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wannab-urs · 4 months

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Title: Something Sweet

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

Summary: You’re new to the team in Colombia and all alone on your birthday. Your partner, Javier Peña, decides to do something sweet for you.

Tags: Set vaguely during season 1 before Javi gets extra angsty, canon compliant-ish, reader feeling lonely, sassy!reader, flirty!javi, alcohol (wine), brief mention of a gun bc I feel like a DEA agent wouldn’t just answer the door all willy nilly, kissing, javi asking for consent, but y’all did share a bottle of wine, kissing, fingering f receiving, marking, unprotected PinV, cuddling. I always write angsty Javi, but this is FLUFF, so sorry if it’s OOC, I’m slightly out of my element here.

WC: 2107

A/N: This fic is a birthday gift for @psychedelic-ink. Sil, you’re a wonderful friend and you do so much for the Pedro Pascal Fandom community on top of being an incredible writer. So, with some help from @pedrorascal with the beautiful gifs, I schemed up a little fic for you. I hope you love it! Happy Birthday and Happy Holidays AHHHH.

Moving to a new country two weeks before your birthday, which also happens to be Christmas Eve, is not ideal. You moved to Colombia from Miami after a promotion, earning a spot on the elite team working to catch Pablo Escobar.

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind, trying to catch up on all the facts of the case. You have to learn every sicario by sight and all of their names, aliases, and frequent hang outs. You have to learn about everything Escobar has done in Colombia, all the cartels and how they connect, it’s all extremely exhausting and time consuming.

Which is why you have no friends yet, unless you count your new partners Javier Peña and Steve Murphy. Which you don’t. You barely know them, and from what you’ve seen so far, Peña is an asshole. Steve might be okay, but you just haven’t had time to get to know him yet.

You take off your windbreaker and hang it on the back of your chair. It’s kind of ridiculous that you have to work on Christmas Eve, but there’s no rest for the wicked and therefore no rest for you either. You sit down and open the first file on your desk, immediately getting down to business without so much as a greeting for your partners.

A couple hours into the work day, a shadow darkens your desk. “What do you want, Peña?”

“God damn, hermosa. Touchy today? I brought you a coffee.” Peña sets the cup of lukewarm black slop on your desk and leans further into your space, peeking at the files you’re reading.

“Yes, actually. Did you need something or did you just come over here to bother me?”

“I just came over here to compliment your nails, actually,” he takes your hand in his, inspecting your nails, and then looks into your eyes. “I like the color. Suits you.”

You feel heat rise to your cheeks. Peña is cute. Gorgeous, really, but you don’t make a habit of flirting with your coworkers. “Thanks… They were my birthday gift to myself.” You tug your hand away from him and place it in your lap.

“It’s your birthday?” He asks, still leaning much too far into your personal space. You nod and look back down at the file.

“I have to get back to work now,” you almost whisper to him, all your bitter snark from earlier replaced by a sense of melancholy. There’s not a soul in this entire country who knows it’s your birthday today. Aside from Javier, now, you guess. Javier lingers for another moment before pushing off your desk and leaving you to your work.

You’re starting to pack up for the day when Peña comes up to your desk again, sitting on the corner.

“So what are your plans tonight?” he asks.

“Huh?” You don’t have any plans. A phone call from your friend in Miami and a bottle of Chilean wine maybe.

“Your plans? For your birthday?”

“Oh. I don’t have any. Don’t really know anyone yet so…” you trail off. You feel kind of pathetic, even though you know it’s completely reasonable to not have a group of friends yet.

“Me and Murphy could take you out?”

“Oh um–”

“Actually, Jav,” Steve calls out from his desk. “Me and Connie have plans tonight. Christmas Eve and all,” he gives you an apologetic look.

“It’s fine really. I’m gonna have a nice relaxing night in. Thanks though.” You put on the best smile you can and head for the door.

You hang up the phone after your short call with your friend. It’s expensive to call long distance, but she stayed on with you as long as she could. She told you all about her new boyfriend and that everyone had wished you a Happy Birthday and Happy Holidays. You’re grateful she didn’t ask about your job or your love life.

As you pop the cork on a bottle of wine, there’s a knock on your door. You stare at the door questioningly, as if it will tell you who’s there. Who on earth could be knocking at your door at 8pm on Christmas Eve?

You grab your gun and sneak over to the door, peeking through the peephole. Broad shoulders and a dark head of hair are all you can make out through the tiny lens. Javier? You set your gun on the side table and pull open the door.

“Peña? What are you doing here?”

He turns around and holds his hands out to you. “Brought you something.” He’s holding a birthday cake, clearly store bought, decorated with a generic “Feliz cumpleaños” scrawled on top. A bright smile lights up your face.

“Oh Javi, you didn’t have to!”

“I wanted to. You gonna invite me in for some cake?” He raises his eyebrows at you.

“Oh! Yeah sure. Come in!” You step to the side to let him through and close and lock the door behind him. “Sorry about the mess. I’m not fully unpacked yet.”

“I’ve been here for 7 years and I’m not fully unpacked. It’s fine.” Javi reassures you. He sets the cake down on your kitchen counter and starts rifling around for plates and silverware.

“I can do that,” you try to move him out of the way, but he’s having none of it.

“No, it’s your birthday. Let me. You pour yourself a glass of wine and go sit on the couch.”

“Fine… thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

You grab a couple glasses and the bottle of wine and carry it to the living room with you. You’re kind of shocked he’s here. He’s always flirty in the office, but he’s like that with everyone. He’s not what you’d call friendly otherwise. Maybe he just feels bad for you.

Javier drops down onto the couch beside you holding two plates with hefty slices of chocolate cake. He hands you one of the plates and a fork. “Happy birthday. I’m not going to make you do the whole candle thing.”

“Thank you, Javier. This is really, really nice.” You feel like you might cry. It’s just cake, but you felt so alone, and it’s like he really saw you. He saw through whatever exterior shell you were wearing and decided to try to make your day better.

“Just Javi is fine. And it’s not a big deal, really. You deserve something sweet on your birthday,” he says looking down at the cake in his hands.

“It is to me. A big deal, I mean,” you say softly before taking a bite of the cake. It’s nothing special, just a plain chocolate cake, but it means so much to you.

You and Javier, Javi, chat about where you’re from and how you came to work for the DEA. You tell him about living in Miami, about the promotion that brought you here. You finish the bottle of wine and a couple more pieces of cake and the conversation doesn’t stop for a long time.

Late in the evening, you finish a story about your 6th birthday, one your aunt always told to the whole family every single year at your birthday dinner. He’s sitting close to you, his thigh pressed against yours despite there being plenty of room on the couch to sit without touching. It makes your heart flutter a little.

You don’t know if it’s the wine or what, but the little crush you have on him is getting pretty hard to ignore. Javi smirks at you, reaches up, and brushes his thumb over the corner of your lip.

“Got a little icing there, cariño,” he says, his voice lower and huskier than it has been all night. He brings the icing smeared thumb to his mouth and sucks it between his lips. Your eyes track the movement, pupils blowing wide. He really is pretty.

You feel yourself lean in toward him, almost unconsciously chasing that thumb to his mouth. He brings his hand up to your cheek and searches your eyes for a moment. He must see what he was looking for because he pulls you closer and presses his lips to yours.

His lips are soft, warm, gentle on yours. You grab his face in your hands, not wanting him to pull away yet. He slips his tongue along the seam of your lips and you part them, letting him in. You’re not sure who makes the move, but slowly, your back is lowered to the couch, Javi a comfortable weight on top of you. Your hands explore his broad shoulders, the muscles of his back, his trim waist, as he plunders your mouth with his tongue.

“Can I touch you?” He rasps against your lips.

“You already are,” you giggle. “Sorry. Yes, Javi.”

He huffs a laugh into your mouth and slips a hand into your lounge pants, fingers finding your dripping seam. “Wet for me already, hermosa?”

Your cheeks heat up in slight embarrassment, but you nod. You’re soaked just from kissing him. By the feel of him against your thigh, he’s not better off. He pushes two fingers inside you and presses his lips back to yours. You gasp into his mouth, hands fisting in the back of his shirt.

His fingers immediately find the spongy spot deep in your core. He curls them, dragging the pads of his fingers along your g-spot with every pump of them inside you. You cling tightly to him, burying your face in his shoulder.

“Come for me, baby.”

Your body responds to his command instantly, the tension in your belly releasing into waves of pleasure. Your cunt flutters around his fingers and you whine into his neck as he works you through it. You collapse back onto the couch, and he wastes no time dragging your pants off you.

You hear the clink of his belt opening, the sound of it hitting the floor. You sit up on your elbows to watch him as he strips off the rest of his clothes. You bite your lip, drinking in the sight of the gorgeous man before you.

He takes your hands in his and pulls you to your feet before pulling your tank top off you. “Shit, hermosa,” he whispers almost reverently as he takes one of your tits in his large hand, rolling the nipple between two fingers. “Gorgeous.”

He kisses you again, wrapping his strong arms around your body and pushing his chest flush with yours. “Bedroom, cariño?”

You walk him back to your room, barely separating your lips from his for the entire journey. You fall back on your bed and he follows, settling between your legs. His lips drag down your jaw line to your neck as he lines himself up with your entrance. Javi sucks a mark just below your collarbone as he slowly thrusts inside you.

You wrap your legs around his hips and pull him deeper into you, whining at the stretch. “Fuck, Javi.”

“Working on it, cariño,” he teases as he bottoms out inside you. He pushes himself up on his elbows and stares into your eyes as he pulls out and thrusts back in smoothly. Your mouth falls open, a little huff spilling out as he bottoms out again. He feels so fucking good inside you.

Javi sets a steady pace, thrusting into you hard and slow, eyes never leaving yours. When your eyes flutter shut and your back starts to arch in pleasure, he slips his arm under your back, pulling your hips higher on his thighs. The new angle is everything. You gasp out a moan every time his cock punches deep inside you.

Javi is everything in this moment. Your world narrowed to the feeling of his cock pounding into you at that same maddeningly slow, hard rhythm. You feel yourself tightening around him, feel a coil winding in your belly tighter and tighter.

Javi’s lips find yours again with a kiss that’s more a clash of teeth and tongues than anything as you come hard on his cock. Javi lets out a low groan into your mouth at the way you squeeze him. He thrusts into you a few more times, fucking you through your high, before he quickly pulls out and spills all over your belly.

He rests his forehead on yours for a moment, catching his breath. He kisses you deeply one more time before falling to the bed beside you. Javi pulls you into his arms, not paying any mind to the mess he made on your stomach. He holds you close, kissing the top of your head.

“Happy Birthday, cariño.”

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cupid-styles · 3 months

Note

Another lactation blurb for ymls would be amazing bestie! And I would also love to see them be all domestic and fluffy!

this is fucking F I L T H and I wrote it on my phone so I’m sorry if there are any typos!!!!!!

. . .

”My tits are so fucking sore.”

Harry chuckles gently, glancing over at Y/N as she cups her breasts through the soft fabric of her sweater. His smile quickly fades into a sympathetic pout, reaching over from the wheel to wrap a hand around her thigh, squeezing it gently. “I’m sorry,” he says genuinely, pulling into the parking lot of their destination, “You’ve been doing such a good job with pumping and feeding Clem, though. I’m so thankful for you.”

It’s hard to be grouchy and grumbly when Harry says sweet things like that. His gratitude quickly melts away the irritation sitting heavy in her chest so she purses her lips instead, breathing out through her nose in lieu of a response.

It’s only their second time out without Clementine, and it’s not even anything terribly exciting. They’re just going to get lunch at a cafe they both like — they left their three month old off at Y/N’s sister’s place, but neither of them liked being away from her for too long (Harry in particular). The first time they left Clem with his parents, it was two weeks ago and it was just so they could go food shopping. They made it through two aisles before he started flexing his fingers nervously, asking Y/N if it was too early to call and ask about how Clem was doing.

(Y/N pretended like it was, but in reality, she’d been wanting to ring Harry’s mom up for the past 20 minutes.)

But having a newborn and navigating a relatively new relationship was exhausting, and Harry was insistent that they spend time together outside of her place. (He’d apparently replaced his obsession with parenting books with relationship ones.)

And that’s how they ended up sitting at their favorite sandwich spot, making quiet conversation about Y/N’s maternity leave, Clementine’s next doctor’s appointment, and Harry needing to end the lease on his own apartment sometime soon.

Everything’s going fine as they munch on their food, sharing a plate of French fries between them. And then Y/N feels it — the familiar sensation of milk dribbling from her swollen nipples, and she drops her sandwich to her plate, her eyes bulging with annoyance.

“Fuck me,” she mutters, sighing out in frustration. Harry glances up with a concerned expression and she leans closer to him, “I’m leaking. I think I need to pump.”

“Oh, shit,” Harry mumbles, “You don’t have a spare bottle or anything on you?”

She shakes her head. “No. I left all the pumping shit at home. I think I’m just gonna go to the bathroom and, like… I don’t know. Try to clean up a bit.”

“I’ll come with you,” Harry instantly volunteers, sliding out of the booth. Her eyebrows raise slightly. “I know you’re in pain right now. It’s the least I can do.”

She doesn’t fight him on the offer, instead following him to the single stall bathroom. With an annoyed expression, she locks the door behind him and hikes her sweater up over her nursing bra. There’s already faint stains over where her nipples are, making her sigh. She goes to reach for some toilet paper to clean off her breasts when Harry’s hand wraps around her wrist, stopping her.

“Don’t,” he murmurs, glancing down at her covered breasts, “Can I?”

They haven’t done this since she leaked for the first time, back when she was still pregnant. They hadn’t even really spoken about it, but if Y/N was being honest, she thought about it frequently. It had been one of the hottest things she’d ever been on the receiving end of.

Parting her lips anxiously, she nods, straightening her posture and subconsciously pushing her chest out. He smirks and unhooks her bra, a low groan sounding from his mouth when his eyes meet her milky breasts. It’s a mess he’s dying to clean up.

“Fuck,” he mumbles, “Let daddy have a taste, yeah?”

Maybe it’s the heightened post-pregnancy hormones or maybe it’s just Harry, but Y/N’s eyes flutter shut at the honorific, nodding quickly. It’s not a moment more before his lips latch around her nipple, sucking with an enthusiasm she’d only seen once before. Her fingers curl themselves into his hair, gripping roughly as she whimpers, her pussy instantly growing slick from the dirty sight.

“You’re so fucking incredible,” Harry mutters against her skin, nipping just below her nipple before switching over to the other one, “Feeding our perfect baby with this. You never let daddy have some though. Bit selfish, I think.”

“Y-you can have it whenever you want,” she mewls, tugging at his hair, “Fuck— touch me, please?”

She barely finishes her sentence before he’s pushing his hand down her pants and underneath the cotton fabric of her panties. They haven’t had sex since she gave birth, even though she’s been cleared. Harry still knows her body like the back of his hand, though, deft fingertips rolling over her wet, swollen clit as he sucks every last bit of milk she has to offer.

She doesn’t know what pushes her closer to her orgasm; if it’s the sight of Harry drinking her milk or the sensation of him rubbing tight circles into her clit, but it doesn’t take much for every muscle to clench itself, breathy whimpers falling from her lips as she comes all over his hand.

“There you fuckin’ go, mama,” he croons, glancing up to watch her fall apart. It’s his favorite view, but maybe he’s a bit more partial to the sight when her milk is dripping down his chin. “Cum for me, baby. Dirty girl, obsessed with daddy licking your milk up.”

He works her though it like it’s his job, her eyes only fluttering open when her peak has finally tapered off. The first thing she sees is Harry’s smug smile, an involuntary, shocked laugh sounding between them.

“You’re pretty kinky.” She teases. He rolls his eyes, clipping her bra closed and fitting her breasts back inside.

“Right, like you didn’t just come from all that.”

“Shut up,” she says, smacking his chest playfully. “I wanna finish that sandwich.”

#bestie asks #writing #ymls concept

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toracainz · 2 months

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Shrike

Masterlist

Summary: Things with Marc have been…touchy to say the least. Can things get better?

Pairings: Marc x fem!reader

Warnings: Swearing. Established relationships. Verbal conflict. Break up. Physical conflict with some asshole. Knife but no harm to reader. Everything is wet but not how you think. hurt/comfort. angst/comfort. i mean I hope the comfort is there lol.

Word count: 4.3k

A/N: this is for my first-ever fic request. never thought someone would ever want to ask me of all people for a fic. I hope everyone likes it. it kind of got away from when writing it sooooo lol

Things were fairly quiet in the flat as Marc enters looking exhausted. It doesn’t take him long to notice the sound of the shower running. You were home. Just great. With an exasperated huff, Marc makes his way to the chest of drawers to quickly pack for yet another mission. Grabbing the things he was looking for he begins to shove them in a bag, trying to hurry out of the flat before you can notice, but he was never that lucky.

The shower turned off as he was putting the last couple things in and in a rush Marc runs into a chair with a loud thud and a “Fuck!”

“Marc?” You called from the bathroom, hoping it was him and not some burglar, as you stepped out, wrapped in your towel. He had been gone for quite some time with no word on if he was okay or when he’d be coming back. You and Marc had been together a while now, so long that he actually trusted you enough to tell you about Khonshu and what being his avatar meant. It was a bit hard to believe at first, until Marc summoned his suit in front of you…there’s no denying it then. So you came to understand that what Marc was doing was for the greater good, that he was out there helping good people and punishing bad ones. The first few times he left on a mission, you were worried sick and oh so relieved when he got back no matter how long that would be for…but after a while, after many discussions about just a simple text being enough, some kind of indication he was alive and maybe even when you would see him again him being away also brought frustration and maybe a little anger. While fights had become frequent when his missions were brought up, you both managed to make up and move on…until it happened again.

“Shit…” Marc muttered under his breath, “Yeah!…yeah, it’s me. Just stopped by to grab some things…got a uh…long trip ahead.” He knew what was about to come, another fight, another round of the same old thing.

“That’s it?! You’re just grabbing things and going? Were you even going to say ‘hello’? Or ‘I missed you’? Or ‘I love you’? Just grabbing things and avoiding me now?” Your tone became more and more agitated with each question. You had been waiting for him to come back, like you always did, and had been looking forward to spending time with him. Did he seriously need to go on another mission right as he was coming back from one??

