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#I already have diabetes from the drama itself

just-come-baek · 3 years

Text

bet on it

Pairing: Na Jaemin x female!reader

Word count: 21.2k

Summary: One day, Jaemin stops by with a strange request. Any other person would just laugh in his face and refuse in a second. Unfortunately, I, being the dumbass I am, agree to it. Soon enough, everything gets out of hand, causing much more drama than we could ever predict.

Or in other words, Jaemin shouldn’t bet on things he knows he can’t win.

A/N it’s an instalment for love letters event hosted by neosmutcollective, I hope you enjoy my jaemin entry as well as other entries written by my friends from the network, check out the event tags too, and yeah, happy valentine's day! 😏 💖

***

“What?” I yelled, almost spitting my tea. No, I must’ve heard him wrong. Jaemin wouldn’t be stupid enough to do that. It had to be a joke. Or I must’ve imagined him say that. “You don’t mean that,” I added, still in shock, trying to comprehend what just happened.

“Come on, Noona,” Jaemin whined, staring right into my eyes, wishing for me to say yes to his ridiculous proposal. “I wouldn’t suggest that if I knew we couldn’t pull through.”

With a sigh, I shook my head. Jaemin’s proposition was absurd, and I couldn’t believe I was about to ask him again to walk me through it.

Damn me and my curiosity.

“Before I make my mind about this… tell me what the fuck led you guys to make that stupid bet. Then, and only then, I will still say no, but in good faith,” I demanded, smiling at Jaemin, knowing I wouldn’t make it easy for him to convince me. The odds weren’t in his favor, and he really had to put in lots of effort if he really wanted me on board.

“So we were chilling after practice, and then Haechan started to tease me that I have no game anymore,” Jaemin started, and I rolled my eyes. Of course, I should’ve figured it out. A man in his age apparently is a failure unless he has a different girl in his bed at least 3 nights a week, moaning his name at the top of her voice. Even though Jaemin doesn’t have a competitive nature, it still provoked him into agreeing to this absurd bet.

Life must be though with an ego so fragile…

Jaemin isn’t a fuckboy, yet he still has a fair share of love conquests. Though I had no idea whether it was true or not, he must have fallen a little behind the others – otherwise, they wouldn’t tease him about it.

“And then I said his mother must’ve dropped him on the head if he really thinks that,” Jaemin carried on. I nodded my head, trying to wrap my head around this preposterous situation. “Then, I said I could seduce any girl I want,” he added proudly, making me want to flicker his forehead, hoping it would knock some sense into that empty skull at the top of his neck.

“Okay, but how the hell did you end up with having to seduce me? This is the part I have the most trouble understanding,” I pointed out, cocking my eyebrow.

“Then, Chenle suggested we bet on it, and I agreed to it,” Jaemin whispered, looking away, sounding both regretful and shy. “I urged them to pick any girl, so Haechan looked around to choose my next conquest. It was the time when you and Ten were walking to the dance studio, and that bastard suggested you.”

So it was Haechan’s doing – I should’ve figured this one out. He was the only one wicked enough to possibly ruin somebody’s friendship because of a stupid bet.

Or, it was quite genius of him – maybe he figured Jaemin would not cross this line, choosing our friendship over winning this imbecilic bet.

“And you were confident you can woo me? What about our friendship? Does it mean anything to you?” I inquired, curious of what was going inside his head when he agreed to this half-witted bet. Did he seriously think we could have sex and then forget all about it?

“It’s not like that! I don’t want to woo you. I mean… I could, and you would be very much aware if I tried to hit on you, and you would fall for me. No doubts on that,” Jaemin spoke confidently, grinning like an idiot with ego blown way out of proportion. “But–“

Jaemin was about to say something dense, so before more bullshit managed to leave his mouth, I hit him with a cutting board. Jaemin whined, but I was sure he was exaggerating for comedy purposes. My hit was calculated and balanced – it was powerful enough for him to understand it wasn’t a good idea, but at the same, it was not going to cause any permanent damage to his brain. I’d never purposefully do that to him.

“We’re not having sex. Get that shit inside your head,” I interjected, pouring my herbal tea down my throat, already thinking about making another cup. This conversation was making me uncomfortable, and I wanted to put an end to it. Perhaps another lemon balm tea would calm my nerves.

Ignoring his penetrating gaze, I shuffled around the kitchen, setting the kettle on the stove. In the meantime, Jaemin walked around the kitchen island and grabbed me by my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes.

“Come on, Noona, I am not asking you to sleep with me,” Jaemin defended his case, quite determined to pull me on his side.

“Well… it looks exactly like you’re asking me to sleep with you,” I cut in, walking around him to the cabinet to get a fresh tea bag. I’ve really had enough of this bullshit.

“We could just make it look like like we did,” he carried on, and I heaved a deep sigh, regretting even letting him in today. I had this extremely boring essay to write, and at this point, I’d rather begin my research on whatever topic my professor assigned.

“It’s still a no from me, sorry,” I replied harshly, crashing Jaemin’s expectations. Judging by the look on his face, it wasn’t the outcome he anticipated when he decided to knock on my doors. “What happens when you lose that bet? Well… except for your pride, of course.”

“500 dollars.”

“Ouch, sowwy, I hope you can afford that,” I added with a fake smile, patting him on the shoulder, being well aware this amount of money was a game-changer to Jaemin’s budget. If he won, he would have the time of his life, spoiling himself. However, if he lost, he’d have to eat instant ramen on every meal for the entire month. “Either way, I hope it will teach you a lesson to not bet on things you know you can’t win.”

“Ugh, fine,” Jaemin groaned in disappointment, reaching for my hands, holding them carefully as if they were made of china. “If you help me, I’ll give you half of the money,” he proposed, and I looked at our hands linked together, then quickly shifted my gaze to his eyes. “If you help me win, you’ll get 250 dollars, and you’ll be finally able to buy those fancy shoes you wanted so bad. What do you say?”

When did he get so persuasive?

It was a low blow.

Jaemin knew that these shoes were tempting me ever since I had seen them. Multiple times, my thumb hovered over the add-to-cart button. Every time, I resisted the temptation last minute upon seeing the price tag, though. This purchase was way out of my budget. However, now, when the new income opportunity presented itself, it made me wonder.

Suddenly, the kettle began to whistle, bringing me down to Earth from that ridiculous train of thought. Shaking my head, I tore my hands out of Jaemin’s gentle grasp, fidgeting back to the stove, pouring boiling water into the cup.

“Okay, fine, but I have a few questions first,” I gave up after a short pause for intense pondering, and Jaemin smiled brightly in instant gratitude and relief. Without my help, he would be doomed. “And then, if I like the answers, I have a few conditions.”

“Anything.”

“Okay, so first of all, how much time do we have to do the deed,” I inquired as I blew some air before taking a cautious sip.

“About two weeks,” Jaemin mentioned after a while as he had counted on his fingers how many days we have to team up and win five hundred dollars for us. “Officially, we have to do it before Jaehyun’s birthday party,” he specified, and I hummed, realizing it is very little time.

“You seriously think I am that easy? Outrageous,” I gasped, throwing a fake tantrum as I made my way around him to sit down on the barstool on the other side of the kitchen island.

“No, of course not,” Jaemin quickly realized what I was getting on, so he smiled sheepishly, already trying to figure out the best wording to calm me down. “I am just that good,” he added, and I leaned over to smack his shoulder. “Kidding,” he defended himself, stepping out of my reach. “Renjun proposed this party, I mean, it’s the easiest way they can verify we did it,” Jaemin carried on, and I cursed under my breath.

How convenient.

“But we’re not going to do the fucking,” I stated, as a matter of fact, repeating myself in order to make sure we were both on the same page. As much as it would be pleasant to actually do it with him, never under these circumstances.

“No, we’re not, but I guess we can sneak out upstairs to one of the unoccupied rooms, and once we make sure they’re listening, you can just shout how good I’m fucking you,” Jaemin reasoned, and I sighed as regret once again washed through me.

“That’s creepy,” I commented as my mind conjured an image of a group of peeping Toms, eavesdropping on our sex session. Once again, I felt the temptation to drop out of this deal, but then, another thought crossed my mind. “Ugh, fine, I’ll do it. All I have to do is shout for two minutes, and then, these cute shoes will be mine.”

“Two minutes? Are you insane?” Jaemin hollered, offended by my comment. “It happened once, and it was ages ago. I’ve learned plenty of tricks since then,” he blabbered, acting way too defensive for his past mishap. “Just let me live in peace, please.”

“Okay, so we have established the deadline, and although it’s not enough time for anyone to woo me, let’s go with it.”

“Thank you! I knew I could count on you,” Jaemin replied with gleeful enthusiasm as he sat down on the barstool beside me and pressed a chaste kiss against my knuckles.

“But you have to go overboard with the courting,” I added, making Jaemin groan. Hard work wasn’t his best suit, but this time, he really had to try his best, or I’d have to turn him down at Jaehyun’s party. “You really have to make it believable and super romantic. Otherwise, I’m out,” I clarified, and Jaemin nodded, though unwillingly.

“Fine, any other wishes in mind?”

“Once we win the bet, we have to end this whole fake-dating fiasco immediately,” I announced, already planning ahead. It was easy to win the bet, but the most difficult part was getting back to normal. If we planned to fake-date in order to fake-fuck, then it was reasonable to figure out how we’re going to fake-break up.

“We should agree on admitting it was the best sex of our lives, but despite that, we value our friendship even more, so we decided to remain friends. How does it sound?” Jaemin suggested, and I had to once again resist the temptation to roll my eyes.

“I agree with the overall message, but later, we have to work on proper delivery.”

***

On the very next day, Jaemin and I decided to implement our secret plan.

Since I specifically asked to be courted in an over-the-top manner, Jaemin suggested going to the cinema. There were no attention-grabbing titles screened, yet ultimately, we agreed on watching the very last projection of the sequel to Wonder Woman.

“Go get the snacks, I’ll buy the tickets,” I ordered once we stepped into the cinema area of the nearest shopping mall. It was two o’clock in the afternoon, so the establishment wasn’t crowded. Except for us, there was only a family of three slowly making their way to the exit.

“See you in five minutes,” Jaemin murmured before he walked off to the bar to get us some salty popcorn and soda drinks. Though we both considered them way overpriced, it was a perfect way to celebrate the beginning of our fake relationship.

“We still have some time until the movie starts,” Jaemin shyly whispered as he cleared his throat. “Let’s take some selfies to make it public,” he added, and I nodded, sending him a timid smile, knowing this protocol had to be done in order to properly keep up appearances.

These days, everything had to be posted on social media, or it didn’t exist. If we didn’t leave a single digital mark, people might’ve grown a little bit suspicious of our alleged rendezvous. It would probably shock our friends, but it had to be done if we wanted to really sell it to them.

The circumstances were perfect for an impromptu first-date photo shoot. We were able to snap a few pictures without any annoying looks of prying eyes, choose the best angles, and finally post it with an ambiguous description confusing the shit out our friends.

Though Jaemin took about fifty photos, ultimately, I allowed him to upload three.

One picture showed me standing back to the camera as I looked at the cinema schedule, trying to pick a movie. I was wearing an A-line crimson red dress and a pair of warm black tights – the outfit really made my figure look pretty slim.

“What do you think about this one?” Jaemin inquired, showing me the photo of our interlaced hands. With a hum, I inspected the picture, giving him the green light. It was appropriate for our first date – it would signify we weren’t at the cinema as friends.

“This one looks good enough,” I commented as I reached to swipe across the screen of his smartphone. “I look cute here,” I added, showing Jaemin a picture of us. We were smiling, staring at the camera, almost stuffing our faces into the bucket of popcorn.

“What kind of description should I write?”

“Something vague, I guess,” I answered with a shrug, having no clue what kind of comment would be fitting for this Instagram post. “Maybe stick to emojis,” I suggested, and Jaemin went back to work, adjusting filters and typing the description.

With a chuckle, Jaemin handed me his phone, letting me approve his commentary.

“Are you out of your mind?” I hollered, quickly deleting the emojis. Having smacked his shoulder, I turned around, blocking him from seeing the screen. Three blushed emojis suited our fake-date better than a popcorn bucket, a wine glass, and an eggplant.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself,” Jaemin apologized, still laughing at his incredibly funny joke.

“Here, I posted it,” I said with an eye roll, throwing his phone at his lap. “The commercials must’ve started; let’s go,” I rose from my seat and extended my arm, wanting Jaemin to hand me the cup of coke. Jaemin, however, completely misunderstood my intentions, putting his hand into mine, holding it gently. “Give me my drink, Jaemin.”

“Sorry,” Jaemin sheepishly smiled before he yanked back his hand and turned his head around, too embarrassed to look at me. I, on the other hand, laughed hysterically. That should’ve served him right after that emoji faux pas.

“I was kidding,” I admitted when my laughter died down. “Come on, Jaemin. Let’s go; I want to see the trailers,” I added before grabbing his hand, hauling him inside the screening room.

At the last row, we plopped down onto our double seat, getting comfortable for the movie. With our belongings thrown onto the neighboring seat, we stretched our limbs before the lights went out, providing us with the best viewing experience.

“Do you think they’ve seen it?” Jaemin whispered into my ear as he placed his head on my shoulders. “I want to check it, but at the same time, I don’t.”

“Mood,” I replied, feeling just as anxious.

The movie began, and we quickly forgot about our bold social media statement, focusing much more on the screening. Residing to our typical behavior, Jaemin placed his head on my shoulder, snuggling closer, taking full advantage of the bucket of popcorn, which rested on my thighs.

It was peaceful and comfortable – just as things were before Jaemin had come up with his brilliant idea to fake-date each other for the sake of that ludicrous bet. Though we acted the way we used to with each other, it felt somewhat different with that supposed romantic connotations haunting us. Not necessarily bad kind of different, though.

Just as we expected, two hours was more than enough for our friends to spam our individual inboxes. We both had dozens of messages from group chats, as well as private ones. All of them were asking and/or speculating what happened and why.

“I don’t feel like answering any of these,” I muttered, dreading to read what Ten and Jiwoo wrote on our roomies’ group chat. “I don’t feel like coming home, either. They’re gonna eat me alive with questions. I am not ready to face them yet. Wanna hang out some more?”

“Fuck, even my mom has seen them,” Jaemin cursed under his breath, completely forgetting about his mother being a mad keen Instagram user. Now, when he looked at our arrangement from a slightly different angle, Jaemin realized it brought way more consequences than he was planning on facing.

It was bad.

Really bad.

With shaky hands, I unlocked my phone, checking the Instagram post Jaemin had tagged me in. Not only our friends flooded the group chats, but also, they didn’t forget to embarrass us even further in the comment section.

lucas_xx444: what the heck??? 😧 is this for real???

yuu_taa_1026: finally!!1 maybe they stop simping for each other now 🤡

_jeongjaehyun: another man down, shame 😔

choi.jiwoo21: 🙄🙄 some men actually grow up, jeong…

mama_nana: Why am I only finding about this now?

“Well… fuck,” I murmured under my breath, still unable to process the fact that Jaemin’s mom knew about it. It was supposed to be a harmless charade; however, with each passing minute, it was getting out of hand. “What is the damage control procedure?” I asked in concern, biting the bottom lip nervously. Lying to our friends was pretty bad, but keeping this relationship thingy up in front of his mother was despicable.

“You know how she is,” Jaemin started, and I sighed, wishing I had no clue of what she was capable of. Unfortunately, I did, and it scared the hell out of me. “Either we go and visit her, or she’s coming to visit us,” he wondered, unable to choose which option was worse. “Fuck, she’s calling me. What do I do?”

With panic flashed in his eyes, Jaemin handed me his phone, expecting me to handle the conversation with his gossip-girl type of a mother. As if that would ever happen…

“Pick up and tell her we’re awfully busy or something,” I ordered him, gliding my finger across the screen, pressing the device against Jaemin’s ear.

“Hi, mom,” he spoke through gritted teeth, staring at me in absolute fury. Quickly, his hand cupped mine before he grabbed the phone, adjusting it.

By Jaemin’s mom’s standards, the conversation was brief. Or rather, her monologue was because Jaemin didn’t speak a single word through the entirety of it. Except for a couple of mmm’s thrown here and there, he didn’t engage at all.

Ideally, Jaemin would schedule the visit after we will have broken up. He’d go there by himself and tell her a story of us coming back to our senses and deciding to remain just friends. Unfortunately, that would require at least one functional brain cell and a pinch of assertiveness – both of which Jaemin seemed to lack.

“And?” I inquired, praying to hear some good news.

With a sheepish smile, Jaemin cautiously looked up at me. “We’re visiting her for dinner on Friday,” he announced, and I gripped my hands, trying to refrain myself from beating the shit out of him.

I didn’t sign up for any of this!

I just wanted some shoes.

“I hate you, Na Jaemin,” I angrily declared, storming out of the cinema, ready to indulge myself with plenty of greasy food. It wasn’t the best coping mechanism, but I needed to consume a ridiculous amount of calories in order to forget I was stupid enough to agree to participate in this travesty. “Are you coming or not?!”

***

The last thing I wanted was to face my roommates. They must’ve had dozens of questions about this out-of-the-blue date, and I was dreadful because I couldn’t provide them with genuine answers. Perhaps, I could try to confabulate my way out of this, but it was, nonetheless, risky.

Having eaten at least two servings of a delicious greasy meal Jaemin and I went for a stroll under the pretense of taking some more photos for future references.

Around 8 o’clock, I unwillingly made my way home. Even with that romantic aura lurking around us, it was still fun to hang out with Jaemin.

Walking up the stairs to the fourth floor, I wondered about possible solutions to my problem. In a perfect scenario, I’d sneak into my room without anyone noticing, so I wouldn’t have to deal with any prying questions until, at least, early morning.

Unfortunately, the moment I pulled out my keys, the doors swung wide open.

“Well, well, well…” Ten tsked with a mischievous smirk dancing across his gorgeous face. Asshole. How dare he tsk me? “Had fun on your date?” He asked, and I tried my best to ignore him. It wasn’t that easy, though. With Jiwoo backing up his teasing, I was outnumbered.

“So… you and Jaemin, huh?” Jiwoo mused, cocking up her eyebrow in curiosity. “Spill the tea. I didn’t spam your inbox to not hear all the details,” she added, and I rolled my eyes, regretting all of my poor life choices that led me to this moment.

“I’ll bring wine,” Ten hollered before he disappeared in the kitchen, also keen on knowing everything that had happened between us. “Don’t say anything until I get there!”

They wanted to hear a romantic story of how two friends realized they had hots for each other, and that’s exactly what I did. Unwillingly, I provided them with an incredible piece of fiction of how we felt the spark when Jaemin stopped by the other day.

Admittedly, it was easy to go with the flow once the wine molecules were coursing through my veins. With some liquid inspiration in my bloodstream, I narrated how adorable Jaemin had been when he had gathered enough courage to ask me out on a date.

“So I assume you’re bringing Jaemin to the cabin on the weekend,” Jiwoo inquired in a teasing manner, and I blinked in confusion. What cabin was she talking about? “You forgot, didn’t you?”

“Forgot about what?” I asked, still clueless about the whole ordeal. With a confused frown, I wondered what this cabin trip was about. Positively, I didn’t forget about it. It’s impossible to forget about plans you weren’t even invited to.

So, Jiwoo explained everything in great detail.

Apparently, Jaehyun and Johnny planned a weekend getaway to the cabin by the sea. They invited plenty of people, but since it’s the middle of a hectic period of exams, only a small percentage of invitees would be able to make it.

Jaehyun, Johnny, and Lucas gave up trying to get the best grades two semesters ago, so their schedule was pretty much open. Renjun, Chenle, and Yeri were nerds with every necessary book memorized by heart, so they didn’t have to cram the weekend before the tests. Jiwoo, being heads over heels in love with Jaehyun, would even cancel her manicure appointment to make it to that trip. She was that serious about this fratboy for some reason…

And now, two individuals needed a perfect excuse to ditch an uncomfortable family dinner. When a chance presented itself in front of me, I just couldn’t say no.

“I’m going. I don’t know about Jaemin, though. He’s meeting his mom on Friday, but maybe he can make it work.”

“Fantastic,” Jiwoo shouted in excitement before finishing her glass of wine.

“Now, when I think about it, I am glad I’ve taken an extra shift at the gym,” Ten chimed in with a playful smirk as he sipped his wine. “You two simping for each other was painful to watch, but now, when you’re hitting it off, it’s gonna be unbearable.”

“What do you mean simping?” I yelled in a threatening manner, ready to fight him for spitting nonsense so carelessly. I might’ve had a tiny crush on Jaemin, but I wouldn’t call it simping. Also, suggesting the simping was mutual? He must’ve lost his freaking mind. Ridiculous!

“Shit, I didn’t think this through,” Jiwoo mentioned, now probably re-considering if the trip is worthwhile. She would love to hang out with Jaehyun and finally make a move, but on the other hand, she would have to deal with my and Jaemin’s romantic shenanigans.

“Why are you such drama queens? We’ve been on one date, for crying out loud! Stop acting like we’re some kind of overly touchy couple because we’re not,” I barked, having no more energy to argue with them. “We’ll keep PDA to a minimum, don’t worry.”

“No need to get so defensive,” Ten added, enjoying my misery a bit too much.

“I am not getting defensive,” I argued, though facing real trouble, unable to actually back up my perspective. “Anyway, I am going to sleep. Unlike the two of you, some people have real jobs,” I added before storming to my room, plopping onto my bed with a tired groan.

Having changed into my pajamas and sneaked under the covers, I finally dared to connect my phone to the Internet. My inbox was full of texts, so I read them all. I didn’t feel like replying to any of them, though. Instead, I opened my chat with Jaemin.

my love 💖 | 20:41 | I figured it out

my love 💖 | 20:41 | You don’t have to thank me

my love 💖 | 20:41 | Also

my love 💖 | 20:41 | Wtf Jaemin?

my love 💖 | 20:41 | What kind of name is that???

my love 💖 | 20:42 | Change it back

baNANA 🍓 | 20:43 | No. 😘

baNANA 🍓 | 20:43 | The name stays

baNANA 🍓 | 20:43 | You can’t make me 😝😝

baNANA 🍓 | 20:44 | And what don’t I have to thank you for?

my love 💖 | 20:44 | I might’ve found alternative plans for friday

baNANA 🍓 | 20:44 | Oh???

my love 💖 | 20:45 | Jiwoo invited us to the cabin for the weekend

my love 💖 | 20:45 | We’re gonna get so drunk!

my love 💖 | 20:45 | It’s okay if you can’t make it, tho

baNANA 🍓 | 20:45 | Wow

baNANA 🍓 | 20:45 | I have an exam on Monday…

baNANA 🍓 | 20:45 | But I can make Haechan give me his notes

baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | I wouldn’t miss it

my love 💖 | 20:46 | Good, then it’s a date

baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | Date??? 🥰🥰

my love 💖 | 20:46 | Stop being so cringy!

baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | Good night, love~~ 😘

baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | Dream of me 😇😇😇

my love 💖 | 20:46 | Ugh.

my love 💖 | 20:46 | Disgusting 🤢🤮

baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | I love you, too

***

As brilliant as my plan was, it fell through. Only partially, though. The little getaway was still a thing, but unfortunately, regardless of how much we tried, we couldn’t reschedule the dinner at Jaemin’s family home.

We still had to pay his parents a visit, but, at least, there was a silver lining.

Thanks to our hectic schedule, Jaemin’s mom wouldn’t have a chance to force us to stay longer. Whether she wanted to feed us dessert or stay the night, it was out of the question.

Since Jiwoo had one more exam to pass on Friday, half of the guests would have to show up later in the evening. Johnny, Jaehyun, Lucas, and Renjun were about to take off around noon while Jiwoo, Yeri, Chenle, Jaemin, and I had to carpool later in the evening.

I didn’t complain, though.

“It’ll be fine. It’s just my mom,” Jaemin reassured me, slipping his hand into mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I bet it’s gonna be like any other time you stopped by,” he added, and I cocked up my eyebrow suspiciously.

“You better be right,” I spoke, though still unconvinced. I knew Jaemin’s mother. She had a tendency to be, hmm…, a little bit extra. Who knew how she would behave now when she found out we were dating?

Since Jaemin was carrying our suitcases, I knocked on the front doors. Jaemin’s mom rushed to let us in, but not before she gave us bone-crushing hugs.

“I think you’ve misunderstood. I invited you for dinner. I didn’t ask you to move in with me,” Mrs. Na jested upon seeing the suitcases in Jaemin’s hands, misinterpreting the situation in the funniest way possible. “It must be shocking, but I enjoy living alone with your father.”

“We’re going to the beach with some friends after the dinner,” Jaemin clarified, and his mother hummed in understanding, acting a bit too cool about it. It’s been a while since Jaemin paid them a proper visit, and she was a little too nonchalant for my liking. “They’re going to pick us up around seven.”

She must’ve done something or was about to do something.

“Here’s some wine,” I spoke up, handing her the bottle as a small thank you gift for inviting us over for a delicious home-made meal.

“Thank you, dear. You’re so thoughtful,” Mrs. Na accepted the beverage, guiding us to the dining area. “I didn’t feel like cooking today, so I ordered some Chinese takeout. I hope you don’t mind,” she added, and I chuckled at her typical antics.

She was an amazing mother to Jaemin, raising him well, but she really was a terrible housewife. She didn’t change one bit, and I loved her for it. She had so much love for her husband, her son, and her son’s friends, and that’s what really mattered.

“Your father will be home in thirty,” she announced before she made a beeline to the kitchen to get a bottle opener. “And the takeout was supposed to arrive twenty minutes ago. If it weren’t for that slow delivery guy, I would’ve got away with my little secret,” she blabbered, laughing awkwardly.

