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bexleyfix · 1 year

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Dirty Pool, Doll...

(Revisions complete!)

WARNINGS: 18+ ONLY (NO MINORS) NSFW... swearing, smoking, fluff and stuff, angst, smut, sexual content, oral sex, unprotected sex (wrap it up, fools!)

Relationship: Eddie Munson x Y/N (friends to lovers), Vickie, Robin, mentions of Nancy and Steve, etc.

Copying, translating, or posting my work on any other platform is expressly forbidden. I do not give my permission.

🤘

"Senior year officially sucks!" I plopped down across from Robin and slammed my head on the lunch table. "I can't wait for this year to be over so I can finally be free of this shithole."

"Seriously, Y/n? The school year just started. It can't be that bad. Stop being so dramatic."

I lifted my head. "That's easy for you to say, Robin. The majority of your classes are spent with people you can tolerate. Why can't I have more than two classes with you, Vickie and Nancy? I mean... I'd even take Munson for Christ's sake?"

I looked over at the infamous freak table. There was Eddie, chewing on his pretzels and laughing at whatever the Hellfire peanut gallery was discussing. (Damn, is he handsome)

"I mean, I never really talk to the guy except for a hello here and there, but at least he's not an asshole. I swear, if I have to spend one more minute taking shit from the dick bag jock brigade I'm gonna unleash. They're really testing my inner bitch."

I snuck another look at Eddie. He and his buddies were nice guys. I loved Mike of course, and all of his friends. And Eddie may've been known to most as a freak, but I found him to be quite charming... and incredibly adorable. Something I've managed to keep to myself for almost two years. (Or so I thought)

My gaze lingered a little too long. Eddie looked at me and I quickly averted my eyes. (Shit, I hope he didn't notice me staring) I couldn't help but look over again and saw that he was still looking at me, this time with a smile. (SHIT! He did notice) I turned my horrified gaze back to Robin pretending nothing happened.

"Well, you shouldn't have quit band. Then you'd have another class with me. Plus, you're gonna miss the band trip this year."

"Yeah, well... if the band director didn't act like a total Nazi dictator during practice I may've stayed." I took another quick peek at Eddie. He was giggling, having turned his attention back to his previous conversation.

"Well, Y/n, you know I love you, and I wish I could help, but my hands are tied. All I can say is, try and crawl out of your shell and make nice with people so you can at least get through classes without having a nervous breakdown. Hey, isn't Keith in one of your classes? Hang out with him."

"Really, Robin? Keith? It's bad enough we have to work with him. He won't stop staring at me with his mouth open. It's creepy. And I'm pretty sure I saw him eating pencil lead in Biology the other day, so..."

"Ok, so no Keith."

"No Keith."

"Well... I'm out of ideas."

I slammed my head back down on the table and whined.

I didn't fit in with any particular clique. I'm not popular, but I'm also not labeled a loser. I'm kind of in the middle. Mainly because my core group of friends consists of Vickie, Robin, and Nancy. We're all from different walks of life so we get along with most people. Vickie's been my friend since kindergarten. She and Robin became friends freshman year during band, and last year, by some bizarre twist of fate, Robin and Steve Harrington became inseparable, he's super close with Nancy, so there's that. We all loved being around each other, but our schedules this year were practically polar opposites. And I wasn't exactly a 'social butterfly'. I'm painfully shy unless I know someone well, so I pretty much keep to myself.

Now, the jocks... well, they're in a social class of their own. Chrissy Cunningham is super sweet and never gives me problems, but the others... what a shit show.

I love Metal and Glam bands, which is evident by the many pictures of my favorite musicians plastered all over my book covers and inside my locker. I also wear a lot of band t-shirts. That's part of the reason the jocks give me so much shit. That and my all-around lack of girly appearance. I wasn't hard on the eyes, but I was a tomboy. I also made a huge mistake last year. A brief obsession with Depeche Mode resulted in me cutting off all my hair, which kinda made me look like a boy, so that earned me some torment. It's grown enough to where I'm able to style it again, and I did start wearing lipstick this year, but that was as girly as I got.

"No, you're right, Robin. I just... you know I don't have an easy time talking to people."

"Hi, ladies! Sorry, I'm late. I got held up in Clarke's class. Nance has a school paper thing so she's not eating today." Vickie set her lunch on the table and sat down next to Robin. "What's with her?" She asked, noticing my melancholy expression.

"Oh, you know. The usual. Classes without us, her lack of social skills, the jock jackoffs."

"Ah, I see. They still givin' you shit?"

"That's an understatement. And I have Clarke next period with ALL of them. It's a nightmare."

The bell rang signaling the end of lunch. "Well, off to Hell. I'll see you guys later." They waved at me with sympathetic looks on their faces as I headed to my next class.

●●●●●

I was sitting at my Biology table, listening to my Walkman like I always do, waiting for class to start. I'd just about finished doodling a Megadeth logo on my notebook when my headphones were knocked down my forehead. I looked over to see Jason and his goons laughing at me. I turned in my chair so I was facing him. "Touch me again, Carver, and I'll break your fucking arm."

"Ooooo... I'm scared, Y/l/n." Jason laughed again and sat down. Chrissy gave me a look of concern. I could tell she wasn't ok with what Jason was doing. I gave her a little smirk to let her know I was fine when I heard a gravelly voice chime in from behind me.

"I wouldn't test her, Carver. I'm pretty sure she can kick your ass." (What the fuck!) I turned to find Eddie standing next to my table. He smiled at Chrissy and my heart sank. (Figures... he likes the pretty cheerleader... Wait!... He wasn't in this class. What was he doing here? What the Hell was happening right now?!)

"Oh, is that so, Freak?" Jason got in Eddie's face.

"Sure is... go ahead, find out. I'd love to see her break your arm. Ooooo, but then how would you play your precious game of balls and laundry baskets?" Jason pushed Eddie hard causing him to stumble backward. I started to get out of my seat to intervene. Luckily Mr. Clarke walked in before anything else could happen.

"Alright Class. Everyone settle down." He shot Jason and Eddie a look.

"You're lucky, Freak," Jason whispered.

"Go fuck yourself, Carver," Eddie spat back as Jason went back to his seat. Eddie leaned over to me. "This seat taken?"

"Uh, no... no." He smiled at me and sat down, leaning over to look at my doodle.

"Megadeth... nice!" He flashed me the Megadeth patch on his vest and smiled. I smiled brightly meeting his huge, gorgeous, brown eyes then looked away bashfully. I was still very confused by... well... everything, so I turned back to him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I whispered.

"Oh, hi Munson, good to see you," he whispered. "Hey... thanks for coming to my rescue back there. That was very kind and manly of you." His words were dripping with sarcasm. He just smiled at me and turned to his books. We continued in hushed voices.

"Alright, smartass... I didn't mean it like that." He winked at me, causing the butterflies in my stomach to do summersaults. I looked down at my notebook, hoping the flushed feeling in my cheeks wasn't visible. "What I meant was... you're not in this class... so why are you sitting here?"

"Turns out I need one more science class to graduate. I refuse to be a 4th year Senior, so I dropped study hall and picked up Biology."

"Oh... cool..." I smiled to myself. "And by the way... I didn't need rescuing. I'm a black belt in Taekwondo, but I appreciate the gesture."

"I know..." he whispered. I looked at him shocked, but his attention was fixed on Mr. Clarke.

"You... you do?!"

"Of course." Still no movement.

"Wha... HOW?"

He turned his head my way and smiled. "Y/n... Doll." He emphasized the word 'Doll' with a cock of his head and a smirk. I lifted my brow giving him that 'what the fuck did you just call me?' look. "I've been secretly stalking you in the hopes of one day catching you unaware and locking you up in my sex dungeon." I blinked dramatically and my eyes went wide, but his inability to keep a straight face was my assurance that he was joking. I smiled, shaking my head, and glared waiting for the real answer. "The Taekwondo place is right next to the gas station. I see you there all the time."

"Ahhhhh, well, I guess I dodged a bullet." I let out an exaggerated breath and feigned wiping sweat from my brow.

"So does this mean you're not interested in being my sex slave?" His smile was ridiculous, and he tapped my arm, chuckling at my seemingly unamused expression. "I may be a freak, Doll, but contrary to popular belief, I'm not a sadistic deviant... unless you want me to be." He flashed me a wicked smile and wiggled his eyebrows.

I snickered and shook my head. "There's something seriously wrong with you, Munson." I couldn't help but smile. His deep laughter was so enticing.

"Well, it got you smiling, so I'd say that's a win." I nodded and returned my attention to my notebook. (Jesus, when did it get so fucking hot in here) "And by the way, I'd never offer you up to the wolves like that if I didn't know you could fight," he trailed off. "Although... I was kinda hoping you'd beat his ass. I would've loved to see the look on his face." I just laughed.

"Ok guys... we're having a lab today, so pair up," Clarke announced.

My anxiety reared its ugly head. No one ever wants to partner with me in this class. I always get stuck with Keith. I looked over at him, and sure enough, there he was, chewing on his pencil, staring at me. He stood up and started to walk over. (No... no, no, no, no, no, no!) Eddie must've noticed the look of fear on my face.

"Sorry dude... Y/n agreed to be my partner today." Eddie chimed in before Keith could get a word out.

"I did?" He bumped my knee with his. "Yeah... yeah, I did... sorry, Keith."

"Whatever," he said and walked away.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks," I said.

"No problem, Doll... and they call me a freak. Nice enough dude, but he takes creepy to a whole new level." I laughed and nodded in agreement.

We managed to get through class without any more issues from the douchebag convention, and when it was over we cleaned up our equipment.

"Lemme walk you to your next class... you know... in case Carver and his cronies want to try anything."

"I appreciate it, Munson, but it's really not necessary."

"Not for your protection, Doll... for mine." We both laughed. "Come on," he waved for me to follow him. I threw my bookbag over my shoulder and ran after him.

We got quite a few looks from people as we walked down the hall together, and by the look on Eddie's face, it didn't go unnoticed.

He leaned over to me. "You sure you wanna be seen with the town Freak?"

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Fuck these people, Munson. It's so childish. I'm very aware that you're not some Satanic, Devil worshiper." He smiled brightly at my words.

"Yeah, well...you're one of a select few." He said bashfully. All of a sudden Eddie was pushed from behind and slammed into a set of lockers. Jason came out of nowhere and got right in Eddie's face.

"Not so tough now, are ya, Freak! WHAT THE...!" I grabbed Jason by the arm and locked it painfully behind his back. "What, you need your freaky little girlfriend to fight your battles for you, Munson? OW, FUCK!" I pushed Jason face-first into the lockers and tightened my grip. Everyone in the hall was watching the commotion as Jason tried desperately to free himself.

"Hey, I'm a lover, not a fighter. And she makes her own decisions, Dick!"

"He's not the only one who's sick of your shit, Carver. Now... unless you want me to make good on my offer, I suggest you and your goon squad leave us, and the rest of the Hellfire Club, the fuck alone... that is... unless you want the entire school to know that you got your ass beat by 'Munson's freaky little girlfriend'." The words just spilled out, I didn't even realize what I said 'cause I was so pissed.

"Yeah, ok, ok! Whatever, you crazy bitch!" And with that, I let him go and glared at him. He straightened himself up, and he and his cronies ran in the opposite direction. When I spotted Chrissy my expression softened and I mouthed an 'I'm sorry', but she just smiled and followed after them. I turned my attention back to Eddie.

"Sorry about that. You ok?"

"Are you kidding?! That was fucking Metal, Doll. Did you see his face? Totally worth it." He shot me a wink and we smiled at each other. To my surprise, he threw his arm over my shoulder. "Thanks...," then he leaned in close and said jokingly, "freaky girlfriend." I smiled shyly, and we continued walking to my next class.

●●●●●

The rest of the week was absolutely amazing. Eddie entertained me every day in Biology, he started walking me to all of my classes, we'd make faces at each other across the cafeteria, and then sneak to the woods to have a cigarette before class. And the best part... the jocks had finally backed off. Sure we got seething glances from Carver and his dick bag friends, but that's where it ended.

On Friday after school, I was walking with Eddie to his Hellfire meeting when we ran into Robin and Vickie as they were leaving the band room. We said our goodbyes to Eddie and he headed around the corner, but not without throwing a wad of paper at my head before he vanished. I opened up the paper to reveal his messy scribbles and smiled.

Play pool with me tonight after Hellfire. 8 o'clock. I'll pick you up.

Eddie

"What was that about?" Vickie asked.

"Nothing... he wants to play pool tonight."

She chuckled, "Does he know how ridiculously good you are?"

"No, he does not." I smiled slyly.

"Well..." Robin started. "We're going to get a coffee before I have to be at work. Wanna join?"

"Absolutely!"

