#I am realizing I had a LOT of weird dreams thoughts fantasies even from a very young age lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yoongsisbae · 1 year

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10, 17, 18, 25, 26

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you? I think the reason the story exists in the first place is because on some level I was being haunted by the story. The character(s) is screaming at me to be heard, the story won't leave my thoughts until I write it down. It's happened with almost every single one of my stories. I will say Seokjin's Handshake particularly haunted me, as in when I dreamed about it I woke up sobbing and couldn't stop sobbing lol. Then when I finally wrote and edited the story I was in a moodTM for a long time 😅

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text. Let's do Run Run Run, cause that is what I am currently writing to cleanse myself of King of Corruption lol. I AM going to write some more flashback scenes on y/n's time before meeting back up with BTS, but a lot of it was condensed into only a few paragraphs and I don't know if I will ever add it to the story even though I know what happened lol. She did a lot of training at the airport, getting herself in shape, because she realized all the job skills she acquired before the apocalypse were utterly useless now. One of her top motivations to do this was to become someone who didn't need anyone to protect her. Why? She had made a friend at the airport, an airport worker who had been hiding, but she was eventually turned into a zombie saving y/n's life. She had come across and befriended a dozen or so workers/people still hiding in the airport, who all ended up getting bitten quite quickly leaving her all alone. Now as you can tell she has a bit of a complex from it. Also, with all her "training," she managed to completely clear out the airport of zombies and bury the bodies so if anyone decided to go to the airport it would be one of the few very safe and secure locations!

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

When it finally ends, you sigh, softly laughing.

“Well, I’ve never gotten that reaction before.” You wish you could tell him that was your first orgasm in months that you didn’t have to coax yourself. You almost forgot how good an orgasm like that could feel, how freeing.

Instead you look at him, a huge grin on your face and eyes sparking, admiring the man before you, happy it was Jungkook you found at the club and not a stranger.

No one has looked at him quite like that before, with starry-eyed reverence that makes everything feel so much more intimate, a deeper connection that he just isn’t used to.

THE FANTASY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HOSEOK'S STORY lmao what happened was a reader requested a Jungkook story, so I panicked and used this WIP for Jungkook instead since it was closet to being done, but c'mon now, tell me you don't see Hoseok all over this story? 😂😂 LOLOL and subsequently, I Thought You Were Mine? was supposed to be Jungkook's story 😂😂😂😂 but I think what happened was I noticed I had so many JK stories, so I switched it for Hoseok instead. Not that I don't think Hoseok is strong, but if anyone is hauling my ass up to the door frame, it's gonna be Jungkook 🤣🤣

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story? I will literally do everything and anything to mention the size of Jimin's fingers and I don't apologize for it 🥲🥲🥲🥲 and if it's not in the story, it's because it sure was there in the first place but I forced myself to edit it out lmao 😭😭

Jungkook’s long fingers reaching deeper than Jimin ever could.

Hoseok’s digits slippery and moving fast inside you, Jimin’s short fingers thrusting in hard, rocking you over Hoseok’s thighs.

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place? How do you dream? For me, when I dream, I feel like I am teleported into that dream persona, I've been a man, a child, an old person, a murderer, and with that I have had all their memories, feelings, viewpoints, and it felt so goddamn real I've woken up and cried over it. I think I am basically doing the same when I am writing these characters, just letting them take me over for a bit lol, its easy to get out of it because most of the time I don't agree with my characters at all, some of my characters I hate lmao. Both y/n and Hoseok's characters from Day Dream I dislike, but also I understand their viewpoints so deeply because I took the time to get in their heads that I will defend their actions to readers, even if I personally would never lol and you know what? Readers seem to love them so at the end of the day, I don't regret it even if it is mentally draining, because it makes my story better lol.

Weird Questions for Writers (because writers are weird)

#asks #ask game #i am in bed sick so if you wanna ask me some questions so i don’t feel so lonely and miserable 🥲💕💕

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imptwins · 1 year

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Upcoming Teasers!

Thought I’d give y’all a bit of a preview of upcoming stories from me. And you get longer ones than on Twitter, how exciting.

The Gift that Keeps On Giving This will hopefully be done by the weekend, since it’s meant to be for a weekend writing event lol. If not maybe I’ll do half now half later. It’s based on the theme of ‘gift giving’ so it’s a Krusielle-focused smut-comedy story involving Christmas dinner, stealthy sex toys, family hi-jinx, and a few mixed signals.

The Bad Kind of Scary “Noelle has finally admitted her immense crush on the new girl and is working up the nerve to actually ask her out. But Noelle is a Holiday. Her mother is the cut-throat fiscally conservative mayor, her father the man who knew how and where to apply pressure to both get and keep that seat for her, and she's inheriting their privilege but not the acumen that they used to seize it. She's a straight-A student who is used to people bending over for her because everyone local knows she's destined for something greater, a shoe-in for politics, maybe even the kind to outgrow her little town. She hasn't really processed just how 'kill or be killed' the world can be.

It’s fun to have fluffy fantasies about an abrasive bully with a hidden heart of gold ready to bloom at the first show of kindness, a misled soul who just needs to be saved by a noble heart. But it’s not exactly realistic. Noelle's about to learn that the hard way.“

A dead dove Suselle fic mostly focusing on noncon and drugging. The concept started with that ‘The Newest Girl’ blog post and I’m sprinting for the fences with the idea of Noelle trying to ‘fix’ Susie and biting off way more than she can chew. It’s about 50% done so far and honestly features what I think is some of my best-ever work, I’m already incredibly proud of it on a pure writing level. The imagery is kind of awesome and is a microcosm of all the lessons I’ve been trying to learn over the last year.

Under the Ice “A hound can be trained to hunt monsters in the stead of men, and no stains will find your skin. But as you file their teeth to knives and whisper on the tenderness of flesh, as you instruct that copper is a fine wine until life dripping from hot to cold down their chin is just as intoxicating, know that they will never hunger for any throat as they do yours.

For all of the horror, for all of the self-loathing, Kris at least had the guilty comfort that hosting the Soul made them relatively safe. How wrong they are. The Soul taught Noelle to grow stronger, to take what she wants, and now she has decided exactly what that is.”

Dead dove Kriselle fic, featuring noncon and like... Identity tragedy? It’s kind of a weird take on abuse cycles given the supernatural puppeteer element, as well as a little bit of venting about how bored I am of every Snowgrave smut fic being the same.

Echoes in the Distance The fic previously known as Zetarune. Once I’m done with the above this will be getting a huge from-the-top edit spree including a rename because I don’t like its current one. Chapter 1 will also be almost entirely removed though still available separately ‘cus I think it detracts from the narrative and my reasons for having it there were mostly insecurity. The rest of the story will be tightened up, especially lore wise, a couple retcons here and there, and hopefully I can impart a lot of the lessons I’ve recently learned to just up the general quality.

Once I actually pick it back up please look forward to me finally breaking the months-long-at-this-point cliffhanger of what happens when the Bunker is opened. You’ll get to see what I’ve been planning for over a year. =)

Castaway Angels “Ten years ago the Underground opened, the world found out about the existence of monsters and their forgotten history, and even at that young age you knew you couldn't stay away. Lured by the promise of a kinder and fairer society - and perhaps a mildly insensitive fascination - you realize your dream when you secure an enrolment in one of their colleges, sell everything you own, and jump on a boat. You arrive in Ebott City with a wreck of a car you bought in the port town, and little more than the clothes on your back.

But the monsters’ capital city is no paradise. Not for a human. With past generosities betrayed, the seeds of mistrust have long since been sown and outright hostility simmers just under the surface. There's so much in the culture and history and behind-the-curtain dealings that you just don't know. But you really hope you're a fast learner, because it turns out your roommate is a devastatingly hot resurrected Prince Emeritus turned fuckboy slash red flag incarnate and holy shit you are in so over your head.”

A collaboration between myself and Kimberly EAB. 2nd-person POV, Reader x Asriel, post-Undertale, slow-burn dead dove (now there’s a combo you don’t see too often huh?). Biggest kinks/themes on display will be dubcon, pain play, substance abuse/addiction, possessiveness, messed up power dynamics, my usual brand of hyperqueer xenophilia, and just a general case of I Can Fix Him syndrome.

#deltaruined #fanfiction #smut #castawayangels #echoesinthedistance #impfics

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memento-morri-writes · 2 years

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hey morri!! happy sts :) here are some questions for you: what's a favourite scene/line from your wip that you'd like to share? what are some things you've realised about your story as you're writing it? ooh, and, also, what got you into writing? why did you start writing? :D [@fiercely-raging-writer]

Oooh, these are really good questions!! Thank you so much!!

What are some thing you’ve realized about your story as you’re writing it?

I think I’ve realized that this story is a lot more person than I originally thought it was? Originally I thought that none of these characters are anything like me, and I have no experiece with any of what is happening (which is fine!!), but I started to realize that that’s not quite true.

Me and Fallon have the same major flaws (stubborness, loyal to a fault, don’t let people help us, etc.) Also, I have a very deep-rooted fear of people splitting up (abandonment??? idk), so the fact that Fallon’s parents are separated and also the betrayal aspect is probably subconciously related to that. I also had a very, very close friend turn on me and start bullying me in middle school, and so to some (much lesser degree) I know the feeling Fallon is experiencing after Lavinia’s betrayal.

And as I’ve mentioned before, I essentially realized that I call this a fantast story cause this is my fantasy. To be loved and understood and have someone who will never leave you no matter what. (and yet I’m at the very least demi-romantic if not aro, so who knows what that’s about.)

Also, not really a realization, but I’ve always said that I’m writing a romance I would actually want to read, cause I’m very, very picky about my romance plots.

What got you into writing? Why did you start?

I literally don’t even remember. I know that I taught myself to read, and by the time I was three I was reading road signs as we passed. I also know that I have always been very creative and liked making up stories. My sister and I always had very complicated plots for the toys we played with as children. Be it dinosaurs invading LegoVille, or an absurdly complicated magic vs non-magic political heirarchy for our toys, it was always really weird and complex.

I also remember hand writing 50-ish pages about the Titanic in 3rd grade. Didn’t even look anything up, just wrote it all down from memory. Now that I think about it, that was obviously a hyperfixation, lmao.

I think that I got into writing because I loved reading, and I wanted (and still want) to have someone who cares so much about my writing as I do about my favorite books. As I got older, the thought of people having fan theories and making analysis about my writing and asking me questions about it.... that was an irresistable dream. I always want to talk to people about my interests, but most importantly, I want to not have to force people to listen to me. And the best way to do that is have a published book. I don’t believe I will ever get published, largely because I am so bad at finishing WIPs, but it’s still a nice thought.

#sts #storyteller saturday #happy sts!#Morrigan replies #Jai 📖

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itsmeglendaloraine · 4 months

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Looking back to high school...

