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butgilinsky · 9 months

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i should’ve fought harder | tj

warning; language, mentions of drinking, mentions of violence (its hockey babe)

summary; What happens when you both find out that your messy breakup was the biggest mistake of all?

word count; 5k+

this is for @typical-simplelove as a part of @wyattjohnston summer fic exchange💓i hope you enjoy it bb

You’d be lying if you said you cut him off entirely after that night. It was nearly impossible to cut him out of your life after all you’d gone through together. Sure, it only spanned over a year in all actuality, but it felt like you had spent an entire lifetime by his side. Now you were expected to do a complete 180 and pretend like none of that ever happened? It didn’t feel possible.

You’d also be lying if you said you wanted to cut him out of your life. You weren’t the one that wanted to end things in the first place. You tried to work through all of your differences, tried to work through the different lives the two of you led. You tried everything you could possibly think of, but none of it was enough to save the life you’d built with Tyson.

It also didn’t help that you had heavily intertwined your lives before breaking things off. You were one of the first things that grounded him in New York. Too many nights were spent with him expressing gratitude for your presence helping him adjust. Despite your many reminders that he had friends on the island and in the city, his appreciation was always given to you.

You still got questions about him, despite all of your friends knowing that you weren’t together anymore. It didn’t matter that the break up was messy, nothing was enough to get people to stop asking. It probably didn’t help that you still hung out with mutual friends.

He experienced the same thing to a certain degree. It was a weak spot for him. His teammates only used it as fuel when he was having an off day. He'd never admit it, but it was the one thing that really set him off when he was on the ice.

He was always able to step away from his personal life when he was on the ice. He used to be the best at it, but with the newfound ammo, there was something that would set off Tyson Jost every single time.

It's not like he advertised it, telling every other team in the league that the only thing they had to do to rile him up was mention your name. Once one person caught on, it felt like every hockey player in North America knew about the boy’s soft spot.

He'd gotten into two fights this week alone, which wasn’t like him. It might have been more than two if Jeff hadn’t been there to talk him down from the ledge on more than one occasion.

He didn’t know you still watched his games. In fact, he thought you’d rather drop dead than show up to another hockey game. He didn’t know that you’d asked Jeff to get you into the first few games after the breakup, since you’d sworn the winger to secrecy each time he helped you.

Eventually you resorted to watching their games in your living room, wrapped in the last sweatshirt he left at your apartment, a bottle of wine sitting on the coffee table at the ready. You didn’t even bother to pull out a glass.

The first fight, although confusing, was written off by you initially. He played hockey, fighting was practically inevitable. It wasn’t a part of his game usually, he wasn’t the most violent player, especially in New York. The second fight of the week, however, raised some concern in your chest.

Jeff had texted you after both games, assuring you he was okay and that the game just got the better of him. You weren’t sure it was true but appreciated the sentiment anyways. Tyson had been on edge for weeks, but Jeff wasn’t going to tell you that. He didn’t think it would do either of you any good.

Then there was the night that he was on the end of a nasty hit, one that had him hunched over on the ice for longer than anyone wished he’d been, gripping onto both sides of his head after violently ripping off his helmet.

You were at work, hand over your mouth as you stood at the bar, frozen in place. There was a tray of drinks sitting in front of you, getting warmer with every passing second, but you couldn’t move.

“Y/n.” Reyna, your best friend at work, gripped your elbow gently to tear your focus away from the screen. “I'll take these. You go check your phone.”

You mumbled the table number to her quickly before flying to the back room, fishing your phone out of your bag quickly and trying to think about how to go about this.

You couldn’t call him. He'd be confused at best. He probably wouldn’t answer. You couldn’t call Jeff, he was still on the ice. In fact, every other person you thought of calling was out on the ice. Even Mat was in the middle of a game. You’d have to wait for intermission.

So you texted Jeff, knowing you wouldn’t get a response quick enough, but figuring it was better than any other option you had.

i’m at work, but i saw the hit. just please tell me he’s okay.

You had to go back out and clear the rest of your tables. It weighed heavily on your chest for the rest of your shift. Two more grueling hours had passed by, and when Tyson never came back out onto the ice, you knew something was wrong.

You lunged for your phone after clocking out, ripping it out of your bag and fumbling to punch in your passcode.

minor concussion, massive migraine. he’ll be alright, but he’s out for a few weeks.

You pinched the bridge of your nose, sighing heavily both out of relief and in slight distress.

You remembered a time where you’d spend nights running your fingers through his hair gently, massaging and softly scratching at his scalp to soothe his migraines. You’d sit in the dark for hours, barely even speaking while soft music filled the room.

His head would sit in your lap or on your chest, your nails running up and down the span of his back. Then there were the days where he was so sore he could barely move. You’d spend hours rubbing out knots from his muscles and doing anything you could think of to help him relax.

You couldn’t do any of that anymore. It wasn’t your job anymore.

You thought it would get easier. You thought that it would get worse before it got better, but as weeks turned into months, you began to realize that things may never get better. You couldn’t let go of him.

His words would replay over and over again in your mind, a loop that had no ending, it seemed.

“I’m tired of fighting, Tys.” you sighed, your shoulders slumping as you watched him lean back into the couch.

“Maybe if you didn’t stick your nose in my business all the time, we wouldn’t have to fight.” He lifted the hat off of his head and ran his fingers through his hair, not missing the way your eyes followed his hand before he placed the hat back onto his head.

“I'm sticking my nose in your business? You haven’t spoken to me in almost three weeks!” your voice raised again, earning a guttural groan for the boy as he rose to his feet, standing just above you.

“Talking to you is exhausting sometimes.” His voice was calmer than yours, and he didn’t have the same wall of tears built up in his eyes that you did. He was angry at you for whatever reason and your heart was breaking. This might be the final nail in the coffin of your relationship.

Your bottom lip wobbled as you looked down at your feet, feeling him brush past you as he headed towards his bedroom. There wasn’t a single touch or glance as he hurried by.

“I don't think this is working out.” you shook your head, sniffling in an attempt to suppress the tears that threatened to spill over.

“You don’t mean that-”

“Yes, I do. What don’t you understand, Y/n? I don't want to be with you anymore. I don't want to deal with this shit anymore.” The venom dripping from his voice was hard to shake off. He never sounded like that with you. Disbelief flooded your senses as you stared at a boy you weren’t even sure you recognized anymore. “Just go, y/n.”

“Tyson, please-”

“Just get the fuck out, y/n!”

It seemed like a bad dream every time it replayed in your mind. The way he slammed the door shut behind you. The way he waited two weeks to call you, only in search of a sense of comfort that he knew you’d be willing to give him.

You ended up in Tyson’s bed three times after that, each one breaking your heart even further as you neared the realization that he wasn’t going to change his mind. It was a hard pill to swallow, and the void was still a large hole in your chest, but you had come to the understanding that you and Tyson needed to be separated in order to get through this.

He returned back to the ice as soon as he was cleared to play, throwing himself into it more than he ever had before. He barely talked to anyone outside of the team, and people were running out of ways to reach out to him.

The first time the two of you ended up in the same room together was completely accidental. Tyson had made sure he didn’t end up at your restaurant on nights out, always too scared that you’d be working the same night. even on days he knew you never worked, he didn't risk it.