●●●●●

The three of us made our way to the local coffee shop. We grabbed our drinks and sat down at a table in front of the building.

"God, aside from lunch, I feel like we haven't seen you in ages."

"Yeah... I'm sorry about that, Robin. I had Keith change my schedule this week so I could work on my car with my dad."

"Ah, well... you need to have a phone put in your garage then. I was starting to get worried when I couldn't reach you."

"I'm so sorry. You know I hate to worry you." I gave her a big hug.

"I see you've been spending a lot of time with Munson." Vickie shot me an accusatory smile.

"Yeah, well, thank God he picked up Biology. We've become pretty good friends. That reminds me. The jocks have finally backed off! I think Carver realized I was serious about fucking him up. I'm actually glad I lost my shit." They both laughed.

"I still can't believe I missed that. It's about time someone put that asshole in his place." I nodded at Robin. "I'm also glad you took my advice and stepped out of your shell. It's nice to see you're not miserable anymore. And Munson seems like a good dude."

"Yeah, well... he's the one who initiated conversation. He's so sweet, and surprisingly easy to talk to, and super funny. I'm constantly in stitches. He even walks me to all my classes." The thought of him was making me giddy. I looked down and smiled, biting my lip.

"Oh... my God!"

"What?" I realized my mistake and tried to play dumb.

Robin gave Vickie a swat on the arm. "Do... do you have a thing for Munson?!" I'm pretty sure I was blushing. "You... you do, don't you?!"

"I FUCKING KNEW IT!" Vickie yelled.

"NO!... I mean... I really wouldn't call it a thing..." I was shifting uncomfortably in my chair, unable to look them in the eyes. "He's just... he's really sweet, ya know? Not the crazed, Satanic lunatic everyone makes him out to be... I don't know..." I trailed off, picking at my coffee cup.

"Oh... oh, Wow! You know you can't play dumb with us. You're a terrible liar."

Vickie started on me again. "I mean, I thought I caught you staring at him a couple of times, but... Wow!"

"Shut up." I looked down at my cup again. "Yes, I stare at him... a lot... but... well, look at him! He's a gorgeous metalhead, and you know I love me a metalhead... but... it's not like he's interested in me. I think he likes Chrissy. He's always smiling at her." By the looks on their faces, they could sense I was disappointed. "We're just friends. We enjoy each other's company. He likes that I treat him like a human being."

"Oh... oh honey... no." Robin continued. "I see the way he looks at you."

"Wait... WHAT?!"

"Well... you know nothing gets past me. I see it all the time!"

"You DO?!"

"Well... yeah."

"W-why haven't you ever said anything?! How long has this been going on?!" I was hysterical.

"Since Junior year," Vickie said nervously.

"JUNIOR YEAR?!" I yelled. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

Robin continued. "Yeah... well, it started with just glances here and there. I didn't think anything of it... and then... I started to notice it a lot more."

"L-like, when?"

"Well... at first it was just at lunch... then I noticed it when we all had Algebra together... then whenever we were at the arcade... and at the Video Store." She winced, waiting for my reaction.

"Jesus, Robin! I can't fucking believe this! I'VE BEEN DROOLING OVER HIM FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS!"

"Yeeeeeeaaaaah... Harrington picked up on it too."

"Oh... well... that's just fucking great! Why the hell didn't anyone tell me?!"

"We wanted to, but... when you started to get all that shit from the jocks, we just thought..." she hesitated for a moment, looking at Vickie, "we thought adding Munson to the mix would've made things worse for you."

"Oh, Robin... you know I don't care about that shit!"

"I know! I'm sorry... we were worried about you."

I sighed heavily and grabbed each of them by the hand. "Look, I don't blame you guys. You're my best friends. I love you both, and I know you've only ever looked out for me... I'm just... I'm kicking myself right now. I didn't mean to take out my frustration on you guys. I should've made a move earlier. I just... I never did because I thought for sure he had a thing for Chrissy!"

"Oh no, Hon... he's nice to most girls. He's always been like that... and um..."

"And, what?!"

She exhaled heavily. "Well, a while back, Nancy overheard Mike and Eddie talking. Eddie was telling Mike how pretty he thought you were, but he was afraid to approach you because he didn't think you would waste your time on 'The Freak'," Robin held up her fingers in air quotes, "of Hawkins High. Mike told him you weren't shallow like that and told him to go for it, but..."

"But WHAT?!"

She shuddered before continuing. "He noticed how the jocks treated you too. Like us, he didn't want to make it worse." I pressed my fingers to my temples. I felt like my head was about to explode as I processed all this new information. "But... m-maybe he changed his mind about that. Now that I think about it... it would explain why he asked me what science class you were in." She immediately slapped her hands over her mouth realizing what she just said.

"He did WHAT?!" They both shuddered at my reaction.

"I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry! Please don't kill me." She pleaded.

I just waved it off, leaning my head back over my chair, and covering my face with my hands. "Oh... my God." I sat bolt upright. "I just had an epiphany... it all makes sense now."

"What?... What makes sense?"

"His decision to take Biology... his behavior... why he stood up for me... why he wants to walk me to my classes... why he's so touchy with me."

Robin and Vickie exchanged confused glances. "Um... what're we missing?"

"He caught me staring at him at lunch on Monday!"

"So."

"SO! He... he caught me staring... and, and, and... I tried to hide it by looking away, but when I looked over again to see if he noticed he was smilingoooooooooh, shit!... He knows! That's why he finally started talking to me! He was testing the water. That was his IN."

"Well... that's good, right?" Vickie asked.

"What?!" I shot her a horrified glance. "I... I don't know! I mean... yeah it's good, but... SON OF A BITCH! I've just wasted the last year and a half pining for no fucking reason!!! I could've been with him this whole fucking time! What the hell am I supposed to do now?!"

"Uh... first, you're gonna calm the fuck down, then you're gonna go home, put on something HOT, and go get you that metalhead you've always wanted."

I nodded at Robin in agreement. I shakily grabbed a smoke from my bag, lit it, and took a drag trying to calm my nerves.

"Guys... I'm sorry. You know how much I love you and Nance, but I'm gonna be absent a bit longer." I got up quickly, pulled them both into a hug, and smiled. "I have a LOT of lost time to make up for." And with that, I ran like hell to my car.

"TELL YOUR DAD YOU'RE STAYING AT MY PLACE THIS WEEKEND!!!" Robin shouted after me, smiling.

●●●●●

I was sitting in my room on my bed. My leg was going a mile a minute. I was so nervous and excited. I took Robin's lead and told my dad I'd be spending the weekend at her house. This was nothing out of the ordinary so he didn't question it... but I had other plans. I decided to throw on my pleated, plaid skirt, a short, navy blue, low-cut, tank to match, and my Docs. I styled my messy pixie cut and put on my raisin-colored lipstick. Then I heard it, Eddie's van pulling into the driveway. I looked out the window, grabbed my bag, and bolted downstairs. I yelled bye to my dad and ran outside before Eddie could make it to the door.

"Hey, Doll. Where's the fire?" I don't know what came over me but I was compelled to give him a big hug, which I'd never done before. I think it kinda threw him off, but he went with it and held me close. (God, he smelled so good) "You alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Let's get outta here." I ran to the van.

"Ok?" He opened the passenger door for me and walked around the front of the van to get into the driver's seat. Once he'd closed the door, he just... looked at me. I must've seemed mental. "You sure you're ok?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm... I'm good. Just... excited to play."

"Alright, let's go then." He shot me a smile and started the van.

When we got to the arcade we claimed an empty pool table, and Eddie went and got us something to drink. I picked out a pool cue and checked it for balance, chalked it up, and racked the balls.

"Damn... done this before?" He set our drinks on the table.

"Um, not really," I lied. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was determined to have a little fun with him. "I've played a few times with the girls and Harrington, so I picked up the basics."

"Ok... you wanna break?"

"Uh, no... you go ahead. I kinda suck at that." (Where the hell was I going with this?)

"Alright... prepare to be schooled by the master."

I just laughed. "You're on, Munson."

We played a few games. He was really good, but not as good as I was, which he had yet to discover. Then I made a split decision that would most definitely change the dynamic of our entire relationship, or lack thereof.

"Dammit, Munson! You won again."

"Yeah, well... there's not much to do in this boring ass town but get high, drink beer, and do shit like this." He smiled that gorgeous smile. (Here goes nothin')

"Care to make it interesting?"

"What'd you have in mind, Doll?" He was genuinely intrigued. He lit a cigarette and took a drag.

"A friendly wager."

"I'm listening," he said, exhaling a cloud of smoke.

"Let's keep it simple. If I win, I get to ask something of you, and if you win, you get to ask something of me."

"Ok? What are we asking for?"

"Whatever... just... keep it a secret. That way neither one of us feels compelled to throw the game."

"Fair enough. You got a deal." We shook on it.

I smiled slyly. "Rack 'em," I told him.

"As you wish."

I started to play a bit better, still not to my full potential, but enough to where I had one ball left and he had a shot at the 8. He placed his cigarette between his lips. "Here we go, Doll. 8 ball, corner pocket."

I lit a cigarette of my own. He shot me a wink and bent down to line up his shot. He looked so sexy with the cigarette hanging from his pouty lips, and the smoke billowing in front of his face. I put my cigarette between my lips and immediately walked to the pocket at which he was aiming. I leaned my hands on the corner of the table and bent down slightly. He was just about to shoot when I leaned in more, using my biceps to push my boobs together so he had a good view of my cleavage. When his eyes caught sight the stick slipped from his grip and he knicked the side of the cue ball, missing his shot. He didn't move. He just stared at me in disbelief as I gave him an evil smile.

I straightened up, grabbed my pool cue, chalked it up, and took my shot. I sank my last ball with ease. Then I went for the 8. I called my shot. "Side pocket." I moved around the table in front of him, brushing my ass against the front of his jeans, and I bent over the table to line up my shot. I could feel the hem of my skirt lift slightly as I did so. No doubt he was staring at my ass. I took the shot, and the game was over. "Wooooooooo," I threw my arms in the air victoriously. "I win!" He looked at the ground chuckling, and shook his head, then peered at me through those dark lashes.

"That was dirty pool, Doll."

"Why, Mr. Munson. Whatever do you mean?" I went to the little high-top table, grabbed my drink, and took a sip like nothing happened. He walked over to me, hands in his pockets, and stood a few inches in front of me, still staring. His eyes were incredible. All I could do was stare back, frozen in place.

"You know exactly what I mean." He took his hands out of his pockets, put them on my waist, and slowly backed me into the wall. "You hustled me... and you cheated."

My head was spinning. His eyes were boring into mine. "I... I did no such thing."

"Oh?... so you didn't just pretend that you have no skills, or flash those perfect tits of yours making me miss my shot?" His eyes veered toward my chest before meeting mine. His body was pressed completely against mine, his lips lingering inches from my face, and his fingers at the edge of my shirt brushing my skin lightly.

I shook my head slowly. "Nope... I won fair and square." He laughed slightly and backed away leaving me breathing heavily. (FUCK!) I could feel the wetness starting to pool between my legs.

He sat at the table, propped his elbow on it, and rested his chin in his hand. "Alright... if that's how you wanna play... what are your demands?" He continued to smile knowing he wouldn't win this battle.

"Well... first I'd like to know what you were gonna ask for... had you not had your ass handed to you."

"You really wanna know?"

"Wouldn't have asked if I didn't."

"Alright then," he straightened up on the stool and laced his fingers together resting them on his lap. Then he lifted a hand and beckoned me over with one finger. I obliged and walked to him slowly until I was standing between his knees. I gave a startled squeal as he lifted me by the backs of my thighs and sat me down on the edge of the pool table. I started laughing. Eddie rested his hands on the table on either side of my hips and looked down at my face. "I uh... I was gonna ask if... if you uh... if you wanted to be my freaky little girlfriend." I just smiled as he spoke, looking down at my lap, blushing.

"Oh. Well, that's... that's too bad... 'cause, um... 'cause I probably would've said yes. Sucks for you, huh?" I teased, then looked back up at his face.

"Oh yeah? Well, if you would've said yes... I was also gonna ask if I could do this." He practically whispered his words and moved in closer between my legs. I could feel his cock starting to get hard through his jeans as it pressed firmly against my now-soaked core. He took my face in his hands and placed his lips on mine. It started soft, and then he pulled my head closer, deepening the kiss as he shoved his tongue in my mouth. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tangled my fingers in his soft, curly hair as we crushed our faces together. When he broke the kiss we were both breathing heavily. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me close, still looking at my face as I continued to play with his hair.

"So, um... what else do you want from me?" He wiggled his eyebrows. I let out a hearty laugh.

"Well... a couple of things actually."

"Huh. Is that so?" He leaned in and whispered in my ear. "And, uh... what would those things be?"

