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#Can Childhood Trauma Cause Insecurity

konigsblog · 3 months

Note

Serious question, out of all the COD guys who do u think would cheat on their girlfriends/wives?

CW: NON-CON ELEMENTS, CHEATING, NARCISSISM/GOD COMPLEX. DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT – KÖNIG X F!READER

i'm gonna say könig, and it pains me to see him as a cheater, but i view könig to be almost narcissistic, becoming verbally abusive when he doesn't get what he wants.

he won't hesitate to use threats, threatening things such as, your relationship – that he'll get sex from someone else if you don't give in to his repulsive, sickening desires - that he'll find someone that can please and satisfy his depraved fantasies.

and although a part of könig deep down doesn't want to do this to his wife, he thinks with his cock, instead of his brain – thinking about how satisfied he'd be, so selfish when it comes to his fantasies.

he knows you're probably in pain, at the scent of cheap perfume on his marked neck, or the sight of him looking dishevelled when he comes home to you, tipsy and a mess, with lipstick stains along his collar, the crimson smeared across the white material. könig can see the sadness in your glossy eyes, the wetness on your cheeks as he caresses your face, cupping your jaw and pleading with you to not abandon him.

of course, he'll lie, tell you he was drunk – that if he was sober, he wouldn't dare lay a finger on another woman like he'd just done.

despite his desperate pleas and drunken lies, you see right past him. you're not stupid, nor going to fall for his useless attempts at fixing the situation. you knew all about his filthy thoughts, how he was desperate to re-enact them with someone. it was a complete lie he'd told you, and seeing him lie without hesitation, straight to your sobbing face, was enough for poor, little you.

due to könig's narcissism, he can't fathom how you'd ever think of leaving him – he could barely understand why you were so infuriated and mortified by his perverse actions, i mean, you're not that important in comparison to someone like könig – you had it coming, it was your fault, regardless of what he'd done.

könig likes to believe he's the most important thing ever created, the spitting image of a god, almost. that his disturbed desires should be fulfilled, without protests against it or struggles against his filthy, grimey hands.

the topic of divorce is always shut down – you're constantly silenced. your attempts at expressing your opinion are fruitless, ignored and blown off as könig lazily pours himself another shot of vodka with a grin curling the sides of his mouth, getting drunk rather than focusing on the stress and worries he's caused to his once beloved wife.

he'll try to convince you that he still adores you, as if that'll make you feel any better. in his drunken state, he's full of himself and believes you're just upset because you're insecure – or that you're jealous, fearing you'll be replaced. although, that's not your concern – your concern is his disloyalty and his betrayal of trust.

könig has been with you long enough where you know every little thing about him; his childhood, trauma, or his disturbing and frightening thoughts. he'd have to keep you for himself.

divorce isn't an option, schatzchen...

#orla speaks #konig x you #konig x reader #konig x y/n #könig x you #könig x reader #könig x y/n #könig cod #könig call of duty #konig smut #könig smut #könig headcanons #konig hcs #konig headcanons #tw: cheating #tw: non con #tw: dark content #dead dove do not eat #dead dove fic

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harmoonix · 7 months

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⚷ Chiron Notes - Astrology ⚷

🌱 Chiron (⚷) in your birth chart can represent multiple things, for most of us, it repsents your wounds, physical or spiritual and the way you manage and heal them. Chiron (⚷) is our inner "healer/shaman". 🌱

The applying aspects for this post are: (⚷)

Conjunct

Trine

Sextile

Sqaure

Opposition

Quincunx/Inconjunct

Quintile

🍃 Chiron - Sun indicates a sensitive healing process to the native, they may have issues or wounds related with their dad, their personality/ego, they may stay in the shadow watching others while the others are ignoring them, they can be very sweet people once you start to know them. They may have wounds connected to their own persona, to your own mind and spirit 🍃

🍃 Chiron - Moon indicates a deep wound in your soul that you may have it from childhood or when you were younger, it may indicate wounds related to your mother/grandmother and problems with your own feelings. You can often doubt your feelings, you tend to often ignore the things that cause you pain thinking that will solve everything, but sometimes your feelings matter more than anything 🍃

🍃 Chiron - Mercury indicates a deep wound related to your speech, your communication, the way you express yourself. You can be prone to social anxiety or anxiety in talking with others, you can often be shy in others presence. Try to listen to healing music, that can often help you with your thoughts and feelings, if you find yourself having a good time listening to healing music they definitely help 🍃

🍃 Chiron - Pluto aspects, indicate the "Phoenix" myth. That once they are hurt, they reborn into better versions with themselves. They have a powerful healing but it may come with their own struggles such as feeling too clingy or wanting to be clingy/too attached for others and sometimes you tend to put others above you. With this aspect you have a great inner healing that takes you to an ultimate state of mind where you may choose if you choose yourself or if you choose others instead. Once you are reborn you feel like a new person

🍃 Chiron - Mars aspects indicate wounds related to your own anger, frustration, and your own confidence, some people with these aspects may develop anger/angry issues, they may get angry fast. They may give an angry person vibes when they are in the mood though. And some of them may have the fear of losing things 🍃

🍃 Chiron - Venus indicates, here Chiron is highly sensitive, it can be wounds connected to the way your view yourself as your image, the way you love yourself, the way you treat yourself, but the way you handle love relationships, you may be insecure in relationships and in your partners. You may suffered in your past relationships that left you with a trauma to love, but the most important, you may had enough love to love others but they couldn't give the same love back

🍃 Chiron - Ascendant (Rising) - indicates problems/wounds with viewing yourself, you may see yourself in a very negative imagine. You may not trust yourself enough, you may have problems with your body, some people can develop eating disorders, some people can develop anxiety about their body or about the way they look, this aspect shows healing inside and out in your body 🍃

🍃 Chiron - North Node aspects most time indicate a healing journey that's ready to start, spiritual and body healing are both needed in this journey, take as much time as possible and listen to your intuition. Take mediation as a healing key

🍃 Chiron - South Node aspects, here we take some steps back to your past life, something in your past life caused you pain and suffering, sadly some traumas have been coming into your current life from your past life, do you often have experiences of deja-vu? Takes these as signs, most times your own wound is right in front of your eyes 🍃

🍃 Chiron aspecting the asteroid Nessus (7066). Chiron here can mean many things, because asteroid Nessus is an violent one It can show violence, abuse, in worst cases (r@pe) which takes some time to recover and I hope nobody ever experience that. Nessus aspecting Chiron DOESN'T mean that you will get these things in your life, it means some people may went through this in their lives. Sometimes astrology is dark and it can show things we didn't know about, with Chiron aspecting Nessus which mostly indicates abuse, can indicate your soul can heal from that thing only if you learn to let it go, you have to let go off your past in order to heal yourself 🍃

🍃 Chiron aspecting Neptune shows a wound related to their creativity, you are talented but you may fear people may not like that, and that can cause you pain sometimes, you may experience prophetic dreams that can be signs to you 🍃

🍃 Chiron - Saturn indicated wounds to authorities, but in most cases most of the natives with these aspects have strict parents and they could've have been raised in a strict household where there could be some authorities you didn't got so along with. You fear of failing/or being seen as a "failure". You may have wounds connected to your father again aswell, you may experience anxiety/panic attacks and fear of letting your past to go 🍃

🍃 Chiron - Jupiter aspects, a really good point about them is that they have this inner "optimism" that keeps them alive, and their hope for getting/being better. You can heal faster than others with these aspects. Especially if you have harmonious aspects you have more energy to heal. With negative aspects the energy is still to heal fast but it may face some challenges. They may be hopeless at times, and at other times to be the type of people who can achieve anything. They have powerful mindsets and goals

🍃 Chiron - Uranus aspects, may show off as different and people often think to them as the person who doesn't always shows much, because to you, your wounds and your suffering can come in unexpected ways. You may be seen as someone who doesn't show their emotions entirely which you're not to blame for. You are very transformative, going through a stage to the others, gaining experience and evolving your soul. You see the world with different eyes and you want to help it make it better 🍃

🍃 Chiron - Lilith (h12) aspects. You may feel trapped with your own sexual desires, or with your own sexuality, these aspects tend to show only the mask of their feelings, ignoring their own. Sometimes you may have the need for intimacy but also the fear of rejection, both these things can cause you a deep wound. You may not feel yourself if you're not in your own energy which you mostly need to be in most times. Your desires may come and go, but only you know what your heart truly seeks for 🍃

🍃 Chiron - aspecting asteroid Juno (3), in some cases people with these aspects tend to attract people who have wounds aswell as they have, like a magnet your partner can be mirroring your own wounds,fear and traumas. But in some cases the relationship can be a healing key, like healing and transformative waiting for eachother to grow and to be bounding. Sometimes it can happen for your partner to not understand your wounds or to be confused about it, and that can cause you tension and overthinking about your relationship. In my opinion try to heal the wounds/traumas you have before entering in a relationship. If you are in a relationship and you have traumas/wounds try to make it work together with your partner 🍃

🌱 Healing is always a key to happiness 🌱

🌱 Have a good Monday and a great week to everyone who reads my notes. Stay grounded and listen to mother's nature melody!!🌱

And remember that an broken soul is not broken is just waiting for you to heal it 🌱🌱🌱

Yours truly, Harmoonix 🌱

#astrology #astro observations #birth chart #astro fyp #astrology observations #astro notes #placements #astro community #horoscope #fyp tumblr #astrology fyp #chiron #chiron notes #chiron aspects #healing #happiness #mother nature #meditation #shadow work

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whimsicalpoet44 · 2 years

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Placements that I think are tough to have & why.

Here's more astrology observations.

**These aren't bad placements. Every placement has positives/negatives to them. I just find these placements to be quite challenging and can take more effort or intentionality than others to work through**

4th House Aries (Especially in the IC): The fourth house is the house of family/home. Aries in the fourth can indicate a really difficult childhood, particularly when it's related to the mother. They may have had a parent that was really impulsive or aggressive that made them responsible for their emotions. As a result, emotional regulation may be something they struggle with and expressing their emotions can make them feel vulnerable. Aries IC can indicate that there's a lot of generational trauma left over from their ancestors that they're having to undo. Positives? They can make quick decisions when necessary and can take charge of family matters with ease.

8th House Placements: The 8th house rules death, re-birth, long term investments, and transformation. That's a lot of heavy themes in one house. They may struggle with loss/grief in more than one area of your life. They say 8th house placements are like a Phoenix - constantly burning themselves down to emerge anew. That can be quite exhausting. I also find that 8th house placements cause an unbalance in personal power. They may spend a majority of their life figuring out how to balance energies. Positives? They make great psychologists, they're super analytical, and they aren't afraid to broach topics others may stray from.

Capricorn/Aquarius Rising: Two words: Saturn ruled. Self reliance can be a good thing, but these placements are often forced to take care of themselves from a young age. Saturn is the planet of restrictions, self-discipline, and self-sufficiency. Often times, our lessons in Saturn are things we must learn alone. Saturn ruled charts have this energy times ten. They face a lot of lessons throughout life. The positives? Natural leaders, persistent, and capable of achieving just about anything they set their mind too, because Saturn has shown them that they can do it alone.

Scorpio Rising: They're ruled by Pluto - the planet of death/re-birth/transformation (much like the 8th house). Saturn ruled charts and Pluto ruled charts have a lot in common. Scorpio Risings are often used to bring about change in different settings. The theme of their life is often growth and transformation - at any expense. They're very private and they trigger others very easily. They may find it difficult to open up to others and may feel a general distrust of others as a whole. They can feel chronically misunderstood. The positives? Literal human lie detector and extremely intuitive.

5th House Chiron: Chiron is the thing we have trouble healing in ourselves, but what we can do a great job healing in others. The fifth house is the house of the inner child/creativity/hobbies/joy. They can be insecure about their creative ability and have a huge lack of joy. This can be traced back to childhood. Someone could have told them they couldn't do something or that they were bad at a particular skill. They second guess themselves a lot as a result. They can also experience a ton of guilt and shame for being happy or having fun. The positive? They can inspire others to be creative when they heal.

