I don't purposefully diagnose all of my favourite characters with my personality disorder they just all happen to have it and I collected them like beach rocks

Me when all of my faves have borderline, are autistic and have a weird relationship with gender. (Not Steve tho. I can't bpdify Steve. I've read the fanfic and it's good but like, it's just not Steve yk.)

the second i figure out how to draw the hotel staff its all over for you bitches

Am I the Asshole for taking my SIL to an anime convention?

My (42M) SIL (29F) has autism and was living with my MIL until she suddenly passed away from heart failure back in 2022. My wife (40F) and I both knew SIL likes to cosplay and go to conventions. Figuring that’s something she and MIL did together, I decided to tell her I want to take her to an anime convention the following year. We chose one that worked out for all of us, timeline wise, along with the costs of transportation, hotel, etc.

Now, this may be a controversial opinion, but I hate anime; nearly all of it is hypersexualized (aside from one, which I’ll get into in a moment). It makes me cringe that my oldest daughter (13F) loves anime, and that that’s all she ever wants to watch. Personally, I feel she’s getting too old for cartoons, but since I also have two younger children, I let it slide.

Prior to actually leaving for con, SIL had sent emails of videos and blogs all about attending anime conventions. Clearly eager to prepare us. She also had outbursts over all sorts of things and lashed out at us on multiple occasions; her emails were often filled with negativity, and simmering rage. In between all of this, we had her relocate to an apartment closer to us.

Anyway, SIL, my daughter, and I go to the airport, we get to the hotel and check-in. We explored the city for a few hours. Now, before all of this, SIL claims she has a “low heat tolerance”, and complained the entire time whenever we walked from Point A to Point B; yes, the city the con was at has good transit and yes I insisted we walk anyway. It’s good exercise! This led to her throwing a fit when we reached a museum I really wanted to check out. We took an Uber back to the hotel and I don’t hear from her again until the next day when we met up to have lunch.

She’s cosplaying a character I don’t recognize and doesn’t tell me anything about them when I asked; it was clearly supposed to be a boy character, though.

Next day, I got a text from SIL; she unexpectedly got her period. Great. Since she asked, I run and get her some pads, only to have to wait an hour in line. Also great. She’s cosplaying another character I don’t recognize. Some magical creature or a doll of some kind. Anyway, us three go into one of the viewing rooms to screen this anime SIL was insistent on showing us. Some Sherlock thing. My daughter likes it, and I’ll admit, I enjoyed it too; I think it is very kid friendly.

Last day, once again, I don’t see or hear from SIL until we meet up in the hotel lobby waiting for our ride to the airport. Seems she had a good time though. She was dressed as one of the kids from that hero anime my daughter likes. She also bought my daughter an axolotl plush (her favorite animal). Going through security was hell; SIL had the nerve to have an attitude the whole time (again later claiming she was overheated and cranky from her period). After we got home she claimed she was never traveling anywhere with me again.

In the days following, she returned the luggage my wife had leant her, having booby trapped it with a photo with the glass broken. Then informs me that her account was overdrawn (I would have gladly paid for more than I did, if she hadn’t been so bitchy).

When we went to her apartment to discuss this, she made the same claims: that she was tired and cranky from the heat, made worse from her period, that I was stressing her out half the time, but that she was grateful despite that because when her mom died, anime conventions were the first thing she was ready to give up.

She also claimed the photo she broke was taken the same year she first attempted to take her own life, and that triggered a panic attack on top of the meltdown she had after returning home.

And the kicker: apparently her mother barely spent any time at conventions, and only sometimes tagged along because she “wanted a vacation”.

Now she claims that I -I repeat I- ruined that Sherlock anime for her. And now is planning to attend a few more cons…Alone.

So what say you? Am I the Asshole?

What are these acronyms?

Guys. I finally finished book 4.

Sebek doesnt go home for winter break, deciding to stay with Yuu and Grim in Ramshackle (He feels left out by Dia 3 and decides to stay back, not willing to put himself through more heartbreak) (Yuu and Grim dont question him when he appears in front of their dorm with a luggage bag)

Sebek wanted to see Dia 3 off when they leave through the Magic Mirror only to get there with Adeuce Yuu and Grim and find out they leave without bidding him goodbye

Adeuce's opinion on Dia 3 are slowly souring

Bump into Jamil and the rest of Scarabia!! Decide to help them with cooking. Idc about that theory that the culinary crucible cards that have their bows not properly done r bad cooks SEBEK CAN COOK AND I STAND BY THIS !!!

heads up! Sebeks previous interactions with Jamil (namely the ceromonial robes vignette) has already skewered his personal opinion on him, so he doesnt get suspicious of him until its too late

Something something about how easy it is for Sebek to love admire and respect someone something something about how he lets it blind him to peoples faults sometimes

SEBEK LOVES IT IN SCARABIA OMGG ITS SO WARM. Those green flames in Diasomnia heat JACKSHIT smh

The carpet likes messing around with Sebek and Yuu has to stop him from trying to set it aflame/lh

When they take to the skies, Yuu takes the time to look at Sebek and Grim and just be. Insanely glad that theyre with them (AUGHHH THEY MAKE ME SICKKK)

Kalim's "mood swings" do NOT mix well with Sebek "autism" Zigvolt. Works well in Jamil's favor because Yuu gets upset on both Sebek and Grim's behalf

The whole thing with Yuu unable to say no because of Jamil's UM and Sebek and Grim scolding them, but the former admits that it leaves a sour taste in his mouth if they leave Jamil without helping for some reason

Try to escape and FAIL spectacularly. Try to call the headmage, and Grim eventually tells Yuu to message Adeuce. Sebek messages Jack ("Why do you even have his number in the first place 🤨" "It is none of your concern, human!")

