#'if you wish to avail of my friendship *or something more* i'm afraid that's no longer possible' there's so many layers of what the fuck
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i'm not even done with the new rwd episode but. spoilers ahead
anyway funny thing. i wasn't like, super on board with the professionals when i was first binging through the first 3 seasons and especially once we got to season 3 i tunnel visioned on VR-LA and MR-SN super hard (as is probably extremely obvious from my art) but like. 4.5?? the exchange they had??? the fucking breakup scene???? yeah. yeah i get it now. i have no idea why or what changed but i have now Gotten It at the worst possible timing. what the hell
#rolling with difficulty#usually i don't tag my rambles but just this once i'm gonna do it i want to share my sadness onto other people#im like too sad to finish rhe rest of the episode but too mad to go to sleep so i'm just sitting here stewing#genuinely i have no idea what made it click for me but like#honestly every part of that conversation hit me like a truck#maxim saying it's rare for adventurers to voluntarily leave that life for 'something greater' - ouch????#like it's so fuckin targeted dear god but also yeah. yeah he would think that huh#vr-la saying he's here as a friend extending a curtesy and maxim immediately being like 'your flattery is unnecessary' like fuck man#'if you wish to avail of my friendship *or something more* i'm afraid that's no longer possible' there's so many layers of what the fuck#'you of all people asking for change' i honestly laughed cuz that's just a good line but also godfuckin dammit#and like just... all of what VR-LA said before he left. like the way neither of them are willing to make enough of a change to get out of th#this unstoppable force vs immovable object situation they're in#they're so like. perfectly in opposition. and it tickles my brain but also DAMN this conversation is painful#god. i hate this /pos#like YES I GET IT NOW BUT ALSO WHY *NOW*#angry and in pain#i guess to some extent it's also like#i've been in that situation where you and a good friend realise your lives are going in irreconcilably different directions#and you want to keep them in your life but it's just not possible with the way you want to live your life and they want to live theirs#and it HURTS and there's NOTHING you can do about it which makes it HURT SO MUCH MORE#fuck. what the hell#especially when the things they'd need to change would also be GOOD for them like maxim embracing change and accepting risks#and VR-LA learing some self-preservation#but at the same time it's like yeah of course they're gonna push each other away rather than change the way they view their lives#i mean both are painful but one of thems clearly easier than the other#i mean speaking from experience one is in fact clearly easier than the other
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Mitsuya put his hands on his hips, the pose he unconsciously always did when he was about to nag, fully on mom mode.
"So?" He asked, an eyebrow arched. Draken run his hands through his head, messing his braid.
"What do you want me to tell you."
Mitsuya sighed.
"Listen, I can't say I didn't see this coming. And I'm happy for you, if you are, because I think this is what you wanted." He looked at him in the eye, with this expression of sympathy Mitsuya made, like he understood everything, that Draken hated sometimes. "But you need to do things right. Does Emma know about this?"
Draken looked away, feeling caught. Shamefully, he shook his head no.
"How could you?" Mitsuya said, crossing is arms, sounding angry. "You know she's in love with you. You're all sweet and attentive with her and then you are kissing her brother-"
"And what about you?" Draken asked in the same voice tone. He felt sick of being lectured about something he already knew was wrong. Coming from Mitsuya, of all people, talking like he had moral level to be talking about siblings. "Does Hakkai know you're going out on secret ice cream dates on the other side of the city with his older brother?"
Mitsuya looked like he had been slapped, and Draken felt bitter satisfaction.
"How do you..."
"How do I know, right? When you're taking all the trouble to not be discovered." Draken smiled and it felt mean on his lips. "I saw you with my own eyes, all friendly with the oldest Shiba."
It was Mitsuya's turn to look away.
"We're not dating. At least, not yet." He admited. Draken was actually surprised to hear Mitsuya recognizing he wanted more than friendship with Hakkai's brother. "Taiju asked me to not tell Hakkai yet. He's working on his relationship with his siblings and doesn't want to make Hakkai think he's taking me away from him or something."
"Hakkai really likes you" Draken said, voice small, his anger quickly appeasing, physically leaving his body as he slumped against the wall.
"I know." Mitsuya had an ironic, sad smile in his lips. "I want Hakkai to know I'm friend with his brother. I want to tell him I think Taiju and I could be... something more. I don't want to be hiding, you know? I feel like, if Hakkai finds out from someone else, he could think I was hiding it from him, and I'm not. I don't want to. I want us to come clean about our feelings and face them. I don't want him to be pining forever when I'm interested in his brother."
Draken felt his chest swelled with pride and admiration to be hearing Mitsuya talking like that. He had to admit, at least to himself, that Mitsuya was the voice of the reason in their friend group for a reason.
He also felt shame washing over him, wishing he could be clear like this with his own feelings, could be honest with the people he loved.
"I know it's hard" Mitsuya said, smiling a little at Draken, who got lost in his thoughts. "I know how it is, I shouldn't have been so harsh with you. I didn't want to make you mad, I'm sorry."
"I'm not mad. At least, not at you" he clarified. "I'm- with Mikey, I- well-"
Mitsuya laughed at Draken's blushed cheeks.
"I know."
"Ugh, now you know everything, don't you?" Draken questioned, exasperated. Mitsuya shrugged, still smiling. "I wish he'd listen to me. I'm... I know I'm-"
I'm in love with him.
"I want him, no one else. I wish he'd stop trying to convince me otherwise."
"Maybe you should stop listening to him and talk with Emma. She deserves to know your heart is... not available for her."
This conversation felt so embarrasing, but Draken could tell he needed it.
"I don't want to hurt her."
"Maybe she's already hurting waiting for you with her hopes up."
Draken looked down.
"I'm afraid of losing Hakkai's friendship. I wonder if he'd still want to be friends when I'm Taiju's boyfriend."
Draken snorted.
"You're so sure you'll be his boyfriend."
"I'lll be" Mitsuya stated, cocky smile and cheeky wink.
Draken wanted to tease him telling him he was being overconfident, but he saw how Taiju was looking at Mitsuya when he found them by coincidence. It was just a matter of time.
"I don't want Hakkai to be mad at me."
"He won't." Draken assured. "He's forgiving his brother for everything he did to him and their sister. How could he be mad at you when you've been nothing but good to him?"
Now it was Mitsuya who looked down.
They fell in a contemplative silence, until Mitsuya soft laughed.
"Please remember exactly what you said and apply it to your situation, okay? Emma would never hate you."
Draken sighed.
"I think Mikey is terrified by the prospect of it." Draken messed up his braid a bit more. "I kinda am, too."
"I think Taiju is afraid of being gay." Mitsuya commented, and Draken found it so funny he laughed out loud.
"He sure is." Draken laughed, thinking about Taiju, his big form and the big cross hanging from a rosary around his neck.
"Draken" Mitsuya started with the same sympathy expression from earlier, but Draken felt comforted now. "I'm always here if you need to talk, okay?" His expression became mischevious. "And I want to be the first who knows when you two become official."
Draken gave him a playful push, feeling flustered thinking about Mikey and him being official. Being boyfriends for the whole world to see.
"I also want to be the first one to know when you become Taiju's boyfriend."
"You won't wait for too long" Mitsuya said smug.
Draken rolled his eyes but smiled nonetheless.
ㅡTell your sibling!