Moon Conjunct Saturn: Saturn wants to discipline. The moon wants to nurture. They can feel intense feelings of shame/guilt from reflecting on ways they behaved in the past. It's also an indictor of a harsh childhood and they can internalize their parents wishes/dreams as their own (Saturn = Father | Moon = Mother). There's a constant fear of never reaching their full potential and they can often avoid rest because they don't feel like they're being productive. They also take life really seriously and they're super sensitive. (Remember that sensitivity isn't always bad thing.) The positives? They have a lot of discipline surrounding their emotions and they have a great sense of humor (probably from the trauma).

Aquarius Sun: They don't like being told what to do or think (which can be good), but they can often stay rooted in their old beliefs if they feel someone is pushing their opinions onto them (even though they insist that they're open minded). They can also sometimes end up stuck in a harmful belief system if they feel it's not the norm so they can retain their "unique" persona, rather than actually ask themselves what they believe. (Literally every Aquarius man I've encountered, but this can manifest in anyone with an Aquarius sun). They love people as a whole, but struggle with people on an individual level. They think more in a big picture way, but struggle with the small picture. They can also see everything that needs to be fixed in society, but struggle with the fact that they cannot fix it (leaving them feeling powerless.) The positives? They're unique. They're comfortable with the unusual. They stay true to themselves and who they are.

Gemini Anything: GEMINIS: you are only on this list because of the stigma that follows Gemini's. If you google the most hated sign, you'll get Gemini. Being a Sagittarius, I freaking love Geminis. But they have such a stigma. They can sometimes be impulsive, inconsistent, or indecisive. They also hate routine. I think this is how they get the stigma, because most people have a narrow minded view of how these can present. The positives? They have great charisma and they're usually artistic. They're witty, curious, funny, and passionate. (This is a Gemini love post, let's be honest.) Do some Gemini's present in the stereotypical way? Sure. But I find that many write off all Gemini's and develop a fulfilling prophecy about their intentions.

#astrology observations #astro observations #astrology #scorpio rising #aries astrology #gemini #aquarius #5th house #chiron #capricorn rising #aquarius rising

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whetstonefires · 2 years

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jiang cheng is a funny character because i fully support either liking him or not liking him, but i see so many takes (especially when he shows up in a supporting role in fic) that seem completely unhinged until i pin down which of what i consider the fundamental facts of his character are just not being applied at all.

it’s like:

1) this is not a mentally well guy, especially after Plot starts happening, and he spends the entire story getting less okay. the only time we ever see any improvement happen in jiang cheng is when wei wuxian piths himself getting the guy out of his suicidal phase, causing many more problems going forward but fixing that one. jiang cheng is not okay and it’s all downhill.

2) he cares so fucking much. like you can write a jiang cheng who is a deeply selfish bastard and you have an excellent textual basis, but it's not because he doesn't care about other people, at least the ones that are his; that's a different kind of problem than the one he has.

he would in fact be less of a problem a lot of the time if he cared less, because he does not have the emotional management tools to be useful about it. also the narrative is conspiring against him but like.

(there are a lot of ways to be selfish and jiang cheng and lan wangji are actually remarkably similar in the basic type of selfish impulses they have. they just have very different childhoods and values shaping how they act about it. and then lan wangji manages to become a mostly functional adult, while jiang cheng is generously an electrified pile of bad coping mechanisms. he's functioning! but like. at what cost.)

3) jiang cheng is dutiful. even the most selfish jiang cheng is someone who perceives and values himself in terms of his function and obligation; he and wei wuxian have different personalities and worldviews, and for that matter expectations placed on them, but they both learned that lesson, presumably together.

4) sort of an extension of 1 and to a lesser extent 2, Jiang Cheng is emotionally insecure as a base state. his parents made some major errors, at least half of which should have been avoidable except they would have had to deal with their own shit first.

it's not out of the question, in a different lifetime where he didn't get several years of compounded irresolvable traumas as his coming-of-age present and then left alone to stew in pain and denial for over a decade, for him to have learned to handle it better and even mostly get over it! that could have happened! it just didn't.

to an extent he's insecure about different things as a grown man than he was as a boy, life experience makes a difference. he's built confidence about some things and become absolutely shattered about others. but he's a person who is easy to wound, in all kinds of complicated identity-related ways, especially by Wei Wuxian specifically, and his kneejerk response to that is to lash out in reply, whether the wounding was intentional or not.

the fact that Wei Wuxian spent most of their lives giving every evidence of being completely immune to being harmed by this reaction masked its toxicity until things got real ugly real fast.

jiang cheng absolutely has the capacity to not do this! it's a deeply rooted bad habit, not actually a fundamental of his character. but it requires self-awareness, will, and (if he's going to keep it up) a lot of practice. it's not the kind of thing that just goes away on its own, even with a bunch of alterations in context.

i don’t have like a closing argument here i just keep finding that takes on jiang cheng that don’t work for me, whether generous or condemnatory, always seem to disagree with me on one of these main points.

#mdzs #cql #jiang cheng #hoc est meum #meta #honestly i'm unable to interpret wangxian entirely in isolation from #the way parts of wwx's character were formed by codependency with jc in their youth #so i keep coming back to jiang cheng even when i don't intend to #i wasn't going to post this lol #but then my browser crashed #and i pieced it back together using textarea cache plugin #and now i don't want to waste the effort #i earnestly believe that jiang cheng is the deuteragonist of the tragedy #that gets superceded by the gay romcom where lwj is deuteragonist #which i think is the funniest use of genre meta as character subtext i have ever seen

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rocketturtle4 · 3 months

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City of Stars is starting to drive me a little crazy…anyone else??

Okay so I have no idea how many people are watching this show but this weeks ep (#6) cemented for me that this show is intentionally playing with us, the BL audience, and our expectations of BL.

We have been presented and consistently shown mature, down to earth characters who express their emotions, communicate, help each other, mess with each other, and basically act like rational adults.

And yet this week for a full 2 minutes, I fully believed Krom had taken one look at the strange man in Fueangs bedroom and run straight back home with his mother’s caution echoing inside his head.

But he didn’t and Feaung explained and later we even got Krom being UP FRONT about his insecurities!!

I felt a bit like a new faen being put through trust exercises by my too good to be a true lover.

This was the most extreme example but it’s done it in a ton of other ways too, just in this ep we had things including

Ooops sent the wrong clip, will the friends explode and ruin the relationship

Will Feaung be mad that the friends know

Oh the parents know, now what??

Unequal understanding of the date! Now what?

You know how many of these caused explosions? NONE

Last week we had “Feungs big secret” as a driving force for concern but the show turned that on it’s head too!

And it did it by making fun of everyone being able to sing

This show is picking up the BL tropes, the BL mold and showing it to us like: THIS? This is what you’ve been dealing with in the past? And don’t get me wrong, I have a spreadsheet that just hit 165 BLs to very much prove I like the model.

But this show

This show is taking a trope and making it real,

or making fun of it,

or both.

Have I lost you?

That guitar scene at the end was a great example, Thai BL boys seem to take guitars wherever they go and pull them out at the drop of a hat. This show:

Made fun of that trope by making Fueang bad at singing

Added depth to that trope by making it a result of childhood trauma

Threw in some communication

And voila a guitar scene that was an emotional HIGH, regardless of your opinion on singing.

This show is saying TRUST ME, we aren’t going to steer you off a cliff,

(even as it laughingly might grab you by the shoulders and push-pull you at the edge just to see you panic for a moment lol)

I am having a very good time with it, I have no idea how we’re going to pan out, and given the reoccurring fakeouts I am now highly suspicious of it’s intro scene in ep 1. But I am seriously starting to trust this show. I feel like I can take my hands of the rails throw them in the air and enjoy the ride

Anyone coming?

(Don't get me wrong, the tropes are stil everywhere)

#City of Stars #City of Stars the series #Thai BL #rturts is wondering

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lynn-writes-things · 2 years

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Ok you touched upon it in your GOD TIER relationship writing but could you do headcanons for the jjk men that focus on how possessive and/or jealous they are with their partner? ☺️ Thanks

oh ASBOLUTELY I can!! thank you for the request!! :) I'm lovin' these haha

jealousy, jealousy - jjk men

starring: Yuji Itadori; Megumi Fushiguro; Yuta Okkotsu; Toge Inumaki; Noritoshi Kamo; Satoru Gojo; Suguru Geto; Toji Fushiguro; Naoya Zenin; Choso Kamo; Ryomen Sukuna

cw: some of these get pretty suggestive!! ; very very very brief mention of a knife k!nk in Toji's, but I promise I did not elaborate at all I promise <3

Yuji Itadori:

1/10

he only really gets jealous if you're laughing at some guy's jokes if he doesn't already know him, cause he likes being the person to make you laugh the most :(

ngl he gets a teensy bit pouty even if one of his friends make you laugh harder than he does :((

he's not overbearing tho, he gets that you're your own person and can talk to/laugh with whoever you want, but he might get a bit irked every now and then

he'll probably come up and throw his arms around you, or kiss your cheek, and tbh he's such a social dude that he'd probably start talking to the guy

(tbh they'd probably become friends, it's Yuji, man just goes around being his sweet himbo self and ends up collecting a new buddy everywhere he goes)

Megumi Fushiguro:

7/10? mayyybe 8/10?

he's super insecure in himself, having such a rollercoaster of an upbringing will do that to ya'

idk he just doesn't see himself as being as he really is, he's got a lot of childhood trauma that keeps his self-confidence stunted

(because evidently Fushiguro men cannot grasp the concept of therapy)

he'll either come up and grab your hand/pull you into a side hug or somethin' along those lines

nothing too extreme, he's not big on pda ya know?

OR he gets really pouty and reserved

you'll have to get him alone and ask him what's wrong, pls help him figure out how to talk through his problems dude, he needs the helping hand

reassurance and affection will fix him right up, don't you worry!!

the key to fixing a pouty Megumi is just lots of love <3

ngl if you're gonna throw in some minimal spice here, he'd totally be the type to mark you up that night (probably not anywhere too visible, he's still Megumi, still a very easily flustered baby boy <3)

Yuta Okkotsu:

2/10

he's got a bit of insecurity in himself, but ever since making friends with his classmates he's really gotten better with his confidence!

sure, dating you kinda shook his nerves back up, but he trusts you completely, he doesn't think you'd ever cheat on him, so he doesn't really get too worried about it ya know?

that's MOST of the time

sometimes someone will just rub him the wrong way and he'll step in, usually just kinda hugging you from behind or kissing your cheek/forehead or somethin' like that

he'll definitely make a point of calling you by a cute petname while doing it too

like a lil' "Hey baby!" or "Hi, love!!" :) <3

Toge Inumaki:

7/10, bordering an 8/10

he's just.. insecure :(

between the seals on his mouth and his limited speech, he just doesn't really feel like he can give you the kind of love that you deserve

cause he's too worried about uncovering his mouth to kiss you in public, and he can't fucking talk to you

it just makes him feel bad, like you deserve better

that being said, he doesn't wanna lose you, so he will absolutely fight for you if someone tries to flirt with you

he's got no issue with other forms of pda, so he'll come over and wrap his arms around you, put his head on your shoulder, or he'll just straight up grab your arm and pull you away (not hard, baby boy would never ever hurt you)

he might get pretty pouty tho, probably get pretty in his own head about it

so you'll have to kiss him and hold his hand and reassure him that you love him, that he's more than enough for you, and that you'd never want anyone else - just him <3

now.... I have touched on this......

if Toge can TELL that you're playing it up and TRYING to make him jealous?

ngl it kinda turns him on if you're doing it on purpose lmoa

this mf is NOT afraid to leave visible hickeys <3

let's just say he's gonna make damn sure that you know you are his <3

Noritoshi Kamo:

hmmmmmmmmmm, 5/10? maybe?