Recently I’ve been waking up from weird, random dreams. Mostly of my high school life. My classmates and teachers were there and we were talking in circles – the usual scene when we have vacant in between classes. My classmates and I talked about the shows on television and the little realizations of our lives so far. Oh, how little did we know!

My dreams were so vivid. It felt so real. I feel like I’m in that dream. Maybe I just miss the old days. High school to me seemed so simple back then and when I left town for college, I became a whole new person. I went to a university where I never knew anyone. I was totally an alien to the place. I met new people and it was a whole new life for me.

It’s been a while since I last visited my hometown. My family and I moved to another place two years ago so maybe this is just longing. The holidays were just over and I somehow missed the travel back home. When I get to pass the places I have memories with. That feeling of nostalgia.

Now that I dreamed of this, I came to think of my classmates if they felt the same. Have they thought also of me? Have I appeared in their dreams as well? Because to me, they have. Are we in the same boat?

The funny thing about every dream is that it ends with the boyfriend I had in high school. Maybe he impacted me so much that when I think of high school, I think of the boy who made me fall in love and then broke my heart. I never saw him for so long that is why it seems very strange why he is appearing in my dreams. Ah, the subconscious mind and its funny tricks!

Anyway, I was just reflecting so much this past week knowing that a new year has just started. I think these dreams are part of it. I was looking back on how far I’ve come and how I felt like it was so long ago when in fact, it really is. I’m almost at the age when I got to double my age when I graduated from high school. But to me, there still there. When I get to think of those days, I miss them a lot.

Oh, another funny thing in my dreams with the boy was that the scenarios were totally reversed from reality. He is nice to me. He smiles at me and talks gently. Back then, I was somehow walking on tiptoes because I’ll never know his mood and there was that fear and awkward feeling in me. Maybe I’m just very young and everything is a first for me. But one of the things he taught me is to learn to express my feelings when it’s needed and that it’s nice to be with someone whom I get excited to see every time. I look forward to class days and I even performed well academically.

I broke up with him two months before graduation and weeks later, he had a new girlfriend. And I was devastated. I was hoping he’d wait until graduation but nah, he moved on so easily. And I was just as broken and torn to many pieces it was hard for me to put the pieces back together. I just hoped a lot, planned a lot, and dreamed a lot for us but then they remained in fantasy land. But I’ll always be grateful. Everything turned out to be the best.

I wrote this to process my feelings and work on that reflection. I still don’t know what those dreams are telling me but I’m thankful it happened because I got to think of the time that I first dreamed. I dreamed of a better life and a better future and my teachers made me believe that I can do great things. I’m still a work in progress, but hey, I think I am living the dream.

This is dedicated to my high school classmates, thank you for all the memories and the time we got to spend together. I hope you are all doing well and pursuing your life’s ultimate goals and dreams.

To my teachers who made me hope and dream, I wish you continue to leave an impact on young minds. Thank you for the learnings you’ve taught me.

Lastly, to that boy, when I think of high school, I think of you. You introduced me to young love and I learned a lot from it. You impacted my life way more than I can ever imagine. I wish you well and the very best in whatever you do.

To all of high school, cheers to all the memories we shared and the life we used to have! I miss all of you and I hope to see you all around. Until then.

#high school #nostalgia #reflection #writers

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krs724490 · 6 months

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11.12.2023

continued from my voice memos because gabby came home. my chlidhood trauma was there. my mom wasn't around because she worked all the time. I had romanticized my sob story like the ones I had seen in the movies, telling people my mom wasn't around much.

I thought I was a bad kid. I felt my mimi much favored sophie and that I was the bratty one, the rule breaker. The one she didn't like.

In high school I was always on the fringes of the cool group. Looking back, I dont know that I minded too much being on the outs. That's one thing I'm not sure I've ever been too concerned about. If anything, I see being cool as having so much pressure to uphold that image. I would rather be lame. On the outs. The "cool" kids actually disgust me because they're trying too hard and that seems like a misuse of energy to me. I dont admire it.

ok topic switch. little break to go research future journaling.

its jarring to listen to podcasts about manifesting a relationship in your life. how much work people do. how much voodoo magic and want there is. and for me its never been hard. as fucked up as that sounds. I'd really like to know why I reach for relationships. Why am I a serial monogamist. Its so strange because I pride myself on being independent. I pride myself on not actually needing them. Men have always been my toys. I just want to feel desired, to have someone that admires me and the work I do on a more intimate level. Who can see the ins and outs of how truly positive and uplifting I am and can benefit from me as that energy source. It feels like I go into relationships not thinking at all. I go into a lot of things not thinking at all. I have trust in the universe to carry me and so why think? I'm constantly practicing that trust. Which I think overall is a good thing. but when I think about this thing with Graham. and how intentionally he came into it and how I kinda wandered in all la di da. Its like, I'm going to get out of it what I put into it. Did I even want a serious partner? Is this what I was looking for? am I ready? am I committing to a relationship out of the place of "it feels nice to have someone" or am I choosing it because from a deep place I am wanting to team up with someone? I dont need to repeat past behavior. Im exhausted at the thought of it. I'm already exhausted at the thought of having to untangle myself from him if needed. This all comes from hearing the way other people have gone in search of someone. Coming from a place of authenticity and strength and knowing. versus the way I stumbled into this blind - does that mean this can't be it? because I didn't do all the pre-requisites, does that mean this can't be it? my mind still looks for an answer when I know right now it is 50/50 both ways. It could be him, but there is also room for it to not be him. It feels like such a crucial time in the relationship. To be upfront. I think our next conversation will be telling. Its funny because every time we go deeper and deeper. and I've come up against the things that truly matter now. I dont know how he will receive them. I thought we had made it past big bumps, but of course now I realize what truly I need him to know. To even find a guy receptive to this feels amazing, Emily Murzyn would tell me I found the bare minimum. I like to feel guided. I'm usually the one doing the guiding.

I initially came here to get clear as to why I want a relationship. I want to give space to the energy of.. I dont need one. I dont feel I need one. I actually, would love to live out my little life in Golden, not having to factor anyone in. Not ever being uncomfortable. Being able to be selfish. I think my resistance to relationships comes from all the sacrifice I've made in the past for these boys that weren't it. I did it out of a weird place. I had a weird fantasy of wanting to be it for them. Wanting to be their dream girl. I loved feeling like their dream girl. So I bent for them. It was all a backwards way of stroking my own ego while simultaneously not staying true to myself because I was fitting a role - what would they have me be? a volleyball player? a weight lifter? would they think I was so cool if I was into the same movies as them? I suppose I always felt I could relate to them better if I was the same as them. I wanted them to think I was it, I was the world. So I pressured myself to become that. To take on what they liked. I'm not sure if other people have this issue to the degree that I do. with the hobbies and interests. I think its actually because I hold that expectation of my partner that I think they hold it of me. I have this belief that people who think like me are superior because they can see through the veil. They dont get caught up in human things. The joke is on me because I am one of the most caught people I know.. but in the past, I've pressured the people around me to think like I do, thinking I know the best way. When I really only have the best way for me, what sits right in my system. and my truth can be totally different than someone elses. that doesn't make their truth invalid. This is something to look at. Its funny because Graham thinks we are similar!! he said he thought we were similar on paper. from where I stand, I dont think so. but a huge part of me loves that he thinks that. I want him to think we float on the same wavelength because it ends positively for me in that way. He likes me! If the story he is telling himself is that we vibe, than that will become his reality and isn't that great for my ego who wants to catch all boys and make them mine. But I do think there are ways that we do vibe on the exact same, freakishly perfect frequency. and oddly these are the frequencies that may matter most when it comes to being in a relationship. its the openness, willingness, goofiness, amount of energy investment, kindness, patience, intentionality, mindfulness. Such key things we are so aligned in. That's whats making this work so well. and if we keep leaning into that I genuinely think we could be unstoppable. alright lets come full circle. do I want a relationship? what am I doing here? what is my intention? through all of this babble this is what I've deduced: I wouldnt have made it this far if it wasn't him. Or maybe I would have, but like with Colt, I wouldn't be taking it seriously. I would know it wasn't him deep down but still just be messing around for fun.. but instead of any of these scenarios, I am genuinely, fully trying my best to show up authentically, softly, openly with every cell of my body. I wouldn't want a relationship if it wasn't him. I would be better off alone if this wasn't going in the direction its been going. The reason why I'm even sitting here writing this is because it is a possibility. I have grown to the point where I'm only accepting authenticity in my life, now that I have a better idea of what that looks like for me. Honestly, Graham has taught me what that authenticity can look and feel like. He modeled it for me. He has brought the best out of me. He has forced me to get uncomfortable and face the truth of myself in the most productive, rewarding way. and he doesn't even know it. hes forced me to look at what I truly want and he has forced me to present it to him. and this energy is all moving self-so. There is not force present, this is the way its bubbling up for both of us. and so we let is bubble.

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starlightrosari · 9 months

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I never knew I had dysphoria growing up, even though I spent so much of my upbringing hating how I looked. There was nothing wrong with the way I looked, I even looked pretty and cute, sure I was tiny, but guys liked small girls. The problem was inside I felt like a boy, and if I was small for a girl I felt tiny for a guy. I dreamed of being androgynous and tall, for my shoulders and arms to not be so skinny, and for my legs to be pencil shaped without such large thighs. I wanted my face to be sharp and angular, but instead it was round and baby-like, and I always looked a few years younger than I actually was. I thought I could never be a boy, so I let go of the fantasy. I let myself believe through social conditioning of my girl upbringing that how I felt was because I didn’t mature enough into a woman. I started thinking maybe I just needed to be more feminine. At the time I was watching a lot of trans women YouTubers, for some reason I was fascinated by them, and I began shaping my view of femininity and gender around them. I thought because I’m so hairy from my ethnicity, maybe that was what bothered me, and maybe from being so small, I wasn’t feeling euphoric about the way clothes fit me, so I tried getting clothes that would highlight my womanly curves and shaving in entirety. Those were the main things that made trans women dysphoric, and it was something I could relate to. I didn’t like how different I felt from everyone else, and at first it was nice being more feminine because I got more attention from everyone and didn’t get weird stares anymore. But it didn’t feel like me, and it didn’t fix the problems I felt. I still felt like I was different than everyone else, and I was starting to think in the back of my mind that maybe I was trans, something which I’d always think about but never knew I could be. I still repressed the thought a lot, thinking I should just be happy because I was finally starting to present in an aesthetic that made me happy. As time went on I started questioning my sexuality that I always knew to be some form of gay. I thought maybe I was lesbian, and it opened up a lot of gender feelings I had long repressed. I remembered wishing I could dress boyish, and feeling hopeless like I could never find clothes to fit me or I wouldn’t suit the style. I finally let that go for the sake of exploration and I was so happy! People were finally noticing my boyishness, sometimes even commenting on how strong and brave I am, or calling me dapper. I didn’t feel like I was any of those things, but it felt so good after hearing compliments of how beautiful and cute I was my whole life, which always felt uncomfortable. I still wasn’t dressing entirely boyish, but I had my oversized sweatshirts, hoodies, denim jackets, and beanies, and I felt the most myself I had ever been. Still, lesbian didn’t feel right. For one, I just wasn’t sure that matched my sexuality, and two, it felt odd identifying with the one thing that always made me uncomfortable, being a girl. I always tried to fit into that label because I was supposed to, but I eventually realized I couldn’t because I didn’t connect with girls in the way I did with guys and being called a girl, lady, or sister made me incredibly uncomfortable. I finally realized that the body struggles I had and the social struggles I had were all gender dysphoria, and yet I still thought for a long time that I was too feminine to fit under the trans umbrella. What I realized is that my femininity is conditioned to me. I wouldn’t be feminine if I knew there were other options for me. Femininity is all I’ve known growing up, despite always feeling like a boy, because I didn’t grow up into a pretty girl. I always felt ugly and tiny, unable to fit clothes, and I learned that masculine styles make me feel bad about myself, but it wasn’t for the reason I thought. It was because I couldn’t fit into masculine style the way I did feminine, and I still looked like a girl and that made me dysphoric. I’m nonbinary and now I dress androgynous, but I want to look like a boy really.

