I find it astonishing that researchers haven't found what causes pituitary tumors, prolactinomas in particular... would be amazing if they did more research on this... they told me it's from too much stress but our whole lives are full of stress unless you decide to do nothing with your life at all...

Your Thyroid, Your Metabolism: How a 30-Second Technique Can Change Your Life After 35

YOU GUYS

WE CANT KEEP DOING THIS

very awkward when people are like "omg you're so thin and small and tiny how do you do it" and the answer is an eating disorder/stimulant prescription since i was like, 11, that i am desperately trying to correct to this day

The fucking things they dont tell you when you fucking start Testosterone.

Yeah, everybody knows about the deeper voice and the dreaded asshair, but these were my unfunny little surprises after 3 months on T. Reminder that shit will always vary from person to person because we're not all clones of each other, whatever.

1. Bottom growth fucking hurts. Sometimes I don't want to wear pants. I knew it would happen, didn't know it'd be so uncomfortable. And it starts fast. Like first dose fast.

2. The irritability goes fucking CRAZY it's like I'm constantly PMSing. I get why dudes punch walls. Oh my god. I know how to keep my anger wraps, but holy shit.

3. On the topic of PMSing. I had temporary worsening of menstrual cramps. Jesus fuck. I was having pain before menstruation started for days, and sometimes just randomly. I hope it doesn't flare up, but it seems to be calming down now. I think my body is freaking out over weird hormone levels.

4. Vocal fatigue. Talking hurts. I expected voice cracks, obviously, but why the fuck does this shit hurt? I don't even want to talk that much anymore. My voice just gives out. It's still deepening, so a win is a win, I guess.

5. Apathy, emptiness, anhedonia, and numbness. My motivation has tanked. I don't fucking care anymore. I just want people to leave me alone so I can take a nap. I already had mental issues before starting T, and I don't think T gave this to me, but it's definitely changed how I feel my mental illnesses. I have to like relearn how to cope and shit. I don't recommend starting hormones if you're an emotionally unstable dumbass like myself. This is literally second puberty, mood swings and teen angst included. I am a volatile, angry little man.

6. Anxiety. Like I said, teen angst. My panic attacks now include intense nausea, which is New and Uncool. Dunno why that happened. But I'm just nervous. There's nothing to be nervous about. I consistently feel like I've forgotten to do homework. I am not even in school anymore. Rad!

7. Psychosis? I had my first intense psychotic break at 14. It lasted 6 months, give or take. I've had shorter episodes on and off since then. My symptoms are stress based. The emotional strain is, naturally, pushing me towards the edge again. I am sure I will explode brilliantly and violently within the weeks to come.

8. Male loneliness is real dudes. Have friends.

9. It's harder to mask. I've been periodically going mute again. I'd never really stopped, but it's more frequent now.

Anyway that's my rant I think.

I'm not telling you not to do hormones. I'm not your dad. But it's not fucking easy. Anyway I have no intention of stopping. I am thuggin that shit out. I had a really really tough time during first puberty, and I suspect I'm going to have issues the second time around.

I am happy with the changes I am experiencing physically. I still feel confident and sure of my identity as a trans man. I am just not very happy about losing control over my mental state again. We'll see how it goes. If I'm lucky, I'll get medicated. I can't afford a therapist right now.

Good luck out there, whoever you are.

whenever i see the view of 'always be 100% honest with the medical professionals providing you with healthcare' i just... how much privilege do you have to have to not see the pitfalls with that statement?

i understand 'always tell first responders what drugs you've taken'. but when it comes down to trans healthcare or people who're disabled or have "scary" mental health conditions. do you really think being honest the entire time is safe?

we love to vocal stim with our voice. can't wait for our 2nd voice drop!!

once a month my search history looks like:

bipolar getting worse for no reason

best way to die and make it look like an accident

how many calories do i really need to live

mental health crisis number

(2 days later) stores that sell tampons open late near me

Your Thyroid, Your Metabolism: How a 30-Second Technique Can Change Your Life After 35

being on your period will have you feeling completely fucking heartbroken over things that will not matter in about 4 hours

The more I think about it the more I really feel like the recently coined term mesosex might fit me and it's been shared by several intersex education/advocacy blogs I follow now so I know there's support for the term but I'm still like. Scared I would be Intruding™ on intersex issues if I started using it. Like I mean. I'm an afab & (afaik) perisex person with a reproductive disorder that's likely caused by a (non-intersex) hormone imbalance which I'm now essentially having to take feminizing HRT to fix, and as a result I'm now growing tits and undergoing female-pattern fat redistribution at the age of 25 after years of having little to no secondary sex characteristics. I've always identified with intersex issues but now that I'm essentially having to undergo HRT to make my body match my asab that connection to intersex issues feels even stronger. And like that's what the term is for. But my anxiety is still like "but what if you're intruding tho" lol 🙃

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT. I AM NOT TRANS I AM A CIS MALE LORD PLEASE WHY DOES EVERYONE I MEET THINK IM TRANS

Am I the only one???

I have been feeling especially suicidal lately. I have been gaining so much for the past 8 months despite ALWAYS BEING IN A DEFICIT. For most months I was eating under 1000, only presently I started reversing a bit and went up to abt 1100. But nothing helps. I go to the gym, get my steps in, take vitamins, eat "clean" but I'm a fucking ugly pig. Is it possible that my metabolism is so fucked? Whenever I research it ppl tell me that metabolic damage is fake. I even went to a doctor and told her how I have gained weight when I'm eating "super healthy" (I can't tell her I have ana lol) and she literally said "oh no you're fine, just don't gain anymore". (I cried for 4 hours after that lol) but yeah now I'm gonna run some blood tests, but still WHYY I'M BEGGING YALL TO HELP