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#... i am so sad as the somehow neglect was only due to her overwhelm...
art-of-mathematics · 2 years
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Although there is so much wonderful beauty in the world I am in awe of, there's still some sadness that is tearing me apart.
#reliving the prolonged trauma is hard#yet the strength and compassion I have given myself since I was a kid is helping me withstand all the pain#i found old health files from when I was a baby#when i was 3 i had sensory processing problems and should visit an eye doc#my mom told me 'they thought i had bad eyes and wanted me to wear glasses'#my mom is and always was severely overchallenged/overwhelmed with all sorts health-related...#she can't even manage to distinguish the metformin she takes - diabetes meds- and melatonine -sleeping hormone...#even when i got diabetes at 7 yo I had no proper help from her.#... i am so sad as the somehow neglect was only due to her overwhelm...#and she was offered help my the state...#but she always denied it.#she 'wanted to secure her kidsjfrom the cruel curel world'....#sadly... she is paranoid#and i grief for all the pain this has resulted in...#sadly she never kept us safe from her.#she always misunderstands everything medical staff tells her..#ignorance is at fault.#she even seeked a homeopathic healer for my diabetes and tried to 'help' me with globuli. i only ate them because they tasted nice#i even ate dry cat food as kid because it tasted better than anything that was available#everyday just sweets and sometimes joghurt or milchreis#i don't know why i indulge in this thought loop again...#the flashbacks are like... interwoven...#I had autism and adhd all my life but my mother could never handle it...#she was adviced to send me to a special school back then. she denied it.#in elementary school the teachers wanted me to leap school years as I was far ahead with the topics. my mother denied it#she denied it 'because she needs to learn social competence'... damn... allji learned was to people-please#and to neglect my own needs. to fear because i never knew what i did wrong...#and today it still impacts me#as I am notmeven able to get proper diagnoses#because 'it's obvious you have adhd but there went so much wrong in your medical history...' - words of someone who wanted to diagnose ADHD
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cubeapples · 9 days
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You know what, you're right about it being your opinion, I'm sorry if I offended you. I was just having a bad day 😭 and when I decided to scroll through tomarry tag all I see is your posts dragging harry for no reason and somehow putting Voldemort in this high pedestal while just kicking at harry and that just made me sad— I feel like everyone is entitled to their opinion and that doesn't mean one is more right than the other. At the end of the day this is all fanon and there is not realistic canonical way for this to happen. So, I just wanted to point that out because I have seen you time and time say how one way is just unrealistic but so is your way? Everything in this fandom is unrealistic if we follow the actual canon? Realistically, V is an one dimensional character that fandom has given depth to. So you calling others V unrealistic is funny because they also created something they loved, maybe that's how they envisioned him? So I guess I just wanted to point that out. I hope you have a good day <3
oh, it's alright. i'm not putting voldemort "in a high pedestal," in fact, canon itself puts voldemort in a high pedestal. he is canonically one of the most feared/powerful wizards to have existed, people are afraid to say his name, dumbledore isn't keen on going against him etc.. i'm just expanding it towards tomarrymort, and since voldemort is already such an overwhelming, powerful character in canon, comparing harry to him may seem like i'm dragging harry, which.. i'm not.
"I have seen you time and time say how one way is just unrealistic but so is your way?" i am not saying only my way is realistic. i am saying my way is more realistic than some of the adaptations of him i have seen. you say everything is equally unrealistic when compared to canon and that is not true. there is a source material. if you say all adaptations are equally unrealistic, then there will be no need for a source material. some adaptations are more realistic than others, because they are developed with more traits taken directly from canon. for example:
"voldemort is a cold, unfeeling person, who is prone to negligence towards someone who is his s.o"
vs.
"voldemort is a romantic towards the person he loves"
both are headcanons. one is more realistic than the other. the first statement has plenty of evidence that can be taken from canon: (mass murderer, horcruxes are neglected because they can be easily found as they have been given to people who were untrustworthy, he is unkind to bella despite her loyalty etc.)
the second statement is also a headcanon, but it is less realistic than the first, simply due to the lack of canon evidence.
as much as you want to say voldemort is a one-dimensional character in canon, there is still a lot of info we have from the way he acts. it may seem one-dimensional, and that's because it is. he's just filled with pure evil. he's not gonna have a massive soft spot for someone he 'loves.' it's just like that. he's just like that. you can add to it, but you can't change it. you can't do a 180° turn from canon and expect it to turn out realistic. you can't say he waxes poetry to harry and act like everyone universally agrees with it when it is not at all hinted at in canon that he likes poetry.
yes, people can envision him differently from myself, but that doesn't mean that all depictions are objectively not ooc. some depictions are better than others when compared with canon. it's just how it is. (i'm not dragging anyone when i'm saying this, please understand that.)
hope you have a lovely day <3
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lov3nerdstuff · 4 years
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Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 5.1}
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*Severus Snape x OC*
Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend… and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.
General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing
Words: 5.4k
Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!
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There was a major difference in the way Robin approached this summer break in contrast to the last years. The dread that usually overcame her even before she stepped onto the train back to London was still very much present and accompanied by a deep sadness at the prospect of not being able to have coffee with Snape every night, but she didn’t feel quite as desperate about the length of the break. This year, she actually had something to look forward to.
It had come as a surprise on her last evening at school, when she had been talking to Snape about summer plans, that he had handed her a letter that had originally been addressed to him. At first Robin had been understandably confused why he’d given it to her, but after a moment of explanation, things had started to make sense. It was an invitation to a one-day conference in London, taking place two weeks into the holidays. According to him, it was an ‘insignificant’ event with a series of lectures and discussions about anything related to the overall subject of potion making. While the invitation was meant for Snape himself, he had made it rather clear that he had no interest in attending and thus wanted to give Robin the opportunity to listen to some of the lectures if she cared to go in his place. Obviously she’d been absolutely delighted by the possibility, and assured him that she would do her very best to lay low and make a good impression for once. He’d told her where to be on which day, then spoken a brief warning about some people he couldn’t stand but who likely would be attending, and at last they had changed the topic, talking about the book Robin had just finished that day.
On the train ride home the next day however, she had wondered if he really didn’t want to attend or if he merely wanted to give her the chance to go in his place, but seeing as she couldn’t answer that question, she had let it go after a while of pondering. But she did take pride in the fact that he obviously believed she would understand whatever would be talked about at this conference, and even more that he trusted her to not embarrass him in his absence. She would definitely try to learn as much as possible from this event, and be noticed as little as possible in return.
The two weeks until the anticipated day passed by slowly, but with something to look forward to, it wasn’t quite as dreadful as wishing and waiting for the end of the holidays already. Robin did actually end up telling her parents about the conference a few days before it would take place, and they seemed rather delighted about the fact that Robin was indulging in the same kind of academic endeavours they themselves thrived in so much. To be honest, Robin had merely told them because spending the entire day in London meant that she would be home very late if she took the train after the last lecture would be over, and she didn’t want them to worry. They however seemed fairly unbothered by the fact that their daughter would be out and about in the middle of the night, and Robin gave up on trying to get them to take interest in her person as much as they did in her 'career’. Thus they merely talked about proper behavior at an event like this, how to ask questions without being rude or make suggestions without sounding braggy, and Robin did in fact appreciate the advice for once. Who knew… maybe it applied to the wizarding world just as much as to the muggle world.
When the day finally arrived, Robin was nervous and delighted at once. Seeing as she would indeed have to stick to public transportation like the muggle she was pretending to be during the holidays, she opted for a more mundane choice of outfit too. Still, she wanted to make a good impression, and thus she chose to wear dressier clothes for once, which turned out more of a challenge than anticipated, due to an underwhelming amount of options. Eventually she ended up with a black, high waisted tube skirt that ended a little higher than a hand’s width above her knees, and an olive green blouse with long bishop sleeves which she tugged into the skirt. Paired with some dressy flats and her usual leather backpack, Robin deemed it fancy enough. Her mom also gave her approval, calling it 'appropriate enough’ for someone Robin’s age, and thus she was off to London even before it had properly started to dawn.
Finding the place where the conference would take place was actually easier than she had expected, especially if one considered that she had to rely on an ordinary, non-magical street map of London to find the correct building. This rule forbidding underage magic outside of Hogwarts was bullshit, in her eyes, but she also figured that not everyone was being as responsible with their magic as she was… so it maybe did make sense for some people. After finding the right building however, the next obstacle was being allowed in.
“Can I help you?” The first person she tried to simply walk past, once inside the entrance hall, already stepped into her path.
“I have an invitation for the conference.” Robin replied as self-assuredly as she could, portraying nothing but calmness on the outside while yet on the inside she felt rather overwhelmed by the whole thing. Too many people, too many strangers especially, and in addition to that a place she wasn’t familiar with and a situation nobody believed she belonged into. Great…
“May I see it, please?” At least the man was polite, even if a bit too condescending for Robin’s liking. Without protesting though, she grabbed the invitation card out of her backpack and held it under his nose with an indifferent expression.
“I apologise for the inconvenience, Miss. The conference room is on the third floor. Just follow the signs and you should find it with ease.” He said after but a brief glimpse at the paper, and stepped out of Robin’s way while pointing her to the staircase.
It really was beyond easy to find the correct room by following the signs, but before she even could set foot into it, she was held up yet again by a man sitting at a table in front of the room.
“Good morning.” Robin actually addressed him first, with a polite smile, as she came to stand in front of the table. Somehow she had rather hoped that she could just sneak into this like she had done in some lectures at university in the past years… but obviously that wasn’t the case.
“How can I help you, Missy?” The older man raised his eyebrows at her with a small smile, and Robin found herself conflicted by his disrespectful way of addressing her in contrast to his kind face.
“I am here for the conference.” She stated calmly though, and handed the invite to the man in front of her.