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jovyjovss · 11 months

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Who You Are Matters

By Jova T.

Disclaimer: The photo shown above is not mine, credits to the rightful owner.

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When I was young, I dreamed of mermaids, fairies, and magic. I had imagined that life would be all sparkles and shining diamonds. I dreamed of all the silly things a young girl would want to have, like lots of toys, Barbie dolls, and cute things. When I was young, I was always brought into another world, another dimension, where all my fantasies came true. When I was young, I was a pure dreamer. One that could dream of lots of things, thinking that they would really happen. Thinking that even the impossible, or even fairytales, could be real. I was once a typical young girl that had her own world and her own fantasies.

All I could think of was playing Barbie dolls, watching Barbie movies, and reenacting the Barbie scenes in real life. I think every girl has experienced this point in their lives where they were really addicted to Barbie movies to the point that they could memorize the lines of what the characters were going to say and that each scene in the movie you already knew what happened because you watched the movie so many times. It’s like never getting tired of how many times the movie is replayed and just enjoying the pleasure that comes out of it.

I was so naive, pure, and innocent back then that I couldn’t think of other things and thought that I had nothing to worry about. I watched Barbie movies every day and even asked my mom to buy me CDs if there was another release of a new movie. There wasn’t a day that our CD player wasn’t used. Even the backs of the CDs are scraped from repeated usage. It was pure happiness and pleasure back then. When we are young, we are free of the worries of the real world and immersed in our own world, knowing the problems that will arise and that we’ll face later on. I was in a world of my own. Every corner in our house is a different location for where I enact my favorite Barbie scenes.

Even if it’s not a scene from a movie, I just blabber some words and go on with my "acting" as if it’s a different world. I really loved acting back then. I even had a few friends join my little gimmick. They said no at first because they thought that it was really weird, but they were eventually left with no choice because I really encouraged them to. Thinking back then, I was grateful that I had a few friends who wanted to play with me because I was a shy and introverted girl until then and now. I’m already happy that I made a few friends who are real and respectful of the things that I like, rather than having a lot of friends but who don’t see you for who you are.

I even thought that mermaids were real in real life or that they were somewhere out there. I had a lot of different scenarios going through my head, causing me to daydream even in different places. I always like to imagine, because imagining feels good and makes you think of different things that could be possible. "What if this kind of thing turned out in the end?" It just makes you wonder about the what-ifs and other possibilities that could happen. Because anything can happen, and we can’t be too sure of what’s happening now.

But growing up, I think I unconsciously lost that side of myself, where I just enjoyed being me without having to worry what others might think or have to say about me.When I realized that I somehow stopped doing those things anymore or being the child I was, I realized that I had already grown up and that it was time for me to face greater things and focus on my priorities. I am no longer the child I once was. I am now a teenager, and I will become an adult who will face greater heights and responsibilities in life. When we grow up, we realize that there is a difference and a huge gap from who we were back then because we are now exposed to different environments and people that caused us to change.

We learned that life isn’t all butterflies and rainbows or fairy tales and magic. We learned that there is also pain and suffering. The reality is that we have been hidden for so long that we have been unaware for the longest time. It made us realize different kinds of things and how things really work.

You could say it’s natural, but it's really not. When we grow up, it’s only natural that we lessen that side of us because life isn’t all about games and fun. We’re already tossed onto the other side of the coin, the other side where reality presents itself, and it’s time for us to get serious. But losing that side is not natural; we can lessen it but not lose it. And I think that’s what we’re all forgetting. We’re all so focused on the results and consequences that will result from our actions that we forget that it’s alright to loosen up a little and enjoy the little things that this world has to offer.

So that is why, even if I only have a little time to spare, I decided to still engage with my inner child and reminisce about the way I act like I’m the main character of a movie, how I engage myself to reenact the scenes from my favorite shows, and how I sometimes casually speak some random lines with an accent. No matter how childish it may look or sound, I still love doing silly things, and that's okay. Even if it’s not the same as before, I realized that what’s important is not losing that part of you that brings you simple joy and happiness. To not lose your inner child, to not lose yourself, to not lose who you are, and to do the things that you simply love amidst the worries or problems that may arise, even if things don’t turn out well the way you planned them to.

Even now, I still have my own world, and I am still in my own world. Even if I am unsure of what the future holds and the events that await me.

When we wake up to the realization of reality, somehow we lose this innocent and pure side of us because we don’t want to allow ourselves to be a target of vulnerability or to show a hint of weakness. Because in this world and day, we are always needed to be "strong," even though it doesn’t seem to always be the case. "Things don’t always go the way you want them to". I always hear this quote in the movies or in people’s sayings in general. I also have this favorite line of mine from Ben&Ben’s song “All will be alright in time”. Even if things don’t turn out the way we want them to, it’s fine and okay because things will be better for us soon. It will happen because bad things don’t remain bad. Good things will probably come, and all it needs is faith, the effort and determination that we want to show how we actually want things to be.

#creative nonfiction #story #literature

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junow-honours · 1 year

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25.02.23

Brainstorming ideas and concepts, I came up with the three following concepts which are going to be the backbone of my research this year.

1) Illusion of safety 2) Branding as identity 3) Where fiction meets reality 4) Instant gratification

I will explain these in further detail:

Where fiction meets reality:

I was thinking about this for a long time and struggling to explain it in words, originally I classified it as “The videogame phenomenon,” which was solely to give a title to a personal realization, and resulting experience, that I had.

I’m sure that there is a psychological explanation for what I have experienced but it also feels very abstract as an idea, and probably subjective to different people. It describes the out-of-body feeling you experience after engaging in video-game activity for long periods of time, it also applies to tv shows (after Netflix binges), and even after reading a book (but I would argue that it is intensified when consuming visual digital content.) It describes the slippage of videogame territory into the existing, real world, where your brain hasn’t fully comprehended where it is. Almost like you are waking from a dream, but you are not, because playing a videogame is far from dreaming. It is the shift (or regain of your senses) from where you’ve been mentally existing within your screen world, to the existing world, you need time to mentally tap back into your body to be able to properly exist and navigate the real world.

I experience this after watching Youtubers play videogames for a considerable amount of time. Once I sit up, I feel dazed. When I put my shoes on and tie my laces I don’t feel like I have agency over my actions. My body feels numb and it feels like my actions have already been predetermined. I’m not thinking or focusing on tying my shoelaces, but somehow I am doing so with my fingers, which feel detached from my body. I feel as if I have become an NPC and someone is above me, controlling my actions by clicking on their screen. In moments like this, you also feel vaguely invincible, if a videogame character can run through a wall, then I can too. If a videogame character has 5 lives, then don’t I too? Maybe this is a completely different phenomenon that I am experiencing, this is often how you feel after being lazy for a long time, but the connection between this feeling and the media you consumed prior (videogame, tv show etc) has a significant impact on your thoughts during these moments.

And perhaps I haven’t even felt the full extent of this, because I don’t play videogames, I am only watching someone else playing it. Maybe this is what parents are concerned about when they believe their children can’t decipher the difference between reality and shooting videogames.

Bear in mind that everything I just wrote is only my first moment of realization, that acts as the backbone for my concept and thoughts around where fiction meets reality.

It made me realize that both fiction and reality can coexist, that fictitious scenarios are entirely possible in reality. This was a weird realization for me, because I consider myself very logical, “the real world is predictable and will happen like this” (maybe this is a social construct, you study, you work, you spend money, that is it) and “fiction and escapism are only present in books, tv shows, in videogames, fantasy can only exist in a constructed world.” This made me increasingly aware that reality isn’t always predictable, that you can experience escapism in real life, and ‘unreal’ things exist and happen a lot, there are physical pleasures that act as doorways into alternate worlds (alcohol, drugs, consumerism, media).

Now this idea, fiction can exist in reality, can be both positive (elevated by the internet and social media), and negative (link to safety being an illusion, life being unpredictable and dangerous). I’ll explain each side.

Positive:

This makes you more aware that you have agency. If you imagine yourself as a ‘character’, then all these associations of choosing pathways, completing tasks, dressing yourself to create a specific image, prioritizing certain pathways.. etc. This can be beneficial, inspiring, motivating

Following the above point, you can view yourself as tangible, you can construct yourself to be who you want to be. Dress how you want, adopt new hobbies/ personalities, copy/ imitate (fake it till you make it). Although this can be a negative thing, it still promotes instant gratification, which might instantly gratify you throughout your full lifespan.

For the point above, social media also elevates this, constructed identities can be praised or worshipped on social media. Idol worship. Fan bases for your superego identity.

Negative:

Understanding that fiction can exist in reality can be a frightening realization. Some of the most unimaginable, horrific, unreal situations occur everyday. Snuff films and gore videos are prime examples of this, it was an unwelcome and horrifying reminder that humans are capable of both committing, and enduring, acts of torture (not just physical) that you couldn’t even imagine happening, or would think are only shown in horror films.

