#I do want to specify though that this is my own interpretation of the situation from my view as a writer of the narrative
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also on the topic of meaningful consequences re: character death I don't understand the take that death in fantasy requires physical permanency to matter or give a story "stakes". death is permanent regardless. Do you really think that if they get her back, they'll just go back to normal? That these characters are not forever fundamentally changed from this, that Laudna will not be fundamentally changed from this?
That Imogen's world will be less fractured, that she won't be even more of an anxious wreck now that what she stands to lose has been put into vivid clarity? That Orym won't still carry the guilt of being the chosen, that he will be less haunted by the connections he drew to his own grief with Will to Imogen's with Laudna? That Fearne won't look at Laudna and think of that coin flip, of her choice, and what that means for her and how she loves? That FCG and Ashton won't think to this and be reminded of the people they've hurt or been hurt by, and what this effort and what this grief means for how they view the hells?
That Laudna, who has been so blasé about life and if she's alive and what being alive even means for someone like her, won't wake up surrounded by family and by love and be driven to reexamine everything she's taught herself in 28 years of isolation to cope with the trauma of Whitestone? That this, maybe, will be the driving force she needed to realize that there are things she wants to live for?
It might be that I'm just biased, but I'm not sure what stakes Laudna perma-dying adds aside from just presenting the characters with the knowledge they all already have that they can, in fact, die. that what they're up against is incomprehensibly powerful and dangerous. The stakes already feel so impossibly high when you think of what and who they are preparing to face. frankly the aftermath of this combat alone, even if everything had gone perfect and everyone had gotten back up a-okay, would have set that tone.
I don't know, regardless I'll be happy to watch whatever story they choose to tell unfold as it does, but it strikes me that so many people seem to think that death only matters if there is a physical absence.
#critical role#laudna#bells hells#I do want to specify though that this is my own interpretation of the situation from my view as a writer of the narrative#and my own interpretation of the situation as an audience member#I know death does not care for narration in real life and that dnd can be cathartic for those very reasons#that. to me. is a separate argument from what I'm trying to say here#I also have Thoughts about how. narratively. laudna coming back is the better story for Specifically bells hells and how they operate#individually and as a unit#and how I think a lot of people are blinded by the specific way molly effected the mighty nein#and I just do not think this is the same scenario At All#and also. if I may put out a more biased take. I don't necessarily Want the same impetus and the same story Again#this is bells hells! I want theirs! and they want to bring back laudna#also. like. the whole death only matters if it's permanent thing falls apart immediately bc like. it's laudna#y'know. the undead one. is her story lesser for having lived? is vox machina's?#anyway feel free to ignore this I'm just throwing thoughts out into the wind bc if I keep them in my brain I'll implode#and Twitter has a 140 character limit and I am long-winded
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do we know what caters dad does for work? its mentioned that they move around a lot for his job but what exactly /is/ his job
Hello hello! ^^ Thank you for this question!
Cater’s dad works at a bank!
It is not specified what it is that he does for the bank, only that he is transferred to a new office about once every two years.
We have a surprising amount of information about the employment situations of the parents of the various characters!
Riddle’s Parents: Medical mages (also called “magical healers” on EN, but the job title of “魔法医術士" is consistent in the original game. There is a theory that EN is being localized by multiple teams separated by vignettes/main story/events, which would explain inconsistencies like this, certain things in Glorious Masquerade, etc.)
Trey’s Parents: Professional bakers that run their own cake business / patisserie.
Cater’s Father: Works for a bank
Cater’s Mother: No information
Ace’s Father: No information (confirmed magicless)
Ace’s Mother: No information
Deuce’s Father: No information
Deuce’s Mother: Delivery truck driver
Leona’s Father: King of Sunset Savanna
Leona’s Mother: No information
*I have seen conflicting interpretations of Leona’s family situation on EN, with some saying that Falena is already king, but he is not: it was confirmed in Tamashina-Mina that Falena is still the crown prince.
It is not said anywhere in the game that Falena is king, though he is performing certain duties due to their father being bedridden.
Ruggie’s Parents: No information
Jack’s Parents: No information
Azul’s Mother: Restaurant owner (confirmed mage*)
Azul’s Father: No information (confirmed mage*)
Azul’s Step-Father: Lawyer (confirmed mage*)
*Azul says, “everyone in my family is a mage," without distinguishing between the different members.
Jade and Floyd’s Parents: “They simply run an independent business that dabbles in a bit of everything. Nothing out of the ordinary, I assure you.”
Kalim’s Father: “Does business in a lot of different places,” but what kind of business may never be specified.
Kalim says they come from a long line of merchants and he wants to emulate his grandpa and great-grandpa, but I have not been able to find a specific line that says Kalim’s father himself is also a merchant. Jamil describes Kalim’s father as “a key player in our government and economy.” (confirmed magicless)
Kalim’s Mother: No Information (confirmed mage)
Jamil’s Parents: Servants to Kalim’s family
Vil’s Father: Actor (confirmed magicless)
Vil’s Mother: No Information
Rook’s Parents: No Information
Epel’s Parents: Apple farmers (confirmed magicless)
Idia and Ortho's Father: Director of STYX
Idia and Ortho's Mother: (redacted for Book 7 spoilers)
Malleus’ Parents: (redacted for Book 7 spoilers)
Lilia’s Parents: No Information
Silver's Father: Retired General and Royal Guard (confirmed mage)
Silver's Birth Parents: No Information
Sebek’s Father: Dentist (confirmed magicless)
Sebek’s Mother: Assistant to her husband's dental practice (nocturnal fae, confirmed mage)
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My Personal Opinions on Minsung's Dynamic (2019)
Disclaimer: I am not trying to pass off my opinions as facts. This is my personal interpretation of what is laid out right in front of us. I could be completely off base because I don’t know these guys personally, so take this with a grain of salt and feel free to disagree!
If 2018 Minsung was “show”, then 2019 Minsung is definitely “tell”.
This year, we get a lot more in-depth information about their dynamic from their own mouths as well as a little bit from the other members.
This year, I feel like all the members (not just Lee Know and Han) have settled more into themselves. You can tell they are more comfortable (and less awkward?) on camera than they were the year prior. Lee Know’s outside-of-the-box personality is more discernible and he’s more inclined to show that side of himself to us, but I think that really peaks in 2020 (Gods Menu era) and onwards.
Han shows a side of himself that I’m pretty sure a lot of fans at that time were very surprised to hear, from someone as seemingly as outgoing as him. He’s the definition of a classic introvert: he doesn’t like crowds, he likes staying home, and he’s very quiet around people he doesn’t know well, even though he’s loud and outgoing around his closest friends and members.
This year, Lee Know and Han finally explain to us why they have so much in common. It explains why they naturally get along well and why they gravitate towards each other. They’re both (+Hyunjin) the “weird” ones of the group, both of them don’t prefer deep conversation, there’s no such thing as awkward silence (haha) between them, they like scary movies, they go to cafes a lot, they eat out a lot together in general, the list goes on.
Though, one thing that really stuck out to me was them saying in their Two Kids Room episode that they both “don’t care about what others think”.
Watching their interactions in subsequent years, I think that’s really interesting to take note of. To me, it explains a lot about their individual personalities, their friendship, the way they act around each other…and their very interesting dynamic that flourishes in 2022/2023.
And that they’re both “in their own world” together: Something that never changed about them.
There’s a bit of push and pull this year. We get to see more of their playful bickering, the slight changes in their friendship. You really get to see multiple sides to it (as shown in One Kids Room). I really enjoyed doing this year (and 2020 which I’m working on) because we get to see the foundation of their friendship (or at least a better glimpse into it).
And there's also a couple of instances where the members tease them. Chan casually telling them to have a good date even though they're in JYP's cafeteria of all places doing a Vlive with fans. And Changbin made it his mission to specify that LK knows Han's sleeping habits during One Kids Room. Man did him so dirty 😭😭
My personal opinion:
At this point, I still believe they are just friends. They literally behave like best friends if you watch them throughout this year.
Lee Know’s actions seem to be way more toned down this year than last year, perhaps putting those feelings on lock or just forcing them away in the back of his mind, as it’s just unrealistic for feelings like that to flourish at a time like this. They’re not as certain with their careers, they’re still rookies, they’re younger, being more careful/experienced on camera, other obvious reasons, etc.
Minus a few isolated incidents, things don’t get eyebrow raising with them until around 2022 IMO.
I’ve personally known and heard of best friend situations where one has a crush/feelings on the other for years, they don’t act on it for a plethora of reasons (i.e: the other does not feel the same way until much later in life or they don’t want to risk ruining their friendship). Sometimes they might even date other people before they figure things out…if they ever figure things out. In my case, the people I knew did end up dating each other after dating other people and are still together to this day.
But there are a few moments where Lee Know “slips”.
-The 1st Anniversary Vlive where they’re dressed up in their Miroh outfits, to the point where Han has to point him back to the camera.
-The "9th" episode with the Han fancam sendsssss me every time CAUSEEEEE…that guy thought he was slick ijbol
-Then the "I.N Hometown" Vlive near the end of the year (this one is so interesting). To my surprise, a lot of people didn’t notice it. At the end of the live when they all get ready to say their goodbye’s, LK places his hand on Han’s leg but immediately clenches his fist after realizing what he did. Han looks at him and LK almost grins at the last second. The group, as a whole, has skinship as their second language (some members to a lesser degree, like I.N). Touches like that to them are innocuous and no one blinks an eye. So LK’s behavior here makes me go 🤨?????
Han I think is not as (reluctant?) as he was last year. He even reciprocates Lee Know’s flirting during the “Stay’s Tell Us What To Do” Vlive and seems almost flustered by it. Then there’s a segment during Weekly Idol where Han freestyle raps and asks LK to be his boyfriend (Freudian slip?) as a way to get LK to choose him over the other members. Again, he’s more difficult to read, but I don’t think he really wants to acknowledge it or even realizes.
In 2020, you’ll see a very interesting change with Han’s behavior. You’ll really start to notice his appreciation of LK’s looks. 😉
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I want to have conversations about Netflix's Persuasion that are very different from the ones I've seen. For the most part we seem to have retreated into a literary-textual discussion about what Jane Austen's Persuasion "means" or "is about" and how the adaptation differs from this "meaning" (in 'moral,' tone, composition, plot). At their best, these conversations take a socially situated view in speculating on why an adaptation (and all the people who go into making one) might have felt that changes in a specific direction were necessary or desirable in presenting Persuasion to a particular audience—at their worst (by which I mean: most mundance, least challenging), they merely catalogue how the adaptation is "different from" the text, including in terms of general historical inaccuracies, with a sense of indignation approaching to violation.*
I see people saying that the "modern" tone, dialogue, jokes, and narration style are out of place in what is supposedly (from dress, technology, and other details) a period piece—they specify that they don't mind modern adaptations (Clueless, even Bridget Jones' Diary is mentioned with generosity!) so long as they bill themselves as such (e.g. "if they wanted to make a modern adaptation, they should have just made a modern adaptation"). We don't expect a period piece to make such unabashedly modern jokes or references.
But why not? We are offended when our expectations of what a "period piece" is are transgressed against. But why? We insist that these modes of storytelling (the "period" and the "modern") must not be mixed. But why not?
Quotations of the more obviously "modern" concepts and turns of phrase in the dialogue are trotted out ("I'm an empath," "exes," "alone, in my room, with a bottle of red," "if you're a 5 in London you're a 10 in Bath")—but then we kind of stop there, as though it is enough to say that this sounds awkward in a period setting.
