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#I agree with this for some ships
cowardlykrow · 3 months
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Despite herself, the Emma is wooed
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rebouks · 8 months
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Brynn: You are much more silent than usual today-.. are you going to miss me?
Wyatt was going to miss Brynn a great deal, but telling her that seemed harder than it ought to be, so he said naught instead.
Brynn: You are not comfortable being happy?
Wyatt squinted, something Brynn had learnt he tended to do when she was on the right track.
Brynn: Maybe you should not fight yourself.
Wyatt: Maybe you only know I feel that way because you’re the same.
And as she tended to do when he was right, Brynn dodged Wyatt’s comment.
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Brynn: Do you think I stay, if you asked me to?
Wyatt: I don’t think you want me to ask that.
Brynn: No, I don’t…
Wyatt: Do you want to stay though..?
Brynn: I not sure it’s a good idea to leave home-.. not for a man I spend only a few weeks with.
Wyatt’s brow creased, though he quickly rearranged his face; she had a point, whether he liked it or not.
Brynn: Does that hurt your feelings?
Wyatt: No…
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Brynn hummed and tugged on Wyatt’s hand, forcing him to stop and face her. It was obvious he was lying. He wanted to know whether this was just a holiday fling to her, or something more, but every time he even thought about doing so it felt like someone had rammed cotton wool down his throat. He’d promised himself he’d be more honest, but it wasn’t going as well as he’d hoped…
Wyatt: What exactly would you be leaving behind? I doubt you’ve exactly made anything for yourself there-.. not with Gael’s arm to cling to.
Wyatt instantly regretted being so blunt as Brynn frowned slightly, a flash of sadness darting across her features.
Brynn: That is a cruel thing to say, no?
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Wyatt: Maybe-.. though I’ve a feeling I’m right, so I’m not taking it back.
Brynn narrowed her eyes, he was right, of course. She had nothing of her own in San Myshuno. Everything she owned, down to the clothes on her back, had been paid for by Gael. She’d never thought about leaving before, she had everything she ever needed, technically-.. but spending time with someone who wasn’t afraid to interrogate her about such matters finally made her question her innermost protests, rather than burying them.
She didn’t like Gael, she didn’t like his friends or his apartment, she didn’t want him to propose, didn’t want to marry him, didn’t want to carry his children. It wasn’t ever supposed to be permanent; she wanted a life of her own…
Wyatt: Well?
Brynn: I not argue with you on my last day here.
Wyatt: We’re not arguing, are we?
Brynn: Exactly!
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Wyatt ran his hand through his hair and sighed, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He needed more. He was desperate to know how she felt before she left, desperate to know how she’d gotten herself into this situation, whether she wanted out or not. He thought she did, but for once, he wasn’t sure of himself.
Wyatt: I just meant-…
He huffed as Brynn leapt on his back with a chuckle, that was the end of that then. He’d never realised until now how socially inept he was with women-.. no, intimacy; but Brynn didn’t seem to mind, maybe she could relate. He was willing to bet she knew what he was struggling with. It almost seemed as though she were goading him into being honest, like he craved to be.
Brynn: Let’s find somewhere nice-.. if you tell me what you meant, maybe I tell you a story.
He shook his head and snorted, amused; that was definitely what she was doing, wasn’t it?
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Wyatt had done a lot of terrible things over the years. Amongst countless other felonies he’d taken more than a few lives - some with his bare hands - but no crime he’d committed had ever caused his heart to beat as erratically as it did now. Against his “better” judgement and despite his pounding chest, he’d held Brynn close and told her how he felt.
He told her how much he’d enjoyed spending time with her, how pleased he’d be if she stayed, and how curious he was about her situation back in San Myshuno. Brynn had softened upon hearing his words, appreciative of his honesty; and in return, she’d told him how she and Gael met…
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Brynn hadn’t left Del Sol to begin with, choosing instead to remain employed by Varius, which had eventually been taken over by new management. Never embroiled in Ashton’s more nefarious business ventures, the casino and its franchise hadn’t suffered much, remaining completely operational as a result.
Gael was in town for family and work, hauled to the top floor by some of his rather more enthusiastic associates. Clearly uncomfortable, she’d taken him aside and entertained him in a different manner-.. she’d clocked him eyeing a handsome waiter surreptitiously, felt him recoil from her touch; he might’ve fooled his colleagues, but he hadn’t fooled her. Enjoying an easy night full of free drinks and cheesy jokes, she’d thought nothing of his proposition to attend an upcoming event with him the following weekend.
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The event Gael had invited her to was a wedding – his brother’s wedding – and Brynn had suddenly found herself referred to as his girlfriend. She’d thought it quite funny at the time, what an odd man, paying an erotic dancer to pose as one’s partner. The money was good though, and it was much more enjoyable than working in some stuffy club, even one as fancy as Varius.
