sooooo I added a smutty chapter 2 to one of my bokris fics-

I've never written anything like this before so akshakshsksh I'm fighting the urge to scream and bang my head against the wall if I'm being totally honest, BUT I decided to bite the bullet and post it 😭

if anyone needs me, I'll be hiding in a corner 🙂🫠

Bex!! Bex I beg of you to write more priest!Jamie and his little lamb, I'm thinking maybe they're getting farther into their relationship, they might get married close (idk how catholicism works on that), maybe it's their wedding night or he proposed and she worships him as her god? - @this-was-bad-sorry

YES darling, sorry for this taking so long to come out but omg i love these two cw oral f!recieving, overstim, religious themes, power imbalance, jamie's god complex is... intense lol | series masterlist

The hickies faded after three days, and Jamie proposed on Friday morning. 

You hardly saw him at all in the days leading up to Friday, as was your mother’s doing. She heavily protested you and Jamie’s relationship, and all but forbid you from seeing him again, and you had put your foot down and declared that nothing could stop you. “I’m an adult, and I can make my own decisions!” you said. “And Jamie is kind and thoughtful, and he’s— He’s a man of God, he wouldn’t do anything bad to me!”

“Then what about those marks on your neck?” she asked. “If he didn’t make them, then what happened? You walked into a private meeting with him looking normal, then walked out looking like— Like— Like a whore!” 

Anger flashed in your chest. There was no defending what you and Jamie had done, because even you knew that premarital sex went against the church’s teachings, and there was no hiding it; when you had gotten home, you saw just exactly what he had done, marks on your neck and your messy hair and walking a bit uneven on shaky legs. It was obvious that he had fucked you, but you could do without the shame from your mother. “Mom,” you started. “I’m not gonna fight with you on this. He knows what he’s doing, and, if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have started anything with me.” 

“And what happens when you leave on Friday?” she asked. “You go back to college and leave him here, and suddenly you’re just some girl that he committed a sin with that lives three hours away.” 

“I told you, he knows what he’s doing,” you said, and you sincerely hoped that Jamie did know what he was doing. 

Dinner that night with him was nice. It was just at his home, a small parsonage that was connected to the back of the church, a building that hardly looked like anything at all, even with the stovetop and bathtub and mattress set on the floor. “Only just moved in, you see,” he explained. “I haven’t had time to go into the big city and buy a bed frame or much of anything.”

“That’s alright,” you had told him. “I think it’s lovely.” 

He made you pray to him again, but this time was different. He kissed down your body, undressing you as he went, and his long, slender fingers caught in your panties once he had ridded you of your dress. “I’ve done bad things, lamb,” he whispered, shaking his head lightly. “Terrible things.” 

“Like what?” you asked softly. “Tell me, my God.” 

Jamie’s baby blues lifted to look at you, and he pressed a kiss to your cunt, still covered by the thin fabric. You had long since soaked them through, and Jamie worked them down your thighs as he whispered, “I’ve lied to people. I’ve been so dishonest. I act like I’m so holy, so much better than everyone else, but I’m not.”

“But you are,” you said quickly. 

“But I’m not,” he insisted. “I’m just like everyone else, but still I act like I’m better just because I found God. Everyone in the church found God, that’s why they’re there. How does that make me different or special?” 

“It makes you different,” you started. “Because you had lost God, and you found Him again. And you help lead people to God, like me. You led me to you.”

Jamie kissed your cunt again, and he settled his mouth over you and licked hard into you. You had gasped and grabbed at his hair, and Jamie had smiled into you and tasted you again. “On my knees for you,” he whispered. “Worshipping you, just the way I should. If I’m your God, you’re mine.” 

You had cried out both of his names as he tasted you and licked into you, his strong hands grabbing your hips and keeping his mouth right on you, even when your poor, overstimulated nerves tried to push him away. You whined and whimpered and tugged his hair, but he didn’t stop until you were gushing into his mouth, coating his tongue with your juices, and he drank down everything you gave him with a lewd smacking of his lips. “Goddamn it,” he whispered. “Goddamn you.” 

“Why?” you asked. “Just so you can save me again?”

“Exactly... When do you leave for university again?” 

“Friday afternoon,” you said glumly, and Jamie frowned as he helped you redress. 

“Not if I have anything to do with it.” 

You woke up on Friday morning to the ringing of the doorbell of your parents’ house, and you groaned and buried your head under the pillows. You heard your father lumber up out of bed and cross the house to answer the door, and you peeked from the pillow to see the time. 8 o’clock, on the dot. Who the fuck…? 

“Oh,” you heard your father say when the front door creaked open. “Father James.”

You were awake in an instant, jumping out of bed and grabbing a t-shirt to pull over your bra and panties. As you rushed to find something in your already-packed luggage, you heard Jamie speaking, his low voice rumbling. 

“I’m sorry to disturb you this early in the day,” Jamie said. “I was only hoping to see you before your daughter left this afternoon.” 

“Me?” your father asked. “Why?” 

“May I come in?” Jamie asked, and there was silence before the door shut heavily. You heard the thudding click of Jamie’s boots on the hardwood floor, and you could imagine him worrying his hat in his hands as he spoke. “Sir, I know that I only know your daughter from a certain distance—”

“I’d say a much closer distance than you’d be willing to admit,” your father interjected. “You did sleep with her on Wednesday after the service, didn’t you?”

“Erm, yes, I did,” Jamie said. “I’ll admit to that, as shameful as it is. I’ve been praying about it ever since, praying for God’s forgiveness for the sin I committed. I only hope he does forgive me, because… Well, sir, I came here to ask for your permission for your daughter’s hand.” 

“Excuse me?” your father spat.

“I intend to marry her,” Jamie said. “And I thought it the proper thing to do to ask your permission before I did.” 

“So, you’ll fuck her, but marrying her is where you take the proper route?” your father asked. You finally found a suitable shirt and ran out of your bedroom as you tugged it on, and you skidded into the living room to see Jamie and your father, same height, standing nearly nose to nose. Jamie did hold his hat in his hands, the same black wide-billed number that he had worn on Wednesday, his hair perfectly messy, wearing his usual black with the collar done up to his throat. 

“Dad,” you said quickly. “Jamie.” 

“Hi there, lamb,” Jamie said softly. His eyes sparkled as he looked at you, and he added, “I guess you heard that, didn’t you?” 

“I-I didn’t think you were serious,” you said. “When-When you told me that you wanted to marry me. I thought that was… Heat of the moment type stuff.” 

“And perhaps it still is,” Jamie said. “But I never want this moment to end. I want you as my wife.” 

“We all want lots of things in life, buddy,” your dad said pointedly, and Jamie raised his eyes from you to him. “But I draw the line here. You are not marrying her, not after knowing her for less than a week and taking advantage of her like that.” 

“Dad, gosh!” you exclaimed. “He didn’t do that, I’m an adult, I wanted it as much as he did! And anyway, it isn’t your decision to make. Jamie, I think it’s lovely that you asked my dad for permission, but I-I would have accepted, even if you hadn’t.” 

“Really?” Jamie asked. He looked hopeful, his eyes wide and his eyebrows drawn up, and his pink lips stretched into a smile. “Little lamb…”

You went to him and wrapped yourself in his arms, and you touched your forehead against his as your hand lightly touched his cheek. He needed a shave, the faintest stubble appearing on his face, but he was still beautiful, still your handsome god. “Yes,” you whispered. “Yes, I’ll marry you, Jamie.” 

“Good,” Jamie said softly. His eyes flicked down for a moment to your lips, then back up to your eyes, and he said, “You can come live with me.”

“And what about her degree?” your father asked. “She is not abandoning her education to get married to some lowlife—”

“Dad,” you snapped. “I’ll figure it out. But if that means that I drop out…” You shrugged and turned back to Jamie, and even the sight of him made you smile. “So be it.” 

By the time noon rolled around, you were back in Jamie’s home— your home. You knew that there were a million logistical things to parse through soon, especially since break was ending on Sunday and classes started back; you would have to move out of your apartment and come to Jamie, drop out of school to live with him, but you could deal with all of that later. For now, Jamie had you in his arms, worshipping you with kisses. “My beautiful girl,” he whispered as his mouth pressed over your bare breast, letting his tongue lave over your nipple. You bit your lip to hold in your moan, and Jamie’s hands fell onto your waist. “My beautiful wife. I’ll give you a good life, I swear I will.” 

“I don’t need that,” you told him. “Any life with you is perfect.” 

Jamie was quiet for a moment, and he suddenly moved away from you, standing up from the bed. His shirt was undone, hanging open to expose his toned chest and dangling silver cross chain, his pants unbuckled; he looked especially debauched, and you loved it. “I need to show you something,” he said as he moved around the small room, obviously searching for something specific. Finally, on a busy, cluttered shelf, he found a small book, and he moved back to the bed, book in hand. 

“These are pictures from back when I was…” Jamie started, and he shook his head. “I need you to know the man you’re marrying, even if I’m no longer that man.” 

You sat up. This was obviously important to Jamie, and you watched as he opened the book to show photograph after photograph. Some were better quality than others, taken with a shaky hand, and you gently touched the corner of the first photograph. It featured Jamie prominently, a microphone in hand and sweat dripping from his hair. He was shirtless, wearing tight black jeans, and he was bent over as he sang. 

“This was during that period in my life when I eschewed God,” Jamie explained. “I was in a rock band, and I acted like it too. I was rude to people, selfish, I lied about everything, I… I was behaving quite badly, if we’re honest.” 

He flipped the page to the next picture, and you saw another photograph of Jamie performing. This time, he wore a guitar over his body, still shirtless, still screaming into the microphone, but this time, you could glance at someone in the background, partially hidden behind a guitar. “Who’s that?” you asked. 

“My brother, Sam,” Jamie said. “He’s still on that path. We’ve fought about this so much, about how I found the church and he hasn’t. He says I’m trying to convert him, or that I’m not genuine in my faith, but I just want what’s best for him.” 

“Oh,” you mumbled. You pressed your cheek into his shoulder and frowned, and you added, “I don’t like this, J.” 

“I don’t either,” Jamie said. “I hate you knowing exactly what I’ve done. But you deserve the whole truth— no more lying.” 

“Not telling me about a past that you’re ashamed of isn’t lying,” you told him. “Even if it is, I forgive you.” 

“Darling, listen to me,” Jamie said, abandoning the scrapbook and turning to you. He took your arms into his hands, holding you firmly, and his beautiful eyes went hard and serious. “You deserve to know everything I’ve done. You deserve that, as my wife. You deserve me being honest with you.” 

“I don’t deserve anything,” you whimpered. “Jamie, my dear God, you can tell me anything you want, but if you don’t want to tell me something, you don’t have to.” 

“God…” Jamie whispered. “I love you.” 

“And I love you,” you told him. “Totally unconditionally.” Your hands clutched at his shirt as you drew him into a kiss, and Jamie’s hands abandoned your arms to wrap around you as he kissed you back. He nibbled your lips as you fell backwards onto the bed, and you smoothed your hands down his chest to fiddle with his belt. 

“Oh, yeah?” Jamie chuckled. “You really need me bad like that?”

“Yes,” you whined. “God, please.” 

Jamie kissed you again, deep and fervent, and he said, “Worship me, little lamb. Show me how much you love me.” 

Without question or hesitation, you moved to kiss Jamie’s cheek and the little brown freckle that laid in the middle of his pale skin. You kissed from his cheek to his ear, and you pressed your lips to the small gold hoop he wore in his ear before trailing kisses down his rough, stubbly chin. Your kisses then landed on his neck, and you sucked his thin skin between your teeth hard enough for Jamie to make a soft moan. “Good girl,” he whispered, his hands lingering on your hips, and you moved your lips from his neck down to his prominent collarbones, tasting his skin and sighing softly. 

You shuffled to reach his chest, pushing his shirt aside and off his shoulders, and you gawked at the tattoos on his arms. Obviously, Jamie saw what you were looking at, because the muscles in his arms flexed, and he whispered, “You like them?” 

“Yeah,” you told him, stretching out his arm and kissing down to the inside of his elbow. “Really pretty…” 

“You can tell me that you think they’re hot,” Jamie laughed. “You don’t have to call them pretty.”

“But I don’t want to make you think I’m only here for the sex,” you told him. “I love you, and I worship you, and you’re so much more to me than just a man. You’re my God, Jamie. I revere you, I want to pray to you, there’s nobody and nothing more powerful than you. You are Him, and nobody can compare.” 

“Your God has done bad things,” Jamie said, and you kissed back up to his shoulder. “Terrible things.” 

“And I forgive you,” you told him. Your kisses came down his chest and your lips lingered over his nipples for a moment before you bit the rosy pink nubs. Jamie smiled and patted down your hair, and you moved your mouth down to the ink on his stomach. You let your lips touch at his undone trousers, and you lifted your eyes to find him watching you. His blue eyes were intense on you, and you whispered, “God?” 

“You don’t think you’re done, do you?” Jamie asked. “Keep going.” 

Quickly, your hands grabbed at his hips and dragged him closer, and you took down his trousers and pants to expose his soft cock. The sight of him made you gasp, and you pressed forward, nuzzling your cheek against his cock. He smelled so good, and you whimpered as you dug your fingernails into his ass. “God,” you sniffled, and you felt the hot prick of tears touch at your eyes. You loved him so much, revered him and worshipped him so much, and Jamie’s hands touched your head. “I love you.”

“Good, good,” Jamie whispered. “You’re doing so well, worshipping me so good. I’ll fuck you, if you want.”

“Yeah?” you asked, kissing the head of his cock and smiling when his cock flexed for a moment. “I think I’d rather just worship you instead. How can I come to know my God if I don’t worship you?”

“You’re going to kill me,” Jamie whispered fondly. “But I’ll die a sweet death with you.”

* 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐌 ( 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐕 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒. )

feel free to change pronouns / wording!

" it started with a simple choice, escape or die. "

" he almost killed you last time, didn't he? "

" what about me? you gotta take me with you. "

" i really didn't have a choice. "

" you haven't escaped anything unless you go on to something. "

" the first thing i noticed was the smell. "

" just like day follows night, every man succumbs to his nature. "

" you're lucky i was here. "

" maybe you're my guardian angel. "

" you can stand to eat a meal if you must, you can stand to make love if you're able, but it's impossible to stand and drink, it's the act of a barbarian, an animal at the watering hole. "

" you talk too much. "

" i walked here barefoot 'cause a guy came in my shoes. "

" people will be fascinated with your story. "

" it takes a prick to know one. "

" this is the place they were thinking about when they invented the word 'the pits'. "

" i like that you haven't asked what this is for. "

" you don't think people can change? "

" you're a good listener, it's dangerous - because it's so hard to resist being listened to. "

" what i want is to be master of my own destiny. "

" i'm sorry to have kept you so late. "

" were you gonna say goodbye? "

" there's no redemption for the likes of you. "

" he was looking pretty dead to me. "

" nothing you do will change the fact that they are gone. "

" i knew once you got my message, you'd come running. "

" i wonder what you're so guilty about that playing the hero was this important. "

" i can't go to the authorities, it's not an option for me. "

" i am a man of peace, so please do not be hurting me. "

" they almost killed me. "

" maybe i wanna feel good. "

" we're being betrayed. "

" i don't know why people can't be nicer. "

" it's always love that sends us down the rabbit hole. "

" what happened to your face? "

" i do not have friends, times like this are exactly why. "

" i think you should stop interfering with my business. "

" we have no relationship, i owe you nothing. "

" only a fool plays a game without knowing the rules first, or the other players. "

" you shouldn't be calling me. "

" ambitious men are never content. "

" it's not your fault you're weak. "

" you really need me to keep quiet, eh? "

" everything has its use by date, and everyone. "

" you can be such a child sometimes. "

" you can't spend the rest of your life refusing to care for anyone in case they leave. "

" my life isn't any man's to give or take. "

" we can compel men not to be bad but we cannot compel them to do good. "

" you have a fairly scary reputation. "

" this place means a great deal to me. "

" i can't treat it if i can't see it. "

" i didn't want to wake you. "

" will you come with me to my place? i don't wanna be there on my own. "

" there is no shame in being afraid. "

" you're a long way from home to be making threats. "

" for a man who doesn't want trouble you keep interesting company. "

" i am a businesswoman, this is the price. "

" what, so that's it? try to kill a guy and then eat ice cream? "

" what you want matters little. "

" he saw me alone and he tried to take his chance. "

" you're a hard man to find. "

" do my eyes deceive? is this a ghost? "

" what is this, are you jealous? "

" i liked it when you defended me tonight. "

" i'm beginning to think it's because you're scared. "

" you haven't said a word since we left. "

" please do not ruin my happy thoughts, your face is very... children will cry if they look at this face. "

" you don't have to suffer anything if you're strong enough to deny it. "

" i missed you. "

" it's such an arrogance to love someone and to expect it in return. "

" i never wanna be dependent on anyone else again. "

" perhaps a simple, earthy, no-strings fuck would do you a world of good. "

" just 'cause i left, it doesn't mean i don't still love you. "

" sounds like a date. "

" i'd prefer to get there alive. "

" have they hurt you? "

" where would the fun be if we all did as we are told? "

" i'm leaving you alone like this. "

" you're my friend, even if you don't want any. "

" don't forget who works for who. "

" you don't need to justify yourself to me. "

" you can hate me and still not let the tea go to waste. "

" i'm the one who will get the job of killing you. "

" loyalty comes out of love, or fear, or debt. "

" i never said i was a good person. "

" you can't blame yourself for that. "

" i am too happy you are alive. "

" you are a good man and you think too much. "

" the only thing stronger than love is the hate left behind when it's gone. "

" if you want me to beg, you will wait a long time. "

" the world has no place for me. "

" i don't think you've ever loved anyone in your life. "

" a warrior has to follow orders, even when they don't like them. "

" just 'cause i don't want you here doesn't mean i've forgotten my manners. "

" have dinner with me, just like two normal people. "

" i keep them to remember what a terrible human being i am. "

" you can love someone and do terrible things to them, all at the same time. "

" it's good to be nervous, it means it matters. "

" i think you shot me, you bastard. "

" you're fucking dying, and i'm the only thing that's gonna stop it, okay? "

" i made sure i wasn't followed. "

" i never stabbed anyone in my life, i'm not gonna start now. "

" good way to get yourself killed. "

" is this your blood? "

" how does it feel? knowing you're gonna fucking die and there's nothing you can do about it. "

" i never wanna see you again. "

" if you lie, then a crow will bite you. "

" you are the cause of my problems. "

" we need to keep you out of sight. "

" i almost had it, and then you made me forget. "

" i hate doing nothing. "

" the whole point of you staying is so that you can stay out of harm's way. "

" you're gonna bleed out, you need to stay still. "

" i have never seen so much money before in my whole life, forget all in one bag. "

" stop! they're gonna hear you! "

" you've lost the right to ever say my fucking name. "

" i've had enough of this shit, do you hear me?! "

" short version: it all went to shit. "

" a coward isn't capable of exhibiting love. "

" you'll never need to catch me as much as i need to be free. "

" every time we cage a man, we close him in with hate. "

long post basically about nothing

omg up at night and can't sleep which always leads you to make good decisions. anyway i was looking at my ex's sister's reddit account and she made a comment probably about ME. where she said i was really awful to her and to my ex and that her family only invited me to events because they didn't want my ex to isolate himself from them or feel like he had to defend me. and like idk! everyone has their own memory of things. mine is that she was always super rude to me, talked over me, literally transphobic lol. we got in maybe two arguments over the two years that i dated her brother. other than that i didn't like her, but i think i was usually polite. obviously she would disagree. who's to say.

i don't think i was awful to my ex either. i don't think we were compatible, i think he really fucked me over in some ways. i know that i teased him a lot, but i thought that it was good natured couple ribbing, but he took it more seriously, and never communicated that to me until it all came pouring out like a year in. i feel bad about that but at the same time he never told me it bothered him, so like that just sucks! i think i was also nice to him, waaaaaaaaay too understanding of a lot of things (constantly blowing me off, slut shaming me LOL, generally being kind of sexist and racist toward me/my family). i think i supported him, helped him with school, helped him find a job, etc. like it wasn't a perfect relationship, but we were literally 19 so that's normal lol. maybe he thinks i was totally awful, which would be fair, breakups tend to color your view. i thought he was awful for a long time. now i just don't really care. he's a person, i'm a person, we both made mistakes. i don't really wish him well in life but i don't wish him harm either lol. it just doesn't concern me.

to be honest i think i am SUPER bothered by the idea that his whole family hated me and was just trying to keep me from isolating him or something. like obviously, i wouldn't have tried to isolate him from his family. i wouldn't have been mad if he went to family events without me, and i don't think i portrayed that. it's not like i butted in and insisted that i always be invited, and honestly i went to a lot more things than i wanted to because i wanted them to like me! like i am kind of just hoping that this is his sister being dramatic and extrapolating.

i was never that close with either of his parents and my relationship with his dad was always SUPER awkward but i really cared for his mom. she was really nice to me and i have unresolved mommy issues lol. i would like to think i was nice to her back and that she liked me. it's really hurtful to think that maybe she didn't and that it was all an act.

anyway. I will definitely talk about this in therapy lol but IN GENERAL. i'm not going to spiral about this. i think it's fair to have conflicted feelings on the mom thing but i'm not going to let it convince me that i'm actually an awful person or something and i've only tricked people into liking me. i have plenty of great qualities and i have some that aren't so great! but so does everyone else, nobody is perfect. i have friends and i have had a fair amount of romantic interests since then that clearly didn't think i was the worst person on earth. sooooo many people see value in me and think that i enrich their life and i'm not gonna argue with that. not everyone has to like me for all of this to be true and unfortunately sometimes that might include people i see as maternal figures. it seems like a bigger deal that it is because of my issues but really it's okay.

