Can't BELIEVE that the RD fandom is sleeping on the "You've (Rimmer) ruined him (Lister)" quote from the scary accented hologram lady in Back to Earth. Much more to say but can't put it into words at the moment.

🔥 is it cheating to give 3 options? anyways: sff, she-ra, or hollow knight?

oh, not at all I love rambling about things

Hollow Knight

idc how lore compliant or noncompliant it is, Hornet is transfem (transed her gender from genderless to female). to me.

She-Ra:

I think folks tend to make adora a little too perfect within catradora's dynamic lol it makes her less interesting like don't get me wrong I love her but for example let's take Taking Control (because it's the one where she's the most in the wrong)

ever since Corridors, adora is fixated on getting catra back to the extent that she forgets to consider the 'after' (sort of "if I can just rescue catra from Horde Prime [then everything will be as it used to be]", where 'as it used to be' is some version of perfect that exists only in adora's head and was never real), so when confronted with the messy aftermath (catra's reaction), adora reacts really badly. the resolution of their conflict that episode isn't as much catra asking for forgiveness as adora letting go of the idea of "perfect" in her head and taking a step back, and catra being given the space to figure out what she wants, and bridging the gap.

(pretty sure I wrote a post sometime ago about how Taking Control parallels Stranded that talks about this in more detail, but from my memory it's pretty bad lol so)

+ what I've said about the miscommunication in Promise. (the posts are from a few years ago but still mostly hold up)

like a lot of the actively fucking up is done by my beloved failgirl catra, but adora's not a passive agent. she has her own issues that conflict badly with both her feelings for catra and catra's issues (very clearly seen in Promise where the crystal castle plays them against each other)

SFF:

see, I have a bunch of opinions about SFF that's probably objectively unpopular, but if I say them on tumblr I'd probably get accused of saying anodyne things to clout-chase /j

(for example "I wish SFF, especially the ones with a focus on worldbuilding, would show more trans and/or nonbinary people bc a lot of them are rather fixated on gender, and it would've been soooooo interesting to see trans folks in there")

hm... here, have a few. one of these's got to be unpopular right

I don't think parts of a story being one dimensional/simplified is inherently bad I think the issue moreso comes from story elements with differing levels of simplification interfacing with each other. so for example I don't mind the Horde under Horde Prime being an evil empire that is evil bc it's the same level of abstracted and symbolic as everything else in She-Ra, but I hated the Liao Kingdom in Y u w u bc Y u w u at least nominally tries to flesh out a complex political system and to tell a story about a corrupt system, so any time the Liao Kingdom enters the story it acts as this vortex sucking out any and all potential complexity

a lot of the posts you see floating around talking about SFF books as a whole are clearly by folks whose only interaction with the genre is close to only LotR and GoT, likely not even the books but only the movies/show

a lot of the time, when folks here refer to GRRM, it feels like they're really invoking an idea of grimdarkness than anything to do with his work, I assume due to the show. like take the often mocked "what's Aragorn's tax policy" line. folks take it as meaninglessly pedantic when, if I'm remembering this correctly, GRRM's point is that a king being kindhearted and good doesn't always translates to that king being good at governing. shrug folks usually use it as a starting point to make good posts but yk. feels a bit unfair to the guy

in general, I have a rule of thumb that if something is often labelled grimdark but still has lingering popularity, it isn't actually grimdark (or specifically, 'grimdark as it exists in the popular consciousness'). it's worked more often than it didn't (malazan, berserk)

fantasy is watercolour. I have no justification for this but it just feels like fantasy should be drawn/animated in watercolour

Whumptober day 29 - prompt is “Better me than you.” 

Writing with bonus art for today! First paragraph is above the cut, the rest and art is below.

---

He lands roughly on a snowy slope, and smashes his head on something on his way tumbling down. Once he's slowed to a stop, the cold pierces through the meager layers he has on. Pain pulses on his temple, and he blearily watches red seep into the white pillowing his head. He feels his thoughts slip out with the blood, but he desperately clings to a single sentence. "Better me than you."

How long does he spend laid up in the unfamiliar bed? It could be hours or years. Time blurs meaninglessly in his feverish haze. He shivers and sweats, unable to do anything but wait for the pain to recede. Strange hands poke and prod, changing bandages and forcing bitter mixtures down his throat. Voices float above him, and shapes that might be faces fade in and out. Even the comforting smile that he knows better than himself doesn't seem real, but still he tells it, better me than you.

 Ingo is more than happy to accept the job as Lady Sneasler’s warden - finally, a way to repay the clan and the noble that saved him. Even if it means moving to the Highlands, where the only other resident is a member of the opposing clan. The wary looks and whispers in the settlement had been getting to him, but even that is better than the emptiness of the mountain. Ingo spends much of his time with Lady Sneasler, and the rest with a gligar he has befriended. No matter how sweet their company, there's a hole next to him that never seems filled. The loneliness is a burden he's willing to bear to prevent another from carrying it, but when the thought better me than you crosses his mind, he feels as though he is referring to someone other than the Pearl Clan.

 The rock under his right hand crumbles as soon as Ingo shifts his weight. He scrambles to regain purchase on the wall, to no avail. A yell rips from his throat as he falls parallel to the sheer cliff face. There's no time to think before he hits the ground, where sharp, bright pain radiates from his left leg.

Ingo lies still, taking deep breaths through clenched teeth. In a minute, he will have to assess the damage and see whether it's broken, create a splint if needed and call his Lady. But first, Ingo stares up into the blue, blue sky and says to the phantom haunting his memories, "Better me than you."

 It becomes a prayer of sorts. When his arms and legs hurt from the strain of traversing the Highlands, when he is first poisoned by young sneasels, when it is too quiet to sleep, when he must deal with his frustrating neighbor, when rockslides affect the landscape, when he's attacked by raging alphas, when the temperature dips below freezing, when he is unable to get enough to eat, when the rain falls so hard he's worried his tent will wash away, when his heart aches over absent memories --

Ingo does not plead to the Almighty Sinnoh. Instead he murmurs to the figure in white that lurks in the corner of his eye, “Better me than you.”

 By the time he meets the young Galaxy surveyor who fell from the sky, Ingo has been able to feel out the shape of the absence beside him. He found clues everywhere. Ingo's face in the mirror looking wrong with a frown. A zoroark trying to trick him with a white coat and a smile. Dreams of holding on, that turn into nightmares of being separated violently. So when the surveyor asks if Ingo remembers anything, he is able to tell them about the man who looks like him.

The surveyor is quiet for a moment, before asking, "Do you miss him?"

"Dearly," Ingo replies without missing a beat.

"I hope you can reunite soon," the young surveyor says.

Ingo hums in agreement, but when he imagines that man in Hisui, his stomach turns. Broken bones - head wounds - fevers - hypothermia - cuts requiring stitches. A white coat stained with red. A hollow pit where memories should reside, a loneliness too deep for words. Every trial Ingo endures is one that man does not have to face. His mantra, his constant refrain, the words engraved in his heart- it has always been directed towards the man in white.

Better me than you.

I’m a little conflicted about Eddie’s death. Like, a lot of people are definitely looking to the bright side about it saying “oh, at least he can be with Chrissy now” and that’s totally understandable and very sweet. But what irks me about the whole thing is despite EVERYTHING, he’s still looked at like the bad guy by Hawkins, and the one responsible for all the murders that’ve happened. And I think it’s such a huge parallel between him and Billy’s death back in season 3, and how in some ways it was actually worse.

I say that because we find out in Max’s letter for sure that she couldn’t exactly tell people why Billy died, and how. He died saving Eleven’s life from the Mind Flayer, and Max and Mike’s lives as well since they were directly behind them.

