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camilaxmartin · 4 months

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request: Could you do a Vanessa x Reader fic, where the reader falls for her, but due to their past, constantly being rejected, or falling in love with awful people. The reader begins to distance themselves from her and ignores her calls, texts, and doesn’t talk to her on the night shifts. One night Vanessa comes in and sees reader isn’t there but sees a note, explaining themselves. Telling Vanessa that you can come and talk to them in another room or just leave and never talk to them again.

Also, could I be 🦐 anon?

napkin with a name

my dear 🦐, i’m so sorry for the wait but school’s been a lot lately and also i’ve got some other stuff going on but im getting back to all the requests finally!! also im so sorry but i accidentally deleted your request as i published it too fast😭

navigation // information // masterlist

summary: request

warnings: angst (not proof read, i’ll probably do it later)

notes: i made mike our bsf here, hope you don’t mind!:) oh and i made a happy ending cause i couldn’t fully end it with angst😭 (it was my first time writing real angst so i hope and pray it isn’t bad💀)

requests: closed!!

12.05

i came to work today late as always, but i was surprised to notice i was the first one there. i walked around the pizzeria to look for any signs of mike but he wasn’t anywhere near. confused i went to our shared office, the camera room, just to find it empty as well. i let out a deep sigh and sat down on the chair before cameras to watch for him clocking in even later than me, but that never happened. a few hours went by as i lost any hope for him coming in today, i rolled my eyes at the whole situation and decided to give him a talk the next time we see about not even informing me im was gonna work alone tonight. watching the cameras i saw police car pulling up to the parking and let out a groan at the sight. what could it be this time? i wanted to groan again but then i saw a blonde leaving the car and heading straight to the door. confused i tilted my head and watched her as she calmly stood there and finally rang the bell. like on fire i stood up from my seat disturbed by the sudden sound and opened the door for her. she gently pushed the door and went in visibly looking for someone. i left the office and went straight to the entrance to meet her and ask what is the reason she showed up tonight. when i made my last turn i saw her and my heart immediately dropped. she was one of the most, if not the most beautiful woman i’ve seen in my life. collecting myself i went up to her and finally spoke up.

“hi officer, is there any problem?” i asked still being confused on her being here. she just laughed and i swear, the sound of it would be the death of me.

“name’s vanessa.” she said as she hand out her hand for me to shake. “and no, there isn’t any problem in particular i just wanted to see how you guys have been doing.. here.” she added and softly smiled, i would say even too softly. without thinking i shook her hand and smiled as well.

“oh. okay then.” i said more to myself, not having any idea how badly that one conversation would affect my many upcoming days.

14.05

tonight me and mike were sharing a shift again. surprisingly we both showed up at time so it was a pleasant one right from the beginning. around two am, a certain blonde police officer came up again. mike was a bit surprised at first but i explained to him that two days ago she was here too just to see how the shift was going. i don’t think he believed me but i couldn’t do much about it anyway. i walked over to the door to invite her in, mike following me with a bit sceptical look on his face. i chuckled as i reached the door opening it for the pretty blonde. her face almost immediately lighted up when she saw me. i could feel my face blushing.

“vanessa, this is mike. my shift buddy.” i introduced him as he gave her a small wave. she smiled to him waving back.

“i’m vanessa.” she greeted him with a wave back and i smiled at the interaction.

“is tonight any problem or you just checking up as last time?” i ask being more confident than natural even confusing myself. vanessa moved her eyes to me once again and chuckled.

“no problem at all, just checking.” my smile widened more as i moved away from the door to let her in. she did so, and started talking with mike again.

“i hope you, you both, don’t mind my presence here. i get all the shifts around here so coming in seems… like a bit of variety to my night work.” she said and mike just shook his head signalling that it’s okay for her to be here. she then looked at me and i did the same thing as he did, earning myself a beautiful smile from the beauty standing before me.

“it’s okay, we don’t really do much around here either” mike spoke up and she moved her attention to him once again. “and my ‘shift buddy’ seems to be excited with you being here” he said with a smirk and i rolled my eyes at him. she laughed at his words and walked away going to the stage room.

i walked up to mike and gave his shoulder a punch for what he said. he laughed at my actions and rolled eyes with a soft smile.

“what has gotten into you?” i asked being confused but mostly surprised at his previous words. he just looked at me with a begging look and laughed once again.

“please, i see how you look at her and how your face lighted up when she parked her car here.” he said and i felt my face blushing again. maybe there was a bit of truth in his words?

“don’t be ridiculous, she’s just some police officer and you’re acting like i she’s the love of my life” i said and scoffed giving his shoulder another punch. he dodged away and chuckled loud enough only for us to here.

“i’ve never said anything about her being the love of your life.” he said and smirked as i scoffed again. “and that’s exactly how i know, you like her at least a tiny bit.” he added and i rolled my eyes.

“you’re being outrageous, i’m just being nice, she seems nice so im being nice.” i tried to explain myself realising i was only digging my own grave. he laughed this time and i pushed him away walking away from him and following her to the stage room.

when i walked in i saw her standing before the stage talking to freddie. what an adorable sight. i took myself out of the trance and walked over, closer to her not wanting to spook her.

“they’re pretty cool.” i said with a smile looking at the animatronics. she immediately looked over at me and smiled.

“seems like they like you too.” she said with a laugh and i didn’t fully understand her but just laughed along with her. her eyes went to the animatronics again only to go back to my face again in a second. i smiled noticing it while looking at her too and smiling widely. she chuckled softly looking at my face and maybe it was my imagination but she stole a glance at my lips. i wanted to say something but mike interrupted us.

“i can watch the cameras for a while if you want to talk with her.” he said standing at the doorframe with a smirk on his face. oh god. i rolled my eyes moving my eyes from her to him and nodded my head.

“if you want to.” i shrugged and he laughed at the way i tried to sound nonchalantly. vanessa chuckled as well and i felt my face red up again.

“you know where to find me.” he said and saluted to me walking out of the room and going to the cameras once again.

vanessa looked at me with a grin as she fixed her belt, i swear she was doing that on purpose as well. she started to wander around the room looking anywhere but at me. i shook my head slightly at her actions.

“so…” she started and stole a glance at me going back to looking around once again. i stood there observing her with an uncontrollable smile widening on my face. “you’ve been working here for long?” she asked and i almost laughed at the question and the silence part she wanted to say but never did if i was working here for long with mike. i slowly started to walk to her putting my hands in my pockets.

“not too long, but some time, yeah.” i answered and smiled at my own mysterious words. she stood in her place and looked at me with amusement painted on her face.

“and how’s it been? you like it here?” she asked still looking at me as i was slowly walking towards her.

“it’s okay, at least i made a new friend when i started working here.” i said with a smile referring to mike and my relationship with him. she smiled at my words but i could see how that smile was turning into a smirk.

“a new friend huh?” she asked grabbing her belt once again looking at me gently rising one of her eyebrows.

“yup.” i chuckled being close to her now, maybe one meter away. “just a friend.” i added with my own smirk.

“i see.” she smirked fully now and looked me up and down not being so subtle about it.

