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theshelbyclan · 3 years

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Bells and Smoke

Summary: The youngest Shelby has to be send away to a convent, but you have no intention of conforming to their rules, even if you’ll die in the process

(Gif by @harmon-jane-black) A/N: Requested by anon: Could I request a Shelby sister where she is sent off to a boarding school and is getting badly bullied by teachers and pupils for being what they think is Birmingham poor scum. Maybe she comes home or gets visited and is losing her Birmingham accent and is a little thin and tired. V Polly and tommy nun scene vibes. Only if you aren't busy ❣️ x This has gotten really long, but this request gave me SO many ideas! Warning for abuse and neglect though. And I hope you like it!

Words: 6020 *** You couldn’t remember how it had all happened. One minute everything seemed to be fine and the next, life as you knew it had ended. Maybe it was Tommy’s idea, to give you the opportunities the others never had. But he never cared much about his siblings’ education. Maybe it was Arthur’s idea, thinking you’d finally become too wild. But he was too busy fighting his own demons. Maybe it was Aunt Pol’s idea, making a woman of style and class out of you. But she’d never abandon you like this.

All you knew was that one morning you had been in bed. As usual, you’d woken up with the workers as the factory whistles sounded, but there was no need for you to get up at five. So you’d turned around and tried to sleep on. But then Finn had come in and he roughly shook you awake. “Aunt Pol says you have to get up,” he had said, his voice filled with urgency. But you hadn’t been awake fully yet, “What… Why? It’s so early!” “You have to pack.” “For what? Where are we going?” Your brother had refused to meet your eye, “Not me. Just you.” And before you knew it, Aunt Polly had taken you and your small bag into the car and you were speeding out of Birmingham. At least Finn had come along, though Polly had forbidden him to go, but he had been adamant. “Where are we going?” you had whispered to him in the back. He had hardly replied to any of your question, but gave evasive answers like, “Away. Pol says it won’t be forever.” You remembered the all-encompassing feeling of loneliness that had washed over you in that moment. Was it something you had done? Were you being punished? Was the family giving you up? You were only fifteen, you’d never been away from Small Heath without any of your siblings by your side, and the separation had been too abrupt, too cruel. Suddenly, Aunt Polly had swerved to the right and stopped abruptly in front of the train station. “Get you bag,” she’d ordered you. Anger had flared inside of you, “No! You tell me where I’m going first!” “Y/N Shelby, I am your aunt and you will do as I say. Remember who you’re talking to and don’t think for one second that you will win this fight. Grab your bag and get out of the car.” Petrified at your aunt’s tone of voice, you’d gotten out of the car. And like a zombie, you’d walked over to the train. On the side it said Oxford. “Where do I get off?” You’d asked no one in particular. “Oxford,” your brother had never left your side, “Just sit tight until the end.” “You know what’s going on.” “I can’t change it, Y/N,” his eyes had been pleading for your forgiveness in that one moment, “I tried, I swear to God I did, but I can’t change it…” Not really understanding, you had only been able to nod, “Will you explain it to me?” “I’ll write.” Suddenly, tears had begun to fall from your eyes. The great unknown hadn’t even scared you that much, but the sudden realisation that everything had been altered had. “Here,” Finn had nudged you, as you’d hoisted your bag on board, “I nicked this for you,” and he’d handed you a hipflask, “might get you as far as Oxford. After that, you’re on your own.” His words had hit you hard, so there’d been nothing left to do but take a swig from the whiskey he offered. “What did I do wrong?” you’d asked him, uncertain. “Nothing. Don’t let the bastards tell you otherwise. You did nothing.” His voice had been so strong then. “Finn?” “Yeah?” “You can’t fucking write.” He’d burst out laughing and you couldn’t help yourself but join him. Then the train had started to depart and you’d taken one last look at the car with Aunt Pol’s silhouette inside. You’d turned to Finn and it’d been like you would never see him again. “Finn?” “Yeah?” “I bloody love you, you know?” He’d smirked, “I fucking love you too.” Eyes still locked, the train had started to move and just before it was too late, he’d added, “I’ll make sure you’re coming back home.” You’d clung to those words *** At five in the morning, the whistles sounded. Waking up this early was now your habit, as it was the habit of all the girls here. Like robots, you all climbed out of your sober beds, to put on your drab grey dresses and to stand neatly next to year beds. The dormitory looked like a prison cell and the girls’ faces were ashen. Shivering in the cold, you waited for inspection. “Adams!” “Yes, sister.” “Lee!” “Yes, sister.” “Williams!” “Yes, sister.” The first voice rang through the room like the bells of hell and the girls answered in meek tones. This was your morning ritual and there was no comfort to be found in it. Silently, you waited, while a part of you still dreamed of the horses you once loved and rode. Remember the freedom you felt, you told yourself. Remember the wind in your hair? The people who cared? The place called home? Remember Finn running alongside you? “Shelby!” You suddenly looked up, “Yes, sister,” and faced the nun who’d stopped by your bed. “What’s this?” she asked her rhetorical question. “My bed,” you weren’t supposed to answer, but it had escaped you before you could stop yourself. The middle-aged woman crouched down and tore up the neat bedding you’d just finished tucking in perfectly. Locking eyes with you, she gloated, “Look, it isn’t made properly.” “It was,” you replied through gritted teeth, “you just went and fucked it up again.” Without a warning, she struck you across the face hard. Then she flipped over the bed in one smooth motion and said, without any emotion, “Do it again.” Seething with rage, you counted to ten in your head. In your mind, you went back to Small Heath. You could feel the warmth of the fire in your kitchen, hear the men counting the money and could smell Aunt Polly’s cooking. This and only this was how you managed not to explode. “Ankins!” she continued her list. “Yes, sister.” “Elliot!” She was new here and you looked at her without turning your head, a skill you’d mastered in recent weeks. Some of the girls said she’d gotten pregnant, but she’d lost the baby before coming here. No one really knew what had happened to her. You only thought she looked too young, too fragile, like a little bird that could be squashed with a single movement of the hand. “Yes…” she mumbled, practically inaudibly. “Speak up, girl!” She hardly increased her volume, but repeated, “Yes, sister.” Just as you’d promised yourself you’d try to look out for her, evil incarnate turned around to face you again and snapped, “Shelby. You’ll report to my office after you’ve finished making your bed, properlythis time.” Great, you thought. After she’d left, you looked at your hands in resignation. Faint white lines betrayed the cane that had been on them. They’d only just healed. *** A few months earlier, Tommy was meeting a man dressed in black in an alleyway. As the rain was pouring down on Small Heath, they spoke in urgent whispers. “What did she do this time?” the concerned brother said with a slight hint of annoyance in his voice. “Theft, mainly,” the other replied, “And she was seen at the races, leaving the scene of the murder.” Tommy knew his sister hadn’t been responsible for the death that day, but none of it mattered now, “How much do they know?” “Enough.” Tommy took another drag of his cigarette and paused for a second, “Well, what do they want?” “Nothing. Leverage.” “Fuck…” “Thomas,” the informant urged, “Get her out. Out of Small Heath, and do it fast.” “Where the fuck is she supposed to go?” He shrugged, “Don’t you have family some place else?” “Can’t protect our Y/N when she’s away from here,” Tommy said coldly, not betraying the emotions he felt. “Then send her somewhere she will be protected.” Tommy sighed deeply, “I’ll ask Pol, eh? She’ll know what to do.” The man looked at Thomas Shelby: gangster, businessman, brother. His face was impossible to read and his feelings remained hidden. So he said, “Do it tonight, Thomas, if you can. He said she’d hang for it. Get her out.” ***

The first time you had tried to escape you didn’t think about it. You hadn’t even planned it and had just decided to run. With two nuns hot on your heels, you’d raced through the corridors. Pretty soon, you ran into your first locked door. You knew all was lost there and then. “Shelby…” the mother superior had mused as you stood in her office, “I knew it would be you.” “And how the fuck would you know that?” you’d replied quick as a flash. “You watch your tone, filthy rat,” she’d shouted, but added calmly, “We know of your kind, child.” Through gritted teeth, you’d questioned, “And what kind would that be?” “Gypsy scum,” she’d spat, before beating you senseless for the first time. The second time you tried to escape, you’d thought it through more. In the middle of the night, you’d crept out of bed and tiptoed across the dormitory. “Get back in bed!” one of the girls had whispered, “Remember last time?” “Yeah, I fucking remember, that’s why I need to leave!” you’d whispered back, voice filled with urgency.

Two hairpins. The day you’d found those were the day you’d planned your second escape attempt. Because if growing up in Small Heath had taught you one thing, it was how to steal and lie and cheat. And, coincidentally, how to pry open any lock. The first locked door was conquered quickly, but the second one had proven to be more troublesome. The large black doors that were said to protect you from the outside world did their job of keeping you all caged inside. The hairpins were too small to reach all the tumblers. Cursing under your breath, you’d soon realised that you disappearance had been noticed. In a panic, you’d grabbed a chandelier from the chapel and broken a window. Ignoring the shards you’d climbed through, while they tore at your skin and blood stained your nightgown. Once outside, the fresh air had an intoxicating effect on you. But you’d never gotten far. Again, you were brought to the mother superior, who stood waiting eagerly this time, cane in hand. “Go on,” you’d urged, full of defiance, “Beat me and get it over with.” “No…” she’d said suddenly, “you will tell me what your plan was first.” “To fucking get out.” “Why would you want to leave this place?” she’d questioned innocently, “Why would you want to leave the house of the Lord, where we only want to offer you safety and education? Where you can atone for your sins and regain your place in heaven?” “I’m not an animal,” you’d replied, “I need to be free.” And with that, the nun had smirked at you, “Free. You want to be free. Well, maybe this will finally break your spirit.” They’d locked you up in the cellars for three weeks. Darkness had enveloped you, only broken when she came in to beat you or feed you. You could never be sure. After every beating, she’d say, “Now, I’ll pray to God for you and ask him for his forgiveness.” “I’ll do it myself,” came your steady answer each time, “I’ll deal with him on my own.” And in the dark you’d cling onto the black Madonna around your neck, the only mother you still had left in this Godforsaken place. Now, some girls would be broken by now, but not you. If anything, you’d been more determined than ever to get out. But you had to be smart about it. Maybe Aunt Pol wouldn’t take you back and maybe you’d shame Tommy, but Finn would look out for you. Running hadn’t worked so far, so a new plan had started to form in your mind: a new plan that involved the boy that delivered the bread. Because as the days droned on after you were being released, you started paying attention to the delivery boy for the first time. You knew he’d always had a thing for you, but you weren’t interested. As a way out, you were now extremely interested. “Hi,” you greeted when it was your turn to help him unload. He was so startled by your talking all of a sudden, all he could manage was, “Bread…” “Yeah,” you smiled your prettiest smile, “Bread. That’s what you’re here for, right?” “I am.” “Good,” and you continued to unload the crates, sending him a few glances over your shoulder. He was still rooted to the spot, so you decided a bit more effort was required in this case, “You only come here for the bread?” you asked with humour in your voice. “Well, that’s my job…” he almost stuttered, but when you made eye contact, he finally relaxed a little, “What else would I come here for?” “Me?” you asked innocently. You could tell his confidence was growing, “Well, maybe a little. I mean, you are the prettiest girl in the school.” That was easy, you thought. So you flirted on and chatted him up and soon he was all yours, “Your name’s Billy, right?” “Yeah.” “Well, Billy. I need a favour…” This plan was a lot more complicated but it had a higher chance of success. And it would’ve worked too, if it hadn’t been for the younger nun who’d spotted you talking to Billy. Before the third attempt had even taken place, you found yourself back at the office. This time, the mother superior didn’t even speak. As soon as you were marched in, she’d grabbed you by your hair and attacked you with a pair of scissors. “Get off me, you crazy bitch!” you screeched, as strands of your hair fell down left and right of you. But the old nun remained completely calm in her tone, while becoming increasingly vicious in her attack, “Do you know what we do here?” You clenched your jaw for the pain, because this was no longer just about cutting your hair, but also hurting you as much as possible in the process. You had about a thousand replies to her question, but quickly weighed your options and decided not to piss off an angry old nun with a deadly weapon in her hands. So she continued, “We offer you the gift of education. Through hard labour, lots of prayer and penance the girls can find their way back to Jesus Christ. By humbling yourself, denying yourself rest, food and drink even, and working beyond human endurance one may come closer to our Lord. Save yourself from eternal damnation.” “No, thanks,” you replied inaudibly. When your hair had been cut, she crowed, “Your arrogance has been defeated and your vanity has been lifted. You will do well here now.” The fuck you would.

*** “Aunt Pol?” “What?” the woman snapped. He faltered, “Is this a bad time?” “It’s never a good time. Speak up, Finn.” “Fine,” and he took in a deep breath, mentally preparing himself, “When’s Y/N coming home?” Aunt Polly turned around abruptly and said, “For fuck’s sake, Finn.” “It’s been months!” “And we haven’t heard from her,” with a large gesture, Aunt Polly threw some more wood onto the fire, “If something was wrong, she would’ve written.” “Well, no…” her nephew started protesting. “Yes,” his aunt interrupted him, “She’s fine. It’s Y/N. She can take care of herself.” “She can’t now, can she!” Finn suddenly erupted, “Yousend her away and for fucking what?! She didn’t do anythingwrong!” Polly held up a menacing hand, “You mind your fucking tone or I’ll slap you back to where you came from.” “I’m sixteen, Aunt Pol, same age as Y/N. Remember, we’re twins?” He’d only gotten more heated, “Something’s wrong. I can feel it, alright? And she wouldn’t write to you anyways, because you’re the one that send her away! Why would she write to someone who doesn’t even fuckingwant her?” Polly paused for a moment and seemed to calm down, “What do you mean you feel it?” “I just know, Aunt Pol, like when we were little and she fell in the Cut and I couldn’t breathe? It’s like that, only… longer.” She put down her black cigarette, “You’ve been dreaming, haven’t you?” “I dream about her, but I can never see her,” he nodded, “And sometimes…”

“What?” “It’s stupid…” “Finn, you tell me, right now!” everything about her was focused on the urgency of the situation now. But he didn’t understand, “Seagulls, alright? I keep dreaming about seagulls.” “Fuck,” his aunt whispered to herself, “I need to talk to Tommy.”

“Aunt Pol, you’re missing the fucking point!” he was seething again, “I was trying to talk to you about Y/N! I just want to know why you send her away and whenshe’s coming back!” “I didn’t send her away. Tommy said we didn’t have a choice,” she grabbed her coat and continued talking to herself, “I thought she’d be safe there…” “Isn’t she?” Finn asked, panicking as a result of his aunt’s strange behaviour. “Seagulls, Finn, fucking seagulls!” *** You couldn’t understand why they hated you so much. At first it had just been the nuns, and you had a vague notion of them calling you ‘gypsy scum’ had something to do with it. From the start, they’d commented on your accent, reminded you of where you came from and told you that you were nothing compared to the others girls here. And in a way this made sense: on the one hand this school had the outward appearance of being an institution of learning for young ladies, but the reality was very different. Parents who no longer wanted to deal with them or who had ‘shamed’ their families often dumped girls here. Others were orphans. Either way, the nuns collected the large amount of money paid for each girl and treated all of you badly. And you weren’t a complete idiot and you knew you were partially to blame for the situation as it was now. You knew you hadn’t made a great entrance when you walked into the school, but even from the start they had disliked you. But your resistance had made it worse, much worse. All the girls were treated harshly, had to work and were kept in line, but you were being treated like a slave held captive. There was zero intention on your part to come into the school to make friends. From the moment you’d stepped off that train, you’d decided you were done with people. All you wanted was your brother, and the rest of the family if they still wanted you. But after a few weeks, you had started craving some connections and you had tried to make friends with the other girls. But it soon became clear that you had very little in common with them. This however, wasn’t the main problem: they feared you. Your defiance made them anxious to be around you and receive similar punishments to yours. They kept away. “Elliot!” you whispered to the new girl, who was crying in the dark. You rolled onto your other side in bed to face her and tried to ask her gently, “What’s your name, your first name I mean?” After a few residual sobs, she said softly, “Anna.” “I had a cousin called Anna,” you smiled at her, “Why are you crying? Who do you miss?” “It’s not who I miss, it’s about who doesn’t miss me…” “How do you know…” you started, but you were interrupted. “Don’t talk to her!” another girl called out and Anna turned around to look at her. The girl continued, “Yeah, I’m talking to you. Don’t talk to Y/N. She’ll get you in trouble. Just… stay away from her.” Anna looked at you for a few seconds, eyes filled with fear and then she turned onto her other side. You couldn’t even blame her really. She was new. But slowly, it only got worse. All the girls crossed the halls when you passed and not only did they begin to shun you, but they started taking your things, stealing your food at times and made you an outcast in every sense of the word. And you suddenly understood: if they made you stand out even more, all the attention would be drawn to you. The nuns would leave them alone. You were the easy scapegoat, because you’d been the most likely choice from the start. And as the months wore on, you started to wither away. Jealous or full of hatred, you couldn’t tell, but the other girls tried to hurt you as much as the nuns did. You were cold at night because they’d taken your blankets. You didn’t eat because you were being punished. You didn’t sleep because you were locked up downstairs and the beatings kept you awake. And so you fell ill, heavily. After you recovered, you stopped eating, sleeping, fighting. Not because you no longer could, but because the loneliness had finally caught up with you: you no longer wanted to. *** Tommy watched his aunt as she strode over towards him. He’d known the woman for years and usually he would be annoyed by her interrupting his meeting, but by the way she walked, he knew she wouldn’t wait for anyone right now. “Get out,” she told the man Tommy had been talking too. He left at once. “It’s Y/N,” she said as soon as he’d gone, “We need to get her out.” “She’s at the school, the one you recommended, Pol. You told me she’d get a good education there.” “We were wrong, Thomas, wrong to send her away.” “What’s all this, eh?” he frowned, “We had no choice and she alright where she is. We took care of it.” With a wave of her hand, Polly referred to Finn, “He feels she’s in danger.” And Tommy turned to his youngest brother, raising his eyebrows sarcastically, “Is that right?” “I have a bad feeling, Tom…” Finn said uncertainly. “He’s been dreaming of seagulls,” Polly emphasized, locking eyes with her nephew. “Fucking seagulls…” he rubbed his head, “More gypsy witchcraft?” Swiftly, she slapped Tommy across the face, “You’ve forgotten where you’re from.” Quickly, Tommy’s face went through a range of emotions. First there was anger and the urge to strike back. Then there was the reaction of wanting to hide, like he was being chastised just like when he was little. The hurt over her comment came next, swiftly followed by a sense of shame, because she was right. His face settled on worry over his youngest sister. “What do we do?” “What will happen if we get her back to Small Heath?”

Tommy lit a cigarette and thought out loud, “Connor wants her dead. He has high influence in the police and he’s using her as leverage, after having seen her at the races.” “Y/N didn’t kill that soldier!” Finn called out, full of indignation. “Yes, we know…” Tommy said in a low voice, “But that doesn’t fucking matter because no one’s going to believe our word for it against his.” “Who else knows?” Polly continued. “My guess is no one does yet…” “JOHN!” Polly howled suddenly and for a second Tommy could only blink. Then he continued, “If anyone else knew, we’d heard by now. I’m guessing he intends to save the information for when he can use it.” Aunt Polly bend down and started unlacing one of her boots. That’s when John walked in and he immediately paused when he felt the tension hang in the air. “Take this,” she ordered him and handed him the small revolver that she kept hidden in her boots, “Shoot Connor.” “Fucking what?” he nearly spit out his toothpick. John looked at Tommy for an explanation, but it didn’t come. Instead Tommy asked Polly, “Then what?” “We go to Oxford.” Tommy nodded slowly, “John, go on. Shoot the man. Get Arthur out of bed when you’ve done it.” Shrugging like it was just another small task he had to fulfil without much enthusiasm, John walked off with the gun in hand. But Finn said carefully, “What if I was wrong?” “Have you ever been wrong about your sister?” Aunt Polly asked, “Apart from that time you thought she was in love with that Jewish boy…” “No.” “Trust your gut, Finn,” Tommy confirmed, “Pol’s right.” Aunt Polly smiled at him with an almost motherly warmth, “Let’s bring Y/N home.” *** Eventually you were moved to the hospital wing of the school. The neglect and lack of food had caused your body to shut down and you could no longer force yourself to get up each morning. At first, you were branded lazy and got punished for it. Finally, even the nuns acknowledged this was serious and the last thing they needed was another girl dying at their school. You’d lost all feeling for days, drifting in and out of sleep. One nun took care of you and she was different from the others. During your hazy periods, she tried to persuade you to eat, but with the last strength you did have, you refused. If you were to die, it’d be your own choice. “Y/N…” someone whispered to you gently. You tried to open your eyes, but it felt like lifting bricks with muscles you did not have. “Y/N,” the voice said again, and you realised this wasn’t the nun. Slowly you opened your eyes and saw Anna, sitting by the side of your bed. “What do you want?” you croaked. She looked down and said, “I came to see you.” “Why?” “Because I’ve made a mistake.”

You didn’t care for her feelings. You knew she despised you just like the others did and you didn’t need another girl gloating by your bed. So you decided to just wait and not answer her. “The girls told me you were scum,” she continued, “that you didn’t belong here. They said that’s why you always got into trouble, because you’re just Birmingham working-class trash.” Great, you thought, and how is this supposed to help? “When they told me to not talk to you, I listened. I thought it would help, that I would fit in more and the nuns wouldn’t beat me like I saw them do with others. But I was wrong.” “The nuns don’t need a reason,” you replied before you could stop yourself, “Reasons help, but they will find a way to vent their cruelty, no matter what.” “That night,” Anna said, “you talked to me and asked me who I missed. You were the only one that asked me why I was crying.” “I didn’t want you to feel too alone…” Anna nodded, “I know. That’s why I’m here.” But you didn’t understand, “Why are you here?” “Y/N. You’re not alone. Tell me, who do you miss?” Much to your own annoyance, tears welled up in your eyes. For last couple of months you had tried so hard not to think of Finn, Arthur, John and Ada. And you tried to ban Polly and Tommy especially from your mind, always wondering why they didn’t want you. Your heart can be cruel like that: those who don’t want you, you miss the most. Anna took your hand in hers and for the first time you felt another human being without pain. And so you started telling her of your brothers, of your aunt, of the horses and factories and of the streets of Small Heath. Anna didn’t say a word, but she listened intensely. After you’d cried all your tears and there were no more stories left to tell, all she said was, “Please. Eat.” When she offered you soup, you ate. *** It was a sight to behold: Polly Gray walking through the city of academia with four brothers practically having to run after her to keep up. When she arrived at the front doors of the convent, she didn’t ask to come in, but simply walked on into the halls. “Aunt Pol,” John ventured, “What do we do?”

