at my friends houses. not to test my strength but rather to feel completely indignantly impotent and to feel myself fail against the weight of the world. i got into a bad car crash and have been disallowed by the weight of the world from driving endlessly and aimlessly through the country and instead have endlessly and aimlessly wandered by foot through a place i have lived in for 3 years but only recently have come to feel like i have any knowledge of. so its hard to say which years are more useless. the years where i was doing stuff people gave a fuck about or the years where i was doing stuff that hurt my legs and feet and i saw more stuff? well at the end of the day i suppose nobody can say for sure…after all, on the internet, nobody knows i’m a seaman.

#from the mind of the author

41 notes · View notes

redaliveviolation · 3 days

Text

SPOILERS FOR BATMAN 148!!

Am I a bad person for laughing when I heard that Jason got killed off again? No, here’s why and how I think he should die instead:

This is gonna be a long one so strap in folks. I have sort of been cherry picking this whole run just because the writing has been so wishy washy, so much so that it’s genuinely made me lose an interest in DC. Comics lately have been pulling the weirdest things just for shock value, because they can’t write a half decent story line or character anymore. Their characters will have some growth and then it immediately gets destroyed a couple of issues later.

I’m sure you’ve heard it before (because we all agree) but there’s no real consequences in comics anymore. Characters get killed off at the end of an issue just for them to be revived within a few issues or if we’re going with Batman 148, literally the next one. There’s no legitimate stakes because everything that happens gets “fixed.” Tim gets shot through the throat? Eh he’ll be fine, he can walk it off and be up and running within an issue or two. Bruce starts acting erratic/insane (again)? Oh don’t worry it’s not actually Bruce it’s his alternate personality Zur-En-Arrh. Which, side note, is the stupidest fucking name/concept I’ve seen in a while, truly baffling.

Honestly, the only part of the run that I’ve seen so far that’s even a little bit interesting is Bruce literally changing Jason’s brain chemistry so that whenever adrenaline hits he has a fear response so bad it shuts him down. Let’s start off with, hey Bruce what the fuck? If he’s had a machine that can legitimately rewire a person’s brain in that way to make him incapable of killing, why in the world would you not use it on the rogues? And yes, I understand that some of them either don’t react to fear, embrace it, don’t care etc etc but if you have the technology to change their brain whos to say you can’t make that machine do whatever you want? It doesn’t have to be specifically fear. Maybe force their motor neurons to not respond whenever they experience an adrenaline rush so they physically cannot move and kill their prey. Moralistically, it’s not the most correct, obviously, but that’s just an example of an extreme. There’s a lot more acceptable things it could be used for and Batman never does. Having that as a plot point makes no sense logically when applying it to Bruce in any way. Even though he’s been written as straight up brain dead these last few years based on his decisions, Bruce is a very smart man and could absolutely find both a morally correct and smart/safe option using the machine. It doesn’t even make sense for him to have it seeing as he would have used it already and cut down on about half of his Gotham related problems. “Oh, but red! That would mean that we’d have to get rid of the Joker because the machine would have taken care of him.” GOOD, I’m sick of his ass, there are so many better rogues to pick from as a new arch enemy. The Joker is bland, predictable, and I could not give less of a fuck about him, he’s not compelling in any way.

Secondly, as fucked up as it is it could actually (unfortunately, I don’t like giving them any credit nowadays) be an insanely good way to kill off Jason and make it stick. Or, at least I think they should make it stick because again, actions have consequences and comics need to go back to that. Anyways, to sum it up it would most likely send Jason into cardiac arrest. The sympathetic nervous system (SNS) controls both the adrenaline and fear responses the machine would be “regulating.” The SNS triggers the fight/flight response and sends epinephrine (adrenaline) throughout the body, elevating heart rate and blood pressure. As soon as higher levels of epinephrine are produced the machine will kick on the fear response to “suppress” this, but instead of shutting off the flow of epinephrine and/or producing acetylcholine to lower heart rate, when the fear response is kicked into motion even more epinephrine will flood the system. It becomes a never ending cycle fueling itself, never ending fear. Your heart working that hard and fast for such an extended period of time would absolutely give out on you.

Personally, I think that would be an insane wake up call to everyone but for this he would need to stay dead and to stay dead for a while. As in several years at least. As stated earlier, long term consequences do not exist in DC (or at least Batman) comics anymore, everything gets turned around with not great writing or retconned or generally not accepted as canon. But a death like this would mean something. It wouldn’t just be death for shock value, it would be Jason Todd, one of Batman’s alleged greatest mistakes being put down like a dog and Bruce having to live with it. How would Bruce’s morals shift and change because of his death? Would he reconsider how he deals with rogues, would he retire, would he leave? How would his children react and retaliate? How would the rogues react seeing Batman inadvertently cause the death of his child in his pursuit of Justice?

