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#I also am the awtysm
cxciditfilius · 10 months
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PSA
I will say this once. Don't ever be intimidated by me. I'm literally just an adult gay man who loves cartoons. I love dad characters so much. I adopt every introvert I see.
If you want to send asks, send asks. If you want to send a message, send a message. I don't bite. The only 'main' I have is Lilith. And that's because it's my fiancé.
To sum it up. Come to papa. Let's be friends.
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noyaetnox · 1 year
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HEARTSLABYUL HEADCANONS:
The series: DIASOMNIA / HEARTSLABYUL / OCTAVINELLE / POMEFIORE / SAVANACLAW
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- will not confess no matter what and you can't tell me otherwise. He'll be bottling up all his emotions like there's no tomorrow
-> truly believes there is no chance you'll like him back. I mean, he was a bitch to you! He totally was rude and - how can you love someone like that?
-> Trey is slowly but surely getting tired of hearing the same thing over and over again from Riddle - goes to you, pleading to either confess or tell his house warden that you do not hold any special emotions towards him
- Riddle becomes much softer after you start dating
-> the whole of Heartslabyul noticed. Adeuce will be pleading with you to never leave their housewarden because suddenly living with him is doable
- Ace and Deuce will also react terribly to the news of you two dating (Ace worse), because what about that little shit made you like him? Are you okay? Were you bribed? Do you need help? Blink twice-
"You actually like him? For real? No cap?" Yes🤨? "But he's an annoying tyrant," jokes on you I'm a brat tamer 😋☝️ and into that shit.
-> will consider finally trying that therapy thing you keep talking about
- dates with Riddle are the best, you feel like royalty with how he treats you. Sometimes, though, he let's his tongue slip and says something he doesn't mean, but you can tell by his expression he doesn't mean it fr so you're fine (you then talk about it and he apologizes and you get lots of hugs)
- it is kept secret for the longest time, because he's worried people will see you as weakness of his (you totally are), so he tries. It fails. Bro has the biggest grin on his face the second he spots you. I'm talking visible hearts and sparkles
- no PDA. Won't even hold your hand. Please let me hold your hand 😔 will collar you if you pull something like holding hands or kiss his cheek, ONE OF THE SEVEN FORBID YOU KISS HIM ON THE LIPS IN PUBLIC -> immediate collar after each one - you're still into that shit (if you're not, are you really a Riddle simp? 🤨)
- doesn't know anything about relationships so his reactions are always fresh and amazing to look at
- can't communicate well and will try to not show his emotions (he fails horribly around you), so it's slow steps - both of you getting used to one another
- you tease him a lot, because he can turn redder than his hair and he hates it sometimes (he will refuse to admit), yet he knows you still remain respectful and once it's gone too far you immediately stop
- will try baking for you, but he takes everything literally (I'm pretty sure he is autistic, it's the fellow awtysm radar in me), so he often messes up. You eat it, because you love him (and it's not worse than Lilia's cooking, so)
- will spend holidays with you, he doesn't want to go home :( and he feels way better with you, so it's a win-win
-> only then learns about your living situation in Ramshackle 🥲🙏 will yell (respectfully) at Crowley because of it
- helps you so much with your workload by sharing his own hacks he's come up with over the years (he's the cutest little thing pls)
- fights everyone for you, except Floyd - you're both running from that one (will not leave you alone on that one, though, what a sweetheart)
- he's got a British accent 😐☝️
-> has the silly goofy speak: "riddle me this" "geezer" "bloody hell" "innit?" "lads"
-> you clown him for it sometimes, just sometimes. He hates it. But he also loves you so it's alright
- you carry candy around for him, everytime he gets angry around you, you toss him candy or something
- invites you horse riding (if you don't like horses IDC. I'm a horse person and I love it. The horse bedsheets stay on during sex 😡 jk. Or am I?)