#fanfiction#ao3#drafts#tokyo revengers#tokrev#draken and mitsuya are best friends#doramai#draken x mikey#ken ryuguji#manjiro sano#i love them so much#these two changed the course of my life forever#taimitsu#taiju shiba#mitsuya takashi#emma sano#hakkai shiba#english is not my first language#tell me if i missed anything
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A personal rant
I am so fucking tired of always feeling uninteresting and of fearing people will get tired of me. And of not trusting that my friends won't ditch me or like me less because they meet new people.
I just really wish I could see that people like me for a reason and that I would stop needing constant reassurance that they do, indeed, like me.
My brain is literally like "oh they're talking to you?? Hmmm must mean they have nothing better to do or that their real friends aren't available right now and they're just killing time. It certainly does NOT mean that they enjoy your company or conversation. God forbid!" ALL THE TIME. IT NEVER STOPS.
And I'm so fucking tired of feeling like I'm not allowed to exist. That I don't have a place in this world, in this society, in this fandom. Anywhere!
Deep down, I don't really think I'm uninteresting. I know I'm clever and educated and curious and always willing to learn. And I can even be funny. I've definitely made people laugh before. And I'm kind and compassionate and selfless and loyal to a fault. And I just wish I could feel comfortable enough to be myself. To show people who I am, truly. And not just... Cower in the dark in fear that someone might see me and dislike me. Or worse. That they might like me and then see that there isn't much to like, actually, and get tired of me.
(on a scale of one to ten, how obvious is it that I have a deep-seated fear of abandonment????) (Actually, now that I think of it, it seems very obvious to me that the reason I'm always there for my friend is because I'm afraid they're gonna leave me otherwise. Like, they couldn't possibly want me in their life if I don't bring them something. Like I - me, my person, who I am - isn't enough and that I need to earn their friendship. Hmm. Interesting.)
Also I wish I could make friends more easily. And - and that's very related to what I said before - stop thinking that no one wants to talk to me. Y'all have no idea how many times I've wanted to reply to someone and didn't because my brain convinced me that "no they don't wanna hear from you. Did you look at yourself??! Why would anyone want to talk to you?"
And the fact is that no one talks to me either so it only convinces me even more. And I KNOW - like, logically, I KNOW - that it has nothing to do with me, that people have their own life, their own problems, that others feel the way I do and don't put themselves forward because they think they're a bother and that it is in no way an accurate representation of the way they feel towards me. Unfortunately, as you have probably understood from this senseless post, my brain is anything but logical.
ANYWAY. I hate this part of me. I'm tired of being like that and I'm very aware that I need therapy. I have been for a while. But it's a very big and scary step to take and I'm just a little guy 🥺
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Hi!! I'm a college student about to graduate and my dream is to teach English in China and I was wondering if you could somehow help me and give me some advice. I have been studying Chinese during my years at university (and I love your blog!), along with my physics degree. I don't know if any of this is relevant but my level of Mandarin is not very high (HSK3), I study in the UK and I'm planning to get a TEFL 120 hour certification in June. Is this a solid plan? Love your blog, Isa
Hiii! Sorry it took me so long to get to this, I have my final exams at the moment and am on semi-hiatus. First, what an amazing dream!! You'll have a wonderful time :D
SO in general having a degree not in English language and a TEFL certificate is most definitely enough to secure you a job, but at the moment it is a rather 'special period', as every job advert says, and so finding a job is a little trickier because of visa problems.
Basically, there are no work or study visas available at the moment for people from the UK. The only people who can get into China are those who the Chinese Embassy deems 'foreign experts' and therefore 'crucial to China's progress', and your company or school will have to provide something called a PU letter. This grants you the ability to actually apply for the work visa, though itself doesn't grant it. At the moment there aren't that many companies available who can offer that.
Because of this, I'd recommend going through a recruitment company. I do not necessarily mean a graduate scheme (the ones advertised as such are not very well paid and you don't have much control over where you go), but a recruitment company. You can find these on any general site if you google 'ESL jobs China'.
In terms of actual jobs - generally speaking there are three categories, private language schools, state schools, and international schools. International schools are by far the best in terms of packages, but they rarely take graduates without 3 years of teaching experience. The good news is that if you do find somebody who is looking for recent grads (if you go to a particularly prestigious university like Oxbridge, for instance), you might be able to teach Physics or Science rather than English language. International schools will also be the easiest to deal with in terms of communication and visa applications, but the competition is quite stiff, and most people who apply will be teachers in their home countries already.
State schools are another good option if you want 'normal' teaching hours, good holidays, and older children. The position I have next year is in a good state school that has two programs, the Canadian curriculum and the GaoKao (the Chinese university entrance exam). The main disadvantage is that you may be the only foreigner in the school, and communication might be difficult. I don't just mean with Chinese but in general: you will be not told things, you will be excluded, you will turn up to your class and find someone else teaching it and be told just to go back to your office. If you can be flexible and have an open mind, state schools are great, but they may be quite exhausting especially if this is your first time in China. You will also have to teach to exams, and the curriculum might be tight. For me personally though, I would much rather teach in a state school than the next option -
Which is private language schools. These are very good - sometimes. This is the main problem: the quality of the schools, the teaching, and the ethos all vary from school to school. You may be teaching very young children, and you may be teaching exclusively in the evening. The schools may be very supportive of creativity in the classroom, or you may be literally forced to teach the flashcards they give you. The plus about these schools is that they often have competitive relocation packages, are not too bothered about how experienced (or not) you are, and that there will be a community of other English speaking colleagues (natives and not) to help you integrate.
The reason I add this is that it's so, so important. It's very laudable and easy to wish for immersion and want to make Chinese friends - and you should!! - but living in another country without easy access to internet you are used to can be exhausting at times and even the staunchest believer in immersion is going to be stressed and tired and teary far from home. Having colleagues who want to improve their English can also be a good basis for a (somewhat awkward at first) friendship.
Some general tips: brush up on your English grammar. Seriously. Because the amount of teachers who have no idea and bluff their way through it is shocking and disrespects those who try very hard to make it a proper profession. Also having students ask you when you use the present perfect continuous and the present perfect simple and not knowing the answer is a very special kind of pain!! I'd recommend bringing a reputable grammar book with you, and using it when making your lesson plans.
Re Chinese: if you already have a little, your Chinese will improve so much when you're there!! Don't stress about it because China is a wonderful environment for learning - it's literally perfect, few people speak English and EVERYBODY wants to speak to you as many people are direct and very curious - but at the same time, the more you can learn, the easier it will be. Don't neglect your characters!! Learning useful menu characters and signs will be hugely helpful too. You won't need Chinese in your job really, but you definitely will in your daily life, so well done for learning and keep at it!!
The other thing I would say is: sort out your music and your social media and your banking before going to China. This includes a good VPN. You can't download apps on the google App Store, and to make the transition to the Chinese internet easier, I'd recommend getting a Weibo account, any music app, Baidu translate and maps and so on, and accustoming yourself to that before going.
Re where you are going and the package: you should have your flight paid, help with your visa, and transparency about quarantine procedures. You should also have accommodation or an accommodation allowance of between 2000-5000 (2000 is more than fine). Public or international schools may pay for your food during school-time as well. Re cities: prioritise what is important to you. If you want to save, bear in mind that China is extraordinarily cheap and that even in places like Shanghai, you can still save a lot if you live somewhat sensibly. To give you some context: I lived in Tianjin, a second-tier city, and I got 'pocket money' of 2000 every month (with accommodation and food paid), and I managed to save enough to do martial arts for a month at an academy after 5 months. And I was living well - going out about twice a week, taking taxis, eating out almost every evening (cheap food). So don't prioritise one position over another solely because of money, and also bear in mind kindergarten teachers may only be getting about 2000-3000 a month - so regardless of whether you earn 10,000 or 15,000, it's a) SIGNIFICANTLY enough to live very well and save very well too, and b) considerably more than many of your coworkers will be earning.
