Someone did not appreciate my invitation to tell me about blorbo.

: (

one thing i find really difficult about navigating the IF space is the direct line of contact between readers and authors. we share the same space, and i think that plays a big part in this weird blurred line we have in this community and overall lack of boundaries.

for a lot of people this is a fun hobby and while i personally try to keep it... semi-professional most of the time, it's easy to get wrapped up in having fun on tumblr (or the forums, or reddit, wherever it is that you mainly post/interact) and have a lot of personal interactions with both readers and authors alike - which is fun! i like it more often than not, but i also think that's why a lot of comments in this space can end up being really entitled, over-familiar, and inappropriate.

it's no secret that most authors get really weird messages on here, and while this is also a problem on social media at large and not just specific to IF tumblr, it is still definitely a big problem in this community.

and to be clear i'm not saying that you can't be friendly with authors or readers (i've become friends with a handful of readers myself) and i definitely don't mean to imply that there needs to be a huge divide between us; that's silly - again, most authors are readers, most readers are authors, we’re just people on the internet sharing the same space. but all of us deserve to have our boundaries respected. this is my story, and we are strangers. as a general rule of thumb: if you wouldn't say it out loud to someone you just met, you probably shouldn't be saying it to a stranger online. especially anonymously.

Real quick, not because it's come up or anything, I just want to be pre-emptive about it:

Remember that I'm not the world's leading expert in anything, including kink. Remember to take things I say with a grain of salt and do your own research. I never want to be one of those people who styles themself as an expert and is treated as some sort of guide/leader. For one thing, that's not a power dynamic I'm comfortable with. I'm here to make friends and have fun and spread my love of RACK, not be in charge of anyone (save for moderating the discord).

I happen to know more about queer identities, disability, and kink/bdsm/safe sex than the average person just because they're the three areas I've studied a lot and that most affect my personal life in various ways. But that doesn't mean I'll always be right about everything, or that I'll get across my knowledge well, or that you should just listen to everything I say and take it as fact.

Especially when it comes to kink and bdsm, you should never be teaching others about it just from what you've learned from me, nor should you be practicing it if I'm the only source you've gotten your information from. As a general rule of thumb, never get all your information from one source or believe people just because they usually know what they're talking about. Look for multiple sources, do your own research, remember that there's always going to be different perspectives and everyone has blindspots they don't know about.

So yeah, idk. I just don't wanna be creating weird power dynamics just because I happen to know a lot about kink and like to share my knowledge. And I definitely don't want people engaging in irl kinks based only on what they learn from me, because I've barely brushed the surface of what you need to know before you can safely engage in kink.

Also just because I tease and flirt does not make me anyone's dom. I don't engage in play without negotiation and trust (and friendship or money). If I'm flirting with someone, it's because they've consented to it and they can revoke that consent at any time. But I will never try to engage in actual power exchange here, that would be irresponsible and once again create a power dynamic I'm not comfortable with. I have my limits, and I'll make them clear, so never worry you've accidentally broken them without knowing. And don't worry about trying to defend me, I can defend myself.

*loads you up in my queue like a shotgun*

folks are gonna get a kick outta this in approximately eighty days

Aren't you the one with the weird ass misogyny kink

This is such a perfect example of how fucking stupid callout culture is, actually.

For context, nearly two years ago now, a few blogs known for picking fights & starting harassment campaigns picked a fight & started a harassment campaign against first one transmasc blogger, then a bunch of other transmascs they harassed about reblogging his post who either didn't respond to them, or who responded unfavorably.

I won't get into the nitty-gritty here, but I did elsewhere [1] [2] and so have a few other folks.

I wasn't the original person called out. I was tacked on after the fact because I didn't respond.

What I've been "called out" for since then is, essentially, a bunch of complete bullshit made up by people who are pissed off that I encouraged people to think critically about the callout posts they came across.

Even among those lies, my sex life, kinks, fetishes, whatever- none of it has ever come up. Because I don't engage with that online, I never have, and I never will, for exactly this reason.

Would you be surprised if I told you this wasn't the first time I'd been accused of the "crimes" that original person was accused of?

You probably shouldn't be! This shit happens all the time, and it's only a natural progression of the callout culture it all stems from: one person has some shit they said taken out of context and painted in a bad light by a vindictive and usually transphobic internet loser, everyone who doesn't publicly disavow them immediately and without question is guilty by association, and what reason do they have to defend this person anyway, except so they can get away with the same thing? They must be doing it too!