"Well... I'd like to ask you a question..." He just waited. "Do you really think my tits are perfect?"

"Uhh..." He looked down at them, cheeks flushed, and licked his lips. Then his eyes met mine. "Doll... what're you trying to do to me?" He did look like he was having a really hard time holding back.

"I'm asking the questions, Munson... answer," I whispered the demand.

"Uh," he started laughing nervously. "I can only imagine how perfect they are... and... I've imagined them... a lot," he confessed. "Like... A LOT, a lot." I smiled bashfully. "And, Doll?"

"Yeah?" I whispered.

"That ass of yours..." he sucked in a breath of air and furrowed his brow emphasizing his approval, "now that's the money maker." He smiled at me playfully as I laughed.

"Eddie?"

"What, Sweets?"

"We've wasted so much time."

He looked genuinely confused. "How do you mean?"

"I mean... what I really want... is you." He looked at me completely shocked.

"Me?!" I gave him a nod. "How so?" God, he was oblivious.

I rolled my eyes and sighed before I continued. "Eddie... how should I put this?" I placed my hand on the back of his head and pulled it forward so I could whisper into his ear. "First off... you look like you just pissed yourself," he immediately looked down at his crotch in horror, "and the reason for that... is because I'm not wearing any underwear." He lifted his head. I had his attention now. "Secondly... my dad thinks I'm at Robin's all weekend... soooo... I want you... to take me to your place... 'cause I've been crazy about you for almost two years... and we need to make up for lost time." I placed a small wet kiss just below his ear lobe, let go of his head, and leaned back to look at him. The look on his face was priceless. Then I hopped off the pool table and ran like hell to the van. He was chuckling devilishly, and not far behind.

●●●●●

When he pulled up to his trailer he jumped out of the van and threw open the passenger door. He scooped me up and threw me over his shoulder before kicking the door shut. Then he ran with me into his trailer. He carried me back to his bedroom and threw me onto the bed. I watched him with excitement as he removed his jacket and shirt, jumped on top of me in crazy Eddie fashion, and peppered my skin with a bunch of little kisses. He had me laughing so hard. When he stopped to look at me I stopped laughing and gazed into his dreamy eyes.

"Watching you prance around in this outfit tonight... I wanted to bend you over the pool table and take you right then and there." I could not help but moan. He leaned down and kissed me like it was his last day on Earth. He licked a trail down my neck before stopping at the crook and sucking a mark into it, then he trailed gentle kisses down my chest as he used the tips of his fingers to gently pull down the straps of my shirt and bra until he freed my breasts. He just hovered above me staring at them.

"My imagination did not do you justice, Doll. You are... so beautiful." He leaned down and took one of my breasts into his mouth and started massaging the other. He made sure to pay the same attention to each one. I tangled my fingers in his hair trying not to moan like an idiot as he tongued at my sensitive nipples. He removed my top and my bra completely then licked a hot, wet trail down my stomach, making his way to my aching core. He lifted my skirt and sat back on his heels covering his mouth with his hands as he gawked. "Jesus, Doll... so incredibly gorgeous. I can't believe I did this to you." I smiled at him, chewing nervously on my thumbnail as he admired me. He could hardly contain his excitement as he stared at the huge wet spot between my legs. He crawled back up my body and gave me a gentle kiss before slowly disappearing back below my waistline. He leaned down, placed his arms under my thighs, and rested his hands on my stomach. He took one more look before plunging his tongue into my folds.

"Oh... my, God!" I couldn't control my whimpering. I reached out to either side of the bed and clenched the sheets in my hands as he worked me over. My chest was heaving, my body shaking as his tongue touched all the right spots.

"Mmmm... fuck... you taste so fucking good." He continued to lick and suck at my clit. Tiny flicks with his tongue were enough to make me fall apart.

"Eddie!" I managed to breathe out. "I'm... I'm!"

"Come on, Doll. Cum on my face." He continued his torturous movements and the knot in my stomach came undone.

"Uhhhh... God! EDDIE!!! FUCK!!!" I couldn't control my breathing as he devoured everything my body was giving him. When he sensed the end of my high he placed a soft kiss on my folds, wiped his mouth with his hand, and crawled back up my body to claim my lips again. We wrapped our arms around each other breathing each other in.

To his surprise, I rolled him onto his back and straddled his lap. He started laughing and brought his hands to my face, rubbing my cheeks gently with his thumbs before bringing me down for another kiss. I worked my lips down his cheek to the sweet spot under his ear. "Oh, Doll... that... that feels good." I trailed more kisses down his chest. His skin was so warm and delicious. I placed a kiss on his tattoo and flicked both of his nipples with my tongue, making him shiver. I licked a trail down the hair on his abdomen before undoing his pants. His cock was so hard it was difficult to unbutton his jeans. When I finally got them undone I pulled down his zipper and started to pull down his pants. He lifted his hips ever so slightly so I could pull them off the rest of the way.

I was staring, mouth agape in complete awe. He was truly blessed. "That's what you do to me, Doll."

"Looks like I wasn't the only one going commando." I shot him a devilish grin before taking his length in my hand and plunging my mouth onto him. He let out the most delicious sound I'd ever heard. I took him out of my mouth and licked a thick stripe from his balls to his tip before going down on him again. I took him so deep my nose touched his trail.

"Ohhhhhh, FUCK! You... you're gonna have to stop that... or I'm not gonna last much longer." His breathing was uneven. I gave him one last lick, removed my skirt completely, and climbed onto his lap. I put my hands on his chest and rubbed his cock through my wet folds before I sank onto him. It was painful, but a good pain. I leaned forward and rested my forehead on his as I got used to his size. He wrapped his arms around me, hands flat on my back. "You alright, Doll?" I just nodded, eyes closed, assuring him I was ok and started to move.

The sounds we were making were downright pornographic. He cupped my breasts in his hands, taking them into his mouth as I rode his magnificent dick. I straightened up and arched backward starting to pick up the pace. He grabbed me by the hips and squeezed.

"You are so fucking sexy." He sat up to meet me, grabbed my face, and pulled my lips to his. Wrapping his arms around me and resting his forehead on my chest, I threw my arms around his neck and held him close as I continued my movements. "I... I can't fucking believe I'm inside you right now... mmm... mmmhhh."

"E-Eddie... this feels so right." He looked up at me. I grabbed his face and smashed my lips to his, then rested my head on his shoulder, hugging him so tight. I couldn't hold him close enough. He could sense my need for him, so he laid back down pulling me with him, and rolled me over so he was on top. He was being so gentle, savoring every feeling, making sure I knew how he felt. I wrapped my legs around his waist, still hugging him close as he made love to me. He kissed me tenderly as he continued to bury himself deep inside me.

"I'm... I'm so close, Doll. Cum with me?" And that's all it took. I nodded and buried my face in his neck as the sensation overtook me.

"Fuck, Eddie... EDDIE!!!" I dug my nails into his back, still not letting him go.

"Shit... uhhhh, HOLY FUCK!!!" He emptied himself into me as my walls squeezed tightly around him. We lie still for a moment trying to catch our breath. He wrapped his arms around me, kissed my neck, and sighed heavily. "You... are so amazing." He squeezed me tighter like he was afraid I would disappear. I kissed the side of his head and held him. And then it happened. I started to cry.

"Oh, Doll," he lifted his head and looked at me with concern in his eyes, "no... no, no... don't cry... please don't cry." He rolled off of me and sat up pulling me to his chest. He held me close and rocked me, running his fingers gently through my hair. I was so fucking happy, but I couldn't stop the tears. I grabbed at him desperately and tried to hold him even closer. "Shhhhhh... don't cry... shhhhhh." He kissed my head.

"I'm... I'm sorry... I'm just..." I lifted my head from his chest so I could look at him, "I'm so fucking happy." I crashed my lips to his, before speaking again. "I've wanted this for so long, and... and I could've been with you this whole time. I'm sorry if I ruined the moment. I don't mean to be a blubbering mess. I'm just... so happy." Niagra Falls still poured down my face.

"Hey, hey, hey... stop." He grabbed my face in his hands and chuckled playfully. "You're such a spaz... but it's so cute." He smiled so brightly, and I just laughed. He wiped the tears from my face with his thumbs then kissed my forehead tenderly and cradled me against his chest. "We both messed up... but better late than never, yeah?" I nodded. "I've finally got you... and only you have the power to end this... 'cause I'm never letting you go."

"Oh, Eddie... I'm really sorry to say this... but," I looked up at him and he looked like his heart was about to break, "unfortunately you're stuck with me." His expression eased. He dropped his head and let out a huge sigh of relief. He met my gaze again and lifted his eyebrows.

"Dirty pool, Doll." Then he smirked, poked me in the side making me squeak, and pulled me down with him. We were both laughing now. He laid on his side and pulled me against him. I buried my head in his chest as he held me close.

"Eddie?"

"Yeah, Doll?"

"I love you." He smiled into my hair.

"I fuckin' adore you, Y/n." He laughed again. "Does this mean you'll be my freaky little girlfriend?" I nodded into his chest, laughing happily.

"Good... 'cause I love you too much to let you go."

❤️❤️❤️

●●●♡●●●

Thank you so much for the support. It's truly appreciated!

This story can also be found on my Wattpad account

#eddie munson #eddie munson fandom #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #stranger things #stranger things smut #friends to lovers #hawkins #18+ only #18+ fic #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie x y/n #eddie x reader

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rosemarytrash · 7 months

Text

me drama posting cuz i actually had a really good experience today but it was rly nerve wracking lmao

in case some of you didn't know, i currently live in montana!! it's a nice enough state for its nature and the like, but politically it's kind of a shit show. pros and cons y'know, but as a trans guy it's fairly lame. also, bcuz geography is important, i live in eastern montana, not on the cool western side where all the mountain queers go hang out. that's generalizing a lot but it is what it is so bare with

anyway, back in 2021 there was a bill passed (SB 280) that effectively made it impossible for trans people to change their gender marker on their birth certificate or other identifying documents without having a sex change surgery, while at the same time writing in that no surgery exists to change your sex on a chromosomal level or any of that bullshit. whereas before that bill was passed, montana law was a little more loosey goosey about it. mainly in that it didn't yet have a republican legislature hyperfixated on a culture war to drum up support so trans people weren't really IDENTIFIED by the law, which was ironically kind of easier to navigate. idk, shit weird, i'm no expert

anyway, tbh, i never really CARED about changing my gender marker. i changed my name legally back when i was like 15 or 16 and i believe, at that time, i had the option to simultaneously change my gender marker. for whatever reason, i decided not to. i think it had something to do with healthcare and trying not to fuck up the future possibility of getting on T, which didn't happen for another year for me. i've also always been fairly loose about my gender identity in terms of a full identification with maleness/manhood. like, i'm a guy, i'm a dude, don't call me anything except that, but on a deeply personal level i see myself a little more in between on that kind of scale. maybe something inherently non-binary but no label has ever quite fit the bill, so trans guy with an asterisk will have to do. anyway!!! i don't really recall why i made that call, but i had, and it truthfully never really got me into any trouble. for all the times i later had to flash my ID, even to this date, i can only really recall one time where a gas station clerk gave me a weird look and said "sir... ma'am... sir-ma'am... here ya go" when i was buying cigarettes lmao. i was never questioned about it by employers and as far as i know was never turned away from a job because of it (which is good because montana doesn't have employment protections for trans people (last i checked)). so i truthfully spent a good 7 or so years relatively unbothered by this fact or by the fact that i had an F on my driver's license. it was inconsequential to me

recently though with republicans doing more and more lines of anti-LGBTQ cocaine and more people becoming aware of trans people, it's been unsettling here. y'know just mildly discomforting. and mentally that is fatiguing. i've also only now encountered some bureaucratic bullshit that's like okay, wow, this is actually going to be a bigger problem in the future and i'm not wanting to deal with that. mainly in the form of i'm getting married here soon, we want to try and do some kind of honeymoon adventure in the distant future, so for that i need an passport and from what i've read that can be a real fucking headache for trans people and it can be even harder to change in the future. so like blugh. i'm also in the process of applying to grad school and it's just--kind of annoying to have to identify myself a certain way. it's weird cuz i won't pretend it's put me in some life-threatening situation or there's anything that feels DIRE about needing to change it, but it just feels like there'd be a lot less awkwardness and vulnerability if i did. ironically when montanans were less redpilled i didn't care about changing all my legal shit over, but now that your average grandpa here thinks of trans people as botched teenage girls or child predators in bathrooms and THAT's their reason for getting out of the house to go to the polls next year, well yeah now i give a shit about "deceiving" the system. idk it's dumb

anyway i actually KNOW the girl who is the plaintiff against the govt in the lawsuit against SB 280. she's really cool and it's cool that i know her. i ended up reaching out to her a few months back to ask how that was going and what it meant for changing your gender marker in MT. and fantastically i had found out that late 2022 the judge on the case had issued an order that forced the DPHHS to suspend its practice under SB 280 since it was a fundamentally unworkable law and to return to its original practice prior, which allowed trans people and frankly anyone else with good enough cause to change their gender marker without meeting some bullshit made up requirements by the state.

