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instrawberrymoonlight · 3 years

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10 Things I Love About You

Every time I watch that scene where they call you a freak I get so angry. I know it’s cliché to say they hate what they don’t understand but I firmly believe it in this case; they only superficially put up with you because you show them a way “out” to all their problems and it’s completely despicable. Self preservation prevails, I guess, at least to them and it’s insufferable and deeply saddening.

Everything about you is brilliant and I’d never truly be able to describe the way I feel about you ever, because language is so restrictive, but at the very least I can mean the things I say. And, I do. In every sense of the word. So, just because I’m a lovesick puppy and I’ve never truly been able to convey a fraction of the feelings I have for you, I’m writing this: 10 Things I Love About You. (Yeah I know it’s a very creative list name, thank you).

One

Your smile, as silly and swoony as it sounds, captivates me. It’s contagious and lights up my world. You’re the star of the show in my universe and I could stare at your dimples and the way your eyes crease up when you smile – when you genuinely smile – forever. It’s a sight to behold and on the rare occasion it slips and I’ve been blessed with the chance of seeing it, it stays with me. It’s almost like my own precious little secret that I get to cherish and recall until the end of my days. (Also sometimes your nose scrunches when you smile and unfortunately I could only talk about 10 things so I couldn’t insert a whole paragraph on how amazing and cute your nose is so I’m putting a short except here – PLEASE LET ME KISS IT PLEASE PLEASE AAAAAAAAAA.

Two

Your eyes. There’s an intensity to them and while their darkness has struck fear in the hearts of many, it has only won mine. They’re a beautiful, unique shade – never to be replicated in another, and are distinctly you. They’re also incredibly emotive, I can always tell when you’re thinking hard about something and I can always tell, even if it’s for a split second, when something has bothered you. They’re just so diaphanous. And that’s not to say you’re easy to read but rather the insight into your soul is through your eyes; there’s also a warmth to them as well. A heat. While your touch can be cold, and I usually identify you by your chilling presence, your eyes capture the fire within; It embodies you. When the flame is fuelled by passion (gasoline for humans) it epitomises your unfettered wildness and your freedom. And when calm, it provides this sense of shelter to the people who love you and consider you family; your eyes reflect that blanket of warmth. That hidden side you only show to those close enough. Both are dazzling and I’m so glad to have met you – and to be able to interact with you.

Three

Your scars. As superficial as it sounds, I find them gorgeous. I want to kiss them softly and treat them so gently. To tell you the truth, and to let you in on a little secret, I get really defensive over them. I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m fetishising them in any way but I’d love to see you without your makeup more often. I don’t want this to come across as pushy or anything, I promise this is only if you’re comfortable I would never want to put you in an uncomfortable position. I just want you to know that what I feel for you isn’t shallow and it isn’t based on the symbol you’ve built yourself as. It isn’t because you wear make-up and you hide yourself; my love isn’t conditional. I’ve fallen in love with you, the man beneath the make-up, Alexander Harper, for nothing more than the reason that you’re amazing. Sorry, I’m kinda focusing on this point so much because I feel so strongly about them. I feel as though you’ve been wrongly told, for a good chunk of your life, that they’re horrific for whatever reason. I feel as though you’ve gotten weird looks because of them, or like I mentioned earlier, that you’ve been called a freak. The idea of any of these being the case completely riles me up, it’s so fucked up to think about anyone shaming you for them. Personally, I think they’re a bold portrayal of your personal strength (of which I’ll touch on later – spoilers), and a show of your resilience in an all too often fucked up world. They’re beautiful, and they will never not be. If you aren’t proud of them yet, or if there’s a part of you that’s still somewhat ashamed of them, I will personally tell you anytime I can that they’re beautiful to me and are a representation of hope until you take pride in them. Or at least start to believe it. Even then, I’ll never shut up about it. Battle scars, whether metaphorical or literal, are always valid and are a big fuck you to not only mental illness – mostly the voices that try to destroy you from within – but are also a big fuck you to our abusers. It’s saying in big bold writing “hey fuckers, I survived despite all the shit you’ve thrown my way,” and that’s something we victims don’t get to experience enough.

Four

Your ability to unapologetically be yourself. I think this one’s mostly self explanatory. You have this amazing capability to set aside the social dogma and the fear it instils regarding individuality. You know who you are and what you want and it's inspiring, especially since I personally struggle with identity and navigation. Your confidence in your belief system and in a lot of ways, yourself, is something I also look up to and I hope that one day I can reach a point like that too. You probably already know this and if it isn’t overt enough it’s sure as hell implicit – I look up to you so much. You’re one of my idols and maybe that’s daunting or a lot of pressure but as long as you keep being you I assure you there’s nothing you could ever do to deter me or make me feel differently. I’d also like to quickly touch on how accepting you are of mental illness and of your own! None of that matters to you and it creates such a safe space. You’re so incredibly patient with me. I can only hope I’ve been able to create the same feeling reversed! Lastly, I love all your little idiosyncrasies – the way you speak and move your hands, the way you flick your tongue against your scars (which weirdly enough never triggers my misophonia, you’re like the only exception) the way you pronounce things and draw out words, the way you interrupt yourself with hums and ahs and other butterfly inducing noises. It’s so perfectly you and it joys me to no end.

Five

Your strength. I don’t want to get too specific into trauma because this is meant to be uplifting and I just want to stray away from the prospect of triggering you as best as I can so I’ll try my best to keep it short; though, there are some things I want to say–

Holy fucking shit you are strong. You are so so strong. And that’s probably the most vaguest, cliche thing I’ve said yet but I fucking believe it with all my possum heart. Your childhood and the relentless degradation you endured by a parental figure who was meant to protect you, but instead disgustingly treated you like no child ever should be treated was horrific. What he did to you was unspeakable and the way you feel about my abuser hits the nail on the head regarding how I feel about your father. I’m sure you were the sweetest kid when you were younger and none of what happened was any fault of your own. You deserved to have your needs met and deserved to be treated with such love and compassion. You still do. There wasn’t something wrong with you, you didn’t cause your trauma. I know it’s really hard to believe that when you’ve experienced incredible distress and it can really fuck with your perceptions but I’m here to tell you that none of that is true. To put it in perspective, Arthur, Kali and I have experienced similar thought patterns. We’ve all doubted ourselves and believed at one point or another that we’re just awful and that we deserved it but it’s a lie abusers have ingrained in us. I’m not sure if anyone has told you this properly but I just want you to know this, please. I’m kind of going on a whole tangent here but this is so important. I just want the best for you and I want you to want that too. I want you to take care of yourself more, to be more patient with yourself – at the very least for me. You deserve to break out of this vicious cycle trauma imprints on us all.

Further, going to war is arguably one of the most harrowing things a person can experience. I’m really not going to get in on the details here because it’s pretty self-explanatory too. You’re my hero Alexander, you encompass courage and resilience more than anyone can. Despite everything you’ve been though, in the end you’re still fighting in what you believe is right and fighting against oppression. Your spirit cannot be crushed and it’s really touching. My big dumb borderline heart feels so much for it and for you. I love you so completely.

Six

Your humour. You seem to make the darkest situation into the brightest. You’re so quick witted and it never fails to make me laugh. Your secret love for puns, which I feel like you’ll deny because they’re cheesy but it slips a few times in the film, is the most adorable thing I’ve seen. It’s so so so endearing and I’m giggling to myself as I write this.

Seven

Your voice is angelic and it has the power to give me butterflies. Continuing this thought, I always found it funny that no one can replicate it, at least I personally think; people fall short when they try to mimic you and it’s interesting. There’s just something about you that makes you incredibly unique and even when people try, they can never truly be you. Maybe this sounds like a crazy love ramble but you’re special. It’s why you’ve captured the hearts of so many and it’s why I’ve given you mine in full. Speaking of hearts, this leads me to my next point.

Eight

Your heart – you say you don’t have one though your heart is especially brilliant. I’ve seen it, albeit hidden, it’s big and has sustained despite the things you’ve been through. Apart from Kali and Arthur I’ve never had someone care for me as much as you, I’ve never had anyone treat me so gently and I’ve never had anyone validate my experiences the way you have. Despite experiencing all the bullshit judgement people project onto you (evident within the first few minutes of the film) you remain one of the most understanding, non-judgemental and comforting people I know. I have a feeling like you’d disagree with me about all this or try and block out what I’m saying by replying with “im dangerous” but I’m telling you I’ve never felt safer around anyone more than you – particularly in your arms. As someone who has a serious problem with people touching them and getting close to them physically or relationship-wise, I’m telling you Alexander Harper, that I trust you with my life and I feel wholly protected by you. I know you’d never hurt me, you’re terrified of doing so. I’d let my guard down with you any day, and I don’t do that. I want you to know you’re precious to me, every single side of you; every single part of you. You don’t scare me. I know how hard it is to open up and I’m so so so happy you’ve chosen me and the family to trust in. Just know that you don’t have to hide anymore. You can be yourself. And maybe this is pushing it, maybe this is me overstepping, I hope it isn’t but it’s okay to be the young Alexander you never got to be. It’s okay to let go and enjoy things and to do the things you want to do. To open up, to show people you have these feelings. I just want this to come across as a friendly reminder, like a little caress on the cheek because I can understand it all: the hiding, trying to pretend that you have no emotions at all, trying to pretend that you’re okay, self sabotaging relationships and the personal relationship you have with yourself. You don’t have to do this anymore though my love, you don’t have to go through this alone. I want nothing more than to support you and be with you when you’re going through your worst. I love all parts of you, remember?

Nine

Your playful side and your passions (yes I’m sticking two points into one, it’s not cheating, deal with it raccoon boy). Even if it’s small things like crosswords or rubik's cubes, to sliding down money piles and scribbling on newspapers (or um,,,,, taunting police) you have this sweet proclivity for mischief. It’s so endearing and I swear I fall more in love with you as the seconds go by. I love it when you fixate on something and create elaborate plans, it's riveting to watch them unfold – kind of like finishing a puzzle and watching the pieces come together. It’s so satisfying, and knowing you’re the man behind the plan makes it all the more thrilling; but my favourite thing of all is that it’s an insight into your mind (which I’ll also touch on next). On the flip side, you have this staggering ability to think on the spot under pressure, you always know exactly what to do or what to say. It’s awe-inspiring. You’re perfect.

Ten

Your mind, I love the way it works and ticks. If I could spend hours asking you questions and asking your opinions on things I would. I don’t want this to come across like I want to psychoanalyse you and pick your brain in the worst way like some lab experiment. I’m just so interested in the way you view and perceive the world, even with the most mundane things. I just want to hear you talk. Like I said, I look up to you so much and I enjoy spending time with you. I guess you’re not the only one who likes reactions ha h. I’m hilarious.

And finally, in the memorable words of Frankie Valli—

I love you, baby.

(Yes I know that was cheesy, kill me).

#MMM YES #THIS ENOUGH SUGAR FOR YOU #HFDIUHFSDIUFHSUD #priestess to high priest

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yukirena88 · 4 years

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HKT48 Sakamoto Erena Encount Article Part 1

2020.07.16

HKT48 Sakamoto Erena’s encounter with “Kikuchi P” changed her destiny. Her talents bloomed when he endorsed the lyrics she wrote and sent to him “the earliest”

Interviewer: Satoshi Oda

【Interview part 1】 A "Dance Girl" when she was a kid, she was awed by Hamasaki Ayumi and dreamt of becoming a singer 　HKT48, the idol group based in Fukuoka started their first-ever Stream-Only Live performance from their dance lesson room on July 5th. Maintaining adequate social distance to prevent the spread of COVID-19, they limited the performing members to just 10, and 3rd gen Sakamoto Erena, 2nd gen Tashima Meru, 3rd gen Tanaka Miku, as well as other regular Senbatsu members, took to the stage to deliver a compassionate message the people in the regions of Kumamoto and Kagoshima hit by the heavy rainfall and flood disaster. In this article, I will trace the footsteps of Sakamoto who is striving to realize her dream to become a singer while overcoming various obstacles.

　Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, theater performances and handshake events have all been postponed. Unable to communicate directly with fans who support them, it is difficult to deliver messages of comfort to those hit by heavy rainfall and floods. That is why Sakamoto wants to put her soul into songs which she believes "delivers a message stronger than words" and cheer people up. She passed HKT48's 3rd gen audition in 2013, 7 years ago. Since then, she has paved the way to her very own idol career.

　While Sakamoto, born in Fukuoka prefecture, was slightly shy as a child, she was also a very "active girl" who would play outside the whole time during recess time. It may have been a natural calling for an active girl like her to immerse herself in rock and hip hop dance classes for all 6 years when she was in grade school.

　Invited by a friend, she went to watch an "HKT48" stage performance and was charmed by 1st gen Kumazawa Serina's sharp dance moves and decided to audition for the group, but when was the first time Sakamoto thought "I want to become a singer"? Going back, she says she had a role model when she was younger even before she started taking dance lessons.

"When I look at my nursery school and kindergarten album, I wrote 'To become a singer' as my future dream. I drew pictures of myself basking in the spotlight and singing, so I had wanted to sing in front of an audience ever since I was young. Thank to my mother's influence, I really liked Hamasaki Ayumi, and she was the starting point of my dream to become a singer"

However, she had never taken a singing lesson before joining HKT48, and when she first started her career as an idol, "Myself included, everyone around me did not see me as a singer". Coincidentally, something she was told during her Trainee days became her guiding compass.

"I was better at dancing then, and did not have confidence in singing. But during a sound recording, a staff praised me saying, 'You have a nice voice' and that made me really happy and made me think 'I'll put in effort in singing', 'This is what I should work on improving'. I'm really grateful for those words.

Her "Solo A Capella Video" Led To Her First Senbatsu, while Her Encounter With "Kikuchi P" Changed Her Destiny After being promoted to a Team Member from Trainee in 2016, Sakamoto performed in the "6th AKB48 Kohaku Utagassen" held in December for the first time. She was chosen to represent HKT48 as a member of Team Vocal, along with Minegishi Minami & Oda Erina (AKB48), Yamauchi Suzuran & Furuhata Nao (SKE48), and Shiroma Miru (NMB48), the members from each of the 48G who are well known for their singing abilities, and together sang "Mata Anata No Koto wo Kangaeteta" a capella.

This prompted her to start recording her "Solo A Capella Video" which she posted on "Google+" for the first time in March 2017, which later became a video series. In the same year, she was chosen as senbatsu for the first time for HKT48's 10th Single "Kiss wa Matsu Shikanai Deshoka?", released in August of that year.

"I was thinking of ways to express my love for singing. While looking for a way, I saw videos of people singing in harmony, and went 'This is it!' When I started arranging a capella version of songs, I got really good reactions and it encouraged me to continue singing a capella and in harmony. I believe I was chosen as senbatsu for the first time thanks to my 'Solo A Capella Videos', so it was definitely a turning point in my idol career"

Sakamoto is a competitive person at heart, recalling how "When I lost at the trump game 7 rows, I would cry out of frustration." After becoming aware of her own strengths, devoted herself to the path set out in front of her. She was presented with another opportunity, again at the "AKB48 Kouhaku Utagassen." Kikuchi Shin (AKA "Kikuchi P", who has produced various music shows on Fuji TV), the Producer for the event suggested to her, "Why don't you write a song?"

"When I performed at the (7th) AKB48 Kouhaku in 2017, Mr. Kikuchi P praised my singing. I realized it was a great opportunity and spent 3 weeks thinking of a lyric, and while I wasn't sure if it was good enough... I sent it to him while questioning myself, and 1 week after that, he brought the music for the song all the way to the venue of our handshake event. He said, 'you're going to sing this at ZEPP TOKYO (for the music talk show Kikuchi Kara GIRLS' FACTORY NEXT) in summer 2018' and I froze, going 'Huh?' (lol). It all happened so quickly and I was really surprised"

She was never given a guarantee that it would become a song. Kikuchi Producer also talked to other members about it, but the one who "sent it to him the earliest" was Sakamoto, and that enthusiasm gave birth to her original song "Motto, Kitto".

"I'm glad I sent it early (lol). Kikuchi P has made a huge difference in my life. Thanks to his arrangement, I teamed up with idols from other group to form the idol unit 'Gachinko☆(Star)' and was able to gain a lot of experience in singing. My song has not been put on a CD yet, so I will do my best to publish it as a CD"

Sakamoto, who snatched this chance with her own hands and cleared a path to a new stage in her career, would experience a tumultuous time ahead.

(Continued in Part 2)

　□Sakamoto Erena was born on September 12, 2000, in Fukuoka prefecture. In 2013, she entered HKT48 as a 3rd gen trainee and was promoted to Team TII in March 2016. Apart from the dance skills she learned in grade school, she also immerses the audience into her world with her gentle singing voice and is one of the aspiring Divas in AKB48 Group. During her "Stay Home" time, she worked out using the popular fitness program "Billy's Boot Camp". Her favorite phrase is "Everybody Is Unique and Special in Their Own Way"

#HKT48 #Sakamoto Erena #坂本愛玲菜

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lachalaine · 4 years

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2020′s on the Way !! ✨

accepting

@secrecykept submitted:

It’s the end of 2019 and I finally have time to do this meme I’ve been wanting to do for ages even if I’m not good at getting things like this out, I always forget things or don’t get them out right but here we go.

In this essay I will love on you and Jackie forever and ever…kdjnfkdnfknd

My girl, my bby, my sweetest crab cake and twinsie, you are so so important to me. You are so sweet and kind, you always know just what to say, and talking to you always eases my heart. You are amazing and so giving, you do so much for others but I’m glad for the times you take care of yourself, you deserve happiness and relaxation for yourself.

You are so smart, always having such great insights, your opinions and thoughts mean so much to me and I always want to talk things over with you because I know you will steer me right and you actually care. Life has been really hard on you, but you are so strong and will always make it through.

I’m so lucky to have you in my life, you’re the most amazing and easiest person to talk to. I love that you get me so well, and talking with you is always a highlight. I really don’t know what would have happened if we didn’t become close when we did. You have been such a positive influence in my life, and I can only hope I can do as much for you as you do for me. Chatting and plotting with you is the best, it has gotten me through so much. You are so good and so much fun to plot with, I have never had it so seamless. Your ideas are always so good and I love hearing what you think about certain scenarios and ideas.

And the way you have always been so accepting of All my muses ngjgghhjjj it means so much more than I can say. I know my kids are safe with you and Jackie. I can’t tell you enough that I’m so lucky and grateful to have you as a friend and writing partner. You are so supportive and have the sweetest heart.

I think I said the other day that your opinion means the mostest to me and it really really does, in all things but especially in writing. You are so smart and talented, your style is so pretty and unique, always flowing so well and being full of personality. You have a gift with tone and pace and mood, I always admire the words and feel that your writing gives. You’re hard on yourself and get stuck trying for perfection, but I look up to you so much, your writing is such an inspiration to me. I know you always want to give people your best, and you consistently do! And you are so amazing and smart with the way you notice things in my writing and others, and I always love seeing what you pick up from things, it’s always a good surprise and insight.

And let me talk about your girl. Jackie is my absolute favourite oc, my favorite muse. From the first time I read her info a couple of years ago I was amazed. There is so much to her that i love. A DJ oc? Super cool! Reincarnation? Super duper cool! Norse Mythology! Exciting!! She has a purple hair! I’m in love. Jackie has such a gorgeous design I legit feel my heart doki every time I look at her or think about it. I love that her hair is naturally black and she has to go through such effort to get it the way she wants, I love the depth and thought you’ve put into every bit of her. I love her mahogany eyes and her distinct sense of style. I love her humour and strength and the way she is so real. She has gone through so much and doesn’t always deal with it in a healthy way, she’s human.

And I’m so proud of her and the ways she has grown. I have never been so invested in another muse before but your girl has me wanting to read every little thing about her and to see her continue to grow. Her happiness means so so much to me, I would do anything for her! I admire all the thought, depth and effort you put into your posts for you. I will forever say your blog is my favourite, I can’t get over the quality of writing, aesthetics, musings and everything. You are the Best, every post is a total gem.

I could keep going forever but lemme just conclude. 2019 has been a good year because I’ve had you as a friend and writing partner. I’ll always be so grateful for the fact we started talking, it was ages ago now but I appreciate it so much. All I wish for 2020 is for you to have the best year, you deserve fun and happiness and all the good things. I hope we can continue talking and writing together. Thank you for existing, light of my life! ily lots always. Biggest huggies! (pls just accept my love and dont feel like u gotta reply on all this okie dokie)

momo, oh my gosh bby :((( i don’t know what to say :((( this is so much to take in, and it is so sweet, and honest to god, i couldn’t manage to read it all in one go earlier because i couldn’t keep from bawling like a baby every other paragraph :((( i am too soft and fragile for such lovely and kind words, i cannot handle it :c but my gosh, i have never, ever appreciated a message more!!

there’s so much here to unpack but i don’t think i can do my feelings justice. all i can tell you is that i am so, so, so very glad that i met you, momo! honestly and with all my heart, that is the most genuine truth i have! you have been a blessing for me in so many ways since we’ve met, you’ve taken care of me even when i’ve been super darn messy in all my moods and have been endlessly understanding, even with all my faults :c you have given me so much calm and peace in the time that i’ve known you, have eased a lot of my anxiety just by being here, just by being my friend, and i can honestly say i don’t even know what it feels like anymore – i don’t remember what it feels like for my anxiety to be so bad :c you have helped me more then you know, more then i could ever say, and though i always, always wish i could do so much more for you and be around more often and not poof inconsistently like i do, because god knows you deserve only the Best and most sincere amount of Effort in the World !! - i’m just so, so comforted by the fact that somehow, even despite everything — it seems i’ve been able to do just enough 🤗💖

gosh momo, i am glad. more then anything, i will tell you that i am so glad - that i’ve been able to be your confidant all this while, that i’ve been able to ease some of your concerns, that i’ve been able to help you and be a positive influence in your life, because more than anything and with all my heart do i wish you could be happy and thriving and living your best life every single day! you deserve all the good that the world can give you, and i’m glad that you’re slowly but surely getting the tools to achieve it! you have grown so much in the time i’ve known you, even if you might not always feel the same way, but i see the changes that have occurred in you, occurred in your life, and all i can wish for is that it continues for the better ❤ you are so very capable and so very wonderful and talented and good, so vibrant and positive and creative and sweet, and i am hopeful that i can help you realize this bit by bit every single day. you are of my bestest friends, my absolutely favorite blog, my favorite writer with literally ALL my favorite muses of all time! muses who are so unique and different and special and so wonderful in so many ways!! and by god, but the mere fact that jackie was somehow lucky enough to catch all their attentions! and the fact that they feel comfortable enough to be with her the way they do! they are so precious and wonderful and incredible, and i’m honestly in awe of everything we’ve come up with! all the ideas that are so different from each other yet each have their own special qualities ❤ it has been such a treat for us since day 1! and gosh, but it is my pleasure and honor that i am able to give jackie to you and your kids, because i know she’s safe with all of them too. even when things go south, i know she’s safe. i know our friendship is safe. i know everything that occurs is good and there’s a reason for it, and if nothing else we’ll figure it out and we’ll have so much fun doing it, and i am honestly one of the luckiest people on this website - to have stumbled on someone who gets me so well too, who is so seamless to write with, who listens and cares and understands, and gives me a reason to do my best every single time! 🤗💖 you are the easiest person for me to talk to as well, you make my heart warm and make me cry sometimes because i do adore you so, so much, with all my heart, and the warmth of your presence is a gift i could never repay 💖

i’m so happy we found each other when we did, i’m blessed that we were there for each other when we needed a friend. i think we were really meant to find each other, and i’ll be endlessly grateful that i got this chance, because honestly speaking, i wouldn’t change you at all for anything in the world!!