But for Eddie, who could’ve easily escaped right behind Dustin and stayed safe, decided to sacrifice himself rather... meaninglessly. There really was no significance to his death, and despite telling Dustin that he didn’t run away, in all reality he still did. He ran away from having to figure out a way to clear his name in Hawkins against the murders he was initially accused of, and having to continue to fight against whatever upcoming battles sure to occur after the events of season 4.

What also sucks is the fact this character had so much depth, and even an epic guitar scene, but was killed off almost immediately. Of course not as quickly as Chrissy. But for a character the Duffer Brothers had us convinced would be apart of the story for a lot longer than he was (at least another season), I just... didn’t see the point. Dustin certainly didn’t deserve that heartbreak, and as far as we know, there may not even be a funeral held for Eddie because again, he’s still looked at as some crazed satanic cult leader responsible for murders prior to the “earthquake”. His ending wasn’t heroic at all. It was still pretty cowardly, and very unnecessary.

I’m also convinced that even if he did make it through the portal back into his trailer, and the bats started flying back to Creel’s murder house, there still would’ve been enough time for Steve, Nancy and Robin to light Vecna up and “kill” him just the same. They would’ve dropped before they even made it back thanks to Joyce, Hop and Murray. So to me, Eddie’s death was not only kinda stupid, but it displayed a little laziness from the Duffer Brothers. Overall, it was sorta disappointing.

But so far we’ve seen they do everything for a reason. I’m interested to see where they’ll go with this, and what they’ll end up doing with Eddie’s death and whether or not Joe will be making a return to reprise the role. And if they do, praying they don’t pull a Billy with all the replayed scenes and Vecna illusions.

Standing in a dense crowd was when I saw him, and I see him now and that timeline is starting to overlap. It's running parallel as he steps onto that plane into that city, our concept and utopia we built when painting the stars. I think we were both looking for butterflies. I'm not sure why I didn't think of him much last week, it's not like I can't get my mind off of him because I can, but there's something indescribable that keeps my eyes fixated on his. It was starting to rain now, the dark pavement was subtly filling with raindrops around us. It wasn't too cold too bare, but just enough to remind us that we were still alive. Mars remained to lie on his back, his eyes gazing up at the rain clouds painting the darkness of the endless night sky above us. Our slow conversation had fallen silent after his remarks about love, I was unable to tell if he regretted bringing up the topic so suddenly. I wasn't so sure about anything, not even the man I sat next to, I wondered if he could simply be replaced. His thick eyebrows, and face often intentionally looked miserable despite the warmth of his eyes. I pondered this, "were we supposed to see each other again?" The fleeting memories that danced in my eyes, even the lighting was dull in my mind's eye. It's too much and I'm not enough for any of it. I caressed Mars' hand, tracing my fingertip up from his wrist to the palm of his hand. I'd lost it, love. My dreams were devoid of meaning, out of purpose I remained. As cold as we were, as meaninglessly as my touch, I still clasped his hand. Mars averted his hands up to mine, his eyes still containing the stormy clouds of the night. His eyes studied the side of my face as he tilts his chin up towards mine, his ebony black hair spreading across the fissured pavement. I want to fall hopelessly for him for a few months, perhaps for the summer. Lose my mind, body, and soul in his blindly in his magnetism. He was right there next to me in all his vulnerability, even if he couldn't notice it, I could. Even if was just a phrase held between us, not yet a complete sentence, I didn't want to find the words to finish it. Not yet, at least. God damn, he's so beautiful, even the faint wrinkles forming in his cheeks with his bright smile are unimaginably beautiful.

"How long will you stay?" Mars asked, his tone plain. His eyes froze as if his soul was holding its breath.

I let out a restrained sigh I had been holding in for longer than I had realized. I pulled my bare knees into my chest with my body slumping forwards over my knees to clutch them tightly in my chest. My hair spread across the back of my bare shoulders, tingling my skin unfamiliarly between the black straps of my tank top. I wasn't accustomed to the attire I was dressed in. I won't deny it, I was uncomfortable in the thin fabric--I reminded myself it was only skin. An inadequate definition of me would be simply presented in it, but sometimes nothing is as sweet as the sensation of it gently ripping apart across my wrists. I let the comfort of familiarly pass me by as I tilted my head to the side to delicately press the side of my forehead against the top of my bare knees. I shifted my gaze down the side of Mars' face with my eyes, I didn't understand him, not in the slightest. Who this man was before me escaped any amount of logical reasoning. I shifted my eyes down to his, with my eyes shifting across his face. My expression became solemn causing my brow to furrow between my eyebrows. I squinted, my eyes becoming heavy like the rain clouds hanging in the night sky above our heads.

"What are you saying? Here? Or here..." I trailed off, considering his words. I gestured towards the rolling hills of the countryside in the distance shrouded by mist.

"Here...here. Everything under the sky above us, you won't be leaving any of it behind?" Mars spoke with worry, but still, as if he was expecting a different answer to whisper from my lips.

I pondered his words for a moment upon shifting my gaze down to his delicate, soft lips. "You will be leaving too, someday. Don't look so solemn, it's far away, isn't it?" I assured him.

Mars sighed dryly, upon sucking his bottom lip into his mouth. His upper lip and chin were lined with the midnight shadow of a light mustache. "So to speak. Far away means something different to you and me, I think..." He said sincerely. I appreciated his honesty, despite being an Aries and a Taurus we were will separate by a couple million miles in the cosmos. He squinted delicately to reflect on his words. I liked it when he did that, watching him think. I was fascinated by how his mind worked, the gears turning softly behind his starry eyes.

I, too reflected on his words, my thoughts being quickly whisked away by the warmth of his body next to mine. I did not want to cry, not for him. He's right there, I reminded myself, don't miss someone if you're with them. I furrowed my eyebrows, allowing my eyes to close slightly as my gaze shifted down to his.

"What's next? The only difference in my always and yours in a millisecond?" I taunted him, prying at his brain for a more direct answer than the ones he had been giving me. I caressed the inside of his wrist, my fingertips wander across his skin. Faintly, I could feel his pulse in his veins. Even with his body lying on the concrete next to me, he still felt far away. I interlaced my fingertips through his, shifting my body closer to his.

Mars tilted his chin up to the night sky with the crown of his head pressing against the cold pavement. The corners of his lips curving up into a familiar smile, he was confident in what he said next. "Maybe so, do you really want the textbook answer out of me? If it's a millisecond, I'll make it a millisecond. There's no such thing as always, anyway." Mars raised his eyebrows with his eyes averting up to mine.

"Don't get so hung up on it, please. For me." Mars persisted. He tighten his grip on my hand, his fingertips pushing through mine.

I smiled solemnly. The words of another question stuck in the back of my throat. I didn't hesitate when I swallowed it. "I won't, Hwa. I won't stay here, right?" I agreed. My heart yearned to wander the empty streets with him after midnight when our conceptual city is falling into a deep slumber. With the echo of his drunken laughing to echo out around us, hold me, hold me now. Maybe our dreams exceeded our expectations, they are daydreams after all. I was going mad for him and he couldn't tell, how I wished he could hear all of my thoughts.

Mars smiled in agreement, his sparkling eyes shifting up to meet my gaze. His cheeks pushed up gently, his cheeks only appeared softer than before. His image before me was once again beginning to melt, I deeply wanted him and I couldn't explain why. What was it about his name that intrigued me so greatly? I sighed sharply, letting go of my knees pulled tightly in my chest. I pressed my hands down into the cold concrete cracked concrete with my weight shifting off of my knees. Mars watched me curiously, his eyes wandering down my face. I considered it, I hesitated for a moment before lifting my body on top of his. My knee brushed against his lower abdomen with me quickly lifting my leg over his waist to crouch on top of him, I didn't let my hips touch his instead I shifted my weight forwards to lean over him. My hair fell off my shoulders to slightly cover my forehead as the ends of my hair brushed against the top of his bare shoulders. I put the palms of my hands down on the concrete next to either side of his head, still, watching him beneath me like this didn't remedy the ache in my heart. I need to figure this out, now. My lips separated with my harsh exhaled, it pained me. I tilted my chin down to his, the ends of my hair spreading out against his shoulders. Mars' eyes narrowed seductively, his eyes following my gaze down to my lips, he didn't look surprised at the position of my body on top of his. He cocked his head to the side on the pavement, his ebony hair spreading effortlessly. Without hesitation, he caressed my lower back, his hands guiding my hips forward away from his hips. His eyes studied my gaze, I was worried, I don't think he understood why.

