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talltoontales · 3 months

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ToonMan #2: Delusions of Dust

[SP] You have a superpower to manipulate dust. Prompt by u/Sany_Wave (Reddit)

[Written on 01/14/2024]

(Heads up: A bit of a read)

I remember the day I met him. It was just another day on the job. Stopped some two-bit crooks, got chased by the ole A.I.D. task force, had a hotdog. Like I said, it was just another day of the week. Then I got the call...

The Pannel City Police Department surrounds the city hall. A massive crowd of civilians are held back by border tape and street cops. A bear of a man and a lanky woman, both well dressed, part through the crowd, their police badges like a hot knife through butter. On the other side of the border, the two are immediately met by a rugged older man wearing a bulletproof vest.

"Captain Kreg, Name's Jacobs," says the woman, "this is my partner, Wilhelm."

"Agent Wilhelm," Wilhelm corrects. Jacobs slaps him on the chest. The two exchange a quick glare. "We're from the- "

"Yeah, we know about A.I.D.," said Kreg, "figured your not-so-secret task force could give us a hand." The trio walks deeper into the chaos. Police officers, detectives, tech guys, all running around from one tent to the next, trying to figure out the situation. "About an hour ago, a man by the name of Piantog "Penn" Mitpen took the entire building hostage. The guy used to be a paper jockey for the old regime until he got fired for "inappropriate workplace behavior."

"Fancy way of saying whistleblowing," Jacobs chimes in.

"Hey, I just say what's on the report," says Kreg. "Anyway, those lucky enough to get out heard him ranting about how he'll "never be looked down on again," as well as some choice words about our former mayor."

"How does this involve A.I.D.," Wilhelm asks.

"Some witnesses claimed that Penn had a cloud of dust following him," Kreg answers. "I didn't put too much stock into it until a couple of guards came flying out the windows- "

"Let me guess," Jacobs says, "covered in dust?" Kreg nods in agreement. Jacobs turns to talk to Wilhelm. "So, what's the play?" Wilhelm removes his coat, revealing a harness holstering a futuristic gun.

"Description's too broad," says Wilhelm, "even set to a wide spectrum, the best our weapons can do is stun him if even that. Our best course of action is to mitigate tension until backup arrives. Let's push the perimeter back, as well as those news copters, and get an ETA on a negotiator. Maybe- "

"Look!" yells a random civilian. Everyone looks to the sky to see the Black and White hero, ToonMan, leaping overhead, his cape/jacket fluttering in the wind. He stretches his arm out, wrapping it around the tail of a passing news helicopter, and swings over the crowd and police. ToonMan lets go of the helicopter, aiming for the roof of city hall, but mistimed...everything.

"Oh boy," says ToonMan as he rockets through a second-story window. The crowd gasps as a wave of silence follows. A paper-white thumbs-up pops into the window frame. "I'm a-ok! Be back with the baddie in a minute." Once the stun of ToonMan's stupidity wears off, Wilhelm grabs the nearest radio he can find.

"This is Agent Wilhelm of the Augmented Individual Detainment Task Force," yells Wilhelm, "If you are not evacuating civilians, you are prepping to raid the city hall on my mark! We breach in five!"

----------

I was an idiot. It was all still a game to me then. I'd drop in, do some stupid bit, or say a dumb one-liner, beat the bad guy, and save the day. If I was a REAL hero, if...if I knew then what I know now, maybe...maybe...

In a large conference area, Rebecca Ward, Mayor of Pannel City, sits on the floor with her back up straight and her face held high. With several of her staff cowering behind her, she shows no fear nor panic as she stares down Mitpen. The five-foot man paces in front of the mayor, dressed in a slightly oversized beige suit, dirty blonde hair slicked back, and a cloud of grey dust wrapped around his shoulders like a boa.

"You know Rebecca, I always liked you," says Penn. Rebecca Reels back in disgust. "Oh please, as if I would settle for such an underachiever, but back to my point. You always had a way of getting what you wanted out of that old crone. If the rumors were to be believed, you only got as high as you did due to some- " Penn leans close to Rebecca's face. " - backdoor dealings."