“I didn’t think you’d be home.”

“Do you even know what day it is? Of course I’m home, Marc.”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“Don’t get smart with me, Spector. How many more times do I have to ask you, to beg you to just send me a message or call me? If I didn’t know any better I’d say you really just didn’t give a shit.” By now you’ve shed the towel that was wrapped around you and began to dress yourself. You were fuming and you truly wondered if he did care, if he could change.

“Is that what you think?” Marc let out an exasperated laugh, shaking his head, his grin at your accusatory statement beginning to turn sour. “You’d like that wouldn’t you. To be right about me, huh? Someone who doesn’t give a shit about us, about you? Fine…you know what you’re right. I’ll save you the trouble and just get the fuck out of here.”

You could feel your heartbeat in your ears. Is he fucking serious right now? That’s it. “Good. And don’t expect me to be here when you get back.” The words felt cold even to you, but what else could be done? Sleepless nights, the secrecy, the blatant disregard for your relationship…you were basically like another goldfish for him and the flat your tank, just waiting for Marc to come back and feed you the little flakey sorry excuses for quality time or physical touch. It’s time to find open waters.

Marc couldn’t believe you, he didn’t believe you, that you would seriously leave. If he’s being honest with himself (which let’s be honest he can rarely be honest with the people he cares about let alone himself) he’s surprised you haven’t left him before now. Maybe he really is a piece of shit that doesn’t care…no, he can’t think like that. You’ve fought before and you make up and…everything’s okay. That’s right. You’re the one constant in his life and he really does look forward to seeing you after his missions…everything’s going to be okay.

He looks at you, intense brown eyes assessing you for your bluff…of course you’re bluffing…he shakes his head letting out a puff of breath through his nose before turning and walking out the door, shutting it a little harder than intended but not quite a slam.

Unfortunately for Marc…you weren’t bluffing.

As he makes his way out of the flat and on to his next mission you had begun to pack your things, anger simmering into frustration and heartbreak as tears roll down your cheeks. You try to steady yourself but you can’t stop the tears. Grabbing your things, or as much of it as you care to take with you, you walked out and locked the door. With the key in hand you looked it for a moment and sighed.

“Goodbye, Marc Spector.”

You knelt down and slid the key under the door, turning away and headed home.

~*~*~*~

Marc tries to quietly enter the flat like he had weeks earlier…once again he hadn’t called or texted you to update you on his mission, how he was, when he was coming back. This time however he was going to be able to just relax a while. Knowing things were left not on great terms, he had been ruminating on how to make it up to you. “I won’t be here when you get back.” The whole time he had been away those words stayed with him, he would tell himself you didn’t mean it, that you would still be here. After all, you were so patient and understanding of him, his past, and trying to help him make a better future.

Marc wasn't the best at keeping people close, especially the people he cared about. He told himself the reason he never called or texted you while on a mission was for your safety, he didn’t want anyone catching wind of him having something or someone to lose. He told himself it was the same reason that when he returned from a mission he would never come directly home. He would always stay at his storage locker a night or so or even stay somewhere else entirely before making his way back to the flat to see you. Of course he never expressed this. That would have made too much sense, made things too easy. And Marc was never good at making things easy, especially for himself.

He walked around the flat, looking for a sign you might be here. He didn’t see your bags or your laptop anywhere and he didn’t hear the shower or sink so you weren’t in the bathroom.

“Babe???” He called out. Maybe you were hiding? Yeah right, not really any place to hide in this open floor plan flat. “Baby???” Still he called out hoping just maybe you were hiding. He started back to the front of the flat, thinking you might have been in the kitchen (maybe with your headphones in listening to music) and he just didn’t notice. Marc was beginning to feel like a kid that had gotten separated from their parents at the grocery store. But when he got to the kitchen it was empty. Now he was beginning to panic. Maybe someone had found out about you and took you. He was already jumping to the worst possible scenario.

Clenching his fists, he hung his head trying to think of what to do, how to find you. His hands found their way into his curls as he gave them a tug getting more and more desperate with each passing second. That’s when the glint of something metallic flashed at him from a spot on the floor in front of the door. Confused and intrigued, he slowly approached it as if it might suddenly attack, but once he got closer he felt like he would have preferred a key monster attacking him.

Your copy of the key.

He knelt down, picking it up, examining it. This was definitely your key. Realization came crashing down on him. You really meant what you said. He really fucked up.

“Shit…SHIT!!”

He had to find you. He never wanted it to end like this, hell he never wanted it to end in general. It was one of those moments where you don’t truly appreciate what you have until it’s gone. Marc grabbed his jacket and keys and started back out into the chilly London night, thunder rolling in the distance. He had to find you and apologize. You deserved at least that. He told himself that even if you didn’t take him back, even if you didn’t forgive him, he wouldn’t blame you or be upset, you had every right to be upset. He fucked up royally after you begged him to be better. Maybe next time he would learn from his mistake, if he allowed himself to find someone else…but he didn’t want anyone else.

He managed to find a flower shop that was just about to close. Briefly summarizing his situation the shoppist took pity on him, letting him buy a small bouquet. Marc felt that if it was too big his apology might seem insincere or that he was just trying to bribe you to come back. No, the size he got was modest, but not puny. He hoped you would like it, even if you no longer liked him.

With an aching heart, he begins the trek to your place. You both hadn’t talked about moving in together just yet, but maybe if Marc hadn’t been such an ass maybe you could have.

~*~*~*~

The past weeks had been…hard, to say the least. You had gone home and cried and got angry and cried some more. By now the pain, though still fresh, had simmered down a little. You didn’t want things to end that way, but Marc just wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t change. It was hard having him gone so often, worrying if he was alright even knowing the suit would heal him. You just wanted to have him near you, hold you, and you wanted to do the same to him. He’s a good man deep down, but he just can’t seem to get out of his own way.

Your friends had been taking you out on the town since you broke things off with Marc, trying to get your mind off of it all. It worked, sometimes. Other times you would call it an “early” night and head back to your flat. This was one of those nights.

You had dressed cute, a very flattering outfit in both fit and color. You had a drink or two but nothing crazy, not like one of your friends. They all decided to stay out into the early morning, you however thought about your bed and sleeping in. The sound of your shoes against the sidewalk was really the only sound around in this sleepy part of town, aside from the thunder that seemed to get closer. Heaving a sigh, you cursed at yourself for not having brought a proper jacket or umbrella, but you were close to your neighborhood so maybe you could get there before it truly started raining. Now the bed was sounding even better than before, rain outside, cozy blanket, your comfort movie on, the feeling of being watched…your steps were no longer the only ones heard echoing in the night air. Your thoughts were yanked from the blissful thoughts of home to the very present moment and the gravity of just how alone you are this late at night.

You don’t dare look back, so you start to walk a little faster…the other steps picking up their pace too. Again and again, until you’re practically running, but try as you might those other steps are quicker. A strong arm suddenly grabs you from behind as a hand quickly covers your mouth as the body begins to carry you into an alley as rain begins to sprinkle down. The man harshly presses you against the hard exterior of the building…a glint in the dim light…a knife coming to hover in front of your face. As the rain begins to come down truly, it hides the tears that had begun to roll down your cheek.

“Hey, pretty lady. Where’s your friends, hmm? Seen you walking this way couple times…watching that ass move down the road. But that isn’t all I want. Give me your purse, your phone, anything of value…now.” His voice was harsh and his smell somehow still carried through in the rain. You hate how close he was, close enough to know things about him you never wanted to know. As he shifts against you, adjusting his hold on you, you can’t help but whimper in fear.

“Come on now! Don’t have all night pretty thing…out with it.” He barked in your face as your trembling hands began to comply, handing him your things.

“P…please just…please don’t…” Trying to catch your breath at this moment proved nearly impossible. Your heart pounding against your ribs, your lungs doing the same as your hastened breath matched your heart. This couldn’t be happening, why was this happening.

The man tucked your things away, to where you didn't know and didn’t care. You let out a whimper of fear of what might come next. The cold rain beating down on the both of you made you feel even more helpless, especially when a figure was suddenly standing at the entrance to the alley you had been dragged in. It was difficult to make out his features with the way the street light was lighting him from the back. Anxiety spiked as you began to wonder if this was another creep wanting to get in on the action, if they were a weird team or something, but more than anything you hoped it was some kind soul who would help you…though you were quickly running out of hope.

“Oi, what are you looking at huh?” The creep challenged the figure, so they obviously didn't know each other. You glanced around hoping the man would be distracted enough that maybe you could make a break for it, but before you could hatch a plan the figure was headed towards the both of you. “Are you deaf?! You better walk the other way and mind your business, yeah?!”

By now you had closed your eyes, you didn’t know what to do, words were failing you. All you wanted was to be home in bed and for all this to be some sick nightmare brought on by the night's tiring events. The sound of plastic hitting the ground was nearly drowned out by the pattering of rain. In an instant you were colder than before. Was this it? You stood there trembling as time seemed to drag on one agonizing second after another. You realized the creep was no longer caging himself around you, there was a thud and splash of a body hitting the puddling rain on the ground…then a repetitive thunk, thunk, thunk.

Your eyelids felt like they weighed a ton as you slowly opened your eyes, raindrops collecting on them before inevitably falling to your cheeks. And there you see the second man, pummeling the creep until he’s just a groaning barely writhing mess on the ground. When the man stood he gave the creep a swift kick to the gut causing him to cough and wheeze as the man wiped his knuckles clean before retrieving your things…and pocketing them himself. Oh shit, no this can’t be…not another asshole. Your legs could finally hear your brain’s commands as you started to hurry to the alley opening, the crunch of plastic as you stepped on what the man had dropped.

A strong, forceful, calloused hand grabbed your arm as you let out a scream. “NOOOOO! LET GO!!!” Somehow your fight had returned as you pulled against the man’s grip, his other hand coming to grab your arm. He was…saying something, but you didn’t want to hear it, you just wanted to run.

“BABY!!”

You froze, your eyes snapping to look at the man holding you still, eyes wide from adrenaline, fear, and shock. The street light no longer casting a shadow over his features, now the light shone on his damped tan skin and making his wet curly hair glisten.

“M…Marc? Marc…” You couldn’t help it, seeing him there feeling his grip holding you steady, everything came crashing in. A heartbreaking sob clattered from deep inside. Marc reached up, cupping your face in his hands.

“Shhhh…shhh it’s okay baby, it’s okay. You’re safe, baby. You’re safe.” His thumbs gently stroked your cheeks before slipping behind to pull you in close. The rain beat down on you both as Marc held you until you had managed to calm down enough so your thoughts could catch up with what was happening.

“Marc, you…how did you…why are you…?” You stuttered as his hand reached up, gently wiping your hair out of your face where it had clung to your skin.

“I uh…I was coming to see you…to apologize. Wanted to get my thoughts together on what I wanted to say…felt like walking was the best way to do that. Well, walking where I could. That’s when I heard a bit of…what was happening. I was already ready to step in and do something…but when I saw it was you I just saw red. Baby, I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” The way he looked at you, his chocolatey brown eyes seeming so dark in the late night, you still didn’t understand.

Marc carefully and slowly let go of you to pick up the plastic wrapped bouquet of flowers, now slightly trampled and looking a little rough.

“These were…these were for you. Though, I don’t blame you if you don’t want them now.” He turned the bouquet this way and that to examine the little bit of damage they sustained. Looking back at you, clearly still in shock, he hands you the bouquet and begins to take off his jacket, putting it around your shoulders. The jacket shielding you, it was warm and helped take the chill from your skin. Putting his arm around you, he began to lead you out of the alley and down the sidewalk to your flat. Once at the door, he helped you to unlock it.

“Well, um…you get inside and get warm.” He stood there a moment, not sure what to do really. Should he come in? Would you even want him to come in? Maybe you should call one of your friends to come over…Marc doesn’t believe you’d want him to stick around too long. So, he begins to take a few steps away from you and the door.

“Why did you come to find me, Marc? The flowers? What is…what is happening here? I mean—thank you, for saving me. For—for being there, I just…I don’t understand.” Shaking your head you still tried to make sense of what felt like a very strange sequence of events. You looked at him, like really looked at him. The man you thought you’d never see again except for an awkward exchange at a pub or a tesco. He resembled a sad puppy that had been left in the rain.

“That’s probably the shock. You’ll want to lay down for a while…like I said, I wanted to—to apologize. For being an ass, for not listening to you, for all the times you begged me to do something and I never did. Look,” Marc took a deep breath, his shirt now beginning to cling to his body. “I am in no way expecting you to forgive me or take me back or give me a second chance cause quite frankly I don’t deserve it. You asked me so many times to do something so simple and I had convinced myself that by me not doing that—not texting you or calling you—I was protecting you. That I was making it so people wouldn’t find out about you…and I should have just told you that. I am so sorry. If I had—if I had maybe you wouldn’t have been out tonight. Maybe you would have been back home waiting for me to come home, you wouldn’t have…” his chest began to rise and fall as his breath hastened.

He did this. He caused this domino effect where you could have gotten seriously hurt. It seems no matter what he does, he can’t help but hurt the people he cares about. Maybe it is better that he just not get close to anyone…as much as it breaks his heart.

While Marc had begun to spiral you made your way down the front steps over to him, taking his hand in yours.

“Marc, stop that. None of what happened tonight is because of you…sure I might have been somewhere else, but some creep could have found me any other night. He could have found me while you were gone on your mission, but,” you quickly added, giving Marc a stern look, stopping him from saying that that would have been his fault too for not being here, “you can’t blame yourself for that. Marc, do you know how long I’ve just wanted an apology? An acknowledgment of how you were hurting me.” When those words left your mouth, Marc brows knit together, causing that crease between them to appear, he looked positively gutted. Of course he was hurting you, there didn’t need to be some weirdo in the middle of the night or some enemy of his to cause you pain—he was already doing that.

“I know…and I should have said it a long time ago. I should have because you deserved that much…that’s why I came out to find you…why I got the flowers. I—You deserved better. I understand why you left and I’m sorry it had to end like that.” He did everything he could not to look at you, he thought if he did his heart would hurt more than it already did. “You deserve far better than someone that doesn’t realize what he has until it’s gone.”

Your hand reached up, gently cupping his rain slick cheek, the both of you thoroughly soaked by now, but not wanting to leave the other despite the rain. When Marc felt the warmth of your hand on his cheek he couldn’t help but lean into it, damn he missed this.

“Oh, Marc…damn it. I never wanted to leave. I wanted you to work with me. It broke my heart to leave, but I didn’t see any other way. You didn’t seem like you wanted this to work…wanted us to work.” Your other hand came up to move his hair from where it stuck to his skin like he had yours. This really hit Marc hard. He wanted to be with you, couldn’t imagine life without you. Well he got a glimpse of it tonight and the horrid taste it left in his mouth was something he wished to never taste again, but that wasn’t up to him.

He took a deep breath, a calloused hand coming to hold yours against his cheek.

“Come inside, Marc.”

“I—I shouldn’t.”

“I wasn’t asking. You say you don’t want a second chance, that you don’t deserve one, but if anyone deserves a second chance it’s Marc Spector.”

His eyes snapped up to find yours, slightly widened at this news. “Baby…”

“Marc, I love you. And I want you in my life, but if this is going to work, if we’re going to be together…some things have got to get better. All I’ve done since I left was think about you. So…promise me, if we do this, that things will get better.” You stepped closer to him, your body pressing against his as his other hand comes to rest on your waist.

“I swear. Baby, I swear. I’ll text you, call you, send postcards, anything you want. I’ll make it up to you, all the times I fucked up.” He pulled you closer, arm wrapping around you.

“Marc, let’s take this a step at a time. Okay? A new start. How does that sound?”

“Like heaven on Earth. Like I’ve been reborn.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at his flowery statements. Marc could be goofy when he wanted to, you felt like he was only able to relax when you were around and you didn’t mind that. It meant that you made him comfortable, that he felt like he could let down some of his walls and let you in.

Hearing your laugh made his heart lighter, a smile spreading across his lips. Marc was in awe of you, of your features, your laugh and voice, and your saint-like patience. He found himself leaning in, eyes drifting down to your lips, yours doing the same. You couldn’t help it, not with how close he was and how his hand held you against him.

“Marc,” you breathed out before his kiss took your breath away. He pressed his lips to yours like it had been a lifetime since he’d kissed you. The rain didn’t seem so cold anymore as you both embraced.

taglist: @saberlight1 @roseqzpd @rosecentaur1916 @ahookedheroespureheart @sleepyamaya @parkeepingparker @lockleysgrl @marc-spectorr @vermillionsails @harrys-tittie @n0ripeaches @missdictatorme @bitchyglitterfox @spacecowboyhotch @randomchick546 @teacupcollector @local-mr-frog @stevenknightmarc @ahookedheroespureheart @mccn-bcys @juneknight

#marc spector x reader #marc spector x you #marc spector #moon knight #moon knight fanfic #moon knight fanfiction

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deanstead · 1 year

Text

Mistaken

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader, Rhodestead

Requested: no

Summary: As Will finds himself dealing with an unwelcome presence in his life, you disappear in the middle of shift.

Word Count: 5.3K+

Tags/Warnings: established relationships, stalking, kidnapping, hostage situations

A/N: First time I'm trying out writing for Rhodestead so I put this as a double pairing fic. Wasn't sure I was going to let this fic see the light of day but bestie @sheetsonfire gave her stamp of approval (and I haven't posted in a while) so here goes! Kinda (read: very) nervous about this so let me know what you guys think!

JAY HALSTEAD MASTERLIST

“Hey, you wanna grab dinner?” Will asked as he opened his locker next to you.

You glanced back at him, your eyes betraying the mental exhaustion from the day. Losing children was never easy, everyone knew that.

You gave Will a small smile. “No date with Connor?” You lightly teased.

Will chuckled.

Will and Connor had been dancing around each other for almost forever and it had taken you an unbelievable amount of self control not to literally bonk their heads together. Thankfully, they’d gotten off their asses before you had to.