idk it's hard to gauge with him cause he refuses to act on his feelings for the sake of saving face publicly

like he absolutely gets jealous, but he'll never really show how jealous he is

he'll just kinda come up and say that he needs you for something

or generally come up with an excuse for you needing to leave

if he's REALLY jealous then he'll lead you away with his hand on your wrist or arm

he's definitely the type to talk to you about it once you're alone together

you won't have to force it out of him (like a certain somebody) cause he wants to clear things up right away

he's got enough stress goin' on, he doesn't want your relationship to be stressful too, so he's big on communication <3

he's a verrry affectionate guy in private, so if you reassure him of your love and give him lots of cuddles and kisses then he'll relax and be happy <3 :)

Satoru Gojo:

9/10 if you add in the possessive factor

if we take away the possessiveness, mayyyybe closer to like a 4/10

Gojo is one cocky son of a bitch, but he is also a fucking ball of bottled up trauma, ya know?

he trusts you as much as he can, but again, trauma comes into play here

man has deep rooted trust issues and until he properly addresses and works through them with you, he can't allow himself to fully trust that you won't leave him out of nowhere too

ANYWAYS

he's good at fronting ya know? so if someone's making him jealous, he's apt to just cling to you like a child and flash the dude the cockiest fuckin' grin after he kisses your cheek super obnoxiously (we're talking full blown "shmack!" noises)

"Made a new friend, my lil' mochi? Whatcha talkin' about? Hm?"

nowwwww if you TRY making him jealous, he will not take the bait

he will simply wait until you are alone (even if that means dragging you into a closet somewhere) and uh... he'll make sure everyone in a nearby radius hears you say exaactly who you belong to <3

Suguru Geto:

ahhhhh, the cunning, conniving, cocky bastard himself <3

0/10 tbh

like I said in the other post, he's too confident in himself and in his trust for you to really get jealous

he is possessive tho, but in a really cocky way??

if he sees someone getting a lil too friendly with you, he'll come right up and sling his arm around you, kiss your temple, and just join right into the conversation

if the guy stops talking (cause Suguru is fucking intimidating with how calm and collected he carries himself) then he's very quick to fill the silence

"Oh, don't stop on my account. You were saying? Something about how nice my baby looks, right? Go on, continue, aren't they stunning?"

all the while he's got this mf look in his eyes, his smug ass grin, he doesn't even have to say anything to get the message across

"Bet you wish you were me, huh?"

ngl there's also a quiet implied threat, like he's daring the guy to actually speak up

alternatively he will give you a look

I'm thinkin one eyebrow slightly raised, unamused expression

this mostly happens if you're the one trying to make him jealous

all in all this look of his towards you has a very clear message of "Get over here now or you will regret it"

yes sir 🛐

Kento Nanami:

another 0/10

not the jealous type, he trusts you completely and he's pretty confident in himself

he's very good at communication, and he's willing to do anything to make things work, so he's not worried about anyone stealing you away from him

the only time I can really see him stepping in is if someone's flirting with you and you're clearly uncomfortable and the guy isn't letting up

it's then that your big strong prince charming will swoop in and put his arm around you, or just kinda step in front of you and firmly tell the guy that you are taken

Nanami can be a pretty intimidating guy when he wants to be, so it's very likely that the guy will back off

if not? well, Nanami knows how to fight, and he isn't afraid to get his hands dirty if it means saving you from some creep <3

oh-ho, but if you try to make him jealous? giggling, maybe throwing in some light touches to the guy's bicep or somethin?

he knows what you're doing. ha.. haha.... oh honey, you ain't walkin' tomorrow :)

Toji Fushiguro:

hehe

10/10, possibly an 11/10

like I said, my man's a double whammy, he's jealous AND possessive

he trusts you to the best of his abilities, but it's very very hard for him, ya know?

everyone who was supposed to love him growing up only ever hurt him, then the one person who he loved, who taught him how to love and to be loved, fucking died

so, he's scared, trusting somebody scares the hell out of him, but he does trust you as much as he can let himself (it'll get better as time goes on, but ya know, it's just gonna take a bit)

basically what I'm getting at here, he's still not totally certain that you're gonna stick around (and quite honestly, he doesn't know why you do in the first place)

he is also MAD possessive tho, you are his and he does not intend on sharing <3

if he sees another man so much as look at you twice then he's pulling you closer, wrapping his arm around you, kissing you, throwin' out lil "Hey there, doll" and stuff like that

if you happen to be away from him (say he went to the bathroom or something) and comes back to see some guy with you, if you look even mildly uncomfortable, or if he can see you trying to get the dude to leave you alone, and he won't.......

hehe, that dude is gonna be napping for a bit! ......on the ground! ...........in the middle of the bar! ......he might wanna invest in some concealer for the black eye tho :')

he's scared you're gonna leave, but make no mistake, nobody is fuckin' takin' you from him without a mf fight

no matter the circumstance, a jealous Toji is a very good assurance that you uh.. yeah.. yeah I think you get where I'm goin' with this

he is not afraid to leave visible marks on that pretty neck of yours <3

ngl my knife k!nk is gonna scare people away here so I'm just gonna keep that on inside! use your imagination!! :)

Naoya Zenin:

8/10

he's honestly a pretty insecure guy who tries to act overly confident to mask it cause his clan taught him that any signs of weakness will make him unworthy

his family is just so damn strict with him, always has been, always making him feel like if he makes one slight wrong move then he's just a total fuck up

that translates to his relationship with you, he's terrified of making a mistake, he's constantly overthinking things and feels like he's screwing things up with you all the time

he just never feels like he's "good enough"

that being said, if someone's gonna try and steal you from him, they're in for a fuckin' fight

much like Toji, he may be insecure, but he loves you too much to let anybody take you away from him <3

if someone's flirting with you - hell, if some guy so much as looks at you wrong - he's grabbing you and kissing you

not a peck, no, he'll kiss you like it's the last thing he's ever gonna do

he's gonna leave you breathless and EVERYONE is gonna know that you're his <3

Choso Kamo:

1/10

I was gonna give him a 0/10, but I started thinking more about this

he's not quite a cocky man, but he is very sure of himself and confident

and for him to love you means that he trusts you completely

but he knows that he's kinda.. not really up to date on a lot of things

he wonders a lot why you'd rather be with him than someone who can relate more to you and understand your little references

(help, now I'm just picturing Choso as fucking Steve Rodgers, after you start introducing him to more media he'll just start fucking going "I understood that reference!!" and be so proud of himself)

ANYWAYS

like I said tho, he isn't much a jealous guy, but he is cautious, so he'll step in if he sees you talking to a guy he doesn't know

either just stands by you lookin' all intimidating, or he'll wrap his arms around you

he won't say anything to the guy, I think he'd just kinda stand there (menacingly), givin' the guy a look

if he does recognize the guy then he's a lot more chill about it, unless the guy happens to be a known slut like Gojo or Geto

even then, he knows they won't try anything if he's by you, so he'll just be a lil extra clingy <3

Ryomen Sukuna:

0/10 for jealousy, 1000/10 for possessiveness

ain't NOBODY touching you <3

some guy dares to flirt with you? haha, hey buddy, how's hell treatin' ya?

if he's in a good mood then murder can be avoided, but the guy will prooobably be scared shitless when faced with a big scary Sukuna giving him a death-glare

big scary guard dog <3

he also doesn't ever leave your side because of his possessiveness, like he is always right there, always holding onto you in some way or another

you are his and he will not fucking share <3

no one shall even have the slightest chance <3

oh, but I mean, obviously if he gets even mildly riled up, he's obviously gonna have to "remind you" that you're his, and his alone :) <3

#jjk x reader #yuji itadori x reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #yuta okkotsu x reader #toge inumaki x reader #noritoshi kamo x reader #satoru gojo x reader #suguru geto x reader #kento nanami x reader #toji fushiguro x reader #naoya zenin x reader #choso kamo x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader

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yuri-is-online · 4 months

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I’ve been skimming through fluff fics lately, and a fun little realization popped up in my mind. It’s not often people talk about the downs in a potential relationship with the twst boys. For the sake of a more realistic perspective, I’ve got to ask. Who do you think is most likely to unintentionally hurt Yuu and why? - 🦐

Hello my shrimpy friend! So nice to hear from you, hope you're doing well. Fan fic in general isn't very focused on portraying the negative parts of a relationship because it's a form of escapism. People don't necessarily want to picture themselves in a bad spot in a relationship if they already are in one in real life, yk?

That being said making mistakes is part of any relationship so I do have some thoughts! They/them used for Yuu as always, this is angst so proceed with care.

Azul- he doesn't have the healthiest mental framework surrounding friendships, and you do need to be friends with your SO to have a solid relationship. An actual relationship with Yuu would probably have a bumpy start as you two try to feel out what the dynamic is actually supposed to be. Take it slow and everything will be fine, but there might be some hurt feelings along the way. And a lot of assumptions from other people about your relationship that don't help either of you.

LEONA- he's a rude ass bitch who doesn't have great manners I am so sorry to this man. To be fair though I think a lot of that rudeness would be something that would take place before the actual relationship, because I firmly believe if it's pointed out to Leona by his partner that he has communication issues he's more than willing to work on that with them. He would be a good boyfriend! It's just all the conversations up to the actual going out that's painful and might ruin what he wants before he actually gets it.

Riddle- so I don't think Riddle's treatment of Yuu is what might hurt them exactly, his issues as always have to do with his mother. He needs to figure out exactly how he wants to deal with his childhood trauma and his adult relationship with her, but that's going to take a lot of time and personal growth. Mrs. Rosehearts seems like the type to try and continue running her son's life after he graduates so I can't see her treating Riddle's partner well. Going no contact with an emotionally abusive parent is really hard for their children to do, Riddle needs love and support but the journey can be emotionally draining for the person giving that support.

Sebek- again with the family thing. His parents sound like wonderful people but his Grandfather seems to only like his grandchildren because they're half fae and still actively hates his son in law. I can't see him treating Yuu any better, which I could see being very draining since Sebek and his grandpa are very close. It could also be a chance for Baul to change a bit, which would be nice.

Cater and Idia- I'm making them share a spot because similarly to Leona I think the major hurts would be caused pre-relationship, but unlike him I don't see their communication issues as being something that would affect the relationship in the same way going forward. Cater has a lot of insecurities and can be a bit shallow, but he is a good friend so once he accepts Yuu as a safe space to speak openly and honestly I don't see them as having too many issues. Idia is also shown to be very open and honest with Ortho, his self hatred, temper, and inferiority/superiority complex just get in the way of him letting anyone else in.

In general, a lot of the twst guys have communication issues which is something people can work through, but would still cause some pain. Something to think about I suppose σ(￣、￣=)

#<3 asks #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #i don't think sebek is “bad” for his internalized racism i'm just #not crazy with how willing people are to dismiss grandparent's racism because they're ok with their grandkids #they only are ok with their grandkids because those kids are THEIRS they still don't see the other parent as a person or worthy of respect #... i get kind of heated about this because i've had some personal experience within my extended family with this so i find it disgusting #my grandpa wasn't cute when he was being racist to my cousins and refusing to talk to my dad when he bought a korean made dishwasher #baul isn't cute for narrowing his grandson's world view to his backyard idk #sebek deserves to be seen as a whole person by his society and his grandpa yk #loving people by halves is unacceptable to me

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honey-minded-hivemind · 3 months

Text

In the ❄Milky Snow🍼 AU, an ABO AU for ❄Fallen Snow🩸 AU, Creed!Reader would be more distressed, as right next to their trauma and dislike of the platonic yanderes, they'd be dealing with their instincts, as well as pushing them down and trying to ignore them. It's bad enough they were denied most, if not all, of their childhood, it's bad enough that they had to raise themself after they escaped, it's bad enough to have to deal with their deepest traumas and insecurities and nightmares, but add to that their instincts that scream at them to hide and stay as far as they can from the platonic yans, to keep themself at a distance from every living being, yet have urges, the need for attention and care and love, which they haven't felt in years, if ever... It feels like too much, so it's easier to shove it down and keep it forcefully under than to try to feel what they feel, to put up with anymore issues than they already have.

