#Division 53
Text
Maroon (part three)
modern!Aemond Targaryen x f!reader
You were standin' hollow-eyed in the hallway
Carnations you had thought were roses, that's us
A series loosely based on the song Maroon of off Midnights by Taylor Swift ▪︎ read more Daemon & Aemond midnights imagines here: masterlist
series list: part one - part two - part three - part four -
themes/warnings: angst!, mutual pining, jealous!Aemond, language, description of accident/injury, Aemond in his stalker era
word count: 8.7k
a/n: proposed ages of the characters in this series - Viserys (64), Daemon (55), Alicent (53), Rhaenyra (44), Aemond (26), Helaena (25), Daeron (22), Aegon (30), Lucerys (22), Jacaerys (25), Joffrey (15), Alys (35) ---- as much as I'd like to pretend this took 5 minutes... heh. The Math simply wasn't Mathing for a long while. Anywho, just thought I'd write this in since I've aged up the characters.
Also - with all the time I've spent on this fic, I've decided to ultimately restructure part three. So part four will cover the night of the Dragonstone ball, where it's all about to go down.
Everything that occurs leading up to the Dragonstone ball - the outcome of the accident, Aemond struggling with his current state, and the reader left hoping for a love, that perhaps, never truly was.
Lucerys Velaryon has already garnered quite the reputation, at only 22 years old.
A darling of the masses, everyone loved the young heir to Driftmark, a great company built by his grandfather, the notorious shipping tycoon, Corlys Velaryon.
But having the name Velaryon is a double-edged sword for Luke.
It only increases his privilege and prestige, already being a Targaryen on his mother’s side. Luke is set for life; he has everything he could ever need at his disposal. As a young boy, he has always enjoyed cars. Tinkering with them under the guidance of his father Laenor, as well as his uncle Daemon. Luke got himself into kart racing at the age of 9. Illegal street racing, much to his mother’s disappointment, at the age of 14. And just recently, he has been competing in Formula 2 division racing.
From the outside, he is just like any other boy. Apart from the fact that his family is literally worth billions, that is.
But Luke has never been content. He has never been self-assured, borne out of the truth, one that everyone simply chooses not to mention, that Laenor Velaryon is not his true father. That he is a bastard, and therefore, not the rightful heir to Driftmark. He has always known this, despite his mother’s pleas otherwise. He knows this each time he hears the employees of Driftmark whisper amongst themselves after he passes by. Whenever he is invited to sit in the council meeting of the company, he feels his true status in how the shareholders disregard his opinions like he’s just some intern.
He grew up amidst the tension between himself and his brothers, and their young uncles, especially Aemond. When Aemond and Lucerys were growing up together, they simply did not learn to exist well around one another. Luke had bullied his young uncle long ago - an act of rebellion, of a boy growing up with resentment in his bones - when Aemond had been weak and scrawny as a child. Aemond retaliated in kind; but he finally matured and found some inner calm in his mid-twenties. A year or two before you met him.
Luke's uneasiness has only worsened, now that he is nearly set to take his place on Driftmark. Since his family hails from Valyria, everyone expects them to uphold the tradition of only passing down inheritance to rightful heirs. Never bastard children or outliers.
But what the hell. Luke has never been one to follow the rules. His very existence does not abide by them, so why should he?
The night of the accident, Luke had to sit in yet another board meeting for the company. This time, Aemond was there too. Only he was treated as he should, being a Targaryen. Like someone capable, someone worthy.
It should not have made any difference, really. Luke thought he was used to it all by now - the stares, the hushed whispers, the poorly masked scorn. They think Aegon or Aemond to be more competent. If the board had their way, it would not be Luke who would inherit Driftmark. Perhaps, his grandfather’s brother, Vaemond. Or hell, even his cousins Baela and Rhaena, though they never expressed any interest in the business.
Anyone but Luke.
-----------------------------
As a child, Aemond Targaryen saw himself as some kind of a ghost. A spectre simply moving around his family, their company, their horde of sycophants. Not the first to be considered. Not the designated heir to anything. The second son of the owner and chief executive of Dragonstone, and his much younger, barely beloved second wife.
Once upon a time, his father Viserys had been well and truly happy.
He was married to the love of his life, Aemma, and they had a lovely daughter who was loved by all due to her charm and fiery nature.
When Aemma passed in childbirth, Viserys had been near inconsolable. But he could not remain so for very long. Soon enough, his board of trustees, his advisors, urged him to remarry. He did not have an heir yet after all, and as per tradition, he soon needed to have a son so that he might raise him to become the next CEO and owner of their business empire.
But Viserys decided to essentially bypass such tradition, for less than a year after his wife’s passing, he had publicly announced his only daughter as his successor. It did not matter what the board of trustees or the shareholders preferred. They may have considerable sway over the affairs of the company, but in the end, the word of Viserys prevails.
And so Aemond and his three siblings have been pushed to the periphery. Not that they ever stood a chance anyway. In the end, their father will always uphold his precious Rhaenyra over them. Their mother plays the part of a mere trophy wife, though she is a noble Hightower herself, having to feign contentment in spite of all the times she and her children are slighted.
Aemond thought himself calmer now, and matured. Painstakingly made every effort to be far from that weak boy who had no place anywhere. He is still unsure if he likes the person that he is, and perhaps he never has. But he morphed - or masked - this self-loathing into an unfailing desire to do better, to be better. He’s always wanted more. And he has learned to be strong for his mother, his sister. Himself.
And now, you. How unpredictable you had been, bursting into his life like the Dornish comet of ‘07. He knew early on that you liked him, sort of, with how your eyes would dart back and forth to his direction whenever he’s in the room.
It made him uneasy, at first, when his looks developed in such a way that garnered him plenty of attention. The spectre of the city turned ‘Prince of the city’, a strapping young man who can have anyone he wishes.
But, funnily enough, all those socialites, models, glorified urban princesses with millionaire parents, Aegon’s harem of traditionally near-perfect friends from Lys that he often offers - none of them ever stood a chance to you, his sister Helaena’s earnest, gentle, and quick-witted best friend.
Aemond would be lying if he said he fell for you immediately. It would be far from his nature to do such a thing. But he had, slowly, found himself enveloped in your light, and only feeling warm, only feeling home - only feeling like he could truly love himself - when you look at him with those soul-piercing eyes of yours. Maybe he isn’t so bad after all, if you can see him in the way you do. And he trusts your judgement; when you profess to want him in turn, then he must be worth more than he thinks.
But the night of the accident, his forsaken shadow seemed to envelop him like an old friend. One that he can never shake. His anger, his darkness. He had long buried the Aemond Targaryen who frequently got into fistfights. The Aemond who deliberately ordered the expulsion of certain people he simply did not like from the employ of their company. The Aemond who chose to openly mock the truth of his raven-haired cousins’ parentage.
That night, that Aemond resurfaced, and with dire consequences.
The night of the accident, four months before the Dragonstone ball
The storm had begun just before the board meeting ended. Heavy rain spattered against the Driftmark tower, with the night sky illuminated by streaks of lightning.
Aemond and Lucerys were coming to a head at the council table, and the other members were having to intervene at multiple points, just to mitigate the rising tension. The storm brewing inside the young men’s hearts could easily rival the one threatening to flood the streets.
Lucerys repeatedly interrupted Aemond’s suggestions, having grown tired of his own being cast aside by everyone else.
“Wait for your turn to speak, my Strong nephew.” Aemond smoothly countered when he did not get to finish addressing Vaemond Velaryon.
“I didn’t think what you were saying was particularly important, uncle.” Luke retaliated in kind.
“Hmm. Some things never change, it seems. You still don’t know your place.”
“My place will soon be the highest seat of Driftmark. And you will still be grandfather’s second son, a mere placeholder at Dragonstone.”
“Please, sirs,” the meeting director complained. “We must get on with more urgent matters.”
Aemond and Luke barely contribute for the remaining minutes, opting to glare and sneer at each other from across the table.
But their council tiffs would not end up being the most unpleasant occurrence for that night. As if the storm also cast its darkness over their reasoning, they soon found themselves racing towards Gods Eye.
-----------------------------
It was meant to be a game. A show of bravado. Two young men, though in their depths still wounded boys, found themselves spewing offenses in an attempt to lower the other.
“You might inherit Driftmark, but everyone knows the truth, plain as day. You will always be a bastard.”
“Sure, but I am still more than you. What have you ever truly accomplished, uncle? Poor y/n, if she’s fallen for your tricks. Does she know who you truly are? She’s too bloody good for you.”
When Luke raised the challenge of racing to the edge of the cliff of Gods Eye, Aemond grasped at the opportunity to humiliate his nephew. To prove all of his claims to be wrong.
It might have been either one of them, or both, who deigned to edge their car close to the other’s, trying to veer it off course. Just a little nudge to make it spin out of the road.
But the turbulent weather was strong, causing mud and water to pool along the gravel. When the cars collided, Aemond’s took the brunt of the hit. Before he could even register the impact, his car was already spinning right towards the treeline.
Luke had veered off road, his car rotating upside down. His right leg suffered from multiple fractures, including a busted knee cap.
But Aemond…
His screams resounded despite the ceaseless pattering of rain, louder than even the roaring thunder overhead. A shard of glass had been wedged deep on one side of his face, splitting the flesh open.
So much blood had pooled into his one remaining eye, that he feared he went entirely blind. The memory of your face flashed across his mind, and he despaired at the thought of never being able to see you again.
Later in the operating room, when the full extent of his injuries was delineated to him, Aemond thought that perhaps, it is you who would never want to see him again.
Why would you, with what has now become of his appearance?
Two months before the Dragonstone ball
You’re finding it hard not to keep tabs on Aemond, still asking Helaena every now and then if he’s really alright. To which she always responds with some version of “He’s okay. He just needs some time.”
Time. That’s fine. You suppose that the accident must have shaken him up, enough to cause him to go into hiding and to avoid everyone.
Unfortunately… painfully, including you.
You find your mind drifting back to him every day - during your lectures, at work, at home, whenever you’re spending time with Helaena and you’re trying so hard to simply not just pester her about her brother.
You think back to those secret moments you shared in crowded rooms, up in their penthouse, whenever Aegon would throw a party. Back then, you did not know one another yet, not really. But he would sit on the couch adjacent to yours, shoot you a smile, and silently keep you company while you wait for Helaena to return. He did so because he could sense that you were anxious, and that loud gatherings aren’t really your thing, as he revealed to you when you were… dating. As short of a time as that might have been.
Gradually, you got to know him, in all those rare moments. His knowing, mischievous smiles. The subtitles nuances in his expression. His calculated manner of speaking.
You knew him, you had him, you lost him. Well, you do still know him - he is your friend, is he not? But it just as well could have been the end, the night of the accident. He has become a kind of spectre to you, leaving you yearning for what could have been.
Weekends offer some respite from the whole ordeal of having to miss him. Your job at the bookstore allows you to just sit in silence, entertain customers once in a while, and bury your nose in your book-of-the-week.
Once in a while, a friend even drops by. This time, Jace burst through the entryway, bell chiming in his wake, beaming with a brown takeaway bag in one hand.
“Hey, stranger,” you put down your novel, and leave your post on the counter to greet your dear friend with a tight hug. Jace takes note of the fact that your smile doesn’t reach your eyes, and his spirits sink. But he immediately gets to work on making you feel better.
“I’d say you’re going to love me for this, but you probably do already,” he says, presenting you with the paper bag.
“Don’t be so sure,” you jokingly say, narrowing your eyes at him, before peering inside, hit with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and pastries.
You shrug, starting to dig in with no hesitation. “Actually, good of you to be sure.”
He laughs as you drop the bag on the counter, and rip it open to reveal all the goods. He takes his own coffee and leans closer to have a bite of the profiterole you eagerly wave in front of his face.
“Thanks,” you manage to puff out, with a mouthful of pastry.
“Anytime, sweet.” Jace swallows, giving you a once over. “How are you holding up?”
It’s hard to act all nonchalant when he gives me those puppy-dog eyes. Jace’s innate sincerity almost makes you want to just cave in and vent all about Aemond. “Nice of you to be concerned, but it’s not like I was the one who got into an accident.”
“I know, sassy, but I also know that you and Aemond were… you have seen him recently, no?” he asks, sounding certain of the answer to his question, which downright confuses you.
“No,” you shake your head. “Along with the rest of the city, I haven’t seen nor heard anything from him.”
“Really?” he remarks, incredulous.
“Come on, Jace,” you take a comforting sip of coffee, still warm. “You know this. He doesn’t want to see me.”
“Huh,” his head tilts back slightly as he mulls over your response. “It’s just…”
“What?”
“I could’ve sworn that was his car parked across the street. Right outside.” he says, jutting his thumb over his shoulder. You freeze, but your eyes are drawn straight toward the shop windows.
“That’s not - ,” That’s not possible, you want to say. But your feet already drag you to the edge of the shop, with Jace in tow. “Which one is his?” you ask, knowing Aemond’s got quite a few cars, privileged boy that he is. Your voice comes out in a hushed tone, as if you don’t want Aemond himself to hear. Ridiculous, you chide yourself, it probably isn’t even him.
“That silver Jaguar idling on the curb,” Jace answers, and you see it. Slantwise on the opposite side of the road, stopped right before the bus stop across the bookshop.
“Are you sure?”What the hell could he be here for? You didn’t want to admit it, but you feel the hope right in your bones. You want him here, of course. You want him to come see you.
“Yes,” Jace easily replies. “There’s only one vehicle in the city with that personalized plate."
Before you can stop yourself, you take a tentative step outside, hand still on the shop door.. I’m sure he can see me, if he’s really there.
The windows of the Jaguar have the darkest tint, making it nearly impossible to see inside.
“That’s him,” Jace says from behind you. “He doesn’t let anyone else drive his cars. I even thought he was already inside the shop when I arrived.”
“Well shit,” you breathe, your heart racing in your chest. “What do I do?”
“What is he doing?”
“Fuck it.” You only manage to take a step forward on the sidewalk before the car roars to life, engine purring smoothly. Aemond maneuvers the car from its spot and leaves, driving right past you, a cloud of leaves and dust billowing all around.
“What the fuck?” Jace scoffs, thoughtfully waving his arm around to keep the dust from your face. “What is he on?”
“Aemond,” his name escapes your lips in a soft whisper. A silent plea that will never reach him, but you say it all the same. That it doesn’t matter to you, whatever state he is in after the accident. That even though he chose Alys over you, you can understand, or at least try to. He is still the same boy who captured your heart not so long ago.
But why did he just leave? What is he so scared of?
“Come on,” Jace says, holding the door open for you. “Your coffee’s getting cold.”
When you go past the entryway, you turn on your heel and hang up the ‘On a break. Come back soon’ sign on the door. Sighing heavily, you shrug at Jace, “What a day, huh. You sure know how to bring drama with you.”
Jace only smiles, well-used to your banter, “How is this my fault?”
“I dunno,” you raise your hands, and walk back to the counter. You’re not sure how you feel at the moment - anxious, worried, disappointed? It’s all up in a haze since Aemond suspiciously drove off, and so, you can’t control the flood of dry sarcasm spilling out of you. Like some kind of coping mechanism. “You must have called Aemond here, so you two can drive my poor heart into a frenzy. Like I don’t already have a lot on my plate.”
“Oh yeah, definitely.” Jace slowly nods, playing along. “Aemond hasn’t even spoken to me since everything went down. But I definitely sought him out today, and definitely forced him to watch you from out there in his car like some obsessed creep.”
“I knew it!”
-----------------------------
Fifteen minutes into your impromptu break, the tone has lightened to some degree, and you sit at a corner table with Jace, sipping the remains of your coffee.
After a lot more banter, and catching up about Luke, Joff, and the rest of his family - those who can still tolerate your presence,that is - Jace finds you staring blankly at a bookshelf. “Hey,” he says, “I don’t think my uncle is hiding in between those books.”
“Ha-ha.”
“Anyway, enough about him, eh?” Jace offers, taking your hand from across the table. “I actually wanted to ask you something.”
You squeeze his hand in return, staring back into his doe brown eyes, “Yeah?”
“Seeing as Aemond isn’t taking you to the Dragonstone ball,” he pauses, gauging your reaction. He decides that it’s all good when you remain impassive, “How would you like to come with me instead? I did mean to ask you, you know, but dear uncle beat me to it.”
“Oh.” Your hand loosens around his a bit, as you take in his words. “Well, I mean I would love to but - ”
Jace adds quickly, as if he is already reading the thoughts whirring through your mind. “No pretenses about it, I assure you. I’m not expecting anything else. Just that you honour me by being my partner to the ball.”
“Mmm,” your shoulders relax, and you find yourself smiling at Jace’s heartfelt nature. One that immediately warmed you to him when you first met. “Partners, huh?”
His tongue makes a clicking sound in confirmation. “What do you say?”
“Jace,” you start, weighing the options in your mind. “I would go with you, of course - ”
“That settles it then.”
“- but I just… I don’t know, if… Aemond does not want to see me, maybe I shouldn’t just show up at the ball?”
Jace rolls his eyes, “He doesn’t own the bloody ball, you know. He can’t control whether you come or not.” He leans in, voice lowering like he’s sharing a devious ploy, “Besides, if he doesn’t want to see you, then why would he be loitering across the street simply to watch you through the shop windows? Let’s be real now, eh?”
Fair point. You reply, “Far be it from me to know what he’s up to.”
“So come to the ball with me and ask him yourself. I’ll even back you up. With my own pitchfork and everything.” The way his eyes blaze in excitement sparks something in you. Being around Jace is always fun, like you’re free to do anything - you could even cause any kind of trouble and he would only be cheering you on.
If only… if only you liked him the way you do a certain someone, then you might actually have a greater sense of calm. Your self-doubt might be assuaged, your days brighter.
But no. It is Aemond who fills your wandering thoughts. Aemond who haunts your sleepless nights. It was him who nearly made your heart stop that night on their rooftop, who laughed with you and held you close when you were a fumbling, wine-stained mess.
Perhaps unfortunately so… it is Aemond whom you love.
That realization makes you straighten in your seat, scaring some sense back into you. Fuck, what am I even thinking? It’s Jace right in front of me. Jace who is asking me to the ball.
“You got yourself a deal, mister,” you playfully hold your hand out for him to shake.
-----------------------------
Later that night, the Targaryen penthouse in the Crownlands Tower is relatively quiet. Most of the family is away, save for Helaena, their housekeeper Talia…
… and Aemond, who sits in front of his desk, staring at the object atop it which is aglow under lamplight. His eye drifts to the metal surface of the lampshade itself, and he sees it. A scar stretched from his forehead to his cheekbone, with its edges tinged with maroon.
Revolting. It’ll take some time to heal, they all say. Well it’s been two long fucking months, and it doesn’t feel any better. Nothing feels right.
It isn’t fair, his mother wailed upon seeing him. None of this is. It was the rogue Lucerys’ fault, she insisted, for egging Aemond to go on a damned speed chase in the middle of fucking storm.
His father Viserys merely appraised him for a long moment, before mumbling something that sounded like, “I am sorry this happened, but you’ll be alright”. Then to his mother, “Lucerys is injured as well. This is what they’ve always done, as you know. Luke and Aemond don’t really get along but they’re grown now.”
He added with a warning gaze to Aemond, “They have to learn to be civil to one another. We are all family, after all.”
“Family,” Alicent spat the word like a curse. “Family should not be the cause of grievous harm.”
Aemond remembers the shrug that Viserys did. It is a gesture he has seen endlessly, it might even be the first thing he remembers of his father. All of his pains, and his achievements will always be met with a nonchalant gesture. Some father he is.
There’s only one thing that would make Aemond feel better in this moment, and even that, he cannot allow himself to have. He shall not present himself, this self, to you. He looks at his reflection and he hates what he sees. Perhaps he always has. But he also learned to love himself around you. How easy it can be, like second nature.
Maybe he was drawn to the fact that you are not from his world, with all its intrigue and playacting. How you choose not to perceive status as a tool, and how you can be kind to anyone. You, the girl who always keeps a book in her bag, even at parties, even if she most likely won’t have time to read it. Just in case, you had said, you never know. You, though very well-mannered, called one of Helaena’s so-called friends a “spoiled cunt”, when you heard her making nasty jokes at Helaena’s expense behind her back.
“Sorry you had to hear that,” you had said to Aemond in a grumbling tone, still quite irate, when you found out that he was just in the library adjacent to their living room. “They were just being so… so…”
“Fucking rude?” he finished your thought, his dimples showing in amusement when your eyes widened. “Don’t worry, doll. Maybe I would have done the same. Though that Beatrice would never say shit about Helaena in front of me, seeing as she tried to claw off my jacket once. Her fake nail got caught in the leather. Her attempt at seduction, I suppose.”
Your mouth fell open, then closed once more. You were at a loss. Your blood was just boiling at having to confront Beatrice, who has thankfully left the penthouse, and now Aemond is standing in front of you. Aemond, sharing some story, in good humour. About some girl trying to get with him, and failing. Later on, you will find yourself jumping in frustration in your living room, thinking how in the hell your mind must have short-circuited because you responded with, “It’s a good thing I keep my fingernails trimmed and plain then.”
It was Aemond's turn to stand there, lips parted in surprise at your sudden show of audacity. Where has this girl been hiding all this time? Or has she always been this way? Then your face morphs into one of shock, and you remain still, waiting for some other pin to drop. Something to distract Aemond so you can mumble some excuse and run away. Aemond observes the minute changes in your expression, like you’re struggling to get your bearings, and he finds it all endearing.
Suddenly, the door you had been leaning against is pried open, making you take a step closer to Aemond. An unruly, blonde mop of hair that can only belong to Aegon pokes itself inside, “What are you nerds doing in the damn library?”, then he turns on his heel letting the door slowly close on its hinges, “Never mind, I’m gonna get a drink!”