“It’s okay, really,” I reassured her, sending her a genuine smile. “I am craving Chinese food, anyway,” I added before I elbowed Jaemin, so he would say something, too. For a blabbermouth he was, right now, he seemed awfully quiet.

Before Jaemin managed to provide his mother with a proper response, someone knocked on the doors. Since we had already arrived, it must’ve been the delivery guy with food.

“I’ll go get it,” Jaemin excused himself, leaving me alone with his mother.

“So…,” Mrs. Na cleared her throat as he began pouring wine into fancy glasses. “You guys are finally dating. And if you want me to be completely honest, I am a little bit disappointed,” she made a pause to look at me in the eye. What? She didn’t approve of me? That’s surprising; I used to think she adored me. “I am a little bit disappointed either of you didn’t make a move sooner. I was slowly losing hope,” she added, and I sighed in relief.

For a while, I was seriously concerned she didn’t like me.

“Are you expecting any guests? There’s no way we can finish it all by the four of us,” Jaemin commented as he walked into the dining room, setting two plastic bags of takeout. It smelled heavenly, and I couldn’t wait to taste whatever dish Mrs. Na had ordered.

“I can always invite your friends inside when they pull up,” she spoke matter-of-factly, but as soon as Jaemin looked at her sternly, she seconded that idea. “Or, I can pack it up, so you can share it with your friends later.”

“Should we wait for dad?” Jaemin asked when his stomach growled, demanding food. In the morning, he was quite anxious about going to his parents’ house, so he didn’t even bother to eat. Now, Jaemin was starving. He couldn’t wait any longer.

“I’ll get the plates,” his mom spoke, not really answering his question. Within two minutes, she came back with a special set of tableware. In their household, it was used only for holidays and other rare occasions. “Dig in,” she urged us, waiting for us to fill our plates before doing the same herself.

Whatever restaurant provided today’s dinner, it was remarkable. It wasn’t too salty, nor too spicy. Even when I was full, I still stuffed my mouth some more, unable to stop myself.

“You have sauce on your chin,” Jaemin remarked, pointing at his own chin, helping me locate the stray drop of soy sauce. “Here,” he added with a tired shake of his head, wiping it clean with his napkin.

“You two are too adorable,” Mrs. Na cooed, smiling at us widely. “It was worth the wait,” she added, and I creased my forehead in confusion. “Oh, did you hear that? It must be your dad,” Mrs. Na said upon hearing noise from the garage. “You keep eating, I’ll go greet his workaholic ass,” she excused herself with a playful smile before walking away from the table to welcome her husband as any loving wife would.

With a deep sigh, Jaemin leaned toward me, resting his arm on my chair.

“It’s not that bad, actually. I was excepting to go through some kind of FBI-level of interrogation, but she seems kind of chill about this whole thing,” Jaemin whispered into my ear, and I giggled, agreeing with him. It was kind of suspicious, but I couldn’t complain.

“It’s kinda creepy when she’s talking like she’s been rooting for us to end up together, but this one thing aside, it’s bearable,” I replied, and Jaemin nodded his head.

“I am gone for a minute, and you’re all over each other,” Mrs. Na snickered when she returned to the dining room, seeing Jaemin leaned in, only inches apart from my face. “Jaemin, mama’s so proud,” she added before she walked around the room to set the plate for Mr. Na.

“Stop embarrassing me,” Jaemin whined, playing with the food on his plate, pouting. Though his mother pretty much ignored his childish tantrum, I chuckled, finding it absolutely adorable. Maybe she was a teaser, but little Jaemin knew, he inherited it from her. It was time he experienced the taste of his own medicine.

The apple doesn’t fall that far from the tree…

The rest of the afternoon went peaceful. Though Mrs. Na threw in some cheesy remarks here and there, we could handle it. We were slightly buzzed, after all.

“It’s time for us,” Jaemin announced as he heard a car parked in front of the house. “It was nice. We should totally do it again,” he sarcastically added when he reached for my coat and helped me put it on.

“Don’t have too much fun,” she added with a playful smirk upon her face, earning a judging look from her more conservative husband. “No, wait, I second that. Have as much fun as you want. I am a cool parent,” she spoke, changing her mind in a matter of seconds. “And I plan on becoming a cool grandparent.”

At first, I wanted to remind her that we’re too young for children. Besides, technically, we only went on one date. It was definitely too soon to even think about these things, let alone talk about them out loud.

Thankfully, before I managed to say something I’d regret, Jiwoo honked, urging us to get going. If it wasn’t for her impatience, I might’ve ruined the image I had built for myself in Jaemin’s parents’ eyes.

“Your mother was joking! Always use protection,” Mr. Na hollered before he closed the doors after us.

***

Except for a few playful comments shot toward Jaemin and me, the ride was peaceful. As soon as we threw our suitcases into the trunk and squeezed in on the backseat, we hit the road. Jamming to Jiwoo’s playlist, we chatted in excitement, all of us in desperate need of a little vacation. It was a stressful time of a year, but maybe this short trip would actually help us recharge the batteries and calm down after busting our asses off.

“How was the dinner?” Jiwoo asked, staring at us in the rearview mirror. Since there was a limited amount of space, I was almost sitting on Jaemin’s laps. Jiwoo didn’t miss it with her eagle eyes. The way Jaemin played with my fingers didn’t go unnoticed, either.

“Bearable,” I muttered under my breath, not really wanting to recollect these memories now. I’d probably tell Jiwoo everything later, and she understood the subliminal message in a heartbeat. “How was your test?”

“I probably failed, but, at least, now I know what to expect,” Jiwoo answered as she turned to the left as the navigation system instructed her to.

In about two hours, we arrived at our destination.

Having stepped into the cabin with our heavy luggage in our hands, we encountered the middle of the party. A handful of beer bottles were scattered around the living area, the boys fervently discussing some matter.

“You’re finally here,” Jaehyun spoke matter-of-factly, as he noticed us in the threshold. “Go upstairs and leave your stuff in your rooms. We’ve already assigned them; just read the post-it notes stuck to the doors,” he explained before he turned away.

Huh, apparently, they were pros at planning.

The guys rented a cabin that consisted of six tiny bedrooms. Generally, we wouldn’t have a problem assigning them; however, since Jaehyun, Lucas, and Johnny didn’t want to room with anyone, we were facing a dilemma. They guys wanted to have some privacy if they managed to pick someone up at the hotel in the neighborhood. In this case, the six of us had to share rooms. Jiwoo and Yeri could room together. Renjun and Chenle could occupy another one, so it looked like they put Jaemin and me in the last one.

Thankfully, it wouldn’t be the first time when I had to share a bed with Jaemin. He had stayed the night plenty of times before when he dozed off during our Netflix marathons. However, it still was to be a little bit awkward since everybody thought we began dating. We were going to pull through, though.

As soon as possible, we came back downstairs, ready to even the score of consumed alcohol. All of us needed it. Everybody had a different reason for it, but none of our troubles were to be discussed tonight.

In the fridge, there was a whole palette of different types of alcohol. Quickly, I grabbed two tequila-flavored beers, handing one to Jaemin, allowing others to choose their poison.

My plan for tonight was to test every kind of alcohol, gradually going up with the percentages. It was a bad idea, but that’s what college was about – having fun like there’re no consequences.

We partied like there’s no tomorrow.

At first, we kept it simple. Fervent conversations led us to shout at one another, trying to force one perspective over the others. We were going through so many subjects that any sober bystander might’ve had real trouble comprehending how we managed to switch among them.

Then, someone suggested playing a drinking game. Of course, it had to be never have I ever. Everybody had so much fun, especially when the participants yelled at Jaemin and me because we didn’t even bother to abide by the rules. We were sipping our drinks whenever we felt like it, even between rounds, and it didn’t sit right with the rest. Eventually, they kicked us out of their little circle, giving us the crucial task of bringing some snacks from the kitchen.

Sometime past midnight, Jiwoo proposed going outside. It was beautifully snowing, but at the same time, it was freezing. Though I was opposed to this idea, everybody seemed to love it. The guys were throwing snowballs at each other, bringing out their inner child.

As if this wasn’t enough, they decided to take a stroll to the seaside. Though our cabin was maybe a mile away from the seashore, I didn’t particularly fancy the saunter. Jaemin was by my side, offering to warm my hand in his pocket, but I still was on the verge of freezing my ass off. I’d much rather sit by the fireplace under a few blankets with a mug of the mulled wine in my grasp. Apparently, everybody besides me was really intrigued by an ice bath and other winter extreme sports.

Though it was dangerous as fuck, Jiwoo took off her shoes and rolled up her jeans before she walked into the ice water of the sea. Being the dumbass he was, Lucas instantly followed suit.

“They seem to hit it off tonight,” I nonchalantly whispered as I elbowed Jaehyun. Jiwoo and Jaehyun might have a thing going on, but neither of them acted on it. Jiwoo was too whipped to make a move, too afraid of rejection. Jaehyun, on the other hand, was just a fuckboy, not really looking for a relationship. “Look at them. Don’t they look cute?” I carried on, cautiously watching Jaehyun’s expression. They weren’t together, but he seemed slightly jealous and frustrated watching her have lots of fun with Lucas.

In my opinion, he didn’t deserve her, but I didn’t really have a say in that matter. Jaehyun was the person Jiwoo’s heart longed for, and I, being her best friend, had to support that. Or, in this case, I had to give him a little push to get things in motion.

Jaehyun had some feelings for Jiwoo, but he needed some time and character development to fully comprehend them. Until then, it was my duty to remind him what he’s missing out on by not being serious enough to ask her out.

“Nah, I wouldn’t call them cute,” Jaehyun murmured through gritted teeth, positively jealous. “What they’re doing is dangerous; somebody has to stop them,” he added before he kicked off his own shoes, running toward Jiwoo to pick her up and bring her back to the shore.

“What was that?” Jaemin asked, being shook as to what he had witnessed.

“What was what? What do you mean?” I smirked, winking at him, hoping he wouldn’t tell anyone about it. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You played him,” Jaemin spoke, still impressed by how easily I manipulated Jaehyun into stepping into the scene, pulling Jiwoo away from Lucas. “Is this even legal? You’ve never done this one me, have you?”

“No, of course, not! Don’t be ridiculous,” I answered, though my tone suggested a completely different message. “You would’ve known, wouldn’t you?” I teased, chuckling at Jaemin’s funny expression. He was mortified. “I think you’re overreacting. I just pointed out some facts, and Jaehyun reacted to them according to his emotional opinion. I really didn’t do anything,” I added, defending my case.

“Don’t you ever try pulling a trick like that on me, okay?” Jaemin stated, and I nodded, giving him a promise. “I mean… I wouldn’t fall for it, but still, don’t.”

“We should head back to the cabin,” Johnny shouted, gathering the gang. Surprisingly, he seemed the most sober amongst us, so it didn’t come as a shock to me that he tried to look after his hammered friends.

In my opinion, it was a perfect call. I was slowly sobering up, and I definitely needed a refill. With my schedule packed, I had no idea when I would have a chance for another getaway, so I had to make the most out of this one.

As we returned to the cabin, Jaehyun’s eyes didn’t leave Jiwoo.

Jaemin, on the other hand, went upstairs to grab his camera, deciding it was the best time to snap photos. Of course, he had to take pictures of us when we were drunk out of our minds. Why didn’t he take any when we looked decent without smudged make-up?

“Sexy,” Jaemin commented as he pointed his camera at me. “Ahh, sexy,” he kept calling me that, and I stuck my tongue at him, wanting him to go away pester someone else. My hair was a mess, and my lipstick smudged off my lips a long time ago. “So sexy,” he carried on, making me roll my eyes at him. At some point, I tried kicking him, but that bastard was beyond my reach.

Around 2 o’clock, one by one, we began feeling tired.

Lucas was the first one to go. Considering how much alcohol he had drunk, I was surprised he lasted that long. Better yet, it was a shock he could even stand straight. Jaemin and Renjun had to escort him upstairs, but nonetheless, his alcohol tolerance was impressive.

I didn’t even realize when, but Yeri and Chenle managed to fall asleep on the couch. Firmly, Renjun shook them away, ordering them to go to their respective rooms. With tired yawns, they made their way upstairs, falling on their beds face-first.

“Let’s go to sleep,” Jaemin pouted as he sat on the side of the armchair, resting his head on my shoulder. Entwining his hand in mine, he stood up, pulling me up.

“Have fun, guys. We’re calling it a night,” I announced, refraining from yawning.

“No, you have fun,” Jiwoo replied, sending us a wink. Shaking my head, I sighed before we disappeared upstairs. I don’t know what she was thinking; however, I didn’t have the energy to keep my eyes open, let alone other nighttime activities. Besides, Jaemin was just as spent. Even if we were in a real relationship, we wouldn’t engage in half-conscious unsatisfactory messy sex.

“Come here,” Jaemin whispered as he smiled. His eyes were already closed as he patted the mattress beside him, waiting for me to join. “Good job. I think we really sold it to everybody,” he added as he snuggled closer, wrapping his limbs around my body.

“That’s good,” I purred, slowly drifting into dreamland. It was a long day, and it was finally over. Though it had a rough beginning, I ended it in Jaemin’s arms. “Good night.”

“Good night, my love,” Jaemin muttered, resting his head on my pillow right beside my face.

“You were supposed to change that name,” I replied, too drunk or/and too tired to realize it was his spoken words and not a text message.

***

During the second week of our relationship, we grew to be less tense around each other. Better yet, we seemed awfully comfortable, almost as if that’s how everything was meant to be. It was a little bit alarming, but I decided not to point that out. Even if it was just an act, I enjoyed it much more than I’d ever dare to admit. As long as it lasted, I was to savor it.

Ever since we came back from the weekend trip, Jaemin would pop up out of nowhere at least once a day with a surprise for me, proving how over the top he could be in courting a woman.

On Monday, he spammed his social media feed with my pictures from the trip. Of course, he didn’t forget to put a corny description under it, making me flustered. Even though I wouldn’t consider myself photogenic, Jaemin managed to bring out my best features with his photography talent and editing skills.

On Tuesday, Jaemin was waiting outside the auditorium with a cute bouquet of my favorite flowers – white roses. He was there to congratulate me on passing my last exam of the semester. The professor would send us results by the end of the week, but according to Jaemin, there was no chance I’d fail it.

“I still don’t get it how you do it,” Jaemin mused, scratching his temple, trying to put two and two together. “I hardly ever see you study, but then, you panic before an exam only to nail it later on. What kind of black magic is this?” He wondered, and I giggled, unable to explain my poor studying technique. I just winged it last minute every single time in my academic career.

“You better be right about this one,” I replied, still anxious about my grade. I didn’t manage to answer all of the questions, so a passing grade would be a relief. “I’m craving pasta. Do you want t go on a celebratory date?”

“You’re reading my mind,” Jaemin said, grabbing my hand, leading me to our favorite restaurant.

On Wednesday, Jaemin invited me to a bowling alley. Every month he would visit the establishment with his friends. Only on rare occasions, their significant others were invited. None of them could really commit to a serious relationship, so it never became a repetitive custom of their group.

“You guys are disgusting,” Haechan whined after our turn. Jaemin and I were losing by an enormous margin, but we didn’t mind. We were having fun despite a low score. “But at least, we’re winning,” Haechan added, pointing at Chenle and himself.

“I am the winner here,” Jaemin boldly announced, giving my hand a light squeeze, making me almost spit my soda.

Everybody cringed at Jaemin’s bold corny statement.

“I second that,” Haechan mused, looking away from Jaemin. “She’s bearable, and you are just absolutely repulsive,” he corrected himself, and I chuckled. Never in my entire life, I thought I would agree on something with Haechan, but this moment occurred right then.

On Thursday, although my schedule was packed with work, Jaemin insisted on hanging out. Tired out of my mind, I let Jaemin inside the apartment. He was carrying Mexican takeout; I couldn’t send him back home. Not when he had goodies.

“What do you want to watch?” I asked as I handed him the remote, allowing him to choose the movie. I was going to pass out anyway, so he might’ve as well picked something he liked.

“Anything is good,” he answered as he unwrapped his quesadilla, taking a bite off of it.

“The Notebook it is then,” I teased, but since Jaemin didn’t stop me, I put it on.

Having eaten my portion of a delicious meal, I lay down on the couch, resting my head on Jaemin’s thighs. I didn’t even realize when I fell asleep. Only when the credits were rolling down on the screen, Jaemin shook me awake.

“When did you fall asleep?” Jaemin inquired, a little bit mad that I forced him to watch the ultimate romantic movie of the twenty-first century. It was toxic as hell, and the way their behavior got romanticized didn’t sit right with me.

“As soon as I lay down,” I answered honestly, as I rolled around, staring at Jaemin’s handsome face. “How did you like the movie?” I asked innocently, swiftly changing the topic. It was for the better if Jaemin didn’t find out I paid no attention to the film. Instead of a great viewing experience, it was just a mere background noise that lulled me to sleep.

“I didn’t,” Jaemin whined, tapping his foot against the floor, making me sit up instantly. “It was toxic and sad at the same time. Noah was a manipulative jerk, and Allie was moody as fuck. The only bright side of their relationship is that they ended up with each other, not ruining other people’s lives,” Jaemin spoke the truth, and I couldn’t agree more. “In conclusion, give me my 2 hours back,” he added, and I hit him with a cushion.

Unable to comprehend what I just did, Jaemin blinked in confusion. Then, a few seconds later, he smirked and grabbed another cushion, ready to fight back.

Unfortunately, our childish antics were interrupted by Jiwoo. She was hanging out with Yuta, studying for the exam they had to retake the next day. To be completely honest, she couldn’t have any worse timing. While watching a movie was explainable, it wasn’t the case when it came to an impromptu pillow fight.

“Should I come back later, or something?” Jiwoo asked, pointing at the doors, willing to leave if it meant for me to get laid.

“Nah, Jaemin’s leaving. I am trying to kick him out, actually,” I announced, sticking my tongue out.

On Friday, Jaemin and I planned on going to the arcade. Unfortunately, we had to raincheck that. One of Jaemin’s coworkers fell sick, and Jaemin had to take a double shift at the coffee shop in his neighborhood.

I already had canceled my other plans to hang out with Jaemin, so I didn’t really want to stay at home all by myself. It was a Friday night, after all. Surprising him at work seemed like a better idea. His friends liked hanging out there; therefore, it must’ve been an excellent excuse for a little bit of acting in order to keep up appearances.

Quickly, I assembled a cute outfit and put on light make-up.

About an hour before the closing, I entered the coffee shop. Except for a few students with their noses in their computers, the establishment was empty.

“Welcome to–,” Jaemin hollered, ready to welcome the customers. “Oh, it’s you. What are you doing here?” He asked as a wide smile spread across his face, enjoying my surprise.

“I just came to surprise you,” I confessed, though none of us paid enough attention to the gravity of my words. I genuinely wanted to hang out Jaemin him as his girlfriend. “And I also wanted to get some discounted goodies. What do you have left?” I asked, looking over his shoulder, trying to see what food didn’t sell yet. An hour before the closing, everything on the menu was discounted by seventy percent, and I just couldn’t walk past that kind of deal.

“You’re not the only one who came for cheap stuff,” Jaemin commented as he saw Haechan and Renjun on the other side of the doors. “Take a seat, I’ll bring you your favorite,” he added, and I smiled at him, walking to the booth by the window.

Having finished my Greek sandwich, I focused on my cup of tea. I was scrolling through social media feed, giggling whenever I stumbled upon a funny meme. It was a perfect evening; complete relaxation in the rhythm of soft foreign jazz music playing through speakers, Jaemin checking up on me once every a couple of minutes.

“Oh, hi, there,” Haechan hollered as soon as he noticed me. He must’ve been returning to his table from a restroom. “I didn’t realize you’re here. What’s up?” We weren’t close, so his question was more like a polite generic statement rather than genuine curiosity.

“I’m waiting for Jaemin to finish, so we can hang out at my place,” I answered, hoping Haechan would get the suggestive tone.

“Actually, there’s something you should know,” he said quietly, looking around, probably checking if Jaemin was within earshot. “I am so ashamed it happened, but I really have to tell you something,” Haechan added, and I couldn’t wait for him to reveal the secret.

Haechan was playing dirty. He wanted to tell me about the bet, ruining Jaemin’s chance at getting me to sleep with him. It was some top-tier double-crossing, and I found it impressive. I had no clue Haechan had it in him.

“We shouldn’t have done it. I don’t know why we even agreed to this,” Haechan added, scratching the back of his head, trying to sound genuinely regretful. “I think Jaemin’s not genuine about the thing you have going on. You see, we made a bet. He has to have sex with you, or else he owes Chenle 500 bucks.”

“What?!” I exclaimed, hoping my consternation was believable. At first, I felt the temptation to say something along, yeah, I know, what’s new, but then I decided to play along. It was actually a good idea to make it seem like Jaemin’s about to lose the bet. Knowing them, they wouldn’t call it off. If anything, Jaemin could double the stakes. “No, it can’t be true. Jaemin would never –“

Now, it was my cue to make a scene. Hopefully, it would play out exactly like in my impromptu prediction.

Reaching the stage of fake hysteria, I rose from my seat and stormed to Jaemin. He was energetically wiping off the tables, wanting to leave shortly after the last customer.

“Is that true? Did you really make a bet you can have sex with me?” I yelled at him through gritted teeth. Jaemin, on the other hand, was confused as fuck. “Did you really think you could get away with it? You disgust me!” I shouted, slapping his cheek. “Don’t ever call me again,” I added before I turned on my heel, storming out of the coffee shop.

Being the only employee at work, Jaemin couldn’t run after me.

Jaemin deserved an explanation. I had to fill him in on my wonderful plan before he would blow it in front of Renjun and Haechan.

my love 💖 | 20:46 | play along

my love 💖 | 20:46 | trust me

my love 💖 | 20:47 | kick them out pls

baNANA 🍓 | 20:47 | wtf???

baNANA 🍓 | 20:48 | that hurt

baNANA 🍓 | 20:48 | I didn’t have to kick them out

baNANA 🍓 | 20:49 | they ran out a few seconds after you

my love 💖 | 20:49 | good

baNANA 🍓 | 20:49 | what the hell is going on???

baNANA 🍓 | 20:50 | I am confused

my love 💖 | 20:50 | Haechan ‘told’ me about the bet

my love 💖 | 20:50 | he wanted to double cross you

baNANA 🍓 | 20:51 | what???

my love 💖 | 20:51 | so the plan is

my love 💖 | 20:51 | they know you don’t stand a chance

my love 💖 | 20:51 | so you double the stakes

my love 💖 | 20:52 | and then bam! we win double the money

baNANA 🍓 | 20:52 | wow

baNANA 🍓 | 20:52 | you’re a genius

my love 💖 | 20:53 | I know

my love 💖 | 20:53 | and since I’m acting like I’m not talking to you

my love 💖 | 20:53 | bye

my love 💖 | 20:54 | see you @ the party!

***

Everything went according to my plan. The guys thought I was pissed with Jaemin, while Jaemin still tried to convince them he stands a chance to court me. It was kind of ironic, they wanted to play me, but it was them getting played.

Together with Jiwoo and Ten, we came extra early to Jaehyun’s party. Still being stuck in friendzone, Jiwoo went out of her way to help him out. Today it meant setting up all types of decorations all over the fraternity house and preparing different kinds of snacks.

Around seven, an Uber pulled up in front of our building. Not to brag, but despite the limited amount of time, we managed to dress up to the nines.

I decided to keep it simple. My outfit consisted of a pair of skinny high-waisted black jeans, a long-sleeved sequin embellished crop top, and a pair of ankle-high boots.

Jiwoo, on the other hand, was wearing a two-piece baby pink dress and a pair of massive mid-thigh black leather platform combat boots. She looked fierce, like a weird baby of 90’s Britney Spears and Marilyn Mason.

Though Ten’s outfit looked the most effortless, it took him longer than us to put it together. Having thrown every single thing from his closet on the bed, Ten experienced a mild crisis. Even though he looked gorgeous in everything, he didn’t seem to believe us. Only after the off-hand intervention, he agreed to play it cool with a pair of ripped jeans, a black shirt with three top buttons left untouched, and an oversized leather jacket.

Once we arrived at Jaehyun’s fraternity, nothing was ready. Thankfully, it wasn’t my problem. Jiwoo was the one who volunteered to help out. Ten and I were about to vibe in the corner, letting other people arrange the place according to Jaehyun’s vision.

Trying our best not to disturb others, Ten and I watched the way the smelly fraternity sex mansion turned into a festive valentine’s manor.

“I hope she’s gonna get laid today,” I whispered into Ten’s ear, looking at Jiwoo working like a busy bee around the house.

“She better; that’s really painful to look at,” Ten agreed, looking a little bit disappointed. Jiwoo was at Jaehyun’s beck and call, and it was about time he acknowledged her feelings.

Around nine o’clock, it was getting a little bit crowded.

Music was blasting through the speakers. Some of the fratboys were already looking for their next conquest. Girls were dancing on a makeshift dance floor in the middle of the living area, suggestively swaying their hips, teasing whoever was watching with their sexy moves.

Later on, when I was in the middle of my fourth drink of the night, Jaemin finally showed up. Together with Haechan, Jeno, Renjun, and Chenle, they walked through the threshold. They all looked great, but Jaemin stood out in the crowd. After all, he was the only one to put on a suit jacket over his white T-shirt. While the rest rocked the comfortable outfits, Jaemin opted for a more elegant look.

Almost as if he wanted to impress someone. Or at least, apologize properly, trying every sly trick to make me forgive him.