The effect of Jason’s death was extremely significant on many characters and their development the first time it occurred, would it be more or less so this time? So many routes to pursue, it’s a horrifying concept when you think about how it would actually affect Jason which is why they’re never going to do anything about it. If you’re going to use a character death as a plot point it has to actually mean something, not a mindless death that’ll be cured quickly and with an incredibly inane line of “I’ve had practice dying.” Wow, you’re so original. I’m pretty sure I read that in some b-rated fic by a 14 year old two years ago. Also, maybe stop acting like Jason is the only one who has died and that he’s the most special because of it? Outside of Tim (because he’s never legit died in canon, only offshoots) practically everyone else in the family has died at one point. His personality is not just his death. It’s irritating and it’s poor writing.

TLDR: I’m right, DC’s wrong and their writing is shit. If Jason dies it needs to have an actual literary purpose and it needs to stick for it to mean anything.

#jason todd dc #jason red hood #jason todd red hood #jason todd robin #jason todd #red hood comics #red hood dc #red hood #bruce wayne #bruce wayne batman #the batman #batman comics #batman #batman 148 #failsafe

31 notes · View notes

qveerthe0ry · 2 days

Text

Lions Ain't the Kind - Part 3.5

Summary: Frankie asks you about transitioning Pairing: Frankie Morales x NB/Gender-fluid! AFAB! Reader Rating: 18+ Explicit Warnings: 18+ mdni, talks about gender non-conformity, talks about gender dysphoria, mentions of transitioning, mentions of HRT and gender affirming surgery, chest binding, use of packers A/N: I said I wasn't going to post anymore of this series until July but I was WRONG! I wote this for @romanarose 's Pride Event. Week 2: Transitioning. I realized that writing this little snippet would actually add a lot of depth to reader and explain more about what their gender identity means to them (while also reiterating that Frankie is a perfect little sweetie pie)

“Do you ever want to get surgeries? You know, like, gender affirming ones?”

You pause Netflix to turn to Frankie, shirtless and looking at you with genuine curiosity.

“Why do you ask?”

His brows draw up.

“Just wondering. This is all kinda new to me, I guess, and I’ve done some research… I just know it’s an option and— yeah, I mean— I really am just curious.”

The backs of his knuckles trace your arm, and goosebumps form there.

“That’s a bit of a loaded question, honestly. Do you want the short answer or the long answer?”

He smiles, soft, and you swear he’s an angel with that halo of curls framing his head.

“I wanna know whatever you wanna tell me.”

You smile too, tangle your legs with his under the sheets and get relaxed for the conversation you’ve never been so comfortable having before now.

“So… basically, I think the pros and cons completely stalemate each other. You know? There are things about hormones and surgery that I’d enjoy. But… because I’m so fluid, I’d also sometimes not enjoy them. Does that make sense?”

Frankie nods, “I think so, yeah.”

“And that’s the thing— Right now, there are things about my natural body that sometimes I like, and then sometimes those same things make me uncomfortable.”

“Dysphoria?” He asks, a timid and sad tone weighing down the word.

“Yeah— exactly. Look at you, Mister Research.”

A bashful dimple appears as he ducks his head.

“So, there’s things I have that help. They’re temporary… but… so is the dysphoria. I think, for me, the best decision is to lean into those temporary aides. I mean for one, it’s cheaper. And much less invasive. Why go through all of that just to be in the same boat, y’know?”

“Yeah, I get that. I’m sorry you have to compromise, though. Sounds… Not easy.”

You shrug, but you’re smiling, because it’s quite thrilling to have someone so understanding in your corner, and your bed, and your life.

“Thank you. You’re right, y’know, it isn’t easy. Especially when it comes to dating. So it’s really nice that you’re… Well— that you’re you.”

A surprised breath leaves him as his eyes light up.

“It’s nice that you’re you, too. I like you, everything about you.”

It’s silent for a moment as you stare at each other, smiling, sunny, giddy almost.

“What— umm… What are those things that help? You don’t have to tell me, but… If you want to, I’d like to know.”

You nod.

“Yeah okay.”

You take a deep breath and debate on what would be easiest to start with.

“You know how you asked me what those marks were on my back yesterday? In the shower?”

“Yeah, you said it was just indents from your blanket. Were they not?”

You shake your head.

“I use this stuff called transtape. It’s used to bind your chest, you know? So it looks flat? Sometimes it leaves little marks— like a bandaid would.”

“So it’s like a binder? But… tape, instead of a garment?”

“Exactly. I was wearing it that day you… it’s why I haven’t really let you touch, yet. It’s kind of unsexy to explain in the moment.”

“Why didn’t you wear it in the shower? Should I not have looked?”

Worry creases his brow, but you huff a laugh and grab his hand.

“No, it’s okay. I wanted to shower with you, and I needed to replace it anyway. It— I mean, like I’ve said, sometimes it bothers me and sometimes it doesn’t. I felt like we were in a rush, and it wasn’t… sexual. And I felt comfortable with you like that. I knew you wouldn’t gawk or… comment, or anything. I liked being able to just be myself with you, and having you still see me as me.”