“why?” i asked wanting to see how she was gonna reacted. her smirk just grew more.

“just asking.” she shrugged moving her belt along. i rolled my eyes playfully at that. “trying to see if i could ask you out.” she said bluntly and i immediately lost my smirked not being ready for her to be so straightforward. after a second my smile came back.

“maybe you could, just need to try.” i chuckled as she moved a bit closer to me reducing the space between us. vanessa bit her lip smoothly, looking at me with a smirk. she started the sentence but mike interrupted us again.

“don’t wanna ruin your moment or anything, as i was excitedly watching you two through the cameras, but that thing.. you know what thing… in our office broke down again and i need you to fix it.” he said scratching the back of his neck while looking at us. i looked at him with mercy in my eyes shaking my head.

“yes, sure.” i said and started walking to him being done with everything at that point. vanessa laughed and collected herself almost immediately, while clearing her throat.

“i’ll be going, just got another call.” she said and i looked at her over my shoulder with surprise. “we’ll get back to that conversation another day.” she added with a chuckle as she excused herself and walked out of the room, leaving my speechless, going to the office once again.

17.05

i was right on time again and smiled noticing that mike wasn’t there yet. i confidently walked into our office and put down my stuff sitting comfortably in the chair and looking at the cameras. what i didn’t expect was a police car pulling into the parking this early. i tilted my head and watched as vanessa left her car and walked to the door. leaving my office i quickly went to the entrance wanting to let her in. i smiled seeing her through the glass and immediately opening the door for her.

“mike’s not here?” she asked as she went in, looking around.

“nope, not yet at least.” i said and closed the door. “but he’ll probably get here soon, after last time i told him to always inform me if he’s not gonna make it.” i shrugged and looked at her with w smile.

“i see.” she chuckled and went to the stage room, i followed her like a lost puppy. she said her greetings to the animatronics and turned her attention to me.

“long time no see?” i laughed and she laughed as well, moving a bit closer to me. i tried to move back but unfortunately, or not, there was a table behind me so my legs just hit the wood. she chuckled at that and made another step towards me.

“you can say that.” she said softly, the smirk suddenly turning up to her face. i smiled dumbly to her observing as she was coming even closer to me with every second.

“why so early tonight?” i asked looking at her face and unconsciously licking my lips. her smirk widened.

“just wanted to see you.” she shrugged and i felt my face blushing once again. “and maybe i hoped for mike to be late.” she added with a chuckle and my eyes widened with surprise and amusement.

“any particular reason you wanted to see me, officer?” i chuckled as she was now standing directly in front of me, her nose almost touching mine.

“maybe, maybe not.” she said with a chuckle looking at my lips and licking her own. oh boy.

“hm?” i murmured not knowing why my voice suddenly got quieter. she looked back into my eyes and move her hands so she was leaning them against the table on both of my sides.

“maybe i enjoy spending your shifts with you.” she murmured as well, making our moment even more intimate that it already was. “or maybe i wanted to be alone with you.”

“or maybe both?” i chuckled softly looking at her lips as well noticing how the corners of it went up as i said that.

“maybe both.” she agreed while softly nodding her head, gently bruising her nose against mine causing me to giggle.

i chuckled and kept looking at her lips all the time wondering if she was gonna make the move or not. “well then, enjoy it.” i said softly, looking up to her eyes only to notice she was looking at my lips as well.

“oh, i am.” she said and looked into my eyes, kind of looking for permission to do what we both wanted to at that moment. i chuckled and nodded my head bruising her nose with mine.

vanessa move her head closer to mine, fully touching my nose with her and almost connecting our lips when we heard mike’s voice.

“y/n! i’m here finally!” he shouted and i immediately locked myself out of vanessa’s embrace going straight to him and leaving her hanging there, with a very confused expression on her face.

i walked to mike and greeted him, immediately pulling him to our office with a scared expression on my face. he looked at me confused and noticed vanessa in the stage room as we were passing by and his face immediately changed to worry.

when we finally reached the office i closed the door behind us and looked at him with a puzzled face. he bit his lower lip thinking about words he should use.

“again?” he asked and i felt tears collecting in my eyes. he opened his arms for a hug and i immediately went to hug him.

“again.” i said with tears now rolling down my cheeks, hugging him tightly, wetting his shirt.

it wasn’t the first time he saw me starting to like someone and then getting fully damaged mentally by just liking them. he knew about all my past relationships and how affecting for my mental health they were so it wasn’t an unusual sight for him. in the moment of i guess heat with someone the adrenaline covers my fears but seconds after i feel like crying and screaming for not wanting to go through all the pain and trauma relationships can bring. vanessa was making me feel all bubbly and happy again but every night when i got home from shifts with her i spent half of the day crying not knowing why i was actually feeling that bad. i hoped it would be different this time but the fear of rejection and bringing myself back to normal life again was stronger than any bubbly feeling.

i hugged mike tightly once again and then let go of him, looking with puffy eyes at his face. he just grabbed my hands and stroked them not saying a word but it felt like he said a thousand. i smiled tiredly to him and sniff trying not to cry once again.

“maybe it’ll be different with her.” he finally spoke up and my heart dropped even at the mention of her. “go home tonight, i’ll cover for you.” he said and i looked at him surprised but smiled even more.

“thank you.” i said and squeezed his hands going for my things and leaving the office. i walked to the entrance and looked over to the stage room, guessing i’d see vanessa there but she was gone. the stage room was empty and i felt this weird cold sensation in my stomach again. i squeezed my eyes and opened the door going straight to my car and driving home but not missing the fact that her police car was gone as well.

18.05

i was alone at work tonight, fate wanted me to have my own shift that night. i was sitting in my office and watching the cameras when i noticed police car pulling up to the parking. i rolled my eyes not wanting to see her tonight, still not being ready for whatever it was gonna happened to her. vanessa went up to the door and rang the bell once, twice, three times and i didn’t respond for once. observing her through the cameras she knocked on the door then looked straight into the camera waiting for something to happen but it never did. she let out a deep sigh and got back and to her car driving away. i let out a deep sigh myself and put my hands on my face, thinking. being tired of everything that i was feeling i grabbed a napkin that was laying nearby, grabbed a pen and started writing my heart out hoping to give it to her one day.

19.05

tonight it was mike’s turn to have his own shift. as soon as he entered our office he saw the napkin with vanessa’s name on it and knew i wouldn’t leave something like that unintentionally so he knew he should handle it to her when he sees her. he decided not read it, even though i wouldn’t mind it that much.

few hours went by and vanessa turned up to the pizzeria. she didn’t pick up on our schedules i guess. she knocked on the door and mike immediately went to open it.

“she’s not in today, it’s just me.” he said with a tired smile.

“that’s what i was hoping for.” she said inviting herself in and going straight to the stage room. mike looked at her confused but closed the door and followed her to the room.

“so uh- what brings you here?” he asked scratching his neck once again. vanessa sat down on one of the tables and let out a deep sigh.

“she doesn’t like me, does she? i was too straightforward, right? i did something wrong, didn’t it?” she asked quickly becoming an anxious mess. mike went to sit beside her and took out the napkin from his pocket not showing her it yet.