it then took me months to get the gumption to actually write, edit, and file a petition for it. which i finally did today, and it surprisingly all got done in an afternoon, even though hypothetically the courthouse at 1PM on a tuesday should've been fairly busy. i'll be interested to see how it goes, because just cuz it's filed doesn't mean anything is certain. to my knowledge, LEGALLY, it should be a done deal, i should get an order from the judge that will allow me to get a new birth certificate and a new driver's license and all that jazz. but what do i know? the judge may want to have a hearing about it, which could be incredibly awkward in a courtroom full of other people waiting to have their cases heard, but idfk. my fingers are crossed that it'll go okay.

and it was kind of a good experience? i was as anxious as one could imagine. i'm a bearded dude walking in with paperwork asking kindly for an F to become an M lol. and the gals at the courthouse were momentarily confused, raised a few brows, had to talk to someone to see what the current rulings were in that previously mentioned lawsuit, but they were nice enough about it. they got my shit filed, they took $120 from me rather apologetically cuz that's what shit costs to file a civil petition in the state district courts. i get to find out by email if the judge will just approve the order i drafted or if he's going to want to speak to me. and i'm hoping either of those things happen before the wedding so none of that paperwork becomes a headache.

anyway this is a long post cuz i have a lot of thoughts and either i ramble on and on to my fiancee about it or i just splurge on whatever few unfortunate souls decide to read this :) thx if you do. there's no point really to any of it yk just airing out some thoughts i guess. i'll go draw some gay shit now <3

#personal #mostly txt #for a lazy background that's not too bad huh #i say that as someone who never does backgrounds #anyway gay art time methinks!#feel free not to read this it is not important i just dont have another home for my Thoughts

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blood-choke · 2 months

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Hi, I have a question about mc

So, I’m still in the beginning part of chapter two (mostly because I keep pausing to read other variations of my options I choose instead of just playing the game uninterrupted lol); and I was just wondering about some things.

I’ve gone through most asks on her about V and the way she treats mc when mc doesn’t go her way and I sort of understand her aggressiveness though it’s still triggering as I’ve not really seen the good parts, cuz my mc doesn’t trust her and finds her secretive nature suspicious; but I wonder like, was mc a bad person before entombment?

Like obvi everyone isn’t black and white and has grey areas in personality, but in the beginning Val just seems so triggered (?) that mc is alive again and here again with her. She only seems chill when you pick options that align with what she wants, but outside that, she seems truly disturbed like she needs to take a breather or sth.

This also came to mind cuz of how Hana talks about us TO us. Like saying how she expected us to not be like Val and her seeming disappointed that we were similar to Val, in that scene were we discover phones for the first time. Like, is that just cuz of the choice that prompted her jealousy, or is that because of how mc was a person before?

I hope I constructed those questions well lol, but it just makes me wonder if certain ways they react towards the mc are just cuz of how they are a people or cuz of how mc was as a person. Cuz it seems like she and Val had a pretty turbulent relationship; was that due to their personalities or the times they were in? I feel like that’ll be answered as the story goes on, but yeah; I do wonder if mc’s previous personality majorly influences how H and V act towards us.

this is not solely directed at you anon but i have gotten a lot of asks that essentially boil down to "who is the Correct one in this situation" and i've been kinda vague or ignoring the messages because it goes against the whole point of the story, but i've received enough questions like this i'm just going to do a blanket response to explain what my intention is with writing this and why there will be no straight answers to most of these questions.

i'll put it under a cut because it's going to be long (and i guess if you want to avoid potential spoilers). i'm not going to get into details, mainly just the overarching themes that i'm trying to communicate through the narrative and with characters like the mc and Valentina.

first, to start, let me talk about Valentina:

Valentina is written in a very intentional way. she is meant to be erratic and hypocritical and not very nice. she is hundreds of years old, and at this point nearly the entire last century of her life was spent in a controlling, abusive relationship. she is going to be both defensive and aggressive because she's still in a lot of pain and struggling to work through it. she has trust issues, she thinks everyone is using her for her money, she is very paranoid and sensitive. she, as the kids say, needs therapy. this does not absolve her of her poor treatment of Hana and the mc currently, but i hope this explains it better. she is meant to be a polarizing and challenging character.

i've said a few times now that you are never going to know who is telling the truth about Standard, you're never going to get a moment in game where it tells you exactly who is Right or Wrong. i've written Valentina the way i have because yes, you are supposed to doubt her, but also i'm a bit astounded by how many people seem to just have no sympathy for her at all (again not directed at you anon but just in general.) while you're never going to know if it was her idea or not, if she chose Standard or not, or even really know what happened between her and Julien, the indisputable facts are that she, as a lesbian, had to marry a man out of desperation and was forced to be his wife and daughter for nearly 90 years. she is not going to be well adjusted after this. she is not going to want to talk about this. she has valid reasons for being reluctant to share the horrible things that happened to her, as well as being a little suspicious.

she is a tragic character. she is the antithesis of the "perfect victim." we will get to have a bit of a "confrontation" with her at the start of the next chapter, and i'm hopeful that this will get across exactly why Valentina is the way she is in the text.

as for her relationship with mc, it has always been a bit intense, but they did love each other genuinely before. it's why mc did what they did to end up entombed in the first place. i would blame a lot of the problems of their relationship previously on the time period they were in. it wasn't easy for either of them. like i said before, being a vampire was not a get out of jail free card. it's been hinted at but mc and Valentina were living in poor conditions until the 1910s, where they finally started getting a foothold, by trapping and killing men and with mc themself dressing up as a man. but then what happened, happened, and mc was entombed in the 1920s.

was mc a bad person? i mean they very much did murder people along with Valentina. it's up to you how you feel about that. she murders people now in the demo. she's a vampire, she doesn't really have the same ethics as we do. was she bad to Valentina? sometimes. Valentina was bad to her, too. were they "toxic"? maybe. mc doesn't remember, and honestly Valentina doesn't remember that much either.

the mc waking up with no memory, while a convenient plot device in an IF game like this, was also done intentionally. you're never going to know if the mc was really a "bad person" though playing through you can probably feel that the mc does suspect that they were - is it true, or is this an insecurity around their butchness, a fear of her own masculinity? we don't know. part of the narrative is the mc reconciling this fact, as well as understanding that either way they can choose to be better - she's been given a second chance. she does not have to be a certain way because of who she is - the parallels being drawn between her and Standard are there to acknowledge this negative view of butches as just "men lite" as well as this bioessentialist idea that masculinity = bad. but just because the mc is butch does not mean she will end up like Standard or Atlas or Julien. and those three aren't bad just because they're men, they're bad because they choose to be bad and abuse their power over marginalized people. this is something that will be expanded upon as the story progresses and mc gets more comfortable in their identity and we see more of the council, particularly Sasha and Cassius.

and now with Hana, she's never met the mc before, so she kind of has this preconceived idea of her, and you do get that comment both because she's a bit jealous but also because she's afraid of the mc's jealousy. if you're at the start of ch2 you may have not had the conversation with Hana yet, but her irritation comes from the fear that you will get jealous of her and want to shove her out, despite her close relationship with Valentina, and this being her home, too. she assumes you're asking because you're trying to "sus her out" and decide whether you're going to align as friends or enemies. she says you're like Valentina in that regard because, like we touched on, Valentina is very paranoid and jealous.

to be clear i do understand the game is early on, we're only on ch3, so i don't expect readers to be able to magically intuit exactly what i'm writing (some of the stuff about mc is impossible to know at this stage). but i cannot stress enough that everyone in this story can be considered "bad" in some way, and you're not going to get a eureka moment where everything is clarified. it's meant to be messy and confusing. i'm never going to outright say "this character is the One True Villain, and this character is the Righteous one." hopefully this does clear a few things up, though, and better helps you (and everyone else that has been asking) understand what's going on, and what the deal is with both the mc and Valentina.

#again sorry anon this is not like personally directed at you im just using ur ask as an example #i hope ur enjoying exploring all the variations :-)#and i do hope this helps you understand; we will get 'softer' scenes with Valentina eventually #mc #valentina #ask #anonymous

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modern-day-bard · 3 months

Text

Worth The Feeling

Content Warning: 18+

This story contains explicit smut, intimidation, and an age gap relationship (26 x 40s). Minors, do not interact.

Chapter 13

Heat. That is all I have thought about all day. We should be getting out of here soon, ironically just as the sun is finally setting. It has been ten straight hours of running around, often uphill. And for whatever reason, I wasn't granted access to a golf cart today. This meant that I felt the full force of the Italian sun, and could certainly feel the sweat dripping lightly down my back.

I haven't been around Javi or any of the other talent today. I haven't even seen Lana. Most of my duties today were assisting the prop department on a nearby beach. I overheard some of the prop people saying that we were mapping out what was needed for this shot that was to take place in the next few days. My time was mainly spent waiting for people to hand me things, and carrying it up the hill to our truck. Or, occasionally, retrieving things from that truck. I was ecstatic when we got here in the morning and the air was still mild, but as the day went on, I'm lucky I haven't passed out from dehydration.

I'm just finishing up one of my last uphill trips when my walkie buzzes to life.

"Dwayne to Ava," I hear Dwayne's muffled voice.

"Go for Ava," I reply, placing one of the cushions I'm carrying into the back of the truck.

"We're about done for the day, but I want to chat with you when you have a second. Can you speak with me at base camp before you go?"

"Yeah, no problem. I'm finishing up here, I should be there in about ten."

"Copy," Dwayne says, and the fuzz on the other end dies down.

I take a deep breath, telling myself this will be the last time I have to go down another hill today. I take the steep, ten minute walk down to base camp, finding Dwayne by the vans that will take us back to the hotel. They look heavenly.

"Hey Ava, good work today." Dwayne greets me, glancing up from his phone just long enough to verify that it's me.

"Thanks Dwayne," I wait as he types on his phone. His furrowed brow is focused solely on the screen in front of him. "Did you have something else you wanted to talk to me about?" I ask lightly. I assume it's the list of tasks for tomorrow, or he needs me somewhere other than the beach.

He is silent for a moment longer, finishing up his text. "Yes. I would love it if we could discuss your position." He finally looks up from his phone, putting it in his pocket.

"How long have you been with us, Ava?"

"Um...about four years now I believe."

"And do you feel like you've learned a lot during that time?"

"Absolutely." Where is he going with this?

"I mean, do you feel like you've learned from a lot of different departments?"

I get the sense that I need to sell myself somewhat.

"Yes, I feel like I could jump into almost any department at this point. To help out, I mean. I've worked with sound, lighting, props, costumes...I could jump in anywhere."

Dwayne nods, bringing his thumb up to his lip in thought.

"You and I have worked together for a while. You're quick on your feet and you're quick to learn. I'm looking to train someone to fill my position. I know you're in graduate school, and if you do well here, you can meet more people. I interact with some of the editing team as well. It could be a great stepping stone."

My heart starts to pound at his words, and I can feel the smile splitting my face.

"Dwayne, I–I would love that. Thank you!" I know that I'm practically gushing, but it's been a long day, and I didn't even think that Dwayne remembered I was in graduate school. Let alone that he would be willing to introduce me to the studio's editors if I took over as Key-PA.

Dwayne shrugs, clearly uncomfortable with my glee. "We can work out the details once we're home, but for now you can train with me. Starting tomorrow, meet me here and you can follow my lead. Sound okay?"

"It sounds excellent! Thank you again, Dwayne." I shake his hand, surprising him slightly.

"See you tomorrow, Ava." He sounds just as matter-a-fact as always does, but I am elated. The warmth of the sun doesn't even bother me as I board one of the vans back to the hotel. I cannot wait to tell Lana. I should also probably give my parents a call. They'd certainly be relieved that this assistant job seemed to be moving somewhere. Granted, it's to another assistant job, but this has real promise.

I am way too wired to nap on the way back to the hotel. I excitedly burst through our door to tell Lana, but the room is empty and quiet. It didn't occur to me that the sound team may not be cleared for the day. Now would be a good time to call my parents, but I check the time difference on the East Coast and it's still the middle of the work day for them. I flop down on my bed in defeat.

Key-PA. I'd be reporting directly to the first assistant director. I wouldn't have to run around nearly as much, and I'd mainly be in charge of other PAs, so I wouldn't have to interact with talent as much as I do now. It would be so much easier, and most likely better pay. I mean, it had to be better pay if Dwayne had been doing it so long. I hadn't even thought to ask what position he'd be moving into. I hope that doesn't paint me in a bad light. Surely he'd noticed how excited I'd been. He would probably just assume I was taken off-guard, which really was the case. Regardless, I make a mental note to ask him more about his new position tomorrow.