Without missing a beat, Rebecca slaps Penn. Without moving, Penn's dust cloud envelops Rebecca's face, suffocating her. "Heh, but like always, I knew better. Rebecca drops to the floor as she struggles to breathe. Some of the staff behind her motion forward, but a large dusk cloud ring surrounds them, prompting them to sit back down. "I saw your potential. I saw how hard you fought just to be in the same room as all those other airheads! I thought, under my wing, you had the potential to be my right hand."

"And then you threw it all away, ratted me out, and ruined your chance to witness true greatness!" Rebecca starts to pass out. "Oh no, you don't!" With a flick of his fingers, Penn pulls the dust cloud from Rebecca and back around his shoulders. "You never took the easy way out before. Why start now?" Rebecca coughs up what dust remains in her lungs, hearing the faint sound of something shattering.

"You're nothing more than *cough* *cough* a delusional maniac!" Rebecca yells. "Your "blackmail" was nothing more than a conspiracy theory!"

"Not theory, fact!" says Penn. "You all feared my genius! Feared that when I took office, you ants would lose what little crumbs you had! That mailroom was my jail, and you were all my wardens!"

"I didn't even know you existed until you followed me into the women's bathroom," says Rebecca. Some of the staff groan quietly in disgust. "And started shoving documents in my face! You got yourself fired, and the only reason I didn't sue your ass is because I wanted nothing to do with you!" Penn straightens his oversized suit coat as he looks down in disappointment.

"hmph, then I guess I was wrong," says Penn, "I really thought you had what it took, but if you're not ready and willing to finish off your enemies the first chance you get..." A large wave of dusk towers over Penn, casting a shadow over Rebecca and her staff. "Then you're nothing more than dust under my boot."

*Knock* *Knock*

Everyone turns to look at the door. "Ah, the negotiator, perfect timing! I'm ready to announce my terms for your complete surrender."

"Sorry dude, just a Goober driver," says the chill delivery man, "got a special order for a Mr. Duck?" Rebecca and her staff stare in confusion.

"A last meal, how fitting for the deposition of a tyrant," says Penn, "by all means, come in!"

"Again, sorry, dude," says the delivery driver, "special orders come with special instructions. *Ahem* What did the five fingers say to the face?" Rebecca's eyes widened in realization.

"Excuse- " Suddenly, a fist slams through the doors at high speed, punching Penn square in the face and launching him backward.

"Get down!" yells Rebecca as she and her staff crouch, letting Penn fly overhead and crash into some chairs. ToonMan saunters into the conference room.

"Bon appetite, ya jerk!" says TooMan. Everyone cheers as they race out of the room. Rebecca trails behind.

"Go easy on him," says Rebecca, "He's not evil, just crazy."

"He'd have to be if he's trying to hold the mayor hostage while ToonMan's in town," says ToonMan. "Don't worry, Boss, I got this." As ToonMan walks toward Penn, Rebecca reluctantly joins her staff in escaping.

-----

Just before ToonMan could get close to Penn, a tornado of dust surrounded him, only allowing the hero to watch as Penn picked himself up.

“I’ll forgive you this one time, seeing as you might be unfamiliar with me, creature,” says Penn.

“Well, I hope you’re in a forgiving mood,” says ToonMan, “because there’s a lot more where that came from.”

“I doubt it,” says Penn, “You see, once I kill you, no one will stop me from taking what’s mine!”

“You know being mayor isn’t all ribbon cuttings and parades, right?” asks ToonMan. “I mean, more power to ya, shoot for the stars, but I’m pretty sure padded cells have more cushion than some of these chairs.”

“Oh, I agree,” says Penn as he starts circling ToonMan from the other side of the dust tornado. “My greatness cannot be limited to this pitiful excuse for a metropolis. The world will know who I am and learn to fear the mighty Sandzar!” ToonMan struggles to stifle his laughter.

“Man, you really just picked the first thing that came to your head, huh?” says ToonMan. “I mean, nothing screams, “Original OC, Don’t Steal,” more than looking up synonyms and mashing two together into something that sounds cool.” A vein swells on Penn’s forehead. “Might as well call yourself Dust Might.”

“Enjoy your final breaths, abomination!” yells Penn. “For what remains of your corpse will lay the foundation for my new empire!” The dust collapses in on top of ToonMan as Penn laughs maniacally.

“Soooo, is something supposed to happen or..?” asks ToonMan. Penn looks at ToonMan, stunned.

“Impossible!” yells Penn, “How are you still breathing?!”