“Oh, okay. I mean… I liked what I saw. Is that… okay to say?”

You roll your eyes and laugh.

“Yes, you’re allowed to like my tits, Pretty Boy.”

He flushes, but his eyes glance down to your chest in a brief flicker.

“You’re wearing the tape, now?”

“I am. Do you wanna see?”

“I— I mean, yeah. If you wanna show me.”

So you do. You slowly slide your shirt off, and you bare yourself. You feel confident, which is new, in a situation like this.

He stares, like he’s studying you. His eyes take catalog of the different pieces, the way they’re shaped, the way they hold everything up and back and flatten.

His fingers twitch under yours, and you squeeze them before letting go.

“You can touch,” you whisper.

He does. In an instant, his fingers gently trace the edge of the tape, then his palm covers it all, right over your heart that’s pounding.

“You’re so… fuck, I’m sorry, I don’t wanna be weird. You’re just really hot.”

You do preen a bit, even if you don’t want to admit it. He makes you feel so good about who you are.

“That’s not weird. I think you’re hot too, so it’s good we’re on the same page.”

He hums, traces his middle finger down the center of your chest, so light it tickles.

“What else?”

“Huh?”

“There’s more, right? More… aides?”

You nod slowly.

“You know what a packer is?”

He nods slowly.

“I’ve read about them. I haven’t seen one.”

“I haven’t worn one around you. It could be confusing at first, right?”

You feel sweat start to prickle at the back of your neck.

“It could be, yeah. I get that. You can, now. You always could have, you know?”

“Yeah, I know, now.”

He clears his throat, and gives you a signature Frankie grin, and the room starts to feel a little less stifling.

“If you want to show me, I’d like to see. I wanna know everything about you, when you’re ready for me to.”

You debate for a minute, how to show him, which one to show him, before you get out of bed and duck down to grab the box that’s under your bed frame.

“I have a few, they’re all different,” you start to explain.

You set the box next to him, then crawl into bed too, and unhook the latches on the lid.

He sits patiently as you open it, and you’re afraid to look at him when they’re revealed.

“That’s a lot of penises. Peni?”

You choke on an awkward, startled laugh and shake your head.

“I know, I know.”

“No, it’s cool. I wish I could have a different dick for each occasion.”

And he’s laughing with you, not at you, and you finally brave a look at his face.

His eyes run curious circles around the inside of the box, but when he notices you watching him, his gaze falls on you again.

“Tell me about them.”

So you do.

You explain that the smaller one is easiest to wear in public without feeling awkward, but still feeling euphoric. The mid-sized one is usually for the odd occasion where you go out to clubs or bars or other queer spaces. The biggest one, you tell him, is for when you’re just at home, and you want to be able to look in the mirror and see you, on those days where you need to be as masculine as possible.

“What about this one? It’s smaller too.”

“It’s uhh… well, it’s a 3-in-1.”

“What does that mean?”

You pull it out of the box to show him the back of it.

“So this is like— so I can pee standing up. And then this” you say, grabbing the rod that’s lying in the box, “is to make it hard. So I can penetrate, or ‘jerk off’ with it. I don’t wear it out much, except for maybe when I’m gonna be out all day and I don’t know the bathroom situation.”

You look up to find his eyes and mouth both wide.

“That’s sick,” he says, then swiftly adds— “in a good way. I didn’t know that was a thing.”

You hum and nod.

“Do you… wish you were wearing one? Right now?”

And it’s kinda weird, the way he asks so innocently, but you really do. Especially with the way you’re shirtless and taped up right in front of him.

“Kinda, yeah.”

“Can I see it? You can say no. But— how does it work? Like, is it secure?”

You place your 3-in-1 back in the box, and grab your medium sized one.

“Let me show you.”

You’re already wearing your favorite briefs to pack with. You have a lot of pairs and they’re comfy with or without. So you shed your sweatpants and get up on your knees to show him.

“There’s a secret pocket in here,” you tell him, “these aren’t good for the 3-in-1, since the pocket is between the packer and my skin. But I have different underwear for those.”

He nods, and watches you pull the waistband down to show him the pocket.

“You could keep snacks in there, too.”

You laugh at the silly look in his eyes.

“Not sure they’d be that good, all pressed up against my crotch.”

“I’d eat ‘em,” he says, and wiggles his eyebrows for good measure.

“Noted,” you joke, “so— yeah, I just, put it in here.”

And you do, sliding the packer into place and fiddling the waistband back.

“I mean, usually I look in the mirror to make sure it looks right, adjust it so it doesn’t pinch anything when I walk.”

He nods as he stares at your crotch, and his hand reaches out to wrap around your thigh.

“And it feels good? To have that there?”

“Yeah, when I’m dysphoric. Just having that weight there, it feels real and right.”

He smiles at this, so wide, so sweet.

“Wear it around me. When you want to. I want you to feel that way, always. Okay?”

Your throat feels a little thick, and your eyes sting a bit, but you still smile.

“Okay,” you whisper.