My phone pings next to me on the bed. I lift it in front of my face, not bothering to sit up.

To my surprise, it's Javi.

Javi: Hot day today, huh?

I chuckle to myself.

Ava: We're discussing the weather now, are we?

I wait a moment before I see him typing.

Javi: I'm looking for an excuse to cool off. How about a swim?

A swim? We're an hour away from the lake. I'm about to protest, when another text comes through. This time it's a picture of an infinity pool overlooking the city.

Javi: Top floor. I'll let you in.

A few more moments pass.

Javi: That is, if you're interested.

I look lift my head, glancing around my empty hotel room, internally buzzing from my good news earlier. And not a soul to share it with.

Ava: I'll be up in 10

- - -

I only packed one bathing suit for this trip, in the spirit of packing light. Also in the spirit of knowing that this is a work trip, and that my free time, as usual, will be limited. The higher the elevator climbs, the more conflicted I feel over my one piece and jean-short combo. With my flip flops to complete the ensemble, I feel more dressed for a waterpark rather than an Italian penthouse infinity pool. The door pings, and I know it's too late to change my mind.

I enter into a plain, short hallway with a singular frosted door at the end. I move to open it, but it's locked. I see a keycard reader next to the door, and take out my card to swipe it.

Denied.

I try again. Denied.

I'm about to text Javi, when I see a shadow appear on the other side of the frosted glass, and the door opens to reveal his smiling face.

I hold up my keycard. "Premier access only, I'm guessing?"

Javi rolls his eyes, holding the door open for me as I step through. "You get the view, I get the pool."

"Uh-huh," I stroll past him only to suddenly stop short. The picture he had sent didn't do this view justice. Not by a long shot.

The infinity pool stretched across nearly the entire side of the building, looking out onto the ancient rooftops and giving way to the sparkling streetlights below. In the distance, you could see the top of the cathedral, and I could be mistaken, but I think I can also make out the Duomo rooftops. The sun had just set, and there was still one strip of deep magenta lining the edge of the sky past the cityscape. The pool itself had several lounge chairs and chaises, some even made to be submerged in the more shallow end of the pool. It was completely breathtaking.

"So," Javi says quietly from my left, "Was it worth the elevator ride?"

I scoff, "And the dehydration today. Ten times over."

Javi scowls at that, but doesn't say anything as he places his hand lightly on my lower back, guiding me to the side of the pool. The view had kept me from noticing the picnic set up on two of the chairs. There was a box of a pizza, a bottle of wine, and multiple bottles of water. My mouth salivated at the sight.

"I wasn't sure if you had eaten yet," Javi rubs the back of his neck.

I hadn't. I was so thrilled about my chat with Dwayne that it had completely slipped my mind. Now, with some of the magnificent scent of mozzarella wafting in the air, my stomach rumbles.

"Thank you," I smile at him. "I don't know what I'm more excited about. The pizza, or the water." I reach for one of the bottles, cracking it open and chugging. In the back of my mind, I know it isn't the most lady-like thing for me to do, but I can't resist.

Javi takes a seat in one of the chairs, and I follow his lead.

"You know, at the risk of sounding...old," he gives me a knowing smirk, "You should really be drinking water on set. You're out in the heat a lot longer than you are in L.A."

"Yeah, you're right," I say, taking another swig. "You do sound old."

He chuckles and opens the box of pizza. The smell alone practically wraps around my hand, forcing me to reach for a slice.

"Be careful," Javi says, his hand darting out in warning, "This is your first Italian pizza. Once you taste this, there's no going back."

I take another deep inhale of herb and mozzarella-filled air.

"I think I'm okay with that."

I take my first bite and—wow. Holy god, wow.

"Maybe I've just had a long day, but this is the most incredible thing I've ever had."

Javi beams, and I realize he may have been apprehensive waiting for my response. He takes a slice as well, his shoulders easing.

"I didn't see you much today," he says, picking off a rather long string of cheese.

I try to ignore how my heart flutters at those words. Was he looking for me?

"The Key-PA had me working on the setup for tomorrow with the prop department. You'll get to enjoy the beach a lot tomorrow, apparently."

"Dwayne?"

"Yeah, you know him?"

"Of course," He starts to uncork the wine. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I...I don't know. I guess I haven't met many actors who would know those things."

"Who has Norwick been hiring?" He says jokingly.

"You'd be surprised," I say before taking a sip of the wine he hands me. My eyes go wide.

"Oh yeah, that will be ruined for you too." He winks, taking a sip of his as well.

I take a few more sips, still jittery from my good news. I realize that I still want to share it. And looking at those deep brown eyes, and the soft smile of the man who got me dinner, and made sure I had enough to drink...I know that I want to tell him. Even though my future has proven to be a challenging topic for us.

"Despite the heat, today was actually a really good day. I got some great news from Dwayne." I paused for a moment, and Javi's raised eyebrows gave me enough encouragement to continue. "He wants to train someone to take over his position. He...asked me if I would be interested. He even said that if I do well, he could introduce me to some of the studios' editors." I take another sip.

"And what did you say?"

"I start shadowing him tomorrow."

"Ava!" His smile is contagious. "That's fantastic, congratulations." He reaches between us, squeezing my knee, "Your hard work deserves to be noticed."

"Thank you," I return his smile, "I was ecstatic when he asked me. I wanted to tell my parents or Lana but I haven't had the chance. I know I should be tired after a day like today but I'm just–I don't know. I'm so excited."

"I'm happy for you," his hand doesn't move from my knee, giving it another squeeze. His voice is gentle, and his joy for me is undoubtedly genuine. My gaze drifts from his eyes down to his mouth.

"I'm happy, too." I look back up from his lips to his eyes. Eyes that are inquisitive. Expectant.

"I do, however, still need to cool off." I pop up from my chair and move toward the edge of the pool. I admire the view again, turning in a slow circle, confirming what I already suspected. We were the only ones here. Eyes still on the cityscape, I kick off my flip flops before unzipping my jean shorts and shimmying them down my legs. I make an extra show out of bending down to step out of my shorts. Not completely necessary, but as I said, I'm happy. I feel good, and I want to keep feeling good. I turn back around to face Javi. His eyes were transfixed on my body, his hand gripping the stem of his wineglass far tighter than need be.

I take a step backwards onto the first step of the pool. The water that laps my ankles is warm, and my skin prickles in anticipation. I didn't imagine that I would be doing what I'm doing now when I agreed to meet him here. But the jitters that I felt earlier have molded into something different. With this view and this man...I have the overwhelming feeling that I need to soak up every moment. Every possible opportunity of solitude we have.

Javi drags his eyes back up my body before meeting my gaze.

"I like your bathing suit." He says, his low tone nowhere close to matching his nonchalant words.

"Really?" I raise an eyebrow, hooking my thumbs on both on the shoulder straps on each side. "I was rather disappointed with it." I bring one of my arms out of the straps, stepping down a few more steps into the water as I do so. I pull my other arm loose and gently pull the middle of the bathing suit down, exposing a generous amount of skin on my chest. "I think it might have to go."

Javi watches me, taking a long sip of his wine. Though he is as composed as ever, his complexion is much closer to the red of the liquid in his glass than beforehand. He places the glass down carefully.

"Ava," his voice warning, "What are you doing?"

I take a few more steps backward, now fully in the pool. It must be only about five feet deep. I bend my knees, sinking deeper into the water as I pull my bathing suit down further, ever so slightly.

"I'm cooling off, like you suggested." I'm keeping my tone as innocent as possible, turning my back on him as I pull my bathing suit past my breasts, down my stomach, and eventually step out of it completely. As I toss the sodden fabric onto the pool's edge, I hear Javi groan behind me. I look back over my shoulder, teasing. When I gaze at his eyes, they are a blazing mix of desire and concern.

"Anyone could come up here, Ava." His voice is hoarse.

I smirk, dipping my head backward to wet my hair, knowing that it will give him a pleasant peek of my bare chest skimming the surface of the water. When I pull my head back up, I turn to face him again, just low enough in the water to cover what I had just given him a glimpse of.

"Then I guess you should be quick about getting in here."

With a final sigh, and a look that could burn me where I stand, Javi rises from his chair and starts to unbutton his shirt. I study his movements as though I'll be tested on which finger undid which button. He doesn't give me nearly enough time to examine his glorious frame before he wades into the water himself. I want to look at him longer, now that I'm allowed to. Now that we aren't on set, and I don't have to look away as if I was just surveying the crowd. All I want to peruse is him.

Continuing my boldness, I glance down at his lower half through the water as he approaches me.

"That doesn't seem fair," I say, gesturing toward his swim-trunks.

He breathes out one, frustrated laugh and stops no farther than a foot in front of me.

"I meant what I said the other night, Ava. I want your head to be clear."

"I'm not sure how else to convince you that I know what I want," I take a half-step forward, close enough that I have to incline my head to look him in the eye. "I'm not playing games."

Javi looks contemplative, his eyes searching mine for possible trepidation. I know he won't find any. I can't remember the last time I felt this confident in front of a man, especially not while being this exposed. Part of me thinks he might try to blame it on the wine, but I hadn't finished even half of the glass he had poured me. I know what I want. I knew it on our first date. I knew it waking up with my head on his shoulder. I even knew it when he had thought to order me an extra burger during that first week on set, just in the hopes that I would eat lunch with him. And tonight, bathing in the warm water and the moonlight and breathing in the fresh air, I know it now more than ever.

Whatever he finds in my eyes is confirmation enough.

"Aren't you?" He asks, cocking a brow, "Playing games?"

Suddenly his hand tickles my side in the water. I squeal, pulling back, laughing as I run away from him. He catches up to me, rather easily given our height difference and the water slowing me down. I feel him tickle my side again, and I keep running until I'm at the edge of the infinity pool, against the glass. Nowhere to go.

His large hands appear on either side of me on the glass edge. I turn slowly to face him, breathless from running against the water. He is leaning down, using his arms as support. They are strong, protective, locking me in so that it is just me and his fierce, molten chocolate gaze.

"That's better," he says, his voice husky and laced with arrogance. It only makes me want him more.

I bring my arms up around his neck, knowing that by doing so, my breasts will be out of the water in full-view. I can tell by Javi's sharp intake of breath that it doesn't go unnoticed.

"Better?" I ask, still feigning innocence.

"Mhm," he leans in closer, his lips a mere inch from the corner of my mouth, "I can't risk anyone else seeing you like this."

Without moving his lips away, he takes his left hand and drags it languidly, gingerly, across my collarbone before it disappears in the water. I shiver as the same fingertips trail up my bare hip, stroking my side before trailing over my breast, brushing across my quickly hardening nipple.

And with that, with the possessiveness of his words and his proximity but the gentleness of his touch, I can't take it anymore. I pull his lips to mine, ravishing him. I'm immediately lost in open-mouthed kisses, gasping into him, pulling him closer to me. I use my arms around his neck to hoist my legs up, wrapping them around him. I pull him in as close as I can, desperate to feel any sort of friction where I need it most. I gasp again, eyes shooting open as I feel his arousal through his swim-trunks. I shamelessly grind against him once more, moaning lightly into his mouth. I pull back just enough to speak, my hands sliding into his hair.

"Take them off," I plead in a voice that would be best described as a whine.

He groans, leaning down again, this time to kiss my neck.

"Siren," he breathes, mainly to himself. He trails a line of kisses from the nape of my neck up to my earlobe.

Despite the warmth of the water, my skin sprouts goosebumps as I try to collect my breath. It's being made increasingly difficult to do so with Javi's lips still attached to my neck. And as one of his hands still rests on the glass edge of the pool, his other hand is now firmly wrapped around my waist, holding me close to him. I continue to tangle my hands through his soft waves, relishing in the soapy, sandalwood smell that brushes against my nose. His smell. I press my torso closer to him, dying to feel more of his broad chest against mine, skin to skin. I shiver, feeling the warmth of his muscular figure. Feeling that warmth travel all the way down between my thighs. I don't think I've ever been this desperate, this needy, for anyone's touch before.

"Javi," I pant. He pulls back from where he had been attached to my skin, his eyes suddenly concerned, his hand dropping from my waist immediately. I hurry to finish my thought. "More," I shake my head to emphasize my desire. The last thing I want is for his hands to leave my body. "I need more."

Slowly, my eyes never leaving his, I bring one of my hands down in between us, grazing the waistband of his shorts. Javi takes a sharp inhale, his head falling back slightly. I take that as permission to dive my hand lower, still on the outside of shorts. I have to reach lower than I thought given the height difference, and I'm just about to grab what I was searching for when Javi's hand suddenly grasps my wrist.