Also, different cities have different costs of living: 10,000 somewhere like Hangzhou will go considerably further than 16,000 in Shanghai. Another thing to bear in mind is the air quality, and the environment, and the access to green spaces. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THIS. If this is important to you, go somewhere smaller or in the south with access to nature - I nearly went crazy living in such a big city with such poor air quality. The positions I had to choose between were one in Shanghai, better paid and at a better school, and a position in Zhuhai in a campus in the mountains, in a third-tier city by the sea. I know now how important green is to me, how much I prefer a more relaxed pace of life, and so I chose the latter.
Lastly, don't be intimidating and don't be afraid to ask questions about your job. Make sure that everything they say is in the contract, in both the English version and the Chinese version. This is important because only the Chinese version is legal, so if you have a friend, get them to check that the same stuff is in each bit of the contract. Communication might be difficult, but don't be afraid to be direct and press for answers, don't just accept what you're told. You might be messed around with a bit, so it's important to 'shop around' for positions - don't feel bad if you do so, and don't be afraid to turn things down that don't suit. Finally, don't feel terrified if you can't find information about a school online - a lot of stuff isn't on Google, and will also be better accessed via WeChat or mini programs. Not finding information about your school or city does not mean it doesn't exist!!
So be prepared for a wild ride - and enjoy! If you have any more questions about any of this, please feel free to ask at any time!
meichenxi out :P
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Hi, thank you for your blog and all you share. I just want to get this off my chest to someone who might understand. I'm 27 and just came out a few years ago. I really wish I had older lesbians in my life. They are everything I was told I couldn't/shouldn't be... to think of knowing an older lesbian woman as a mentor/friend/lover seems so wonderful to me, but I get *so* shy and intimidated whenever I see them that I'm unable to try and make a connection. Do you have any advice? Thank you.
The thing about older lesbians.. we are still people and lesbians just like you but with more years behind us. We can be as diverse as any population. Some of us gained wisdom and some of us never learned. Some of us are shy and others outgoing.
It is normal to be nervous around anyone you have attraction to and I am not talking only romantic or sexual, but friendship wise as well. When we like someone we want them to like us back so there is that added pressure of wanting to impress them or at the very least, not scare them off.
I think older women are often just as nervous about meeting younger women as you are about approaching them. We can feel like we can’t relate or that we have nothing to offer but the fact is we always have something to offer each other as lesbians. The sharing of experiences and stories from all ages, listening and looking through new eyes can be a life enhancing effort.
The first step.. say “hello”. If you meet them on line or in person don’t be afraid to tell them you are looking to increase your lesbian community and friendships. Many older lesbians are used to one on one communication (from the old days of no real internet interaction) so they will be okay being approached. The worst than can happen is they say “no” the best is you have a new friend.
I have a wide range of lesbians friend from all over the US. If you ever want some help locally DM and I might be able to direct you to some lesbians near you. Also, subscribe to Lesbian Connection (www.lconline.com). It is free to lesbians and available in a PDF and mail version. It is only quarterly but you can find out about festivals and other happenings in the lesbian world and network
In my early 20′s I was desperate for lesbian interaction and through my first girlfriend I met a huge circle of lesbians older than me and my age and they changed my life. Those older lesbians introduced me to a whole culture and community that I was unaware even existed. As a lesbian you have a built in support system and you just need find it.
A few minutes of nerve wracking bravery can all be worth it.
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Just call me 🐅. Use whatever reading you feel is most appropriate. What is preventing me from making long lasting friendships?
Hey 🐅! I'm using tarot for your reading this evening. Sorry about the strange lighting, it got too dark pretty fast tonight so I've got my ceiling light on.
We have the 8 of wands reversed, 3 of pentacles reversed, knight of swords reversed, ace of swords reversed, and the 5 of pentacles,
The 10 of wands reversed, queen of wands reversed, 9 of cups reversed, 7 of swords reversed, and the 5 of swords reversed,
The Knight of cups, 9 of pentacles, 7 of cups + the Tower in reverse on the bottom of the deck.
So 🐅, I can tell you right off the bat it isn't a grand-scheme-of-things sort of issue – ie fate isn't holding you back.
What I see here is that you lack clarity as to how to work on your friendships, even as you start them pretty easily. You click with some people quickly, but it drops off after a while – no new messages. You're fast about trying to figure out why, and analyzing your actions and their actions and what was going on.. But it isn't always that something really went 'wrong' or that you weren't meant to be friends. It's just that there aren't foundations being built.
You don't want to give your whole self away, there's resistance to sharing your burdens with others and lightening your load even by talking. You want to present the most presentable self, the best version of you - but the way you define your 'best' is not something that can be connected with. You keep your troubles and all the unpalatable parts of yourself away, at the cost of being available to others in a way they can understand as people with unpalatable parts and troubles themselves.
You don't have to be your 'best' all the time to be worth talking to. You don't have to be the one to give someone their wishes to be their friend, you don't have to be something more than what you are to be spending time around others in your social spaces. Don't overthink it when you want to reach out to someone – send more messages out, be the first one to make contact consistently, send silly things even if you think it might not be 'worth saying' or might not be a 'good enough conversation starter'.
Dimming yourself down so you don't shine for fear of it being an ugly light takes away the warmth that draws others to you. You have that warmth, but it's like you are worried about the value of it in terms of how others will perceive you – and this stops you from taking a lot of opportunities to just talk and be around others.
Give out yourself more even if it is 'ugly' or 'not the best' you can offer, because you can't offer your best every time you need friends and connection and warmth – you're human and you don't have to be better than human. Take the initiative, because the problem here is simply that: no new messages. Not giving out is stopping you from building those foundations that give friendships meaning and keep them from drifting out to sea after sharing an interest for a month or two.
Commit to growing with others and taking your pick of the many options you have around you – be spontaneous! And stop assuming that others are not interested based off of them not taking that initiative – they might need to see a bit more interest from you, too, to feel comfortable showing their own vulnerable sides. Connection is vulnerability, after all, and we always seem to want others to show themselves first as we test the waters.. Be willing to be the one to show up first.
This is probably something that will rock the boat for you inside, to be more present regularly – and to fight off the nagging feelings of rejection and loneliness and 'what-if this is not something worth bothering, I do not want to be a bother' to do so. But it'll get you further than you'd think, cuz you're not at a brick wall – you're at more of a door you're afraid to open because you worry that what's on the other side might not like what it sees when you cross through.
Whatever you take from this, I hope that it helps you, and I'm wishing you all the best. You'll get there. Thank you for letting me read for you, 🐅! ^v^
Free readings are still open, tip jar can be found here: 🍯🧸
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Burn
*Loki x reader*
Parts: Drabble/Oneshot
Words: 1.7k
Summary: Loki witnesses an incident in the library that makes it all the harder for him to keep his feelings for you a secret. Until he can't any longer...