At the exact same time, you and Aemond burst out in a fit of laughter, the pure and melodic sound of it echoing throughout the room. The very first time that Aemond witnessed you laughing freely in front of him, and his thoughts would later drift back to this moment. To the way your eyes lit up, how your teeth clamped down on your bottom lip to keep from laughing harder, and how your dainty hand clasped his forearm, holding on to him for a while.
He did not know then, not yet at least, that he had started falling for you.
When your desire had become apparent, you did not attempt to cross a line. Correctly inferring that Aemond valued his solitude, you became content with admiring him from afar, treasuring every small interaction.
Everyone keeps remarking at how different he is around you, and maybe you do not realize the truth of their claims, because you had never seen him… like this. So broken. His mask of composure torn to shreds.
No longer the caring, attentive, and self-assured Aemond you claimed to desire.
“Aemond?” Helaena's voice drifts from his door, which is opened narrowly. She silently lets herself inside when he does not respond.
“Care for some dinner?” she asks, her gentle voice almost breaking through Aemond’s resolve. Perhaps it might have been able to, but not anymore.
“No, I’m not hungry.” Aemond answers, barely audible.
“Right.” Helaena doesn’t press further; she knows that nothing will shake her brother while he’s in such a state, so she tries to bring up something else. Something that might get his attention. “So, I, uh… y/n just called me.”
Helaena notices Aemond slightly tense up at the mention of your name. So that’s what it takes, she thinks.
“Aemond,” she steps closer, now standing beside his chair. “Why were you outside the bookstore where she works?”
Aemond shuts his eyes. Of course you had seen him. And he saw you, clear as day. Beautiful as ever. With bloody Jace right next to you, laughing while sharing some coffee he had brought.
“She misses you, you know,” Helaena says, and the words drive straight through Aemond’s heart. “I really think you just should speak to her.”
“Hmm.”
“What are you even afraid of?”
A long pause, as Helaena waits for a reply. Fidgeting with the edge of her sweater, she begins to say something more, when Aemond finally says, in a muffled, reluctant tone, “She deserves better.”
“Of course she does!” Helaena perches on the edge of Aemond’s desk, and his eye drifts over her for just a second, before looking down at the object again. “So call her and - ”
“Better than me.” Aemond clarifies, croaking the final word as if in pain.
“Oh, Aemond.” Helaena’s lifts an arm in an attempt to offer comfort, but Aemond instinctively flinches.
“No.” He breathes. “I can’t.”
Helaena nods in understanding, though her heart aches at the sight of her brother like this. She looks to the side, and sees the journal-seeming object sitting on his brother’s desk. The thing he seems to be staring at.
Helaena lets her fingers run over the smooth forest green cover, and she instantly recognizes it to be Valyrian leather. A rare commodity, so this must not be just any ordinary journal.
“May I?” she whispers, to which her brother shrugs in response.
She gently pries open the leather clasp, and she sees a dedication on the first page, in a swooping scrawl that can only be Aemond’s. Some special ink was used, staining the page with a deep shade of maroon. It reads in High Valyrian, their native language - Ñuha prūmia iksis aōhon.
“I meant to give that to her… before…”
My heart is yours.
“Aemond-” Helaena mutters, her mind stuck on the words, and she knows exactly who they are meant for.
Aemond abruptly rises from his seat, and puts on his black coat, “Just put that back where you found it.” Reaching for something else on his desk, he puts it on his face to conceal his deformity.
Before her brother reaches the door, Helaena manages to voice out, “Where are you going?”
“Away.”
Two weeks before the Dragonstone ball
The accident finally seems to have departed from the mainstream, turning into fodder for small talk as all sensational news pieces do.
Unsurprisingly, despite the tragic event, excitement abounds. The city is buzzing in anticipation. Everyone is already poring over the main list of attendees which has been made public online. You only glanced at it once to confirm that you are on the list as Jace’s partner, but something else catches your attention. You immediately close the tab in your browser after you read - Aemond Targaryen - and across from his name, as his designated partner - Alys Rivers.
“For fuck’s sake,” you sigh, biting your lip. You opt to open Youtube, but immediately your homepage reminds you of your recent activities. Not stalking, no. Just some curious research. Aemond has never been one to give interviews. That’s more in Aegon’s wheelhouse. Daeron especially, since he also works as a model, gracing the front cover of Vogue thrice already at only 22.
When Aegon graces the headlines, it’s most likely due to some disorderly conduct at a high-class party or a local dive bar. True to his brand, there is no in-between when it comes to Aegon. It’s either go big or go home. Which usually means he ends up drunk on the sidewalk, having to call Aemond to pick him up and give him a ride without letting their parents know.
But they always find out, of course. It’s hard to be discreet when you’re one of the most recognizable faces in the country.
As for Aemond, you’ve always found it hard to find even a single crumb of him from the internet. Save for a couple of sightings, including those of him and Alys Rivers, and clippings from the few times when he would speak in press conferences on behalf of Dragonstone. But even those were kept mostly private, and not freely available on Youtube.
As it happens, there have been some rumours of Aemond allegedly coming into blows with the Duke of Lannister and his entourage, after humiliating the man’s sister. Onlookers claimed that they saw the poor girl coming onto Aemond at some party in Pentos, flirting with him. Apparently, he was far from welcoming of her affections. There were some pictures of the fight, or at least, that’s what people say. You were not in the loop when the news spread, sitting through a lecture. Any trace of such pictures quickly vanished from the internet. The Targaryens are always on the lookout to protect their precious image, but they’ve never done anything so methodical when it comes to such occurrences, such as Aegon’s countless mishaps.
Aemond does have an Instagram profile. You asked him about it once, ages ago, even before your brief - what would you call it… Tryst? Dating period? Well, whatever it was, it’s all done for now.
“Was it your idea to have a profile anyway?” you asked him, after he had playfully teased you about stalking him. That was the only verified account of Aemond’s that you found, complete with the blue tick. His profile was empty, and the following list was at a whopping zero. Though of course, he had about 3.7 million followers, just waiting for the moment that he would choose to do anything on the site.
“Yeah, I suppose.” Aemond looked down and smiled, and you did not know it, but he found himself feeling warm due to the interest you were giving him. He’s confident about nearly everything, but when on the receiving end of attention from the woman he secretly longed for, he felt almost shy. “It was mostly due to the fact that I wanted to have one sole verified account online. I’ve heard talks of impersonators sending people messages and all that. Fucking annoying.”
“Ah, yeah.” You did not tell him, of course, but you knew of those fake accounts, having clicked on several slightly convincing ones to see if they were actually his. But none of them matched. You found yourself muttering, “He would never post that.”
“Didn’t hurt that I got to look through your pictures, too, love.” He smirked then, regaining his confidence.
You nearly melted into a puddle on the fancy designer-carpeted floors of their apartment, right then and there.
That doesn’t matter now. You sigh, slamming your laptop shut. Instead you choose to dramatically jump onto your bed and growl your frustrations out onto a pillow.
You roll over, amused at the whole thing. The digital alarm clock Helaena gave you reads 6:32 pm, it’s a Friday night, and you’re left with nothing to do. You’ve already finished the majority of your exams, and for the next month or two, you’re free to go on holiday and do whatever you wish.
But what? You finally decide to give Helaena a call, and reach for your phone on the nightstand. But right then, it lights up. ‘Hel’s Bells’ is calling you. An inside joke the two of you came up with about a week after you met.
“Speak of the devil,” you smile, and press accept. “Hel! I hope you’re just about as bored as I am.”
She laughs on the other end, “I don’t even have time to be bored. Mother has us doing all these preparations for the ball.”
“Do you need any help? I’m no expert at pomp and pageantry but I’ll do my best.” She had just stayed at your apartment a few nights ago for a sleepover, and you noticed that she was careful when mentioning anything about the ball. Trying not to stray into Aemond and Alys territory for your sake, you assumed.
“Sure, come over whenever you want. I don’t really have any idea what it’s all for, but hey, at least we get to put on fancy dresses and look pretty.”
“Oh, you always look pretty,” you say sincerely.
“Thank you, doll,” she says, before sighing dramatically. “Anyway, I actually called to tell you something. You’re going to come over to our place on Sunday night. We’re throwing a little party.”
“A party, huh.” Will Aemond be there, you wanted to ask, but held back.
You haven’t seen him for the last three months, after the fateful night of the accident. There was that incident when he parked outside the bookstore, but it was barely anything.
Word on the street is that the ‘Prince of the city’ had gone into hiding, as comical as that sounds to you. For what exactly? There has been speculation - perhaps he was left horribly disfigured from the accident, which is also why there isn’t any trace of the alleged pictures taken of him in Pentos. But Helaena immediately dissuaded that notion. My brother is not disfigured, she insisted when you brought it up, he’s simply recovering.
If Aemond wants to keep things to himself, then he has the right to do so. He would tell you if he wanted. Call you, send you a message. Anything.
“A party,” Helaena repeats. “It’ll be for our inner circle. Which includes you, of course. A little prequel to the ball, so everyone can catch up with each other.”
“Aegon’s idea?” you guessed with a wry smile.
“There might be a direct correlation there, yeah,” Helaena laughs. “Anyway, come over! Since you’re coming with Jace to the ball, then we have to plan everything for you, too! What colour dress do you want to wear? Well, there is a theme but we’ll work with that. Mum assigned a stylist and hairdresser for me, which means they’re for you too and - ”
“Hel, I don’t really need - ”
Then she says something that puts a stop to your protest. “Oh, Aemond won’t know what’ll hit him.”
“Huh.” The thought of seeing Aemond again gives you a surge of excitement. And nervousness. Your yearning for him reawakens, but it never truly left.
Having made her point, Helaena knows she’s got you hook, line and sinker. “I’ll expect you in the next hour.”
-----------------------------
Sunday came rolling over soon enough, and the party at the Targaryen penthouse is well under way.
The ballroom on the 2nd floor is packed, filled with people whom you either don’t know or barely recognize. Of course, it wouldn’t be complete without some snooty heirs and heiresses who would openly regard you with what could be confusion or derision. Until a Targaryen or Velaryon would approach you and eagerly whisk you away in conversation.
“Who is she?” you hear someone say when Jace takes your hand and directs you to sit on the couch with him and Daeron. “Why is Jace so close to her? And what on earth is she wearing?”
Unfazed by it all, and already used to such comments, you smile sweetly in that girl’s direction and greet her with a friendly, “Hi, how are you doing?”, without giving her a chance to respond.
Jace watches the exchange proudly. As you sit down, he says, “Aegon invited her, I think. I don’t really know, I don’t like her much.”
“How come?” you jest. “You two have so much in common. Heirs to the kingdom and all that.” Your sarcasm again comes out of you in waves, trying to temper your nerves. You look around the room, though it is not the first time you’ve scanned through everything.
“I’d much prefer your company,” Jace easily says, then notices your divided attention. “He isn’t here.”
In a transparent attempt at surprise, you ask,“Who?”
Daeron overhears the exchange, after his friend stands up to get a drink. “Aemond’s not here, y/n. At least I haven’t seen him. Last I heard he was holed up in our holiday estate in Pentos.”
“Oh.” Your face visibly falls. You didn’t know what to expect, really. Of course Aemond would not just show up at this party after avoiding everyone for too long.
“He will be at the Dragonstone ball though,” Daeron pats your knee in sympathy. “He might be going through some shit, but mum would lynch him if he misses that event.”
Jace and Daeron continue to look at you, seeing if they need to offer more comfort, and you can’t stand it. “Alright, you two. Thanks for… I don’t know… but this is a party! We should just go and have fun. No need to be concerned about me and…” You choke up at his name, negating your false show of indifference.
“Okay,” Jace says, saving you from saying anything further. “How about I get you a drink, hmm?”
“Yeah,” you say, but something crosses your mind. You stand at the same time as Jace, grabbing his arm, “Actually, I’ll go get some air first.”
“Are you alright?” This time, Jace’s sincere gaze is not enough to distract you from that familiar gnawing ache.
“I am,” you smile placatingly. “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
-----------------------------
Aemond Targaryen, contrary to what everyone in the party believes, is no longer wasting his days in Pentos.
He had slipped back into the city earlier that night, and in the safety of their 7-floor penthouse. Right in time for the revelry. He has no intention of making an appearance, but when Helaena let it slip that you would be attending, he could not help himself.
The fact that you would be under the same roof was enough to get Aemond to scurry back home. While he might not be ready to show himself just yet, there are methods which allow him to see you. Watch you.
Helaena would probably smack him upside the head, if she found out. That not only had Aemond come back without telling her, but also that he is watching her friend through the CCTV cameras littered throughout the penthouse.
Perhaps it is unsavoury, and you might cross your arms and huff at him if you found out. Oh, what I would give to see that in person. But he’ll take what he can get. Do what he must. To still have you, still see you.
His left knuckle is taut, still bandaged and bruised from his recent activities. Luckily, the stitches on his face had not come loose and the medical treatment his mother is putting him through has done considerable wonders. What would you think, I wonder, if you saw me like this, my love.
His laptop is propped up on his desk, right next to the green journal he means to give you. On the screen, he watches as you trail Helaena for a while. As you sit alone, watching everything unfold. As Jace comes for you, and you sit together on a couch. Too close. Too comfortable for Aemond’s liking. Is something going on between you and my fucking Strong nephew?
When news reached him that you would be coming to the ball with Jace, Aemond had broken something. He can barely remember what it was, just the sound of it shattering against the wall. A wine bottle? A vase? A mirror? Whatever it was sent his company fleeing from their table, and Criston had rushed forward to make sure that he wasn’t harmed.
Aemond glares at the screen you walk after Jace and whisper something close to his ear.
Jace regards you for a long while. He better not…
But then you nod and smile, stepping away from him. Aemond finds himself breathing a sigh of relief, predictably, and he almost snorts at his own reaction.
You walk out of the ballroom, and Aemond has to switch between cameras to follow your path. You pause down the hallway, and lean next to the wall.
What are you doing, ñuha jorrāelagon?
Seemingly decided on something, you swing the door to the staircase, forgoing the elevator. The cameras on each landing track you as you continue to climb upward, panting slightly when you finally reach the entrance to the rooftop.
You take slow, sure steps toward the golden railing. For a moment, you just stand there, seemingly watching the city below.
I have to see you. I have to try. In a split decision, Aemond slinkers out of his room, the party below still unaware of his presence.
Then he heads up the flight of stairs as you had done, feeling more apprehensive with each step. What do I even say to you? Do you still want to see me? He finally reaches the final landing, and heart in his throat, he pries the door open as silently as possible.
You no longer stand at the railing. Instead, he spies you sitting on the plush seat the two of you shared on that one night. Facing away from the entrance, looking up at the stars.
Aemond knows that isn’t as it was before. He cannot simply approach you and watch as your eyes immediately welcome the sight of him. It’s not the same, and it is all his fault. He wonders if your heart might still race because of him, or will it have become cold, after all this time?
He draws closer, with each footstep uncertain. But your pull is stronger, taking precedence over all of his worries.
“I miss you,” is all he can bring himself to say, throwing caution to the wind. You freeze at the sound of his voice.
Then a shiver runs up his spine as it dawns on him - in his haste to see you, he left his eyepatch in his room below.
-----------------------------
I must be dreaming. The hairs along your arms stand in your shock, and you keep both hands flat on the seat to keep you steady.
Is it… You start to turn back, but cease all movement when Aemond pleads, “Don’t. Please don’t turn around.”
“Aemond?” your voice is shaky, and you feel a tear threaten to escape. “They said… we all thought…”
“They do not know that I am back yet,” he answers. “Just you.”
“Oh.” Your head is still turned to the side, and you have to fight the urge to simply rise from your seat and face him. You exhale, trying to calm down. When that doesn’t work, you lean back against the seat, and force yourself to count the windows on the building down the road.
6… 7… 8…
But the sudden feeling of his hands on your shoulders makes you lose all train of thought.
“Did you miss me?” Aemond asks, standing right behind your seat now, his sweater grazing the back of your head.
Your mind is flooded with thoughts of all that happened between the two of you - the beginning, the brief affair, the end. Is it the end?
Answer him. “Did I miss you?” you bite your lip, and your brows scrunch in frustration. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Your expletive makes Aemond take a step back. “I-I’m sorry…”
“I’ve been so worried about you, Aemond!” Your hands bunch up into fists beside you. You did not realize you had all this pent up anger, with the past few months being spent pining. Longing. Yearning. Like some silly little fool. When he didn’t even make any effort to reach out to you, and the most you got from him was that episode outside the bookstore.
“Oh yeah, and what the hell were you doing outside my place of work?” you stand then, and lean against the railing in front of you, careful not to turn and catch a glimpse of him. “You wanted to speak to me? Well, why didn’t you just do that?” You can feel your erratic heartbeat pounding in your chest, and for a moment you become afraid that it might just stop altogether.
“I did want to speak to you. To see you.” Aemond sighs heavily. “I always want to see you, my darling. You’re all I’ve ever thought about since - ”
“Yeah, right. I bet you did.” You threw the offhand accusation over your shoulder.
“I did,” Aemond swears. “I miss you every day, I -”
His voice is softer than before, and kind of nervous. Your resolve is at risk of breaking, because… Why does Aemond sound… broken?
He finishes, “I just needed some time.”
There are so many more that you want to ask him - What really happened in that accident? Where have you been all this time? What is going on with you and Alys? Where do we truly stand?
But instead you mutter the one thing you are most certain of, “I miss you too.”
Aemond breathes a sigh of relief. He moves to stand behind you, and steps closer.
Closer. You don’t dare move a muscle, because you just might turn around and forget about his request. He moves closer, until his chest is pressed against you from behind. Closer, until his hands squeeze both of yours on the railing.
You feel Aemond rest his face on your shoulder, inhaling deeply. At this point, he is practically enveloping you. Each breath he takes warms your neck. His thumbs run over your knuckles, and he says, “Are you still angry at me?”
“Should I be?” You lean your head back to rest on his right shoulder. From the corner of your eye, he looks as he always has. Almost ethereal, with his silver-blonde Targaryen hair and sharp, defined features.
Aemond moves his head slightly toward the left, careful not to reveal the ruined side to you, when he feels your wandering gaze.
“Please don’t be angry with me,” he pleads. You hum in affirmation, and in a lower voice, he purrs, “Close your eyes, darling.”
You try to ask why, but then you feel his lips lightly press against the nook between your neck and your shoulders. Your eyes flutter shut on their own goddamn volition.
His mouth parts even more, before coming down once again and nipping at your skin. His arms wrap themselves around your waist, and his hold tightens until your entire body is flush against him.
Still, you haven’t seen all of him.
Your hand reaches up to touch him, and your fingertips graze the side of his face. When your thumb runs over a bit of what must be raised flesh, like some partially healed lesion, Aemond jumps away. At once, you feel the cool evening air hit you, the warmth of his embrace having gone.
“What is - ” you start to ask.
“It’s nothing.”
“Aemond…” you hesitate. What could possibly be so terrible, he won’t even allow me to look at him? “If anything happened to the way you look… it wouldn’t matter to me. You would still be the same boy that I lo - ” The words hitch in your throat, their sentiment heavier than anything you’ve ever said.
Everything is at a standstill. Aemond does not say a single word, but you know that he understood what you were trying to say. He must.
And how can I even gauge his reaction when I can’t even look at him?
“Aemond?”
Much to your surprise, his voice is already farther away when he responds with a hurried, “I’ll see you at the ball.”
You swiftly turn around in your disbelief. Did he just fucking leave?
The door to the penthouse shuts behind him, and you are left dumbfounded at his actions. The old Aemond would have never done that to you, but what do you know?
Perhaps my Aemond is truly gone.
The ball is coming up next!!! Reader may finally learn to let go of Aemond, or at least give him what he wants - a whole lot of space and time.
Also, reminder - Aemond's injury is still pretty fresh, considering the damage. So no, he hasn't stuck a sapphire in there yet. Imagine how little Aemond looked in episode 7, with angry stitches running down his face, but a bit more healed. His eye socket is still sewn shut, and it still causes him much pain, so go easy on our boy, y'all.
taglist still has some spots left! I've managed to continue it in the comments 🖤
and I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this, and what you're hoping to read in the next part!!!
Series taglist: @caught-in-the-afterglow @aemondtargaryensrider @punggo66 @dollfaceyourfear @candypurplebutterfly @moonmaiden1996 @mxrgodsstuff @lolitaisreal @blue-serendipity @melsunshine @thejanecampaign @fxngsfxgxrty @padfooteyes @msmarvel-19 @tempo-rary-fix @lauraneedstochill @julczimozart @sarcasticfangirl @witchyvik @pyjama-shorts @bellaisasleep @zillahvathek @thincrusttheworks @krispold @yougotthatlove @raging-panda @fleetingly-artistic @throughgoeshamilton @polireader @katsav17 @minttea07 @kravitzwhore @meggiemay82 @hedonefox @daenysx @schniiipsel @namoreno @afro-hispwriter @aemondswifeisme @emcharra @malfoytargaryen @iiamthehybrid @fullmetalriotts @kellzlib @justsumtuffstuff @daydreamy-me @yentroucnagol @kezibear @queenofshinigamis @paprikaquinn
#aemond targaryen#aemond targaryen x reader#aemond targaryen imagine#modern!aemond targaryen#modern!aemond targaryen x reader#house of the dragon#ewan mitchell
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This episode of Burrow's End was absolutely incredible (I just started watching D20 and I'm losing it. This isn't scripted how is it so incredible? Like one of the best-"written" things I've ever seen).
So much happened, but I have to wonder if the whole stoats possibly intentionally causing a nuclear meltdown was in any way inspired by the time a weasel (and later, a marten) temporarily shut down the CERN Large Hadron Collider by chewing through wires.
See this article, which contains the incredible line, "It is unclear whether the animals are trying to stop humanity from unlocking the secrets of the universe."