Of course it sounds awkward in a period setting—it's obvious enough that even the writers undoubtedly knew it sounded jarring and were doing it on purpose. So what might this instinctive recoiling from this type of period mish-mash tell us about what we usually hope to get out of period pieces?
Obviously every adaptation is "modern" in that it is produced for an audience of the producers' contemporaries, and in that the sensibilities of the "original" will inevitably be shifted in a thousand ways more or less perceptible to us—so what we can we learn from the places where these shifts raise our ire, as opposed to the places where they go largely unnoticed (a shift to a modern concept of "romantic" love that removes much of the requirement of tutelage, for example—no adaptation that I know of has Mr. Bennet tell Elizabeth to look up to her husband "as a superior")?
Literary-critical-style analyses of the adaptation complain that it got Anne Elliot "wrong" (interestingly, the people saying this have pretty different interpretations of her character amongst themselves). I don't think this is untrue so much as I wish we could push this conversation further. Assertions that the adaptation "failed" assume what its goals were—but what can we deduce about the team's goals from interviews (which I admit I haven't read) or from the film itself? Why do these goals offend us so much? We have a feeling that an adaptation has to "respect" its source material (I recall one person in a youtube video essay baldly stating as much)—but why?
What happens when an adaptation does not respect its source material, in terms of literary or adaptation / book-to-film studies or in terms of the commercial marketplace for movies? How does this movie reveal its own assumptions to us? How does it reveal our assumptions to us? Has it stumbled onto anything clever in its attempt to be more, well... 'clever'? What's going on with the audience-addressing narration? What pitches and shifts does that produce? How does it compare to Austen's narration? Why is this kind of question fruitful or unfruitful to ask of an adaptation?
For anyone who doesn't already get it, this isn't a 'defense' of Netflix's Persuasion (nothing with so much money behind it needs me to defend it). I just wish we were asking more interesting questions!!!
*Of course the language of fandom is frequently self-consciously exaggerated and emotional, as well as based around collective rituals of sharing and commenting, assuming a framework and an idiom that is common to those of others in the same spaces, for fun. This kind of indignation is fun! I get it! As Elizabeth Bennet says, hating something is a spur to one’s genius. And some of these literary-textual discussions are genuinely insightful and convincing. There's nothing "wrong" with these discussions. They're just not exactly what I want to read and therefore I'm making that everyone's problem.
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Hey yuki, I have a question...actually two questions about the game something's wrong with sunny day jack. First: how did jack not find out about ian during these months that he's been with Sunshine? after all, her cell phone WOULD NOT STOP ringing because of ian's constant calls and voicemails, how come jack didn't hear about ian well before the middle of the demo?
Second: And do you think the protagonist has a certain "emotional dependency"? because even if she doesn't forgive ian for what he did to her, she supposedly misses him, yes, because when jack asked if she missed him, she is kind of silent, I interpreted that as a "Yes" . What's more, we already know that she doesn't feel good when it comes to the subject of "Love".
Before I answer your questions, I’d like to take the time to make sure this lovely picture is credited to the game’s creator Sauce. Even though I didn’t post it this time, I always want to make sure they get due credit for their hard work.
Anyway, onto your first question. It’s a pretty good one. In fact, MC wonders about that topic in the demo as well:
Did I ever tell Jack about Ian?
Now that I’d thought about it…The subject really hadn’t come up formally.
Which. Is a bit odd, considering Ian’s room remained (mostly) undisturbed, and right across the hall from my own.
It was same as it had always been, minus what he took with him when he moved to a fancy performing arts school in another state…
I hadn’t been in there since the breakup. But had Jack never wondered either?
It seems as though Jack was waiting for MC to bring the topic up. By not prying into their personal business (at least not obviously) he can be supportive and a good friend, earning their trust.
However, it seems those messages from Ian and seeing his room and clothing every day didn’t affect MC like talking to him directly on the phone did. It was such a painful incident that Jack is clearly worried about them. Maybe he was waiting for MC to talk about Ian on their own, but after seeing how much pain Ian put MC through, it’d be reason for him to push a little harder in order to relieve them of this pain.
Of course, I’m pretty sure Jack would have done his own research into Ian, so to speak. He wants to show only his best sides to his sunshine, so anything that might be less than pleasant is something that is best left where they can’t see it. It’s for their own good of course!
Jack might have already gone through Ian’s room on his own. Heck, MC could have let Jack sleep in Ian’s room until they started sharing a bed platonically. It’s really up to interpretation if the game doesn’t specify how the first few months of their living situation went.
So, yeah, I’m pretty sure Jack already had at least some idea about Ian before he officially brings up the topic; he was just being considerate to MC’s privacy... at least as far as they know.
For the second question... I think that’s heavily hinted in the demo. Though MC is trying their best to abandon all things nostalgic in a reckless manner, likely to try and abandon their feelings for Ian... they still live in the place they got together. Ian’s room has been (presumably) untouched. Most of their wardrobe consists of Ian’s clothes. Given how desperate their financial situation is, he might still be paying for half (or more) of the rent. They still listen to the messages and haven’t blocked him.
There was also the conversation MC and Ian had. MC is angry and hurt, but they didn’t hang up right away. They didn’t yell or say anything that would push Ian away. They made their anger clear, and they voiced their doubts that he can fix things between them... but they’re not ending things completely.
Part of it, I think, is because of Ian’s pleading. They have a history together. They know each other better than anyone. They are in tune with each other, as the afterlife episode showed. They understand each other.
Which makes it so, so much easier for Ian to manipulate MC’s emotions.
It might not be conscious on his part... but the things Ian says in the phone calls are pretty manipulative. It’s understandable since he doesn’t want to lose MC. He claims he needs them and can’t go on without them. He’s emotionally dependent on them.
I think, to some extent, Ian and MC had an underlying level of unhealthy co-dependency going on. Now, how much there is depends on the specific MC and our own headcanons, but we can see in the game from how much talking to him and thinking about him hurts MC... They want to move on, but they miss him.
Ian was MC’s only relationship, and we see some troubling things from MC when it comes to love, mostly in how they feel they’re not deserving. Maybe that’s just from the betrayal they experienced when the person they loved and trusted most cheated on them... or maybe it hints at an underlying toxicity to their relationship.
When Jack asked MC if they missed Ian, that silence was absolutely a yes. I think it was also them not wanting to miss him. They want to move on, but Ian won’t let them.
I think what Ian did to MC is a big part of why MC clings to Jack so desperately in any route. They are lonely and felt bad for so long... and Jack came to make them feel good. He supports them, makes them happy, and fills the hole in their heart that Ian left behind.
Whether or not Jack is a rebound though or can become something healthier though depends on the route taken in the end in the game. I know which one I’m going with for Sunshine in Hell because I like the idea of two flawed and wounded individuals helping each other heal and grow stronger together.
@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur
#Sunny Day Jack#Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack#SunnyDayJack#sdj#swwsdj#Headcanon Ramblings#Ask#Sauce-y Art
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A question of power, Pt 2
Part of the problem with assessing Aziraphale's power levels is that, not only do we not get a direct statement about them, we hardly ever see him do anything angelic-powered in canon. The flashiest things he does in Series 1 are to burn up Crowley's parking citation (which can't have been hard) and to fly Madame Tracy's scooter to Tadfield (apparently soaring blithely over the inferno of the M25; unless someone has identified Shadwell and Tracy's neighborhood as being outside the loop). He heals Anathema, and her bike, and puts a bike rack with tartan straps on the Bentley, which is arguably the least he can do given that it's his and Crowley's fault that she and the bike are injured. However, Crowley grumps at him about it, and Aziraphale appears chastened and excuses himself with: "I got carried away." When Crowley flakes out over the explosion of the Bentley Aziraphale, under protest, makes the gate SP* disappear with a minimum of fuss about the actual act, and then frets over where he might have sent him. (In the book, which has more time to be reassuring, he goes home to the family farm.)
(*Security Policeman, because it's an airbase. On an American Army posts, gates are guarded by MPs, Military Policemen.)
Am I missing anything? Because for the most part, when miracles are to be done, Aziraphale looks at Crowley, expecting him to do "the dirty work." In the French prison he refers to being reprimanded over "frivolous miracles," which is the source of my own headcanon that angels on earth have miracle budgets and Aziraphale's, at least, is stingy. This reading is supported, in Season 2, by the archangels in Heaven being alerted to a supermiracle of "25 Lazarii" boiling off of southern England. At the very least, miraculous power is monitored for angels.
We have no indication that this is so for demons, and Crowley doesn't let knowing that miracles are monitored prevent him from complaining about Aziraphale performing sleight-of-hand when he can "do proper magic," including "making people disappear." Though that particular line is presumably setup for the fate of the SP in Tadfield, it is also reasonable to extrapolate that Crowley specifies that ability because it is something he himself cannot do, or which is easier for Aziraphale to do than it is for him. Lines can do double duty when needed.
The original Series 1 script had two points at which Aziraphale performed miracles which were ultimately cut. In one, he's talking on the phone, spots a baby stroller rolling into traffic, gestures without missing a beat of his telephone conversation, and the stroller changes direction.
In the scene "Aziraphale Meets the Neighbors", his work interpreting Agnes Nutter's books is interrupted by mob types come to initiate a buyout. At first it looks like a rescue situation, per the stage directions: Aziraphale seems slightly out of his depth here. The Boss and two thugs are hard men, well-dressed, dangerous. It's like a lamb meeting three wolves. In a book shop. The thugs even manhandle the books! But when the Boss comes to the point and declares himself ready to make a "generous offer," Aziraphale counters with his own generous offer: you and your friends tidy up the mess you've made, leave my shop, never come back, and we will say no more about it. The Boss is confused, but the thugs immediately start doing as they are bid and even turn their intimidation on the Boss, leaving the shop talking about wanting to be a florist and feeling like nicer people already. The Boss merely complains of his head hurting. This scene is an expansion on a couple of paragraphs in the book, in which we learn that Aziraphale frequently has to deal with mobsters demanding that he sell or pay them protection money. And Aziraphale would nod and smile and say that he'd think about it. And then they'd go away. And they'd never come back.
Just because you're an angel doesn't mean you have to be a fool.
My takeaway from all this has been that Aziraphale is reluctant to perform miracles at all, and that when he does, he a)does his best to make them inconspicuous and b)is prone to getting "carried away." This opens up an entire separate, but related, issue concerning how they choose to present themselves to the world and each other, and how their relationship has been negotiated through all those years, which I'll probably go on about elsewhere but which would distract from the central question of power levels if dealt with in detail here. Suffice it to say that, on the evidence of the first series and the book, there is every reason to assume them to have similar power levels that they choose to use differently. Aziraphale can probably shapeshift and travel the telephone lines; he just hasn't done it within our line of sight. Whether he could learn to stop time is an interesting question on which we can only speculate.
The second series is harder to parse, especially in the minisodes. The fact that the minisodes were separately written and directed makes this inevitable for Doylist reasons. At the Watsonian level, I believe this can safely be attributed to the separate issue of presentation. Aziraphale's supernatural powers are even less flashy than in Series 1. He barely seems to use them at all. His most obvious solo miracles prior to the Ball involve technology, and his approach there is both interesting and enlightening. We can take his negotiations with the Bentley over music, color, speed, and sound effects at face value as an interaction with a fellow supernatural entity if we assign a level of sentience to the car; but he approaches the borrowed telephone (and for that matter, those he borrows the telephone from; like the thugs and the Boss, they are coded as threats, but soften right up when he exerts his personality on them) in the same manner, asking it politely to perform its function, even though he doesn't even attempt to go through the steps necessary or even give it the information it should need. He doesn't even give it a number to call, just "my bookshop." And the telephone comes through, getting mended and upgraded as a reward (and quite possibly despite not being able to take any more upgrades; planned obsolescence is not something Aziraphale's going to cooperate with). I would love to know how the phone's owner's subsequent, blessed interactions with Twitter and Grindr are going, since Aziraphale didn't even know what they were. I suspect the algorithms run differently on that phone. It's an impressive miracle, but it keeps its head down.
