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ooglyboooglybitxh · 9 months

Text

𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐓𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬

Contains: Smut 18+, Guided Sex, FaceTime Sex, Fluff, A Child, Sexting, Strap-On, Fingering, Dirty Talk, female & female receiving.

Summary: Shuri was been in wakanda for 4 days and she misses her son and

Y/n.

Reminder: SAME UNIVERSE AS "𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐊𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐈 𝐍𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐞𝐝" & "𝐍𝐚𝐡𝐢𝐫 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬".

________________________________

imessages between Shuri & Y/n

Shuri: Baby

sent: 3:31 am

Y/n: yeah

Shuri: ❤️

Y/n: Love you too

Shuri: I miss you

Y/n: Miss you too baby

Shuri: whats my son doing

Y/n: He's sleeping

Shuri: i miss you

Y/n: i miss you too

Shuri: How are you feeling right now

Y/n: Good, a little tired tho

Shuri: i miss waking up to you every morning

Y/n: Me too love

Y/n: You getting some work done?

Shuri: yes

Y/n: cool

Shuri: i miss touching you

Y/n: me too

Shuri: rubbing your clit...

Y/n: bae😂

Shuri: touching you everywhere

Y/n: stopppppp

Shuri: i can't stop thinking about it

Y/n: 😑

Shuri: i miss my dick inside of you

Y/n: shuri

Shuri: what?

Y/n: stop😭

Shuri: why?, Why you dont want me to think about that

Y/n: omg💀

Shuri: i miss you moaning in my ear while i fuck your tight little pussy

Y/n: oml😭

Shuri: You know you love it

Y/n: whatevssss😑😑

Shuri: i miss feeling your wetness against my fingers

Y/n: bae

Shuri: I want to feel your wetness again baby

Y/n: bro😂

Shuri: facetime me

Y/n: no😒😭

Shuri: come on, please?

Y/n: fine.🙄

read: 3:37

________________________________

Y/n puts in her AirPods and Facetimes Shuri

———————

Shuri answers immediately.

Shuri answers with her eyes low, teeth gripping her bottom lip, her head tilting off to the right and a black bed-board in the background. Her clothes consists of a black hoodie over her soft curls with a gold chain hanging from her neck.

Making Y/n put her head down

"Hey" Shuri speaks in a husky tone

"Don't say hey like you wasn't texting all that shit to me" Y/n says pointing her finger in the camera smiling

"You know you liked it" Shuri says with a devilish smirk on her face

Out of a flustered feeling. Y/n looks down away from the camera

"Why are you looking away from me baby"

"Im not" Y/n says blushing

"look at me baby"

Y/n rolls her eyes before she looks up at the camera.

"there we go...... dont roll your eyes at me."

Y/n purposely does it again

"Mhmm keep going and you eyes are going to be rolling back in a different direction" Shuri spits in her thick wakandan accent

"mm" Y/n grunts putting her head down blushing and her hand over her mouth

"look at me"

Y/n looks at the camera

"can you smile for me" Shuri smirks

Y/n gives a smile with her lips pressed together

"mmmm... your smiles is so pretty baby"Shuri groans biting her lip

"why are you groaning?" Y/n chuckles

"because you look so good when you smile babygirl" Shuri says grinning

"stawpppp" she says putting her head down blushing and her hand over her mouth

"Dont be shy babygirl"

Y/n just chuckles softly

"what are you wearing?" Shuri asks out of no where

"Why" Y/n asks widening her eyes

"because i wanna see you baby" She says putting her hand under her hoodie onto her stomach.

Y/n stands up and brings her phone in the air showing a white tee, blue shorts and black socks

"mmmmm" Shuri hums looking at Y/n's body

Y/n lays chest first back on the bed

"baby" Shuri says to Y/n

"yeah?"

"wanna do me a favor?" Shuri says smirking at her lover

"lemme hear your favor first" Y/n chuckles propping herself upwards

"take of that shirt your wearing"

"whyy?"

"because i wanna see more that just that tee your wearing" Shuri says biting her lip

Y/n puts down the phone, beginning to take off her white tee when she's interrupted by Shuri speaking through her phone

"Prop up the phone, i wanna see you"

Y/n rolls her eyes and sets up the phone taking off her shirt revealing her black sports bra.