“Keep up,” she said simply. Arthur looked around nervously. He didn’t like nuns and convents. But Tommy and Finn scanned every room and corner for you. Left and right, girls looked up in surprise as the strange family invaded their home. “Who’s that?” they whispered. But the nuns urged them away and said, “No one. Don’t look at them. They don’t belong here.” Tommy frown deepened as he noticed the faces of the girls. These weren’t what he expected. Of course, he wasn’t familiar with schools like this one, but he knew education played a part. These girls all looked tired, downtrodden and most of them were cleaning or scrubbing the floors. He shared a look with Aunt Polly and she nodded in understanding. “How are we going to find her?” Finn asked. “Oi!” Arthur called out to one of the girls, who jumped up at his voice, “Y/N, you know her?” “No, sir…” she shook. “Listen to my voice,” John added, “What about a girl who sounds like me?” And then one other girl stepped forward and she tilted her chin up high as a sign of arrogance, “She’s not here.” “And whyis she not here?” Polly asked pointedly. The girl got nervous, but tried to keep composure, “Because she’s filth and this is a decent school.” Again, Tommy looked around at the skinny girls, all dressed in the same drab depressing dressed, “Decent, eh?” His low menacing voice knocked all the attitude out of her, so she changed her mind, “She was taken to the hospital ward a few weeks ago.” “Where,” Arthur demanded. “North wing,” she gulped.

Aunt Polly marched through the halls like a woman on a mission. Her face bore a gritty look of determination and none of the bells, smoke and threats of a holy place could make her quiver. In fact, God shook as she walked passed.

Still, one nun tried to stop her, but before she could open her mouth in protest, Aunt Polly had pushed her aside and casually commented, “Better get out of the way, sister, you certainly won’t be the first woman of God I’ve knocked down.” When they entered the hospital wing, they walked into another depressing space filled with beds in lines. Most of them were empty, but one nun stood up and walked over to Polly. Her first instinct was to actually knock down this one, but when she saw her soft face, she paused. “Y/N Shelby,” she demanded, “We’ve come to take her home.”

“You’re her aunt?” the nun asked, “She’s asked for you.” “Is she alright?” Finn stepped forward, “What was wrong with her?” “We thought she might not make it. She stopped eating, you see,” the nun explained. John frowned and protested, “That’s not Y/N. She would never refuse food, unless…” Tommy didn’t need to hear the ‘unless’; worry was already eating him alive inside. So he walked around in search for his sister. He found her in a bed, with another girl sitting next to her. His sister was asleep. “Who are you?” Polly demanded harshly. But the brothers couldn’t speak when they saw their sisters. You were too skinny, eyes sunken deep and bruises were still visible on your face. The long black hair was gone. In many ways, it wasn’t their sister anymore, just a shell. The nun answered when the other girl was too afraid to, “This is Y/N’s friend. She came to visit her every day, even though she wasn’t allowed to.” Polly lifted one eyebrow, “Then why did you allow it?” “Anna got Y/N to eat again. She’s the reason she’s alive.”

Anna. Polly walked over to her and carefully took her hand, “You watched over my niece.” “I didn’t want her to feel alone. She felt abandoned, she said…” Anna said in a soft voice. Polly shook her head in an effort to banish the emotions, “Thank you, Anna. You’re a good friend and a guardian angel.” “What did they do to her?” John asked her through gritted teeth. “She was isolated, singled out for being… different.” Anna explained without meeting their eyes, “She tried to fight them from the start, but never won. She kept trying to run away. They beat her, kept her locked up in the cellar, but when the other girls turned on her and she thought she would never leave this place, she just… gave up.” Slowly, Finn had walked over to the other side of the bed. Clumsy but lovingly, he started stroking the hair out of your face. Seagulls, he thought. “Who’s in charge here?” Tommy suddenly spoke. “The mother superior has an office down the hall,” the nun said, “Anna can take you there.” “No,” Anna gasped, “I can’t…” Fear was written all over her face.

“What’s wrong with the office?” Tommy asked her with unusual kindness. “It’s where she…” And in an instant they all understood. So Tommy demanded, “Tell that woman to come here.” “She won’t like it, sir…” “You fuckingtell her to come here,” Tommy spat filled with venom, “Or I will burn this entire place down to the ground, and don’t think for a second I won’t fucking do it.” So the nun with the gentle face nodded and walked off. Somehow, Tommy’s explosion had triggered some old memories in you. Before you were properly awake, you dreamed of being back in your bed in Small Heath. The smell of the factories penetrated your nose and you could hear your family arguing. But when you opened your eyes, they were actually there. You looked at them one by one and stopped at Finn, “You said you’d explain.” “And I will,” he said, “when we get home.” “Am I allowed to go home?” you questioned in disbelieve. Aunt Polly shook her head, “You should’ve never been anywhere else.” “Can’t protect you if you’re not at home…” Tommy added with a slight hint of guilt in his voice. “It’s safe now,” John said, “I’ve dealt with it.” And just the way he said it made you smile a little. “Arthur, John,” Tommy started ordering them in his usual business-like manner, “Take Y/N out of here.” And Arthur lifted you out of the bed into his arms like it was nothing. “Finn, you go with them. Make sure you get her things.” At that, John pulled a gun and Finn nodded solemnly. “What about Anna?” you asked, looking at your friend, “I won’t leave her here.” “Pol and I are going to have a word with the mother superior,” Tommy stated matter-of-factly. You sighed in relief, but Anna still had a look of confusion on her face, “What will that do? She won’t listen to anyone.” “She’ll listen to us, love,” Polly said to her with a reassuring smile that left very little room for arguments, “We’ll make sure of it.” You smiled at Anna too, “This convent will be closed by tomorrow. Trust me.” “We’ll see you at home, Y/N,” Tommy said, “And then we’ll talk.” Just before Arthur walked out of the door with you in your arms, Aunt Polly ran over to you and pressed a kiss on your forehead, “Safe journey, sweetheart.” Then there was just Tommy and Polly left, clearing their faces of all sentiment and hardening their features. Arms crossed, they waited and knew what had to be done, and nothing would stop them from doing it.

“Mr. Shelby, Mrs. Gray?” the hospital nun had reappeared, “The mother superior will see you now.”

***

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one-rosy-sock · 3 years

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Coming Undone | Abner Krill x fem!Reader (1/2)

Go to the {Ao3 Link} for more info...

Fandom: The Suicide Squad (2021) Rating: T (M for future chapter) Summery: You’re a psychiatrist. You should know the warning signs when a relationship with a patient is becoming problematic. But you refuse to consider this, because Abner Krill is a lot of things, and violent is not one of them. Warnings: PTSD, childhood abuse, trauma, brief mention of past suicide attempt.

Notes: no use of y/n Disclaimer: Author is NOT a real therapist. I do not own DC comics. __ The first time you met Abner Krill, he was recommended to you by a colleague at Belle Reve.

It had been several weeks since the convicted metahumans defeated Starro, that giant one-eyed starfish. Sometimes it amazes you to no end what strange things exist in this world. The Corto Maltese coup and monster defeat held onto headlines for several weeks until the next big thing came to top it. Seeing such exciting news affect your patients wasn’t unusual, but to have a high profile patient be a part of such news was a first, you’ll admit.

As for you, well, things were pretty much the same. You see your patients during the week at your office. You’re a licensed psychiatrist, and oftentimes you see men and women who have been convicted of a felony or are ex-prisoners themselves. It wasn’t a dream job for many women, much less anyone, to counsel people so troubled. You aren’t like everyone else, though. No, you might not have x-ray vision or super strength, or any super fancy gear to punch bad guys, but you do have a gift not many have: A good ear and an open heart.

And a prescription notepad, but you are determined to make your sessions more than just a pill dispensary.

You are aware of who Abner Krill is. The Polka-Dot Man. One of the metahumans who went to Corto Maltese and defeated Starro. This has partially immortalized him in the media as a superhero, despite his past as a prisoner. Some of your patients were metahumans too, but none as powerful or as widely known as the Polka-Dot Man. His identity and those of his teammates had been concealed from the general public. As of last week, you know his real name.

His appointment’s in the morning on a Tuesday. Your secretary came by as you were straightening up your office to let you know he had arrived. You fluff the couch pillows, throw blanket over the back, tissue box on the side table, a mild scent infuser on your desk. The century-old computer at your desk whirls to cool itself off. Earlier you'd taken the time to shoot an email to Ms. Waller confirming Mr. Krill's appointment.

You follow your secretary up front. She goes to her desk and you step into the waiting room.

Though foolish, you half expected to see Abner in his super suit. The polka dot suit and headgear. Instead, he’s wearing a pair of khaki trousers that hugged high over his hips, and a somewhat flashy, silk button-up tucked neatly into the waist. And, dare you say, a fanny pack. His outfit looked straight out of the 70s or 80s. You don’t know the definitive difference between the decades. But his shirt looks clean and pressed, the collar tucked down nicely. He has one leg over a knee, bouncing it rhythmically as he watches the fish swim around the tank in the wall. It looks like he tried to read a magazine, but stopped halfway, finger wedged between the pages.

“Mr. Krill?”

He jerked in response to his name, swinging his head up with a guilty look gleaming in his eyes. You think of a puppy who’s been caught peeing on the carpet. His expression, or perhaps the way his face was structured, reminded you of a puppy too. His face was somewhat sallow, somewhat droopy. Lines indicate a lot of frowning. Like a sad, droopy cartoon dog. His face narrowed down from his eyes, making his red cupid’s bow mouth seem small. A strong, straight nose dominates his face. His big eyes seem dark and questioning. Like a scared, lost child.

Krill quickly shoots up like a bean sprout, shaking his hands out. The magazine drops to the floor. He swears, bends down to pick it up, and anxiously fusses over righting it on the coffee table. You watch the way the glossy purple cuffs wave as he moves about in jerky, quick moves.

“Good morning, doctor,” he greets warily, avoiding your gaze and staring at your shoes.

“You must be Abner,” you smile. You reach out your hand. In a painful, pregnant pause he visibly wavers as he stares at your hand as if you’d stuck out a gun at him. Finally, he reaches out to take your hand.

He has a strong grip. Sweaty hands.

Hastily, he pulls away.

“Nice to meet you. Why don’t we head on back?”

He nods. His legs are long yet his steps uncertain, reminding you of a gangly adolescent. He follows you down the hall from the waiting room and awkwardly stands by as you open the door to your private office. You hear him pat his thighs as he waits. Like a shadow, he follows and sticks close but careful not to touch. Barely making a sound.

After your office door clicks shut, the two of you sit in your respective places. Your desk chair has a high back, cloaked in a fraying, multicolor knitted throw blanket. A bit garish against the dull beige walls and simple yet whimsical desk decorations beside you. There’s a poster that reads It’s OK to feel this way: over a circle divided by colors and sections, listing different emotions.

You pull your knees up and begin to take off your shoes.

Your patient stares in visible confusion.

“Would you like to take your shoes off?” You ask, setting your shoes aside as you straighten up in your chair. “I find it easier to relax without them.”

“Um…” he trails off, his downturned mouth pursing as he considers this. The tension rolling off him makes him stiff and hard to read. All you’re getting from him so far is how much he doesn't want to be here.

You watch him while occupying your hands with things on your desk so he doesn’t feel pressured to make a decision. From the corner of your eye, you watch him swallow, Adam's apple bobbing, and he slowly reaches down to untie and slip off his oxford shoes. He sets them neatly beside his feet. Hands tucked in his lap, sock feet on the ground. Looking up at you somewhat imploringly.

“This is a safe space, Abner,” you smile at him. You have your clipboard and pen in your lap, but you make yourself relaxed and as welcoming as you can. Note-taking can be done later. Visibly, at least. Don’t want to make him think you’re already assessing him before y'all begin to talk. Can’t force him to talk.

Ex-prisoners often struggle with reforming to civilization after release. He couldn’t be forced to attend therapy here despite the outside forces that pressured him to. If he wanted to walk out, he could. Abner was so tense he seemed to be walking on eggshells. He struggled to relax his shoulders, like his limbs were too long for his body. During all this, he hadn’t met your gaze one.

“Whatever we talk about won’t leave this room, unless, for instance, you said you plan to hurt yourself or someone else.”

This gets a reaction out of him. A grimace, a shake of his head. “No, I wouldn’t…”

“Of course not. You’re a superhero now, right?”

He grins. It’s brief, boyish, sheepish. He’s studying the design of your clothes. You consider that progress from your feet.

“You were recommended to me by Dr. Rooney at Belle Reve,” you begin conversationally, baldly, wanting to get a feel of where he was coming from. Your colleague had said Krill was not a violent inmate, but was often verbally bullied by other prisoners. He tended to avoid crowds, thus mostly avoided. More than once he had been on suicide watch. Casually, you glance down at your clipboard. Born in Philadelphia to Augustine Krill--father unknown--and tried and convicted for first-degree murder as an adult in the city of Metropolis. He was incarcerated at Belle Reve shortly after turning eighteen. He was in his early forties now.

You look back up at Abner. He had that sad puppy dog look again, staring at nothing in particular with his neck hunched.

“Did you and Dr. Rooney get along?”

“D-Doesn’t your notes say?”

You make a face. “I want to know what you think of Rooney, not what he thinks.”

Abner didn’t answer right away. “He was okay.”

“Okay,” you echo, licking your bottom lip as you cock your head up. “Okay is better than nothing.”

“We mostly spoke about my mother.”

“Oh?”

“She experimented on me and my siblings. She wanted us to become superheroes,” he said. His voice held much more confidence than anything he’d said so far, but his expression remained unchanged. It was because he kept words void of emotion.

“I see.” Yes, you did see. You had anticipated the topic of his mother coming up if you didn’t ask him about it first in future sessions. Dr Krill was listed in his files as a scientist at S.T.A.R. Labs, and having six children whom lived on site with her. CPC had been called a few times, rebuffed every time by various means other than being convinced nothing was wrong. The whole thing was fishy, especially after the untimely deaths of three of Dr. Krill’s children. The whereabouts of the other Krill children were unknown. All investigations into S.T.A.R. Labs had been terminated by higher powers, even after Abner’s arrest and psychological evaluation.

Abner continues, to your surprise. “I pictured Starro as my mother.”

“You did?”

“It makes it easier, when I convince myself that my enemy is her. I don't like killing.”

You pick up your pen and tap your lip, looking down at the way he was fidgeting his feet. “Did you regret killing your mother”

Abner’s knee stopped bouncing. “No.”

“Do you regret killing the other scientists at S.T.A.R. Labs? The--”

Abner grimaced and brought his hands to his head, tugging on fistfulls of black hair. “I-I didn’t mean--I-I--”

“Hey, it’s okay. You don’t have to answer that today,” you placate with a soft tone, putting down your pen, fingers rubbing along the edge of your clipboard. After a moment of heated silence, you set your things down on the desk and stand up. This makes your patient crumble in on himself, trying to hunch low enough to shield some blow. You smile sadly where he can’t see. “Abner, do you see my poster here? With all the emotions?”

He looks back up, glancing from you to said poster. His attention is answer enough.

“Whatever you feel in this room is valid to you and to me. Not now, but in the future I’d like for you to give me short but detailed descriptions to how you feel on certain things. It's okay to say something you think is taboo or unorthodox. This room doesn't have ears or a head to judge. Do you think you can do that?”

The couch makes no sound as he moves to better see the circle chart of words. Timidly, he nods.

“Great,” you smile sadly and sit back down. “Let’s get back to that later. Today, I’d like to talk about something other than your mother.”

Abner tilts his head. You must be doing something to exceed his expectations, because now he’s looking at you and not at you. “The Corto Maltese mission?”

“No. I want to know about you. I want to talk about Abner Krill. Who are you?”

His blank stare makes your heartache a little for him.

The following silence, where all you can hear is his ragged breath, the whirl of the monitor, and the soft mist of the incense humidifier, is thick. You can cut it with the tip of your pen. The sound of his voice as he speaks is almost staggering. "I am... I am my mother's son."

“No."

He flinches.

"Your mother does not define you. What you think about your mother and how you feel about her should not determine your sense of self or your future. You liked defeating that monster, right?”

Abner nods.

“You’re a superhero because you took action, not because she moved your hand. What you say here today, and any day, should be the same. Do you think you can do this for me?”

“I don’t understand…”

“I want to know the real Abner,” you smile. “Not Dr. Krill’s son.”

He still can’t make eye contact. The fidgeting starts back up. “But, what I am is because of her.”

“Not unless you choose otherwise. Starting today, you and I are going to help define Abner Krill. First, you are not your mother’s son.”

“But I am?”

“No. You are not your mother’s son. You’re Abner Krill, superhero. What does Abner Krill the superhero like to do?”

Understanding slowly started to dawn on him, visible in his eyes as he lifted his slanted brows. Recovering from trauma was no walk in the park, but the two of you had to start somewhere. Rooney over-fixated on Abner’s fixation on his mother and the abuse, and after years of obsessing over it to “fix” him, it seemed to become all Abner could think about. No one had really given him proper trauma recovery therapy, or helped to treat his PTSD. You wanted him to take the first step into self-evolution. No one could do it for him. You want him to define himself other than his mother’s son. Seeing himself as a superhero was perhaps the start of it.

“I-I don’t know,” he frowned. “I like to read…”

“That’s great!” Your enthusiasm startles him. “What sort of things do you like to read?”

“Well… Ah, I-I uh... I like the classics….”

The rest of your session with Abner was mostly casual. The safe topics you steered him to visibly made the man relax. He spoke about the fictional worlds he enjoyed immersing himself in. He liked the classics because they were “soft”. Sweet romances where the only real worries were who’s going to the ball. He didn't like tragedies or novels about war or great violence. With some coaxing, he opens up to talk about his favorite foods, animals, celebrities, songs-- You ask about his (non-virus related) talents or any hobbies he might’ve picked up at the prison or since he’s been out. Steering him away from the topic of his mother confused him in the beginning, leading you to assume he had anticipated mostly speaking about her. He’d been prepared like he might prepare to go into battle.

You know he won’t be able to just brush his mother aside; his virus was because of Dr. Krill. He blamed his 20+ years of incarceration at Belle Reve on his mother’s experimentations. He blamed himself. He hated her. He hated himself. Feared her. Feared himself. It was an inner wound that would never heal, you know this without a doubt, but you hope with time it becomes easier to manage as he takes control and independence of his new life.

“Did you ever go to school, Abner?”

The phantom smile on his face falls, but you haven’t lost him as he turns to you. Looks at your shoulder. “No. We--my siblings and I--were… homeschooled.”

“Right. Well, you at least know what homework is?”

“Yes. Of course. Am--Do you want me to--?”

With a hand gesture you hope is placating, you smile and gently cut him off. “Don’t worry, I’m not assigning you an essay to write or a month-long project to present. I’m not that cruel,” you chuckle. “But I am going to push you a little. Can you try that for me?”

He looks as if you’ve asked him to consider sacrificing his firstborn. Thankfully, he nods as he plucks a loose string off his knee.

“I want to see you biweekly, so schedule with Patrica upfront. Maybe this Friday or Saturday?”

“I-I can do that, yes ma’am.”

"Now, it's your choice to come back or not but it would make me really happy if you did."

His back straightens. "Yes. I'll be here."

“Beautiful, Abner. Beautiful. Sometime this week I’d like you to do something you normally wouldn't do. Go on a hike, join a gym, take a class on cooking or arts and crafts. It can be simply looking up a food recipe you’ve never tried before and making it. Tell me about your experience. If you’re around strangers, how is your relationship with them? If you see something new, how does it make you feel? This isn’t an order, Abner, just a… strong suggestion, mm? All I’m asking is for you to do something new and spontaneous. It can be at home or outside. Your choice.”

Abner licked his lips. It had taken a great deal of effort to convince him to come here at all today. Today is the first time speaking to him, but you’ve had his file for a few days now. You’re a little grateful for that. There was a lot to read. However, it took outside forces such as one Amanda Waller and fellow ex-prisoner teammates to get him to come here. You suspect someone dropped him off if he didn’t take a cab himself. He had no driver's license.

“Ah… Okay. Um, yes miss. Ma'am. Doctor! Ah--”

“You can call me by my name,” you reassure, tilting your head to him. “This is a safe space for you and I. We may be doctor and patient outside that door, but here, we can be as familiar with each other as we'd like. Like old friends.”

He turned to you with a look that sent a thunderbolt of sensation down your spine. Surprise, awe. A silent question gleamed in his puppy-dog eyes. He doesn't respond, brows raised high as he just stares at you.

You cover for his lapse. “I’ll see you in a few days. It was wonderful to finally meet you, Abner,” you say, looking at him without pretenses to hopefully show your honesty. He had an incredible gift that could help save a lot of people, and from what you've learned from recent character evaluations on him he had the makings of a fine superhero. First thing first, he needed to adjust to civilian life after years of being locked up, and years of having nothing but unresolved trauma. All the while, you hold back a rueful smile at his demeanor. You won't say it aloud of course, but he was so cute. Idly, you wonder about his sexuality- but you can ask that another day. For now you wanted him to be a little more daring to try new things and focus on something other than his mother.

You stand up and shake his hand. His grip is a little looser this time, lingering longer, but he moves away quickly, gathers his shoes, and you see him out. His scurrying reminds you of a startled elk. Large yet quick, stumbling over his long legs. Running from you as if you held a rifle instead of a purple glitter clipboard.

It was hard to believe this man had committed mass homicide.

#abner krill #polka dot man #the Suicide squad #abner krill x reader #polkadot man x reader #reader #therapy #chapter one

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chaoticevilbean · 3 years

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Voltron HC’s for my Humans Are Weird Lance-Centric Story

Lance became immune to most poisons because he wanted to be like Westley in The Princess Bride

Lance has worn heels, dresses, makeup, extensions, etc, multiple times His sisters and brothers helped him learn the skills

Lance has learned how to fix engines, along with other basic/simple engineering skills, because of his brother Marco

Lance is an amazing chemist and knows how to make an impromptu bomb with sweat, a bobby pin and something made of glass, because of his sister-in-law Bella

Lance speaks practically every language to communicate with his friends Lance can cook and bake relatively well because he helped his mother and grandmothers cook

Lance may not be Pidge’s level, but he is a white hat hacker who made money after being hired by multiple governments to make sure they weren’t vulnerable because his brother-in-law Theo dared he couldn’t

Lance knows how macgyver basically anything because of the many things he had happen with his cousins and siblings

Lance can use bows, throwing knives, darts, blowguns, and guns really well, as well as a sling and has a throwing arm of incredibly accuracy because of his father encouraging it (and a boomerang to honor his favorite character Sokka)

Lance knows juego de mani and limalama because Veronica told him to learn to protect himself without weapons and he wanted to make her proud

Lance can sew, knit, crochet, etc, because he wanted to help his mother and grandmothers and sisters

Lance is a disguise pro because of his sisters

Lance is amazing at acting and lie detecting because of his younger relatives and siblings

Lance can dance in practically every way, revealed through pole dancing and aerial silks, and Lance is so flexible Hunk insists he has no bones, all because he played Twister and limbo and refused to lose - and then took gymnastics and dancing classes when his aunt found out and paid

Lance has multiple service animals because his mind doesn’t work like others and he has various needs - each animal does something different

He had a boa constrictor for his anxiety, a parrot to tell him when he accidentally switched languages, a goose to make sure no one hurt his feelings (accidental or purposeful), and a small snake that they couldn’t identify that helps him focus

Therefore, Lance handles all animals extremely well and they automatically love him - several times, he comes back to the Castle with new animals that they can’t get rid of and have to take along

Lance has run and won three marathons so his older brother Phillipe would be motivated to exercise

Lance can swim, climb, and jump better than most people, including Pidge, Hunk, and Keith. He can only swim and jump better than Shiro - they’re matched for climbing, unless they’re in trees, in which Lance wins, because of siblings and relatives

Lance can eat Carolina Reapers without crying because of bets

Lance can sing and knows many styles, including opera - his voice is incredibly strong, and he is told to not sing opera unless there is something protecting other species from the volume - his family would sing together and he took lessons after his uncle started crying at his ‘angelic voice’

Lance is the best diplomat because he understands people and how to get them to loosen up and have fun, which causes them to accept his ‘pack-bonding’ and want to be his ally/friend - because everyone back home was family

Lance can storytell with the best of them because of his grandparents telling their own stories and him mimicking them as he told them about his day

Lance once broke his leg, sprained his wrist, dislocated his shoulder, and scraped himself up really badly because he fell down a steep hill on an island - a few friendly sharks and dolphins came together to help him make it back to home (Hunk’s home because he was visiting)

Caffeine does nothing to Lance - he can consume a gallon of pure espresso without dying or so much as twitching, and he won’t be affected at all. He cannot be addicted, and it’s because his uncle would give him coffee and soda as a little baby when his parents weren’t looking, but he came over semi-irregularly due to travel

Lance cannot get hungover and it takes a whole lot of alcohol to make him drunk. He’s gone to several open clubs, and gotten many drinks bought for him both normally and in a dress and heels - his family had competitions often and he participated from fifteen onwards and somehow was again immune for the most part

Lance can eat a whole pineapple on his own (it was a dare that he worked up to) Lance can whisper at many different volumes and in many ways. He can also throw off his voice. Hide-and-seek tag was fun, especially in the dark where you could freak out whoever was it

Lance can flip knives and screwdrivers and such. He can also throw simple objects with deadly accuracy (pencils) because his brother came out as gay and was bullied, so he learned to flip knives and transferred that to school items, which then transferred to bullies finding their backpacks pinned by a colored pencil that was thrown nearly hitting their necks.

