#(rewrites the same thing as my last blurb | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

laurenairay · 1 month

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Summer days pass me by - T. Jost

“I feel like I’m stuck, doing the same thing over and over with the same nothing at the end. I need to do something new. Wanna help me make this the best summer ever?”

“You do know that sounds like the start of a coming of age film, right?”

Summary: Mollie Thomas has been friends with Tyson Jost since they were children – but this summer by the lake could change everything.

Warnings: childhood friends to lovers, some bad language, a little angst

Word Count: 9.5k

A/N: I love Tyson Jost so much – this is a super indulgent fic that I started back in August 2020, and it’s been one hell of a journey writing it, including a complete rewrite about 2/3 through. This OC was actually the first one I ever attempted on hockeyblr, although I’ve since written a fair few in stories I've since posted over the years, and she holds a special place in my heart.

This Tyson blurb I wrote in July 2022 is what inspired me to rewrite this story (and thank you @bqstqnbruin for all the encouragement to finish it!).

If there was one thing about summer that Mollie Thomas loved the most, it was being by the lake. As soon as the weather was good enough, she would head up there with friends to relax, have barbecues and mess around on the water. Being by the lake simply was the epitome of summer, sunshine and friendship – she’d grown up doing it, her parents trusting her to go alone since the age of 15, and now 10 years later (despite some friends moving away), she still loved nothing more than watching the days roll on by from the lakeshore.

Utter bliss.

Mollie had been teaching history at the local Kelowna high school ever since graduating from the local college three years ago, and when the weather started getting consistently sunny, she even went up to the lake some evenings after work, depending on who was around. But now that the end of the school year was approaching, she would no longer be restricted to the occasional evening after work, and she honestly couldn’t wait.

Why? Because soon one of her best friends would be coming back to Kelowna for the summer. Tyson Jost.

Mollie had known Tyson ever since he’d moved to Kelowna to live with his grandparents when he was 13, his family's house being down the road from Mollie’s family. Her older brother John had been on the same hockey team as Tyson, so he’d always been around – but with John being a couple of years older than them, Tyson and Mollie had become fast friends.

Sure, things had become harder when Tyson had gotten more serious with ice hockey. When Mollie’s brother John had quit playing, choosing to focus on school instead, Mollie had been worried that they wouldn’t want to hang out any more – but that wasn’t the case. Hockey or no hockey, Tyson had always been there for her, and she knew she could count on him for anything.

He was the guy that encouraged her to get out of her comfort zone. He was the guy that turned to her for help asking out his first girlfriend Sarah Cooper. He was the guy that punched her first boyfriend for kissing Jenny Prince behind her back. He was the guy that made her laugh down the phone when college had been stressful. He was the only guy that she would wear another team’s colours for whenever he played against the Canucks. He was the guy that called her with a broken heart when the Avs had traded him. He was the guy that she looked forward to seeing most every summer, and she couldn’t wait to see him this year.

She missed him – who could blame her?

It was a Sunday afternoon, just about to head into the last week of the school year, and Mollie was soaking up the sun by the lake with some of her best friends; Bryony, Louis, Michael, Chase and Allison. There had been other people hanging out with them in the morning, including Mollie’s brother John and his wife Michelle, but the remaining six were the tightest group. So tight, that they’d all chipped in to rent a cottage together this summer, Allison’s uncle owning a couple in the area and offering them first dibs. Naturally, they’d all sprung at the chance of having a summer home base, even if not all of them were there all the time, so Mollie had that to look forward to starting next weekend, the moment that the school year ended. Bryony, Louis and Michael were also teachers, although across various different schools to Mollie, so at least she wouldn’t be the only one up at the cottage during the weekdays.

“Anyone for a refill?”

Mollie turned her head to the camping chair next to her, watching Bryony stand up and wiggle her empty can in the air. Mollie nodded, smiling at her friend, and a few others nodded too. As soon as Bryony walked away, Allison plunked down in the vacated seat, turning to Mollie with a grin.

Allison was probably Mollie’s closest girlfriend in Kelowna – also living on the same street as Mollie’s family – and while the two of them couldn’t have looked more different (Allison a curvaceous insta-airbushed blonde compared to Mollie’s chestnut hair and tomboy runner’s body), Allison had encouraged Mollie to be as confident and friendly as her, and Mollie was forever grateful. Sure, Allison was an incorrigible flirt and flitted between jobs, and sure Mollie had her moments where her anxiety got the better of her – but Allison was as close a friend to her as Tyson was, and Mollie loved that.

Even when Allison’s grin spelled troublemaker, like it did right now as Allison got comfy in Bryony’s vacated chair.

“So you know how my Uncle’s got me helping out with administration for his holiday home rentals this summer, in exchange for us getting our cottage for a lower price?” Allison prompted.

Mollie raised an eyebrow at the glee in her friend’s voice. Whatever it was, clearly she was excited about it – and considering that the cottage had been a good deal, clearly this was good gossip.

“Yeah, I remember…why?” Mollie mused.

“Well, a couple of cottages on this side of the lake have been rented…one of them by someone you know very well…”

Mollie knew her friend meant well, but this cryptic stuff was not helping.

“Out with it, Ally,” Mollie said bluntly.

“Tyson rented the cottage closest to ours for two months,” Allison grinned.

What?

Holy shit.

“He’s going to be here all summer?” Mollie asked, excited.

“Yep! As far as I’ve heard, Tyson’s got some buddies coming up to stay with him at various points, and probably his sister too. I don’t know when or for how long, but there’s definitely enough rooms for all of them in that cabin to be there together so it’s going to be so much fun!” Allison told her, “Now that I think about it, I probably wasn’t meant to tell you. Tyson was probably keeping it as a surprise. Oops.”

Mollie just giggled, too happy to care that Tyson hadn’t said anything to her about his plans. It had been too long since she’d seen her childhood friend – summers just weren’t enough time with him – and knowing that he was going to be around for two solid months just made her heart soar. This was everything.

“Oh man, this is going to be the best summer,” Mollie sighed happily.

“Maybe this summer you and Tyson will finally admit how much you love each other.”

Mollie rolled her eyes, shaking her head. For some reason, Allison (and the rest of their other friends) had it in their heads that her friendship with Tyson was more than platonic. Sometimes it got really annoying because honestly nothing had ever happened between them (not even a hint of an almost) but she tried not to let it bug her. She knew where she stood with Tyson – yeah, he was incredibly handsome, with a good heart and a wonderful smile, but she wouldn’t trade their friendship for anything. Ever.

“We’re just friends, Ally-cat,” Mollie sing-songed, rolling her eyes.

“We’ll see,” Allison sing-songed back.

Honestly. Troublemaker.

Mollie ignored her friend’s laughter as she pulled out her phone, opening up her text thread with Tyson.

From: Mollie

A little birdy tells me you’ve rented a cabin by the lake for the summer…

Mollie barely had to wait a couple of minutes before her phone buzzed with a reply.

From: Tyson

I swear Ally can’t keep her mouth shut.

I was trying to surprise you!

Mollie giggled to herself, ignoring Allison’s wriggling eyebrows.

From: Mollie

Trust me, I’m surprised.

School finishes next week – I can’t wait to see you!

It really had been too long.

“Tell your future husband we miss him!” Allison crowed.

“Oh you’re texting Tyson? Say hi from me!” Chase grinned from across the chair circle.

Mollie stuck her tongue out at him as Allison cackled next to her. Her friends were such dicks sometimes.

From: Mollie

The gang say hi and that they all miss you

“Done, happy?” Mollie said dryly.

“Extremely,” Allison grinned, looking like the cat that ate the canary.

“I don’t know why I like you at all,” Mollie said bluntly, although her smile gave away her lie.

Allison just wriggled her eyebrows again, earning laughter from the whole group and another eye roll from Mollie.

From: Tyson

Hi back from me!

I miss them too

I miss you the most

Mollie’s eyes widened slightly, a light flush warming her cheeks. What? Why was she reacting like this? Tyson said that all the time. Kind of. No, stop it. Mollie swallowed heavily, keeping her eyes down to avoid a reaction from their friends.

From: Mollie

I miss you too

With that, Mollie shoved her phone back into her pocket, just in time for Bryony to arrive with a fresh round of beers, which Mollie was more than grateful for. What was that all about?

“I am so ready for a drink.”

“Make it two,” Mollie mused, grinning at Allison’s words.

“Make it three,” Chase laughed, “I can’t wait to cool off in the lake, it’s too damn hot today.”

That was an understatement. The temperature was sweltering and even just thinking about jumping into the cold water was almost too much to bear. Mollie been waiting all week for this Friday evening – while the four of them who were teachers had been up at the lake during the week every day since their schools finished for the summer a week ago, Allison and Chase had weekday 9-5s, so Mollie had volunteered to drive back into town to bring them out for the weekend, finally bringing their big friendship group together in their rented cabin for the summer. Of course Mollie had visited her family (with her brother John and his wife Michelle reminding her they wouldn’t be up at the lake until next week) to fill the time while she waited for Allison and Chase to be ready, as well as stocking up on supplies, but now Mollie was more than ready to kick back and relax.

After she’d been in the water, of course.

Thankfully Mollie had put a bikini on underneath her clothes, just a simple little red thing, before picking up her friends today, so as soon as she’d parked outside their cabin, brought the cooler of drinks and snacks into the kitchen, and dumped her duffel bag by the stairs, she stripped off her clothes as she walked towards the tempting water. Bryony wolf-whistled as Mollie walked past the three who were already there, and Mollie just flipped them all off with a grin, kicking off her shoes quickly before taking off in a run down the dock and diving into the water.

Bliss.

Allison and Chase, both having stripped down to their swimsuits too, wasted no time in joining Mollie in the water, and all Mollie could do was smile as she resurfaced. This was summer. All of them together in glorious weather at the most beautiful place in Kelowna. What more could she ever want?

“LOOK WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN!”

Mollie turned her head at Michael’s hollering, grinning at the sight of the familiar figure walked over from the neighbouring cabin. Tyson. Mollie eagerly hauled herself back up onto the dock, slipping back into her shoes and picking up a towel from the stack at the beginning of the dock to dry herself off with as she walked back to the cabins, waving hello as she got closer.

“There you are.”

Mollie just grinned and threw her arms around Tyson’s neck, him just laughing as he picked her up, swinging her round in a circle, not seeming to care that she was getting him wet.

“You’d think you were happy to see me or something,” Tyson teased, setting her back on her feet.

“Oh hush, you know I am,” Mollie sighed happily, running the towel over her wet hair, “Are you happy to be back here?”

“You know it,” he nodded, smiling sweetly at her, “even more so knowing that I’m nowhere near Buffalo and that you’re here.”

Well Mollie would never say no to a bit of Tyson charm.

“Flattery gets you everywhere, Mr Jost,” she mused, trying to calm her racing heart.

It wasn’t fair that nothing about him had changed at all and yet somehow his pretty curls and pretty face were even more handsome since she’d last seen him. So unfair.

“HEY LOVEBIRDS!”

A shout from Bryony broke Mollie out of her thoughts, and she saw Tyson blush fiercely as they both looked at the group by the chairs to see them all smirking at the two of them. And to think it was usually Allison who was the troublemaker. Mollie just flipped them all double birds, earning laughter.

“We’d better go before people start talking eh?” she laughed, trying to hide her blush.

“Let them talk,” Tyson grinned, but starting walking over to the ring of chairs anyway.

It wasn’t fair that her stomach filled with butterflies at the simple sight of his smile.

As Louis handed Mollie a cold white claw, Tyson already having one in hand, she took the empty seat at Tyson’s side. By the time that Allison and Chase hauled themselves out the water to join the group, they were all well on their way to catching up.

They talked about Bryony and Louis still being together, their relationship going on 5 years strong. They talked about Allison losing another job, her uncle having taken pity on her and letting her do his administration for the summer cabins he owned. They talked about the school year, how parents and kids were a stressful nightmare most days now. They talked about Tyson’s season, sort of, Tyson just saying that he was happy to be back up from the AHL. They talked about Tyson’s sister Kacey, how she was kicking ass and taking names. They talked about Chase’s hard-earned promotion at work, finally getting the recognition he deserved. They talked about all the plans they had for the next two months here at the lake and the more they talked and drank and laughed, Mollie just sank back in her chair, taking everything in, soaking everything up.

This really was heaven.

Tyson noticed her relax back in her chair and just smiled at her, earning a genuine smile back. Yeah this was going to be a summer to remember, she could feel it.

Another couple of days passed at the lake cabin, Chase and Allison heading back into town while Tyson stayed at his place, and Mollie couldn’t be happier. Happy enough to make breakfast pancakes and bacon for Bryony, Louis and Michael after she showered following her early run around the lake, leaving it all in the oven for them with a note while she cleared up. Breakfast she could handle – it was the little things. She knew her friends would appreciate it anyway.

As she was taking out the trash though, she spotted Tyson doing exactly the same from his cabin, and waved enthusiastically at him, grinning as he laughed. He was clearly still adjusting to waking up early, same as she was – he still looked a little bleary eyed as they walked towards the end of their driveways.

“Good morning Tys!” she said cheerfully.

“Morning!” he mused.

She jogged over to him, Tyson catching her in a hug as she reached his side, making her laugh and squeeze him back tightly. Mornings like this were exactly what she had missed while he was away. As she pulled away though, her phone buzzed with a series of texts, and she pulled out her phone only to frown at the sender. Her ex. Ew. He really wasn’t getting the hint.

“Who’s making your face do that?”

Mollie cursed under her breath and tucked her phone away with.

“It’s no-one,” she said simply, willing him to let it go.

“No-one doesn’t make you grimace like that,” Tyson pointed out, “And it doesn’t make you hide it from me. So who is it?”

She really couldn’t pretend around him, could she? And it wasn’t like he hadn’t heard about her terrible ex boyfriends before.

“It’s my ex. Justin. It’s been six months since I caught him texting other girls with all the things he wanted to do to them, and while I don’t know if he physically cheated, I still kicked him to the curb the moment I found out. Every now and again he blows up my phone, even though I never answer him,” Mollie explained, “His mom even knows and yells at him for bugging me. He’ll get bored soon enough.”

Yeah, this latest ex wasn’t exactly one of her finest choices.

The deep frown that shifted onto Tyson’ face was an interesting reaction though.

“If he doesn’t leave you alone, tell me. I still know enough people in this town, and I can hunt him down and punch him if he doesn’t back off.”

A rush of heat went through her veins at his words, a flush spreading across her cheeks.

There was a flashback in her mind to when they were 15, when Tyson found out that her first boyfriend Todd kissed Jenny Prince behind her back, and sucker-punched him at school in her honour. It was a beautiful memory. And to know that he’d still defend her like that?

“You always were my knight in shining armour,” Mollie teased.

But Tyson just shrugged. “You know I’ve got your back no matter what. That’s what best friends are for.”

Such a sweetheart.

Something about his tone though, how seriously he’d taken her words, made Mollie keep her eye on Tyson throughout the day, and by the time that late afternoon rolled around when their barbecue was in full swing, she finally cornered him again. There was just something in his eyes that looked…tense. It wasn’t the Tyson she knew and it worried her that even in the most relaxing place in Kelowna, he still looked so stressed.

“Hey, Tys, fresh beer?”

Tyson smiled his thanks, taking it with a nod. There was no one else standing too closely so she didn’t feel bad for confronting him like this, not at all.

“So are you going to tell me what’s going on with you?” she said softly.

Tyson’s eyes widened a little, before he huffed out a laugh.

“There’s no point hiding anything with you, is there?”

Just like her with him. But Mollie winced. “If there’s something you don’t actually want to talk about, then I’m not going to push. That’s the last thing I want.”

Tyson just nodded, taking a sip of his beer, as if to steel himself. Clearly this was more than passing worry. What was going on?

“Every summer I’ve ever had has been the same. Arrive back to Kelowna, get sympathy and pitying smiles for how shitty the season was, hanging about by the lake, train, start hockey again. I’m tired of it,” Tyson groaned.

“Tired of it?” she asked, confused, trying to understand what he meant.

Surely he didn’t mean he was tired of hockey? She knew how much the sport meant to him.

“I’m tired, Mollie. I feel like I’m stuck, doing the same thing over and over with the same nothing at the end. I need to do something new or I feel like I’m going to go crazy,” Tyson sighed.

Okay, okay that she could manage.

“It must be so frustrating, pouring your whole heart into the sport you love, and not getting the reward you deserve. And the fact that you still feel like this in the off season? That’s not good, Tys,” Mollie murmured, “What can I do to help?”

He sent her a sad smile.

“I’m not sure, really. If I don’t know what I can do, I don’t know what anyone else can do,” he said softly, “But being here with you right now, talking with you like this, I appreciate it. I don’t exactly trust many people with my full thoughts like this.”

That both saddened her and made her heart soar. The fact that he didn’t really have anyone else he could really talk to was devastating…but the fact that he trusted her enough? That was everything.

“Then we can talk and vent and rant and scream as much as you need. And we’ll build your happiness back up, just like you deserve. I’m here for you, Tyson,” she said firmly.

“Yeah?”

That smile would be the end of her, she just knew it.

“Yeah, I mean it,” she nodded, helpless to do anything but smile back.

“Wanna help me make this the best summer ever?” he grinned.

“You do know that sounds like the start of a coming of age film, right?” Mollie teased.

Tyson nudged her with his shoulder, earning a nudge back.

“Is that a yes?” he asked, hope filling his voice.

“Obviously,” she grinned.

How could she say no to him?

But as she looked into his eyes, there was something in his gaze that made her breath hitch in her chest, her grin sliding from her face. Tyson seemed to be caught in the moment too as his own face drifted into neutral, his eyes locked on hers in return. She didn’t realise how close they had shifted until her fingers brushed against his arm, Tyson’s eyes darting down to where they were touching before he looked back up at her. Her heart was pounding, ears full of a rushing sound, her thoughts filled with nothing but the dazed look on Tyson’s face.

It was when his gaze flicked down to her lips that she jolted out of her reverie, just in time for a couple of shrieks and splashes came from the end of the dock.

Fuck. Fuck.

What was that? What the hell was that?

“Mollie…” Tyson murmured, fingers brushing against hers finally.

“I’m going to get some more food,” she said quickly, stepping backwards.

It took all her strength to turn away from the confused hurt expression on Tyson’s face, and walk over to join Bryony and Louis at the barbecue, plastering a smile on her face as her head whirled, desperately trying not to panic. Tyson had almost kissed her. She had almost kissed Tyson. Tyson wanted to kiss her. She wanted to kiss Tyson. Did she want to kiss Tyson?

