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death-and-other-myths · 1 year

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The Song of Achilles

By Madeline Miller

I'm an uncultured swine and have never read Homer's Iliad. But I have read The Song of Achilles, and wrote an unhinged review/recap as I completed chapters!

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

So I’ve been hearing about this book for a while. All I know about it is that it’s Greek? (Roman?? God I wish I paid more attention in school) and is a romance story of homosexual nature. And everyone says it’s really powerful and is going to make me cry.

I’m like six chapters in and I can already tell I’m going to cry at some point. Not just because of the story, but because of the incredible amount of care in the writing. These prose are BEAUTIFUL. Not one word is wasted and Madeline Miller is just exceptionally talented with describing heady emotional things. I’m wowed.

So this story is told from the perspective of Patroclus. He is a prince! And his father is an abusive piece of shit. Just an awful, boorish human.

One year, their kingdom gets to host “the games” (I’m assuming like… the Olympic Games) and Patroclus is too weak to compete in the kids competitions, but he watches some kid from the neighboring kingdom just decimate the competition. He’s fast and blonde and a wonder kid. So it’s awesome that his father quite literally tells Patroclus “That’s what a son should be.”

See? This guy is such a dick!

Patroclus’ mother is mentally handicapped. It’s mentioned she has a scar on her temple from where her father once hit her. So that’s awful.

Oh, also Greek gods and goddesses are a thing in this world! Like a legitimate thing and not just legends or part of a religion or something. They come down and hang out with the mortals all the time like it’s totally fucking normal. I love it.

When Patroclus is nine, his father drags him to compete for some random princess’ hand in marriage, and poor Patroclus is the only suitor that’s younger than twenty. Like… what was the thinking here, Dad? What the fuck? The princess, Helen, is rumored to be crazy beautiful (she’s wearing a veil) and these guys are falling all over her. Her father makes the suitors swear to protect her always, and even little Patroclus takes the oath because everyone else is. Helen is asked to choose a man, and of course doesn’t choose the nine year old. And this all just reinforces to Patroclus that he is small and weak and not enough for his father.

So ten year old Patroclus is standing in a field one day when some fat, noble asshat kid comes and bullies him. Like… even though he’s a prince, the noble kids still pick on him. And his Dad doesn’t give a shit. They get into an argument over some dice and the fat kid stumbles and promptly EXPLODES HIS HEAD ON A ROCK. Patroclus is just like… horrified. The noble family demands punishment and Pat’s Dad is like “Whatever I’ll just banish him. I never liked this kid anyway.” — So Patroclus is sent to a neighboring kingdom and stripped of his title.

Well thank god this neighboring kingdom’s King is actually a good guy. He takes in lots of orphans and banished kids apparently. Patroclus sleeps in a big bunk with a bunch of other kids and totally blows his shot at being social and making friends when one of the boys asks if he wants to play dice. Pat is like “DICE?!?! FUCK YOU NO!” Because he’s still traumatized from accidentally killing someone over dice. From then on, he spends his days eating alone in the corner.

The prince, who happens to be that beautiful blonde kid he saw win the race, comes and eats with the boys and is the friendliest and most charismatic ten year old ever. As the story goes, he’s half god. His father once tackled a sea goddess, raped her, then forced her to stay on land and give birth to his half god kid after a year. When her year was up, she left immediately. I mean WOW. Ancient Greece was pretty brutal I guess, so I shouldn’t be surprised? And Greek mythology is also riddled with stories of rape and non-consensual shenanigans. But YIKES.

Well anyway, this kid’s name is Archilles and he’s good at everything, but totally humble and kind. Which really gets on Patroclus’ nerves. So he’s hiding out in the storage closet one day because he’s just so fucking done with everything, and Achilles finds him. He says the drill master (fighting instructor guy) is looking for him and he’ll be punished if he doesn’t have a good reason for missing spear class.

Patroclus, who is so traumatized from accidentally murdering someone and being banished by his father that he has nothing to lose, is like “Well, just tell them I was with you all morning. That way they can’t be mad.” And Achilles is like “Cool. I don’t lie, though.” So Pat says “Then how about I come with you to your music lessons?” — and he does!!

(By the way, I am doing this book such a disservice in the way I describe dialogue. Please know that literally every word, including the way these boys speak, is absolute poetry. I’m translating as best as my stupid sausage fingers can.)

So Patroclus goes to lyre lessons and is captivated by Achilles’ music skills. It reminds him of how his mother loved music. And Achilles must have been touched by the reverence with which Pat watches him, because when he goes before his father, he totally spins the story that he asked Patroclus to skip drills to come with him. His king Dad isn’t even mad. In fact, he says “I’ve been asking you if you want to take any of the boys as friends for years, and you refused. Why this one? He’s small and weird and I heard he killed a guy.” — And Achilles says “He surprises me.” And nothing more.

From then on, Achilles and Patroclus do everything together. Patroclus even moves into his bedroom and sleeps there in his own bed. They get into a little fight one day when Pat comes to watch Achilles do his drills (because he never trains in front of the other boys… because there’s a prophecy that he will be the greatest warrior of their generation and his god mother said she doesn’t want anyone knowing how amazing he is yet). Well even at 10 years old, Achilles is an amazing fighter. And Patroclus, being a dumb kid, is like “FIGHT ME OH MY GOD I’M SO IMPRESSED BUT ALSO HATE YOU AND I’M ALSO YOUR BIGGEST FAN BUT LET’S FIGHT.” And Achilles is like “Nope. Don’t ask me again.”

For the rest of the year they are best buds. I guess Patroclus had to get that last bit of jealousy out of his system. He is insanely happy being Achilles’ best friend. He doesn’t have nightmares about heads exploding anymore. They do everything together. Even the king invites him to anything Achilles is a part of.

Every so often, Achilles goes to visit with his Mom at the beach. One morning, he comes back and says his Mom wants to meet Patroclus. — This is adorable because it means Achilles has been telling her about his bestie. But also kind of terrifying because she’s a god that was raped and hates mortals. So Pat goes down to the beach and this mermaid goddess selkie lady comes and talks to him. She sounds terrifying. Black eyed and sharp mouthed. She basically says to him “You know he’s going to be a god, right?” — Pat is like “Um, yes.” — and she’s like “Good. You’ll die soon enough.” Like damn she really does hate mortals. (With good reason lol)

But I feel sorry for Patroclus. That’s still not a nice thing to hear. Achilles finds him hiding in an olive grove and they have a sweet talk about it. Achilles isn’t even sure how he’d become a god (his mother thinks if he becomes famous enough, the gods will favor him and bring him into the gang. It’s happened with half-god heroes before). He’s more interested in being a hero and doesn’t think being immortal sounds fun. Patroclus is relieved by this and they run off to do 12 year old things.

In the next chapter, they’re 13 and so are all the foster boys, so basically this palace is full of puberty right now. Sleeping with the servant girls is very commonplace, but Achilles never wants to (despite his father encouraging him) and Patroclus is too awkward to speak to anyone except for Achilles. But Pat is ALSO THIRTEEN and starting to have sexy dreams himself, just not about servant girls. Patroclus and Achilles are sitting on the beach one day when Patroclus fucking goes for it. He kisses his best friend, and it’s super nice, but Achilles’ reaction is to RUN AWAY. So Pat is immediately like “Wow I fucked up.”

Things only get worse when Achilles’ angry god Mom appears and chokes him out like “You fucked up.” — she’s so pissed at him for doing this, she demands Achilles be sent away from hero training somewhere far off where some mortal kid can’t derail her plans. Things are so awkward between the boys that Patroclus doesn’t even say goodbye when he leaves in the morning. He pretends to be asleep while Achilles looks torn about it. And then his friend is gone.

Poor baby is all sad the next day. So sad, in fact, he wanders out to the woods and has a moment of clarity (or stupidity?) and is like… well I’m no where near the ocean, so I guess it would be safe. And he runs after Achilles (who has a good 6 hour head start on him). Patroclus runs for hours and finally stops to catch his breath, and hears a noise that he thinks is bandits. He’s tackled… but it’s Achilles! — Who had a feeling he could come and fucking WAITED for him. YAY!!

I so expected the next chapter to be “5 years later…” or something. And Achilles comes back after training. But yay! I like this better. The friends get to stay together and everybody is cool about the whole “kissing on the beach” thing and it’s never brought up. Patroclus even has this cute moment when he’s running where he thinks “If I ever see him again, I will do everything in my power to be cool and not piss off his god mom.”

So then Achilles’ teacher shows up because it’s late and he hasn’t arrived at the mountain yet. And to their surprise, he is a CENTAUR!! Like an older, badass centaur named Chiron who has been around longer than most gods. So even though they’re gods and crazy and what they say goes, he has some sway there. I love… that the kids are freaked out by the centaur lol. They’re like CREEPED OUT. And it’s made even worse when they have to ride on his back because it’s getting dark and they need to get up the mountain. This is such 13 year old behavior. They’re being respectful, but Patroclus narrating is like “eeeuuughhh.”

Turns out Chiron is totally cool and teaches them whatever they want to know. It’s not all about fighting (I’m picturing Phil from Disney’s Hercules lol). He teaches them stuff about the forest and healing and surgery and how to cook. And eventually he teaches them how to fight. And when Achilles asks “How am I?”

He’s like… “Umm that prophecy is totally true and you are going to fuck so many people up when you’re grown up. I literally have nothing to teach you. You’re already a god ordained warrior and you’re only going to get stronger.”

Achilles: “Cool! I don’t want to fight in wars yet, though.”

Patroclus: “How about me?”

Chiron: “Nah, you’re pretty bad at this. But did you ever want to be good?”

He’s like… nah, not really. So Chiron is like “Cool! Ima show you kids how to weave baskets!”

One day Achilles’ mom shows up and she is piiiiiiissed. She probably would have killed Patroclus had Chiron not showed up and talked her down from her murder ledge. Whatever he and Achilles say to her makes her agree not to murder Patroclus, so there we go. The years peel by with idyllic days. The way this is written is so beautiful. My fumbling descriptions really don’t do it justice. This book is just tender. It’s so pure and sweet.

So the boys are 16, and even though Patroclus has been pining after Achilles after all these years, he’s been doing such a good job of not being obvious about it. He might get caught staring every now and then, but is otherwise incredibly fearful of 1. Ruining his friendship with Achilles and 2. Being castrated by his angry fish god mom.

There’s a cute part where Patroclus gives him a carved wooden statue for his birthday that is him with a lyre.

