#Do you like hurting other people?
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Do you like hurting other people?
#Jacket#Richard#Richard mask#Hotline Miami#Hotline Miami 2#HLM#HLM 2#do you like hurting other people?#TW: blood#birds foot trefoil#yado's crap art#yado's crap watercolours#yado's crap paintings#I decided to make my sketch into a painting y'all#I am actually super proud of this ngl#Ma boi wants VENGEANCE#I deliberately replaced HIS right eye to mirror Beard's cracked left lens
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Have a Hotline Miami shitpost. Hotline Mae-ami, if you will.
#nitw mae#nitw meme#night in the woods#mae borowski#shitpost#meme#night in the woods meme#night in the woods shitpost#hotline miami#hotline miami meme#hotline miami shitpost#GET TO CAR#Do you like hurting other people?
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do you like hurting other people?
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When all this is over, will you stay with me? For good?
#bg3#baldurs gate 3#laezel#shadowheart#lae’zel#shadowzel#more like shartzel#when im telling you they were meant for each other#what do you mean theyre both loyal followers to their god-queens who eventually forsake them and force them to become their own people#what do you mean they both crave the recognition and validation of their overseers but will never get it#the hurt/comfort of this ship is unreal yall#crying screaming sobbing
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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cw: implied sexual trauma, panic attack, intimacy struggles
You don’t notice it happening until it’s buzzing under your skin. Loud and unavoidable, the only thing you can pay attention to is the irregular flutter of your heart and the way it seems that all the air has been vacuumed from the room—
“Hey.”
You blink, and Katsuki is no longer above you. He’s not touching you at all—you turn your head to find him next to you, propped up on an elbow and only worried.
“Too much?”
The panic flares at the question, because what if this is the last time? What if he’s tired of this?
Your exhale is shaky—your laugh is forced and sounds out of place. “No, it was fine, I just—“
“Oi—“ he says, gently, “tell me the truth.”
The truth burns your eyes and keeps them on the ceiling, away from his. You nod, helpless and resigned to whatever comes next.
“What’s goin’ on in your head?”
You feel the tears spill over before you can catch them. You swipe them away with the back of your wrist. It’s still numb. “I’m just sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin it.”
He grunts a little in acknowledgment—a displeased, ugly sound—and then there’s movement that finally draws your eyes to him. You watch him cover himself with your duvet—all the way up to his chin.
“S’it okay if I hold you?”
He reaches for you and you let him pull you in. His hands stay above your shoulders and pointedly avoid your neck—cradling your head, letting you hide in the curve of his throat. His pulse is steady and constant against your forehead—or you imagine it would be, if it wasn’t muted by the fabric.
“Nothin’ is ruined,” he murmurs against your hairline, “s’my job to keep you safe.”
Your chest shudders against the cushion of the blanket and you feel a little guilty about crying all over it but Katsuki keeps you there, tethered to him. The ringing in your ears subsides, just a little. Just enough to hear the panic in your own voice.
“I promise I want it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m sorry—“
“Hey, hey,” he shushes you, careful not to tighten his arms around your shoulders. “Nothin’ to be sorry for. S’too much today—that’s all.”
It’s quiet, then, save for your sniffling. He keeps his mouth pressed to your hair, and his arms wrapped around you. There is a noticeable absence of his fingertips tracing along your skin—you don’t feel them there at all, and it’s on purpose. He’s considerate and it makes you anxious.
“Can hear you thinkin’.”
“I just—“ you inhale, trying to be brave, “I don’t want you to leave. I know I can’t—give you this—“
“Oi,” he gruffs, a little sharply, “I don’t give a shit about that. M’not a barbarian.”
You feel the expansion of his lungs as he draws in a slow exhale, and lets it out against the crown of your head. “Don’t think so little of me,” he murmurs, tone laced with hurt.
“You’re right,” you whisper, because he is, “I love you.”
“Love you.” He kisses it into your skin, soft and barely there. “Always will.”