“no, you didn’t.” he said and showed her the napkin with her name on it. “y/n is just… she has been through a lot and it may not seem like it but every interaction with you gave her a headache. and not the right kind.” he explained and vanessa’s face darkened even more, looking away from him.

“she doesn’t like me back. i knew it.” she said and wanted to hop off the table but he grabbed her wrist, stopping her from doing so.

“that’s not what i meant.” he said and squinted his face. “look, y/n just… she doesn’t know how to get used to those type of feelings again because of everything that has happened to her.” he said and let out a deep sigh. “it’s not about you, if i’m being honest you’re the least important thing in this whole mechanism. it’s not about you, it could be anyone and it would be the same.” he said and vanessa felt like she was going to start crying in a second. “but if i’m being honest, you’re the right person.” he added and she looked at him confused. “y/n normally wouldn’t even let anybody she found attractive near her in fear.” he said looking at the napkin in his hands. “but with you… she did. and you know how close she let you get. it means you must be different. in a good way.” he said and she uncontrollably smiled. “listen, i’m not gonna talk for her so just have this and… decide what to do with this. but please, don’t let her get false hope. she… im afraid she couldn’t take it.” he said and gave her the napkin also hopping of the table. “i’m going to my office, you know where to find me.” he said and left the room leaving vanessa with the napkin in her hands.

she looked at it anxiously and finally opened it, seeing a handwritten letter written to her.

dear vanessa,

i’m so sorry for everything that happened i mean, when i just ran away scared. sadly i can’t control all the things that im feeling, but believe me i wish i could. you didn’t do anything wrong i would say you did an opposite to that i just… i dont know how to handle what im feeling and i really don’t want to ruin anything. when im with you, you’re making me feel like im on top of the world but when im alone again i feel like a piece of shit. i know it’s fully my problem so i don’t want to bother you with this or anything else connected to me but i just wanted you to know that u really like you and i literally would do anything for these feelings to go away but i can’t. if i wasn’t feeling all of this i would’ve already asked you out and probably ask you to date me but even the thought of it makes me feel like im going to vomit. not because of you, of course, but just at the thought that something can go wrong i just… i hope you understand and i hope this letter doesn’t hurt you as much as it does me. i would do anything to fall for you without feeling… the way i am.

y/n

vanessa felt her eyes water up as she read the last sentence of the letter. she squeezed the napkin in her hands and immediately got off of the table walking straight to her car and driving to my apartment. i have never told her where i live so i guess being a police officer comes with its pros.

when she knocked on my door i was confused on who would be at my door at this hour but when i went to open it and saw her my heart dropped again, just like when i first saw her. i wanted to close the door but she grabbed it first.

“please, let me talk to you.” she said holding the door and looking at me with tears in her eyes. i shrugged and moved away from door letting her in. she closed the door behind her and immediately went after me. “listen to me.” she said grabbing my wrist and i looked at her surprised and scared. she immediately let go off my wrist and took a deep breath. “will you give me two minutes?” she asked and i nodded my head, standing in front of her.

“quick.” i said, being able to only get one word out do my throat.

vanessa took another deep breath and looked into my eyes. “i want to try. i want to see what will turn out from this. i know you’re scared, but i don’t want to hurt you, i know you probably heard it a dozen times, but please, give me w chance.” she said and tears started to form in her eyes. “i want to be with you for as long as the world will let me and even after that. we don’t have to jump into relationship of course, but i just want to be here for you even as a friend. don’t just cross me out of your life because you’re scared. i know how it is, believe me but…” she looked away and blinked a few times. “i want to try with you. i want to be here for you i want… i want to be yours and more importantly i want you to be mine. not on my conditions, not on yours, not on the worlds conditions, on ours. however we make them. i want to be here when you need me or when you just want to talk about everything and nothing. i want to be in your life and i want you in mine. when i first say you that day i knew i wanted to try and i hoped and still hope you’ll want to try as well. i don’t want to scare you or hurt you and ill do anything in my will not to do those things but if i eventually do, just tell me and i’ll do better, for you.” she said and grabbed my hands with her squeezing them. “please, i don’t want to loose you so quickly without even getting to know you. i want to give you my days and nights to just try and help you overcome your fears and everything bad that you’re feeling. i want to be that person and i know it might hurt one day, cause we never know what’s going to happen to us, but… isn’t it at least worth a try?“ she asked and a single tear rolled down her face. i bit my lower lip thinking what to say.

“okay.” i say simply and softly not being able to say anything else, being overwhelmed by her words and everything i was feeling at that moment. she smiled, and i knew this smile already was the death of me.

she let go off my hands and gently put her own on my face stroking my cheeks with a smile and tears still floating from her eyes.

“can i kiss you now?” she asked and i looked scared and felt scared but decided to agree, after all.

i nodded my head and her smile grew even wider. she moved her face closer, touching my nose with hers and just staring into my eyes for a long moment of silence. after a while i smiled to her my hands going to her belt and moved my head up so our lips would finally touch. she kissed me immediately, but she did it so softly i almost didn’t feel the kiss. our lips danced together for a moment and then she leaned away looking into my eyes again. i smiled to her and giggled not feeling so scared or trapped anymore, nor as close as i did that day in pizzeria. her smile widened as well as she whispered.

"i hope none of us is gonna regret it, ever."

#fnaf vanessa x reader #fnaf vanny #vanessa shelly x reader #fnaf #fnaf movie #fnaf vanessa #vanessa shelly #vanessa afton x reader #vanessa afton #writing #sometimes i feel like all my works are just shit #writers on tumblr

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fortheloveofwonderland · 9 months

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No Distance Left to Run | Part 3 | S.R

Previous Part | Next Part

Chapter Summary - With your secrets coming to light you decide to take some time off to get your life in order. And that includes putting some between you and Spencer.

Pairing - Spencer Reid / BAU Fem! Reader

Category - friends to lovers | mutual pining | angst with happy ending | smut minors DNI

Warnings - spoilers for 14.05 Tall Man, break ups, abusive relationship, making out, bruises, scars, readers insecurities, tears, cheating, fingering, handjob, allusions to sex, swearing, brief mention of past drug addiction, brief mention of prison.

WC - 7.7k

Part 3 - Hide and Seek

Present Day

Spencer caught up with Max in the reception hall, stopping her leaving with a hand around her wrist.

When she turned to face him he saw the unshed tears behind her eyes.

“I’m really sorry you had to hear that.” He swallowed.

“Me too.” She nodded sadly.

In his peripheral vision he noticed someone pass by, dressed in a caterer's uniform. He waited for them to leave before he spoke again.

“I’ve been in love with her for so long it’s just become a part of who I am.” He confessed. “I never let myself get close to anyone on the off chance she might have one day decided she felt the same. Just before I met you we…we, uh, slept together and she just up and left while I was asleep and never mentioned it again. It told me everything I needed to know, and so I made the decision to finally move on. I opened myself up to being with someone else and there you were.