Sebek stops Grim from trying to dig their way out with a spoon, knowing it would be fruitless, and makes him rest

They have the talk with Jamil and the other dorm students !! When Jamil mentions why exactly he needs to be compliant to all of Kalim's wishes, Yuu whispers about how that sounds like someone they know. Sebek tries to ask them what they mean but Yuu says its nothing

Sebek criticizes the Al-Asims and Jamil is surprised by how passionate he is about the topic (Yuu tries their best not to call Sebek a hypocrite with how he's been excusing all of his Wakasama's actions that are CLEARLY hurting him) (Malleus sneezes in Briar Valley)

Jamil also finds out that technically Sebek is a servant as well, although it was by his own will. He questions how Sebek could so easily dedicate his whole life to someone just like that. Yuu agrees, mentioning how his Wakasama doesnt even seem to give him the time of day, which doesnt help

THEY ESCAPE WITH THE HELP OF THE CARPET 🔥🔥🔥 and crash into Octavinelle

Skipping a lot of chapters over here since nothing really changes drastically. Sebek goes with Floyd, Yuu, Grim and Azul to distract Jamil. He plays a board game with Yuu :3

Skipping again, they find out about Jamil's whole scheme and Sebek is CRUSHED to find out that someone he looks up to is actually a bad guy. Jamil once again ignores the teeny tiny guilt he feels upon seeing Sebek's distressed face

Something something about being the one praised for once something something about how Sebek freely gives his love and praise to anyone he believes deserves it and how Jamil feels appreciated even though he wont admit it

OVERBLOT GRAHHHHHH

Flings them to the edge of the desert, Sebek holds onto Yuu and Grim so he would be the one to get the brunt of injuries upon impact. It doesnt help that its cold

OASIS MAKER 🗣️🔥🔥🔥 Sebek uses his crocodile form to carry Yuu and Grim (Yuu was against it because WHAT THE FUCK SEBEK YOURE INJURED)

Fighting Jamil! Sebek connects with Jamil, servant to servant and all that shit, saying that what he's doing wont change a thing. Starts off insulting him ("SEBEK YOURE NOT HELPING???") before going "Will you really let yourself stoop so low and let them take the last laugh!?"

"You have talent and skill that could make others envious, and you're using them for what? Stealing some title? If it was truly yours to begin with, then prove it! Do you really want to become housewarden through such underhanded tactics?" "I truly admire you, Viper, so don't tell me that I placed my faith in someone so imprudent!"

Jamil scolds him, saying that Sebek of all people should understand why Jamil's doing this in the first place. Tells him that he can help him as well, offering his hand. Sebek doesn't take it

He gets in a bit of a funk after that, not being able to understand why Sebek is just okay with being a servant all his life, getting more aggressive with his attacks while the others try to push him back. He still has his hand stretched out towards Sebek, screaming about how he should understand

Azul tells them theyre running out of time, and Jamils going to be too consumed by his blot for any of them to snap him out of it. Against his better judgment, Sebek grabs Jamil's hand, Yuu barely holding onto Sebek's jacket when they tried to pull him back

FLASHBACK!!! Sebek and Yuu finally acknowledge each others existence when they watch the memories play out. When nearing the end, Yuu asks Sebek why he cares so much about this "Wakasama" when its clear that they dont care for him. Sebek doesnt answer

BACK TO THE REAL WORLD!!! Azul tries to convince Jamil to transfer to Octavinelle, and after some thinking decides to extend the invitation towards Sebek. Sebek immediately refuses. Yuu retorts and says the only dorm Sebek is ever transferring to is Ramshackle. (They look at each other like 🤨)

Jamil tells Sebek that he still doesn't understand why Sebek would want to serve someone his whole life. Sebek tells him that he doesn't need him to understand since it's his own decision anyway. Jamil contemplates on his answer

PARTY!!!! Adeuce and Jack FINALLY arrive and fuss over Yuu Sebek and Grim, still not admitting that they were worried

Yuu realizes that Sebek still didnt answer the question. When they ask Sebek about what happened in the memory Sebek feigns obliviousness

Finally back at Ramshackle,,, the ghosts are RELIEVED to see them again. They usher Sebek into the house, noticing how Sebek is SHIVERING

Before Yuu gets in as well, Lilia pops up, saying that they have something to give them. After he gives them the postcard and disappears, Sebek goes out to shout at Yuu to come inside

Yuu shows him the card and Sebek's face FALLS (YOU SEND YUU A POSTCARD BUT NOT. SEBEK. OKAY I SEE HOW IT IS !!!)

Yuu tries to ask him whats wrong, but Sebek says that its getting too cold outside and heads in. Yuu stares at the postcard like it just killed their entire family

"M.D." has a #1 hater and it's YUU 🗣️🔥🔥🔥

EDIT: I FORGOT TO MENTION FUCKKKK Sebek picks the stone up before Grim does, intending to throw it away only to become curious as to why Grim likes them so much. He pockets it instead

AUHUGHUG FINALLY DONE 😭😭😭 im goign to try and finish book 5 next !!

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 2

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

Propaganda under the cut

Jessica Day (New Girl)

"She brakes for birds, she watches her favourite movie several times when upset, she is more comfortable at home than at the club, she struggles with being flirty, she's a geek, her humor isn't always understood by others, and she's in love with Nick Miller."

Daniel LaRusso (Karate Kid)

"Man... he has represented every bullied kid just wanting to prove themself since the 80s. I can relate to him coming from a single parent family, starting a new school and struggling to fit in. He kind of makes things worse for himself too by retaliating and trying to stand up for himself and pulling pranks without using his goddamn brain. He just has the worst luck constantly. Gets on the wrong side of the high school bad boys on day 1. Gets a crush, turns out it's the ex of the leader of the bad boys. Wants to learn karate to try and defend his scrawny ass, the only karate class in town is where ALL the bad boys learn. That's how being a teenager feels. In the end he ends up kicking their asses and proving himself. I guess that's how we all want to feel. Also the first thing he does when he moves into a new place isn't sort out his luggage or anything. He fills a bowl of water for a dog outside. Me too kid. Me too."

