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flooffybits · 4 years

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To Risk It All

Idol: Kim Taeyeon (Girls’ Generation)

Request: Yes

Anon: hi! you're one of my fave writers & i want to say that im absolutely in love w/ your works! can i request a taeyeon scenario wherein she tries her best not to let the public know abt their relationship because she doesn't want ppl hating on s/o that they can't even enjoy a simple date outside? s/o was fed w/ it so they got into an argument? tae eventually apologized & took it upon herself to reveal their relationship to the public? im sorry if this is very detailed btw :( i hope it's okay!

Author's note: theres no need to apologize! detail is actually really nice because it makes writing the story better

Years of being under the spotlight has given the idol a lot to learn. After being harassed from dating a junior, being bashed for a member being kicked out of their group, and losing a friend where she was forced to hide her own depression, she’s learned how privacy would always be intruded by many.

At first, she didn’t want to think too much into the relationship she had with you. You were someone she met at some cafe, as cliche as it sounded. She accidentally poured her drink all over your shirt and she ended up apologizing profusely and insisting to buy you a new shirt.

She found comfort in you for the little time you spoke when picking out a shirt. You knew who she was, yet you treated her like a regular person, something she’s been wishing for in a long while. When she realized that you were someone she could talk to, she asked for your number and if it was okay to meet again without the accident, and you happily agreed.

When she started to fall for you, her fear started coming back, too.

She had to be professional about it, but she also didn’t want to lose you. So she kept those feelings down and tried to be as normal as possible around you, though she couldn’t help it when butterflies would swarm inside her stomach whenever she saw you and how the world seemed brighter when you smiled or laughed

It put her at ease.

So one night, she thought that maybe it would be okay to just be herself around you and her feelings poured out of her like a waterfall. It would have been alright if you rejected her, that would have been much easier. But instead, you initiated the kiss right after she told you and all things came flying out the window.

You weren’t too bothered with having to keep the relationship a secret and she appreciated that. She could just enjoy her time with you in private.

But not all things last forever since two years after, Dispatch decided to come and ruin her life once more. There have been some pictures of the two of you, but your faces were always covered due to Taeyeon’s request. It kept you protected and even if people noticed her, they wouldn’t know who was with her.

“I know, Tae. I just wished we could do something else.” You sighed while you sat on the couch, fingers running through your hair whilst she crossed her arms, lips pursed together. “We can but... just not now. It’s too risky.” She says and you know because you’ve already heard this before.

The conversation has been reoccurring, much more now with Dispatch keeping a close eye on her.

It irritated you.

Yes, you knew that this was going to happen when you first started seeing each other. But you didn’t think that you would nearly be on house arrest just for it. It felt suffocating and restraining and it wasn’t healthy, to either of you.

“Then why don’t we just tell them. At least that way, we don’t have to keep hiding.” Her head whips to you, looking at you as if you had grown a second head. “Y/n, the reason I don’t want us going out is that they don’t find out.” She emphasizes and it doesn’t help your frustration.

“Then what are we supposed to do? Even coming here is risky for you because everyone knows you don’t live her. If people saw you, that’s it. And then what?” You finally snapped. “I can’t go out to see you, we can’t be seen together, then what’s the point?” Your words made her heart rate rise. It was scaring her because it sounded like there was only one way out of this, if she chose not to come clean.

“I’ve told you, I’m doing this to protect you.” She breathes out and you stare at her with a frown, doing your best to stay calm with the situation you were both in. “I don’t need you to protect me, Tae. I am more than capable of handling myself.” You tell her, voice lower compared to your outburst earlier.

“I don’t want them to start sending you hate or threats. I don’t want them to suddenly walk up to you and potentially hurt you. You mean too much to me for that to happen and I can’t forgive myself if something bad happened to you because of me.” Tears were threatening to come from her eyes, but she didn’t want to let them out. “If you do, then you would have enough faith in me and our relationship than the fear of what everyone else will say or do.” You reason, standing up and then walking towards the bedroom.

Taeyeon was left in the living room, staring quietly at the spot you once occupied and let out a deep breath. She had to run her fingers through her hair, doing her best to brush her exhaustion and anxiety away. This was one of the things she wanted to avoid, yet here she was.

Looking at the bedroom, she chewed on her lower lip before she shook her head and walked inside. With a quick look at you, back to her with the blankets pulled up to your chin, she slipped in behind you, doing the same and curling up under the covers.

The next day was a little calmer compared to last night. When Taeyeon woke, she saw that you were already awake and had breakfast prepared, though after a little panic of waking up alone in bed.

Sometime during the night, you both ended up tangled together, bodies close, without realizing. And when you woke up, that was the same position you were in. It made your chest tighten because as much as you wanted to keep this relationship going, it was too tiring for both of you.

"Good morning." Her voice was gentle, careful as she entered the dining room and sat down while you offered her a small smile. "Good morning." You greeted back while taking a sip of your coffee.

There was a pause and you both have to admit that this was one of the most awkward breakfasts you've ever had. Neither of you could look each other in the eyes, and neither knew what to actually say. But thankfully, her phone rang and stole her attention away, and judging by the grimace on her face, you could only guess who it was and what it was about.

“Go ahead. I’m going to work, soon.” You tell her, picking at your food since you didn’t really have the appetite to eat anything and Taeyeon bit her lip. “Y/n, I’m really sorry about last night but I will fix this. I promise.” She tells you, reaching for your hand to give it a squeeze and you try not to sigh and give her a weak smile. “Okay.”

Taeyeon left your place with hesitance. She drove all the way to SM, thinking about what could possibly happen and what she could do. She didn’t want to keep hurting you like this, it was unfair. And then your words from last night echoed in her head when she got to the parking lot.

Staring at the wheel, her hands went loose before dropping to her lap. She had to take a minute and actually think of this whole thing. If she kept hiding you away, these fights would only keep on escalating and the risk of losing you was slowly rising, too. But if she did come forward and told everyone, the possibility of them hurting you scared her beyond belief, but you convinced her that you were capable of protecting yourself and she knew firsthand that you could.

It was just a battle between her own fears and she wasn’t sure which side she would be taking. Glancing at her phone, she sees the picture she took of you when you were sound asleep next to her.

Looking at it now, she knew that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with you. It was just something she hasn’t told you yet.

At that moment, she grabbed her things and finally exited her car to go and get this meeting over with, her head held high as she steeled her resolve. She wasn’t losing you. That, she was certain of.

Coming home after a tiring day, you kicked your shoes off before dragging your body over to the bedroom, dropping your keys on the counter as you passed, but your hand stopped mid air when you saw Taeyeon sitting on a chair, wringing her hands together. When she finally looked up to meet your gaze, she gave you a smile before standing up.

“You’re back.” She breathed out and you blinked in confusion, slowly putting your hands on the table while she bit her lip and then carefully handed her phone to you, an article pulled up that was dated today, published just a few hours ago. “What’s this?” You ask hesitantly and she just gives you a pleading look.

You look down, immediately seeing the picture of your girlfriend but was quickly followed by the one you were both in and you already felt your breath hitch in. After a quick glance at her, you let yourself read the contents of the article, slowly feeling your muscles grow less tense when you saw that Taeyeon had confirmed the rumors of her seeing someone.

“You...” You choked out while putting her phone down and she let out a breath. “I thought about what you said and... you were right, that I shouldn’t let other people control how my life goes.” She looks at you, her eyes shining as she reaches for your hand like she did that morning.

Taeyeon has endured so much throughout her career, but all the hardship brought her to where she is now. It was what brought her to you and she believes that maybe this is what life planned out for her. With a steady gaze, she squeezes your hand. “I want to be with you. I want to live the rest of my life with you.”

Your eyes softened as you took in her form. Your girlfriend was truly an admirable person and you just wanted to take all that suffering away from her. But it also moved you how she was willing to tell people that she was dating again even after what happened before. But the last bit made you freeze while analyzing her features, trying to see a sense of doubt, but there was none.

She stared at you with nothing but certainty and love and it was enough for you as you pulled her into you and pressed a long kiss against her lips, one she happily accepted with her arms wrapping around your neck.

You would both be okay, even through the hate. She had always been afraid, but now she was more than willing to risk this career. Because unlike this, you gave her a sense of comfort and security.

She would be damned if she gave that happiness up.

#girl group #girl group scenarios #girl group imagines #girls generation #girls generation scenarios #girls generation imagines #girls generation taeyeon #taeyeon girls generation #kim taeyeon #taeyeon #taeyeon scenarios #taeyeon imagines

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luci-cunt · 3 years

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Tips for ADHD-ers (and non <3)

idk I’ve noticed during Quarantine I’ve been mega understimulated a lot and thought maybe other ppl were suffering with the same shit so here’s just some general tips to make your lives easier <3 (and I said non because idk, if they work for u make ur like easier babey! <3)

Cleaning/ Organizing/ Thriving!

Try to make everything immediately viewable: like, don’t put cans of soup behind pasta sauce--you will forget you have it. Get shelves and then mini-shelves for shelves so the stuff behind will still be visible or hang things up! Clear storage containers are your BEST friend I promise--for food leftovers, art supplies, etc, I know it might not look the nicest to some people but seriously it’ll save u from buying 1000000000 packs of glue because you can’t remember you put them in some special box.

Set up a chore schedule: I know for myself at least it’s so hard to remember (esp with quarantine) if I’ve showered recently or when the last time I washed my sheets was. Take a page out of your kindergarten and make a chore sheet!! Assign specific chores to specific days (try only assigning one chore per day also, don’t overload it’s just to make sure you do it!) and then you don’t have to worry about remembering to do things because you’ve got a schedule.

Tacking onto that, make designated ‘tidy’ days! For example: I have Wednesday as my designated dish day, I try to do the dishes everyday, but sometimes I’m just not in the mood and just leave them in the sink, but on Wednesdays I make sure to gather everything up and clean it in one go. Doing this with dishes, pet cleanup, general tidying, working out, and fridge clean out is really good!!!

Another addition (because I will never stop talking about chore schedules they’re literally life savers) make designated meal days!! It’s really easy for me to get lost in the days and eat nothing but instant noodles for months straight, so I try to reserve a few days a week for designated meals (ex. tuesdays = dinner, fridays = lunch, sundays = breakfast) where I try to either actively make something, or just make a meal plan for the next day. It doesn’t have to be anything big, but just try to spice up these meals, aka if you’ve been eating nothing but eggs for breakfast make pancakes instead!

(btw: for all of these things you still do them off their ‘designated’ day, like if this week you’re a pro and have made dinner ever day then hell yeah!! it’s mostly just for if you’re stuck and need help pulling yourself out of a lurch <33. Just make sure you try to keep up the routine so a habit forms)

Get soap/ cleaners you like: idk about u guys but now especially that I’ve moved out I just had been using the cleaners my mom used cuz that’s all I knew, but she always used simplegreen and windex which make my head hurt like a bitch and made cleaning an actual hell--BUT!! there are other options!! Look into what you like, or try natural cleaners (vinegar, baking soda, and lemon juice are honestly better than most cleaners and they don’t smell chemically)!! You have options!! make cleaning easy on yourself!

Writing/ Studying Tips

Outline as you go: open a new doc while writing that’s just for brainstorming and write 3 headings: “Characters” / “Plot” / “Snippets” then, as you’re writing if u get an idea about a character or the plot or a snippet of dialogue you want to remember, stick it in your brainstoming doc. This has saved my ass so many times, because outlining is actual hell if you don’t want to do it. This way you remember all the lil details you thought of while writing, and you can stick them somewhere and go back to writing. Plus then you have all these awesome details in one place!!

Change music depending on stress level: this one seems pretty obvious, but it’s honesty very hard to remember. If you’re trying to focus on something very difficult but you also can’t do it in silence but you can’t stop focusing on the song’s words? Find music in a language you don’t understand and vibe to that, and if even that’s too difficult listen to music without any words at all! If you dunno how to start here’s a french pop playlist and here’s an only instrumental study playlist!

Don’t force it!!! Have you been sitting there reading the same sentence seventeen times and you still have no idea what it says? Listening to a lecture but you realize suddenly you’ve been zoning out the whole time? Getting frustrated becuase you know you can understand something but you also can’t at the same time? Take a breath--stop trying to bully through it. Usually when this happens to me I’m blocked some way and I have to either take a walk or find another way to consume whatever it is I’m doing. Aka: if you’re watching a lecture, turn on subtitles and read them as you watch. If you’re reading, copy the text and paste it into this text-to-speech reader and listen to it. Here’s also a Chrome extstention that will turn your articles into podcasts for you! just change that shit up!! stop trying to force it!! be nice to yourself!

I’m so sorry this is blocks of text aljsdlkja;dkljf idk how to do it any other way but I hope some of this was helpful?

#adhd #tips #idk how to tag this #luci doesn't shut up

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loptgangandi · 4 years

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so! literally no one asked, but these last 3 weeks have been a hell of a ride let me TELL YOU

so happy mun-day now you get to hear all about it!! (with pictures, I’m not a monster)

here’s the cliffnotes version:

december week 1: simultaneously moved back into a place and took classes then moved out of that place while taking classes and planning a 2-day overland trip from sweden to madrid. took said trip.

december week 2: attended the unfccc climate conference COP25 in madrid, got kicked out for protesting in solidarity with indigenous ppl & kids, got let back into COP the next day & proceeded to go to more panels and also protests. no i did not see greta thunberg but she was there. I did not see harrison ford either. I did shake al gore’s hand tho.

december week 3: week #1 with my mom’s new twin one-eyed cyclops kitties (yes both of them), spent the week frantically writing 2400 words of nonsense that hopefully resolved themselves into two coherent enough papers to snag me a nice grade then took a 36-hour trip up to london to see my sister perform at her bitchin new job.

elaboration under the cut.

Hell Week (or) Why You Sometimes Should Fly to Climate Conferences

So, after the nonsense with The Roommate From Hell (reddit rant here), I moved out of my room at her place and back into the dorms (where I still had a lease through the end of December). That required a fair bit of effort, but I moved things bit by bit over the course of about a week, and it was manageable.