Of course she wanted to.

But since when did she give into fleeting desires around him? And since when did he ever look at her like that? No, she couldn’t deal with this. She wouldn’t, not tonight. Maybe not ever. What the hell, Tyson?

Tyson and Mollie didn’t talk about the moment they shared at all. The first two weeks of their two month summer, almost a full week since that fateful night, passed quickly and the longer they went not mentioning it, Mollie found herself burying the topic completely. From Wednesday morning to Friday midday, Mollie, Tyson, Bryony, Louis and Chase all quickly fell into a routine that she knew would carry on for the rest of the summer. Mollie did her usual run along the lake front each morning, with Bryony and Tyson joining her for a yoga session today, the Friday morning. She spent each day cycling through swimming, sunbathing, and reading, all of the group taking it in turns to cook dinner while sorting out their own lunches. She kayaked with Chase and Tyson for a couple of hours before lunch on Thursday, the three of them paddling in a comfortable silence most the way, taking pictures to make their friends jealous of the beautiful views.

And now Bryony and Louis were back from their grocery run for the barbecue tonight, to celebrate Mollie’s brother John and his wife Michelle coming up for the weekend, as well as Tyson’s friends Mat and Dante arriving ahead of their own week’s stay. They’d all met Mat and Dante before, the two of them joining Tyson for a few summer’s now (and Dante joining on his own the year before that started) so Mollie was well prepared for the chaos those two always seemed to bring. At least in comparison to the peace and calm that Tyson’s friend JT brought when he visited (which he would be doing for two weeks after Dante and Mat left).

It was going to be an interesting stretch of time, that was for sure.

After Tyson had gotten his friends settled in, they immediately joined Mollie’s group to chill on the clearing by the dock, relaxing for a few hours before they needed to start prepping for the barbecue tonight. Chase and Allison wouldn’t be joining them until later, and neither would John and Michelle, but that didn’t mean that they couldn’t have fun before then.

“We’ve got snacks and fresh fruit and cold beers, help yourselves,” Michael grinned, waving towards the coolers on the back decking of their cabin.

Mat, Dante, and Tyson saluted, making them all laugh, Tyson carrying over their own crate of beers to add to the coolers too. Mollie just stayed silent, offering Tyson a small smile, to which he sent a hesitant one back. Great. He was still going to be awkward around his friends too. With a quiet sigh, quiet enough that no-one else heard it, she laid back down on her deckchair, eager to let the sun wash away the underlying tension she was desperate to ignore.

Maybe with his friends here, Tyson would get over the awkwardness and they could return to normal. At least, she hoped they could. She didn’t know what she would do if they didn’t.

“So, Mollie looks good, huh?”

“Don’t even think about it Barzy,” Tyson scowled.

Dante and Mat looked at each other only briefly before bursting into laughter.

“We know she’s yours, Josty. Chill,” Dante snickered.

“She’s not mine,” Tyson shot back, narrowing his eyes.

His friends just laughed harder.

“Yeah okay, and you totally weren’t distracted when she was sunbathing in that tiny pink bikini this afternoon, right,” Mat teased.

“I swear, I will throw you in the lake.”

The weekend was…odd, to say the least. Mollie didn’t spend nearly as much time with Tyson as she normally did, mostly because he looked like he didn’t know what to say to her and she didn’t have a clue what to say to him. She got away with it though, having her brother and sister-in-law up at the cabin, and Tyson having his friends to distract him. She had to get over this weirdness. She needed to.

On the Sunday evening, when her brother John and Michelle drove back into town, she followed them back, staying at her apartment for a night ahead of a family dinner their mom had insisted on for the Monday night. It wasn’t a hardship to take a little break from the cabin, using the time to pamper herself with a long bath and a face mask, giving herself the time to refresh. And Monday she spent giving her apartment a giant deep clean, driving all thoughts from her mind until she only had enough time to shower and change before heading over to her parents house.

“Mollie! Baby! Are you eating enough?”

Mollie just rolled her eyes fondly at her mom’s greeting.

“Nice to see you too mom. I brought wine,” she mused, stepping into her childhood home.

“Ooh, I do love a good cabernet, thank you darling. John and Michelle are already here – they’re with your dad in the den,” her mom said cheerfully, “I’m just finishing up in here!”

“I’ll help you, mom. It’s been a while.”

Mollie’s mom just beamed at her, kissing her cheek before wandering back into the kitchen. She followed with a smile on her face, heart bursting with the love that only a mom could cause, her mom especially. Mollie put on the apron that her mom passed her, the two of them chopping vegetables for the salad in a comfortable silence, Mollie just enjoying her mom dancing along to the radio while they worked. True to her word, they didn’t take long to finish preparing everything, and in no time at all, her mom was calling everyone to the table for dinner.

Incredible chicken pot pie, with creamy mash, a variety of greens, and homemade gravy, with a fruit cobbler for dessert. This was exactly what she needed.

What she didn’t need was her brother opening his mouth the moment that they finished eating.

“So mom, has Mollie told you about Tyson yet?”

What the hell?

“No? Is everything okay?” her mom asked, voice full of concern as she turned to look at Mollie.

She kicked her brother under the table but he just smiled sweetly at her. Her older brother was such a child.

“He’s fine mom. A little stressed after the season, but fine,” Mollie said, as calmly as she could.

“I was talking about all the flirting actually,” John said innocently.

“Shut up, John! There hasn’t been any flirting!” she hissed.

He was a dead man. Michelle could move on happily.

“Flirting?” her dad frowned.

“Flirting?!” her mom cried happily.

For fuck’s sake. She needed to nip this in the bud before her mom pulled out her scrapbooks.

“There is no flirting. John is delusional, maybe a touch of heat stroke. You really check that out for him, Michelle,” Mollie said firmly, her sister-in-law just sending her a pitying smile, “Tyson and I don’t flirt with each other.”

“It’s been different this year and you know it,” John shot back.

Michelle elbowed him, but other than a grunt he didn’t react at all, his smirk staying put.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. He’s one of my best friends and you know it,” Mollie scowled.

“Me thinks the lady doth protest too much,” John sing-songed.

“Oh you assho-”

“That’s enough,” their mom interrupted, gaze firm. Mollie snapped her mouth shut, John doing the same. “Johnathan Neil Thomas, cut it out. If Mollie says they’re still just friends, then that’s that.”

Mollie smiled triumphantly, earning an eye roll from her brother.

“And Mollie Eliza Thomas, if there ever is a change between you and Tyson then you know you can be open with us.”

Ugh.

“Mom!” Mollie hissed.

John just threw his head back and cackled, not even flinching at the elbow from his wife this time. How was he 27 years old?

“Alright, alright, I’m stopping,” their mom grinned, “and so is John.”

Seriously. It was bad enough that her head was messed up from whatever the hell had happened at the lake the other day, whatever the hell had been happening since Tyson came back this summer, but she didn’t need her family adding to it too.

“Cheer up buttercup. Whatever happens, happens,” her dad shrugged, smiling.

Mollie didn’t know if that made things better or worse. Sure, John could be doing the opposite, getting defensive and shutting down a ‘potential’ relationship between her and Tyson (not that there was anything) but this wasn’t helping.

“I’m disowning you all,” Mollie grumbled, “not you Michelle. As always, you’re an angel.”

Her brother’s wife just beamed. “If John doesn’t want to sleep on the sofa tonight, he’ll stop.”

What an angel she was indeed.

Her dad tactfully changed the topic to his upcoming fly fishing trip, finally giving Mollie some peace, but she was lost in her head from there on out, Michelle just filling up her wine glass in solidarity. By the time John and Michelle went home, Mollie had drunk a couple of glasses too many to safely drive home, so she crashed in her childhood bedroom, her mom thrilled that she got to fuss over her for another day.

Her dad promised to make her a hearty breakfast.

While she got ready for bed, doing her usual skincare routine after she changed, Mollie finally let herself embrace her thoughts. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, John’s teasing had gotten under her skin.

It’s been different this year and you know it.

Because it had been different this year. This summer had been full of all of this tension that hadn’t been there before that she didn’t know what to do with. This was her and Tyson. If she couldn’t figure out what it all meant to her, then where did that leave them?

Oh.

Oh no.

John was right. He’d been right all along. It was different this year. Everything with Tyson had felt different this year, the flirty teasing, the innocent touches, the way her heart had skipped at his smile. But why? What had changed?

And what could she do about it?

Tyson had never said anything to her about being more than friends in all of their years of knowing each other, not even as a joke in passing. There’d never been a moment like that almost moment before the barbecue the other day. There’d never been anything that had flared Mollie’s feelings into a tailspin like this, but now? Now she didn’t know what to think.

Breathe. Take a moment.

Mollie inhaled shakily, running her trembling hands through her chestnut hair. It was like a dam had burst, her emotions rushing over like a tidal wave, her heart racing and her breathing getting ragged. This had changed everything. How could she not think about Tyson differently now that the floodgates had opened? How could she ignore that he was her everything now that she’d admitted it to herself? What the hell was she supposed to do now?

“Mollie? Is everything alright?”

Mollie snapped out of her thoughts at the sound of her mom’s voice through the door, clearly having seen her light was still on. Damn it. Damn it damn it damn it.

“Yeah mom, just doing some yoga!” Mollie called back, hoping that the lie wasn’t too obvious, that her voice wasn’t too shaky.

“Alright sweetheart, get some rest! I’ll see you in the morning,”

Mollie just squeezed her eyes shut tightly, balling her fists at her sides as she curled up under her duvet. This wasn’t fair. All these years she’d maintained an amazing friendship with Tyson, a constant steadiness that she cherished, but now…could it really stay the same? Could she stay the same, knowing her feelings were actually real, when he didn’t feel the same? Could she pretend to be normal?

Could they even stay friends?

At the lake, unbeknown to Mollie, Tyson was going through his own emotional turmoil, sitting with Dante and Mat in the living area of his cabin.

“What’s going on with you and Mollie?”

“It feels different this year,” was all Tyson could offer to Dante’s question.

“Different…how?” Dante frowned.

Tyson sighed, running a hand over his face, missing the look that his friends exchanged.

“Tys, seriously. You and Mollie have always been so close, and yeah we tease you about it…but has something happened?” Mat said softly.

“I don’t know. There have been some moments. Like, emotionally-charged moments. That first weekend when we first saw each other again, she was wearing this tiny red bikini and she just looked so carefree and beautiful and so goddamn hot that it completely blew past all my defences. I couldn’t help but flirting and she flirted back. Talking to her felt like my heart was clenching and there was something in her eyes that said it wasn’t just me. And the other day at the barbecue, I just…I don’t know. We almost kissed and then she basically ran away,” Tyson said miserably.

Mat laughed softly, making Tyson whine in protest.

“This isn’t funny!”

“Oh it’s kinda funny. Why is it that everyone can see the connection between you two other than you?” Mat mused.

“We’re just friends. That’s all she wants, clearly,” Tyson sighed.

“That’s all she wants? Are you saying that you want more?” Dante asked, grinning.

Tyson just whined again at his friend’s excitement, dropping his head to rest in his hands. He couldn’t deny it, not any more. Not now that things felt so different, so…new. How could he?

“So you’re admitting that you like her. Finally. Are you sure that friendship is all Mollie wants? Have you even said anything?” Mat asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Why would I say anything?!” Tyson yelped, lifting his head up again.

Was Mat crazy?

Both Mat and Dante rolled their eyes. “You literally said that it wasn’t just you that had that emotionally charged moment,” Mat pointed out.

“I know but…”

“If there’s another moment like that, why don’t you just take a chance?” Dante interrupted, before Tyson could spiral into a panic, “if things are stressing you out this much, then maybe she’s feeling the same.”

Tyson bit his bottom lip, contemplating his friend’s words. Could he really do that?

Mat sighed, seeing Tyson’s hesitation. “Look, bud, you never know until you try. The friendship that you and Mollie have is so solid – even if things don’t happen between you two, nothing will change that.”

“I guess you’re right. She wouldn’t be weird about it, even if it is just me with feelings,” Tyson murmured.

Mat frowned, opening his mouth to argue, but Dante just elbowed him in the ribs, making him grunt.

“I don’t think it is just you, but yeah, you really should act on this, before you get too in your head about things. I know it’s scary and I know that you’ve got to take a risk, but I honestly think it’s going to pay off. It’s Mollie, Tys. How can things not?” Dante said warmly.

Mat nodded enthusiastically, making Tyson laugh softly.

“You really think I could take a chance?”

“Absolutely. You’re Tyson fucking Jost – you’ve got this!” Dante grinned.

Tyson smiled weakly, trying to put on a brave face. He wasn’t convinced, not with how much was on the line. Mollie was too important for him to lose. But maybe, just maybe, he could gain even more?

The week went on with Mollie no closer to an answer to what her next steps should be. At least Tyson was a little more relaxed around her, offering her genuine smiles rather than the awkward ones he’d been giving her since their almost moment. On Mat and Dante’s penultimate day, Allison arranged for a four jet skis to be sent up to the lake as a surprise, and they all took turns in racing each other on them, no-one getting too drunk to make sure they stayed safe.

After a few races on the jet ski, Mollie took a break, letting Louis take over to race Bryony, Mat and Dante, while Michael cheered them on and took photos. She could see her phone lighting up with jealous messages from Allison and Chase – FOMO was a bitch – so she could already predict that Allison would be extending their rental until after the full weekend had passed so she could have a go herself.

Mollie headed back out of the cabin with a book, a bottle of water, and some sunscreen, ready to relax for a little while now that she’d pulled some shorts back on, only to see Tyson already sitting where she had been planning to sit. Maybe it was fate. Maybe this was the time they needed, apart from the others. Maybe this was a sign.

Then again, Tyson had been fairly quiet today so far, letting Mat and Dante take the reins in conversation.

“Hey Tys. Mind if I join you?”

He jolted, looking up at her like she’d surprised him, making her frown slightly.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Sure.”

Okay, not quite the reaction she’d been expecting. Even for him, this was weird. Still, she sat down in the chair next to him, reapplying her sunscreen before opening up her book. But the way that Tyson was sitting silently next to her, just staring out at the lake, was unsettling.

“Is everything okay?” she murmured, putting her bookmark in her book.

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

His answer was so short, almost distant, unlike any way he’d ever spoken to her, and it hurt a little to hear that tone in his voice. Maybe she was just missing something, but him brushing her off like that on top of all of her emotional turmoil lately was just enough to make tears spring to her eyes.

It was all she could do to swallow heavily to keep her composure, and she stood up, dropping her book on her chair.

“Where are you going?” Tyson frowned.

“I don’t know. Just need to clear my head, I guess,” Mollie shrugged, attempting to keep her voice light.

“Can I come with you?” Tyson blurted.

That would be the opposite of helpful right now. But when he looked at her so hopefully, how could she say no? Maybe he’d actually open up, and his attitude was all a big misunderstanding? She could only hope. She couldn’t take him pulling away from her, if that’s what this was.

No, she had to have hope.

With a quick glance over her shoulder to check that their friends were all occupied, Mollie started to walk in the opposite direction down the lake front, knowing that Tyson would be following her. She wandered, a little aimlessly, trying to clear her head as she’d said to him, but nothing helped knowing that it was his footsteps following her.

Eventually she slowed to a stop at a little cove, ducking into it to get out of the harsh light of the sun, and Tyson stopped next to her, offering her a small smile. She had to return it – this was the place they’d dubbed ‘their spot’ after all. Back in Tyson’s first summer, she’d found him here after a difficult training session, full of frustration and homesickness, and it had been one of the things that bonded them so quickly. She’d never told anyone about this place, that it was hers and Tyson’s. Mollie hadn’t intended to come here, but clearly her subconscious had other plans.

Tyson took a step towards her, slipping slightly on a rock, and Mollie’s hands darted out to stead him, Tyson clinging to her forearms as he regained his balance. It was only when she laughed and looked back up at him that she realised they were standing so close that she could count his eyelashes, and she froze.

No, no she couldn’t do this. She needed less drama, less intensity, less…

“Mollie,” Tyson murmured, voice breathy.

“Tys, I…I can’t,” she choked.

Her head was swirling as she jerked out of his grip, trying not to slip herself as she stepped past him, but Tyson grabbed her hand to stop her leaving.

“Mollie, please don’t go! Just listen to me!” Tyson begged.

The desperation in his voice made her stop in her tracks. She closed her eyes, keeping her back to him as she tried to control her racing heartbeat, jumping slightly as his hand move to touch her shoulder. Against her better judgement, with a gentle squeeze of his hand, she turned back around to face him, biting her lip at the devastation in his face.

“Tys,” she whispered, a little helplessly.

He’d never looked at her like that before, like she had the power to destroy him completely. She wasn’t sure if she liked it.

“Mollie, sweetheart…”

Sweetheart. He trailed off at her whimper, running a shaky hand through his unruly curls before he looked into her eyes with such determination that butterflies erupted in her stomach.

“You’ve got to know how much I like you, Mollie. Seriously. You’re one of the only people I keep in touch with from home, one of the only true friends I can count on, and you know how much our friendship means to me. But you’ve got to know how our friendship has evolved. It’s…more now, right? You feel it too?”

Mollie’s breath caught in her throat. He…what?

How much I like you.

How much our friendship means to me.

Our friendship has evolved.

You feel it too?

“Please. Say something,” Tyson begged.

How could she deny him that? After everything she started admitting to herself? She closed her eyes, swallowing heavily, only opening them when her heart cracked open a little. If he could be honest, as much of a dream as it felt, then so could she.

“I do feel it, Tys. I just…I didn’t let myself hope that you felt the same,” she whispered.

There it was. She’d finally said the words out loud. Tyson let out a wounded noise, low and sad, but Mollie didn’t say anything. What else could she say without losing all composure?

“I’ve liked you for so long, Molls. I just never let myself act on it because I didn’t think you felt the same. But now…”

Tyson trailed off again into nothing, letting out a whoosh of breath. The hope and wonder in his voice sent a thrill through Mollie’s body, her heart beating a little bit faster. Tyson liked her. He really liked her! And she’d told him how she felt about him too? She’d never thought this moment would actually happen. Definitely not since her emotional realisation a few evenings ago. But now that it was? It felt mindblowing. Was this really happening?

But there was still that niggle of doubt she couldn’t deny. So Mollie gathered her thoughts while Tyson stayed silent, hoping they wouldn’t bite her in the ass.