His eyebrows rose even higher as he read over the card, before he finally turned back to Robin with a surprised face. “What does a lass like you have to do with Severus Snape? You surely know that this is his invite, don’t you?”
“Of course I am aware of that.” She bit down the snarl and kept her tone polite and neutral like the adult she was trying to be here. “I’m his… friend. He couldn’t attend and therefore sent me in his place.” There was no need to tell him that Snape had called them an old bunch of idiots and hadn’t wanted to come here because it would bore him out of his mind, was there? No, certainly not.
“From what’s said about him, he doesn’t have a lot of friends I believe.” The man mused, but handed the paper back to Robin with a smile nonetheless. “Well, he still seems to have a decent taste in people if he sent you here today, huh? What’s your name? For the list of attendees, and the name tag.”
Robin almost would’ve snorted at the statement… Snape and good with people? Best joke she’d heard in weeks. But at least she wasn’t questioned any more than that. She would’ve hated to elaborate on her 'friendship’ with her professor. One sided as it was, especially…
“Robin Mitchell.” She answered with a small smile, and a moment later accepted the sticky tag he was holding out to her. Without questioning why it only read her last name, she stuck it onto her blouse a little below her collar bone, and then was granted entrance to the room at last.
If she’d had any hope to just not be noticed before, it definitely was gone by now. The room was crowded with wizards of all shapes and sizes, mostly of the older generations, and Robin spotted exactly two females other than herself. Age and gender… first things that drew quite a few eyes to her. But then there also was the small but very obvious fact that she was the only one not wearing robes. Hell, even if she’d wanted to, she couldn’t have sat in the train for two hours looking like a kid dressed up for Halloween and not panic. Well… she could’ve changed once she got here. Too late for that idea now.
Many eyes followed her indeed as she walked across the room to sit down as far to the back as possible. At least there were many people scattered around the room, chatting and laughing currently; surely they would just forget that Robin was here at some point. Hopefully, if they didn’t ignore her, these people would actually treat her with some professionalism at least, even if she looked like she could be their grandchild. Well, at least she got why Snape had called them a bunch of old idiots now.
After her initial discomfort, the situation improved (fairly little at first) once the actual event began. Robin tried to somewhat keep up with the smalltalk the man next to her was trying to make, but he ended up spending more time staring at her mostly bare legs than listening to what she said in return, so she eventually just gave up on trying to converse in the first place. The lectures however were well worth the trouble, as Robin discovered, and she took plenty of notes about anything that seemed interested or useful to remember. In fact, she did understand most of what was said and even recognized a lot of it from her extensive readings. Events like this generally seemed to function more by knowledge than by experience, and Robin had theoretical knowledge in the plenty. Thus she actually had a pretty good time for the majority of the lectures, as it allowed her to completely ignore the fact that other people were present in the same room.
Only when they took a break at noon, she was approached by some people who probably only wanted to be kind and involve her in the conversation, which however served to make Robin feel rather nervous in the beginning. They asked her about her young age, of course, and she tried to politely convince them that intelligence wasn’t a matter of age, and neither was passion for a subject. At least the lunch break was spent with conversation this way, rather than awkward silence, and Robin actually found herself enjoying the polite and professional conversations they engaged in soon. Throughout the talking she got involved in however, she tried to share as little information about herself and her knowledge about potions as possible, for she feared that she would only embarrass herself anyway if she said something wrong. She was here to listen, not to talk.
That however changed drastically in the afternoon. After one particularly long lecture about medical potions and strategies of use, the following discussion was a furnace of opinions and arguments. Robin merely listened to the many arguments and counterarguments in silence, just as she’d been doing for the past few hours, and kept her own thoughts to herself. That worked rather well for her, right until the man who had held the lecture in the first place, Kenneth Crowe, said something undeniably wrong and everybody in the room seemed to agree with him. Instantly the desire to at least ask about it jumped to the very front of Robin’s mind, but she bit the insides of her cheeks to stay quiet. It wasn’t her place to say anything at all, and definitely not to correct a well renowned professional in the field. But it was such an obvious mistake… such a stupid but important little detail. And leaving it in the wrong might actually result in very much real consequences for people, especially in the medical field. 
Crowe had introduced a new kind of healing potion in his lecture, a revolutionary invention of his that might cure yet untreatable curses… and Robin believed to know that it wouldn’t work. At least not in the way he was suggesting. Bloody hell, she just wanted to tell them, but she was also desperately scared to say something stupid. It wasn’t her place to speak up, it wasn’t her goddamn place to doubt these people!!! But the knowledge that she might be right sufficed to torture her mind more with every second she didn’t at least voice the doubt. At last Robin’s mind won over her churning stomach and racing heart. She raised her hand, was called on almost immediately, and after one deep and shaky breath, she started explaining to a room full of professionals why they were wrong about the subject.
“I… would like to ask a question.” She started, hoping that her criticism wouldn’t come off as such if she phrased it this way. “You, uh… You stated that the petals of the Varilion flower are a key ingredient, and so is the essence of Canticor, yes?”
“Yes. And?” Crowe looked down at Robin from his pedestal with a humored, but undeniably deriding smile. He probably thought that she didn’t even understand a word of what they were currently dealing with… oh, how wrong he was. A bit of the reluctance to possibly insult this man fell off Robin’s mind at the stupid look on his face alone, and she decided to continue more directly.
“I just wanted to be sure I didn’t misunderstand you.” She replied with a polite little smile that was born out of her newly arising wish to wipe his own smile off his stupid face. “Because as far as I’m aware, Varilion –as a plant in the family of nocturnal vinca breeds– would very likely cancel out the effects of the Canticor which are needed here. Without the Canticor however, the entire product would likely be unstable and thus lacking the functionality you have described.”
“That’s ridiculous, I tested the potion myself and it was perfectly stable. You shouldn’t make assumptions like that without prior knowledge of the subject, child. This potion will be perfectly stable.” He almost snapped back, and a few people frowned at his admittedly harsh reply. Robin didn’t let it impress her at all; she was just getting started. Somehow, now that the dam was broken, she really didn’t mind speaking up all that much anymore.
“Well, it is stable if the potion is made in a common testing quantity as opposed to an average production size. If one would try to make a sufficient amount of it in order to be able to give it to a human being with the desired healing result, one would run into severe problems, seeing as the Varilion and the Canticor start canceling each other out at an amount that is way smaller than what would be needed indeed. Thus it is not possible to use this formula to even make enough of the potion for one single person. Which, in return, renders the potion quite useless.” People stared at Robin with all kinds of mixed and shocked expressions as she spoke, some whispering and turning pages, but she used the opportunity of having the word already to lean just a bit further out of what she had thought to be her place. “However, seeing as the core problem is merely the radically dominating nature of the vinca breed in the Varilion, I would suggest replacing it with Plangentine. As another nocturnal flower with almost the same properties, as far as I’m aware, it might make a functional replacement even in larger quantities. But that, of course, is only my humble opinion. Thank you.”
With that she shut her mouth, leaned back in her chair, and observed how about thirty jaws dropped. Geez, it was hard not to smirk. This really shouldn’t be so much fun… What she had done wasn’t exactly considered polite, even if she had phrased it politely. Her parents would be disappointed. Snape however would likely be proud. Robin decided to focus on the latter.
For the long moment that followed, nobody said anything at all, and people merely seemed to think about what Robin had suggested. When the discussion was finally continued however, every single person who contributed something spoke in favor of Robin’s opinion or at least seemed to accept it as correct. Thank goodness… she would’ve hated to feel so smug and then be proven wrong. Thus, seeing as she had done her part in voicing her doubt and wiping the stupid smile off the man’s face, Robin went back to simply listening to what was said, and meanwhile noted down the discussed healing potion in her journal, with her own suggested change. She’d have to ask Snape about it when she went back to school. Maybe they could even test it, for fun.
The rest of the afternoon flew by just as the morning had, but with significantly more glances at Robin. One time she was even directly asked for her opinion on something, which freaked her out quite a bit on the inside at least, but she still was able to give a reply everyone seemed to be accepting as a contribution as valuable as any other person’s. Maybe she had finally gotten herself out of the grandchild box in their minds after all.
After the last lecture was over, fairly late in the evening, the entire group of attendees was asked to come to the podium to pose for a photograph. At first, Robin had respectfully stepped aside to let the real attendees take the stage, but upon multiple people insisting that she had played an important role in this meeting, she had found herself among the group as well. Right in the front. Definitely not as subtle as she’d planned to be today, but seeing as she was a good head shorter than almost everyone else, it did actually make sense to put her up front. Once all pictures were taken, Robin planned to head home, but she was quickly (and more or less against her will) pulled into a discussion about the very same healing potion once more. Now, in a smaller group of far less hostile people, she felt more comfortable with repeating her suggestion and explaining how she had gotten to the realization in the first place. Many people asked for her name, her age, her profession… and some went even further and asked for her opinion on all kinds of topics related to potions and even herbology. Robin did her best to answer with knowledge and educated guesses, but seeing as she was actually taken seriously by the people who bothered to talk to her in the first place, she also didn’t hesitate to say when she didn’t know about something. In those latter cases, she asked the person she was speaking to for suggestions on books or articles on the topic, so that she could one day maybe answer their question on a more profound basis. Finally, some time after eleven at night, she made for the train back to Oxford with a long list of things to read up on, and an even longer one of people she had left an impression with.
… … …
The days after the conference were as dreadful as the summer usually was, and any opportunity to make something out of the free time stayed ridiculously absent. Thus Robin was bored out of her mind even more quickly than usual, therefore spent more time reading than likely was good for her, and generally found herself desperately wishing to be able to return to school already. Every bit the usual summer.
After two weeks of this mind numbing madness however, Robin’s days became a little more bearable with an unexpected turn of events. She was sitting at breakfast, her parents about to leave for the day, when her mom came back into the kitchen to hand Robin a letter, saying it looked like her friends from school had finally thought of her after all. Robin didn’t have the heart nor the time to tell her that she didn’t even have friends, so she just took the letter out of her mom’s hand with a quiet thank you, shrugged at the question who it was from and merely tossed it onto a stack of books in feigned indifference. Then she wished her mom and dad a nice day at work, and continued to sip on her black coffee.