But as things do, one thing led to another and before Brynn could second guess herself, she’d agreed to move to San Myshuno and stay with Gael permanently. Genesis had seen her arse about Brynn’s newfound source of income, her friends Ace and Robert had moved away, Del Sol was smoggy and garish, held memories she’d rather forget; why wouldn’t she move back to San My? She’d have her own room in a spacious apartment, she wouldn’t have to work, Gael said he’d pay for her to finish school; it seemed like a good idea at the time, like she could have whatever she wanted.
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Except she couldn’t. Gael was a controlling - albeit kind - man, terrified of being discovered by his peers. He told her where to go and when, what to wear, what to say, and how to act. He’d take her phone from her if she’d get distracted at one of his precious galas, force her to attend wellness retreats with his colleagues’ insipid girlfriends and wives whilst he and his friends smacked tiny balls with silly sticks, drag her on family vacations to hot countries where she’d get accosted by mosquitoes and prickly heat.
He’d bemoan her lack of enthusiasm when she wasn’t her usual self, but it’d been so many years that Brynn didn’t even know who she was anymore. He’d felt guilty then, promising she could pick their next destination; that it’d be just the two of them, no pretending.
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Brynn had never imagined bumping into Wyatt again, but she’d often thought of him, wondering what he’d done after that fateful phone call. She’d almost felt proud of him, in a way-.. it wasn’t easy to turn against your upbringing like that, against your friends, against yourself. She’d given him the benefit of the doubt and he hadn’t taken it for granted, which was more than could be said for a lot of men she’d trusted in the past.
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Having landed herself in hot water more times than she could count over the years, Brynn had learnt to be wary of her gut, but she couldn’t deny being drawn to Wyatt; she admired the change in him, despite the fact he seemed unaware of it himself. It was freeing to spend time with someone who didn’t expect her to act a certain way, someone who knew where she’d come from and what she’d been through, yet didn’t appear to judge her poorly for it. He’d done terrible things and so had she; it was nice, being on an even playing field for once.
Brynn had subsequently returned home more disheartened than ever, completely uninterested in her so-called life with Gael. She’d hoped Wyatt would call, hoped she’d get a taste of that freedom in her self-imposed cage, hoped something would magically change. But it hadn’t.
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Wyatt: So, you’re not happy anymore?
Brynn: I am very happy here, with you-.. but that scares me.
Wyatt: Why?
Brynn: Because it means I have to confront the fact that I am not happy at home, and that is something I have never done before. I always find someone to take me in, but is always with conditions, I am never free-.. never happy.
Wyatt: Are you safe at least..?
Brynn: It is painfully boring, sharing a home with Gael, but he is not exactly aggressive.
Wyatt scowled; not exactly? That wasn’t what he wanted to hear, he ought to strangle-..
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Brynn: I not want you to get involved, I think I would like to do something on my own for once.
Wyat: Okay…
Brynn: I put my foot down and leave, even if it means I have nothing. I not want to run to anyone else, including you.
Wyatt: That’s why you don’t want to stay?
Brynn nodded, it would’ve been easier to tell Gael to stuff it and stay here, but that was what she always did; fall into someone else’s hands. Being with Wyatt was different though, it made her want to choose him because she wanted to, because she could, not because she needed to. If that meant she had to throw everything away and strike out on her own first – even though she had no idea how to – then so be it.
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Though he was glad to know the truth, Wyatt was less than thrilled with Brynn’s plan; but she craved true freedom, and after everything she’d endured – in part due to his own transgressions – he figured he owed her as much.
Wyatt: I won’t stop you then…
Brynn: This is why I love you-.. you help set me free in the end, like I to you.
Wyatt: You love me?
Brynn: You love me too, no?
Wyatt dipped his head in agreement. He wasn’t sure how it’d happened so quickly, but there wasn’t much point denying it any longer.
Brynn: Say it…
Wyatt: I love you too.
Brynn: Is not so hard, right?
Wyatt scoffed quietly and shook his head.
Wyatt: I don’t know-.. I’m sweating.
Brynn: [laughs] Ew-.. me too though.
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lemoncupcake · 5 months
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(available as stickers on redbubble)
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boneinator · 5 months
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My beautiful wife and her rabid husband <3
(reblogs > likes !!)
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utilitycaster · 2 months
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Do you think that Laura and Marisha are deliberately making their relationship somewhat toxic and unsustainable or do you think they see the relationship as healthy? It is just so different from all of the other relationships they have been a part of and not really in a good way. Would love to get your perspective on it if you have one
I am honestly unsure. I would like to say it's deliberate. Prior to it becoming canon, in fact, I, and a lot of other people who were less than enthused by Imogen and Laudna's romance and weren't entirely sold from the start, made the case that we expected they would be talking to each other and would put together a compelling story, not the dull fluff so common in fanon. While whether it's compelling is a subjective judgment, we know for a fact they didn't talk to each other. We know for a fact Marisha was surprised by the question of "Can I kiss you," and Laura was surprised by the answer. We know from a 4SD not long after (4SD #16, Kiss and Tell) that several episodes later they still hadn't talked. We know that Marisha perceives Laudna as holding Imogen back (and that Laudna perceives herself as doing so) from the Rose City Q&A. We know that from 4SD #20 (Episode Twenty) that Laura doesn't like conflict in narrative and Marisha does, and that Laura was thrown by Laudna's regression following Ashton's attempt to absorb the shard (4SD #19, Shard Candy).