"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 9*

Chapter 8

Chapter 10

Aw SNAP, an early chapter?! Yes children, I woke up and I just wanted to write. This story really does mean a lot to me, and I have been neglecting it for the last few days. So I decided to give you one today, and one tonight. I just have so much to say, and I wanna get it out there as fast as I think of it! I know y'all want that too.

So I don't know if these actually need warnings, but there is serious discussion about alcohol and addiction. If you're sensitive to that, read with caution. I'm really sensitive to it and I wrote it, but it's more therapeutic to me. I don't know how others feel about it.

Also-- I did my best to fix the continuity issue in the last chapter about the Sonny crying at Y/N's mom's funeral, AND I think I did a good job at fixing the continuity with the fact that I literally started this story with her drinking an appletini. Like a moron.

And if you think my explanation is 'unbelievable', I actually do the same thing so I know it's a thing! Don't @ me.

Also Also-- This chapter is all Y/N and Sonny, some cousin bonding time. I hope y'all appreciate it.

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--------------

You rode to the train station in silence, but when you got out of the Uber to walk in by yourself, Sonny quickly trailed behind you.

“I’m a big girl Sonny, I don’t need you to hold my hand,” You rolled your eyes.

“I-I know, but it’s an hour until your train leaves, and--” He nervously explained.

“Afraid I’ll go to the bar and just derail my life in twenty minutes?” You crossed your arms.

“...No…” He softly looked at the ground.

“Well, you're right. I'm just gonna throw it all away right now,”

“Y/N don’t do that--”

“I’m not kidding, Sonny!” You looked at him seriously.

“...What?” He was stunned at your admission.

You looked around the train station, people were bustling about running to their trains and finding their people, it was a madhouse. You needed to talk this out seriously; so you pulled him to a waiting area and sat down with him.

“Well as you so nicely pointed out, I am basically on the verge of breaking my sobriety every fucking day. And now I know why you wanted me to avoid Rafael, but I didn’t listen and as much as you didn’t want it to, it already broke me. Last night I broke, and now that-- now that he’s gone, or run away, or whatever-- All I can think about is making this pain go away!” The thoughts that had been running through your head since you left Rafael’s apartment just came spilling out of your mouth.

“Sunshine…” He sighed.

“And you’re right, I don’t have anyone else. I don’t have anyone else to lean on, except for you. And I can’t keep doing that, you’ve done it long enough,” You started to feel tears catch in your throat.

“Wha--but I don’t mind, I--” He protested.

“Really? Because the way you were telling Rafael, it sounded like you were sick of it,” You tried to keep your voice steady.

“I’m not--” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m not sick of it. It’s just--”

“A lot,” You finished for him.

“Right,” He looked at you sadly. “But-- I don’t understand, then what do you wanna--”

“I need to go away,” You interjected with a very somber look.

“What?” He half laughed. “Go away? What does that even--”

“I need to go...away,” You repeated, not wanting to say the words out loud.

“Like...a facility?” He asked; you nodded. “Y/N I didn’t mean you had to--”

“I know you didn’t mean that Sonny, but I don’t see any other way,” Tears filled your eyes.

“I don’t-- I don’t wanna do this again! I don’t want you to have to take days, weeks off work watching me, moving to Jersey, checking my room and my apartment, you’re too old for that shit now!” You looked up to the sky, willing the tears to stay in your pupils.

“I mean, Y/N come on I’m almost 31, I’m not ancient--”

“But you’re a grown up, with a grown up job and a career, and a life. And I can’t just-- make you put your life on pause because I’m a fuck up,” You barely whispered.

“You’re not a--”

“I am,” You shook your head. “I am, and I accept it. I can’t have-- normal, things. Like friendships or relationships. This absolutely proves it,”

“No, it doesn’t,” Sonny took your hand. “Look I told Barba and now I’m telling you: This...this might be on me,”

“No it’s not,” You took his hand this time. “Don’t do that,”

“No, it really might be,” He insisted. “You’ve...you’ve never just opened up to someone like you did with Barba. Not once. Not with anyone but me,”

“Yeah well clearly that was some kind of fluke,” You rolled your eyes with a tear filled laugh.

“Was it?” Sonny asked you sincerely. “When’s the last time you approached a guy or girl for that matter, sober?”

“I mean, I was sipping an appletini…” You looked at the ground in guilt.

“Y/N…” Sonny rubbed his temples.

“What?” You shrugged. “It’s not like I’m the Hulk, Sonny. I don’t take a sip of alcohol and ‘Hulk Out’. I like to at least attempt to feel like a grown up, so I order ONE drink and nurse it for hours. You know this. It’s just, when I get upset…”

“You lose it,” He finished for you.

“...Yeah,” You looked back at the ground.

“So why don’t you just come stay with me for a few days, until this whole ‘Barba’ thing passes, and you can be...normal, again?” He put a hand on your knee. “You don’t need to…’go away’, like a mental patient,”

“...Because I don’t know if it will pass, Sonny,” You admitted. “I’m not kidding when I say this broke me. It...it broke me. And he wasn’t even my boyfriend! We fucked one time and all of a sudden I was going through his stuff like a crazy girlfriend,”

“...Didn’t need to know that, but alright,” Sonny shuddered at the thought of you in the throes of passion with Rafael.

“Whatever,” You sighed. “The point is, I-- I lost it, with him. That’s never happened, not once. I’ve never…’cared’ about someone like that. I just bang them then leave,”

“Wasted” Sonny added.

“....Well yeah, obviously,” You laughed sadly.

“Which brings me back to my original point,” He replied. “You may have had some liquor in your system, but were you drunk when you talked to Barba?”

“...No,” You shook your head.

“Were you tipsy?”

“....No,"

“Did you get drunk while waiting on me and talking with him and then decide to go back to his place to...do stuff?”

“No!” You hit him softly.

“And last night,” He continued. “Last night when I walked away and left the two of you. Did you run back inside and drink yourself into a stupor because you hurt me?”

“No!!” You shook your head. “No, I-- I might have wanted to, but then Rafael took me inside and he-- well, first of all his friends humiliated me--”

“They what?” Sonny’s fists began to clench.

“Calm down, Son,” You took his hand. “Rafael defended me, he even punched a guy for insulting me!”

“He WHAT?” Sonny gasped. Rafael would never do something like that, not for anyone. He was always so cool, calm and collected, always the epitome of decorum. If he had lost it on someone in public, that really did mean something.

“...So he defended you, then took you home?”

“Well, I---” You looked down in shame. “I asked him to,”

“Ah,” Sonny nodded. “I see,”

“But only because you said you didn’t wanna see me! I...I didn’t think I had anywhere else to go,” You explained.

“But he let you,” He added.

“He wanted me to,” You shrugged. “But Sonny I swear, nothing was supposed to happen. I just wanted to crash on his couch until I could talk to you. But...I don’t know, we-- he washed my clothes, and then we were watching BoJack, and then we were laughing and he was tickling me, and it just-- happened,”

“Organically,” He clarified.

“...Not the way I’d word it but yeah,”

“And you didn’t drink anything?” He raised an eyebrow.

“No!” You cried. “No, and I didn’t want to hurt--”

“Sunshine I promise you, this isn’t about my feelings at all right now,” He assured you. “I’m just pointing out that you have never just...accidentally slept with a guy,”

“Meaning…?” You quirked an eyebrow curiously.

“Meaning your MO is get drunk, get laid, and leave. Correct?”

“...Well when you say it like that…” You shifted uncomfortably.

“I’m not trying to guilt you Sunshine I’m making a point. Now, am I right?”

“....Yes,”

“So you genuinely had feelings for Barba. Real, unaltered feelings,”

“....I guess so,”

“And I’m not blowing smoke up your ass when I say that Barba would never, ever punch a guy for anyone. Especially not someone he worked with, in front of a bunch of colleagues. I mean, his ‘circle’ is probably buzzing right now with talk about how ‘barbaric’ he was, for some girl he just met,” He explained.

“What are you saying, Son?” You studied his face curiously.

“I’m saying like I said before, that this might be my fault, Sunshine,” He sighed, once again running his hands through his hair.

“If I hadn’t been so...against you and Barba, I wouldn’t have spout off my mouth about his--- usual way of dating. Because it sounds like with you, he’s anything but his usual self,” He explained.

“...And then you wouldn’t have gotten upset about it and responded the way you do when you’re upset, and then you wouldn’t have ended up a mess last night, and you two would still be in your happy little bubble of bliss,”

“Sonny,” You sighed and put a hand on his shoulder. “I appreciate the sentiment, but I think we both know that this...’beast’ inside of me, is always gonna be there,”

“Well…” He murmured.

“You said it yourself! I’m still an addict, I’m still battling it everyday, even though I’ve gotten so much better at it. Even though most days I am perfectly fine; I’m not normal. Normal people don’t end up at the bottom of a bottle of vodka whenever they have a bad day, or stress out,” You cringed at the memory of that constantly happening back in the day.

“Yeah I know…”

“And it’s not fair for me to put that on someone. Especially someone I barely know! Especially someone who is not used to, or even ready for any kind of normal commitment! I mean, honestly I’m glad it happened now, because if we had gotten any deeper and the inevitable happened, the blow out would have been much more...messy,” You looked away in shame, just imagining the chaos your drunken alter ego could cause.

“...How so?”

“Sonny, if I lost it like I did last night after spending one night with Rafael, can you imagine the kind of havoc I’d wreck if we had been dating for a while? If we were married?” You half laughed sadly at the thought. “Cops would be called, I’m sure,”

“Sunshine….” He spoke softly, hating to hear you degrade yourself so much. He'd heard it so much in the past, he knew if you were going into the dark place, the damage was bad.

“Somehow or other, the monster would have shown herself to him. And clearly, whenever it was gonna happen-- he wasn’t going to respond well,” You shook your head with the same sad smile.

“But maybe if you had gotten closer, maybe he would have changed. Maybe he wants to change-- he’s just...freaked out right now,” Sonny pointed out.

“Don’t,” You shook your head while looking at the ground. “Don’t do that,”

“Do what?” He asked you quizzically.

“Give me false hope,” You looked up at him with tears once again welling up in your eyes. “You know that’s the most dangerous thing for someone like me,”

“But that’s just it Sunshine,” He put both hands on either side of your face. “I really don’t think it’s false hope,”

“Yeah well,” You scoffed with a sarcastic laugh. “I won’t hold my breath. And the bottom line is-- if that ever happens, then it will. But I’m here now, and right now all I want is to drink until I forget this weekend ever happened,” You wiped tears from your face. “So I need you to--”

“I’m not sending you away,” He said sternly.

“Sonny!” You stomped your foot. “I’m not kidding! You can’t--”

“Look Y/N,” He started. “You have done so well these past few years, better than I’ve ever seen you. I am so proud of you. You’re in school, you’re thinking about the future, you have dreams. And if you just...abandon that for even a month or two, you’ll have to drop your classes and start over,”

“Yeah but--”

“I know you think that going to rehab is the thing you’re ‘supposed’ to do when shit like this happens, but honestly I think it will only send you three steps back, not forward,” He looked at you with very genuine eyes.

“...Y’know the old ‘monster’ wouldn’t have even told me any of this,” He pointed out. “She would’ve gotten on that train and headed to the liquor store at the Jersey train station,”

“...That is true,” You nodded with a soft smile.

“I think you’re more in control than you think, Sunshine,” He put a thumb on your chin. “...But, maybe to make us both feel better, I’ll put a limit on your card for a bit,”

“...Yeah, probably for the best,” You gave him a small smile. Just then you both heard the speaker announcing your train was boarding.

“Well, I guess I better go,” You stood up with your duffel and gave him a long, hard hug. You really did love him more than anyone in this world, and knowing he wasn’t mad at you and still loved you meant everything to you.

“Alright Sunshine, you call me when you get back to the apartment, yeah?”

“Yeah,” You nodded; he gave you another hug, scared to let you go.

He was being supportive and brave on the outside for you, because he really did want you to keep going on the path you were on. But something deep down inside of him was constantly worried about the monster inside you. He wanted to protect you 24/7, but you were right-- he had a life and a career in the city, he had to trust you to be on your own.

“I love you, Y/N. You know that, right?”

“Yeah,” You nodded with a bigger smile. “I love you too, Sonny,”

You gave him one last kiss on the cheek before heading to your platform, leaving Sonny alone in the station. He waited until he couldn’t see your figure headed towards the distance before pulling out his phone and dialing a number.

“Barba,” He said seriously. “We need to talk,”

The doll community be like woah we dont support racists . So they cap on people who have done racists shit in the doll community. Then when the person has the courage to apologize yall "criticize" (not even criticism at this point) the apology

BUT THEN

When people who make the dolls do rasict shit yall say NOTHING.

Where are yall now

Where where yall then

Oh I know buying all their dolls

The creator of rainbow high is literally doing rasict as shit

Mga creators dont even recognize dark skinned people in their toy lines .Without poc pledding at their feet

Still na na na surprise has no dark skinned person.

You guys buy these toys with no problem and know this shit too

I honestly thought yall people would do shit to stop rasict. But you guys don't do the things that will stop rasict. I know this might come as a shocker to yall but we can't eliminate rasict by yelling at them. You have to help them understand. You can't cap on people and expect them to not be rasict no more. You have to empathize with this person and help teach them.

(Side note if your a poc especially a women pls dont bend your back trying to change a rasict mind. Especially in real life when it starts effecting you mentally and your own time. I know people expect a lot from woc to act like everyone's mom. Also the internet exist so you can just direct them to some articles and if they still don't understand, leave you tried )

The thing with dollightful is that she already recognized her mistake, so their was barely any teaching to recognize.

You guys yelling at dollightful for not showing her face is not ending racism at all and she genuinely recognized her mistake. She brought the attention of her mistake to her whole audience. If there was anyone who did not know why it was offensive they could have read all the links in the description.

You people dont actually care about racism if you did you would not have brought these dolls in the first place( rainbow high and nanana surprise)

I know half of yall are gonna be like well what do you expect me to do not buy these dolls. Like umm yeah I expect yall to make a change in what you do not just talk about it, because you guys can't even do that right. You have to be an understanding person if want to try to talk people out of racism. When you bring a new idea to someone especially with hate the brain starts acting defensive, and shuts down the understanding part. There is this thing called the cingulate In the brain for some people it hates change, so you have to be understanding when talking about new ideas to these people if you genuinely wish to make a change in rasict peoples mind

Some one had the audacity to tell me that I should stop defending this person cuz they don't pay my rent you say that when you pay these racist ass company's rents. Yall aren't even being critical yall are SHAMING her. There is a difference your shaming isn't stopping rasict.

I only defended that women for just showing a doll instead of her face. Nothing else that she has done in her past. NADA

Im honestly starting to believe that you guys don't generally care about racism, and that you guys think yall look so cool on Twitter and that your woke for capping on a rasict. Like thats barely doing anything at the end of the day.

Pls i beg that you guys become empathetic people and genuinely start doing shit that will help stagnate racism. Make these companies be the ones on their knees begging YOU to buy their dolls. Boycott these companies till you ain't see a rascit in sight. If you guys want to yell at anyone it should be companies that have actually PR that you support with your own wallet.

(My only opinion on dollightful is that its okay for not showing her face. Her not showing her face is not a act of racism and you guys are focusing on the wrong fucking thing. PLS I beg actually try to help poc. We don't need this childish nonsense. Yall attacking her for no real reason might shy away other people who have done racists things to not apologize.)

I'm sorry to group mga shady stuff with dollightful but all these things together just makes it seem like yall don't actually give a shit about racism and i needed to get all this off my chest

The tension is thick between the Dean and Cas. They've been arguing for over an hour, both stubbornly refusing to give in. Caught up in the feud, neither one realizes that Sam has been in his room, purposely packing as slowly as humanly possible waiting for the bickering to stop.

 

The aroma of buttery popcorn lingers in the room from the night before. The calm, relaxed atmosphere from their family movie night is long gone as they pace angrily around the kitchen. Dean's hands are tightly fisted at his sides and Cas' lips are pursed as they glare at each other wordlessly for a long moment.

 

Cas is the one to break the silence, as he turns to leave the room barking out, "I'm done talking about this. I'm GOING, and you can't stop me." He has every intention of heading to pack his bag, whether Dean likes it or not.

 

Dean's heavy footsteps echo as he rushes toward the former Angel. He crosses his arms and clenches his jaw just as Cas crosses the threshold. "Wanna bet?" he growls, blocking him.

 

Cas pulls at his own hair with a frustrated groan, before swinging back around to face the infuriating man and stepping back into the room. "Goddammit! You and Sam never had any powers and you've accomplished unimaginable things! Why can't you have the same faith in me?"

 

"For the last time, that was all because of Chuck! For fuck's sake, you're gonna get yourself killed out there and I won't stand for it!"

 

"It's not up to you!"

 

"Like hell it isn't!"

 

"I'm not a child! I know you don't think I can handle myself with my powers gone but I deserve the chance to prove you wrong! Besides, if Chuck really was the only reason for you and Sam's excellent hunting, then you're BOTH being stupid by continuing to hunt now that he's gone! So tell me, how is me going too, any different?!"

 

"You're not coming with us Cas, and that's final!" Dean snarls.

 

At that, Cas feels what little patience he had left immediately disintegrate. "What do you want from me, Dean?!" he demands, "I can't just keep sitting around the bunker doing nothing. I can HELP! I'm done being useless!"

 

"You can't really believe that. You think you're useless to us? To me? Just because you're human now?!"

 

Cas' gaze drops to the floor and he doesn't answer, his expression unreadable.

 

Dean licks his lips and sighs, softening his features along with his tone, as he steps into Cas' space. "Cas-"

 

"Give me one good reason why I can't go and fight alongside you and Sam," Cas says, his tone less biting now. Dean can see the anger now mixed with something else in his eyes.

 

Scrubbing his hand over his face, Dean grunts. "Because I fucking love you, okay? Is that reason enough for you?!" he yells again, unintentionally.

 

Cas opens his mouth, then shuts it back. His thoughts are racing now, like his pulse. His eyes shift as he struggles with a response.