“I mean, I’m not,” says ToonMan, “or at least I don’t have to. Breathing, eating, sleeping, they’re all kinda optional for me.” Penn goes from stunned to flabbergasted. “Wait, was that it? That’s your whole deal? Bad fashion and breathing problems?

“Shut up!” yells Penn, “I will not be belittled by blundering black and white buffoon.”

“Aww, you illiterate when you’re annoyed,” says ToonMan, “bet that makes ya feel real smart, huh, Dust Might?” Penn screams as he pulls the dust away from ToonMan into multiple clouds. The clouds then transform into spear-like objects.

“Let’s see how well you joke while full of holes!” yells Penn. The dust spears fly at ToonMan, scattering on contact.

“Wow, I felt absolutely nothing,” says ToonMan. Drool streams down Penn’s face as he bares his teeth at ToonMan while breathing heavily. “And I know I say that a lot for exaggeration while getting shot at, but I mean, literally, did not feel a thing.” With a skin-peeling shriek, Penn pulls all the dust around him onto his fist, forming a solid spiked gauntlet. Penn charges at ToonMan, punching him square in the chest to the sound of every bone in his hand and wrist breaking at once.

Penn drops to his knees, with nothing left but a pitiful squeak as he holds his limp hand. “Holy craft. That’s it, that’s all you can do isn’t it? Control dust. Not enhance it, not transform into it, not even *Stammering in disbelief* I dunno if there’s anything else you can do with dust, but if there is, you can’t do it! You only got here on intimidation and blinding amounts of self-confidence. I feel like that’s a better superpower than dust manipulation if I’m being honest.

ToonMan runs his hand across the top of his head when he hears the Police kick in the front doors. Look,” ToonMan continues, “normally I do this bit where the police try to catch me, and I use you as a distraction to escape, but I’m pretty sure your ego’s more shattered than your hand right now.” ToonMan launches his hand upward, opening a skylight. “So, I’m just gonna…best of luck to ya, Dust Might.”

And that was that. A.I.D. found Penn and had him sent to their secret prison after a speedy trial. Security footage was leaked showing Mayor Ward’s bravery in the face of danger, which helped her re-election campaign. The leak also forever branded Piantog "Penn" Mitpen as the Delusional Dust Might. He didn’t take that well. We all laughed at him for so long that we never noticed how dangerous he was becoming, nor how powerful. By the time any of us realized it was too late, I couldn’t stop Penn, and now none of us are safe.

#writing prompts #superhero #ToonMan #Dust Might #Crime's Punchline #writeblr #creative writing #writing #writers on tumblr

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terrifictoonman · 4 months

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~ToonMan: Comical Crime Fighter~

[WP] You have the superpower of slapstick comedy

Prompt by u/Paper_Shotgun (Reddit)

[01/12/2024]

It's a stormy evening in Pannel City. Colorful dots litter the sidewalks as people hurry home after a long day. Under the canopy of umbrellas, a hooded man weaves his way through the crowds, bumping into the occasional commuter. After bumping into an older man, the elder frantically checks his coat.

"Hey!" yells the old man. "Thief! Thief!" The thief picks up the pace but stops when he notices a cop car parking by the sidewalk. With an angry old man behind him and cops in front of him, the thief quickly dips into a narrow alley, sliding behind a dumpster. He peeks from behind it to watch the old man run past him, yelling at the top of his lungs.

With a sigh of relief and a narrow grin, the thief picks himself up, dusts himself off, and heads for the exit on the other side of the alley.

*SNAP*

The thief hears the snap as if it were inches from his ear. He jerks his head around, only to see nothing. Confused, the thief cautiously continues. Looking forward, the thief is now face-to-face with a grinning paper-pale man wearing a black domino mask. His matching ink-black hair flows down as his head hangs from his inhumanly long neck that seems to stretch over a nearby rooftop. The paper man smiles as his eyes motion toward the ground.

The thief sees a pair of black arms wrapped around his ankles like snakes around their next meal. The terrified thief looks back at the hanging head.

"Going up?" asks the paper man. The thief's screams echo into the sky alongside the paper man's head as multiple wallets drop to the ground.

----------

Officers Johnson and Huch help the old man up the steps of the police station. Inside, the old man notices the thief handcuffed to a chair just past the entrance.

