#(like i've been wanting to for over a year lol)
Note
i kinda really wanna see a big ol vent/rant from you about genshin now lol. I would read an essay
I'm not sure you understand the insanity you just unlocked in me but ok
genshin impact is probably the clearest modern example i can think of of capitalism absolutely eviscerating a creative project. For context, I started playing genshin in 2021, just after the 1.4 update. it was venti's first rerun/the first windblume festival if that means something to you. and I really genuinely thought that it might have had something special. It was a gacha that didn't FEEL like a gacha, which was a huge feat to me.
it began with a very simple story pitch--you, the protagonist, are one of a set of twin siblings traveling through space. you come upon a seemingly unassuming world and your attempts to continue your journey are suddenly stopped by a mysterious, all-powerful figure. you are separated from your sibling and wake up alone on the shores of this planet you were attempting to leave together. throughout that opening cutscene and scattered through the world and your character's dialog there are implications that all is not as it seems, that your character is something unique to this world and that they possess powers and abilities that you've yet to unlock. You are told that you must travel the seven nations of this world in order to find your sibling, which is great--a simple, zelda-like objective which drives the player to explore the secondary narratives of the world. none of this is bad on the surface. in fact i'd argue it's pretty good. there's a ton that can be done with these story bones. even at launch the map and combat system were full of potential as well.
Note: for ease of reading, i'm going to label the different storylines of the game now. A-plot refers to the central objective of the entire game; the find-your-sibling plot and everything that encompasses, including the abyss order/dain, the heavenly principles, the fake sky, etc. B-plot refers to the secondary objective present in each new nation, usually meeting the archon and/or solving a problem for the archon. (A and B-plots will occasionally intersect.) C-plot refers to any story, location, or background information which remains in permanent gameplay but which isn't directly related to the A or B-plots, such as dragonspine, the chasm, enkanomiya, etc. D-plot refers to any story, location, or background information which is confined to limited-time events and does NOT remain in permanent gameplay, regardless of its connection or lack thereof to the A and B-plots, such as the golden apple archipelago, the infamous albedo/dragonspine event, the infamous kaeya/diluc event, etc. Lore as i will refer to it in this post refers to any information which is present in permanent gameplay but which is not directly told to the player within the A or B-plot story quests and objectives, including books, weapon, artifact, and item descriptions, world quest dialog and puzzles, etc.
So now we're in mid-2021, there are two nations' worth of B-plot story quests released in full, and we've run into our first problem, which is that the game isn't finished yet. I don't have any actual information about how the game was/is written, but based on what i've observed over the past few years, my best guess is that the A-plot has been fully written since the beginning, at least in some form. there were very early-game events and information pertaining to the A-plot that would take years to see any actual payoff in the main story quests (kaeya's origin story, the 1.3 scaramouche fake-sky drop, the flowers in lumine's hair, etc.) but those kinds of A-plot story easter eggs very quickly dropped off when the game absolutely EXPLODED during the pandemic.
this sudden burst in popularity was the true beginning of the end for genshin, i think, because suddenly they had a HUGE fanbase that desperately wanted more content faster than they could pump out new A-plot or even B-plot story quests. one of the most pervasive complaints about the game when I began playing in 2021 was that there was nothing to do between story quests. update 1.4 (which was the update I started playing at) was important in that it was the first time since genshin's release over a year before that players recieved any new A-plot, in the form of the archon quest We Will Be Reunited, also known as the quest with the most fucking misleading name of all time. you'll never guess what doesn't fucking happen during this quest. anyways. we were a year into gameplay, two nations out of seven released and a third on the not-so-distant horizon, and it seemed obvious that players were owed some sort of A-plot payoff. and that's very much what WWBR was advertised as, from the quest's name to the banners full of art of the twins staring wistfully at each other. The thing is, what i'm describing as A-plot payoff was actually. not really A-plot payoff at all. WWBR was the reveal that the protagonist's sibling was working with the abyss order, and that the abyss order was connected somehow to Khaenri'ah, which at this point casual players would only have known about from THAT QUEST and MAYBE kaeya's character descriptions if they were diligent enough to get him to friendship level 10 (which, btw there is no indication that you should do to get important context about the story of the game, because kaeya is a 4-star starter character and the only character in the entire game that actually has genuinely important story hidden in his character descriptions.) So what I'm calling A-plot payoff felt at the time a lot less like A-plot payoff than it did like an abyss sibling cameo in an attempt to satiate everyone who was begging for more story. We actually gained almost net 0 information. this is very quickly going to become a pattern.
As I've already alluded to, the motives behind this writing decision are transparently obvious. Genshin is a free gacha game which relies on a consistently active and engaged userbase to make its money. With fans getting restless about the lack of engaging story at the time and a new, very ambitious B-plot quest gearing up for release that would require major support from that fan base in order to remain profitable, the writers were backed into a corner. they HAD to throw the fans some sort of bone in order to keep them engaged with the A-plot, since it was originally pitched as the driving force for the story as a whole, but they were also clearly not at a stage of the writing process where it was prudent to give the player any REAL information about the A-plot. This is how we ended up with a 10-second abyss sibling cameo and an offhanded mention of Khaenri'ah, a nation whose plot-relevance was at that point still basically unknown.
The real problem is, WWBR worked. at least, it worked as intended at the time. It satiated story-focused fans in the interlude between B-plot nations, as hyv was gearing up to release inazuma, which required a lot of time in preparation. WWBR was followed almost immediately by the C-plot golden apple archipelago in 1.6, widely regarded as one of the better events of version 1. GAA was memorable especially because it was the first event that involved an entirely new, limited-time-only map, meaning the event had much more longevity than the standard events players were used to. This is, imo, most likely the update combination that led to the standard formula which hyv uses for its quests and events nowadays. the back-to-back release of WWBR and GAA satisfied both fans who wanted A-plot story AND silenced criticisms about the game lacking endgame playability, which at the time must have seemed like a goldmine to writers desperate for a solution to their content-to-fanbase ratio problem.
From here, genshin started following a standard method of release for their next three nations--inazuma, sumeru, and fontaine. the formula generally went as follows: one major version update (usually version x.0) containing a major map update which included all B-plot relevant locations in the new nation, and the first chapter of the B-plot story quest relevant to that nation. this would then be followed by 2-3 version updates which would each contain the next chapter in the nation's B-plot story quest, sequentially. After the nation's B-plot quest ended, during the downtime in which the next nation's story and map would be finalized, subsequent updates would be largely C-plot, and would contain minor expansions of the map to increase endgame playability via exploration and world quests. This is how we ended up with updates like the chasm, the several extra islands in inazuma, and the quite frankly ridiculously large sumeru map, as well as the offloaded maps like enkanomiya and the sea of bygone eras. with the possible exception of the chasm, none of these areas are A OR B-plot relevant. hyv has realized that artificially inflating the map makes their game technically more engaging during the downtime between nations. However, this comes at a price. While the scenery and set design of the game remains consistently beautiful, the actual, mechanical gameplay that populates that scenery very quickly became mind-numbingly boring if not borderline unplayable. While the 1.0 questlines were not perfect, there was at least an emphasis on the player actually DOING things. 1.0 B-plot quests would have you going to mini-dungeon temples and completing challenges which would acclimate you to the combat system while also serving narrative purpose. There were quests that required you to navigate open-world dungeons. Because your characters were lower-level, combat challenges that arose during these quests were CHALLENGES, rather than two-second buttonmashing segments. By the time we get to sumeru, though, both B-plot AND C-plot quests have become little more than moving your character from location to location and tapping through (usually unvoiced) dialog. there's no GAMEPLAY in the quests anymore, because gameplay isn't what makes money. What DOES make money is giving players 300 hidden chests to find in an open-world map segment, each of which gives them 1/80th of a gacha pull. And so the story suffers and the map gets bigger.
Along with the map expansions, downtime between nations usually also nets us one A-plot quest, usually involving the character dainslief, who was the driver of the initial WWBR quest. This is the second half of hyv's magical formula for keeping fans happy between major releases. the A-plot quests will, as a general rule, give players either very little new information or no new information at all, but will dress up the delivery in such a way that it ALMOST feels as though the protagonist has moved forward somehow. the most recent example of this writing style, the 4.7 quest bedtime story, amounts to about an hour and a half of gameplay and, while it DOES contain a segment in which the protagonist finally actually has a conversation with their sibling, that conversation literally begins with the line "I have so many questions, but for some reason I don't want to ask them right now," ensuring that the sibling will not actually be required to give away any plot-relevant information whatsoever, and the quest ends with the protagonist FORGETTING THAT THE CONVERSATION EVER HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
As I think I mentioned before, the cardinal problem of genshin impact's writing is that fans want answers faster than the writers are prepared to give them. I don't doubt that there's a game bible or relevant equivalent somewhere within hyv which contains the explanations we are currently lacking in regards to the A-plot. the game is consistent enough in its storytelling for me to believe that this isn't all just being made up as we go along. But I'm also certain that a lot of the late-game A and B-plot that is planned (especially if the Khaenri'ah is truly planned to be the 8th nation of the game) hinges on the player knowing very little about the A-plot. this would be fine if genshin was a standard single-release video game that players could work through at their own pace, but it isn't. it's unfinished, and each nation in the game releases months to years after the last, leaving the writers to scramble to fill in the gameplay gaps and players struggling to remember plot-relevant information when it's brought up literal years after they last heard it mentioned. Not only does the time between updates leave players frustrated about the lack of A-plot, it makes the A-plot harder to understand when it is brought up, because the writers are required to throw in so much dense C and D-plot just to keep engagement high enough to make the game profitable in its downtime. we joke about the insane convolution of genshin's lore, but that is first and foremost a byproduct of its financial model. the game requires engaement to be profitable, and adding lore for players to look into drives up engagement. The fact that having so much story with so little plot relevance muddies the waters and makes the A and B-plot stories considerably harder to understand doesn't matter as long as money is being made.