i’m glad i can be there for you! i’m glad i can be a positive influence for you! i’m glad i can do my best for you, even when i might not always be around in my fullest capacity! i’m glad it has helped you when you needed it most 💕 i’m glad my words can give you some peace, even just a bit hihi 🤗 thank you for all that you do for me in turn! thank you for always listening to me when i needed to vent and cry, for understanding when i couldn’t be around. thank you for granting me the compassion i needed to be better to myself. thank you for always appreciating my writing and my daughter and for inspiring me and teaching me to write better!! thank you for even always giving me the urge TO write !! thank you for always doing your best even when you are a soft marshmallow, and for always writing LIKE AN ABSOLUTE QUEEN AND FOR ALWAYS GIVING ME THE GOOD PLOTS AND SHIPS AND RAMBLES AND FOR ALWAYS SHARING AS MUCH AS U COULD WITH ME BECAUSE IT HAS GOTTEN ME THROUGH MY DARKEST DAYS AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT U 😭😭😭 you have been! an absolute gift! a blessing ! an angel !! and i am so lucky to be your twinsie and be able to have this connection with you, my best girl!

jackie and i are the luckiest! we are the LUCKIEST and i will scream about you and your kids to anyone that will listen ( and even to those who don’t ) for the rest of my fucking days !!!!!! you and your work! the dedication and thought you put in! the writing and the ideas and everything in between ! you deserve to be appreciated and adored and you deserve all the appreciation and admiration in the world! and i am lucky ! i am lucky that i got this chance !! to be your twin! to be your friend! to be your writing partner with each and every one of our kids!!! you mean the world to me, momo! an inspiration like no one else! who has taught me so much, who has given me and my muse so much, and is the main and literal REASON that i am still here and will KEEP COMING BACK, the reason that jackie herself has grown and experienced as much love and affection and positive change as she has! you and your muses are the reason she is getting healthier, the reason she feels more like herself again after everything! the reason she is happy, the reason i’m able to explore her in ways i could never manage before because nothing ever felt right, and yet with your kids - they all feel so natural. thank you for accepting her in her entirety, THANK U FOR LOVING HER IN ALL THE WAYS THAT U DO AND FOR HAVING AS MUCH INTEREST IN HER AS U DO !!! and thank you endlessly for giving us as much effort and dedication as you have! writing with you has been the best experience ever, it’s been so much fun and you’re so smart and talented and imaginative and creative and adshbhdbsahdbas i just!! i adore you!! i adore your writing and your talent and your style and you and everything and anything in between! you are such a spark of delight and i love you with my heart, bby!!! i look up to you in every way!!

you are the best person to write with, the person to plot with, the best person to be friends with, and i’m so happy i found you! and i just want u to know i appreciate it all !!! thank u for always spoiling us the way you do with all the good shippies 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 I HOPE WE CAN CONTINUE TO DO MORE FOR U AND YOUR KIDS IN THE YEARS TO COME !!!!! i love you so much, momo!!! with all my heart!! thank you for a wonderful and enjoyable 2019, and happy new year, my best girl!! to better days and a brighter future for us both in 2020, to more chatting and to more fun, more writing plots, more ships and threads and au’s every other day heheheheh 💕💕💕💕 i send u the biggest huggies every single day !! 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

// @secrecykept

#&& make sure the stars is what you aim for (positivity)#secrecykept #&& waste time with a masterpiece (answered asks)#/ i cannot just accept ur love #/ it is not possible #/ I MUST SHOWER U WITH MY LOVE IN RETURN #/ MOMOOOOOO I LOVE U SO MUCH !!!#/ THANK U FOR ALL THAT U DO FOR ME #/ I LEGIT CRIED #/ SO MUCH WHILE READING THIS #/ I WENT FULL SOBBING #/ and just when i needed it the most !! 😭😭😭#/ you are so sweet and lovely and wonderful momo how could i ever deserve u #/ how could i get so lucky #/ YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO ME #/ thank u for always being there for me and always being so wonderful all day everyday #/ you are a gem and i adore u with every inch of my heart!!!#/ i love u !! so much!!#/ HAPPY NEW YEAR MY BEST GIRL AND I WISH A STUPENDOUS CELEBRATION FOR US BOTH !!!#/ YOU QUEEN !!!!!#&& pre recorded tracks (queue)#submission

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red-monkey-and-bolts · 5 years

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A letter to....

This is a word out of love, and sometimes that word hurts and may not sit with what we want to hear but it’s something that it needs to be said.

I know I have given many times how much I love you guys but today something has happened in me that hasn’t happened in MANY months and it may sound stupid and a joke but I need to say it because He spoke to me and put in my heart to say this.

I realized why my life has been going all over and I know that’s normals and I’ve gotten used to the norm. Expectations of what people want me to say to “please” everyone but for once I’m opening my heart and that’s something I’ve been in thirst to let out especially if it means loosing everyone who respected me or saw me as their friend.

You all mean so much but I have to put my loyalty to God because in all of this and my story (which I haven’t told EVERY SINGLE detail and I know that even if I told it many will still think I’m acting selfish or careless for others but it’s quite the opposite). But I wouldn’t even have been here if it weren’t for Him and the people He put in my life, literally ^^;.

We as humans are selfish, ignorant, and other things. That’s something that can’t be denied even those who do “good” things still have their struggles and their flaws. It’s part of the human being, we can try our hardest but we all have a limit and that’s normal but we can try to improve to be better everyday.

I can’t really explain EVERY details my days have been or say everything about my flaws and things I did to do what’s considered “correct” by human society.

But God knows what are my falls, what I need to do, and I got called today and I have evidence too. Well more like some interesting wordings that I noticed are connected to each other.

Today a pastor came to our church all the way from Chile and he today gave us a word but mainly used his life story and connecting it to the word of God and what He asks of us. He was a very flawed man, he was in all kinds of things as well as obsessions and wasn’t one you could’ve seen and look as a “man of God” but seeing him alive and completely grateful and telling us all those miracles that God has shown him by telling us his testimony (even him telling having a home and being ALIVE is a blessing and a miracle).

What I found interesting is that these past months I noticed something missing if I may say, like I had a compass but said compass was hard to navigate or maybe I was the one who wasn’t able to understand it.

But even with him speaking about his lesson and him and his wife leaving with this last message it felt like God really spoke to him and used him as what He told us we were meant to be used.

And it’s been a LONG time since I felt that and been actually used before or even talked to others about God without feeling people getting triggered by me mentioning anything about it but I guess I needed to let go and for once in a long time, do what He has asked for me and that’s speak His love to others even if it means loosing people or just ignoring me because of what I say or people don’t want to.

After the lesson we prayed but for once I prayed to God not only thanking Him for this lesson but to learn to appreciate everything good and bad, Life is hard and will always have its obstacles and I know God puts things in our lives to look for Him but to also let us grow as one and even if things don’t go as how we want He has so much to gives us but He knows when it’s the time, we live in an era where whatever we want it’s in our instant time and whenever we loose patience we just loose it. And sometimes we need to learn back into our roots, we need to take a step back and search back from said roots or remember things happen to those who wait.

Just like how a father has something for their kid but only the father can see when their kid is ready once they take the steps or when it’s really needed and know their kid can take it genuinely.

Not everyone is pleased with what we have and sometimes things may be the hardest things to do especially when everything feels like it’s over, only God can say it is and even if you’re down you’re still strong. Not alone but I noticed that after years of learning that, most of my life I relied on MY own strength, emotional state, but only then I pushed myself too much I broke and I ended up destroying more of myself than I intended and had to start back to square one on understanding how to cope and deal with new emotions I keep exploring as I keep learning about my adulthood and life itself. I know this is not the end even when I have felt ready to break I keep noticing that after I prayed to God I felt this warm fulfilled feeling one that I never knew I had and for in a long time want to have that closeness again, and the first step is to go back to my roots.

Back in the roots of why I even accepted God as my savior but also learn what it means to be a Christian. I don’t have all the answers heck I know very little XD even after years of experience it’s never enough for me to talk to someone and not have an answer to everything or even if I do they end up not being something that they didn’t wanted to hear or only end up getting more angry at me.

But I have learned that even with people treating you low or think of you as a selfish person, they don’t see what you see and at times it’s not something you can change other than to give them love and tell them that a true friend will have to tell you things even if they are things you don’t want and that’s the person I had learned to be; straightforward and using common sense in a lot of things. Simple yet not something that’s easy to swallow because things like these can break said friendships or so the ones we believed are the ones we see as TRUE friends.

As I went through the lesson I felt something revived in me and for once heard that smooth warm voice speak to me one that I thought I have lost in the mist of my mind, I missed it and was welcoming. And for once in what felt like a lifetime has reawakened me from my dark slumber of my own self. And at times I got tired of feeling being or acting as someone I’m not because it only fitted everyone’s expectations and people will come at me and I know that no matter what sugarcoats I can do it’ll only come to bite me.

Well it’s better to say things now especially when I was told to, but yes we’re selfish; only care of what WE want, we’re evil; only Care what fits OUR definitions of justice, we’re the judge of everyone’s court; we stay high in the said judge stool and only see OUR sides of the story and think that’s enough to justify OUR punishments to hurt everyone else, we’re ignorant; only care OUR tunnel blinded perspectives, and we’re all imperfect; we’re filled with so much hate and flesh that we only desire OUR own bodies and desires.

I’m just a messenger and I came to say it’s times to wake up, get off our comfort zone and start back in the roots, and if you fall don’t be afraid because you’re still alive and here. Even if things don’t go the way you want learn to appreciate what you have now, learn to share that love with others, life is not perfect for everyone and we have our own struggles but we’re not alone if we just take off those blind folds. Don’t be afraid to seek God, He’s asking you to look for Him, He’s calling out to you, to wake up and call out to Him, whenever you gain something, REJOICE, whenever you loose something seek for him and still thank for the bad things because you never know but He DOES listen, and I’m one of his examples and one of the reasons why He’s still out there spreading that love. He has awoken me and I’m calling out to you.

After that lesson I got a notification from my phone and got this bible verse, the exact same topic that the pastor spoke to us:

He’s here and He is calling you to wake up, Hold on to Him and let Him show you what He has for you, it’s not going to be easy but He’ll show you, like He has shown me, a completeness that nothing can never fulfill than Him.

God bless you wherever you go And whatever He has in store for you

#:DJAM #jam post #important post #...#God has called #and He has send me this message #and spoke through my heart #I dont expect anything #only going to do waht He asked me to do #thats all #amen

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hollowedrpg · 5 years

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CONGRATULATIONS, ANNE! — You’ve been accepted for the role of Sybill Trelawney. I’m so freaking ecstatic to have Godric’s Hollow’s own little seer! I’m so happy to have someone writing Sybill that understands just how complex she is. While so many members of the Order can escape the war by hiding away, for Sybill, there’s constantly a battle being fought in her mind, and you conveyed that beautifully. I can’t wait to see where you take her character.

Thank you so much for applying. Please create your account and send in the link, track the right tags, and follow everyone on the follow list. Welcome to Hollowed Souls!

ooc.

Name: Anne

age: (seventeen and up only) 31

preferred pronouns: she/her

timezone: EST/GMT-8

activity: (include a brief explanation) I work full-time and am in a 6-month training course that meets once a month two hours away from me. I also haven’t rp’d in a tragically long time because of my mental health. That being said, I do have two days a week all to myself and a fairly generous work schedule, so there’s absolutely no reason I can’t work in a few hours 4-5 days a week. I’m also counting on my excitement keeping me going long enough to form a habit of checking the group regularly.

are you applying for more than one character?: Not at this time.

how do you feel about your character dying?: (in a roleplay centered on war, death is always a possibility. as an admin, it’s best to know ahead of time which players are comfortable with playing it out.) I would definitely be disappointed, but I could play it out. I’m a sucker for good plot and drama.

anything else?: (questions, concerns, etc.)

ic details.

full name: Sybill Audra Trelawney

date of birth: Nov 10th 1953

former hogwarts house: Ravenclaw. A reputation as a seer that left everyone clamoring for readings made them forgetful of the fact that Sybill was actually incredibly competent in most of her other classes. Transfiguration gave her some difficulty, but when she actually put in the time to practice, she’d master any of the spells and techniques thrown her way. The lives and futures of her peers tended to keep her preoccupied, at least until the courtyard accident in her fifth year. Traumatized by what she’d seen and then lived through, she dove into her studies as a way to distract herself and her inner eye. It didn’t work - she was still haunted by visions of the cruelty and violence burning through the country and of what terrible things some of her classmates got into when no Professors were around to catch them. The only thing her new devotion to her studies did for Sybill was successfully isolate her from the rest of her classmates, who in time stopped coming to her for readings as often. By the time she graduated, she was considered an oddity who they could mock, until they needed her for something, usually some hint of news of how a family member was faring in the war.

sexuality: bi/pansexual. Sybill likes to dramatically state that it isn’t the person she’s attracted to, but their aura and their sense of person. She isn’t exactly in the market for a relationship, however. Something about seeing the death of someone you dearly love can do that to a person. Sybill can’t yet bring herself to be too close to anyone in a long-term sense, but there’s nothing wrong with occasionally spending a long, cold night staying warm with someone else.

gender/pronouns: cis-female/she and her

face claim change: No, thank you! Zoe Kravitz is wonderful.

more.

how do you interpret this character’s personality? how will you play them? include two weaknesses & two strengths.

Sybill is incredibly complex and full of contradictions. She is intensely dramatic in her presentation, but down to Earth at her core. Part of her drama is all in fun. Since she was a young girl, she’s enjoyed teasing others and making fun of the stereotypes people hold about seers. She loves playing a role and being over the top. However, when it comes right down to it, she takes the inner eye very seriously and doesn’t appreciate it when others are flippant of the sight. Time is such a fickle creature and there are so many variables and players that being able to make accurate predictions is not some cheap parlor-trick (even if it is fun to play that part). However, as the war goes on, she finds it harder and harder to keep up the act. Sure, she tells her clients what they want to hear, but never anything too real. She won’t tell old Mrs. Boyce anything about her great-grandson, not even that he is actually still alive. The joy the old woman would feel would be beyond words. But then, how could Sybill protect the woman from searching for him and discovering the truth - that he’s a Death Eater who was responsible for the murders of his cousin and her family? Dark truths have always haunted Sybill, so she swallows them with shots of whiskey and assurances that the weather will be just fine for that small garden party you plan on throwing this weekend. Sometimes small and petty comfort is all we’re afforded.

Sybill doesn’t make friends easily. Her peers rarely seemed interested in her - just what she could do. She grew close to some girls in her year at first, but as time passed and her visions grew darker, she found it hard to be there for them. She would grieve twice for them - once when the vision hit, and then again when it came to pass. Her friends found it harder to relax around her. They would always be wondering what terrible things she had seen that she wasn’t telling them. If she did happen to tell them, they would desperately search for ways to prevent the vision from coming to pass, which more often than not was in vain and just served to make them resent her more. Her father’s condemnation of her curse ate away at her. After the accident in fifth year, it became a roar. Sybill would only ever bring misery and misfortune to others. The more she tried to bury her abilities, the more closed off she became. The day she graduated Hogwarts, she rode away on the Express in an empty compartment, with only her cat to keep her company.

She may not make friends easily, but she is not unfriendly. Perhaps distant, but never cold. She genuinely cares for others, even if she isn’t sure how to do right by them. Being surrounded by so much pain in Godric’s Hollow will be a real test to Sybill’s compassion. A platter of biscuits won’t be enough to ease the heartache felt by those who’ve lost everything. If she had done more, could she have prevented some of the tragedy? Her father had always told tales of how Cassandra brought misery and destruction when she unleashed her sight, but Sybill had done far worse by locking it away. Her guilt will not pass easily and will eat away at her until she can find someone to trust who can help her through it.

+Sybill is resilient. She could fog her mind and keep the visions at bay, but she refuses. She believes that she was given the sight for a reason, and that day Arabella found her was it. Sybill believes that she was always meant to prophesize the fall of the Dark Lord and now it is her duty to help keep the child safe. It’s why she’s come to Godric’s Hollow. Though a deceptively capable witch, she has no interest in war strategy and little stomach for battle.

-Sybill is often condescending. In school, things came so easily to her that it would baffle her that anyone could struggle or need her help with test questions. She just could not understand how people might have struggled with simple charms or potions. Her sight and ability to make predictions gave her insights to the manners of thinking of her peers and so she couldn’t understand how people might mis-read others. When her classmates would come to her for love advice or for answers to their homework, Sybill would often lose patience. It was all so simple - how did they not get it? For a time, she was forced to be a tutor in an attempt to get her to learn a little empathy and to make her a little less haughty, but it could only end badly, which it did.

+Sybill is reverant. She has a great deal of respect for her gift and for time itself. Though not common, she’s seen visions change midway through their playback and the outcome be completely different than what appeared to be the path at the start. She’s had the feeling of a vision float in the back of her mind, refusing to come into focus until moments before the event pass and then overheard a participant breathe a sigh of relief, stating “I had absolutely no idea how I was going to handle that!” She overall is a very respectful person. When she came to Godric’s Hollow, she first walked slowly through the town, breathing in the despair and heartache until she felt it. Stopping in her tracks, there was a house on the right. Pristine, except for a blown-out bay window that overlooked the destroyed garden. At that moment, she knew she’d found it - where she was supposed to be. While there are those who balk at her and call her disrespectful for taking up residence in the abandoned dwelling, it’s quite the opposite. It’s a house that has experienced such great love and loss that to simply abandon it and allow it to decay would be doing it a disservice. It’s not and never will be her’s. She is simply its caretaker. No one is coming back to claim it; she knows this. But she can’t let it fade away.

-Sybill is spiteful. She doesn’t get past slights easily. A lot of it comes from embarrassment of not always seeing the betrayal coming. The more blind-sighted she is, the harder it is for her to forgive. She forgave most of her school friends for their abandonment of her. She nearly always saw it coming and could understand why they did it. It was the kids who knew nothing about her but turned mean and cold that she couldn’t forgive. The kids who never appeared in any of her visions, who she had no reason to suspect, who suddenly turned on her - those were the betrayals that hurt the worst. When she was an adult, the hurt mostly came from those who still didn’t understand. Those who thought a seer in a dusty shop on Knockturn Alley would stop the war. They came wearing their mourning robes, throwing Sybill’s tea in her face and screaming that she ought to have told them - told them that their son was next. She should have told them not to let him go off by himself that day. She should have warned them that he was going to be snatched - that their family would be made an example of by the Death Eaters. She understands their pain and she tries to forgive it, but it hurts her too. Their blame hurts and is unfair. They’re adults - by now they should understand how this works (there’s that condescension again).

how has the war affected this character, emotionally and otherwise?

Compared to a great many others, Sybill has gotten off light and she knows this. Her family escaped being casualties of war by instead succumbing to completely natural calamities. If the Death Eaters know the source of the prophecy they fear, they haven’t considered her important enough to do anything about. That isn’t to say that she’s unscathed. Sybill has lost her friends. She’s lost any hope of making a significant connection with another person. She dreads the visions that come to her, showing her flashes of violence and misery. She is surrounded all day by death and sadness and that’s certainly taken a toll on her mental well-being. She maintains a dramatic and sometimes playful air, but it’s a desperate clinging to simpler times.

where does this character currently stand? with those who wish to hide in godric’s hollow until the war ends, with those who wish to rebuild the order and continue fighting the war, or on neither side? Why?

Honestly, Sybill stands with those who want to rebuild. She doesn’t understand how they can just hide until the war is over, when the Order is the only cohesive group fighting the Death Eaters. In her mind, if the war is ending and they’re hiding, then it’s only over because Voldemort has won. At that point, she fears that everyone will be too defeated (literally and figuratively) to resume fighting. If they don’t start getting their act together and begin striking back, then there will be no coming back.

But she never says any of this. Sybill is not a member and doesn’t feel that her opinion matters. She isn’t a strategist. She isn’t a warrior. She would be arguing for other people to do the fighting and she knows that isn’t fair. So for now, she keeps her mouth shut. She avoids vocally taking a side and she focuses on getting everyone somewhat settled in. She fixes up the home she has taken over as “caretaker” and she helps others do the same.

Has Sybill had any new visions since arriving in Godric’s Hollow?

No, I don’t believe that she has. It’s only been a few weeks since she’s relocated. While it’s true that she can’t prevent herself from having visions (not without powerful concoctions that she hasn’t taken since she was forced to as a child), she has been trying her hardest to make herself preoccupied by throwing herself into repair projects around the town. With everyone else reeling from the events from the past few months and walking on eggshells, Sybill doesn’t want to rock the boat with an untimely vision. But she can feel them brewing. She can feel them just on the edge of her sight, not quite in focus, but gaining form with each passing day.

Does she think she can help the Order, or does she believe her visions will only hurt?

Sybill wants to help the Order. She thinks she can help the Order. But she knows that her visions will only hurt - they already have. If it weren’t for her vision, Godric’s Hollow would still be a cozy village filled with witches and wizards of all ages. If it weren’t for Sybill’s visions, there wouldn’t have been such a massacre. The Order would not be in such a ruinous state and the war wouldn’t be stuck in some standstill threatened with mutually assured destruction if the fighting should continue on like this.

But as much as she blames her visions, they’re a part of her. They’re who she is and she wouldn’t change for anything - not even peace and an end to this bloody conflict. They all know that the boy will be the downfall of Voldemort. It’s just a matter of time and keeping the boy safe. In that capacity, Sybill is determined to help the Order. It was her prophecy that started this, it’s her responsibility to see it through.

extra

I wasn’t sure I’d be applying for Sybill, so I went ahead and tried to get a feel for her with the “if I were…” questionnaire. In my mind, she’s incredibly complex and loves the melodrama associated with seers

if i were a god/goddess, i’d be Hanuman - the Hindu deity of perseverance, service, and scholarly devotion, he aided Lord Rama in his battle against evil forces. After the things you’ve seen and witnessed, it would easy to admit that father was right - that you’re cursed and a bringer of dark tidings and misery. But you refuse to give up. You wrap yourself in another shawl and you persevere. Though great, you resist the temptation to give up and fog your mind or dull the senses as father made you do so many years ago.

if i were a season, i’d be false spring - the weather is on the upswing, the snow and ice have melted. The mud is thick, and grass will appear any day now. But up above, the sky is a deep blue and the wind has a biting chill to it that can only mean an impending freeze. Take the plants back inside and gather the firewood. These good tidings never last long.

if i were a time of day, i’d be early dawn, when the dew clings to grass and spiderwebs and a fog sits in the field - the day has barely begun and there’s still plenty of time for a few surprises.

if i were a place, i’d be the hidden reading nook in the dusty bookshop you didn’t know was still open - quiet, dark, but with a hidden hope and optimism.

if i were a type of weather, i’d be an oppressively hot day in summer - though scared of the power within, there is no denying its intensity. The opposition was given its first real taste of it and it made them desperate and overly aggressive. They paid a heavy price for their arrogance and there’s no telling what more tales of the future could do.

if i were a scent, i’d be coffee and whiskey mingling with an uplifting haze of sandalwood.

if i were a plant, i’d be a wisteria - beautiful in its blossoms, it appears delicate, but is incredibly resilient and can be poisonous.

if i were an element, i’d be earth - grounded and steady but intensely dramatic and moving.

if i were a color, i’d be a dark slate blue - haunted yet calming.

if i were a song, i’d be The Chain - your father promises that if you would just stop this foolishness, everything will be better. He isn’t mad at you, he still loves you, but you make it so damn hard when you carry this burden and insist on growing it instead of stamping it out. But he doesn’t realize that this thing that you have isn’t a burden. It isn’t a curse. It’s who you are. And if he can’t love you in spite of it, then, well… he never really loved you and never will.

if i were an item of clothing, it’d be a shawl - you cover yourself and who you really are. You bury yourself in the smooth fabric and become what they want you to be. You pull the silk over your nose and breathe in, letting it filter out the perfumed ash that hangs heavy in the air, the kind you’re supposed to sit in, as if that helps your inner eye see their futures better.

if i were an object, i’d be a candle - so smooth and solid from a distance, but covered in a thin layer of ash and brimming with uncertainty. A giver of light to illuminate the darkness, but reveals and strengthens the shadows in the process.

if i were one of the seven deadly sins, i’d be sloth - the fear of the known and the inability to stop it, leading to inaction. It is said that evil thrives when the good fail to act. When faced with visions of the future, it’s so much easier to forget it and move on.

if i were one of the seven heavenly virtues, i’d be humility - a deep respect and subservience to the nature of time. There are things that will always come to pass and others that are far more fickle - how do you know which is which? How do you know what won’t be made the worse with your meddling?