 

Taking the opportunity, Dean softens his tone once more. "I won't watch you die, Cas. I can't lose you. Not again," he explains. He looks away, shutting his eyes, attempting to hold back tears from filling his eyes.

 

"Oh, right, because I'm ' family' . Don't give me that bullshit, Dean. Sam is your family too but I don't see you trying to forbid him from going on hunts!"

 

You still don't get it do you? How the hell can I make it any clearer?" Dean asks, genuinely searching for an answer.

 

Cas scoffs. "What is it you're 'trying to make clear', Dean?" he mocks, "How incompetent you think I am? How you still don't trust me?"

 

Dean sighs, the last of his anger leaving him as tiredness takes its place. He roughly massages his temples before answering. "No, Cas. If after everything, you still don't understand how I feel about you... then I'm all out of ideas on how to clue you in."

 

It takes a moment but then hopeful realization strikes. Cas lets out a broken sob as his lip quivers. His eyes sting with threatening tears before he grabs a fist full of Dean's shirt and crashes their lips together in a bruising kiss overflowing with raw emotion. It's a combination of anger, eagerness and need.

 

Dean desperately kisses back as if Cas' mouth is his only source of oxygen. Their arms cling to each other's bodies as suddenly the kiss deepens, sending a thrill through both men.

 

The next thing Cas knows, his back is against the wall as Dean's mouth pulls away to suck marks above his collarbone.

 

"I didn't think you wanted me," Cas confesses, eyes closed as he buries his fingers in Dean's hair. "Didn't think you loved me. Not like I love you."

 

"I was an idiot," Dean admits, looking Cas in the eye before capturing his mouth again. "I should have said something as soon as we got you back from the Empty," he adds, mouthing up Cas’ neck.

 

Cas gently guides Dean back to his mouth by his hair, quickly deepening the kiss once more before slowing. Overwhelming elation and contentment take the place of urgency and need. He stops pulling Dean against him in favor of finding both his hands and lacing their fingers together lazily.

 

Dean pulls back a little to rest his forehead against Cas'. They both try to catch their breath as their pulse begins to slow. He swallows and licks his lips. "I'm sorry," Dean says, leaning back enough to look Cas in the eye again.

 

Cas smirks, cocking an eyebrow at him. He slips a hand out of Dean's in favor of cupping the side of his face. "About not telling me how you feel.. or about trying to boss me around?" he teases.

 

Dean drops his head in shame. "Both."

 

Cas gently tilts Dean's face back up with his fingers now curled beneath his chin. "I'm not fragile," he says, softly kissing him again. "And I know how to defend myself," he adds before another lingering kiss.

 

"I know you do," Dean admits, letting go of Cas' hand to wrap his arms around him. A simple intimate embrace as he closes his eyes, breathes in Cas' scent and simply enjoys the warmth and comfort of having Cas in his arms. He rests his head against Cas' shoulder and runs his fingers through the hair at the back of Cas' head.

 

"I fucking love you too, by the way," Cas says after a moment.

 

Dean chuckles at that, pulling back to look at him again, taking Cas' hands in his once more. "Way to ruin the moment," he jokes, winking at him.

 

"Fucking finally !" They hear Sam say from down the hall.

 

They both laugh, faces beaming as they smile at each other.

 

"Does this mean you're going to stop fighting me about going on hunts?" Cas inquires, searching the other man's face despite already knowing the answer.

 

Dean nods, lovingly caressing Cas' knuckles with his thumbs.

 

"Good. Then, I forgive you," Cas tells him before leaning in and pressing one last lingering kiss against Dean's lips. "Guess I should grab my stuff."

 

"Yeah," Dean agrees, gingerly kissing the backs of Cas' hands before letting go. A moment after Cas leaves the room, Dean pokes his head into the hallway. "I still don't like it, though," he calls after him.

 

"Yeah well, tough shit," Cas replies.

 

Dean can't help the grin that spreads across his face as he nods and heads to pack.

Why you not posting bae, you ok?? Just insanely deep in Grimoire graft I hope - Backyard Anon

Hooo boy it has been A Weekend BA

I'm. Not okay, but I will be eventually. Very long story short, my stepmother's mental health issues do not mesh well with mine, and hers have been declining for a long time. In the last few months she's made me the target of all her frustration by ghosting me completely, blocking me on everything, etc, and claiming I'm "horrible to deal with" and "causing problems in their relationship". I have been unusually mature and forgiving about this so far because I know she struggles, but on the inside I haven't handled it well at all. I have serious abandonment issues from being ghosted by someone else I cared about, so my own mental health has tanked. I lost what I thought were some of my closest friends over this whole mess, I have started having panic attacks which is a new and thoroughly unwelcome experience, and I have almost committed myself to the psychiatric ward more times in the last few months than I can count - which has always been my greatest fear and something I have tried really hard to prevent. But I have accepted that she wants nothing to do with me because I am a Horrible Person™, even though she has yet to actually tell me what I've supposedly done wrong. Literally all she's done is bitch about me to my mom and then complain that no one listens to her when my mom defends me. Her biggest complaint is that I'm "overwhelmingly negative" which, yeah, she has a point, but hey. My life sucks ass. What does she expect. I have never been truly happy, I don't know how to fake that shit.

Anyway, last night she decided to issue my mom an ultimatum (me or her) and then tried to claim this morning that she never said that, which, she ain't slick and no one involved fell for her gaslighting bullshit. She was willing to make my mom think she was gonna lose her marriage and her home just because she was angry at my mom for "shaming her" for how she's been treating me. Their marriage is now careening for the rocks, her relationship with me has been irreparably shredded, and I have been comforting myself with the fantasy that eventually she'd come out of this bad mental health space and stop being so fucking nasty and want to fix the relationship, and I'll be able to lord it over her, rub her nose in what she's done like a dog and hopefully subject her to the same hurt and loss that she's put me through when I get to announce that she's dead to me.

Tbh she won't care, because she wants no contact with me anyway, but it makes the bitter, vengeful, nasty little person in my heart feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside to think about it.

And. Yeah. That's the latest from Lassieville. Thank you for checking in on me, I appreciate you

The Destiel Folder: Season 7

[Season 4; Season 5; Season 6]

This season is mostly Dean being a depressed bi who can't cope with his crush's death.

This is, in my opinion, the season where Dean actually starts realizing he might for real think of Cas as something more.

Episode 1:

Cas is basically gone, both Bobby and Sam (almost) are ready to compel to whatever he says, but Dean still tries to get him to come back. "You can turn this around. Please!" (3:13) Denial

Dean has no idea how to deal with God!Castiel, but desperate to find him, and getting emotional "I don't even know what book to hit for this." "Then figure it out!" (5:47) Anger

As we have said many times already, angels don't have a sex, Castiel is not a man, and as he states, he is "utterly indifferent to sexual orientation" (8:03), and so is Chuck, God himself, who has admitted having had both girlfriends and boyfriends.

Dean turns off the news the moment he hears a woman describe Cas as "young and sexy", while doing that jaw clentch thing of his (10:14) ... huh... [and this doesn't really matter, but after this we immediately see Dean in a purple flannel. PURPLE! Go Bi!Dean]

"He's not a guy, he's a God [...] Cas is never coming back. He's lied to us, he's used us, he's cracked your gourd like it was nothing. No more talk. We've spent enough on him." (11:09) Dean trying to jump to the 5th stage of grief. Yeah, no baby that's not how it works

Dean tries so hard to convince himself that Cas's gone so he can kill him, but can't really. "Just kill him now!" and struggles hard to hold Castiel's glare. And as soon as Death offers a second option to killing him, Dean takes it. Bargening

"Dean, look, I know you think Cas is gone." "That's because he is." (31:22) Again with trying to jump to acceptance. Not doing great, Dean. In fact, "Yeah, you know how I'm gonna deal? I'm gonna stuff my pie hole, I'm gonna drink, and I'm gonna watch some asian cartoon porn. And act like the world's about to explode, because it is." (32:17) There it is. Depression.

[Remember this: Dean has no shame in watching porn in front of his brother. Wait a few seasons and see]

Just moments earlier, Dean was all "That's not Cas, Cas is dead" and shit, and now he goes "What? You need something else?" worried-husband-mode the moment Cas asks for help (34:50). Also#MARRIED (35:16)

Bobby: "Where's Sam? It's go time." Dean: *looks back at Cas worried* (37:12)

MUST HELP HUSBAND (38:06) look at Dean's eyes!!! They're like 'It's okay, it's okay. You've got this.' "I'm sorry, Dean." Cas chose these words to be his last, thinking he was going to die. LOOK AT DEAN (38:21) ICWAW this would MEAN SOMETHING ELSE

"CAS! [...] Is he breathing? ... Maybe angels don't need to breathe." says the one who was going around saying Cas was gone for good. "He's gone, Dean." "... damn it... *tears up* Cas, you child... Why didn't you listen to me." #MARRIED (39:15) Then he goes "CAS?!" as soon as he starts breathing again. ICWAW, we would SCREAM "LOVE" in this scene

"Imma find some way to redeem myself to you *looks at Dean straight in the eyes*" "*looks at Cas up and down*... Alright, well, one thing at the time, come on. Let's get you out of here." "I mean it, Dean." *eye love-making* "... Okay." (40:30) ICWAW, oooohhh, the meanings this scene would have...

Dean's face when the Leviathans tell him Cas is dead. Again. (41:18)

Episode 2:

Dean looking at the Leviathans occupying Cas' body. The HATE (1:44)

"... okay... so he's gone. *shakes while tearing up* [...] Dumb son of a bitch..." (5:14) Here we go again... I'm fine, shut up

Dean picks up, washes, folds and keeps Cas' coat (5:23) SWEET

"You just lost one of the best friends you've ever had." this hurts me. "... I'm fine, really." (12:11)

"You asked me how I was doing? Well, not good." (38:54)

Episode 5:

Dean progressively drinks more as his nightmares get worse and he misses Cas more and more. 3 times we see him drink, only in the first 12 minutes.

Sam can tell Dean feels like shit, and bet one of those reasons is Cas "Like it or not, the stuff you don't talk about, it doesn't just go away. It builds up." (39:33) Yeah, and not only problems or grief... even love

Episode 7:

Not a destiel moment, but Dean totally got hit on by the waiter. LOL (7:30)

And again. What is it with men in this town and Dean. "We're looking for a necklace." "Romantic. *looks at Dean*" (12:17). Is it an energy reading thing or something? Can they feel the bi energy?

"The Campbell brothers. [...] They weren't actually brothers. That was a cover for their, uhm... alternative life style." (22:40) Huh... I guess calling your lover "brother" runs in the family

"Ever since Cas... I'm having a hard time trusting anybody." (40:44) ouch

Episode 9:

Dean is drunk/high on Leviathan juice, and the first thing he thinks and blabbers about, is Cas (19:48) "I don't even care anymore." Oooohh ICWAW... the possibilities for this scene

Episode 12:

Dean totally checked out that man in uniform. FIGHT ME (16:27)

Episode 13:

"You're head's not in it, man. When Cas died, you were wobbly, but now-" "Now what!!" (39:35) as soon as Sam mentions Cas' death, Dean gets snappy

Episode 17:

Dean keeps getting snappy whenever Sam mentions Cas

"OH my God the love of my life is alive!" (13:02-13:06)

Dean's face when Daphne touches Cas (13:25), and when he calls her his wife (13:41)

AND HIS FUCKING FACE TRYING NOT TO TEAR UP BECAUSE CAS DOESN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT HIM (14:16)

You mean to tell me that ICWAW this wouldn't be seen as a mini desperation moment from a man seeing his lover in this situation? Yeah, I don't think so

"What if you were some sort of... I don't know, bad guy." "I... I don't feel like a bad person." Dean's face is like "Damn right you aren't" (16:50)

"He betrayed you, this dude. He was your friend?" Dean looking at him... can't even answer the question (19:59)

Dean says Cas' betrayal is something he cant get over like everything else. And that he doesn't know why. "It doesn't matter why." "Of course it matters!" (20:25)

Dean gets visibly uneasy about Meg being so close to Cas (25:34) jealous boyfriend is jealous

Dean doesn't want Cas to remember, afraid he'll leave again (32:18)

"I've known you for years!" (32:34) poor baby. Also "You're an angel." "Uhm, I'm sorry? Is that a flirtation?" DEAN'S FACE (32:42)

Dean doesn't want Cas to be hurt by his own memories and past actions (33:00)

"You used to fight together. Bestest friends, actually." Yeah, look at that reaction. Let's see how he reacts to being called his boyfriend later on (33:09)

#MARRIED!!! I'll just leave this. No comment (33:41)

As Cas regains his memories, only 2 of the ones we see are not of Dean. And the only one we hear is the "I'm sorry, Dean." . That is what matters to Cas (and this looks like a slash video. Kudos to the editors) "I remember you... I remember everything." Yeah, no-homo save (34:35)

Not even an hour earlier, Dean was ranting about Cas betraying him, how he couldn't forget and forgive him, and now he is saying Cas did "the best you could at the time", but Cas actually feels guilt and doesn't want Dean to defend him, but Dean does anyway (36:53)

"We didn't part as friends, Dean." "*looks at Cas up and down*... So what?" "I deserved to die." the look on Dean's face (37:18)

Dean gives Cas his trench coat back. The trench coat he kept, folded and all the the truck, for weeks. And that's not even Baby. So he moved the coat, to always have it with him (37:26). I'm not crying, shut up

Also, here, have a deleted scene that breaks my heart

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Episode 20:

Let us all appreciate that one time Dean helped a lesbian flirt with a dude (24:27-25:03)

Episode 21:

Dean is devastated about Cas' mental state, that he did that to himself to save Sam. Look at his eyes in this scene (16:08). Also, Dean still resents Cas for the whole 'New God' crap, but it feels like the real reason is the fact that he left (19:18)

"Cas! Don't make me pull this car over!" "Are you angry? Why are you angry? *puppy eyes*" "... No I-I'm..." #MARRIED (27:28)

Cas says he won't fight anymore, but as soon as Dean's in trouble, he FLIPS

"The angels... they don't care... I think maybe they don't have the equipment to care." (31:49) Touchy much, Dean?, are you trying to convince yourself about that? It feels like he's making excuses to not let himself feel anything for Cas. "It seems like when they try, it just... breaks them apart." ... OK, fuck everything, ICWAW this would totally be seen as romantic angsty reference to Cas

Cas is so lost in his guilt for what he has caused. He looks like a baby, and it gets worse when it comes to Dean

"Why should we give you anything? After everything you have taken from us? The very touch of you curropts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!" (36:50) okay damn, ICWAW all of this would seem as if they were talking about a love relationship between the two and you can't tell me otherwise

'HURT HUSBAND-MUST PROTECT MODE' (37:17)

"The bone of a righteous mortal and the blood of a fallen angel" ... shut up, I'm dying over these clues (39:11)

"What are you gonna do, Cas?" Dean's eyes are begging him to stay. ICWAW, we would point that out without a shadow of a doubt (39:40)

Episode 23:

"Dude... on my car. He showed up naked... covered in bees!" ... come on, ICWAW this would be a HUGE deal (5:10)

"Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first." (8:51) LISTEN HERE. I study psychology, and one of the first things they teach you is that jokes are based on the truth. HOW MANY OF THESE JOKES WERE MADE?! HUH??!! (plus all the "Dick" jokes Sam made) Also Dean's reaction with the jaw clentch... just saying

Cas keeps stating he doesn't want to fight, but again, Dean's in trouble? FIGHT MODE

"*soft shoulder touch, puppy eyes, serves Dean a sandwich*" ... SOFT #MARRIED COUPLE (18:27)

"You got anything to say on the topic of dicks?" you'd like that, wouldn't you, Dean? (26:42)

Cas is afraid he will do something to cause Dean more trouble. Let's remember he chose what he believed were his last words to be "I'm sorry, Dean.", but as we know, Dean deals with feelings by showing anger... Cas gets upset and copes by playing twister... pathetic. "I can't help. [...] I destroyed everything and I will destroy everything again!" for a moment, Cas is lucid, and expresses his fear, but as soon as Dean gets angry with him, Cas gows back to hide in his world of crazy (26:47)

"I'm not good luck, Dean." "... You know what? [...] I'd rather have you. Cursed or not." Look at Cas' soft little smile as it grows. ICWAW, this would be read as another confession (32:38)

"I'll go with you." SOFT

SEE??! The MOMENT Dick threatens Dean, Cas goes full Angel of the Lord on his ass. MUST PROTECT HUSBAND (36:52) and the utter shock on Dean's face is priceless

And here comes PurGAYtory

[Season 8>>]

I'm sending you this ask because I saw this post and I think this might be a case of a cultural misunderstanding? The entire conversation was very disconnected; almost nobody understood what the other was attempting to say.

I think witchesofcolor did assume about mimiwrites2000 originally but they did correct themselves pretty quickly.

They warned mimiwrites2000 about the language they were using and then explained it to them. In the U.S. if someone saying says something incredibly offensive (part of the statement they made most certainly was) then it's considered good manners to correct them immediately (particularly foreigners) so that they don't accidentally offend others. However this might be offensive in wherever you're from.

I also don't particularly believe you're anti-black either.

But, your overall behavior was (by western standards) super aggressive and you've mistaken some things as well.

When referring to AAVE that is not a 'Westerners' issue. AAVE is a specific dialect native to only Black Americans. It's words have become quite popular on the internet but they're often used improperly (as you mentioned); however because Black Americans still use the words as they were meant to be this leads to confusion and irritation (particularly the latter for Black Americans). Both you and mimiwrites2000 use it quite a bit so be there might be more confusions in the future.

Throughout the post no one called mimiwrites2000 a racist or anti-black; they said the language used was. The action was anti-black; no one said anything about the person. There's a big difference.

It was said/implied that both witchesofcolor and visibilityofcolor attacked mimiwrites2000 which again isn't accurate. To attack is imply they were purposely malicious; which they weren't. In reality, they were relatively polite. That of course doesn't mean that mimiwrites2000 didn't feel hurt; but they weren't attacked.

Honestly, you sounded really dismissive? It almost seemed like you didn't care that something offensive was said? You appeared more offended that someone corrected mimiwrites2000 and you then that something harmful was said? Like, as long as you're suffering in Palestine damned be anything else; even if it's hurtful to other marginalized communities.

Also, you claimed that you were being tone policed but you really weren't. Tone policing is when someone refuses to help/support a movement because they didn't like your tone (or attitude/words/etc.). While your tone wasn't liked; all involved still support Palestine regardless.

Overall, everybody made accusations and assumptions.

I believe neither you nor mimiwrites2000 are native English speakers (or from a western country) and language is really tricky (especially English!) so certain things are maybe lost or aren't understood but it's lost on me how you are so confident you've said or done absolutely nothing wrong. Especially since most of that entire post is in regards to something most non-Americans (including those from western countries) would have a lot of trouble understanding.

Anon, I appreciate your compassionate effort to fix this mess, but I’m really over it, and I highly doubt we can see eye to eye on this. 

It’s not just a language barrier, there is definitely a huge difference in culture clues/values. 

What I found incredibly offensive in my culture (ignoring a grieving person’s cry for help and focusing on how their wording offends me) doesn’t seem to be a big deal to you. Where I'm from, if a person is in desperate need of help, you don’t get to make it about yourself instead. Even if that person deliberately insults you, you listen and help them first and then deal with the insult. And it’s more outrageously rude when that person who was asking for your help was obviously clueless and never meant to offend but you still prioritized your hurt feelings anyway. 

You can’t imagine the level of shame and humiliation a person from an Arab culture feels when a person ignores their cry for help and tries to nitpick the words they used to ask for help, especially if they were subjugated to constant silencing and dismissive attitude before (and mimiwrites2000's private messages to me expressed how terrible she felt). 

That’s why I was angry and aggressive. 

And I’m not gonna apologize for it. 

Because while I listened and honored those guy's wishes and vowed to never again use that word that they found offensive (because I was NOT dismissive of their complaint itself), they - on the other hand - never listened. 