“Connor got pulled into a surgery so I got stood up.”

You let out a small laugh, closing your locker. “Your brother’s on a case so… dinner’s on you.”

Will laughed, nodding. “I got you.”

The both of you ended up in one of the eateries you frequented that was near Med which opened late exactly for this reason - a place that had saved all of you from many late nights. Be it when Jay came to get you from a late shift, or when you, Connor and Will needed to eat after a shift before going to crash. All four of you had even been here together shortly after the shift in dynamics - you and Jay had just gotten married, while Will and Connor had finally started seeing each other officially.

In an effort to steer both your thoughts away from work, Will started a conversation about Connor, and you watched a light in Will’s eyes as he talked about Connor, a light that had finally let its way out into the world.

“What?” Will asked, angling his eyebrows at you before you realized you were smiling cheekily at him.

You shrugged. “Just nice to see you so happy.”

Will smiled, reaching over to ruffle your hair.

“You know you transitioned into this annoying older brother role way too smoothly.” You growled playfully, your eyes narrowing at him.

Will laughed, retracting his hand and chuckling.

“Y/N?”

Jay’s voice reached you first before you saw him but it still made you smile.

“You said you were going to be late?” You said but you were already looping your arms around his waist and pressing yourself into his embrace.

Jay let out a small chuckle. “Sorry, I know things have been a little crazy.”

You shook your head, burying your face deeper into his shoulder. “I just missed you.”

Jay leaned back before leaning back down to press a gentle kiss to your lips. “Shall we stay in tonight?”

You grinned back at him. “Sounds perfect.”

It felt like it had been a while since you and Jay had done this, just stayed in, the television turned on while the two of you had a cozy meal before cuddling on the couch with the wine glasses sitting just a little precariously on the small coffee table Will and Connor had gotten the both of you as a wedding present.

“Everything at work okay?” Jay asked quietly, his arms resting around your waist.

“You know, same-old. We have the bullies, the overbearing parents, but there are also families that remind me why I became a doctor.”

Jay rested his chin gently on your shoulder, his cheek resting lightly against yours before he closed his eyes.

“I think that if you’re here, if I know that I get to come home to you at the end of any day or case, I’ll be able to do about anything.” He whispered.

You knew that voice, the voice that told you he'd had a hard day.

You took his hand gently in yours. “I’ll always be here, Jay. At the end of every difficult case, or day, no matter what.”

Jay pressed a kiss to your cheek lightly and you leaned further back into his embrace.

“Dr Y/L/N, someone’s asking for you in the waiting room if you have a few minutes.” One of the nurses came up to you as you were studying a patient’s chart.

You looked around the ED, it was a quiet sort of day but you weren’t in the best of moods since you’d lost your card holder. Just thinking about having to replace your credit cards already made you feel tired and anxious. Regardless, you nodded with a smile at the nurse, thanking her for letting you know.

Putting on your best professional smile you headed towards the waiting room, scanning the crowd for someone who looked like they’d be waiting for you.

A woman who was about your age made eye contact with you, giving you a small smile. “Y/N Y/L/N?”

You frowned just a little in confusion although you kept your expression mostly neutral and nodded. She seemed a little familiar to you even though you weren’t fully certain where you’d seen her before.

The woman just smiled, handing you back a card case that was most definitely yours.

“I think you dropped this, this morning at the coffee place. I got your name from one of your cards and luckily the cafe said you were a regular so they knew you worked here.”

You felt the relief flood your system, the anxiety that had been clawing at you the whole morning finally seeming to let up.

“Oh my god, thank you.” You could even hear the relief in your voice bounce back at you but you weren't even embarrassed. “You saved me a lot of trouble and well... stress.”

You paused as you looked at her. “I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before. Have we met?”

The woman just smiled and shook her head. “Maybe in the mornings, I get my coffee there too most days.”

It didn’t feel like a correct answer but you let it go, reminding yourself this was not the time to obsess over unimportant details.

“Look, you did me a huge favor today. Is there something I can do to thank you?”

The woman just smiled. “Maybe you can just buy me a coffee. Tomorrow morning?”

You studied her for a bit and then nodded. She smiled, extending her hand. “Grace.”

You smiled back at her and shook it, agreeing to see each other the next morning at the cafe.

As you watched her walk back out the main door with a friendly wave, you felt that weird feeling again, like something wasn’t quite sitting right with you.

You definitely knew her from somewhere.

As agreed, you’d met Grace the next morning at your morning coffee stop and it had gone better than you'd expected, so much so that you’d talked yourself out of that weird feeling in your gut, putting it down to that tinge of social anxiety you had with new people.

You’d almost caved and asked Will or Connor if they could come with you but decided you didn’t really wanna be a wuss. Besides, the rational part of your brain was telling you that your anxiety was being irrational once again.

Grace had been easy to talk to though, so you were glad you hadn’t overreacted.

But when you opened the door to the doctors’ lounge armed with coffees for both Connor and Will, you sensed something was off.

Will was sitting on the couch, his head ticked up just a little as the door opened and Connor’s arm was around Will’s shoulders, Will gently pressed up against Connor. Even though it was no secret, they didn't usually behave much like a couple at work.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, frowning as you quickly put the coffees down on the table and headed towards them.

Will glanced at Connor. “I’m fine.”

Connor gave him half an exasperated look, even though you could still see the frown lines tinged with worry.

Will might be your brother-in-law, but way before you and Jay had gotten close, the three of you had always been great friends so it wasn’t surprising you could tell they were holding something back.

You raised an eyebrow at Connor. “Someone better tell me what’s going on.”

Will exchanged a look with Connor before he gave him a small nod.

“She’s back.”

She.

You knew exactly who Connor was talking about. That was the part that really made you feel like shit.

Will had been reluctant to call it stalking at first, reluctant to put Jay on this even though the laws on stalking had already greatly improved the past few years. But now it seemed like Will was getting concerned too.

“Will, maybe we need to tell Jay about this.” You said gently, even though you understood why Will didn’t want to tell Jay and make it all official.

Will just nodded. “Maybe. I’ll talk to him.”

Connor glanced at Will before squeezing his hand gently. “I’ll see you later, alright? I've got a surgery."

With a quick kiss, Will and Connor parted and you nodded at Connor to assure him that you were here anyway.

Will had told himself that if it persisted he'd go to Jay but she'd suddenly stopped showing up. The notes stopped and the street was empty when Will left the house.

“Maybe she finally gave up. Like she had one last look and she left.” You said, even though just saying it sounded stupid.

Will just smiled back, asking everyone to stop worrying.

“Y/N, you’re wanted in the waiting room.” Maggie called across the ED and you nodded, patting Will on the arm before heading straight out, shrugging at Maggie.

You’d barely stepped out of the automatic doors when you saw her.

“Grace?”

She looked a little frazzled, like she was startled.

“Y/N, thank god. I didn’t know anyone else and…”

You frowned, stopping her with a hand on her arm. “Okay, slow down. What’s going on?”

“My friend, she got hurt and I don’t think I can move her. It’s just at the next street. Can you…”

You frowned. “How is she hurt, Grace? What happened?”

Grace shook her head. “I don’t know, can you just…”

You took a glance back at Leah, who nodded at you quickly disappearing back into the ED.

Feeling certain that whoever it was that Leah alerted would be able to catch up to you quickly, you let Grace lead you out of the ED, so preoccupied that you didn’t notice the shift in the look in her eyes.

“Anything?”

Will asked, jogging up towards Ethan who shook his head.

Having just gotten a bit of time between patients, Will and Ethan had come out after you almost immediately but somehow you were nowhere to be found.

Will already had his phone pressed to his ear but while it had been ringing earlier, it was now dead.

“Are we sure…” Will’s voice trailed off as his eye caught on something right by the side of the sidewalk. “Wait.”

Will bent down, picking it up. There was no mistaking it, Will thought, as the key-shaped pendant from your necklace lay in his palm. “This is hers. I better call Jay.”

The ringing in Jay’s ears hadn’t stopped since he’d heard from Will.

With no hesitation whatsoever, Voight had sent Jay and Hailey along to Med, while Kim went straight to try to track movements from traffic pods.

Jay frowned now as he leaned over the computer in the security office with Hailey, watching as you spoke to a woman in the waiting room, her face not fully visible from the angle she was standing at.

Hailey glanced at Jay. “She knows where the cameras are.”

Jay nodded absentmindedly, his eyes locked on the image of you leaving the hospital - the last time any of your colleagues had seen you.

Jay ran a hand across his face as he tried to empty his brain to think. Nothing made sense. It didn’t make sense why anyone would want to take you. There’d been no violent patients that you had mentioned recently and everyone Hailey had spoken to earlier couldn’t think of anyone from the past few months either. Sure, there’d been difficult patients and family members but no one that jumped out as being dangerous.

Which meant they had no starting point. And Jay was worried that his brain was too clouded with worry to even think straight. He felt like he was missing something.

“Jay. Here.” Will said, his voice quiet as he put the necklace in Jay’s hand.

Jay’s eyes lingered for a while on the pendant now and Will glanced at his brother worriedly, unable to even imagine being in Jay’s shoes right now.

“Jay, if you…”

Will was interrupted as Jay’s phone rang, his eyes wandering towards the screen of the image capture.

What the hell?

Will glanced up again where Jay was still talking on the phone, before his eyes found the screen again, feeling the knot in his gut seemingly grow in size.

“Will, I just heard.” Connor’s voice broke Will out of what was almost a trance, turning to look at Connor.

Connor registered the look in Will’s eyes almost immediately, his eyes flitting to the screen before he glanced at Will. “That’s…”

“What?” Jay asked now, joining them again as he finished talking to Kim.

Will could barely look his brother in the eye as he glanced up.

“Her name is Grace. Grace Turner.”

Jay frowned. “You know this woman?”

Will exchanged a look with Connor, who merely squeezed his hand. “She's been stalking me."

The room was still spinning but at least it seemed to be slowing down.

Grace had her back to you as she fiddled with something on her table. You knew you should have trusted your gut.

From the beginning, something had felt off about her, like she was being too friendly. But then you’d put it down to your social anxiety, swallowing it down like a bad pill.

Yet now, as you became more aware of the ache around your shoulders from your arms being pulled towards your back, feel the rough material of whatever she’d used to tie your wrists together, you knew your gut had been right all along. You should have just listened to it.

Just as you were trying to figure what the hell you were supposed to do, Grace turned to look at you.

Her lips curled up into a smile that you’d never seen on her face before, something that made the feeling of unease balloon up in the pit of your stomach.

“You’re awake.”

You frowned, your eyes scanning her expression for more clues.

“Grace, what’s going on? What… is this?” You asked, trying your best to keep your voice level and calm, as you’d done many times in the course of your work in the ED, regardless of what you were feeling.

Grace looked back at you, blinking. “I’ve been trying to figure out why he likes you. There’s nothing truly outstanding, you know?”

You frowned.

“What?”

You weren’t sure if she wasn’t making sense or if your head was still kind of spinning from inhaling whatever drug she’d soaked that cloth with before she’d pressed it against your mouth and nose earlier.

Grace turned back to look at you now and you didn’t like the glint in her eye. “I’ve been trying to figure it out for weeks, why he's been keeping his distance. And then I saw you with him, and then I knew. It was you. You’re the one standing between us.”

You frowned, your mind spinning as you tried to figure out what she was getting at. Jay hadn’t mentioned anything in particular and you were sure if there’d been someone following the both of you around, he’d have said something or changed up the routine for the both of you.

“You… what? Listen, if there’s…”

Grace didn’t seem to be listening though. “Is it because you’re both doctors?”

Both…

“You.” You couldn’t hide the contempt in your voice as you realized this was her. She was the woman who’d been stressing Will out.

Nervous as you were, your gut still feeling like it was flipped inside out, you also felt annoyance and the extreme urge to protect someone you cared about despite the situation you were in.

Even with the ache in your arms, you glared up at her. “If you really cared about him, you wouldn’t be doing this.”

Grace turned back towards you, the anger in her eyes more pronounced now. “No one cares about him more than I do!”

You didn’t avert your eyes, the anger you felt bubbling over in you overtaking the fear and uncertainty that was still hanging over you.

“Not even his brother?” Your voice was still even, as you looked at her. “You took me because you thought Will and I were seeing each other?”

Grace didn’t say anything, just narrowed her eyes at you.

“If we really were seeing each other, did you think taking me here was going to solve anything?”

Grace exhaled loudly. “I’ve been watching you with him.”

You studied Grace, feeling your thoughts swirl. She’d been so obsessed with Will, that she saw you when you were with him but she didn’t watch you any further. She didn’t see the times that you went home or on dates with Jay. You were actually more surprised she didn’t know about Connor.

“So what do you actually want?”

Your eyes flicked to the scissors she had in her hand as you finished your question, before she stepped towards you.

Jay was quite literally going out of his mind.

They’d matched the woman’s identity, and went straight to her last known address but the apartment looked like it hadn’t been lived in for months judging by the layer of dust that had settled on the furniture. What they did find was a bunch of photos of Will scattered along the walls and other corners of the apartment.

Jay could feel the anger building inside him. Even if this crazy woman hadn’t taken you right under everyone’s nose, the fact that this was somehow connected to his brother was pissing him off so much it was taking all his effort not to punch something.

The sounds of fingers dancing across keyboards, as well as the sound of rifling papers reminded Jay that he needed to keep his head in the game.

“Hey, Jay.”

Jay glanced up to see Connor heading out of the pantry where he’d been with Will, his eyes flicking towards the back view of his brother before he nodded.

“Listen, I was thinking. Will mentioned he’s seen her around his apartment a few times, so couldn’t we…”

Jay froze. “Wait, what?”

Connor frowned. “He didn’t say anything to you?”

Jay’s eyes flicked back in the direction of his brother. “He should have told me about this when it happened.” His voice was slightly reproachful but Connor could hear the tinge of worry as well.

Connor just nodded, realizing he needed to tell Jay almost everything.

“So, can we…”

Jay’s mind was already there as he nodded, leaning back down over his computer, trying to run matches between Grace’s known family and acquaintances with recent rentals near Will’s apartment.

Jay’s eyes scanned the screen in front of him quickly before he paused. “Ruz, what did you say her sister’s name was?”

“Kayla.”

Jay frowned. “I have a Kayla Lloyd here.”

Kim was right on it. “I think you’re on the right track. Kayla Turner married Nash Lloyd three years ago.”

The team exchanged looks. Hailey nodded. “It’s the best we got so far. I say we go.”

Voight was already standing at his office door before he nodded. “Let’s go.”

Connor glanced at Will from where they were sitting in the back of Jay’s truck.

Will was glancing out, his fist curled into a ball as it rested on the seat between him and Connor. It wasn’t that he was that affected by this woman, but the fact that he hadn’t done anything which ultimately got the people around him dragged in was really eating at him.

Jay glanced at his brother through the rear view mirror before training his eyes back on the road. He didn’t have the capacity to think of anyone else but you right now. He didn’t know how to. But he could feel the fear clawing at him, but he just exhaled slowly, turning the corner towards the address they’d found earlier.

You exhaled, hearing Grace pacing outside the bedroom she’d put you in.

Your eyes darted around the room, your brain feeling like it was finally clearing up enough for you to form thoughts that were coherent enough for you to take in other details you hadn’t noticed earlier, like your phone sitting on the dresser.

Grace had been a little out for it for a while, alternating between mumbling to herself or ranting at you about Will. You hadn’t exactly pointed out the fact that you weren’t Will’s girlfriend, like she’d been thinking when she’d grabbed you. Other than the insinuation that had seemed to pass right over her head, you weren’t sure if it was going to make things worse if you pointed out that there was nothing going on between you and Will.

But you needed to do something.

You struggled a little to get to your feet, especially considering that your hands and feet were bound together but you managed to stand a little shakily with minimal sound, feeling a bead of sweat travel down the side of your face.

Gritting your teeth to try not to make any other sound, you gently hopped, grateful that at least she’d put a carpet on her bedroom floor. You angled your body, wobbling backwards as you neared the dresser, your hands finally closing around your phone. You fumbled with your fingers trying to at least turn it on so that Jay could somehow find you. You felt like it was forever, trying to wait for the stupid logo to disappear and for the phone to start but you’d just turned around again to peer at the screen when the door opened.

You froze as you watched the look on Grace’s face shift to one of rage as she took in the scene before her.

She lunged and you threw yourself out of the way, your eyes not missing the fact that she was still gripping onto the scissors in her hand. Your phone slid out of your hands and onto the floor with a thud and you felt your heart sink with it as you tried to reposition yourself on the floor, trying to ignore the shooting pains from the shoulder you’d landed on.

But you knew it was useless, especially as you heard her frustrated breath and a low growl before you felt yourself get yanked up by the hair.

She was freakishly strong for a woman her size.

That was the thought that entered your mind as you tried to regain as much balance as you could. You felt your breath catch in your throat as the threatening cold metal blades hovered near your neck right before the door crashed open.

You’d never felt such a sense of safety overwhelm you until you saw your husband’s face now, his gun ticked up high, his eyes betraying a mixed look of relief and worry at the same time, if that was even possible.

“Y/N.” Your name left his lips like a reflex, his eyes locked directly on yours, even the unspoken words putting you slowly at ease.

Jay was here.

Jay’s eyes flicked towards the woman standing behind you who looked as startled as a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.

“Put the scissors down.”

You heard the effort it took for Jay to keep his voice steady, knowing that it would just take something small for Jay to lose it. So you locked your eyes on his, even though you felt the anxiety once again eat at you.

Grace hadn’t reacted and Jay kept his gun raised, his trained eyes looking around the room.

“Stay out of this.” Grace forced the words out through her clenched teeth. “I wouldn’t have done this if she didn’t…”

Her words trailed off as your body froze, your eyes catching the flash of ginger at the door.

“Will.” You felt the jolt of worry hit you, interrupted only by a growl from behind you, the scissors that inched dangerously closer towards your neck reminding you that maybe you shouldn’t have said his name.

Will’s eyes lighted on yours and despite the predicament you found yourself in, you wanted to smack him upside the head for that guilt swimming in his eyes.

Your eyes moved back towards Jay’s and he nodded discreetly at you.