You let your friends pick the bar that night, which seemed to be a mistake now. You should’ve just picked one. You would’ve picked one you knew he never went to. But as your luck ran out, you found yourself pressed against the bar, flagging down the bartender when a hand landed on your back.

You turned over your shoulder, not being able to stop the wide grin that spread across your lips. You threw your arms around Mat’s neck, hugging him tightly and listening to him chuckle beside your ear.

“Haven’t seen you in a while.” Though you hadn’t seen him in a few months, you had heard from him just last week.

“I know.” You stopped yourself from scanning the bar over his shoulder and settled on letting your eyes settle on the boy in front of you.

Mat and Jeff were two of the only mutual friends you shared that still reached out. The rest of the sabres had taken obvious sides to “keep the peace”. Jeff knew you better than they had so it was difficult for him to cut you out. Especially when he knew how your brain worked when you were alone. He knew you needed some line of connection to Tys.

Mat’s situation was a little easier. Though New York wasn’t all that large, being on a different team made it easier for Mat to separate you from Tyson in his mind. It wasn’t often that he saw Tyson between their schedules, and he’d never stop pointing out the obvious.

Mat introduced the two of you when Tyson moved to Buffalo. He knew he needed good people around him after his hectic years since Colorado. You l didn’t live far from Tyson, and Mat’s raving review of your restaurant put the final stamp of approval on it all.

“You can ask, you know?” you shook your head, chewing on your bottom lip nervously.

“I don't need to ask, Jeff. I know he’s here, and I know that he probably knows that I'm here. It’s not like I can ban him from stepping foot into the same building as me.” Even if you wished you could. Your head snapping back to the bartender as he sets four cups on the counter in front of you.

You reached for your wallet just as your wrist was caught in Jeff’s grip. He told the bartender to put it on his tab that he had started not too long ago. You thanked him and he waved you off quickly.

“How is he?” Your curiosity got the best of you, seeing as you hadn’t spoken to Tyson in so long that you weren’t sure how he was truly doing off the ice.

“Awful.” Jeff offered you a sad smile, letting a heavy sigh pass his lips. “He fucked up, y/n. Maybe beyond repair, but he hasn’t been the same since the two of you split.”

You took a sip of your drink, hoping that the alcohol would wash away the nerves growing in your chest. You knew Tyson had at least some regret from the way things ended. You had drunk voicemails to prove it. That didn’t mean you were ready to jump back into something that ended the way it did. Part of you never believed it was entirely genuine.

“I have to go back to my table, but it was nice to see you, sunshine” he nodded, letting you wander off with one last smile.

You flung yourself into the empty seat at your table once you returned, throwing your head back against the wall as you let out a heavy sigh. It caught the attention of your friends, who were quick to ask what was wrong before you heard a gasp from beside you.

“Out of all the bars in the fucking city?” you nodded, following her line of sight only to be filled with instant regret.

He was laughing, a wide grin on his lips as his head tilted back ever so slightly. You felt your stomach twist, nausea mixing with nostalgia as you longed to hear the sound he was creating.

“Drink this.” you turned to your friends, head slightly foggy as you pulled yourself out of your current headspace.

You don’t know when they got shots, but you were quick to throw one back, and one more before Selena was gripping onto your hand and pulling you out of your chair.

You could barely hear the song, just feeling the bass in your hips that moved sensually. You laughed loudly at your friends around you, pressing themselves against you in an attempt to distract you. It had been slightly successful and you almost forgot about the boy’s presence at the bar.

You hadn’t thought much of it as you told your friends you’d be back after a bathroom break. They stayed in the middle of the crowd, though they did keep their eyes on you as you slipped into the hallway with the bathrooms.

When you walked out, wiping the excess water off onto your jeans, you almost ran right into someone, eye level with their chest as you almost sputtered out an apology.

Almost.

Your breath caught in your throat at the sight of him, right in front of you for the first time in months. He clearly didn’t know what to say anymore than you did, because it took a minute for you to spit out a coherent thought.

“Hi.” you spoke softly, wanting nothing more than to kick yourself for being such an idiot.

“Hi.” his voice was just as soft, barely reaching your ears over the loud music.

You froze then, your mind void of all thoughts you previously had. You didn’t know what to say, and you didn’t know if you should say anything. You hadn’t spoken to him in months, what were you supposed to say now?

“Y/n, listen-”

“Y/n!” you turned to the sound of your name being called, eyes landing on selena who stood at the other end of the hallway with hands on her hips. “We ordered shots!”

Selena knew what she was doing, and you and Tyson both knew that. She wasn’t trying to be all that discrete, her eyes burning holes into the side of Tyson’s head as she silently tested him. She expected Tyson to try to fight back against her, fight to keep you in front of him for just a moment longer, but he didn’t.

You nodded, glancing at Tyson one last time before walking towards your friends and grabbing your savior’s outstretched hand. You squeezed it softly, thanking her for helping you once you were out of earshot.

You probably had three more shots before the boys saw you again. You were level headed enough to walk, but your filter had completely left you as you let your muscles finally relax.

Your night had taken a turn for the better until you felt an unfamiliar set of hands land on your hips, gripping you tighter than you wanted to be held. You turned over your shoulder, moving out of the grip of the man you were unfamiliar with.

“What's wrong, gorgeous?” you rolled your eyes, annoyed with the fact that he felt entitled to a reason why you didn’t want his hands on you.

“Don’t touch me.” you shouted over the music, turning back around towards your friends when you felt his hand back on you.

This time his hands were off of you before you had even moved, confusion flooding your system as you turned around. You were drained of any intoxication you currently felt as you jumped to pull Tyson back, not wanting him to get caught in a bar fight just after he returned to the league.

“Tys, stop.” you moved in front of him, your hands flat on his chest to keep him away from the other guy. His nostrils flared in anger, his eyes not even looking down at you as he looked over you to glare harshly at the guy behind you.

“You can’t get into a fight right now. You just made it back to the league.” his eyes snapped down to you then, his face draining of any anger he previously felt as a soft smirk inched up his lips.

“You’re keeping tabs on me?” you rolled your eyes then, huffing in newfound annoyance as you dropped your hands from their place on his chest.

You took a step towards your table, only to be pulled into a familiar pair of arms. you avoided his eyes until he brought a hand underneath your chin, tilting your head back far enough to look up at him.

“Come home with me.” you sighed softly, eyes fluttering shut when his hand moved from your chin to your cheek.

He smiled when you leaned into his palm, pressing a soft kiss to the heel of his hand before looking back at him. The phrase of denial sat on the tip of your tongue, threatening to fall past your lips despite you wanting to give in more than anything.

You looked over his shoulder, catching sight of your friends who had different expressions adorning their faces. Selena clicked her tongue in disapproval, shaking her head gently at you and watching your shoulders slump in defeat.

“I can't.” you pulled his hand away from your face slowly before walking past him, towards your friends but not stopping to address them.

You gathered your things from your table and grabbed your card from the bar before walking out of the bar, leaving your friends and Tyson back in the bar behind you.