They demanded that a grieving victim who was crying for help be held accountable for an innocent mistake she made, but they completely absolved themselves of their own gross western-centric bias. 

They choose to call me all kinds of nasty names over and over and bombarded me with really vile, hateful messages for days.  

So sorry, but I don’t owe them shit.

But I will answer the rest of your points:

I had no idea what AAVE is, and neither did mimiwrites2000. Assuming we should have known anyway is a classic example of western-centric bias.

Even if mimiwrites2000 wasn’t directly accused of racism, the mere fact that her cries for help were ignored and she was forced to defend herself - because of an unintended offense that was caused by nothing but innocent cluelessness - was outrageous enough to me as an Arab. That post was about uplifting Palestinian voices - who were actively silenced right now - and allowing them to express their outrage and grief freely, regardless of how westerners feel about it. It was NOT the time or place to nitpick and police Palestinians voices. If someone was offended by a Palestinian’s choice of words; they should have approached them privately and respectfully, but not in my fucking post.

Mimiwrites2000 felt hurt because she felt ignored AND attacked. You don’t get to decide that for her. I already explained why an Arab victim would feel greatly humiliated in this situation, so I won’t repeat myself. 

Excuse me, but I’m too busy caring about my people being killed and colonized. I don’t have enough emotional energy to ignore my own deep pain and grief and focus on catering to other’s hurt feelings (which were caused by an unintended mistake and nothing else). We’re already deeply suffering and utterly emotionally exhausted, so have some freaking empathy and don’t demand that we should prioritize your feelings. And the most fucked up thig is: even AFTER I swallowed my own deep grief and pain and catered to their feelings; I was still called a racist bigot who didn’t really care about my own people’s suffering!!! I truly can not fathom this disgusting level of entitlement and lack of empathy.

Tone policing has many examples and it’s not limited to the one you mentioned. Also; claiming to “support” Palestine doesn’t mean shit when you nitpick and derail posts made by Palestinians and prioritize your own feelings over theirs. Don’t police, derail, or silence Palestinian voices. If you find something offensive; you can speak up, but keep the discussion in the DMs.  

Gimme Love, 3/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Hey, guys! I hope yall are enjoying this fic so far! Throw me a like please if you do. TW for this chapter: Grief // Homophobia

2003 High School. The bane of my existence. Just as I thought elementary and middle school were terrible, High School really was something else. From my childhood therapy sessions, I learned to conceal my anger, avoid freakouts, and channel my emotions into other things. It was good for me, yeah. But it also made me a more reserved person. Things still made me angry, the other kids at school being a primary key to that. But I never defended myself. Ever. Of course, Jujubee always had my back. Only in later years did I learn to appreciate the times she'd yell at the other kids, telling them to fuck off and whatnot. But back then, I wished she hadn't. It only drew more negative attention. All I wanted was to get through those tough years. I would come home a lot, look at pictures of myself as a child. And I'd be so mad because only then did I see that I wasn't an ugly kid. I was adorable. But, God clearly had favourites 'cause puberty did not do me any favours. If only I had grown up in a more modern time when no one gave a shit about looks. When people were outspoken about the cruelty that came with shaming someone for their looks. When people were more aware of the psychological damage that could do. Again, God had favourites. From years of my eyesight getting worse and needing a new pair of glasses every time I went to the eye doctor, I had thick-rimmed frames that made me look straight out of the 70s. And the lenses made my eyes look huge. I looked like Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys. My hair was bigger but full of split ends due to lack of giving a shit about it. I begged Mom to let me bleach it blonde. She always straight up refused. I had braces for a whole year which, yeah, many people had braces, but one time while answering a question in class, I drooled. And no one let me hear the end of it. And makeup wasn't something I really fucked with. I tried it once, safe and sound in my own bedroom, and it looked woeful. Instead of working to get better, I accepted defeat in that I would always be ugly. "I'm serious, girl. The foundation was so bad. And it was too dark." I ranted to Jujubee as we headed to the bus stop. I was trying to smoke my cigarette as fast as I could before getting there. Mom never knew, and what she didn't know couldn't kill her. Of course, I didn't just go into the store and buy them myself. Instead, I took one a day from my Grandpa's supply. "Girl, you gotta test it first." She pointed out, adjusting her bag straps. "Juju, I got the lightest colour they had. I don't fucking get it. Every other girl in the school uses it. Maybelline shouldn't sell this shit." "You just need to find a different brand." She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me closer, "OK, don't tell my Mom, but I tried some of her MAC shit the other day, and my skin looked fucking flawless." She let me go, took my cigarette from me, taking a toke herself. "Well, how am I supposed to get my hands on that?" I took the cig back. "I don't see any MAC stores around here." "Oh, yeah? Well, you know what your Other World self would do?" Jujubee's brow raised, a sweet grin appearing on her mischievous face. "She would say fuck school, hop on the next bus to Cleveland and go straight to the MAC store." Blowing out some smoke, I looked at her, "Well, Other World you wouldn't be encouraging that sort of behaviour." "No, she wouldn't 'cause she'd be the first on the bus." Jujubee countered. "And she'd start the sing-song." "Yeah, well other world me would out-sing you 'cause she's a star. She's a fucking diva, bitch. Mariah Carey has nothing on her." We were too caught up in our fantasy world; we almost missed the vehicle driving past us. Only when we saw the cackling faces of the boys at the back of the bus did realisation take over. We were going to miss the bus. "Fuck." I uttered, watching the guys still flipping us off as they moved further and further away. To make matters worse, a car pulled up beside us. And of fucking course, it was Trevor Preston, the Captain of the football team. His two sidekicks were in the

back seat, Logan and Noah. "Aw, look, guys. The geeks just missed the bus." Trevor fake whined. In these situations, I just shut down. I thought it was for the best at the time, but fuck, if I could go back and punch that guy. "You know what? Why don't you mind your own fucking business, Trevor?" Jujubee squinted her eyes at him. “Wow, little fiesty, Juju.” He continued, "How about this? We all say sorry, and we can both ride with us to school." 'Hell fucking no.' I thought. "Oh yeah? And what's the catch?" Jujubee raised a brow. "You let me feel your tits," Trevor smirked, his two cronies snickered. "Ah, there it is. I thought that was what your pea-sized brain would come up with." Jujubee nodded her head. "So, hey, Brianna," Trevor shifted his attention, "You're awfully quiet. Don't I at least get a hello?" I was still frozen, feeling my anxiety brewing within. "Dude, don't be so sensitive. You know, if she opens her mouth, she'll just drool all over herself." Logan added, the three axe wounds beginning to snicker again. I felt like I should have at least opened my mouth to prove them wrong, or maybe spit on Trevor's car. But still, I just stood there. "Trevor, if you don't fuck off right now, I'm gonna key your car." Jujubee threatened. "Juju." I tried to stop her. "Wouldn't even have the chance, sweetheart. Either of you bitches come near my car; you'll never walk the halls again." How gentleman-like, threatening two girls. Funny how our safety was the price to pay for a car. Oh, men. "Keep that in mind," Trevor concluded before driving away with dumb and dumber. "You didn't have to do that." I looked at Jujubee. "I'm sorry they're such assholes." She replied, taking my hand in hers. I shook it off, however. "No, I mean, I wish you wouldn't do that." Jujubee crossed her brows, "what? So I'm supposed to sit there and just take it? No fucking way." "I know. But," I paused, "they kinda scare me. You know?" "Brie, there's nothing more pathetic than a man sweating over the safety of his ride." She retook my hand, "Don't be afraid of a cunt like him." "I mean, I can try not to. But I can't make any promises." I shrugged. "Anyway, what's the plan? How are we supposed to get there on time?" Jujubee was silent for a moment before replying with, "my Mom?" Her Mom did end up giving us a ride, much to my dismay. I would have preferred to take the day off. Or better yet, to just fucking drop out altogether. But Jujubee was always there to reassure me - I adored that bitch. I would have fucking taken a bullet for her. I would like to say that it wasn't just Jujubee and me, that we had a group of more friends. But these guys, I never really counted them as friends. A year prior, we both decided to try and improve our social lives by joining a club. The only one that would accept us was the chess club. Every other member was a guy, and they were nerds. Not that Jujubee and I minded. However, the problem was that they only let us in because...well, do I even need to explain? "So, Brianna," Jimmy decided to approach me at the end of one session, licking his hand and sweeping his hair from his face. "Because I beat you twice today, what do I get?" "...Excuse me?" "My prize. What do I get??" He put an arm around my shoulders. I was puzzled, "Uh, you can have my chicken nuggets at lunch." His grin was beginning to disappear. "Oh, I was thinking of something else. A kiss, maybe?" I felt bad for doing it, but my fight or flight response told me to just run from the room. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but these guys were just on another level of thirst. And it wasn't just me who they flirted with. Jujubee had informed me of a time Arnold convinced her to make out with him. She was all for it until she realised how awful of a kisser he was. And as the boys became more desperate, we decided that we were better off alone. Again, I was so grateful for Jujubee. I was surprised she stuck around, considering she had seen me at my worst when we were still so young. How the fuck had she not developed

issues of her own? Jujubee was the number one reason I even found the strength to just get up in the morning, drag my ass to school, and do my work - Well, aside from wanting to get good grades so I could go to a good college. The second reason? Blair. Unlike me, she was thriving. Our lives were totally cliche - me being the kid who grew up to be the nerd who only speaks when it's to answer a question. And Blair, growing up to be the head cheerleader. And I was still very much in love with her. What a fucking cliche. I avoided Blair at all costs for several reasons;

differing social circles (in my case, lack of),

her boyfriend, who was the Captain of the soccer team and wasn't shy about giving me and Jujubee grief,

her friends,

and, of course, my massive crush on her.

So, why was Blair the second reason as to why I dragged myself to school? Her smile. That was enough. As much as I tried to avoid her, the world decided to do a big "fuck you" on me and sometimes put us into situations together. And every time, I'd be internally freaking out. The worst was when we were both 16. It was that time of the year when the school would invite someone to subject us to the most humiliating moment of our lives. How the fuck were you supposed to put a condom on a banana without bursting out laughing? How the fuck were you supposed to sit there and keep a straight face when the educator used words like 'flaps'? We filed into the class, Jujubee and me taking seats at the back of the room. We knew this was going to be hilarious, so best to avoid the attention of the teacher. "Juju, I know you are dying to make jokes during this, but I'm begging you. Please don't." I spoke quietly to her as other students filed in. "But you know I'm going to, right?" Jujubee smirked, putting her bag on the ground. "No. We wanna keep a low profile. If we laugh, we draw attention, and then we risk being singled out. You know? We'll be at the front of the class demonstrating whatever this bitch asks us." Obviously, I was referring to putting condoms on bananas and the like. Juju, however, raised a brow, "I wouldn't mind that, babe. Don't worry. We won't need to take our clothes off." I stared at her for a few seconds, unable to think of how to respond to that. Jujubee winked, and I forced myself to look away. "That's not what I meant." Blair strolled in with Denali and Rosé, already I could feel my stomach knotting. They went to sit together somewhere in the middle. "Ugh, nope. I don't think so, ladies." Ah, Miss Jaida Hall, if only I could have warned you not to say what you were about to say. Somehow Blair and the two others knew she was speaking to them. She continued, "This is an important class, and I'm not gonna have you all laughing and snickering during it." She had a point. The three girls usually whispered to each other in class, giggling about all sorts of shit. It was never anything malicious about the lesson or teachers, just inside jokes with each other, pretty harmless stuff. But it pissed the teachers off so much. "You can't be serious, right?" Denali replied, clearly scandalised. "Very serious, actually." Ms Hall nodded, "Denali, sit with Brian. Rosé, with Gigi. Blair, with Brianna." I grabbed Jujubee by the wrist, the pressure making her squeak. This wasn't happening. This wasn't happening. Blair was not rolling her eyes as she made her way to the back towards me. This was not fucking happening. As instructed, Jujubee stood up and let Blair sit down, moving to sit somewhere else. I was alone with the one person I tried my hardest to avoid. She slouched down in her chair, arms folded like she was already over it. I wanted so badly to ask if she was OK. But I couldn't bring myself to. And as the lights turned off and the sex-ed lady pressed play on the video player, I wished I had said something. As the way too enthusiastic narrator explained step by step the act of sexual intercourse, I tried hiding the blush on my face with my hair. I tried so hard to focus on what I was being taught. The truth was, I was still a virgin, as were many of the others in the room, I'm sure. But unlike them, I had no idea how sex worked. It wasn't something I ever gave time to think about. I felt a tapping on my hand. My body tensed as I glanced to the side. Blair was looking at the screen, then at me, then her fingers brushed against my hand. I stared back, unsure of what was happening but also knowing full well what she was doing. She leaned closer and pressed her lips on mine. … OK, that's not what happened. Life wasn't a movie. This was the beginning of the fantasies. Was I ashamed because I was thinking about Blair like that? Or was I ashamed that I enjoyed thinking of Blair like that? "This is ridiculous," Blair whispered. Was I supposed to say something back? "What do you mean?" I

whispered back. "Do they actually think we're that dumb? We all know how sex works. We don't need this stupid class." Blair rolled her eyes. I almost told her that I belonged to the small percentage that didn't know. But I stopped myself. I couldn't bear her knowing that information. Instead, I went with the awkward, "haha. Yeaaahhhh…" For the rest of the film, we sat in silence. Still trying to focus on the screen. Not the absolute stunner sitting next to me. And as if by magic, the video ended. I wanted to say I was relieved, but I couldn't lie; what I learned from the film left me nauseous. He puts his hoo-ha in her what, now?? "Well, that was really cool and hip, right?" The educator enthused. I cringed internally. No woman wearing a crucifix necklace and ankle-length skirt has the right to use words like 'cool' and 'hip'. "I know it's probably all so confusing. So that's why I'm here to answer any of your questions, dudes and dudettes." Already, one of the boys put a hand up. "Go ahead, homie." "What about the other hole?" He said with a straight face before his friends started laughing. He laughed back as he fired one of them. "You know. The back door?" Ms Hall shot him the 'look'. He was toast. The sex educator fixed her hair quite uncomfortable, "Well, there's a reason that is an out hole, young man. I warn all of you, do not go down that road. You will get aids and die. Now, does anybody else have a question?" The educator rambled, fixing her hair awkwardly. I heard the rustling of clothes beside me, and glancing around, Blair had her hand straight up in the air. "Yes, sweetheart?" Sex Ed lady pointed to her. "OK, so this is interesting and all, but I was just wondering, what about non-heterosexual sex?" Her brows knit for a moment. I looked around at her now. The breath caught in my throat. "I'm sorry?" Sex Ed lady asked. "You know. Man on man. Girl on girl. What about all of that?" Blair raised a brow. "I mean, you gotta know there's more than just heterosexual people out there. Maybe some even in this room right now." "Blair." Ms Hall began. "Because, if you disagree, then that's ridiculous. Oh, and if you think aids is some kind of death sentence, then you seriously need to educate yourself." Sex ed lady looked appalled, her Christian beliefs quite clearly threatened. "That's it. Get out." Ms Hall stood up. Blair huffed, pushing her seat back, lifted her bag and left the room, Ms Hall following behind. "OK. So, any other questions? Reasonable questions only, please." Jujubee was looking over her shoulder at me now, sharing the same expression I did. Thank God for lunch next period. Jujubee and I were hiding at the back of the school, in an alley between the building itself and the old workshops. The perfect hiding place for a smoke and to freak the fuck out about specific events. "Juju, she knows. She knows I'm a lesbian. She knows I like her." I paced. "I'm moving. That's it." I stopped. "But why would she speak up for me of all people? It doesn't make sense." My eyes widened. "Unless she's also a lesbian. I mean, that makes sense, right?" Jujubee had been sitting on the wall, patiently listening to my manic ramblings. The first few minutes, she was just as astounded. But the more I theorised, rambling on and on, she was over it. "I highly doubt that considering the boyfriend." "Then she must know. Why else would she say it? I highly doubt there are other gays in that class. Speaking of which, I had no idea lesbians could have sex like; how does that work. I'm gonna look into that somehow. But getting back to the point, if she did know, why would she speak out for me of all people?" My ramblings were non-stop. I tried my best to avoid Blair for the rest of the day, not that I could, considering we were both in the same last period. Blair's outburst was the talk of the school. I wasn't sure if it was a positive response or not. The only thing I did know was Trevor was pissed. "Brie, look." Jujubee tapped me. I turned from my locker and looked where everyone else seemed to be

looking. Just down the corridor, Trevor was standing over Blair, their conversation clearly heated. People were shamelessly moving closer, Jujubee following in their path. "Juju, don't," I whispered. But she didn't listen. I went after her as if it would stop her. "Trevor, this isn't that big of a deal," Blair said. "Not a big deal? Blair, do you know what the guys are saying? They think you're gonna dump me for a girl. Do you know how humiliating that is?" Trevor held a hand to his chest "And what if I did?" Blair challenged. The few people standing around cooed with excitement. "Oh, please. Don't get all cocky now that you have an audience." Trevor pointed. But Blair took a step closer to him. "What, 'cause you know you're the one who looks like an idiot? Maybe if you weren't so insecure, you'd know I would never do that to you." "Don't call me an idiot." Trevor lowered his tone, choosing purposely to ignore her reassurance. "Fine. But don't criticise me for a valid question I asked in a class you weren't even a part of. It's none of your business, no one's business for that matter." Blair bit back. "I can do what I want, Blair." "OK. Whatever." Blair brushed past him. Trevor quickly spun around, grabbing her arm. "No, we're not done having this conversation." My stomach twisted. "Let go of my arm, Trevor." Blair tugged, her voice cracking. Trevor did as was told now that the air was thick with tension, "We are not done talking," he stressed. Blair took a step back, "Yeah, we are, actually," and she turned to walk away. "If you walk away right now, we're finished." Trevor threatened. It was as if time was at a standstill, waiting for her reaction. But at the same time, it felt as though time was counting down. Like we were in a competition show. The contestant has to decide before time runs out, while the audience yells, 'DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!' No one was shouting, but you could feel everyone's excitement. Blair's lip curled upwards. "OK. Fine by me." And, finally, she walked off. The people were cooing with excitement again. "Shut up!" Trevor shouted. I grabbed Jujubee by the shoulder and ushered her back. Trevor kicked his locker, the thud echoing through the halls. That was the last straw. Knowing Trevor, he'd take his anger out on us. It was time to flee the scene. It was all Jujubee wanted to talk about for the rest of the day. Now I knew how she felt during my smoke break. But I couldn't blame her. The scene played in my head over and over again, leading to so many questions. Was there more to this breakup? Did he grab Blair like that all the time? What would happen now? Would she find a new guy? A girl, maybe? I came to the conclusion that Blair and Trevor's breakup was neither good nor bad. Bad because, as I said before, now he had more pent up anger from the humiliation of being so publicly dumped. Therefore, Jujubee and I would most likely be subject to more harassment. Good, because maybe Blair did like girls. Maybe there was still some little chance for us to be together. But if we were going to be together, there was one issue; I still had no fucking idea how lesbian sex worked. Cut to later that night, I'm in my room, sitting in front of my computer. I needed to distract myself from my thoughts of the breakup. While the scratchy dial-up tones emitted the machine, I psyched myself up. Even though I knew sex was normal to learn about at that age, it was still daunting. With shaky hands, I searched 'lesbian sex'. And fuck was it a mistake. What I wanted was educational articles, guides, etc. And what I got was porn. I watched all but a few minutes, all the painfully bad acting scenes that took place before the main event. Upon hearing the first moan, I clicked out as fast as I could. Looking behind me, Piggie was just playing with a stuffed animal on my bed. "You saw that, right?" He looked at me with perked ears. I still felt judged, so I opened my bedroom door and let him out. I needed to be exact. 'How do lesbians have sex?' And Brianna Caldwell was never the