#hp rp #rp #marauders rp #lsrpg #hp roleplay #accepted

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brynwrites · 6 years

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Ask Compilation.

Topics covered:

Chapter Titles

Nonbinary character shenanigans

These Treacherous Tides, the series

Marketing yourself as an author via blog

Starting back up with writing

Writing children

Writing fighting woman with big hearts

Differentiating casts who feel similar

Writing in your native language vs English

And a few notes from my lovely followers.

All other questions should be listed on the ask queue page. (Except the last two WIP related questions I haven’t gotten around to answering…)

Chapter Titles

@aithlynfreyeaesthetic asked: Hello, I hope you're doing well. Are chapter title absolutely necessary? I've been avoiding chapter titles purely because I'm horrible at titles, but I've just always wondered.

Not at all! The majority of fiction books don’t use chapter titles. They can be fun, especially in certain genres, but they’re in no way necessary.

Nonbinary character shenanigans

@thebravetinsoldier asked: Hi! I’m writing a steampunk story were the main character is being hunted because they’ve cheated death and become immortal by changing their “deceased” parts with robotics and magic. I really want this character to be nonbinary, but part of the explanation is that they’ve changed parts of themselves so much that they no longer remember if they were a boy or a girl. Is this a bad thing? Sorry for the bad formulation, English is not my first language.

First up, I want to clarify that there’s nothing inherently wrong with most concepts in which nonbinary people are robots or mythical creatures, but it does paint an uncomfortable picture simply because there are so few nonbinary character in existence who are actually human, creating a implication that nonbinary people are not-quite-human because humans are the ones who have binary genders.

You fix that particular issue with a small adjustment: Let there be fully human/non-magical nonbinary characters in the world, even if they’re just a side characters who only appears in one scene.

The main problem here though, is the idea that physical appearance determines identity. Rather than presenting the main character as not being able to identify whether they’re a binary gender, it’s far better to present it as them knowing they don’t (and have probably never) felt like a binary gender, and feeling happy with the way their body is androgynous, because they don’t feel the need to present as a specific gender*.

Let me illustrate it this way: A girl who losses her physical, female body (or is born in a male body) will be no less a girl, even if society tries to tell her that she could or should be a boy. With time, she’ll still decide she is in fact a girl, no matter what her body says. The same is true with nonbinary people. If a person composed of robotics and magic decides they’re nonbinary, then it’s because they’ve always been nonbinary; they might have just taken a while to figure it out, especially if they original had a body their society told them had to assign them a binary identity.

(*this is not a qualification of being nonbinary by the way, though it is a common feeling among many nonbinary people.)

These Treacherous Tides, the series

@kiarazuri asked: You’ve mentioned before that Pearl is set in a mermaid series called These Treacherous Tides (awesome title, btw) and I was wondering how many books you’ve got planned? Also whether or not any of the books will interact with each other or just be set in the same world?

The These Treacherous Tides series is going to be a more or less unconnected series of romance/family-oriented books about different species of merfolk (and humans), though I’m not opposed in any way to cameos, especially of side characters.

I don’t officially have a second book planned yet, but merpeople are one of my favorite things in existence, and the moment I finished Our Bloody Pearl I knew I wanted to write more books about them. I do have two concepts I want to play with in future books, so I’ll be fleshing them out further and picking a direction for them once I’m finished with We Are, We Are Monsters.

Marketing yourself as an author via blog

Anon asked: hi! i'm getting into the final stretch of writing my first novel (i have a few drafts left to complete and then i'll begin the self-publishing process!) and i was looking into how to market myself. among other things, i've been told to create a separate tumblr blog to post about my writing. obviously, yours is working very well! i was wondering if you would suggest doing this and if you have any tips to get it started/gain a following? thanks!

I would definitely suggest creating some kind of blog for writing, and in my experience the writeblr community here is very encouraging and one of the most interactive writing communities on the web. The one thing I will mention though, is that every follower you talk to (i.e. are acquaintances or friends with) are worth a hundred followers you don’t know. I owe all my success to having a ton of writeblr friends who have (and continue to) reblog my posts like they’re gold.

Check out my marketing tag for a ton of posts I’ve written about this! (Make sure you scroll down to the article on building an audience.)

Starting back up with writing

Anon asked: So I've just had exams so I had to stop writing for a while, but now I want to get back into writing my novel but I'm really struggling. I feel like I've forgotten everything ugh. Do you have any advice on how to jump back in?

My key tips:

Start small. Write 50 words. Take a break. Write another 50 words.

Remove distractions. If you’re on tumblr you’re not writing.

Don’t worry if your writing doesn’t sound good! (Follow the link for a full post!)

Writing children

@bloodybutterfly222 asked: Hey! I really love your tips, and I thought maybe you could help me with a problem I've been stumbling in. I have a story that partially revolves around parenting (bonding with a 2-year-old, more specifically) but I realized I don't know how to write children speech/dialogue. Since I've never had much contact with children myself, I'm even more at a lost about how to portray it significantly and yet accurately. Do you happen to have any tips on the matter?

I would love to help you, but I have little current experience in this area too. (Which I’m kicking myself over, because I did nanny through all of college, but I didn’t actually think about the way children speak while I was doing it and so when I write my own child characters they tend to be really stiff and generic.)

The one piece of advice I will impart is this: Children are a lot smarter and braver and more creative than they’re given credit for, and they really do say the darnedest things. Some of my most memorable experiences with kiddos:

An eight year old asked me where evil and sin came from if god didn’t create it and then had a theological conversation with me that most adults couldn’t match.

He and his younger bother decided the heroes of our story would win by buying the villain a million ketchup covered pancakes.

Same younger bother spent ten minutes jumping on his bed shouting chocolate chips at the top of his lungs because he didn’t want to sleep.

Also same young brother would tell everyone he was moving across the country for exactly seven years whenever he was angry.

Multiple instances of really polite 4-6 year old kids coming up to me while I worked retail at the Zoo, asking some variation of “Excuse me, miss, but would be okay if I could buy one of those cups, thank you” and then conducting the entire purchase on their own.

Writing fighting woman with big hearts

@tokinokagura asked: Hello Sir, Regarding your answer about strong female characters. In your opinion, where do females who are strong and independent yet have a very very kind side (like a fighting mom or big sis type, or a type who got something to be strong for) and also how do I approach this scenario of a strong independent fighting strong mother/big sis figure? Thanks in advance

There’s no trick to writing this sort of character; you just write them. Show her being both strong and nurturing, independent and compassionate. Explore the way these traits interact and enhance each other. Does she love her own freedom and want to provide others who are oppressed the same independence she’s found? Does she see compassion as something the strong are required to give? Does she believe true heroes are the ones who fight for others? Look deeper into how she became who she is and why she fights for those she fights for, and then carry that throughout the story in every scene, every choice she makes.

Differentiating casts who feel similar

@katekarl asked: Alright, I could use some help with this WIP. I have a heavy cast of female characters, and I need a way to keep them from sounding too similar. Some of them ARE similar, and the differences in worldview/personality/dialogue might be a little too nuanced. What are some ways that I can try and keep them from looking like they were copy-pasted into their different roles?

Bullet points!

Unless your world is heavy on the sexism and holds to very constricting gender norms, it shouldn’t make any difference that they’re all women; they should have just as diverse a range of personalities, hobbies, strengths, etc as if they were a group of any mix of genders, so long as the class and cultural diversity doesn’t change.

If your characters are too similar to differentiate between them, then you probably don’t actually need all of them. Any two characters who consistently make very similar choices should almost always be combined. If two characters are in fact making very different choices despite being similar in personality and background, then it might be time to sit down and figure out where those choices are coming from and adjust one of the characters to make the origin of their choices obvious.

In my opinion, quirkier characters are always more fun than un-quirky characters, and there are a million different crazy and eccentric traits you can give your characters to make them stand out. (I have a post about developing side characters here which has a few more, similar concepts.)

Writing in your native language vs English

Hi, I can speak English on a B2/C1 level but it's not my native language. I want to write a novel but idk what language I should write in. I have a poetry blog in English and I used to write stories in English but I feel like something more serious requires wider vocabulary and better language skills in general. I have nowhere to post/publish it in my native language though, so it would probably end up forgotten if I were to write it in my native language:/ what do you think I should do?

I don’t have any advice other than this: You’ll get better at a language the longer to try to write more complicated things in it. If you want to write something more serious in English someday, the only way you’ll get there is by writing something serious is English now, even if you do a poor job of it at first.

Kind words

Anon said: I just wanted to say thank you for that fanfic answer and letting us in on what inspired you. I have an original novel in the works basically inspired by Steve and Bucky and wanting them to eventually build a definite relationship. But I didn’t want to write a fanfic, even though I love fanfic. It turned into a space opera thing

You’re very welcome! That sounds like an awesome space opera, and I wish you the best of luck with it! <3

Anon said: Hi I just saw what you said about writing through mental illness and I just had to tell you that it helped me so much! There is so much power in the advice and motivation you put there, thank you.

I’m glad it could help! I’ve been struggling as a writer (and human) with depression and anxiety for year now, and I’m just happy to share what I’ve learned <3 I’ll admit that some days I don’t... well I almost said I don’t win this battle, but that’s not a mentally healthy way of looking at it. Some days I have to give myself time to recoop. Some days, taking proactive steps towards tomorrow is the best course of action, even if that doesn’t include writing. (And the taking to best course of action is always a successful day, even if you didn’t get to any of the things you wanted to.)

Anyhow, I’m proud of myself for coming this far and I’m proud of you all for growing alongside me!

Anon said: Not an ask, rather a message. Sorry if it's in the wrong place--I'm kinda new. So, yes, I'm a newbie and I found your blog, and I love it! Keep on writing. I'll be looking forward your works. Cheers!

Thank you my friend! (This is exactly the write place. You’re so sweet to take the time to say this <3)

#writeblr #writing asks #ask compilation

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redrobin-detective · 6 years

Text

The Long Way Around 26

Hello and welcome back! We’re near the end but Izuku needs a bit of training before he gets there. How will it differ from before? Let’s find out.

AO3

Chapter Twenty-Six: Gear up for Succession

"Am I going to be moving more garbage today?" Izuku asks, bouncing on his feet eagerly. It's early in the morning on his first day of training; they're at a beach near his house that's been accumulating junk over the last few years. It's quiet and secluded and a perfect place to build up his strength.

"I'm betting Gran Torino already made you do something similar, didn't he?" All Might laughs heartily. "He used to make me haul around junk when I was your age. I know we don't have much time but I'd like to see you clean up as much of this beach as you can. This is going to be tiring work, between this and what Aizawa has planned. I'm afraid you're going to have to halt your martial arts training, at least for the time being."

"What?" Izuku says with a sinking heart. He couldn't just quit Rikimaru-shishou. There's still so much he could learn from his master, quirk or not. "I can keep up with it all, I promise."

"I'm afraid not, my boy!" All Might says, in what he probably thinks is a stern voice. "Gran Torino and I have worked out your schedule to the letter, it will be detrimental to your well-being if you overdo it. I admire your enthusiasm but in this case, I must insist."

"I understand," Izuku lies as he looks around at the piles of junk before him. So the whole beach, huh? "Lets see, given my current strength level, I'll only be able to move smaller items so I should focus on that first but I won't improve unless I challenge myself. Maybe it'll be more efficient to take one section at a time and move everything, big and small-" he mutters under his breath.

"Sharp as ever but your brain won't help you move all this trash!" All Might says, clapping him heartily on the back and sending Izuku face down into the sand. "Get to work Young Midoriya, you want to catch up to your classmates as soon as possible, don't you?"

"Y-yes!" Izuku shouts, pulling himself up and running over to a nearby microwave where he struggles for a moment but soon is carrying it back to the dumpster All Might had provided. He grins as he hefts the broken appliance into the dumpster. He's on his way.

XxX

"Hey All Might?" Toshinori looks up from the book on teaching he's reading. Young Midoriya is currently struggling to move a large table missing two legs. He's damp with sweat but he seems to be making good progress.

"Why did you pick me?" the boy pants as he stops and takes a few deep breaths. "I've been giving it some thought and there really are a lot of other people more suited for this kind of power than me."

"Nonsense, you have heart, you're intelligent and your bravery is only outstripped by your compassion. I couldn't have found a better successor if I searched the world over." Toshinori says as he coughs a few times into his fist, trying to keep his feeble voice from shaking. "I know you'll do incredible things with the power."

"Yeah, about that," Young Midoriya says with an awkward grin. "You see, one of the reasons I wanted to be a hero in the first place is that I wanted take on some of the prejudices and corruption in society. With a power like One For All, people will finally take me seriously and well," the boy looks abashed as he plays with his shoes in the sand. "I'm going to be honest and say that I'll probably be changing a lot of things once I'm a real pro."

"Oh you don't need One For All to do that, my boy," Toshinori says with a hint of sarcasm, thinking of the boy's recent escapades. "And that's one of the many reason why I chose you. A real hero doesn't just stop the evil found in villains but the evil present in everyday life. I choose you because of your vision and I would have been awfully disappointed had you decided to keep the status quo." His student gapes at him with wide eyes.

"Don't look so surprised young man, I was once an angry, quirkless boy myself. Who do you think championed for the removal of certain quirk discriminatory laws? Or made it possible for the quirkless to apply to Yuuei? One For All opens many doors, my boy," Toshinori winks.

"I had no idea, that was you?" Young Midoriya says with wide, sparkling eyes. Toshinori preens, he often gets praised for his strength against villains but he rarely gets appreciated for his efforts behind the scenes.

"I'd better get started then. I think I'm going to begin by heavily advocating for people to stop treating the quirkless and those with atypical quirks as lesser people." Young Midoriya says as he pushes the table with renewed vigor. "I'd also like to tackle the commercialism of the Heroics industry, maybe do away with rankings altogether. Heroes should be public servants not celebrities; I'm sure I could get a few of my classmates involved and..."

"You go!" Toshinori laughs, "change the world young man!" Young Midoriya was going to tear the system wide open and Toshinori couldn't wait to see it.

XxX

Izuku is half asleep at his desk, struggling to stay awake when the door slides open. Homeroom has already started so it's a bit unusual for anyone to be so late. He lets his eyes drift shut, oh well a momentary interruption will give him a chance to rest for a minute. And to think he still needs to find the energy for afternoon exercises plus training with Rikimaru-shishou after school... His lunch today is going to be nothing but coffee and energy drinks.

"Iida!" he hears Uraraka shout and Izuku forces his eyes open. Iida hasn't been back to school since the incident with Stain. Izuku hasn't really had the chance to talk to him since everything went down. There are audible gasps as Iida steps fully into the classroom and Izuku can't blame them.

Iida's arm is still in a sling but what everyone is probably looking at was the vicious scar running across the left side of his face. Izuku hadn't gotten to see it fully since it had been first covered by blood, then bandages but it's pretty bad. It starts just after his ear and cuts all the way across his cheek ending just above his lip. When he smiles, it's lopsided. All of 1-A is silent as Izuku stands himself up. If only he'd been faster...

"Iida," Izuku says emotionally as his friend walks towards him purposefully. He's expecting some sort of rebuke but is shocked when Iida wraps his good arm around Izuku and pulls him close.

"Thank you my friend," Iida says softly. "Thank you giving me the chance to stand here and make myself into a better hero." He pulls back and smiles again. "Your media stunt was quite reckless and while I don't approve, I think I finally understand what you've been trying to tell us. You've proven to me beyond a doubt that this is where you're meant to be. Let's move forward together."

"I'm," Izuku says thickly as he wipes at his eyes. "I'm glad to see you're doing better, Iida. And I'm going to do my best to get better so I can keep you safe next time."

"I extend the same to you," Iida smiles warmly and the scar doesn't look quite so bad. "Your determination is admirable but please try not to overdo it. You look like you're about to fall over, Midoriya, please sit down."

XxX

"How's the lad doing?" Torino asks his former student as they sit on a couple of plastic chairs and watch the boy wrestle with a few large pieces of sheet metal. It's just as entertaining as it had been during the internship.

"He's making real good progress. I'm quite impressed given the time constraints we have," Toshinori says with a dopey, proud smile. Torino almost rolls his eyes, Toshinori always was a sap.

"This would go faster if I had some help!" The kid yells back as he throws one of the pieces of metal in the dumpster. He's shaky and sweaty and looks about ready to fall over.

"But then you wouldn't get the experience, would you?" Toshinori teases, seemingly not noticing the boy's haggard state. Torino sighs as he digs into the cooler next to him for some water. Is he really surprised that Mr. Go Beyond isn't noticing his student's limits? It's because of that attitude Toshinori needs a successor in the first place.

"You're both wrong. Here, catch kid," Torino says, tossing the water bottle to the boy. Midoriya doesn't even come close to catching it but he dusts off the sand and gulps half the thing down before sinking to the ground.

"Don't listen to muscle head over here or you'll end up just like him. You're doing just fine at the rate you're going so don't worry about it. You've got school in an hour so don't overburden yourself." He says even as he glares at Toshinori. The fool at least has enough sense.

"I'm trying," Midoriya moans, not noticing the silent exchange. "I know I need to expand my boundaries but I'm hurting all over."

"That means we're getting somewhere, kid," Torino says. "And this ain't just to improve your strength. One For All packs quite a punch. If your body ain't strong enough to handle it, it could blow you all to pieces."

"It what!?" the boy squeaks, hugging himself.

"Don't scare my successor away so soon," Toshinori grumbles. "It will be fine, my boy, don't worry. That's why we're out here training. So you better get back to it," Torino glares at him. "Er uh after you've had a bit of a rest that is."

XxX

"Young Midoriya, would you care to have lunch together?" Toshinori asks with a smile, holding up his bento.

"No way man, lunch with All Might!" Young Kirishima says, clapping him on the back. "Catch us up later, just don't fall asleep like you did in 4th period!" He says, waving Young Midoriya goodbye as he continues down the hall.

"Is there something you need?" Young Midoriya asks with a tired expression. The training is clearly wearing on him, in addition to a full schoolday and whatever Aizawa is doing with him in the afternoon. But the boy hasn't asked to slow down yet and already Toshinori can see some improvement in his physique.

"No, no, I just thought we could talk for a bit," Toshinori says cheerily to cover his anxiety. "There are some things you need to be made aware of before we continue any further."

"Alright," the boy smiles as he follows Toshinori to their normal room. Young Midoriya puts so much faith in him, it's empowering but also terrifying. The boy has no idea just what he's getting involved in and it's about time he learned.

Toshinori lets them settle in the room and they make lighthearted conversation as they eat their lunches. He's a bit worried to see the young man quickly downing an energy drink before doing the same with his coffee but he supposes that's normal for kids these days.

"My boy," Toshinori begins slowly, during a break in the conversation. "There's something you should know about One For All, should you take it. This power, it's not normal and it's got a long history behind it. You need to know about All For One." And so he lays out the whole sordid tale just as Nana had a long, long time ago. Young Midoriya listens with rapt attention, occasionally nodding or humming as he's told of the bloodied legacy he is to inherit.

"- I thought I'd managed to end All For One years ago but we suspect that the League of Villains is just a cover to hide himself. I'm sorry it's come to this but you need to be prepared to face him, sooner rather than later, if you accept this power. I know it's a lot, my boy, but you deserved to know."

"I understand," Young Midoriya says somberly. "I'll be ready if that happens."

"It's a bit more serious than that, I'm afraid." Toshinori says as he unbuttons his jacket and pulls up his too big dress shirt. Young Midoriya gasps as Toshinori reveals the ugly scarring on his torso.

"It's not pretty, is it?" Toshinori chuckles weakly. "That last battle I mentioned, All For One wasn't the only one to take a few hits. It nearly put me down for good, it's why I look like I do. I've had my stomach and one of my lungs removed. Pretty soon, One For All will be too much for me to handle, hence, my need for a successor."

"You couldn't let the villains see you as weak," Young Midoriya mutters with wide eyes, "that's why no one knows."

"I was the Symbol of Peace," Toshinori says as puts himself back in order. "It was my duty to ensure the safety of the public. And soon, it will be your turn. But I want you to remember that there are real stakes involved here. All For One isn't someone to take lightly and I don't-I don't want to see you make my mistakes." If his student was ever hurt because of him...

"I do understand and scars don't scare me," Young Midoriya says as he rolls up his pant leg and reveals the mark given to him by Shigaraki. It's an ugly thing, rough and discolored. That's not even counting the scars he obtained during the Sports Festival and his fight with Stain. It pains him that boy is collecting such things at such a young age. "I'll be careful. As long as you're by my side, I'll get a handle of this quirk and make you proud."

Toshinori smiles but all he wants to do is apologize. He ought to tell the boy about his latest doctor's appointment, about the way his body is steadily failing him. He should prepare the boy for the reality in which, sooner rather than later, Toshinori follows his master. He'd give anything for more time but mistakes have a way of catching up at inconvenient times. All he can hope is that he'll be enough, here and now, to prepare the boy for the inevitable.

"Thank you, my boy, but you don't need to worry. I'm already proud of you."

XxX

"What the hell have you been doing with that boy?" Shouta shouts as Yagi hunches his shoulders. The older hero has the sense to look abashed as he glances over at Midoriya who's still out cold. "You were supposed to catch him up, not kill him!" Shouta says through gritted teeth.

Despite what others may claim, Shouta is not as indifferent as he appears.

He'd had to have been blind not to see Midoriya get steadily more exhausted once he started his training with All Might. With a whole class to manage, Shouta had made the mistake of assuming everything was alright right until the boy collapsed during this afternoon's training. It's been fifteen minutes and the kid hasn't so much as twitched from Recovery Girl's bed.

"Young Midoriya is very spirited, I asked him several times if he needed to slow down but he always seemed so eager to continue." Yagi says, looking down and playing with his fingers. This man is going to give Shouta an aneurysm one of these days.

"The same boy who confronted a serial killer, who spat in the face of every person who's tried to keep him down?" Shouta asks in a deadly calm voice. "He's 15 and he practically worships you. He'd break all his bones if he thought it would please you. It's your job," he says poking the man's thin chest, "to know his limits and make sure he doesn't go beyond them. I cannot believe Nedzu trusted the boy in your care when you clearly have no idea what you're doing."

"Calm down, Aizawa," Recovery Girl says as she steps back into the room. "Yes, Toshinori is a novice teacher and a fool but it seems this isn't entirely his fault. I just got off the phone with the boy's martial arts teacher. It seems that, despite what the young man told us, he was still keeping up with his biweekly sessions. Rikimaru-san said he'd noticed Midoriya's exhaustion but had no idea the young man had picked up extra training." She gives a wry smile, "We've been had, gentlemen."

"But he told me he'd stopped," Yagi protests weakly, looking over at the pale boy on the bed.

"I'm going to kill him," Shouta says, looking up at the ceiling. He'd been under the impression that, without a quirk, Midoriya would be one of his easier students. If only he could go back in time and slap himself across the face for not noticing the obvious reckless streak in the boy. Was it too late to return him to General Education? No, no he'd already threatened to leave the school and heavens knows another hero school wouldn't be able to control him.