“I can’t do this if it’s just for the summer,” Mollie blurted, “I can’t be only a fling for you, Tyson. I wouldn’t be able to cope with that. Not with you.”

Tyson quickly shook his head, reaching out to clasp both of her hands in his, making her gasp softly at the warmth in his grip.

“You could never be a fling. This is the real deal between us, Mollie. I know it is. You know it is,” Tyson said firmly.

Mollie just nodded, choking out a laugh, unable to stop the tears welling up in her eyes as she smiled at him, earning a hopeful smile back. He was right. Deep down, no matter how her insecurities whispered, she knew that their friendship meant a solid foundation. It wasn’t a temporary wavering summer-fun. It was…everything.

“So what are you saying?” Mollie murmured, trying to blink away the tears.

Was this really happening?

“Will you be my girl?” Tyson asked, his voice full of hope.

Mollie choked a laugh, her voice thick with the tears that wouldn’t leave. “Yeah, Tys. I’ll be your girl,”

Tyson let out a whoop, throwing his head back, making Mollie laugh again. What a ridiculous guy. She liked him so much. He rested his forehead against hers, one hand rising to cup her cheek, making her inhale sharply as his eyes went more serious.

“Can I kiss you now? Finally?”

Mollie tilted her head up to press her lips to his in answer.

Being with Tyson was easy, easier than Mollie could’ve ever imagined. Somehow that transition from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend was seamless, with not even a little awkwardness like she’d feared there would’ve been. She attributed that to Tyson mainly though – he was such a driving force of happiness, and now that she’d allowed herself to feel all those thoughts she’d subconsciously pushed down before, it was like everything had clicked into place. It was almost like it was fate.

Fate that she was seizing with both hands and never letting go.

The moment that they’d returned to the cabins from the cove, Dante had taken one look at them and demanded Mat to ‘pay up’. Bryony had immediately pulled out her phone, typing away furiously, until she groaned and admitted that Allison had won their pool. Tyson had just laughed when he realised that everyone had been betting on the two of them, Mollie hiding her face in his chest with a groan. Somehow she wasn’t surprised – it was their friends after all – but that didn’t make her feel any better in the moment.

Nor did John’s smug texts – Michelle’s happy ones soothed that a little. She wasn’t surprised either when Tyson came to her after the weekend and admitted that John had given him a shovel talk in private, one that he refused to share the details of (so she knew it had to be violent), but when she’d texted John to berate him, all her brother said was that he approved and that Tyson was a good guy.

That much she knew already, thank you very much.

The rest of their summer raced by. After Mat and Dante left, JT stayed for two weeks, just as thrilled for them as Tyson’s other friends had been (especially since he won the bet he had with Alex Kerfoot about them). After JT left, Kacey and Tyson’s mom came up to stay for a week, and their genuine heartfelt welcome to the family talks left Mollie more emotional than ever, Tyson just smiling with watery eyes (that he later denied).

And obviously her parents were thrilled, Tyson being dragged down to a couple of family dinner over the remaining six weeks of summer, in between his intense workouts, getting him ready for the upcoming season.

But those six weeks flew by faster than Mollie anticipated, the end of summer drawing closer, and Tyson only had few weeks before he needed to get back to Buffalo for training camp. His time at his cabin had come to an end, as had Mollie’s, so he’d come to stay at her apartment with her while he figured out what he wanted to for his remaining time.

The more time Mollie could spend with him, the better, so she wasn’t going to complain. Especially if it meant waking up in Tyson's arms in the mornings. Even if it meant Tyson watching her with adoring expressions as she shuffled through old lesson plans to see which she could spruce up ahead of the upcoming school year.

A few days into them living in her apartment together though, Tyson made breakfast for them both and sat down opposite her with a serious expression on his face, making her a little nervous. They ate mostly in silence, the radio playing in the background, and it wasn’t until he’d put their plates in the sink that Tyson was ready to talk.

“Everything’s been so good between us, right?” he blurted.

The nervous expression on his face made her heart twinge, and not in a fun way.

“It has for me?” she offered, wincing.

“It has for me too, I promise,” he said quickly, taking the edge off her anxiety, “I just…I’ve been thinking a lot. About our future. Where we could end up. Where I want our relationship to end up.”

She tried valiantly to ignore how her heart started beating a little faster.

“What have you been thinking?” she prompted, hoping her voice didn’t sound too shaky.

“I don’t know where I’m going to end up with hockey in the future. The Avs didn’t want me, it didn’t work out with the Wild, and who knows where I’ll be after this coming year with the Sabres after all the up and down this past season. I don’t know where I’ll be playing or what city I’ll be in, but…will you come with me?”

Mollie’s jaw dropped slightly, her breath catching in her throat. He wanted her to go with him? To leave Kelowna? Tyson saw her shock and immediately reached across the island counter to take both of her hands in his, desperate to ground her as he knew she needed.

“I know this is fast, or at least it would be by normal relationship standards, but with how long we’ve known each other and with how right this feels…I just can’t bear the thought of another 9 months without you. Especially not in Buffalo,” Tyson said, his eyes wide and honest.

Go with Tyson? Uproot everything she’d ever known, move away from all her friends, her job, her life?

“Tyson, I…”

She trailed off, biting her lip, unsure of how to continue as her thoughts swirled. But as soon as she did, she noticed how Tyson’s shoulders slumped slightly, his grip on her hands going limp.

“No, you’re right. It’s too soon, isn’t it? I couldn’t ask you to give up your whole life, just like that, that's not fair on you,” Tyson sighed, finally dropping her hands.

Her breath caught in her throat at the defeat in his eyes. That, more than anything else, she hated. How he second guessed himself? His lack of self confidence? That devastation, it just wasn’t right. So Mollie shook her head, taking his hands back in hers.

“Tys, I need a moment to process, yeah?”

He nodded, a glimmer of hope entering his eyes again, making her smile slightly. Mollie huffed out a breath, running her thumbs over his knuckles, as she tried to process his words. Moving with Tyson – moving in with Tyson fully – would change everything. It would be the biggest step she’d ever taken with a relationship, but with Tyson it would be…

“Tell me what’s going through your mind,” Tyson begged, interrupting her flow.

“You just can’t stand the silence huh,” she teased, unable to resist.

“You know I can’t,” he laughed.

But the laugh was strained, making her sigh. Time to be honest.

“I guess…the main thing going through my mind is that this is such a big step,” she admitted.

“Yeah it is. But it’s also exciting? And I wouldn’t have asked you if I wasn’t sure it would work,” Tyson said honestly.

She couldn’t help but blush slightly. The fact that he was so certain about their relationship was refreshing. And she knew that Tyson always put his whole heart into everything, which was exciting - no-one else had ever had this conviction.

“What about my job? My friends? My family? And a visa? I’ve never even left BC, you know I haven’t,” Mollie prompted, going through all her doubts.

Tyson tilted his head back slightly, averting his eyes as he chewed his lip, clearly deep in thought. She couldn’t help but smile – he really was putting so much effort into this.

“I know you love teaching, even though the school you’re at right now has terrible parents…but I know you’d also smash any teaching job in any place, so I think that part is solvable? Family and friends though…that’s the big sacrifice. And I know, because it sucks leaving mine at the end of every summer. It’s sucked leaving you at the end of every summer, even though we were only ever just friends before. I don’t want to leave you again, but I understand if only seeing everyone else a few times a year outside of summer is a deal breaker,” Tyson sighed, “The visa thing I can work out with my agent, so that shouldn’t be an issue. And I know that you haven’t ever left BC – but there’s so much of the world I want to show you, even if that starts with Buffalo.”

Mollie huffed out a breath at his words, knowing he was speaking from the heart. But what should she do? Tyson watched the frustration play out across her face and smiled sadly, squeezing her hands in comfort.

“Hey, whatever you decide, just know that it won’t change how much I love you, yeah?” he said softly.

He loves her? Of all the times to drop that declaration, so simple and sweet. How could her heart not sing at that?

“My god, Tys, I love you too. So much. And you’re right, it would suck to watch you leave again because everything is so different this year. I finally have you and to lose you?”

Mollie frowned, shaking her head as she cut herself off. How could she let him go?

Tyson saw the change in her expression, a wide smile spreading across his lips. “So…?” he asked hopefully.

She laughed at his prompting, and squeezed his hands back.

“Yeah, Tyson, I’m willing to try this, to try us,” Mollie nodded, smiling, “I’ll move with you, to Buffalo, and then wherever you go after that.”

Tyson whooped and stood up from his chair, making her laugh again as he ran around to her side of the island, which quickly turned into a squeal as he threw his arms around her and picked her up to spin her in a circle. The joy in his face was just pure happiness, and Mollie knew right then that she’d made the right decision.

“I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us,” Tyson grinned, resting his forehead against hers.

There was so much to think about, with moving, with getting a visa, with her job, with her apartment in Kelowna. But a future with Tyson? That was all Mollie wanted - and she couldn’t wait to see what the future held for them either.

#my writing #tyson jost fic #summer days pass me by #tyson jost imagine #tyson jost fanfic #tyson jost x oc #nhl fic #nhl imagine #hockey fic #hockey imagine

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maisonaime · 5 months

Text

Masterlist

Color coding: Angst & Hurt/Comfort, Smut/Romance, Fluff, Dark

***specific warnings and ratings will be at the front of each part — but fair to assume most will be intended for mature audiences***

To be added to the tag list for any of my fics fill out this form!

ACOTAR 🩶🏔️

Multi-part

Ilithyia’s Blessings [Feysand Pregnancy Rewrite] - Part 1; Part 2; Part 3; Part 4

Give and Take [Cass x Reader] - Part 1

One-shot

The Star Who Listened [Azriel x Reader] Starfall Week 2024

If I am a branch on a tree, will I snap or will I burn? [Azriel/Nesta friendship]

Patience is a Virtue [Azriel x Reader]

Beautiful Agony [Azriel x Reader blurb]

Crescent City ❤️🌙

One-shot

Alma Mater [Bryce/Danika friendship]

Note a couple of things quickly before you read or comment on my work:

Antis from any camp will be deleted unless you’re making a valid coherent criticism of a character, I don’t need or want your negativity, long-winded arguments and terrible takes. There’s no reason to be anti-any characters. It’s reductive to the complexity of the story and the characters themselves. Same goes for the ship wars: I want no part of it, I’m a multi-shipper.

If you’re confused or curious about something I wrote, my asks are open for a reason! I’m always happy to share more about where my head is at or clarify why I included something – especially when I take my writing to a darker place. If you repost pieces of my work without credit to misconstrue the meaning without allowing people to form their own opinions, you will be reported.

Assume unless otherwise stated that I’m operating on MY headcanons for the characters, i.e. OOC. I don’t believe that any fanfiction can be truly canonical because we’re each projecting our own experiences and interpretations onto the characters. The original writer is the only person who can write/determine canon for their stories.

Please remember you’re reading fiction, like literal fantasy. If you don’t like it move on, the internet is so wide.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!!! Let me know if I am missing a warning you think should be included. My last intention would be for anyone to feel blindsided with something sensitive in my writing. I will always be open to constructive criticism and new ideas!

Much love and happy reading! 🩷🍾

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underdark-dreams · 1 month

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Facts About Fellow Writers Tag Game

Thank you @darkurgetrash and @lostinforestbound for the tags! Tagging @rolansrighthorn (zero pressure, only if you feel like participating 🖤)

Last book I read:

I'm reading through the Fourth Wing series by Rebecca Yarros right now (thanks for the rec Cal!) Last book I finished was a re-read of Jennette McCurdy's I'm Glad My Mom Died. Obsessed with her raw honesty

Greatest literary inspiration:

Jane Austen for her characterization and use of the Loud Silence, and Dickens for his world building and details! (sidenote A Tale of Two Cities: The Musical was one of the 2008 recession's most tragic victims, go look it up if you're a Les Mis fan)

Things in my current fandom I want to read but I don't want to write:

I very much want to but am so bad at writing M/M pairings 🫣 At the same time, M!Paladin Tav x any of the Tiefling men is literally catnip to me. I love it sm 😩

Things in my current fandoms I want to write but I think nobody would be interested in them but me:

Ikaron 💗 Anything Ikaron, including a rewrite of the Tieflings in Act 2 with him as a protag. I'll probably write it anyway! We Ikaron lovers are few but feral. There are dozens of us!

You can recognize my writing by:

Pared-down prose, comma splices, gerunds, too many adverbs, use & abuse of pining tropes. Generally all the things I was taught not to do in my creative writing program but said fuck it

My most controversial take (current fandom):

Zevlor as a paladin companion ("good" route alternative to Minthara) makes more sense than Halsin or Minsc as a companion. Halsin at least should've been party-recruitable going into Act 2 and the Shadow-Cursed Lands. Right? He would have so much idle dialogue while exploring that map. And though I truly adore Minsc and do use him in my party (re-specced to Gloomstalker to give Astarion a break now and then), he's just recruited so late in Act 3. Recruiting Zevlor in the Mindflayer Colony and bringing him into Act 3 (plus the Ketheric fight) would've just been so interesting for the Tief community as a whole. They are such a big part of Acts 1 & 2, it just feels like they need more closure in the final act.

Current writing mood (10 – super motivated and churning out words like crazy, 0 – in a complete rut):

I'd say a 7! I am noodling on little blurbs every night, including for my Rolan WIPs, and for any other NPCs that strike my fancy. I don't have as much free time as I did in January (fuck work) or I'd be writing a lot more. And Rimworld Anomaly DLC + Stardew 1.6 are seriously testing my free time lmao! But the thirst to write can never be snuffed out~

Top 3 favorite tropes?

MUTUAL PINING 😩

Forced Proximity ( awakened by @catsharky who handed me the plot for Pent Up)

Hurt/Comfort

Share a random frustration:

It takes me a lot of time and effort to get into a writing flow. The littlest distraction can completely derail a good session (ADHD gang wya)

Also, I can never turn off my editor mode, am constantly editing as I draft, and am slow as fuck at writing as a result 😭

#tag game #bg3 fanfiction #rebgrrl writes

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breitzbachbea · 3 months

Note

Btw I’m very new to your blog, could I get a brief intro to your OCs (and their nationalities if they have any 👀)? Just want to keep up with the story BJHB

Oh my goood anon, I love youuu.

However I sadly have like. Over 200 named characters in one and the same universe so it can be quite tricky to give an introduction to them.

I explain the worldbuilding here, though! And within that context also briefly talk about the Irish, the English, the Sicilians.

As I say in the linked ask, I am currently working on the rewrite of the first two main stories, but here's a blurb I've made for the rewrite of story 1, Irish Problems:

Hetalia Human AU/Organized Crime AU. Almost every Hetalia Character is the biggest shark in their nation’s organized crime shark tank & usually supported by two right hands. The story centers on HWS Ireland and HWS Sicily (both OCs of mine).

Two islands, two requests, one weekend: Harry O’Connel is down on his financial luck in Dublin. Michele Vento is looking for partners to pull him out of his isolationist political situation in Sicily. One weekend in Palermo to decide if one hand can’t wash the other. The Irish have the connections Michele wants and the Sicilians have the money Harry needs, but either party had reckoned without an old enemy of theirs. Arthur Kirkland has had his eyes set on Ireland for a long time and the last thing he needs is a quarrelling Sicilian in his neighbourhood. A routine first meeting suddenly turns into a matter of life and death. Will Harry, Michele and their friends work together to save each other or has everything fallen apart and into Arthur’s hands before it even began?

You can also have a link to a beta document of the office scenes, which are the introduction scenes for the English and Sicilian office. (The Irish get introduced in a prior one, but dw, I also listed the context needed for their office scene): The link (You can ignore the feedback questions, bc I do have a lovely beta now, the fantastic @someone-you-do-not-know )

I absolutely SUCK at Intros, not least of all bc yes I could give you an intro for the main Alternate Universe, but I also put these mfers into a lot of other Alternate Universes, so it is hard to sum them up without it feeling like a character existing in a vacuum. But if you wish to see all the forbidden other AUs, you can find them over at @i-centri-degli-universi . If you just want in general to browse my OC blabber more pointedly, you can look for the tag "storie nostre" on my blog. If you are on mobile, just search my blog on it and click the tag on the first post that has it, that way you can ACTUALLY see all the posts I made with it :)

But I can give you a few nationalities and infos for like. A few fuckers that pop up a lot on here:

Harry O'Connel, Sophie O'Connel (Soph is my Northern Ireland OC and Harry's younger sister) and Charlie Higgins, Harry's best friend, are all from Dublin, while Paddy O'Neill is from Derry, which he left at 24. You might also recently have seen me talk a LOT about Aaron, Angus and Kilian recently here bc of my Rake Courtship AU. Aaron O'Connel is Harry's and Soph's father (who died in the main AU timeline in 2009), while Kilian MacLeod and Angus O'Mallry are friends from Paddy's youth in Derry, his best friends. He burnt all bridges with his past in the main AU though and Kilian died in 2005 (iirc) in a car crash ...

We also have Michele Vento and Marco & Lorenzo Bontade, the latter who ran away at 12 from their hometown Bagheria to the nearby Palermo, where Michele is from. He took the twin boys under his wings and they refer to each other as brothers.

Then we have Robert Bailey and Tahir Rashid, two Londoners who are the ruthlessly efficient and yet always bickering right hands to Arthur Kirkland.

If you ever wanna know more about a certain OC, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just ask, I swear I don't bite :)

#i lied. fingers fingers fingers fingers #anon #beareplies #storie nostre #ANON I LOVE YOUUUUU I wish I could condense the past 10 years of my insanity easily for you <3 #hetalia oc #hetalia au #fanfiction oc

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m1d-45 · 1 year

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Any advice for writing Genshin fanfics? Asking because I have a lil fanfic side blog and I want to start posting Genshin stuff, but nervous

imma be straight up…. i don’t know what i’m doing-

Seven Points to Success(™️) beneath the readmore

hi :) i have no idea how to tumblr :))

in all honesty, i started posting bc i wanted this as a sort of archive for all the shit i write. i have a habit of deleting docs i don’t like and eventually wishing i didn’t so i could read them, so i figured what better motivator to write and encouragement that no, this isn’t shit, then the internet?

i guess that’s my first point: don’t write for anybody but yourself. write what you want, and then post it in case somebody else likes it. otherwise, you’ll probably end up losing motivation and getting burnt out. write what you want, and don’t be embarrassed to do so.

two: as with any fanfic, get to know the characters! please! the last thing you want is for readers to be flung out of a story because somebody was out of character. the genshin wiki is a goldmine!! the voice lies can give you an idea as to how a character speaks, and their story will let you in on, well, their story.

uhhh three: grammar. this isn’t pointed at you specifically, just genuinely… please refresh yourself on grammar rules. fics could have an excellent premise, but it’s not gonna be read if everything is a run on, with multiple speakers per paragraph.

what not to do:

“isn’t the sunset pretty?” kazuha said his hand brushing yours. “it is”, you agreed leaning into his shoulder. “i knew you’d like it” he smiled.