same. My mind was opened that night. This was no mistake. This was a surprise. I couldn't look away from the computer screen, no matter how slow the Internet connection was. All of this information was all too much but not enough at the same time. And it made me feel less nauseated than I felt after watching that stupid video in class. And I built up the courage to go back to that porn site. And I watched every damn second. Then I watched another one. And another. And just one more 'cause why the fuck not? My bedroom door opened. "Brianna, I'm ordering - -" "Get out," I shouted, closing the site down like my life depended on it. But she stood there for a few seconds, eyes wide and hand still on the door frame. "Honey, are you - -" "Mom, oh my god. Can you just - -" I couldn't even form a proper sentence. She gave an apologetic look and closed the door. But she remained on the other side. "I just wanted you to know that I'm ordering pizza for Grandpa and me. Do you want some?" My forehead was in my hand now. "Yes." "What kind?" "Just…" I wanted to shout, "Pepperoni." And with that, she left. But that wasn't the end of it. When the food arrived, I waited a few minutes before going downstairs to grab a few slices. Grandpa was in the living room watching an old rerun of The A-Team. But she was there, in the kitchen, as if she was waiting for me. "Honey, look. I know you're getting to that age where you're curious about certain things and - -" "Mom, no. Please, don't do this." I whined. "I know. I know. I just wanted to let you know that this is natural, and…" she continued to deliver the same talk we all got in class. My eyes were wide, face red with humiliation. -_-_-_- 2020 I picked up a slice of pepperoni pizza, instantly reminded of the traumatic event. OK, maybe that was too strong of a word to use. But of course, you are going to dread the thought of that time your parent talked to you about sex. I walked into the living room, pizza slice in hand, trying not to dwell on the memory. "So, Brianna. Any update on the love life?" Tamisha asked. I loved that bitch; being one of Mom's closest friends, she was present for most of my life. But she always had a tendency to ask questions I wasn't up for answering. I took a bite from my pizza and answered with a full mouth, "dry." "Girl, you're almost 40." She continued. I was ready to challenge her because I was actually just 33 when Mom took her turn to speak. "Yeah, get yourself a man and make me a Grandma already." She wasn't serious. She knew I hated these types of talks, but that didn't stop her from encouraging the others. The funny thing about the time she caught me watching porn, she never clocked it was girl on girl. Of all the years I've been on this planet, I hadn't given her a clue that I was a lesbian. Would I ever tell her? I didn't see the point. From previous failed relationships and being too busy with my job, I wouldn't end up with someone anyway. But of course, I'd make an exception for a certain someone. Monét poured the first round of shots. I already knew I'd hate myself the next day. I wasn't drunk already. Just sort of buzzed. But that changed within an hour. I was hammered. Mom, Monét and all her friends were singing all the old songs in the living room. I was out in the kitchen, trying to drink 8 glasses of water. I only managed 3. Piggie ran in and put his paws up on my knee. "There he is. My baby. My fucking son." I slid down to the ground and let him sit in my lap. "How is your night going?" Just great, Brianna! Anyway, how about that Blair girl, huh? Piggie's non-existent voice said. "Oh yeah," my eyes narrowed. I unlocked my phone and opened up Facebook. And I bravely searched up her name. I say bravely because it does take some balls to go and stalk your crushes social media accounts. All it took to fuck everything up was the slip of a finger, and before you know it, you've liked a post or sent a friend request. "Let's do some digging, Piggie." I cuddled him. Immediately, she was the top result, with Jujubee

being the only mutual friend. "Yeah, girl. Infiltration." I commented as I clicked into her profile. And then her profile picture. "Holy shit." She hadn't aged. She still looked as young and radiant as she did back in high school. "What do you think, Piggie?" I showed him the screen. He glanced at it before tucking his head under his arms. The enthusiasm. I rolled my eyes. I looked at her info. 'Single'. Promising. Scrolling down to her timeline, I noticed she didn't post a lot. Fair enough. Facebook was becoming a dead site in recent years. There were just your average Facebook posts, sharing giveaway posts, a post from an old lady saying, 'Blair, this is Granny. Could you go to Walmart and get me some applesauce? Love granny xx', a shared post from a guy called George Miller. And my finger stopped scrolling upon seeing Blair holding a baby. "Oh God, we've encountered our first obstacle, Piggie," I whined. I clicked into the comments. That George Miller guy commented, 'congrats, Blair!' She replied, 'thank you, but she's my cousin's lol'. "Thank you, Jesus." I put my phone down for a moment to put my hand up to the good lord. I scrolled some more, seeing many inspirational quotes, a link to Adore You by Harry Styles. And a picture of her. With that George Miller guy. With his arms around her. Pressing a kiss to her temple. I could feel my heart sink the more I studied it. Yeah, I knew Blair and I were never meant to be anyway. But it was still upsetting. Relax. They could be friends. Yeah, that's right. Friends hold each other and act all affectionate, right?? I cuddle with Jujubee sometimes. That doesn't mean anything. Right? I needed evidence, just anything, to make it not true. I scrolled some more. There was a video, she was sitting on her sofa, with a girl playing the guitar sitting on the other end. "I've been running races on empty, Pour it up 'cause my cup so empty. Gotta make time for the real me. I've been running, I've been running on empty." And my nerves were settled again. I had only heard Blair sing a few times. She and her friends would pretend they were famous singers in early elementary years, and she'd always be the best. Then another time was in high school, at the winter talent show. I specifically remember it being A moment like this by Kelly Clarkson. It was unreal. 'Jujubee 💋💅🏽 is typing…' I clicked into Snapchat before she even had a chance to type the whole message. "Do you remember Jujubee?" I asked Piggie. Again, he was silent. 'I hope you're having fun, babe ❤ lv u'. "Thanks," was all I could manage to type. A shadow cast over me. I looked up to see Monét join me on the ground. "Hey, girl." She greeted me. "Hi, Aunt Monét." I smiled. Piggie hopped off my lap and onto hers. "Aunt Monét? Honey, you haven't called me that since middle school." She smiled. I returned the smile, only mine probably looking goofy. "I'm just wasted." "I noticed. No more shots for you anyway." She noted, taking a drink from her own bottle. "Anyway, how's the project?" "We got fucking Ed Sheeran involved." I then cursed myself internally for bringing it up. "I heard. Your Mom was telling me. Ugh, girl, why him? Why not someone like…" she paused to think, "like Beyonce. Or Lady Gaga." "OK, man-hater." I quipped, reaching over to pet Piggie. "Not true. Not all men are bad." Monét pointed out. "Speaking of which, when are you getting yourself one?" I could have given her the usual 'I don't have time for men's talk. But the alcohol said no. "Monét, I like girls." And I felt no shame in saying it. A moment of silence fell between us before she asked, "for real?" "Yeah." I nodded. "Does anyone else know?" "Yeah. Juju. And Piggie probably." I replied, leaving one more name out for the sole purpose I didn't want to get into that. "And Mom?" "Nope." She nodded. "I guess this is one of these aunty-niece confidentiality things?" "Uh-huh." I smiled. Bless Aunt Monét. "Well, no matter who you live, we still love you." She laughed for a moment before taking another drink. I knew

she was right. Maybe coming out to Mom wasn't such a bad idea. "You know what, Brianna?" She paused, "Grandpa would be so proud of you, right?" My smile slowly began to drop. Fuck, the touchy subject. "Oh, I...thanks." I thought the change in my mood was hard to miss, but Monét clearly had. "You and I ain't ever talked about him since...you know." "OK," I said quietly, feeling like my chest was a fist, beginning to clench tighter and tighter. "And sometimes, it's just good to look back on - -" "I gotta go." I quickly stood up, feeling the dark fog already come over me. I rushed from the room, my aunty calling my name and apologising. I avoided going into the living room, rushing up the stairs and racing for the bathroom. As soon as the door was locked, I let myself crumble, my face hidden beneath shaking hands, a cry clogged in my throat just begging to belt out. Mom would definitely hear it. I wasn't going to ruin her day. Absolutely not. Tags: rpdr fanfiction // s10 // as5 // miz cracker // jujubee // blair st clair // blair x cracker // denali foxx // rose // fluff // coming of age // hurt/comfort // lesbian au // highschool au // grinder // tw grief // tw homophobia [Cover image here] AN: Hey, guys! I hope yall are enjoying this fic so far! Throw me a like please if you do. TW for this chapter: Grief // Homophobia [read more] 2003 High School. The bane of my existence. Just as I thought elementary and middle school were terrible, High School really was something else. From my childhood therapy sessions, I learned to conceal my anger, avoid freakouts, and channel my emotions into other things. It was good for me, yeah. But it also made me a more reserved person. Things still made me angry, the other kids at school being a primary key to that. But I never defended myself. Ever. Of course, Jujubee always had my back. Only in later years did I learn to appreciate the times she'd yell at the other kids, telling them to fuck off and whatnot. But back then, I wished she hadn't. It only drew more negative attention. All I wanted was to get through those tough years. I would come home a lot, look at pictures of myself as a child. And I'd be so mad because only then did I see that I wasn't an ugly kid. I was adorable. But, God clearly had favourites 'cause puberty did not do me any favours. If only I had grown up in a more modern time when no one gave a shit about looks. When people were outspoken about the cruelty that came with shaming someone for their looks. When people were more aware of the psychological damage that could do. Again, God had favourites. From years of my eyesight getting worse and needing a new pair of glasses every time I went to the eye doctor, I had thick-rimmed frames that made me look straight out of the 70s. And the lenses made my eyes look huge. I looked like Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys. My hair was bigger but full of split ends due to lack of giving a shit about it. I begged Mom to let me bleach it blonde. She always straight up refused. I had braces for a whole year which, yeah, many people had braces, but one time while answering a question in class, I drooled. And no one let me hear the end of it. And makeup wasn't something I really fucked with. I tried it once, safe and sound in my own bedroom, and it looked woeful. Instead of working to get better, I accepted defeat in that I would always be ugly. "I'm serious, girl. The foundation was so bad. And it was too dark." I ranted to Jujubee as we headed to the bus stop. I was trying to smoke my cigarette as fast as I could before getting there. Mom never knew, and what she didn't know couldn't kill her. Of course, I didn't just go into the store and buy them myself. Instead, I took one a day from my Grandpa's supply. "Girl, you gotta test it first." She pointed out, adjusting her bag straps. "Juju, I got the lightest colour they had. I don't fucking get it. Every other girl in the school uses it. Maybelline shouldn't sell this shit." "You just need to find a different brand." She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me

closer, "OK, don't tell my Mom, but I tried some of her MAC shit the other day, and my skin looked fucking flawless." She let me go, took my cigarette from me, taking a toke herself. "Well, how am I supposed to get my hands on that?" I took the cig back. "I don't see any MAC stores around here." "Oh, yeah? Well, you know what your Other World self would do?" Jujubee's brow raised, a sweet grin appearing on her mischievous face. "She would say fuck school, hop on the next bus to Cleveland and go straight to the MAC store." Blowing out some smoke, I looked at her, "Well, Other World you wouldn't be encouraging that sort of behaviour." "No, she wouldn't 'cause she'd be the first on the bus." Jujubee countered. "And she'd start the sing-song." "Yeah, well other world me would out-sing you 'cause she's a star. She's a fucking diva, bitch. Mariah Carey has nothing on her." We were too caught up in our fantasy world; we almost missed the vehicle driving past us. Only when we saw the cackling faces of the boys at the back of the bus did realisation take over. We were going to miss the bus. "Fuck." I uttered, watching the guys still flipping us off as they moved further and further away. To make matters worse, a car pulled up beside us. And of fucking course, it was Trevor Preston, the Captain of the football team. His two sidekicks were in the back seat, Logan and Noah. "Aw, look, guys. The geeks just missed the bus." Trevor fake whined. In these situations, I just shut down. I thought it was for the best at the time, but fuck, if I could go back and punch that guy. "You know what? Why don't you mind your own fucking business, Trevor?" Jujubee squinted her eyes at him. “Wow, little fiesty, Juju.” He continued, "How about this? We all say sorry, and we can both ride with us to school." 'Hell fucking no.' I thought. "Oh yeah? And what's the catch?" Jujubee raised a brow. "You let me feel your tits," Trevor smirked, his two cronies snickered. "Ah, there it is. I thought that was what your pea-sized brain would come up with." Jujubee nodded her head. "So, hey, Brianna," Trevor shifted his attention, "You're awfully quiet. Don't I at least get a hello?" I was still frozen, feeling my anxiety brewing within. "Dude, don't be so sensitive. You know, if she opens her mouth, she'll just drool all over herself." Logan added, the three axe wounds beginning to snicker again. I felt like I should have at least opened my mouth to prove them wrong, or maybe spit on Trevor's car. But still, I just stood there. "Trevor, if you don't fuck off right now, I'm gonna key your car." Jujubee threatened. "Juju." I tried to stop her. "Wouldn't even have the chance, sweetheart. Either of you bitches come near my car; you'll never walk the halls again." How gentleman-like, threatening two girls. Funny how our safety was the price to pay for a car. Oh, men. "Keep that in mind," Trevor concluded before driving away with dumb and dumber. "You didn't have to do that." I looked at Jujubee. "I'm sorry they're such assholes." She replied, taking my hand in hers. I shook it off, however. "No, I mean, I wish you wouldn't do that." Jujubee crossed her brows, "what? So I'm supposed to sit there and just take it? No fucking way." "I know. But," I paused, "they kinda scare me. You know?" "Brie, there's nothing more pathetic than a man sweating over the safety of his ride." She retook my hand, "Don't be afraid of a cunt like him." "I mean, I can try not to. But I can't make any promises." I shrugged. "Anyway, what's the plan? How are we supposed to get there on time?" Jujubee was silent for a moment before replying with, "my Mom?" Her Mom did end up giving us a ride, much to my dismay. I would have preferred to take the day off. Or better yet, to just fucking drop out altogether. But Jujubee was always there to reassure me - I adored that bitch. I would have fucking taken a bullet for her. I would like to say that it wasn't just Jujubee and me, that we had a group of more friends. But these guys, I never really counted them as

friends. A year prior, we both decided to try and improve our social lives by joining a club. The only one that would accept us was the chess club. Every other member was a guy, and they were nerds. Not that Jujubee and I minded. However, the problem was that they only let us in because...well, do I even need to explain? "So, Brianna," Jimmy decided to approach me at the end of one session, licking his hand and sweeping his hair from his face. "Because I beat you twice today, what do I get?" "...Excuse me?" "My prize. What do I get??" He put an arm around my shoulders. I was puzzled, "Uh, you can have my chicken nuggets at lunch." His grin was beginning to disappear. "Oh, I was thinking of something else. A kiss, maybe?" I felt bad for doing it, but my fight or flight response told me to just run from the room. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, but these guys were just on another level of thirst. And it wasn't just me who they flirted with. Jujubee had informed me of a time Arnold convinced her to make out with him. She was all for it until she realised how awful of a kisser he was. And as the boys became more desperate, we decided that we were better off alone. Again, I was so grateful for Jujubee. I was surprised she stuck around, considering she had seen me at my worst when we were still so young. How the fuck had she not developed issues of her own? Jujubee was the number one reason I even found the strength to just get up in the morning, drag my ass to school, and do my work - Well, aside from wanting to get good grades so I could go to a good college. The second reason? Blair. Unlike me, she was thriving. Our lives were totally cliche - me being the kid who grew up to be the nerd who only speaks when it's to answer a question. And Blair, growing up to be the head cheerleader. And I was still very much in love with her. What a fucking cliche. I avoided Blair at all costs for several reasons;

differing social circles (in my case, lack of),

her boyfriend, who was the Captain of the soccer team and wasn't shy about giving me and Jujubee grief,

her friends,

and, of course, my massive crush on her.

So, why was Blair the second reason as to why I dragged myself to school? Her smile. That was enough. As much as I tried to avoid her, the world decided to do a big "fuck you" on me and sometimes put us into situations together. And every time, I'd be internally freaking out. The worst was when we were both 16. It was that time of the year when the school would invite someone to subject us to the most humiliating moment of our lives. How the fuck were you supposed to put a condom on a banana without bursting out laughing? How the fuck were you supposed to sit there and keep a straight face when the educator used words like 'flaps'? We filed into the class, Jujubee and me taking seats at the back of the room. We knew this was going to be hilarious, so best to avoid the attention of the teacher. "Juju, I know you are dying to make jokes during this, but I'm begging you. Please don't." I spoke quietly to her as other students filed in. "But you know I'm going to, right?" Jujubee smirked, putting her bag on the ground. "No. We wanna keep a low profile. If we laugh, we draw attention, and then we risk being singled out. You know? We'll be at the front of the class demonstrating whatever this bitch asks us." Obviously, I was referring to putting condoms on bananas and the like. Juju, however, raised a brow, "I wouldn't mind that, babe. Don't worry. We won't need to take our clothes off." I stared at her for a few seconds, unable to think of how to respond to that. Jujubee winked, and I forced myself to look away. "That's not what I meant." Blair strolled in with Denali and Rosé, already I could feel my stomach knotting. They went to sit together somewhere in the middle. "Ugh, nope. I don't think so, ladies." Ah, Miss Jaida Hall, if only I could have warned you not to say what you were about to say. Somehow Blair and the two others knew she was speaking to them. She continued, "This is an important class, and I'm not gonna have you all laughing and snickering during it." She had a point. The three girls usually whispered to each other in class, giggling about all sorts of shit. It was never anything malicious about the lesson or teachers, just inside jokes with each other, pretty harmless stuff. But it pissed the teachers off so much. "You can't be serious, right?" Denali replied, clearly scandalised. "Very serious, actually." Ms Hall nodded, "Denali, sit with Brian. Rosé, with Gigi. Blair, with Brianna." I grabbed Jujubee by the wrist, the pressure making her squeak. This wasn't happening. This wasn't happening. Blair was not rolling her eyes as she made her way to the back towards me. This was not fucking happening. As instructed, Jujubee stood up and let Blair sit down, moving to sit somewhere else. I was alone with the one person I tried my hardest to avoid. She slouched down in her chair, arms folded like she was already over it. I wanted so badly to ask if she was OK. But I couldn't bring myself to. And as the lights turned off and the sex-ed lady pressed play on the video player, I wished I had said something. As the way too enthusiastic narrator explained step by step the act of sexual intercourse, I tried hiding the blush on my face with my hair. I tried so hard to focus on what I was being taught. The truth was, I was still a virgin, as were many of the others in the room, I'm sure. But unlike them, I had no idea how sex worked. It wasn't something I ever gave time to think about. I felt a tapping on my hand. My body tensed as I glanced to the side. Blair was looking at the screen, then at me, then her fingers brushed against my hand. I stared back, unsure of what was happening but also knowing full well what she was doing. She leaned closer and pressed her lips on mine. … OK, that's not what happened. Life wasn't a movie. This was the beginning of the fantasies. Was I ashamed because I was thinking about Blair like that? Or was I ashamed that I enjoyed thinking of Blair like that? "This is ridiculous," Blair whispered. Was I supposed to say something back? "What do you mean?" I