Omota Uramichi (Life Lessons with Uramichi Oniisan)

"He's extremely tired dead inside all the time for extremely relatable reasons such as annoying colleages and bosses, dreams not working out, being stuck in a job he doesn't really like, and just adult life being a bitch. But even so, he still has to keep up a happy facade."

Jack Spicer (Xiaolin Showdown)

"- He's a gifted kid who doesn't get taken seriously despite having some clear skill - So fucking gay it's unreal - He wants validation so badly dude - Alternative fashion icon - Autism beast - Trans in my heart (but he's canonically respectful of people's preferred pronouns so even if he isn't, yes king)"

Hatsune Miku (Vocaloid)

"number 1 princess in the whole world"

Eichi Tenshouin (Ensemble Stars)

"gay"

AUTISM ACCEPTANCE

Prompt day 4: April 4

Airport/Travel AU

Word count: 1000

@wolfstarmicrofic

“No, no you don't understand!” Sirius said, trying his hardest not to yell. “My first flight had a delayed take off, but I still arrived here in time. The planes have not even left yet! It’s right there! I don’t understand why you won't let me board. I have my boarding pass and I don’t have any luggage except my carry-on and my backpack.”

“Sir, I’m sorry but policy states that you have to be here and board with the rest of your class. You showed up after we closed the door.”

“So open it! Please, please.” Sirius begged

“I'm sorry sir. I’ll have security escort you to the front desk and you can talk to them about refunding your ticket.”

“No!” Sirius snapped when a hand gripped his bicep and gave him a small tug.

“Come on pal.” The security officer said and Sirius’ shoulders slumped and he followed security away from the gate.

Sirius couldn’t believe he missed his flight, he needed that flight. He might miss his brother's wedding.

Sirius felt like everything was falling apart and it had started two weeks ago when his brother called and said he was eloping but wanted Sirius there but when Sirius tried to book the flights, there was none to be had.

Sirius felt like he couldn’t breath, his chest felt heavy and all the sounds were muffled like he was underwater. His heart beat so loudly he swore he could feel it pulsating in his ears.

“Aye, mate. You okay?” The security officer asked Sirius as he guided him to sit down.

Sirius started crying, explaining through broken sobs everything that had happened over the last two weeks, just one thing after another.

“Where do you need to go?” he asked in a tone Sirius could only assume was curious.

“Hockwold Hall,” Sirius said, “I was supposed to get that flight from here to Stansted and then get a cab.”

“Oh, what an odd coincidence. That’s actually my hometown. I can just take you there.” The man said with a shrug like it was not that big of a deal.

Sirius looked over at the man in surprise. No one was that kind and to take a stranger in your own vehicle was just proof this guy was naive. For all the other man knew, Sirius could be an axe murderer or something. But he seemed nice enough. His eyes were a soft golden brown and his hair was, wow. Sirius was pretty sure a bird was nesting in that mess of brown curls but he was far too polite to say so.

“Look, I get off in an hour and then we’ll head that way. ‘Ight?” The man asked.

Sirius nodded.

“Great! I’m Remus by the way,” the officer said, rising back to his feet. Sirius realised then how tall Remus was. He towered over his five foot six frame.

“Sirius,” he mumbled.

“Cool. See you, soon starman!” Remus called back to him as he left Sirius sitting on the floor near the security office.

A little over an hour later saw Sirius placing his carry-on into the boot of a beat up old Skoda that Sirius was pretty sure would break down on the side of the road within minutes. Sirius had no idea how it passed its MOT. Sirius sat into the passenger seat and began to question himself. Maybe Sirius was in fact the naive one and Remus was the axe murderer. Remus sat down into the driver's seat and turned the key in the ignition before pulling out onto the road. Sirius prayed silently that he wouldn’t die.

What should have been a four hour drive was taking nearly twice as long. Sirius’ leg bounced and his hands wrung the hem of his shirt. His nervousness and stress wasn’t aided by the fact that there was nothing to distract him.

Remus played no music on the radio, saying it distracted him. He knew the drive so well that he lowered his speed limiter nearly a half a mile before each change and raised it only after the end speed limit sign. When Sirius asked why, Remus explained that it allowed for a gradual decrease in speed and thus a smoother drive instead of having to react and suddenly use the braking system. He held the steering wheel with both hands exactly at ten and two and used his signals religiously.

He didn't speak unless Sirius asked him a question which Remus answered so formally and almost like a professor. So Sirius took to pestering Remus with any question he could think of to keep some form of conversation going, and in sick pleasure to see if he could crack Remus and make him loosen up. But Sirius could tell Remus didn't mind because he would often smile or snort before answering and a few times Sirius made him laugh.

When Remus drove into the grassy parking area of the hall and turned off the engine he finally grinned. “Made it safely. Great job girl” Remus said, petting the dashboard of his vehicle like it was a wild beast.

Sirius let out a surprised chuckle. “Thank you for the ride,” Sirius said softly. “I know this was well out of your way.”

“Nah. My parents live literally across the street. I plan to just surprise them and stop by for a few days. Do you know where you're going from here?”

Sirius shook his head no.

“Well no use making you suffer, come on” he said, opening his door and starting for the entrance. “They will likely be round the back using the gardens for the ceremony and the back building for the reception.” Remus explained as Sirius practically ran to catch up.

Remus directed Sirius through the reception rooms to the back entrance and pointed to the small set up out back. “There you have it.”

Sirius bit his lip and then whispered, “would you like to stay, as my date?”

