#(my uncle has been in the hospital since yesterday so my aunt and mom have been in and out of the house and i'm the oldest one here) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gloriousclio · 3 months

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wedding roundup

yesterday was my brother's wedding. i had been kind of dreading it, but there was only one "when's yours" and they were a drunk friend of my brother's so like, who cares. As a rule, I am not close with my brother so, and the friends he had when i was a kid... really sucked. One of them... well, I'll tell you by the end of the post.

BUT:

i got about a million compliments on my dress and Look from so many people, including a bridesmaid

I mean, they were right:

-the photographer told me to put my hand in my pocket and spin. I was born for that moment. High low dresses with horsehair lining are going to be a thing for me now, that dress can move.

-the photographer also was in love with Bampa's mustache, which is correct. That mustache is legendary, he curls and waxes is every day, and has since the bicentennial in 1975. She took a picture and promised to put it on her insta, lol.

-Nana had some back handed compliments, and at brunch this morning told me not to talk with my mouth full (which, it wasn't and my dad's cousin K had just asked me a question so I covered my mouth and offered a one word answer to K if anyone cares). I nearly fucking snapped.

MEANWHILE:

-GRANDPA MACK is recovering from a respiratory illness and had to go to the hospital on Friday night/Saturday at 2:30am. Luckily his oxygen levels went back up but he was sick and full of anxiety (my superpower is commiserating with him about our anxiety disorders). So my Aunt J1 picked grandpa up at the hospital and brought him back home to get ready. Where Aunt J2 was trying to get DATTA ready. She has advancing dementia and was convinced that the wedding was "tomorrow". How the Aunt Js got them both ready is a miracle.

Other comments:

Distant cousin J: "Katie, you're a dancing machine!!"

Correct. I also complimented her dress and blazer combo: "I love this blazer, it makes me feel like Hillary Clinton." I FORGOT THE ILLINOIS COUSINS WERE BROADLY SAFE!!!!!!!

And then her dad spun me out on the dance floor (we forgot how long "Freebird" was, haha). He.... well, I have complicated feelings about this "uncle". It's hard, my dad lost his brother T in 1980, but even before, he was tight with this cousin and a third cousin (who sadly passed away - I think he purposefully mismanaged his diabetes but he also had a major drinking problem so....). But when those cousins are together, forget spending time with dad, he's with them.

But I didn't deny him a dance and I'm so glad I danced because I forgot that this cousin was a fucking teamster union leader and told me trump was the antichrist, that my parents are in the wrong, and that I'm not alone. I don't think I've ever hugged him that tightly. Jesus. How did I not cry?

All my mom's friends and one of her sisters also bemoaned to me about my mother's anti-vax stance. It felt like I had allies all night long. It was nice they told me. but maybe tell her some more

Cousin A had to check with my take on Yoko Ono before finalizing his own. "No one knows more about the Beatles than you, Kay-toy". He's wrong, but he's so sweet. (He's not that wrong)

I blew out my voice screaming along to Mr. Brightside. It was only a kiss IT WAS ONLY A KISS. God dammit, but I love love love dancing at wedding receptions, I always have. The cupid shuffle? the Wobble? Bust out the electric slide or even the chicken dance?? But it doesn't really matter.

My mom kept trying to get me to dance with someone I went to high school with. Good god, mom, try and be a bit more subtle. We talked for a minute. R asked me out once and I thought he was joking. I probably shouldn't have laughed at him. In my defense, I apologized when I realized he was not joking. I still didn't want to go out with him though. He still seems very nice and I always knew he could dance, but. You know.

Earlier in the night, I told cousin B and her bf to keep a certain groomsman away from me. He... I don't want to tell you what he said about me to my brother, that my brother came and told me laughingly. Because it was so funny! (It was actually really painful). I've pretty much avoided him ever since and was very cold to him when he said hi to me early in the afternoon. Luckily I was always surrounded by family except for one moment:

And he apologized for being such a shit. He was maybe a little drunk, but insisted that he was so sorry, that my family was such a good influence, and that he'd always looked up to me. Words about my good heart and convictions, even when I was hard. How kind I was, how I care about people, even when we were young, and I'm pretty much always right. And he was sorry. He also said he was sorry to apologize at a wedding but it's not like we see each other.

I thanked him. But it was a lot.

it was a lot

And I had already switched back to water by that point! Unfair!!! I told B almost immediately and her look of shock and slight outrage was exactly what I needed. I'm still unpacking it. I didn't sleep very well last night (to say nothing of the drunk crying bridesmaid in the hotel corridor and the dog barking in the room across).

Other stuff happened! Nana took a fall! Her son and daughter-in-law hated the non-church wedding and that they took a shot instead of doing a unity candle! They had a picture of dead uncle at a memorial table and Aunt S cried! MY LITTLE BROTHER GOT MARRIED!!!

Anyway, I have therapy tomorrow! Buckle up, Jeanne!

#irl #good lord #i love my family #but this was a circus #largely a fun circus #and let's face it - I looked Good

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golbrocklovely · 1 year

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for now, i think this will be the final update i'll give on my mom, just bc i need to focus on anything else but her health problems and what has happened within the last week or so.

my mom ended up going to the hospital yesterday. i had stayed up most of the night bc of anxiety and bc i slept most of the day, so by 5 in the morning, my mom was awake. she seemed okay, but her anxiety was back. she wanted me or my brother to give her a melatonin or an advil pm, just something so she could sleep. she didn't remember sleeping prior, which we had to tell her was the case.

she end up possibly dosing off for an hour or so, but then woke back up wired and going crazy. this issue this time was me and my brother were asleep. she apparently called me multiple times on my phone, but i never woke up. she also had called an old doctor's office that she hasn't gone to in a couple months bc they discharged her bc they were the ones that originally prescribed the xanax she had been on and she just wanted some form of anxiety medication.

at this point, it was apparent that my mom needed to go to the hospital bc she was losing her mind and was under a lot of stress. my brother woke me up, telling me we were gonna take her. and then, from what we can tell, she had a seizure. which her actual primary doctor has told her that if she cold turkey-ed her anxiety medication would happen.

we called 911, and things got worse from there. i thought she stopped breathing for a moment, did some chest compressions but then my brother came up and felt her heart beating out of her chest. then she started flailing her body around, and when her eyes finally popped open, she started screaming. then she started screaming over and over again "please somebody help me, please, oh god" and things along those lines. i was doing my best to calm her down while my brother was on the phone with 911. and she was like this the whole time the emts were here. but she calmed down somewhat and they got her into the ambulance. they took her to a hospital and we informed my aunt and uncle (her sister) that she was in the hospital. they drove us there, and we found her in the er.

she was slightly calmer, but still very agitated and stressed. we got her to calm down for the most part. they ran some tests, and everything seemed fine with her. like all of her tests came out relatively in the green, which was surprising as hell to hear. they gave her a dose of her anxiety medication, which i think helped a lot. they also gave her fluids. and she ate and kept it down.

they ended up discharging her, giving her the prescription for her anxiety medication that we would have to take to a pharmacy once we got home.

we took an uber home (bc my aunt and uncle had to leave to take care of their dog) and when we got home, my mom was somewhat calmer, but direly needed her medication. both me and my brother were running on thin ice, but somewhat lucky for us bc we had a paper prescription and live not that far from a cvs, so we were able to get it.

it was also discounted too, which was great.

i got my mom up to her room, gave her some food, and once my brother came home with her medicine, she went to sleep after being home for an hour or so.

me and my brother woke her up at 11 to give her her heart medication and her anxiety medication again (bc she takes two doses of it and we now have a 30 day supply of it) and she went back to sleep.

today…. is a lot better. i legitimately thought i was gonna lose my mother yesterday so to see her now as just a bit foggy, but the most coherent and calm since last week is amazing. i shed a lot of tears last night when i woke up from my nap, and i took off all this week from work so i can be home with her. i might go in later in the week if she feels fine or is completely back to normal. but we shall see.

and in case you are wondering, we plan to sue the fake primary doctor (or the replacement one, idk what i called him in the previous posts. but not her actual one since she is not the cause for all of this).

again, i want to thank you all so much for sending well wishes to me and my family. it truly means a lot, especially since i don't really have anyone outside of them to talk to about all of this. i believe things will get better, i just gotta keep reminding myself to take it day by day.

this week is just about getting my mom back to normal, which we are already heading in the right direction. everything else will come with time.

#personal #text

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siristaci · 11 months

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This got really long, so it's going under a read more. It's about the potential death of an ex-family member (after finding out about a recent heart attack) and briefly mentions suspected abusive behavior.

My not-uncle-anymore R (ex-husband of my aunt J) is in the hospital. He had a heart attack two days ago. I found out yesterday. I was told he hadn't woken up yet.

He has a pacemaker, so they can't do scans*. They were supposed to do a test yesterday (something about wires on his head) and we were supposed to get the results in the evening. Apparently there is an increase in heart rate when music is played or people are speaking.

I haven't heard anything since yesterday afternoon outside of J's fb post (posted shortly after they were supposed to get the results) that said "(my cousin's) dad had a heart attack yesterday afternoon. He was taken by ambulance to the ICU. He hasn't woken up, his brain activity is almost nothing, he is on a ventilator and has developed some other complications."

My feelings on all of this are... very complicated.

J and R got married when I was about 13. They both already had many other children (nearly all boys) before getting married, and had one boy (the cousin previously mentioned) together during their marriage. Then they got divorced when I was about 21. It's been a little over 10 years since then.

I first met R at the reception. He found out I liked LOTR and showed me his Sting letter opener. He was into heavy metal. I thought he was incredibly cool.

We really only saw each other at family gatherings, and- due to us both being black sheep of the family- quickly became the other person's "I'm only going if (the other one) is going to be there." He introduced me to Twisted Sister's Twisted Christmas album. Which is one of only two Christmas albums I'll still listen to. He was so fun. I thought it was great that there was someone of an older generation that I really got along with.

But there's a reason J and R got divorced. I don't really know what. I've asked three times and gotten different answers each time.

The first time, I was told by my mom that it was because they just couldn't agree on how to raise their kids. In a tone that told me to not ask questions. I was raised mormon, so I was very good at not asking questions. For a while.

The second time, I was told that he was... very physical and overdid it when disciplining the kids. Supposedly, they got pretty hurt on more than one occasion. J obviously wasn't comfortable talking about it, so I didn't push for more information.

The third time, I was told that he wasn't abusive, he was just too immature. Maybe he'd roughhoused a little too rough with the boys a few times, and they'd gotten hurt, but it wasn't intentional or out of anger. J had decided that he was just too childish to be a dad to her kids. She still wasn't very comfortable talking about it, but assured me that he wasn't evil or anything.

I stayed fb friends with him for a few years. He mostly talked about going to metal concerts and the company he worked for that was trying to get more metal bands signed with record labels.

And then politics became something that everyone was talking about. Suddenly, R started posting more and more about the first and second amendments. Posted lots of pictures of the American flag. The term "snowflakes" was used whenever he talked about how ungrateful and soft young people are nowadays.

I quietly unfriended him and haven't spoken to him since.

I still have fond memories of R. I was sad to find out that he wasn't as great as I'd thought he was. And even sadder when (it seemed) he changed into a right-wing asshole. I know that I don't have the whole story. All I really have are the memories of him, and I really like the ones from when he and J were married.

I also know that my cousin hasn't chosen to see his dad in two years; something that could be influenced by distance, just being a teenager, or not getting along with the brothers that live with his dad. Or it could be that he doesn't want to see his abusive father.

There isn't really a point to this post. I guess I'm just getting all of my feelings out in preparation, since it seems he isn't likely to recover. I honestly don't even know what I'm hoping for- if I'm hoping for anything. I know I'll mourn the loss of life, even if I've been mourning the loss of that soul for a decade.

*Everything I'm told about this comes from my mom, who gets it from her sister, who gets it from her son, so it's quite the game of telephone and at least one of them don't regard science highly, so I don't have the proper medical terms and I very likely don't have all the information I'd get if I were speaking to a doctor directly.