I want to take a quick detour here to talk about the release of sumeru specifically, because this is when I really began to clock the fact that genshin was declining. on paper, racial sensitivity issues aside (Not that they're not important, but i'm doing this deep dive from a storytelling and game design point of view, nothing else. that's a whole can of worms i don't have time to get into here) sumeru was a really promising addition to the game. The new B-plot quest which was set to drop in 3.0 was highly anticipated for several reasons. Two fan-favorite characters (kaeya and scaramouche) were expected to play major roles, because of earlier C and B-plot quests, and much of the nation's scenery that was teased in trailers and promotional content appeared to tie into the A-plot. the most exciting draw about sumeru and version 3.0, though, was the major update to the combat system.
Arguably genshin impact's most interesting feature upon release was its combat system. The map was basically a botw clone at that point, and the story quests, while decently engaging, were rough around the edges to say the least. What genshin DID have going for it was a unique real-time combat system that rewarded strategy and quick thinking.
Genshin's combat system is elemental, and on release there were 6 elemental affiliations: anemo (wind), cryo (ice), pyro (fire), hydro (water), geo (rock), and electro (electricity.) in a sort of pokemon-like system, certain elements were weak to other ones, but more importantly, certain combinations of elements could drastically boost combat stats. Players got to construct four-slot teams of characters, each with an elemental affiliation and certain "skills" which would match their element, and you were encouraged to use the interactions of these elements to build teams. very quickly, a huge community formed dedicated to optimizing teams and tiering characters. People would even make a game out of building teams specifically to do high-level damage with "bad" characters or characters who weren't designed to be damage drivers (my 100k jean burst was an incredible moment fr.) this was, of course, also a picture-perfect driver for the gacha aspect of the game, which was how players obtained new characters.
Pre-3.0, combat was... well i won't say it was balanced, but there was no elemental reaction that had any MAJOR advantage over the others. when you actually ran the numbers, i believe vaporize was the best reaction in terms of damage output, with the best team being raiden national with kazuha for EM buffs. but a well-built freeze or melt team could do similar numbers, or even better numbers depending on your artifact rolls. (ayaka permafreeze you will always be my #1.) Despite a steady stream of new characters with each update, characters from the earliest version of the game like xingqiu and xiangling were still topping the charts in terms of usefulness and versatility in teambuilding. However, as early as 1.0, players had been teased that a major update to the combat system was planned. There was a seventh element, dendro (plants) which pre-3.0 only existed as an elemental affiliation for menial enemies. there were no playable dendro characters, and the only elemental reaction that existed relating to it was very low-level and not particularly useful in combat.
Originally, dendro was projected to be added to the combat system somewhere in version 2, but its release was delayed substantially, meaning it came out along with its affiliated nation, sumeru. And as soon as it came out, it basically broke the combat system. I assume that the scaling they ended up going with may have been out of fear that players would be hesitant to integrate a new element into their pre-established team builds, and thus they may have been worried about sales on their dendro character banners, and i assume that the fact that 3 elements are required to get the highest-level reaction was an attempt to make the meta more balanced in the face of that scaling, but, well... it didn't work. At this point, the genshin impact combat meta is basically "if you're not using hyperbloom what the fuck are you doing." there's basically no reaction in the game that comes close to it in terms of both damage and ease of use. you are not going to beat a hyperbloom team with anything other than a better-built hyperbloom team. combat is now very heavily skewed in the direction of dendro, meaning that if you DON'T want to use a dendro team, you're going to be doing significantly lower numbers. And since enemies are added with each update, post-3.0 combat becomes difficult and annoying if you don't have a hyperbloom team on-hand.
The major gripe i have with dendro isn't even the scaling, though. I mentioned offhand earlier that the 1.0 B-plot questline had a section which taught you the basics of the combat system via mini-dungeons. These mini-dungeons, of course, taught you the version of the system that existed pre-3.0, so there's no tutorial for dendro reactions. Rather than integrating the tutorial into the story and world like they did in their early quests, upon playing 3.0 for the first time players were given a popup that explained, very wordily, how dendro reactions worked. there was no opportunity to test these reactions in an environment without consequences--if you wanted to try them you'd have to remember the relevant information, build yourself a team, find an enemy to try them on, and just hope you got it right. This lack of integration is something i began to notice more and more with genshin as it progressed, especially in sumeru. where in mondstadt and liyue open-world puzzles would be explained to you by an npc or via environmental context clues, in sumeru you'd be stopped while exploring every two seconds by a popup explaining some puzzle or another which, of course, you wouldn't read, because you didn't want to do the puzzle right that minute anyway, and then by the time you DID want to do that puzzle you'd have no in-game way of figuring out how to do it. The puzzle popups may seem like a small thing, but it's one of the clearest examples in the game to me of the fact that the player experience is so clearly not being prioritized here. the game doesn't even TRY to be immersive anymore. they have no qualms about pulling you out of the story to read a paragraph about how the puzzle works. they don't care how your character, in-universe, is supposed to have acquired that information. they don't care why your character, in-universe, is doing the puzzle in the first place. because they know the reason YOU are doing the puzzle, which is to unlock a hidden chest that gives you 1/80th of a gacha pull.
That was not "a quick detour" was it lmfao. ok anyways. back to the story. Now i want to talk about D-plot, meaning limited event stories, and lore as i defined it earlier, meaning contextual details not present in quests or playable story. This is where i think genshin's story becomes completely inaccessible.
Already, we've covered the fact that in order to consume the very basic story, players have to be willing to wait years between A and B-plot quest releases, punctuated by irrelevant map expansions and interlude quests. I mentioned before that genshin's incompleteness is one of the major problems of its story. the fact that players have to wait years, remembering plot-relevant information that they have no way of knowing will even BE plot-relevant, for the payoff of these narratives is frustrating at best and actively malicious at worst. But in theory, there should be an obvious way to circumvent this. One could just wait until the game IS completely finished to play the whole thing. Sort of like buying a game in early access but waiting until it's actually finished to play it all the way through. that's theoretically possible. but, as i have been hammering home this whole time, genshin is a free game, and therefore genshin relies entirely on a consistently engaging fanbase in order to remain profitable. if genshin does not have a base of players who are willing to log in every day, or at the very least once every update, the game's financial model collapses on itself. therefore, genshin puts on limited-time events. this is a standard in gacha games, as a way to keep the fans consistently engaging. What is not standard, however, is the way that genshin uses these events as vessels for its story. about 19 out of 20 limited events in genshin impact will be useless menial bullshit with no effect on the story or really even the player aside from maybe making you fucking angry. 1 out of those 20, though, will be innocuously named, with nothing in the banner or event description to indicate that it's special in any way, but it will contain serious A or B-plot relevant information that exists nowhere else in the game. My personal favorite example is the infamous 1.3 scaramouche appearance, in which he showed up, told the protagonist that the sky was fake, and then immediately fucked off again. Scaramouche did not show up again until at least 2.0, and the fake sky wasn't so much as MENTIONED again until 3.2, almost TWO YEARS LATER. but there are others, such as the (almost equally infamous) albedo doppelganger event in which a major character's loyalties are called into question, or the event where major biographical information is revealed about kaeya, the only playable character with major known connections to the A-plot and Khaenri'ah. With all of these events, once the event period ends, the information contained within them vanishes from the game completely. there's no way to replay old events that you've missed, even sans rewards, so if you miss a plot-relevant event the ONLY way to catch up on that story is through word of mouth. again, this is a transparent way to keep genshin's userbase engaged during downtime between B-plot quests; if you don't log in and play every event, how will you know if you've missed something important? You might not be able to fully understand the future story if you miss out on the D-plot now!
The D-plot problem is something that I think could, in theory, be circumvented by dedicated record-keeping. if the wiki had anything resembling an easily accessible event database that marked story-relevant events and contained summaries or gameplay videos, at the very least you wouldn't have to fear being completely lost on the off chance that a random throwaway line in an event from fucking 1.3 becomes plot-relevant. but hyv obviously doesn't want that, because it undermines their financial model, and the sheer number of events and the amount of rerunning of irrelevant events they do makes the task of recording and categorizing them all daunting if not impossible.
Then, of course, there's lore. this is arguably what genshin is infamous for in certain circles of the internet. You know that unraveled video where bdg reads every book in skyrim? if you tried to do that with genshin the video would probably be about 10 hours long. and it's not just books; genshin hides (potentially) plot-relevant information in weapon and artifact descriptions, in random hidden world quests, in character bios... the list goes on. and 9 times out of 10, the information is essentially written in code. Plot-relevant characters will have multiple names, or the relevant information will refer to them as vaguely as possible, presumably to further the "mystery" and encourage theorizing among fans. but the sheer amount of information like this that exists within the game makes it all but impossible to determine what is plot-relevant and what isn't. For a topical example, the most recent A-plot quest bedtime story mentions the name Rhinedottir in connection with events in Khaenri'ah, suddenly making that name A-plot relevant. Rhinedottir is an alternate name for the character Gold, whose existence you would only have known of before this point if you'd unlocked and read the character Albedo's character bios. (Albedo is a limited-run character who hasn't been available since november 2022, btw.) the only other information about Rhinedottir permanently available in the game comes from the description of the weapon Festering Desire, which was only obtainable from a limited event back in 2020, anyway. So basically, if you wanted ANY context for that remark, you'd have to have been playing the game since AT LEAST 2022, AND you'd have to have taken the time to go over your weapon and character descriptions with a fine-toothed comb. keep in mind that as of right now (june 2024) there are 85 playable characters in this game, each with 10 unique unlockable character bio sections, and over 150 weapons, each with their own unique descriptions, not to mention over 50 artifact sets, each with 5 unique artifacts, which all have their own unique descriptions as well. there are also 51 different collections of books which contain written lore as well. the idea that any player could keep up with all this, or that anyone could even sift through it all to pick out the important things that they NEED to keep up with, is insane, especially when the game makes a point of withholding crucial plot information from its players within the A and B-plot quests. this amount of written lore only exists, again, to drive up engagement in the hopes of subsequently driving up profit. Even if the average player isn't reading and absorbing all this information, the fact that it's there coupled with the fact that the writers consistently refuse to reveal anything beyond surface-level A-plot information means that there's basically ENDLESS theory fodder. and THAT means that people will be posting their theories and talking with each other and getting into arguments. it means "genshin impact" trends on twitter. it means engagement, and engagement means money.
basically what it comes back to is that everything is so transparently money over player experience with this game. I think what we're witnessing with genshin is what i would call an end-stage gacha game--a gacha game that's gone on a little too long and gotten a little too popular, and so the veil has started to slip a little more than usual. Gachas work primarily because they operate by toeing the line between what is fun to play and what is a predatory mechanic. As long as the actual gameplay remains engaging and rewarding, players can ignore the unsavory business practices underneath. At this point, genshin has swerved too hard into the money-hungriness and is still hoping that they can use their old tried-and-true engagement farming methods to remain popular regardless. currently, it seems like those methods are still working, unfortunately. Like I said in the post that prompted this, i really can't wait for the hyv writer NDAs to expire 10 or so years down the line, because I can only imagine what an insane shitshow writing for this game must be. I want to see the tell-all articles. I want carnage.