- you will show him so much. So many new things and he's suddenly in this whole new world he's never been in before. He's willing to try anything, for both curiosity and your smile. Very interested in your world, please tell him everything
- will spend time with you in private tea parties where you guys just gossip
- platonic: best friends. Besties. Will share so much tea on tea parties, about everyone, even people you guys don't know. It's so fun. It's a whole 😗💅 friendship. (Though Riddle doesn't know much gossip, it's fine, he will remember what you tell him)
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- I don't know much about this guy but I will try
- definitely bakes you sweets that are to your taste, if you don't like sweets he will cook. He's been preparing for this moment his whole life let him do his thing
- is afraid of blood. IDC. You get a cut and bro is freaking out, you're going to die while he's passed out because of the bloo- he is now gone 😔
- that said, loves taking care of you as long as it's not a bloody injury. Brings you blankets, cooks you soup, boils you tea, you name it
- teeth brushing together and I also mean the kind where he brushes yours, he says it's not kinky but you are not really sure
- doesn't know how to say no but is a master at leaving situations, like you don't even know how and your request with going idk where has turned into rule 8289402917364829 to not speak to people in glasses on a Thursday and now you have to compensate by eating his tart,,, or something
- 😏 <- why does he actually make that face
- you spend time together by having either little tea parties or just hanging out in his room
- his love language is baking, but I also think it's quality time
-> will ask you to join him in the kitchen while he bakes, to be next to him while he's studying and things like that
-> just loves having you close to him
-> ALSO ALSO: one of those friends/bfs that will force you into calling/messaging once you've arrived home, telling you to dress warm, buys you food, yells at Crowley for you (tells Riddle to yell at him because he was raised to respect others while he knows Riddle will not care - after all, Riddle likes you, too)
- walks you to school
- asks you to put Ace and Deuce into their place because he just might snap anytime soon and despite being afraid of blood, it will be the last thing a few of the Heartslabyul students will see ☺️
- doesn't have bad memory per se, but often forgets trivial things
- it's kinda endearing
- platonic: joins you and Riddle in your tea parties (tea in both senses), knows about everything that's going on in the school, all the gossip (Cater is the one who tells him, but anyway)
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- "You don't have a magicam account😨😰?" "Wdym Crowley doesn't allow you to use your phone for social media and entertainment?!" Suddenly you are allowed to set an account 🤨
- EVERYTHING about your relationship is documented. He doesn't post all of the pictures and videos he has, but he posts a few.
-> likes to keep your relationship matters somewhat private rather than just post it all, it's for him only (and for you when he decided to finally send the pics from the date 2 months ago 😒)
- has a weird sense of humor you can't always understand. He seems like he's having fun, though, so it's fine, let him be excited
- he copes with internal conflict by occupying his mind with social media (twinss except I do that with games,,, anyway), telling jokes and being very unserious but he let's this mask fall whenever he's around you
- the actual Cater is so lovely 😔 he may not be as full of energy and as loud but he's still the biggest sweetheart
- you put him at a high place, whilst he puts everyone above him and is used to people just disregarding him, so when you show up and try your hardest to focus on him he just wants to cry for days on end. His opinions matter to you and you always listen to him even when he's talking about the stuff you have no idea about 🥲
-> late night crying sessions together (crying brings people closer), and you just love spending every second together
- he definitely needs assurance, so don't forget to text him a "good morning, love" a "goodnight, love" as well as words of affirmation and reminding him that you love him and him only and that he's amazing. Also please don't ignore his messages 😔 he will think you hate him
- refuses to get drunk in front of other people because he could start spilling his secrets, but he does when he's with you = crying a lot
- dates are two kinds:
1. you go to a very aesthetic location, you have a picture perfect (intended) date, it is later all over your social media
2. just you and him being in love and spending alone time together. His room, your room, in the garden, cooking together, you name it. All he cares about is you (only takes candid photos yet they look so good??? Sir??)
- just two people foolishly in love, that's it, that's the tweet (Tumblr post?)
-I really think he'd be one of the best bfs, hands down
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- he writes fanfiction. "But, Noya, there's no way he-" ☝️😐 he does. I was thinking about Sebek writing FFs about Malleus, but Sebek doesn't seem like the type (Sebek for sure daydreams), but Deuce? He does. With Ace. They just share FFs and recommendations (he still doesn't know how to tell Ace he doesn't really write well)
-> tried to keep it a secret until you one day mentioned this cool fanfic you've read the night before with your favorite character
-> "you read fanfiction?😨" Yes, Deuce. "And you mentioned it to me so casually?" You lovable idiot
- thinks you are very cool and respects you greatly
- you have a group chat with him and his mom as well as a private chat with her
- the group chat is just the sweetest thing ever. His mom loves you and you love her, and Deuce is just there to observe and for the two of you to poke fun at (in an endearing way - talking sweetly about Deuce while he reads it all)
-> in the private chat, you're gossiping and having the best time of your life. His mom is so cool and such a girlboss (not to mention a total MILF - if it doesn't work out with Deuce you'll go for his mom 😔)
- that said, Deuce is very submissive and breedable
I will not elaborate
- dates with him are definitely outside, you either go for a walk, for a ride, or something like that
- brings you gifts all the time, they're mostly really stupid, but he's always like: "I saw this and it reminded me of you" or "I saw this and thought you might like it" your room is getting full, but you can't say no to that face.
- kiss his hair, he's sitting down and you do a little smooch, or the back of his neck
-> he gets all red and stuttering and then you hear it about it from his mom
-> "When will I get grandbabies?" Miss I want your child 😌☝️
- ehm
- just the loveliest puppy love, with a lot of hugs and kisses, he also doesn't care about where you two are and PDA is no problem for him (as long as it's like a little, he wouldn't straight out makeout with you,,, maybe)
- soft boy, will worry about everything but you and his mom will reassure him at all times, so we're good 😌
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- BOY
- okay I ended Deuce with PDA and I'm going to start with it here
-> PDA all the way, will makeout at the lockers, near friends, he doesn't care. You do? Too bad (just kidding he will actually respect your opinion, but you also have to respect his so like)
- will bring you to his room while Deuce is there just for the laughs
- will try to protect you from trouble, because he has this feeling of needing to protect you
- "This one is for you, babygirl" and then misses his shot at club, you laugh,,, but why does he keep doing that when it has worked like twice so far (Floyd also tells you all his shots are for you and doesn't miss)
- screams when in distress, you scream with him. Yes we're fine, Jack.