Upon entrance, his eyes searched me in the crowd, and when he met my gaze, a smile stretched across his face. Shyly, he raised his hand, wanting to wave at me, but since I stubbornly turned my head around, playing my role of offended woman, he lowered it.

“I’ve seen an ATM on our way here,” Renjun commented, knowing Jaemin didn’t stand a chance of winning the bet.

“It won’t be necessary,” Jaemin replied, following me with his gaze. “I didn’t lose it yet,” he added, and the guys laughed at him. There was no way he still thought he could woo me. “I still have a few hours left; I am not going to give up.”

“You’re such a loser,” Jeno interjected as regret washed through him. Although he didn’t actively participate when the bet was placed, he didn’t oppose it. He was an idle bystander, allowing other people to ruin our friendship. It didn’t sit right with him, but it was too late. The damage was already done, and Jaemin was going to embarrass himself even further. “She doesn’t deserve any of this.”

“It’s not like that,” Jaemin started, but he refused to explain how exactly it was like.

“You’re still gonna fail,” Haechan added with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. Back at the coffee shop, he ruined Jaemin’s chance for success. “Hey there, beautiful,” Haechan spoke when his attention was snatched by one of the girls who walked past them.

Once the boys divided to greet other friends, Jaemin strolled to the kitchen. I was there, and he needed to initiate the first step of our plan.

Sincere apology.

“Can we talk?” Jaemin whispered as he reached out to grab my hand, interrupting my conversation with Ten and Yeri. “Let me explain. You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to listen to me,” he asked, and I unwillingly complied, letting him lead me toward an abandoned corner in the living area. No one could hear us talk, but at the same time, everybody could see us.

“What do you want, Jaemin,” I barked, folding my arms across my chest, startling myself with how good I managed to behave like an angry ex-girlfriend. Though it was my last semester, maybe I should change my major to professional acting.

“Wow. You’re too good at this,” Jaemin commented before he proceeded with his part. “Anyway, I made this card for you. I hope it finds you well,” he announced before he pulled an envelope out of the inner pocket of his suit jacket.

Cautiously, I took the valentine’s card out of the envelope. Once I saw the front page, I couldn’t help but laugh. Jaemin must’ve done it himself, or he stole it from Jeno’s four-year-old niece. It was all covered in hearty stickers and glitter.

Jaemin definitely wasn’t a poet. He had never stood next to one, either.

Instead of a heartfelt apology and love confession, there was a short corny message which simultaneously made me cringe and chuckle.

Are you a ba-NANA? Cause I find you a-peeling.

From Your Love

P.S. it’s from me, your Jaemin

“You’ve really outdone yourself,” I spoke, shaking my head, trying my best not to grin. I was supposed to hate him, but it was too difficult. “I am gonna walk away now. Approach me once you raise the stakes.”

Although I didn’t want to party without Jaemin by my side, it was what I had to do. Having sent him a faint smile, I turned around and walked away, giving Jaemin some time to initiate part two of our plan.

Having drunk a few fancy shots Ten had made for me, we hit the dance floor. At first, we just jumped in the rhythm. However, when the DJ played the song we had practiced at the dance studio, everybody stepped to the side, making enough room to let us perform the choreography.

With alcohol coursing in my system, my moves weren’t as precise as usual – they still earned a round of applause.

“Hey, hey, hey, are you having fun?” Drunk as a skunk, Jaehyun shouted through the microphone connected to the DJ’s console. “How about we slow up the tempo?” Jaehyun yelled, and everybody cheered, making a lot of noise. “Tonight’s the love festival, and I, the valentine’s boy, specifically request every find a person to slow dance with.”

Having set the microphone aside, Jaehyun pushed DJ away from the console, putting on his Cigarettes After Sex playlist. The first song which graced our ears was Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You.

“Can I have this dance?” Jaemin appeared out of nowhere by my side, extending his hand for me to take. “Please?” He looked into my eyes, waiting for my response, looking hopeful.

As soon as I nodded, Jaemin grabbed my hand and gently pulled me against his firm body, resting his left hand on my back, holding me still, making sure I’d not run away. With my head resting against his chest, we swayed slowly, getting lost in our little world.

“They think I am a terrible person,” Jaemin whispered into my ear, his breath tickling my skin. “They seriously think I’d try to ruin our friendship with this bet,” he carried on, and I hummed, taking an inhale, getting hit with Jaemin’s musky cologne.

The boys truly underestimated the power of our friendship. Jaemin and I told each other almost everything. It was bold of them to assume I had no idea about the bet.

“Don’t worry about it,” I replied as I had closed my eyes, getting lost in the moment. “Everything will come back to normal soon enough,” I added, trying to ignore the bittersweet taste of my statement. Our fake relationship had an expiration date, and it was near.

“You’re right. Everything will come back to normal,” Jaemin repeated my words as he rested his chin on top of my head, pulling me even closer. “You’re the best fake girlfriend I’ve ever had,” he added, pressing an innocent peck against my hairline.

“How many fake girlfriends have you had?” I asked, chuckling, sounding a bit jealous.

“Anyway,” Jaemin started, trying to change the subject. “The guys took the bait. And now, judging by the stupid looks on their faces, they’re shitting their pants.”

“Once the song is over, we should initiate the third phase of our plan,” I commented, wanting to be over with this. In about a minute, I was about to pull Jaemin out of the dance floor and lead him to the bathroom upstairs, where we would do the deed.

When another song from Jaehyun’s playlist echoed in the room, all the other couples kept dancing. Jaemin and I, on the other hand, were about to not so discreetly sneak upstairs.

Unfortunately, we met an obstacle on our path.

It was Jaehyun, pointing his phone at our faces.

“It’s a kiss cam. Do what you gotta do,” he spoke, and I creased my forehead in utter confusion. What the hell was he doing? What the hell was a kiss cam? It was a frat party, not a baseball match. Didn’t he have a beer pong championship to win or something?

“What?”

“Do I really have to explain this to everyone? Jesus,” Jaehyun complained, taking a deep sigh, trying to ease his irritation. “It’s Valentine’s day! I am Valentine’s boy! And this is a kiss cam. You kiss, and I take pictures,” he explained, but I wasn’t convinced. “Hurry up! I have to take like 50 more of them.”

At first, I didn’t want to do it. But then, a thought crossed my mind. Who would believe Jaemin and I had sex if I refused to give him a kiss. It was just one kiss; it wouldn’t hurt.

Having licked my lips, I smiled at Jaemin before I wrapped my hands around his neck, giving him a chaste smooch. It lasted maybe a few seconds, but it still made me uneasy. Even if it was just a brief peck, it was too much for my poor heart.

“What the fuck was that?” Jaehyun groaned in disappointment. “One more time, guys. That’s how you kiss your mother, not your girlfriend. You can do better.”

“Show him how it’s done, Jaemin,” I encouraged him, giving him permission to assault my lips, hoping it would happen to be one hell of a performance.

Having smirked, Jaemin leaned forward, pressing his lips gently against mine. Cautiously, he deepened the kiss, knocking the air out of my lungs, making my legs shake under my weight. His hands held my chin in place as his tongue slipped through my lips.

Out of a sudden, nothing else mattered. Jaemin and I were in our bubble, and despite it being a one-time thing, I wished it lasted forever. Whatever expectations I had about this moment, it wasn’t even close to reality.

Jaehyun cleared his throat, wanting to pull us out of our trance. In vain, though. I moved my lips against Jaemin’s in slow sync, letting the sweet sensation strip me of the last remains of dignity. I was to savor every second of it, basking in bliss.

“Ekhem,” Jaehyun grunted, starting to feel a little bit flustered. “You guys done?”

Once we broke apart to take a breath, Jaehyun spoke again.

“Have you seen Jiwoo, by the way?”

“Yeah, I think she went for a smoke with Lucas,” I answered casually, watching panic display on Jaehyun’s face. It was evident he didn’t fancy the newfound information. “She went outside like half an hour ago, though. I wonder what it takes them so long,” I added, planting another grain of doubt in his subconscious.

As soon as anxiety downed on him, Jaehyun bolted outside. He better, though. If Jaehyun wasn’t going to make a move on Jiwoo tonight, I was about to find another guy to ship her with.

“You did it again,” Jaemin pointed out, and I just shrugged, dismissing his comment. So what? One push in the right direction wasn’t enough for Jaehyun to grow up, so I decided to be generous enough to give him a second chance.

“Are you ready for phase three?” I asked Jaemin, but before he managed to reply, I grabbed his hand, pulling him across the dance floor. Giggling, I ran through the sea of people, not so accidentally bumping into Chenle, almost spilling his beer.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry,” I hollered, giggling. Now, when I had Chenle’s attention, we could sneak upstairs to proceed with the final step of our plan. “Come on, Jaemin, let’s go. I am horny,” I added, probably overdoing my part. Unfortunately, the words were already spoken. I couldn’t take them back.

Having locked the bathroom doors behind us, I jumped onto the countertop. “Don’t you think it’s a bit creepy they’re gonna eavesdrop on us bang? It’s kinda off-putting, you know…”

When Jaemin wanted to speak, somebody knocked on the doors. It must’ve been one of Jaemin’s friends, checking if we were indeed fucking. “It’s occupied,” Jaemin hollered, mentioning for me to start my performance.

“Fuck, Jaemin! Eat me out, already,” I yelled, pressing my hands against my mouth, trying to stifle my laugher. This situation was ridiculous, and I couldn’t help myself but giggle. I had only a few drinks, yet I felt like I was high as a kite. “Yes, like that! Ahhh…”

“Can’t wait to fuck that tight hole,” Jaemin played along, almost dying of alcohol-induced tittering. We were definitely having too much fun.

“Right there, Jaemin!” I screamed, holding my stomach as it began aching due to excessive cackling. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, right there,” I moaned loudly, kicking my head back. “Don’t tease me, please!”

“I gotta get you ready for my cock, love,” Jaemin growled, and I gasped, my mind conjuring the forbidden image®.

“Just fuck me! I need your cock inside of me now!” I groaned, hoping whoever was on the other side of the doors heard enough of what was going inside. “Mmmm… you stretch me out so well…” I purred, almost falling off the counter when another round of uncontrollable laughter tried to erupt from my throat.

“Fuck, you’re still so tight.”

“Jaemin! Fuck, I am close. Keep going,” I yelled, mentally preparing for the big finale. This whole act was a vocal performance, and it was time I finished. “I’m coming! Come with me!”

“It was spectacular,” Jaemin whispered so only I could hear him. “I have one more favor, though,” he added, shying away. Oh no, he was about to ask about something stupid.

“What is it?”

“It could’ve been some random dude,” he admitted, scratching the back of his head, unsure how to voice his supplication. “Give me your panties. It’ll be the definite proof.”

“You’re joking,” I deadpanned, staring into his eyes, waiting for him to say it was just a harmless prank. “You’re serious,” I added as soon as I realized Jaemin meant it.

“Come on, I won’t be sniffing them,” Jaemin nagged, and I rolled my eyes. I didn’t even think about it, but now that he mentioned it, I had another reason not to comply with his weird-ass request. “I’ll give them back, I promise.”

“I can’t believe I am considering this,” I cursed under my breath. If any other person would like such a favor from me, I’d deny it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I had a soft spot for Jaemin, so denying him didn’t come easy to me.

Hell, I wouldn’t be here if I was able to say no to him.

“You owe me big time,” I caved in, jumping off the countertop, stepping behind the shower curtain, providing myself with some privacy. “Don’t peek. Even if I slip, you gotta stay on the other side. Got it?” I added as I stuck my head through the curtain.

“Scout’s honor,” Jaemin pledged, and I rolled my eyes. He was a scout for maybe a week. His honor didn’t mean shit.

Clumsily, I took off my shoes and jeans. “Here,” I warned before I threw my panties over the curtain. “I am too sober for this,” I nagged, trying to put my skinny jeans back on.

“Let’s do celebratory shots!” Jaemin suggested, balling up my undergarments, hiding them in his pocket. “We deserve it,” he added, landing me a helping hand when I was stepping out of the shower.

“Let’s go.”

***

Needless to say, Jaemin won the bet.

Unfortunately, it meant the inevitable end of our fake relationship. It was fun when it lasted, and though I’d miss these times, it was time to set the record straight.

As we had discussed, we had to arrange our break up.

Sometime next week, Jaemin stopped by to give me half of the prize. Since the boys had been stupid enough to fall for our little charade, I received a large sum of money. It was Chenle who sponsored the prize. Because of that, I didn’t feel particularly sorry about deceiving them. After all, Chenle was so loaded; he wouldn’t notice if he lost that kind of money on the street. I could finally buy these shoes which I had been dreaming of for so long! Better yet, I'd still have some money left to spoil myself some more.

“How should we do it?” Jaemin asked quietly. Ever since he came, he avoided my gaze, staring at the floor.

“I don’t know,” I unwillingly answered. This conversation was the last thing I wanted to do right now, but it had to be done. Better sooner or later, before I’d catch some real feelings for Jaemin. I had no idea how I would pick up the pieces of my broken heart if we kept this act any longer. “Let’s just delete all posts we published. Someone will figure out something’s wrong, and when they spread the word, we’ll explain we decided to remain friends.”

Maybe I wasn’t in tears, but I felt regret wash through me. Though our relationship had never been a real thing, it felt like it.

And it hurt.

“Alright then,” Jaemin complied, rubbing his hands against his thighs before he pulled out his phone to erase any digital footprint of our brief romance. His thumb hovered over the delete button for a while. After a few moments of hesitation, when he didn’t hear any sign of protest from my side, he pressed it, sending our memories to a bottomless void. “And it’s gone.”

“Are we cool?” I asked, hoping that nothing would change between us. I had a hunch it would take me some time to get used to how things had been before the relationship fiasco. Nonetheless, I still had hope we could remain best friends without any awkwardness.

“Of course,” Jaemin answered with a faint smile, but I didn’t fully believe him. Something was off, and it bothered us. Shame that none of us dared to begin this topic.

After he left that day, we saw each other very seldom. We barely even spoke to one another. If it wasn’t for the group chats we were both in, we wouldn’t talk at all.

Jaemin had said we were cool, but it was evident we weren’t.

It was eating me from the inside out, but whenever somebody asked me about the break-up, I’d always shrug it off, confirming everything’s great. I would tell our friends nothing changed between us. There was nothing wrong; our schedules are just incompatible these days.

When I had pretended I was in a relationship with Jaemin, it was easy. It came naturally, and everyone ate it up without any second thoughts. Unfortunately, now, when I was trying to play it cool, no one seemed to buy it. Thankfully, they didn’t confront me about it. Instead, they offered me their support if I ever needed anything.

In my head, I had a few wild scenarios in which I tell Jaemin we should date for real. However, at the same time, a little devil on my shoulder was telling me it should never leave the realm of fantasy. It’s ridiculous to think Jaemin would reciprocate my feelings.

I felt as if sadness took over my body. Though I was smiling on the outside, I was filled with regret. Barely anything sparked joy these gloomy days. Even this pair of shoes, which I wanted so badly, didn’t stir any positive emotion. I bought them, but I never took them out of the box.

Jiwoo had taken me out on a few girls’ nights to make me feel better. Men are trash – she would always say when Jaehyun ignored her yet another text. Even though they had fucked each other at Jaehyun’s birthday party and agreed to become exclusive, Jaehyun still had lots of problems committing to a monogamous relationship. They hadn’t officially labeled it, but everyone knew Jaehyun was slowly caving in.

Fratboys’ habits die hard, but Jaehyun was finally shaping himself into boyfriend material. He no longer slept around, as far to my knowledge at least, but he still lacked in some departments. For instance, it would take him way too much to text back.

“You were so adorable together,” Jiwoo began after she gulped down another rum and coke. Despite her high alcohol tolerance, she was already drunk, speaking with no filter. “I mean… you were simping for him for so long, and you finally managed to jump that dick.”

“Your point being…” I inquired, finishing my drink. Though Jaemin and I had never had sex, I didn’t want to admit that. What would Jiwoo thought if I told her it was all-pretend?

“I shipped you guys so hard,” Jiwoo confessed. “Ten shipped you too, but he will never admit that,” she added, and I giggled. Now, that was an interesting take. Ten was so random at many aspects of life; it came to me as a surprise he even had an opinion on my relationship with Jaemin. “Can I just take some duck tape and put my ship back together?”

“I am not sure Jaemin would like that,” I answered with a sigh, my mood instantly decreasing.

“Nonsense,” Jiwoo replied in a heartbeat. “This guy is even worse than you,” she revealed, and I rolled my eyes, not buying this. At least a few times a week, at my lowest moments, I happened to check Jaemin’s social media updates. He didn’t seem to mope around at all.

“I find it hard to believe,” I muttered, trying not to get too emotional.

“I mean it,” Jiwoo confirmed her previous statement, eager to explain her thesis. “Jaehyun and I went on a little date to the coffee shop where Jaemin works,” she started, and I nodded, not really sure what she was getting at. Nonetheless, I let her continue. I was curious what Jaemin had been up to. And since he didn’t seem to want to tell me anything himself, I’d accept any type of second-hand information from Jiwoo. “Jaemin misses you. You have no idea how many times I caught him daydreaming. He still has your photo set on his lock screen, and he stares at it a lot.”

Now, that’s interesting.

I had no recollection of Jaemin ever setting my photo as his background picture. Even if Jiwoo was right, it meant he set after we had broken up. It made no sense at all, and I was too drunk to try to comprehend the meaning of this.

Instead, I ordered another round, trying to stifle all the brooding emotions within me.

***

February was the month of parties. Too many birthdays fell during this hectic period, and I had trouble keeping up with them. Fortunately, Ten’s party was the last one of the month. After a small get together at our place, I’d have some time off to relax by myself, most preferably, without alcohol.

Being the semi-hosts with Jiwoo, it was our duty to help Ten organize everything regarding his party. Though our trio was a little bit disorganized, somehow, we managed to get everything ready before anyone arrived.

Maybe it wasn’t comparable to birthday parties at fraternity houses; it still had its charm. It wasn’t as wild, but guests still were having a great time in the company of their closest friends. However, what was the most important, Ten had a blast.

It was his day; he deserved everything he wanted.

Trying my best not to embarrass Ten, I decided to socialize with his friends.

It was time I move on. It took me way too long to mourn a relationship that wasn’t even real. I couldn’t let my brooding mood ruin the party.

“Hmm… Ten has never mentioned you before,” I confessed, not finding it particularly odd. Ten didn’t have secretive nature; he just wasn’t the type of person to over-share. And he often forgot to even mention stuff about his personal life.

“I can’t say I am surprised,” Hendery replied, making me giggle. It was fun chatting with him. Hendery was hilarious, and he knew many secrets regarding Ten. It was my mission to get as much information from him as it was possible. I would need it for blackmailing purposes, of course.

Hiding out in the kitchen, we sipped beer and exchanged rumors as if we were two gossip girls. It was too entertaining to stop. I was incredibly immersed in the conversation; I didn’t even realize when someone tapped my shoulder.

“Can we talk?” I heard the question, recognizing the voice in an instant. It belonged to Jaemin, and it seemed to be laced with both jealousy and irritation. The way he phased his plea gave me flashbacks of the conversation we had at Jaehyun’s party.

I really wanted to continue my discussion with Hendery, but I couldn’t say no to Jaemin. It wasn’t how my brain was programmed. Besides, I missed him a lot.

“Excuse me, I’ll be right back,” I told Hendery before I grabbed Jaemin’s hand, leading him to my room, locking the doors behind us.

“Nothing was supposed to change,” Jaemin started as he sat at the edge of my bed, leaning forward with his upper body propped on his elbows. His gaze was trained on the floor, too frustrated to look up at me.

“I know,” I whispered as I sat down in my chair on the other side of the room. My first instinct was to kneel in front of Jaemin, kiss his forehead, and assure him that everything’s going to be alright.

Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like a good idea, so I refrained from doing so. “I am sorry, it’s my fault.”

“Don’t,” Jaemin interjected before I embarrassed myself even further. “We’re both at fault.”

Despite the loud party noises coming from the other side of the doors, my bedroom was filled with deafening silence. It was awfully uncomfortable, and it was probably a good thing. One of us would get annoyed eventually and cave in, letting out all the bottled up emotions.

“I missed you,” I admitted, staring at my hands. I was all fidgety, and although I was too embarrassed to reveal my inner feelings, Jaemin deserved to know this much.

“I missed you, too,” he genuinely confessed, showing me a shy smile. “Actually, I missed you more than I thought it was possible to miss a person,” Jaemin carried on, and I held my breath, not ready to hear whatever he had to say. “You have no idea how much I wanted to text you or call you, but ultimately decided not to because I was sure you don’t want me to.”

“Jaemin,” I spoke, not really sure what I should say next. I had too many things I wanted to tell him about. However, now when he was here, I couldn’t properly voice my thoughts.

“Are you dating this guy you were talking to in the kitchen?” Jaemin asked out of the blue, catching me off guard with this random accusation. “Or do you want to date him? You two looked like you’re having a great time together,” he added, and I rolled my eyes. At first, Jaemin acted on his jealously, but then, insecurity crept in.

“I don’t know. I met Hendery today, but he seems like a great guy,” I answered honestly, thinking of possibilities of me trying to pursing something of romantic nature with Hendery. After our brief encounter, I could tell he’s fun to be around. And honestly speaking, I might’ve considered dating him if I hadn’t already had feelings for someone else.

Unfortunately, right now, I wasn’t in the right state of mind to date. Not when I was still hung up on my best friend.

“I probably won’t, though. I like somebody else,” I confessed, gaining Jaemin’s interest. Instantly, he sat up, staring into my eyes, patiently waiting for the reveal. “I am stupid, but I like this one guy. He’s such a jerk, I can’t even… he’s been ghosting me for weeks now,” I carried on, hoping Jaemin would get the hint.

Two weeks ago, we promised each other nothing would change. Despite our good intentions, it did. Even though I hadn’t told Jaemin how I really felt, I still lost my best friend.

My silence didn’t save this friendship. I tried to bottle up my emotions to secure our unbreakable bond. It didn’t work, so I figured confessing my feelings wouldn’t do any more harm. Surely, Jaemin was going to reject me, but at least, I’d clear the air between us.

Hopefully, my confession, followed by a harsh rejection, would help me move on.

Instantly, Jaemin ran up to my chair and knelt in front of me, trying to look into my eyes. “Please tell me this jerk is me,” Jaemin urgently spoke, unable to handle any more suspense. Jaemin’s gaze was hopeful, and it was too much for me to comprehend.

“What?” I asked, still being overwhelmed by confusion. What was going on? Why was Jaemin on his knees in front of me? Nothing made sense. How was I supposed to wrap my head around it? “I mean… yeah, it’s you. Who else could it be?”

“You have no idea how sorry I am,” Jaemin confessed as he grabbed my hand and yanked me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me, giving me a tight hug. “You could’ve said something… anything,” he added as he pulled back his head, placing a chase kiss against my forehead.

“I didn’t want to scare you away,” I admitted quietly, unable to break free from Jaemin’s cone-crashing embrace. I couldn’t believe he was so close. Na Jaemin was holding me in his arms, letting me listen to his rapid heartbeat.

“The worst two weeks of my life,” Jaemin spoke, once again breaking the silence. “It felt at least like two centuries,” he added, making me chuckle. Of course, it was an exaggeration, but it’s how I felt, too.

“How about we start over?” I proposed, taking a step backward to have a proper look at him. “Will you go on a date with me? This time around for real, no pretending,” I carried on, trying not to grin like an idiot.

“No.”

“What?”

What the fuck was that?

Did I misunderstand Jaemin’s words? I thought he felt the same, but apparently, he didn’t? Everything suggested he followed my flow only to crush my expectations, later on, leaving a big ass scar and more trust issues.

“I mean yes, but I should be me asking you out. Definitely not the other way around,” Jaemin clarified, making me relax. Thankfully, my mini panic attack was uncalled for. It was just my brain over-analyzing everything, conjuring the worst possible scenario.

“Then you better do your best to woo me,” I teased, wondering if he was willing enough to take the bait. It was just a mere joke, reminding me how it all began. He had wooed me once, and I wasn’t going to oppose to a second attempt. “Fun dates, romantic messages, silly gifts. I want it all,” I added, going a little bit overboard with my request list.

“Everything can be arranged,” Jaemin replied with a lopsided smile before he tightened his grip, almost crashing my bones in the process.

***

Jaemin and I began dating. This time around, it was real; no more pretending, no more stupid bets. Just two people who had discovered friendship could never be enough.

Even though I had told Jaemin I was just joking about this whole wooing thing, he refused to accept it, going to extreme lengths to make my heart flutter. I was already stupidly in love with him, yet he kept trying to make me swoon even more.

Despite our busy schedules, we made sure to see each other every day. It could’ve been a date at the arcade or just a quick coffee or a video call. In all honestly, I gladly accepted any form of contact from Jaemin.

I hated the prospect of going through a day without any message from him.

Except for many mini and maxi dates, Jaemin would also spoil me with plenty of encouraging notes of many kinds. Each massage from Jaemin was even sillier from the previous one. He never ceased to amaze me.

At first, Jaemin would stick post-it notes in different places in my room. Whenever I paid no attention, he would quickly write one for me to find it later. Whenever I saw sleep tight message stuck to my bedpost or you looked extra sexy today attached to the mirror, I smiled like an idiot, imaging Jaemin writing it.

If Jaemin forgot about post-it notes, he would always make it up to me by sending me corny direct messages. We would always text each other before sleep, and Jaemin never failed to make me smile with words such as:

If you happen to have wet dreams of me, you gotta tell me everything that happened. We can recreate it later.

