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werewolves-are-real · 6 months

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Time Travel Temeraire snippet

At first, Laurence assumes he's dead.

It's a natural conclusion. He remembers dying, after all.

He and Tenzing were at a function hosted by Wellesley. They were mostly there to support the dragons. Temeraire had long abandoned them to quarrel with Perscitia in the courtyard, with half a dozen ferals watching like it were a jousting match. Wellesley had laid out his grounds to allow room for dragons and men to mingle, but a good portion of the guests retreated inside to avoid the raised voices of the dragons.

Laurence wonders how Temeraire felt about that, later. About not seeing.

He was stabbed. He barely remembers it – just a quick pulse of pain in his chest, looking down. Red blooming over his coat.

Then he was on the floor. People screamed. Tenzing appeared, grappling with a tall and finely-dressed man; he used a dinner-knife to punch a hole in the stranger's throat, in a fantastic spray of blood, and dropped the body at once to kneel by Laurence's side.

He remembers Wellesley barking orders – bandages, water, a hot knife. Have to cauterize it, he'd shouted. Keep pressure -

But Tenzing never spoke. Just pressed down on Laurence's chest, over the wound, without particular panic. Laurence still remembers the grim resignation on his face; Tenzing knew what was coming. Laurence was glad to have him there when he died.

Then Laurence woke up.

The world sways in a familiar way, a rhythmic motion that Laurence registers on a soul-deep level. He's on a ship. But why? Where is Tenzing, Temeraire? Why would they put him on a ship?

“I think the fever's breaking,” says a voice. A naval doctor, disheveled and salt-stained, with long scars down his bared arms. “Oh, and awake too!”

“Well thank Christ,” says another man. One Laurence recognizes.

It's Captain Gerry Stuart – but he looks different, younger than the last time Laurence saw him, with smooth skin and dark curly hair.

Gerry died two years ago.

“Well, Lieutenant! You gave us a scare – how are you feeling?” Gerry asks.

“It's Admiral,” Laurence corrects rather than all the other things he does not dare ask. He hates the title foisted upon him; but it's at least more comprehensible than Lieutenant, and he clings to that rather than demand where did you come from.

Stuart throws back his head to cackle, though the concern doesn't leave his face. “Still perhaps a bit feverish, I think!”

“That might be the laudanum,” says the doctor, also amused. “Why don't you sleep a bit more, Lieutenant?”

“But where is Temeraire? Or Tenzing?”

“I can only assume you had some very vivid dreams,” Stuart chuckles. “You were babbling and babbling for Temeraire – isn't that a ship?”

“Perhaps the flagship of his fleet,” suggests the doctor, and Stuart laughs again. “Get some rest, Mr. Laurence. Holler if you need me.”

They both exit the sick-berth. Laurence stares blankly at the door.

What?

Laurence pats his chest. No wound. He looks down, startled by the pale thinness of his fingers, his youth-soft skin.

Well; not soft. Callouses cover his hands. But even these patterns are different – hard skin in places where he would hold a sword, or pulls ropes. His hands should be more wrinkled, yes; but these callouses faded years ago.

“Where am I?” he asks when the doctor returns. “And what is the year?”

“The year? 1793. You don't remember?”

1793. Laurence was 19 in 1793. A lieutenant for two years, on the Shorewise.

The doctor narrows his eyes. “What's my name, lad?”

Laurence swallows. His stomach churns; for the life of him he can't remember.

The doctor rushes off to retrieve the captain.

_____________________________

Laurence is diagnosed with brain fever, and partial amnesia. Gerry is horribly guilty about laughing, earlier; Laurence could not care less. He is given strict orders to stay on bed-rest for another week, in hope his strength will recover – and his mind.

Laurence doesn't think he'll have any issues working – he's forgotten many of the people around him, true, but he may never forget the way to run a ship. He's far more concerned with learning what happened.

From all appearances, it is indeed 1793. France is undergoing riots, and declared war against Britain in February. Temeraire has not hatched. Napoleon is probably a corporal or general himself, at this point. If he exists at all. God knows, perhaps Laurence is only mad.

But he doesn't feel mad. His memories are too vivid to be mere fever-dreams. A man cannot dream up twenty years of life!

But neither can a man go back to his youth, and live it all again.

I have a dragon, he thinks of saying. There is no war, because I captured Napoleon – an unknown man who makes himself emperor.

Mad. It sounds mad even to Laurence himself. But to imagine that Temeraire was a fever-ridden dream... Tenzing and Granby and China, all of it...

Laurence doesn't share his turmoil with anyone – not even with Gerry, who checks on him fretfully. After a week the doctor declares him well enough, physically. He's paired always with another lieutenant for the first few days on duty, and his shipmates watch him carefully for signs of permanent debilitation; but aside from a moment or two of hesitance, Laurence competently resumes his duties. The oversight lessens.

Laurence thinks about writing letters.

He thinks about writing to Tharkay's late father, who ought to still be alive, inquiring after his son. He thinks of writing to Prince Mianning, asking about the health of Lung Tien Qian. He thinks of writing to young Midshipman Granby, his unwed brother, his dead father...

Not all of them would reply. But he could ask questions. Could verify the truth of things. Unless this, instead, is the delusion.

Is he in 1793, imagining the future? Is he in the future, imagining the past? Or maybe he is already dead, and this is the reality of hell. He came here burning with fever, and now he burns with fear. Surely that is it's own form of torture.

Laurence is ironically given the task of tutoring the midshipman and lieutenant-hopefuls more than any other duty as the weeks pass; his crewmates still look askance, and the more eager of the midshipman become protective. Laurence remains perfectly capable of command; it is only that he can't help but be absent-minded, sometimes, staring at all the crewmen that pass him like they are nothing but moving paintings. Images of a world that no longer matters.

One evening the midshipmen drag him away to a meal with the other officers. It's a noisy crowd; Laurence would find the friendly bustle comforting in another life.

One of the senior officers, Lieutenant Moore, waves him down as Laurence enters. Evidently they used to be friends, given his notably concerned behavior of late. Laurence can't remember the man, and has a sneaking suspicion he died too soon to make a lasting impression.Moore jostles him when Laurence sits at the long table. “Will! Did you get any letters with the last batch?”

A patrolling gunboat brought a satchel of letters just this morning. “I did not,” Laurence says. He's grateful for the fact. He'd found a few pieces of correspondence in his quarters that he dutifully sent on; he cannot imagine writing a letter now, in this confused state.

“Then you've had no news! Robespierre has gone mad. Madder than before, I suppose.”

“Robespierre?” asks Laurence blankly.

Lieutenant Moore double-takes, as does everyone else around them. “Good lord, Will, please tell me you remember Robespierre?”

Right... Robespierre's reign was brief, but this is when he led France. Some of the things the papers published...

Well, at least Laurence has a well-worn excuse for his ignorance. He plays up his malady: “Yes. I think I recall he was... French?”

Groans of horror mixed with amusement echo around the table. “...Well you aren't wrong,” says Moore, looking pained. “He has styled himself the 'President' of their Assembly, which is some stupid way of being king; the French are all mad about removing and adding words right now. I don't know how they expect anyone to hold a conversation.”

“We should... probably educate Mr. Laurence about the war at some point,” some midshipman mutters. Laurence doesn't recall his name.

Moore sighs again. “Anyway. Robespierre is a tyrant, of course. But he's elected someone else to rule France! Barely more than a boy, too.”

Laurence frowns; he doesn't remember what Moore's talking about. “Why would he do that? Did they capture one of the Bourbons?” Declaring himself regent of a child-prince would at least make sense.

“Well, at least you remember them. No; it is some nobody, a young soldier. Not even French! I cannot fathom it.”

It feels like Laurence has been dunked in ice.

For a moment he can't respond. “What was his name? The soldier.”

“Napoleon Bonaparte. He has been chosen as head of their new heresy, the 'Cult of the Supreme Being,' they're calling it; and now de facto head of the government, too. Must be a priest? I don't know, nothing the French are doing makes sense. I expect his little group will be as short-lived as everything else about these riots.”

But Laurence doesn't think so. “...Excuse me; I'm feeling a bit poorly,” he says, rising on wavering legs.