And this ask especially is phrased in such a blatantly manipulate way. There's no good way to answer this: either I say "yes, but" and people stop thinking or caring there, or I say "no, here's what really happened" and I look weak and dubious for defending myself at all. The accusation has been made, the question has been asked, and now everything I say is with the assumption that this is something I am responsible for proving or disproving.

It's stupid and pointless and it's all fucking made up. It's designed to run on instinctive disgust and outrage, and what better conduit is there for rage and disgust than trans people? Especially trans people who talk about being trans.

And even putting all that aside: who fucking cares?

Who cares if one dude gets off to some shit he, in real life, both suffers from and actively tries to combat? Why are you so concerned with the private sexual fantasies of one random internet stranger? Why is it so important to you that everyone in the world know what this one dude thinks is hot when acted out between two consenting adults?

Come off anon and tell me all your kinks, anon. Tell me every single thing you have ever been turned on by, everything you've masturbated to, and why. I want detailed notes. I want links to porn. If you've made art, written fanfic, roleplayed- I want to see it.

C'mon, if this should be publicly available knowledge, let's start with you. It shouldn't matter as long as none of it's weird or off-putting to anyone else, right? You don't need to hide anything, right? There's nothing there you'd be embarrassed about, nothing you'd rather keep private, right? So what's the hold-up, why haven't you done this already? Why are you on anon to begin with; what are you hiding?

If anyone's the "sex freak" or whatever, anon, it's you. Nobody fucking needs this information about anyone, especially if they aren't sexually involved with each other. It's a massive invasion of privacy, and much more importantly it is textbook sexual harassment.

Anyway. Hi, voc and w-oc. I should be more surprised to see you two in my inbox, but I guess yall are obsessive enough to respond to, literally, a couple of tags on one reblog containing undefined, contextless acronyms of your urls. Hope you talk to a therapist about that someday.

alright. look, we're going to go into this because i genuinely want to think you didn't mean harm by this, but it's unacceptable to use this sort of manipulative phrasing. especially with strangers, some of whom are kids.

this is not a call-out. i've hidden all names except my own. i just need to address this post i was tagged in, and don't want to add it onto the end of the original post. i could also have done this privately, but i want this to be here for the other folks who were @'d. i won't @ anyone else who was mentioned in this post, but many of us are mutuals, so if you see this post and you're feeling at all stressed out or bad, i recommend just clicking through because i'm going to go into this.

firstly, and i'm going to make this transparent, person who @'d me: i don't think you're being malicious or did anything purposefully bad. i don't think you intended harm or that you are "a bad person". i don't have a single negative thought about you as a person. i don't make this post to be mean. i truly think you made an earnest mistake that could easily have hurt others, and i am stepping in with the hope this can be avoided in the future! per my usual boundaries on reassurance seeking, i will not reassure about this further.

secondly, the post that you tacked this onto IS important and a helpful resource, and it is great to bring attention to it. we should be doing everything we can to not only defend against, but actively fight back against generative AI. many people cannot access the most commonly recommended tools (myself included), so a resource like this is fantastic and i'm glad to learn about it and share it! i don't speak for anyone else, but i've said before that i personally don't mind being tagged in resources that could help me or others and i'm usually happy to share them, especially if i think the latter

but, assuming that you are genuinely well meaning and don't know better, you need to know that this is not the way to go about it. i don't mean mass-tagging, which is fine in times like this imo, i mean your written add-ons that actively guilt trip every single person you tagged.

"if you weren't convinced by the idea of being a good person" and "I do hope anyone I @'d isn't a bad person" in particular.

you may not have realised, but these are profoundly manipulative and cruel things to say. regardless of how you intended them, they are inciting guilt in the reader, and especially in the people who you actively called to come and look at it. here's what it sounds like:

"hey! you! yeah you! come look at this!! come closer! now, do what i ask you to do, or you're a bad person."

there are a million and one reasons someone might not reblog something. being tired, offline, anxious, even needing to run a specifically professional blog with exclusively your art on it for your own financial survival which makes it hard to reblog important posts like this; none of those are bad.

in this case, only one thing makes them a "bad person", and it's "they're pro-generative AI and did not reblog because they want to hide this information to ensure they can continue stealing from creatives".

i'm fairly confident you don't actually think anyone you tagged here has that point of view, or that you really have any doubts about their stances on generative AI. in fact, of the folks i recognise here, they're all independent creatives, sharing artwork with fandom for free on the internet. they are the victims of generative AI, and like most of us, are facing a terrifying future and are already desperate to find a way to defend/fight back.

you do not need to use manipulative language like this to get us to care about this sort of content! this affects us all, content creators and content consumers alike!