I really like you Max, I think we could have had something really amazing. But I can’t lie to you and tell you that I’m not always going to have feelings for Y/N, because at this point I’m sure they will never go away. And that’s not fair on you.”

“No, it's not.” She shook her head.

“I got held hostage yesterday, Y/N and I did.” He sighed, scratching at the back of his neck. “The unsub liked to play truth or dare. He had a gun pointed at her and made her confess to a secret she would never admit outloud.”

Max narrowed her eyes on him, despite not being a profiler she could easily read between the lines.

“She told you she has feelings for you?”

“She did.” Spencer nodded. “I still don’t know if she meant it or not, or if she was just trying to shock the guy.”

“Spencer,” Max sighed deeply. “For a genius you are pretty dumb sometimes.”

“Uh, I’m sorry?” Spencer’s brows furrowed at her.

“The first time you introduced me to your team, I could tell within five minutes that she had feelings for you. I’m no expert in reading human behaviour but I can read women. She barely said two words to me, she wouldn’t look me in the eyes. And every time I looked at her, she was staring longingly at you.” Max shrugged.

“I’m not even sure any of that matters.” He shook his head. “She’s married, albeit not happily. She has two wonderful kids. It’s not my place to break up a family.”

“It sounds like that family broke itself up.”

“You heard a lot more of that conversation than I realised.” He rolled his lip between his teeth. “I’m not gonna be the guy that swoops in when her husband has just been arrested for trying to kill her.”

“I can’t tell you what to do.” Max shrugged. “But fifteen years is a really long time to carry a torch for someone. I think the two of you at least owe yourselves an honest conversation.”

After all this time? Always.

“I really am sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you, that was the last thing I ever wanted to do.”

“I’ll bounce back.” Her lip quipped into something close to a smile. “It sucks, but I’ll bounce back.”

Spencer dared to step closer to her, placing his hand on her lower back and leaning in to gently kiss her cheek. When he stepped back the two of them looked at each other somewhat wistfully for a moment or two, silent goodbyes passing between them. Eventually Max took a few steps backwards, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Take care of yourself, Spencer.”

“You too.” He nodded and watched as she turned on her heels and continued towards the door.

He fell back against the nearest wall, resting his head on it and looking up at the ceiling. He wasn’t sure how to begin processing everything. In the space of twenty four hours you’d told him you loved him, he’d broken up with Max and he’d discovered your husband was in prison for almost murdering you.

How had you managed to keep that from him? He could usually read you so well, how he had not seen it?

He thought back over the last five days since he’d returned from teaching. The first two you’d been lost in somewhat of a daze, as though you were sleepwalking with your eyes open.

By the third day something shifted. You seemed happier, lighter even. He’d seen a smile on your face he hadn’t seen in years.

Now he knew why that was. It was the smile of a woman who had finally gotten out of the clutches of her abuser.

Another thought hit him then with startling clarity.

Five nights ago he’d had a missed call from you. He’d asked you about it the next day but you’d insisted it must have been a pocket dial.

You’d called him the night Jared was arrested. Did you try to call him with your husband's hand around your throat? Was it after? Maybe even before?

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. In all the years he’d known you he didn’t think he’d ever not answered a phone call from you. And the one time you’d needed him most, he’d been…indisposed.

He kept his eyes screwed tightly shut, half hoping he may disappear into the wall his back was pressed up against.

You’d needed him and he hadn’t been there. For the first time in fifteen years, Spencer had chosen someone else over you.

***

Five Days Ago

Max had been insistent that she and Spencer take things slow. She’d been hurt in the past, disappointed when she hurried into something.

And Spencer was happy to oblige. At least he had been for the most part.

He was a gentleman, and it wasn’t as though he was used to getting regular sex and therefore it shouldn’t have made a difference whether or not they were sleeping together.

Before his night spent with you in Varnville, it had been a painfully long time since he’d gotten laid, well before his arrest in Mexico. And even before then it wasn’t as though he’d been sleeping around or anything.

Truthfully Spencer had only ever slept with a handful of women. Not even a handful really. He could count his sexual encounters on one hand and still have fingers left over.

It was a combination of things. For one, Spencer didn’t relish the idea of having sex for the sake of it. Sure it would be nice to feel close to someone but if he didn’t have some kind of preexisting feelings for them then he wasn’t interested. Secondly, even if he did like the idea of casual sex, he was far too awkward to initiate such a thing.

And thirdly, Spencer never did like the thought of having sex with anyone who wasn’t you.

So it hadn’t bothered him that Max wanted to take it slow. At first. But after four months of nothing but heavy make out sessions, he was craving more. And thank god that Max seemed to be on the same page.

He’d taken her for dinner and afterwards he’d suggested going back to his place. He knew she saw through the innocent seeming offer for what it really was but he’d been delighted when she’d smiled and agreed.

He’d been full of nervous anticipation on the cab ride to his apartment, thinking back to the state in which he might have left his home. Were there dishes in the sink? Books scattered around the place? Did he even make his bed?

Do I have any condoms?

They’d barely breached the threshold of his apartment before he was kissing her fiercely, letting her know his true intentions. And thank god she didn’t seem to mind.

She’d led him to his bedroom by his tie and he followed like some kind of lost puppy. Once inside the room, gratefully he had at least made his bed, they started undressing each other.

Down to their underwear he guided her back to the bed and laid down on top of her, kissing her while his hand wandered the planes of her body.

She was moaning into his mouth, arching her back as his hand wandered lowered, wasting no time in dipping beneath the waistband of her panties.

He was grinding against her thigh to relieve a little friction as his hand moved between her legs. As he did so, his phone rudely started bleating from across the room.

He chose to ignore it, burying his face into the crook of Max’s neck whilst pressing two fingers against her entrance.

“Don’t you need to get that?” She panted.

“Right now? Absolutely not.” He spoke into her skin.

“What if it’s the BAU?”

“I’m not due back until tomorrow. If it’s urgent they’ll keep calling. For now, I have more pressing things to take care of.”

“Spencer I really think you should-” Max’s sentence petered out to a moan when Spencer dove his fingers inside of her.

Whoever was calling could wait. This was much more urgent.

***

Present Day

“You know, don’t you?” You asked Penelope as the bubbly blonde hugged her god children. Penelope looked up at you over their heads. “You’re looking at me with that kind of pity we use on victims.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I was worried about you.” She gave Adeline and Finley another squeeze before she let them go.

“Does anyone else know?”

“Reid.” She rolled her lip between her teeth somewhat guiltily.

“Please don’t tell anyone else. Not yet. I will tell them but not today.” You pleaded.

“Of course.” She nodded.

“Uncle Spencer!” Adie suddenly chirupped, dashing towards the dejected looking man who was quick to plaster a smile on his face.

“Adie!” He held his arms open for her as your daughter launched herself at him. “Gosh it’s been so long, you've gotten so big.”

“I’m the third tallest in my class.” She grinned as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

“No kidding.” He hugged her back.

Finely sidled up to them, looking a little deflated he wasn’t getting the same treatment from his favourite uncle.

Spencer patted Adie’s back and she let him go so her brother could say hello.