I don't know if it's deliberate or not; I don't have any extra insight that isn't public knowledge any fan can easily access. But man, it doesn't feel like these are two actors on the same page about what's going on.
I've touched on this before but mostly in tags or whisper posts but I've always felt ill at ease with a number of for lack of a better term "fandom-approved opinions" and one of the ones that has baffled me the most is this idea that Marisha and Laura have exceptional chemistry. I watched Campaign 1 knowing the endgame ships but deliberately avoiding the fandom, and Vex and Keyleth did not even once occur to me as a thing. I watched the first year of Campaign 2 without a ton of fandom interaction because I was avoiding additional C1 spoilers and it seemed crystal clear that the obvious ship was Beau and Yasha; it felt like Beau and Jester only even had enough potential for me to multiship it as my general "whomever Jester picks" for like, 30 episodes. And yet people - people who didn't even ship either of the above ships and in some cases disliked them- would just say "oh man I can't wait until we get to a campaign where we can finally explore Marisha and Laura's incredible chemistry!" and it's like. I feel like I'm the kid in the Emperor's New Clothes on this! I understand that chemistry is to an extent a matter of taste and subjectivity, but it just increasingly feels like people looked at two campaigns of tables where Ashley was frequently absent and said "well, if I want an F/F ship that's between two of the women in the cast, I guess this is what I have to work with" and repeated to themselves that a flat pamplemousse La Croix was a Piña Colada until they started to believe it. I mean if someone wants to explain it to me in good faith I suppose be my guest and I will try to take it in, but it feels like people just treat this as incontrovertible fact and if you doubt it they're like "don't you have eyes" and it's like, well, pretend I don't. Explain like I'm eyeless and five because I have never understood this. They both have more chemistry with every single other cast member; it's not all romantic but man, I didn't even buy Laudna and Imogen as platonic best friends of two years. I have never had this problem with any other pre-existing character relationships Marisha and Laura have played, platonic or otherwise. It's literally just them. I just never feel like they're quite on the same page.
Back to the relationship between Imogen and Laudna onscreen, this was easily the best conversation since the start of the gnarlrock fight, and it is my hope it doesn't fizzle out the way that did. You can't keep kissing Laudna whenever she fears she's lost forever to Delilah, Imogen. Or you can, but that won't fix the problem. Again: are you disgusted? Do you feel betrayed? If you're not, why did you say that? If you are, how will you move past it? Do you want to be with someone who never feels like they're good enough for you? Laudna, do you want to be with someone who, no matter what they say, you feel you're holding back?
Early in the campaign, my feeling was that of our current situation, switched - Imogen felt her powers were a burden and a curse and Laudna kept referring to them and to her glowingly. It's just...ships passing in the night, no pun intended here. I hope it's on purpose and whatever comes from it is a good story - and either a tragedy or a happy story could be a good one. But I have a nagging sensation that Laudna wants out but is afraid to say no, and Imogen is afraid to let go, and I honestly don't know if the actors have realized this impasse and how the characters might resolve it, one way or another, besides the insufficient bandaid of a kiss whenever the conversation gets too uncomfortable.
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teamsasukes · 1 year
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people rightly criticize how team 7 reacted to sasuke's pursuit of justice for his clan, but one thing i feel is always overlooked in these discussions is how sakura literally is not granted the option by the narrative to learn about what sasuke has been through — not in the way that naruto, kakashi, or even team taka are. throughout all of part 2, she is operating under the assumption that sasuke killed itachi and then turned on the village for no apparent reason.
in part 1, she offers to help sasuke with his plan to kill itachi and even says she'll come with him so he won't have to handle a clearly dangerous and unstable sannin alone. she tells him she wishes he would be more open with her because she wants to understand what he's going through. (all of this stands in stark contrast to naruto, who says he'll break every bone in sasuke's body to bring him back, or kakashi, who projects his own traumas on to sasuke.) then in part 2, she can't bring herself to hurt him despite ample opportunity and even though (as far as she knows) he's become a violent criminal. throughout the series, she's averse to inflicting harm on others (aside from the punching naruto gag). is it really so unreasonable to imagine that if she knew sasuke was avenging the state-sponsored genocide of his clan, she would respond differently? with more empathy and compassion for his circumstances, and anger of her own towards konoha?
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betterthanbatman1 · 7 months
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Umm I love them???