"That would be counter-productive," Recovery Girl smiles, looking entirely too amused. "Let this be a lesson to all of us. Midoriya is not above trickery to get what he wants and he's got an alarming lack of concern for his own well-being. Toshinori, I know you want what's best for the boy so you need to make sure he doesn't emulate your bad habits if this is going to work." The doctor says, giving Yagi a meaningful look that Shouta can't even begin to decipher.

"If this happens again, I'm taking him away from you, I don't care what the Principal says." Shouta growls, putting his finger right in Yagi's face. "Now I have 19 very distressed students to calm, not to mention trying to salvage some part of this day." He turns and stalks towards the door, "Recovery Girl, would you please forward me the information on Midoriya's master. I need to make sure he's up to date on what's going on so the kid doesn't sneak around us again."

"I will and tell the children that their friend will be fine, he just needs rest is all," Recovery Girl answers. "And don't be so rough on him when he wakes up. I can recall another Gen Ed transfer student who pushed himself a little too hard to prove he was good enough."

Of course she had to bring that up. Shouta grunts in response as he leaves the room but once the door closes he can hear Yagi and Recovery Girl furiously whispering to one another. There's something else going on here but he has no idea what. Well they can have their secrets for now but so help him if Midoriya ends up suffering again due to Yagi's negligence then Shouta will have to take action.

XxX

"You. Are. Supposed. To. Be. Smarter. Than. This," Daiki says, smacking his most aggravating martial arts student on the head with a rolled up newspaper.

He'd known something was wrong when the boy was showing clear signs of overexertion but he'd forgotten how good Midoriya was at deflecting and putting up appearances. It was only when he'd gotten a call from Yuuei's doctor and later the kid's homeroom teacher did he regret not pushing the issue. Once more, he'd underestimated Midoriya's sheer stubbornness.

"I'm sorry Rikimaru-shishou, I-" Midoriya begins to explain but Daiki cuts him off with another smack on the head.

"I don't want to hear it! How many times do we have to go over this? Overtraining makes you sloppy. After that stunt you pulled with the newspapers you gotta keep your guard up!" He says, swatting the kid on the head a few more times before throwing the paper off to the side.

"I thought I could handle it," Midoriya mutters, rubbing at his head. "I thought if I managed my time and energy, I could keep up with it all." Daiki rubs at his eyes. Only Midoriya would think he'd be able to balance three highly intensive training schedules without anyone knowing. He'll never breathe a word to the kid but it's impressive as hell Midoriya was able to keep up the charade for two whole weeks.

"And how did that work out for you?" Daiki asks sarcastically and watches his student drop his head in shame. He sighs, well that's enough recrimination for today. "I can't believe you wanted to keep coming here. If the Number One himself offered to personally train me, I wouldn't have even bothered with a goodbye."

"But I don't want to stop," Midoriya insists with a stubborn pout. "I love it here, you've taught me so much about martial arts and about myself and I wanted to keep learning as long as I could." The boy's shoulders slumped. "But even if I wanted to, Aizawa-sensei and All Might are making me stop."

"Hey kid," Daiki says kneeling down to Midoriya's level where the young man has a frustrated set to his brow, so different from the boy who first came to him with tears in his eyes.

Never in a million years could he have predicted how far this boy would go when he'd first entered the Dojo or how much the kid would end up growing on him. "I get it. This is an opportunity you can't pass up, a chance to make real progress with your dream. You need to focus on that and, if your schedule ever frees up, you're always welcome to drop by for a quick spar."

"Okay, I will," Midoriya sighs. "So what will you do when you're no longer teaching me?"

"I'll find something; a few others have graduated so probably pick up a new student or two," there's a look in Midoriya's eyes that promises mischief. "This doesn't have to do with the kid who's sitting in the waiting room, does it?" Daiki asks dryly, despite knowing the answer.

"Shinsou! Come on in!" Midoriya calls as a tall, purple haired boy shyly steps into the room. Daiki has seen the kid before when Midoriya's dragged his friends over a few times to train. In fact, he's pretty sure his student beat him in the Sports Festival. "This is Shinsou Hitoshi, he's a good friend of mine from Gen Ed. He's got an amazing brainwashing quirk but the heroes won't take him seriously unless he's better trained."

"I see, thank you for your input but what does your friend have to say?" Daiki asks, looking the kid up and down. He doesn't look like much and Daiki can tell from the boy's stance that he doesn't have any significant fighting experience. Then again, neither did Midoriya at the start.

"I uh," Shinsou begins slowly before steeling himself. "I know I don't have much going for me right now. But I can tell you I've got a better chance than Midoriya did when he first started training," his student squawks at that but Shinsou continues. "I spent a lot of time being angry for not having the right quirk but now I'm determined to make it work for me. I'm not as crazy as Midoriya but I can say that I will give everything I can to become a hero. I won't let a quirkless idiot show me up for too long."

"Another great introduction," Daiki laughs as Midoriya playfully shoves his friend. "Midoriya got down on his knees and cried but I like your honesty. Be here Wednesdays and Thursdays after class and we'll see if you've got what it takes." Shinsou, his new student, grins and Daiki can tell that it's an expression his face isn't used to.

It's always bittersweet to see students move on but Midoriya has more than earned his right to stand alongside the country's greatest heroes. He will admit Midoriya has a keen eye for talent. Maybe he's looking at another future hero student. After all, if the quirkless kid could fight his way to the very top, then who's to say that anything is impossible?

XxX

"Woah, take it easy, Midoriya," Eijiro says, holding up his hands. "You don't want to exhaust yourself again." Midoriya looks at him with a wild glint in his eye and it's like looking into a hurricane. Maybe he really does have a quirk and it's being a terrifying badass.

"I'm fine, I can keep going," Midoriya says, tightening his grip on his staff. "I'm not weak, I can handle it."

"Dude," Eijiro says, gently stepping forward, making sure to make no sudden movements. "No one's calling you weak, you just tore through half the class," he says, gesturing to where several of his classmates are nursing scrapes and bruises. "We're just worried you're gonna burn out again, it was pretty scary seeing you collapse the other day."

"I cut my training schedule so it won't happen again," Midoriya says but his tone is softer and he lowers his staff a bit. "But I'm sorry I worried you guys, I just can't help feeling like I'm so far behind. I need to get stronger and I need to do it fast."

"Why are you in such a hurry?" Uraraka asks from the sidelines. "We have three years to train and become better heroes. I think you're doing just fine the way you are."

"I agree," Iida says, chopping with his good hand. "Your strength and determination is as admirable as it is inspiring but overdoing it will only hurt you in the long run. We ask you to be cautious not because we think less of you but because we want you to be healthy enough to reach your full potential."

"I understand that, it's just," Midoriya takes a deep breath and looks off to the side where Aizawa is lecturing All Might on something or other. Probably still yelling at him for going too hard on Midoriya. The Number One looks sheepish but is taking quick notes in a tiny notebook. "I have somewhere I want to reach and if I don't get better now, I'll never get there."

Not for the first time, Eijiro is just in awe of the ambition that flows through Midoriya. If he's reading between the lines correctly, than Midoriya is reaching not just to graduate as a hero but to grab the Number One spot as well. Bakugou's got the same dream, but it's easier for him with his incredibly powerful quirk. Midoriya will have a much tougher time but damn if Eijiro doesn't believe he can do it.

"I getcha and we'll help you get there, don't worry, just be sure not to over do it again and spend some time with us mere mortals. Uraraka's right, we have time, let's enjoy being kids while we can. Let's hang out after school, I'll treat you to some mochi."

"I'd love to but um," Midoriya grins sheepishly, "All Might's got this intense schedule planned out and I really need to keep at it. Soon, I promise, I just really can't right now."

"Boo, All Might would totally give you an afternoon off if you asked," Uraraka whines, sticking her tongue out at Midoriya.

"Uraraka, we must respect Midoriya's choices," Iida says as he adjusts his classes. "Just keep in mind that All Might is a novice teacher who does not understand normal limits. If his schedule is too much for you, please have the sense to tell him so."

"What Iida means is that if All Might kills you with his training, ribbit, then Aizawa-sensei will kill him," Tsuyu adds causing the whole group to crack up.

XxX

"Amazing job, my boy! You've been coming and working on your own time, haven't you?" All Might beams and Izuku gives a lopsided grin from the ground where he's taking a break from his little project. It's nowhere near clean, that would take months, but he's made some good progress. Plus he's finally starting to see the results as he stretches out his now much more muscular arms. "I uh trust you're not pushing yourself, I don't need Aizawa in my face again anytime soon."

"Don't worry, I won't overdo it again," Izuku says sheepishly. He doesn't want to get yelled at again but he's been feeling especially antsy lately. Moving trash around has been helpful at clearing his head. He's got an awful lot to think about with final exams and... everything else coming up. "But don't worry, I'm still giving this all I have."

"I can tell, your efforts these past few weeks really have made me certain I've made the right choice." All Might grins before he suddenly changes forms and coughes hoarsely into his fist, wheezing in a painful sounding way. Izuku isn't sure he's ever going to get used to seeing his idol so vulnerable. All Might gently falls down next to him, facing the setting sun.

"Thank you, I'm trying real hard to be a good vessel. I uh know it's been hard on you, having to carry the quirk with your injury and I'll get there soon so you won't have to strain yourself anymore," Izuku says awkwardly. He's felt bad for taking so long and all the lectures about not overworking himself can't compete against the guilt of watching All Might waste away right in front of him.

"Oh, my boy," All Might says, gently patting Izuku's hand. "Is that why you've been pushing yourself so hard? Please don't worry about that, I appreciate the care but this old man doesn't want to see you getting hurt. You're almost ready to receive One For All so just take it easy."

His gnarled hand stays on Izuku's for a few extra moments before pulling back and it's nice. It's comforting, his presence and it's more than just the fact that this man has been his hero since childhood. Izuku doesn't remember his father, but he imagines this is sort of how the relationship is supposed to work.

"I know, I just want to do this right. This is an incredible opportunity you've given me and I can't help but wonder if I'm really the best candidate. But I," Izuku looks down at his callused hands. "I want to stop thinking like that and instead imagine all the ways I can use it to be the best hero I can."

"That's a good attitude to have, young man," All Might says as he settles more comfortably in the sand. "If it helps any, you've already become something of my hero." Izuku looks over at All Might with wide eyes while the man stares dreamily off into the horizon.

"I was in a bad place when we first met last year. I was tired and in pain and struggling to find hope as my body and spirit lost it's vitality." He glances over at Izuku, "You reminded me why I wanted to become a hero, back when I was about your age. You gave me back something I thought I'd never have again. I know it hasn't been very long but being around you, it makes me happy."

"Wow," Izuku says hoarsely. All Might chuckles and gently ruffles his hair.

"I thought I told you to stop crying all the time," the pro says warmly. "It's not becoming of a young hero."

"I can't help it when you say things like that," Izuku counters with a watery smile while All Might stops ruffling his hair. They sit for a minute in companionable silence before Izuku ducks his head and looks at his hero out of the corner of his eyes. "All Might?"

"Yes, my boy?"

"Do you uh do you think I'm cheating, accepting this quirk?" He asks almost too quietly to be heard. He can feel the hero turning to face him but Izuku keeps his eyes trained on the sand. "I mean, does this invalidate everything I did before? I worked so hard to get into Yuuei, into Heroics but does One For All take away from that?"

"Do you think it does?" All Might asks softly, Izuku just shrugs. "If you're not comfortable with this, Young Midoriya, I'm not going to force the quirk on you."

"I know that and I still want it but," Izuku groans and bends over further while anxiously ruffling his hair. "I had this idea in my head of what kind of hero I wanted to be. I wanted to be an example to people everywhere who have been told their whole life that they're worthless. I wanted to be proof that change was possible, that we didn't need to stay in the boxes society put us in. One For All..." he trails off awkwardly, unable to find the words to describe his feelings.

"One For All complicates things," All Might finishes, draping an arm around Izuku's shoulder. "In the end, all I can say is that, quirk or no, you're still you. You still went through all those experiences, still struggled and suffered. It's going to be different with a quirk, I can't lie about that, but that doesn't mean your old dreams are gone. Either way you have the ability to effect great change as my successor"

"Yeah, but I can do more with a quirk" Izuku sighs and sits back up so he can look at the setting sun.

"Still having second thoughts?" His hero questions.

"Always, I don't think that will ever go away." Izuku balances on his fist watching the colors of the sky fade out as he looks into the future. "But then I think of all the people I'll be able to save with your power, how much louder I'll be spreading my message. It's not perfect but I'll be a better hero and I can't turn my back on that now that it's an option."

"You're going to be amazing," All Might grins. "You're going to surpass me and I'll be helping you get there for as long as I'm able." Izuku's heart clenches at the quiet reminder of his hero's ill health.

"I'll always need you," Izuku mutters, scooting a little closer and leaning on All Might's shoulder. "Not just for One For All, but for things like this."

"Then I'll just have to do my best to stick around for a while, won't I?" All Might says and the two of them lapse into comfortable silence as they watch the sun slowly rise in the sky. Things are going to change very soon and Izuku is scared and wondering if he's ready. But for now, Izuku thinks it's alright for them to simply sit on the beach and enjoy each other's company.

#fic: the long way around #boku no hero academia #bnha fics #bnha

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legilimensxsnape · 6 years

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Why I love Snape

//Disclaimer: English is not my first language, therefore there might be mistakes. If it’s the case, tell me and I will correct them.// Snape is like an iceberg. The visible part, his bad side, is shown to the world. We see the ugly man who doesn’t take care of himself, who bullies his students. The man who exposes a werewolf, the man who is vindictive, mean, evil. But as an iceberg, it’s only the top, the visible part. And under the surface, there is a little boy who was abused at home. There is a little boy who had no one, no friends. The little boy who lived hell at home everytime his parents were fighting and everytime his dad abused his mom and everytime he got whipped by his dad. There is a little boy who thought "Finally! Hogwarts will be my home!" And yet, he was still abused and bullied at the place where he was supposed to feel safe, to feel protected .The boy grew up and the only friend he had decided to broke their friendship. Faced with the feeling of being nothing, and being nothing to no one, he decided to become a Death Eater, the only place where he was accepted, where he was appreciated. He was 18-19. Obviously came the day where he realized he made a huge mistake, at age 21. At age 21, he realized the only person he cared about was killed because of him. At age 21, he decided to change sides. At age 21, he swore to be loyal to Dumbledore, what he did until his death 17 years later. He spied on Voldemort, put his life in danger, protected Harry Potter and all his students at all costs. That man was depressed, scarred, had no support system and had to deal with his mental illness while trying to save the world. He was brave, selfless and didn’t care about himself. He didn’t live for himself, but for others. He also had to be a professor at a place where he was abused and bullied, and he never even wanted to be a professor. He also kills Dumbledore, what he didn’t want to do because he was his only friend, but did it to save Draco’s soul. Snape cared about his soul, but Draco’s soul, a child who still could be saved was more important. That man, let’s recapitulate, was abused his whole life, and never even thought he was worth something. Severus Snape is like a dog who has been beaten its whole life and then people would expect it not to bite. With everything Snape has been through, it is understandable that he ended up being a bitter, mean, vindictive man. What is surprising, is that he still managed to care, to love, to protect. He still managed to LOVE AND TO CARE, he still managed to be SELFLESS. And this is what makes him beautiful. Despite the odds, Severus Snape still managed to care. He spent like three years being a Death Eater, and we have no reason to believe he ever killed someone, because everything suggests he never killed anyone. Then he spent 17 years fighting for the good and trying to fix his mistakes. He gave up on his life to fight for the good. This is the pure definition of being a hero. And if people don’t see that, don’t understand the concept of being a victim, don’t understand that sometimes, victims of abuse can’t go back and can’t "change", if people don’t understand the psychology of someone, of a victim, don’t understand that Snape was also a survivor, and that he had huge issues, then I feel sorry for them. I feel sorry for their lack of compassion, for their lack of understanding. Yes, Snape was a bully. It’s everything he has ever known in his entire life. It doesn’t make it ok, but to say he was evil for doing so is blaming a victim for how they handle the situation. Snape had problems, mental issues, and instead of understanding him (I would say instead of helping him but since he is not real I can’t), people bash him. It’s not like he tortured his students, he was only a mean professor. You can’t expect him to be good towards the kids if no one ever taught him how or if no one ever treated him good. Harry Potter was abused as a kid and he understood Snape, he FORGAVE him. Harry Potter was kind, he knew how Snape felt being abused, and he saw the bravery of Snape, how he gave up on his life to protect people. Harry saw the real Snape. Harry, the guy who was bullied by Snape, forgave him and even tried to clear his name, to show how good of a man he was. That being said, how can people still hate Snape? How can people still think he is evil? How can people not understand him? How can people not accept that Harry named his son after Snape? How can people only see the top of the iceberg, while the biggest part is below? How can people not feel sorry for Snape? Snape was human and he did everything he could with what was given to him. His life was hard and if it weren’t for Lily, he would have probably killed himself while he still was at Hogwarts. He was bitter for a reason. He had unresolved issues who kept piling up and he still fought. I can’t stop myself from admiring him and loving him. I obviously don’t admire him for bullying children. I admire him because of his capacity to be strong, to be brave, to be loyal, to be selfless despite everything. Because everyone has flaws, and because you don’t admire someone for their flaws or their mistakes, but for their qualities, their strengths. I’m proud to be a Snape lover, I’m proud to be a pro-Snape.

#Harry potter #Snape #severus snape #pro snape #snape lover #snape is a hero

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petaldancing · 6 years

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fic: all we shouldn’t regret

fandom: pokemon characters: flannery/roxanne prompt: things you said after you kissed me notes: another prompt from twitter!

“You should really watch where you’re going,” was the first thing she ever said to Flannery. It hadn’t been a very good first impression. Flannery landed on the floor after their unfortunate collision along the hallway. Her hands ached from cushioning her fall, but she was otherwise fine. Unlike her, the brunette didn’t lose her footing, as if she held a firmness in every step she took. Instead of feeling embarrassed or upset, Flannery found herself staring up in slight awe at this young woman with a big red bow in her hair.

Despite her clipped remark, the woman bent over and helped Flannery to pick up the files that had tumbled out of her arms. She glanced at the label of one of the folders, and said, “I see you’re applying to become a gym leader as well.”

“Yeah, I am!” Flannery answered, a little too eagerly, and felt her ears grow hot. “I mean, I’ve wanted to every since I was a kid. But there’s a ton of paperwork to submit and I got kinda overwhelmed… I’m sorry!”

The woman managed to collect all the files into a neat stack in one arm. As she rose to her full height, she offered her empty hand to Flannery. Flannery took it and was hoisted up, surprised again by the woman’s strength in spite of her smallish frame.

“It’s alright. Just make sure it doesn’t happen again,” she said, passing the files back to Flannery. “I understand the nervous jitters about applying for the position, in any case. I’m Roxanne. I suppose we’ll be in the same course come spring.”

“Yes, we will! I’m Flannery!” she said, again too quickly, but Roxanne did not mind it. Instead, she nodded politely and carried on walking down the hallway.

Flannery resisted the urge to turn and stare. She could still hear the faint tap of Roxanne’s shoes against the tiled floor, growing softer. Stepping forward, she reminded herself why she was here in the first place. At least this trip to the Pokemon Association wasn’t as boring as she thought it was going to be.

“You should straighten your posture. Pokemon imitate their trainer. They’ll have a better fighting stance if you do, too.”

Flannery felt something crack in her lower back as she relaxed her shoulders and raised her head, feeling her back tighten. This was going to take some getting used to. She laughed as she said, “Thanks for taking time out to help me with training, Roxanne.”

“You’re welcome. This helps me apply my lessons from the Trainer's School, so it’s a win-win for both of us,” Roxanne spoke from the other side of the training arena. Nosepass was out of its pokeball, waiting for the match to start. Flannery knew that to become a gym leader, she needed to be good enough to test any challenger, including those who had pokemon with type advantages against hers. She’d beat Roxanne’s winning streak soon enough.

“Go, Numel!”

Her partner sprung into the fray in a brilliant flash of red, not even waiting for the signal that the battle had begun as he charged towards his opponent. Nosepass and Roxanne were ready for it. “Double Team!” she ordered, folding her arms in front of herself as Nosepass’ doubles made Numel’s eyes spin. “First, you reduce accuracy, which lowers the probability of a successful attack!” she explained. Flannery had heard this before—Roxanne had an awfully cute habit of showing off her knowledge of pokemon.

“Sunny Day!” Flanner jabbed her finger into the sky as Numel lifted his head, a plume of smoke trailing out from the hole on his hump. The sun’s rays intensified at Numel’s call, and Roxanne had to hold her arm over her eyes.

“You should know better by now. Fire-type attacks, even if multiplied by terrain effects, are still ineffective against my lovely rock hard pokemon!” Roxanne tutted. Still covering her eyes, she raised her other hand in a graceful arc, skirt bouncing with her movements. “Nosepass, use Rock Slide!”

The compass pokemon and its three mirror images leapt up and struck the ground simultaneously with their arms, causing it to crack and split. The resulting debris tumbled towards Numel, who had no opening to dodge the onslaught of rocks. Flannery winced as her pokemon took a hit to the body and skidded back to her side of the arena.

“Once more, Nosepass!”

“Numel, use Magnitude!” Flannery called out as Nosepass jumped into the air.

Numel growled and rammed its front feet into the earth, sending a shockwave through the earth in the same moment Nosepass made contact, catching it completely off guard. Flannery wobbled on her feet as the whole arena rumbled, smiling to herself as Nosepass’ doubles disappeared. When the dust cleared, it was only Numel and an unconscious Nosepass left in the middle of the worn down field.

“How is that possible! Your pokemon…”

“My pokemon can learn moves that aren’t fire-type,” Flannery finished the sentence for her. If Roxanne went by the book, Flannery was the complete opposite—she was driven only by her intuition, and the memory of her grandfather’s battles, how unpredictable and exhilarating they always were.

“It seems I still have much to learn myself,” Roxanne said, removing her hand from her face. “But don’t go lowering your guard, Flannery. I intend to think of a way to counter this.”

Underneath the glaring sunlight, if Flannery squinted her eyes, she could make out Roxanne’s smile, and the thought that she had coaxed it out made her heart flutter.

“You shouldn’t let these things get to you, Flannery. You’re a Gym Leader now.”

Flannery didn’t look up from her crumpled dress. She brought her knees closer to her chest, watching the material crease even more. Her feet were aching from walking around in her mother’s heels. The only reason she hadn’t kicked them off was because she knew she’d have to go back in eventually and pretend that she knew exactly what she was doing. “What does that even mean, Roxanne?”

“A Gym Leader’s duty is to test trainers, and to present them a Pokemon League badge if they prove themselves capable,” Roxanne said with with ease. It was one of the many bits of guidelines and fineprint she’d memorised from the handbook given to them at the start of the training course. Flannery hadn’t even read past the introduction.

“That’s what it means technically, but what does it mean to you?” Flannery asked, her cheeks flushing when she noticed that Roxanne was squatting next to her now. “What are you going to say when they force you go up and make that speech?” she continued, her voice softer this time.

Why did every gym leader have to go up and make an acceptance speech, anyway? Wasn’t proving that she was a good battler enough? She should have known that the Pokemon Association was going to test them sooner or later. She just hadn’t expected the test to be on the night of the appointment ceremony. They were going to see how the new leaders would carry themselves in front of the media, whether they were a good face for the League. No wonder grandfather never liked going for official Association meetings.

“That I graduated from the Pokemon Trainer’s School, that I will be Rustboro’s new gym leader, and that I intend to use my time as gym leader to better myself and to perfect the teachings of the school.”

“A model answer from a model student.” Flannery couldn’t help but say.