“Hey there little man.” Spencer once again held his arms open and Finley responded by jumping up and Spencer just managed to catch the five year old as he wrapped his legs around his waist.

Spencer made a small grunting sound of surprise, cradling the young boy against him.

“Missed you uncle Spencer.” Fin buried his head against Spencer's shoulder.

“I missed you too buddy.” Spencer held him tightly.

“My daddy’s gone away.” He mumbled against Spencer’s suit jacket.

Spencer’s eyes found yours and he smiled sadly at you.

“Yeah, I heard about that. Are you ok?” He spoke softly.

You both knew he wasn’t talking to Fin, even Garcia knew it. You nodded your head as your arms snaked around your body.

“I miss him.” Fin sniffled.

“I don’t.” Adie huffed unceremoniously. “He was mean to mom.”

Your chest tightened. You hated the way your daughter knew what was going on. You’d only ever wanted to protect your children from the world and it had backfired.

“Adie,” you whispered her name. “Please stop saying things like that in front of your brother. We talked about this.”

“Fine.” She huffed again. “Can I go find Henry and Michael?”

“Please,” you nodded. “Fin, sweetheart?”

He looked up from Spencer’s shoulder as you approached, placing a gentle hand on your son's back.

“Yes mommy?”

“You’re too big for uncle Spencer to carry you like that. Can you get down for me, please?”

“He’s ok.” Spencer tried to insist even though he looked like he was struggling.

“Yeah, I’m ok.” Fin agreed with him.

Garcia sensed the looks passing between you and Spencer while she rolled her lip in her teeth. She tottered forward, closer to the three or you.

“Hey, Fin? How do you want to help me with a top secret wedding day mission?” She tried to make it sound exciting.

It must have worked as Finley’s eyes widened as they flicked between you and his Aunty Penelope.

“Can I?’ He asked you tentatively.

“Of course.” You nodded.

He wriggled in Spencer’s arms and Spencer placed him back on his feet, subtly trying to stretch his back once he was unburdened from your son.

Fin took hold of Penelope’s hand and she shot you a smile as she headed off with him.

Caterers still milled about on the patio, but for the most part you and Spencer were alone. For the first time he allowed himself to take you in.

You wore a figure hugging, strapless purple dress that stopped just below your knees. Your make-up was flawless, your hair styled to perfection.

You hugged your arms around your body again and that’s when he noticed it. The silver band on your wrist caught the light, the tiny golden snitch sparkling.

His stomach coiled into knots. You hadn’t worn it in more years than he could count.

Did it mean something? Did the fact you were wearing it now mean something for the two of you? Were you trying to tell him something?

His eyes landed back on yours and you could see all the questions running through his mind.

“I, uh…I really don’t want to talk about it. Not here. Please?” You shook your head.

“What don’t you want to talk about?” He took a half step closer to you. “The fact that your husband was arrested for almost killing you or that you told me you loved me?”

“Both. Neither. I know we have to talk but does it have to be now?” You begged him.

“You almost died.”

“Which time?” You offered him a meek smile. “We’re FBI Agents. Almost dying is kind of a regular occurance.”

“Not in your own home. Not at the hands of your own husband.” He took another half step forward. “You called me that night. I didn’t answer.”

“Please don’t beat yourself up over that. It was after the fact. The weight of it all hit me and I just needed to talk to someone. But it’s fine, please don’t feel bad.”

“I was with Max.” He shrugged. “We were…it doesn’t matter what we were doing.”

“You think I can’t read between those lines?” You chuckled dryly.

“Right, of course.” He exhaled through his nose. “I should have answered. You are more important to me than anything Max and I were doing.”

“It’s ok, really. I don’t need you protecting me all the time.”

“Well that’s too bad because I’m gonna do it anyway.” He shrugged lightly with a soft half-smile.

He took another step closer to you and raised his hand to your neck. You’d done a really good job covering the bruises with a combination of foundation and concealer, something you’d had to grow adept at. And maybe it was simply in Spencer’s imagination, but he swore he could see the purple marks peeking through the make-up.

His fingers brushed lightly against your skin and you sucked in a breath at the sensation. Goosebumps erupted on your flesh at his featherlight touch.

“I really wish you would have let me help you.” He whispered.

“I know. But if I’d left he would have come after us. It never would have ended. I needed proof, I needed to get him in a compromised position so that when they arrested him, the charges would stick.”

Spencer’s eyebrows furrowed and he dropped his hand to his side again.

“You set him up? You purposefully put yourself in danger?” He looked incredulous.

“It was the only way.” You shrugged. “You put the idea in my head a year ago when you talked about the statistics of domestic abuse. A gun being present increases the chances of homicide by five hundred percent. I had to bide my time, pick the best moment. Before we left for the case in Lewiston, Adie said something interesting. And I decided to be frank with her…”

…“Daddy did that, didn’t he?”

“Wh-what?” You were quick to pull your sleeve back up. “What makes you think that, sweet pea?”

“I saw him. I saw him shove you. And it’s not the first time.”

“You’re too smart for your own good.” You smiled sadly at her.

“I’m right though, aren’t I?” She pouted.

“Yes,” your eyes welled with tears, hating to involve her in this. “Sweetheart, can you do something for me?”

“Anything mommy.” She nodded.

“If you ever see daddy hurting mommy again, I want you to call 9-1-1. Tell them I’m an FBI agent and they will get here faster. Can you do that for me?” You stroked her hair back off of her face while she nodded frantically…

“...I packed a bag, I knew he’d find it. I knew it would anger him, the thought of me taking his kids away. I deliberately didn’t put my firearm away in the safe that night in case I needed to use it. He wasn’t supposed to get hold of it, that wasn’t part of the plan. But I made sure to anger him enough for him to raise his voice. Adie is a light sleeper. He needed to be caught in the act. I hate that I used my daughter like that but it was never going to end. Not until I was dead or he was arrested.”

Spencer took in your words, processing them all in his mind. He could tell how hard it must have been for you to put that responsibility on Adie but he’d worked enough cases of domestic violence to know what a vicious cycle it is.

You were right, if Jared wasn’t arrested it could very well result in your being killed at the hands of your husband. And then it would be too late.

His hand raised again, this time he cupped the back of your neck and used his grip to pull you closer to him.

You fell against him, instantly wrapping your arms around his waist while he did the same.

He inhaled the scent of your shampoo. The last time he’d been this close to you was seven months ago in a hotel room in Varnville.

He got a little lost at the mere thought.

***

Seven Months Ago

“I married the wrong man.” You whimpered, glancing at your left hand on Spencer’s shoulder and the silver wedding band on your finger. “I knew it when he proposed to me. I knew it when I was walking down that aisle. And you knew it too, you were just too polite to tell me the truth.”

“Yeah,” he nodded stiffly. “You did marry the wrong man.”

A silent understanding passed between the two of you, the kind of understanding that existed only between two people who knew each other inside and out.

And when he leaned in closer and his lips brushed against yours, it felt right. It felt like the most normal thing in the whole world.

It continued to feel that way when he deepened the kiss, nearly fifteen years worth of feelings coming out in a single kiss. As he held you close he whispered against your lips, “after all this time? Always.”