#i have beat this horse to hell but I really do love writing about struggles with intimacy#because ~i~ struggle with intimacy and I write for me ya know#but idk i think it would be hard for him!! he just wants to care for me and keep me safe and i have a tendency to self sabatoge.#if you can believe that.#he just wants to help and he knows that what happened before him is not his fault of course. but it upsets him when I project onto him#which is like. a very human thing?#i have been thinking about that post from the other day a lot about believing the people that love you#bakugou katsuki x reader#bakugou hurt comfort#bakugou comfort#bakugou fic#mha fic#bkg it’s the little things
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I love you Monkey D. Luffy I love you protecting the power of friendship through the power of incredible violence
#I just watched the episode where he finds out Bellamy beat and robbed Cricket while they were gone#and Luffy and Zoro turn to each other and immediately nonverbally communicate#ok Luffy is gonna go beat the shit out of that guy and Zoro is going to stay here#I love that Luffy will do anything for people who have been good to him and I love that often the only thing he can do for them is#beat the snot out of the people who hurt his friends#now granted. often beating the snot out of people leads to other results#(like how beating Bellamy got his crew to give Luffy the gold artifacts back)#(or how most fights Luffy enters is with the goal of getting someone to STOP hurting people)#but I just find it endearing that he’s very. when you have a hammer (Devil Fruit) everything looks like a nail (hurting people)
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IS ANYONE ELSE FEELING KIND TODAY!!! IS ANYONE ELSE FEELING GENEROUS TOWARDS OTHER PEOPLE!!! IS ANYBODY ELSE BEING KIND AND TRYING TO UNDERSTAND EVEN WHEN ITS HARD!!! IS ANYONE ELSE ASSUMING THE BEST OF OTHERS INTENTIONS AND RESPONDING IN KIND!!!! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME
#having a day ^_^#I love being kind I just wish other people loved being kind more#people on the internet are SO FUCKING MEAN TO EACH OTHER???? its a terrible phenomenon#I have never seen people in real life treat others badly with the horrifying proportion of hate I see online#please. try to be kinder try to be more patient even when its frustrating#I have changed minds and deescalated arguments SO many times by being kind.#if someone is spouting misinfo in a furious rage and they're saying hurtful things? try responding with patience and kindness#even when you don't feel they deserve it. because one of 2 things usually happens#EITHER. they immediately shift their tone because you're talking to them like an equal and not an idiot#OR they continue to be horrible and it makes them look really nasty. its not a good look!! most people won't do the second thing!!#hateful online arguments has turned my mental health into a disgusting stew in the past#since I started being kind out of sheer frustration my mental health has improved a thousandfold#listen. sometimes its okay to be mean. if someone tells you to kill yourself I dont think its appropriate to give them patience and kindnes#BUT. if you treat someone like they're stupid. even if you're right!!! they won't listen to you or consider your words!!#because admitting you're right means admitting that they're stupid like you think they are. that feels bad so people won't do it#my wisdom. today I am so tired
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tim and bernard who break up and it's nothing big, no one cheated or anything. it's just their lifestyles didn't work out well together. tim cannot give up vigilantism currently and bear cannot handle the level of danger tim puts himself in. and on the other hand, tim cannot handle the fact that bear chooses to run into danger as an emt bc he already worries about everything but now he has to worry if he'll find his boyfriend convulsing from fear gas in a random alley but also bear who felt the life drain out of darla cannot stand the thought of not helping people and runs headfirst into dangerous situation after dangerous situation hoping that every person he saves can somehow make up for the fact that he could not save darla.
(he very pointedly does not think about the fact that there was nothing he could do because if he thinks about that, he'll spiral until they have to lock him in arkham too)
and so they break up but they were tim & bernard in high school and when they started dating they balanced out the worst of each other and they became tim&bernard. and everyone who knows them, knows that they're better together but they cant be together, they refuse actually because they cannot lose another person to the violence of gotham and by the time they figure out that they cant work together as long as the other is an emt or vigilante, it's too late for both them. they've already left too many pieces of themselves in each other.
tim still knows what bear means when he says "tim" in that exasperated voice. tim still goes boneless when he hears bear say "baby" in that firm tone. bear can still read tim like a book. he still knows the right way to massage tim's neck so that tim can go to sleep. everyone at the first responders gala knows not to bother ceo drake-wayne and senior emt dowd when they're talking.