"I'm sorry."

Why does even simply sexuality make me feel so dirty?

Should I let him meet Taeyeon?

Passion is not perfection, perfection while incredibly technical is still vapid. And he gave me passion, although it was messy and made me feel dirty inside, it was a good drug. He was a good drug.

"Won't you tell me where all the time went?"

Perfection is not passion, perfection while incredibly technical is still vapid. Passion

I think EP9 left me with a little bit of emotional damage :')

Real quick: did Luciano appear before and I have simply not noticed because somehow all men in this show are very similar or was it really his first and only appearance?

Anyway! I don't even know where to start! I had a little bit of a chuckle (read: I cackled loudly) when Vanessa explained how she got the spot at the hotel for them. They truly are a small family, and what is wrong about a little crime when you have a family who's going to just appreciate what you do for them :) Once again, Elenore and Vanessa, very married, very much taking care of Margaret together.

Aside from the blond guy being there and being his usual uncomfortable self, what stuck out to me the most was how Luciano talked about the place being meaninglessly peaceful. And I suppose that's where his experiences in the war come in, where his vigilance to stay alive shows up as restlessness and irritation. (Man, I would've been so happy for him if he would've been able to shoot Mr. Blond Guy.) I'm curious about ~how~ it is that Margaret smelled like a warzone. I also wonder how Laetitia plays into all of this. Is the dimension she's in some sort of parallel world that starts blurring once you get close to dying? But if that's so, how does Margaret play into all of that, because she doesn't seem like she's about to die and she saw Laetitia still. Or maybe it's because of her book! And Madlax crying when Luciano died, but not knowing about it was also something that, well, I kind of expected it in the way a lot of things seem to be conneted somehow, but I don't exactly understand.

I kind of figured out that Vanessa's company was part of the whole thing (Enfant related war business) with Blond Guy being there as well, but it's kind of nice to see that she did not know about that. Blond Guy now knows that Margaret has the Secondari though and the preview for the next episode shows Vanessa and Madlax in the same area, so now I'm a TINY bit worried.

Bioshock infinite songbird

#Bioshock infinite songbird full

#Bioshock infinite songbird Pc

The Ultimate Songbird edition will be priced at $149.99 and includes all of the extras in the collector’s edition but a 9-and-a-half-inch statue, as well.

#Bioshock infinite songbird Pc

Various digital goodies: exclusive in-game gear, a digital soundtrack, and platform specific downloadable content (Avatar costumes for Xbox 360, and Themes for PC and PlayStation 3).

#Bioshock infinite songbird full

A mini art book, full of BioShock Infinite concept art and commentary, with a hand-distressed cover.A 25 millimeter, resin-cast Handyman miniature from the upcoming BioShock Infinite board game by Plaid Hat Games, makers of Summoner Wars.There also happens to be a diagram of the Songbird within a few yards from where the voxaphone was. I think a voxaphone recorded by Fink mentioned he found a 'perfect combination of man and machine' through a tear. A 5 x 7-inch lithograph by Jorge Lacera. Its like a big daddy, hes a human inside a suit.A 3-inch baby version keychain of the sold-out Murder of Crows vigor bottle replica.The collector’s edition will priced at $79.99 in North America and will be packed in with a bunch of goodies: With Bioshock Infinite coming out in four months, hype is starting to generate so what better time to announce a couple of extra SKUs? Not only will there be a collector’s edition, but Irrational Games has revealed an ultimate edition that’s packed with relatively unique extras. I’m sure your business has people leaving, it’s not particularly interesting."īioShock Infinite launches on March 26th for the PlayStation 3, Xbox 360 and PC.Bioshock is arguably one of the best new intellectual properties this generation, so it’s among the few franchises that actually deserve a special edition. Somebody leaving the company or somebody joining the company. Levine goes on to comment on the staffing changes that have occurred over the last few months, It’s just part of the process and we are fortunate as a company that we are able to do that kind of stuff." "We didn’t want to talk about anything regarding that (multiplayer) because we weren’t sure about it, in the same way we weren’t sure about a million things - you’ll see the art book when it comes out and you’ll see a million characters that were cut a million levels that were changed, ideas for weapons were thrown out. It was a little frustrating for us to say it has been cut when we never announced it in the first place!" Not because anything was actually wrong but simply because we didn’t have any news for so long it allowed time for speculation. We were very careful never to say there was multiplayer in the game. Levine has found his voice again and talked about the recent changes to his team as well as the multiplayer that was rumored to cause the first delay in a recent interview. All in all, the parallels that Elizabeth and the Songbird share with Beauty and the Beast are fairly obvious and it will be interesting to see how Irrational Games has been able to spin the motif to make it unique to their story. As a result, the creature doesn't seem to be meaninglessly violent and, if Elizabeth cooperates, Songbird will simply ignore others including the protagonist Booker DeWitt (as seen in the clip below). Despite being kept in captivity, Elizabeth has grown to love the creature and it has become her only friend. Songbird's only mission has been to keep Elizabeth locked in her tower and will do anything necessary to protect her from the Vox Populi or anyone else for that matter. Artifacts suggested that the Songbird's purpose was not to keep invaders out, but rather to keep something in. The "Lamb of Columbia", something held precious by all of Columbia's inhabitants but also held captive by the city itself is believed to be the Songbird's charge.Įlizabeth, the "Lamb of Columbia," is direly essential to the fate of the flying city since it is believed that her death will cause the city itself to crash to the ground. However, as fallen artifacts from Columbia were discovered, the Songbird's purpose became shrouded in mystery. ago Just to add, Elizabeth was very close at all three of the deaths. The fact that all three (Booker, Songbird, and Comstock) all die in water supports this. The most common theories were that the Songbird was the watchful protector of Columbia, keeping the city safe from possible invaders. My notion was the Songbird was created from a version of Booker who never became Comstock and who never sold Elizabeth. When the young ones misbehave, escorts children to their grave."

the universe is so lucky that tony and loki are two of the softest hearted people around because they’re also in the best positions to take over and destroy everything if they want to 

ARE THERE MORE THAN 1 UNIVERSE??

Blog# 198

Saturday, June 4th, 2022

Welcome back,

What – one vast, ancient and mysterious universe isn’t enough for you? Well, as it happens, there are others. Among physicists, it’s not controversial. Our universe is but one in an unimaginably massive ocean of universes called the multiverse.

If that concept isn’t enough to get your head around, physics describes different kinds of multiverse. The easiest one to comprehend is called the cosmological multiverse. The idea here is that the universe expanded at a mind-boggling speed in the fraction of a second after the big bang. During this period of inflation, there were quantum fluctuations which caused separate bubble universes to pop into existence and themselves start inflating and blowing bubbles.

Russian physicist Andrei Linde came up with this concept, which suggests an infinity of universes no longer in any causal connection with one another – so free to develop in different ways.

Cosmic space is big – perhaps infinitely so. Travel far enough and some theories suggest you’d meet your cosmic twin – a copy of you living in a copy of our world, but in a different part of the multiverse. String theory, which is a notoriously theoretical explanation of reality, predicts a frankly meaninglessly large number of universes, maybe 10 to the 500 or more, all with slightly different physical parameters.