"Not tonight," my disappointment must have been rampant on my face because he chuckles, detaching my hands from around his neck, "Tonight," he places his hands on my thighs still wrapped around his waist, "Tonight we're celebrating you."

He gently untangles my legs from around his torso, and I fight the whine threatening to escape my lips. Even through the water, his calloused hands made my skin ignite. I'm reveling in the feeling of their wide span stretching across my bare legs. Until I frown, realizing that he is putting my feet down. He gives me a roguish grin, spinning me around so that I'm facing away from him, toward the view of the city below. I place my hands on the glass edge of the infinity pool, light droplets spilling over the sides.

I sigh when I feel his lips next to my ear.

"I can't have you missing out on this view."

I smile back at him, but his eyes are dark. The darkest shade of brown I've seen from him in the time that we've known each other.

"Eyes forward." He quietly commands. I oblige, my heart fluttering in my chest so loud I'm afraid he can hear it now.

Slowly, he pushes my wet hair out of the way to place a featherlight kiss in between my shoulder blades. I feel his leg step in between mine from behind. He nudges one of my feet with his.

"Wider," He commands again. I step out to one side, widening my stance, obeying.

"Here are the rules," He whispers, low and husky, still by my ear, "We stop when you say so. If you don't like something, tell me. And, if you do like something..." his fingers trail up my side, slowly moving toward my right breast, "Feel free to tell me that, too."

The arch of my back is the only response I give him.

Then finally, finally, he touches me. Really touches me. With a force that I have been needing for months. He starts with his right arm curling around me from behind, squeezing both of my breasts in turn. He stays fixated on one at a time, rolling one of my nipples in between his thumb and forefinger until I am gasping again. I'm so distracted by that heavenly sensation that I fail to realize that his left hand is also reaching around me now, moving slow, tantalizing circles around my stomach. The circles dip lower and lower with each rotation. I arch my back further, silently begging him to move that touch to where I need it the most. I've kept my grip on the edge of the pool, and now my knuckles have gone white trying to absorb as much of this moment as possible.

Javi tugs gently on on my earlobe with his teeth, distracting me once again from his hand that has now settled between my thighs underneath the water.

"This is how I want you to feel when you look at me. Tomorrow, when it's hot and you're maybe a little bit bored, making glances my way. Think of this," And through the water, he delivers a quick, sharp slap right to my sex. There is no hope restraining my moan this time. He waits a moment or two, perhaps still gauging my willingness. I push back further into him, feeling his own arousal on my backside, which only drives me further into this heated daze.

He takes the opportunity to cup me with his entire hand, his middle finger dipping into me slightly, running a slow and delicate line up my most sensitive spot. Javi groans into my ear, clearly appreciating how wet he's already made me. I know he can feel it, even through the water. I let my head fall back onto his shoulder, my eyes pinched shut. I need him to do that again. Without thinking, my left hand leaves the railing and covers the top of his under the water, between my legs.

Javi listens to my body, curling his middle finger again, pushing down hard when he reaches my clit. My breaths are coming in and out erratically, still keeping my eyes shut tight.

"K-keep doing that," I gasp out. The words are rushed, and I hadn't planned to say them. But it felt too good, those slow strokes ending where I really want him.

He does just that, dragging his nose along my neck before whispering in my ear.

"Open your eyes," He says in a voice that is not quite a suggestion.

I keep trying to steady my breathing, barely registering that he's speaking to me as his hand continues to build a delicious swirl of tension below my belly.

"Ava, I told you I didn't want you to miss the view. Open your eyes," I know I have to listen to him now. Simply out of fear that if I don't, he will cease his movements.

I open my eyes and...

And what a view it was.

Javi's face, inches from mine, possessive and passionate. Protective, his body still shielding me from anyone who could walk out onto the patio. The glow from the city below is illuminating his damp hair, making him look like an angel. An angel with devilish eyes, trying desperately to push me to the edge of desire. And suddenly I can't help myself from looking down to where his hand was working his magic. The view of him squeezing my breasts, holding me in place is enough to make my arch back further. And though my left hand is on top of his and I can feel his patterns, seeing his strong forearm, veins popping through the top, dipping into the water to please me nearly sends me over the edge.

He must be able to feel it, because he groans again before changing his movements. Javi dips his middle finger inside this time, cursing under his breath. I stop breathing entirely, feeling myself contract slightly as I adjust to the length of his finger. He pulls out, far too slowly. And pushes back in even slower.

I crane my neck to the left so I can look him in the eyes again.

"Javi," My voice sounds so needy, "I need more, I need to–" I can't even finish the words.

His voice is a low chuckle in my ear, "I know what you need."

I've never heard him sound so cocky. But I believe him. The way my body reacts to him–he knows exactly what it needs.

He cups my sex again, his middle finger still inside this time. His eyes ablaze.

"Keep looking at me. I want to see how pink those cheeks can get when you come."

My mouth falls open, and I want to make some clever remark, but suddenly he starts to move his entire hand in circles, his finger moving deeper inside, the heel of his hand hard on my clit. He's touching every part of me that needs him. He's pulling me in so close, keeping me held so tightly that I can't move away from the pleasure. And now that I'm looking back in his eyes, I can't imagine closing them again. Watching him watch me as I feel this pressure builds is the most erotic I've ever felt in my life. The desire in his eyes keeps any of my anxieties at bay as I move closer and closer to the peak of my arousal. My legs start to shake, and his smirk of a reaction is what finally pushes me over the edge. I contract again and again around his hand, breathing heavily and then not at all, holding it in and absorbing as much of this euphoria as possible. I don't think I've ever come this hard before. My eyes don't leave Javi's, and there still that uncharacteristic arrogant smile on his face. His pride is evident, and he is clearly taking his own pleasure in knowing that he made me feel this good. I'm still catching my breath, otherwise I'd want to give him shit for it.

He releases me with a kiss on my shoulder, and I turn around to reach for his shorts again. He must be in desperate need of a release by now. But he simply shakes his head.

"I told you, tonight we are celebrating you," And then, even after his dirty words and dark looks, he bends down to press a kiss on my forehead.

"Are you sure?" I say, still breathless.

"I might hate myself for it later, but yes," He chuckles, wrapping his arms loosely around my back. "I do have one request though."

"Anything," I blurt. I can tell that fills him with pride once again.

"Can you please put your clothes back on so I can stop worrying about anyone else taking a peek?" Javi gives my butt a quick squeeze, and I giggle, moving to retrieve my bathing suit to where I tossed it near the pool's edge.

As I pick it up, dragging it back into the pool with me, I glance behind me at Javi. He is gazing out at the view now, running his hands through his hair. His back muscles are strained, and my heart pulls a little. Normally at this time in the filming process, I'd be relieved. The majority is over with, and we're now on location for a change of scenery. But the thought of only having a few more weeks with Javi, secret or not, fills me with a dull panic.

I shake my head a little to try and clear it. This moment was perfect, and we agreed not to focus on the future right now. I slowly move back over to him, hoping my fear will drip off my skin with the water droplets, and sink down to the bottom.

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#pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fandom #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal x original characters #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #the mandalorian #tlou #narcos #javier peña #joel miller #javi gutierrez fanfiction #javi gutierrez x you #javi gutierrez smut #javi gutierrez x reader

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dyemelikeasunset · 6 months

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I used to feel really self-conscious about original projects, mainly bc art isn't my Big Thing In Life and I'm just a hobbyist. Nowadays I've been feeling better about my abilities to create stories, but sometimes I still feel discouraged since I need to focus on my non-art job to keep myself afloat. You've been such a huge inspiration for me to get out of the Self-doubt Hole. If I may ask: how do you personally find inspiration in the midst of a busy life? Additionally, how do you convince yourself to actually take the plunge and write that idea you've been so passionate about for so long?

Hi!! So this has been in my inbox for a while because I'm struggling to verbalize how exactly I found my emotional break. I don't think the journey looks the same to everyone, in fact I think it's more likely it will be vastly different. I have no idea if what changed for me will work for you, but I'll tell you anyway cause it's the only perspective I have

(under a readmore cause i'm verbose)

So I'll be honest, I don't think I properly convinced myself to take the plunge... I kind of just got sick of myself. Last year was honestly one of the lowest points of my life, I won't get into it, but a lot of bad things were happening and I was close to giving up many times. I felt cornered by depression and self doubt and constantly investing in other people's projects and investing in my jobs to give me a sense of creative satisfaction.

For a couple years, I had been poking at my personal project in the background and trying to work up the energy to make "It Was You & I & The Afterlife" my first comic series, but I didn't know what it would look like at all. I had a moment where I just took a break from writing this really serious story and playing with the characters. I found so much joy in what I thought was a "cheap escape" that something started shifting inside me. I'm the type of person that actually takes things a little too seriously most of the time, so letting loose and reveling in joy and comfort is a very big lesson I'm constantly relearning.

Letting "Dom & Mor" become its own entity was something I had never even considered, but I guess I let myself just like... play around? I call D&M "me just making my Barbies kiss" all the time, because that's how it feels. Like playtime? I had a very cold childhood so it's been very healing to be able to play. I'm actually throwing discipline to the wind because I've spent my entire life and career being disciplined and trying to do things "right." The skills I've built up to this point have definitely been helping me a lot, but I think the most important thing is that I've been experiencing the unadulterated joy of creation and it actually shook me out of my depression so hard that it's been startling. I mean, my depression isn't cured, not at all, but it was helped. Having fun is honestly a human need, and I think that's the core of how I started prioritizing myself again

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semiweirdshipper · 8 months

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So I kind of just wanted to explain my situation to ya'll if that's alright. Disclaimer: this post is mainly of me just yapping and it includes some personal topics. Sorry...

Some of you are aware that I was in the process of moving across the country. Well I'm grateful to announce that the move was a success! I'm so grateful!!! I've only been in my new home less than a week, and it's the longest I've gone without being verbally abused in over thirteen years. Here in a few months- if something bad doesn't happen that is- it'll be the longest I've gone without being physically abused. And I can't tell you how good it feels. Like I'm soooooooo happy right now. Today I went walking around town and I got to do it without fearing for my life. My apartment is safe, this city is safe and the people are amazing. I kind of just feel like I'm living a dream (I'm freakin crying while I write this, lol). I've spent so long doing nothing but survive and now I feel like I can finally live.

I used to have to worry about every little thing; arson, breaking & entering, tire slashing, getting attacked, death threats. Terrific family, huh? The state I'm from (Arkansas) is one of the poorest, most violent states in all of America- please be extremely careful if you ever go there. So many bad things happened over the course of those thirteen years, I... I just don't know what to say. It was awful. I honestly don't know how I'm still here.

Unlike Arkanzans, the state I moved to glady accepts my Irish ethnicity and are positive towards my accent. I've never felt this peaceful and calm before. And I know bad things can happen at any moment- I could very well lose my life tomorrow or something, but I just can't deny how happy I am. I spent the last five years of my life working to achieve this goal, and I have. I ran away from all my abusers to my favorite state of all time, and I'm happy.

Right now I'm kind of just soaking up this new environment I live in. I'm not answering asks or writing updates or drabbles yet because I need just a little bit more time, (don't worry @breadboyye I haven't forgotten about your drabble! I will get it complete!) Many of you have been so supportive and patient with me and I'm so grateful for that. Thank you.

Oh, and the best part about all this? Not having to deal with bad people all the time might help me to make faster updates 👀🤞 let's hope for the best, me loves 💚 (Yes, I am going to start using my Irish slang. Get used to it).

#I've gained confidence!#And I feel alive!!!#Kidding #I'm still an insecure brat #Yes I'll try my hardest to get stuff updated #I love you all

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incendio22 · 1 year

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FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL

Chapter 27: Aftermath

It's been a week since Ominis returned to Hogwarts. Nurse Blainey had done everything in her power to start the process of his recovery. Ominis appeared to be in the exact same state mentally as he was when our 6th year began. This had, of course, broken Imelda's heart. She hadn't been to quidditch practice in a week, spending her entire afternoons next to Ominis trying her very best to make him recall things.

She didn't tell him about their relationship, but focused mainly on restoring other memories. Things like quidditch, classes and other events. In that situation she focused on being his best friend, and not his girlfriend. Of course, she was even unsure whether or not she could call herself his girlfriend any longer since he had absolutely no idea that they had been in a relationship.

I walk into the Undercroft, where Sebastian has spent most of his time awake the last week. He has a book in his lap, but I doubt that he can read in this light. It's probably just comforting for him.

''Hi there,'' I say in a low voice.

He glances up from his book and gives me a sincere smile.

''Hi,'' his voice is soft but sad at the same time.

I sit down next to him and put my head on his shoulder.

''How are you holding up?'' I ask.

''I've been better,'' he says and presses his lips against my forehead. ''But I'm better now that you're here.''