You shouldn’t have been all that surprised when he ended up in your restaurant just a week after that, letting profanities slip underneath your breath when Reyna gave you the heads up that they were in your section.

She offered to take their table, but you told her you had it under control. Besides, it’s not like he came alone.

You couldn’t help but smile when they clapped at the sight of you. The loud interruption wasn’t all that surprising for the tables around them, given that it was a sports bar in New York. There were always people screaming and clapping from tables.

Tyson sat in the aisle seat, which you noticed within seconds of seeing their table. Jeff sat beside him, offering a warm smile when you finally reached the table. Mat and Anthony sat across from them, and you noticed another table of hockey players just beside them, another table in your section.

“What did I do to land all of you guys in my section?” Your smile was refreshing for Tyson to see.

He hadn’t been able to get you off his mind for the past however many months, but the last week was brutal. After having you right in front of him, leaning into him like you used to do, he knew there was no going back. Any progress he made, which wasn’t much, was lost the second you pressed a feather soft kiss against his hand.

“We asked for you.” Owen beamed at you from the next booth over, hissing out in pain when Jeff reached over the back of his booth and hit the back of his head.

“You weren’t supposed to tell her that, idiot.” you laughed at the interaction between the boys before your head fell to the side.

“Can I get you drinks?” they all fired numerous drink orders at you, but you took mental note of them before smiling warmly and telling them you’d be back in a minute.

You tended to your other tables as well as theirs, bringing everyone drinks quickly before you stood in front of their table with a pen and a notepad, writing down their orders with ease.

When your eyes landed on Tyson, a corner of your mouth curled up gently.

“Same thing?” he nodded, smiling when you scribbled his order down from memory.

You didn’t notice that every time you’d check on them, you’d set a hand on Tyson's shoulder, the other resting on your hip as you looked over the eight of them. It was usually quick, but Tyson felt a fire underneath his skin every single time.

You had expected him to ask something similar to what he asked you the week before. It shocked you to find two empty tables, multiple checks left on the table with various different messages written across them.

The only thing he left you with was an uneven heart at the bottom and a tip that had your eyes practically popping out of your skull. It was something he jokingly did when you were dating, but that was then, and this was now.

In theory, you should’ve probably called him. You should’ve reached out, even if it was just to scold him about the tip that he left you. He was hoping you’d call, checking his phone every five minutes for the rest of the night while his leg bounced in anticipation, but you never did.

He was disappointed, but he thought that was selfish of him. You didn’t owe him a phone call. He'd broken up with you, after all, and you were the one that made this entire process easier than it should’ve been.

You should’ve screamed, should’ve pushed him away after all he’d put you through. The two of you had ups and downs, riding an emotional roller coaster all the way to the end. but you couldn’t push Tyson away. You couldn’t cut him out even if that had been what you wanted.

You couldn’t get rid of him, and you didn’t want to.

Jeff had practically choked on his drink when you told him you planned on coming to their next home game. He had to drop his phone into his lap in order to finish coughing up a lung, assuring his teammates he was fine and the liquid had just gone down the wrong pipe.

Tyson gave him a hesitant look, not exactly believing that nothing had triggered Jeff’s coughing fit, but didn’t push the subject. If Jeff wanted to keep things from him, he would. There was no breaking that boy once he told himself he’d keep a secret.

Tyson had no idea you were sitting in the crowd. You were a few rows away from the glass, the jersey you’d usually wear still stuffed in the back of your closet. The hoodie you wore, however, did have the familiar logo on the front of it, with the same name and number that you used to wear every other night draped across your back.

It wasn't until he had scored a goal with two minutes left in third period, screaming at the top of his lungs and skating around the back of the net that he saw you. He stopped dead in his tracks, eyes locked on you even while his teammates tackled him with massive hugs.

Jeff turned to follow his line of sight, smiling widely and waving at you. you waved back, watching Tyson turn towards Jeff and mumble something before the shorter boy shrugged, laughing when Tyson shoved him playfully.

He turned back to you, eyes filled with a slew of emotions you weren’t able to unpack in the short moment. His lips moved, mouthing a desperate ‘please don’t leave’. You nodded, assuring him you’d stay put after the last buzzer filled the arena.

You kept good on your promise, staying in your seat even as the people around you filed out of the arena. you expected to wait for a while, given that he’d no doubt have to do a media run before he’d be given the chance to shower and change, so you were surprised when he came barreling down the stairs not even twenty minutes later.

You laughed gently when he almost flew right past you, his momentum making it difficult for him to stop on the right row of seats. He watched you stand up and make the short distance over to him, his jaw dropped and mind reeling too fast to form a coherent thought.

“Hi.” you spoke first, seeing the mental roadblock he was currently facing.

He didn’t know why talking to you right now was so difficult. He has just spoken to you two weeks ago, sitting in your restaurant for hours, and that didn’t seem as daunting as this did. maybe it was because you were wearing his name across your back. maybe it was because this is the first game he’d seen you in months.

Maybe it was because he was still head over heels in love with you.

“Hi.” it came out in a breath, almost like he couldn’t believe that he finally got a single syllable past his lips. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see Skinner.” you shrugged your shoulders, waiting for a second before a wide grin spread across your lips, a similar one finding a home on Tyson’s.

“I thought I’d never see you in here again.” it shouldn’t have knocked the wind out of you, shouldn’t have come as such a surprise.

“Well, here I am.” he nodded, unsure of where to go from here. He didn’t know what this meant, but he was desperate to find out. “Tys-”

“I’m so fucking sorry. About everything I ever said or did that crossed the line. I'm sorry I wasn't the boyfriend you needed me to be, and that I didn't love you hard enough when things went to shit. I’m sorry I fucked it all up, because I swore U wasn’t going to. I told you I was going to be there for you even when it seemed impossible, and I didn't follow through with that and i’m sorry.

“Not a single day passes by that I don't think about you, that I don't miss you. I love you with everything I have and I should've shown you that when we were together, but I didn't. I don’t know how to make up for all of that time, but I need you to know how fucking sorry I am.”

He barely even realized he was rambling, shooting off at the mouth too fast to think about what he was saying. He missed the smile inching up your lips as you listened, letting him get everything off of his chest.

“I should’ve fought harder. I shouldn't have let hockey get in the way of it all. We both had our own shit we were dealing with and instead of trying to help each other through it, I thought isolating myself and shutting you out would make it easier. I was an idiot, y/n, and I know that’s no excuse, but-”

Your hands reached for his head, holding it between your palms and bringing him down to meet you halfway. His lips felt familiar, a sliver of home that you had been missing for months. The rhythm came naturally, moving against each other like you had never been apart to begin with.

You were both slightly out of breath by the time you pulled back, foreheads resting against one another as you both smiled like idiots.

“I love you. I always have, and I always will.” you whispered softly, leaning up to place one more kiss to his lips. This one was softer and shorter, but it was enough to have Tyson’s heart beating at a mile a minute.

“I don’t think I'll ever be able to love another person the way I love you.”

You tilted your head back, just enough to disconnect your foreheads so you could look up at him properly. Your thumb ran across the skin of his cheek, and he leaned into your hand just like you had done at the bar. His lips were soft as they pressed to the pad of your thumb, sending a jolt of electricity down your hand and through your arm.