Remus grinned.

A Gift

Fanfic • agere • Caregiver! Alfred Pennyworth, Regressor! Bruce Wayne • AO3

Babybat fic I did real quick last night!! Big fan of incorporating Bruce's autism into his regression, so there's a lot of that here. He's just a lil guy!! He loves trains!!

“Would you like to go in there?”

Bruce was snapped out of his trance by a gentle call. Bruce had been looking through a store window, completely entranced by the display inside. The cold wind biting at his ears, the snow falling on his cheeks, it all melted away as soon as he saw it. It was, in a word, magnificent.

“What? I - No, we should get going,” When Bruce turned back to Alfred, Alfred wasn’t there. He looked back in the window - the butler was already in the store chatting up the clerk. A look wouldn’t hurt, he supposed.

Bruce, against his own will, instantly got butterflies when he went to the store. He felt like a kid in a candy shop, but the goods were much better than sweets. He was surrounded by shelves and shelves of brand new, beautiful, trains.

Model trains lined every wall, many making loops around the perimeter that he craned his neck up to see. He couldn’t help the gleeful smile that spread across his face. Bruce loved trains. Ever since he was a boy and he helped his father set up their decorative train set for the holiday party, he was in love. They were so beautiful to him, he loved knowing every moving mechanism that made such a powerful machine go so far - and the models were no different. Even better, by a certain measure. They were lovingly crafted at a teeny tiny size, perfect to pick up and inspect all the little details.

“Are you going to look around, then?” Alfred made him realize he hadn’t left the doorway. He immediately shuffled in, paying no mind to his dripping wet coat while marveling at the whole store. He walked in excited strides, shoving his hands in his pockets to keep himself from handling all of the merchandise. The temptation was great though, as they all stood in neat rows to be marveled at. Bruce bounced up and down on his toes. He gasped,

“Hey Alfred, come over here!” Alfred came over with a smile, making work of Bruce’s wet coat while his ward rambled about one of the models in front of him.”

“This is the Bachmann HO 50556 USRA Switcher - isn’t it beautiful? It was made in this bright green and red because it was the ‘north pole’ line for christmas. We used to have one remember? In the office?”

“Yes, dear boy, I do remember that one,” There was a fond lilt in Alfred’s voice, considering how often he’d heard about that particular train in Bruce’s youth.

“Oh and this one here is an Athearn Genesis, and this one is a … a…”

Bruce trailed off, looking wide eyed at the display he just spotted in the back. No thought toward the end of his sentence, he gravitated to it, mouth practically agape.

It was a beautiful winter wonderland, with a little town and a ski slope and a water tower. There were children sledding, post workers delivering letters to santa, and best of all-

“A Raton Train locomotive…”

Bruce’s eyes twinkled as he lowered down to the level of the train. He rested his arms on the stand, watching wistfully as the train made its rounds through the elegant little town.

“What have you found there, Master Bruce?” the fondness had doubled in Alfred’s voice, as Bruce sat on the floor and stared like he was a little boy again.

“It’s a Raton Alfred! They’re so wonderfully made, look at that gold finish! I always loved the old locomotives, and this one is just gorgeous. Oh my goodness,” Bruce got even closer to the little train, “The details in these cars! There’s a dining car and a luggage car and… wow. Wow!”

“That sounds lovely, sir. How you could see into those little cars while they’re moving I’ll never know,” Alfred chuckled.

Bruce sprung up and looked around for the clerk. He walked up to the counter, suddenly feeling a little shy. He tried his best to look at the clerk’s face and not where he fidgeted with his sweater.

“Um, excuse me… could I, um, could I please stop that train over there? It’s um, to show my dad.”

“Of course,” The clerk smiled, “little switch on the underside of the table.”

“Thank you!” Bruce practically ran back to the table, ducking under to find the switch.

Alfred’s attention hit a wall at “to show my dad”. To show my dad. To show my dad. He repeated the phrase in his head, looking back down at his giddy son.

"See Alfred, look!" Bruce carefully picked up one of the cars and showed it to Alfred.

"Oh, that's just lovely, darling." Bruce flushed under the praise.

"Would you like one?"

Bruce looked back to the set with wide eyes, then back at Alfred.

"Like - Like the whole thing? The whole set?"

"Yes, dear boy. One of the many perks of being a millionaire," Alfred joked. Bruce couldn't contain his joy, his muscles tightening as he curled inward and flapped his hands with a huge smile.

"Oh really Alfie, really? I can keep it?" Alfred's heart squeezed. "Yes of course - If it's available?" Alfred asked toward the clerk, who nodded in agreement.

Once all the parts were packed and loaded into the car, Bruce couldn't keep but hold the locomotive box in the front with special care. He curled his arms around it, holding it tight to himself like a teddy bear. Bruce happily rocked back and forth, reading every bit of text on the box as they drove off.

"Well, that was lots of fun wasn't it, dear?" Bruce nodded and hummed in response.

"Um Alfred can, um can we put it up when we get home? In the living room where we used to?"

"Of course," fond warmth overtook the both of them as they remembered the holidays with Martha and Thomas. Alfred was on the lookout for signs of Bruce's mood turning, it often did when reminded of his parents. But the turn never came, Bruce continuing to rock and rattle off facts about his new toy all the way home. A wonderful gift, indeed.