Lance can make a fire easily due to bonfires on the beach. He has no fear for it, and knows minor blacksmithing because him and Veronica liked to make things out of stuff they found on the shore.

Lance has cute hiccups and sneezes, like a little kitten, but only Hunk knows. Whenever someone sneezes or hiccups, Hunk gives Lance a look, waiting for the moment when the cuteness comes. It hasn’t… yet

Lance can do a million what if’s and figure out deep theories for each because his family got bored easily

Lance can mimic practically anything due to a combo of games with siblings and survival skills - and learning to screech in his sister’s ear

Lance can make up a million different swears because they weren’t allowed to cuss around the younger kids. He knows how to come up with the so fast that Pidge wonders if it’s another language for him

Lance is the most protective - Hunk is the only one who’s truly seen what he looks like in a rage (the Galra see - and their ship goes down before they can tell anyone - thank you Black Lion) - Lance will never lose someone in a crowd, and no one can kidnap someone around him - he spent years herding kids in crowded areas and saving them from creeps. He will never lose someone.

Lance is so empathic that he befriends several Galra teams and those eventually join the Blades - he watched his younger relatives fall down and had to kiss lots of boo-boos

He had so many female relatives, Lance knows how to handle periods better than some girls

Lance goes calm when scared - he had to handle whatever danger there was before it could hurt or affect his family - he supercalculates and becomes a supersoldier/assassin

Lance has the best intuition and every human learns this - he knows when something is low quality, when something or someone cannot be trusted, when something is wrong, etc. - Hunk vouches the first time when it’s just humans, and the second time (outside of a battle or something), the Alteans are forced to listen when the four other humans insist Lance should be trusted - it helped him avoid danger

Lance handles stress so well, he barely feels it. His adrenaline is completely on beck and call. He never told anyone but his family because no one else he knows of has achieved a mental switch to the adrenaline rush. He can use hysterical strength on command, but he’s only done it once before. He just goes as calm as when scared if he gets too stressed or if everyone else is too stressed

Lance is the best at grooming - thank you sisters

Hunk and Lance have tattoos and pierced ears (Hunk has a large traditional tattoo on his back); Lance has several tattoos on his center back (flowers and skulls and leaves) with some spreading outwards (vines with more flowers and stuff growing out) and has band tattoos on his shins and biceps; Lance has many piercings in his ears that no one notices unless he’s wearing earrings - his siblings took him to get the tattoos and piercings, and his mother took him to get the first piercings and his father the first tattoo (a small flower on his shoulder blade)

Lance is best at child games like tag and hidenseek because of his family Sometimes, Lance speaks in such complex slang and metaphors that even Hunk barely understands him because he and his siblings and cousins wanted to speak to each other (gossip) without eavesdroppers

Lance cannot control his curiosity well because he had to explore things for and with his family and knew he could handle the situations if they went wrong

Lance loves cute things because of pets and nieces and nephews

Lance learned to talk backwards and can go silent for a long time without losing his voice because of dares

Lance has a high pain tolerance even if he hasn’t been hurt in a long time and it’s helped him (sharks and dolphin incident, saving Coran, just contributing to fight and help his family and friends even in pain) - however, he will likely be extremely dreamy when that happens

ONE DAY: Pidge makes a teleporter and manages to get a friend back on Earth to set up another. She also gets communications up.

Shiro talks with Adam (this is Adashi and Alluratt), and gets sent some official medals to show he’s a General because of all he’s done and been through.

Hunk’s mothers and sisters send him homegrown ingredients and some better tools.

Pidge’s mother spends half the time telling Sam, Matt, and Pidge off for leaving and the other half asking if they’re okay and then sends them each a care package.

Keith also talks with Adam and gets sent a knife “to remind you of home”.

Lance’s family takes an hour just introducing themselves to Keith (who Lance insists stays with since he said he didn’t have family - “you can share mine then”) and then spends a good many more telling about what happened; they send over a bunch of shoes and clothes and sewing/knitting supplies and chemistry supplies and etc so he won’t get bored and then Veronica asks him if he can ask Pidge if the teleporter can do it with living things.

She says it can, but don’t have anyone come because of the danger - Veronica sends Lance’s service animals and they all missed him so much and instantly like the team.

Maverick is the goose (*tell dad that joke with a straight face*)

Princey is the boa constrictor

Alexander is the parrot

Cleopatra is the unidentifiable snake

Maverick tries to peck Keith whenever he makes a rude comment on accident, so Keith starts learning what’s hurtful and how to rephrase his thoughts so they’re not as hurtful but still honest.

Princey loves Hunk and tries to hug everyone.

Alex imitates Coran’s voice and uses that from then on unless Coran is around then he’ll bark like a dog once to alert Lance that it’s the real deal - Alex knows that helping Lance is important and Coran helps Lance so using Coran’s voice helps a lot.

Pidge wants to know what Cleo is, but Cleo doesn’t leave Lance’s side unless necessary because he ‘disappeared’ for the animals.

The other collected animal assortment learn how to help Lance from his service animals and soon he almost always (except battle) has at least three other creatures besides his service ones following him and helping.

Lance took drama class and was in the play put on by the class, but worked backstage as stage manager (was on the floor and used his intuition for lights and sound and stuff)

For the drama club play - he was the lead almost every time no matter how many times he suggested someone else might be better.The one time he wasn’t, he was the love interest (he was Mais Merian instead of Robin Hood)

He always got special recognition when backstage and that time as the interest despite him nominating literally everyone else

Lance has met Mothman - that’s all he tells Keith and co, but he used to get together every Saturday night for stargazing with Mothman and a lovely sasquatch, and they kept in touch when he left for the Garrison; Veronica helped them and let the cryptids know that Lance was okay after communicating with the Paladins.

Mothman was named Emilio by Lance and nicknamed Em. The sasquatch was named Alli.

Lance has been “adopted” by packs of wild animals several times and not always packs. He once was pushed by a bully over the edge of the crocodile enclosure at a zoo (bully just pushed, didn’t mean to make him go over) on a school field trip when he was twelve. They couldn’t get the crocs to give him back til his abuelita came over with a chancla and scolded them until they gave the boy back.

He was allowed back into the zoo for free so long as he helped when the animals were cranky or needing shots because they were always calm around him.

He befriended every animal.

Rosa the gorilla was a lovely little lady who would sing with him and she would start singing the moment she heard/saw him. They had a special song just for the two of them to sing.

Lance went viral, but not many recognize the twelve year old as him, especially because people stopped posting when it became clear he wasn’t going to stop and they got used to it.

Keith remembers the hippo video and wishes he could’ve joined that boy. When it is eventually revealed that Lance is the Animal Tamer, he promises to get Keith his own hippo (his uncle bought the zoo when it started to close down a few years back -same people work there, just different ownership. Lance knows his uncle won’t mind)

Keith is ecstatic and refuses to believe Lance is lying, and Shiro and Pidge worry and are shocked. Hunk knew.

Lance learned to hang upside down like a bat for long periods of time because his family had a huge vacation house with rafters but the house got crowded since everyone would come and Lance would stay in the rafters with Veronica to provide more room and both became known as the Bat Twins.

Lance uses this to scare the Blades by telling Keith to tell Kolivan about vampires and then hanging from the vents and hissing at people while wearing black and dark red and a cape that he made.

He also has fake fangs and red contacts so no one recognized him but the humans and now everyone is on the lookout for the vampire in the vents.

Keith and Shiro never leave the team or disappear. The Blades approach the Paladins seeking an alliance.

Hunk and Lance were pen pals at three because of Lance’s aunt who knows one of Hunk’s moms, and they met at five when the aunt brought him back.

He went every year for both short and long trips, and the island Hunk lived on accepted Lance into the community, so now he has traditional tattoos on his lower back and across his shoulders that meld with his previous tattoos easily.

He got the lower back one when he was thirteen and the shoulders when he was fourteen. The bands are a combo of Cuban and Samoan culture in their styling.

Lance had worked on some of his relatives’ farm after school since he was seven. He knows how to milk a cow, herd flocks, lasso (probably lassos a thief at some point), hogtie, farm (plants), make animal calls and whistles, get chickens to obey, ride a horse and a bull, use a scythe like a pro (and terrify Pidge and Shiro on their makeshift Halloween while Keith attempts to figure out how a cryptid, a quiznacking GRIM REAPER, got aboard. Hunk just stands back to watch the chaos), bargain/barter like a pro, withstand extremely strong winds and other storm conditions without falling over (he can walk, make himself heard, and even run and jump and climb like normal), tell when something is sick or ready to be harvested/milked, tend to many animals, speak in farmer slang, and has memorized the planting requirements for many crops.

Lance can stand off in a growl/roaring match (baring teeth and trying to seem bigger) against bears, Alli the sasquatch, wolves, and several Galra soldiers. He came across many Earth predators and knew that his logical mind could overcome his primal instincts that would make him give in to a wild animal.

Therefore, whenever Lance and co happened on one and needed to scare it off, he would do so by not giving in in the slightest, which eventually broke the other, especially since it was always obvious he was protecting his family.

If it was two ‘mamas’ (Lance is ‘mama’), then both seemed to feel it and would stand down and head their separate ways.

The Galra found out when Lance stood off against a commander in a ground base and got the enemy to give in. Once the commander was submissive, the others gave in and the base was converted (secretly) to the Blades.

After all, Lance didn’t try to hurt them, simply continued on his way. And he was heard getting the others to not destroy the base because “these soldiers aren’t with the Empire. At least, not because they want to be. They’re with the Empire because it’s all they know. Let’s leave them be now.”

The Blades found out as a whole when a Blade tried to tell Keith off of going on a small reconnaissance mission because he was too small.

Lance came to the defense, and unbeknownst to the Paladins, Lance was then on known as the Caretaker of the group, a type of alpha that doesn’t lead, but is very protective of their pack and is willing to do whatever necessary to protect them. Shiro is the alpha, but even he will give in to the Caretaker if faced off with the alpha side of it.

Lance then finds himself taking less fire during battle, which helped him focus better on protecting his team, because the word got out and the Galra don’t attack Caretakers or kits because they’re the most important. Together they are the future.

Lance is both a kit and a Caretaker, attempting to protect his fellow kits, and that means that they are very hesitant to attack. They have to rethink strategies to avoid lethal offenses due to Lance’s willingness to take the hits and the fact that they are all kits.

There is one adult in their group and it’s a crazy middle-aged Altean.

Kolivan sees the Caretaker up close and personal when he ‘loses’ Keith. Before Lance can do more than growl and prepare to shout and cuss out the Blade for losing his teammate, Keith comes busting out of the vents spouting off about how he was training and then he was asked to go find the vampire and even though he knows the truth it was too good an opportunity, and then he thinks the Blades lost track of him and then he heard the Paladins boarding and it wasn’t Kolivan’s fault, it was an accident.

Lance immediately backs off and tells Keith to use the Castle’s training room. He seriously just got back from the reconnaissance mission, take a break.

Lance can handle many different temperatures because of the weather back home and his siblings often taking him out camping.

Back home, everyone was family to Lance. On Hunk’s island home, everyone around them was family or friends.

Lance and Hunk can walk, talk, sing, dance, and overall move in unison to the point where they seem telepathic. They can do so for a long time.

Their record is three days, where they woke up and went to sleep at the same time and helped each other make food and overall astounded their fellow Garrison cadets. Pidge was there and can vouch that it was terrifying.

Lance will always rescue someone in need. It gains them many allies from Galra, Empire supporters who only support it because it’s all they know, pirates, fauna, some flora, a few allies who were going to discuss the alliance until Lance helped a kid up or saved an animal without any incentive. They all saw a caring nature in a vicious predator and decided that was the perfect ally.

Lance celebrates Hanukkah, Christmas, Días Des Les Muertos (check spelling), a bunch of other holidays and a lot of birthdays because of his large family. He keeps it up in space by either putting up decorations in a few rooms (sometimes rooms that no one visits so they won’t be taken down) or going around saying something like “Happy Marco’s birthday!”

Lance has an incredible sense of smell because of diapers, cooking, identifying nature and other things so he can tell what is in something rather easily and can even track down stronger smelling things with relative ease.

Lance is the flower crown making champ and can make all sorts of styles since his nieces and nephews always wanted them

Lance and Hunk have the worst dark humor and it’s a major surprise, but it comes from being exposed to other people a lot and Lance had social media.

His Instagram is of animals and nature, his Twitter is of weather and the beach and more nature, his Facebook is his crafts and art and occasionally some songs (just audio clips and you can’t really identify him with his voice, he even did opera once), Reddit has theories and he’s incredibly respected for his ideas and theories especially because it’s just for fun and he says that, Tumblr is random stuff and everyone loves him (both the fandoms and the hipsters).

None of his accounts have his face or information, so he’s completely anonymous. Hunk learned from Lance.

Lance has wonderful rhythm because he had to get thirty kids to sing Cotton Eye Joe and do the dances at the same time

Lance never took ice skating lessons but is really good and has had several people offer to teach him or ask him to join an event/team

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mst3kproject · 3 years

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Magic Christmas Tree

I thought I’d try something different this year and find a bad Hannukah movie, but everybody I asked had the same recommendation: Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights. I know for a fact that is a prohibitively awful film, because I know people who’ve watched parts of it (I have not to date met anyone who could sit through the whole thing), but it just doesn’t feel like an MST3K feature to me. Anyway, I have standards. My conclusion is that people need to make more Hannukah movies… and until that happens, I’m watching Magic Christmas Tree, which comes specially recommended by RiffTrax.

This is the only Christmas movie I’ve ever seen which starts with cheerful holiday music over footage of… Hallowe’en decorations. Obnoxious bully Mark and his two pushover friends decide to go investigate a supposedly-haunted house. Naturally the old lady who lives there is a witch, and in exchange for Mark rescuing her cat, she gives him a seed for a magical tree that will grant him three wishes. Two months later, with the tree fully grown, his first wish is to have magical powers for one hour – he uses them to torment unfortunate people who were already having to work on Christmas Eve. His second wish is to kidnap Santa Claus and extort unlimited presents from him, but that attracts the attention of the spirit of Greed, who intends to keep Mark as a slave forever! Good thing he’s still got that third wish.

God, I hate this movie. I’d say it’s the worst Christmas movie I’ve ever seen, but Elves exists, so instead I have to say it’s the worst Christmas movie that didn’t have any Nazis in it. It reminds me more than anything else of Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow, in that it’s an absolute mess that seems to have been put together by people who have no idea what they’re doing. It spends most of its time on boring, annoying irrelevant bullshit, and then when it gets to the plot, that’s boring and annoying, too!

Magic Christmas Tree is only an hour long, but that’s twice as long as it needed to be. A plot summary makes it sound like most of the film will be dealing with Mark’s three wishes and how he uses them, but it’s half-over before we even get to that point. The time leading up to it is spent watching Mark follow the witch’s complicated instructions on how to grow and activate the tree, and his parents dealing with this unwanted thing appearing in the middle of their back yard. All of this is presented in excruciating detail. We watch Mark dig the entire hole to plant the seed in. We see his Dad struggle with the lawnmower at unbelievable length, while the Mom yacks about nothing on the phone with her friend Betty. The Dad tries to cut the tree down with no success. Mark has to say a set of magic words over and over and over.

It goes on so long, it passes the are you fucking kidding me? point and wanders into territory where you wonder if there’s something wrong with the disk and you’re playing the scene over and over. It actually starts to feel like it’s on purpose – especially when the slowness is repeatedly emphasized by shots of Mark’s pet tortoise, Ichabod, who seems to be eating his patch of clover far faster than anybody else is accomplishing anything. You’ll swear the movie is making fun of you.

The sound that accompanies all this is sometimes very peculiar. The old lady has exactly the voice you’d expect from a witch in a cheap kid’s movie, but Mark’s Mom sounds like she’s being dubbed by a twelve-year-old boy, possibly the same one who provided the voice for Mark himself. The tree speaks (oh, yes, it does) in the voice of a smarmy stereotypical gay man. Santa Claus sounds like he’s half-senile and wondering what’s for lunch.

The lawnmower makes some very strange noises indeed. I guess they’re meant to be cartoonish and funny. They’re definitely the former but they’re never the latter, possibly because they never sound remotely like a lawnmower. When Mark’s Dad is trying to get it started it sounds like the ghost of a consumptive horse, and three hours later when it actually gets going, it makes noises like a traffic jam in Whoville.

Besides sounding weird, the actors are just plain bad. The guy playing Santa Claus is half-asleep. We’re told that the tree’s magic means he’s trapped in the chair he’s sitting in, and I honestly do believe that actor could not have gotten up if he tried, no wishes necessary. The woman playing Mark’s Mom looks like she’s high as a kite and only barely keeping her grip on reality. Maybe that’s why they had to dub her. Mark’s Dad recites his lines like a guy on a game show reading his own life story off a teleprompter, and does his yard chores in a way that’s probably supposed to be pantomimey but is the opposite of entertaining. The Dad gets an inordinate amount of screen time, which I can only chalk up to the fact that he’s played by director Dick Parish.

The worst of the lot are, of course, the kids, who are predictably terrible 60’s child actors. They yell all their lines, with the volume and exaggerated emphasis you expect from a school play. It wears thin very, very quickly. The kid playing Mark is the worst of the lot, although I might just think that because he’s the one we spend the most time with. He’s a huge part of why this movie makes me so mad.

I think the best way to describe Mark as a character is to say that the first time I watched this movie I assumed his name was ‘Billy’, despite the fact that everybody kept calling him ‘Mark’. He just seems like the type of nasty little brat who’d be named ‘Billy’ in a bad 60’s Christmas movie. We meet him having lunch with his two friends by the playground, and learn that he’s a greedy little shit when he drives a hard bargain in a sandwich trade. Greedy-little-shit-itude continues to be his primary character trait and is, of course, the core of the movie’s lesson. His attempt to monopolize Santa Claus makes him such a greedy little shit that Greed himself takes an interest in him.

Greed is a huge hairy man who takes delight in kidnapping little boys. I think he’s supposed to look like a fairy tale giant. Watching him manhandle a child is an intensely uncomfortable experience.

I guess ‘don’t be greedy’ is a standard message for a children’s movie, and it seems like a particularly appropriate one for Christmas, which presents children with a great opportunity for avarice. What seems a little odd is that Mark never actually suffers any consequences for his selfishness, only the vague threat of them. There was a perfect opportunity for some of this when Mark kidnaps Santa Claus. Santa, after all, brings toys to good girls and boys… surely by this point, after his brief reign of terror with his magical powers, Mark has been naughty enough to deserve only coal. Apparently that’s not how it works, though. Mark just wanders off into the woods in search of small animals to shoot with his new rifle, runs into the giant, and immediately repents even though Greed is offering him all the toys and candy he wants.

What supposedly prompts Mark to become a better person is seeing how the world has responded to Santa Claus going missing. Curiously, there is very little emphasis on the children who are sad because they didn’t get any presents. Maybe somebody thought that would have made them seem greedy? Instead, the vision Greed presents to Mark is of the United States military mobilizing to locate Santa and bring him home, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians-style! So… I guess Mark becomes a better person because he’s afraid of what’s going to happen if the army finds Santa trapped in a chair in his house? I guess that is pretty terrifying.

Another thing that blunts the lesson is the fact that Mark is given his three wishes as a reward for a good deed. He got the witch’s cat down from the tree, so she offers him the magical seed and doesn’t let him refuse. What then was he supposed to use his three wishes for, if not to get stuff for himself? Was this intentionally a poisoned gift, because you shouldn’t accept things from witches? The witch insists that there are good witches as well as wicked ones, but she’s not exactly an unbiased source. The movie never tries to blame her, though. The situation is presented as Mark’s fault, and Mark’s alone.

Finally, at the end Mark wakes up and finds that of course the whole thing was a dream – there was no witch, no magic tree, and no Santa Claus. This is less annoying than it could have been because at least it’s not a surprise. Mark did hit his head when he fell out of the tree the cat was in, and the movie changed from black and white to colour. We’ve seen this before in The Wizard of Oz and we can guess where it’s going. The audience might assume that Mark will wake up and immediately take the opportunity to be generous instead of greedy, perhaps by giving his friend something to make up for the lunch trade. Instead, the woman who owns the cat (who is not actually a witch, but looks even more like one in this part of the film than she does wearing the Hallowe’en witch costume in Mark’s dream) offers him milk and cookies, and he delightedly accepts. This just gives the impression that he’s learned nothing.

Is there anything in this movie I didn’t hate? Well… among Mark’s school friends is a token black kid, who is not differentiated in any way from his peers. He talks like them, he dresses like them, and the writers did not use either his lunch or his Hallowe’en plans as a way to demarcate a class difference between him and the others. So yeah, the movie sucks, but the writers tried really hard not to be racist.