However, the very second the front door fell shut and the house silent in return, Robin had the letter in her hands again and flipped it over to see her name written on the envelope in the familiar spidery cursive she’d missed seeing in the past few weeks. Her heart skipped a beat, and she didn’t know if she should be scared or excited about this letter. Both, probably. Without wasting another second, she opened the envelope with a kitchen knife and fiddled a folded piece of parchment out of it. Yup, definitely scared and excited at once. But if she was in trouble, it surely would’ve been an official school letter, right? Not just an average envelope with nothing but her name on it… bloody hell, her heartbeat was louder than the silence around her. With a deep breath, she unfolded the letter at last.
Miss Mitchell.
You might find yourself wondering what led me to write to you in between terms, and you will find the main answer to that in the envelope with this letter.
Robin stopped reading at that point and took another look into the envelope she had carelessly dropped onto the counter. There was another piece of paper in it, folded in half as well, but Robin could already tell by the look of it that it was a newspaper cutout. Once she unfolded it, she found herself both smiling and feeling too warm in the face at once. It was the photograph that had been taken at the conference, with a short article beneath it. It was nothing special, just a little text about how many people had attended and which topics had been discussed, and thus Robin found herself looking at the moving photograph for a longer moment instead. Really, she’d known that she had somewhat stood out from the crowd, but the picture made it undeniably evident. About fifty much older people in thick and flowing robes and with the most serious faces, and Robin right in the middle with her short skirt, victorian style blouse and a small smile. Oh dear… she almost dreaded going back to Snape’s letter. He surely would be complaining about her choice of clothes, but she honestly hadn’t known better. Her attire would’ve been perfectly ordinary in the muggle world. Oh well… at least the photograph was a lovely reminder of the admittedly amazing day she’d had at the conference. Careful not to crease the picture any more than the folds it already had, she put it into her most recent journal and then finally went back to the letter.
Miss Mitchell.
You might find yourself wondering what led me to write to you in between terms, and you will find the answer to that in the envelope together with this letter. The picture was published in the Daily Prophet the day after the conference. This cutout was sent to me a few days later, by an acquaintance who you should have met at the event, Patrick Isaac. I assume you are not keeping up with the news, not with the Prophet at least, which is why I decided to forward the picture to you directly. Perhaps you would like to keep the cutout, you certainly have more use for it than I do.
Furthermore it might interest you to know that Mister Isaac, together with the picture, sent me a fairly long letter to gush over a certain young witch by the name of Robin Mitchell who attended the conference with him and who obviously was rumored to be a friend of mine. I will spare you the details of his disconcertingly detailed elaborations, but overall it appears that you have earned yourself quite a few admirers among the attendees, if the other six letters that I have received in your praise are any indicator of that. It seems that you have surprised me yet again, which indeed does not surprise me at all.
However I still would like to know more about the 'remarkable incident’ involving a certain new potion that was discussed. Multiple people reference it in the context of your astonishing intellect, yet without ever elaborating on the issue. What did you do this time that rendered competent professionals quite so speechless? I expect your timely reply, seeing as you do not have further plans for the summer anyway.
Snape
Robin frowned at the last few lines, then sighed to herself and dropped the letter on the counter to make another cup of coffee first. Well, at least writing a letter would give her something to do. And writing a letter to Snape would give her something enjoyable to do indeed. A smile spread on her lips as she set the kettle on the stove. He could’ve waited until after the holidays to give her the clipping, and even to ask her about the conference, but he had sent a letter instead and that made Robin smile even more. Maybe, in some reality, he actually enjoyed talking to her too. Seriously enjoyed it, that is, not just because she kept on talking to him first. Once the kettle whistled, she added the boiling water to her instant coffee and then balanced the letter, the envelope, her book, her journal AND the coffee mug up the stairs and towards the desk in her room. She had a letter to write after all.
… … …
Robin received the next letter three weeks after she had written to Snape about her experiences at the conference. She’d been careful in her explanations to always leave some things unsaid so she would have something to tell him in person, but she had elaborated on the conversations she’d had with people he might possibly know.
This time his letter was dropped off by an owl on a Sunday evening, which almost gave Robin’s dad a seizure when the poor animal landed on the windowsill next to his armchair. Somehow muggles just couldn’t get used to the post being delivered by owls… People have used pigeons to deliver messages for decades; what was so weird about owls now?!
“Oh look, it has the same illegible handwriting on it as the last one.” Her mom smiled as she picked up the envelope that again just had Robin’s name written on it. “How come your friend didn’t write to you in the last years?”
“We, uh… we’ve only been friends since rather recently.” Robin replied evasively and snatched the envelope out of her mother’s hand. “And his handwriting isn’t illegible! It’s just… kinda squiggly.”
“If you say so, sweetie.” Her mom shrugged, and turned back towards the living room. “You must have a lot of practice deciphering his handwriting if you find it legible.”
“We work together. A lot.” Robin mused and thumbed over the rough corners of the envelope. “On… essays.”
“Well, if I had to grade his essays, he surely wouldn’t come very far.” Her dad replied with a snarky expression while he didn’t even look up from his book. “I’m surprised that you write essays in that school in the first place. Not just bunnies in top hats then, huh?”
“You are who wouldn’t come very far.” Robin whispered to herself with a roll of her eyes as she made for her room with her letter still clasped tightly in hand, not even honoring her father’s remark with a reply. Honestly, her dad wouldn’t understand a single word about anything magical at all, seeing as he made every attempt not to, nor would he ever understand that she wasn’t attending a clown’s college but a serious magical academy. And… oh bloody hell, he would probably hate Snape with a passion. Well, good thing they never had to meet. Hopefully. Unfortunately. Ugh… that crush of hers wasn’t getting any better, rather on the opposite. But she usually could ignore it pretty well these days.
With a sigh she sat down on the carpeted floor, leaning against the post of her bed as she opened the envelope at last. This letter was a lot shorter than the first, but she didn’t mind. The sole fact that he had replied even though he didn’t have to was enough to make her skin crawl in excitement.
Miss Mitchell.
I cannot believe that you told off one of the best renowned potioneers in the country, and obviously were in the right to do so. What I would give to have been a witness of the incident indeed; I have always had a rather strong distaste for that man. You will need to tell me more on the specifics of the circumstances once term starts.
Furthermore I have come to the decision that I would like you to assist me in my practical work and studies from now, seeing as I deem any other mode of teaching you insufficient and thus pointless. Your knowledge is already on an acceptable level, as you have once more proven at the conference, and I believe it is time that your practical capabilities keep up with both my standards for your work and your own. You will assist me in my work, and in return I will do my best to teach you everything I possibly can. Seeing as you have run out of books of mine to read, I believe this addition to our already prevalent nightly meetings to be in your best interest as well. I am looking forward to the new term.
Snape
Seconds ticked by and Robin stared at the letter in her hands with a positive numbness, until at last her lips curled into a smile, then a grin, and at last she felt an overwhelming excitement at the opportunity that had just opened up in front of her. Well, and the fact that he had in all seriousness written 'already prevalent nightly meetings’ without any care in the world. It was amazing how absolutely serious and yet casual he was about it. A pleasant shudder ran up Robin’s spine, all the way into her neck. He couldn’t mind her presence all that much if he suggested her to spend even more time perched into the minimal space of the laboratory with him, could he?
She had been helping out in the lab on a few occasions since their endeavour with the restored page in her third year, but it by far hadn’t been a regular thing nor one that could be described as real practical experience. While she’d been desperately wanting and wishing to do this kind of practical work with Snape again, for a multitude of reasons, she had never actually believed that she might. And now she would. God, she couldn’t wait for the holidays to be over already.
______________________________
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niceandspicehotel · 3 years
Text
Kyra Ocs!
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            ❝Oh! Hello there, would you like some flowers?❞
                                             『Basic Info』
↬ Name: Lily
↬ Age:23
↬ Sexuality: Pansexual
↬ Likes: Baking, flowers, painting, her friends
↬ Dislikes: Rude people, burnt food, when people won’t leave her alone even when she tells them to, people who think their opinion is the only one.
↬ Pronouns: She/Her
                                        『Get to know her!』
↬ An absolute sweetheart with big mother energy. Never fails to see the good in people. 
↬ Lily is a social butterfly who loves getting to know people no matter who they are. She believes that no one is truly evil therefore people think of her as naive and carefree.
↬ She will always make sure you’re alright and will do anything to cheer you up if you’re ever feeling down. The last thing she ever wants is for her friends to feel sad.
                                           『Random facts』
↬ She grew up in a foster home and loves her family.
↬ A people pleaser and perfectionist, she has a need to be perfect around everyone in her life, therefore, developing atychiphobia (fear of failure).
↬ She tries to avoid smoking and drinking but will do so when highly stressed.
↬ She loves drawing flowers especially carnation as it is her favourite flower.
↬ Food fanatic, will go to a completely different state and maybe country just to try the food there.
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      Tw: Mention of abuse, guns, hurting people and gangsters. Please skip Rose’s character section if you feel uncomfortable with these topics ^^
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❝Hm? Oh, you wanna talk? Didn’t think I was an approachable person, have a seat. ❞
                                           『Basic Info』
↬ Name: Rose
↬ Age: 22
↬ Sexuality: Bisexual
↬ Likes: Action movies, fantasy books, coffee
↬ Dislikes: Assholes, people who insult/hurt her friends, bugs, messy places, hookers
↬ Pronouns: Doesn’t care
                                                『Get to know them!』
↬ Had a neglectful father and her mother left when she was young so she only saw her brother, Cane, as her actual family.
↬ She spent a lot of her young years with gangsters around her area making her well known among the community.