“Yes, you look it! Go on, we'll tell you about the war later...”

Laurence flees.

#posting bc i have no idea where this is going or if I'll do anything with it #it's just a funny stupid idea #Laurence travelling in time: I have gone mad. I am plagued by visions. God is punishing me for my Sins. This is purgatory.#Why is this happening? What moral course of action can I take under these circumstances?#Napoleon travelling through time: No idea how this happened. Neat. Time to hijack a cult and rule my country even earlier.#basic concept is Laurence has an ongoing existential crisis about his Place In The Universe #but also he is determined to stop Napoleon #who is delighted and fascinated they BOTH came back and sort of indulgently lets him try #basically resulting in Laurence becoming Napoleon's unwilling advisor frantically trying to do damage control in between bouts #of philosophical dread and despair #“Poor Mr Laurence was loyal before the brain fever we swear”#meanwhile Laurence is in France just trying desperately to make Napoleon Stop #etc etc #Temeraire

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alatreus · 1 year

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the party makes one (1) comment abt nonbinary drake and it keeps me shaken to my core

#talk tag #ITS STILL FUNNY TO ME BUT ALSO YEAH OKAY #he can have an ongoing gender crisis on top of a personhood crisis #on top of an ‘oops i badly injured my friends’ crisis

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charmwasjess · 4 months

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I legitimately didn't remember how fucking batshit funny some of the Dooku sections in Claudia Gray's Master and Apprentice were. Qui-Gon's remembering his first mission with Dooku in flashback: okay, seems straightforward enough. They land in an ongoing crisis in a battle zone, Dooku goes to talk to the generals. Then, next scene, we smashcut directly to:

"Don't be afraid." Dooku's voice rang out over even the howling winds of Shurrapak. Qui-Gon clung to the carbon-fibre-rope riggings of the Shurrapakan ship, salt spray stinging his face and hands as they rounded the cape to approach the battle from an angle the enemy wouldn't expect. "They're shielded against skycraft and energy weapons. Not against seafaring vessels!" He made this sound majestic, courageous, brilliant -- nothing like the last-minute, last-ditch attempt it really was. Qui-Gon took a deep breath and stared up at the stars. Big mistake. The stars weren't moving and his stomach was, and the queasiness that swept through him made him feel weak.

Dooku has been on this planet for less than 24 hours. There are already other Jedi there ahead of him with established generals working on the battle plans, which according to the scene just before this, are complete enough that its conceivable Dooku and Qui-Gon will miss the action. So naturally, the plan he then comes up with is "ABANDON ALL OTHER PLANS, WE ATTACK THE FORTIFIED BATTLEFIELD WITH OLD TIMEY ROPE-RIGGED SAILING SHIPS!"

And at his side?? A seasick twelve year old who has never left the Temple or seen battle!!! Who can't swim! And backing them up?? Rael fucking Averross, who Dooku was just nagging for being too eager to get into the fighting. Sure, Dooku. That's Rael's problem.

This is the most disaster lineage shit I've ever read. This could absolutely be an Anakin and Obi-Wan Clone Wars arc.

Bonus Rael and Qui-Gon Content, from earlier in the chapter:

"C'mon, then, let's go talk to the generals." Rael made it sound like the most natural thing for a twelve-year-old to do.

Rael, you crazy motherfucker, never change.

#Dooku just bellowing “seafaring vessels!!” with majestic courage like it's the best plan he's ever come up with is killing me #he's attacking an energy shield with a fucking pirate ship #where did he even get it #a living history exhibit??#count dooku #rael averross #qui gon jinn #master and apprentice #master dooku #star wars books #disaster lineage

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gffa · 2 years

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I know 2022 has been an insane year overall, but I can’t believe how much has happened in the last week.

Rings of Power’s debut being an utter shitshow, we’re all still trying to process how you can spend a billion dollars and it still is the blandest show you’ve seen in your life.

Every! Day! Is! A! New! Bombshell! in Classified Documents Belong to the Government Not The Person In The Government You Fuckwad

The ongoing war and suffering in Ukraine is still, you know, ongoing

The ongoing energy crisis in the UK and the incoming wave of absolute shit that’s going to unleash

Don’t Worry Darling is the only one of these that’s actively funny and that I have unironically enjoyed, just pure chef’s kiss, 10/10, no notes, would lol about Chris Pines writing erotica and maybe maybe not getting spit on again

The Queen of England died and it’s going to be a non-stop parade of mourners and/or celebrations and crab raves

It’s such a Everything Happens Too Much week that, when trying to detail out all the batshit things have happened this one single week in September, that I literally forgot JUST WHOLESALE FUCKING FORGOT! About about JKR’s new book about the main character being stalked by a “woke” internet mob and like half of the book is just tweets that toooooootally weren’t ones Ms. Rowling was definitely not mad about and definitely didn’t get under her skin and live rent free in her head, not at all! Do you know how insane a week has to be when JKR writing a book that shows all of her ass over just how badly she got fucked up by all those terrible, awful, mean tweets is the least memorable part of the week?? This week is nuts.

#politics #queen elizabeth #jk rowling #lumi.txt #i make myself laugh and that's all that's important

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duke-nitro · 3 months

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I can't stop thinking about Dark Crisis Young Justice, it's bad in a truly fascinating way. It's a book trying to critique a beloved comic, which normally I'd be down for, but the author seemingly hadn't read past (at least part of) the first issue and based all the critique points off of the covers of the first five issues.

Like Cissie's explanation for leaving the team being that she (and the other female characters) were totally overshadowed by Robin, Superboy, and Impulse, which is funny bc that's true in the fandom, but in the actual book she's arguably the main character. I'm fairly certain that bit is based on a combo of fandom and the "no girls allowed" cover, which is just a joke bc they let them in the team immediately in the actual issue.

Other things of note being the villain of the mini being a Mr Mxyptlk callback who is the only antagonist to be on the cover of the first 4 issues, the lack of even a passing reference to any of the other teammates, Mighty Endowed being painted as a generic sex appeal character and not an obvious parody of them, and my personal favorite, Baron Bedlam's cameo courtesy of googling "young justice bedlam" and seeing the version him from the cartoon.

The most interesting part, though, is that Secret and Harm are on that first set of covers... but if you haven't read the series, you couldn't be blamed for thinking they were one-off characters bc they'd never really done anything after that run, and the fandom is tends to be pretty Core Four (read: Tim and Kon) focused so that wouldn't help you learn about Secret's plot or literally anything about Empress.

Now, the original run has it's fair share of problems that I'd love to see addressed in a comic but it's gotta be by someone who's invested in it, and not bc they got saddled with it since they're writing the Tim Drake ongoing and got handed the keys for the rest of the set.

#dc comics #young justice #cissie king jones #kon el #tim drake #bart allen #cassie sandsmark #anita fite #greta hayes #Also the mini just doesn't acknowledge that Cassie was the leader of the team

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gold-rhine · 1 year

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i’m only half-joking about Itto as geo archon tho. like the thing is that he is seemingly not part of any ongoing or past main storylines and hoyo likes to include all 5 stars at least at some point in some role. And the characters that didn’t play their part yet all have set ups for the future, waiting for pay off. Like Mona is clearly set up for when Hexenzirkel will come into play. like yeah mb Itto is an exception to the rule and he’s just hanging out, being charismatic and comic relief, but like thats not ergonomic storytelling. And if he does have some future major storyline to play out, I think it can only be becoming geo archon.

hear me out:

1.i’m replaying liyue rn and the throughline of “The new lord of geo will arise sooner or later” is brought up several times by several characters, both Ning and Zhongli also name new geo archon as a solution for the mora production crisis. Why would hoyo set up the whole mora crisis and address it several times if they are not going to bring it up? it would literally not be a problem if they didn’t say there needs to be a geo archon for mora.

2. Itto is very similar in character to young Morax - stubborn, brash, proud, brute force, charismatic, cares about protecting what he sees as his people, able to inspire loyalty even in ppl who lost hope.