Shuri stares at Y/n taking off her shirt making her even more horny.

"better" Y/n asks Shuri laying down on the bed

"mhmm" Shuri hums

"k" Y/n says putting her chin on the pillow

"Sthandwa im so horny for you"

"i know" Y/n replies lifting an eyebrow

"no i mean really horny. i want you baby"

"yeah but your across the country baby" Y/n says pressing her lips together

"yeah but, i want my dick in you so bad Y/n" Shuri says groaning a little

"please stop" Y/n says smirking and putting her hand over her mouth

"you wanna see something baby?" Shuri says grinning

"un un" Y/n grunts shaking her head with her hand still on her mouth

Not listening, Shuri turns the camera showing her rock hard strap-on through her sweatpants. Making Y/n put her head down feeling flustered.

(A/N: Ok imma make this quick. So before Shuri started texting Y/n she put on the strap bs she alr knew she was finna do some shit😭. And she made the strapon so she can feel everything when she uses it.)

"let me see your pussy" Shuri said stroking her strap.

"b-"

"Let me see it baby" Shuri says cutting off Y/n

Y/n props up the phone laying down giving Shuri a view of her lower half. She slowly removes her shorts and underwear revealing her bald soaking pussy.

"your so wet for me aren't you" Shuri says propping up her phone as well showing her head down to her knees

"mhmm" Y/n hums feeling the cold air on her pussy

Shuri pulls her underwear and sweatpants down to her knees revealing her strap-on

"Touch yourself" Shuri says stroking herself

Y/n licks two fingers and rubs her clit moaning softly

"mmph, fuck yourself" Shuri says putting lotion on her erection stroking her shaft

Y/n puts her middle and ring fingers inside of herself. "uhn fuck"

"mmmmph i can feel you from here baby you feel so good" Shuri moans

(A/N: she can't, just saying in case you got confused.)

"mmm fuck Shuri" Y/n moaned quietly trying to keep her son asleep

"ahhh baby" Shuri moans softly as she strokes herself a bit more faster

Y/n goes faster following Shuri's pace as she hears Shuri stroke faster.

Shuri begins to focus on her mid section more, stroking it smoothly moaning putting her head back with her jaw dropped.

"mmph fuck Y/n harder" She says instructing Y/n

"mmfff, ahh" Y/n whimpers following Shuri's instructions

Shuri is now focusing on her tip stroking it fast as groans Y/n's name

"fuckkk babyy faster" Shuri says moaning loudly

"mmm i- i can't bae"

"fuck y/n just do it" Shuri spat

Y/n whimpers as she goes faster still fingering hard

"ahhhhh good girl, your such a good little whore for me aren't you?" Shuri moaned

"mm yes baby" Y/n moans quietly

"your so good for your panther aren't you baby?" Shuri groaned feeling her climax starting to creep upon her

"yes daddy" Y/n says shoving her fingers inside herself deeper

"uhhhh are you close babygirl"

"mhmm"

Shuri grinned and spat on her tip stroking it faster

"faster Y/n" Shuri breathes out

"uUhnnn" Y/n moaned going faster, covering her mouth with her eyes rolling backwards

(A/N: yall remember when Shuri said her eyes was finna be rolling back in a different direction?😏😏)

"nnf, y/n im gonna fucking cum" Shuri says emphasizing the F.

Shuri and Y/n cum at the same time

Y/n releases her hand from over her mouth breathing heavily

Meanwhile Shuri takes her hand off of her strap

"mmm i love you babygirl" Shuri says cleaning herself

"i love you too baby" Y/n says doing the same

a few minutes later after their done cleaning themselves up

"Im so tired" Shuri says with the phone in her hand, laying down grinning at Y/n

"yeah i bet..... horny ass" Y/n says playfully

Shuri chuckles at her comment

"you made me like that baby" Shuri smiles

"How?, we were texting before" Y/n chuckles

"It can happen like that"

"yeah i guess" Y/n says

"you know what you do to me?" Shuri asks Y/n

"what?"

