she/her • bi • when the brain rot arrives i crawl back to this hellsite
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I want less of "the Drakes were terrible people and parents and Bruce rescues poor sad Timmy" (not knocking the trope it just got old for me)
And more of Bruce suffering a hell of his own creation as he tries to figure out how to parent Timothy "latchkey kid" Drake, who doesn't respect the concept of having parental supervision in general and more specifically Bruce's authority as his new guardian at all, because Tim was basically his caretaker for the entire beginning of his tenure as Robin
Any kind of Parental Action would have Bruce choking in his own hypocrisy. Like... imagine trying to get your teenage son to go to bed when he's been putting your ass down for naps for like, years, by that point. Imagine telling him to eat healthier when at 13 years old he was helping your butler with designing your meal plan 'cause you were too depressed to eat
Bruce gently tries to get him to stop working on a case to take a break, and Tim raises a single withering eyebrow (he learned this from Alfred) and Bruce immediately shuts up. Tim only listens to Bruce when he wants to and being legally adopted by the man hasn't changed that
(And I want fics of the rest of the batfam reacting to this dynamic soooooooo bad)
#dc#batfam#tim drake#bruce wayne#red robin#batman#i’m tired of tim’s parents sucking#they were just rich and forgot they had a kid
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Another chapter of my "The Waynes on Twitter" work on AO3
Masterlist of Tweets
---------------
Extra Dialogue:
Bruce: wow, this is so cray cray. do the kids still say cray cray?
Tim: absolutely they do
Bruce: great!
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Bruce: did you see the cookies alfred made? weren't they so slay?
Stephanie: they really were. have you told cass that?
Bruce: i haven't but i will now
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39 - The struggles of being a single (really rich) dad
<- Previous
#bruce wayne#dick grayson#dick grayson wayne#jason todd#jason todd wayne#tim drake#tim drake wayne#cassandra cain#cassandra wayne#damian wayne
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Almost everyone had been walking on eggshells around Jason all week, until Tim sits down next to him in the library loudly slurping a 52oz frozen mint oreo mocha.
"Wanna go make Bruce regret all his life choices and question our mental stability?" he asks after dragging the straw back and forth through the lid so it sounds like a cello is murdering a violin in a jealous rage.
Jason considers his options for a few seconds. "Obviously."
Which is how Bruce finds the kids playing Pin The Crowbar On The Joker in the garden, while the guest of honour is wearing feathered wings and a pipe cleaner halo.
When he sees the cake that Tim had made for the occasion, he makes a mental note to update the contingency plans he has in place for when he eventually snaps and goes evil, and to volunteer for Watchtower duty next year.
#jason todd#tim drake#bruce wayne#batfamily#batfam#honestly this is the best and most bfam way to handle this
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Bruce is the only one who didn’t know until much later when his kids were arguing. Because why would Dick lie to him?
When Tim yelled, “Well at least I didn’t break Dick’s face!”
And Jason responded with an exasperated, “Oh c’mon. That was like two months ago. Besides, I barely knew where I was and he tried to give me a hug. He’s lucky all I did was break his nose.”
The room went silent when Bruce spun to look at them all.
Both Dick and Jason had to endure an hour long lecture. Dick’s about “respecting boundaries” and “not everyone wants a hug when they’re going through something” and Jason’s about “opening up” and “not immediately throwing punches”.
Both boys then had to give each other a hug over an issue they had all but forgotten about.
Jason having a flashback and spiraling into a panic attack. Dick tries to help and ends up getting punched in the face.
Jason doesn’t show up at the manor for about a week.
Dick says he broke his nose on patrol but everyone knows what really happens. No one says anything about it.
Dick gets home one morning to a grocery bag with his favorite snacks and a handwritten note that just says “sorry”. Jason definitely doesn’t have a key to his apartment, no idea how he got in there.
The next time Jason comes home he’s wearing a Nightwing shirt. That’s good enough of an apology for Dick.