But I had to be out of the dorms and have the place clean by the time I left for the climate conference, which in itself was a whole lot of coordination. Wednesday the 4th of December was probably among the worst, most frustrating days I have ever had, and I desperately hope I never have to deal with that level of fuck this fuck you fuck me fuck everything for a very, very long time. Somehow -- by some miraculous act of the gods -- I pulled it out, and managed to get my stuff into my friend’s basement, my plants into another friend’s apartment, my bags packed, my room clean as a whistle, my self moved into my hostel, and to every damn class that week. My interrail tickets came the day I planned to leave -- it was a tight fit -- and I managed to book trains and busses from Uppsala to Madrid with half an hour to spare, and get on the first train (Uppsala to Stockholm) in good time.

The next 48 hours went like this:

Stockholm -> Copenhagen (by train): uneventful, but Copenhagen train station on a Friday night is a little dicey, especially when you’re dragging around a 45 lb suitcase and another 15 lbs on your back

Copenhagen -> Hamburg (by overnight FlixBus): Uneventful, and I was sitting by a window with no one sitting next to me, so I was able to doze a bit on the trip.

Hamburg -> Basel (by high-speed rail): This one I should have booked. The website said that a reservation was recommended, and I understand why. If I’d had a quiet cabin -- or even just a consistent seat for the whole 7-hour journey -- I’d have been able to get a decent night’s sleep. Instead, I kept having to move to give people their reserved seats, and didn’t get more than an hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Basil -> Olten (train): this one was a mistake

Olten -> Brienz (train): where the fuck am I

Brienz -> Lausanne (train): oh right yes that’s the direction I want to go yes good get on that one

Lausanne -> Geneva (train): oh thank fuck, I 100% know where I am and am back on track. Sunglasses & 30 hours without sleep is a Look.

Geneva: Spend 3 hours with my mom, put a week’s worth of clothes into a considerably smaller suitcase, eat dinner. meet mom’s new kittens, Saga and Luna

Geneva -> Lyon (bus): Get confused about which bus to get on, get told off by the bus driver we were trying to convince to let us on his bus, realized mom had been trying to put me on the wrong bus. Get on the right bus. Go to Lyon with bus driver who speaks no French or English, only Spanish.

Lyon -> Barcelona (night bus): Hell. Just. Absolute Hell Bus. Wanted To Die all night. Assigned to aisle seat just before the very back next to a very, very tall man who was quite polite but had no room for his legs. Behind us were two men, one of whom was loudly chewing gum until he took off his shoes and fell asleep, the other of whom snored like a gd bulldozer. Aisle seat and wailing baby a few rows down meant that my chances of sleeping comfortably were 0. I did manage to doze off a bit, but only because I was so strung out from not sleeping the night before. Eventually made it to Barcelona alive and lent my phone to the very nice lady with the wailing baby (plus like 5 other family members, none of whom had cell service).

Barcelona -> Madrid (train): Absolutely gorgeous train ride through the Spanish countryside that I really did want to stay awake to enjoy. Managed to do so until we got to an elevation where it was just thick, dense fog and I let myself fall asleep.

Madrid: I arrived at my hostel groggy, dazed, and in pain from two bad nights in a row. I considered a nap, but also considered that I’d need to wake up early the next morning and would need to fall asleep. Opted to try to set up my COP25 blog instead. Failed due to aforementioned grogginess. Walked to the corner to get some food and tried to pay for it with Swedish kronor, which didn’t work. Apologized, explained to the amused man that it had been a long weekend, paid him in Euros instead. Used the hostel’s dry sauna (!!!!), took a shower, and went to bed.

COP25 - The Old White Fuckening

So, listen, I’m not going to go into detail about COP. If you want to read about how much of a tonedeaf clusterfuck the negotiations were (as opposed to the really interesting, inspiring stuff happening in the side sessions), BBC has some good articles.

If you want to listen to some of the press conferences and plenaries, here they are. I especially recommend the ones by the Women’s Earth and Climate Caucus, Fridays for Future, and as many of the Indigenous Peoples’ statements as you can (most of them are in Spanish and/or Portuguese. Because the COP was supposed to be held in Chile, many of the registered Indigenous participants were from Amazonas because it was supposed to not be far to travel).

If you want to listen to some of the side events, the webcasts have been recorded here. Click the link, and then click “Join the event.” I again recommend the ones by Indigenous groups (if you can understand them -- we all had translation headphones in the sessions, but I don’t speak Spanish, so I can’t really go back and revisit them). Also, this "feminist attempt at connecting the dots” on “climate crisis, corporate power, and climate finance” and this one session from a Nigerian NGO and the government about One Health and the connection between climate change, disease, and other health risks -- and how badass Nigeria is at tackling them.

On the subject of tonedeafness, some absolute bullshit went down on Wednesday, December 11th.

Here is the article on BBC, but it’s a bit incomplete.

Here’s what happened.

COP25 2: The Old White Fuckeninger (Starring Military Police!)

So on Wednesday, December 11th, Greta Thunberg -- environmental wunderkind with truly glorious bitchface -- sat on a panel before a hall full of condescending adults in which she demanded accountability and immediate action from national leaders.

At the end of her speech, the delegation of Fridays for Future -- Greta’s own youth movement, which has become a global phenomenon -- stormed the stage. Representatives of Fridays for Future admitted that they knew what they were doing was against the rules, and they were ready to face the consequences: having their admission badges taken away (being “debadged”), and not being blacklisted from future UNFCCC events.

Neither of these things happened. Instead, UNFCCC praised the young activists, and let them keep their badges.

A few hours later, another activist group in attendance -- not an Indigenous one, a point that was raised by a young Native American man during the Fridays for Future press conference -- staged a sit-in outside the main hall where a large plenary meeting was scheduled. Said meeting was full of gimmicks, including a live call to the International Space Station so an astronaut could talk about the view of climate change from space.

I was going to attend the plenary. I joined the protest instead.

Admittedly, the decision was partly made for me by security. After pushing, shoving, and jostling the (mostly adult, heavily Indigenous, mostly PoC, heavily female, heavily Queer) protesters, as well as violently snatching their badges off their lanyards, security started herding them -- as well as anyone in proximity -- out into the open docking area outside the hall. One woman nearby, who hadn’t meant to join the protest and who had just been filming, tried to duck out of the group and got sternly told by a security guard “No. Keep going forward. No turning back.” A similar thing had happened to me -- I hadn’t made up my mind about joining the protest, because I didn’t have all the information -- but security made the decision, and in the end, I’ll always prefer to be with the people facing the police rather than those they’re protecting.

It was... furious. It was emotional. The leaders of the protest had us form a circle and turn our backs on security and the door. WoC -- many of whom were Indigenous -- led not just standard protest chants, but songs. Renewal songs, fight songs. The common theme was the intersection of environmental justice and femininity, queerness and suffering under colonization, anti-capitalism, anti-exploitation, and a call for colonizers to repay the colonized for all of the loss and damage already caused by climate change (climate reparations).

Eventually, UNFCCC made a decision. They decided to close the door on us. Security “escorted” us to the docking bay entrance, and the military police took over. Fortunately, none of them started anything. Obviously, none of the protesters did either. We made it back to the venue entrance eventually, but only those with journalist/media badges were allowed back in; the rest of us were not. Even people with Observer badges (like mine) who hadn’t been part of the protest weren’t being allowed in. But some people who were panelists, delegates, etc. came out to stand in solidarity with us.

Once it became clear that no more joint actions would be taking place, I went home, and waited to see whether the negotiators would be able to talk UNFCCC into letting us back in.

They did. Can you imagine the headlines? “UNFCCC Kicks Out Protesters, Bars Civil Society Observers From Climate Talks.”

Talk about going down like a lead balloon.

Which is about what the conference in general did. I was able to go back and get some more stuff out of it... including another big protest, this time led by Fridays for Future and sanctioned. It was so, so good. Many of the people from Wednesdays protest were also there, and while spirits weren’t exactly high, the emotions being expressed were more along the lines of determination and tenacity than fire and fury. Both are valid, and both have their place, and it was nice to have a balance -- especially at the end of the week, when we were all flat-out exhausted.

The Aftermath

And then I just didn’t stop moving. Saturday and Sunday I spent exploring Madrid and staying out late, Monday I flew back to Geneva from Madrid (because absolutely fuck Spanish busses and also absolutely FUCK FRANCE’s weeks-long general strike that I’m sure was for something very important. I’m sure. Because France never strikes over trivial things).

Tuesday-Friday was a takehome exam that I swear to god was more labor-intensive than my actual undergrad thesis, and Saturday-Sunday I flew to London to visit my sister at her new job as an actor in Shrek’s Adventure. Mom was supposed to go with me, but she has a slipped disk and sent me up alone. Which was nice -- my sister and I almost never hang out just the two of us. But that’s another thing I’ve been dealing with -- quite a bit of extra Stuff To Do that Mom Can’t Do because Back Hurty and there have been days when she literally could not move.

But now I am here! I still have work to do, and it’s holidays so there’s Holiday Stuff happening, but I’m hoping to get back to writing here in the next few days.

And if you’ve read all of this, you’re fucking incredible and I love u and here are some one-eyed black babie kitty gremlins for ur viewing pleasure.

<-Saga | Luna ->

They’ve got little bare patches on their tummies because bbies gotta be spayed

They got this tower two days ago and have learned to share, but the learning curve was steep

Saga doesn’t like cuddles but she likes pats and being in the vicinity of humans

Saga says hello

Pictured: Luna in my arms, Saga in Proximity

Luna stole my Spot!! >:C

If Saga steals something and then tells u to answer a riddle to get it back pls let me know. she does that sometimes. it’s very naughty.

#ooc tag #long post #if u read thru to the end there's kitties :3 #or you can just look at the kitties #it's not like I'll know #anywhere that's where I've been #I have literally Not Fucking Stopped for like a month

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katsutomos · 5 years

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hello, i’m kosmo (she/her) and i’m v excited to be here hehehe! thank u for having me! ;; also i didn’t realise that both kosmo and tomo end the with the same letters & now i wanna d*e but oh well pls ignore that! (: anyw, i’m here introduce TOMO!! there’s probably some stuff i left out here but it ended up having a word count of almost 2.5k so i’m just going to stop myself while i’m ahead! i’ll finish off my stats & bio pages soon and then i’ll try to think up some plots but here’s all this for now!

(tw: suicide mention, brief drug mentions)

BASIC STATS

NAME / tomo katsumura; his full name is tomohiko but nobody calls him that except his mum & grandparents like literally everybody else knows him as tomo NICKNAMES / technically, tomo IS a nickname but he’s so used it that not using a nickname with him is :knife emoji: -- also katsutomo but that one’s more of fan-title-nickname rather than one he actually uses (as much as he came up with it himself tweeting it out like ‘you guys can call me katsutomo from now on if you like ^^’ before changing all his handles to that exact name). other than that, he’s a bit iffy about nicknames. he likes them if HE came up with them but giving him a nickname is usually Yikes City (unless he decides it’s cute and lets u do it, i guess) AGE & DOB / twenty-three & 6th november 1995 BIRTHPLACE / LA, USA ETHNICITY / japanese OCCUPATION / actor! he dabbles in modelling but it’s more of an ‘i got asked to model this thing bc i’m famous and they’re paying me (:’ type deal than it being something he’s actually personally into. whereas acting is his PASSION.

EARLY LIFE

to start with, let’s talk about his parents; his dad, born and raised in america, was an actor who eventually made a move into directing but ultimately committed suicide at age 38 & his mother, born and raised in japan, is a socialite who had started off as a teen idol in the 80s. his parents had also divorced when tomo was still young, a few years before his dad’s death, so he uses his mother’s surname. tomo does not get on with her but, thanks to the sense of guilt she’s raised into him, he can’t bring himself to cut her out of his life completely.

basically, she’s got hang ups about the way her idol career ended so she kind of pushed tomo into the spotlight (which was fine for him because he wanted to act) but she grew envious of him after he got out of his teens and doesn’t like the decisions he makes. it’s a mutual issue. they mostly don’t get on because they can’t see eye to eye or really speak to each other at length without arguing.

his mum actually wanted him to break into acting when he was about nine because he’d already taken an interest in it by then. because her career had ended early, she took the approach of ‘he won’t be cute forever, what if we wait too long and he loses his chance?’ but his father, who had his own issues with the industry, strongly disagreed. this disagreement was one small contributing factor for their divorce; they had plenty of other issues as well but this didn’t help. their compromise was that tomo could wait until he was in his teens and this deal was mostly held up because tomo thought it was wrong to break a promise with a dead guy.

to be clear though, he’d probably have issues with his dad too if he were still alive (and he’s not exactly super fond of him as it is; he doesn’t hate him but he doesn’t like being asked about being his son). he was kind of a shit husband and, if it weren’t for the fact he didn’t see tomo as often as he’d like, he’d probably be a pretty distant father as well. his work was pretty much his main priority and he had a lot of personal issues that he took out on other people.

tomo grew up in LA for the most part but also spent a lot of time in japan, mostly jumping between osaka, where his mother’s family lived, and tokyo, where his mother’s friends and connections & his father’s extended family lived. the family stopped travelling quite as much after his father’s death and tomo’s reaching high school age. he grew up bilingual.