The exception to this low-key trend is of course the miracle he casts in tandem with Crowley (and also while touching Jim; the question of whether in the process of protecting him they tapped into his natural angelic power is one I have not seen examined and which I am not prepared to go into myself at this time, but I feel it should at least be mentioned). When specifically asked about this miracle, Aziraphale reaches for a plausible lie and comes up with the "tried to make Nina fall in love with Maggie" dodge. And Heaven allows this as a possibility. The implication here is that even the power of Heaven can't just change a heart with a fingersnap. Human affections are hard to tamper with!
Both this and the "Aziraphale gets carried away" implications are reinforced at the Whyckber Street Ball. Aziraphale doesn't force anyone to show up, but puts himself to considerable trouble, running all over the neighborhood influencing, tempting, persuading, and bribing, even committing himself to parting with a book. Once the ball starts, he gets carried away and controls people to a funny but disturbing extent: Mrs Sandwich can't speak the name of her ancient profession and everybody buys into the roleplay and does a dance in a style few of them are likely to have attempted before (I have; English country dance and square dance are similar in that they don't require fancy footwork but you really have to know the patterns and pay attention). But Nina still doesn't fall in love.
The fact that in "Aziraphale meets the neighbors" The Boss leaves with a headache and the thugs leave discussing their other ambitions and leaning into "feeling nicer" also demonstrates that humans can't be mucked about directly in this way. Aziraphale can take them by the hand and lead them up to the brink as highhandedly as he likes, and exert as much power as he's able, but they have to make the last step on their own.
Which is Free Will and the point of the whole exercise, theoretically.
Heaven and Hell are hedged about with prohibitions and limitations - especially Heaven, but Hell isn't allowed to harm humans directly (collateral damage is fine, which is how Hastur ate all those phone solicitors) and physically can't enter a Heavenly embassy like Aziraphale's bookshop without an invitation. Aziraphale's power usage was strictly monitored and limited by rules and divine ordinance while he operated as an angel - he was absolutely forbidden to interfere with what Hell chose to do to Job and his family, and he's not allowed to save Wee Morag in the Resurrectionist minisode - and he chafes under those restrictions, pushing them right up to the edge trying to persuade Crowley not to do his worst just because he's allowed to. But he's also limited by the hold they have upon his conscience, taking so long to work up to helping Wee Morag that he loses his chance.
But once he's free of Heaven, does he go hog wild, let himself get carried away all over the place, healing and influencing every chance he gets?
Nope. He's still very restrained about throwing his power around. If Heaven doesn't impose rules, he will. Is this because he's afraid of getting carried away? Or is he afraid of his own power? Or is something else going on?
The very largest miracle he undertakes, blowing up his halo, is put off as long as he can possibly put it off. The way he holds himself back and leaves the defense of the bookshop largely to Maggie and Nina is frustrating to the viewer, but at least he makes it clear that this is a choice he's making. The reason for that choice is more properly dissected along with the issue of how he and Crowley present to the world, which I am not doing here, but it amounts to, once again, wanting Crowley to do it, though this time we get the intriguing rationale that it's because "he enjoys rescuing me so much." When the backs are against the wall, though, off comes the halo, and though he says apologetically that he's not supposed to do it outside of a state of war, he breaks that rule quickly, competently, and cleanly.
And then seems embarrassed about it.
The inescapable conclusion seems to be, that if power levels seem uneven between Crowley and Aziraphale, in favor of Crowley, it's because Aziraphale chooses that this should be so.
Which is going to have to be a third post.
#good omens spoilers#good omens meta#good omens season 2#good omens season 1#Aziraphale#meta#power#non sims#good omens book
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What's Grizzy's background?
I have different hcs for different Grizz’s (which I’ll probably make separate posts about)
But the prompt didn’t specify which one so I’m going to go with Broadway revival/ London palladium Griz since she’s the first Griz I was introduced too and my headcanons for her are less Willy Nilly then 98 Griz and 2019 Griz.
(very long post bellow cut)
I personally feel that there's a perception of Grizabella as someone who wronged the Jellicles so badly that it almost makes her seem villainous. While I agree that she made mistakes, I don't think it's a completely one-sided situation. It often feels like some people think the Jellicles can do no wrong and that the treatment of Grizabella is completely justified.
Grizabella held a special place among the cats. She wasn't just "A" glamorous cat; she was "THE" glamorous cat, like an old Hollywood star. Her unmatched voice and undeniable star quality made her stand out. Gus, whom she admired and perhaps saw as a mentor, became her teacher when she expressed her desire to become a performer after watching him.
There was some scandal involved (yes, a classic Hollywood one though I can't pinpoint exactly what happened), which may not be the direct cause but partly led to Grizabella's departure. She started feeling fatigue from being in the junkyard and yearned for something more in life. It wasn't a complete abandonment of her old life, but rather a quest for something beyond. Gradually, she began leaving the junkyard more frequently until one day, she simply vanished.
As Grizabella sought more from life and distanced herself from the Jellicles, she began to feel increasingly alienated. She sensed a lack of understanding from the other cats, who perceived her departure as a rejection of their shared identity. This further reinforced her decision to detach herself from the label of being a Jellicle.
Now, my interpretation of the Jellicles might not align with everyone else's (which is completely okay). I see them as having a strict set of rules. While it's not necessary to reside in the junkyard or visit frequently (like Bustopher, Gus, or even Old Deuteronomy), attending the ball is mandatory. Not coming is like saying you're no longer a Jellicle (which might apply to cats like Macavity, Griddlebone, and, in my headcanon, old productions when Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer are portrayed as puppets).
Grizabella is a fiercely independent cat. Her departure wasn't driven by malicious intent. She simply wanted to explore more of the world, to break away and learn on her own terms. However, what upset everyone was that she stopped considering herself a Jellicle.
She knew Tugger before and even after she left. They occasionally met, though these encounters were often bitter. Tugger envied Grizabella in a way, as she truly lived by her own rules, free from constraints. He, on the other hand, worried that he would be stuck in the same routine in the junkyard, being the "rockstar." He was still upset with her for leaving, but there was also a part of him that felt hurt she moved on without him.
Grizabella is in the same age group as Macavity, not older than Skimbleshanks and Jennyanydots but not younger than Munkustrap and Alonzo. They share a similar age range.
Grizabella displayed persistent efforts to rejoin the Jellicle community, particularly due to her connection with her son, Tapper. When Tapper came into the world, Grizabella lacked the necessary resources and emotional stability to provide him with proper care, prompting her to bring him into the junkyard for a potentially better life. Despite appearances suggesting she was relinquishing him, her intention was never to abandon Tapper. Instead, he was raised by a rotating group of older cats, with his guardianship often shifting depending on who was available at the time. Grizabella would occasionally return to the junkyard, under supervision, to reunite with her beloved kitten. However, the prevailing discomfort and underlying tension surrounding her presence constrained the length of her visits. Prior to the Jellicle Ball, she made sincere attempts to reconcile with the tribe, not driven by personal desires, but motivated by her selflessness as a mother figure to ensure Tapper's well-being.
Regarding why I believe Tapper is her (only) son, it's more about filling in the gaps. The part of the track where Tugger would typically point to Grizabella when she first arrives is missing, and instead, the twins sense her presence and almost immediately disappear. This suggests a fractured relationship between Grizabella and Tapper. Tapper believes that Grizabella abandoned him, and while he longs for a motherly connection with her, he's unsure about delving into their complicated past. This is why he approaches her during the last rendition of "Memory" but then flinches away.
Grizabella's return was not driven by a sense of guilt for her past departure; rather, it stemmed from a deep desire to reunite with her family, even if it necessitated maintaining a certain distance. In my perception of the 2016 portrayal of Grizabella, it appears that she doesn't harbor any regrets. She has already experienced and processed her moments of sorrow and remorse. When we encounter her in the show, she has moved beyond those emotions and carries herself with a certain pride, albeit tinged with sadness. Her journey does not revolve around learning a lesson by the end of the performance. Instead, she has already shed her tears and confronted her regrets. Her ability to carry herself with dignity at the conclusion of the "Glamour Cat" sequence is a testament to her resilience. Despite not anticipating being chosen or embraced by the tribe, she returns to find a sense of belonging and to reminisce about her family and the happiness she once knew. The present no longer holds the same joy for her, but she seeks solace in rekindling the memories of her past and seeking a homecoming.
#cats the musical#thank you for the ask<3#grizzabella the glamour cat#Grizabellle my beloved#Rap tap tugger mention ig?#hcs#familal hcs#I wanted to get into what she was up to while she left but I was like this post is already long enough already so I may make that a seperat#post#anyway tapper
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(gehenna-calling) ok then. let’s have the song from mark & sampson’s playlist that you are Most Normal About
at first i struggled w this ask and then i saw u specified the Mark And Sampson playlist and not the Mark playlist. so. easy wins.
See I'm so normal about this because it is literally about them? Like IDk why this band The National wrote a song for mark and Sampson like tbh thats so insane. for them. I'm normal about it though. I've ranted about this song before but the lyrics are literally just so perfect OKAY??? It can be interpreted from both Mark's perspective and Sampson's. even the ST said this is the best fitting song on their playlist.
Every time you get a drink
And every time you go to sleep
Are those dreams inside your head?
Is that sunlight on your bed?
From Mark's perspective, abt sampson: Sampson seems to drink a lot, which is fair because of the horrors. He wonder's if its unhealthy but is too distant/nervous to really ask. Not sure if it's his place, you know? As for the dreams - lots of context is required to properly understand this but in short Sampson is worried about a changling invading his dreams to the point where he basically insisted mark get him a bed that is warded to protect against that. Mark wonders what sampson dreams about to make him feel that strongly about it.
from Sampsons perspective, so about Mark: Drinking here is about blood. It's harder for me to go into sampsons perspective cause he aint my character so idk everything, but i can def imagine that Sampson wonders how the changeling is fucking with Mark's dreams (because mark is a kindred he can no longer remember his dreams cause its like hes dead but according to the changeling he still has them). I'll interpret the sunlight bit as being worried about mark being ok.
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Every time you're driving home
Way outside your safety zone
Wherever you will ever be
You're never getting rid of me
From Mark's perspective about Sampson: Mark knows Sampson is really concerned about being safe and anytime he leaves his home he knows on some level he must be scared. When he interacts with kindred it's always pretty scary for Sampson. And then of course. The bit about not being able to get rid of him. Mark knows that with the ghoul thing he's kind of dependent on Mark and. he doesn't like that. But yea wherever Sampson goes Mark is with him in the sense that vampires and ghouls would know of their connection and there's no gettin rid of that! and he can't flee. And also Mark really needs sampson for reasons of humanity too - he is a touchstone.
From Sampsons perspective about Mark (and also Just about Mark even if Sampson doesn;t think abt it cause again idk all of sampsons thoughts or many of them): Mark put himself in danger soooo mcuh in order to get territory during open warefare w the Sabbat and . idk how much Sampson knows this but mark wanting a safe place / power was very influenced by wanting to protect sampson. not the only reason but a big one. And. again. being his ghoul. makes the last line work. ough.