Makes you aware that you don’t exist in a bubble, the world isn’t safe. Not everyone is kind, and being kind doesn’t protect you from hate and violence. It is as simple as being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

#concepts #term one #research #notes #theory #terms #key moment

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shel0vesme · 1 year

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sometimes im so scared of growing up, and i think im getting older and i will miss out on a lot of things, and time is just running by and i wont be the sweet girl that was 16 and could do everything she wanted.

but was it real tho? or is it just this idea that the younger i am the most adjustable i am for mens brain and their fantasies, because while movies, books and tv shows have brainwashed me into thinking i want to be the manix pixie dream girl, manix pixie dream girl does not exist outside the boys world. its juts pure inspiration for his own story but thats all. the moment the manic pixie dream girl takes her bags and gets ready to live her dream, the movie is over. and we never really saw her doing what she always wanted, because her job is over, she has officially turned the boy into a man and into a better person, and he will write him songs and think about her when hes drunk, but he will never call her, he will never asked her how shes doing or whats her favorite color.

and its fun being the manic pixie dream girl, but its exhstausting and escpecially when thats the only world you know, when the boy has finished using you, your heart will get shattered, as for a moment you thought you could get your own storyline.

boys have written songs about me, they have made movies with my name in between the lines and with characters saying words i once said to them. boys will look me to the eyes and say to me ‘i love you’ without even knowing my real name.

whats so scary about growing up? i have done all of these things and realized i dont like them. this lifestyile is being the side chick, the inspiration, the fun gir, the party, but ypu never get hpme with the girl, and you never even tried. you leave right before she starts becoming a real person and leaving the idea you had of her.

i an not scared of growing up. i am scared of no longer fitting mens fanstasies. mens weird and disturbing fntasies that had lead me throught dark rabbit holes, when in reality i just needed a hug.

i am finally living my own storyline, becoming me. no longer disposable for these fanstasies and thats what hurts. leaving this part of me i held on to for so long and for so long i’ve made my only way of living.

it was fun, but i cannot live forever like this. and i will return from time to time but its different now. i am now the character. and i will be inspiration from now an then but the movie is focused on me now.

youre not getting rotten, youre not gonna be disposable or replacebale, dont let them give you that power. you have the power, at the end, boy doesnt turn into man without girl.

wow fuck i really had things to say

#digital diary

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heyhihellowhatsup0 · 3 years

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Hooked On Your Feelings - Chapter One (FWB! Tom Holland x Reader)

Prologue

Warnings: Some angst, language, eventual smut in future chapters, fluff

Word Count: 4155

Summary: After a bad breakup, making an agreement with your womanizing neighbor, Tom to be friends with added benefits and no strings attached seemed like the perfect idea. Until things become messy, emotions caused your agreement to crumble.

A/N: I have been dying to post more so the day is finally here! I am so happy everyone has given my such amazing and sweet feedback! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Needless to say, this chapter does have smut! DM me to be tagged and I cannot wait to hear everyone’s thoughts! (Also .gif is not mine. DM me for credit please, I found on google!) Thank you xx -N

You woke up the next morning with your head pounding while the sun hit your eyes as you opened them. Turning on your back you let out a sigh once you realized where you were. The same bed you figured you would be in even though you were hoping it was all a dream and what had happened didn’t actually take place.

Remaining underneath Tom’s dark and satin sheets since you knew you had nothing on, you pivoted your head upward and saw his eyes opened and staring up at the ceiling. Clearly, neither one of you had any idea how to address what the hell happened between the two of you last night and you certainly weren’t going to be the one to initiate.

Tom licked his lips as he adjusted himself from under the covers. Did he really just sleep with you? Sure, he thought about having that moment with you. Countless times, actually. It was no secret you were breathtakingly beautiful and he always had that fantasy about you. But you were always dating that idiot for whatever reason and Tom always thought you were never into him in that way.

None of it was planned, of course. It just happened. One minute, you were both drinking and just simply there next to each other. The next, Tom and you were stumbling into his bedroom. Laughing in between kisses as you removed one another’s clothes and experiencing what was probably some of the best sex he’d ever had. His entire body was vibrating still from how he had felt and he never in a million years would have even thought you were the least bit interested in him like that. Then again, you were both clearly going through some really weird stuff last night.

You were both vulnerable and feeling things you didn’t want to admit to other people but for some reason, Tom was alright with admitting it to you and you both found a way to get rid of the feeling, even if it was temporary. He didn’t want you to regret it, because he sure as hell didn’t. He certainly wasn’t expecting any of that with you but it was a hell of a night and he was far from complaining about it. He was just worried you regretted it.

A lot could be said in your silence with Tom as you lay there, the both of you now staring up at the ceiling and neither of you were speaking. You couldn’t help but feel a little awkward while you tried to figure out what to say. Do you just thank him for the night and leave? Should you just say you had work and grab your clothes or just maybe not say anything at all? The silence was killing you for a variety of reasons and you were still trying to rack your brain trying to figure out why you initiated the first kiss to begin with. You weren’t drunk at all but for some reason you just wanted it. You wanted him. And in that moment last night, you were glad he wanted you too.

Tom cleared his throat, the stillness between you both was causing a rise in his anxiousness, “Well...we had sex last night,” he stated the obvious as plainly as possible. Maybe he should have just kept his mouth shut.

“Yeah,” you answered in an obvious tone. You held back from your laughter as you pushed your hair out of your face, “I should probably go,” you told him as you tried to cover yourself up with the sheets even though you already knew Tom saw you naked last night. There were no more secrets between you both. Clearly.

Tom sat up from the bed and began looking for his sweatpants to throw on before he started to help you find your clothes across the bedroom floor. He handed you your t-shirt as he politely turned away while you changed, “Do you want coffee or something?” he offered, something he would never offer another girl who stayed the night.

Offering any girl any type of breakfast or anything of the sort automatically made them believe Tom wanted them to stay longer. To go out on a date or to get a phone call from him later. Commitment. So he always avoided it and usually had you kick them out if they couldn’t get the hint. But obviously you were different being that you were a friend who he just so happened to sleep with. He was grateful you were there with him and he’d never dismiss you as quickly. He cared about you in the same ways you cared about him. Neighborly love. Who he happened to be attracted to and vice versa.

“Nah, I’m okay. I have some back at my place,” you answered casually as you grabbed your leggings as Tom handed you one of your shoes, “Thanks,” you said to him with a small smile as you tried not to act like you were rushing out of there.

You tried to make yourself presentable as Tom began to walk you out of the bedroom, unsure if he should thank you for the night or not. You turned to him with a sarcastic smile and pointed towards your messy waves, “Wow, I guess this officially makes me a notch on your belt, huh?” you tried to joke to make it less weird between you two.

“For the record, you are not a notch or anything like that, Y/N,” Tom said sternly to make sure you knew that last night was actually a night he didn’t regret at all, “I uh...actually had a pretty good time,” he felt his cheeks tinge a hint of pink as he admitted that to you. Another thing he knew to never say to a girl he brought home. Ever.

Making a face at him, you breathed out a small laugh while you nodded your head in agreement, “Yeah, I did too,” you told him honestly.

The two of you just stood in the kitchen by Tom’s door for a minute. Waiting for the other person to say something but neither of you did. You rocked back and forth on your heels as Tom slid his hands into his pockets, “This isn't weird, is it?” you questioned in a light tone.

“What? No!?” Tom chuckled nervously. He crossed his arms in front of his chest in an attempt to be nonchalant while the elephant of the deed you two had done remained between you both, “Wh-why-why would it be weird?” he stammered.

Leaning in a bit closer towards him, you narrowed your eyes in on Tom, “We had sex,” you whispered as if somebody else was in the room and could overhear your entire conversation.

Tom copied your motion and leaned in in the exact same way, “I don’t think it’s a secret now,” he teased you with a playful smirk, making you laugh as he pulled away. He gave you a nudge against your shoulder, “It’s only weird if we make it weird, right?” he reminded himself.

Lots of friends sleep together and continue to be friends. This was nothing out of the ordinary. Besides, you were more neighborly than friends. So it was a completely different situation than what typical friends had dealt with in the past. Tom was right, you reminded yourself.

“No weirdness on my end,” you told him with a smile as you held out your palm as if you were swearing in a courtroom, “Promise,” you added with a playful wink.

Tom smiled back, leaning forward to get the door for you but you accidentally mistook his gesture for a hug and wrapped your arm around his neck. You cussed under your breath at your embarrassingly stupid moment while you apologized profusely to Tom as he tried to save the awkwardness by giving you a half-assed hug in return. You tried to hide the wincing your eyes were making from the hug but you knew he noticed. Of course he noticed.

Looking down at the floor because you were now too embarrassed to look in his direction, you said your goodbyes as Tom promised to swing by this week with his usual pizza while you began walking faster towards your apartment. But you didn’t want Tom to think you were that flustered by your interactions that you quite literally ran away to hide out.

You finally got inside your door and realized everything remained untouched since you had kicked Justin out last night. The bottle of wine was still open and sitting on the counter, the television was still on in the living room and there were still a bunch of clothes he had left behind that you needed to desperately get rid of.

Everything in your apartment remained frozen in time while you felt like you jumped lightyears ahead of it from your one night spent with Tom. It was a strange feeling as you walked over to turn the television off but you didn’t feel angry like you had felt last night. You weren’t exactly over the events that took place with Justin but you were on the path to accepting it and you weren’t sure if Tom had something to do with it or not.

There was no denying that you were still hurting from everything. It was still a fresh wound and you had felt so betrayed from it all, you weren’t sure how you would bounce back from it or if you even would. You never dealt with a breakup as ugly as this one so it was a new feeling for you that you were still trying to wrap your head around.

And even though when you were with Tom for the brief time that you were, it felt like it was almost exactly what you needed last night. You didn’t hold back from him and you were comfortable enough around Tom telling him exactly what you needed. Letting your frustrations and anger out on him and Tom letting his feelings out on you led to an explosion between the two of you that surprisingly left you possibly wanting more.

Wanting more from Tom.

Changing into a fresh outfit from last night, you continued to replay the night over and over again in your mind. It was unexpected to say the least, but not in a bad way. Not by any means. If you thought it was bad or awkward, you probably wouldn’t be standing in front of your closet still thinking about the things Tom made you feel.

He made you forget about the drama, if even for one night. But he still managed to make you think that you didn’t need Justin anymore. Maybe you didn’t need anyone right now other than a simple fix here and there to make you feel good. Maybe something without any strings attached was what you needed right now in order to move on and numb your pain for a bit.

You knew Tom was dealing with his own commitment issues and neither one of you were looking for anything complicated. It may not be the best idea in the world to be thinking about something like this but clearly neither one of you knew how to be alone at the moment. You didn’t really want to be fully alone anyway, and you were both comfortable enough with each other where you could be honest about this stuff. Maybe Tom was right, there shouldn’t be any weirdness between you.

Maybe some great sex and not an ounce of attachment was the elixir to the chaos Justin caused for you. No formalities. No planned out, stuffy dates. No mingling with friends and their significant others. No justin. And certainly no types of feelings that would get you in a mess you clearly weren’t looking for right now.

Just good fucking sex. And...it didn’t hurt that your neighbor might be looking for the same type of thing that you were. At least you had hoped.

And when the thoughts and memories and god, downright blissful remembrances of his touch kept invading your mind, just standing there in your apartment thinking about it wasn’t enough. The anxiousness vibrated through your body and you knew what you might be needing from down the hall.

You pulled on a new t-shirt before grabbing your keys. You had never done anything like this before, what if Tom said no? Maybe it should just remain a one time thing between the two of you. Your nerves were attacking you relentlessly as you locked your door, slipping your key ring around your finger and securing it tightly.

But if Tom could do things like this, what was stopping you? The pure rush of anxiety and adrenaline...but it was stupidly guiding you right back to his door. This was insane. Completely stupid. He’d never agree to this.