“Take me home.” you whispered softly, watching his lips turn up in a smile wider than one he’d ever worn before.

“I’ll take you anywhere you want me to.”

#tyson jost #nhl fic #hockey fic #nhl imagine #buffalo sabres #tyson jost x reader #summer fic exchange 2k23

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butgilinsky · 9 months

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@matthewtkachuk i’ll be sending you my therapy bill for sending me this fic

Soft Spot

Azriel x Reader

Word count: 3k

Synopsis: Azriel is very particular about his lovers; typically hard-hearted women chosen so they don’t develop an emotional attachment. Reader is one of these lovers, except she’s the sweetest and cheeriest on his roster. This causes Az to begin breaking his rules about intimacy, especially when she unwittingly ends up at his home for work one evening and spends the night.

Warnings: Smut

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Azriel Shadowsinger. Methodical, efficient, focused. Rigid dietary habits, discipline in training, unwavering proficiency in espionage. The spies he trained were held to that level of diligence—hell, even the priestesses he oversaw knew he expected order even in his absence.

That detail orientation carried over to his sex life. The lovers he sought were deliberately chosen to allow him to maintain the level of control he desired. Women that understood what he wanted—how he wanted them. Women that didn’t grow emotionally attached, that understood it was purely a physical transaction. Women that he could keep from his busybody family, situated in parts of Velaris that weren’t in their usual line of frequenting.

Azriel found a positive correlation between softer, sweeter women, and their likelihood to form emotional attachment, and an equally positive correlation between women who fucked rougher, who were colder, more jaded, and their ability to remain unattached. Those who didn’t demand he slept over after, that he take them to dinner.

You were the closest thing to an exception, being the cheeriest on the roster, yet you never displayed any attachment to him. Never looked disappointed when he left without eating breakfast. That was one of the things he liked most about you; you were lively—more than any of his other lovers—so he could enjoy the more girlishly charming, satiating parts you offered, but you stayed within the limit of his preferred emotional detachment. It was like a controlled dosage of indulgence.

Keep reading

#rip my heart out and feed it to this man #jfc i love him #fic rec

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butgilinsky · 11 months

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SEBASTIAN STAN THE 355 (2022)

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butgilinsky · 11 months

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— Iain Thomas

@pscentral event 15: favorite ship | Peter Parker x Gwen Stacy

What makes life valuable is that it doesn’t last forever. What makes it precious is that it ends. — Gwen Stacy | The Amazing Spider-Man 2

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butgilinsky · 11 months

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life actually gets better when you leave the house consistently btw like im serious

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butgilinsky · 1 year

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and just like that, the exchange has come to an end! thank you to everybody who participated—all 43 people!

if you take the time to read these fics, take the extra minute to reblog it and let the writer know how much you enjoyed it. the only way to spread things on tumblr is to reblog them. likes don't get the word out there!

please respect all warnings at the beginning of fics. if a fic has been marked as smut or 18+ and you are younger than, do the right thing and do not read it.

keep your eye out for the summer fic exchange 2k23 sign up post. if you want me to let you know when it's happening you can click here.

the winter fic exchange 2k23 masterlist

Buffalo Sabres

Tyson Jost

- A Christmas 3+1 by @2manytabsopen for @ bqstqnbruin

- cooler by @jostystyles for @ butgilinsky

- it's always the boy next door by @ya-pucking-nerd for @ ilyasorokin

- Slowly, Then All at Once by @color-offside-the-lines for @ jostystyles

Carolina Hurricanes

Andrei Svechnikov

- All I've Tried to Hide by @laurenairay for @ hoesforthecanes

- The Myster of Love by @comphy-and-cozy for @ idontgiveaflyinggrayson69

Colorado Avalanche

Cale Makar

- i love you, grumpy by @nylwnder for @ gravestrain

- tell me you want it a thousand miles away from the day that we started by @fallinallincurls for @ hockeylvr59

- Unexpected Love by @buttercupjosh for @ wildrangers

JT Compher

- this song is about you by @torontoflames for @ comphy-and-cozy

Nathan Mackinnon

- I Got You by @hockeylvr59 for @ raysofcrosby

- The Problem with Maddie by @luvsherleafs for @ fallinallincurls

- you always did feel just like home by @wyattjohnston for @ blueskrugs

Minnesota Wild

Kirill Kaprizov

- Christmas With You by @raysofcrosby for @ callsign-denmark

Montreal Canadiens

Josh Anderson

- promise this won’t change a thing by @matthewtkachuk for @ luvsherleafs

Juraj Slavkovksy

- second times the charm by @ilyasorokinn for @ lam-ila

New Jersey Devils

Jack Hughes

- sweet nothing by @gravestrain for @ quinnshuggy

Nico Hischier

- be my fire in the cold by @tinyhockey for @ lifeofpriya

New York Islanders

Anders Lee

- Welcome Home by @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69 for @ barzysunflower

Anthony Beauvillier

- holiday cards by @fear-of-flyers for @ buttercupjosh

- It Was Real For Me by @lam-ila for @ sorryjustafangirl

- tell me that you'll open your eyes by @liquidflyer for @ 2manytabsopen

Mat Barzal

- comin' home to you by @quinnshuggy for @ color-offside-the-lines

- Last Christmas by @bitchinbarzal for @ liquidflyer

- New Year's Surprise by @barzysunflower for @ bitchingbarzal

- Sparks Fly by @hoesforthecanes for @ tinyhockey

Seattle Kraken

Andre Burakovsky

- They Shoot Websters, Don't They? by @bqstqnbruin for @ laurenairay

Jamie Oleksiak

- i won't say (i'm in love) by @barkbarkbeauvillier for @ jxmieoleksiaks

- seizing the moment by @butgilinsky for @ typical-simplelove

- the untitled date day by @jxmieoleksiaks for @ barkbarkbeauvillier

- Untitled by @selfindulgentpoorlywritten by @ tippedbykreider

St Louis Blues

Colton Parayko

- something just like this by @tippedbykreider for @ senditcolton

Toronto Maple Leafs

Mitch Marner

- won't you stay til the a.m? by @senditcolton for @ fear-of-flyers

Morgan Rielly

- babe for the weekend by @sorryjustafangirl for @ broadstbroskis

William Nylander

- choosing you by @broadstbroskis for @ nylwnder

Vancouver Canucks

Brock Boeser

- fools rush in by @pcttymcrlecu for @ torontoflames

Elias Pettersson

- here comes your man by @thomasschabot for @ selfindulgentpoorlywritten

- Home by @wildrangers for @ thomasschabot

- Nervous by @typical-simplelove for @ ya-pucking-nerd

Quinn Hughes

- More than a Memory by @blueskrugs for @ matthewtkachuk

- What the Heart Wants by @lifeofpriya for @ pcttymarleau

Washington Capitals

TJ Oshie

- What We Had by @callsign-denmark for @ cellythefloshie

Winnipeg Jets

Adam Lowry

- Last Christmas by @cellythefloshie for @ wyattjohnston

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butgilinsky · 1 year

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ntwkockeldoc UMMM the way this is perfect??? very new girl very best friends to lovers very COMFORT FIC ARE YOU JOKING????

i love mat being an annoying little shit and tyson wanting to kiss her at the right moment rather than under pressure😩😩😩😩 god this made me melt omg thank you so much🥺

cooler | tj

a/n: this is my entry for @antoineroussel 's winter fic exchange! demi, thanks for putting this together as always!! this fic was written for @butgilinsky <3 I hope you enjoy it dear!! special thanks to @comphy-and-cozy for letting me brain rot about my tyson jost = nick miller agenda, and @suitandtys for the title. divider graphics are by @firefly-graphics . this fic is inspired by nick and jess's first kiss in new girl. i hope you enjoy <3

warnings: fluff, alcohol, use of she/her pronouns. mat barzal is an instigator.

word count: 2.8k

The All-Star Weekend, for a certain group of guys, meant the ability to show off their skills for the game they love, and praise for being considered the best of the best. But for the rest of them, it meant something else.