in future if you want to direct folks to something like this, which is super helpful and it was good of you to do!, you can just @ them so they see it. you can even say something like "this is important and some reblogs would sure help to boost it!". this is still a call to action, but without the manipulative phrasing, just in case they cannot act for any reason.

in the end, guilt tripping people like this, intentional or otherwise, is dangerous.

at best it will make them feel like shit and they'll feel forced to reblog + share from you out of guilt rather than just believing in the cause. and sometimes it feels like it's most effective, especially when things are urgent; but in my opinion the risk of harm is just too high. because at worst, you could accidentally send someone into a negative thinking spiral. you can never know what people are going through offline, or outside of your spaces, and how something like this will hit them.

Hi, just a little reminder to everyone who has attempted to message me or talk to me, and didn't get a reply or didn't get a reply they wanted.

I often have people messaging me expecting instant friendship and emotional support and talking to me as if we already knew each other. I don't think this is done with ill intent, but I do want to gently remind everyone that we are complete strangers when interacting online, and that I cannot grant anyone instant friendship; to me you are a person I don't know. I will talk to you as a stranger would. Even if you've been reading my words and taking solace and imagining a friend telling them to you, to me you are someone I've never met or known, and I cannot function as an emotional support on a personal level to strangers. It ultimately is not helpful for you to convince yourself that a stranger on the internet is your personal friend, or to push that stranger into trying to act the part; I am unable to fulfill this role. I am not emotionally well myself, and I do not have a support system, so being put in a situation where I'm expected to be one for a stranger feels unhealthy.

Another thing I'd love for everyone to remember is, that I don't have all of the answers. I love to help where I can, but ultimately I am a person in a lot of distress, trying to deal with multiple disorders without any access to therapy or even friends who understand what I'm going thru. I am isolated and posting on this blog is often all I have. If I knew how to get rid of trauma, how to deal with disorders, how to not be sick or in pain, how to evade abuse or how to feel okay, I would use this advice to fix my own life. But I am sadly, lost like the rest of us.

There are times where I am in too much distress to talk to anyone, if you sent me a message and it went unanswered, it is very likely that I was in a state so bad I could not communicate. I will usually recover from it within several weeks, but by that time I feel bad even reminding someone they've sent me a message, it feels asinine to try and reply so late. And it reminds me of the period where I felt bad looking at the message, unable to respond. I'm not ignoring messages on purpose. If you try again some time later, you're likely to get a reply, if I'm in a good state of mind.

However, if you send me a big number of messages at once, start talking about your issues without asking if it's okay first, send several messages without a reply and then keep sending them and demanding a reply, put pressure on me to communicate with you, try to guilt me into giving you an answer you want, or assuming I'm maliciously ignoring you, you've made me uncomfortable and I have to listen to my instincts and stop talking to you.

I am sensitive to anger, aggression, ranting, swearing, slur-use, and doing that in a conversation with me it will make me feel threatened. Because we're strangers, and any stranger acting like I'm an acceptable target to take their anger at is dangerous. We are not friends, and dealing with angry strangers is terrifying. In that situation I have to do what I would advise anyone else to do - leave the conversation.

The last issue is with people attempting to trigger me on purpose, pretending they need help then defending abusers, trying to convince me that all of my resources are harmful and doing nothing but damage, or trying to get me to delete my content, change my posts, advocating for abusers, siding with my abusers, telling me I'm a monster, insisting they're victimized by me unless I personally disprove my smear campaign to them, and generally trying to get me to lash out in order to post it online to claim I should be cancelled. That is the worst thing you could be doing to a traumatized abuse victim. I am a person, of course I sometimes say something wrong and not well thought and put out. That doesn't mean anything I ever do to help others is worthless and should be erased. And you will not convince me that my blog is useless or harmful. It helps me. And I am someone too.

My current criticism of the handling of the Thomas Sanders YouTube channel and media brand does not come from a place of hatred. I know that people often assume that online and any negativity in the fandom is often met with hostility so I wanted to make myself very clear.

I do not know Thomas Sanders. I don’t have many opinions about him personally. I have spoken with Joan a few times but I’m not friends with them and they’re not apart of the channel anymore anyways. I have no hatred for current fans. I do not view people who still like the content as bad.

I simply disagree with how certain series are being handled. I don’t like how obscure the team is being, especially since the main face behind the channel has a reputation for being very interactive with fans. I no longer jive with certain creative decisions. I don’t like how the main series on the channel has become an advertisement for itself. I’m generally burnt out from waiting for content.