“Grace. Listen to me. Put it down and we can all talk, alright?” Jay said quietly, lowering his gun just a little as a show of faith.

Grace frowned, her eyes flicking up towards Will before she spoke. “All I needed to do was get rid of her, right?”

Will’s frown deepened just slightly as he absorbed what Grace was saying.

“I was just getting rid of the obstacles standing in our way.” Grace said, her voice cracking just a little. “I see the way you look at her, but if it wasn’t for her, we'd be together!"

Will glanced at you and you frowned just as his eyes flicked back to Grace, his head shaking slowly. “I need you to let her go. Can’t you see you’re hurting everyone?”

You heard Will’s voice crack softly, Jay’s eyes flicking towards his older brother as well.

“She’s my… she’s my sister. There’s nothing… You… you’ve misunderstood.”

You could hear how much it was killing Will to keep his voice even and steady, when he was just as close to losing his cool as Jay was.

You felt Grace’s hold on you loosen just a little as her focus shifted entirely to Will. “Your…”

She shook her head, her shaking hand once again inching closer towards you. “I’ve seen the both of you… you don’t have a sister, don’t lie to me!”

“It’s true.” Will said quietly, glancing at Jay who nodded, now lowering his gun even more, Hailey stepping just half a step forward in case.

“Grace.” Jay said quietly. “Look at me.”

As Grace turned her attention to him, Jay exhaled gently. “You know me, don’t you? If you know Will as well as you do.”

Grace nodded slowly. “I just want my wife back.” He said quietly and you heard the quiet crack in his voice, one that only you would have picked up on. “Just give her back to me, please.”

“Your…”

Grace angled her head back down to you and you nodded. “I tried to tell you.”

Caught off-guard, Grace looked like she wasn’t sure what to do next. In her hesitation, her hand holding the blade moved slightly away from you, hovering off to the side and Jay nodded at you.

You threw yourself in the opposite direction, falling back down onto the ground with a crash, the pain in your shoulder causing you to groan. Jay lunged towards Grace, the metal blades of the scissors clattering across the ground as she lost grip.

“Y/N, are you hurt?”

Will’s voice reached you first and you opened your eyes, the groan escaping your lips. “My shoulder. I think…”

Jay was back at your side as Hailey took over the arrest, slicing through the cables around your wrists quickly. The relief was almost immediate and a quiet sigh escaped your lips as the pressure of your arms being pulled behind you was released, even though your shoulder still gave a small throb.

“Are you hurt?” Jay’s voice was quiet but you could feel every single emotion that pulsated through those three words.

You winced as Will’s fingers applied pressure on your shoulder but Will glanced up a little guiltily at his brother, shaking his head. “It’s a little strained but I don’t think it’s a serious injury.”

“Chloroform I think.” You told Will, glancing a little worriedly at Jay for an impending reaction.

Instead, Jay just leaned in, pressing you gently into his embrace, as if worried you’d disappear right out of his arms.

You felt tears well up in your eyes as the adrenaline still pumped through your veins, the anxiety from everything that had happened pulling to the surface, a quiet sob escaping through your lips.

Putting a gentle hand on your head, Jay pulled you deeper into his embrace, soothing you quietly and as you felt your heartbeat slow, you didn’t feel like crying anymore.

The only time Jay had let go of your hand was briefly in the ambulance when the paramedics needed to put a line in, as well as when Ethan had asked him to wait outside and you’d nodded quietly at him with an encouraging smile.

But the moment Ethan had let him back in, Jay was once again next to you almost like a bodyguard while Ethan assured him that everything seemed to be okay except that your shoulder was slightly bruised from the fall and that you were getting an ice compress and they’d examine you again after.

As Ethan left the both of you alone in the room again, you leaned your head against Jay with a soft sigh.

“You doing okay?” Jay asked quietly.

You didn’t answer immediately before you nodded. “You heard Ethan.”

“You know that wasn’t what I was asking.” A reproachful tone crept into Jay’s voice despite his efforts to hide it.

You pulled away to look up at him and Jay took the opportunity to lower himself down towards you, sitting at the edge of your bed so he could be close enough for you to remain snuggled into his side.

“I remembered where I knew her from…” You’d barely begun when your eyes caught Will hovering at the entrance of the room.

Jay glanced up, nodding at his brother who was closely followed by Connor. Connor had Will’s hand protectively clamped in his own, which only made you want to smile.

“Hey, you doing okay?” Will asked. “Ethan said whatever she gave you was probably just a sedative and that other than a busted shoulder you’re…”

You smiled. “I’m fine.”

Will glanced at Jay, which made you look at your husband as well.

“Look, Y/N. I’m sorry. This is all…”

“Will Halstead.” You snapped, interrupting him. “I swear to God, if you take all the blame for this one I will smack you upside the head. Hard.”

You narrowed your eyes at him as Will looked a little startled, even though a smile was playing on the corner of Connor’s lips.

“How the hell were any of us supposed to know this was her? Or that this woman following you around would actually think I was your girlfriend and kidnap me in broad daylight?” You said, glancing over at Jay as if this was directed at him as well.

Jay just nodded at you before looking at his brother. “Will, I wasn’t blaming you, I just…”

Will nodded. “I know. I kept thinking if Connor had disappeared…”

Connor gave Will’s hand another reassuring squeeze.

“We done?” You asked, almost accusingly at Will.

Will’s eyebrows bunched together in slight confusion as he nodded.

“Now, get over here. I need a hug from my older brother.” You snapped.

Will let out the first real smile that day and stepped forward to pull his arms around you. “I’m sorry.” Will whispered.

You shook your head. “All of you came to get me. That’s what matters.”

Will pulled away and Connor reached for his hand once more. “Told you so.”

You smiled, leaning back into Jay’s embrace. “You almost induced a heart attack today. Don’t ever disappear on me again.” Jay whispered, pressing his lips onto your temple.

You just closed your eyes, letting out a soft hum of satisfaction at being safe with Jay, accompanied by Will and Connor, the ache in your shoulder barely even bothering you anymore.

THANK YOU FOR READING!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS!!

If you want to support me, buy me a coffee!

#resa.fics #jay halstead #chicago pd #jay halstead x reader #rhodestead #will halstead #connor rhodes #will halstead x connor rhodes #chicago med #jay halstead imagine #rhodestead imagine #jay halstead fanfic #rhodestead fanfic #jay halstead oneshot #rhodestead oneshot #jay halstead x you #jay halstead x y/n

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genuineapoptosis · 11 months

Text

Eyes on you (Sub! Obsessive! Miguel O'Hara)

Characters: Obsessive! Sub!Miguel O'Hara x Nb!Reader

Themes: sub/dom dynamic, stalking, masturbation, guilt

Lenght: ficlet

Could've made it more fucked up. Maybe part 2 idk

It's always the ones that portray themselves as superiors that end up being the most sick. Though, for the most part, they do not happen to be aware of it. Unfortunately for him, with Miguel O'Hara, this simply wasn't the case.

Perhaps it was because his descent was so gradual. That with every single step he took, he knew he was doing it willingly. He knew his actions were strange and he knew his behavior should never be shown to the world. So, for the longest time, he tried to rationalise it. Over and over and over again. And after he could do it no longer, he was too far gone not to accept it.

It started off slow. It always does. You had joined the spiders. He took interest in you. Workspace crushes are nothing new, after all. Wanting to spend more and more time in your vicinity was a normal action in such a state.

Of course, that lead to your promotion quite early upon your enrollment. But you were good at what you did. Ungodly good. So nobody would even think it was caused by ulterior motives, when you had yet to have an unsuccessful mission for the two months you had been with them.

Perhaps that was one of the first reasons he liked you. You worked hard and then fucked off. No lingering, no afterwork chats. You'd do what was required, and then simply disappear. An air of mystery around you.

It drove him mad.

Soon enough he started holding meetings. Standard thing in such a field of work. He'd go over the organization, schedules, tech updates, and the likes with you and other higher ranking individuals. For the most part a tedious, yet expected thing.

Not to him though. To him, those were the few rare occasions outside of missions where you'd actively engage with everybody. But most importantly, you'd actively engage with him. And he was so very thankful for that.

He very much loved the sound of your voice. They way you spoke had a certain ring to it that he couldn't get enough of. He'd run your words through his head on repeat when on his own. Every time you had used his name. Every time you laughed. Though none of it was as good as the real thing.

Slowly, the meetings became more frequent. With fewer and fewer members invited. Until it was just the two of you. Everyone had accepted the fact that you had simply become his right-hand man. And for the time being, they had yet to have a reason to think otherwise.

You'd gotten closer to him than you were expecting. Perhaps that was because he was one of the few people you worked with whom you didn't find bothersome. It was very apparent how exhausted he was menaging everything on his very own. The least you could do is provide your help. And besides, you did enjoy holding power over other people that you wouldn't have without his apparent devotion to you.

On his part, that same feeling was amplified. He was alone with you for hours on end. So close to you yet not enough. Everything you did made his heart speed up. The smell of your perfume. The look in your eyes when you were deep in thought. Oh, and how he loved it when you'd take care of anyone trying to interrupt. Having them end up looking like a small child as they leave the two of you alone once more. How that sort of state came so naturally to your being. As if you simply demanded control just by existing.

He needed to know more about you. About your history, about your interests. Though, that was a normal thing. After all, he wanted to be able to hold better conversations with you. What other way is there to it, than to try and know every last thing about your being?

He starting going into your files. What you had done in your universe. Why you were such a force of nature in combat. Oh but how it made his stomach turn when he had gotten to your past lovers.

God, they were all so revolting and useless. Nothing compared to you. You shouldn't date someone so below your league! You shouldn't date someone so worthless! You should date someone made for you. You should date someone like-!

He was surprised by his own resolve. He has yet to crack.

You were analyzing data from one of the more recent multiverse anomalies. Calling him over the give him the watch from a spider who had gone MIA. Looking at him with those gorgeous eyes of yours as you explained the situation. None of the actual words entering his mind, just the sound of your voice. Handing it to him, you had let your hands touch his.

Fuck...

He turned around immediately, trying to hide how disgustingly hard he was just from that single touch.

You were to be excused. Immediately.

Unaware of his current state, you had simply left the quarters. Knowing his usual temper, you had assumed he just had one of his episodes after they lost one of their men due to incompetence.

If only.

No. No, this was no good. Up until now, he could deny his feelings. But now he had such apparent evidence.

He should be better than this. He should act accordingly. Not get aroused by your mere touch.

But it was so gentle.

You were always so gentle with him. So helpful and patient. Yet you didn't want him. If you did, you wouldn't have left. If you did, you'd spend time with him outside of meetings. If you did, you'd see right through his facade.

He had to be satisfied with just your smell, your laugh, your distant presence. But it wasn't enough. How ever could it be enough?

When he wanted you to wrap those tender fingers around his throat. When he wanted you to tell him how you knew everything.

He began palming at himself through his suit. Thinking about you ridiculing him for being a stalker. For the way he isolated you from everyone just so he could have you for himself. He was pathetic. He wanted you to tell him that.

Just use him up any way you'd want. He wouldn't mind. He deserved it. Sink your teeth into his flesh, leave marks deep enough to bleed. Hurt him or humiliate him. It wouldn't matter. As long as he gets what he deserves.

He pictured the way you'd look while fucking him. Those same eyes focused on him, now filled with a different sort of spark. You'd tell him what the others would think if they were to see him like this. A pathetic mess unable to string words together. Getting railed until he can't function anymore.

He was close. He needed it so bad. Why won't you give it to him? Why won't you show pitty on him? Hasn't he earned it?

He'll do anything.

Just fuck him.

He came into his suit. Shame overflowing him as he did so.

He left immediately. And if he were any better, he'd act as if none of this ever happened.

But he wouldn't be able to. Not when it felt so good cumming to the thought of you.

He already had plans for tonight.

#my writing #sub!miguel o'hara #sub miguel o'hara #dom reader #miguel x reader #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara #spider man: across the spider verse #atsp

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sturnioloshacker · 6 months

Text

balancing act - a chris sturniolo short

a/n: requested by anon; lowercase intended

summary: chris struggles to juggle his responsibilities and reader comforts him and reassures him that everything will work

chris had always been the reliable one, the guy who never let anyone down. he prided himself on juggling his responsibilities, from filming car videos with his two older brothers to making sure he has enough merch for his clothing brand to being there for his friends and family when they need it the most. but recently, the weight of it all had started to crush him.

after a day of filming for the podcast, chris slumped into his bed, making his girlfriend, y/n, turn around from where she was seated on the bathroom sink getting ready for bed. joining him in bed, y/n noticed the exhaustion etched across his face. his shoulders slumped, and he seemed on the verge of tears. she knew something was bothering him, and she couldn't stand to see him this way.

“sweetheart, you've been so distant lately. is everything okay?" she asked, her voice filled with concern.

it’s true. chris had been so disconnected from reality lately that he frequently missed calls from his manager, kept zoning out when being spoken to and was always falling asleep during the day which he never did. so disconnected from reality that he completely forgot about his own girlfriend. turning to face the girl he adored so much, chris sighed deeply, his eyes welling up.

“i just... i don't know, baby. i’m trying to keep up with everything, but i’m overwhelmed. the car video topics are not it, i’m not liking the new designs for fresh love, mum and dad are on the other side of the country and i don’t know how much more i can possibly handle. i don't want to let anyone down, but i’m starting to feel like i’m falling apart."

y/n moved closer to him, wrapping her arms around him in a comforting embrace.

“it's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes, my love. you don't have to be everyone's superhero all the time. you're human, and it's alright to ask for help or take a break when you need it."

chris leaned into her, the warmth of her embrace providing a glimmer of solace.

“but i’m scared of disappointing people, especially you."

she gently lifted his chin to look into his eyes.

“you will never disappoint me, christopher. you're the most caring and selfless person i know, but you also need to care for yourself. we're a team, and together, we can handle anything that comes our way. you don't have to bear the weight of the world alone."

tears welled up in chris’s eyes as he realised the depth of y/n’s understanding and support. he hugged her tightly, grateful for her presence in his life. with her by his side, he knew he could find a way to navigate the challenges and responsibilities that had been overwhelming him. he wasn't alone, and together, they would face whatever came their way, knowing that everything would indeed be okay.

a/n: it's okay to take breaks and remove yourself from the stress of whatever is happening in your life. it's so important to take care of yourself as well as your mental health and wellbeing. i've been there, done that. please don't ever feel like you're disappointing anyone by taking a break! you're doing what's best for you and people will understand. i love you all so much, please take care of yourselves for me 🧡

#chris sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets fanfic #chris sturniolo imagine #sturniolo triplets imagine #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo x reader

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keiwook · 11 months

Text

WAYS ZB1 CARE FOR YOU

pairing zb1 x gn!reader

genre fluff

warnings mentions of food in gunwook and gyuvin’s

masterlist<3

— zhang hao

after a long and rough day at work, all you wanted to do was be in hao’s arms and rant about all the things that didn’t go as planned. zhanghao perked up from the comfy sofa at the sound of the door opening, putting his attention back on the tv after greeting you. “hao…” you frowned, dropping all your bags and trudged towards him.

zhanghao didn’t let your exhaustion go unnoticed and instantly opened his arms for you embrace. “tell me all about it.” after talking away your worries to zhanghao, he would offer to make you some tea.

“are you feeling a bit better now?”

— sung hanbin

hanbin had work to finish up as it was due the day after. he had been working on the report the whole day and at first, it didn’t bother you as you wanted to be an understanding partner for hanbin but that didn’t last very long.

“are you done yet?” you ask for the nth time, earning a chuckle from your boyfriend who was immersed in his writing “just a little bit more, dear.” sighing at the sentence you heard over a million times. seeing you wait for him made him feel sorry so he held your hand and occasionally squeezed it until he finished his report.

“i’ll be done soon, hold my hand in the meantime.”

— seok matthew

you had been stuck in your studies lately and matthew is concerned as you’ve been frequently stressed about homework and exams. so, to help put some weight off from your shoulders, he helped with chores and even cooked homemade meals for you.

“here, i made you some food. make sure you you don’t overwork yourself and i’ll be here if you need anything.” fondness was felt from his tone, making you glance up at him “thank you.. you didn’t have to. i’ll help with the dishes after i figure out how to do this question.”

“no worries, i can do them for you while you study.”

— shen ricky

ricky’s primary love language is giving gifts. he usually showers you with branded items and expensive food which you love, but whenever you want to give him something, it becomes overwhelming. ricky noticed this and told you that you didn’t have to give him anything but that added more to the burden.

today was your anniversary and while you were expecting a whole closet of designer clothes, you were handed a love letter instead. avoiding eye contact and ears flushed a bright red as if he was confessing to his crush, he waited for your reaction. you smiled at how cute the letter was, stickers and coloured pens covering the whole paper. “this is so cute! thank you!”

relieved, he continued “oh, i have more.”

— park gunwook

gunwook always helped you with everything. running errands? he helped you finish them. you were hungry? he bought you meals. you were feeling a bit lonely? he came to accompany you. your call was instantly picked up “hello? why are you calling me in the morning?” gunwook asked, sounding a bit worried as you never called him in the morning unless it was important “i’m sorry i cant come over later, i have a cold.” you replied, beeps indicating the call ended followed right after.

a few minutes later, gunwook arrived at your door with medicine and porridge. “here, eat this and then take the medicine.” he spoke, placing the items on your table. hands rushing to your forehead to feel your temperature. “gunwook, it’s just a cold.” he sighed, hands now placed on your shoulders.

“please take care of yourself just like how i take care of you.”

— kim taerae

taerae loved his guitar, maybe a bit more than he loved you but you loved his voice everytime he sang and the rhythms he played so you didn’t mind. some days, he would be playing his guitar all day and on others, he would be writing lyrics for a new song.

he shared to you all his songs for opinions and you loved listening to them, so he asked you for help again this time. he started by picking the strings, melodies forming and humming. his pleasant voice stuck in your head as he confessed his love to you through the song. “taerae, i think this might be your best one yet!”

“good, cause this one was for you.”