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ships-n-bats · 4 months
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I still absolutely love how Wolfwalkers ended.
Love that it still ultimately focused on Robyn and Mebh and how they leave their old world behind to find a new one, just for them, their parents, and the wolf family to live in peace, far away from the townspeople. How after all that drama and near-death experiences, they just get to rest in the caravan, protected by their respective parent and live together in the forest.
No more societal expectations. No more gender roles. No need to appease a bunch of people who really only want them dead for what they are. No focus on these two literal children to change a town’s whole mindset like so many other films do. No, the message was just these two girls finding their happy ending with their loved ones somewhere else and just cutting out that toxic environment all together.
Why waste energy trying to help a bunch of people they don’t even have any real attachment to, after all? Especially with people who actively forced roles they didn’t want onto them and mistreated them for being different? It’s just such a breath of fresh air to see a film that ends with the characters finding happiness and peace in their own little slice of heaven, rather than wasting time, energy, and emotions on trying to change others.
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thechosenanubis · 4 months
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I don't think we give the hoa writers credit for making mara and fabian a couple; like that's a BOLD MOVE
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susanoosama01 · 2 months
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Obi-Wan is both a MILF and a DILF.
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hetaletmego · 5 months
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Let me preface with this: "cher" alone doesn't mean anything. At all. "Cher [name]" exists but it's just to open letters.
"Mon cher" is "my dear" but in the sense of "oh my dear Mr Smith fancy running into you at this barber shop"
You wanna be fancy-old-timey-loving, at least go with "très cher" ("dearest", lit. "very dear"). It's still stilted but at least it's personal.
You wanna get really personal, with a phrase that's still actually used this century, the word you're looking for is "chéri" ("darling" but a bit more relaxed, lit. "cherished", "beloved"). Potentially "mon chéri", which is the exact equivalent of "my darling".
Also this is mostly about FrUK but if speaking to a woman you go "ma chère", "très chère", "chérie" and "ma chérie" because this language is so gendered help us we're dying au masculin neutre.
Merci very much.
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makowo · 6 months
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naegirigami shippers are so often afraid of kyoko and byakuya loving each other as they love makoto. is it because they cant fit into the conventional relationship dynamic that they can with makoto? is it because theyre so fixated on the idea of makoto being the glue that ties everyone together that they can't fathom that kyoko and byakuya can have a relationship that also stands up on its own? is it because one of them is really just a side bitch and there's only focus upon makoto and one other in the relationship? or do they really just ship makoto with both of them individually.
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thefirstknife · 5 months
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Hi Bel,
I keep seeing comments about people complaining about the quality of destiny’s writing and story in the last few weeks. I haven’t really engaged with destiny since season of defiance, what’s currently gotten everyone so riled up? I thought that people were enjoying Season of the Deep/Witch in terms of narrative, why is Season of the Wish causing people to deride the destiny writing staff again?
I don't know!
Deep and Witch have been absolute bangers in every aspect to me. I've been enjoying all interactions and lore tabs we've received. A lot of them are stuff that we've never had before, a lot of reunions and closures, a lot of development and interactions between characters who you wouldn't really think would have much in common.
Sloane's return and healing from what she's been through has been fantastic, Drifter opening up with her to help her because he also got help from others was fantastic, Sloane reuniting with Aisha and Shayura brought me to tears (Shayura's descent into madness was triggered by immense trauma of Sloane staying on Titan and Titan disappearing), everything with Sloane and Zavala...
Witch was just incredible in every single way; the focus on Eris, the amount of Eris and Ikora content!!!!! Everything about Xivu and Savathun and their interactions together!! Eris finally fulfilling her goal she promised Savathun YEARS ago, getting that closure.
Wish so far has been equally great to me. All the new stuff about Ahamkara is amazing, finally giving us proof for long-standing speculation about Ahamkara and how they aren't universally evil creatures and expanding on them as a species. I love all interactions we've had so far; finally we have Petra back, Mara's singleminded focus on figuring out how to defeat the Witness and her continuous work to improve as a person, ALL SJUR MENTIONS!!!!! I won't talk about the "leak" because we have no context for it so I will wait for the full story to be revealed before I can pass judgment; something that I think should be a lesson to learn from this entire year. Maybe wait for the story to finish before judging the story.
Literally everything this past year that involves Osiris, but especially this season now that he's back in his element with the Vex. And of course every little detail we get of him and Saint. Osiris honestly shaped this year for me with everything that he's done to uncover the biggest mysteries. I think a big reason is that a lot of people just don't like Osiris, which I consider a massive skill issue.
Other than that, I don't know what are the issues people have besides just not being interested in any of these storylines and attributing it to a nebulous "bad writing" claim. I also genuinely believe that way too many people get wrapped up too much in fandom, imagine storylines they want to see and then get disappointed when the actual story doesn't go there. Almost like people forget that this isn't their story and these aren't their characters. A lot of it is also fandom completely warping characters into not what they actually are and then feeling like the canon story is the one that's wrong.