I saw some sexy lingerie on my way home. Your ass would look amazing in it. I’m gonna buy it for you when I get my paycheck.

You’re the reason I wake up in the morning. Just kidding, I have to pee.

Whenever we went out, Jaemin would also scribble something either on a napkin or on a receipt. One time, Jaemin even gave a crumbled piece of paper that he was carrying in his pocket for some reason.

You know I’d give you my kidney, right? And a piece of the liver if you ask nicely. I hope you would do the same for me.

When we have kids, I’ll let you name the first one. Don’t fuck it up.

You’re my favorite pain in the ass.

You are stuck with me. You better get used to it.

Messy notes weren’t sufficient for Jaemin. Although I was more than content with the attention and affection he was giving me, it wasn’t enough for Jaemin. With each massage, he had to out-do himself.

Jaemin even wrote me a song! Or at least, he tried to write me a song. It was really bold of him to assume I didn’t know the lyrics to Jonas Brothers’ Sucker. I loved this song, and even though I perfectly knew it wasn’t Jaemin’s piece of work, I still appreciated the gesture.

Later on, his love letters reached another level of ridiculousness. Jaemin sent me a love e-mail, and if that doesn’t prove how extra he can get, I don’t know what can.

Jaemin didn’t stop there. No, it was just a warm-up.

When I was checking the mailbox, I found a paper plane stuck in between bills. Jaemin must’ve put it there, probably after one of his frequent visits to my apartment. Though the paper plane was a little bit crumbled, I found it incredibly adorable. On its wing, it had “open me” written with Jaemin’s messy handwriting. Inside there was a corny message that turned my insides in absolute cringe.

Your wings already exist. All you have to do is fly.

A few days later, Jaemin gave me a CD with the love playlist he had made for me. Carefully, he had chosen our favorite songs and burned them on a disc. I had no means to actually play it, but I adored the gesture.

Jaemin’s creativity did not disappoint. At this point, he might send me a love letter via a fax machine, and I wouldn’t be surprised. There were no limitations to his imagination, and it was one of the many things I loved about him.

Neither of us dropped the L-bomb yet, but we really didn’t need to. Though that dreaded word has yet to be spoken, we perfectly knew how we felt about each other. We would do anything for one another; no doubt in that.

Having exceeded my expectations, Jaemin proved himself worthy of being my boyfriend. Or rather, he showed me he was way out of my league. When he was bending over backward, I was passively basking in the glory of Jaemin’s confessions. Relationships were about giving and taking, and it seemed our balance was off.

It was time we switched roles. It was only fair if I tried to creep my way into his heart the way he had been wooing mine.

As soon as I cleaned up the apartment and pampered myself a little bit, I pulled out my phone, quickly texting Jaemin. Hopefully, he wasn’t that busy.

my love 💖 | 18:12 | U want to come over?

baNANA 🍓 | 18:16 | 😏

baNANA 🍓 | 18:16 | You miss me???

my love 💖 | 18:17 | 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡

my love 💖 | 18:17 | nvm forget I asked

baNANA 🍓 | 18:17 | 😧 😧 😧

baNANA 🍓 | 18:18 | I’ll be in an hour

baNANA 🍓 | 18:18 | want me to bring anything?

my love 💖 | 18:19 | nah, just get your cute butt over here

baNANA 🍓 | 18:19 | ?????

baNANA 🍓 | 18:19 | are you high??

baNANA 🍓 | 18:19 | should I be concerned?

Okay, I had an hour to prepare something for our impromptu date. It was fine; it was more than enough than I needed. The apartment was already clean, so I just had to whip something to eat and cool the bubbles.

For some reason, I felt in a celebratory mood. Whatever tempo Jaemin and I had, it worked in two week periods. We had fake-dated for fourteen days before we called it quits. Then, we didn’t talk to each other for two weeks. Tonight another period came by, and I wanted to celebrate it, hoping to break the unfortunate chain of bad luck.

The alcohol was already in the refrigerator. Having put on an apron, I opened all the cabinets around the kitchen, quickly analyzing the ingredients and what I can make out of them. It wasn’t much, but pasta would have to be enough.

It wasn’t a fancy dish, but I was made it with love, so Jaemin shouldn’t have any complaints. Pouring my emotions into the pasta was to make it extra flavorful.

When the sauce was slowly cooking on the stove, I decorated the table. I wanted to provide Jaemin with some high-end restaurant experience despite being in my cramped apartment. It was the best thing out of two words; we had all privacy in the world offered by a homely atmosphere, but at the same time, we would eat some beautifully garnished food.

Just when I was about to drain the pasta, someone knocked on the doors.

“Coming,” I hollered before I put the pot in the sink, wiping my hands on the apron before making my way to answer the doors. “Hey there, beautiful,” I greeted Jaemin with a playful remark, standing on my toes to press a brief smooch on his adorable lips. It took him off guard, but in some sense, he liked it.

“Hey, it’s my line,” Jaemin nagged when his hands found purchase on my hips, bringing me closer for another kiss since one was never enough. “What do you have there? It smells delicious,” Jaemin turned his head, trying to peek inside to see what surprise I had prepared for him.

“You know, just some carbs,” I answered vaguely, sending him a playful smirk, not wanting to ruin the surprise. I wanted him to sit down at the table and wait for me to bring the whole dish and pour us some cheap champagne.

Jaemin took off his shoes, kicking them to the side. A second later, he handed me his coat, and I put it on the hanger. Jaemin was wearing a pair of gray jeans and a mint oversized hoodie, and I drooled over this comfortable look. He didn’t have to try hard to impress me.

“Just wait here. I’ll be back in a sec,” I spoke when I guided Jaemin to the table, forcing him to sit down in the chair. Jaemin wanted to help me out in the kitchen, but I firmly refused. Tonight I wished to impress Jaemin; he didn’t have to move a finger.

“I know it’s not much, but I hope you’ll still like it,” I whispered when I put a plate in front of him. “Dig in,” I added as I sat on the other side of the table, carefully trying to pop the champagne bottle open. Though I hated doing it, too afraid of breaking something or hurting someone, tonight I wanted to try it.

“What’s the occasion,” Jaemin wondered as he fondly watched me fight with the bottle. “Do you need some help? You’re gonna hurt yourself,” Jaemin offered, genuinely concerned about my safety. However, I just turned around, wanting to finish it by myself.

It took me good five minutes to pop it. And when I finally did it, Jaemin gave me a round of pitiful applause, officially declaring it’s his job from now on.

“It was just painful to watch,” Jaemin playfully commented, and I kicked his shin under the table, showing him how much appreciated his remark was. “So… what’s the occasion?”

“Do I really need to have a reason to spoil my boyfriend?” I innocently asked, batting my eyelashes, and Jaemin smiled at the word boyfriend. We had never discussed labels, but it was self-explanatory we were in a loving relationship. “I figured it’d be nice to give you some more attention,” I absentmindedly added as I reached for my phone to play some soft EDM music through the Bluetooth speaker.

“Is that it?” Jaemin wondered, gazing into my eyes, searching for any ulterior motive I might have. “Are you sure you’re not trying to butter me up before you say something I may not like? What did you do?” Jaemin inquired, and I chuckled loudly.

“Calm down, Na,” I spoke, making Jaemin look up at me once again. I only called him by his surname when I was extra affectionate, so he was curious what I was going to say. “I just wanted to hang out with you. That’s all,” I confessed, but Jaemin scrutinized his eyes, not really buying my innocent talk. “Okay, fine. There’s one more thing.”

“What is it?” Jaemin inquired, grinning at me.

“Can’t you already tell? I am trying to woo my way into your pants, duh,” I confessed, and Jaemin choked on his champagne as he did not expect this wording. “Your heart! I meant to say into your heart,” I corrected when I realized my little Freudian slip. “Wait, no, screw it. I second that. I want to get into both.”

“You’ve already got into one,” Jaemin declared with a lopsided smirk pinned to his face. “But... if you don’t suspect it already, you’re welcome in both,” he added mischievously, taking a sip of his alcohol. I, on the other hand, looked away, feeling the heat in my cheeks.

“Good to know.”

“Where are Jiwoo and Ten by the way?” Jaemin wondered as he looked around the apartment, finding it suspicious they didn’t crash our date yet. Under typical circumstances, Jiwoo or Ten would haul another chair to the table and steal the food, third-wheeling our date.

“Ten is at the dance studio. He’s having a dance competition next week, so he goes there every time he has some free time to practice. And Jiwoo is with Jaehyun. He came here to pick her up a few hours ago. I don’t think either of them is coming home anytime soon,” I explained, smirking. We had the place to ourselves.

Finally, we could bask in each other’s company without any intrusive guests.

“I’d like to cheers to that,” Jaemin raised his glass, clinking it gently against mine.

Having eaten the food, we moved to the couch.

“What now?” Jaemin asked as he stretched his arm, resting it on the back of the couch right over my shoulders.

“I have one more surprise,” I announced before I jumped to my feet. “Wait a second,” I added before bolting to my bedroom.

“What is it?” Jaemin inquired, having no clue what else I could surprise him with. “What do you have there?” He pressed, tilting his head to the side, trying to see what I was hiding behind my back.

“Let’s take some pictures,” I announced in excitement, showing him my Polaroid camera. “I finally bought some film, and I really want our photo in my wallet,” I added as I plopped down onto the couch, resting my head against Jaemin’s chest. “You take it,” I ordered, handing him the camera. After all, he was the prodigy of photography. Besides, his hands were longer than mine.

“I think that’s more than enough,” Jaemin spoke after snapping the twelfth picture.

Having put the camera on the coffee table, he wrapped his arms around me. Jaemin pulled me on his laps, embracing me tightly, placing a round of pecks against my temple.

“Wait! One more thing,” I hollered, leaning forward to reach for the envelope which was lying on the coffee table next to our photos.

“You can’t say it’s the last thing and then bring another one. That’s not how it works,” Jaemin nagged, a little flustered that I managed to find another excuse when he wanted to cuddle. “Who are you? A fitness instructor? When you say it’s the last one, it should be the last one. You can’t come up with new ones every three minutes.”

“I promise it’s the last one,” I sat cross-legged on the couch beside him, handing him the envelope. Cautiously, he pulled the card out of it, and I looked at him, studying his expression in excitement.

“Annoyingly, I like you way more than I’d originally planned,” Jaemin read the cover of the card, smiling widely at the passive-aggressive message. “It’s already good, and I didn’t even read what you wrote inside,” he commented before he leaned forward to kiss my forehead. “I don’t get it,” he added in confusion as he saw the blank page inside the card.

“It’s my love letter for you,” I clarified, but Jaemin was still clueless.

“It’s a blank page. You really have that little to say?” Jaemin asked, trying to make sense out of my card.

“That’s not how you were supposed to interpret that!” I yelled, climbing on his laps, wanting to tear the card out of his ungrateful hands. Unfortunately, Jaemin’s hands were longer than mine, so even when I was hovering over his thighs, I couldn’t reach it.

“How was I supposed to interpret that then?” Jaemin challenged, holding my hips, forcing them down on his laps.

“I wanted to write something meaningful, but I just couldn’t decide what. I have so many things I want to tell you, it wouldn’t even fit on the card,” I started, trying to find the best way to form a coherent sentence. “One way to interpret it is that you have to imagine it’s written in a very tiny font. Because I have so much to tell you, I wrote everything down, but you just can’t read it.”

“I like it,” Jaemin whispered, pressing a gentle kiss against my knuckles.

“Or you can say it’s blank because whenever I’m with you, my head is completely empty,” I added, chuckling at the corny confession. “Or you can assume there are no words to describe my feelings for you.”

“How is it possible that without writing anything, you managed to top all of my love letters?” Jaemin wondered, smiling at me. “What kind of sorcery is this?”

“No, Jaemin. You’re not giving yourself enough credit. I loved your love letters. They were silly, but at the same time, I could feel you really meant everything,” I reasoned, looking down at Jaemin’s lips, slowly leaning in for a delicate kiss.

“Okay, I have an idea,” Jaemin suddenly spoke as he grabbed my butt and threw me off his laps. “I need a pen,” he added, looking around the living room, finding the pen on the coffee table. In a hurry, he scribbled down something on the blank page of the card, making sure I couldn’t peek. “Here, I found my way to interpret it.”

“Oh?”

“Yes,” Jaemin answered confidently, handing me the card. “Read it out loud for me.”

“Okay, I guess,” I cleared my throat before I opened the card. “My beloved Jaemin,” I read, looking at Jaemin’s face with a raised eyebrow. This was going to be good.

“Carry on,” he urged, and I shook my head, unable to believe I was going to do it.

“You’re the most handsome man I have ever seen. You’re also the smartest and the funniest. Not to mention, you’re the best kisser in the world. What the fuck is this?” I interjected, having doubts, knowing it was a bad idea.

“Just keep reading, babe,” Jaemin ordered, wanting me to carry on with his antics. “Though you’re no poet, it’s, by a huge margin, the best love letter I have ever received,” he added, blowing his ego way out of proportion, and I rolled my eyes.

“Now, when I look at you, I understand there’s not a chance I wouldn’t fall for you. So, since there’s not much space left, I just wanna tell you that I love you. I really love you, Jaemin.”

Before I managed to complain that he forced me to say the L-word first, Jaemin interjected.

“Finally, took you long enough,” he teased, and I sighed, wondering where to hit him first. “As if you haven’t figured it out yet, I love you, too.”

“You’re impossible,” I commented, still not quite sure if we just confessed to each other.

“I’m impossible not to fall in love with,” Jaemin corrected, once again hauling me back on his laps, taking my breath away with a fervent kiss. “How about you show me how you want to get into my pants, babe?”

Having had enough of Jaemin’s teasing, I decided not to comply with his request.

“I think you should go.”

“You’re right,” Jaemin agreed too quickly, and it made me alert. “Let’s go to your room because once I start pounding into you, I will not stop even if a group of nuns was about to break in and steal all of your shit,” he added as he picked me up, carrying me to my bedroom.

“You’re impossible,” I repeated my words when Jaemin threw me onto my bed before he landed on it right beside me.

“I think we’ve already discussed this,” he remarked, reminding me of the remark he had given me earlier. “So… where were we?” Jaemin asked as he put his hand on my side, pulling me closer. Soon enough, his palm slipped under the hem of my shirt, caressing my skin.

“Is it weird that the only thing I can think about is you eating me out?” I wondered out loud, stripped of all remains of dignity. Jaemin was in my bed, and I was planning on taking full advantage of it.

“Not at all, love,” Jaemin replied, showing me his eager smile. Quickly, he sat on his calves between my legs, taking his time to take off my jeans. “I thought about eating you out way too often ever since that thing in the bathroom,” Jaemin confessed as he threw my jeans across the room.

Though my panties were still on, Jaemin began his teasing. His soft lips trailed across my thighs, driving me crazy. His lips touched every inch of my skin except for the area I wanted the most. At this point, my panties were dripping wet, yet he didn’t even think of pulling them to the side, giving attention to my much-ignored core.

“You’re killing me,” I whispered, slowly losing patience. If Jaemin kept up with his antics, I’d combust out of sexual frustration. “Bold of you to assume I won’t let you taste your own medicine,” I warned Jaemin. It worked because as soon as I voiced my mischievous threat, Jaemin’s finger hooked under the hem of my panties, quickly pulling them down my legs.

“You’re no fun at all,” Jaemin clarified before his lips finally landed on my clit, making me buckle my hips in an instant. Slowly, his mouth moved against my sweet spot, and I arched my back with each swirl of his tongue.

Though he barely started, I could feel the electricity coursing through my body. In my state of permanent frustration, it wouldn’t be difficult for Jaemin to make me come against his mouth.

Getting into it, Jaemin squeezed my hips, trying to keep me still when he ate me out. His jaw was dripping in my juices as he made his way down to lick my folds.

“Fuck,” I moaned loudly when Jaemin’s nose rubbed my clit when he was running his tongue all over my entrance. “I think I am gonna come,” I admitted what made Jaemin smirk through the kiss. Jaemin barely touched me, but I was already close.

“Come for me,” Jaemin urged, releasing my hips from his firm grip. Now when I could buckle my hips against his face, my orgasm was just seconds away. With my hand in his hair, I rocked my hips, basking in pleasure.

“I need your fingers,” I begged, and Jaemin quickly obeyed my shameful plea. I expected him to tease me further, denying me his long fingers, but he was kind enough to do anything to make me come.

Thanks to my juices and Jaemin’s saliva, his two fingers slid right in.

“Fuck,” I shouted at the top of my voice when the wave of pleasure shot right through me. Jaemin’s jaw still played with my clit as he continued his actions throughout the orgasm.

“You blew my mind, Jaemin,” I muttered after I regained my focus after he had made me come on his face. “I came so hard,” I confessed, smiling like an idiot. It was way too long ever since someone made me feel this good.

“You better get used to it because I am planning this to be a frequent occurrence,” Jaemin whispered, looking at my face as if it was an art piece. “Do you have condoms?” he casually asked as he pulled down his jeans. His erected cock was restrained in the denim fabric, and Jaemin needed to get rid of it.

“As a matter of fact, I do,” I replied as I opened the bedside table and threw a brand new package of condoms at Jaemin’s chest. “Jiwoo got me those after she walked on our pillow fight the other day. Apparently, she doesn’t want any cum stains on the couch.”

For a while, we were lying on the bed, staring at each other. Jaemin gave me some time to recover from my orgasm. According to him, I needed to take breaks because he didn’t want to over-stimulate me too soon.

“I really love you,” Jaemin confessed genuinely, and I quickly rolled closer to him, giving him another chase smooch. His confession was music to my ears, and I could listen to it on repeat without getting tired of it.

“I love you, too,” I quickly replied, leaning in for another kiss. With his hand on my cheek, he deepened the kiss, giving us another chance to get lost in the love trance.

Having thrown my leg over his hipbone, I hovered over his erection.

“Let me take care of you,” I said as I pulled away from the kiss. With a playful smirk upon my face, I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. Slowly after, my bra followed suit, and Jaemin grunted upon seeing me completely naked in front of him.

“Sexy,” he purred before he eagerly took off his hoodie, throwing it onto the floor. “On a second thought, maybe you should put something on. You’re too sexy, and I’d like to last longer,” Jaemin explained, handing me his hoodie so I could cover myself up. “No, it’s even worse. Take it off,” he changed his mind after seeing me in his clothes.

Carefully, I pulled Jaemin’s boxers down his legs, letting his rock hard cock spring free. Biting on my lips, I grabbed his erection, giving it a few gentle strokes.

“Fuck it, I am ready,” Jaemin yelled, placing his hand over mine, making me stop. “You have all the time in the world to blow me. Right now, I want to feel you,” he added, quickly pulling out a condom from its packaging.

“Let me at least roll it down for you,” I offered, and Jaemin sighed, weighing his options.

“Nah, I am not willing to take that risk,” Jaemin answered, proceeding to wrap his cock by himself. “Now, come here, sit down on it,” he urged, and I shook my head. Smiling like an idiot, I guided his cock towards my entrance, slowly sinking down on his length.

“You’re good?” I asked, trying to guess what was going on inside his brain. Judging by his sour expression, he must’ve been thinking about something terrible in order to stop himself from coming too soon.

“Yes, everything’s cool,” he reassured, and I took it as permission to gently rock my hips back and forth. Whenever I moved, Jaemin kept grunting quietly. Apparently, he also suffered from sexual frustration.

My hands were wandering all over his muscular chest, admiring his athletic built. My hips were moving at a steady rhythm, but whenever I happened to increase the tempo, Jaemin would slow me down with a firm grip on my hips.

“If you keep doing that, I might spank you,” Jaemin warned me, but it only made me want to disobey more. “Why did I even expect you to be a good girl?” Jaemin asked, rolling his eyes.

“Spank me,” I ordered, trying my best not to chuckle. “I dare you,” I added, pushing the right buttons. “Like that,” I moaned when Jaemin’s hand collided against my butt, shaking me with newfound excitement.

“You’re impossible,” Jaemin comment, still in shock after discovering how much into spanking I happened to be.

“I’m impossible not to fall in love with,” I remarked, using Jaemin’s own words against him.

Unable to handle my teasing, Jaemin sat up. “I love you so much,” Jaemin stated once again before he looked at my lips, kissing them. Now, when I was distracted by his tongue, it was easier for him to control my movement.

In our upgraded position, I significantly slowed down. Carefully, I moved up and down Jaemin’s cock, while he sneaked his hand between our entangled bodies, rubbing my clit. I was close, and I was about to come again.

I didn’t know what he was so self-conscious about. No doubt I would come first.

“Jaemin, I am coming,” I breathed out, messing up my rhythm. It was difficult to maintain the same tempo when Jaemin was playing with my clit. Jaemin’s lips moved down my neck, finding a perfect spot on my collarbone to leave a hickey.

“Me, too,” Jaemin whispered as he began thrusting from underneath me, now desperate to push the both of us off the edge. “You’re so tight, fuck,” he cursed as my walls started to swell around his throbbing cock.

Jaemin moaned against my skin, muffling his sinful sounds. I, on the other hand, screamed Jaemin’s name at the top of my voice, telling everybody in the world he was the person, making me feel this good.

Having fallen onto the sheets, we looked into each other’s eyes. We were panting as if we just ran a marathon. Not that I had any doubts, but Jaemin turned out to be a passionate lover, and it made me love him even more.

“You’re beautiful,” Jaemin complimented me, staring at my face in utter admiration. “I am so lucky,” he added, and I moved closer, snuggling up to him. It was still early, but I was so fucked out, I could fall asleep right there in his arms.

Having pulled me closer to his chest, Jaemin threw a duvet over our sweaty bodies. His fingers were tracing shapes on my shoulder when he pressed yet another peck against my temple.

“Are you down for another round?” Jaemin asked as he discarded the full condom. His cock was still semi-hard. In a few minutes, Jaemin would be ready for some more. “It’s cool if you’re not,” he added, trying not to put any pressure on me.

“I want you to do me all night,” I confessed, looking over my shoulder at the clock. It’s only 8 pm, and I could stay up till daylight with Jaemin.

“Do you want to go bowling tomorrow?” Jaemin asked, and I eagerly nodded. It was fun the last time I had joined the boys on their monthly trip to the bowling alley. Besides, I would be the first woman to break the unfortunate one-time-only curse. I couldn’t wait to show up two months in a row.

“I’d love that,” I answered, snuggling closer to Jaemin’s side.

In content, we basked in happiness until Jaemin regained enough energy to go for the third time. However, this time around, it was slow and steamy. Under the covers, Jaemin crawled on top of me, kissing every inch of my body.

“Do you want to roll it down on me? I think I can handle that,” Jaemin asked, and I reached for the condom, carefully rolling it down his length. “I wish I could fuck you without one, though,” he added, and I flicked his forehead, making him whine. “I’ll pull out.”

“I trust you, but it’s still a no from me,” I replied, guiding his cock into my entrance. Inch by inch, Jaemin pushed himself all the way in. “You fill me up so well,” I praised, purring into his ear. “I love your cock.”

Distance between our bodies was practically nonexistent. Jaemin was slowly snapping his hips, rubbing his pelvic bone against my clit, turning me into a moaning mess. I wouldn’t be surprised if my neighbors called the police because of all the noise coming from my bedroom.

“One day, you’ll let me fuck you raw. I’ll make sure you do,” Jaemin carried on, and I hissed, feeling the approaching orgasm. I didn’t even bother to comment on Jaemin’s statement. I was whipped for him. I knew I wasn’t able to maintain my assertive stance for long. Eventually, I’d cave in, letting him fuck me without a condom. It wasn’t today, though.

“In your dreams, lover boy,” I answered, but Jaemin just giggled, knowing I wasn’t serious.

“You have no idea how many times we’ve done it raw in my dreams,” Jaemin confessed as he picked up his pace, pounding into my pussy, making me moan at the sudden speed. “One day, I’ll tell you all about my fantasies, but right now, I really want this pussy to cream around my cock,” he added, his filthy words making my walls squeeze around his length.

“You wait until I tell you mine,” I challenged with a smirk. If Jaemin thought he was the only one with a dirty mind, he was seriously mistaken. While most of my fantasies were PG-13, there was still a large portion of naughty scenarios. Now, when Jaemin and I were finally together, it would be fun to try to recreate at least some of them.

“You better come because I can’t go much longer,” Jaemin warned me, pounding in and out, chasing his own release. “Fuck,” he yelled, falling on top of me as he shot his load into the condom. His cock twitched inside of me as he moved slowly, riding out his orgasm.

“Jaemin,” I hollered, coming undone underneath him. Despite the other peaks, this orgasm hit me the hardest. For a brief second, my vision turned black as I gave in to the pleasure.

Breathlessly, I lay in the sheets, slowly descending from my high.

“I think all I can do tonight is cuddle,” I commented, feeling too fucked out to engage in any other form of affection. “I don’t think I can walk.”

“It’s okay. I can carry you around the house,” Jaemin answered, finding a solution for my problem. Having pulled his limp cock out of me, Jaemin rolled down another condom, putting it aside.

“What is it?” Jaemin asked as he heard a noise from the living room.

“It sounded as if someone was knocking on the doors,” I spoke, trying to identify the sound. “It must be a courier for Jiwoo. She keeps ordering stuff online. It’s probably the late evening delivery she forgot about. Can you get it?”

“No problem, babe,” Jaemin answered as he put on his jeans, walking around the bed to answer the door.

At first, I wanted to wait for Jaemin in bed. However, it’s been like three minutes, and he didn’t come back, so I found it weird.

Having put on Jaemin’s hoodie and a pair of leggings, I made my way out of the room.