(and if they're standing a little too close to each other than what is normal, who are they to judge? everyone knows that dowd and drake-wayne have history)
and if everyone on the night shift has caught red robin with his head tucked into the crook of emt dowd's neck as emt dowd runs a soothing hand up and down the vigilante's back, well then, they just quietly back away.
(after all, dowd's one of like, five, emts that can get the bats to receive medical treatment so if turning a blind eye to whatever the fuck they have going on is what allows them to give back to their heroes, then the night shift will do it every time)
and of course, tim and bear are practical people. they loved (love) each other sure, but when your lives are fundamentally incompatible, well, you cant get too stuck on the what-ifs, that's for sure. and so they do find love with other people and yeah, maybe it's not what they expected love to be when they first fell in love with each other. it's not the bubbly, stomach-swoopy, cant stop grinning, feeling that permeated tim&bernard's early days or the i Know you/you Know me that was their middle or the quiet despair that was their end but it is contentment. and in a life with as many losses as theirs, contentment is something they hold dearly
and they're happy! truly! but sometimes, at galas when they're making each other snort champagne out their noses or in darkened alleyways when their clothes are both stained with blood or at rallies for stricter gun regulations in gotham where they both sit too close to each other, fingers enclosed around each other in a death grip, when the presenters inevitably bring up grieves
(worst school shooting in gotham in decades, there's blood on their hands and blood in their mouths and darla is dead in between both of them and there is a chasm so wide that they are screaming to get their voices across and she will always be dead and maybe this had always been the problem that she is dead and there is no coming back from that and that there is blood on their hands and blood in their mouth and blood on their han-)
but sometimes, most especially on opposite sides of the street, as life pulls them in different directions, just sometimes, they see each other and just for a second, nothing too long, the flap of a hummingbird's wings, the time it takes to blink, an electron's orbital, they look at each other and for the briefest moment, blue on brown, a barely noticeable stutter in their steps, the space between heartbeats, because this is all they will give themselves because they do not dwell on what-ifs or what-could-have-beens, or what-should-have-beens, or delusions of a softer world, their eyes meet and they think to themselves, god, in another life, i would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with him.
#what the fuck is this#the theme was wistfulness. hopefully that came across right. and like i wanted this to be all 1 text block so you feel how it all collapses#into that 1 thought they have at they end but fuckass tumblr has a 4096??? text limit for a single paragraph???? so here's multiple paragra#anyway here is my middle of the road sad timbern hc. do i think this will happen? no? is this still a fun world to play in? yeah absolutely#also super huge fan of darla haunting the narrative. darla as this chasm they cannot cross. darla as smth they shelter each other from#but also smth like a 2 way blade. it cuts them both. it will never stop cutting them. smth smth the wound will always bleed#also i cannot stress how important it is that they are happy with other people!!! they are both satisfied with other people. it's just that#they have a very specific history and they are the only two people who really know and understand that history#and also it's not that theyre unhappy with their partners but just that smtimes they look at each other and... wonder. in a softer world#maybe i could've been a chef and you could've still been a superhero and we could've still worked out. maybe we would've gotten a boat#together and maybe we could've come home to each other. maybe i could've trusted you to come home to me. maybe you could've#understood my need to help people. maybe we could've held our love as something precious.#maybe in a softer world our love wasn't something that hurt us both.#i need to lay down. im going crazy#as always i do love reading yalls thoughts in the reblogs and replies!!!#bernard dowd#dc#tim drake#timbern#timber
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[ID: Two panels from Dungeon Meshi. The first scows Senshi clutching his face as tears start to spill out of his eyes, saying, "I've always... always wanted to have this soup one more time." He's not wearing his helmet in this panel, so his face is unusually visible, detailed and vulnerable. The second panel shows himself as a youngster, surrounded by his old mining team, all smiling at each other, one of them rubbing Senshi's head. Modern-day Senshi continues, "Thank you. All of you. Thank you." End ID.]