Okay so one day, after the boys have a conversation about how much older they both look (there are no mirrors on the mountain lol) �� Achilles comes back from a visit with his Mom and says he asked her what she thinks of where they live on the mountain (in this beautiful rose quartz cave with stars painted on the ceiling and just beautiful scenery all around). And she begrudgingly admits that she can’t see them on the mountain. (It’s not explained why, but let’s all take this blessing and not complain)

So with this new found bit of intel, Achilles is like YEP. Ima kiss the heck out of you now. And they have a really sexy but also sweet scene in chapter 10. I appreciate that everything is both sensually and tastefully described. I think it’s pretty obvious that Achilles has liked him all this time too, but was also afraid of his angry god mom killing his friend. They pal around basically being boyfriends for a few weeks and are wondering if they should tell Chiron about their relationship when a messenger from Achilles’ father shows up. He says he needs to return home at once for business.

So dang it. The boys are not happy about this. They would much rather just stay on the mountain and kiss in the crystal cave forever.

They arrive back at the palace and fucking Thetis (angry fish god mom) is on the front steps. Apparently, Helen, the princess Patroclus met when he was 9 years old, has been kidnapped. Some prince from Troy came over and took her, so now everyone is rallying to help.

This line is both horrible and hilarious to me:

Only an easterner would do this. Everyone knew how they dripped with perfume, were corrupt from soft living. A real hero would have taken her outright, with the strength of his sword.

Like it’s okay to kidnap the lady, but do it with honor lol.

Peleus (Achilles’ Dad) announces that not only will he send any man that wishes to go (everyone is like.. clamoring to sign up)… but he informs the crowd that Helen’s Dad had a bunch of heroes promise to protect Helen seven years ago, and Patroclus immediately SHITS HIMSELF. He’s like OH FUCK THAT WAS REAL? I THOUGHT IT WAS A DREAM! Peleus pulls Achilles and Pat aside after dinner and says he thinks this would be a great opportunity for Achilles to lead an army and take down Troy, but Achilles says he’s not into the idea. He says he knows about the oath Patroclus swore, but the boys try to argue that it doesn’t count because his father disowned him. Peleus is surprisingly cool about this and says “Let’s just see how things pan out.”

So the next morning, Patroclus wakes up and Achilles isn’t there. He’s not worried at first. But as the morning goes on, and he looks literally everywhere, even the beach where he goes to visit his scary Mom, Achilles is literally nowhere to be found. He gets it out of Peleus’ advisor that Achilles is with his mother and he doesn’t know when he’ll be back. So Patroclus is bummed…. FOR A WHOLE ASS MONTH while Achilles is gone (I guess… we all just… forgot about Helen? Or maybe things move slower in Ancient Greece).

Well either way Patroclus is sick of waiting, so he bursts into the king’s throne room and does this thing… called “supplication”… that I have never heard of before. But he puts a hand on his knee and grabs the king by the jaw, and he DEMANDS that Peleus tell him where Achilles is. Supplication is I guess… the act of… putting a king in a strong hold and it’s some kind of honor-bound thing that makes them have to tell the truth no matter what. (It’s recognized by the gods). It’s not considered a nice or polite thing to do, but apparently it’s a thing. Peleus squeals that Achilles’ Mom took him away to some small island… and I love this transformation from Patroclus. He’s just like “Okay neat, now give me money.”

So the king fucking does, and then he gets on a boat and sails like a badass to some remote little island where everyone sends their princesses to learn how to be sexy. It’s like Ancient Greece charm school island. Patroclus uses a fake name and enters the castle, finds that the king is old and decrepit, the guards are shitty (playing dice), and everything is run by this princess who is crazy beautiful but really shallow.

She invites Patroclus to dinner and invites the girls to dance for him. She joins them. And during their dance Patroclus realizes the princess’ dance partner is FUCKING ACHILLES. DRESSED LIKE A GIRL. Achilles spots him and interrupts the performance to tackle hug him, which sends the princess into a total fit.

APPARENTLY… Thetis the angry fish god mom didn’t want her son fighting in a war?? She thought it was too soon?? So for some reason her solution was to… kidnap him… and force him to pose as a woman on Hot Girl Island until the whole thing blew over. I am very confused at the reasoning there. MOREOVER Thetis forced him to MARRY the princess and have sex with her, so now she’s pregnant!!

Patroclus is of course devastated. Achilles is very uncharacteristically flustered and feels awful. His mom basically forced him to and promised that if he had sex with this broad, she’d go fetch Patroclus and bring him here. Patroclus is like “Oh my god you sweet dumb boyfriend, she NEVER DID. I had to put your father in a chokehold to figure out where you are.” And Achilles realizes he’s been tricked and feels bad.

They work it all out though and return to the palace. The old king is surprisingly fine with all of this as long as the baby gets to keep Achilles’ name. And Achilles, who is usually the nicest dude ever, is so cold to this princess. He’s not mean to her? But he acts like she’s invisible. Even Patroclus is like “Dude cut her some slack. She was tricked as much as you were.” But Achilles is all “Nope. I love nothing except my boyfriend.”

LIKE WHAT IS THETIS THE ANGRY FISH WOMAN UP TO?? I thought (and so did Pat) that she WANTED him to fight. Why was he even summoned back then?? If she wanted to keep him safe he could have just stayed on the mountain banging in the crystal cave.

I will hand it to this book, it keeps taking turns I didn’t see coming. Twice now I expected Achilles to be taken away and come back some battle-hardened, evil dude or something.

But to hear he’s just been crossdressing and hiding from war is pretty unexpected.

Oh geez so one night, Diedemantra (that is not her name. I can’t remember anyone’s name) — the PRINCESS has some guards go and grab Patroclus and she demands an audience with him. She says some truly awful things to him, about how ugly he is and she can’t believe Achilles chose him over her and she just SOBS for like a really long time, and Patroclus… because he is a sweet boy… actually really wants to comfort her. This quickly turns sexual. He totally isn’t into it, but she’s like… DEMANDING. And he goes through with it because I think he feels really sympathetic towards her? This is a wild scene and I can’t believe Pat does this… It’s Chapter 13 and he doesn’t really clarify if he ever tells Achilles, but it seems to bring both of them some closure. Achilles for feeling betrayed over them sleeping together, and Diedreoamtis over knowing Achilles is going to leave and he’ll never see him again.

So the whole time she’s gone, in isolation because she’s pregant, the boys have to stay at this island palace. Thetis still wants to keep Achilles hidden and away from the war, so he has to keep pretending to be a woman and Pat has to keep pretending to be Chirondes, some random dude who lives there now.

One day, a ship comes. And it’s carrying Odysseus and Diomedes, who threaten to tell everyone Achilles has been crossdressing if he doesn’t come fight in this war. They ALSO drop a bomb that Thetis hasn’t told them the full prophecy.

Achilles will be the greatest warrior that ever lived if and only if he goes to fight in Troy. If he doesn’t, he will start losing his god powers and wither away and die old and useless and having never done anything with this life. Oh, ALSO? If he goes to Troy he’s going to die. He’ll die young and die a crazy famous hero.

WHAT THE FUCK??

I’m over here with Patroclus like… about to cry.

But Achilles can’t imagine a life withering away and not achieving greatness. Pat totally understands… so our boys are OFF TO WAR. But not before Patroclus goes up on a mountain to scream at Thetis like a little badass. I love how gentle he is. And how soft. Until he’s pissed off and then he’s the ballsiest dude ever— grabbing kings by their chins. Screaming at goddesses that hate him. He gets out of Thetis that there’s more to the prophecy. That Achilles will die if Hector dies first. So we don’t know who Hector is, but Patroclus is like “Okay now we gotta keep this asshole from dying.” Thetis has also gotta be touched at how much Pat cares about defying the prophecy and saving his boyfriend. But she is also so SO PISSED at mortal men.

Alright so our boys are off to war.

Everyone sails to Troy. When they get to the island before Troy, the wind just STOPS because apparently Artemis is pissed off that there’s about to be so much bloodshed. So the kings are like “Hey let’s have a wedding to appease the gods and make a big sacrifice with cows and stuff.” — One of the kings has his 14 year old daughter brought in. And she’s all excited, thinking she is going to marry Achilles (he agreed, because why the fuck not. They need that wind.) — and the kings fucking AMBUSH HER and KILL HER as a human sacrifice before she or Achilles knows what’s going on. And it traumatizes him for a good few days. Sweet baby has never seen anyone die before. So this war is off to a great start.

But Artemis, like a fucking weirdo, is like “Okay thanks for slaughtering that 14 year old. I’m done being pissed now. Enjoy your war.” So the wind comes back. And the war starts. And after a few days of wallowing, Achilles goes out there and does the thing. He’s even the first person to throw a spear and kill a Trojan, which is great for morale. Achilles and Patroclus realize pretty quickly that Achilles is totally made for war. He’s CRAZY GOOD AT IT. So whatever trauma he was getting over heals very quickly, and our boy becomes a killing machine overnight.

Achilles doesn’t enjoy the MURDER part of it. He never hurts anyone that is unarmed. Only people that are coming at him with the intention of killing him, but I think he’s pretty entertained at how easy this is for him. Like a game.

Patroclus, sweet baby, is forced to fight at some point. Everyone is generally cool with him being there as Achilles’ companion, but eventually he has to play soldier and get in there. The battle sounds terrifying. You feel like you’re right in there with Pat and the noise and the chaos. But no one can touch him. He realizes it’s because of Achilles. ANy time a man looks at Pat and runs at him, Achilles kills them easily. He basically just STANDS THERE the whole time and does nothing and I don’t blame him because that’s what I’d do too.

That’s not to say Pat is useless. He’s really good at surgery and being a doctor and volunteers in the tents. He also encourages Achilles to “claim maidens” aka young girls stolen from the villages they’ve plundered. Only when they get them back to the tent, they clean them up and feed them and make sure they’re safe. The first time he does this, it’s so cute. The girl doesn’t understand Greek so to show her that he means to harm, Patroclus grabs Achilles and kisses him like “See? I don’t want you” lol and she becomes his best friend in the camp beside Achilles. Learns Greek and hangs out with him while his boyfriend is off fighting. She helps more maidens that get brought into their group (all the soldiers are like DAMN Achilles, you horn dog) — having no idea he is hella gay and just saving all these women from THEM.

This war goes on for like 4 years. It’s rumored that Helen doesn’t even like her husband and ran away to Troy for safety. Pretty soon all of the guys get grumpy like WHY ARE WE EVEN HERE? THIS SUCKS!!