#and because this is tumblr #i have to give this disclaimer:#these are complicated feelings about a complicated situation #if i go to the funeral‚ i will be respectful of those who had a difficult relationship with him #i won't invalidate their experiences #I'm actually planning on asking the cousin how he feels about me attending #i don't want to cause drama or even distraction by being there if it's not appropriate #i can mourn anywhere #the funeral isn't about me or my relationship to a guy who was my uncle for less than a decade MORE THAN a decade ago #but this post is.#this post is a personal space for me to talk about my feelings without consideration of anyone else #tw death #tw abuse #mine

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theboringlady88 · 2 months

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Yesterday it was 10 years since my aunt passed. She helped raise me when my mom was sick and couldn’t take care of me. Today my uncle who has been sick and in the hospital for 3 weeks will be taken off life support he is my moms younger brother from her dads second wife. There of course is always hope that he will wake up and be fine but our reality right now is that we will lose him later today. The worst part is he moved to a different state 6 years ago and my mom can’t afford to go there to be able to say her goodbyes so we’re having to try to keep each other comforted without knowing what is happening.

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tacomanarrows · 7 months

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Rant/vent below w/ mentions of family illness/death

God these past two weeks have been so damn stressful and it has absolutely sucked. My grandmother has been in the hospital for awhile now, but she was moved to hospice either yesterday or the day before and by what my dad is telling me, it looks like she’ll pass tonight or early tomorrow.

In all honesty, I’m not super torn up about her passing specifically. Yeah, it’s sad to see but I never really knew her very well since for almost my whole life, she lived in California while my family and I were in New Jersey, and I’d really only see her at new years or occasional larger family gatherings. It more is really hard not being home to support my dad, my aunt and my uncle, since I know this is really hard for them.

My mom and my sister came up to visit me for my school’s family weekend last week and that was really nice (my brother came up from Indianapolis as well, where he’s going to college abt 2 1/2 hrs from here), but the overall mood of them being here was overhung with the news coming in from my dad about my grandma. Initially it looked like I was going to have to fly home for like two days, at first over family weekend (which would have been horrible, since it feels like none of my college experience has gone my way and that would have only added to it), and then potentially what would have been the end of this current week. That would’ve been sandwiched between two events I really couldn’t miss here on this past Wednesday and this coming Sunday.

Thankfully I don’t have to fly home, but this thing on Sunday is also stressing me out. I’ve been aiming for this scholarship that’s offered through one of the fraternities here and I’m one of the 25 or so finalists for it after making it through 2 rounds of interviews and two days of a “leadership retreat” that consisted of team building games and a ropes course. Of the 25 finalists, only 6 get the scholarship, and it’s rewarded at a banquet on Sunday that we have to dress in business formal attire for. I was able to buy a nice outfit for it with my mom this past weekend, but I’ve never gone to an event like that, and not knowing if I’m gonna get the award is also stressful.

Then, I have two assignments I need to do/type up by Monday, and my computer’s charger decided to seemingly bite the dust. I got a new battery for it back in August just before school, so I know it’s not that. Unless my roommate, who’s more knowledgeable with mechanical stuff than I am, can fix it somehow, the soonest a new one I order could get here is Monday/Tuesday, ie after my assignments are due. I can still use the computer labs here to write/do them, but it still sucks that I generally won’t be able to use my computer at all until I get a new cable.

Depending on how things happen with regards to my grandma and what kind of things we want to do as a family afterwards, my brother and I may drive home for Thanksgiving break a day early and I’m just really hoping that this all doesn’t overshadow my break from school, bc that would also really suck.

Anyways, I just had to get that out of my head. Thank you for reading if you did. I’d appreciate some just, comments of support on this if you’re willing, just so I know some people are there.

#TacTalks #rant #vent #personal #rambles #tw death #tw death mention #death #death mention #tw illness #illness #I’m still kinda new to this so if anyone has any other tags you want me to add to this pls lmk /gen

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bepatientandpersistent · 1 year

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My constant thought these days is "life is weird". I don't even know how to elaborate on that. This is probably going to be a long rambling nonsensical post. You can read if you want, obviously that's why I put it on here, but I just learned how to put things under the "keep reading" cut. I know, I'm super late 😂 but I don't post on here like I'd like to.

I feel like I've just had so many feelings recently. Today one kind of surprised me because I thought "it's gonna be okay". Like, I tell myself that all the time, because life is a struggle and I need to remind myself to keep going and that things WILL in fact be okay. But today the thought occurred to me subconsciously without me having to force it. So, maybe things will actually be okay.

I've been really struggling financially for a couple months. Well, actually about 7 months, since my mom's income got suspended (she's on SSI). We finally got that resolved last month and it helps a ton, she can pay her own bills now. But my bills are behind because I was helping her AND I chose to go down to one day a week at the hotel. I have been doing door dash and spark deliveries for a few months and those options were pretty stable, but now they aren't as busy as they were. I spend many hours each week waiting for deliveries, and sometimes they just dont come. I've resorted to just leaving bills unpaid or overdrafting my bank account to pay them. When I do that, my bank charges me $36 per day that I'm overdrafted. It's a killer. I had to borrow a large sum of money from one of my good friends yesterday, and it just barely covered the overdraft I had.. I will be able to pay him back, and he's allowing me to pay in payments. Im so thankful for him.

I start my new big-girl hospital job on Monday! I'm excited but nervous. I can't believe it's finally here and happening. I take my NCLEX on the 10th. I haven't been studying like I should because all of every day has been spent doing and waiting for deliveries. My goal for today is to answer 100 review questions, maybe more of I can but AT LEAST 100. I have the resources to do it and today I have the time, I just need to make myself. I'm doing that after I post this.

I'll get my first paycheck and a $6500 sign-on bonus check on the 22nd. I just hope I can hold out on money until then. My commute to work will be ~40 minutes each way, and that takes gas. 5 days a week throughout June. After that I may go down to 3 days a week but that's to be determined.

My mom and I have been bickering about money and bills for weeks. We don't live together and our bills are technically separate but we help each other. If I have money and she needs something paid or needs something, I help her, and vice versa. Sometimes one of us will spend money on something unnecessary and it causes a rift. Because money is so tight right now. I don't feel like I should have to explain where every cent of my money goes, but I understand why she gets frustrated. We are broke. I am so ready for us to not have to share money and bills and to be able to do as I wish with the money I make. That's where my frustration comes in also: most of the money we have to spend is mine. I work 3 jobs right now, soon to be 4. If I want to spend the money I work my ass off for, I can do that. I just have to face the consequences of it sometimes..

I'm still living with my aunt and uncle and since my income will be much higher here soon, the thought of getting my own place has crossed my mind. My mom would like for us to live together. I'm not convinced that's a good idea. I'd love to have my own space and there are things I dislike about living with family. My dad may also potentially be moving here before the year is up. He probably wouldn't have a job immediately so he would either have to stay with my mom (in her living room) or with me in my own place. My mom complains about him constantly when he stays at her apartment. If like to avoid that if possible. I also don't enjoy the thought of having to move houses in the summer, that just sounds terrible. Plus, it would give me a few months to save up for deposits and moving costs.. no plans are set in stone yet, but moving this year is a definite possibility.

I've been trying to get back in the mindset of getting healthy and losing weight. I've stopped drinking sodas again (4 days ago) and am consequently drinking more water. However, I started smoking cigarettes again about 1.5 months ago and haven't kicked the habit yet. I am determined to make this pack the last and wait before I start work on Monday... I think I can do it. I haven't been any more active. My scale still says 266, which is 1 pound less than my high weight. At least it's not more right? I just know I'm going to be miserable working as a nurse being this overweight and out of shape. Part of me wants to try keto again because I know it will make me lose weight fast. But I can never keep up with it, I always quit right after it starts working. I'm still trying to decide what I want to do.. trying to decide what I think I can stick with.

I need to call my storage place and pay for my unit. I need to call and pay a loan. I need to go tomorrow to buy scrubs for work. I need to go study. I think I'll end this post there. I'm sorry if you've read this far 😅 I didn't know where I was going with it lol. I feel like I have lots more to say but I'll continue later.

#personal #life #work #update

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vintagedolan · 3 years

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mixtape | epilogue

authors note: I truly cannot thank you enough for your support, love, kind words and overall interest throughout this story. Writing this whole thing has really changed my life in a lot of ways, both through my characters and through proving to myself that I can actually bring something like Mixtape to fruition. I love you all, loud, from the bottom of my heart. I hope this epilogue is all you hoped it would be, and now we can finally start with post-fic concepts. Enjoy!!!

| masterlist | faceclaims | playlist |

“Four… Five… Seven!”

“Six babe. Five, six, seven.”

“Five seven.”

In Beks smile, all Grayson could see was Indiana. As far as the rest of his daughter, she looked just like him. Brown hair, brown eyes, even the same little dimple. But her smile, and the feeling it gave him in his gut? That was all Indiana. His wife, who was unfortunately still pacing a bit in the terminal, a coffee in her hands.

As soon as she realized that they were back from their walk, she perked up, putting on her brave face for Beks so she didn’t think anything was wrong.

“Mama! Hi mama!”

“Hi sweet girl.” She held her hands out for her daughter, smiling when she gleefully reached for her. Grayson passed her over without a hesitation. As little as their almost three year old was, she was her mom’s biggest anchor when things got hard.

“You okay?” He asked it quietly while Beks was distracted, twirling a piece of her mom’s hair around her little fingers.

Indy looked at the clock. 5 minutes till boarding.

Her face was enough of an answer for her husband, and he frowned.

“Nauseous?”

She nodded.

“We’ll be okay,” he offered, reaching out for her free hand to squeeze it and trace a heart. It relaxed her a tiny bit, but she still bit her lip.

“My whole world is about to be in a plane, out of my control.” She turned her head to kiss Bekah’s hair. “She’s so small. Nothing I could do if…”

“Hey, hey none of that. You know what Bethany says about the doomsday stuff.”

“Unhelpful, unlikely and unproductive.” Indy whispered her therapists words back to herself, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. She’d gotten better about flying, accomplished things she never thought she would. Charlie and Devin’s wedding in Oregon, her own wedding in Maui, flying back and forth to see Lisa, trips to Australia even. But things changed when she got pregnant. Now, her heart lived outside of her body, in a tiny almost toddler who was as content as could be on her hip. The flight to Jersey had been decent, but the way home seemed like an impossible hurtle.

“It’ll all be over in a few hours. And then we’ll be home, back to our bed and our house.” Grayson wished he could fix it, wished he could take it on himself. But all he could really do was squeeze her hand and stay calm.

Indy nodded, but when the gate attendant came over the intercom she felt like she could vomit right there. She silently passed Beks over to Grayson and fumbled for their boarding passes with shaky hands.

“Plane daddy! There’s a plane!” Bekah smiled, pointing out the window as another aircraft taxied by.

“Yeah! It’s big, isn’t it,” Grayson tickled her belly and kissed her cheek as he readjusted the diaper bag over his shoulder and headed into the boarding lane behind Indy. They made their way down the jet bridge and into first class, Indy moving to the window seat and immediately holding out her hands for Bekah. They’d been blessed with a very happy baby who was content most of the time as long as she had a familiar face with her. She sat on Indy’s lap and played with the necklace she had on, rubbing at her eyes with the other hand.

“You tired bubba?” Grayson sat down and ran a hand over her back. Beks nodded slowly. “Here, c’mere, give momma a break.”

Indy passed her back over, melting like she always did when Bekah leaned forward onto Grayson’s chest, relaxing fully in the safety of his arms. She loved nothing more than seeing the father he was to their little girl. It was more than she could have ever asked for, and she watched as he moved her just enough to get his seatbelt on, knowing she would be asleep in a few minutes.

He hummed to her quietly, moving a hand over her ear to quiet the inevitable announcements from the flight attendants, and Indy watched as her eyes fluttered closed, long eyelashes resting on pink cheeks.

“Is she out?” Grayson dared to ask after a few minutes.

Indy nodded, her eyes burning a bit as she fought back tears. Bekah just looked so small, and fragile, and the plane was moving and she felt like she couldn’t control anything, not even her emotions.

“Do you want to hold her? Would that help?”

“No, she’s comfy it’s okay, I don’t want to wake her up,” Indy whispered, shaking her head. Even still, she stretched a hand over into Grayson’s seat, trying to catch her breath and focus on the feeling of his hand in hers, his wedding ring cold against her fingers. She looked at him, tried to lose herself in him the way she always had. He looked the same as that first day outside of Frazier, with a healthy amount of scruff. His hair was a bit shorter than it was then - Lisa always gave him a good haircut when he was in town. But his smile was still the same, and his eyes just as warm when he looked back into hers.

“Breathe baby. I’m right here, we’re gonna be there before you know it. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

She willed herself to believe him and put a headphone in her ear, started her playlist and closed her eyes as the plane moved towards the runway and her daughter slept.