That being said, I played genshin impact religiously from 2020 to 2023. I loved the game. Despite myself, I am still really, REALLY interested in the A-plot. I want to know what's going on with the protagonist and their sibling; where they came from, what happened to them, what the heavenly principles are, what role celestia plays in all of this. I want to know Kaeya's full backstory, what role Khaenri'ah plays in the overarching story, and what happened to it in the past. but I don't really have any faith that I ever will, because I know that as long as keeping their fans in the dark and stringing them along remains profitable, that's what hyv will continue to do.
Do I think genshin impact is unsalvagable? in its current state, yes. If I was given the ability to turn back time and convince a bunch of executives of the profitability of this venture, I would change almost nothing about the story of genshin and completely rework the mechanics of its release. I would make it a series of single-release self-contained games rather than a constantly-updating gacha. Each game would be one B-plot quest, or one nation, eight games in all, preferably released once every year. Removing the gacha mechanic, players would be given access to a certain pool of characters to build teams at the start of each game, and then periodically unlock new characters as the story progressed. for example, if you were playing the inazuma game, you'd start out with only your protag, and after progressing to a certain point in the story you'd get a pool of inazuma 4-stars to teambuild with freely. Then, as the story progressed and you met plot-relevant inazuman 5-stars you'd add them to your pool. I'd change basically nothing about the combat system except for a properly integrated introduction of dendro when it makes its appearance in sumeru. Once you completed the story in that nation, you could move onto the next game in the series if it was out, or if it wasn't, you could continue to explore the open world while waiting for the next release. Would this be as profitable as the gacha model? probably not, but what it WOULD do is allow for much more consistent pacing and writing, with the added bonus of not making your userbase feel like you'd shoot them in the head for their pocket change.
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Talk to Me (Part 4) - Final
Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3
Pairing: Loki x female reader (Y/N)
Summary: You and Loki hold each other tightly in your bed and one of you finally says those three little words you are both so desperate to hear.
Warnings: This is almost as close to the characters having sex as I've ever gotten... it's definitely not quite there but it's close lol what else... um, he's super cold and you're hot so a bit of temperature difference is used... I'm not sure what would need a warning honestly but let me know if I missed anything
A/N: Thanks @soubi001 for letting me bounce ideas off of you like always! Thanks @jiyascepter for reading the absolute grammatical nightmare of my rough draft! Also... I changed a whole lot of it after I sent it to you so there's that 🫣
Hope everyone enjoyed this series (which was supposed to be a oneshot) 💚
"Can I ask you something?" you say a few minutes later in a low voice.
"You can ask me anything," he promises.
You look at Loki's hand resting under yours in the dim light of your room and hope your question isn't too much to ask of him.
"I was wondering if you could shift to your Jotun form," you finally force out the words and you can feel his breathing become less steady instantly. "You don't have to," you add quickly realizing you had been right, it was too much, too soon. You hoped he might be at least open to the idea because of your talk but how could you have be so nieve? One little talk wasn't going to undo years and years of negative thoughts and trauma.
"I just thought... I might feel safer... not that you don't already make me feel less anxious but I thought maybe if you were in your Jotun form, your ice powers could counter my pyrokinesis quicker when someth- if something happens," you try to explain your reasoning but you feel as if you are rambling. "If I have another nightmare... I don't want to hurt you."
He remains quiet and you can't guage his reaction without being able to see him. "I'm sorry, I should've have asked," you shake your head at your own stupidity.
"No, I'm sorry. I just needed a moment," he says softly as he tries to force away the thoughts that surfaced the moment you mentioned his Jotun form. "I have never been anyone's safe place before and I don't want to ruin this for you. I will do whatever it is you need me to do."
"You've always been my safe place, I guess I never actually told you that before... I just kinda thought you had figured that out since you're person I always go to when I'm scared," you tell him honestly. His arm relaxes again while you gently squeeze his hand, you can feel his breathing becoming slower. "I can't explain why but you make me feel calm and protected, I think that was why I was able to fall sleep with you in the library when we first started talking," you close your eyes knowing some things are easier to say without looking at him. "I've never felt this secure with anyone before, it's almost like I don't have to be afraid if you're with me."
He remains silent and you worry he doesn't believe you or worse, you've stepped over the boundary of your friendship and made him uncomfortable with your honesty. Loki closes his eyes as well, listening to your softly spoken words. All he ever wanted was to make you feel safe, the way you had made him feel whenever you would free him from a nightmare.
You feel Loki take a deep breath and slowly begin to feel his skin cool against your warm palm. You open your eyes to look at your hands and see his turn a deep blue under yours. The blue travels gradually up his wrist and you can't help but watch it move further up his arm as he shifts into his Jotun form without a word.
"This is the most beautiful shade of blue," you say quietly as your fingers lightly trace the ridges that spiral around the back of his hand. He sighs contently at your touch and you move your fingers steadily higher, following the ridges up his wrist and forearm. You roll over in his arms, tracing the ridges until you reach where his skin is covered by his sleeves.
You look at Loki and smile but he closes his eyes quickly, turning his head as if he still feels the urge to hide from you. You touch his cheek gently, noticing the thin ridges there as well. He opens his eyes in response to your light touch, his gaze locking on yours. "I've never seen anyone with eyes that were so..." you search for the right word.
"Demonic," he offers and you frown.
"Mesmerizing," you tell him. You love Loki's blue eyes, they were truly stunning but there was something about his true eyes. The intense ruby coloring almost seems to glow in the semi-darkness of your room.
He smiles in response but you can tell he is forcing it, you can always tell unlike some of the others on the team. You suddenly lean towards him, kissing his cheek lightly where your fingers had been.
He looks at you in shock, his lips parted slightly as he blinks slowly. You bite your lip, chewing on it nervously as your mind races to process your action. You feel a blush creep across your checks and neck as your brain catches up, quickly you try to roll away from him but his arm holds you in place.
"Y/N," he tries to keep his voice calm, his heart beating rapidly from the unexpected kiss. He places his cool hand on your warm cheek, wishing you would kiss him again. He shifts towards you, removing the little bit of space that had existed until his lips are only inches from yours. His gaze drops to your lips then he looks into your eyes.
I love you, his heart screams but he holds the words back. You had accepted him, every bit of him, even the parts he wasn't yet able to accept himself. His heart argues with his mind, tell her you love her, it pleads.
You look into Loki's fiery red eyes, anxiety coursing through your body. You can see he wants to say something but you are afraid he will remind you that he is only your friend and nothing more. The moment between the kiss and now has only been seconds but it feels like an eternity. Your eyes fall from his and you feel as if you need to be free from his arms so you can hide yourself away. Again, Loki's arm remains around your body, preventing you from your escape.
You lift your eyes to meet his again and he says, "You have always told me I can talk to you about anything."
You nod as you try to brace yourself to be devastated. He sighs, you see worry and uncertainty in his eyes, whatever he is preparing himself to tell you is not something small. You wait anxiously as the seconds tick by until he finally speaks.
"I need you to know how much I cherish you and our friendship," he says and your heart sinks as you fear he will end any thoughts you had that you could ever be together.
"I do not want to ruin the closeness we have, you mean so much more to me than I ever thought possible but... I do not want to simply remain your friend," he says and you look at him, stunned by his words.
His thumb strokes your cheek gently and he gathers all the courage he can to continue. "I want to be so much more than your friend. I want to call you mine, I want to be yours and I want everyone to know it. I want to take you on dates and sleep with my arms around you like this every night," he says and your heart races as his lips come slowly closer. He pauses, trying to study your reaction, his nervousness eating away at him.
"Loki, I-" you try to find the words you need, the words you had told yourself you would never have a chance to say.
He clenches his jaw and he looks down as you struggle to answer, his own thoughts telling him that he shouldn't have listened to his heart. You had a hard enough day and night without him throwing his feelings into the mix.
"Loki," you say again and he looks up, you smile nervously. "I want all of that, too," you finally force the words free. "I want to be yours, I always have."
His red eyes light up and the smile you fell in love with spreads across his lips at your admission. In an instant, he presses his lips to yours and you feel it in your whole body. You kiss him back, your fingers on the back of his neck while his hand moves to your lower back, holding you to him. He pulls back far too soon to look at you, his wide smile still present.
"I love you," you hear the words leave your lips and quickly cover your mouth with your hand. You are unsure how the words slipped free, maybe it was the feeling of his lips against yours but it was too soon to admit you had such deep feelings for him. He had only just told you he wanted to date you, you had skipped too far ahead, you scold yourself.
He chuckles and removes your hand from your mouth. "I love you, too," he says, his heart finally feeling free.
"Do you mean it?" you ask in disbelief. "Please, don't say it if you don't mean it."
"Y/N, I have never and will never lie to you. I have loved you for months," he says honestly. He feels a wave of relief flood through him as he finally tells you what he had kept hidden. "I don't know when it happened," he smiles with a slight shrug. "When I look back now, I feel as if I have always loved you."
You can't stop the blush that creeps up your neck, filling you with warmth. Never in your wildest dreams had you expected to hear him say these words. You smile, "I know the exact moment I realized I was in love with you."
His icy fingers running up and down the exposed skin on your arm, causing you to shiver a bit and shift closer to him. "Tell me," he urges gently.
You giggle, remembering that afternoon three months ago as you do so often. "We were in the park, having lunch and it started pouring out of absolutely no where. I didn't have a jacket or even a sweater to hide under. We abandoned our food on the bench and you took my hand, leading me to the nearest place where we could find any shelter."