Happy fucking holidays. I want to say hooray for surviving 2020, but we’ve still got a week to go. That’s plenty of time for oh, I don’t know, an alien invasion, or a giant meteor, or the Yellowstone supervolcano, or zombies, or whatever. At this point, if most of us aren’t dead by this time next year, I’ll count that as a win.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #magic christmas tree #fuck this movie #holiday reviews #60s

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bisexualoftheblade-old · 3 years

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how many wips do you have? like what are they all, and not the number of wips in a fandom? what are all the names?

okay. fuck you. fuck you so much. fuck you.

i’m putting this under a read more cut no one else deserves to see this shit. a lot of these are requests, and for those i will just write out the request itself

Shadowhunters:

domestic polycule fluff with tem, jessa, and will because im not a coward

Supernatural

- hehe hoho i request destiel hehehe

- request 61/? cai cai cai cai i need you to rewrite the destiel scene but yk. GOOD. not like i'm in the know about the spn fandom or anything, it's been years for me. but DO IT

Bright Sessions

- caleb/adam grisha AU

- mark bryant vs. united states aka sue the AM

- caleb/adam college fluff

Umbrella Acaademy

- request 31/? i want a ben and klaus drabble please spare me some brotherly bickering

- AND SO BEGINS NIGHT 4 with request 13/? oooh oooh can i get a raymond and allison playlist??? i think their vibes together would SLAP

- hi there night 2 is technically morning 3 but who's counting not me anyway request 5/? can i get a ben moodboard? gotta rep my tua bb

Percy Jackson

- request 9/? can i get a percabeth moodboard or quote edit?? like god they're the og couple goals take me back to high school cai

- For the 100 follower things :D Jercy getting caught in the rain

- request 29/? a drabble about literally anything to do with pjo. i’ll be happy with anyone and anything i’m love these children

- *somersaults in like I’m a real fancy acrobat* hello ello ello may I request some camp half blood chaos possible involving *does a flip* ✨side characters✨ <3

Penumbra Podcast

- request 52/? drabble about the penumbra podcast. this is for ren bc ren likes it and i don't actually know anything about it. juno? i think? that's the one ren likes. write it for ren

- Tpp ghost hunting / buzzfeed unsolved au

- sad juno smut

- final resting place fic go brrrr

Marvel

- request 6/? i'm going to my roots y'all can i get a spider-man playlist? if not a playlist then i'd honestly be happy with literally anything involving spider-man

- request 15/? i'm going crazy this is recorded evidence of me actually losing it ANYWAY can i get a quote edit for something from iron man? literally anything that man says is gold so cai's choice :D he deserved better in endgame i'm still bitter

- request 42/? do another spidey thing that differs from the other spidey thing

- request 73/? you have Opinions. rant about infinity way and/or endgame. go.

- request 74/? quote edit for deadpool!!

- spideytorch relationship character study

- peter parker as a tired grad student monitoring the young avengers (send help)

Six of Crows

- okay listen i wasn't going to request anything bc i worry about you but also? if you want to/have the time hit me with a playlist for our girl nina zenik

- request 43/? fuckin give me the ending anya should have had. she is alive and with her new son and having a great time

- request 45/? inej moodboard?

- request 47/? will you make literally any meme of your choosing for six of crows?

- request 48/? write a drabble for kaz, my favorite bastard

- okay so i don't actually like nina or mattias that much but i still wanna hear about your thoughts (and also see if you'll change my mind)

- kaz brekker turning 18 fic. birthday party, everyone singing, whole shebang. i need it stat

- religious trauma fic aka i started shipping kaz/alina/inej and i can’t stop

- kaz trauma soup (he has D.I.D. and you can’t prove me wrong)

- my two redacted fics for @grishaversebigbang

- wesper fake dating

- six of crows bright sessions crossover: everyone gets therapy

TMA

- uhh... s1 gang having a nice time? melanie getting to have some Pride™️? some "fun" horror thing?

- request 7/? spare steph and jason bonding? please sir? spare some for a humble child such as myself?

- okay so this was meant for night 3 but i had midterm shit SO this is honorary night 3 let's DO THIS request 8/? i want a moodboard of extremely out of context magnus archives shit like i mean confuse the FUCK out of me i don't go here i know Nothing about it

- request 11/? OKAY so i need tim stoker meeting tim drake now i need my timmy to meet your tim plus i want to see character differences no i'm not trying to create a tim stoker in my head so i can read a's fic while NOT thinking of tim drake whaaaaaat you're crazy

- request 18(i think)/? i need a quote edit of every time within the first like. 15 eps of tam where jon is like “sounds fake but go off” thank u bb

- request 40/? i challenge you to write a tma drabble based only on the episodes i've heard. i'm currently halfway through episode 23

- Jon being lovingly bullied into taking a break. I'm aware this has been written a million times but it is one of my favorite things.

- spiral!sasha AU

- extinction martin go brrrrr

- high school era timsasha. they've both been friends for years, and everyone always asks when they will be a couple. they decide to fake date, to prove everyone wrong and show what a bad couple they would be. turns out that's a bit trickier than they thought

- after sasha comes back, tim is broken. he can't let go, scared that if he looks away for even a minute he'll lose her again. sasha suggests shibari as a way for him to give up control

- sasha pov mag 19 au, sacrificing herself to save the others, knows that if she gives herself up to the not!them it will let the others live

- this is the "tim finds a polaroid of sasha" trope

- early archives days,, long nights in research,,, clothes sharing,, somft. late nights and falling asleep at their desks warm and safe in the other's presence

- two parts: timsasha as kids, each picking a constellation that is "theirs". just soft kid antics. tim at sasha's grave glancing up to see their constellations

- continuing your job’s a joke (you’re broke)

DC Comics

- TIMSTEPH HADESTOWN AU,,,

- my redacted fic for @batfam-big-bang

- request for you to get a decent amount of sleep? serious answer, dickkori, SAL's Venus

- request 4/? timsteph morning after 👀 mayhaps?

- a concept: nonbinary stephanie brown

- teehee hi mom, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but can i request damian angst for your accomplishments 100 followers?

- hi you can ignore my first request if you want, or you can ignore this one. but bls possibly write some bikini ra’s? -the bikini bitch

- request 27/? jay is asking through me for a jondami playlist but tbh i also want it so win win yk?

- "I don't know how to help you but I can help you find someone who does" with bruce and jason? im just craving bruce being a good day to jason for once

- “I am putting you in time out because you need to understand the consequences of your actions.” with steph and jason as dumbass disaster bi best friends pretty please?

- request 32/? timsteph patrol date!!!

- request 33/? timsteph *gala* date? mayhaps??

- request 37/? tim drake drabble but make it Edgy cai

- request 39/? drabble of a prank war between tim and damian

- joyfire cuddly fluff please? or like just any outlaw fluff if joyfire isnt your thing (feel free to add every member of the outlaws, dont feel like u gotta stick with jason, kori, roy i love them all)

- barbara and robin! jason fluff? bonding over books or something?

- request 62/? i need a drabble about the chaotic trio jason, tim, and steph i'm love them ty

- request 63/? batfam x mcu crossover. batfam meets ironfam. give me ALL the cliches. ALL OF THEM

- request 64/? young justice x young avengers - jay cuz idk SHIT about the young avengers

- request 66/? jondami moodboard pls and ty

- request 67/? timsteph moodboard!!!!!!

- request 69/? HEHEHE kinky 😏 i would v much like a timsteph drabble of the almost first time. does that make sense? like i don't want you to go all the way NSFW cuz i know that's against the rules and i'm a rule follower. but like they *almost* go all the way. this could be fade to black or some shit i don't care just make it a lil steamy and have Fun

- i request damian angst! all of it

- hmm... maybe i request? jondami?

- mayhaps,,,,some batfam,,,,,committing crimes? ily be gay do crime <3 - lu

- How about a ficlet with Steph and Cass?

Found Family Bingo Prompts

- no powers au

- tunnel

- first day

- join the club

- hurt/comfort

- experiment

- playing favorites

- hold on

- possession

- 10 o’clock

- singing

- road

- snitch

- curfew

- timer

- fantasy au

- zombie au

- dreams

- campfire

- are you okay

- movie night

- games

- scared

Miscellaneous

- a request: Write A Drabble, Coward

- is it too late to request a moodboard for me?

- request 20/? i’m going off book because i’m in a Chaotic Mood™️ can you just absolutely vibe check me like go off cai demolish me

- request 21/? i formally request that you pick a favorite cai. i don’t care what that favorite pertains to, just pick a favorite something

- request 23/? roast me

- request 24/? can i have a buzzfeed unsolved spoopy playlist but spoiler alert it’s not spoopy bc shane doesn’t believe does this make sense it has been a Day™️

- request 25/50 i want a jake and amy fic make it Soft cai i’m love them b99 is so good

- request 28/? i know nothing about the lord of the rings so make something that will confuse the shit out of me

- request 34/? malvie and jaylos moodboards 😈

- request 35/? a moodboard for the bbb mods!! perceive all of us!!!

- request 36/? moodboard for the tua mods too???? mayhaps??

- request 41/? doctor WHO? idk but i want a drabble of him and the one character i know from doctor who which is rose

- request 46/? make an alignment meme with our group, have fun!!!

- request 49/? i want you to kin assign me a character from every fandom you can/want to. go feral

- request 50!!!!/? this is a special request. the most special request. can you make a bastards tbh playlist? i want our vibes encapsulated. i want us in music form. i want to hear those songs and be like "that's me and cai" and smile.

- requests 51/? i know jack shit about good omens. explain it to me in the most confusing way possible. make me know less by the end than i know now

- request 53/? can you write a mel aesthetic? i'm Curious

- request 54/? give me a list of book recs cai i want some good book recs pls

- request 56/? edit a picture of US together too

- request 58/? oooh can i have a disney edit? like. hm. i just really love disney and i want anything to do with disney. like a quote or an aesthetic or an aesthetic edit i just want disney.

- request 59/? i would v much like a recipe for carbonara. i've never had it but it sounds fucking delicious

- request 60/? ooh hey can i get a makeup tutorial? i know you like makeup, i'm shit at doing makeup. teach me

- request 65/? i need the most emo playlist you can make that vibes with dear evan hansen thank you

- request 68/? i want a superwholock moodboard. this can be serious, with the actual fandoms in mind, or literally what the era felt like. the insanity. the horror.

- request 70/? ooh ooh ooh do you have a good bread recipe?? i wanna get that bread

- request 71/? i want a playlist with the vibes of summoning a demon. please don't ask questions. i don't have answers. and if i do, no i don't.

- For the requests, how about writing something based on a friend?

- request 75/? MMMM i want literally anything to do with natasha, pierre, and the great comet of 1812

- request 76/? i want some healthy recipes. help a girl out

- a feral bbb quote or two?

- you perceive my plant but now I dare thee to perceive mine own visage

- okay this is a two for one request. 1. you did the bee movie script so now we need a shrek two script edit 2. sleep please

- Pansexual mb for my lil queer soul?

- my (probably) final request is just for you to ramble about something, i don't really care what

- HI ILY CONGRATS AS WELL CAUSE IM LATE BUT CONGRATS. could i request a pirates of the caribbean (or just pirates) or whatever you what to do, free range.

- mood board for the beluga whales who got brought to the animal sanctuary in Iceland please?

- 100 follower request: Moodboard for my stuffed cow Oaky?

#cai's 200 #asks #mininacl

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trickstermiraculous · 4 years

Note

Been reading your prompts fic so here’s one: Marinette makes a game of counting how far into a conversation someone gets before Lila relates it to herself with a lie. Adrien joins in and then Kim joins in cause it’s fun and randomly calls out numbers. Soon Kim is making bets on it with Marinette. (Prompt is from a discord server I’m in btw in case you post it and it gets recognized)

A Simple Game

School used to be a safe haven for Adrien, a chance to be away from his father and the suffocating silence that was his house but recently with Lila’s arrival back at school. Adrien finally understood what people meant by school being hell.

She was everywhere, always clinging to him, way more than Chloe ever did at least she gave him room to breathe but with Lila, there was no chance of that happening.

Marinette also looked worse than ever while Lila did accept my deal in order to get Marinette back to school, Lila went straight back to making rumours about Marinette and what’s worse people have started to believe them like Marinette, the girl who was our everyday Ladybug. Sadly there was no chance of me stopping them since Lila started using my father as a threat in order to get what she wants and I knew she would follow up on that threat considering she has followed that threat she gave Marinette.

Trust me when I say that I wanted nothing more than to use cataclysm on Lila right then and there but I can’t do that, I’m supposed to be a hero not some sort of murder.

Right now, I finally got a chance to hang out with Marinette along with Kim and Alix since Mrs Mendeleiev gave us a group project and would not allow Lila to try and join us since it was random and wouldn’t be fair on the rest of the class.

We were studying at Marinette’s house, Alix was sitting on the floor typing on her laptop while Kim was reading a textbook on Marinette’s Chaise, Marinette herself was sitting by her desk on her computer while I was sitting quietly on a bean bag her parents brought me so I wouldn’t have to sit on the floor if I didn’t want too.

Sitting here though in silence was a surprisingly nice change from what usually happens when doing group projects. Whenever I did studying with Nino, Alya and unfortunately Lila, it was never quite what with Alya and Nino being romantic that an Alya tries to get me to ask out Lila which Marinette did warn me about when we started to hang out more outside of school when I had the chance and I noticed that she didn’t seem as nervous around me and well she kind of just blurted out everything.

Her crush on, the many attempts on asking me out along with a few admittedly creepy thing like the schedule which she apologised profusely and considering the fact Alya and the other never really stop it more like in encouraged it, I understand why she didn’t realise it was wrong until later.

Anyways back on track, the silence was nice and for once work was getting done but unfortunately, it didn’t last. Alix phone dinged and as soon as she looked at it she groaned, “What’s wrong?” questioned Marinette as she reaches for an apple from the tray of snacks that her parent’s brought us.

“It’s Lila in the group chat, Juelka brought up the fact that she wanted to try out for some modelling jobs and Lila started going on about how she knew a bunch of famous models and she would try and see if they could help her train” respond Alix glaring at her phone,

“I’m assuming this the girl’s group chat without me in it right” replied Marinette with a sigh,

“Yeah-” Alix was cut off by Kim quickly asking “you guys made a group chat without Marinette isn’t that a bit harsh, I know she and Lila don’t get on like the rest of you guys but like that’s just harsh”.

Adrien silently nodded while looking a Marinette with guilt not realising how bad her friendship with the other girls in the class had gotten. “It was Alya’s idea, not mine, you know how stubborn that reporter can be so it’s not like any of us could say no” stated Alix typing out something on her phone while the other three sat in silence.

That was then Marinette spoke up, “hey ever notice how every time someone brings up something about what they enjoy or what they want to do after school, Lila always says that she knows someone in that industry”,

“That’s a good point actually” replied Alix with a frown,

“How about this, why don’t we see how many times she does it in a week?” stated Marinette,

“But why?” questioned Kim,

“Because you guys might actually see the reason on why I was so quick to call her a liar” replied Marinette,

“I’m in” announced Adrien, surprising both Alix and Kim but both quickly agree.

And so the game began. It didn’t take long for them to start counting because according to Alix, it happened about five times in the group chat over the weekend even sending screenshots to the four’s own group that they set up for this game. Then when Monday came, they had already one point in the first lesson due to Nino bringing up a film making competition that he wanted to partake in since the prize was working with a famous director the same on who directed the movies Adrien’s mother used to be in and of course Lila started to talk about how she knew the director and if Nino wasn’t able to win, she could try and see if she could get the director to still meet with him.

Not only did it annoy Adrien that she would lie like that about a close family of the Agrestes but also the fact that she would get his best bros hopes up like that. Adrien knew as soon as she found out that Adrien was in contact with the director, she would try to get him to set up the meeting so that she would be able to take the credit in order for her not to be found out.

Halfway through the week when the number of points went over twenty when Alix and Kim both look at each other and then Marinette and then back to each other before they pulled out their phones and started googling Lila’s lies.

Both were very unhappy when they found out the truth but before they told the other, Adrien and Marinette both sat them and told them why it was a bad idea considering the pair were either being threatened or blackmail by the Italian snake. Even then Kim and Alix were adamant on making sure the others knew so the four took another route on getting Lila exposed one that was less obvious but simple.

They decided to get the other in on their game and sure enough, one by one, the class all joined in. Sure they were confused at first but playing the game for a week each member started to fact check Lila’s lies. By the end of the month, everyone knew Lila was a liar and the threats and blackmail the girl had given Adrien and Marinette so almost everyone was wanting revenge but they knew the school wasn’t going to listen or do anything since they believe that Lila had a disease that didn’t exist so instead, they went to someone much better, someone who would be quick to punish the lying snake. Lila’s own mother, Martha Rossi.

Martha Rossi was quite different from her daughter, sure the lady was a bit dizzy but considering the amount of work she got from the embassy, it was understandable. Martha was strict though and scary when angry, which became very apparent when she stormed into the school the day that the class sent her an email which contained every lie, threat and blackmailing that the snake had done since she arrived in Paris with evidence of course.

You could hear the women yells from their classroom. Everyone just carried on with their work like it was nothing while Miss Bustier and Lila looked confused. The best part was when Martha Rossi came storming into the class, yelling angrily at her daughter in Italian, Lila got progressively paler at every word while Miss Bustier tried to calm the mother down but Martha was not having it as she just told Miss Bustier simply in a stone-cold tone, “I don’t want to hear anything from the teacher who would believe a child’s word without checking for proper evidence or even fact-checking with their parents”.

Martha then demands Lila to grab her bags because they were going home so that they could have a long chat but before she left, she thanked the class for bringing this to her attention while their school didn’t and that she was sorry for the damage that her daughter had done, promising to fix what she could to the best of her ability. Marinette was quick to thank the women on behalf of the class and made sure that Martha knew none of the class harboured any ill will against her for something that she never knew about.

From then on the class got better, fixing their friendships, apologising to Marinette for not trusting her and going so far as to bully her while they protected the actual villain, fixing the damage done to the ladyblog and them also getting a better teacher than Miss Bustier who was undergoing training courses on how to deal with bullies, liars and doing proper investigations when someone tells them that another student has done something horrible or against school policy. Their new teacher, in fact, was Mrs Mendeleiev who was quite happy with giving proper punishments to those who deserved it along with helping the actual victims.

Author's Note: Sorry that I haven't written in a while, I've had writer's block. Along with the fact that I have been getting black into anime more, meaning I haven't felt the inspiration to write more fanfiction for the miraculous fandom. I wrote this at like midnight so if there's any mistake, I will go back and fix them at a later date.

AO3 Wattpad

#ml fanfic #miraculous ladybug #ml salt fic #mild class salt #class redemption #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #platonic adrienette #alix kubdel #kim le chien #alix sugar #kim sugar #lila rossi #lila salt #lila exposed fic #lila exposed #lila's mother #ask #answered

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sokovian-imagines · 5 years

Text

Proper Family Child!Reader x Avengers

Warnings: None I think? Summary: After years of only theorizing about your past, you finally meet your mother. Word Count: 1595

A/N: Hi! It’s been a little while but here’s a request!

You never knew a lot about your past. You were put up for adoption around seven years old; you only remember bits and pieces. You remember a place called The Red Room, you remember people trying to train you for reasons you don't know, but one day, they just dumped you at an orphanage. You also remember a red-headed woman you believe to be your mother. You don't know why she gave you up, or if she even had a choice, but your past is behind you, and you'd rather just forget it.

You never really draw attention to yourself, you only have a few close friends, but not even they know about your past. Luckily, for you, a lovely couple decided to foster you until you get adopted or when you turn eighteen.

You walked down the crowded hall, keeping your head low and moving as quickly as you could.

"Y/N!" you heard someone call. You turned around and saw one of your closest friends, Alice.

Once you and Alice got to your locker, the hallway cleared out. "What's up with you? You're quiet, well, quieter than usual." Alice bumped your shoulder.

"It's nothing," you replied, stuffing books into your locker.

"Yeah, sure. Because when someone says nothing is bothering them, that actually means nothing is bothering them." Alice raised an eyebrow.

"It's just that guy Blake-" Alice interrupted you.

"What'd that dick do this time?" Alice made the agitation in her voice evident.

You sighed, "Nothing... Yet... He's just been getting to me lately. He always sees me watching the news and researching the Avengers, and says stuff like 'you can never be like them' and just douchey stuff like that."

"You don't need to be like an Avenger to be awesome!" Alice tried cheering you up.

"Yeah..." you smiled at her and went your separate ways to your classes.

You were in the back of the classroom, taking some notes. "Which Patriot leader organized the Boston Tea Party in 1773?" Mrs. Lekins asked.

"Samuel Adams... Samuel Adams..." you said in your head. Even if you knew the answer, there was no way you were going to say it out loud.

"Samuel Adams?" One kid responded.

"Correct!" Mrs. Lekins wrote it on the board.

"Yes!" you silently praised yourself.

"Attention students and teachers," A voice spoke through the intercom, "We have some visitors. They will be going from classroom to classroom. Please remain calm and in your seats. Thank you."

Whispers filled the room. Alice leaned over to you, "Who do you think it is?" She asked, and you shrugged.

The classroom door flung open, and a tall blonde man walked in, and immediately, everyone recognized him. Thor Odinson. "I am looking for a young lady-" Before Thor could finish every girl in the room raised their hands, except you. "Her name is Y/N (Y/L/N)," your eyes went wide as everyone else's looked at you.

"I think you got the wrong name. I'm no one special." you sunk lower in your seat. You hated the attention that was on you right now, especially from the God of Thunder.

"That is not true!" Thor strode towards you, "You are the daughter of Lady Natasha Romanoff!" Thor knelt in front of you. "My team and I have come to retrieve you,"

"Retrieve? What am I, a football?" you cocked an eyebrow.

Thor laughed, "You are most certainly not a football." He stood up and held a hand out, "So if you would follow me, I can take you to your mother." your eyes shot over to Alice who had a giant smile on her face.

"What are you waiting for? Go! And of course, you can come back for me." Alice chuckled.

You looked back at Thor, who was still holding his hand out, you looked at the people in your classroom. Your eyes drifted to Blake who's mouth was dropped open. You decided it was time to show him how special you really are.

You stood up, threw your bag over your shoulder, and took Thor's hand. "Excellent!" Thor walked out of the room, and you tried to keep up with the giant steps he took.

"I have obtained the girl," Thor seemed to talk through an earpiece.

"Obtained? Retrieved? Maybe I am a football..." you joked to yourself.

Thor led you out of the school where all the other Avengers were waiting. You knew all of them. Iron Man, Captain America, Hawkeye, Falcon, the twins Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, even the Winter Soldier! However, your eyes drifted to a woman; a woman with bright red hair and wearing all black. She seemed to get teary-eyed when she saw you. You couldn't place your finger on why she looked so familiar. Yes, she's Black Widow, but she just seemed more than an Avenger.

"Good job, Thor." Captain America said, "Hi," he smiled at you, "you're probably very confused right now, but we'll explain when we get back to the base if that's okay with you?" He's even as charming as you imagined. You nodded.

You looked behind you and saw all the students pressed up against the windows. The Avengers started walking towards the jumbo jet that was sitting in the grass.

You slowly started walking towards the jet, still in aw that you're going on a jet with the Avengers. THE Avengers! You walked into the jet and looked around. You saw Tony Stark talking to Clint Barton who was flying the jet, you saw Steve Rogers, Thor, Bucky Barnes, Bruce Banner, and Sam Wilson talking, then Wanda and Pietro Maximoff were talking, but you saw Natasha Romanoff just staring at you.