^ don’t do that. don’t. paragraph changes every time someone new speaks, and commas go before the quote.

in addition, try reading out your dialogue (out loud or in your head doesn’t matter) to check it sounds real, and like it’s in that characters ‘voice.’ kinda goes hand in hand with point 2.

(minor point: while some grammar rules can be bent or a bit fudged—such as my entirely writing in lowercase and excessive use of commas—there are lines that cannot be crossed. that sounds serious but all it means is that some fundamentals need to be followed.)

point 3.5: use a readmore. please. do it. if you’re on mobile, click an empty line, type ‘:readmore:’, then hit enter. idk how to do it on desktop but please. do it. everybody will thank you. i will personally thank you. just type out a title, summary, maybe a paragraph of the fic to get readers hooked, then a readmore. makes everybody happy, and it’s easier to navigate your blog that way.

point four: practice! please please please practice. you will get better with time. trust me. i am sitting you down, handing you a warm drink, and asking you to promise to keep writing. just do it. it’s gonna be bad sometimes. it’s gonna make you cringe when you look back on it. whatever. keep. writing.

obviously don’t burn yourself out, but if you’ve got an idea, open up a doc and start writing. what starts as an idea put to page tends to spiral into fics for me, but even if it doesn’t for you, you have started. you have done the hardest part. you can keep going, i promise, you can always rewrite what you don’t like.

take it from me: i start every fic as a short blurb outlining the idea, and always have to redo the introduction for tumblr to neaten it into something presentable. it doesn’t matter if it isn’t perfect, it just has to work.

if you don’t like your sentence structures, vary the length of your sentences. short. long. semicolons, m dashes, paragraphs in parentheses, it doesn’t matter. if you don’t like your word choices, pop open a thesaurus and find a different word. do not do this for every single word ever, obviously, but if you’re using the same word over and over, it might be better to have some synonyms in mind. additionally, they can make the emotional points stronger—i.e. ‘cried’ vs ‘sobbed’—or emphasize the point you want to make more—like ‘hissed’ vs ‘seethed’.

the point above does not apply to ‘said’. ‘said’ is not dead. obviously use dialogue tags, but also use ‘said’. everybody who says ‘said is dead’ is a liar and a fraud. it is okay to use ‘said’. ‘said’ ‘say’ and ‘says’ are our beloveds.

(minor point: i use apostrophes as quotations as a stylistic choice, but you never use these in technical, grammatically correct writing. “he said ‘purposeful,’ so it wasn’t an accident.” <- that is not a grammatically correct line of dialogue, but it’s how i would stylize it. this is just to let you know that i am not grammatically correct—after all, i type entirely in lowercase because i think it looks better, so…)

point five: tag things! but don’t over tag them. tag whats relevant, tag whats important, and nothing else. i don’t know how to draw the line here bc it can get blurry, but try reading a fanfic and then looking to see what was tagged if this is confusing. tag whats relevant so people can find things, and leave out stuff unrelated so others can scroll through that tag in peace.

(minor point: tag warnings if your piece contains triggering topics. i’ve seen varying opinions as to how obvious these warnings should be, but at the very least some form of tag about it is courteous, in my opinion)

(minor point 2: if you write ‘x reader’s—you didn’t specify, but you asked me for advice, so—then please, please, pretty please, mark your readers gender. it’s ok if you solely write fem! reader, but please just say so. nobody wants to enter a fic only to get hit with the she/her without warning. i didn’t do this for a while because i solely write for a gn reader w/ you/yours pronouns, but i know better now. tag your readers. write what you want, just make sure others can find it too)

point 6: organize. do it. i know it can be annoying but pls. a masterlist saves lives. mine isn’t the best example but hey, it works.

in the same vein, have a navigation post pinned, with stuff like rules, whether requests are open, a link to the masterlist, and whatever else you deem important. again, mine isn’t the best example, but it works. this way, people can easily find your works, and return to where they were if you write a series/ a lot in general.

point seven: take everything i just said with a grain of salt, no matter how small. i am just one guy. i don’t know everything. i don’t even know what i do know. you think i know how i have almost a thousand followers? no. i just write about boys i find pretty and put them online for the internet to read. maybe you write best by solely writing for the community. maybe you work completely off any sort of schedule. i don’t know. i’m not you.

you are you. you know you best. take breaks, take care of yourself, and just go for it. i promise, the worst that can happen is that nothing happens. you’ll be okay. you can do it.

— midas.

(p.s.: sorry if this reads particularly incoherent i have an illness again :) sick three times within three months, call that f2p luck)

#m1d : [chats]#can’t tell whether to be honored or concerned you came to me of all ppl for advice-#also unrelated: FUCK tumblr. wholeheartedly. why do i need a whole tab for the shop??!#< reminder i’m a mobile user #also hands and knees begging somebody to give me an idea for an event. i desperately wanna do something to celebrate but. what.#nobody saw my tags for 500 and nobody will now probably but like…. pls………. what do the people want… tell me…. i shall give….

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iwannawritelots · 2 years

Text

£uc!f€r

Originally written April 2022

Masterlist

Ship(s): Lucifer X MC

(genderless MC)

Trigger/content warnings: trauma depictions, guilt

Headcanons/notes from the author: I think I intended on continuing this…? Didn’t happen. Might rewrite or something though. SEASON 2 (PAST LESSON 38) SPOILERS; written under the assumption that Lucifer didn’t get his memories back.

Brief Blurb: (Spoilers) Lucifer cannot recall what caused his nightmares.

A dark, bare room, cold and uninviting, which Lucifer sat in the middle of. The candles gave little light, and he could barely see his own hands when he held them up to his face. A price he was willing to pay… for whatever it was. He couldn’t name it, despite it being on the tip of his tongue. A guilt that drenched his very being as he curled into himself with every panicked breath.

Why was he so… unsettled? Surely he had a reason… he was Lucifer, after all. The morning star, the one humans believed ruled over demons.

Then he heard it, the screams he once heard in not fearful context. He was used to the screaming and shrieking; from day one, they were of a joyful tone… an indicator of fun, child’s play. This was the new norm. Agony coated, shrill screaming and sobbing; no matter how much he tried, all he could do was make it worse. When did he try to make it better? His head felt fuzzy…

Lucifer gasped and clawed at his sheets as he woke. Tears were already sliding down his face as he coughed and choked on his saliva. His body hurt, and his head spun so violently he felt like vomiting. Another dream that he couldn’t understand had brought him to consciousness. “Lucifer?” He startled, whipping his head around to find the source of your voice. “Lucifer, it’s alright. Just listen to my voice,” you cooed, sitting up on your side of the bed. “Was it another nightmare, love?”

The avatar of pride didn’t respond, opting instead to hide in your chest and cover his ears. The screaming had followed him into reality, which often happened, much to his dismay. You very carefully adjusted his body to be in a more comfortable position before placing your hands over his own, hoping it was helping ground him. He soon began to sob, whimpering apologies that you couldn’t comprehend.

Ever since Simeon had placed the ring of light on your finger, Lucifer’s amnesia seemed to worsen. He often forgot more than he initially had, but at the same time he still felt comfort being around you. It didn’t take very long for his insomnia to become apparent. You insisted that you accompany him at night, after Mammon pointed out that Lucifer allowed himself to nap on the couch with you around.

Despite your presence, the nightmares did not cease. Lucifer couldn’t remember many things, but his brain still tortured him as he slept. He had become more like his old self, being gentle with his brothers, letting himself ramble, openly expressing his feelings… but at a price. He could never have a peaceful slumber.

Lucifer had cried for a long while before he finally fell back asleep. You held him still, petting his hair and humming a human world lullaby. If it weren’t for you, he probably would never sleep again. The thought made your stomach twist, wondering what would have happened if you weren’t in a relationship with him. Who else would he have found comfort in?

After a while, he began panicking in his sleep again, and you gently blew on his face until he awoke once more. “Lucifer, maybe we should go do something for a little bit.”

“I’m keeping you up… I’m sorry…” he muttered, red with humiliation. “I’m an awful partner.” You hushed him and brushed his hair out of his face. “_____… I’ve caused you so many problems…”

Sighing, you shook your head and kissed his temple. “That’s not the case. Just relax for me, darling.” You ran your fingers through his hair, using your other hand to hold one of his. “Was it like the one last night?”

He exhaled long and sniffled, then buried his face into your shoulder. “Yes, it was.”

“I’m sorry. Maybe we can talk to someone about making it stop.”

“No… I probably deserve it.” Lucifer wrapped your hand in both of his. “I’m without memory of whatever I did to deserve it, but I’m sure I do.”

“Lucifer—” You cut yourself off when you realized he was crying again. “Lucifer, you can’t keep this up.”

A long pause stretched between the both of you. “I know…”

#lucifer x mc #mc x lucifer #lucifer #mc #gn mc #obey me! one master to rule them all #obey me! shall we date?#obey me!#obey me #omomtrta #omswd #om #fanfiction #darlingficsbycinna #iwannawritelots

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mirawritesstuff · 26 days

Text

Untitled Writing Project

I don't even know if this could be considered a writing project. I'll mostly be venting, talking about my life and my experiences. But I guess my goal here is to see if I can even write THAT in an engaging way. I don't know. I don't know what I want to achieve with this. There's no real point in putting my hurt feelings out onto the internet, is there?

Anyways, enough with the rambling. No good writer rambles. I don't think. Do they? What even is a writer? How do you become one? And I don't mean how to get your work published, or how to gain an audience (though I'd LOVE some advice on that). I mean how do you even... start writing? And how do you get better? I've written little blurbs here and there. I wrote some fan fiction on a blog I once ran with some friends. Did some roleplay on internet forums with a friend. But how do I get serious about writing? How do I keep the motivation? How do I keep getting better?

And I know the time old saying, "practice makes perfect", but how do I stick to practicing? And most importantly, how do I find the passion for it? I want to be passionate about writing, but I'm just... not. I try, and I get little spurts of inspiration, and then I crash. I get ideas, scenarios, maybe bits and pieces of a fantasy world. But I don't ever get the passion. It doesn't help that I am very critical of my writing. I just never feel like I'm describing scenarios and emotions properly, and no matter how hard I try to rewrite something, it doesn't sound right.

I was recently watching Bojack Horseman. I'm not finished with it yet but I am at the last season. Diane starts working on her book about... everything. Her life, and things she's passionate about. But she can't sit down and write it. Then eventually, she starts writing something else entirely. A fiction book that's more of a feel-good, fun book for middle schoolers. And I really want to be able to just... Sit down and do something like that. Even if I just get some ideas that get me really passionate and really going on it.

I don't know.

Maybe that was my goal in writing this post. Maybe my goal was that if I wrote long enough, worked long enough on this, then maybe I'd start drifting into a day dream and start writing something else. Something fun. Something interesting.

But Bojack Horseman is a TV show. TV shows aren't real. Diane isn't real. I am not Diane. But I kind of wish I was? Her form of depression really resonated with me, I think. The messy apartment, trash everywhere, wearing the same clothes for weeks. It felt familiar. It felt like a very real depiction of depression. Diane feels like a very real person. She feels like me...

Maybe I need to take a page out of her book and move somewhere. Diane moved to Chicago. I visited Chicago this year. It was a nice trip. I enjoyed it a lot, had fun with my friends... Friends hurt you a lot, sometimes. The move I want to make is somewhere out of the US. I was thinking somewhere in Europe, maybe Greece. Nothing is set in stone yet since I have to get a lot of other aspects in my life together before I can even start the process of getting out of this hell hole. Anyways, I'm rambling again. Circling back to the "friends hurt you a lot" statement, when I told one of my friends that I wanted to move out of the US and was thinking Greece, he wasn't very supportive. He was shooting down everything I was saying.

He said things along the lines of, "It isn't that bad here", "The rest of the world thinks we're shit heads, they don't want you there", and just completely invalidating my experiences as a queer woman in the US. And it made me feel shitty. I love my friend, dearly. He's otherwise been a really good friend to me, but this specific instance really hurt me a lot. I hope I can get over this. I don't want to lose him as a friend. But he hasn't even apologized. Or reached out. And that makes me feel worse.

Maybe I shouldn't put personal business out on the internet. But in a way, venting and putting it out into the open is oddly cathartic? Maybe I should start a real blog. I dunno. Maybe this is what I should do with my blog. I don't think maybe people will read this, but maybe it'll be therapeutic.

Another part of Bojack Horseman that really resonated with me was the episode where his mom died. My mom is still alive, but his eulogy about his mom really resonated with me. Maybe I'll save the mommy issues for the next post, this post is getting long enough as is.

Thank you, for reading.

#writeblr #authors of tumblr #free writing #thoughts #rant #ramblings #oh well #idk

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zorosmalewife · 5 months

Text

chain rxn upd8

Chapter 15 is DONEEEE!!!!!!!!

Haha okay remember when I said last post that the outline could change? Well. I did not lie. Things have changed significantly! Section 20 (it all comes spilling out) was supposed to be a big huge apocalyptic fight between ace and zoro. But the way things have been going, there's already been a lot of that in the piece, and as I've written the chapters leading up to it, I realized that it happening AGAIN was just too much. It's not fun to read them rehashing the same problems over and over. And honestly, I think I have developed them to a point where they wouldn't even fight about it. So they're not going to!

I think the integrity and quality of the piece is more important than sticking to my outline. So I have, once again, reworked the outline. I've tossed out some sections. Combined others. Moved some around. Ultimately, the outline is now one chapter shorter! Depending on how long the first half of 17 ends up being, I might cut it in half after the new interlude, but that'll depend on how much I end up writing. Ultimately, I think these changes will make for a better final product. Here's hoping!

Oh, and yes, chapter 15 did indeed end up being a little unwieldy. It's 7k!

Now, a quick blurb about length: as of writing this, the plan is a 4k word MINIMUM for every chapter. This, however, puts me in a sticky spot. I, personally, don't read fics over 100k. I think that is just too long, since I like to read my fics in one sitting. So I would prefer to keep this piece under 100k. But with that 4k minimum, and at least 2 chapters left, that might not be possible. After finishing chapter 15, the doc is about 90k. With 2 more 4k chapters, that puts us at 98k. I doubt either chapter (especially 17) will stay at the minimum, which means we run a real risk of going over 100k.

That's significant for many reasons. First of all, that's long, and I don't know if people are willing to stick around that long. I don't have confidence that my writing can stay interesting for so many words. Secondly, if this goes over 99k, it will officially be the longest thing I've ever written. I feel kind of strange about that, seeing as this is a smutty rewrite on my side AO3. That being said, I really like this piece, and I'm proud of it. So maybe it won't be so bad for it to be my longest. I've certainly put in a lot of effort. I don't know! I've got a lot to think about! It may very well end up that a lot gets cut during the editing process, so I may be fretting over nothing. Who knows!

Anyway. Outline under the cut!

Scenes, in tentative order, starting with chapter 15:

18 - charades [COMPLETE] INTERLUDE - S 10 S 9 - unseen [COMPLETE] INTERLUDE - S 9 - real (now combined with 19) 19 - top [COMPLETE] -- predicted end of chapter 15 & start of chapter 16 -- INTERLUDE - FD 9 - calm [WIP] 20 - it all comes spilling out. -- predicted end of chapter 16 & start of chapter 17 -- ((INTERLUDE - S 11 S 10 - unequivocal victory)) (might cut. unsure.) 23 21 - legacy NEW - INTERLUDE - FD 10 / S 11 - siblings (might be a family dinner. might be a spar. not sure yet.) 24 22 - ok stud. INTERLUDE - FD 11 / FD 10 - announcement, and all that comes next

Total word count: 86,076 -> 91,738

#chain reaction by zorosmalewife

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ilsanslut · 5 months

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hello mx. vampiie! i love your works a lot, tysm for always feeding us with good content ♡ and i hope you're having a good day today! hydration check and meal check ✨

i just wanted to drop by and say this and leave it up to your decision on how to proceed. i myself used to use and create c.ai bots but i have since stopped for now. i respect your dedication making the character bots, and maybe you're not aware of this, but there is a huge possibility that their dataset foundation is curated by scraping a lot of people's writing without permission and credit.

src // youtu.be/b843dkGnGVk

afaik, character.ai themselves have not made any clarifications or publications, but i doubt they would say anything if they did use the same dataset, because it wouldn't reflect good on themselves.

anyway, i really hate to be that person but i just wanted to let you know. i chose not to support or promote them in any way because i myself am a writer and the thought that me and my friends' work are posssibly being scraped without my permission to be used to train ais makes me uncomfortable. sorry for rambling and thanks for listening! congrats on graduating nursing school and i hope you'll have a relaxing personal time this holiday season!! ♡

hello, anon. thank you for bringing this to my attention and thank you for the well wishes, i hope the same for you! enjoy the holidays, lovely! this post is kind of long, so i put it beneath a cut.

i think it's crazy how developed ai has become in recent years. it's literally been like a year and a few months and we've seen how advanced it's become with both photo ai generators and sites like chatgpt for writing. to be honest, it's alarming and it's disheartening to see how fast it's developing while being built, nearly entirely, on stolen works.

since i am a writer and an artist, i feel a certain type of way about ai, but to be honest, i'm in a very grey area. as far as artwork goes, i REFUSE to acknowledge artists who use it and denounce its use entirely since, in my opinion, it's appalling to take someone's passion projects and extort it for your own gain. i'm also a little biased towards the artwork side of ai since a few of my friends are well-known/popular artists on twitter and other socials and have had instances where their own artwork was stolen and fed to ai generators.

when it comes to writing, on the other hand, i feel i'm a little looser on my bias. now, i'm not talking about using ai to write the ENTIRETY of your fic, chapters, book, whatever—but if you use it in a resourceful sense, there are some benefits. when you find yourself in a tough situation as to how to progress a story, seeking a blurb from a generator could aid greatly in that. also, if you're not too confident in the way your sentence sounds, maybe use a paraphrasing site to rewrite your sentence until you're satisfied. with those benefits said, that's as far as i go with leniency on ai in writing. any further usage beyond a last resort resource is denounced by me.