Whatever is the reason, I guess everyone is entitled to their perspective of the story and everyone is free to explore the story in different ways through fanfics and AUs and whatever. I do that too!
But I would definitely ask people to be normal with how they engage in criticism, especially in the current state of affairs. Writers are developers; they experience a ton of harassment and negativity from the community and also from inside the company. And they are online: they can see what we're saying. It's been documented that community commentary has been used to harass writers:
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Imprint this into your brain and never forget what these people had to go through. Let's not forget also the way people treated Seth Dickinson on social media when he was active with Destiny fans. "Fans" were actively arguing with him about his own work (telling him that HE is wrong) and were utterly disgusting towards him when he tried explaining what he wrote. His works are now hailed as the best writing in Destiny and people want him back. If I were him, I wouldn't want to come back ngl, not with how he was treated and not with how fans are still treating writers (and hey, Seth wrote LF Collector's Edition! So he was back, technically, this year!). Let's not forget that a lot of writers are members of various marginalised groups. And I'd definitely not want to go back with zero support from leadership.
Which is also an important aspect for all developers, including writers: sometimes they have orders they may not like, but can't argue against. They do the best they can with what they're given, the time they have and directions they receive. And with that in mind, I am enjoying everything we've gotten this year, obviously with some specific complaints about things I didn't particularly enjoy (like the universally mid reception of Defiance; I've spoken about my gripes with it before, a big one being the shafting of Suraya who should've at least been mentioned in a lore tab).
I can tell that there is passion in their work, even if maybe they would prefer to do more with it, but can't. Maybe even if they want to take different routes, but can't. But from what we got, I can feel that they care about this world and these characters. I can tell that someone lovingly wrote about Sloane and her friendships with two grieving women. I can tell that they deeply cared about Sloane's friendship with Zavala and that they loved showing us Saint and Drifter caring about a fellow trauma survivor.
I can tell that the writers are immensely careful and loving towards Eris; everything she went through was crafted with love and passion from both writers and her VA. Eris' story is such a fundamental aspect of Destiny and I can tell that this was important to the writing team and that they gave her everything they could to do justice to her character and her arc and her healing and her release from the cycle she was trapped in for so long.
I can tell that there are writers who care a lot about Osiris and Saint and their relationship. I can tell that someone cared a lot about expanding on Ahamkara and giving them more personalities. I can tell that someone cared DEEPLY about Sjur and Mara and that her repeated mentions are the passionate work of writers who want us to remember her.
I could go on. And I know that not everyone sees it this way, which is fine; we all have different ways of perceiving stories. I enjoy discussing things we in the fandom disagree on and I enjoy hearing different perspectives! Unfortunately, this has recently become rarer and rarer. And for the love of god, please try and treat writers with some respect, especially now, especially those who are still working and doing their best with the shitty situation they're in. None of the cries of "poor devs" ring true to me unless the same is given to writers, instead of treating them like punching bags.
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punkeropercyjackson · 14 days
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#all that tdmm hate that still lingers is some of whitest shit i've ever witnessed td.dks really went all out with the yt gay/yt feminism jfc#like shouto and momo are so obviously japanese in every way(i also hc shouto as part bangladeshi and momo as a blasian dominican-mexican)#i deffo agree they're both queer-coded shouto is transmasc genderfluid and momo is transfem softgirlgender but as poc not white at all#like idc about gay shouto and lesbian momo you can hc what you want but what you guys call 'concrete proof' is just japanese/asian culture#as a homecountry raised poc they're both more trans and autistic-coded than any orientation and their dynamic is so such a poc4poc fantasy#t4t autistic4autistic poc4poc fantasy specifically!!!their characters and story are NOT white western at all and the perfect teen m/f ship#but bnha is so popular with we.ebs who know jackshit about easterners and poc in general tbh they hate todomomo for not being yt bread gays#and think it's a morality thing when it's the most harmless fucking ship AND they ship DABI with a blonde cop.HIS GOTH/CPUNK ASS????????????#PLEASE my afrolatina ass has never been able to take them seriously especially because dadbi/s'mores siblings makes way more sense#but yeah i've talked enough.if you hate todomomo you're probs mad that they're a genuinely unconventional m/f ship instead of palpability#todomomo#t4t todomomo#todomomo protection squad#todoroki shouto#momo yaoyorozu#half bangladeshi rei agenda#blasian latina momo#trans todoroki#trans momo yaoyorozu#goth punk todoroki shouto#pastel punk momo yaoyorozu#partially blind todoroki#chubby momo yaoyorozu#bnha geekery#our hero academia#tea blend crew#team dual#momo is also adhd anxious and ocd along with being autistic thanks#summeredits#summerposting
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figureofdismay · 4 months
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i want to know about the extreme outlier opinion on never again!
ooh, thank you for your interest and I hope I don't get myself in trouble with this lol!