CAREER

he started acting professional when he was 16, mostly with a few smaller tv roles but he had good connections and was able to get a small but still substantial role in the film directed by a friend of his dad. his big break came at age 18 when he landed a leaded a role in the main cast of high school drama. it was exciting at first, being on tv and being famous, but he hated both the show and his character so the whole thing got tired fast. he wasn’t allowed to quick so he went out of his way to get himself fired. there’s a whole story behind that but i’ll leave that for the bio hehehe! (he wanted his character to get killed off bc he thought it’d be fun to act out but they wouldn’t let him do that ): boooo)

one of his biggest issues with the tv show was that he didn’t like being sold as a product / character that wasn’t anything like him. he hated being shown off as this squeaky clean teen heartthrob type and not being allowed to have his own emotions & tastes. he found it mentally exhausting and, since then, he’s had a lot of issues dealing with the contrast between how he is as a person and how he’s seen by the media. he tries not to admit it but he’s terrified of being swallowed up by what other people think of of him and losing track of himself in the process. it’s made him a little paranoid.

since then, he’s avoided tv as much as possible. he prefers working on films in general but he finds the idea of playing the same character for too long incredibly unappealing. he enjoys taking on new roles and absorbing himself in that character & sometimes to the point of bordering on obsession so playing the same role not only plays into his fears of people seeing him as someone he’s not (i.e; whatever character it is) but he’s also scared of seeing HIMSELF the wrong way. he needs the separation.

tomo likes working on indie films or more artistic/niche studio films most of all. the promotion cycle isn’t as intensive and the characters tend to appeal to him more. he has appeared in a few blockbuster-type films but mostly because his bosses have pushed him into it or he’s had to taken on a multiple film contract with a studio in order to land a role he really wanted. (he once got int trouble for calling his own character in a blockbuster a ‘dumb bitch’ on twitter)

the bratpack article had a pretty heavy impact on him. it kinda just spoke to all of his worst fears of not really being a Real Person or being Sold A Certain Way. he wanted to get away from it without having to actually stop working because it’s the one thing that really keeps him stable. his eventual means of escape was a role in a japanese film. he’s been living in japan since then, having moved there to specifically hunt out a film to work on, to get used to the japanese industry/prepare himself and then get to filming. he’s come to milan straight from tokyo, not having seen any of the other brats in person during that time, but he’s had time to relax. sort of.

PERSONALITY

for the most part, tomo’s a friendly and energetic guy! (living up to his name a lil bit here bc tomo can mean ‘friend’ in japanese hehehe) when he’s at his best, he’s great company. he likes to stand out in a crowd, has a winning smile and enjoys a little bit of attention but also knows when to step back and look out for other people. he likes to play as hard as he works. the trouble is that, when things aren’t going well and he’s distressed, he tends to collapse in on himself. behaviour that seemed playful before looks straight up stupid and reckless instead. he’ll avoid attention but get frustrated because he craves it and do more reckless shit for attention. yet he’s pretty good at pretending shit’s fine, he’s still weirdly positive for a guy who feels all messed up — maybe he gets away with it because he’s a good actor. tomo has good days and bad days but there’s little warning as to which is which. it wasn’t always this way; it’s like something has broken his spirit. (i copied this from my app but asdghgsdf)

that’s why his archetype is The Contradiction,,,bc he doesn’t make any fuckin sense, woooeee! he’s this very bouncy, upbeat person and he likes having fun but he’s not really a very positive person in terms of outlook. he’s too high energy! his general vibe is everything’s going to shit but i’m going to have a good time anyway :D

actually, on that note...he IS :D

he doesn’t like crying in front of people which is rough bc he’s v emotional all the time. he’s a total crybaby when he’s drunk. if you drink with him, there WILL be a point at which you have to scoop him up off the floor because he’s found something over which to start weeping. OR he’ll end up calling you to panic about how he can’t find his way home, only for him to realise like 5 minutes later he’s phoning you from the steps outside his apartment building.

the kind of guy who can have a full-on breakdown in his room by himself and then just reappear & ask u if u wanna go for ice cream or smth bc he’s bored. like ok that’s done with, that already happened. it’s over.

anyw he’s always willing to give ppl advice if they’re feeling stuck. it’s not always great advice bc he’s basically shit at dealing with stuff himself. he’s not one of these ppl who gives great advice but can’t follow it himself, he’s more...he gives advice bc he’d feel bad if he didn’t TRY so the advice itself definitely varies in quality. he means well though.

don’t watch funny films with him because he will do one of either things; 1) not find it funny and sit through the whole thing like : | or 2) he’ll find it so funny that he’ll end up on the floor at some point. there’s no in between. it’s all or nothing with this fucker.

he really likes cute shit. he’s rich so there’s nothing stopping him from buying those overpriced limited edition hello kitty goods.

let’s not talk about how he enjoys acting bc it’s an escape where he can be Somebody Else but he can’t cope with himself being promoted as something that doesn’t feel like Tomo. that’s its own mess. i’m p sure he’d just unravel if anybody said anything about it.

OTHER STUFF

his hair is currently bright red. it’s a recent change but he was like ‘uhhhh if i’m going on this trip, i’m making a visual statement’ and that was that. he likes to go for more interesting colours when he’s not filming anything because it’s the only time he really gets to. i mean, he still has dyed hair in a lot of his films but it’ll usually be brown or blonde or something else more ‘realistic’.

tomo cares a LOT about the way he dresses and styles himself. he’ll probably complain if he has to do a promo/magazine shoot and he doesn’t like the outfit he’s been given. it doesn’t actually help him half the time and he just gets told to shut up but it’s the PRINCIPLE of it !!!!!!!!

he posts on his finsta probably way too often but that’s because his public social media is pretty filtered, given that he’s caused fusses on social media before. there have been multiple cases of him having to delete tweets and instagram posts because somebody in charge decided he was pushing the limit just a little too much and, granted, most of it wouldn’t be seen as risky (bc it’s mostly utterly pointless stuff that gets flagged up as risky, e.g; ‘i need to pee and i can’t find a bathroom. death is coming for me.’) if he hadn’t publicly complained about the tv show that made him famous several times on twitter but he did do that so, y’know, he’s seen as a liability. the unfortunate outcome of this is that his finsta story is often littered with fairly inane thoughts.

he’s not very good at watching himself in films. it depends on the film and he can do it but uhhhh let’s just say he once watched the one horror film he was in at the cinema (and didn’t like most of it bc he’s a wuss about that sort of thing) but he laughed during his own death scene. there were tears in his eyes. real tears.

he doesn’t like dating because...well, he likes the IDEA of it but he’s the type to really fall for someone and BASICALLY? he’s scared of being dumped! he’s a bright & appealing personality with just enough edge to balance it out but he’s a bit of an emotional screwball and getting people interested is easier than keeping them interested, leading to mixed experiences with dating so he’s settled for sleeping around a little instead. oh well, whatever works! (does it actually work? shhhh it’s a secret...)

he’s very much involved in the party scene, whatever country he’s in. it’s not something he talks about much (privately, i mean, bc DUH he doesn’t say it publicly) but he doesn’t exactly avoid drugs in anyway (code for...yeah, he’s done stuff). it’s all casual, he says, but he still does it. he does smoke cigarettes though and he’s a little dependent on that.

also i guess he got involved in that kinda thing deliberately because he wants to distance himself from the clean-cut, shiny heartthrob pretty boy image as much as possible. eventually, it just became a natural way of de-stressing and dealing with the constant frustration of his career. the unfortunate consequence of that is that he’s now got a bit of a Bad Boy/Wild Child image and he’s not entirely sure he likes that either. (the shift in image also means that some journalists will talk about him as though he’s ‘gone off the rails’ and, yeah, he hates that as well)

#bratsintro #ok i kept trying to review this to make sure everything's in order but iM...SICK OF READING IT SO hopefully it's fine as is ASDFGHGF #i feel like my eyeballs are gonna fall out if i look at this any longer so im just gonna hit post and tell myself to shut upASDFGHG #i think there's some stuff i forgot to put in here that WAS in the app so i might just put a link to it on my blog somewhere #except i forgot to save the final version of the app i actually sent so i CAN'T REMEMBER

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sundaynightnovels · 5 years

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21 Questions Tag Game

I’ve been tagged by @cheap-pins, but since I’ve already done this for myself, I’m going to be doing this for my character Teng instead -- in his voice. Thanks for the tag! && anyone who wants to do this, please do! Teng’s not going to be tagging anyone he doesn’t know, you know! nickname: Nicknames? I don’t think I really have one... ah, wait. I think I remember hearing Shou call me a bear before? And something about my growl? But that man is a little weird, so I don’t take him too seriously.

zodiac: I am born in the year of the Pig! It’s my year this year! Huh? Western zodiac? I’m not sure what you’re talking about.

height: I’m tall. Girls like that, right??

last movie i saw: It’s been a very long time since I’ve last seen a movie. I don’t remember anymore.

last thing i googled: Huh? What do you mean?

favorite musician: It’s also been a while since I’ve last listened to music. I guess the best music is the sound of the passing wind through an empty corridor... there’s been too many people in the apartment these days. I don’t even know where they are coming from! I think I’ve even seen Jia sleeping in the apartment before, just a few nights ago... I know that Jun had long kicked her out, so I know it isn’t him. Could it be Yu? But Yu doesn’t even speak to the girl! Ah, I don’t know. There’s too much to keep track of. Sometimes I even think I see Zhen in the kitchen but... nah, it can’t be her. Why would she be here?

song stuck in my head: Well, I can hear Jun asking about what I’m doing right now as I’m answering this questionnaire. He’s saying things like, “What are you doing, Teng? Are you answering a pen-pal? Do you even have a pen-pal? I know that you don’t have much friends, so don’t act like you’re busy and come and clean up the dishes!” among other things. That boy is so rude! To think that I have taken him under my roof and given him food and the warmth of my company...

other blogs: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

do i get asks: Well, Jun is asking if I’ve cleaned up my mess, but the mess isn’t mine! It’s really not! I haven’t even eaten anything the whole day -- the whole lot of them finished the food without me. I don’t know whose dishes they are, I really don’t, stop asking me!

following: What are you talking about? I don’t follow anyone! I might be desperate for love, but I’m not that desperate!

followers: Unfortunately, I have quite a few meddlesome men living under my shelter.

amount of sleep: I sleep pretty well.

lucky number: 8? 8 brings you prosperity. Go and buy those lotto numbers right now! It’s the year of the Pig, you’re bound for prosperity!

what i’m wearing: I’m wearing what I’m usually wearing, a simple shirt and trousers. Zhen claims that this is the reason why no woman wants me, but that’s not the reason right? I mean, I’ve dressed up in Jun’s robes before (please don’t tell him), and they didn’t give me a second glance anyway! I’ve tried to act like Yu, you know, stoic and aloof, but the women just pass me by as well! I don’t know what I’m doing wrong! I look fine... right? Right?

dream job: There’s no such thing as a dream job when you’re dead.

dream trip: You’re making me a little frustrated here.

favorite food: Zhen’s cooking! I’ve only sampled a taste of it once -- Shou’s not too bad a person, even though he’s weird -- and it is amazing. I understand the queues now. I understand the coupons. I understand everything. I am willing to spend the rest of my existence queuing up after her just for the chance of a morsel of her cooking. You have not tasted heaven until you have tasted Zhen. I mean, her cooking.

play any instruments?: No. According to Shou, though, I do make a brilliant growl. Does that count?

languages: What do you think I’m speaking in right now?

favorite songs: The passing of wind through an empty corridor.

random fact: I’ve been slapped in the face. By a fish. I hope you can guess who did it. A hint: I’ve mentioned this person a few times already.

describe yourself as aesthetic things: I don’t get it, but I can describe my surroundings right now. Hardwood floor, little fluffs of dust dancing around in the corners, unwashed dishes piling in the sink... Jun’s right, I probably should get to doing that.

tag 21 ppl you want to get to know better: Huh? What do you mean by ‘tag’?

#like all things out of season #character tag #teng #writeblr #WIP #my writing

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mejomonster · 3 years

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New article says “the root of the issue is ur self loathing” also oh no the answerer assumed hitting oneself ment metaphorically

No hun. I mean the advice is helpful but. I’m lookin for literally bro.

Also I worked on self compassion and self love and generally I’m quite good with those it’s literally only the rare occasions I suddenly panic that my brain reverts to “ur worthless die bitch right now and hurt urself real good so u can’t be dumb enough 2 bother ppl ever again” until I can calm down and realize rationally I’m allowed to occasionally mess up and sometimes bothering ppl is even necessary agh

Why yes I should not read advice articles they tend to make me sad I can’t find the right advice to follow..

Ok damn i found constructive advice actually maybe! Although I can employ none of it while in the middle of panicking unfortunately avh

if you expect yourself to always perform perfectly, teach yourself that perfection is a false and very toxic goal. It hurts you more than it rewards. - ok. I did do this, it helped lessen the panic attacks but once they happen it still ain’t helping me in the midst of the panic cool. This doeshelp tho like lower the amount of panic attacks

if you’re anxious about the others’ opinion, find a way to give it less value. It is more important how you appreciate yourself for what you are, not for what others think. There will always, ALWAYS be someone who doesn’t like you - this means it has no actual importance. - HOW??? I mean when not panicking ngh I can sort of do this, rationally. But when panicking!? 90% of me is like nah I’m a nuisance for existing ar all, and the almost decent side of me is just so mad I tried to Not care and still panicked that it wants to beat me until I’m emotionless enough to stop panicking

if you have no control in other parts of life, do something you can control. Your clothes. Your house. The way you treat other people. Get a fish tank, for crissakes, and control it :) - I do try to clean my house to focus the energy. But like when it happens cause I tried to ask someone to help me clean a bit? Then I just get so angry I royally failed a basic task that urge to beat myself comes on full blast.

if you have no constructive way to vent your frustration, research into this. Try sports, creativity, be active socially. Sex? - I would love to be having a ton of sex would that help! Would the universe pls give me a crush and some love? Universe knows I get off enough lol but that’s apparently not helping lol. I draw, I write, I see family n friends? I hike and jog?? I do aerobics??? Again like the issue I think is I have no outlet During panic, perhaps because I’m afraid If I scream real loud or sob I’ll upset more and deserve to be beaten even more. Whereas like once I can flee a situation, yeah I can just scream for a while and hyperventilate and eventually the urge passes.

if you like pain, see if maybe you can practice some BDSM stuff consensually with a partner who knows what they’re doing. It helps me! - I literally tried this. They didn’t hit hard enough, we realized I hit to a damaging degree which was ah not great to realize. Also it did not help during a panic obviously cause it shouldn’t be done in this mental state. It did help like lower panic attack rate tho. But now that the rate is down to a few times a month it’s not practical especially since it ahh didnt have anything appealing to me -.-

if you crave attention, either stop thinking that it’s a goal (cf. caring about what others think) or learn to do something that people can really appreciate better than you hitting yourself. Singing? Crafts? Consult people professionally? Speak a foreign language? - I do not want attention I want to beat myself into a pulp that can’t feel or move when I. Panic. If anything I want an opportunity to get away from ppl without angering them.