↬ Despite it all, she’s loyal and can be sweet if you’re nice. Once close to her, she will protect you and hurt anyone who does anything remotely bad. The person better hopes they didn’t piss her off until she can put them in a hospital for a long time.
                                        『Random facts』
↬ She wears red colour contacts because she likes them for an aesthetic purpose.
↬ She developed a scar around her neck when she got into a fight with one of the gang members who wrapped a rope around it. Luckily, she defeated them quickly.
↬ She’s a gun enthusiast, always studies guns and practice it (in safe places ofc) whenever she had the chance.
↬ Has an extremely short temper, she will try to control herself but if she doesn’t and gets angry at a friend, she will feel bad and apologies multiple times alongside buying them something nice.
↬ Dislikes hookers because she found out her mom was one and it was the very reason why her mom left her family.
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                 ❝Were you staring? Don’t be afraid, I don’t bite.❞
                                        『Basic Info』
↬ Name: Cane
↬ Age: 27
↬ Sexuality: Homoromantic Asexual
↬ Likes: Making music, clubbing, fashion
↬ Dislikes: People taking advantage, shallow people, beer 
↬ Pronouns: He/Him
                                     『Get to know him!』
↬ Unlike his sister, Rose, he spent his time making music with whatever he had at that moment, whether it’s a couple of beer bottles or just the table.
↬ Extremely laid back and chill, he just tries to enjoy as much life as he gets. He does still take care of his health though.
↬ Will take you to the lots of hidden gems in the city as he likes enjoying things with someone else. Does his best to make sure you have the best night of your life by taking you to all kinds of places.
                                        『Random facts』
↬ He dyed his hair magenta as a dare but ended up liking it and keeping it that colour ever since.
↬ He refuses to have any kind of beer as it just reminds him of back home so he tries to avoid bars if he can.
↬ Has a soft spot for animals plushies, has a bed full of them. If someone gets him one, he will forever love them.
↬ Sucks at remembering things so don’t ask him to do you a favour that involves trying to remember to turn off the stove or something as that person might have their house burned down or worse.
↬ A hardcore party person since he often does gigs at clubs and will get his friends to drink as much as him causing them to possibly vomit or faint. Will take responsibility but might tease them the next day.
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    ❝Oh hey! Name’s Jasmine, hope you’re awesome- Wait no I don’t mean it like that, I bet you’re already awesome- Imma just stop talking❞
                                              『Basic Info』
↬ Name: Jasmine
↬ Age: 24
↬ Sexuality: Omnisexual
↬ Likes: Cafe, writing, jogging
↬ Dislikes: Loud places, discrimination, dogs
↬ Pronouns: She/Her
                                        『Get to know her!』
↬ Clumsy af, most people make sure to steer her away from dangerous objects so she doesn’t hurt her or anyone in the place. She truly doesn’t mean it she swears! She just has no idea how she can trip while walking normally.
↬She’s extremely cheery and optimistic, no matter how much shit life throws at her, she’s somehow standing up great as ever. People look up at her due to that.
↬Major crackhead energy, she is the type of person who will make you laugh if you’re down whether intentionally or not. She likes seeing her friends smile so she doesn’t mind a bit of humiliation every once in a while.
                                         『Random facts』
↬She doesn’t like dogs cause she thinks dogs will bite her the moment she puts out her hand. Plus she pissed a dog off once by accident when she was small and the rest is story.
↬ Actually doesn’t like her freckles and tries to cover them up with makeup sometimes.
↬ She enjoys going to the park especially after it rained as it is cold and the aftermath rain smell is wonderful to her.
↬ She can’t cook or bake which is why she often spends her time in cafes. Lily has been trying to teach her to bake and still hasn’t given up ever since despite the bad attempts.
↬ Noises distract her a lot therefore she avoids a lot of noisy places.
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         ❝Sorry? Oh! Hi. I...am not sure what to say...nice to meet you..?❞
                                                  『Basic Info』
↬ Name: Iris
↬ Age: 25
↬ Sexuality: Lesbian
↬ Likes: Relaxing, watching romance films, staying in bed
↬ Dislikes: Large crowds, people overtalking her, confrontation, small conversations
↬ Pronouns: She/They
                                           『Get to know them!』
↬ With Iris introvert and shy personality, they find it hard to make friends and often stick to people they already know.
↬ She spent most of her life away from people as she often experiences social anxiety if things get too overwhelming.
↬ At first, they will be quiet and not say much but the closer you are to her, the more she will speak and tell you about her interest. They are great at listening and will always be there to listen to your rants or problems.
                                              『Random facts』
↬ She is actually very curious and is willing to learn new things every day.
↬ Watching the sunset/sunrise is one of their favourite activities. Bonus if someone they is comfortable with watches with them and they both have chocolate drinks on the table.
↬ When people compliment her, she gets extremely flustered and will try to change the topic.
↬ Found out she likes girls when she was dared to kiss one guy and one girl and ended up liking the girl kiss.
↬ Scatterbrain, always somehow loses their stuff and finds it at the most obvious spot after an hour of searching.
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I will add more characters in the future when I can <3
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angeliise · 4 years
Text
Day 15: You Are Everything I’ve Never Believed In
He didn’t believe in anything. He couldn’t believe in everything. Friendships. Family.
Love...
He had all of those taken away from him in a single night. From that day on, he refused to believe in anything. Why? Because they weren’t there with him anymore, and he could never restore the memories of his past life. That was until-
*Bump*
Sasuke rubbed his forehead in annoyance at the sudden impact he made on the ground. He looked up at the person who had bumped into him and found a girl with her eyes covered by her bangs. “Watch where you are going.”
“S-Sorry.” She shyly said, still keeping her head down. When she looked up, Sasuke was drawn in by the blankness of her eyes. They were varying shades of white and lavender, but her rosy red cheeks enhanced the tiny twinkles in her eyes.
“U-Um…” He heard her stutter. Sasuke flinched when her hand was in his near view.
“Huh?”
“Do y-you need a hand g-getting up?”
“Tsk.” He slapped her hand away. “I don’t need it.” He said as he stood and walked away.
That had been Sasuke’s first encounter with Hinata Hyuga. An encounter he never thought would turn into one in many.  
*****
Sasuke sighed into the blue sky, his mind stuck on the Forest of Death exam. From Naruto saving him from Orochimaru to Sakura taking on two ninjas while protecting him and Naruto. All in the name of what? Friendship? “Pathetic.”
There was no such thing as friendship. People betray others. They stab each other in the backs for their selfish reasons and leave one thinking what their fault in all of this was? What had Sasuke deserved to be betrayed like that by Itachi? What had he-
*Quak* *quak* *quak*
Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the sudden sound of ducks. It was then he remembered that he had walked so far into the Konoha forest that he found himself sitting by the little water stream again. The sunlight shone through the tall leaves above him. Sasuke released a breath of relief at the silence of nature.
How he wished his world could stay like this forever. He didn’t need anyone. He didn’t need to rely on anybody. For that reason he didn’t need to believe in anything for he had himself in the very end.
He looked over his shoulder at the intruding eyes on his back. “What are you doing here?”
He saw her make a tiny jump and fiddle with her fingers as she searched for the words. He sighed and looked back at the water until he heard her footsteps approaching. “I asked you, what are you doing here?”
“I-I’m here to f-f-feed the ducks.”
She knelt down beside Sasuke. Sasuke was a bit taken aback by how comfortable she was by his side and shifted a little to make some space. He watched as she opened a bag that contained huge chunks of bread. Sasuke sharpened his eyes. When she took a piece out and was about to offer one of the ducks, he stopped her. “What are you doing?”
“Eh? F-F-Feeding the ducks…”
Sasuke mentally facepalmed at how the benightedness coloured each and every word of hers. “Those pieces are too big for a duck.”
“Really?”
Sasuke snatched the piece out of her fingers and broke them into smaller pieces. He let his hand out and waited for the ducks to walk over to him. When they did his eyes were back at the lavender eyed girl whose name he never got despite being her classmate.
When he felt that he had stared her down enough he spoke again. “Good grief. Is this the first time you are feeding ducks?”
She was again playing with pressing her fingers against each other. “Y-Yes.”
Sasuke let an exaggerated sigh escape his mouth. She jumped a little from that. Though Sasuke was getting increasingly annoyed by all the stupid poeple around him, at least she wasn’t a Sakura who would pounce at him or a Naruto who would pick a fight for any reason.
“You, what’s your name?”
“Me?” Sasuke nearly lashed at her for that. She giggled at his reaction and Sasuke quickly regained his composure. “M-My name is Hyuuga Hinata. And yours?”
Sasuke was shocked by her question. He pointed to himself. “You… you don’t know who I am?.”
Hinata chuckled again. “I-I do. But w-w-we never got to for-formally introduce ourselves.”
Sasuke wanted to make a slick comment but she wasn’t wrong. And a very tiny part of him liked how different she was compared to the rest. “My name is Uchiha Sasuke.”
She nodded and smiled at him. Though Sasuke didn’t smile back, he did look away to hide the surprised look on his face. Her smile, unlike others, was genuine. No ill intent was meant by it. No plat gateway to a confession. No initiation for a physical brawl. None of that. When he looked back, Hinata was in the midst of breaking down the huge bread pieces.
Sasuke couldn’t explain the feeling. But he somehow wanted a reaction out of her since she had managed to get a rise out of him. Twice. So he aggressively snatched the bag from her lap and began breaking down the bread himself. Although her eyes showed bewilderment, there was no sign of annoyance or irritation. When Hinata reached her hand into the bag, Sasuke pushed it out of her reach. “I’ll do it.”
Hinata smiled again. “O-Okay.” - “Oi!” - “T-Then I-I will feed them with the pieces you have already broken down.”
“Hinata!”