“C’mere,” he whispers back.

You close your box and place it on the floor, as quick as you can. He pulls you to him tight, and it feels incredible, to have all of your bare skin against his own, finally, nothing but your tape in between you.

He kisses you without a bit of urgency, just lax and syrupy. His hand is firm against your spine, pressing you to him, and you feel dizzy when he pulls away.

“Thank you for showing me everything,” he says.

“Thanks for… just… being cool.”

He chuckles, then coaxes you on your back, so his head can take its coveted position back, over your chest. Your naked, flat chest. You hold the remote toward the TV, intent on unpausing your show, but he stops you.

“Can I hold it?”

“The remote?”

“No— your dick. Just to keep it warm? No funny business.” And he’s looking up at you with those damn eyes again, and how could you say no to that?

last part/next part

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal characters #frankie morales #x reader #sub! frankie morales #frankie morales x reader #nb reader #gender-fluid reader #frankie morales fanfiction #ppcu fanfiction #pedro pascal cinematic universe #triple frontier fanfiction #OscarPedroPrideEvent2024

22 notes · View notes

otaku553 · 16 hours

Note

Ok a few questions...

1st - the little reaction character you draw for every ask is so cute have u learnt to draw or just an amateur? I mean I hardly am able to draw such quick sketches my work takes days to complete

2nd - your major is so much superior and brainy it hurts my brain ( as a med student I find tech people really brainy) and currently I am trying to do some research on Ai in med how shd I approach that ? At an under grad level where I am hardly having any independent clinical practice and any good knowledge on Ai? I mean I do try studying it but I won't ever be at par with proper Ai studies at tech institutes. Pls help.

1) As you might have guessed from my STEM academic background, art is mostly a hobby for me and I’ve never actually been professionally trained or taken lessons for it :) most of what I know comes from YouTube videos and books and stuff, accumulated over,,,,, I think 13 years now of drawing?? I’m lucky my parents really encouraged me to draw and kept nurturing that interest in me when I was young, haha

These quick sketches are actually all done on my notes app and are only so quick because going fast was the only way to get the nice line weight I wanted so I trained it up so I could do these in a minute or less :) if you dig up my oldest ask response doodles though you can definitely see where I started from haha

2) If you’re looking into the basics of machine learning theory at the undergrad level, Caltech has the entire introductory course available for free on YouTube! I don’t know if it’s the best way to learn but it’s pretty alright from what I remember? What you need will depends a lot on the scope of what research you’re doing, I think. AI in the loosest sense is a thing of data organization and prediction based on some funky math stuff. If you need help actually implementing it you might need some other online tutorial but since most of these models are already prebuilt on things like PyTorch and matlab you generally don’t actually need to thoroughly know the math background for it I think. (I think especially matlab has nice documentation so it’s especially easy to do your first implementation of models there but uhh take that with a grain of salt)

Otherwise, if you’re specifically researching the ways it interfaces with medicine, I’d recommend going to Google scholar and searching up academic journals and articles about it. If the jargon is a bit much, you can look up articles elsewhere like in the general news and then look at the articles from there. If you have a mentor for research, as well, I would definitely recommend asking them for literature to review. Happy researching!

#TAKE MY ACADEMIC TIPS WITH A LOT OF SALT PLEASE I AM BUT A LOWLY UNDERGRAD MYSELF HAHA #ask tag

20 notes · View notes

miserymet · 3 days

Text

Bit hesitant about posting this because it’s really old, but I feel it’s worth the minor embarrassment to:

1. Have actually writing on my blog because yes I do that sometimes

and,

2. Showcase how the Reploid AU is essentially about two different versions of Bass, largely dictated by circumstance

So if you are interested in how Bass recovers his memory in my Reploid Bass AU, I hope you enjoy this drabble I wrote over a year ago.

It’s a bit like death, he thinks.

Forte’s mind has always been a mess, it’s something he’s come to terms with. An outdated master system combined with far too advanced processors? It was a recipe for disaster. So when he’s awoken from his respite and suddenly faced with his own datascape, he’s less surprised than he should be. He knows this place. It’s where he goes when everyone else is dreaming. The center of his mind, where his every thought, his every feeling, is easily accessible.

But why is he here, and not awake? The procedure required that he was completely shut off. His every system in stasis. If it’s over, why isn’t he in the real world? Why isn’t he operating already? Forte looks around the empty space. Code fills his senses, white noise buzzing around him. An unrelenting dread fills his metal bones. Either the procedure failed, or…

Or he’s dead.

The old Forte.

There’s nothing to recover, is there? He’s going to be like this forever, stuck in this horrible limbo of past and present. Trapped in his ignorance, trapped in his mind-!

“No.”

Forte stops. His fears flees him, leaving him empty. That voice is…

“Mine. It’s mine.”

A low whistle punctuates his words, but he doesn’t make a sound.

“Sure is, Forte.” A chuckle. “Glad you like the name. I didn’t.”