Loki chuckles as the memory of the day flashes into his mind, you weren't the only one who vividly remembered that afternoon. "The only dry place was the small overhang of the maintenance shed," he says as he pictures the spot.
You nod, "There was barely enough room for one of us under there. My back was against the wall of the building and you stood facing me, your back still getting rained on. You stayed so close to me, sheltering me from the worst of it. Your hair was dripping and your dress shirt was soaked through but you didn't seem to notice, you still stood between me and the storm. You were so protective of me, making sure I was okay."
The storm has raged for only ten minutes but the intensity was what caught everyone off guard. The wind picked up furiously as lightning struck the tall buildings near the park. Some people had speculated that the storm had been called by Thor since it wasn't in the weather forecast for the day but he denied it.
Loki smirks, "My first priority was of course your safety and making sure you were clear of the storm but there was another, less nobel reason I stayed so close to you."
"There was?" you ask, feeling a blush of warmth rising up your neck again. His cool fingers gently brush along your warm skin as he nods in response to your question.
In a low voice he says, "You were utterly drenched, your blouse sticking tightly to you. I can still picture how the dark gray fabric clung to your curves so perfectly. I spent our time waiting for the storm to pass fighting an overwhelming urge to touch you, to kiss you. If I'm being completely honest, I wanted to push you against the wall of that building and kiss you until the storm died down, perhaps not even stopping then."
"You should have," you tell him quickly. You had no idea that was what he was thinking while you waited together, you wish you had. You smile then add, "I just need to say this... you looked really sexy looming over me like that and now I guess it's cause that's what you were thinking about."
He runs his thumb lightly across your bottom lip and says, "I think we should start making up for lost time." You nod excitedly and he presses his lips to yours fiercely.
Loki rolls over quickly so you are on your back, his lips never leaving yours as he positions himself on top of you. One of your hands moves to his lower back, holding him firmly to your body and the fingers on your other hand tangle in his long black hair. You feel the temperature of his lips changing, his skin becoming warmer and you break away from the kiss.
Loki looks down at you, his blue eyes quickly filling with concern. "Is something wrong?" he asks.
You touch the pale skin on his cheek lightly and smile, "No."
"Are you sure?" he asks, fear quickly building in him from how suddenly you pulled away.
"Don't look so worried. I felt you shift and I wanted to tell you something," you try to calm him.
"What's that darling?" he tries to push away his worry.
"I need you to know that I don't care where you are from, Jotunheim or Asgard. It doesn't matter to me, it doesn't change how I feel about you. You are still exactly who you were before you let me see beyond your illusion. I understand why you would be more comfortable in your Asgardian form but I hope you can learn to feel just as comfortable without your illusion one day," you watch his fears fade away gradually. "I love you, every bit of you whether you are Jotun or Asgardian," you tell him and he smiles.
"Plus... I used to work with the X-Men, so you're not even close to being the first blue person I've ever met," you add, hoping to make him laugh a little since he seemed so stressed moments ago. "A surprising number of mutants are blue, I'm not sure if you knew that. But of all the blue people I know, you are by far my favorite. And the best looking, might I add."
He lets out a loud laugh, his forehead resting on the bed next to your shoulder. "I'm serious, you are really hot when you're blue. I mean you're also really hot when you're not, too," you giggle at the feeling of Loki shaking from laughter while he is on top of you.
After he calms his laughter, he shakes his head and looks at you, "What am I going to do with you?"
You smile up at him and shrug innocently. "Love me?" you suggest.
"I already do," he says. "Very," he kisses your cheek, "much," he kisses your other cheek.
"You could keep kissing me?" you ask with another hopeful suggestion.
He smirks then kisses your lips softly, then your nose causing you to giggle more then your forehead lightly. He looks into your eyes as they slowly shift to be ruby red again. You reach up and cup his cheek as his skin cools once more. "Is this okay?" he asks as he continues to slowly let his illusion fade away.
"Its perfect," you answer, the same as you had when he first held you. "You're perfect."
His skin loses its warmth as the blue spreads up his neck to his face and down to his arms. You move your hand to the back of his neck and pull him towards you, your lips meeting his roughly. He presses you into the mattress, his hips grind down against yours, causing you to moan quietly.
Loki's lips leave yours and you let out a small whine in protest making him chuckle. "I'm not nearly finished with you my love, don't you worry," he assures you. He kisses your neck, just below your ear and you feel a shiver run down your body as his icy lips travel down your warm skin.
"Loki," you breathe out his name when his lips reach your collarbone.
Loki pulls his lips away from you to look over at your nightstand, your eyes follow his gaze. You giggle when he looks back at you, "A little mood lighting?" he asks, his smirk returning.
You blush and shrug, realizing you had lit the three small candles you keep near your bed for practice.
"Let's make sure you don't set anything else on fire tonight, hmm?" he says gently.
"I can't make any promises," you tell him in a joking manner.
His fingers move to your cheek and you feel a chill as he calls his ice powers forward. He trails his icy fingers slowly down your cheek to your neck and where he had left off on your collarbone. You shiver at the sensation, closing your eyes as you arch into his touch.
"No more fires," he says slowly, the breath from each word feels like ice against the warm skin on your neck.
You nod and he smiles, "Good girl." You bite your lip, blushing at the small bit of praise and Loki immediately notices. "Hmm, I will need to remember that for later," he says with a raised eyebrow.
You wave your hand gently towards the candles, extinguishing the flames then place your warm hand on his cheek. Pulling him towards you again, you kiss him fiercely, your heated lips meeting his cool lips. Loki's tongue slips between your teeth and your hands move down his back to the hem of his shirt, gripping the fabric tighter as his hips press you firmly into the mattress.
Loki sits up, his eyes still focused on yours as he pulls his shirt off over his head. Before he can lower himself onto you again, your eyes roam up and down his body and you whisper, "Wow."
He laughs and asks, "Is that a good wow or bad?"
You smile, "Very, very good." Then without thinking you add, "I didn't think it was possible but you are even hotter than I had imagined."
He tilts his head and smirks, "My dear, have you pictured me without my clothes on before?" You blush easily again and say nothing. He leans back down, his lips barely in an inch from yours and says, "Talk to me, I want to hear what you imagined."
You keep eye contact and say, "Sometimes when I can't sleep I think about being with you in my bed..." you pause.
"Is that all?" he asks, knowing there is more you haven't told him.
"No," you try not to giggle.
"Tell me all of it," he says, his fingers running an icy path down your arm.
"I also think about us being in your bed-" you say as Loki's hips move against yours. He lifts them slowly and you continue, "and in my shower-" again he moves his hips as you talk and you can feel how hard he is. "I want you on your couch-" you keep listing locations and he kisses your neck, biting it lightly. "And in my office..." your voice trails off when his lips move back to yours.
You cling to his back, feeling the ridges that spiral up and down his skin. You pull away from Loki's lips and trail your warm fingers deliberately down two long ridges. "How far down to these go? Are they... everywhere?"
He smirks, "You're about to find out."
You open your eyes slowly the next morning and smile when you realize Loki is still with you. He is resting on his back while you lay on his bare chest, his arms tightly around you. Your fingers slowly trace the ridges that run across his body and he chuckles when you accidentally tickle him.
"Good morning my love," he says in a sleepy voice.
You sit up and kiss his cheek, his red eyes meeting yours before you lay your head back on his chest. "I was worried last night was just an absolutely perfect dream," you say softly.
His fingers run gently up and down your back. "It was very real," he assures you. "You're mine and I am yours," he says and your body fills with warmth.
You move so you can kiss his lips softly and remind him, "I love you."
He holds the back of your neck gently and brings your lips back to his so he can kiss you longer. He smiles and says, "Tell me that again."
You giggle, "I love you."
He kisses your cheek as he sits up, "Tell me again."
"I love you, Loki," you say.
He rolls you onto your back and kisses your neck, just below your ear then he moves slowly down. "Again," he says when he pauses.
You look up at him, touching his cheek gently, "I love you."
"I will never tire of hearing those words leave your soft lips," he says from above you. "I love you, Y/N," you smile just before he presses his lips to yours once more.
I hope you liked this!! Please like, share and comment if you did 💚💚 Please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist!
@soubi001 @mochie85 @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen @animnerd @cabingrlandrandomcrap @icytrickster17 @lokisgoodgirl @mischief2sarawr @stupidthoughtsinwriting @mjsthrillernp @holdmytesseract @lulubelle814 @goblingirlsarah @alexakeyloveloki @siconetribal @lokidokieokie @kneelingformyloki @jiyascepter @eleniblue @loreniscrying @muddyorbsblr @alyeskathewave @loz-3 @firedrakegirl @javagirl328 @princessdragon23 @morally-grey-variant @soulpiercing @km-ffluv @superficialdomina @irishhappiness @princess-ofthe-pages @lotrefcp @glitterylokislut @biodegradable-glitter-fest
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Can I request something real quick?
Arthur founds out he has a daughter but she’s living in the streets type orphan…
i got WAYY too into this story lol i hope you enjoyy!! Xx
i took a little bit of creative liberty with this one and it was just a blast to write
Daughter of Legend
"She looks just like you, Arthur!" Dutch said, elbowing Arthur arm and wiggling his eyebrows.
"There's no way..." Arthur mumbled, his voice sounded distant. His mind was somewhere else.
"Arthur! We need to go talk to her at least. I mean, look at the girl!"
"Oh fine!" Arthur grumbled. There was no way. She couldn't be..unless... No... Wait... Oh god-
"Hey! Why don't you men jus' take a picture of me if yer' gonna keep starin'! Piss off!"
That voice pulled Arthur from his thoughts, and drew a laugh from Dutch.
"So sorry, little Miss!" Dutch said, raising his hands in the air. "We just-"
"No! Men like you only want one thing from a girl like me- and you can't have it! You friends with the men who came after me the other night? If you come any closer I'll scream!" The girl spat. And fucking god it just broke Arthur's heart. Was it really her?
"Honey.. we're not here to hurt you. Promise." Arthur said, looking the girl in the eyes. Icy blue, just like his. "I jus'..."