The moment they're with the platonic yans, they're stuck. They can't leave, as they're always dragged back. They won't eat, as they don't trust them not to poison them or hold feeding them over their head. They only feel fear and panic and the need to run when they even smell the others, let alone when they see them. Their instincts cry for attention, for love, to be wanted and protected and cared for... But they won't willingly accept it from these people, who've only ever shown their hate, their anger, their absolute disrespect for Reader and their feelings. Reader doesn't trust them not to go back to how they used to be, and aren't willing to give them a chance in any form.

The platonic yanderes take problem with this.

They want to take care of Reader, to be friends with them, be family, be pack. But their past actions had consequences, and this is one of them. They won't stop trying to prove their regret, that they've changed, that they only want to love Reader now, instead of hurt them. When Reader keeps running, refusing to eat, and hiding for days, that's when they reach a tipping point. Reader doesn't trust them and won't even stay in the same area as them, and they keep hurting themself, refusing to eat or to stay warm inside or to even talk about their feelings. So, the adults decide to finally step in, and try a new method...

They didn't want to start with this, but... maybe dropping Reader into their instincts, getting them into their pup state-of-mind, would help them. At least they would be easier to keep an eye on, and to take care of. They wouldn't mind dropping themselves into their instincts either, if it meant they all could forget the past and their fears for a moment and just be able to relax, to care for Reader and the other cubs and pups,, and to keep themselves from going insane over the fact that they've caused so much damage (they were already kinda insane). Trying to nurse/feed Reader was already rejected before by Reader, but if they were just... put under... drugged enough to calm down... to let themself be taken care of... the adult ferals could for once take care of them and not be fought over it. They could actually be close to their cub, all of their cubs, and start to rebuild trust, to stitch together what bonds were left, and try and start over...

Reader, if they ended up sedated, would be annoyed as long as they could (until a heavier drug is used, or are dropped into their instincts). They aren't up for "cuddling" or "nursing" or "talking about their emotions". Are these people crazy? They HATE them, don't they? Why keep up the caring act? Except the platonic yans don't stop, and just keep going along with trying to "care" for them... Reader tries to fight it, tries to get away, to stay in charge of their urges...

But the platonic yanderes have plenty of sedatives and drugs to keep them calm and relaxed and soothed, and have enough blankets and hugs and milk to keep their cub/sibling/friend/ward happy. And the moment they actually manage to get Reader under, to have them finally give in... they're still scared, upset, but they're so much more receptive to their care, and they can finally shower them in all the affection and love they can...

(You can bet that Reader in this state is kept in the special room the ferals have that I've previously mentioned, the giant cat room-like room, and you can bet they're being snuggled between their "siblings" and "dads")(Remember, Wolverine and Sabretooth are brothers and platonic, no inc*st, they just decided to both adopt and parent Reader and Laura and Kyle)(Please don't be weird about it)(They also technically adopted the other X-Men and Brotherhood teens, too)(They just have their own special rooms, that aren't the feral room)(They all cuddle and snuggle and get tangled up in a large huggy mess of arms and legs and blankets and pillows and plushies)(Wolverine and Sabretooth are Omegas here, and they want to nurse all of their cubs and pups)(Whether the cubs, pups, and Reader, want it/accept it or not)

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lifeonmarz-blog · 1 year

Text

Chiron through the houses Pt 2 ☄️

☄️Chiron in the 7th creates problems with how your viewed by the public. Being misunderstood is a common theme in this house. The home life couldve caused these people to go out in search of something from the world. The childhood couldve been strict and created a rebellious child. They tend to live opposite lives from they grew up seeing.

☄️Chiron in the 8th is a popular chiron placement. These people can find themselves in the wrong place wrong time type of situations. Their relationships are intense, painful and scandalous. Predators are attracted to people with this chiron placement. Crimes of passion are likely here the emotional maturity can be lacking. Emotions just all over the place. They can be prone to toxic relationships because their very insecure about if their loveable. They'll have to choose between two evils at times but through relationships they'll learn what it is they really want.

☄️Chiron in the 9th are likely to do some time. They get placed in situations that sit them down and force them to contemplate and analyze themselves. To question their believe systems and ideologies. Usually lacking a father figure they go out in search for it in the world. They must learn to become more structured and controlled to have more patience and find the meaning in their hardships.

☄️Chiron in the 10th can represent having your pain on display for the public. An example would be creating music that plays on your pain. Bonding over simillar struggles is common. They love a good trauma bond. This same thing is what brings them popularity.

☄️Chiron in the 11th these people friends dont like them lol No but seriously their biggest haters really be their friends. They often get misunderstood. Their intentions are often mistaken. They feel they have to work harder to be excepted into groups. They may feel "not enough for these type but not enough for these type". Learning how to follow your heart and do what you want and not whats expected of you is the lesson.

☄️Chiron in the 12th similar to the 11th something about their life makes them feel alienated from their peers. Something about it is unique and makes them feel unrelatable to others. They may feel its hard to maintain stability. Like they take one step forward then 10 steps back. Acting impulsively with no regard for consequences, feeling like the world is against them. but it is not. Your faith is being tested but if you maintain hope with storms will sure pass.

-LUVOFMARZ

#chiron #12th house #11th house #10th house #9th house #8th house #7th house #astro notes #astro observations #astrology observations #astrology

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rehfan · 1 year

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Billy knight request….reader x billy in new relationship. Billy is super protective and jealous. They go to their first party together billy gets nervous /jealous because of guy hitting on reader. He causes a scene then panics on their way home thinking he’s ruined their relationship. Reader is not mad at him she is very soft with billy she takes him home and shows him exactly how much he means to her fluffy sweet smut please ***billy definitely has a breeding kink****😊

A/N: My first Billy Knight request and I couldn’t be happier. I love this character so much. Thanks to you @harringtonfan4 for the suggestion - it gripped me by the throat and did not let go. I basically spent 7 hours straight writing this all in one go. Any typos or plot holes are all mine, unintentional, and you can go pick on someone else. Here we go!

Pairing: Billy Knight X Fem!reader; Billy Knight X AFAB!reader

Jealous!Billy Knight; Insecure!Billy Knight

Tags: fluffy, emotional hurt/comfort, jealousy, mental health issues, insecure Billy, minor physical altercation, minor mention of suicide, fluffy smut, smutty smut, blowjob, PIV unprotected sex (PLEASE DO NOT DO THAT - WRAP IT), unintentional edging, creampie, breeding kink, dirty talk, small instance of choking but not really.

Warnings: minor mention of suicide; small instance of choking but not really; Under 18? Move on, please. I did not write this for you.

Please do not repost this anywhere else. This is my work and mine alone.

Word Count: 7200+

Knight in Shining Armor

You knew that you were the first major relationship Billy had ever attempted besides having schoolboy crushes on girls, sneaking kisses and holding hands and such, but nothing ever meant anything. He was in his mid-20s and should have had plenty of girlfriends before you, but due to a childhood trauma, he was debilitated and emotionally injured and needed time to heal. At least, that’s how he put it to you when you met and started dating him.

You bumped into him in the frozen foods section, dropping your frozen potato wedges when you turned and saw him there holding the freezer door open for you. He hadn’t meant to startle you, of course and looked so painfully shy and fearful about scaring you that it broke your heart a little. It had been months since your last relationship and while you weren’t looking for something new, you had a good feeling about him and told him that he could make up startling you by buying you a coffee from the station at the front of the store. He was happy to do it and that’s when it all began.

He was tender and caring, thoughtful and kind, and didn’t seem to have the same agenda that all your other blokes had had - mainly getting into your knickers. He seemed amazed to just have your friendship. And as far as Billy was concerned, that’s exactly how he felt. He didn’t see the sense in lying to you about anything, but he was terrified that you’d reject him. According to his logic, it was better to tell you up front about his institutionalization and mental problems; that way, you could push him away before he had a chance to fall head over heels in love with you.

But you didn’t push him away. Especially after he explained about the support system he had in place: his few friends who were also his flat mates and his psychiatrist, his medication, and his dedication to being a proper man in the world - one that could hold down a job and pay bills. He was on a good road. The only part of his life that was incomplete was having someone to share his life with.

His big brown eyes looked soulfully into yours when he confessed all this. It was your third date and things had been going well. He was in charge of choosing the location for this one and he chose a picnic at the dog park. He didn’t own a dog (one of his flat mates was allergic) but he liked them and he had made a few friends among the dog owners that came there. He smiled secretively at you as he produced a resealable plastic sandwich bag of dog treats and jiggled them.

“My secret way of making canine friends,” he said, looking almost embarrassed at his cleverness.

You couldn’t help but laugh. The whole day was perfect, even after Billy’s confession about his history. You explained that you had an uncle that was bipolar and had to be sent away for a while when you were a child. You knew something was wrong with him, but you were too small to understand what. But when he came out, he was his old self again and better. You have valued psychiatry and psychology ever since and you were entirely supportive of Billy and deeply grateful for his honesty.

In your second month of dating Billy you were both headed to a party thrown by old friends of yours. You had met each other in uni and had stayed in touch and you wanted to introduce Billy to them all as you were fiercely proud of him and his strides toward living his own life as his own man.

“We don’t have to stay for long, if you don’t want,” you explained as you walked up the path to the door, “If things get too much, you tell me the word and we’ll dash.”

“What word?” Billy asked, rubbing his nose, “And what will we say as an excuse? Won’t they be suspicious? Won’t they think me rude?”

“Hardly,” you said, placing a reassuring arm around his. You planted your chin in his shoulder and looked up at him. “I’ll do the explaining. And the word will be something you pick. What word would you like to whisper to me if you feel overwhelmed?”

Billy looked at his surroundings for a minute, his eyes darting about him. “Um, how about ‘cardinal’?”

You giggled. “‘Cardinal’?” Your eyes found what his had: in one of the front windows was a decorative hanging made of stained glass and containing a red bird of that name. “Oh I see. ‘Cardinal’ it is then. Excellent choice.” You kissed him on the cheek and rang the bell.

Billy was overwhelmed almost instantly. This wasn’t the small gathering that he was expecting - only three or four friends from your uni days - this was a gathering of well over twenty people. The conversation was a cacophony in the place and people seemed to be everywhere, sitting on furniture, standing in small groups, and even sitting on the floor around the low coffee table. Everyone had a drink and Billy was tempted to drown his panic in a G&T, but he knew he couldn’t with his meds. When the hostess greeted him with a slightly drunken kiss on either of his cheeks and offered to take his coat, he gave it over mechanically, his brain still reeling from the sensory overload.

You took his hand and whispered, “You okay, love? You look spooked.”

“So far so good,” he said unconvincingly, but he squeezed your hand and gave you a tight smile. He was going to try his best for you. You were the miracle of his life and he wasn’t about to lose you over his own feeble insecurities screaming their little heads off.

They screamed even louder when they saw all the men in the room greet you warmly. Most of them had other females standing by who were introduced as girlfriends and partners or wives and that was all fine as far as Billy was concerned, but the few who weren’t attached to anyone? Billy felt his hackles rise protectively as they snaked their hands around your waist in hugs of greeting.

The powerful jealously that reared its ugly head inside of him hit him sideways with its strength. He wanted to rip their arms away from you, smash their smiling faces with his fist, then run from the place with you hauled over his shoulder caveman-style. He knew he couldn’t, that he mustn’t. It wasn’t right. They were old friends and you were allowed to have old friends. And when you looked back at him with that beautiful smile and squeezed his hand and introduced him as your boyfriend even though you were only on your second month of dating, it caused sunshine to bloom in his heart and he smiled back at you and shook their hands and was so damned proud to be yours.

As the evening wore on, Billy was never far from you, but soon relaxed enough to seat himself across the room from you as you talked with your friends, occasionally turning to him to include him in the conversation. Your female friends seemed to like him, like his shy nature. Your male friends discussed the latest footy match with him and Billy found himself contributing to the conversation almost effortlessly. He couldn’t wait to tell Dr. Hammond, his psychiatrist, all about this little social adventure. Billy was sure he would be pleased.