Instead of scolding her for taking that tone, Roxanne inched closer so that their arms were touching. Both of them were wearing sleeveless dresses, and the contact made Flannery both confused and comforted.

“What’s wrong, Flannery?”

“I just…” She bit her lip. “I just don’t know what kind of gym leader I should be. Should I pretend to be cool and composed so people take me seriously? Should I act friendly so that everyone’ll get along? Should I say that I’ll be a great gym leader, even though I know I’m not?”

Roxanne did not reply straightaway. Instead, she stood up and took a few steps forward, into the moonlight casting through the tall glass windows. Her skin glowed under the light as she closed her eyes tentatively. It became so quiet that they could hear the party and the chatter from down the hallway. It took a moment for Flannery to realise that her friend was giving her time to breathe and slow her thoughts.

"That's not like you at all." When Roxanne finally spoke, her words had a teasing lilt in them. "Weren't you the one who always bulldozed herself forward and never let anything stop her?"

"It was just that one time, Roxanne. And I was the one who fell down," Flannery said with a chuckle. Yes, she always did have a knack for getting herself into situations because of her one track mind.

“What I'm trying to say is that you’ll figure that out along the way, won’t you? You don’t need to decide what kind of gym leader you’ll become right now. I believe we all find ourselves during our tenure." Roxanne walked back, extending her hand out once again. “What I do know is that you’ll be a fantastic gym leader as long as you don’t get distracted, and you improve your posture.”

“Is it still that bad?” Flannery asked, her cheeks red now out of embarrassment. She didn't want to let go of Roxanne's hand just yet, but there was no reason left to hold it now that she was up on her feet.

"Of course it is. Here." Roxanne pressed her fingers into the small of her back, eyes widening as she realised that Flannery was wearing a backless dress. Her face immediately turned in a shade that was nearly identical to the fancy ribbons in her hair.

Flannery straightened her spine in the same moment her insides knotted up, and it wasn't an unpleasant thing. "I guess tonight wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be," she hummed, and left it at that, because there was enough on both their minds already. Arm in arm, they returned to the ceremony with ten minutes to spare.

Panicked screams and frantic shouts for loved ones rang through the blazing heat in Lavaridge. She dashed around the streets, Numel by her side, searching for anyone who might need help. Then, Flannery saw her, rising above the people that were finding shelter from the intense heatwave, on the top of Nosepass.

"Roxanne?! What are you doing here? I said I'd be at the Pokemon League once I made sure everyone in Lavaridge was safe." Flannery had to raise her voice above the noise.

Roxanne dismounted gracefully, one hand on Nosepass as she surveyed the surroundings. The streets were busier than usual, with residents rushing to gather supplies and rations from the pokemart and the local provision stores. A lot of them were wearing hats and sunglasses in an attempt to shield themselves from Groudon's Drought.

"I thought you might need help," Roxanne replied, gathering and tucking loose strands of hair behind her ears. She was sweating, something she never allowed herself to do. How far had she and Nosepass travelled? Flannery felt her throat tighten with guilt. She grabbed Roxanne's hand and tugged her in the direction of the hot springs. "Let's get some water—for ourselves, and for anyone who we meet on the way there. Grandpa should've managed to collect some by now."

Flannery instructed whoever she bumped into to quickly go indoors and cool off. The Lavaridge Pokemon Center was now a first aid center for all those in the area who had heat stroke. She didn't want to have to send even more people there, including herself and Roxanne.

The chaos outside was a sharp contrast to the silence that greeted them in the house once Flannery closed the door behind her. Roxanne leaned against the kitchen counter and Flannery sat herself on the table opposite, trying to drink as much water as she could. Grandpa had gone off again, to help the other civilians, almost as if he'd never retired from being Gym Leader. Flannery trusted his pokemon to look after him, and it was only because of this that she allowed herself to focus her attention on Roxanne.

"You didn't need to come all the way out here!" Flannery snapped once she felt her body temperature lowering just a tad, a feat considering how the room was insufferably warm and stuffy. "What's gotten into you?" she asked, feeling like she'd switched places with the woman standing opposite her. The Roxanne she knew would have followed the rules set in place during a regional crisis: all active gym leaders were to assemble at the Pokemon League as soon as possible and be assigned duties to mitigate the crisis, whatever it was.

Roxanne, who'd finished off one bottle of water, took a second to catch her breath. "I couldn't go by myself, not without knowing you'd be there. It's crazy out there, Flannery. Everything's a mess now. There's nothing in the guidebook that can tell us what to do about this. I chose to follow my gut instead." The plastic squeaked in her grip as Roxanne looked at her with clear, uncompromising eyes. "It told me that I had to come to you first."

Perhaps it was the adrenaline, or the fact that the earth was burning, or that they were alone in her house—whatever it was, Flannery bridged the gap between them without pausing. She cupped Roxanne's cheeks between her hands, and when the brunette didn't pull away, leaned in to kiss Roxanne in one brave moment. Both their lips were dry and cracked, but that didn't stop Flannery from knowing instantly that this was the right thing to do.

Instead of saying anything remotely romantic, Roxanne broke the kiss to exclaim, gravely, “You shouldn't have done that!"

Flannery, still cradling Roxanne's face, puffed up her cheeks in response. “Why shouldn't I! I like you, Roxanne! And you like me too, don't you?"

"I..." Roxanne's mouth hung open, and her face grew redder.

Flannery felt strangely empowered, seeing Roxanne tongue-tied for once. "Why else would you be here, you dummy?" she laughed in spite of the situation, feeling the pent-up stress leave her body. "Sorry for getting side-tracked. Let's pack up and leave now. We can talk more after all this is over."

They tossed unopened water bottles into a bagpack and changed into fresh clothes as quickly as they could. Flannery knew that Roxanne would not accept loose jeans, and so she handed her a belt. "Do think think the world is going to end?" Roxanne asked as she wrangled her hair into a more efficient ponytail. Flannery knew that what she really meant to ask was, 'Why did you do that? Why at this very moment?'

"No. It won't." This was one of those times when the only way to get through was to believe in everyone's strength, and to charge forward without any doubts. If that was what she was good at, then she'd have to take the lead. "This just made me realise that I don't want any more regrets from now on," she said, adjusting the straps of her bag and taking Roxanne's hand as they prepared to leave the house. "And... it made me realise what kind of gym leader I want to be."

"What would that be?" Roxanne asked.

Flannery took a deep breath as she opened the front door. "The kind that doesn't run away, even when I'm scared."

She could see Roxanne crack a smile, even under the sun's blazing rays.

"That fits you perfectly."

---

end notes: this is one of those cases where i intended for it to be a 500 word fic and it exploded into a 2,500 word one and i got restless at the end! you can tell!

are roxanne and flannery the reason why numel knows magnitude and nosepass knows protect?? welp thats my headcanon now

lastly, if you want more flannery/roxanne content please check out my friend AQ's lovely fic over here!

#ok that's all the pkmn i have for now #up next will be bnha or hyouka stuff (hopefully)#the only reason i can write so much now is because it's the cny break~#flannery (pokemon)#roxanne (pokemon)#fandom: pokemon

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norihisahyuga-archived · 6 years

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“Are you sure that’s the decision you want to make?” Issa/Teshima

Teshima had been ready to lock up for the evening and go to bed when a knock at the door stilled him in his tracks, standing in the doorway between the living room and the kitchen. His parents had taken a mini vacation to get some romantic alone time with one another, leaving him with the house to himself and more peace and quiet than he knows what to do with most of the time. He still likes it, though, the chance to relax by himself.

Not always by himself, though. Aoyagi had been by to spend a few hours with him earlier today and he had been out for a good portion of the afternoon helping with training for Sohoku’s team. The Inter-High might still be months away but they have careful planning to do and the last thing Teshima wants to do is risk making foolish mistakes. This year, they cannot afford it.

His eyes glance toward the clock above the stove— twenty after eleven— and a second knock comes at the door, making him a little more nervous. Who would be here this late?

He peeks through the peephole that looks onto the front stoop and sighs in relief when he recognizes a familiar mop of flyaway orange hair, rolling his eyes as he unlocks the door and swings it wide open. “You have a lot of nerve showing up here so late, you know. It’s going to be midnight soon, Issa. What are you doing out here in the first place?”

“I wanted to talk to you about something.” Issa pushes his way into the house and Teshima shakes his head before he locks the door once more, not keen on leaving it unlocked and tempting anyone who might be in the mood to break and enter. “I know it’s ridiculously late but I didn’t think you’d be in bed yet. Which is bad, by the way, we have practice in the morning.”

Issa had never been over to Teshima’s house before, but to be fair he never made it much of a habit to invite everyone over into his own private space. He loves his team but he doesn’t know how many of them he would consider to be his friends, and home is where he comes to relax and decompress and then prepare for the day ahead, for the next ride, the next training schedule. Aoyagi has always been welcome here, and Ashikiba, but as for the others…

“You have a lot of nerve telling me to get to sleep when it’s going to take you time to get back home. Do your parents even know you’re out this late?” Teshima thinks he knows the answer to that one, but Issa surprises him, bouncing on the balls of his feet like an excited kid.

“They do, actually. I told them I was coming to see you and that I’d get home before it got too late. It’s a weekend, so they don’t mind.” Issa shrugs like it’s no big deal, like most parents would just be fine with their kid wandering the streets at night. “You have a nice house.”

Teshima opens his mouth to comment, shuts it and rethinks what he wants to say, and then just spreads his hands wide. “You can sit down wherever you want. Do you want something to drink? Actually just come with me to the kitchen, you can get your own drink.”

Issa doesn’t argue with him, which is a surprise, but follows Teshima into the kitchen and gets a soda from the refrigerator while Teshima sets the tea kettle on the stove to boil and flips through his various boxes of teabags. The others could make as many jokes as they want but he likes his tea; he has tea to help him fall asleep at night, tea to help ease the pain cramps cause, tea to enjoy on a chilly morning or a warm afternoon. Teshima has everything he needs right here.

He jumps a little when he feels Issa at his back, pausing, waiting for his kouhai to say something to him and sighing when Issa says nothing and only leans over him to see what he’s doing. Personal space has never been much of an issue for Teshima, not since he had come out and no longer felt like he had to hide parts of his body that would have given him away from those who might use it against him. He had the third years to protect him, and now he feels like he doesn’t need to be protected from anything or anyone. It might feel a little unusual to have Issa be the one almost pressed against his back like this, but not in a bad way.

“You really do like tea, huh?” Issa says it like it’s the most interesting thing in the world and Teshima smiles, just a little bit, at that. “That’s cool. I always thought it was just a joke.”

“It’s a joke because it’s true. One of these days I’ll arrange a proper tea time and share some of my favorites with the rest of you.” Teshima picks his tea, sets the bag out, and then shoos Issa away and toward the kitchen table to sit down. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

Issa drops down in a chair like he’s been here before and braces his elbows on the table, combing his fingers through his hair. “I already talked to Aoyagi about this, for the record.”

“Okay?” Teshima sits, not sure what that information is supposed to tell him.

Issa’s shoulders twitch in a shrug. “I just thought it would be better than just springing it on you.”

Teshima blinks at him a few times and wonders what would have been so important that Issa came here in the middle of the night to talk to him about it after talking to Aoyagi about it first. “Well, I guess that’s good? And considerate. You probably did the right thing talking to him first but if you don’t tell me what you came here to talk to me about, I won’t know.”

“Right, so.” Issa folds his hands on the table in front of him. “I’ve got the biggest crush on you.”

“You what?” Teshima asks slowly, not sure he heard right, not sure Issa could say something so… So big and important with such a calm and easy smile on his face, not when he came here in the middle of the night to talk about it. “I’m sorry, I’m very tired and I’m aware I might have misheard you just now, so if you want to repeat that so I can make sure I—”

Issa laughs and shakes his head, and his hand goes through his hair again. A nervous tic? Last Teshima had checked, that wasn’t what his nervous tic usually was. “I think you heard me if you need me to repeat myself and you’re talking like that. Yeah, I really like you.”

“Oh.” Teshima swallows hard. “So that’s why you thought you had to talk to Aoyagi first.”

“I mean, I didn’t talk to him first-first, if you know what I mean. The first person I had to talk to about it is Danchiku.” Issa says it all so casually, and Teshima wonders if he might have rehearsed this or something. “He likes you, you know, for taking care of me like you do.”

Teshima flushes at that and ducks his head. “That’s just what a good captain does!”

“You’re way better than just a good captain. You’re a good person at heart.” Issa thumps himself on the chest, then winces and rubs at the spot. “Actually, ow, that hurt a little bit.”

“Wait, when did you talk to Aoyagi about this?” He had just been here today, after all.

“A few days ago.” Issa looks particularly pleased with himself for that one. “He said that I should talk to you about it. So did Danchiku. We all get along really well, don’t we?”

The tea kettle whistles and Teshima moves, his body switching to automatic while his brain absolutely refuses to process any of the last two or three minutes of conversation. He and Issa had been getting along better recently, that much he had been able to notice, and he thought his relationship with Danchiku was excellent too because he and Issa got along so well. The four of them did get along well, he can admit that much, because it was built on mutual understanding and compassion and building each other up instead of just pulling each other down.

He returns to the table with a cup of tea, the china rattling in his trembling fingers. “Issa—”

“Obviously this is probably a lot for you to take in because I just kind of sprung it on you, but like, how do you even tell people things like this anyway?” Issa laughs, most likely at himself, and though he’s tense Teshima smiles a tiny bit at the familiar sound. “But I do really like you.”

“I mean, I… I heard that part, I understand what you’re saying, I do. I just… I have a boyfriend.” Has had a boyfriend for longer than he can really think about, he and Aoyagi a true force to be reckoned with all things considered. They can nearly read each other’s minds. “So do you, for that matter. You can’t tell me both of them were just okay about this.”

Issa grins at him. “I mean, like… They kind of were, though? I’m obviously not trying to steal you away from Aoyagi. I was just supposed to tell you so that all of us could talk about it.”

“Talk about wh— Oh.” Teshima runs his hands over his face; Aoyagi had told Issa to talk to him so the four of them could have a conversation about how well they all get along with each other, and if that doesn’t really just say it all, Teshima doesn’t know what will. “This is just, you know, it’s… Are you sure that’s the decision you want to make?”

“Yeah? Like, have you met you? You’re cute and funny and you’re one of the nicest people I know. It’s a gamble, I know. Numbers, there’s a lot to consider, but…” Issa steals his cup of tea and takes a sip from it, then yelps. “Oh, gross, that’s so bad, also it’s hot, my tongue hurts—”

“You can’t just say those things. Also give that back.” Teshima takes his mug back and sips his tea, trying to find some resolve, some strength in the warmth and the flavor. “I don’t know where you get all these ideas. I’m just… An ordinary person. I’m not special like the rest of you.”

“No.” Issa shakes his head firmly. “You aren’t an ordinary person. You could never be. Ever.”

Before Teshima can argue with him about that— and he does have an argument— Issa pushes himself out of his chair and just leans over the table like he’s done it before. Practice, Teshima thinks, he must have been planning— And then Issa kisses him and everything else goes away.

Teshima makes a small noise into the kiss but his eyes fall closed and he thinks it’s nice, the way Issa kisses, sure and warm. There’s a hand winding tight in his hair and he makes another noise at that, because it hurts just a little but not too much and he feels Issa grin into the kiss before he leans back, looking like he’s sparkling around the edges. It makes Teshima feel stupid and shy and he ducks his head, only Issa still has him by the hair, so he can’t exactly hide.

“So Danchiku and Aoyagi were thinking we could talk tomorrow afternoon,” Issa says, sitting back in his chair like nothing has happened. “I should probably go home and sleep if I want to be awake for that talk. And like… Just remember what I said. You aren’t ordinary.”

Teshima has told himself the opposite of that all of his life, but he thinks, just this once, it might be nice to think he might be special in his own way, too.

#orange/purple is a good ship imo #yowamushi pedal #yowapeda #junta teshima #issa kaburagi #halfpastmonsoon #asks

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mysticdragon3md3 · 4 years

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reactions to Demon Slayer KNY ep3-6

9:28 PM 8/24/2020 Demon Slayer Kimetsu no Yaiba ep3

I have this terrible habit of avoiding good anime, even if I've seen enough clips or episodes to know I enjoy it. Or maybe because of that. I'm always so afraid of how terrible I'll feel, when watching the anime makes me so distracted, that my entire day is unproductive. Adn then there's the emotional investment in great characters and archetypes I know I'll love. That's just too much emotional exhaustion when I'm already dealing with anxiety/depression almost daily. It's why I pretty much abandoned all other genres besides iyashikei and slice of life, for the past 2 decades.

I used to LOOOOOOOOOVE the "demon slayer" subgenre. Devil Hunter Yohko, Phantom Quest Corp, Devil May Cry, Claymore, Bleach, etc. I loved martial arts anime too. Even before I got into online artist communities/spaces, and heard their encouragement philosophies about improving skill and focusing on one's own progression vs comparison to other, etc., I had heard it all already from martial arts anime. And I really needed it. I needed the Fighting Spirit themes of teh "demon slayer" genre too. Back when i was forced into costantly, daily socializing, my anxiety/depression was under so much more pressure. I needed to emmerse myself into those "Fighting Spirit" and "martial arts anime" mentalities to survive. And I'll admit it was addictive. So addictive, that I subconsciously distained my older brother's lamentations about being too tired for all that spiritual Fighting anymore. But now I'm also tired. I'm glad I can understand him now and no longer feel negatively towards someone I care about. But man, I'm just so tired of all this spiritual Fighting required to live. I'm tired of this "being alive" thing, that I'm just not cut-out for. Maybe these days, watching the "demon slayer" and "martial arts anime" genres, just make me tired. I don't have the energy for those Fights anymore, even vicariously.

9:36 PM 8/24/2020 Even right now, I'm getting too distracted. I have to stop watching. ;___; 8:28/23:40

. . .

4:39 AM 8/27/2020 Going to continue Kimetsu no Yaiba ep3.

I'll say it again. I'm too suspicious now, when soem Shonen protagonist advocates "bearing things in silence". Maybe I used to buy into that, that now it's just toxic masculinity to me. I used to be AAAAAALLLLLLLLLL about bearing everything in silence and being all "manly" about it. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm female-presenting, then the people around me, my family, probably wouldn't have constantly chided me to express my feelings more. Meanwhile, my linebacker brothers was avidly collecting romance genre manga, proudly loved cute things, and saying "fuck you" to anyone who would make fun of him for what he liked. So compared to my repression, who was the Stronger "man"? There I was, constantly afraid---afraid of showing my feelings, of anyone seeing me cry, of complaining when I was in physical pain, of "causing trouble" by asking for any help, of even telling my orthodontist that the new mouthpiece was jamming into the roof of my mouth everyday until there was a wire-shaped indentation---I was constantly afraid of sharing my feelings, or even letting anyoen know I liked romance, cute things, and anything emotionally vulnerable. I, with all my repression, was the one constantly afraid and thus Weak. My brother, was the Stronger man for not caring about that "manly" image. Meanwhile, I was sooooooo obsessed with attainting that "manly" image. It was a really stupid Weakness. So please excuse me, but nowadays I'm suspicious of "masculine" stories/protagonists who advocate for emotional repression.

5:13 AM 8/27/2020 Well, Crunchyroll crashed again. Should I go for a 3rd try at finishing ep3? Naw, it's too distracting. But I guess I'm still eating breakfast...I could watch some more.

Well, at least this guy recognizes that Tanjiro is worrying about him. Though, he was likely sarcastic. ~.~; As always, Compassion (and recognizing it as the greatest Strength) is my favorite story theme.

More of this "being a real man talk" is kind of grating on me for some reason. I wonder if I stopped watching as much Shonen anime as I used to, because I've out-grown those "be a real man" themes. I thought I was just leaning more towards the iyashikei genre this decade, because of my depression and anxiety. But maybe I've also recognized all the mental health experts saying that emotional repression is bad. But I still admire many traits that media says is "a real man". I wish I could regain some of the Strength I had back when I was trying so hard to be "manly"...Without the probably-bipolar suicidal depression every couple weeks, of course. Though, if I was suicidal, back when I was spiritally Fighting all the time, while I was ALL-IN on being "manly", it's probaby a sign that that way of life wasn't exactly great either. Time for a new one. Maybe I have moved on from loving the Shonen genre. ...Still love Claymore though. And the "battle anime" subgenre. More of that please.

5:34 AM 8/27/2020 Well, I finally finished ep3, after all this time.

I really wonder why I don't like Demon Slayer more. I should be EAGER to binge this series, have already finished it, and preordered the Nendoroids by now. But I'm just not that compelled. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????????????????????????????? I really don't understand it. The protagonist is th earnest Compassionate type that I love. The art style and animation is beautiful. The story is the "demon hunter" and "battle anime" genres that I love. Why aren't I compelled to follow these characters more? What more do I need?

5:54 AM 8/27/2020 Well, I'm watching this series becasue some part of me still recognizes that I still love/need that Fighting Spirit of the Shonen genre. I may not want to return to that toxic masculine mindset that used to exaserbate my deprssion. But I don't want to watch ONLY iyashikei for the rest of my life. I may have outgrown binging nothing but Shonen anime, but the new path I need now should be a combination of the Shonen I use to watch and the iyashikei I watch now. That's why I'm still trying to watch more Demon Slayer Kimetsu no Yaiba.

. . .

5:40 PM 9/17/2020 Demon Slayer Kimetsu no Yaiba ep4

6:09 PM 9/17/2020 Well, that was good. REally felt something doing the battles. Which is exceptional because I was depressed most of yesterday and started this ep so apathetic. Being apathetic to stakes has been so common with me lately, that I've given up and just watched series with little to no stakes. Depression will do that. And anyway, that conflict-free iyashikei genre was soothing for my depression. But I knew I really needed to watch a Shonen series that could really touch me, get me motivated again. And KNY wasn't really compelling me to watch successive series. But after this episode's fight, I see what everyone had been glowing praise about for this series' sakuga fight scenes.

Anyway, I really liked how Tanjiro didn't run away from the big demon and instead prioritized saving that other examee. I also liked that he got angry for the dead student, still showing compassion for them, even though they were already dead.

Tanjiro's sense of smell and seeing the opening threads, and especially when he sensed the demon's arms coming to attack him from underground, really reminded me of Claymore. lol -----------------------------------------

. . .

6:14 PM 9/17/2020 ep5

I guess that big demon who got trapped by Urokodaki isn't dead yet if he's getting this flashback.

Aw, Tanjiro is showing compassion even to this demon. ;u; You know just the themes I like, KNY! ;u;!!! ...Wait. Am I gonna regret not buying all thos KNY Nendoroids?! ;O;!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Noooooooooooooooo!

His sense of smell is really becoming like an empathic power!

Is their rank getting engravee on their swords? Does that mean each time they change rank, their swords get re-engraved? Maybe rank changes don't happen often.

So are those girls just dolls?

I can't believe we're this far into the series of watching Tanjiro's sense of smell do amazing things, and he still doesn't know how to choose ore. It would be cool if it didn't matter which they chose, because the swordsman would give the sword teh appropriate power.

"Even my uniform is heavy". I know that feel. Then again, maybe it's one of those weighted clothes, like DBZ? lol

FAmily hugs. I guess Tanjiro and Nezuko are Urokodaki's kids now.

"Morphed Demon". That's the phrase.

Recovering by sleeping vs eating humans? Like I always said in college, when you can't eat, sleep; when you can't sleep, eat.

"Child of Brightness".

So are they saying the swords can kill demons because they absorb sunlight as ore?

Yeah, that's about right for 37. lol

I just realized I haven't watched a demon hunting series since Claymore. It's so weird to see a slayer get orders, without all the indifference to the villagers. lol

. . .

5:30 PM 9/19/2020 Demon Slayer Kimetsu no Yaiba ep6

Riiiiight...Black blade demon slayers dont' get far? No one knows much about them? We've consumed enough stories to know the characters with "unknown factors" are the ones with infinite potential to evolve and grow enormous power.