"Lost a wallet?" says the desk clerk as he pulls a small basket full of wallets from under the front desk. "Just got some in fresh." The old man digs through the basket as the two officers talk to the desk clerk.

"That guy looks a lot like our pickpocket," says Huch, pointing at the thief.

"Wouldn't be surprised if he was," said the desk clerk. "Found him outside on my break with a bag of wallets tapped to his hands, and this tapped to his back." The clerk hands the two officers a note. "Tell me if it sounds familiar."

Hi! I'm Tyler Gross. I can't keep my hands to myself and need to be put in timeout.

The officers chuckle as they hand back the note.

"Well, it is a beautiful day to fill out some reports," says Huch, taking off her coat.

"Might take a while," says Johnson, "I'll brew up some coffee in the break room, grab a takeout menu while I'm at it. Got a feeling this might take up the rest of our shift."

"You two are unbelievable," says the clerk.

"Hey, you heard the chief," says Huch. "She wants the cuffs slapped on this guy ASAP. Not a second longer..."

"And not a detail missed!" Johnson continued. "We're just doing our jobs to the best of our ability."

While the officers continue to talk, the old man finds his wallet in the pile. He checks inside to make sure the contents are still there. He sighs in relief to find nothing's been taken but also finds a small note tucked in alongside his cash.

Hope you have a rock'n rainy evening! (Unless this isn't your wallet. Then please put it back.) Crime's favorite punchline -TM

Thanks for reading "ToonMan: The Comical Crime Fighter" hope you enjoyed the story! If you have any comments, critiques, or corrections, please let me know (as long as they're constructive (or funny)). Stay safe, keep warm, and be kind to yourself and others. ToonMan, AWAY!

#writing prompt #superheroes #ToonMan #creative writing #Crime's Punchline #writing #writeblr #writers on tumblr #Adventure #Action #Don't steal

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nefarious-616-necromancer · 5 months

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minie-mastermind · 3 months

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Joker of Earth 3?

The identity of Red Hood went around to a couple of different Gotham Heroes before Jack Napier took up the identity for a simple act of justice. Stealing money from a safe in ace chemicals, the manager fired all the staff he could before Christmas so he wouldn't need to pay Christmas bonuses. Some families didn't even make it through the winter that year, this money would go a long way to making sure the rest would. Originally a comedian Jack Napier only knew about Owlman as an urban legend to laugh at when brought up in serious conversation. He had even mentioned him in his act, so when he saw him in person and threw him into the acid it was the surprise of his life as well as the worst day of it. Horribly disfigured he couldn't go out without being obviously recognized and hunted by Owlman, so he continued his identity as the Red Hood as he seek to revenge. He went up against Owlman again and again and lost every time. The chemicals he had been doused in affecting his health actually gave him an idea, what if he wasn't the only Red Hood? The identity had been taken up by more than one person but never at the same time, so what if there was an army to fight against Owlman? So he started looking and finding plenty of people who hated Owlman enough to join. He kept Everything secret and everyone disconnected from each other so anytime I Owlman discovered one he wouldn't discover the rest.

These crimson avengers all go by their own call signs usually based around playing cards. Wild Card Aka Jack Napier being the head and organizer of the rest. Outlaw Aka Doctor Harleen Quinzel was a therapist that Arkham who treated multiple Red Hood's before joining the cause herself, quickly figuring out the identity of its leader through the sheer fact that they used to date in college. Card King & Queen Aka Duela & Dexter Dent usually working together joined quite young and grew up in your organization after their father's disfigurement. Jokster Aka Alexis Kaye grew up idolizing him from what she saw through the media, seeing the Red Hood as the ultimate symbol of rebellion against the corrupt system. Jester Aka Gaggy Gagsworth A. Gagsworthy had been travelling with the flying graysons before the accident and after a lifetime of hardship on the road wanted to see the world change for the better.

Fake identities were built as well to throw element off the trail of any of the actual members. Ones that owl man has discovered are Eric Border, Johann Kaiser, Oberon Sexton and A. Rekoj.

Even after the supposed death of its leader it would carry on into the future as a group dealing out street justice called the Hoodz.

#comics #dc #dc comics #earth 3 #crime syndicate #owlman #joker #harley quinn #jester #Jokster #punchline #gaggy #duela dent #dexter dent #earth 3 head cannon

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nightingale-wayne · 1 year

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R.I.P Kevin Conroy.