You awkwardly scratched your head and walked over to Steve Rogers. "Um... Mr. America-uh, I mean Rogers. Mr. Rogers?" you weren't sure what to call him, "Am I in trouble or?"

"No, no, no! You're not in trouble. I'll tell you why you're with us soon enough." He smiled; you nodded and walked away.

You took a seat on one of the chairs connected to the wall of the jet. You were fiddling with your sleeves until Natasha walked over and sat beside you. "Hey," she greeted, you smiled in response, "I know this is probably really confusing and scary, but I promise you're here for a reason." you nodded. "D-do, you know who I am?" Natasha asked.

"Yeah. You're Black Widow," you replied, but you knew that that's not what she was getting at.

She stared at you; her mouth opened like she was going to say something. "Yeah, I am..." It seemed like she was going to say something else, but decided against it. Natasha got up and walked over to where Tony and some of the others were talking.

After what felt like an eternity, the plane finally arrived at its destination.

You followed the superheroes out of the plane and into the building. Everyone was casually talking as they all headed in different directions while you stuck near Natasha as she led you through the building.

You two entered what looked like a conference room. You took a seat next to Natasha.

After a moment of silence, Natasha spoke. "I know this all must be incredibly overwhelming and confusing, but I just need you to trust me, okay?" you nodded, and she took a deep breath, "Your name is Zenaida Romanova. You were born in a training facility in Russia called the Red Room. You were trained there for around seven years before they deemed you no good enough and gave you away." Natasha looked to the floor and took another deep, shaky breath before continuing, "And I'm your mother," she looked up at you with teary eyes.

You breathed in through your nose, "I know,"

Natasha's eyes widened, "You know? How do you know?"

"Well, I always knew I was from Russia, hell, that was my first language before having to learn English. I always had terrible nightmares about this weird place; I never knew what it was. When I got older, I took an ancestry test, and my results came back with nothing. I had no history whatsoever. So, I connected some dots. I never really believed it, but it gave me some comfort in believing that I knew my backstory, even if it wasn't true, but it is, I guess, so..." you rambled.

Natasha chuckled, "You would make a great spy..." she mumbled. "Well, I just want you to know that it wasn't my choice to give you up. I fought so damn hard to try and keep you, but... They won anyway. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you while you were growing up,"

You smiled, "It's okay. You didn't have a choice plus, technically I am still growing, and you're here now,"

"You're okay with me being in your life now?" she hesitantly asked.

"Why wouldn't I? Even if you weren't my mom, you're Natasha Romanoff! The Black Widow! I mean, you're awesome!" you exclaimed, making your mom laugh.

"Come on," your mom grabbed your hand and led you out of the room.

You hurriedly walked down the halls until you came to a stop in what looked like a living room. All the Avengers were spread around the room.

"Everyone," Natasha got everyone's attention. "I'd like to introduce you all to my daughter, Y/N Zenaida Romanoff," everyone started cheering and clapping, happy to see you two reunited once again. You smiled at your mom as she pulled you into a big hug. You took in a deep breath as you enjoyed the feeling of having a proper family.

Requested by Anonymous: Hi could you please do a Natasha x daughter reader? Where the reader is Natasha's by red room experiment but discarded and put up for adoption when she isn't good enough for them? Then years later the Avengers visit the daughters school, but the daughter has become shy due to bullying so she's too scared to talk to Natasha please? I LOVE your work, child reader x Avengers is like my life lol

#avengers #avengers imagine #child!reader #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff imagine #steve rogers #steve rogers imagine #thor odinson #thor odinson imagine #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x daughter!reader #black widow imagine #captain america imagine

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pulpwriterx · 4 years

Text

RESURRECTION: CHAPTER 4- A GAME OF THRONES

Links to previous chapters

Chapter Three

Chapter Two

Chapter One

CHAPTER 5: A GAME OF THRONES

(Author’s Note: Not a crossover. Title based on an observation Ben Solo makes about Skywalkers and the Galaxy)

When Leia sat up with a start, freeing herself from a heavy white sheet, she knew Ben must be alive.

She walked into a huge celebration of victory that she was distracted from only by her thoughts of him.

It also became a celebration that the reports of the General’s death had been greatly exaggerated.

In the midst of all of it, Leia kept looking for Chewie.

When he picked her up in a big Wookiee bear hug, howling for joy, she knew she was really alive.

And she felt better knowing he was there with her.

“Ben did this, Chewie. I’m alive because Ben is alive. We have to find him?”

Chewie cocked his head to the side, questioningly.

“Why? Because I need to know what he’s up to.”

***

More than anyone else could be, Leia was sure that her son was up to something.

Leia heard Rey’s heartbreaking story about Ben’s passing, and the poor girl cried and cried in her arms.

She tried to tell Rey that if she was alive that meant Ben was, too, but Rey was adamant.

She had seen him die.

Most people thought Rey's story about Ben’s alleged passing was romantic.

Not Leia.

What was it that Arkanian pain in the ass Armitage Hux often said about her son?

Leia ruefully remembered.

The man originally known as Ben Solo is an amoral, charismatic merchant of dreams. If you want your dreams he will sell them to you. Or if you prefer your nightmares you can have those, too.

She had been trying, for the past decade and change, to remember the Ben she knew.

Ben had been a sweet, kind, funny, little boy.

He had a goofy smile, and a ready laugh and she really didn’t see where Han got that whole dark, ancient eyes thing.

He was quirky, and weird, but in an endearing way, and she found lovable in his gangly awkwardness.

But even as a child he had a dark side, all you had to do was ask the boys who bullied him, and they would tell you through pulped noses and broken teeth why they had stopped.

He had moods, and Leia suspected that Ben also had mystical visions.

But it was only when he reached his terrible teens that things began to go downhill.

Ben Solo had left the Jedi Temple, twice, to pursue his father’s vocation, and he had excelled at being a ruthless pirate.

The second time, he was suspended for breaking his vow of chastity, multiple times, with the equally black-hearted daughter of an Arkanian warlord.

Hux, her Force null cousin, had been sent to keep her out of trouble.

He failed.

At the meeting with his Master, Ben had listened to everything Luke said, and then replied?

“Well, Uncle Luke, you’d better kick me out, then, because after being a virgin for twenty years, all I want out of life is Hela Darkstar's gorgeous ginger cunt. You can’t convince me that hokey religions and ancient weapons are better than fucking. Nothing is better than fucking. Except maybe crushing your enemies, having them driven before you, and hearing the lamentations of their kinsmen. Can I go back to space, now?”

Han was so proud.

Leia had been appalled.

After he had dismissed Ben, Han and Luke had laughed over what Ben had said for about fifteen minutes, but Leia didn’t see the humor in it, or the fact that Ben was going back to Anchorhead with his father as soon as Han could stop expressing his relief that Ben had finally got a girlfriend.

At the time, she had though that a pirate’s life was the worst thing that could happen to him, and she made Han send him back to Luke after Ben’s suspension was over.

The third time was the charm on that one.

In hindsight, it would have been better to let him go back to space with his father, and stay there.

But Ben had that option.

After Luke had tried to behead him, Ben could have left, found his father, went back to space and never had anything to do with the Jedi, or the Sith, again.

But, and unlike his Uncle, Ben wanted to play the game of thrones with his mother.

She was willing to make a place for him in the governing of the Galaxy, in time, and with maturity, but Ben Solo didn’t want to wait for his piece of pie.

So he became Kylo Ren, and threw in his lot with the Sith.

That was only his first move.

And killing Snoke was his third.

Leia believed that Ben really was in love with Rey, but it was awfully expedient for his purposes for that to have happened.

That was his second move.

But a funny thing happened as he shed Kylo Ren, the mask Ben Solo wore, on his way to become Ben Solo, Hero of the Resistance.

To kill the badguys, win the day, and get the girl.

He died.

But that was only a temporary setback for a Skywalker.

Skywalkers had many death and many births, and lived many lives, in-between.

Ben’s hunger for his victory, and the spoils of it, and for Rey were intense enough to bring him back from the other side, and her with him.

That meant his power was growing; that he was almost as strong in the Force as she was.

No, it wasn't romantic.

How had Ben managed to court Rey, and win her love when they were enemies, and all their encounters ended just short of murder?

It was something, the bond between Rey Palpatine and Ben Solo, but romantic wasn’t the word that came to Leia’s mind.

Terrifying was more like it.

She knew that Ben would come for Rey, and now that the man she loved was Ben Solo and not Kylo Ren, Rey would welcome him with open arms.

Leia was glad that Ben had returned to the light, and that he was alive, but she was still worried.

Hela Darkstar seemed to be out of the picture, but Leia had thought that in the past.

Ben was more sentimental about his women than his father had been; Hela was bound to take a part in Ben’s story again, sometime.

That and Leia knew that Kylo Ren was the mask that Ben Solo wore, and she suspected that Ren had been a means to the end of becoming the Galactic hero Ben Solo now was.

Galactic heroes often end up becoming galactic rulers.

Leia found would be happy going back to the Solo empire on the Outer Rim, to be a Pirate King.

It was, she knew, the best thing for him, and not the worst.

Still she remembered what he had said to her on the remains of the Death Star, as he thought he lay dying.

Don’t think I’m going anywhere, General. I know the game we play in this Galaxy. It’s all a game of thrones. And if you’re not a Skywalker? You don’t get to sit on the throne.

And as for Rey?

Leia could have told her about all the things she was going to discover, good and bad, if she went off with Ben.

But when she had been about Rey's age and Han had been about Ben’s age?

Leia knew she wouldn’t have listened, either.

That night, Leia’s rival had heralded his arrival with the presence in the infirmary of a 5 man squad suffering from various scrapes, contusions, scratches, shiners, fat lips, bloody noses and even a nasty human bite.

They had snuck up on a really big guy while he was pissing on a rock in a deep cave on Exegol. A man the size and breadth of a short Wookiee, and he must have thought they were attacking him, because he fought back so fiercely they let him have an X-Wing.

These were compounded by reports of a barefoot naked man in a blast helmet wandering around camp, looking for something.

What did that mean?

That Ben was back in the game and he didn’t need a weapon, or even pants, t play it?

The last report came from Finn and Poe, who burst in to the command tent without knocking.

“General! There’s some man in Rey's tent and he’s assaulting her like a raging Wookiee! You can hear her screaming all over the place! And he won’t let me save her!” Finn told her

“She doesn’t need saving! He’s full of shit, General. Finn's just jealous because it’s not him in Rey’s tent. Did you know Ben was with Rey?”

“My son, Ben? How do you know it’s him?”

“I recognize his voice. We, uh, I worked with him and Han. Before the war.”

“That guy is still a fucking animal! You wouldn’t believe the stuff he's screaming at the top of his lungs! I think we should check on Rey, General. Make sure she’s OK.” Finn insisted.

“Yes, I would believe it. Alright, Finn. If you really think Rey is in trouble? We'll go find out.”

It was just conceivable that Finn might be right, and Poe might be wrong.

Call him Kylo or call him Ben, Leia suspected that to get what he wanted, her ruthless pirate son was capable of goddamn anything.

Rey was the brightest light in the Galaxy, the only Jedi of her generation.

Claiming her just might be Ben’s next move.

***

Ben just laughed, and turned his head, sparing his mother having to see the face he made when he shot his wad.

Deeply embarrassed, Leia slammed the door shut and locked it.

Ben was still laughing.

It made her think of a time when Ben was about seven or eight, and Han hadn’t locked their bedroom door, and Ben had walked in without knocking.

And caught them in the act.

“DAD! This is so gross! Cantcha take Mom someplace else to do that? I live here!”

“So do we, kid! Get out of this room and lock that door, Ben! You know you’re not allowed to just walk in here without knocking!”

“It’s still gross.” Ben said, and left.

Locking the door before he shut it.

Han had neither been ashamed or missed a stroke.

And he saw no reason for them to stop, either.

Ben had just put the radio on, and later, when Leia was too deeply embarrassed to breathe, Han had put his pants on and gone out and made Ben’s lunch.

“Dad, did you do something weird to Mom? How come she’s hiding in your bedroom?”

“Most people get embarrassed about shit like that, kiddo.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Eat your lunch.”

It didn’t bother either of them.

Born without shame.

For the first time since she had realised he was alive, no, for the first time in a decade and change, Leia began to think of Ben as her son, only.

Not an opponent, or a rival.

Not as an enemy, or a symbol.

As her son, Ben.

He knew she would be embarrassed, so even though he thought it was funny, he turned his head and laughed.

What am I going to do with him? How can I just be his mother, now? All those scars, holy mother Force, what did they do to him?

Is there anything left of the boy I knew, in that man I just saw?

“Is she OK?” Poe demanded.

“What about the raging Wookiee?” Finn demanded.

Leia smacked their heads together.

“Idiots! Do you think I wanted to see that? Do you think I raised a rapist? An animal? A monster? Rey is fine. She looked very happy. It’s just that she has a boyfriend, Finn, and it’s not you.” Leia snapped

“Rey has two boyfriends, and neither of them are me.” Finn said.

“Yeah, but I know Ben. He won’t care about me. You? He’d cut your head off.” Poe explained

“I talked to him. It was definitely Ben Solo. He didn’t threaten to cut my head off.” Finn said.

“Because he probably figures it’s me, not you. Rey’s into flyboys. What can I say? Was it really Ben, General?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, Poe, but yes. It was. He wasn’t embarrassed, because Ben has no shame. Solo family trait. But I am very embarrassed. So, from now on? You boys just mind your own business.”

The General began to walk away.

“That makes sense. If Rey is Ben’s girl, that's why he killed Snoke and they killed all his guards.” Poe said

“But Rey killed Kylo Ren.” Finn added

“Rey killed Palpatine. Ben probably killed all the Knights of Ren to get to Kylo Ren, and killed him to avenge Han.” Poe explained

“He told me the Sith held him in detention for three years and tried to break him.” Finn expanded

“That was a mistake. You cross Ben Solo? You die.” Poe reminded Finn.

Rey’s door opened.

She shut it.

Leia turned around.

She was frozen to the spot

“Ben, put these on.”

“I don’t want to wear those, I hate underwear!”

“Just put them on. To go out. You’re naked!”

“Okay, okay.”

The door opened and Ben stepped out.

He looked like he’d just made the Kessel Run on foot.

He brushed his sweaty hair out of his face.

Poe started applauding him, and Ben grinned.

“She made me work for it.” He said.

“Always does.” Poe agreed.

“Oh, so it’s you. That’s OK, Poe. Because I know you. So tell me, Tiesdays and Thursdays only, right?”

“Right, Ben. You think I want to die?”

“I know you don’t. This way, we’re keeping it in the family. But any of these other guys? We kill him.”

“Immediately.

Poe and Ben both laughed.

Ben sat by Rey’s campfire, and started poking the embers with a stick.

“What, Mom? I’m beat. I have to get some sleep.”

What Mom.

That was all he had to say?

The last time she had seen her son in person he was a boy of 23, still a little soft around the edges

Now he was a grown man, 35 years old, hard, and scarred, the tough guy his father had always wanted him to be.

But he still had her little Ben’s sweet, goofy smile.

And after all these years?

What, Mom?

“Can you try to be a little quieter, in there?”

“Sorry. I got carried away in the moment.”

Ben poked the fire.

He looked at his feet.

Then he looked up at his mother, again.

“Well, here I am. I came home. Like you wanted. Now what?” he asked.

“There’s so many things I want to say to you, Ben. Is that all you have to say to me? Here you are? Now what?” Leia demanded.

“I did a pretty good job, didn’t I? I mean, it’s over now. Maybe too many people got killed. And I killed too many of them. But I ended it. If I didn’t do what I did, , it never would have ended. Somebody had to do it. That somebody could only have been me.” Ben said.

“Ben, I don’t want to talk about religion and politics. What are you going to do with your life, now? Are you OK? Really OK?”

“I think I’ll be OK. With time. And I’m just going to go back to work. I still have the ship. And the place in Anchorhead. I’ve got money stashed. I’ll be fine, Mom. Really.”

He seemed like he really needed to hear her praise him.

“The Galaxy owes you and Rey a great debt. You did a pretty good job, Ben. But this isn’t all is forgiven and everything is fine. It can’t be.”

“I am not going back to jail. You might as well just kill me.”

“I said this wasn’t about politics. In the morning? We need to talk. And none of your bullshit stories, or I will pull the truth out of your head. I’ll be back at 9. Have clothes on.”

“Okay. Can I go lie down before I fall down?”

“You had better. I'll see you in the morning, Benjamin.”

***

Morning broke.

Ben snored.

Rey woke up.

Ben rolled over.

And snored.

“Ben. Wake up. Your mother will be here, soon. She was very sick.”

“Bullshit. Skywalkers don’t die. He'll be back too. Many deaths, many lives. Skywalkers come back.”

“What?”

Ben sat up.

“She fooled you, huh? It’s alright. She fools everybody. I know better. My mother is the most powerful living Force sensitive being in the Galaxy. I have only begun to sense the contours of the universes that she commands. It’s a game, Rey. A game of thrones. And if you’re not a Skywalker? You don’t get to sit on the throne. But I’m not ready to be the King. Let her have the Galaxy. For now. That’s what she wants to know about. And if I were her? I’d be worried about me, too.”

“But Ben, the General is your mother.”

“Yeah. But did she hug me? Did she cry? I had to drag it out of her to say I did a good thing for the Galaxy. She doesn’t trust me. She can’t. She’s not my Mom, anymore. I’ll always be the enemy to her.”

Ben’s voice quavered.

He stood up, stretched, and sat on the stool she had made to put his socks on.

Rey noticed his left ankle was bruised and his foot was swollen up.

“Ah, shit. Sprained my ankle. That’s why it hurt to walk on it. Probably when those guys were chasing me. Now I can’t even escape before she gets here.”

Then he put one boot, and the coveralls.

“I like the beard, Ben.” Rey told him.

It was a lame thing to say, but she couldn’t think of anything else.

“Disguise.” he replied.

“You have to give your mother time, Ben. It took me years to allow myself to love you. And to trust you. And I still almost killed you when you crushed the Sith wayfinder.”

“That didn’t go the way I pictured it. I thought you’d fall into my arms when I told you the only way you were going to Exegol was with me.”

“Well, maybe you’re wrong about your mother, too. Maybe she didn’t want to hug you because you were all sweaty and covered in come and squirt.”

Rey had insisted they wash up in the stream before getting back into her bed.

That made Ben laugh.

At 9, his mother and Chewbacca both came to Rey’s tent.

Ben was sitting on one of the stools Rey had made.

When Chewbacca walked in Rey sensed an emotion in Ben she didn’t think he had.

Shame.

Ben bowed his head, and rounded his shoulders, making himself look smaller.

He made a mournful sound that Rey didn’t think could have come from a human throat.

Chewbacca chastised him, angrily.

Ben made the same mournful sound.

Chewie was so sad and so angry that Rey couldn’t even understand him.

Finally she understood Chewbacca ordering “Kallaurra” to lift up his head.

Ben was crying.

Real tears.

“I’m sorry. I can live with everything else I did. But not what I did to the Old Man. It’s horrible. Worse than just killing him. I’m not even sure if he’s alive or dead. He might not be dead, Chewie. At least I don’t think he is.”

“Your father, Ben?” Leia asked.

Leia had been up all night.

Crying because she had her son back.

Crying because Han was gone.

“Ben, I've seen his ghost.” Leia told Ben.

“Me too. But I, uh, I pushed his spirit out of his body. So he wouldn’t have to stay frozen.”

“What? Benjamin Skywalker Organa Solo, what did you do to your father?” Leia insisted.

“We had a different fight, before the fight Chewie saw. The Old Man punched me in the face, and I hit him and long story short, I almost didn’t give him the blast vest. But I knew I had to give the Hutts something. Then again, it’s not like I wanted him to suffer. I used the Force to push his spirit out, so when he fell into the freezing chamber, he wouldn’t be trapped. It’s still connected. Once he’s out of hibernation, body and spirit will be reunited. I think. I’m pretty sure. I did it to myself, a couple times, when I was in too much pain to take it, and I’m still here.”

Leia interrupted Ben.

“I’m sorry, you did what? Is this something the Sith taught you?”

“No. I figured it out myself. While I was doing my Sith training, which is pretty much torture in solitary confinement. I got hurt pretty bad during training. All of us did. The pain drove some of us mad, and some of us just died. But I figured out how to use the Force to push my spirit out of my body. If the pain was too bad, or if I was too sick? I’d just leave for awhile. You can pretty much go anywhere you want. Me, I used to like to go to forests. Or deserts. I went to Hoth a few times. Quiet places where there were no people. So I did the same thing to the Old Man. Pushed his spirit out of his body. He should be fine. I always am.”

Leia looked at Rey.

There were tears in her eyes, too.

But she quickly got angry when Ben finished explaining himself.

“Anyway, that chasm the Old Man fell into on Starkiller Base? It was a huge carbonite freezing chamber. Before I delivered him to Jobi, I checked the slab. He’s alive. Or he was, then. Right now, he’s hanging on Jobi the Hutt's wall. At Jabba’s old palace on Tattoine. At least he’s been completely safe for the whole war.”

“You ruthless little pirate bastard! What did you owe the Hutts?”

Leia slapped Ben.

Chewie sat down heavily, opposite him.

He muttered something.

“Rathtars? What rathtars? Chewie, you and Han were selling rathtars to the Hutt syndicate? Were you insane?”

“They were my rathtars. It’s your fault, Mom. When you sent Dad to Starkiller Base, he was supposed to be delivering my rathtars to Jobi. The Hutt wanted both of us on his wall after the Old Man didn’t deliver his product. And I couldn't give Jobi the money back, because I already invested it in some product he was selling me that I already had buyers for. That and I owed him for the rathtars. But he made me a real sweetheart deal to get Captain Solo back on the family wall. I really didn’t have a choice.

“You were still in business, Ben? The whole time?”

“Everybody was, Mom. What was I supposed to do, quit? You already gave Dad the boot and what were he and Chewie gonna do? Starve? Were we all supposed to miss the opportunity to get rich off another Galactic War? I gave the Old Man a Captain’s Medal, and he stayed on the Outer Rim. He was safe, we made money. People got to have booze, cigarillos, coffee and rubbers so they could have a little fun during this war, because I brought them in. So don’t say Ben Solo didn’t help the war effort. Everything worked out until you decided my Daddy needed to come and bring me home because I had been a bad boy.”

Leia slapped him, again.

This time, Ben fell off the stool.

“Shit, Mom, quit hitting me! My balance is off, I sprained my ankle.”

Leia forgot about everything else she was going to ask him.

“You’re hurt, Ben?”

“It’s fine. I fixed it, before. When I first put by boot on, last night. It’ll heal. No doctors. Mom. No needles. No bacta tank. I can’t do any of that. If I get sick enough, ever to need needles and medical droids and bacta tanks? They’ll have to keep me unconscious the whole time. You don’t want to know, and telling you about it would break my mind. No. No fucking doctors.”

Ben’s voice raised in pitch and in volume

He looked scared.

He was terrified.

Without thinking, she reached for his hand, and her mind was assaulted by a barrage of terrifying images from his memory.

She could hear his screams.