It’s also wild to think that Achilles and Pat are like 20 now. Wow.

MOTHER. FUCKER.

I finished this whole ass review/description for this book, and it was perfect, and then my ipad totally crapped out and DELETED IT ALL!!! AAUGHGHGUGHG that hasn’t happened to me in so long… I go through such incredible lengths to make sure I never lose any writing. I’m so gutted.

So here’s like a shitty, watered down version of the last 25% of this book as told by someone a WEEK after they finished it. AUGH!!!!!!! AUGUAGAHGHAUGAGUGH.

Basically… like…okay. This war goes on for fucking ever lol. All the soldiers are pissed. The gods are apparently infighting with each other over this. At one point it’s like, festival time and the humans piss off the gods by arguing with each other, so they put a plague on the war camp. The gods really suck, by the way. Greek gods are just straight up crazy people. Everyone is dying of these horribly painful boils, and Achilles and Argmennon get into an argmennement. Argemenon steals Briesis (original saved maiden) as a personal slight to Achilles, since she’s technically a war prize and apparently not a person? With thoughts and feelings? We’re all horrified.

Achilles starts to get real ego-driven. Pat is over here freaking out because his best friend just got kidnapped and will likely be raped and Achilles is all about his pride and says “Everyone is going to think I’m a weakling. ARGMENNON NEEDS TO APOLOGIZE FIRST!”

So Pat goes to Argemonon’s tent and says Achilles refuses to fight until he apologizes, and if he rapes or hurts Briesis in any way, Achilles is going to use that as an excuse to kill him. So Argmenon is like “Cool bro thanks for the heads up. Real cool of you to betray your boyfriend by telling me this.” and agrees not to hurt Briesis. Pat gets his attention, by the way, by SLITTING HIS WRIST and BLEEDING all over the tent saying “I swear on a blood oath that my words are true! If you hurt that woman Achilles WILL kill you!” And Argemennon is like “JESUS OKAY! I believe you, just STOP bleeding on all my shit!”

Pat goes back to Achilles, and Achilles is PISSED. (But also concerned over Pat’s wrist). He wanted Briesis to get hurt so he’d have an excuse to murder this guy – which again – Pat is just like, horrified by. I should also mention that at some point, Briesis confessed to Pat that she loves him, and wished she could be with him and have kids together. He is hella gay, but loves her like a sister best friend and just really wants to protect her. So Achilles goes on for a few weeks being a dick (Argemnon is also being a dick, but at least he’s not hurting Briesis) – and the Greeks are getting their asses handed to them by the Trojians because Achilles refuses to let his army fight.

Thetis shows up with more grim prophecies from the gods. Like “Achilles will only die after the best of the [M-word-for-their-country-of-origin] dies.” And Pat is like “Huh… you are the best of our men, though. What a weird riddle.” And I’m reading this like…sobbing.

Eventaully the Trojans break into the camp and start murdering everyone and burning the ships.

Pat is begging Achilles at this point (because by now it’s been like 10 years and we have women and children and families in here). He HAS to fight. But Achilles refuses. So Pat comes up with this idea…. “Well what if I put on your armor and pretend to be you, and inspire the men to fight and defend the camp? Then it’s like we rally the troops without you actually having to go back on your stupid, pointless pride?”

And Achilles goes…. “SURE!!”

(It’s more nuanced than that, and to his credit, Achilles is worried sick. Begs the chariot driver to just do a lap and come back ASAP) Normally he’s there to kill anyone who looks at Patroclus.

Pat is so cute wearing this armor, and totally does an incredible job pretending to be Achilles. He even kicks ass and kills a couple people, including this HUGE HULKING GENERAL even though Achilles begged him to not put himself in danger. Well Pat does really well, but ends up dying in battle. Hector kills him. The best of the M-word-country-of-origins is dead.

The soldiers manage to bring his body back, but Achilles DOES NOT TAKE THIS WELL.

Just like… totally unhinged broken, hugging the body in his bed all night. Inconsolable. When they finally get him to let go of Pat’s body and have a funeral, Briesis tears into him and says what we’re all thinking: “Dude he’s only dead because of your pride. Everyone loves this kid. He’s like the nicest, sweetest, cutest dude in this camp. He knew everyone’s name. He delivered all the babies. Like. He only went out there because he wanted to protect us and you were too busy being a prideful dick trying to make a point and HE’S DEAD AND I HATE YOU AND AAHAHHHHHH!!!!” and Achilles is like “I KNOW!!! DON’T YOU THINK I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING MURDERED NOW? Bring on the prophecy. I’m done. I’m so fucking done. Let’s do this. Where’s my sword?”

So Achilles spends the next few days being a fucking demon on the battlefield. He murders a great many important people, including injuring a river god. Like he’s just unstoppable. He kills Hector. Then… weirdly… drags his body behind the chariot and like… drags it around camp for a few days. FOR A FEW DAYS. Just beating it up for funnies. Like a crazy person.

Eventually though, he gets shot by Paris with a special arrow from Apollo. And he dies.

All of this is relayed to us by Pat, by the way, who has been here all this time as a spirit. In Greek mythology, you can’t pass on to the underworld until you get 1. A funeral and 2. A tombstone. Everyone knew Achilles was going to die eventually, so they put his ashes with Patroclus’ ashes (as he requested). Pat wonders if he can feel it when their ashes are combined, but he can’t. He can’t see Achilles until they’re both in the underworld.

So one day this little piece of shit named Pyyros comes to the camp. He is Achilles’ son that Thetis stole and raised to be a bloodthirsty asshole away from humans. And he’s basically Geoffrey. He’s also, hypothetically, what Achilles could have been if he wasn’t raised by his father and grew up with someone sweet like Patroclus.

Pyyros is 12, but he’s like… horrible. With his help, they eventually topple Troy. But he also wants to rape all the women in the camp, and when Briesis runs, he kills her with a spear. HATE HIM. Also?? When the kings ask him what he wants to do with Achilles and Patroclus’ grave, he’s like “Fuck Patroclus. Leave him off the tombstone. He’s a nobody.”

So ghost Pat is like… HORRIFIED. This means he’ll be trapped on earth forever. He haunts Odysseus’ dreams and begs him to try to change this kid’s mind, and he tries, but fails.

So the book ends with Ghost Patroclus sitting (and sobbing) by Achilles’ grave, watching tourists come and pay their respects for months or possibly even years. Meanwhile, Pyyros gets murdered on the ship home becasue the kings collectively decide he’s an asshole. I’m glad everyone can agree on something for once. Like murdering this awful demon child.

Thetis shows up and talks to Pat. She’s still cold, but oddly remorseful. She asks Pat to tell her everything he remembers about Achilles. And Pat gushes for paragraphs and paragraphs about all of their happy memories. And the great, kind person Achilles was before he got tainted by war and the promise of greatness. Thetis probbaly has a growth moment, realizing HEY maybe there’s more to life than training your kids to be unstoppable killing machines. This whole final chapter is so sweet. Patroclus, despite everything, loves Achilles so much. And Achilles, even though his ego got in his way near the end there, really always loved Patroclus. He never wanted him to get hurt or be put in danger.

Thetis surprises Pat by writing his name on the tombstone next to Achilles’, and he gets transported to the underworld immediately. And there he reunites with Achilles, and that’s the end of the story.

Here’s that excerpt:

“I have done it,” she says.

At first I do not understand. But then I see the tomb, and the marks she has made on the stone. ACHILLES, it reads. And beside it, PATROCLUS.

“Go,” she says. “He waits for you.”

IN THE DARKNESS, two shadows, reaching through the hopeless, heavy dusk. Their hands meet, and light spills in a flood like a hundred golden urns pouring out the sun.

When I picked up this book, I didn’t know it was a retelling of the Iliad. And my stupid uncultured ass had never read the Iliad. But what the author did that was so cool was she took a character, Patroclus, who was pretty minor in the original story, and wrote the book from his perspective. And blew out this whole beautiful romance between him and Achilles, when apparently this is only speculated in the ancient text (But I mean… Achilles going berserk with anger after Pat gets killed is pretty telling).

In my original review, I wrote that I had a little trouble connecting to the characters. I think just because of all the formal ancient-speak. But after a week of thinking on it, I take that back. I really love how pure Patroclus is. He’s just so GOOD and so sweet and gentile in a world that is raw and barbaric and cruel. You experience the outrage with him. This feeling of standing around a war wondering why we’re even fucking doing this when Helen doesn’t want to be rescued at all. It’s just an excuse for a bunch of men to flex their power and get a bunch of people killed.

I like Achilles a little more now that I’ve had time to percolate on him. He’s dealing with having been primed for greatness since birth, and taught to seek his value in that. Also, he was told his choices were basically to persue greatness or wither away into uselessness. So of course he got really prideful and easily insulted near the end there. It was hella shitty that he was willing to have Briesis and a bunch of innocent people killed to make his point. That was where he messed up. And that’s why Pat became almost like… a sacrifice for that decision. Which Achilles was properly devastated by.

These boys love each other so much and feel so star crossed in a world that feels determined to ruin it for them. I loved the last chapter where Pat and Thetis have a heart to heart and she shows him a great kindness by writing his name on the tombstone. I just loved that.

I’m still going to give this book a 6.5 out of 10, but I really did enjoy it. There were just some parts that were hard to get through because I was so frustrated by the arrogance of Achilles and the kings!!!!