It wasn’t until Billy had gone to refresh your drink that Toby walked up to you while you stood in the empty corridor that ran the length of the home and provided access between the main rooms on the ground floor of the house. You had just pointed him the way toward the kitchen at the rear of the building and turned to go back to the sitting room at the front of the house when Toby’s voice came from behind you.

“Thought he’d never leave,” he said.

You sighed and turned slowly back to him. “And there it is: that low voice you have that you always thought was seductive enough to charm birds from trees. I was wondering when you were going to make your move,” you said.

Toby was an old flame. One you had doused with enough water to flood whole valleys in the Yorkshire Dales years back. Still, Toby tried. It was pathetic really.

“And what makes you think it never has?” he said. He had had too much alcohol. It was obvious.

“You’re drunk, Tobes,” you said, giving his chest a gentle shove, “Please just leave me alone, okay? Billy-“

“Billy is a ponce and a welcome mat,” he said. “Wherever did you find him anyway? At the pound? Those big brown puppy dog eyes of his worm his way into your little heart?” Here he put a finger on your chest and pressed the flesh softly.

“He’s a good man,” you said. “Better than you ever learned to be.”

“Still angry about that? It was ages ago! And I’ve mended my ways: I only date one woman at a time now. No more cheating.” Here he crossed his heart. “Promise.”

“Once a cheater, always a cheater,” you retorted and turned your head, looking over his shoulder at where Billy had disappeared. You shouldn’t have asked him for a mixed drink. He was too insecure to bring you anything but perfection in a glass and he was taking ages. A thought occurred to you just as Toby’s head was angling down toward yours: “Besides, I thought you and Belinda were an item. Whatever happened to her?”

“Oh you’ll love the irony in this,” he said laughing, “She cheated on me.” You couldn’t help but gasp and laugh. He nodded. “Yep. With her yoga-slash-pilates instructor, no less.” You laughed again, even harder. He went on: “Apparently strength, stamina, and flexibility were what she was really looking for.”

You put a shameful hand over your mouth as you continued to laugh at what must have been a rude awakening for this lothario. “Well,” you managed, recovering a little, “I’d say ‘poor you’, but you sort of deserve it, you bastard.”

He responded by wrapping you up in a hug. “You mean you don’t feel the least bit sorry for me?”

“I don’t,” said Billy.

The hug broke apart and the two of you stood there staring at Billy who was staring daggers at Toby.

“I don’t feel sorry for you at all,” said Billy again. He passed you your drink without even looking at you. “And I’ll tell you another thing, mate,” the word dripped with anger, “You had better stay away from my girlfriend or I swear to Christ on high-“

“Billy!” you interjected.

“- I’ll… I’ll…”

Toby regained some of his smugness. “Or you’ll what? Scold me to death?” He laughed.

Billy shoved him hard against the corridor wall. It shook the picture frames.

“Just-“ Billy’s nervous tic of rubbing his nose with his wrist came back viciously in that moment. He was so agitated that it frightened you. “J-just keep away.”

You grabbed Billy by the arm and turned him toward you. “Cardinal,” you said. There must have been a look in your eyes, because Billy just nodded and looked instantly ashamed. He glanced back at Toby who had pulled himself away from the wall and was straightening his blazer jacket.

“Fine man you have there, pet,” he said to you. “Don’t suppose he’s had his distemper shots?”

Billy didn’t think, he just swung. His left fist connected with the side of Toby’s head and Toby stumbled back and fell into an unoccupied overstuffed chair in the hallway. “Fuck off, you cunt,” Billy growled.

Others had caught sight of this and were now populating the open doorways that led to the corridor you three were standing in. You looked around apologetically while tugging at Billy’s sleeve. Your eyes came across your hostess. “Gillian, I’m so sorry. I expect we’re just a bit knackered. We’ll call it a night, okay?”

All your friends smiled understandingly at you and wished you both a good night, turning back to their previous conversations. Billy put his coat and hat on silently near the front door when Gillian whispered a quiet word to you: “Hang on to that one, love. No man in this building has had the guts to smack the shit out of Toby the way he deserves. Good on him for doing what they couldn’t.” She winked at you and walked back to her guests.

You were quietly proud of Billy all over again as you made your way home. Gill’s home and yours were only about a mile apart and it seemed silly to hop a bus when the winter night in London was mild and you were with Billy, defender of your honor.

Billy, on the other hand, was eating himself up with guilt over his behavior. Dr. Hammond would definitely not think that this was a successful social interaction. Billy’s hand went to his nose again and he idly added up when it would be safe to take his meds again; he felt as if the chemicals that kept his brain untangled were wearing off.

He kept up a walking pace with you and tried to meet your eyes, but he was fearful of reaching out to take your hand and didn’t want to say anything to you lest you turn on him in anger and leave him on the spot, alone and lonely again in the middle of London. In the dark. In the cold. On his own. Again.

So he hugged himself and waited for you to say that he was never to see you again. But as the streets passed and you didn’t say anything, he wondered when it was going to happen. Or should he just throw himself in front of a night bus?

Or should he argue his side? After all, the man had his hands all over you! What was he expected to do when you introduced him as your boyfriend to everyone there? Was he just supposed to watch you laughing and joking with him and having him hug you and snuggle up to you when he’s supposed to be your one and only? Or is that what you wanted? Did you want Toby and not him? Was he the man you were waiting for? Did you bring him to the party to show off in front of Toby just to make him jealous? What did you want? What did he need to do? How could he fix this so you liked him again?

You turned away and toward the door of your building. You were home already. The mile walk had disappeared.

Billy shuffled his feet and didn’t meet your eyes as you held the door open. “Coming in?”

Billy shook his head and viciously wiped his nose against his wrist.

“Billy?” you said, your voice was so soft he looked up. His eyes were brimming with unfallen tears. ��I’m not angry, you know,” you said.

He blinked at this and two fat tears streamed down his cheeks and into his beard. He didn’t bother to wipe them. “You’re not?” he managed.

You let the door close behind you as you made your way to him. “No, my love,” you said. You raised a hand to his face and wiped a tear away with your thumb. “If anything, I’m glad. It’s about time someone took a poke at Toby for all his machismo. I’m glad it was you.” You smiled at him.

Disbelief painted his face. “You are?”

You had to laugh. “Of course! He was a bastard to me when we dated years ago at uni. Cheated with this one and that. Always put me in second - and sometimes third - place. He deserved what he got.”

“And all your friends?”

“Gillian whispered to me just before we left that she was happy you did it,” you said. “I’m pretty sure that at least three other women at that party and two of the guys were happy too. You acted perfectly - if only slightly criminally.”

“So…,” started Billy, only beginning to wrap his head around the whole situation, “You’re happy? With me? With what I did?”

“Yes,” you said, “and as a matter of fact, I’d like to give you a small reward for defending my honor, my “Knight” in shining armor.”

Billy smiled at this. “Like what?”

“Come with me, good sir knight.”

You led him up the two flights of stairs to the flat you shared with two other girls. They were flight attendants and were hardly ever home. But they paid their rent on time and you all got along when they were home, so the situation was ideal for you all. This was the week that they weren’t around - one scoring the famous NY-LON flight and the other was off on a three week placement out of Sydney, Australia. You had the whole place to yourself for the next week.

Your room was at the back with two windows and a queen sized bed that almost didn’t make it in the lift when you first moved in. Of course, you paid more in rent for the biggest of the three bedrooms, but it was totally worth it.

You led Billy in and turned on the light at one of the two bedside tables. It cast a soft glow on you both as you took Billy’s coat from him followed by his jumper and shirt beneath.

You were on him with a passionate kiss, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and pulling him close. Billy’s head reeled with the sensation of you dipping your tongue in his mouth. He didn’t know where to put his hands, so let them rest on your hips gingerly as if you were made of spun glass. His cock shifted in his pants and he felt himself blush.

You broke the kiss with a wet smack and, a bit breathless, whispered, “If you want me to stop any of this at any point, we use the same word, okay? Do you remember it?”

“‘Cardinal’,” he said.

“Good boy,” you said, arching a salacious eyebrow at him. He smiled back at you, amazed that you were in his arms and that he was in your bedroom. His cock couldn’t believe his luck either and made another twitching lurch.

Your right hand glided down to his left hand and held it up, inspecting the knuckles. They were a bit red, but the skin wasn’t broken. “Does it hurt?” you asked. He shook his head wordlessly, eyes big as you kissed the ridge of each of his fingers and then the knuckles themselves. You looked up at him: “My hero.”

Hero? He was your hero? Really? Billy’s heart swelled in his chest and he knew he was smiling stupidly at you, but he couldn’t help it. You were kissing him again then and his hands fell respectfully back to your hips. Your hands, however, were ranging all over his exposed skin: shoulders, arms, the back of his neck and along his hairline, smoothing into his chest hair, until finally trailing fingertips downward to his belt. Alarm ran through Billy as he felt his cock twitch again and grow hard.

The chinking of the metal belt clasp joined the sound of you kissing him and you moaned with want. He leaned his pelvis away from you, his breath stuttering and his hands stopping your movements.

“What’s the word, Billy? Do you want to say the word? The one that stops everything?” you asked.

He stared into your face for a moment, frozen. Did he want this to stop? Was he brave enough to continue? He needed more information. “What are you… planning?” he asked. “What do you want me to do… to you?”

You smiled softly. “I’m planning on pleasuring you. I’m planning that you’re going to come. That you’re going to have a brilliant orgasm and sleep soundlessly in my bed until morning. And I’m planning to make you breakfast in bed.

“And,” you continued, “I’m wanting you to do anything you want to me. Just ask first, okay?”

Billy nodded.

“So are we stopping? Are you using your word?” you asked.

Billy shook his head.

“Then let’s start again, only slower. Does that sound all right?” Billy nodded. “What do you want me to do to you?”

You watched him as he swallowed hard and his ears got pink. Jesus God, he was adorable. You were used to men just manhandling their way into your bed, seeking out their own pleasure with your body, never worrying that you might not be totally enjoying yourself. This was new territory for both of you, it seemed.

“Can we just kiss for a bit?” he said. He seemed almost painfully ashamed to ask.

You smiled. How could you not? He was the gentlest man you had ever been with. Your hand went to his face and you kissed him softly, almost reverently, quietly thanking a God you almost didn’t believe in for sending you this amazing man. As the kiss broke, your faces were inches apart and you took the time to really look at each other.

He was fascinated by your face. Your eyes especially. The shape of your nose. The curve of your ear. Even your eyebrows were perfect and he smoothed one with the tip of his first finger, tracing it down and over to your ear and watching with breathless amazement as you pressed your face into the palm of his hand and closed your eyes. “Love me, Billy,” you whispered.

“Yes,” he whispered back and kissed you on his own this time, one hand to your face, the other wrapping around to the small of your back, both of you moaning into the sensation.

You tried to move closer to him, but he kept his pelvis away from you. Your hands found his ass and pulled him gently toward you, encouraging him to not be ashamed or embarrassed. When his hard cock came into contact with you, he whined and broke the kiss, gasping for breath.

“Was that not all right?” you asked, fearful that you had spooked him.

“That- that was- um,” his hand went to his nose again. You took it away from his face gently with both of your hands and kissed his wrist. Then you took his face in one of your hands and kissed his nose.

“I’m sorry if I went too far,” you said. “But Billy, I know you must be hard. I can see that you are.” You both looked down at his trousers where a very obvious tenting was taking place. You met his eyes again. “I’m not scared if you’re not scared.”

If Billy was honest, he wasn’t scared so much as he was terrified. He wanted to do well with you. He wanted to please you so badly his skin itched with it.

“Why don’t we get your first orgasm out of the way and… that might help?” you suggested. “You know, help with your nerves? What do you think?”

“Oh… okay,” he said, a bit confused.

You stripped off your top and bra and dropped to your knees on the soft shag area rug and made quick work of his button and flies. Billy hardly had any time to react when you placed your mouth along his clothed length and exhaled warm air against his member. The wanton groan that exited his mouth was everything you ever wanted to hear. “You just use your word if you need to, my sweet boy. And remember: I want to give you this. You deserve a blowjob for all you’ve done tonight.”