"you make me happy, that's all i want right now" Shuri says smiling

Y/n chuckles softly

"Im glad i can do that for you baby"

"i can't wait to see you guys tomorrow baby, i miss you so much" Shuri says reffering to her son and Y/n

"i miss you too baby"

"i love you" Shuri says

"i love you too"

"i love you and Nahir more than anything else" Shuri says dragging the conversation

Y/n begins to rock her body back and forth as she lays down

"Awww" Y/n says blushing

"your so cute" Shuri says laughing

Y/n moves her head away from the camera blushing

Shuri chuckles softly

Y/n brings her back "i wanna hug you so bad"

"Me too baby"

Y/n pulls up her notification center and checks the time "Its 4am rn"

"i miss you" Shuri says changing the subject

"ok, i miss you too" Y/n chuckles

"i wish i was there too hold and kiss you" Shuri says pouting a little

"me too"

"Well... ill see you soon baby girl" Shuri says smiling with her lips pressed together.

"till tomorrow?"

"yes baby till tomorrow"

"k..." Y/n says quietly

"i love you"

Y/n shoots her head up "Dont hang up!"

"i wasn't going too" Shuri says chuckling

Shuri holds the phone close to her face

"i miss you so fucking much"

Y/n does the same thing with her phone "me too baby" "i love you so fucking much Shuri"

Shuri dozes off

"i love you too"

they both fall asleep

________________________________

i dont really like this that much tbh but,

i hoped you guys did

and this will be on my wattpad page @ooglyboooglybitxh

✌🏽

#letitia wright #shuri black panther #shuri headcanons #shuri udaku #shuriri x reader #lesbian moms #shuri x child #shuri x reader #shuri x y/n #lesbian #black panther #black panther wakanda forever #bp2 #letita wright

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feasibilities · 1 year

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Headcanons about Namor- 18+ 𓆙

Warnings: Auralism (fetish for sounds), Voyeurism, Exhibitionism, Group Sex (different genders), Aphrodisiac Foods, Breeding Kink, Masturbation, Slight Degradation, Nipple Play, Hair-Pulling, etc.

Author's Note: I told y'all that I was gonna go all out for Namor. He's nasty as hell. Sorry, not sorry. Enjoy! 😇

𓆙 Your relationship with Namor was fascinating. You were a siren of Talokan who caught his eye (ear, technically) while he was making his daily rounds. To your surprise, he asked you to live at his palace.

𓆙 He took to you almost immediately. Working as one of his sirens was a delight. He complimented your voice constantly & always asked you to sing.

𓆙 You noticed that he always offered you aphrodisiacs like Chocolate, Avocados, and Pomegranates. You pretended that you didn't see him watching you eat.

𓆙 The juice of the fruits dripped down your chin. It turned him on.

𓆙 You spend your nights admiring the decor until the sounds of the ocean lull you to sleep. You often slept nude.

𓆙 One night, you had a wet dream about Namor. In the dream, you were riding him on his throne overlooking Talokan. Your moans harmonized with his. He had a vice grip on your hips. You awoke when you orgasmed in the dream.

𓆙 You feverishly reached down & started fingering yourself. Wet sounds echoed through your room. You covered your mouth to muffle your moans.

𓆙 Covering your mouth meant nothing as Namor heard you grunting in your sleep & came to check on you. He stood in the doorway and watched you obliviously fuck yourself.

𓆙 Namor’s hearing was extremely sensitive. He could hear the most minute sounds of surrounding marine life. He could even hear the movement of tectonic plates below the ocean floor.

𓆙 Sounds of pleasure were his favorite. He could hear how someone's heartbeat flutters as they orgasm. Moans, labored breathing, wet noises, skin hitting skin--just to name a few.

𓆙 As you approached your climax, he watched you unravel. You stopped muffling your moans. Your breasts heaved. Your legs shook as arousal spilled out of your entrance.

𓆙 Namor walked to your bed and leaned over you. He kissed you with wild abandon. You were startled, but you kissed him back. He pulled away and peered into your eyes. He asked you Jach éek'. Yéetel máax soñabas, yaakunaj. (You're so filthy. Who were you dreaming about, love?) You said Táan u betik wéetel, K'uk'ulkan. (I was dreaming about you, K'uk'ulkan.)