If you feel the need to defend Thomas, fine. But he’s not your friend. You don’t owe him anything. And I have no quarrel with him as a man. He’s a stranger to me. And with how the internet works, you’re likely also a stranger to me. And I have no issue with you.

My problem with Snaters

Look, this is a fandom; love who u want, hate who u want, and find the people you can share that with. I’m not here to shit on that, ok? That’s what fandom is for, and it’s the thing that drew me to fandom in the first place.

What I do have a problem with is the people- specifically Snaters- who decide to hate a character, and then use that to proclaim their moral superiority. I see so many posts and arguments from the Snapedom itself that are defending Snape from the usual Snater arguments and I’m just like, what?

Why on earth do we have to defend ourselves from internet strangers who literally can’t tell fiction apart from reality? Who cannot comprehend the fact that characters can be morally questionable and still pretty fucking interesting?????

I’m sick of questioning myself and my character after arguments. I’m sick of questioning something I love. It’s fucking fiction, guys. We don’t need to defend ourselves against this bullshit. I don’t give a fuck if Snape was a bad teacher. I don’t give a fuck if Snape joined a terrorist group when he was a teenager. And I don’t give a fuck about any of the other morally questionable things he’s done, cuz guess what?

He’s FICTIONAL.

K-pop fandom related rant, feel free to keep scrolling (keep reading if you’re nosy 🥸)

A lot of international K-pop fans are complete and total hypocrites. They have this moral superiority complex against incel K-nets who dunk on idols for dating and living their love lives and wanna advocate for idols being seen as real human beings with their own emotions and thoughts, but when an actual dating rumor pops up related to an idol they’ve formed a deep parasocial relationship with, what kind of “jokes” do we see? “Nooooo my fave is dating someone, I’m gonna jump off a cliff!”, “Wdym they aren’t xyz sexuality, they’re for abc group of people, we’ve got let down 😔”, “What happened to that post where they were clingy to this groupmate of theirs, we got tricked 😭”. They may be haha funny for the first, like, 5 minutes, but not only do they often escalate to being extremely strange and dehumanizing, we need to question the roots of these jokes altogether. Call me unfunny, miserable, a cupcake, a blind defender, tell me to unclench and laugh a little or whatever, but first of all, if you played along with fanservice enough to feel even the slightest bit of disappointment that it’s not reality, what can I say except you’re probably birdbrained enough to hop in a sketchy stranger’s car for an expired lollipop like a 5 year-old? Secondly and more importantly, of course this doesn’t apply if the rumors are also tied to someone disgusting and the idol in question is horrible for dating them (the reactions will be different as well), imagine being so invested in this obviously fake and “ironic” fantasy to the point where your warped perception of them turns so stale you’re deprived from the ability to act normal about the new couple and wishing them well, let alone bearing happiness for them and the fact that they’re cherished and appreciated by someone in real life. K-pop fandoms have always been doomed in that aspect, both Korean and overseas, but you could distinguish between the normal fans and the truly delusional crowd, because due to internet humor being debatably cornier in the past, these comments looked freakish right at first sight. With the current jokes, irony and self-deprecation, the lines between “satire” and reality have become more blurred than ever, and you need to possess a level of reading comprehension and critical thinking to raise an eyebrow at these responses. K-poppies worldwide possess neither! They’ll only consider calling out the comments infringing personal life if they’re laid out caveman style like “my idol dating bad, making fans sad bad, idol no date no club no different gender friend, idol only love fans and make fans happy”. No sense of nuance or depth, no appreciation for these ARTISTS’ artistry and work, only a desire to project their lack of a social circle onto singing and dancing pretty dolls thousands of miles, or rather a screen away. I get it, they couldn’t give a monkey’s about the music, about the talent, about the performances no matter how much they pathetically pretend to. The hell depth of the barrel is checking yourself for your behavior and comments, and either admitting you’re severely unwell and not much different than the K-nets you get a high out of criticizing or fixing that attitude and getting a damn life. It’s clown behavior for us international K-pop fans to yap about the select group of emotionally unstable Korean fans when we’re faced with the exact same problem within our own side of the fandom! Trash vs garbage, coleslaw vs potato salad, Wish vs AliExpress. Get real. 

I can’t believe I’m staying in this hellhole even though I’m very distant from fandoms, for long years every other day has presented me with signals to leave for once and for all, but unfortunately I’m too invested in my faves’ future music projects so I don’t see myself quitting soon.