And then there’s the quantum multiverse. Physicist Hugh Everett came up with this idea, which is predicted by his “many worlds” interpretation of quantum physics. Everett’s theory is that quantum effects cause the universe to constantly split. It could mean that decisions we make in this universe have implications for other versions of ourselves living in parallel worlds.

Originally published on www.newscientist.com

COMING UP!!

(Wednesday, June 8th, 2022)

“WHAT IS THE NEW THEORY OF GRAVITY??”

Destiel Facts

Destiel is not an unrequited love story. It is the story of a man falling in love with the angel who raised him from Perdition. Destiel evidence is almost all in favor of Dean fell in love with Cas first:

Early Destiel is tons of Dean flirting and Cas not getting it

Dean goes from flirting with women (and some men) in every town to keeping his eyes glued on Cas whenever he’s around. I think Anna in s4 was last time Dean kissed someone else in front of Cas.

Dean telling Cas never change after watching Endverse!Cas die meaninglessly for Endverse!Dean

Dean going crazy looking for his angel in Purgatory while Cas decides to fuck off for self mandated penance

Dean widow arc over Cas’s many deaths: carrying trench coat, drinking, depression, placing Cas in shroud

Some Collete parallel that I’m trusting fandom on because i don’t remember much about that plot arc

mix tape because that’s how gen x bis tell each other your ass is hot

Dean’s retirement plan consists of sitting on a beach somewhere while drinking fruity drinks with umbrellas with his brother and Cas. Bonus aroace points: Dean includes his non-amorous relationship with brother in his version of their best ending (he could name more friends and found family but I don’t remember who was alive at that point.) (x)

Dean sabotages their relationship because he’s had a bad track record with commitment and has abandonment and self esteem issues

Dean’s prayer to Cas in purgatory, where he is on his knees begging forgiveness from Cas. *I hope Cas can see people praying to him because every expression and gesture Dean makes in this scene is so poignant and beautiful* (tbh I’m not huge fan of the actual text of the apology but jackles transcends the script)

what abouttttt, a concept with Aryia or Colby (u choose) where you see eachother at a party and there’s a lot of pining and flirting before they finally kiss at the end

i FEEL like i should write this for aryia bc i haven’t written for him before.........BUT i am simply colby brock’s personal fleshlight bitch so imma write this one for him 😭 i love you so much for sending this in, you’re the best ok 🥺

—

You can feel his eyes on you. You don’t even have to look at him, however far behind you he is. He’s somewhere close, though—either standing against a wall, or pretending to listen to a conversation, or cracking open another White Claw with his ring-clad fingers. Whatever he was doing, wherever he was, whoever was around him, there was no doubt in your mind that his eyes were fixated on the curve of your spine.

You periodically moved through the crowd, mingling meaninglessly with other people—flirting whenever you had the chance, and doing it painfully obviously. You weren’t avoiding him. That would be the farthest thing from the truth. This was only the beginning of the little game the two of you played... a cat and mouse dance where the cat was too pussy to catch the mouse. You flirting with others was bait for him to rise to—interesting, how the prey can stalk the predator sometimes.

And it always worked on him. “You seem to be having a lot of fun,” came his voice from behind you. He liked to think he was sneaking up on you. But he was far too predictable.

You looked over your shoulder, barely looking at him out of the corner of your eye. He hated how disinterested you looked. Honestly, if he didn’t make a move soon, you wouldn’t just look the part anymore.

“Nice of you to notice,” you smirked, biting the edge of your red solo cup before taking a sip of your bittersweet drink.

With your side-eye still taunting him, you looked him up and down slowly. You let your eyes linger on certain parts of him, letting him feel the intensity of your gaze, before finally meeting his eyes. You turned to him, crossing one arm over your chest while you let the other dangle at your side, gripping your cup by its rim.

“Surely you didn’t just come over here to comment on how much I’m enjoying this party?” You quirked a brow at him, tilting your head to the side. You were challenging him, once again setting up the opportunity to pounce.

But, as he hadn’t for the last two months, he didn’t take it. He shrugged, frowning comtemplatively. “Maybe I did.”

He turned away from you, your eyes now watching him. You narrowed them at his back, clicking your tongue against the roof of your mouth. Your eyes trailed after him, waiting for him to leave your line of sight before you followed after him. You kept your distance just as he had kept his. You found him again after a few seconds of searching; he was making his way to the kitchen, probably to get another drink. You let him walk ahead of you before going after him.

You walked into a surprisingly empty kitchen to find Colby taking a cold White Claw out of the fridge. You walked over to him, putting your drink down on the counter loud enough to make sure you got his attention. Sure enough, you did. You turned and hopped up to sit on the counter, your legs dangling over the edge as you leaned back onto your hands.

“I like your skirt,” he said, leaning back against the island counters that ran parallel to the ones you were sitting on.

The article of clothing in question had ridden up quite a bit when you jumped up to sit down, leaving much of your legs exposed to him. “Do you? Or do you like what’s under it?”

His cheeks and neck flushed slightly, making you flash him a cocky smile. “Don’t act so smug,” he said, narrowing his eyes.

He pushed himself off the counter, keeping those smoldering eyes on yours as he stepped closer.

“Why shouldn’t I? I’ve got you all flustered.” You tried not to look affected by him as he continued to close the distance between you, but with every inch, more butterflies raged in your stomach.

He stopped less than a centimeter away from your knees, the closest he’d been to you since you’d started playing this game with each other. You weren’t sure what the objective of it was, since neither of you ever acted on these advances—they only got more intense as time went on. And now was no different.

You held eye contact with him, not flinching away from his azure stare. However, because of this, you hadn’t noticed his hand moving towards you until his fingertips brushed against your knee, barely making contact. Suddenly, his fingers were curled around your calf and he was pulling you to the edge of the counter, now situated between your legs. You drew in a sharp breath, your right hand shooting out to clutch his shoulder. You barely registered his movements before his lips were next to your neck, his breath fanning against your skin, tickling you in the most sensual way. You remained completely still, stunned by how quickly things had escalated.

With his lips now next to your ear, he whispered lowly, “Who’s flustered now?”

And just as fast as he had put himself between your legs, he was gone—his retreating form going back to the crowded party a few steps away. You caught your breath for a second, calming your heart rate. You closed your legs subconsciously, worried someone might see the wet spot on your panties, before jumping off the counter and grabbing your drink again. You chugged what was left of it, welcoming the burning sensation. With a final steadying breath, you moved back out to the party to pursue the source and target of your desire.

You wandered through the crowd, dancing around groups of people with your eyes darting around for any sign of Colby. You looked around for a few minutes, starting to feel frustrated when you couldn’t find him. Because of this, you were startled when a hand rested against your waist, and even more surprised when the pressure of three rings was evident against your skin. He never managed to sneak up on you.

“Lost?” he asked mockingly, pulling your body against his.

You pressed yourself against him in response, moving your hips in time with the music. “No, only wandering.”

“Really? You seemed to be looking for someone,” he said, leaning down to rest his chin against your shoulder.

“Maybe I was,” you said, the alcohol you’d chugged giving you the edge you were looking for. “Maybe I still am.”

“Oh?” he replied, the hand on your waist gripping you tighter. “Who are you looking for?”

“I’m looking for someone who won’t just flirt with me for two months without making a move; someone who won’t start something he knows he doesn’t have the balls to finish—”

Before you could get your next words out, the hand on your waist was spinning you around and the softest pair of lips you’d ever felt were on yours. You relaxed into his embrace, lifting your hands up to wrap them around his neck. Your fingers laced themselves through his hair, pulling at the strands just enough to tease him. Your tongues met and a hint of the flavors of your last drink and his combined, leaving the ghost of the taste behind. You moaned into his mouth and it was enough to get him to bite your lip just hard enough to make you moan a little louder.