"You..." The girl started, cautiously making her way towards Arthur. The southern drawl of her voice sounding all too familiar. "Do I... Are you...?"
"Is your name Victoria...?" Arthur asked softly, his voice raw with emotion but also full of hope.
The girl's eyes welled up with tears, her mouth was agape. Dutch had taken a step back, watching in awe from a distance. Now he understood why Arthur had reacted the way he did.
The girl nodded viciously. She knew who she was talking too, but she couldn't dare believe it to be true. Because what if it wasn't him? Even though she knew it was.
"Victoria Morgan..? Is that your name?" Arthur breathed out. Was is real?
"Yes!" Victoria cried, covering her mouth with her palms. She shook her head viciously. This was real, this was happening. It wasn't just a hopeful daydream she allowed herself to indulge in anymore. Her whole body shook the fore of her sobs, she began to fall forawrd.
Arthur ran forward, catching his little girl in his arms.
"Daddy!" Victoria sobbed, she wrapped her arms around her father and sobbed into his chest. Not even his strong and secure arms wrapping around her could calm her. "Oh it's you it's you I thought you forgot about me! I thought you left! I couldn't find you! Dad!"
Victoria wailed. A sound so painful and raw, it was barley contained by Arthur chest. He silently wept, a steady stream of tears flowing down his face.
"Oh my sweet baby girl.." Arthur said shakily. He cradled Victoria's head in his hands. Just like when she was a baby. It quieted her down a bit, just like when she was a baby. "I looked so hard for you and yer' Mama.... So so hard baby.."
"She's dead daddy..." Victoria whispered. "I- I-"
"Shhh Shhh honey it's okay." Arthur said softly. "You don't need to tell me nothin' now. I'm with you now. I'm never lettin' you outta my sight again."
"I've been so scared.. I tried to find you, for years daddy. I needed you so bad." Victoria whispered.
"Look at me." Arthur said, pulling away from Victoria slightly and holding her face so he could look her in the eyes. "You will never leave my side again. I'm gon' protect you. 'M here now, you just try and forget everythin' that happened to you over all these years. I'm gonna take care of you now."
"Nothin' else matters now that I'm by your side?" Victoria said with a sad laugh. Arthur returned the laugh. He used to say that same thing to Victoria when he'd come back to visit her injured. To stop her from worrying.
"That's right baby, that's right." Arthur said, using his thumbs to wipe away Victoria's stray tears.
"Arthur.." Dutch started, not really sure what to say. "Go..go get your little girl back to camp. I'll finish everything up here. But we need to talk when I get back."
Arthur nodded gratefully. Victoria ignored anyone and anything that wasn't her father, feeling safe in his arms but still stuck in that constant mode of survival and terror.
"I never though I'd see your pretty face again." Arthur said with a light chuckle. "You've grown t'be such a beautiful young woman.. I'm s' sorry I couldn't have been here to watch it happen."
"It's okay." VIctoria said with a smile. "It wasn't by choice, on either of our parts."
"Mhm." Arthur nodded. He smoothed down the ruffled bits of his daughters honey blonde hair. "You're 15 now, god there's so much I need to tell you. S'much we need to talk about.. C'mon. Let's get you home."
Arthur scooped up Victoria in his arms, and made his way over to his horse. He got Victoria settled before climbing on behind her. Neither of them could believe this was real.
"I never thought I'd see you again..." Victoria said softly. Arthur took one arm off the reins and squeezed his daughter in a hug. "Your Arthur Morgan? The gunslinger? And was that Dutch Van Der Linde?"
"That's right honey." Arthur chuckled. "I forget last time I saw ya' you were too young to know I had a name other than 'daddy.' "
"I only knew your last name, cause I heard mama call you Mr. Morgan a few times." Victoria said with a sigh. "I never even knew her name...."
"Eliza." Arthur said softly. Victoria nodded, though she didn't speak. He understood, I mean, what was there to say?
"When she.. y'know. She knew the people were comin'. She sent me out the back door, told me to run straight into the woods near the house. To get in deep, and told me not 'to come back, to wait there for her. She never came to get me. I stayed hidden till the next mornin' before I went back to the house and found her."
Arthur let out a deep and heavy sigh. Sweet Eliza, murdered. Gone. Dead. Her last act was to protect their daughter. God the woman she was. Arthur could shoot himself in the foot, if only he had done things differently.
"Do you know who they were?" Arthur asked quietly. Victoria sighed, running her hands through her hair as she began to think back to that horrible day.
"I remember her sayin' something about a bunch of 'Irish bastards' but that's 'bout it." Victoria said, so casually. If only she knew the information she had just given to her father.
Arthur's head swam, he couldn't hear anything other than the pounding of his heart in his ears.
Irish bastards.
Irish fucking bastards.
O'Driscolls.
a/n: will definitly be doing a part two of this! i get wayyy to invested in these requests and drabbles lol Xx
#arthur morgan#red dead redemption 2#rdr2 arthur#red dead fanfiction#arthur morgan rdr2#rdr2#arthur morgan fluff#arthur morgan is a sweetheart#arthur morgan is a girl dad#daddys girl original character#oc#original character#read dead redemption 2 fanfic#drabble
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Hey! I'm a huge fan of your Joker, and in general, I'm a really big fan of artists reclaiming the Joker as a queer character--in spite of everything DC does with him (lmao). Recently tho I've seen a ton of people saying you shouldn't "want the Joker to be a queer character bc he's an irredeemable person", and like, that's been driving me nuts lol. Wondered if you had any thoughts on the matter?
thank you! it pops up again every time a new wave of 15 year olds learn about comics through A03 fics and wikipedia summaries, I don't worry about it
ofc, there are several facets to this discussion, most of them revolving around media literacy and tokenism and homophobia within comics and such.... but I feel the most pressing one is that morality and sexuality have absolutely nothing to do with each other and although stereotypes exist and ultimately can effect how people are treated in the real world, it is possible to write someone who is both irredeemable and plausibly queer without intertwining the two, just like it's possible for an irredeemable person in the real world to have positive qualities, but still suck overall, to think otherwise is to oversimplify the complexity of being human and queerness as a widespread and common behavior
anyway, all that said, i don't ask for comics cannon joker to be queer because I ultimately don't trust a lot of people writing him and it;s a very easy thing to fumble with a character that messy, my interpretations mostly revolve around reclaiming aspects of queercoding that have been woven into his character over time, and I think it would ultimately be fun to get a cleaner slate one day and see the character return to a state that embraced a sort of jovial chaos with a little anarcho-left commentary sprinkled in
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weekly tag wednesday thursday <3
omg how is it wednesday thursday again already?! where has this week gone? i've basically been MIA here since the last one lol so thank you to @jrooc @creepkinginc @energievie @deedala @gardenerian
@blue-disco-lights @sgtmickeyslaughter @vintagelacerosette for the tags! i love you all! i love this place! i'm so happy we get to scream about it today!
- - - - OKAY LET'S GET INTO IT - - - -
how did you get into the fandom? i fully fell into gallavich in the spring of 2021 & starting shoving fics in my face faster than ian & mickey took their clothes off when ian went to get the gun back, mickey. then i started noticing that people were linking their tumblrs in the end notes & so i lurked suuuper hard through the summer until i finally made my own blog!
how long have you been here? almost three glorious years <3
what’s the first fandom channel you found? (Youtube, Reddit, Tumblr, Insta, Twitter, FB, other?) i suppose youtube is correct because i watched a bunch of edits that really cemented my obsession, but tumblr was the first place i interacted with fandom friends :)
what’s your favourite now? i'm a tumblrina for life!
which mutual have you known the longest in the fandom? this will always make me so fucking emotional -- my first mutual was @metalheadmickey & now i've been to their wedding *sobs forever*
which tumblerino’s did you have your first fandom crush(es) on and wanted to get to know? oooohalskfj this is a hard one! there have been so many! when i first showed up, i started collecting beloved mutuals like pokemon... but to steal from mel, there was a real HUZZAH moment around getting a message from @whatwouldmickeydo & now i'm gonna go to their wedding *continues sobbing forever*
first Gallavich fan fic you read (or that blew you away that you remember) the holy trinity of my early fandom days were absolutely like real people do by grayola, restoration by @palepinkgoat & the increasingly poor decisions of ian gallagher by @goodkwuestion
first fan art that blew your mind? yooo we are so blessed around these parts & at the beginning it was another trilogy lol - @steorie @psychicskulldamage & @darthvaders-wife
fanfic trope that you were sure wasn’t for you but now you low key (or high key) love? a/b/o! truly shocking to discover & then love & then WRITE A WHOLE MULTI-CHAP FIC OF
What surprised you most about this fandom? omg how smushy soft everyone is! halskfjalfj - like, it's a pretty hard show to watch at times & the characters are all so messy & not saying we have it altogether over here or anything, but everyone's just a kind little marshmallow! :)
moment in the show (or YT vids if you’re one of those) that you fell in hyperfixation with Gallavich? the first one was probably s3 "not everybody gets to blurt out how they fucking feel every minute!" because i was like, OHHH OH THIS IS GONNA HURT ME & then it just kept getting worse....
Ian or Mickey? mickey baby ily so much. but to echo others, they really are two halves of the same brain cell & they've fought so hard to be together. so idk how you choose!
Which Gallagher or Milkovich are you? jeeeez, maybe fiona? lip? liam? hahaha probably none of them tbh, but i love 'em like family!
- - - - -
tagging @thisdivorce @rereadanon @sickness-health-all-that-shit @crossmydna & @heymrspatel if you wanna play! if not, i'm smooching you on your nose <3
#i love this tag game & i love this fandom!#WHAT A GIFT IT IS TO BE HERE PLAYING WITH ALL OF YOU#making shit#loving on each other#yeah. it's just a good good group#& some good good boy dolls#thank god#weekly tag wednesday
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i just don't trust these major network showrunners and writers to actually write buddie to its logical and rightful conclusion. I've followed so many shows and observed so many fandoms over the years, so many amazingly layered characters with extraordinary bonds that spawned popular and beloved ships. And each and every one of those ships were used to bait viewers without ever going canon, this way they get the views from the ship fans as well as the more general fans. The only difference in 911 is they somehow managed to make Buck canonically bi, which is a huge deal for a main male lead on a network procedural show. Yet they immediately slapped him with an underdeveloped character who has zero onscreen chemistry with buck, and relegated their relationship to the background entirely. Almost like the networks's checking off a box and being done with it.
if buddie is in the grand plan, I feel like there should've been some onscreen textual hints already this season after buck came out. But there's been nothing from any of the characters, and it's just heartbreaking. I'll remain a buddie truther for the rest of my life, but it really does feel like the show is trying to draw the line in the sand to say "buck and Eddie are bros only," even if the way the show does this is to forcibly retcon/erase all of the buddie buildup over all these seasons.