Raccoons also once attacked the Fermilab particle accelerator, leading to this official report from the lab:
"At 1:24 a.m., Operations reported a raccoon attack in the Linac gallery. It seemed to be a coordinated effort. Fortunately, by 1:53 AM, a joint force of operators and Pbar experts managed to drive the raccoons out of their hastily made fortifications. Then at 4:18 p.m., the raccoons made what some thought to be a counterattack on the Division Headquarters, but others believed it to be only a simple reconnaissance incursion. No raccoons were either injured or captured during these encounters. Operator losses were low."
#burrow's end#d20#dimension 20#the history of wild animals interfering with science is hilarious and bonkers#a whole deer walked into the lab I used to work in#we also had snakes lizards and so many spiders#they didn't ruin our experiments fortunately#this was literally a NASA lab#dimension 20 spoilers#sam speaks
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hello from the hallowoods dashboard simulator
😈 valerie-meme-stone
I'm not ready for my spotify wrapped to just be stonemaiden. like i get it spotify i know i'm gay
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📝 the-poetry-panopticon Follow
Unfriendly reminder not to sign up for a Dreaming Box subscription! The Botulus Corporation is not to be trusted! Here's an article explaining the language in their contract and why it's concerning! In addtion, they use AI generated images in the Prime Dream, which we should all know by now is unethical.
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🥗 bisexualranchdressing Follow
dang this is crazy. i thought wildfire smoke was bad but what the fuck is this????
🌅 nerdy-tragedy-theorist Follow
well according to color theory
🌅 nerdy-tragedy-theorist Follow
never mind i've got nothing
739 notes
⚡ evil-electrician Follow
friendly reminder to stop spreading misinformation about the black water! people are saying that it brings people and animals back to life but that's not exactly true! although their body may be back, they're not the same person and they will likely become violent and dangerous. please stay inside and be really careful what you and your pets eat or drink.
🐈⬛ cats-not-capitalism Follow
fuck you op i'm keeping my undead cat
⚡ evil-electrician Follow
good luck keeping your fingers
48,230 notes
🐧 morally-grey-penguin Follow
1,383,248 notes
eccentricelina-deactivated04232030
i must not go to sleep in the lake today. afternoon nap is the mind killer
eccentricelina-deactivated04232030
mmmmmm cozy
eccentricelina-deactivated04232030
where is my skin
eccentricelina-deactivated04232030
going back to sleep honk shoooooo
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🌮 mysteriously-crafty-nacho Follow
reblog this post to go north with the person you reblogged this from
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🧊 botulus-corporation Follow
The Botulus Corporation is with you during this difficult time. Join our happy dreaming family where you and your loved ones will be safe from the rain. Tumblr users get 30% off on a Dreaming Box subscription!
🐨 chief-koala-typhoon Follow
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🌿 shiny-wolf-tragedy Follow
it fucken rainny
🐼 dreamland-panda Follow
love that they'll be a literal apocalyse and tumblr users will just make memes. never change tumblr
72,138 notes
👁️🗨️ the-magnus-brotocol
choosing between the irl amazing digital circus or probably fucking dying was not on my 2030 bingo card but okay
👁️🗨️ the-magnus-brotocol
at this point i just gotta expect that if the year is divisible by 10 then something terrible will happen
94 notes
🐺 werewolves-are-hot
hey do you think i can get a real werewolf boyfriend now that monsters are real
🐺 werewolves-are-hot
any cute werewolf boyfriends in this part of the woods
429 notes
🌷 pleasant-arcade-land
oh man it's been a couple months since I last updated this fanfic huh! so I just drank some black water by accident and now I have a few extra fingers, and honestly that took some getting used to, but it's actually pretty convenient now and is really helpign me get more words in lol im still here writing homestuck fanfic in 2030 hehehehehe anyway new chapter here
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🌑 the-void-whispers Follow
so, it looks like tumblr might be dying soon due to, well, *gestures wildly.* You'll have to kill me before I join Twitter now that the Botulus Corporation bought it (and no, I am not calling it B, that is just stupid) so if you want to hear from me you will simply need to look out for passenger pigeons. in the meantime, ill be here until tumblr straight up dies and i have a crying session about it
🦌 gamer-guy-bath-water Follow
we do not grieve ice when it melts, or celebrate the sapling when it rises from the soil. they just are. life and death and rebirth are one constant state. and without change, there would be nothing to watch
⚔️ sword-lesbian-enthusiast
add that to the list of banger quotes from tumblr memes
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Original Writing Project: 916
OKAY, now that I've edited the first few chapters enough, I think it's finally time to have its debut to you all!
This is an original sci-fi story completely written by me, with MAJOR influences from things like Gundam and whatnot.
I want to post it here to get your all's feedback and just to share some good ol' storytelling, so please let me know what you guys think of it, your feedback/comments is always read by me!
I expect to have the first few chapters out sometime during this week after your normal schedule of simping, but this post will just be covering what the main idea of the story is/what shows/games is influencing it.
Below the cut is the blurb, inspirations, main characters, and a story excerpt!
First of all, thank you so much for even pressing the keep reading tab/showing any remote interest. I understand this isn't really what you come to this blog for, so it means the world to me!
Anyways, first up is the story blurb:
===
Story Blurb:
The year is 1177. Thirty-four years have passed since the battlefield had been introduced to the bipedal warmachines known as Soldat D’acier. Though they only stand a few meters above tanks, they were able to reduce armored divisions to scrap metal, and fortresses once thought impenetrable transformed to piles of rubble.
The entire continent of Anis rushed their militaries into an arms race to have their own versions of these steel behemoths.
In the name of expansion and rightful conquest, the country of Florence had declared war on Cumbria in 1155. The invasion saw countless deployments of Soldats on both sides, and death quickly followed in their wake. The two nations signed a peace treaty to end hostilities after five long years, but their crimes wouldn't be so easily forgotten by the people, nor its creations.
Now, the man-made atrocities emerging from the "Enhanced Human Initiative" stoke the flames of war once more, forcing an uneasy alliance. And from the same crime that threatens them, comes their final hope: Enhanced Human 916.
===
Inspirations:
Mobile Suit Gundam: Iron Blooded Orphans,
Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury
Mobile Suit Gundam: Narrative
Mobile Suit Gundam: Unicorn
Mobile Suit Gundam: Zeta
The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel,
Armored Core 6: Fires of Rubicon,
Scarlet Nexus,
Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker,
Girls' Frontline,
I was not joking when I said the major influences are from Gundam. At first I was worried about not being 100% original, but eh. Write what you love, right? Elements of the story, themes, suits, and a unholy amount more is snatched from all the Gundam shows listed above.
Armored Core 6 is what inspired the look of the "Soldats", and how combat flows in the story. The main lead, 916, is called numbers bc of the player character 621. (I also learned that the reasons I chose that number came from my subconscious, specifically Darling in the Franxx and that character, 196 aka Ikuno)
Scarlet Nexus inspired some of the tech things regarding the pilots being able to "read each other's minds" so to speak. Pretty much a less space-magic version of being a Newtype from Gundam, as well as other characters.
Trails of Cold Steel and Girls' Frontline inspired the other cast members, and speaking of which:
===
Main Cast:
Wolf Company
Enhanced Human 916, "Vi", Age: 21
A young man who escaped the "Enhanced Human Initiative." Due to augmentation and surgeries, he remains stoic and emotionless, but thanks to his adoptive family, has shown signs of opening up. Earned his nickname after his violet eyes.
He pilots the Soldat R1-N0, "Rhino", a bulky mech utilizing rush and ambush tactics, armed with a 60mm Autocannon and Heat Dagger.
A/N: Titular character, heavily inspired by Byleth (Fire Emblem Three Houses), and Mikazuki (Iron-Blooded Orphans).
My second favorite character to write so far in the story, ironically.
David Collins, "Boss", Age: 53
Leader of a PMC called "Wolf Company". David took 916 in at a young age and raised him to be part of the "family". Loud and proud, he takes great pride in all serving underneath him, and has known to have a temper in anything regarding his age. Earned his nickname since calling him "Boss" was more comfortable for everyone.
He pilots the Soldat "Juggernaut', a machine with the legs of a tank, but upper half of a mech with arms. Armed with wrist-mounted machine guns and twin battle-cannons on top of its shoulders.
A/N: Inspired by Maine from Cyberpunk: Edgerunners. Don't look too much into that, don't worry. You can also tell from just his dialogue how much I like writing him too. He is my number 1 favorite to write.
Chloe, "Flare", Age: 35
Second in command of "Wolf Company. Chloe is extremely loud, complementing her foul-mouthed nature. Generally regarded as the "Big SIster" of the team. Earned her nickname from her extremely short temper.
She pilots the Soldat "Mantis", a lanky and smaller machine focusing on blitz tactics, able to leap surprisingly massive heights due to its inverted legs.
A/N: Inspired by Bianca (Gundam Thunderbolt), Sasha (Attack on Titan) and Miku (Darling in the Franxx). To everyone I have shown this story thus far, she has been the fan favorite, including her partner in crime:
Hayes, "Screw", Age: 32
The newest "rookie" of Wolf Company. Impulsive, a little too confident in himself but admittedly a talented sniper, Hayes is always eager to prove himself. Earned his nickname from either screwing himself over, or the enemy.
He pilots the Soldat "Phantom", a mech focusing on stealth and sniping, able to keep itself off enemy radar.
A/N: Inspired by Connie (Attack on Titan) and Zorome (Darling in the Franxx). Him and Chloe are a fun combo, as you will soon see.
There's eight more main characters, but I'll let you read their introduction yourself! 916 and Wolf Company will be the ones we'll be following the most throughout the story. Though this part of the cast was heavily inspired by Iron-Blooded Orphans. For those who watched the show, again, don't read too much into that.
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The last thing I'll have for this post will be an excerpt from the prologue to get things started! Hopefully my slow ass will have the prologue out soon, so please look forward to it!
Without further ado-
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Story Excerpt:
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“Doctor Moreau, do you think we go to heaven?” asked the small girl.
Doctor Moreau stopped typing for a moment as her eyes glanced over the terminal, seeing the child laying on the operating table, standing out from the rest of the clean black walls and white tiles. The room was supported with soft lights illuminating the room, complemented by the blue screens and dizzying amount of automated surgical equipment quietly whirring into position.
Moreau pushed her aging white hair away from her eyes, looking at the child, subject designated 403. 403 was about seven, she barely stood up to Moreau’s stomach and had long black hair that stopped at her shoulders. The light blue gown was slightly too big for her, the sleeves extending over most of her hands and just revealing her fingers. Seeing her face again reminded Doctor Moreau of 403's rather inquisitive nature.
“Why are you asking that, 403?” Moreau replied, her tone indifferent. Her fingers went back to typing as she sighed. “If you’re worried about the procedure, the chips are perfectly safe to implant. There has been no previous record of anyone dying from-”
“-But I’m going to die after.”
“...What?”
“After the chip goes into me. Will the others and I go to heaven?”
The question had caught the doctor completely off guard. Moreau had answered questions such as, “Will this hurt?”, or “Do I have to?”. This question was something she could not answer with her usual dismissive tone. She sat up straight in her seat now and turned to look at the child. 403's eyes were still fixated on the ceiling.
“Why are you so certain you’re going to die, 403?”
“That’s what my brother told me. When the chip goes into our brain, we’re sent off to die.”
The girl’s voice stated it as a matter of fact. There was no confusion in her tone of what was to become of her. Doctor Moreau had no response as she stared at 403 with her mouth slightly open. The child simply turned her head, facing her and expectantly waiting for an answer.
“... I certainly hope there’s a heaven, 403. I’m sure heaven will allow good kids like you and your brother.”
“What about my friends? Will they-”
“We’re about to begin the surgery. Please face up towards the light and close your eyes.” Moreau bluntly cut off the conversation.
403 pouted, but complied. It was clear that the answer did not satisfy her as much as she wanted it to. Doctor Moreau took a second to recover and focus back on the job at hand. Facing back towards the terminal, she began typing once more. With the input of several passwords and confirmations, the surgery to implant the combat data-chip into 403’s brain would commence. Afterwards, she would be sent to her brother’s unit, and be deployed to the battlefield.
Just like all the others.
This room had always been nothing out of the ordinary to Moreau. The same procedure had been repeated more times than she could count and yet why did this one make it so hard to breathe all of a sudden?
“Doctor Moreau?”
“Yes, 403?”
“Can I ask one more thing?”
“You may.”
“Can I listen to that song you always play? The one that goes ‘Lalalalala~’? I want to hear it one more time before I sleep. I really like it.”
Doctor Moreau’s lips suddenly dried up as she once again stopped typing. With a slightly trembling hand, she turned to the radio sitting on her desk and nodded.
“...Of course, 403. No more questions, please.”
She could see the smile form on 403’s lips as the mask was gently put onto her face, the anesthesia slowly starting to pump into 403’s lungs.
“...Thank you.”
Doctor Moreau swallowed hard as her finger pressed the on switch of her old radio. Despite being in such a high tech surgical room, her radio was comically outdated. It was a small gray oval-like object that only had a speaker and a few buttons. To even put music in it, she had to insert a smaller rectangle that contained the songs in it via tape. It was a gift from her father when she was 403’s age, the thought of their roles being reversed not lost on the doctor.
‘Sing, sing a song
Let the world sing along
Sing of love there could be
Sing for you and for me…~’
Doctor Moreau could hear 403 softly hum along to the song as her voice gradually became quieter, and eventually turning into soft breathing. The whirring of the surgical equipment and the radio being the only things in the room left making noise. The only remaining step was for Doctor Moreau to approve the procedure to implant the chip into 403’s brain.
“Is there heaven…” the doctor quietly repeated the question to herself, attempting to ignore 403’s startling self awareness of the situation.
"Authorization confirmed, Implant procedure beginning.” A deep robotic voice rang out across the room as the sound of a drill began drowning out the other equipment. Doctor Moreau sat on her chair as she closed her eyes, waiting for the procedure to be done and turning off the radio in the process.
“For me, I don’t think so…Heaven was lost to me long ago.”
...
‘Sing, sing a song
Make it simple to last
Your whole life long~’
The Doctor was snapped out of her melancholy as the music continued playing. Sighing, she moved to turn it off for good.
“Piece of junk is starting to-” She stopped as her finger was about to hit the switch.
The radio was still off.
Listening closely again, Moreau realized the singing was coming outside of the door.
‘Don't worry that it's not
Good enough for anyone
Else to hear~’
Creeping towards the door, the doctor put her ears to it and heard what sounded like a chorus singing. The song wasn’t over the intercom, otherwise the voice would be far clearer.
Instead it sounded like-
A sudden sense of dread hit the doctor as she swung the doors open and ran towards the hangar. Multiple guards and scientists were opening the doors along the long gray hallway, joining Moreau and investigating what the noise was. When they finally got to the railing after the doors slid open, none of them could speak.
‘Just sing, sing a song
(Just sing, sing a song)
Just sing, sing a song~’
Inside the massive hangar stood rows of countless Soldats, giant bipedal machines that stood several meters tall, lined up next to each other as if they were statues. Their bulky legs stood firmly in place and the compact yet slender arms did not move an inch.
The only things moving were their horned box-like heads, slowly moving side to side in perfect sync. Each of the voices emerging from the Soldats were different but singing in perfect harmony.
Their normally offline and horizontal segregated visors were suddenly flickering to life with blue lights, illuminating the large dark room with bright blue rays.
‘La la la la la, la la la la
La la la la la la laaaaa~’
Doctor Moreau could hear the voices of security guards rushing down the stairs to halt the singing, shouting orders at the others to back away.
However, the doctor could only hear their cheerful singing along with her breathing becoming noticeably shorter with each second, feeling her chest tighten.
Once again, the question 403 springed up to the forefront of her mind.
“Is there heaven?”
...
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And that's the first part of the prologue done, hope to have this out soon, and again if you got this far, thanks for taking the time!
See ya soon, and back to the normal content for now!
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Transiting Venus enters Capricorn
Tuesday, January 23 - Friday, February 16, 2024
Venus transits are back to being on the “brisk” side, lasting about 25 days in total length, for the rest of 2024. She’s a trigger now, not an instigator. Transiting Venus will mean a little bit more if you happen to be Venusian (Sun, Moon, &/or an angle in Taurus or Libra; Sun &/or Moon in the 2nd or 7th Houses; natal Venus in close aspect to the Sun, Moon, &/or an angle). But for the rest of us, Venus will need to set off something the slower-moving planets are trying to instigate.
After the adventures of the “Wild Wild West” Venus/Sagittarius, we’re looking for a little control and discipline. Less flailing around, more planning and strategizing. This can be a very snobbish time, especially if our natal Venuses (Veni?) tend to operate on the shallower side.
Bear in mind that the transiting South Node - where we’re getting something wrong - is in Libra, which is ruled by Venus. We need to be a little critical of Venus themes and processes right now, and use Venus’ transits as opportunities to clean up our act.
Art - We can get very snobbish and turn art into a way to enforce “class” divisions. Or, going the “Capricorn miser” route, we disdain all artistic expression as a waste of time, money, and effort. In more positive use of the energy, we put a lot of planning into our artistic expression, and we’re patient and careful about the execution. This is good for launching longer-term projects. (Like the next blanket I plan to crochet.)
Beauty - Sometimes we’ll go out of our way to get ugly; we can’t resist showing our contempt for “appearances.” Other times we twist that Capricorn key phrase “I use” and wield our beauty as a weapon of manipulation. We can try to move beyond a definition of “beauty” as what’s on the surface - &/or make every effort to find the beauty in nature.
Love - This can get transactional: “What’s in it for me?” Sometimes we play games: “If I behave horribly, will they still love me?” This can be an opportunity to prove that love is responsible, patient, and in it for the long haul.
Money - The stereotypes are the miser with all the cash stuffed in the mattress, and the CFO intent on eternally-increasing profits. Dragonish, really, petty little Smaugs all of them. Better to invest with the longer-term in view: we can make improvements to the home, the wardrobe, etc.
Give about a day or so on either side of the following aspects - maybe longer if any of them connect with something in your birth chart.
Saturday, January 27 - Sunday, January 28:
Venus/Capricorn sextile Saturn/Pisces, 6°00’
Venus/Capricorm trine Jupiter/Taurus, 6°59’
Really, really nice; if this dings something in your birth chart I am extremely jealous! The three planets are in a three-way mutual reception - Venus/Cap is disposited by Saturn/Pisces, which is disposited by Jupiter/Taurus, which is disposited by Venus/Cap. This strengthens the aspects considerably. Hard work and good luck join hands.
Monday, February 5 - Venus/Capricorn square Chiron/Eris, 16°10’. Hurt feelings. We may be too cold, emotionally; we may bargain and negotiate in bad faith. If we’ve hurt someone, we should swallow our pride and make amends.
Wednesday, February 7:
Venus/Capricorn square North Node/Aries and South Node/Libra, 18°53’
Venus/Capricorn trine Uranus/Taurus, 19°08’
Venus/Capricorn trine Juno Rx/Virgo, 19°23’
We have an Earth sign grand trine but Venus is square the Nodes. And remember that Venus rules Libra, which is the South Node’s sign. Some of us are going to realize how we get in our own way every time we “go along to get along,” while others will double down on that. Flowing aspects (like trines) aren’t necessarily good aspects - with this one, any social-climbing is going to come back and bite us in the butt. Instead of trying to scheme and manipulate our way into some kind of high-status relationship, let’s try to find ways to improve everyone’s status quo.
Sunday, February 11 - Venus/Capricorn square Eris/Aries, 24°14’. We’re frustrated - perhaps because we didn’t get our own way; perhaps we tried to manipulate matters and got caught; perhaps because “nobody appreciates all the sacrifices I’ve made for them.” Maybe we could learn to do someone a favor without ulterior motives?
Tuesday, February 13 - Venus/Capricorn sextile Neptune/Pisces, 26°09’. Really beautiful. We’re able to put those Neptunian daydreams and fantasies into concrete form. A very romantic Valentine’s Day Eve, with a traditional flavoring.
Note that Venus will enter Aquarius with the proverbial bang: a conjunction to Pluto.
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New York City - It Has Begun…
NYC Begins Handing out Prepaid Debit Cards to Illegal Alien’s re: $53 Million Pilot Program
ILLEGALS WILL get 40% more Food Aid Assistance than Americans Illegals: Americans on SNAP: $12.52 a day $7.59 a day
NEW YORK will spend $15 Billion on Illegal Services • Free Shelter • Free healthcare • Free mental healthcare • Free legal help • ID Cards • Free English classes • Public Education
THE $53 MILLION illegal alien Pilot program is more than… • The Department of Veteran Services receives, $21 Million • The office of National and Community Service, $18 million • The Division of Human Rights, $25 million • The city’s Cancer Services Program, $19.8 million • The program, will provide illegal families of four with two children with up to $350 each week until the end of their stay.
WHERE IS this money going to come from? • Taxes are raised on US Citizens • The state borrows the money and has to pay it back later, with interest. • Take money away from some other social service, often from needy Americans. According to estimates, Illegal Immigration will cost US Taxpayers $150 Billion a year. https://rumble.com/v4luerc-nyc-begins-giving-illegal-immigrants-prepaid-debit-cards-as-part-of-53-mill.html
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Adult Swim
We originally planned to talk about Step by Step during Work, Bitch, and Nini hadn't planned to watch La Pluie until the fall. However, because all of us refused to give up on La Pluie, Nini joined us around episode 8. Both of these shows inspired more writing than we've seen since the heyday of Bad Buddy or I Told Sunset About You. Surface-level engagement was all-but-impossible with either of these shows, and honestly wrung us out more than we were expecting.
It's time for the kids to get out of the pool for the grown folks to talk as Ben and Nini open their third eyes and discuss Step by Step and La Pluie.
Listen on Apple Podcasts!
Listen on Google Podcasts!
Timestamps
The timestamps will now correspond to chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.