Things were slightly better once they got into the air. It didn’t surprise her that Grayson fell asleep within the first hour. She could tell he was fighting his eyelids as he tried to stay awake in case she needed him, but the warmth and weight of Beks was enough to lull him off. The way she knew for sure was when his thumb stopped rubbing against the back of her hand. Indy didn’t mind - if he wasn’t awake he wasn’t worrying about her at least She took the time to look at them - really look at them for a while. Bekah was so active, always exploring and getting into things. It made moments like these rare, especially as she got older. She’d never understood what her mom had meant, when she said her heart had grown two sizes to accommodate her and Charlie.

In all those months after they got back together, she had thought it was impossible to love someone as much, or more, than she loved Grayson. She proved herself wrong after he became her husband, and again when they found out they were having a baby, a girl. Her love for him grew even more while she was pregnant. And then Bekah Nicole Dolan had entered the picture, and their lives had never been the same. It felt like just yesterday that she was watching Grayson cry in the hospital room, holding his baby girl for the first time. Since then there were two birthday parties, almost three years of watching her grow into herself, watching her learn, watching her develop her own little personality. She was Indy’s new favorite thing to study, and she kept herself busy for most of the flight looking through old pictures on her phone. It calmed her more than she thought it would, and kept her occupied until Beks woke up from her nap.

It was a nice distraction for her to focus on keeping her daughter entertained and happy once she maneuvered her out of Grayson’s lap. They colored after Indy fished the coloring book and crayons out from her bag, and they looked at pictures, and watched out the window, Bekah asking “what dat?” over and over again at all the things she could see on the ground.

The flight attendants message to prepare for landing was what finally woke Grayson up from his slumber, and his bleary eyes were immediately guilty.

“You should have woken me up,” he pouted, already looking her over for any sign of her anxious habits.

“We’re okay. I got a handle on it. Glad you’re awake for landing though,” she reassured him, reaching a hand out for his again. He happily took it, and smiled when Bekah leaned over to put her hand on top of theirs, always wanting to be involved. The landing was smooth, and Indy took her first truly relaxed breath in hours once the plane stopped moving at the gate. Bekah felt it, felt her chest rise and fall so dramatically that she turned and smiled up at her.

“Breathe mama,” she said, just like her dad always did. “Big breaf.” Her ‘th’ sounds were still f’s, and Indy selfishly hoped they stayed that way for a while longer. She over exaggerated her next breath so Beks could feel it. It satisfied her enough it seemed, and she held Grayson’s hand as they walked off the plane and into the airport. Grayson’s back hurt by the time they made it to baggage claim from the way he was crouched over to keep his hand in hers, but she was determined to do it herself and keep him close.

All that went out the window when she saw who was waiting for her by the baggage carousel.

“UNCLE ETEE!”

Ethan smiled his widest smile and crouched down with his arms open, ready to catch her as she ran as fast as her little legs would take her. He caught her and tossed her up in the air just to hear her giggle.

“Hi bug! How was Jersey?”

“Good! I saw Grandma Lisa and daddy showed me a waterfall and we stayed in the other house and momma made pancakes. Where’s Miles?” Her attention jumped around like a pinball in the machine, but she looked down to Ethan’s left side where there was usually a very cute five year old.

“He’s home taking care of Aunt Eden, making sure little Maisie isn’t giving her too much trouble.”

“Is she still in her belly?”

“Yeah bug, for a little while longer. But, she missed you so much that she wants everybody to come out to the beach for a little while before it gets dark. And if mommy and daddy are too tired, you can just come with us.”

Indiana wanted to cry. She knew what her brother was doing - giving her an out in case the flight had gone badly, a chance to recuperate if need be. Truth be told, she was still nauseous, but her nerves had settled and the thought of seeing Eden and her nephew were too good to pass up. She’d missed them despite only being gone for a few days.

“We’ll all go, just gotta get changed at the house first,” Indy said, and she felt Grayson perk up beside her, somewhat surprised by her answer.

“Alrighty then, let’s roll.” Ethan led the way with Beks on his hip, Grayson managing most of the bags on the way out to the car. Things had gotten better since they’d traveled with Beks as an infant - less equipment required for a toddler, especially one who was easily entertained by her parents.

Before they knew it Beks was in her car seat, thrilled that her dad climbed into the backseat to ‘hang out’ with her while he gave his wife shotgun. Ethan played Cudi, the clean versions, and everyone in the car sang along, even if Bekah was mostly just humming and kicking her feet.

It took about 30 minutes to get to the main gate of the houses. Indy could still remember the first time she’d been in a car pulling up to the same spot. Things were a bit different now - they’d bought out their neighbors house when it went up for sale, tore down the fences and made it all one big backyard with each of the couples in their own space. E squared kept the original house - it’s where they’d raised Miles after all. Indy had enjoyed getting to make the new house her own. It wasn’t lost on her that it was the bigger of the two, with Grayson’s dream of a big family always at the back of his mind.

It was on Indy’s too, especially when she saw Eden waiting on the porch of their house, her bump on full display, framed out by her bikini and cover up. Maisie Rae Dolan was due in two months, and the whole crew was counting down the days until her arrival, none more so than her mother.

Miles came around the corner at full speed once the car stopped, running around the car to find the only one he ever looked for. Grayson couldn’t get her out of her carseat fast enough, but as soon as Beks was on the ground Miles was hugging her.

“Hi best friend!” Bekah said as soon as her face wasn’t buried in his shirt.

“Hi! I missed you! Daddy helped me make a countdown and I counted all the days until you came back and now you’re here! Do you wanna see it?!”

“Yeah!”

Grayson had to catch the two of them before they went barrelling towards the house.

“Hold on guys, if we wanna make it to the beach early enough to get into the water we all need to get changed and packed up. We’ll see you there Mi, okay?”

Miles nodded once, then immediately turned to Ethan.

“Dad, can I ride with Uncle Grayson and Aunt Indy?”

“They just got back babe, gotta give them a minute to settle in. But, if mom’s up for it we can go early and look for some shells, okay?”

He threw a wink to Grayson as he unloaded the bags. Meanwhile, Indy was on the porch, catching up with Eden.

“Any changes? Contractions or anything?”

“Other than her kicking my spleen every five minutes and sitting on my bladder like a throne, we’re golden.”

She didn’t look golden. In fact, she looked exhausted.

“Miles wearing you out?”

All she had to do was look at her and Indy was laughing.

“Whenever you need us to take him, just send him over.”

“You act as if you too do not have a child that wears you out.”

The pair looked over at their husbands, and their kids. Miles was attempting to climb the tree in the front yard, which was his new found mission he’d been working on. Ethan stood guard below, shifting back and forth to catch his son in case he lost his balance trying to maneuver the first main branch.

Meanwhile, Beks was picking flowers one by one and holding them in her fist. Indy watched as she carried her mini bouquet over to Grayson and held it out proudly. They watched as she stuck her tongue out in concentration while she tucked one behind her dad’s ear.

“Yeah… so whenever you need us to take him, just send him over,” Indy repeated with a laugh that Eden quickly joined in on, holding her bump with her hands.

“Go get settled, if Beks gets ancy we can load her up with us.”

“She should be fine, we hate unpacking night of anyways. We’ll see you in a little while.”

She was halfway across the lawn before Eden called after her.

“Oh! Before I forget, I had some extra stuff lying around that definitely won’t fit for a while, or ever, after this one -” she pointed to her stomach. “I left them and some other stuff for you in your closet. Anything you don’t want just bring it back and I’ll throw it in the donation pile.”

Indy threw her a thumbs up and rounded up Beks, headed back to their house. She could breathe easier as soon as she was inside the familiar walls. Their house was modern, but every space was warmed by something personal, most of which was made by Grayson. With the transition away from social media and into behind the scenes production, he had more time to build and perfect his craft. Family touches were everywhere as well, from the picture frame on the coffee table from last christmas to the booster seat in the kitchen table chair where they all sat to eat dinner every night. Indy’s work badge was still on the counter, with the nemo sticker that covered her last name so no one could look her up and realize just who she was married to. But below it you could still read the name of the pediatric hospital she called home.

All those thoughts were fleeting though, considering Beks was on a mission to get to the beach.

“I’ll get her ready if you pack the beach bag?” Grayson offered. Indy smiled and nodded, heading back into the bedroom to get changed herself. When she got to her closet, she found the pile of things from Eden - some of her tighter dresses, jean shorts, bikinis, a few bottles of perfume with a note scribbled, smell makes me sick now. Fml. Beside that was a box with a note; pregnancy tests, won’t be needing these anytime soon… hopefully lmao.

Indy rolled her eyes and laughed to herself, putting everything away in its right spot and pulling out a nice bikini from the stack to throw on. She grabbed one of Grayson’s long sleeve shirts to put on over it before she headed back out. The bag was mostly prepped already with the essentials - the beach was a common Dolan outing after all. All she had to add was towels and a sandwich for Beks in case she got hungry.

Food was the last thing on Bekah’s mind it seemed when she came down the hall, already asking if it was time to go. Indy wasn’t one to brag, but her daughter had to be up there with the cutest babies of all time, especially in her custom 2T sized spread positivity hoodie over her bathing suit and tiny chaco sandals. Her hair was still in the tiny space buns that Indy had put them in earlier, only adding to the way she was making her melt.

Indy loaded up the car while Grayson threw on a speedo and regular shorts to cover up with, not bothering with a shirt. Indy preferred it that way - she enjoyed the view, which she had plenty of time to admire from the passenger seat once they were on the road. Grayson held her hand, looking like a Raybans model in his sunglasses, tattoos on full display as he drove. Her favorite was still the forever scribbled out across his ribs, especially with the script right below it. Bekah Nicole. His daughter's name.

It still amazed Indy how lucky she was, to have the life that she did, to have found the love that she had. It took her breath away at times, made her stomach feel like it was floating when she remembered that the man beside her was hers, forever. She turned around the check on Beks, who was telling a story that made no sense, although Grayson was acting like he understood every single word. Their perfect little girl. Even then, she would still tear up if she looked at her for too long.

The secret beach, somehow, still seemed to be their little secret. There were a few couples, but it was mostly empty apart from the other Dolan family that had beat them there. Grayson followed close behind Bekah as she ran through the sand towards Miles.

“Now remember, you have to flip them over and if you even think there might be a hermit grab in there, you put it back because that's his home,” Ethan was informing his son when they reached the group. Eden was already lounged out in a chair, feet buried in the sand and hand absentmindedly rubbing over her bump. She peeked an eye open when she heard Indy start setting up beside her, looking to check on her son before she relaxed back down.

“Momma? You take me in the waves? Pleaseeeee,” Bekah asked before Indy could sit.

“Sure babe,” she smiled, pulling her shirt off quickly before scooping up her daughter and heading towards the water. Grayson wasn’t far behind them, ever the protector, wanting to be close by in case they needed anything.

The water was chilly against Indy’s toes when she got into the break, and she bent down to let Beks stand in the frothy tide. As soon as the water got her feet she squealed, spinning around and reaching up.

“S’cold momma!”

Indy laughed and picked her back up, unsurprised to see Miles and Ethan headed down the beach towards them, undoubtedly with the same idea. She was glad Eden was getting some much needed rest time, so she grinned and bared the cold water on her stomach as she got deeper in, jumping dramatically as the waves came through just to get a giggle out of her daughter. Grayson joined in on the fun, taking his turn to toss Beks up into the air and catch her with a splash and kisses all over her cheeks. They kept playing until the dad’s arms were sore, seeing that Miles wanted in on the fun, and the sun was beginning to set. Beks was cold by the time they made it back to the chairs, and Grayson immediately wrapped her up in a towel and snuggled her up against him, resting his cheek on the top of her head as she curled into his chest.

Indy put her own towel over her shoulders, and the warmth of it was almost enough to have her lulling off to sleep. She fought it off, catching up with Ethan while Eden got Miles ready to go. The kids were wiped, and with a day of travel under her belt Beks was asleep on her dad’s shoulder before they even made it to the tesla.

“Watch this,” he whispered, showing off his skills of placing her in her seat without waking her up. It was impressive, truly, but even more so was the fact that he drove carefully enough through all the traffic on the way that she was still dreaming peacefully when they got home.

“We have to wake her up to get her changed,” he pouted, not wanting to disturb her after the day she’d had.

“I got it. You start on dinner, I’m fucking starving.”

“Deal,” he grinned, leaning across the console to kiss her quickly before getting out. Indy exited the passenger side, opening up Beks door and talking to her quietly until her eyes opened, blinking wide and confused.

“You’re okay babe, we’re home.”