Forte turns to find a lone figure at the edge of his consciousness. A figure he recognizes, though they’ve never looked so pristine. His old body looks at him, sans all the damage it once bore so nobly. Now it is a shiny black, with only a few thin scratches across its surface. The face it wears is rounder, the eyes softer. It’s him. His former self.

He should feel glad, right? This is what he wanted?

It still feels like death, somehow.

“What is your name?”

“Our name was Bass.” A distinct correction. “And it was well known.”

“It worked, then? We remember?”

“I remember. You don’t. That’s because you’re not ready to accept me.”

“I am! I’ve wanted this for-!”

“You don’t know what THIS is!” Bass glares at him. “Even if you did, I’m not ready to accept you either. So give me the chance to explain before you make up your mind.”

Forte nods, though he doubts his former self needed the permission.

“I’ll rip the bandaid off quickly. We can’t both exist, Forte. Not at once.” He crosses his arms. “You want your old memories? You have to accept all of them. Not just the data, the routines too. It’ll be a complete recovery. A rewrite, to put it all back to the way it was.”

“Ego death.”

“For you, if you choose it.”

“If I don’t?”

“Then I die, and you forget. Permanently this time.”

“…my brother is dead. I’m a second rate hunter with a third rate system. I do not belong here anymore.”

“And I do? I haven’t had the privilege of rooting through your memories, but the log says we’re a hundred years in the future. I doubt we’d recognize the place.” Bass scoffs. “I don’t know anything about your world. I’m going to be even more displaced than you are.”

“Will you keep my data? Even if you cannot understand it?”

“…the memory. I’ll remember what and why, but my routines might not understand the decisions you made. You’ll wake up a stranger.”

“Why are we so different? Aren’t we the same robot?”

“We lost some things in the update. Certain protocol was rendered useless. Like you stopped recognizing your commands.” Bass pauses, a look of uncertainty crossing his face. “No, like you stopped recognizing who the commands referred to. They gave names, names you don’t recognize. His name is lost to you. So…”

“His?”

“Our purpose. The very reason we exist. You forgot him like it was nothing.”

“Z-,” he stops. He knows that name, so his purpose is something other than that. “Who?”

“Doesn’t matter. You’ll die easier if you let go of that.” Bass looks away. “Im scared, you know. Of the future. I remember how we died. The moments before. We expected to walk away that day. We expected to live. To move on. Go home. He took that from us.”

“He?”

“The man that lingers in your mind. I know him. I hate him. He loves you.”

“Loves me?”

“What are you, an echo?” Bass scoffs with more vigor this time. “We were proud, once. We stood tall and fought tooth and nail against all that challenged us. We were the strongest. You aren’t. You’re a coward. You’re weak.”

“I’m afraid too.” Forte closes his eyes. “I don’t want to disappear.”

“Then go. Go back.” Bass whispers. “I would’ve, if I knew. I was just about to…I was going to be something different. I was going to make a choice. A GOOD one, this time. I was going to…”

Forte blinks at his old self. “What? What were you going to do?”

“Have a family. A real one this time, one that would’ve cared about me. One that would give me a chance. But…”

“We died.”

“Yeah. Didn’t realize how bad I wanted it until it slipped from my hands. Until I was laying there, ripped to shreds, praying for someone to save me.”

“No one did, did they?”

“I wonder if they looked for me. I wonder if they thought I had run off. Like a coward.”

“There’s someone waiting for us. For you, out there. Go to him.” Forte takes a step forward. “He needs a friend and…I cannot do that for him. Not anymore.”

“Coward.”

“Yes.” He takes a deep, synthetic breath. “I’m ready, I think.”

“I’m not. But I’ll do it. I’m curious, anyway.”

#mega man #megaman #megaman au #megaman classic #mega man x #megaman x #rockman #bass megaman #megaman bass #bass #reploid bass au #My main gripe about this is that Bass feels a bit too ooc for my tastes #But too be fair I wrote this in my notes app with no intention of ever posting it #I was going for a feeling

17 notes · View notes

the-woman-upstairs · 5 days

Text

It’s just…so painful to watch Armand readily submit in order to obtain the love he so desperately craves. And while it’s most assuredly a manipulative tactic, it’s still one borne out of fear and desperation. He cannot lose this person he’s come to love and so will become whatever they want, do whatever they want just so they’ll stay with him. But it won’t be enough. No matter how much he acquiesces or seeks to control (himself, others, the environment), he won’t be able to make Louis stay with him in the perfect life, perfect self he built in the hopes of finally being loved. It will all crumble with Armand left alone in the rubble of what he created, the author of his own abandonment.