Children deserve privacy. It doesn't matter what fucking happens. It was an invasion of my privacy for my abusive mother to use spyware on my phone and it's an invasion of privacy for regular parents to have 24/7 access to everything their child does. guess what fucking happens if a kid gets messaged by someone with a pride icon and their parent sees it! That's right, that child is dead now! Defending this puts children's blood on your hands.

Oh hey, my first anon hate, because I tried to stop scaremongering on the internet!

Look, it's sweet that you have strong opinions, but the problem is that you need some common sense to back them up, which is something that you only get by thinking carefully before reacting in the spur of the moment. So let's break down where you went wrong.

Firstly...it's really shitty that your parent(s) were abusive, and I'm sorry you grew up in that environment. I hope you're in a safer space now.

But as I mentioned in the actual body of my post...there is a real danger when it comes to extrapolating based on personal experience alone. Because your parents are not the only parents. Abuse is not normal, and it shouldn't be the framework around which we build our society.

For example. When I wrote a diary as a kid, and my mum read it and that led to me getting in a shitload of trouble? I could use that experience to say "kids shouldn't keep diaries, it's a vulnerability which people will exploit". Or I could say that everyone should do what I did, which was to develop a coded language only I could read, so my privacy couldn't be invaded again.

But that's ridiculous! People should be allowed to write diaries without being afraid their parents will read them and dislike what they find. So to tell a whole society: "Hey, this bitch read some kid's diary, so now we have to ban all diaries to keep children safe" is a massive overreaction, no?

At the same time, it's true that abusive parents might read a child's diary. So it would be prudent to tell a child in that situation how to avoid the danger. Which, if you had actually read my post, you'd know that I did.

Because, again, the discord policy is an opt in feature which links to an account, and can be subverted.

Children with abusive parents deserve to know that they can protect thsemselves by making a burner account for their parents to link to instead.

But okay, PSA time, I guess internet literacy has changed, and maybe that terminology was too vague. Here's how to make a burner account, and what it can do.

Step one: make an email address. It can be anything, you just need a different one from your ususal, so that you can use it to sign up for Discord again. I actually have three email accounts, this is useful for protecting myself from spam and scammers. It's good internet practice anyway.

Step two: make a second discord account. You could use this to communicate with family members or fandom friends you're a bit leery or wary of, but generally you're going to want to keep activity to a minimum, while still logging in regularly enough to throw people off the trail. Maybe join a few strategic servers to give the appearance of life.

Step three: use this second discord account to link to the abusive parent's account as part of the monitoring programme.

Congratulatoons! Now your parent thinks they have a level of control and monitoring which actually isn't happening, and you can switch between these two accounts freely to keep up the ruse while you work towards safety. This is actually how I protected myself while trying to escape an abusive relationship while my Skype account was being monitored, so I very much know that it works.

Again, I'm sorry that your parent(s) installed spyware on your phone, because that sort of thing obviously wouldn't be avoidable in the same way. But reading comprehension is very important, and it's also important to consider that strangers on the internet might be survivors of abuse as well, and hurling insults at them? Perhaps that's not the wisest use of your time.

Perhaps it's wiser to stop and read what people are telling you, so that you can learn from how other people have kept themselves safe in the past.

I wish you a kind future, with a better grasp of empathy down the line.

Jamie has a wide range of fans. There are fans like myself who have followed him since Sweeney Todd. Then you have Twilight, Harry Potter, Mortal Instruments. He has a younger base because of Counterfeit, now Stranger Things. You have a mix of 17 yrolds and over 30 crowd. The issue is you can't tell the difference as fans are so weird these days. Many fantasize about him and are living through Jess. Which is why they defend her as much as they do. I refuse to defend Jess. She is a scam artist.

I don’t personally see the point of defending someone to the level they defend Jess to also live vicariously though her. I understand the concept of living through someone else but I don’t understand why or how one could blatantly ignore what a horrible person she is and want to take her place or be her. Isn’t it much easier to construct a fantasy were Jamie is with you or someone nicer and prettier that doesn’t come across as a complete sociopath? Why is Jess such an important part of this fantasy they need to have? Make a new fantasy and ignore her.

