Hear me out:
If you're dating a Spartan, they're more than likely used to you as a member of active military, right? They're so used to you being a soldier that they tend to forget that before them, before the war, you were someone else. Like, Linda finding out you were a pianist, or Kelly finding out you were a gardener, or Naomi finding out you were in art school. Something like that.
OKAY I'M HAVING A FANGIRL MOMENT BECAUSE THE CHARACTER I HAVE IN MY HEAD WITH NAOMI IS AN ARTIST AND YOU READ MY MIND AND I'M SCREAMING
anyways-
I'm excited you brought this up and this whole prompt, because the Spartans would be more used to a more active military partner, whether it's being a Marine, ODST, a Spartan-IV, Scientist, Engineer, etc. They used to you fighting in a war, Spartans are antisocial by nature, so they most likely wouldn't hang out with your friends or other teammates, and most other branches of the Military view Spartans in awe, so they most likely never see you in a "normal" environment until way later on.
I'm sure they know you have hobbies, they've heard you talk about them and the Spartans delight in it for you but they've never seen you doing them. Most of the Spartans probably never thought of who their partner was before them.
So they are always pleasantly surprised to find out new things about their S/o, like, Linda would be scouting the ship looking for her partner after a mission, more likely than not, she's never heard someone play the piano before in person, sure, Deja played them music as children but Linda had never seen someone play in-person before, she didn't even know the Infinity had a piano. Imagine her surprise when she enters the empty bar and finds her partner lost in their own world playing a random song that might have significance to them. When you finish the song, she wants to hear it again, scaring you half to death when she silently appears at your side, "What song was that? Will you play it again for me?"
Or, Kelly going for a run around the Infinity's memorial park one early morning, say, maybe after breakfast, she knew you had plans after eating with Blue team. She respects her partner's space, choosing not to pry and going on with her business, of course, Kelly can spot her partner a mile away, it's second nature for her at this point. So when she sees you digging in the ground with flower pots all around, she goes to investigate. Her shadow towers over your hunch-over form and you just give her a smile over your shoulder before going back to business. Kelly observes for a while, remembering a conversation in which her partner said something about growing a garden again. "Is this what you mean by 'green thumb'? I don't think these flowers grow tomatoes."
Or, one night, Naomi finds you, Mal, Vaz, Dev, and Phillips, all slightly intoxicated in the staff room, chatting away about life before entering the military while her partner is tapping away at a datapad with a stylus. She's seen you use it before, assuming you were working on reports or reading in-time information. Naomi is about ready to drag her partner away before you've had too much when you start talking about a boarding school on earth that your parents sent you to before the war started, an art academy. Dev leans over, and gaps at the datapad before ripping it out of your hands to show the table and Naomi has to blink before she registers the sketches. Most of them were of...her? Different angles, her expressions that she often shows to you, some were even in armor and you had gotten all the pieces drawn correctly. There was one of BB, and the whole crew, another one of a previous unit you've served in and the last one was her laughing with stars and hearts drawn around her, the words 'the love of my life." written above her head.
I can even assume that John's heard his partner hum melodies, never a full song but humming to yourself while working on a project or even getting ready for bed. He's never questioned it, it's something you always did, he's aware some of the tunes you hum are from your grandmother. What he didn't expect was to return from a mission and being unable to find his S/o for a while until Roland directed him to the Infinity's bar, saying the Spartan-IVs convinced you to perform. It's your voice he's aware of first before seeing his partner on the small stage, singing away like nothing else mattered around you. John isn't surprised when you notice him right away after giving a bow as the room fills with cheers and 'encores'. You both slip away from the area knowing this wasn't John's crowd to be around. "I didn't know that was a song. Or that you sang."
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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i have been unmedicated for the entirety of spring break and thus have had little interest in writing this down, but i have been thinking about this for the entire week (as well as a dpdc clone danny au that resulted in it becoming its entirely separate batman au that includes a teenage vigilante bruce wayne, an ocarina, and me entirely incapable of making a batman au without making bruce dirt poor but we're not talking about that) and so i've finally went 'fuck it' and forcibly grabbed my laptop. I will get this done in one sitting even if it kills me.
BUT. This is about neither clone^2 danny nor about who i am calling Ocarina Batman. This is about my Danyal Al Ghul Au and more SPECIFICALLY it's me thinking about his relationship with Sam and Tucker specifically.