Deadass Rating: 6.5/10

Unofficial theme song: “The King” by Lor

#madeline miller #song of achilles #achilles #patroclus #achilles x patroclus #patrochilles #book recommendations #book reviews #deadass book review #book review #deadass book reviews

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ufonaut · 1 year

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You haven’t talked about Elvis in a while but It being pride month I was wondering if you could elaborate on Elvis Presley’s supposed homosexuality. I saw an ask you answered a while back citing the Hollywood confidential, the article “Presley’s powderpuff pals” and the rumored affair with Nick Adams

I looked into those and found that the Hollywood confidential article was released in 1979 by Bill Dakota who was some crazy gossip writer out of California that wrote over 150 names of men in show business and said they were all gay or bisexual. But most of which that he named we know for sure weren’t so I was disappointed to find it wasn’t at all a credible source

And then I looked into the powderpuff article and it just mentioned Elvis’ entourage and that his cousin Gene Smith maybe wasn’t his cousin but his gay lover, however we know they are related. And then I looked into the Nick Adams rumor and found that Bill Dakota, the Hollywood confidential writer, is also the first one to have started that rumor in 1979. Then because I had nothing better to do I found this book written by Elvis’ entourage and they said they had no idea Nick was supposedly bisexual and that if Elvis had known, it would have hurt him because he liked Nick but didn’t like gay men. quote “elvis hated fags” and “elvis was prejudiced about homosexuals”. I also found a story by Cybill Shepherd who supposedly dated Elvis in the 70s and she said that he was homophobic and once asked a theater to turn off a movie after a gay kiss had been shown

I’m sorry for this being so long but I was just curious to know your thoughts because at one point I believed Elvis was gay or bisexual but I can’t find any source that isn’t just a tabloid rumor, and I’m just finding stories that he was homophobic which I’m really disappointed at :/

I guess this shows you can’t trust most white men from the 50s

anon, i could tell you that it's pretty damn obvious to anybody with eyes that nick adams & elvis dated for a little while there especially when accompanied by natalie wood miss professional beard or i could tell you that tab hunter (actual gay man!) talks about elvis being subpoenaed along with tab himself and liberace (actual gay man!) at the 1957 confidential trial or the 'presley's powderpuff pals' article from on the qt mag isn't talking about gene smith at all but rather about george klein (which we know because of the use of his nicknames 'the weasel' and 'mother') or i could tell you that elvis was pretty damn good friends with openly gay man bill belew considering he designed the comeback special leather outfit (leather culture, anyone?) and all his jumpsuits or you know you could also consider stuff like how straight men don't get almost gaybashed in high school like the story red west's told a million times but like...

lmao this isn't a conversation i'm interested in having over here and that's the precise reason i don't care to discuss elvis at length with anybody but my friends. thanks for making me laugh for like 15 min with that last line though

#asks #anon #like im gonna level with you. you may be stupid

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queerticulate · 2 years

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Stranger Things really makes me reflect on my own youth a lot. And with the last season also especially my journey with homosexuality. It’s an interesting one and I am just gonna go blurt this out on here okay?

I lived in a smallish town in Western Europe and went to secondary education (a combo of middle and high school basically) in the late 00s / early 10s. Times were a lot more homophobic than now. Like, it was collectively acknowledged queer people existed and that they shouldnt be hatecrimed, but it was definitely not something kids were encouraged to imagine themselves as. In my school, no one was out as anything LGBT. Not a single person. Homosexuality and certainly transgenderism were not talked about. Kids who were suspected to be gay got bullied a lot. Teen magazines only talked about homosexuality in terms of scandals - rumors this hot dude or that one might be gay, which he who then firmly deny. My parents did always say it was okay for people to be okay, but always theoretically, not expecting me to actually be gay.

I was an alternative kid. Very gothy for most of my teenaged years. Listened to rock/metal/punk stuff. Was into theatre. At some point through those scenes I started meeting lots of alternative people. I remember knowing one guy who was openly gay. Other than that there was a lot of ‘i am into personalities, not body parts’ going on. My personal brand was ‘i am not gay, but if i ever would fall in love with a girl, i’d be okay with that’. Of course, many of these people later came out. Because I didn’t consider homosexuality as a serious option, a lot of my feelings for girls that definitely were there got twisted in awkward ways. I did the crush on your best friend as a teenager. But because I never really could identify and own up to what I was feeling, it tore the friendship apart. Me and my childhood best friend said to each other we would definitely be in love with each other. I was weirdly fixated on and competitive with a smart short-haired girl in class. When I was out with a friend and some kids on the street were pestering us, we joked we were dating and they challenged us to prove it by kissing. I hoped they would push it to the point we would, but we didn’t. I also did compulsory heterosexuality quite intensely, encouraged by my well-intended by very misguided mother. Preferentially I sought out boys with long hair who wore nailpolish and make-up. I told myself it was because they looked like the rockstars I adored. In truth it was most likely because their gender-bending image got me closer to what I actually wanted. I also preferred guys who were queer themselves.

When sex came into the picture, things got bad. I couldn’t do it. I felt so incredibly disgusted and enraged by the whole idea of it. But I was lonely and scared to be abandoned so I tried to go along with it for as much as I could... all the while beating myself up for thinking I must be so broken.

By the time my first serious relationship ended, I was in uni and the idea of maybe being gay was a little less frightening. Through my theatre club I had also befriended someone who at the time was out as a lesbian. At some point I worked up the courage to ask her if she knew where to meet wlw girls. She told me to tell her if I ever found out. I went back into the closet and started another compulsory heterosexual relationship.

At some point during the relationship I heard the word ace, and thought that was probably me. I ignored the gnawing thought that I also didn’t seem to feel romantic feelings for him. Sex continued to be a problem. So much so, that he kept pushing if I didn’t perhaps have a repressed sexual trauma. At some point he had me in a doctor’s office, trying to officially establish there was something wrong with me. Times started changing though, and there were internet communities where you could talk about gay people and there was more and more representation. Somewhere after crying my eyes out over Orange is the New Black ‘because I will never have that [what Piper and Alex had]’ I must have started figuring it out. After about two years the relationship was falling apart for lots of reasons. At this point I had met a gay dude in uni. I remember meeting up with him and really struggling hard to bite back tears as I confessed that I thought I was gay and had no idea what to do about it. Not much later I broke up with my boyfriend. Me and that gay dude became friends. And online we found this little LGBT club loosely affiliated to our uni. It took us months to work up the courage to go there. When we finally did, I can safely say that it was what finally set me on the right path. I ended up volunteering for it and learned a lot. I started to feel safe to accept my homosexual feelings, experiment with girls, and even feel proud of my identity. Still, I clung to the idea of being bi for years even then. I tried to start things with guys so many times still before I finally figured out that no guy ever felt right for me, because the problem was they were a guy. I had a lot of internalized homophobia to unlearn. It was until I spent a lot of time alone, reflecting, during the pandemic that I finally accepted that I am a lesbian. And still, to this day, I struggle with that word. I call myself gay preferably. I am in my late twenties now, and am yet to find myself my first girlfriend. But boy, do I feel overjoyed with the thought that one day I could marry a girl and call her my wife. It feels magical to realize that is a possibility. So yeah, for me, seeing media where it is established that being queer is not easy, and then having queer characters, queer-coded characters, or characters that I can project onto by thinking them ignorant or closeted, and seeing them / imaging them figuring things out... it’s really validating and healing to me.

#LGBT #coming out story #personal #it's okay to reblog though if this resonates with you #stranger things #not sure if that's an appropriate tag but adding it anyway cause it is related to that

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fakeboitherottengirl · 2 years

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Burn All Copies of “To Train Up A Child”

I once had a man I was babysitting for pull my pants down and hit my nude bottom with a PVC pipe when I refused to beat his child with one. I was probably 9 or 10. He read me sections of that book to justify himself afterward. I kept it to myself because so many people in my church followed that book that I was embarrassed for having “gotten in trouble” and wanted to keep the job (which I lost because I refused to use a PVC pipe to beat a toddler as advised in that book).

I had a Sunday school teacher for 2 years who would hit our hands with a ruler if we couldn’t perfectly recite the memory work (I escaped him by dropping out of Sunday School to volunteer in the nursery and as a sub in younger classes and then eventually to serve as an assistant administrator because my mom for once stood up to the church after I developed blisters from being beaten in the same spot every week). I was called manipulative and over-indulged when my mother put and end to the physical abuse during the 2nd year. When I shaved my head and started dressing like a boy and rumors of me dating girls got around I was brought to a meeting with all the church elders where they berated me about the horrible immorality of homosexuality and my mother’s refusal to use violence as a punishment was seen as the root of my “falling into a dark path”.

I had a crying breakdown one Easter while singing because Jesus died for me and I couldn’t even be a good girl for him and every body around me clapped and gathered around and encouraged me to “weep for my sins” like my distress was this beautiful holy thing.

ive mentioned before but as teenagers mind control tactics like malnutrition and sleep deprovision were practiced on us and presented as “staying up late eating junk food, with some prayer” nobody I knew came out of that place normal.

In the nursery if a child cried i risked both myself and the child being beaten and it causes me to over-coddle the babies I work with and not let them self sooth because a crying child makes me panic. I considered my church family.

Apparently there is a new pastor there and he is very progressive and has actually expressed to my mom that he wants to meet me along with members of my generation to apologize for the abuse allowed to go on at that church during our childhood but i feel weird about it. I also feel like its just physical abuse. There was no sexual abuse by clergy, just first generation German immigrant strictness and old world child rearing tactic and a toxic book that is responsible for pretty much all the religious trauma that wasn’t homophobia-related. My grandpa got his knuckles hit 5 days a week and turned out fine so maybe im just a sissy snowflake but thank god I at least had the nursery as a refuge because my learning disability was treated like a moral failing on a religious level deserving of physical violence and because I was so good in the nursery instead of doing my last unit of Sunday School I took charge of the nursery and I still wonder what happened to some of those kids but Im not sure if an apology from somebody who wasn’t even involved is what I want but I did a lot of work for that church (Enough volunteer hours to graduate as a senior girl scout, the female equivalent of an Eagel scout) and did thousands of hours of unpaid labor for them in my life. I don’t know if it would be healing just to be acknowledged and told what was done to me wasn’t god’s work but I also don’t want to risk anger coming up and coming out at a man who has done nothing wrong and just wants to right the past.

My best friend was in an arranged marriage at 16 to the grandson of the abusive teacher so her family could get in with the church elders and they are on like their 4th kid. My mom finally stopped working for them for 1/4 the asking salary for her position so Im at least glad that she got away from them financially even if she is still involved socially and Id like to believe her claims that drastic progressive changes were made. Im debating attending a service just for her this sunday but Im also wary that even being back in that building might be triggering.

But even though there were so many bad memories, there are so many good ones, so many more good ones of it being the only place I really had friends as a pre-teen. I feel like when most people talk about traumatic childhoods they consistently say it as bad. But in my case it was rose-tinted other than a few “weird” (thats the world I like to use, I know its minimizing but id rather not be dramatic) incidents. And the crazy thing is the people responsible for those incidents especially within the church probably didnt know they were being abusive, they probably think they were “stern” to save our souls. I had moments in that church where I truly felt god’s love. But ive also had wrath enacted upon me in his name.

But yeah TLDR if u purchase a copy of “to train up a child” the state should take ur kids that book is pure evil I don’t think any book should be illegal but “To Train Up A Child” really tests the fortitude of that belief because I want every copy of it destroyed.