whispered back. "Do they actually think we're that dumb? We all know how sex works. We don't need this stupid class." Blair rolled her eyes. I almost told her that I belonged to the small percentage that didn't know. But I stopped myself. I couldn't bear her knowing that information. Instead, I went with the awkward, "haha. Yeaaahhhh…" For the rest of the film, we sat in silence. Still trying to focus on the screen. Not the absolute stunner sitting next to me. And as if by magic, the video ended. I wanted to say I was relieved, but I couldn't lie; what I learned from the film left me nauseous. He puts his hoo-ha in her what, now?? "Well, that was really cool and hip, right?" The educator enthused. I cringed internally. No woman wearing a crucifix necklace and ankle-length skirt has the right to use words like 'cool' and 'hip'. "I know it's probably all so confusing. So that's why I'm here to answer any of your questions, dudes and dudettes." Already, one of the boys put a hand up. "Go ahead, homie." "What about the other hole?" He said with a straight face before his friends started laughing. He laughed back as he fired one of them. "You know. The back door?" Ms Hall shot him the 'look'. He was toast. The sex educator fixed her hair quite uncomfortable, "Well, there's a reason that is an out hole, young man. I warn all of you, do not go down that road. You will get aids and die. Now, does anybody else have a question?" The educator rambled, fixing her hair awkwardly. I heard the rustling of clothes beside me, and glancing around, Blair had her hand straight up in the air. "Yes, sweetheart?" Sex Ed lady pointed to her. "OK, so this is interesting and all, but I was just wondering, what about non-heterosexual sex?" Her brows knit for a moment. I looked around at her now. The breath caught in my throat. "I'm sorry?" Sex Ed lady asked. "You know. Man on man. Girl on girl. What about all of that?" Blair raised a brow. "I mean, you gotta know there's more than just heterosexual people out there. Maybe some even in this room right now." "Blair." Ms Hall began. "Because, if you disagree, then that's ridiculous. Oh, and if you think aids is some kind of death sentence, then you seriously need to educate yourself." Sex ed lady looked appalled, her Christian beliefs quite clearly threatened. "That's it. Get out." Ms Hall stood up. Blair huffed, pushing her seat back, lifted her bag and left the room, Ms Hall following behind. "OK. So, any other questions? Reasonable questions only, please." Jujubee was looking over her shoulder at me now, sharing the same expression I did. Thank God for lunch next period. Jujubee and I were hiding at the back of the school, in an alley between the building itself and the old workshops. The perfect hiding place for a smoke and to freak the fuck out about specific events. "Juju, she knows. She knows I'm a lesbian. She knows I like her." I paced. "I'm moving. That's it." I stopped. "But why would she speak up for me of all people? It doesn't make sense." My eyes widened. "Unless she's also a lesbian. I mean, that makes sense, right?" Jujubee had been sitting on the wall, patiently listening to my manic ramblings. The first few minutes, she was just as astounded. But the more I theorised, rambling on and on, she was over it. "I highly doubt that considering the boyfriend." "Then she must know. Why else would she say it? I highly doubt there are other gays in that class. Speaking of which, I had no idea lesbians could have sex like; how does that work. I'm gonna look into that somehow. But getting back to the point, if she did know, why would she speak out for me of all people?" My ramblings were non-stop. I tried my best to avoid Blair for the rest of the day, not that I could, considering we were both in the same last period. Blair's outburst was the talk of the school. I wasn't sure if it was a positive response or not. The only thing I did know was Trevor was pissed. "Brie, look." Jujubee tapped me. I turned from my locker and looked where everyone else seemed to be

looking. Just down the corridor, Trevor was standing over Blair, their conversation clearly heated. People were shamelessly moving closer, Jujubee following in their path. "Juju, don't," I whispered. But she didn't listen. I went after her as if it would stop her. "Trevor, this isn't that big of a deal," Blair said. "Not a big deal? Blair, do you know what the guys are saying? They think you're gonna dump me for a girl. Do you know how humiliating that is?" Trevor held a hand to his chest "And what if I did?" Blair challenged. The few people standing around cooed with excitement. "Oh, please. Don't get all cocky now that you have an audience." Trevor pointed. But Blair took a step closer to him. "What, 'cause you know you're the one who looks like an idiot? Maybe if you weren't so insecure, you'd know I would never do that to you." "Don't call me an idiot." Trevor lowered his tone, choosing purposely to ignore her reassurance. "Fine. But don't criticise me for a valid question I asked in a class you weren't even a part of. It's none of your business, no one's business for that matter." Blair bit back. "I can do what I want, Blair." "OK. Whatever." Blair brushed past him. Trevor quickly spun around, grabbing her arm. "No, we're not done having this conversation." My stomach twisted. "Let go of my arm, Trevor." Blair tugged, her voice cracking. Trevor did as was told now that the air was thick with tension, "We are not done talking," he stressed. Blair took a step back, "Yeah, we are, actually," and she turned to walk away. "If you walk away right now, we're finished." Trevor threatened. It was as if time was at a standstill, waiting for her reaction. But at the same time, it felt as though time was counting down. Like we were in a competition show. The contestant has to decide before time runs out, while the audience yells, 'DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!' No one was shouting, but you could feel everyone's excitement. Blair's lip curled upwards. "OK. Fine by me." And, finally, she walked off. The people were cooing with excitement again. "Shut up!" Trevor shouted. I grabbed Jujubee by the shoulder and ushered her back. Trevor kicked his locker, the thud echoing through the halls. That was the last straw. Knowing Trevor, he'd take his anger out on us. It was time to flee the scene. It was all Jujubee wanted to talk about for the rest of the day. Now I knew how she felt during my smoke break. But I couldn't blame her. The scene played in my head over and over again, leading to so many questions. Was there more to this breakup? Did he grab Blair like that all the time? What would happen now? Would she find a new guy? A girl, maybe? I came to the conclusion that Blair and Trevor's breakup was neither good nor bad. Bad because, as I said before, now he had more pent up anger from the humiliation of being so publicly dumped. Therefore, Jujubee and I would most likely be subject to more harassment. Good, because maybe Blair did like girls. Maybe there was still some little chance for us to be together. But if we were going to be together, there was one issue; I still had no fucking idea how lesbian sex worked. Cut to later that night, I'm in my room, sitting in front of my computer. I needed to distract myself from my thoughts of the breakup. While the scratchy dial-up tones emitted the machine, I psyched myself up. Even though I knew sex was normal to learn about at that age, it was still daunting. With shaky hands, I searched 'lesbian sex'. And fuck was it a mistake. What I wanted was educational articles, guides, etc. And what I got was porn. I watched all but a few minutes, all the painfully bad acting scenes that took place before the main event. Upon hearing the first moan, I clicked out as fast as I could. Looking behind me, Piggie was just playing with a stuffed animal on my bed. "You saw that, right?" He looked at me with perked ears. I still felt judged, so I opened my bedroom door and let him out. I needed to be exact. 'How do lesbians have sex?' And Brianna Caldwell was never the

same. My mind was opened that night. This was no mistake. This was a surprise. I couldn't look away from the computer screen, no matter how slow the Internet connection was. All of this information was all too much but not enough at the same time. And it made me feel less nauseated than I felt after watching that stupid video in class. And I built up the courage to go back to that porn site. And I watched every damn second. Then I watched another one. And another. And just one more 'cause why the fuck not? My bedroom door opened. "Brianna, I'm ordering - -" "Get out," I shouted, closing the site down like my life depended on it. But she stood there for a few seconds, eyes wide and hand still on the door frame. "Honey, are you - -" "Mom, oh my god. Can you just - -" I couldn't even form a proper sentence. She gave an apologetic look and closed the door. But she remained on the other side. "I just wanted you to know that I'm ordering pizza for Grandpa and me. Do you want some?" My forehead was in my hand now. "Yes." "What kind?" "Just…" I wanted to shout, "Pepperoni." And with that, she left. But that wasn't the end of it. When the food arrived, I waited a few minutes before going downstairs to grab a few slices. Grandpa was in the living room watching an old rerun of The A-Team. But she was there, in the kitchen, as if she was waiting for me. "Honey, look. I know you're getting to that age where you're curious about certain things and - -" "Mom, no. Please, don't do this." I whined. "I know. I know. I just wanted to let you know that this is natural, and…" she continued to deliver the same talk we all got in class. My eyes were wide, face red with humiliation. -_-_-_- 2020 I picked up a slice of pepperoni pizza, instantly reminded of the traumatic event. OK, maybe that was too strong of a word to use. But of course, you are going to dread the thought of that time your parent talked to you about sex. I walked into the living room, pizza slice in hand, trying not to dwell on the memory. "So, Brianna. Any update on the love life?" Tamisha asked. I loved that bitch; being one of Mom's closest friends, she was present for most of my life. But she always had a tendency to ask questions I wasn't up for answering. I took a bite from my pizza and answered with a full mouth, "dry." "Girl, you're almost 40." She continued. I was ready to challenge her because I was actually just 33 when Mom took her turn to speak. "Yeah, get yourself a man and make me a Grandma already." She wasn't serious. She knew I hated these types of talks, but that didn't stop her from encouraging the others. The funny thing about the time she caught me watching porn, she never clocked it was girl on girl. Of all the years I've been on this planet, I hadn't given her a clue that I was a lesbian. Would I ever tell her? I didn't see the point. From previous failed relationships and being too busy with my job, I wouldn't end up with someone anyway. But of course, I'd make an exception for a certain someone. Monét poured the first round of shots. I already knew I'd hate myself the next day. I wasn't drunk already. Just sort of buzzed. But that changed within an hour. I was hammered. Mom, Monét and all her friends were singing all the old songs in the living room. I was out in the kitchen, trying to drink 8 glasses of water. I only managed 3. Piggie ran in and put his paws up on my knee. "There he is. My baby. My fucking son." I slid down to the ground and let him sit in my lap. "How is your night going?" Just great, Brianna! Anyway, how about that Blair girl, huh? Piggie's non-existent voice said. "Oh yeah," my eyes narrowed. I unlocked my phone and opened up Facebook. And I bravely searched up her name. I say bravely because it does take some balls to go and stalk your crushes social media accounts. All it took to fuck everything up was the slip of a finger, and before you know it, you've liked a post or sent a friend request. "Let's do some digging, Piggie." I cuddled him. Immediately, she was the top result, with Jujubee

being the only mutual friend. "Yeah, girl. Infiltration." I commented as I clicked into her profile. And then her profile picture. "Holy shit." She hadn't aged. She still looked as young and radiant as she did back in high school. "What do you think, Piggie?" I showed him the screen. He glanced at it before tucking his head under his arms. The enthusiasm. I rolled my eyes. I looked at her info. 'Single'. Promising. Scrolling down to her timeline, I noticed she didn't post a lot. Fair enough. Facebook was becoming a dead site in recent years. There were just your average Facebook posts, sharing giveaway posts, a post from an old lady saying, 'Blair, this is Granny. Could you go to Walmart and get me some applesauce? Love granny xx', a shared post from a guy called George Miller. And my finger stopped scrolling upon seeing Blair holding a baby. "Oh God, we've encountered our first obstacle, Piggie," I whined. I clicked into the comments. That George Miller guy commented, 'congrats, Blair!' She replied, 'thank you, but she's my cousin's lol'. "Thank you, Jesus." I put my phone down for a moment to put my hand up to the good lord. I scrolled some more, seeing many inspirational quotes, a link to Adore You by Harry Styles. And a picture of her. With that George Miller guy. With his arms around her. Pressing a kiss to her temple. I could feel my heart sink the more I studied it. Yeah, I knew Blair and I were never meant to be anyway. But it was still upsetting. Relax. They could be friends. Yeah, that's right. Friends hold each other and act all affectionate, right?? I cuddle with Jujubee sometimes. That doesn't mean anything. Right? I needed evidence, just anything, to make it not true. I scrolled some more. There was a video, she was sitting on her sofa, with a girl playing the guitar sitting on the other end. "I've been running races on empty, Pour it up 'cause my cup so empty. Gotta make time for the real me. I've been running, I've been running on empty." And my nerves were settled again. I had only heard Blair sing a few times. She and her friends would pretend they were famous singers in early elementary years, and she'd always be the best. Then another time was in high school, at the winter talent show. I specifically remember it being A moment like this by Kelly Clarkson. It was unreal. 'Jujubee 💋💅🏽 is typing…' I clicked into Snapchat before she even had a chance to type the whole message. "Do you remember Jujubee?" I asked Piggie. Again, he was silent. 'I hope you're having fun, babe ❤ lv u'. "Thanks," was all I could manage to type. A shadow cast over me. I looked up to see Monét join me on the ground. "Hey, girl." She greeted me. "Hi, Aunt Monét." I smiled. Piggie hopped off my lap and onto hers. "Aunt Monét? Honey, you haven't called me that since middle school." She smiled. I returned the smile, only mine probably looking goofy. "I'm just wasted." "I noticed. No more shots for you anyway." She noted, taking a drink from her own bottle. "Anyway, how's the project?" "We got fucking Ed Sheeran involved." I then cursed myself internally for bringing it up. "I heard. Your Mom was telling me. Ugh, girl, why him? Why not someone like…" she paused to think, "like Beyonce. Or Lady Gaga." "OK, man-hater." I quipped, reaching over to pet Piggie. "Not true. Not all men are bad." Monét pointed out. "Speaking of which, when are you getting yourself one?" I could have given her the usual 'I don't have time for men's talk. But the alcohol said no. "Monét, I like girls." And I felt no shame in saying it. A moment of silence fell between us before she asked, "for real?" "Yeah." I nodded. "Does anyone else know?" "Yeah. Juju. And Piggie probably." I replied, leaving one more name out for the sole purpose I didn't want to get into that. "And Mom?" "Nope." She nodded. "I guess this is one of these aunty-niece confidentiality things?" "Uh-huh." I smiled. Bless Aunt Monét. "Well, no matter who you live, we still love you." She laughed for a moment before taking another drink. I knew

she was right. Maybe coming out to Mom wasn't such a bad idea. "You know what, Brianna?" She paused, "Grandpa would be so proud of you, right?" My smile slowly began to drop. Fuck, the touchy subject. "Oh, I...thanks." I thought the change in my mood was hard to miss, but Monét clearly had. "You and I ain't ever talked about him since...you know." "OK," I said quietly, feeling like my chest was a fist, beginning to clench tighter and tighter. "And sometimes, it's just good to look back on - -" "I gotta go." I quickly stood up, feeling the dark fog already come over me. I rushed from the room, my aunty calling my name and apologising. I avoided going into the living room, rushing up the stairs and racing for the bathroom. As soon as the door was locked, I let myself crumble, my face hidden beneath shaking hands, a cry clogged in my throat just begging to belt out. Mom would definitely hear it. I wasn't going to ruin her day. Absolutely not.

You need to pick a story and stick to it. First not only did you add more attention to this matter. You blamed Lottie Wells for posting up your child's number when you did the same thing too. I just had to hide all the numbers. So practice what you preach. All of this stupid ass drama because your meddling ass daughter was inserting herself in drama that did not involve her for someone liking a photo of another guy. A real man won't be insecure about his relationship he can trust his lady. She can have friends of whoever but she kindly liked a photo.

Anyways--if you would of seen the comments that Nettie said on our page about Jennifer because she liked a photo you would just shake your head. In her own way she pretty much called this girl a hoe. And even said "Let the kids be kids." Meaning allowing her daughter who is 18 and not a kid meddle in a feud that doesn't involve her. One of the admins couldn't take it and banned her. She was just taking it to another level. So Lottie Smith had nothing to do with any of this beef. Lottie had accidentally liked a post about Nettie and she unliked it. A follower saw it and called out Lottie on it and Lottie defended herself and just said I swear it was an accident and others instigated and tried to come for Lottie S. So Nettie saw the comment and that set her off. Lottie had NOTHING to do with it. Wanna know what's so upsetting? Is for the first time ever I finally see all the stress and bullshit Nettie has put onto other people. We judged the fuck out of Sissy for being with Bruce at 15 and Nettie would come dogging them for it but had Chasitie dating or hooking up with Bill Broadway Jr. and she was the same age as Sissy. I made myself and the page look so one-sided and I'm so sorry for that.

I blasted all of Kayla and Annie's business while I made Nettie look like a rose. Again, she can push whatever narrative she chooses to but at the end of the day the ONLY time Lottie has made herself known was whenever she was mentioned. Anything she said about Nettie she did it right on the page or on her own account. She steadily had to stand up for herself because Nettie had a good amount of followers that automatically took her side and that girl did her best not to say much but I finally see what she has put others through because now I am going through it myself. She'll talk how Kayla's kids dress but let's be real her girls dressed the same way. 🙄 Back to the main issue though. Lottie Wells did not know whose phone number that was. She should of got on Chasitie for calling Lottie Wells on her 10 year old daughter's phone. How the fuck was Lottie Wells suppose to know who's number that was. She was trying to prove a point that your daughter called her she never called your daughter. Lottie had left her number for Kayla & Annie to call her on and Chasitie called her. Then Nettie texts me and pretty much wanted me to say on there that Lottie Wells body shamed her and she deactivated her account. Nope! That's complete bullshit. I got screenshots of Saul and Chasitie going at it and Saul was talking mad shit on her weight and the girl held her own. Chasitie deactivated her account because she got caught saying n*gger lover and her damn mama didn't say a damn thing and when Lottie asked did she call her a n-lover I heard Nettie's flat out say "So what!" So stop with the lies and manipulation.

As for your son and Lottie, why can't you just let them be a family and let this shit go? Would you allow your mother in law do that to you? Bet you won't. You're telling your son you're gonna stop and you keep on going. They both love each other to death and you know your son loves you too. Everyone saw how she held it down for your son while he was away. And to allow someone to share a screenshot from her pregnancy involving someone who just passed away was evil. And you even knew how hurt your son was when he found that shit out. Like I just don't understand how come you just can't get along with her. Then to put that shit on me saying that you heard me and Lottie are best friends was such a manipulation tactic that I could of punched you in the throat if you were in front of me. I always defended you before anyone else. But you know what unlike you. At least when she did reach out to me she always asked me how I was. You not ONCE did that to me. It was only your drama and what you wanted me to know to post to build your army of brainwashed twits. You only think of yourself and how and what you can do to use someone. I learned the biggest lesson of my life and I want to thank you because I will never ever trust a snake again. Slither back into your hole and be bitter by your damn self.