Holy shit. I anticipated some tragic backstory from the "I must feed the young ones" panels, but what I'd guessed was that Senshi might have become so devoted to cooking and eating literally whatever because he'd previously survived a famine and had seen children starve to death. I did not expect him to have been the child who was the sole survivor of a doomed travel party, one of whom was determined to feed Senshi first because he was the youngest, and that Senshi has lived with the fear of having inadvertently committed cannibalism by eating stew that he'd never quite known the contents of. I'm happy for him that Laios deduced and confirmed for him that it was griffin meat, that he was able to taste the meal that saved his life once more and remember the friends he lost. Seriously, I'm crying, and also earnestly relieved that while his backstory is pretty dark, it's not the type of fucked up I'd been preparing myself mentally for.
#Dungeon Meshi#Delicious in Dungeon#Dunmeshi#though it IS really worth exploring the ethics of cannibalism in survival situations#The podcast You're Wrong About has a really interesting pairing of episodes#in the Donner Party and Flight 571 Crash episodes#Both about disasters in which people wound up eating their dead to survive#and an interesting connection they drew was that it wasn't the cannibalism itself#that destroyed the lives of the Donner survivors#it was the horror and disgust and societal rejection they got for having eaten human flesh#even the children who had no idea what they were eating were treated with revulsion#and this is clearly the response Senshi feared facing if anybody knew what he'd eaten#But Flight 571 like a century later#the survivors were faced with a lot of understanding when rescued#relatively little condemnation and revulsion#by and large commentators acknowledged that they did what they had to do#and sympathized with how difficult and painful it must have been#which is what Senshi gets from his party#Laios wants to figure out the truth because he knows it's hurting Senshi not to know#But at one point Marcille straight up says that none of them would think less of Senshi if he did eat dwarf stew#Okay so this is Marcille 'ardent student of blood magic' Donato#but Chilchuck agrees#anyway I think that would be a particularly interesting conversation to have in a cooking manga#how do you safely eat a dead friend when that's all you have to survive on?#what are the nutritional benefits other than 'better than starving'?#what are the risks? There's prion diseases and all sorts you can get#they write it off as eating the dragon part but they DO spend seven days eating Falin at the end#ARE there any in/famous cannibalism cases in this world?#Do peopel argue about whether or not it's cannibalism if a dwarf eats a tallman?#enquiring minds (mine) want to know
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sketch dumps. composed mostly of razzes. with bonus lilis. aged up character designs i hope you're like :)
#psychonauts#razputin aquato#lili zanotto#psychonauts interns#(various)#norma natividad#fuckin norma.#my art#fanart#blood#minor amount but still i tag#drug reference#ow ow my ehad hurts from obsessing over psychonauts for a week straight#i get my grubby little hands on raz and i make him a weirdo about tickling like me. he is extremely [wiggles fingers diabolically]#to be fair. canon is in my favor about this.#i like the idea of people looking away and then being periodically shocked that raz and lili are still dating#someone: what do you mean you are still dating the girl you met when you were ten. don't you want to date other people#raz: what do you mean you're not buying any more lottery tickets after winning 3 gazillion dollars. don't you want to scratch more tickets
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thems
#deltarune#dr#kris dreemurr#susie deltarune#ralsei#kris deltarune#pokemon#my art#planning on also doing noelle and berdly at some point#i really love the idea that susies applin has a bite taken out of it#it doesnt hurt since its the worm not the apple but it does lead people to believe that she treats it badly#kris's zweilous do worry that their trainer is not acting like themself#they also parallel each other because i am evil#and since ralsei gets a mimikuy you can guess what asriel has (hess so protagonist coded)#>:3c
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I'm up for a long night of sketching (rare) and filled with a sudden abrupt sadness at having lost so much of my old work. But by some MIRACLE, all the old sketches I despise survived.
This is what I get for a) not keeping good backup habits and b) letting all my online galleries lapse.
I need to address the mass of said hated sketches and just do a cathartic burn. My space gets tidied, and I release some blegh feelings. We all win!