Sorry Non for not answering this for awhile. I absolutely understand where you're coming from as I've also been a part of fandoms for a long time especially ones who gleefully use queerbaiting to keep fans interested. I think the biggest difference between 911 and other shows is that generally other shows don't have any queer characters or only minor queer characters. 911 however has a main queer couple (henren) and plenty of side queer characters/pairs as well. So that's an advantage for us; this means they're very much open to a queer storyline.
We've gotten bi Buck which is a very big deal for not only queer representation but also in regards to Buddie. The are clearly aware this is something we want and they've told us that it has been discussed in the past for Eddie to be queer as well so they have definitely at some point discussed making Buddie canon. The actors are down for this as well (Oliver no. 1 buddie truther). The setback seems to have come from the network before so it couldn't happen. But things are changing with the new network.
The reason I think they haven't made Buddie canon yet is that it was simply too short of a season for them to do so. Also it seems like there have been a lot of issues with this season and a lot of it was written hastily. Tim probably had completely different stories in mind for the characters but I guess things like scheduling issues put a wrench in it (Natalia's actress had a scheduling issue and the issue with Marisol's actress). I think Tim had planned completely different arcs for Buck and Eddie in regards to their relationship but had to just do whatever to finish the season because of the issue with the actresses. I think he introduced Tommy as a sort of placeholder for the moment because they couldn't expand Buck's bi story just yet. This was also probably to test the audiences' acceptance of a main character being queer after 6 seasons and to test how much leeway they have with the network. This doesn't mean I agree with what he did because I actually hate it lol. Leaving them both single would have made much more sense than introducing another shit character/actor who only created a divide in the fandom and brought in absolute weirdos into it.
Honestly I could go on forever on why I think Buddie being canon is in the books but for now all I can say is that don't give up just yet! I personally think there's been a lot of deliberate choices this season that were made to jump start the 'making Buddie canon process'. Give it another season at least! If they don't get together, I'm hoping there would at least be a CLEAR indication that they're heading there towards the end of season 8. If they don't do anything of that sort then we can consider giving up on them and living happily in our fanon bubble. But for now stay with us! There's much hope yet!!
Also sorry if this got rambly and doesn't make much sense! My inbox is always open and you can shoot me a message if you wanna discuss or vent more!
#dagger answers asks#answered asks#buddie#eddie diaz#911 abc#evan buckley#evan buck buckley#anti bucktommy#anti tommy kinard#anti lou ferrigno jr
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you were in Iceland?? epic! I've been there as well (in 2022), how was it? how was the volcano? (if you don't mind me asking, feel free to ignore this)
Yes! I was there 5/18 to 6/1. I've wanted to go for like a decade and have been semi planning this trip for 2024 for a year and a half, then properly researching and planning since January. It was SO AMAZING. Exactly everything I wanted :) I was ready to go home at the end for like, my own bed and some rest, but now I miss it and want to go back lol
If you went in 2022, did you get to hike to the Fagradalsfjall eruption? I know those were the "tourist" ones that people could get closer to. The current eruptions are part of another volcanic system on the Reykjanes peninsula, Svartsengi. They aren't open for hiking. It erupted again 3 days before I left. I got to see it twice! On our last full day we drove out of Reykjavik and saw it along the highway, and then the day we left we stopped on the way to the airport. I took this with my 250 mm from literally the side of the highway:
It caused no interferences with our travel. It's a fissure eruption, so the lava is erupting along a fissure and isn't as big and explosive. Initially they were afraid this one might disrupt air travel if the lava flowed to the sea (producing more ash and steam) but it didn't. It was very cool to see! I feel bad for the people who lived in Grindavik though, it’s been months since they had to evacuate and there isn't an end in sight for them yet. The Icelandic government really stays on top of things like road closures, weather reporting, etc so I checked their websites daily. The main concern with the eruption as gas pollution, so I just checked their pollution forecast to see if the wind was going to blow it over us or not (it didn't.)
Our trip went great. We had mostly good weather and apparently left just in time because this last week there's been a pretty nasty problematic storm across the whole country that left a bunch of people stranded. But we left 2 days before that. We drove 3,300 km in our rental car (2,050 miles) and did the entire ring road + some of the Westfjords + Snæfellsnes + Húsavik + Borgarfjörður Eystri as detours. Our rental car was named Jim because that was his license plate. We bonded with him lmao
Here's a few photos :)
Major things I did: Katla Ice Cave, Vestmannaeyjabær, Silfra snorkeling in 2°C water, Jökulsárlon boat tour, Húsavik whale watching, countless waterfalls, puffins at Borgarfjarðarhöfn, Hvammsvik hot springs & Sky lagoon, and Mulagljufur Canyon.
It was at coldest, 2°C (35°F) with downpour rain being pushed sideways into your face by wind to the point you could hardly open your eyes. It was at hottest 19° C (66°F) and sunny. We mostly got great weather, it was only one day that was particularly bad. Mostly it was between 7°C - 13°C (45°F - 55°F) the whole time.
I NEVER saw it get dark and that was a novelty to me the entire trip. Like it never settled in as something I got used to. Presumably it got mostly dark somewhere around 2 am but I was always asleep by then and even if I woke up to go the bathroom, it'd be like 4 am and already light again. The furthest north we stayed was Ísafjörđur, and according to timeanddate.com by May it never reaches full dark, only civil twilight for 3 hours and daylight the other 21. I can't imagine if I'd actually have been there during the solstice, with just that extra month for the days to be even longer!
Now I want to go back for a short winter trip to see the northern lights and then for a proper summer trip to see the highlands (closed the whole time we were there for thawing season)
#quara asks#i think my favorite was the puffins i've literally loved them since i was a kid but never seen one#like i had a beloved stuffed animal puffin named puffy whom i played with constantly#and i saw them! EVERYWHERE!#it was a colony of like 8000 and we went at night when theyre all back from hunting at sea and there was just. hundreds#close enough to touch (i obviously didnt) but omg#i watched them for an hour and half and would've gone longer but i really had to pee LOL#theyre so cute....#also loved that i got to see a wild arctic fox! theyre somewhat rare to see because they're secretive
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(ID in alt) I literally said I was gonna post this month's ago and then never had the wherewithal to describe it and so I didn't Lmao (said with pain). But since I'm thinking of opening my commissions I figured I should remind ppl that I. Yknow. Can draw.
Lots of Steph here (I had major art block making all of these and my brain worms for her kept me going) + some sprinkles of stephcass for Cass nation to enjoy!
#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#jason todd#(yes for the teddy bear. it counts)#batgirl#batgirls#mine#< keep forgetting to tag my art as that I'm terrible 😭#ANYHOW I'm slowly getting back into drawing again after my last ipad got nuked (cant think abt that or ill cry) and i finished uni#oh yeah j finished my first year of uni btw. i went to an Olivia Rodrigo concert like a week or 2 ago. I've been busy lol#but yeah it's looking like I've got a fun summer of bottom feeding ahead of me now that I've officially been told i got passed over for that#-comic job i applied for. lol. lmao even#it's fine honestly it was a pretty daunting prospect i just have to find a way to fill the time by myself now#I've plenty of comics to read so that's nice. got wayyy into mark waids DD run recently (mostly for Chris Samnee's art)#so that's been fun! i have my empowered omnibus (embarrassing and kept under my bed <3) i have TT year 1 i have huntress and WW#uhhh i got flash 1 minute war. lots of good stuff!#so hopefully i don't go. completely feral from lack of stimulation#also hopefully commissions will be a thing i can do#godddd there's many mkre things i want to draw. i got too enamoured w my own bad theory and now I've drawn tim!bats#but unfortunately now i only want to draw tim!bats being laughed at my the batfamily bc seriously tim?? really??#< it's literally probably not going to happen but I've invested myself in this terrible future for some reason#imagine damian trying to robin for tim!bats for 1 (one) night and the next morning he doesn't say anything he just moves to bludhaven#he can't take this shit#oh so many ideas...#ANYWAY. ues. finally art. now if you like it. consider commissioning me (in 2 to 3 business weeks <3)#(no pressure)
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something that makes me sad is when people tell me the healthy communication in my writing is "unrealistic."
like guys this is how me and my partner talk with eachother... I'm writing from personal experience...
#like it's sad both on the front of 'dehumanizing my real life'#but also on the front of 'you deserve to have healthy communication in your life'#like if you think this is unrealistic it means more than likely you havent experienced someone being patient and understanding with you#and that makes me very very sad#I'm sorry#also it's just rude to tell me my writing is unrealistic LOL like hey#real people talk all kinds of ways. shut up#I've been told it's also in part cause they always understand their own feelings when theyre talking#but I'm like...#theyre like mid 30-early 40 and theyre immortal and theyre going through a lot of shit#I feel like theyve thought about it a lot#also the comic takes place over the course of a year so far#we're seeing the big moments and the fun mysteries#so#its about grown men who love eachother#sorry that they think about what they want to say before they say it#also as if adam isnt constantly wrong and steve isnt constantly pushing shit down#he's only JUST RECENTLY starting to share his emotions as they come up#instead of pretending theyre not there and letting things boil over#I think people just THINK theyre communicating way too clearly because their partner#who loves them#is listening and responding with kindness#like..#idk I have a lot of thoughts about this#would LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE for this to spark a discussion#and especially for it to cause people to reread a little more critically#and perhaps even introspect on their own ideas of communication standards#I've been with my partner for 10 years. this is how we talk to eachother
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just some 🥥 related sillies i've made for that fic we all know.