I can't believe how early you were taken from us. For so many of us, he is an important part of our childhoods, our now, and (for me) our special interests. Not a day will go by where the world will not be thinking of you.

You were the world's Batman. Our Batman. My Batman. And no matter what, you always will be.

You are vengeance. You are the night. You are Batman!

#rip kevin conroy #kevin conroy #batman #i cant believe it..#i truly cant believe hes gone #without batman #crime has no punchline

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swingsetindecember · 2 years

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rescue rangers is a weird film. i don’t know how it got made. it’s plot is like about the dangers of bootlegging and how to ignore police procedures and break into places without warrants or probable cause. it has a weird allegory that stinky cheese is like opium and like really just took every cartoon ip and threw it under the bus for one liners. it’s not even a rescue ranger film, i feel like it could have just been a generic cartoon 4th wall film and they decided to use rescue rangers because it’s a familiar ip and like if you were a fan of it as a kid like this movie just insults the original source material and is like trying to make another edgy cartoon that would fit in with family guy and south park.

like its bad.

i feel like originally it was like RESCUE RANGERS~! but like there was no script so they took a generic buddy cop film and just took unused snl jokes. like this isn’t for kids and it isn’t for rescue rangers fans. it’s like an snl bit that went on too long and like is like what if we had an ugly sonic joke? or a lego les miserables film joke or like batman vs et? like the joke is just saying the two ips. this feels like an episode of big bang theory. like the lost potential is there. it feels like just a paycheck for samberg and mulaney

#rescue rangers #there is a literal scene were the only black female police officer laments that her department can't solve the crime because of laws #like laws that you can't just arrest ppl without evidence #like copaganda #and like how the main villain is old peter pan and like disney has a history of doing the very thing with their child actor who played peter #its really tone deaf #you can tell this film was supposed to be out before 2020 because man its bad #disney owns everything and this film is just bad like direct to video bad #then they shoehorn in seth rogan and it feels like they're trying to shit on every cartoon ip #and they are like hey remember how disney fucked over bobby driscoll? well its our main punchline in the film #because the main villain is washed out old peter pan #considering it was written by the writers of himym i am not shocked

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irawhiti · 2 years

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hm. yeah i'm gonna need my mutuals to tag gangs the same way cults should be tagged tbh

#like don't get me wrong i'm genuinely glad that most people are so separate from stuff that they think it's a funny joke/punchline but #please think critically about this lol #this includes bikers/mafia/yakuza/cartel organised crime gang shit #most stuff gets caught by blacklisting mafia/yakuza/gang but not everything so #i promise the Cool Nice Gangs that are there to Help and Protect people aren't actually very good regardless of their public curated image #eg that one post about the all girls gang in japan that everyone was like omg i wanna join them!! about #and that one biker gang post about the guys who go around protecting kids in court by intimidating people a few years back #i'm not going to talk more on this just please trigger tag this shit

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marklikely · 1 year

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i havent seen any of the purge movies but i feel like i wont be able to take them seriously as scary films because the phrase "all crime is legal" is inexplicably so funny to me

#put it in the same camp as when halsey said High on Legal Marijuana to sound like. edgy? tough? jaded? who knows #i cant explain why it just feels like a punchline to me it makes me laugh.#avpost #uh oh guys watch out all crime is legal.#also don't the bad guys wear silly clown masks or smth.#my mental image of The Purge Villains is like the girls from spring breakers. or a version of the joker who's going to a rave #i mean if crime is already legal why do they even wear masks. you don't need to hide your identity #is it like complaining on social media . like its not illegal but if your boss finds out then they'll find an excuse to fire you anyway.#i should probably watch these what kind of fake horror fan am i but augh. not a big fan of early 2010s horror

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gaslightgatekeepgotham · 1 year

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Listen, as someone from the true crime community, we don't claim Punchline. Thanks to her, everybody side-eyes me when I say it's one of my interests. I don't even like the Joker! I just want to study Condiment King in peace!

honestly, you're the hero the true crime community needs but doesn't deserve.