Jaemin was standing by the doors, looking inside a plastic bag. Whatever it was, it smelled like Thai food. Unfortunately, it didn’t explain anything. We were here alone, and we didn’t order anything.

Just when I was about to open my mouth and ask Jaemin what the hell was going on, Ten walked out of his room. It was strange, but I saw him leave, and I didn’t hear him come back.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked angrily, trying to hide my embarrassment. If he was here the whole time, he must’ve heard us having sex.

“I live here, duh,” Ten answered matter-of-factly, choosing not to give me the explanation which I desperately needed. “I think it’s mine,” Ten spoke as he walked up to Jaemin to take his Thai takeout.

Although Jaemin and I were standing in the living room in complete consternation, Ten didn’t seem to pay any attention to it. In front of his bedroom, Ten stopped in his tracks, turning his head to face me.

“Congratulations, by the way,” Ten spoke, making me even more embarrassed. “Three times, wow. It’s impressive. Don’t fuck this up, dear. He’s a keeper,” Ten added, sending me a playful wink before he disappeared inside his room.

901 notes · View notes

nitrateglow · 3 years

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Favorite films discovered in 2020

Well, this year sucked. I did see some good movies though. Some even made after I was born!

Perfect Blue (dir. Satoshi Kon, 1997)

I watch a lot of thrillers and horror movies, but precious few actually unsettle me in any lasting way. This cannot be said of Perfect Blue, which gave me one of the most visceral cinematic experiences of my life. Beyond the brief flashes of bloodletting (you will never look at a screwdriver the same way again), the scariest thing about Perfect Blue might be how the protagonist has both her life and her sense of self threatened by the villains. The movie’s prescience regarding public persona is also incredibly eerie, especially in our age of social media. While anime is seen as a very niche interest (albeit one that has become more mainstream in recent years), I would highly recommend this movie to thriller fans, whether they typically watch anime or not. It’s right up there with the best of Hitchcock or De Palma.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (dir. Sergio Leone, 1966)

Nothing is better than when an iconic movie lives up to the hype. Clint Eastwood, Eli Wallach, and Lee Van Cleef play off of one another perfectly. I was impressed by Wallach as Tuco in particular: his character initially seems like a one-dimensional greedy criminal, but the performance is packed with wonderful moments of humanity. Do I really need to say anything about the direction? Or about the wonderful storyline, which takes on an almost mythic feel in its grandeur? Or that soundtrack?

Die Niebelungen (both movies) (dir. Fritz Lang, 1924)

I did NOT expect to love these movies as much as I did. That they would be dazzlingly gorgeous I never doubted: the medieval world of the story is brought to vivid life through the geometrical mise en scene and detailed costuming. However, the plot itself is so, so riveting, never losing steam over the course of the four hours it takes to watch both movies. The first half is heroic fantasy; the second half involves a revenge plot of almost Shakespearean proportions. This might actually be my favorite silent Fritz Lang movie now.

Muppet Treasure Island (dir. Brian Henson, 1996)

I understand that people have different tastes and all, but how does this movie have such a mixed reception? It’s absolutely hilarious. How could anybody get through the scene with “THA BLACK SPOT AGGHHHHHHH” and not declare this a masterpiece of comedy? And I risk being excommunicated from the Muppet fandom for saying it, but I like this one more than The Great Muppet Caper. It’s probably now my second favorite Muppet movie.

Belle de Jour (dir. Luis Bunuel, 1967)

I confess I’m not terribly fond of “but was it real???” movies. They tend to feel gimmicky more often than not. Belle de Jour is an exception. This is about more than a repressed housewife getting her kicks working as a daytime prostitute. The film delves into victim blaming, trauma, class, and identity-- sure, this sounds academic and dry when I put it that way, but what I’m trying to say is that these are very complicated characters and the blurring of fantasy and reality becomes thought-provoking rather than trite due to that complexity.

Secondhand Lions (dir. Tim McCanlies, 2003)

The term “family movie” is often used as a synonym for “children’s movie.” However, there is an important distinction: children’s movies only appeal to kids, while family movies retain their appeal as one grows up. Secondhand Lions is perhaps a perfect family movie, with a great deal more nuance than one might expect regarding the need for storytelling and its purpose in creating meaning for one’s life. It’s also amazingly cast: Haley Joel Osment is excellent as the juvenile lead, and Michael Caine and Robert Duvall steal the show as Osment’s eccentric uncles.

The Pawnbroker (dir. Sidney Lumet, 1964)

Controversial in its day for depicting frontal nudity, The Pawnbroker shocks today for different reasons. As the top review of the film on IMDB says, we’re used to victims of great atrocities being presented as sympathetic, good people in fiction. Here, Rod Steiger’s Sol Nazerman subverts such a trope: his suffering at the hands of the Nazis has made him a hard, closed-off person, dismissive of his second wife (herself also a survivor of the Holocaust), cold to his friendly assistant, and bitter towards himself. The movie follows Nazerman’s postwar life, vividly presenting his inner pain in a way that is almost too much to bear. Gotta say, Steiger gives one of the best performances I have ever seen in a movie here: he’s so three-dimensional and complex. The emotions on his face are registered with Falconetti-level brilliance.

The Apartment (dir. Billy Wilder, 1960)

While not the most depressing Christmas movie ever, The Apartment certainly puts a good injection of cynicism into the season. I have rarely seen a movie so adept at blending comedy, romance, and satire without feeling tone-deaf. There are a lot of things to praise about The Apartment, but I want to give a special shoutout to the dialogue. “Witty” dialogue that sounds natural is hard to come by-- so often, it just feels smart-assy and strained. Not here.

Anatomy of a Murder (dir. Otto Preminger, 1959)

I’m not big into courtroom dramas, but Anatomy of a Murder is a big exception. Its morally ambiguous characters elevate it from being a mere “whodunit” (or I guess in the case of this movie, “whydunit”), because if there’s something you’re not going to get with this movie, it’s a clear answer as to what happened on the night of the crime. Jimmy Stewart gives one of his least characteristic performances as the cynical lawyer, and is absolutely brilliant.

Oldboy (dir. Park Chan-Wook, 2003)

Oldboy reminded me a great deal of John Webster’s 17th century tragedy The Duchess of Malfi. Both are gruesome, frightening, and heartbreaking works of art, straddling the line between sensationalism and intelligence, proving the two are not mutually exclusive. It’s both entertaining and difficult to watch. The thought of revisiting it terrifies me but I feel there is so much more to appreciate about the sheer craft on display.

Family Plot (dir. Alfred Hitchcock, 1976)

Family Plot is an enjoyable comedy; you guys are just mean. I know in an ideal world, Hitchcock’s swan song would be a great thriller masterpiece in the vein of Vertigo or Psycho. Family Plot is instead a silly send-up of Hitchcock’s favorite tropes, lampooning everything from the dangerous blonde archetype (with not one but two characters) to complicated MacGuffin plots. You’ll probably demand my film buff card be revoked for my opinion, but to hell with it-- this is my favorite of Hitchcock’s post-Psycho movies.

My Best Girl (dir. Sam Taylor, 1927)

Mary Pickford’s farewell to silent film also happens to be among her best movies. It’s a simple, charming romantic comedy starring her future husband, Charles “Buddy” Rogers. Pickford also gets to play an adult character here, rather than the little girl parts her public demanded she essay even well into her thirties. She and Rogers are sweet together without being diabetes-inducing, and the comedy is often laugh out loud funny. It even mocks a few tropes that anyone who watches enough old movies will recognize and probably dislike-- such as “break his heart to save him!!” (my personal most loathed 1920s/1930s trope).

Parasite (dir. Bong Joon-ho, 2019)

This feels like such a zeitgeist movie. It’s about the gap between the rich and the poor, it’s ironic, it’s depressing, it’s unpredictable as hell. I don’t like terms like “modern classic,” because by its very definition, a classic can only be deemed as such after a long passage of time, but I have a good feeling Parasite will be considered one of the definitive films of the 2010s in the years to come.

Indiscreet (dir. Stanley Donen, 1958)

Indiscreet often gets criticized for not being Notorious more or less, which is a shame. It’s not SUPPOSED to be-- it’s cinematic souffle and both Ingrid Bergman and Cary Grant elevate that light material with their perfect chemistry and comedic timing. It’s also refreshing to see a rom-com with characters over 40 as the leads-- and the movie does not try to make them seem younger or less mature, making the zany moments all the more hilarious. It’s worth seeing for Cary Grant’s jig (picture above) alone.

The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (dir. Joseph Sargent, 1974)

This movie embodies so much of what I love about 70s cinema: it’s gritty, irreverent, and hard-hitting. It’s both hilarious and suspenseful-- I was tense all throughout the run time. I heard there was a remake and it just seems... so, so pointless when you already have this gem perfect as it is.

They All Laughed (dir. Peter Bogdonavich, 1981)

Bogdonavich’s lesser known homage to 1930s screwball comedy is also a weirdly autumnal movie. Among the last gasps of the New Hollywood movement, it is also marks the final time Audrey Hepburn would star in a theatrical release. The gentle comedy, excellent ensemble cast (John Ritter is the standout), and the mature but short-lived romance between Hepburn and Ben Gazarra’s characters make this a memorably bittersweet gem.

The Palm Beach Story (dir. Preston Sturges, 1942)

Absolutely hilarious. I was watching this with my parents in the room. My mom tends to like old movies while my dad doesn’t, but both of them were laughing aloud at this one. Not much else to say about it, other than I love Joel McCrea the more movies I see him in-- though it’s weird seeing him in comedies since I’m so used to him as a back-breaking man on the edge in The Most Dangerous Game!

Nothing Sacred (dir. William Wellman, 1937)

I tend to associate William Wellman with the pre-code era, so I’ve tried delving more into his post-code work. Nothing Sacred is easily my favorite of those films thus far, mainly for Carole Lombard but also because the story still feels pretty fresh due to the jabs it takes at celebrity worship and moral hypocrisy. For a satire, it’s still very warm towards its characters, even when they’re misbehaving or deluding themselves, so it’s oddly a feel-good film too.

Applause (dir. Rouben Mamoulian, 1929)

I love watching early sound movies, but my inner history nerd tends to enjoy them more than the part of me that, well, craves good, well-made movies. Most early sound films are pure awkward, but there’s always an exception and Applause is one of them. While the plot’s backstage melodrama is nothing special, the way the story is told is super sophisticated and expressive for this period of cinema history, and Helen Morgan makes the figure of the discarded burlesque queen seem truly human and tragic rather than merely sentimental.

Topaz (dir. Alfred Hitchcock, 1969)

Another late Hitchcock everyone but me seems to hate. After suffering through Torn Curtain, I expected Hitchcock’s other cold war thriller was going to be dull as dishwater, but instead I found an understated espionage movie standing in stark contrast to the more popular spy movies of the period. It’ll never be top Hitchcock, of course-- still it was stylish and enjoyable, with some truly haunting moments. I think it deserves more appreciation than it’s been given.

What were your favorite cinematic discoveries in 2020?

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timextoxhajima · 4 years

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HOSTIS, Chapter IV: Vetiti Fructus In, The Forbidden Fruit

Previous Chapter (III: Aemulatio)

Member: Lee Hyunjae (tbz)

Genre (by chapter): angst, drama, comedy

Category: Short Novel/Long Series

“why am i always one step behind you?”

the black rim of the file glistens under the light hanging above the table on your left. translucent curtains were drawn behind and next the the oversized L-shaped couch you were laying on, legs stretched out and laptop sitting on a cushion on your lap.

the white table was strewn about with freshly printed sheets of data and research you managed to collect in the last week.

it was day seven of your ten days being mentored by doctor choi. the welcome-party was to be held at the end of the month, not the coming weekend.

something about the team that was responsible for handling newcomers not being able to host it because everybody was busy... something along those lines.

you didn’t bother noting the reason for a delayed party when the more pressing issue was getting that research file out to doctor kim before lee hyunjae did, and with better content.

throwing your head back against the pillows, your eyes naturally travel along the ceiling to the glass doors beyond the sofa, lining parallel to your position. the faint dots in the sky above takes you back to the first time you went stargazing with your father.

you remember your mother didn’t go because she was too busy.

the brain-juicing brightness off the laptop screen starts to yank on your attention, and you sigh at the sight of the word ‘oncology’. you already did the research online and whatever doctor kim had provided you, and it wasn’t too difficult a task to imagine that lucifer probably had the same type of content written down for that last section as well.

the frustration empties itself from your chest in the form of a loud groan while your fingers travel to your forehead.

the only thing left to do was this stupid oncology section, but how were you going to outdo lee hyunjae? sure, the rest of the research report would already be different; every pocket of free time you found in between your rounds with doctor choi, you were working on it. lee hyunjae was nowhere to be found either during those free periods, so what else would he be doing besides filling up the research report?

there was no more room for your own research and understanding of oncology to beat him. you were a neurologist after all, not an oncologist.

why did doctor kim even include the oncology section when he knew it was going to be difficult for me to get the information?

“arghhhhhhh--” your vision flashes white for a split second at the sudden sitting up, and you place your laptop down off the cushion. the rug covering the living room floor brings comfort to your toes as you stood up and ran your fingers through your hair.

the painful, but satisfying memory of what happened pre-med school starts to roll in your head like an old VHS tape. the look in lucifer’s eyes when you had him against the locker, the only thing stopping you from driving a test tube down his throat were the long arms of law.

otherwise, it was sweet, almost diabetic, to watch him crumble and lose to you despite him being the fire starter.

but then again, you lost the first boy you ever loved because of lee hyunjae.

you couldn’t even convince yourself that you won.

the VHS tape in your head starts to burn and disintegrate into ashes while the nostalgic fire lights up in your chest, and the thought of losing to him four years ago made you want to get that oncology section done.

your inner ares picks up the file and flips to the last page where the word ‘oncology’ was printed in big, block letters at the top, followed by a bunch of details and information with hypothetical questions listed down.

the left brow on your face twitches and the muscle movement felt so eerily detached from you, a surge of unstoppable desire erupting inside you like mount vesuvius in 79 AD.

if you could possess a single power right now, it’ll be pyrokinesis.

the light shining into your office was so bright and warm, it would’ve been a crime not to talk a walk outside.

you would’ve, but not today.

lucifer’s office door opens and closes and you notice him heading off in the direction of the washroom, and your peripheral vision captures the oncology page of the hospital website on the computer screen.

after waiting it out for a safe period of time, you adjust the white coat to hide the color of your breast pocket (where the color differentiated which department you were in) and shoved the staff ID card down the back pocket of your jeans. you grab your file, phone in hand and the gears in your head start to churn out some smart excuse in case anybody were to question why you, a newcomer, looked like you were about to go for a meeting.

you head for the lift, fingers dancing around while you searched for the floor that connected the east wing over to the north.

you were already beginning to recite that excuse you built in your head in case doctor kim runs into you while you were walking through the north wing.

but zeus must’ve decided that one half of his sons deserved some love today, for you run into zero staff who didn’t pay attention to the absence of your staff ID around your neck.

your eyes follow the signs to the west wing, and that was where you started to notice people you really haven’t seen before.

the atmosphere changed once you got to the office level where all the oncology doctors would be, and most of the staff looked like they had been working without a wink of sleep.

your vision and attention start to dart around the hallways and doors, trying to look for a name tag on a door that said ‘shin ga hyun’ or something along the lines of oncology research archi--

there we go.

the words ‘research facility’ printed in block letters on the door of the room looked like the word ‘victory’ in another language, and you could only thank zeus for being so kind to you today.

the lab coat on you and the file case you were holding was enough to prove that you were a staff here, so even if shin ga hyun were to find out you were in her wing, there was nothing she could do about it besides get mad at you for “losing your way while searching for research content”.

the staff ID card slides out from your jeans so you could give yourself access to the dark room, and you notice the only view in was through the little window on the door itself.

once the door was open, your first step was to get it closed, regardless of whether your eyes could adjust to the orientation of the room.

relief floods through you, and you quickly wonder why you were so scared of something that wasn’t even illegal.

a small snort runs through your nose at the thought that you were scared, because frankly, there wasn’t much that could scare you anymore. maybe sometimes, just sometimes, the only thing that could scare you was yourself.

the scent of old paper and files fill your nostrils with every drawer and cabinet you opened, and you start searching for documents with information to grant you access to the oncology database, but not one single sheet of paper satiates your thirst to win.

your heart was already zipping back and forth in your chest, and the emptiness of the room only reminds you that anybody could come in anytime. your eyes look around the dimly lit room and you note the gap between the lockers behind the desk and the wall where you could run and hide in case someone came in--

“...yes, ga hyun, everything regarding the department’s database have been shifted to your office.”

the pupils on your eyeballs shrink in a second and something similar to a heart attack tears through your chest at the name. the footsteps halt right outside the door and you close the drawer with such calculated strength to prevent yourself from slamming it shut. your heels turn towards the corner and it takes you three incredibly large steps to get you there.

but everything happened so fast that you didn’t even register the fact that you got pulled into that little corner.

you would’ve rammed your knee so high up this man’s groin if he wasn’t going to scream like a fucking baby if you did.

“what the fuck are you doing here?!” he mouths angrily at you, ears red and cheeks flushed with fear when the door of the room clicks open.

“are you sure everything related to the database has been cleared out this room?” shin ga hyun sounded like she’d slit your throat and show no signs of remorse.

“what do you think?!” this silent conversation was going to warrant you a reason to punch him in the face later.

“yes, doctor shin,” the second voice sounded so dead and unbothered, you imagine it had to be someone of a more senior position than shin ga hyun for her to talk to the department head like that. “there may be a few stray sheets here and there but if they weren’t filed properly in the first place, then it’s highly likely they weren’t too important.”

“don’t fucking touch me!” his arm brushes against your shoulder and if you could scream, it would’ve deafened him.

“if you hadn’t come in, we wouldn’t be stuck in this shitty little gap!”

your eyes widen at his sudden stoppage of mouthing, and you could hear the little breaths coming out after every consonant.

“will you shut the fuck up?!”

“so you mean to tell me that there is a slight possibility that an important sheet of paper regarding our database is sitting around somewhere inside this room?”

“how can i shut up when i’m stuck in this godforsaken space with you?! i don’t even want to fucking breathe the same air as you!”

oh my fucking god, will he fucking shut his trap-- we are going to get caught--

“oh, my god,” an exasperated sigh fills the room. “ga hyun, you really need to take a chill pill.”

“don’t tell me to ‘take a chill pill’--”

“if you didn’t walk in here like you owned the fucking place, i wouldn’t have touched you!”

your index finger flies up to your lips and you beg him to shut up with your eyes.

but this piece of dumbshit-doctor doesn’t fucking get it--

you had a victory to claim, and you were not going to let him take that away from you.

the ares inside you wraps your fingers around his face and shoves your lips between his, but your eyes were still wide open, looking out at the glass on the cabinet on the other side of the room to see a taller female trying to drag a shorter female out of the office.

“you need to take a chill pill. the entire hospital is scared of you, honey. don’t you want to amend that?”

the scanner beeps, and the door clicks open.

“if nobody’s done anything wrong then there’s no reason for them to be scared of me.”

“fair, but you need to start wearing a smile on your face more often!” the door hisses shut, and the footsteps start to move away. “i’ll get someone to check the database stuff for you then...”

ares leaves your body and your soul gets sucked back into its rightful place, and you don’t think you’ve shoved anyone, or anything for that matter, faster than you shoved lucifer off your face.

wincing in disgust, the back of your hand wipes the corner of your lips as a frown hardens on your forehead, and lucifer was busy sticking out his tongue like he had just eaten something spicy.

“son of a bitch,” the hiss seethes through your teeth as you walk out from the gap, deliberately running your shoulder against his left arm. “don’t you ever assume that i would let the thinnest strand of hair on my body touch you.”

the wrath and rage drips off your tongue like saliva while you walked, turning your head and looking over your shoulder to glare at lee hyunjae.

“and don’t you ever fucking kiss me again!”

your staff card was barely inches away from the scanner when the words start to eat at your ego.

“for your fucking information, i did not want my lips to be on yours,” you take two big steps to him who was walking towards you in a fit. “someone just didn’t know how to keep his mouth shut.”

his breath was hitting your cheek rapidly, and you jab your tongue against the inside of your cheek, trying to claw your way through his self-proclaimed glare that he probably thinks scares you off.

your suck your lips between your teeth and scrunch up your nose with effort, your right hand instinctively deciding that it was a good idea to shove him backwards before you left the room.

throwing yourself into your own leather seat in your office and the beads of sweat on your forehead coming off onto a tissue, your eyes plaster themselves to the ceiling.

mission failed.

not only that,

i had to kiss this motherfucking son of a bitch to shut his fucking ass up.

the tissue gets crumpled in your grasp at the thought of underestimating him, and you hurl the lightweight ball barely a metre away from you.

doctor choi brings you on his final round for the day, and happiness was as simple as finding out that lucifer had been called to handle some boring admin work by the hospital administration because he screwed up somewhere in the system.

the round was longer than expected, with one of doctor choi’s alzheimer’s patients talking to you about his childhood. doctor choi tries to steer you clear of the patient, worried that you were uncomfortable. but the stories he was telling you brought you back to a time when your parents were still pretty prominent in your life. doctor choi just leaves you with him until the nurses bring around his medicine as a distraction, providing you with a chance to leave before the patient keeps you for the night.

the evening sun paints the floor a tangerine shade, through the glass doors of the offices. and in your hand was the black file with such reluctance and bitterness that you wish you didn’t agree to this whole research department thing in the first place.

most of the research department officers and doctors had evening duties to tend to before they left, so it was pretty quiet and desolate once you reached doctor kim’s desk with the idea of submitting the research report.

yet the sight of the blue file strikes up a flame of confusion and suspicion. laying down your black file, your fingerpads brush over the cover of the blue one, and ares returns to whisper seductive motivations in your ear.

you run through the pages, not surprised that most of the data was different from yours, but nothing could’ve prepared you for the five-thousand-word-long report behind the oncology cover sheet.

motherfucker.

he must’ve found one of those ‘stray sheets’ for the database while he was snooping in the room.

red bursts of revenge and hatred start to rush through your veins, and you pull apart the rings of the file to remove the ridiculously long report.

the papers were messily stuffed into your work case and you return the file back to its original position, in time for doctor kim to return to his cubicle.

“ah, i was waiting to see if you were going to submit it today!” he gleams at you, and his warm, elderly aura comforts you, peeling you away from the horrible deed you just carried out.

“well, yeah... but i have to confess, i didn’t do much for the oncology report at the back.”

“i was already expecting that after i warned you about doctor shin! but nevermind that, i look forward to reading your report.”

“oh but, uh...” you rub the back of your neck. “have you looked through doctor lee’s? it looks pretty thick.”

doctor kim’s palm finds the two files and he shakes his head. “oh, nope. he just gave me this wide smile and told me to read his file like i was reading a book. his confidence is really something else.”

oh, thank god.

“i see,” the sugary taste of satisfaction rubs itself into your taste buds. “i hope we didn’t let you down, doctor kim. we really worked hard on it.”

the smile doesn’t leave his face, and he only gives you a small pat on the shoulder. “i will look forward to reading both reports.” he nods, and you take your cue to bow and bid goodbye.

your living room was barely lit up with the only source of light being the one from the kitchen, and the gentle chirps of crickets outside were muffled through the sliding doors of your living room.

the wine in your glass was practically frolicking about with your little dance of triumph of the day. though part of the reason why you were drinking wine was to force yourself to forget that you kissed lucifer -- ew --, you were also drinking to celebrate.

“well,” you pout at the little cactus that sat in the middle of the table in your living room. “he should thank me for removing it. doctor kim could figure out that he only got the information from snooping into the oncology department and he could get trouble for it.”

talking to yourself wasn’t a daily routine, but you just couldn’t resist the temptation of convincing yourself that you did nothing wrong.

which in fact, you did not.

but the competitiveness seeps through your bones and makes your stomach churn with regret and displeasure again, when the realisation sinks into your head.

why am i always one step behind you?

with a contorted look of discontentment staring back at you in the reflection of the wine glass, you lift the rim to your lips and down the rest of it like they were shots.

“i should’ve known he was going to do it,” the wine bottle calls out to you like a siren, and your fingers wrap around the cool, glass surface. “if i did it sooner, i might’ve gotten the fucking database information--”

knock knock

you berate zeus for sending a visitor at such a shitty time, throwing your head backwards and squeezing your eyes shut.

knock knock knock knock knock knock

“ugh, mom! i told you not to visit me on a weekday!” the release of the wine bottle only fills your stomach with disappointment as you trudged towards the door.

with enough frustration to fuel your grip around the handle, you yank the heavy door open.

“mom, what are you-- oh.”

shit.

flares of aching poison start to pierce their way into your eyes upon the eye contact, and your knuckles whiten with the tightening grip on the handle of your door.

“you’re gonna wish it was your mom, alright.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter V: Monitum

#lee hyunjae #hyunjae fanfic #hyunjae #the boyz fanfic #the boyz hyunjae #smUT ALeRT

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androgynousblackbox · 3 years

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I saw The Squid Game and here are thoughts (spoilers)

-First of all, maybe is my non korean ass being ignorant, but the shape they use through the entire thing to represent the Squid Game looks absolutely nothing like a squid and that has bothered me the entire time. I was waiting for someone to make sense of it and never happened. Was it just me? I was the only one who cared about the accurate representation of marine creatures through basic shapes? Yes? I am just being nitpicky? Okay.