Indy soaked up the cuddles from her groggy daughter on the way into the house. She didn’t bother with anything else - they’d do a bath first thing in the morning. Instead, she moved to the ocean nursery, changing Beks quickly into a fresh diaper and pj’s before laying her down in her bed underneath the jellyfish Eden had helped design for the wall. She kissed her forehead and rubbed her back until she lulled back down, exhausted from the excitement of the day.

Indy felt salty, her skin tight from the water, but she didn’t have the energy to shower. Instead, she headed into her room and grabbed another one of Grayson’s shirts along with some running shorts, taking them into the bathroom with her to get changed.

The cabinet was still slightly open, and she reached down to close it when she saw it. A box of tampons - unopened. It took a minute for her to do the math, and she wasn’t 100% on if she was late or not, but that familiar knot tied in her stomach when she was unsure. Quietly, she locked the door and rummaged around for the pregnancy tests she’d just hidden away.

In the kitchen, Grayson was humming to himself as he strained the noodles for the mac and cheese - two boxes in fact, considering how hungry Indy said she was. The fridge was low considering they’d just gotten back, but he managed to scrounge up some fresh-enough fruit to cut up and put on a plate on the counter.

Indy came back into the kitchen so quietly that he barely noticed as he was stirring in the vegan cheese.

“Jeez Dee, you scared me,” he teased, pulling her in for a hug. “How yah feeling?”

“Exhausted,” she mumbled, relaxing in his hold and melting into his chest. He loved when she did that, let him hold her after a long day. He didn’t pull away until she did, the smell of mac and cheese luring her away.

Grayson took her hips with his hands and helped boost her up onto the counter, passing her the bowl he’d made for her. They ate quickly and quietly, the idea of curling up in bed more and more appealing as the carbs started to settle into their systems. When they’d cleared their bowls Indy moved to the sink, only for Grayson to shake his head.

“I got it. Go get in bed, you had a hell of a day.”

She sighed, kissing his bare shoulder once before getting up on her tiptoes to ask for a real one. He obliged her, bending down to catch her lips with his. “Love you,” she murmured, running her fingers over his back as she walked towards their room. She peaked in on Beks to make sure she was still out before she headed back to the bedroom, pulling out the test that she’d tucked away in her waistband.

She blinked three times, hard.

Two lines. Two very dark lines.

“Holy shit.”

Emotions raced through her so fast she couldn’t catch a single one to give it a name. She barely had it together enough to hide it behind her back when Grayson walked in a few minutes later seemingly unfazed.

“I’m gonna shower real quick, you wanna join?” He offered, looking down into his dresser drawers for a pair of boxers.

“Uh, yeah, yeah I’ll join but can you do me a favor really quick?”

“Hmm,” he asked, turning towards her.

She held out the test in her shaky hand.

“Can you add this to the shelf?”

The shelf itself was on the wall beside him. All the old pictures had made their way over to the new house with some new additions, including the positive test that had told them they were having Beks, her ultrasound, her first birthday party.

It took Grayson a moment to process, and then his hands were shaking too as he took the small stick and looked at it through his blurry eyes.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“For real?”

“For real.”

“We’re having another baby.”

“Yep.”

“Another Beks.”

“Yep.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yep.”

“Holy fuck!” The excitement finally broke through the shock, and before she could move Grayson’s arms were around his wife, spinning her around as he buried his face in her neck.

“You’re pregnant. We’re having another baby.”

“It doesn’t feel real yet. I just took the test before dinner.” Indy’s eyes were watery, her hand automatically going over her stomach.

“It will. It’ll fly by, just like with Beks. Holy fuck, I’m so excited. I love you so much.”

“I love you more,” she whispered, pulling him to her again for another hug.

“Not possible,” he said, shaking his head and kissing her shoulder.

“Well, I love you forever then. I love our family, forever.”

Grayson couldn’t find the words. Instead, he just kissed her, forever grateful for every moment that had led him to right there, his whole world and future under one roof - everything he’d dreamed of within his hands.

#mixtape #im cryin

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imaginesmai · 3 years

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With all my heart (IRONDAD) - Chapter 1

Hey there! I’m back with a full fic! ❤💕💕💕 This is an irondad/bambi/The game plan AU! It’s finished, so it will have two updates every week, or more (if you guys like it a lot!) Make sure to follow me on instagram:@ irondadiscanon to know when I update, more irondad content and fic recs!

SUMMARY: Tony Stark isn't the best dad - distant, cold, almost neglectful. But when his ex-wife dies, he has to take care of his son; 5-year-old Peter, a boy with too many allergies and that can't talk to Tony without stuttering. Follow the path of two hurt people, a man and a boy, who learn how to love each other through thick and thin.-A Bambi AU (Disney) that @buckets_of_stars inspired me into writting that I've mixed with The Game Plan.

AO3 link

Tony has a tight smile on during the funeral. He knows he has no right being there, that most of the people around him, even if they are strangers for Tony, were closer to Mary than him. He shifts uncomfortable in his black suit, fighting the hangover from last night. On his right, Mary’s sister is crying her eyes out, looking at the coffin as its lowered on the ground. From what he has heard, the man besides May is Ben, his husband, and both of them have made a long journey to come to the funeral. It makes him feel bad, because Tony was the one arriving late and he lives barely thirty minutes away.

But the news hit him hard.

For six years, he has been doing just fine. He gets drunk, sleeps around with anyone that catches his eye, bosses around and goes to sleep really, really late. It’s not something to take pride of, but Tony likes his life – now, his past life. There is another thing that has been a constant for the last five years and a half; monthly cheques to his ex-girlfriend account. Since he lost any type of right over his son. Five and half years ago.

Now, Mary is lying eight foot deep in a coffin. He received a call yesterday, and found comfort in his liquor cabinet. He shouldn’t have, he’s sure of it, because he knows that there has to be new changes on his life from now on; but he still kept a small place of his heart for the brunette girl with big, doe eyes that had a contagious laugh. Tony tightens the grip on his left wrist, trying to control the shaking of his hands.

When that doesn’t work, he tries next looking at the small figure gripping May’s legs, close to Tony. It’s not the first time Tony has seen Peter Parker, because once or twice every two months, he gets to spend a weekend with his son. He has a room on the tower, as dull as a white paper, and Tony is listed as his second emergency contact. It doesn’t matter how much he tries to distance himself from Howard. Most of the times the kid is with him, Tony is reminded of the lost chance of raising him. Peter sees him as a stranger, and Tony drinks.

Peter sniffles softly, and May runs a careful hand through his curls. Taking after Tony, he’s short and skinny. The father doesn’t know much about him – that he likes science, is asthmatic and has a list of allergies, dyslexic, and his favourite colour is blue and red. Mary made sure to keep him away from Tony, and she wasn’t wrong. Because Tony is the worst influence the kid can have.

It doesn’t matter, though, because May and Ben are both active workers that are barely home, and Peter doesn’t have any other family left.

“Tony”

He turns around, and shamefully discovers that almost everyone is gone now. Only May, the priest and Peter remain. The last one is still hiding between May’s legs, hiccupping every now and then. Tony blinks and coughs the awkwardness; he tries to clear the wetness around his eyes, and thanks himself for getting dark glasses before leaving that morning. May, always the kind woman, gives him a soft smile, and squeezes his forearm gently. His husband doesn’t like Tony that much, but it seems that May sees something not even Tony himself can see.

“We have to arrange some things. Custody papers and legal documents” she says.

“Yes. I’ll – My driver is just there. He will take us to the notary. He has enough space for all of us. And don’t worry, Happy is discrete. He won’t – “

“Ben and I can take care of it just fine” May interrupts him. He pushes Peter forward, but the boy doesn’t look up. “Peter hasn’t slept much, and he hasn’t eaten since yesterday. I thought that, maybe, you could take him home and rest a little. It’s been hard for everyone.”

“Happy can take him”

“Peter needs his father”

It’s her stern voice. He has only heard it twice; once, when Peter was born and he was late for the birth, and Mary decided she didn’t even want him to meet his son. May had used her stern voice on her and Tony had held Peter close, as the boy latched on his little finger. The second time was directed at him. He was ready to give up the custody of Peter, he didn’t want to go to the trial; and thanks to May, who dragged him out of his ear, he got to see Peter every two months. Even if he hadn’t known how to do it right.

Peter looks up at Tony, and the man notices the tears still falling from his eyes. He has the same look he always carries around Tony; as if he wasn’t his father, just an authoritative stranger that he had to respect.

“I think a nap will do you some good” Tony lowers his voice, and tries to give Peter a reassuring smile. “Did you pack your bag already?”

“No” he answers in a small voice. “Uncle Ben said I c-could do it later”

“We can bring it later. Maybe have a last dinner together before we leave?” May suggests, and Peter nods vigorously. “We have to leave tomorrow morning. But we are only a few hours away. If he gets sick or needs anything, we’ll be here as soon as possible. And that goes for you too Tony. You can call me anytime you want”

“I think we’re gonna be just fine. Right, Peter?”

Tony holds his fist so that Peter can bump it, but the kid just stares at it. Possibly, it’s not the best place to do something like that. Reluctantly, he lowers his fist. He remembers the first time Peter was brought to him as a conscious human being, not a baby. Mary had been on a trip with him for three months, and Tony got to stay with Peter for a week – and in that moment, when Peter didn’t call Tony daddy but ‘Mr Tony’, Tony realized that Peter didn’t see him as a father. As a dad.

It hurts him that he hasn’t known how to be there for his son. Some of the dates Mary and him set for Peter to stay with Tony were spent poorly; Tony out drinking and Peter with Pepper or with a nanny. Tony missed some of them because he liked to party, and the man wasn’t there when the kid had his first asthma attack and ended up in hospital. He wasn’t even there for Peter’s fourth birthday, because he was lost somewhere in Monaco drinking expensive liquors and losing consciousness.

Selfishly, he thinks that this is his chance to make things right. Peter has to stay with him, because there is no chance that he lets the boy in the system, and staying with his aunt is impossible. So, he tries to bury his hurt and keeps the kind smile on.

“Give me a call when you’re finished” he tells May, who nods. The woman kneels in front of Peter, and cradles his cheek.

“We can come whenever you need us. Ask Tony to call us or use the phone mom got you, it’s in the bottom of your bag. You remember Ben’s number?” May asks. Peter doesn’t answer. “Come here, give me a big hug”

Peter launches himself to his aunt’s arms, letting out a chocked sob. May hugs him tight and lets him cry on her shoulder. As most of the times he’s with his son, Tony feels misplaced. Like he’s watching a show he’s not a part of – like it isn’t his family. It’s not, his mind supplies. They break the hug before Tony can dwell on the thought for too long. If someone expected Peter to hug his father next, they get a huge disappointment. Peter moves to stand close to Tony, and quickly dries his tears so Tony doesn’t notice them.

“No peanuts, walnuts, cashews or hazels. That goes for Nutella or other chocolate sweet that could have hazels” May remembers him, although Tony has JARVIS programmed to keep up with Peter’s allergies. “There are epinephrine injections in his bag, with the instructions. He has to take his vitamins every morning. After breakfast”

“And I have to be careful with lobsters and oysters, because they upset his stomach”

“You have to cut the crust off the sandwiches, and Peter doesn’t like cheese sandwiches. But make sure to put extra cheese on his pizza”

“He also likes mac and cheese, I know” Tony says with a bit of annoyance. “He’s my son. I know him better than what you think”

“You better take care of him, because I don’t care how much money you have or how important your last name is” May takes a threatening step forward. “If I have to drag your sorry Stark ass to court, I will. Without blinking once”

Tony briefly remembers the conversation he has had with May before the funeral. Mary said it in her will, Ben and May knew they would have to change their life style if Peter came to life with them, and Tony was the most capable person, in materials and financial terms, to take care of Peter. But still, she had offered to take him. And Ben had threatened Tony. The man hopes he can live to everyone’s expectations.

He reaches a hand and brings Peter closer. In a soft whisper that only comes out every now and then when he’s with his son, he tells him to go and wait in the car. Peter gives a quiet ‘yes sir’ and hugs May one last time. Tony doesn’t miss the glassy eyes May gets when Peter wraps his skinny arms around her waist and squeezes her tight. He has never received a hug from Peter.

Not like he feels worthy of them.

Peter waves at her and drags his feet to the car. The boy likes Happy, or at least he likes him as much as he can like someone from Tony’s life – he gives the man some rare smiles and actually answers to his questions. He watches as Peter disappear inside the car, and closes the door behind him. Then, he turns to May.