Nezuko is super cute, but it's so strange that she used to be a fully functioning person, and now she acts like a childish puppy. It's really tough to be a feminist but also love ingenues and cute regressive characters. x_x;

"Abducted"? Aren't they totally dead? If this story is setting up that the girls were kidnapped...What are the demons doing with them?

An uneven scent? Isn't that normal for intermittent killings happening over several days' time?

Like I've said, it's been a while since I've gotten into a demon hunting series, and the last one I was into was Claymore. But is this another series where they'll set up a character that turns out to be a demon disguised as a human or maybe even doesn't realize they're a demon? I hope Kazumi isn't a demon.

Only one type---No, one individual demon. Kibutsuji Mujan? Mibutsuji Muzan.

Oh, the demon is actually talking to Tanjiro.

Lose flavor? See? They're being eaten, not kidnapped. Though, that Muzan guy is probably kidnapping people.

Is that calmer of the demon trio played by NOBUTOSHI KANNA??????????????????????? *O*!!!!!!!!! <3

The montage merging the thoughs of Kazumi with Tanjiro's was a nice technique to show Tanjiro's sympathy.

Aw, man! The overlap of Nezuko's nostalgic perspecitve onto kazumi and this new girl is really effective! ;o;!!! Don't make me cry, KNY!

Aw, but it's not as effective to know she's protecting humans because Kurokodaki put a hypnosis suggestion on her! It's more heartfelt to know that she herself chooses to hold people dear and protect humans so that they don't suffer the way her and her family did! Then you'd know there's still something going on in her head, even though she's likely not going to speak for the rest of this series (until probably the end or a climax). Is Nezuko just going to be this blank, 2D, vessel for fighting, while distracting us from another underdeveloped female character, by being such a cute mascot that even I've falling for it????

#reactions #md3 watches demon slayer kimetsu no yaiba #md3watches

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whothefuckiscassandracain · 6 years

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Counter Summary 1: Cass Appearances 1-100!

Welcome to my first counter summary! We have now examined exactly 100 issues of Cass Cain material, so let’s see what we have learned about her so far and what that will mean for her Arkhamverse introduction, shall we?

For starters, here are the counters sorted from highest to lowest:

Living Emoji: 59

Aphasia: 58

Fast As Lightning: 37

Little Lady Of War: 29

Batmom: 25

Batdad: 21

Fiercely Assertive Protector: 17

Creepy Bat: 16

Better Off Dead: 13

Symbolism!: 10

Ghost Of Failures Past: 10

Plight Of Permanent Perfectionism: 10

Unusual mannerisms: 9

Made Of Steel: 7

Dubious Characterization: 6

Cass Sass: 6

Ballet Battler: 1

Spells ‘Team’ With An ‘I’: 1

I have to say, I am really glad that Cass was the winner of the “next Batkid” vote, because not only is she an interesting character, but also she is mostly consistent in her characterization. Six cases of dubious characterization in 100 issues is really not so bad (especially considering that two of those issues were written by Devin Grayson). Kudos to Cass’ writers for being mostly consistent.

Unsurprisingly, the most common and consistent thing about Cassandra is her aphasia and her tendency to overcompensate for that by using her entire body language to “vocalize” her thoughts and feelings. It makes sense, since she was raised without vocal language, and even though she had her brain re-wired early on to actually understand words, I am grateful that it was not treated as a magical instant fix. It certainly made for an interesting character to read in comic form and it will make for one hell of a challenge trying to write her in prose! The No Man’s Land novel took the easy way out in that regard, but it will be a fun challenge to write someone who has no idea what any words anybody says mean. What is surprising is that her tendency to use unusual gestures to express herself pretty much dropped off after No Man’s Land, so perhaps that was just early writing weirdness.

Secondly, Cassandra has been consistently characterized as extremely fast (she can dodge bullets) and a master of combat. I do feel sorry that her “depowering” arc didn’t last longer, but at least they were smart about demonstrating that the ability to read body language mostly affects her defensive maneuvers. She does not need to read someone in order to be perfect in every martial arts form on the planet. Likewise, I loved that Cass was shown as having trouble against robotic or metahuman opponents, even though she has also managed to take hits that should really have killed her, or at the very least incapacitate her for weeks. Mostly, though, I will enjoy writing her kicking the butts of everyone in the batfam at some point, even if only in training.

Among some other character traits that have been consistent throughout her appearances so far, if less frequent than the big four, we can count Cass’ tendency to prioritize offense over defense, especially when protecting someone, coupled with an insane drive to be absolutely perfect. Both make sense, given that she was trained to be a master assassin, and means she’ll fit right in with all the hotheaded batboys of the Arkhamverse. Also, her tendency to snark at her opponents, once she has actually developed the verbal skills to do so. Definitely going to fit in well with the rest of the Arkham Batfam. :)

As for things that have changed in her characterization over time, it is great to see that Cass eventually lost her death wish, even though she still has a tendency to blame herself a lot for every single failure to save someone. I’m looking forward to seeing if this tendency will eventually wither away. Likewise, we’ll see if there’ll be more instances of her insistence to do the job herself causing trouble, or the undoubtedly cute, but so far singular, occurrence of Cass expressing herself in dance.

That leaves us with Cass’ relationships inside and outside of the Batfam, as demonstrated so far.

Throughout her appearances up until this point, there has been an interesting comparison mechanic between Cass’ real parents (spoilers about the identity of her mother ahead, if you don’t know Cass’ later storylines) and her new, “adopted” parents.

On one hand, we have Cass’ fathers: David Cain and Batman. Both have a tendency of looking at her more as a living weapon than a human being, at times. Cain raised her to be an assassin and has not seemed to realize how much he actually cared about her until he “lost” her. His response to those newly found feelings has been consistently self-destructive and it is clear in his interactions with Cassandra that she still loves him, but is unable to actually be close to him due to their irreconcilable ideological differences. Whoever had the idea of using a single crimson rose to underscore that visually was a genius, because a single crimson rose stands both for deep, unconditional love, and deep sorrow and grief. Bruce is surprisingly similar to Cain in so far as he too has trouble actually showing Cass how much he cares about her, but is fiercely protective of her. Cass, for her part, admires Batman and is grateful to him, but does not seem to look at him as new father figure yet. That’s what you get for taking on a kid who’s not an orphan yet, Bruce. This time you gotta earn your parenting cred.

On the other hand, we have Cass’ mothers: Lady Shiva and Barbara, and whereas Cass’ fathers are quite similar in how they treat her, her mothers could not be more different. Cass does not know that Shiva is her mom, and I’m not even sure if Shiva knows that Cass is her daughter. I believe she suspects it, given her dialogue during their first encounter, but I’m not sure. Either way, Shiva has not been a part of Cass’ life for seventeen years and while she has been courteous and even helpful towards Cass, she has not demonstrated any interest in getting to know “Cass the girl”, only “Cass the martial artist”. I do hope the pearls symbolism is going to come up later, because it does fit their dynamic rather well. Meanwhile, Barbara has no such troubles. She knew Cass before she became Batgirl and learned to care about the girl, not the fighter, and Cass appreciates it, even going so far as to almost tell Barb that she was like a mother to her. That is not to say that Barbara is perfect. She projects A LOT, constantly assuming that her motivations for and attitudes towards the Batgirl title are Cass’ as well and that she knows what’s best for Cass. She makes some good points, but it is a good thing that Bruce is there as a counterpart, because otherwise I’m afraid she might just smother Cass.

Last but not least, we have Cass’ relationships outside her parental figures and it is here where things get really interesting. A common theme in Cass’ interactions is that people are thoroughly creeped out by her, but eventually come to appreciate her for the kind, loyal, and fiercely protective person she really is. Tim takes the direct route and flat-out apologizes to her for his initial attitude, then offers her to be friends. Steph... never really gets over Cass’ creepiness, but is smart enough to connect with her in ways that are mutually beneficial for both of them (Steph gets some training, Cass gets some fun and socialization). And Nightwing... well, Dick broke my heart with just how quickly he accepted her and genuinely cared for Cass, despite having all of maybe two or three interactions with her. It seems like a repeating pattern for his comics character (caring deeply about his family, but not really having that much time to spend with them) and I look forward to writing a more involved version of him in Cass’ Arkhamverse stories.

Outside of the batfam, we have seen three notable interactions so far: Azrael, who had a crush on Cass that did not end happily, Superboy, who also seemed to have had a crush on Cass that was sort of left unresolved, and Leslie Thompkins, whom Cass greatly admired for her inner strength and her unbelievable compassion. I have to admit I won’t be sad if I never see Superboy or Azrael interact with her again, since I couldn’t bring myself to care about either of those two, but I do hope we get to see Leslie and Cass interact again in the future. If there is any way I can include her in Cass’ introduction into Arkhamverse (I don’t want it to be a mere re-hash of No Man’s Land), I will do so.

Last but not least, I’m kind of sad that we haven’t really seen her interact with Alfred all that much yet. I’m gonna have to fix that.

#Cassandra Cain #counter summary

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tsgcolumbus · 4 years

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Happy Mother’s Day

“Mothers hold their children’s hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.” —Unknown

Mothers deserve to be celebrated every single day and showered with love always. We are so grateful for all of the mothers that make Columbus and TSG all that it is. We asked some of our members to share their favorite things about their mothers & about being a mothers themselves - and we are absolutely loving their sweet answers!

Autumn Pochiro with Autumn Dawn Inspired Design

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“What I love and admire most about my sweet mom is she's always smiling even when the world around her looks bleak.”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:

“Everyone deserves a second chance. That's what love is a chance.”

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:

“Being a mom is the greatest gift. The love of my daughters makes my world whole yet makes me question every decision. The job of being their moral and spiritual compass until they know their own heart makes me want to be a better person daily.”

The thing I love most about being a mother:

“Quality time spent with my girls I am always amazed at the way they love, dream, and play. Even as teens, they have this beautiful view of humanity. Grateful, to have their unconditional love.”

Jennifer Heck with Dr Robert Heck-Columbus Aesthetic and Plastic Surgery

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“My mother had the patience to do it all. She was a full time middle school teacher while raising 5 kids and we always felt well cared for. She had to have been pulled in so many directions but yet all us children never wanted for anything. Probably the most admirable attribute about my mom however is her ethics and kindness, she truly always does the right thing and is caring to all she meets!”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:

“The greatest advice my mom gave to me was to give myself a break. I often want to succeed at multiple things at once and am hard on myself if i don't believe I'm achieving a certain level of success. I have learned that I can't be the best at home, work, my work outs, taking care of the kids and my husband all at once, I need to forgive myself for having balance and accepting my definition of "best" doesn't mean I'm still not succeeding.”

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:

“The biggest lesson I have learned about myself becoming a mother is realizing that I need to be flexible. Just because I want things, behaviors, goals for the kids to be a certain way doesn't mean it's the only path it will take.”

The thing I love most about being a mother:

“The thing I love most about being a mother now that my kids are 17 and 19 are the simple things like family dinner, knowing they are asleep in their rooms at night, or making them breakfast in the morning. The transition from infant to teen goes so fast, I've enjoyed it all but what also brings me joy now is seeing them be independent and thinking through things themselves to better prepare for adulthood!”

Erica Fullen with The Wild Sage Collective

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“Her creativity. My mom has an amazing eye for design and can make any space look beautiful.”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:

“Being one of 3 daughters and having 3 daughters myself, my mother has always told me to choose my battles. Do you want to be right or do you want peace is a question I often ask myself when I find myself on the verge of a "battle" with my daughters.”

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:

“I have learned what it feels like to have my heart on the outside of my body.”

The thing I love most about being a mother:

“Being a mother constantly challenges and motivates me to show up as the best version of myself.”

Fiona Miller with Fiona Miller Art

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“My mum is a natural giver: she is always ready to love on and serve others!”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:

“This advice has come more through example than words, but she has taught me the value of hard work and determination. So much can be accomplished by just tackling one thing and then the next.”

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:

“I am not a very patient person!!! (I'm still learning this one.....)”

The thing I love most about being a mother:

“It has taught me so much about my faith: the depth to which I love my children simply because they are mine, helps me understand how much I am loved by God.”

Francesca Festa with Dragonfly Counseling and Wellness

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“Self-care. I have seen my mother take care of her body and her mind with consistency and balance through her whole life with yoga, massages, an healthy diet and her personal skin care routine. I always admired it and I witnessed the benefits. I came to appreciate her lifestyle even more when I became a working mom and following in her footsteps helped me gain balance and maintain sanity. And of course, her teaching had a great impact on my job as a wellness counselor!”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:

“My mother had to work full time when I was growing up and I remember her job was not always the best fit for her. However, she dutifully went to work everyday until she retired, without ever complaining. She taught me a sense of responsibility and commitment. At the same time, she always encouraged me (and in fact made it possible for me) to follow my passions.”

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:

“Becoming a mother taught me the importance of slowing down and learning to be present. I am practicing being mindful and offering my children undivided attention for a certain period of time. Although it can be really challenging, I intentionally take some time every day to turn off my phone and just be with my kids without distractions. I do it both for them and for myself.”

The thing I love most about being a mother:

“Spending time with my kids I rediscovered the joy of playing. I love sitting on the floor with them or getting messy with art projects. Playing with them allows me to connect and teach them new skills to help them grow. At the same time, playing gives me an opportunity to be creative, relieve stress, and be in the moment.”

Abigail Fredelake with The Scout Guide

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“Her energy, love for life, and how everyone she meets becomes a friend.”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:

“Life is short, so live it to the fullest and don't take things too seriously.”

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:

“The amount of love I could have for my son.”

The thing I love most about being a mother:

“The smile he gives me when I walk into a room is the absolute best.”

Paxton Hood with The Scout Guide

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“Her strength, resilience, and grace through the difficult times will never not amaze me. She is patient and calm through all things and loves with her whole heart. I can only hope when I am a mother someday that my children feel as loved and supported as I do every day from my mother.”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:

“Control what you can and don’t dwell on things you cannot - I can get a bit dragged down by my desire to control things and discouraged when I cannot. She always reminds me that it is okay to let things go a little, breathe, and give myself a bit of a break. It is okay to not have it all together – learning that more than ever with this pandemic!”

Mara Ackermann with Ackermann & Associates

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“Her independence, she always has been self-sufficient and has relied only on herself.”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:

“Expectations are resentments waiting to happen”

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:

“My daughters watch everything I do- my actions need to have accountability and character”

The thing I love most about being a mother:

“Seeing the world through the eyes of my children who have no judgement and everything is new and exciting.”

Allison Leonard with Kismet Visuals

The thing I admire most about my mother:

“Is how she has always 1000% provided for our family, not financially necessarily but she shows her love so well in all the other ways. I wish I was half as good as her in the kitchen too”

The greatest advice my mother has given me:

“Be the bigger person AND if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.”

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:

“That nothing hurts more than seeing your children hurting and although I would do anything to take away their pain I also know part of life is pain and letting them grow and learn from that pain is important.”

The thing I love most about being a mother:

“The hugs and kisses and the way they truly love me unconditionally.”

Jenn Teitt with Bellepoint Company

The biggest lesson I have learned about myself since becoming a mother:

“Being a mother has taught me every day about God's love for me. In the same ways I care for, nurture, protect, and guide Charlie, I know God cares for, nurtures, protects, and guides me.“

The thing I love most about being a mother:

“Waking up every morning is kind of like Christmas. I'm excited to see his bright smile, hear his sweet voice, and feel those little arms wrap around my neck. Every day is ten times better because of Charlie.”

#mothersday #tsgcolumbus #stayconnected

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funsizedkola · 7 years

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Beyond The Surface

A/N: So this was meant to be a thank you gift for @vividlylost for this lovely art she did of my SOUL, but as usual my writing... took the longer scenic route. And since this is very much a Self Insert oneshot (starring ME!!!) there is first person POV, so be warned. Also it takes place in the Underswap universe because why not, I have a soft spot for that AU~! And it involves a headcanon or two I have considering a certain skeleton. ^_^

I felt jealous for the monsters. Living conditions pre-imprisonment aside, it was easy to see how they’re magical beings of Hope, Love, and Compassion. They get to be in tune with their magic, their soul, what with how it literally is what their bodies are made of. They’re not perfect, but they can see the entirety of themselves and what their capable of.

Something that I wish I had way before I fell Underground.

It was... weird, seeing my soul. Unlike Chara’s (which had a hue of pure red that mirrored their eyes and sarcastic yet strong spirit), mine was an unusual mix of dulled yellow and faded blue. It didn’t look that impressive, yet it felt like it was me. Like an imaginary friend of mine had come back to life, albeit lacking some of the life I would conduct through them.

It didn’t initially do wonders for my self-esteem, especially with the strange looks I would get from the monsters that I had encounters with (and the look that Undyne gave it like it was a discovery that had to be analyzed and maybe fiddled with) and how Chara would protect it like it would easily fizzle away against the bullets aimed my way. But I would somehow still feel assured at looking at that cartoon heart that gave me nostalgic feelings of when I was a spunky kid that was firm in what was right or wrong before life took its toll on me. And that was what helped me keep up with my smaller companion as we headed towards the Queen and the barrier that she had sworn to demolish.

I made some amazing friends. I solved puzzles with anticipation. Sometimes gave puns with a nervous yet cheeky grin. I would give MERCY. But I also stood my ground. I challenged monsters to think of another way aside from adding more bloodshed that already darkened their history. I still cried at times at how much burden us two unexpected humans were given. But I also was protective of Chara and was driven to free monsterkind from their unfair fate.

With each FIGHT we spared and each obstacle we survived by teamwork and extending a hand of friendship, the colors of my soul became more defined, more prominent. The yellow light brightened like an awakening sun while moving in tangent with the wisps of royal blue, a combination that reminded me of the sky that I promised myself that everyone will get to see. And when we all were gifted the view of a world that felt more open to possibilities like never before, it was as if the sunlight was giving the last rays of rejuvenation to brighten my soul despite not having it beckoned from the pull of one’s magic.

Never before had I felt such happiness with myself.

I’ve yet to learn how to beckon it out with my own capability, but someday I will. Soon... Hopefully...

Of course, rain clouds arrived here and their. Humanity has yet to understand monster like Chara and I have, and who knows how long it will take. But with every opportunity I would take to have another glance at my soul, whether by letting Undyne and Papyrus give it a scan with their machines or reluctantly accepting a training session with Alphys and Sans, I would feel myself stand on steadier ground as the magical light emitting from my essence brightened my day once again.

“I’m gonna die.”

“OF COURSE NOT!”

“Tell Chara to stay in school. Continue punning in my honor. And don’t let Papyrus eat my stash of sweets.”

“I WON’T NEED TO!”

“ Least I find a way to haunt him from my grave. And extract much needed revenge on him. Y’know what, my demise won’t be so bad after.”

“HUMAN.”

“Still haven’t paid him back for putting frozen spaghetti in my sock drawer the last time he got drunk. Oh, just you wait Paps. My ghost shall strike vengeance for those tomato stains that ruined my-”

My name was called, breaking me from my ramblings induced by fatigue and thirst for cool water. A cyan flush decorated Sans’ cheekbones as he looked down at me from where I flopped on the ground.

Oh, right, socks are a subject that’s not meant to be casual with monsters. Whoops.

Coughing in his fist in awkwardness, he still maintained eye contact as he then outstretched his hand to help me up.

“PERHAPS INSTEAD YOU CAN PLAN REVENGE AFTER SOME FOOD?”

Okay. So maybe I can put aside moving onto the next world for now.

“Tacos?” I asked hopefully.

Mirth was in his eyelights as he helped me up, giving a wink. “BUT OF COURSE.”

A simple yet eager fistpump was made as I followed him to the picnic table. Today’s training was just composed of Sans and I, what with Chara being occupied with homework and Alphys absent in favor of another date with Undyne. Which I was fine with, considering how I prefer dodging bone attacks over magical axes. Yikes.

I let my head rest on my arms as I listened to Sans use his phone to use his dimensional box. By the time I decided to prop my chin against my hand, a plate of fresh tacos and a bottle of water were pushed in my direction. Grinning, I mouthed a quick ‘Thank You~’ before indulging in the slightly greasy food. Despite what people may assume about Sans, he did have a guilty pleasure of enjoying some unhealthy foods. He just likes to disguise it by pretending he cooks it for the sake of others. Oh but you’ve learned to see past that white lie. Not like he has a risk gaining weight, what with his regular workouts and lack of human-like mass outside of a skeletal frame.

“IS THERE SOMETHING ON MY FACE...?”

Well, looks like I’ve awkwardly zoned out again. An attempt to speak was halted as I first decided to swallow my portion before waving a hand dismissively.

“Nah, just envying the lack of carbs you’ll gain. I mean, these tacos technically don’t have that as well, what with magical and all but... y’know?”

Thanks severely unathletic bod. For making my chatter harder to reign in. Sans didn’t seem bothered with it as he had an assuring yet bright look on his surprisingly expressive skull.

“HUMAN. BELIEVE ME. I THINK YOUR ONE WORTHY TO BE ENVIED AS WELL.”

Oh gosh. He’s just too good to be real. Looks like I’ll once again be envying Paps with being able to live with this guys. Letting out a laugh as I shook my head, I looked down at my taco and pretended I was just flushing from exhaustion.

“I’M SERIOUS!”

“‘Kay, if you insist.”

The feeling of his shinning eyelights still focused on me had me fidget in my seat before deciding to answer.

“Well... I guess I’m not too shabby.”

A proud “MWEH” was made as another victory was made by the Magnificent Sans. Continuing to eat in peace, I chewed silently before taking a swig of water and pausing.

“I...”

Seeing Sans look back up at me, I hesitated before taking a small breath and continuing.

“I probably wouldn’t have agreed with you, if you said that to me when we first met.”

Brows were raised as his next bite was halted before he set it down and tiled his head a bit in curiosity. Well, might as well go through with this. I refrained from biting my lip and looked back down at my plate instead.

“You saw the state my soul used to be. It was a pretty accurate show of how I viewed myself. It was... hard. Seeing myself as someone who... mattered. Meant something. And could back that up.”

He wasn’t responding. And that was fine. I just... needed to say this, for some reason.

“I’ve had a good life before, but somehow I manage to work up a storm of insecurity. Some days going a bit too far than needed. I just... had difficulty believing that I was good, that I deserved what I had. Because I never found much evidence proving that.”

A hand ran through my sweaty hair that I forgot to push back with a headband as I tapped a finger on the table.

“Then I... saw my soul. It looked abnormal, sure, but seeing it turn into something so wonderful that... that was still me. It was like everything I wanted and more. Eheh... that’s mostly why I’m willingly to train every week. All that physical and emotional exertion is worth it to see my entire being again.”

The only sound was the background noise of birds chirping and distant barks of a dog being walked on the other side of the park. The lack of response was starting to get to me as I wondered if maybe I was being too honest with myself.

A small nervous laugh was made across from the table.

“I... have a confession to make.”

Looking back at the surprisingly shy look on his face as he rubbed the back of his skull, his lowered yet hesitant tone showing a more vulnerable side that I don’t think I’ve yet to personally see.

“I’m the one that’s jealous of you.”

What.

Another nervous laugh emitted from his slightly dimmed smile before his sockets showed a matching expression of unease.

“I can understand what it’s like to not feel all that confident in yourself. Since I may always feel like that.”

Concern was pushing aside my awkward worries as I sat up straighter.

“My stats are not... that impressive. Especially considering my HP.”

That was true. Back during the first fight Chara and I had against Sans, we were pretty surprised at how little strength he actually had.

HP 10/1

The only advantage he could have with his stats was having a nap to give it a little boost that only match with half of one of ours. Combined with how he could only deal 1 point of damage at a time, we thought that we’d just have to worry with not accidentally dusting him. But he proved us wrong and we ended up waking up in the shed with killer headaches.