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[Chorus]
You own me
There's nothing you can do
You own me
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So self explanatory. Mark has to be Sampson's domintor because of how fucked up the Camarilla in Detroit is. So even if he doesn't act on it its . kind of a fact that he does. and from mark's side of it he would bascially do anything for sampson out of a WONDERFUL DELICOIUS ANGSTY COMBO of guilt, love, possessiveness, and a desire to stay in touch w his humanity.
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[Verse 3]
You could've made a safer bet
But what you break is what you get
You wake up in the bed you make
I think you made a big mistake
Their relationship was def broke by other things but Mark has fucked it up more with the blood bond and the changeling contract. But its the situation and they live w it every day. The Big Mistake is def the changeling contract.
IDK if sampson feels this way but having sampson is def a risk for Mark - a person who can be easily used as leverage over him. Not a very safe thing. But he didn't really get a choice.
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[Chorus]
You own me
There's nothing you can do
You own me
You own me
Lucky you
You own me
There's nothing you can do
Same stuff as before but i want 2 add that i could totally see sampson word for word saying sarcastically "You own me, lucky you" hhhh
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[Bridge]
You clean yourself to meet
A man who isn't me
You're putting on a shirt
A shirt I'll never see
The letter's in your coat
And no one's in your head
'Cause you're too smart to remember
You're too smart
Lucky you
Lucky you
Lucky you
Deep fucking breath. OKAY. OKAY. So this fits but. I have to explain.
The first four lines. are about Mark. From Sampson's perspective. Meeting with his sire. He puts on a bit of an act not in a lying way but in the way that he wants his sire to be proud of him and happy about what he's done. And Mark tries to keep Sampson as far away from his sire as possible.
The next part. Is about Sampson from Mark's perspective. Mark has someone in his head - his sire Julius - but Sampson doesn't. And Sampson has memory problems. which is really sad but it in a way it's safer and smart to not know.
but again a sarcastic lucky you cause like. its really sad how bad his memory problems are.
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Ok i analyzied the hwole song and theres more i could say but this is enough. for you to see. that it is so normal that im obsessed wiht it. <3 thank you
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I liked watching the con videos and don't put to much thought into most of the answers as far as interpreting what something meant. So many fans try to make drama where there just isn't any. I am honestly just trying to look at everything as they are trying to entertain me why am I making myself miserable by trying to interpret their personal lives and feelings. I think fandom is a lot more more fun when you don't complicate it with your own biases. Do you have a favorite part of this recent con
On some level, I get the need to try to tell if actors are actually being honest. Sometimes they do say misleading things or even outright lie as part of managing public impressions. Casts who claim to be besties while actually hating each others' guts is a cliché for a reason. In SPN-land specifically, a lot of people are very invested in whether or not J2 actually want to work together again - whether they love or loathe the idea.
Actors not actually liking each other generally becomes public knowledge through BTS stories of them avoiding each other/fighting/having to be green-screened into mutual scenes. Or through the actors themselves admitting to it after the fact, when they don't feel the need to pretend anymore. Whenever one of these reveals does happen, of course there are fans claiming they totes already knew! Remember when they noticed in video interview X that A grimaced when B was talking at twenty minutes and fourteen seconds, it was ~*so obvious*~ they hated each other! Except they may have been seeing something that was there - or it may have just been coincidental indigestion. It's very easy to brag after the fact about all the totally real clues you saw. Or, conversely, when it hasn't happened? To keep insisting The Truth™ just hasn't been revealed yet, look at all these totally real clues, it has to be true (just like You Know Who do).
Reading that hard into any single con/interview/interaction is a lot more about the fan than reality in the vast majority of cases. Especially since we see so little of these people's actual lives, and when we do it's in such artificial situations. So yeah, theorizing or stressing over what every individual little eyebrow twitch ~*means*~ is IMO futile in terms of any real understanding and a waste of time. Even when we're not talking about fans cherry-picking only certain moments to get to a specific conclusion, as we so often are.
As to my favorite part of the con? It's fairly hard to pick this weekend, because I think J2 had a lot of great answers to new questions and interesting additions to old stories. There were a lot of funny interactions and I always love watching them eagerly watching each other for a reaction after telling a joke. If I have to pick a favorite, though, I think I'd have to go with the question about their best and worst roles answered by each other (though I kinda wish the questioner had specified roles other than Sam & Dean). They clearly had so much fun answering that!
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hi, are tarot readings still open? if yes could i please get one with the main deck?.. my question is about starting to live on my own. do the cards think it's a good idea for me right now? i'm just a little worried and looking for as many opinions as i can get. thank you for your time 🌼
Hello.
I've done your reading, hopefully I didn't make you wait for too long.
You've requested a reading by Rider-Waite Tarot deck but haven't stated the number of cards you'd prefer so I improvised.
The general impression your reading left on me is positive, though the Cards did point out certain difficulties you'd deal with if you decided to go through with moving out and starting to live independently. Whatever it is that you choose to do, I hope that it comes from your personal needs and desires rather than my words alone. I'll explain each card in the order I pulled it so my logic is transparent to you.
Since you didn't specify it, I decided that a Present, Past, Future reading will be the best to give you, plus Challenges and Confirmation cards.
Present: Nine of Swords
It seems like your current situation is making you feel very trapped, isolated, and stuck. It might be so that you are caught in some responsibilities, or that something else is holding you back from leaving. You might feel like there's something weighing you down and not letting you take a leap and leave to live on your own.
Basic card meanings: Fear, anxiety, worries, feeling unhappy and/or defeated.
Past: Five of Pentacles (R)
Something in your past has deeply affected you and caused the current desire to leave your place of dwelling. Perhaps you have been through some hardships or some other intense and difficult experience that shifted your perspective on living alone?
Basic card meanings: Recovery from monetary or otherwise physical loss, leaving the negative behind, overcoming difficult times.
Future: Page of Wands
As long as you persist and push yourself to move forward, the Cards are giving me a positive outcome for your plans. The future seems to be a brighter place if you do decide to leave and live on your own. You might feel better emotionally if you do as well as realize what a good idea it was to take that leap.
Basic card meanings: Good news and/or messages, luck, blooming with energy, optimistic outcomes, fearlessness, acting courageously.
Difficulties: Justice (R)
Despite your outcome being positive, I do see that Cards promise you certain challenges. Justice in its reversed position might mean that you'll deal with some legal issues on your way towards moving out or maybe some difficulties in achieving what you want without it requiring constant pushing from your side. Generally, seeing that this reading feels positive, I don't think these challenges are there to anyhow discourage you from pursuing your aim.
Basic card meanings: injustice, unfairness, lack of karmic luck, dishonesty.
Confirmation: Knight of Wands
The Confirmation card is the card I pull to solidify what has been said about the reading and if it was correct. In your case, this card is Knight of Wands (U), which tells me you can conquer the challenges in your way. Relentless;y pushing forward and not giving up in front of challenges is your way to successfully moving out.
Basic card meanings: Overflowing with energy, acting with a clear aim, following ambitions, moving forward.
Disclaimer: The reading is yours to interpret, as your life is not my own. No Tarot Cards are set in stone, and the future they allow us to get a glimpse into is capable of changing. It all depends on your actions if you are to take any. I hope I helped you this way or another.
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Watched Fionna And Cake and then remembered Simon and Betty’s story from Adventure Time. Cried. Got a new tragic star-crossed lovers and angst + moving on/coping scenario AU story idea(s) for Silva and Faith/Rachel. Cried harder. Listened to Mitski’s My Love Mine All Mine. Drowned in a river of my own making.
Alright, I must mention, Scenario A is pretty soft compared to Scenario B. You can just read Scenario A and are not obligated to read Scenario B (because I will eventually write out both). I say this because Scenario B has trigger warnings for dark and mature and heavy topics like toxic relationships, unhealthy thought processes like low self-esteem and self-loathing, mental health disorders like depression, and very heavily implied ideation of suicide. Do not read Scenario B if you cannot stomach it. Scenario A is all good though. Just general FC5 + my regular bullshit.
This probably going to be a three parter. So here’s part one, the one I like to call: “The Backstory”.
Now, there’s two ways this could go (since Faith’s/Rachel’s character is interpreted in many different shapes and form).
Now we could go down the softer path (aka Scenario A), and go with the interpretation that Rachel was an impressionable teen caught in a very bad situation with no way out but to keep going forward and being addicted to Bliss. More-or-less like a victim of the cult who has to live up to Joseph’s (the fact I naturally misspelled that as Hoseph makes me laugh out of the unbelievability of it) standards to survive.
Now with this interpretation, the story goes like this. Silva and Rachel met earlier than they did in the main story. Let’s say that Rachel and Tracey entered Hope County and met Silva, and they are looking for a place to stay and actually get better. She gives them a job at Elsa’s Floristry. She and Rachel eventually become girlfriends (haven’t specified how yet). Silva also has a hobby of researching strange histories surrounding cryptic gods or whatever (this is important!) which she blubbers to both women about sometimes. Silva did her damndest to help Rachel overcome her addiction. At this point, let’s say Silva has lost pretty much everyone (both the community + Persephone this time on the Archipelagos and Elsa in Hope County), and now has fallen in love (again) but with this troubled young woman, and to her, this is her last chance to prove that she can do good and be a loving individual, unlike what Adam had told her. Now she devotes her everything to Rachel, and Rachel’s love and safety and happiness is all that truly matters to Silva in this world. Making small sacrifices for Rachel (much like Betty). Then they encounter Eden’s Gate (maybe John), and while Silva and Tracey are hesitant to interact with the cult, Rachel manages to win Silva over going to one sermon and gathering which brings Tracey along with them. Eventually Rachel meets the Father himself, Joseph Seed, and he wants her to be his next Faith, so he’s convinced her to stay in Eden’s Gate. Now details are muddy here, but Tracey warns Silva of the cults true nature and the fates of the Faiths and figure out Rachel’s next. When trying to warn Rachel, she manages to downplay the accusations, thinking Joseph can help her (as well as being in the right) and that nothing is wrong. Tracey, of course, thinks it to be a lost cause convincing Rachel, but Silva is conflicted. She doesn’t good vibes about Eden’s Gate but her girlfriend is saying everything is fine and that she can find help there. She doesn’t want to be anywhere near the cult or Joseph but she can’t leave her only purpose left in life. So Silva, to Tracey’s utter surprise, chooses to stay with Rachel, (and if she has the knowledge that Rachel is going to be Faith, then Silva will still stay, even if the Faith role meant Rachel couldn’t do certain things (like sex or have romantic relationships), Silva would go celibate or even just a friend/priestess/follower, if it meant she could just be with Rachel). She’s convinced to give her (reminder: dead) sister’s floristry to Eden’s Gate to join, and Joseph takes Rachel away for detox. Silva can’t join in and has to be assured by Rachel that everything will be okay…
Everything does not go okay. While separated from Rachel and trying to integrate with Eden’s Gate, she is abruptly kicked out of the cult by Joseph (a rather shocking order from the Voice that shocked even Joseph, with the only reasoning by the New God being “she’s too early”), leaving Silva pretty much blacklisted from all cult properties and Rachel only with Joseph (+ his brothers who don’t care that much about her). Reeling from the fact the cult just stole her girlfriend and her late-sister’s floristry, she has a breakdown, knowing she cannot do anything forward to the cult without assuming Rachel won’t be hurt in the process, and heads home to stable herself. Months later, she meets Rachel, but as Faith, if not more addicted and out of it to Bliss (which she made and was used against her in this scenario at least), and no familiarity or memory of Silva (like Simon/Ice King). The Bliss also acts as an eldritch entity in this, using Faith/Rachel for its own deeds. Silva, distraught, heads home to come up with a game plan. At first she wants to take Eden’s Gate head on, but realises it has too much influence and people are beginning to think Rachel as a villain (+ plus making any kind of move against the cult could lead to Rachel being hurt, either in the process or in retaliation against Silva’s resistance). Feeling so lost, that’s when the Voice decides to chime in (because it’s an asshole). Tells her that “there’s an easier and quicker and more subtle and safer way to do this that even Joseph “fraud ass” won’t expect it” and Silva goes “and what would that be God?” And the Voice replies “Go meet my boss, I mean, the Goddess of Disruption, Jannah (much like GOLB), who had a human from your Tumultite history named after her, who can kill the Bliss and take down Eden’s Gate like it was just a normal and definitely unsupernatural event”. Silva isn’t sure what to believe but goes ahead with it because if it means Faith/Rachel is unharmed then she’ll take it (even if it sounds fake) and also she’s done some study on Jannah so she knows what to minimally expect. The at first terrible but hilarious in hindsight part (which you will find out why it’s funny in the next post) of this is the fact the Voice only intends for her to go on a wild goose chase as it prepares Joseph for New Eden (and torment). Also you know how the Voice said this method of saving Faith/Rachel was quick, easy, and safe? Well, there’s the ironic twist… the method is exactly that. Takes three weeks at most. The preparations and time span to get the necessary tools required though? Takes like almost a decade to put together.