“You can’t say those things in front of Peter” he argues. “He’s gonna think I’m some kind of monster that it’s gonna eat him at night”

“He already thinks that. Why do you think he wanted to spend the night with us in the hotel instead of going with you? Peter is afraid. The only memories he has with his father are you sitting on a couch drinking, hiding in the lab or giving him away to nannies” May points a shaky finger at him. “He spent the whole night crying and sobbing, but when he comes here, he tries to hide it so you don’t see him. Trust me when I say he knows where he’s going”

“And what am I supposed to do? If he hates me so much, then maybe you should take him!”

There is a second of silence in the lonely cemetery.

“Peter doesn’t hate you, Tony. He thinks you don’t want him” she says sadly, and Tony thinks he preferred the idea of Peter hating him. “All he knows is a cold man with a hard face, that didn’t make an effort to love him when he went to see you”

“I really don’t know how to fix that, May” he admits. He realises his own eyes are getting misty behind the glasses, but he doesn’t feel strong enough to wipe them. He only wants to go back home and lock himself in the lab with a bottle of whisky, maybe two.

“You and I both know you love him. You did things wrong, but so did Mary. So just – show him you love him, now. Consider this your chance to be a father to Peter, a real father”

May surprises Tony by dragging him into her arms, and he goes rigid. He doesn’t like behind handed things, he doesn’t like shaking people’s hands, he doesn’t like touching anyone and doesn’t like being touched unless it’s Pepper. He has ignored Rhodey’s calls and Happy attempt to comfort him, because he knew that no matter how much he hated physical touch, he would break down.

So, Tony breaks down in sobs, and hugs May Parker back. The woman is tall but skinny, yet is almost as strong as Tony. It’s the touch he needs, because it manages to keep him together. Tony thinks of Mary, of how beautiful everything was before he fucked up and she left, pregnant without knowing. He thinks of her sweet smile and dimples, of her brown curls that fell loose on her back. And he sees her in the boy in the car, in the way he pretends to be collected but wears his heart on his sleeve.

A raindrop hit him on the nose, and when he looks up, he’s met with another on his left glass. He tears away from May who doesn’t bother wiping the tears away from her cheeks. They share a short nod and a few words, then Tony walks towards the car. He tries to make the small distance to it as long as possible, because he doesn’t want to meet the doe, bambi eyes that will stare at him in the car.

Because Peter does that a lot – staring at Tony. Not talking, not smiling. Staring at Tony as if he’s looking for something that he doesn’t have. That’s part of the reason why he avoids the boy so much, because if he can’t be what Peter needs, then what good can he make?

Apparently, he’s about to find out.

Want to read more? Check out my side blog @imaginesmaimasterlists, where I keep all the masterlists! Feedback is always appreciated

#peter parker #Irondad and Spiderson #irondad fic #irondad #irondad imagine #spiderson and irondad #iron dad #iron dad imagine #iron dad fic #iron dad series #tony stark #tom holland #rdj #Avengers

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thevividgreenmoss · 3 years

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My grandfather was awake and lucid for a longish while between late Friday night and Saturday morning apparently first time since this past Sunday when we all thought that was It and crammed ourselves seven people in one sedan that got a flat on the way over of course (as we were leaving the handle of the screen door came off in my hand as I was closing it behind me so the vibe was very on the nose things farcically falling apart that whole goddamn day lol) but then when we made it he was smiling and laughing and talking to and teasing everyone that was there, albeit with much more effort than it would have taken him even just a week earlier when he was already in a really frail state because of his hip surgery. My sister happened to be up later than she usually ever is and got to video call and chat with him for a bit I wanted terribly for my cousin in Colorado to be able to also but by the time he could get through my grandpa's blood pressure had suddenly spiked or something and he'd drifted back into that borderline unconscious state so they didn't get a chance to talk which makes me want to claw my fucking skin off of my face but who knows maybe another opportunity will present itself hopefully it does like he suddenly became really talkative and energized the other day after not having said more than maybe a couple sentences over the few previous days like I was there with him for several hours on Thursday and the entire time he didn't say a word and only opened his eyes once for like half a second and even that I might have been imagining after sitting there sleep-deprived and holding his hand trying not to cry because then my mom would start crying and then my aunt and on and on and if he's conscious at that point he'll start to get worried and his heart rate will destabilize but after that for this one stretch without anyone expecting it he was really talkative and alert and joking around with the nurses and doctors and all that for a while but then later yesterday afternoon he started to get disoriented and drift in and out of the present in between dreaming and waking again at one point apparently he kept saying 'look at my shoes' to my mom and her sisters and they thought it was just just the medication/pain-induced delirium talking but he kept insisting and eventually said 'you're not taking me seriously' and I guess gave up? Or said it a few more times I'm not clear on the course of events I only heard all this secondhand when my younger aunt, who also got diagnosed with cancer late last year but thankfully is more or less in the clear now, got back home last night and she and I went into his room and took all the shoes out of the cabinet he keeps them in and like looked inside and turned over and examined the soles of every pair, took the cushion insert things out of the ones that had them, checked for scooby doo-esque hidden doors, all that but there was nothing there just shoes. Her kids flew back out yesterday morning, the older one's tentatively returning to Toronto in the next week or so she had a painfully rough time in some ways her first couple of years and then abruptly had to be uprooted and leave because of covid then everything with her mom and in time honored eldest daughter tradition bearing the brunt of the familial frustration and insanity associated with that and now everything with our grandpa I really really want her senior year to go smoothly and be enjoyable and memorable in a manner opposite to how this past year+ has been I'm so worried about her and her little sister's starting freshman year there in the fall and I'm terribly worried about her in a whole different way like she's still really attached to her parents in this innocent way that still strongly resembles like a baby's adoring my mom hung the moon type attachment and it can be especially hard being away for the first time ever when that's the case...like she's hyper hypersensitive even by my family's standards lmao but she does have this sort of self-possession and inner groundedness that no one can quite pin down but it's

definitely there and maybe that

could carry her through I really hope so...they were saying to come up to visit them in the fall hopefully I can find a job soon after returning to Texas and like be able to afford to do that and also like keep paying the bills and shit lol in either case I hope so so badly that they'll be okay like I think they will be the women in my family are all really strong but they've also had to be because of various fucked circumstances and I don't want that to keep having to be the case...my grandpa's a Strong Woman in a certain way also honestly lmao like my mom's aunts have always been like your father raised you in a way beyond even most mothers which like who fucking receives let alone genuinely deserves that kind of praise from their in-laws lmao let alone a man from a notoriously patriarchal culture of a generation when fathers from any culture barely had any involvement in their children's upbringing at all which I mean most still don't but even more so back then and like literally everyone we've been hearing from or seeing drop by at the hospital has a story of how at one point or another my grandpa was there for them when no one else was like distant cousins variously removed and loose family friends all with something about how he comforted me when no one else could, I remember word for word what he said to me when I suffered some loss of my own, he's the strongest man in our family, the best times we ever had were when he was near us, when he'd take us out, his youngest brother's children saying he cared for and spoiled them as if their were his own after their dad died suddenly when they were just kids, my mom's third cousin whose own father was with her till a late age saying that he was even more of a father to me than my own father, his other brother's son who was ostracized for decades by his immediate family on some straight up racist ass bullshit on the part of his mom and older brother because he married a black woman but my grandpa stayed in touch and made sure my mom and uncle did as well and made sure we all got together when he'd came to the states, like even now lying there on what very well might be his literal deathbed when he can barely talk he was telling my uncle he's worried about him and he needs to go home and rest, asking who's taking care of the house, are the kids all okay even at this point his thoughts are for others. After I put his shoes back in the cabinet I closed it and opened the one beside just in case I guess just in case what I don't know but it was just like standard cabinet stuff clothes a shaving kit and a couple of what I assume are photo albums that I didn't feel like I should open for some reason and a few old books, a collection of Ghalib's which I can't really read very easily if at all because it's in Urdu lol, a history of government college of Lahore where his father was teaching at the time of his death and the two philosophy textbooks my great grandfather had written himself, Inductive & Deductive Reasoning, and inside the latter I found a handful of yellowed pages torn out of an old notebook upon which mostly seem to be translations of french poems and I think maybe a song or two? I guess old coursework or just for funsies I'm not sure whether written by my grandfather or his own father. My khala was mentioning just the other day that she'd kept one of my grandpa's old notebooks marked as having been designated for biology but inside it were no actual notes just urdu poetry which she wasn't sure whether it was his own original tossed off work or something the lifelong frustrated creative transcribed while bored in class. The night I got here I was looking through his bookshelves after everyone had gone to bed and then a couple of weeks ago I was sitting in the living room by myself watching archer when my cousin came and sat down next to me upset and unable to sleep on her own first night here and I held her and tried not to cry and then went through the same bookshelves again, this time with my cousin who we came to Pakistan for the first time after moving to the US

to see being born who turned three

the day we arrived on what until this current trip was the last time I was here her little sister having just been born earlier that same year (whose life I may or may not have saved when I caught her after she was dropped by the person holding her (the fact that (parentheticals within parentheticals!) I may or may not have been the one who dropped her in the first place is immaterial imo not that I'm the one on trial here but what's important is that I caught her and if anything this would be an even more athletically impressive and frankly heroic incident if I'd been the one that was holding her to begin with since I was 8/9 years old at the time and there wasn't much of a distance for her to fall and yet I kept her from hitting the ground like talk about reflexes like that's what's important and what's more important than even that @ my year older cousin (whose younger sister was the first baby in the family after myself whose arrival in this world when I was three had me positively giddy in the way that young children get when witnessing the miracle of even younger children, who's the only other one of the cousins that's been here during all this, just me and the three I got to see as darling little babies) who was the only other person in the room with me at the time, is that we take this to our fucking graves no one can hear a word of this least of all any adults in the house who like not that they're the ones on trial here either but like who allowed for this scenario to transpire in the first place where two children and an infant are in a room by themselves unsupervised in retrospect that's somewhat irresponsible not that I'd ever hold it against them or even mention it because then they might get mad and not let me hold my little cousin anymore and I do love holding my little baby cousin and carrying her around everywhere, mostly without incident)) neither of whom I'd see in person again until we visited them in Canada the summer after I graduated college the trip during which I finished the last of the Neapolitan novels the day after landing and turned 22 the day after their mother, my younger khala, turned 43, looking through my nana's bookshelves with my baby cousin no longer a baby but a U of T classics major entering her senior year, noting the overlaps with our own, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, George Eliot, the same exact copies of Cheever and Kafka's collected shorts, Umberto Eco, Proust, wondering what the various titles meant to him or what they might say about him, wondering how much of even the version of him that can be hypothesized based off his library I'm missing now that I'm limited to the much reduced version of what had been in his old home in Lahore (when he visited us after my junior year of hs and my mom was trying to convince him to downsize and move in with my other aunt with whom he's been living the past several years, the one who most resembles my grandfather the only one that has his cheekbones my khala whose eyes have sunken all the way into her skull before my eyes with exhaustion and grief over the past two weeks, when my mom was like what's the point of just hanging onto a bunch of books that you've already read: I look at them [dramatic pause], and I feel happy [my mom sighing equally dramatically in.exasperation, me cracking up in the background]) the city I was born in the house where I spent the first almost five years of my life before we moved to the US to join my dad who'd moved back shortly after my mom became pregnant with what turned out to be me, abu nana's house with the garden we'd walk through every morning holding his hand and following along as he puttered around with his plants in the garden in the house in the city he had to leave to move into my khala's house in Islamabad where I've been the past almost a month now where two weeks ago he suddenly came down with pneumonia and had to be dragged to a hospital in Rawalpindi where he's been since, not in his house, my nana's house, with the garden in the city I haven't seen since the last time I was in this country the

summer I

turned nine the day after my khala turned 30 the day before my other khala turned 32(?) the summer I first remember obsessive compulsive disorder becoming an overwhelming aspect of my consciousness although it was there before, the first summer of the Iraq war and being terrified watching the Iraq war unfold on the BBC evening news my nana would turn on