#csa mention #to train up a child #cult survivor #child abuse mention #religious trauma

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caradocdearbcrn · 2 years

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did you hear that [ CARADOC DEARBORN ] will be attending the Black Ball during the coming weekend? They recently arrived in London for the social season and we will be excited to see if they make a splash this year. I heard that they are currently working as an [ AUROR & OBLIVIATOR ] and that they have been quite successful. They always reminded me of [ HOT CUPS OF TEA PRESSED INTO YOUR PALMS, A DROP OF BLOOD USED TO SEAL A PROMISE, AN INTENSE LOVE FOR ALL THINGS THAT MAY BE A CATALYST FOR HIS DESTRUCTION ] and I heard that they can be [ LOYAL + DEDICATED ] but also [ LOYAL + SELF-SACRIFICING ]. Rumor has it that they are [ A SUPPORTER OF (kind of reluctantly) ] Tom Riddle, but you know that you can’t believe everything you hear. As far as I know, they are a model member of pureblood society.

name: caradoc dearborn nicknames: doc, captain age: 35 gender: if he stopped to think about it it would crumble but he’s like “cis man i guess”. in reality its much more wibbly wobbly than that but he’s in the 1980s and he doesn’t have reggies self awareness. pronouns: he/they sexuality: thats a big old homosexual relationship status: taken :) nationality: he’s welsh actually and its very cute. past hogwarts house: hufflepuff (you’re welcome ted) extracurriculars: caradoc ran a study group for younger students, was captain of the hufflepuff quidditch team and played as the keeper, he also became captain of a defence against the dark arts club – so for a few years when he walked around hogwarts, people called him “captain” more than they called him caradoc. he was probably head boy in 7th year. current occupation: caradoc works for the auror department and also specialises on being an obliviator for instances where auror’s work needs to be cleaned from people’s minds, or if anybody in the department may have exposed magic to a muggle.

bio:

his father was a scholar. a muggle scholar, a muggle man who loved magic more than he loved life itself. he studied the stories of arthur and merlin, the knights of the round table and their epic quests. he named his son after one of them. caradoc, someone strong and noble and true, someone who would grow up to do wonderful things. his wife was a witch, a beautiful one, and she indulged him in his little fantasy and fed them both on stories of magic as caradoc grew up. he can remember watching her with rapt attention, the same look reflected in his father’s eyes, as she told them about the magical world and all of it’s myths and legends.

his mother grew sick when he was young. she didn’t live to see him take his first steps onto the hogwarts express and go off into the world he had always longed for. she died four days before, so he was a sullen creature when he stepped aboard the train, fresh from her funeral and uninterested in making friends. he’d felt like a ghost on that first day, watching the countryside spin by him on his journey north. when the time for sorting came he sat glumly on the stool, and the sorting hat put him in Hufflepuff, just like his mother had been. when he writes his father a letter to tell him, he gets a reply that says: she would have been so proud of you, and caradoc has to excuse himself to a quiet corner of the castle to cry.

caradoc was always a happy child, and eventually the sadness ebbed to a level where that side of him could come out again. once he learned to smile again he made friends quickly, and once he made friends he had something to distract himself with. he clung to them like he might drown without them, and maybe he would have. maybe if he had been a lonely child he would have longed a little too much to go throw himself in the black lake. he starts making himself smile all the time, carries himself with a casual air of confidence and makes sure his shoulders are relaxed. caradoc was a welcoming presence, always ready with a warm embrace and comforting words. he was a charasmatic leader, a good friend, and a viciously competitive quidditch captain. he grabbed bullies by the scruff of the neck and made sure that the little kids never got in too much trouble.

becoming an auror feels like the thing he should do. his professors push it toward him for years. he’s a good man, a strong man, a man with a good heart. he knows how to teach, and he’s already spent five good years putting bullies in their place. it’s just another thing that caradoc is wonderful at. he takes extra classes during training, specialises in crowd control and calming shit down, negotiating with people who might want to tear the world apart. he takes classes in oblivation and memory modification, so that no muggles walk home at the end of the day believing that magic is real. (he feels liek he’s robbing them of something, when he remembers the wonder in his father’s eyes whenever he learned something new about the magical world.)

love, for caradoc, is an all consuming thing. it burns him up inside until he has nothing else left. he would tear himself apart for love, topple monuments and reduce mountains into rubble. he loves benji fenwick with all his heart, and that means when benji tells him to jump, caradoc says: how high? when benji wants to be a death eater, caradoc holds his breath, locks his morals in a box, and follows him. anything to make sure that benji doesn’t get himself killed.

he tries not to think about how his mother wouldn’t be proud of him anymore.

wanted connections:

( you have married an icarus ; he has flown too close to the sun ) – caradoc is a man who drowns in loyalty, who tries to hold on to love like it is made of little grains of sand that are about to slip through his fingertips. he is a creature of blood oaths and promises sealed with kisses, almost terrifying in his earnest intensity. if he loves you he will let you chain him to a concrete block and throw him into the ocean. he willl let you damn his soul. you’re the one he’s made blood oaths for, the one he’s chained himself to, the one he would kill himself to make smile. (TAKEN / BENJI)

( no one has more resilliance or matches my tactical practical brilliance ) – his partner in the aurors maybe? someone he can lean on and has been leaning on for years. they’ve lived out of each others pockets and he’s learnd so much from them, but maybe they’ve leanred so much about him too. it’s someone he knows he can trust to the ends of the earth and he probably feels ashamed that they might not be able to trust him as much as they should.

( bruised and ruined, you poor sad thing ) – a death eater that wants caradoc to be a little bit more enthusiastic in their activities, someone who wants to push him into the lions den and see him start to relish in the glory of their grand mission.

( dream me the world, something new for every night ) – someone in the orpheus society who, not knowing that Caradoc is a Death Eater, wants to recruit him to their cause.

( i know my sister like i know my own mind ) – an adopted sibling figure in his life, someone he would certainly die trying to protect.

#about

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julietas-rolling-pin · 2 years

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Supplement to that hilarious: “stop crying we’re at a Chinese buffet I don’t care that you’re gay” post in reference to Abuela (which I do still think is accurate but), I DO think there’s a good possibility she could have in the past come off as homophobic at someone simply out of the reoccurring theme of her fear and need to protect her family but not actually wanting to show fear or talk about her emotions? That and a combination of everyone just assuming she would be upset and never talking about it again could easily be passed down the generations and just treated as a truth rather than an exaggerated rumor. I feel like that’s pretty common even with grand/parents that are totally excepting for their family to still be very scared to come out to them if it’s never been a discussed subject.

Anyways, as a sort of example, I could definitely see Abuela finding out Bruno has a boyfriend or catching them or something. And while she might not actually care at all if he’s gay, I could easily see her worrying that other people in town might care and use that as another way to ostracize him with his already growing reputation of being weird and creepy and bad luck. And while it isn’t truly based in homophobia, it can come off as extremely hurtful, especially if the parent has problems expressing or letting others see their emotions. (My parents were very similar to this).

And then post-canon once everyone is working on talking to each other about their emotions and struggles and stuff, I don’t think Bruno would bring that up because he’s just too non confrontational, but someone else might. Or something like that Chinese buffet post happens and Abuela is so chill w it and everyone’s like: >:0 wait omg?? but I thought??? And she’s like: what no no no omg I’m so sorry I made you guys think that I love you

And then they are all happy the end!!!

(I 100% do agree like so many people are so quick to write Abuela as homophobic bc they villainize her so much and don’t understand her character at all. But also I feel like a lot of the stuff people badly write about her being homophobic or other similarish things could actually be well written into her character/story/theme/arc with the right understanding of her complexities and nuance

Anyways, rambling over. I love your account and that Chinese buffet post got me thinking lots of thoughts)

Ohhh yes I can actually see how even though she is not homophobic, her family just assumes it because she's so worried about reputation and keeping up this perfect family image! Hence why nobody actually came out to her because they just assumed she wouldn't be fine with it. So when that Chinese buffet scene occurs and she doesn't even bat an eye, everyone's brain just explodes. And Alma's so apologetic like you said because she feels so bad that everyone thought she'd ostracize them or something 😭

But your point about her probably being worried about what other people think is also so spot on. Because while she personally has no problem with anyone being gay, she does worry about what the townspeople might say. (Honestly also reminds me of something my mom once said to me: "I would have absolutely no problem with my kids being gay, I just wouldn't wish it for them because they'd have it so much harder in life". And while I understand what she meant... it still fucking hurt to hear because I AM bi, I just still haven't told you because you say stuff like that...)

I really don't like people giving Abuela all the awful traits like being homophobic, abusive and straight-up evil just for the sake of villainizing her. Yes, there are possible ways to incorporate these negative characteristics into writing her character and exploring her reasoning, but with the nuance it deserves. You can make her not understand homosexuality (the movie takes place in the early 1900s in a Christian town, it wouldn't be out of character) but to just say Alma is homophobic because you don't like her is not okay.

#anon #ask #alma madrigal #she deserves more respect y'all

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socialanxiety-queen · 3 years

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Queen-O-Ween Day 1: Halloween Lovers of 1954 • Fandom: Sam and a Colby|Solby Ship|ABO themes|and Gore in the one shot below • DO NOT STEAL MY WORK 💋

Every October the legend of the killer lovers of 1954 is spread around each home, warning teenagers to stay home.

Kat sat at the campfire with a few other teens gathered around for warmth. They were having fun on this cold Halloween night as a group of typically loud teens despite their parents warnings. Urban legends fell on deaf ears in this town, people didn’t care anymore. What was the point to? Legends were only stories parents told to their children to keep them from roaming the woods after nightfall.

“Story time!” Kat announced heartily as she tossed an empty beer can into the garbage bag they had brought along for such an occasion. Amber snickered and sat up from her lounged position, fully ready for this one, but Tara was picking at her skirt nervously. She loved Halloween but these woods freaked her out, they were cursed and everyone knew it. It wasn’t as if she’d ever truly seen anything but… Well, the rumors were enough.

“The Lovers of 1954,” Kat drew out with a creepy tone to her voice, “It all starts with the omega, Sam Golbach, who was the mayors son, only son in fact.”

“Damn,” Amber huffed, “Must of been terrible to present as an omega and be the only son back then.”

“Omega guys had it tough no doubt,” Kat nodded, her eyes focused on the flames, “Worst part was, his father would make him hide who he was, blockers and shit. He wasn’t about to be embarrassed by his so-called heir,” Kat rolled her eyes at that, when researching this shit it had made her pissed.