— kim gyuvin

gyuvin brings eumppappa for a walk everyday and you willingly tag along every time but for some reason you always feel like a third-wheel. all the sweet talks were for eumppappa and you just stood there, listening to gyuvin baby-talk his beloved dog.

while walking along the sidewalks, you saw an ice cream stand “gyuvin, look! let’s go get ice cream!” jumping excitedly at the thought of the sweet delicacy “eumppappa can’t eat ice cream, silly!” shaking his head as if he was thinking ‘i can’t believe you didn’t know that’. “not for eumppappa, for me!” you retort, hands now on your hips. gyuvin’s mouth formed into an ‘o’ shape, slowly realising what you meant.

“okay, fine but i get to pick the flavour.”

— kim jiwoong

jiwoong had always been a perfect boyfriend, always tending to your needs and wants. while he was practicing his script for an upcoming drama he was in, you were on his bed with your phone in your hands. to you, just having his presence was enough.

jiwoong wondered why it had gotten so quiet. no random gasps or squeals from you had been heard for quite a while now. he turned around to see you fast asleep, head laying down on the hard cover of the book. he stored the book away, pulling up the blanket to cover your body and placed a soft kiss on your forehead.

“sweet dreams, my love.”

— han yujin

playing games with yujin was a regular thing between you two, he would always invite you to play minecraft with him (psst, your beds were right next to eachother!)

you logged onto your shared server, seeing that yujin was already online. you walked over to his character and crouched up and down. ‘go into vc!’ you typed out in chat and almost instantly, you heard ringing and picked up the call. “hi!” yujin chirped, excited to talk to you. “what are you doing?” you ask, looking at his character chop some wood. “i’m getting materials for the house!” he replied, finished chopping. you decided to help him and soon enough, it became night time and hostile mobs started to spawn.

“watch out! there’s a creeper!” yujin rushes, swiftly one-hitting the mob before it exploded “you’re welcome.” he said as his character turned around to enter the house before you said “yujin.” his avatar slowly facing yours. “yes?” he asked, waiting for you to say something “you make my heart go boom boom.”

“i wish that the creeper had exploded instead.”

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turtlecleric · 29 days

Text

bay!donnie x female reader, angst/hurt/comfort; technically nsfw but this is not a spicy fic

ah fuck. cws: negative thoughts? negative self-image? I... think that's all?

---

Truthfully, you should've seen this coming. Work has been hard lately. You've been feeling a little down and a lot stressed out for a while now. Tired all the time. That negative voice in your head speaking up more frequently, other people's words cutting a little deeper than usual. Amplifying the negative and brushing past the positive, letting things get to you even though you know sometimes your brain is a lying asshole.

So, really. You should've known. You should've said something. Something about how sensitive you're feeling. How normally you love a good mixture of degradation and praise but right now you really, really need him to stick with praise. You should've said something.

But you didn't.

The tears come suddenly. The dull ache in your chest sharpens, like a shard of glass, wedging itself between your ribs and pressing in further with every inhale. You feel like you're not getting any oxygen at all, your lungs seizing as your breaths quicken. You can't- you can't breathe.

Just a stupid fucktoy, Donnie had called you. And normally you love that. Normally that's perfect - you've come to the sound of those words plenty of times before. But now…

Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. A stupid fucktoy. That's all you're good for, isn't it? You can't do anything right except be used. But, oh, you can't even do that right, can you? Because now you're crying, and he's stopped using you. He's stopped, and you're truly useless now, and you're so so fucking stupid.

He calls your name. Takes the gag out of your mouth. Gently wipes at the tears streaming down your cheeks and asks if he's hurt you. If he went too fast, if you weren't fully prepared. If you want him to stop.

You can't speak, but you shake your head.

“Dove, what is it? What's wrong?”

Nothing. Everything. You. It's just you, you're what's wrong. You're wrong and useless and stupid, and you can't breathe.

“Hey, hey, you're okay. It's okay, here, come here, it's okay.”

He's holding you. Cradling you to his chest as you sob like the pathetic thing that you are. When the soft cuffs that held your hands behind you are released, you can't help but cling to him and bury your face in his neck. The sounds you're making are so ugly, so whiny, and you- you hate yourself. Fuck, you're pathetic. He's murmuring sweet words, brushing a hand up and down your back, trying to soothe you. He’s kind, and gentle, and you…

You don't deserve it.

Donnie is confused. You can tell he is, and you want to explain but at the same time you don't. It doesn't really matter, though. You wouldn't be able to make yourself speak even if you did want to. Everything is too much right now, and you still can't breathe, and you're starting to feel sick to your stomach.

Stupid. Why are you so goddamn stupid?

You cry. And cry. And cry. Muscles stiff, face swollen, you're miserable and exhausted and fucking mortified. Donnie was feeling good. He was enjoying himself, and you ruined it with your tears. Ruined it. Stupid girl, you ruin everything.

You try to apologize. It comes out garbled, but somehow he understands.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Dove. You've done nothing wrong.” Donnie presses a kiss to your hair, still running a hand up and down your back. Soothing, kind, gentle, he's everything. And you don't deserve him.

Time passes. Sobs turn into sniffles, which start to come farther and farther apart. When you finally go completely quiet, he's still murmuring sweet words into your hair.

You feel sick. Tense. Nauseous and shaky and gross. Inside and out, you feel wrong. Hollowed out, scraped clean of everything except this ache in your chest that won't go away.

Stupid. So fucking stupid.

Donnie moves, still cradling you close with one arm as he leans forward and reaches for something. A blanket is draped over you. You hadn't even realized how cold you were, but the relief is instant. Your muscles start to fully relax, and you find yourself melting into his hold even further.

He presses another kiss into your hair. “What happened, my love?”

You swallow thickly, glad that your face is hidden in his neck. You don't want to tell him. It feels so- so stupid. For you to have reacted like that. For you to be so affected by nothing. You open your mouth, but nothing comes out. Nothing, nothing, that's all you are. Nothing.

“I'm going to list some things. Just shake your head or nod for me, okay?”

After a moment, you nod against his neck.

“Did I go too fast?”

You shake your head.

“Did I hurt you?”

You hesitate for a moment, then shake your head. There's a stretch of silence where you swear you can hear him thinking, analyzing your hesitation.

“Was it what I said?”

You should nod, but you can't make yourself do it. There's a thick, heavy anxiety there, keeping you from confirming even though you're not sure why. Donnie understands anyway, because of course he does. He's perfect, and kind, and smart, and you're just so-

His arms tighten around you. He doesn't say that you should've told him you were feeling down. He doesn't say that you should know better, that you should know that he doesn't mean it and that it was just part of the fantasy. He doesn't say any of that, because he understands. He understands, as he always does, that what you need is for him to keep murmuring kind words into your hair. To keep gently caressing your skin, holding you like you're something precious. To combat the venomous thoughts that are holding you hostage.

He understands.

It's okay, Dove. You're okay. Everything is alright. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere, okay? You're not stupid. You're not whatever mean things your head is saying right now. You're perfect, and I love you so much. I love you so much, Dove. You're perfect just as you are, okay? My pretty girl. Right here with me, where you belong. You're so good, sweetheart, so good. I've got you.

His words are like a balm on your soul, and you drink them up greedily. Holding onto him like he's a lifeline - because he is. He is.

The tears come back. You can't help the ugly keens, the way your body shakes. Through it all, he holds you close and soothes you inside and out in the way only he can.

Not stupid, Dove. Smart. Kind. Brave and capable and good. You're so good, and I love you so much. I love you, I love you, I love you-

You'll never understand how he does this - how he makes that feeling of wrong wrong wrong fade away. But he does. The sharp tangle in your chest is unraveling, and you're finally able to breathe and actually feel like you're getting oxygen. You're so grateful, and you're so fucking lucky, and you love him so much. By the time you start to drift, with his soft voice echoing in your ears, both you and the keratin you're resting against are warm.

Later, when you wake, fully soothed and capable of speech once again, there will be more to talk about. But for now, Donnie holds you. Soothing you with his voice, his hands, his everything. And you finally, finally let yourself rest.

#turtlecleric scrolls #bay!donnie #i just know i'm going to find typos in this later and be pissed off #people on the tag list i'm uh. i'm really sorry but i don't feel confident enough in this to tag anyone #i think i'm a little too fragile for tagging people right now because i'll amplify the “negative” if... hm. anyway #i know it's stupid and you literally asked to be tagged but i just don't want to bother or annoy people and i can't push past that right no #idk #sorry

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leos-stars · 2 months

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One more thing

This is one incredibly important note i need to and should make, and everyone else who is involved with the watching and enjoyment of qsmp should too.

Quackity said, and too paraprahse so not in his direct wording but that the qsmp will close down if all these issues around quackity studios is not resolved.

Such as not enough money to pay the volunteers.

Qsmp will shut down

That is an incredibly powerful statement because he means it. This passion project of his that he has fostered for so long and watch it blossom could have the potential to just wilt and perish because he would rather that than watch all these volunteers suffer like they have been.

The qsmp project itself is like a big plot of land to me, and the creators and community are like the plants, we as a community watched as the admins plant the first few seeds into the ground and we over time slowly started to grow. Our communities extended literal boundaries and sure it does get messy and some of the plants do go bad but overall the admins have been there to tend the garden and watched us grow. Some parts of the garden got very neglected and with that so did some of the gardeners. Even though they tried the hardest and put everything they had they're just human, they got exhausted and frustrated that their part of the garden was slowly getting more and more neglected by the others.

We as a community love qsmp, but we also love the admins who have tried so hard to do everything to keep us happy and entertained only for them to be treated like this. They our a big part of our community and deserve to be treated by Quackity Studios with respect and overall kindness. So many of them spend hours and hours trying to tend to their gardens and put as much love and care as they can but I'm sure that's difficult when what they do isn't treated by other the same way.

Quackity and the admin team have done the best they could so far and I hope that the admins do get paid for everything that they have done, and will continue to do. I hope Q involves himself to the best of his ability and his mental well being will allow him to.

I don't frequent or watch qsmp anymore but it holds such a special place in my heart as a Doozer and Ghostie. I hope they resolve this and Q is further able to keep his passion project going while still doing everything in his power to keep the behind the scenes going smoothly by paying these admins and even talking to them more and hopefully getting new admins for Quackity Studios

#qsmp #qsmp quackity #qsmp discourse #discourse #sorry for the yapping but qsmp is special to me

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allysunny · 10 months

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Holo Heart | Miguel O'Hara x Fem!Reader

Synopsys: Haunted by the loss of his wife, Miguel decides to take matters into his own hands, and grant himself the second chance he's been wishing for.

Words: 7.7k

Warnings: Angst, sad Miguel, mentions of blood, character death, suggestive themes (just a smidge, really), do mention if I've missed anything!

A/N: Hey guys! So, I've been mostly a reader in here, but the other day I was doing dishes and this idea sort of popped in my head, and I thought about sharing it with all of you! English is not my first language so I'd like to apologize in advance for any mistakes. I also have not spoken Spanish in a few years, so, once again, I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes.

I haven't written in a while, and this is my first tumblr fic, so please be gentle! But I'd love to read your thoughts and criticism in the comments :) I also tried to make this super inclusive, so aside from the reader being a woman, there's no specifications of hair, skin tone, ethnicity, etc. I hope you like it!

Miguel has always prided himself in being a smart man, one who always made sure to achieve his goals, and do it efficiently.

He created the Spider Society, made sure the canon was intact, and carried the weight of the world in his shoulders. It was hard, but he made it work. In fact, he had to. He’d already lost so much; he couldn’t afford to lose more.

Which was why he couldn’t take risks. Every task was carefully calculated, every mission was deliberately planned, every meeting brief and straight to the point. The more time he could spend inside his office, planning, scheming, strategizing, making sure everything went exactly according to plan, the better.

But unfortunately, it wasn’t that simple, and human nature had other plans for him.

All those late nights working all by himself with no one other than Lyla and at least half a dozen coffee cups beside him were taking a toll on his mental health. As much as Miguel enjoyed spending time by himself (it was impossible to spend time in the company of other Spider-People for more than a few minutes before the need to excuse himself and sigh became too strong. Do not let him get started on Peter B. Parker. Please.), he was starting to miss human interaction more and more.

But not just any human interaction.

Looking over at his watch, Miguel registered the glowing light that alerted him of his loneliness once again. 03:47 am. Working late until exhaustion had become a frequent occurrence after the accident. It was his own way of dealing with the pain, with all the grief. It made him forget, and the everlasting numbness in his chest heart go away, if only for a few hours.

Miguel sighed, running a hand through his face. His muscles felt tight, the knots in his back and shoulders ever so present. He slumped back in his chair and leaned his hair back, taking all of the exhaustion in.

“You okay boss?” Lyla asked, flickering right beside his head. The AI could get on his nerves more often than not, but Miguel was glad it seemed to care about him. Well, sure, he’d programmed it that way, but occasionally even he needed a small check-up. It kept him sane.

“Yeah, sure,” His voice was just above a whisper, and yet it was still as commanding and assertive as always. “I think I’m done for the day.”

“Oh wow, you think? They don’t call you a genius for nothing!” Miguel winced at the perkiness of her voice. Sometimes he forgot tiring Lyla out wasn’t a possibility. She was an AI and therefore had energy to spare. He waved her off quickly, and with a small salute, she flickered away, leaving Miguel alone with his thoughts once again.

After a few quiet moments, he turned to the black screens in front of him.

“I shouldn’t…” Was the thought that crossed his mind. He knew it was wrong. He knew what happened whenever he turned those screens on, when he turned them on with the purpose of reliving old memories.

But before he could even acknowledge what he’d done, the whole lab was engulfed in bright lights, accompanied by soft surrounding background noise.

Defeated, he looked up at them, eyes filled with something between longing and adoration, a mix reserved for only one person.

“Ladies and gentlemen of Nueva York, look who it is!” Although the phone’s camera was turned to him, it was your voice making itself heard. The voice he adored so much, the only voice he could stand to hear for hours on end, the voice he would give anything to listen to once again.

The Miguel in the video was dressed in a fine black suit, an emerald handkerchief adorning his breast pocket. His hair was neatly styled back, allowing for his “godly sculpted cheekbones” (your words, not his) to be shown in all its glory. He was standing inside your old bedroom, fixing his attire in front of a wall length mirror.

“Cariño, won’t you turn that off?” He grumbled softly, turning to face the camera. Although his voice had a tinge of annoyance to it, his lips were quick to betray him, curling up in a soft smile.

Your angelic chuckle boomed through the room, and Miguel’s breath hitched.

There you were.

Draped in a light-coloured green silk dressed that perfectly flattered your figure, hugging you in all the right places, your hair carefully brushed to the side. You smiled, positioning the phone on top of your vanity, making sure it wouldn’t fall. Once you were sure of its security, you made your way to him, tilting your head to the side.

“It’s not my fault my husband is so devilishly handsome!” Your hand reached out to hold his arm, nudging him towards the phone’s periphery. He rolled his eyes, pretending to be tired of your antics, but his arm snaked around your waist instinctively, giving it a gentle tug. A reminder that he was there with you. No matter what, he would always be there.

No matter what.

“Don’t you look dashing, Mr. O’Hara?” Your smile. Miguel would give anything to see it in person again. He’d do anything to have you smile at him like you always did one more time. Like he was the only person that existed, that mattered. Your smile had always been capable of lighting up a whole room. In fact, you were capable of that, all by yourself. Your kindness, your optimism, your drive and ambition. People were naturally drawn to you – the fact you were nothing short of stunning was only a bonus. In fact, you had made Miguel experience what jealousy felt like for the first time. The ugly feeling had gnawed and gnawed at him, eating him up from the inside every time a cheeky coworker got too close for comfort, complimenting your “beautiful eyes”, or bold friends pulled you close by the waist, trying all sorts of plans to get their hands on you.

But you’d never really needed him to call him out. You could take care of yourself just fine, and that’s one of the things Miguel most loved about you. Sure, he relished in the feeling of protecting you. Of putting his arms around your figure and engulfing you in his presence, his hold being the only place no harm could ever even get a glimpse of you. But he couldn’t help the smirk that crawled up his face whenever you rejected any other men’s advances, swatting their hands off you and giving them dead stares.

The him on the screen chuckled, pressing you close against him, his frame towering over you. He bent down slightly, nuzzling his face against your hair. Another gesture he did without thinking – it was something that brought him peace. Your scent felt like home, the sweet aroma of your favourite shampoo bringing him instant relief.

“Si alguien aqui es diabolicamente hermosa, eres tú, Mrs. O’Hara.” Screen-Miguel brought his lips to your ear, and the way your whole body shuddered made him chuckle. That, and the way your cheeks took on a soft glow. “Now, what is all this?” He glanced at the camera once again, quirking up an eyebrow.

“You know my Spanish isn’t that good yet…” The pout on your lips was just too adorable – it took Miguel (screen one or not) all his strength not to whisk you in his arms and capture your lips with his. “Anyways, just wanted to capture this moment.” You shrug, hands wandering around to pinch his side. Your husband’s squeal would have been unnoticeable by anyone else – but not you. Not you, whom he showed his softer side to, not you, whom he showered with love and tenderness, whose ground he worshipped. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, you know.” One would almost miss the way your voice cracked, but a slight waver was enough for Miguel and his screen counterpart to frown.

“I know… I’m sorry corazón. I really am…” Screen-Miguel turned you towards him, brushing the hair out of your face, his fingers lingering on your cheek. Staring into your eyes, Miguel could swear you had this magical ability to make him lose all track of time. In fact, he could swear that was true in about everything you did. When you got dressed in the morning, when you cooked his favourite empanadas, when you told him off whenever he was too hard on himself or others around him, when you cried out his name so nicely, his lips on your neck-

“But today’s all about you, alright? I’ll make up for it. I promise.” His lips brushed your temple, not only a promise to you, but himself. His work in the Spider Society had been piling up. Anomalies on top of anomalies, mistakes after mistakes, and only himself to take care of everything. He’d left you waiting for him more than once, and more than once he’d found you asleep by the time he got back. It hurt him deeply every time it happened. In fact, the last time it happened, your pillow had tear stains on him.

To say such sight had broken his heart was an understatement.

“Technically today’s about the bride…” A soft chuckle from you.