0:00 - Welcome
1:15 - Intro
2:08 - Step by Step
4:40 - Step by Step: A Moment of Simping
8:40 - Step by Step: Big Themes
16:52 - Step by Step: The Romance
25:45 - Step by Step: Story Execution
50:25 - Step by Step: Where are we on Tee Bundit?
53:10 - La Pluie
57:50 - La Pluie: The Soulmate Myth
1:08:22 - La Pluie: Lomfon is Rude!
1:13:30 - La Pluie: Tai Also Deserves Some Smoke
1:18:26 - La Pluie: Tai’s Dad Read as Queer
1:20:48 - La Pluie: The Romance
1:32:06 - La Pluie: Depiction of Male Anger
1:35:50 - La Pluie: Treatment of Nara
1:40:47 - La Pluie: The Side Characters
1:44:02 - La Pluie: Sequel Potential
1:46:01 - Outro
The Conversation: Now With Transcripts!
We received an accessibility request to include transcripts for the podcast. We are working with @ginnymoonbeam on providing the transcripts and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader.
We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes. When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.
Please send our volunteers your thanks!
0:00 - Welcome
Nini
Hello, hello! Your QL fandom aunty and uncle are here with giant sunglasses, brown liquor in a flask, a folded five-dollar bill to slip into your hand when no one is looking, lukewarm takes, occasional rides on the discourse, deep dives into artistry and the industry.
Ben
Lots of simping! I’m Ben.
Nini
I’m Nini.
Ben
And this is The Conversation. About once a season, we plan to swan in and shoot the shit on faves, flops, and trends that we’ve been noticing in the BL, GL, or QL Industry. Between seasons, you can find us typing way too many words on Tumblr.
1:15 - Intro
Nini
Hey Ben, what are we talking about tonight?
Ben
Tonight it's time for Adult Swim. Kids: out of the pool! This season led to so much more writing and meta than we've seen in a really long time. There was so much to say about both of these shows that we ended up needing to move both of these shows out of separate episodes and just shove them into one.
Tonight we will be discussing Step by Step and La Pluie, and then we'll return with you all at the end with some final thoughts. Nini and I are bracing for this, because we have a lot to say to each other. [laughs]
Nini
This is gonna be round two of fight night apparently, not on everything but on some things. So you guys stay tuned and we'll see you at the end!
2:08 - Step by Step
Nini
Okay, Ben this time I got my eye black on for you. So let's talk Step by Step. Tell the people, what is Step by Step about?
Ben
Step by Step is a workplace drama that centers around a young man named Pat, who is maybe 25 — there was some confusion about that at the end?
Nini
Shade!
Ben
…who is returning to Thailand after completing some of his graduate studies, and is now working at a large corporation inside of an office tower. He is the low man on the totem pole in the sort of digital division of this corporation, and is having a very difficult time. Very early on, he has a kind of flirty interaction with the largest man who has ever existed in BL, and takes a shine to him, but is disappointed when he realizes he's his boss.
Pat eventually ends up in conflict with his new boss whose name is Jeng…slowly the two of them start to work better together. Jeng ends up putting Pat in charge of a BL advertising project in a mostly queer team, and over the course of the show there ends up becoming this huge misunderstanding between the two of them about whether or not they're on a romantic arc, as the show is also unpacking a lot of really huge themes about where queer people do or don't fit in corporate structures that are more than willing to profit off of them, as Pat and Jeng try to figure out what their relationship is supposed to be.
Nini
I think that was a very fair précis of the plot of Step by Step.
Ben
If you're listening to us and you've watched Step by Step, you may be familiar with the fact that…reactions to the last arc of this show were mixed, to put it mildly. Nini and I ended up falling on opposite sides of the fence on this one, so we have a lot to unpack.
4:40 - Step by Step: A Moment of Simping
Ben
I'm [gonna] let you have this part first: I want you to just go ahead and have your little fun before we get into the big stuff. We can begin with talking about Man Trisanu and how much you really enjoyed his performance.
Nini
His performance, yes, but before we get to his performance…I mean we say in the intro that there is lots of simping on this show, and I've been listening to our old episodes: we haven't simped nearly enough? So I'm just gonna do like a quick two minutes of absolute simping for Man Trisanu, because my god that man is large. That man is so large that for like the first three episodes, every time he came on screen, like my brain made like the boinga boinga boinga sound, like I could not actually focus [laughs] on what was happening — I had to watch episodes multiple times…
Ben
[laughs] She’s just posting awooga gifs in the chat all the time.
Nini
If I was the kind of person who would get embarrassed by this stuff I would have been embarrassed by the way I behaved. But I don't get embarrassed by this stuff, so I wasn't embarrassed by the way that I behaved looking at this man [laughs]...throughout, but especially in the first three episodes. I just kept staring at him. And then as we got like further and further into the show it was very clear that he's also a good actor, so I was invested in the character emotionally? But that also did not stop the fwarh noises in my brain. The man is large. And he's large and he's attractive. And he's large and he's attractive and he's talented. That's basically my kryptonite.
That doesn't mean that I cannot be fair about the show—there are things that I'm gonna say about the show that are not complimentary, even though in the end—I'm just like skipping to the part where I score it, I gave it a 9—there are problems with the show, do not get me wrong. But overall, I found it incredibly enjoyable. And I can't lie to you: Man Trisanu was part of why I found it enjoyable. Not just because he is large and attractive but also because he is quite a good actor. Okay, so I got my yah yahs out.
Ben
Solid 20% of the chat is just Nini going: “THAT MAN IS BIG!”
[both laugh]
Nini
He’s a biggun! [both laugh] At one point I definitely just sent a voice message that said “Timberrrrr!”
Ben
It’s like, it would be Tuesday and everybody's in the chat just, “Lorge.” [laughs]
Ben
In terms of simping, I really like Ben Bunyapol’s work in this one. Nini and I tend to fall on opposite sides of the fence when it comes to…the guys we're attracted to in these shows? Unsurprisingly, she was super into Man and all of his work; I really liked a lot of stuff Ben was doing, and I like Nini's commentary that Ben is definitely someone's problem, right now.
Nini
Oh my god, somebody is staring at the ceiling up at night, like, thinking about Ben Bunyapol because that boy is…I mean, not my style, but I can appreciate good lookin’, I can. That is somebody's problem.
Ben
I really like what he was playing with in this. I really—we'll get into this when we talk about the queer themes in this—I really like the specific type of queerness he portrayed in this. And I know that must have been really difficult to hold with everything else he was doing on the show.
Nini
I concur, he also showed some talent. There’s quite a few newbies in this cast, Ben and Man are both newbies, and you see a little bit of that, but mostly they, I think they acquitted themselves very well.
8:40 - Step by Step: Big Themes
Ben
Since we're disclosing our ratings early in this one: as you all know, Nini gives me a lot of shit on this show about how friendly I am to shows with my scoring? I gave this show a 7.5, because I think the problems in this show make it hard to recommend to people. And the more homework I feel like I have to give people, or pamphlets I have to hand out before they start watching, the harder it is for me to recommend.
However, there are a lot of things to talk about in the show I think are good. And I think because it's Tee Bundit, and we have to talk about how much the sort of…irritated version of queerness that he's carrying around in his work comes through in his stuff? Think we should start with the big themes, because that's what he clearly cared about the most. So Nini, as someone who is thrilled with this show: what are the big themes you think that Tee is going for this time?
Nini
I mean, Tee is a guy who, kind of hits on the same themes in most of his work? And the themes that he likes to hit on are around like, queerness and capitalism, or like around the monetization of queerness and sort of juxtaposing it against the way that queer people are just kind of suffocating under this fog of homophobia. So that's like one of the things that he definitely gets into in this show, like all his other shows.
Another thing that Tee is very into is playing with inside and outside, like perceptions of queer people and how queer people see themselves versus how the world sees them? I think that's a big thing. He loves a family dynamic where everybody knows but nobody says anything, that's another big theme that he's playing with in this. These are the things that show up over and over again in his work, that I tend to respond to. I find it really legible, so I quite enjoy it.
What about you? What kinds of themes did you pick up on?
Ben
The big ideas, like core statements that I can read from this is that: corporations are more than willing to profit off of queer people. They absolutely want to use our talents, our social skills, our managerial skills, and our relationships as well as our lives…to sell shit. But they don't actually want us, particularly in positions of leadership.
Another thing that comes through very clearly is that queer people cannot experience queer joy in environments that demand a very rigid form of conformity. And also, that everything that queer people want for themselves, including their joy, is not something you can have on the timeline of BL. It's going to take literally years for you to find your happiness. Which is so sad!
Nini
One of the things that I think we had discussed a little bit but didn't really delve into is that you feel a cynicism emanating off of Tee that you kind of don't like? I don't know if you wanted to get a little bit more into that, because we didn't really, like, discuss that too much.
Ben
Tee Bundit clearly—oh, there's a man I could simp for. [laughs] I think that man is very pretty, and I like how fucking angry he is all the time. [both laugh]
So, Tee is a director who has a really strong eye. Don't know that he's found an editor who works well with him yet. Or has found a really good screenwriting team to hang out with? But he has a really strong eye, and he very clearly hated being on the TharnType set. That comes through so loudly in Lovely Writer, and you can see that this has affected the way he looks at being an adult professional in so many ways.
Pat is so unhappy in this show. He's so stressed. And Jeng is also so unhappy, because he's so bottled up. It gets a little bit lost sometimes, how specifically pissed off Pat is about everything that's being thrown at him and expected of him. And you can feel that with Tee, that he has to…play to the proclivities of shipping culture, which he clearly despises.
Nini
He's made two shows about it now.
Ben
Quick aside about this, Tee leveled some I think fair criticism of BL as an industry, in that it is profiting off of the appearance of relationships of queer people, but they're all inherently fake, and they're meant to be fake. And apparently a certain set of fans did not agree or like that their ship was used as the example of this, and caused such a stink that they were forced to edit the episode and remove that commentary. And I don't know if this impacted later commentary that may have been in the show. I do not think it would have made the show more legible than it is? But Tee is just so irritated about the inescapability of heteronormativity in his professional life.
You see this for Pat, who doesn't allow himself to even perceive Jeng as someone he could be with, because of the age difference, the class difference, the work difference…and the way that they are queer is very different from each other. You see this with Chot, who seems to be an incredibly talented individual, but is not someone apparently considered for middle to upper management in any way? You've got this with Jaab where he's just like ‘yeah I'm not playing that. I got money, I'm gonna do whatever the hell I want.’
It's so frustrating, because in this show towards the end sequence where they ask Pat to come back for one more ride to try and save this stupid department. They assemble a little team together of queers or queer-friendly people and they end up using everyone's queer adjacent skills in some way shape or form to sell, like, fucking gas stations? [laughs] So they end up having Pat's formerly shitty superior write like, a BL story about looking for, like, a specific fucking juice at the fucking gas station, so that Jaab can very publicly run around on Facebook looking for Jen, the side character he's also pursuing. And then to help pimp this out, they ask Pat to call his ex, who he doesn't want to engage with on this, to help sell this shit—who was also forced to go back into the closet so that he could pretend to be gay with his BL co-star. Which is insane.
Nini
Like when you say it out loud it's like, the levels of bullshit, like Tee is very much about piling on the bullshit. And he's like doing it and pointing to the audience and saying, ‘Look at this! Ain't this some shit? This is the kind of shit that we gotta deal with on the regular!’
Ben
I'm not even done! The head of the company baited them by stripping their marketing budget because he knew his son would use his own money to save this: creating a division between the gays because of lack of loyalty and such. And so like, that comes through fairly loudly.
16:52 - Step by Step: The Romance
Ben
Part of where the struggle kicks in for me with this show is honestly with Pat and Jeng. Like, I have really strong positive feelings about Pat as a character, as an individual, and I have an incredible amount of feelings for Jeng as an individual—and I want to elaborate on those—but like Pat and Jeng as a unit, I feel, was super frustrating and really disappointing in this show, in a way that felt kind of pissy from Tee? Like I feel like…they don't feel satisfying on purpose. And that doesn't sit right with me, because of genre conventions and expectations.
I'll let you talk about Pat and Jeng, because I think you feel a lot better about them than I did.
Nini
Yeah, because I think I had different expectations. I definitely took in at the beginning, or before the beginning of the show, some of the stuff around the show where Tee was very clearly saying this isn't a romance. And as we sort of went through the show, I started to understand what he meant by saying that. I think Tee has a, like a complicated relationship with BL, that much is obvious, and I think in a way, the story that he wanted to tell here—he almost resented a little bit, having to use the romance to tell the story. And it, it shows up on a metatextual level in terms of some of the themes and some of the story points and plot points running throughout the show. He's like, can’t I just tell this story? Why do they have to, like, make out?
There is a tension there, there is a dissonance there. So it's not that I don't understand the problem that people had with it; I understand it entirely. But I was just vibin’. Because…I saw all of that as like, yeah, whatever Tee, like I see exactly what you're saying, but you also put this in here anyway, so I'm gonna enjoy the parts of this that you did put in here. That was my way of dealing with it, and that's why I really enjoyed it—because what he did put in there, for me, between Pat and Jeng? It resonated, because at first it was so much about ‘well this thing can't be and here are all the reasons that this thing can't be.’ It's clear that, like, Jeng is just falling deeper and deeper and deeper, and Pat is just like, I can't, I can't even hear that noise—to the point that he literally drowned the noise out in his own head. To the point where like Jeng actually had to tell him basically, ‘hi, I am actually hitting on you.’ And that, like, it came at the end of like a long tail because also Jeng's very aware that it's, like, an ethical minefield to be hitting on Pat because Pat works for him. So it's just like a swarm of things coming together, in a way that I personally enjoy?
And I, I’ll acknowledge that my enjoyment of this show is extremely personal to just the kind of bitch I am. I just like this kind of, like, dynamics? I like this kind of exceedingly complicated and, ‘this actually is kind of a gordian knot, but still, through that all, I feel the way I feel and you feel the way you feel, and if we could just like figure some of this other shit out—and we're gonna fuck up figuring this other shit out for a while—then it would be solid, it would be golden.’ But like I said, I can completely understand why people wouldn't rock with that. It's dissonant, it's incredibly dissonant, I’m fully aware of that. But I was vibin’. That's just how I feel about it.
Ben
My issue is that the show doesn't say that. And we have to take that as the acceptable read to move on. Like, all of the ideas about how corporate life is evil for queer people are loud themes exemplified through the characters. I was consistently frustrated with Tee in this particular outing, because important gay decisions happen off screen, and that pissed me off. So much of his idea is about how queer people don't get to make choices—and he doesn't show the queer people making the choices they can make.
Like for example, they get together and Pat and Jeng don't discuss what being at work is going to look like for them? Which was so irritating for me, because they don't really know each other? And like I'm totally fine with two bitches just being like, ‘let's just fuck about it for a little while and enjoy this ride while we go.’ But like, they don't say that! Like, we have to take that as meaning, and it irritates me, because he's not subtle about his other shit. It feels a little bit tacked on, because you're supposed to just understand this.
Like—I took that Jeng was broken. I wrote a whole fucking piece about it, about how broken Jeng was by being in the closet as he is, because he lives in a big ass closet. Like his closet was so big I didn't even realize it was a closet, I thought it was an exercise room. No, it's his fucking closet. He lives there, that's insane. But like Pat and Jeng get together, and they don't discuss what being at work is going to be like for them. We don't really see their romance function at all, and they don't give us a sense of the two of them functioning as a pair until the story is over? And that irritates me because what the fuck are they fighting for? Like Jeng is explicitly fighting for the idea of Pat, and Pat is explicitly frustrated that Jeng is trying to manipulate him into the version of Pat that Jeng would prefer him to be. And that is not really confronted in this show. I can't be happy about these two getting together because that particular tension point is just submerged. It isn't dealt with, it's just shoved out of the way. That would have been okay, ‘we're just going to bury this’ is an okay choice, but it's a choice that feels like it happened off screen.
It's frustrating because Pat's choice to break up with the MLM big tall, and his choice to break up with Put happen on screen. Pat processing his complicated post-breakup feelings with Put is executed beautifully on screen. We don't really get a functional version of Pat and Jeng on screen, and it irked me, but it low-key makes me sad, because what if Tee doesn't have enough to pull from in himself to do that properly? But he can handle, like, the painful shit and the breakup shit really well. Like that makes me sad for him…but, like, it irritates me as a viewer. If the desire to be a partner to Pat, and to change because Pat asked him to, is literally the driving force that moves Jeng through the plot—that is text—I hate that when he gets together with Pat, none of the talking about that occurs at all.
Nini
See I had a completely different reaction to that, because to me, from the time that all of that, like, wasn't happening, and then I saw the way that the plot was going, I was just like ‘oh it's a false start.’ That all makes sense to me, like the fact that Jeng spent all this time basically sweatin’ Pat, and finally, like okay, he gets somewhere, he doesn't want to confront the problems. He doesn't want to confront the problems, and Pat doesn't really want to confront the problems because Pat is just, ‘this man wants me, I want this man.’ Like, they don't talk about the issues. They get giddy on each other, they get high, nose wide open, and they don't want to confront the bad shit. So they don't talk about it. It's a false start. They don't talk about it, they don't talk about the fact that they don't really know each other, they don't talk about anything that matters…that to me tells me everything. There's a deep and intense infatuation happening there. And they're burying their heads in the sand about a lot. To me that's deliberate, and that's why it ends up falling apart. It works for me on a narrative level.
25:45 - Step by Step: Story Execution
Nini
I think part of the frustration as well—and I think here we're going to start getting into, like, some of the structural issues—because I said that I did have criticisms about this show. And one of the criticisms that I continuously had was that this show feels like it was edited by monkeys on crack cocaine. There is a lack of a certain amount of cohesiveness to the editing, that makes it hard to follow some of what's happening. Like you have to sit with it and like really train your brain and do one, two, three passes at it, to be like ‘oh yeah, that's what was happening, that's what was happening, that's what was happening.’ So I do take that criticism. I absolutely do take that criticism of the show and I agree with it. That the graph of the show, like the way that it was structured in terms of when the pivot point happens—because it happens almost towards the end—I can see where the frustration comes from, absolutely.
Ben
There's so much in this show that is interesting, but is delivered so haphazardly that you have to work for it. Like, the only useful read I got about the hets and their role in this, was to model what showing up and speaking out looks like versus what sitting on your hands and not saying something looks like. With Khanun and Beam, and their attraction to Ae—who has a baby in a hilariously inaccurate birthing scene…
Nini
[laughs] I’m sorry, you said the birthing scene and I had to crack up, like that was the most like, hand wavy like, ‘I'm a gay man, I don't know how these things work’—like ‘she had a baby, like make it like—do whatever you think having a baby looks like, it's fine, moving on’ [laughs]
Ben
She's pushing the baby! And everybody’s screaming! And POP! It's out! [laughs]
Nini
I don't know how the baby came out, because she was still wearing her pants. But eeehh, let's leave that to the side for now. [laughs]
Ben
I'm okay with that, because everything else was so silly, I get them just not wanting to ask Zorzo to take her pants off.
Nini
There's a thematic reason that Ae has her baby where she does, how she does, when she does, like there's a thematic and a narrative reason for that. But the scene itself is like one of the most cracked-out things I’ve ever seen in my life. [laughs]
Ben
That's the whole problem with the show, like there are good ideas here but like, I don't feel them. I hate that you have to think so hard to get to them. Normally I'm okay with subtext for these sort of things, but…you have to basically rebuild the moments that are occurring in the show so that you can think about stuff.
I ended up frustrated with Jeng by the end, because I feel like his arc peters out. Like there's a, a totally fine read on a lot of these things, but it is so…flat for me. It's fine for a show to make you play with the notion of disappointment? But the disappointment feels…petty, if that makes any sense? Like I don't think the disappointment is built into all the thematic structures. It's just built into the effect that the show wants to engender. It feels a little incongruous, and it's really irritating. I don't mind queer cinema making me feel negative emotions and walk out of a theater going ‘damn, bro.’ I just don't like the way this show is going for that, but also pretending that it's not, towards the end.
Nini
Okay, so here's a thing that we don't normally do, but I think would be useful for this show. So, let's fix it. Our mantra around here is generally: you meet the shows where they are. Right? But: is there a version of this show that you like, and what does that version of the show look like?
Ben
A big problem with this show is, they spend way too much time away from the Jian group office environment. The bubble of the Forge project goes on way too fucking long. The reveal in episode, like, 9? That Pat did not know Jeng was gay this whole time? Is really good, but needs to happen, at the very latest, by episode 8. Because it creates this huge compression effect on the back half of the show, that is so fucking irritating for me as a viewer. The Jeng crying and sad shit is great in episode—10, when that occurs? And like he and Pat get together in episode 11, but the gays need a solid ‘we're going to try to make this work’ episode. You have to put us in the interior of these two settling into each other. We need to understand what we have been yearning for for the whole show up to this point, so that we can understand what they're giving up when they've when they sever—it's romance, they gotta break up, you have to put the characters in a position where they have to figure out, ‘can I go back to the person I was and enjoy my life without this person in my life again?’ The answer is no, because this is fucking romance!—But we need to understand what the romance is and what they're going for.
And all of the development of Pat and Jeng as a couple, that we're supposed to be benefiting from in episode 11 when they're trying to save the stupid little BL project they're working on, feels completely unearned. Yes, I understand that the reason we're not getting payoff is because their relationship is fundamentally flawed as a false start—but it doesn't flag very effectively as one, because we aren't constantly seeing the misfires when they're trying to do stuff romantically together. We need to fully confront the fact that Jeng is brainwashed into thinking that work life integration can work for queer people. It cannot. And we don't get that. So like when they break up, the feeling is like, ‘good, because y'all needed to.’ And not in a satisfying way that another show might have done. We need to move all of the beats from the end of the show back a whole fucking episode.