-I already liked the actor who plays Jang Deok-su because of his role on another korean show, Beyond good and evil, that is an excelent mistery show I totally recommend, where he also plays as some kind of mafia lord that gets into trouble and is a little shit. Also he is hot as fuck, so that helps a lot. He was my personal favourite character right after Ali, a pakistan immigrant that was desperate to provide for his family, because Deok-su was such a fucking asshole that legitimately didn’t give a fuck about anything and that is always fun to see.

-And now that I mentioned him, Ali was too good for this fucking world and he didn’t deserved shit of what happened to him. Even before ever entering the game.

-The premise of this show is basically to contrast against how capitalism screws over people against basic kindness, which is antithesis to capitalism itself, and that i show we get to the final winner of the whole game. Now, there is a space to talk about how these type of stories could come across as kinda simplistic, but it doesn’t feel like the purpose of the show at all is to go out of it’s way to argue so much about this issue as just show the issue, show the consequences and talk about it within the context of a narrative.

-This is why my favourite episode of all has to be the one in which the majority of players decide to go home, after witnessing literal mass murder during the first game, only to realice life still fucking sucks for all of them and that is why they chose to participate on the first place. They still struggle to deal with the shit they did before, they still struggle to find money, even on circunstances in which nobody should have to fight so hard. It talks about a type of system that is so fundamentally broken and fucked up that it would really leave a diabetic elderly woman in pain to walk away to keep working simply because she doesn’t have the means to pay for her necesary treatment or even for her house if she doesn’t do that. -And sure, the reason why this happens is mostly because the protagonist had a gambling addiction that made him to waste all the money they did have, but ultimately he is not responsible for creating such hard conditions in the first place and the show goes out of it’s way to show different ways in which people are screwed over in ways they could have never had any control over, no matter how hard they worked. Some people chose to make their own mistakes and screw other people over, and they got to live with the results of that, but ultimately is all about the money and who has it, who gets it and who doesn’t, not about fairness or justice. So, when a big chunk realice that the outside world is just as hostile and unforgiving as before, they decide to come back because yeah, it’s hell, but at least they have a promise that things could turn better even if the cost is their own lives. Outside of the game they didn’t had not even that.

-I also really like how they contrasted the supposed principle behind the game against the actual structure of such, because at least I read it as a microcosmos representing the outside world as it is. Like of yeah, very fucking equal are people inside of this island where chain of command are still a thing, where they are still fucking pawns on someone’s else game whose rules they didn’t create or chose to, and where the people with the money literally laugh at their death because it’s that insignificant to them. Alright, yeah, keep telling youself that. But that is also the rationale outside, right? “Everyone has a chance to do better, if only you worked harder and keep trying surely you would be fine. Forget that the game was rigged against you from the start and don’t even fucking mind about the literal piles of bodies of nobodies that didn’t won like you did, because they didn’t worked as hard as you did. Don’t think too hard about it. Just keep working and then enjoy that money.” I don’t think you are meant to believe on that shit, but it’s what the Front Man tells himself to keep going. Everyone is equal… but some are more equal than others.

-On that sense it feels very reminiscent of the vibe that gave off Parasyte in it’s treatment of the same issue, so you can definitely enjoy it from that perspective or, if you don’t want to, can simply enjoy it as a entertaining, well made story about human drama and people literally struggling to survive, with some moments that will punch at your fucking heart and make you feel like shit as good stories tend to do.

-It’s a very aesthetically pleasing show, I can tell you that much. It’s not super artsy fartsy with a lot of symbolism going on, or maybe it was but it’s a cultural specific symbolism I didn’t catch on, but it’s still very competently made with a lot of just fucking beautiful shots in which every single frame matters and used with purpose. I don’t remember a single second that I was “why the fuck are you showing me this” because it’s actually what they DON’T show you what ends up mattering.

-Having said that, the show does have it’s twists and turns but they aren’t super difficult to not see coming if you pick up on how the show works. I wasn’t shocked by the ending because I had already seen the hows, they actually help you to come to it by going out of their way to always show you the dead bodies of past characters, so when they don’t actually do that it does stand out and if you pick on that then you can see it coming. So I personally wouldn’t recommend this show on the basis “the twist will surprise you!” because I don’t think that is right mindset to come into it. Come for the story and stay for the characters, that are all well worth it, not for the twists.

-The ending was an obvious cliff hanger for the next season, which I am fine with, but I also liked it because it kept consistent with the main character himself. Like sure, he does see how bullshit the whole game actually is, but it’s also, and this might be just my own interpretation, keeping up with what we have established already with him about having a gambling addiction because he genuelly enjoys the thrill. It’s not about the winning money, because if that were the case then he wouldn’t be immediately giving it away the second he has some, but just the winning and losing only to try again which keeps him going on. Also there is a tiny little implication that the man actually is using his gambling addiction as a consequences of untreated PTSD after watching his friend die during a protest like some form of self medication, since when he is losing or winning at least he is not having flashbacks or thinking how he tried to fight the system before one single time and it was all downhill from there. But that might be just my own intepretation again and not necesarily something they wanted to establish. In any case, that his entire character arc ends up being “he wins all the games for the first time… but at what cost” is still a very satisfactory one, so for him to be the only one to come back to play, hopefully so he can destroy it from within, is really the most interesting ending I could have imagined for him.

-I also really liked how they firmly established a narrative where some people come together through pure generosity (the group that the protagonist made) or through fear/intimidation (the group that Deok-su made). Every member from the first group comes to unite through little acts of kindness and then the protagonist just kept winning because they helped him out one way or another. He didn’t just won because he was the smartest, the most resilient or anything, but because he formed strong enough relationships with everyone to allow him keep advancing, showing another flaw of the game’s logic. See, because you are meant to work all on your own and be a lone wolf in wolf street and eliminate everyone that gets in your way, because that is supposed to be the only way you can “win”. But he doesn’t win like that, he literally just stumbled on with people he was nice to and then they were nice back to him until the end, where he kept betting on people being decent and end up winning the last bet.

-Of course, this winning doesn’tcover still for the great devide that exist between the protagonist and the men who put him through that hell. The comparison of the old man does between what a poor person with no money and a multimillionare have is fucking bullshit that rings hollow, because the poor person would have never have the power to do what they did to anyone and the things the poor person concern themselves with are note ven a thought for the powerful. But it makes sense that he thinks that way when he is literally an observer of the common people from a literal tower, safe by all the medical care that his money could get him. The biggest difference between him and the protagonist is that of looking at the value of human lives, and then their only point of connection is the love of games. The old man was looking at everyone losing their lives but he himself was never in any danger from it, so of course he got to just have a good time fooling everyone and playing around.

-Honestly, the more I think about it, fuck the old man, what a fucking dick.

-Until I see a dead body I won’t believe that the cop is dead, and I hope he isn’t because he and The Front Man have pending a long fucking conversation about what the fuck happened. It’s obvious that the Front Man has fully bought on the nonsense of the system, but the fact he still is pained for what he did to his brother could hint to him having a change of heart somehow that could be very interesting to see if well handled.

-The lady that was briefly with Deok-su was just mean. She and Deok-su made a good couple of two perfectly mesh dickheads, and I was actually kinda sad when they had to go but also thought it was the only appropiate ending for the both of them so, good job on that one.

-The way that the norkorean lady was finished was fucking bullshit though. Like, equal opportunities my cat, how the fuck is fair to make players play after recieving injuries from easily preventable hazzards made AFTER already beating a game? It would be like the doll detecting someone that someone still had a finger on the other side of the line and shooting it anyway even though the rest of the body was out. Like, they literally set that up in a way to hurt someone and they got what they wanted, but if different chunks of glass just perforated the skull of the three of them or something like that? Then there wouldn’t be any game for them to enjoy and no winner either. All those richy rich richsons would have made their travel all the way there for fucking nothing. Yeah, it’s a very slim possibility but why even risk it like that so close to the finale? Narratively speaking I know why it happened, it makes sense because that allowed for the rest of the story to advance, but in-universe it really doesn’t and it was literally just to take her out of the way quick for the next plot point to take place. That was literally the only death that left me actually unsatisfied because it came out of nowhere, it wasn’t because of anything she did or could have prevented and it was so unceremonious. Like, you could have probably think some way for her to reach the same place without making so obvious you are pushing her there.

-She did looked very good on that suit, though. I wonder if the reason they gave her a suit and not a dress was because they never imagined that a woman could ever reach that far in the competition, because somehow I doubt they were specifically pushing for breaking gender norms. During a lot of the games everyone talks about how having women in your team is a disadvantage because strenght and “makes you look weak”, so I guess it makes sense that the people behind the game also had the same rationale and never even fucking bothered to get something new for her even when she turned out as a finalist. It would also explain why there is not a single employee on the entire island who is a woman, or at least none of the ones whose faces we actually get to see. Which I guess could work as another subtle evidence that despite all the posturing, there was never a “equal opportunity for all” sentiment behind any of it. The women were there literally assumed to be destined to fail from the very start. I hope that if that was the intention we get to explore a little bit of that on the next season.

-I have already seen some opinions about the show, so I might be alone on this one, but I appreciated the character of Sangwoo for what he was and how, despite all the bullshit he pulls, he is not all that evil like Deok-su and the mean lady. He genuelly helped Ali at the start without expecting anything in return because Ali helped the protagonist first, not even because he was the one getting the benefit himself, but he was also the man who turned himself into a criminal because he got greedy and wanted even more than the money he had. Like yeah, he was a selfish piece of shit, but he was allowed human moments and kept it interesting until the end. Also the actor was hot so that didn’t hurt.

-In conclusion: Ali was too good for this world.

If you enjoyed this sorta review, rambling or whatever this is about the show, and want to see more, consider supporting me through Ko-fi.

#the squid game #i saw and here are thoughts #andro is talking

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comparatist · 4 years

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Something I wrote about Manga.

Manga plays an important role in promoting tolerance for gender minorities.

Manga is a cultural phenomena in Japan and the rest of the world. It’s not exactly a genre but an art of storytelling comprising the interests of all age groups. The style is considered to have its origin in ukiyo-e-prints of Hokusai in 19 century. The tradition lies in the creation of humorous art. There are tales of men who love to cook and woman who love to eat, Sommeliers having their extraordinary penchant for wine and the list goes on. Though the manga tradition has been categorised into four distinctive groups based on gender stereotypes, like ‘shonen’ being targeted for the young male audience and ‘shojo’ being set to arrest the attention of young female audience, while ‘sinen’ and ‘josel’ getting marketed for the older male and the female consumers respectively, significant crossover in the readership has been thoroughly noticed on the grounds of demanding good books over gendered stereotyped ones. Manga, as a mass medium of serialised characters has played a socially critical as well as an escapist role since the 1970s. However during the 20s and 30s, manga was explicitly a matter of juvenile interest, but then, after the economic boom in the post-World War 2 era, it expanded its market for all ages and social sections while exploring vast amount of subject matter. They however, primarily, focussed on sports, large eyed adolescents, the adventures of samurai and gangsters, and tales that indulge into the deep layers of sex and violence, often evoking pornographic fantasies.

Yaoi, also known as boys love or BL is a genre in manga and other such media platforms such as anime, drama CDs etc. exploring the features of homoerotic relationships between male characters. The general has been created by woman authors for female audience but the section attracts male readers too. It is basically defined by its characteristic feature of paring the male characters in the role of protagonists. The sexual top is known as ‘seme’ who becomes the active pursuer while the passive pursuant one is known as ‘uke’ or the sexual bottom. The term yaoi dates back to the doujinshi culture of the late 1970s to the early 1980s. It was then as self-deprecating way of referring to an amateur fan art parodying the mainstream manga and anime depicting their male characters in vague or explicitly sexual circumstances. Such writing or art resembles two Helens Cixous' idea of the “I’ecriture feminine” or the feminine fiction where writing is a way of pleasure for women to celebrate their desires by creating narratives around effeminate bodies thereby suggesting for a safe distance for the women’s desires and physical selves while defamiliarising the female body by making it somewhat male, reducing the vulnerability of woman, often implicated in an overtly sexual text and showing a way to expand her boundaries that she would not have done in real life, but through erotic discourse, anchored to the male body of the passive uke.

Shoujo manga stories also play an important part in the featuring of romances between young boys or young men from the mid 1970s.

In many Yaoi mangas, the performative male bodies, being the key to the unfolding of the narratives, especially during sexual acts, do succumb to heterosexual roles. In sexually violent manga of the yaoi genre, the male body of uke performs the role of the body to be violated which may even include male pregnancy(mpreg), pheromones going out of control etc. Therefore the romanticised, beautiful male body(bishounen) is made to play various roles ranging from pornography and wish fulfilment to a aesthetic beauty and different ideas of ‘tough love,’ as often the victim is portrayed to be falling in love with the assailant and forgiving his trespassing. These tales cater exclusively to the female psychosexuality, as they are produced by and for women and as there is no involvement of the female body in the stories, enter amount of pleasure that is derived from these texts is through mental correlation.

‘Boku Patalliro!’ is a Japanese manga series which explores the themes of yaoi, was written and illustrated by Mineo Maya. The plot focusses on comedy, primarily the weird adventures of Patalliro himself. Generally episodic in nature, the subplots often have little connection to the main one, other than involving the same identities.

Patalliro du Malyner VIII is the 10 year old diabetic child King of Malynera who grooms himself as a cat when he finds himself in frustrating circumstances and mimics the run of a cockroach when there is the need to speed up. In 1982-‘83, when homosexuality was still considered a taboo, Patalliro daringly flaunted it for laughs. Bancoran is an MI6 agent appointed by the British to be Patalliro’s personal bodyguard, is an efficient killer. The character identifies himself as an effeminate homosexual person. There are instances of Patalliro making fun of Bancoran's sexual nature which the latter is forced to accept owing to the royal advantage that the former enjoys. Bancoran is constantly frustrated because the enemy-agent assassins that he fights off to maintain Patalliro’s safety are the ones he fantasizes about. Patalliro himself seems to have interesting Bancoran and often tries to seduce him through various disguises or role-playing likes of which are that of a pretty boy or a beautiful woman.

Presence of beautiful, effeminate bishounens are abundant in the shounen-ai mangas, as well as socially accepted good looking Tamanegis (King’s group of elite guards) as bi-seinens in disguise. Patalliro’s narrative is parodic and pokes fun at itself through parodying the shounen-ai culture in many ways. Mild boy-on-boy actions, lighthearted atmosphere and good vibes are the salient features of the shounen-ai manga even if there are mentions of violence, it's not extreme. Another yaoi trope is the mannerisms and the gaits of the characters being very dignified to match with their physical beauty.

The semes are amazing lovers and are able to deal with their counterpart’s tantrums. Bancoran's relationship with Maraich, who once tried to assassinate him and almost regularly beats him up, is that of a regular heterosexual couple and he takes care of Maraich like a ‘husband should'. Maraich, a firm believer of monogamous relationship based on mutual loyalty gets pregnant despite being a man which, kind of makes their picture of domestic bliss complete.

However, when the subject of tolerance towards gender minority shown through manga is being discussed, the readers and critical thinkers should keep in mind that the concept of consent is often overlooked in a text emphasising on overtly sexual portions. The seme-uke relationships are often devoid of permission and the way they get portrayed through the mangas, is nothing but a normalisation of manipulation and glorification of the violation of bodily autonomy,. Body shaming and extremely unconventional body features creating serious insecurity and unrealistic expectations among Japanese gay men isn’t something that should be considered tolerant in any sense. Gay men often feel uncomfortable at their representation in such texts where bodies and sexuality are produced and consumed as tools of entertainment for women. However, the question of sexual exploration vs one sided homosexual ‘love’ being imposed upon the other is not raised as there has already been the normalisation of the disturbing trend in Japanese pornography, both gay and straight, of the sexual recipient not acting according to his/her will as words like ‘iya’ meaning ‘no’, ‘yamete' meaning ‘stop', ‘itai’ meaning ‘it hurts' get frequently used. Surely, manga covering the yaoi genre has great representation of the gay sexual love and relationships but the absence of consent in most cases doesn’t really make it tolerant for the gender minorities. Mere representations are not enough and the concept of free will in a healthy relationship should be a much discussed topic in the manga tales. It’s high time we realise that an act upon it.

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snicketsleuth · 6 years

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Slackin’ with the Sleuth: reviewing Netflix’s “The Vile Village”

After two sluggish double-episodes, we are now headed to the three best two-parters of the second season, nay, of the entire show until now. Today, we’re going to talk about direction. “A Series of Unfortunate Events” has suffered not only from being overwritten, but also from being under-directed. Not an unfortunate consequence of the original writer being involved in the production of the television series, but rather of the other writers not controlling him enough. Episodes written by Daniel Handler get a bad rep amongst the fandom, but from their structure it’s pretty clear that he was more than willing to change his own outlines and listen to the contributions of other people. That being said, it’s hard to criticize the guy who came up with the work you’re supposed to adapt. Which is why episodes written by other people and peer-reviewed by Handler tend to fare better, as his role is to remind everyone of what made the story so successful in the first place.

We’ll see how this contributed to the improvement in direction in the latter half of Season 2. Most of it comes from the production team finally treating the series not only as an adaptation, but also as its own cinematic work. Let’s determine why below the cut.

DISCLAIMER (NOTHING TO DO WITH THE REVIEW):

I missed you guys, it’s been a while.

I apologize for abandoning the blog for so long, to the point that some of you people started worrying about me. I do appreciate the concern, so thank you. Most of my absence can simply be explained away by the many hours I’ve had to put into my day job. This has led to difficult choices regarding my hobbies and extra-work activities, writing for this blog being one of them. Truth be told, I don’t feel this blog fulfils as interesting a purpose as it did before. I’ve already talked about most book theories I cared about, and the books have been discussed to death at that point. As to other types of analyses, there are plenty of talented people on Tumblr who do it as well as me, so I didn’t feel the need to add much to the debate. But I’ve had time to think about plenty of Snicket-related topics during my absence, so no, the blog isn’t dead, just… much less active as it was a few years back. Stay tuned for more, my love for the books and their associated material is very much alive and kicking.

With all due respect (and affection) for our community, your duly devoted Sleuth.

This is the most atmospheric episode to date, and a beautiful one at that. While episodes of the first season certainly had their ambiance, most of it came from the introduction of new musical themes. The second season tries to bring the direction to the next level by fashioning each double-episode after a certain genre, which influences the entire aesthetic of the piece from its writing, colors and camera work. This is perfectly in line with the tone of the original series: each book focuses on a vivid and peculiar location which becomes a character in and of itself, and also parodies specific literary tropes. In keeping with this tradition, the televised version of “The Austere Academy” mocks coming-of-age teen movies, “The Erstaz Elevator” has shades of musical romantic comedies from Hollywood’s Golden Age, “The Vile Village” pays homage to Westerns, “The Hostile Hospital” is a straight-up horror exploitation flick and “The Carnivorous Carnival” is a neo-expressionist drama. Or rather that’s what we were supposed to infer. In reality, “The Austere Academy” and “The Erstaz Elevator” don’t have anything special in terms of direction to truly allude to their models, and while “The Carnivorous Carnivale” is a blatant remake of “Freaks”, so was the book in the first place. Only with “The Vile Village” and “The Hostile Hospital” do we see the direction add a substantial commentary on the original aesthetic of their respective book. So while the intention is laudable, the execution is somewhat lacking as far as the entire season is concerned. More on that in the next review.

But for now let’s just gush over the gorgeous visuals of “The Vile Village”. Westerns describe the struggle of civilization in a lawless territory, a perfect setting for the crux of a book concerned with legality and mob psychology. While the introduction of the Nevermore tree leaves something to be desired, we do eventually get some fantastic shots. The integration of the CGI and the digital matte paintings significantly improves from this episode on, although whether the artificiality of previous episodes was an intentional choice from the directors is anyone’s guess. The scene of Hector’s first flight aboard the self-sustaining mobile home is a work of beauty. One must regret his line about crows being too “scary”, though. Not only is this an unnecessary change to his character (he is fascinated by the crows in the book), it doesn’t even make sense as the adaptation does not portray Hector as being scared of crows in any shape or form otherwise. He actually has a line about admiring them in the first part of the episode! What on Earth were the writers thinking?

The feels of Western movies is well-rendered, with an impressive focus or lighting. What the director seems to have forgotten is how dusty the Village of Fowl Devotees should look. This is pretty unforgivable given that the book insists on the unbearable feeling of dirtiness which permeates the town. There’s an egregious continuity error where the Baudelaire orphans escape from prison in a massive cloud of debris… then come into the next shot with immaculate clothing. This is a major sin as far as immersion goes.

Another blatant directorial choice is the tendency to film scenes across a two-dimensional space, with characters moving from one side of the screen to the next. This ever-present horizontal axis gives the series a somewhat stiff aspect, with characters not being able to express themselves in a dynamic body language in action scene. There are two possible reasons for this camerawork. Firstly, it makes certain scenes easier to follow (we must not forget that the series is expected to remain watchable for small children), although a little boring on the visual side. Secondly, it does imitate the format of a theater stage, and the theater world plays an important role in Snicket’s world, from “The Marvelous Marriage” to “La Forza del Destino”. I do think the showrunners went a little too far in this direction, though. If they’re so deadest on reproducing the feel of a theater production, maybe they should just pitch the series as a Broadway show rather than a television series. The chase sequences in this double-episode look more like a Street Fighter screen than a cinematic production.

But by far the greatest contribution of this episode is the merciful introduction of SILENCE. What a relief to hear the godforsaken concertina shut up for one minute and let us enjoy the dialogue! The heart of the double-episode comes from the back-and-forth dynamic between Jacques and Olaf (or, to a lesser extent, Esmé and Olivia). Truly a battle between blind, hopeful idealism and cynical nihilism. Major props to Nathan Fillion, who remains possibly the best actor in the entire series, and Neil Patrick Harris who should ruin the seriousness of the scenes with his constant bebopping but somehow doesn’t.

This however comes as the expanse of the Baudelaire orphans themselves, whose presence is somewhat secondary in this episode. The symbolism of them escaping the town in a fire truck is a strike of genius… but the Isadora couplet subplot is drastically skipped over and the unnecessary introduction of Mr Poe drastically reduces their screentime. It’s more forgivable than in “The Erstaz Elevator” as most scenes between the adult characters do help move the plot forward and provide interesting information, but it’s still one of our major criticisms for this season. The writers are clearly infatuated with the adult actors, which hurts the pacing of the story. It’s a shame as the child actors’ acting shows major improvements in the second season. Louis Hynes comes into his own in the prison scene, but the breakneck speed of the scene’s direction does not leave him enough room to grow. We will however concede that Jacquelyn and Larry don’t overstay their welcome in this episode, and that Jacques and Olivia’s romance is sweet to look at. While we disagree with the changes made to Olivia’s character on the whole (we’ll get to that in my review of “The Carnivorous Carnival”), it did produce some well-written, well-acted scenes. Less appreciated is the unnecessary and overstated introduction of a Violet/Duncan romance subplot… this is what happens when you base 90% of an adaptation on what admittedly amounts to fan-pandering. It’s sweet, then it’s sweeter, then you’ve got diabetes.

As far as character development goes, it’s pretty hit-or-miss. Esmé is as usual fantastic. The writers have managed to attain a difficult equilibrium regarding her character dynamic: she obeys enough not to overshadow him, but she also acts as her own antagonist, pursuing her own goals and betraying him if the need arises. The rest of the troupe also has an interesting dynamic with her and her integration in the crime family feels pretty seamless.

But so far we’ve saved the worst for the last paragraph, and as you’ve probably guessed, we’re going to have to speak about Hector. Gods almighty, what a waste of a perfectly good character. Josephine’s death was shot in a very disrespectful manner, but at least her character remained mostly the same. Here the Hector from the books, a tragic and heartbreaking portrayal of peer pressure and social anxiety, is reduced to a joke. To add insult to injury, it’s not even a funny joke: his constant fainting gets tedious quickly. And the ultimate twist about his mom’s fate not being the source of his trauma after all basically reduces his arc to a complete waste of the viewer’s time. If the writers hated him so much, why not just cut his screen time instead of demeaning his entire existence? This does not bode well for a potential adaptation of “All The Wrong Questions”, as Hector’s outlook on family loyalty and peer pressure is somewhat of a plot point in this series. I truly cannot begin to understand these choices as Hector plays a similar role to Hal, Charles and Jerome, who also have likewise personalities… but the writers have adapted Hal, Charles and Jerome faithfully and cleverly, so what gives?

#0542 #Lemony Snicket #ASoUE #a series of unfortunate events #review #daniel handler #Sunny Baudelaire #klaus baudelaire #violet baudelaire #Hector #esme squalor #count olaf #Arthur Poe #jacques snicket #neil patrick harris #nathan fillion #asoue netflix

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music-my-angel · 5 years

Text

Breathe in the air of family

Prompt - Can you do a Jonas brothers where Kevin and Joe are overprotective over Nick?

Prompt - Nick Jonas passing out with low blood sugar please cue over protective brothers’ xx

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Nick has had his battles with diabetes for a major part of his childhood. Growing up diabetic wasn’t fun but it was part of what he is now and Nick has learnt to live with it. After all he had his family and mainly his brothers to help him with it. He had his fair share of troubles with his diabetes and learnt very early itself to keep up with his medicines, his diet and to never miss checking his blood sugar. He has had many near misses with his blood sugar level wavering so the boy learnt to better be safe than sorry. After all, it’s not like he is ever going to forget that he is diabetic.

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But he did forget about his diabetes once. It happened during their annual 4th of July reunion. The Jonas brothers had kind of an annual reunion thin they did where no matter where they were in the world, they always travel to each other to celebrate the 4th of July altogether.

This year too, Nick travelled back home to meet up with his brothers. He was looking forward to go back home. He wanted to see his brothers again, to meet Kevin’s wife and daughters and to just breathe in the air of home again.