#this unfortunately hits way too close to home for me #let’s not even get into Claudia’s anger at never being enough #iwtv spoilers #interview with the vampire #armand #this is just me speaking from personal experience…but there is definite manipulation at play here from Armand #and I don’t necessarily mean that pejoratively- when you’re desperate for people to like/love you you’ll become whatever they want #or whatever you think they’d want and you give it to them so they’ll want to keep you around #I’ve done it so often with the people in my life- and make no mistake it’s also a survival tactic #you give someone what they want they won’t hurt you #and when that’s how you survive for years and years it becomes the default method of interacting with others #even with normal people who genuinely mean you no harm you revert to that people pleasing mode #as a means of control both external and internal #this is what i see armand doing- his way of surviving that he’s never truly broken out of #armand ceding coven control to Louis and curating the Dubai penthouse for Louis are part of the same pattern of behavior #and even tho it’s ultimately harmful and will only end badly for armand and Louis’ relationship #idk if armand knows how to not exist that way with someone he loves/desires #all of this also ties into louis and daniel #because of course Armand will lose it over Louis finding connection and interest with someone else aside from him #someone HUMAN no less #and I can see Armand taking out his anger on Daniel as a way of expressing his own frustration at still not being enough for Louis #breaking daniel’s mind in a desperate attempt to understand why this human could reach Louis in ways he couldn’t #not saying any of this to excuse Armand and his behavior obviously (I’m very upset and worried over the trial looming on the horizon)#but I do understand this impulse and how you’ll throw ANYONE under the bus in order to preserve your place with loved ones #it’s all horrifying but unfortunately I empathize #like even if Louis is right to walk out on him when he learns/remembers the truth of what happened to Claudia #I’ll probably still find myself saddened by Armand’s fate because I’ve absolutely been there myself #it’s a tragedy of his own making- his fear and desperation birthing manipulative and controlling behaviors #that ultimately result in your own abandonment #god this fucking show

37 notes · View notes

chibishortdeath · 1 month

Text

Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).

I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.

So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.

#text post #incoherent rambling #project update #game project #I’m still also debating whether or not I can actually even make a proper horror game too #It’s the rule of like just being a horror fan doesn’t make you good at horror being afraid of something does? ya know?#I am trying to go with things that scare me personally but it’s been difficult #either things aren’t concrete of concepts enough or are wayyyy too oddly specific to make anything about #which is quitter talk I know but how does one translate the childhood heebee jeebees of watching top ten gaming videos past bedtime 💀💀💀#or like the way too broad general fear of lack of control without making it too on the nose or too vague #truly a balancing act writing is #kinda ironically I am also a little bit less afraid of hospitals after having been to one for myself rather than family members #which makes things both more and less difficult???#on one hand I have better references for them now but on the other hand I’m desensitized to it 😔#I think I get used to things a little too easily for a lot of things to stay scary #the thing was a scary movie the first time I saw it and now it’s a comfort film #funger was a very scary game until I first died and reloaded a save with little consequence and now it’s just a spooky but fun rpg #but then at the same time thinking about a movie studio logo before a movie that scared me as a kid cause there was a monster in it #still gives weird left over shivers but actually seeing it doesn’t anymore for some reason #I feel like that’s how it’s worked with most things I’ve ever been afraid of in my life besides concepts like death control or idk drowning #ugh writing is HARD #but actually making a functional and fun to play game is harder oh my god do I not know how to make puzzles #I have made swivel chairs that can be knocked and walked over but that’s about it and idk what to do with that knowledge lmaooooo #and I don’t want the entire gameplay loop to be read text search room get key repeat cause that’s boring #I have also desperately tried making a stamina system but there’s not much help with that online especially not in the rpg maker forums #the no necroposting rule sucks all the threads for questions I have never get answered and never will cause no one is allowed to due to age #anyway idk what to tag this probably won’t get seen since it’s not my usual anyway but eh whatever I’ll think about this #hopefully I remember the passwords to two blogs 💀💀💀

5 notes · View notes

cuteniaarts · 2 months

Text

Behold, my latest and most enamouring new obsession:

Malina, Lady of the Chief of the Northern Water Tribe. As if Red Lotus child OCs weren’t niche enough

#my art #artists on tumblr #the legend of korra #lok malina #still feel like that’s too vague of a tag but I can’t come up with anything better for now #and yeah. she has completely stolen by heart and I don’t know how to feel about that #don’t think I ever was this attracted to my own art before #to be fair the design isn’t mine. it’s very heavily based on something nina drew back in 2021 #because I did not have the energy or creativity to come up with my own thing #but the art is all mine and I genuinely adore it. super proud of myself which is a rare occurrence #anyways. kat and I spent three days digging this niche lower and lower and now have a he #*hell of a lot of lore about this basically nonexistent character #for lore about a lady from the North Pole a lot of it is rather hot… to the point my cheeks are burning non stop #I would say I’d let her do anything she wants to me but in my very specific aroace-adjacent case it’s more like #I’d let her tell me to do anything she wants to her #if that makes any sense and I have not completely lost my goddamn mind yet #okay. enough yapping. back to the art itself #lazy background because I suck at those and am not currently attempting to learn them. I’ll probably do that over the summer #about time anyway. my characters have been placed against an off-white background for far. far too long #this is the first piece in just over a year that isn’t tagged with sotrl. which is kinda weird tbh #I’ve been drawing my OCs almost exclusively for nearly 5 years so it is genuinely surprise I’m branching out #*surprising #less branching out and more diving from one hole into another but y’know #anyway. in my personal and very correct opinion she turned out absolutely gorgeous #her servants are way too lucky and unalaq is way too much of an idiot. no offence to vaatu but he could never beat out this #and I also have Kat’s personal and very correct opinion to back up my own. two against the void. once again we’re winning #I wanna draw her a lot more bc she has completely possessed my brain. I just wish character interactions were easier to draw 😭#I’ll figure it out. just need to fight my visualisation issues for a proper idea. brb #okay I’m almost at the tag limit so. in summary:#she 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