Ben tried to pull his hand away.

But Leia pulled him into her arms.

“It’s alright, Ben. You’ve carried this pain long enough. I’m your mother. I can bear some of it, for you. Now I understand. I understand.”

Ben hugged his mother back, and started to cry.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I’m really sorry.” he sobbed.

“You’re still my son, Ben. And I love you. And I’m so glad you finally came home.”

Ben cried for a long time.

***

“Ben, let me see your ankle.” Leia demanded.

Ben stuck his foot out.

“It looks really bad. I can’t stand on it, today.” he admitted.

“It does. If this isn’t set right, Ben, you'll be limping all the time. How about one doctor. An old lady, like me. No droids, no bacta tanks, no needles. No exam room. I’ll bring her here, to Rey's tent. You don’t want to limp for the rest of your life, do you?”

“No. I’ll try.” Ben agreed.

Leia went to get the doctor.

“Fucking ankle! What about the Old Man? I fixed up a place for all of us to lay low, but I can’t go now, Chewie. I can’t walk.”

Chewie told Ben that they needed to make a plan, anyway, and they'd wait to rescue Han until he was healed.

Rey laughed.

“What’s so funny?” Ben asked.

“If Han survived, he'll be so proud of you. You’re a real pirate, Ben. You sold your own father to settle a debt and get a load of swag from the Hutt Syndicate.”

They all laughed at that.

***

The doctor wanted to see Ben, alone.

Chewie knew how afraid he was, and refused to leave him.

The doctor came out, after she was done, to talk to Rey and Leia.

They waited for the doctor.

“Your son is a powerful man. Without the use of the Force. With brute force, he could have crushed me with one hand. He’s almost the size of Chewbacca! A rescue party made the mistakes of approaching him in a way that looked like an attack, and I treated five people for minor injuries they sustained. With no weapons. And he was terrified of me. Terrified.”

The Twi’Lek doctor sighed.

“When they held him captive, Leia, the First Order tortured your son. I don’t…well, the ankle, first. The ankle isn’t broken. It's badly sprained. He tied two sticks to it with a rag, shoved his foot in the boot, laced it up tight and walked on it. I’m not surprised. He’s tough. He had to be. There are scars on his ribs, on both sides, he’s broken every one. And the scar on his collarbone tells me that someone stapled it together. The scars around the stitches are ragged. They held him down, stapled his collarbone together and sewed his muscle and skin shut with no anasthesia. Then they probably let him lie, and after it festered, shut him up in a bacta tank. He’s also broken his elbow. And there’s a scar. It starts on his right hip, crosses over, wraps around his leg, and ends just above his knee. It’s from a torture droid. Your son is a strong man, mentally, that he could survive.”

“What about his ankle, doctor?” Rey asked.

She didn’t want to hear any more of the other things.

“Ben needs to wear a brace for a month, and limit his walking for about two weeks. Keep his foot elevated. Use a crutch or a cane. I told him. He didn’t like it, but I told him listen to me, or limp forever. Does Ben have somewhere to go? Someone to take care of him?”

“He does. And I don’t mind. If he can fly? We can leave, as soon as he gets something to eat.” Rey volunteered.

Ben came out of the tent, hopping on one leg.

“I’m not using that crutch. It’s undignified.”

“Ben, if you were worried about your dignity, you should have conducted your personal business a little more quietly last night. Or come to this camp with pants on.” Leia suggested.

“All that added to my legend. This crutch makes me look weak.”

Rey ran into the tent, rummaging around, and then came out.

“Here, Ben. I found it in a wreck in the woods. I restored it and used it when I twisted my ankle, even though it was too tall for me. The bottom part is real wood. Some kind of dark wood, it’s not painted. That top part is a geode.”

Rey handed Ben the cane.

“This is better. I’m going home, Mom. To the Outer Rim, to Tattoine. I have a place out in the hinterlands to hide. Tell me when it’s safe for me to go back to Anchorhead and be Ben Solo again.”

“Rey, you know Ben Solo makes his home in Anchorhead because he’s a smuggler and a pirate, don’t you?’’

“Honestly, Master Leia? I’ve always had a problem with flyboys. I don’t mind at all.”

“Be careful, Rey. My son, here? He’s a whole bunch of guys. One for every occasion.”

Rey waited for Ben to deny it.

But, he didn’t.

“Add one more, Mom. Ben Skywalker. I am a Skywalker, after all. Ben Skywalker, and his lovely wife. Just two nice kids without a lot of money, trying to get by.”

“Rey Skywalker? Master, Leia, can I can be Rey Skywalker?”

“Yes, Rey. Welcome to the Skywalker-Solo family. I’m very sorry for you.” Leia replied.

She hugged Rey, and then hugged Ben again.

“Don’t make waves, kid. I need to think about what I’m going to do about this Ben Solo and Kylo Ren problem. Do you have anything to prove you killed him?”

“I brought his broken mask and his gloves to Exegol with me. They’re still in that cave. Why do you think I fought so hard?”

“What about his lightsaber?” Leia asked.

“Threw it away. This is Uncle Luke’s. I’m going to make another one. I liked the crossbar, but I’ll make the beam a different color.”

“Good idea. Lay low, and don’t worry about your father. Chewie and I will figure something out.”

***

“Luke, I need you to do me a favor.”

The Jedi Master’s Force ghost sat down beside his sister.

“I don’t think I need the Force to predict what you’re about to say.” he replied.

#reylo #ben solo lives #ben solo #kylo redemption #kylo ren #star wars fanfiction #star wars the rise of skywalker #post tros #rey

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velvyy · 4 years

Note

Hey, Rad... Alex... Alexlememe? I know that's the name you used to go by and I know you've kinda disconnected yourself from Viv's fanbase after ZP ended, and I remember your memes and such but I kinda just wanted to get your take on the Hazbin drama since you reblogged the headcanon blog's post on the subject. More or less regarding the issue of her being uncharitable to fans and non-fans alike, plus that one callout post on twitter?

So this is weird. I wasn’t expecting to get asks on the subject since like you said, I’ve generally been disconnected from the fanbase aside from the few reblogs here and there retaining to Hazbin and its more recent developments. But yeah I guess I could give my take on this since I mean.. old fans still follow me. Idk why, but they do!So, really. In regards to that callout post (which is now deleted) I really, really don’t care that much. For one thing, Initially I did because I really hated to see someone be slandered so viciously with inaccurate and uncharitable attacks, but I kinda just stopped because even when I linked the addresses from both Viv, and the Ken dude regarding all the drama mentioned, it was either ignored and resulting in me being called a “pedo sympathizer” or “It wasn’t even an apologyyyyy weh” and like, whatever. I stopped giving a shit.

Terms of the traced animation thing... Lol, ok. I mean homages do exist, and her animation thingy was based on a meme so whatevs.

Anyways,I knew from the very start that the whole “tracing” and “stealing designs” stuff was nonsense since there was an entire like, tumblr drama arc on the issue, and albeit Viv’s post is gone, there’s evidence of legal contracts regarding Jiji and that whole nonsense that was years ago. In regards to her drawing pictures of Blaire White and Shoe… Eh. I mean, yeah, fuck em, but she’s made it clear that she doesn’t support those views anymore, and she wasn’t even really aware of the other things they’d done at that point, and I see no real reason not to believe her because what does lying about that gain her? Yeah her comment on the “blackface” thing if you wanna call it that was dumb as shit, but considering 2016 was a rough year for her in terms of trying to find where she fell in the political sphere, I can relate because I was in the same boat. A lot of sjw cringe comps, shaming feminists, and purposely misgendering transpeople… Not a good time for me either! Course I’ve changed. I went from being a reactionary alt-centrist to an anarchist so. Whether that’s an improvement is up to you.

As for the whole pedo/zoo shit, I really don’t see it. I mean like, look, obviously porn art portraying people fucking feral animals is disgusting right. Not saying it isn’t problematic or anything, but to be fair, she did draw this shit like 8 years ago. I’ve seen worse from even more well-established artists and I don’t see people trying to cancel them? Also, the art was suggestive for one thing and not necessarily 100% porn. I mean it’s still creepy and gross, and I’d understand scolding them if they continued to do so but a lot worse, but I haven’t seen anything like that from Viv past those 2 drawings. As for the pedo shit… The relationship between a 17 year old and a 19 year old is… hardly creepy and reminiscent of pedo shit. So yeah no fuck that. Now with the drawing of Mirage and Kestrel and the tag that said something jokingly like “Mirage and her pedo tendencies” or whatever… Yeah idk, I can’t defend that lmfao. Again, Viv said she disapproves of those drawings and doesn’t care to think about them, but that one piece of artwork definitely had some baggage to it that made me feel uncomfortable after reading the tags.Only issue I took in terms of her addressing that, is that she was very adamant about it being an inside joke… Which if that’s true, you must’ve had some fucked up friends like damn.

I would also like to state that cub art is legitimately disgusting and I am of the belief that it can cause harm depending on the context since I assume the consumption of cub art can reinforce the urge for pedophiles to act on their desires instead of finding healthy coping mechanisms for it through therapy. There have been stories from younger users on the internet that older people have tried to groom them and have the notion of pedos preying on them be normalized by sending them art depicting kids in sexual acts with adults. Of course in isolation cub art isn’t as harmful as the actual act of raping a child, and I would argue that people have their priorities kind of messed up since the illustration being acknowledged should be part of combating pedophiles preying on children. However, people, typically twitter wokescolds tend to focus on the art solely and I don’t know why. There’s a lot of MAPS trying to find their way into LGBT spaces and it’s fucking gross.

Now with Hazbin itself… It’s meh. Initially I watched it with rose-tinted glasses and loved it. After watching it for like… the 3rd, 4th, 5th time? It’s alright. I don’t hate it, but it’s far from perfect. Now ofc I know it’s a pilot but a very lengthy pilot I’ll say. My biggest gripe with the pilot is that the editing is really fucking weird. Like the editing where Angel tells Alastor “I can suck yah dick!” and the scene that followed was really off. It seemed like too many cuts were made in that instance and seemed very cluttered. It also feels that way during Charlie singing “Inside Every Demon is a Rainbow” and how many little animated bits were like almost wiped off the screen by how fast it came by, and ntm there was just so much happening all at once on screen as well. I had to pause at points just to process everything that was happening. The palette is also very, very, verrrry red. There’s so much red going on and like… I get it, it’s in hell. But lemme rest my eyes on something else besides red, please. The palette they use needs to be better diversified, and the same goes for the characters too. Every character seems to have red on them. Whenever Baxter shows up later he’s gonna look really out of place. Some of the jokes were ok, and others seemed non-clever. I didn’t think Angel’s joke about sucking Al’s dick was funny. I did like the joke with Pentious and Angel though. “SON??” Some of it could’ve been written better too.

Regarding the drama with the show itself… Personally I don’t get it. Like, I don’t feel as if Angel is homophobic as a character since his queerness isn’t at the face of the jokes he makes? He just happens to be sex worker which… sex workers are fine? Support sex workers y’all, seriously. There’s also nothing intrinsically wrong with being sexually active either? As long as it’s within reason and you’re being trustworthy.The issue lies in the fact that people viewed the things I just mentioned as negative, and associate it with gay people as said negatively portrayed thing to push the sentiment of “Gay man do sex a lot therefore the gays bad” or that sort of thing. Also there’s a bit where it shows there’s more emotional depth to him and I’m hoping they’ll expand on that later. Honestly though, the criticisms in regards to that have been pretty uncharitable. Same with the criticisms for Vaggie. Apparently Vaggie is racist because… she’s loud and angry? Again, this is a case where people assume those traits are negative, and because it’s assumed to be negative, the negatively portrayed thing pushes the sentiment of “Being a loud fiery woman made, and latina women are that, therefore latina women bad” or some shit. There are stereotypes that are bad no matter what the context is like sambo-esque caricatures of black people. Then there are tropes that are applied to certain demographics that have the capability to be written well into characters without it being offensive or disrespectful. Vaggie is literally angry because she’s protective of her gf. Like. C’mon.

So, I think that settles what I think about that? It honestly seems like superficial shit to me tbh, and I’m saying this as an sjw-y beta cuck anarchist.

The only REAL gripe I have, is with what the mod from @zpheadcanons posted. Because I know this is probably true as much as it hurts me to say it. Faust def has a history of being pretty petty and bully-like to people she deems undesirable, and Viv harbors it by not criticizing it, and if anyone else within their friend group does it then you’re scolded vehemently and treated like garbage. Her attitude also stretches to harboring an audience full of white knights that I personally don’t approve of.

There’s also this

Faust has hurt distant people I personally know and… yeah. Maybe I’m biased but I can’t vibe with that. Sorry. If you don’t make an effort to criticize abusive behavior within your own friend circles then that makes you just as bad, because then you’re just a bystander to things you could have prevented.

This isn’t to say Viv herself hasn’t dealt with bad faith actors, or people who had the intention to hurt her, or very uncharitable criticism. Particularly from the badwebcomics forums which is honestly 4chan like in how they operate. It’s vicious as hell, and a lot of their criticisms boil down to insults and personal attacks, which serve to be nonconstructive. That’s not to say Viv has been kind to even the more charitable criticism though. I know because when I happened to send an ask to the zoophobia criticism blog (where did it go???) regarding something relatively minor and superficial, she blocked me from her blog. I’m still blocked lmfao. I’m not blocked on twitter though! (not yet anyways). Faust has me blocked there though, and I have no idea why. She’s had me blocked for years even though I haven’t spoken out against her till recently. So, there’s that.

As for her apology itself, I feel like it was fine. I think it could’ve been worded better? The take I disagree with in terms of that is like… If I made a mistake in the past, and I make it clear that I don’t care for what I did, I don’t feel as if me explaining why I felt compelled to do certain things negate me from still not caring for my past actions? That’s just me providing context. That’s a really weird take, but I guess that could be viewed as an excuse idk. Personally I think people are holding the bar super high to a state of irrationality.

*sigh* So yeah there’s that. I miss the old days where honestly I could be ignorant about this, but at the same time I look at my old obsessive posts and I kinda just… cringe. I was such an irrational stan I almost hate myself for it. Fuck XD

Edit: I’d also like to point out that I’m not saying Viv or Faust are totally awful or totally good people, and I know they’re capable of being better. It’s a matter of whether or not they wanna be better.

#vivziepop #hazbin hotel

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lovecaitlined · 5 years

Text

Serenade~🎵🎶 Xiaojun: The Musician (Xiaojun Boyfriend!AU)

Warning: Soft then serious then emotionally intense and then happy again. (｡♥‿♥｡)

Xiao De Jun is such a beautiful, musical soul~

The thing about Xiaojun is that. Well. He’s beautiful.

His thick dark eyebrows. His ruffled black hair. His carefully chiseled face.

He’s a walking masterpiece, for the love of God, but does that boy know it?

Xiaojun is smöl and tiny and sweet and quiet despite his fiercely handsome looks.

And yet. You know how passionate he is.

He had a dream, and he did everything he could to achieve it.

Whether it was acting, singing, dancing..Xiaojun could do it all.

It wasn’t easy though, that’s for sure.

And it wasn’t just the late nights. Xiaojun was hardworking and talented, those were hard, but they weren’t that bad.

It was the memories of those people, all those people, who told him he couldn’t make it. Called him horrible words. Called him a Mama’s boy. And, worst, called his father a woman for what he so loved to do the most.

And yet, amidst those horrid memories, Xiaojun stood strong.

He’s such a lovely person.

There’s such a vulnerability in his eyes now though, a pain he only trusts you with.

And yet. He’s so happy and cheerful and crazy at the same time?

Like. When you visited his room. For the very first time.

Not his dorm room, his room back in his old house in Guangdong...

It’s neat and clean and peppered all over with movie posters and CDs. Classics and blockbusters and dramas, you name it, he’s got it.

And all his records...

He’s embarrassed at showing you his geeky, fanboy side. Yeah, he’s not really the troubled hurt boy some people make him out to be. He’s more than that. He’s beautiful and emotional and musical and just so artistic.

And you love him for it. And you tell him so.

And he tells you he loves you for loving it. 💖

He’s your happy melancholy boy, and that’s okay, because you’re always going to be there for him.

Aside from being sweetly geeky, though...

He’s totally that type of guy who would grin at you from across the room.

Not even a full smile. More of an upturned side of his pretty little mouth. A cute lil smirk.

Yet for someone who’s crazily confident, he’s also such a shy and soft baby~

He would totally walk you everywhere you go. Not in a bad way. More like he just wants to spend more time with you way.

Hands in pockets, very preppy sweater or extremely casual T-shirt rippling over his thin yet muscled body. Xiaojun would walk with you and talk to you about anything. Whispering sweet nothings. Remarks about the weather. The noodles he had for lunch. The hot pot place he’s been dying to take you to. His latest album. And the song he’s been writing.

“You’re writing a new song?”

“Yes, with my guitar. But I haven’t finished yet.”

You take out your pinky. “Pinky swear. Promise me you’ll play it for me when it’s done?”

Xiaojun smiles that cheeky smile. And he holds up his pinky, too, and locks it with yours. “Pinky swear. I really promise, I do.”

Xiaojun is really that type of quiet boy who makes you feel at ease.

And honestly, you love that about him.

And no, don’t get it wrong, you don’t romanticize the sht out of everything he’s been through—the years of practice, the passion for music, the bullying and trauma—all for you to see him as some beautiful brooding boy.

Again, he’s more than that.

And you absolutely hate it when people do the same.

Dejun has done everything; he’s so sweet, he so deserves where he is right now~

He’s the type to tell you about how one time after being away for so long, he and his friends planned to surprise his mom, and he cornered her while she was entering her car one dark and chilly night in Guangdong and how she laughed and smiled so much, and how her hug was the warmest thing he’d ever had—

—or the time he told you how he walked past his bullies, turned the other cheek; the way he and his brother stood up for their father when people threw ugly words like f*g at him, and how his dad always accepted him as the musical child and always encouraged him to follow his dreams despite not being the ideal Chinese son, and the love he felt right then and there...

Xiaojun may be musical and beautiful and quiet and brooding but that’s what makes him your Dejun, your sweet and sentimental boy.

Sometimes you can’t help but be sad about how he’s away so much during tour and promo season, but he’s totally the type to video call you almost every night—

At first you try to always apply some foundation and lipstick to look your best for him, but he sees your pajamas and asks why you haven’t washed your face yet so late in the night.

And you’re hesitant to tell him; embarrassed, even—

But he’s adamant and you confess.

And he goes super serious, he’s all, “You’re beautiful with or without makeup. You’re always beautiful in my eyes. You’re always going to be the love of my life to me...”

And you both cringe at how cheesy that was, and he apologizes but lets you know how much you mean to him, anyway, and you tell him you love him too—

What you don’t tell him is how secretly squeal-y you got inside when he told you that. You would never admit that. But, well...

Happiness was breaking over you like a wave. It almost frightened you.

He’s so beautiful yet vulnerable but no you shouldn’t romanticize it but you’re genuinely worried and your thoughts are all over the place—

And yet. His mere presence calms you. And you tell yourself to trust him. And to trust how fate has brought you both together.

You love him so much, the way he raised his eyebrows, or just one; the way he smiles slightly like a smirk; the way he always cares for you even if he’s even more shy than you are and kind of overtly sentimental to boot...

It’s okay. Because you have him.

And he has you.

One night he comes back, surprises you at your place, and tells you he’s ready to play the song he was telling you about, the song he wrote.

And he gets out his guitar, and—

It’s the most beautiful melody you’ve ever heard: his sweet and mellifluous voice coupled with the raw strings of the acoustic guitar, and the lyrics he penned himself—

—about how much he loves you.

And you’re crying and it’s so sentimental but you love him so much, he deserves the world, he’s not some beautiful broken boy goddamit he is Xiao Dejun and you love him and he loves you.

“Why are you crying?” he asks, genuinely concerned.

You wipe your tears. “Because you’re so sweet? And I’m so overcome?”

You laugh. He laughs. He leans over. Bends close. And kisses you.

And, well,

That’s why.

It’s not just the serenade, not just the handsomeness, not just the romance,

It’s the pure love from his beautiful soul.

It’s the true love you have for one another.

And that is why you love Xiao Dejun with all your heart; and why he loves you, too. 💖

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cassandra-acton · 5 years

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ORIGINS & FAMILY:

Name: Cassandra Alice Acton.

Nickname: Cassie, Cass.

Birthday: November 8th.

Age: 33.

Gender: Female.

Place of Birth: Oxford, Oxfordshire, United Kingdom.

Places Lived Since: London, United Kingdom.

Current Residence: Tower Hamlets, London, United Kingdom.

Nationality: British.

Parents: Michael and Anita Acton (née Redgrave)

Grandparents: Edward Acton (grandfather, paternal, deceased) Renske van Ardenne (grandmother, paternal) Harold Redgrave (grandfather, maternal, deceased) Hélène de Broglie (grandmother, maternal, deceased)

Aunts & Uncles: Kathleen Acton-Fortescue (aunt, paternal) Charlotte, Georgina Redgrave (aunts, maternal) Lambert Redgrave (uncle, maternal)

Number of Siblings: One older sister, Elizabeth Acton.

Relationship With Family: Poor is an understatement. It's gotten to the point where she no longer communicates with her parents at all. Cassie’s mother is—and always has been—an emotionally abusive bully, and even though her father never treated her badly, he also never intervened. It’s hard to see past. Cassie spent much of her childhood thinking she was the problem; that she’d done something to warrant her mother being so obvious about not wanting her. That’s changed now, but the hurt hasn’t gone. Cassie still carries a lot of emotional baggage from her uprettpbringing. Has a lot of self-hate, self-doubt, and averseness to trusting people/letting them close to her. It’s easier to keep people at a distance than to feel the hurt of not being good enough for them too. Elizabeth was never treated in the way she was. She’s the golden child. When Cassie was very young, that wasn’t a problem; she looked up to Elizabeth like she was a hero, and worshipped the ground she walked on, much in the same way she did her mother. But then, as she got older, Anita made sure Cassie knew it. Got enjoyment from pitting them against each other. It absolutely decimated the relationship. Not only did it leave her bitter, but absolutely stripped her of the protective big sister she loved and needed. They still talk, but they aren’t close at all. Elizabeth understands why Cassie feels about their mother. Elizabeth can see everything she’s done. Cassie, on the other hand, still feels like she has to prove she’s better than Elizabeth because her mother always told her she would never come close. That’s enough to make her look like more of an enemy than family.

Happiest Memory: When Harrison proposed to her, without a doubt. That was easily the best day of her life. I’ll write about it someday. Getting her internship at Goldman is definitely second, though.

Childhood Trauma: I mean the parents definitely fucked her up for life, so there’s that.

PHYSICAL:

Height: 5'4”

Weight: 120lbs.

Build: Slim but very fit.

Hair Color: Blonde.

Usual Hair Style: Whilst working she almost always wears her hair up in a ponytail, but she’s not really a fan, and would much rather it down and free-flowing. Keeps it just a little longer than shoulder length because of her dislike of short hair. Is too lazy to style it beyond neatness unless she’s going somewhere.

Eye Color: Blue.

Glasses? Contacts?: Neither.