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Tim: I could fix Batman
Jason: No, I could fix Batman. But then I fucking died and accidentally made him worse instead
Jason: But when I come back and try to make him worse on PURPOSE, suddenly he won't do it!
Tim, deadly serious: I would've killed The Joker for you
Jason: Aw, thanks Tim
Tim:
Tim, whispering: I could fix Red Hood...
Jason: Stop it
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Tim * holding a can of Pepsi * : Do you guys want some Pespi ?
Jason* laughing* : Some what ?
Tim : Pespi .
Duke : It's PePsi not PeSpi Timmy.
Tim : That's what I said Pespi.
Tim : Pespi
Duke : Please would you...
Tim * interrupting Duke * : Pespi
Tim * shrugging* : It's normal it's because I'm ambidextrous.
Damian : Ambidextrous ?
Stephanie * chirping in* : He means Bisexual !
Dick * at the same time * : He means bilingual !
Bruce * tired dad™* : He means he has dyslexia.
#tim drake#batfam#jason todd#batfamily#dc comics#dick grayson#bruce wayne#damian wayne#duke thomas#stehanie brown
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he will use every chance he gets to be a drama queen and if he doesnt have one he will create one
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considering the manor is completely massive and the only person who spends more than a few consecutive hours there at a time is probably Alfred, i think it would be funny if after the pit, Jason decides after everything he's been through that he can't be bothered to do the whole revenge thing, or sort out safe houses or get an apartment and instead just decides to kill the joker himself and just... secretly go home.
like, as long as he kept an ear out to make sure he wasn't eating in the dining room when Bruce comes down, he could probably get away with walking around without ever being caught. Alfred would find out, i assume, but i think knowing how complicated Jasons emotions towards Bruce are right now, he'd keep it quiet and just be happy that the one other person he trusts to leave alone in the kitchen is finally back. And then, of course, there's the kids.
Damian knew from the beginning. Not because he's especially observant, but because this is his big brother from the league and the first night he spent at the manor Jason crawled through his window in full Red Hood gear and told him not to snitch. Considering that in the league Jason once snuck up behind Ra's and shaved a strip of hair off the back of his head, Damian decides there's far stupider shit the guy could be doing and leaves it be.
Tim finds out next. admittedly, the only reason he finds out is because Jason thought he knew and just stopped attempting to avoid him. in reality, what happened was Tim, having not slept for three days and living off nothing but spite and coffee, accidentally walked in on Jason cooking in the middle of the night, and immediately wrote it off as a hallucination. Jason, seeing Tim find him in the manor and not react badly, decided that 'oh, the replacement must just be chill i guess' and mentally pencilled him in as another person in the building that he can be seen by. it came to a head when a few days later Damian was forced by Jason to invite Tim out with them on their weekly 'eat junk food and talk shit about the rest of the family' outings, since he was a part of the group now. Tim cries.
Dick only finds out because Tim and Damian keep forgetting that Jason isn't supposed to be talked about in public. there comes a point where Tim rips Dick's favourite sweater and when Dick confronts him about it, Tim panics and blurts out 'it wasn't me, must have been jason!', and upon seeing Dick's face, Damian smacks him and grumbles 'good job Drake, now we have to show him Todd or he'll cry again.'. Jason is not overly happy when he sneaks through his bedroom window after going out as Red Hood and finds a sobbing Dick sat on his bed, Tim staring at the ground looking very ashamed while Damian straight face points at Tim to make it clear that this was Not His Fault.
after realising literally everyone in the house sans Bruce knows he's there, Jason decides to just. stop hiding. the fact is that he wasn't trying that hard in the first place, and Bruce still didn't have a clue, so he kinda wants to see how long it takes the 'world's greatest detective' to realise his dead kid is just. back.
so he stops hiding. starts showing up for family meals, starts being more friendly with the bats as Red Hood, and they all wait to see what finally tips Bruce off.
they forget how fucking stupid this man can be.
because if Jason had gone up to Bruce and done some sort of dramatic or emotional reveal then sure, Bruce would be shocked. he'd freak out. but the fact is that Bruce has both Batman and Brucie Wayne to keep up with. He's barely paying attention to his own feet while walking, let alone the people around him.