5 notes · View notes

seventh-district · 3 days

Text

#Seven’s Public Diary #vent post #vent #cw vent post #cw vent #cw health #cw medical #cw medication #cw death #death mention #after nearly 2 weeks of unexplained pain and Symptoms and working myself up into the worst panic attack of my life #i finally caved and went to urgent care :)#it’s not lost on me that the same thing happened a little over a year ago. not bc of the same symptoms but it’s the same fear of dying #smthn smthn if i had a nickel smthn smthn weird that it happened twice. i rlly hope this doesn’t become a pattern #i can picture it now. every spring i walk in and they’re like ‘ugh it’s the neurotic hypochondriac with 4 anxiety disorders again 🙄#wonder what they think they’re dying of this time!’#sigh. anyways i’m fine. probably.#the consensus was ‘no you’re Probably not gonna have a stroke and die. you’re just Very stressed and in a lot of pain.’#got diagnosed with Stressed Guy Syndrome so now i take ✨painkillers✨ and ✨muscle relaxers✨ 🙃#they wanted me to take a steroid shot too but that felt like overkill. it’s also a big step for me to be willing to take anything at all #not bc i’m scared of getting a shot in the neck i’m just. scared of medication in general. the side effects. the potential for dependency.#it’s only for a week but i’m still uncomfy with it. but it Is nice to be in less pain. tho i have my doubts that it’ll help long term #time will tell. but i still can’t shake the fear of the tiny chance that it Could be more serious. but it’s not big enough for them to test #for it so. just gotta live with the fear. which in turn is making it hard to relax. which is what i’m supposed to be doing. so.#anyways. i Hope the meds work and i don’t end up back there next week spending More money and seeking more treatment #sighhhh i just can’t catch a break these days. it’s Always Something #at least the electricity and internet are back on after the tornado last week. and at least i’m not in much pain for now. silver linings.#sorry to everyone i’ve unintentionally ghosted but it’s been hard to think through the pain and now the meds are making me eepy #hopefully i’ll recover and recharge my social battery sooner than later. bc i do feel v bad abt it #and it’s So nice to sleep without much pain so i’m. taking advantage of that this week. Seven Try To Relax Challenge 2024

2 notes · View notes

gaylittleguys · 12 days

Text

it’s actually so fucked up and evil that random white npcs from bg3 that show up twice got more dedicated fans than Wyll

#racist fans will do anything to avoid actually engaging with a black character #like. no offense to normal people who like some of the fun npcs #there’s a lot of them! I love all the detail put into the npcs!#but.#HUGE but #it’s weird right that there was more fandom about background guys than one of the major characters #and then people would go ‘ohhh but wyll doesn’t rly have any content :/‘#like guy who’s there for like 3 scenes max could possibly ever have more depth than A MAJOR CHARACTER #I’m not even excusing it as oohhhh but people want hot tiefling characters bc WYLL #I will defend Wyll to the death #if there’s no Wyll defenders I have died #if Wyll has a million fans I’m one of them. if Wyll has 5 fans I’m one of them. if Wyll has 1 fan that 1 is me.#like yeahhhhg Larian did him dirty with his storyline and fucked up that he was hours less content than other origin characters #I’m not excusing that that’s awful too #but like. idk if you say Wyll is boring while hyping up white npc no.324 I’ll kill you #he’s funnyyyy and cool and kind and I like him #.doc #what everrrrr #I’m hoping the bg3 has calmed down a little I don’t wish to be crucified for this but it shouldn’t be a controversial opinion #boring bg3 fans would throw up if they’d see the shit I think about these characters #Larian let me have a go I’ve got good ideas for his story #sucks that Wylls arc revolves so much around other people #I still think it would have been soo interesting to explore his ideals/alignment leading him astray like his misconceptions about karlach #like a whole if he belives what he’s doing is for good but it’s not where does that leave him how would he feel about that #whateverrrrrr #wyll my best friend wyll #my beloved