#unreality #condiment king is so goofy #I can't take him seriously #condiment king #punchline #gotham true crime community #batman #gothamblr #gotham irl

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lesbian-batgirl · 1 year

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i think Punchline when considered in a vacuum is an interesting character concept, but unfortunately she is being written in a universe where Harley Quinn also exists

#punchline has a fun character backstory!#true crime podcaster who becomes murderously obsessed with the joker? cool concept!#but unfortunately dc obviously doesn't know what tf they're doing rn #also i don't like her ongoing that much but to be fair it only has 2 issues out #maybe it'll get better and i'll like it more #dc comics #punchline #harley quinn

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stylishanachronism · 2 years

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*screaming*

Anyway I am almost done with St Rhodri v everything, I painted myself into a corner and had to wait for the floor to dry but I think I’ve solved it.

#real talk how do you tag shit on ao3 #st atigenos is also coming along very well but I need a better punchline #the one I currently have is *mean* and I'm already being very mean to him #poor baby only deserves nice things which is why I murdered his mentor for wael's crimes

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isitcorrect · 6 months

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Something unremittingly bleak about a goddamn country starting "crisis actor" conspiracy theories to deny their crimes. A term invented to deny the deaths of children at Sandy Hook in 2012 is now used to deny the deaths of children in Gaza in 2023.

As the community note says, this isn't a crisis actor. This is a guy who posts on Instagram. A influencer who posts videos online of breaking events...is seen at a lot of breaking events. To Israel, this is a sign of a conspiracy. In fact, some of those images aren't even him, or aren't even related to Palestine at all; one image included in other posts targeting Saleh Aljafarawi is a Halloween costume from Thailand. That article says "pro-Israeli accounts" tweeted this, but it's the literal, official Twitter account of Israel posting this shit, next to their comedy sketches that somehow make trans people the punchline bc fascists only have one joke the whole world wide I guess

Like. It's not new for a government to deny the reality of its atrocities. It is new for that government to outright use a conspiracy theory term devised by Alex fucking Jones, or to, when called on doing so, defend it as a "meme" (also bizarre to see hardcore Zionists use a term crafted for especially antisemitic conspiracy theories). Everything rancid about the world in 2023 congealed into a single tweet, right here

#palestine #conspiracy theories #misinformation #gaza #debunking

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arafr12 · 10 months

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Worst inventions of all time:

5. Hydrogen Blimps

4. Feather Boas

3. Box Cheese Graters

2. Credit Scores

1. Fiber Glass

#no punchline #I just hate these things and want everyone to know #crimes against humanity

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alephskoteinos · 1 year

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"Wow, look at this AI turn Republicans into drag queens! 🤣🤣🤣"

(suddenly the liberal likes AI art, for some reason)

#liberal queerphobia #ai art #depicting the enemy as queer and then emphasizing that queerness only positions queerness as the crime or punchline of your enemy #there is nothing “progressive” about this

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ashotofogdensoldfirewhiskey · 2 months

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Conclusions

Ginny's run out of her good parchment and has been reduced to using something she dug out of the bottom of her trunk, hating the way her quill scratches over the rough surface. As though it isn’t punishment enough to be writing about History of Magic, she’s got to do it on this piece of rubbish.

“Bloody, buggering fu–” she swears as the point of her quill pierces a hole straight through her conclusion. Apt, probably - it had been flimsy at best. There’s a metaphor here, somewhere.

“Revision going well, then?”

The wry voice startles her so much that she nearly upends her bottle of ink all over her weak – in more ways than one – essay. “Fuck, Harry, I’d no idea you were there.”

She blinks up at him in surprise and finds him smirking, standing at the table she’s claimed in a corner of the library, looking adorably entertained by her plight. His bookbag is slung carelessly over his shoulder, his hair mussed, his stupid face made more handsome by the teasing lilt of his smile. Her heart flutters a bit, because that’s just what it always does with him. She ignores it valiantly, and hates him for it, a little.

“Sorry,” he says, though he sounds more amused than anything. “Mind if I sit?”

“Course,” she says, gesturing to the seat opposite. “Can’t guarantee there won’t be more swearing, though.”

He eyes her holey essay as he sits, jerking his head questioningly toward the parchment. “What’re you working on?”

“Something for Binns.”

“Ah, I’d be swearing, too.”

“Fucking hell, eh?”