Ah yes and the final advice try cognitive behavioral therapy which I think is great and has helped a lot and I’m still using but it’s a gradual process. Again it’s just not like, something I can immediately apply during the panic. Mm

Agh ok WELL from reading like 10 quota articles I can say that 1 wow this is a common thing and 2 dang why can’t anyone give some practical advice on this???

And tnis asker wow “Anger and hatred consumes me. When I’m sad, I hit myself in the stomach and head to avoid crying. If I cry, I will hit myself as punishment. Every time I get sad, I just get super angry instead. What’s wrong with me? How do I fix it?” Same

Literally me like 2 yrs ago I feel u

I had to read a self compassion book and avoid most stressors for months n practice just to get used to not immediately trying to also beat myself for crying. That’s like halfway but the danger still triggers

I wonder how I could train myself to JUST sob when someone gets upset. Still horrible and I’d hate myself but maybe I could avoid hitting myself. I mean I can sort of scream sometimes if someone’s upset but. Then I get so mad at myself for screaming I start hitting my head

In my stupid stress dreams a lot of the time I just see My upset loved ones then hit myself over and over harder and harder agh.

Ok well there was no advise in that article except to recognize that the anger is a reaction to the sadness ok well I’ll try to recognize that mindfully next time I manic I wonder if it’ll buy me some time

I just really hate panicking it’s horrifying I hate that I feel such hate for myself I hate the entire experience it makes me wanna just avoid people so I can’t trigger it. But like rationally isolating is another way to make things worse and, also not standing up for myself by avoiding upsetting situations is just bad for me in a different way n leads to feelings of being trapped and unable to voice needs and That also causes more frequent panic attacks so I know that’s a Do Not Do. I’ve been isolating by just going to other ppl I feel safer near, which has been working good.

I should probably give up on these advice articles now they’re!! I can’t figure this out it’s ahhhggggghhhggg

And yes I take medicine which definitely helps lessen the frequency of panic but I cannot overstate how much lately the tiniest attempts to just try and speak up when I feel like I need to bring up an issue scares me to death and then I see a sign of upset and immediately get a panic attack. And I have been like. Writing in advance what I’ll say in an effort to not fuck yo not upset and not panic. And still it all goes wrong woohjh hence the running away and just aghhgwheheheiwiw strategy rn

#rant #feel free to ignore #anxiety

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szopenhauer · 4 years

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Last thing that made you go “aww!” probably a dog I saw

Is a crow’s caw annoying to you? hmm... not usually, no

Do you enjoy jazz music? one song, when there’s another and more I get sick :x

Do you like the topaz birthstone? no What are your thoughts on gas prices? I don’t drive so no idea Are you an ass? can be Have you ever caught any fish while fishing before? I never went fishing nor want to Do you attend Mass? I listen to the mass online every Sunday even though it annoys me and I can’t focus much What was your favorite class in school? can’t decide, depends on the grade/school/teacher etc. Are you full of sass? I’m not Grav3yardgirl

Do you like razzamatazz ice cream? dunno what that is How often do you pass gas? in the morning - a lot, later - not at all unless I have a flare Do you have a favorite mug/cup/glass? I use those that I like less because I am afraid I will break those I love lmfao Name anything you own that is made of brass. I don’t think I own anything like that even tho brass is cool, I hate copper tho Does your grass need to be cut right now? I like it long, atural *wink wink* Would you like to live in a castle? Why or why not? too much space to take - that’s unfair as some ppl are homeless and nautre should be more free, it’s also too much space to clean and... to get lost in lol

Do you own a car? What kind? I don’t as I already mentioned I don’t drive

Did you live far from your parents, or close by? I live with them, still

Is it easy or difficult for you to open a jar? depends

Tell us how you got one of your scars. fallen from a clothes horse on a piece of wood and scratched deeply my left leg, wound was full of splinters

Do you wish upon a star? it doesn’t work, I tried...

Have you ever smoked a cigar before? nope, just a cigarette and didn’t like it

Would you ever have boudoir photography taken of yourself? Why or why not? hmm...

Do you know how to play the guitar? If not, would you like to learn? tried and it’s not for me

Have you ever had caviar before? Did you like it? I wouldn’t try that, gross and expensive for such a small amount of food

How old were you when you had your first kiss? 18 or 19

Miss anyone right now? sure

Are there some songs you cant listen to because they remind you of someone? could say so

Have you ever cheated on a partner? nooo

Ever been cheated on? kind of

Do you have a friend who you think you’ll be best friends with forever? my dad I hope

Does it annoy you when you accidentally delete things? very

What`s a movie / book / TV show / band / whatever you highly recommend? I usually don’t recommend anything to anyone without knowing them and their taste first

Are you anticipating or dreading anything? some things both at the same time even

What`s the most annoying thing in the world? can’t choose only one thing

When did you last use one of those water slides you put on hills? never

What does your bedside lamp look like? I have a green night light, used to have a mushroom one but I can’t find a light bulb to replace

What did you last take a photograph of? I took several today but the last one was of the wild flowers growing near my fence

When was the last time you got really frustrated with technology? today, my camera didn’t want to cooperate, not even mentioning my computer and cellphone failing me constantly

What was the last funny thing someone said to you? I don’t remember what was last, I know I said some dry/daddy jokes/puns myself

Who taught you to tie your shoelaces? I don’t remember but I know I do that differently than everybody else in my family

Do you want to move to somewhere else? If so, where? badly, just my own apartment

What’s your favourite picture of yourself as a child? hmm... dunno

Do you like your neighbours? some I hate

Does your room need to be cleaned? absolutely

Do you have a good relationship with your family? it’s complicated, depends on the family member, my father is my best friend tho

What is something people are surprised to hear about you? the truth? *shrug*

Do you hate any particular groups of people? yup but won’t list them in here

Do you fall up or down stairs usually? I don’t fall often enough to compare

Do you constantly break things? (By mistake or otherwise) luckily not

What was the last bug you saw? plenty of bugs this day

Are there any smells which make you feel nauseous? basically all of them make me feel nauseous

Do you have anything unusual in your bag? I suppose

What`s your favourite key on a keyboard? don’t think I have one, some I don’t use at all tho

Who`s your favourite character from The Simpsons? Or do you hate that show? Lisa I think

Have you ever had any friends who always tried to steal your things? sorta

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive? maybe How do you make your money? I use my parents money for now :( sometimes I sell my belongings

What color are your eyes? hazel?

How tall are you? 156 cm short

Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep? sleep

Do you look more like your mom or your dad? mom, besides eyes

How long does it take you to shower? about half an hour?

Are you flexible? in a weird way

Can you speak any other language than English? polish, a bit of russian and used to know Braille’a

What is the last letter of your middle name? I have no middle name, just confirmation one

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?: yes

Are you scared of flying? not crashing but smells and noise and puking etc.

What do you sleep in? pajama Who was the last person you kissed? @muziasta

What jewelry do you wear all the time? recently necklace I got from my gf

Is the last person you kissed older than you? younger, almost 2 months hahaha

Do you have a favorite item of clothing? I like most of my clothes

Last movie you saw in theaters? last time I was in cinema I still attend high school, not a fan of that place

What was last thing you drank? water

Are you left handed? am not

What is the last thing you thought about? lots of stuff

Do you want to get married & have children one day? I don’t want any kids!

What is the most recent gift you’ve been given? a mug Did I just roll my eyes out loud Is what you’re wearing comfortable? why not?

Did you leave the house today? twice

Are there bumper stickers on your car? if I had a car...

Are you watching tv right now? What? I didn’t watch TV for months

Do you have a job? not currently

Have you ever shot a gun? in middle school

What do your parents do for a living? my mom is retired and my dad is a guard

Have you ever had a pet that had babies? noooo

What color is the blanket on your bed? blue and yellow with sun and moon

What are your parent’s middle names? they don’t have those

Have you ever broken a bone? just my nose?

Do you wear lasses? nope

What color are they? -

Are you currently reading a book? finished one and didn’t start another yet

When did you last get your blood drawn? not that long time ago

How many contacts are in your phone? about 5

What things do you take with you everywhere? that’s personal

Do you know someone that is/was over 100 years old? nah

Do you own any rings? yeah

Could you list all 50 states? no way

What internet browser do you use? Opera

Do you know someone that’s missing a limb? there’s this guy that sometimes takes a bus with me and he has no leg but that’s all

Are you a bad person? possibly

What was the last swear you said? not sure which was last, I say way too many for my own good :x

Have you ever called the police on someone? not me but my parents, also fire department

What is the most amount of pets you’ve had at one time? 2

When did you last check your email? last week

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? few times

How long is your hair? short

Do you lock your doors at night? of course

Does your bedroom have a lock? sadly not

How big is your bed? smol

Do you know someone that was murdered? not personally

Do you know someone who’s pregnant not now

Do you wear a watch? no

How much jewelry do you own? too much for how often I wear it

Have you ever gotten x-rays? shitload

Do you wear gloves in the winter? fingerless

Do you consider yourself smart? in a way, I might be

Are your teeth straight? they’re not

Do you own a bike? push scooter but I plan to buy a bike of some sort this summer

Are you taller than your mom? I am :D

Have you ever been engaged? I have not

What, in your opinion, is the ugliest name? many are to me, especially those I relate to certain enemies

Have you ever come up with your own idea for an app? of a game

Do you remember to put the caps back on your pens? what for?

When’s the last time you sat on someone else’s lap? this week

Do you take naps often? once in a few months

Do you like to listen to rap? meh

Do you prefer gift wrap or gift bags? gift bags, gift paper annoys me and it’s worthless

What chore do you wish you could get done just by snapping your fingers? all of them? XD

Have you ever done tap dancing before? pretend

Have you ever felt trapped? always?...

Has a strap on your bag ever broken before? it started to so I changed it

Do you watch episode recaps, or skip ahead? skip

Do you know anyone who owns a Venus flytrap plant? my (now ex) friend wanted to, they’re interesting but you have to clean them and I’m not fond of picking up dead flies, yuk

Do you drink water out of the tap, or does it have to be bottled? bottled or I boil it

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fangirlinginleatherboots · 7 years

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I'm not sure if you're awake right now but I wanna ask, can you describe some things your ocd causes(I don't know if that's a good word to use but it's all I can think of) you to do? I'm wanting to write a story involving a character with ocd, while I'm doing research I remembered (I might be wrong though so feel free to correct me) that I think you said somewhere before you had it and since you kind of inspire me to go after things I thought I ask. If it's too personal feel free to delete!

Also, ocd story anon, I read that trauma can be a cause of ocd, do you believe that your ocd could've come from your trauma?

This is a very very long response going into a few of my (and some alters) OCD traits and some reasoning behind them and the range of responses I have to various triggers. It actually helps me analyze my traits better when ppl ask stuff like this so I may have gone overboard as stuff kinda clicked in my brain but hopefully somewhere in here you will get your answer.

So, I’m going to start with the last question first. MY OCD was not caused by my trauma, however my traumas have completely shaped my compulsions and obsessions to a point where my OCD traits are almost inseparable from my PTSD. See, I’m autistic, and OCD is part of this co-morbidity package a lot of autistic people end up with, to a point where the co-morbid disorders are often not even diagnosed after the autism is because its that common. (They’ll diagnose separately if you need treatment for one of them. like the reason i have ADHD and OCD listed as dx’s is because the doctors count them separately on me bc i need medication for them, but they’re extremely common to the point of being expected with most ASD dxs)

Yes, I have OCD and have always had, but my trauma caused so much anxiety that the disorder reshaped itself around specific triggers. There are many layers to my OCD, it’s actually a strange sort of nonspecific looking presentation because of how many alters also have OCD, so it becomes difficult to tell who has which O and C thus there being a lot of inconsistency in whether or not a trigger affects me.

It’s also worth nothing that some doctor’s feel that I fit under the specific label of “scrupulosity” or rOCD (Religious OCD) because of how much of my stuff revolves around religion. I don’t always agree that it’s this because while my O and C are based on religious themes, I don’t believe in the concepts behind the things. I believe most of the religious stuff is just from religious trauma.

On one layer, I have a number obsession. There are certain numbers that are tolerable, a few that are “cursed,” and one that is “blessed” and one that is “perfect.” I will do anything to change things to match my blessed and perfect numbers. I will even fudge the truth a little (not a lie, often an exaggeration, by about one or two digits) to make something fit those numbers. To randomly come across a cursed number or even just a slightly intolerable one, makes me very anxious and can shape how i spend my day and how much time i spend with my better numbers. The way my trauma shaped this compulsion was that my numbers tie to religious stuff, since my traumatic environment was often religious, or trauma would be inflicted with religious reasons.

There is an alter that has a compulsion to say a prayer. When we have intrusive thoughts (which you super need to research if you’re writing OCD bc it is a KEY PART of the disorder but ill go into it later here), someone starts reciting the prayer. Sometimes I will as well just because it’s easier to go along with it. Not completing the prayer is not an option. I mean that with absolutely every intent. Not completing the prayer is NOT AN OPTION. It does elieviate some background anxiety, so whoever is dealing with that is being helped by the compulsion, but it is extremely frustrating and upsetting, especially since i am as non-religious as i can possibly manage to be. The prayer is also said whenever something is uneasy or something triggers specific flashbacks.