truthfully, i believe that on both ends of the spectrum, ai will NEVER be able to replicate the passion, hard work, sweat, and tears that go into some of these works, and it's deplorable that it's come as far as it has. unfortunately, as things progress, i only see ai becoming more of an issue.

as far as creating bots on c.ai though, i had an *idea* that these bots were being used to train ai, but only on the c.ai website itself. though, in hindsight, it was very naive of me to believe that they were ONLY being used to train the bots on the c.ai website alone. truthfully, i want to wait for more information on the c.ai involvement to come up before making any decisions, but if i'm honest, when it comes to c.ai, i don't really care. a lot of my bots are used to feed my own delusions and be horny with fictional characters, (i go outside i swear) and if c.ai wants to steal my messages of big daddy true form sukuna blowing my little twink's back out to feed a silly little generator, then i guess they can go right on ahead. 💀

to bring this response to a close, at the end of the day, i know myself and the passion i have for both artwork and writing, and i'll be damned if let a series of 1's and 0's ruin that for me. as unfortunate as it is, ai usage is a reality that a lot of us will have to come to terms with soon if a change isn't made in the near future. as far as myself is concerned, i'll continue to write on both tumblr and c.ai and ride my little delulu wave until shit hits the fan.

however, i would love to thank you one last time anon for bringing this to my attention, and i hope you enjoy your holidays and have a merry christmas, and many blessings in the new year to come. ♡

#vampiiespeakz #vampiiesthoughtz

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authoroux · 1 year

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I’ve Published Twenty Books, Here’s What I Know: There’s a lot of speculation about authors who write books quickly, speculation that I’ve always found odd, borderline insulting. It’s nobody’s business, but I’ve always written quickly, in extreme, sometimes unhealthy, obsessive bursts to outrun and outsmart the self-doubt and mental illness that has affected me my entire life. I’m guessing some of you can relate. It’s the way I know how to do business, so that’s how the business gets done. And honestly? I can’t remember the last time I wondered how long it took an author to write the book I was enjoying. I mean, I don’t care if it took them ten days or ten years, I’m just pleased their imagination dances in harmony with mine. I’m relieved they took the time to create something. Because creation is hard. This job is hard. Really hard. Impossible? Occasionally. I’ve had to rewrite entire books in a matter of months to fulfill an edit. I’ve had to just plain write first drafts in a matter of months, because that was the time allotted. I’ve worked through severe illness, debilitating depression coupled with ADHD, through breakups and traumas, through devastating loss. On the worst day of your life, someone will be sure to DM and let you know your book sucks ass. You will be the lone woman on panels, constantly ignored and condescended to. You will have a launch event to promote your book and the host will interrupt to talk about male authors he obviously wishes you were. Someone will raise their hand in the middle of your panel and ask for your number. It will get weird, exhausting, and numbing.

This job requires a tremendous amount of fortitude. It paradoxically asks that you remain a sensitive lil bean, open to the world and your own emotions, while also demanding an adamantine shell to survive it. More than once I’ve wanted to walk away from it, just disappear somewhere and open a retirement ranch for senior chihuahuas, never to be perceived again. So, why continue? Why write books 21, 22, and so on? There’s a line in the new Critical Role book that I’m proud of, it goes: To venture out, that is the mandate of the soul.

Try. Go. Walk out the door. Go to the desk. Jot down that idea, follow it, see where it goes. Venture. Fail. Do it again.

There’s more venturing to do, in my imagination and in this career. Joy and rage still howl to be let out. And there are readers, wonderful readers, to keep entertaining or to eventually meet. There are a dozen moments of catharsis, light, and pride for every moment of frankly unbelievable bullshit. You start to recognize the same readers in your mentions, and grow fond of them, looking forward to their comments and likes. You receive kind, curious emails seeking advice. You meet incredible people running the same hard race and you learn from their wisdom and grace. You make lifelong friends. Someone you idolize will ask for a blurb, and your heart will turn into a thousand singing senior chihuahuas. You will work with editors and copy editors and PR folks that will stun you with their creativity. You will listen to audiobook performers bring your words to life in wholly unexpected ways. A parent will approach you with their kid at a signing and tell you Asylum was the first book their child read, and now they love reading. All those experiences and moments expand your heart until it’s so big that it’s ready to soak up more rage and joy, and barf it back out into the world behind a hard cover.

Maybe most importantly, you will sit quietly at your desk, weeping over a story that you’ve finally finished, filled to bursting with all the fears and hopes of a new parent. You will write THE END, and then, the next day, open a fresh Word doc and do the whole hard thing over again.

I’ve published twenty books. I am so damn proud. And yet, the work has hardly begun.

#writing #author #essay #publishing #traditional publishing #young adult novels #science fiction #fantasy #IP writing

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twinklelilstarkey · 3 years

Note

could i please request “agreeing to sleep in separate beds but ending up sneaking into each other’s to snuggle” with rafe or mat barzal?

For blurb thursday!

DO NOT REPOST, REWRITE OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORK!

"Rafe, what the hell are you doing?" You whisper as soon as you look up from your phone to stare at your shirtless boyfriend walking into your room.

You, like you had planned with your group of friends, are supposed to sleep separately from your boyfriend. You're on a vacation with your friends away from the island, and that same rule had been created due to nobody wanting to have to hear their friends having sex and then look them in the eyes the morning after.

They were rules every couple in the friend group had accepted to follow. If they happen to not do it, they'll have to pay for everyone's lunch on the day after. As simple as that sounds to an outsider, knowing your friends, you prefer to not see Rafe after dinner every day than have a life of debt on your bank account.

"I can't sleep in there." Rafe whispers back at you in a whine.

"Babe, we can't." You tell him with the same tone.

"They will never know."

"Yes, they will."

Rafe ignores your whispers and continues to walk over to the bed. The only light source being the screen of your phone, which is still unlocked and continuously showing you what you were just reading.

You watch him as he walks around your bed, light on his feet, and you hold your hand out at him.

“You can’t, Rafe.”

“Scoot over.”

“No.! You say before locking your phone.

Now, in the complete darkness, you cross your arms over your chest, staring at where Rafe probably is still standing and, you notice how you have absolutely no plan.

At the feeling of one of his hands on your hip and another one on your shoulder, you jump, spooked, and still lost in the darkness, and he pushes you to the end of the twin bed.

“You know that as soon as my friend comes back, she’ll see you, right?” You ask him.

You feel him sit on his side of the bed.

“I don’t care.” He sings his words in a whisper, dragging them as if he’s singing some sort of high note.

“I won’t help you pay for the lunch.”

“That is if we're caught”

Rafe finally lays down and you feel him pull at your pillow so the two of you can share it.

He really knows how to get on your last nerve.

“Rafe, I’m about to fall from the bed.”

“Cuddle with me, then.”

You hesitate, not wanting to give him the satisfaction just after being ignored and not given any sort of thing that you asked for, aka, have him not lay in your bed.

“Is that why you’re here?” You ask him, “To cuddle?”

“Hell yeah.”

You smile at his words and he moves a bit on the bed.

“I’m waiting.” He whispers.

You still don’t lean in.

“Very patiently.” He continues.

Still nothing.

“Still waiting.” He speaks a little louder, this time.

You huff, deciding to ask yourself a big old’ "why not" in your head, and you finally lean in.

You lay your head over Rafe’s naked chest, also bringing one of your arms close to you, and after some adjusting later, you also throw your leg over his hips.

Rafe wraps his arm around your back, pulling you closer to him before he can place a kiss over your forehead as you melt into his familiar warm and secure hold.

You close your eyes, concentrating on the nothingness that surrounds you now and on Rafe’s heartbeat underneath your ear. His hand moves in slow circles on your back and you're a breath away from falling asleep.

The door of the bedroom opens slowly once more and you open your eyes to notice your friend coming back from the bathroom. She’s using the flashlight on her phone so she doesn’t disturb those who are already asleep, so both you and Rafe lay very still as she walks to the bed beside yours.

She’s about to not notice you two until she notices in the corner of her eye how you are occupying more space, than you normally would, in the bed. She turns quickly and both you and Rafe groan at the harsh source of light.

“What the fuck?” She whispers a yell at you.

“It's not my fault.” You tell her.

“What do you mean not your fault?”

She diverts her glare over to Rafe and he simply offers her a cheeky smile, proud of his achievement.

Oh, yeah. Sort of forgot you were dating for a moment.

Your friend lowers the light from your faces and sits down on her bed.

“Just promise that you two won’t have sex.”

“On my lif-”

“We won’t make any promises.” Rafe says over your voice.

Right after he finishes saying that, there's the sound of a loud smack against skin, and then one of Rafe’s groans of pain.

“It was just a joke!” He groans in pain.

I'm not that proud of this, I think it's too simple and not at all that cute and funny as I wanted, but I wrote this at 2am, so bear with me.

Hope you enjoyed it, either way!

#Rita's blurb thursdays #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagines #rafe cameron imagine #rafe x reader #outer banks rafe #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron #drew starkey #outer banks imagines #outer banks imagine #obx #obx 2 #outer banks

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pappydaddy · 3 years

Text

Enchanted (j.m)

A/N: Hello lovelies! To wrap up my 300 follower celebration, I am posting this! This was submitted by someone who I love to interact with - obx anon. They requested a blurb based off of Enchanted by Taylor Swift with the enchanting JJ Maybank. However, this did not turn out to be a blurb, it was a full-out fic because I could not help myself. What else am I supposed to do with Taylor Swift songs as prompts? But, yeah, this is like nine pages which isn't too bad, but still not a blurb. While I was writing I was thinking about doing a part two, but idk. If y'all want a part two, just let me know. Like I just need one person to tell me and I will do it. I already have ideas.

I've also been listening to Speak Now on repeat since I got this ask. Also, this, Wedding Crasher (re-write) and Part Two of A Lumberjack and A Mullet (and a rewrite of that) (these two fics are available on Stragner Things Masterlists) will be part of the eventual Speak Now collection once the album is re-released and after Folklore/Evermore + Fearless + Red collections are done.

Anywho, obx anon, I hope you love this lovely💛!

Pairing: JJ Maybank x fem!reader

TV Show/Movie: Outer Banks

Taglist: @rottenstyx

part i - you're here! | part ii

AU where the treasure hunt did not turn into what it is in the show. No Bahamas, no Ward/Rafe psychopathy, etc. Just a harmless, fun little adventure that brought Sarah and Kie together again.

Requested as part of an event by the lovely obx anon

Warnings: idk if there is any? Fluff? Some angst? Just someone falling in love with someone they just met. Mention of socio-economic levels, social status, etc.

masterlist | taglist | wips | navigation

- not my gif -

One would think the life of a rich kid would be easy, a dream within a dream - and for some it is. Y/N never was one to overlook the advantages and privileges she had in life thanks to her parent’s wealth, even if they weren’t all that wealthy. The L/N family sat comfortably in the upper class of life, they had the fancy house, the social status, but there were definitely richer families - particularly her mother’s best friend’s stepfamily. Rose Cameron was one of Y/N’s mother’s closest friends since their realtor’s course way back when and was the whole reason Y/N was forced to move to the small island in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Missing the California lifestyle, Y/N found the incessant welcoming parties people have been throwing them a bit overwhelming but unavoidable. Part of being on the lower part of the upper-class scale was putting on the show.

So, here she was, faking a laugh as some stranger clutching a champagne fluke made some horrible joke. Dressed to the tens, almost all of the Kooks of the island were gathered in the Cameron’s extravagant house, having just finished a fancy meal and currently waiting for the patio to be reopened to allow them to meander back out to the bar. One thing Y/N noticed about Rose and the Cameron’s - they loved to show off their wealth. “Y/N, dear, why don’t you tell everyone about your shot at a prestigious scholarship- actually, I’ll tell them.” Her mother boasted yet again, her gentle hand being placed on her shoulder blade that was exposed by the thin, crisscrossing straps of her satin dress. Faking a smile, Y/N stayed quiet as her mother tried to up their social standing to the group of adults.

“Say, Mr. Carrera, we should get together for a round of golf, I’ve heard the course at the Country Club is amazing. Perhaps we can get the wives and children together the same day, give us a bit more freedom, am I right?” Her father laughed with one of the other men in the small cluster, branching from the others.

“Please, call me Mike,” The man corrected him politely, before tipping his champagne fluke towards her father slightly. “And I think I’ll take you up on that offer, maybe your daughter could help set an example for mine, we’ve been having problems with her lately,” Mike whispered the last part to Y/N’s father quietly as if it were top secret information. “Actually, she’s here somewhere, she’s probably outside helping her friends, some of them are working the party-” Mike cut himself off, looking over the heads of the crowd gathered in the base floor of the Cameron’s house. “She’s walking in the door now, Kiara!” He yelled her name, waving her over.

“Y/N, come here for a moment please,” Her own father spoke softly but with a harsh tone daring her to not comply. She did as he asked, her heels clicking against the expensive tile for the few steps it took to approach the two, another pair of heels joining them seconds later. “This is Mike and his daughter, she’s about your age.” He gestured to the man and (presumably) Kiara as she settled at her father’s side rather reluctantly.

“This is Kiara, Kiara, this is Y/N,” Mike introduced the two girls, prompting them both to smile politely at each other. “Maybe you two could hang out and talk for a little bit?” Her father suggested, giving Kiara the same tone Y/N’s father gave her seconds before. Forcing a smile onto her face, Kiara agreed.

“Sure, come on, I’ll introduce you to Sarah.” Kiara nodded her head towards the crowd, leading Y/N away from the stifling conversation of adults trying to kiss up to one another. The pair walked in awkward silence. Y/N could tell Kiara didn’t take too well to her parents using her or these parties to climb the social ladder either from the way her back flexed as she pushed her way through the crowd.

“Just so you know, I didn’t suggest that. They forced it upon me as well,” She let her know as the crowd started to thin, the two girls approaching the outskirts of the party. Kiara nodded, humming in understanding as she led them into another room with fewer people. “I didn’t even want to come to this, but my parents are determined that we need to be highly regarded in the eyes of these stuffy people - no offence, your parents seem nice-” She ranted, not even noticing that Kiara had stopped.

“None taken, my parents force me to these places for the same reasons and they are no better than any other parent at this party,” Kiara told her earnestly, making Y/N nod, thankful she understood what she was getting at. It seemed Kiara knew the tiredness and loneliness Y/N often found herself battling thanks to her parents' incessant need to appease people. “I think Sarah is outside, they just opened the doors to let everyone out so you should stick close to me, it’s like a feeding frenzy once the bar is open.” She advised, grabbing Y/N’s hand before she started pulling her towards the large glass doors of the room they stood in, following the stream of people searching out the expensive alcohol stashed behind the bar.

Y/N stumbled slightly, looking at the vast difference between what the outside patio was when they ate and what it was now. It was alive with string lights wound around the canopy and the lanterns littered through the grass. With the silver moon and the glow of the artificial light, it looked like a scene from a romance movie, but Y/N highly doubted the presence of some dashing stranger at a party primarily attended by middle and old-aged men. “Hey, Kie,” A girl's voice spoke from ahead, pulling Y/N’s attention from the setup. At the end of their small path, stood a blonde girl with her dress and her hair flowing in the summer breeze - making her look like a goddess, the lights creating a halo on her head. Her round cheeks became rounder as she smiled such a gorgeous smile Y/N was almost awestruck. “Who is your friend?”

“This is Y/N, the same Y/N this party is for, correct?” Kiara looked back at her for confirmation.

“Uh- Yeah, that’s me. Y/N L/N.” She confirmed with a startled nod, reaching her hand out for Sarah to shake. Gently and almost royally, Sarah shook her hand, the smile never leaving her face. Y/N had to take a moment to take her in. She looked so beautiful, it was almost like she was a princess - the main character of the romance movie they appeared to be in. While she was welcoming to the invitation of this beautiful girl into her night, Y/N couldn’t help but feel ridiculous that she let herself believe she would be the main character for the night.

“Sarah Cameron, Rose and your mom are friends,” She asked, earning another confirming nod from Y/N who found herself at a loss of words. She hadn’t expected to meet people who would actually want to talk to her, let alone people who she would actually want to talk to. She had assumed that everyone close to her age would be pompous, arrogant and self-righteous. “Rose hasn’t stopped planning this party or talking about your family moving here for at least six months. I welcome it since that means she’s distracted.” The blonde noted as the flowing music from the live band started to weave through the crowd. Y/N couldn’t help but look around. The backyard was practically flooded with people. Very few people were squeezing through the crowd with trays held high and most were the guests.

“So, this place, is it all rich people,” Y/N asked nervously. Leave it to her social status chasing parents to move her to a place filled with out-of-touch snobs. Sarah and Kiara started laughing, making Y/N brows furrow in confusion. “What? What’s so funny?” She pressed, looking between the two girls as they leaned against each other, their laughter fizzing out. Heat crawled up her cheeks as they wheezed for air. Had she misjudged the two? Were they really just like everyone else at the party? Or did they two feel the same dread and exhaustion she did at these parties?

“It’s nothing to do with you,” Sarah reassured her kindly, almost reading Y/N’s mind entirely as she righted herself, fixing her dress. “But I can see why you would think that since all you’ve gotten to see so far are parties trying to out-do each other. The island is much more than that.” She explained, her voice calmer now as she tried to wipe her eyes of the tears that were forced out by her laughter.

“It’s not all rich people who live here, but most of Figure Eight wishes it was just rich people - trust me on that-” Kiara was cut off by Sarah pointing off in the distance.

“My brother, over there,” She paused, making sure Y/N found the right person. Following the line of her finger, she spotted someone about nineteen standing around with a bunch of other guys, all nursing a scotch that didn’t appear to be sipped from yet. The group of them, they were exactly the type of guys she would suspect to be here. All sporting expensive coats and watches in such a flashy way it almost blinded her. “He’s one of those people so it might be best to steer clear from him the best you can.” She advised, letting Y/N take her attention away from the dirty blonde.

“Our friends are from The Cut, they are all working the party,” Kiara spoke again, rolling onto the balls of her feet, trying to see over the loud crowd. “Pope, he’s the smart one, is on the grill helping his dad.” She pointed over the heads. Peering around some people, Y/N spotted the boy almost completely hidden behind the open cover of the grill, only his backwards hat sticking out over the silver cover. He worked frantically from what she could see, his elbow poking out from behind the cover every few seconds making her assume he was wiping his forehead.