Also when it comes to teenagers I understand, but if you’re over the age of 25 and doing this then I question your motives and sanity. That’s a point you should better than to behave like an obnoxious internet stan. I do feel bad for the teenagers though. That they think this is an example of a healthy relationship and a strong independent woman. She’s a poor role model for anyone other than the fame hungry and desperate. She proves the point that sleeping your way around (changing your entire body with thousands of dollars of cosmetic surgery) and being completely disingenuous can make you a success. Instead of good virtues like working hard or having some sort of marketable talent and skill with a personality that doesn’t rely only on the guy you happen to be dating.

ewww serious (and long) post incoming, but for future reference: just because this is the internet... that doesn't mean that real-world etiquette doesn't apply.

if you go up to a random stranger and assume that they're talking about you, they're unlikely to take kindly to that. they're especially unlikely to take kindly to you then accusing them of lying, waving your hands in the air to get other strangers in on this conversation, badmouthing them, and walking away before they can even get a word in.

if you wouldn't do that or accept that behavior yourself in real life, why would it suddenly be acceptable online?

wouldn't you feel confused and offended if you were the one getting accused of something you didn't do? if you were thrust into a no-win game where it doesn't matter how or if you do or don't respond, because the outcome is still going to be the same? if you were trying to mind your business and someone else decided to warp that, create a spectacle of it, and broadcast it to thousands of people? if the person accusing you of something then went on to do that very same thing in an effort to garner support as if this is a battle of some sort?

isn't that just... rude? to go up to a stranger and assume that whatever they're doing is about you? to go up to a stranger and assume that you've preoccupied their mind and time? to pick a fight that you won't see through and slander them to thousands of people?

like. yes, this is the internet. no, i don't actually feel personally hurt or anything over what happened—because i know who i am, and you can go back through my blog and a) see the fifty posts i've made on the sword debate, and b) a post from the night before where i literally predicted what ended up happening—but i do take issue with the behavior that we do and don't allow in this e-space.

i don't have to respond to someone's presumptuousness with my usual chummy, fluffy tone that i reserve for my followers and friends. i don't have to take care not to sound "defensive" when i've literally been thrust into an argument where i'm now forced to defend myself against someone that was already being defensive, hypocritical, and that doesn't actually care to hear my answer because they've already made their judgement anyway. i don't have to take someone trying to speak over me or talk someone down sweetly when they're making an attack on my character, and neither does anyone else that's ever been put in a similar position. i'm not jesus—i'm not going to turn the other cheek.

personal issues can explain why a person behaves the way they do, but they don't excuse that behavior or make it okay. none of us should ever make our personal problems someone else's problem—that's a mark of poor emotional control, and it's just not fair to anyone else.

not all of us are adults here, i know, but most of us should know better. if you want this to be a true community, then you need to behave appropriately and maturely.

there's a person behind the pixels that are on your screen, and they're every bit as real as you are. if you wouldn't do something in person, then you shouldn't do it online either.

that's just my two cents, though.

Tw Antisemitism Tw White Supremacy Tw Homophobia

Ohhh boy Wilbur Soot.

So to start this off I am not Jewish, and I'm not a person of color. I'm just writing my own thoughts, do not take this for anything as I am not a member of the affected groups. I am also not linking the thread as it was made by a member of leaktwt (a subtwt dedicated to digging up personal info of content creators).

(in case you don't know what's going on a thread on Twitter was posted exposing a lot of antisemitic, white supremacy, and homophobic things that Wilbur and his friend's from his group channel Soothouse had engaged with when he was 19/20. So 2016ish)

Sorry if this is messy. I'm writing this at 4:45am, running on 30 mins of sleep, on my phone, and I have ADHD.

I think the thing that confuses me the most is why people brought it up. Wilbur has been very transparent with us that he was a shitty person years ago. He never went into specifics, I can't say I blame him now knowing the actual content, but he has been extremely transparent. Now I can't say the same for the rest of Soothouse given I don't watch them but I know Wilbur has been transparent.

I'm not defending him! Not even close, this shit is disgusting and literally awful, and Wilbur does need to talk about it and properly apologize.

But all this does is expose his audience, especially people effected by the rhetoric Wilbur was engaging with. Something he has stated time and time again he no longer engages with, and that he's extremely embarrassed he engaged with. To the type of person he USED to be.

That's going to be in their minds everytime they watch a stream, video, listen to his music, see him on someone else's stream, or even just see his name.

This happened to me with a (former) content creator I watched. He was deplatformed but every time I see his first name I associate it with that person. I can't even watch his friends (all good people and I wish the best for them) anymore because of that association.

So even though he's clearly changed, those people are going to always have what he said/did/promoted 6 to 7 years ago in the back of their minds. And due to that they may stop watching him, which they are entirely entitled to do so, again I'm not a member of the group effected.

And the people who dug up the information are Stranger Things stans which has its own antisemitic problem (the best word I could think of sorry), so pot calling the kettle black much? As well as literally going through Steam's code to find this information.