One of the most obviously noticeable and upsetting for all involved O and C is being “dirty.” There’s a VERY wide range of triggers here, from actually dirty/germy/unclean things, to unpleasant/intolerable sensory triggers, all the way to conceptual dirtiness like sin, virginity, and lying. This can affect me subtly sometimes, like how i compulsively tell the truth and over share so that i feel clean or how i cannot go to sleep after a fight if it has not been resolved. (”never go to bed angry” they said, well shit now i literally cant cool.) This can also hit me violently and to a point where I am a danger to myself. I worked at a movie theater for a summer some time ago and touched something that was a bad sensory feeling while cleaning a dirty theater. I then proceeded to scrub my hands in near-boiling water for almost fifteen minutes in the break room, broke down sobbing, and when I got home i sat under very very hot water in the shower until my skin was raw and red for days. It doesn’t often get to that point, but when it does, I’ve been held down for my own safety since I’ll literally rip my skin and bite myself to punish myself for being dirty. It is frequently bad enough that I will let myself do something “dirty” as a form of self harm since it seriously makes me miserable and sick. This stuff comes both from religious trauma and from just....crappy normal autism feelings and manifests as my most disabling OCD trait.

There are other things like closing drawers and straightening and arranging things that are done to feel that I am being “good” because of reprimands I received in the past that made me feel like I am “bad.” I am sometimes able to not act on these compulsions, though it takes conscious effort to choose not to. Whether or not this stems from trauma doesn’t really matter to me. I know that most of the fronting alters have these “little OCDs” be it through me or for their own reasons. Tia for instance has to keep things in the kitchen a certain way and Phoebe has to complete certain physical activities a certain way or else she gets upset or feels she did a very bad job/failed.Since I’m really just. going at this question lmao lets talk a little about intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are upsetting/disturbing/unacceptable thoughts you do not take pleasure in. For me, a few of them make me feel dirty, which triggers my compulsions very badly. Some relate to trauma, others don’t make sense. There are very common ones such as urges to kill or mutilate self or others, urges to do disastrous things (like causing a huge car accident), urges to do disgusting sexual acts (to self or others, often to unacceptable people like children, elders, and the undesired sex), urges to become a serial killer/rapist/shooter/etc, and other such painfully upsetting things such as those. These are often what fuel the obsessions in OCD and the compulsions are to make these thoughts stop or hurt less. Personally, I get a lot of sexual ones because of how poorly the topic was handled in my childhood. I get ones about elaborately slaughtering a specific abuser, about doing things that will kill me, about mutilating myself and mutilating pets (those are the ones that fuck me up the most i think), and about doing very destructive things that would harm a lot of people. I also get some about terrorism happening where I am, but that one is FOR SURE a trauma thing so maybe it could just be my PTSD.

Intrusive thoughts occur with a LOT of different disorders!!!!! It’s just OCD when you have compulsions to cope with them. Even then, it has to be a certain way for it to qualify.

I hope I was able to give you somewhere to start in terms of information. OCD is a very big disorder and is a major reason why I’m unable to function in a workplace environment. I didn’t go into the specifics of every compulsion, but if you have questions, I don’t mind talking about this stuff. It helps me process it to explain it to others and I end up healing a little through oversharing I think.

#bootsie's advice column #collective #bootsie's adventures #Anonymous

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coshayphinelove · 7 years

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just some thinky thoughts after i wrote a tag essay that got way bigger than the tags. feel free to read if you want, but forewarning... i have more questions after writing than before so..

so before i start anything i’d like to clarify that i love ob. most of my issues with it are bc i got my hopes too high and held the creators to the standards i hold myself, which is not fair in art. also, i’m only talking about the ob team and the characters, not the fans. don’t get all in a twist, this is just me... thinkin.

so ep 5 was great. 2013 me would have loved it. but 2017 me is like.. hard into communication and explicitly labelled representation. and cophine is neither of those things. like... i can understand that there’s not enough time to linger on stuff the way i would want to. i get it. but like... there was enough time to linger on alison. for five seasons. the first time she ever did anything main plot-moving was this season, she was always almost completely seperate. she got flashbacks out the wazoo to explain her entire life story. we met her mom. her monitor is redeemed.

i just am very unhappy with the doling of screen time. like... it’s not even about shipping anymore. it’s about plot holes and i am genuinely confused about the story at this point. like delphine and donnie are easily comparable characters. donnie monitored alison for close to a decade. lied to her for a decade. once he found out about the clones started doing things without alison’s knowledge or consent. he is forgiven. almost immediately. for everything.

delphine lasted as a monitor about... a month? she was so bad at lying that cosima caught her. she immediately came clean. then in the flashback begged cosima to believe that she would always protect her. and yet? the conflict surrounding delphine for the entire show is ~is she good or bad???~. and at every turn she is keeping that promise while making and keeping other promises. and everybody, including her love interest keeps throwing her mistakes in her face.

donnie gets side plots and new dynamics to explore. delphine has to have all of her characterization as a subset of cosima’s screen time. donnie gets a seat at the bubbles table, delphine does not. she has to leave and get shot (a whole different rant of equal length).

on another note, alison and cosima are also easily comparable characters: side characters used to provide info for sarah to react to. cosima’s safety is always at risk, she’s been boiled down to her love interest for several plots, and she doesn’t ever get to acknowledge her Very Obvious PTSD and abandonment issues. alison has low stakes conflict (up until this season, but that’s already over), she is never boiled down to donnie’s wife, and we got to watch her parse through her issues in s2 in great detail.

like even the flashbacks. like alison got half her episode told in flashbacks and it was gorgeous. i by no means wanted that when there’s so much going on but i thought we would get at least a little more.

we met alison’s parent. we hear about her in a natural and very not forced way. cosima gets one very long line about her family very late in the game in a clunky and almost pointless way. (like... why was it in there? what purpose did it serve?)

i think the problem is subtext. everybody is always talking about the subtext. but the problem is there are several issues that the writer’s address almost explicitly. like alison’s drinking problem. we learned all about that and we cheered for her when she went to rehab and we we sad when she relapsed. with cosima it’s.... two instances of smash cuts of bad memories and her reacting to them. ......*gestures with flailing arms* ISN’T THAT ALSO IMPORTANT???

like. i’m going to keep talking about delphine but.. that’s just where my head is rn..

but from s1 to s2 her arc was learning what her role would be in clone club and then how to do that. and she made some big huge strides there. and then she comes back for s3 and it’s gone. she’s just.. not doing that anymore? like they took the time to film her telling cosima immediately after she messed up that she had, in fact, messed up. and then, what, a few days later she Can’t Tell Cosima Anything Anymore? and don’t get on me about screen time here. it could’ve been like.. 2 more lines. “it’s not safe, they’ll hurt you.” “b-but delphine??” “i’m sorry.” LIKE? they just wanted the drama of cosima not knowing. which i can see wanting, but it didn’t end up working. because then you had scenes showing delphine doing things for clone club. so then... it was just.... confusing? and imo drawn out for too long.

but even to this day I, a delphine stan, am still kind of iffy. she literally made an ultimatum (promise me, everyone. you will never make an ultimatum in your romantic/sexual/platonic relationships. that’s a manipulation tactic that a lot of abusers use. slippery slope please don’t do it.)(i’m also not saying that delphine is an abuser or that you’re an abuser but just.. it’s a thing to be careful of.)

“accept our toxic relationship as is or leave.”

IN WHAT WORLD IS THAT OKAY??? like i get the sentiment behind it. like she was saying, ‘hey cosima i know i’ve been bad but like you don’t have to stay if you don’t want. i’ll stop kissing you and everything.’ but then.... have her say that? everything delphine ever says to cosima is wrapped in 3 levels of subtext. or alternatively, cut the kissies in half and let them have a few lines about a new promise or something. idk if that’s just her being extra or if that’s just.... the writers.

bc the creators... bless them.. they’re trying. but when it comes down to it they were predominantly straight men. and they did add tatiana as an executive producer which is like.. the head idea guy who tell the writers what to write. which was awesome! but like.. she’s straight (as far as we know). so like.. i really don’t want to pull the sexuality card here. but i think i am.

bc it’s one thing if you don’t give romantic, mental health, or communication plot lines very much time. it’s another if you give a straight couple plenty and a wlw couple scraps. it’s one thing if the straight couple gets to delve into things multiple times and the wlw couple gets ten seconds before the plot needs to keep going.

i get that the cosima-centric ep was very plot heavy, stuff was happening, i get it. but like... if you cared about giving good rep as much as you claim you do wouldn’t you... re-structure so that they have more than 10 seconds? wouldn’t you sacrifice some of that oh so dearly beloved body horror to let them just... talk for a hot sec? or let them be in the same room?

i know it’s hard work. the longest original work i’ve ever finished is a 30 page script. and even then it’s a lot of ‘is this dialogue working?’ ‘would that character say that?’ ‘that’s a plot hole’ ‘wait where is he going again?’ i get that there’s a lot to keep track of so like... knowing who cosima’s parents are wasn’t on a post-it note on the beat board. but i just... one of the questions i always ask myself is ‘is this healthy?’ so like... i always make sure that if the dynamic isn’t then i either address it somewhere else or change it so it is.

i don’t think they were asking themselves that.

bc straight guys are used to power balances in their relationships. they’re used to ultimatums. whether it’s in their life or in fiction, that’s what they see. and they’re socialized to see that as normal. so when they’re made aware that the media they’re making is feminist/progressive, these guys seemed like they did research and tried to make it more so. but... they missed the mark. bc straight men will never know what it’s like to be a wlw or a woman. that’s just how it works.

and then.. like... they were so hyperaware of the fans and what they wanted. and i think the thing they understood the best was that they wanted cophine kisses. bc a lot of ppl wanted that and like...ppl who are cophine critical sometimes also want cophine kisses. so that’s the loudest thing they heard/saw. and instead of doing the emotional work and the plot work they thought every scene had to have kisses.

and they also knew that they could always fill in the gaps at panels. WHICH. not canon if you say it at a panel y’all. they knew the fans would spread their patches all over the place. so instead of doing the work and explicitly taking a stand they just.. let people ask them questions so they knew what people were wondering about and then...... answered.

i don’t think they did any of this maliciously but like.. the whole drama surrounding sarah’s sexuality, the great debate of whether it was problematic or not. like... knowing now that they didn’t intend it to come off as her lashing out and having a mental breakdown helps, but.... that’s still what it looked like at first glance. and if i’m just a DVR viewer who doesn’t meticulously stalk everything ob online, i wouldn’t know that. and they do that with delphine’s intentions a lot. they do it with sexuality a lot. they do it with gender a lot. and it’s like.... it’s representation but... label-less to the masses. like my dad was in the room when sarah was kissing a girl and he made some snide comment about it. and it’s like... they were just too aware of fans that they gave them what they wanted (sarah kissing a girl/cophine kisses) without thinking about if was the healthy thing for the moment. they didn’t think about the ramifications.

and it’s just so frustrating. bc i love this show, i do. there’s so much to talk about and so many themes and allegories and cool stuff. but they just... do a lot of stuff that..... really grinds my gears. like this isn’t even a comprehensive list.

#blog stuff #thinky thoughts #i think i like that tag...

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blog-optimisticcoffeestuden-blog · 6 years

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How much would insurance cost for a 97 Mazda Miata?

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I'm thinking about getting my 16 year old son a 1997 Mazda Miata with about 110,000 miles. I have 3 cars currently with state farm. I do plan on selling one car to buy the miata. I have a clean driving record myself. My son in an honors student. He has completed drivers Ed. He hasn't gotten in any wrecks yet. Any idea of how much insurance would be a month for him?

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Which insurance is better?

which insurance is better blue cross and blue shield or aflac, what is the difference between them""

What are some affordable life insurance policies for people with diabetes?

What are some affordable life insurance policies for people with diabetes? Looking for $400,000 in coverage.""

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In new york (brooklyn). Thanks!

All my friends seem to be getting cheap car insurance?

All my friends seem to be getting cheap car insurance but i cant seem to find it lol, im 17 and i know its expensive but people say they find it for 1.4k or 1.5k which id be happy with but im getting quoted 5k (and dont say what type of car is it!!) cause i know all that""

Can my car get repossessed for lapse of insurance?

Okay so short and sweet my loan company called and says my insurance lapsed now is this a problem by means can they come get the car like in the same fashion as if I were not paying on it? But can they still get it even if I am making the right payments on time? Also if I fax them my insurance card showing I have the card with proof of the insurance til may will they take that as a form or do they need to contact the company directly?

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im going to another state for college, can i stay under my parents car insurance?""

Whats the best car insurance?

I am an at risk drive at age 19 driving a 2005 toyota sequoia that hasn't been paid off yet i have one at fault accident ( i hit a car in a parking lot with nobody in it) and i have two speeding tickets now i need full coverage because im still making payments but I would like to know what to go with because so far all my quotes are really expensive! please help me out guys i cant afford 300 dollar car insurance!

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I am 16 years old and have a 2002 vw jetta. I was wondering how much it would cost for insurance?

How much would insurance cost for a 97 Mazda Miata?

What makes car insurance car insurance?

I always wondered. Not to brag or anything, but my family is so rich that we really don't need car insurance. If something were to happen we would be able to take care of it. So basically we waste hundreds of dollars each year on car insurance. Is there a way we could have our own insurance card to issue to a police? What makes car insurance companies able to function and not me?""

How much money would it cost for car insurance for...?

I am 17, I got my G2 license recently.. How much would I be looking at if i were to buy insurance for a jeep 04 rubicon? Also, if you know, how much did you or your friends pay or ur kids for car insurance and where do u live...""

""Please, what company can I get maternity insurance coverage with in Florida?""

My husband and I are not yet pregnant, but we are already trying. We do not qualify for medicaid and have no health insurance. We do not want to wait the twelve month waiting period before getting pregnant. So far my only option seems to be Ameriplan. I was hoping for more options.""

How much would it cost for 3-5 million dollars General Liability Insurance?