A.N.: This was part of Someone to you! I cut it out because it didn't fit the story anymore, then planned on using it in Being Human, but that also didn't really fit... So here it goes as a drabble! Enjoy 💗
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One late autumn night, it was still a few hours too early for your usual visit to Loki's room for your daily conversations about just everything, he was looking through the library in search of a new read that wouldn't bore his mind into oblivion. Sauntering through the aisles had become somewhat of a habit of his, the darkness of the room and the presence of so many impeccable pieces of literature had a calming effect on his constantly troubled mind. And it distracted him from the very strong and very irritating feelings he'd started to develop for you over the course of your friendship. Every night you came to visit, it would lead the god into a spiral of excitement, joy and irritation, for he just did not know what to make of these new and dangerously strong emotions for you.
He picked up a book with sixteenth century French poetry, flipping through the pages without actually looking at the words (he'd read them before anyway), when he heard the large doors being pushed open rather forcefully.
"Look, I know it's none of my business, but… it is my fucking business." Tony snapped, but Loki could see neither him nor the person he was talking to from behind the many aisles of books.
"It's really none of your business." You replied coldly, making Loki rise his eyebrows to himself in surprise. Maybe it wasn't the nicest thing to snoop on your conversation… but he was still the god of mischief after all.
"It is my business if it happens in my house!" Stark protested loudly and Loki inevitably rolled his eyes.
"This isn't your house, Tony. It's the Avengers base, and if you like it or not, he is one of you." Your voice sounded so harsh, so determined… unlike anything Loki had ever heard from you. To him, you were always so heartmeltingly kind, so fragile inside out that he didn't even know if you possessed what it took to be of serious assistance in battle.
"He is here because we need Thor, and that was the absolutely only reason I agreed to let him stay." Tony sighed. So this was about Loki himself, after all… "If it wasn't for Thor, Loki would be locked up in a cell in the basement. And he will be, the moment he lays a hand on you."
"You have absolutely no right to decide that… Don't forget who you are talking to, and be careful who you talk about." You hissed back at the man of iron, and Loki's heart did a strange and overwhelming fluttering thing that it hadn't ever done before. Was it odd that he found this harsher side of you irresistibly attractive?
"But you do? Is that why you're sneaking into his room every night? To hook up with him because no one else is available and…" Tony didn't get to talk on, his words disrupted by a muted, strangled noise that made Loki frown. Now he simply couldn't resist the temptation to see what was going on anymore, and he peaked around the corner of the bookshelf. What he saw indeed caused his lips to part and his eyes to widen inevitably.
"Don't EVER dare speaking to me like that again." Your voice echoed through the entire room as Stark floated motionlessly mid-air in between the bookshelves, unable to move or even speak. Yet, you hadn't even lifted a finger, nor spoken a word. You merely stood still, relaxed as ever, watching the man in front of you hanging in the open space. "You are one of the very few people in this world who know exactly who I am and what I am capable of and I expect you to behave accordingly. When I ask you to leave Loki alone, you will do it. When I ask you to stop mocking him, you will do it and when I ask you to trust my judgement, you will do it AT ONCE. Understood?"
With a loud thud, Stark dropped to the floor, breathing heavily.
"Yeah yeah, I got it. Reindeer Games is all yours." He replied, out of breath, and Loki's immediate thought was that he would give anything to be yours indeed.
"Don't call him that. He doesn't like it and thus I do not like it." You said calmly, moving further along the shelves, making Loki hide further back behind his own. What by all the gods had just happened?! You'd been introduced to him as an assistant for the team, someone to deal with all the PR and the sorts… someone mortal and without powers. Loki got the impression that he'd been lied to, very boldly and very WELL indeed. Otherwise he'd been able to tell something was off weeks ago… Lying to the god of lies was such a bold move that it made him smirk as his adoration for you grew infinitesimally.
"C'mon Y/n, I'm not stupid… You keep defending and protecting him, and you're the only one he talks to at all. He even keeps protecting you too, in his own, weird, Loki way. You two clearly are more alike than either of you cares to admit. I just don't get what draws you to him. He's evil, and very much dangerous and…" Stark rambled and you turned around to glare at him in a mere second, making him jump and apologize immediately. "Sorry! Sorry… please don't try to kill me again."
"I am dangerous as well, Tony. You better don't forget that." You replied easily, and a wave of pure power radiated off of you so intensely that even Loki could feel it. It made him shiver and his heart race like mad, while his entire being longed to be close to you. To make you his. Not because of your only now obvious mightiness, even though that was definitely hotter than should be allowed, but because of YOU. He'd been bewitched by you a long time ago, in a way he hadn't understood until now. But now, he saw that behind all the power, it was indeed you he craved. You that had gotten him addicted. Not power, not might… He'd fallen for you.
For another few minutes he kept hiding behind the bookshelf, listening in on the conversation, but found nothing to be remotely interesting about it anymore. Only once Stark excused himself and made his way out of the library, Loki paid more attention to his surroundings again… were you still here? He couldn't hear a thing and thus peaked around the corner of the aisle of shelves once more… nobody there.
"Snooping isn't very polite, now, is it?" Your calm voice spoke up from right behind him, making Loki jump horribly.
"Damn Y/n…" The words slipped past his lips before he could stop them as he spun around to face you. "I tend to stab people who scare me like this! Do you want to risk that?"
"I'm fairly sure you couldn't stab me even if you tried." You grinned at him smugly, standing way too close for Loki's heart to calm down even remotely. "Though I wish you didn't have to find out like this… Find out that I'm…"
"Absolutely incredible?" He finished your sentence with a smirk of his own.
"I meant to say a terrifying freak, but thanks for the flattery." You chuckled bitterly, averting your beautiful eyes from his.
"Why would you say that?" Loki's smirk vanished the second he saw the doubt, the disgust in your eyes, the same expression he had seen so many times in the mirror. "Why didn't you tell me before?"
"Because it's true. I'm a monster... I can hurt people without blinking an eye, kill them with a single thought. Toy with their minds, hell, with all of reality like handful of fucking clay." You spat in utter disgust and Loki's heart clenched painfully. How could you, the most enchanting creature in creation say something so cruel about herself?
"I think that's amazing." He blurted out before he could stop himself. "You… You're amazing."
Your eyes shot up to meet his in an instant, filled with a new emotion Loki couldn't quite put his finger to. "You're not repelled by it? By me?"
"Never." He offered you a small smile, taking an involuntary step closer to you. "You've not seen true monsters, darling. But I have, and I can assure you that you're very far from that."
"So you're not at all scared by the fact that I could kill you right on the spot?" You rose an eyebrow at him, while your gaze stayed fixed on his so intensely that Loki felt a pleasant shiver run down his spine as every nerve within his body was on high alert.
"I've always been one to play with fire." He smirked down at you as he stood towering right in front of you now. Gods, you had long ago captured his mind and soul with your enchanting self, and obviously the rest of him was to follow now.
"Aren't you afraid to get burned?" You asked in a breath, a single finger reluctantly brushing against his hand.
"I'm a frost giant, darling. It takes one hell of a lot for me to burn." He chuckled deeply, capturing your hand in his before you could pull your fingers back. A small gasp escaped your lips as they parted at the contact, your eyes wide as they dug deep into his soul. For a second both of you remained silent, faces only inches apart as the tension threatened to suffocate Loki.