Freedom & Relaxation.

Of course, the way the free time was being spent varied from player to player. Some guys returned home to spend time with their kids and families, some took weekend trips, and some just stayed put.

But for Tyson Jost, Mat Barzal, and Dante Fabbro, it meant a reunion. Typically, they only saw each other during the season when they played each other respectfully, and in the summer when they trained together amongst other things. This break, though, they’d be traveling to Cancun for a weekend getaway with some of their friends from back home. Though they all hailed from different hometowns, they had a pretty tight knit group that tried to see each other as much as possible. So when the group chat collectively agreed everyone would be free for a trip, it was decided. This was going to be a trip to remember.

“Wait, why the fuck do I need my passport?” Mat exclaimed inquisitively, his voice echoing through the speakers of the FaceTime call.

Abruptly pausing her packing, (Y/N) turned to grab her phone off the bed. “What? Mat, where the hell do you think Cancun is?”

“Uh. Florida.” He said, like she had asked him the stupidest question in the world.

“Jesus fuck, Mat, it’s in Mexico. Are you kidding me? Your plane ticket literally says you’re flying into Mexico.”

As if his mind had just been completely blown, which it had in a way, Mat’s expression turned to one of total shock. “Wow. That makes a lot of sense, actually.”

(Y/N) shook her head with a sigh, wondering how he has managed to make it this far. Out of all her close friends, Mat was the one she’d known the longest. The two of them had grown up on the same street, their families becoming friends over the years. Despite the jokes from everyone, they’d actually defied the odds to show that boys and girls can be just friends as they’d formed such a tight bond throughout their lives and consider each other like siblings.

Naturally, they had the same friends. Enter Dante, who came into the picture when he and Mat started playing hockey together. Over the years, the three of them grew closer and other friends came and went, but as they got older, a group solidified. As they became teenagers, Tyson became a part of that group. (Y/N) still remembers the day she first met him.

Her family was the last to arrive at the Fabbro’s lake house, as usual. This had been a tradition for the past few years, and she usually anticipated it each time. But for some reason she was nervous. She was 14 now, and things were changing. She was no longer the nerdy little girl that hung out with the hockey boys, physically at least. The thought of being in a bathing suit around a bunch of rowdy boys made her feel awkward and uncomfortable. She reminded herself it was just Mat and Dante, her two idiot best friends who would make fun of her for the color of the swimsuit, not how she looked in it. Shaking it off, she grabbed her suitcase and wandered through the cabin to the room she shared with Dante’s sisters. Tossing the bag on the bed, she quickly grabbed her book to head down to the water. (Y/N) closed the door behind her and turned around to walk away, only to take a few steps and collide with something bare and warm. She fell to the ground, letting out an “Oof.”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going are you ok?” A voice rambled on.

“Yeah, no problem ‘m good, I-” (Y/N) replied, her voice faltering as she looked up. Her eyes were met with the softest brown ones, flashing at her with a look of concern. She felt the blood rush to her cheeks.

“Here, let me help you up. I’m Tyson, um, Tyson Jost. Mat and Dante’s friend from hockey.” The boy said, reaching down to help her up.

“I’m (Y/N). Also Mat and Dante’s friend, but um. Not from hockey.” She said, eliciting a laugh from Tyson.

He stuck his hand out before saying, “Well, here’s to hoping we become each other’s friend too.”

Shaking his hand, (Y/N) shook her head with a shy smile. A part of her knew her life would never be the same now that he was in it.

“...when Tyson gets in?”

The sound of Mat’s voice brought her back to reality. “Hm?” She replied. Rolling his eyes, Mat spoke with a teasing tone.

“I knew that saying his name would get your attention. Do you know when Tyson gets in?”

“You’re a dick. He gets in around the same time as you so I’d try and get to the house together. Gabe, Alicia, Jay and I will already be there.”

“Fer sure. You think this’ll be the trip you finally admit you’re in love with each other?”

(Y/N) shot him a glare. “I will hang up on you right now Mathew. Tyson is not in love with me.”

“You didn’t deny you’re in love with him though.”

Caught off guard, she stumbled over her words. Mat let out a laugh, saying, “(Y/N/N) you realize I know you better than anyone right? You aren’t fooling anyone. Except Tys. He’s definitely oblivious.”

“I will literally skin you alive and slice your achilles tendon if you say anything to him on this trip.”

“Love you too.”

If there was anything Tyson needed right now, it was a gigantic margarita on the beach. The past year of his life had been a bit insane, and he was in desperate need of a vacation. He’d missed his friends, too. They didn’t get to see each other that often now that they were older, and cherished times like this. His flight had landed from Buffalo a few minutes ago, and he was waiting at the baggage claim to grab his luggage. Scrolling through instagram to pass time, he felt a hand clap on his shoulder and whipped his head around.

“Oh hell yeah. Missed you brother, what’s up!” He said, turning to embrace Mat in a hug.

“Missed you too bud. You ready for the best weekend of your life? C’mon. Car’s here.”

“Jesus Christ, Leesh. I can’t believe your boss let you have his fucking house for the weekend. This place is insane.” (Y/N) exclaimed, taking in the sights that laid before her. Alicia’s boss had graciously let her utilize his beach mansion for the weekend as a thanks for her hard work at her company.

“Eh, perks of being fucking good at what I do.” Alicia said, taking a swig of moscato straight from the bottle. “Who wants a cocktail?”

“I sure do. Tequila sunrise, light on the sunrise, heavy on the tequila.” A voice cried out, followed by a huff of laughter.

Turning around, (Y/N)’s confusion turned into a smile. “Barzy, you’re not even through the door and you’re already asking for a drink? Why am I surprised?”

“You shouldn’t be. I love day drinking.” Mat stated, hugging her. “Watch out. Your boyfriend's right behind me.” He whispered in her ear, earning him a knee to his nether regions.

Pushing him away, (Y/N) turned towards the guy she’d been waiting far too long to see.

Tyson stood there, a small smile on his face. After the hell he’d been through the past 10 months, he still managed to smile. That was one of her favorite things about him. His brown eyes looked soft, and duller than usual, and she couldn’t tell if it was from the flight.

“C’mere you big oaf. I missed you, Tys.”

He hugged her for a bit longer than he intended. There was just something comforting about being in his best friend's arms again.

“Ok, if you two love birds are going to keep hugging, we’re going to get this party started. Drinking games start now.” Dante said, shoving two solo cups full of something their way.