They share a smile, and Ginny reckons she’d be better off writing an essay about that - the way she knows exactly when he’ll find something funny; the way jokes fall a bit flat when the punchline isn’t his eyes seeking her out, green and piercing and flickering with amusement. She’d fill the parchment with ease.

It’s easy to write about something you can’t stop reading into.

Just like she’s madly reading into the way he’s shown up here - no Ron, no Hermione - and sought her out, like it’s normal, like they’ve been doing this for years even though they haven’t. It feels like they have, though. That’s the worst part of it.

“What’re you doing here?” she asks, like he might just come right out and say it - to see you.

He doesn’t. She pretends that she can’t be disappointed by what she expects.

“Transfiguration,” he says darkly.

“Where’re Ron and Hermione, then?” she prods, picking at it like a scab, like a masochist. I wanted to get you alone, she urges him to say. I’ve been trying to all week and I haven’t even been subtle about it.

“Dunno,” he shrugs. Scabs bleed when you pick them, incidentally. “I can survive an evening without them, you know.”

“Can you? I don’t reckon your track record is all that spectacular on that front, if I’m honest.”

“Hey, I haven’t died even once.”

“Right,” she jokes. “Angling for a new nickname? ‘The Boy Who Hasn’t Died, Even Once’?”

He lets out a soft chuckle. “Rolls right off the tongue, that.”

“I’ll owl Rita for you. We can workshop something”

They smile.

She wants to shake him until he admits to it, confesses, like this thing brewing between them is a crime. She wants to lay all the evidence out in front of him, the aspiring Auror, and see what he makes of it. He can’t quip his way around the smiles and the banter and the looks he gives her. See, she’ll say, don’t you see?

He’s got shit vision.

They sit together for far longer than she’d planned to stay. At some point he adjusts in his seat, and his foot winds up touching hers, and he doesn’t even have the decency to move it. She fancies she can feel his warmth through their trainers, but no - it must be her own traitorous heart, frantically pumping warm blood to her foot like it’s the only part of her body that needs it, like the parts of her that aren’t touching him have ceased to matter because maybe they have.

Maybe she’s been distilled to the edge of her foot.

They talk about strategies for the Quidditch final, and OWLs, and argue playfully about which of her mum’s mince pies is the best. Ginny’s always fancied herself good at impressions, but she surprises even herself with her impression of easy nonchalance. All the while it’s building - each look, each smile, each easy joke they set each other up for feels like a firework she’s adding to the heap in her chest, ready to explode with the slightest spark.

You’ve got me alone, she tells him. Do something about it.

It’s nearly curfew. They start gathering their things, and still he hasn’t done anything. If he were any other boy, Ginny would cut through the bullshit herself, but something holds her back. She can’t fully articulate, unravel, why, but she needs him to be the one to admit it. She needs him to decide she’s worth the risk. He’s meant to be brave, isn’t he?

As she’s packing it away, Ginny remembers her abandoned essay, still punctured pathetically. She sighs, holds it up for Harry’s evaluation. “Think Binns’ll even notice?”

“Give it here,” he says, and she hands it over. He pulls his wand from his robes and waves it wordlessly, the gaping tear sewing itself together so it might never have been there. Ginny doesn’t know why she hadn’t thought to do that herself.

“Thanks. Only now, I’ve actually got to write a damn conclusion.”

He laughs and holds it back out to her. “You’re on your own.”

“Aren’t you meant to have a hero complex?” she quips, pushing the parchment back toward him. “Some useful saving-people thing? Have a go.”

To her immense surprise, he shoots her a wry smirk that sends a tingle through her stomach. “Alright.” He pulls out the quill he’d only just packed away, scrawls something at the bottom of her parchment, shielding it from view.

She’s gone utterly daft. Her heart is hammering in her chest, beating a tattoo on her ribcage; she wonders if her fingers are trembling as they reach across to take her essay back, fully convinced she’ll find the words Go out with me scribbled there.

In conclusion, he’d written, this essay is over.

She snorts, mostly at herself. She’s officially deluded. Cracked. What is wrong with her?

“Wow. Thanks for that,” she says drily. “How would Binns have known otherwise?”

He grins. “Anytime.”

“Totally unrelated, but do you offer refunds? Perhaps a voucher for another Harry Potter rescue at a later date?”

“Non-refundable. Sorry.”

“I’m going to be honest,” she lies. “I expected a better rescue than that.”