But it started a bit awry early morning with Nick sleeping in, nearly missing his flight and making it just in time for takeoff. And in all that rush, he forgot his medicines and flew off without them.

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Nick hadn’t even realized that he left his med kit back at his apartment. He only thought about it when at some point during the flight, he decided to check his blood sugar level and found the kit missing. Sight at his own stupidity, he decided not to think much about it given that he was going to return in two-three days.

He was just too happy to be going home. His parents weren’t home and Frankie would be coming the next day but Kevin was already there and Joe was on his way. Kevin pulled the younger boy in a hug as soon as he reached.

“Wow you look beat down” Kevin chuckled, tightening the hug when Nick let out a sigh.

“I missed you too” The boy laughed.

Before Kevin could ask him anything else, Kevin’s two daughters ran up to Nick and the boy got down to his knees to hug them.

“Come to your favorite uncle” Nick cooed.

“Nope, I’m the fav uncle. Don’t corrupt my girls” Joe warned as he walked in.

Kevin had a fond smile on his face as he watched the two boys play with his daughters.

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Even Joe noticed that Nick looked a bit off.

“How have you been?” Joe asked the boy when they were alone.

“Good and you?” Nick answered.

“I’m fine but you don’t look so good” Joe said.

“I’m okay. Been a long flight” Nick sighed.

“Do you want to take a nap?” The offer rolled off Kevin’s tongue before he could even think that he isn’t talking to his daughters but to his little brother who wasn’t so little anymore.

“I don’t need a nap” Nick rolled his eyes as he got back to Danielle and the girls.

“He’s still cranky when he doesn’t get enough sleep” Joe said chuckling.

Kevin laughed along, shaking his head.

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It was a little before dinner when Nick realized that he really wasn’t feeling fine. He knew that he should have told his brothers about not bringing his medicines but he was just hoping that nothing would go wrong. But unfortunately, it wasn’t going as he planned.

He had been playing with Alena while still keeping an eye on Valentina while Danielle set the table. Nick remembers standing up to lead the girls to the table when he started feeling dizzy.

“Nick? Dinner’s ready” he heard Danielle say but his feet were already giving way as he dived forward.

Thankfully, Joe was not too far from the boy and managed to just catch him before he could face plant.

“Hey! Nick?” Joe lowered the boy down, shouting patting his cheeks to wake him up.

“I knew he wasn’t fine. Let’s get him to the couch and then I’ll go fine his med kit” Kevin said.

Together they helped put Nick on the couch before Kevin raided Nick’s suitcase for his med kit and being absolutely fuming at the boy when he didn’t find out.

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Nick woke up to a small prick in his finger and blinked to see Kevin checking his blood sugar level.

“Where…?” Nick tried to ask the man where he found a med kit.

“Your blood sugar level is down boy.” Kevin sighed.

“Forgot my kit” Nick tried to say.

“I know. I didn’t find one in your bag. Luckily we still have one at home” Kevin smiled.

“You gave us a good scare buddy.” Danielle said, from the doorway where she was keeping an eye on her girls.

“The girls…” Nick trailed off.

“They’re fine. Worried for their uncle Nick but they’re okay” Kevin reassured Nick.

“Sorry for scaring them” Nick mumbled.

“Well, can’t stop you from being a little drama queen huh?” Joe chuckled.

“Thanks for catching me” Nick smiled at the man.

“Always” Joe smiled back, squeezing the boy’s shoulder who looked ready to fall back asleep.

“Not so soon kiddo. Food and then nap” Kevin said, ignoring the whine from the boy as he helped him up.

Kevin and Danielle forced him to eat and get his blood sugar level up again and get that nap which he didn’t want.

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The next day, Nick felt much better. As his parents and Frankie returned, they got to that annual tradition of 4th of July that they were used to. The day went by fine if you don’t mention how Kevin and Joe watched over Nick like a hawk. But it felt good to have someone watching your back. And as they linked arms over each other’s shoulders, standing in the balcony to look out, Nick could feel much better than before. It felt better to be with his brothers. It felt good to breathe in the air of family.

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A/N

Can’t believe Nick is married now!

Hope you all like it.

#jonas brothers #oneshot #nick centric #kevin #joe #danielle

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doomedandstoned · 5 years

Text

Candlemass: 35 Years A Band

~A Doomed & Stoned Double Feature~

Dare To Knock On The Door To Doom

By Magnus Tannergren

I don't know how well known it is that CANDLEMASS hails from the same hoods in the Upplands Väsby right outside Stockholm as both Yngwie Malmsteen and Europe. And it is a fact that Candlemass debut album Epicus Doomicus Metallicus was released just two weeks after Europe's smash hit album The Final Countdown. We all know that that album earned Europe worldwide fame. Candlemass, on the other hand, remained an underground affair for decades.

Yet the legacy of Candlemass cannot be underestimated in anyway when it comes to heavy music. Their slow, heavy Sabbath worship paved the way for a whole genre inspired by the heavy rock and proto-metal of the ‘70s that we call, up until this present day, doom metal. Ironically, Europe now days have returned to their roots and sound more like Deep Purple or Rainbow than anything else. The circle is complete.

Anyway, this is a review of the new Candlemass album 'The Door To Doom' (2019 - Napalm Records) and not a study of when two parallel universes collide. This album also completes a full circle for Candlemass in many ways, too. It sees the return of the mystery man who did the vocals on that legendary debut album that arrived more than three decades ago. It was shocking news when Johan Längquist was announced as the vocalist on the new album -- an album that was already done with vocals by longtime singer Mats Levén (Therion, Krux). Oh the drama...

But maybe this is exactly what Candlemass needed to get back on track. The band has not been able to really deliver the goods these past ten years or so, in my opinion. Maybe it's because of the lead singer issues that have been tormenting Candlemass for ages. The reunion with Messiah Marcolin back in 2004 went south, Rob Lowe had a great voice but didn't work out as a touring member, and so on. Add main songwriter Leif Edling’s struggles with chronic fatigue syndrome and it is easy to understand that this doomsday machine has not been firing on all its cylinders for a while.

Yet here we are now. The new album is out and it is a grand return to epic doom metal as we know it should be done by Candlemass. I am the first to admit that I was skeptical, as I always am, to these kinds of albums that try to summon the glory of the past by reuniting with old members. But I am also the first one to admit when I am wrong. This is a fantastic Candlemass album.

The Door To Doom by CANDLEMASS

The voice of Längquist has matured as a good wine. It depth and grandeur coupled with attitude and experience. The vocals add that extra drama to tracks like "Splendor Demon Majesty" and "Astorolus – the Great Octopus" (yes, there is a solo by Tony Iommi on this, so another completed circle), but there is also beauty to be had, such as in the epic ballad "Bridge of the Blind" with its echoes of the great old ones, like Dio. I'm glad Johan Längquist is back. His silence has been a waste.

Musically, Candlemass delivers an album that stands proud besides the classic first four albums Epicus Doomicus Metallicus, Nightfall, Ancient Dreams, and Tales of Creation. It measures up to the challenge to invoke the gods of doom in a way that sometimes sends shivers down my spine, as I recall the greatness of this band's early years. It bares the mark of true doom and the spirits of the old classics possess this album. The guitar works by Mappe Björkman and Lasse Johansson are stellar and the thunder of Edling’s bass and Jan Lindh’s drumming is spectacular.

The music bares all the marks that makes up the legend of Candlemass. It is, in the words of the band itself, “the sound of 666.” I already mentioned some of the highlights on the album, but I must also say The Door To Doom doesn't really have any weak spots. All the songs are very strong and the riffing is epic. Despite my skepticism, I got bewitched again.

A great doom metal record, indeed, executed with precision and power. I fully believe this material has focus to make Candlemass relevant as a scene-anchoring act in metal once again and I hope they succeed, because the world needs this band. On the other hand, if this turns out to be the last album by this legendary Swedish doomers, The Door To Doom will also serve as a fitting final chapter in the Book of Candlemass. I honestly hope it’s not.

Magnus is the founder and host of Into The Void Podcast. He is also a senior staff writer at Slavestate.se, one of Sweden's oldest and most important online zines about heavy and extreme music.

☠

An Interview with

Candlemass Co-Founder

Leif Edling

By Willem Verhappen

I must say I was very surprised when the new record was announced, since at the time of its release, you said 'Psalms for the Dead' would be the final Candlemass full-length record. What made you change your mind? >

The "House of Doom" single. It was great fun to write it! Also working with producer Marcus Jidell was fantastic. We're quite a team, I must say. There I got the inspiration back for an entire album. We had a couple of band meetings about it and it was very clear that the band shared the enthusiasm for a new record. They had been playing live without me for a couple of years, with good response, but without an album it is easy for you to become a retro band pretty quick. Don't want that to happen to Candlemass.

I see what you mean. It's quite a challenge to stay relevant as an "older" band, especially in this day and age, when everything retro seems to be cool. On one hand you have bands like Priest and Saxon, who are still releasing decent records, and on the other hand there's bands who've been past their expiration date for decades. Do you prefer to see a band over their top or just remember them as they were?

That one’s easy. Remember them as they were. But having said that, it is a joy to see bands like Angel Witch, Manilla Road, Pries, and Saxon today, because they can still deliver. When you can’t deliver the goods anymore, maybe stay at home instead. Hope somebody will tap me on the shoulder one day and say “Leif...It’s time.” (laughs)

"Too many discussions & arguments over the years. Maybe some heart was missing in it all."

Just before the Christmas of 2013, you had a bout with burnout and stepped away from live performances for a while. What made you realize you needed to take a break? How did you get the “fire” back again?

A bit better, but not 100%. I'm still struggling with it. I hope I can do the rest of 2019's shows without too many problems. Have to look after myself, rest as much as I can, eat regularly, not party too much. Well, this is very "rock 'n' roll" to say, but it is great to be back. You have to listen to your body. If it says "rest," you have to step back. If it says, “Go, you can do it,” I hope I can!

I hope so. too. As a diabetic. I know it's sometimes difficult to listen to your body and not get drawn into the excitement of the rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle. Is it difficult for you? What do you do in these moments?

On the Candlemass tour with Ghost, there was lots of partying on the bus after the shows. I was there, but took it quite easy. Went to bed early, but still I felt tired in the morning. So if we go on another tour, I might have to stop drinking totally, to pull it off. Playing live almost every night takes its toll. I’m 50-plus, struggling with fatigue syndrome, on a tour bus to hell -- talk about the wrong man in the wrong place! (laughs) Said "yes" to it instantly, of course.

In 2015, you released Avatarium’s second album, 'The Girl With The Raven Mask.' Was it difficult for you to pick up writing again?

Yes, it was. Well, not super hard. The burnout gave me the time to rest and get new inspirado for songs. In a way, I’m glad that it happened. Think many people just go on and on without taking a break. They just keep on going and get themselves an aneurysm or something. I quit before that happened. Got lots of time to think about future and what to do with it. Songwriting is one part. That Avatarium album is pretty good, I think.

I agree. It's my favorite Avatarium record. But you're saying this like you're not as happy with the other two records. Is that the case?

No. I love all three of them, but the second is the best.

We spoke briefly at Roadburn 2017 and I don’t know who was more nervous, me for meeting you or you for getting back on stage, playing the first ever live show with The Doomsday Kingdom. I remember that you were afraid no one would show up. Luckily, the place was pretty crowded and you guys gave an amazing show. I still get goosebumps when I think of your emotional performance of "The God Particle." How do you remember your return to the big stage?

The stage wasn’t that big (laughs), but it felt rather good. I could have played better, plus it's true I was quite nervous. It was the first small step to a full return, I would say.

In September of 2017, I spoke to Markus Jidell at an Avatarium show and he told me you were working on something very special. This was shortly before the 'House of Doom' EP was announced, so I assumed he was talking about that. Was he or were you already working on 'The Door To Doom'?

We worked on the House of Doom for about six months before we started on the full-length album. If I remember correctly, we started the demoing of the new songs on November 1st. The full album took exactly one year to make. Too long! Next time, I hope I’m better, then I hope we can deliver an album in three to six months. Shouldn’t take more time than that.

Does that mean there will be more Candlemass music coming our way?

Well, eventually. Hopefully!

The only surprise bigger than a new record was the return of Johan Längquist. How did that come about?

During the recording, we felt something was missing. We had too many discussions and arguments over the years -- all of us. Maybe some heart was missing in it all. I'd worked my ass off for this record, but was struggling with my health. Too much work, too much business, too many arguments, too much bull! In the end, we took a band decision to bring in Johan again -- go back to the "ground zero" of Doom, so to speak. Mats had done a great job, but we needed to do something in C-mass to find the spark again and Johan was the answer. Now we focus on having fun, not letting any business take over. I have no clue if it will last a year or two. At least we will enjoy the time left.

Lyrically, as well as musically, I think ‘The Door To Doom’ feels like a very dark record. What were your inspirations while writing this album?

It’s a good thing that people see the albums music and lyrics in different ways. I don’t think it is that dark. We have done darker things in C-mass, definitely. The songs are about the state of the world, how I feel myself during the burnout process, sea monsters, and reflections upon life in general. This time around, I’m pretty satisfied with the lyrics.

"I have no clue if it will last a year or two. At least we will enjoy the time left."

It's no secret that you’re a massive Black Sabbath fan, owning over half a meter worth of vinyl of their debut alone. I can only imagine how special it must have been for Tony Iommi to play on your record. How did that come about and what was it like working with Tony?

We just asked him. Seriously. We asked and got a "yes!" Our manager emailed his personal manager. Couldn’t believe it when we had the positive answer back. I was over the moon. Tony Iommi will play on my song! Hardest thing was to keep my mouth shut for three months. (laughs) But, you know, if you aim for the stars, you might succeed. He sent us the solo after a while and it was absolutely great! A dream came true.

Amazing how easily these things can happen.

Yes, Dio said once in an interview that he would have loved to guest sing on records but he never had the question put to him.

You’re currently on tour, opening for Ghost. When I went to see your show in Amsterdam, I noticed their audience is turning more mainstream. For instance, before your show, I heard someone say: “I looked up Candlemass online. They sound kind of like AC/DC.” Do you recognise this and how have the reactions been so far?

I have heard that we sound like Iron Maiden and Motörhead, to mention a couple. AC/DC? That’s a first. But the crowd reaction for our short set during the Ghost tour has been really good, actually. Better than we expected, so we must have done something right. The reactions for the album have been fantastic. Super great criticism from all over the world. And the Cardinal said to us, “You are special guest on this tour. You’re not the support act.”

With a band like Ghost, I can imagine the touring life is quite the experience. Did you have a chance to interact with those guys much beyond the stage?

Not really, they play a nearly three-hour long set and they take it seriously, as you should. We did have a couple of record hunting trips with the Cardinal that were very pleasant. He is a real vinyl buff, so we raided some shops here and there.

I can only imagine how these raids go about. What's your best find this tour?

The first Steamhammer record. First press on Brain €50. I gave it to the Cardinal after the last show, since we really wanted it, too. He got it as a gift from me, saying thanks for a great tour.

Since you’re a record collector and a fan of old school metal, are there any new bands you’re into that you think everyone should check out?

I haven’t bought a record with a new band for several years. I have no clue what’s going on in the metal world anymore. I just buy old albums. Seems like they knew how to write songs back then. Lost art, unfortunately. Is Blood Ceremony considered to be a “new” band? They are pretty good, I think.

Do you have future plans for the band or will you be shifting focus to side projects like Doomsday Kingdom, Krux, or others?

We just released a new Candlemass album and the schedule for this year is already full, so I won’t have any time, this year anyway, to do anything other than C-mass.

True, your calendar is swelling with the Ghost tour and some festival appearances in the summer. Are there any shows you’re especially looking forward to?

Yes: Sweden Rock, Hellfest, Wacken and, well, all of them! (laughs)

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#D&S Interviews #Candlemass #Stockholm #Sweden #Doom #Epic Doom #Metal #Leif Edling #D&S Reviews #Magnus Tannergren #Napalm Records

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princessknightt · 6 years

Text

Why You Should Give Yuri A Chance

So I made a reddit post and I’m just gonna dump all the text here and link it so you lovely folks could give it an upvote ;) I’ll link it first and just lol, do a read more thing under it if you’d rather read it on tumblr.

https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/9paqmt/yall_should_try_reading_yuri_mangamanhwa/

So I've noticed a lot of lesbians and other wlw don't really read yuri manga or manhwa or manhua. And yes those are all different. Manga is Japanese, manhwa is Korean, and manhua is Chinese. There's also Thai yuri but I'm not sure what their comics are called. I have an idea why wlw don't read them and I'll agree with you gals. Yuri is sexualized and does have a bad reputation. BUT, and here's a huge but, it's definitely getting better. I could go into the history of yuri and why it was low-key, even high-key homophobic or sexist back in the day, but it's definitely getting better. If you only know of yuri from anime, then please throw that idea right in the trash. Yuri manga is different, there's actual lesbian authors and just woman authors in general that save the genre.

I guess we can call this my Defense of Yuri. First of all, what yuri do people usually see and what's usually popular? It's stuff like Citrus and NTR that are popularized because they were animated. Also Happy Sugar Life and that new Loli Maid anime that's super gross. These manga are not really serious and end up being gross representations of what lesbians are like. And yet it's what's popular, leading people to believe most yuri is like this. This is wrong. There's a lot of yuri that is not fetishized and are published in yuri exclusive magazines such as Comic Yuri Hime or Yuri Shimai or Tsubomi. They also might just be original doujins that aren't officially published.

This brings me to my second point. Because the popular yuri titles are fetishized and really just paint yuri in a bad light, people wouldn't want to try diving into the genre. And that's the sad part because there are definitely queer authors who are making really good stuff that just isn't seen and supported enough to become popular. Nakatani Nio's Bloom Into You is a better yuri manga about discovering the MC's sexuality that isn't sexualized and is actually a serious work. It's also getting an anime adaptation so hopefully more people will give anime a chance. It's noteworthy that Nakatani Nio is a woman who, while she may not be queer, she actually understands how women think. That's honestly more important since the fetishized yuri tend to be made by men who have no clue.

So basically what I'm trying to get at is that the popular yuri titles are bad examples of what yuri is and can actually be, I'll list some examples of good yuri manga and a few manhwas and manhuas too. Before we go to the examples and recommendations, I just want to make sure that I reiterate that the popular yuri anime ain't shit and honestly you shouldn't really stream them either. Citrus is literally pseudo-incest, NTR is about cheating, Happy Sugar Life is about a pedophilic yandere, and the Loli Maid anime is pedophilic too. So yeah, just don't bother with them, they were definitely not written with women in mind. What you should do is try and support the queer and/or women authors who produce actual good yuri.

1. Tamen de Gushi by Tan Jiu (Chinese): So this one is one I think a lot of lesbians have actually read but this shit is super cute and about those two high school girls figuring out their feelings for each other. Unfortunately because of China's censorship laws, the author isn't allowed to show any explicit or even overt homosexuality in the story but it's still a really nice slice-of-life.

2. What Does the Fox Say? by Team Gaiji (Korean): Ah yes, another one that is fairly popular with lesbians I think. It's basically a dramatic romance between two office workers that's also a bit of a love triangle. It's very dramatic, kinda like a kdrama, and it's also very much gay. There's explicit gay content and you get invested in the story easily. (VERY NSFW)

3. Pulse by Ratana Satis (Thai): This is a more racy story about a heart surgeon and her patient haha. So it's definitely very dramatic but also very gay. Like wow it's gay as fuck. And the story itself is interesting and I got heavily invested in the drama too. (ALSO IT'S NSFW)

4. Collectors by Nishi Uko (Japanese): So this is a gem following the lives of two women who are avid collectors of things, and their relationship together. This is one of those rare ones where they're already together and it's just navigating their day to day lives in a very mature way. It's really nice.

5. Wife and Wife by Minamoto Hisanari (Japanese): So this is literally what the title says. It's slice of life with two women who married each other and it's their newlywed life. It's super cute and diabetes inducing and gay.

6. Bright and Cheery Amnesia by Tamamusi (Japanese): This one is a comedy about the trope where your lover gets amnesia but it's super cute because said lover immediately falls in love with you again. Except with two women and the humor is on point.

7. Strawberry Shake by Hayashiya Shizuru (Japanese): This is also a comedy, even going so far as a gag comedy about two idols and their love story. It's super funny and cute and one of my favorites because I read this when I was like, 15 and still questioning and it really just made me laugh. It was nice having a romantic comedy with a lesbian couple, er, pining lesbian couple.

8. Cirque Arachne by Saida Nika (Japanese): This is an interesting story about being in a circus and falling in love there. I'm not really sure how to describe it but it's really good.

9. The Love Doctor by Chamsae (Korean): This is a story about a college student consulting a "love doctor" about why she can't get a boyfriend (she doesn't actually feel any attraction to guys *hint* *hint*). And the doctor happens to also be gay oh my. But it's a nice drama that was honestly pretty relatable for me because I completely understood where the MC was coming from. And their relationship does get really cute and like all Korean manhwas, it's very reminiscent of a kdrama.

10. Bloom Into You by Nakatani Nio (Japanese): I already mentioned this story but this is a high school coming of age story. It's navigating the feelings the MC has and how those feelings "bloom." I think it's a very mature take on the typical high school love story and there's even an asexual male side character. I think it was nicely written and you can even buy the printed translated copies if you wanted.

These are just a few recommendations I have so if this post gets a lot of attention, I can make another post of recs that I think are good reads. You can find sites to read these through googling them and adding manga online or something, but most are found on dynasty reader (google it). Oh right, and also it's important to note whether it's Japanese or not because the Japanese ones are the only ones you read from right to left, the others are left to right. As an additional note, if anyone wants me to do like, a history of yuri or something, I can probably do that because god, I read too much. Or if you want more recs haha.

#yuri #lgbt #lesbian #its legit good stuff yall #dont knock it just cause its called yuri

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thecoroutfitters · 6 years

Link

Written by Wild Bill on The Prepper Journal.

As Preppers we must keep up with the events that will affect our lives and one in England is the icing on the cake. The spreading of the gooey, sickeningly sweet sugar coating over a real problem has once again been applied with the strokes of a government so clueless as to punish with a broad stroke its law abiding subjects as opposed to fix the fundamental problem which they themselves cooked up.

Okay, the puns stop NOW, but such is the blind ambition of people smarter that the rest of us who are callous in their application of solutions that do more harm than good and veiled as “in the public good.” What was an empire founded by the sword, one where the sun once never set, is now a land where the second weapon of choice, and a valuable EDC staple, knives, are also illegal in most of their forms.

The Government of England has issued a new decree/law on knives and we all as Preppers need to read and understand this law, even if we don’t live in England. The link, thankfully, is direct and to the point, as opposed to any similar policies that would/will come out of the American Government. The last line is the one that I label as the most sinister thing I have read in a while – “A court will decide if you’ve got a good reason to carry a knife or a weapon if you’re charged with carrying it illegally.”

As a subject of the British government you can no longer order knives on-line.

This article is from a related website posted back in April of this year in response to a decree from the current Lord Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan on knives and the restriction, again, on his law abiding subjects, because his minions having lost all semblance of lawful control of the city of 8.7 million (known) people – by comparison NYC has 8.5 million (known) residents.

This same Mayor stated “…he believes the threat of terror attacks are “part and parcel of living in a big city” and encouraged Londoners to be vigilant to combat dangers..” But now they can only carry harsh words to “combat dangers” but, no wait, they imprison people for saying hateful things, so forget harsh language: The Communications Act of 2003 defines illegal communication as “using public electronic communications network in order to cause annoyance, inconvenience or needless anxiety”. Breaking the law carries a six-month prison term or fine of up to £5,000. The media must have an exclusion to the law. So no texts, no instant messages, no emails, no pics on Instagram, no comments on Facebook that can be deemed offensive by the thought police. Another law that has far more reaching “unintended consequences”, or were they the actual intent?

It is rumored that when Tomas de Torquemada was asked during the Spanish Inquisition what is “heresy against the church” his reply was “it is whatever I say it is.” And so, again, we see history repeating itself, lessons NOT learned.

I chose the icing spreader as it almost fits the official definition in England of an acceptable knife, it is too long actually and any mods – filling an edge to be sharper, will most certainly get you a trip to a London jail. And, of course, to take the lunacy further, using an icing spreader and spreading icing on someone trying to attack you, your family, friends, neighbors or strangers right in front of you is also a form of assault and will also get you a ride to jail.

So NEVER use this as a weapon, even in self-defense. After all they may already have diabetes, so this would be accessory to murder, even if they die years later. Far fetched? Have I gone off the deep end more so than this policy and its application to fix a problem that is being used to further disarm the subjects of the British government? In America you are still free to decide that for yourselves.

Some British can Still Own Guns

“Members of the public may own sporting rifles and shotguns, subject to licensing, but handguns were effectively banned after the Dunblane school massacre in 1996 with the exception of Northern Ireland. Dunblane was the UK’s first and only school shooting.” A horrible act and reading the link is very hard. Finding a link that presented a factual account was much harder. On this side of the pond we are all too aware of these tragedies. We are also very aware of how they are exploited, how the facts are spun and twisted to meet the agenda as opposed to the facts simply being presented and supported by evidence.

The origins of our 2A Rights can be directly traced to the policies of authoritarian British Governments and it appears they are circling back to that form of government again, or, they are exploiting the tragedies they themselves have inflicted upon their subjects.