Your fingertips caressed his length as you spoke to him. He gasped when you lowered his pants and his cock sprang free. He was gorgeous. A light brown thatch of hair from his belly button to his shaft called for your fingertips to card through it. You kissed and sucked at the line between abdomen and thigh, teasing sighs and gasps from him. Praise fell from your lips as you scattered kisses along his lower belly and upper thighs: “Such a good man to me, Billy. So kind and gentle. Always so good. You want me to suck you off, don’t you, darling? You’ve wanted me for a long time now. Whole weeks! And now you have me. And this is all for you. For being my brave knight in shining armor.”

You lifted his cock out of the way with one hand and dipped your head to take his balls in your mouth, one and then the other, sucking softly as you did. You placed the surface of your lips against his scrotum and hummmmmmmed against his skin in the lowest tone you could manage. Billy groaned and threw his head back. His cock leaked with precum instantly, the tip swollen practically cherry red. You pulled his foreskin back even more and held your tongue out to catch the drip, locking eyes with Billy as you did so.

Helpless. That was the only word for the expression on Billy’s face in that moment as the precum hit your tongue and you licked up against it, trying to catch it all. Salty musk met your senses and you grunted. “Want to take you in my mouth, Billy. May I? Can I do that to you?” Billy nodded. “No no, love. Use words. Tell me you want this.”

“I want… you to… please. Please. I can’t say… exactly. I can’t. But please. Yes. Please.”

“Good boy,” you said, “That’s my good boy. Here we go. You let me know when you’re close, okay?”

“‘Kay.”

Slowly, you took him in your mouth, the hot heaviness of his erection against your tongue, the scent of him deep and thick. You had to use one hand against him because he was just too thick and long for you to deep throat until you found your stride. You hadn’t done this for a while, but it wasn’t entirely unfamiliar. Some things remained the same like the sensitive frenulum under the head of his cock. You pulled off of him just long enough to press your lips there and hummmmmmm again, low and long and Billy’s head reeled at the sensation.

He watched as your mouth swallowed his length again and he could hardly believe he was standing there with his pants around his ankles and your mouth on his cock. Beautiful you, with your smile and laughing eyes. Lovely you, who was always tender toward him. Loyal you, who wasn’t angry with him for hitting your old friend - who wasn’t quite a friend after all.

Unbelievably, you were sucking his cock and enjoying it.

He placed a hand in your hair, not pushing precisely, but just holding you there and you raised your free hand to it, rubbing small encouraging circles into the back of his hand.

You pulled off him with a wet pop and stroked him. “Happy, baby?” you asked.

“God yes,” he replied, that same look of amazement on his face.

“You want more?” you asked, knowing full well what his answer was going to be. You just needed to hear him say it.

“Yes, p-please. More, love,” he said, desperation dripping from him.

You went back to work, your tongue circling his tip before swallowing him down once more with a moan. He tasted so good. Thick and long and right against your tongue, you could suck his cock into oblivion. His hand pressed against your head a bit more urgently, so you followed his lead, increasing your pace and taking just that bit much more into your mouth as you could.

Saliva coated your hand and dripped from your mouth onto your chest, but you didn't care. It was worth it all to hear Billy moaning above you. His breath stuttering in his chest was all you ever needed. He was surprisingly vocal too, his muttered words of praise finding your grateful ears.

“Fucking suck me so good, love. You are so goddamned beautiful. Don’t deserve you. So fucking good to me. Your mouth… God your mouth… I just… Ah!”

Here he stopped talking and the hand that was on the back of your head found your jaw and pulled you gently off of him. “Can’t let you… Can’t. I- I’m sorry.”

“You can’t let me what, Billy?” you said, a little hurt that he wouldn’t let you get him off. “I was all right.” You stroked his cock to keep him hard as you spoke, but Billy even put a stop to that by pushing your hand away.

“No, no,” he shook his head violently. “Can’t come in your mouth. Need to come in you… Just - in you.”

“Oh.”

“Please?” his eyes held such longing. He gripped his hard cock at the base and you could see he was edging himself down away from his own orgasm. “Please let me?”

You knew better. You really did. But you were on birth control and you knew he was clear because you both traded that information ages ago. And, more importantly, you wanted him. You wanted him right then and there, naked and gripping his own erection begging you to let him fuck you.

Lord preserve us, you were really going to do this.

“Come here,” you said. “And take off the rest of your clothes.” You did the same, stripping yourself of all layers until you stood naked before him. You held out your arms and he filled them instantly.

The kiss you shared tasted of both of you plus the traces of the taste of his cock still present in your mouth. Your hands found his ass and squeezed, his hard cock pressing into you causing him to groan.

“Sweet girl,” he whispered. “Want you so bad.”

“Come to bed then,” you said. You were so damn wet in that moment, it wasn’t funny. Just looking at the way he looked at you, all amazement and reverence, it was too much to take in. His eyes held the universe and all you could see in them was your own reflection. It left you breathless.

He came into your bed after you crawled in beneath the duvet first. His warm body buffeted yours and his kiss heated you up from within, the curl of desire dwelling low in your belly and building slowly with every lick of his tongue. You rolled together, him on top of you, your legs wrapping around his hips, his thick hardness between your legs, tip tickling your ass right near your entrance.

Billy shuddered with the sensation of being so close yet so far away. “C-can I? Please, sweet girl? Please, pretty? May I?” He reached down and positioned himself at your entrance.

“Oh,” you moaned. “Clit first please. Right here.�� You guided his hand so that his cock was lying between your folds.

He rutted against you with a snap of his hips and you both cried out. Billy’s forehead was buried in the crook of your neck as he satisfied his need for contact along your wet valley, the veiny ridges of his shaft dancing along your clit and building you to your climax.

His head lifted as you came, cries pouring from your mouth, cries that he put there, emotions that he caused, all of that for him. He could barely believe it. He almost came from watching you.

Gently he brushed the hair from your forehead. “Are you all right?” he asked softly. He stilled when you did, but you could still tell that he was achingly hard. He would need his release soon. Fortunately, you still wanted more.

You kissed him fiercely, sucking on his lower lip before releasing him. “On your back, boy,” you commanded in a low growl. His brown eyes went wide and he obeyed immediately, taking you with him.

You sat up and dangled your breasts over his mouth. “Suck on them, you beautiful man. Sweet boy.” He took you in his mouth and suckled gently, eyes closed, lost in the moment. You braced one hand on the headboard, your other hand carded through his hair and caressed his face. He looked so content.

Billy still couldn’t believe what was happening. The whole situation seemed like a fever dream. The day he met you, he had gone home on cloud nine. That night he had dreamed of holding your hand and maybe even kissing you, but this? This was more than he ever dared hope. His hands smoothed up and down and up again over your back as he sucked on your nipple, eventually one wrapping around the opposite breast and the other snaking between your legs to rub your clit once more. He wasn’t entirely certain of the exact anatomy, but he knew when he found it based on your gasp. There he circled his fingertips and knuckles against the nubbin and watched you through the slits of his eyes as you craned your neck back and then forward again, your hips undulated against him again. You were pornography come to life. And he was doing this to you. Just him, no one else.

It was a miracle. You were a miracle.

He switched to the other breast now, nuzzling underneath it, experimenting with nipping, licking, and sucking at the tender skin, listening to your delighted giggle, eventually swallowing your nipple once more, flicking it with his tongue and eliciting the most delicious moans from you as a result. His hands had traded places too and the wonderful friction he was providing for you was intoxicating. He was running on pure instinct and you were too, your hips lost to a primal rhythm against his hand. You could feel things starting to build again and you urged Billy to keep on doing exactly what he was doing.

“Gonna come again, Billy,” you panted. “Just…Fuck! Keep going, baby. Almost….God! Shit!” You cried out again, your climax washing over you as you rode his hand. Come dripped from you and over his hand; you knew you were a mess down there, but you didn’t care. As you sat up against his cock, he hissed with the contact and subconsciously raised his hand to his mouth. There he tasted you for the first time and his dark eyes blew wide.

Billy sucked on his knuckle and closed his eyes, relishing your flavor. When he finally slowly opened his eyes, you pulled his fist away and kissed him, sealing the taste of yourself - above and below - in his mind forever.

Slowly, achingly, you lowered yourself against his cock, never breaking your kiss. His hand went down to guide himself along and inside you. You were so slick and wet, his cock tip slipped inside you with a smooth squeezing thump that was felt rather than heard. It felt so good you wanted to cry.

Relaxing against the pressure, you allowed your body to accommodate his girth slowly, a sweet burn giving way to a sense of fullness that left you wanting more, to run deeper inside of you. As you slowly fell against every inch of him, he watched in fascination as he disappeared inside of you, resisting the overwhelming urge to pump his hips up into you, bracing against the moment when you would allow it by planting his feet on the mattress, knees bent.

When you bottomed out, you both stilled, your breath filling the room. You felt so right, smiling down at Billy, his adoring eyes on you, his hands on your breasts, slowly kneading the tissue, warm and comforting and…right. This is how it should be and you could stand a lifetime more of this.

“Welcome home, love,” you cooed. “Feels so good, doesn’t it?”

“You’re a miracle,” he said. “My miracle.”

Your heart melted. Tears welled up in your eyes and your hands found his. As you bent to kiss him, he slipped partly out of you and you rocked back against him, trailing your mouth against his, capturing his lip or his tongue here and there as you ground against him, feeling the pressure of him inside of you. Changing the angle, you sat up again and rolled your hips, your whole body undulating, slipping against his length and just hitting that sweet spongy spot inside you that made you gasp and crave more and more and more…

Billy watched you move, his hands slipping to your hips, his legs lifting against you, pressing up into you in the rhythm you set. It was sweet, slow, and sensual, the way love making was supposed to be in movies and books. You were truly unbelievable and he was really here, really seeing, hearing, and touching you. He was the cause of all the sweat on your body, that fine sheen that caused your skin to glow in the low lamplight. He was the cause of your low moans, your two previous orgasms - not to mention the third one that was building in you now. Riding his cock, fulfilling his dreams.

His own climax was building now, not that it hadn’t been over and over again. The image of you on your knees in front of him was seared into his eyelids forever. The sensation of your hot mouth on the tip of his cock was a memory to savor for a lifetime. You coming all over his hands and the heady salty taste of you would linger on his tongue until the day he died. But this? The wanton image of you riding his cock, head knocked back, hands gripping his knees behind you, abandoned to the sensation coursing through you… this was magic. This he would want to re-create over and over again, trying to replicate it, improve on it, and ultimately replace this memory with others, multiplying and multiplying over and over until the end of time.

He imagined busting his nut inside you, spraying your walls down with his spunk, fucking you like he was trying to breed you - and that’s when he felt his balls tighten. Chasing the sensation, he confessed: “Want to cover you in my come. Want to fuck you into oblivion. Want to mate with you and fill you with my babies. Shit!”

Your eyes flew wide at this. “You want to fuck me like a stud stallion, my brilliant boy? Like I’m a brood mare? Take me from behind? You want to rail into me, huh?”

An absolutely feral look came across Billy’s face at this. “You’d let me?”

“I’d beg you to,” you smiled, slipping off of him and turning around. He was on his knees behind you in seconds, pushing himself back into you, one hand on your hip, the other on your shoulder.

He leaned in close when you moaned and arched against him. He whispered, “I’m going to fuck you right through this mattress, beautiful girl.”

You turned toward him and nipped at his lips, one hand passing behind his head into his hair. “Yes please, sir knight. Please take me and breed me and spend yourself inside me.” He turned his head so his ear was at your mouth. “Need it, Billy. Need you,” you whined. “Make me yours.”

Billy didn’t need more encouragement than that. He settled back and started slowly, carefully, but soon gave in to his baser desires urged on by your lascivious whining, keening, and moaning. He fucked you hard, slamming against your cervix and, after a small positioning change of angle, that delicious sweet spot inside you. When he saw you reach for your clit, he brushed your hand aside. If you were going to come again, it was going be because of him. Only him.