I know how upset Sebastian is about the situation with Ominis. Due to Ominis' state, he is still upset with Sebastian about last year and seems to have no interest in discussions on how he's changed during the year. In fact, he's convinced that it was Sebastian who cast Obliviate on him to make him forget something. Talking to Ominis about Sebastian breaks my heart because I really don't know what we did to make him forgive him this autumn.

''I know that this is upsetting,'' I tell Sebastian. ''But I need you to promise me you won't let this stopping you from forgiving yourself.''

He's silent for a moment.

''It's just so hard,'' he then says. ''This makes it a thousand times harder for me because it feels as if I need to start over.''

''You don't need to start over from the beginning,'' I tell him. ''You just need to take a step back and start from there.''

He lifts my head off his shoulder and gives me a sincere look.

''Thank you,'' he says in a low voice.

My eyes fall to my sweater, where I'm wearing his heart pin on my sleeve. I touch it and feel at ease because it reminds me of our moment of happiness at the lake.

''Anytime, love,'' I say to him.

The last weeks haven't been the most romantic during our relationship since I have tried to be some form of emotional support to him. I have come to believe that love is not just about passion, the kisses and sneaking into the Forbidden Forest. I learned that it's just as much about being there for your person when the entire world feels like it has given up on you. I take his hand and kiss it softly. He puts his hand on my cheek and strokes it. My heart breaks when I think about how he barely asks me how I'm doing, as if this isn't eating me up as well.

When I enter my dormitory I see Imelda lying on the bed, staring into the ceiling. Whenever she is not in the Hospital Wing this is almost always where she is found, lying exactly like this. She doesn't say a word when I come in, nor does she look my way.

''Hi Imelda,'' I let her know that I'm here.

She doesn't reply. I walk over to her bed and sit on it. She glances my way, but as soon as our eyes meet she looks away as if she's ashamed.

''Are you alright?'' I ask her.

''What do you think?'' She asks in a voice that indicates that she's trying to be sarcastic.

''I can't imagine what you must be going through,'' I tell her in an effort to try and comfort her. ''You're a great friend.''

''Except that I'm not,'' she argues. ''I don't want to be his friend, I want to be the love of his life. And I'm an awful friend because I can't be friends with him.''

I don't know what to tell her, because there really is nothing I can say to ease her pain. In all of this I feel as if I'm trying to carry everyone else's pain in efforts to forget my own.

''He already fell in love with you once,'' I say softly. ''And I mean, have you seen yourself? He's gonna fall just as hard again. He just needs time.''

She gives me an angry look.

''Do you think I have forgotten?'' She spits at me as she sits up. ''I remember the first time I felt a little spark between him and me. I remember the first time our hands touched. I remember our first kiss. I remember everything and that kills me. My heart is breaking whenever I see him because there's no guarantee anything will come back. And I don't want to give myself any false hopes.''

I sit silently. Maybe I should just not have said anything at all. It feels as if all my efforts to make things right or comfort people just upsets them. I walk out into the Common Room, leaving Imelda alone and sit in front of the windows facing the lake. In this moment I feel like an open wound, bleeding and hurting. And when I think about how I try to be there for everyone else, I feel incredibly alone. Because right now, no one is here to comfort me.

Students make noises around me, but I don't leave my spot in front of the window. I hear someone making fun of me, but I couldn't care less. It may sound ridiculous, but it almost feels comforting to know that someone sees me. Even if it's to joke on my behalf. I'm not sure how long I sit there and I don't care. The common room echoes with emptiness and I find comfort in the solitude. I just wish that it was Sebastian I could find comfort in, instead of solitude. Of course I find comfort in him, but that's because he is my safe place. Not because he is trying to be my place of comfort, like I am trying to be to him.

I decide to take a walk around the castle and I end up where I always do when I wander. In the astronomy tower. Even though it's spring, the nights are still cold. I stare at the sky, admiring the stars and sink into admiration. I am interrupted by steps behind me that seem to stop when they see me.

''Y/n?'' The voice is familiar but I can't place who it is.

I turn around and see Garreth looking confused.

''What on earth are you doing here at this hour?'' he asks while giving me a confused look.

I turn back around and face the sky.

''I could ask you the same thing,'' I tell him. ''I just couldn't sleep, so I came here.''

He comes closer and stands next to me.

''Yeah, this really is the perfect place for sleepless nights,'' he says in a low voice. ''Why couldn't you sleep?''

He might be the first person in a week asking me how I am. I should be thrilled to feel that someone cares about me, but I feel nothing.

''I guess I'm just nervous about all the exams coming up,'' I lie.

He looks at me and raises his eyebrows.

''Yeah, if you say so,'' he obviously saw through my lie.

''What brings you here, then?'' I ask him. I'm not in the mood to talk, but I don't want to be rude.

''Same as you, I suppose,'' he says in a short tone. I assume he's lying too, but I'm fine with it. ''Anyway, I haven't seen Sebastian around lately. Is he okay?''

I really don't want to talk about Sebastian. All day I've been trying not to think about him and the first person who actually asks about me, decides to talk about him.

''He's been better,'' I tell him in a short tone.

''Oh. I get it,'' Garreth says in a kind tone. ''What's the deal with the two of you anyway?''

I look at him. Why would he bring up such a thing at this moment? And what do I tell him? That Sebastian is my boyfriend and our relationship was perfect, then our best friend saved the wizarding world and now he hates him and is distant towards me?

''What do you mean?'' I ask in hopes that he asks something more specific.

''I don't know,'' Garreth shrugs his shoulders and look out into the night sky. ''I just never thought he treated you properly.''

At this moment my small amount of gratitude towards Garreth fades away. I might be disappointed in Sebastian, but no one else gets to talk badly about my boyfriend to me. No matter how much I want to talk about him with someone, I will never do it with a person who doesn't seem to know a thing about us. I miss Ominis' cleverness.

''Oh, you know a lot about us?'' I say in a sarcastic tone.

''No, no, no,'' Garreth says quickly. ''I didn't mean to intrude or anything. I just never thought he showed you much appreciation, you know. I know you hang out a lot, I just never see him, making any efforts for you.''

And now I understand why Sebastian wanted us to keep our relationship private. So that no one would have anything to talk about, nothing to speculate about. I remember it so clearly, him explaining that the only thing that mattered was how we were to each other and how we make each other feel. Yet, I am even more infuriated when I realize that not only are people talking about it, but he also doesn't make me feel good right now.

''Yeah, because you just happen to know everything that happens when no one else is around?'' I spit out.

''Y/n, '' Garreth says calmly. ''Relax, it's nothing personal. I'm just really confused about how he can have someone like you and not be desperate to show it off.''

I give him an angry eye. His words are kind, but he doesn't know anything.

''I'm done,'' I tell him and walk away with fast steps.

I walk back to the common room filled with fury and disappointment, laying in bed and once again sleepless.

#sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x reader #hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow x you #slytherin #ominis gaunt #fanfiction #fanfic #for the hope of it all

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pinkydude · 1 year

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👋 Coming back

I talked about personal stuff a bit on my Twitter last year, but since I came back to Tumblr I feel like I should share it here too 🤏 especially since this is where it all happened and all

I'm not the type of guy to make long post (not anymore at least) but I've been thinking about it for the past days and I think that I won't be able to truly move on and enjoy my time back on Tumblr until I adress it here as well

There's A LOT of new faces around, assuming the majority of the active peeps don't know me 😳👋 (not complaining ghfhgf) so this will be a weird read, maybe? This isn't at all a "callout post", I won't name anyone or any situations in details, just -vague gesture- awknowledge things here and there, this is mainly about my experience (small TW for mention of su*cide)

I came back to Tumblr earlier this year after being away from public fandom spaces for ~a year (more or less) and I noticed that there was still "drama" (both light dramas and more serious harassment, using "drama" as a general term here) happening- and at first I didn't want to interact with any of it because it was hitting too close to home

I've been publicly harassed since mid 2021- and I know it's still happening, old dramas being digged up publicly sometimes- but the harassment back then wasn't anonym tho

Lowest point for me is when this fandom almost costed me my life, didn't know what to do, and ending up acting stupid in the middle of a panic attack- wouldn't be there if not for my close friends. That's when I realized that I needed to take a step back, to reconnect with what truly matter and to stop getting involved in things that were dragging my mental health down. Since then, I've been fully enjoying my and other's content again 😌

So when I came back and saw that the same people were still harassing (actively or passively) others? I wanted to say something, but I didn't really (left some comments, tags, sent some supportive DMs...)

Using this post to finally say- ayo, I've been there and the best advice I can say is, take a break 🤏 Take a break from the fandom when it becomes too overwhelming for X or Y reason. Small break, big break- whatever will work for you, but disconnect! Even if you think you're ok, it all pills up subconsciously (feeling burnout over Art, VP, Mods, starting to compare yourself to others, getting parano... those are all signs that you might want to back off a bit and spent time doing something else, ressource yourself!)

Also want to use this post to thanks all the people that were checking on me during that time away and to those who were still supporting my creations, it really gave me the strength to continue 🧡

Thanks also to everyone who came to "clear the air" since I came back! I know a big wave of new comers joined right as some drama was happening- and I get wanting to protect yourselves and blocking the persons mentionned in callouts! There is nothing wrong with protecting your space (don't let anyone tell you otherwise)

I met and connected with new people (something I thought would never happen again after everything) some of them I can now call good friends, and I'll forever be grateful for people who think for themselves and have their own opinions

Nothing happened, this post isn't a reply to anything/anyone or an attack or an attempt at "stirring shit up", I just needed to get it out, I guess? Needed to really close that door, and finally move on to enjoy Tumblr again. This is where I started and I still really like that place and how the fandom feels here 🤙 soyeh that's all HGFH thanks for reading

#uhhh personal rambling and shtuff #mention of fandom stuff just a heads up #personal #long post #first and last time I'll talk about it publicly ghfhghfhgf

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takerfoxx · 6 months

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Well, I just got some interesting news that I can't really discuss my real feelings with in real life, so I guess it's time for some really bitter trauma dumping.

So, um, I don't know how many of you remember, but there was a little incident a few years back where, after living with my cousin and his girlfriend for about three years, they asked me to move out so they could have more "privacy as a couple," which basically meant tht they were having issues again and thought that having me leave might help make things easier on them, despite them being the ones who had reached to me to ask me to move in with them. Due to a number of other factors, not the least being that this was the third time my roommates had done something similar and the second time of it being due to a couple doing what they felt was best for them and leaving me holding the bag, this caused me to have something of a mental health collapse, and I've been struggling with anxiety and, as I just figured out, depression ever since! And yeah, there were a lot of other things happening that contributed to that,

But here's the thing: the first couple to do that, who were my best friends, ended up divorcing a couple years later. And apparently, it got ugly.

And as I recently found out, my cousin and his girlfriend ended up breaking up just the other week, and from all accounts, it was volatile.

So you can imagine that I have a lot to process. Like, what the hell am I even supposed to feel? On the one hand, I feel awful for my cousin, since I know he cared a lot about her. On the other, I've been mad at him for two years now because of everything that's happened (basically, a few weeks before he asked me to leave, I had talked to him about them having treated me like more of a guest than a resident for a while now, and he reassured me that it wasn't the case, that he did want me to feel like that was my home, and that it wasn't, and I quote, me versus the couple, only for him to drop this on me a very short time after), so there's that. And it also means that I went through that whole hellish experience, had to throw away seven years of my life, and have it all be for nothing. But at the same time, it also weirdly feels like there's this weight taken off my shoulders? Like, something inside me that got turned off when everything went down has suddenly turned back on again? Which sounds awful, but it is something that I've noticed.

I don't know. It's a mess. But mainly what I've come away with from all of this is that my whole life seems to have been spent getting caught up in other people's relationships, from my parents to my siblings to my friends to other members of my family, getting stuck in their drama, sometimes literally getting sacrificed by the couple in hopes of salvaging things, only for it all to end badly anyway. And every time I've been expected to just take it.

You know, these last few months I've been reconsidering how I feel about being aromantic, as the downside is that I've spent so much time being the third wheel and always ended up as the one left behind, but in light of all this? Fuck it. I'm so glad I'm aromantic. This shit isn't worth it.

Anyway, sorry about the angry venting. I just needed to get it out of my system.

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denimini · 7 months

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This video reminds me of 2019 all over again when jk got caught with that tattoo artist. It was clearly him then and it's clearly him now. His dog is literally in the video for fuck sake. If jm and jk broke up which I suspect due to them living separately and jm literally living with pdogg when working on FACE it makes more sense. I've long suspected that jm wrote face off about jk bc the song is clearly about a break with someone and the time frame matches. Jm and jk seem to be on good terms now (friends) like for the good of the group but I feel bad for jm bc jk constantly has been sending jm mix singles this entire year including when he was supposedly with this girl. Jm has probably saw that damn video and now thinking wtf jk. For jm's sake I hope he's moved on to someone else.