And you finally understood what he meant.

He held your face tenderly as though you might break if he wasn’t careful, crumble to dust in his hands. Perhaps you would. His lips were slightly rough against yours from copious chewing, the frantic nature in which he kissed you caused your teeth to knock together.

His tongue hungrily explored your mouth with the desperation of a man who had thought of nothing but doing this since the first time he laid eyes on you. He started moving you towards the bed and you complied without a second thought.

His hands ghosted down your neck and across your shoulders until he reached the top button of your blouse you’d thrown back on before hurriedly leaving your room earlier. He continued to kiss you whilst working on the buttons but he felt you tense up a little.

When he reached the last button, you tore your lips from his, gasping a little for air. When he opened his eyes he saw yours were full of unshed tears.

“Are you ok? Did I cross a line?” His puffy kiss-swollen lips were downturned as he looked at you.

You swallowed thickly, chewing on the inside of your cheek.

“I’m scared of what you’re going to say.” You whispered, your voice cracking as you spoke.

“What I’m going to say about what?” He frowned at you in confusion.

You took a breath, a small tear escaping your eyes as you took a step back and shrugged the open shirt off of your shoulders.

Spencer’s eyes cast downwards to your torso, momentarily distracted by your bare breasts, which he had imagined so many times but in reality they were so much more incredible. But he didn’t have a chance to give them the attention they deserved.

His stomach lurched wildly as he took in your entire body. You saw the way his jaw clenched and he violently gnawed on his lip.

He took in each and every scar adorned on your body at the hands of your husband. A splotchy healed burn similar to the one on your forearm only larger spread across the left side of your stomach, an old, healed scar nestled against the swell of your right breast, another slightly smaller one on your rib cage. There was a fresh purple bruise on the other side of your other rib cage.

He rubbed his hand across his stubbly jaw as he looked back to meet your eyes. A few more tears were rolling down your cheeks now.

“I can go,” you shrugged. “I know they’re hideous. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Spencer moved closer to you, cupping your face in his hands again. “There is not a single hideous thing about you. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, Y/N.”

“After all this time?” You smiled a shaky smile, partially quoting The Deathly Hallows.

“Always.” He finished, kissing you again with more passion than before.

You allowed him to help you back to the bed where he didn’t take his lips off of yours for a second. Your hands ran down his sides, finding the hem of his t-shirt and tugging it upward.

He sat back so you could get the garment over his head and threw aside. He looked down on you, taking in your scars again. You tried to shy away, tried to hide them with your arms but he simply pulled them away.

“Let me show you how beautiful I think you are.” He mumbled, shuffling a little down the bed.

His lips ghosted across your skin until they found the scar on the side of your breast. He gently pressed his lips to the old wound, placing delicate kisses along the length of it. His hand was on your side, fingertips brushing over the bruises lining your rib cage. You moaned a little, closing your eyes and giving over to the sensation.

He moved his lips lower, towards the scar on your other side and treated that with as much caution as the first. And then they trailed lower and tenderly kiss every inch of the old burn across your stomach.

He was so compassionate with you it forced a few more tears from your eyes. You weren’t sure anyone had ever treated you with this level of care before and you’d never realised how much you’d needed that.

When he sat back again on his haunches, his face was a little flushed and it only took one glance downwards to see the tent pitching in his pants to understand why. You reached for him, gripping the waistband of the flannel pyjama pants and pulling him closer. You palmed him through the flimsy fabric and he bucked against your hand, hissing a little.

He glanced down and you saw him tense a little. When he met your eye again he had an unsure expression on his features.

“Could you…do you think you could…” He nodded his head towards your hand still palming him and the wedding band adorned on your finger. “Is it too much to ask for you to take it off?”

You snatched your hand away suddenly, balling it into a fist and looking somewhat forlornly at the ring.

“I…I’ve never taken it off before. Not once since I got married.” You swallowed.

“I understand.” Spencer sighed. “But I don’t think I can do this and look at your wedding ring.”

You looked between him and the ring. The band symbolised your marriage to a man who had caused the scars in which Spencer had so lovingly kissed. You uncurled your fingers, suddenly not caring about that stupid piece of metal. Not while Spencer was here, looking at you the way he was and making you feel safe and loved for the first time in years.

You tugged the ring off in one swift move and leant over to drop it on the nightstand. You drew Spencer back in for a kiss before you could dwell too much on what you were doing.

You palmed him through his pants again while he kissed you, his own hands wandering to your slacks and popping the button.

He sat back once more so he could help you out of your pants and then wriggled free of his own, leaving you both in just your underwear.

He breathed you in again, trying to commit you to memory. He’d spent so many years imagining this moment and he didn’t want to miss a second of it.

“Y/N I…” he trailed off, not allowing himself to finish that sentence that could destroy this before it had begun.

He wanted to say it, he’d wanted to say it for nearly fifteen years. But somehow you knew what he wanted to say.

“I know Spence,” you nodded. “I know.”

He smiled a little sorrowfully at you before he laid on top of you and kissed you again. His fingers brushed over your scars but continued lower and when they dipped beneath the waistband of your panties you whined against his lips.

He ran his fingers between your legs, hissing when he realised how wet you were. He gathered your slick on his fingers, feeling his cock throb at the sensation.

He was careful when he pressed two fingers against your entrance, hesitating as though he thought you may change your mind.

As encouragement, your hand wandered between your bodies and straight inside his boxers, taking his shaft in your hand.

He growled against your mouth, nibbling on your bottom lip as a way of thanking you. He cautiously pushed his fingers past your entrance until they were buried deep inside of you.

Your thighs clenched around his hand when his fingertips brushed against your cervix. He moved his lips down to your neck while you started slowly stroking him.

His hips moved of their own accord, gently thrusting back and forth into your hand. His fingers dove in and out of you, each time pounding slightly harder against your bundle of nerves.

You were writhing beneath him on the bed, your walls fluttering around his fingers and your moans filling the room like the most beautiful song he’d ever heard. His head was already leaking on your hand, it had been so long since someone had touched him like this.

You used your free hand to cup his jaw, moving his face so you could meet his gaze.

“Spence, I need more.” You whimpered, still stroking him leisurely.

“O-ok.” He nodded, plunging his fingers deep inside of you and scissoring the digits a little.

You mewled, you back arching off the bed and squeezing the base of his shaft tightly in your hand.

“Do you have…?” You panted.

“Uh, yeah.” He nodded, his cheeks flushing red. “Luke’s been trying to uh, get me laid for a while now. Insisted I keep some on me.”

He cautiously withdrew his fingers and you whined a little as he did so. You removed your hand from him and sat up on your elbows.

“Trying?” You cocked an eyebrow at him.

“And failing. Miserably.” He inhaled deeply, cheeks turning a darker shade of red. “I haven’t had sex since long before I was arrested. And I have absolutely no idea why I’m telling you that.”

“It’s been a long time since I…since I…” you trailed off, stifling a sob that wanted to wrack your body. “Since I’ve chosen to do this.”