“John B is bussing tables, he’s my boyfriend.” Sarah smiled dreamily, pointing over to a boy swiping empty glasses from the tables already. Y/N could see him a lot better than Pope. He was tall, with sunkissed skin that she wasn’t sure was natural or from spending time at the beach, all matched with flowing brown waves on his head. Noting how Sarah gazed upon the brunette, Y/N could tell that their story was a great one that would be told time and time again and this was just another scene in their epic love story.

“I’m not too sure where JJ is right now, probably off somewhere hitting a blunt,” Kiara shrugged, searching the crowd for her other friend. “I’m sure you’ll meet him soon enough, you’re gorgeous and he’s JJ, he’s bound to flirt with you at some point,” She waved her hand, not concerned about her friend’s disappearance. “Hey, my parents are flagging me down for some stupid shit, I’ll find a way to keep in touch with you, Y/N, you seem cool!”

“Thanks, you too!” Y/N called after her, a bit shocked about being called cool, but Kiara was too far. Cringing when she saw a few people turn towards her, their noses in the air in disapproval. Sarah, having watched Kiara begrudgingly make her way to her parents, looked back at Y/N, a wide smile back on her face. Opening her mouth, she wasn’t even able to make a sound before an older blonde with a huge headpiece came rushing over to her.

“Sarah, you need to go find Wheezie, she’s MIA yet again and the Buchanan boy is looking for her. If we manage to get closer to them, they might hire me to sell their summer home in Peru.” The woman pleaded rudely, making Sarah send an apologetic smile towards Y/N as she was dragged away - leaving Y/N alone with her own thoughts once again. Sighing, she slowly turned to face the party once again. Spotting Kiara with her glowing complexion and white dress, she watched as the Carrera’s introduced her to some wealthy couple as if she were a show dog.

“So much for me actually enjoying the rest of this party.” She mumbled dejectedly as she grazed over the dance floor, almost completely occupied by people just standing there talking. With a warning glare sent from her mother, she stood up, plastering a fake smile back on her face, a facade of happiness and contentment being built back up. She had assumed by meeting Sarah and Kiara, it would open the door to actually having a decent night, but of course, for rich parents, it wasn’t a decent night unless they used their children to boost their egos and position within society. Suddenly, she found a boost of morale when her eyes spotted another busboy. On the other side of the sea of fancy dresses and suits, stood the most beautiful boy she had ever seen. Clad in the vest, crisp white shirt, and slacks that every other caterer wore, his blonde hair was perfectly styled in a way that told her it was normally a wind-tousled mess. Just by standing there, he had her completely speechless.

It was when he turned his face slightly towards her, his magnificently bright eyes landing on her, that she felt every ounce of vacancy, insincerity, and loneliness leave her body. Gone was the need to flick her eyes over the crowd, hoping that Kiara or Sarah would find their way back and rescue her. Now, all she wanted to do was stare at this boy and take in all of him. From how the yellow-tinted glow from the bulb lights reflected off his tanned skin to the way his eyes whispered to her from across the lawn. For the first time the whole night, she didn’t have to hide her true emotions and feelings. Instead, the awe and the smile she was feeling and showing were one-hundred percent real. Reaching across the dance floor, the words his eyes were trying to convey reached her like a message in a bottle. ‘Have we met before?’ The (what appeared to be from this distance) azure blue eyes asked her.

Heat rose in her cheeks once again, dusting them a noticeable pink that appeared to be a good enough answer for the wondrous boy. In a blink of an eye, she saw his silhouette weave through the crowd, his eyes locked on her frame no matter how many twists and turns he had to make around people. The bus pan originally clasped in his hands was left abandoned on the table, but it appeared that he didn’t care. When he finally stood before her, his chest rising and falling, slightly breathless from the trek to her, she found herself not worrying for him anymore. Shifting her eyes to accommodate the new view she had of him, her eyes locked with his yet again. The same eyes she once believed to be a light shade of azure were really a captivating cerulean. “Hello.” She breathed out, her breath being fully taken away by his presence.

“Hello, lovely lady,” He flirted, his eyes drifting from hers to flick around her face, taking in the features he hadn’t been able to see from across the lawn. “I haven’t seen you around, I would have remembered a face like yours.” He flirted so shamelessly and boldly. It didn’t even matter that Y/N had heard that exact same line thousands of times before - it was almost like a whole new line as it dripped from his lips but she couldn’t let him know that; not yet anyway.

“You would think that someone with a face like that would have a better line prepared.” She quipped, letting her eyes freely roam around his face. A smile tugged on one corner of his lips, growing into a smirk as he let her take him in.

“I was too overwhelmed by your beauty, all I knew was that I had to get to you before anyone else. I can't lose my chance to some rich mommy-boy with ten pairs of Sperrys in his closet.” He winked, playing into the scene they had set. Y/N, unusually bold and flirtatious in this moment, shrugged, her eyes floating to the crowd behind the boy for a split second, almost like a trick to see if he would try to get her eyes back on him - which he managed to do instantly by reaching his arm up to scratch his ear lobe, his muscles flexing under the tight sleeve of his button-down.

“That almost makes me sorry to tell you that you’re about an hour late, I was already flirted with by three men,” She sucked in a breath through her teeth, mocking sympathy. It was true, part of having rich parents is dealing with their distorted morals. They would rather sit back and watch their teenage daughter get hit on by old married men than have to network themselves. “But, if it makes you feel better, you’re the only one out of all of them that I actually want to talk to.”

"So I’m not out of the running yet I see,” He hummed, laying his palm out towards her, her eyes dipping down to look at it for a second. “Care to have a dance with me?” He asked when her eyes reached back up to look into his. He felt the weight of her hand sinking on top of his, making his eyes drop this time.

“I’m Y/N, just so you’re not dancing with a stranger.” She introduced herself before he could start to lead her to the dance floor.

“Ah, the guest of honour, the lady of the party, we finally meet,” He bowed to her, making her let out a laugh. She cringed when she heard it, knowing it wasn’t a dainty little giggle like expected in the situation, but she couldn’t help herself but to laugh, he was bowing to her as if she were royalty. The boy didn’t seem deterred by her less than cute laugh, instead, there seemed to be a flicker of sparkle in his eye at the sound. At that moment, Y/N could have sworn she had fallen in love. “I’m JJ.” He returned the introduction, standing up, her hand still wrapped in his. Kiara had been right, he did find his way to Y/N and she didn’t mind one bit.

“Pleased to meet you, JJ.” She nodded, giving a little curtsy before she could stop herself. Fighting the urge to cringe yet again while her cheeks flared, she was grateful that JJ simply started to lead her to the dance floor. Stepping onto the small deck platform which Y/N couldn’t even begin to guess it was used for when there wasn’t a party. It was even brighter, with the outer perimeter of lights on top of the ones that lined the dance floor alone, it was bright enough to land an aeroplane.

Once the next song, a slower song, started to play and JJ led her in the dance, Y/N seemed to blackout. She could feel the heat of JJ’s hand on her waist, the other one holding her hand as if they were truly at a ball, waltzing the night away. She could feel his back flex from where her fingertips lightly touched his shoulder blade, the muscles rippling with every move he made. She barely registered the way the skirt of her dress billowed as he twirled her, her hair fanning out and her eyes closing with laughter only to be pulled into his body, flush against each other - her breathing hitching as she felt his warmth and abs, his face inches from hers despite the height difference between them.

“Maybank,” A shout dissolved the fairytale land they had plunged themselves into, making Y/N gasp, pulling out of JJ’s grasp just as his face had dropped an inch closer to hers. “Back to work or you don’t get paid!” The man gruffed aggressively before looking back at his clipboard, talking into his earpiece.

“Don’t worry, my lady, this shall not be the last you see of me tonight.” JJ reassured her with a wink, running back off to the side as the man started to approach like an angry bull. Y/N, still a bit shocked, watched him, hoping and wishing with all her might that he was right - it isn’t going to be the last she sees of him. Slowly, the crowd morphed, blocking her view of the blonde who bewitched her mind and soul to only think and need him, as if he was Elizabeth Bennet and she was Mr. Darcy.

____

Lo and behold, JJ had been right, it wasn’t the last Y/N had seen of him. With every shift of the crowd, she managed to find him on the other side of the room, his eyes watching her just like when she first saw him. Every time, a swirl in her stomach and heat in her cheeks plagued her - a side effect of his gaze. Though, as happy as she was that he hadn’t managed to forget about her, she still wished for him to find his way to her yet again instead of his eyes whispering to her across the lawn. It wasn’t until now, as she was nodding along half-mindedly as Rafe Cameron talked that he did. “The restaurant in the Country Club is the best. My usual table looks right over hole nine of the golf course which is also where I got a hole-in-one.” He yammered on, bragging.

A gentle tap on her shoulder ceased the conversation, making her turn her head only to see the blonde she was waiting for all night. Extending his hand to her, she noted a piece of folded-up paper between his fingers. “Excuse me, I was instructed to give this to the Lovely Lady.” He clarified as Rafe seemed to breathe fire at JJ’s presence, his eyes burning dangerously into him.

“Thank you,” Y/N smiled brightly, her eyes seeming to sparkle as she plucked the paper from his hand. Turning to Rafe, her smile became less authentic. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to see what this is.” She dismissed herself, walking off to the side of the party once again, unfolding the paper. It looked like paper from a waiter's pad, ripped hurriedly. ‘Lovely Lady, I sensed you were in need of rescuing.’ The note read. Even without his name and with just meeting him, she could tell it was from the messenger himself. Lifting her eyes from the note, letting them drift over the crowd until they landed on the sharp blue eyes watching her as he walked through the crowd yet again.

“We meet again.” He breathed out once he stepped up to her, standing only inches from her.

“Looks like it,” She nodded, amazed that he kept coming to her. She wasn’t used to that kind of treatment from people who looked like JJ. “Thank you for the note and thank you for the lovely night-” She wanted to tell him about how he managed to chase away any darkness clouding over her this whole party, or at least tell him how bewitched she was with him since the first moment she laid eyes on him - but her mother and father swooped upon her, sensing any shred of happiness she felt and crushing it.

“Come now, Y/N, you don’t need to thank the staff and it’s time to leave.” Her mother grabbed her elbow, pulling her from JJ before either of them could say anything else. Stumbling slightly, Y/N hiked the long, flowing skirt of her dress up, wide eyes watching JJ in shock and disparity - wanting more time with him because she knew too well that it wasn’t guaranteed that they would see each other again.

“We will meet again, Lovely Lady.” He mouthed to her before the crowd once again separated them, too thick to see through. Being dragged by her mother into the darkness of the night, the shining lights of the party disappeared as they rounded the house, but the magic never left her. Especially when she saw the blonde hair step to the side of the party, watching her leave. Too preoccupied with the blush filling her cheeks as she thought over the night, she barely registered her mother dropping her arm, the three walking silently towards their house next to the Cameron’s.

It was as if the entire world around her was sparkling as she floated after her parents, her mind consumed by snapshots of the night. From the shared glances to the way their fingers grazed each other when she took the note from him. It was purely whimsical and so magical that she was convinced it was all a dream she would be woken from any second. “You should go to bed, we have brunch with the Cameron’s tomorrow.” Her mother advised, but her words went in one ear and out the other as Y/N stumbled up the stairs, her dress balled in her hands carelessly. Biting back a smile, she tried her best to hold in her squeals and excitement until she was safely in her room, high above the ground and extravagant beyond necessity.

With a click of her door and a twist of the lock, she nearly bounced to her bed, squealing all the way. Her body felt like it was consumed by light, shining through the dark of her room, rivalling the moonlight and glow from the party next door as they glowed through the windows. She felt like she had spent the entire night fusing and bonding and now, she was burning a bright light just like the stars in the sky, only continuing to shine brighter and brighter as she thought back to the night.

Sighing dreamily, she flopped down upon her large bed, nearly being swallowed by the fluffy comforter and heavenly soft mattress. She was completely and entirely enchanted by meeting JJ. Her head was spinning as she imagined what it would be like to date him. Imagining him showing up to her doorstep, proclaiming his love for her as he told her that he was also enchanted and bewitched by her. Letting out yet another loud squeal, Y/N rolled onto her stomach, kicking her legs out of pure excitement and romance as she buried her face in her pillow, the wide smile on her face hurting her cheeks.

But, just like with every star, it is destined for demise. The burning, the growing, the bonding, and the brightness of her happiness weakened before finally bursting like a supernova. Shooting up in the bed, she rushed to one of her many windows, looking out over the party, watching as it died down. From above, she could barely make out who certain people were, but she could spot the blonde who took up most of her night easily. Standing off to the side with two more workers (she could guess were Pope and John B), along with Sarah and Kiara, all standing and talking as people bid thanks to the hosts. “What if he has someone else? What if he already met his own Elizabeth Bennet?” She whispered.

She gazed upon them, watching as they conversed. Sarah and Kiara seemed to be ordering JJ to do something from what Y/N could see. She furrowed her brows, leaning closer to the window, trying to figure out what was going on. Sarah’s arm flew out to the side, her finger pointed right at Y/N’s house, the group turning to it. Even with her room darkened other than the light through the window, she didn’t want them to know she was spying, making her fall to the ground quickly with a thud on the hardwood floor. Gasping, she laid flat, her heart pounding and racing. Flopping onto her back, she blinked up at the ceiling, looking at the distorted shape of the window filled in by light from the moon. “Please don’t have someone else. Please don’t let this night go.” She whispered, clasping her hands to her chest as she pleaded with the universe.

292 notes · View notes

eberles · 3 years

Text

Meant To Be

Tyson Jost

a/n: if it seems a little familiar, it’s because this is a rewrite of a few blurbs from a while back! here is a link to my taglist! sorry is this is shit idek what i’m doing anymore lol

warnings: showering together, but nothing nsfw this is super soft

You and Tyson have been dating for a few months now, but you haven’t made the next step as to discussing if you were exclusive or not. You, of course, wanted nothing more, who could blame you? Tyson was perfect and everything you’ve been looking for in your past failed relationships; he was there for you and he was patient with you. Tyson never judged you when you constantly ordered the same food on dates and he loved that you pointed out every cow you drove past.

For you, it felt meant to be, like everything was finally falling into place, but could you tell him all that without scaring him off? The last thing you wanted was to push Tyson away, but after a couple months of doing whatever you were doing, you needed to know where it was heading with him. Tonight you were going to find out, and hopefully it went the way you planned out in your head.

“What colors are you doing, y/n?” you were currently making friendship bracelets with the young girl you nanny for. You already made one for each other, and now you were debating on making one for tyson as a silly gesture.

“I think I'm gonna do blue, maroon and white!” you smiled softly to yourself, deciding to match Tyson’s bracelet to the Avs colors.

“Pretty!” the 10 year old beside you giggled as she toyed around with the pink and green strands in her hand. You smiled down at her before starting your bracelet for Tyson, hoping he would find some humor in it. Were you planning on using it as a way to discuss your impending relationship status? Maybe.

Once 6:00 came, you were saying goodnight to Layla and her family before heading out. You immediately made your way to tysons apartment, already having an overnight bag in your car just in case you decided to spend the night. Which happened almost every time you went to see him. Tyson answered the door a few seconds after you knocked, a wide smile covering his face.

“Hey babe.” he pecked your lips, holding your hands in his as he pulled you into his apartment. “How was your day? How's layla?”

Your heart instantly swelled hearing Tyson use Layla’s name, it was something small but it meant he actually listened when you spoke and told him stories about the sweet little girl you nanny for. You followed him over to his couch, his hand taking its place on your thigh as you sat next to him. “My day was so good! I helped Layla with her homework and then we made friendship bracelets. Speaking of which...”

You pulled the one you made for Tyson out of your pocket, holding it out in your hands feeling the heat creep up onto your neck and face. Tyson smiled looking down at the bracelet in your hands and reaching out for it. “You made this for me?”

You hummed softly, nodding your head slowly while playing with your fingers trying not to focus on the soft look in his brown eyes. Tyson’s toothy smile never faltered as he admired the colorful string bracelet in his hands. “I guess I wanted to show my appreciation for you.”

“Well I love it.” Tyson leaned over to kiss your lips delicately, pulling away slightly to kiss your cheek too. “Can you put it on for me?” Tyson handed you the bracelet and held out his arm for you to tie it around his wrist.

“Oh you don’t have to wear it Tys, it was just supposed to be funny.” you laughed when Tyson shook his wrist in the air waiting impatiently for you to tie it for him so he could wear it proudly. “How does it look? Obviously it looks amazing because my girlfriend created it.”

“What?” you gasped, eyes widening as you heard the words confidently spill from his lips. He had never called you that before, at least not to your face, but you couldn't deny the butterflies taking place in your stomach or the tingles you felt over your body.

“Girlfriend? Unless you aren’t ready for that.” Tyson was getting visibly nervous at your shock and you could see slight worry in his eyes as his smile turned into a small frown. His plan was to call you his girlfriend in hopes you wouldn’t reject him immediately. Smiling at him, you wrapped your arms around his neck, leaning in close as you felt his hands creep up your waist.

“How about a kiss, boyfriend?” you whispered against his lips before closing the gap. The kiss was utterly sloppy, both of you smiling into it, too excited to contain your emotions. His hands cupped your face, his thumbs caressing your cheeks as you kissed, the smiles you both held slowly faded away as you melted into one another. Tyson pulled away looking into your eyes, admiring the way they twinkled as you looked into his.

“C’mon, it’s been a long day, let's take a shower and watch a movie.” Tyson stood up, taking your hand in his as he led you through his apartment towards the bathroom connected to his bedroom. Showering with Tyson was at the very top of a list of your favorite things, and now being an official couple it was bound to be even better than before.

Your shower tonight consisted of shampooing each other's hair and lots of sweet kisses, your heart pounding hard in your chest the entire time. Your arms were wrapped around his waist as you laid your head on your chest, feeling the warm water fall over the both of you.

“You are so beautiful - so fucking beautiful.” Tyson peppered kisses along your hairline and forehead in between his words as the two of you stood under the water. You felt like you couldn’t get enough of the man in front of you, pulling away you stood on your tippy toes to kiss him while intertwining your fingers with his.

“Your hands are so pruned.”

“You should see yours.” Tyson laughed, turning the water off just as it started to turn cold, and reaching out to grab towels for the 2 of you.