Also, the decision for Pat to go off and start his own thing, take Chot and Ae, all happens off screen. This is a huge set of choices! Why is Chot running off to be with this twink? Like sure, he's playing fairy godmother in the whole show, but why does he choose to go with him? The audience is left to just figure that out. But so much of this show is about the difficult and complex choices that queer people have to make to survive in a corporate world that doesn't want us. So yes, we can infer that Chot was also frustrated with all this drama at work, and is more than willing to go work with the very talented, very successful little baby gay who showed up at his job, and go off and they gonna get this paper together. I get it. It's fine, it doesn't track as wrong for Chot to do that—but Chot's choice also matters in a show about how queer choice needs to be respected! And they don't show Chot making the choice. Like, the gay choices happening off screen are egregious to me. They need to be unpacked. If the show is about how our choices aren't respected, why aren't we showing the interior decision-making of the choices we're forced to make?
Nini
I'll definitely take your point about where the pivot point of the story happens. It's one of the critiques of this show that I completely agree with. The critical path of this show—like the throughline?—to me is so clear. What happens though, is that the critical path is sort of impacted by…like a bunch of these little side quests. Whether it is that the side quest is too present or too absent, the milestones are happening slightly off schedule. The way that it's sequenced works for me, but the way that things like lag behind or in front of each other are a little…squiffy. In terms of the way that the story is constructed, in terms of some of the things that you feel that you needed to see, or that would have made the story better to be able to see, rather than having to conjure up yourself…like, I get that, absolutely. I don't disagree with that, I think that is a valid and accurate critique of this show. I live in my head a lot [laughs] and so that didn't bother me enough to ding it, but I understand why it didn't work for you, and for a lot of other people.
I think it's just for me that…I was fine with getting pulled along by the story, because I was invested, particularly in Jeng. First they got me with Man being, you know, the size of a barn. And then I started actually paying attention, and they got me with Jeng's character. That's where the show, like, managed to string me along the entire way; I got a hook in, and I'm just like ‘okay, this is what I'm going with.’ But none of the things that you and everybody else is saying about the show are wrong. You're all correct. [laughs] You're all correct. I just…enjoyed it.
Ben
I think for me, both places where this show really broke, and where I really disconnected from this show, were in both of the kitchen scenes, which you loved. Like if we could point to two scenes where things break for me as an audience member? It's the speakeasy scene, kitchen scene—throwing food on the ground, kitchen scene—Pat reconciling with Jeng. It ends up becoming a failure point when Jeng resigns from his company—in his Canadian tuxedo —
Nini
Denim on denim y’all!
Ben
[laughs] And he says to his dad, ‘I have dreams.’ And I'm like, ‘girl, what are they? You ain't said shit for the last three goddamn episodes! What are they? Please sir, talk to the camera, I need to know.’ And like we can infer these things, we can project onto him. I can infer that the restaurant is what's important to him. I can infer that food security for the underprivileged is important to him. But for someone who's as plan-oriented as him, it feels a little weird, that this feels like a undercooked and underdeveloped idea for the character, that's just sort of simmering in the back and I'm like, ‘what, did we even put anything in the pot? Is that just water boiling?’
And so we get to these two kitchen sequences. Chot has chided Pat for not properly receiving someone's feelings, which is an idea that's been all over BL recently, that I'm totally into. Like you can reject people just fine, like you do not owe people any booty at all. But if someone tells you that you're important to them, you should at least acknowledge that they made themselves vulnerable to you, and acknowledge those feelings. Fine, good. Go buy a carrot cake and run to that man. But he goes to Jeng and tries to acknowledge his feelings and Jeng's like, ‘okay, we're together now’ and they make out, and I'm like ‘oh okay, sure, I guess? What? No!’
And this is when the not talking portion kicks in, and then Pat breaks up with Jeng, for what I believe are incredibly valid reasons of feeling like Jeng doesn't trust him or believe in him, because he makes choices for them without consulting Pat. And Pat feels like Jeng is always undercutting him, and Jaab makes a point about this in the final episode—when he doesn't talk to Jen at all? whatever—and says, ‘you kind of manipulated Pat the way Dad manipulated you.’ And I'm like, ‘that's a very, very specific idea, that makes a whole lot of sense, that we're just going to walk away from because this is the last episode—roll the fluff!’
So we get to the second kitchen scene, and I'm trying to accept the emotions of the scene? Of Pat just deciding that he's going to let go of the anger because he really likes Jeng, and he likes what the two of them had together, and he just kind of wants to let it work and figure it out together—the same way I Promised You the Moon ended. And I like that, but it doesn't land here for me? And I ended up really irritated about it. And this is where I get frustrated, like Jeng through episode…10, works for me, but the dead-eyed Jeng of episode 11 and the sad depressive Jeng of episode 12—it feels like he never comes back to life. Which may have been their point, but they went out of their way to try and make me feel like he and Pat are together and they're happy and everything's going to be okay now because they're together in the final episode. It feels unearned, and it feels like they didn't finish the goddamn mission! when it comes to Jeng.
Nini
And for me, it feels exactly the opposite, because those two kitchen scenes are very clearly paralleled, you're absolutely correct: in the first kitchen scene when they're first getting together, they don't talk about anything that's important, they just kind of roll past it. But in the second kitchen scene, they stop, they take a breath, Jeng says, ‘let's talk about this tomorrow.’ He's happy, yeah, but they make a deliberate point of not doing the same shit that they did before. They make a point of saying the things; they make a point of taking a beat; they make a point of taking their time; they make a point of actually talking to each other. And to me that's why it works. I mean it works, as well, for emotional reasons that are just pure, like, me engaging with romantic notions, reasons, and I'll fully admit to that. But to me the fact that those two scenes were so different was kind of the point? And I quite enjoyed that part.
Another problem with the show that I think makes it really not legible for people is the fact that you don't have any sense of the passage of time. Like you really have to work to figure out how much time has passed between any two events in the show.
Ben
And clearly we were on the wrong timeline from the show.
Nini
[laughs] I think they just made a mistake in the last episode. I did a lot of work on the show, but I enjoy that, so I was fine. The timeline is that the first 9 to 10 episodes happen over the course of roughly a year? And then episode 11 is very compressed. I think they do give us a chiron at one point, that you figure out it's like about three months maybe? And then the last episode, it spans years—not just including the time skip, but the actual episode itself.
Ben
It feels like somewhere between three to five years for sure.
Nini
Yeah, the last part of the episode, like maybe the last half hour, is like a series of vignettes? But it's just that the way that it's edited, it doesn't feel like a series of vignettes. It feels like scenes that are happening in sequence, which they're not.
Like I said, the editing of this show, monkeys on crack cocaine and ayahuasca, absolutely. Storyboarding, I'm not sure anybody did any?
I did a lot of work to enjoy the show. But I did enjoy it.
Ben
And I hate that. I hated the sides, like they weren't even in the final episode, they're like ‘yeah we don't care about them, get them the fuck out of here.’ No Khanun, no Jen, just get them out of here. We're gonna be here for an hour and forty two minutes, but the sides required literally zero closure to help stick the landing with the mains? Ugh, man.
Nini
They were there to reinforce thematic ideas, and they leaned way too hard into them as a narrative point when they weren't supposed to be narrative. So yes, completely agree with you, that was a mess.
It's not that I don't agree with you! We're saying that this is a fight night and I got my eye black on, but the reality is that I don't disagree with anything you're saying. It’s just that I was fine with doing that work, and you are not fine with doing that work because you think you shouldn't have to do that work, and that's…yeah, you're probably right about that.
Ben
I'm in the business of recommending things to people because I like enjoying things with people. I will not be showing this to Emily, because I have to explain too much along the way the whole fucking time. And like, I hate that! It shouldn't be this goddamn hard to enjoy the damn show.
I ended up comparing the dissonance around this show to, say, something like 2gether, which I think is remembered fondly because of pandemic stuff, and less because the show is good. Because everybody acknowledges that the show is a goddamn mess, but there's things that they take out of it, they say ‘I really like this.’ And that's how I feel about Step by Step. I loved everything that Man did in this; I think he played a 32 year old repressed gay man really well. But low key…I gotta be honest, I'm a little burned out on feeling a bunch of fucking feelings about sad rich gay boys? Like, the West is obsessed with sad rich gay boys and I am burnt the hell out on it. Like ‘oh no, he's sad, in his penthouse…’ who cares? [laughs]
Nini
I think for me as well, because I've been spending so much time with Turtles’s Asian family trauma lens, that I dug into that side of things, like a little deeply with my brain, and I was kind of enjoying kicking that around to myself as part of this.
Ben
And that’s the thing that sucks! Like Jeng, through episode 10, works so well for me. Like I absolutely loved what Man was doing with Jeng, how he was playing him, how Ben was playing Pat as kind of oblivious to it but unconsciously flirting with Jeng.
We didn't even talk about Up Poompot! Up Poompot was in this show and he whipped ass! Up was so good! Put was an incredible character. So Put is Pat's ex, who was not a great ex to him. This is very clearly a failed first romance on a lot of different levels. Put is ambitious, and he wants a lot more from his life than to just stay in the poor town the two of them grew up in, and he clearly didn't have Pat's skills to go to school…twice, study in America, and come back to Thailand as a highly trained marketing professional who can go into a corporate environment, and even with every goddamn employee in there working on his damn nerves still be the best person that they have on their team. Put doesn't have that: he's pretty and he's charming, and he's an actor. He has to go into BL, and so he can't have a boyfriend. Which is very fucked, that gay people cannot be out in BL. Insane. Put is an incredible character. He is simultaneously deeply unlikable and also incredibly sympathetic. Up is so good in this show.
And I think Ben, who has an incredibly internal character—who really could have benefited from a journal? So that we could hear his thoughts more often—also does a really good job playing someone who is barely keeping it together, and trying to restrain their quick temper. Ben does a good job as a fairly new actor dealing with some really complex internal things that have to be externalized, in a film tradition that leans towards bombastic. That's really difficult to do.
Bruce is in this! Bruce had such a rough character to portray in Lovely Writer, and it was hard to really like that character even if you felt bad for them. So glad we got a character for Bruce that we loved this time in Chot.
Zorzo is in this, she's incredible, we love her. She can do whatever she wants—she shows up on a set and we're just like, ‘hello Zorzo, what do you want to do today?’
It's just so much fun watching this cast work together. Even the new people. Saint had some difficulties with his romantic partner and I think that's because he was new and nervous about doing that right. But he was really really good with Ben: when Jaab was interacting with Pat, Saint was really good, and you can see why he was cast. His chemistry with Ben felt so natural, and didn't read as like weirdly sexual or romantic, which is very easy to fall into in BL when they put literally any boys in the same room with each other.
They did a great job letting queer friendships feel like queer friendships in this show. There's so much that's genuinely good in this show, which is why I feel like I have to give it a 7.5. Like if it had just been kind of bad and muddled? I’d have probably given it an 8 for just pure gumption. But it's frustrating, because it feels like everyone understood what the mission was and the plan fell apart with contact with the enemy immediately, and they did not regroup at all.
Nini
This is sounding like video game stuff.
Ben
I'm kind of pissed! I'm in captain mode right now. I'm assessing the film and going over everyone's screens and we're talking about who fucked up here.
50:25 - Step by Step: Where are we on Tee Bundit?
Ben
The most important thing to ask now is, where do either of us sit when it comes to Tee Bundit and Dee Hup House?
Nini
I am a Tee Bundit fan? I see some of the things that he wants to say. I think that maybe he needs some guardrails? And maybe to lighten up a little bit? Because he has good ideas, and the ideas, he makes them very legible, when he wants to.
I am curious to see how he does with some guardrails. Sometimes an artist needs a few guardrails to really focus themselves. So I am still down with Tee, and I'm interested in seeing the rest of what he's putting out this year. How about you?
Ben
I just want to grab him—like William Shatner in a classic Star Trek episode—by both of his upper arms, and say very clearly: “You got to stop being mean to the audience, bro. They're on your side.” It feels like he's beefing with us the audience, in Step by Step. Like it feels like he resents that the only way he can tell queer stories and get funded is to do queer romance, which I don't know that he's interested in—even though clearly he cares a lot about queer existence. Which is a very complicated space to sit as an artist, particularly with what the zeitgeist is feeling right now?
But I need him to not take that energy out on us as the audience, like we signed up for romance, bro! Stop making us feel bad for wanting that! It just feels like Tee is just mad, and yelling in the room, and we're like ‘I get that you're mad bro, but this is unfun for all of us: we are on your side, and you are taking this out on us.’ He's that friend, who's right…but fuck, dude!
[Nini laughs]
Ben
That's all I've got. It's a chop for me, I'm sorry. [laughs]
Nini
Nah, I mean, sometimes we disagree, my friend, that’s just the way it is. [laughs] For me it’s a 9, for Ben it’s a 7.5, so that works out to…8.25? Yeah, that sounds about right.
Ben
It’s not bad, but it’s not good.
Nini
8.25 for Step by Step, and entry into contention for the Girl You Tried award for this season.
53:10 - La Pluie
Nini
Okay, so we are talking all things La Pluie. Ben, tell us what La Pluie is about.
Ben
La Pluie is a sort of speculative fiction romance, set in a world very similar to ours, where a small subset of the population experience temporary sensory loss whenever it rains as a form of deafness. Of that incredibly small population, an even smaller portion of them, when they come of age—which is 20 in Thailand—they may begin to hear another person's voice whenever it rains. Those people are seemingly tied to each other by this rain-based connection and other people have described them as soulmates.
Our protagonist Saengtai is a 22-year-old who experiences rain deafness. He has three brothers, one older, and both of his parents are what people call soulmates. When he turned 20, his parents wanted him to know that they were getting a divorce, and this shattered Saengtai’s faith in the concept of soulmates, and he spent the next two years actively avoiding speaking to his soulmate at all. Two years later, he happens to run into him in a cafe, realizes his soulmate is hot, and then [laughs] decides to maybe give it a shot. And the show becomes this ongoing exploration of the concept of romance itself, unpacking whether or not the soulmates concept is real, portrayed by incredibly emotionally aware characters.
Our primary four characters are: Saengtai, our protagonist, who's a writer. Patts, his soulmate, who is a veterinarian, and slightly older than him, and very cool. You have Saengtai’s little brother Saengtien, who’s kind of a rascal, who does not have rain deafness but very much believes in the concept of soulmates. And then there's Lomfon, a boy who is also in school with Saengtien, who adamantly refuses to believe in soulmates, and causes his own problems along the way. There's quite a colorful cast of supporting characters, and this is probably…the most legible show that we've ever watched? From the very first scene, this show is nothing but constant payoff.
Nini
Hmm, I don't know about from the very first scene, because as you know, it took me a few episodes to kind of get there. I started and stopped, and then had to be cajoled back in [laughs] and I do not regret coming back in. The line on this for me is that I think soulmates are bullshit. I've never been a fan of this soulmate trope—in the first episode or two, I'm just kind of like, ‘I don't know that they're gonna do anything interesting with this’ and then sometime around…it was definitely around episode 4, and I know it was around episode 4 because isn't that when Tai bit that man? We're gonna talk about this, Ben.
Ben
[laughs] Tai did bite that man, in episode 3.
Nini
Tai, my precious little alley cat, that was when I decided I was in [laughs] and I was gonna keep watching. I mean he literally got drunk and bit Patts, and I was like, ‘okay this is gonna be fucking awesome.’ Who bites somebody??
Ben
Someone unhinged!
Nini
Exactly, that's the point! And you know I love unhinged, so I was in for the duration after that. That was like the end of episode 3 when he bit him? And then episode 4 it just keeps getting better.
57:50 - La Pluie: The Soulmate Myth
Ben
Let's get properly into the soulmate stuff. I stand by my comment that this show begins paying off from the very first scene. We read the blurb, we get our little intro, and he's like ‘we got soulmates in this world; I can't hear when it rains; there's a boy who talks to me when it rains,’ and we were like ‘whoa man, these two are gonna fuck real good!’ And then the show opens with divorce. And I was like, ‘never mind, I am seated!’
Right away, the show is telling you that it is going to challenge the presumptions built into its core premise. It spends the entire time interrogating its premise, with really legible characters. And I think you provided the clearest read on the sort of primary archetypes these characters fit, when you described them in the framework of faith. So, please elaborate on your analysis.
Nini
The key thing all our characters, our key characters are dealing with in the show, is whether they believe in soulmates or not? So you have Tien, who is absolutely a true believer, 100% believes in soulmates, no matter what has happened to potentially shake his faith in soulmates he totally believes in it. Then you have Tai, who I described as an apostate, because Tai used to be a true believer and then his faith was shattered, and so he's sort of gone against believing in soulmates. In terms of their love interests, you have Patts, who is sort of agnostic on the idea? ‘Eh, I don't know, maybe soulmates are real, maybe they're not, doesn't really matter to me. I don't know what to believe but I'm not going to let it affect what I'm doing, and this is the way I feel about things.’ And then you've got Lomfon, who is an atheist: not just an atheist, like a rationalist atheist. He's just like, ‘soulmates are bullshit, I don't buy this, I don't believe in anything that this is happening here.’ And then what the show does with those four viewpoints is sort of, brings them all around to a kind of agnosticism? So in the end, they kind of all get to where Patts started.
Then one of the things the show does towards the end, really at the end, is bring Patts around to being…sort of a true believer? Not necessarily in the sense of the rain deafness connection being a soulmate connection, but believing in the idea of having a soulmate. I don't think that's in any way related to the rain deafness connection at all, but more about choices and the way that he feels about Tai, and the way that Tai feels about him and the relationship that they are building. I found that really interesting, where in the end everybody kind of comes around to the agnostic viewpoint, Patts is the one who moves towards a, a believer, but not in the whole myth.
Ben
I think what works for me really in the show, when it comes to the belief in soulmates or not, is…the show understands that belief without action is meaningless. In the case of Tai and Lomfon, their choices and inaction create immense harm for the people around them that they claim to care about. In the case of Tai, he hurts Patts, for years, with his silence. Like it is totally fine for him to want to work out his comfortability with the rain-based connection privately and on his own time, but he owed it to Patts to say that. Even just, ‘I'm uncomfortable having you in my head, please don't talk to me when it rains.’ That's all he had to say. It's the silence that was really cruel for me. He's hurting Patts and punishing him, because his parents let him down. That's really shitty.
Lomfon glomps on to Tai, for whatever reason, and just determines he's supposed to be with Tai. Actively ignoring the growing relationship between him and Tien, hurting everyone along the way. Whereas Patts and Tien are both actively treating people with immense kindness and care, because of how they believe and how they move through the world. Tien cares a lot about his brother: he knows his brother was hurt by what happened to their parents, and he gives excuses for him and he tries to take care of his brother, he tries to make himself small to take care of his family and the people around them, even if he's a little bit feisty. And Patts, who maybe doesn't care about the soulmate shit at all, sees Tai once: is like, ‘whoa, I am inextricably drawn to this person,’ and pursues him very kindly. The people with the most angst about whether or not this shit is real are the ones doing the most harm to other people. It's the people who are most pissy about faith being the worst in their relationships.
Nini
Look at us here being a couple of lapsed Catholics on the podcast.
[both laugh]
Nini
There is so much that the show wants to say about that idea of faith without works being dead. So much that the show wants to say about the relationship between chance and choice. I think the show itself is agnostic on whether soulmates are real? But I think the show does also say: there is some mix of chance and choice in romance. You ran into this person in a coffee shop—that's chance. But what you do next is choice.
There're little things sprinkled throughout, like Patts and Tai finding out—once they've decided to be together—finding out that they actually had a connection from earlier on, because Patts's grandmother used to live next door to Tai. So when Tai's parents split up and he was like really sad and depressed about it, Patts saw this kid crying, and he just decided to be kind to this kid, and he helped Tai through, like, the immediate aftermath of his parents' divorce. And in return for that kindness, Tai sort of helped him through the death of his grandmother? They never saw each other's faces or anything like that, this was a happenstance. This was a chance encounter, through Patts's kindness and Tai’s kindness in return, that became a connection between them. Again, chance and choice. It was by chance that Patts saw this kid crying, but it was a choice to be kind to the kid next door.
That's threaded throughout the story in different parts, this idea that chance brings you to the table but choice determines what happens when you get there.
Ben
I feel very strongly, as a lapsed Catholic, that none of the beliefs matter if you're just trying to be right. What matters is how you treat people.
Nini
The show is more interested in the choices than the chances, but it does put the chances sort of in there. You know that the show is interested in the choices because of the way that it deals with the parents, and the parents divorce, and how the parents have made it through their divorce and continue to be people who are together in dealing with their children, who still talk to each other when it rains, who have moved out of a romantic phase and into a platonic phase in their lives. To the point where the mom can get remarried to somebody who is more suited to her, and this doesn't affect their friendship.
I really enjoyed the aspects of the show that really harped on the idea of choice, and choosing how you're going to build a relationship with somebody whether it is romantic or platonic, rather than fate putting somebody in your path and that feeling like a predetermination of who that person is going to be to you. That's why in the end, I did come around to La Pluie after not being interested at the beginning. They fucked with soulmates, and I like that.
Ben
I feel the need to rant.
Nini
The floor is yours, sir. Speak directly into the microphone.
Ben
I'm so glad that this show ended by saying that the soulmate stuff was a trap. It was really frustrating to see everybody caught up in the soulmate stuff, and the mechanic of that, as this verification tool. Maybe it's the whole lapsed Catholic thing and having a very complex relationship with faith and doubt? Because I got the whole notion that the purpose of all of this is about choice. It's about what you do with the opportunities you're given, and how you treat the people when you're there.
It was really frustrating to watch so many members of the audience just really struggle with this show, because they needed the soulmates thing to either be bullshit, or to be confirmed. I really like that the show very politely sidesteps answering that, because what matters is how people treat each other. The opening scroll of the show is a happy couple that is a guy with rain deafness hanging out with somebody who is not. Like these things were legible from the beginning for me, and it was so…tedious, week in and week out, dealing with the, like the weather report: “Are the soulmates real this week?” Stop.