You were his. His to fuck and to breed and he was lost to the thought of it all. His balls tightened again, all the edging he had been doing had been driving him mad, but now he got to just ride you into it. Slamming into you over and over and over had you oversensitive in moments. His small tight circles over your clit had you seeing stars. But his words left you helpless.

“Mine? You’re really all mine? Mine to fuck? And kiss? And love? You want this? All of this? Tell me to stop. Tell me you don’t want me.”

“Want you, Billy. All of you. Fuck me, love. Fuck me straight through this mattress. Need you, Billy. My hero. My knight. Please.”

His free hand was on your throat, pulling you upward ever so slightly, your back arching. his hips snapping up inside you. His breath was in your ear, stuttering and whining as he came hard inside you. “Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.” Over and over he told you what you were to him, each word stamped into you with the thrust of his hips. Your orgasm followed shortly afterward, burning from the insides where his cock was smacking your sweet center and you felt yourself come all over it, thickly flowing inside you and dribbling down your thighs.

You cried out and sobbed, coming down hard into the soft duvet, feeling his hands smooth down your sides and over your back as he sat up and drew himself out of you. You could hear him panting as he pulled you up at your waist and flipped you back to the head of the bed, resting your head on one of the pillows. He lay beside and behind you, spooning you from behind, his arms under your head, the other around your waist, hand on your belly.

He was terrified again. Scared about what he had said to you in the passion of the moment. He wondered if you wanted him to leave. He waited.

You leaned back into him, smiling. “That was amazing, Billy.” Turning your head, you reached back for him and he brought his face to yours. You kissed him lightly. “You are amazing.” You took his lips and felt his tongue tentative against yours as he lost himself in the kiss. Your hand found the back of his head, encouraging him deeper, moaning when he took the hint. “Make love to me again in the morning?” you asked.

Billy was breathless again. “Y-you don’t want me to go?” he asked.

Huffing a laugh, you had to ask: “Now why would I want to kick you out of this bed?”

“Dunno… I just thought… that now that we finished…”

You turned your whole body to face him. “Pay attention to what I’m about to tell you and realize that it is the unvarnished truth, okay?” Billy nodded, eyes wide. “Billy Knight, I adore you. And that was the most amazing sex I’ve ever had in my life. I am not kicking you out. In fact, the only reason I would ever kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor. Understand me?”

Billy’s smile grew slowly but soon bloomed into a full ear-to-ear grin. He giggled. “You really are mine? Even only after two month’s worth of dates?”

“Hey,” you retorted, “I know a good thing when I see it.” Lightly you kissed him on the nose. “Now get some sleep, pretty boy. I have breakfast to cook for you in the morning.”

#billy knight strike #billy knight x reader #Billy Knight #joe quinn #joseph quinn #fanfic #writing #writing prompt #fluff #smut #@harringtonfan4

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cosmicjoke · 1 month

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Do you think that Levi has abandonment issues/fears and worries about being a burden to others? I don't know if these count as social anxiety, but there are a few scenes in the anime that I think of as social anxiety.

One of them is in the 3Season when Eren says "little old man" while swinging a fist at Historia's mutated father. I heard Yams say about that scene that Levi thought "I wonder if this is how they see me". I think he was offended.

And what makes me think that he has abandonment or being left behind issues is that both years later when he asks Kenny why he left him, and in the manga when Levi is injured and clinging to the sides and trying to walk and Armin tells him that he shouldn't get up because he's injured, Levi says "if I lie on that thing any longer, you guys will completely forget that I exist". I think this dialog was changed in the anime.

And later on, when the others are fighting, Levi looks at his injured knee and talks about being a burden to them.

I'm sure there are a few more scenes like that but I don't remember them now. But when we add them up, I think it's probably Levi's worry that he's a burden to others in any way, that people might abandon him because he's not good enough. I think it's because of the childhood trauma of Kenny abandoning him as a child. Child Levi was there thinking that Kenny had left him because he wasn't good enough.

I also me too think that Levi doesn't care whether other people like him or not, but on the other hand, I think that he believes that he is worthy of their love by trying to prove that he is a successful person, a useful person in the eyes of the people he cares about. But first of all this is my opinion. Canonically this may not be the case in reality. But I think he cares a little bit about what people think about him. I can say this both for Eren's example and for his height. I think he might be a little insecure about his looks.

I do think Levi has abandonment issues, yes. That's a little different than what I was talking specifically about, which is whether Levi is concerned with coming across as "likable" to others, and adjusting his behavior to make himself seem more likable in social settings. I don't think Levi cares much about that, just like I don't think he cares if he gets any sort of praise or recognition for his heroic acts. He's a hero precisely because he doesn't engage in acts of heroism for himself, but entirely for others.

But I do think Kenny’s abandonment of Levi certainly had an impact on Levi’s sense of self-worth, in the sense that, he taught him that strength was the most important thing, the only thing that mattered, even. But then he abandoned him, and in doing so, sent Levi the message that there was something inherently lacking in him that caused that abandonment.

Levi was strong, he’d fulfilled the requirements for Kenny’s approval, but still he was denied it.

So it had to be something else, something else wrong with Levi that made Kenny leave. His mere existence wasn’t enough to make him worthy in Kenny’s eyes. I think that plays into Levi’s belief that if he has nothing to give, then his own life isn’t worth anything, which is what I think the scene between him and Armin on the ship implies. Levi sees himself as a weapon to be wielded. That's where his sense of self-worth lies, and if he isn't able to be used as a weapon, or a tool, if others aren't able to utilize him to their own benefit, then I think Levi feels his own life holds very little value.

Again, because he fulfilled all of Kenny’s requirements, he lived up to Kenny’s standards of being strong, and it still wasn’t enough. There was something more he needed to be or do in order for his own life to have worth. Simply being who he was wasn’t enough. I think when he discovered that he could use his strength to help people, he also began to believe that his ability to give that strength defined his self-worth. He felt he himself wasn’t enough for other people to value or love, not on his own. It didn’t matter what defined his core personality, it didn’t matter what sort of person he was. But if he could give people something, if he could offer them something, then maybe that was where his value lay.

So Levi's sense of self-worth is wrapped up in his ability to help others.

But I think it's also important to understand that a desire to find a purpose for himself, or a sense of worth in himself, isn’t what drives him to help people, isn't what created that desire in Levi.

What drives him to help people, to be a “hero”, is an innate generosity in him, the sense that, because he has something that no one else does, his exceptional strength, it should be given freely to them. Isayama spoke about this, and I don't have the direct quote on hand, but he said something along the lines of how, if Levi didn't have his great strength, that would make him just an ordinary man, and he wouldn't be responsible for others. But he does have his great strength, and Levi has the sort of innately compassionate and generous personality that won't allow for him to feel okay with the idea of having something others don't and not sharing it. That has nothing to do with his strength, or even with his belief that in order to be loved, he needs to be useful. It has to do with who Levi is, what type of person he is. That’s what makes him a “slave” to his strength, or a slave to being a hero. His genuine belief that the possession of that strength makes him responsible for others. The genuine belief that, if you have something to give, you should give it.

It would be the same as someone who has food, and when they see someone who doesn’t, they feel obligated to give their food to that person, even if it means starving themselves. Levi feels obligated to share what he has. He’s a slave to that obligation. He gives, even when giving what he has is detrimental to himself.

When I say Levi is a slave to that, that’s what I mean. He can’t escape his natural compassion. Similarly, I think, to the way Eren, on an opposing end, couldn't escape his natural dissatisfaction with the world and thirst for upheaval and violence.

It’s why Levi’s attempts to keep his distance from others, to avoid the pain of losing people, never works, because Levi just naturally cares about people, in general, even people he doesn’t know well, or at all. He’s chained down by that natural compassion. He’s a “slave” to it, in the sense that he can’t break free from it. He can’t escape it. No matter how hard he tries, it always drags him back in, and he can’t ever ignore someone in need. He can’t turn away from that. That’s being a slave to heroism. That's what Kenny means when he asks Levi, "What are you, a hero?".

That's why I constantly talk about how selfless Levi is, and the tragedy inherent to that selflessness. He doesn't help people because he wants to feel better about himself, or because he wants recognition, seeking attention as a means to boost his ego or social standing, or even because he wants to be loved. He helps people because of a genuine and pure desire for them to be okay, and feeling with his strength that he has the means to help, he in turn feels he owes it to them to help. Again, that feeling exists in him because he’s an inherently empathetic person. He has a great ability to connect with other people’s feelings, on a fundamental level. So it's important to understand that it isn't Levi's strength that makes him compassionate, or his strength which makes him a hero. It's his heart. Whether he was strong or not, he would still care about people, he would still wish to help people. Kenny believed one could only be compassionate if they were strong, but it's not the ability to help that makes one compassionate, it's the desire. And with Levi, we see that demonstrated at the very end, as he, wheelchair-bond, is still doing his best to better people's lives, and it's got nothing to do with his strength.

Where his sense of self-worth ties into that, and how that self-worth impacted by this feeling of obligation, is that, in his view, his only worth is in his ability to give, in him having something to give, and if he doesn’t, then his life is worthless. That’s also what makes him a tragic figure. He doesn’t realize that his innate empathy and compassion alone make him a worthwhile person. That it makes him an exceptionally good person, even, and certainly one deserving of love. He believes that the mere desire on his part to help isn’t enough to mark him out as a person of worth. He believes that the only thing that would mark him out as such would be him actually being able to help. This is also part of why it weighs so heavily on Levi when he fails to save lives or protect others. Because he views that as a failing on his part to give what he has. It comes into direct conflict with his innate generosity, his natural inclination to give. It registers to him as fundamentally wrong, having this strength, and not being able to use it to the benefit of others. It’s why Levi struggled for so long to understand what his strength was even for, because it never seemed right to him that it would only be for himself.

A good comparison to make, in terms of contrast, is between Levi and Reiner, for example. Reiner wanted to be "recognized" as a hero, and he committed horrific acts toward that end, in the hopes of being made an honorary Marleyan, to be hailed as a hero back home. But Levi doesn't want to be "recognized" as a hero, and he never did. He just feels compelled to heroism because he has something other people don't. Like he’s the custodian of that strength, the keeper of it, but that strength is meant for others, not himself. This flies directly in the face of what Kenny taught Levi. Kenny taught Levi that his strength should only be used for his own survival. That his strength belonged to him and should only benefit him. That’s why I always say Kenny can’t be credited with Levi’s compassion and kindness. Levi came to the conclusion that his strength could be used to help others all on his own. Nobody taught him that. And his innate compassion and generosity renders him incapable of justifying to himself sitting idly by while others are in need. That’s why we see Levi so anxious and restless, for example, during the plan to capture Annie in Trost, or again, when he was bedridden before the final battle, but refused to stay there. That’s where his issues of self-worth tie into his ability to help. He feels it's his duty and responsibility to help, regardless of the consequences to himself, regardless of his actual ability to do so. We see this most clearly demonstrated during the “Battle of Heaven and Earth”, of course, and why he calls himself a "burden" when he's taken out of the fight with his ruined knee. Levi is literally half-dead, and he still fights with everything he has, doing himself further, untold harm in the process, eventually sacrificing his body completely, which is how he ends up in a wheelchair at the end. That’s true selflessness.

I talk about this in regards to Furlan and Isabel, too. Levi would have had an easier time surviving Underground on his own. Helping Furlan and Isabel would have just meant an added burden to his already struggling existence, two extra mouths to feed, two other people to look out for. Levi didn't need them. But he helped them anyway, because he's a selfless person. And again, this isn't something he was taught. He was taught the opposite. That's why I talk so much about Levi's nature, and how his goodness is inherent to his nature.

I said this before, but people always say Levi is a slave to his strength, or a slave to being a hero, because he feels he has to use his strength to help people. But he only feels like he has to use it to help people in the first place because of his natural empathy and compassion. So really, it would be more accurate to say Levi is a slave to his empathy and compassion.