“Your hair is really soft after you wash it.” You and Tyson were sitting on his bed, him watching you intently as you pulled the towel off your head, your wet hair falling onto your shoulders. You smiled, feeling him running his fingers through your hair and tilting your head back to let him massage your scalp.

“Tyson, no!” you laughed, watching him grab your hairbrush, afraid he was going to rip all your hair out. He did a surprisingly good job, brushing from the bottom up, not ripping out any of your hair. When he was done you felt him start to play with your hair again. “Wait- what are you doing?”

“Ssh. Stop fussing. I’m just braiding your hair.” Tyson said calmly, delicately pulling the strands of your hair to braid them behind your head.

“And how do you know how to braid?” you questioned, turning around to eye him quickly. He smiled widely, a blush adorning his cute face.

“You act like I don’t pay attention to anything you do.” Tyson jokes, tickling your sides after he tied the hair tie around the end of the braid. You turned around on the bed to face him and planted a big kiss on his lips, feeling him smile into it. He really was an angel, and today was going in the books as one of your favorite days.

taglist: @samsteel @matbarzls @tysonsjosty @boqvistsbabe @imagines-r-s @joelsfarabee @ebonyyyy-e @2manytabsopen @calgarycanuck @softboybarzal @beauvibaby @chicagoblackhawkslover96 @heatherawoowoo @honeybearbarzal @besthockeyfics @fallinallincurls @stars-canucks @kaitieskidmore1 @bitchforbarzy @fiveholegoal @radiantroope @mitchsmullet @lovethepreds @no-pucks-given @mac-blackwood @twinklelilstarkey @whitesummerx @gillianallen79 @i-love-scott-mccall @butgilinsky @taiter-tots @ana-maa @iamtheblondestblonde @elitebarzal @lovenhlboys @tortito @islesnucks @dumbblondetrash @eniotnak01 @barzysreputation @sadgirlhockey @barzal-burakovsky @chaotictkachuk @bb-nhlqueen7

#tyson jost #tyson jost imagines #tyson jost imagine #tyson jost blurb #tyson jost x reader #nhl writing

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butgilinsky · 3 years

Text

there are answers in your silence // mb

warning; language, asshole (kinda toxic ngl) barzy, a sprinkle of asshole tito too, toxic relationship, mentions of cheating, angst- the whole thing is angst, carter hart

summary; where you and mat are falling apart faster than you can try to fix it.

word count; 8.3k+

a/n: hi guys! this is a rewrite/continuation of this blurb i wrote. the main pairing is mat x reader but there are a lot of carter x reader themes throughout. there won’t be a part two seeing as i don’t normally write for carter, and i like where it left off. if you have any questions i’d be happy to answer any(: enjoy!

add yourself to my nhl taglist!

You loved your job, truly. You loved photography, and you loved the opportunities you’d been given by joining the islanders organization, but you managed to make things messy for yourself. It wasn’t written into your contract that you couldn’t date the players, but it was assumed that you would distance yourself from them.

Mathew Barzal, however, threw caution to the wind when it came to that unspoken rule.

You were knee deep in it by the time you realized it was a bad idea. Most days were fine, the two of you were professional in the walls of the rink and you knew how to keep it under control. On any other day, you were capable of keeping it all under control just fine, but going to the rink and smiling at Mat from across the halls was not the same as coming to the rink when the two of you were neck deep in an argument. An argument that had been oncoming for a long time now.

You couldn’t focus on anything when you were arguing with Mat. You had fallen behind on editing this entire week, and now you were tiptoeing around the rink that you worked at because Mat was everywhere you turned, it seemed.

You kept your post at the glass throughout the entirety of the game against the Devils, trying to get yourself out of your head when Mat was in your camera’s line of sight. You took pictures of the whole team, you had to, it was your job, but it was hard to do that when Mat was smiling like an idiot after Tito scored, and you had to take a picture of their shared celly.

Even when he turned towards you and you sent him a gentle smile, the sight of his falling from his lips was heartbreaking. You knew he was mad at you, but the ache in your chest wasn’t able to recognize the fact that the two of you weren’t on the best terms.

Truth be told, this was anything but out of the blue. Mat had been on edge for a while now, and while you knew it had everything to do with hockey and how he was playing, it wasn’t easy to accept everything he had been continuously throwing at you. You had a lot going on, just like he did, and you didn’t have the time nor energy to exude on this week-long argument. A week long argument that had eventually shifted into radio silence from your boyfriend.

The next few days proved to be harder than you initially expected, no conclusion being found between the two of you. It was getting out of hand, if you were being honest, and now you had to fly to Philadelphia with the team for two games. You didn’t think all that much about the ride over to Philly until you were faced with your boyfriend happily sitting beside his best friend, not a seat for you in sight.

You sat at the front of the plane, shoulder bumping against Marty’s while you kept your head low and hopefully out of sight.

“What’s up with you and Barzy?” you huffed, shrugging gently and telling Matt that he could tell you as soon as he figured it out because at this point, you weren’t entirely sure what the two of you were arguing about either. All you knew was that Mat was mad at you and had been ignoring your calls and texts for the past three days.

It was confusing to most, given that when you and Mat were on good terms, it was impossible to not see the two of you together. You were both all smiles and giggles when you were around each other, but not recently. You were worried that your spark had died out, that whatever you had built over the last year was fading away with every passing moment, and you were out of solutions.

You had been lost in the Wells Fargo Center for upwards of thirty minutes when you ran into a boy who seemed like he could be your saving grace. He had a granola bar hanging out of his mouth and his eyes were glued to his phone screen while he walked down the hall in your direction. You weren’t sure who he was, but the Flyers shirt on his torso paired with the backwards hat on led you to believe he was a player and would therefore know the layout of the rink quite well.

“Hey!” you called out, just loud enough to have him looking up from his phone and over to you. “I’m really sorry to bother you, but I have no idea where i’m going.”

He laughed gently and slid his phone into his back pocket, not overlooking the Islanders logo on your shirt or your name tag that hung around your neck. His eyes were soft and his smile was endearing in a time where you barely had anyone else look at you over the last few days.

“No worries, though i’m not sure i should be helping the enemy.” you laughed gently, about to make a remark about the Flyers not being your favorite team either, but he spoke again before you had the chance. “Where do you need to be?”

Some time later after you learned that the boy’s name was Carter and he was the Flyers’ goalie, he showed you everywhere you’d need to be over the next few hours. He pointed out different rooms and halls that would be of great use to you and now the two of you were sitting in the middle of the empty seats, looking down on the empty ice.

“It’s weird, seeing it like this.” Carter whispered softly, more to himself than to you, but it caught your ear nonetheless.

“Not used to seeing it completely empty?” he shook his head, telling you that there’s usually always someone down there. Whether they’re cleaning or moving things around, there’s almost always somebody down there.

“Why are you here all alone, by the way?” you hummed softly, letting out a deep sigh with a smile that Carter was easily able to identify as forced. “Don’t you have a hot shot boyfriend that could show you around?”

“And how would you know that?” your voice was light, playful, and it showed in your smile that Carter easily matched.

“I’m not sure there’s a single person that doesn’t know what Mathew Barzal’s girlfriend looks like.” he tore his eyes away from the rink, looking over at you with a look that had your stomach turning, a lump starting to form in the pit of your throat.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” your voice was soft but the silence across the rest of the rink was enough to lift your words up to his ears, the far corner of his mouth twitching up ever so slightly as he registered them.

“Y/n!” you jumped, startled by the outburst from the top of the section, craning your neck around to lock eyes with your boyfriend. “Where have you been?”

You groaned, one that resided in the back of your throat and was only heard by Carter due to his close proximity. He sensed the agitation in your body language and the way your eyes fluttered shut while you took a deep breath to compose yourself.

“Y/n!”

“I’m coming!” you yelled back, muttering a small ‘jesus’ under your breath before pushing yourself onto your feet. “Well, Mr. Hart, thank you for showing me around. I’d be lost without you, literally.”

He laughed at your joke, though corny he thought it was cute. He shook your hand playfully and watched you climb the stairs to your boyfriend who was glaring at Carter even from his place all the way at the top of the section.

“What are you doing down here?”

“So you’re talking to me now?” His jaw clenched, muscles tensing as he soaked in your question. He had almost forgotten the two of you were arguing currently, too focused on getting you away from Carter to assess the situation properly.

“What am i supposed to do? Watch you cozy up beside the goalie I'm about to score a hatty on?” in any other scenario, you’d be laughing, chirping him for claiming that he was going to score a hatty tonight, but you couldn’t do that right now. All you could do was laugh bitterly, focused on the fact that the only reason he was speaking to you for the first time in three days was rooted in jealousy.

“I wasn't cozying up next to anybody, Mat. I was lost and he had time to spare so he showed me around the rink. That’s all-”

"That’s not exactly how it looked to me just now.” you rolled your eyes and walked past him, ducking around his shoulder and walking in the direction of the room Carter pointed out for you a few minutes earlier. “Y/n! We’re talking!”

“I’m busy! We’ll talk later!”

It felt like you were running across the arena during the game, opting to tie your hair back halfway through the first period when you realized you wouldn’t have your own post like you normally would. You were doing your best to get the best shots you could possibly get, but that unfortunately had you breathing heavily and worn out by the time the second intermission rolled around.

Mat hadn’t scored once yet, and you could tell he was getting aggravated. He was playing rougher than he normally would, and you could see chirps being thrown around the ice, almost always directed towards your boyfriend. He took them in stride most times, only opting for a clenched jaw or maybe a hard hit against the boards.

When the second intermission began, you were given the okay to take a breather from your job while your boss flipped through the photos on your camera, laughing when you opted to lean back in one of the stadium seats with your limbs spread out around you haphazardly.

When you were switching sides for the nth time of the night, you ran into Carter again, decked out in his gear void of his helmet, the same charming smile shining in your direction once he saw you.

“To what do I owe the honor?” he joked, earning a few questioning glances from the few teammates gathered around him, all turning towards you with soft smirks and knowing eyes. They knew who you were, a lot of guys in the league knew who you were.

Everyone knew who Mathew Barzal was, and his need to show you off to the entire world once the two of you began dating was loud and in everyone’s face. Everyone who followed Mat on instagram or opened up a gossip article every now and again knew your face, knew how you looked tucked under Mat’s arm. It also didn’t help that the boys surrounding Carter had heard about his adventure with you around the rink earlier today.

“Well if it isn’t Mrs. Barzal.” You bit the inside of your cheek, holding back the insult tickling the tip of your tongue and deciding to focus on Carter nudging him in the ribs.

“Ignore him, he’s not even sure what the word filter means.” One of the taller ones, hair down to his shoulders and bright blue eyes sending you a gentle look, tried to assure you that his friend was anything but thoughtful in moments like these.

“I guess that’s why they call him the team rat, huh?” Travis, who had no idea you even knew who he was, narrowed his eyes at you just before a small smile stretched across his lips.

“How’s the game?” Carter’s smile practically hung off of his lips, confidence bursting at the seams as he silently referred to the fact that Mat had threatened him with a hatty not too long ago, and the Islanders had only scored once all night long, and it wasn’t even Mat’s.

Going into the third period, the Flyers were up 4-1.

“I plead the fifth.” you said gently, hearing a few laughs erupt all around you.

“Looks like your hubby’s not getting his hatty tonight.” One of the boys who you didn’t know the name of sent you a gentle elbow into your arm, offering up a smile with his chirp.

“Looks like he’s not getting a lot of things tonight.” your eyes found Carter, who was already looking at you with a wide smile. You took a deep breath, prying your eyes away from the boy and looking around the small circle that formed in the hall. “Well, boys, if you’ll excuse me-”

“Y/n!” you sighed then, unable to suppress a physical reaction to having your name yelled across the hall for the second time today. You were annoyed, given that this was only the second time Mat was speaking to you today and it had all of the same intentions as his last attempt.

“Yes?” you turned over your shoulder to see not only Mat but Tito as well, both looking at you as if you’d grown two extra heads. Tito looked to Mat, expecting him to answer your questioning eyes, but he never did. He just stared at you, lips parted but never speaking.

Truth be told, you needed him to say something. You needed him to say something because he was the one that had left you in the dark this week. He was the one that was going through a time so tough he took it out on you. You did your part, but Mat had yet to do his part, and it was killing you on the inside.

“I have to go.” you took off in the direction you were originally walking, searching for your next post in the stands.

You tried to distract yourself, but it didn’t seem to be working. Your hands were shaky while you tried to snap shots as much as you could, and when Mat had a breakdown on the ice, it all went even further downhill.

Carter didn’t take the brute of it, which surprised you in all honesty, but you weren’t all that surprised when your number 13 was going hit for hit with their 11. Gloves were dropped in the last three minutes of the game, both of them walking away with sore knuckles and five minute majors.

You weren’t even sure what started it, seeing as you were trying to snap a picture of Tito taking a shot on goal, the other two dropping their gloves on a different part of the ice and out of your view. You couldn’t watch it, instead dug your chin into your chest and tugged on the roots of your hair in frustration. You knew that the Flyers were going to win, given their four goal lead and the Islanders’ inability to get their shit together it seemed. You knew Mat was going to hit a rough practice tomorrow, and it somehow made you more excited to have a hotel room to yourself and the morning off.

You didn’t see Mat until you got back to your room, shoulders slumped and exhaustion raking through your body. You pushed the door to your room open and jumped a foot in the air at the sight of your boyfriend sitting at the foot of the bed, hands clasped together in his lap and head hung low. He was anxious, you could tell by his posture and the fact that he wouldn’t meet your eyes.

A sick feeling resided in your stomach when a minute passed and neither of you spoke up, both waiting for the other to take the leap. Mat tried to collect his thoughts, despite having plenty of time to do so while he waited for you. He wasn’t even sure how he made it back before you, if he was honest.

“Where have you been?” it was a bad lead in retrospect, given that he showed no real care as to where you were at any other point in the week. That on top of the fact that he wasn’t supposed to be here in the first place made for a bad start to a hard conversation.

“Working, Mat. I do more than snap pictures of the team at games and run back home.” he knew that. He knew because he’d been the one that woke up in the middle of the night to you relentlessly editing things and piecing things together for a deadline. He was the one that woke up to an empty bed, finding you posted up at the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee beside you and your head burning from the strain on your eyes.

You didn’t, however, tell him exactly what you were doing. You were working, yes, but you kept specifics to yourself. He didn’t deserve specifics when he was acting like this. You deserved an apology, an explanation, quite literally anything more than you currently had before you had to give out your whereabouts.

“I’m sorry this week’s been the way it has. I just- there’s a lot going on right now and I can’t get it all under control.” you sighed, setting your camera bag down on the desk before standing in front of Mat

“It’s fine if you don’t have things under control all the time.” you set your hands on his shoulders and waited for him to look up at you, eyes filled with an emotion you couldn’t quite map out. “It’s not fine that you take things out on me when I didn’t cause you this distress.”

“I know.” he spoke softly, understanding that he was doing something wrong but not entirely providing a solution for it, nor figuring out a way to fix it. “I’m going to figure it out. I’m sorry.”

You nodded, accepting the soft kiss he silently asked for. You let him stay the night, though you couldn’t fall asleep. You leaned back into his chest, held his arm that was wrapped around you close to your chest, but you couldn’t sleep. You didn’t sleep for more than an hour or two before Mat’s alarm went off and he left for practice.

You were able to sleep after Mat left, only logging about three hours before your own alarm went off and you had to make it to the rink. The day seemed to be uneventful for a while, but when you finished all of the things you had to do for the day and found a seemingly decent restaurant to stop in on your way back to the hotel, you were met with four smiling faces that you recognized easily.

“Y/n!” Carter’s voice caught your ear easily, making you spin around in line, seeing the smiling boy give you a gentle wave from the table he was sitting at with the others, all who offered you a similar expression.

You held up one of your fingers, seeing four boys nod at you in response as they waited for you to order your food. By the time you ordered and paid, grabbing the number that the cashier slid across the counter to you and spinning around, there was a chair at the end of the table that Travis was sitting in, leaving the spot in the booth beside Carter vacant. All four of the boys were pointing at the seat, ushering you into it with wide smiles.

“Well this is a pleasant surprise.” you smiled warmly at the boys as you approached their table, sliding into the seat they vacated for you.

“You’re telling us.” Carter offered, his smile cutting through you just like it did every other time it was given to you.

Carter was cute, that much you could admit to. You hadn’t spent much time with him other than the other day when showed you around the rink, but you’d talked to him more than your own boyfriend in the past week so that was saying something. You were grateful for his hospitality, and even if you knew there was something else brewing beneath the surface, it wasn’t anything you were going to acknowledge and you certainly weren’t going to act on it.

The rest of the boys were nice. Travis was a bit of a pest, but Nolan was able to keep him under control most of the time. They balanced each other out and you were aware of that from the very beginning. Joel was a nice kid, not the loudest in the room but certainly not the quietest either. Overall you had a good time sitting with and talking to them, appreciating the good company in a time where you had felt pretty isolated.

They showed you a few places around Philly, sticking things within walking distance of the restaurant the five of you came from. It was fun, being able to forget about the chaos going on in your life for once. They even walked you back to your hotel, leaving you with each of their phone numbers to assist you in the rest of your time in Philly, and warm smiles.

Just as they were leaving, Carter hung back for a bit to offer you a softer smile than the one he was giving you throughout the day, his eyes telling you that there was something brewing in his mind, something he had been holding back about all day.

“I just wanted to say that you’re doing great. I don’t know what’s going on in your life, that much is obvious, but you deserve better.” he gave you one last smile and told you to call him if you needed anything at all before turning to catch up with his teammates.

Carter’s words hung in your mind longer than you would’ve expected. They made you rethink everything that had occurred in your life over the last few months, every up and down, every bridge you built both by yourself and with others. You wondered if you were where you were supposed to be, if this is where you were meant to be in life and how long you were meant to be there.

You loved Mat. You loved him completely, but there were things missing. You weren’t sure what it was, and part of you wanted to believe that you were just in the middle of a rough patch, but a greater part of you knew better. You knew that Mat was going through the thick of it, and your mind couldn’t help but wander over the chance that the time for you and Mat had run its course.

You went another night without sleep, the stress from overthinking yourself into oblivion making it impossible to get any consistent sleep throughout the night. It showed in the way that your bags were deeper, darker than normal and the way you yawned every few minutes. However, instead of dozing off in your seat or complaining about your lack of sleep, you grabbed a coffee with two extra shots of espresso on your way to the rink and threw yourself into your work.