Finally your lips parted yet again to reveal the softest of words into the minimal distance between you. "Burn with me, Loki…"
In half of a heartbeat every doubt vanished from his body. He needed you to be his and his alone, and he needed to be yours in return. Half a heartbeat later he had you pinned against the large bookshelf behind your back, relishing the small gasp you let escape before his lips met yours in a kiss filled with the passion and the desire of multiple hundred sleepless nights. Filled with the promise of a shared eternity yet to come.
_______________________________
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#loki#loki imagine#loki x reader#loki x you#tom hiddleston imagine#tom hiddleston x reader#tom hiddleston fanfiction#tom hiddleston#tom hiddleston x you#loki of asgard#loki (marvel)#loki fanfic#loki odinson#loki laufeyson#loki friggason
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Helpless
Kagami called to him and he went. He didn't need a reason, it simply was.
But if he was to attempt to explain it...
Perhaps it had to do with her honesty. Adrien never met anyone who spoke her mind like Kagami. She wasn't afraid of putting anyone in their place. If she wanted something she was upfront about it. Direct in her desires, expectations, needs.
It was impressive. Adrien wished he knew what he wanted the way she did. Wished he knew himself as well as she seemed to.
Or maybe it was her kindness. Kagami was like a rose. Sharp, protective thorns that didn't diminish her beauty in the slightest. In fact, they added to it. She often kept her true thoughts hidden behind a veil of stoicism.
Some mistook her bluntness for apathy. Called her 'cold'. Adrien knew better. She felt so deeply! Possessed of a great passion that burned those that stood against her. But her inner life was precious, sacred. She would not share it with just anyone.
No, only those she deemed worthy would be allowed past her veneer. Only they would have the privilege to see her in full bloom.
That is not to say they couldn't catch glimpses. If they were paying attention.
Particularly, during fencing matches. Kagami was a force to be reckoned with. Her movements fluid and precise. Never overextending herself, laser focused, and always giving her all.
It was never half anything with Kagami. Adrien was captivated by the heat of her intensity. It was exhilarating.
Adrien was helpless against her.
Adrien called and she went. No reason was needed, that's just how it was.
And Kagami knew why.
His honor was incredibly important to him, though Adrien would not describe it that way. It pushed him past his comfort zone to chase after her. In implied if not explicit contradiction of his instructor's desires.
All because he would not accept an unearned victory. And wanted a fair match against her. Kagami was surprised... and intrigued.
His warmth flowed freely to any who approached him. Even if he didn't know how to go about it, Adrien always tried. Despite his placid demeanor there was an inner storm that thundered with his strength.
He kept it well hidden but every now and then some upstart breeze would push too far. And Adrien would push back.
Kagami longed to see him use more of his storm.
But strength was not the only thing he hid. No, there was a deep sorrow Adrien only showed a handful of his friends. Only with them did he allow himself to be vulnerable.
Yet, that too was a strength. In spite of the shadow that hung over him Adrien continued to shine so brightly. Continued trying to give others some of the light he'd been given.
Kagami was helpless against him.
Adrien parried and counterattacked. To no avail. She was ready for him.
Her body was a finely tuned instrument. Honed since childhood in the art of the blade. And -Adrien sometimes suspected- specifically designed to make him look like an amateur.
Kagami scored another hit and they retook their positions. Adrien grinned as his competitive side demanded equal retribution.
He lunged, she dodged, they clashed. Their fencing match became a dance of flashing steel and mirrored grace. Adrien could feel his heartbeat in his chest and Kagami seemed much the same.
Their matches were something he enjoyed greatly. Two combatants on equal footing. Attempting to win with nothing but their skill and determination. And a sword.
She moved so quickly he didn't know what happened until it was over and he was on his backside.
He looked up at her as Kagami removed her helmet. Her face flushed with exertion and the rush of victory. She smirked at him.
Adrien was grateful for the fencing mask as his own face flushed with a different kind of rush. She offered her hand and he took it. As he always would.
The akumatized villain shot another beam at Ryuko.
A black blur tackled her out of the way and they tumbled to the ground.
"Careful!" Chat Noir admonished. "You almost got your whiskers singed!"
She accepted his help to stand up before grabbing him and jumping out of the way of another attack. "You were saying?"
"Don't rush headfirst at the cyborg with laser cannons?" he offered.
She leapt to the rooftops to avoid more lasers. "I was unaware he had a laser cannon!" Ryuko defended herself.
"Big cannon shaped thing on his right arm! Can't miss it!"
"Are you really one to educate others on the dangers of recklessness?"
"Of course!" He replied, preening, his previous worry and irritation vanishing as quickly as they came. "I'm this team's foremost expert on recklessness!"
Why? Why was he so endearing? Ryuko wondered if her own inclination to jump first was partially responsible for how quickly their friendship had formed.
Chat Noir glanced down briefly before grinning cheekily. "You can put me down now."
Ryuko blushed lightly before complying.
Ladybug swung next to them carrying a red and polka dotted bowling ball. "Okay! I know what to do!"
"All ears, Ladybug!" Chat Noir stated.
Ryuko nodded. "I have yet to use any of my powers."
Ladybug grinned. "Here's what we're gonna do..."
The akumatized villain was rather tall, covered in high-tech armor. It was almost impossible to approach him head on due to his beam weapon and his visor alerted him whenever they tried to sneak up on him.
"Resistance is futile!" The villain called as he used his rocket boots to jump over a bus. "Your Miraculous will belong to Papillon before the day is out."
"Gee, that sounds familiar!" Chat Noir called from the middle of the street, tapping his chin, completely exposed. "Oh, I know! That's from every akumatized supervillain ever! Didn't turn out well for them won't turn out well for you, rustbucket!"
"My name is-"
Before the villain could finish Chat Noir split his baton in two and sent one straight at the Rogercop knockoff. The villain jumped over the baton and fired at the cat hero. Chat Noir blocked the attack by spinning his staff.
Ladybug took this opportunity to roll her Lucky Charm right where the villain was landing.
"Wind Dragon!" Ryuko whirled around the cyborg as he landed on the bowling ball. He spun faster and faster on the sphere. The villain's metal frame was excellent for protection. But it limited his mobility and flexibility.
He fell on his back with a crash as Ryuko reformed beside him. She doubted he could get up easily.
He looked at her standing over him. "Always keep an ace up your sleeve." A small orb shot out of his left arm. It beeped loudly.
Ryuko's eyes widened as it glowed and-
A silver pole zoomed past her shoulder and struck the orb, pushing it away from her as it burst into sickly green light. Chat Noir retracted his baton, the tip smoking.
Snapping back into action Ryuko slashed the villain's right arm cannon, releasing the akuma. She turned to her cat themed teammate just as he enveloped her in a hug.
"Chat Noir?" She asked worriedly.
Tensing, he stepped back. "I-" He cleared his throat. "I'm glad you're okay."
"Miraculous Ladybug!"
Ryuko smiled reassuringly as the ladybugs repaired the damage and returned the akumatized victim to wherever he needed to be.
Only to be surprised by a second hug from the other half of Paris's unstoppable duo. "I am fine!" Ryuko reassured Ladybug.
"Just making sure," Ladybug stated as she let go. She held out her fist and Chat Noir did the same.
Ryuko smiled at her teammates. Her eyes drifting back to Chat Noir. She couldn't put her finger on it but there was something familiar about him.
Some pull that made her laugh even at his worst puns. That drove her to protect him as Ryuko protected Ladybug. She bumped fists. Maybe it was his dedication that caused her to meet him as he rose.