“Oh Jesus,” Spencer frowned at you. “Y/N I-”

“Please don’t. Please don’t feel sorry for me. I want this Spencer, I need this. Please?” You insisted, your eyes frantically begging him.

He inhaled shakily, nodding his head. He kissed you softly before pushing himself up from the bed and finding his satchel on the chair. He quickly located the stash of condoms Luke had forced upon him, thankful for that fact now. He plucked one out and turned back to you as you were wiggling your panties over your hips.

He looked at you in awe, laid out naked for him like this. He didn’t feel as though he deserved you, perhaps no one did. You were too good for this world.

“You’re sure about this?” He asked as he padded back over. “Because I won’t be offended if you want to stop.”

“Spencer, let me be clear,” you looked him dead in the eyes. “I want this. I want you. I want this like I have never wanted anything else in my life. Please? Please make me feel good?”

He nodded with a sad smile as he came closer to the bed. He couldn’t deny you that, not when you looked at him that way.

He removed his underwear before climbing back on the bed, kneeling over you and taking one last opportunity to breathe you in.

Somehow he already knew that this didn’t have a happy ending.

***

Present Day

You listened to Emily’s tear jerking speech about twin flames, trying to hide your misty eyes behind the head of your son who was falling asleep on your lap. Adeline sat next to you, her hand in yours offering it a soft squeeze every now and then.

“Sometimes it takes time, sometimes it takes a parallel universe or something. But the thing about twin flames is that nothing can keep them apart, they are a magic unto themselves. And together they light the way for all of us.”

You felt Spencer’s eyes on you across the room but refused to meet his gaze. If you did you would surely crumble and now was not the time. There would be plenty of time to ruminate on the last few days later, but for now you had to hold it together a little while longer.

After the speech everyone took to the dancefloor and Finley was completely out by this point, snoring against your shoulder. And honestly you were pleased because it gave you an excuse to leave.

You carried your sleeping son over towards the happy couple with Adie in tow, gripping your forearm. You said your goodbyes and congratulated them once more before taking your children home.

You tried to make a quick getaway but of course he found you, as you fought with trying to get your jacket on whilst cradling your son at the same time.

“Let me help you.” Spencer hurried over, seeing you struggle.

“I’m fine, really.” You responded as you proceeded to drop your jacket on the floor. “Goddamn.”

Spencer rolled his eyes and came closer, prying the young boy from your arms and holding him while you picked up your jacket. Being such a sound sleeper, Fin didn’t even notice the handoff.

“Thank you.” You slid your jacket on.

“No worries.” Spencer shrugged. “Need a ride?”

“I have a car.” You found your hand being grabbed by your daughter and she held you tightly.

When Adie grabbed your hand his stomach coiled as his attention was directed to your ring again. It wasn’t the first time today he noticed you still wore it.

He supposed it was still fresh, but he hated to see it there as though nothing had happened.

“Right, of course.” Spencer rolled his eyes. “Let me help you outside.”

You wanted to resist but it was easier to just let him help. You and Adie led the way while Spencer carried Fin towards your car. Adie got herself situated in the front seat while Spencer cautiously lowered Fin into the back and got his belt buckled.

He closed the door and looked back at you, a somewhat melancholy expression on his face.

“You want any company?” He asked with a slight frown.

“I have two kids, I always have company.” You folded your arms over your chest.

“I meant like, adult company.” He spoke but quickly pulled a face. “Not in the way that sounds. Jeez, I swear that was not meant to sound like a come on.”

“Spence,” you sighed wistfully. “I think you and I need some time apart right now. Or at the very least I need some time apart from you. I really need to focus myself on my kids right now, try and figure out what happens next. Quite frankly I don’t have the head space to deal with whatever is going on between us right now.”

You saw the hurt spread to his features, hurt and a small hint of understanding.

“Y/N?” He rolled his lip between his teeth. “Truth or dare?”

You sucked in a breath, closing your eyes for a fraction of a second before opening them and looking at him again.

“Truth.” You croaked.

“Did you mean it?”

Your eyes flit down to your bracelet, eyeing the inscription for a moment or two before you looked back at Spencer. There was a simple answer and a complicated one, neither of which you wanted to get into right now.

“Spencer I-”

“Mommy, I’m hungry.” Adie’s whiny tone pierced the closed windows of the car.

You looked at her over your shoulder and nodded with a soft smile.

“I should go.” You told Spencer.

“Right,” Spencer nodded stiffly. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Actually, you won’t.” You cleared your throat. “I told you, I need to focus on my kids right now. Emily’s given me a few weeks off. She doesn’t know why but thankfully she didn’t ask too many questions.”

“Are we going to be ok?” He frowned at you.

“I…”

“Mom!” Adie whined again.

“Two seconds, honey!” You called back. “I don’t know, Spencer. My husband of ten years just got arrested for trying to choke me to death, so excuse me if I don’t have an answer for you right now.”

You turned your back on him and opened the driver’s side door, but before you could slide inside his hand was on your shoulder. Your back went rigid and you were clenching your jaw when you looked back at him.

“What? What do you want now, Spencer?” Your eyes misted over with tears.

“At the end of the day, despite everything that has happened, you are my best friend Y/N. You are my best friend above all else. If you need anything, anything at all, please call me. You’re not in this alone.” He reached out and briefly brushed his fingertips against your cheek before stepping back out of reach to stop him doing it again.

You nodded but he saw in your eyes you had no intention of doing so.

“I gotta go.” You said instead. You looked down at your bracelet again and with a sigh you fumbled with the clasp and got it undone. “I shouldn’t have…I don’t even know why I did.”

Spencer dumbly let you place the bracelet in his hand and simply watched as you slid inside the car and closed the door.

You started the engine and soon your vehicle was pulling away whilst he was left staring down at the gift he’d bestowed upon you on your wedding day.

A single tear escaped his eyes as he curled his fingers around it. That one gesture told him everything you hadn’t said.

Whether or not you’d meant what you said whilst being held hostage was irrelevant. The act of giving him back the bracelet meant no matter what you felt for him the two of you would never be together.

You may as well have handed him back his barely beating, tattered heart.

***

Six Months Ago

“I get why JJ’s been on edge but this ain’t your hometown. Why the face?” Luke startled Spencer out of his stare down with the coffee machine.

The Tall Man case had them in JJ’s hometown of East Allegheny where she’d been dragged down into a torrent of old memories surrounding her sisters suicide.

Meanwhile, Spencer was stuck in his own tidal wave, he had been for weeks now. He was still reeling from the events in Varnville, the fact that you’d barely spoken to him since.

“I’m just tired, I guess.” He shrugged it off but Luke wasn’t buying it.

“You’ve been just tired every time I’ve asked you for the last month. What’s up? You seemed to be getting better after…”

“After I spent three months in prison?” Spencer fielded when Luke trailed off.

“Yeah,” Luke smiled sadly. “What’s going on with you, man?”

“It’s complicated.” Spencer let out a sigh. “I did something kinda dumb and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“You don’t know how to fix something?” Luke chuckled. “Impossible.”

Spencer averted his gaze, rolling his lip between his teeth. Luke scrutinised him, reading his body language before a smile of understanding tugged at his lips.