Grabbing the cups, Tyson passed one to (Y/N). “Good to see you too, Big D. Lead the way.”

“I missed you, you know.” Tyson said, swinging his and (Y/N)’s entwined hands back and forth.

“I missed you too. Least we’re in the same state now though, right?”

“6 hours is still too far.”

(Y/N) chuckled. “Well, at least I’m a train ride away instead of a plane.”

As they approached the patio, the party was already in full swing. Music was blasting, Mat was already trying to get Jay down from her place on top of the table, and Gabe and Alicia were mixing drinks like nobody's business.

Tyson shook his head. “Somebodies gonna fucking die here.”

“Either that, or we’re spending a night in a Mexican jail.” (Y/N) replied. The night was just about to begin.

To say everyone was fucked up would be putting it lightly. The drinks had been flowing consistently all evening, and it was approaching midnight. The gang had made their way inside for a game of who knows what. At this point, it was just a bunch of drunk people shouting things. Mat and Jay were sharing a bottle of wine, discussing God knows what under the dining room table. Gabe was shirtless, but wearing his swimsuit and dress socks. Tyson had somehow acquired a trench coat he found in one of the bedroom closets, and (Y/N) sported her bikini top and a bright pink tutu from god knows where.

“Guys, I think we need to call it a night. We’re gonna be so hungover tomorrow and it’s only the first day.”

“NO!” Alicia cried. “Don’t be a party pooper. You were out the latest in college.”

“We aren't in college anymore. I’m tired, Leesh.” (Y/N) wailed, resting her head dramatically on Tyson’s shoulder.

“Boring. Who wants to play another game?” Alicia shouted, gaining the attention of the whole house.

“How about good old fashioned, 7 minutes in heaven?” Jay chimed in, waggling her eyebrows mischievously.

“OOOh, nice one Jay. I’m in. Who votes Josty and (Y/N)?”

The room erupted in cheers, aside from (Y/N) and Tyson.

“Hold on, don’t we get a say in this?” Tyson retorted.

“Nope. Behind the iron curtain you go!” Alicia demanded, ushering them to the kitchen, where she then rolled the door that separated the two spaces shut.

A chant of “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” began amongst the other friends, as Tyson protested.

“Open the door! This isn’t funny guys.”

The chants continued, and (Y/N) sucked in a sharp breath at Tyson’s seeming wish to be left out. Would it really be that bad to him if they kissed?

After a moment, (Y/N) spoke up. “Ok, we kissed! Sent you a picture!”

From the other side of the door, Dante looked at the picture, which was of (Y/N) and Tyson with their lips pursed, angled at each others cheeks. “That is not a kiss! C’mon, Inspector Gadget, inspect those tonsils!”

Barzy chimed in, saying, “Yeah! C’mon, Josty. Just give (Y/N) a tender, sensual, kiss, and we’ll let you right out.”

“Mat, shut up!” (Y/N) cried, knowing full well he was having a field day with this.

Tyson was desperately trying to pry the door open, but was unsuccessful. His heart was beating out of his chest. This was not how he wanted this to go.

Leaning against the counter, (Y/N) pondered, “What’s the big deal? Let’s just suck it up and french a little.” That was the tequila talking.

Tyson shot his head up at her. “Ok, fine. But don't say ‘suck it up and french a little’.”

“Ok, fine, let’s do this.”

They walked towards each other, stopping when they were in close proximity. (Y/N) could feel her heart beating a mile a minute. Tyson’s hands reached out to settle on her forearms. She could see the sparkle in his brown eyes that wasn’t there before. Later, she’d come to know, that spark only existed for her.

“Let’s just do it.” Tyson said, his voice quivering slightly.

“Let’s do it.” (Y/N) echoed. “Do it.”

“Fine.”

“I’m doing it.”

“Fine, then do it.”

“Are you a tounger?”

“Tyson, what the hell.”

“Well, I don’t wanna put my tongue in your mouth if you don’t like it!”

(Y/N) sighed, laughing at her best friend. “Just kiss me!”

Tyson was freaking out. “OK, alright, great. That’s what I’m gonna do.” He grabbed her face, his fingers gracing her soft (Y/H/C) ever so lightly. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” (Y/N) replied, quietly.

Tyson closed his eyes, leaning in. (Y/N) pulled her head away, saying, “I’m sorry, you can’t do that!”

“What did I do?” Tyson asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“Your face!”

“My face?”

“You can’t do that with your face.”

Tyson burst into laughter, (Y/N) soon following him. They stopped, glancing at each other for a brief moment. Tyson thought she was the prettiest girl in the world. He always had, ever since they met 10 years ago. Just as he was about to speak up, a banging ensued on the wall.

“Yo, I don’t hear any talking, so ya’ll better be smooching!” Dante screeched.��

“Yeah, yeah, we’re getting to it.” Tyson said, not breaking eye contact with (Y/N).

The chants of “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” picked back up again.

“Ok Tyson, come on. Just kiss me.” (Y/N) said, frustrated.

“No, I’m not gonna kiss you.”

“Kiss me!”

“(Y/N), stop!” Tyson said harshly.

“God, Jost, just kiss me already!”

“No, not like this!” he almost shouted.

(Y/N)’s face turned to one of confusion. “What? What does that mean?”

Tyson took a step back, his face turning red. “No I didn’t mean… Nothing, I just. I didn’t mean it like that. I just, we can’t. That’s not, you know, like,” He was full on word vomiting, “Do you know like, it’s very, like, you don’t, that’s not what it…”

(Y/N) tilted her head, a small smile on her face. Before she could say anything, the door swung open, revealing Jay, with an insane look on her face.

“Ok, times up! Mat and I’s turn.”

Tyson was gone faster than (Y/N) could see, leaving her with nothing but a sobered up head full of confusion, and a heavy heart.

Everyone had since retreated to their rooms for the night, except for Jay and Mat who were probably still making out in the kitchen like they usually do when they’re drunk. Her door slightly ajar, (Y/N) saw a quick shadow while she was brushing her hair.

“Hey!” she cried out. Tyson stopped in his own doorway, turning around to see (Y/N) in hers. She stood there in her silk nightgown, bare faced, with the look of concern painted across her face that she often gave him.

“You ok, Tys?” She asked softly, stepping out into the hallway just a bit.

“Yeah, Im good. Just needed to sober up a bit, so I went and sat down by the beach.”

“Oh. Ok. Listen, about earlier. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I was just messing around, feeding off our idiot friends.” (Y/N) apologized.

“S’ Ok, (Y/N/N). It was just a game. I still think you’re cool.”

“I think you’re cooler. Night, Tyson.” She replied with a smile.

“G’night, (Y/N).”

Just as she turned to go inside her room, something shifted within Tyson. Like he wasn’t even thinking, he reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her flush to him. Before either of them could speak, he pressed his lips onto hers, encapsulating them into a passionate kiss. His arms moved to her lower back, hugging her so forcefully as if it were to be the last time. (Y/N)’s arms were wrapped around his neck, tugging at the tufts of curls that lay at the back of his head. Their lips moved in harmony, Tyson kissing her again and again each time with more push than the last. They finally broke apart, foreheads pressed together and breathing heavily.