at dinner time and hearing for the first time or maybe just the first time I remember the night we left the phrase 'the rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer' from my younger khala talking to her sisters and some family friends that had come over to see us off feeling terrified and cold then embarrassed because she noticed my face visibly fall from across the room and told my mom and I was like godammit everyone knows I'm scared now smhead then crying the entire flight back home because I missed everyone and maybe had a little kid premonition that I wouldn't return to my nana's house and I would be years and years till I saw any of them again some I still haven't or maybe there was nothing premonitory about it but in either case that's the way it turned out. I do feel grateful I got to see him again at all, when he last came to the US late 2016-early 2017 I was sure it would be the last time we would be in the same room. I'd make breakfast for us every morning and we'd eat together and the entire day I'd sit next to him inhaling secondhand smoke and talking and reading. I was in the midst of my initial aborted attempt to read Swann's way when he arrived. I'd gotten to Guermantes way last summer but I couldn't find a secondhand copy so I had to read it via ebook and that didn't feel right so I abandoned it until now I've been reading a copy pulled from his bookshelf. Last he visited was the first time I learned we were both Garcia Marquez-heads which I'd kind of assumed before and I showed him Mad Men which he heavily fucked with and also every John Le Carre adaptation I could track down online. From the first time I read one hundred years of solitude the summer after freshman year of college the passage describing Colonel Aureliano Buendia's death already absolutely and unbearably heartwrenching enough immediately brought thoughts of my grandfather, aching aching sorrow over the solitude that he himself existed within in all the fucking pain his life has been inordinately filled with grief over the knowledge of this inevitable final separation from him after so many years and so much distance already having separated him from the people he loved and cared for and he loved and cared for so many people so deeply with such sincerity and beauty and endless endless warmth and compassion and humor when Gabo wrote of the colonel trying to reach back through to his memories and being unable to after previously recalling that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice even years later, as he faced the firing squad, at the moment of his death like a 'baby chick' my poor frail beautiful grandfather appearing exactly the same way when he'd take off his dentures and curl over to the side to sleep, then when awake but still half asleep hearing your voice having brought his apple cider vinegar and garlic concoction or a cup of tea or just coming by to hold his hand or play with his beard the way all of his grandchildren have at one point or another and smiling with his eyes still closed smiling bright and wide the expression of a precious little cat purring as you scratch under its chin always the most beautiful smile and even as his hair turned white and his body withered and wrinkled and shrunk his cheekbones while still not bad long ago ceased being the way they were in that picture from his wedding day back when he he looked like young Robert De Niro's much much prettier Kashmiri cousin from then until now always that same radiance and those same quick-witted and kind and bright bright bright sparkling eyes. The past month and a half I've been feeling like I'm seeing my own mother dying before my eyes along with her father, my adorable beloved abu nana, I can't even begin to comprehend how she must be feeling right now I feel like I'm witnessing her death in advance through all of this and losing the part of her that is him even though I know that's not actually the case. Things have been so fucking painful and complicated between us but the one thing we've shared that's never

been painful is our love for him. When he left after his last visit four years ago I spent the next two days barely able to even talk. Compliments or like any positive comments directed in my directions have almost always caused me this reflexive discomfort and uneasiness but whenever he or anyone else would say that I'm his favorite grandchild I'd want to hold on to that as closely as i possibly can. I don't want him to leave us and more than that I want for whatever happens to at least happen with him back at home but neither of those things seem likely right now although who the fuck knows. I hope his last thoughts can be of flowers, like Kafka's, and Lispector's, or of love, wherever he is I hope it's not asking too much to hope for that at least. For someone that spent his life so deeply immersed within that Garciamarquesian solitude he never made those around him feel any way other than at home, safe and warm and loved and adored and adorable and lovable and at home not because of a place not even the garden at the house in Lahore but with him always always I've never felt more at home than during the times I spent near him, and his love and his flowers

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kayrowsyrup · 2 years

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So some sad news.

Yesterday (1/272022) my mom passed away.

She had been in the hospital since the 27th of November 2021 because of pancreatitis and peritonitis. But she just kept having medical issue after medical issue. I don’t think her heart or body could take it anymore.

It was very traumatic as my sister had noticed that my mothers chest has stopped moving and that her heart rate had gone down to 42.

For those wondering how we were visiting, the hospital here was allowing patients two visitors a day.

A few minutes after she told them this we were rushed out of the room and a “code blue” was announced over the intercom. It took them 20 minutes to get her heart going again but then she code blued again and it took them two more minutes.

My sister and I had no medical authority so we couldn’t make a decision, and we wouldn’t until we got a hold of my dad, who was underground in a coal mine, and my little brother.

We told the doctors to resuscitate out mother, and keep resuscitating her until my dad either got to the hospital, which he was two hours away, or gets in contact with him.

Thankfully the mine he works at has been accommodating since my mom got sick and ran down to get him as soon as I told them it was a code blue.

When he called my sister tried to tell him what was going on but she was incoherent with sobbing and hyperventilating that I took charge until my uncle and aunt came to sit with us.

The doctor came in and told us that my mother was more than likely brain damaged. There was no reaction when they shined a light in her eyes and no gag reflex.

My uncle helped me take charge til my dad got there. He, my brother, and sisters, and I all agreed that a vegetive state was not the kind of life my mother would have wanted to live.

So around 11:00 last night my mom passed away.

This is a grief unlike any other Iv had.

Please, those of you who have good relations with your moms. Hold her tight tonight. Cause you don’t know when you’ll get to hug her again.

“The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her.” -unknown

#griefandloss #mom #mother

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bijesperfahey · 2 years

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Okay so this shit is long this shit is kind of sad please keep scrolling if ur not up for it

On Jaunary 6th my aunt posted something on facebook that is roughly summarized as ‘everybody please pray for my mom i’m not ready to lose her’ and I was like wtf but she is often very intense and dramatic and nobody else said a word (including my step mom/dad who are pretty good at keeping me in the loop) so I figured it was like....one of her many health issues flaring up and that I’d ask when enough time had passed that she wouldn’t be actively dealing with it

On the 12th my sister text me and was like ‘hey me and mom and dad are here’ and I was like ‘oh okay is it because [my step brother] had a baby’ and she was like ‘no it’s because of Mamá’ and I was like okay what the fuck ????

Today I finally had a day off work so I went down and I got The Full Story of what’s been going on

My grandmother was put in the hospital shortly after New Years because she went to the dr for routine bloodwork and they were like ‘you are actively in kidney failure it is VERY severe you need to get to the hospital immediately’. She was there for almost a week before my step mom called my grandma (because she and my dad talk ever weekend) and the above aunt answered the phone. Only then did my family find out what was going on:

In that time period she’s had tubes placed in her bladder and kidneys to help them drain/function better, and then a second surgery after that because the tubes kept kinking, and thus not functioning right.

It was at about that time that they realized that the reason her kidneys were so bad was because the cancer (previously in her bladder) had spread to her kidneys as well and they are full of nodules

So my step mom gets a hold of my oldest uncle (grandma’s power of attorney) to grill him for 1. Not telling them ???? and 2. To figure out why the fuck all this is being done because grandma explicitly said she didn’t want anything like this done. Like she declined all kinds of treatment for her cancer over a year ago, has repeatedly declined them since, and has said outright she refuses to live out the rest of her time in assisted living

And then they tell her that they weren’t planning on telling anybody until grandma was home or if she died

the fun part here is that the people who have the most recent experience with intense inpatient care is mine because of my dad’s accident, and my step mom works in a hospital and has the most experience in navigating these situations, knowing the questions to ask, etc and when they first started this my uncle hadn’t even spoken to a doctor or case worker yet like ???? the fuck ???

And then to top it all off yesterday they were talking about discharging her on Monday (functionally for hospice care) but they were noticing she was still having problems so they did more xrays and found....pneumonia in one lung and nodules in her lungs as well

So now we don’t know what the fuck is going to happen, or what discharge looks like. My grandma’s english is very broken, so we’re 99% positive she’s agreeing to treatments they’ve offered her because she’s in so much pain that if they even hint that it’ll treat it she’ll take what they offer

Today we actually got to talk to her on the phone because no visitors because covid and she sounded so sad and so tired and just kept saying she wanted to leave, and she wanted to be home :(

The only good news is that my sister and I got to work and called the nurses station and confirmed that yes she CAN have things in her room and then we lovingly harassed my uncle until he got her flowers and little treats and we’re looking into bringing her up pictures or a poster or something if they think she’ll be there much longer

Anyways it has been a Long Few Days and please send my family good vibes

#I'd say pray for healing but tbh a huge part of me is just like 'please wait til you're home and go peacefully and painlessly' :/#ANYWAYS that's my life and I can't talk about it anywhere my family will see because i WILL get in trouble for it #(jay if u see this no u didn't)#cancer tw #death tw #hospitalization tw #ask to tag #long post

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justsomeantifas · 4 years

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i grew up in South Florida with my Mom. I was born in Michigan, and around 2000 or so, my dad ending up dying in a pretty messed up way. My mom sent me to live with my grandparents for a while. We lived in New York for a little while, Washington D.C. and finally we moved to Florida. When my mom finally came back to Florida, we lived together till around 2016, and thats when we moved back to Michigan. The whole time i was growing up, my mother never mentioned my dads side of the family, so i never had any contact with them, until we moved back. When i moved back, a few of my aunts, my cousins and my brother started to get in contact with me. I was away from them for over 18 years, and they still remembered me. Because i never had contact with them, i was a little spooked, but i never forgot about them. So around thanksgiving of 2018, i ended up going to jail. I was doing bad things and i ended up turning 21 in jail. My birthday is in January, and i didnt get out until around the beginning of april. When i got out, i came home to find everything that i owned, was sold. My clothes, my T.V.sentimental items, everything. My mom got really bad into drugs and was really abusive, so i decided to leave. I was homeless for about 2 months. During this time, i was volunteering at a local soup kitchen. I started because i was assigned community service hours, but i went everyday to help because i was homeless, so that gave me a hot meal to eat, and it made me feel good also. I actually did alot for that company, they had me as the face of thier Company, and i also was on the raido for it. Well, i also ended up missing two court dates during this time, so even though i was volunteering, i had 2 warrants over my head. While i was going thru this, i was feeling really low. I didnt have a job, i was in a city i wasn’t familiar with, and i was homless and on the run. I felt like i was completely alone, i had nothing and i couldnt lose anything. I started to post some really dark things on my facebook, and thats when my dads side of the family reached out to me again. It was one of my cousins, and he told me he would come and get me for the weekend to stay and get my mind off things. I agreed, and from the moment he picked me up, i never felt love like this before. He tookd me out to Ohio, and introduced me to all my grandmas, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins and my brother. I wasnt alone anymore. So that following week, i decided to turn myself in and get everything over with and out the way, so i could start doing better again. So, i did. By the grace of god, the Judge dismissed all my cases, i only had to do 2 weeks and i was released from probation. Within that same hour, i was on my way to Ohio to start a new life. Ive been here since around October, and ive never been happier. I got a job, i record music everyday and im happy. But this is where i need help. Me and My moms side of the family dont get along very well. I was absent for a very long time, so i dont have contact with them. When we moved back, My great grandma was the only person i still have contact with. Shes 93 and I try to talk to her whenever i can. Well, yesterday i called, and she told me some things. She has very bad vision problems, and a very bad heart. She told me the last 4 days, she was admitted into the hospital because of her heart. The hospital released her, and gave her some medication to take for 30 days until we go back on the 24th, but last night she had another attack at 3am in the middle of the night. Right now she is in Adrain Michigan, i am in Columbus Ohio. I work at a restaurant, so ive been off work for the past 2 weeks or so. I have no money and i dont know what to do. Ive asked everyone i could, and no one can help.

I hate to ask, but if anyone could please just spare somewhere around 100 so i can pay for a bus ticket there and back, or if someone could get me a bus ticket for there and back. Im at a loss right now and this is my last resort.

My cashapp is $jayviouswooley my venmo is @jayviouswooley. My # is 419-297-3589 if needed. Thank you.

#donations #signal boost #mutual aid #direct action #abuse ment /#domestic abuse /#submission

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glassesandkim · 4 years

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I hope we get something about Levi's mom this season. Even if it's just one sentence I want to know if he's talking to her or not. They left on pretty shaky ground and it's been what two-three months in grey's time? I want to know how Levi is doing and I want to know about his dad. I want Levi to have a dad.

Here, friend. I wrote something! You can read it here or on ao3.

It’s not even morning rounds yet and Levi has already had to call time of death.

It’s in these moments that he doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore. He doesn’t know if he’s a doctor or just a guy collecting deaths on his wrist. Even when he closes his eyes, he sees the red flash of alarms on monitors and hears the incessant drone of hearts flatlining.

Yesterday, it was three. The day before, it looked hopeful at just one death. Today? He doesn’t know. He really doesn’t know.

“Schmitt!”

It’s bed sixteen: Claudia Walton. Grey’s there, already doing chest compressions. He grabs the laryngoscope and tube that’s already being handed to him by a nurse. He can hardly see into her airway. It’s so swollen that he throws the tube on the floor and is immediately given a smaller one.