𓆙 He brushed his fingers against your entrance, arousal coating his index & middle. He sucked them off and used them to toy with your nipple. You moaned in bliss.

𓆙 Ko'oten tin wéetel. Yaanten ba'ax we'esik ti' teech. (Come with me. I have something to show you.) You hastily slid on a backless gown and followed behind him.

𓆙 He took you to his cave where 6 people (3 men and 3 women) were having an orgy. He enjoyed the shock on your face.

𓆙 For hours on end, all 6 people ravaged you. Feeling that many different hands overwhelmed your senses. Your screams of pleasure filled the beautiful space. Namor watched on, touching himself occasionally.

𓆙 Once they were finished, Namor laid you on a stone stab. He slowly stripped off all his clothing, only leaving his arm braces on. Everyone watched him intently.

𓆙 With due respect to your new suitors, Namor was miles ahead of them. He was fucking you so good that you went in and out of consciousness. He contorted your body in all types of positions. He managed to hit your g-spot in every position.

𓆙 He kept encouraging you to be vocal. A harmonious song of splendor was created by both of you. You clung to him desperately. Your suitors sang your praises.

𓆙 When he was getting close, he put you in the mating press position. He pulled your hair back so you couldn't leave his gaze. Ko'oten wo'osal. Ka'ach a paalal míos. (Come for me. You will bear my children.)

𓆙 His thrusts were bullish and careless. You felt like the air was being knocked fucked out of your lungs. The only sounds that could escape your mouth were pants. Tears of satisfaction rolled down your cheeks.

𓆙 At last, you felt him fill you up with one last thrust. You praised him. Je'el in Ajaw. Ya'ab in tia'al tu láakal. (Yes, my king, I'm all yours). His groan shook the entire cave and thrilled your suitors. He watched his seed drip out of you.

𓆙 Although hedonistic, Namor secretly loved having you & many others at his disposal. He knew their devotion to him was permanent. You were looking forward to bearing the children of the Feather Serpent God, especially if conception began like this.

#namor #namor smut #black panther #wakanda forever #namor of talokan #talokan #k'uk'ulkan of talokan #fanfiction #smut #hcs #my writing #writers #tenoch huerta #tenoch huerta mejia #namor imagine #namor x reader #love #bp2 #liikik talokan

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spaceshipsandpurpledrank · 1 year

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"Why wouldn't this white man understand my outwardly racist views?"

#talkin #tik tok #bp2 #mexicans #racism #antiblackness #podcasts #black panther 2 #i....#relationships #dating

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dramaqueeenamby · 1 year

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Easy | T'Challa Udaku

A/N: My god, BP2 was such an emotional ride. This is a product of all of the emotions I'm still reeling from. I have not written for BP in probably a year+, so I apologize for the rustiness.

Warnings: ANGST.

Words: 3K

You can find my other works HERE.

++++++++++++DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN BLACK PANTHER: WAKANDA FOREVER++++++++++++

-----------

Loving him was easy.

Maybe too easy.

Maybe things would have been easier if he wasn’t so easy. So easy to admire, so easy to be drawn to, so easy to feel an ungodly amount of love and adoration for.

But maybe that was just T’Challa. With his beautiful smile and brilliant mind, few paths seemed to lead to some place loveless. He was the embodiment of attraction, from the way he spoke, to the way he conducted himself, to the way he loved.

Yeah….easy seemed to be unavoidable.

A small smile makes its way to your face as you reminisce on your first meeting all those years ago.

“Would you just tell me already?”

Nakia simply looks over at you with that same bored yet tempted expression. “And ruin the surprise? Never.”

She laughs, clearly amused by your frustration, by the lack of patience for which you’ve still struggled to fully comprehend.

You’d just completed your War Dog training and had been assigned to Nakia, to shadow her on a few missions and prove that you were ready for your own assignment. It was a perfect partnership, as Nakia matched your wit and sense of humor, both of which had definitely gotten you in trouble more times than you’d like to admit.