“An Alpha, Colby Brock, the ladies man here-,” Kat started.

“My grandmother said he was fine as hell,” Tara finally spoke up, probably a bit too loud, “But she said he only had eyes for one person so she never stood a chance.”

Kat nodded matter of factly, “He fell for Sam. He knew Sam was his omega but the father didn’t like that..” She threw some twigs into the fire, almost angrily.

The wind gushes around the trees, rustling the branches and leaves loudly, almost as if the forest was listening in and for a moment Tara feared it was as she looked out at into the darkness between the trees.

“He tried barring Colby from the house, demanding they never be near each other again,” Kat ran fingers through her colored hair in thought.

“Please, Colby wanted that bussy and no old ass man would stop true love,” Amber cackled as she opened up a vodka bottle and tossed the cap at least somewhat near the garbage bag. Thank fuck she hadn’t paid for new nails yet.

“Well,” Kat scrunched her face up in disgust at what her next words were to be, “The old ass man..”

“No...” Amber gasped.

“He publicly announced his son was a homosexual who needed to be sent away for treatment,” Kat’s scent soured as she spoke, “Colby knew it meant they’d torture Sam, and he decided they’d run away, get far away from this damn town.”

Tara could see something moving in the tree line, her ears zoned in on it and drowned the other two out. There weren’t any noise to indicate footsteps as far as she could hear but… There was definitely something there. What the fuck was it..?

“The dad found out about their plan, tried to shoot Colby dead, but Sam took a pocket knife and stabbed him before giving Colby room to do the same, sharing the knife between them. That continued their assault till the Mayor was a gurgling mess on the floor,” Kat shivered at the slight chill now forming around them despite the fire roaring healthily between them.

“Good for them,” Amber nodded pridefully and lifted her drink in a toast, “Fucking asshole deserved it.”

“The town didn’t care,” Kat shook her head quickly before Amber could continue her celebration, “They drug the two men out into the square and did a public execution.”

Amber narrowed her eyes and looked out over the lake where their town could be seen on the other side, all twinkling lights and glowing brightly like a ray of hope in the dark. In fact, that place held so many dark secrets it was almost ironic the sight, “Romeo and Juliet…” She sniffled, she might be the slightest bit tipsy…

“I’m not sure if they buried them together, which is why people suspect they come back every year. All those unsolved murders, they claim it’s them getting revenge on a town that killed them for something as simple as self defense,” Kat wiped Ambers tears away as she spoke softly, “They say Sam can be heard whistling his and Colby’s song, if you believe in ghosts coming back and all.”

Amber was about to answer when she noticed Tara was gone, she looked around and when a light whistling carried through the air, she froze, “Tara that’s not funny!”

Kat stood up and listened carefully, her ears peeking to hear better. But the tune was odd, old… If Tara was trying to scare them then damn it was working but…

‘You belong to me’ whistled sharply around the trees, something just a bit too old and coincidental for Tara to even know. No one knew what song was whistled deep in the night, no one stuck around long enough to find out either. When the tone of voice dropped, grew closer, Kat found herself scrambling to her feet to grab Amber.

“Wha-“

“It’s not Tara!” Kat yanked Amber down the path at their left and to the car they’d parked closer to the road.

Hand in hand, two men walked from the forest line, the melody being whistled by the blond as his other half opens and closes his pocket knife staring down at his lover. He leans down to kiss Sam, the taste of candied apples from such a time long ago… Sam holds his hand just a bit tighter, his own knife clutched in a white knuckle embrace in his free hand. The blade was dripping with fresh blood - from Tara, whose body now joined the rest. More blood to soak the grounds here, curse them all. They were robbed of their love by this god forsaken town and every year they would take back what they’re owed in blood.

“Let’s get them all Sammy,” Colby purred into his omega’s hair, “Let’s make them all pay.”

Sam smiled, his scent coating his alpha in adoration.

“Will let those other two live,” Sam spoke softly, he had heard their words and the knowing look from Colby sealed the agreement, “Let’s make the rest beg for their lives.”

Colby led his omega towards the town. The wind howled around the blood soaked couple as if trying to give a final warning to the people whose families are forever cursed in blood.

———

Note: Thank you for reading, if your interested in this story I’m going to start writing a backstory fic of the lovers and a continuation of this one on my AO3 [username is Middy] but I’ll post the chapters here if anyone is interested let me know and I’ll be sure to tag you! I’m also not hating on Tara in this it was really hard to decide who to kill.

#trap o ween #sam and colby #xplr #colby brock #sam golbach #solby #my edit #katrina stuart #amber scholl #tara yummy #trap o ween 21

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kevindayscrown · 3 years

Text

The one where Kevin Day falls in love with an ice hockey player.

Part 4 The Fall

(TW: Panic attacks, mentions of violence, mentions of homophobia, mentions of Riko because he deserves his own trigger warning)

Anything included in this head canon takes place the semester after the Foxes won the championship against the Ravens.

Disclaimer: I know next to nothing about varsity teams in the United States so excuse any false information. Read first the Introduction, Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3.

Weeks passed, the chilling breezes of October giving way to the bitter cold of mid-November. The season had started off to a satisfying foot for the Foxes of the Exy team, the new recruits slowly adjusting. Everything was falling into place.

The calm before the storm.

Kevin reserved three nights a week for sneaking with Eric to the Foxhole Rink and practice his skating skills.

It was a slower process than he would have wanted, but Kevin knew about slow processes. It had taken him half a year before he could use a racquet with his left hand again.

However, Kevin was also a firm believer of proper equipment being part of an athlete’s success. His borrowed skates just wouldn’t do, especially now that the two of them had moved on from simple skating to actual ice hockey.

Eric agreed to take him to buy his own pair. Kevin had to skip class just so he wouldn’t have to find another excuse. He still wasn’t sure if Andrew genuinely believed him every time he came up with a reason to skip night practice and then disappear for hours.

They were looking at the designs the store had in stock when it happened.

Kevin felt his cellphone vibrate in his pocket. He could guess that it was probably Nicky, wanting to annoy him with something.

When it didn’t stop, he sighed in frustration and picked it up.

“What?”

“I’m so sorry Kevin.” It was Dan.

“Sorry about what?”

Dan had a knack for taking photos of the foxes throughout the year so she could put them on the wall back at the court. She carried a camera everywhere with her.

She’d carried one when they’d gone at the rink after the Exy team lost the bet.

Kevin rushed forward and asked the cashier if he could use one of the computers in the store.

It was everywhere in local and nationwide websites. Mostly on gossip tabloids. The ice hockey players had apparently gotten their hands on the photo and in their attempts to harmlessly tease their captain, they ended up spreading the photo around on the internet.

‘Kevin Day’s newest conquest? Staring Striker swings a different way than you’d expect.’

‘All for the Wrong Game? Exy-Prodigy Kevin Day on Thin Ice.’

On the articles, pictures of Eric having his arm wrapped around him when he almost fell on the rink and of them entering the Foxhole Rink in the late hours, were attached. He couldn’t even tell when those had been taken and by whom.

“Shit.”

Crude commentary, speculations, jokes, slurs, people suddenly claiming they always knew. It was all over the news. The headlines alone were bad enough.

‘Perhaps Kevin and Riko’s relationship was of a different nature.’

Kevin was going to be sick.

“What the hell happened Day? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost,” Eric demanded but Kevin could barely hear him.

He was having a hard time breathing. The last time he had panicked like that was when he told the press he had never been skiing before and instantly thought Riko would kill him for it. Now, it was another Moriyama who could take his life for such a stupid mistake.

Before his thoughts could keep going downhill, Eric grabbed his wrist on his right arm and dragged him down one of the alleys that was the least crowded. Kevin then felt hands cradling his face. Eric stared down at him with a harsh look, though one also of concern.

“These rumors go around all the time about every celebrity, Kevin,” He said, trying to comfort him.

“No, no, he-,” he stopped and tried to breathe in again. “Fuck. Fuck!” He pulled away and ran his fingers through his hair. Kevin hadn’t circled the news like that ever since it was announced that he had transferred to Palmetto State University.

“He? Who? Kevin, talk to me.”

Simple rumors have ruined careers, Kevin knew that. It was the rumor of him being better than Riko that had gotten him to break Kevin’s hand and almost ending his own career. It was by luck that he could recover and play again.

Pro teams weren’t tolerant to gossiping rumors that could ruin their image. And they sure as hell weren’t progressive enough to accept homosexual players – even only rumored ones - in their lineup. Kevin had already signed, but would they break his contact over this?

If they did, if he didn’t make it to pros, he would be useless to Ichirou. He would get rid of Kevin overnight.

“Kevin.” Eric’s stern voice snapped him back to reality.

“Ichirou Moriyama,” he finally said and stared down at his hands. The white scar across his left palm was somehow more prominent at that moment.

Eric was confused, as it was expected. Kevin gathered the remainings of his sanity to explain as best as he could. He didn’t know why or how, maybe it was his panic, his need to talk to someone, Eric’s concerned expression, but he was suddenly sharing everything. The Moriyamas owning Kevin ever since his mother died, Riko breaking his hand, everything going on in the background last year that people didn’t know about, and of course, the deal Neil had made with Ichirou.

By the time he was done, he was shaking and Eric remained completely silent.

“Fuck it,” the goaltender suddenly said. “Any pro team would be stupid to not take Kevin Day into their lineup because of this. You are the best striker in the history of Exy. You are passionate, you are determined. You have an insufferable ego, yes, but you are Exy. It’s your legacy. They won’t take it away from you.”

Kevin wasn’t sure how to react to this, but he felt a twitch in his chest.

Usually, when he had a panic attack, the Foxes or Wymack would hand him a bottle of vodka and call it a day. They didn’t know how to handle him.

Somehow, Eric however, knew exactly what to say.

“I- Thank you,” he said and clenched his hands into fists.

His phone rings again and Andrew’s name appeared on the screen.

Whatever composure he had regained, vanished into thin air.

Before he could reach for it, Eric grabbed the phone and picked it up. Kevin wasn’t sure what had been shared, and he wondered which of his knives Andrew would use to skin them both alive.

It didn’t take long for the blond to show up. Kevin was immediately at his feet, but wasn’t quick enough. Andrew already had a skate on his hand, apparently deciding to get creative and test how sharp the blade of it was.

He was going for Eric before Kevin could stop him.