I feel like I’m chronically not okay but idk if I’m valid enough to label myself as chronically ill. I am able to work 40h a week but with the cost of laying in bed the rest of the day when I’m back home. In the weekends I sleep mostly. My room is a disaster because I never have the energy to tackle the chaos. I wished I was able to walk to work and back but standing for more than 15 min is already exhausting me and I get dizzy and lightheaded. I am constantly in pain, my normal pain level is on good days at a 2 on bad days it’s at a 4 or 5 but maybe I’m too modest about my pain due to fear of admitting I’m not okay. I am always tired even if I sleep usually enough. At times I feel more refreshed with only 4 hours of sleep hell knows why. I am waking up daily at 5:45am to get myself ready for 8am work. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be a functioning adult. I am scared of the moment I will unmask bcs im masking daily due to Audhd. Plus daily I’m confused because we are often switching and my quality at work at times fluctuating and my TLs wondering wtf bcs we know u know all the processes so wtf. Daily I feel like I know only a specific part of the processes and I have days where I ask so many questions that one of the TLs told me they are growing gray hairs bcs of me asking so much. The doctors in my country are shit when I mentioned suspecting we are a system they said nah it’s just ur anxiety. When I questioned if I have adhd my former psych said nah only kids can have it. My former therapist said yeah after unofficially diagnosing me with it. Autism I suspect that too and I got my confirmation more or less from my bf who’s on the spectrum as well. He got his confirmation he has adhd as well by me noticing lots of adhd things in him and he has now meds whilst me is in this godforsaken country that isn’t taking me seriously. I got my confirmation I have adhd when I took speed and realised for the first time "so this is how neurotypicals experience their life?" I for once had a train of thoughts in order and not a carambolage of luggage’s getting stuck in the baggage claim belt. I sobbed so hard. On good days I am able to remember and memorise lots of shit. But on bad days I barely anything. My body is out of control. I have pcos and it’s ravaging my body. I grow hair on my chin and arms and it’s making me uncomfortable and I developed anxiety about having hair in my face to the point over pluck and over shave it. My period is out of control. I either bleed for 2 months consecutive or I don’t have my period for 6 months. I am anemic due to it. I am such a pale human that I’m constantly being asked if I am okay. Oh yeah not to forget having an autoimmune disease since I am 2 years old. Having to deal with psoriasis break outs each winter where I end up being covered on my legs, arms , ass with skin patches of psoriasis. At times it’s even in my eyebrows and on my scalp. Each winter is a torture for me. I am battling with depression as well. Luckily this last year it wasn’t so overbearing and I felt more human than I used to in the past. Nonetheless my anxiety is ravaging and leaving me crippled daily. I sound ridiculous talking about myself rn bcs in my brain I feel like you aren’t this sick or unwell you are faking this you are a horrible human for saying all this things but I know it’s probably my internal ableism and the internal critical subconsciously developed voices of my surroundings telling me I’m not actually sick and I need to go to work even if sick etc. Sigh. Idk where I wanted to go with this whole post. I know you guys don’t see often a personal post from me or posts from me and more reblogs of stuff I enjoy seeing and stuff I wanna boost and stuff I find important or relatable or stuff that I think might make someone feel better and less anxious or feel seen. I hope this is fine. I hope being more real is helpful. Maybe I should do this rambling on my other blog @unfilteredrealities where I tried to talk about life in a real way , unfiltered. You can even send in your own submissions if u want to.

Anyway thanks for reading my ted talk.

TLDR: I don’t know if I’m actually chronically ill and if I’m valid enough to label myself as that and then I rambled about my life experiences with audhd, did, anxiety, depression, pcos, psoriasis and there are more but I’m exhausted.

alright let's do meganparker for some of the fun ones: 3, 12, 13, 21, 27, 45, 49

oh joyous day i get to be insane about them for a bit

adding a readmore b/c it's a bit lengthy

3. What was their first impression of each other?

parker was initially sort of... nervous? they were rivals. he didn't know this until he saw a tabloid about it. so he's like "oh no :( she hates me :(" but also sometimes leaned into the bit for fun. because it was ridiculously easy to make her frustrated by just playing blaseball. and then she starts like, talking to him, and he's initially suspicious. he was like, "nobody would come up and talk to me and try to get to know me if they were not pranking me." so he was a little cold initially. megan, who has just broken up with clare for the 10th time since high school (and keeps promising everyone it's final), is... okay wait i have images (IDs in alt, lmk if they don't work).

so like. yeah she's normal

12. Do they have a difficult time when separated from each other, or are they fairly independent?

parker has a difficult time away from megan. megan doesn't have a difficult time away from parker, except for occasionally worrying that he's "found someone better." megan is kind of parker's shield and safety net in a lot of social situations. megan is also a little overcontrolling and she worries what will happen if she's not there to "save" him.

13. How do they keep in contact when they’re apart? Do they write letters, talk on the phone, or simply wait out the time?

phone! they're both moving around a lot, so letters aren't practical. sometimes they'll leave notes for each other in luggage or lockers before they go to wherever it is they need to go. megan jokingly faxed a message for him to his mom's office once and the coin nearly killed her over it, so that's the last time that happened.

21. Do they enjoy domestic life?

alright. so this one is complicated.

for the most part, parker enjoys domestic life. parker would make such a good house husband. he really just wants to do mundane tasks all day and then just chill with someone in the evenings. like one of the images above says, he just wants to sit on the couch with someone while they watch TV and let out sad little sighs for no reason. he craves normalcy and routine (The Autism), and just wishes that his biggest problem was like, how to file his taxes, and not that he kills anyone he gets close to.

megan is more of a "live fast die young" kind of person. she doesn't want to grow old and wants to keep adventuring and going out late/coming home early. she's spontaneous and stubborn, and once she's decided she wants to do something, she'll do it. and she'll drag whoever she wants along with her. she doesn't take no for an answer really well (and parker doesn't GIVE no for an answer very well). she can't stand being in one spot for too long and just wants to travel and see the world and party until she dies. parker would rather die than go to a frat party

27. How do they say “I love you” non-verbally?

parker: going to crowded places/parties with her, doing chores for her, baking for her, bumping his head against her shoulder (he's shorter than her).

megan: listening to him ramble about spiders, watching documentaries/doing other "boring" things, remembering his favorite foods and periodically ordering them for him, kissing his forehead or hand.