“How about a hint?”

“How about no?”

Your eyes narrowed as you nudged her. “You are enjoying this.”

“Somewhat,” she admits. You share another look before giggling together when a firm voice from behind interrupts your moment.

“Forgive me, ladies.”

“You are not forgiven,” your response is natural and instantaneous, a small smirk playing on your face. “Matter of fact, you should know better than to sneak on two lad–” The smirk drops and your ridicule is cut short by the dark eyes and curious gaze of the crowned prince who stands before you.

If Nakia was amused before, she was delighted now. You can feel her eyes still focused on you as she bumps you with her hip. “Y/N, you didn’t finish your statement. How rude.”

Your glare could burn two holes into the princess as she shakes her head and returns her focus onto Prince T’Challa.

“Yes, T’Challa?” It’s in the most random, unexpected moments that you remember while Nakia is your friend, she is also royalty. Perhaps it’s something you should commit to memory, especially given how you’ve just completely disregarded all protocol for the future ruler of Wakanda.

Finally able to pick your eyeballs off the ground, you find that T’Challa’s gaze is pinpointed on you. “Nakia is correct. It is improper to finish your statement…..”

He trails off, and you realize he’s searching for your name. Slightly dejected and still embarrassed, you answer, hastily adding a “your grace” onto the end. For good measure and respect.

He simply makes a sound before repeating your name. It feels so strange hearing your name on his mouth, strange but also….right. Shifting your stance, you’re thankful when he finally reirects his focus to Nakia. Memory of what was said between them was lost years ago, but the initial butterflies in your stomach upon your first meeting have always stayed with you.

You pray to Bast they always will.

Rolling your shoulders, your fingers dance across the fabric on your skin. It’s a piece you’d acquired since moving to Haiti. Your fingertips stroke the intricate pattern, and just like that, you’re hit with memories of laying in bed, naked, a sheen of sweat covering your back while the same fingers dance across his chest.

There are too many times that this occurred, but it’s somewhat easier to recall one of the later moments.

The silence rattles you, not because you can’t handle it. It’s because you know underneath it lies turmoil, It’s present in the way he entered you, rough, desperate, lost. Lovemaking with T’Challa was always anything but that, maybe the first of them at times, but never the latter two.

Your hands flatten against his chest, gently curving inward to draw his attention. He doesn’t move to look down, but you know he’s listening.

“Talk to me,” you implore, licking your lips. “There’s so much more room out here, my love.”

He says nothing but you feel the scoff underneath his strong chest. “There is already too much out here.”

“Nay,” you lean to kiss the underside of his jaw. “You underestimate the space, kumkani.”

Finally, allowing you a glance of his dejected expression, he counters, “and you underestimate the weight, Isithandwa.”

Sighing, your hand travels to his face. “You didn’t know, T’Challa. None of us did.” If you’re being honest with yourself, it’s still nearly incomprehensible to believe that King T’Chaka was responsible for the murder of his own brother as well as the abandonment of his nephew, T’Challa’s cousin, the man who seemed hellbent on revenge.

But not for poor reasons.

Still, the fact that so much of this falls on T’Challa, who has barely had time to mourn the loss of his father, your heart aches for the pain he refuses to show but you know he feels.

“And we cannot change the past,” you continue, though vaguely unsure of yourself. T’Challa has always been the better of you two when it came to wording things in a way that was equally beautiful as it was helpful. “But, we can make decisions now that will help us create a better future.”

“Built on what? Lies.”

“No….” Again, your hand movement shifts to his hard abdomen, as your fingers offer comforting, circular movements. “No, my love, the lies stop with you. You will be the change that will usher in a new era for Wakanda, a better era, for us all.”

Instead of the incoherent sounds you usually receive, his hand on your back tugs you just a little closer. “You have such unyielding faith in me.”

You sit on his words for a few seconds before answering thoughtfully. “I’ve questioned many things in my life, T’Challa, but not one of them has ever been you. Not your ability to rule, to protect, not even to love.” A beat. “Now I’ve maybe questioned your fashion choices at one point or another, but Shuri’s influence will hopefully start to rub off on you.”