I work in various chemical plants and refineries repairing/maintaning/calibrating the laborotory instruments in these places. I'm currently working as a sub-contractor through another company but that is about to change, as my business partner and I are breaking away from them to start our own business. Most of these plants require between 3-5 million in liability coverage to my knowlege. I need a ballpark figure of what that kind of coverage costs in the Louisiana/Gulf coast region. Last year we did $150,000 in sales between 3 people and the revenue has been growing substantially each year (~20% or so). Thanks in advance for your answer.""

Rough cost of insurance group 17 cars?

Hi all, I'm looking at a Lotus Elise for my next car. Its insurance group 17 and I'm 25 with nearly two years no claims. Anyone know roughly what the insurance would be? Thanks xx""

How much would it cost for monthly insurance on a Dodge Viper 2009?

Im doing a math project at school and we have to buy a car. What would the approximate cost be to insure it monthly?

""Once you get your license, do you have to have car insurance even if you don't own a car?""

Say you're over 18, you go for your license test and get your license. Six months later, you buy a car. During the six months before you buy the car, do you have to have car insurance, even if you're not driving during those six months at all?""

Who are good for cheap insurance without any no claims?

previous vehicle was mobility and insurance was not in my name so I have no no claims

Has anyone had experience w/causing a car accident & how much your insurance goes up?

I just got into a car accident & I was at fault. It appeared to be minor, based on the small dent in the other person's car, but the couple both have soft tissue injuries. I have no accidents or tickets on my record. I'm wondering if anyone out there has been in a similar situation as me? How much did your insurance go up? I hope this couple doesn't lie about their injuries or embellish them and I hope their injuries don't turn out to be serious. It is too soon to tell. Thanks.""

What kind of business insurance is needed for a small business retail store?

& on average, how much does it cost (it will be in Brookly/NYC)""

What is the annual cost of health insurance for employer?

I am a new small business owner with 3 employees at the moment. I was wondering what the annual or monthly cost for health insurance is for an employer. I'm not looking for an in depth analysis, just trying to figure things out in my head and I have not even a clue what it cost.""

What does average insurance premium mean?

Can a 16year old drive an 18years old car if the 18year old is on the parents insurance with statefarm?

The 16 year old will be on the parents insurance as well

Where is the best place to purchase product liability insurance?

Need product liability insurance for imported hardwood flooring.

Can a tourist in New jersey buy a car and get an insurance?

My I-94 is valid till Feb 2013, and I wanna buy a car. Can I register it by my name in DMV and get an insurance? I know friends in other states did that (California, Indiana...etc) but I am not sure what about New Jersey""

Health Insurance for 18 going to 19 year old?

My boyfriend is currently 18 years old. In January he will turn 19. He has no health insurance.We live in Texas. He's currently working/has his own income but still lives in his grandma's home. He started working making roughly about 250-300 every week, this has however only been for half the year before he was only making minimum wage. Should he get insurance from where he works? Or can he qualify for Medicaid or something of that sort? How does insurance work when you move out also?? Who qualifies for Medicaid? How? We're honestly clueless about all this, and no one has given us information. I've tried doing online research but it's all confusing.. I was hoping someone would help me out. Anything will help. Thank you.""

Ontario motorcycle insurance help?

im a 17 year old male wanting to get my m1 and buy a 1985 yamaha virago, and i really don't know where i can insure it for cheap because of the year most insurance places in ontario wont insure it, id have the Absolute bare minimum so it would be cheapest. please help""

""Reasonable priced car insurance, uk?""

I'm 17 I passed my test in July and have just taken the pass plus course in the hope of decreasing car insurance cost a bit but I'm still getting quotes of like 3k + going all the way to 11k is there any vehicle, type or make, with any insurer that'll give me a reasonable price say 1kish or less?""

What auto insurance should I have for a car that stays in garage?

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Which car insurance is cheaper for a 17 year old male?

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Where can I shop for health insurance?

I need to purchase health insurance for my family. Where do I go or who should I call?

What insurance would take her?

Wife's best friend is a natural-born U.S. citizen and California resident for decades. She is 49 years old, single mother of a teenager, and has no health insurance. She has a rather large (presumably benign) tumor in her belly that makes her look 4 months pregnant. According to her research, it's a cystic fibrosis, a single lump at or near her reproductive organs. It's been growing for years and has not been diagnosed. In fact, she hasn't seen a doctor since about 1999. She knows that she'll need surgery and wants to get health insurance, but obviously has a pre-existing condition. There are high risk pools for that, but she's unsure how to proceed. Should she go to the doctor, get the tumor diagnosed and then try to get insurance? Should she try to get insurance, yet list her undiagnosed condition on the application in order to be denied? She doesn't make much money, but she knows there's no way around this. Any advice on how to proceed? Thank you.""

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1999 Pontiac Grand Am SE auto insurence?

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What is 20 payment life insurance?

How much would insurance cost for a 97 Mazda Miata?

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What's the cheapest car to insure for a 17 year old?

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How much would my car insurance be?

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Give three or more reasons why americans should not have health insurance?

what are three or more reasons why americans should not have health insurance

Finding a decent health insurance plan. low cost insurance.?

I'm 22 and a server I want to find insurance that will actually take care of me. where can i go to get help for this? I dont know much about insurance

Getting a license increases car insurance?

When applying for a drivers license for the first time, i was wondering if it increases a person's car insurance; even if the person that is getting the license doesnt have a car, and is under the age of 18.""

Will my car insurance represent me in getting claim from other person's car insurance company?

Wife got in accident with teenage girls that was at fault. Other driver had insurance, and I'm dealing with them, but because they say my car is totalled as its older and not worth a lot, they offered me some money, but when I go to buy a similar car online, I see I'm short a few thousand. They are being a bit difficult and have my car at a lot ( I know mistake but they said they only were going to look at it, now its gone). I don't have a lot of pull but will complain as much as I possibly can - was on phone for nearly hour today. Question: Do you think that my insurance company will help me get money from the other insurance company of the at-fault party? I have not contacted them yet.""

Charged with impaired and insurance (CANADA)?

I was charged with impaired driving when i was 21. I fought it in court and it did nothing but make me spend lots of money and drag things out even more. Now i am 24 and get my full license back at the end of this month. I have had my license for the last year but with the interlock ignition condition on it. Not being able to afford the ignition interlock i decided to not drive. I am seeking advice from a insurance broker or somebody who has been charged with impaired and has gone through this. ON average what do you think i will be paying for insurance? Do you have any suggestions to make? I have a feeling i wont be able to afford it and will still take public transportation but i am curious. Please only answer if you have dealt with this situation

Medicaid & Medicare question Comprehensive Insurance?

I was wondering if Medi-Cal is comprehensive insurance? then when I can get Medicare I can decline it! I am getting SSDI right now and medicaid is good for me! thanks

Changing motorcycles and insurance question?

Long story short I have got a new bike. The bike I am Insured on has about 2 months left before I gather another year no claims. However, I was wondering would/do Insurance companies offer a way for me to transfer the next/last 2 months to my new bike (At a possible cost) then charge me a full year when its due (In 2 months) Any help will be appreciated. I don't want to phone my insurance up cause every time I phone someone like that and tell them I have a new bike I want to insure they go crazy and keep phoning me! I have 1 years NCB and i'll be 18 in 2 months (when I will get 2 year NCB) Cheers Geoff""

What are some good insurance companies?

I am 20 years old, working part-time, living on Connecticut and making around 800 a month. I was wondering if any one has some ideas of good but affordable health insurance I would be able to buy on my own?""

Will the cost of my car insurance decrease if I have a provisonal license?

My friend told me this but I think it's rubbish.. I am 17 next week and he told me that if I get a provisional license now and get all my lessons done/pass my tests and get my full drivers license, then wait until I'm 20 to buy a car, the insurance would be cheaper than if I passed my tests when I am 20 and buy a car straight away. (assuming I use the same company/ deals) Is this true or is he charting ****?""

Roughly how much would it cost to insure a 17 year old male on a renault clio 1.2?

Its silver and just a standard model (not sport or anything extra etc..) And is from 2002 (51 reg) any help appriecated thanks :)

Car insurance?

Car Insurance help? I have a provisional liscence and my husband has a full liscence. Our insurance is full comp. He is covered to drive any car. Does that also apply to me if someone is sat by the side of me.

Is they liberal comparison of medical insurance to car insurance flawed?

under obamacare,i cannot be refused because of a pre-existing condition...great right?...i dont have to get health insurance...the fine from the IRS will be cheaper...i can just wait till i get sick to enroll...would some one explain to me how car insurance would work if i waited until the day of the wreck to get insurance..???...""

Is there ANY way a 19 year old male can pay less than $200 for car insurance for a:?

2013 v6 Premium Mustang??

Can my car be on my parents car insurance?

Im 19 years old and im buying a car and would like to know if my car can be on my parents insurance. The car will be in my name only, my old car was in their names so therefore it was on the insurance. I have been under their insurance for the past 3 years. i would like to know if im able to be under my parents insurance.""

Help i had a car accident driving a company car with no insurance?

i hit a car, unsafe start, i find out theres no insurance. I called my boss and he is furious and tells me i should put my insurance from my other cars to it and that i should pay for the accident. i dont know what to do i need help and advice""

How do I get back a revoked license in Colorado without owning a car or having car insurance?

When I had my license revoked for DWAI in Colorado, I was told that I could get my license back when a year was over by submitting an SR-22 form. The way I understand it, you can't get an SR-22 form unless you have car insurance. Is this correct? I don't have a car or car insurance, so how do I get my license back?""

Health insurance for foreigners?

I am from India & I would like to know about the health insurance options for indians working in Malaysia. My husband is working but I am a housewife. His company takes care of his insurance. We are trying for a baby and I would like to know about the health insurance options for foreigners in Malaysia.

What kind of insurance do you need?

can a black cab be driven on a normal insurance or do you need a different insurance to drive it .

How much would insurance cost for a 97 Mazda Miata?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/auto-insurance-quotes-college-students-ryan-george/"

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yourrainycollectorhologram-blog · 6 years

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(UK) ideal first car for male 25 year old who comutes ALOT! !?

"(UK) ideal first car for male 25 year old who comutes ALOT! !?

Finally decided to get of my are and learn to drive next year, need a car that Is cheap to run (all aspects considered) but quite importantly, a female isn't going to run a mile if I pull up in it! I travel up and down the country every weekend with a friend in a vauxhall astra hatchback, is that a decent enough car?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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I'm a college student and I have student health insurance. I just got my permit and I was wondering which insurance I need to get to drive??

Car insurance clio 17 man WTF!?

Right how can i bring my insurance down from 3000! its acutal pathetic! I can't get a quote under 3000 that i can pay monthly i got a clio 1.2 ffs! any help please! been on gocompare n its no good! SOMEONE HELP PLEASE! (:

Where can I shop for health insurance?

I need to purchase health insurance for my family. Where do I go or who should I call?

Shopping for individual health care?

am 22 and am shopping for AFFORDABLE health insurance could someone please point me to the right direction?and please dont tell me US health plans coz their customer service really sucks

Health insurance?

i need health insurance that is affordable to me. i am willing to spend 30-100 dollars a month. i just basically want something to cover my dental and doctor . it can be network far as i car i dont really need ppo. i also want it to cover some of my presciption.

Car Insurance questions?

If my wife and I are separated, She took one of my cars...can I take her off my insurance policy so that she can insure herself?""

Can someone name some cheap car insurance agencies for teens?

How to find Affordable Care Insurance for Multiple Sclerosis in Indiana?

How do you find a affordable insurance plan when spouse has multiple sclerosis? I can't get any information. I see that people say they got a good plan, but I can't find any for us. How do you stop the harassing phone calls after you try to see plans? Please help, thank you.""

How much will my car insurance go up when i have passed my driving test?

I am a 17 year old girl. I am on diamond car insurance and for a provisional insurance for a year it costs 850. Does anyone know how much it will go up?

What is the best affordable health insurance for students out there?

I am thinking about changing my provider and was wandering if anybody has any recomendations?

""Can your parent pay for your vehicles car insurance, and it be cheaper for them, instead of higher for me?""

Can your parent pay for your vehicles car insurance, and it be cheaper for them, instead of higher for me?""

Car insurance questions - with regards to cancelling due to cheaper quote?

I have a couple of questions with regards to my car insurance. First of all, if I do a search on moneysupermarket.com/gocompare.com etc, will it record a search on my credit file? I turn 25 fairly soon, and I have a feeling my insurance should probably reduce accordingly, and want to know if it's worth my while shopping around. My current insurance policy ends in October. Also, if I do decide to shop around, and find a policy cheaper than what I'm currently paying, can I cancel my existing policy before it's due to end? I'm not sure how it works with car insurance - i.e. I know, if you wanted to cancel your phone contract early, you would be liable to pay the price for the whole contract - is it the same with car insurance? or can I just cancel it whenever I like?""

Insurance Groups - HELP!?

Ok im looking to buy my first car, and ive found a 1.4cl Ford Escort which im interested in, it says its in insurance group 5E, is that a good group to be in (is it cheap or expensive), thanks for any help :D""

Hit and Run Insurance Claim: How do you go about it?

I have case # from the police. Will the Insurance company send someone to check the car or should I have to get them quotes?

Best car insurance for 16 y.o. boy that is getting his license?

Cheapest car insurance for the coverage you get? discounts for grades?

How much would insurance on a 1990 dodge neon ?

I think it might be my first car , && I have to pay for insurance .""

How much will my insurance raise for 2 points on my license?

I recently got a ticket for failure to stop at a stop sign, I don't know for sure but I'm guessing it's gonna be two points on my license. I have already paid the ticket, I live in georgia, I'm 17, my insurance provider is state farm, I am currently paying $78 a month for only liability, I have no other tickets, but I did get a written warning for 21mph over. Will this warning count as any points or be recorded on my record? Roughly how much do you think my ticket will raise my insurance a month? thank you""

So I'm 18 years old and i have a 2001 mazda protege. what's the cheapest car insurance i can get in Georgia?

please be honest because i really need to know.