Style of Dress/Typical Outfit(s): For work: neat, formal, and inexpensive. Lots of form-fitting skirts, blazers and blouses in blacks, whites and nudes. Out of work: a fuck load of jeans. Baggy jumpers, chunky-knit cardigans and quirky shirts. Picks up a lot of her stuff from charity shops because who has time for fucking shopping. I don’t think she’s really the designer type despite having more than enough money to live that kind of lifestyle.

Typical Style of Shoes: Cassie is never without heels in her day-to-day, even at the weekend. Prefers bright colours and eye-catching designs to contrast with her typically monochrome outfits during work. Will happily wear killer heels even when dressed down because they look just as good with jeans. Shoes are about the only part of her outfits she ever spends a decent amount of money on.

Jewellery? Tattoos? Piercings?: The only piece of jewellery she constantly wears is her engagement ring, which she has on a chain around her neck. That being said, she is a big lover of rings in general, and is always sporting a solid combination of regular and midi. She has four tattoos. ‘Hip to be Square’ in tiny font on the inside of her right wrist, Gaff’s unicorn on her left hip, Harrison’s birthday on her left shoulder blade, and a matching tattoo she got with her friend, Jessica, back in school, on her right forearm. Each got a hand from The Creation of Adam. As for piercings, she has her left ear pierced twice, her right five times (one daith), as well as her navel.

Scars: A thin scar that cuts through her right eyebrow; a result of a drunken night out in university during which one of her friends fell down the stairs, and dragged Cassie with her. She actually rather likes it. Also has several scars on her torso from being shot in her apartment by Russian nationalists. You can read the self para here.

Unique Mannerisms/Physical Habits: When she’s stressed, she has to play with her hair; pulling it, twisting it, whatever. It’s about the only good indicator she’s about to rip your face off because she will do that shit with a smile. She’s also a bugger for biting at her nails, so she purposely gets gel extensions to stop herself doing it.

Athleticism: Very high. Cassandra naturally has a lot of energy, and so expends a lot of it keeping fit. Rowed competitively for LSE, and still competes regularly with many of the girls from her old crews, as well as having joined a new rowing club. She also plays a lot of rugby, though never competitively. Loves running and endurance, and almost always competes in the Tough Mudder when it’s nearby, as well as taking part in the London marathon annually (something she and Harrison made a tradition of doing together.) Also gets involved with a lot of charity races.

Health Problems/Illnesses: I think she’s battled serious depression for a long time, though she’s far too proud to ever get it officially diagnosed. Cassie also has both polycystic ovaries and endometriosis, which is a miserable combination. They come with their own sets of issues that she has to battle with, the worst of which is the mental hurdle of her possible infertility.

INTELLECT:

Level of Education: MSc in Economics and Management from LSE. Cassie finds studying relaxing, however, and often self-teaches about subjects of interest in her free time. Currently, she is working on a course in Arab Finance.

Languages Spoken: English natively, Dutch fluently, thanks to her grandmother. French and Mandarin intermediate. It determined to take up learning Arabic at a later date.

Level of Self-Esteem: Very low. Her mother drummed the idea that she’s worthless into her so convcingly, moving past it is very difficult. It’s why she aggressively overcompensates with an arrogant attitude. Partly to convince herself that she’s making progress, but mostly to convince others that nothing’s wrong at all.

Gifts/Talents: Surprisingly, she’s actually a good violinist. It’s about the only thing she has to thank her mother for. Cassie also has a solid talent for being able to manipulate others. Wrapping people around her finger has got her far in life.

Mathematical?: Absolutely. Cassie loves numbers. Math was always her favourite subject at school, and easily the one she was best at.

Makes Decisions Based Mostly On Emotions, or On Logic?: Usually, emotions, though she tends to berate herself afterward, because she knows—especially given the career she has now chosen to pursue—that she needs to learn to be more logical.

Life Philosophy: Someone else is happy with less than what you have.

Religious Stance: Was raised Anglican, but isn’t particularly religious. I think she likes the idea of God more than she actually believes it.

Cautious or Daring?: Daring. Naturally, she’s a spontaneous person, and I don’t think being cautious really lends to that.

Most Sensitive About/Vulnerable To: Being told she’s not good enough. Being criticised when it comes to her work. Being compared to her sister. People bringing up what happened to Harrison. Terrorism in general.

Optimist or Pessimist?: In between, leaning slightly toward the pessimistic side.

Extrovert or Introvert?: Extrovert.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Current Relationship Status: In a very secret relationship with Silas Agreste.

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual.

Past Relationships: Before Adam, the only person she’d ever been in a real relationship with was Harrison. They on-off dated their whole young lives. They briefly broke up when he joined the army and she went to university because they were worried about ‘distance’ but wound up missing each other too much for it to be a permanent thing. Dated one guy briefly, Matt, a few years after his death, but it scared her so much it took her a long time to try again. The break up with Adam was complicated because neither of them wanted it. His party made him pick between leadership and her, and whilst he was content to choose Cassie, she was terrified he’d end up resenting her for it down the line. It was her that finally convinced him to go for it, and it might be one of the most difficult decisions she’s ever made.

Primary Reason For Being Broken Up With: None.

Primary Reasons For Breaking Up With People: Not having moved on.

Ever Cheated?: Physically? No. Emotionally? During her relationship with Adam, it’s safe to say that’s dubious ground.

Been Cheated On: Not to her knowledge. Adam was still sleeping with Spencer’s ex-wife, Evelyn, when they first started dating, but it doesn’t really count given that they weren’t officially together at that point.

Level of Sexual Experience: Cassie’s slept with four people in her life, so limited-ish. Harrison, Matt, Silas, and Adam.

Story of First Kiss: They were ten. His name was Richard and she honestly only kissed him because all of the other girls wanted to. Bragging rights.

Story of Loss of Virginity: The first time she and Harrison tried, they’d attempted to make it a ‘romantic evening’ that wound up being so awkward, they couldn’t stop laughing. Eventually, it happened spontaneously at a school social after party he’d come home from Oxford to meet her at.

A Social Person?: Absolutely. Even though she needs some time to herself every now and again to process all the shit that’s going on in her life, she couldn’t go any extended time without her friends. Being lonely terrifies her, so Cassie has to be in a pretty bad place to cut herself of from people.

Most Comfortable Around: Cassie feels truly comfortable around few people, but Jessica, Nora and Spencer top the list. Jasper, too. They are the people she couldn’t be without. Her old friends at Goldman are still like family to her, too, so they get an honourable mention. Cassie is comfortable around others like Alexis, but would probably still be hesitant to share some things with them.

Oldest Friend: Jessica Mirzoyan: a friend she grew up with in Oxford, who followed the exact same path in life as Cassie. They both moved to London and studied at LSE. The only difference is Jessica works for J.P. Morgan. She can’t remember a time in her life when Jessica wasn’t in it, they’ve known each other for so long. Jess is the sister Elizabeth could’ve been.

How Does She Think Others Perceive Her?: Cassie has an incredibly skewed view of what people think of her. She automatically assumes people think the worst. Look at her like she’s not good enough, just like her mother always did. I think that’s why she keeps most people at arm’s length, because she’s so scared of letting someone in only for them to wind up criticizing her.

How Do Others Actually Perceive Her?: Depends who you ask. Amongst the public, she’s very popular for her honesty. Amongst her colleagues back at Goldman, she’s respected as a professional cutthroat. As for her critics, they probably just see her as a stuck up bitch riding on the back of her sister’s success.

SECRETS:

Life Goals: To help as many people through her political and charitable work as possible. That’s really all she cares about. Personal goals seem fairly irrelevant to her right now, given everything that’s happened.

Dreams: To be happy again would be rather nice. Having children is also incredibly important to her, but not something she thinks about often because of her circumstances. Losing the man she wanted to have a family with was bad enough, but so was the fact they tried for so long with no results. I think she wonders whether it just isn’t meant to be for her, which is sad. That’s definitely one she buries.

Greatest Fears: Polystyrene and spiders. Why do either of those things exist?

Most Ashamed Of: How bitter losing Harrison has made her. How she still hasn’t been able to get over the anger and the hurt it left her with. How she knows she should be ashamed about how her relationship with Silas started (an affair with a married man) but isn’t.

Secret Hobbies: Cassie kind of loves to knit. It’s a good stress reliever when she’s too tired to go running. Not that she’d admit to it, mind you. She’s also not very good. All she can make are the really simple scarves.

Crimes Committed (Was she caught? Charged?): None.

DETAILS/QUIRKS:

Night Owl or Early Bird?: Night owl. Begrudges being alive in the mornings and has to go for a run to wake herself up, or will possibly murder people.

Light or Heavy Sleeper?: Heavy sleeper.

Favorite Animal: Hedgehog.

Favorite Foods: Steak. Cheese and crackers. Orange jelly.

Least Favorite Food: Avocado.

Favorite Book: American Psycho – Bret Easton Ellis.

Least Favorite Book: The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Favorite Movie: Gladiator. Blade Runner.

Least Favorite Movie: Shitty horrors in general.

Favorite Song: Mr. Roboto – Styx. If you play that to her, she doesn’t just sing along, she fucking performs it, okay. (Honourable mentions for The Boys Are Back In Town – Thin Lizzy, and What Is Love – Haddaway.)

Favorite Sport: Rugby Union. Cassie can get shouty about rugby and is a very dedicated Saracens fan. Also a loyal supporter of the English team, and Danny Care’s ultimate fangirl.

Coffee or Tea?: Tea.

Crunchy or Smooth Peanut Butter?: Neither, thank you. That stuff is nasty.

Type of Car She Drives: A dark green Mini Cooper.

Lefty or Righty?: Lefty.

Favorite Color: Pink.

Cusser?: Pretty badly, although she does well to hold her tongue in public most of the time. Cassie has had a few slip-ups that made the headlines, though. Luckily the general opinion was that it made her seem more normal/relatable, and it went down well with voters, if not her critics.

Smoker? Drinker? Drug User?: Never used drugs. Occasionally smokes if she’s incredibly stressed and has been drinking, but otherwise, she finds it kind of gross. Drinks fairly regularly. More so lately.

Biggest Regret: Letting her parents fuck her up so badly. Cassie wishes that she hadn’t taken it so much to heart, now that she knows better.

Pets: The love of her life, Brody the Corgi. More recently, she got him a little sister, Sarah. Also her hedgehog Éclair.

#i added enough to this to warrant a repost #reblogging myself would look ugly too #i want everyone to update/post one of these thank you!#they're solid chardev starts #character development #make sure you're reading others as well as posting your own #i will do a masterlist of them eventually

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secretcinema3 · 6 years

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The Killer Elite

Cinema is the stuff dreams are made of, all our romantic reveries and daydreams come to life, a projection of the perfect world we'd love to be living in, full of excitement and happy endings. Or it would be if it wasn't for one little problem: not all our dreams are so wholesome. In fact some are downright scary. And nothing gets at the malign impulses lurking in our subconscious quite like cinema. It's something filmmakers have known since the earliest days; audiences love the vicarious thrill of illicit acts just as much as wholesome ones.

Which brings us to the horror and fascination we have with those who disobey the most serious of all the Ten Commandments. As Ernest Hemingway once observed, ''when a man is still in rebellion against death he has pleasure in taking to himself one of the Godlike attributes, that of giving it. This is one of the most profound feelings in those men who enjoy killing.'' What he neglected to mention was the pleasure an audience often experiences, whether it's in the bullring or the cineplex, while watching this rebellion against death. It's a primeval experience, a ritualistic act, one that connects cinema to ancient rites and religious transfiguration. The cinematic killer enacts our hidden desire to kill and our hidden relief that the victim is someone else. They die for us, so we don't have to. They kill for us, so we don't have to. So whether it's the serial killer, the vigilante or the hitman, the killer is always with us, haunting our dreams, charming our worst instincts, hunting us down with remorseless determination. Here are five of the more memorable of cinema's most troubling and enduring residents.

1. Speaking of Hemingway, his short-story The Killers was the basis for one of the great noirs of the 1940s. Two hitmen (Charles McGraw and William Conrad) arrive in the small town of Bedford to kill someone called 'the Swede'. As they move in on the local diner, their long coats and hats, the anonymous suit of the professional killer, add to the silhouetted menace. Inside they wait for the Swede to arrive, ordering food and talking to the owner and the one customer (Hemingway surrogate Nick Adams). McGraw and Conrad are impeccably hard-boiled here, barely-restrained violence embedded in every seemingly mundane exchange, voices oozing sullen condescension and contrariness. The levels of big city contempt Conrad gets into the line: ‘‘They all come here and eat the big dinner’’ is something else. They’re school bullies codified as angels of death, talking down to grown men (‘Town’s full of bright boys’), blood as cool as lizards. The film goes on to tell us why the Swede (Burt Lancaster) has ended up here but it starts with this recreation of the original story in all its noirish brilliance.

https://youtu.be/9Z0oYYl7FJY?t=1m27s

2. We can't talk killers without talking Hitchcock. Killers were one of specialties and I could pick five clips from him alone. In the end I chose Bruno Anthony from Strangers On A Train. It's an incomparable performance from Robert Walker, the killer as psychopath, victim and charmer all in one. When Bruno stalks the young woman at the carnival Hitchcock invests the innocence of rides and signs (’Magic Isle’/‘Tunnel of Love’) with foreboding, all that darkness surrounding the bright fantasy world. We see the normal predatory desires of young men juxtaposed against the murderous kind following them. (Watch Bruno relishing the popcorn, appetites aroused by the prospect of the kill). But Hitchcock was always trying to implicate us in his murderous schemes, manipulating us to identify with killers, and here as Bruno murders the young woman Hitch lowers her body into our laps, presents her to us as a sacrificial offering in the dark reflection of her fallen glasses. We’ve got what we wanted all along, our true desires revealed. We’re no different to Bruno, really, his body distorted and demonic now in the visionary frame (within-a-frame) of those most Hitchcockian of glasses.

https://youtu.be/Kl9fOZFpess

3. It's hard to imagine the western without killers. The gunslinger, the outlaw and the gun-for-hire were staples of pretty much every western ever made. So an enormous wealth of ornery so-and-sos in black hats to choose from then. I've gone for an Italian take on this most American of genres. Surely few killers have ever had a cooler (or better soundtracked) entrance than blue-eyed Frank in Sergio Leone's Once Upon A Time In The West. We’ve just watched the McBain family brutally gunned down. One child remains, rushing out of the house, stopping abruptly as he sees the bodies of his family lying in the dirt. (This moment, the point-of-view camera rushing towards the door, then the close-up of the child’s face as Morricone’s heart-stopping music erupts is as thrilling as it gets). The mystery gunmen emerge from the brush, five faceless bringers of death, long coats billowing in the dust as they approach. Then the camera pans slowly forward and around to the leader’s face. It’s Henry Fonda, paragon of liberal justice in films like The Grapes of Wrath and Twelve Angry Men. Surely he won’t shoot the child? ‘What are we going to do with this one Frank?’ Frank spits on the ground, on our expectations, on his own reputation. Fuck that Henry Fonda. You think you know someone? ‘Now that you’ve called me by name,’ he replies. But this is just an excuse. Frank’s cold blue eyes have already told us what’s going to happen next.

https://youtu.be/QqTfBysL0wE

4. Not all movie killers are human, of course. Monsters, alien creatures and pissed-off animals have all menaced mankind over the years. Most of these can be explained by the unpredictability of nature or our instinctual fear of the unknown. Movies where we imagine being preyed upon by our own technology, on the other hand, are harder to explain. John Carpenter's Christine is a good example of this. In Stephen King's original book the car was haunted. In the film, however, it has no discernible reason for turning on humanity. It's just bad and it wants to kill us. Of course, it might be the culture that’s haunted, the dream of 50s America going sour in the 80s night, the eerie, mocking sound of doo-wop in the air. ‘You ain’t mad are ya?’ asks doomed bully Moochie Welch prompting the car’s headlights to explode like solar flares. Oh yes, Christine’s mad all right, mad as hell. (It’s a 1958 Plymouth Fury after all). Mad all the big-finned promise of the American Dream has been betrayed. Or maybe the murderous car represents the auto destruction of a society destroying itself, especially with machines. Techno-phobia was clearly in the air in 1983. Maybe Christine travelled back from the same future depicted the following year in The Terminator, where all our machines have finally risen up against us.

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbHKdn0XScg&hl=en_GB&fs=1&rel=0]

5. And finally, a more recent phenomenon is the rise of the female killer. A staple of exploitation movies and comic books, the female killer has been gradually making her way into the mainstream as trash aesthetics and comic book sensibilities take over popular culture. Girls kicking ass is a win-win for everyone, female empowerment meets geek boy fantasy in an unholy alliance. Tarantino has something to do with it, as did TV shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer. However, these killers tended to be wronged women on revenge missions or weak-armed but pretty girls not entirely convincing at running. But not always, and not anymore. Take the brutal elegance of Charlize Theron’s Cold War spy in last year’s Atomic Blonde. It’s still fantasy material, from bath scenes to lesbian sex, but the stunning, visceral one-take stairwell fight may well be a greater argument for equality than a whole library of feminist texts. The female body is no longer a weakness, the urge (and capacity) to kill no longer an unnatural consequence of some man’s brutality. Skill, stamina and force have equalised the contest. Hemingway’s assumption that only man could be ‘in rebellion against death’ by ‘taking to himself one of the Godlike attributes, that of giving it’ is old hat. There’s a new God in town now, and she’s taking no prisoners.

https://youtu.be/XarGS1AeEcE

#the killer elite #essays #killers #atomic blonde #strangers on a train #the killers #ernest hemingway #christine #John Carpenter #Robert Siodmak #alfred hitchcock #once upon a time in the west #sergio leone

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asiawrites · 6 years

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The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind: I Only Like You For the Nostalgia... Probably

Last week I got a chance to see U2 for the third time. I know they get a lot of flack and I get a lot also for still being a fan. I don’t know why, outside of fans, they are so hated, but I have a few ideas and a lot of them hit me in the days before the show.

There is no denying (at least there shouldn’t be) that Bono, Larry, The Edge, and Adam are excellent showmen. And you have to admit they are talented. Say what you want about Bono, but to blow off the skill of The Edge’s guitar playing, Adam’s rhythm with a bass, and Larry’s preciseness with the drums is a little crazy to me. I know for people who aren’t fans, it’s hard to see past Bono’s need to do the absolute most, but trust me these dude’s are talented.

It’s weird that, even though, I said this was my third time seeing them, this was the first time I felt like I belonged in the crowd. The sad part of that was the excitement for the show had started to die weeks before the trip to Chicago, and had almost completely died hours before the show (I’ll get to that totally embarrassing and probably bratty reason later). The first time I saw them was a little rushed. I’m the type of girl who likes to get to concerts super early, with hopes of meeting the band. Lame, but whatever. This time I had fractured my foot a few weeks before so I was in the dreaded boot. Long story short, a doctor’s appointment, traffic, a few errands, and more traffic later I was later than I hoped to be. The part that bummed me out is that, other than the couple that sat next to me, everyone was kind of asshole-ish. I know the band has a reputation for being sort of pompous, but I thought “Even the fans too?!?” Just the rudest group of people ever. The second time was more of the same. It was the Joshua Tree tour of 2017. I was able to get to Soldier Field early enough for their first show (I had tickets for the show the next day) to get a great video of Bono greeting fans, still no autograph, because in a world of tall people us short folks don’t stand a chance. At the show I had tickets for GA. I’d gotten close enough to the extended part of the stage out in the crowd, with the exception of the 6ft plus women (IN HEELS!) who decided to stand in the way and causally nudge me out of the way any chance they could. To make that even worse is that once the show got started Larry’s drum set was positioned to face the other side of the crowd, and for some reason the rest of the band decided to play that direction as well instead of working the whole crowd. So whether the gargantuan women were in my way or not all I got to see was U2 ass for two hours. Immediately after the show was over staff were complete dicks telling people to get out and even resorted to pushing people, which was unnecessary. Third times a charm I guess. My boyfriend was with me and we were around a group of people who came to enjoy the show, talked and laughed with us and it was great.

My boyfriend and I had a discussion while waiting for the show to start and it was about something that disturbed me about my favorite band. On their unique stage there were images that popped up saying things like “Equal Rights”, “HERstory”, etc. All things that have to do with equality, ending hate, caring for one another, you know? All the shit we’ve become accustomed to when you think of them and the charities they support. And I looked at my boyfriend and said “Yet our sweatshirts are $75 and buttons that literally say nothing about the band are $15.” Now mind you, I don’t know where the funds from their merch go to. Most of it could very well go to the ONE campaign. All I know is that I’ve gone to many concerts and at none of them have shirts being sold for more than $25-$30, nor are the knick knack accessories over $10. Almost all merch has something dealing with the band on it, whether it be just the name, their image, a lyric, etc. They are also the only band I know of that has a fan club fee. Someone like me can’t afford to give $50+ bucks just so I’m notified early when tickets go on sale and therefore give you MORE money. I wish they were a little more like what they stand for. Realize that not all of your fans are loaded, but also want to be included because they love you.

My bratty reason for my excitement dying is that they kinda crushed me beforehand. When they’re in Chicago they stay at the same hotel and roughly leave for a show around the same time. That first day Bono stopped, shook a few hands from the car window, and focused his attention on the little girl that he’d let up on stage at a show in the past. That girl wasn’t born to know about the greatness that was Joshua Tree, but I digress. The next day I showed up and was relieved there wasn’t as many people there as the day before. Surely they’d stop and I’d FINALLY get my autograph on this book that I’d been carrying around for years whenever they were near. Nope. They didn’t even stop, roll down the window, wave, honk the horn. Nothing. I was heartbroken. Yeah, I cried. Whatever. My boyfriend hugged when I told him not to cause it would get worse. Cause you know if someone hugs you when you’re already sad it’s guaranteed to make you cry like a baby. That was me. I hate that it effected me so much because at the end of the day they’re just people. It’s a catch 22 because they are just people and don’t owe us anything, but at the same time without fans to buy albums, tickets, etc, then where would they be? People judge me for being a fangirl, but for some celebrities it’s because they mean a lot to me for very specific reasons and U2 fits in that category for me. They are the band that made me comfortable with myself. For me being a young black girl who liked rock music, it was tough. I was bullied, told I was trying to be white, called weird, and just overall made to feel like I was trying to be something I wasn’t and that I didn’t belong anywhere. Hell, oftentimes my own family made me feel that way. It was hard going out in the world and dealing with that type of ridicule and then have to come home to it. I didn’t have a break. My break was Mtv and the radio. The moment I saw the video for “Mysterious Ways”, I was hooked. I started not to care what people thought. I loved U2 and I didn’t care who knew. What made that acceptance much easier was from the video I thought Bono was Latino, so I felt that a nice rebuttal if people teased me for liking “white music” I could say that “Well the lead singer for U2 is Latino! So there!” I later found out I was wrong, but I didn’t care. I was a U2 lover. In some ways I was still ashamed of the music I liked so the only ones I didn’t care about people knowing I liked were U2, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Aerosmith, (with black people Aerosmith got a pass because of Run DMC). It wasn’t until I was 13 and discovered The Beatles that I threw all fucks to the wind and started being the nerdy rock and roll black girl that I was destined to be. So did I feel hurt when I didn’t meet my idols? You damn right I did.