45. How do they support each other? How do they rely on each others support?

um. teehee. they have a codependent relationship. parker left his mom's house and really had no idea what to do with having his own agency for the first time in his life, and just like, got in a relationship with someone who was also possessive and overbearing and demanding (although megan's nowhere near as bad as the coin). parker relies on her for security; he has learned his entire life that everything he does is wrong, that he can't trust himself or his emotions, he's "insane" and "makes stuff up," and he could never be independent. megan relies on him for assurance and consistency; she needs someone who won't leave, no matter how bad things get for both of them. eventually, it gets bad enough, and he DOES leave. and it fucks her up.

49. Do they keep secrets from each other?

absolutely. megan hooked back up with clare at some point while she and parker were on a break. she also will never admit that she is scared of his mom, or that she's scared in general. she will never admit that parker's scary when he's mad and she wishes she could override the instinct to escalate situations because holy fuck he's scary when pissed.

parker will never tell her that she does things that remind him of his mom (at least, he doesn't until they get into that final big argument). he won't tell her that she makes him uncomfortable sometimes and he wished he was listened to more, even though it's "not really a big deal." he's never told her who his father is (Namerifeht) and lies whenever she asks. he will never, under any circumstances, admit that he's fallen out of love with her and in love with someone else to her face, because he can't help but think that she would trap him or hurt him (she wouldn't, but the fear is persistent). he doesn't even say it when they break up.

I Will Not Lose Her

(Written August 25, 2016, edited in 2024)

When a cataclysmic storm rages between friends, we often look at the relationship itself.  What went wrong?  That is what I did with her.  I examined the relationship.  I am sure she did as well.  However, I think a deeper part of me had a better, though unclear, understanding.

It was not the relationship.  It was me.  I was changing.  I had changed.  I had begun to yell.  I hate yelling and confrontation.  I had become rude and aggressive.  I made her uncomfortable, and made her feel embarrassed around her friends.  I would commiserate over events for days.  I had become particular and fixed.  Meaningless things stuck in my craw.  That was not the me I had been before.

What happened to the person who bought her a flower every payday?  What happened to the person who played with her like a puppy, right in front of her family?  Where was the person who left little notes of affection?  Where was the young adult who sat and listened to music for hours?  What happened to the person who cherished the differences between peoples?  The person I always thought I was, the person I had been was gone, buried under spite and burden, and mostly confusion.

We often point our fingers at familiarity.  Routine steps in, and things get dull.  Certainly, this played a role, but simple commonness would not turn playfulness into argument.  Moreover, I had lost the ability to communicate with others, of greatest note my daughter.  Something else was at work, though I could not see the condition while being consumed by it.  I had changed.  I was changing.  The me I enjoyed had been lost, left behind like a forgotten piece of luggage.

I did not know it at the time, but andropause was eating away at the younger me.  The symptoms, as I read them, did not apply, but every physiology is different.  Moreover, severe Social Anxiety was also setting in, almost to the point of phobia.  I have always been introverted, socially anxious, and awkward, but I was sinking into a much deeper abyss.  Did changing hormones fuel the anxiety, or did the anxiety alter the andropause symptoms?  Who knows?  I can only see it now because it is all done and past.

I did not leave her.  Oh, I started the separation, but it was not her I was fleeing.  I was not abandoning the relationship.  I dragged myself away from her like a dying animal sulking away from the group for the group’s protection.  I pulled the yelling, particular, touchy lunatic I had become to a safe distance.  During a mid-life crisis, most men think of fast cars and young women.  However, I sought solitude.  I hated hurting her.  I detest myself for doing so.  I needed to reclaim the original me and kill the monster I had become.  I needed to punish myself and protect the world from my beast.

The love and affection has not faded.  It has always been there, though it had to be concealed.  I needed to find music again.  I needed to learn to communicate again.  I needed to understand parts of me I had never known, and rekindle parts that had been long gone.  I have learned I am emotionally broken and immature in so many ways.  I cannot reconcile love and sex.  Introversion and Social Anxiety have always been parts of me.  I am a dweeb, a dork, unable to be adult about the emotional and social qualities of life.  I can write a book, talk sciences, teach a class, and solve problems with the best of them, but I cannot properly handle human interactions.  The human equations, the personal qualities, are knots I cannot untie.  Autism, Asperger’s, perhaps there is a sprinkle of these in my matrix.  Looking in someone’s eyes is more frightening than revealing.

I miss her.  I always will.  I dream about her more than any other person or thing.  I wake up crying several times a year, and I do not see that changing.  My hormones have settled.  I have crossed the mid-life crisis, and understand myself.  I listen to music again, and play.  I let things go.  The tensions are gone.  Life’s difficult challenges are faced straightforward.  The love is there and always will be.  I will die with her name on my lips.

I have lost her presence, though I will not lose her.

The Unfair Folk and Twisted History

---

Why Fairy Ring mushrooms used to suck

Fairy ring mushrooms were considered really bad luck in Medieval Europe because it was believed that if you stepped into the circle the fairies would scoop your soul out and make off with it. Nobody would know it had happened. Not even you. You wouldn't have a clue you were essentially operating on battery power until you just keeled over for some reason.

How the stroke got its name

The word 'stroke' doesn't just cover the medical affliction. It's an archaic term for a blow, or a hit. What we now know as having a stroke was once believed to be an attack from the Fair Folk, as the term elf-stroke was used for a while. It eventually got shortened to just 'stroke'.

Changeling children

You remember the myths of the fairies stealing human children and leaving one of their own in the stolen child's place? That led to a lot of infanticide, but where it gets REALLY creepy is when one realizes that some of the indicators of a child being a changeling match up with autism symptoms...