And it was 2016. They were young white men in Britain during the height of neo-nazism and fascism humor and groups on the internet. Particularly in predominately white-cishet-male gaming environments. I myself am found guilty of finding a few of the "jokes" during that time funny (I was 13 growing up in the conservative Midwest. And do not reflect how I feel now.) And while this isn't an excuse for that, it was the humor for that group at the time.

Again, I'm not defending Wilbur at all. And I definitely don't want to speak over Jewish people or people of color. I'm just saying something that may help to quell the sense of immediate panic people may be going through. As well as bringing up some points I'm too scared to post on Twitter.

Jewish people and people of color feel free to add anything you'd like to add! I'm not trying to take away from what you guys need to say! And I'm definitely not trying to tell you how to feel or anything of that sort.

Edit: Would also like to say he wasn't like actively promoting anything. He was making incredibly antisemitic "jokes", and interacting with sootJacks when he had the f slur in his username.

As far for the "jokes" we have proof of him naming a factory Auchwitz in Factorio which is a factory building game, making a swastika in ultimate chicken horse, and interacting with people who had pepe (yes the frog, it used to be a nazi dogwhistle. And I'm not sure if it still is) pfps.

It took me a really long fucking time to acknowledge why i can't handle boundaries/end up being manipulative as fuck to real and sometimes online people.

EVERYBODY FEELS LIKE I HAVE TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS WITH! I truly did not understand stand that consciously, i only ever chalked it up to social anxiety. No matter how many times i told myself i wish there was a class on how to talk to people and what people will judge you on.

I grew up with parents who would be gone from home long periods of time (due to their jobs bc we were poor and childhood divorce). And when they came home would either fight eachother or their children (me and my siblings). Belittling us for little things we did or want which oftentimes was extremely normal kid stuff. And because i was the youngest, i was an honorary child of the eldest teenage sister who obviously was a bad mother but also actively bullied me for years.

Not to mention parents who would constantly tell me don't trust anyone, everyone is judging you and out to get you. So they sheltered you home minimizing play time or hanging out with other kids. I actively remember being a kid and trying to set up healthy boundaries like "hey mom, it really hurta me when you yell at me for crying when i get shots or needles, I'm trying my best." And her going "fuck off, you're just sensitive and you need to get over it by now." Or my dad actively triggering me when he does his angry sound tell so i asked him to please do it less and he angrily calls me a child in a long drawn out paragraph and huffs away.

I was/sometimes still am stuck in a toxic cycle of needing to learn how to set up boundaries for myself and telling people, namely my family, to fuck off if they don't. I used to have a hero complex where i would help people at the expense of myself to often but then i said fuck that and now I've made my over defensiveness even more obvious.

But i also couldn't acknowledge this extends to EVERYTHING. In real life when someone says you did a bad thing suddenly it feels like a volcano of the most angry emotions stir inside of me BECAUSE I AM FURIOUS.

I'M FURIOUS that no one acknowledges how hard it was to walk on eggshells all the time. How I'd need to pat myself on the back every time i completed a social interaction successfully or comb through every detail of them to find something to improve on. I never felt i was progressing to normal but that i was stuck incompetent forever.

I get told a lot that I'm very mysterious and never tell anyone anything and this is why. I HAVE MAJOR TRUST ISSUES. This is where the hyper-independence, the closed offness, the combative nature against people i trust especially comes in. Why I'm always surprised people who don't see me everyday or run to me anytime the see me say I'm their friend. I'm sure i came off super cold when i asked them why but i was genuinely surprised. Because being teased, bullied, and dismissed by everyone close to me growing up fucked up my view of people and relationships.

I don't mean for any of this to come off as an excuse but as an explanation. And me trying to reach people who've gone through the same things i have but kept getting back into the cycle of needing to defend yourself by all means possible to people who just said "please stop, i don't like this," or any other variation of you have done something wrong. Especially if you went over the line online and someone said "hey thwt way too over familiar, don't talk to strangers like that." because yea STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET ARE NOT YOUR THERAPIST OR PUNCHING BAGS.

I really need people to understand this isn't from entitlement, it's subconscious mistrust in everyone you meet bc subconsciously i believed everyone was out for me. Someone i needed to defend against before or after they talk to me. No matter how nice and gentle it comes doesn't matter. Everyone has to be lying and think it's the biggest deal in the world actually or this is a greater sign of you being awful all along. Like everone did that to everyone elae. And if anyone just casually calls this narcissism I'm hitting you with a 2x4. Those posts never resonated with me. They felt dismissive for me personally.