He shrugs. “You expect too much from The Boy Who Hasn’t Died, Even Once.”

She can’t help herself; she laughs. His eyes seek hers out - green, so green, twinkling with amusement and something that looks so fond. She’s going to set fire to the heap of fireworks in her chest, just to get it over with. She’ll explode in color, driven to madness by the boy who hadn’t died even once but who’d killed her, slowly, with smiles.

In conclusion, she thinks, I’m utterly fucked.

#hinny #canon compliant #hbp missing moment #it's still valentine's day somewhere #not here #but somewhere

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thecruellestmonth · 3 months

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Does the mass-murdering criminal Jason "Red Hood" Todd canonically support the death penalty?

No, I can't find evidence that Red Hood supports the death penalty.

There is a difference between murder (illegal) and state-sanctioned killing (legal). Red Hood commits unlawful homicide. The death penalty is lawful homicide. Jason is a murderer. The death penalty is not legally considered murder. Commissioner Jim Gordon is a decorated military veteran, not a murderer.

Committing violence ≠ wanting the government to have the right to commit that violence. Batman and his allies brutalize criminals; they don't necessarily support the state brutalizing criminals. Red Hood kills some criminals; Red Hood doesn't necessarily support the state killing criminals. Catwoman doesn't necessarily support the state committing burglary. Et cetera.

The death penalty is administered by the criminal legal system. Jason does not like the criminal legal system (see some of his run-ins with the police). He grew up as an impoverished child who didn't believe in the system, he was raised by Batman to believe that vigilantes can make a difference that the system can't, and he became an adult criminal who still doesn't believe in the system. He's not interested in using the criminal legal system. He isn't interested in giving more powers and privileges to an abusive system that has wronged him and the people he cares about.

When Jason started up his villain business, the death penalty was legal in Gotham City. (See Detective Comics #644, The Joker: Devil's Advocate, Batgirl 2000 #19, Punchline #1.) The death penalty was also in place during his Robin run. Jason didn't argue in favor of the state having the right to kill prisoners, and the death penalty never addressed his complaints about the status quo.

Jason has rescued people from wrongful* imprisonment and the death penalty. Again, based on his own firsthand experiences, he has many reasons to believe that the system is broken. *Some of us would argue that locking any people in prisons tends to be wrongful and inhumane by default, but we could choose to accept the standard premises of crime fiction as without endorsing it as moral instruction.

Jason Todd is a criminal: a mass murderer, a terrorist, a villain. He does evil. He doesn't represent or support the legal system. He probably has the least political capital out of all the Batfamily-associated characters. He doesn't promote the death penalty. He commits murder—illegally, as a criminal, state-unapproved.

Some recent comics related to the topic:

Gotham Nights (2020) #11 "One Minute After Midnight", written by Marc Guggenheim

Red Hood and Nightwing team up to investigate the case of a man wrongly convicted of murder and sentenced to be executed. Both of them disapprove of how the broken criminal legal system botched this case.

Joker: The Man Who Stopped Laughing #8 (2023), written by Matthew Rosenberg

"You familiar with Hannah Arendt's concept of Schreibtischtäter? Desk murderers? It's people who use the state to kill for them, so they don't have to get their hands dirty."

#Jason Todd #Jason Todd meta #Batfam meta #Batfamily meta #Batfam #Batfamily #Robin II #Batkids #Batman Gotham Nights #DC Robin #Red Hood #Joker The Man Who Stopped Laughing #Matt Rosenberg #canon vs fanon #fanon vs canon #panels #RHATO 2011 opens with Red Hood saving somebody from being unjustly executed. Don't read it. It is bad. Just trust me.#Jason Todd is legally dead and not registered to vote.#I could make a much longer post about Jason's general contempt for authorities but let's limit it today.#thecruellestmonth #I know the 1992-2010 comics purists are going to come after me for using recent comics.#I could make a much longer post about Post-Crisis Jason Todd's attitudes about the police and the state.#But that longer post still wouldn't have much to say about the death penalty--#--because--AGAIN--there is NO evidence that Jason supports the death penalty! But there is plenty of indirect evidence that he doesn't.#Do the words ''system''‚ ''state''‚ ''criminal''‚ and ''legal'' look like real words anymore?#ID in alt text #described #image described #ID in alt #image description

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