#text post#april rambles#I'm so sorry all my posts are now text#I'm in the middle of projects and restoring all the green rider art scans#and I have thoughts that are a big mixed bag#don't like most of my old art but I've lost so many scans of pieces dear to me#and those pieces are with other people not something I have access to#also woof how do you log into a dormant account?#facing the onslaught of old activity notifications?#the thought hurts me way more than it should#someday there will be new stuff
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something something jack and davey both thinking they were acts of service love language types because they were both so deeply insecure in themselves that they needed to feel useful to feel loved. and something something both of them finding for the first time with each other that they don't need to provide utility to be loved. and something something this spilling out into the rest of their lives as they make each other better and push each other to grow.
#it's slow and it's painful and it's rough going sometimes#jack realizing that as much as he loves his friends and he loves them with everything he is he's never fully trusted that they love him too#and reconciling how much he trusts them in everything else with how little he let himself trust their affection for him#hurts. and is hard.#and for davey realizing that maybe he hasn't been the good nice perfect son he's always tried to be#because he loves doing it#but because he feels like he /has/ to be that anchor for them so there's somebody doing it#that he /has/ to serve a function in the family or else what's the point of being in a family?#reconciling the genuine love he has for his parents and siblings with the resentment he's successfully ignored for so long#realizing that he's never felt like he /could/ fully be himself because what if it made the people he loves look bad?#that hurts and is not fun and is not easy#but both of them settle into each other and the knowledge that as they untangle these complicated emotions and what to do about them#jack knows he loves davey regardless and davey knows he loves jack regardless#and they trust the other means it when they say it#and so as hard as it is and as much as it sucks and as painful as each new realization is#they knows they have somebody to come home to who doesn't care how messy it all is and will truthfully say I love you anyway#newsies#jack kelly#davey jacobs#javid#javey
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13 is an utter awful rat to Graham in It Takes You Away, she treats him horrifically as she loses her patience and therefore temper with him and never bothers to apologise for it, but nobody notices because she didn't raise her voice and it wasn't in a situation where she'd be expected to mother him, so it sailed over peoples heads. She lost her temper and she got Mean. She didn't get shouty, she got mean. She's not a yeller when she lets her anger loose, she's sharp and cruel and so very deliberate. And that doesn't track with peoples stereotypes of women, does it? Women are shouty and Shrill when they're angry, apparently.
She does it to the master in the timeless children, she's sharp and mean and cruel and never once raises her voice when she does it (she actually lowers her voice when she's being really mean btw). This did Not happen when you're thinking it did. Not in the matrix room. She had no idea she was scoring a hit against him there because she didn't understand what he was thinking (because he'd deliberately mislead her). It was in another part of the episode. She scores a hit and almost makes him cry and nobody cares or notices because it's not in a situation where she's supposed to be mothering him while he's all sad. He was being a jerk, she hit out deliberately below the belt and won that round, the end.
It's no that I think 13 isn't at times objectively shitty as a person, because she IS, she certainly was to Graham in the moment above. It's just that instead of looking at the Actual moments on screen when she sucks and dragging her for being shitty person, people have to resort to making up things to accuse her of that are Very gendered (as in, things women are going to get slammed for in society based upon sexist ideology) that never even happen, simply because they didn't pay enough attention to notice her being a crappy Person to drag her for that/they don't actually care if she's in general a lousy person at all.
Because they don't Want her to be a crappy person, that doesn't achieve anything.
They want her to be a crappy Woman.
#dw shit#i am not going to say when in itya it is. To make a point.#or point out Exactly when it was in ttc either#she also treats Hanne badly in itya by using her as an opportunity to teach ryan things imo!!#you don't leave a scared kid alone with somebody they don't like just to teach that person to play better with others doctor#doing so almost got hanne killed and honestly she could have hurt ryan running away as well#13 is exceptionally callous but despite people slamming her All the time i next to never see it mentioned#there is So much shittiness to 13 but people don't notice bc she's a crap Person not a crap ~Woman~ by values of a sexist society's#version of a crap woman (of which i do not endorse)#so we... make up gendered things to slam her for???#so bonkers#once again if i'm not talking about you i am not talking about you
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