Hinata only responded with a surprised chuckle which she hid with her palm in such an elegant manner he nearly saw a flash of his mother. Sasuke sat back, trying to glue his eyes to the bag of bread but stealing a few glances here and there.
Sasuke and Hinata proceeded to feed the ducks in peace as they took in the sounds of mother nature. Although no words were spoken, Sasuke found it dare he say… fun? Relaxing, actually. To spend his free time on this. He had seen the ducks around a few times but never bothered with him. But now, he couldn’t believe he was feeding them.
As the last piece was gone, both ninjas sat back and admired as the blue sky emerged into a mixture of an orange and pink.
“I never got to ask but, why did you come to feed the ducks?”
Hinata hugged her knees. “I just felt like it.”
Sasuke didn’t believe her. Especially since her voice had taken a more sad tone to it than before. As he was speculating about it, he noticed a small case in her pocket making its way out. When Hinata moved due to Sasuke’s actions, the round case fell out. Both reached out for it and in that moment Sasuke’s hand made contact with her wrist. Hinata winced.
“What’s wrong?”
Hinata shook her head. “It’s nothing. It’s just minor bruises from training.”
Sasuke looked at her for a minute before shrugging. She was a ninja and training could get quite vigorous at times so he let it go.
“Sasuke-kun?” Hinata asked a while later.
“Hm?” He noticed how she was stuttering anymore.
“Say if you knew someone who was better than you at everything, what would you do to prove to them and everybody else that you were worth it regardless?”
Sasuke grimaced when that was a question his younger self would constantly ask himself. Itachi was better at him in everything. He learned everything at a much younger age and mastered them that same age. He was admired by everybody for that reason. He was especially favoured by his father for that reason. While Sasuke… Sasuke was left to fend for himself until his father would even bother with him.
Yet, he couldn’t think of an answer. He looked at Hinata whose eyes were staring at the water. He never wanted to appear weak or vulnerable to anyone but... Hinata. He couldn’t sense any ulterior motive behind her question. Everything about Hinata, in the little time he had been with her, was genuine, pure and… kind. It brought him back to the time he had bumped into her and how she carried herself in that situation. Just pure elegance and innocence on her part. It was for those reasons that he didn’t mind opening up with her this time. Something he hoped wouldn’t be the biggest mistake of his life.
“To be honest with you, I don’t know.”
Hinata looked at Sasuke while he continued. “I think, no matter what, as long as you improve in your own skills,” he looked at her, “everything will work out.”
“Did that happen to you?”
Sasuke smirked. “No, not yet.”
****
Since then, Sasuke and Hinata would frequently find themselves by the stream sharing stories between each other. Hinata would always forget to cut the bread into tiny pieces but those moments while they were breaking down the bread were precious. There was the time when baby ducklings crawled all over him when he had tried to get a reaction out of Hinata again. They had managed to overwhelm him, invading his clothes even to which he made the most animated movements to get them out. All the while Hinata was laughing, not chuckling, but laughing! Something she had never done. She always held back or would suppress it.
Sasuke shot a shuriken at the tree dummy. Another time they had dwelled into a heavy part in both of their childhoods of being neglected by their fathers. When Sasuke was about to ask Hinata about her father’s treatment of her, she had thrown off her shows, rolled up her pants and dashed into the water. Sasuke found himself speechless and was going to ask again until he noticed how bright and warm her smile was as she splashed her feet in the stream. Hinata’s smile, over time, had become his favorite part about her. How, despite the mistreatment from her Clan, she still found it in her to smile and be happy. She was still so kind and welcoming of others, even for a person like himself who had been cold towards her in the beginning. He never felt like upholding his cold demeanour which, he had come to learn, was exhausting to force all the time. But with Hinata, he could actually enjoy himself. Something he thought he couldn’t do anymore because of his goal of killing his brother and restoring the clan.
Sasuke flashed before the dummy and kicked its side. Following that he made it a goal to make her smile at least once at their every encounter. Even going as far as dragging her into the water when he saw her face turn into a grimace. In fact, he couldn’t wait to meet her. He couldn’t wait to see what other nonsense they would find themselves in. Sasuke grinned. Those nonsense moments he had come to cherish a lot. Those moments always slipped into his mind during training, which had his team shocked at Sasuke who grinned once from a memory.
He had come to care for Hinata a lot. He didn’t want to feed the ducks with anybody but her. He didn’t want to indulge in funny banters with anyone but her. He didn’t want to show his playful side, the aspect of him that he had lost, with anyone but her. “She probably doesn’t know how much she has impacted me, does she?”
He had succeeded in making her smile, except for today. He had noticed a lack of energy and it was further confirmed by the dark rings under her eyes. But for some reason, those marks didn’t seem like regular bags under the eye.
The starry night had befallen Konoha and Sasuke was panting as he finished his last round of shurikens with the wooden dummy. As he walked through the trees, he spotted another training ground with an individual laying on the floor. “Hinata!”
Sasuke dashed over to Hinata and knelt down to her. The minute he had done so she shot her eyes open, sitting upright. “S-Sasuke-kun.”
“What happened?!”
“I-I was just t-t-training.” Hinata saw the concern in Sasuke’s eyes and blushed. She had grown fond of Sasuke over the time that they had spent together and although she knew he wouldn’t reciprocate her feelings. She gave him a tiny smile. “I’m fine, really.”
Sasuke internally rolled his eyes as he had observed that whenever she stopped stuttering it would be because she was hiding something that was bothering her. He offered her his hand.
Hinata smiled at the gesture and absentmindedly took it, not minding the breeze moving her sleeve downwards.
Sasuke shot his eyes down to her wrist that was covered in a bluish colour. “What’s with that wound?!”
Sasuke clapped his lips shut by his aggressive reaction. He shook his pride away and pressed her to answer the question, watching as her mouth began to waver.
“I just went overboard with training.”
“Hinata.” He grabbed her chin in his other hand.
Hinata felt her tears building up and tried her best to- too late, for the stream of salty water ran down her cheeks. “I was beat by him again!”
She tried to wring herself out of Sasuke’s grip and winced in the process, but instead Sasuke grabbed her other wrist. “Hinata.”
“It was Neji-nii-san! He will always be better than me! There is nothing I can do to beat him and because of that father will never approve of me!”
“Hinata.”
Hinata cried as she hastily tried to free herself. “I will never be good enough! Not for Neji-nii-san, father… me.”
Sasukes’ eyes widen by the last word. Me. She was never going to be good enough for herself. Sasuke absentmindedly loosened his grip which allowed her to break free. Before he got to know Hinata, Sasuke never felt fulfilled. Not that there was nothing missing. But.. there was nothing because he didn’t believe in anything. Nothing to him meant anything. But all of that changed when he met her. She showed him that there was something worth believing in. Friendship. Family. L… Love.
Love. Yes, the one thing Sasuke believed was non existent ever since his whole Clan was massacred. He never thought he could love or be loved but… Sasuke looked at Hinata’s sorrowful wailing. There was something to believe in. There was a reason to believe in something. That something being love, and the person who showed him that was- “Hinata.”
Sasuke gently took her tiny hands into his, locking his eyes with hers. “You will always be enough for me.”
Hinata whimpered, swallowing the heavy lump in her throat. “Always?”
….
The corners of Sasuke’s mouth cranked upwards, to a point where his cheeks were indented with tiny holes. Sasuke happily smiled at Hinata, the dearest person he knew. “Always.”
*****
Sasuke didn’t believe in anything. Sasuke couldn’t believe in everything. Friendships. Family. Love. That was until he met her. The girl who became the only person Sasuke trusted, cared for and most of all, loved. His feelings for Hinata kept growing in ways he didn’t know. All this time he thought that he loved her for the good friend she was to him. But on that night where she came running into his arms about how much she had missed him the moment he stepped inside of Konoha after going with Orochimaru, he couldn’t stop himself anymore.
Sasuke gave Hinata’s hand a tiny squeeze as they stood on a bridge, looking over the water.
Sasuke, still holding her hand, leaned against the bridge with his arms crossed against the wood. Hinata placed her other hand on the bridge.
Sasuke looked into the sky and basked in peach-colored sky. “Bakanata.” A nickname he would often call her. Not that he meant it, but it was the first and only thing that would make her react in a way Sasuke found dearing.
When Hinata was about to speak, Sasuke stopped her with his finger on her lips. “I didn’t believe in friendships, family or love.”
“S-Sasuke-kun.” She said through his finger.
Sasuke chuckled and removed his finger. He leaned away from the bridge and stood in front her, holding both of her hands. Slightly leaning himself down on her so their foreheads touched. “You are everything that I didn’t believe in.”
Hinatas’ eyes widened and widened even further when Sasuke captured her lips in a passionate kiss. When he pulled back, she pouted. “W-Why d-did you have to st-stop so soon?”
Sasuke again chuckled. “Hinata, I love you.”
Hinata giggled with him. “I love you, Sasuke-kun.”
@sasuhinamonth
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bobbieyay · 4 years
Text
For the past two years after being a two-decade old guy.
I thought I had it solved already.
That I had surpassed it.
When my resolve of moving on was quite enough to go onto the next phase. It wasn't. Deep in my heart, it's digging. The times of neglecting it were useless.
Thinking, I had obliterated the pierce inside my heart.
I had my first job during my fourth year in college as call center agent. It was exhausting. Never thought of being one. I never excelled, just a go with a flow guy, who seemed couldn't get along well with the system. Two months later, I was transferred to another account because of the company problem, but at the back of my mind, i was chosen to be transferred because i wasn't needed; I was incompetent. During that days, I was so tired; doing school and work duties at the same time wasn't really an ideal. Weeks and months have passed, I was still struggling on that field. During my first day of call handling on that account, we were called by the supervisor. "Those who have absences shall be terminated." Of course, I had two on my end. And unfortunately, I was one of them. I got terminated. And I was okay. I even laughed at it. I was unemployed during the first month of my last semester in college. I was fine. It was nothing to think about.