Your mind was telling you to turn around and go back home. But that side of you that you never let come out was saying ‘fuck it. Have some fun for once. You’ve been through enough heartbreak and this is something for you.

The safe way got you hurt. More than once. And as you lifted your hand to tap your knuckles against the door, you knew you were done playing it smart.

Barely getting through the first knock, the door swung open. You let out a yelp as you practically hit Tom in the face while he almost walked right into you. The two of you running into each other as your bodies slightly crashed into one another.

“Oh shit!” Tom exclaimed as he pulled back with an awkward laugh. He ran a hand through his still messy curls, “I was actually on my way to see you,” he admitted, pressing his lips together as he looked at you in the doorframe.

You reached up and crashed your lips against Tom’s without warning, “Let’s make a deal,” you told him through your hungry kiss as you began to feel Tom start to kiss you back. He moaned into you as he captured your top lip in between his.

“W-what?” Tom mumbled against your lips once again, bringing you inside of his place as he kicked the door shut. He was surprised this was happening so suddenly. Especially since he was just about to be on his way over to your place to ask you for just about the same thing. He knew it didn’t feel right when you left this morning and it was because he wanted to feel this way again. With you.

“I can still help with your horrible conquests but...in the meantime, we make up for our shit love lives with damn good sex,” you explained while catching your breath from your last kiss. You stood in the living room with Tom’s hands resting on your hips with lust for you in his eyes.

He pulled back from his embrace with a quirked brow, “You’re serious,” he noted as he smirked at you. He was honestly surprised considering he never saw this side to you. You were always with the same guy for as long as you lived here. It was strange and new to him to see you wanting something that he did.

“No strings attached, of course,” you added. The words sounded ridiculous but you ignored that thought.

“I...christ, Y/N. I can’t say I haven’t thought about having endless mindblowing sex with you,” he said as his eyes rolled over you.

“Mindblowing?” you chuckled, “Someone’s cocky,” you teased.

“Rude. But back to the point...are you sure about this?” Tom got serious. His focus on you as he stepped back to give you some space. He didn’t want to be overbearing or act like he was trying to just get you back in bed. Even though that was basically what he was doing regardless of the situation.

The bottom line was, he had an amazing time with you. And unlike the random girls he brought home, you knew him. There was an understanding between you and him that he knew you got. And he could be open with you by saying he didn’t want anything serious. He wouldn’t need to find a way to get rid of you in the morning. He could distract himself from the nonsense he would think about while ravishing you in the process. It was the perfect idea.

You took a moment. Wondering again if you were just crazy to suggest this. But the way his brown eyes were studying you, it just felt right.

“I’m sure if you are,” you finally answered.

Tom was silent but it didn’t take him long to make his mind up. Taking a few steps forward, he picked you up in one swift motion and brought you over towards the couch where you straddled his hips before going in for another kiss. His hand was already slipping underneath your shirt and up your back as he helped you remove it along with his, tossing it towards the empty side of the couch you weren’t using.

Helping you out of your leggings, you found your way back towards Tom’s lap and grinded your hips against him in between your kisses. The cravings you both shared for one another grew wilder as you continued, “We’re really doing this?” you muttered against his lips with another gasp as you helped release him out of his already bulging boxers.

“Think so,” Tom laughed against your skin, trailing his lips down to your neck as he pushed your hair to one side, “Unless you want to stop?” he pulled back for a minute, not wanting to overstep if you were having second thoughts.

Biting your bottom lip, your hand went down to Tom’s hardened length and ran along it. Rubbing the pre-cum seeping from his tip as you watched Tom throw his head back against the couch with a low moan, “Does it look like I want to stop?” you asked him with a playful grin.

“Fuck, Y/N…” Tom hissed as his hands gripped your sides to release some of his frustration. He breathed out a laugh as his fingers went to your clit, beginning to circle you slowly, “Let me give you what you came here for. Hm, darling?” his voice grew raspy as he looked you in the eye, his pupils black the longer he waited.

Your eyes went down towards Tom’s waist, gasping as you watched him begin to tease your entrance with his tip. Cussing under your breath, you grabbed onto his shoulders tightly as you braced yourself for his impact. Tom pressed his hand against the small of your back as he waited for you to let him know it was okay. You nodded your head silently as you gave him an amorous look, “I want you, Tom,” you whispered lowly.

That was all it took before Tom guided himself into you. Going slow as he took his time to let you get used to him while you clenched around him. You lowered yourself deeper as he filled your core up entirely while you began to roll your hips against his slowly, letting out a moan as Tom hissed against your ear while twitching inside of you.

“Mmm, Y/N,” Tom breathed out a moan as he matched his thrusts with yours. His lips parted, moaning against your neck while he pressed open, sloppy kisses against your skin as he continued to rub your clit with his opposite hand, “You feel so fucking wet,” he praised you breathlessly.

“Keep touching me, Tom,” you cried out to him while you started to ride him faster. Even though you and Tom had just started these escapades, you certainly felt comfortable enough to tell him exactly what you wanted to make you feel good. Pressing the pad of his thumb against your swollen bud, your eyes clenched shut while you pushed yourself deeper into him, “Shit! Yes, right there,” you reassured him with another moan.

Guiding you down on his cock, Tom felt his entire body tense as soon as his lips met yours once again. His breaths getting heavy like yours as your name fell from his lips while he watched you bounce up and down on him, making him feel absolutely incredible as you continued to moan in his ear.

You felt your body beginning to tense as you kept going. Everything inside of you was aching for a release and Tom was giving it to you without a doubt. Rocking your hips into him more, you knew you were getting closer to your edge and you could feel Tom about to release as well.

Opening your eyes, you cupped Tom’s face with your palms and gave him one last fiery kiss. Your tongues finding each other wildly and tangled up before you both finally reached your highs together as you whimpered Tom’s name while you finally let go for him.

Tom cussed as he unraveled from beneath you. His body writhing while he watched you bury your face into the crook of his neck, muffling the sound of your moans against him. The vibrations from your sounds set him off further while he continued to reach his bliss, still thrusting into you while you rode out your tremor together.

“Holy….” Tom trailed off with a heavy breath, finally slowing down while his back hit the couch as he tried to pull himself together. He saw you pull your face away from his body, giving him the same exact look that he knew he had on his face, “Umm...yeah, holy fuck?” he laughed.

“That just about covers it,” you agreed as you kissed his cheek with a smile. You pushed Tom’s now damp and sweaty curls out of his face to capture his lips while you brought him closer to you, “So we have a deal?” you confirmed as Tom kissed you back.

Tom chuckled as his hands fell to your sides, his thumb creating small circles against you while he pursed his lips, “You’re really serious about this? No strings? No titles? Just like...just sex?” he clarified, still trying to wrap his head around you asking for this. It felt like a godsend and that it was too good to be true. Why couldn’t more girls be like you?

Tucking a loose strand of your hair behind your ear, Tom’s eyes went from your eyes, to your lips, and back as he sat there admiring you looking this way. You looked so effortlessly beautiful to him and even just as a friend, he was lucky to have you in his life. But now that he had you in other ways, you felt almost intoxicating to him. He couldn’t understand why that piece of garbage cheated on you. Tom had done some shady things to girls in the past and he didn’t see himself in ways others might but he knew he would have never done what that guy did.

You nodded as you turned your head to the side, “Do we have a deal, Tom?” you asked again, raising your eyebrow at him.

“Justin really did a number on you, huh?” Tom teased with a chuckle.

“We’re not talking about him,” you shushed Tom. Pressing your palm against his chest, you gave him a stern expression, “No talk about exes or...your conquests. We do this,” you gestured towards you straddling his legs before looking back at him, “Whenever we...feel like it. I guess,” even you weren’t sure of the rules but you figured you could make them your own anyway.

There was a pause as you quickly felt like you should add more, “We’re friends. Nothing more, nothing less,” you told him, wanting to be clear of at least one title throughout this whole pact the two of you were about to agree to, “Friends who...happen to jump each other’s bones?” you stated despite it sounding like a question.

Tom chuckled at your timid expression. His hands still at your sides as he leaned up and captured your lips again. “Deal.”

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#tom holland #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland smut #tom holland x y/n #heyhihellowhatsup0 #HOYF

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alreadyblondenow · 3 years

Text

Whenever the sun is hiding

“And I wish that she’s you. If we have met a little bit sooner I’d marry you. Why can’t it be you?”

Pairing: General!Kun x warrior!female reader, Mulan AU, enemies to lovers Genre: SMUT, FLUFF, angst? WC: 3,750k Warnings: this story is so asian because it is a Mulan AU, this is a time where women are allowed to be warriors, mentions of heavy training bc they’re warriors, cheating but... youll get it once you read it, unprotected sex, mentions of fingering, mentions of Kun fantasizing about the reader fucking him, fingering, a lot of kisses, slight exhibitionism, mentions of other idols A/N: NOT PROOFREAD. I’ll fix it once I have time. I just watched the new Mulan movie, (yes the one that was boycotted) and it was amazing. To the one who requested this... I’m sorry if you’re not asian, :( but I hope you still read and love this.

Under the scorching sun in the middle of summer, warriors are trained to be prepared of what lies ahead. The power of the enemy is quickly growing by every second and the young warriors of China, and it’s very young, new and ambitious general is not going to slack off until his nation is safe.

That is why he is very hard and strict with how he teaches the warriors assigned to him. So strict that every woman in his battalion went home after the first few days of training. Except you.

It is your incredible will and perseverance to bring honor to your family that’s making you stay and helping you go through each hard training everyday. And who would have thought that your perseverance and driven soul will make general Qian Kun hate you to the core.

But that’s not the only reason why he hates you.

One beautiful night after your night duty when you thought everyone was asleep, you took a bath on the river and enjoyed your time alone. Releasing your feminine side by smiling while watching the moon, catching flowers that fell on water and tuck one behind your ears. You were beautiful, the general thought.

So beautiful that he almost did not realized that he was peeking now and accidentally saw your breasts the moment you went out of water. He then quickly hid behind a big rock, careful not to make a sound and careful not to be caught. That night, he touched himself while thinking about you.

And that is why general Qian Kun hated you. Because despite being a successful general in his very young age, he’s still a man who can’t have a decent fuck when he sure knew he needed one. You make him sin even though he’s already engaged and every time he touch himself with you in his mind, he will always feel so guilty afterwards.

Who wouldn’t hate you for that?

“Wake up, wake up my general”

There’s that soft toned wake up call again with a faint image of a woman on top of him, blurry because of the sunlight behind her that hurts Kun’s eyes and made him squint, but he knew he was dreaming.

And then he woke up.

It’s that dream again. The dream of his future wife who had been matched to him a day before he left for his duty as general. What a pity. It doesn’t look that much, but Kun was so excited to meet her in person. But the girl has been visiting her in his dreams, and that’s why he knew that this marriage is a good idea. This marriage will be beautiful, she will be beautiful and he will have a quiet married life after this duty of his.