He pulled away from you a little breathlessly, a smirk playing on his lips. “Let’s get out of here so I can show you a thing or two about balls and finishing.”

Week 7 of Clown Theories and Analysis

S03E07 - Beautiful Monster

So I’m feeling really good about the future of Killing Eve with Laura Neal running the show for season 4. With 3x03 and now 3x07, she really captures the essence of Killing Eve and I’ve missed that this season. We are definitely in good hands as long as we get through the finale without any bullshit which I am super nervous about!

Inappropriate touching - So apparently someone didn’t get the memo when I said that it’s illegal to keep making V cry. 

I wonder what effect it’s having on V’s mind for people to keep telling her that she’s nothing but darkness and chaos. She knows she isn’t but I want to know how it’s weighing on her mentally. Obviously she’s bothered and upset by it but I want her to talk about it, it’s be interesting to see what she would say. I hope this gives opportunity for her to talk about it to Eve next episode. 

It’s definitely having a huge effect on her actions, it’s giving her the drive to keep pushing to be the person that she wants to be and not who everyone says she is. She’s truly alone right now (especially since Eve, the only person who truly sees her, isn’t around) so she’s developing a better sense of self and will continue defy what everyone thinks of her. 

Also I love the “God, you’re sexy” after Helene tells her that she could kill her. That’s basically the whole KE fandom when it comes to Villanelle. 

Opening titles - Why? What’s with the inconsistency with the opening title scene?

Standard parents crap - If Konstantin dies this season, which I still think may happen despite the false alarm this episode, does that mean that this is the last we see of Irina? If he dies, that means she’s stuck there, right? I don’t see her mother coming to get her up any time soon. 

I think I liked Irina better in season 1, she’s kind of annoying this season? Whiny, even. Which makes sense though, her father is a piece of shit (I still love him though) and she doesn’t seem to have a good relationship with her mother so I can definitely see why she’s acting out and so defiant. I just find it annoying, probably because I already see enough of it with Geraldine. Come to think of it, Konstantin and Carolyn seem to have a lot of parallels like V and Eve. Both have whiny, problematic children, both are under a lot of stress, both feel like the walls are closing in on them. This season is definitely building up to something big happening for Carolyn and Konstantin as well as Eve and V. Especially with the promo videos and pics of each pair before the season premiered. 

It’s a rule - Eve is such a chaotic bisexual dumbass and I love it. Villanelle definitely has custody of the one shared brain cell during this scene because Eve is back full-force with her bullshit and pursuing Villanelle. And I am all 👏🏽 here 👏🏽 for 👏🏽 it 👏🏽

I really like the Bitter Pill team, Suzanne better not come for them next episode.

Can we talk about how Eve was about to use Niko’s pitchfork incident as a way to get the bakery to give her info on Villanelle? She was so casual about it like it didn’t just happen the other day and killed all her hope for their marriage. She really does have tunnel vision when it comes to V, literally nothing else matters. Which is also shown in her pressuring Bear with her blatant disregard for the law lol

Russia has vegans now - Omfg, V’s accent at the front desk and during the golf scene is everything 😩

Dasha didn’t have to come at V like that. V snapped back though but I really need people to stop coming for V’s feelings like she has none. I wonder if Dasha telling V that she’s going to die with her hand held while V dies alone is hinting towards V finding that person in Eve instead. Ah shit, as I wrote that, I had a thought. What if V does die (soon) while with Eve and in her last moments Eve is holding her hand. I can’t unthink that now and I’m pissed. 

I do like filet mignon - So for a second, I actually thought that maybe Geraldine was spying on Konstantin because she suspected that he killed Kenny but then she just got back on her whiny bullshit and idk anymore. All I know is that she’s gotta go. 

Hey. Hey! HEEYYY! - I loved this scene, the comedy in this show is gold. This is one of the things that has been lacking this season and it definitely brought me back to s1 and s2 in terms of humor. 

Has V really lost it when it comes to killing? That’s the big question here. Obviously her plan from the beginning was to get away and escape with Konstantin hence her saying that she called him hours ago when he arrived. So that must mean that she never actually intended on finishing the job. Which she didn’t, of course. But I don’t think it’s because she can’t, I think it’s more that she doesn’t want to. I think, if pushed into it, she can and will still kill someone. Like if her life was in danger or to save someone she cared about like Eve or even Konstantin. But outside of that, it seems like she’s lost the drive to continue killing as she did before. I think that this has been building up since the beginning of the season and not just after 3x05. You can even go as far back as Rome, I think. That’s when she was first (first time we see) denied of being able to feel or be normal. 

“I love you.”

“You don’t understand what that is.”

She was rejected and made to feel less than human. And that definitely had a lasting effect on Villanelle. Ever since V really started to feel more, I think that’s when her drive and excitement for killing died down. There are other things that make her feel alive now. She doesn’t look into her victim’s eyes and watch the life drain from them anymore like she did in seasons 1 and 2. You don’t see that excited, sinister gleam in her eyes when it comes to completing a job. The jobs that she’s had in season 3 aren’t what mattered anymore, it was her promotion. It was the prospect of gaining power and possibly some semblance of freedom.  But now that that’s not what she had hoped for, the drive is gone. And she’s never been one to never been one to kill meaninglessly, whether she enjoyed killing or not. So I don’t think she’s lost the ability to kill, I think that she just doesn’t want to. She wants to be normal and this is her step in that direction. 

Also, that was a whole lotta ass crack in this scene. 

Like Stalin - I like how the only description Eve needed was “a pretty girl with her mom” and she was pretty much like “Yup, Villanelle is hot, must be her, get the fuck out”. 

Dark Eve is rising!! What a contrast, Eve is becoming darker while Villanelle is trying to distance herself from her darkness. They’ve both been through a lot of shit this season which seems to have pulled Eve and V in opposite directions in terms of how it’s affected them. 

You know that excited, sinister look I was saying V used to have? Eve has the same one here. She was staring into Dasha’s eyes just like V used to do when killing her victims. I wonder how this will impact (if it does) their chemistry when Eve and V finally reconnect again. Will it bring them closer together? Or will they be at an impasse?

Another prick to shit? - So the train scene ended up being a false alarm but I don’t think that Konstantin is in the clear yet, especially with Dasha being in the hospital with him and her ties to the Twelve. 

I wonder what effects his death would have on Villanelle. Of course, she doesn’t want him to die but you see her come to the realization that he actually might in this scene and she didn’t seem too torn up about it. Maybe it was because of the urgency of their situation so she didn’t have time to fully process it but I do wonder how that’ll affect her going forward if he does die. 

Omfg the wave though. I had so many feelings about this scene. Like I was bummed because Eve was sooo close but like she literally ran alongside the train like that’s some gay shit right there. And despite the situation, you see V smile and seem genuinely happy to see her. I think Eve was the last person she expected to see or hear from and with everything that’s happened to V since her last encounter with Eve, her obsession for her slipped to the back of her mind until this scene. Clearly Eve is still thinking about V so I think that’s the spark that puts V right back on that same path towards Eve. 

Konstantin is literally dying and all these two idiots can think about is each other 😂

Emotional iceberg - Carolyn is definitely starting to feel the pressure after Mo’s death (RIP). Similar to Konstantin, Carolyn is now beginning to stress about whether or not she’s next. Her tantrum definitely wasn’t just for show. I really do love the different sides we’re seeing of Carolyn this season, she’s no longer the calm and collected Carolyn we grew accustomed to in seasons 1 and 2.

I’m not gonna lie, I lowkey thought Carolyn was gonna snap and kill Geraldine. Wouldn’t even blame her. If nothing significant happens with Geraldine next episode, then her only purpose this season was kissing Konstantin which I could have gone without and eliciting an emotional response from Carolyn which could have been done a bunch of other ways. 