- steals tarts and cakes from the dorm kitchen and then sneaks into your room to eat with you, then acts oh so sad when Riddle collars him and he has to go sleep at Ramshackle 😩😩😩 oh woe is me (sneaky bastard)
- you definitely curse at one another, jokingly, you call him a dick, he calls you a bitch. But you're his bitch and he's your dick 🫶
- people are concerned, but you guys are fine
- talks about his exes sometimes and then realizes his mistake and keeps apologizing for days, you tell him it's fine (you've already had the talk, and you know his mouth just runs faster than his brain can keep up - you do say if something he said hurt you and he then tries to make it up and not repeat it ever again)
- dates are never the same, like I can't stress enough how your dates are just in the spur of the moment and you end up eating bananas on Crowley's window (you almost fell to your death so that was the last time you did that)
-> has a weird habit of remembering things like that, like if you cut yourself - never be close to a knife, if you slipped on ice - not going outside when it's freezing, you almost fell from that window - never let you be higher than a chair when he's around. It's sweet, but let me live my life goddamn
- while texting he has started putting /j after everything just to make sure you don't misunderstand
- it's an emotional rollercoaster with him, but you somehow still return, is that okay? Not necessarily, but you love him too much and he loves you, too
- tells you often, that he loves you. Like, any change he gets, he will be saying "I love you" "Love you" it's kinda cute because depsite that, he still gets nervous and all red, at least you know it's genuine
- will beat up anyone for you (with Deuce because they're a buy one get one free, or frequently bought together)
-> you got used to your dates sometimes being with Deuce, but it's fine, you spend all the time together anyway (Epel hates your love, so you tease him on purpose, Jack is just lovable and is happy for you guys - just don't let it distract you from your studies!)
Why did Riddle get so much text? He's my favorite.
Why does Deuce have 2 banners? because he's my bbygirl and I couldn't decide, he looks great everywhere.
When will be the next part? With how life's going rn, soon.
Who will be in the next part? I haven't decided yet, but either Pomefiore or Octavinelle.
Have a great week everyone, hope life is going well, goodnight 🫶🫶🫶
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vizthedatum · 10 months
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Journaling - Aug 6, 2023
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Today, I woke up feeling extremely exhausted and out of it, but I had help and was motivated to get up. 
I had initially planned to have two friend outings, time to study for interviews, time to rest, time to clean, and time to watch Good Omens season 2.
To be honest - I ended up just making it to one friend outing and used most of my spoons (read here about spoon theory for chronic pain and mental health conditions) for that. And now I’m home… just on my computer trying to chill and reflect on my day. I’m too tired to do anything else. And my bladder feels weird but I have a bladder treatment tomorrow so yay - just in time.
This whole past week was really hard - my work life has been brutal because I’ve had to meticulously manage my time and my tasks… and I feel like I almost lost my ex-friend earlier this week, and I love her so dearly. And obviously, I’m still grieving my abusive ex-relationships with my mom and ex-spouse. It’s not easy. I even had somewhat of a meltdown with the person I’m dating, and I was really self-conscious about it. Even though I had some really valid reasons and even though we were able to talk it out. It feels better now.
It’s not easy to come to terms with your neurodivergence, autism, and unmasking. Unmasking means that… you rely on instinct rather than whatever behavior you think will get you accepted by your peers in whatever situation you’re in. Am I going to have a meltdown in the grocery store because of sensory overstimulation? Yeah, I probably am - it actually might be easier to do so instead of holding it all in until I’m in the car and risking another autoimmune flare, migraine, or MULTIPLE meltdowns later in private.
Anyway! Today! I wore my AWTYSM shirt that I got from Courtney Ahn, I went out to eat with a really loved friend, and we went shopping. I need more professional wear that’s more *me* and more versatile with the #femboy #nonbinary look I want. I’m hoping to donate my older clothes and recreate a wardrobe that is as gender-fluid and feminine (but boyish) in a way that honors me. I don’t think delicate colors, such as lilac, or skirts are gender-specific. I do want to chest-bind - and I’m trying to pick pieces that can work well with that (very hard to do when you naturally have big breasts, want a baby one day and breastfeed, and then want to cut it all off). I also had to think, “What pieces would look good professionally and still be as gender-fluid and culturally authentic for me??” Anyway, I’m going to try to post outfit-of-the-days to hopefully figure that out.
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