#durarara#izaya orihara#shizuo heiwajima#shizaya#a cheap imitation#i made a thing#i've been holding off on posting these here for so long whoops#i'm so shy... check out my lemonade guys#i've been very motivated to make various things for this fic as a result of this book club i've been hosting for my friends#i actually made the first image (not the video) like two years ago?#back around when i first read the fic and started being annoying about it to my friends#never posted it though because the shizuo i drew was ugly!!!#and the shizuo i drew for the second image this time around is still ugly!! unfortunately :(#well anyways if it isn't clear the images are both for chapter 19 while the video is for chapters 28 to 29 and a little bit of 30 lol#also i know izaya's actual problem isn't fucking shizuo but kissing him lol but it was funnier to keep it like this#you can check out more of this deranged behaviour over at my twitter of the same name#i know not everyone wants to go there though especially with the current situation...#so i'll try to bring over the more memorable stuff to post in batches over here which i think is the stuff i did any art for#since i've made a lot of multimedia type things dedicated to particular chapters as “marketing” for my friends#but i'm not sure they'll make much sense out of context so#my plan is to compile all of everything i've made for the fic during the book club into a powerpoint that i'll try to keep for posterity#because ngl i feel i went kinda hard with certain things that maybe only two people will appreciate#but i'll do it for those two people out there#also it's a whole book club for aci!!#*i'd* want to see what some random people have been up to with a book club for this fic#be the change you want to see in the world#side note i wonder if having so many fucking tags on your own post is a bad look...#idk it's so much clutter but i have too many things to say!!#i look back at my own previous tags and i physically can't bring myself to read them ahhhh#i hope anyone's enjoying them anyways
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different interpretations yeah yeah but i really do feel like you are not really seeing oliver for what he is if you actually believe he planned it all from the beginning. like you believe the unreliable narrator? the liar who couldn't even keep up his most important lie? you believe he managed to manipulate everyone from day one? and kept that plan in motion for 16 years? yeah no babe everything that happened was a result of bisexuality, infatuation and/or an undiagnosed personality disorder mixed with a lot of luck, not some genius playing the long game
#saltburn#ollie is not all that smart he is just a demented boyliker who needs to be on like three different medications#he popped the tire because he was infatuated with felix and wanted an opportunity to talk to him (i've been there)#poisoned him bc he'd rather felix die than be rejected by him#then down the line he saw james had died and found a way to worm himself back into saltburn bc he'd spent all those years obsessing over#that summer just like farleigh said he would. lol. lmao even.#farleigh is the only one that saw him for what he was not what he wanted him to be#and that's why oliver needed him gone but couldn't kill him#anyway there are two genders: felixes and farleighs
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Daniel Ricciardo on his Zandvoort crash, surgery on his broken hand, recovery process, and return in Austin
Tom Clarkson: "Now you mentioned the elephant in the room, Zandvoort. FP2, Turn 3, what happened?"
Daniel Ricciardo: "I *awkward laugh*, I mean I obviously can remember it very clearly, since I didn't hit my head. Erm, but, so you come through, turn, I guess it's Turn 2, and it's over kind of a crest, but then you stay quite tight, because, then the line for 3, you ride the top of the banking. So you know, you're not taking a conventional racing line, so you're not like looking at the apex, you're looking at the top of the corner, pretty much. Like, as a driver, we're always looking ahead and normally like at the apex, but the way you exit 2, you then kind of look straight ahead and pick your braking point."
DR: "So at that point, I'd exited 2, I hadn't seen any yellows, nothing like that. And then by the time I've looked and braked, I then looked where I need to turn, and I see Oscar. This all happened so quickly, but I remember, I can, obviously I'm picturing it in my head now. So I remember, okay, the line we take is high and by this point I'd braked, so I'd already committed, so I knew the speed I was going. My only choice was to take the high line, but I could see his car was at the top of the track. So there wasn't enough room for me to pass through the high line. I'm going too fast to take a low line, so it was either, probably look like a real idiot and crash into him, or try and just slow the car as much as I can, and likely just crash into the barriers, which is what happened."
DR: "But yeah, because it was all, I guess I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do, by the time then I'd committed to just going straight, I hadn't then realized, 'okay, take your hands off the wheel.' And a lot of us still don't do it, because crashing is not natural. And it happens so quickly, because you don't plan to crash, so a lot of the time you don't kind of have, yeah, the time to be like, 'okay, I'm crashing, what do I need to do? Brace myself, okay, take my hands off the wheel.' Sometimes you just don't have the luxury of time."
DR: "So, that was it, I hit the wall. I've only watched one replay, but I just don't, I don't want to. Basically, when I've gone in, I'm pretty sure like the right front, it's just the angle, right, the right front would've grabbed the Tecpro [barrier] first, and then that's, like, pulled it in, so it's, it's like I've turned really hard right, the way obviously it's grabbed the wheel. So because the wheels then turned so quickly, I've basically lost grip, so it spun out of my hands, and the bottom of the [steering] wheel, which is pure, hard carbon, has then come up and basically karate chopped my hand."
DR: "So then, you've got the shock of the crash and then adrenaline, so I've come on the radio, and I'd, I think I'd been like, oh sorry, like I've crashed or something. And then, is he like 'oh, you alright?' or 'can you continue?' and I was like, 'no, the car is damaged.' And then, I could feel my hand, and I was like, 'ow, my hand, my hand.' And then I just, it started to, like the pain just went, obviously ramped up really, really quickly, and I feared that something was bad. So, as I'm, I wanted, I was like, 'I need to get my glove off, I need to get my glove off.' And as I'm pulling my glove off, I remember, I was thinking, *awkward huffy laugh*, I was like 'if there's a bone through the skin, I'm gonna pass out.' So that's all, I was just like 'please, please don't let me see anything gruesome.' I'm not good with this stuff, I'm sweating telling it, like I'm serious. I suck at this.
TC: "Have you broken a bone before?"
DR: "I broke my arm as a kid at school, throwing a tennis ball. Anyway, yeah, another very random accident, and I didn't need surgery, that was like a long, long healing process."
DR: "But yeah, so, alright, so I've pulled my glove off, and I, I could see it was already quite swollen, but no bone through the skin. I was like, 'okay.' But then the pain just got so bad, so as soon as I jumped into the medical car, I was *long pause* making a lot of noises, because I was in a lot of discomfort. So I knew that it was not good. I knew immediately, obviously, I wasn't going to race on the weekend. Like I didn't need a doctor to tell me. I feared it was a broken bone. I think the first thing that really kind of just made me sad, was I just had a very, very productive summer break. I felt really, really good physically, and I was just, yeah I was just ready to go. And this just felt like an unfortunate setback. But I was just more worried about surgery and all that, because I'm, again, I'm a bit of a wuss.
TC: "What happened next, I mean, you went down to Barcelona, to Dr. Xavier Mir, who is renowned in the MotoGP world, for mending those sort of breaks. I also think he was, didn't he help Lance Stroll earlier in the year as well?" "Yeah" "So who put you in touch with him, or did you know him already?"
DR: "So from the medical center, we went to the hospital there in Amsterdam. Got scans, and they're like, 'yeah, it's broken.' And by this point, it's the size, like, looked like an elephant stepped on my hand. The doctor there said, 'look, I would recommend surgery.' He's like, 'you can have it here, but you probably want to wait anyway a few days for the swelling to go down. Speak to whoever you need to speak to and obviously you can have your surgery wherever you want, I'm just going to give you my advice.' So then we reached out to Lance, we reached out to, well Jose, a friend of ours who works with Alpinestars, so he knows all the MotoGP guys, and he, he's Spanish as well, so he knows. So he, I think, put us into touch with Xavier Mir, and then, yeah, Lance was like 'go to him' as well. All signs were just pointing to, this guy's done this too many times, just go see him. Like, like don't even bother, just go there.
DR: "So it was, it was a blessing and a curse because, *laughs* he does a lot of MotoGP guys, who, are not human. They are not. It's fact, they are not. So, I think there's an expectation of me going in there, he's like 'oh, F1, MotoGP, same! Not human, don't feel pain.' 'No, doctor, I feel pain. I'm going to cry for the next 48 hours whilst I'm in this hospital.' So it was just funny, they, I think, you know, all the doctors and nurses and that who were helping me, and they were great, but I think they were, they were just quite, they would laugh a lot, because I would wince and pull away and ask questions every needle that went into my arm. Erm, so I think they just thought I would be tough like a MotoGP rider, but I am not."
TC: "I'm sure you were."
DR: "No, no, trust me, I'm not. The break itself was quite significant. It was a shatter, like it wasn't like, oh you just break it clean down the middle. I think it was in eight pieces or something. So it was also, for a bone that can be quite a simple one, it wasn't too pretty."
TC: "So it's your pinky that was being affected by it?" "Erm, well..." "On your left hand?"
DR: "It's like the outside of the hand. So that's the bone I broke, in between like the wrist and the pinky, like that knuckle. So like along the outside there. But even me just rubbing my finger over the top of my hand, hurt like crazy. Maybe I just feel pain more than others, I don't know. *laughs* But er, sorry, I just want to, just let's also say one thing. There was also the reality where, yes, I would moan and complain because I don't like the pain. But it was a broken hand, so there was also a part of me which was like, 'look, dude, yes you're in pain and it's going to be a bit of a process, but people have worse injuries, people have bigger accidents.' So don't get me wrong, I also tried to reality check myself through it all, and I think that's what made me quite, like remain quite positive."
TC: "You missed five races, you came back for Austin. Was there any talk of you getting back earlier, maybe for Qatar?"
DR: "So I knew, I was doing physio every day, and I was, I was doing what I could to come back as soon as possible. But I also wanted to make sure, and I think, you know, Red Bull/Alpha Tauri were really good with this, I wasn't fighting for a world championship, like it's not like, dude you need to just drive through immense pain and just get a point, you know because this is your titles on the line. Like it was, let's make sure you do this and heal properly, and get the right treatment, because also you've got, hopefully a second part of your career which is going to be long and glorious. So it was just, don't compromise anything that you then have a bum hand for the next two years of your career, three years, whatever. So it was good, I could just do it properly."