3.he’s also set up for character development arc. he’s strong, has heart of gold and is a natural leader, but he wastes all of it on childish games. this is like obvious set up for classic ruler finally finds an area to apply himself and learns to take responsibility

4. Itto’s right hand is Kuki, who comes from shrine maiden background, but she finished Liyue law school. Like??? thats such a specific set up that gives her both knowledge of religious institutions AND specifically Liyue laws. like hello?? she is the best advisor new geo archon could ever have

5.the only time Itto did show up in major storyline was the chasm, which connected him both the adepti thru Xiao and to Liyue goverment thru Yelan and Yanfei.

6. Hoyo loooooves doing like subversions of expectations and ~~future mirrors the past and everything repeats~~ shit with a twist. Ning and Itto would mirror Zhongli and Guizhong rule of a strong himbo archon whos bad at money and innovative smart woman, but with a twist that their personalities are switched - Itto is charismatic and never shuts up about nonsense like Guizhong, Ning is serious and stoic like Morax. There was a popular theory that Ning is Guizhong reincarnated bc she has a lot of ties to Guizhong symbolically thru glaze lilies, ballista, etc, but I think its not reincarnation, it’s that she is the parallel to Guizhong in the new era.

7. there are some incorrect fools with bad taste saying Ning and Itto would not get along, but like. Listen. He’s an orphan who was thrown out his village due to prejudice, but didn’t give up, formed his own crew who are intensely loyal to him, he’s unruly, loud, obnoxious, funny, brash, but has a heart of gold and when he has to protect his ppl, he has a spine despite goofing around other times. Thats literally Beidou. Itto is specifically Ning’s favorite type of emotional support himbo, not to mention that powerful ppl in general are drawn to Itto due to his sincerity (Ayato, Yae)

if i was a youtube lore person i’d throw in superficial shit like Itto has a lot of King and Royal descriptions tied to him, despite not having any actual royal heritage, but i just wanna share fun theory that i think is buried in the narrative

#rhine talks #arataki itto #genshin impact

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argumentativeaxolotl · 5 months

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Cars INCORRECT QUOTES⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ (mainly featuring the RGB Trio lmfaoo. Probably humanized too)

Lightning: [Pointing at Chick] Look at him and tell me there is a God!

Strip:

Chick: He made me in his own image👹👹👹

—————

Lightning: [On the phone] Hey Doc? Can I borrow 5000 bucks?

Doc: Why do you need $5000? Plus aren’t you rich???

Lightning: It’s for an escape room.

Doc: What kind of escape room needs $5000?!

Lightning:

Lightning: Jail.

ALTERNATIVELY:

Cal: [On the phone] Uncle Strip, could I borrow… 5000 smackeroos?

Strip: Why do you need $5000?

Cal: For an escape room.

Strip: What the hell kind of escape room needs $5000?!

Cal: Jail.

Strip: 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️

—————

Chick: Just found out the world doesn’t revolve around me. Shocked and upset.

—————

Strip: How long are we going to stand here and let him do that?

Chick: Just give him a minute… or two… This is seriously entertaining…

Lightning: [Struggling and on the verge of tears whilst pushing on a door that VERY CLEARLY has pull written on it]

—————

Doc: Since it’s impossible to know which part of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

ALTERNATIVELY:

Strip: Since it’s impossible to know which part of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

—————

Sally: [Annoyed] What are you, five?

Lightning: [With sass, no braincells] Yeah! Five heads taller than you!

Sally:

Lightning:

Lightning: I’m deeply sorry for my actions and have learned from my mistakes please don’t hurt me.

—————

Chick: Go big or go home!

Hicks Crew Chief: [Tears in his eyes] We’re all begging you, Chick. For once in your life, go home. Please. Just this once, go home.

Chick: I’m going big. 👹👹

Hicks Crew: [Muffled sobbing]

—————

Lightning: I have an idea—

Strip: [Racer-Sitting for the other Crew Chiefs] If it involves you, Chick, Cal, Bobby, and the Avatar Theme-song then no.

Lightning: [Crossing his arms sassily] Well never mind then!

—————

Strip: Gods give me patience…

Chick: I think you mean “give me strength”.

Strip: [Exhausted, pointedly] If the gods gave me strength, everyone would be dead.

Chick: [Nervous sweating]

—————

Sorry it’s so short yall! If you guys have any suggestions for incorrect quotes please feel free to drop them and lmk abt them. I’m having fun writing these lmaooo.

Anyways I think I’m funny lol. Enjoy these 💀

#cars 2006 #cars 1 #humanized cars #chick hicks #human lightning mcqueen #humanization #lightning mcqueen #strip weathers #headcanon #incorrect quotes #doc hudson #pixar cars #humanized cal weathers #cal weathers #sally carrera

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visenyaism · 11 months

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Top 5 asoiaf historical characters or top 5 povs to read from ?

my favorite chapter of all time still goes to the tyrion boat school chapter in adwd but in terms of favorite POVs to read?

6. joncon- giving myself a bonus one to talk about how reading his chapters made me feel like i was dissolving like a powerpoint transition. there’s just so much grief and love and bitterness and doom packed into there it is unreal.

5. sam- gender. he is just so special i’ve never read a fantasy protag quite like samwell tarly and his quest to realize his compassion, empathy, and courage are his greatest strengths despite being discouraged by hypermasculine violent feudal society. he is the real protagonist of asoiaf to me.

4. jonsnow- i liked his pov’s in all the books, but ADWD where he is just trying as hard as possible not to be the protagonist after going though like 4 different genres (can u BELIEVE he started off as a boarding school protagonist) even though he literally has super strengthis so beloved to me. His ongoing crisis where he has to realize that despite everything everyone tries to impose on him he has only ever been just himself is so so real (just as real as him being king beyond the wall. btw) though getting immediately killed for it has to be a downer. MY son was turncloak of the month at castle black👍

3. Jaime- he’s funny. he’s cringe. he stares a lot for someone who can’t fight. he’s delusional. he can’t fit a whole knight in his head. he hasn’t emotionally matured past the age of seventeen. everything he says is insane and also heartbreaking. i love jaime POVs so much y’all don’t get it.

2. Cersei- reading cersei i for the first time last year rewired my brain and i was loud about it. Unlike cersei i was not raised by a fascist nightmare but as a nonbinary girltwin i can say that getting raised alongside a direct example of what your life would’ve been like without misogyny can be very hard, especially when you hit puberty and the “your brother is a person and you are the girl one” starts to get even louder. I was fucking alarmed how personally compelling her weird gender thoughts were given EVERYTHING else the Lannister twins have going on that is NOT personally relevant to me. Don’t know how george rr martin old cishet man that he is knew about any of that.

She’s completely delusional, and at times her mental gymnastics are so so fucking funny, but the like roiling layer of unspeakable (literally unspeakable she refuses to speak or acknowledge it) pain and fear underneath is what got me really. Watching her scheme out of arrogance and mortal terror really just to gain respect and bodily autonomy (though in the Tywin way where freedom from abuse and the “right” to abuse others are the same thing) and then just losing everything incredibly fucking hard was really compelling. i hope you win.

1. Melisandre- wait i said another chapter was my favorite of all time in this post? no i didn’t not when melisandre i is in the room. i have talked about this one extensively and probably will do so again. Finding out that r’hllor is literally her enslaved and her entire black and white apocalyptic worldview is her attempt to feel safe within that truth because she is still just a scared little girl at heart who needs what she’s saying to be true because if it’s not none of her suffering was worth it was the revelation of all time. That and the revelation that she actually does have a human attachment to Davos to the point that she’s watching over his son to spare him the grief. We WILL get melisandre ii in this lifetime and it will break my heart all over again because she is going to outlive stannis and have to survive the worldview shattering.

#i am a PROUD cognitive dissonance unreliable narrator enjoyer. and AFFC’s strongest soldier #asoiaf #valyrianscrolls #listen i love all the regulars. there’s just so many heavy hitters in affc and adwd #WAIT THEON. NOOOOOOO

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smirk-mode · 3 months

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The true strength of Back to Earth

From rewatching BTE again a few days ago, it’s made me appreciate once again how good this special actually was and I get a bit irritated when so many people in the Red Dwarf fandom deride it simply because it’s not as funny as other installments in the series (spoiler alert – they were purposefully trying something different with BTE – it wasn’t a sitcom. Yes, it was in many ways a Blade Runner parody but it was also more than that, and it was also trying to be more than just a comedy).