I think Levi does carry some insecurities too, about his height, and, as I said, about his social awkwardness. Kenny called him a "midget" and made some other, derogatory remarks about his height, so we can extrapolate from that that Kenny likely made a habit of verbally abusing Levi in that regard, and Levi probably developed insecurities about his height as a result. And yes, I think the scene where Eren calls Rod Reiss a "little old man", and Levi's feelings regarding that, is indicative of an insecurity on his part. So Levi definitely isn't immune to feeling insecure or self-conscious about certain perceived faults of his, or perceived unattractive qualities. I just don't think we ever see those specific insecurities ever have an actual impact on his actions or behavior in general. He doesn't try to please people, or to gain their approval by acting in ways he thinks will ingratiate him. His low sense of self-worth, though, or his belief that he isn't of value if he isn't able to use his strength to help others, is definitely something we see affect him all the time. I think Levi feels, if he isn't useful in some way, if he isn't able to give something to others, than his life is forfeit and he may as well not even exist.

#Levi Ackerman #attack on titan #shingkei no kyojin #analysis #commentary

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jjtheresidentbaby · 7 months

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Little Vanessa x Caregiver Mike headcanons

♡ attached to day 3 moodboard for fictionalagerechallange

warnings: spoilers for the movie, talk of mike & vanessa’s bad childhoods, talk of canon violence/events

It’s such a healing experience for both of them

Mike can get insecure about his caring abilities when it comes to Abby and having Vanessa choose to be taken care of by him is really important to him — then obviously Vanessa had a not so great childhood where she never felt like she could trust people/get close to them so having Mike be a constant in her life is big for her

Vanessa practically lives at the Schmidt house for a while after she gets out of the hospital before Mike just asks her to move in fully

they take Abby to the diner every Sunday for breakfast and Vanessa & Abby have “draw offs” where Mike tells them to draw the same thing for him to then judge and choose a winner — spoiler: it’s always a tie

both the girls love it and sometimes ask Ness to judge their pictures but he tells them it’s a tie too

Vanessa finds legitimately every and any excuse to be carried by Mike, he pretends to hate it but secretly loves being able to have her cling to him

Abby clocked Vanessa as a regressor before Mike or Vanessa realized, hence her dragging Vanessa into all her games and to go play with her any chance she could get

Mike packs her lunches everyday for when she’s at work — he always leaves little notes with drawings on them

the Schmidt fridge is perpetually covered in drawings between Vanessa & Abby

Mike always holds Vanessa’s hand when they’re in public

he’s so protective over her and makes it extremely obvious — and yes she’s a police officer with a gun but that is his baby and he will go full William Afton on someones ass if they try to hurt Vanessa

Vanessa and Abby both tease Mike about this ^

when Mike gets another job after everything he chooses something without night shifts so he can be home when Vanessa gets home from work

almost every morning is Vanessa & Abby waking Mike up by slamming pillows in his face/jumping on his bed full force — or they try to make breakfast by themselves and something crashes because Vanessa’s too regressed to be cooking and Abby’s just giggling along cause she lives for the chaos

Abby & Vanessa are soooo chaos together Mike swears they’d burn the house down if left unattended for too long

but on the flip side, things can be really chilled out if any of them need time to decompress

after everything, everyone in the house gets nightmares but Vanessa’s are definitely the worst — she has all the added trauma of how she grew up being directly connected to what happened and it takes a toll on her

Mike is sure to hold her extra tight after a nightmare and they spend a lot of nights wrapped up on the couch together with cartoons going til Vanessa eventually falls back asleep and Mike can carry her back to bed (assuming he didn’t fall asleep too)

Vanessa’s very pda heavy in general but when she’s little she’s almost always touching Mike in some way

she likes to lean back against his legs while sitting on the floor drawing while he’s on the couch

Mike calls her “sweetheart” a lot, there’s others he uses but sweetheart is his favorite

Mike gets specialty stuffed animals made to look like the animatronics because while Vanessa hates to think about what happened when she’s little, she misses her friends — he also gets a set made for Abby but her & Vanessa have to come up with different names so they can tell whose are whose apart *wink wink nudge nudge the different versions of the animatronics from the other games having similar yet different names

the amount of blanket forts that are built in the house is impressive — seriously it’s almost daily that Abby & Vanessa are getting Mike to build a new one in a new spot in the house

#fnaf agere #caregiver!mike schmidt #little!vanessa shelly #mike x vanessa #mike schmidt #vanessa shelly #fictionalagerechallenge #jj headcanons

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stargirlfeyre · 6 days

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I think it’s important to realize that you can have empathy towards someone and still dislike them and hold them accountable for their actions. I dislike Nesta because she continues to verbally abuse her youngest sister. Do I feel bad that she was abused by her parents and suffered from poverty? Absolutely. I think the abuse she faced from her parents and the trauma she endured from starvation, poverty, Tomas, the men that broke into her house to beat her father up, Hybern, and her father’s death contributed to the abuse she inflicted onto Feyre. She was abused by her mother, then went on to abuse her youngest sister. She continued a cycle of abuse. But her being traumatized and abused doesn’t justify her traumatizing and abusing someone else. I understand Nesta and I sympathize with her - but I still dislike her.

Just because someone dislikes Nesta doesn’t make them ableist to those with mental illnesses. Just like having a mental illness doesn’t give you the right to abuse those around you.

This morning I saw someone say that saying you dislike Nesta is the equivalent of saying that you’re ableist and thinks mentally ill people have to fit into a certain box.

And I think that perfectly sums up how a lot of Nesta fans are ignorant when it comes to comprehending why people don’t like her. They think it’s because we don’t understand her or because we feels as though only certain trauma responses are acceptable. But that’s not true at all.

I completely under Nesta’s character and how her trauma dictates her actions and her views on the world. I understand that she’s someone who’s been groomed since childhood and given a life purpose and when that purpose was taken away, she spiraled and her superiority and inferiority complexes collided causing her to be abusive and toxic. I understand that her treatment of Feyre comes from a place of jealousy and insecurities over the fact that she was tasked with taking care of the family and it was Feyre who did that job when she couldn’t (or purposely wouldn’t). I understand that the way she was raised plays a major part in her prejudice and ignorance, I understand why she latched onto Gwyn and Emerie, I even understand her relationship with Elain. But I just can’t like her.

I am perfectly capable of sitting her and saying that Nesta deserved nothing that she went through. Not the Cauldron, Hybern, Tomas, her mother, etc. But at the same time I’m not about to sit here and coddle her. I’m not about to say it’s okay for her to inflict pain on others because she’s in pain. And that’s what a lot of Nesta fans hate about people who don’t like her. They take us not coddling her as us not understanding her. Because to them if you understand her then you must like her. If you understand her then you must see everything she does/says as justified.

The why does not change the action or it’s effect. We all know that Nesta’s abuse towards Feyre was born from the abuse she faced growing up…but that doesn’t change her abuse towards Feyre? If Nesta’s pain from her childhood is taken into account and sympathized with then why can’t Feyre’s? They treat Feyre’s familial abuse as some taboo subject that they’ll only touch on briefly because they know that if they talk about it in depth, Nesta is going to come up because she played a good part in Feyre’s abuse.

And lastly, Nesta’s fans trying to call anyone ableist is crazy when you take into account that she herself is ableist.

#nesta archeron #feyre archeron #pro feyre #archeron sisters #nesta and feyre #rant but oh well

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nyxiswrites1200 · 1 year

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Leon Kennedy Headcanons SFW

It's time to show how delusion I am about Leon Kennedy 🥰 This just my opinion but if you have any other ideas or headcanons I'd love to hear about them in the comments 🩷

Warnings: Leon Lore spoils, mentions of trauma/PTSD/insecurity. This is all my own opinion.

• We all know Leon has some serious trauma and PTSD from his job. If you were good friends with him or his lover, then he'd definitely be more vulnerable around you. There'd probably be moments where you'd see him be so gentle or break down but he never shows how much he's hurting in front of anyone else.

• Leon seems like the guy who would snuggle into your chest after a rough nightmare and just wants to cuddle. If RE2 Leon is anything to think about, he's definitely a softie at heart.

• Leon would probably try to avoid dating anyone in the first place. He feels his job is too dangerous and wouldn't want anyone to get hurt. He wouldn't want his lover to mourn or worry about him if something bad were to happen to Leon. He avoids romance or pushes the feelings away before they can become anything more.

• Don't be mistaken, Leon really wants love. With the way his life has been he craves to be that important to someone but he's also so used to going without it that he's learned to not expect it in his life.

• Leon also seems like he's the type who maybe has some insecurities. Seeing so many people in his life die has caused him to feel like he's not strong enough or not good enough. He works harder so he can save people but sometimes feels it's all pointless.

-----Now to get a little fluffy 🥺-----

• Dating Leon wouldn't be the easiest thing. He has a lot of unresolved traumas and a dangerous job. But depending on your perspective, it would be worth it.

• He would care for you deeply and do anything to protect you. If you loved Leon despite everything he's been through, he would love you more than anything else. He would cherish you and always make sure you're okay.

• Leon would probably worry that he burdens you but reassuring him is key. He would need your words of comfort to make him realize how much you care about him and that he's not any kind of burden to you.

• Leon would be a gentle lover, I think considering how much he's been through. He would want something soft and simple, that makes him forget about the struggles of his life and the reality of it all.

• Sometimes Leon stresses himself out and feels the weight of everything on him a little more than other days. Your touch and words are comforting to him. He'd want to be close to you during these times but would have trouble asking for it.

• I think Leon would have an anxious attachment style. Considering he never received the love and attention of parents through his childhood and that continued through his life. Plus he's been put through dangerous missions and training as well. He hasn't gotten the emotional growth that he probably needs. He struggles to try and ask you for things and needs a lot of reassurance and would never turn down a comforting hug or hand holding.

• But a relationship with Leon wouldn't be unfair. He'd comfort you and reassure you just as much as you do him. He loves you and would do anything to keep you happy and safe. He would work with your attachment styles and love languages to make you happy.

• Leon would come to you just to kiss you or hug you simply because he was thinking about you. But he only does this when you're alone, he doesn't really like publicly displaying himself as vulnerable.

• When Leon leaves for missions for his job, he'll often tell you that he will always come back because you're waiting for him. This is to reassure you but he truly does mean it.

• Probably one of the only people to know you two are dating would be Ashley. Leon would tell her or she'd probably walk in on you two kissing or something. Leon wouldn't really flaunt his relationship with you, but he wouldn't be scared to admit he loves you if someone asked.

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anti-porn-unicorn · 1 year

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In The Brain That Changes Itself, psychiatrist Norman Doidge summarizes research on the neurobiological aspects of sexual development. He writes: “The human libido is not a hardwired, invariable biological urge but can be curiously fickle, easily altered by our psychology and the history of our sexual encounters,” and he goes on to conclude: “Sexual taste is obviously influenced by culture and experience and is often acquired and then wired into the brain.”

Neurons that fire together wire together. Once this happens, aggression automatically triggers sexual arousal. Or fear and anxiety automatically trigger sexual interest. When this fusion of neural networks becomes pronounced, people often will present to the psychiatrist with clinical problems. Patients complain, for example, that they cannot get aroused unless they get aggressive or violent. Or they complain that they become involuntarily aroused whenever they experience fear. Once these distinct neural networks are fused, the person is—at the level of the brain—literally tied down.

With sexual behaviors, the problem of tolerance means that one needs to push the envelope more and more just to get aroused or climax. The aggressive, domineering, or painful behaviors need to become increasingly intense and increasingly dangerous in order to “work.” Frequently, a person who engages in BDSM becomes habituated to these intense experiences and needs to up the ante to stay in the game.

Some individuals are clearly drawn to these practices because they tap into deep emotional scripts, often based on childhood trauma or insecure early attachments. One psychiatrist studying BDSM practitioners in Los Angeles found that a disproportionate number had a history of severe childhood medical illness, and often underwent painful treatments.

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