So this opinion is in multiple parts.
The first part being the one most unpopular, which is that Ed Jerse was not to only man who was not Mulder that Scully, that Dana had a night or a mini fling with between Jack Willis and/or then getting assigned to the X files and when MSR got together (whenever you believe that might be), and probably not the only dangerous one to some degree.
She's got that thrill seeker side to her, which is to some extent satisfied by chasing Mulder around on the X files. But Mulder keeps her in a sexless box in his perceptions -- IMO this is partially self defense on his part because if he lets himself go there even a bit in thinking of her dating potential/as a potential romantic-sexual partner his already limited ability to hold onto any kind of boundaries would just collapse. And I don't think this sexless view of her is at odds with my belief that Mulder was in love with her within a few months of working with her and knew it, but he doesn't think he deserves a relationship like that and more importantly he doesn't think Scully wants a relationship like that with him, or maybe not with anyone at all because she's given up dating completely after Jersey Devil, and what they talk about is work and theory and science and case notes and things within the kind of fixed shadow of their partnership/the files. Thus he's got this view of her that's completely divorced from her hedonistic, risk taking, rebellious, attention seeking, obsessive side.
I believe her ruthlessly compartmentalized nature and her constant awareness of other people's expectations of her, especially the expectations of people in authority or pseudo authority combined with a need for a release valve and a clear thread of sensualism in her character make it highly likely that there were other times when she picked a near-stranger and acted out a role with him, letting herself act out parts of herself she doesn't often express and using him as a proxy for her conflicted and/or baser feelings towards the Ahabs and 'fathers' in her life in a very limited capacity that is both satisfyingly dangerous (near stranger, almost certainly someone she doesn't really trust or want to get to know, after all she's not looking for a real and lasting relationship) and very safe because she can just stop playing that character and stop seeing that man and he won't even have ever 'met' the person she is the majority of the time.
I don't think she does it a lot, but by 'never again' it had been 4ish very high stress years with Mulder and 5ish years since Jack Willis, which, since Ethan didn't make it into the Pilot, was her last relationship, so yes. Maybe once or twice a year there's a bit of an 'i'm crawling out of my skin i need to tempt fate' ritual. And since we see so little of their personal lives, not hearing about it doesn't rule it out, the reason we saw this time because it was such a disaster and became another X-file -- and because Jerse was so dangerous and violent, and because Mulder found out about it, that particular game stopped being interesting even in a self destructive way. Plus very soon she would realize she had cancer and would take stock of her life in a different way and get closer to Mulder on another level so there was less of a need for a pressure valve rebellion.
And I don't think that this idea cheapens her relationship with Mulder or means she was cheating on him if that did happen, because it would be about simple attraction and being not 'herself' and also a proxy thing for her feelings and frustrations about Mulder that she's too afraid of tarnishing his image of her to let him into directly. And if it would make Scully's jealousy of Mulder interacting closely with other women hypocritical, well, she's certainly allowed to be a flawed character and is shown to have double standards about a number of things.
Part 2 of my outlier opinion is that Ed Jerse isn't out of character for Dana. Going back to Jack again, instead of believing in possession, she thought he'd had a mental break after years of obsessive work and mutilated a cadaver and killed a guy and she was not surprised at all. She had a fairly long relationship with him while believing he had that level of instability and violence in him when pushed. That means Jerse lines up for her.
part 3 of my outlier opinion (I guess it is, I don't see it talked about directly afaik) is that the story is dark as fuck with Jerse and his ergot psychosis but at the same time the tone is not horror-bleak the way Blood is and many s2/s3 with similar types of plots, but more extremely darkly ironic or wry. Between Mulder in Graceland and the extended Rocky and Bullwinkle plot discussion, and the fact that all it takes is a divorce and an Evil!Rosie the Riveter tattoo to push this guy over the edge there's this air of like, pulp noir mundane and ridiculousness. Fandom generally treats it as this like this profound statement about Mulder and Scully's relationship and Mulder's selfishness and thoughtlessness and if he just brought her a bottle of wine and asked about her day a la Van Blunht in Small Potatoes she could've been flinging that fling with him. Except, no, she couldn't use him as his own proxy, so she'd have to crack herself open a lot more than she was ready to. But also it's a story about both of them spinning their wheels and not getting anywhere and ending up feeling dumb, it's absurdist, it's a comment that neither character is smarter than their narrative, it's not a statement about a fractured partnership.