For me it’s the storyline with Lister that really makes it worth watching, coupled with how this Despair Squid is far more intelligent and cunning than the one from Back to Reality.

The Squid from back to reality uses simple tactics to try and kill the boys. It makes Cat think he’s a dork, Rimmer a homeless alcoholic with no-one to blame but himself, Kryten a murderer, and Lister a fascist and a mass murderer. Quite quickly they all decide they’d rather be dead than live in that world… But because the illusion this Despair squid created was so thin, they’d probably have twigged they were in an illusion if they’d stuck around any longer.

This second Despair squid is far smarter though. She doesn’t actually want to kill the boys - but she does want them all thoroughly ensnared for a long time so she can escape without a trace. Ultimately, she doesn’t actually care if her victims succumb, so long as by the time everyone does comes round, she’s either legged it, or has made sure she’s not being threatened (which is exactly what happens as they decided to release her at the end of the special).

She’s taken the time to thoroughly psychoanalyse the boys, in particular Lister, and you can view the Bartikovsky, fake Kochanski and other characters as being her avatars through which the boys interact directly with the squid. She starts working on Lister immediately, sensing where he’s at mentally, and what’s on his mind:

Bartikovsky: Adjustment on command structure is essential if one day Lister is to regenerate human race, huh? Lister: Result. You beauty!

As an audience we’re meant to read this at surface-level – Bartikovsky is taking over the ship so that Lister can get laid… But Lister isn’t that a simple character. Rather this comment is a clue to one of the things that’s weighing on his mind – the fact he’s the last human and can do little about it, but still somehow feels responsible.

Elsewhere Bartikovsky sets about tearing strips off Rimmer. This is either because she’s sensed that Rimmer actually kind of enjoys this (he definitely has some sort of punishment kink..), or more likely she's trying to make him realise how badly he's been failing his bunkmate in recent times. It's here that she slips in this line in relation to Lister:

Bartikovsky: It's tragedy. His body lives but inside he is dead.

Again, reading it on a surface level, or with the level of knowledge the audience currently has about the situation at this point, and you could be forgiven for believing that this is a driven career woman trying to understand the habits of an unambitious slob and coming to the conclusion there's something wrong with him... In reality it’s a genuine observation from the squid, who, having recognised how dire Lister’s mental state is, is actually concerned for him (again, this squid’s not actually interested in killing the crew, she just wants to escape by distracting them…).

Having made such a direct observation, she again focuses her attention on Rimmer, angry that the person closest to Lister hasn’t actually noticed his bunkmate’s ongoing mental health crisis.

Bartikovsky: This is your fault. You kill him […] You responsible for his life but you do nothing. You think only of you.

At this point the squid subtly changes tactics. Rather than suddenly being the senior officer so they can somehow find a way to continue the human race, she instead now tells Lister she’s sending him back to Earth to find a mate. She has another go at Rimmer, telling him to get his affairs in order before she essentially nukes him. It’s clear having read the boys minds that she absolutely cannot stand Rimmer!

When they eventually all gather on the deck at Bartikovsky’s order so she can open a portal to Earth, Lister, the eternal optimist, says this:

Lister: Something always goes wrong. I’m not building me hopes up.

If we hadn’t already seen the scene at the memorial, most long-term viewers would flag this up as being out of character, this is Dave “we’re gonna get through this” Lister. He’s the optimist because Rimmer is usually pessimistic enough for everyone!

Moments later the squid enacts the next bit of her plan – she tells everyone that none of them actually appear to exist, helping frame up what’s going to happen when they reach ‘Earth’. This part of her plan is just buying time, but along the way it’s possible to see what her other aim – other than buying time for an escape – was.

(Cue all the nonsense at John Lewis – my least favourite bit of BTE. Incidentally they cut the best scene from this segment!)

At this point though, the squid already has Lister hook, line and sinker. He’s just happy to be back on Earth, and too happy to analyse the situation properly. But this isn’t enough for the squid. She has an ulterior motive that pays off for both her and the Boys – she sends them on a quest to find their creator to plead for more life, while buying more time for herself.

Looking for their creator, the boys now head to a sci-fi store (as you do), where they meet the owner of the shop - another avatar of the squid. This is when the boys find out they have a fan club!

(Also, the inclusion of the bathtub here is rather smart. It lets us know that Kochanski decided to sneak off the ship while Lister was in the bath, which is why he’s in the bath when Kryten tells him that she’s been killed. Lister runs out of the bath to do something (confirm she’s alive or something) and is so distraught when Kryten confirms that she’s dead, that he completely forgets about the bath and spirals into grief and depression… And nine years later the overflowing bathtub destroys Holly).

As well as learning about the fan club, the shop owner gives them a copy of SFX and sends them on the next part of their wild goose chase – on a bus to visit the props guy – also an avatar of the squid – but along the way Lister meets the two kids on the bus… who are also avatars of the squid and are actually the reason for this part of their quest - and not the props guy.

The conversation with the kids is critical for Lister’s character. Absolutely critical. The squid in the guise of the two kids begins to help Lister rebuild himself – cluing him in to the fact that Kochanski is in fact alive, and that he’s “pretty cool” and “quite brave”. But like the rest of the crew, they also thinks he’s “disgusting”. Here the squid also gives him ample reason to change his ways, elaborating that Kochanski couldn’t bear to watch him slowly destroy himself:

Boy: Kryten made it up. Lister: Why would he do that? Girl: You were a mess, falling apart. Boy: Drinking, being daft. Girl: She couldn’t bare to stay and watch you die, and you wouldn’t listen, so she took a Blue Midget and legged it. Lister: …Why would Kryten lie to me? Girl: He was only trying to save your feelings Boy: So you wouldn’t feel like a big, fat loser. You’ve been dumped!

And just after that:

Girl: Next series, try and find her Boy: And kiss her, I would! Lister: There isn’t going to be a next series. I’m a fictional character. I don’t exist. Girl: I think you exist Boy: I do too

After talking to the kids, he has a lot to think about. Are they right? Is Kochanski alive? Did Kryten lie to him? Does he exist? By this point he’s got to be mulling over his life choices. If he’d taken better care of himself, would she have stayed? How could he expect her to stick around if didn’t even care about himself?

At this point Bartikovsky catches back up with them, but the squid knows there’s no further need for this particular character, and gives Rimmer ample reason to kill her off!

Now onwards to Noseworld, and why can Lister read Chinese? Nobody nose! (I'm so sorry)

And now on to Coronation Street, which was included for two main reasons – budget and contracts. This series was funded by Dave which, although owned by the BBC, has other involved commercial partners which include ITV, and for those not in the UK, Coronation Street is an ITV property. Until the 2000s it was extremely uncommon for actors and other celebrities to do work for both the BBC and ITV simultaneously – some people would appear only on the BBC and vice versa. These days it’s much more common for stars to come and go between the two. But even when BTE aired it was still almost unthinkable to see a BBC mainstay visit the cobbles of Coronation Street.

Trivia aside, this scene is also important for Lister (and good on Craig Charles for being a sport here and running with the plotline). Lister meets the actor who plays him, a man who is famous in this reality… and he’s a mess. Lister walks away glad that he’s Lister and not Craig Charles, which makes him feel better about himself!

Also you could say in this scene that this was Craig Charles acting as the Despair Squid acting as Craig Charles!

(and I miss the Lloyd and Steve double act on Corrie)

From here the Squid is starting to run low on stalling tactics, and doesn’t put any other roadblocks in their way to meeting her penultimate avatar – the Creator - but that doesn’t mean there’s no important lines here. Quite the opposite in fact:

Lister: We want more life, smegger Creator: A series cancellation sequence cannot be revised once it is established Lister: What about all the loose ends? Me and Kochanski? Getting back home? Creator: I grew weary of you

There’s a lot in just these few lines. Lister wants to live because he realises he has unfinished business, which includes Kochanski whom he’d previously thought dead. But then there’s the creator’s ‘weary’ comment, which looks to have really upset Lister. Except Lister has just remembered that his life matters, so he’s not so much upset as he is angry…

Creator: You can never win. Accept it and die well. Lister: *nods as if conceding defeat, then lunges forward and attacks the creator, holding both sides of his head* Creator: If you kill me you moron you cease to exist! Haven’t you been following any of this?! Lister: I’ve been dead for ages man, just sitting around, getting old and fat. I never thought I had responsibility to anyone. I never thought there was anyone out there who was on my side, who wanted things to work out. We’ve got a fan club! They’ve even named a TV station after me! I was never alone, I just didn’t realise it. Now I want more life, smegger!