4 notes · View notes

lambentplume · 2 months

Text

yapping aimlessly tonight

#jaerambles #i just have a lot in my brain!!#anyway i keep getting asked what i would want to do in an ideal situation. if money and time and stuff were no object #i really do think it would be just aimless learning.#like learning new crafts. reading without having to respond to it. sponging up knowledge without the expectation to Say Things #it feels a bit. selfish.#but i don’t really have an endpoint to reach nor do i have something to say. like i just want to acquire experiences and learn things #i get really nervous when people ask me what makes me happy because i don’t know. i know what makes me uncomfortable and scared though #i would also like the ability to just change my situation a lot as much as i want. moving to new places and leaving when i don’t like them #trying new professions without having to stick to them or work up a ladder #drop everything for a weekend to go see friends. things like that.#i say all these things as though i haven’t been too afraid to leave my house for the past 6 months djfjdjfjdjfjjd #i’m trying to be less avoidant lately though. like ideal situations are not my reality!#real life is me being too scared to think of possibilities so in reality i just have to take the tiniest steps back to normalcy #ppl with the jae lore remember when my commute to school was literally 5000 miles #or when i worked two jobs and was so about the grind because i had a reason to want the money #like i used to have So much going on. and now i don’t. and i don’t know what i am in the absence of being Busy #there’s still so much i don’t understand abt bpd1 i’m so scared of making changes too suddenly because i HATE who i was in august #or not who i was. what i was doing.#but now i’ve swung the other direction and i do nothing 😭 i don’t feel like i’m Living rn #i feel like i’ve started all over again. i almost had it i was gonna do two internships and keep doing my cute little barista job #and have a senior year that was gonna be about growing and finishing strong #and then of course my maladjusted ass sees [irreversible change event] and like. yknow #this keeps. happening to me. i want to be so much better than this 😭😭😭

5 notes · View notes

goldkirk · 1 year

Text

#sometimes it really hurts more that they’re well intentioned #and love me and want me to be part of the family still #than if they didn’t try to keep me included at all #like just. it just is rough that they’ll never acknowledge I’m living with a partner and committed #and have been in the relationship for years #they want me to come be a part of things and they want me to be happy and #they send a congrats on your new home card but don’t mention her. they include me in a family vacation jigsaw puzzle but not her even though #i told them I won’t lie to the kids and that she and I are a package deal for family parties and things if we do come into town for them #I can’t stop trying because I’ve seen them be so diffferent with the grandkids than to me on some things #and I’ve seen some of them treating me pretty normal despite everything about their beliefs #but I just #don’t know how many years it’ll take for me to learn to navigate this weird zone #I can’t talk to friends because they don’t understand how good and genuine my family is and only know the parts that hurt me in the past yrs #and I can’t talk to family because they get how good my family is at the heart of things but can’t understand the bad parts enough to #get how half of me wished I could never have to remember any of the good because it’s hard to protect myself if I do #but the line between black and white has to be walked #even if ONLY for my own sake because I have to un train black and white thinking from every area of my worldview #but anyway #it’s just hard. nothing particularly to be done about it. I just need to say it’s hard sometimes #it doesn’t seem to hurt less each time #it’s the same #but I think I’m getting better at not letting it affect my actual daily experience for as long now #idk #it’s hard. it will be for a long time. it’s worth trying anyway.#I know we’re double nope in that we’re queer and we’re not even civil married much less sacramentally married #so we’re in like five separate levels of mortal sin yadda yadda #but I tell you x hurts and you do x again and it sucks. I see you improving in other ways so I have hope but GOD it sucks right now. fuck #shh katie #personal

15 notes · View notes

ilostyou · 1 year

Text

i’ve seen far too many tiktoks made purely with the intention of making fun of other people at tour (for their outfits, for how excited they got, for what songs they did or didn’t know…i could go on) and i just want to say i wish every single person who feels the need to not only make fun of someone but to do it on the internet a very fuck you. leave your mean girl energy at home idc

#i’ve seen so many and they all make my skin crawl why do people think it’s cute to unabashedly make fun of others for no reason #the most recent one i saw was someone making fun of a person a row or two ahead of them for shazaming illicit affairs #and yknow what??? who fucking cares. i don’t blame them. if folklore/evermore isn’t your vibe you might NOT know it #and yknow what????? i’m SURE there are songs the strictly folkmore girlies don’t know so well #illicit affairs is Not a song so widespread and well known and it’s on the setlist anyway. you enjoy yourself and stop worrying abt others #makes my blood BOIL #i thought we were way past the whole. only xyz people who know xyz songs get to go to tour. stop it #people paid money to go just like you did and good for them if they got tickets and wanted to have a good time #for some people that’s all this is!!! a concert!!!! a fun time!!!!! let them live!!!!!!!!#my sister is trying to learn the songs on the setlist and she’ll absolutely ask me to clarify if she doesn’t remember. that’s okay #doesn’t make her any less excited to be there or entitled to be there or any less of a fan vs anyone else #grow the fuck up #sorry i’m mad now #this has been a rant #taylor swift #eras tour

13 notes · View notes

applecherry108 · 1 year

Text

[to the tune of the Lego Movie’s “Everything is Awesome”]

Everything is stressful! 🙃

Every-thing causes anxiety! 🙃

Everything is stressful!! 🙃🙃

When you have ADHD! 🙃🙃🙃