“You met someone.” Luke mused.

Spencer’s eyes shot back up, wide like a guilty child.

“Kind of?” Spencer huffed. “But I messed it up before it had a chance to begin.”

“Did you at least get laid?” Luke tilted his head curiously.

“Seriously, Alvez?” Spencer groaned.

“You so did.” Luke laughed, clapping a hand on Spencer’s shoulder. “About time.”

“Yeah well it’s not likely to ever happen again.”

“What did you do?” Luke cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Why would you assume I did something?”

“I don’t know. Did you?”

“I…I don’t think so?” Spencer’s face scrunched up.

“Are you bad in bed?” Luke shrugged.

“How would I know?” Spencer huffed again in exasperation.

“Trust me, there’s only so much a woman can fake.”

“Oh jeez, I don’t wanna have this conversation with you.” Spencer shook his head. “But I don’t think I’m bad in bed. I at least thought she was enjoying herself. It wasn’t that. Don’t make me question my…performance.”

“There’ll be other women, Reid.” Luke patted his shoulder again.

Spencer sucked in a breath, his bottom lip pouting slightly.

“I don’t want there to be other women.” He whispered.

“Oh,” Luke looked a little taken aback. “You like her.”

“Hmm.” Spencer answered noncommittally.

“I wanted you to get laid, not fall in love. Jeez, Reid, are your dick and your heart somehow connected?” Luke shook his head.

“That’s anatomically impossible.” Spencer rolled his eyes. “But thanks for the graphic image.”

“Only you could sleep with a woman you barely know and fall for her. Your heart's too big, man.”

“I do know her.” He spoke quietly, his eyes trailing off across the station as you entered with a tray of coffees in hand.

He watched you move across the room, it was almost impossible to take his eyes off of you. Luke followed his gaze and when he saw you he groaned.

“No, no you didn’t.” Luke slapped him on the back, forcing Spencer’s eyes back on him.

“Didn’t what?”

“Y/N?” Luke hissed. “She’s married!”

“Would you keep your voice down!” Spencer scalded him.

“So it’s true? Fuck, Reid, really?”

“It was a momentary lapse in judgement, I agree.” Spencer sighed. “But I have been in love with her for well over a decade. An opportunity presented itself and I…I…oh man I fucked up.”

“No kidding.” Luke rubbed his chin. “I thought you were meant to be a genius?”

“I’m a provable genius. But I’m still entitled to make mistakes every once in a while. Being a genius didn’t stop me from getting addicted to dilaudid, it didn’t stop me from going to Mexico and falling into Cat’s trap. And it didn’t stop me from sleeping with a married woman.” Spencer raked his fingers through his hair.

“When you put it like that, I’m not sure I see an upside to having a high IQ.”

“It’s incredibly frustrating, trust me. You still make dumb mistakes, and you have the added bonus of having to analyse them in great detail after.”

“I’ll stick to living in ignorance.” Luke nodded just as a set of footsteps approached.

They looked over just as a head of dark hair was heading their way.

“Are you two ladies gonna stand around all day braiding each other's hair or you gonna help us catch an unsub?” Emily spoke, mildly frustrated, before she was leaving as quickly as she arrived.

“Ladies?” Luke muttered.

“Hair braiding?” Spencer subconsciously touched his locks.

“What is it about this town that is putting everyone in a bad mood?” Luke clucked.

Spencer simply sighed and started following in Emily’s footsteps before his Unit Chief could get any more annoyed.

***

The jet was eerily silent on its trip back to Quantico the following day. It was late and everyone was asleep, mostly everyone.

From his position curled up on the couch he could see you down the back of the aircraft, staring out the window as you soared through the clouds.

Realistically, Spencer knew to leave you alone. But just knowing something didn’t mean he agreed with it.

He couldn’t stay away no matter how he tried and eventually after fighting it for over half the flight, he swung his legs off the couch and stood up.

He smoothed out his shirt which the top few buttons were now undone on, his tie long ago removed. He quietly padded down the small aisle in his mismatched socks, careful not to wake the rest of his team members although at a glance they mostly all wore headphones or earplugs.

You didn’t look away from the window but he noticed the slight tensing in your shoulders as he got close. You still didn’t look at him when he sat opposite you, half wondering if you stayed perfectly still if he might leave you alone.

You had no such luck.

“Uh, hi.” He whispered quietly.

You swallowed and tore your eyes off of the window and looked at him. You didn’t speak, simply folded your arms over your chest.

“Is this just how things are gonna be between us now?” He huffed a little, barely able to contain his frustration.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Your voice was croaky.

“Yes, you do.” He shook his head. “You’ve hardly spoken to me since…since…”

“Please don’t say it.” You sighed.

“The thought of what we did is so disgusting to you, you can’t say it out loud?” His eyebrows furrowed heavily at you.

“I’m married, Spencer.” You hissed. “It shouldn’t have happened and that’s all there is to say. I thought you would know better than to…do what we did.”

“Oh I’m to blame?” He looked incredulous. “You’re the one with the husband, Y/N. I’m very much single. I didn’t cheat on anyone.”

“Stop it.” You spat. “Just stop it.”

“I don’t know why you’re pretending it didn’t mean anything.”

“I’m not pretending.” You scoffed.

“So it wasn’t about me? You’d have cheated on your husband with anyone, is that what you’re saying?” He glared at you angrily.

“I’m not talking about this.” You shook your head, turning your attention back out of the window.

“Well I am. And if you don’t wanna talk you can listen.” He leaned forward on the little table separating you. “I know you and I know you wouldn’t have done that with just anyone. I think maybe you feel something for me and you don’t want to admit it because of Jared and your kids. I get it, I do. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt though. And now it looks like I’m going to lose my best friend because you can’t even look me in the eye anymore.

You know how I feel about you. We’ve never talked about it but you know, you always have. So if it was just about sex you could have chosen anyone. But you didn’t, you came to me. And to be honest I think that’s pretty cruel of you to use me that way when you know exactly how I feel about you.”

“Are you done?” You looked back at him with a scowl. “Because I am done listening. I’m sorry if it meant more to you than it did to me, ok? I’m sorry if I hurt you or whatever. But I have too much going on in my life as it is. The last thing I need is an invite to the Spencer Reid pity party. Can you go and be all brooding somewhere else?”

You saw the hurt wash over his face at your vicious words. For a fraction of a second you felt bad but honestly you couldn’t let yourself be swallowed into his sad, doe eyes. Maybe he needed a harsh dose of reality every now and again.

“Goddamnit,” he hissed, shaking his head. “I’m sorry that you’ve found yourself trapped in a marriage where your husband treats you like a freaking punching bag, but not everyone is like that. There are people out there who might actually love you if you gave them half a chance.”

After all this time? Always.

“Leave me alone.” You spat. “Leave me alone, indefinitely.”

You turned away from him again, signifying the conversation was over. He might have tried to talk some sense into you but a few moments later the pilot was announcing their imminent arrival in Virginia.

As the rest of the team stirred back into consciousness, Spencer got to his feet and stormed away, not caring if the others sensed his anger.

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