This is one of Lister's most important quotes in the whole series. Lister is openly admitting just how depressed he is. That prior to this squid incident he’s been sitting around waiting to die. But in the last day or so he’s found a reason to live again… and it’s part of the squid’s ultimate plan. She’s led the crew in circles while trying to find a way out of the water tank, but during this time she’s genuinely been concerned by Lister’s state of mind. It’s possible she’d been sensing the crew’s thoughts and feelings the entire time she was aboard ship, but it’s also possible she only read their minds after they came looking for her in the water tank. Either way, while saving herself, she also steps in and tries to help Lister realise he needs to help himself.

But that doesn’t mean that she values Lister’s life over her own, far from it, and that’s where her final avatar comes into play…

Not long after ‘killing’ the creator, the boys finally figure out what Cat’s little origami creations are – they’re little squid. This is all the boys need to figure out their dilemma and work a way out. But while Rimmer, Kryten and the Cat don’t look upset at the realisation, Lister immediately points out that being in this fake world doesn’t make him feel despair – it makes him feel elation. Lister decides that leaving this illusion and returning to the real world means returning to the shell of a person he’s become, and he doesn’t want that.

Lister: In here I’m somebody. It’s made me want to live again.

With her ruse rumbled, the squid knows she can’t keep the boys occupied for much longer, but to ensure her own safety, she decides to keep Lister with her for a little long (probably hoping the boys will be too preoccupied getting him to wake up back in the real world to bother with her).

And Lister, unable to cope with his depression in the real world, and presented with the possibility of a fake future with a fake Kochanski, begins to consider choosing fantasy over reality.

Lister: I can get her back again. Kids. Everything I’ve ever wanted. Kryten: But in the real world, sir, you’ll be dying. This isn’t real. Lister: It’ll feel real *cut to Rimmer and the Cat’s genuinely horrified faces* Kryten: Not in your heart Lister: I’ve got no option Krytie. This is the only chance I’ve got of getting her back again.

At this point, Kryten finally reveals the truth – Kochanski isn’t dead, and he concocted the story of her dying thinking it would be better for him to hear (it wasn’t, obviously). But even hearing that the real Kochanski isn’t dead isn’t enough anymore… By this point Lister thinks he’s found the perfect solution – he’ll get Krissie back for a little bit before he dies. He’s still ready to die here. More than ready in fact. This is basically Lister choosing suicide.

Lister: She’s in here somewhere as well, in fact she’s right behind that door and in this world she loves me. In fact in this world she’s going to love me till the moment I die.

At this point Rimmer, the Cat and Kryten’s antibodies kick in and they wake up. And realise that Lister won’t wake up. When Rimmer wakes up he looks at Lister in horror and worry. Probably with Bartikovsky’s comments ringing in his ears.

When Squid Kochanski appears she makes an interesting observation off the bat. Unlike Lister’s comments about having to stay, she’s picked up on the shred of doubt in his mind:

Squid!Kochanski: Seems you're undecided about which reality you wish to live in. Lister: I’m-m mulling it over. Squid!Kochanski: Would you mind if I ask you a question? Lister: Shoot Squid!Kochanski: In your dreams, did you kiss me? Lister nods Squid!Kochanski: Was it good? Lister, crying: I never wanted to wake up Squid!Kochanski: Then don’t

At this point the squid’s giving him two options – to take on board what he should have learned from this experience, and choose to live, or to take a convenient out by dying of thirst while in her illusion. At this point I don’t think she’s fussy which he chooses as I think she’s already realised the crew aren’t actually much of a threat to her, but she's still essentially offering Lister the chance to put himself out of his misery...

While Lister is stlll making up his mind they go for a drive. Kochanski’s dressed differently at this point so it’s probably been a day or two from Lister’s perspective. And it’s at this point he makes his mind up for good. Lister's spent enough time with Squid!Kochanski to mull over everything that's happened over the last couple of days, while also realising that the real Kochanski would never act like this illusory version (it's probably also why she's dressed so differently to the real Kochanski). And having previously said he has to stay in the illusion, he now says he has to leave.

The squid doesn’t want him to leave for obvious reasons, but there’s no real urgency about her actions anymore. Her attempt to make Lister stay is half-hearted, and perhaps still has another layer to it since she’s been secretly trying to show Lister his worth for most of this experience.

Squid!Kochanski: The real me? You’ll never get me, I’m way out of your league!

At this point, Lister finally seems to have absorbed what she’s been trying to tell him throughout the illusion, by responding to her as follows:

Lister: I thought that too, but I was wrong. Squid!Kochanski: You were right Lister: No. I’m pretty cool. I don’t take any smeg, and even though I’m disgusting, sometimes I can be quite brave Squid!Kochanski: You’ll never get me Lister: Yeah, I will!

And when Lister chooses life, squid!Kochanski doesn’t look upset at all.

The next scene is Lister waking up back aboard the ship, visibly upset, but surrounded by the boys. He instantly realises that they care because they stuck around waiting for him rather than leaving him alone.

After this, it’s ultimately Lister who makes the decision to release the squid when they get the chance, perhaps realising, at least a little bit, just what she did for him.

After leaving the cargo deck they discuss their predicament and finish off by breaking the fourth wall a bit more (newsflash: we’re not real!), with Lister having a chuckle alongside the boys… but when the rest of the boys turn to leave, his smile falls a bit. An indicator that he’s still down, but perhaps on the road to a better place.

So yeah…that was a bit of an essay, but I hope it shows how BTE was actually a bit of a high concept two-hander between Lister and the squid.

BTE might not have had as many laughs as other series, but it wasn’t trying to. Instead this was a great character study of Lister, and at last a TV canon exploration of his mental state, which couldn’t possibly be good given his circumstances in life.

I also like to think that after this, Rimmer went away and had a good long look at himself. Rimmer was at his absolutely peak of selfishness and self-absorbedness at the start of this special and he needed the squid’s reality-check (oh the irony). At the very least I hope he gave Lister a hug and told him not to scare him like that again.

#dave lister #arnold rimmer #red dwarf #back to earth #bte #bte is good is a hill I'm prepared to die on

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vinelark · 9 months

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oh my god i love your guys’ ocs. like im genuinely so invested this is crazy. i need to know more please

thank you i also love them!!! some more fun facts:

santi and blue are pals. they hang out together and vibe quietly. they share Looks of Solidarity when their respective boyfriends are being extra bat-bonkers. they cook together at 3am when the bats are off doing something and blue Appears in santi’s apartment and santi is like okay i’m used to this by now. i guess it’s snack time. this makes jason and dick happy because dick likes blue having more friends/people he trusts, and jason likes that if anyone tries to go after santi while blue is around it simply will not happen.

on that note, jason has a(nother) (ongoing) crisis about santi’s safety after he finally decides to commit to the relationship.

jason [sewing panic buttons and trackers into all of santi's shoes]: god fucking damn it. this is how bruce feels isn't it

@90kon: its also objectively funny for jason to be worried about santis wellbeing considering they live in gotham. every morning he has a 50/50 chance of making it to work unscathed

@feyburner: santi’s like girl i have lived here all my life. i once stepped directly OVER killer crocs tail so i wouldnt miss my train

@mammutblog: santi is like i have objectively lived here longer than you have given that you have taken a sabbatical

blue likes going to the aquarium 🐟🐠🐡

blue’s eyes are very sensitive! and a little unnerving if you’re not expecting them to, you know, glow a little. @cairoscene: i want the batsiblings to keep giving blue the weirdest sunglasses they can find at any given opportunity and blue loves it. steph swings by dick's window and is like "hi blue! here have these" and these are just

@cairoscene: bruce also gets blue some sunglasses only he made them himself and they are designed for maximum light blocking and covering his eyes and also they connect to the internet and you can order pizza with them

[OC boyfriends post]

#OCBFEU #genuinely the little universe we built for them is so good it’s so cozy to think about #and angsty! in a fun way #asks #batfam

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33max · 10 months

Text

Day Eight, Multiple Orgasms - Summer of Cum 🤍

Daniel can’t even remember the joke now. It wasn’t particularly funny. Just some quip about how unfair it is that women can have multiple orgasms and Daniel is one and done for like… at least half an hour between.