How paranoia killed a third of Europe's population

Remember the witch craze in the Dark Ages? How everybody's grandmother got accused of witchcraft and so many people died? What you probably don't realize is that it extended to cats. All cats. ALL cats. Not just black cats, but cats in general were believed evil and killed off. This led to a nuclear explosion in the rat population, because you know what happens when you remove any prey species' main predator... And the rats coming off of trader ships were like "Holy shit, they're doing WHAT to your cats?! Grab our luggage, honey! We're moving in!" And what comes with rats? Fleas! Lots of fleas! And the rats coming off the trader ships had real nasty fleas, and THOSE fleas bore the Black Plague. See where I'm going? More rats, more fleas...

Bad bread, ball-tripping and Salem rye

There's a not-crazy hypothesis that the Salem Witch Trials took place because of bad bread. See, in Salem they ate mostly (if not all) rye bread, and rye is prone to a fungus called ergot. Ergot contains a diluted form of the active ingredient in LSD, and it builds up in the system of whoever eats it. Throw in some ignorance and a lot of paranoia, and...

---

Or am I wrong? They certainly don't cover this stuff in History class...

Languages ranked by how slutty I sound when I speak them:

German (sounds like I'm already on my knees unzipping your pants)

English (whatever. My default speech pattern is kind of the monotone autism thing I guess)

French (sounds like the recorded message at the airport telling you not to leave your luggage unattended)

I am currently sitting in what I call the AOC: Autism Overstimulation Closet, after riding almost six hours in a cramped car full of luggage with my mother and sister. I am having a time™️

BRING IN THE BLORBOS!!!

so because of what my boyfriend has done to me with mass effect 3 i have now my own band of blorbos to put through stories through my head.

in the mass effect universe during the events of mass effect 3 special forces groups from around alliance space need to team up to repel the reaper threat.

this is not those competent ones these are the squad called "The Qualifiers" due to the fact they are the ones that just about qualified for their special ops status.

Sam

me literally just me just my self insert blorbo as the joker/squad leader/engineer of the squad, not over powered just on a lot of caffeine, stupidity and anxiety due to his training being accelerated because of the reaper threat he is in no way shape or form competent but he does get it done some how.

T0A5T3R AKA Toaster

Toaster is a single run geth that is both the squads heavy gunner and medic.

the squad gave him the name of Toaster after he accidentally blew up a bakery during a mission, that and Toaster has an obsession with bread/bread based products.

despite the fact he is a geth and thus unable to eat this does not stop him, his boyfriend Chea is a quarian that is also the squad marksman and his nurse.

Toaster was recruited after the geth gained their freedom bringing with him 2 massive cases one of them held his weapon of choice a massive geth spitfire gun.

the other held Chea to which the squad leader yelled at him for trying to declare their marksman as hand luggage, for some reason the marksman was consenting to be hand luggage.

Hanar Hurra

Hurra is a krogan male thats lived most of his life on the citadel, he has some sensory issues and has the mentality of a literal child.

when he was a very small child he was abandoned by his parents (unknown if by accident or on purpose) on the citadel and followed around the floating jellyfish known as the Hanar thinking they were his family.

generally he is a very happy individual though Toaster has compared his behaviours more towards human ADHD and autism, the justicar in the squad has gifted him a krogan proof sensory toy shaped like a skull.

the squad quartermaster and the squad leader has had it so that his room is reinforced so he can play with the deactivated grenades.

Hurra was recruited to the squad after a cerberus attack on the citadel where he and a justicar fended off cerberus kill teams from a shop that he was working at before he joined the special ops program.

in terms of role officially Hurra is their demolitions expert but prefers the title of "tactical battering ram" using his biotics enhanced body to charge around bowling over enemies and clearing a path for allies.

T4R4 AKA Tara

Tara is the squad pilot and a master of stealth, she is a Cerberus-designed but Alliance-built AI.

due to some sort of programming glitch she often tries to act motherly towards the rest of the squad, though in her spare time she has taught herself how to play the piano and the trombone to an amateur level.

whilst she knows she is not a ship AI this did not stop her from trying to use the ship they live on as an extension of her body.

Baecidus Egnaci

the squad quartermaster and crossdresser Baecidus is a Turian with an obsession with weapons.

he is regularly mistaken for a girl due to his small skull-hugging crest and girly (by turian standards) voice and face, whilst he does hate being called a girl he has been caught by the rest of the squad a handful of times wearing womens clothing.

as the squad quartermaster he keeps their armour and weapons in check often asking sam for assistance when the workload gets a bit much.

Staellsy T'haza

Staellsy is a justicar in her maiden phase she chose to join the squad after running into Sam and Baecidus collecting supplies on the citadel.

though the thing about the squad that made her smile was meeting that krogan shelf stocker she fought side by side with during the cerberus invasion of the citadel.

Staellsy uses most of her down time to play games like Europa Universalis XVI of which she has five thousand hours in.

DJ Bleeps (also known as Bleeps or DJ)

recruited after the squad found out he had a recording of some cerberus agent they wanted to catch Bleeps has a habit of recording every sound he hears.

his preferred method of communication involves remixing the sounds he has heard into a message, naturally he fills the role of the squad diplomat due to his pacifistic nature.

if he HAS to he will fight and fights extremely dirty often using a flamethrower though does carry around a pistol issued to him by Baecidus.

he gave himself the name DJ Bleeps his original designation is unknown to the squad but they do know he loves his music and has been banned from at least 3 clubs on the citadel for highjacking the speakers to play his mixtapes.

i wanna know your opinions on BOTH prophetbots. Which of the two strange creachurs would you study under a microscope. Which one would you carry in a purse like a little dog

Prophetbot is like a strange little bug i found under a rock and is now being kept in a terrarium witj leaves to eat. I love that thang. Hes lile a weevil to me. He has tbh creature energy. Look at that eye and tell me that isnt a tbh creature

Proto on tje other hand. Hes like a wet cat to me. Im putting him kn the microwave. Im tucking him cozy in bed. Im shaking him around. Squeezing him like a stress ball. Hes my skrubkly apathetic cube son and i love him. I love the autism behinf his eye. Im carrying him like a bag of luggage.