"Bien joue!"
Either way, Chat Noir was as important to her as she was to him.
@adrigami-week
#adrigami week#adrigami#adrimi#adrimiweek2019#adrigamiweek2019#adrimidecweek#adrigamidecweek#adrien x kagami#adrien agreste#kagami tsuguri#chat noir#ryuko#marinette dupain cheng#ladybug#ml fanfiction#ml fanfic#ml fic#ao3 fic#ao3#ao3 fanfic
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Hiiii! Since I also absolutely adore the way you write angst and I'm such a Cashton hoe, could you maybe do A11+38 for them? Thank you!!! Love you 😍😍
Hiiii sweets! 💗 you’re honestly so lovely! You know I’m a hoe for malum angst so I hope you enjoy this! (Please don’t hate me too much for the cliffhanger ending 😅)
A11 “I don’t want to be just friends.”
A38 “I’m in the hospital.”
The phone call he’d shared with Michael about a half hour ago is still echoing in Calum’s mind as he navigates his car through the city streets. One sentence in particular seems to play on repeat, tightening the knot off anxiety in Calum’s stomach more each time - ‘I’m at the hospital.’
This just isn’t like Michael at all... He’s not the type to go out and get wasted before starting fights with random guys in bars. Something must be causing him to act out like this and Calum’s determined to get to the bottom of it.
The car park for the accident and emergency centre is predictably busy and Calum has to drive around it a couple of times before he finds an available parking space.
As soon as he’s parked up, Calum hastily sprints over to the brightly lit entrance. It’s the early hours of Saturday morning so of course the waiting room is full of people who’d taken their Friday night fun a little too far.
It takes a moment, but Calum finally spots Michael slouched in one of the uncomfortable chairs in a corner near the reception desk. His heart immediately starts to ache at the sight of his best friend. Even from this distance, it’s clear that Michael’s taken quite a beating. He hurries over as quickly as possible, the urge to cuddle his best friend becoming almost overwhelming.
Michael glances up just as Calum finishes battling through the crowd around the reception desk. Despite his obvious intoxication, the slightly older man looks a little embarrassed and ashamed as wraps his arms around himself protectively. “I’m sorry, Cal.” He says bashfully. “I didn’t wanna call you but...”
Calum cuts the blonde’s sentence short by wrapping him into a loving hug. He knows that Michael’s been stupid tonight, that he’s dealt with whatever pain he’s feeling in entirely the wrong way. Calum’s not going to lecture him about it, though, not tonight. He’s known Michael long enough to realise what sort of care he requires in any given situation. “I’m glad you called me.” Calum reassures gently before pulling back to take a closer look at his friend’s injuries.
Up close, bruises on Michael’s face look even nastier. There’s a white bandage taped over the lefts side of his forehead, presumably covering a cut or graze of some sort.
The blonde man seems to get uncomfortable under Calum’s concerned gaze and he bristles slightly. “Can we go now?” He asks, his voice quite and groggy.
Calum nods, gripping his friend’s arm gently to help him to his feet. “Let’s get you home, buddy.”
Michael winces slightly and Calum pulls back, worries that he’s unintentionally caused Michael more pain. “I’m sorry!” He gasps, “did I hurt you?”
The blonde shakes his head before unsteadily rising to his feet. He sways a bit, but luckily he doesn’t overbalance.
Calum stays close to Michael as they begin to pick their way through the crowd towards the exit, ensuring he’s within touching distance should his friend need any help.
Michael seems relieved when he finally steps out into the cool night air. A little of the tension leaks out of his shoulders as the breeze tussles his hair.
“You wanna tell me what happened?” Calum asks tentatively as he gestures vaguely in the direction of his parking space.
Shrugging, Michael hugs himself, seemingly to protect his bare arms from the chill.
Without thinking about his own comfort, Calum slips off his leather jacket and wraps it around Michael’s shoulders. The blonde fixes him with an almost startled glare, almost like he never expected such a kind gesture from Calum. That couldn’t be true, though... They’re best friends and they do stuff like this for each other all the time.
“I met a guy.” Michael confesses, dropping his gaze, and seemingly to hide his embarrassment from Calum, begins to fiddle with a strand of his fringe.
Calum tries hard to ignore the knot of jealousy tightening in his chest. It’s been happening more and more often lately but he was too afraid to tell anyone about it.
“We made out a lot...” Michael continues. “We got an Uber back to his place...”
“Wait...” Calum gasps, stoping I’m his tracks. “I thought you’d just gotten into a bar fight I didn’t know...”
Michael shakes his head. “It wasn’t a bar fight.” He confirms sheepishly. “The guy had a fucking husband, Cal. The fucker saw us through the window, ran outside and just laid into me.”
Despite his almost consuming envy boiling beneath Calum’s skin, he manages to push his concern for Michael to the forefront of his mind. “Why would he have taken you to his place if his husband was there?” He asks, worried that the tightness in his tone would alert Michael to Calum’s simmering jealousy.
“He was meant to be out of town until tomorrow.” Michael replies. “Apparently I was about to be the latest in a long line of people this guy fucked behind his husband’s back.” He punctuates his sentence with a humourless laugh.
“That’s no excuse for him beating you up, Mike!” Calum huffs, his envy morphing into anger. “I wish you’d called sooner, I’d...”
“I deserved it, Cal.” Michael grumbles. “I mean wouldn’t you beat someone up if they were trying to sleep with your husband?” The blonde still sounds drunk but his tone also takes on a note of exhaustion.
“No!” Calum blusters irritably, opening his car door and sliding inside. “I’d leave the cheating scumbag to fuck whoever he wanted.”
As Michael slides into the passenger seat, he pulls Calum’s jacket a little tighter around his shoulders. “It’s not that easy when you’re in love with someone, though.”
Calum makes a disgruntled sound as he starts the engine and turns up the heat, wanting to warm Michael up a bit before they go anywhere. “I guess I’ve never been in love, then.” He shrugs.
“Figures...” Michael scoffs, leaning his bruised cheek against the passenger window.
Calum doesn’t like the flippant tone in Michael’s voice and his growing anger at the whole situation makes it impossible for him to keep his mouth shut any longer. “What’s that supposed to mean?!” He snaps. “I’ve loved people!”
“You’ve always been too self involved and probably too scared to properly allow yourself to fall in love.” Michael explains calmly.
“Fuck you, Mike! I don’t have to listen to this...” Calum frowns indignantly. “I come to fetch you from hospital in the middle of the night because you apparently can’t keep your fucking legs closed for two seconds!”
Surprisingly, Michael doesn’t get angry and snap back the way that he usually would. He simply flinches a little at Calum’s raised voice, a hurt expression covering his pale face.
Feeling immediately guilty for allowing such a nasty comment to slip past his lips, Calum reaches out to touch Michael’s shoulder comfortingly. “I’m sorry, Michael.” He whispers into the sudden and tense silence.
“I just wanted to feel something.” Michael admits, curling in on himself a bit. He looks small wrapped in Calum’s jacket and the younger man has an almost overwhelming urge to pull him into a tight hug. “It’s nice to feel wanted.” The blonde continues. “Especially when the person you really want either doesn’t care about you in that way, or is totally oblivious to your feelings.”
A whole flurry of emotions fill Calum’s sleepy brain as he fixes Michael with what he hopes is a concerned gaze. “Maybe you should talk to that person, then?” He advises, not knowing how else to further the conversation.