DR: "Qatar was talked about, I went on the sim the week of Qatar, on the Monday, but I couldn't, er, yet, drive with the full force of the steering, like so we would like bring the feedback down. Er, I just couldn't grip it and do more than like two laps at full strength. So it was very clear that Qatar was out of the question, and also for me to come back and like, yeah, I don't know, not drive at my best and then, no, that no one benefits. I don't benefit, the team doesn't. So er, it was that, at that point we're like, let's just go all in for Austin and make sure I'm good for that."
TC: "And Liam was doing a decent job as well"
DR: "Exactly, he was doing well and there was also, I think Red Bull were great to give me a contract whilst I was injured, to give me a contract for next year. So I, I had that-"
TC: "That was very significant, wasn't it?" "Yeah" "They actually signed you long-term when you were on the sidelines?"
DR: "Yeah, there's so much about being back in the Red Bull family this year that's felt good and right, and I think that was such a, yeah just such like a big thing for them to do that. I think obviously it showed they have a lot of faith in me. It also put to bed if anyone was like, 'oh you know, is there still any issues from their previous relationship years ago? Like is there any carryover tension or whatever?' Like, for them to do that, I think it was very much like, he's our kid and we're going to support him because we believe in him and- So that was really nice."
TC: "So you come back for Austin, and were there any ill effects there? Because I mean, that's a quick track, sector one in particular."
DR: "Er, no, like in, in short no. Erm, I think the race, I got into it quickly and, and, and I was actually honestly expecting more pain in Austin. I was expecting like every kind of bump or kerb I'd hit would be like 'ow, ow, ow.' But it was okay, and erm, I think it was just an endurance I needed to build so like, towards the end of the race, I could feel like my grip strength was maybe not as good as at the start of the race. But honestly, I was, I was fine. And I think that was another thing, I didn't want to get back into a race and then be like, 'yeah I could have done better, but you know, my hand was not up to full strength.' Or like, I was like, this can't be an excuse, and it wasn't, so it was all good."
TC: "And Daniel, you were never going to miss Austin, right?"
DR: "No, I couldn't. I would've loved the result to be better, but no, I couldn't miss Austin.
TC: "The track, the place"
DR: "Yeah, yeah. I love it."
#daniel ricciardo#f1#i've listened to this beyond the grid podcast a few times now and i just need everyone to hear/read this part#he gives so many details about everything that happened including all the pain he felt :(#very much would like to give him a hug#also the broken arm/throwing a tennis ball story is crazy too#he talked about it in another video#i think a red bull on the sofa end of year video#and he said it snapped random because he had a medical issue (but didn't know about it) where his bone had been weakening over time#and it just hit its limit and snapped that day when we went to throw a tennis ball back to some classmates#also i forced myself to change all his ums and uhs and curb to the way he would spell them#i wanted this to be in his voice lol#dutch grand prix 2023#dutch gp 2023#zandvoort#daniel and his broken hand#the image of him crying in the medical car and hospital makes me sad :(
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ok bro so i don't know how to make this post SDJFHSH and say hi hello i missed everyone without being awkward and facing cricket noises since it's been over a year since i’ve logged in LMFAO and ppl still following r gonna be like ??? but .... ASKDUSDL HELLO!!!!! 🙂↕️ to everyone that is still here ... <3
I MISSED YA'LL SM OMG ;---; i hope some of you still remember me so this won’t be too awkward 🙂↕️🙏
on that note!!!! i have returned because i have really bad gojo and isagi brainrot since rewatching/rereading jjk + getting into bllk fr this time LMAOO (also getou and rin... among others but currently mostly those!!) I AM ALSO CURRENTLY REWATCHING BNHA TOO AFTER SO SO LONG AND </3 getting back into that fs... shouto is currently hitting and i have not once thought abt him like that lmfaoo
+ i have so many fics i have completed that i want to post !!! i have been cooking in isolation and after much needed self growth and love in writing <3 ;v; (gojo, isagi, and nanami ones mostly lmaoo AND ALSO A SUKUNA SERIES I WANT TO POST) AND IDK WHAT TO POST FIRST LOL
also bro i want to yap about characters and arcs analysis sm lmao... i've gotten into just. writing analysis of stuff i read and get into -- i might even make a separate blog for that since i'm like heavily into berserk (like really bad bro, i willingly sat and wrote essays for fun during finals week just bc of berserk KJSDFH) and souls games too rn LMAOOO (bg3 as well perhaps if anyone is into that too!! i love shadowheart a lot... 500+ hours... and ow <3 1k+ yikes) i mostly just rlly wanna yap about blue lock and jjk and bnha somewhere even if it's to the void on here lmfaooo
also to the mutuals (that remain... <3) please do not be alarmed if u see me in ur notifs reblogging fics for my current faves and yapping in ur tags 🙂↔️ like in the next few days LMFAO i have been deprived of reading good fic for soooo long bruh and now im like. I NEED TO READ FOR GOJO AND ISAGI SO BAD…. i missed fic so bad...
would ya'll be chill if i posted writing out of the blue here lmao and changed my username ??... it wouldn't be too awkward ?? 🙂↔️ (for the username i will change it in a few days despite my impatience so i give everybody like a chance to get used to me being on their dash so it won't be too alarming LMAOO)
#i am way too lazy to make a new blog from scratch lol#idk how to post its been so long KSJDFHS (ALSO WHY IS TUMBLR SO SKINNY NOW LIKE THE DASH IS SO NARROW IM LIKE CONFUSED LMFAOO???)#also tf r community labels what is this... saw a notif on a dumb shitpost of mine and it is labeled?? as that KJHDSF idk what that means#so much as happened in the past year idek where to start but i am here to stay if u will have me ^_^ <3#as a writer rebirthed or something to that effect LMFAOO bc there has been so much growth and finding peace in writing for me <3#AND I AM NO LONGER SCARED!#HELP IM BEING SO AWKWARD THIS WILL GO AWAY THE MORE I POST I JUST. whew getting this post out into the dash is nerve wracking bro lmfaoo#over a year completely away from tumblr was strange cuz idk how to behave LOL#i do wanna post here so i just wanted to make this post in advance and like greet everyone and interact w everybody so its not too-#-awkward once i start posting writing and reblogging n such LMAOO#and also posting blog maintenance stuff :3#KSJDHF LETS RIP THE BANDAID OFF AS THEY SAY#i am so excited !!!!!#i thought about some of u guys while being away from the app and just kjshdf i hope some of u r still here ;___;#i've also figured my interests n stuff out a lot this past year...#found out im bi gender also so. weeee ...
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*voice of boy who just experienced romantic/sexual attraction for the first time* did you guys see that. that was insane. wdym you live like this
#um?????#i've had “crushes” before but that was just guessing#it wasn't until *checks calendar* two days ago that i discovered what y'all are talking about#that was legit insane#also very proud of my initiative. underneath it all i'm quite bold. got his number (re: asked him if he wanted my number which is much more#fun. also he later told me that it made him blush which is cute) and he danced with me.#and it was such a vibe???#like. i've been flirted with before#specifically a guy asked to dance with me (we were at a dance) and like. i did but it was really not it. i'm very enthusiastic when dancing#and there to have as much fun as i can and he was doing that awkward shuffle step thing and i could tell he wasn't really into dancing and#it felt he was bringing me down. dampening the vibe.#but with this guy we were vibing like crazy. he liked dancing! there was energy! he twirled me! it was insane you guys#also he has the cutest little southern accent#i didn't notice at first but my friend pointed it out to me and y'all it's adorable#got his spotify and we like a lot of the same music too#unfortunately he lives 2-3 states over (depending how you count)#we've been texting though#i met him at my competition so if we both win again i'll see him next year lol#finn says shit
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everyday I think about him (Ippolit Terentyev)
#idk why of all characters he's the one that has left such an impression on me but oh boy#it's been over a year since I've read his 'explanation' and everything that followed and it hasn't left my mind since#ippolit terentyev#the idiot#god all he wanted was some sympathy and recognition#and they just make fun of him#literally all this boy wants is to be taken seriously and no one does#they either laugh at him or beg him to shut up#because his vulnerability and the fact that he's dying makes them so uncomfortable#and he's so ashamed as well over his own vulnerbility#that even when people aren't laughing at him he'll imagine they are#and people blame him for being self absorbed?? like of course he is!!#he's EIGHTEEN and DYING#this is a teenager who's just come to the realisation that he has no agency over his life whatsoever#and that all that awaits him are the cruel laws of nature#he has a right to be upset about that#he's literally the man condemned to death that myshkin talked about#and yes he's ridiculous and awkward and not always right and incoherent and all that#and he can really be insufferable and contemptuous and unfeeling towards others#and even the state he's in doesn't really serve as an excuse for that#yet i feel bad for him#and he's such a teenager too he's so insecure and just wants to impress the people around him#and yes he's doing it for attention#of course he wants attention#can you blame him??#all he wants is to be heard#to feel like his life mattered#but instead everyone's just begging him to shut up#like they're just waiting for him to kick the bucket so the uncomfortable ordeal can be over with#sorry i just have a lot of thoughts about Ippolit and I'm being very incoherent because i didn't plan on typing all this lol
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Oh fuck tomorrow I'm going to be a little birthday boy I keep almost forgetting
#it's probably bc i dont have specific plans im just playing it by ear based on how the newborn will be#(the amount of time I'll be needed w the other kids basically depends on how much sleep the parents got the night before lol)#so i dont wanna be out too late... ahh i miss the club bro i wanna go#i love kids just to be clear which is why i do this but i also think I've gotten any child rearing out of my system#so i dont want my own. in a way it's freeing bc my future will just be for me and i won't have to worry about this stuff long term lol#ah but if I'm free on the 4th theres also something else i wanna do so maybe i shouldn't get drunk anyway#maybe just wait for the next free day 🤷♂️ we'll see#I've been highover BAD though shit lasted until like 8pm the next day. and i had to take the day off w the kids#luckily there happened to be other family there that took over but dude it sucked. i remember trying to help them in the morning like#ok sorry 4 year old trying to find pants i have to lay down in your bed you can do it by yourself i believe in you#so. taking the day off was a good call for their sakes too lol#he was fine just to be clear he could've done it on his own either way. i was just unhelpful 😅 i promise im usually way more attentive
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