Nini
Since we're ventilating the show's take on soulmates so to speak…
1:08:22 - La Pluie: Lomfon is Rude!
Ben
Yeah, let's talk about somebody who clearly got it wrong, in the show!
Nini
[laughs] Let's talk about Lomfon getting that ass beat, and why it was absolutely necessary.
Ben
We're gonna begin where we always sat: Lomfon is rude! And Patts should have punched him harder.
Nini
[laughs] I like just, I heard like a million people just turning the podcast off at this point—but it's, it's true, it's a fact.
Ben
Look, I do not care. Here's the thing: Lomfon is beefing with people for no reason, from the jump. He's beefing with Tien in the store over a goddam magazine. He's beefing with other classmates. He has no goddamn friends.
Nini
He was rude to Bow! He was rude to Tai's boss, and he likes Tai, and he still couldn't muster up like a shred of interest in anything she was doing, or even general politeness to shake her hand and say hi how you doing. Rude!
Ben
He only cares about what he's thinking about, there's no regard for other people. Like yeah, sure. He's like, 20. And like, kids gotta grow up at some point. But also, tastin’ a little bit of fist will reorient your life a little bit sometimes.
Nini
[laughs] True!
Ben
He's just so dramatic! There's this development over the course of the show, where Tai ends up with two different soulmates with connections to him. Lomfon is like, ‘I'm hearing Tai’s voice when it rains.’ Instead of, like sending, like a group text, saying, like, ‘hey, I believe something very strange may have happened to me, I think we should all meet up next Sunday at four o'clock—because I've checked the weather and we should all be together for this.’ And they could have handled this like adults and talked about stuff. No. Lomfon is rude and selfish, and so he needs to corner Tai in the rain, kiss Tai, and be like ‘whoops, my bad!’ And then when Patts rolls up on him throwing haymakers, he's like ‘whoa bro, no, he's mine!’ He's yours? Little boy. Please.
I got a lot of smoke for this motherfucker, I got some notes over here. This dude hung out with Tien at a cast party, cuddled with drunk Tien, calls his brother because Tien needs a ride home—and then while Tien is mostly unconscious, flirts with his older brother? Gross.
Nini
He's in his own zone. He's not thinking about anybody else, he's not interested in whether what he does affects anybody else and how it affects anybody else. And it takes, yes quite frankly, a jaw rockin’, for him to get his head out of his ass. Completely concur that it was needed.
Because I mean, think about this okay? Even if he actually liked Tai—which he doesn't really—does he think that this is the way to go about getting Tai? Let's ponder this for a second, just a short second, okay? It doesn't even make sense. And then, he thinks that maybe he might feel something for Tien, he doesn't know…but instead of, I don't know maybe, hm! going on a date with Tien instead of Tai—like there's so many other ways that Lomfon could have gone about what he went about. He just did it in the messiest way possible. Everybody was already telling him, ‘look I'm seeing what you're doing here and I'm gonna need you to take a step back.’
Ben
Tien picked up on it because they were on that mountain, and he saw Lomfon starting shit and looking at his brother, and he pulled that motherfucker aside, he said, ‘I am a third son, bitch, I will bury you on this mountain! Don't ever look at my brother again! Their relationship is theirs, and if you fuck with them one more time, they will not find your fucking corpse on this mountain.’
Nini
Everybody who saw it told Lomfon, ‘yo, you need to mind your own business.’ And if they didn't tell Lomfon, they told Tai—so Bow told Tai, ‘look, Lomfon’s up in your business. You need to say something and get that kid away from your business.’ Tien told him mind your own business. Patts told him mind your own business—because Patts definitely knew that Lomfon had a crush on Tai.
Ben
And Lomfon’s like, ‘well I heard Tai's voice in the rain, so now it's my business,’ and instead of talking to Tai properly, he's going to go like beef with Patts and be like I'm taller than you, so.
[both laugh] That boy got on my goddamn nerves! Like, he's an excellent character.
1:13:30 - La Pluie: Tai Also Deserves Some Smoke
Ben
Let's talk about how Tai needed that ass whooped too.
Nini
That's what I was about to say, like, we're on Lomfon and Lomfon deserved it, but Tai also deserves some smoke and I'm here to give it to him. Tai, baby boy. Patts carried you down that mountain after you ran up there in the first place offa some bullshit. He had to carry you back down that mountain, y’all come back down the mountain as boyfriends. You looked at that man in the car and told him ‘I want to stay over at your place tonight’ and that man beat land speed records to take you back to his house. You literally got the booty in every single room in that apartment.
And then you decide to go on a date-not-date with Lomfon? I feel like it was a little bit too—like he was slightly flattered?
Ben
Let me just read Tai his rights. [Nini laughs]
This man, after finally getting what he thinks he's wanted this whole time, realizes there may be a situation going on with his brother's friend. He coulda asked his brother, like at any moment: ‘yo what's up with Lomfon, like Bow is already saying dude was sniffing around, and he asked me you to do some sort of thing, and I dunno how I feel about it. What's up with you and your little friend?’ And Tien could have been like ‘oh noooo, I actually like him, why is he doing this like?’ He could have solved this any number of ways that were less dramatic than ‘let me lie to my boyfriend because I'm worried how he's gonna handle knowing that this little dude is sniffing around’—as if he didn't already know.
It is so frustrating that Patts—who is clear from the beginning that his primary concern was Saengtai’s comfort and happiness—for Saengtai to just actively ignore this man's vocalized needs. Man is telling you, he wants you to say the things. And you're like ‘well, don't my actions show it?’ No baby boy, because you're out here with some other dude in the middle of the motherfuckin’ rain, and you need to do better.
And then! That boy is at his mom's wedding. Your dad has said he is happy for her. He likes the guy that she's gonna be with, and he's happy for the life that they're gonna have. And this boy ruins their wedding, making it all about him, because he's mad that his parents’ soulmate thing didn't work out. Oh I was so mad at that boy.
He was so frustrating as a protagonist sometimes, because he just shits on all the relationships in his life. He shits on his mom. He’s low key shitting on his dad. He relies on his little brother too much without really paying attention to him in a meaningful way, and he beats up on Patts. And he does the same thing to Bow, like he works with Bow. She's clearly covering for him at work. Because he works with a bunch of other people and refuses to ever learn their names or really engage with them.
Nini
This is not to say that we do not love my little alley cat Tai, but he is a fucking alley cat. [laughs] He has the predisposition and morals of one, quite frankly. Like he's scratching and biting…in some ways he's just as rude as Lomfon. But like, you see where all this stuff comes from. And you want him to like, just for a second like, dude, retract the claws, and stop making decisions for people that are more about what you want and what you're interested in than what they want and need and have said that they want and need.
Ben
This is what I mean, like, the show being legible and saying the same thing the whole time. Like, as early as episode 2 Tai is like, ‘hey I found my soulmate,’ and Tien says quite plainly, ‘you fucked with love: unfuck it.’ And when he finally has that confrontation with his parents where they show him the complexity of human relationships, where his dad also says, ‘when you have love you need to take care of it.’
It's so funny, like, for all that Tai is obsessed with his dad, Tien is the one who picked up on his dad's, like, core skills. And Tai is so much like his mom, I'm really glad the show finally recognized that towards the end. Tai recognizes that he's doing to Patts what his mom was doing to him: not giving him any information, leaving him to suffer in silence without giving him the context that he's desperately needing. And it showed a lot of growth that he finally got his ass together, and spent the whole episode running around looking for that man, because goddamn.
1:18:26 - La Pluie: Tai’s Dad Read as Queer
Ben
I wanna get this aside in here, how Tai's dad read as queer to me the whole time, I don't know if he did to you?
Nini
He did, but I didn't know if that was the actor or the character.
Ben
I think it may have been both, and I think I like the way the show handled it. I think it was very useful for subtext to show that Tai's dad is queer? And to not confirm it at the text level. Because La Pluie is not interested in structural homophobia. But I thought it was a really interesting premise to consider what happens if a straight person and a gay person think they're soulmates. What happens if a man who knows who he is goes into a straight marriage, loves his sons, loves his wife, but they can't work, because they can't be the kind of partners they need to be to each other. Which is exactly what the show says, without saying it’s because the dad was queer.
And I think I really like the show leaving that as subtext for us to consider? Because the show does such a great job at building emotionally intelligent gay relationships otherwise.
Nini
I think there were lots of markers for it, like there were markers in the character themselves, there are markers in the relationship that the father and the mother had, the way that the mother was the breadwinner and the father was the caretaker. There are markers in the father's chosen profession, he's a chef. There is a, sort of a marker in this idea of him being—I think it was a private chef to some ambassador and spending a lot of time with this ambassador? All of these are things that I picked up on, and I don't know if they were easter eggs or if they were just throwaways, but there were lots of like tiny little markers.
Ben
And also him being the one to actually say that they should break up.
Nini
Yeah, there, there are lots of tiny little, like I said, could be read as markers, could just be coincidental, but the show is so well constructed that I am loath to leave it to the idea of coincidence.
Ben
I agree. I think it's well done.
1:20:48 - La Pluie: The Romance
Ben
Tai needed to get his shit together, because as far as I'm concerned Patts is maybe the most perfect romantic interest that BL has ever created. And that also feels really intentional for the themes that they're unpacking.
Nini
La Pluie is a romance novel. Like, if you look at the way it's structured, the way it's organized, La Pluie is a romance novel that is sort of an anti romance novel, almost? And in a romance novel, the love interest is essentially perfect. If they have a flaw, it's something that is, ‘my only flaw is that I care too much’ or some shit like that, you know, that kind of thing? [both laugh]
Patts fits into that mould in a way, but it's also subverted a little bit? So, he's handsome, he's a vet, he is kind to animals, he’s kind to people. He's very sweet, he is a hundred percent into Tai.
Ben
He drives a Porsche. He has a very nice apartment.
Nini
[laughs] He's rich. You know what I mean? All the markers of like the perfect romantic hero.
Ben
He has no family drama.
Nini
None whatsoever…he has a little tragic backstory with grandmother dying…like he’s the perfect romantic hero in a trope sense. Listen, I think sometime around the time that Tai bit that man— and yeah I'm still not over it—
Ben
He did bite that man.
Nini
I remember saying to Ben, ‘oh so like Tai’s an alley cat, but Patts is a literal angel.’ Because after he bit that man and then he threw up on him, still that man took him home, let him, like, lay in his bed. He gave him clothes, left him alone to change his own clothes, and then in the morning when he woke up hungover and couldn't remember shit, he woke up and there was a note because he had cleared out, he didn’t wanna make him feel awkward or anything like that. He cleared out, he left a note saying all the things that he did the night before, because he didn't know if he was going to remember…He was perfect about it. He was such a gentleman.
Ben
As one of the leaders of the Patts defense squad, I'm gonna have to lead a charge for my boy. Because my man is the best communicator. He clearly understands that something is wrong with his soulmate, doesn't pressure him to talk to him; just talks back to him, tries to be kind to him, tries to say nice things to him. Eventually sees a guy who he wants to pursue. He does not know that it’s Tai. But the first thing he does that night is like, ‘hey I don't know what's going on with you, but I saw the cutest boy that has ever existed, and I'm gonna pursue him, so uh, deuces!’
So they end up at this club, Tai gets low-key abandoned by his friends, so Patts takes care of him. Tai bites that man, tries to bite him again. Later that night starts fussing with Patts, accusing him of being a player, and then makes out with him! Like yes, he was drunk, but—makes out with him! Like bro! Patts starts pursuing him earnestly after that, by leaving the note. And then Tai, who does have communication skills and social skills, does the cutesy thing you would do in a movie. He's going to return the fucking clothes to Patts in a cute little bag waiting outside his job. And the two of them go out on the cutest little date, full of all sorts of great stuff.
Also, like, I haven't talked about it that much here: Title is really really good. I love the way Title and Pee both play their characters in this show. The way Title played Tai during that dinner they had? Was so good. At one point when he asks Patts, ‘do you always eat like this?’
Nini
And he points with the knife?
Ben
And he points with the knife, it is so, so perfect! And Patts is so clever. Like Tai wants to hang out and they want to go on the date and he's like, ‘let me not…bullshit about who I am.’ They ride in his Porsche to a fancy restaurant that Patts clearly frequents regularly because the staff recognizes him. He hands Tai the menu and asks Tai what he wants. Tai, who also has social skills and is like ‘I don't know about this, I don't know what the rules are here,’ decides not to make the choice on ordering something, ‘cause he's not trying to hit him up style. So he passes the choice to Patts, and then Patts makes a neutral choice by just saying ‘we'll have whatever the chef’s special is for the day.’ By making the neutral choice to just accept the chef’s special, even though Patts picked the place, he is making sure Tai understands that Patts will not be forcing him to do anything.
I just really love their date, like there's so much there; Patts is really charming, he's funny…and then moving along, the next thing Tai does, which is insane, is introduce Patts to his dad without warning. And the dad ain't shit either, picking on Patts the whole time.
Nini
[laughs] It was funny.
Ben
He hangs out with their dad, and immediately Patts’s instinct is to show the proper respect to Tai’s father. He doesn't get in the middle of their fight. He doesn't ask about it. He just sort of gives them a way to end the fight now, he politely asks about Tai and his other brothers, giving Tai a chance to talk about his family if he wants to. They go back to Tai’s place. Patts, not really thinking about it, walks in on Tai while he's changing, gets to see all the goodies. And then they have this intense moment, and they end up making out on the floor.
I want to make a special note here about La Pluie: La Pluie is one of the first BLs that I can really remember, ever, that when there is a moment of intense sexual tension, releases it. So often these shows just bait us. They titillate us, they want us to get all hot and bothered about ‘whoa, they's ‘bout to kiss’ and then they interrupt it with some nonsense. Or they just don't do anything with it and they tease us and they make bits out of it. And as much as I enjoy these shows, it was so refreshing to see a show go, ‘what if we release it? What if they actually start making out on the floor? What then?’
I get frustrated a lot of times in BL about how they make these boys dickless. And there's this really lovely thing in La Pluie that Patts’s concern was Tai's pleasure. But they stop, because Tai isn't ready. And though Patts was a bit caught up in the moment, he catches himself. And they back off, and they have a conversation about what else is going on. Patts learns a little bit more about Tai—low key they played with some of the yaoi framing in that moment, because as big as Pee is, he crouches himself down and makes himself lower than Tai, and is kind of looking at, up at him in cute ways—because you'd expect Patts to be maybe the seme in this sort of framing—and they do that early on by putting Patts on the left with the date shit when Tai goes to see him, but Patts is queering that narrative by intentionally moving himself to the right when he's trying to get closer to Tai.
When they're on their Chiang Mai trip, one of the most insane things this show does that I will never get over, is…they’re sharing the bed, both of them are awake. They know what's going to happen, we know what's going to happen, but everyone knows Tai is not exactly ready, because we haven't climbed that mountain yet. We haven't dealt with the core angst. We're both two men who are very attracted to each other, and we know we're attracted to each other—so they start to get hot and bothered, but Tai has them stop again, and Patts, our strongest soldier, pulls himself back again. But Tai, listening to his good sis Bow, is like ‘I can't keep leaving this man hanging, I can't keep starting these things and then not finishing it.’ He offers to blow Patts and it was very explicit that that's what happened. We know!
It's so impressive to me that this show presented Tai giving Patts head as a way for him to maintain control over a sexual encounter. The whole notion about giving pleasure as a form of control is something we have not really seen explored in BL this way. I really liked that this show focused on the different ways that two men are going to become more physically and sexually comfortable with each other over time. And even after everything, after Tai has cast him aside, he still chooses to go back to Tai and try and reconcile with him, because he did lose his temper. And that was a scary moment. And I think I like that Patts losing his temper was made as jarring and scary as possible in the show, because I feel like really perfect characters need to have this intense rage about them. Because I have never met a chill pacifist in my life. The choice to be kind is so hard in a world full of cruelty, and I like that underneath the surface of Patts is a temper that he has to manage and maintain. I love my man.
Nini
I can't remember who it is, somebody put this on Tumblr: that Patts is kind but he's not always nice, and Tai is nice but that he's not always kind.
Ben
Exactly.
Nini
Tai seems like, you know, gentle and soft. But when it comes down to it, Tai is the one in the narrative who's actually kind of cruel? It's very interesting to put that on a romantic protagonist. How it ends up getting read is incredibly interesting, because that person is the romantic protagonist, it ends up getting…cast aside, and here I go back into Calvinism and the green flag label [laughs] that I thought I had ventilated with Bed Friend.
Ben
[laughs] As soon as you said that my third eye opened, and I was like—
Nini
Here I go again!
Ben
Where—where's my bat?
[both laugh]
Nini
I didn't get this out of my system the first time, somehow. But yeah, the way that that's received in a protagonist, the fact that the protagonist is kind of a little bit of a bitch boy, quite frankly [laughs], gets glossed over, and then the person who made a mistake has it sort of loom large.
1:32:06 - La Pluie: Depiction of Male Anger
Ben
I got a little bit mad about that with the fandom too like, we got all this bending over backwards week in and week out for Lomfon's rude ass and Tai’s rude ass. Patts loses his temper once, punches a boy, punches a wall, and we're like ‘oh! he's dangerous!’ And I'm like, ‘I hate this!’
And there's a lot more I want to unpack here in the future — this does not feel like the right time to do it, but we really need to talk about that at some point, as a community that engages with romance? Because we have a really fucked-up relationship with violence. Like, Patts, not leaving a mark on Lomfon was seen as egregious. Punching a door in frustration was seen as egregious. But like, Bad Buddy opens up with Pran shit-kicking Pat to the fucking ground, as these boys beat the shit out of each other!
Nini
I think like, it's a lot of things. It's a question of who gets to be angry, and how anger is portrayed, and men's anger, and the way that women—because of the way that we have to be socialized to protect ourselves, the way that we view men's anger that is sort of slightly different from how men will view men's anger? And how being familiar with certain kinds of angry expressions from men is, like, one of the reasons that women shrink from that kind of stuff. And there's so many women in BL fandom.
Like I understood where that was coming from, but at the same time, the show is so legible. It's very legible that this is Patts…reaching the end of his rope, and it's very clear in the show that Patts would never actually hurt anybody. [laughs] He doesn't even really hurt Lomfon. Lomfon is fine! He gets his ass kicked a little bit, but he's fine!
Ben
As our great friend wen-kexing-apologist pointed out, this show has a makeup budget. My boy Tai got his shit fucked up on that mountain, and the makeup crew made sure he looked messed up even in that wet filming situation. They could have afforded to make that boy's mouth bruised the way it should have been for talking the way he was, and my man doesn't. And that's the thing that gets me. Like, everybody else is allowed to be an asshole, but Patts, who I believe deserves to be righteously angry about this shit going down at this point in their relationship—and it's like ‘aw, geez, I don't know about that brah.’
We see, through Patts’s relationship with Nara, that he would never actually hurt Tai. And that's why the intensity of his frustration I think should have been the focus, not the expression of it. I really resented the way it felt like everyone suddenly wanted to regulate Patts’s frustration. I hate the whole notion that he is only allowed to be upset in an attractive, gentle way. Because he's been gentle the whole goddamn time, and everyone has been so rude and disrespectful of him.
Nini
Like, there is room to talk about the expression of Patts’ frustration, but you can't have that room if you're using it in a reductive manner to just completely kick him out the window as a character. I don't buy that, I don't subscribe to it.
1:35:50 - La Pluie: Treatment of Nara
Ben
With Nara, we saw that Patts is capable of dealing with difficult romantic situations. Because Nara is treated so sympathetically about everything that went down with her and Patts. How she feels frustrated about Patts’s soulmate connection with Tai, long before they start talking, I think is valid. Because she felt frustrated. She felt frustrated that anytime it rains, Patts gets moody, and it feels like somebody else is in the middle of their relationship. And you got the sense from them accidentally making out in the rain one time, where Patts immediately cut it off and apologized, that he didn't want to put Tai through that, even before he knew who Tai was. I got that Nara felt frustrated that her intimacy was scheduled around the goddamn rain. She felt an innate jealousy in her own relationship that she knew she was struggling with and couldn't exactly cope with. It wasn't fair to either of them. Patts is like, ‘look if I can get rid of this I would, because I do care about you.’
Nara takes some time. She gets to reflect, she decides to grow. She knows that it's hard out here in these goddamn streets, and Patts is a keeper, and she tries to do the big romantic gesture. And that's why Tai liked her! Because that boy loves big romantic gestures! And Patts lets her down, he apologizes, he's like ‘I'm sorry I may have led you on, I want things to be okay between us. Because what happened between us was real, it mattered to me, and I still care about you even if I can't give you my heart like that anymore.’ Yeah, “we should stay friends” is kind of a cliche, but it feels earned here.
And I also like that Nara got to be disappointed and heartbroken and upset about it too. I liked that people cared about how she felt. They wanted to reintegrate her into the group. The other vets liked Nara, even if she wasn't going to be Patts’ girlfriend anymore. But they understand that in the breakup, they're Patts’s friends. And you know those people respect relationship dynamics, because they didn't just look to Patts to see if Nara was okay to be around, they look to Saengtai, to see how the new person was going to feel about that—particularly because he just ran up a fucking mountain because of her—and he says it's okay, and they were so eager to reintegrate her into the group.
And then she and Dream get to get rolling. And they let us have them at the end! She was like, ‘look, we only got five minutes left in this show, if you going to get this shit you better come correct and you better come now.’ And I loved that! Because the girlies deserved it.
Nini
She said, ‘I'm grown, give it your best shot.’
Ben
I saw some frustrations with the ending, and how a lot of the episode was Tai running around by himself, and meeting some random characters at the end, and…us not spending a lot of time with Patts, like Patts not really talking at the end? But it works for me. Tai had to deal with the silence, for the first time—that he inflicts silence on so many people, and now he's the one who has to sit in the shit that he made.