Third month of the year, my very own Lola passed away. I haven't seen her for almost five years, and on that five years, I only heard her voice once. And it was choppy. My lola died; and I wasn't there. She didn't wait for me. She left without saying a word to me. She left without seeing me for the last time. She left me so sudden. I was on the verge of giving up things; thesis, studies, life and whatnot. I went home, and inside the plane; I was whining. Sobbing into tears. "Lola, why you didn't wait for me, how can you be like this to me." When I arrived, I cried so loud, thinking of my lola would hear me enough for her to wake up. Then my mama whispered: "Please anak, stop crying, I'm still here." Then she almost fainted. I stopped. Yet, the feeling that I felt was overwhelming. I wasn't able to even kiss my lola in the end.
On that time, I was doing my production thesis alone. Since I thought I could make it. My interviews were cancelled. I don't know how I managed to finish the paper and the other stuff. Maybe it was a way of somewhat called miracle. The final defense came, and I knew, the panel wasn't satisfied. To be frank, I was not satisfied with the presentation I presented. Time had passed and my paper was nominated for "Best Thesis" then somehow the result leaked. So I got it! I was one of them who got the title. Honestly, I can't say it loud enough to be proud of what I have done. Of course I was disappointed. I made it out of pity, since for the least, my paper wasn't deserving of the title.
On the day of the recognition, I went to my tita's house to meet my parents who came all the way from Davao to attend my graduation. Mama hugged me. She kissed me. And able to say these painful words I ever heard "Sorry nak ni kusing wala koy nahatag nimo nga nagskwela kag college." It hurts me knowing that they're in pain. Pain that I can't erase. Of how they think of theirselves as nothing. I made it where I am because of them. Surviving while struggling. And it's fine. They molded me as how I should be.
It's graduation day. Seeing those people who went to stage to get their awards made me envious of them. Remembering the day that I promised my sister that I'll get a latin award. Funny, how could I even dream of something way bigger. It somehow just didn't fit well to me. I could still think of how our professor in Advertising declined our video ad because it wasn't good at all, it's even far from good. I still think of our papers that were rejected in our PR class in finals of our third year in college. Getting low marks in other subjects makes me used to it as well. Hence, I was just wasting my endless sleepless nights, tears and the dream of becoming a better one in a full four damn year.
It's been a year since I landed on my second job as part of the marketing team. I enjoyed my stay there. I get to know people who are very healthy to me. I was lucky enough to got the job. But of course, sometimes, things that are good upfront doesn't end well. I almost stayed there for six months. There were frustrations of growing which is good, taking things seriously since it was a real world to face. As how I thought of becoming stable in that company is the same as how it drastically drag me out from it. We we're not compensated on time which I did really need money and so many things happened that we cannot control; so, we marketing team decided to resign as a team due to poor flow of system in the company. And that makes me resigned from my second job on the same month i was terminated from my first job. What a coincidence!
So as I am walking unemployed again, I lost chances, opportunities, dreams that were formed, money, sometimes will and some were people. Yes, I lost people who are very dear to me. People whom I knew and accepted of who they were and what they were. People I thought of walking with towards the future. Actually, there's this one being who's very important to me. He was a bestfriend. He was my first truest guy friend in college. Since I rarely have guy friends because of their misinterpretation to me. I don't know. It just made me sad of why we separated our ways when we could have gone together along with our other best friends achieving what's in front of us. Without reason, I was snub. I was ousted by my best friend. Ow god, how I missed him walking towards me crying.
Of course, there I walk in a lonely road.
Empty streets with an empty will inside my head.
Oh simple dreams and things, where have you gone.
I don't dream. I just walk, trying to somehow catch my shadow's shadow. Impossible! Yes it's just impossible. It's late and dark. I walk alone and will always walk alone in a street where dreams obfuscate. Broken; piece by piece can't just be fixed. I lost faith, yet I gained despair. For the very least, I gained something, a someone; A guy who can't cry and who has no dreams.
Now, on my twenty-second year...
I thought I already moved on.
That it's fine that I got terminated.
That my lola left this world already.
That it was okay to have the title out of pity.
That I broke the promise I made.
That, I thought I could share the heavy feelings of my loved ones. But I didn't. I am feeling lighter than they are.
That it's okay to be unemployed again and just look for another job.
That, it's fine to be a burden to others.
That it's okay to lose a friend.
But it's not. It's raging inside.
Well, maybe, I am just wasting time, chasing this decimated life of mine.
Happy Birthday!
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newtinalover · 6 years
Text
About Johnny Depp in Fantastic Beasts and what does this mean for me
Well, there is some time I want to comment about the case Johnny Depp in Fantastic Beasts and after these statements by David Yates and JK Rowling, I would first like to share this Claire Willett thread @clairewillett on twitter: https://twitter.com/clairewillett/status/938890109893591040
We all know the story of The Publishing House That Harry Potter Built, how everyone passed on her manuscript until Scholastic said "sure, what the hell, we'll buy it," and then she like singlehandedly turned the ship around with all those sweet sweet Potterbucks. Amazing.
I want to love J.K. Rowling. I truly love the Harry Potter books.  I truly love the world she created.  I truly believe that those books have transformed our culture in some ways that are really positive.  I am a proud Ravenclaw and Hermione Granger is my Patronus. 
But.
I've been trying to put my finger on what it is that makes me feel so disappointed in Rowling's words and behavior of late - not just the Depp thing, but also the Navajo skinwalkers thing from last year with Ilvermorny - and I think I've finally figured it out.
As a writer, I found her origin story so inspiring. She was a broke single mom on public assistance and, as Lin-Manuel Miranda says, she wrote her way out of her circumstances. The art of storytelling changed her life. That's beautiful to me.
So the story of J.K. Rowling the author is the story of someone who was given public assistance by the government, and was given a chance to succeed by a publishing house who believed in her. She was helped when she needed help. That's how she became who she became.
And the story that made her famous is the story of a kid in terrible circumstances - abuse, neglect, loneliness, danger, grief - who is helped when he needed help, and is willing to sacrifice for others.
I believe that the J.K. Rowling who first wrote those books espoused the values that the books stand for. But now she is the most recognizable author in the entire world and is a kabillionaire and suddenly I am no longer sure if her values are the same.
The Ilvermorny debacle was the first moment where I began to really see the defensiveness of Wealthy White Feminism seep into the way Rowling responded to critique of her work. There were so many better ways to handle it and she swung and missed SO BADLY.
See, and here's a place where as a writer I am fully 100% in sympathy with her, Rowling is now completely boxed in by the Potterverse. She's reached a level of fame where this is the only thing the world is ever going to let her write from now on.  Even if it's time to stop.
If she tries to write ANYTHING ELSE, even under an assumed name like she  did with "The Casual Vacancy," she'll get outed and it gets held up next to the Potterverse books anyway.  She can't escape it. So I get the desire to find a way to broaden the world.
What she SHOULD have done, in deciding that she wanted to expand the Potterverse to explore other cultures, is either A) partner with writers FROM those cultures to create and flesh out the backstory, or B) at MINIMUM do a fuckton more research into them than she did.
So when she released the story of Ilvermorny on Pottermore and everyone was like "girl no you cannot use things that are SACRED to Native culture like that," it was clear that no Native folks had been consulted by the white British lady about how this would make them feel.
It is . . . not difficult to imagine how Native peoples might feel like the rich white British lady showing up to appropriate stories and symbols she doesn't understand for her own personal financial gain might be, um . . . you know, an unpleasantly familiar sensation.
So, okay. There's backlash. People are frustrated. The old J.K. Rowling, who built a fantastical wizarding world on the framework of a set of progressive values that champion diversity? You'd think she would have heard that and listened, right? Maybe apologized? Yeah, no.
That's because the Potterverse is no longer just the story she poured out from her heart in that tiny apartment in the few hours she could carve out while her kids were sleeping, the story that saved her and turned her life around. Now it is a multi-million dollar business.
Which brings us back to the Johnny Depp question, and why her response today was so enormously frustrating.
The thing that is very very important to understand about writers whose books are made into movies or TV shows is that they have control over casting, writing, story structure and production approximately nothing percent of the time.  There are incredibly few exceptions.
People like Diana Gabaldon and George R.R. Martin are given a lot of creative control, compared to other writers, in the making of their shows, because they were big-ass stars already and they have agents who would have demanded that before signing anything.
But the vast majority of writers, when they're lucky enough to sell the rights to something, have no ability to affect the outcome after that.   Which includes casting.  99.99% of writers who find a problematic actor cast in their book's movie are stuck with him.
But the exception to this rule is people exactly like J.K. Rowling, and that's why I'm angry at her.
Rowling is a producer on the Potter movies.  Rowling has arguably more creative control over the film versions of her books than any other writer who has ever lived. If she wanted Johnny Depp out, she could have made it happen.  She did not.
Let's recall that the old Rowling, the one writing the first Potter book by hand on legal pads in her public assistance apartment, the brave and creative scrapper whose love for these characters saved her and kept her going, wrote a hero who ESCAPES A LIFE OF ABUSE.
Harry lives with a family that abuses, mistreats and neglects him, and then gaslights him about that abuse until it's all he knows and understands and he can't imagine a better life, but he's saved by people who tell him "you deserve better than this."
What makes it possible for Harry to return to the Dursleys' house every summer between school terms and no longer suffer psychological harm from their abuse is that now he understands that that treatment was not normal and not something he somehow deserved.
There are also too many incidents to count throughout all seven books where a major plot point hinges on a character saying "this is a terrible thing that happened to me" and whether or not they are believed about their own story: ´´Did that thing REALLY happen? Did you REALLY see the thing you thought you saw? Does such a being REALLY exist? Is Voldemort REALLY back? Is that REALLY true? That sounds implausible. I know that guy, he can't be a Death Eater. He comes from such a respectable family...´´
You see where I'm going here, yes?