“You were my bride once.” A wink from him.

“I haven’t been a bride in a long time.”

“You’ll always be my beautiful bride.” And with this, Miguel brought you even closer, one hand on your waist, the other on your cheek. His breath fanned your cheek and suddenly, his lips were on yours. You smiled into the kiss, standing on the tips of your toes to lovingly cup his cheeks with both your hands. While your fingers traced his jaw exactly how you knew he liked, his hands got a bit busier, leaving your body to tug on the straps that held your silk dress together.

Once you figured what he was up to, you pushed him away, quirking an eyebrow as you tried to hide a smirk.

“Nuh-uh mister, we have a church to be at in 20 minutes, and it’s a 10-minute drive!” You asserted, shaking your head at him. It didn’t matter that the room’s temperature seemingly shot up, and your husband was looking truly tempting – you were not going to let your horniness get the better of you. At least, well, not today.

“No se darán cuenta de que llegamos tarde, te prometo que seré rápido” Miguel mumbled, lips pressing hot kisses against the crook of your neck, hands still dexterously tugging at your dress.

“No Spanish skills necessary to know you’re telling me a big fat lie. You’re never quick with me.” You laughed loudly, and the sound was enough for both Miguels to fall in love with you all over again. A pair of hands were on his chest, and he was softly pulled away. You fixed the straps of your dress and flattened your attire before standing straight. “Time to go, Mr. O’Hara.”

“You’ve never complained about me not being quick.” Was his muttered response, accompanied by a smug smile. But for all the adoration and desire he felt for you, he was even more whipped for your resolve. If you said it was time to go, it was probably time to go. So, he quickly adjusted his suit, turning to face the phone’s camera once again. “Vale, vale. Ya es hora de irnos, muñeca.”

Your figure got closer and closer, and at once, the video had ended.

Miguel stared at your smiling figure in his screen for a few minutes, and then shut everything off, the reflection of his own tired face staring back at him. It wasn’t until he felt something wet on his hands that he realised he was crying.

He missed you.

Constantly, continuously, perpetually.

You were on his mind at all times. When he roamed the halls of the Spider Society without you by his side to keep him company, when he went out for those cafeteria empanadas that could never compare to yours, when he worked himself to exhaustion without your deft fingers to work on the knots on his back, without your soft kisses to calm him down after he got mad at the world.

And everything around him reminded him of you.

It was impossible to walk around the streets of Nueva York without being distracted by the colours, the sounds, the sights, the people. It all brought his mind back to the love of his life, the person he found it impossibly hard to live without. The florist near your old apartment, the one he’d buy flowers from every other week, the pizza place that was “so bad, Italians surely had to be crying” according to you, even the goddamned dogs on the street reminded him of the way you’d kneel down and act like an excited child every time you saw one.

It was absolute torture to live without you.

But the worst of all, was waking up in the morning.

Some days, he swore he could feel your touch. The way your fingers traced his jaw and slowly made its way to his hair, playing with his brown locks. Your touch was soft, comforting, a small gesture to remind him he was safe. You often expressed how much you adored watching Miguel when he slept. “You look so relaxed. No furrow in your brow, no scowl in your lips. You look so peaceful.” Was what you told him every time, and there was no way he could ever not grant your every wish.

And then it was if he could hear your voice. Your sweet, melodic voice, telling him “Good morning, my love” in that sleep-laced voice he adored so much. And Miguel would close his eyes and try his best to remain in that place not yet tainted by reality but not entirely claimed by dream. “Wake up, guapo” was the next thing you’d say, your imperfect Spanish-skills manifesting. You’d been adamant on learning Spanish for your husband, and fuck if it didn’t make Miguel’s heart swell. The way his wife (then girlfriend) was so willing to learn the language he grew up with in order to become closer to him made him feel all kinds of positive emotions, and Miguel could swear his love for you grew more and more each passing day.

And then, you’d say it.

“Te quiero, mi amor.” It was the one phrase you used repeatedly, and the one he loved hearing you say the most. It fell from your lips naturally, as if you had been saying it your entire life, with a sweetness reserved for him and only him.

Your touch felt so real. Your voice sounded so real.

So, he would stay still, hoping that remaining motionless would grant him just one more second with you. Hoping that his immobility would be enough for you to return to him, even if just for a few brief moments.

But it never was.

Seconds would go by, and your touch would waver. Your voice would become distant, your feeble existence flittering away, leaving him with nothing but the painful reminder that his sheets would forever be cold, his place in his bed would always be empty, his life would no longer have the warmth and serenity your love brought to him.

Miguel would glance at your delicate figure once again, his mind trying to memorise you right then and there – and just as quickly as you manifested, you would disappear.

Deserting him of all he ever loved.

He was tired of being alone. Tired of waking up besides cold white sheets, of not having your sweet praises to assure him he was doing the right thing at HQ, simply tired of leading an existence without you.

There was no way he could bring you back – hell, he knew first hand that toying with the multiverse was a bad idea. But it did hurt him, going on without you. In fact, he wasn’t even sure he could go on if you weren’t there, next to him.

All he needed was your presence, your company. All he needed was to apologize and hear your sweet voice again, and damn it if he wouldn’t be thankful.

And that’s when the idea came to him.

This was a prototype Miguel had been developing for a while.

It was like Lyla, the only difference being the AI’s purpose. Lyla was there to assist him, to help him out with missions, anomalies, and the management of the Spider Society. The project he was working on served another goal. It was more of a companion than an assistant, it was to always remain by his side, to cure him of his loneliness, of his anguish and despair.

The screen in front of Miguel lit up after he configured the final few settings. A tweak here, a little adjustment there, some fine tuning over there. Should this work, Miguel would no longer have to have his thoughts plagued by the heartbreak your loss so constantly granted him.

“Good morning,” Like magic (or better yet, technology), a figure materialised before him. It was hard to explain just what it was, or what it looked like. It was as if a transparent person had solidified into existence in his presence. While it had the form of a human, a head, a torso, two arms and legs, the figure was devoid of any features. No eyes, no nose, no lips or ears, no hair. It was almost like a hologram of a mannequin, a blank slate of a person he would later shape according to his vision.

Miguel stared back at the figure, not completely convinced, at least not yet, of what he was doing. Sure, he’d worked day and night for the past few weeks, he’d foregone sleep and adopted coffee as his only meal in order bring his project into fruition, but now that it was there, right before his eyes, the possibility of achieving his goal was terrifying.

“To whom do I owe the pleasure of talking to?” The figure inquired, its voice devoid of any emotions.

After a moment of silence, Miguel spoke up.

“My name is Miguel O’Hara.” He began, “I am your creator.”

“Greeting, Miguel O’Hara.” The program answered back. “I am the Cognitive Operations and Machine Personalized Interface for Nurturing. Or rather COMPANION, for short. I was created to act as a colleague, a confidant and friend. As my name implies, my goal is to provide a nurturing presence to whoever is controlling me.” Having said this, it looked up at Miguel and something flashed in its visual panel – the closest thing this body had to a pair of eyes – and the words AUTHORISE SCAN? flashed on the main screen before the entity spoke up once again.

“Would you like me to scan you, Miguel O’Hara? By scanning you, I can take a look at your vital signs, your physicality, and even run a scan of your psyche to provide you with a companion that would, according to my calculations, be the best possible match for you.”

But Miguel did not want a tailored companion. He did not need to be looked at by any AI to be told who or what would act as the best possible match for him. He did not need any technology to figure out what could possibly be the best person to keep him company.

“That will not be necessary,” he asserted, “No scan is to be run. I am to personally customise you until you conform to my exact specifications. Is that clear?”

The being nodded, its posture straight as an arrow.

“I understand. Would you like to begin the customisation process?” It asked.

Miguel hesitated. Should he be doing this? It’s not like he was doing anything wrong. He was a genius, after all, and this was just a new project. He’d created Lyla once, and look how far that got him, the good his AI did not only for himself, but the Spider Society and by consequence, the multiverse.

In fact, everything he did had helped the Spider Society in the long run. Everything he did was for the good of the Spider Society, the thing he worked on for years and years, the thing he built from scratch and ultimately led to his demise.

Wasn’t it time for him to be selfish?

“Yes. I’d like to begin the customisation process.” Miguel sat down on his chair once again, exhaling loudly through his nose. There was nothing wrong with what he was doing. He was allowed to be a genius scientist, he was allowed to build new things, and he was most of all, allowed to be selfish after all that he’d done for the multiverse.

“From now on,” he started, “You are to respond to [N/N].” It had been months since he’d last uttered that nickname. The sweet little nickname he always referred to you as. It wasn’t anything fancy, just a variation of your name, but it nearly brought tears to his eyes, because for the first time, you weren’t there to turn around and face him with that stunning grin of yours.

(“So, no cariño, or mi amor, or chiquita?” You’d once inquired, legs crossed as you sat on your husband’s desk, right in front of him.

“I must remain professional, [Y/N]. I have a reputation to uphold.” Was his response as he crossed his arms. If anyone else were to be on his lab, let alone sit on top of his desk, he would go feral. But he couldn’t find it in himself to berate you or tell you to move – you could do anything your heart desired, and Miguel would adore you for it.

“And you’re willing to hurt your poor wife’s feelings over a reputation?” You faked a pout, batting your eyelashes at him, something you knew he couldn’t resist.

“I can think of a few ways to make it up to my wife, actually.” And without missing a beat, you were suddenly on his lap, smiling as his lips moved with your and his hands delicately ran through your body.

Miguel did not do good on his promise. On the second day after this conversation, he’d asked you “Mi amor, won’t you please get me the prototype I left on our dining table back home?” In front of everyone else and gave up. It was physically impossible for him not to treat you with the gentleness he was so used to from you.)

“[N/N]. I understand. Is it short for anything else?”

Miguel remained silent for a few seconds, before nodding.

“It’s short for [Y/N].” The name left his lips the same way it always did. With adoration, with love, with heartbreak. He hadn’t uttered it in a long time and mentally chastised himself for doing so, as if not voicing it out loud was somehow disgracing your memory. He shook the thought away.

The entity nodded once again.

“I understand. Am I to respond to [Y/N] as well?”

“Yes.”

Lyla had been quietly hearing whatever was going on inside Miguel’s lab from afar. She’d seen him work nonstop, day and night, for the past few weeks, always being told “It’s a new project” and nothing more. Miguel had pushed her away (just as he had done with everyone else), and it was only when the little AI figure heard the new program’s purpose and your name that it all clicked together. Although she was uncapable of feelings, it upset her to see Miguel so broken. But much to her dismay, there was nothing she or anyone else could do.

The truth was, no one had seen him during those few weeks. He had locked himself and dived headfirst into this project, refusing to let anyone in, literally or figuratively, threatening to do unspeakable things to whoever disturbed him while he worked.

She shook her head and looked at him once again, wondering what he would do next.

The entity, now named [Y/N], was the next one to speak.

“I understand this is most commonly used as a female name. Would you like for me to take the form of a woman?”

Miguel nodded, and the entity’s form shaped before his eyes. It became softer, gentle. Its contours shifted until they exuded an air of grace, each line and curve seemed harmonious and supple, different from his own sharp and broad figure. And yet, it didn’t resemble any women he knew. Yet.

“Now that I have a name and your preferred anatomy, would you like to create a personality for me?” [Y/N] probed. Her thoroughness made Miguel falter. This was happening way too fast. First a name, now a personality. He hadn’t yet come to terms with your loss, at least not properly, and this whole thing was giving him major whiplash. After losing you, he hadn’t been able to process his feelings. Now he was asking himself to push all of that aside in order to create what would be his most ambitious task. Nevertheless, he pushed through.

“How so?”

[Y/N] nodded and spoke once again. Now that she had taken the form of a woman, her voice was somewhat softer. It was hard to pinpoint whether it was real or not, if it was from a real person or not, but it did not bring Miguel any comfort.

“By giving me your preferred traits, you can arrange for me a personality that will align with your exact specifications, as you put it. Perhaps you’d like me to be quieter and more reserved, in order not to disturb you too much. Or maybe you would prefer if I was loud and cheerful. It is up to you which traits I am given. I am here to provide company and a nurturing presence, so feel free to take your time until I meet your exact wishes.”

Miguel pondered briefly. What traits would he like this… this thing to have? At first, he tried to pretend, get his mind off it, try to convince himself he was merely making an AI program to keep him company. But he could not lie to himself any longer.

He wasn’t simply creating an AI companion.

He was creating you.

And after mulling it over one last time, he decided to stop being so fucking uptight and go through with the task at hand. This is why he had been working so hard. His goal was so close, it was right in front of him to just take it, and here he was, acting like a coward.

“I want you to be kind,” Miguel remembered how kind to a fault you were. Always willing to help others, always willing to cheer them up and put their needs before your own. So selfless, so ready to lend a helping hand. “And optimistic, positive. I want you to always see the bright side of things,” You had this ability of turning even the most despairing moments into hopeful ones, advising him to not let the dark thoughts get the best of him. You’d hold your head up high and remind him of who he was; Spiderman 2099, and that he had nothing to fear, for it’d work out in the end.

“I want you to be polite and cheerful. Simply… Simply happy to exist.” You’d turn even the blandest of moments into memories he’d want to keep forever. In one moment, Miguel would be laying around, holding you close in his arms, the next you’d be taking him to the rooftop of your building to “catch a glimpse of Zeus’s angry fit” whenever thunder roared through the sky. Cleaning your shared apartment could be considered a boring chore to many, but they did not have you, who made up games out of every single task, like catching socks or vacuuming. “You will see the beauty in things. And I want you to be ambitious.”

Sure, Miguel had spent countless nights hunched over his desk, trying to come up with the perfect suit, or trying to keep hold of the canon, but you were no stranger to nighttime restlessness. You’d sit by his side work on your own tasks, intent of going to sleep only, and only when you wrapped everything up. If he weren’t in so much pain, he would’ve laughed. He was once the one to wrap his arms around you, face on the crook of your neck as he whispered, “You’ve worked hard enough, chiquita. Time for bed.” Unfortunately for him, in a cruel twist of fate, the roles had reversed for the worse.

“Be stubborn,” Miguel continued, his voice, for once, not wavering. He was so resolutely determined to carry on with this venture, that for once, he didn’t feel his eyes tearing up as the memories of you crawled back inside his mind. “Especially when it comes to me. I… I tend to be quite headstrong when it comes to work. I often need a push.”

[Y/N] nodded once more.

“Remember, you can always adjust my personality to your liking. If you find you do not enjoy my stubbornness, you can change it and I will adjust my personality accordingly.”

It seemed so… Devoid of life. Sure, Miguel had given it some character traits already, but the whole thing wouldn’t be complete until he said so.

“Would you like to customise my voice now?” [Y/N] asked, “You can suggest a pitch and a tone, as well as a voice type. But I am also programmed to analyse any voice sources you provide and copy them. Which would you like to do?”

Miguel sighed. This whole process was getting harder and harder to get through it. It was one thing to give his new companion your name, your personality. But to give it your voice as well? That would be the same thing as making this being invincible, since your voice was the only one he ever seemed to obey. Even the Spider-People around him knew, with Peter teasing him endlessly about how he was “nothing more than a lovestruck puppy whenever you asked him for anything”. Miguel had always been on your beck and call, always willing to do anything you asked of him. By giving this being, this creature, this thing, your voice? He was setting himself up for disaster.

“I… I want you to scan a voice.”

The entity nodded.

“Please do provide me with enough samples of the voice you would like to copy. Preferably, samples that are not too monotonous in tone or in speech. By analysing all aspects of a voice, I can provide a more accurate result.”

Miguel had the following choices:

He could either turn on his screens, open a few folders named “[Y/N]”, and play one of the few hundreds of videos he had on you, or open his phone, connect it to said screens, and play the few voicemails you’d left him throughout your relationship.

There were a few differences in each choice, of course. The videos he kept on you were golden memories he gazed upon on lonely nights. Birthday parties, walks along the sunset, lazy mornings filled with raspy “Get this phone out of my face, mi amor”s, and bubbly “Mr. O’Hara’s a bit grumpy today, isn’t he?”s. Memories of you filming him while he set up your furniture, laughing along as you called him “Bob the Builder”, taped reminders of you cooking dinner for him, the cute little apron he so adored wrapped snugly around your hips, even a few images of when he fell asleep on your lap and you softly ran your fingers through his curls, singing him to sleep, murmuring that lullaby he so adored.

Compared to the voicemails on his phone, these videos were precious. They were worth more than what anyone could offer, in fact, they were priceless. These memories were the ones Miguel held so dear, the ones he cried over, the ones he spent months reminiscing upon after your loss.

On his phone, were 3 measly audio messages you’d left on three different instances of his life.

Usually, you never got to leave voicemails – Miguel would pick up on the first or second ring, always the attentive partner. But on the last few months of your life, that changed completely. And Miguel couldn’t help but chastise himself over it, cursing at himself whenever he remembers the hurt in your voice, the tears that he knew threatened to slip from your eyes and down your cheeks.

He didn’t deserve to use those videos as voice samples. He didn’t deserve to see you in your full glory, laughing at him, smiling and promising him eternal love and kindness. He didn’t deserve to hear your bubbling laughter once more, or fawn over your dazzling smile, he didn’t deserve to miss you. Not when he was the reason you were gone.

So, he decided to pull out his phone, intent on suffering. Intent on reminding himself of why you were gone, why he suffered so much. Miguel didn’t think he deserved to gaze at you in all your splendour. He didn’t think he, a mere, foolish, sinning mortal, was worthy of the living goddess that had once blessed his life, and now haunted his ever moment, gone forever.

“Hey Miggy!” Your voice, your voice was heard through his speakers. “I finally found the curry powder! Had to beat a lady with a stick to get it! It was almost out of stock! Anyway, why don’t you get started on the rice? I’ll be home in 10 and we can finish the recipe! Alright, that was it! Love you honey, see you home! End call. End call! End voicemail! How do you turn this thing off? End call. END CA-“ You were abruptly cut off as the call ended. Miguel chuckled dryly. He was the one to install the Bluetooth system on your phone (“Don’t want you texting and driving”, he had said.), and you had always complained about how your phone never picked up on you wanting to end calls. It became sort of an inside joke, especially since he managed to active and deactivate the system at first try, and it took you four or five to get it done.