A small yelp escapes your mouth as he flips positions so that he’s hovering over you. Your gazes lock as he lowers himself, stealing the gentlest of kisses before resting his forehead against yours. Your hands cradle his cheeks as he kisses both of your palms before shifting downward and laying against your chest. Your arms cocoon him, protecting him, offering a solace only found within your safe embrace.

“I love you, T’Challa. Never forget that.”

You once believed that the five years without T’Challa, having lost him to the Snap, was the most difficult thing you’d ever had to endure.

Clearly….clearly you were wrong.

It starts with a cough.

Nothing persistent or chronic, more inconsistent and light than anything. Probably nothing major enough to raise an eyebrow from anyone else. But you knew T’Challa, and you knew the many benefits of the heart shaped herb.

He didn’t get sick, and more importantly, the black panther didn’t get sick.

A small part of you pretended that it wasn't an issue. You were comforted by the fact that he’d been ripped away from you for five years and returned. What more heartache could possibly outweigh that?

But then the cough was no longer as infrequent, and along with it came a sort of dullness in his normally bright eyes. He seemed….weary.

You knew the weight of returning after being gone for so long weighed on him, but this….this was different.

It was also concerning, as he would come and visit at least once a month, the two of you no longer able to steal moments in time as often as you once did. You were both older now with even more responsibilities than ever before. So when he came to visit two times in a row and you noticed the same dullness, your concern definitely spiked.

It was late, and the two of you were just getting into bed. He’d only just pulled back the blankets when you finally asked.

“How long do you plan to pretend that everything is alright?”

He stands upright and his jaw ticks. “What are you talking about?”

Deflection. T’Challa never deflects. Your concern increases.

Moving across the room, you stand directly in front, looking up at him. “You know exactly what I am talking about.” When he says nothing, your hand lifts to his cheek. “Please talk to me. I am worried.”

“It’s nothing.”

“What is it, T’Challa?” Moving closer, you lay yourself against his chest, mindful of how he hesitates to reciprocate your embrace. “I need you to be honest with me.” A beat. “Or maybe I just need you to be honest with yourself.”

His body tenses underneath the weight of your own as well as your words. And finally, he answers, “something has been…..plaguing me.” Looking up, he immediately goes into comfort mode. “It is nothing to worry about, Isithandwa.”

His eyes betray him, and you can’t help how your own water. “How close are you to a cure?” His silence is the answer you don’t want to hear. It’s an answer that is not the security of promise and hope that you need in this moment.

“Y/N–”

“What-what does Shuri think?” More silence. Your eyes naturally widen. “You have not told her?” His lack of an answer adds another layer of panic as she painfully realizes, “you have not told anyone….”

“There is no need to worry anyone, Y/N.”

“But I am worried, T’Challa!” You whisper harshly, mindful of your volume as not to disturb or let alone awake the last person who needs to be hearing this conversation. “Do you not think I have not noticed how long this has lasted? You have been sick for weeks, months maybe, and if there is no cure in sight, then who is to say you will get better?”

He shakes his head, cupping your face. “Aye, listen to me.” The tears are falling, and his thumb goes to brush them away. “You once told me that you have never doubted me. Do you remember this? Hmm?”

Sniffling, you manage to nod and murmur, “yes.”

Relieved, he tucks you into him, his chin resting on the top of your head. “So trust me now, Y/N. Have faith.”

His words still haunt you, still bring the sting of tears to your eyes and the sharp flash of pain in your chest. Realizing that the man you love has limited time left on earth is a pain like none other. But watching him gradually decline, knowing that there’s nothing you can do….that is a hurt too explosive to even describe.

For his sake, you both acted normal. Same smiles, just a little dimmer. Same laughter, just an octave lighter. Same love, not a damn thing different. Some days you wonder if that was for the better or for the worse. Was it staying and operating out a state of denial? Could you have maybe delayed it, prevented it even if there was more of a sense or urgency?

Because even when you both sat him down, when you were finally honest about T’Challa’s condition, about where his path was leading him, it still felt bitterly hopeful. Like it was a maybe instead of a definitely.

Maybe this will happen, instead of this is going to happen.