The old J.K. Rowling we all fell in love with built a world where BELIEVING PEOPLE WHEN THEY TELL YOU ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM, EVEN IF IT IS IMPLAUSIBLE OR TERRIFYING, is the most important thing you can do.
But the current J.K. Rowling is the CEO of a massive multinational corporation built on the backs of that story she first wrote by hand back before she had any wealth or power, and Johnny Depp is an actor who has been proven to be able to anchor a film franchise. So.
It was frustrating enough when she was merely silent.  Today's statement is so much worse than saying nothing.
Today's statement achieved the following things: --it confirmed that she would, in fact, have had the power to do something about casting Depp in that movie if she had chosen to exercise it, and that he continues to remain in this franchise with her enthusiastic consent.
--it confirmed that she had all the same information the rest of us had about Amber Heard's story and her allegations of abuse, including all the documentation and testimony from other witnesses, at an early enough point that there would have been time to recast.
--it gave us vague assurances that she did some degree of due diligence in looking into the story to assess whether or not it was true, but offered no specifics of any kind.   --it explained away that lack of specifics with some handwaving about confidentiality clauses.
--it declared that she, J.K. Rowling, now possessed information she was not at liberty to share which essentially exonerates poor Johnny Depp from these mean and unfair accusations of wrongdoing, and suggests that we should take her word at face value.
"I looked into it and I can't tell you what I found out but rest assured, Johnny Depp is innocent and we all love him and that gold digger Amber Heard made it all up" is so much worse than "no comment."   It's so, so, so much worse.
This is EXACTLY the kind of privileged white feminism we saw with Lena Dunham's statement last month: "yes, I believe women, I'm a feminist, I trust women when they come forward about their abuse .... unless I'm friends with the guy, then she's lying."
This is what you say when you've built your brand on being a progressive feminist and you want people to believe you still are - YOU want to believe you still are - but now there are huge amounts of money at stake and suddenly things are a lot more complicated.
Believe me, I get that she's in a tricky position.  It is easy to stick by your principles when it costs you nothing.  It is harder when big things are at stake.  I don't know what's in Depp's contract, or in hers. I can't fathom how much money we're talking about here.
But this is why this whole situation is so fucking depressing. 
Because J.K. Rowling is not the Harry Potter of her own life story anymore.
She's no longer the scrappy underdog who came from a world of no privilege and always took the side of the powerless. She's like one of those dudes from the Ministry of Magic who was too scared to take a stand because they didn't want to lose their comfortable position.
And it's so sad.  I'm so much more sad than angry.  I mean I'm angry too, but my overwhelming feeling is " . . . oh. okay. so as soon as you have a shitload of money you're just like every other rich person in the world."
It would have been so easy for her to release a statement that basically said "I stand by my values, I believe women, I believe abuse victims, I am the person you always believed me to be, but here are the limits of my authorial control on films."
But instead she confirmed that SHE HAD A CHOICE, SHE HAD THE POWER, SHE HAD THE ABILITY TO DO THE THING THAT A HEROIC PERSON WOULD DO and instead of being Hermione Granger she was like . . . Cornelius goddamn Fudge.
This is what White Feminism looks like. It means you stand with other women when you look good doing so (like roasting Trump on Twitter, which costs her nothing), but you won't stick your neck out and use your unfathomable privilege if it might negatively impact you.
For the life of me I don't know why she's doubling down on Johnny Depp, when Hollywood is full of dudes who would fall all over themselves to headline a Rowling film franchise and who have never abused anyone in their lives. But she is.
So, that's where we are. She's made her choice. She's said her piece. She's not the woman we wanted her to be.  I'd like to believe that she once was that person.  I'd like to keep believing in the woman who first sat down to write that story. But who knows.
I am not personally invested in the "Fantastic Beasts" 'verse, and haven't seen the first movie, though someday I probably will. There are good questions to be asked about boycotting vs. not boycotting. I think that's a personal decision, tbh.
I don't think it is morally bad or wrong to see these movies because Johnny Depp is in them.  I think if this story means something to you, you shouldn't let this take that away from you.  I think we're allowed to enjoy things that are problematic, as long as we're aware.
Go see it if you want to see it. Don't feel guilty for enjoying it. Don't apologize for loving the story. The story belongs to you. The world belongs to you. If you love it, it gets to be yours. But if @jk_rowling disappointed you today, let her know why.
Having said that, I would like to add just a few things about my vision of whoever accompanies the magical universe of Harry Potter there, no less than 16 years:
When I knew that this world would return to theaters in 2016, I was absurdly happy, since I had felt ''orphan an HP' 'since 2011, when the last film was released. I've always considered myself a feminist and sympathetic to the cause of marginalized groups, so imagine the impact when I knew that Johnny Depp would be in the franchise that not only taught me about these exact values ​​of empathy and love, but I grew up seeing JKR campaigning for these causes too. In a way, she was one of my biggest mirrors.
But until then, honestly, I've never been to follow JD's career, so I knew, by all accounts, about his case of aggression against his ex-wife Amber Heard. When I heard that he was in FB, I soon learned more about it. It should be considered that the information is inaccurate in this respect, but what we have in hand is that:
1) There is a historical legacy that shows us the oppression that women suffer, on a world scale. No matter how much a woman says that she has suffered any kind of aggression, if her word is questioned by a man, she will, in the vast majority of cases, go out as a lying prostitute, or as a mercenary, or as someone who only wants destroy the career of the 'innocent' man.
2) In everything I research about AH and JD, that's exactly what caught my attention: how much people are struggling to invalidate her word, even she PROVING that the assaults happened.
3) Yes, Evidences! First let's talk about the much-discussed video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EdmB2zoaiu4
Some claim that he was out of control, that he hit objects but that at no time does he hit him. If this is not concrete proof of an emotional uncontrolled that certainly falls into psychological and then physical aggressions (remember that domestic violence follows a cycle that begins with psychological violence that goes up to the physical), I do not know what else it can to mean. If I am close to a person uncontrolled in this way, even if she did not attack me, I would certainly be terrified.
´´Oh! But Amber certainly provoked him! He was drunk! Surely if he had been sober he would not have done it!´´
This is the most ridiculous excuse of all and it resembles when they try to blame the victim of a rapist because she was wearing "short clothes". It's also similar to when Kevin Spacey tried to justify his crime by saying that '' I did not remember, I was certainly drunk ''.
Some people also say that the video was edited and the man who appears there actually was not JD. I'm sorry, it's ridiculous too.
4) ´´But AH withdrew the accusations! So JD is innocent!´´
Oh really? Are you so blind so you can not see that she did it out of sheer pressure from all sides? We have recently discovered the rotten side of Hollywood, whose victims are mostly what? That's right, women! So it is more than obvious that Amber was pressured to withdraw the accusations through a series of agreements, such as those made explicit here: http://mashable.com/2016/08/16/johnny-depp-amber-heard-divorce-statement/#rz12DBHO3OqR
In the part that says:  "Neither party has made false accusations for financial gain. There was never any intent of physical or emotional harm." For me it is more than clear that JD himself assumes to have attacked Amber, you who do not want to accept.
5) '' Amber is an aggressor too! She hit your ex girlfriend! ''
As if that justified what JD did ... but come on: http://ego.globo.com/famosos/noticia/2016/06/tasya-van-ree-nega-que-ex-amber-heard-seja-violenta-diz-site.html
Tasya issued a statement defending the ex and would have told TMZ sources that Amber's domestic violence arrest would be ridiculous because she was never violent. Besides, Tasya and Amber remain good friends. If the aggression were true, the logic would be that Tasya kept away from Amber, would not it? And even if the aggression had happened, that would not erase the feat of JD
6) "But we must separate the staff from the professional! JD is a great actor! ''
Oh really? If you hired a gardener to work in your home, and later knew that when he comes home he hits the woman, would you continue to use his services quietly? If your answer is yes, forgive me, but you have a dubious character. Men are already privileged in a macho society just because they are men, imagine then a white and rich man.
7) '' Amber is a slut who just wanted to take money from him! ''
Honey, she's an actress, she's also rich. She does not need it. Oh, and for your information, all the money she got from the JD deal was donated to institutions that help victims of domestic violence. Your stupid argument falls.
8) '' Okay, the aggression may be real but that's no reason to boycott! We should not boycott and support JKR and the other actors that are in play ''
Okay, I agree in parts. In fact, the rest of the cast is not to blame for this whole situation. Do you think I'm happy to know that most likely I will not see my beautiful girl Katherine Waterston playing Tina Goldstein so beautifully? Am I happy not to see Eddie as fantastic as Newt? Am I happy not to see my beautiful Newtina couple getting together (and probably kissing) finally? That I will not see Jude Law as my dear Dumbledore ???
It's exactly this immense sadness that I carry after these statements that leads me to the imminent decision not to follow the Fantastic Beasts franchise. Everything JKR taught through Potter stories (which - he was a victim of abuse) falls to the ground when they not only hire someone like Johnny Depp, but put him as the protagonist! It's so contradictory and disappointing! 
I repeat: 16 years are loving and admiring a woman who today decided to simply say: 'Yes, we know that fans are not 100% satisfied with JD in our cast but we do not care, we want more visibility and, of course, money' '
After JKR's statement, an immense disgust swept over me and I said goodbye to the franchise, emphasizing, more than ever, my eternal love for Katherine Waterston and the ship Newtina, which were my greatest gifts from the first film. 
I remembered the farewell scene between Newt and Tina and I cried. I know they are not to blame, but JKR taught me: "The time will come when we will have to choose between what is right and what is easy.”
I make the right choice, according to my values ​​and principles, even though it hurts me. I decided not to follow the FB franchise anymore, and I would like to be respected in that regard. No, I AM NOT LESS HP FAN BY CAUSE OF THIS! I had the displeasure to read that those who boycot FB are not really fans. GET OUT OF YOUR CASUAL! YOU ARE NOT BETTER THAN NOBODY TO SAY THESE STUPID THINGS!