And I liked him meeting a couple that had challenges to deal with in their relationship, and being told once again, ‘you just got to do the work bro, you gotta talk to each other, you gotta listen to what your partner is saying to you.’ And I like that the final scene with Tai and Patts is Tai not hesitating.
Man! This show was so rewarding to watch because it wasn't trying to trick us.
Nini
The show was wearing its bona fides on the tin. It was very clear where it wanted to go, what it wanted to do. It wasn't playing with us. It wasn't trying to gotcha with us. It was just laying out its central idea, and continually reinforcing it throughout the story and the narrative for the entire way through.
Does that make it, like, unpredictable and exciting? No. But it made it really enjoyable to watch: to watch something lay the path, and then walk the path, was more fun than it, I expected it to be, I have to say.
1:40:47 - La Pluie: The Side Characters
Nini
And, when we're talking about laying the path and walkin’ the path—man, let's just get to it, let's talk about Tien and Lomfon.
Here are the polar opposites, okay, because in Tai and Patts, like you have an agnostic and an apostate, like they're not as far apart as somebody like Tien and Lomfon, who are a true believer and a total atheist. How do they get to the middle? All the shit that happens in the middle, especially, [laughs] how do they get through that and find their way through each other? Basically, Lomfon has to grovel, and I enjoy a good grovel, so I had a great time.
Ben
Here's the thing. My boy Tien deserves so much more than he got. My man initiated a gay pinky touch, and then Lomfon, was like, ‘hm! I don't know what's going on, but I know that I have these special signs from the universe about this stupid key chain, that I need to go kiss this boy's brother, not the one reaching out with the gay pinky touch while taking care of me while I'm sick, twice!’ I'm gonna stay mad at this man. [both laugh]
This man ruined a gay pinky touch. Tien is so patient with both of them. Like Patts is beating up Lomfon, Tai is screaming at the universe, clearly suddenly they can all hear in the rain, Tien doesn't know what's going on—but he cuts through the bullshit right away with Lomfon, it's like, ‘I liked you! Why are you being like this?’ Even when Tai didn't realize what was going on, Tien holds back his own disappointment that his brother maybe didn't necessarily see him the right way, and still says, ‘thank you for always being on my left.’
Ahh! I love that boy so much! He's so good, he deserves so much more. He was dressing like an early 2000s lesbian the whole time, serving nothing but constant looks. He was so fun to watch, especially when he was being kind of sassy with everyone.
Nini
I like Tien as a character, I like his wardrobe…don't even get me started. That outfit he wore to the wedding? Unreal. I loved it so much.
Ben
I loved it. It's so good. Oh my god.
Nini
Un. Real.
Ben
That whole family looked good, like holy shit! [laughs]
Nini
We didn't even talk about Saengnuea! And oh god, we're never going to get forgiven by one of the clowns if we never even bring up Saengnuea.
Ben
He was so awkward and goofy! I, I liked that boy too. I loved Bow, I loved the vets—what's so great about the side characters with La Pluie, is they do their role just enough to help us understand the world in which these characters exist. Like Tai is surrounded by people trying to just pour love all over that boy, and he will just not let them. Patts is surrounded by a community that loves him, that wants the best for him, that wants to make sure that he gets what he deserves too. Oh my god, just—what an excellent show.
1:44:02 - La Pluie: Sequel Potential
Nini
The thing that I think that we want to end up on is, I said before that La Pluie is basically a filmed romance novel. If you are aware of how, like, these romance novels get set up—a lot of the time, it will be multiple stories set in the same universe, where each of the characters basically gets to fall in love. We know at least that the La Pluie people seem to want to get into all of the Saeng brothers and their various romances. I don't know if they will get to, but what do you think about the obvious setup for the Saengtien sequel at the end of the show, and this idea of going into, like, a Bridgerton-esque series of romances using all of the same characters?
How do you feel about that?
Ben
Honestly…I’m a little bit nervous because I just worry that the audience won't respond to it really well. I feel like a significant portion of the audience just actively did not get La Pluie. They were really caught up in the soulmate stuff. And I just feel like a lot of the audience maybe didn't…gel with all the themes?
Nini
So as usual, Ben is the one thinking about everybody else while I very selfishly think about myself. [both laugh] And I'm just like, ‘give it to me.’ I'm ready, I'm here for it. I trust these writers, I trust this director, I think that if they get a chance to delve into this universe in more detail and focusing on different characters, I think that they can nail it? I'm ready to see what happens if they get a chance to do it.
I don't care about whether people are going to get it correctly or not, I don't. I kind of care, but at the same time I don't care. So that being said: Ben, is this a ten or a chop?
Ben
La Pluie is probably in my top five BLs of all time, and it's probably in my top ten shows of all time right now. It's a 10. It's a 10. [laughs] It’s a 10!
Nini
All right? So for Ben it’s a 10, for me it’s definitely a 10, that leaves us with La Pluie as a 10 show!
1:46:01 - Outro
Ben
And we're back.
Nini
Okay Ben, so…lotta ink spilled over these two shows. I don't think I've seen so much meta being written, probably since the Bad Buddy era. We've got a strange combo here: a show that was incredibly legible, and then a show that made you work a little bit harder, and in both instances it feels like people didn't get it? [laughs]
I don't know, what are your thoughts? What do you feel about this?
Ben
One of the big stories of this year is BL maturing as a genre and beginning to genre blend. Like in a lot of ways, La Pluie wants to straddle the line between BL and classic romance, and I think it does a pretty admirable job at it. Whereas Step by Step feels like the BL elements that it's trying to manage are holding it back from what it really wants to be. That feels like the sort of thing that inevitably happens with this type of outgrowth.
La Pluie doesn't really want to say things sort of directly or inherently about queerness, it wants to talk about romance itself. And romance as a genre. Whereas Step by Step really wants to talk about queer stuff in a real world, and that's a whole lot messier to deal with. They both did some things really really well, and the audience connected to that. And what fascinated me so much about it was that the audience felt compelled to talk to each other about it. I felt like that happened maybe more organically on its own with Step by Step? Some of us kind of forced the issue on La Pluie. I know that I was part of it, like very, very directly, and it's been fun seeing people respond to that, by just us saying very earnestly: please tell us what you're thinking. And engaging with what people are writing.
I think it's good for us and the genre to take it more seriously? It has been really fascinating for me seeing people engaging the way they are, but I legitimately feel a bit fatigued by it. And like, the last time I felt fatigue in BL, truly, was at the beginning. I know a lot of you don't watch as much content as I do, like you couldn't possibly do it, it's not healthy for you. I don't know how starved some of you have been for content that you can genuinely connect to, that can help you feel a little bit less lonely about yourself. And like I’d never gotten tired of queer cinema—I’d gotten hurt by it, but I'd never gotten, like, genuinely tired of just being in it that long.
And I feel a little tired from all of the intense writing that La Pluie and Step by Step kind of demanded of us. It's a really fascinating time for me as a fan, to feel like the shows are demanding more of us as viewers, as we watch them, than to just be pleased by them or intrigued by them so that we'll engage and buy merch and stuff. It was really fascinating having two shows this season that really feel like they wanted us to think about things along with them.
Nini
I know that you and I have talked about that feeling of fatigue, like for me, this is the most anything I've watched in years. The level of exhaustion that I felt, and then to have these two shows sort of spring up at the end of the season, and demand—you’re correct—demand my attention…not just in terms of the shows themselves, but then in the reaction to the shows. It's sort of left me a little hollowed out, almost, a little wrung out? I don't know yet if in a good way or a bad way. It's yet to be seen.
I remember saying to you at one point, I was like, I need something mindless to just sit and watch for the next couple of weeks, at least. Or, like, maybe longer, I just need something that I don't need to think about. And that's not a place that I'm accustomed to being in media? Because I am normally the let's get deep into it, let's get into the guts, put your arm in and come back with a beating heart kind of girl when it comes to the stories. And right now I'm just like, eh, I want something shallow and surface that I don't have to think too much about, please, just for a little while. And then I can re-engage my brain later. It's a very strange place for me to be in, I don't think it's a place that I've ever been in? But yeah these these two shows, they took it out of me, I gotta say.
And that's how we end the season ladies and theydies! We are a little wrung out, and we'll probably talk about that a little bit more in the Lagniappe. But yeah! We tired, y'all. [laughs]
Ben
It’s gonna be fascinating, like, getting to listen back over this, because we talked really in the season about how slow it was for me to get into the spring season, coming off of the the winter hangover from Moonlight Chicken, Utsukushii Kare, My School President and The Warp Effect. And it's weird now at the end of the spring season, where…I don't necessarily feel like a tired hangover from it? It's a hard feeling to describe because the winter shows were really good, really hit something in me…
Nini
The winter shows were emotionally intense. There was like a heavy emotional hangover coming off of the winter. I don't feel that emotional hangover now, but I feel mentally drained.
Ben
Yeah, it's a far more cerebral feeling, and like the thing for me is, I grow stronger on that feeling. [both laugh] It's gonna be, it’s gonna be hard for me if these new shows don't keep up! ‘Cause, it's what I want! I do not want to yuck anyone's yums, like, there is absolutely a place for fluff in this genre. I will never, ever vote against the silly and fun shows. I just also really love meaty shows that make me think really hard while I'm watching them. And I love when that feels intentional—like we do a lot of hard thinking on our own about these shows, but damn is it satisfying when it feels like the show itself is in that conversation with us. And I really hope that this isn't the last time we have an Adult Swim episode because we got a bunch of really thinky shows to think about.
Like, I was very harsh to Step by Step when we talked about that show, but I don't want Tee to stop thinking as hard as he does. I want him to stay in the guts of trying to unpack where queer people fit in modern Thai cinema. That's a really important thing to figure out, and queer people should be part of that conversation. And like even if I didn't think this was the best execution of his ideas, I don't want that conversation to get missed because his show didn't land consistently for everyone.
Nini
I'm tired y'all. I'm so tired.
Ben
[laughs] I’m so energized. Keep it coming.
Nini
My brain hurts! And this is the shit that I normally love, but my brain, it hurts, and my brain, she needs a break! And so, a break she shall have. [laughs]
We'll be back at you next time with the Lagniappe, but that's it for us now! We are just going to wrap it up on Adult Swim.
Our first Adult Swim episode: may there be others. We out! Say bye to the people, Ben.
Ben
Peace.
#podcast#lgbtq#step by step#la pluie#thai bl#ben and nini's conversations#the conversation#on art#season 3#summer 2023#summer series#la pluie the series#la pluie meta#step by step the series#step by step meta#man trisanu#ben bunyapol#title tanatorn#pee peerawich#suar kritsanaphong#copter nuntapong#bruce sirikorn#tee bundit#Spotify
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➵ NARUMI GEN
summary : Narumi Gen's life has its highs and its lows, but he's glad that he does not have to deal with the latter ones on his own (he would never admit that though).
tags : exes to lovers (?), fem!reader, fluff, angst, something between comfort and reverse comfort?, mentions of blood, spoilers for chapters 53/54
a/n : I can't believe how much fun I had writing for him. He's such a versatile character AND A GODDAMN BABY <;33
It was not an unusual occurrence to find the commander of the first division of the Defense Force huddled up in his messy and dump-like bedroom.
Yet the palpable melancholy in the light deprived room was rare. It was nothing new, considering that his job brought many sacrifices and losses with it, but still. It was rare.
Narumi was lying on his bed, hands clasped behind his head, changed into a white shirt with a faded Gundom imprint on it and his usual black sweatpants. Besides the few scratches along his jaw, nothing would have made you guess that this man had been on the battle field and had lost his mentor a few hours prior.
Yet here he was, barely acknowledging your presence as you finally closed the door behind you and, with slow and quiet steps, strode over to his bed.
Between the various cushions and blankets on his bed, you could also spot the controller of his BS5 which lay beside his limp hand, even though the TV was clearly turned off, its screen pitch black. You wondered if he had really been able to muster some strength to game or if the abandoned controller was just another sign of defeat. Defeat because he had neither physical nor mental strength left to distract himself.
"What are you doing here?" despite the low volume of his raspy voice, his words managed to resonate through the quiet room, his face still facing the ceiling, his eyes covered by his multicoloured bangs.
"I've heard what happened to Mr. Isao." you spoke quietly, carefully choosing your words because you knew Narumi all too well. If it were for him, he would think that your presence was a mere sign of pity, a sign of his defeat, of his failure.
That's why the next time he spoke, his words were louder, harsher even. The tension in his body was clearly visible, tendons along his throat straining and jaw clenching.
"Why. Are you here?"
You remained quiet and instead of snapping back, simply decided to take a seat on the edge of his bed. It was not noticeable to the naked eye, but Narumi relaxed, even if it was for only a tiniest bit. Somehow the air around him seemed less suffocating, now.
But as your hand slowly inched closer to his forehead, not being able to fight against your desire to just touch him even if it was for a short moment, one of his arms flew up, his hand grasping your wrist in a tight grip.
"Narumi, I brought eye drops. Doctor said you overused them quite a bit." you said matter-of-factly, no softness coating your words, your expression emotionless as your eyes finally locked with his. They were bloodshot, red veins weaving themselves over his sclera, while the blueish rings beneath them seemed to have taken on an even darker shade than usual.
The hold on your wrist loosened, a wordless invitation for you to do whatever you had intended to do. Because, yeah, you knew Narumi but the same went the other way around. And if he knew one thing about you, then it was that you were stubborn as hell.
You motioned him do lie back down and soon after that his head hit the softness of his pillow, black and silver strands of hair sprawled over its pillowcase.
How long has it been since the last time he had felt the tenderness of your hands? Three? Four months? It has definitely been long enough for him to feel like a terminally ill man who finally seemed to get his salvation.
The gentless with which your fingers combed his bangs out of his face, how they delicately rested along his eyes, not putting too much pressure around the irritated area as you pressed the prescribed amount of droplets out of the little tube. Narumi swore it was not the medication that soothed the uncomfortable itch in his eyes but rather just the simple sight of you.
However, he was aware that letting himself get used to this, to you, would be a fatal mistake.
"That’s enough." he muttered, slapping your hands away as if they could burn him. "Don’t need a damn nurse."
You sighed as you watched him turn on his side, his back facing you. This could have been your cue to simply leave him alone, let him shoulder this burden on his own, but you could not. And you knew that it was selfish because you were obviously not only staying because of Narumi. You were staying because the thought of him being alone right now would hurt you incredibly hard.
"How are you feeling?"
"'M fine. I've also been fine before. The bleeding's stopped. Now go."
"You know that’s not what I meant."
You flinched at the sight of his upper body swiftly shooting up, his bangs falling back into their place and hiding the frown etched on his face. "Why do you care? Huh? I couldn't do anything. Couldn’t save him. So why do you-"
"Because I care about you, Gen. You, not the first division commander." you cut him off, your own composure slowly crumbling as you felt your eyes sting. "Because I know that you liked Isao a lot."
Narumi's chest heaved heavily and he wondered if, in midst of the silence that reigned in the room, you could hear the rapid pounding of his heart, a result of all the anger, sorrow and relief that he felt currently. Anger towards himself, sorrow because that was simply something you felt when you lost someone, and relief because- because of you? He was not sure but that seemed to be the only plausible explanation.
The breathy chuckle vibrating in his chest seemed rather anguished as he flopped back down on his back, the heels of his palms pressed against his eyes.
"You've missed me that badly, huh?" he derided, yet proceeded to scooch over a tiniest bit. Another silent invitation for you.
"You wish." the string of tension hanging between you two seemed to diminish, especially once your head lay beside his, two pairs of eyes now hyperfixating the grey ceiling as if it was the most engrossing thing you've ever witnessed.
"How did the evacuation go?" Narumi asked reluctantly after a beat of slience but received only a light jerk of your shoulders, one of them brushing against his. "That many deaths?"
He had already been looking at you as you turned your head to look into an ocean of red, your own eyes glazing over at the images of all the bodies your troop and you had recovered today from beneath all the ruins and debris that had remained after the destruction of so many buildings.
"Way too many."
The reason Narumi's body felt rigid now was not tension, but rather hesitancy. It was just a small gesture of comfort, right? It would not hurt? Maybe a bit ironic since you were the one who had appeared in his room to comfort him, but who was he to give a shit?
Warmth creeped through the skin of your palm as you felt him wrap his hand around yours until his fingers weaved themselves through the crevices of your own cold ones.
"Missed me that badly, huh?" you repeated his words, the light crack in your voice, however, drowning the lightheartedness in your words. The fake overly exaggerated laugh emanating from him nearly pulled a smile at your lips, the knot in your chest loosening a tad bit.
"You're insufferable." Narumi muttered defeatedly, the light squeeze you felt around your hand feeling like anything but annoyance or loathing.
"Right. That's why you broke up with me, remember?"
His eyes widened momentarily at your statement.
The reason he had broken up with you?
Many things annoyed Narumi Gen.
Headlines of Ashiro Mina in the news, Hasegawa when he dragged him to unnecessary meetings, people who were only talks without any real actions and strength behind their words-
You had never been part of any of these things.
The only thing that had scared him away from you was he himself. He feared all the things that you made him feel; the love that you made him feel for you.
He feared becoming too attached and the possibility that your death would not leave him indifferent.
For God's sake, neither of you had simple nine to five jobs. Every single day you left your cabins in your suits, you instantly signed a contract that granted you a meeting with Death himself.
But as Narumi noticed your breaths becoming deeper and steadier, his free hand brushing a single strand of your soft hair behind your ear, he realized that life without you was one of the many things that annoyed him.
He realized that not having you at all was worse than the constant risk of loosing you, and for once, he was glad that many people had a rather bad image of him. Because he also realized that being selfish had never felt better than now.
#narumi gen#gen narumi#kaiju no.8#kaiju no. 8 narumi gen#kaiju no. 8 narumi#gen narumi x reader#narumi gen x reader#narumi x reader#narumi fluff#kaiju no. 8 x reader#kn8#kn8 narumi#kn8 x reader#kaiju no. 8#kaiju no 8#kaiju no. 8 imagines
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WELCOME BACK SPORTS FANS TO "VASH'S SCORE BOARD OF PAIN" :D
Stampede vash decided to take it easy last round, but new day, new suffering unlocked. lets see how the debutant does today
its time for episode 5!
After a light round last time, stampede vash strikes the first point in minute 4:48 of the 5th episode. 1 "action" point to him and his ominous walk to the ghost town. it seems like the rest of points will come easily now, because he just got another "action" point for his ominous silence and gaze at the town. oh my, what happened here that it makes our contestant suffer?
do not worry, sports fans, the points keep coming. slow and steady we get ANOTHER "ACTION" POINT for picking up the rag in such sad way. yes we are counting every time he's ominous. the suffering division has said it will all make sense once we get to halfway the episode
after so long stampede vash scores a "bad event" point thanks to the mysterious big guy. getting shot at can be terrible specially when you use your arm as a shield
and after 9 minutes here it is folks, 1 "yikes statement" point for being relieved (and telling rollo that he is relieved) that his attacker is still alive. it is the first "yikes statement" since episode 3 and people were dying to see more
OH, WHAT IS THIS? the debutant doesnt plan to waste another minute and we get A BACKSTORY. out of this backstory we see 1 "action" point for just listening all the bad things people say about him and ANOTHER "YIKES STATEMENT" POINT. stampede vash's "if god wont save you i will" (and failing) cannot be good for his mental health. all of this in 2 minutes. what an incredible performance
but the show must go on fellas, stampede vash prepares to get shot again when he realizes who the guy is, giving him a 1 "TRAUMATIC EVENT" POINT. THE CROWD CHEERS. THE OTHER CONTESTANTS AVERT THEIR EYES....and pass around a bottle of liquor
however, the action for the debutant is not over. he gets 1 "bad event" point for his 1v1 with rollo. fighting the kid you swore to protect has to hurt.
AND WHAT IS THIS??? ANOTHER "YIKES STATEMENT"??? STAMPEDE VASH HITS THE AUDIENCE WITH A "im sorry im late. im here to keep my word. you wont be alone anymore" AND THEN, OH MY GOD HE HOLDS ROLLOS GAZE AND GETS A "TRAUMATIC EVENT" POINT. THE SUFFERING DIVISION FALLS TO THEIR KNEES. ROLLO IS FUCKING DEAD AND VASH WATCHED IT HAPPEN. HE GETS ANOTHER "ACTION" POINT FOR TRYING TO KEEP ROLLO FROM FALLING BUT ALAS, ITS TOO LATE
the night falls. the audience gets quieter. stampede vash is not done yet. he rushes to rollo's side and scores another "action point" for begging him to wake up. but no miracle happens. there is no such thing as miracles.
stampede vash keeps scoring points even though we are almost at the end. he gets the first "angry outburst" point of the season. the audience looks up to the see the debutant getting violent with wolfwood and asking him why he took the shot. after wolfwood (another amazing mvp) replies, we get the last point of this round. stampede vash gets 1 "action" point for his lack of answer when wolfwood calls him a hypocrite. an emotional round for everyone, including the debutant.
stampede vash closes this round with 15 points, making his new total 53 points. the suffering division has never seen a contestant go this fast since 03. stampede vash took one round lightly and decided to never do that ever again! what a madlad!
keep following #vashsscoreboardofpain to see the rest of rounds! do you expect to see more pain, more suffering? because stampede vash is here to deliver
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9.66km//6mi -> 53min:23sec ((5:32 km pace//10.9kmph))((8:53 mile pace//6.7mph))
✨🌹 my body hurts why the fuck is it still cold out 🌹✨ - i made a playlist
- thank you for the venom (my chemical romance) - planetary go (my chemical romance) - hold me like a grudge (fall out boy) - red wine supernova (chappell roan) - jackson you are dying (picture us tiny) - boy division (my chemical romance) - destroya (my chemical romance) - jet pack blues (fall out boy) - alpha dog (fall out boy) - saturday night again (patrick stump) - death valley (fall out boy) - sleeping in (all time low) - the sharpest lives (my chemical romance) - sound of letting go (all time low) - rat a tat (fall out boy) - twin skeletons (hotel in nyc) ((fall out boy))
Honestly i skipped sound of letting go because it was not the vibe for that late in the run. I got home and put electrolytes and salt in my water and promptly drank like half a liter (thirsty ass bitch). Finished my entire gym routine in twenty minutes and power walked to the bus stop because the next one isn't for two hours and i want to be home, showered and in bed by the time it would get me to my destination. But! I finally mustered up the courage to show my hospital ID for the bus fare (we got an email about it as part of the hospital being "more green" or whatever) and the driver was so chill about it (sometimes i wonder if people are nice to me because i radiate a palpable amount of anxiety). It's April 23rd and still a whopping 1°C outside and i am not here for it. I did choose to move to new england though, so that's a bit on me.