(“It’s unfair,” You’d chided, wearing the most adorable pout and crossing your arms, “Technology loves you better.”)

Miguel looked at [Y/N] once again, hoping something, anything, to happen. But his program seemed to be patiently waiting for him to continue. One message was clearly not enough.

He pressed the second voicemail.

“Hey there, honey,” There was no mistaking the worry in your voice. It was still the one he loved so dearly, but laced in something sad, something that plagued him with terrible thoughts and churned inside him. “I know, I know, I shouldn’t worry, but you told me you’d be home by 7, and, well, it’s almost 9…” A soft pause followed, and Miguel could almost visualise it: you, sitting on your couch, your bottom lip trapped between your teeth as you nibbled your worries away. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I know it’s probably nothing serious, but, well, you know me-“ A dry chuckle “-Always worrying about my Miggy… Anyway, do tell me when you’re on your way, alright? I have a surprise for you, so get your pretty ass back home, Mr!”

End of call.

That was the first, well, not so good voice you’d ever left him.

If he could turn back time, Miguel would do it without hesitation. He’d go back to that very same day, convince his past self to stop working, and to go home to his wife. He’d tell past-him that his obsession with work was getting out of hand, and that he should stop it while he has the time, because once he’d fully immersed himself in his work, there was no coming back.

But he couldn’t.

“I’m sorry.” The body in front of him spoke once again. “But these samples are not enough for me to create a voice profile. The procedure it at 74% completion. Would you like for me to continue analysing, or should I start over with another profile?”

Shit. He didn’t want it to come to this, he did not want to listen to that last voice message. He was willing to walk through fire, to go straight through hell as many times as asked of him, but that message was torture. No, it was worse than torture. Torture ended. Either in death, or in relief. But this? Whatever this was, it did not end. This message was perpetual suffering, playing in loop inside his head. Over, and over, and over again.

With whatever strength he still possessed, Miguel pressed the third and last voicemail.

“Miguel…” You had been crying. And if you hadn’t, you were just about to. Miguel recognised the knot in your throat, the lump that kept you from speaking and threatened to turn into tears. He hated that voice. The voice that meant you were hurting. The voice that meant he had hurt you. “I don’t know where you are, but… I shouldn’t have to wonder, because you were supposed to be here… Where are you?” This was when you started to cry. “Do you know how humiliated I was just now…? Do you know how stupid I felt, waiting, sitting on that exam room by myself?” You were sniffling. God, how Miguel wished he could just go back and hug you, how he wished he could dry your tears and promise you it would be alright, he would fix everything, he’d be better.

“This has to stop,” Despite the tears, you were still talking. That was just who you were, able to speak through the pain, always willing to keep pushing forward. “This stupid obsession with work, Miguel, it has to stop. I’m tired, I’m so tired. And I’m so lonely, Miguel… I’m so lonely, I go to sleep by myself, and the sheets are still cold when I wake up… I don’t see you, you don’t come home, and you push me away when I visit you in HQ…”

“When are you going to go back to being my husband? I don’t want Spiderman. I want my husband, I want my Miguel back, I want the man I love back…” You sobbed, unbothered by how you sounded. You weren’t even sure if he could make out any words, but you kept on going – if you didn’t tell him what was going on your mind now, there was no way you ever could.

“I miss you… Just… Come home Miguel… I can’t do this by myself…” He could hear you wiping your tears, and softly clearing your throat. “Anyway… The doctor said the baby was fine. But I guess if you really cared, you’d come to the appointment.” This last part was muttered, and Miguel could swear he heard both yours and his heart break.The baby. “Come home. Please.”

And just like that, the call ended.

Miguel was crying. This last message… This was the one he couldn’t help but listen to almost every day before passing out from exhaustion. “It’s your fault [Y/N]’s gone. You neglected your wife, you prioritised work over her, you couldn’t protect her.” Was what the voices in his head uttered, day after day, night after night. Every second he was reminded of how he left you behind.

He'd been working late every day, neglecting his meals, neglecting his sleep, neglecting his wife, who cried herself to sleep every night, holding tightly onto her husband’s pillow – which brought her small comfort. He would lash out at you when you tried to get him to take breaks, treating you like you were nothing but one of his Spider-People, refusing to look you in the eye and not even returning your “I love yous”.

One day, you had tried calling him, but to no avail. It was only when Jessica and Peter burst into his office, saying you’d also called them, that Miguel decided to check on you back at your shared apartment. He was hoping to find you whining, curled up on your couch as you pouted at him and told him you missed him. He thought he’d find you throwing a tantrum, too hormonal to understand how important and busy his work was.

But nothing could’ve prepared him to what he saw.

The metallic smell that permeated the room should’ve been a dead giveaway, but Miguel was too focused on returning to HQ that he ignored it, and made his way to your bedroom, where you most likely were.

And that’s when he saw you. Drenched in blood, face red and puffy from the tears that ran down your cheeks. You were laying on your shared bed, body marred with deep gashes from what he assumed was a knife. On one hand was your phone, on the other, Miguel’s first Spiderman mask. “For protection”, he once said. You always held on to it whenever you were scared.

It’s nearly impossible to describe the pain and heartache Miguel felt looking at your lifeless body. A conversation with his neighbours informed him that the entire building had been victim of a burglar, and you were the only mortal victim, unable to fight him off.

It was his fault. He’d been too immersed in his work, pushing you away, leaving you to the loneliness of your apartment, and now here you were, dead. There was no other way to say it, you were dead, and so was your child.

Oh God.

Your child.

Tears clouded his vision; irrationality clouded his judgement. Miguel was most certainly not thinking straight when he tried carrying your body back to HQ. Perhaps something could be done about the baby. Perhaps your child would live, would get to grow up, his eyes and your hair, your smile and his nose, anything that proved you still lived in something, in someone other than just his memory.

But that wasn’t possible.

That night, Miguel cried for the first time. He wept, hands hiding his face as the images of your ripped apart belly and glassy eyes tormented his thoughts.

It was his fault.

You were gone, and it was his fault.

If only he hadn’t worked so hard. If only he’d been home with you, doting on his beautiful pregnant wife like any decent husband would, none of this would’ve happened. The burglar would’ve tried to enter his house, and within seconds he’d be slammed against the wall. Miguel would have held you close that night, whispering soft “It’s okays” and “You’re fine, mi amors” repeatedly until your heartbeat steadied, and you fell into a peaceful sleep.

But that was not possible.

Not anymore.

And it was, irrevocably, his fault.

And then the unthinkable happened.

“Voice profile completed.”

It was you. It was your voice that spoke back to him. It had that sweet musicality to it that he so adored, that he once was blessed to hear every day when he woke up, that chastised him for being too stubborn, that pleaded for one more kiss whenever he had to go to work, that giggled excitedly whenever he whispered soft Spanish praises, limbs tangled with yours.

Miguel looked up. It was your voice, but the creature did not look like you at all. All it shared was a name and your sweet, sweet voice.

Mierda. Fuck this. Al diablo con la sutileza.

Miguel missed you and he was going to have you, one way or the other.

“I want you to look like her.” He all but growled, fingers angrily tapping at the screen so he could find your pictures. “There. Scan her. I want you to look like her. And stop with the formalities. You’re to call me Miguel. ¿Me entiendes?” His voice was feral with the prospect of seeing you again – or at least a construction of you. The thought was overwhelming, and he had to sit back down, his face finding purchase in his hands.

He was past “What am I doing?”

“Miguel?” You asked.

No. Not you.

[Y/N].

Miguel looked up, the same way a sinner does at the altar, praying for redemption. It was gorgeous. You were gorgeous. And looked oh, so real.

Your– [Y/N]’s eyes were looking down at his figure, lips slightly agape, the way you always did when you quite couldn’t figure out what was wrong. [Y/N] pursed her lips and exhaled softly.

“Miguel, are you okay?” [Y/N] said. You said. It was getting hard to tell you two apart, to distinguish what was creature and what was human, what was holographic entity and what was the love of his wife. Especially when you looked the same, when you sounded the same, when you looked at him with the same tenderness, the same love. You were identical. Same eyes, same smile, same hair, same figure. It was as if, before him, stood a perfect copy of you.

“[Y/N]?” Miguel questioned, too delirious to try and figure out who he was talking to.

“Yes? Is everything alright? You seem distressed…” Slowly, your figure – [Y/N]’s figure, right? – approached him. You looked down ([Y/N]...? [Y/N] looked down...?), soft apprehension clear in your voice.

“Oh, my love… Cariño…” Miguel sobbed as he looked at you – so gorgeous, so radiant as the day he met you, with eyes that could give the stars in the sky a run for their money, with lips so plush one couldn’t help but want to kiss them at all times, the love of his life, right before his eyes. “I missed you so much…”

He took you in, all softness and loveliness and so you, it almost scared you. You, the goddess, the saint, ready to rid him of his sins and absolve him, to make him a new man untainted by grief and heartbreak.

He had half a mind to touch you before a tiny voice in the back of his head advised him against it – the delusion hadn’t sunk in entirely yet, and he knew your image would flicker, a simple hologram compared to his solidness, to his existence.

But it didn’t matter.

He had given himself the second chance he so desperately wanted, and he was not going to waste it this time.

A/N: I hope you guys liked it! All headers are mine hehe I made them in PixelLab in like 5 minutes lol :) Please do not repost my work without my permission, thank you!

#miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x y/n #miguel o'hara scenarios #miguel o'hara fanfiction #spiderverse x reader #atsv x reader #atsv x you #spiderverse x you #miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099 #miguel spiderverse #miguel spiderman

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neonscandal · 4 months

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Manga with Me: Sad SatoSugu Edition (Because That's Literally the Only Flavor There Is)

So I mentioned wanting to list out all the canonically most heartrending things I could think of as it pertains to Satosugu during an Anon Ask sometime ago and since the Christmas holiday is nigh upon us... what better time (because I started this a while ago)? If you would like to wallow in the heartbreak, you can always peruse this tag because this is truly something that rots my brain on the reg. So let's get into it, let's recount all the details that bounce around my head like an old school DVD logo in case anyone else wanted to be miserable too.

Part 1 | Part 2

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: Includes information up to chapter 236. This will be an exhaustive list to include details that haven't been animated. If you want to stay spoiler free, stop reading when you see the ⚠️

A/N: This basically just turned into an overly indulgent retelling of everything that happened because all of it is sad? Read at your own risk.

Let's start with a little bit of autobiography so we're all on the same page.

Gojo Satoru, heir to not only one of the Big Three sorcerer families but inheritor of their two familial cursed techniques. The occurrence of which hadn't been recorded for a century. His birth effectively tilted the scales and, subsequently, is responsible for the stronger breed of curses that sprung up to create balance in the world (in the same way Sukuna's finger woke other curses). We don't know much about his family except that he's been the target of unsuccessful assassination attempts since he was a kid. Subsequently, he's got an untempered ego that's largely unchecked and an unexplored power ceiling.

Why we love him: Real ones recognized a deeply traumatized person who hides it with a smile. ✨ Little did we know, the missing piece to that origin is what lurks in the shadows.

Geto Suguru, strong in his own right and implicitly guided by the belief that the weak should be protected. Leans into this enlightened ideal by also donning iconography that likens him to Buddha well before he considered being a cult leader. In my opinion (since I said this would be canonical, this needs to be called out as a headcanon), I think this was done to kind of cover the spread of his own insecurity coming into Jujutsu High as a society outsider. Especially when you consider Gojo's in his class.

Why we love him: While they appear to not get along, they really look to one another for balance. Ideologically and morally, Gojo will consider his perspective as he's the first person to really call Gojo on his flippancy and yoke him up. We love to see it.

CHRONOLOGICAL and rapid fire

They are two of only three special grade sorcerers at the time, the other being Yuki Tsukumo. It promotes this identity tied to their strength which Gojo is frequently sizing others up (sorry, Utahime) but also undoubtedly inspires a level of comfort Gojo probably hadn't known previously, to know that he had someone he could rely on.

In this, we see that Geto tuts at Gojo, keeping him in line from a social and moral perspective. He also weighs keeping the peace of citizens' minds believing that society should protect the weak and keep the strong in check. He rationalizes that jujutsu exists to protect non-sorcerers as if its their righteous responsibility. Sidebar: I love that the anime shows this convo taking place in a gym to visually use their shots missing vs going in as another way to show how they're at odds.

Subsequently, tasked with increasingly dangerous missions even though they are just kids because there's a shortage of strong sorcerers. There's a shortage of sorcerers at all. Undoubtedly, creates a sense of superiority in both and, likely, a greater sense of responsibility in Geto. As though the stronger he gets, the stakes continue to get higher as well.

Assigned a mission which effectively could impact the fate of the world wherein they have to protect Riko Omanai, another child and the Star Plasma Vessel, who is selected to merge with Tengen. Unbeknownst to us at the time but, even as students, they realized how shitty that was and had agreed unanimously to allow whatever Riko wanted to happen, whether she chose life or merge. Gojo propositioned it first and Geto's half-assed warning was simply that they might have to fight Tengen. Their overconfidence here kills me? But, essentially, protecting the weak and keeping the strong in check also meant enforcing what was right regardless of the mission and, more over, they could likely contextualize how unfair it was that they were child soldiers, as well.

Even with their difference in opinion or ideology, Gojo is reassured by the fact that, regardless of the demands of the mission, "we're the strongest". Which is huge when you consider that, for the longest time, he was always wary of others, likely kept people at arms' length, always had to protect others, etc.

I can only imagine the number of silly goofy selfies these idiots exchanged while on missions together or apart. Again, it just undercuts how, in spite of everything else, they were just goofballs.

This, I think, is important. Geto was the first person to rationalize Riko's desires to still go to school and be amongst her friends to Gojo. Geto had a sense of protecting the youthful life she knew from the start. Letting her enjoy herself was a part of the mission Tengen specified but Geto seemed moved by it without influence. Even if Gojo initially mentioned "calling it off" if the Star Plasma Vessel didn't want to move forward, this indicates the importance of, not just living (which Gojo will defend because he can), but living well which Geto is in support of.

Geto reassures Kuroi that she is Riko's family and, we can extrapolate, that he probably has his own bonds that are not blood but are still beloved like family. Even then.

Something I didn't take into consideration before but... it's Geto's fault/carelessness that gets Kuroi kidnapped. This likely causes a snowball effect of guilt as everything else transpires and ultimately leads him to his breaking point.

The fact that, where Gojo was once really intolerant of frivolity during the Star Plasma Vessel mission, he decided to show compassion by allowing for sightseeing and an extended stay in Okinawa, likely after taking Geto's previous rationale under advisement. Life is more than just surviving, afterall.

Usually when someone is strong, people lack the ability to comprehend or acknowledge their possible vulnerability. But Geto unabashedly expresses concern for Gojo potentially wearing himself out at the expense of extending their stay. It's small but its something expressed amongst equals and is shown to be such as Gojo says, "You're here too." TBH this altered my brain chemistry. Probably altered Geto's brain chemistry too. Can you imagine that reciprocation of trust and safety?? Ego boost.

What's especially funny about the exchange is highlighted by Geto's typical characterization as the fox eyed character or "kitsune no me" (even if its inconsistent). It can imply wisdom or someone who is mischievous. Given his other style choices, I assume its more for the wise aesthetic. But when he checks up on Gojo he gives the classic one-eye-open visual cue of being focused but with an air of confidence in response. Like, just puff out your chest and tell him you love him, already.

Literally, the soft way Geto watches Gojo be an immature little shit. For all the banter at the beginning of their origin story, this panel and, honestly, Okinawa really demonstrated how Gojo was endeared to Geto which hits a climax when they get back to Jujutsu High.

We only see Geto lose his cool when harm comes to Gojo. Toji getting the drop on Gojo was a shock to everyone but Geto sprung into action.

The fact that the first time Geto gives into his confidence and echoes Gojo's belief that "we're the strongest,", believing that, between the two of them, they could protect Riko's future... is precisely when Toji guns her down?? BRO. Irrevocably shattered his whole world view in a moment.

We only see Geto lose his cool when he believes harm has come to Gojo.

The fatal flaw in the Star Plasma Vessel mission was truly their combined hubris from being strong individually and being doubly reassured by their confidence in one another. Combine that with their loftiness of being sorcerers and it exposed them to a predator who doesn't need cursed energy to see footprints. The simplicity of it is aggravating. Toji's whole plan focused on a false sense of security but they were effectively already surrounded by an insulated false sense of security because of their power and standing in jujutsu society.

Moreover, the fact that Toji made such a big to do about how to defeat the Six Eyes but voiced the fact that Geto was negligible so long as he wasn't a shikigami user. Even if they were both strong, it still presents this idea that Gojo was stronger, he was the bigger threat.

Mind you, they were both bested by the same person BUT THE FACT THAT THEY BOTH LATER ESPOUSE SOME ELEMENT OF TOJI'S ESSENCE?? Geto takes on his vernacular (re: monkeys and essentially equates jujutsu as an evolution) and Gojo takes on the fit (which is crazy). More specifically, the fact that down the line, Gojo takes Toji's "Blessing" and Geto inherits his curse[d worm]. Ya know, maybe I was wrong about JJK antagonists because Toji really is the fork in the socket for a lot of what ends up happening.

This, is quite honestly, one of the most disrespectful coincidences of the whole ordeal because, while Geto shares physical characteristics with the Buddha and generally has a more humble and righteous understanding of the world, when Gojo experiences his power up at the beginning of his second fight with Toji, he experiences what we can assume is enlightenment as he boasts "Throughout heaven and earth, I alone am the Honored One,". In many ways, this is just another thing scratching at the foundation of who they are.