You were neck deep in assignments, legs tucked under you and headphones stuck in your ears when a flash of blue entered your sight, prying your eyes away from your laptop and casting them up to the blue eyed boy from Quebec. He was looking at you like you’d done something wrong, like the world was on fire around you and you were holding a match.

You and Tito were good friends, especially after you started dating Mat. with the two of them being inseparable and Mat making a special place for you in his life, you and Tito naturally spent a lot of time together. You were good friends, honestly, but there was never a time when Tito took your side over Mat’s. Sometimes he passed judgment without hearing every side of every story, but you understood. You knew that Mat needed people to lean on when the two of you were in the thick of it, you just wished it didn’t morph Tito’s opinion on you.

“What can I do for you, Beau?” he hummed, a noise of disapproval that you had heard from him too many times to count. He sat beside you, not surprised to see you shut your laptop and turn your attention towards him.

“The two of you need to figure this out soon. You need to figure out what’s wrong and how to fix it, and by god you need to get him out of his head.” You could tell his intentions were genuine, that he just wanted his friends to be happy, but he wanted the two of you to be happy together, and you weren’t sure there was any more room for that.

“I’ve tried, Beau-”

“No, you haven’t. You haven’t tried, because when the two of you try, things get resolved.”

“You’re right. When the two of us try, we fix things. When the two of us work through things together, we come out of it alive. But you’re missing the big picture, Tito. the two of us aren’t trying. I’m trying. I’ve been trying. I try so hard, and he gives me absolutely nothing. He ignores me for days, only speaks to me when we fly out to a different city and he sees me interacting with somebody who isn’t him. It’s not my fault, Tito, and I know that’s hard for you to see because you’re so far up his ass that you can’t see the bigger picture but here I am. I’m here telling you how to see things for once and I’m begging you that you just hear me out.”

He was speechless, but nodded. He didn’t know what to say to you, but he wanted to hear you out because the crack in your voice and the exhaustion that was bringing tears to our eyes was breaking his heart right in front of you.

“I’m trying, whole heartedly. I ask what’s wrong and I offer solutions, and he takes none of it. He comes into my hotel room with a key, that I'm not even sure how he got, and he tells me he’s sorry but then nothing changes. He stopped coming over after practices, and gets annoyed when I have deadlines I can’t miss. I try and he doesn’t, and if that makes us fall apart then so be it, Tito, because I can’t fucking do it anymore.” your eyes burned, filled to the brim with tears you tried to suppress as Tito looked at you like you were fragile. He looked at you like you were the broken one, like if he even touched you on the shoulder you’d break into a million pieces.

“Y/n-”

“I have to go.” you stood up, grabbing your things that sat around your seat and took off in any direction that looked safe enough for you to escape the headspace you were slipping into.

You’d made it down one hall and around a few corners before you ran into somebody, the impact shaking you enough to have you distracted from the intrusive thoughts you were having. You looked up, met with soft eyes and a look of concern that had your heart sinking further into your stomach than it already had been. His hands reached out, brushing hair out of your face and holding your head back long enough for him to try to piece together what could be wrong.

“What happened?” your lip wobbled then, enough for your chin to twitch and have you bite down roughly on your bottom lip.

Carter grabbed your hand, the one that wasn’t gripping onto your laptop, and pulled you into a room not too far from your place in the hall. It was a small room, only met for equipment that had no other home, but it was enough to get you out of the wide open hallway where anyone would be able to see the breakdown you were about to endure.

He pried the items out of your arms, set them on the shelf beside you so your mind would be at ease with their safety, and wrapped his arms around you. He didn’t know you very well, but he saw the way you reacted to physical touch. He saw the way you leaned into hugs or shook people’s hands for a second longer than most. He made a judgment call within seconds, but he knew he did the right things when you pressed your face into his chest and let out sobs that you’d been holding back for weeks.

He didn’t pester you nor rush you, just held you in the room that could be classified as a closet and let you get everything out. You clung to him, and he held you softly, hands running up and down your back in a soothing manner while he waited for you to catch your breath.

When you did, he pulled back, soft smile still as heavy as it always had been. He waited for your cue, something to tell him it was okay to pry. He didn’t want to overstep your boundaries, and he had no idea where the lines were drawn so it was a dangerous game.

“It’s too much.” you whispered softly, closing your eyes gently while Carter hummed, not entirely understanding your words.

“What’s too much?”

“Everything. Everyone’s expectations, everyone’s thoughts and opinions. The fact that i’m trying to fix a relationship all on my own and still getting the heat for it not working out. Having a full time job where I can’t run away from problems in my personal life. I wish I was still in college, wish I wasn’t surrounded by these people who are staring at me like I’ve burned down the entire planet when I’m the only one that’s trying to save it.”

He listened the whole way through, not interrupting nor giving his unwarranted thoughts and while it was just a common courtesy, it was groundbreaking for you. To be able to pour out everything you’re feeling and thinking without someone trying to pick your brain on the subject was refreshing. You couldn’t remember the last time you put everything out on the table like that without seeing it knocked off right after.

“Hey” you looked up at him, sniffling softly and watching his lips turn up in a smile at the sound. “You’re okay. It’ll all be okay. If you feel invalidated or uncomfortable in the situation you’re in, there’s always an out. Even if it feels like there’s not, even if it feels impossible to claw your way to the exit, there’s always a way out. And if you need help getting there, I know a guy or two who’d be willing to help.”

Carter had a way of knocking you off of your feet with a simple sentence. His words cut through you like a song you’d never heard before, like lyrics that dig so deep you feel like it was written just for you. Carter was picking your brain in the gentlest way possible, and you were eating up every single second of it.

You thanked him for his comfort, for his ear and his wisdom. You were sure that there were things you would have to do in the coming days that would be harder than you could’ve ever imagined, but you were sure that they were necessary in order to better your life for yourself.

You were going to get through this.

All was said and one until the door swung open and you stepped out of the equipment room, locking eyes with the one person on the Flyers bench that didn’t know the meaning of the word silence. Travis meant well most of the time, truly, but that didn’t mean you’d spill all of your secrets to him.

But he smiled at you softly, noticing your red rimmed eyes and tear tracks on your cheek. He saw the look that Carter gave him from behind you and so he simply put his fingers up to his lips as if locking them shut and tossed the key over his shoulder. It was simple, but effective, and he truly had every intention of keeping the knowledge to himself, until he was standing on the ice face to face with the centerman that dropped his gloves opposite him the other night and well, Tk found an opening.

You weren’t sure what was said, nor who started it, but you were sure that in the middle of the second period with a tied game, tensions were not high enough for there to be multiple scrums on the ice.

No other fight mattered until your eyes locked in on Mat saying something, neck vein popping out and spit flying. Whatever he said must have struck a chord with Travis because in an instant, you saw Travis’s lips moving and Mat’s fist flying. It was his second fight in two games and it was highly unlike him to fight this often, but it seemed that he was on edge.

The tension didn’t boil down for the rest of the game, chirps only growing more intense and penalties being called more often than not. It was a head banger, a nail biter, and you were almost distracted from your work to watch it.

Mat was enraged by the time you got to him. His body picked up a couple more cuts and bruises, one that landed on his right cheek bone from a high stick in the beginning of the third. His knuckles were bruised from punching Tk and his eyes were darker than the bright blue color you adored.

You knew it had everything to do with you when the rest of the team sent you careful looks, both of disapproval and warning. You knew something was wrong, something had happened and you were unintentionally standing in the middle of it. When Tito passed you, a scoff dropping from his lips and his shoulder knocking yours gently, you knew it was bad.

“Beau?”

“Oh I'm not helping you out of this one.” he said softly, a careful look thrown over his shoulder at Mat who was glaring at you from his place against the wall. “You have to go fix that one by yourself.”

You wanted to shove him away from you, wanted to tell him that he was being ridiculous and unfair, but you didn’t. Instead, you let him grab his back and walk out towards the bus that would take you all to the airport.

“Mat-”

“I don’t want to hear it.” his voice was low and dark, an animosity dripping from his tongue that you’d never heard him use before. He walked past you, leaving the rest of the guys to let out low whistles and shoot you apologetic looks because in retrospect, they witnessed what happened on the ice. You still had no idea.

“It’s bad, y/n.” You looked over at Marty who stood a few feet away from you, throwing his bag over his shoulder and shooting you a careful look. “I’ve never seen him so mad.”

You sighed and thanked him, giving him one more thanks when he said he’d save you a seat on the plane and took off after Mat. he wasn’t too far ahead, but his angry strides took him far enough to send you into a jog through the facility.

“Mat, wait! Mat! Jesus, Mat just talk to me!” he paused in stride, turned on the balls of his feet and glared into you from his place across the hall.

“Frankly, I don’t want to hear it, y/n. I don’t want to talk to you, and I don’t want to be round you. I want you to leave me the fuck alone.” he went to turn again, hoping that that was good enough to get you off of his back for now.

“So we’re just going to ignore it until it blows over? That’s not going to fix anything Mathew!” he dropped his bag, loud and harsh against the tile beneath his feet. He spun around and strode up to, face to face with mere inches between you.

“There’s nothing to fix. You made your point, you chose your side, and you chose to throw me out to the wolves like I never meant anything to you. So yes, we’re going to ignore it for now but no, it won’t blow over. If you wanted to fix things you shouldn’t be shacking up with goalies in closets.”

“I wasn’t shacking up with anybody in a closet you douche. I was crying in that closet because you’re too stubborn to talk to me. I’m trying so hard, and you’re giving me absolutely nothing to work with. You send Beau to convince me to fix things but you’re not even trying, Mat! You’re the one ignoring me and I’m supposed to fix things?”

“You’re not supposed to cheat on me!” you bit down on your bottom lip, trying to suppress the emotions bubbling over currently. You were trying to get through this conversation but it was defeating, and having him yell at you in front of his entire team was not helping.

“I didn’t ch-”

“That’s bullshit! You expect me to believe you were just hanging out in there for fun?”

“She was crying, dude.” Mat looked over your shoulder at the same time you let out a string of profanities under your breath. Why he was here right now, you had no idea, but you had a feeling it wasn’t going to help any.

“You’ve got some nerve to be here right now.” Carter shrugged, showing no intimidation towards Mat at all. He wasn’t scared, wasn’t backing down, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to stand by and watch Mat scream at you for something you didn’t even do.

“You’ve got some nerve to scream at her like that.” When Mat moved you pressed both of your hands into his chest, steady and hard enough to keep him in his place, not even taking a step towards Carter.

A silence hung in the air, thick and uncomfortable like polluted air that clogged your lungs. Everyone could feel it but nobody made a move. Nobody stood up or down, not weighing in to the conversation with a viewpoint on either side. Everyone simply watched, waiting for you or Mat to say something to the other one, or maybe for you to say something to Carter.

Mat looked down at you, eyes still dark as they were earlier, jaw clenched and breathing fairly regular. He looked angry, angrier than he ever was off the ice. You wanted him to know you didn’t do anything with Carter, nothing more than crying into his chest about problems like the one you were currently stuck in. But then he spoke, he spoke and you felt everything around you wither away.

“Get on the bus right now, or we’re through.” he picked up his bag and gave both you and Carter one final glance before taking a few steps backwards. He was waiting for you to move, waiting for you to choose your side right here, right now.

“Y/n.” Carter’s voice was much more gentle than Mat’s, giving you a break from the screaming and crying. It broke his heart when you glanced over your shoulder and showcased red rimmed eyes and wet cheks just like you had earlier. He knew you were hurting, knew you were in a sticky situation that you couldn’t find your way out of, and all he wanted to do was help.

“Now, y/n.” you looked back at Mat, who had stopped walking by now and was raising his eyebrows in your direction.

It was harder than it should’ve been. You’d known Carter for just over 48 hours and while you appreciated everything he had done for you in the short amount of time, Mat was your boyfriend. Mat was there in times you thought you’d never make it out of. He knew you, knew how you operated. He knew things about you that you didn’t even know about yourself, and he held a piece of your heart in his hands, even if he didn’t protect it the way he used to.

You couldn’t walk away from Mat, but there was a hesitation in your movements. Your slow movements as you wiped your cheeks and walked towards him, head hung low and accepting the arm that was thrown around your shoulders.

You didn’t turn to see Carter’s face, didn’t even look up to see Mat’s. You didn’t want to see either of them, didn’t want to talk to them or hear what they had to say. All you wanted right now was to crawl into your bed at home and cast out the world around you.

“You made the right choice, baby.” The kiss that dug into the side of your head was anything but comforting, if anything it was degrading. It was his way of showing you that choosing him was the easier path, that he would’ve flipped the world completely upside down if you had turned on your heels moments ago.

You and Mat didn’t come to a conclusion that night. You didn’t resolve anything nor did you truly talk about anything. Instead, you let him into your bed and you let him drive away the pain that he caused over the course of the last few weeks. You let him convince you he’d be better, that he loved you and he’d do anything to be there for you. You let him convince you that he was the one for you, that nobody could make you feel the things that he did and while you believe all of this at one point, you weren’t sure you still did.

You added another night to the count of sleepless ones, basking in your thoughts and the ache in your chest after Mat dozed off. Having him just behind you was oddly comforting despite the fact that thoughts in your head were too loud for sleep.

Another week went by before anyone said anything, despite the few Flyers that were blowing your phone up with messages to check if you were okay and ask why you went with Mat when he clearly didn’t deserve an ounce of your attention. You explained that you loved him, that he was your boyfriend and you owed him a clean break if that’s what ended up happening. You also worked with the Islanders, and you couldn’t just stay in Philly with no way to get back home and hours away from work.

Carter had been receptive and understanding, though you weren’t sure you expected much else from him. He didn’t expect you to stay, didn’t even expect you to choose him over Mat, but he expected you to do better for yourself. He expected you to be strong for yourself, to offer yourself a better future than the one you were seemingly drawing up for yourself.

It wasn’t until you got a peculiar phone call that you were even thrown out of the routine of clawing your way through the night and chasing it down with a large coffee and one too many espresso shots.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Ms. Y/l/n?”

“This is she.”

“Hi Ms. Y/l/n, this is Chuck Fletcher with the Philadelphia Flyers. I was wondering if you had a minute to talk.”

You did a 180 after that phone call, pressed with another decision to make and seemingly no time to make it. You didn’t have many people to turn to about the decision, seeing as most all of your friends were biased in their decision making. Your friends loved Mat. They loved Mat and they loved going to Islanders games.

You called Carter after you hung up the phone, anger bubbling over to the point of tears by the time he answered the phone just to let you rip into him. You accused him of getting you the job as the Flyers’ photographer just to have you closer to him, just to pry you away from Mat and New York as a whole. You accused him of not even knowing your skill level, just using this as a ploy to ask you on a date if you showed up.

He listened the whole time, waited for a break in your words to ask if you were serious, to tell you that he’d seen your portfolio because his GM brought it over when he noticed Carter had spoken to you. He told you that he had no say in you getting this job offer other than him telling his GM about the sincere interactions he’d had with you. He put in a good word for your personality, but he never made a comment about your skill level.

Now, you had a decision to make. A decision that would lead to many other decisions, so you thought. You thought you’d have to make a yes or no decision that would snowball into so many decisions you’d be left to suffocate in unanswered questions. Little did you know that by making one decision, the rest were made for you.

“You’re doing what?” you sighed, trying to find the point in this conversation where you’d be left with a new job and a happy relationship, but it seemed as though that wasn’t in the cards for you.

“I’m moving to Philly-”

“It’s because of him isn’t it?” you shook your head gently, feeling the weight of the world trying to shove you beneath the surface. It was weighing you down, pushing you further and further until you reached the core of it all.

“It’s because it’s a better job for me, Mat.”

“How in the hell is a better job for you?” he didn’t believe you. Not after everything that happened. He didn’t think there were possibly any other explanations for your move.

“It pays more, the cost of living is cheaper in Philadelphia, I get more benefits with the Flyers and I get-”

“A new boyfriend.” you paused, took a deep breath. You tried to breathe through the panic coursing through your body, tried to assure yourself that you must have heard him wrong.

“A what?”

“If you move to Philly, you get a new boyfriend. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? You don’t want me anymore, you want him. So he gets you a big new fancy job and you get to leave New York, right? Because you didn’t want to live in New York your whole life so this is the time to get out. This is the time for you to leave your life behind, to start fresh and meet new people. It’s time for you to start looking for studios, right? For you to start booking freelance shit.”

He comes to the realization too late, when he’s already said enough things to hurt you for a lifetime. He realizes that you moving makes more sense than he wants it to. You never wanted to stay in New York for your whole life. Sure, if things with Mat ended up better than they did, you would’ve stayed for him in a heartbeat. You would’ve gone wherever his career took him because yours can truly be done anywhere, but he knew New York wasn’t your preferred state to live in.

The Mat you fell in love with, the one that took you on dates to your favorite restaurants and brought you home flowers just because, was finally coming back to the surface. The one that offered you his heart on a platter without asking for it, and treated yours with the gentlest touch. You were seeing him again, for the first time in a long time. You wanted to hold onto him, to open up your heart and make room for him again but the truth was there was no more room. You’d vacated a space for him a long time ago and he threw it away. It was too late for that Mat to come back.

“It’s giving you room to grow right? But the growth is different this time. The growth is away from me, apart from me. The growth is individual now, all on your own, but that’s good. That’s good because you need to grow and I- I’m not right for you anymore.” he started shaking his head, letting the dam of tears that he had kept in for so long finally burst.

You were there to catch him, to hold him tightly and kiss his damp cheeks. You were there to assure him that he deserves the world, that you tried to give that to him but truthfully, maybe you just weren’t trying the right things. You assured him that he wasn’t a bad person, that he wasn’t good for you but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be good for somebody else.

You were there to catch Mat when he fell, and you helped him stand back up again.

Now you were walking away, your head held high and a smile finally living on your lips as you assured him that this was good for both of you in more ways than one. You were going to be okay, and you were sure that Mat was going to be okay too.

So you moved to Philly. You moved into an apartment not too far from the rink, one with a cheese steak place right around the corner. You started working with the Flyers and seemingly fell right into place with them. You made friends and found your footing, feeling like everything leading up to now was exactly for this. All of the pain and hardships you endured was for this, for you to feel like you had finally done the right thing for yourself rather than for everyone else.

You made the right decision.

italics mean it wouldn’t let me tag you!

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