“It’s too dangerous.” Michael replies. “I can’t tell him how I feel without jeopardising our whole friendship.”
There’s a vulnerability in Michael’s eyes that Calum hasn’t seen for a long time. It makes him forget all of his anger and jealousy, he just wants to be there for the person he cares for most in the whole world. The younger man moves his hand from Michael’s shoulder to cup his cheek gently. “Then talk to me, I’m your best friend.”
Tears starts to well in Michael’s pretty green eyes as he leans into Calum’s touch. “You really don’t get it, do you?” He asks, his voice thick with emotion. “I don’t want to be just friends with you anymore, Calum.” He finally meets Calum’s gaze, albeit nervously. “You’re the one that I can’t tell because it’s you I want, it’s <i>you</i> I’m in love with...”
Masterlist
YES I AM A COMPLETE MORON MALUM HOE WHO WROTE AND POSTED THIS ENTIRE FIC BEFORE I REALISED MY LOVELY WANTED CASHTON 🙈🙈🙈 I AM AN IDIOT MALUM HOE 😅
#malum#malum blurb#malum fic#5sos#5sos fic#5sos blurb#michael clifford#calum hood#otp: i bring calum#my writing
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(p1) Hi, I'm writing because I feel there is no hope for me. I'm 30, I live at home where I get verbally mistreated (it was physical when I was younger.) I'm morbidly obese, agoraphobic, I literally didn't leave the house for a 2 year period and still rarely do. I have 0 friends and never had any except a few online ones who ditched me years ago. I was bullied constantly. I have self-harm marks all over my arms. I've NEVER had a job, or finished high school. I still almost never leave the house.
(p2) I’ve asked for help to learn to drive, but they tell me I can’t. I guess because they call me autistic and tell me I am not very smart and make jokes about me having ADHD. I took those comments seriously and they told me I was “looking for problems.” WHAT? I made the mistake of speaking with a few psychiatrists about it who shut me down because, in their words, I didn’t “look” like I had those issues. And that my parents had hard jobs so it made sense they would lash out at me.
(p3) I deal with other issues too like menorrhagia. A doctor had me do an ultrasound (this was like my 3rd one since ‘06) and sent me to a specialist because they saw something. The specialist said she didn’t think anything was there and wasn’t going to actually examine me. I gave up. I’m afraid to speak up for myself, I genuinely don’t understand how to live, make friends, talk to people. I feel like I just have TOO MANY issues. And at my age I don’t see why anyone would bother with me anymore.
(p4) I have an appt with a psych at the same place as the others because I have my city’s free insurance and nowhere else to go. I don’t know if I can do it again after this? I just wanted somewhere to reach out at least one more time :( I’ve reached out to others (like extended family) who will talk to me for a bit then ignore? I can’t help but to feel damaged or like I’m doing something wrong I can’t figure out. I feel like a weak loser and I didn’t try good enough.I’m sorry this is so long
Hello Anon,
I’m mod Bee and I’ll do my best to help you out, but I received help myself from the other mods to write you back. So this is a communal effort!
Thank you for reaching out, and I’m sorry you’re going though such a difficult and distressing situation. You sound strong and tenacious, and I’m proud of you for the way you keep trying to improve your life.
We have some suggestions that we hope can be of help. They’ll concerne:
finding online communities/groups to hang out with
finding a professional that suits your needs
looking for courses you can join
thinking about possible job options
Just an head up: this is going to be long, and it will contain tons of links. I’ll highlight one - that I think it’s most useful - for each section, but I suggest you to go through them all.
1. finding online communities/groups to hang out with
Having friends is important for our mental health, but it can get difficult to make new ones, especially when we’ve been burned before.
Online communities, forums, and groups, can be good places to start looking for friends again. You can approach them with as much caution as you need, and find those people you relate with the most.
If you like games, and rpgs in particular, there are online options that allow you to connect with other others all over the world. Activities like Dungeon&Dragons are based around players’ interactions, so you’d get to know people without putting the stress on forging new friendships. The article 10 Best Online Chat Rooms & Games suggests other equally fitting games.
Forums and groups where you can share your experience and fears are another important tool you can use. I’ve looked into active ones and found Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia Forum, r/Agoraphobia/ (on reddit), bus (a self-harm support forum), Mental health support group and discussion community, Online Support Groups by Turn2Me, PsychForums (Psychology and Mental Health Forums), and the ReachOut app.
Trying with pen pals - a one on one exchange - could also be a good idea: InterPals and PenPalWorld are only two of the many websites dedicated to this purpose. Here’s some tips on how it works.
Finally, there are apps with the specific purpose of finding new friends, like Bumble BFF. Try to see if you there’s one of your liking in this list.
2. finding a professional that suits your needs
We usually recommend what it’s colloquially called “psychiatrist/therapist shopping”, the act of choosing a professional after inquiring what we need to know of their line of work, based on our own wishes, and asking this to more than one.
It’s difficult when insurance covers just a little portion of professionals, but not impossible.
Can’t afford therapy? No insurance? Need low cost options? Here is a great list of ways to get help when money or insurance is an issue.
Therapy For Every Budget: How To Access It
9 Ways to Get Free or Cheap Therapy When You Don’t Have Health Insurance
Dial 211 for Essential Community Services: if you call 211, you can ask about free therapy options in your area, or how to work with you insurance to afford other professionals.
If none of these options work out, and you have to stick with the professional your insurance provides, there are measures you can take that might help making the sessions successful. Check out 21 Tips for getting the most out of each therapy session and How to Talk to Your Doctors When They Don’t Listen.
If your new psychiatrist tries to dismiss you without hearing everything that you have to say, insist that they write on your record exactly what they did and why, and that you absolutely want a copy of it before you exit their room. It’s your right to have both your requests accomplished. I know it’s not easy to have them respected: you’ll probably have to stand your ground and that can be difficult, but I think it’s important for you and fundamental for what you can get out of this session. This is a post with links to various module you can complete to help you assert yourself, which I suggest you to start before going to your appointment, if you can. It can be useful to face your family, too.
Does your insurance cover a different specialist for the gynecological problem your doctor wanted you to check out? Is there any free or low-cost clinic near you, like Planned Parenthood or Free Clinic? You can inquire about their services through email.
3. looking for courses you can join
Online courses can be helpful for a number of things, like keeping busy, learning new stuff, feeling accomplished, and possibly getting some qualifications.
There are some free options that end with a proper certificate, but not all are accredited, meaning that they’re not automatically accepted by employers (they can choose to consider them valid or not). Still, there are no downsides in joining such a course, seeing that it doesn’t cost anything but your time.
Not accredited certificates/no certificates:
Alison’s Diploma Courses and Certificate Courses
FutureLearn doesn’t grant you certificates with their free courses, but it still provides learning access
edX’s Courses
Udemi, not free but it offers up to 90% discounts generally once a month
Learn how to code, a masterpost that lists different courses to learn coding
Free Online Language Courses, a masterpost that lists different courses to learn languages
24 Invaluable Skills To Learn For Free
Accredited certificates
coursera offers some free courses, and/or the possibility to apply for financial aid
Online Degree require no tuition, no applications, and no interviews, and has worked so participating Universities around the country will consider the courses for credit, potentially finishing up to an entire freshman year of college
edX’s Professional Certificate Programs are not free, but edX offers up to a 90% discount to those who prove they cannot pay a full price.