Tyson kissed her once more, than again, and again. He finally looked at her, his finger under her chin forcing her to look at him.

She was staring at him, her big beautiful (Y/E/C) that he loved so dearly, begging him to say something.

“I meant something like that.” Tyson told her, before dropping his hands from her figure and retreating into his room, and shutting the door.

(Y/N) stood there, in complete and utter shock. She brought her hand up to touch her lips, and let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

Tyson Jost was going to be the death of her, and she’d been hoping to see the Grim Reaper for quite a while.

tags: @comphyjost @tinyhockey @2manytabsopen @laurenairay @fallinallincurls @ilyasorokinn @lt-natrace

#amazing amazing amazing #read this shit rn #if you love mat or josty or love #just read the damn thing #nhl fic rec

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butgilinsky · 1 year

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seizing the moment // jo

warning; mutual pining and two dummies that can't get it together, fluff, i probably cursed at some point bc it's me

summary; The winter season is lonely without anyone to wake up beside. It's also the time where friends realize they might be lovers after all.

word count; 3k+

this is for @antoineroussel 's winter fic exchange! I'm sorry it's so late but I hope you like it @typical-simplelove <3 it only has the smallest bit of angst since it's mutual pining but I promise I gave you a happy ending

The longer you sat on the sofa, the more you wanted to leave. The cushions were comfortable enough but being tucked in the corner of a couch filled with people happily chatting beside you was deafening. Nobody was speaking to you and to be fair, you weren’t engaging in any coverations. It’s exactly how you saw the night being panned out; the exact reason you gave to your roommate when she begged you to come. These were her friends and while you knew a few of their names, you were sick of hearing them all talk about work and school.

It was no secret that you were going through a rough patch. Brought on by the many wonders that life throws at you, the year was turning out to be a major disappointment. Your room that would normally be lined with tinsel with a tall tree tucked in the corner stood barren. The clothes scattered across the floor was a reflection of your brain that never seemed to stop. Being the first winter without your family was hard, and while Amber thought she was doing you a favor by dragging you out, she was doing the opposite.

After promising you to stick by your side as much as she could possibly manage, she disappeared within the first few minutes of you being here. Getting out was the only goal at this point. Getting off of this sofa and into your own bed.

The sound of the door opening and shutting was muffled by the endless conversations happening throughout the room. Your focus was set on the end of the hallway that led to the door, anxiously waiting for your saving grace.

When he walked in your eyes lit up, feet practically propelling you off of the couch and over to him. He saw you just a moment after you had but he’s quick to welcome you into his embrace. His arms wrap around you naturally and you’re enveloped in the warmth that is Jamie. He was your favorite blanket every day of the year and he was proud to be so.

“You okay?” All it takes is a quick nod from you and he’s heading back towards the same door he entered through, this time with your hand in his. You don’t bother to tell Amber goodbye, seeing as she hadn’t bothered to stay with you longer than it would’ve taken her to find the restroom. Jamie doesn’t question where she is or even look for her as he beelines for the door.

It’s not until he’s pressed the button to the elevator that you let out a deep breath. He looks at you with his soft eyes before wrapping you in his arms once again. The silence is comforting, something you’re used to with Jamie. In all of your years of knowing him you’d never recalled an awkward silence between the two of you. Even sitting across awkward family dinner tables together, you managed to crack smiles and nudge each other out of sight from any angry relatives.

Jamie had been your best friend for longer than you could remember. He was the one that walked you home from school until your parents rounded up the money to buy you a car. School dances were always attended together, hand in hand. When your boyfriend broke up with you because he didn’t want to be “held down in college” Jamie was the one that showed up on his doorstep and told him what an idiot he was. It was always the two of you, no questions asked. Regardless of how many times people asked if there was anything beneath the surface, the answer was always the same.

We’re just friends.

It stung every time. Any time he dropped you off and walked you all the way to the door, coming inside to greet your parents more often than not, your lips burned in anticipation. You waited for the day he ducked his head down just enough to press his lips against yours. Kissing Jamie was everything you wanted and more. More so because of what it meant for the two of you.

Being with your best friend in every way you wanted to be would’ve been every dream come true. Waking up beside him and cooking meals together was something you’d thought about for years. Holidays were already spent together, you already knew practically everything about each other, and there was no earthly way you’d ever grow sick of Jamie Oleksiak.

Throughout the years you’d seen him fall in love. It was painful for you, hearing all of the wonderful things he said about every girl he liked. His feelings were so pure, and his words were strung together so beautifully. It was no secret that it was an honor to be loved by this man. Any eyelash and coin tossed down a well had the same wish wrapped around it.

As long as he was happy.

That’s what kept you going. After all this time and all the things you’ve felt, it was his happiness that kept you grounded. If he was happy with whatever her name was, then so be it. They were nice most of the time, and so it wasn’t so hard to put up with them. If they made him happy then they could stay the remainder of their trip.

It never lasted long though. Jamie gave them a year, maybe two if they were lucky. Long enough to impact you but not long enough for Jamie to mourn them too terribly. He seemed to move on quickly, quicker than you expected him to the first few times. You figured it was just his way of getting back to himself and starting over.

There hadn’t been a day that he’d known you that he hadn’t felt overwhelming love for you. Holding you as closely as possibly was important but he was afraid to grab on too tightly. What if he broke you? What if he pulled you too close and you pushed him away? He wasn’t sure he could handle rejection from you. Girls in a bar that he didn’t even know the name of had no impact on his ego. Shrugging them off was as easy as skating to him.

You were different. You were everything. He couldn’t get you close enough in his eyes. He hated that you were going through this tough time. Your parents had always made the trip out to Seattle to see you during the holidays, or managed for you to get to them back home. They blindsided you with their newfound love for holiday vacations. Flying across the world in December seemed merry to them while it left you in the wake of a messy room.

So he stayed close. He didn’t go home even on his time off and he made sure to keep his phone on him at all times. Nights like these made him grateful for doing so. It only took him two minutes to respond to your SOS. He picked you up seven minutes later.

Before you knew it you were sitting in the middle of a parking lot. To what, you were unsure of. The look Jamie gave you was everything you needed to know though. There was no way he could look at you with eyes that soft and a smile that pure if he was taking you somewhere bad. So you climbed out of the car without questioning it and let him lead the way.

The sight of ice sent a chill down your spine. The involuntary whine that escaped your lips brought a laugh out of Jamie. The sound covered you in goosebumps but you quickly ignored the aching feelings and wondered what size skate you were supposed to get.

“You know I can’t skate.” The look of mischief in his eyes had you rolling.

“I know that. That’s why we’re here.” It doesn’t make sense to you how those two things line up but you’re not sure how to dispute the joy seeping out of him right now. So you tuck your complaints into your pocket and let Jamie order both of you skates.

It doesn't take even a minute of you trying to tie your laces for Jamie to swat at your hand and kneel down in front of you. Your hands grab onto his shoulders for leverage as he yanks and ties quicker than you can tie your tennis shoes. The warmth comes back when he finishes the first one and grabs your calf gently. He taps lightly and when you switch and present your other foot he hums out in approval.