Kun got up from his comfort and asked his assistant if you had gone home already and coward away. “No general, Y/n was seen during the morning run,” the soldier answered.

“Bring her to me, I want to talk to her,” Kun ordered and then stretched is body before putting on his robe and sit on his chair, waiting for your presence.

“General, L/N Y/N is here,” the soldier announced and Kun commanded you to enter right away.

It was nice on the generals tent, cozy and not hot like the tent you use together with the others. His things were neatly placed, and he is staring right at you now.

“From now on you will go last with everything. Last in line, last to shower, last to rest after training. Except during meals, you’re first during meals but don’t eat with other men. Are we clear?”

“Yes sir!” Of course it was clear to you but you never know why? Did you do something wrong?

But the real reason is, after what happened the other night, the incident in the river, Kun can’t risk the other men to be distracted by you. Some men in the battalion are already matched and ready to marry when they get home, just like him. So he can’t tolerate sin now and raise cheaters during this training .

Or maybe he simply just wanted to protect you.

For you it’s alright if you’re always last, what’s more important is you’re not last when it comes to skills and fighting. You were always doing great in the field, and the general was always impressed by what you’re showing. He just can’t say it out loud because it will hurt his pride. But who cares if he agrees, you’re not giving up and that’s what’s important.

Knowing that you’re last to take a shower and to clean yourself in the river, Kun can’t contain himself even though he has been avoiding you for weeks now. Yes. Weeks. But all his great efforts are coming to waste because at the end of the day, he will end up thinking about you and well, fantasize about you fucking him instead of resting.

“Maybe you like her and deep inside it’s not just weird fantasies after all,” the second general, Lucas, said to Kun while he is busy washing his hair.

“Did you forget that I’m matched already and she’s waiting for me to return home?” Kun frustratingly answered back.

“No, I did not forget that. But you don’t know this fiancé of yours, and you have never seen her or touched her,”

“Sure I did. In my dreams”

“That doesn’t count you moron. Look, if fantasising is not enough for you maybe just ask her-“

“You’re the moron, you know I can’t do that. I can lose my rank as general,”

“Let me finish first” Lucas held up his big hand and waited his friend to shut up, “Ask her truthfully, be clear with your intentions. After all, she’s a girl too and maybe she needs what you have been wanting too,” Lucas explained and left for he is done taking a bath.

Turns out Lucas was right. Whenever you take a bath in the river alone, and made sure that no one is watching, you touch yourself quickly and relieve your stress in a corner. Imagining a man whose fingers are deep inside you and imagining that you two are in a hurry so others won’t catch you.

Then after a good orgasm, you just feel silly and desperate. Why do I do this to myself, you murmured.

“Next time do it behind that rock,”

A familiar voice startled you and instantly made you shy. Did he saw you touch yourself? How much did he saw or hear? Why is he here? Did he do this on purpose? Of all people, why the general?

“I’m sorry general. I should get going...” you said with shy eyes, covering your still wet body with your thin robe and avoiding the general’s gaze that melts you instantly.

“Can you join me?” he stopped you from walking away from him, holding you by the elbow. A gesture that you can read easily. The general is not joking and he meant every word he said.

By the time he left you to go in the middle of the river, you haven’t made up your mind but you aren’t leaving yet as if you wanted to accept his offer and see what goes after. What are expecting? A kiss? A good talk? A good fuck? Why does he want me to join him?

All these questions ran through your mind as you slowly untie your robe and let it fall on the ground, walking slowly towards to the handsome man waiting for you under the moon and stars in the middle if a cold river.

Whatever happens, happens.

“So this is your decision?” He asked you calmly, with a soft smile that you have never seen him wear. “We will never speak of this whenever the sun is up,”

You nodded slowly and he came close, grabbing you by the waist and lifting you underwater so you could lock your legs around him.

“Tell me, are you matched?” he asked, looking so handsome in his damped hair.

“I am,” you answered weakly but you already got lost in his eyes.

“All the more reason to hide what we have,” he said and started kissing your neck that felt so good. Suddenly the cold water became warm, or that’s just Kun sharing an unfamiliar heat to you.

Slowly, he walked towards the big rock he talked about earlier. Feeling the water gush to your body and his hand soothing your butt underwater while making small talk. Everything feels so wrong but so good at this moment that you can only let out soft moans and listen to his groans as he was busy kissing you and kept on touching your body. Kissing your breast and licking your nipples like you were some kind of cold treat on a summer day, and you did not miss how his tongue felt around your sensitive areas.

“General-“

“Kun. Call me Kun whenever were alone,” he whispers and started nibbling your earlobe. His hands started to roam on your inner thighs, holding you with one hand and readying himself to make his first move. “Don’t make a sound,” he said and kissed you on the lips. Deep and with tongue that you became speechless and all you can do is shut your eyes close and feel this two fingers go inside your cunt. In and out you feel him under water but it sadly it doesn’t do the job.

“I think it’s the water,” he stopped and groaned quietly, his frustration was obvious. Is he really desperate to fuck tonight? “Let’s go to my tent, what do you think?” he asks you.

“N-no. That’s too much. We can get caught, I think I’m fine for tonight-“

He cut you off with a smirk and chuckle, “No were not. Were not going to get caught and were certainly not yet done for the night, unless you really want to. I can’t force you,” and again, he gave you freedom to choose. But whenever he’s like this you can’t help but feel like you’re throwing yourself to him. You just stared at his eyes and traced his soft lips using your thumb.

“Lead the way,” you said. And you witnessed him smile from ear to ear.

Quiet and very careful, you and Kun walked towards his tent and made sure that no one will see you together. Good thing the coast is clear and if anyones is awake, they should be guarding the place like a hawk. The moment you’re both inside his cozy tent, he blew the candle so no one would see your silhouettes, and of course, you did not make any sound.

He walked you towards his bed and slowly undid your robe, swiftly removing it and making you lie comfortably on his bed. He removed his robe and went on top of you immediately, staying in between your legs while he spreads kisses on your body. But you swear, you wanted to see his cock to inspect whether it’s big or can it fit?

“Don’t worry, you will feel it in a moment. And it will answer all your questions,” he smirked in between kissing your left breast while kneading the other. “Do you like kisses?” He asks as he spreads some around your body all the way down to your cunt, teasing it with a few licks.

“Now I do,” you smiled and answered his question. Reaching for his head to rake away his hair and to see how his tongue works.

Incredible. As expected and you wish you could make a sound.

Kun went back up to you, searching for your eyes under the very minimal light, “You should be kissed often, and by someone who knows how” he whispered and placed a soft kiss on your lips.

“Is that an invitation for tomorrow night?” You joked and smiled through the feeling of him finally spreading your legs open and making you feel his cock slide up and down your wet slit, again, teasing you and preparing you for what’s yet to come.

“If you let me kiss you everyday then I’m considered the luckiest man on Earth”

Such sweet words you thought. But such sweet words are not easily said if you don’t like the person you’re with. In other words, you don’t know if he actually mean it or is he just trying to be sweet because he’s about to fuck you senseless now?

“Ugh- it wont go in,” he said frustrated but still quiet. He’s that big and you are that tight.

“Ahh- fuck I wasn’t ready” you almost screamed the moment he put two fingers in your hole to prep you more, making you wetter by every second.

“Fuck its huge,” you informed him when Kun finally manage to put a few inches inside. He just chuckled and lowered himself to kiss your neck, whispering, “its not yet even halfway in,” he said in a very sexy way that just took your breath away.

But before he fucks you properly, he made sure he’s looking directly to you not missing the way you will react when he finally move. And when he finally did you furrowed your brows and parted your lips shamelessly, letting out small sounds that’s for yourselves only. You look and sounded so beautiful and irresistible Kun thought and he knew right then and there that he will be addicted to you. Almost to the point of he can’t let you go.

“Please don’t get me pregnant,” you plead and hold on tightly to his shoulders and kiss him even more deeply.

“I wont” he said and spread your legs even more for a new angle. Finally giving you hard and piercing thrust that you don’t have any choice but to accept them.

The night continued as you two forget the world outside the tent. He did a lot of things to you. Completely maximizing his time before the sun appears. After the first wave of your sexual activity, to your surprise he flipped you on your stomach and made you arched your back beautifully. Spreading kisses on your back while he kneads your breast from behind, pinching your nipples and giving them a great squeeze from time to time... as he fucks you harder from behind that if anyone is listening outside they will already know what you two are doing in the dark.

And just as you thought that he’s done with you, for his final move tonight, his grand finale, he made you cum using his tongue with two fingers inside your cunt and his other hand busy kneading one of your breast.

“Your legs are shaking uncontrollably, are you fine?” He was teasing you. If you have the energy to punch him you would gladly do it but now you really can’t.

While you two were enjoying the quietness of the night, you snuggle beside Kun while he wraps his arms around you. Both staring blankly in the ceiling and both replaying what happened earlier in your minds.

“I don’t feel guilty, I hope you do too” he said out of nowhere.

“Surprisingly I don’t feel guilty either,” you tighten your embrace to him.

“Is that an acceptance for my invitation for tomorrow night?” He smiled. You didn’t answer him for it was far too obvious already.

By the time you and Kun parted ways before the sun comes up, you both instantly felt incomplete. Why? You managed to get back to your tent quietly and went to sleep immediately, Kun did the same thing but right now as you sleep like a baby, Kun was having a nightmare.

Not exactly a nightmare. But it was for Kun. His fiancé visited him again in his dreams, and even though he knew it was just a dream, he still felt ashamed that he cheated.

On the next day, as expected he was back on his usual cold and strict image like he wasn’t inside you last night. But as much as everything was bothering you and your mind was out of focus the whole day, you didn’t let your guard down still did what you had to do during your training.

“A fucking tiring day don’t you think?” Your friend Hendery whined and flopped to his side of the bed. “You were out late last night. Stargazing again?”

“Y-yes, I saw different stars last night,” you said with a smirk, confident that your friend won’t get it.

And as you did stargazed near the river that night and endured the cold, you waited for a pair of arms to finally keep you warm. And his lips, to kiss your tiredness away. But to your disappointment, he never came.

He didn’t came the next night. Or the night after that. And even the following nights. Until you got the news that he left the camp and went back to the city for serious business for a few days.

“You were just a past time Y/n. The general played you and how come you were such a fool believing that he actually like you” you frustratingly murmured to yourself while you thrown rocks at the river angrily.

“Tss. You should be kissed often, and by someone who knows how” you said mimicking his words before throwing another rock, “where’s my fucking kisses now!”

“I can give them to you know if you want it,”

Finally, the person you hated so much showed up. “Well, it’s too late- general, welcome back” you bowed and gave him respect even though you know he don’t deserve it.