They’re in a bar, the team celebrating their joint podium, Max tucked up close beside him because they can barely hear each other over the beat of the music. It’s some upbeat chart song that he knows for a fact Max has zero interest in.

“What do you mean?” Max blinks up at him. Daniel can tell he’s a little drunk, his big blue eyes red-rimmed and a little unfocused.

It’s never funny when you have to explain the joke, and honestly, he has to explain things to Max a little too often. It might be the language barrier, it might be that his nineteen-year-old teammate is a little naïve and inexperienced with… certain things. But it’s not Daniel’s responsibility to explain the wonders of the female orgasm.

“Have you never made a woman come like that, Maxy?” Daniel laughs. Not unkindly, but Max’s brow furrows anyway.

“I don’t- That is not what I meant,” Max grumbles, “can you not?”

“Can I not what?”

“Have multiple orgasms?” Max asks, like Daniel is being deliberately facetious. He’s so close to Daniel now that he can make out the pores on Max’s nose and the small pimples on his forehead. Teenage skin, Daniel doesn’t miss it at all.

Daniel blinks back at him. “Can you?”

“Yeah, of course I can,” Max says proudly. Maybe even verging on smug.

Well. Jesus Christ. Daniel’s mouth suddenly feels a little too dry as he desperately tries to banish the mental image Max is painting in his mind.

“How?” Daniel hears his mouth ask before his brain can stop it.

The next thing he knows Max is explaining in detail, with rapid demonstrative hand movements, exactly how he can give himself multiple orgasms. There are a few key things that Daniel’s brain starts tripping over during Max’s explanation.

Firstly, Max uses a dildo.

And secondly, he’s only ever done this by himself.

He can see it so clearly in his head, Max writhing on the bed and fucking a large realistic dildo into himself. Or Max backing up onto a fake cock suctioned onto the shower wall. Or Max squatting down and riding it. His brain is cycling through all of the possibilities, each one driving him a little further towards full boner for his teammate.

Fuck.

“Daniel?” Max asks when he’s clearly been unresponsive for a little too long.

Daniel gives his own thigh a quick pinch and tries to concentrate on anything other than the details Max just dropped on him.

“You should try it, Daniel. The feeling is of course a little different to a normal orgasm but it is more satisfying I think to come like that,” Max waffles on like he’s in a post-qualifying debrief.

Uh-huh, Daniel nods along, waiting for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. It would be easier to stop thinking about his nineteen-year-old teammate having multiple orgasms if his nineteen-year-old teammate would shut the fuck up. But he doesn’t. He seems totally unaware of Daniel’s ongoing crisis.

“Maybe you would like to watch sometime?” Max says.

Daniel knocks his beer bottle over.

#writing #summerofcum2023 #im a day behind so I'm trying to catch up!!!!!

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absolutebl · 1 year

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This Week in BL - solid showing

Jan 20232 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My School President (Fri YT) 7 of 12 - Tinn flirting using a periodic table is such a simp. I can’t with this boy. This ep made me laugh so flipping hard. Who let my BL be this wholesome and funny? GMMTV you tricksters, you. I’m sorry to say that even the catfishing part made me laugh. What a wonderful show.

Never Let Me Go (Tues YT) 6 of 12 - I loved the part where Pawin speaks multiple languages: English Thai, and Mandarin. Pawin is good! Lovely diction. I like the discussion over The Kiss and I liked how clear N is about who he is and what he wants. P is the opposite, doesn’t really know what he wants, and wouldn’t know how to express himself even if he did. Yet they are still somehow sweet with each other. Pond is so cute when he smiles.

Between Us (Sun iQIYI) 10 of 12 - I gotta say that this level of miscommunication at this point in the drama is merely ep 11 bullshit manipulation. And it is annoying. Even though i know the story has no other vehicle to drive crisis at this point in the show, I’m not happy about it. Dare I say this BL is a touch disappointing? Well, if I don’t say it, who will? WATCH ALONG HERE.

609 Bedtime Story (Fri WeTV) 9 of 11 - OhmFluke are always good, but because of the cheating thread I find it really hard to support this couple. I liked the “who done it” twist. I did see it coming, but I watch too much TV. I love GamesVee but Vee’s hair is truly terrible.

Cutie Pie 2 You (special) 3 of 4 - Disastrous sun glasses, Zee. TutorYim did an awesome job on their sexitimes. I admit to being worried, I was a little scared they couldn’t carry physical intimacy off (holding down 3 series this year). But they did good job. Although, Nuer, if your boy is that twitchy and ticklish? Strap him down and bite. Hard. Presumably he’s not called Syn for nothing.

I Will Knock You (Fri Gaga) 10 of 12 - Just too much blushing maiden for me to stand. And Noey’s odd blinking thing? What is with that?

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

The New Employee (Korea Weds Viki) 5 of 8 - Backstory of the pen is explained, and daddy forces a conversation about it, which I LOVE. I thought his first reaction was a bit harsh, but I’m on his side. Get over your college crush, baby. Pay attention to the guy that’s in front of you. Also cat fucking things up more = classic. The guy walking by in the street who called them “cute” for a hug is my hero. I love this show so much.

HIStory 5: Love in the Future (Taiwan Weds Viki) 4 of 10 (or 7&8 of 20) - Rich boy getting jelly. Jonny getting savvy. Boys holding hands and falling asleep together after an earthquake is cute. Office sides = best couple on air right now. I love how Vincent just casually cuts up his food and gives it to his baby boy. Tony remains evil and manipulative but hot, I shall call him: Pouty McHotterton

Candy Color Paradox AKA Ameiro Paradox (Japan Fri Gaga) 5 of 8 - I think they made a mistake of putting Izuka Kenta into this one. He’s so good everyone else‘s performances look weak by comparison.

Individual Circumstances (Korea Thurs Viki) 8 eps - A reunion romance between a movie director who was once promising and a writer who disappeared due to past wounds. Stars JunQ (main rapper of 2nd gen group MYNAME) and Han Jung Wan (Mr International Korea winner). I like this more than I thought I would (reunion romances are not my thing) mostly because of the bratty director character. Using a guitar to torture someone is entirely appropriate, in my book/BL world it happens all the damn time. It’s an interesting promise, I do want to know what happened in the past. The bike is silly.

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

GMMTV’s Midnight series - first segment has begun bit it’s not the EarthMix messy gays. I’m so not interested in messy hets, so I’m waiting until they grace my screen. Moonlight Chicken (Weds YT) 1 of 8 eventually.

Gossip

Be On Cloud (the KinnPorsche people) announced its 2023 line up. Descriptions and discussion here.

In Case You Missed It

The Star Always Follow You (Vietnam YT) ended amorphously so yeah not my thing.

I posted a meta of all my 2022 wraps, top picks, industry stats, etc..

I ALSO posted the 2023 forthcoming BL master post. (see comments some are inaccurate)

Next Week Looks Like This:

Frigay is BACK with a vengeance. Honestly, I like this line up. This is about the number I can handle in a week.

Still (supposedly) to come in January:

The End Of The World, With You

Hit Bite Love

Luminous

Nilundon

Time the series

BL Fashion Hall of Shame

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

They are my children. MUST PROTECT.

World’s best wingman.

What did I say about biting? Tinn gets it.

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? And this week my OG bias has a single, two actually, but the comeback isn’t good, so I’m opting for: Letter from Park Jinyoung (GOT7). If you listen you’ll understand why I also love Leo so much. Honey voices are my weakness.