But you also knew this wasn’t a decision that you could make by yourself. And truth be told, it wasn’t even a decision T’Challa could make, which disgusted you. How could a man like T’Challa, your sweet, kind love be subjected to such a cruel ending? An ending so unbecoming of the majestic man that he was.

This is when the anger kicks in, the rage at having him taken from you not once, not twice, but three times. Why the hell did you all have to be dealt such a vile card? What travesties could you have done, could he have done to deserve this ending?

In the final weeks, days even, items were dropped or were thrown, tempers were short, clearly, and interactions felt so much more heavy. You still beat yourself up for being so consumed by your own emotions that maybe you weren’t present enough for him when he needed you the most.

That also happens a lot, that feeling of it not being enough. Not enough of him. Not enough of you all. Not enough time.

Not enough of…..anything.

And then that ceremony, the damn goodbye that he decided would be just for them, that was the moment you realized that T’Challa wouldn’t be returning for another visit. This was the last time, and it broke you. Of that night, you don’t remember much, just the absolute agony and grief that tore through your entire being. It’s such a blur, but the pain felt is a constant.

That last goodbye…..even reflecting back on it is too much to bear, too much to try to swallow. Maybe someday you’ll be able to dwell on it….but now….now is too soon, much too soon.

What does stand out is the days following the notice you received that he’d passed on to be with the ancestors.

Washing the dishes was the last thing you wanted to do, but the dishwasher was giving an error code, and you couldn’t bring yourself to seek out someone who could fix it. Especially when that someone you would usually call is no longer available.

Wiping at your face with the back of your hand had become a habit, one that had caused the skin on your face to become tender, harsh even from the constant friction. But the final straw was dropping the glass plate in your hand onto the floor, shattering all over the tile.

You cursed, leaning down to gather the pieces only to not pay close enough attention, accidentally slicing the palm of your hand.

Hissing loudly, you lifted your arm, observing the blood leave the open wound. You do nothing to stop it, watching it continue to spill, even aiding in the process as you apply pressure around the area. It’s a fruitless effort though, because the physical pain is nothing in comparison to your emotional pain.

Overcome with that same emotion, you bring yourself to your feet and storm out the door, running toward the beachfront.

T’Challa always loved the water and wanted you two to be away from everyone else, both for your comfort as well as your privacy and overall safety.

Falling to your knees, your hands brace against the grainy sand as a loud, guttural, visceral scream erupts from the deepest part of your soul. But, it’s not enough. So you go again. And again. And again. Continuing to scream until your voice breaks, as does your resolve.

Now on your side, sobs rake through your entire body, you wails bouncing off the waves of the water.

It’s both comforting and suffocating. A release and a limitation. A blessing and a curse.

“How-how could you leave me?” The question is posed to no one, to everyone, to anyone who will listen. “How could you leave us!” The interrogative nature quickly transitions to a demanding tone, a plea, a beg for mercy. “You said-you said to have faith, and I–I did.” You continue to wail, shaking your head. “And where are you now? WHERE ARE YOU, T’CHALLA?”

Stomach throbbing and eyes burning, your vision is blurred by pain, but you manage to twist your body when small but firm arms wrap around you and a body is pressed against yours. The familiar smell of shea and cocoa butter fills your nostrils as you look down and nearly cave again.

“I’m right here, mama,” your son’s words hit you deeper than anything you could have imagined. And another wave of tears overcomes you as he repeats himself and holds you even tighter. “I’m right here.”

You’re not sure if Challa, as both you and T’Challa took to calling him even when he was still in your womb, will ever be able to fully comprehend the depth and importance of his words. His comfort in that moment pulling you from a darkness you’d never encountered. A darkness you’re not sure you would have been able to save yourself from without him.

It’s been roughly a year since that night, that evening where your greatest blessing saved you from your greatest battle. And every day is a struggle, there’s always moments where you find yourself encountering a memory, missing a touch, yearning for that love.

But then Challa will smile at you, and you’re reminded that death…is never the end.

You remember that loving T’Challa was always so easy because it was inevitable.

“You’re always with me, my love,” you speak upward, smiling softly. “And you always will be.”

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