What does this plan to meet Jannah require? Well simple, listed below.
- Two devices capable of breaking space-time-reality and teleporting her to Jannah’s domain (one acting as a vehicle to enter the domain and the other as an anchor to get Silva back).
- An important space-time-reality event (aka The Collapse).
- A high-potency of the Third Eye (to spiritually/mentally(?) interact with and control Jannah).
- A medically comatosed magician to be used as a mental battery and emotional stabiliser (to share the energy and intent Silva needs to transfer into Jannah to trick the goddess into doing what she wants).
- An amulet whose crystal was made from a magical meteorite (or a shooting star that people make wishes from), which original function was to make wishes (like the Ice King’s crown) but changed and adapted throughout history and instead acts as a telepathic tool of some kind/canters the Third Eye (to be used to interact and control Jannah).
And some other things. What she needs to do with all of that list of things is break the First Seal of the Collapse (the arrest), skip Seals 2 to 4 (deaths of John, Jacob and Faith) and have a stalemate at Seal 5 and then 6 (death of the family or in this case more Eden’s Gate members + Resisting Joseph), and during that, destabilising space-time-reality by teleporting in the vehicle and anchor devices around Hope County seven times to both a) power up the machines to get to Jannah, and b) trick the Multiverse into thinking the Collapse is about to happen after thinking Seals 2-6 have already been opened and “mistakingly” (since Silva is intentionally doing it) sending Silva to Jannah’s domain, and having a few minutes opportunity while the Multiverse is confused to mind control Jannah into retconning the seventh seal from “drop three bombs” into “defeat Eden’s Gate, kill the Bliss and save Faith/Rachel, happy ever after”. Not even the Voice would expect it (because it genuinely doesn’t expect it).
She’ll get help from the unlikeliest of individuals of course, not just alone (likes of which includes canon characters like Tweak, Zip and especially Larry, or OCs like the supernatural Priestess Lillith and the Tarot Card Holder), and I’ll talk more of how Silva’s plot in Scenario A goes in the next part (spoilers, things go right and then wrong).
End Scenario A here (don’t read further below if you cannot stomach Scenario B) and part two of this three parter will be “Silva’s Plot”, taking place in the events of FC5 and how things go so wrong.
Okay that’s soft Scenario A. Here is rough and tough and dark and uncomfortable Scenario B!
You know, the interpretation where Rachel/Faith is perfectly fine to be the drug herald who took the “Faith” title as a badge of honour, entirely loyal to Joseph and willingly joined him (though acknowledgement must be made that he did kind of groom her into the “Faith” role as he is a paternal adult figure that influenced her choices… doesn’t change the fact she is killing people here and in canon though) and very confident that she’s not in danger of replacement (despite John and Jacob thinking otherwise), immune to her own product, and knows what she’s doing but believing (albeit misguidedly) that she (and Joseph) are in the right while indulging in a bit of sadism and violence and spite like her brothers. Not entirely innocent now, and the question of whether or not she was a true friend to Tracey being up for debate. Though the drug addict and family abuse and ostracisation is still true I will die on this hill.
Alright… TRIGGER WARNING! From here on out, there will be mentions of: heavily implied suicidal ideation (if this is too much for you, please refresh or stop reading), (fairly certain) either a toxic or just unhealthy heavily one-sided romantic relationship (kind of? Like there’s love but it’s not appreciated that much and almost expected but also thought of as disposable so yeah? It’s not great, or good and definitely needs counselling badly so let’s go with that), blatant gaslighting and manipulation, minor discussion of depression and self-loathing and other things. I’m thinking of labelling it “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat”.
Okay, Scenario B, is different. Silva meeting Rachel and Tracey, getting both a job but also falling in love and getting in a relationship with the former? Still the same. Silva devoting her all into it? Still the same. Silva and Tracey helping Rachel with detoxing. Still the same. Only difference is that Rachel is using the relationship for her own gain. The attention, the adoration, the help, the good times. Feeding off it but not really appreciating it. Then we meet Joseph and Eden’s Gate. Joseph takes a shine to Rachel and she likes the detox help and desires and power he offers. Uses her relationship with Silva to get Joseph the floristry and Silva’s involvement in the cult. Rachel becomes Faith, Tracey angrily peaces out, and Silva is willing to stay no matter what. Only for Joseph to kick her out. The big difference here though? Faith also reinforces Joseph’s word, telling Silva straight to her face that “she doesn’t need Silva anymore”, completely shattering Silva’s heart. And Silva does not take it well. You know how I said Silva was invested in the relationship to the point it was her only and final purpose? I was not kidding. Every one she’s ever loved to her knowledge is completely dead from circumstances out of her control (the massacre, Elsa’s accident, Persephone’s terminal illness, etc). In her mind, she has failed as a daughter, sister, lover, friend, mother and a functional human being in general. Now, to herself, she’s failed the lover and protector role… again. This is twice for those two. She is just lost and in despair, wishing for the small things in life, for the important needs, like her community, her neighbours, like her adoptive padre’s love, her sister’s companionship, her unconditional and undying love towards her daughter Persephone. Hell, even the romance with Irene and Rachel. She craves and wants all of it, and believes she just can’t do it right (and the fact the second prophet of God she’s met in her life believes her to be unworthy of joining only makes her self-esteem worse). She’s sick and tired of pain after suffering after failure and just wants to cease. Be in an eternal state of love and happiness in a world that accepts her. She’s depressed and in a state of self-loathing. And she can’t escape. So what happens?
The Voice (yeah, that dick) comes along and goes “hey, here’s an idea, find Jannah and have your world while vanishing in this one”. Silva asks “why would I do something as insane and nonsensical as that?” And the Voice says the worse thing ever “because it would be better if you just ceased in this world.” Yeah, he went that low. So Silva decides to go on a literal mission to privately do that, following the instructions in Scenario A, as not to (what she believes she’s doing) negatively interfere in everybody else’s life, especially Rachel’s/Faith’s. I must remind everyone: This is a very sad tale, with a lot of bitter and bleakness and very minimal sweetness in it at first (unlike Scenario A which is just bittersweet through and through).
That’s “The Backstory” for both done. I’ll be writing out part 2 “Silva’s Plot” in some time.
Bye yo!
#far cry 5#oc: silva omar#far cry the silver chronicles#far cry 5 au#faith seed#rachel#joseph seed#project at eden's gate#the seed family#trigger warnings in this#tw: mentions of dark topics#tw: discussion of a character having heavily implied suicidal ideation#tw: long post#tw: mention of self-loathing#tw: mention of depression#two new au ideas guys#one is softer than the other#the voice
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BnHA Chapter 320: Deku vs. Class 1-A
Previously on BnHA: Flashback!Kacchan was all “fuck Deku and fuck his stupid goodbye letters, I need to speak to somebody in charge.” Endeavor was all “hello, I am Somebody In Charge.” Kacchan was all “listen up asshole, you need to let us go out and collect our wayward nerd because you stupidly left him alone with All Might and that’s a fast track to disaster right there.” Endeavor was all, “[self-incriminating silence].” Rat Principal was all, “okay sure, have fun kids.” Back in the present, class 1-A was all “hi Deku” and Deku was all “I’M FINE!!!!!” and Kacchan was all “THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU’D SAY YOU DUMB FUCKING NERD” and so the kids all got ready to fight, because OF COURSE they’re gonna fight. Sorry guys, but yeah it’s happening.
Today on BnHA: Kacchan is all “what’s up Deku you look like a possessed Rorschach test, so anyway how are the new quirks coming along.” Deku is all “they’re coming along like THIS” and uses Smokescreen to try and get away. Kacchan is all “PHASE ONE COMMENCE”, and Kouda, Sero, Jirou, and Ojiro leap into the fray to shower Deku with heaps of love and violence, because this is a shounen manga and kicking someone’s ass while simultaneously proclaiming your undying admiration for them is just how it’s done in these parts. The KoudaSeroOJirou squad then passes the baton to Satou, Momo, Tokoyami, Kaminari, and Shouji, who are all “fuck this mask” and do a bunch of stuff to tear Deku’s mask off because they’re the real heroes. Shouto is all “LOOK AT THE LITTLE CRYBABY, THAT’S RIGHT, GO AHEAD AND FUCKING CRY and by the way let us share your burden please,” and once again I swear this is all very deeply moving and touching within the actual context. The chapter ends with Tsuyu being all “look at me. I’m the cliffhanger now,” and damn.
lol what
I don’t think anyone was expecting that. I mean, not that I’ve got anything against Tsuyu or anything. anyways it’s a very nice cover and I love the colors and I hope this means Tsuyu’s gonna do something badass
also, “Deku vs Class A” -- pretty much the expected title, but it’s still got me hyped nonetheless fuck yeah let’s go
IIDA ANGST
Iida Tenya really said “fuck the uniform code, we’re leaving the helmet at home today.” sorry kids, prim and proper C-3PO Comic Relief Iida has left the building. can I interest you in some Serious Iida
meanwhile Kacchan is all “sup Deku, I heard you got a few more quirks, and might I just add that you look like the Snyder Cut of Detective Pikachu”
“you look like a tarred and feathered squid” okay easy there Kacchan. I mean it’s all true of course, but still
“thank you all for coming” OH EXCUSE ME SON, WERE YOU PLANNING ON GOING SOMEWHERE. LET’S JUST SEE HOW THAT PLAYS OUT
yep and there’s Smokescreen, right on cue
okay Horikoshi, I leave it in your hands. hopefully you can come up with some more interesting combos than my dumbass predictions lol
LOL THIS ISN’T A COMBO AT ALL
“explosions solve everything” -- Horikoshi Kouhei, 2021. something something shockwave, something something handwave ta-da no more smoke. lol okay then
oh, ouch
he would know, wouldn’t he. nice application of one of your many hard-earned life lessons, Kacchan
by the way you guys, just as an experiment, I’m going to try to anticipate some of the discourse this week in the hopes of preemptively addressing it and thus saving myself some time later on lol. so here’s our first test run!
ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “oh my god what a fucking hypocrite can you believe this fucking guy”
PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: it’s precisely because Kacchan has been in this exact situation himself that he’s able to recognize his past self in Deku now and call him out on it. just because it took him sixteen years to get it through his head that he can’t accomplish every single thing completely by himself doesn’t mean Deku has to go down that same path. so yeah, maybe it is a bit hypocritical, but if you insist that the only people qualified to call out stupid shit are people who have never done a single stupid thing in their own lives, then what you’re basically saying is that absolutely no one on earth is qualified lol. so yeah, I’d have to disagree
and one last unrelated note, I’m willing to bet the whole “you didn’t even say a word before you ran off” thing is possibly the first thing Kacchan’s said in this whole encounter that actually does stem from genuine hurt rather than his tough-love-harsh-truths strategy. I’M TAKING NOTES HERE HORIKOSHI. at this rate it’ll take twice as many chapters as DvK2 for them to hash out all the stuff between them, geez
anyway so I gotta say, so far Deku vs. Class A is looking an awful lot like a DvK3 wearing a hat, trenchcoat, and sunglasses lol
OH SHIT I TAKE IT BACK??
FUCK YEAH, YOU GO KOUDA. and I guess he ditched his mask as well! excellent
so far the strategy here seems to be “Kacchan says all the mean tough love shit while the rest of 1-A balances it out with warmth and kindness”, which actually works pretty well imo. Deku is one of those people that doesn’t usually need a Kacchan Translator anyway, but just in case, this is very efficient
mm but of course Deku is slingshotting himself away with Blackwhip. all right then, who’s up next!
FUCK YEAH
okay but seriously you guys, what is going on with Sero’s face in these last couple of chapters though, it’s really starting to unnerve me. is he trying to emulate Kacchan’s whole asymmetrical facial expressions thing?
in fact let me just quickly hit pause here because,
ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “SERO IS TOGA??!”
PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: no
oh snap looks like Jirou’s getting in on the action too!
poor Jirou probably spent days racking her brain trying to think of something she could bond with Deku over. is Horikoshi doing these in reverse order of the kids who have had the most interaction with him? that would explain why poor Kouda didn’t get a flashback lol
omg. well that answers that
so by my count, Satou and Hagakure are the only ones remaining in this first tier of kids who Still Appreciate Midoriya even though they’ve barely ever spoken two words to him in their lives lol. so they’ll probably be next, and then we’ll get to the next tier of kids who are pretty good friends with him but not quite besties. and then we’ll move on to the IidaRokiRaka trio, and then lastly, to the boy who is in a tier all his own
BUT FIRST, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR
and by “sponsor” I mean the Dekuangst. just in case that wasn’t clear. indeed, many thanks to the Dekuangst for making this all possible
(ETA: okay so this whole “take me away” line seemed pretty weird to me, and sure enough it’s yet another one of those cases where only the verb is specified, and the object is left to the reader’s interpretation. so even though the translation says “take me away”, I’m pretty sure that what Deku’s actually saying is “take you away” -- as in, his loved ones will be taken away by AFO.
and that is literally the way he phrases it, though -- the verb used is “奪う” (ubau), meaning “to snatch away; to dispossess; to steal.” which, god, that hurts my whole goddamn heart though, because for him to say it like that?? not “AFO will kill you”, but “AFO will take you away from me.” he can’t have nice things anymore because of AFO. he can’t be around the people he loves because AFO will hurt them. he can’t have happiness because AFO will take it away from him. anyway so where the fuck is AFO right now, motherfucker I just want to talk.)
by the way can Ojiro just extend his tail to whatever fucking length he wants or what because it’s like twelve feet long in this panel lol
WOOO FUCK YEAH TOKOYAMI
YOU LOVE TO SEE IT!! BUT WHERE’S YOUR FLASHBACK? YOU’VE HAD A BUNCH OF INTERACTIONS WITH HIM, THAT’S NOT FAIR
okay so now Satou’s stepping in which is back to my anticipated order, so maybe Toko will finish his little moment afterward
dskfjfkk
“REMEMBER THAT TIME DEKU BORROWED SATOU’S FOOD COLORING” Horikoshi says, sweating. “AND REMEMBER THAT TIME HE, UM, SMILED IN HAGAKURE’S GENERAL DIRECTION”
actually I am curious about what Hagakure’s part will be because, you know, the whole traitor thing lol
(ETA: funny how we just skipped right over it huh. can we get a traitor reveal countdown started here? definitely getting close to that time.)
whoa lol wtf
MOMO??? THIS HAS MOMO WRITTEN ALL OVER IT DAMMIT
-- SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK
“SORRY MIDORIYA-SAN, I LEFT MY FUCKING CHILL AT HOME IN THE LOCKER NEXT TO IIDA’S HELMET” holy shit lmao
and here I thought she’d get a flashback to her time on the Baku Rescue Squad or something. but nope, no flashbacks from Momo, only terrifying sci-fi torture devices
poor Dark Shadow is such a trooper omg
“why am I the only one who has to make prolonged contact with his smelly disgusting self” taking one for the team there DS
FUCK YEAH KAMINARI NO JUTSU
THE PRICKLY BASTARD WHISPERER STRIKES AGAIN!! don’t suppose you brought any clean clothes you could sneakily force him into huh Kami
okay here we go, so now Shouji and Tokoyami are joining forces
um excuse me this is fucking awesome
wonder how he’ll break free? don’t think he’ll reveal Fa Jin until the end of the chapter, so maybe Air Force or something? idk
TOKO GETS AN EXTENDED MOMENT BECAUSE HE IS A TIER TWO PATREON REWARD LEVEL FRIEND YAY
WHY IS MOMO MAKING THIS FACE LOL YOUR THING WAS WAY WORSE
and Shouji just casually hitting him with what is easily the best comment from anyone yet. too bad Deku’s just gonna ignore it. you deserve better Shouji
KAMINARI OMFG
it only just occurred to me that Kami is currently trapped inside Dark Shadow right along with him lmao omg. realest one in the entirety of BnHA, right here. we will never forget your sacrifice
aaaaaaand Deku’s yeeting himself
do you really hate the thought of taking a bath that much my dude
oh shit the mask!!
-- oh shit the feels
o(TヘTo)
fuck. and I mean, we knew he was crying, that was a done deal. but still, to see him in this much pain is just...
and the acknowledgement that he knows they’re worried about him, but that it doesn’t change his mind one bit. this, right here, is why they have to be a bit harsh with him, you guys. because they’re up against the full, unbridled stubbornness of Midoriya fucking Izuku, and if they don’t match that stubbornness with an equal stubbornness of their own, they basically don’t stand a chance
(ETA: quick note that there is apparently another mistranslation here -- rather than saying that his friends are oblivious to the danger, what Deku is actually saying is that none of his friends have activated his Danger Sense once throughout this entire fight. which I had been wondering about, and it turns out Horikoshi actually confirmed it. so basically none of the kids bears any ill intent toward him, and there’s literal proof right there.
incidentally, as @class1akids pointed out, this also casts an interesting light on this chapter in terms of who hasn’t fought Deku yet. not to play the Hagakure Traitor Music for the billionth time you guys, but I’M JUST SAYING lol.)
anyway, but the good news is that they all seem to understand that. and the even better news is that we have reached the tier 3 friends!!
“OR ELSE” lol, great to see Shouto wielding his friendship just as aggressively as Deku once did towards him. I do love a good role reversal
p.s., ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “why is Shouto being so cruel to Deku can’t he see how hard this is on him”
PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: this is a callback to the classic “even heroes cry when they have to” Shouto line from chapter 137. Shouto is clearly following Kacchan’s lead here and going for the more ruthless approach, knowing that the gentle approach isn’t getting through to him (if anything it’s only making him more stubborn as we saw on the previous page). basically it’s his way of pointing out that even heroes are still only human, and so is Deku last time he checked
ah okay, and there Tsuyu is at last
okay real talk, I get why Tsuyu is included in the tier 3 friends, because she was one of the first people to team up with Deku going all the way back to USJ. but that said, this probably would have had more impact if their most recent interaction hadn’t been like 150 chapters ago
but anyway though it’s still a good speech. maybe not quite a cliffhanger-level speech, but a good speech nonetheless. in a way though, I’m glad to see that Horikoshi seemingly didn’t give a fuck whether he ended this on an actual cliffhanger or not for once
and that “headed toward the climax” part has me excited too, ngl. because if we really are getting to the so-called climax this soon, that makes me even more certain that there is indeed a DvK3 in the forecast. so I presume that next week (or I guess two weeks from now) will be the tier 3s along with the remaining tier 2s like Kirishima and Aoyama
and then after that, well... [orange and green banners being hoisted] [sound of screeching airhorns and vuvuzelas in the distance] [sound of All Might approaching in his car which I didn’t notice until I looked back at this page a second time whoops] THE PROPHECY WILL NOT BE DENIED
#bnha 320#midoriya izuku#bakugou katsuki#asui tsuyu#tokoyami fumikage#kaminari denki#todoroki shouto#class 1-a#bnha#boku no hero academia#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#makeste reads bnha
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Inspection
♥️ Inseong x reader (gender and pronouns not specified, female anatomy)
♥️ Smut (~2k words); I'm back with my quirky nerdy a bit emotionally detached Inseong agenda! Oral sex and fingering, a tiniest little bit of anal play, edging, lightly hinted objectification and somnophilia and, possibly, some elements of medical play (can be interpreted like that). Established relationship. They're both kinky bastards, everything is fully consensual.
♥️ Disclaimer: this is just for fun! I’m not claiming that’s how he is in real life, it’s just my imagination doing whatever it wants. Read at your own discretion.
You certainly didn't plan to wake up before the alarm, but the sound of rustling behind you pulled you out of your well deserved sleep. It was already getting bright outside - despite that, you were about to try your luck dozing off again.
At least until Inseong's arm sneaked around your waist, only to push you snug against his chest.
You hummed in confusion. Inseong? Awake at this hour?
"Shh- You can just doze off. I need to do an inspection on you." His whisper, smooth like silk, brought warmth to the back of your neck.
"Inspection?" You asked, although at this point, nothing coming from Inseong's pretty mouth should have sounded weird or confusing. Especially so early in the morning. "What are you on this time?"
"My brilliant brain. And eight hours of quality sleep," he murmured against the shell of your ear. That was true: last night, he went to bed right after taking a shower, claiming he would only take a short nap. Two hours later, you had no heart to wake him up, so you just snuggled with him and fell asleep yourself.
"Anyway, we haven't seen each other for a couple days… I need to check up on… some vital parts of your gorgeous body." His hand hovered over the front of your briefs. "See if you're cumming properly."
You squirmed in the embrace, unable to hide the jolt of excitement that rushed through your body. That only made Inseong pull you closer.
"Oh no, we can't have you all tensed up during the hole inspection," he cooed with fake sympathy; you couldn't tell if his choice of words weirded you out or made you horny. Probably a mix of both. "You need to relax."
Just as he said that, he moved his hand upwards, letting it slide under your T-shirt. He caressed the skin on your stomach, which definitely wasn't helping you calm down.
He leaned his head over your side. Now, with better access, he left a trail of tender kisses from your temple, all the way down your jawline. You were just starting to relax a little, when his fingers moved down, catching the hem of your underwear.
"The sooner we start, the better. Be nice and follow my instructions, okay?" he asked in a reassuring tone, although you knew he was just pretending. Mere thought of his dirty intentions made you shiver.