""Will my insurance rates go up if I got a ticket for driving in the HOV lane on I-95 in Broward County, FL?""

I was just pulled over for driving in the HOV lane on I-95 and got a ticket for $165 (kinda steep in my opinion, but the cop said he wasn't giving me a ticket for speeding). The cop said that I won't get points on my record and I verified that with the Florida Department of Motor Vehicle's web-site. I know I'm guilty so I'll just pay the ticket. Will my insurance rates go up if I do that? Should I plead no contest and go to traffic school? I'd still have to pay for my traffic ticket if I did that, but if going that route would stop my insurance rates from going up then it will financially worth it in the long run.""

Home insurance?

im looking for some insurance that will mean if either my fiancee or i die our house will be paid off in full (this way our kids have a home) im still quite young (38) any one know any good companys to get a quote with?

Massachusetts Health insurance?

Massachusetts Health insurance? I am in fifties and currently living in California. Due to the California high cost of medical insurance, My wife and I are thinking of moving to Massachusetts state, get a small home there and retire there eventually. The reason that we are thinking about is that we overheard Massachusetts have a much lower health insurance cost ($50/month ?). Please advise us if you are currently living in Massachusetts state or other states that have less expensive health care insurance and housing cost. You advise is greatly appreciated. Jo""

Business Insurance??

What kind of insurance will i need to carry for duct cleaning peoples homes and how much monthly would it cost

(UK) ideal first car for male 25 year old who comutes ALOT! !?

Where to go for cheap car insurance for first time driver in Miami?

How much does it cost to insure a scooter??

I am considering buying a scooter (125cc) to commute to and from work. I am 29 and live in Tottenham, North London. How much approximately would I expect to pay in insurance - I plan to pay about 1000 for a bike.""

How much do you spend on car insurance for your new 2006 Sonata ? I pay 116 a month am i being ripped off?

I have a 2006 Sonata by hyundia and i pay 116 a month

How much is car insurance for a 16 year old now?

hi im sixteen i dont know where to look for the amount every site i go too wants too much information if you can find one for me my zip is 17325 or give me an estimate. thanks!

Don't Have Insurance But My Dad Does. Can I Drive (with him) In His Car?

In other words, I'm from California and I don't have insurance nor a car. I have a Permit. The adult (with a license) has a car and insurance. Is it legal for me to drive his car (with him on passenger seat) even though my name is not on the insurance?""

What are the cheapest cars to insure?

How much would my insurance be for Mercury Insurance ?

I'm 16 years old, and my parents Insurance is Mercury.. How much would they have to pay for me. And my car would be a Nissan Maxima 95' so it wouldnt be a new car so how much would my insurance be ?""

Which is a good website to get an online auto insurance quote?

and which company has cheap rates

How much does it cost to have regular health insurance for 10 employees?

I am starting a pizza shop and i was wanting to know how much is usually cost for normal health insurance. Also if someone can tell me how much it costs for liability insurance for the store. It is going to be a little caesars pizza. Thanks. -AMV

Car insurance...?

Ok I have 2 choices here! I have only been driving 6 months so I have 0 no claims. I have just been bought a car and to add it on my insurance policy it costs 60 on top on the 45 I pay a month..(105 a month) for 5 more months til i get my 1 year no claims or for 70 a month I cant start again with a different company . what to do? ....

I need cheap insurance for me and my baby?

I recently moved out of my mom's house to live with my boyfriend. She was covering me on her insurance but now it's been dropped, We moved to where his new job is and we are letting a friend live with us. My boyfriend's yearly income is about 65,000. I can't be covered under his insurance because we aren't married. I have a 11 month old baby and I have to take pills regularly... I need to find an insurance plan that can cover me and her. If it makes any difference I'm 18 and I'm turning 19 in October... I know some insurance plans cover certain ages. I'd prefer something kind of cheap but I also need something that has decent copay..even if it raises the price a little. Does anyone know a good carrier?""

Will my car insurance rates go up if another driver lives at my address who is not under my plan?

I have an insurance plan that covers myself and my wife. Recently my son switched insurance plans to the same carrier that I have with his own insurance policy for his car that he ...show more

Gettng bike insurance in chennai?

am from chennai..want to take 2 wheeler bike insurance..used bike..2006 model pls advise me on best insurance company that offers reasonable rate.. i currently have united insurance policy,but feel it is costly""

Looking for affordable health insurance for the sefl employed?

i cannot find any affordable insurance and i need assistance

Car insurance for new driver?

im looking for car insurance but all of them are over 22,000 but i herd from alot people that its would be 1000 and all my friends pay about 1000 so why is it so expensive?? i live in london and im 19 yers old, i passed my driving test last week.""

How do i go about getting points taken off my license?

I have points on my license tht are due to come off 2 weeks ago how do i get them off???

Is motorcycle insurance cheaper than car insuracne?

for an 18 year old in mississauga ontario, canada would bike insuracne be cheaper than car insureacne on for(part-time car driver)?""

I have a car insurance question.?

about how much would it cost for a 16 year old boy in california todrive a 2004 silverado access cab? please give me a quote and not a website.

Cheap health insurance?

I have an account with a community clinic and i am eligible for a 90% discount and i have only had to go once for a sprained wrist. I cannot afford health insurance so the clinic ...show more

How much would it cost to get insurance on these mopeds?

Separately, how much would it cost (roughly)? I am doing this for an E-Consumerism project, but I may also want to actually buy the Duke Touring. Can anyone give me a rough estimate, in dollars, for the cost of each? Please leave some sort of source so I know you didn't just make it up.""

Cheapest car insurance for a 21 year old in nj?

what's the cheapest car insurance a 21 year old can have in the state of new jersey?

How can we get health insurance?

My Fiance (22) and I (18) are planning to get married November 30th, but if we do, I will no longer be covered by my mother's health insurance. We live in NY (currently Broome County) and we need cheap to free health insurance. At the moment, both of us (full-time students) have an income of zero, with no pay stubs (obviously) or other proofs of income. How can we get health coverage?""

Why do good drivers get better car insurance rates than bad drivers?

It's not fair. Some people are genetically predisposed to be bad drivers or just don't care. Why should they be charged more than drivers who do not participate in risky behavior?

What is a very general cost for motorcycle (cruiser) insurance for a teen?

I am a 16 year old living in Kansas City, Kansas. I just need a very general quote for the annual cost for a cruiser motorcycle less than 600cc. A small bike with not a ton of power. I have taken a Basic Rider Course. I've never been involved in an accident car wise. Would it be wise to just have my dad insure it under his name? Are there any potential consequences for that? I only need liability as the bike is only worth around $1300. I have not bought one yet.""

Making a New Auto Insurance Quote versus Renewal on Same Insurance Company Costs Less?

Making a New Auto Insurance Quote versus Renewal on Same Insurance Company Costs Less? My auto insurance will expire very soon and I noticed that I haven't received any renewal offers from my current insurance provider. So without hesitation I visited their official site and did some new quote. Virtually, I am a new customer if I choose to purchase this quote -- which will cost me only $380.00 Two days later, I finally received a renewal offer via e-mail. Take note again that this is the same insurance company, same insurance policy coverages, same policy number -- But there's a difference! To renew, it'll cost me $518.00 To my startled mind, I made a quick visit on this existing policy account online and checked the declarations page for this renewal offer. Unfortunately for some reason, the website cannot display this said page. What's going on here? Could there be a conflict if I choose to buy a new policy with presumably will make a new policy number with the SAME insurance company? Is there some sort of money making scheme going on in here? I have been informed also that if you create a new quote, and purchase that new quote BUT from the same company you appear as a virtual new customer but having the same name and complete information. Is doing so ok?""

(UK) ideal first car for male 25 year old who comutes ALOT! !?

How much would insurance be for a BMW 3 series from 2001 with 150k miles?

My dad said he'd buy me a BMW if the insurance isn't considerably higher than my brothers, who drives a 2004 VW Golf. I'm a 16 year old male and will probably be driving within a year but I want to know whether the insurance would be considerably higher than a golf. We live in Dallas TX Thank You""

Where can I find cheap car insurance for someone who has a dui?

I live in AZ and I am trying to find car insurance for someone who has had a dui. The only company so far is Bristol west but they are too expensive. Where else can I go?

Cheap car insurer for young driver?

I am a 19 year old male trying to find a cheaper car insurance quote than 1500. Does anyone know the cheapest car to insure? or a cheap insurer?

""To obtain my permit in the state of California, do I need to have my parents get insurance for me?

Or when I apply do I have to show proof that my PARENTS have insurance?

How to get car insurance cheaper for new drivers?

Do I have to include my husband on my auto insurance policy?

Without him on it, my monthly bill would only be $44. With him on it, it's $135. Do I legally have to include him on the policy?""

What is the best life insurance to get and where?

I'm young but not in the best health, I'm looking for life insurance, something affordable and legitimate""

What information do I need when I call insurance for a Quote?

I'm planning on purchasing a car in around 2 weeks time, what information do I need to give insurance so I can be added onto my parents policy? I do have the VIN of the car, is there any other information needed besides my parent's account information? Thanks. :)""

Affordable health insurance??

I asked before but i am looking for a health insurance that covers meds, eye checks, dentist, womens problems, in the united states.""

Is my insurance company liable?

My insurance company offered me a policy to cover a de restricted scooter which I agreed to take out, but in order for this policy to take effect I had to give up 4 months of cover totalling around 160 and pay a 80 deposit on the new policy. Last week I was sent a letter notifying me that my insurance was cancelled so I called them and was told that I had to return a copy of my CBT certificate. I rang on Sunday and was told a completely different story and that was that the company they placed me with had decided that they were not going to cover me even though the whole point of changing them was because they specificity dealt with my type of vehicle . They have now offered another policy for 515 pounds with is 100 pounds more than my previous and I am not willing to pay this as they lied to me and told me that I was insured to ride around even though they knew that I was not covered. I have copies of the insurance certificate to prove that they sold me the policy and all other relating documents. Please advise on what I can do.""

Renters insurance in California?

What does renters insurance cover? I'm renting a room from a friend but want my own insurance to cover personal injury without using the homeowner's coverage as well as if something gets accidently damaged by me for it to be covered. Is this included in renters insurance?

Car insurance for a month?

Is there anyway of getting a car insurance for just a month cause I'm selling my car in the next month so don't want to take out a years insurance for it? Thanks

Car insurance in New Zealand?

Im thinking of moving to New Zealand. I would want a car at some point and don't know how much car insurence would cost. Im 19 been driving for a year and a half. No accidents, convictions etc?""

Cheapest car insurance for female 37 on provisional?

Just bought a car Citroen c2 having real trouble getting insurance quotes under 600....HELP!!

Cheapest Car Insurance - Canada?

Need a cheap car insurance... Don't spout off answers if you have no idea... I've researched: TD, RBC, CAA, AllState and Statefarm Living in Ontario!""

How much per year does health insurance cost for an average 50 year old with no employment benefits?

just a single person. no previous health problems. I realize this depends on specific circumstances, but you can ballpark estimate it for me thanks.""

Auto insurance question?

I was a passenger in a car accident and my laptop was broken. Would the drivers insurance cover it? Even if it was liability, it should still have to cover it right? He says the insurance says no because I wasn't injured... That doesn't make any sense.""

How much should my car insurance be a month?

I am 19 and I drive a 2003 Jeep. I've been with Geico for 1.5 years & my policy price has went up two times! When I called to ask why it would go up they explained that it was nothing to do with me or my driving record (seeing how I've never had a wreck or a ticket) but that it depends on the claims from other people. I know this is how some things work, but I don't think I should be pentilized for someone else's claims. Is this how every car insurance works or is it just Geico? I'm going to start calling around to today to get quotes...but I wanted to hear from people other than a sales person.""

Where do you find affordable health insurance with a pre-existing condition?

Peugeot 206 gti insurance cost?

Does anyone know roughly how much it would cost for first time insurance? I'm 18 by the way.

Where can I find cheap roofing insurance?

I am looking to start a roofing repair company (residential only at this time) . What I am going to do is secure the jobs, draw the contracts, purchase material and collect payment. I have 3 crews that will do the labor and they each provide liability as well as worker comp on their crews. What I looking for is a company that will insure me with liability (1 million) for my protection. What I am running into is that every company that I talk to says that you have to be in business for 2 years or greater or they are quoting me 7 to 9k a year. I have over 10 years experience in quoting, selling and installing, can anyone help out in finding affordable liability insurance? Thanks""

Why is insurance for mazda cars so high?

I heard mazda cars often increase your insurance? Why do they? Is it for a good or bad reason? Answer with detail please :)

Insurance and tax for a corsa?

im looking at buying a 06 (56) Vauxhall Corsa 1.4i 16V SXi 5dr for a 1st time car and was wondering how much would insurance, tax and a MOT usually cost for this kind of car?""

Why don't people just buy themselves health insurance?

I am 26 years old and have had a major back surgery. Still I pay just $98/month for my Blue Cross of California PPO health insurance. Why doesn't everyone without insurance just go buy it for themselves instead of buying an Ipod or new cell phone? This would keep the government from rationing health care and having more power over us citizens as well as not forcing some people to pay for others.

On average how much do you pay for your car?