My real point here is that we hear about such policies on the news, in passing and we tend not to look under the covers. Juggling our own lives and needs and daily dramas is keeping us engaged, and that is the devils playground. As Preppers we should always expose information to the light of day and strive to understand the driving forces behind things. And at the end of this chain, if you follow it back to its origins, there is a root cause – the invasion of Europe by an immigrant population that will keep its facilitators in power. This isn’t news to Preppers or to most people, it is just misplaced on the devils playground and THAT is when we are blindsided.

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The post Let Them Eat Cake appeared first on The Prepper Journal.

from The Prepper Journal Don't forget to visit the store and pick up some gear at The COR Outfitters. How prepared are you for emergencies? #SurvivalFirestarter #SurvivalBugOutBackpack #PrepperSurvivalPack #SHTFGear #SHTFBag

#SHTF #TEOTWAWKI #MARTIALLAW #BUGOUT #PREPPERBAG #USAF #USSOCOM #ARMY #NAVY #SurvivalFirestarter #Sur

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girlfoxcock · 7 years

Note

Hi! I read your post about Colony, and I wonder what are the errors that you find, perhaps I've not paid much attention :s I would like to know, thank you

thank you for sending me this ask so i can answer it and avoid working on my finals

Most of Colony covers it’s tracks pretty well. When I like a show I find that I’m way more forgiving with small mistakes and I can usually find a solid explanation for them.

I think that’s the main thing with Colony: there’s a lot of small plot holes, but you can say that there are explanations if you look. Colony doesn’t have any gaping problems, they’re small.

Here’s one: (SPOILERS) Maddie’s son is diabetic, right? And the RAPs cut off insulin to diabetics because they want the weak to die off, right? That’s (partially) why Maddie went up to the green zone because she’d be able to get insulin for her son. Unfortunately, near the end of the second season, the son is sent away for his safety... but he’s going to die, because the RAPs aren’t going to give him any insulin.

Now you could say that maybe Maddie already knew that which makes his departure even more emotional, or somehow the RAPs would continue to give him meds due to connections they still have (altho the finale of season 2 kinda shows that every connection she had is gone). I dunno. It’s a small thing, it won’t ruin the show, but it’s still there.

There are other small things people can nitpick, but from what I’ve seen, they can be explained if you look for an explanation. I mean, the show doesn’t have enough episodes for it to waste time explaining itself anyway.

For me the biggest issue with the show is just the drama the family has that only exists because the plot needs it. Season 2 is better with the bowman family realizing that they function better by keeping their heads (or bram does, at least).

So yeah, it’s just a bunch of small things. It’s still a solid show, and I can look past the small shortcomings. Season 3 might be the best season yet because now that the family’s on their own, the drama is based on survival.

(People also complain about the reason why Charlie was left behind, why Devon had to die, how Katie kept her secret for so long away from Will, etc. but I feel those can also be explained)

#colony #colony usa #Anonymous

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aotoshironojersey · 7 years

Text

I made a thing...

and it’s terrifying me that I was able to write a.first person pov and b. story withouth GP living happily ever after. But I let you decide it for yourself

Without further ado:

Title: You’re only sleeping

Author: Aotoshiro (Milana16 on AO3)

Genre: angst, fluff, flungst?, definitely a major character death but I’m not sure if it isn’t a spoler, or a clickbait for angst lovers who will then sue me for getting diabetes....

Characters: Golden Pair, Fuji Shuuske, guest appearance rest of Seigaku Regulars

You’re only sleeping.

That was what doctor had said when we’ve asked for information on you, that you weren’t the one hurt, and were only sleeping. I knew instantly, that he hasn’t seen this green thread, the one that joined you with the person doctor was “more concerned about”. He didn’t knew you won’t leave your partner, no matter on which side he would end.

He didn’t know your heart would just stop beating if its twin did so in the other’s chest; even if it was healthy, unhurt, even if the body it supported wasn’t damaged- because the part it relied on was in a completely different place, different body.

You’re only sleeping.

It was a lie. I saw the white thread of your life sink into your body, getting darker and darker until it wasn’t black, sinking at the place where your heart stopped beating at the same time as the flat line signal screeched in the adjacent operation room. I knew I had lost, the moment the thread joining you and me changed its tone, to the much darker blue than that of anybody else joined with you, but still a blue. A one that was being joined by few other blues, only to be mixed into one thick thread. Still, it was not enough to balance the disappearing thread of your partner’s life.

You’re only sleeping.

I see the threads of emotions connected with you disappear, one by one. Your and your partner family’s one-the gold thread- disappear at the same time as the beautiful blue one and I smile against myself. The people that were going to forget you only at their own deathbeds were your relatives and us, your teammates. That felt…suitable, somehow.

You’re only sleeping.

I want to believe those words, those lies people put to use to comfort me, your best friend, but I know it’s impossible. I know it, because I had been on a countless sleepovers and had you sleep over at mine probably just as many times, maybe more, and I know how did you look when sleeping. I know that you twitch and turn and mumble incoherently-well, unless it is our names, your friends and teammates, who you’re calling. Those are, were always crystal clear- and if you stay still, it is for no longer than a minute or so. So I know they’re lying.

I know you’re not going to get up, because, well, it is pretty late now, and while you liked to sleep in sometimes, it was definitely too late for you to sleep now. Stay in bed, maybe, provided you had a companion, but sleep? Never.

However, the reason why I know it all so clearly, and the reason that the pain in my chest is maybe a little smaller than everybody could expect of me, is the person laying there right beside you, so close that you seem to be cuddling. The reason of why you not waking up isn’t that bad of a thing, even if it’s a tragedy. If somebody had heard me, he’d said I was cruel to think that, but I just can’t bring myself to think otherwise. I am, after all, your best friend, and I can understand your priorities. Besides…

There is a voice, calm and deep, but still louder and clearer than the blurred murmurs trying to console me.

‘They’re not waking up, no matter how long you’ll look at them.’

People sound offended, but our captain stands there, unaffected by it. People will call him coldhearted, that’s for sure. Well, fuck them; they don’t know you like he and I do.

‘Yes, I know.’ I say calmly, then suddenly chuckle. People look at me like I went crazy. They know so little of me, of us, and of you. ‘I’ve lost the battle of his most important person, after all. Ne, Tezuka, what do you think he is telling me?’

‘You’re not forcing me into saying that out loud.’ Tezuka says sternly, but the corner of his lip twitches upwards. Here of all places; people that weren’t you probably thought we were crazy, both of us…

‘Something like: “Gomen, Fujiko, nya! Oishi needs me more now. We’ll see each other later, nya!”, Fuji-senpai.’ A new voice joins into our conversation calmly and I look at our kouhai.

‘You’re probably right, Momo. You were their son, after all.’ I joke, and Seigaku Regulars of old time that came in with Tezuka joins our semicircle, as Momo sheepishly smiles.

‘Yeah… There’s no certainty to it, though. There is only one person who can predict Eiji-senpai, after all.’

‘And the only person that can keep him out of the trouble while away from us.’ Added Tezuka, looking at you just like I did before. I know, though, that his mind is on your partner. He is his best friend, after all. I nod, fully aware of the suspicious looks we’re being given, but really, people can’t understand that, while you being taken from us is a tragedy, it isn’t final farewell, contrary to their reason of being here, at Oishi Shuichiro and Kikumaru Eiji’s funeral. Of course, there is a probability that we’ll need more time to meet in the next life, we can even end up facing off as enemies before recognizing each other, but we’ll eventually get back, like the opposites of magnets.

People would say I believe in magic, if I said that out loud, an I’d have to agree with them. I believe in magic that was you two, the Golden Pair, two people meant for each other, even after the death as the last thread, the bloody red one, is still there, joining your hearts together, and shining oh so slightly. Momo asks me in a whisper whether I see it or not. Seigaku now knows about that skill of mine- as you said, they completely do not mind it. A descendant of Moira or not, I am still their friend first and foremost.

I nod and tell them what they already knew-that they weren’t going to forget you two, just as you weren’t going to forget us; the liquid gold still embraces each of our wrists, like a happy hand tugging us down the streets in a walk to Taka’s restaurant. Like a careful grasp, checking yet another blister we’ve gotten ourselves because of our passion. This is another reason why I don’t feel as much pain as I was supposed to- my gift assures me that you are, and while we don’t know where, you exist and we will meet you again. Just you wait for us, both of you. You’ll get scolded for leaving us without a word that even your unofficial status of the best tennis doubles pair in the world won’t help you.

Even if I know you aren’t just sleeping, I can’t help but notice your and Oishi’s lips curling upwards, as your red thread-the thread of joined souls and hearts, the one exclusive only for people meant to be together forever- entangles itself around us all, wraps around Momo’s and Echizen’s necks, Inui’s and Kaidoh’s upper arms, only to twirl itself around my, Taka’s and Tezuka’s wrist, sinking into our skins, joining us together, as your Synchro did with our emotions all those years ago. I nodded, knowing very well that you were watching with hopeful eyes. Praying that I’d understand your message.

‘They’ll wait for us, so we can finish our businesses here; the only thing we’re supposed to remember is that we won’t get free from each other.’ I relayed with a smile. My teammates, that became my second family, nodded in acceptation of the last trick Eiji has pulled on us-this time with the help of Oishi.

As we left the funeral house in a comfortable silence, Momo asked seemingly a thin air.

‘I wonder why did senpais made their own funeral more heartwarming than saddening.’

‘It’s because they’re Golden Pair.’ I answered. ‘They are good in drama and all that, but more than anything, they’re the fluff.’

The wind that has picked up after my answer sounded like an embarrassed whine, and we all couldn’t help a soft laugh at it. There were tears mixed in it, of course, like they’re mixed in with every separation, no matter how long. Still, I thought as Tezuka put a hand on my right and Taka on my left shoulder, we knew that this separation will eventually end.

‘Nyaa…’

‘Yeah, I’m glad, too.’

‘It’s all thanks to Fujiko’s though! If he wasn’t with them, they wouldn’t get the final message, right?’

‘Yeah, you have great best friend, Eiji.’

‘Hoi, of course! I create bonds only with the great people, Oishi.’

‘Then, do you want to look after them for some more time?’

‘Nyah, they’re still mada, mada dane; they need to work hard if they want to reach our level before joining us. We should make it easier for them here.’

‘Agreed. So…do we…’

‘Yeah…Oishi, I…’

‘I know, me too, Eiji. Me too...’

‘Let us start the work on the next life, then.’

Kikumaru Eiji opened his eyes, the feelings caused by a strange dream replaced by the excitement at the first day in the new school and the first day in the new tennis club. He was, after all, finally a middle schooler!

Unknown to him, it the other part of town, a small blackhead by the name of Oishi Shuichiro shook himself out of his musings on the same dream, before getting ready for his next day at school.

Unbeknownst to both boys that were to meet later this day, a red thread mixed with gold has already joined them tightly, making them the heart of a nine people’s most important team.

#Golden Pair #as I said #no idea how or why I wrote that #Moira is obviously for Moira the Greek goddes of Fate #oh #now I know why I wrote that #listened too much of Sound Horizon's Moira album again

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otisdyke · 5 years

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James Bond Is a Straight White Man Now, But Should He Be in the Future?

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The next James Bond movie, slated to come out in 2020, is expected to be Daniel Craig’s last as 007. That has anyone even vaguely interested in Bond speculating about who should replace him, and a number of people—including a Bond producer—have suggested the character should be played by an actor of color or a woman.

On Friday, the actor Ralph Fiennes, who plays M in the latest Bond films, waded into the discussion during an interview on the BBC show Newsnight, saying: “I’d like to see a great black actor inhabit a Bond-like persona, but necessarily have it be in the same franchise. I think we remake the idea of a Bond as a woman, or as an actor of any ethnicity in another vehicle.”

The comments drew an almost immediate reaction on Twitter, where the audience seemed split: some people applauded the statement, while others pointed out that, uh, Ralph, you took over the role of M from Dame Judi Dench—a woman—who was playing a role originally written for a man.

Ralph Fiennes, who plays M in the latest James Bond movies, at the Moscow premier of SPECTRE in 2015.

Kristina NikishinaGetty Images

Fiennes wasn’t the first actor last week to comment on the topic. Eva Green, who played Vesper Lynd in Casino Royale, was asked the same question during the premiere of Dumbo. “I’m for women, but I really think James Bond should remain a man. It doesn’t make sense for him to be a woman,” she said. “Women can play different types of characters, be in action movies and be superheroes, but James Bond should always be a man and not be Jane Bond. There is history with the character that should continue. He should be played by a man.”

Eva Green, who played Vesper Lynd in Casino Royale, at last week’s premiere of the live-action Dumbo.

NurPhotoGetty Images

No one outside Eon Productions, the company that makes Bond films, knows who will inhabit 007 after Craig. Oddsmakers in Great Britain have narrowed the field to six men, only one of whom, Idris Elba, is not white. Elba, who has signaled that he isn’t really interested in the role anyway, ignited this conversation when, in 2018, he posed this question during an interview with Variety: “Are we interested in having a Bond character other than being a male? It could be a woman—could be a black woman, could be a white woman. Do something different with it. Why not?”

Fiennes and Eva Green both make good points: People love to complain about the reboot culture in Hollywood, so why not build a new super-spy franchise around a woman or person of color? But this ignores (at least) three much larger points.

Hollywood is risk averse.

Hollywood studios love reboots and existing franchises because they’re bankable—the risk of investing hundreds of millions of dollars in Bond, or Star Wars, or Marvel anything is far less than pouring money into something entirely new. If you want to see a woman or a person of color lead a major franchise, the surest way is to give them something that already exists.

James Bond is a fictional character.

No one is suggesting the next World War II drama recasts Winston Churchill as a woman and FDR as a Hispanic man. But James Bond is not a real person. He jumped from Ian Fleming’s imagination onto the pages of a book, then onto the big screen. Yes, Fleming imagined him as a straight white man—real people Fleming knew did inspire Bond—but his books were written in the middle of the 20th century. Plus, the movies have evolved beyond the source material. And anyway, Shakespeare is constantly restaged with characters of different gender, race, and ethnicity—it has helped keep those plays vibrant.

Ian Fleming, the author who created James Bond, at his desk in 1958.

ExpressGetty Images

Recasting Bond would be enormous for underrepresented people.

James Bond is clever, tough, intelligent, reckless, suave, stylish, and sexy. He’s a national hero, who saves the day every time. Now imagine what it would be like for a first-generation African immigrant in the U.K. to see himself in the form of 007. Imagine women watching helpless men abandon their allegiances to the forces of evil because they cannot resist a female Bond. Imagine how complicated the world would be for James Bond if he was a gay man but his job entailed sleeping with female foreign agents. Imagine if James Bond developed a chronic illness, nothing that would force him to quit his high-risk job but enough to make life more challenging. In fact, one of the men that oddsmakers like for the role, James Norton, has Type 1 diabetes. What if he brought that to the role? For the millions of children with Type 1 Diabetes, seeing Bond as a diabetic would give them a larger-than-life role model and eliminate any lingering stigma around the condition.

James Norton on the red carpet at the 2016 BAFTA awards. Norton is among the six men who oddsmakers consider in the running to replace Daniel Craig as James Bond.

David M. BenettGetty Images

The most foundational part of James Bond—beyond the character’s immutable traits—is the fact that he’s British. And that means anyone who’s British should be able to play the role, whether it’s someone with royal blood or a second-generation citizen of the Crown. (In fact, two non-British men—George Lazenby, who’s Australian, and Pierce Brosnan, who’s Irish—have played the role.)

Introducing a new Bond who isn’t white, male, or straight would require some rethinking from the screenwriters. According to the books and movies, Bond was born in Scotland. He’s orphaned. His family has an estate. He becomes a Naval officer. This narrative could stay in tact, more or less, with some adjustments that could make the franchise more interesting.

Without changing the race and gender of Bond, the character has already evolved over the years. For instance, Bond was a chainsmoker in the ’50s and ’60s. Today Craig—who does enjoy a smoke here and there—seems more comfortable in the gym than the smoking section. Fleming’s Bond also served in World War II. Craig’s Bond is born in 1968, twenty-three years after the war ended.

James Bond on film has already evolved from Sean Connery to Daniel Craig.

Eon ProductionsGetty Images

All this is to say the Bond character is forever changing and, if it’s to continue for generations to come, must grow and adjust itself.

Ultimately, I’m not advocating for the Bond producers to absolutely hand over the role to someone other than a straight white man. I do think Elba saying, “Bond, James Bond,” in his raspy purr would melt audiences and open an exciting new chapter for 007. I also think Tom Hardy would bring a refreshingly gritty side to Bond (even grittier than Craig’s portrayal). Hell, I’m even confident Tom Hiddleston—who was great in The Night Manager and is currently the odds-on favorite for the role—would make a perfectly fine James Bond. But fans of the franchise must consider how truly profound it would be for underrepresented people to see themselves in one of the world’s most iconic characters.

He/she can still drink a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred.

The post James Bond Is a Straight White Man Now, But Should He Be in the Future? appeared first on Otis Dyke.

from The Otis Dyke Lifestyle Blog https://www.otisdyke.co.uk/james-bond-is-a-straight-white-man-now-but-should-he-be-in-the-future/

#All Posts #Lifestyle #Things I Like

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rueur · 7 years

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Morning Pages #44 (23.03.2017)

Thursday 23rd March - 10:30 p.m.

Thursdays are always going to be rather draining for me, with the 6 a.m. start and the fact that my last lecture is two hours long, from 3:15 till 5:15. I tried catching the tram home today because I thought it would be faster, and ended up walking all the way to Bourke Street to do so. When I got there though, the trams were far too packed for me to deal with and I was starving, mind you. I didn’t have the energy to stand up like that, and I really wanted to finish ‘The Member of the Wedding’ before Evan comes over tonight, because he’s supposed to come over within the next hour. I wanted to be able to give the book back to his dad, because honestly I would like some more recommendations. I’ve finished the book now, and thought it was adorable, and kind of relatable. The way Frankie feels about her town is the way that I feel about Mill Park, and my being in Northcote very much feels like an escape from my real life. I didn’t understand why she thought her only way out was to latch onto her brother’s marriage though, because it didn’t sound like she was too close to her brother to begin with. I do understand the feeling of having no ‘we’ though; possessing no sense of belonging or a limited sense of self can be painful and it’s usually teenagers who have to deal with that whilst they still possess the belief that they’re going through it alone. That’s what makes it worse, that dual loneliness. What’s ironic is that they’re both constructed isolations rather than actual ones.

Anyway, I finished the book and now I can start ‘Treasure Island’ (or continue with it, I guess) OR I can get started on the ‘East of Eden’ letters and go out and finally buy myself a copy of the book too. Honestly though, I feel like I should read ‘Treasure Island’ first, just because it’s been a long time coming with that book too, and I have kind of already started it. But Evan got me the ‘East of Eden’ letters so I feel like I shouldn’t put it off. I don’t know! I also have a fuckton of uni work too, I mean who has time for pleasure reading during the semester anymore? I’m conscious of the fact that I’ve had a new book with me every week so far, and I do like the idea of maintaining that streak, but I just don’t know if I have the luxury of time to do that. I have to rewrite my news story because we were given some pretty wholesome feedback today and I realised that my entire story angle is seriously flawed. I went from 749 words to about 400 words today, but hopefully I can just cut and paste portions of the first draft into my final draft. I also need to write some sort of report on radio dramas, and write up my pitch for next Monday. I also have to research my Sustainable Development midterm essay, and my Stakeholder Assessment Map. What a ridiculous assessment task! I really hope that I can just get away with hand-drawing a chart because I honestly don’t want to have to deal with computer mapping. Excel and digital graph-making, anything like that. I’m not very great with it, and I thought I’d seen the end of it last year with the charts I had to make for Greening Landscapes.

Also, for the past few days I’ve been really tempted to buy some crop tops from asos, because they’re on clearance right now and they’re like five or six dollars each, and also I only just realised that my body is kind of pretty sweet right now. I’m wearing my FILA bra and my camo pants and I feel really good about myself. My hair is finally looking like itself again, I mean since I shaved it. It’s growing back thick and glossy and full of character and I love it. But that’s not the point. My point is that I want to add to my wardrobe, primarily clothes that I’ll feel comfortable going out in. I want to look really good for Evan too, I mean whenever I can. I want him to be able to show me off, I want him to feel lucky to have me. I just feel so lucky to have him. I was talking to Malith about this when he came over, about the fact that we both think we’re with people who are so together and good for us, because we are relatively not together in comparison. I don’t know why I’m talking about this right now! I was supposed to be talking about cute, cheap crop tops! I am growing increasingly tempted by it all, but that’s only if I can summon the dumb courage to spend the money. I’ve spent like three hundred dollars this month alone, which is not ideal. I only have about $1300 to live off of for the rest of this year, or until I get a job. I’m aiming to get a job after this semester, I think. I’ve been handing out my resume though, although it’s been rather sporadically. I’m more focused on getting through this semester academically-speaking, yes. The work is beginning to pile up. I think it also might be because I’m getting my period - or I should be getting my period soon - but I had absolutely no focus today. My head was all over the place, and I was painfully inarticulate in both of my tutorials. That and it might be my honeymoon brain too. It’s a likely combination of the two. I bought pads today just in case, because Clue says my period is supposed to come either tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, that is if it’s managed to stay on the 28-day cycle I was on back when I was taking the pill. It probably hasn’t though. I don’t think I’m pregnant though, even though Evan can sometimes be a little sloppy with his hands. I mean he’ll grab his dick then finger me or something, or maybe I’m just paranoid that he does that, but I’ve seen him grab his dick before sex and it makes me a little bit nervous. I don’t know why I’m talking about this.

I’m rambling. I just want to finish these pages before he comes over. It’s nearly 10 to 11 and he’s supposed to be here around 11. I was really tempted to go to his game tonight too, but I got home at like half past seven in the evening. Yes, it took me two hours to get home today. I’m not entirely sure why either! I didn’t feel like an hour and a half had passed between the end of the lecture and my being on the platform at Flinders Street. I did walk all the way to Flinders from uni, and I did stop at Bourke Street and also along Swanston Street at this Subway store where a man had collapsed. I stood there for a while in mute concern for this man, as a whole bunch of other people actually did something about it. I just didn’t want to leave until I knew he’d be okay, even if I could do nothing to help him. But then I realised that that was selfish of me, to stay in the way whilst he was being helped, or whilst other people who were more equipped to help him, were trying to help him. What was disconcerting to me was the fact that some people walked past without even realising a man had collapsed. I understand people who did double-takes or people who registered what was going on and walked ahead stony-faced, because the city can be a very isolating environment. But there were actually people who didn’t even notice, who were so caught up in the hustle and bustle that they didn’t even realise a fellow man was in peril.

So Evan’s over right now. He’s sitting on the floor at Emily’s place, petting what was a very affectionate Romulus. Romy was hiding under the bed for the past couple of hours because I had vacuumed today. I think I might wrap it up prematurely maybe, just because I am very conscious of this adorable dude sitting in front of me right now. He’s grinning over my laptop, because I may have just revealed that these pages are somewhat confidential. Okay, so he’s gone into the bedroom now because I was noticeably distracted by him. Okay, I’m going to finish this last page in record time because I want to spend time with him because he’s a sweetheart. Oh man I am disgusting. This is diabetes-inducing, honestly.

I had two twix bars today, because they were on special at Foodworks at Union House, one bar for $1.50. I have $3.10 in change so I said ‘fuck it’ and decided to treat myself, because I felt like chocolate. I have two mandarins and an apple and two twix bars for lunch, and oats in the morning. I had the rest of Evan’s curry for dinner with some of ammi’s rice. I messaged Lauren to see if she would eat the eggs, but she said she wouldn’t, which is a damn shame because I was looking forward to cooking for her for a change. But it’s also fine because at least I’m not feeding her something that goes against her principles. Evan just sneezed. I really want to be over and done with this page. I’m listening to Childish Gambino, 3005 but the Part Two version, the slower version. It’s nice but I’m kind of over this song, which is understandable I mean it’s like four or so years old now and even the original gets rather repetitive. I’m into Sober right now, because I recently showed Evan the music video for that song. I really just want to be over and done with these pages! He’s here! I want to just hug him and kiss him and ugh ugh ugh I really can’t wait, I really can’t wait to be done with these pages. This is actually ridiculous, but I need some discipline, I mean I have to get back into this. I didn’t write for TEN DAYS. That is inexcusable.

Okay, so I feel like I’m nearing the end of this! I scrolled down as much as I can and I can finally see the end of this blasted final page, so I’m feeling rather good right now. My hands are typing almost at a rabbit’s pace, fuck I just realised I paused here trying to describe how fast my hands are typing. These pages are useful in securing the discipline of writing every day, yes, but if I’m writing nothing of substance would this discipline still translate? I feel like maybe with time, these pages will start holding actual ‘flourished’ sentences. Bri said that on Facebook today, and I thought it was cute. She was talking about getting into writing, by taking a writing class or something. She’s doing a fair bit of dabbling, which is neat. I’ve been meaning to return to some drawing in my free time. I had the courage to show Isaac the drawing I did of him, and he said he liked it, even though it was rather basic. I don’t know what he thinks of me anymore, if he ever thinks fond thoughts of me. I don’t know, I just like the idea of him doing that, but I know I don’t want anything romantic with him. He’s a bit odd, and he’s been growing increasingly odd the longer I’ve known him. Sad and odd, and alone. I don’t know if he feels lonely, but I have a strong suspicion that he does, and he uses work as a vice even though work is the reason he mostly finds himself alone. His transience is also inhibiting him from securing a sense of belonging; in lieu of that belonging, he has boundless ambition. I know that he’s going to end up relocating to New York or something.

Okay I’m on the fourth page now so I’m going to go. See you bitches tomorrow, I’m going to go hang with my baby.

#morning pages #44 #23.03.2017

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