Love Always,

Ex-Brainwashed Twit 🖕🏾😘

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [okay so we said that JJ have gone to get the PE shit and are casually having a 🚬 and the teacher is like go see what the hold up is and Ella volunteers cos 1000% that bitch and she of course starts a vague rumour about them being saucy with it] Janis: are the boys saying shit Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Janis: fuck's sake Janis: right, how do you wanna deal from your end Janis: 'cos you can say shit or you can slag me off like you'd never, either way, your move, new boy Jimmy: how do you want me to? Jimmy: I could give a shit what gets said about me Janis: alright, just say nothing then Janis: I'll deck her Jimmy: 👍 Janis: hardly Jimmy: nowt close to a challenge my end Jimmy: and it ain't like you'll have one flooring her Janis: still can't get her to take it back Janis: have to force feed her or some shit for that Jimmy: and what? you've got a missus waiting at home that'll be 💔 you were at it with someone else in the sport's cupboard? Janis: Fuck off Janis: if I've got to explain sexism to you then cba Janis: no one's chatting shit on your name like they are mine Jimmy: I bet lasses are, 'cause I shouldn't have touched you with a barge pole or some bollocks Jimmy: hang on, I'll check Jimmy: [DMs] Janis: and what? Janis: I didn't start it, take it up with Blondie Jimmy: I don't care what any dickhead in this shithole reckons, it's your problem if you do Jimmy: that's what Janis: Don't need your groundbreaking hot take to know that, tah Jimmy: stop whinging at me then, tah Janis: I ain't, do one Janis: I was checking you weren't making it worse for me, that's it Jimmy: job done Jimmy: and there'll be a new #scandal tomorrow so no need to check in with me again Janis: you reckon, new boy? Janis: you'll be lucky if another kid joins before you leave yourself Jimmy: I'll be leaving myself soon as Jimmy: you'll be lucky if it ain't you and 👑💀 stuck doing the project Janis: mistaking me for the bitch that cares about her A Jimmy: nah, I weren't Jimmy: the 😎 ain't prescription Janis: i'd get her to spread that it is Janis: don't wanna shout about how that look is a choice Jimmy: you ain't that bad that I feel the need, looks wise at least Janis: great Jimmy: any road, my brother's deaf, if I start spreading that shit about they'll be asking my sister if she's got a fake leg or some bollocks Jimmy: be a bit rude to her Janis: I'm not gonna chat shit on your unfortunate genetics, don't worry Janis: can't rival mine anyway Jimmy: @iantaylor8 if you wanna have a go Janis: unless he has his own law firm, I'm not bothered Jimmy: 💔 for him Janis: obviously, we had a great time amongst the unwashed bibs and muddy footballs Jimmy: surprised she could get the door open Jimmy: 💀💪 Janis: got that burst of adrenaline knowing she'd get extra treats from her master for it Janis: could've been in there alone, obviously helps other people give more of a fuck that it was you Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: so yeah, it is your fault, cheers Jimmy: didn't send myself or force you to have that 🚬 off me, mate Janis: not my go-to defense story Janis: crying rape might seem kinda cute but I'm alright Jimmy: funny Jimmy: you ain't that cute I NEED to fuck you mid P.E Janis: oh no Janis: let me go cry into the nearest 🏀 Jimmy: the mats would be a better shout, they've managed all that 💦 Janis: oh yeah, bring up the mats Janis: not heard enough about what a romantic setting they are Jimmy: soz, next time I'll assault you in the 🚽 Janis: even better Janis: I'll just stay in there and set up shop Jimmy: 💕 Janis: should've picked an option with a racket Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: work too, fair heft behind that Jimmy: bit of class an' all Jimmy: rich girl won't have nowt to whinge about Janis: 'cos I've proved well classy Jimmy: will do with a full orchestra behind your rampage Janis: I'll find a music nerd in these DMs Jimmy: 🥇💡 Janis: beats Mia suing me 'cos I killed her girlfriend Jimmy: another'd spawn from Mia's rib or some bollocks Jimmy: she'd be alright Jimmy: if she don't regurgitate one like a 🐍 jaw unhinged Janis: 🐑 don't baa on the way out, new boy Janis: ask my sister Jimmy: You're alright, I'd rather not talk to her Janis: wow Janis: same Jimmy: 😱😱😱 OMG Jimmy: no wonder every dickhead thinks we're love's young dream Janis: yeah, she's SUCH a delight, everyone else 💘s her Jimmy: obvs Janis: you're new, so I'll let you off for not being up enough on the gossip this once Jimmy: tah Jimmy: so generous, you Janis: apparently so Jimmy: go on, what do you want me to do Janis: ? Jimmy: you're that 💔 Janis: you can't do fuck all Janis: even if I were Jimmy: Why can't I? Janis: what's to do Janis: they chat shit 'cos they got none of their own Janis: none as interesting as what they wanna gob off about anyway Jimmy: I dunno, that's why I asked Jimmy: but alright Janis: just forget about it 'til they do, like you said Jimmy: nowt to bother remembering Janis: not a diss, just factual so Janis: yeah Jimmy: bet Ella counts her 🚬 Janis: easier habit to hide when you have to brush your teeth at least ten times a day Jimmy: got something else to blame when they go yellow and fall out an' all Janis: set of falsies is the way to go Janis: off and on again whenever you need to purge Janis: I'll float it Jimmy: shame she don't do lads Jimmy: that's a kink right there Janis: she definitely does Janis: that's why this is bullshit Janis: does whatever 💀👑 needs her to Jimmy: I'll live without hearing about them threesomes Janis: grim Jimmy: they still ain't welcome up north Janis: 💔 how will they cope Jimmy: idk idc obvs babes Janis: 🤮🤮🤮 Jimmy: go ahead and spread that about as your official ™ reaction to my 😘 Janis: no one cares if you were good, new boy Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: that'll be why my inbox is full Janis: your inbox is full because a. people think you're good as is b. they wanna know if I am Jimmy: if they reckon I'm good they care enough to have thought about it Janis: alright, they're well concerned Janis: if you need 'em to be Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you ain't concerned about what I do or don't need Janis: nah, I'm not Janis: just a weird hill to live and die on Jimmy: would be if it were the one I were on Janis: 👍 Janis: just saying, no one is concerning themselves if I had a good time or not Jimmy: I heard you Janis: alright Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: later Janis: [actually later, like a lesson or so whatever] Janis: do you know George Daley? Jimmy: Why? Janis: 'cos I wanna know if he's telling the truth or not Jimmy: about what? Janis: apparently you told him loads of extra details he was loudly telling his mates Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: new boy, remember Janis: he's not also saying you're best friends Jimmy: I'm saying I've said nowt Jimmy: piss off Janis: okay Janis: you're marginally more plausible than him so take your word Jimmy: I'll take my 🏆 soon as you've engraved it Janis: don't get ahead of yourself Janis: either your imagination is lacking or it's his Janis: and I know you're WELL artistic so Jimmy: alright, stop flirting with me Janis: how many more girls need to tell you that's disgusting Jimmy: how many lasses are in this school? Janis: ha Janis: know they don't do royalty in the north, even they ain't that thick Janis: come up with a new bit probably Jimmy: 👌 Janis: send you his socials if you wanna smack him down Jimmy: go on then Janis: [does] Janis: he's the least attractive one in the groupshot, go figure Jimmy: the 🦐 looking twat? Jimmy: alright Janis: 😂 Janis: good shout Janis: fits with your fish kink Jimmy: What lesson you in? Janis: Physics Jimmy: that's [a classroom/ lab number situ, don't get lost boy] ? Janis: next one along Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [shows up and decks this boy so that all kicks off] Janis: [dramaaaaaaa] Jimmy: [enjoy the show bitches] Janis: [what are you gonna make of that, ladies, when it looks like you're defending her honour instead of your own] Jimmy: [when you lowkey are though, we see you boy] Janis: [we all do, not her though so it's fine] Jimmy: [literally been here no time Jimothy, casual crush at first sight okay then] Janis: [we know you're both hot no hiding from that] Janis: how much trouble you get in? Jimmy: You've been here longer than me, have a guess Janis: 🤔🤔 Janis: depends how much of a good mood the head was in 🥴 Jimmy: ☕ were half full Jimmy: might be 🥃🥃 or 🥃🥃🥃 depending on his measures Janis: either way, bet you have to write him an apology Janis: always make you do that Jimmy: [shows her his 🦐 doodles all over said apology] Jimmy: ✔ Janis: 😏 sincere Jimmy: Am I supposed to invite him out for a 🦐🍛 or what? Janis: no Janis: he'll 😢 and with his eye how it is now, might explode from the pressure Jimmy: can either handle a #ladsnightout or you can't Janis: poor shrimpy Janis: he looks better for the swelling, honestly Jimmy: might write me a thank you note Jimmy: been after a pen pal Jimmy: 💕 Janis: figures Jimmy: ? Janis: artistic Janis: prefer 🖋 over 🗣 Jimmy: nah, just northern Jimmy: can barely write and I need the practice Janis: tell the head that, she can tell her bosses, and they'll get you out of detention Jimmy: 👍 Janis: success story ⭐ Jimmy: my dad will be dead proud Janis: buzzing Jimmy: what am I missing then? Janis: a sense of purpose? Janis: your keys? Janis: what? Jimmy: what 🗨 dickhead Janis: oh, what shrimpdick said? Janis: just more bollocks than I'd heard already Janis: if it were bad before, it's 💘 now Jimmy: you could've said 💀👑 were in there Janis: how was I supposed to know you'd show up Jimmy: what did you think I were gonna do? Janis: well, see him after school sounds a bit gay but Janis: not barge in to a lesson, obviously Jimmy: yeah I asked you for directions I weren't gonna use Janis: I thought you were bullshitting Jimmy: you're alright, there's nobody about to see me 😭 Janis: probably work in our favour once everyone else calms down Janis: reckons we're both gay so Janis: let her do the work with the 🗨 Jimmy: what were it you said? buzzing Jimmy: that'll be me Janis: 👍 Janis: you didn't get in proper shit, did you Jimmy: What's proper shit? Janis: like excluded level Janis: anything below that, not saying sorry for your 😭 Jimmy: weren't after a sorry off you any road Janis: 💔 Jimmy: and I never hit him that hard Janis: I know Janis: but he's being a right tart about it Janis: make more sense if he was good looking to start with Jimmy: 🦐💔 Jimmy: you a vegetarian or what? Janis: hilarious 🙄 Jimmy: 🤡 me Jimmy: it were you who said it Janis: 'cos my taste borders outside aquatic, I'm gay now, alright Jimmy: nowt to do with me Jimmy: literally Janis: you asked Jimmy: nah Janis: you just curious about my dietary needs Jimmy: if that's a crime, give Mia's dad a bell Janis: 🤞💘 Janis: they're well pissed off rn, nothing else Jimmy: sod catholic school, don't even need it Jimmy: about to get into heaven off the back of that Janis: told 'em it weren't me that was getting #saved Jimmy: you wanna piss 'em off a bit more? Janis: obviously? Jimmy: Alright, what would? Jimmy: I'm here, you're there and we're 💕 Janis: you said no one's about? Jimmy: I did do Janis: a teachers showed? Jimmy: nah but that means they could in a bit Janis: fuck it Janis: hang on then Jimmy: 🤞💘 Janis: [ask for a pissbreak, go to whatever room this is and take a #goals selfie for the first time] Jimmy: [love that because it makes the fake dating less out of the blue as a request so well done lads] Janis: [you're welcome] Janis: get more ❤s than her she'll 💥 Jimmy: I'd say challenge accepted but it ain't one Janis: 🥺 when your boyfriend isn't as fit as you thought Jimmy: if you're doing that face since you've been back, you'll really sell the starcrossed lovers angle Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: 😒 translate just as well Jimmy: I get it, there's no oscar in your future Janis: fuck off Janis: it ain't hard Jimmy: couldn't hack the proposition of being in my ad, you Janis: that's different Janis: besides, tell me it won't be funnier to make her do it Jimmy: might be for the first 10 takes Janis: she gets to roleplay with daddy to rehearse she'll be 🏆 Jimmy: SUCH a romantic, you Janis: just want her to be happy, like Jimmy: fuck her, I'm giving you the 🏆 Janis: #blessed Jimmy: that's me, obvs Janis: no, you're #saved Janis: don't hog them all Jimmy: one #'s worth fuck all Jimmy: every dickhead knows you need to flood it Jimmy: bit biblical an' all, that Janis: you get sent her to get turned? Janis: hardcore conversion therapy Janis: here* Jimmy: not gay, just fit and mysterious Janis: 👌 Jimmy: gone right off 🐙🦑🦐🦞🦀🐡🐠🐟 but I don't reckon we can call that hardcore Jimmy: or much of a turn Janis: aren't supposed to eat shellfish actually, so God should be made up Jimmy: success story ⭐ Jimmy: like you said Janis: can go back to where you came from now Janis: in the nicest, non-racist way possible Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 🙏* Jimmy: tah my dear Janis: not 👠👠 but you get what you pay for Jimmy: ain't my fault the tip jar's got nowt in Jimmy: @💀👑 Janis: I remember Jimmy: she ain't changed her ways or owt recently, funny that Janis: she needs the #bornagain Janis: thank fuck she ain't got a dog Jimmy: Oi, what's El if not a service 🐕? Janis: she walks herself enough though Jimmy: she does do laps round the table before she gets her ☕ Janis: not surprised Janis: beyond surprised she can still manage it without the heart attack, obvs Jimmy: 🙏* Janis: deal with the 😈 Janis: gotcha Jimmy: if you can say fuck it today, why not, like? Janis: decent tagline Janis: I'll put it on the site Jimmy: good shout Jimmy: I were gonna say if you need 📸 for it, give me a shout an' all Janis: like IOU one 💘 selfie? Jimmy: sir ain't getting my nudes that easy Janis: gutted Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 Jimmy: call it another deal with the 😈 if you want, mate, but I were being serious Jimmy: bagsied the 🎨 ages ago Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: was thinking, how do we piss her off more with this project Janis: without it being dead obvious that that's what we're doing Jimmy: Depends Janis: on? Jimmy: do you mean us or the #content? Janis: both Jimmy: what thoughts did you have? Janis: well, obviously we can't put in anything that she can run to sir with Janis: but, like the ad, you can edit it to be like one of those no win no fee things like you said Janis: shit like that Jimmy: Do you know what her dad actually looks like? Janis: hold on Janis: [finds his linkedin or whatever 'cos that bitch] Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: you reckon we could use his shit Janis: he has a website as well, can take bits of that as #inspiration Jimmy: few edits so it ain't LITERALLY his, bit of a parody, OMG she'll be fuming Janis: right, that's the VIBE Janis: could use his face but distort it, shadow it, put a bag over Janis: you know she'd know still Jimmy: I've been pissing about with hers an' all Jimmy: [shows her what he's been up to because he didn't have her father's deets] Janis: that's good Janis: on the same page on this one Janis: make 'em victims of medical negligence or something Janis: botched hair transplant Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: dickheads sometimes put a 👍 review of their website, happy clients that sort of bollocks Janis: right Janis: and if we make her the lawyer she wants to be Janis: can't really complain Jimmy: she can't but not to sir Jimmy: can* Janis: that's all I care about Janis: she ain't gonna stop COMING for me 😭 Jimmy: or her man for me 😱😱 Janis: soz I don't know what classes he takes so you can smack him and all Jimmy: he'll find me, unless they're both all mouth Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: *🤞 Janis: least the muscles are purely for show Jimmy: 💪🏆 me Janis: mhmm Jimmy: so complimentary, you Jimmy: I get why your inbox is full Janis: don't need to be Janis: I'm the 🏆 Jimmy: I'm taking back the one I gave you a bit ago for generosity or whatever bollocks it were Janis: I'll survive, mate Jimmy: 👌 dry your eyes and crack on Janis: enjoy your DMs Jimmy: Oi I'm illiterate remember, and there's no need to rub it in, Janet Janis: there'll be lots of pictures for you, no doubt Janis: get the gist real easy Jimmy: 🤤🤤😍😍 Jimmy: might be right about me being saved Janis: 😷 GROSS Jimmy: we'll both live Jimmy: 💔🎻 Janis: real tragedy that Jimmy: give it a few years to get on the English curriculum Janis: not that you'll ever know Jimmy: might still be trying to pass it Janis: awh Jimmy: *🤷 Janis: i'm well concerned about your education Jimmy: HANG ON, is this NERD FLIRTING?!! 💕🤓 Jimmy: I'd heard loads about it Janis: have to see what 💀👑 reckons Jimmy: I'll @ her Janis: she'll love that Jimmy: [does obviously and sends her whatever response] Janis: good to know she's SO on board with this 💘 Janis: have to keep it up if she's gonna be so 😭 😤 Jimmy: if she can't have us, next best, obvs Janis: now she knows how poor Ella feels Jimmy: what the fuck is going on there? Janis: if she ain't in love with her idk Janis: she don't need her to buy her shit Jimmy: I'll have to @ her an' all Janis: fill your boots sherlock Janis: 🤞 it's a death cult naturally, so they take my sister with 'em Jimmy: sounds like a bit of me, that Jimmy: gutted I pissed off their leader Janis: well, you want a new 👜 she'll take you in and make you pay with  🩸🥵😭 Jimmy: if it can start a gay teletubby scandal, might do something for me Janis: better rep than 💫💘 Janis: probably Jimmy: what ain't? Janis: cheer Janis: s Janis: not the only one with an inbox full of hilarious 'better' offers Jimmy: you wanna go from 😍😍 to 💀💀💀 in 3 days that's your shout Jimmy: be a record around here at any rate Janis: I'll just do one when you get mixed messages and top yourself Jimmy: take it up with the 'better' offers, more of 'em you can take out, the 'better' this shithole would be Janis: no shit, like Janis: not that much of a slag, sadly Jimmy: you called me Sherlock, pointing out the bloody obvious is my job done Janis: go shoot up and go to your mind palace, like Jimmy: not that much of a druggie, sadly Janis: letdown Janis: said you were 😎 Jimmy: 😎 by 💀👑 standards is bound to be a letdown by yours, Jules Janis: understatement Jimmy: alright, bighead Janis: coming from you, that's almost a compliment Jimmy: I know Jimmy: you can stop fishing now Janis: piss off Jimmy: 😏 Janis: 🖕🖕🖕 NEW BOY Jimmy: 💕 Janis: anything that reminds you of our glorious leader 😍 Jimmy: this teacher's ☕ breath is really doing it for me Janis: cruel and unusual punishment that Janis: tell socials you're being tortured Jimmy: start me a # Janis: #justiceforjimmy is catchy but you don't have a name so won't help Jimmy: @ Mia's dad for legal words beginning with n Jimmy: 🤞 he's got that far in the alphabet or you're on your own, girl Janis: I'll have to go for the cryptic #whereisnewboy Janis: not having 👀 on you must be well distressing for them anyway Jimmy: steady on though, sounds a bit like I've already ghosted you Jimmy: not very #goals that Janis: oh yeah Janis: 🐇🐇🐇 Jimmy: 🐇 on the boil or nowt Jimmy: 💀👑 rule 1 Janis: I'll think on it then 👻 boy Jimmy: 👍 Janis: #getghostboyout Janis: how long did you actually get in there? Jimmy: #bustoutghostboy Janis: lowkey suggestive Jimmy: 👻👻👻👻👻👻👻 Jimmy: right, they'll LOVE that Janis: [pisstakey socials] Jimmy: [replies that are lowkey suggestive because we know we've started something] Janis: [when you don't even know what you're doing but you're doing IT] Jimmy: [god bless you both]

You watch a show where a literal 12-year-old is raped by a much, much older man (Daenyries is 13 in the book, but you get the idea) and it's romanticised as a healthy relationship, but you're gonna object to a 12-year-old (Madi) shooting/killing someone? Grow up, it's badass. I'm guessing you had a fairly easy childhood based off of the both of those facts.