It’s not good for both of us - Villanelle’s voice is so sexy omg. I need to know the entire conversation they had.

Did V really mean what she said? They’ve definitely had their ups and downs (putting that lightly lol) and V hasn’t really given much thought to Eve lately (from what we’ve seen) so it’s possible. But then we do see both of them in multiple scenes together for the finale so who really knows? It could be setting up for them deciding to go separate ways at the end of the season (although I really hope not). From all of the interviews that have come out, we know that the finale will be different from the first two which leaves four options that I’ve thought of for the finale: 

1. They mutually agree to stop pursuing each other and go their separate ways

2. They team up and run away together

3. One of them dies (although I think this is the least likely, it would hurt the fanbase)

4. Konstantin dies, Villanelle saves Irina and runs away with her, either with or without Eve

I want to say that the most likely option is 2 because if they separate (option 1) then that kind of leaves them starting season 4 the same way they’ve started every season so far. Separated and then coming together somewhere in the middle of the season. The show is about them, it’s about their obsession for each other so they would have to come back together if they separated. Which is just recycled throughout each season so I would hope they wouldn’t do that. 

However, I’m a little apprehensive about them running away together. It’s been said that the finale will go a completely different route from what we’re expecting and we’ve been expecting them to run away together since season 2 so I have a feeling they won’t go that route. 

Option 3 is the main cause of my anxiety for the finale. I don’t see why they would post so many promos of Eve and Villanelle together with “Love is worth the wait” and all the “you really see them come together this season in a way we haven’t seen before” if they were just going to kill one of them or separate them though. Especially since they’ve only met one and a half times (I’m counting the wave and the phone call as a half). 

What do you guys think? What other ways do you see the season ending other than these three?

OVERALL - I really loved this episode, definitely one of the best from season 3. I definitely look forward to seeing more of Laura Neal’s work during season 4. I can’t believe these 8 weeks are already coming to an end. I love and hate the fact that we likely have to wait 2 years for season 4. I like it because it means the show won’t end (if season 4 is the last) next year, and then hate it for obvious reasons. I will definitely be reading and writing lots of fanfics to fill this Killing Eve hole after next week!

I saw a post you had made awhile back pointing out 10x10 on the clocks around Beth and Daryl and even Emily and Norman having parallels to each other in some photo shoots. Fun fact about the 10:10 clock - it’s a marketing strategy too. Look up the 10:10 clock conspiracy. They do that to make the clock look like a smiling face. Celebs, businesses, cartoons, photo shoots, tv shows, movies, etc. do that to catch the eye on purpose. Not to be negative on it for Beth but just saying.

Yes I am aware of the default clock settings and how it's used in marketing to attract consumers to an item, it's aesthetically pleasing to the eye to have the clock hands in that position... I know others have made posts about this in the past.

However that doesn't mean that Beth's clock was just randomly and meaninglessly placed in the background (it's not advertising anything) except Get Well Soon!

10 as a number also has many interesting meanings. It's considered a complete number representing the completness of order.

Beth's story portrayed her in many ways as a Christ figure with all the symbols around her and biblically the number 10 has many meanings such as:

In Genesis the phrase "God said" is found 10 times (indicating completness of creation)

God gave man the 10 commandments (indicating completness of the law)

On the 10th day of the first month the passover lamb was selected, it's sacrifice and blood was used to save the first born child of evey family that painted the blood on the door frame to the home. Jesus was the lamb that would take away the sins of the world. (This to me is a hugh indication that Beth will bring a cure)

God sent 10 plagues to pharoh and the Egyptians (indicating completness of judgement)

So the number 10 has a lot more to it than just a marketing strategy it's indicating a completness of story.

I'm still not sure we will even see Beth at 1010 as the clock does indicate soon, which means "in or after a short time" but I do think we will get a major clue.

One other point to keep in mind is the title of episode 1011 Morning Star (FASCINATING TITLE THAT IM SURE IS JUST HUGH COINCIDENCE) Not!!! 😒🙄🙂

I've been harping on about the Morning Star and the Bright Morning Star for a while now and so have others in Team D and how it equals Beth.

When I did a rewatch of season 1 and the cdc story i saw a blue print of 10 seasons before reintroducing a possible cure story.

This is the first clock we see at the cdc 10:02 0r 10:10 on an anclock

Below is some of my 10:10 post which indicates season 5 was the half way mark to a new cure story being introduced and that the Morning Star would be back around the time we get to 10:10

This might be a bit hard to follow as it's just a small part of a large post but you can go read the whole post if you want more background information.

Continued...

Continued...

Continued...

Continued...

Continued...

Bright morning star.

Very long answer I know sorry... but you opened a can of worms as I've been wanting to post about the Morning Star title of 1011 and this question rolls into It.

In short 1010 is not just a default clock setting 😁😀☺

hey I first wanted to say I love your analysis of tgf, I think it's really incredible how you can write out such long, well thought out answers to asks. What do you think about the parallels of Boris and Tom Cable as influences in Theo's life?

thank you! I love TGF fandom it’s small but supportive and everyone contributes such amazing analyses, illustration, memes, and whatever else. and we inspire each other!! we’re a such cool group of art thieves i gotta say 😄

Tom and Boris are paralleled through the novel in some ways. Tom gets Theo into smoking and stealing. Many people forget Theo was already smoking cigarettes/weed and breaking into people’s houses and stealing things way before he met Boris or his mother died. But Theo and Tom’s theft is meaningless fun and harmless acting-out. Theo details how Tom was part of the cooler crowd but still peripherally hangs with Theo and they get into trouble together (even though Tom was on the edges of the social crowd of kids who used to beat Theo up and tease him). Theo talks about how he - a scholarship student - has taken to skipping assignments and falling behind in school and blowing things off ever since Larry ditched he and his mother. Theo was a slacker, a stoner, and a thief way before Boris — with Tom. (That’s important — Boris didn’t ever “corrupt” Theo).

In fact, if you didn’t know Theo was talking about Tom right here: My friendship with [him] had always had a wild, manic quality, something unhinged and hectic and a little perilous about it, and though all the same old high energy was still there, the current had reversed, voltage humming in the opposite direction — you’d swear it was Boris he was talking about.

After Theo’s mother dies, Tom becomes distant and strange and ignores Theo, sometimes quite callously, if I’m remembering correctly — an affront Theo can’t abide and he gets very angry and upset to the point of confrontation. Theo tries to provoke fights with him: now instead of horsing around with him in study hall I wanted to push his head in the urinal, yank his arm out of the socket, beat his face bloody on the sidewalk, make him eat dogshit and garbage off the curb. Tom likely feels guilt, drawing the conclusion that his misdeeds with Theo created the gap in time which lead Theo and his mother to the musuem that fateful morning. In the end, it is Tom who “steals” his comphet relationship with Kitsey — by betraying him again and cheating with her. Tom is a “bad influence” who the Barbours do not accept because of his alleged criminality.

Now compare this with Boris — a friend he also steals, smokes, does drugs, and ditches school with. A friend who is also seen as “cooler” at school than Theo but who wholeheartedly is devoted to him. A friend who tries ardently to heal the wound his lost mother left even though he never knew her. A friend who never shies away from or ignores Theo’s pain, nightmares, or depression — but deals with them head on by cuddling, calming, and saving him from dark urges. A friend who also steals with Theo and teaches him how to steal not meaninglessly — but for survival. Food and medicine. Not rich people’s nonsense from the Hamptons like with Tom. Like Tom, Boris also “gets in between” Theo’s comphet engagement but in a manner we as readers know is clearly caring in nature — to stop Theo from doing something he knows will hurt him. Boris too betrays Theo by stealing the painting (Boris has a connection to the museum now like Tom does) - but wades through a decade of heavy guilt until he can get it back and return it to Theo. The person who he credits with saving his life. Tom never addresses his guilt over the museum with Theo. It can be surmised that the Barbours would not approve of Boris either, what with their rejection of Tom for his likely at worst white-collar crimes. But Theo doesn’t care in this case— and in the end choses Boris over the Barbours. (Not to mention Theo himself is a mostly remorseless criminal, and sees the hypocrisy of his relationship with the Barbours).