The video does remind me as well of the one in 2019 in a lot of aspects, mainly the fact that both times it was a gross invasion of privacy. As I previously said, yeah, so far I believe it's him in it, but I really hope this situation doesn't play out like 2019, though, and that JK doesn't beat himself over it. Last time, he took an year off lives because of it, so let's hope things will go better now.

"Face-off" , just like all the other songs in "Face", is personal to Jimin and comes from his own experiences but we shouldn't speculate too much on it. More than it being about a singular person, I think it is about Jimin's feelings towards some people in his life in general. He said that it was about friends betraying him, so that for sure was part of the inspiration for it. Whether JK was part of those people, is speculative and unclear. I seriously doubt he is the sole reason for the writing of the song, though. This song is a pretty heavy-hearted one, which came from some deep pain. If JK, whom Jimin have known for years (and maybe had feelings for, at some point) had really hurt him to the point of inspiring this particular song, I really don't think they would be as okay with each other as they seem to be now. Jimin may be an angel, but he is still strong and has boundaries.

I agree on the part about living with Pdogg. To me as well this further proves JM was single at the time. I disagree though about JK sending mix singles. In reality, only they know what signals they've been sending to each other in public and what's their relationship in private, but at least on welive JK has only ever send these type of signals to Jimin:

"I enjoy seeing you. I keep up with what you're doing. I support your work. I want to meet up and spent time with you. I love your company. I am happy when we are communicating"

And no, writing this isn't me being a delulu. This is literally what his actions and words in his lives meant. How that ties to their personal affairs is a question they could only answer.

Lastly, I'd say this. My ultimate bias is Jimin. Eventhough I try to be realistic and know that he too has negative qualities, I think he is a precious person that comes around very rarely in our world. I truly love him and I wish for him to be happy with someone worthy of him, whether that is JK or not. I also trust in his mind and ability to choose for himself. Lets just wait and see. If JM continues to post about JK and they remain as close as they are post-NY , than there's no reason for any of us to be salty.

They don't own us anything.

#jikook #kookmin #jimin #jungkook #bts

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batnbreakfast · 23 days

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AO3 Writer's Ask Game

Thank you for tagging me @slightlyintimidating ! 🥰

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

102378

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Bernie Wolfe/Serena Campbell although I branched out into the RedgraveRussellCinematicMultiverse.

And there's this one Deadloch fic, I really would like to finish. *side-eyes her brain*

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Notting Hill

My Berena Notting Hill rewrite with Serena Campbell as the bookshop owner and Bernie Wolfe as the famous actress.

Before the Sun Sets on the River Thames

Yet another film rewrite (I just love them) - this time it's Before Sunset with Bernie & Serena reconnecting years after having spent an unforgeable night together.

fragments of a holiday season

My Berena advent fics collection

clouds in my coffee (but the sun's coming through)

My Berena coffee shop au for @fortytworedvines day

chi va piano

My Berena smut fic, which has forever changed how I look at pianos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Ah. It's complicated. During the last year I only had comments like "Please finish this!" and no, most of the times I don't respond to them. While I LOVE comments and use them to motivate myself to get back to writing, I find comments that don't even say why someone would like me to continue a store utterly unhelpful. Also there's my beloved ADHD brain, which makes me forget to answer sometimes. I will though, even if it's like stupidly late.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

*chuckles* Well, I wrote this fic with Bernie's thoughts while she's dying under the rubble after they killed her in an explosion off screen. Lucky for most of you preferring a happy ending to your angst, I did not publish it. Instead I rewrote it to become a chapter for my collaboration with the lovely @ktlsyrtis

everything is different, everything has changed

Five times Bernie Wolfe’s life explodes - and one time it doesn't.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I feel like all my fics have a happy ending. I love a bit of angst, but seriously life is bad enough without giving your favs a happy ending after putting them through the mangler.

My favourite might be

Before the Sun Sets on the River Thames

because Bernie stays.

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Huh. If so, it apparently was too irrelevant to remember.

9. Do you write smut?

Yes, I do. And I honestly love to connect them via smut with feelings.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I do love a good film au. I have dozens of ideas what films to cast them for and I've only written two so far, with another three sitting in my WIP folder.

My crossover ideas aren't that crazy actually, but maybe

the slow appraisal of silent things

might fall into the category, because why not mash up Lynley and my love for Berena, replace the old Helen with Catherine's Helen, and have her leave Lynley (as one should do), to fall in love with Jemma's Grace Finegann (who did not shoot anyone).

Others might say that it was absolutely crazy to write my first Berena fic, which is also a crossover, without ever having watched a single episode of Holby.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I wrote

everything is different, everything has changed

with @ktlsyrtis and I loved, loved, loved doing this.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Seems a bit like anyone reading this far could answer this, but

💖 Bernie Wolfe/Serena Campbell 💖

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

Nope. Not going there. All my WIPs have a chance to being finished. It took me almost three years to finish Notting Hill. I might get inspired on something that's been sitting in my drafts for longer. Who knows - certainly not me. I won't give up though!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'd say dialogue with feelings and with smut also showing without spelling things out in detail.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Commas and formatting. *chuckles* Apologies to all the lovely people who ever beta'd for me. I appreciate you so, sooo much.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I could have them speak German and Italian and would, if I found it necessary. I prefer to have a translation in the notes at least while reading fic.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Ah. Something wlw that I'm not looking back to.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Urghhhhhhh... I love all my children, I don't have a fav-

Before the Sun Sets on the River Thames

Because it marks the beginning of a new fandom journey that is still bringing me so much joy and made me make wonderful friends.

Okay, I'll stop now before getting even soppier.

I'm tagging @ktlsyrtis @lapalfruity @fortytworedvines @ariverandasong and everyone of you who wants to take part in this. Seriously, just run with it if you want to!

Questions to respond to:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fic?

9. Do you write smut?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

#ao3 asks game #writers ask game #thanks for tagging me friend 😊#slightlyintimidating

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catre33 · 2 months

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My favourite books in my personal library: (in completely random order)

The Little Prince by Antione de Saint Exupery. 111pg

'The little prince lived alone on a tiny planet no larger than a house. He owned three volcanoes, two active and one extinct. He also owned a flower, unlike any flower in all the galaxy, of great beauty and of inordinate pride. It was this pride that ruined the serenity of the little prince's world and started him on the interplanetary travels that brought him to earth, where he learned, finally, from a fox, the secret of what is really important in life.'

OH, my heart-. This absolute journey of a story is impossibly dear to me. I always pull it out when I need a reminder to grow old, but never grow up; and how stupid grown-ups can be. I've read this at least 7 times and watched the corresponding movie at least 5 times. It puts such a thrilling perspective on things I have had to fight with myself whether it should go in the fantasy or philosophy section. Sometimes we all need to remember how simple the world really is.

High Maintenance by Jennifer Belle 351pg

'Liv Kellerman has just left her cheating husband and--more tragically--their fabulous duplex with its Empire State Building views. Now Liv--alone for the first time in her life with few marketable skills, and crammed into a crumbling "fixer-upper" in Greenwich Village--is contemplating her next move...'

This book is HILARIOUS. I read it during my first and only trip to The Big Apple and finished it in the hotel room on the 2nd day (if I remember correctly). High Maintenance made the trip so much more thoughtful, and the people-watching much more interesting. People-watching in New York is already AMAZING, but I was able to better imagine the story behind the dude doing pull-ups on the street lamp (no joke). And it honestly made me think more than it made me laugh.S

tonewords, A Ghost Story by Pam Conrad 130pg

'The first time Zoe met Zoe Louise, Zoe was four years old. Zoe Louise was more than one hundred. From that day on--living in the same house, separated by a staircase and a century--Zoe and Zoe Louise have been an important and permanent part of each other's lives. Now Zoe is older. And although Zoe Louise never grows up, she is changing in dreadful, frightening ways. Time is running out for Zoe's best friend--and Zoe is the only one who can help her. To do so, she must travel back one hundred years in time and somehow alter the past. But in changing the past, must she also change the present? If she saves her friend's life, will she lose Zoe Louise forever?'

Stonewords is an annual fixture in my life. Though it doesn't in my book classify as a thriller it's still a ghost story and my favorite thing to read late on Halloween night. It's also one of the only books that use theoretical time travel that I will tolerate (mainly because it doesn't try to explain it away but rolls with the ideas). The character development is refreshing, as it is not in the ways you would originally expect.

The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown 489pg

'An ingenious code hidden in the works of Leonardo da Vinci. A desperate race through the cathedrals and castles of Europe. An astonishing truth concealed for centuries...unveiled at last.'

This book is an absolute constant stream of 'I should have seen that coming!!!' I mean, are you kidding me?! Twists and turns left and right, never quite knowing where you are for a couple of paragraphs, and riddles hidden in the page headers! And an absolute wonder as a mythology lover having grown up in a Mormon household. The recognition of pagan beliefs and traditions that have become such essential parts of Christian culture is incredible. The Da Vinci Code rivals Good Omens as my favourite book of all time.

Please Ignore Vera Dietz by A. S. King 323pg

'Is it okay to hate a dead kid? Even if I loved him once? Even if he was my best friend? Is it okay to hate him for being dead? Vera's spent her whole life secretly in love with her best friend, Charlie Kahn. And over the years she's kept a lot of his secrets. Even after he betrayed her. Even after he ruined everything. So when Charlie dies in dark circumstances, Vera knows a lot more than anyone--the kids at school, his family, even the police. But will she emerge to clear his name? Does she even want to?'

This was a surprisingly recent read; and though it took a little bit to get into it, I was entranced. It was really just an erratic puzzle coming together much slower than I would have liked it to, and it was terribly easy to relate to Vera's desire to please be ignored. I have to be honest; I grew as a person, reading this book. You get to know the dead kid more than you think you would. It is altogether nowhere near what I expected, and more than I thought I'd ever need.

Scarpetta by Patricia Cornwell 579pg

'Leaving behind her private forensic pathology practice in Charleston, South Carolina, Kay Scarpetta takes an assignment in New York City, where an injured patient in Bellevue Hospital's psychiatric prison ward has specifically asked for her. While Scarpetta examines him, she listens to one of the most bizarre stories she has ever heard. Oscar Bane says his injuries were sustained in the course of a murder...that he did not commit...' (the blurb is paraphrased as it is the longest blurb in history sorry)

Not only is this book written by one of my favourite milfs, but there is also a very homo romantic subplot that I could not get enough of!!! (pg354 AAAH!!!) Scarpetta and everyone around her had me hooked from the first words (which were 'Brain tissue'). There is nothing I could do while reading this but live the plot. The incredibly emotive writing dragged me along for a rough but worthwhile ride.

Frogkisser! by Garth Nix 372pg

'Poor Princess Anya. Forced to live with her evil stepmother's new husband, her evil stepstepfather. Plagued with an unfortunate ability to break curses with a magic-assisted kiss. And forced to go on the run when her stepstepfather decides to make the kingdom entirely his own. Aided by a loyal talking dog, a boy thief trapped in the body of a newt, and some extraordinarily mischievous wizards, Anya sets off on a Quest that, if she plays it right, will ultimately free her land--and teach her a thing or two about the use of power, the effectiveness of a well-placed pucker, and the finding of friends in places both high and low.'

I bought this book from an elementary school book fair when I was maybe 10 years old, and it must be one of my most 'loved' paperbacks with all it's been through. It has been in the hands of family and friends and calls me out in ways I will never admit. Frogkisser! is a beautiful story with the perfect doses of snarky and silly weaved throughout every character. I used to know the plot so well that I would open to a page at random and read it just to cheer myself up. Now it's a nostalgic symbol of my childhood; not just of the good parts, but a basis of the good parts.

Skellig by David Almond 182pg

'Michael was looking forward to moving into a new house. It was all going to be wonderful. But now his baby sister's ill, his parents are frantic, and Dr. Death has come to call. Michael feels helpless. Then one day he steps into the crumbling garage. What is this thing beneath the spiderwebs and dead flies? A human being, or a strange kind of beast never seen before? The only person Michael can confide in is his new friend Mina. Together they carry the creature out into the light, and Michael's world changes forever.'

This was also a very recent read and oh my goodness gracious aGnES NUTTER, WITCH! I didn't know what to do with myself after it. I... I can't even explain it. It's a once-in-a-lifetime experience, to read this book for the first time. I was helpless in dreaming of angels and owls and clay and death and life and everything in between. I could never possibly do Skellig justice, so I'll leave it at this. Read it, and you'll know what I mean.

Notes: Good Omens is not listed here as it lives in my schoolbag, not my personal library. Coincidentally, all books listed were paperbacks LMAO

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