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cevansbrat0007 · 2 years

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Late Night Revelations

Summary:You and your husband had never really discussed children, not after what happened with his son, Jacob. But when you find out you’re pregnant, you realize that you don’t really have a choice. Andy Barber x Black Reader

*Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Daddy Kink, Nervous Reader, Confident Reader, Angry Andy, Scared Andy, Spanking (mentioned), Mentions of Grief, Pregnancy Reveal, Happiness, Smut (implied), Minors DNI

A/N: Part of my ongoing Growing Pains Series. As always, I’d love your feedback, so please let me know what you think. Semi-proofread. Not beta’d. All mistakes are my own.

---

You were parked in front of CVS sitting in your car, staring down at your phone. Andy was calling. Again. You let it go to voicemail.

Andy Bear: Y/N, this isn’t funny. Where the fuck are you?

Andy Bear: Why aren’t you answering?

It was after 10:00pm and your husband was understandably very worried. But you weren’t ready to talk to him yet. You didn’t know what to say. Your gaze strays over to the bag resting on your passenger seat. And then your hand goes to your belly.

In that bag were seven tests. All different brands. Because you had wanted to be sure. And they all said the same thing.

Pregnant. You were pregnant. And you didn’t know how to feel about that particular revelation.

Ugh! Andy, not now! You think when you see his name appear for the umpteenth time. I’m having a crisis! So you shoot your husband a quick text.

You: I’ll be home soon. I promise.

Andy Bear: I need you to answer your damn phone and tell me where you are. Now.

You shake your head and do something Andy hates. You turn off your phone. Putting the car in drive you peel out of the lot and head over to a little diner that you like, in need of a burger and fries. But mostly, you needed to think.

You didn’t know how Andy was going to react to this news. Even though you loved each other to distraction, the two of you had never really discussed having children. You knew he’d lost a child before, so the real question was whether or not he’d be willing to try his hand at doing this all over again. He didn’t mention Jacob often, but when he did there was a sadness that crept over him…so you had always skirted around the issue.

And that had been a mistake.

Your hand goes to your belly again. It was too soon for you to feel your little jellybean move, but you could’ve sworn that you felt a flutter. And that’s when you knew that you would do this. You could do this, with or without the man you loved.

It would be hard, and it would break your heart if Andy wasn’t on board with your pregnancy. But you also wouldn’t try to force him to do something that was too painful for him. And you also knew that you would sacrifice anything for your child. Even love.

You take your time at the diner as you nibble on your food. If you knew your husband, and you did, you were pretty sure he was livid right now. You were for sure in for it when you got home. With a sigh, you pay your check and leave.

It was time to go home and face the music. And by music, you meant an irate Andy Barber.

—

The moment you pull into the garage the door to the house is violently wrenched open. A disheveled Andy stands in the entryway. His tie is undone, his shirt is untucked, and his hair is all mussed. You can tell he’s been panicking. Your poor man.

You make sure to grab your purse and CVS bag before exiting your vehicle, still not sure of what you were going to say.

“It is 11:15pm.” He growls. “Where the hell have you been? And why the fuck did you turn off your phone?”

“Driving around.” You mumble with a shrug as you try to brush past him. He grabs your arm, jerking you backwards.

“Who the fuck were you with?” He scrubs a large hand over his bearded face.

“No one, Andrew. Now please let me go.” To your surprise he does.

“I’m going to ask you again.” Andy snarls at your back as you make your way into the kitchen. “Who the fuck were you with? I know it wasn’t Sarah, or Rachel, or Nicole, or Michelle. Because I called them. And you weren’t at Jenna and Marshall’s place, because I called them too. So I’m going to need you to start fucking talking before I lose my mind even more than I already have!” His chest is heaving, his angry breaths coming in quick, hot bursts.

“I was alone, honey.” You tell him as you clutch the drugstore bag to your chest.

“You were alone this whole time? Right.” He snorts. “What’s his name?”

Fuck. Okay. You think as you try to cling to your very fragile little bit of patience. If the roles were reversed maybe you would be thinking along those same ridiculous lines.

“Will you tell me his name if I promise not to kill him?” His fist slams down on the table. “Fuck, I can’t keep that promise.” He mutters. Guess it’s nice to know that your man was willing to go to prison over you. Maybe.

“Andy, sweetheart, if you just give me a moment to compose myself I will explain. Alright?” He crosses his arms as he stares you down with murderous intent in his eyes.

“Divorce isn’t an option, Y/N. Whatever’s wrong, we can work it out.” He hisses, making you roll your eyes. “Roll your fucking eyes again and see what happens. As soon as I calm down, I’m going to fire that ass up. Do you hear me?” You gulp at his words

“I would never cheat on you. I get that you’re worried. And angry.” Andy’s right palm twitches. That was his spanking hand. “Okay, very angry.”

He moves towards you. His hands go to your much smaller biceps and he gives you a light shake. “Do you know how worried I’ve been? How scared I was? You ignored my texts, my calls. You shoot me a vague message saying “be home soon” and then turn off your phone. You do not fucking do that, baby. I am fucking pissed right now.”

“Andy, I understand. And I’m sorry. But I just needed to think. And I needed to do it alone.”

“You needed to think?” He growls as he shakes you again. “Do you know how many rooms we have in this house? You mean to tell me that you couldn’t have done all of your so-called thinking here? At home. Where I know you’re safe?”

“No, honey, I couldn’t. Because I had some very important decisions to make.”

“Divorce isn’t -”

“Hopefully it’s not.” Andy’s eyes flare at your words. There’s a wild look in his stormy blue eyes. “But hold that thought for a moment, okay?” Without further ado, you thrust the bag you’ve been clutching against his broad chest. “Look inside.”

Your bottom lip begins to quiver as he opens the bag. You watch with bated breath as he pulls out the first test.

“Two lines.” He murmurs as he pulls out another one. “Two lines.” He says again. “Two lines.”

“Yes, Andy. Two lines. I’m sorry this isn’t more romantic but -”

“You’re pregnant.” He finishes for you. “Where’d you take these?”

“In a dimly lit CVS bathroom.” You whisper. You watch in horror as your big man backs away from you and slowly sinks to the floor, resting his head against the wall.

“You’re pregnant. With my baby.”

“Yes, your baby. You even attempt to question that and I will slug you in the damned jaw.” You adored him, but he had better not even go there.

Your husband buries his face in his hands as he struggles to get his breathing under control. And then you hear what sounds like a muffled sob. Oh no.

“Andy…I know…with what happened…ahh shit. If you can’t do this, or if you don’t want to…if it’s too much, part of me understands. I won’t force you. But I want this baby, okay?”

He looks up at you with tears in his eyes. “Tonight I thought you were with someone else. I thought you wanted to leave me. And then you give me this?” He waves a test in the air. “You come to me with a fucking gift? Giving me another goddamned chance to do this, and do it right?”

“Oh, baby…oh honey.” You drop to your knees in front of him and wrap your arms around him.”You didn’t do anything wrong the first go-round. Sometimes life is just a bitch, baby. And unfortunately, you got the shitty end of the stick. But you didn’t deserve that. And neither did Jacob.” Andy softly sobs into your shoulder.

“You and I are about to start a brand new adventure together.” You gingerly rub his back, trying to soothe him. “Do you want that?”

“More than anything.” His arms go around you, practically squeezing the breath from your body. “More than words can say. You’re really gonna make me a Daddy again?”

“I’m going to do my best.” You pull away, using your sleeve to wipe at his tears. Sweet man. “But Andy, you never stopped being a Daddy. You’ll always be Jacob’s father. And maybe we should talk about him more. And on top of that, you’re my Daddy. Two different things, I know. But I need you. And this little jellybean that is apparently growing in my belly needs you too.”

“I’m gonna be here, baby. For everything. Every moment, every ultrasound, every fucking craving. Whatever you want, you get.” He vehemently swears before he kisses your lips, letting his tongue mingle with yours. “God, I fucking love the shit out of you. I’m sorry I accused you of cheating. I was scared, baby. And, on some level, I get why you were scared too.”

You sniffle, kissing him again. “But young lady, I really wish you would have brought those tests home and taken them here. I would have waited with you. I hate that you thought you had to do it alone.” Suddenly he’s on top of you, pinning you to the floor.

“You’re not alone with me, baby. Ever. What did I tell you that one time you faced down that racist asshole, Jeffries, without me?”

Your hands go to his ass, giving it a playful squeeze. “That we are forever partners. And we are. But Andy, I’m scared.”