It also stands to mention that “criminal” Tom and “criminal” Boris are the love interests of Kitsey and Theo — the two people who are deluding themselves into a Business Marriage together for the sake of the delicate Mrs Barbour and stagnated in their own fears against pursuing their own lives and wishes when faced with how others will perceive them (Kitsey worried about social status and likely her general future, Theo worried about social standing if he is outed as queer/kicked out of the Barbours social circle/loses his fake mom Mrs Barbour). Theo and Kitsey have a conversation about being “in love with the wrong person” before they both finally painfully see eye-to-eye and agree to their fake wedding. They are enabling each other in their grief and guilt - Kitsey over Mr Barbour and Andy, Theo over Mrs Barbour, his mother, his father, and his sexuality.

Theo wants to make his mother proud, gain a new stand-in Mom because he is stymied psychologically, distance himself from his father by becoming “high class”, and convince himself he isn’t queer. Kitsey wants to mute the grief of her guilt over the death of her brother and father and her heart which tells her to love Tom opposed to her father’s wishes for her. Kitsey even mentions once how Theo “straightened up” since being with her which Theo is startled and offended by — (gay paranoia) before Kitsey waves it off. They know each other and they know what they are doing. They see one another as allies and fear acknowledging what they feel is their mutual cowardice.

Theo also does not see Tom for many years — another parallel between Tom and Boris. He is surprised on the street to see Tom making out with Kitsey, only to return to the street and find... Boris, excited and elated to see him.

There’s also the symbolism that Theo mentions between he and Tom pressing their cut thumbs together in Tom’s backyard. This is to represent their childhood oath of brotherhood which has practically fractured in every way possible by adulthood. The very next sentence Theo narrates the image of Boris seizing his bloody knuckles and pressing them to his mouth— a memory full of disconcerting allure to him. It is juxtaposed to Tom and Theo’s childish cut thumbs to illustrate the difference between Theo’s relationship with Tom and Theo’s relationship with Boris — Boris and Theo are not just friends. They are not brothers and their chivalrous oath and hand kiss are not childish or breakable by time. It is different with Boris. We are meant to see that as readers.

I think Theo and Tom are supposed to represent a “normal” friendship for Theo. Silly, meaningless trouble and fun as kids — and then crossed wires and distance as adults. It is supposed to show us how different things are between Boris and Theo versus any other relationship in the book — highlighting how Theo acts when he is just bros with another boy for real (Tom). And when he is “JUST BROS I SWEAR” with Boris — but actually quite obviously in love with him.

As adults Boris and Tom are juxtaposed again in the context of the Theo/Kitsey dynamic. Tom is a “criminal” like Boris — but Tom was privileged and Boris was not. Tom meanders in his bad reputation while Boris thrives in it. Tom goes behind people’s backs whereas Boris confronts people and himself. Tom does not take responsibility for his misdeeds and Boris does. Tom is content to cheat with Kitsey whereas Boris asks Theo come to Amsterdam with him at his own engagement party. Out in the open. Cards on the table. Honesty. Tom is likely not a “good” person — Boris, despite outwardly having some of the same labels, is.

Boris and Tom mirror each other just enough to let us see the difference between Theo’s feelings towards friends vs. more than friends. Boris is Theo’s real friend (he supercedes Tom in every area) — and leaps the fence of Theo’s emotions, falling squarely in the “more than friends” category. Something that is much different than we see from Theo’s embittered bro dynamic with Tom.

A Smol Note to Joythea~

This is for the @mxtxpositivity exchange!

Dear @joythea I’m so sorry this is being turned in so close to the end of the event. But, I hope this letter offers the proper commendation you deserve as a wonderful Wangxian writer! Even though I don’t know you very well, I’ve enjoyed looking through your works for this event. So much so, that I would like to go into detail on my favorite work of yours so far: “every cloud has a silver lining”!

The moment that I read your story had been inspired by RWBY’s lore of the silver eyes I was intrigued, and with the way you began the one-shot so immediately into the scene, I was absolutely hooked. The way you begin with such heavy angst was one-hundred percent beautiful. Sometimes using heavy scenes of depressive matter can be too much, and relies too heavily on manipulating your audience’s sense of pathos. However, you wove the scenes with WWX’s parents and him so naturally before introducing his loss and the price of his eyes that the angst was very well placed and well used! Rather, you tugged on my heartstrings in a very good way!

From there on out, you continued this excellent push and pull of your angst, from the way the Yungmeng Jiang clan (particularly JC) found WWX unpopular, to the brief lilting reprieves of Jiang Yanli comforting a despaired tiny XianXian. In this way you do a good job of establishing the tense relationship between the three kiddos, and having both conflict and resolve interwoven with the main plot (the problem of the silver eyes). This was a wonderful parallel conflict that stayed true to the original novel while still definitely remaining unique to your telling. 

I adored your telling of Wei Wuxian and the Cloud Recess shenanigans. 

It was fun and lighthearted, working well as an emotional break from the tragedy that had come and would follow this scene. I especially appreciated the shift in the fight against the Water Abyss and the Demon Tortoise (I thought using Wei Wuxian’s eyes to deal with the water abyss and having Lan Wangji find out [ and cue the gravitation in their relationship] was very clever and this was probably one of my favorite scenes in the story!).

One of the main things I appreciated of your stylistic choices in this piece was your ability to gloss over well established canon scenes without making them seem rushed. This left ample room for you to play with your lore as well as introduce new things to your story (a lot of that playing into both the silver eyes and Wangxian). 

The way you handle the intro into the Yi City arc and that conversation between Lan Xichen and Wei Wuxian is so excellent! You were able to create a vulnerable WWX that was sympathetic not only for your readers but also for LXC (which to my understanding, this scene in canon, he is uncharacteristically brusque towards WWX), so this scene really hit a not for compassion towards our lovely demonic cultivator. Not only that, but it gave a very nice view into his train of thought towards LWJ which were really nice to see from a romantic-WWX’s point of view. BUT SPEAKING OF POINT OF VIEW, goodness gracious that Second Seige of the Burial Mounds had me on the edge of my seat!

I was so concerned and scared for my sons! I won’t lie, I reread that scene three times to make sure that WWX and LWJ were going to be okay. Like I was looking for context clues, easter eggs, any sort of hint. I loved that scene so much. I was genuinely scared of what might happen next, the suspense!

Finally after that arc you had the final confrontation of the family tension between JC, Jin Ling, Jiang Yanli, and WWX. What a scene. You handled the ensemble of characters well, and presented a dialogue that appealed to both emotion and logic between why things happened the way they did between the family members. And while the past is the past, you were able to create a resolve that was wonderfully bittersweet. Not to mention you had this great gem of a line: “I’m tired and stressed out...you try destroying hundreds of corpses at once and see if you can cope!” I thought it played very well to a stressed to the max WWX.

Finally with the destruction of Jin Guangyao, you had that beautiful image of Mo Xuanyu’s blessing to Wei Wuxian. That scene felt so ethereal and serene even though it lasted maybe only a couple of lines. It played well to the true core of the story which was to show that while WWX suffered, he shouldn’t have to do so meaninglessly. He should have his own chance to smile at the end. Which he did! Ending “every cloud has a silver lining” with WWX and LWJ in Cloud Recess, married and safekeeping other silver-eyed cultivators was a fitting end as it brought the story to full circle.