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theprocrastinatingredkitty · 3 years

Text

Byeonduck-nim is telling us something suspish, I can tell

LOOK AT THOSE GORGEOUS BRIGHT COLORS 😭 Yes, I know, the drawing itself doesn’t seem to be finalized yet BUT LOOK AT THOSE SUNBEAMS!!!!

Nothing in the series is coincidental, everything has meaning

This seems to be from a flashback of sorts, as Na-Kyum’s body seems to be thinner and smaller here. He seems to be at a tavern as well. (BOY, WHERE ARE YOUR GUARDIANS???) For me, this seems to be a time when he was still full of joy, judging by the rays of sunlight beaming down at him. The tavern and its shadows seem to symbolize his state of mind, as he was still a sheltered child in this scene. And the presence of four stacks of cups (15 in total) tell me that the other adults are somewhere within the vicinity and they left Na-Kyum alone with the sweet treats for him to consume (poor bby 😭)

Now, in BD’s post, she asks us to imagine taking medicine, which doesn’t sound much at first glance, but do you remember something similar to this scene?

In c57, we see the doctor telling Na-Kyum of a flashback about Seungho’s “illness”.

Later on, we see the adults talking in one corner while Kim talks to little Seungho to keep him entertained and to keep an eye on him

In contrast to the first picture above, as Na-Kyum didn’t really have any servants as he was an orphaned boy, he’d be left alone while the adults talk away doing adult things while Seungho, at least, had his servants to keep him company

If we align this to BD’s post, what’s there to say that the adults there went away from Na-Kyum so as to talk about him and possibly... of an “illness”? Probably an “illness” that is similar to Seungho’s? I suddenly had a thought. We know that Heena had most likely told (or suggested) In-Hun of Na-Kyum’s homosexuality. She probably told it to him in a roundabout way, probably telling the scholar that her brother loves him a little too much, like that of a father (or something). What if In-Hun knew of this all along and his suspicions were confirmed when Heena told him of Na-Kyum’s condition, and therefore had suggested that Na-Kyum be treated as well, similar to what Yoon dad wanted for Seungho?

I am guessing that Heena didn’t agree to these methods as Na-Kyum remained of sound mind in his childhood, and she probably asked In-Hun to keep it a secret from Na-Kyum, thus planting the seed that In-Hun had now thought of Na-Kyum becoming a prostitute due to his upbringing and his secret homosexuality. The sweets that Na-Kyum ogled at is a distraction so he couldn’t hear what the people around him were saying about him, it was like how Seungho was “distracted” due to the drugs he had after the beating and assault took place.

The only difference between this situation compared to Seungho’s is: In-Hun thought of making Na-Kyum the scapegoat much, much later, during the time he realized Seungho is smitten with Na-Kyum, compared to Yoon dad, who thought of Seungho as a prostitute prior to the doctor’s visit

So, to summarize the similarities of these two scenes, we have:

1. the scene opened with closeups of the thatched roofs

2. the presence of light reflecting innocence (for Na-Kyum, the sunbeams; and for Seungho, his “lighthearted” expression)

2. a flashback of their younger selves

3. a trip outside accompanied by adults

4. the mention of medicine for a treatment of an “illness”

5. father figures trying to use their “sons” and sell them into prostitution

The question now is, what could possibly trigger Na-Kyum to recall these memories?

If you notice the pattern in s2, after the doctor had told Na-Kyum of Seungho’s “illness”, Seungho returned to him, feverish. And after a love session, Na-Kyum was kidnapped. Things happened, and all went down the drain from there on out

So I am guessing the first picture will only appear AFTER THE SECOND KIDNAPPING takes place, wherein Na-Kyum’s brain will go into fight or flight, recalling all memories that he could use to possibly escape or for people he can call help to, similar to c60

Now, THAT is possibility number 1.

Possibility number 2 is through a clue on BD’s recent sketch:

Recall that in s1, Na-Kyum also witnessed a similar situation where they slept together and Seungho was in the middle of a nightmare. In my theory, the sight of Seungho having a nightmare could trigger Na-Kyum to recall the doctor’s words about the illness, thus also prompting him to recall his own memories about the adults talking in secret about him. This could throw Na-Kyum into protective mode over Seungho, as he had done so since c38 when he first saw Seungho have a nightmare while they slept together

And what happened after that particular scene?

In-Hun comes to his room, asking about Seungho and his recent bout of scandal in public about him being seen with a lowborn at night.

And that’s it. THAT IS WHEN IN-HUN WILL RETURN. TO ASK NA-KYUM CONFIRMING IF THE RUMORS WERE TRUE. YET DIFFERENT FROM S1, NA-KYUM WILL NO LONGER REPLY:

But rather probably somewhere along the lines from c11, but instead of Na-Kyum contradicting In-Hun, it would be:

Na-Kyum has nothing left for In-Hun but pain and dead anger that he cannot express, and only Seungho will heal that pain, urging Na-Kyum to now become truly protective of Seungho’s name and reputation. Similar to Seungho who had been thrown away and had externalized his father’s teachings that he’s a prostitute, Na-Kyum, too, will externalize In-Hun’s accusation of him becoming a prostitute, making it “come true” as well. The only difference is, Na-Kyum will only be for Seungho and Seungho alone, as the painter had proved himself to be extremely loyal to those he loves

#potn #painter of the night #yahwacheop #potn analysis #painter of the night analysis #yahwacheop analysis #manhwa analysis #seungho x nakyum

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yurimother · 4 years

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LGBTQ Manga Review - Goodbye, My Rose Garden Vol. 1

Dr. Pepperco’s Goodbye, My Rose Garden is by no means the first Yuri work centered around a maid or even the first set in late 19th or early 20th century England. Indeed, recent titles such as Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid and Blackberry Honey only scratch the surface of these factors’ presence in the genre. Elements of servitude and Victorian English society go way back, even being featured in the works that inspired the early genre, like Hodgson Burnett’s A Little Princess. (On a side note, A Little Princess was itself re-imagined as a Yuri visual novel in the highly unappreciated A Little Lily Princess.) This maid culture is almost as omnipresent in Yuri as senpai and kohai relationships. An easy test to determine if something is intrinsic to the Yuri genre is to ask yourself, ‘did Strawberry Panic parody this?’ If so, then the element in question is almost certainly a Yuri trope.

Yet, despite the plethora of Yuri stories that incorporate maids or are set in the Victorian era, I found Goodbye, My Rose Garden to be a refreshing and thoughtful story, one in which the setting plays a vital role in the series’ politics and drama. The manga, set at the beginning of the 20th century, follows a young Japanese woman named Hanako, who travels to England in hopes of meeting her favorite author and becoming a novelist. Shortly after her arrival, she meets a young noblewoman, Alice Douglas, and bonds with her over their shared love of literature. Hanako becomes Alice’s personal maid, and, to her astonishment, Alice offers Hanako all that she was she has wanted on the startling condition that Hanako kill her.

Throughout the first volume, Hanako struggles to come to terms with Alice’s disturbing plea. Her situation becomes even more precarious as her relationship to Alice grows stronger and more profound, moving them beyond master and servant and even beyond friendship. These developments are believable, as Hanako is quickly set up as Alice’s sole confidant, and seemingly the only person undisturbed by the scandalous rumors surrounding Alice. The details of these rumors that Alice prefers women over men are slowly hinted at and revealed throughout the manga. Most of the story is built on such slow hints and reveals, which are incredibly well-paced. Some information answers the reader’s questions, such as the truth of the mysterious author Victor Franks, while other details set up mysteries for future volumes, like the events that led to the disappearance of Alice’s governess.

The story is not only well-paced but beautifully told. Narration clues readers into both main characters’ insights as it switches between Alice and Hanako. This detail helps cement the relationship between the two and further expresses how fond Alice is of Hanako. However, my favorite aspect of Goodbye, My Rose Garden is Dr. Pepperco’s attention to detail. The author clearly did a fair amount of research, which is confirmed in the afterword, about Victorian society and fashion, such as Hanako’s “Margaret” hairstyle, literature, which is frequently referenced in the manga although such allusions are hardly more than surface level, such as name dropping Frankenstein, and same-sex relationships. This last point is perhaps the most important. Alice’s predicament is compared to that of Oscar Wilde, who was imprisoned and exiled because of his alleged homosexuality. As a noblewoman, Alice is trapped between her feelings, an impending marriage she dreads, and her responsibility to her family. It is as thrilling and precarious as the best historical dramas but has a chilling air of historical realism.

The characters in Goodbye, My Rose Garden are incredibly likable. Readers will easily sympathize with Alice’s plight, as her dismay is effectively communicated, but also love her for her kindness and vulnerability. Alice herself admits to Hanako that her warm persona is a mask to hide her shame and grief, but readers are quickly able to determine this fact before the admission, thanks to her desire for death and the private thoughts and moments we glimpse of her. Hanako shares Alice’s kindness, although she is somewhat more flustered and bumbling, often expressing embarrassment and humility at Alice’s generous actions. However, she is also quite outspoken and very progressive, making her thoughts about love and acceptance clear to a salesman, “Love is Free. To me, being shackled by expectations is what’s truly unnatural.”

Even the supposed villain of Goodbye, My Rose Garden, Edward, is impossible to hate. He is betrothed to Alice, although he suspects the nature of her feelings for Hanako. However, he is still a reasonably kind man who makes every effort to show Alice and Hanako generosity and respect, although the bad company he keeps occasionally spurs him to take rash action. I favorably compare him to Reiichi from the early volumes of If I Could Reach You, a sympathetic character in unfortunate circumstances who stands in the way of the central Yuri relationship.

Dr. Pepperco’s art is highly detailed. Especially the fashionable attire presented; however, it never oversteps and invades the core of the story. One particular aspect I noticed was the way Hanako’s face is drawn slightly differently than the others, taking on a more moe appearance with a rounded face and large eyes. Her expressions are also the only ones that are ever exaggerated. This detail helps separate Hanako from the world around her, which fits within the manga’s narrative, as she is a Japanese woman living amongst the English upper class. It is a lovely visual reinforcement of her position.

There are also plenty of gorgeous scenes featuring the two women. While not sexually explicit, the scenes depict a different kind of service. It could be one woman crying into the other’s shoulder, or else them sharing an umbrella. Such moments occasionally come off as somewhat lazy and catering to the genre’s tropes, but they serve the purpose of showcasing Alice and Hanako’s closeness and make for great art inserts for reviews.