Part 4 is a little more out there and whatever but I do think Mulder's reaction is interesting. He's obviously hurt and completely baffled because he can tell Scully's given him very little of the actual framing of her distress and because 'i'm bored at my job' is both hurtful to him and something he can't conceptualize as leading to 'so i'll have a one night stand with a violent man' -- because that isn't her complaint, it's just what he heard. But in that last scene he doesn't read as angry or jealous, even the hurt doesn't exactly read as sexual jealousy. He's confused, he doesn't know what she wants, and he gets in some cheap shots with his annoyed. But there's an interesting tone to it. Maybe i'm reading too much in. I think there's a combination of trying to laugh it off/brush it off because he can tell she's feeling too exposed, and aside from the 'was the professional dissatisfaction worth all this??' he was curious. He'd caught a glimpse of the barest silhouette of her wild child side.
like a combination of 'so you slipped off your pedestal and bounced a little, so your halo got dented, so what' (paternalistic, dismissive, kidding) (reassuring) and 'oh, so she's a little like that? what else does she like? can a person get her like that without actually being on the verge of snapping?' He knows about Willis and Jerse now. It's more than one, and Willis is now certainly not a fluke. He's got to be sure there's some fascinating things brewing in her subconscious, and he's got the idea that her sexual side is one part girlish wounded bird, one part manic live wire, and one part intellectual 3D chess. He's curious about what that means for him and them. Curious about what she might be willing to do with him now that he's been reminded she'll do it with other people. He's even optimistic, I think, about what he could coax from her.
Probably also reminded to be cautious about what entanglements with him that he could accidentally 'manipulate' her into with some of his more demanding behavior, though. But like, even though they're both feeling bitter at that moment i do feel like there's a 'positive' in the kind of colliding worlds event of the episode in Mulder being reminded of Scully being a human woman with a carnal side.
And that is... I think the bulk of what I wanted to talk about re: NA? I think? My brain feels overcooked now. But I rewatched it to refresh my memory (i'm now in s5) but I stand by this. And also I think I need to break my custom and do post-episode fic about it, honestly.
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deiaiko · 3 months
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#19.3 Unravel
It had been some time since Agni felt this nervous. Not even talking with Jinsung Ha recently had made him feel like this. He fiddled with the mask on his hand as he waited for Grace to come back. He had thought hard on how to deliver the news, but he knew that no matter how he phrased it, Grace would be upset. Velt nuzzled under his palm and Agni gave her a few pats, before deciding that she would be better inside her bowl in his lighthouse, just in case the shinsu acted up around Grace after he received the news.
Grace came back wearing the comfiest shirt and shorts Agni knew Grace liked to wear on lazy days. He joined him on the floor, and they ate dinner together. Agni always finished last, so while waiting for him to finish his meal, Grace told him about his day with Bam. Grace was intrigued by how much his way of thinking had changed, and how glad he was to be able to be by Bam's side when he was having a bad day. It reminded Agni of the hidden floor, when Grace faced his sworn enemy.
They left the used bowls on the coffee table and went to brush their teeth. Afterwards, they turned off the light and went upstairs to sit on their bed. Grace's curious gaze never left him, and Agni curled his feet nervously.
Grace was the one who broke the silence. "So…what is it?"
Agni's breath hitched. This was the part he dreaded most. "I talked with the crocodile earlier. Did you know that he could manipulate stone already?"
"Huh." Grace needed a few seconds to let the information sink in. "Didn't Rak learn it on the Hell train? How does he know it?"
"Turns out our crocodile also traveled back to the past like us. He found the young crocodile and taught him."
"What?!" Grace gasped, wide eyed. "That means our Rak is–!!"
"He's dead." Agni quickly snuffed out that hope. They had been in delusion for long enough; it was time that they faced the bitter truth. "He suffered a fatal injury from the explosion. He couldn't have lasted long without proper help." Agni omitted the actual cause for Rak's death, but still kept his words true. "I'm sorry."
"…Oh." Grace looked lost, just like Agni was. His lips parted a little, but they closed before any sound escaped.
Agni gently squeezed Grace's hand, encouraging and comforting as he let the silence stretch on, giving Grace some time to process the information.
"Agni…" Grace whispered, "do you think Hatz and Isu…?"
Agni bit his lip and avoided his gaze, as the nightmare of that day replayed in his mind. He witnessed Hatz get his arms ripped off when trying to protect him. He could still recall the clang of a sword hitting the floor, and Hatz's suppressed scream that gnawed deep at his guilt. He witnessed Isu get beheaded after being taken hostage, the memory of warm blood painting them both still vivid like it happened yesterday. 
Agni refused to acknowledge their possible deaths, because it felt like a nightmare that one day he could hopefully wake up from. He avoided the topic when Grace brought it up, so he wouldn't have to say it aloud and make it real. He had been so hard on himself, because he couldn't get rid of the feeling that he had failed Grace and everyone else involved.
Agni knew this had to change if he wanted to live better, now that they had gotten a second chance. So he swallowed down the lump in his throat that had built up over the years and asked mostly to himself; "What are the odds of their survival?"
"There's always a chance–"
"Grace." Agni looked him straight in the eye. "They were already severely injured before the explosion hit."
Grace fell silent and went still.