I thoroughly enjoyed your pure and simple writing style! It made your work easy to read, and very refreshing. I found myself often reading after a particularly hard day or when I was stressed and just needed decompression. In the future, I hope to read more of your works, and will be following you on Tumblr so that I can keep up with any future updates you may have! If you’d like to keep in touch, please don’t hesitate to PM me! I enjoyed your writing very much and would love to get to know a fellow WangXian writer! 

Thank you for all the hard work and effort you’ve put into your fics. Anyone can tell how devoted and how passionate you are to these stories. Your skill and style are alluring and your stories have a beautiful charm!

Thank you so much and happy writing! With love, Jafndaegur 

On My Religion

A few months ago, I was very quick to hop on the train of people like Sanderson Jones and Pippa Evans, people who classify themselves as “spiritual but not religious.” It was the concept that they represented, though, and not the way they worded their beliefs that stood out to me. I, in fact, resented the descriptor “not religious” as one which seemed almost dismissive of my atheism, perhaps because somewhere in my subconscious those two words meant that I, someone who does not believe in God, cannot wonder at the mysteries of the world, cannot have true morality, cannot really be humble. It’s a sentiment echoed in Miguel de Unamuno’s atheist prayer, in which he seems to dismiss atheists as people who, given that they do not have God, do not have meaning in life. Did my lack of “religion” make me this way? Was I truly such a bland person, who could not wonder? Ironically, the reason for my rejection of the wording is the same reason for my easy acceptance of the concept.

My beliefs were abstract. I believed deep down that God was not real. Reasons for this conviction of mine were numerous and constantly evolving. But, in eighteen years on earth, I had experienced fulfillment, love, hope...and as such continually wished to convince myself that such feelings were representative of something greater than myself, something greater than even science. Surprisingly enough, such were the beliefs of Albert Einstein. Einstein believed that somewhere in the unity of science and religion were these concepts: love, fulfillment, hope. The explanation of these things, he thought, was offered by science, but it was shallow to call them merely chemicals.

I wanted to believe this. To take the greatest moments of my life, moments of fulfillment, moments of love, moments of hope, and quantify them, explain them with neuroscience, with numbers, with equations, seemed wrong. It seemed to invalidate these moments. A catholic priest with whom I spoke last summer told me a story about an interaction he had with an atheist friend of his: in response to his friend’s positing that religion is false and that the one truth is science, he replied “Then what do you call your love for your wife? Is that just chemicals?” The man, of course, could not affirm that that was the case, for the evident reason that to do so seemed to invalidate his love, and for the more pressing reason that his wife was within earshot.

So where is the explanation for these things? Where my friend the priest found Catholicism, I wasn’t sure where to go. I certainly didn’t believe that the logical next step from “I feel love, fulfillment, etc.” was “there is a sentient, benevolent, omnipotent being in the heavens who made the earth and watches over all of us without intervening,” but I certainly wasn’t sure where to go. It’s for this reason that the “spiritual but not religious” camp drew me in so easily. It offered a simple explanation: there is no God, but there are things greater than ourselves that we don’t understand.

I spent the course of a month with this identification of my beliefs: spiritual but not religious. It was a discussion of scale that made me question. The argument of certain aggressively anti-atheist writers is that, if God did not create the Earth, if He did not create humans in His image, etc., then isn’t human life meaningless and nothingness? We are, after all, as individuals, imperceptible in the eyes of one looking at our planet, which is imperceptible in the eyes of one looking at our galaxy, in turn imperceptible in the eyes of someone looking at our observable universe, which, most likely, is imperceptible in the eyes of someone looking from even further out. We amble meaninglessly around a rock that flies over and over again around a blazing ball of gas, so it was four thousand years ago, so it will be four thousand years from now. Even distinguishing oneself among humans - curing cancer, inventing the emission-free car, things like these are completely and utterly meaningless in the grand scheme of space and time.

What? Scale! Why should I, or you, concern ourselves with the viewpoint of one who observes our universe? In fact, by such an argument, they are as meaningless to us as we are to them. They simply don’t concern us. Here we are, on Earth. And in my eyes, and in your eyes, life is meaningful. Advancing society is supremely meaningful. What matters is not how pointless we seem in the eyes of some hypothetical being quintillions of miles away, but how pointless we seem to ourselves, to which I say, not at all.

These last two paragraphs seem irrelevant, but are included for the purpose of making an analogy. This next paragraph is completely unnecessary, but I feel I cannot address the “pointlessness” argument without detailing the following.

And, secondly, so what? What if we are pointless? It’s an argument popularly made against atheism, but in my opinion it strikes a greater blow against religion. In saying that “since we don’t want to feel pointless, we choose to believe that there is a god who created us for a purpose,” such a theory frames religion as not only a human creation (which invalidates it a bit) but as a human construct made for the sole purpose of making ourselves feel better (which I believe invalidates it a lot).

Back to the two first paragraphs on pointlessness. I conclude, from these, that we as humans have no business saying that we are pointless. Why? Scale. In our own perception, we are not pointless, and that is all that matters. Perception: It’s not greater than ourselves, and yet it is the basis of ourselves. By parallel, I made the following conclusion. Science isn’t necessarily “greater than ourselves,” or “not understood,” but that doesn’t have to diminish it. I take exception, now, to the priest’s usage of the word “just.” By the same scale argument, science and chemicals, explanations that we have for concepts like hope and love, aren’t “just” science and chemicals. Just as our own perception of ourselves is important because in our frame of reference it is important, so can science be supremely important to us. Not classifying love etc. as things beyond human understanding does not, in any way, diminish the importance of them.

By classifying these things as “greater than myself,” I was making the same desirous leap that I rejected in the paragraph that started with “and secondly so what.” Wanting to believe that these things were beyond my understanding led me to will myself into believing that these things are beyond my understanding. The conclusion I’ve since reached is that science, “just chemicals,” as the priest called it, is in fact sublime. The explanation, in my mind, does not lessen the reward of things like hope, fulfillment, love.

So, like I was asked on the scale of doubt quiz, does science have all of the answers? Well, no, it doesn’t. It is, though, theoretically capable of having all the answers - in other words, I believe everything has a rational explanation.

One might next ask me what exactly I believe the purpose of life is. In your mind, life ends, they’d say. Believing that nobody watches you, that there’s no reward or punishment after life, what’s to stop you from living a viceful life for only yourself? A more moderate person might ask, do Epicurus’s beliefs then hold value for you? If your only existence is this life, shouldn’t you just set out to reduce suffering, to enjoy life?

The following paragraphs should, to be accurate, include the words “in my opinion” in each sentence. To avoid being tedious, they aren’t there, but the following is not something that I believe should necessarily be held as a universal truth but rather something that I believe is true.

The meaning of life isn’t to enjoy it, as sad and pessimistic as that sounds. Happiness, of course, is supremely important. But I’ve been talking about it for four pages: fulfillment always trumps happiness (where happiness, in this definition, is a feeling of instant gratification stemming from a single decision (have some ice cream, go to the movies)). Fulfillment is the goal of life, and achieving it warrants a bit of suffering. The meaning of life is to find meaning in life, to make meaning in life.

So no, I don’t think there’s a God. “There is no God but man” is a rather succinct way to describe what I’ve come to believe (though the almost arrogant-seeming phrase isn’t as positive as I’d like). Science does hold all the answers, though we’re not yet intelligent enough to uncover them. Knowing that, is there truly a difference between my beliefs and those of a devout Catholic? In this life, I set out to find meaning, to live in awe of the sublime, and to do well for others. Religion’s goals, I believe are the same. So does it truly matter if the man to my left works towards the same? While he may believe God governs his world, and I may believe science governs mine, I’d consider my beliefs and his religion just as valid.