“I’m sorry. Please don’t be like that,” he let go of his horse and reached out to you for a hug but you avoided his touch. “Let me explain and let me make it up to you,”

You shook your head ‘no’ without looking at him. And Kun knew that this was his last card, his last chance to make it right. “I like you and that’s the truth. I realized that now during our time away, and I understand why you feel like this. I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me,”

“You’re general Qian Kun, don’t beg for my forgiveness-“

“I’m not a general right now, I’m just a normal man asking for forgive to the girl I like,” he breathed in deeply and let it out heavily, “My guilt got the best in me for the past days but now... it’s clear that I can’t lose you. Not yet and not like this”

After that night, better days came in, forgiveness was given and everything felt a lot lighter. You and Kun stopped fucking just for the sake of feeding each other’s lust and actually taking time building your relationship. Secretly. But you told him that when it’s time to go home, you should part ways and bring honor to your families by marrying the people waiting for the both of you. He did not answer you.

Of course that didn’t stop Kun from falling in love, because even though you two are in the middle of a war zone and a very sticky situation, it was a beautiful time to be in love.

And when the war between the enemies was settled, Kun wasn’t so happy upon hearing the news because this means its time to go home and get married.

After you and Kun made love in his tent for a couple of times tonight, with tired and sweaty bodies you did not care and still cling to each other.

“Tell me about your match, is he handsome like me?” He asked you out of nowhere which is alarming because he never opened this kind of topic before.

“I haven’t seen him. I left before I could meet him. But I heard that he’s brave and he can do a lot of things and that he loves his mother very much.

How about yours?”

“I don’t know anything about her she visits me in my dreams but I never see her face clearly,”

“And?” you asked because it’s obvious that he’s holding something back.

“And I wish that she’s you. If we have met a little bit sooner I’d marry you. Why can’t it be you?”

“Why? because of sex?” You asked slightly offended.

“No, no don’t get me wrong I think about you even when the sun is shining brightly in the sky or whenever you have clothes on or your body is covered in armor and your face is full of dirt. I admire your natural strength and drive.”

“This is wrong. We agreed to go home with honor” you turned your back against him and thought about what he said.

“Tell me why is this wrong? We love each other-“

“Were engaged to different people... Kun, are you hearing yourself”

“You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person you cannot live without and Y/n, I can’t live without you” he explained sternly. Already mad but that didn’t stopped him from covering your exposed body with his blanket and leave a soft kiss on your shoulder.

“This right here, what we have now, it’s everything I wanted and more. In fact, I could die right now, Y/n. I'm just... happy. I've never felt this before. I'm just exactly where I want to be” he whispered but he sounded so frustrated still. “In the end I’ll respect your decision. But I’m not marrying someone I don’t know, someone that’s not you, I would rather die in war,”

If Kun was being honest, he thought you would chose him over someone you don’t know. He was beyond heartbroken when you told him you wanted to go home and thanked him for everything that he taught you in the field. Not even one mention of the special things you shared whenever the sun is hiding. And on top of that, you called him general before you say your goodbye.

And on your wedding day. You were wearing a traditional chinese wedding dress and wearing a beautiful smile because finally you will meet what your ancestors have matched you with.

But just like that cold night beside the river, you waited and waited and waited.... for nothing. For your groom did not show up.

For Kun did not attend his own wedding not knowing that you were the bride.

You were both completely clueless that you were meant to be.

#nsckickback #neosmutcollective #nct-writers #cznnet #neowritingsnet #kpopcape #nct smu #wayv smu #kun smut #wayv kun smut #kun x reader #qian kun #wayv kun x reader #wayv #wayv x reader #qian kun x reader #kun fluff #kun angst #qian kun smut

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bokugaos · 3 years

Text

Territory

＞﹏＜ koutarou-nii just has to be the first here!! @aoyukai @kiyokens @shoyokuns for this nd helping nd encouraging me yesterday ILY’ALL MWAH

length: ~2k

warnings — yandere!bokuto, pseudo-incest, virgin reader

Bokuto can’t get enough of his pure and perfect little sister. So sweet, so soft, and untouched. Like an angel.

He knows about the things you talk about with his two older sisters. He tunes in to your conversations a lot; to keep tabs on you, he insists! As a responsible older brother, he has to know everything about you.

He’s seen the way other men look at you—his old high school classmates and teammates, strangers on the street, hell, even his current teammates. Everyone knows you’re off limits, he always makes sure of it. Nobody has the right to take you away from him, to be the reason that you’re going to cater to someone else’s attention but his.

You belong to him and only him.

But you’re simply too stubborn for your own good. You just have to go out and make your own friends, and now you have some suitors that he’s concerned about. You’ve dated some of them and of course Bokuto is spending more than half his time worrying about you and the things you do with them.

The thought of one of them, thinking they have the right to take away your virgin flower. He’s not even entitled to have you, let alone all those scumbags. He can’t bear the thought of someone snatching your innocence away—you’re so precious to him that he doesn’t even allow himself to have it. He would never ever let anyone else take it, not under his watch.

He is more than delighted when you announce to him that you’re going to stop meeting and dating people. You’re now finally seeing eye to eye with him! You haven’t been hanging out with other people, spending most of your time with him, as if living together is not enough for you.

You’ve voiced your complaints before, how you’re getting weird comments from your friends. They told you that it’s not normal for siblings to be that close. But he understands; they hate that you’re no longer so attached to them since you go out to see them less and less. He tries to explain to you that they are simply jealous.

You don’t need anyone else after all; he’s the only one you need, and he’s the best man you can ever find in this world.

But he’d be lying if he says he’s never had a lapse of judgment. You’re not making it any easier for him either, even though you don’t know just how weak he is for you. He’d catch you with your eyes closed, so relaxed and unguarded… what are you thinking? Do you lose your imagination, like he often does?

Are you fantasizing about him caressing you as he’s lowering you to the bed? Because he’s done it a few times you know, putting you to sleep like that. He has just never made any moves beyond. Maybe you unconsciously wish for him to all the same and that’s what you’re thinking about

Do you want him to pull the underwear down your thighs, slowly rub his fingers over your sex, smear your love juice to make sure you’re at least a little prepared for him, before he presses the head of his cock to your entrance? Do you want to feel him, inch by inch, as he sheathes himself deep into your tight, hot, virgin space? Because he would love nothing more than to listen to your moans, all your cute squirms underneath him and your delicious whimpers.

When you call out, “Kou-nii”, his heart jumps—he knows you’re definitely not thinking of anyone else. This is the only time he’s giving into a moment of weakness. He’s got you pressed up on the wall, your clothes hiked up just enough for him to have more of your thigh to grind against. You’re asking him—practically begging him to sink himself into you. “Am I not worthy?” You are, and your mewls, his sister gift wrapping it for him in the prettiest show of doubt and hesitation, can break his fixation.

Bokuto glides his hot, needy cock against your skin. His wet, leaking tip is leaving glistening trails, beautifying you even more. You keep your hands to yourself, both pressed on the surface of the wall. Your eyes are starting to close with each rock of your body, while musical little hums resonate behind closed lips.

He growls, having worked himself into a heated madness. He spins you around, and you instinctively close your legs tightly together for him. With slight difficulty, he wedges himself between the pillowy parts of your thighs, the softest portions, just underneath your crotch. He ruts in between them, with fervent quick snaps.

His hands plant onto the wall on either side of you. His cock briefly grazes the cloth of your underwear, feeling the moist there. He can’t tell if he’s simply leaking that much, or if you’re truly that wet for him. He pulls back to peel your underwear down in a flash and the next thing you know, its head is rubbing against you, earning him a soft moan bellowing against his ear.

The bedroom is a tad too far, but he won’t let himself be the reason his whole fantasy, the one he’s been dreaming around his fist about, to be ruined. He ups and carries you to the room, restraining himself from throwing you against the mattress and start fucking you senseless.

He crawls on the bed and hovers above you with heavy breaths, unable to calm himself down no matter how hard he tries. You’re so beautiful for him, laying on the stark white sheets as pure as you. He opens up your legs, marveling at how you look like a goddess in his bed. You’re so, very perfect. How is he so lucky to be the one who sees you like this?

Thankful that you’ve waited this whole time,—for him!—and let him take you. He gives you a kiss on the forehead and slowly pulls his hips back, cock leaving a wet trail from navel to mound. He angles his hips so that his bulky head lines up perfectly with your hungry cunt. Your inner, velvety walls hug him, just the tip this time, like a vice grip.

The last bits of his moral center shut down.

All Bokuto wants now is to fuck and fuck fast. To bury himself to the hilt, over and over. However, he’ll need to ease you up even more, as he’s barely even a quarter in but you’re already milking him so tightly that his eyes might actually roll back in pleasure. With an adorable cry—he’s unsure if it’s a surprised one or a pained one—your slack hands move his forearm to his biceps, clinging tighter and tighter the rougher he is. He loves that. It feels as if you're returning some of the passion, so he gives it even more effort.

He mercilessly plunges inside with a few rude thrusts of his pelvis. You wail at the sudden stretch, the burn that careens through your silky, slick walls. Flowering up into your chest, taking the breath from your lungs.

Though his hands are caressing you all over, it seems as if he is not paying any mind to any of your other reactions. Your wails, or the heavy flow of tears that roll down your temples. The whimpering or the continued pleading.

“Hey, pretty girl, don’t cry, huh?” one of his trembling hands smooths over your cheek, trying his best to comfort you despite the raging need in him to thrust faster, harder. “I-it hurts! and they… they said this is-”

“Just ignore them.”

A thumb hooks around your chin gently but insistently, leaving no room for argument, and you look up to meet his gaze. Bokuto only realizes he’d been slowing down, staring deeply into your eyes when a sob bubbles out of your mouth. Your eyes are half-lidded as he grazes his nose against yours. Kitty kisses, he always calls them. This seems to soothe you the smallest bit. His consciousness is blurring like watercolor now. He has to focus on the more important part of this, he realizes. And it’s you. “How bad does it hurt?”

You shake your head and squeeze your eyes shut.

“I know, baby, I know…it hurts the first time, remember? But d-don’t be scared, I-ah, fuck! It’s nii-chan,” Bokuto’s hips buck faster and harder, “Nii-chan’s got you.”

Closing your eyes you take a deep breath in through your nose. One of his hands is roaming your body, trying to distract you. The very tips of his fingers, gliding over the slopes of your breasts, teasing your nipples. Sending sharp shivers through your stomach into your pussy. Accumulating a new bout of slick, your cunt feeling hot and needy, you clench around him.

Your fingers come together in a fist over your head. All you can focus on is how deep his cock is hitting you, how filled up you are. The unbelievable heat, how your pussy continues to salivate all over his cock. Slick seeping in between your cheeks. Thighs shaking, as your velvet walls clamp down on his length. “Ah!– Nii-chan! Fu-fuck… oh– oh my god…” Your whole body quakes with your intense orgasm.

You throw your hands back over your head and arch your back. Your breath is fevered, chest rapidly rising and falling. Shaky meek whines that accompany every exhale. But that’s now, because your body is begging for it, pleading to get filled and creamed.