#fall out boy#fob#patrick stump#running#soul punk#smfs#so much (for) stardust#my chemical romance#mcr#picture us tiny#chappell roan#all time low
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A List of Hiromasa's Direct Relatives + Random Facts
Saw some posts wondering about Hiromasa's other family, which prompted me to write this up. Info is taken from documents you can find in publicly accessible archives, albeit only in Japanese.
The Guy Himself
源博雅 - Minamoto no Hiromasa [918 - 980]
Rank: Junior fourth rank, lower grade (later third rank)
Position(s): Captain of the Right Division of Middle Palace Guards (右兵衛督)
Middle Captain of the Right Division of Inner Palace Guards (右近衛中將)
Ancillary Master of the Empress Dowager's Household (皇太后宮権大夫)
When he was 17, he was removed from royal succession and bestowed the title Minamoto Ason*. Apart from the flute, he was also skilled with the biwa, koto and hichiriki. There are numerous stories about him and his incredible musical skill, which I will hopefully cover in a separate post some day. Maybe.
He is also known as Hakuga no Sanmi (博雅三位) in reference to his final rank and Lord Long Autumn (長秋卿) in reference to his final position (the Chinese name for the Empress Dowager's household is "Long Autumn")
*The Japanese term for this process is shinsekikouka (臣籍降下) This was done because emperors often had many children and under the Ritsuryo legal system, royalty had to be given a certain income, so ennoblement was a way of saving money. The first title of Minamoto Ason was given by Emperor Saga, who had 49 children.
Grandfather
醍醐天皇 - Emperor Daigo [884 - 930]
Was emperor from 897 to 930. He actually abdicated the throne after falling ill in 930 and became a monk shortly before he died. He had 36 children across 21 different consorts.
Father
克明親王 - Prince Yoshiakira/Katsuakira [903 - 927]
The first son and crown prince of Emperor Daigo. Hiromasa would have been 9 years old when he died.
Mother
藤原時平の娘 - Daughter of Fujiwara no Tokihira
Fujiwara no Tokihira was the Minister of the Left (左大臣) for Emperor Daigo. Women often did not have their names recorded, instead being referred to by the title of their fathers or by their sons (e.g Murasaki Shikibu, with her father having a position in the Shikibu-sho (Ministry of Ceremonial Affairs) and Mother of Michizane, the author of Kagero nikki.)
Siblings
Most of the info here is from the Honcho Koin Jounroku (本朝皇胤紹運録) (go to page 53)
源正雅 - Minamoto no Tadamasa (younger brother)
Rank: Junior fourth rank official, lower grade
Position(s): Ancillary Provincial Governor of Tosa Province (土佐権守)
Tosa Province is now known today as Kochi Prefecture.
源清雅 - Minamoto no Kiyomasa (younger brother)
Rank: Junior fourth rank official, lower grade
Position(s): Chamberlain in the Ministry of Central Affairs (侍従)
It's unclear whether Tadamasa was older than Kiyomasa or the other way round.
源助雅 - Minamoto no Sukemasa (younger brother)
Rank: Junior fourth rank official, lower grade.
Position(s): Master of the Western Offices (右京大夫)
A lot of websites I've checked claim that Hiromasa also had a sister by the name of Kenshi (妍子女王), but I cannot for the life of me find and actual source for this claim. If you have any info, please tell me!
Children
According to the Dai Nihon Shiryo, Hiromasa had four sons.
源信貞 - Minamoto no Nobusada
Rank: Junior fifth rank, higher grade
Position(s): Lieutenant of the Left Division of Middle Palace Guards (左兵衛尉)
A flute player, like his father. He appears briefly in the Kaichikusho, a book on flute music written by musician Oga no Koresue. (go to page 20)
源信明 - Minamoto no Nobuakira
Rank: Junior fifth rank, higher grade
Position(s): Treasury Senior Assistant Minister (大蔵大輔)
Also a known talented biwa player, like his father.
源信義 - Minamoto no Nobuyoshi
Rank: Junior fifth rank official, higher grade
Position(s): Chief Pharmacist (典薬頭)
Chief Court Musician (雅楽頭)
Once again taking after his father, being an excellent biwa and flute player. He is the author of the Shinkasho (神歌抄), the oldest surviving manuscript of kagura music. He and his older brother Nobuakira were known for playing music together.
源至光 - Minamoto no Yukimitsu
Rank: Junior fifth rank official, lower grade
Position(s): Provincial Governor of Hoki Province (伯耆守)
Hoki Province is now known today as the western half of Tottori Prefecture.
Couldn't find any info on him being a musician, but knowing his family, it wouldn't be out of the question.
#minamoto no hiromasa#heian period#general disclaimer that many of these documents are recounts so we can never be too sure#we're talking century old copies of documents that are centuries older than that#also there are SO MANY POSITIONS IN THE RITSURYO SYSTEM#i've translated them in this case but in many situations you'll probably see them just left in japanese (e.g. sadaijin=minister of the left#ALSO ALSO while i have listed the roles i do not actually understand what they all entail#feel free to correct me on anything because i am not in fact fluent in old japanese#i'm just very persistent
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𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝟏𝟔, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 𝐆𝐨𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐥
Saturday of the Fourth Week of Lent
Jn 7:40-53
Some in the crowd who heard these words of Jesus said,
"This is truly the Prophet."
Others said, "This is the Christ."
But others said, "The Christ will not come from Galilee, will he?
Does not Scripture say that the Christ will be of David's family
and come from Bethlehem, the village where David lived?"
So a division occurred in the crowd because of him.
Some of them even wanted to arrest him,
but no one laid hands on him.
So the guards went to the chief priests and Pharisees,
who asked them, "Why did you not bring him?"
The guards answered, "Never before has anyone spoken like this man."
So the Pharisees answered them, "Have you also been deceived?
Have any of the authorities or the Pharisees believed in him?
But this crowd, which does not know the law, is accursed."
Nicodemus, one of their members who had come to him earlier, said to them,
"Does our law condemn a man before it first hears him
and finds out what he is doing?"
They answered and said to him,
"You are not from Galilee also, are you?
Look and see that no prophet arises from Galilee."
Then each went to his own house.
#jesus#catholic#my remnant army#jesus christ#virgin mary#faithoverfear#saints#jesusisgod#endtimes#artwork#Jesus is coming#come holy spirit#Gospel#word of God#Bible#bible verse of the day
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Fun Question Time – Just How Rich Is Cale??
This might be a funny question for the Korean readers, but as someone who doesn't use the Korean Won currency on regular basis, those huge numbers with tons of zeros seem pretty abstract. How much money does Cale have???
(I'm sure many people use different currencies, but I decided that US Dollar is the best ones to compare to, internationally. However, keep in mind that the currency constantly changes and fluctuates, so if you check the numbers later on, they might end up out of date.)
Believe it or not, right at the beginning of the novel, we get a clear understanding of how currency works in this world works! We are informed early on that the Roan Kingdom's currency translates to Korean currency roughly 1:1.
Thus:
1 Roan Gallon = 1 bronze coin = 1 Korean Won
Also, this is how the division of coins work:
1 gold coin = 10 silver coin = 100 000 bronze coins
In short:
1 gold coin = 100 000 gallons = ~ 80 US Dollars
When Cale asks Deruth for money, he receives 10 million gallon for an allowance. In other words, that is:
100 gold coins = 1 000 silver coin ->
10 000 000 bronze coins = 10 000 000 Gallons ->
10 000 000 Korean Won = 8 000 US Dollars
...Yeah, you read that right. Cale got freaking 8 thousand dollars as an allowance.
That's more than average American's monthly salary, btw. The Henituse being rich is a freaking understatement.
While in most cases, we don't know how much money Cale gets (from the Magic Tower for example – which he payed 4 million USD for; we got no clue about his profit, but it must have been tens of millions of dollars at least...), we do get the numbers concerning the Caro Kingdom auction!
...Also, it was mentioned that Caro Kingdom currency is slightly more than the Raon Kingdom's:
1 Caro Kingdom Gallon > 1 Raon Kingdom Gallon
With those numbers, how much money did Cale earn in the auction???
1 000 000 000 Caro Gallons > 800 000 USD
23 000 000 000 Caro Gallons > 18 400 000 USD
30 000 000 000 Caro Gallons > 24 000 000 USD
Thus:
53 billion Caro Gallons > 42.4 million dollars
...And that's for a single auction 😅
I think... it's safe to say that Cale Henituse is a billionaire 😂
#tcf#trash of the count's family#lcf#lout of the count’s family#cale henituse#cale#tcf cale#math calculations#conclusion?#cale is rich#cale is filthy rich#cale is FILTHY STUPID RICH#bruce wayne is that you???#billionaire cale henituse#this bastard#poor orphan he says#not a lot of money he says#never believe a word from this man's mouth#humor#tcf humor
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The Murder of Fredrik Lexand (Space Clue)
ATTENTION ALL CITIZENS OF STARSEEKER A1 AND BEYOND:
AS OF 18:16 21/3/314, FREDRIK MAXIMIL LEXAND, CORPORATE KING OF LEXAND STARFLEET, WAS FOUND DEAD IN HIS POD. AN INVESTIGATION IS CURRENTLY UNDERWAY. PLEASE REMAIN CALM.
General Information
Genre: Sci-Fi, thriller
POV: Unknown, likely third limited like every thing else.
Setting: 314 years post-takeoff in a giant, self sustaining spaceship (a la the Snowpiercer train crossed with the Axiom Spaceship from Wall-E)
Content warnings: Murder (obviously), blood, gore, emphasis on class divisions, politics
Status: Planning document plus about 2k words.
Cast
Fredrik Maximil Lexand :: he/him :: 58 :: deceased :: Corporate King of Lexand Starfleet :: descendant of the original Fredrim Maximil Lexand :: telekinetic
Maximil "Andren" Lexand :: he/him :: 25 :: alive :: Heir to Lexand Startfleet :: Member of the Triple L :: telekinetic
Aurelia Margreve Lexand :: she/her :: 24 :: alive :: Professional Socialite :: Member of the Triple L :: telekinetic
Ailyx Yante Lexand :: she/he :: 22 :: alive :: Leader of the Triple L :: no known powers
Corceles Ance Moncell :: he/they :: 25 :: alive :: Bioengineer for HydroCell :: biokinetic
Aayrne Ocanos Coopet :: he/him :: 26 :: alive :: Heir to Cooper Circuit :: telepath
Ristie Hitte Hayeston :: xe/she :: 24 :: alive :: Architect for Hayeston Constructs :: magnetokinetic
Betiz Dorne Wison :: she/they :: 29 :: alive :: Head of Lexand Household :: no known powers
Scoud Jawn Tambry :: xe/xir :: 30 :: alive :: Detective with A1 Police Squadron :: no known powers
Baen Asiric Kemat :: he/him :: 24 :: alive :: Hitman for the Lexand family :: prophetic visions
Mashinsa "Mashie" Werne Moncell :: she/her :: 54 :: alive :: Lead Bioengineer/CEO of HydroCell :: Biokinesis
Corven Ocanos Coopet :: he/him :: 53 :: alive :: CEO of Coopet Circuit :: Ex-Member of the Martian Coalition :: Telepathic
Notable Companies and Lexand Starfleet Subsidaries
Lexand Starfleet: Builder of the Lexand Starfleet, the last havens for humanity. The firstborn of each generation inherits the company, earning the title the "Corporate King". Lexand Starfleet controls the everyday workings of the average person and most means of production in order to keep the Fleet thriving. All of the legal companies on the Starfleet are either under Lexand Starfleet as a subsidiary or are closely linked to Lexand Starfleet. Lexand Starfleet has created sharp divisions between the different class of citizens, with those who paid more for their ticket in the beginning having higher status.
Coopet Circuit: Coopet Circuit is the closest thing Lexand Starfleet has to a rival. The families have their issues with one another, and Coopet Circuit did leave the Mars Coalition, but they still produce most of the electronics for the Starfleet.
Hayeston Construction, a Subsidiary of Lexand Starfleet: Hayeston Construction works directly for Lexand Starfleet, leading all major construction projects within the Starfleet. While there are technically other minor construction companies which are Lexand Starfleet subsidiaries, Hayeston Construction is given control over them.
Celse Purification, a Subsidiary of Lexand Starfleet: Celse Purification handles all water production and purification within the Starfleet. While Celse Purification originally started as its own seperate company, it was recently brought under Lexand Starfleet's official umbrella when Fredrik Maximil Lexand married Margreve Tael Celse.
HydroCell: Although HydroCell is one of the few remaining independent companies within the Starfleet, the Moncell and Lexand families have been close for generations. HydroCell bioengineers and grows all of the "natural" products within the Starfleet, which includes food.
Concepts
Triple L
Triple L, or the Lexand Triad, is the nickname of the three children of Fredrik Lexand: Andren, Aurelia, and Ailyx. They hold immense power on A1, and can manipulate practically anything to their liking. Andren serves as the political/economic side, often making deals either in service to his father or in service to himself. Aurelia is the social butterfly, and often helps her brother, flirting and befriending her way to what she wants. Then there’s Ailyx, and their twofold strength. Ailyx, first off, is brilliant, despite most people underestimating them. They can often dig up information that no one else should know. Additionally, their close link to Baen Kemat allows them to access the last resort: assassination.
Mars Coalition
The Mars Coalition is the original band of companies that came together under the leadership of Fredrick Dean Lexand (Fredrik Dee Lexand), and formed the original Lexand Starfleet Corporation. The heads of the companies planned to build 25 Starfleet cruisers, to harbor the last bits of humanity. These companies include Cooper (Coopet) Circuit, HydroCell, Celsius (Celse) Purification, and Hayes Town (Hayeston) Construction. Today, all of these companies are still collectively known as the Mars Coalition, although Coopet Circut has exited the group. The name originates from their plan to recolonize Mars, which never came to fruition.
A/N: So yeah I just cranked this whole thing out in one afternoon, after posting WAY too much stuff today. I probably won't touch it for a HOT minute but I might come back every now and then to work on it. Also Fine Print by the Stupendium absolutely nails the aesthetic of the Starfleet in general (capitalist hell).
Tag List (Let me know if you wanted to be added or removed): @thetruearchmagos @the-down-upside-finch @aether-wasteland-s @shay-creates @n1ghtcrwler @writingonmymind @dyrewrites @writeblrsupport
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10 horror or horror-adjacent movie recommendations from a certified horror fan :)
*rank is not to show best to worst. i just like numbering things.
1. WYRMWOOD
synopsis: a survivor of a zombie plague prepares to slash his way through a horde of sinister soldiers and ravenous monsters to rescue his kidnapped sister.
rating: not rated, but probably would be rated r
rotten tomatoes: 82% critics, 58% audience
review: if you like indie horror, this is for you. if you like more big-budget and clean films, then don’t even bother. despite being a little rough, this movie is a lot of fun and has one of the most memorable plot twists i’ve ever seen. a very creative take on a zombies. there’s a sequel, but i haven’t seen it yet.
2. ESCAPE ROOM
synopsis: six strangers find themselves in a maze of deadly mystery rooms and must use their wits to survive
rating: pg-13
rotten tomatoes: 50% critics, 53% audience
synopsis: is this movie great? nope! is it a lot of fun? hell yeah it is! the set pieces are stunning, and even though it leans into some lazy horror cliches, i think there’s enough creativity to keep it interesting. good for a fun movie night where you don’t want anything too serious or too mind-consuming. there’s also a sequel for this too, but i don’t really recommend it lol.
3. 28 DAYS LATER
synopsis: a group of misguided animal rights activists free a caged chimp infected with the "rage" virus from a medical research lab. when london bike courier jim wakes up from a coma a month after, he finds his city all but deserted. on the run from the zombie-like victims of the rage, jim stumbles upon a group of survivors, including selena and cab driver frank, and joins them on a perilous journey to what he hopes will be safety.
rating: r
rotten tomatoes: 87% critics, 85% audience
review: one of my favorite movies of all time, so maybe i’m biased. it is absolutely terrifying at times, but i feel it’s a good mix of social commentary, drama, and gore. also, cillian murphy.
4. 28 WEEKS LATER
synopsis: six months after the original epidemic, the rage virus has all but annihilated the population of the british Isles. nevertheless, the u.s. army declares the danger past, and american soldiers arrive to restore order and begin reconstruction. refugees return to british soil, but one of them carries a deadly secret: the virus is not gone and is even more dangerous than before.
rating: r
rotten tomatoes: 72% critics, 66% audience
review: bloody. terrifying. shocking. while the characters are a bit harder to care about, this movie has an eerie and dreadful atmosphere that immerses you and scenes that will hit you like a truck. there is one scene in particular that has stuck with me my entire life because of how gory and unsettling it is. if you don’t like violence, skip this one.
5. UNDERWORLD
synopsis: under cover of night, vampires engage in an age-old battle with their sworn enemies, the lycans, a clan of violent werewolves. selene, a vampire orphaned in the wake of a bloody lycan attack, works for the vampire clan as a trained killer. when the lycans take a mysterious interest in michael corvin, an exceptional mortal doctor, selene struggles to save him from lucian, a ruthless lycan leader hellbent on ending the vampire bloodline.
rating: r
rotten tomatoes: 31% critics, 79% audience
review: more horror-adjacent and supernatural flick. i remember loving the entire series, but i can mostly only remember the first. it’s been a hot minute since i’ve watched it, but it has a stylish gothic atmosphere, a cool female lead, and is so early 2000s/late 90s in a great way (in my opinion, at least.) it’s an under-appreciated, and divisive, action-horror classic.
6. BONES AND ALL
synopsis: love blossoms between a young woman on the margins of society and a disenfranchised drifter as they embark on a 3,000-mile odyssey through the backroads of america. however, despite their best efforts, all roads lead back to their terrifying pasts and a final stand that will determine whether their love can survive their differences.
rating: r
rotten tomatoes: 81% critics, 62% audience
review: you guys knew it would be here. another horror-adjacent recommendation in the form of horror-romance about cannibals. it’s is deeply romantic in all its gore, and unsettles just as much as it comforts. beautiful atmosphere, beautiful scenery, beautiful acting, beautiful music— everything about it is beautiful, but bloody enough to remind you why it got its r rating.
7. HELLBOY (2004)
synopsis: at the end of wwii, the nazis attempt to open a portal to a paranormal dimension in order to defeat the allies, but are only able to summon a baby demon who is rescued by allied forces and dubbed "hellboy.” 60 years later, hellboy serves as an agent in the bureau of paranormal research and defense, where he, aided by abe sapien, a merman with psychic powers, and liz sherman, a woman with pyrokinesis, protects america against dark forces.
rating: pg-13
rotten tomatoes: 82% critics, 66% audience
review: it’s a sci-fi/action/fantasy, but in my heart i know it’s got some horror in it. hellboy has some stunning set designs and makeup/styling that make this movie stand out amongst other comic book adaptations. ron perlman is the definitive hellboy, and guillermo del toro gave this story a unique sense of style and wit. (also, abe sapien? one of my favorite character ever.)
8. READY OR NOT
synopsis: grace couldn't be happier after she marries the man of her dreams at his family's luxurious estate. there’s just one catch— she must now hide from midnight until dawn while her new in-laws hunt her down with guns, crossbows and other weapons. as grace desperately tries to survive the night, she soon finds a way to turn the tables on her not-so-lovable relatives.
rating: r
rotten tomatoes: 89% critics, 78% audience
review: a lot of recent horror movies have let me down, but ready or not is refreshing for the genre. it has a compelling dark humor, as well as clever writing that both makes you laugh and keeps you on the edge of your seat. i highly recommend to any and everyone. it’s great! it’s not a tough watch and easily makes you want to pay attention without it feeling like a chore.
9. X
synopsis: a group of actors sets out to make an adult film in rural texas under the noses of their reclusive hosts, but when the elderly couple catches their young guests in the act, the cast finds themselves in a desperate fight for their lives.
rating: r
rotten tomatoes: 94% critics, 75% audience
review: it may take on the classic slasher formula, but ti west’s direction keeps it fresh. i will say it kind of meanders a little bit, but generally it’s a good time with some good kills and a nice slowburn that doesn’t leave you unsatisfied once the credits roll.
10. NOPE
synopsis: a man and his sister discover something sinister in the skies above their california horse ranch, while the owner of a nearby theme park tries to profit from the mysterious, otherworldly phenomenon.
rating: r
rotten tomatoes: 83% critics, 69% audience
review: jordan peele is amazing. nope is an alien horror flick that expertly builds suspense and keeps you locked in, even when you don’t want to be. some scenes in this film have disturbed me more than anything else i’ve ever seen. the alien itself is imposing and brings a sense of anxiety, and the characters are charming and witty. daniel kaluuya and keke palmer are fantastic leads. also, we love smart horror protagonists!
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Anthropomorphic view of cats or the better angels". Antique Lithograph Published 1842-53, Paris for "Scenes de la vie privee et publique des animaux" by Jean Ignace Isidore Gerard (J. J. Grandville Pseud). The cartoon shows a young female cat caught between the angelic and devilish division of her own nature.
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