“And... it’s always been like that.”

Seeing how he also decided to aim dulled eyelights at his food instead of my gaze, I was taken aback at how small his voice sounded.

“I am ashamed to admit, but... I envied you. But not in an entirely good way. Seeing how you were able to change while I could not, despite trying for so long. You... You make it look so easy.”

The glimmer of bioluminescent tears starting to well at the corner of his sockets kept me stunned.

“i’m sorry.”

Oh Sans...

“i guess the truth is that i really am not that m-”

SLAM

Getting up from my seat, my hands stinged a bit from how hard I hit the table as I then made my way around to his side. He said my name in worry, but whether it was for himself or for me didn’t matter as I then plopped down next to him and pulled him into my arms. His frame jerked but hardly jostled me as I held onto him some more, propping my chin on his shoulder.

“Never. Ever. Say that about yourself,” I said with as much conviction as I could muster. “Don’t you dare. Because that’s not the truth. Far from it.”

Closing my eyes as I felt tears of my own threatening to spill, I drew in a shaky breath before continuing.

“You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met. If there ever was a monster who defined those traits that embodied your souls, it would be you.”

The sounds of his bones rattling a bit under his uniform had me pause before verbally charging onwards.

“I don’t care what your stats are. And I definitely don’t think it’s fair to compare yourself to me. Because you are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You’re a great older brother Papyrus, you rightfully earned your position in the royal guard, you’ve helped Chara open up in ways that I couldn’t, a-and you are one of the b-best friends I could ever asked for.”

With how emotionally sensitive I am, it was no surprise that I was turning into a bit of a mess alongside Sans as he began holding me as well, tears of salt and magic starting to fall and dampen each other’s shoulders. We took a moment together to just let ourselves be more honest than usual with each other, having no care of what’s going on outside of this unexpected yet undoubtedly crucial stepping stone between us.

How much time that passed was unsure, but it felt like time well spent as our grip on each other eventually softened into a comfortable hold.

Pulling away a bit, he took a deep breath as he wiped away at his sockets, an action mirrored by me as I gave a wry smile.

“So...”

“... So...”

“That was a thing.”

Flushing in embarrassment, Sans looked away for a moment before a look of conviction set in his face and he looked back at me.

“But a good thing.”

Feeling my grin widened as I shrugged, I felt another tingle that seemed to be deep within my soul as if my inner light grew just a little bit brighter.

“I guess so.”

I then had to resist the urge to wince at suddenly brightened eyelights morphed into stars.

“AND SOUL ESSENTIAL TOO!”

...

“That’s it, noogie time!”

“MWEH?!”

“Oh, don’t expect to escape punishment for ruining the- HEY THAT’S CHEATING!”

“MWEH-HEH-HEH-HEH, SEE THAT I DO JUST DO THAT!”

Okay. So getting back at a teleporting skeleton may be harder than pranking his brother. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t try.

... Until I decide to just go back to eating again.

#my writing #Undertale #Underswap #Underswap Sans #vividlylost #Self Insert #Which is ME~!#Oh gosh this is so self indulgent ^^"#Nooo these are not tears it's just sweat of exhaustion what are you talking about?

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shsl-shipper-gamer-fangirl · 7 years

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A/N It's a bit longer this time since I'm trying to cram a summary of a what if game. I tried to mix up the murders and survivors a bit for a change. Feel free to adopt this and turn it into a full fledged fic (with credit), if you would please. Or if this inspires you to write something, let me know and I'll read it!

Read the prequel: All Hope Lost

New World Program version 78th class - 78th despair enters NWP

When she came to, she was inside a classroom filled with other students.

She didn't even have time to make sense of it all when the room virtually collapsed and they found themselves on the beach. At the edges of the smooth flat floor was sand that was coarse and shifted under their footsteps. As bizarre as it was to have been transported to an island, it didn't quite top the fact that their teacher was a pink bunny mascot who talked like a child.

She didn't know which was more ridiculous. The teacher's spiel about hope or the fact that she was missing her memories.

"I'm Mukuro Ikusaba. SHSL Soldier." The person beside her politely introduced herself first. She paused as if waiting for a reply.

A panic registered in her chest as her heart thumped wildly in its ribcage. Her mouth opened but no words spilled. There was a blank space where one shouldn't be. She didn't know what to answer at first until she registered the weight fitted in her hands. A notebook that she'd been holding on for a while now but only took notice of right now. She opened it and read the first page as if the foreign information was about her. "Ryouko Otonashi... I'm the SHSL (???)?" She answered hesitantly.

"Are you asking me?" Mukuro asked incredulously.

Ryouko almost flinched at the sharpness of her gaze. "I don't remember..." She visibly slumped as she looked down, her eyes were shut as she tried to focus with all her desperation. Her hands shot to her head, squeezing it with surprising strength as if it would force the memories out. Nothing. Her head was practically throbbing from the pain of thinking too much but without any memories to push out, her brain felt like it was bleeding and she's pretty sure that wasn't a good sign. Then again, having amnesia was never a good sign.

"Hey, are you okay?" A concerned voice called out. It was someone else's voice and the gentleness in it caused her head to snap up and stare into worried eyes. "You look like you were having an episode or something. Is something wrong? Do you feel sick?"

She blinked warily and upon looking elsewhere, she noted the curious glances of their classmates. She steadied herself and forced her chattering teeth to clench shut. "Yeah... m'fine. Just a bit dizzy." She finally said through gritted teeth.

He let out a relieved breath. "That's good. You probably just need to rest for a few minutes. I know everyone's a bit confused over what's happening, myself included, so it's okay to take a breather." He said with an understanding smile. "I'm Makoto Naegi by the way. I guess I'm the SHSL Luckster. I'm not that sure either." He said it with a laugh.

Something about the way he said it struck her. "You're not sure? Could it be that you... don't remember either?" She asked almost hopefully.

He blinked slowly, confused at first, and then replied with a tone that danced, light and yet at the same time it carried weight that was heavy enough but not exactly dragging. "Oh no, not like that. It's more of my personality. I'm just not sure about a lot of things especially things about myself but I'm learning. I guess it just kind of comes up when I talk." He paused and then continued somberly, "I'm sorry that my phrasing confused you and... sorry to hear that you don't remember."

Before she could even respond to that, another person joined in their conversation. "Amnesia, huh?" She turned to the source and saw a girl with purple hair who was flipping through the notebook. Ryouko's eyes went to her now empty hands. Since when did she get a hold of it? As soon as she noticed its absence, it was rightfully back. "Interesting..." She said as she handed back the notebook after perusal.

"And who are you supposed to be?" Ryouko huffed. She's still not sure whether or not the notebook was hers in the first place but that didn't mean that she was okay with strangers looking into it. In fact, she was almost seething in anger at the blatant breach of privacy.

The girl on the other hand was calm. If she noticed Ryouko's hostile demeanor then she paid it no mind. "Kyouko Kirigiri. SHSL Detective."

Ryouko knew that Kyouko would probably be the best person to ask for help in solving the mystery of her missing memories but right now she didn't want anything to do with the snoop.

"Sorry about your... amnesia thing. I didn't know and I think I was insensitive." Mukuro apologized and it's only then that Ryouko remembered about her presence.

"Oh, it's okay! I mean it's obviously not. Me, I mean. But what else can I do?" Ryouko mumbled incoherently. It was odd how her lips moved so fast despite not having much to say and so her words came out as a mess.

"It's too early to think like that! I'm sure it'll come back to you at some point and we're here to help you in any way we can." Makoto spurred her on encouragingly.

"That's awfully optimistic of you to believe in." She replied a bit skeptically.

"Well optimism is my one redeeming quality, I think." He said with a smile that never faltered. "We'll figure things out together. Let's not lose hope!"

Ironically enough, Ryouko vaguely remembers the feeling of despair.

---

Despair. That's the foreboding feeling that weaved all throughout the class.

An impromptu island field trip was one thing, a bunny mascot as the teacher was another, but a mutual killing? That was an entirely different level and quickly overshadowed everything in a malevolent sense. Whatever friendly atmosphere they had built in the first hour was harshly crushed by the suffocating miasma of despair.

Monokuma. She thought she knew the name of the sinister bear before he even announced it. His laughter echoed inside the walls of her head before it even escaped its sinister smile. He was familiar. Despair was familiar. Something about this screamed familiar to her and there was a foreboding sense to everything.

"Upupu! Welcome to the island trip of mutual killing! A rehash of the original because everyone loves beach OVAs!" Monokuma roared in laughter. Ryouko couldn't even suppress the chill that she got from that weird laugh. It irked her and yet it also beckoned her. But ultimately, she knew that he was dangerous. "If you want to leave this island then all you gotta do is do in somebody. Kill and not be caught or else you'd get executed and all that jazz. I'm sure you already know this so let's just skip tutorial."

"Uwawa! No killing! Usami will stop you!" Their so called teacher launched at him.

"Yeah, not gonna happen. This isn't island mode, sistah." Monokuma chortled and easily took down his assailant. He even gave her a total makeover for good laughs. "Now be a good baby and behave, Monomi. Big bro's talking with the soon to be murdering kids." Usami- now Monomi, couldn't even argue since her mouth was taped shut as she dangled over them tied up in rope.

"No one will be murdering anyone!" Makoto strongly objected when everyone else refused to speak out loud. "We're not going to kill each other just because you told us to! We're all friends here and friends don't just kill friends!"

"Oyaoya?" Monokuma tilted his head to one side as if curious. "That's some disgustingly positive words you got there. You should be a speechwriter or something just as pathetic." He mocked him and the redness in his one eye shone malevolent. "But do you really think that everyone here is as naive as you?" With a menacing grin, he added, "Besides, what can you do? You can't do anything on your own."

Makoto visibly flinched at his words but he didn't back down. He stood his ground and pushed forward. "I believe in them. I believe in us. I trust that we'll overcome your despair and hold on to hope instead."

His faith was clearly misplaced since there was already a murder the day after the motive was handed out.

The most shocking part was that the culprit had an entirely separate motive than the one Monokuma gave them. It was a crime of passion and it was her most passionate murder yet judging by the bloodbath of evidence. Genocider Syo was on the loose and Byakuya was right within her MO. The trial felt so wrong not only because they were basically condemning someone to their death, but also because Touko was an innocent bystander dragged into this. Just because they were separate personalities didn't change the fact that they shared a body. Syo was the one who killed and not Touko but both of them died together during the execution.

The next murder happened three days after the motive was given. Most of them thought that money wasn't enough reason to kill someone but Yasuhiro thought otherwise. He wasn't planning on killing anyone at first but then he divined that he'd pull it off successfully and he trusted his fortunes despite being correct only a third of the time. He chose Leon only because the fortunes told him that red was his lucky color. Unfortunately for him, this was one of his missed fortunes and he begged for forgiveness all throughout his execution.

Perhaps the most unexpected of them all was that caused by the Despair Fever. Kiyotaka had been the unfortunate soul to be inflicted with the remembering symptom without anyone noticing the change in his demeanor. He just wasn't the same person anymore. He kept going on and on about how despair was the ultimate compass and how he was leading justly. He admitted to killing the ever trusting Mondo who walked in when he had just finished slaughtering the easy target Hifumi. It was disturbing to see him so at peace over what he had done. He was the only person who looked like he was enjoying his execution.

The fourth murder wasn't supposed to be one at all. They were trapped in the strawberry house and they were starving. They would have all starved to death if nobody killed. Sakura was going to quietly sacrifice herself so that the rest of them could live. However, when Aoi found out, she raced to kill herself first. She even had her suicide note written hurriedly. In her final breaths, Sayaka had accidentally walked in on her. Instead of helping Aoi, she saw this as an opportunity and delivered the final blow. She almost got away with the murder if it weren't for Kyouko pointing out inconsistencies in her testimonies. She struggled but ultimately lost her life at her execution.

The final murder case seemed like the longest one not just because of the trial itself but also because of the high strung tension before it.

"Shall we make a gamble?" Celes played her best smile. "I bet that I can weed out the traitor."

"And then what? Kill him?" Mukuro eyed her warily, judging her every movement.

"There's no need for you to go to such extremes." Sakura intervened with a calm voice in an effort to diffuse the incoming fight. "What good would finding out the traitor's identity do us? Our priority should be preventing any more killings."

"I'm inclined to agree with Sakura." Makoto swallowed thickly. "We just got over that last one. I think we should rest and clear our heads first before jumping into decisions."

That sounded reasonable enough and yet- "But what if the traitor's planning something behind our backs?" Kyouko didn't even falter when all eyes fell on her. In fact if anything, she narrowed her eyes at Celes. "You're not the volunteering type. Finding the traitor's identity seems like an out of character move from you. What's your angle?"

The accusation only made Celes smile wider. "Oh, is that worry I hear in your voice? I'm flattered over your concern." She giggled when she saw Kyouko's lips form a thin line. "Relax, I'm just exercising my talent. It has been a while since my last use of it."

Kyouko did not have the patience today not when she knew that the gambler was planning something. She had to back her to a corner and make her talk before any more casualties arose. "What did you see in the Final Dead Room?" She pressed on.

Celes had been the only one able to enter the Final Dead Room during the lockdown and she's been tightlipped about her findings ever since. Weapons was all she would answer when asked but Kyouko knew that she was hiding something. Her poker face was incredibly unreadable so whether or not Kyouko's interrogation was phasing her, it was hard to tell. Celes' smile had not faltered ever since the conversation started.

"Weapons." She answered again, her smile was a touch bit of mocking. "But if you must know, a weapon is only as lethal as its wielder." She added lightheartedly what sounded like a threat.

Mukuro instantly changed her stance and growled, "If you try anything, I'll have you personally know why I'm called a human killing machine."

"P-Please, no violence!" Chihiro pleaded while shaking out of fear.

Ryouko on the other hand, wanted nothing of this. "This has nothing to do with me..." She mumbled to herself as she turned a blind eye over the fight. She's just here to figure out her memories. Anything outside of that, she was not obligated to be a part of.

As if she ate death threats on a daily basis, Celes answered Mukuro's steely gaze with her own, silently conveying her own resolve. She turned her eyes back to Kyouko's and proudly said, "I haven't lost a bet before in my life."

"What are you wagering?" Kyouko asked her one last question.

Celes' smile almost seemed genuine. "The highest stakes, of course."

She went missing that night and led them on a wild goose chase that lasted for almost a week. Just when they thought they'd caught up with her, the trail would go cold and a different clue would surface. They wouldn't have played her game of chase if only she hadn't taken the islands as hostage with bomb threats. She kept everyone on edge and on the lookout for her and for the bombs.

They found the bombs first and then her corpse next.

A locked room murder. That's what it was and after clearing suspicions on each other, they had decided that it was clearly suicide. There was just no other possibility.

"You've got that wrong!" Makoto objected just before they could cast their votes. "Don't you think it's a bit weird? Celes isn't the type to just kill herself."

"Yeah, well Kiyotaka looked plenty innocent too." Ryouko argued back. "For all we know, she could have been infected by the despair disease and hiding her symptoms all this time?.

"But wasn't that cured after the third trial?" Chihiro chipped in.

"It's true. My fearing symptom was alleviated as soon as the... execution was over." Sakura confirmed morosely.

"Well if you put it that way... We still don't know why she wanted to kill herself." Mukuro added thoughtfully.

"She obviously couldn't find out who the traitor was and killed herself out of gambler's honor or something." Ryouko argued with a scoff. She just wanted this to be over and done with.

"I doubt that honor is the first thing that comes to mind when being a gambler." Kyouko crossed her arms in thought. "But it is rather peculiar as to why she chose this specific method to die. Given all the hardship she's thrown over us this past few days, this death seems too easy."

"Then we all agree that we should discuss about this more, right? At least let's try to uncover the whole truth before we close this permanently." Makoto suggested and with most of them nodding in agreement, he continued with heavy breath, "We'll get through this, I'm sure of it... No matter what truth we uncover."

The truth may have been better left unknown as they all turned to the culprit with a sickening sense of betrayal.

“...Aww, you totally guessed right!" Makoto tried to smile but it came out half-hearted, somber. "Just as expected... Yeah, you got that right... I'm the traitor.”

But even more powerful than betrayal was the conflicting sorrow they felt over his fate.

"There... There has to be a mistake!" Mukuro pleaded with desperation. "How sure are we that it was the traitor who did the killing blow? Maybe it was Celes for all we know! Maybe Makoto's luck somehow saved him a few seconds just before he could become a killer unknowingly!"

"We've gone over this before..." Kyouko cut her off right there. Her bangs covered her eyes so it was hard to tell what kind of expression she was making but her voice sounded more collected than usual, unfeeling. "We're absolutely certain that Celes died by accidental intervention at the traitor's hands. With Makoto's streak of bad luck, it even makes more sense that he'd be the culprit."

"Of a murder he never planned!" Mukuro shouted, her voice was raw with emotion. "Are you seriously accepting this? His only crime was that he was at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and threw the wrong bottle! He's a murderer by a goddamn technicality!"

"But a murderer under the rules nonetheless!" Kyouko yelled back and the whole room fell silent. She held her chin up and revealed streaks of tears down her eyes. Her voice trembled now and it was so soft, it sounded like she would almost break. "I don't approve of this any more than you but we both know what we must do in order to survive." She couldn't hold back any more and covered her face as she cried over her helplessness.

Mukuro wanted to say something to that but she bit her lip. She knew and understood their situation. It wasn't Kyouko's fault that they had to make this choice but that didn't make her any less angry. Her fists were clenched so hard that if she hadn't been wearing gloves then she would have drawn blood. It wasn't just the two of them who were hurting over this. Everyone had their own anguish painted across their faces and sobs echoed through the trial room.

And Makoto, sweet innocent about to die Makoto, he was smiling softly.

"It's alright... I don't blame you for making this choice. If anything, I guess I'm happy that you chose to live." He offered with a small genuine laugh and that made them feel even more guilty at what they were about to do. "I'm sorry that you had to find out about me this way but at least I get to help you in the end."

"Why?" Sakura asked barely above her sobs. "If you just revealed that you were the traitor then maybe we could have avoided these fatalities."

Makoto just smiled somberly and crossed his arms as he explained, “A traitor who's not allowed to think that they're different from everyone else... A traitor who can only interact with everyone as a traitor..." He barked out a bitter laugh. "Because that's the nature of their existence... They can only exist as a traitor...”

"That's right. In the end, you're still the traitor!" Ryouko pointed at him with a scowl. Unlike everyone else, her anger seemed to be directed at him. "You've been deceiving us all this time! I... We... We thought you were our friend but it turns out that you're working for them! All that talk about friendship and hope? Was none of that real?"

He steadied her a hard glance, his voice unfaltering. "Everything was real. Everything said and happened between us was real. Believe in me when I say that all of that was real and genuine. The only difference is that I'm just a traitor. I lied about not being the traitor but everything else was the truth."

"I don't understand. If everything else was true..." Chihiro said in between his sniffles. "Then what does you being a traitor make you different?"

"Sorry... but I don't have what it takes to tell you." When met with pleading looks he continued, "Even if you want to fly, you can't, right? Even if you want to swim where you please, you can't right? It's the same for me, I guess..."

Aside from the sounds of crying, no one spoke. The air felt too heavy to breathe in. Some of them shut their eyes in a futile effort to look away from the inevitable while the others bravely looked on with blurred visions, memorizing every detail before he would cease to exist. He was crying too but he was smiling more than anything.

It was his kind smile that they would miss the most.

"Yeah, yeah whatever! Look are you going to vote or not? 'Cause I swear I'm going to execute all of you regardless if nothing happens in the next ten seconds!" Monokuma ordered them impatiently and even began his countdown.

Makoto's smile was heavy in their hearts.

“...You guys can stay alive by believing in me.” He urged them on, almost pleading. He placed a hand over his chest, a gesture that showed he trusted them wholeheartedly to make the right choice. “You don't have to worry. Believe in me... and cast your vote.”

So they did and they were right. And oh, how they wished they were wrong.

“Monomi... I'm sorry, too." He said as he crouched to her level. "You're probably gonna get scolded by a lot of different people for this... But still, I want to protect everyone by any means. And... I'm happy that I'm able to do that.”

"I'm surprised that you would even do that!" Monomi said in between her sniffles. "I didn't think you could... pull it off."

“Maybe I wanted to protect everyone, no matter what the cost.” Makoto confessed and then shook his head. "No, not maybe. I'm sure of it." The smile on his lips seemed lighter as he continued, “I was able to think I wanted to protect everyone. That's why... I feel proud of my actions.”

"I'm proud of you too! You did good!" Monomi cried as she hugged him. "I can't let my student go in alone so... this teacher's coming with you."

"Are you sure?" He pulled back and stared questioningly at her eyes. "You know you don't have to. I'm the one who's supposed to be executed. Who's going to watch over them?"

"You've grown up, Makoto. You're able to make decisions on your own now. If you believe in them so much then I want to believe in them too." She puffed at her chest for emphasis. "This teacher needs to do some growing up too. I'm coming with you and that's final."

"Okay, okay. Thank you." He laughed out of relief. "To be honest, I'm kind of scared. I feel bad for bringing you along with me but if you say so..." He tightly held her stuffed paw as he stood up. “Let's believe in everyone... and leave the rest to them...”

He turned toward his friends who were reluctant to let him go.

“Well, I guess this is goodbye." He waved at them one last time with a smile that was too happy for the occasion. "Bye everyone... It's okay. A shining future will always be waiting for you. It's true... It's absolutely true... Because I believe in you! So don't lose hope!”

Makoto left them with hope but all the others could feel was an emptiness where his life should have filled in.

---

They didn't know what to believe in anymore.

Everything about this world was fake. The whole island and even them included, all was fake. This was all a literal game, a virtual program where they were just mere avatars walking about. They were all just strings of numbers without knowing it. No matter how real everything seemed to them, it just wasn't. They saw it firsthand how their world glitched and collapsed right in front of them. This was a virtual world and they were merely players. It made them question their existence. Was none of this ever real?

"So if our brains believe something is real... then it's no different than if it actually happened?" Ryouko couldn't believe what she was saying. This has got to be a lie, a horrible yet terrifyingly believable lie.

"If a lie is a believable lie... You're saying it might become the truth?" Sakura looked just as bewildered as the rest of them.

"We're really just connected to machines and our consciousness was uploaded into here...?" Chihiro understood more than anyone else just how possible that was but that didn't mean he was more accepting. "So we genuinely believed that this game world was real and we didn't know any better."

"The truth is... it was all a lie... That is this world's truth." Kyouko concluded grimly.

Mukuro tried to combat the shock with anger. "Who cares if it's a lie? If this is really a game world, everything that happened here took place inside the game, right?"

"I see, just because they died in the virtual world doesn't mean they died in real life." Sakura jumped onto her train of thought with an unexpected hope. "Those who left before us only died in spirit here but are still alive in the real world."

Chihiro didn't seem that convinced with the theory however. "I'm not sure if that's how it works..."

"You sore losers just don't get it do you?" Monokuma sighed and shook his head almost sympathetically if he was even capable of that. "The New World Program isn't just any game, it's next-gen software containing the ultimate reality. And speaking of that reality, if a player's avatar experiences death... Their brains inside their actual bodies will stop functioning too!"

Whatever little hope they were building up was trampled on just like that.

"Well nobody's gonna appreciate a game where you don't die where you're supposed to, right?" He casually said as if their lives meant nothing to him.

"You bastard!" Mukuro swore and she would have murdered the bear many times over if it weren't for the stupid rule about violence against this so called headmaster.

"Hey, don't blame me. I'm just here for the show. If you want to be mad at someone then get mad at Future Foundation. They're the ones who are forcing you to play this game." Monokuma suddenly paused and if it were possible, it's smile seemed to grow wider. "Speaking of the devil... The main cast has arrived!"