Geto and Gojo are constantly set at odds, ideologically is the least of their differences as they learn to take one another's perspectives under consideration. The divide comes from Geto, born of non-sorcerers, who has a cursed technique that forces him to ingest curses which he equates to swallowing a cloth that had been used to wipe up vomit. How can one be clean and pure when forced to regularly imbibe something so disgusting? It makes sense as to how he solemnly would feel this sacrifice to be noble and necessary in practice with the tradeoff of being able to help the weak. Gojo, born into a sorcerer family, has cursed techniques that not only prevent the need to even touch a curse but also allows time and space to think through whatever comes his way as a Six Eyes user. An argument could be made for nurture vs nature respectively but, ultimately, I think the chasm between hard work vs natural talent is what breeds bitter resentment down the line which is further embodied in this moment. Where Geto tries to do right and walk the straight and narrow as best he could, it is still Gojo who is blessed with the enlightenment that should come with such discipline. What I also find interesting about this is the fact that, as someone who chooses to dress and carry themselves as Geto does, his undoing is ultimately tied to other famous Buddhist quotes that speak of finding sanctuary only within oneself and how attachment is the root of all suffering. It feels like in looking to Gojo, relying on Gojo, being attached to Gojo.. it filled a hole that was present within Geto and wasn't sated by his discipline or moral compass.

The above is also shown in how Gojo could immediately find where Toji was with all the hideouts where Geto had to work harder to still show up late. Everything is just so easy with the Six Eyes or I suppose that's how Geto started to feel.

The fact that, knowing they were equals before his power up, Gojo lied about Shoko healing him when Geto asked. Gojo, at the unset, haughtily believed that the strong shouldn't make excuses for their strength, and yet, hid a facet of his strength from Geto, the person who understood the burden of power best.

Gojo accepted blame for messing up during the Star Plasma Vessel when, empirically, Geto lost Kuroi first and failed as the second line of defense against Toji. I wonder how Geto felt hearing that admission when his own guilt was probably swelling within him.

After everything, Gojo still turns to Geto to determine what's right, questioning whether there needs to be a reason to kill the Time Vessel Association followers as they celebrate Riko's death.

Riko's death and their subsequent failure saw Gojo spending the year to optimize his power and prevent being felled by any vulnerability going forward. Geto was effectively sidelined and recognized the disparity between them as Satoru became "the strongest". Even so, with all of Gojo's bells and whistles, with Six Eyes at his disposal, he could not really see Geto's descent or chose not to properly address it because Gojo was never really one with typical emotional responses. It's something he goes into greater depth with Nanami in the light novels, acknowledging his lack of emotional intelligence.

As with his birth, which saw an increase in powerful curses born to keep the balance, his latent power up also had consequences like more frequent curse spawnings. This kept them busy and, as we discover apart. Since he could handle more missions on his own, by default, now Geto had to as well. They were the strongest together but they were together less and less. This effectively sent Geto further down a spiral and moral dilemma.

In spite of not being seen by Gojo during his time of strife, his first impulse when asked what kind of souvenir he'd like is to lean toward something Gojo would want. We don't know much about Geto's preferred tastes (anything is better than vomit rag) but this concession is so touching. Like, previously, we see where Gojo considers Geto time and time again when faced with a moral gray area but the consideration does go both ways.

When assessed to be a good person by Haibara, Geto challenges the idea which we can infer stems from his shift in worldview but, I also question if it is a manifestation of how he may feel about Gojo's power up, too.

The premise of Geto's defection can be broken down if we were to liken non-jujutsu sorcerers to harmless sheep. If curses and cursed users are wolves, then sorcerers are the guard dogs that protect the herd, lucky to have teeth to fight back. Geto believed it to be the duty of the sorcerers to protect the weak but hadn't confronted that even humans are capable of grotesque things, they are just as susceptible to evil. Riko's death illustrated this while also challenging his ability to protect. With the shortage of sorcerers, why must they sacrifice themselves for the good of those who are equally capable of being monsters, regardless of their perceived weakness? Haibara's death reiterated that there was no point for such sacrifice when such a fate can befall someone so good and wholesome. The nail in the coffin was, of course, finding the twins who'd been abused and imprisoned by humans because they could manipulate cursed energy.

We only see Gojo lose his cool when it comes to Geto. The reveal of his crimes, against the villagers and his own parents is outrageous given his rigid stance but that really doesn't have a place in jujutsu society. Those who cannot bend... break. As one of the only other special grade sorcerers, the fact that Gojo must subsequently become Geto's executioner is cruel and unusual punishment.

Again, we don't know much about Geto's tastes but we know that he'll ask for sweets for Gojo and carries a lighter for Shoko and that's really heartbreaking because I think we can infer he considers them family.

We only see Gojo lose his cool when it comes to Geto. Screaming about murder in front of a chicken joint is one thing, but when you find out that KFC is really popular on Christmas, there's an added layer of zest that really just twists the knife.

"Are you the strongest because you're Satoru Gojo? Or are you Satoru Gojo because you're the strongest." This was like... a critical hit when I read it. Up until this point, they were a unit who only had one another to rely on. Geto could recognize Gojo beyond Limitless, beyond Six Eyes as Satoru. There's safety and comfort in feeling understood by someone especially when you've lived a life so isolated. They were on a first name basis. While Geto had been undeniably stewing for months and suffering this turmoil, this moment is what finally pulls the rug from under Gojo. It's the moment that Geto does what everyone else does. Always burdened by his strength and now, the only person who sought to understand him beneath the weight of it all just conflated him with his power. It shakes Gojo's sense of self. Later, I think Geto thought this drove a wedge between them, likely as intended. But we know that, for Gojo, it didn't. Further, it was like an abdication of his place amongst the strongest. He acknowledged that Gojo was capable of forging the world as Geto wanted but never once asks him to join him. This also altered my brain chemistry? Because, as we've seen, Gojo would follow Geto's direction as his moral compass. Down the line, we also know that nothing changed Gojo's perspective on Geto. But Geto never bothered to ask.

Gojo couldn't follow orders and kill Geto. When Geto turns his back to him with a simple "if you want to kill me, kill me. There's meaning in that too," I wonder what went through Gojo's head. But when asked why he let him go, Yaga doesn't need words to understand. We also see that Geto's words, as intended, struck a chord within Gojo. This conversation is especially interesting because we see the flip side of what Geto couldn't consider. With all of Gojo's power, even he knows being strong isn't enough. His technique is famous for what it keeps away which is offset by the fact that Gojo is someone who craves connection.

The fact that cult leader Geto chooses to masquerade as a monk is not surprising, again, he'd been lightly cosplaying all throughout high school. But the fact that Akutami gave him a gojo-gesa? Akutami is a sadist.

The irony of Geto adopting Nanako and Mimiko and Gojo taking in Megumi and Tsumiki is not lost on me. They both tried to protect the youth of Riko and we can see how they understand that they are not allowed protection because they are strong... but then take on children? Geto seems to do so with different intentions, still protecting the weak. Gojo is basically forging his own battle bro and hoping that, by making all subsequent students strong they won't know the loneliness he suffers.

With JJK0, we see that ignoring the orders of elders is actually not at all uncommon for the strongest sorcerer. Whether that be carry out a 10 year death sentence against his bestie or anyone else deemed too powerful to control is really just dependent upon how Gojo feels about it. So he saves those the elders seek to destroy starting with Yuta by finding common ground in their loneliness. He presses forward in the face of the elders because they are "trying to take away the best years of your youth like that. There's no way I'm gonna let them do that. No matter who you are." It's something he knows all too well.

"I've always believed... love manifests the most distorted curses."

Here's what we know of last words and wills in JJK. We can infer that those who receive the last wishes of someone dying are cursed to see them through. We see that with Yuji and his grandfather as pointed out by Yaga. Even Nanami, before passing, worries his last wish would be a curse and a burden to Yuji so he chooses to send him with words of encouragement. Miguel makes a half-assed threat to curse Geto should he die in battle against Gojo. As we see in JJK 0... Yuta, the living, actually cursed the near departed Rika by begging her to stay and it is a manifestation of one of loves most twisted curses.

The fact that, even after 10 years... Geto will arbitrarily change someone's name so it rings a little closer to "Satoru" was one thing. BUT WHEN YOU HEAR THE WAY THE GETO VOICE ACTOR PURRS "SATORU" IN SEASON TWO!? I just- the affection is still there.

THE FACT THAT, EVEN AFTER 10 YEARS, GOJO STILL RECOGNIZES GETO'S RESIDUALS. Let a SatoSugu-anti explain this, please. Heterosexually. Because I've had friends who I've regularly seen over the course of 10 years and I still wouldn't be able to pick the homies out in a scent line up.

Even after 10 years... they still refer to one another on a first name basis. Culturally, it speaks to a comfortable intimacy, wouldn't you think?

As Toge and Panda sprung into action to defend Maki and Yuta, I wonder if it struck a chord of remembrance in Geto. For the times he'd lept to defend Gojo. is that what evoked his tears in that moment?

Their final exchange on paper is bad enough. But the fact that they set it to a musical score called "This Is Pure Love" in the movie?? Get out of my face. Outside of the JJK 0 parameter and nestled within the story around Shibuya, we see that Geto thought that their KFC fight ended their friendship. But we see, through Gojo's trust that Geto wouldn't kill his students and the reciprocation of not killing any of Geto's family members... Gojo's feelings never changed. They still know the inner machinations of one another's minds, even after all this time, but Geto couldn't see that.

Gojo effortlessly makes Geto smile once more with words we still don't know after Geto talks about not being truly happy from the bottom of his heart. Sir, if you don't malewife your way back to Gojo's side and put down the eugenics... SO HELP ME.

In Japan, Christmas Eve is considered one of if not thee most romantic holidays of the year. It's a lover's holiday where Gojo and Geto reunited and Gojo was finally forced to carry out his sentencing. Even so, having been killed with cursed energy, Gojo could not bring himself to destroy the body of his best friend. His one and only. This sentimentality is what leaves Geto's body susceptible to the likes of Kenjaku who works in the shadows and hyper aware of, not only Gojo's affection for Geto as his weakness, but also his ability to intimately recognize his residuals.

The fact that Geto is a recognized weakness for Gojo is known to others at all is what makes me constantly wonder whether Geto was doomed by the narrative.

1. You know people were talking in the TEN YEARS Geto just ran amok. After declaring war, he was so bold as to tell Gojo where he was going and Gojo still couldn't bring himself to follow. I'd be whispering, too. 2. In chapter 79, immediately following the Premature Death/Hidden Inventory arcs, Utahime is with the Tokyo first years following up on Gojo's belief that there's a mole. She specifies two or more people could be a leak and that "one has to be highly ranked, even higher than the principals" 3. Gojo and Geto were essentially the clean up crew for anything other sorcerers couldn't handle, they'd be known to the elders. I wonder if they knew how principled Geto was and exploited that. Lining him up for missions, just so, including the one that caused him to rebuke jujutsu society. Or if, his inflexibility would have always been what got him in the end. Hypothesis: I maintain that Kenjaku and/or someone who was tied to Kenjaku was involved in pulling those strings. Specifically with designs on Geto to get a bead on Gojo. Even if Geto wasn't doomed by the narrative, he was doomed all along by his connection to Gojo.

This isn't expressly a SatoSugu observation but.. the fact that Yuji is concerned about Gojo going into Shibuya alone? It is a SatoSugu observation because it precisely serves Gojo's mission of no one ever having to be alone again. The fact that Yuji still recognizes Gojo as someone who should have back up is so reminiscent of Geto in Okinawa but is also a poignant manifestation of the ideal world Gojo is trying to achieve. Even in this, we see Gojo with his goal in sight long after Geto's will has fizzled away. Imagine what they could have accomplished together.

Specific to the anime, the fact that they animated Gojo akin to the way the devils ran in Devilman Crybaby was both so unserious but also calls upon Akira Fudo's specific experience with power and humanity.

⚠️ Spoiler Warning for plot of Devilman Crybaby.

The imagery evokes the visual of another damned pairing of Akira Fudo and Ryo Asuka (above). Ryo is a white haired prodigy (sound familiar) who, after discovering the existence of devils, tricks Akira (good natured dark haired boy who he met when they were both children) into merging with a devil "to better defend humanity". Akira's purity allows him to maintain his humanity as he subsequently overpowers the devil seeking to possess him but retains his strength and physical prowess (... really familiar). The story devolves into hysteria as humans turn on the Devilman and anyone he's associated with due to fear of the very devils he protects them from. As this happens, the bitter side of humanity rears its ugly head and manifests in torture, paranoia, mob mentality justice and indiscriminate murder, enough that the demons take a break to watch as society crumbles and Akira questions whether humanity is even worth saving. The shit kicker of this whole situation is the fact that Ryo had been in cahoots with the devils all along. In fact, he'd been pulling the strings to eradicate humanity and let devils reign supreme for a very long time as the fallen angel, Satan. His true objective in converting Akira was to thank him for being by his side and because, unbeknownst to him, he was the only person he'd ever loved. He realized this after Akira's death (which he'd caused), of course.

Strongest sorcerer in the world and he is bested by the appearance of the man he shared his youth with. Couldn't have been overpowered by anyone on the board at the time and, with all the information available to him from Six Eyes, the only hope the villains had was to outsmart his heart. Do we realize how insane that is? Mans is a loverboy, for real.

In the anime, the fact that they animated a brief smile as he reconciled that it was actually Geto standing before him before reality hit was just for the sake of emotional damage. PLUS, they somehow made "my Six Eyes tell me you're Suguru Geto. But my soul knows otherwise!" more dramatic by adding "my heart" and that just tells me there are certified SatoSugu shippers on staff.

Kenjaku has been bodyhopping for centuries. But, when confronted with causing Gojo harm, Geto's body is the first to fight against him. Both in his memories entering his mind after changing bodies but also in the way he tried to choke himself. Just as Gojo's soul recognized Geto and not Geto, Geto's soul recognized Gojo's.

Ken!Geto was the last person Gojo saw before being sealed.

As two of the closest people to Geto after his defection, Mimiko and Nanako harbored resentment toward Gojo for killing him but would not seek revenge as even they knew that Gojo was Geto's one and only best friend.

⚠️ Beyond the Animation ⚠️ Spoiler warning for JJK chapters 217-236.

Of Love and Strength

We interrupt this SatoSugu doom scroll to highlight a very pertinent theme that writhes through the cast of the strongest sorcerers. We see it with Kashimo, this restlessness of being the strongest and how others sought him out for his validation because... they admired his strength. Frustrated by the isolation of never finding a worthy fight, he cut them down mercilessly, always seeking a bigger battle. He's not the only reincarnated sorcerer who found second life just to flex on these modern sorcerers (the dude with the pompadour comes to mind right before Yuta called him bitchless). BUT the most interesting comeback is that of Yorozu, possessing Tsumiki, who seeks to prove her love by besting Sukuna in Megumi's meat suit. Through Yorozu's mission, this obsession with strength and equals is contextualized with a romantic undertone. She believes the cure to his loneliness (and I suppose hers) would be forged if she defeated him.

The battle itself even relays their attacks as a form of intimacy. The stakes of the fight are marriage, even though they both intend to kill one another. Yorozu takes offense at being fought with someone else's cursed technique. Even as she use's her Domain Expansion, she is flattered that Sukuna is able to make light work of it saying, "what...? You know all that about me? I'm so happy." It speaks to a familiarity, a consideration that Yorozu seems to be thrilled by. As if, having bared the breadth of their power to one another, that that honesty puts them closer than those who couldn't have made it this far in a fight. Hypothesis: Whoever taught Sukuna about love before and whatever Yorozu gave Sukuna prior to succumbing to the battle is going to raise the stakes down the line because, of course Gege has something else to devastate us after being lulled into a false sense of security. All in all, I think this fight served a larger purpose than burdening Megumi's soul as it showed how pervasive this link between strength and isolation is even back to the Heian period. It's what inspires Gojo's countermission after Geto defects but, prior to their split, we see the express knowledge of one another which implied an earnest connection. What I find funny is the fact that all these other characters assess their equals in these knockdown blow out fights but Gojo and Geto just... existed in harmony, acknowledging one another without all that? Away from Geto, we see Gojo is freest when he can go all out against Toji and Sukuna. Even with Sukuna, he believed his fists and power to be a means to earnestly communicate that he, too, knew that loneliness well. I include all this to say that it had to have been really sad to have finally found your equal, someone you chose to be by your side... only for them to leave and for you to never fill the gap that they left. This isolation was so despairing that he wished to liberate even his foes of it.

To not mention Shoko voicing her annoyance at Gojo's belief system centering not leaving anyone alone while she was beside him the whole time is a necessary trio inclusion. This is not commentary on the official translation that suggests Shoko's in love with one of them. Instead, this is a testament to the fact that, at the end of the day, Gojo felt alone if Geto wasn't beside him. Where one could argue Geto's mission was informed by a number of factors, re: protecting the future of people like Riko, preventing the sacrifice of people like Haibara, negating the abuse/bigotry experienced by Nanako and Himiko and lessening the burden on people like Gojo and himself, Gojo's sole motivation has always had Geto and/or what happened with Geto in mind. Shoko living in the reality of Gojo's vision gives me a bit of the sad, too.

Upon finally being unsealed from the prison realm and with the imposter Ken!Geto being the last face he saw, his first inclination is to track down Geto's body rather than reuniting with everyone else [that's left].

Mourning Geto's body is also imminently on Gojo's to do list pre-Sukuna fight.

When given the opportunity to pick the date of his fight with Sukuna... Gojo picks Christmas Eve, the anniversary of Geto's death. Once more, this is a lovers' holiday that even Kenjaku mocks upon hearing the selection.

"We seek not to be born on the same day, in the same month and in the same year. We merely hope to die on the same day, in the same month and in the same year. May the Gods of Heaven and Earth attest to what is in our hearts. If we should ever do anything to betray our friendship, may heaven and the people of the earth both strike us dead." -Romance of the Three Kingdoms

Let's just let that marinate.

At the end of Gojo's life... Geto's is the first face he sees. Still, in his mind, the cherry atop the satisfying fight with Sukuna would have been Geto being among those congratulating him. Not high school Geto as we see him in this afterlife. But cult leader Geto who Gojo never once lost affection for. Truly maddening.

I was going to include stuff from the light novels and the OP and EP's (since there are so many visual easter eggs in season 2) but this got to be really long and kind of just an obsessive retelling of events so.. if you've made it this far, you are probably crazy like me. In which case, I am sorry.

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