University Of The People is tuition-free, which means there is no charge for teaching or instruction, only initial fees (around 160$) for each course. You can also apply for scholarships.
on StudyPortal - Scholarships, you can find a huge number of scholarships available in your country, and here you can find the easiest scholarships to apply to. There are also scholarships for online courses.
There’s also the possibility of completing high school through virtual courses, and if they’re organized by your State’s public school system, they should be free. You can find more info on this here.
4. thinking about possible job options
Working towards finding a job is important for our own self-worth and feeling like a valuable member of society, and of course it can also help with looking for better therapy.
It can be tricky when mental and physical illnesses are at play, though. That’s why I’d like to give you some online options here, too, that don’t ask for any particular prerequisite, and would give you enough free time to focus to get better. Jobs like data entry or app testing are doable from home, and may not pay much, but they’d allow you to start building some savings.
5 Online Jobs That Require Little or No Experience
No Experience? Start One of These Online Jobs
Best Data Entry Jobs From Home
10 (Legit) Data Entry Jobs from Home
Work At Home Data Entry on Indeed.com
FlexJobs
Glassdoor
Whatever you choose, creating a strong resume is always a good step. I’m giving you some resources on how to do that:
How to Create a Professional Resume
How To Make A Resume 101
Help Everyone Find A Job In Their Field
And between checking out all these options we gave you, please try to do some of this Workout For Daily Life, because focusing on a screen for too long can cause so many aches!
You’re not a loser, you’re strong and you keep fighting for yourself, which is admirable. I hope these resources can be of help, and please do send another ask if you need anything else.
Take care,
mod Bee
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Hey I want to vent and some cheering up I just lost all my online friends because one said I was abusive to my pets and they believed them and now I have no one to vent to and I'm very suicidal and last night I almost took my own life I really want some help and I just dont know who to talk to It makes me so sick they believed her and I just am so depressed I just want something from you personally because your my favorite voice actor and your so kind tysm for listening and maybe responding!!!
***(I’m not a professional of any sort, so I can only offer casual advice/peer support, and I’m also going to link to some resources for you at the bottom of my response! Be sure to check them out, especially if you’re afraid, or in danger, and/or you just need someone to talk to!)***
Hey there, Anon! : O That sounds absolutely horrendous, having to experience all that... it’s... rly, rly unfair that your other online friends didn’t fully listen to your side of the story before suddenly just making the decision to break off their friendships with you.
My sister had a very similar experience yrs ago. After coming back from a club with a couple of her then-friends, and going to their house to sleep, the friends (who were beyond intoxicated), got into an unrelated spat with her, and suddenly just accused her of trying to hurt their cat. And literally anyone who knows my sister even the tiniest bit would know -- beyond the shadow of a doubt -- that she’d swallow a burning hot branding-iron before she’d ever harm an animal (especially a cat, she’s THE quintessential cat person).
Despite that though, these friends still told their other, mutual friend, and that person bailed on my sister for a while without even asking her what happened, based solely on the lies these ex-friends told about her behind her back.
I wanted to share that to basically say that, often, we can’t control the bad or cruel decisions that the other ppl in our lives make -- but that these experiences can rly tell you a lot about what kinds of ppl your friends truly are. A good friend will care about you enough to know you’re a good person and to listen to your account of things.
I’m hoping you have the chance to talk this out with your friends at some point, if you feel like preserving these particular friendships is still healthy and worthwhile for you. Otherwise, I’d aim to pursue friendships with other people -- I know this is easier said than done, and it can definitely take time to build up that connection with other ppl, but I have faith that you will find folks who are honest, open, and kind. There are good ppl out there who won’t spread nasty rumours behind your back, and who will be openly communicative with you whenever either of you is concerned about something/has a disagreement.
Right now, your other friends might be unsure of what to do, on their own ends. I don’t know the overall personality of the person who spread misinformation about you, but in some unhealthy/imbalanced friend-groups, there will often be a person who holds more power/sway over how the rest of the group is expected to feel and behave. This is never a good dynamic to have amongst friends. And if that’s how your friends felt about this person, they may just have been too afraid to speak out and challenge them (which is still incredibly unfair to you, tbh).
In any case, what matters the most is that you know your own truth. You know you didn’t do what this person said, and that you’re a good person, Anon! Remember that, and hold it close! The lies that people tell about you cannot ever take your truth from you.
It can be effective to clarify your side of things to other people and to try to clear your name if you want to, but if it’s stressing you out to do so, then I’d just take a step back, personally, and spend time focusing on entirely different things -- it’ll be emotionally painful to move forward, for sure, but in time, either your friends will have realized they made a mistake and apologized, or you’ll have already made newer, much healthier friendships!
Take time for yourself whenever you need, block and report anyone who tries to harass you, or who says/posts things that hurt you, and again, remember that, no matter what anyone says, you’re not the person they tried to make you out to be. And what they did says a whole lot more about them than it does about you! There are lots of ppl out there, and while you’re in a lot of emotional pain right now, I know, for absolute certain, that you’re not alone in this sort of experience, and that you will find people who are compassionate, and who actually deserve your friendship!
It’s always okay to vent here if you need/want to, Anon, and I wish you the very best! Take good care of yourself~
https://codedredalert.tumblr.com/post/109005732295/helpline-masterlist (masterpost of crisis hotlines)
https://www.7cups.com/ (free online counselling/support, available through phone, text, and online chat!)
https://togetherweare-strong.tumblr.com/helpline (more resources and helplines)
https://themuserofpsychology.wordpress.com/2016/01/30/preoccupy-negative-thoughts-self-help-master-post/ (a masterpost of various calming sites and coping techniques that can help get you through especially painful thoughts/feelings!)
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hey! i'm gay and lonely why dont i know any nice, available gay girls and where can i find them? thanks!!
Hey there!
We wish you could tell you! But honestly, we’re not that sure either. The best thing you can do is get out there and not be afraid of trying new things where you can meet loads of different and new people. Attending events for LGBT+ people is a great way to expand your circle of friends whilst meeting new people. Hopefully you’ll be lucky enough to find someone who you’re interested in (and is available!). Here are a couple of different organisations that run events that FAM know of/recommend:
Minus18:
Though, it really depends on how you like to interact with with people, places like Minus18 events (https://www.minus18.org.au/ or just check their facebook page) might be your thing. Minus18 hold safe, inclusive events for people under 21 and are supported by government funding. They hold cheap/free events such as discos, speed-friendship days (like speed dating but for friends) and craft days/movie viewing days, etc. Though personally, I’m a bit of an introvert so they’re not really my thing. But, I know quite a few people who regularly attend them and enjoy them, it really depends how open you are to meeting new people.
The Rainbow Network:
The Rainbow Network has a bunch of different support and social groups for LBGT+ teens in a whole range of different areas around Melbourne, which sound like a good way to meet people and cater to a range of different interests. However,, no FAM members have actually been to them before, so we can’t really give any experience about what they are like (they sound good though). Here’s the link to all the different groups with general information about them, their location and meeting times: http://www.rainbownetwork.com.au/index.php/find-a-group.
Mac. Rob’s Gender Sexuality Alliance (GSA)
It also might be worth your while going to the schools GSA which should probably start by the end of the term (you should hear something about it soon), as you may be able to find more places and events to meet people from there, or you might meet someone there (you never know).
Good luck! And we hope you find someone - don’t give up just yet!
Love,
FAM xx
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