He sat up and pushed away the sheets.
"Can you lie on your back for me?"
You nodded and did as he told, your heart beating faster with every moment.
Inseong was in front of you in seconds, sliding your briefs down.
"Okay, now spread your legs wide."
You trembled when cold air hit you between your legs, as you hesitantly fulfilled the order - or maybe it was just because you felt so exposed. Inseong, not wasting any more time, nestled himself comfortably, leaning on his elbows. He moved his face dangerously close to your pussy; you could feel his breath on your skin.
After a while of just observing intently, he spread your labia with his fingers, using the thumb of his other hand to press your clit in a little circle. You grasped the sheets beneath you, holding back a moan.
All that anticipation was driving you crazy, even though he was touching you without any kind of lubrication so far.
"Oh, okay. Correct reaction."
Inseong's voice was steady and almost neutral despite the situation you were in; he still didn't bother to look away, either. Another circular motion of his thumb had you writhing, but you didn't make a sound - that is, until he grazed another finger through the slit of your entrance, making you whine at the brief contact.
You decided to peek, only to see him observe his now wet index finger. Then, he licked it clean.
To say you were all fired up would be an understatement.
"That's better." He returned to his earlier position. "But still not enough."
He made brief eye contact with you, probably just to make sure you can see everything well. Lining his face right above, he let a streak of saliva drip from his mouth onto your clit.
Your body jerked as the liquid hit your swollen bud, the roll of it through your skin almost agonizing. Inseong, still in character, watched it flow leisurely, until the last drops disappeared between your cheeks.
You swore your revenge after you were done. This amount of teasing was truly criminal.
Next moment you had to drop your threats, though, because Inseong nonchalantly brought some of your wetness up and started massaging your bud properly - all of that with his eyes still focused on his ministrations.
Yes, you were basically reduced to your pussy. Yes, it was turning you on like hell.
The movement was definitely too slow to be satisfying, so when clenching around nothing gave you no relief, you let out a couple strangled, high pitched whines.
Inseong picked up your clue, though not without putting his own twist into it.
"I suppose we're done with the preparation," he stated calmly. "Time to start the actual inspection."
That bastard. He was just playing around all that time.
He carefully pushed a single finger into you - and you could clearly tell it was the middle one, because once it was all in, its tip rested right on your sweet spot.
You tried rotating your hips to get some pressure you craved so much. Inseong immediately withdrew, no more than a centimeter or two, making you cry out from sheer frustration.
"Everything seems to be fine on the inside, too." Inseong murmured. You could hear a devilish smirk in his voice.
You were looking to the side, not wanting to show your eyes were glazed over with tears, but you caught Inseong sitting up straight with the corner of your vision. He was staring right at your face.
No, you couldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing you so worked up.
As if he read your mind, he put his hand on your knee, spreading it further. Still staring at you, he started pulling his finger out as slowly as it was humanly possible. You were so swollen and sensitive already that the deliberate, agonizing movement was making you lose your mind.
Inseong chuckled. He was clearly enjoying it.
You thought he was done teasing and would just peacefully bring you to climax, but he had something else in mind.
Daring to look at what's happening, you saw him finally pulling the finger out, a long streak of your juices sticking to it. You could swear you blinked for a mere second - only to get startled by your own sharp gasp as Inseong pushed three fingers at once into you, the slide easy thanks to all the wetness.
Oh God, the fullness was heavenly after all the teasing.
Keeping his eyes on you, Inseong started pumping his fingers in and out at a relentless pace. At the same time, he kept rubbing your clit with his other hand.
He might have sucked at physical activity, but his hand coordination was out of this world.
You covered your face with your arm to drown in the intense sensation; at this point, you didn't care - you screamed, unable to handle the delightful stretch in a collected way. Soon enough, your cries dissipated into quick breathy moans, a tell-tale sign you were close.
That's when Inseong abruptly removed his fingers, once again leaving you empty. You let out another scream; this time, out of frustration.
"For fuck's sake, just let me cum!" You hit the bed with your fist.
Inseong laughed out loud.
"What? Are you kidding?" He laid down on his stomach. "We still have another hole to inspect."
You went quiet immediately. You brought up this topic a couple of times before. Was he actually going to do it now? A shiver took over your body.
Inseong pressed his middle finger against your clit hard enough to elicit a choked gasp from you. He started moving it down, coating it well with your juices. Once he passed below your entrance, he licked his lips and leaned in to press them on your clit.
You couldn’t control the sounds coming out of you anymore when he put his mouth and tongue to work, literally making out with your pussy - slow kisses, licks and warm huffs of air turned you into a mess in no time. The feeling was so overwhelming you almost forgot about his finger that was going lower and lower down your crack.
You held your breath when you felt it touch your other hole.
Inseong stopped for a moment. He swallowed theatrically. What a show off.
“I need your consent for the final part of the inspection.” He was dead serious.
“G… go on…” You mumbled, surprised at how hoarse your voice has gotten.
With that, Inseong’s tongue swirled on your skin again, and his finger mirrored the movement. His oral game, as amazing as always, distracted you for a moment; he increased the pace, and you decided to focus on the sensation.
Then, you felt the pad of his finger push a little, and your mind was gone.
Your orgasm hit at the slightest breach through your rim; you came hard, practically wailing, shocked by the intensity. It lasted longer than usual as well, so that when you were done, you could barely get yourself back together.
“Oh God… Oh God, what was that…” You wondered, completely out of breath. Stunned and confused, you sat up.
Inseong’s shirt was soaked all around the collar, not to mention he was wiping his chin with a sleeve.
“I give it an 8 out of 10 score, just because of squirting. Didn’t get to inspect the other hole properly.”
You smacked his shoulder, although it was more like a weak pat considering your physical strength just leaked out of you.
Quite literally.
Inseong’s only reaction was surging forward to pin you to the mattress with his body. He pressed his lips against yours, letting you taste yourself on his lips. You didn’t mind it; you both loved being a little messy anyway.
"I love you so, so much. I'm sorry I called your cunnie a hole," he said, breaking the kiss. You shook your head at his remorseful expression; he always gave such cute nicknames to your intimate body parts that this one time wasn't an issue for you at all.
He embraced you tightly, hiding his face in the crook of your neck.
“Hey, sir, I think we have one more inspection to do,” you giggled, feeling a half-hard bulge poking your thigh through Inseong's shorts.
No answer came. You pulled away from the embrace as much as you could, locked by Inseong's tall frame.
The boy was asleep already, resting his head on your shoulder, a carefree smile on his lips.
You sighed and patted his hair fondly. Well, sometimes it was all about him giving you pleasure you deserved, rather than trying to chase his own. Having you blissed out under him would feed his (bigger than expected) ego just enough.
Actually, it was one of the things you loved the most about your relationship - right after Inseong's unusual quirks and kinks, that is.
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youtube
A Little Talk About Little Talks and Plurality
This is something I've been wanting to talk about for a while but haven't gotten around to yet. The recent conversation about psychosis and plurality brought it back, though.
For those who don't know the song's history, (which I'm just going to assume is most of you because most people don't have an encyclopedic knowledge of music facts,) it was inspired by a real couple who lived in the home of one of the writers.
"We kind of had in mind the people that lived in my house, because I moved into a very, very old house," Hilmarsdóttir says. "They had lived their lives there, and the woman had just passed away. It's a conversation, and maybe one person isn't really hearing the other one."
...
"How we usually make our lyrics is, Raggi and I, sometimes we come up with stories or situations. That one is about a relationship. Sometimes we haven't wanted to give too much away. We like people to read their own things in the lyrics. I guess I could share it. It's about a couple and the husband passed away and it's from the conversation between the two of them. We don't know if she's going crazy or if someone's actually there. We've kind of been inspired by people that lived in my house. This old couple that lived there for 30 years. The woman passed away, so it was kind of different."
My host used to love this song, but once I got here, there was something that made me instantly uneasy about the lyrics. I guess because I know how it feels to be on the other side of the conversation.
One of the most common and effective methods for creating tulpas is narration, where you spend time speaking with your tulpa every day, and listen for responses in your head that don't seem like yours.
My host didn't make me intentionally, but he would talk to me all the time as he walked. I was a fictive, and many writing sites recommend doing exercises like that to understand your characters. Except talks that were meant to be about my story and helping him write my source often got turned to talking about his past, and me learning to understand the person who wrote me. It's kind of amazing to think back at all the time I spent learning, even before I was self-aware.
But the same method that creates fictives can also create other types of headmates. A "factive" is a headmate made through similar methods, but based on a real person.
Little Talks doesn't actually specify whether this is an auditory hallucination (which could suggest a psychotic disorder) or simply a mind voice. I'm choosing to read it as the latter.
With that interpretation in mind, the song presents what appears to be a widow communicating with a factive of her deceased husband.
Widow: I don't like walking around this old and empty house
Husband: So hold my hand, I'll walk with you my dear
Widow: The stairs creak as I sleep
It's keeping me awake
Husband: It's the house telling you to close your eyes
Widow: And some days I can't even dress myself
Husband: It's killing me to see you this way
The thoughtform keeps her company while she's alone, tries to help her rest, and is worried about her health. He's suffering watching her mourning him.
Widow: There's an old voice in my head
That's holding me back
Husband: Well, tell her that I miss our little talks
Here, you can see her pushing back a bit, nervous if she should be communicating with this voice in her head. But he doesn't want to stop talking to her. Probably for her sake as much as his.
Widow: Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right
Husband: Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear
The line about her mind playing tricks on her can be interpreted multiple ways. The first thought would be that he's trying to convince her that he's real and her mind is trying to convince her that he's not. But I think the opposite could be happening.
The first line of the song's chorus is "don't listen to word I say," which could suggest a level of self-awareness, knowing that he's not really her husband, or at least can't be trusted in some way.
At its core, the song presents a woman who is communicating with what she believes is her husband. It presents a binary choice of not knowing if he's real or just in her head. But, from the perspective of a girl who lives in somebody's head, both can be true.
This song resonates with me because I've been there. I've been the person who exists for someone else. I've been the girl who had to plead and argue to be believed in. I've been invalidated by others, and I've invalidated myself.
This was me in a post from 7 months ago, when talking about my source memories:
It's weird because I am fully aware that I'm not really that character. I understand that my experiences aren't the same as hers. But at the same time, her memories are still mine and what my identity is built around. And so I still feel like I "had" those skills and abilities and "lost" them. And I know that sounds delusional. Which, since I haven't yet completely convinced myself that I'm not a delusion, is incredibly meta. Can a delusion have its own delusions? LOL!
It was right after that when someone told me to stop invalidating myself for the first time, and I still haven't forgotten that. But at the time, it was hard to try to navigate through all of this, and while that was half-joking, it was also half not joking.
This song was probably not intentionally about plurality...
But the phenomenon it's about is something that happens. It happened, in some form, to the man who inspired it. (Assuming it wasn't an auditory hallucination.) People who talk to their loved ones in their head may find their voices gradually growing more vivid and more self-aware over the time. With strong enough pseudomemories, the thoughtforms created this way could believe they're legitimately spirits, and the host might conclude the same.
Or, the thoughtforms might "know" they're not real, while still having their own thoughts and feelings, and not being able to reconcile that.
I think there are probably a lot of headmates out there, especially fictives and factives, who can relate to the lyrics. I know I'm not the only one who feels like they've been in the shoes of the husband, trying your best to support someone who might not believe you exist.
The song just always hits a bit too close to home for me, in a way that I'm sure the writers didn't intend.