Before that concert I had an inner talk with myself, and that talk was along the lines of “Do I still love U2 or do I love the acceptance they made me feel for myself when I was a child? Am I just caught up in the nostalgia?” I honestly don’t have an answer to that. Do I love their music still? Yes. Does it touch me the same way Achtung Baby did? Not really. There will always be a place in my heart for them, but do I really want to keep spending my hard earned dollars to see them? Maybe. Maybe not. Their music will always be a part of the soundtrack to my life. Their music will stick with me.

-Asia Aneka Anderson, 2018(c)

#By: Asia Aneka Anderson #Inside My Creative Mind #The Ramblings Inside My Creative Mind #personal #U2 #amwriting #writing

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ruslanalekseev · 3 years

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Was Hiruzen a Good Hokage?

No. As many people have already pointed out, Hiruzen was very indecisive, and he always did what his advisors told him to. Which wouldnt be that bad, if not the fact that almost every single one of their decisions were suggested to them by Danzo.

Hiruzen might have had good intentions, but good intentions wont do you much good, if:You orchestrate the massacre of one of the founding clans in your village. You dont react to bullying towards the villages probably most valuable shinobi.You cant even bring yourself to killing one of the greatest criminals from your village

· Suggested Reading

What if a gay person was elected as the POTUS?

We have already had a gay President. James Buchanan Jr. was the 15th President (18571861) He was a member of the Democratic Party.

The only president to remain a bachelor, Buchanan's personal life has attracted great historical interest. Buchanan had a close and intimate relationship with William Rufus King, an Alabama politician. Buchanan and King lived together in a Washington boardinghouse for many years, from 1834 until King's departure for France in 1844.

King referred to the relationship as a "communion", and the two attended social functions together. Contemporaries also noted the closeness. Andrew Jackson called King "Miss Nancy" and prominent Democrat Aaron V.

Brown referred to King as Buchanan's "better half", "wife" and "Aunt Fancy"

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How did Canada manage to control COVID 19 so well despite its shared border with the US?

When doctors and scientists here in Canada told us that the COVID-19 virus would not only kill some people, but others who contracted the disease might suffer permanent damage to organs and body systems, we listened and became afraid. Then, when it was shown some young children also suffered devastating organ failures, we knew we must all do what we can to protect ourselves and others.

We didnt each need to personally know someone who has been so affected, we just imagined how our own actions could cause this result. For some reason, Americans do not seem to feel that same empathy for their fellow citizens. Tragic and sad

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What is the significance of WhatsApp for Facebook?

Why did Facebook acquire WhatsApp at such a hefty price of $19 billion?

Let us think about it. Say you are talking to your girlfriemd and you decide to go for a movie coming weekend.

It is not a big information for you. But for facebook it is a priceless piece of information. Since it they know now that you ar going to the movie they will project all the ads that is pertaining to movie going.

. Hence facebook achieves a greater accuracy of targeted ads. And hence 19Billion dollars.

Also facebook knows everything about you except your messages to your intimate people. Now that they bought whatsapp they literally know everything about you to sell you out when the time comes.

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Will Joe Biden be worse than Trump?

Worse at what? I guess it depends on what you value and what you place importance on. If youre a Republican partisan it doesnt matter what Biden does itll be worse than Trump.

If youre a Democrat partisan it doesnt matter what Biden does because itll be better than Trump. If youre an independent youll recognize that all Presidents have pluses and minuses. Theyll do things at annoy you and things youll applaud.

I didnt vote for Trump in 16 and hes done things I despise and things I applaud. I didnt vote for Obama either time and he did thinks I liked and things I hated

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Do many Chinese people hate Fujianese people?

I don't know where did you get this view.

In college, I had a roommate coming from Fujian who is an authentic, courteous, helpful person with lots of computer's knowledge. Every time our computers occur in problems, our first thought is to seek for his help not to go maintenance store straightly because of its expensive charge. There are a few Fujianese.

as far as I'm concerned, They all good person through conversation and cooperation. But, I can't say Fujianese all good people since I had met all good Fujianese. In working with people, The significant thing We need to do is giving our sincere heart to them.

Similarly, you will be rewarded for your sowing.

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How old should a kid be before seeing Deadpool?

FWIW, the airline cut is devoid of *all* sexual content (to the point of blurring out the slight glimpse of butt-crack visible in the opening credits, as well as losing the Stan Lee cameo), but I dont believe they removed *any* of the violence or swearing.

What a country!As for child-appropriateness, it depends on the child. I was OK with my kid seeing the airline cut because he never swears and he doesnt like gory violence (it wasnt too gruesome on my 5 phone screen).

Other kids his age may not be able to handle this material. Heck, I know adults who wouldnt do so well with this material

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How can we stop people from throwing garbage in the empty plots?

Please know that if people throw biodegradable garbage only in an empty plot after removing all plastics and dry wastes, you are actually replenishing the ground.

This will improve vegetation of the plot.The second approach is to promote home composting and community composting. This can happen only if there is source segregation.

Third approach is to penalize through a law.Instal leaves composter in the entrance of the plot and encourage people to deposit the dried leaves into it. Many aesthetically good looking composters are available.

The process is very simple and no stink involved.Be creative and you will have many more options. Cheers.

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Could we derive energy from gravity in space?

You mean free flowing gravity? Yes.

Look at a grandfather clock and see the weights it has to keep it going. Except for dams most of the ways are small but all together make up huge amounts. You could use the same clock system method with a much larger counter weight and just by hand moving it back up daily to the top would generate constant power.

In other words you could produce huge amounts of potential power by a little daily hand labor.Now you got me wondering if there is a natural limit it this because it is not being done or that people are just lazy in not doing this

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How will the GOP change if Trump loses to Biden?

I dont think they will change at all, at least in the short term.

Trumps presidency has done one useful thing - exposed the corrupt innards of the Democratic party, and the Republicans, with or without Trump, are going to want to follow through on things, especially when the Durham report comes out. Trump has also shown how to do things economically, such that even Biden wants to plagiarize him. Theres been absolutely nothing wrong with his policies.

They were working great prior to the pandemic and theres no reason to think they wont work again when things finally get back to normal

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Who is the best teacher for sociology for the UPSC optional preparation in Delhi?

Hello there .I am a Civil engineer , who did not have any prior knowledge about sociology .

I was an expressive person and with the suggestions of friends , I chose sociology as my optional .I went to Pranay Aggarwal Sir and that was the best decision I made . Reasons :-He took classes in small batches with led me to focus more on the subject .

He is very interactive which makes sociology come out very naturally from oneself .He is very helpful and extremely accepting of different ideas which gave me confidence and started loving the subject . His notes are all encompassing and I can vouch for it

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Why was Paul Manafort sent to prison?

This just reported by NY Times:Banker Accused of Arranging $16 Million in Loans to Manafort to Gain High-Level Trump PostA banker in Chicago has been changed with trying to buy an appointment as Treasury Secretary. He arranged $16 million in loans to Paul Mafort. I dont know if the prosecutors knew about that alleged crime when Manafort was sent to prison.

This news certainly speaks to what kind of person Manafort is. It continues to astound me how corrupt Trump is that he picks people like Manafort. How can Trump voters have been so clueless to have voted for this narcissistic(oops, I better restrain myself).

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Why was the Roman Empire so successful?

the roman empire was successful in its government form.it probably had the most advanced government in ancient times, a republic which represent each of the classes in society.

Outsiders or barbarians could also aspire to gain citizenship if they work hard enough, slaves could gain or buy their freedom. This makes roman empire have a equal opportunity system similar to the american dream.But things slowly deteriorated once ceasar become dictator for life, or sulla and marius trying to monopolize power through using the military triumphs.

It lead to rise of emperors and rulers not acccountable to the public, and right to rule slowly degenerate into hereditary succession or military coup.

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Did the music of led Zeppelin change your life?

Yes!

As does every song does, some more than others. The Rain Song played while I was enjoying the company of a young lady I met on Manhattan Beach as I was coming out the ocean, exhausted from surfing for 5 hours. I collapsed on my board and was laying there taking in the scene when this beautiful blonde girl with curly hair, piercing blue eyes, and a body of a Black girl, blocked the sun, looked down and said are you ok?

. That was the beginning of summer of 91 and we had fun. Especially the night we spent in a motel on the beach, listening to led Zeppelin

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Who is the most under appreciated American president?

Adams greatest war president in our nations history.When almost everyone in the young country wanted war with France egged on by that snake Jefferson. Adams held back, he understood war was not necessary would be destructive and would cripple the country for decades, he also well understood his stand would likely cost him his reelection but he stood firm.

The country did not go to war but he did loose his office. Such a shame the country remembers the man who did his most noble service as a citizen under an English king and not the man who formed the nation after the Revolutionary War

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Why did you leave Hinduism for Islam?

People group or regroup into religion for rudimentary security reasons, not due to any love for a religion.

Any person who understands the first alphabet of any religion will know the purpose of religion is to help and serve the society he or she lives selflessly, particularly those who donu2019t follow his/her beliefs and faith has to be served, loved and cared.If someone thinks that his/her religious group is better than the other, it discredit the fundamental first alphabet of the religion. Islam, Hinduism or any religion in the world, if it is practiced by grouping and subgrouping its practioners, it is deplorably divisive for the society and in general human welfare

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In WW2 during the Battle of France, why did it take so long for France to surrender?

Why didn't France surrender earlier?

France waited so that the English could be evacuated from Dunkirk. They held the German back while the small boats could get in and get the boys home.

Then they had a resistance to organise not easy when you have a whole lot of tanks running over your toes. Finally, the Italians decided to pop in for a late entry in the game of conquest so they had them to send packing. Then they surrendered.

That is to say the French Government surrendered, the French people on the other hand fought on.If you have ever seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail, you see just how ferocious the French can be in their taunting of opponents.

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theatricalplacenta · 7 years

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First of all, to you, as someone who presumably does not ship KatsuDeku, I’d like to thank you for coming to my ask box with a calm and respectful question rather than wagging fingers and yelling about how the pairing is disgusting and anyone that ships it is filth; or saying things that people who hate Katsuki and Izuku paired together usually use as an example as to why Katsuki is a pretty terrible person and why they should never be together. So, before I answer your question, i really need to say thank you.

Without any more delay, let’s delve into this! And please, just bare with me, I have a point to all this. Their relationship was indeed abusive growing up, and anyone that can’t see it is either blind, or chooses to be blissfully ignorant. It was a textbook case of bullying, and first I want to say, that by “shipping” the two of them, that I in no way condone treating another human being like absolute dirt. With that being said, Katsuki is a strange character. Too many see him as nothing but blind rage, anger, and (in my opinion) his most dangerous personality trait, pride. Izuku was a very young boy when Katsuki began bullying him, and our small green son said himself that once Katsuki had gotten his quirk he began to change. I’m not excusing his behaviour, but Katsuki, as an impressionable child (as most are), with his drive and determination to be the best, was encouraged by absolutely everyone, and denied by no one. They didn’t just whisper that he was meant for greatness, they loudly exclaimed it, shouted it, and ingrained it into his head. He was told that he would be simply amazing because of his quirk, and then izuku, who didn't have one, matched his fiery spirit all the way, despite HIM being the best. A childs psyche is easily fucked with. This kid sat there with heavy expectations, and hopes and dreams on his shoulders. He was told he was amazing by everyone, so it must be true right? He treated Izuku badly all because he was quirkless, but no one stopped him from behaving in such a way, despite it being quite obvious as to what he was doing (Katsuki isn’t known for being quiet), so he couldn’t have been doing anything too bad right? All that pressure, self doubt, fear of failure, insecurity, and self loathing when he couldn’t reach the top comes with those societal expectations and borderline demands. It all builds up inside and it’s been showing in the recent chapters. His treatment of Izuku... I don’t think Katsuki is as apathetic to Izuku’s suffering as he lets on. Katsuki’s anxiety about his own abilities was never Izuku’s fault, but he saw him as a hurdle to climb over, simply because he unknowingly regarded him as someone who was on par with him, quirk or no. Izuku always met him every step of the way in exuberance, dedication, perseverance despite not being as “amazing” as he is, and infuriatingly enough, beat him when it came to bravery. If Izuku really was no more than a pebble to him, Katsuki wouldn’t have cared so much about building himself up in comparison, and would have simply dismissed him as another side character, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Izuku endured years of bullying, both emotional and physical mistreatment from Katsuki, yet this blindingly upbeat, and downright Heroic boy has this amazing gift to see the good there is in a person. He can read a person, and see their pain, and tries to obliterate it with his words. As an example, for Shouto, Izuku saw that he was suffering, and used the only power he had from the start to try and save him; the power of speech and his belief in peoples inner strength (or something equally as MC protag-ish). I think that's what he's been trying to do with Katsuki from the start. I personally believe that Katsuki perhaps knows that, and sees Izuku pointing out these things to him, or admiring them, as him dragging out and mocking what he sees as weakness in himself. Not that ‘being amazing’ is a weakness, but the fact that Izuku sees him, like his front of fury is so transparent that he could stick his hand through his chest, is like he’s being made out to be a fool. Heros are supposed to be strong, show no fear, and unquestionably courageous. Izuku has beat him in every respect as Katsuki sees it now, yet Izuku’s still there, praising him, and ‘making fun of him’. Katsuki has never needed any real encouragement, as he’s always been at the top. It was just expected respects and due praise to him. He probably has no idea what it means to have someone really believe in him. He was supposed to be the one to make it big, yet there’s “Deku”, crushing not just his dreams, but making the voices of everyone around him, and the whispers of the adults of his past louder and louder, reiterating that he is meant to be something. SO, ENOUGH ABOUT KATSUKI--- I just had to explain where I was coming from to make my point here, forgive me. So Katsuki, as fucked up, and down right foul as he can be, isn’t completely to blame for becoming what he is. Again, I’m not excusing him, but I’m saying that Izuku can see that. Izuku isn’t blind to it, at least not completely, because if I was that kid I woulda’ changed schools a long time ago, but this strong green bean has thought about it- said it to himself- and even said it to atsuki’s face (kind of) that he’s a fucking asshole. Izuku has even gone so far as to think about how he hates the guy. I completely understand where you’re coming from anon. I really, really do. I was also bullied really bad by a few people, but two of them, who were incidentally two of the worst by a long shot, are now some very good friends to me. The only thing I can say about that is... people change. They just... grew up. I’m not saying that everyone needs to go out there and confront their bullies, or people who harassed them, because not all people can make peace with who they were in the past, or perhaps never learned to function a different way, but it happens. You don’t need to gain any closure with a past tormentor, and you are allowed to live your life without sparing them another thought. That is 100000% a-okay. But so is forgiving people, and helping them down a better road to becoming a significantly kinder person. People are allowed to forgive as well as cast away, and this is something I have become very intimate with given my “family” situation. I completely understand that some just can not be forgiven, not ever… but in light of those who are undeserving, I've learned and become aware of who is forgivable. Katsuki wasn’t so bad as to not be forgiven and perhaps be given a chance.

We always forget that children can be so cruel. They can be kind, but they don't even know who they are yet. They can't make executive decisions concerning some basic life choices. We can't expect them to understand what they’re doing wrong all the time. Hell, even as adults, humans are constantly learning and shaping themselves to their environment and the people around them. One of my bullies, they were especially crude and mean to me because they “liked me”. Now they’ve admitted that it was not the way to approach things, and they’re deeply sorry for the ways they acted in high school. They made my life hell for the few months of grade eight all those years ago. I was on the rugby team with him as well, and he and his friends, who i had to play with, would be especially rough with me. It was fine, I thought. I was capable of handling it. We’ve talked about how the stigma and influence of his father and “friends” drove him to act in those ways. How the “boys will be boys” and “Boys pick on girls if they like them” thing was ingrained in his head. It was so influential and potent in his thought process that he thought that me fighting back only meant I liked him too- and drove him to do it even more. The second of one of my worst bullies was a girl who also went along with the crowd, but now knows that she was a tyrannical queen bee. She had a lot of insecurities, as most bullies often do, and her mother was always on her about being a perfect woman, which now we’ve bonded over due to our similar circumstances. She knows what she did was wrong, and despises what she was in the past. We found eachother again when we volunteered as sort of ‘big sisters’ to teen girls, and did occasional groups with them as well. She knows she did a lot of bad, but hopes to make up for it now that she’s realized her grave mistakes. She’s since broken up with a lot of the “friends” who were just as toxic in high school, and surrounds herself with body-positive, loving people, and i couldn’t be happier to talk to her, and be friends with who she is today, and accept all her past faults and misconducts. Now, i’m not trying to project my own circumstances here, because I definitely don’t want to see a few bullies I had in school, but I also broke one of their noses, and drop kicked another, so I feel like i got a bit of payback. What I’m trying to say here,bottom line, with out all the gabbing, is that people can change. I’m not telling you, or talking down to you like I don’t think you know that, but I’m saying it as a generalization for my conclusion here (and for those who are very adamant that a bad person is permanently a douche canoe).

I don’t believe people are inherently bad. Although a person's experiences and environment can shape the way they see the world, and how they put themselves forth in it, they can improve themselves. As adults, young adults, and perhaps growing teens who are beyond their years, we can look back and take into consideration that everyone’s issues are at play, and acknowledge that it isn’t always a black and white situation. No one is perfect, but we can strive for it as best as we can. The majority of KatsuDeku shippers focus on Katsuki making amends, and growing past whatever beastly guise he buried “who he really is” under. I think I speak for most of the KatsuDeku shippers when I say we only want Izuku to get through to him, and for Katsuki to recognize himself, his wrongdoings, and fucking apologize. Most fics are all about redemption, or placed in a setting where it’s already happened. I mean, yes, there’s darker fics, every pairing has those, and it may just seem a little more intense given their past with each other, but really, with KatsuDeku…. I get the feeling a lot of us just really want that witty romcom pairing where they kind of piss each other off, but come together to save the world in the end kinda deal. If it was 2005 or something, we could be having this conversation about Naruto and Sasuke or something, who beat the ever loving shit out of each other, yet still had this deep rooted connected between them (that usually translated to each other through fists and screams, like jesus christ LOL).

Katsuki is also filled with passion and drive, and I think he's more than a little above average on the attractive meter, so there are those fics where it's purely them, realizing they can rock each other's world…

BUT- I think we all see Katsuki’s insecurity, and want Izuku to continue to try and ease it- but we also don’t want him to be walked all over. We know Katsuki is a nugget of dickcheese. But this kid has also been publicly humiliated in the sports festival, beaten at every aspect of who he is- or what he was suppose to be, taunted and berated by his teachers and peers (which has never been happened before), captured and made to feel helpless, denied of even getting a hero's training license (so failing at the bare minimum of what he should be doing), and Izuku can understand those feelings more than anyone else i’m sure. Izuku is a fucking VIP in those departments, or at least he was in the past. Katsuki is experiencing what Izuku has gone through, though in different aspects and situations, and Izuku could probably relate on eleven personal levels. Katsuki and Izuku have history, and share a lot more in common than either of them would like to admit. They arguably have one of the deepest and most complex relationships in the series, and there’s so much more to them than “the bully and the victim.” They share pain and experiences, and though Izuku’s was majorly inflicted by Katsuki, he’s a big enough person to work past that, and be there if Katsuki so happens to work past his own issues. Izuku’s a strong willed motherfucker, and he’s the only thing that Katsuki Bakugou has never truly broken. If Katsuki could see that, and how despite himself, he’s used Izuku as his strength and drive to keep going, they could be unstoppable side by side. I’d like to see what they could possibly be if Katsuki can manage grow as a person, which he is slowly, but steadily accomplishing. We just want Katsuki to say he’s fucking sorry, and listen to Izuku instead of getting his programmed prejudices, persistent, and intrusive, selfish desires, his need to excel, and pride in the way.

Izuku is strong, and more than capable of taking care of himself now. He's made it clear he's done being bullied, and is more than happy to go head to head with Katsuki to be his equal, though it's kind of clear Katsuki may have seen him as such from the beginning. Still, he’s always reaching out to Katsuki, trying to raise him up despite his aversion to receiving support, and his determination to be on his own- and be number one. That's the kind of strength one can only muster if they really care about someone I think.

With all that being said, you also asked me why i saw this relationship as healthy. Their current relationship... is not exactly healthy, but more dysfunctional than anything. There isn't anything “healthy” about their past relationship at all, but now, I think Izuku is capable of pulling his weight. Some good rivalry never hurt anyone in these sorts of animes. This is also fiction. What I see as alright in fictional relationships does not reflect what I think is alright for a real relationship. There needs to be a firm line between fictional relationships and real relationships. Some are easier to establish than others, and it varies in difficulty from person to person.

If I saw two people interacting as Izuku and Katsuki do now, while knowing about their strength and how they butt heads on fairly equal grounds, I probably wouldn't interfere. People are allowed to fight. People are allowed to argue, but hey, they're pretty much on equal fighting terms.

If I saw them interacting like they did in middle school, I would be on that so fast, their heads would spin.

Perhaps I'm a bit desensitized or jaded when it comes to subjects like these simply because I've experienced some pretty extreme forms of abuse… but when I think of KatsuDeku, I can only hope for the best. KatsuDeku is easy for me to establish as fictional, and even if it wasn’t, where both the boys are now, I think they can handle each other. Their relationship isn’t so abusive currently that red flags start to fly.

Ever heard of Killing Stalking? Red flags there for me personally. Now, that shit straight up (and I don't use this word lightly because some people just over use it to the point of giving it no meaning and now it's just a joke to me) triggered me, because before I knew it, I was crying all over myself and having a panic attack, and flash backs, and all that lovely stuff. But it's fiction. I recognized it as such, and acknowledged that people are allowed to like it, and read it it, draw it, ship it, w/e they want, because chances are they're aware that this isn’t how a regular couple should function. This isn’t me saying “It’s not bad enough abuse for me to dislike it, because look what it COULD BE” when it comes to our aspiring heros, it’s just.... Izuku isn’t some helpless little kid, and I very much want him to prove that. He’s not a victim anymore.

KatsuDeku isn’t the best of relationships right now, but it’s certainly not the worst, and has a lot of potential to grow and shape into something. Canonly; more than likely they’ll just become friends, because everything is very hetero-normative in japan, though there’s room for a lot more than friendship. They’ve exposed themselves on so many levels that I think they would be even closer because of their past. Concerning fan works; a shit ton of material to play off of here. A pretty interesting date or two lies in store there, lol. I’m sorry if I didn’t correctly answer your question, or if I made no sense, or rambled, or left things out that were in my thoughts and didn’t quite make it into my… lengthy response here. If I ever came off rude up there, that was not my intention, and was just trying to explain!

Thank you for your question! My sympathies to your past bullying experience, and i'm glad you no longer have to deal with that ;A;

If i wasn’t clear on anything, or should clarify, don’t hesitate to ask!

Have a lovely day!

#katsudeku #bakudeku #boku no hero academia #bnha #my hero academia #long post #long reply #i couldn't get the read more thing to work #please forgive me for assaulting your eyes #I hope this was an acceptable answer #sorry it's so long!#katsuki bakugou #midoriya izuku

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