LMFAO. Okay, again a very brave “anon” sending assumptions about people they know nothing about. Yeah you can talk about bravery or badassery.First, it’s Daenerys* like, it’s not that hard to spell.Anyway. I watch GoT and I watch The 100, so idk why you’re arguing about “you watch that one sooo!” because I watch both. But just because I watch these show, doesn’t mean I condone every storyline happening on said shows. Guess what *shrugs* I also watched Shireen getting burnt alive by her own father! Again, doesn’t mean I like the storyline, just because I watch the show. The differences are:- GoT happens in a medieval settings, and I know people don’t like this argument, but there are some realistic elements to these storylines were very young girls are treated as women - expected to grow up fast - and are mistreated - raped and all. I knew what I was going into when I started watching GoT. - all these storylines are presented as BAD: Shireen is Stannis’ ultimate crime, Daenerys is on the verge of suicide because of Khal Drogo, and just because she’s learnt to adapt to survive, doesn’t mean it makes all the aspects of the relationship good or acceptable, nor does it wash over the fact that she was raped on their wedding night (on the show at least). - Emilia Clarke, despite playing a 15 yo on the show, was much older and tbh it helps making it easier to stomach. Lola is like 15 years old. The thing is, on The 100, it’s EXPECTED of the audience to cheer on that kid killing people. It’d be like GoT expecting us to cheer on Shireen getting murdered or Daenerys getting raped: it doesn’t! Seeing a child’s innocence getting butchered by life isn’t something I want to cheer to: whether it’s because that child is forced to become a killer, or is raped, or whatever else. I don’t need to “grow up” to find that badass: actually, anon, YOU should grow up and learn to cherrish the times of innocence in your life. I bet you’re some kind of “edgy teenager” thinking you know everything about life because you think a 12 yo holding a gun and shooting adults to survive is “badass”. Again, you’re bringing GoT into this: WEIRD, I had actually argued against GoT doing the same thing! As I said, I also don’t like Arya’s s4 storyline, BECAUSE the show is like “look at how badass she iiiis!!! Slowly killing a maaaan, BADASS!!!!” when NO I don’t think it is. On the show’s canon, at that point, Arya is like… 12 years old? Again, watching a 12 yo coldly murdering people and having no regard for human life is a NO to me. And guess what anon? You don’t get to tell people to “grow up” over anything they feel. You don’t get to make assumptions about people you know nothing about, just over tv shows and because you want to defend some shit writing that wants you to blindly be like “BLUUUUUUGH BADAAAAAAAS!!!” over kids killing people. Thing is, we literally have The 100 itself portraying the “duty” of killing other people, as a horrible thing happening to children: Lxa being forced into the “love is weakness” mentality and Luna having to FLEE her conclave in order to stay sane. So the show trying to make it all “badass” now because it’s Madi, NO THANK YOU. Madi was still forced into that position while there were 100 other possibilities of avoiding war WITHOUT putting a child on the front line, and forcing a piece of metal brainwashing her, into her skull! There are ACTUAL ADULTS who SHOULD take the responsability of leadership and not put it on children’s shoulders. That’s something that has made me progressively hate all the adult characters on this show: fuck Kane, Abby and Jaha, all cowards, letting kids to the dirty work for them. And fuck the Grounders for building their “culture” on the massacre of children and the idea of childhood. We know there are other options, from Madi’s family itself! Madi’s parents who hid her and protected her against this stupid culture! All for what? For the show to be like “?? what? It’s BADASS!” Uh, no.The show wanting us to be like “wow how crazy Clarke is for wanting to protect her child from a duty that got her ex-girlfriend MURDERED and that could ruin her entire childhood- not to mention, put her life in danger??” is just stupid. I’ll NEVER be okay with a bunch of adults, dropping responsability on a 12 years old, rather than DOING THINGS themselves. Like, actually being adults, and doing the hard choices themselves- something Clarke did last season- for her child’s sake, and if anything, I can at least admire her for that. The best stories are the ones where human emotions aren’t thrown into a void of inhumanity for the sake of “badass storytelling”. To me, THE BEST tv show and hero, by far, are ATLA and Aang. So many people call him selfish for wanting to hold on to “his values” while there’s a war. But it’s actually the bravest thing to do. Not being eaten and destroyed by war or conflict or people trying to destroy you. Aang’s journey (and I’d say, probably the Elric’s brothers journey, from FMAB) is top-notch because they show you how it’s possible to do good, badass, world-changing things WITHOUT getting corrupted by the world, or war. Everything hard in life shapes you, but it doesn’t have to destroy you or change you. It’s also what is so strong about Harry Potter, and what makes The Hunger Games so tragic. I can’t believe we live in a world today, where people would rather see children butchering other human beings, rather than children learning the value of life, or the value of everything that is good about their childhood. I can’t believe we live in a world where people can watch Aang’s journey and call it boring, or call him selfish, for wanting to remain what he feels like is himself with values that make him a human being, able to live with himself, despite war and everything horrible that’s happened to him. I can’t believe we live in a world so disensitized to violence and destruction (whether it’s in fiction or irl), to the point of being okay when it reaches children. I can’t believe we live in a world where fiction puts guns/swords in kids’ hands, has them murdering people, and viewers/readers are just like “!!!! this badass 9 years old butchering people!!!” (in Arya’s case) or “!!!!!! badass 12 years old madi who was once thinking about berries for her hair but loves to kill people now!!! bad-ass!!!!”. You’re allowed to be critical of the works of fiction you consume, you know that, right? You’re allowed to think “hey… that’s not right!” when an author or a director portrays something on screen, you know that, right? I know actual REAL nine years old. Would I ever want them to become like Arya, like Carl? I know 12 years old, would I ever want them to see become like Madi? NO. And even if it’s “just fiction” portraying these children doing these things, I’ll still say it’s WRONG to do so. I mean, yeah it’s easier to just want some badass fighting sequences, it’s easier to want to go the easy way where it’s bing bang boom!, everyone dies and there are badass explosions! It’s not what I want/like when I consume fiction. It’s not the characters I want to cheer for when I watch something. And guess what, shit-anon? I know that precisely because I had a tough childhood. A childhood where I wasn’t allowed to be a child because I had to “grow up” - as you say it so nicely - faster than any other of my friends because I had to deal with stuff. But HEYYY you know everything, right, anon?? Because you are out there, shaming people for not cheering for a child taking people’s lives on a tv show. Good for you, you’ve managed to make me waste like 10 minutes of my time answering to you, now go back crawling to your “anonymous” corner and go harrass someone else- or maybe, idk, if you think children being enrolled in wars is “badass”, go in some foreign countries and go cheer for these kids who are constantly thrown in the middle of conflicts they have nothing to do with? I mean? It’s “badass”, right, childhood being butchered by war and death? Yeh. So badass.

Reset!Rant (part 4)

Blackout

Chapter: 1

Thad: "Even though Craydl was programmed to obey my dear grandfather over me, he still could hold a conversation and be useful. While you have some rudimentary communicative abilities, it's not the same. I could say the same of Bart."

This is a put down that comes out of the blue and it shows how normal it has become for Thad to resort to insulting Bart. This insult is especially tasteless when you remember that a lot of ND people have problems with verbal communication/talk too fast/talk too loud or too quiet/have trouble expressing their thought and can go nonverbal. So yeah, basically another slice at Bart for having ADHD, wouldn't you know it.

Thad's vision blacked out and he grabbed the washing machine for stability. If felt as if the bottom fell out of his world. He knew this feeling all too well now, but it had never been as bad as this. He staggered away from the laundry and into the kitchen to sit.

.................................... Helen's voice echoed from the kitchen. "Thad? I just got a call from the school. Bart passed out in class and I'm going to pick him up. I'll be home soon." When Helen returned home with Bart, Thaddeus was waiting in the kitchen with a smirk on his face. "You passed out?" Bart scowled and stomped off to dump his backpack and jacket off on his bedroom floor. Thaddeus snorted, still sneering.

Making fun of someone because they showed physical weakness, that's stereotypical school yard bullying right there. "Haha look at you you loser! You passed out. You're such a weakling!" Thad is so...pathetic in this. He is so desperate for power, so desperate to be superior to Bart. He waited all this time in the kitchen just so that he could throw Bart this line. He clinges to everythign that will make him appear better than Bart. He obssessively seeks out every little one of his flaws and mistakes in order to maintain his big ego. It's almost pittyful. Of course he snots at Bart, of course he is behaving as condescending as possible. Thad is the kind of person who kicks someone who's already on the ground. This is just...So ugly to read. Hey Thad, you nearly passed out earlier this day, I don't see you shaming yourself for being weak. What's the difference? What's making you so special that you don't deserve to be shamed for it?

Hey Helen, you're just going to ignore Thad very obviously and viciously bullying the closest person you have to a son? You're not gonna repriment him for it so that he won't continue to destroy Bart's self esteem and his mental health? No? Great, it would be very confusing if you suddenly started being a responsible parent.

Thaddeus leaned against the doorway with crossed arms. "You're pathetic." He sneered.

Funny that you mention it, have you looked in the mirror lately?

Chapter: 2

Mike gestured to Bart's injuries. "You could say that you got hit in the face with a basketball or something." Bart slung the bag over his shoulder and pushed the bathroom door open. Maybe he could just go home? No, Thad was there, and he didn't want to listen to his evil twin berate him about getting bloodied in a fight.

Through his frequent put downs, Thad now made Bart afraid to show weakness. He knows that Thad will make fun of his vulnerability and won't be of any help to him.

Thad: "No moron, I'm playing with a tesseract puzzle." His voice was dripping with condescending sarcasm. "What else would I be doing?"

Another put down out of the blue. And a very sordid one, I might add.

Chapter: 3

A commotion in the backyard grabbed her attention and she saw Bart and Thad duking it out again. "Oh, for the love of...Wally, I'll call you back. The boys are really at it this time. I swear, Thad needs to get out of the house and get a life, and Bart needs to stop antagonizing him."

Hmm, that's odd. I could've sworn that Thad was the one who constantly ripped on Bart, was a dick to him and provoked Bart with "You've got ADHD so you're dumb" insults, and Bart was the one who remained friendly despite having to endure insult after insult without retailiating. Are you referring to the times Bart called Thad a jerk and said "Like you're any better"? Are those the oh so bad words Bart calls Thad that justify you saying "He's antagonizing him"? Because, and maybe that's just me, but calling someone who is neurodivergent a r*tard, moron, idiot, shortbus, brainless, annoying, destructive, a nuisance, hyperactive, embarrassing, dense, pathetic, saying that they have "Rudimentary communicative abilities", that they "probably got distracted with by something shiny" and implying over and over again that they're stupid and useless, that you see it as a disgrace to be related to them, that you'd like to beat them up, (and actually beating them up) and that they're inferior to you because of aspects of their personality they can't control is a bit worse than saying "Jerk" to defend yourself in response to being called those insults. And somehow we should believe that Bart is the one who is antagonizing Thad? What the fuck is wrong with you people? Thad is so obviously abusing Bart in this, I don't know how anyone couldn't see this. Screw Helen, she has no sense of fairness and justice when it comes to Bart's treatment. Do I have to explain the word favoritism? How come she lets Thad get away with was worse stuff? Why doesn't she chew him out for all the stuff he put Bart through? He was very clearly shaming him for having ADHD im Helen's presence, and she didn't do shit.

I'm 100% sure Thad started this conflict with some "You're inferior to me" comment and was also the one who got physical first.

Helen: "You don't even know?! Get in here and go to your rooms!" The boys let go of each other and sulked past Helen. "I swear you two, if you were girls, I would be blaming hormones for these outbursts."

Yeah, let's just casually ignore the fact that testosterones are the hormones that increase aggressive behavior and that boys produce about 16× more testosterone than girls, and that men are known to be quicker to express their anger through violence than women. (Cite: Men vs. Women: Hormones; a transgender perspective, Why do women and men respond differently to anger? PsychCentral) I guess I can add "sexist" to the list of things that make Helen an unlikable person. Also, glad to know that she now cares about breaking up a fight between them. Play fighting for fun in the yard? Absolutely not! What were you thinking? Why do you act like that? You should know better! Shady sparring fight in the streets? Sure Thad go ahead! Nothing wrong with beating up your brother to release your anger!

Chapter: 4

Thad answered with a smirk, "That you're a hyperactive brat who would just get more destructive when introduced to sizable amounts of caffeine."

Bart glowered and crossed his arms. "Shut up! I am not!" Thad lifted his chin in victory. "See? Hit the matk. I'm right."

Both Helen and Konner sit next to Bart and they say nothing in response.

Kon chuckled as Bart settled down at the table. "Man, I kinda missed that."

"Missed what?" Bart asked.

"You driving people nuts. Inertia's not Rob or Wondy but he flips out pretty fast." Thad snarled at Kon, "They don't have to live with him!"

Bart has been nothing but nice to Thad. Bart is the one who has to live with Thad's constant belittling. Thad has deluded himself into believing that he is the victim here, but he's really not. Bart is. Bart has been trying to help Thad, even though he was a total douchebag who constantly humiliated him. Bart has to live with Thad.

Chapter: 5

Kon: "Seriously, don't you have any other modes than "up yours" or "sideways"? You're going to die a lonely virgin life if you keep this up. Yeah, I get that your childhood was stolen by an evil madman and all, but you're preaching to the choir here. Dude, get over it. We did." Thad's glare darkened and he clenched his fist. Lunging forward with a punch, he stopped just short striking Kon. Shaking with fury, Thad backed away and left the kitchen. Bart sighed and leaned against the kitchen counter. "He's gonna need to spar today and I'm all beat up already."

"You don't have to be his punching back."

"I'm not a punching back. I hit back."

I agree with Kon up until the "just get over it" part. It's nice to see someone finally calling Thad out on his demanding and shitty attitude, but telling an abuse victim to "just get over it" isn't good advice, either. What Kon should have told him was that Thad should work on his behavior and that him having been abused doesn't make it okay for him to abuse others.

The dialoge after that between Kon and Bart is another attempt on the author's part of justifying this situation. The "I hit back" isn't very encouraging when you consider that Thad is a way better fighter than Bart. The "He needs to spar today and I'm all beat up already" makes it very clear that Bart would rather not participate in a duel, but does it anyway because he feels pressured to keep Thad's emotions in check. Without Bart sacrificing his own well being, Thad would've gotten himself into a lot of trouble by beating up random people in blind rage. And Bart knows this. Despite what this sentence is trying to make you belive, their fights aren't balanced. Thad can easily overpower and outsmart him in a duel. At the end of the day, Bart is still his punching back.

Chapter: 5

Seeking Thad out, Bart found him in the library, talking with a couple of upperclassmen girls. Bart pulled him aside, much to Thad's annoyance. "I'm gonna need some help. Eddie's-" "Not my problem," Thad interrupted. "I don't care what's going on." "Look, getting beat up was just the start of it. He's-" "Not. My. Problem." Thad turned away from Bart. "If he got himself into it, he can get himself out of it. This is a waste of my time." "I just want you to back me up."

This kind of sums up what kind of person Thad is. He takes and take but doesn't repay the favors. He's cold and has no compassion. It doesn't matter to him what Bart did for him, and that he vouched for him. And going by Thad's logic, Max and Bart shouldn't have offered Thad to stay with them because; If he got himself into this situation, he can get himself out of it! Not our problem, we don't care what's going on!

Thad knows that Bart is going to do something really dangerous and could get seriously injured or even die, and he still doesn't give a fuck. He hasn't learned to care for Bart one bit.

Bart grinned at him. "You came."

"Max wanted us to take care of each other," Thad remined. "Letting you get pounded into a smear is a violation of those orders."

This is Thad admitting that the only thing that made him help is Max. I'm 100% certain that Thad would've gladly stood by and watched Bart die if it wasn't for Max. Thad still hates Bart's guts for whatever reason, and he actively shows him that every chance he gets.

Chapter: 7

"Obviously, I got my intelligence from both of our grandfathers. Pity that means there wasn't any left for you."

Hey Thad? How about you shut up and not smack talk Bart every chance you get? It would make you less of a person that deserves to get hit multiple times in the teeth with a brick. This is, very obviously, another put down directed at Bart's ADHD that is disguised as a joke.

Jerking his head up, Bart nodded. "You would do that?" "What kind of evil twin do you think I am?" Thad huffed in mock offense. "I only beat you up and ridicule your intelligence, not withhold precious words of wisdom that can be thrown in Wally's face whenever he gets his tights in a wad about you not being the perfect little sidekick. He treated Bart to a wicked grin. Legacies are more than a name and a costume."

Oh don't worry Thad, you're not the evil clone, you're just the abusive, selfish, cold hearted, self entitled, manipulative, egotistical brother. Yes, you 'only' did those things. They are still reprehensible and loathsome. They will still mess up a person and are unforgivable. Turning your actions into a joke doesn't make them funny or acceptable. The fact that he admits to his wrongdoings but doesn't see them as reprehensible speaks volume about his personality. He talks about his crude actions with such satisfaction and confidence as if he were proud of them. After everything I read about Thad in this, it's very likely that he is.

And the reason why he does Bart a favor here? Again, just doing it for himself. He tells Bart these things not becaus he likes Bart, but becaus he dislikes Wally for that whole legacy thing and wants him to suffer. Thad is self projecting about his issues with his legacy.

Hey! Firstly I love your writing (it's so good!!) Secondly, can I please get a ship for IT and ST? I'm a 5"4 bi girl with glasses, short brown hair and freckles. I'm very loud and swear like a sailor. I'm very sarcastic, but also a good listener. I'm a huge bookworm and write my own stuff. I love music a lot. I sing and play 4 instruments. I'm a big musical theatre fan, and have been doing drama for 6 years. I'm very academic and can speak French. I also have a massive family. Thanks!

Thank you so much, love, that means so much!😭💕

IT:

I ship you with Beverly!

God you guys would be fantastic. You guys met when Bev was taking abuse from Greta and her gaggle of desperate attention hogging try-hards. “How is she the slut when you’re the one actually jumping into the bed of any guy who so much as looks at you for more than a few seconds?” Yeah. That’s when Bev decided that if she’ll never do anything for the rest of her life she’d be happy if you and her became friends, and you did. Jesus you guys were inseparable. You had a huge crush on her all through middle school, especially after the whole Pennywise thing… that really made you appreciate her more. She always asked you to teach her to speak French but you never did because you didn’t want her to understand the pet names you give her. “Come on, please~?” “Nope. Sorry, Chaton.” “Please??” “Ne se produira pas, Charmant.” “Why not?!” “Je ne veux pas que vous me haïssez…” You’re also the reason Bev started singing. When she moved the two of you would constantly send each other mixtapes—the 80s language of love. Sometimes you’d even record your own covers of cute songs that reminded you of her and send them to her. Those were Bev’s favorites. During your Sophomore year Beverly came down to visit so you and the Losers’ had a karaoke party. You guys went all out and it was really fun. Richie—being the person he is—decided to bring alcohol to the little reunion. You were so happy and so depressed at the same time. On the bright side Beverly, your best friend and love of your life, is back and looking more gorgeous than ever. On the down side Ben and Bill are going at it. Both passive aggressively fighting for Beverly’s attention. It was really a side sight, so you took a flask of whiskey from Richie and started downing it. “Oh! Damn… You wanna—? No?? Okay.” It was Richie’s turn to be a little depressed. You weren’t shit-faced, but you weren’t sober either. You were that happy middle were you have no shame and will remember everything the next morning. You kinda had if after Bill and Ben started singing The Girl Is Mine. Like really, guys? So you kicked them off the small makeshift stage in Bill’s basement halfway through the song and broke out your guitar, deciding to go acapella. Sober you would’ve never done this, but for the love of God you’re gonna stop this bullshit even if it ruins your friendship. You start to sing C’etait toi(You Were The One). You refuse to look at Bev the whole song, scared of what you’ll see. “Me revoici Cherchant ton visage Et je realise Que je devrais en chercher une autre C'etait toi You were the one.” You finish and look directly at Bev. Bev can’t help but smile widely as you walk off the stage. She takes the guitar from you and walks up the stage. She strums the happy opening to Walkin’ On Sunshine and clears her throat. “I used to think maybe you loved me, now baby I’m sure.” That was all you needed. You cut her off with a kiss. It was hungry and urgent, like your life was on the line. I suppose in a way it was. 

Stranger Things:

I ship you with Will!

In a dramatic turn of events, you’re his knight in shining armor. When he went missing you lost your shit and kinda went off by yourself. You guys were always really close and bonded over music and being smart. You’d defend him from bullies and the two of you would sit in his room for hours doing nothing but listen to music and homework. God you adored him. After awhile of running in circles and finally figuring some shit out you ended up behind Steve’s house where you joined forces with Jonathan and Nancy. “What are you doing here!?” “What are you doing here?” You were in the hospital room when Will woke up, you waited until Jonathan and Joyce left before you went up to him though. “We just gave him something to numb the pain. He’ll be asleep in a few minutes so make it quick.” The nurse told you. “Oh my God Will are you alright? What happened down there are you okay I was so worried I—” “You look the same as the last time I saw you…” “W-what?” “…beautiful.” Needless to say you had some things to think about when you went home that night. You came to the conclusion that you did in fact like him and have for awhile. But you didn’t want to say anything to him because what if he didn’t mean to say it or didn’t mean it at all. He did have drugs being pumped into his system when he said it. He’s probably just happy to be back. These emotions conflicted you the entire second season. It didn’t help that you were on high alert protective mode because off all the assholes running around saying he should be dead and other bullshit. You felt almost like the third wheel to Mike and Will because you were always with Mike when Mike needed help. Sure, you know that Mike is his best friend and has known him longer than you but it still hurt. When Mike wasn’t with Will than you were. You let him talk about whatever he wants, not forcing him to talk about all the shitty things that keep happening. It really helped Will to just be able to talk about how the sky looked, or how the sunset made him feel, art class, the Clash, his brother, his mom. You could listen to all the things that make him happy for hours. It crushed you when he forgot you, although there was a dollop of triumph that he remembered you longer than he remembered Mike. “Do… do you remember that day we met in art class? The teacher told us to draw something we think is beautiful or admire. I looked up to think of ideas and you were staring straight at me… Everyone else drew pictures of flowers, a sunset, but you drew a perfect stranger. Near the end of class when everyone was packing up I walked up you, you looked so nervous… I asked you why you drew me. You said you thought that I was—” “—beautiful.”

Oh fuck I got a little carried away, huh?? Sorry about that!!