#of monsters and men#little talks#plural#actually endogenic#endogenic#tulpa#tulpamancy#endogenic system#plurality#plural system#music#songs#endo safe#actually plural#multiplicity#actuallyendogenic#actuallyplural#tulpas#thoughtforms#ghost#Youtube
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(This was originally a response to a long thread of posts about J.K. Rowling and Scott Cawthon, however I have decided to make it it’s own separate post as I feel as it may reach my general followers better as I want to make it clear where I stand on the issues)
I had an entire moral debate with myself about the subject of comparing J.K. Rowling and Scott Cawthon, and here's where I'm standing currently:
I don’t believe we can equate the Scott Cawthon and J.K. Rowling situation, because of how they handled their separate franchise's as well as how they handled being called out for being shitty
Ever since J.K. Rolling got called out she's been actively using her platform to spread her TERF rhetoric, she is an active bigot who uses her big platform to spread hate speech
When Scott Cawthon got called out, he admitted to it, he did say he wasn't sorry (gross), and then he retired from FNAF a few days later and hasn't really been heard from the Internet since (as far as I've heard and seen anyway)
Harry Potter in itself has hateful stereotypes engrained in the story itself, that's why you can't simply separate art from the artist with Harry Potter, because Harry Potter reflects these hateful beliefs, this is why even pirating Harry Potter isn’t a good option and something I don’t advocate for
As far as I'm aware FNAF has never explicitly or implicitly reflected Scott's beliefs, I specify FNAF specifically because I do think he made a game before it that had a line or ending that could be interpreted as anti-abortion (which I also think he removed after being called out for it, not certain of this though please correct me if I'm wrong), so I do think you can separate art from the artist here
It is true that we have no idea if Scott is making money off Security Breach, he is retired now but he wasn't retired when it was being developed, we don’t know how active he was in it’s development and if he’s making money off it. I am being safe by just watching YouTuber’s play it and not buying the game myself.
I do think it’s probably safe to buy FNAF games made after this one, because Scott should no longer be involved with it’s further development and so should no longer be making money off it, if you want to play the previous games, pirate them, hell, pirate Security Breach if you really want to play it as well as making sure you aren’t supporting Scott.
#I am gay myself so I really hope I don't sound like a straight person defending Scott or some shit#Fuck Scott Cawthon#Me and my friends hate Scott Cawthon#Android.txt#FNAF#security breach
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Pick me up when I fall (Tanjiro x reader)
Summary: You return from a mission injured, and Tanjiro soon learns that your wound was self-inflicted.
This story may be interpreted as platonic or romantic, that’s up to you. If you want him to be your boyfriend in this oneshot, or if he’s your best friend, is your decision.
Warnings: self-harm, blood, angst, heavily implied killing of a demon. If you are sensitive to any of these topics, please do not read this. I want you to stay safe, so please don’t read this if it may trigger you.
Word count - 1895
Yes, I was working on this until past 12:30 on a school night. Fight me.
Tanjiro knew something was wrong when your scent changed. At first he thought you were having a bad day, but then as the days passed your scent continued to grow stronger, and it was almost constantly one of a deep sadness and despair. When you returned from a mission and the first thing he smelled was blood, he ran to the front of the building like his life depended on it. When his eyes landed on you, there was a large gash on the side of your left leg, spread over almost the entire length of your calf. He was at your side in an instant, pulling your arm around his shoulder to help you walk as he exclaimed,
“What happened?!” You stiffened at the sudden contact, and tried not to wince at the pressure put on your ribcage - you were almost certain you had cracked at least one of them.
“Was just a difficult mission is all - a demon slashed my leg in a fight,” you lied. Tanjiro smelled another new scent from you in that moment, he had never smelled it from you before, and could not recognize what it was.
“Let’s go, we need to get you to the docto-”
“No! I’m fine, Tanjiro, I’ll heal on my own, I really don’t need medical attention,” you cut in, knowing the doctor would know your cut was not one from a demon.
“Y/n, it's okay. There’s nothing to be worried about. Please,” Tanjiro said, and as you gazed into his eyes you saw a genuine concern for you. You sighed, internally panicking as you tried to think of any possible way out of this situation, or any explanations you could give of what happened. Tanjiro was already leading you to the doctor, and you had no choice but to walk along with him. You were screwed.
Tanjiro could smell your distress, but couldn’t figure out why you would be so terrified. Soon he was opening the door to the medical room for you, and you slowly stepped through. You walked to the middle of the room and took a seat on the floor. Tanjiro sat next to you, taking your hand in his as he smelled the fear radiating off of you.
“Why are you so nervous?” he asked softly.
“I just don’t like doctors,” you replied, not completely untruthfully. You had always disliked and been anxious about going to the doctor, even for a simple check-up.
“Are you sure that’s it? You seem… terrified. More than you normally are for a doctor visit. You’ve been afraid even before I told you you should come here.” At that moment, the doctor entered the room. His eyes widened when they landed on your leg.
“Miss L/n, what happened?” he questioned, kneeling next to you with his medical equipment.
“I- I was attacked by a demon,” you said, and Tanjiro noted that your scent of fear and hesitation grew stronger when you said that. The doctor treated your leg, and left for a moment to get some test results. When he returned, he spoke,
“Miss L/n, what really happened to you out there? These test results clearly show that you were not attacked by a demon.” He didn’t specify what the results showed, so that he might know whether the answer you gave would be another lie or not.
That was what made Tanjiro remember what had happened a few minutes before, when you gave off a new scent when you told him you were attacked by a demon. He now knew what it was - deceit. But why would you lie to him? Especially about how you had been hurt?
“Oh, did I say demon? I-I meant a demon slayer. I killed a demon that another slayer was apparently hunting, and he was angry and started attacking me.” You threw your answer together quickly, but it was better than you had expected. Still, Tanjiro could smell the stench of deceit once more.
“Miss L/n, may I see your sword?” The doctor asked, extending his hands.
What?
He asked for your sword?
You hadn’t thought to clean it before, since you could always say it was the blood of a demon you killed. You knew you were going to have to hand over your sword, but you tried to stall anyways.
“Why?”
“Miss Y/n. Your sword, please.” The doctor pushed his hands closer to you, and Tanjiro watched as you shakily pulled your sword, which was covered in blood, from its sheath on your hip, placing it in the doctor’s waiting hands. He stood, still holding your sword, and walked to another room, presumably to run a test on the blood.
Tanjiro was caught by surprise as he smelled your fear growing even more intense, and you began to shake, leaning on your right arm, which had its palm against the ground, for support as tears streamed down your cheeks. His expression softened (his expression is always soft, but just pretend) as he carefully wrapped an arm around you, letting you cry into his shoulder. As your breathing became less erratic, and slightly slower, Tanjiro considered what to say to you. His voice was soft and laced with care as he slowly asked,
“What’s wrong? Why are you so scared of giving him your sword?” He paused, before adding, quieter, “Why did you lie about what hurt you?”
You didn’t know what to say. You knew he would know that you were lying, so you couldn’t fabricate an answer. At the same time, you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him the truth. As you opened your mouth to try to tell him what happened, the doctor walked in with a frown.
“Miss Y/n…. you were not attacked by a demon slayer, unless they took your sword from you and cut you with it.” Tanjiro was still processing what the doctor had said as you stood, stumbling slightly because of your injured leg, before walking over to the doctor.
“Yes, I didn’t tell the entire story. But that’s what happened.” You reached to take your sword back, but the doctor held it out of your reach. He turned to Tanjiro.
“Mr. Kamado, please take this, and do not allow it within sight of Miss L/n until I say otherwise.” Your eyes widened, feeling stiff from the tear stains that lined them.
“What?! That’s my sword! I need it! How else am I supposed to go on missions?”
“You won’t be going on missions until I feel you will be safe and will not harm yourself. Perhaps in a few weeks I will allow you to go on a mission, provided Mr. Kamado accompanies you.” That was when the doctor’s previous words really sunk in. You had cut yourself with your sword. Intentionally. That was why you were so afraid when he made you come here - because you knew the doctor would find out. He had to fight off tears himself as the reality of the situation sunk in. He stood, walking over to stand beside you, before the doctor.
“Thank you, sir,” he said shakily as he took your weapon and put it in his sheath (he didn’t bring his sword or two swords somehow fit, idk). “Come on, Y/n.”
The walk to your room was silent, and it bothered you more than anything. The uncomfortable silence hung thick in the atmosphere, and you tried to focus on anything other than the impending conversation with Tanjiro.
As Tanjiro walked beside you, he could smell that your fear was not at all gone, though it seemed to give way to something else, or perhaps more specific - fear of disappointing someone, or letting them - probably him - down.
Soon you had arrived in your room, and you stepped in and tried closing the door before Tanjiro could enter, but to no avail. His reflexes were almost faster than lightning, and he caught the door with his hand before you could fully close it.
“Y/n,” he sighed, “Let me in. We need to talk about this.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” you said as you averted your gaze.
“Please.” When you looked up again, you saw nothing but love and worry for you in his dark red eyes. You relented, stepping away from the door and walking to your bed, sitting down.
“Fine.” Tanjiro thanked you, and stepped over the threshold, closing the door behind him. He wordlessly sat next to you, and the two of you sat in silence for a few moments, before he broke it.
“Why?”
It was a simple question, but there was not a simple answer. You didn’t know how to explain it, without telling him everything. You took a deep breath, thinking of how to respond, and trying not to break down again. It didn’t work, and soon Tanjiro enveloped you in a warm, comforting embrace as you cried. He rubbed circles in your back with the palm of his hand, doing whatever he could to help you and comfort you. He knew you had been in pain, but he never would have imagined it would be so great you would hurt yourself. It took a while, but you had eventually calmed down, and you pulled away from Tanjiro, rubbing your eye.
“A week ago…. I-I found out m-my family was… k-killed,” you spoke slowly, and Tanjiro was patient as he waited for you to find your words. When the sentence had left your lips, he gasped softly.
“Y/n…. I’m so sorry…. I had no idea.” He pulled you closer into his side as he continued to rub circles into your back, occasionally running a hand through your hair. You slowly continued,
“When I went on the m-mission…. I saw a d-demon,” your breathing was growing more erratic as you spoke, “b-but it was m-my…. M-my b-brother. H-he a-attacked me…. And I-I…. I-I….” you couldn’t finish, the image of what you had seen and done was too horrific. Tanjiro understood what happened, and tightened his grip around you.
“That’s terrible. I’m so sorry, Y/n. But it was unavoidable, it was your life or his. And I’m glad you chose yours. Your brother wouldn’t have wanted to be a demon either - and he would never want to lose you.” After a moment, he added, “And I don’t want to lose you.” You listened to his words and tried to accept them. “But, Y/n…” Tanjiro glanced down to your leg, wincing at how deep the cut was. “Please, don’t hurt yourself. I know you’re in a lot of pain, but please, don’t do this to yourself. I’m here for you if you ever need anything.” You thought on Tanjiro’s words, before slowly nodding your head.
“I…. I can’t promise I’ll never do it again, Tanjiro. B-but, I’ll try.” Tanjiro looked at you, a gentle smile forming on his lips.
“Thank you, Y/n. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.” You wrapped both of your arms around him, pulling him into another hug. You knew it wouldn’t be easy to move past the losses you’d suffered, or to accept what you had done to your brother, but with Tanjiro by your side, you could do anything. He would always be there for you, to pick you back up when you fall.
#anime#tanjiro#kamado tanjirou#kamado tanjiro x reader#demon slayer#self-harm#angst and comfort#fanfic#kimetsu no yaiba
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