“I’m scared too, Y/N. But we’ve got this, I know we do. We’re going to have a baby, a fucking baby who is fierce and smart and strong…just like his or her Mama.” He kisses your nose.

You sniffle again. “I hope he or she is like you, Andy. Strong and calculating and dynamic…just like their Daddy.”

“They’re going to be a combination of both of us, sweetheart.” He breathes out a heavy sigh. “God help the world.”

“They’re doomed.” You whisper as you capture his mouth again. “Our baby is going to set this world on fire.” You stroke your hand through his tawny locks. “I need you, Andy. I need you to take me. Make love to me. Please.” He nibbles at your neck.

“I need to fuck me before I get fat and start to waddle.” Now that makes him laugh.

“I cannot fucking wait until you start to waddle. Oh my god, we need to schedule a doctor’s appointment for you. We need to make sure everything’s okay with you and the baby. You need vitamins. And no more coffee, or sushi, or -”

You cover his mouth with your hand. “Andy. Slow down, big guy. We’ll get to all that, okay? What matters right now is that I love you. Desperately.”

“I love you two, my sweet, sweet baby girl.” Your husband responds in earnest.

“Good.” You tickle his ears. “But right now, I’m desperate for you to fuck me. Right here. Right now.”

“Like I said. What my girl wants, she gets.” He murmurs as he begins tearing at your clothes.

“I’m going to give you and our baby the world. You have my word. Now lay back and enjoy how I fuck my sweet little pussy.”

“Yes, Daddy.” Your purr.

“That’s my good girl.”

END

#Chris Evans #andy barber #chris evans smut #andy barber smut #chris evans x black!reader #andy barber black reader #chris evans woc!reader #andy barber x woc!reader #chris evans imagines #andy barber imagines #chris evans fanfiction #andy barber x black reader #andy barber fanfiction #Cevansbrat0007 fic #growing pains

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willow-lark · 2 years

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lark’s top 10 byler fics of all time

(in no particular order. gosh making rec lists is fun, why didn’t i do this sooner?)

you for me by fudgecakez (T, 1/1, 17k) - mike & max friendship, angry byler confessions/byler finally forcing each other to confront their feelings, plus excellent mike wheeler characterization. what’s not to love?

things lost, buried, and found again. by iwannabeyourpoetry (M, 3/16, 16k+, ongoing) - after lonnie dies in 1993, will returns to hawkins after not speaking to the party in years. mike is pissed off that will wasn’t planning on reconnecting with the party, and will thinks that mike hates his guts. cue drama, arguing, and lots and lots of angst. this fic has me on the edge of my seat!

More Than Anything by starsandwristrockets (T, 3/?, 11k+, ongoing) - in 1989, will byers, attending NYU, runs into mike wheeler, attending columbia. they haven’t spoken in years. meanwhile, in 1985, will adjusts to life in west virginia. fic started after s3, not s4 compliant. i am OBSESSED with this premise!! i literally think about this fic every day, it gives me life.

a dream always the same by @sevensided (T, 35/35, 99k) - a classic. basically, mike wheeler comes of age and comes to terms with his love for will in the four months post-starcourt. this fic is a complete masterpiece. EVERYONE needs to read it.

help me hold onto you by @scorchstorm (G, 1/1, 17k) - i think this is probably in my top 10 fics of all time, not just pertaining to byler. holy shit. when i write mike wheeler, this is the characterization i strive for. he’s jealous. he’s a little mean. he’s completely in love with will. this fic also has BEAUTIFUL prose. i love it.

Twizzlers by @serendipitous-magic (G, 1/1, 1.1k) - mike gets dared to kiss will during truth-or-dare with the party. this fic is super super cute!!

dream a little dream of me by FreeSamPles (T, 3.2k, 1/1) - mike and will have to share a bed in a motel while on the road with jonathan and argyle. cue love confessions!!! since this was written pre-s4, i think it’s funny that ‘dream a little dream of me’ ended up being a central song used in s4!

Parking Lot by @willelbyers (G, 1/1, 1.6k) - mike and will get engaged in a gas station parking lot during a road trip with the party. written pre-s2. GOD i love this one.

Mike Wheeler and the Laws of Motion by @their-we-go (T, 4/4, 8.5k) - will comes out to the party. mike goes into crisis. this is another must-read for any byler shippers! it’s so realistic and i love the writing style.

what a goddamn kiss to think about by zadurn (T, 1/1, 5k) - mike gets drunk at a party, and he really wants to kiss will. will says no, because he thinks that mike just wants to because he’s drunk. they talk about it in the morning. super cute, love love love!!

(*edited 22 aug bc i realized the @/s weren’t working)

#byler #fic recs #byler fanfiction #stranger things #posts of lark

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minecraftrelatedrandomness · 5 months

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my pirates death predictions tier list as of 4 dec 2023 lore (6 days until the end)

explanations under the cut

survival predictions

p!shelby survives purely on the basis of having skipped town offscreen. it would kinda be funny to me. if not that, she's a 50/50.

p!acho's chances are either dying in the kishi quest (for personal lore reasons) or in conjunction with p!scott (for familial lore reasons). with the current theory discussed on the powcreations discord (if both p!acho and p!apo survive the last lore stream, they end up on kishi island which they might have passed on their way to the ice wall), i personally doubt p!apo is gonna die.

i feel that to give p!apo a satisfactory ending, he's gonna have to have at least one more lore stream to tie up the loose ends. ESPECIALLY the alphie-related backstory and to have a satisfactory conclusion to the character arc. if p!acho dies in the kishi quest, p!apo is gonna survive.

i want p!el to have a happy resolution to her identity crisis. p!jojo is just there for vibes but at this point, "kill the cutie" could be in order for her.

either/or predictions

most of the 50/50 people aren't very active on the server and i jokingly call them cannon fodder bc of this; the rest are based purely on how much character lore they have (not much). p!water is there mainly because of the whole jeffery ordeal and i dunno if she's gonna live as a widow or join her hubby-that-could-have-been in the afterlife.

p!will and p!shep have upcoming lore tomorrow/day after (time zones are weird). p!shep is PROBABLY gonna survive it, given he's said on discord he'll livestream the finale, but i don't know if he'll make it PAST the finale.

p!graecie's chances of survival depend on the isles because her arc kinda ties into the nightingale faction leader thing. if the isles go down in the finale, she'll go down with them. if the isles make it out of the finale still standing, p!graecie MIGHT survive to grow as a leader in the in-universe future, but she might also die. if she dies, either p!acho or p!apo is gonna be left in charge, partially bc it would be funny but also partially for arc reasons.

p!owen skipped town back on nov 18 and i have no way of knowing if he's gonna live or die and i ain't gonna guesstimate that.

death predictions

with cc!scott dropping ominous lore hints in his most recent livestream (dec 3), P!SCOTT IS ALMOST DEFINITELY GOING TO DIE. probably to the cult, his parents (derog), or his own mental health issues, since those seem to be the biggest ongoing storylines for his character.

i've always envisioned p!michela to be on the chopping block ever since p!aimsey went missing due to entwined lore. but it's hard to say she's 99% gonna die when she has barely logged on in a long while, so yeah.

the only reason i put p!kuervo in 80% is because as a (fellow) totalitarian autocracy survivor, i want to hold out hope. but realistically speaking, with the stunt he pulled with the letter to the armada, he's more likely than not to end up executed. ESPECIALLY with the ending of his most recent livestream (dec 2). and also nov 18 ending.

i haven't watched p!kyle's most recent lore (nov 17) so this is based purely on vibes (legacy, what is a legacy) from what i know about that lore stream.

p!saus because evil sword lore. p!ros just has the "kill the cutie" vibes. also hunter (powcreations discord) predicts p!ros is gonna die in the process of trying to stop p!saus from turning full evil and i honestly think that tracks, esp since mufasa is out of the equation now (as of oct 30).

p!martyn is a weird case of "dying in the pirates universe and returning to the datastream". so he technically will die but also doesn't. i think it's the villain arc spurring me into this decision.

#pirates smp ensemble #pirates smp theory #pirates smp #my post #isleposting #scurvyblr #pirates smp spoilers

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