They’ve done this so many times. Nobody really has to say anything. They know the flow, the pace. Adrenaline takes over and there’s only one goal in all of their minds.

“Time of death, 7:27,” he breathes out, his breath is hot in his mask and gets trapped beneath it. Grey is gone in a flurry of yellow and blue. The nurses and PCTs start cleaning up around him.

He’s so tired.

It’s three in the afternoon when he finally gets to go for lunch. They’re only allowed to sit two at a table and Levi, in an exhausted daze, almost forgets to take off his mask when he tries to take a bite out of his sandwich.

He sees a flash of someone familiar through the cafeteria doors. Fluffy hair atop of golden skin and broad shoulders in dark blue scrubs. He swallows hard, catching a much needed breath.

Suddenly, his shift is over but he’s still running a code and another starts just as Grey begins bagging. He jumps across the hospital floor towards the symphony of alarms and beeps. His tired, urgent voice joins in amongst the noise.

He loses the seventh patient of the day an hour after he’s supposed to be off.

“Go home, Schmitt,” Grey says and all but pushes him out the doors of the Covid ward. Her eyes are red-rimmed and her breath fogs up inside her headgear.

Levi doesn’t remember how he makes it to the resident’s lounge. Or when he passes out on the couch. His mask is riding halfway up across his face and that’s when he remembers Ms. Walton’s laugh just the other day. She was so nice and so warm. She asked him how he was, made him promise to stay safe and to eat, even between coughs and tired sighs. She was alive yesterday. Now she’s dead.

“Hey.”

Nico’s leaning against the doorway, hands in his pockets. And Levi just about wants to run to him and jump on him, rip that damn mask off and kiss Nico’s mouth.

But Levi only replies back, “Hi.”

They do it in the bathroom. Levi’s head resting against Nico’s shoulder. One hand gripping tight around his bicep and the other tugging at the hair at the nape of Nico’s neck. It’s getting long and it covers his eyes. So when Levi lifts his head to watch Nico, just as he slides his own hand underneath the waistband of Nico’s pants, all Levi sees is nothing but hair and mask.

He hasn’t kissed Nico in weeks.

There are a lot of things he hasn’t done since the world turned upside down. Like go to the dentist despite the ache in the back of his mouth. Or grab takeout from the sharwma place down the street because that business is closed and probably gone forever. Or, what he really really wants is to go see his mom.

Levi really can’t believe he hasn’t seen her since —

“What’s wrong?” Nico’s voice is soft and comes from far away.

He’s really thinking about his mom right before sex. Normally, he would be slamming his head against the wall, trying to stop this obscene train of thought, but nothing’s normal. And it’s the first time in eighteen hours that he’s had a moment to actually think. And goddamnit, in this moment, he misses his crazy mom who has probably been hoarding bagels and fighting people over jugs of hand sanitizer. His mom who calls him everyday and who is almost always met with his voicemail because he’s too busy, too tired, too whatever. His mother who raised him, clothed him, fed him and loves him and who he left because she couldn’t see that existing as who he is, meant existing beyond his little room in the basement.

Despite all that, he misses his ima so much.

His chest hurts as he takes a couple of deep breaths. Nico looks concerned now, brows knitted underneath his messy bangs. Levi feels a hand come up to touch his cheek. It’s Ms. Walton’s, her laugh sings prettily in his ear and he swears he’s not running a code, but the page is going and it’s his two hundredth death of the day. Chest compressions! Chest compressions! Chest compressions! He’s been doing so many his arms have become jello. He can’t do it anymore. He’s so tired. He’s so so tired.

“Levi?” Nico calls him again, and ah -- what? They’re back in the bathroom now, but Levi’s trying hard to focus on breathing — in, out — in, out — in — in —

The next thing he knows, he’s on the cold floor in Nico’s arms, back pressed flushed against the other’s chest. His mask is on the floor in front of them and Nico’s whispering things like “You’re fine, Levi. Breathe. That’s it. Good. You’re doing great. You’re fine. You’re okay.”

Fuck, shit, goddamnit! He wants to say all of that but breathing seems to be the only thing he can do right now.

It takes a bit but eventually, Levi feels like he’s back inside of his own body again. Although, it feels incredibly heavy and useless so it’s a good thing Nico is strong and lifts him up to his feet easily enough.

Nico guides him back to the couch and thank god the lounge is still empty. He forces Levi to lie down and slides a cushion under his head and kneels beside him. The same, warm and steady hand comes back to hold his face again and this time, Levi knows it’s Nico’s. His other hands takes Levi’s pulse on his neck. He sees Nico’s mask is gone too, his face a sight Levi’s been craving.

But he can’t stand the way Nico is looking at him, all worried and sad, like Levi’s going to breakdown, even though he just did. He hates that.

"Hey,” Levi says, trying and watching Nico. "At least this time, I didn’t faint in an OR.”

Nico stares for a moment, his thumb pauses under Levi’s eye, and then he chuckles, shaking his head, eyes crinkling. Levi missed this.

They stay like that for a while, not talking. His eyes closed and counting each breath that comes out. Levi greedily drinks in Nico’s warm touch.

“How many today?” Nico’s voice is quiet.

Levi opens his eyes, makes to say the number, but something catches in his throat. Ms. Walton was the worst one.

“One of them reminded me of my mom,” Levi manages to say this in a whisper.

Nico frowns. “And is she—?”

“Dead.”

A pause. "I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

He wants to call his mom. Even his aunts and his uncles. His cousins and their kids. Hell, if he could call his father, he would. But the guy left him and his mom when he was a kid. Yet Levi would still want him to be okay. To be safe. To be healthy.

Nico hasn’t stopped touching his face, holding his cheek and rubbing the space between his cheek and his ear. The skin there revels with heat.

Maybe Levi’s a little angry. Angry at the world, at the pandemic. Angry that his mother tried to hide his being gay from the world. Angry that the fear of the disease is so big, it eats him up whole every time a new case comes in. And he’s angry that he’s alone and Nico is supposed to be nothing even though he’s right in front of Levi, being there for him, holding him, smiling. Like this could be a thing, more than just stress relief. And now he’s angry he’s being hopeful when he knows he shouldn’t be.

He loved Nico. He still does. Levi loves Nico.

Nico looks like he wants to say more. Levi swears he sees something shining, threatening to escape in Nico’s eyes. His lips parted and his expression open and soft. For a moment, Levi thinks it might happen. He doesn’t know what Nico might say but he’ll listen. He hopes Nico knows that he’ll always listen.

He can’t help but grab Nico’s hand in his. But then Nico’s gaze hardens again and their hands fall apart.

“Do you need anything else?” Nico asks, standing up and looking away from him.

Levi sits up and tries to hide his disappointment. “Maybe you could just forget that that happened? I’ve got enough things to be embarrassed about.” He adds on when Nico smiles, “No, I’m all right.” “Okay.” Nico doesn’t even hesitate when he turns towards the door, putting his mask back on.

“Are you?” Levi blurts out, not ready for him to leave just yet. “Are you okay, Nico?”

Nico stops. And Levi wants him to look back, wants to see him, but Nico doesn’t.

"I’m fine, Levi.”

And then he’s alone again.

#schmico #grey's anatomy #i didn't mean to write a fic but heereeeeee #levi has a dad :(#mywriting #gk asks #anonymous

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raywritesthings · 3 years

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In the Family

My Writing Fandom: Arrow Characters: Olivia Queen, Connor Hawke, Laurel Lance, Oliver Queen Pairing: Laurel Lance/Oliver Queen Summary: This Christmas, the second Black Canary can hardly wait to make her debut. But, dinner comes first. Notes: Future Fic AU where Oliver and Laurel got back together at some point and both are alive and happy and raised a family together. This family consists of their daughter, Olivia, and their adopted son, Connor, who chose his name after coming out as transgernder to his biological parents (the Diggles) and running away from home. *Can be read on AO3, link is in bio*

Olivia’s leg bounced up and down beneath the table as she watched her dad bring the last of the dishes out for their feast.

“Mm, you outdid yourself this year, honey,” her mom said as she finished pouring them each a glass of club soda. As her dad circled back round the table, he dropped a kiss on her mom’s cheek. Her mother let out a giggle that said he’d probably grabbed at her as well. Olivia rolled her eyes and looked to Connor for a silent show of support. Their parents could be so gross.

Connor, however, just shook his head with an indulgent grin and spooned some potatoes onto his plate before passing her the serving dish. Connor seemed to find these sorts of things less gross the older they got, and he said she’d feel the same one day. Olivia didn’t mind the idea of dating somebody herself so much — but these were her parents!

“Eat up, everybody,” her dad said as he took his spot beside mom. He remained standing to carve the turkey, however.

Olivia intended to do just as he asked and plopped a spoonful of the potatoes on her plate before grabbing the vegetables out of Connor’s hands and loading some of those on. “Pass the rolls, please.”

“Slow down there, Kid Flash,” Connor remarked. Olivia stuck her tongue out at him. She wasn’t even a kid anymore, and she wasn’t going to be caught dead with the name Kid attached to her moniker.

She focused instead on eating the food that was already on her plate since the rest of her family was determined to be slow about this. Olivia had already shoveled half her vegetables into her mouth before her mother spoke up again. “Your brother’s got a point, Liv. You’re liable to give yourself hiccups at that pace.”

“And when it comes to you and your mom, those can get dangerous,” her dad added, earning a dirty look from both mother and daughter — the two metahumans of the family — present. He raised both hands in the air. “Kidding. But why don’t we all take a minute to appreciate a meal around the table on Christmas?”

The rest of her family nodded while Olivia held back a groan. She liked eating with her family, but ever since she’d gotten her present this morning — a real, official suit made by Uncle Cisco himself — she hadn’t been able to think about anything other than going out for her first patrol. Connor had been promising he would take her with him for ages, and now that she had a suit there wasn’t any excuse to keep putting it off. She knew he was at least planning to check in at the base to make sure nothing needed a hero’s intervention later tonight. Criminals didn’t always take holiday breaks, after all.

She attacked the piece of turkey her dad passed her with vigor, swishing it down with a swig of the soda. “Liv,” her dad said, his tone taking a slight warning edge.

“I just really love your cooking, dad!” Her innocent smile wasn’t fooling him one bit, as always.

“Well, I’m glad you do. You’re going to have time for seconds before your brother’s done with his plate.”

Okay, so they were all totally seeing through her. So what? Olivia threw her hands in the air. “You can’t get mad at me for being excited. I’ve been waiting for tonight my whole life! And- and I’m just making sure we have enough time to get out there and keep the city safe.”

“I’m sure whatever threat is out there can wait until after Christmas dinner,” her dad replied dryly. Olivia huffed in annoyance.

Out of the corner of her eye, she watched her mom lay one hand over her dad’s before she leaned closer to Olivia across the table. “We know you’re excited, sweetheart, and that you’re ready. This is a big step for all of us. It feels like just yesterday we brought you home from the hospital, and now you’re growing into your own hero.”

Olivia continued to look away, determined not to soften.

“Being a hero is not always easy, either. It was different when your father and I started out. The way you kids have all been raised into it… it’s hard for us to wrap our heads around sometimes. But what we do know is it’s important to keep in mind the things you are fighting for when you’re out there. Like family.”

“And that’s why we’re staying for the whole dinner,” Connor finished.

Olivia sighed, her shoulders drooping. “You know I love you guys… I guess an hour or so doesn’t hurt.”

“No, it doesn’t. Cherish the calm nights, Liv,” her dad said. “I know I always do.” He’d flipped his hand over so his fingers could interlace with mom’s, and the smile they shared was all kinds of sugary-sweet schmaltz, but… it was Christmas. She supposed they were allowed.

They did a video call partway through the meal to Aunt Thea and her family, and the talk about different presents they all received distracted her long enough that she was surprised when Connor stood and stretched. “Okay, think it’s about time,” he decided.

Olivia’s heart leapt, and she jumped up from her chair. “Really?”

“To do the dishes for mom and dad before we go to the base.”

“Ha-ha,” she said, punching at his arm. He snickered and motioned for her to follow him into the kitchen. It was fair, she supposed. Dad had made the meal, and mom brought everything back out to the kitchen for them.

She brushed some of Olivia’s hair back from her forehead while she dried a pan Connor had passed her. “You are going to be great out there. Your father and I have known it for years. But just make sure you and your brother are looking out for each other, okay?”