Bokuto continues to piston into you long after you're done coming. He fucks you until you’re a sweaty, grimy, whimpering mess. All muscle strength lost to it, becoming a rag-doll being puppeted by his big, unrelenting figure.

A deep-seated growl in his chest, not yet, he thinks, maybe you need some more practice before you can take him all the way inside. He’s too inside himself to recognize the wail you give, hunching over and burying his face in your neck, tasting sweat and fear and wholly unable to stop himself at all. He grunts like an animal, punctuated by loud, slick smacking sounds, overwhelmed with the pleasure of your burning hot, resisting walls clutching at him like a fist.

You turn him on so much. The tight constriction of your heavenly, virgin cunt. The heavy, moist breath on his neck. Nothing else matters, nothing except catching his end. Filling you up and making you his.

Your nails dig into his biceps and he comes. “Oh! Shit– It’s am– amazing.” His cock, aching and twitching inside of you. He’s coming hard, thick and heavy. Seated all the way inside, spurting deep within you, causing your belly to feel flooded. Marking his territory, you’re his.

He slowly pulls out of you, his cum spilling out of your cute, used up hole. “How’s it feel, angel?”

“ ‘s so good...” You weakly roll your head, face digging into the sheets. You have no strength to lift up your head, but you hope he’ll see your dazed smile.

He chuckles, “Silly baby, of course it does.”

You try to turn over, but he won’t allow it. “No, no. Don’t move. I’ll get you cleaned up!” He comes back with a warm washcloth. He gently cleans off the sweat from your forehead, wipes up stickiness from between your legs. Then he lets you move just he hugs you close to his chest, as he lays down with you in his arms.

Bokuto nuzzles his nose along your cheekbone, humming in approval. He is massaging circles, nibbling on your earlobe. You let your eyes fall shut again, trying to concentrate.

His body is so big, his musk so familiar and homely. You sigh as you finally start to relax, “...Kou-nii is the best.”

He is, and in fact, the only one you need.

#bokuto koutarou #bokuto smut #bokuto x reader smut #bokuto x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu smut #.bokuto!#koutarou nii ♡#.fics!

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byulsgrease · 3 years

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if you arent too busy, can you write a idol!hwasa x idol!reader, wherein they both have to practice with each other for a special stage. However on the first meeting they become starstruck and cant believe somethings are real, but soon warm up to each other?

i'm not terribly busy but this still took a while anyway oops - sorry this took so long anon! here you go :D

if anyone has requests for the other members hmu cuz I've got 2 more hyejin reqs after this one (not that I'm complaining)

"who says we can't do something on our own?"

(hwasa x idol!reader, ~1.2k words)

cw: food + alcohol mention (y'all know how it is)

I named someone Minjeong - it's not Aespa's Winter, idk anything about 4th gen gg's - 민정 is my Korean name so it's just what came to mind

"Hey, wake up. You've gotta see this. GET UP," a voice piercing through the fog of your sleep.

What a rude awakening. Your shoulders being shaken vigorously by a pair of small hands meant they belonged to none other than Minjeong, your youngest group member. You rolled over to glare menacingly at her with one eye open, trying to pull your brain out of the slumber. All you could see was the bright light of her phone shining in your eyes - a video of some kind. But then you heard the audio:

"Have you seen the clip?" asked the interviewer.

"Yes, my members and many MooMoos made sure I saw it"— Moos? Oh, it's Hwasa. WAIT. Both your eyes flew open as you sat up and snatched Jeongie's phone out of her hand to stare at the video. Your mind immediately flashed back to the interview you did last week - they asked who you most wanted to collaborate with, if there were no limitations. Your ears started to heat up at the sheer thought of the flustered mess of an answer you gave - of course you said Hwasa. Both of you debuted relatively close to each other, within a year, but never interacted much over the years. Mamamoo as a group was a force to be reckoned with, but there was just something about Hwasa specifically. You mostly just admired her unique singing voice and undeniable stage presence, and her relentless drive to always be herself in an industry constantly trying to fit women into a box.

Finally snapping out of re-living that embarrassment, your attention turned back to the phone in your hand. The interviewer must've asked her to send a message in response to you, because you couldn't believe that she was waving and saying, "How haven't we gotten to know each other better over all these years? I'd love to work with you on something sometime," curtly dipping her head in a slight bow.

"SEE? You needed to see that," Minjeong rushed to say, full of energy. "And close your mouth, your jaw's on the floor," jokingly pointing.

You side-eyed her and shut your mouth. "Is this what Loco felt like when she called him during Hyena on the Keyboard?" you wondered aloud.

"At least she's not calling you while on camera," she commented, knowing full well that you'd probably embarrass yourself again if she did. "But hey, at least she noticed you! Can I have my phone back now?" It would be a dream come true to collaborate with her, but cross-company collabs... always a pain. that couldn't be helped. The fantasy abruptly ended with demands from your rumbling stomach. Done with your what-if's, you placed the phone back in your maknae's outstretched hand to get up and make breakfast.

~~~~

With award show season rolling around, the crazy scramble of rehearsing for special live stages without leaking sets and collabs began. Checking your email that morning showed a schedule to record the backing track for a special live stage, but that was it. With who? You texted your members a screenshot, but they all told you that block of time in their schedule was empty. A solo stage? The solo mini-album you released this cycle did relatively well, the title track got a music show win, but not a multi-week chart-topper by any means. Possibilities turning over in your mind, you stepped out from your place to head to the company, totally in the dark about what was in store.

The recording studio always smelled the same along with the couches, a comfort for all the insanely long nights and crack-of-dawn early mornings over the years. With a bit of time to kill, you plopped down on one and gingerly patted the worn cushions as some kind of symbolic thank-you for supporting you (literally).

A hesitant but loud knock sent your gaze directly to the door. Watching it slowly open, you leaned forward to see who it was. Needless to say, your jaw fell to the floor again as you clapped a hand over your gaping mouth, eyes widening. Like a soldier obeying a command, you immediately stood up as straight as possible and bowed profusely at Hwasa, sporting a very similar expression on her face (which you failed to notice, your mind running a million miles a minute).

After a series of frantic bows and miscellaneous utterances to each other, she spoke. "It's nice to finally meet you," she said with calm, surveying your frenzied state. "I guess we're granting that collab wish from your interview, huh?"

The red-hot embarrassment leapt to your face. "I...I definitely made a fool of myself answering that question. And our maknae showed me your interview clip too, which was cool, but never did I think it would actually happen," you stammered. I should probably stop talking.

"Well, here I am," she half-smiled coolly. "Let's get started, I'm really looking forward to finally work with you on this," a gleam in her eye and a hint of excitement in her voice.

The studio suddenly felt a lot smaller with her in it, despite there only being your managers, the producer, and the both of you - less people than you and your members alone. Both of you remained relatively quiet the whole time, rather unsure of what to say or talk about. You watched enough MMMTV to know that all the members on their own were shyer than together, and Hwasa knew the same was true for you. But the work basically took care of itself, seamlessly taking turns in the recording booth, witnessing each other's work style and process. The both of you knew your way in front of a mic, seasoned professionals by now. Upon wrapping up, you bowed politely to each other after a quick exchange of KaTalk info, a short and sweet goodbye.

That was... anticlimactic. I mean, it's finally happening - I can't believe it. But maybe I was too idealistic about maybe creating a meaningful relationship with her outside of work... What does she think of me?

~~~~

In the days leading up to the collab stage, you kept going back and forth on whether to reach out or not, despite now being in possession of her contact info. What would you even say? Thoughts of a witty one-liner or relatable meme came to mind, but maybe she'd assume the worst - that you were clout-chasing, or something. Anxieties abuzz, your phone vibrated in your pocket. The KaTalk notification sprawled across your screen. Speak of the devil, it's her.

"Hey, awards season has me stressed. I know you must pretty busy right now too, but I somehow get off early tomorrow if you wanna grab dinner after work?" You had to reread that one. Oh, what? She's inviting me?

Trying not to be weird about responding too quickly, you typed out, "Wow, yeah, that sounds great! ^^ wait, your company doesn't care about you going out to eat during award season?"

"nah, they stopped having that kind of control over us a while ago, we are the money-maker of the company, after all 😏"

"so I guess this means they don't check your phone either ㅋㅋㅋ"

"nope :)"

You proceeded to set a time and place to meet, someplace with meat.

In the process of feasting on an inordinate amount of gopchang imbued with a splash of beer, you learned a fair amount about each other. You talked career, professional aspirations, the weird habits of your members, and more. What surprised you most was the amount of things she already knew about you, having admitted to watching some of your behind-the-scenes content after seeing your interview clip.

"Ah... I'm sorry if I came across as distant during that first recording session," she confessed, pausing to sip her beer. "I honestly didn't know what to do with myself, I felt a little star-struck."

"Oh what?? I felt the exact same, so no worries - and sorry if I came off similarly distant," you rambled back. A bit of silence fell between you, acknowledging the mutual sentiment. You spoke up after a bit, "Thanks for inviting me out tonight, I didn't realize how much I needed this."

"Thank you for making the time, I had fun getting to know you better," she articulated with a smile. "Maybe it'll make the collab stage better," she added on jokingly. You responded with a nod and expression of mutual affirmation.

~~~~

After that, messaging each other became a regular occurrence, that gopchang outing having broken the ice. Honestly, you tried your best to talk about anything besides work, but the baseline of shared understanding connected you in a way that came more naturally than it did with your non idol friends.

You stood across the way from her at the sound check for the final stage, dressed in joggers and slides. Funny to think that you'd be recording this for real in a couple hours, making eyes with the blinking red light on the cameras surrounding you. It sucks that fans wouldn't get to experience the energy and atmosphere of the performance - Hyejin alone is one thing, but adding someone else into her stage presence? Unmatched. There's nothing quite like a live performance - and while you knew everyone in the industry dealt with the consequences of the pandemic, it certainly took a toll to perform and not feel the energy from fans. But realistically, nothing you could do about it. The sound check went over smooth like butter. The stage chemistry came flowing naturally between you both, even when bare-faced and dressed in just sweats.

And when the time came for the actual filming, you both absolutely killed it, an upbeat mash-up of TWIT and your title track. At the very end came a sliver of hesitation before throwing your arms around each other with a big smile for the ending fairy, proud of the work you accomplished together, and a mental fist-pump to yourself for making friends with one of the industry's finest.

Once again walking to a restaurant that served mostly meat to celebrate, you playfully proposed, "We... should do that again sometime." A little puff of air came out her nose in amusement.

"Yeah, we should. Too bad we're gonna have to wait a whole cycle before we can release anything else together again," she sighed longingly.

"Who says we can't do something on our own?"

#did not know how to end oops #mamamoo x reader #hwasa x reader #mamamoo hwasa #ahn hyejin #hwasa fanfic #hwasa imagines #hwasa #mamamoo fic #mamamoo imagines #mamamoo scenarios #girl group fanfic #girl group imagines #girl group scenarios #kpop #kpop fic #gg fic #gg fanfic #requested

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