My boyfriend makes about 1,100 a month. I made about 1,200 a month. We're young, so we don't make that much but we do live together and we have been since I was 18. Pretty soon, I should be making around... 1,400 a month. WE NEED TO GET A CAR. I had one but gave it to my mother who was struggling. We want to get one so here it goes: 1, When we go to the car dealership what information (other than the standard info) will they ask for? 2. What is required to buy a car other than insurance and a license? 3. How much is an average down payment? 4. Say we get a used car made before 2005, how much on average should the monthly payment be? I know there's a million answers but this but anything will help. Maybe like a honda civic or ford focus, something small and cheap. You're help is very valuable. :) :) :) :)""

(UK) ideal first car for male 25 year old who comutes ALOT! !?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/do-i-still-have-pay-excess-my-car-insurance-anthony-johnston/"

0 notes

impossibilitygirl · 6 years

Text

I rlly, rlly want to run away. I wanna go back home and live in a house with my friends and work a part time job and go to a community school for art. I miss my friends so much. I don't think any of them would be able to rent a house with me at current, though, so it's a bit of wishful thinking. I thought I'd like living alone but I rlly actually don't. I'm so bad with isolating myself. I don't enjoy the job I have very much. I like the money and the ppl around me and the benefits and honestly there's a lot of perks that are so nice, but I don't actively find joy in it. It stresses me out and I don't think I'm good enough to take on the responsibilities they want me to. I don't want to take on these responsibilities. I don't want to get better at this job and grow into it, I just want to put my head down and work and make a living for a little while and honestly that's the most eye opening thing.

They want me to be engaged in climbing the ladder there, but I don't really want to. I don't have any aspirations with them, but I moved here and I have a lease that's still got 14 months and I just haven't been able to really adjust, even after almost 5 months. I don't want to be jobless (or like, working at a job that just doesn't pay) and living with my parents again either, I don't want to feel the guilt of not being able to be an adult but like

I don't think I can be an adult, not the way I've paved this path so far.

Some days I feel like I'd literally rather be doing anything else. I liked making coffee and cleaning more than I enjoy sitting at a desk staring at numbers that are frustrating and challenging and not engaging all at once, but making coffee won't pay well enough.

Some days I don't mind it and it's very doable, but it's never... Fun. It's never good. The best days are the days I can just sort of muddle through my work and be happy I've made the deadlines. I feel like I'm getting by, only because I keep telling myself that once my lease is up I could leave. I should stay here for at least a year or so, establish myself as a good worker and have something nice to put in my resume...

So I can just move in to the next job I probably won't rlly want? I don't know what I want. I wanna go back to school for art, but it feels so unattainable. I can't afford it. I don't want to take on loans after already earning 2 degrees without having to take out any money and honestly not even finding any real spark in either of what I studied. Art history is cool, museum work would probably be cool too, but those jobs are far and few between and I don't know if I want to do them. And what even happens after art school? What if I don't like art-related jobs either? What if it sucks the joy out of this one thing I cling to, this one thing I know I can sit and work with for hours and feel /calm/ and /distracted/. That won't cause me anxiety and stress.

I want to be able to stop feeling like I don't have a future, or whatever is in my future is never going to be what makes me happy. That any happiness will just be temporary before it's inevitably torn away, so sometimes I don't see the point in caring about anything at all. Why take art classes, why draw, why write or sew cosplays or watch TV or talks to friends or do anything at all because it's never enough and any happiness I get from it is just bound to end so I might as well stop now. and like dont get me wrong, i have reasons enough to live and having gone through one of my friends doing that, i dont think i could ever actually want death enough to act on it. Whenever I think about it, I just think of my family and my friends and know I couldn’t put that on another person, which is good probably. I like when I talk to my friends, or draw, or sew, or play with my cat. I like doing all of that stuff. But I don’t see the point in doing it, except to distract myself from this sorta terrible anxiety that’s always at the back of my head, buzzing and insistent and sad. There’s a reason I fill my life with constantly listening to music, playing podcasts, watching video games, etc. I can’t remember the last time I sat in silence, because if I do it starts to feel like i’m drowning. i had my dad get me a shower radio last christmas so I wouldn’t even need to shower in silence.

I know the life I really want is either unattainable (either because of who I am at my core, finances, or outside circumstances), and who's even to say I'd be happier if I had it. I thought I'd be happy to be out living on my own but all its done is accentuate how fundamentally unhappy I am and what's worse is I hate myself for it!! My life is pretty darn good and I ought to be grateful, but instead I beat myself up and just think about what I don't have when I know there are people who would give anything to be in my position. I just really don’t know what to do at this point, I feel super trapped in this situation that I’ve put myself in. I guess at least there’s much worse situations to be in. idk

#Personal #Long post #i dont feel very good

0 notes

peekiesblog · 6 years

Text

Happy New Year 2018—A Love Letter to 2017, With Love <3

“The Worst and Best Year of My Life”

This is just a normal reflection/rant about Year 2017--it’s not at all bad towards anything or anybody so relax. Also doing this yearly is very therapeutic.

Warning: If you don’t want to hear other opinions about 2017 then stop reading. Have a nice day and Happy New Year. ;D

Another warning: This is a general observation. We’re not shading anyone. If you think so then that’s all on you. ;)

PS: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. CREDITS TO OWNERS.

Last warning: I will be tackling VERY sensitive subjects so if you can’t handle those then stop reading because it’s very sensitive. Also I am not in a dark place—this is just how I think back on 2017. :)

My now annual year-end annoying rant about how the year was; take note this is just ‘our’ viewpoint not the general public. As a little crab in a big ocean of anything but shy—I’ll be “honest”(Waste. People see what they want to see.) and even have a say on sensitive trends this year. Bear in mind that I have Shane Dawson’s voice in my head while writing this. HashtagNotSpons.

Coming into 2017—we’ve been more open to the idea of having depression and anxiety,adhd and even ocd and there’s nothing wrong with that. It is coincidental that it’s becoming a “trend” or news started to shed light about mental illnesses at the beginning of the year. I shouldn’t even call myself as someone with “depression” because I definitely did had a very dark phase somewhere in the summer but when life started to kick-in again—I didn’t wake-up feeling sad for no apparent reason, or just feeling useless and numb every morning(was that depression? I don’t really know). But since it has finally been talked about—believe me even I shrugged away the ‘mental illnesses’ articles I used to scroll down to just because I’ve never been in a phase similar to what that felt like or just not open to admitting I have. People talk about depression A LOT and they don’t even know a single ounce of what it is—it is ignorance of just BS but that’s alright I guess? At least it is being talked about with the “Keep Going” movement or all the support and all that.

Also to the hoes(again Shane’s voice talking) who thinks it’s ‘easy’ to turn-off depression just like that? Then why wouldn’t they have done that? You think musicians or comedians wanted to have depression all their lives?—nope.

I never wanted to make an essay about this because issues like this is deemed taboo and society here doesn’t really take it seriously and they look at you differently like you’re not “normal”(What really is normal?). So people who are suffering from depression, or anxiety, adhd, ocd or any other mental issues; I want you to know that it’s okay to be different, yes it’s hard and makes life more challenging and all that but you all don’t owe society anything other than kindness. You don’t owe them to turn-off your depression just cuz they want you to. And let’s be real—I’m quiet, shy, and very weird(sry just me) so bullying has definitely happened to me; yes embarrassed to admit that when I was younger but 2017 has been very eye-opening. So bullying is a norm—it happens everywhere at any time. I personally don’t think ’13 Reasons Why’(I haven’t watched it sry) as impactful as it is won’t fully make bullying disappear or anything in protest of bullying would but at least it is being talked about and acknowledged and you only hope for the best. I brought-up bullying because as much as how I was bullied growing-up—I NEVER(take note) thought of suicide because as much as how I was that kid who kind of hated life and felt no self-love AT ALL…I always deep down loved my life and wanted to succeed and build something with myself and maybe change the world someday. But I DO understand people who are so stuck in a dark phase that they can’t get-out of and feel the only answer is suicide—it’s not that hard to imagine why they would ultimately come to that conclusion. And I understand people who say that people who commit suicide are ‘selfish’ because they are leaving behind people who love them and a world for them but also I understand why they would snap(It’s a cruel world out there). This isn’t a letter to people who are in a dark place because this would be a HORRIBLE letter to them but just an observation of how majority of society sees things that are happening. But I do want people in a dark place right now to know that as cheesy as it sounds—It really does get better. Believe me it does. I’m rooting for you all and you’re all loved. :)

Now let’s talk about Hollywood—I’m just a dumb 20 year old girl and have no say in the world in any matter but THIS year it was a lot to take-in. The continued Hollywood name-drops and MeToo movement was so overwhelming as the second-half of 2017 tackles more suppression and hurt. I’m just very fascinated by Hollywood—and no I’m not talking about the TV shows or Movies but the actual Hollywood that’s had so many conspiracy theories and all that sheyt(I am slowly becoming more open to this fascination bcuz Shane Dawson is Kween). They always say sex and money go together and I did always visualized Hollywood as a kinda gross place because it is all rooted in power. Now tbh I never knew who HW was before all this sheyt but hoe I surely know him now—and this flood-gated to all these name-drops every-single day and we’re all SHOOKT(well some aren’t) but either ways it had to take someone to speak-out to FINALLY have this issue talked about which is apparently just a normal thing. Now sexual harassment; I don’t know why I’m talking about this and I definitely don’t know how those people feel…just to be clear. But you can’t talk about 2017 without talking about this—and honestly how can you NOT talk about it? I’ve read few articles and all but not the full details so I’m still blurred with all of it but I will say that my biased self was VERY affected by the ‘Kevin Spacey’ one because let me tell you that “American Beauty” is and still is my most beloved movie of my whole existence. Funny story when I was young we bought a local disc filled with random movies—now we thought we clicked on “American Pie”(don’t judge me with your Fifty Shades of Grey minds) but we ended-up sitting there watching “American Beauty” on a random rainy afternoon and I was dumb and I didn’t care about films back then but THAT exact day changed the way we see everything—it was the day I fell in love with filmmaking and ultimately my TV Show obsession started(How can you judge me but not the kdrama ppl? I never judge them?). I love films(GREAT ones) and TV shows that makes you fall in love to the point of binging the whole series in about a few days. It’s this passion for this art that makes us forget about our anxiety and serves as an escape from reality for a while. But going back to the Kevin Spacey allegations—I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting a little bit but he did handled it poorly and as an actor I still honestly do love him…as a human being maybe not so much anymore but oh wells. And I recently just watched Dustin Hoffman being grilled by John Oliver and it was amazing—this issue makes me so conflicted on SO MANY aspects. I understand that most of them happened decades ago but I also understand how these women/or men feel when those they alleged doesn’t acknowledge it happened—I get the anger and frustration and need to feel empowered. Also the “people who knew”—this one conflicts me the most. Now I won’t say that saying something is big act of bravery but I will say that not saying anything is a great act of cowardice. I don’t think that shunning them away from the rest of the world is the way to go though and also as much as how most of them are men—I do not at all support hate on men in general. Because they can be a bunch of sexist hoes but there are good men out there. This issue makes me overthink so many aspects of every situation and that’s why this is all over the place because there’s too much to say really. So I’ll just say that I live very far away from Hollywood but this break in silence and movement has personally made me love myself a little bit more. I don’t know what the connection of this to my journey of self-love but for some unearthly reason—we ended-up loving our self by the end of 2017. I love them, I’m happy for them and I support them. I never think we’ll fully achieve that “perfect” society; it’s impossible but we are moving forward and that’s what’s important. Hollywood should clean up a bit for a while. I truly believe this shifted society and made people think—so Keep Moving Forward Kweens. <3

*Also “Ally McBeal” would have had one hell of a ‘MeToo” episode but then I realized they already did. (Season 2, Episode 12 “Love Unlimited”. YOU’RE WELCOME).

Also I forgot to mention they still have an orange for President. Very consistent BS literally every single day on my timeline—Yea…orange should be imPEACH(get it? LOL I’ll stop).

And not to mention that I’m very late on this fandom but watching Youtubers this year definitely change my life. Too many on the list to name but honestly I’m very thankful I randomly clicked on one video one day and opened-up a whole world for me. :D <3

I wanted to tackle so many things but I just realized that it would take A LOT of time to even process everything that has happened this year. I wanted to tackle every episode of Black Mirror S4 and how much it’s connected to reality but that would take-up a whole book so nope. I believe that Charlie Brooker said that 2016 was like a long episode of Black Mirror but 2017 definitely takes that title now. I will say that people online are .0000000001% of who they truly are. Human beings is a very complex species that would take a lifetime to decipher. That’s all.

As I write this I didn’t realize how long-a*s it was gonna be but then again A LOT happened in 2017—honestly the worst and best year of my life. It started off very dark and feeling lost and useless but slowly believe me it got better—for someone like me who always wanted everyone to like me even though honestly they could give a rat’s a*s about you…well young dumb me realized to f*ck that and give myself self-love finally after 20 years. I still overthink some things and I have gotten into public breakdown this year—NEVER thought that would ever happen but hear me out; a man who you don’t even know being a sexist chauvinistic waste of a person exposing all his power and D*ckhood everytime you come by DESERVES a little shouting back in his life. Dear man, I don’t hate you but you did need a little ultimatum even once in your life—I wanted to grow from that and I wish you will too. Anyways ultimately the biggest learning from this year is growth, development and self-love(this feels amazing I promise you). I still got flaws and I will always have flaws—I have failed so many times in my life and a biggest lie is to say I won’t fail again but you do good and you be better in the process. Don’t be afraid to be imperfect. I also want to thank my patient family for putting-up with me—they are everything to me plus our dog makes me instantly happy to be alive.

I’m very preachy but last message to humanity—continue to evolve where people don’t have to “come-out” anymore because it’s 2017(or 2018?) it shouldn’t be an issue anymore right? Plus people from the LGBTQ+ are like any one of us—and if your argument is because you’re “Catholic” then your reason is invalid and ignorance. The color of your pigment shouldn’t matter. Having no make-up shouldn’t matter. Being a plus size shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of. Being different is beautiful. And having a different outlook on life shouldn’t be deemed indifferent. LoveWins. Always.

And with…thank you 2017. Cheers 2018! <3

Happy New Year y’all!!!

My quote every New Year’s Eve:

“If you think back, and replay your year - if it doesn’t bring you tears of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted.”–by Biscuit <3

And Don’t You Forget. That Life is Beautiful.

*inserts VERY random things that makes me happy and think Life is Beautiful*