Goodbye, My Rose Garden is a thoughtful and slightly sad manga. While the beats of the story are somewhat predictable and unremarkable, the careful consideration of the setting and realism of the narrative helps prevent it from sliding into melodrama. This attention to detail surrounds everything from the art to the loveable characters. It is an engaging and beautiful period piece. I applaud it for the strong presentation, its sincere and moving narrative, and the inclusion of historic LGBTQ struggles. I cannot wait to read more about Hanako and Alice’s journey in the next volume and wholeheartedly recommend the series. On a final note special thanks to Amber Tamosaitis, Cae Hawksmoor, and Kaitlyn Wiley for their fantastic translation, adaptation, and lettering respectively.

Ratings: Story – 8 Characters – 7 Art – 8 LGBTQ – 6 Sexual Content – 0 Final – 8

Purchase Goodbye, My Rose Garden Vol. 1 here: https://amzn.to/3ejm6ZF

Review copy provided by Seven Seas Entertainment

#yuri #goodbye my rose garden #reviews #review #manga #lgbt #lgbtq #queer #gay #victorian #maid #anime #girls love #gl #wlw #lesbian #comic #period

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okaywitheverything · 4 years

Text

World’s Worst Best Men: Itachi x Wife!Reader

A/n: I'm not writing a summary but I have a feeling you'll like this one. Not so much romance as usual, but it is fun and I’m proud of it.

Pairing: Itachi x Wife!Reader, Platonic Sasuke x Reader

Word Count: 1.7K

Here’s the dress I imagine wearing. Though, your imagination is key.

♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤

Uchiha weddings were nothing, if not extravagant and over the top, you should know, you have had one for yourself.

Standing beside your husband of three years, the prodigy, Itachi Uchiha, you couldn't have been happier. Sasuke was getting married and you and Itachi had the most triumphant grins on your faces, both beaming gleefully.

You and Itachi had been childhood bestfriends but didn't start dating dating until late teen years. So naturally Sasuke had been an important person in your life, an amazing boy whom you had watched grow up.

The wedding had been a blast, everyone enjoying themselves to the fullest. Asuma and Kurenai were dancing along with their son in a group with Kakashi and Gai. Kakashi drunk dancing was really a sight for sore eyes.

Genma was at the bar, really vibing with one of Sakura's distant aunts while Iruka was being paired up with one of Hinata's quiet aunts by Naruto.

Minato and Kushina were standing alongside Fugake and Mikoto drinking champagne and feeling proud.Smiles of genuine happiness were on each of their faces as they felt their life goals had been achieved.

Of course all the boys were dancing alongside the Jounins' group with Sasuke in between surrounded by a wild Naruto, drunk Kiba, flustered Lee and other friends of the like.

The girls were in their own group with the bride in between surrounded by perfectionist Ino, jovial Tenten, inebriated Temari, bewildered Hinata and likewise. Ino kept straightening the flowers in the newlywed girl's hair.

This was all you could ever ask for someone as important to you as Sasuke. You, someone who never cried, almost shed a tear when Sauske said his vows. The fact he found love in his life made you really grateful to God.

After all the guest tired themselves out by uncoordinated and off beat dancing, it was time for the best man's speech or in this case, best men.

Naruto and Itachi were the two best men as they both mean the world to Sasuke. His best friend and his elder brother.

With a champagne flute in hand, Naruto started, "Putting our rivalry aside for one day, I would go so far as to call you-, this is only a once in a lifetime privilege remember Teme," He referred to Sasuke getting off track his speech, "-my best friend. Who would have thought you would get married? Howbeit to a girl?"

Everybody laughed, silently agreeing with Naruto. The atmosphere of the wedding hall was bright, beautiful and cheery. The exuberant and buoyant gathering listened with real enthusiasm.

"I don't have anything against you marrying a guy, honestly because all of us expected you to, after you broke a lot of poor girls' hearts."

Sasuke seemed really shocked at this, even his mouth fell open with widened eyes while everyone once again silently agreed. Sasuke's shock told you that he actually had never heard about this rumor before.

God, he was a really oblivious kid.

"I know, Dobe," Naruto said referring to Sasuke's surprised expression, "I was that shocked too, when I came to know they shipped you with me nonetheless, because that was something even I wasn't aware of." Naruto and Sauke both made disgusted faces, as if on cue. The look of terror on Sasuke’s face might have led people to believe it was the most sinister thought ever.

But they did look cute together.

"But I guess they say, you aren't really best friends if they don't confuse you as homosexuals." Naruto let out a beaming grin while Sasuke gave a crooked smile. Everyone inwardly cooed at the pure expressions.

"However, there is one female I remember you crushing on, the only one in the entirety of our lives."

Sasuke had a look of horror on this face as he shook his head 'no' immediately, trying to get Naruto to shut up, specks of red in his eyes as he threatened to activate his 'Sharingan'.

"I remember you being all flustered and look at (Y/N) with heart eyes.”

Naruto's grin widened, showing his pearly whites, clearly content with Sasuke's reaction.

Your name caught you off-guard and you were in absolute shock. People turned around to give you a not-so-subtle glance but you didn’t care. You always thought Sasuke was a shy and quiet kid who liked to keep to himself. Mikoto let out a cheer while Fugaku smiled. Itachi let out a deep-throated chuckle from beside you which caused you to turn to him, “You knew about this?”

He silently nodded with a smile on his face and you carried on, “And never even mentioned it to me? Would it have killed you to do so?”

“It wasn’t any of my business. Also, it was pretty funny.”

You lightly hit his arm and retorted, “Oh God, I don’t even know who I got married to!”

A smile still broke out on your face as you turned to Naruto once again.

“I remember once Kiba and I were hanging out and we heard a really high pitched shriek from the forest. We ran all the way inside thinking someone was in danger but it turned out to be Sasuke squealing beacuse it was (Y/N)’s birthday and she gave him a kiss on the cheek for some gift he gave her. I swear our ears started bleeding. He was so red that we thought all the tomatoes he ate finally caught up to him.”

You blinked twice, your expression blank. Then a coy smile made its way to your face. You looked over to find Sasuke as red as a cherry, not even meeting your eyes. He was definitely praying to God that looks could kill, so that Naruto would drop dead.

“I remember that back in the academy, he never let any of us touch his hair because (Y/N) ruffled it while dropping him off. So he would sit through the lessons looking like he just woke up.”

All his classmates snickered at that, recalling the fond memory, while you were amused. It was so hilarious to see such a stoic person so flabberghasted.

“The most interesting incident that came out of all this was, and I’m totally risking my life by telling you all this. Sasuke would kill me if I even narrate it to anyone, rather announce it on the microphone at his wedding, but your best friend gets married only once. Well hopefully. If I turn up dead by the coming of dawn, it was Sasuke Uchiha everyone.”

Everyone laughed along once again while half of the people were on the edge of their seats thinking what it could possibly be. Sasuke had a puzzled expression on his face, anticipating and fearing what Naruto had up his sleeve.

“Anyways, one when we were high........ I mean drunk, he confessed of a secret love letter he wrote to (Y/N) as a tween but never sent it.”

Your eyes widened as you let out an audible gasp while the room buzzed with chortles and sniggers. Your brother-in-law crushing on you wasn’t necessary negative news but the whole event had overwhelmed you that you could not contemplate even your reaction.

Apparently, you were the only one to be surprised as all the other guests smiled knowingly and cackled. You glanced over to find Sasuke so scarlet that you wondered if the sharingan had spread to his face given that his kekkei genkai was active now.

Itachi chuckled again seeing your reaction and put an arm around your shoulder while gently squeezing. You turned to him and finaly let out a chuckle yourself, eyes still widened in disbelief.

“Am I dreaming?” you asked and shook your head.

“Seriously though, have I been that oblivious Itachi? How could I not notice this while everyone here recalls it as some keen memory?” You held your head with one hand, leaning furthermore into itachi. Your eyes flickered to see Sasuke’s eyes, boring apologetically into your own.

One look at his chiseled face told you of his anxiety and concern. The small frown on his face saddened your heart.

Does he think I hate him? Poor baby, NO!

You weren’t offened, flattered if anything. But the spontaneity of the situation rendered you speechless.

You gave him the best smile you could muster, wiggling your eyebrows at him and blowing him a kiss from your cherry lips, and grinning again.

He visibly relaxed, shoulders now less taut, jaw a bit slackened though his face remained painted in scarlet hues. Seeing him calm down, you winked at him and turned to Naruto again, anticipating his next words.

“My only regret tonight is that I couldn’t find that letter even inside his personal diary or his deep closet. I swear it was there the last time! No worries, hope you found this speech of mine, entertaining as it is. One last toast to Sasuke though, for his new life ahead. Cheers.”

Sasuke cooled down with each passing word, smirking triumphantly when he realised he won’t be shred of his remaining dignity anymore.

Everyone toasted together, drinking huge mouthfuls of their wines, rejoicing in Naruto’s words for Sasuke.

Itachi kissed your temple, and left you while moving to the centre of the stage, where Naruto was.

“If I may?” He asked as Naruto passed him the microphone.

“I’d like to say how proud of my baby brother to have come this far in life, as a great shinobi, an excellent son, a marvelous friend and a terific human overall.”

Everone clapped vigourously including you, while all his classmates hollered and hooted. A faint blush adorned Sasuke’s cheeks as he visibly pouted on being call ‘baby bro’.

“And I was about to give a half an hour long speech, but my wee brother’s best friend, Naruto just stole all my content. So much for the tales.” Itachi playfully sighed, all the specatators buzzed with laughter while Sasuke deadpanned.

Well, he wont forget his wedding day ever now. Everyone is dead set on embarrassing him.

“However, I do have something Naruto didn’t have.”

Everyone stilled, waiting with anticipation of what was about to come, including you. Itachi refused to rehearse his best man speech with you because he wanted to write a speech for Sasuke on his own, heartfelt and everything.

He reached inside his tuxedo’s jacket and took out an old cramped paper, yellowing a bit and you raised your eyebrows, questioningly.

Sasuke gulped.

“I have the love letter, everyone!”

Oh Wow.

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A/N: If you reading this, atleast you made it till the end. Thank you.

So that was that. It was some scenario I just thought about. A bit of a cliffhanger, I haven’t thought about a follow up part 2, but we’ll see if that’s what you want.

Thanks for the love you gave me on my first post, we reached 200 if you count the separate posts I made by mistake. This inspires me to write. Remember, requests are OPEN so feel free to hit my asks page.

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