There was a flash of bright light at one of the stands. As the light began to fade, strings of numbers started to materialize until those numbers converged into something more tangible- a person. This person carried an air of power and authority that was more than just from their suit. Their hair was black and there was something abyssmal about its length as it mixed with their own shadow. And then there was the all piercing gaze from his red eyes. This person wasn't just anyone, whoever he was, he was unspeakably dangerous.

"Look who came for a fan favorite comeback! Classic!" Monokuma cheered and even clapped in encore. "Welcome Future Foundation's poster boy, the Ultimate Hope himself, Izuru Kamukura!"

Ultimate Hope? Ironically enough, all they could feel was trepidation as they regarded the suspicious newcomer with caution.

Izuru paid them no mind as he cut right to the chase, precise. "If you want to be saved then you all need to fully accept the situation you're in. Why do you think Future Foundation put you in the New World Program in the first place?" He expounded, "The New World Program has another name: Hope Restoration Program. By now you should be able to piece together your true identities."

"True identities? Aren't we the fifteen survivors of Hope's Peak Academy who were rescued by the Future Foundation?" Chihiro asked, obviously afraid of where this was going.

"But why would they put us in a Hope Restoration Program?" Kyouko countered and judging by her sudden pale expression, it seems that she may have already figured it out.

Something flashed inside Ryouko's mind, something fleeting and yet also familiar. A feeling. A memory. A truth.

A horrible truth.

"We're all... Remnants of Despair?" The words escaped her lips without thinking, her mind was still in shock over the discovery.

Izuru ignored the collective gasp and added, "Despair in human form but utterly inhuman... that's what you are."

Despair. And that's what they felt in this moment, despair piled on top of despair.

"That cannot be true! I refuse to believe that we are capable of falling so low!" Sakura found herself shouting at the outrageous accusation.

He sighed as if bored by their reactions and continued monotonously, "It might seem unbelievable at first because you only have memories from before you entered high school but you changed at Hope's Peak Academy. You were all tainted by Ultimate Despair when you came in contact with HER."

"Her? Just who is this bitch?" Mukuro practically snarled.

"The true Ultimate Despair... Junko Enoshima."

Junko Enoshima. There it was again, that name. It was that same name that nagged at her mind more than the name Ryouko Otonashi. For someone as forgetful as her, it was the one thing that she didn't forget. It was strange, it was as if the name was a parasite that dug itself into her brain. The roots were so deep that it was like it didn't want her to escape from this name. There was something important about it but she didn't feel thrilled at the chance that it was related to her memories. There was something sinister about that name and now she knew that it was because this name belonged to a sinister person. Not just any sinister person but the Ultimate Despair herself.

"Junko was the one who strongly influenced you in school and changed you into Despairs. And in order to remove that influence, you've been placed into the Hope Restoration Program." Izuru explained with no remorse. "The reason you're able to act like your normal selves is because you're within the New World Program but your true bodies in the real world are different. In the real world, you're part of a group that cruelly destroyed your family, friends, and even your own body. The Ultimate Despair defy all understanding and even their own hopes."

The room errupted into a chorus of denial and each face was painted with despair.

"T-There's no way we'd do something like that!" Ryouko objected but was surprised because a part of her believed what he was saying. No, not just believed... it was more like she already knew from the beginning.

"It's useless to feign ignorance anymore. Don't turn away from the truth." Izuru slammed his hand, effectively silencing the room. "Now face what you've done and from there take the first step towards the path of hope!"

Hope? What did he mean by hope?

"But if we're already Despairs as you said then what hope do we have?" Mukuro asked weakly not quite meeting anyone's eyes.

"There's no need to worry. If you just advance toward the hope I provide then you'll be saved. It's that simple." He crossed his arms as he expounded, "Essentially, your cohabitation inside the New World Program was just a simulation. If we removed the memories of your time at Hope's Peak Academy, would it also remove your Ultimate Despair? Although it deviated from the original plan of you collecting Hope Fragments, nevertheless you guys were able to overcome your unexpected trials and make your way here." He paused to let that sink in before adding, "That's why... all you need to do is choose 'Graduate'."

"And by choosing to 'graduate', we can get out of here?" Kyouko asked skeptically.

"However, if you 'graduate' from here, your school memories will never return." Monokuma pointed out.

"If you choose to 'graduate' and the Observer determines that there are no problems then you will complete the Hope Restoration Program and your avatar will be 'uploaded' into your real body." Izuru explained furthermore.

"By uploading our avatar's memories into our bodies, we're also forcibly erasing our past selves..." Kyouko pieced together out loud.

"H-Hey... What happens to the people whose avatars died?" Mukuro on the other hand was more concerned about those left behind than this existential crisis.

"If an avatar that needs to be uploaded has been deleted, there's nothing we can do." Izuru bluntly answered without hesitation. "If you choose to 'Graduate', it'll transfer your in-game memories but your school memories will be gone forever. Unfortunately, the people who have already died will not be able to wake up."

Despite being in a virtual world, they still couldn't escape the reality of their friends' deaths.

"Then... What will happen if we don't choose to 'graduate'?" Mukuro asked, her voice carrying a slight tremble.

"You'll continue living your tropical life. How boring." He stifled a yawn.

"Why would you even ask that? Don't you want to get out of here?" Ryouko asked, her voice laced with betrayal.

Mukuro simply looked away. "Well even if we wake up, we're still messed up... So what's the point?"

"You don't have to force yourself to return to a painful reality. Let's just play this game forever and ever. Don't worry, I won't judge." Monokuma commented snidely.

"Is it really okay to sacrifice the others just to save ourselves?" Chihiro offered his own thoughts.

"But if we don't get out of here now, all the deaths we've endured will be in vain. We at least owe to them our survival." Sakura argued but even she seemed torn about it.

Kyouko who has been silent this whole time, finally spoke up but it wasn't about the current issue. "Something's not right..." Specifically concerning a certain bear. "How come Monokuma's isn't trying to stop us?"

"What? Don't tell me you're expecting so much from little ol' me." Monokuma blushed. "Hate to break it to ya but I'm just an NPC. Even I know when I'm not needed for plot."

"Are you really? Are you truly going to stay quiet and overlook us getting out of this game world? Then everything you did would be pointless, too." She continued her line of reasoning.

"Hey, not everything has to have a point! I'm an impulsive bear who does what he wants with no greater meaning." He needlessly twirled. "Not bothering to care or plan for anything keeps the stress away. How else do you think I got this wrinkle-free face of youth?"

"Not only that..." She then directed her accusation towards the only other silent person in the room. "Is it really okay for us to believe him? Don't you think it's a little strange?"

"Strange? It seems you still don't grasp your situation." Izuru didn't seem the least bit phased at all. "Be saved or don't be saved. Be grateful that you're even offered the first option when you are Remnants of Despair. How hard is it for you to understand that?"

"You said you were the Ultimate Hope and that it was you who put us inside this program, right?" She wasn't intimidated by him at all as she continued her interrogation with narrowed eyes, "Then tell me who Hajime Hinata is whom we met earlier and claimed to be the same?"

"..." He fell silent for a long while until a chuckle passed through his lips. "So you've made contact, huh? Should have known that he'd be able to hack through... I should have gone with his face after all but then again even I don't want to wear that boring loser's face." With that, he disappeared from sight.

"He vanished because he couldn't keep up the charade anymore." Sakura pointed out, still staring at where Izuru was just a moment ago.

"So that fake was all Monokuma's doing?" Chihiro was still overcoming the shock from that.

"Awwww, you found out I was faking! Th-This is so embarassing, I just wanna kill myself!" Monokuma acted all flustered and shy.

"Why would you give us a fake Future Foundation member!" Ryouko yelled indignantly.

"That fake was trying to get us out to the 'real world'..." Kyouko pointed out with a scowl.

"Then that's your plan? Is that where your trap is?!" Mukuro shouted, absolutely furious. "I don't care about the rules anymore! I'm going to kill you right here and now!!"

"Stop! You can't kill me yet! This isn't some stupid game with a half-assed ending like that!" Monokuma shouted back with just as much anger.

"You should stop calling all of this as that. This isn't a game." Sakura reprimanded and it looked like she was ready for murder as well.

That actually made Monokuma chuckle. "Oh, but this IS a game. And like all epic games, there's still the final boss." He tucked in his elbows and began charging energy. "Upupu... Get ready for the transformation you've all been waiting for! AAAAAHHHHHH!"

Ryouko felt an intense foreboding feeling about this. Like the inside of her brain was burning, sizzling, building up to explode kind of feeling. An inescapable kind of feeling of what was about to come.

"Now then! Make sure you burn this ginormous despair you're about to see into your memories!"

As Monokuma burned brightly in an aura of his own energy, a gigantic manicured hand squashed him unceremoniously out of nowhere. More of the world collapsed and crumbled, and from the debris rose a giant woman with a face that showed no remorse. Despite having the face of a fashionable teenager, there was something menacing about her aura. It's as if malice practically seeped through her. She then nonchalantly pulled out a phone and placed it in front of them. The screen flickered to life as the same woman was shown but this time more animated.

"This is... Monokuma's identity?" Sakura regarded her warily.

"We have to deal with this thing?" Mukuro's hand was already on her knife.

"Thing? How rude!" Junko huffed and wailed her arms. "I don't want to hear that from such a disappointing sister!"

"?!" Mukuro flinched and without a moment's hesitation, her glare turned up to a dangerous level. "Don't ever refer to me as anything remotely close."

"Well girl, do I have some news for you." Junko giggled shortly and all of a sudden her mood swung to a more somber tone. "Ah, but then again, spoilers. Can't let you know that early in the game."

"Can't let us know what?" Kyouko hounded her.

"Y'all can't take a hint, huh? I just said NO SPOILERS!" Junko yelled harshly and then started acting all bashful. "Kyaaah! This is so embarrassing! Everyone's staring at me so intensely!"

"Her personality isn't consistent at all." Chihiro pointed out fearfully.

Mushrooms sprouted all over Junko as she sighed. "Well sorry for trying so hard to cater to your generation's short attention span. You guys get so bored so easily that the only way I can keep up is by changing personalities every five seconds."

And while everyone was trying to absorb the sudden appearance of their ultimate enemy, there was one who was taking this harder than the rest, for reasons not even she could comprehend. "Are you... Are you truly the Junko Enoshima?" Ryouko asked with a trembling voice.

Junko paused and a large grin slowly spread across her face. "Hmm? Why would you ask that specifically?"

Ryouko's mouth opened to answer something but nothing came out. She's not sure either why she asked that or what answer she was expecting. If they only had memories from before high school then there's no way for her to have known Junko's face and yet... For some reason, Ryouko couldn't help but feel that she recognized Junko. And the manic grin on her face told her that Junko recognized Ryouko too. It was unsettling.

"I am the great Junko Enoshima among other things but you can just call me Junkie! After all, aren't we all Ultimate Despair here? So that makes us all buddies!" Junko happily announced in a sing-song tone.

"Like hell we are!" Mukuro objected and so did the rest of them.

"Sheesh, tough crowd." Junko sighed dejectedly. "And here I was thinking of you guys when I tampered with the Graduation Program."

"Tampered...?" Chihiro hesitantly asked.

"Got yer attentions now, ey?" Junko winked at them. "Remember what that fake Izuru said earlier? About what happens to you when you graduate, right? I feel like you guys weren't getting a big enough reward for graduating... So I decided to modify what happens so it's something exciting and unique, just like a game!"

The gigantic Junko retrieved the phone and tapped on the keypad a few times before setting it back with an image blown up on screen. "Uploading your game memories into your real bodies is fine, but letting your friends stay dead just sucks! That's why I'm pulling off a deus ex machina to ressurect them! This is the 'new Graduation Program' that I'm offering!"

"Can you really... bring them back?" Mukuro asked desperately, almost hopefully.

"Of course I can! Who do you think I am? I hacked into here so I can hack their lives back!" Junko then stood up straighter and sharply declared, "Besides, what are you all getting stressed for? It's just a game. Each and every thing that happened in this world was just an event within the game."

"Isn't what you're saying now is just contradicting what you said earlier?" Chihiro countered.

"I was obviously just messing with y'all. There's no way anything that occurred in the game could affect the real world." Junko casually said. "That's why you should finish this game and go back to living a normal life in the real world!"

"Will our friends be there with us on the other side? Is returning truly that easy?" Sakura doubted.

"I just said so, didn't I? Sheesh, kids these days don't know how to listen anymore." Junko scoffed at them.

"If we go back, what do you get out of it? What benefit do you get by making us return to the real world?" Kyouko questioned her, still not buying into the deal.

"All I want is to put on this graduation performance in a more dramatic way." Junko answered in her sickly sweet tone. "Well, if you doubt me, you don't have to go back. Is that what you want? Not to go back?"

"If it'll bring our dead friends back... it's all we can do."

"Everyone can go back together. There's no reason to hesitate..."

"There is no way we can choose to stay here after all we've been through... we have to get out."

"In the end, we need to get back to the real world... where we'll all be together again."

"There's no other choice... but even so..."

Light flashed and in its place, a person materialized. "Don't press it! This is... Junko's trap!"

"And thus, the main character gallantly appears!" Junko practically squealed in delight. "Here's the bland looking hero Hajimemes!"

Hajime just scowled at the nickname. "It's over, Junko. Now that I'm here, I can finally settle things between us once and for all."

"Uh, don't you mean twice? Since this isn't our first meeting or did you forget, silly?" She giggled and then her whole demeanor turned cold in a blink. "Your presence here won't do shit. As long as you're here, you'll be treated like one of my students. So you can't pull off any Ultimate Hope convenient talent under my watch."

"I know better than to use cheap tricks to defeat you." He crossed his arms defensively, not backing down.

At this point, everyone had forgone questioning Hajime's sudden appearance. There was something more urgent than that in their minds. "Hey, just what do you mean by "trap"? What is Junko's trap?"

His lips were a thin line as he answered, "She's lying to you about your dead friends coming back to life. Junko's goal is to convert the Hope Restoration Program to the Despair Restoration Program. She intends to upload herself into the bodies of everyone who's had their avatars deleted."

The whole room was shocked into silence as the color drained from their faces.

"Ding! Ding! Ding! Operation: Junko-fy All Mankind begins here!" She announced and even flashed a slideshow to go with her exposition. "Even if they're overwritten by my Alter Ego, it doesn't mean they'll be a completely different person. The data of everyone who died is stored within me, so I'm sure I can convincingly act out their personalities." She hollered boisterously. "With this, my despair utopia where you can despair as you please, Junkoland, will be complete! Aw yeah! Our dreams are expanding-anding-anding!"

"Why would you... why would anyone do that?"

"Because Junko Enoshima is the True Ultimate Despair." Hajime answered for them. "She doesn't yearn for any kind of future at all. She fills every person she meets with despair!

"For me, despair is not a goal, or a set of principles, or a lifestyle, or even an instinct." She added with a hint of pride. "It's what defines me as Junko Enoshima! It's just my characterization!

There was something about her words that resonated with Ryouko and at this point, she may have already gone past the point of caring.

"There is a way for you to get out of here without Junko getting out." Hajime offered. "The shutdown sequence that not even the teacher can stop."

"You say that as if it was an option." She stuck out her tongue at him. "Did Mr.-I-Have-All-Talents suddenly forget how to do math? Because last time I checked, six ain't a majority vote!"

"Who says that I didn't bring backup?" He smirked at her.

And as if summoned on cue, a bright flash of light shone in the stand on his right and from there another person materialized. "It's truly an honor to be here and witness despair get crushed by hope yet again!"

The same happened with the stand to his left. "There's no way we can leave these guys alone not when everyone has been fighting so hard!"

"Nggh! Fan favorite characters!" Junko scowled at the new arrivals with obvious disgust. "Stop stealing the spotlight from me! This fic ain't about you guys so scram!"

"Of course this isn't about you. You are merely a pawn in the grand scheme of everything. You're just here to serve as a stepping stone for hope." Nagito said with a smile but there was an underlying threat in his tone. "And it seems that you've already outlived your use."

"This isn't a game and you shouldn't be alive. You've been brought back to life one too many times and it's time to put you down." Chiaki declared with solid determination. "This is the final boss fight and we'll definitely beat you!"

"It seems the majority has spoken." Hajime's smirk hasn't been wiped off the whole time. "You set yourself up to fall the moment you hacked into my program."

Junko looked like she was backed into a corner but just like her personalities, that didn't last long since her confidence came back in full swing. "Is it really the majority? Wouldn't you like to know what the rest's thoughts are?"

The attention suddenly shifted back to the five survivors who was too caught up with the abrupt pace that they almost forgot that they still needed to decide.

"If we do the shutdown sequence... what will happen to us?" Chihiro asked even though he already had a vague idea as to what it was.

"If you shutdown the New World Program, everything within the program will be deleted." Hajime replied and looked them all head on. "That includes Alter Ego Junko and... even your avatars."

"Does that mean we'll... be deleted too?" Sakura asked softly.

"Yes, most definitely." Nagito answered all too nonchalantly. "But don't worry! It's a small sacrifice to pay for defeating the Ultimate Despair. You'll all be practically heroes of hope!"

"It doesn't mean you'll be deleted. The program will just finish without completing the Graduation Program." Hajime corrected. "Basically, your avatars will not upload... so you will revert to your original state before you entered the program."

"Back to being Remnants of Despair." Ryouko concluded.

"It may be a painful decision but I know you guys can endure it." Chiaki offered her voice of support. "That's why, in order to defeat despair, I want you guys to fight alongside us!"

"The brainwashing your bodies have gone through will be undone." Hajime further explained. "That's why I'm pretty sure you'll quickly revert back to the state you're in right now. Your safety and well-being will be guaranteed with this command."

"If our brainwashing is undone, the memories we made up until now... will vanish?" Mukuro knew it was the logical choice but she still couldn't help but hesitate. To forget...

"Does that mean we'll completely forget everything we did on this island? I don't want that!" Chihiro started crying over what would be the loss of precious memories. To forget...

"Even if there were a lot of painful memories, there are those that I would still wish to keep." Sakura brought a hand to her chest as she silently grieved. To forget...

"To forget everything that happened here... including him whose existence was solely created here." Kyouko didn't even mask her emotions this time as tears formed in the corners of her eyes. To forget...

"This is cruel! Why are we forced to make these shitty decisions? It's unfair!" Ryouko wailed in frustration at everything. Even if these weren't her original memories, they're still all that she has. To forget them all would mean having her start from nothing again. To forget...

"It doesn't matter what's fair, that's the reality. Every meaningless thing that happened here will vanish." Junko mocked their suffering with a lopsided grin. To forget...

"Oh, right let's not forget to thank the mastermind!" Junko clapped her hands giddily. "Who else could have pulled this off other than... ME!" She then turned her head to one person in particular. Her smile was full of malice. "Isn't that right, Ryouko?"

To remember...

In that moment, Ryouko finally remembered and so she died.

"Upupu..." She started chuckling until she was all out bursting with laughter. "Upupupu! That's right! Ryouko Otonashi, never, even, existed, in, the, first, place!" She was laughing so hard that she was hysterical. "Upupu, hilarious, isn't it? It's so despair inducing that it's hilarious!"

"Man, I can't believe that I was stuck playing this half-assed character for the span of a whole fic. Laaaame!" She complained with grand hand gestures. "Oh it feels so great to be me again! God I missed myself so much! I mean, there's no one quite as despairful as me!"

"What's going on?" Chihiro asked fearfully.

"Oh, right. I forgot that you guys aren't updated." She deadpanned to her classmates. "Turns out that Ryouko was just a poser. My true identity is far grander than that not so flat trying hard character."

"Could it be that you've regained your memories?" Mukuro questioned warily.

"Well duh! Obvious much?" She groaned. "Way to go for filler lines. Oh my god, you're as disappointing as ever! Just go kill yourself!"

"Did she really?" Sakura doubted. "It seems as if she's showing Despair Fever symptoms rather than mere memory recollection."

"What if it's both?" She smiled knowingly. "What if my memories are so despair inducing that I've fallen into despair all over again? Isn't that just despairing? All this struggle for survival and hope, only to find out that there's no hope for me at all! In fact, I don't want hope at all! Like get that disgusting hope away from me ya freaks!"

"This speech pattern... there's only one possible candidate." Kyouko's lips formed a grim thin line. "Your true identity is... Junko Enoshima, isn't it?"

"Fucking finally! The totally expected plot twist is revealed!" She whined. "Man, if this were a fic and I were a reader, I'd probably have given up on this at the third cutscene because the buildup for this has been too long! In fact, it's been so long that this scene is just anticlimactic!"

"But enough about me! Let's not forget that this whole thing was made for you!" AI Junko interrupted with a cheerful shout. Yeah, now there were two Junko's in the room. "You still have to cast your vote!"

"Tch. This was your trap all along..." Hajime said through gritted teeth.

"Um, correction. This was YOUR trap all along." AI Junko smugly replied.

"It seems that the plan backfired. As expected of the Ultimate Despair, rehabilitation was just not possible." Nagito let out a dejected sigh. "No matter how much you erase of her, there's always a residue of despair that no amount of overwriting can completely wipe off."

"We were hoping that the New World Program could rehabilitate even the True Ultimate Despair and maybe it would have if there weren't any interferences..." Chiaki crossed her arms. "But this turned out to be the worst case scenario. Rather than rejecting Junko Enoshima, she chose to accept her and rejected Ryouko Otonashi instead."

"And with Ryouko's personality dead, there's no chance of resurrecting her with that identity anymore." Hajime continued grimly. "If we did the shutdown sequence, everyone will revert back to how they were before... everyone including Junko Enoshima."

"Wait! That means that whatever we choose, this bitch will still come back to the real world!" Mukuro yelled, her face was the picture of desperation.

"Sucks to be you!" Junko stuck out her tongue at them. "Don't you wish you were me instead?"

"Never. You are the embodiment of everything we stand against. We would never even think of becoming anything close to a monster such as yourself." Sakura strongly objected.

"Ah, ah, ah!" AI Junko wagged her finger at them. "Don't say things that you don't actually mean." She grinned mockingly. "After all, we're all Remnants of Despair here. That means that at some point you did choose to become like me and at present, your real bodies are still the "monsters" you hate! Isn't that absolutely despairing?"

"We didn't choose you. You brainwashed us. I'm sure you manipulated us at some point and turned us into... into those things!" Chihiro trembled as he argued back.

"Fair enough, there was some brainwashing involved." Junko casually shrugged. "But let bygones be bygones, am I right? Who cares if I brainwashed you before, you're gonna have that conveniently ctrl+z'ed once you shutdown this shindig!" She grinned lopsidedly. "And I'm gonna be there with you once you get out and we're gonna party so hard it'll be like the end of the world all over again!"

"Don't think we'll let you get away with what you want." Kyouko glared at her with a venom unlike ever before. "We'll figure out a way to stop you and your despair. This isn't over."

"Oh, that you got right. It's far from over, upupu..." Junko laughed audaciously at their misery and AI Junko bellowed from behind. "The final chapter hasn't been decided just yet. Isn't that excitingly despairing? Who knows how this will end? Hell, even I don't know! So it's time to play one final game!"

The world as they knew it had long been destroyed and now all they have left was the future, a future that they had yet to decide on.

TO BE CONTINUED...

A/N Yeah, sorry for leaving you guys with a cliffhanger but you gotta understand, this was getting frustratingly long. I even got so tired that I forgone Junkie switching personalities. It was just too damn long and I wanted to write something else already. I burned out I guess... sorry.

It's kind of ironic that I started this prompt because I wanted to write specifically the scene where Naegi's ghost comes back to talk hope into the survivors but in the end, that's the only scene I didn't get to write. I do hope that you'd still appreciate the rest of this. Again, sorry for the incomplete mess but I hope you enjoyed some part of it.

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