You're lost again in a mess of thoughts about a life with Jamie. Frosting cookies with various colors and images that definitely don’t turn out how they’re intended. Waking up at an all too early hour to watch him open gifts you’d been excited about for weeks. Your dogs would be on a constant playdate, never having to leave one another ever again.

His hand is warm in yours despite him dragging you into an ice rink. All heat seemed to rush to your hands, focused on the physical connection between the two of you. It switches to both hands when he pins around effortlessly to give you ample support.

Fear creeps deep in your chest then as you hope and wish on everything that you’ll stay up on your feet. The embarrassment of wiping out in front of Jamie would be hard to recover from. You could picture the goofy smile he’d wear while clutching his abdomen as he laughed way too hard at your misstep. The embarrassment would eventually drown in the beauty of his smile and the melody of his laugh that you can’t seem to get enough of. Anything to make him smile like that. Part of you wonders if you should stumble on purpose.

Jamie’s holding onto your hands for dear life as he can sense your fear grumbling inside of you. He watches your eyes lock onto your feet despite him telling you not to. Words of affirmation and soft laughs aren’t enough to get you to look up at him as you worry your feet will fly out from underneath you.

“If you look at me you won’t fall. I promise.” his voice rings in your ears, soft and sweet like a freshly baked cookie. The thought makes your stomach turn in hunger but you push past it. You’re not voluntarily letting go of Jamie’s hands anytime soon.

Skating’s never been your strong suit. Balance wasn’t your forte and staring at your unstable feet was the only thing you could do for the first ten minutes on the ice. Standing on razor blades and walking - well not actually walking, it’s more like gliding - was not something you did everyday if the week like Jamie. He was practically born in hockey skates with a chipped tooth smile.

Holding onto Jamie’s hands was the only thing that got you through it. The winter chill froze your nose to an aching point but your hands felt so warm in his. His gentle pokes and prods telling you ways to get better felt like a blanket fresh out of the dryer. The look he gave you when your eyes finally detached from your feet and traveled up to his was gut wrenching.

It was a look you’d known all too well. It was the same look he gave you when you failed your driving test for the first time, and the same one you got when he heard the news of you getting accepted into your dream school. Jamie’s eyes bore into you like they were the key to a heavily locked gate.

He never knew why you opened up so easily with him. For the longest time he assumed it was out of habit. You’d known each other for years, too many to count at this point. Nobody knew one of you without knowing the other. It was always the two of you, never just one.

Secretly, both of you liked it that way.

Longing looks and aching hearts were all there was to show for it. Jamie never made a move and you wouldn’t say something until you were sure there was something to be said back. Risking this was a game you didn’t want to play.

Despite how warm his hands felt and how easily his eyes sank into you, you swallowed that love and adoration and shoved a sheepish smile to the surface. He didn’t say anything about it, never does, and the routine started again.

Normal conversation blanketed over the two of you for the remainder of your time at the rink. He opened and closed the door for you and let you choose the music on the car ride home. You noticed he took the long way to your place and he thanked you silently for never mentioning it.

The night ended with a gentle kiss to the top of your head, nothing you hadn’t experienced before, and a simple goodnight. The clock ticks were a painful reminder of every moment you missed with him, every moment you missed him. Being left alone makes you realize just how much you wished you could get over that stupid fear.

Jamie spends his entire ride home regretting the missed moment: the moment he’s dreamed of your entire friendship. He walked you all the way up to the door and held your head in his hands. His eyes lingered on your lips while his mind raced tenfold. The thoughts ran so fast he could hardly keep track of them and by the time he came back down to Earth, he was kissing the top of your head instead of your lips.

It’d be so easy, he thinks. Everything is easy with you, except this. This is harder than he could’ve ever imagined. One wrong move and everything could come crumbling down.

That’s why he doesn't push it. When he finally caved in and let’s you push him into building a gingerbread house, the moment’s there. Even when your fifth attempt fails and you look up at him with sad eyes and a pouty lip. He thinks about how he could kiss the frown away, he could take your mind off of the gingerbread pieces that would surely break any moment.

But what if you pushed him away?

The moments there when you’re standing at a bar waiting for drinks and he slinks his arm around you. His teammates are watching and take bets on if you even notice the way you fall into his side so easily. The moment is there when your shoulders deflate in defeat and you look up at him for help. Instead he just nods at you gently and uses his height to his advantage.

Moments come and pass as they have for years. Jamie hardly thinks much of it, he’s been coping with it for years. He has no idea you’re catching onto these moments, that you’re pining for everything he is and more.

After watching your best friend land the sloppiest grin-filled kiss on her boyfriend of three years your stomach turns and you can hardly take it anymore. Jamie’s not there and you can think of a million reasons why you wish he was.

The moment finally comes around again after a long night with friends. Jamie’s teammates and their loved ones, your friends from school that have found their way into this rather large group. It’s a night filled with laughter and stories from so many people you can hardly remember any of them. The entire way home, the night leaves you. You don’t think of dinner or who was there, rather just the way Jamie’s hand feels on your thigh.

It’s like he doesn’t notice it’s there. He drums his fingers lightly to the beat of the radio. Every tap brings goosebumps to your skin as you just hope with every fiber of your being that tonight is the night Jamie realizes what’s in front of him.

The walk up to your place is longer than it normally is and the elevator ride is painfully quiet. Jamie hangs his head the whole way down the hallway. He doesn’t say anything until you reach the door and it sends your heart down to your feet.

“See you tomorrow?” You nod weakly. He will in fact see you tomorrow, but you wish he had said almost anything else.

“Yeah.” he nods once and moves closer to you. You give yourself false hope and allow your heart rate to pick up, only to feel a warmth on your forehead.

You’re warm but not enough. There’s something missing in the motion and it’s not until Jamie’s halfway down the hallway that you speak.

“Jamie.” He turns on his heels and looks at you with a questioning gaze. He knows nothings wrong because of the tone you’re using, but he also knows there’s a severity to it. “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

It’s his heart that sinks now as his words get caught in his throat. What’d you just say? Surely you didn’t just say that.

Right?

“I- I didn’t know you wanted me to.” It’s entirely not the right thing to say, it’s not even what he wanted to say but his heart’s in the floor and his brain flew out the window ages ago.

“Of course I do. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

There’s a beat of hesitation - that’s what you think it is at least. Jamie’s not hesitating but rather replaying your words in his brain to fully convince himself that you truly said them.

One more time and he nods gently to himself before taking as little strides as it takes to reach you. His hands find your cheeks faster than they ever have before and his lips are on yours in no time. It quite literally knocks the wind out of you but you can’t seem to do anything but kiss back with as much fever.

Everything you wanted was wrapped up in front of you. Jamie on a silver platter, and he was yours for the taking.

“By the way,” He pulls back to look down at you, lips parted in disbelief that he was getting his moment. “This is all I’ve ever wanted.”

Your smile hurts your cheeks, but he sends it right back to you. You’re both grinning like idiots in the hallway but all you can think about is this moment.

Your moment.

#jamie oleksiak #jamie oleksiak x reader #nhl fic #nhl imagine #hockey fic #hockey imagine #nhl seattle kraken #jamie oleksiak x you #fix exchange

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