Respect my decision and my pain! Respect my decision to follow what my heart asks for at this moment! JKR is no longer the same woman who wrote the HP series to get away from her abusive reality, she has changed! Now she is a millionaire (thanks to us who consume her material, by the way) and obviously want to win more for it. I reiterate that I will continue, with all my might, loving Katherine and Newtina, accompanying future works of Katherine and the other cast members, but I keep only that of the woman who once inspired and loved me so much.
If one day you read this, JK Rowling, I wish you to be very happy, know that your story inspired me and changed my life in many aspects, but today you no longer have my support and I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you never go through abuse again so that you need to prove that you are speaking the truth, like as happened to Amber, and it happens to all of us, every moment.
PS: Sorry if there are any terrible errors in writing, but I'm Brazilian and not accustomed to English.
Eloany Homobono.
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Turkey Thoughts & Turkey Feels, vol 1.
One of my favorite movies of all time is Mrs. Doubtfire. At the end of the film, when Robin William’s character[s] is going back and forth between Miranda’s birthday dinner and drinks with Mr. Lundy, there’s the climax we all remember. Stu starts choking on the shrimp and Mrs. Doubtfire comes to save the day, but in the process reveals her true self. Then, Miranda utters, “Daniel? Daniel?! Oh my god. Oh my god. OH MY GOD! The whole time?! The whole time?! THE WHOLE TIME. Don’t talk to me! Don’t touch me! I have to go. We have to leave now. I have to leave. We have to go. We’re going.” You can see in Miranda’s face that all her wheels are turning at full speed. She has a thousand thoughts going through her brain all at once and she has no clue where to even begin. That’s how I feel. Regarding this trip, where do I even start? As time is rushing by, more thoughts and lessons are surfacing. It’s beginning to pile up so high that I’m convinced it will just topple over and end me. However, thankfully, this isn’t about me. This is about the beautiful humans we met and had the opportunity to spend a week with; so, let’s begin there. 
Reyhanli, Turkey is tucked away in the South Central province of Hatay. It lies on the border of Syria and is home to about 100,000 people, 75% of whom are Syrian refugees. The Karam House, where we at Humor for Hope led a week-long improvisation workshop, is an unassuming three-story building that hides behind a tall fence and an abundance of grapevines. Almost every person who works there is a Syrian refugee. To answer a few common questions, the workers and kids we got to know all have differences in their displacement story. A lot of them fortunately were able to leave Syria early on in the war, somewhere around 2013. Some traveled with all of their family, some with parts. In order to leave the country without raising suspicion by the Syrian and Turkish governments, they all had to leave everything behind. Our translator Aya*, who came to Turkey with her family in 2013, said that they told officials (at the six checkpoints they had to go through) they were visiting her sick mother in Turkey. If the officials looked in their car and saw enough stuff to fill a home, they’d be denied access. So each of her five children got to choose one outfit, one toy and a few school books. That’s it. Their living situations in Turkey also differ. In Reyhanli, most refugees attempt to integrate themselves into society by getting jobs and renting a home; however, due to the lack in wages and surging of living costs, it’s nearly impossible for most families to make ends meet. Some refugees are able to stay with relatives, while some are living in camps; however, they told us that camp life is pretty horrendous, so a lot of people do whatever they can to get out of it. One thing they all have in common regarding their journey is this: they have all lost loved ones and people they know (some of the kids and workers have witnessed it first-hand) and they all want to go back home. 
Most of the kids ranged in age between 13-18 (though, a few eager young ones wanted to join and neither the Karam House nor Hope and I would dare to say no) and, when you look at them, they look exactly like kids. However, when you stare into their eyes, that’s when you can see a difference. The depth of their soul goes far beyond what it should be for someone that age. They have lived a truly harrowing childhood thus far, filled with fear, death, oppression, universal neglect and a loss of identity. They have lost family members. They’ve lost friends. If they haven’t lost them, chances are they’ve been separated from them. All of that is still alive and lurking around inside their bodies. Depending on the age determines whether they think this is just what life is or if they were forced to grow up way too quickly. Regardless, they have lived through an actual nightmare. In, fact, they are still living in it. When the boys would play during breaks, it was very violence-centered. They would shoot each other and hold each other hostage. During the workshop, when they were given a suggestion of “island,” so many stories involved drowning. That has been their reality. Their current reality includes being unable to move back home, unable to relocate to another country and their families being unable to own land/property in Turkey. Given the overwhelming number of refugees (as of 2016, there are 3.1 million registered Syrian refugees in Turkey, half of whom are children), as well as a language barrier, they are unable to attend school full-time. Most of the Turkish residents in Reyhanli do not want them there. We took the girls of the Karam House to the town park one night and witnessed first-hand the stares from other locals. One of the girls told Hope that as we were walking through people would mutter slurs as we walked by, insinuating that they all needed to get out of their town and country. These kids were living in hell in their own country, left with the hopes of a better life, only to find a different hell awaiting them. 
There would be zero blame if these kids wanted to give up. In fact, I think they’d all be met with understanding if they didn’t feel like trying anymore. But, when we met these kids I saw nothing but desire. A desire to learn, to laugh, to bring change to their community and to their homeland. The fire has not been snuffed in their hearts. Take the most inspiring underdog story (you should be thinking of Rudy) you’ve ever heard, multiply it by 1,000 and you’ll tap the surface of what I saw and felt when I was around them. Despite their current situation, these kids are determined. Resilient. Strong. Smart. They watch Youtube videos to teach themselves English for crying out loud. On top of all that, these kids are funny. 
It was challenging to teach them improv because they don’t have it in Syria. So to say “Your suggestion is vacation. Create a scene inspired by that right now!” was met with an immediate huddle to quickly cast roles and discuss what their scene would be about. As the week went on though, these kids got it. They abandoned their initial inclination to do impressions of Mr. Bean and began creating their own characters. We saw scenes between brothers and sisters, old friends, new friends, teachers and students. They linked arms with their neighbors and told us how to make makdous (a traditional Syrian eggplant dish) one word at a time. According to the laughs around the room in response to the recipe, it wasn’t exactly how to make it; but, they OWNED it and that’s what matters! They were intimidatingly good at object work. I mean, the Chicago improv community could take some notes. To watch them learn these things, add their own personal flair to it and make their peers laugh is something I will never forget. Beyond that, they were able to grasp the deep foundation of improv. After doing activities, we would ask them what they learned and their answers brought me to tears. 
                       “I learned it’s important to trust people.”        “It’s more fun when I am working together with other people.”                  “It’s important to let other people have their turn.”        “Letting other people speak doesn’t mean I’m less important.”                               “We must support each other.”               “When we support each other, anything can happen!”                                       “We have to listen.”
I mean, damn, these are lessons most adults have trouble grasping; so the fact that adolescents who have every reason to say the opposite of these truths are not only understanding it, but proclaiming it is amazing! 
That’s what these kids are. Amazing. They remind me that loving people are what matter in this world. Work doesn’t matter. The newest, hottest restaurant doesn’t matter (this one stings). The new iPhone doesn’t matter. Loving people are what matter. They would openly hold hands with their brothers, sisters and friends. As the week went on, their younger siblings would show up and they’d all just hug on each other. Not only that, but they’d love on us, too. They’d treat us like friends and family. The kids would navigate through Google translate to tell us they love us. To ask us questions about ourselves. One of the workers sacrificed time with his own family to take us to dinner. Every. Single. Night (His family includes a six-month old baby boy. The week we were there, he found out his son has a hole in his heart and needs surgery to fix it. Know that if you donated to this trip, part of your money went to covering the cost of that surgery). They made us Turkish coffee when we’d arrive every morning. To have everything taken away from you by your own government and still be able to extend a hand (to a stranger nonetheless) is a world-changing characteristic that they all have. Their selflessness reminded me that it’s not about me. Somehow, that’s a lesson I have to learn over and over (yikes). This community showed me that true selflessness brings sustained joy and purpose, which are two things I think we all seek in this life. They taught me that we must keep moving forward. They do not allow their circumstances to weaken them or dictate who they are. They are determined to reclaim their lives. We’d ask them what they want to be when they grow up and we’d get responses like “electronic engineer,” “actor,” “football player” and “computer engineer” (lots of engineer dreams!). They believe in themselves! They are dreaming of the future!
  I think as Americans it’s our natural response to feel bad for them. I mean, why did they have to be born into such a war-torn country? Isn’t that sad? The answer is yes, it’s terribly sad; but, they don’t want our pity. What they want is for us to end their war. Help them get home. These people are proud to be Syrian. They love their country. Ending a civil war a tall order, I know, but if these kids can look death straight in the face and still have a will to move forward, we can influence our communities which will grow to influencing our country and then the world. If you think that’s naïve, then I urge you to read any history book on a significant shift in culture or government or state. It all starts with one. If we are all that one, then things will absolutely change. So, after reading this, I urge you to educate yourself on the current Syrian war if you haven’t already. Ugh, I’m asking you to read. I know, I’m the worst. Whatever. Call or write your representatives and express your support for Syria and its refugees. Ugh, I’m asking you to talk on the phone with another human. Still the worst. Whatever. There are also so many organizations who are in existence to help bring relief to these beautiful people. If you are able to donate goods, money or even your time, please do! The Karam Foundation is a great place to start (karamfoundation.org).
Above all, it’s with trips like these that showcase how extremely vital it is to help each other. No matter if they are across the planet or across the street. If it’s a refugee or a person struggling to carry their bags to their car. I say with love and support, open your eyes to the people around you. Life can sweep us away and we have to consciously keep our focus on the big picture which is loving all people. Near and far, similar and different. We are all in this together. As my friend Mrs. Doubfire once said, “…but if there’s love, dear; well, those are the ties that bind.”
*Names have been changed for protection purposes
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