I AM ALWAYS IN A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE VICTORIAN ENGLAND TEA PARTY WITH A BAD REPUTATION. Or better yet I'm always walking on eggshells with people.

Coming from someone who knows they're mentally fucked up but not knowing exactly how for all your life but especially in the past 5+ years of not going to therapy except when it was closeby and free a couple times but never being truly open with them because you learned vulnerability equals dismissal and pain 99% of the time.

So yeah, i highly recommend looking back on your childhood and examining when you were dismissed or had your boundaries broken. Then work on active trust with people and be open to more people because not processing my trauma but trying to steamroll being a functional persom also fucked me up.

Bisexual people don’t owe you ANYTHING. We don’t owe you proof or explanations, we don’t need to be more queer or less straight or any of that bullshit because we are exactly what we are: bi. We don’t need to be with a person of the same gender to fucking validate ourselves in your eyes. We don’t need to share our dating histories or personal information just cause you want to know. It’s none of your goddamn business, and nobody asks the same questions of straight people, and they rarely ask it of gay people too.

I know this is a community, and that we all have so many shared experiences, but I’m so goddamn sick of the rampant biphobia in the world and so many people don’t see it or think about it or they let it slide. It fucking sucks. I’m sick of defending myself to heteronormative assholes who don’t believe I exist, for whom I am not straight enough. And I’m sick of reading posts from queer people, the kind of people I usually feel safest around, that tell me I don’t belong in their spaces.

In all honesty, I’m an incredibly privileged person. I am. I’m white and grew up in an upper middle class family and I’m able bodied and intelligent and I went to good schools and had a mostly good family, and I didn’t get dealt a lot of difficult cards. All of this is to say that, much like everything else in my life, I don’t really give a shit about myself.

I got fucked up from some things that happened to me, but I never really did anything about it or felt angry until I saw it happen to people around me. I consider my own feelings far less often than I consider those of the people I care about. That’s how I feel about this. So if you want to be a biphobic asshole, direct it at me. I’ve taken it before, and I’ll survive it again. I can hear slurs and bible passages from family and priests and deal with people I considered friends telling me I would never really be a part of the queer community. Throw it at me if you’re a shithead who needs a target cause if I see you doing it to one more kid who’s going to internalize it the way I did, I’ll fucking lose my mind.

We don’t owe you anything, and we don’t deserve your hatred and constant invalidation. Stop erasing us. Stop berating us. And for the love of GOD, stop telling kids who they are or are not supposed to be, or placing labels on themselves that they’re not ready to hand you. WE DONT OWE YOU A LABEL. QUEER PEOPLE OF ALL KINDS DO NOT OWE YOU A COMING OUT. Heteronormative society demands one, because to them, we are outliers, we are strangers, we must announce ourselves. Fuck that bullshit. We owe you NOTHING. Celebrities??? They owe you NOTHING. Believe what you want to believe, but stop pressuring people to reveal their private lives to you. They owe you NOTHING. And especially if that person is young, you have no idea how much damage you’re doing. Stop commenting on everything about how “queer coded” something is. It’s a person’s LIFE. It’s not a code to be cracked. You want to talk about that? Text your friend, tell your roommate, say it to upset your dad. But don’t go yell across the internet void at an impressionable human being (something we are at every age) that you “know their secret.” You’re making it harder. You’re making it worse. I’ve felt this way before, too. Sure of something, sure of representation I so desperately craved. And I still think maybe I’m right. But it’s not my place to yell at celebrities and anybody else I know about coming out, because that’s a deeply personal decision.

Watching an 18 year old who is giving the world perhaps the best onscreen bisexual representation I’ve ever seen get harassed into coming out to get a mob of prying, insensitive fans off his back was something that fueled my anger today. And the people who caused the problem are standing by it, some even saying he’ll be “fully out” by next year. Fuck you. Fuck every biphobic bone in your body. Leave kit alone, leave young adults alone, leave adults alone, stop forcing people to fit into your boxes so you can judge them accordingly. QUEER PEOPLE OWE YOU NOTHING. At 18, I hadn’t come out to anyone except my closest friends, who were also queer. Not my parents, not my siblings, and now, years later, still not to many other family members, friends, or coworkers. We are constantly talking about not knowing what we’re doing through the early years of adulthood, and yet you’re demanding that 18 year old kids have it all figured out, and on top of it, be okay and comfortable enough with all of it to announce it to the world, despite living in a world that still sees us as a secondary group and tells us we’re going to hell. Or that we’re liars. Or both. That’s fucked. Leave people alone.