Agni felt a pang of guilt upon witnessing Grace's reaction. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap." Agni fiddled with his hands. He realized that he didn't know how much Grace knew of what happened. "My scar…do you know how I got it?"
"I…was told it was from the family heads' battle." Grace looked thoughtful. Agni knew he was trying to be careful with his words. "A stray attack?"
"It could have been worse." The memory of the scorching heat on his skin felt like it had only happened yesterday. He passed out right when he was about to heal Isu, and only found out later that he also lost sweetfish at that time. The days he spent recovering from the burn, to withstand the excruciating pain every second he was conscious, and finally coming to terms that it'd be a permanent scar, was one of the turning points that had changed him forever. Were Grace not there to care for him, he might have ended up destroying himself even more.
Agni hadn't realized he had his left hand clawing on his cheek until Grace pried his hand off and frowned, "You're doing it again."
"Maybe I should wear the mask…" Agni muttered to himself. After all, Grace gave it to him less so he could hide the scar but more to prevent him from unconsciously hurting himself. The only time he could safely take it off was when Grace was around.
Agni bit his lip nervously when Grace didn't reply. He no longer had the courage to look Grace in the eye that spoke so much concern, so he leaned close and rested his head on Grace's chest. "Rak, Isu, Hatz and Hwaryun were trying to get me out of that damned place. But we were caught while escaping, and…it was a bloodbath. I was…too occupied to react to the incoming heat. Rak shielded us from the explosion. And when I woke up…"
"They weren’t with you," Grace finished it for him after Agni trailed off a moment too long.
Agni nodded dazedly, "I've been telling myself that they're still alive, after a blow that could kill rankers. But…who am I kidding? I was lucky enough to survive with just this little–" Agni vaguely pointed to himself– "inconvenience."
Agni felt a hand gripping his arm, and he pulled away to see Grace looking at him with a pained expression. His eyes were glossy and his lips were pulled into a thin line. Trusting his instinct, Agni reached out to gently trace and cup Grace's cheek with his free hand.
"I'm sorry," Agni muttered. "I'm sorry, for not telling you sooner."
Agni silently witnessed tears that streamed down on his love's face. It was a bitter sight that Agni wished he'd never have to see again, that he had tried to avoid for so long by not telling him. He pulled Grace in and held him close to his chest, as if Agni was trying to gather his own crumbled heart back together.
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Grace mumbled their late best friends' names as he held onto him tighter, shaking from each breath he took between sniffles.
Agni felt his own eyes sting with unshed tears. He remembered the years he spent climbing the tower together with his old team. Despite their banter being his source of headaches, Agni knew he too had come to acknowledge them as his cherished friends. Only when they were gone did Agni realize how much he'd miss having them around. Seeing the younger them didn't exactly close the gaping hole in his heart, but at least the emptiness was more filled.
Agni squeezed Grace tighter. "We have their younger selves with us now. We will protect them better this time."
Grace only nodded and sank further into his embrace. And Agni planted kisses on his hair, relishing the thought that after everything he had gone through, Grace was still a constant in his life. As long as he had him, everything would be okay.
When Grace started shaking again, Agni caressed his hair and hummed a comfort song they had known by heart. Still, it didn't make falling asleep any easier for Agni, especially not after admitting that his nightmare was very much real. However, as he had been through grief…this, too, would pass.
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#Whee we get to know some of their past. Specifically their turning point#I hope it flows nicely because i have rewritten this like 3 times now 😭😭😭 dialogues are just not my specialty#like how to make them reveal such information without making them come out of the blue#writing style aside. let's talk about why Agni behaves this way#I will save the details on the what and how for the prologue. but basically Agni had been through hell that he couldn't escape alone#Rak Hatz and Isu saved him (or attempted to). and Agni owed them for saving his life. thus the strong attachment that Khun doesn't have#also let me mention that Agni had trouble differentiating between hallucination and reality after the incident. So he was kind of in denial#maybe Agni had come to a conclusion that they might be dead months after that. but he was too afraid to admit it to Grace#because he thought it was partly his fault for being incompetent. and Grace would hate him for letting their friends die#not wanting to risk being left by Grace. he just put himself (and inevitably Grace too) in the illusion of truth#that there's still a chance their friends are still alive because they have no proof of their deaths#so when Agni was offered to go back to the past. he agreed to it. Already expecting that Rak Hatz Isu aren't the same ones that he looks fo#but it was as good as he could get to redeem himself. Plus they get to meet everyone else who they couldn't save#Anyway. I'm taking hiatus until April. In return I will answer if you have any questions whether it is written in the tags or sent via ask#see ya folks <3 we'll get more brothers and team bonding when I return#tower of god#tog#two sides of the same coin fic#my fic#my art#bam#25th bam#jue viole grace#khun#khun aguero agnis#khunbam#shibisu#ship leesoo#rak wraithraiser#hatz
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