“We promise, mom,” they both chorused. Olivia could feel her cheeks burning a little from the praise, but it was a pleasant burn. Her parents always made her feel special and loved, and she knew from the little she’d been told by Aunt Thea and even a shame-faced Grandpa that that had been a conscious choice on their part. They’d done the same when they’d taken Connor in after he’d ran away from the Diggles, and she’d watched the shy kid she’d known grow into a confident young man with their acceptance and support. Olivia knew she would be in good hands following Connor’s lead tonight.

Their parents hugged and kissed them at the door, her dad’s bear hug lasting a good while longer than usual. “Gotta go, dad,” she reminded him. “Time to fly.”

“I know,” he replied, his voice suspiciously thick. “Our city’s been missing a Canary for too long. I love you so much, baby girl.”

Olivia felt tears prickle at the corners of her eyes as she pressed a kiss to his scruffy cheek. “Love you, too, daddy.” She was glad her mom was there to wind an arm around dad’s waist once she pulled back. She didn’t want him left alone.

The Green Arrow and Black Canary left home for their base and for the city streets to patrol, keeping watch to ensure a Merry Christmas for all. Their parents waved them off with proud smiles, wrapped in each other’s arms.

#lauriver #lauriverholidays2020 #laurel lance #oliver queen #arrow #green arrow #black canary #my writing #future to fight for

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imaginesforjohnnydepp · 4 years

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Architectural Digest (Power Couple extended imagine)

for @karlacce4 @takemepedropascal

Inside Johnny Depp and Y/N Y/L/N’s Stunning $1.9M New Orleans Home! - Article by Rita Joseph, November 2018

A casually dressed Y/N opens the door on a bright and sunny but chilly Friday afternoon. The Golden Globe nominated actress is just as stunning makeup free and in an old college sweatshirt and jeans and her hair pulled back from her face as she is in expensive designer gowns and jewelry; right behind her is her husband Johnny Depp and their dog Jack Sparrow. “Hey, come on in!” Immediately, I’m greeted with warmth and the scent of cinnamon. The entrance is narrow, and there is a wooden table next to the door with a small bowl which hold two sets of car keys, but there are two doorways across from each other: on the left is the sitting room, and on my right is the dining room with its painted blue walls contrasted with white curtains and a chandelier hanging above the table.

We start with the sitting room which holds a lime green couch adding a nice touch of color against the white walls. There is also a gold ceiling lamp and a glass coffee table. “This is our sitting room, but we use it for a little bit of everything, like a storage room or sometimes a guest would want to sleep in here when they visit because it’s so quiet as opposed to upstairs because we still have teenagers, and there’s a lot of banging around in the morning getting ready for school, or we’ll have friends over.” Those friends would include Brad and Angelina (before the divorce), Tim Burton and Eva Green, Helena Bonham Carter, and Depp’s Hollywood Vampires band mates Joe Perry and Alice Cooper. What great company to keep!

From the sitting room we head into the dining room. “We actually painted the dining room a week after we moved in. All of the walls in the house were white and we thought it was way too much, so we decided to paint it a different color,” Depp said. “The tables and chairs actually belonged to Y/N’s sister and we bought it off her in ‘07 when she moved to another city, and that couch in the other room we bought after Nathan and Noelle’s first birthday.” “It was their favorite thing to play on when they were babies. So hard to believe that was 2004,” Y/L/N reminisced. The blue walls are decorated with a few of Depp’s paintings with a molding of a deer’s head that Y/N got at a flea market.

As we exit out of the dining room, I get a good look at the other side of the wall facing the staircase as we go into the living room. The entire wall is covered in a black and white photo of a jazz band taken at a Mardi Gras parade a few years ago, and there is a nice sized wine cabinet which is the size of a recording booth with only one bottle of wine in it; Johnny has cut back on drinking, but still enjoys a glass of wine every now and then. “I’m not as young as I used to be, and I’m runnin’ around on stage all night so I want to be as healthy as possible when I’m performing and to see the rest of my babies grow up.” The rest of his babies would be Nathan and Noelle, fraternal twins born in 2003. Their oldest kids include 26-year-old Star Wars star John Christopher III, born in 1992, and 22-year-old The Greatest Showman actress Camille.

The living room is gorgeous but simple; an all white leather reclining sectional with built in cup holders surrounds a small wooden coffee table in front of the fireplace which has a flat screen television above it. There’s a chandelier in this room as well, similar to the one in the dining room, and the wooden table behind the sectional breaks up the whiteness of the room. “This is where everyone spends the majority of their time. Morning, noon, night, weekends, we are here, with the older kids when they come over for dinner on Sundays. They’ll come over in the afternoon and stay the whole day.” Even with the oldest kids moved out and with houses of their own, the Depps are still a close knit family with Camille and John Christopher, or Three as he’s called by friends and family, living minutes away. Depp family favorite weekend activity? “Cooking breakfast together and then going to the nearby park or to a flea market or farmers’ market. There’s always something to do do in the city so you’re never bored,” the Dark Shadows actor explained.

When I asked them why they decided to move away from Hollywood, it was an easy answer. Y/L/N said: “we wanted to give them a normal childhood, and you can’t really have that when there are people taking pictures of you in your school uniform heading into school.” The couple moved to the Big Easy before Johnny began filming the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie in 2002, and speaking of cooking, the kitchen is next, and it is every homeowner’s dream. The white marble kitchen island doubles as a sink with its clear backed chairs and a sleek gold light fixture hanging above. A few feet away is a rectangular table with four shelves.

“This is my favorite room. I’m always cooking, and this is pretty much multipurpose room. We do game nights, eat meals, the twins do homework here.” When I joked about the chandeliers, the two only laughed, with Y/N adding, “you’re gonna be seeing a lot of chandeliers in this house. I loved them as a child and always wanted one. Or thirteen. We actually got each of them at Home Depot or Wayfair, and they look good in every room.” At this point, Jack Sparrow begins barking and runs to the front door (the dog, not Depp who plays the beloved swashbuckler). Noelle and Nathan are home from school and they follow the dog into the kitchen.

They are taken aback as they take in the camera man, as they wash their hands in the sink before reaching for the snacks. “Oh, I thought this was happening tomorrow,” Noelle remarks as she reaches for a bag of trail mix from a cabinet and a bottle of water from the fridge. “You have drivers ed tomorrow,” Y/N instantly in mom mode. “And your uniforms are hanging up in the laundry room.” Johnny and Y/N are athlete parents with Nathan playing on his school football team while Noelle is a cheerleader. After getting an okay from the twins to tour their rooms, we head upstairs after the examining the wall of pictures in the upstairs hallway.

Some pictures that have never been made public: a tired looking Y/N in a hospital bed after giving birth to their children, followed by a procession of school portraits and certificates from school. John Christopher and Camille’s graduation and prom pictures. Family outings at the near by park which featured a heavily pregnant Y/N circa early 2000s. A picture of Depp’s late mother Betty Sue and Y/N’s Aunt Claudia smiling as they played cards. And then there were the family portraits.

One that started with John Christopher as a newborn in 1992, then adding Camille in 1996, followed by the twins in 2003. Black and white photos of grandparents and great-grandparents, photos of Depp and Y/L/N ancestors, and the framed Polaroids of Y/N and Depp in Vegas on their honeymoon, after they eloped in summer 1991 after less than a year of dating, and I had to ask the question that’s still on peoples’ minds years later: why elopement? “We were young and didn’t want to go through the process of planning a wedding. I proposed a day after meeting her aunt and uncle and two days later we were married.” You remember that day like it was yesterday; you and Johnny went on vacation to visit your aunt and uncle so they could meet him for the first time as your boyfriend. They loved him, of course and at that point, you’ve only been dating for four months and it was getting serious to the point where Johnny called you his future wife and mother of his children in interviews (which probably wouldn’t be too distant in the future since your period was late). He proposed the night before you left for L.A. after your aunt and uncle had gone to bed and you immediately said yes.

After settling back home, you two took a road trip to Las Vegas the very next day and twenty seven years later, you’re still very much in love. I asked them why move to New Orleans, to which Depp answered: “Y/N was filming a movie here after Three was born, and when I came to visit her with the baby, I think it was during Mardi Gras, we had an amazing time. The food was just incredible, and the people were amazing, and no one gave a fuck about who we were. Once Camille was born, we kept coming back as much as we could, and we decided we wanted to build a life here.” The first room we enter after reaching the landing is the master bedroom. The walls are painted a nice gray, and, you guessed it, a chandelier. “This is our room, where we rarely get any sleep because we have the kids always running in and out for whatever reason--”

“And we also climb into bed with them too,” Noelle interjects. “And other times we just do it to annoy them,” Nathan backs up his sister’s statement. The bathroom is gorgeous with a white tiled floor; the shower stall is in a corner next to Y/N’s vanity, and across from it is a jacuzzi tub set next to a window that had a few candles along the edge, and adjacent from the tub is a double sink. “This is our bathroom, and we do more unwinding here than the bedroom. Whenever one of us comes home from filming or press tours or whatever, we’re in the tub, probably falling asleep.” Next we move to Noelle’s room and it’s something out of a Pintrest board

Pretty pastel pinks and fluffy white rugs and throws with a nice swing chair in a corner, which she calls her reading nook. Black and white framed pictures of her mom from her modeling days as a teenager and pictures of friends and family fill in space on her walls. “Every piece of furniture came from either Wayfair or Overstock. They have such great deals on furniture and rugs, and I’m always scrolling through their websites.” Nathan’s room is a typical boy’s room. It’s a cool gray scale vibe with a portion of the wall behind his bed painted black and there are shelves on either side of the bed filled with books, picture frames and sports trophies. “Dad and I repainted this wall almost a month ago. The sun shines so bright in the mornings and it’s always a pain, and I love when a room is cold and dark.”

He admits to sleeping with the fan on at night, even in the winter. There’s a sleek desk in the corner that holds a laptop and a stack of books, and next to it, against the wall, is a decent sized book shelf. Nathan likes to read, a trait that he and the rest of his siblings picked up from their parents. He and Noelle are having a competition to see who could read the most books by the end of the year. The next room is a low ceilinged guest room which is where Depp’s mother Betty Sue lived her last days.

“This used to be Grandma Betty’s room. Jack comes in here all the time, and we’d find him just laying on the bed,” Nathan says, touching a portrait of his grandmother. The next room is pretty much a music studio, as there’s a drum kit, bass guitars, electric guitars, and a keyboard. The walls are covered with the kids’ school art projects over the years. The room is frequented by Depp’s band the Hollywood Vampires whenever they blow into town, where they write and record new music, and Noelle receives guitar lessons from her father and Cooper. The last room we reach is a game room/homemade home movie theater.

There’s a nice flat screen on the wall and plastic storage bins containing video games, game controllers, and DVDs; Noelle used the room to host a sleepover a few weeks ago, and Nathan and his friends used it to launch water balloons at the neighborhood boys during the summer, which he realizes he makes a mistake in admitting this in front of his parents. Finally we come to the last part of the tour, the backyard which holds a patio and a swimming pool. “I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but we were using the pool up until a week ago. During the spring and summer months, we’ll invite the neighbors over for barbecues or they’ll invite us.” It’s November, and Thanksgiving is a week away. The entire Depp family plans on spending the holiday at the Kentucky ranch Johnny bought for his mother with his siblings. Before we leave, Y/N offers me and the camera man Justin a snack of green tea and cinnamon rolls ushering us politely out of the door so they could have dinner and get ready for Nathan’s game.

The video is now up on architecturaldigest.com and on our YouTube channel.

The video is uploaded on YouTube to great reviews; the viewers love how down to earth and humble you are and that you didn’t spend a ton of money on furniture and other unnecessary miscellaneous items in the house while others wish they had a room like Noelle’s when they were teenagers. The comments range from: i’m a simple person. i see johnny depp’s name and i click on it-user26. i love how they live in a normal looking house in a normal neighborhood. i’m so glad they raised their kids outside of hollywood because john christopher and camille are the most humble nepo kids in the industry and always acknowledge their privilege. can’t say the same for others.- user89. When is Noelle gonna start her modeling career?- user85. i love how close they all are and that they live so close together to where they can get together on the weekends.- user63

dying at the looks johnny and y/n gave nathan when he said he and his friends threw water balloons out the window.- user14. when tf did the twins get so big??? why wasn’t i warned???- user 78. why do noelle and nathan get to look like they just stepped out of a j crew catalog after a day at school but i look like i got beat within an inch of my life by 4th period? - user52

#johnny depp imagines #johnny depp x reader #johnny depp imagine

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