Tucker and Sam? Adore this asshole (affectionate) with every fiber of their being. And it is very much a reciprocated feeling, but Danny's thoughts will not be delved into much other than he would kill for them.
Tucker? The only person currently capable of getting a deep, loud, belly laugh out of Danny. Sam can get him to smile and to laugh, but it's the kind that's a chuckle-under-the-breath. The quiet, looks-down-while-huffing laughter. Snorts once with laughter and then grins stupidly.
But Tucker? Tucker can crack a slew of stupid jokes and Danny will be incapacitated for the next five minutes because he's laughing so hard that he can't breath. He lands one well-timed pun or quip and Danny will be close to tears. His laughter is their favorite sound in the whole world.
Sam is lowkey jealous of this ability, and she's gotten a belly laugh out of Danny a few times. But alas, it is Tucker who wields this power and has gotten it the most times out of the two of them.
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They're also both physically affectionate with Danny as much as possible. It started roughly around when they were 12-ish, a year since they befriended Danny, and they noticed that he sought after touch but never seemed to initiate (and was in some ways repulsed by it). They started slowly being more touchy with him. Hooking a finger around his to lead him somewhere, tapping his wrist, looping arms. Little touches, grabs, etc, to get him used to it, and once he started doing it back they started increasing it.
It's gotten to a point where he will now just. Lay on them. Like a lizard sunbathing on a rock. Leaning on their backs when they're sitting in class before the bell rings, his chin on their heads. He'll talk about anything with his arms looped around their shoulders.
If they're sitting on a couch at either of their houses, he'll lay his legs on theirs. Him and Tucker will press their feet against the other's and try and push against them (newsflash: Danny always wins, Tucker claims its the ghost strength but Danny's been winning since before his accident)
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Naturally, both Sam and Tucker know where Danny keeps his weapons on his person, and are allowed to grab them off of him if they need it. His only requirement is that they don't lose his weapons if they take it and forget to return it immediately.
They both understand how big of a thing this is from Danny, and so they do their best to treat his weapons with a lot of respect and care because they know its his way of saying he trusts them.
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Sam and Tucker are so fond of Danny it's insane. Like fr. That's their goddamn best friend, and they are so protective of him. Emotionally, physically, you name it. They will tear the head off a grown man if they need to, Danny's had scars since he arrived in Amity Park and Sam and Tucker both are going to find the person who put them there and make them pay for it.
One time, Tucker overheard a bunch of upperclass girls speaking nastily about Danny and about the rumors surrounding him, calling him names like 'freak', 'monster', etc. Danny was with him and heard it, and seemingly appeared unbothered by it, even telling Tucker that he was used to such rumors.
Tucker was so furious that hacked into the school system later that night and tanked those girls grades. They were kicked out of their clubs and had to go to mandatory tutoring for the rest of the year. He made sure to leave some way of letting them know it was him who did it.
And Sam doesn't like using her money for things, doesn't like abusing that wealth. So instead, whenever her parents talk bad about Danny, she causes a media incident that has her parents scrambling to deal with. She does something wild, outrageous by her parents' standards.
She heard some boys on the basketball team making fun of Danny once, similar to those girls had. She kicks up a fuss about something eco-unfriendly at school and forcibly holds a protest on the same day of the big home basketball game, forcing them to cancel the event and reschedule to a visiting school.
She anonymously donates money so that there's new uniforms for the team but oops! Looks like she "forgot" to donate enough money for them to get uniforms for all the team members, and strangely enough those boys in particular didn't get them! Looks like they'll have to wait until more money gets donated for the basketball team to get their new, nice uniforms. The old ones look so ratty in comparison, right?
And since the football team gets most of the sport money, that might just take awhile. And if (and when) they kick up a fuss? oops! Off the basketball team you go, :) such unsportsman-like behavior is unfit for the team.
(The only good thing about how corrupt the school system is is that she can use it to her advantage too.)
The both of them know that Danny suspects them for the sudden misfortune falling on these people, but he doesn't call them out on it. He's kinder than he used to be, but not kind enough to vouch for people who speak badly of him. Sometimes, he might just congratulate them on not getting caught.
Because Danny is their wonderful, hurt friend with a "slightly" Blue and Orange Moral code, and enough scars that people have been calling him a criminal (and worse) since he arrived in Amity Park when he was ten. And they'll be damned if he gets hurt anymore.
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