10 Characters, 10 Fandoms, 10 Tags

Basic rules: choose 10 fandoms that you are part of/support, and choose a favorite character from each of those. Then, tag ten folks!

Tagged by: @briar-ffxiv

Tagging: @tidepoolarchive @mossycattail @moss-opossum @assortedinsanities @bunnyboybosom and anyone else who wants a go (I don't know 10 people Nate regularly interacts with)

Having OSDD can mean some strange things happen sometimes and currently Nate, the owner of this blog is not fronting so I, Gabe, another part, am currently fronting. Plus, Nate hasn't watched, read or played much, hart tends to front on walks in nature or when crafting. So here's all of our choices below

Death from Discworld

Terry Pratchett's Death is just an amazing character, he is caring even though he isn't supposed to be, he's hilarious without intending to be and Terry Pratchett just wrote him in the best way. There's so much to love about Discworld but to me it's made perfect by Death.

Honourable Mentions: Luggage, Susan, Rincewind, Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg and Imp Y Celyn

Samwise from Lord of the Rings

Sam is so warm hearted and caring, but he's not afraid to express his feelings and thoughts, even when they may cause a divide. He's honestly a role model and 'goal' of the host part of the system.

Honourable Mentions: Gandalf and Aragorn

Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation

We were diagnosed as autistic at a very young age and were told all the stereotypes of autism were us. Our parents mourned our lack of empathy and bizarre habits constantly. Saiph even remembers being called 'soul less'. However, the host at the time, Saiph, loved sci-fi and found a refuge in re-aired episodes of Star Trek TNG. Data healed us in being all the things he wasn't meant to be according to his construction but still straddling the world of human and non-human. Data is very important to us as a character. Yes, its true our empathy isn't really there and some of our habits are strange, but we still have compassion for others and we don't hurt anyone being our weird selves.

Honourable Mentions: Worf and Picard

Yato from Noragami

I admit we're a bit behind with the manga so no spoilers for anything thanks! But with the manga and anime that we have watched and read I can say we really love Yato's cheeky-bordering-on-idiotic charm and wit. Noragami was also just a really important show for the host while they were studying at college (UK 16-18 college) and got very depressed. Noragami helped out a lot in keeping the host going.

Honourable Mention: Yukine

Merlin from Merlin

From about age 5, I was an Arthurian legend nerd so Saiph adored Merlin when it came out, watching every single episode as it aired. We didn't use social media until we were 18 but if we had, Saiph would have had a merlin themed tumblr blog for sure. Saiph loves Merlin's humour, dry wit, bluntness and fun he has with his destiny.

Honourable Mentions: Morgana, Gawain, Gaius and Arthur

Hercule Poirot from Poirot

If Poirot was real I would love to be his friend so badly. Sure this might mean I get involved in several murder cases and he would tut at my untidiness but we could be very autistic together and enjoy good food together too. He's clever, particular in his style and likes but most of all very caring.

Honourable Mention: Miss Lemon

Vlad from Young Dracula

So first of all this actor before we even full realised we were trans gave us trans guy vibes and made us feel safe. As far as I know, no, the actor is not trans but the vibes are there (the first series the actor was like eleven). But then oh my gosh the story of being forced to be something you don't want to be and the way Vlad desperately tries to stick to his morals throughout the series is so compelling. Vlad's constant and seemingly futile but unwavering fight, grapple against the darkness inside him was the great drama of my childhood/teenhood.

Guillermo from What We Do In The Shadows

I can't seem to get the newest series here in the UK so no spoilers thanks! But yes, Guillermo is such a sweetheart. He knows what he wants, he works for it, he even asks for it, its the dickhead vampires in his life that mean he can't get his wish. Also, he's such a cool fighter while being gentle and kind. Love him. You won't have him, Nandor? I'll have him!

Honourable Mentions: Nandor and Lazlo

Thomas from Ghosts

Truth is I am an extremely melodramatic person who has a problem with using long words that I'm not entirely sure the meaning of. That is a universal truth with all the system parts. Also Thomas is silly and very funny. His death is so sad and unnecessary too, it breaks my heart that events could work towards that end. I love a lot of the Ghosts' characters really but I had to choose one so Thomas is it!

Honourable Mentions: Captain, Kitty, Robin, Mary, Humphrey and Pat

Thomas from Downton Abbey

(I did not intend to put both Thomases in a row but I didn't plan properly) So we all agree to ignore the second film, right? It butchers everyone. Right? Good. Eagle-eyed people might spot that Nate sort of lifted Neely's (one of our favourite DnD characters) surname 'Osbarrow' from Thomas Barrow. That is how much we love this guy. Thomas starts as a villain, that you love to see act out his plans. He's compelling just as that. But then you see him soften and a great protector of others, using his bile and poison to spit in the right direction as it were and you love him. But with the years of being horrible and cruel for cruel sake, no one will take his kindness for kindness, looking for the hidden agenda. It is genuinely heartbreaking to Saiph and the host who are the main fans of this show. A great study in how to do character arcs in my opinion too.

Honourable Mentions: Mary, Sybil, Violet and Mrs Patmore

There's lots more characters from lots more shows, films and books we enjoy but ten is all we had so these are the top ten!

Some more characters who didn't quite make the top ten:

Chihaya from Chihayafuru

Cat from Cat of Dury Lane books

Marvin from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Twig from The Edge Chronicles

Miss Marple from Miss Marple