so when Jason starts showing up and acting like nothings changed, and literally nobody else in the house acts like anything's different either? Bruce straight up forgets that Jason's supposed to be dead. His mind just registers 'oh there are his kids, fighting like usual', and forgets to take in whether or not those kids are SUPPOSED to be ALIVE.
the kids find it fucking fascinating. Jason can actually have conversations with Bruce at the dinner table, and Bruce doesn't even realise that this is a wild fucking thing to be happening. Tim starts laughing at him and Bruce gets confused, only making the poor kid laugh harder. Jason just can't believe he actually bothered putting effort into hiding when he first came back. Damian's respect for his father diminishes every day.
it becomes a game, to see how far it will go. at one point Dick straight up asks who was better as Robin, him or Jason, in an attempt to jog his memory, and Bruce without looking up from the batcomputer goes 'you were both equally good, stop trying to start competitions with your brother'. Dick throws his hands up in the air and Jason, who has been sat on top of his own fucking memorial case to watch this shit show for the past 20 minutes, slow claps.
it's only after like a month of this that half way through a casual family breakfast, Damian asks Jason to pass him the orange juice or something, and Bruce finally has the fucking moment of
he never lives it down.
#jason todd#damian wayne al ghul#damian wayne#tim drake#dick grayson#bruce wayne#batman#red hood#batfam#batfamily
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Jason (Age 12): I’m not gonna die from inhaling cigarette smoke, quit worrying, B.
Jason (Age 15): *dies from smoke inhalation*
Jason (Age 19): Well, it wasn’t the cigarettes.
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Jason having a flashback and spiraling into a panic attack. Dick tries to help and ends up getting punched in the face.
Jason doesn’t show up at the manor for about a week.
Dick says he broke his nose on patrol but everyone knows what really happens. No one says anything about it.
Dick gets home one morning to a grocery bag with his favorite snacks and a handwritten note that just says “sorry”. Jason definitely doesn’t have a key to his apartment, no idea how he got in there.
The next time Jason comes home he’s wearing a Nightwing shirt. That’s good enough of an apology for Dick.
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I miss the pre-New 52 Tim and Jason dynamic so much. It was basically Jason beating the fuck out of Tim well being all "nothing personal kid I just hate everything about you, your existence and the fact you're breathing right now" and Tim spitting up blood going "what if your mother was a whore, kill yourself" and Jason just deciding right then and there that this kid is his favourite person.
Then it just turned into a Tom and Jerry hunt across the city where Jason keeps hitting Tim with the "join me, be my robin" and Tim kicks him in the balls.
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jason in titans tower staring at bruce: how’d you know i was alive old man?
bruce: robin - tim - is an avid follower of your tumblr blog that has mysteriously updated after years of you being deceased
tim: mhm, at mrsbennetluvr88 started quoting hamlet and titus andronicus after years of radio silence, it was the only rational conclusion
jason: … at least you know your shakespeare…
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Tim: wait, you quit smoking?
Jason: I quit smoking when I became Robin.
Tim: Ok,That Is Not True. I've seen you smoke recently, don't gaslight me!
Dick: You didn't really quit smoking when you were Robin Jay, you used to take my cigs sometimes
Duke: wait,, YOU used to smoke??
Dick: Yeah, back when I was Nightwing
Duke: You're /still/ Nightwing ???
Tim: He means back when he was Discowing
Duke: What's discowing???
Jason: The reason I used to smoke.
#dc#batman#batfam#jason todd#tim drake#duke thomas#dick grayson#incorrect batfamily quotes#robins#nightwing
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some things dont change
#batburger as a concept is lowkey hilarious to me#jason todd#robin#robin ii#red hood#bruce wayne#batman#batfamily#batfam#batdad
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between tiktok and youtube slop, kids these days are subjected to possibly one of the worst media diets in the history of mankind. unlike me who was raised on the same 10 commercials for corn syrup products cycling between variety shows, as nature intended
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